#squishing so many characters in one image >>>

[cottonlemonade]

Insecurity

genre: comfort

warning: bad body image

To be really very honest, you were not having a great week. And it was only Tuesday. There was something about the way your stomach spilled over the hem of your panties, the way your thighs constantly touched, and the rolls on your back, that had you standing in front of the mirror with tears streaming down your cheeks. Your phone lay on the bed and a dozen or so messages glowed as unread notifications on the screen. You didn’t want your boyfriend to see you like this - it didn’t matter that you had been dating for two years and he was very openly talking about wanting to make you his wife as soon as possible. You buried your face in your hands and felt a new wave of tears slipping through your fingers. How could someone like you ever match someone like him? Why was he with you? What could he possibly see in you? He needed someone beautiful, kind, and smart. People must think you had some high-quality dirt on him to make him stay by your side - that’s what you thought.

What people actually saw, however, were the undeniable sparkly heart-eyes he looked at you with and the way he melted into your touch like one of those flat hamsters, petted into nothing more than pancake-thickness.

So when this completely lovesick boyfriend didn’t hear from you all day, he got really concerned and let himself into your place with his spare key, giant bouquet, and your favorite snacks in hand.

He went around the apartment to look for you and panicked when he found you crying, sitting on the edge of your bed, still just in your underwear.

He knelt down in front of you, flowers and snacks placed next to him. “Baby! Honey, what’s wrong?”

You didn’t even question what he was doing in your home, you just sobbed harder and he gently rubbed his large warm hands over your forearms.

“Bad head day?”, he asked softly and you nodded, your lips quivering when you tried to steady your breath.

“Tell me.”, he said.

“You deserve so much more.”, you whispered, your voice not strong enough to be louder.

“What?”

“You deserve someone pretty and … and not… this.”, you vaguely gestured to your many handfuls of tummy fat and chubby thighs that spread like butter in a warm pan on the comforter.

“Babe. Y/n. Look at me.”

You shook your head, crying some more and avoiding his eyes, which only made him cup your cheeks, gently but determinedly forcing you to meet his gaze.

“First of all, I will not tolerate anyone - anyone -“, and he squished your cheeks with this emphasis, “talking about my future wife this way. Second of all, do you really not see how much I love you?”

You ever so slightly shook your head with a new sniffle.

“I love you.”, he said firmly and kissed you, “And I love this.”, he dropped his hands and bent down to kiss your upper arms, another insecurity he was well aware of, “I fucking adore this.”, he kissed and nibbled at your tummy, sucking in a mouthful and letting it plop back out with a loud smooching noise, “I’m going crazy over these.”, he repeated the tummy treatment on your thighs, “And don’t even get me started on these.”, he traced his fingers over the rolls on your back, then leaned forward on his knees to pepper them with kisses as well. You were ticklish there and couldn’t help but squirm and laugh a little.

“You said you like it when I put my foot down. Well, honey, here I go, putting my foot down. Look at me go.”, he playfully slapped a spot on the comforter next to you, “I henceforth decree, you are not allowed to ever talk or think about yourself this way.”

“You decree?”, you asked with the smallest smile over his silliness.

“That’s what I said. Consider my foot-“, he raised his right leg to match the motion to his words, “put down.”

“I love you.”, you said quietly.

“Yeah, you do! And who do I love?”

“Me?”

“With feeling.”

“Me.”

“One more time.”

“You love me.”

“You bet I do.”

characters: Bokuto, Tendou, Yaku, Hoshiumi, Atsumu, Osamu, Suna, Kuroo, Meian, Sugawara, Nishinoya, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Oikawa, Komori, Yamaguchi, Semi, your fave

[tinydefector]

Human's effects

More a silly little thing that I had to write out.

Warnings: talks about sex, xenophilia, kinks

Word count: 3k

Masterlist

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Human Effects 2 - characters

Request are open

____

There were a lot of things that fascinated the cybertronians over humans. Their size, body types, skin tones and those soft they are. 

So many of them become so fascinated over the fact that such small and fragile creatures don't have plating to protect themselves but only wear soft fabrics. 

And it slowly leads a lot of Cybertronians to realising they were Xenophiles. 

A list of kinks and fetishes cybertronians discovered from it. 

-size kink 

-skin fetish 

- hair pulling 

- silk and ribbon play

- cum inflation 

-breeding

-pet play

- vore

-fluid play and consumption 

- spiking warming

- Heart and spark syncing 

- new spike and Valve modifications to test on their human lover

There's originally a lot of unknowns about humans, and cybertronians are rather intrigued, for one the first times the a lot of the crew of lost light had encountered them was on black market and high priced pets, and companions. 

There were exceptions such as Perceptor, Ratchet and Megatron who had been around humans before but for a lot of the bots this was their first time seeing them. that is until they are assigned a human communications, relations Ambassador/ liaison. 

But after the black market incident it had led a lot of bots into research over humans. And it just spirals more with them discovering some rather dark history with cybertronians keeping humans as playthings. And finding out their ‘interface equipment’ isn't that different from their own, just more organic and smaller.  

A late night of drinking at swerve slowly devolved into conversation over their local human. Brainstorm sits nursing his drink of engex while he and others of the ship chat away. "So does it fascinate anyone else over the fact that humans don't have natural plating or any kind of protection for their squishy form?" He brings up, he himself had fallen down the rabbit hole of human porn but didn't quite know how to breach the subject with anyone else. 

"Oh Primus, look who decided to join us, thought you were holding up with your Conjunx Chrome!" Swerve said with a chuckle, placing more drinks down. He hopped up onto one of the bar stools and leaned in eagerly, His attention flicks to Brainstorm. "You bring up a good point, Brainstorm," Swerve replied.

 "Those squishy humans are really something else, ain't they? No armour, no defences - I'd be scared outta my circuits if I was just soft protoform all the time!, like i’m so surprised squishy hasn't been stepped on yet" 

Rodimus nodded in agreement. "Yet they've managed to survive just fine so far. There's obviously more to them than meets the eye. Like i've seen some of the things our ambassador can do like the strange stretching"

"I dunno," Skids chimed in. "Seems pretty fraggin' reckless if you ask me. One good shot and it lights out!" 

Rewind shuddered. "Ugh, don't remind me. Just thinking about all those organics and tubes and who knows what else squishing around in there makes my fuel tank turn." He made a dramatic churning sound effect.

Riptide laughed. "I saw a nature documentary once about these hairless ape creatures the humans evolved from. Now THOSE guys were squishy."

“What in Primus have you been watching?!” 

“some old earth docs that Percy’s has, bots got a lot of info on Terra and the planet's history” The bots shared a collective laugh at the image. Swerve took a swig of his energon. "Frag, maybe there's something to be said about living on the edge like that! Sure keeps things interesting, its still strange that they are somehow one of the top predators of their planet yet are smaller than half the things they eat"

Brainstorm goes quiet for a moment. "Have you seen how flexible they are?"

Swerve nearly spit out his energon. "Whoa hey, I don't need those kinds of vivid imagery floatin' around my processor thank you very much!, keep the squishy interface vids to yourself" he said, waving his hands animatedly. 

"You have to admit, the way those fleshbags can contort themselves is pretty impressive," Skids added. "Must come in handy for.. maintenance." He waggled his optical ridges suggestively.

Brainstorm nodded pensively. "Indeed. Their non-metal structure allows for feats we could never replicate by ourselves." He took a sip of his energon. "Always makes me curious what other evolutionary adaptations they've developed to compensate for such vulnerability. The potential for scientific discovery is endlessly fascinating with their species and ancestors."

Riptide shrugged. "As long as they don't expect ME to try any of their bone-breaking yoga moves," he laughed. "This chassis is meant for tough stuff, not Twister!"

"You think they would be soft, you know if you interface with one?" Brainstorm asked while downing his drink, the engex was slowly going to his processor loosening his lips. 

"Oh don't give me that look I know for a fact you all have thought about doing with a human at least once! Rodimus I know for a fact you eye them up everytime our little liaison walks past you" He calls out Rodimus. 

Rodimus nearly choked on his energon in an attempt to look innocent. "Wh-what? That's not - I never -" he sputtered in protest, flustered optics darting around at the other bots.

Brainstorm smirked as Rodimus squirmed uncomfortably on the stool. "Oh please, don't try to deny it, Captain. You're about as subtle as a combiner in a supply closet." 

"Roddy's got the hots for squishy, who knew!" Swerve giggled uncontrollably. 

Skids nudged Riptide playfully. "Hey, maybe we got a xenophiliac on the ship!" 

"Alright alright, knock it off you glitches," Rodimus growled, though the blue flush across his face said otherwise. "I was just... curious, that's all. They ARE a strange species."

Swerve tried to contain his laughter. "Ohhh I bet you are more than curious, if you catch my drift!, wanna get up close and personal" More raucous peals of laughter from the group.

Brainstorm stroked his chin in thought. "They do feel intriguingly delicate. I wonder if their flexible frames would be more pleasurable to interface with than our own rigid forms..."

"Have you seen videos of them, they stretch a lot, like a lot, like I know human skin is resilient but i didn't think they were that resilient " Brainstorm states remembering some of the videos he had seen online. Other bots peak up intrigued. 

Swerve choked again as his fuel tank nearly turned inside out. "Brainstorm! That's... more than I needed to visualise, thank you very much." 

Skids seemed a bit less phased. "Fleshbags gettin' their twist on, huh? Can't say I'm not curious now." 

Even Rodimus seemed intrigued despite his earlier protests. "Resilient is an   understatement. I've seen some of the contortions that humans can do - it's astounding that their protoforms don't tear apart." 

Brainstorm nodded enthusiastically. "Precisely! With the right lubrication and technique, I hypothesise an interface with a limber human form would provide entirely novel sensory data."

Riptide shifted uncomfortably. "Not sure I'm ready to dive into the fleshy deep end just yet.”  

Swerve shot him a sly grin. "Aw c'mon Rip, live a little! Where's your sense of adventure?" 

Rodimus tried to steer the subject elsewhere. "Let's maybe change topics before someone needs a wipe down. Or Primus forbid, Magnus overhears you lot"

"I hope I did not hear what my processor just heard" Ultra Magnus states while staring down at the group of drinking mechs. A Lot of bots in the bar snicker at the group getting in trouble. 

"Come on Sir, get that wrench out of you aft, join us!" Skids called out.

Swerve let out an audible squeak at Ultra Magnus's stern tone, almost dropping his engex in panic. "U-Um, Magnus sir! Fancy seeing you here. We were just, uh, discussing..." 

He shot desperate optics at the others for help, but they all seemed to shrink down in their seats under Magnus's disapproving glare. 

Rodimus flashed an uneasy grin. "Just having a friendly debate about alien species, you know how it is. Brainstorm was bringing up some, er, interesting biological points..." 

Ultra Magnus sighed wearily. "I'd rather not know the details, thank you. Some topics are best left undiscussed in public."

The whole bar erupted into laughter at the group's misfortune. "Ah lay off em Magnus!" one patron called out. "They're just havin' fun!"

Another bot piped up. "Yeah, loosen up that rusty chassis and join us! One drink won't hurt." 

Magnus scowled, unamused. But as the encouragement grew louder, he glanced around hesitantly...

Swerve spotted an opening. "C'mon Magnus, live a little! I'll even give you a two-for-one special." He flashed a hopeful grin.

The enforcer grumbled but his resolve was cracking. Against his better judgement, he pulled up a stool. "One drink." Swerve whooped and poured him a double.

They cheer as Magnus sits down to drink with them. Skids speak up. "So brainstorm you saying you'd hook up with a fleshy, get nice and personal with a human" he calls out with a laugh.

Brainstorm leaned forward eagerly. "Why of course! The pursuit of scientific knowledge knows no boundaries. Though upon further review, direct interfacing with an organic might require certain, ah, safety protocols." 

Skids peered at him suspiciously. "Exactly what kind of 'research' are you plannin' on doing Brainy?"

Swerve nudged Riptide with a smirk. "I'll bet ya 20 shanix Brainstorm's just trying to find an excuse to get jiggy with the humies!"

Riptide snorted. "No way, I ain't takin' THAT bet!" 

Rodimus dropped his face in his palms with a groan. "can we PLEASE stop picturing Brainstorm fragging humans?" 

Ultra Magnus coughed on his engex, catching the comment he'd really rather not have heard. 

But Brainstorm paid them no mind, lost in scientific contemplation. "The human capacity for sensory input and feedback would provide a rich study on cross-species interface protocol adaptability..."

"INTERFACE PROTOCOLS?!" Swerve shrieked. The table erupted into howls of laughter at Magnus's deeply uncomfortable expression. It was going to be a LONG night indeed.

“Primus Brainstorm you kinky fragger” 

"Fine then everyone servo up if your not at least somewhat curious or thought about it at least once" Brainstorm calls out to all of Swerve's bars patrons

"Oooh, Brainstorm's putting us all on the spot!" Swerve giggled with gleeful mischief. He raised his servo without hesitation. 

Skids was quick to follow suit, slamming his half-empty glass down. "Frag it, I'll admit it! Those soft squishy bodies got me wonderin' what else they're good for." 

To everyone's surprise, Rodimus sheepishly lifted a servo as well, avoiding optic contact with Ultra Magnus. Riptide shrugged and joined in the show of servos, if only to blend in. 

The majority of bots in the bar started raising their hands amid roars of laughter and drunken encouragement. Only a select few hesitated, shooting nervous glances at Magnus. 

The enforcement officer's expression cycled through outrage, resignation and back to outrage as his gaze swept over the forest of raised servos. "I cannot condone such deviant interest in alien biologies," he protested, voice stiff. 

But as more servos stayed stubbornly aloft, Magnus sagged with a weary sigh. After a long moment, he slowly, begrudgingly raised one massive hand as well. 

The bar erupted into ear-splitting cheers. Swerve howled with glee, banging his fists on the counter. "Look's like we've all got a bit of xenophile in us after all! Even you, Magnus my mech!" 

Magnus buried his faceplate in his servos as Brainstorm cackled maniacally. Once the bar settles back down its Swerve who speaks up with a smirk on his faceplate. "So... which one of you charming mechs are gonna be the first to try and get our lovely Liaison?" He teases. 

Rodimus sputtered into his drink at Swerve's question, flushing brighter. "W-what? I never said anything about actually doing anything!, it's all just fantasies Swerve!" he protested in a hissed tone. 

Skids rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, well they do have a cute lil' figure. Bet they'd be a wild ride..." 

Swerve grinned slyly at Rodimus. "Aw c'mon Captain, don't tell me you ain't thought about it at least once! I bet they'd be real fun to break in, get all soft and pliable..." 

Rodimus smacked Swerve upside the helm. "Knock it off!" He shot a pleading glance at Ultra Magnus as if begging for rescue.

But unexpectedly, Brainstorm was the one who spoke up. "While the organic's flexibility is intriguing, directly interfacing could introduce unknown health risks or cultural taboos. Outside the fact our people have kept humans as pets and companions in the past. A more ethical approach would be gaining consent for strictly observational research."  

Riptide frowned. "Not sure the liaison would go for that either Storm" 

Swerve sighed dreamily. "Just imagine wrapping those soft squishy bits all around you though... bet they'd feel amazing..."  

"SWERVE." Magnus's warning tone silenced the cheeky bartender immediately. He turned back to Rodimus with a sigh. "Despite certain... Curiosities, directly engaging an organics  such a manner would be unwise, dangerous even, not to mention our form are much larger and could harm a human."

Rewind nodded gratefully at Magnus, relieved the subject was shifting. But the mischievous glint in Swerve's optic suggested his teasing wasn't over yet. It was going to be a long night indeed.

"Relax Mags I'm just riling these drunk mech up. Unless you're interested in our sweet little ambassador" he teases, making other bots choke on their drinks. 

Ultra Magnus's icy glare could have frozen Swerve's energon. "Need I remind you this conversation is highly inappropriate and unprofessional," he said sternly. 

But to everyone's surprise, Rodimus let out an undignified snort of laughter. "As if Magnus would ever break protocol like that! He'd probably recite the entire Autobot code of conduct while fragging."

The whole bar erupted in howls of mirth at the mental image. 

Swerve was nearly rolling on the floor. "Can you imagine?! 'Paragraph 3, subsection B clearly states interfacing with sentient aliens requires prior diplomatic clearance forms in triplicate!'" he cried in a mockingly stiff voice. 

Skids were wiping away fuel tears. "Primus if MR. RULES AND REGS ever broke the rules, it'd be one for the history archives!" 

Riptide jabbed Skids in the side. "Ten shanix says he'd have them memorising regulations the whole time!" 

"Twenty shanix says they'd run screaming first!" Swerve shot back. 

The bets and ribbing escalated as more mechs joined in. Across the table, Rodimus shoved Magnus playfully. "C'mon Magnus, live on the wild side for once!" 

Magnus's rumbling huff was the only response. Watching his rigid commander finally loosening up filled Swerve with delight. Somehow, some way, he'd find a way to get Magnus to break protocol yet! It was shaping up to be the best night ever.

"Ohhh let's make this fun. I list some bots and you say if you think they would hook up with a human" Riptide states. "Rung, Drift and Ratchet" he calls out the names.

Swerve let out a dramatic gasp. "Ooh spicy!"

"Rung is definitely curious but way too professional. Might let loose over a couple cubes of engex though!" 

Skids broke into hysterics at Riptide's suggestions. "Rung and a HUMAN?! Rung doesn't even touch his OWN interface panel!" 

Rodimus snorted. "Can you imagine? 'My dear, it seems you're experiencing some psychological interfacing blockers. Please, tell me how that makes you feel.'" 

"Drift guy's definitely intrigued by other species, if you know what I mean. Plus he's artsy so he'd probably appreciate the 'aesthetic'." Swerve responds

"Drift might go for it, he's open to new experiences," Rodimus mused with a grin. 

Brainstorm nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed, his spiritual philosophies suggest an openness to cultural exchange that others may lack. I think if he and ratchet weren't together its something he might try" 

"Ratchet. bah! As if that grumpy old rust-bucket would try anything so illogical. Unless she's a doctor too and starts quoting his favourite protocols... then all bets are off!" Skids laughed. 

"Ratchet? Nah, too much of a hard aft. He'd just bitch about human biohazards the whole time," Swerve giggled. 

"Well if Drift was interested I'm pretty sure that mecn could get ratchet to do anything with the bat of his optics" Rodimus remarks.

The table erupted in raucous laughter. Swerve took a playful bow. "Alright bring on the next victims!" 

Riptide rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, how about...Tailgate, Cyclonus, and Whirl?" 

Swerve cackled wickedly. "Tailgate would be way too nervous but he'd try for his Conjunx Cyclonus. Cyclonus would 100% use his broody vibes to charm her pants off but only for Tailgate. And Whirl? He doesn't interface, he destroys! So that liaison better watch her interfacing ports around that lunatic!" 

Chromedome interjects stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Tailgate would be way too nervous and shy, I think. He'd probably short-circuit just from holding hands!" 

Riptide nodded. "Cyclonus has always struck me as the kinky type. Wonder if he's into those squishy bits like Brainstorm thinks..."

"Whirl would frag anything that moves," Rodimus interjected with a grimace. "But I don't think an organic would survive the experience!"

Brainstorm stroked his chin. "Indeed, Whirl's interfacing protocol subroutines seem rather...enthusiastic. Consent might be a fleeting concept. Better to observe from a safe distance." 

Swerve shuddered. "Ugh, don't make me picture that psycho getting 'friendly' with a human! I'm tryna keep my fuel down y'know." 

The names continue being dropped. 

 " First Aid! I don't know if the medic-bot's got it in him to break the rules. But I betcha if he did, he'd be real gentle and caring-like. He'd have them feelin' better than new in no time!" 

Skids grinned devilishly. "Yeah but would they feel better? Aid's so straight and narrow I bet he'd put em in stasis lock from boredom!" 

"Now Perceptor on the other hand..." Swerve tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Bookish type, but you know there's a passionate scientist in there waiting to experiment. Think he'd go slow and methodical, really take his time 'exploring the specimen'." 

"his thirst for organic sciences might overpower his good sense," Rewind remarks. 

“optimus prime, Prowl and bumblebee ” Chromedome interjects with his own inquiries. 

Swerve pretended to wipe away exhaust fumes. "Primus help me, this is gonna be good... Optimus Prime is obviously Mister Morality himself, but you know he's got a secret wild side under all that virtue signalling. Just imagine how freaky he could get with some alien nookie!" 

The bar erupted in incredulous, drunken laughter and cheers. Swerve grinned impishly. 

"As for Prowl, I'm telling you that stick up his tailpipe is begging to come out and play. One roll in the berth with a naughty fleshy and he'd loosen up reeeal nice!" 

"And Bee? He's a sweet kid, but you know what they say, it's always the quiet ones! Between his cute lil' face and that tight chassis, he'd have the human lining up to frag that glitch right into stasis!" 

The bar absolutely lost it, bots falling over each other in drunken hysterics. Even Mirage was struggling not to fall off his chair. Swerve took an exaggerated bow as his audience howled. 

"Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all cycle! Now who's ready for the next round?" More shouts and clanking glasses answered his call. It was shaping up to be the wildest night at Swerve's yet!

 Magnus dropping Megatron's name that really sent them over the edge.

"Megatron?! With the liaison?!" Rodimus howled with laughter, nearly spitting out his drink. "That's the funniest thing I've heard all cycle!" 

But Swerve wasn't done. "Megatron? Now THAT'S an image! 'You pathetic fleshbag, you DARE try to mount the great Megatron?! Grovel before my interface array!'" 

Magnus adds more information which makes everyone surprised " He and the ambassador are rather close" He states

Rewind speaks up from Chromedome’s side. "Y'know... they do have a certain chemistry. I'll bet under all that scowling and chipped armour there's a softie just waitin' for the right tender touch to melt his spark. And they have got sass to spare  bet they could handle Megatron's brooding and snarl!" 

"Twenty shanix says he'd have them trembling and beggin' for mercy in no time flat!" Skids bet eagerly. 

"You're on!" crowed Riptide. "But I still think Perceptor's the real dark horse..."

[teine-mallaichte]

Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.

So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.

Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.

Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.

The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.

this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.

So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:

Auditory Hallucinations

Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.

Common Examples:

Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.

Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.

Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.

Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.

Less used examples:

Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.

Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.

Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".

Visual Hallucinations

Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.

Common Examples:

Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.

Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.

Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.

Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.

Less Used Examples:

Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.

Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.

Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.

Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.

Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.

Gustatory Hallucinations

Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.

Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)

Common Examples:

Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.

Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.

Less Used Examples:

Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.

Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.

Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.

Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.

Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.

Olfactory Hallucinations

Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.

Common Examples:

Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.

Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.

Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.

Less Used Examples:

Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.

Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.

Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.

Tactile Hallucinations

Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.

Common Examples:

Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.

Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.

Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.

Less Used Examples:

Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.

Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.

Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.

Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.

Proprioceptive Hallucinations

Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.

Common Examples:

Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.

Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.

Less Used Examples:

Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.

Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.

Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.

Vestibular Hallucinations

Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.

Common Examples:

Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.

Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.

Less Used Examples:

Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.

Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.

Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.

Temporal Hallucinations

Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.

Common Examples:

Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.

Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.

Less Used Examples:

Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.

Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.

Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.

Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.

Interoceptive Hallucinations

Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.

Common Examples:

False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.

Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).

Less Used Examples:

Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.

Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.

Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.

Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations

Mental Illness:

Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.

Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.

Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.

EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.

In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).

Neurological Conditions:

Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.

Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.

Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.

Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.

Substance Use and Withdrawal:

Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.

Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.

Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.

You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.

Sleep Disorders:

Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.

Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.

Medical Conditions:

Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.

Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.

Medications:

Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.

Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.

Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.

Psychological Stress and Trauma:

PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.

Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.

Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:

Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.

Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.

Deprivation:

Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.

Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.

Autoimmune Disorders:

Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.

Tumors:

Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.

Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.

Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.

Complete Insight:

Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.

Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.

Partial Insight:

Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.

Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.

Lack of Insight:

Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.

Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.

Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.

Basically Insight Is Not Static.

Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.

so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.

Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.

A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever

[is-the-sky-blue]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS (PT 1): GOJO SATORU & GETO SUGURU

Synopsis: When you have questions about physical intimacy Satoru and Suguru are quick to answer them.

Warnings: 18+, satosugu x fem!reader, lots of kissing, praise, teasing

>Part 1< Part 2 Part 3

The subject of physical intimacy never really felt like a taboo topic for you, especially when you were only discussing it with your two close friends and you were swimming in unanswered questions.

The very first time you brought it up was in elementary school when you watched Suguru's mother plant a peck onto his father's cheek. It was a strange sight for your young mind to comprehend as you sat on the floor squished between the two boys, backs leaning against the Geto family's pristine couch that your trio never really used, your fingers toying with tufts of the rug as Digimon played on the television.

"What was that?" you questioned with a tilt of you head, wide eyes parting as the scene dispersed, training your focus on the kid of the two lovers.

"A kiss?" he said confused, unsure on what your question was trying ask, "doesn't your mama do that for your papa too," he raised his brow, pudgy fingers plopping a gold fish cracker into his mouth as you shook your head.

"My mama only kisses my forehead," you tap the space above your brows, "I thought your mama and papa are only supposed to kiss you, not each other," and Suguru stares at you quizzically.

"My mama and papa kiss all the time though," he states before turning to Satoru, "do your parents kiss," he asks, waving his hands in front of the young Gojo's face to pry his blue eyes from the tv.

"What!" he exclaims, glaring at the boy on your other side, not catching the question Suguru threw at him before rudely interrupting his Digimon time.

"Do your mama and papa kiss?" you queried this time, watching as his eyebrows raised.

"Not in front of me but sometimes, yeah," he says, biting the head off a red sour path kid.

"Does that mean my mama and papa are kissing in secret," you wondered, the image of your non affectionate parents pressing kisses to each other's forehead out of view from your eyes seeming like a strange secret to keep from you, especially when they argue with each other in front of you all the time.

"Probably," Suguru nods and the three of you brush past it.

The second time you ask about kissing is in your first year of junior high, coddled in blankets as your head rested on Satoru's shoulder as he munched on the popcorn in a bowl he held in his lap, Suguru on his opposite side. The heater rumbled in the corner as snowflakes fell from the night sky. The three of you sat peacefully on the couch, finally transitioning to sitting on the plush cushions of Suguru's sofa as you watched a cheesy Christmas rom-com movie.

"Doesn't that feel funny," you pipe up, watching as the main characters fell into each other's embrace, lips slipping against one another, and you finally realized why this sappy holiday movie was rated PG-13, as between their pressed lips you could see peeks of their tongue pushing into each other's mouths, holding their bodies close to one another as the camera panned around, showing different views of their searing and long awaited kiss that their impalpable chemistry yearned for.

"Funny?" Suguru mumbles, "why would it feel funny."

"They are putting their tongues in each other's mouth," you state bluntly, watching as their lips part as they pant only for the romantic music to persist as they leaned in once more, "wouldn't that feel... slimy?"

"Maybe," Satoru chimes, highly uninterested in the film you insisted on watching in the name of festivity, claiming it had to be good after seeing so many trailers and teasers for the film, "they are swapping spit"

 "It sounds gross when you say it that way," Suguru gagged, the scene in front of him now making him cringe.

"But it's the truth," Satoru huffs loading his mouth with butter covered kernels as you nodded your head.

"Then why do they do it if it feels weird," you furrow your brows.

"It must feel nice or something," Satoru concludes as though it was obvious, "love interests always talk about how their heart skips a beat whenever kissing is mentioned, but I feel like they might just be sick."

"It's supposed to be romantic," Suguru scrunched his nose and you had to admit the borderline make out scene on the television did seem pretty loving.

"Is feeling funny romantic," you question, confused.

"Well they say that you feel butterflies in your stomach when you like someone," the dark haired boy states, recalling the cliche line that seemed to satisfy your curiosities.

But that was until Satoru asked, "You wanna try it."

HUH!!!!

To say you were shocked would be an understatement with the way you physically flinched at the question. Try it, try kissing, kissing who, kissing them? You could feel yourself grow slightly warmer but as Suguru merely shrugged with a simple "sure," that appeared nonchalant but the blush on his face betrayed him, your mind caught up with your body which you found was already nodding.

Kissing, you were going to kiss them, your first kiss would be with one of them, but with who? It appeared the two boys also had the same internal monologue as Satoru hummed with furrowed brows, "should we just play rock paper scissors," he questioned, "and whoever is holding the same sign kiss first." Your first kiss would be decided by a game of rock paper scissors... you had to admit that this was pretty on brand for your trio.

Soon enough all three of your fists were shaking as the murmured, "rock paper scissors," was said until three sets of scissors appeared on each of your fingers, "again?" Satoru asked but you merely shook your head with a coy little grin.

"The fates have already spoken," you teased, "we all have to kiss."

"How?" Satoru mumbled watching as suddenly the gears began to turn in Suguru's head as his foot reached out to grab the coffee table and pulled it closer to the couch.

"Sit," he merely commanded, eyes on you as he gestured towards the structure and you quickly oblige, finding yourself eager to be apart of his newly formed plan as you peeled yourself from the bundle of blankets, shivering slightly at the feeling of the cool material seeping into the pant legs of your fuzzy pajamas, staring at the two boys who now sat in front of you.

"What now," you ask, staring at Suguru as he merely shook his head.

"I'm not really sure," he grinned bashfully, "but if we all lean it should work." 

"What a plan," Satoru scoffed, earning a light punch to the shoulder.

"What else should we do," Suguru retorted, "if we share each others first kiss then there is less stress," the dark haired boy grumbled, "it's hard to decide who I would want to kiss first," it was said quietly, barely above a whisper but you caught it, a gentle smile crossing your lips as you pressed a hand to his knee.

"We can just try," you mused, "it's just the three of us anyways, no ones gonna tell." 

"Guess so," Satoru huffed "am I supposed to count down or somethi-" but he cut himself off, watching the way you began to lean forward and quickly he followed suit.

It was strange to say the least, two pairs of lips on your own as the three of you kissed, a little triangle of mouths. Your eyes were screwed shut, focusing on the feeling, slightly scared what you'd see if you opened them. The kiss was short, quick, and kind of weird but the warming of your cheeks explained how oddly nice it felt as you pulled away.

You felt suddenly breathless as you pulled your hands into fists, staring wide eyed at the bright blushing boys in front of you.

You had just kissed them.

You had given your first kiss to Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru.

You might be the only person to say that, say your first kiss was given to not only one person but two. The strange pride you felt in your chest was oddly satisfying.

"What now," Satoru was the first to break the silence and you couldn't keep yourself from staring at his lips as he spoke, mesmerized.

"You two kiss first," you mumble out, forcing yourself to make eye contact with him and you could feel the anticipation in your gut grow as they stared at each other with flushed faces.

"Us two," Suguru murmured, entranced by his friend's eyes before turning to you, "why?"

"I want to watch," you admit shamelessly, adjusting your position as you sat comfortably on the table, enjoying the sight of the two boys on the couch who grew warm at your confident words, but the way Suguru slid his hand to cup Satoru's cheeks had you growing warm.

His finger brushed over his pink skin, holding his head in both his hands, keeping him still as they stared at each other intently and you could see Satoru's adam's apple bob ever so slightly as Suguru took the initiative, head moving closer before their lips melded, and your eyes refused to blink, scared to miss a single second as you watched your best friends kiss each other gently.

It lasted a couple seconds and you drank up every second, their lips didn't move like in the film, tongues didn't dance and part of you wanted to speak up about it, mention how they were doing it incorrectly, but you couldn't, it didn't feel right to comment as you watched the way their chest heaved as they panted into each other's mouth as they pulled away.

Instead you merely queried, "did it feel good," and Suguru turned his hooded eyes to you, hand carefully making it's way to your face and you found anticipation begin to grow.

"Why don't you see for yourself."

Quickly you fell into him, eyes shutting as you let him kiss you and you could feel yourself understanding why they couldn't bring themselves to press their tongues inside like the actors had done in the movie, the rush of adrenaline and pure excitement his lips elicited had you clenching your fists as you leaned against him, you felt like a ball of nerves, scared to mess up but the small area where the two of you connected slowly began to soothe you.

God was your face hot.

You pulled away breathless, closed eyes opening to Suguru's smug smile as he tossed your question back at you, "did it feel good," and you felt a strange warmth in your belly as your post-kissed lips pursed.

"mhm," was all you could hum, tongue suddenly feeling numb in your mouth, you don't think you were going to kiss like the movie tonight but that didn't elicit any kind of disappointment, not when Satoru perked in his spot.

"My turn," was all he said before he began to lean in, hands tracing the spots where Suguru once placed his warm palms, his long fingers extending further that his counterpart as his somehow cold hands held you, pretty pink lips finding their way to yours as he quickly captured you.

For some reason you believed that kissing would always feel the same, sure there were different types of kisses but you thought that kissing Suguru would feel the same as kissing Satoru but quickly you were proven wrong, even if it was through a little closed mouth connection.

Suguru was light, lips pressing yours tenderly and with this all consuming warmth as his hot palms held your head lightly, holding you close whereas Satoru was a little bit rougher, lips pressing hard into yours as though he was trying to devour you, his slightly cold palms cupping your face gently but firmly as he pulled you into him.

They were each other's antithesis and yet despite their contrasting polarities you were undoubtedly attracted to both, finding yourself melting into both kisses with earnest as you found yourself just as breathless as Satoru pulled away, his fingers pinching the fat of your cheek one last time before letting them fall to his sides.

You felt like you were on a whole other plane of existence as your lungs tried to find air, your eyes finding pretty little grins that made you splay one on your own kiss fried lips.

Over the years the three of you had shared many secrets, from Satoru confessing to the two of you that it was indeed him that had broken the principal's window with a baseball, to Suguru confiding that he had practically run away from a girl who tried to give him a love letter.

Now the three of you had shared yet another secret, but this one was far from the rest, settling in it's own little category, hiding from prying eyes, it's content much more intimate than the others.

A dirty little secret had begun to fester and the three of you nurtured it with care.

The moment had marked the very first point in time in which you grew much more intimate.

Farewells were no longer only paired with hugs but kisses to the cheek or forehead as well. Cuddles on the couch oftentimes included a kiss to the lips. Innocent touches began to grow much more common as the three of you found yourself locked in Suguru's room, lips touching lips in the space, as unlike your home, in the Geto household the open door policy was not in effect.

So behind closed doors the three of you stole not only each other's first kiss, but your second, third, fourth, and many more after that.

It was in your second year of junior high when your kisses were born from less desire and more fun, a general domestic love beginning to blossom and snickers parted past your lips.

"Orange!"

"Strawberry."

They threw out their guesses, licking off the gloss coating their mouths. "Strawberry," you nod and Suguru pumped his fists as Satoru slumped.

"How is that strawberry," he fumed, leaning in for yet another taste of your chapstick covered lips only to grumble in annoyance, "Suguru what kind of lip glosses are you buying," he huffs, "they don't even taste right," and Suguru shrugged his shoulders, indulging in your taste once again before sighing.

"First of all these are chapsticks," the boy corrected, "second of all don't blame me because your tastebuds are all messed up." 

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

Currently they were in a battle to see who could guess the most flavours correct after Suguru had given you a multi pack of chapsticks at the store his uncle ran, getting them for free after stocking a couple shelves, determined to place them in your care after an offhand comment you made about your lips being dry.

"Did you taste the flavours before giving them to her like some weirdo pervert," Satoru accused as you wiped off the previous flavour, secretly spreading a different balm over your lips, "are you into licking chapsticks and then giving them to girls!"

"You were there when she opened the package."

"You could've resealed it."

"Stop being a sore loser," Suguru complained before training his attention on you, watching as you laugh in jest, clearly enjoying their banter before stealing your focus, your eyes instinctively falling closed as he cupped your face, thumb trailing over the apple of your cheek as he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, your shoulders decompressing as you eagerly melted into him before he was rudely pulled off.

"Stop hogging her, you are going to lick off the taste," Satoru is quick to state before leaning in, capturing your lips before you could even open your eyes again. You can hear a thwack as Suguru smacks the boys back, the jolt lightly jostling your own head.

"I'm not licking off anything," he grumbles, rolling his eyes as the snowy haired boy finally reeled himself away, or rather you pushed him off, hand coming up to his mouth to keep him from going in again as you laughed, trying to catch your stolen breath as Satoru licked his lips.

"You have your guesses," you muse at the two boys, their heads nodding before you count down.

"Vanilla!"

"Vanilla."

You have to bite your lips to keep a giggle at bay, the way they look at each other is filled with so much irritation.

"You stole my answer!" Satoru claims with an accusatory finger.

"Why would I steal your answer if you've been wrong for the past five rounds!" and before you let their bickering continue, you cut them off.

"Well regardless you both are wrong," you confess, openly snickering at their widened eyes before reaching behind you to grab the container, flashing the label.

"Snowstorm..." Suguru trails off.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME," Satoru exclaims, brows shooting to his forehead before he's on you, tackling you onto Suguru's mattress, cupping the back of your head to make sure you don't hit the sheets too hard before he's sitting on your torso, staring down at you. "What the hell does a snowstorm taste like," he scrunches his face, faux anger directed towards you as though you were the one to manufacture the labels.

"Vanilla apparently," you laugh, his fingers merely gripping your shoulders tighter before kissing you once more, mumbling, 'snowstorm my ass,' as he tastes it again, or rather you again.

Until then the dirty little secret the three of you shared wasn't all that dirty, you merely pressed closed mouth kisses to each other's lips, tiny little pecks at best onto your faces in the confines of a bedroom, hands never trailing below the shoulders, never taking the time to explore the intricacies of each others bodies, tongues never taking the time to explore each other's mouths.

Well that was until the holidays rolled around once more, the three of your perched on Suguru's couch as junior high third years, the very same movie playing on the screen.

"Do you still think it feels funny," Satoru chimes smugly, elbowing your side as he sits in the middles, squished between you and Suguru much like a couple years prior as he held the bowl of popcorn in his hands.

"I dunno," you murmur, the scene that sparked the question that day playing on the television as the actor's slipped inside each other's mouths.

"What do you mean you don't know," he huffs, leaning his head on your shoulder as you focus on the screen.

"Well we only really give each other, pecks..." you try, "while they are french kissing," the terms felt quite foreign on your tongue, the only reason they were added to your dictionary because of a youtube video you watched. You weren't signed into your account so the generic algorithm, yet to be fed with your likes presented an array of miscellaneous content, one of which titled 'How to French Kiss' that caught your attention quickly, and despite your brain telling you it was stupid and weird thing to watch you still clicked on it, watching mesmerized as two people went through different types of kisses, ranging from the chaste kisses you were familiar with to ones full of tongue that you had only witnessed in films.

"Isn't french kissing the one where they kiss each other's cheeks," Satoru furrows his brows.

"That is French," Suguru notes, "but a french kiss is like the one they're doing," he gestures to the movie.

"It's the one where they shove their tongues in their mouths," you add and Satoru cringed much like how he did last year when you stated the same words and he sighs before collecting himself.

"You wanna try," and you could feel a strange sense of deja vu as the events began to play out once more. Suguru's foot grabbed the table and you found your seat, as instead of playing rock paper scissors this time you urged the two boy's to kiss first and they quickly obliged your request, never ones to ever really deny you. 

"You sure you don't wanna all touch tongues first," Satoru hums, teasingly eying you as Suguru carefully grasped his face, listening to your laugh before lips splayed onto his.

You stared intently as the scene unfolded similarly to years prior, and the longer you watched the more you realized that this was far too similar to years prior. Their tongues not dancing and instead of biting back your words you blurt them out, "you are supposed to use your tongue," you state and you can hear Suguru hum as he pulls away.

"I was getting there," he grumbles, eying your captivated figure before an all too smug smirk graced his lips that soon captured Satoru once more. You were glued to the scene, a muffled gasp playing into your ears as Suguru finally parted their sealed lips, mouths moving in tandem as between their newly angled heads, pretty peeks of pink tongues were spotted. You watched as though they were a film, two teenage boys holding each other tightly, Suguru's hands cupping Satoru's face gingerly while he threaded his fingers through dark locks, their faces illuminated by the tv screen behind you, painting reddened cheeks with a frosty blue glow as they moved their eager mouths.

They were an oil painting, a beauty that you felt unworthy to bare witness to as they displayed themselves to you, vulnerable and full of desire as they slid against one another, hands beginning to wander as Suguru slid from Satoru's warmed cheeks to his shoulders before planting on his hips, the hands threaded in his hair yanking and you licked your watering mouth, their eyes closed in bliss as hums of contentment rang through your ears, audio of the movie that once played ignored as the only music you wanted to listen to was them, the only art you wanted to consume was them.

It was delicate in the way the two finally pulled away, kiss bitten lips finally experiencing what it was to kiss, what it was to love, to pour yourself into a single part of yourself, to share that love with a partner despite the labels placed on one another being friends, they experienced a yearning for more and that yearning included you.

"Does it feel nice," you muse, the nostalgic words bringing Suguru's love drunk hooded eyes towards you, hair that was once neatly tied in a pretty black bun falling in rivulets as they framed his face.

"Do you run on a script or something," the boy mused, glittering at the familiar words as he reached for you.

"Just following tradition," you hum, "after all isn't that a large part of the holidays," you smile as he begins to lean closer.

"I don't really like traditions," he sighs, "but if those traditions include you two, I'll follow them until the day I die," and he shifted closer before murmuring, "why don't you see for yourself," to appease you and just like that he was on you, leaving you no time to laugh at the sappy words as he pressed himself into you, and finally you began to understand why he placed a chaste kiss to Satoru first.

The nerves that jumbled beneath your skin at the thought of participating in a tongue driven dance melted as he consumed you, the familiar feeling of his lips that you've felt against yours for hours at a time gracing your mouth, nothing different, nothing new, your fear of the unknown now deceased as he gave you a comfort of the known, warm lips against yours as his warm hands pressed against your cheeks before he pulled away, letting you take in a breath of air before he stole it once more.

He grasped you in his spell once more, enchanting you to his whims as he angled his head in a way you've never felt before, his lips hitting yours as he urged you to open your mouth alongside him, gently guiding you in a waltz as you finally felt his warm tongue enter your mouth, the foreign intrusion not unwelcome as he helped, his roaming hands finding purchase on your hips with one on the back of your scalp, pushing you into him as you fisted the fabric of his shirt, scared to explore as you went dizzy as he drank you in, guiding you so gently as you kissed, lips glued as he moved you in sync.

It was heated, with a fuzzy feeling lighting up your brain as you focused on him and only him, his two hands that were on you, drinking in their warmth until that warmth multiplied to four and you immediately recognize his touch, his slightly colder hands running along the length of your waist, lithe fingers squeezing as they scaled every curve. You were being devoured, nibbled upon by gentle lips and groping touches as they both set off on an adventure, wandering around on the island of your body and you let them.

You couldn't help but whine when you felt the warm kiss break off, cold air rushing into your screaming lungs that you couldn't care less about, you wanted him, needed him but before you could even make an attempt for his pretty lips he sang those oh so familiar words, "did it feel good," and just like last time your fumbling mouth couldn't run, words stolen by him as you merely hummed.

"mhm," airy and light as you stared at him with desire, feeling your beating heart thrum in your ears as you felt the hands that traversed your waist pull you towards him, grabbing your attention with his beautiful blue eyes, pink lips awaiting your arrival as he grinned.

"My turn pretty," he didn't ask but rather commanded, and you couldn't give yourself time to dwell on the pet name that spilled from his lips, the name that didn't refer to you as pretty but the embodiment of the word itself, your warmed cheeks the only evidence of his effect as he pulled for you and you shut your eyes to wait, only to hear a soft, "Tilt your head Toru," and as you peeked them open you could see Suguru's large fingers guiding Satoru's mouth to yours, angling his face to the side and you could feel yourself burning, lips parting and then you could feel Satoru on you, lips finding purchase on your own and you reached for his face, hands cupping Suguru's who merely interlaced your fingertips upon Satoru's cheek.

Satoru was, much like with all the sweets he ate, eager, tongue delving into your mouth. He was Suguru's opposite in all forms as his sloppy, unpracticed lips took whatever you had to offer. It was a clash of teeth and tongue and while it was messy and far from the tender guiding kiss Suguru offered it still made your mind blast off fireworks.

He didn't guide you but dominated you much to your compliance as your melting lips put up no protest. His hands travelled high up your torso, barely brushing against the side of your boob before travelling back down, elated fingers brushing and squeezing as he kissed you, finally and truly kissed you.

The two of you separated against your own will but to your lungs relief, as your heaving chest gulped down air as soon as your connected mouth parted, but despite your detachment a single clear tether held your two mouths together,  the thin bridge connecting you two slowly dissolved the further your head shifted away.

Suguru could feel himself gulp, the lewd saliva strand that stood between his two friend's mouths doing things to his body he couldn't quite understand, the very image something he wanted to burn into his memory, a picture he wanted to frame and as he watched the two of you pant he couldn't help the tug on his chest that filled him with lust.

He watched as your form straightened, bleary eyes blinking as you stared at Satoru, cloudy vision trained on his lips and as you opened your mouth to speak he expected to hear your sultry voice spill a praise that'd make his heart skip a beat, but he was quick to put that thought to rest.

"S-Satoru are you..." you pause, catching your breath, "eating sour gummies," you question, eyes wide with shock as Satoru flinched at your words.

"W- Wha, huh, N-No!" he stumbles, taken aback.

"You are," you gasp, "you totally are!" and you are pouncing forward, trying to pat around the couch to find where he hid the package as Suguru quickly removed the popcorn bowl from the vicinity, placing it on a side table as you and Satoru begin to wrestle, the white haired boy trying to fight you off as you peel away the blankets.

"Get off me you psycho!" he exclaims, "I don't have anything."

"Then why do you taste like blue raspberry!" you yell.

Soon enough your dirty little secret grew a little bit more filthier as instead of quick little kisses the three of you entered in contact that would be considered make outs. Bodies tightly wound as hands wandered from waists, to hips, to light brushes against chests and sliding over an occasional ass. Lips were more fervent in their approach with erotic sounds to match the pace as little whines and gasps graced the room.

Kisses were often given in more risky places eliciting slight protests as you hid between tall abandoned shelves in the library, pinned between bodies and books as they'd shush you. Kisses placed in the Gojo estates bathroom as you did your best to stay quiet as to not alert the wandering workers as they cleaned the manor. 

Your kisses never escalated into anything more but the two boys always seemed to scratch the irritating itch at the back of your brain that blossomed every so often, the itch they clambered over to soothe. The kisses you shared were always heated, lasting for nearly hours as the time between each session was lingering near months as times like this came few and far between. Despite the fact that something like this should've signaled something more in your trio, should've alluded to the three of you taking the next step in your relationship, you all stayed at the title of friends, or best friends, if that made it any better.

You were just a couple of pals who made out once and a while and went out together all the time, some would say you were dating but the thought never really crossed your mind, mainly because you didn't dare think about it. Especially since the kisses you shared weren't given on the regular, even quick pecks hidden from the public's eyes, it was because these were your dirty little secrets.

[noneorother]

I broke down the hilarious amount of "Aziraphale tartans" so you don't have to.

I've been slowly going bonkers collecting the amount of times members of the cast/creators and fans of Good Omens over the years have referred to various things as "Aziraphale's tartan". Even on merchandise, I've seen wildly varying opinons about what pattern Aziraphale's tartan actually is. Your resident graphic designer has decided to sit down and just do the damned thing*. Exhibit A) Tartan Origin

Sarah Arnett posted this image to her instagram in 2019, having created "Heaven's dress tartan for the character Aziraphale". However, the only time I've actually seen this pattern used in good omens is in the season 2 announcement poster made by Mickey, and maybe on a pair of socks Aziraphale wears in season 1, (but I'm not convinced).

So here's what that looks like. Note I've rotated the original pattern 90 degrees clockwise in my final pattern (far right) for reasons that will become clear shortly.

Exhibit B) Aziraphale's Bowtie, Thermos, Notebook etc.

This is the tartan that Aziraphale actually wears for most of seasons 1 & 2.** It's a recoloured version of the Exhibit A), and has been rotated 90 degrees on it's bowtie application so that the darker bars run vertical, and not horizontal. The problem is, while the direction of the pattern on his accessories doesn't change, it does on the bowtie. You can see examples of the tartan going right OR left in both season 1 and 2.

Exhibit C) Aziraphale's Brown Bowtie...

This Tartan isn't just a trick of the light. For the first park bench scene in season 1, Aziraphale is wearing a version of his regular bowtie, recoloured in brown and rotated 90 degrees, so that it fits with the direction of the original Exhibit A) Tartan, but not with the direction of the tartan on his Exhibit B) regular bowties. This bowtie was made special, from cloth cut in the opposite direction.

Exhibit D) Aziraphale's Magical Cravat!

Now this is where it starts to get interesting! I haven't seen many people discuss Aziraphale's magician disguise from season 1, but his cravat actually has both Exhibit B) and Exhibit C) tartans to create a contrasting double sided tartan: the outward facing brown, and the hidden, inward facing blue (according to costumer, because of lack of enough brown).

Exhibit E) Saraqael's and Muriel's Tartan

Don't be fooled, Saraqael's and Muriel's tartan may look similar in colour to Aziraphale's, but when you pick it apart, it's got inverse colours, and mildly squished horizontal striping. If you note the orange boxes in each picture, you can see the ratio of the blue stripe to the vertical stripes in each tartan is different, while keeping the overall pattern and ratio in each direction the same. Exhibit E) has a square intersection. It's also usually woven much larger. This tartan also introduces a small sliver of hunter green into the beige/blue/purple palette that's been seen so far.

Exhibit F) Gabriel's Tartan Blanket

Like the others, Gabriel's S2E1 blanket is a variation on the original Heaven's Dress Tartan. It's got very squished horizontal striping though, and is woven even larger than the Saraqael Tartan. Most noticeably though, while it has the same grey vertical striping as Exhibit E) it's now got even more green in it, and the purple is gone almost entirely (save one line).

Exhibit F) Have a bonus Crowlee Tartan from the Season 1 body swap miracle that matches none of these.

It's silver silk though. Can I get a wahoo....?

__________________________________________ *Disclaimer: I am not Scottish, and definitely not an expert in tartan, just a tired graphic designer. If you want tartan expertise, you can go here (although I don't really agree with what they say about the main colour pattern) https://livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com/post/189300035060/a-discourse-on-tartan

**In order to deduce colours, I've used high quality BTS footage or photography in neutral lighting whenever possible. Especially in season 2, colour grading and post processing of the final show make colour matching between scenes and/or seasons impossible.

[jjwolves]

The most recent Ena fic (the one where the reader transforms as they continue to be in this digital world) reminded me of a passing thought I had once: What do you think would happen if someone was isekai'd into her world AS an Ena? Like, a human in the real world who transformed into a member of Ena's species in this new dimension? Do you think BBQ Ena would be willing to take them under her wing? What about Webseries Ena?

You can take this as a request or not, it's your call. But if you do write about this idea, may I request you keep it platonic? Sort of like siblings? I feel a little odd about Ena dating Ena... I'd prefer if we didn't Onceler-ify the poor woman, ya know?

TUTORIAL LEVEL · · ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── · ·

What: ENA and ENA the Worker X ENA!Reader (Platonic)

Who: ENA and ENA the Worker from ENA and ENA Dream BBQ (Both by Joel G)

How Much: ~800 Words, ~4 mins

Credits: Image Banner -> Joel G

Warnings: None

A/N: HOW ABOUT BOTH MWAHAHA

ENA has lived many different lives as an anthology anomaly. One aeon she’s going on adventures with her moon friend, the other, she’s employed. Her existence was like a closed loop until you showed up, breaking into samsara. You had wandered across a world where every wondrous creature you met treated you like a pest. Your days were marked with confusion, until she found you and was… surprised. How could this be? Had she respawned incorrectly? She couldn’t compute what you were doing, being her. Having a face like hers. It shouldn’t be possible, but it was. And she was…

...Delighted! She had never, in all her travels, met someone who was like her! You two had so much to talk about! “Oh! How nice to meet a fellow conspirator! Your face… It’s just like mine!” ENA made sure to pull your suprisingly solid hair and experimentally pinch your polygonal cheeks. You were glad to meet a friendly face, but the head-touching was getting annoying and you waved her hands away. “Are you some kind of doppelganger?” A glitch-and-switch into blue. “If it’s true, just kill me and replace me already! I bet you’d do a better job than ME!” You weren’t startled by the sudden change—after all, you’d been a walking collection of emotional outbursts yourself. ENA chuckled nervously and returned to sunshine. “Ahem. Apologies. Would you like me to reveal to you the wonders of this land?” You would.

ENA gives you an enthusiastic tour of her strange world, occasionally interjecting with gentle advice when you would touch something that might be unsafe. Along the way, she gestures and dances excitedly as she talks about her favorite places. “This is Auction Hill. My good friend Moony and I come here to bet on various things. Oh, do be careful of the rainrocks. You’ll get squished!” ENA seems to take a great deal of delight in taking on a role which she usually doesn’t occupy: that of the mentor and guide. “Now, now. That banana is not to be touched! A man and his blue friend informed me that it is unsanitary.” She does little jumps and maneuvers to get into places which are difficult to reach, and then turns around, patiently waiting for you to do the same. When you eventually get it, she alternates between exclaiming “Joy!” and sobbing about how “You just got here and you’re better at it than I am!” When you part ways for the first time, you promise to come visit her again. “I look forward to your visitation. Thank you for letting me be your tutorial character!”

...Eager! ENA the Worker is a little bit different than her more carefree counterpart. She’s glad to meet someone who’s like her, and she’s happy to educate you on the ways of the world, but it’ll be filtered through her very business-oriented mindset. “Welcome, unsuspecting customer. Or should I say�� employee?” She tacks a nametag onto you. “I am no longer the boss of myself, so I will be your boss today. Er, supervisor.” A switch. “GET TO WORK! SUPERVISOR’S ORDERS!” ENA is pretty busy, so she leaves sticky notes for things that you need to do and how to do them in a place you can easily see, but it’s ENA. It’s hardly comprehensible. Notes include ‘reach for the stars’, ‘sell stock’ and ‘try oil’. That last one left you more stumped than the others.

She sits you down to talk about your ‘job performance’. You’re pretty sure you haven’t been paid, so you’re not sure why you’re working for her. Smiling, and with a hint of sarcasm, she chirps, “Your performance has been terrible. Every time we talk to a customer, you end up crying on/screaming at/being apathetic towards/trying to kiss them! How unprofessional!” She passes the baton to her pale side. “ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY JOB OR SOMETHING! YOU WANNA TRY BEING MANAGER?!” You point out that she said she was the supervisor. “IT’S BOTH!” You flip to one of your extremes and both start getting tangled in a chaotic emotional clash. Froggy can’t stand it. “Will you both shut the hell up?!”

[dimalry]

hi love!! hope you’re having a lovely day!! just wanted to say that i utterly adore your style, it has this idk…atmosphere? vibe? that is just so fun and cute and UGH i wanna squish all your drawings but also everyone is so hot and i love it!! i was wondering, whats your favourite crackship within acotar?? 🤍

I don’t know how to handle this much love 🤧 I hope you have a lovely day as well 💕

I‘d say I love the popular crack ships like Neris, Azris and Morlain. However, my absolute FAVORITE is Emerie x Nuan.

Hear me out, a few months ago I wanted to draw every acotar woman in the way I picture them. Right after Emerie I drew Nuan and this is what came out:

Obviously she isn’t done yet (I kind of abandoned it for weeks), but I‘m IN LOVE with this version of Nuan and so I made some headcanons like her being a lonely, workaholic, awkward introvert, who‘s into tech and wants to advance all of Prythian, specifically Day court. One thing let to another and now I have an entire angsty love story about Emerie and Nuan.

I also realized that I don’t actually ship Mor and Emerie simply because I don’t vibe with Mor‘s character. I love this image of Emerie being in a love triangle though 🤍

Anyway, now I have too many stories in my head that I‘d love to make it real: Feysand then Nessian (just rewritten stories), Gwynriel alongside Emerie‘s story, Elucien and lastly Nuarie.

[darksigns-exe]

ghost in the silence // deer in the headlights — part i: the void between us

Warnings: Grief, minor character death, swearing, alcohol and drug consumption, intercourse, swearing

Word Count: 10k

masterlist | series masterlist | taglist sign-up

The comments are full of the same comparison. 

Pia can see it in a way. 

But then again, they’re all a little guilty of finding inspiration in Sempiternal, although she would never admit that to Oli. She’s not giving him that satisfaction. But the commenters under this video are taking things a little bit too seriously even for her taste. From what she can tell, this is a fairly new band. At least this is the first she’s heard of them. The label had sent her a few links of bands they were considering as support for the bands' next tour. It wouldn’t be a big run, just a couple of shows up and down the country. 

These guys could be fun to bring along, Pia thinks. She does a little more digging, looks up what their live shows are like. She has a reputation to uphold, after all, can’t bring a group of dorks on tour who are only good on tape. 

Deciding that she’s happy with what she’s seeing, she sends a couple of links to the rest of the band. 

The rest will have to co-sign her decision before she’ll even consider giving the label an answer. 

While she waits for their responses, Pia orders another Americano. Maybe this one will take her headache away. With her coffee ordered, Pia decides to actually reach out to the band. Regardless of if they’ll bring them along or not, she wants to show a little bit of support. She knows how much that means when you’re still in the infancy of your career. 

She pulls up the band's account. 

badomenscult

It’s a little cliché, but there are only so many ways to name an Instagram account. She scrolls through their posts for a bit and quickly before she settles on a message. 

⮚ Hi! Just got sent some of your stuff and really liked it. Do you have stuff planned for next year?

She’s popped into enough band guys' DMs at this point to feel somewhat unaffected by it. It stopped being a big deal once they started to crawl into hers. She doesn’t expect an immediate response. She doesn’t know where exactly in the US they are, but Pia knows that it’ll still be early over there. 

She still has a few things she needs to finish before she can take a break. The band pays okay, but it’s still not enough to feed everyone. And besides that, Pia would rather have a second leg to stand on, just in case. 

By the time she has tweaked the last few things on the poster she’s been working on, Alex and Morgan have already given their approval. She’ll annoy the other’s about it when they meet up later that week. 

It’s nearing three when she decides to call it quits for the day. She’ll stop by the shops on the way home, pick up something quick to eat so that she won’t have to worry about that. 

The line-up of sandwiches and salads is always unimpressive, and she settles on the same pasta salad she usually goes for. As a treat, she grabs a bottle of Lambrusco that will leave her with the worst hangover. 

She needs the buzz of it, though. 

Just as Pia turns the corner towards the underground station, her phone pings with a notification. 

She pulls it from her bag, unlocking the screen quickly. 

noahbehumble liked your post

When she taps on it, it’s an image from 2012. A horrifically grainy and honestly unflattering image of her squished between a variety of people at Slam Dunk. She’d just turned 18 and spent the summer selling merchandise for another band to build up a little bit of a cushion before she’d start university. 

It’s a nice memory, but it’s buried so far down her timeline that she doubts that he meant to like it. When she checks the people who have liked it, his username has conveniently disappeared again. 

A moment later, a message from the band account pops up at the top of her screen. 

⮘ Hey! Thanks for the support. We’re currently looking for shows to book over the summer. We have a couple of festivals lined up but nothing big - Noah

Pia decides to let him stew for a moment. He can wait until she’s home. And at any rate, she doesn’t know if they’ll even go for these guys. But there’s something endearing about how quickly he’d answered. She knows the excitement too well. She’d been through the roof the first time someone from a bigger band had reached out to her. 

They’d just put out the EP, entirely independently. And sure, all of them had friends and contacts in the scene before, but the five of them had been determined to make it with as little support as possible. The overall reception had been so much better than any of them had anticipated. The cherry on top of all of it had been the love they got from other bands – their peers. Hearing that they liked what they’d put out had been so incredibly validating. 

Throughout the ride home, Pia tries to come up with a good way to keep this conversation going, even if they don’t end up taking them on this tour, she wants to keep things friendly. 

You can never know, after all. 

By the time she’s home, Pia is sure that she’s come up with a decent answer.

⮚ Oh that’s sick. We’re coming to the US for a few shows later that year too, maybe we’ll run into each other at some point

It’s neither here nor there, but she can’t exactly ​​tell Noah that they’re considering them as openers. That’ll be a job for their label. 

The flat is too quiet when she unlocks the door. 

She still isn’t used to it. And she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be. It’s especially bad in the mornings. Sometimes she thinks that he’ll be there when she wakes up, but the bed is always empty. The sheets are starting to lose his scent too. 

Pia hasn’t had the heart to put any of his things away yet. 

Realistically, it would probably help if she’d do that. 

Not being constantly reminded of what has been can only help her, but at the same time, removing him from their home makes it final. 

And so she avoids the flat as much as she can. 

She works from a café in the city, even if the coffee is too expensive there. Pia doesn’t remember the last time she set foot in the kitchen to cook a real meal, either. None of this is healthy, she’s well aware of that. But she just isn’t ready to let him go yet. 

You don’t just let six years disappear like that. 

She knows that he’d want her to move on, and honestly, she’s trying, but taking the steps is so much harder than she thought it would be. She��d poured all of her pain and anger and sadness into writing this album, hoping that it would take a little bit of it from her shoulders. 

They’re almost done recording it and maybe by the time it’s out in the world, she’ll feel a little less heavy. 

The week drips by like honey. 

Pia goes through the motions of her daily life. It’s a safe routine that keeps her on track as best as possible, but she still finds herself struggling. Her mornings do become a little easier, if only because she drags herself out of the house at the crack of dawn to start working. It’s not entirely healthy either, but at least she’s not rotting away in bed for the whole day anymore. 

The one time she’d dared to go out with friends — they’d practically dragged her out of the house and into the nearest pub — people got so offended that Pia hadn’t shown herself publicly for a good few weeks. 

How dare she try to crawl out of this Marcus-shaped hole again? 

It’s been all downhill from there – as if she hadn’t been heading towards a destructive downward spiral already. 

In a way, Pia understands it. They want her to be upset because he is was a beloved figure in the scene. People have lost, and she understands that they want him to be mourned, but they’re demanding something impossible for the sake of her well-being. She’s glad that she’s become aware of this at least. And maybe that’s the first step in the right direction. 

She’s saying her big goodbye with this album. 

She still has a few tracks that they’d worked on together. Fragments of things that she at least wants to try to incorporate into this new album. Maybe that’ll make it feel  a little better. 

It’s been almost six months, and one some days, Pia still catches herself thinking that she has to stop by the hospital to visit him. 

Taking this particular line will always remind her of that. She almost gets out at an earlier stop but catches herself, just before she rises from her seat. 

Maybe one day she won’t feel like this anymore and this stop will just be a normal stop again. 

Stepping out into the stuffy underground station, Pia quickly makes her escape towards daylight. She stops by one of the overly expensive coffee shops on her way to the studio they’re renting at the moment. She lets herself into the building with the electronic key fob. 

Pia can already hear the rest of the band debating further inside the space. Whatever they’re discussing has them tangled up in a heated debate. Knowing her friends, it’s not that serious, and they’re just trying to rile each other up. 

“Look who’s finally made it.” Liam announces, when she attempts to quietly sneak into the main room. 

Pia pushes the nagging anxiety to the back of her mind – at least she tries to. Keeping herself occupied with this will be good. She throws herself into the conversation, hoping that it’ll make her chest feel less tight.  

“So what are we thinking for the tour?” Charlie asks when they gather in the main room for lunch. 

“I think there’s a clear winner.” Alex replies, taking a bite out of his burger, “Don’t get me wrong they’re all good, but I really felt that those Bad Omens boys have a lot of potential.” 

Pia had a feeling that they’d all be on the same side with this. 

“I messaged their singer. He seems nice.” Pia adds, “Said that they’ve been trying to get a foot in the door over here, but their label hasn’t been very helpful.” 

They all know what that feels like. Their label had been rather unhelpful in getting them overseas so far and the band had only made it to the States with the help of friends. Another thing she’ll never tell Oli about. 

His ego really doesn’t need that. 

It’s a quick decision. Liam’s excitement about the band's drummer seems to seal the deal and while the real final decision is with the label this is a pretty done deal. They won’t tell the band until the label has given their okay.

Pia’s glad that they decided on these guys, they remind her a little of their own start. If it hadn’t been for other people having faith in them, they’d never made it this far. It’s only fair if they try to do the same for other bands. 

It’s nearly midnight when they leave the studio again. It starts to feel better, as if every bar they write, every song they finish seals up the open wounds in her chest a little bit more. It’ll take a while for it to heal completely but for the moment the exhaustion of the day is heavier than the grief. It’s a good kind of exhaustion. The kind you feel after a day of creating and engaging with people you like. On the way back home, Pia lets her eyes slip shut. The rhythmic rattling of the underground almost lulls her into sleep, but the sharp sounds of the breaks stops her just before her mind slips from her entirely. 

She watches as a few more stragglers enter the carriage. She only has a few stations left until she has to exit. As much as she dreads going home, she can’t wait to curl up under her duvet. 

Sometimes she thinks that she should just get a new place, start over in a new part of town. There’s so much attached to this one place. Moving out of that flat would surely make things easier, but at the same time Pia has never felt more at home in a place. And maybe she just needs to find a way to feel comfortable there without Marcus. He’d want her to move on, to be happy without him. Moving on doesn’t mean that she’s erasing him entirely, even if that is what it feels like on some days. 

Climbing the stairs to the top of the station feels odd, knowing that he wouldn’t be there to walk home with her. Whenever she’d come home late, Marcus would pick her up from the station, and they’d talk the long way home, stopping on the way to get a little late night snack. Now, Pia takes the shortest route home, not stopping unless absolutely necessary. Their part of the city isn’t unsafe, but walking around on her own like this has always made her a little nervous. 

The flat is quiet when she enters. 

It’s always quiet now, but for the first time in a while the quiet doesn’t feel overwhelming. Instead, Pia feels a rush of comfort when she closes and locks the door behind herself. She takes a moment, draws in a deep breath, before she toes off her trainers. 

The noise of the city is non-existent here. There was always comfort and quiet in this place, and maybe Pia just to find a way to let herself feel all that again. She’s managed to shed the overwhelming guilt that she’s still here when Marcus isn't, so maybe she’ll be able to feel comfortable in her own home again some day. 

June comes around sooner than Pia had expected. Before she knows it, they’re rehearsing the new songs and getting the show ready. 

They've been informed that they’ll meet Bad Omens a week before the first show in Leeds. They’re friends with the other support and will travel to the venue with them. 

Pia is surprisingly excited to play these songs live. Over the last few months, she’d found herself dreading the moment she’d have to step on stage and face these people. They’ll forever look at her as the person who could or should have done more. They’re not alone in that. For months, Pia had told herself that she should have seen it coming. That she should have known, but at the end of the day there was nothing more she could have done. Pia had chewed through the whole thing multiple times with her therapist, just to be repeatedly reminded that she had done everything she could have done. 

She had come as soon as she had heard him fall, she’d called the ambulance, tried to resuscitate him while she’d waited for them. In the end, the paramedics had pronounced Marcus dead less than five minutes after they’d arrived. 

They had taken her to the hospital too, and Pia hadn’t fully realised what had actually happened until a few hours later. 

Since then, she’d played through that day again and again, trying to find something she could have done differently. And much to her dismay, she’d always come to the same conclusion. 

She had done everything she could have done. 

Pia had thought about clearing the air about it. Whenever she had brought the idea up with Charlie, he’d only shaken his head. 

They don’t think that it’s your fault he had said the first time – and every other time the topic had come up. 

Commotion drags Pia out of her thoughts. They’ve gathered at a practice space that will give everyone a bit of space to sniff each other out. 

“They’re here.” Morgan announces, quickly slinking away from the window again so that whoever is approaching won’t see her, “Why are they all so tall?” 

Pia just about manages to conceal her chuckle. 

There’s a crush in the making there, she thinks. 

Knowing Morgan, they’ll have to tie her down by the second week. 

They’ve done this often enough for her to only feel nervous about meeting someone new. There’ve been a few conversations over the last few months, but at the end of the day, they’re still strangers. 

A few minutes later, a group of boys – varying shades of tall and tattooed – make their way into the room they’ve all been hanging out it. 

Pia eyes them as they file into the room. 

The one she recognises to be Noah – their singer – lingers at the back, almost hiding behind another one. 

Alex thankfully takes over introductions, allowing Pia to sit back and watch for a moment longer. 

They make a good first impression. Jolly, the guitarist, seems to be fairly comfortable being the voice of the band and really Pia gets it. People always expect the singer to be front and centre, but if she’d never had to give another interview again, she’d be just as happy. 

They’re an hour into getting to know each other when Pia feels eyes lingering on her. She follows the line-up of boys until she finds Noah. When he notices that he’s been caught, he quickly averts his glance, suddenly so interested in a loose piece of string on his jeans. But Pia doesn’t miss the bright pink that colours his cheeks, no matter how hard he tries to hide his face. 

It’s a little endearing. 

The next time she gets to talk to any of them is the morning of the show. It’s an all hand on deck kind of morning. The only person she doesn’t see until midday is Noah. And it really does colour him in an off light. No one from their camp seems to be worried that Noah is painfully absent, which makes Pia think that this is not the first time he hasn’t shown his face during set up. 

“Bit odd that he just doesn’t show his face until lunch.” Pia notes, when he finally slips into the dressing room, they’re all forced to share. 

Morgan shakes her head, “Without saying anything too. If he’s poorly, he could have just said something.”

Pia shoves another forkful of pasta into her mouth, “It’s not a good look.” 

Across the room, the band's drummer – Folio – lets out a loud barking laugh. 

None of them seem to be particularly rustled by the fact that their singer had been so glaringly absent. In fact, she thinks that the band's bassist still regards him with a degree of worry that she doesn’t quite understand. 

Going up to one of them to ask hey why was your singer all morning? feels misplaced too. And somehow that makes Pia feel even worse about just assuming that he couldn’t be bothered to help. At the end of the day, she doesn’t know why he wasn’t there, and she thinks that at least a small part of her is trying to look for things to dislike. 

Either way, someone could have said something. 

The next thing she hears of Noah makes her want to scratch out her own eyes. Pia has gathered that he’s the stoic silent type. The shy smile he’d thrown her way on the first day seemed to have been a once in a lifetime mistake, rather than a common occurrence for him. The boy has a near terminal case of resting bitch face, barely manages to exchange more than a handful of words with any of the other people on this tour, and when he does he sounds so absolutely full of himself. 

None of it makes sense to her. 

Pia gets that at least a part of it has to be compensation. They’re the least experienced band on this bill, and they’re overseas for the first time. He’s probably trying to cover up the fact that he’s nervous. She’s been in his shoes herself. 

His calculation comes with a fatal flaw, though. 

Instead of garnering sympathy for himself, his act slowly chips away at Pia’s patience and, at least in parts, she’s starting to regret the decision to bring a band they don’t really know on this tour in particular. 

Her nerves are raw enough as it is, she doesn’t want – or need – to deal with the tough boy act of a newly signed frontman. 

Sleep is always rare on these tours. They’re finally in a bus, which makes things a little more comfortable if there wouldn’t be the small detail that Pia has been barely sleeping as it is. It’s getting better, but she still doesn’t feel as if she’s ever truly rested. 

The exhaustion of running around on a stage for ninety minutes does help. It’s better than running circles into the living room carpet while she attempts to listen to another audiobook that she’ll quit not even three chapters in. The shameful pile that she’s starting to build up feels more and more daunting every time she opens that damned app. 

They’re in Bristol when Pia decides that she’s had enough of whatever kind of trip Noah is on. At the very least, she has to find out why he keeps missing out post show dinners, shared breakfasts and most importantly set up. 

She just catches Nick – the bassist – as he’s slipping out of the back of the venue. Out of the four of them, he seems the most approachable to her. Jolly seems decidedly too been-there-done-that for her, and the other Nick is busy throwing heart eyes at Morgan. 

She doesn’t even add Noah into this calculation.

After another failed attempt at a conversation with him that had ended with her frowning and him looking as if he’d rather be doing anything else in the world, Pia had given up on trying. 

“Nick.” she calls after him, almost tripping over her own feet as she tries to catch up with him. 

Nick not only has the vibe of someone who spends most of his free time in a tattoo shop, as she has learned that this is exactly what he does. Most of their conversations so far had consisted of him showing her pictures of his cats, which Pia had countered with pictures of her mum's Bernese mountain dog. She’d learned that Nick is, while entirely inoffensive, not the bland kind of inoffensive. He’s somehow the second most level-headed person she’s ever met. Third if she includes Marcus. 

Pia thinks that Marcus would have liked Nick. 

Marcus had repeatedly tried to get her to agree to a cat of their own. Pia’s argument against it had been their touring schedules. And now she wishes that she’d just said yes the last time he had asked. 

Nick stops when her words reach him. He turns, looking pleasantly surprised.

“One of your guys said you’re going for coffee?” she offers. 

He gives a nod in reply before he takes a drag from his cigarette, “You wanna join?” “If I have to have another cup of whatever piss they’re serving in his venue I might cry.” 

He laughs at that, “Believe it or not, we’ve had worse.” 

He tells her about a venue they’d played back home that served what he describes as brown water as coffee. Whatever they had here wasn’t too far away from that. 

“So how did you all meet?” she asks while they’re in line at the coffee shop. 

He thinks for a moment. 

“I’ve known Noah for ages. Jolly’s a friend of a friend and we found Nick online. Or rather he found us.” 

Still nothing that explains why Noah is the way he is. 

“You just know a guy who knows a guy from Sweden?” Pia asks. 

“Basically. Yeah.” Nick nods, “We needed a new guitarist and Jolly’s old band was about to end things. Just kinda worked out like that.” 

They talk about everyone else for a while longer before the topic finally reaches Noah. 

“Noah put this whole thing together, you know? He’s the brains behind this whole operation. We all contribute of course but Noah’s doing most of the writing.” Nick talks about him almost reverently. 

She gathers that they’ve been friends for much longer than she’d anticipated and from how carefully Nick seems to navigate around anything that seems too personal she assumes that he won’t take well to her digging for more details. 

She does have to ask about the absences, though. She reasons that if anything is going on they should know. As much as she currently hates his guts she’d hate for him to have some kind of health condition that they didn’t know about. 

“So some people have noticed that he keeps disappearing.” She starts. 

Framing it as some people instead of Morgan and I have been speculating about what he gets up to feels a little less — forward. 

“Is that normal?”

Nick gives a chortled laugh in response, and Pia thinks that he almost choked on his coffee. 

“I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you this to be honest. It’s a multipart problem, actually. He gets these really bad headaches sometimes. It’s been worse since we got here. I don’t think that the jet lag and the time difference help.”

Pia knows that this isn’t everything. And Nick doesn’t seem to want to hide that he isn’t telling her everything. 

It does explain some things, and Pia does sympathise with him. She knows how big this is for them and feeling poorly on a tour like this is awful. She watched Morgan barrel her way through their first big tour before she’d started to get any kind of help with her endometriosis. They’d had so many late night talks trying to decide if they could ethically ask her to continue like this, but Morgan had insisted. 

“I’m sorry that he has to deal with that.” She says finally, “If we can do something, just say the word.”

Nick mouths a quiet thank you. 

The headaches don’t explain the arrogance Noah puts on display. It’s frustrating, and Pia really doesn’t understand where this attitude is coming from. Sure they’re a good band, Noah’s a great frontman, but he’s not exactly in the position to act like this. 

It all comes to a head just three days later. 

Pia watched from the balcony of the venue as Bad Omens set up their gear. She had intended to work on a few designs – new merchandise that they’re planning to drop later in the year. Her attention is quickly drawn to the goings-on on stage. 

She watches as Alex joins them, asking if they’ve got a hand to lend. 

Noah is nearest to him, but barely manages to look up from his phone. She’s within earshot and the fact that he doesn’t even say a single word or give any kind of indication that he has even heard Alex fills her with a deep settled fury. 

And when he turns away mid-sentence, Pia decides that she’s had enough of this. She makes her way down to the main part of the venue and just as she rounds the corner Noah comes towards her. 

“Got a moment?” she asks without a lot of fanfare, hoping that her anger is somewhat masqueraded. 

He nods, “Sure.” 

And even then he sounds as if he’d rather not listen to whatever she has to say. He still follows her towards one of the two dressing rooms they have available at this venue. 

She paces towards the far end of the room, trying to gather herself a little. When she turns around, Noah is leaning against the door. 

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing but this act –” Pia gestures towards him, “is not doing you any favours. I know what it’s like to be the new band on a bill. All of us do. But you need to cut back on the attitude. If someone asks if you have five minutes to help with bringing boxes inside, the least you could do is pretend to listen.” 

His face twists into a frown, but he remains silent. 

“And this is not the first time people have noticed this. If you want to act as if you’re better than all of us, by all means do it, but it’s not going to help you make friends.”

“Who says that I want friends?” 

Pia thinks that he sounds more like a bratty teenager than the Alex Turner-esque cool guy he’s trying to be. 

“You need friends – contacts – people don’t fucking hate you in this industry.” 

He has the audacity to scoff.

“I really don’t know what your play here is.” Pia shakes her head, “Do you think that this is going to help any of you in the long run? Burning bridges on your first international tour is not going to make anyone want to take you on again.” 

“Then we’ll just go on our own.” 

“You know that you cannot make it on your own in this industry right? Egotism and this fucking awful attitude will not sell your records.” 

Pia realises that this is going exactly nowhere. She gets ready to push her way out of the room, but Noah makes no indication that he’s willing to move away from the door. 

“Why do you think that I need to hear you tell me how to go about our career? We’ve gotten this far without help.” The almost cocky sound of his voice makes her want to jab her fist into his stomach. 

“Why are you here then? If you need no one, why did you agree to this?” 

Noah doesn’t have a quipped reply for this question. She can practically see the cogs in his head turning. 

“You don’t need to put on this weird ass tough guy act. Whatever you think it’s achieving it’s not doing that. It makes you look like a dickhead and if that’s who you want to be, that’s great. But the guy who replied to my initial text didn’t seem like a dickhead.” 

Noah fixes her with an odd glare. She thinks that he wants to say something, but he remains silent. 

“I get it – wanting to make it on your own. But that’s just not how this works. I would know. I tried.”

Pia doesn’t know why she’s trying to convince him of something he very clearly does not want to understand. She has no horses in this race. It shouldn’t matter to her if they “make” it or not. And yet here she is. Watching someone who very clearly has the ambition and talent for this flush it down the drain with an awful attitude just feels wrong. 

Pia can’t decipher the emotion that flickers across his face. 

“This has to work out.” He says quietly. 

It’s a moment of vulnerability Pia hadn’t expected out of this confrontation. 

“I know. But you need to get your act together. And you need to do it quickly. Alex is already on my ass about me putting a word in for you. I’d hate to be wrong about this.”

They’re silent for a long moment and Pia feels as if there’s something Noah wants to say. But he doesn’t. He remains silent – albeit not stoically. No, this is someone who was caught, someone who she thinks looks at least a little ashamed of how he’d acted. 

“Can you move away from the door? I need to pee.” Pia says after a long moment. 

It’s only half the truth. 

The reality is that she needs to get out of this room as soon as possible. She doesn’t need him to see her fight her tears or the panic that is threatening to bubble over in her chest. 

Noah steps out of the way, but doesn’t look at her. 

“Don’t think you’re off the hook.” she says as she opens the door, “If this has to work out, fucking act like it.” 

Pia slips out of the dressing up and, as quickly as her feet will carry her, makes her way into the nearest restroom. As soon as the door clicks shut behind her, her breathing is out of control. She has to clasp her hands together to stop them from shaking, but even that doesn’t seem to help much. 

She doesn't do this. 

She doesn’t do confrontational like that. 

And now she pays the price. 

The adrenaline has worn off and all she is left with is panicked breathing. The tightness in her chest is like an old friend these days, but something about this feels worse. This isn’t like the panic that grips her when she remembers that day. 

It takes her a moment to feel like she’s a person again. 

And once the panic has subsided, Pia lets herself out of the restroom again. When she makes it back into the other dressing room that has been designated as a communal space she finds Alex and Noah wrought up in a conversation. She doesn’t involve herself in it, but she makes a note of the fact that Noah seems to be capable of accepting advice, after all. 

“So I was thinking – we’ve done Crownless with Kadeem this whole run. What if we do it with Noah?” Alex suggests, and Pia almost chokes on her water, “Just as a change of pace.” 

It’s been a day since they’d had their conversation in the dressing room. This is the London show, their hometown show. A part of her had hoped that they’d be able to get Sam to come, but he’d sent her a very apologetic text to say that he wouldn’t be able to make it. 

Bringing Noah out at this show in particular feels bigger than it probably is. 

“Sure.” she says flatly, “Why not.” 

Alex looks as if he’s won a bet, and she doesn’t like it one bit. 

It wouldn’t be the first time that they’d tried to play her like this. She eyes Alex for a moment longer before she shakes herself out of her stupor. 

“Does he know about this?” she asks then. 

“Oh, he brought it up when we talked about it. Said that it’s his favourite.” 

And suddenly it all makes sense. 

This has to be Noah’s attempt at showing her that he’s willing to put in the work. 

“Great. I’ll go find him.” she sighs. 

She finds all of the band at the back of the venue, sitting neatly lined up on the low wall near where the bus and vans are parked. There’s something oddly sweet about Nick and Noah sharing a cigarette as they talk. 

Pia stays at the door, waiting for him to notice her. When he does, Noah passes the cigarette back to Nick and hops off the wall. 

It only takes him a few long strides to reach her. 

“Hi.” he says, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Got a moment?”

“You wanna tell me how I’m a massive fuck-up again?” there’s a hint of a smirk on his face, and Pia feels her insides heat.

“You already know that.” His smile widens a little, “Alex said something about you liking Crownless?” 

“Like?” He looks almost appalled, “That’s one of the best songs I’ve ever heard.” 

Pia’s sure that he’s one wrong move away from breaking into a speech about it. 

“Do you know the words to Sam’s part?” 

She watches as the pieces of the puzzle assemble in his brain. It’s a little endearing to see his face light up when it finally clicks. 

“Of course.”

“Good.” for a second she thinks that it’d be hilarious if she’d just leave it at that and leave him standing here like this, “You wanna do it with us?” 

“I’d love to. Thank you.” Noah looks genuinely thankful, “Really.” 

“Alright London.” she paces along the length of the stage, “You know that we usually bring out a friend for this one. Now, bad news first. Sam’s busy.” a round of ohs goes through the audience, “Good news, we found someone else to do it.”

The noise of Liam’s kick drum is almost drowned out by the cheers of the crowd. 

They start into the song and Pia goes through her usual moves. 

She looks over to the side of the stage, where she can just make out Noah. Something about the way he looks at her is different. 

He watches her every move, focused entirely on her. It sends a shiver down her spine and Pia almost misses her cue to continue the song. When the part he’s supposed to do comes up, she holds her hand out signalling to the crowd — and Noah that it’s time. 

He practically bounds onto the stage. 

She has watched a few of their sets but seeing him this up close feels different. 

He brings a massive amount of energy to the stage, his presence demands the audience's attention. Some of the girls in the audience seem to be particularly drawn to him and in a way she gets it. 

She’s never denied that he’s attractive. Tall and tattooed just so happens to be something she enjoys. 

Before she knows it they’re heading towards the high point of the song. She knows that Noah has the capabilities to pull it off, but actually hearing him pull the low growls out of his admittedly slight frame still surprises her a little. 

He does better than Pia had expected — not that she’d expected him to mess it up. 

“Make some noise for Noah from Bad Omens!” She calls as the last notes of the song ring out through the venue. 

She watches him take in the deserved applause the audience showers him with. Pia thinks that he looks a little too surprised by the reception for someone who’d just a few days acted as if he is already headlining the biggest venues of the country. Noah gives a slight bow and then turns to her. Without even thinking about it she pulls him into a quick hug. And just for a moment his hand rests at the small of her back but it’s enough to send a shock of electricity through her body. Noah pulls away not even a second after that. 

He felt it too, she thinks. 

Static surely. 

He stays at the side of the stage watching the rest of their set and Pia is acutely aware of his eyes on her body. He burrows into the marrow of her bones, settles in the cracks of her that have ached for this kind of attention. And at the same time she feels nauseous knowing that someone who is not Marcus looks at her like this. It’s different when she doesn’t know that it’s happening, when it’s someone from the audience. But this — knowing that Noah is watching her so intently makes her skin crawl in the most confusing way. 

They’re barely on speaking terms. There’s still a little bit of that tension bubbling underneath the surface. She still thinks that he’s sabotaging himself and it’s frustrating. And still — she likes how he looks at her. 

The audience is still roaring when they finally leave the stage. Her blood buzzes with the thrill of it. This is the good kind of adrenaline rush, the one that makes her feel alive again. She’s missed this more than anything. 

Alex knows the guy who owns the venue, and they’re allowed to host a little get-together with friends after the show. Pia doesn’t plan to get drunk, but she also can’t say no to the drink Morgan shoves into her hand. She’s surprised to see Noah, eyes heavy with something. 

He finds her looking at him, and she swears that he blushes a little. Maybe it’s the heat inside this room too. She keeps catching him staring at her and after a while the heat around her becomes too much to bear.

Pia pushes out of the main room into the backstage area of the venue. She has to escape the mass of bodies and eyes for just a moment. 

She finds her way into one of the dressing rooms. It’s quiet here, a little cooler too. 

Her heart races at a thousand miles a minute, but this time it’s not the anxiety. It’s been ages since she’s allowed herself to feel this — attraction, lust. Since Marcus, she’d retreated into a shell warding off every kind of advance. 

Pia still doesn’t want the commitment. She can’t tie herself to someone else yet. But she still feels Noah’s hand on her back, his eyes drifting across her body. 

She wants to know if his skin is as soft as it looks, what kind of noise he’ll make if she pushes his buttons. 

Starting anything with him now would be incredibly unprofessional. 

The door opens before she can make up her mind about it. 

“Everything okay?” He asks and Pia almost wants to say that nothing is okay. 

She nods, “Yea sure just needed to — get out of there for a moment.” 

Pia feels his eyes burning into her back. 

She doesn’t know if she’ll be able to control herself if she looks at him now. 

“Do I need to give you a speech about how not looking at people when you talk to them is rude too?” Noah says, and she knows that this damned cocky look is on his face again. 

The need and annoyance fight for dominance in her chest. He still makes her want to claw at her eyes, that hasn’t changed. The buzz under her skin, that’s new. 

He’s so awfully full of himself sometimes. He talks so much about wanting to make it when they’ve barely gotten started. 

She listens as he steps closer to her. 

“You know for someone who talks so much about how we need to make friends, you’re being really unfriendly right now.” 

Pia fights the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Do you always talk this much shit?” she asks, finally turning to face him. 

“Maybe you bring that quality in me out.” 

It’s obvious that he’s had a few drinks – maybe something else too. She’s not much better off either. Her own thoughts swim and waver and her self-control is teetering right at the very edge. 

“I think it’s a natural talent.” she quips back. 

They’re so awfully close – too close. 

She can smell the alcohol, the cigarette, the weed.

He hums, “Nah I think that’s all you. Normally I’m much more chill.” “I don’t buy it.” she shakes her head, “You look like you’re fucking annoying most days.” 

“That so? Why were you so worried about how we go about our band then?” 

Something inside her snaps then. Pia yanks him down by the collar of his shirt. 

Noah lets out a surprised little sound when their lips meet. 

Her hands skitter across her body, trying to find purchase. They settle at her waist, fingers digging into her flesh almost desperately. 

There’s a hunger in the way he kisses her. It’s the same kind of starved need that has made its home in Pia's chest. 

Feeling someone else's hands on her body again is a little odd – but she needs this. She needs to feel wanted. 

She shoves her hands under his shirt. His skin is so warm beneath her fingers. He feels softer than she’d anticipated. 

Noah sighs against her lips. 

It’s a brief moment of tenderness before Pia catches herself again. Tender isn’t what she’s after. 

She scrapes her nails against his back. 

He winches, pulling away from her. 

“Are you going to stay in a shit mood even when we fuck?” Noah asks bluntly, and she almost wants to punch his lights out. 

The assumption is one thing, but it’s the way he says it. 

“Shut up, Noah.” she says instead of aiming for his jaw. 

For a moment, she thinks that he’s about to walk out on her, but then she feels his hands flex against her waist. 

He lets out a quiet curse before he leans in to kiss her again. Pia allows herself to melt a little in his hold, lets him pull her in closer. 

They barely make it to the sofa. Pia finds herself straddling him, arms draped over his shoulders. She grinds down against him, and Noah lets out what she can only describe as a whine. 

It’s a little amusing. 

He rights himself quickly enough, though. She knows that this was a slip up. A sound like that isn’t meant for a moment like this. 

She fumbles with his belt, yanking at it a little rougher than she’d planned. Noah lets her undo it without intervening. 

Getting out of their clothes proves to be a bit of a struggle with neither of them being very willing to move, but somehow they manage to free up just the necessary parts. 

Noah’s fingers trace through her folds. 

Pia lets her head drop back when his fingers dip into her. The long digits curl against her, thumb pressing against her clit. She lets out a sigh of her own. If she were looking for something soft and intimate, she’d let him continue like this. But that isn’t what they’re here for. 

She tangles her hand into his hair, tugging at it rather harshly. 

“Fuck.” he groans, “Ready?”

“Yes.” her reply sounds less steady than she’d hoped, but what is she supposed to do with his fingers still moving inside of her, “Condom?” 

“Shit. Yes.” he tries to reach for the backpack that sits at the side of the sofa, but can’t quite seem to reach it. 

Pia clambers off him. In the corner of her vision she sees him pulling off his underwear. She’d get it if he’s cocky about that. 

“Where?” she asks, crouching down in front of the bag.

“Front zip.” 

Noah sounds a little breathless and when she gives a brief look over her shoulder she understands why. His hand is wrapped around his cock, slowly and carefully teasing himself. 

She digs through the zipped compartment, trying to find the foil wrappers. She passes snack bars, receipts, folded up notes before she finally finds what she’s looking for. Pia sets herself upright again. 

When she turns back to Noah, he’s reclined against the back of the sofa. He watches her with hooded eyes. His hand has stilled, but it’s still wrapped around his length. 

Pia rips open the wrapper as she makes her way back towards him. She places herself back on his lap and one of his hands immediately finds its way towards her waist. 

Noah lets her take him into her hand. His eyes flicker between where she carefully puts the condom on him and her face. Once it’s on, Pia sits up. 

His hand remains on her waist when she shuffles forward. 

Pia feels her breath catch in her throat when she sinks down on him. It’s been too long and her own fingers just don’t compare to this. He fills her so perfectly, it’s almost too much. Her movements falter for a moment. 

His hands shift on the body, one remains on her waist while the other finds its home on her backside. 

She chances a look at him. 

Noah’s face and neck are flushed pink. It’s barely visible beneath the tattoos of his neck, but it crawls lower beneath the neckline of his shirt. He draws in a deep breath, and she thinks that he feels just as shaken by this as she does. 

Everything about him feels different from Marcus and maybe that makes it easier to push the vision of their last time together from her memory. 

She lifts herself up again, until just the tip of him remains inside of her. 

When she sinks down this time it doesn’t feel as groundbreaking anymore.

With his hands steadying her Pia manages to find a comfortable rhythm. But it all feels too tender, too intimate, too close. 

Noah seems to sense that they need a change of pace too. His hands dig into her flesh with more determination. 

“Don’t get soft on me now, Desmond.” He chokes out through gritted teeth, “Had so much bite a moment ago.”

She feels his dull nails digging into her skin. 

“You want bite, huh?” She shoots back. 

If he wants bite, that's what he’ll get. 

Pia brings her hand back to the back of his head. Her fingers tangle into his hair once more, gearing up to tug at it. His reaction from the first time she did it still reverberates around her mind, and she needs to hear it again. 

Noah lets her yank his head back, allowing her to scrape her teeth across the skin of his neck. This time he rewards her with a groan. 

Pia lets herself get lost in the feeling. 

Between his hands on her body and the drag of his cock inside of her, she can’t quite decide what she is supposed to focus on. It’s just the right amount of too much. There’s no rational thought left in her head. Everything that tries to tell that this is foolish, that they shouldn’t be doing this has been drowned out by nothing but pleasure. 

A moment later, she finds herself on her back with Noah leaning above her. She brings a leg around his waist. He’s surprisingly rough with her. Pia doesn’t have time to question where this is coming from, but that won’t stop her from enjoying it. 

She drags her nails along Noah’s back, pulling another moan from him. 

He grips into her thigh, keeping her leg angled up. 

All thoughts about wanting to come across a certain way fall from her brain when he readjusts his position. She lets her head fall back, allowing the pleasure to take over all of her. That thrum of static soon makes itself known. It crawls up the length of her body, twists around her spine.

She can see his determination wavering. It’s starting to get to him too. 

Pia doesn’t know how much more of this she’ll be able to take. She can feel herself getting closer and closer to the tipping point. The sounds Noah makes only push her further. He sounds so worn out, so lost in his own pleasure. 

She pushes the loose hair away from his face, just to get a better look at him. Noah briefly leans into her touch, but quickly catches himself before the tenderness of the moment really settles. 

His eyes meet hers. 

The lids of his eyes are heavy, and he barely manages to hold her gaze. 

He folds forward then, leaning in to kiss her. 

“You feel so fucking good.” the breathless words barely reach her mind. 

It’s the first thing he’s said to her since she settled back in his lap, and actually hearing how affected he is by all of this makes her insides bubble up a little. 

The particularly rough thrust he gives after that makes her gasp out loud. 

“Getting close?” his breath brushes against the skin of her cheek as he speaks, “Fuck. I don’t know – I don’t know how long I’m gonna last.” 

Pia pushes a hand between them. She gasps when she makes contact with herself. It doesn’t take her much, just a few swipes of her fingers across her clit. Her climax pulls Noah across the edge too. 

He follows her down the ledge so easily, burying his face in the side of her neck as he tries his best to work both of them through their highs. But his movements have become unsteady and almost erratic, as if it’s all becoming too much for him. 

He stays leaning over her body for a few moments, drawing deep breaths into his lungs. 

Pia lets her eyes fall shut for a moment. She feels Noah remove himself from her. The weight of his body disappears, and Pia feels herself shiver with the sudden chill. She lies still as he rummages around the room. 

When she dares to open her eyes, she finds him pulling on his underwear. He doesn’t seem to notice that she’s watching him, and Pia takes a moment to take the shape of him in. For a moment, while he’d been leaning over her, she could have sworn that there was more of him. 

He crosses the room to where the venue had set up a now mostly raided table with snacks for them. He plucks something from the table and picks up a bottle of water before he comes back to her. 

Noah holds both the bottle and the chocolate bar out to her. 

“Not a lot left. I don’t know if you like those.” he says, likely regarding the chocolate bar. 

It’s not her favourite but the thought counts. 

“Thank you.” she replies quietly. 

Pia sits up against the armrest of the sofa, pulling her legs up against her chest. 

The first sip of water feels like the best and most refreshing she’s ever had. 

They’re quiet for a while.

Noah sits at the opposite end of the sofa, still only half dressed, trying to look as if the moment isn’t as awkward as it is. 

He speaks up, just as Pia takes a bite out of her chocolate bar. 

“So what happens now?” 

The truth is that she doesn’t know how they’ll move on from this either. 

She’s glad that she’s still trying to get through the caramel filling of the chocolate bar and doesn’t have to answer his questions just yet. 

“I mean – do we just pretend that this didn’t happen?” he doesn’t look at her and in a way Pia understands. 

“We don’t have to.” she says finally, “Personally I would prefer it if the others wouldn’t know, but that’s more of an I don’t need my friends to know who I sleep with thing. Morgan’s terrible at keeping secrets.” 

She holds out the other half of the chocolate bar to Noah. He takes it from her with a thin smile. 

“We’re both adults. This is completely fine and normal, and it doesn’t have to be complicated.” she continues, “We have what – two weeks of this tour left? If we feel like doing this again I don’t think that there’s any harm in it. Tour’s rough sometimes. A little comfort can’t hurt.” 

Noah nods, now silenced by the caramel as she was a moment ago. 

“Obviously I’m just speaking for myself here, but I’m not exactly looking for complicated right now. I get it if that’s what you were hoping this would become. I just want you to know where I stand.” 

He shakes his head quickly, “No – no I’ll be honest I didn’t think much farther than this. I don’t know where this band is going to go and getting into a relationship when I don’t know if I’ll have the time to do that justice feels shit.” 

“So we’re on the same page. If we happen to be in the same place, and we’re up for it, a repeat of this –” she gestures vaguely between them, “Is an option. No hard feelings if someone changes their mind and no obligations.” 

“Sounds good.” Noah agrees, “I think I’m gonna head back out before someone starts asking questions.” 

No obligations also means no pleasantries. 

Pia has set up the rule, and so she swallows the lump in her throat. 

It happens again at the next venue – the one after that. 

There’s no rhythm to how it starts, nothing that triggers it. They’d agreed on no obligations, but Pia still feels a little odd when he doesn’t pull her aside for a day or two. She’d noticed that Noah had thawed a little since their first encounter; he seems less rigid when he talks to the others, more willing to take part in the community aspect of it all. 

And when his behaviour reverts back to the quiet and cold she’d grown to dislike she notices immediately. 

Through a conversation with Jolly she’d learned that Noah retreats to the van they’ve rented for this tour when his headaches get too bad. And when she doesn’t see him for most of the day, Pia goes to investigate. 

The windows of the van are covered in tarps and blankets to darken the interior – they’d done the same back when they still toured in a van. 

No obligations doesn’t mean that she doesn’t worry or care, and so she takes a trip to the pharmacy she saw as they arrived here. She’s sure that he has whatever he needs, but a few necessities can’t hurt. 

Armed with pain medication, fresh coffee and a sandwich, Pia goes to fetch the ice pack from the freezer on the bus. 

She feels a little odd knocking on the window of the van. And in the moments it takes Noah to pull open the door she wonders if this was a bad idea after all. 

He looks pleasantly surprised to see her even when he still seems a little groggy. 

“Nick said you weren’t feeling well?” she starts, “I got you some stuff.” 

He looks from her face to her hands and back to her face. 

“I thought we said no obligations.” 

Pia rolls her eyes, “Listen.”

His face breaks into a faint smile then, “Thank you. I ran out of pain meds, so that’s a lifesaver.”

“I got what the guy in the pharmacy suggested, so if they’re shit blame him not me. Also, I don’t know how you drink your coffee, so I got what Nick had. I hope that’s okay.” 

“That's really nice of you, Desmond.” 

“I am determined to keep up my good reputation. Don’t think that makes us friends.” 

His head drops as he lets out a quiet laugh, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good. We’re having dinner at 5:30 by the way.”

“I’ll be there.” 

It’s the last day of the tour. 

The last stop. 

Cardiff. 

They’re staying the night before people will go their own ways again. Alex had insisted that they have a big dinner together, maybe drinks afterwards. And knowing Alex that meant that they’ll only see the insides of their hotel rooms for a few hours to get changed and maybe shower. 

For once, Pia doesn’t feel like drowning herself in liquor. 

Pia stuffs the book she’s been reading into her backpack. If she times things right, she’ll be able to just slip away when they move from the restaurant to the first bar. Maybe she’ll even stay for a little bit. 

It was a good tour, all things considered. 

Finally getting the songs out, hearing other people's reception to them, had eased the pain in her chest a little bit. Naturally, it didn’t heal everything, but she feels a little bit better. 

Going home will still be odd.

Maybe she’ll ask Morgan to stay with her for a day or so. 

The door to the dressing room opens. 

“Oh – sorry.” Noah says quickly, “Didn’t know you were still in here.” 

He’s clad in nothing but a blue and gray striped towel. His hair still drips from the shower he just had, and the droplets of water race down his chest. 

“I was just packing up. I can do something else if you want to –” she gestures towards him. 

“Nothing you haven’t seen before.” he shrugs, “If you don’t mind.” 

She keeps her back turned towards him, keeping herself busy with packing and repacking her backpack, all in an effort to not turn around. 

She already feels a little too attached to him. 

The end of the tour can’t come soon enough in that regard. 

“Are you going out with the rest?” Noah asks. 

“For a bit.” Pia replies, “You?”

“Of course. Gotta make the most of this, no?” 

Pia can’t stop herself from letting out a little chuckle, “Sure. Just don’t let Liam involve you in his drinking games. You cannot out drink him.”

“Noted.” 

They fall silent after that, both busy with their own things. Pia is just about to zip up her bag when she feels the warmth of a body behind her. 

“Am I going to see you before we leave?” He asks a little too softly. 

“Noah.”

“I don’t know when I’m going to see you again and — said it yourself gotta foster my connections and all that.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” He replies, and she knows that he has that little smile on his face, “But maybe you’ll let me have this. Who knows if this’ll happen ever again. Maybe we’ll never cross paths again.”

Pia has discovered that she is incredibly bad at saying no to him. 

And so they do end up back in her hotel room after dinner. Noah has the cheek to call it dessert when he’d made his home between her thighs and for a brief second Pia considers just walking out of the room. But all that is quickly forgotten when she feels his fingers, his tongue on her. He’s careful and diligent, taking his time to explore her like this. 

She knows that he’ll be gone in the morning. 

They’re taking an early flight out. 

He’ll be long gone by the time she wakes up, and so she allows him to indulge in this. Or maybe she’s the one indulging. 

He is right after all there’s no knowing when they’ll meet again. 

Pia is home for two days when his message pops up on her phone. 

⮘ What are you up to in October? Just got news that we’ll be heading your way again. 

She wonders if he already knew when they’d said their goodbyes. He had to have known. 

Either way, she feels a little bit too excited about the message — and the prospect of seeing him again. 

No obligations, she repeats in her head, no responsibilities. 

Just really bad decisions. 

taglist: @th4t-em0-k1d @malice-ov-mercy @fadingangelwisp @baddestomens @chey-h @theanarchymuse95 @sitkowski @deathblacksmoke @concretejunglefm @xmads-omensx @saythatuwill @lacy1986 @somebodyels3 @ladyveronikawrites @ferduttini @circle-with-me @collapsedglasshouses @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @renegadebirch @ami--gami @dominuslunae

[ttkinnie]

Tokyo Revengers characters as animals 💖 (for no reason)

Kazutora: let's start with the most obvious one, our resident tiger. Which is funny considering he gives 0 tiger vibes. Or maybe rescued declawed tiger from an abusive circus. Wait a sec... Hanma and Kisaki have a circus theme going on... why did I never notice this? This starts well. Saddest tiger pic I could find

Baji: A black gray wolf of course. 'nuff said

Chifuyu: A cat. Kitty kitty meow meow. Not crazy enough to be orange, but he's gotta have green eyes and a kind face. This tuxedo:

Koko: Talking about cats, here he is. Most obvious choice I've ever made. Black cat of course, very fancy, will knock shit off the counter and eats only the most expensive wet food

Inupi: second most obvious one because you've gotta pick the race of the dog too. I say he's the only serious golden retriever you've ever seen.

Takemichi: A mouse. He is squeaky and scared, looks like he eats cheese. Very cute. Big eyes.

Hinata: A doe, beautiful and kind but will ram into you if you touch her loved ones

Naoto: a buck because I am unoriginal. he does give off buck vibes tho

Hanma: I know the official art makes him a caracal but I love being contradictory so maned wolf it is. Plus look at its long legs and creepy demeanor, it's him

Kisaki: Listen, I am not the most partial person when it comes to him. He's my little meow meow, I wanna put either cat or bunny ears on him and squish his cheeks. But! Let's be honest, that boy is a snake. The deadliest snake in the world, the saw scaled viper, not the most venomous but highly aggressive. He eats mouse Takemichi for breakfast. Also look at its scales, they remind me of his adult hair.

Mikey: A honey badger, small and cute but will bite your balls off and kill your family for fun.

Draken: A lion, beautiful mane and a symbol of strength. Lives among a tribe of lionesses (lucky him)

Mitsuya: I do not like spiders. At all. But an animal literally producing silk is the only choice for Mitsuya. However I am not masochistic so i won't put a spider image, just the web

Taiju: Great white shark. Very smooth skin. Anyone who tells you they have sandpaper skin is lying.

Hakkai: A seal, same eyes, same innocence, favorite prey of the great white shark

Yuzuha: An orca, beautiful but deadly. Only predator of the great white shark. Also eats seals but let's not comment on that. I support women's wrongs.

Pah-chin: it's too cliché to put warthog here, so i won't. He's a cane toad, one of the stupidest animal on Earth, one of their most common cause of death is eating shit they shouldn't because they stuff their mouth without thinking. They also hump anything, including dead animals from another species, and lay their eggs anywhere, which leads to a high mortality rate among their offspring. Why did I give so many facts? I don't know. Look at it.

Peh-yan: A tarsier. it's the eyes.

Sanzu: Arctic hare, crazy eyes and a gift for divination if you can understand his language

Senju: a cutie baby. Bunny x2, will kick you.

Takeomi: a rat. I am not a hater, rats can be cute, but this guy definitely gives off rat vibes

Wakasa: So very pretty. White leopard of course.

Benkei: A bull. I always thought his tattoos were a bull, but I was wrong I just looked it up. Still a bull.

Shinichiro: This one was though, but I'd say a koala. I'm partial about it, but I feel like he would give his children poop to eat, and their reproductive habits are also not a good look on them.

Emma: Japanese dwarf flying squirrel because I play favorites and that's the cutest little furball ever. it looks like it's wearing eyeliner

Izana: Another small but deadly thing, the Australian box jellyfish, found notably along the coast of Malaysia (I feel so clever right now)

Kakucho: Fiercely loyal dog, he's a Rottweiler. Don't tell me Izana and him don't have some kind of puppy play going on.

Ran: Secretary bird. Canonically hates Kisaki which explains why he stomps snakes to death. Wears killer eyeshadow and looks like they hate your fashion style

Rindou: Did you know a group of male Pacific tree frogs is called a chorus? me neither, which is why Rindou is a Pacific tree frog. Peace of music, yeah

Mucho: Polar bear, cold and aggressive. Plus arctic hare and polar bear, there's a theme

[self-indulgent-devils]

Can you do headcanons for Vassago from Helluva Boss x male! reader who's the anthropomorphic personification/King/Lord of Death himself and the Angel of Death, but he's super sweet and loving and a complete cinnamon roll?

I most certainly can! (This is true with every character I write, but oh I have a soft spot for this boy. He's so cute.)

❤️Vassago x Male!Reader of Death Headcanons❤️

❤️ There were plenty of unique demons in hell. From hellborns to sinners, and Vassago had met plenty of them himself. Then he met this one that was the Angel of Death, an incarnate of death itself. Hearing any divine being of death, it brings a certain image to the mind. One hard and edgy, cold and serious, or even just the type to send a shiver down your spine. Well imagine Vassago's surprise when this very being of personified death was...anything but.

❤️ He had simply run into this king of death as part of his royal duties. He was one of the many divine beings that Vassago would interact with. Vassago hadn't know too much about this sweet gentleman. So when Vassago has heard that he was the Angel of Death, it had certainly surprised him.

❤️ There had been many divine beings over the millenia associated with death. Vassago hadn't met very many. So this being the first one he had met caught him a bit off guard. Especially considering how...precious this Lord of Death was.

❤️ That adorable charm almost instantly captured Vassago's heart. Even if he hadn't realized how deeply he felt for you, his attention had certainly been caught.

❤️ Vassago had many lovers over the years, but this one was unique. Being a Goetia attracted a certain type of lover. Those being either elites themselves or even many that cared more for the status of dating a Goetia than actually caring for dating Vassago. Love like what Ozzie and Stolas had was not exactly too common. So when Vassago met this beautiful man and you turned out to be this absolute ball of sweetness and love, Vassago instantly became hooked.

❤️ He chatted with you that night he had met you and asked for your phone number. It was a bold move in his mind, but he didn't mind it. And besides, he would much rather message you than anyone else.

❤️ Vassago would absolutely fall in love with your title. Not because it made you powerful, he couldn't give a shit if his lover was powerful or powerless. No. He loved it because he could brag his boyfriend was death itself and then when people meet you, they just have this sweet little guy that's an absolute cinnamon roll.

❤️ Vassago loves the sweet types. Loving, sweet, caring, precious. It was easu to know he was loved and to express love. Vassago is a very affectionate man and never one to dance around how he feels or try to act as if he's above mushy gushy feelings. So having a sweet boyfriend like you, he loved it. It made him want to squish your cheeks.

❤️ He would also love to flex the power you have sometimes. He's definitely the type of boyfriend to brag about his boyfriend so...he would love to do that and to so casually explain he's basically dating death. Meanwhile he's just thinking of your cute ass self that he wants to go home and cuddle later.

❤️ Vassago would be pretty quick to confess honestly. Maybe not super fast, as it's always hard to share how you feel, but he's the type to take action when needed.

❤️ Vassago would melt seeing you. He'd want to spoil you. Oh you're death? No. You're his wittle precious boyfie who he's going to kiss and carry around. Spoiled. Spoiled rotten. Especially with kisses and love and hugs and anything affectionate.

❤️ He would make food for you. I can just see it. He'd love to make you lunches and stuff. Even include little notes. He just loves to show you love. How can he resist anyway when you're literally the sweetest thing alive?

❤️ Now if you confessed first, I think Vassago would break. Sweet little thing, powerful embodiment and angel of death, AND you confessed first? Hot damn. He's gonna have to wife you up and quick.

❤️ Vassago is extroverted and expressive so he will basically love to talk about you, spend time with you, have public displays of affection with you, and so on. He'd love to go out for dates too. But he's not against comfy dates at home or more intimate dates where it's just the two of you, spending time together, being in love, aesthetic mood lighting. Vassago is just the romantic type. As long as he's spending time with you, he's happy.

❤️ He would spoil you with gifts. This man will learn your interests and love you and adore you. You're his boyfriend so expect to be given many gifts. He just likes seeing the joy on your face when you receive something you like.

❤️ Yeah, you're a powerful king of death, but he would absolutely use all of his powers to defend you, protect you, whatever else. Doesn't matter if you were even more powerful than him, he's gonna protect you and take care of you. You're too pure for this world, he says as he holds you close like you're this innocent little thing. Not flat out babying you, just being the dramatic ass man that he is.

❤️ He would love to just listen to you talk. About anything. About what you're into. About what you like about him. Talking with you brings a smile to his face. He feels so full and whole when he's with you. He'd definitely love to hold your hand or be physically affectionate with you in some way as you talk.

❤️ Even aside from listening to you, he just likes engaging with you in general. Conversing over things, having silly debates, discussing different media you like, anything. You've captured his heart and your voice is everything.

❤️ If you're feeling unhappy or even insecure, he would be so quick to take care of you and reassure you. If he can help it, you would never have to feel one negative emotion. That's not possible though so he will just support you as best as he can. You're always welcome to come to him when you're scared or sad or just feeling under the weather for no reason at all.

❤️ He's never once been intimidated by your status as an embodiment of death. Even before he knew you were such a precious thing, contradicting your immense power and your intimidating title and status, he never once feared you. You were always just you to him. Never this big bad man to fear.

❤️ He fell in love with every bit of you. The way he looks at you will always show that. And finding out that you weren't just this sweet little man, but a total cinnamon roll, it broke him. In a good way. In a gay way. He has it for you bad. Cause when he sees that face, all he wants is to love you.

❤️ Doesn't matter if you're bigger than him, he will carry you. You're his beautiful mans and so he will carry you. You deserve it. You need it.

❤️ His favorite thing is just to look at your face lovingly. In bed together, stroking your hair or just having his arms around you, admiring you as you do your own thing or even rest. And he will wonder how he got so lucky to meet a man like you.

❤️ If you needed any sort of comfort, especially if you were scared or fearful of something or if some horror stuff got you if that's your cup of tea, he would be there to take care of you. Vassago would make sure you feel protected and safe. No matter how silly the fear was. Everyone has something they're scared of. Doesn't matter if they're so powerful or if they have some stereotypically "scary" role like being the Angel of Death. Everyone experiences fear. Vassago would take care of you in every way that you needed. Even if it's some silly little fear, he wouldn't once judge you. He would just focus on helping you feel safe, comforted, protected, and less scared.

❤️ If Vassago had ever been asked to envision an angel of death, he would think more like an exorcist or something otherwise serious, cold, even terrifying. He would never have imagined you all that time ago. But now he does. You're his beautiful Lord of Death. This mysterious force that comes for all and it's you, this precious man that he has found himself loving dearly. You will forever be his darling death. He wouldn't have it any other way.

[red-riot-unbreakable-heart]

BakuDeku Smut: Hooking Up At A Pro Hero Gala

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Ship: Izuku Midoriya x Katsuki Bakugo

Note: This is explicit so A18+ ONLY!!

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Romance, S*xual Tension, Semi-Public Sex

cw: MDNI!, adult Pro-heros, all characters are A20+, blowjobs, slow burn, semi-public sex, hooking up, hair pulling, mentions of drinking and partying, dirty talk, explicit content, romance

The first time Katsuki sucks Izuku’s dick – it’s at one of those stupid press Hero galas.

Katsuki has just hit 15 on the Hero chart – he’s getting so damn close to the top 10 he can almost taste it. Izuku is only a few spots ahead of him at number 13. Despite the constant competition to snatch a top spot on the chart, the two are close as ever. Having put aside their longstanding childhood rivalry, they now run their own Pro Hero Agency together and are rapidly climbing the ranks of hero society as a team.

As usual, after the new hero rankings are released, the annual press night and celebratory gala follow. At age 24, Katsuki has now been to a handful of these events and knows the drill - dress up in a sharp tux, grace the red carpet step and repeat, schmooze with the hero business and support agency staff, etc. He finds the whole affair boring, but knows how important events like these are to his brand and his image in the media. Begrudgingly he has realized that the public’s opinion contributes a lot to his success as a hero.

Katsuki has arrived early at Izuku’s request. The green haired hero is always doing things by the book, and insists that they represent their Agency in the best way possible. So now here they are, seated next to one another at their Hero Agency’s table. Izuku looks sharp and handsome in his tailored forest green tuxedo. His dark bowtie is slightly askew, reminding Katsuki fondly of the way Izuku could never figure out how to properly put on his UA uniform tie. The explosion hero watches Izuku pour himself a glass of water and wishes he could grab his friend by the tie and pull him in for a deep kiss. He lets his fantasies run wild for a moment – he imagines kissing a bare freckled shoulder and hearing Izuku moan his name. He pictures a warm bed and skin that’s rough and sore to the touch after too many hours spent training together. He’s visualizing a life where two best friends can be…something more. Something absolute. He’s pulled from his fantasies as he hears Izuku’s sweet laugh bubbling up to his left.

He turns to see Izuku talking animatedly to a pretty member of their support staff as he butters a dinner role. The staff member is pretty and wearing a form-fitting gown that is a bit too low cut to be appropriate for a work event. She is flirting gratuitously as she tosses her dark brown hair over her shoulders and all but squishes her generous breasts together to put them on display. Izuku blushes faintly and tries to focus on her face, but his eyes keep wandering down to her lavish chest.

“Mr. Midoriya, you’ll need to show me that new move you’re working on!” She gushes, touching his arm. “I’ve heard so much about it!”

“Anytime! You should come to the training gym at the Agency tomorrow and I’ll walk you through it.” Izuku says smoothly, ignoring the woman’s the sexual subtext. “We just renovated the gymnasium floors with AstroTurf so it’s much easier to move around and train now.”

“I’d love to! I’ll clear my schedule – how’s 2pm work?” She swirls a martini high as she rests her pretty face in the palm of her other hand. She gently bats her eyelashes up at Izuku.

“It’s a date!” Izuku declares, taking a bite of his bread.

A fiery tongue of jealousy licks at Katsuki’s belly as he watches the two of them flirt. He crosses his arms and takes a look around the rest of the room – seeing colleges and classmates alike begin to take seats at their various assigned tables. He should spare his feelings by getting up to chat with his friends Kirishima and Sero, who are standing only a dozen feet away by the bar. As he gets up to leave, he hears the big-chested brunette propose another date be added to Izuku’s calendar:

“Actually, why wait until tomorrow? There’s so much we have to discuss, why don’t we grab a drink after the gala? I know a cute little sake bar a few blocks over. We can cozy up at the bar and discuss all of your favorite moves.” She’s laying it on thick, and Katsuki is pissed to see that it’s working on his friend.

Izuku takes a deep swig from his water glass before answering. “That would be great – I’ve been meaning to get out and see more of the town! I’ve been a bit too in the weeds with work and training lately. It would be nice to take a little break from work and enjoy some company.” He flashes the woman his winning Pro Hero smile and she practically swoons.

“Here – let me get your number so I can text you the address. We can meet up after the final photo opp!” She hastily passes her phone – an iPhone covered in bright green and black charms. Katsuki stands up angrily – he’s seen enough.

“Deku, can I talk to you about something? Agency stuff.” Izuku’s head snapped around at the seriousness of Katsuki’s tone. He frowns at Katsuki’s dark expression.

“Yeah – of course.” Izuku gets up from the table and apologizes to the woman, promising to return to their conversation shortly. He leaves her sitting there holding out her phone, a defeated expression lines her pretty features. The jealous demon in Katsuki’s chest purrs at the sight.

Izuku follows Katsuki past their friends and out of the ballroom. They wander the halls for a moment.

When he’s sure they’re far from prying eyes and ears, Katsuki rounds on Izuku. 

“So what – you’re dating her now?!” Katsuki demands, a little more harshly than he had intended.

“W-well she did ask me for a drink after this, and I said yes.” Izuku stutters out, before his eyes turn defiant. “Why do you care? She’s sweet and you said just yesterday that she designs the best support items you’ve used this year.”

“You idiot, you can’t go dating employees!” Katsuki scowls, crossing his arms defensively.

“Kacchan – she’s an independent contractor. She doesn’t report directly into me, you know that. And we’re not getting married or anything – she just asked me to a drink.” His bright green eyes narrow and he leans forward a bit, assessing Katsuki’s dim expression. “What’s this really about Kacchan?”

“I-I…” Katsuki can’t put his feelings into words. He hadn’t planned ahead this far – his hotheadedness had once again taken the reins of his body and mind, leaving little room for logic. He briefly flounders, seeing how he may have majorly messed up here. After all, Izuku was allowed to date whoever he pleased. Katsuki had no right to meddle in his friends’ love affairs unless Izuku straight up asked his opinion. His palms begin to sweat and he breathes deeply to keep himself from activating his quirk. After a moment, he has mastered his temper and feels himself become more level. His palms begin to dry.

Katsuki looks nervously around and spots an empty dressing room to the side of the stage entrance. He hastily shoves Izuku through the door – whatever’s about to be discussed isabsolutely not for the ears of the press and all of the extras lingering about. He shuts it behind them and clicks the lock, ensuring the rest of their conversation will be blessedly private.

“I don’t want you dating that chick. That’s what this is about.” He scowls, dropping himself into the red makeup chair and swiveling to face his best friend. Izuku remains standing.

“Do you have a good reason? Let me guess – she’s some kind of freak villain in disguise and you’re ‘trying to protect me.’ You already used that excuse once, Kacchan, and I was dumb enough to believe you the first time.” Izuku cocks his head to the left, looking up into Katsuki’s dark eyes searchingly. “I appreciate the concern. But just because we’re childhood friends and we spend practically every waking moment together running this agency, that doesn’t mean you get to dictate who I date.” Izuku’s ember eyes burn fiercely.

Their eyes lock as they stare each other down, challenging. Katsuki makes the mistake of glancing down at Izuku’s lips, breaking their tense eye contact.

“Look, Deku. Izuku.” He corrects himself, falling into an almost two decade-old habit of calling his friend by a demeaning nickname. He only uses the Pro Hero name Deku in battle and at press events now, as a sign of respect. Izuku looks up at him questioningly, awaiting an explanation.

Damn it all – there’s only one way to clear this up. It’s something Katsuki has been putting off for a while. He knew eventually it would come to this – and he’s nearly quaking in his designer combat boots as he rises and takes a step towards his friend. He takes a deep - albeit shaky – breath.

“Izuku…this is why I don’t want you dating any of those girls.” And throwing caution to the wind, Katsuki reaches out to grab Izuku’s face and bring it jerkily to his own. Their lips crash together with bruising force and - for once - Izuku shuts up.

They’ve done this a few times – made out. It’s happened maybe 5 times in all across the past 2 years. 3 of these times took place after long tipsy nights out at the bar with their friends, when the alcohol got them both a little horny and antsy to make bad decisions. 1 time was in Izuku’s office after a particularly fierce battle – office door locked, both had still been high on adrenaline and the searing kisses seemed like the perfect release. And the last time…well, that had been a few weeks ago.

It had taken place at Izuku’s 24th birthday and all of Class 1A had gathered to celebrate. The power in Izuku’s spacious apartment had gone out and, grumbling, Katsuki had followed the green-haired hero down to the basement to reset the circuit breaker. The duo had bickered a bit before finally fixing the breaker using Katsuki’s cell phone flashlight. As the lights came back on, Katsuki had realized with a start how close he was to Izuku’s face. Seemingly without thinking, Izuku had closed his eyes and leaned forward to capture Katsuki’s mouth with his own. It was the beginning of the night so they were both stone sober, so this had been first time they had kissed without being inebriated or high on adrenaline. The short kiss had melted Katsuki’s heart in a way he wouldn’t have expected it to. After a gentle moment, Izuku had broken away and whispered “that’s the only birthday present I really wanted.” Then he had turned on his heel to sprint up the basement stairs and to rejoin the party. Katsuki stood there for a few moments, stunned. His tried deep breathing to master his nerves, but it was no use. His head was up in the clouds and his thoughts were wrapped around a glowing image of Izuku Midoriya and his lips. He touched his mouth slowly and thought “Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. My motherfucking goddamn asshole of a heart.” And ever since, he had been hopelessly, head over heals in fucking love with Izuku Midoriya.

Here’s the thing - they have never discussed That Kiss. Some days it seemed like a dirty little secret between them. On other days, when work was slow and Katsuki was relaxed – it felt like an oath. A promise. Their paths had always been intertwined – so of course it would make sense for them to be together in the romantic sense. Bakugo and Midoriya – their fates interlaced and tied in a bow with a pretty red string.

Katsuki had been agonizing over it all since the event – how did one broach the subject of being in love with their best friend and business partner? Had Izuku really meant it? Was it all secretly a dark and twisted prank to trick Katsuki into looking a fool? Katsuki was 99% certain it wasn’t the latter. But, then again, how could he be sure?

Baguko snaps his thoughts back to the present, where a startled Izuku’s lips are pressed against his own. His body feels with warmth as Izuku makes a soft noise in surprise at the kiss. After a moment, he shuts his eyes and surrendering himself over to Katsuki’s body.

Katsuki pulls his friend closer so that their bodies are flush – he can feel every plane of hard, taught muscle beneath the thin fabric of Izuku’s tuxedo. He wants his hands everywhere – on Izuku’s chest, his thighs, the broad expanse of his back – but instead he just holds onto the Hero’s face like he’s a drowning man, and Izuku’s mouth is the sweet kiss of life.

Their lips move together urgently, needy. Katsuki’s fingers grip Izuku’s jaw with an almost-bruising force, and Izuku winds his arms around Katsuki’s neck with just as much gusto. They slide their mouths together comfortably like that for a while. If Izuku has reservations about this arrangement, he doesn’t speak them. He just lets Katsuki kiss down his jawline and alongside his neck as he sighs appreciatively.

They make out like that for a while, but it’s different from all of their other stolen kisses. This time, it carries meaning. Katsuki doesn’t want Izuku dating other people, he wants him all for himself. Izuku’s head spins with the revelation – never in a million years did he think his friend would actually admit that to him. Of course he had sneaking suspicions about Kacchan’s feelings over the years – Katsuki often let his eyes wander freely across Izuku’s body in their shared Agency locker room – but he had never in his wildest dreams expected Kacchan to verbally admit that his need for Izuku went beyond that of friendship. In fact, Izuku was finally starting to move on, tired of pining for Kacchan. He had been trying to go on more dates and to meet other people to see if he could pull his poor heart away from the gorgeously imposing figure that is Katsuki Bakugo.

Izuku’s mind speed runs through each time they’ve kissed, ending at this exact moment. Yeah, the energy is different here. He’s sure of it. He lets his hands run along the thick muscles of Katsuki’s shoulders and his brain fuzzily whispers “Mine, all mine.”

Quite suddenly, Katsuki drops to his knees and quickly starts undoing his friend’s belt.

“W-what are you doing, Kacchan!?” Izuku sputters in alarm, moving to push Katsuki away. But his brain is all wooly and his awkward limbs feel like jelly. All he manages to grab is the collar of Katsuki’s smart tux coat.

“I’m giving you a damn blowjob, idiot. ‘Gotta show you what you can’t get from anyone else.” Damn Kacchan – always going above and beyond in every challenge he takes on. And with that, Katsuki pulls Izuku’s leather belt free in one swift motion. He casts it to the floor before moving to unbutton the green-haired hero’s pants. As soon as he works the button loose, the tailored slacks slide to the floor, revealing a clean black pair of boxers. Izuku swallows hard and makes a stammering noise – but he doesn’t move cover his erection. Katsuki admires it with relish, and maybe a little hunger. He licks his lips like the big bad wolf, about to blow down some shoddily made houses.

“Huh.” Katsuki smiles roguishly, eyeing Izuku’s boxers appreciatively. “Seems like you want me bad.”

Izuku looks down and his already flushed face becomes even redder. His freckles have almost disappeared beneath the full blooming blush that’s dancing across his face. His boner is clearly outlined against his underwear and throbbing desperately for attention. If he weren’t so turned on, he would die from embarrassment.

“Am I making you hard?” Katsuki whispers menacingly, drawing his fingertip lightly up the outline of Izuku’s cock, which twitches longingly at the contact. Katsuki cackles softly, his hands moving up to caress the hard “V” Izuku’s muscles make along his waistline before dipping beneath the thin black fabric. Katsuki moves his fingertip up to his friend’s bellybutton, before tracing it down the delicate happy train that disappears into his boxers. Izuku shivers at the contact, goose bumps appearing across his pale, toned stomach.

Katsuki looks up into Izuku’s shining face and sees that his friend’s pupils are blown wide with desire. The way his freckles are flushed is so ridiculously sexy, and he’s biting his lip in a way that’s practically sinful.

“Kacchan…” he whispers uncertainly, and Katsuki softens.

“Listen, Izuku.” The use of Midoriya’s given name brings them both back to Earth. “I won’t do this if you don’t want to. Just say the word and we can forget this ever happened and go back to that stupid party in the ballroom.”

Izuku gulps, moving to run his fingers through Katsuki’s hair. The blonde leans into the touch, sighing despite himself.

“When I kissed you on my birthday…you never said anything. I thought you didn’t want me like this.”

“Of course I want you.” Katsuki breathes, getting to his feet. “This whole goddamn time.”

Katsuki stands a few inches taller than Izuku. He brings his hand up to caress the side of Izuku’s soft freckled jaw before closing the distance between them to kiss his best friend firmly on the lips.

“Do you think all those times we’ve kissed over the past few years were just because we were drunk or trying to blow off steam? We keep coming back to each other.”

Izuku’s mouth crinkles into a huge grin. He thinks back to the first time they kissed in an alleyway as they walked home from a bar. The feeling of Katsuki’s breath mingling with his own had caused his heart to leap in a way it never had before. Then their second make out session that had occurred a few hours into Mina’s birthday party. Their hands had touched reaching for the same bottle of booze, leading the pair to hide in Denki’s room under the guise of looking for a lost wallet. Katsuki had kissed him so hard and so fiercely that Izuku had been hot and bothered about it for months.

In the present, the Pro Hero steadies his breath, looking up into his friends’ surprisingly earnest face. “Kacchan, you sound so corny…”

“Oh shut up already, dammit.” Katsuki practically growls, dipping back to capture Izuku’s mouth in a more needy kiss. Their lips melt together in a frantic pattern and Katsuki pulls his friend’s body against his own again. They fit together like puzzle pieces, and can feel each other’s arousals plainly. Izuku groans softly when Katsuki rolls his hips. After a moment, Katsuki realizes that despite the locked door, they are still very much in a public place. Izuku’s trousers are awkwardly pooled around his feet. The blonde pulls away and laughs openly at the absurdness of the situation.

“Listen, nerd.” He says, but his voice is laced with affection. “Why don’t we go back to my place and figure all of this out?” The question is soft with warmth.

Izuku looks at him for a moment, his eyes hazy.

“But Kacchan…” Izuku wraps his arms around Katsuki’s shoulders, sliding fingers up the base of his neck and into Katsuki’s thick hair. The explosion hero gets goose bumps at the touch. He never realized how much he likes his hair being touched.

“We really need to fulfill our Pro Hero duties at this party. Our agency depends on it. And if we both leave together…” Izuku trails off.

“…It might look a little suspicious.” Katsuki finishes for him. Damn, the nerd had a point there.

“Ugh, you know I hate these goddamn parties.” Katsuki says harshly. “Sometimes being a Pro feels so fake. We get paraded in front of cameras and it makes me feel like a piece of meat.”

“I know.” Izuku consoles, continuing to stroke Katsuki’s soft hair. The gentle touch feels so good that Katsuki almost shuts his eyes. He never realized how starved he was for touch. He wants Izuku – all of him – so damn much. Screw this party and the press.

“But this is important. You know how important our image is. And how we look in the press doesn’t just impact us – think about all of our employees at the agency. Their jobs are interwoven with our media presence.” Izuku mutters, forever the voice of reason.

Katsuki knew all of this – and of course he wanted to take care of the people at their agency. He wouldn’t often admit it out loud, but he was fond of all of the people they employed on the day to day. Their team was amazing and did one hell of a job supporting their Pro Heros and sidekicks. He sighs.

“I know.” He plants another kiss on Izuku’s mouth. “So…let’s compromise. Here’s how this is gonna go…” Katsuki licks his lips and reaches down to brace his large hands on Izuku’s narrow hips. “I’m going to give you an orgasm that’s going to blow your fucking mind. Then you’re going to clean yourself up, put your pants back on and go out there cancel your goddamn sake date with that chick.”

“Kacchan – oh!”  He knows Izuku is going to admonish him for wanting to do something so dirty in public, so Katsuki starts to kiss and suck at the sensitive spot on the green haired Pro’s neck to shut him up. Izuku moans softly and it’s like music to the explosion hero’s ears.

“You’re such a goodie two shoes.” Katsuki breathes as he rolls his hips into Izuku’s. The shorter hero’s pelvis automatically bucks in response.

“I know.” Izuku practically whines as Katsuki unbuttons his starched shirt and continues to kiss along his shoulder. Once he’s undone a few buttons, the explosion hero dips his hand between them and begins to palm at Izuku’s hard dick over his boxer shorts.

All Izuku can say is “oh!”

Katsuki stops and pulls away, giving his friend a break. “It’s your call. Say the word and we can stop. I think I can manage to wait until after this goddamn party is over.”

Izuku lets out a shaky sigh and brings up his wrist to check his watch. He starts to lapse into his characteristic mutter - “Okay so it’s still happy hour for networking, so dinner and speeches don’t begin for another half hour. That means that as long as we make ourselves presentable by 8pm we should be good. We can even be a few minutes late because the opening remarks typically run over the allotted time so-”

“- So that’s a yes?” Katsuki cuts him off and rolls his eyes as Izuku snaps back to reality.

Izuku smiles up at him. He’s got that fierce look of Pro Hero determination in his eyes and it makes Katsuki’s stomach drop.

“Yeah, Kacchan. It’s a yes.”

And that’s all the answer Katsuki needs. In a flash, he’s back on his knees and his heart is beating double time. The time constraint is making the whole situation even more goddamn hot and Katsuki takes another deep, steadying breath before he moves forward. He counts to ten, and once his mind is a bit clearer he hooks his thumbs into the elastic of Izuku’s boxers. He slides the material fluidly down his friend’s toned, slim hips. Izuku’s hard cock bounces free and stands at attention. His dick is beautiful – about 6 inches in length and just the right amount of thickness around. With how unkempt the hair on top of his head always seems, Katsuki is surprised to see how well groomed Izuku keeps his pelvic area. He’s neatly primed and looking fresh. Izuku blushes an impossibly deeper red as he towers above his friend. You could fry an egg on the Pro’s face.

Katsuki feels his own pants tighten at the sight of Izuku’s fully erect cock. He shifts and reaches down to adjust himself to a more comfortable position. Izuku takes notice and audaciously says “like what you see?”

“Ugh, shut up!” Katsuki feels a blush creeping across his face, and Izuku grins down at him. He reminds himself that now’s not the time to be embarrassed – not when he’s promised a mind-blowing orgasm to his best friend.

Katsuki licks his lips in anticipation for what he’s about to do. He’s never given someone head before, but he’s seen some porn and fantasized about this enough to know the basics. Katsuki smiles to himself – he always prides himself at being the best. Blowjobs are just another skill waiting to be added to his already long roster.

He reaches out and takes Izuku’s cock in his hand. He marvels at how soft it feels, and experimentally gives the thick member a slow pump. Izuku groans at the motion, his hips flexing involuntarily. Katsuki grins wickedly and continues the gesture, reveling in the gentle throb he elicits from his friend’s dick. After a few moments, he stops to spit cleanly into his palm for some lubricant. The resulting glide the hand job gains is not lost on Izuku. The shorter hero moans at the smooth touch.

Katsuki leans forward and runs his tongue around the cock’s tip a few times. Izuku whimpers at the teasing. For a brief moment, Katsuki wonders if Izuku has ever had his dick sucked before. He fleetingly thinks that he is about to knock whatever past sexual experiences Izuku has had out of the park. He is confident whatever he is about to do to his friend will be far superior to any past illicit affairs.

The explosion hero takes his friend’s dick into his mouth slowly, sucking on the head. Izuku groans and Katsuki takes that as encouragement to keep going, sliding the hard member a few more inches into his hot wet mouth.

“Kacchan…this is just…wow.” Izuku stutters out, as Katsuki uses his hand to pump the base of Izuku’s cock. He slides another inch into his mouth before he hollows out his cheeks and sucks, pulling his mouth quickly off of his friend’s cock before sliding back down. He continues the motions, gaining a steady pace and causing Izuku’s breath to become more and more ragged. Even with all of his training, the Pro hero’s legs are shaking, and his knees start to buckle. Katsuki stops what he’s doing to check in with his partner – “You doing alright up there?”

“Yeah.” Izuku says, his voice shaky. He wipes some sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. “It’s intense.”

Katsuki grins and hauls himself up to kiss Izuku before pushing the shorter man against the wall.

“I’ll make it a little easier on ya.” He gets back to his knees and with no effort swings one of Izuku’s legs over his shoulder. “I’ve got you.”

Izuku sighs and threads his fingers back into Katsuki’s thick blonde hair. The explosion hero groans as Izuku lightly pulls on a few strands.

This reaction seems to push Izuku over the edge – because when Katsuki finds the right angle to wrap his mouth back around his friend’s cock, the green haired hero is already summiting the peak of pleasure. His hips buck lightly towards Katsuki, and working together they are able to find the perfect rhythm to bring Izuku past the point of no return.

“K-k-Kacchan!” Izuku whispers through gritted teeth, his eyes half closed and rolling back as he reaches orgasm. Katsuki keeps going – he’s holding up Izuku’s toned ass with one hand as he continues to suck with a steady pace. With his free hand, he oscillates between pumping the base of Izuku’s dick and fondling his balls.

Izuku tightens his grip on Katsuki’s head and pulls the blonde’s hair hard. Katsuki almost cums in his pants at the sharp tug. He has never realized how much he likes getting his hair pulled. He had also never in his fantasizes thought that Izuku might be one for hair pulling – but damn does it make sense. As Izuku jerks a lock of his hair again, Katsuki involuntarily lets out a moan. The vibrations from his moaning send a shiver across Izuku’s already over-stimulated body. It seems to be just the thing he needs to climax.

“K-Kacchan…ah!...I-I’m gonna…” Izuku groans out, and attempts to pull his dick away from Katsuki so he can cum. Not a chance. Katsuki remains steadfast, licking and sucking like his life depends on it.

He holds onto Izuku’s bucking hips with a vice grip, and when the Hero cums it’s right into Katsuki’s waiting mouth. Katsuki almost splutters and coughs at the foreign feeling of the sticky fluid flowing down his throat, but he masters himself. Years of training and discipline have given him hard-earned control over his body and mind. After a moment of uncertainty, he’s gulping down the hot liquid greedily. He lets Izuku ride out his high as the green-haired Pro Hero shoots ropes of hot cum down his friend’s throat.

“Kacchan. Oh, God!” Is all Izuku can say as he thrusts into Katsuki’s mouth. His cock slowly looses its vigor and becomes too sensitive. He yelps as Katsuki pulls his mouth off the length with a sharp smack of his lips.

Katsuki smiles smugly as he lowers Izuku back to the ground and wipes off his mouth with the back of his hand. His friend’s legs are wobbly, and with difficulty Izuku pulls on his boxers. Clothed again, he sinks down to sit with his back against the locked door. 

“So?” Katsuki smiles as he reaches down to adjust his cock in his tuxedo pants. He’s so painfully hard, but he still takes the time to gloat. “Best you’ve ever had, right?”

“Y-yeah.” Izuku lets out a shaky laugh. “You were right – definitely blew my mind.”

After a moment of catching his breath, the Pro Hero notices his friend’s discomfort. “Kacchan – come over here.”

Katsuki hadn’t realized that he had been keeping his distance from Izuku just to admire him coming down from his high. Awkwardly, he shuffles to sit next to his agency partner. Izuku’s eyes are heavy and his face is covered in a sexy sheen of sweat. He quickly glances at his watch. “We’ve still got 10 minutes, Kacchan – lose the pants.”

Katsuki doesn’t need telling twice. He lets out a tense breath before hastily undoing his own belt and trouser buttons. Within seconds, he’s sitting in his bright underwear, cursing himself for wearing such an obnoxiously vibrant orange under his dress clothes for the event. But really - how could he have anticipated that he was going to get laid tonight!?

Izuku lazily runs his hand along Katsuki’s clothed length, and once again the explosion hero needs to re-focus his mind to avoid cumming then and there. Izuku’s eyes are large and unfocused; he’s still absolutely undone from his orgasm. He takes his sweet time teasing Katsuki – running his finger lightly along the delicate skin under the boxers’ elastic. Katsuki’s cock twitches beneath the thin fabric of the boxers – begging to be touched.

Without warning, Izuku’s hand makes it’s way beneath Katsuki’s boxers and frees his hard, tense member. Katsuki gasps at the sudden contact, almost disbelieving that Izuku intends to make him cum. Izuku takes a moment to admire his friends’ cock. “You know…I never imagined it would be this big.”

“Shut up, nerd.” Katsuki snaps as Izuku starts to jerk him off at a painfully slow pace. He’s glowing at the compliment despite himself. Before long, Izuki is pumping Katsuki’s thick cock in a way that’s making the explosion Hero see stars.

“Dek-Izuku.” Katsuki breathes, encouraging Izuku to go faster. The green haired hero quirks his mouth into a lazy smile as he obliges, he’s clearly still fuzzy from his own orgasm. Katsuki pants as his heart does zigzags in his chest. He leans back and closes his eyes, focusing on the sensation of his best friend jerking him off.

“You know, Kacchan…” Izuku says mischievously. “I never guessed you would be so into-” With his free hand, Midoriya grabs a fist full of Katsuki’s hair and pulls his head back. “-this.”

Katsuki moans deliciously at the sudden contact, all his toughness and bravado have melted away. He wants more – he wants Midoriya to keep pulling his hair and talking dirty to him. He wants to feel every little sensation his friend is willing to give. As Izuku continues to tease and pull and indulge his friend, Katsuki feels his body tensing up with pleasure. He’s about to tip over the edge of overstimulation when…Izuku’s mouth wraps around him. The noise that comes out of Katsuki’s mouth is a mix between a cry of surprise and a growl.

Izuku pushes his lips slowly down Katsuki’s shaft as he continues to move his hand up and down at the base. Inch by inch, Izuku rolls his mouth down until the entirety of Katsuki’s cock is throbbing against his tongue. He stays there for a moment, letting his partner get used to the sensation of being fully sheathed.

The only sound that can be heard in the dimly lit room are Katsuki’s rasping breaths and the gentle hum of conversation that drifts toward them from the filled ballroom.

After a few tense moments, Katsuki’s hips buck lightly and the tip of his cock hits the back of Izuku’s throat. Izuku breathes through his nose, adjusting to the motion with practiced ease. Katsuki’s heart ricochets even more in his chest – has Deku been a secret master at deep throating this whole time!?

He doesn’t have time to dwell on the question – because suddenly Izuku is sucking Katsuki’s soul out of his body via his dick. The green haired man is slurping and licking and making the sloppiest, sexiest sounds Katsuki has ever heard come from a human body.

“Ah…s-slow down…I’m gonna -” Katsuki groans out in a low voice. He’s never felt anything like this in his life, and he needs to remind himself to keep breathing. Izuku re-threads his hand in Katsuki’s hair again and pulls hard. All of the stimulation has the explosion Pro crying out in both pain and pleasure and without warning his body releases all of it’s pent up energy and he cums – hard and fast.

“Izuku!” He grunts loudly, not caring whom from the gala might hear. When Katsuki cums, Izuku slides his mouth all the way to the top of his cock and licks the impossibly aroused tip. Katsuki watches in bliss as his ejaculate pours down Izuku’s tongue and drips down his chin. Izuku uses his hand to pump the hard dick to completion, before bending back down to lick his friend’s cock clean. Katsuki moans softly at the contact – his cock is twitching and impossibly over stimulated. Nevertheless, Izuku’s mouth feels impossibly good as it moves up and down Katsuki’s sticky shaft.

Bakugo drops his head back against the wall again, catching his breath. Through heavy eyelids he watches Izuku reach for his abandoned tuxedo pants and draw a green handkerchief from the pocket. He wipes his sticky mouth smugly, knowing that Katsuki is still watching him like a hawk.

“Have you done that before?” Katsuki says, a note of jealousy lacing his harsh tone.

Izuku smiles at him, revealing nothing.

 “You cheeky bastard.” Katsuki admonishes, but he still puts an arm around Izuku and pulls their bodies together gently. Izuku drops his pants back to the floor and leans in to give his best friend a long, sloppy kiss. They are both sex-drunk and blissed out and impossibly content as they lean against each other – Izuku in his underwear and Katsuki naked from the waist down.

Katsuki thinks to himself that the image must be comical – two top Pro Heros absolutely wrecked and hiding a few doors down from the biggest party of the year, covered in sweat and cum. A laugh bubbles out of him at the thought. Izuku smiles up at him with those big green doe eyes and starts laughing too. Katsuki can’t decide what’s more hilarious – the position they’re in, or the fact that it took them so many years to do this.

After a moment of laughter, Izuku checks his infamous watch.

“We really should get back, Kacchan.” He reaches for his trousers and awkwardly wiggles back into them, his shaking hands struggling to get the buttons done. Katsuki likewise reaches for his undies and stands to pull them back on. He sighs a simple “yeah.”

He stretches out a hand to pull his friend to his feet before reaching down to re-button Izuku’s pants for him. “Thanks.” Izuku laughs as he tries to pat fresh wrinkles out of his suit.

Katsuki’s legs feel like jelly as he struggles to pull his own pants back on. His heart is still doing a fizzy macarena dance in his muscular chest. He does a few jumps in place, trying to shake all of the buzzing energy out of his body. It’s time to get back to work.

He reaches for the lock on the door, and is surprised when Izuku’s hand reaches out to rest on his own. He looks back at his agency partner with questioning eyes. Katsuki narrows his eyebrows as he says, “Weren’t you the one that said we needed to get back for all of the dumb speeches?”

Izuku ignores the question. “So what do we do now?” He says softly, almost fearfully.

Katsuki removes his hand from the door and turns it so that Izuku’s palm is resting in his own. He interlocks their fingers.

“I figured that was obvious. Or are you too stupid to figure it out?” He ejects – maybe a bit too harshly. Izuku blinks. Dammit, this nerd will be the death of him!

Katsuki continues: “You’re going to walk out there and break off your date with that support chick.” Katsuki pulls Izuku to his chest and leans down to kiss his soft lips. “We’re going to sit through this stupid dinner party. And then we’re taking a cab back to my place to finish what we’ve started.” He kisses the other Pro harder this time, letting their lips melt together. He raises a hand to cup Izuku’s cheek in a gesture that is too intimate for a run-of-the-mill hookup. Izuku understands.

“So we’ll talk about this later. We’ll finally figure out what we are to each other?” Izuku says softly as he breaks the kiss.

“I think we already know what we are, you damn nerd. But if you need me to spell it out for you-” He takes yet another steadying breath. “– we’re together. We’re a thing. Just don’t get all weird about it like you do.” But it’s too late, because Izuku has already shifted into his characteristic babble mode.

“Oh my God! Of course we’re together. I mean, I’ve liked you since school! I always thought that you were just annoyed with me until we became close at the end of our first year. And then all those times we kissed and the other times I caught you looking at me in the Agency locker room – and that time you took Ochako on a date for some reason but we all knew you didn’t give a crap about her romantically. I had a feeling you liked me. But this – this is - ” Izuku is muttering nonstop and Katsuki cuts him off with a smooth, hard kiss.

“Izuku. There’ll be time to talk about all this shit later.” He reaches over to tap his partner’s watch. “We’re running late now, dammit. Come on – let’s get out of here.”

And they do. They go on to the gala in the ballroom where they spend the entirety of the night exchanging conspiratorial glances and soft smiles. And when awards are announced and they win Agency of the Year, the pair practically glows as they straighten their ties and walk up to the stage together.

“This award means the world to us.” Izuku chirps brightly into the microphone, accepting a gold trophy from last year’s Agency of the Year recipient. “To be recognized at such a young age by such a prestigious panel of Pros. Sorry if I get a little emotional – this is a dream come true. Thank you to all of our fans and friends for believing in us and helping us to shape our agency into a true force for good. And to my partner, Katsuki Bakugo, thank you for believing in me and for challenging me to be my best everyday and in every situation.” Katsuki blushes as he picks up on the subtext. Izuku pays him no mind as he finishes off his speech. “There’s no one else I’d rather share this moment with.”

It’s Bakugo’s turn now, and he almost rolls his eyes when he sees how watery Izuku is looking – he’s clutching the trophy as if it’s made of solid gold.

Katsuki leans into the microphone and says “I told you all at the UA Sports Festival my first year – I’m going to be the best. And I did it.” He mean mugs for the camera, an echo of his old self – the angry, hostile teen he once was. After a moment, he lets the look melt off of his face. He’s come so far in the past decade – he’s become a better friend, a better man, and hopefully…hopefully he’s become the kind of person who can be a good romantic partner. But for that role – he’ll need to wait and see.

“In all honesty, this means so much. Thank you to my parents, and to all of our friends from UA for supporting us along the way and for picking me up when I stumbled. Thanks to my mentors Best Jeanist and All Might who saw potential in me even when I was just an angry kid who liked to talk a big game. Thank you to all of the staff at our Agency who make coming to work everyday rewarding. And lastly – I want to thank Deku, who has been with me from the very beginning and helped me to grow into the Pro I am today.” He turns and smiles at Izuku, who beams back at him, teary eyed. “Alright, that’s all the sappiness the press is gonna get out of me today. Move along to the next award.” They exit the stage as Present Mic – the perpetual MC in the Pro Hero world – retakes the podium to announce the winner for “Sidekick of the Year.”

Katsuki and Izuku walk back to the table their sponsored Agency table. They return to handshakes and celebratory pats on the back from their staff. Everyone is cheering and grinning – the award celebrates everyone at the agency’s hard work and dedication. Katsuki feels his heart swell with warmth at the way everyone is beaming and celebrating. He shakes hands and claps the backs of the co-workers around him, basking in everyone’s joy. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the pretty Hero Support independent contractor (who had boldly asked Izuku to drinks) bat her eyelashes at the green-haired Pro. She congratulates Izuku in a bubbly tone as she pulls him into a tight hug that squishes her ample chest against his muscular pecks. Katsuki rolls his eyes as they break apart, noting the light blush on his partner’s face. They all retake their seats as the ceremony continues.

“Don’t get too comfy, extra.” He calls across the table to the independent contractor woman. “Deku and I have a Pro Press tour directly after dinner. So don’t even bother flirting with him.”

The woman, taken aback at Katsuki calling her out, blushes a deep red and excuses herself – making a beeline for the ladies room.

“Kacchan!” Izuku admonishes, looking after the woman with concern. Despite the sharp scolding, Katsuki can tell Izuku is quite pleased at the jealousy the situation has brought out in Katsuki. “That wasn’t nice! Apologize to her when she comes back.”

“Fine!” Katsuki sighs, moving his hand discreetly under the table to rest on the smooth fabric of Izuku’s thigh. The One-For-All wielder almost yelps in surprise, but catches himself. Katsuki lowers his voice, so that only the two of them can hear “I just don’t want her getting her hopes up, when we both know whose bed you’re going to be in tonight.” He continues to move his hand further and further up Izuku’s thigh, lightly squeezing along the way.

“You’re a menace to society, Kacchan.” Izuku sputters out, batting Katsuki’s hand away from his leg and interweaving their fingers instead.

“I know.” Katsuki smiles wickedly and squeezes his lover’s hand beneath the table. “And you love it.”

“I do.” Izuku sighs, rolling his eyes. “For some reason, I really do.”

Big surprise – Izuku ditches the sake date with the hero support woman so he can spend the night at Katsuki’s. They keep each other up well into the night. 💚💥

[discotenny]

I saw this yumejo tweet once that just made me go oh.

the idea of you being your f/o's comfort character....

like imagine. you are just a fictional character they happened to find and took comfort in.. you make them imagine a better, cozier life where they feel loved.. ramuda secretly takes little photos with an acryl stand of you at the cafes he tours or sasara keeps your keychain in his pocket for good luck and gives it a kiss before his shows, uhhhh toki always watches your show to power up before beating someone up- LMAO idk but rightttt??

OOOOOOH ANON THIS IS GOOD THIS IS GOOOOOOD

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Honestly, I feel like Ichiro would be the most obvious with his fanatics. He's already been shown in canon to be an unabashed anime / manga fan so can u imagine how he'd act towards you??!?!?!

Ichi has a binder full of prints for your official art that he keeps in the Odd Jobs Yamada office. He looks at it in downtimes, kicking his feet and squealing as he stares. Ichi also scours second hand sites to try and get merch for cheaper than official. He owns pins, stickers, plushies, and SO, SO MANY KEYCHAINS.

He honestly is the one most likely to write/read fan fiction too LMAO. Shipfic, platonic fics, reader insert- it doesn't matter. Don't tell his brothers, they'd be absolutely mortified.

Ramuda secretly runs one of those Twitter accounts that take pictures of their mochis/nuis in different irl settings!!! He MAKES little outfits for a nui of you and is so proud of all of them.

For every little cafe he goes to he always makes sure to take a pic that implies cute little nui of you is the one that just demolished 3 pieces of cake.

In the times where Ramu was still working with Chuuoku, he'd pull your nui out of his pocket and talk to you while he's scheming ;_; He has the image in his mind that you're the only one that would ever accept him as he is.

But my favorite image of this ask has to be DOPPO!! DOPPO!!! DOPPOOO !!! I saw this image once of ties that have anime charas in the inside and I think it's so silly to imagine Doppo has one of those of you AHAHAHA.

Doppo can't have personal items on his desk at work, so aside from his tie he has a little keychain of you tied to his bag :C Whenever he gets in his real shitty moods Doppo holds onto it and just mutters mutters mutters.

Since Doppo is the chara that speaks the most of his personal life / inner thoughts in his raps- imagine that he frequently mentions you in his verses and ship art of you and Doppo starts floating around in the Matenro fandom LOL. He'd be so embarrassed but he'd secretly love it.

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Bonus!!

Dice keeps a mochi of you in his pocket at all times, calling it his personal good luck charm. Whenever he's gambling he squishes it real hard and always has to apologize to it after.

Saburo is the most embarrassed about having a comfort character. The most obvious he is about it is having you as his desktop background but other than that he is too embarrassed to go out and buy merch. Ichiro buys him a lil plush of you for his birthday and he starts to cryyyyy.

Hitoya keeps an acrylic standee of you on his office desk but he faces it towards his clients LMAO. He comes across as so unserious.

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jkaiofeawfewa this was such a good concept omggegwargew

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Legend of Vox Machina: Thordak's Throne (3x09)

Oh shit, I can't believe they did that. And by that I mean... well, I'll talk about it in a bit.

Cons:

I have one small and one kind of medium-large complaint to lodge here before we go into how much I really did adore this episode.

Okay, obviously Travis broke my heart with his line delivery on "can you fix him? Please, you gotta fix him." But I do kind of miss his original improvised version that had more heat to it. The bellowed "FIX HIM" lives in my head rent free and we didn't get that here. Small nitpick, this version also tore out my heart, but thought I'd mention that. The thing about Grog is that he's our big lovable dummy, but the other thing about Grog is that he can be scary sometimes, even to the people he loves most.

Then there's the bigger thing. Pike's big moment was like... well, I'm not like, super angry, really, it's more of a "let's see where they're going with this thing", I guess. I have thoughts. Honestly, the stuff with Pike and the Everlight in this show has always been kind of muddy to me, and a plot progression where Pike finds strength in herself instead of in her goddess is totally fine with me in theory. But I thought in the past seasons the setup was more like... her faith as an anchor to her own strength. Or believing that she is deserving of the Everlight's favor and that thus the power she wields is her own, but the goddess is her supporter as much as Pike is a follower of her goddess? Like, does that make any sense? Pike having a complicated but ultimately loving relationship with her deity is what I was looking for here. That image of her actually throwing aside the Everlight's symbol was kind of... Not It, for me. I wish it had been more like "It's not just the Everlight's magic, and it's not just the Dawnfather's armor. It's me, who I am, being worthy to wield the powers they offer." That's the nuance I would have wanted here.

Maybe they're setting shit up, I don't know. There's clearly something going on with Pike here that I don't fully understand, since it's new material added to the show! But her big triumphant moment of using the armor to deal a devastating blow to Thordak left me a little uncertain, if I'm being honest. Pike does love her goddess, it's part of her strength. I don't want the story to take that away from her. Maybe whatever Zerxus was on about, that whole thing about her being "special," will shed further light on this, and what seemed like a triumphant moment in this episode will ultimately turn back on itself? That's kind of what I'm hoping for, in a way. I want Pike's final resolution as a character to be her reconciled and comfortable with the Everlight's place in her life, even if it's a relationship that has evolved, somewhat.

Pros:

But okay. Enough of that. This episode kicked ass.

Let's get back to the "oh shit, I can't believe they did that." I can't believe they killed Kash!!! Like, okay, there are so many things to talk about in this episode but I have to start with how fucking shocked I was by this. Totally out of left field, did not see it coming, completely crushed my soul. Because that's not just Kash, character who has been in like... two episodes of this show and cracks wise and flirts with Keyleth and how he's dead. That's who the character is to animated series watchers, and I'm sure his death is very sad from that perspective, but... but that's... fan favorite guest PC, played by Will Friedle, that's a character who gets to live happily ever after in the world of Exandria as far as the campaign story is concerned, and they killed him dead! And like... he's dead dead, we all know it, don't we? Yikes, this was so depressing! They did that very effective thing of having him and Zahra being all cutesy and kissing and then engaging in banter and doing cool battle combos together and then... SQUISH.

It was an enormously effective change, I can't even be mad at it. This show is not beholden to the streaming canon, they've told us that a thousand times. And let's be honest, we know what's coming up for certain other beloved characters. It makes a lot of sense to me that some named characters needed to be casualties of these big bad dragons before the end. This was... a fucking heartbreaking choice but I found it enormously impactful in exactly the right way. Zahra's despair was so moving, and I love how she got to give Pike that final angry pep talk to push her into her final moment of figuring out how to use her vestige. I also loved the imagery, of Kash standing up and looking down on his own mangled corpse, looking over at the group, and... seeing Vax, seeing him? Then the Matron imagery behind him as he turns and walks into shadow. Just... masterfully done, a super emotionally devastating death for a character who didn't need a lot of screen time to make a huge impact on my heart. Also, just, it was so MEAN! Ouch!

So much else to say. I don't know how to go in a linear order just talking about all the moments that I loved, so get ready for me to jump around just listing things that totally destroyed me and/or I totally cheered at.

All of the cool NPCs and side characters getting shown in small moments, kicking ass! Allura and Gilmore with their spells, and Kima and Groon as always being cool as shit, and Vex and Vax's dad being just kind of... shell-shocked by the mass destruction but then bickering with Cassandra about how to evacuate the troops. It just makes the world feel so full and like we've been to all of these places and met all of these cool different people.

Grog really got a lot of shining moments in this episode! I loved how when their original plan went to shit, Grog is the one who steps up and comes up with an alt. That was such a clever way to adapt one of my favorite aspects of the campaign, which is that Travis often had interesting strategic ideas at the table, but Grog wasn't allowed to be smart enough to think of them. So Grog would occasionally have these tactical insights, but Travis had to hold back a lot of the time. This was a fun way for Travis to possess Grog's body and come up with a good idea and get the ball rolling!

Seeing Grog and Scanlan teaming up was such a joy, you get this sense that theirs is a friendship full of wacky shenanigans and so much heart and love, that Grog has some of his best fun times with Scanlan Shorthalt and really enjoys his company. I loved Scanlan getting him into the rage mindset to defeat the eggs, and I loved Scanlan acting as bait with Thordak. And then... man, this show knows how to turn your emotional reality on its head. I was waiting for how the Scanlan death stuff would translate here, and despite wishing for the more angry version of "FIX HIM," I still was emotionally crushed by Grog's realization that Scanlan wasn't moving! Noooooo. He's gotta wake up, if only because Grog couldn't live with it otherwise!

We get a Keyleth moment where she turns into her fire elemental self, but it doesn't seem to work, which I thought was a cool moment - it makes sense within the mechanical logic of D&D that a big powerful fire thing wouldn't work that well against a big powerful fire thing, but it was also such a cool subversion of expectations to hear that amazing musical theme and see Vax and Keyleth do such a bad-ass combo and then have it not play out the way you would expect it to!

The final beats of everyone circling up around Thordak, then Pike getting that moment to really take him out and get rid of the soul anchor, was visually very cool even if (see above) I'm a little worried about the implications for Pike's character journey.

And then. Man. I knew I'd cry about Vex and Vax's mother, and this is one of those things I think is really enhanced by having watched the stream, and knowing how much this story became healing for Liam in particular. The visual of Thordak getting away, and Vax holding Vex's hand before launching himself into the air, the way he himself became the final weapon, punching through Thordak's body... so fucking beautiful and intense and cathartic. And then we get the twins holding each other in relief. They can't do anything to bring their mother back, or Percy, but at least they've stopped this dragon from doing any further harm.

Tracking Keyleth's mistrust of Raishan through the season has been so interesting, because here she turns up, seems like she might be about to turn on our heroes, and then she plays her part and attacks Thordak in a vulnerable moment instead, forcing him to fly off to lick his wounds, and setting Vax up for that final kill shot. Then you have Keyleth being the bigger person and going to tell Raishan she knows she was wrong, and thanking her for the allyship. But of course... Keyleth was fucking right, y'all, she was right all along, don't mess with my GIRL lol. Raishan is doing something with runes, and then before Vox Machina can stop her, she's vanished with Thordak's corpse in tow. Dun dun dunnnn.

I'm really curious about how we're fitting in the events I think we still have to hit in the next three episodes. Obviously things are so topsy turvey and out of order here. Percy didn't get to do the Thordak fight in this version! Keyleth doesn't have her vestige! Scanlan is unconscious and out for the count and I have to assume that's dealt with... before the Raishan combat? Or maybe Scanlan sits that one out? I don't fucking know, man, everything is so out of order that I'm on the edge of my seat as much as the just-animated-show viewers!

I'm not going to dock too many points for my big Pike question in this episode. I still want to see where they're going with this in the final three episodes. Other than that aspect, I really really loved this episode. RIP Kash, you really caught a stray by showing up in this episode and getting squished so bad. Gonna miss that guy.

9/10

[hermitcraft-shifter]

I have so many feelings about the Moon Crash. Like, narrative-wise, it hits me so hard, man. Joe told Cleo to leave them, yes, but the sign... It's intriguing to imagine it as a test that Cleo failed.

I mean, Joe's been there from the beginning. It's reasonable to assume that they've seen many people leave and it's reasonable to assume that there could be a insecurity (/rp) there about it. With the context that Hermitcraft is real life, Joe might be scared (at least subconsciously, no matter how irrational) that people are leaving because of them, that— despite no evidence —there're 'not enough' for people to stay... which leads to Joe being reckless and using the Moon Crash to test to see if Cleo would leave them in a clearly dangerous situation.

And they failed, not because Cleo didn't understand it was dangerous, but because Cleo trusts Joe. Cleo trusted Joe, even when they didn't want to, even when Joe really just wanted their support.

In Hermittopia, did Joe even know they could go back if things got dangerous, that Cleo exiled them— yes, because they were being a little dumb and self-destructive (because who hands out resumés to clearly dangerous people and steals a horn license without being a little self-destructive?) but also —for the bit? Like, narrative-wise, Cleo's actions could be interpreted as both a messed up joke and an urge for Joe to take some time to think.

Joe, as a character, is as kind as they are reckless, especially with their own health, and as a character, liberties can be taken with how their actions and behaviour reflect on themself in a 'Minecraft is real life' context. Yes, Hermits helping Hermits is very sweet, but when you literally live in a trash can that you even struggled to find a place for because nobody left room for you after you spent so long helping someone, only for them to thank you and leave everything behind like it was a stepping stone, after your team had been forgotten and left out of closing ceremony without a second thought until it was too late... and that whole permit thing with Doc...

I have a lot of feelings and thoughts, as you can see.

Narratively speaking, Joe gives and gives and gives— They give so much and seem content to fade into the background, be taken for granted (well, that's exaggerating, but when you're always pushing yourself to give so much, it's normal to feel bitter, even when you're the one pushing yourself to do it). It's ok to want attention, of course. Joe thrives on attention, but without proper communication, it can fall flat quickly. Humiliation can help one learn, and as a content creator, Joe knows what they signed up for. As a character? That's free game.

A decade is a long time, after all, and it's certainly enough time for miscommunication to happen. In a game, it's not so bad, but when that game is real life?

Well, that's the fun of storytelling!

[Image ID: A digital drawing of joehillssays and ZombieCleo from Hermitcraft on a white background. joehillssays' face is shown being held up and squished by ZombieCleo, and has a shell shocked expression while tears are being wiped away. ZombieCleo's face is obscured and has a distant expression. 'I trust you. I don't want your trust. I want your support.' is written in the top left corner. /.End ID]

[bellepeppergirl]

An Investigation of the Impaler's Catacombs

So, with the DLC being announced and us getting some info about it and its characters, one thing we learn is, of course, Messmer the Impaler. Some people were quick to point out that there is a location in the base game called Impaler's Catacombs. "Impaler's" is singular, meaning it belonged to AN impaler, not a group of impalers, which would be impalers'.

Interestingly, the Impaler's Catacombs are also located on the Weeping Peninsula. I say this is interesting because a couple reasons;

1. The Weeping Peninsula is home to a spirit next to a church who speaks of an unwanted child of Marika's. Many people assumed this had something to do with the headless demigod in the Walking Mausoleums, but we are now inclined to believe it could be Messmer. That being said, there could be some relation to the headless demigod and Messmer, as we do seem to see more knights similar to Mausoleum Knights in the trailer and images. And with Messmer's seeming fondness for blasphemous things; he has dragon eyes, he has a snake, he wields fire and what looks like the thorns of the guilty, I think this could be related to why he would be unwanted. He's a little shit.

2. The Weeping Peninsula does not have a demigod or shardbearer. Every other region of the game has some kind of big boss that is important to the main story, while the Peninsula has... a Leonine Misbegotten... sure, this boss is interesting with the story of Castle Morne and it having the sword, but it is interesting that this is the only region without one and just so happens to also have this dungeon and a spirit talking about an unwanted child.

So, onto the actual dungeon.

For starters, we have a giant pit near the beginning of the dungeon.

Is this important? Probably not since I'm pretty sure other dungeons have this kind of entrance area, but one think I don't think is typical of dungeons is this:

There are bars over the tombs. Now, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this does not happen in other dungeons, at least not very many. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is odd.

And this appears to be in multiple areas, not just this hall, though admittedly not every one of these corpse storage things are like this.

But now we have the impaling part of the Impaler's Catacombs; a classic trap of step on it, get pushed up into a bunch of spikes. Oh look at that, you've been impaled.

I think this could imply that, if this is related to Messmer, that he would be a very cruel person. I mean, you would probably have to be cruel to impale someone regardless, but to do so through a not-so-fun funhouse trap is probably a bit more sadistic.

Underneath this is the sewers. These sewers still have tombs here, which is a pretty shitty place to be laid to rest. Does this have any meaning? Well, it could add to the theme of unwantedness. If you don't want someone, you likely don't respect them, and if don't respect them, put them with the poop. And if he somehow had a hand in making this one, it could be that this tomb was for people just like that.

Is there anything interesting about the sewers? Well, it's full of Putrid Corpses. According the item description of the Putrid Corpse Ashes:

Does this mean anything? Tbh, I'm not sure. There could be something we could out these enemies essentially being meat shields or distractions though, but may I am reaching again.

The other interesting thing we find here is a prattling prate! Specifically...

"Please Help." Oop. I think the name speaks for itself, but the shape of this prate, all of which are intended to be heads, looks very squished. Almost like the person who has pleaded for help has had their head stepped on, which is something I'm sure many Messmer fans wish could happen to them.

Next up we have more barred over tombs next to the lever. This will add more to my theory at the end.

We've got this window that leads back to the boss room. Does this mean anything? Probably not, but you better believe that I'm gonna pull something out of it at the end. Plus it's kind of a neat way to loop back around!

Speaking of the boss, our boss is a Burial Watchdog. Pretty standard. But what isn't standard is that this one is accompanied by four imps.

Once again, very cruel. Mostly to use, the player, but still. It will go into the fuel pile for my theory.

And for beating this boss, we get the Demihuman Ashes.

Can I get anything out of this? Well, the Demi-Humans are a pretty oppressed group, like many of the inhabitants of the Lands Between who weren't born as the Golden Order or its enforcers would want you to be.

So, what is my theory? Well, as you could probably tell...

I think Messmer is an asshole. A very cruel asshole. Assuming he is related to this dungeon, I think that this dungeon was maybe meant more for punishment than normal burial.

The tombs being barred over? Only those with clean shots to the exit are. Perhaps Messmer would have people entombed alive and they would be locked behind these bars, unable to escape and forced either to starve to death, or simply suffer forever since death was removed.

Those tombs that aren't barred over? Well, they're all right on our fun little deathtrap. Sure, you don't have bars. You can get out of your tomb, but the moment you do, your driven through with metal spikes. And below is the sewers, which is full of putrid corpses and a prate asking for help.

Perhaps others were shoved down here to live in the filth, unable to get up to the top. The time of being trapped down here had them begging for help, begs that went unanswered, and they were corrupted by the filth into these putrid beings.

As for the boss? Well, let's start with the window down to it. Your only choice would be to head down into the sewers, or out this window. This window doesn't harm us, but we have protagonist powers. Any normal person would probably shatter their legs. Next, the boss' drop. The Demi-Human ashes. Again, an oppressed and hated group. Perfect for being trapped here as a punishment, no?

And the boss itself is a large group. You get past the bars, you get past the death trap, you get out of the sewers, make it down the window without being too badly hurt, and what you have is four Imps and a Watchdog waiting to make sure you NEVER make it out.

I think Messmer may have watched over the Weeping Peninsula and may have made this tomb not for the dead, but for the living. To trap them; make them suffer and never be able to get out.

And as a little bonus; the pit at the beginning. A funny thing about this pit is that there are messages down here. You can survive the drop! But uh... good luck getting out. You physically can't unless you have beaten the dungeon and fast travel, or use one of the items that return you to a Site of Grace. This could add to the theme of you're trapped and never leaving. Once the rest of the tomb is full, they bring you in, drop you in a whole, you break your everything, and are trapped. But this assumes this was intentional, but tbh, it probs wasn't.

BUT HEY, THAT'S JUST A THEORY. A GAME THEORY. Thanks for reading. Is any of this true? Maybe. Only time will tell. I'd love to hear your thoughts and thank you to everyone who made it this far in the post.

[storytellering]

if it's okay, would you mind sharing your art process? your style is SO gorgeous dude. keep it up spardacest nation!!!

Thank you so much anon, and of course! I kinda posted about it on twitter a while ago, but for anyone not also on there, here's a paraphrasing of what I said there! (under a cut bc it's gonna get a bit long)

(speedpaint video from procreate mostly bc like I also said in that post, it's one of the few pieces I've done entirely on procreate and thus entirely recorded kdfjhdk I usually don't do the sketching + painting parts on there but every now and then I get lazy and want to get it all done quick in one program lol! It's not as good as it would look if I were using krita to render (which is what I normally use) but it gets the idea across decently of what it is that I do)

The short version of my process is: sketch, clean up sketch for lineart, then flat colors, then paint over the flats (i make the flats my shadows and paint on the light), then a multiply layer for skin details (like lips, eyebags, etc), then an overlay layer for skin transparency details (red over the ears/nose/fingertips etc), then i do hair over the lineart, then a multiply layer with the contact shadows in a light beige/grey/neutral tone on top of everything else, and then i unify layers, paint over the details, and color correct the HELL out of it The longer version is: SO, first of all, I will say, my entire process for a finished/fully redered piece is pretty scattered and uses a lot of different apps, because after many years of trying out different drawing apps I found that I just worked better when I could incorporate the parts I liked best from each individual one rather than having to adapt to another app entirely! In total, what I use is: autodesk sketchbook and procreate for the first half I do on my ipad, then krita and photoshop on my computer when I'm actually rendering (but any photo editing app instead of ps will do, I'm just used to photoshop bc that's what I learned as my first drawing app WAAAY back in the day lol), and then meitu on my phone for color filters (also any phone editing app with filters in it will do), AND also optional just for references: blender and daz3d on computer + magicposer on my phone The actual step by step of what I do: First of all, if I want to do a detailed, well rendered piece I will start by getting my references ready. That means either just grabbing a screenshot from the game if it's like, a simple portrait, or a photo reference, taking a picture of myself in the right pose/lighting, and if it's something more complex I will recreate the scene in Daz3D to simulate a realistic lighting, OR even just blender (i have the game models for the dmc characters downloaded, so I can just pop them in, pose them and change the lighting to get a realistic idea of what shadows their faces will cast in that specific angle/lighting.) Note: references are pretty essential to me, and there's nothing to be ashamed about for using them! Personally I don't struggle a lot with the drawing/sketching part of art, but my tiny little pea brain cannot fathom how to make an object 3D in my mind, and how to visualize shadows realistically... thus the reliance on 3D programs to do that for me, and then all I have to do is draw what I'm seeing lol. My art improved significantly ever since I started making 3D refs so I could get /exactly/ what I needed - there's still a lot of leeway you need to learn though, because as realistic as the lighting will be in a rendering program, you'll never really get a fully natural looking image, as far as stuff like the body stretching/squishing/pulling when it's in movement, facial expressions, folds in clothing/fabric, etc... so really it's more a guide than something meant to be followed 1:1.

Then, once I'm confident I know exactly what I'm gonna draw/have the idea in my head, I start sketching it in sketchbook. Not really getting very in depth, just blocking out rough shapes - I like sketchbook and to be on my ipad for that because it feels very reminiscent of traditional sketching on paper to me, which while I'm not super confident on my traditional art abilities, I do get the most natural/fluid/non-stiff figures out that way. Then when I think I have the general idea ready, I export the sketch layer as a png and import it into procreate - which is where I kinda start picking at the sketch and polishing it like i'm carving it out haha. Lots of liquify tool, flipping the canvas to check if it's even, blending out some of the lineart to help out with the rendering later, and then polishing up what was once the sketch into serviceable lineart. I usually reimport it back into sketchbook at this stage - while I like procreate for drawing I don't love the brushes I can use for lineart there, and so I usually only draw the "base" naked figure in there - when I'm in sketchbook I use a hard pencil to refine the details, then on a separate layer add all the things "on top" like hair, clothing, etc - usually I can get it pretty easily in one go, and once I'm satisfied I erase the naked body under the clothes and unify the lineart layers. Then I will just do the flats with a hard brush, turning the lineart layer into an overlay layer and coloring things in with the shadow colors. At this point, I export the file as a psd and import it on my computer - I give it a once over in photoshop first to see if there needs to be any adjusting (like whether any layer that has an effect needs to have a different effect, if all the colors look right since the ipad screen isn't the most faithful, if i wanna change the background color, etc), and once I think it's ready enough, I open it up in krita, where I do the actual bulk of the painting/rendering (as to why specifically krita: it's because I've gotten very comfortable with the brush/painting brush dynamics there and cannot seem to get as good results anywhere else, it's just the goldilocks spot of a brush for me haha.) If anyone's curious, here's the brushes I usually use for painting:

The one in the middle is my go to painting brush, left one for tinier/more refined details, right one for blending out soft shadows (though I learned the hard way to not overuse it, or it will look like I went ham with an airbrush tool lol). (I don't change any of the settings on these brushes, so if you wanna try out the exact ones I use! Just fresh off how they come out the app haha) I paint on the lights on top of the shadows, and just focus on that for the time being - once I'm done with the basic painting, I'll make a separate multiply layer for details like lip color, eye waterlines, makeup if there is any, eyebags, etc, and then adjust the opacity until it feels right - then I'll make an overlay layer with skin translucency details (like, when you hold your hands in front of a light and see the tips of your fingers become bright orange - many parts of your body are always a bit translucent to the blood underneath, specifically parts where the skin is thin like noses, cheeks, joints, knuckles, etc, and I found it makes the character look a lot more alive to add that subtle coloring in) - then usually I do hair on a separate layer on top of the lineart (because that way I can add small flyaways, more details, etc, and just use the lineart as a guide) After that, I'll usually make a multiply layer on top of everything where I'll add contact shadows in a neutral color (usually pretty pale, it'll be darker anyway since it's multiply), and once I feel like I've rendered everything out properly, I save the psd and re-open it on photoshop.

In photoshop, I'll mess around with the layers a little bit more (changing hue/saturation, opacity, etc), fuck around with the background to make it look pleasing, and once I'm happy with it, I'll unify the layers and start color correcting - usually by duplicating the unified layer and messing with the curve/hsl of the image and then changing the opacity of that edited layer until it's as strong or muted as I want it to be - then I also edit the RGB curves individually and adjust the opacity of that also (because I just really like how it ends up looking if I give a bit of a red/warm tint to the shadows lol), and at that point often I will reimport the finished image into procreate for some finalizing touches! Like, blending out shadows that came out too harshly, painting over anything that came out not the way I wanted it, redefining the lineart if it got messy during painting, and adding any extra small detail that might have gotten lost like catchlights, hair shines, hair flyaways, tears, etc. I also do one last round of flipping the canvas and liquify if needed! At this point, I export the finished image both to my computer and my phone - on my phone I open it up on the photo editing app, and add a bunch of different color filters - I don't hesitate from going completely balls to the walls here, and just kinda applying as many filters as will make an image look pleasing to my eye. Once I think it looks good, I'll export the edited image to my computer - and then open both the version without filters and the one with them on photoshop, and use the filtered version as an opacity layer, and adjust it until it doesn't look as crazy anymore lol. One last step I recently started incorporating was also changing the image to grayscale after I'm done, and doing one last round of curves in greyscale to make sure the values look right, and nothing is getting too lost because the values are too similar (because i know i get a bit swept up in getting repulsed by harsh contrasting lighting and can end up washing out all of rendering if I don't check myself kjdfgk) AND that's it! Yes it's a pretty long and chaotic process, but it's coming from years of trial and error and realizing I can just let myself fo whatever makes me happier with the results, and I don't have to stay constrained to one program if I don't like every tool it has to offer/don't have to accept the final image fresh off the painting app as the "finished" image with no adjustments allowed after, lol. I don't find it takes a lot more time than if I didn't do it this way, but YMMV. Hope this was helpful and sorry for taking so long to explain! I just wanted to give a thorough explanation dfhdkhkx