#spicy quotes

[freakyquill]

*Kate and Yelena at the Barton's farm for Christmas*

*Clint walks by the game room late one night and freezes*

Kate: Oh my God, Yelena! YES! Go faster!!

Yelena: I'm trying my best Kate Bishop! Now shush and let me work!

Clint, turning off his hearing aid: It's just a nightmare. Keep walking.

*The next day over breakfast*

Kate: I still can't believe what you did last night! Your fingers are like machines!

Yelena, smirking: It just takes a little practice, Kate Bishop.

Clint, coughing: Uhm, girls... About that... Maybe you should keep it down yeah? You know with the kids..

Kate, frowning: What do you mean Clint? Lila showed us all the tricks yesterday!

Clint, chocking on his coffee: WHAT?!

Kate: Yeah, Guitar Hero! Lila's a pro!

Clint: You were playing a GAME?!

Yelena, laughing: You thought we were having sex?!?! Oh, Barton, you're so funny! Believe me, you'd have heard Kate even with your aid off if we were.

Kate: YELENA!

[galamurphy]

"Sometimes I want to kiss him and sometimes I want to ruin him, but most of the time, I want those actions to be one and the same."

"Violet Made of Thorns" by Gina Chen

[spicy-thoughtsandquotes]

SPICY: It's the holy grail!

KWEEN: isn't the holy grail like the cup Jesus used at the last supper?

S: I think? I dunno

K: People usually portray it as like gold and shit but it was probably wooden.

S: yeah, they were fricken poor!

K: Hell Jesus probably made it!

S: YEAH! He was a carpenter!

K: Exactly! He probably did little carvings and crap in his free time between sermons.

S: They just chillin and he's carving.

K: yeah he makes a little cross and goes "guys this is how I'm gonna die haha"

S: No!

K: the disciples are all "Jesus you can't make those jokes!"

S: Jesus is all "it's not a joke young Padawan"

K: Jesus Jedi confirmed.

[criminally-obsessed]

STEVE: Oh, to be a bored heir to the throne who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener. EDDIE: Oh, to be a cute gardener who secretly places roses in the heir’s room because they are in love with them. ARGYLE: Oh, to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener up the wall for their secret deliveries in the middle of the night. ROBIN: Oh, to be the heir’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other. NANCY: Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending. JOHNATHAN: Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the heir’s personal life and who dies of dysentery at age 23.

[writersmorgue]

Lunar. This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

[megalomari]

Besties who recommend trashy smut to each other ✨

[steddiealltheway]

Jonathan: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Robin and Nancy's convo?

Argyle: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.

Eddie: I'm in the washing machine.

Steve: I'm in the closet.

Argyle: We accept you Steve. <3

Steve: No I'm literally in the closet.

Argyle: Love is love. <3

[rogueddie]

Onion Headlines 2.0

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

She's a Big Girl Now: Lucifer

-From Chaggie's Room-

Charlie: 💕 Oh! Fuck!~ Vaggie, right there- HOLY SHIT!!! *panting and groaning* 💕💓💋*whimpers* Please! Please, please, please, please! ❤️ I've been so good! 🗯💥💨💦

Vaggie: I know, mi amor. You've been such a good girl. You can handle a few more minutes, can't you? Continue being a good girl, my pretty little princess, so you can get a big reward?

Charlie: (shout groans into a whimper) Yes, Ma'am! Yes, Ma'am!

Lucifer: (sitting in his room, crying, and eating an emotional support apple pie. And wearing earmuffs to try to desperately cancel out the sound of his daughter getting railed into oblivion)

Lucifer: She’s.... *hic* She's a big girl now, Luci. *sniffles* (stuffs his face with pie and whipped cream) She’s a big girl.

[artsyunderstudy]

"Look at me."

Illustration from Chapter 3 of Someone Wicked

[freakyquill]

*Yelena picking Kate up for their date*

Yelena: Hello Kate Bishop! Your sweet ride is here, you coming?

Kate, laughing: Ah! Title of your sex tape!

Yelena, winking and smirking: Only one way to find out. Will you be a good girl tonight?

Kate: I think my brain just exploded a little.

[ssaronance]

[spicy-thoughtsandquotes]

Yeah you’re built like a dorito

[psykopaths]

The ego suffocates the soul.

[marsdeathdefiances]

Diomedes: Do you have any kinks?

Achilles: Peace and quiet

Patroclus: Actually. He likes having his-

Achilles: *putting a hand over his mouth* Peace. And. Quiet.

[writersmorgue]

Thanks @yourlunarspice !!