#st mad world by tears for fears

[aemiron-main]

HUGE MIKE REALIZATION HES SO SCREWED IN S5 OH MY GOD

OHHHHHH FUCK. EVERYTHING IVE  BEEN TALKING ABT LATELY WITH HOW MIKE’S QUEERNESS IS TIED TO HIS GUILT OVER PEOPLES’ DEATHS/LOSING THEM??  SUCH AS IN THIS POST?? well not only does it tie to eddie and tie to el like i just talked abt in the replies of this post with @heroesbyler but it also ties to bob. to be extremely clear i am not saying that mike ever had romantic feelings for bob because he didn’t. what i AM saying is that mike may feel guilt for bob’s death that are tied to his queerness via mike’s gay feelings for will.

like think about it. mike was desperately trying to warn those soldiers that it was a trap. MIKE is the one who will told about his murder plan first. Mike actually prompted Will to talk, going “what’s wrong? are you hurting again?” and then Will says “I saw something,” and mike goes “in your now memories?”. He’s the one prompting Will, in mike’s mind, he might have been responsible for giving will the idea to look at his now memories. He was trying to help Will, he saw that Will was just sort of sitting there in a daze and was trying to HELP, calling will’s name and trying to see what’s happening, make sure he’s okay, asking him what’s wrong. But in mike’s mind, his attempts to help just ended up hurting, just like how his feelings for people end up getting them killed/hurting them. Mike, thinking that if maybe he wasn’t so blinded by his feelings for will/queerness, he could’ve looked at will more critically and realized what was going on. Mike is the one who realized that will is the spy, but he feels like he’s the one who failed to realize it. He’s the one who came up with the idea to sedate Will, but he may also feel responsible for the fact that Will has to be sedated in the first place, that he was too blinded by his own feelings for Will and trust in Will to see what was going on- and not only did this result in the soliders and Bob getting hurt/dying, but it also resulted in WILL getting hurt, in WILL almost dying (he would’ve died if they closed the gate). Maybe if they didn’t need to sedate Will, maybe if Mike had noticed sooner, before possessed!Will could get away with his plan, maybe if Mike hadn’t literally prompted Will to talk about his plan, then maybe the demodogs wouldn’t have been called to the surface, and Bob wouldn’t have been killed by them. Maybe if Mike hadn’t been so happy that Will recognized him, then he would’ve been more focused on being concerned about will *not* recognizing other people. Maybe if Mike had been able to figure out Will’s map of drawings at the Byers house, Bob wouldn’t have needed to be involved, maybe if Mike was just a little bit smarter, had paid a little bit more attention in class or looked a little bit closer at a map of Hawkins once. So now mike also feels responsible for will’s guilt and will being in danger/almost dying and the soldiers’ deaths AND bob’s death and that feeling of responsibility/guilt is tied to his queerness AGAIN. Plus, the shed scene: the shed was Mike’s idea. And it helped! It worked, initially! But then because they were in the shed, Will could hear the phone ringing. Mike, seeing it not as a success for himself, but a failure, because maybe if he hadn’t suggested the shed, maybe if they took Will somewhere else, he wouldn’t have known where they were, because he wouldn’t have heard the phone ring. Mike’s intelligence and love for the people around him SAVES them constantly,  but he sees it as hurting them. He only sees the way that he hurts people. And vecna is going to use this against him in s5. Mike doesn’t have one big moment of guilt or one main person who died/got hurt because of him and his queerness. He has this huge, layared amalgamation of many, of all of those moments, of El and Eddie and Will and Bob and the soliders and everyone. It’s death by a thousand cuts and Henry’s going to deliver the final one in s5. Hell, these are just a few examples of this sort of thing with mike, there’s SO many more examples of how his queerness, in his mind, intertwines with peoples’ deaths. Remember that scene of Mike staring at Will’s lips while quietly telling max to stay away from the door when Billy’s in the sauna? I didn’t really understand at first why they chose to write that scene the way that they did except to hammer home that mike is gay/distracted by his feelings for Will, but why not just show that at another time? Why show it in such a high-stakes situation to the point where it almost becomes comical? Because it links mike’s queerness to other people getting killed/hurt. Mike is so busy staring at Will that he doesn’t warn Max loudly or fast enough. And then everyone is put in danger once Billy breaks out. Mike, thinking about how maybe if he hadn’t been so distracted, if he’d been faster or louder, maybe Billy wouldn’t have broken out, if he’d been stronger when standing up against Billy, maybe he could’ve stopped him. This also gets MIKE hurt though, but mike doesn’t CARE about that, doesn’t care to the point where he doesn’t even register it. Mike gets his head bashed against a pipe by Billy, but that doesn’t matter to him, he only sees how his queerness is hurting other people, he doesn’t see or care how people are hurting him. But how do i know that Mike is making these connections in his brain? That he’s connecting himself in all of these ways that i’ve mentioned? You might be thinking “well em you’re just assuming that mike’s brain works like that. how can you demonstrate it?” How can I demonstrate that this is how Mike’s brain works/that he is likely to make these connections to himself and how his queerness intertwines with getting people hurt/killed? Well, let’s look at the Wheeler family dynamic. t’s summed up best by Ted: “What did i do?” The wheeler family fucking sucks at communication. They don’t tell their kids or eachother what they’ve done wrong and what they can do to make it right. They’re passive agressive, they give cold shoulders and silent glares. Instead, Mike and Ted are both left wondering what they’ve done. Which forces Mike to try and figure it out instead of people telling him. Which pushes his brain towards making all of those connections. And no wonder Mike acts out so much: he’s hoping that somebody will finally get mad enough at him to just TELL HIM what he’s doing wrong! We see this at rink o mania too! He literally ASKS will “why is this on me? why am i the bad guy?” He’s ASKING HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG. USUALLY HE JUST TRIES TO FIGURE IT OUT AND EVENTUALLY FINDS A REASON FOR IT TO BE HIS FAULT BUT THIS TIME?? HE CANT FIND ONE HE HAS TO ASK. He doesn’t even fucking clap back at will and say that it was will’s fault, he doesn’t defend himself and say that he ISN’T the bad guy, he ASKS WHY HE IS. JESUS CHRIST MICHAEL DO YOU HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM OR SENSE OF SELF WORTH?? HE JUST ASSUMES THAT ITS HIS FAULT BUT HE AT LEAST WANTS TO KNOW WHY BECAUSE EVEN HIS SELF LOATHING BRAIN CANT FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE IT HIS FAULT THIS TIME BECAUSE HE DID CALL HE CALLED SO MANY TIMES. “Do you see what happens, Michael?” “What happens when what? Again, Mike is forced to answer the question himself, the wheeler family dynamic literally fosters that guilt and personal responsibility spiral. It’s also a personal representation of the individualistic nature of capitalism and how capitalism fosters a sense of individualism which leads to a sense of personal responsibility for things that aren’t a single person’s fault + purposefully stifles organized change and cooperation. Mike is forced to wonder what Ted meant, and it’s no surprise that after that dinner scene, we get a scene of Mike in the basement saying to Lucas that he’s worried about Will: because mike has been ruminating about what happened to Will, about what ted meant, trying to figure out what ‘what’ isnt, figure out the answer to ‘do you see what happens,’ trying to figure out WHAT HAPPENED, trying to figure out ‘what happens when what?’. And Mike has such a deep sense of personal responsbility for things and also a deep sense of justice and wanting to make things right: he doesn’t like to lie, he wants to resolve the conflict with lucas in s1. But then he starts feeling like he can’t make things right, ESPECIALLY in s4. He DOESN’T resolve things with lucas and hellfire. He DOESN’T properly resolve things with El or with Will, there’s still that tension with both of them.  He still WANTS to make things right even though he’s failing at it and feels like he CANT, just because he isn’t doing it doesn’t mean he doesn’t WANT to anymore.

So he’s desperate when it comes to making things right. Especially since he feels like it’s his fault that it’s wrong. Mike stands up against injustice that isn’t even his fault (see: the bullies making fun of will, it’s not mike’s fault that will’s gay (smthn smthn ‘its not my fault that you dont like girls’ smthn smthn mikes sense of personal responsibility and guilt is REALLY starting to beat his ass in s3), so when the injustice IS his fault/he feels like it is, it really hurts him, he REALLY wants to make it right, which gets even more terrifying for him with the fact that again, he feels responsibility for things that aren’t even his fault. And desperate times call for desperate measures. And sacrificing himself in s5? That’s a desperate measure. Mike feels as if he’s hurt so many people so any times, like i said, its an amalgamation of things, not just one event. And so, he KNOWS that he can’t make up for every single one of them individually, can’t make up for those deaths or those moments of hurt. So he has to make up for all of them at once. And it’s going to kill him- scratch that, him dying is going to be HOW he makes up for it. He’s going to die to save others, which in his mind, not only HELPS them by saving them, but also prevents them from experiencing further harm as a result of him and his queerness specifically. I’m also looking fucking DIRECTLY at “war” by frankie goes to hollywood on mike’s playlist. holy FUCK. The queercoding is something i’ve talked about before, with how ‘frankie goes to hollywood,’ was a band known for gay music videos and who had two gay men in it. But look at the lyrics in addition to the queercoding. These lyrics often aren’t listed because it’s more of a voiceover in the song (the song has a voiceover on top of the song ‘war’ by edwin star), but this is what it says: “Then, of course, there is revolutionary love. Love of comrades fighting for the people, and love of people. Not an abstract people, but one who one lives and works with. When che guevara talked of love being at the centre of revolutionary endeavour, he meant both. For people like Che, or george jackson, or malcom x, love was the prime mover of their struggle. And love cost them their lives. Love, coupled with immense pride.” This song is literally about sacrificing oneself out of love, and how love saves people but also kills and hurts people. And saving people in your life specifically, not just a general sacrifice for all of hawkins like Eddie’s was, but rather, about Mike saving the people that he ‘lives and works with,’ the people in HIS life, not just the abstract people of hawkins/world as a whole. “love, coupled with immense pride.” IMMENSE PRIDE?? COMING FROM A DEEPLY QUEER BAND?? AND EVERYTHING IVE BEEN SAYING ABOUT HOW MIKES GUILT ISNT JUST TIED TO HIS FEELINGS FOR WILL OR GUILT ABOUT BEING RUDE/HURTFUL TO PEOPLE IN GENERAL BUT TO HIS QUEERNESS SPECIFICALLY?? LOVE COST THEM THEIR LIVES?? QUEER PEOPLE BEING KILLED FOR THEIR LOVE IN ST (HENRY TARGETING WILL AND BARB AND THE FACT THAT WILLS VANISHING WAS THOUGHT TO BE A HATECRIME AND HOW MIKES LOVE IS GOING TO COST HIM HIS LIFE BC HIS GUILT IS TIED TO HIS QUEERNESS) And this song also ties back to what I talked about with the wheeler family’s representation of capitalism and individualism (and god this HAS to tie into the russia arc and communism stuff somehow), because love and pride and collectivism and fighting for a people are something that goes against capitalism, but it costs people their lives. Mike going against that individualism is going to cost him his life, Mike being vulnerable and sacrificing himself and likely getting outed by henry is going to kill him, but it’s going to save other people. Especially maybe if Mike gets outed to stop Will from getting outed, dies so that will’s feelings for mike aren’t revealed. Love and pride are what’s going to kill mike. His love and his queerness will kill him. But it’s also going to save him. It’s going to bring him back, too. AND LOOK AT ‘MAD WORLD’ ON HIS PLAYLIST TOO: “the dreams in which i’m dying are the best i’ve ever had.” It’s a song about feeling out of place in society/going against society but also out of place in one’s interpersonal relationships and how both of those result in death, JUST like how ‘war’ by frankie goes to hollywood is about how people who rebelled against society and died as a result of it. And while the people mentioned in ‘war’ didn’t die at their own hand and sacrificed themselves but still died at another’s hand, ‘mad world,’ is more suicide at one’s own hand, which ties to how Mike sacrificing himself in s5 is going to be tied directly to his suicidality and work as a metaphor for him having killed himself in a non-supernatural/self sacrificing way, as a metaphor for what i’ve talked about before with how mike is invisible gay men who die by suicide vs how will is hypervisible gay men who die by hate crimes. But also look at this excerpt about the song: “This song is about a depressed young person who feels out of place in this world. He sees life as being empty, and looks for ways to escape the pain. The line, "The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" suggests thoughts of suicide, and according to Roland Orzabal, who wrote the lyrics, it relates to the psychologist Arthur Janov's idea that our most dramatic dreams release the most tension. So, the guy in the song isn't necessarily looking to die - he wakes up from morbid, lucid dreams feeling better.“

Mike doesn’t want to die persay: he just wants to stop hurting people, he wants to die in the sense that he sees death and self-sacrifice/suicide as the only way for him to stop hurting people AND for him to make up for the hurt he’s caused AND as the only way for him to save/protect people. Mike doesn’t just randomly want to die, just like how the singer of ‘mad world’ doesn’t want to just randomly die- but rather, sees death as a possible solution to the isolation and pain. Mike is going to experience those morbid ‘dreams,’ he’s going to die, but he’s going to come BACK. Plus vecna and all of the dream imagery with him?? the freddy krueger parallels?? the ‘dream a little dream of me’ and ‘california dreaming’ imagery and paralells and how both songs tie to henry and will? ‘the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had’? This imagery almost seems to indicate that mike won’t actually die but rather just dream of it, but i disagree: i think the dream imagery ties his death to vecna, that it’s tied to a dream in the sense that henry kills people in their dreams.

“I find it hard to tell you ‘cause I find it hard to take.” Mike has trouble opening up to people because he’s struggling with his guilt and struggling with finding himself/his guilt/queerness ‘hard to take,’ so if he can’t even accept it, in his mind, how can he expect others to accept it? What he doesn’t realize is that other people accepting it is what’s going to help HIM accept himself, like how i talked about in this post with how mike makes will not feel like a mistake but the vice versa is also true and how mike’s ability to accept his own sexuality is intrinsically tied to Will. Mike is fucked. Mike is SO FUCKED. But he’s going to be saved. He’s going to die and come back. Love is going to save him, the very thing that killed him. Just like how mike thinks his actions/his love for people and helping them actually hurt them when in reality it SAVED them.  And henry’s whole “tricked you? I saved you.” thing. It’s the opposite for mike, it would be ‘saved you? i ‘tricked’ (hurt) you.” 

[wxstros]

Bonds Forged in Fire

In a world where dragons did not dance and Rhaenyra reigns unchallenged on the Iron Throne, her legacy endures through her three valiant sons, with the Targaryens having bowed to their rightful queen. You, a traveller in this medieval tapestry, have at last discovered the opportune moment to seek solace in Essos, intending to live out your days unburdened and free. No longer are you compelled to mend the fragile bonds among feuding cousins, having already nurtured a brotherhood among the Velaryon and Targaryen youths. Freed from the duty of attending to Alicent, appeasing your father Daemon, or strategizing for the benefit of the realm and its beloved Rhaenyra, you stand on the cusp of true retirement... or do you?

warnings: typical targcest/inc*st. DARK CHARACTERS; controlling behavior, manipulation, gaslighting. cursing. reader is a modern human. dance of the dragons did not happen. canon typical violence. yandere behavior!

pairings: hotd x reader, daemon targaryen x daughter!reader (platonic)

CHAPTER TWO: NO LONGER A FREE WOMAN

Quiet and Commanding. Graceful and Bloodthirsty — you were both the calmness of the sea and it's tempest. In a desperate act of survival, you reshaped the fate of Westeros; a no ordinary feat by all means, and you bore the scars of fabricating this delicate peace.

You sought to end a war before it grew to become one. Tearing the heart of the dragon so it no longer bore heads, you suffered the consequences of your meddling, self-preserving nature, from the curse of Targaryens.

Madness. Delusions. Paranoia..

Paranoia is ever common among people of power, and in your whimsical rendition of the present, you found yourself ensnared in the very web you sought to untangle.

Your knowledge of the succession of events was vital in its formative years; you were the weaver of histories yet unwritten, the keeper of secrets that shaped destinies. In the quiet chambers of the Red Keep, where whispers carried more weight than steel, you stood as a sentinel of wisdom amidst the unfolding of ambition and intrigue.

Once, you navigated the tapestry of Westerosi politics with a sure hand, guiding alliances and decisions that now lay woven into the fabric of a new era. But the future you once knew, predictable as the turning of seasons, now unfolded with unpredictable swiftness.

The absence of war reshaped the contours of power, leaving uncertainties where once there were certainties... and you had become one of it's unfortunate casualties.

"If I may speak, my lady," she began, her voice a whisper that hung in the air like the fragrance of roses in bloom. You turned to face her, your expression calm yet attentive, silently inviting her to share the secrets that threaded through the underbelly of courtly life. A strategically placed informant, a madame you kept in your good graces, for her valuable informations.

With practiced ease, you gestured for her to continue as you returned to your preparations, the delicate clink of jewelry punctuating the quiet conversation between you. The madame hesitated, her words measured and cautious, betraying the weight of the information she carried.

"I've come upon certain... revelations," she finally ventured, her tone laden with the gravity of her disclosure. She recounted, with a waver in her countenance, the princes' preferences— their specific demands echoing through the chambers like whispers of scandal. Each word revealed a world hidden behind closed doors, where fantasies intertwined with the obligations of royalty and it's stifling constraints.

Your hands paused momentarily, the silver earrings poised between your fingers as you absorbed the implications of her words. You feared the unspoken consequences of such desires. One that transcended the boundaries of rank and decorum, casting shadows upon the noble facade that adorned the princes in public.

"They call for you," she had confessed in a hushed tone, her eyes troubled yet resolute. "Not just any women, but those with your likeness. They cry out your name in the throes of passion, seeking to recreate a semblance of what they know in the sanctity of their chambers."

With a nod of dismissal, the madame withdrew, leaving the chamber with a bow of deference. Alone once more, you resumed your preparations, the morning light seeming dimmer now as you contemplated the delicate balance between power and discretion within the heart of the Red Keep. Yet, the madame's parting words lingered, her voice tinged with an urgency that unsettled you.

"Forgive me, if you must call me insolent." she had said, her eyes wide with concern, "Leave this place once you get the chance. These princes... they are not what they seem. Their love is a dangerous thing."

The weight of her warning wasn't missed, nor unrewarded. Leave, she said. And you almost wept at your desire to do so. The thought of escape had always been present, but now it seemed more pressing, more necessary.

The Targaryen madness... a curse that had plagued their bloodline for generations, was not a mere myth. It was a living, breathing beast that lurked within the halls of the keep, a beast that had ensnared even the most unsuspecting hearts.

The tales of their ancestors, the whispers of dragons and fire, echoed in your thoughts.

You had seen the cracks in their facades, the fleeting moments when the mask slipped, revealing the turmoil beneath. It was in the soft utterance, in a mad whisper of devotion.

with me, no harm shall come your way; rhaenyra, whispers.

i would kill anyone who tries to take you from me; daemon, vows.

you must always have me in your heart. it must have only me; aegon pleads.

It was devotion that threatened to consume you. It was in the quiet plea for acceptance. It was in the vulnerable displays, where the attachment grew into something you could no longer control.

never leave me; jacaerys utters with conviction.

tell me you need me; aemond, grips you.

tell me you love me; heleana whispers.

tell me you're mine...

The madness was not just in their blood; it was in their very souls, a consuming fire that threatened to engulf all who drew too close.

As you finished your preparations, you pondered your next step. To outmaneuver the most powerful people in the realm; to extricate yourself from their grasp, required more than just cunning. It required a keen understanding of the intricate dance of power and madness that played out within these walls.

As you stepped into the corridor, the weight of the madame's warning heavy upon your shoulders, you knew that your journey was far from over. The road ahead was treacherous, but with each step, you inched closer to the freedom that lay beyond the reach of the dragon's fire.

The small council was filled with nobles loyal to Rhaenyra's claim. People who were wise, honest, and unbearably scheming. Aemond was among the council, a concession to allow for unity and to placate those who supported his family. Yet, his presence was more than strategic; Aemond had always been smart and decisive, qualities that made him a valuable asset in matters of governance and warfare. His sharp mind and keen insights often cut through the labyrinth of political machinations, bringing clarity and resolution to complex issues.

Jacaerys, the crown prince, also held a seat on the council. As Rhaenyra's eldest son, it was imperative that he learn the intricacies of rule and the delicate balance of power within the realm. His participation was both an educational experience and a symbol of continuity, showing that the future of the realm was in capable hands. Though Aemond and Jace had a fraught history, they had reached a tenuous truce, understanding the necessity of cooperation for a shared cause. Their interactions were civil, even if not genuinely friendly, a testament to their shared commitment to the greater good.

Aegon, noticeably absent from the meeting, was occupied with securing an allegiance with a rich noble visiting. His transformation from a reckless youth to a responsible leader was a surprising deviation from the expected path, proving that even the most unlikely individuals could rise to the occasion when the realm demanded it.

Where there was once dignified discussions had unravelled into a heated one...

"A marriage allegiance, to the North?" Daemon repeats incredulously, a frown marring his features at the absurd suggestion from one of the lords in the small council.

The man, while relatively small in stature, held his stance despite receiving hostile glares from multiple pairs of scathing gazes. He was certain they wished to command his head off, but the loyalty to your cause remains in him. "The princess is of the right age to marry; it would strengthen our ties with the North and ensure their loyalty," the lord persisted.

Aemond tensed, repressing the urge to draw his sword and cut the insolent bastard's tongue for his brazen suggestion. His dear, sweet cousin, would not debase herself to a mere wolf when she had the blood of a dragon coursing through her veins!

Jace had a similar, quiet indignation. You would not marry to distant mountains, let alone to a foreign man. It was one thing to share your affections among their family, an entirely different one, should it be directed to another entirely.

Rhaenyra, at the head of the council, was first to voice her dissent, her expression calm yet resolute. "The realm is at peace. What need have we for an alliance with the North? We do not need to complicate matters with alliances that may bring more harm than good."

"Peace reigns now, the future is uncertain. Strengthening our ties with the North ensures stability in times of unforeseen turmoil. The marriage alliance is a precautionary measure, one that could safeguard the realm," the lord insisted, gathering murmurs of support around the table.

Daemon slammed his fist on the table, his voice booming. "We have dragons! We should be the ones feared, not groveling for alliances like beggars. The North should be seeking our favor, not the other way around. This talk of marriage is a distraction, a needless concession."

"We do not need to rally more support. Our house is strong enough without resorting to such measures," Jacareys adds, stoic though his eyes blazed with unspoken fury.

The defiance in the room was palpable, a wall of resistance against the idea of your marriage to a northerner, the famed Cregan Stark warden of the North.

Every time the notion of marriage was presented, they always had an excuse, a reason to dismiss it. Their hatred for the idea was unmistakable, rooted in their desire to keep you close, to maintain the unity of the family within the confines of King's Landing.

You never much bothered to disagree. Marriage was never your priority; you were trying to stave off the extinction of the Targaryens, where could you find the energy and time to please a husband?

However, this time, you decided to break the pattern.

"I agree," you said, your voice steady and calm. The room fell silent, all eyes turning to you in shock.

"You what?" Daemon's voice was low, dangerous, a silent threat hung in the air as if begging you to repeat your agreement.

"I admire Cregan Stark," you continued, ignoring the rising tension. "He is known to be handsome, domineering, strong, and capable. Such a match would be beneficial for our house."

And he lives in the desolate cold. Far from King's Landing. Come winter, and no dragon, however mighty, could cross its threshold.

Rhaenyra was speechless, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to find words. Daemon's face turned a deeper shade of red, his anger barely contained. Aemond and Jace looked as though they were on the verge of losing their composure, their fists clenched tightly.

"You would leave for the North?" While emotionless and composed, Aemond was anything but.

"This is absurd. You can't possibly mean this," Jace added, his tone equally tense.

You met their gazes with unwavering resolve. "This alliance is strategic. It ensures the realm's continued prosperity and stability. It is a decision made for the greater good."

Daemon's expression darkened, his frustration palpable as he struggled to reconcile his paternal instincts with sound reason, and not violent tendencies. He thiught it much easier to wield a sword and conquer cities.

"Whoever wove these tales, planting fairy-tale notions of a prince charming into my daughter's head, is a deceiver. They think they can trick her, make her believe in an idyllic fantasy. My daughter is naive and innocent in their eyes, easy to sway. But I will find this manipulator and have his head for daring to poison her mind with such nonsense!" He uttered, voice laced with venom, a final threat to whoever disagreed with his judgement— Daemon thought you naive, and gullible to suggestion, believing it was not your own will, but a treacherous cunt's ideas.

Afterall, you would never desire to leave him; your poor father... and the rest, whoever they may be. He still has no idea which was whom; he kept a tally of one or two silver haired kid, and the rest were lost to him.

Rhaenyra took a deep breath, her composure returning as she placed a hand on the table, grounding herself.

"We must weigh all options, think of the ramifications. A marriage... it is not a decision to be taken lightly."

Despite her words, you knew her mind was already made up. She had always been fiercely protective, and the idea of you leaving King's Landing, leaving her side, was something she could not easily accept.

The path to freedom was fraught with peril, but you had come too far to falter now. Your nod to the Arryn lord, was subtle— indicating he back down from his duel of wits. It was an issue for another day. Rhaenyra had made it so.

With a determined breath, you resolved to tread carefully, to gather the strength and allies needed to break free from the chains that bound you.

The Targaryen curse was a formidable foe, but you were no stranger to battles fought in the shadows.

***

do comment if you want to get tagged! 💗☺️

[chlorinecake]

PART 2: GHOST FACE YANDERE imagine

Ｂｌｏｏｄ Ｏｎ Ｉｃｅ | 얼음에 피 - a park sunghoon ff

⚡︎ cw: mentions of suicide, violence, character deaths, swearing, underage drinking, pregnancy/marriage themes, lgbtq+ themes, non-con scenes, heavy petting/kissing, ft. other kpop idols

⚡︎ summary: your unexpected pregnancy causes yandere!Sunghoon to grow unhealthily obsessed with you. the ex ghost face killer is then driven to dangerous extremes to ensure that you remain his (read part 1 and part 3)

⚡︎ wc: 13.6k (sorryyyy)

❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆now and then

Love always had a way of making Sunghoon Park go a little mad at times. Though, the young charmer with a deviant undercut was more of a threat to himself than anyone else around him. His obsessive tendencies led to him developing an obsession with the very thing he feared most: losing someone he loved.

Coupled with his compulsion to protect that love at all costs, Sunghoon ranked up an impressive kill count over the past three years.

Some may consider his inner world to be one of blind devotions, vanity, and false justices. Another might ask what’s so monstrous about fighting for love?

Everything, Sunghoon would warn you.

He lived day after day, feeling like a menace in love's never-ending nightmare, when all he ever wanted to be was the hero. He thought that if he killed just a little more, that maybe love would hurt a little less. But, to be honest, there was more to Sunghoon's violence than noble love. In a world of prey, murder granted him power, even amongst predators, a power that would drive him to dangerous extremes for the rest of his life.

Sunghoon discovered his true self in the very darkness that haunted him. The same darkness he would eventually find you in, hoping that someday, your light might consume him and grant him peace. Besides, you were the only 'good' he knew after his sister's passing.

It caught him off guard, his feelings for you.

Sunghoon grew fond of you beyond the fleeting satisfaction your body bestowed him by force, or during tearful fits after he'd just beaten you senselessly.

Oh, he thought you were such a pretty crier, it gave him a rush he wished to feel forever.

You were addicting, his new favorite drug.

꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…

The sound of school bells shattered your fragile sense of contentment, signaling for you and the rest of your disappointed peer's to attend the most detested class of the day: Physical education.

That day's roster consisted of a brutal dodgeball game, girl's versus boys. You weren't typically in the mood to have rubber balloons launched at your head, so you successfully escaped class under the lie that you were experiencing unbearable cramps. Mr. Peterson, your P.E teacher, handed you a hall pass, dismissing you from participation.

You made your way to the ladies restroom, located only a few steps from the gymnasium. Walking up to one of the bathroom sinks, you checked yourself out in the mirror, only to be met with the sound of hushed sobs, coming to a full stop upon the realization that someone else had entered the restroom.

"Hello?" Your voice echoed against the faded tile walls.

Hiccup.

The suppressed cry that slipped from her throat gave away her hiding spot. You paced down to the furthest bathroom stall, your gym sneakers squeaking with each step.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Are you alright in there?" You whispered, pressing your face flush against the obviously unlocked door.

"Please, just go away," the sullen voice begged you.

You sighed, "I hope you're not naked in there, because I'm coming in, anyway."

The sobs only heightened in response.

"Three," you began counting down, "two... one," you slung the heavy door open, revealing a teary eyed Wonyoung Park, sitting with her knees to her chest on the cold restroom floor, still in uniform.

You got on your knees to meet her before handing her a tissue.

"Thank you," she frowned, blowing her nose.

Your gaze swiveled around the gloomy stall, spotting a rectangular blue box stuffed in the trash can.

Reaching for it, Wonyoung gently swatted your hand, pulling your attention back to her.

"Please don't look at that," she pleaded, using her delicate fingers to dry her swollen eyes.

"Why're you crying?"

"It's really none of your business."

"Tell me or else I'm looking in the trash can."

She scoffed at your threat, crossing her arms again. "What's it to you anyway? We hardly know each other and now I'm supposed to give you life updates?"

"I'm just looking out for you, okay? It's a pretty big deal to find a girl crying in a school restroom with no explanation."

Wonyoung toyed with the beaded bracelet on her wrist, letting your words sink in before responding.

"Fine. I'll tell you why, but only if you share a secret in return."

“Seriously?” You asked both offended and surprised at the simple exchange.

“Yes, now start talking or I'll change my mind,” she giggled, nose still stuffy from her crying.

“Hmm,” you pondered, sitting crisscross applesauce as you struggled to think of something. Then it hit you.

“Well, it’s actually a secret about my friend, Kazuha, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, now go on," she directed eagerly, peering in closer as you started to speak.

“Okay, so, it all started with Jay's house party during freshman year. A simple game of truth or dare led to us having to kiss each other."

"On the lips?"

"Yes, but it was only a quick peck. The next day, she confessed her feelings for me, but I rejected her for the sake of our friendship.”

By now, you could hardly tell Wonyoung had been crying, as her white eyes widened with pure shock.

“Kazuha’s a lesbian?!”

“Shh! Keep it down,” you whispered, eliciting a fit of giggles from Wonyoung. “And no, she’s bisexual. That means she's interested in guys and girls."

Wonyoung stared at the ceiling in thought, “Y'know, now that I think about it, I do remember her peeking at me in the showers a few times.”

“Wonyoung!” You whisper-yelled.

“What? I didn’t mind or anything. I just thought it was a little strange.”

“I think you're forgetting something, missy," you said, reminding her of the deal you made earlier.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” she smiled before her restored countenance returned to the sad expression you found her with. She swiped the cardboard box from the trash can, placing it in your lap.

It was a pregnancy test.

No more words needed to be exchanged for you to know why she was crying, but she went on to explain anyways.

"Me and Jun-Hwan were together a few times, and... I... we used protection, but... just don't tell my brother. Please."

"You won't have to worry about me telling a single soul about this," you replied, shoving the box in your gym shorts pocket to throw away later.

Back then, you and Wonyoung didn't know each other well, but you divulged secrets you wouldn't have told anyone else, sharing a bond just close enough to be considered 'pending friends.' Your silly pinky promises to her have remained unbroken to this very day, cherishing her secrets as if they were your own. However, your connection with Wonyoung was short lived, as you would eventually betray her for Kaz and Mads.

➠ sunday -❆- present, one month after your abduction...

5:56am

The sound of your vomit clashing with the clear toilet water every morning became somewhat familiar for you and Sunghoon over the past few weeks. First, you felt the urge angrily twisting in your stomach. Then, your cheeks started to sting from the acidic saliva forming underneath your tongue. On bare knees with a hunched back, clinging to the toilet bowl with all your might, Sunghoon held your hair back, gravely concerned for your well being as you threw up for the nth time that morning.

It goes without saying that Sunghoon handled you harshly at times, but your escalating symptoms led him to believe that it was more than just some strange abuse response you developed.

You also began to experience backaches and tender breasts.

“I don’t like being rough with you when you’re already weak, ____, so stop fighting back when I want to play with you.”

Fatigue and intense abdominal cramps made each day under his ruling seem like a century.

“Remember that you’re here to suffer, ____. This pain is something you’ll have to endure for now.”

And then…

You missed your period.

Clutching unto your nearest hand as if never wanting to let go, Sunghoon sat on the edge of the bathtub beside you, anxiously waiting for whatever result dared to appear on the two pregnancy tests.

He picked with the dead skin that made up his nail bed, shallow breaths escaping his rigid body.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Sunghoon leaped at the sound of the alarm, reaching for the tests that rested dauntingly on the bathroom counter. Lifting the results to his eyes, his gaze softened at the sight of double positives, letting out a deep sigh.

"What is it, Sunghoon," you spoke softly, getting up from the tub to meet him. He set the tests on the counter again, turning to face you.

He took both of your trembling hands in his. "____," he began with a whisper, "I need you to listen to me when I say that I am never letting you go. Not with our child, and not without me."

Kissing the top of your head, he held you so impossibly close to him that you could hear his heart beating. “We must stick together now.”

And just like that, everything around you was suddenly changing, your foggy mind could hardly keep up. Sinking into his embrace, you felt both of your bodies simultaneously breaking and rebuilding themselves.

The news was heavy, but something about the idea of being a mother made you feel light.

➠ monday

6:27am

Despite how angry you made him at times, Sunghoon knew he had to tone down his hostility towards you. The potential baby’s health and safety became one of his top priorities, and he refused to risk it all on plain rage.

As far as your academic career was concerned, Sunghoon had clarified a while ago that your college plans were as good as forgotten.

Though, with a possible baby on the way, you were somewhat thankful for him making you drop out.

You and Sunghoon scheduled a doctor's appointment to have your pregnancy confirmed professionally before making any major changes. “So, you’re not worried about bringing me around people anymore?” You asked him, sitting with your legs crossed in the passengers seat of his car.

“I have no reason to be worried. You’ve learned better than to do or say anything stupid. Besides, I’ll be there the entire time. Now sit back and put your seatbelt on.”

You internally rolled your eyes, reaching for the seat belt before buckling it in.

Clink.

You pressed your body against the seat, reclining it backwards to relax your posture.

“Well, does that mean I can leave the basement more often now?”

He snickered to himself, shaking his head at your nonsense. The car rocked slightly as he drove past the stony trail.

“We’ll see what the doctor has to say about your condition. Then, I’ll decide from there.”

7:19am

It was still fairly early in the morning when you and Sunghoon arrived at the hospital. The parking lot was packed with cars and trucks positioned haphazardly in every which way. After finding a decent parking spot, you two made your way into the clinic, large sliding doors closing swiftly behind you.

Immediately, you were met with the sounds of the intercom, murmuring codes and directions from the ceiling speakers. Nurses dressed in pastel shrubs paced hastily up and down the hallways, greeting the two of you with simple yet friendly nods. “Good morning,” one of them would say, but you only waved back.

Eventually, Sunghoon's gaze fixed on the waiting room, guiding your steps as he held your hand. The row of chairs sat frail elderly citizens, runny-nosed children, and other eager patients waiting to be treated. You and Sunghoon found an idle loveseat located near a window next to the noisy air conditioner. You sat closely together, trying to absorb any warmth emitting from your shivering bodies. "How're you feeling?" He asked, toying with a loose thread hanging from your top.

"Nervous,” you admitted, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Don't be," Sunghoon whispered back to you.

That's when a tall man with round spectacles entered the waiting room, earning desperate looks from every person seated in the stuffy square.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Lee, but feel free to call me Heeseung."

Sunghoon left your side, standing up to meet the doctor before giving him a firm handshake. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Lee. My name is Sunghoon Park, and this is my girlfriend, ____."

'There's no way in hell he just called me his girlfriend,' you thought to yourself.

"It's a pleasure to treat you two today," he smiled while adjusted the glasses over his bottom nose, flipping through sheets of paperwork on his clipboard. "Let's see, you scheduled an appointment over the phone for an HCG blood test at 7:30 sharp... Okay! Everything looks great. You two can follow me to my office and I'll be with you shortly."

Heeseung started walking before either of you could respond, your legs mirroring his fast pace as he made his was around the maze of a hospital.

You were present physically, yet your mind was stuck on the image of Dr. Lee's face that stained your mind. He looked relatively young to be a doctor, with the attitude of a preschool teacher, full of glee and optimism. Your first impression of him was odd, though, at the same time, admirable.

Heeseung closed the office door behind you, directing with a simple hand gesture where you and Sunghoon could sit. He flicked on a light before taking a seat himself in a rolling chair, holding the clipboard and pen as if it was a color pallet and paintbrush.

"Okay, so I read something on your report about a previous drugstore pregnancy test?"

"Yes, she took two at home and they both came back positive."

"Awesome! Though, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be 100% sure, which is why we'll be sampling her urine today."

Oh, God.

"Estimate how long ago you suspected to be carrying."

"About two weeks ago,” Sunghoon answered.

"Mhm, and when was your last menstrual cycle?"

A temporary silence filled the room’s air.

"____?" Sunghoon rested a hand on your lap, snatching you from your thoughts.

"Erm, around 6 weeks ago. Sorry."

"It's alright, love. Appointments like this tend to be daunting for women your age. Anyways, if you are pregnant, a dating ultrasound is something you can look into. It helps us determine the precise size of an embryo, if that sounds interesting at all. From the sounds of it though, you're around 12 or so weeks."

Heeseung proceeded to fill the sheet of paper with neat cursive notes down, taking a sip from the Starbucks coffee that sat on his desk, the warm liquid slightly fogging up his glasses.

"Okay, so I have this fun little deer themed folder here, and this is where I'm going to store any notes or important information you provide. I’ll make a copy for myself so you can take this one with you when visiting other medical professionals. What sort of symptoms have you been experiencing, love?”

You looked up to the ceiling in thought, "Uhm, morning sickness has been a major one. I’ve also experienced some abdominal cramps."

"Hmm, I see. Ovary aches are entirely normal during the first weeks of pregnancy, and often follow a mother into her later months."

Simultaneously, your mind both appreciated and stressed over the information overload you were experiencing at this moment.

You understood that Dr. Lee was only trying to equip you with the best information and service possible, but you still couldn’t shake the nerves.

"How often are you and your partner intimate in the bedroom?"

Your heart sank at his question, the word “intimate” being quite far from what occurred between you and Sunghoon, and it rarely took place in a bedroom.

”I’m sorry, what?" Sunghoon asked, also in disbelief.

"How regularly do you and ____ have sex?"

You could feel yourself sweating now.

"Uh-”

"A few times a week,” Sunghoon answered for you again.

You felt so dirty after hearing him say that, it probably showed all over your face.

"And none of you have a history with STI’s or related diseases, correct?"

"Yes. I was her first and I got tested before we tried anything."

What a stupid lie.

Heeseung gathered the notes he made, tucking them into the deer folder. Returning to the clipboard, he flipped to a colorful page, looking up to meet your eyes.

"This is a mental health check sheet. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and it’s imperative that you answer every single one honestly. Can you promise me that, Miss ____?"

You looked to Sunghoon for permission, and he nodded back to you. "Yes, Dr. Lee, I promise.”

"Awesome! On a scale from strongly agree to strongly disagree, you often experience feelings of anxiety."

"Strongly agree."

"Depression?"

"Agree."

"Calmness?"

"Somewhat disagree."

"Feelings of fear?"

"Strongly agree."

"Suicidal thoughts-"

"I think I've had enough of your silly questions!" Sunghoon interrupted, your body flinching at his sudden raise in vocal tone.

"I’m just proceeding with protocol, sir. I’m not trying to step on your anyone’s toes here. Nice shoes, by the way," the doctor joked, trying to lighten the mood, but Sunghoon wasn't having it.

"She's perfectly fine. Right, ____?” He asked, shaking your shoulder, “Aren't you happy?"

You felt your palms grow clammy, afraid of how Sunghoon might blow up on you for saying the wrong thing, so you kept quite.

"____, is your boyfriend making you feel uncomfortable?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Heeseung ignored him and continued counseling you, "It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious while answering such personal questions in front of your partner."

"Oh please," Sunghoon interjected.

Heeseung stood up from his rolling chair, standing a few inches above Sunghoon.

"Can you step out of the room for a bit? I’m trying to assess my patient and you're hindering the process. Considering my tight work schedule, I can’t afford to waste my time going back and forth with you."

"Sunghoon," you pleaded from your seat, giving his balled fist a gentle squeeze.

He responded by grabbing your wrist, dragging you from Dr. Lee's office.

"What," he spat harshly, tightening his lips as he pinned you to the now closed door.

"Your temper will only lead to trouble if you stay. I think its best that you step out for a bit while we finish."

His gaze fell to the floor as he considered your idea.

"Fine. I’ll be waiting for you in the car at the same parking spot. You have exactly thirty minutes to finish up with him, or else I’m gonna make sure you’re pregnant once we get back home, understood?” he asked in a low voice, sending shivers down your spine.

“I understand, Sunghoon,” you complied, afraid to meet his eyes.

He stormed off in the opposite direction, leaving you to sort things out with the doctor.

Considering your limited time frame, you rushed into Heeseung’s office, apologizing for Sunghoon’s behavior.

“How soon will results for a urinalysis come back?”

“Normally, no longer than five minutes,” he said, handing you an empty cup. “Take your time, love.”

The excitement you felt from knowing that peeing in a cup could save your ass was strange, yet enjoyable nonetheless. You returned the yellow sample to Dr. Lee, earning your third and final pregnancy confirmation within four minutes.

"Congratulations," Heeseung cheered, holding a bowl of colorful stickers for you to choose from. "I will be your general healthcare provider for the duration of your pregnancy unless any changes are made. I’m available during the week if you need anything, but expect to hear from me weekly,” he smiled as you fished through the stickers. “Don’t stress, just pick one intuitively.”

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes befofe pulling out an oddly shaped piece of paper. “A snowflake,” you beemed softly, taking in the glittery periwinkle accents that made up the image.

“It’s been twenty minutes, Miss ____. I’m afraid your boyfriend is waiting on you.”

Your smile faltered, “What did you just say?”

“I said I look forward to treating you again. Have a blessed day, now.”

“R-right, uhm, you too,” you waved, tucking the sticker into your pocket before traveling down a few elevators, making your way to the parking lot. You could see Sunghoon still sitting in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel as he awaited your return.

You sat beside him in the passenger’s seat, remembering to buckle up your seatbelt this time.

“How’d everything go?” He asked nonchalantly, immediately turning on the car ignition.

Pulling out of the parking spot, he made his way around the hospital, cruising down the interstate.

“I’m pregnant.”

➠ tuesday

6:53pm

The sound of Sunghoon's heavy footsteps from behind the basement door broke the little concentration you held while thinking. He unlocked the basement door and entered the still atmosphere, making his way over to where you were sitting. Placing a navy blue suede box on the table, he took a seat beside you.

“What’s this," you asked curiously, eyes trained on the dainty object.

“Just open it," he urged, fidgeting with his fingers.

He wasn't nervous. Was he?

You wasted no time reaching for the navy blue chest, flipping its golden latch open to reveal a shiny silver ring with the most dazzling violet stone at its center. Gold details encased the gem like protective roots of a tree.

You examined the ring further, noticing the name “Park” carved in hangul at its underside.

“Sunghoon-"

“It was my grandmother’s,” he began, stopping you mid sentence. He took the ring from your grasp and slid it down your wedding finger.

So many thoughts were running through your brain now. It was a tragedy how Sunghoon could switch from a complete monster to one of the most gentle creatures you've ever known during moments like this.

"It's beautiful," you admitted with a shaky voice.

He smiled. “You really think so?”

“Mhm,” you barely nodded, tears beginning to form in your eyes. You knew where Sunghoon was going with this, what he was going to ask you, and what your answer should be unless you wanted your tongue ripped from your throat. Sunghoon’s gesture likely arose for reason of you carrying his child. Though, you weren’t oblivious to his growing possessiveness of you. The crooked romance.

He took your hand in his and got on one knee, kissing your cold knuckles. He met your eyes, sporting a look on his face that you couldn’t quite read as you'd never seen his features so sickeningly soft.

“____, will you marry me?”

You fell to your knees at the question, even though you already knew it was coming. Meeting him on the ground, you fell into his arms, crying into the crook of his neck. The now familiar scent of him met your nostrils as your tears dampened his shirt.

Fuck, you could hardly pull yourself together.

Sunghoon smoothed the nerves of your back with the warmth of his hand, trying to calm you down. "Shh," he cooed, patting your head.

“I’m gonna need an answer soon, ____.”

Why wasn’t he forcing you into submission all of a sudden?

You broke from his embrace, wiping the tears that fell from your eyes. His hand was still busy running over your skin, trying his best to soothe you.

Placing your hands on his shoulders, you looked him earnestly in the face, taking what felt like the deepest breath of your life. You knew it was for the best. You knew you couldn't say 'no.'

“I’ll marry you, Sunghoon.”

The tension in his body disappeared out of relief. He took your chin in his hand, kissing you on the lips this time, eyes fluttering at the pure bliss your taste brought him.

“Thank you, ____,” he smiled softly, “I’ll try my hardest to make you love me.”

꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…

“She’s pretty for nothing with a personality denser than a brick,” Kazuha whispered, taking a bite of her burrito.

“Too bad her baby daddy’s six feet underground. I guess that means child support isn’t an option anymore,” Maddison added, feigning a pout.

“As if her spoiled rich ass would need it anyway,” Kazuha went on, wiping some sauce from the corner of her mouth.

“Wanna trade lunches? I’ve got tuna on wheat with French fries," you chirped in between the two gossiping girls.

“Hell no! I’m keeping my chicken wrap, girly. Enjoy your canned fish.”

“Oh God, here she comes,” Maddison said with a mischievous grin, eyeing Wonyoung as she walked through the cafeteria.

“Do you think her skirt is way too high or is it just her long as fuck giraffe legs?” Kazuha asked facetiously.

“I’m surprised she got past the school entrance with that on,” you observed, taking a sip from your water bottle.

“Hell, if I had a brother that looked like Sunghoon, I’d totally be down for incest,” Maddison shamelessly admitted.

“That was so random, get some help, chick,” you laughed, nudging her shoulder.

“Ugh, fuck, yes! Yes! Just like that, don’t stop. Mmm, feels so fucking good! Nghh, I’m gonna cum,” Kazuha performed with screwed eyebrows as Wonyoung sat down a few tables across from you and your friends. "Was that convincing enough, Wonnie?" Maddison poked, grabbing a handful of your fries before launching them in her direction. Salt remnants from the fried snack decorated Wonyoung’s coal black hair. She hid behind her bangs, terribly embarrassed from all the harassment. “Aww, looks like she’s shy with the lights on, ladies!”

Wonyoung got up from her seat with haste, walking towards the cafeteria exit as she carried the lunch tray with such a grip that her knuckles turned pink.

“Oh, you want us to meet you in the bathroom? Such a dirty girl,” Maddison cackled.

Those were some of the same sounds that kept Wonyoung awake at night.

“How’s your brother doing?” You asked, redirecting her attention on you.

“Why?” Maddison inquired back, sounding offended by your question.

“Dunno. Just thought I should ask.”

She took a deep breath before answering, “Max’s condition isn’t really improving yet, but the doctors are doing everything they can to help him get better.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you and Kazuha said in unison.

“Don’t be. Being sorry is for homos, anyways.”

➠ monday -❆- present, one week later

9:30am

The hospital soon became a sweet place to you, an appreciated break from the basement you typically spent your days in.

Dr. Lee clarified the difficulties of distinguishing a baby’s gender as early as 13 weeks, but Sunghoon was desperate, scheduling you for a dating ultrasound.

Sunghoon wouldn't accompany you at the clinic today, due to academic obligations. In spite of his personal vendetta against you, he seemed genuinely serious about this new chapter in his life.

After stopping for breakfast at Café Royale, Sunghoon dropped you off at the hospital around 10 am, leaving for his first class of the day.

You made your way to the hospital’s fifth floor, greeting all of the friendly nurse faces that you'd grown to be more familiar with over the past week. There was a slight delay before Dr. Lee called you into his office.

"Good morning, Miss ____. Got any good rest last night," he asked, flipping through random sheets of paper on his famous clipboard.

"Morning, Heeseung. I don't work long shifts like you all week, so I really can't complain." Something about your comment made him smile.

"Oh, so I'm 'Heeseung' now? Or is that only when your boyfriend's not around?"

"Uh, it's not like that," you stammered.

"Relax, I was only teasing. You can take a seat on the metal bed for me and I'll be right with you," he said, rolling up his long sleeve turtleneck before slipping on a pair of blue latex gloves. "Alright, let's see what we have here," he began, sliding over in his rolling chair. He pulled your shirt over your stomach, massaging a clear gel against your lower abdomen.

"If I'm being honest, you seem nervous. Is everything okay, love?"

"Yeah, just a little anxious," you admitted, thinking about how desperately Sunghoon wanted a daughter, and the 50/50 chance he had at getting one.

"Well, I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Your recent blood work looks good, the baby glow is kicking in...you're in a good place, Miss ____."

"Ow," you winced at the pressure he applied to your stomach.

"Your baby bump is hardly noticeable, I'm surprised you felt anything, but discomfort is normal" he pointed out. "Everything feels great. He's gonna be a healthy fellow.”

“Or she," you blurted out.

"Of course. A little princess would bring all the more joy to you and Mr. Park's life... oh," he paused, running a finger over the scar above your navel.

“Was that from an impulsive high school belly button ring,” he laughed to himself, going to grab the x-ray handcamera. The memory of Sunghoon poking you with the knife reminisced in your mind. Shaking it off, you tried redirecting your mind on a different topic. “Not exactly,” you admitted, “I don’t think it’s best that you treat me anymore.”

Heeseung gave you an offended look through his glasses, temporarily retreating the x-ray from your stomach.

“What? Am I being too rough? I can be gentle, I swear! Or was it my dad jokes?”

You wanted to tell him the truth, tell him that Sunghoon was a psychopath who’d kill anyone he deemed a potential threat to his love. Deep down, you had feelings for Heeseung, and the sooner you cut off contact with him, the better. Not wanting to be responsible for taking away his smile, you came up with an excuse.

“I don’t wanna make anyone jealous.”

“Jealous? Who, Mr. Park? I mean, your boyfriend?”

The word 'boyfriend' floated around in your mind. What a horrendous word to describe your relationship with Sunghoon. You could hardly get over the fact that he was your fiancé.

A look waved over your features that led Heeseung to believe guess was right.

"Well, I'll finish up the ultrasound and give you a dvd copy of the footage for you and Sunghoon to watch at home."

"Home." All of this was becoming too much for you to handle right now.

“I know what it's like to deal with a paranoid partner, ____. I won’t persuade you to follow anything but your first mind.”

“Thank you for understanding, Heeseung,” you said as he ran the camera over your stomach, the mirrored TV showing the blurry scan of your uterus. "I'm just doing my job," he smiled, analyzing the screen with a finger. “It’s a girl,” he pointed as you tried to discern the image.

Pushing himself from the metal bed, he removed his gloves, grabbing two large disinfectant wipes from his desk, one for your stomach, and the other for the x-ray camera.

“I’ll send Mr. Park the credentials and office number of your new health provider after I sort some things out with another professional. You should expect to receive the necessary information by tomorrow evening.”

You took in all that he said, almost feeling like you made the wrong decision. Doctor visits wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable without Heeseung being there. Getting up from the metal bed, you tossed your purse over your shoulder, looking him in the eyes.

“I’ll see you next time,” you smiled, heading to the door. That was all it took for him to know that you didn’t actually want to stop seeing him.

“Oh, and ____?”

You turned, a happy smile displayed upon his face. He was so close to perfect, you could cry.

“It would make me, your baby, and the entire clinical staff exceedingly happy if you went home and ate a steak. Doctors orders and what not.”

A moment of silence filled the air before you laughed at his request, feelings a sense of joy dance in your stomach. A joy that Sunghoon tried so desperately to take from you.

"Alright, Dr. Lee. I won't let you down!" You replied, closing his office door.

Fabulous, now you have a crush on your doctor while secretly engaged to a ex ghost face killer who’s daughter you’re carrying.

➠ friday, a few days later

10:47pm

This was Sunghoon's very first time at a bar, and likely one of his last. Cosmetically, the establishment was a fan favorite, reeling in patrons on a hook of visual appeal. The menu offered a plethora of exciting drinks, ranging from vibrant fruity flavors to warm and creamy mixes. Still and all, the dreary atmosphere of the pub beckoned costumers in, lugging them into a depressive state that would linger til their hangover passed. For the lot of them, the aforementioned events would be relived again and again every Friday night after working a 9-5 job. They'd wash all their problems away with the help of a pricy drink and a few catchy songs before completely blacking out. Though, Sunghoon wasn't here for a half-decent time and cheap conversation. He was on a mission that involved a crowded environment with zero sober witnesses, a sharp knife, and the perfect victim: Maddison Dupont.

She was beautiful to say the least, with a radiant smile and cheekbones like a movie star.

Sunghoon remembered Maddison's hair being longer from when he last saw her at Wonyoung's funeral, but she cut it to her shoulders some time after, putting her natural brunette waves on full display. She wore a black leather jacker, black leather pants, and well, black leather booties. Sunghoon being the psychology major he was, had a habit of profiling people based off their appearance and body language.

'She's attractive and tall, wearing high boots with a short haircut. She wants to come off as intimidating, powerful, hence the natural makeup look. The all black get up likely alludes to hidden negative emotions, the parts of herself she wants to hide,' Sunghoon noted to himself, analyzing her from afar.

"I'll have a gin and tonic cocktail, with light ice this time," she said to the bartender, feigning an entitled persona.

"Hopefully you don't plan on ordering me around like this after my shift, Mads. You know I’m usually more dominant with women," the bartender replied, flashing her a smirk.

"Usually, huh? Is that an invitation?" She teased, using her tongue to seductively toy with a plastic straw, earning a shrug from the busy server as he prepared her cocktail.

"Depends."

She scoffed dramatically.

"Pfft. Why?"

"Because. From the looks of it, you use teeth," he replied, eyeing the way she nibbled at the tip of the straw.

"Oh c'mon! Don't be so vanilla-"

Screech.

Sunghoon pulled out a bar stool beside the talkative brunette, dragging it across the hard floor before taking a seat.

The bartender slid Maddison her drink, wiping the moisture from his hands before meeting Sunghoon's dark eyes. "Fresh face. Welcome in! What can I get for you tonight, sir?"

"Uhh, I'll start with a sample of your best whiskey and go from there," Sunghoon replied, glancing at the server's name tag: 'JAY PARK.'

"Hmm, we have the same last name," Sunghoon added, putting on a smile that Jay returned.

Maddison looked up from her cocktail, finally facing the mystery man who sat beside her. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the sight of him before a light bulb went off in her head.

"Oh. My. God. If it isn’t Sunghoon-fucking-Park live and in the flesh. Please tell me you remember who I am," she pouted hopefully in her naturally raspy voice.

Maddison was always a fast talker, her friendly smile and youthful nature often winning her a sense of popularity and close companionship. It’s one of the main reasons why Sunghoon was here tonight. Despite Kazuha’s venomous tendencies, Maddison was the head “mean girl” back when Wonyoung was in high school. The primary instigator and initiator of every wrongdoing that his little sister endured up until her passing. For Sunghoon, letting Maddison live after everything that happened wasn’t an option. He decided to retire his ghost face attire after Kazuha, as it was only gonna get in the way of fulfilling his mission smoothly. After talking to a few of her colleagues, it was easy to determine Maddison’s precise whereabouts on a typical Friday night like this.

"Yeah, you went to high school with my sister. I could never forget that."

"I- I don't even know where to start! Uhm, you can call me Mads," she smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. Her breath hitched at the mere contact with his skin, sending a rush of nerves through her stomach. Or maybe it was the shots from earlier starting to kick in?

"Wow, I never thought you could get more handsome! It’s crazy how time flies, you know? Gosh, I used to have the biggest crush on you back then. Wonyoung hated me for it.”

I’m sure that wasn’t the only thing she hated you for, he thought to himself.

“Wait- I’m being rude! How've you been these days? It's been forever!"

Jay rolled his eyes at Maddison's gawking, his cheerful serving demeanor faltering in the presence of Sunghoon. It was barely two minutes ago that she was seducing Jay with a straw of all things, and now, the chances of him and her hanging out later were slim to none. He placed the bottle of whiskey back in its respective place on the alcohol shelf behind him, handing Sunghoon a short glass of the sample he'd ordered.

"I've been good, thanks for asking. College is kicking my ass at the moment, but there's this one girl who's been keeping me company. A sweet distraction, if you will."

He lifted the cup to his lips, taking a thick sip of the bronze drink before letting the flavors meddle on his tongue. It was an aromatic blend with notes of French vanilla, cinnamon, and hazelnut.

"What do you think," Jay asked, searching Sunghoon's features for any clue.

"It's delicious! I'll let you know if I need anything else."

"Of course," Jay bowed before busying himself with other costumers. That was better than watching Maddison ogle over Sunghoon Park for the next hour.

She noted that Sunghoon mentioned another girl, so she toned down her excitement.

"So, are you in school, too?"

"Nope. I forfeited all my scholarships after Max passed. I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. Not without my twin," she paused, swallowing the lump in her throat before continuing.

"Now I work at a call center during the week and every Sunday, I volunteer as a tour guide for the city.”

Sunghoon simply nodded in response, the memory of murdering Max reliving itself behind his dark eyes. He wondered if Maddison's screams would sound anything like Max's did. They both had pretty big mouths, after all.

"I get where you're coming from. Sorry for your loss, Max was a good guy," Sunghoon said, forcing an empathetic expression upon his face.

"No worries, hun. We both know what its like to lose someone we shared the biggest part of ourselves with. The person we loved most," she replied, picking up her drink and holding it in the air. "A toast. To staying strong and treading on after all of life’s fucked up happenings," she added, showcasing her striking blue eyes.

"To surviving! Cheers," Sunghoon smiled, returning the gesture.

Clink.

Their glass cups collided, taking the final sip of their drinks in unison.

Sunghoon placed the empty glass on the countertop, tucking a one hundred dollar bill under the coaster before getting up from his seat.

"I'm gonna head outside for a bit," he said, walking toward the bar exit, disappearing into the black of the night.

Maddison placed a twenty under her drink, glancing at the exit before getting up from her seat.

Jay reached over the counter and grabbed her hand, eagerly trying to get her attention now.

She turned to face him, giving him an impatient look.

"Mads, you're not gonna go anywhere with him, are you?"

"Oh, please. Don't be so jealous-"

"I'm not being jealous. I’m looking out for you," Jay clarified, his voice sounding more serious.

"Just promise me you'll be careful."

"Jay."

"Promise me, Maddison!" Jay half-yelled in desperation.

She sighed, leaning over the bar and looking him I the eyes.

"I promise," she smiled softly, kissing the birthmark on his neck, causing his grip on her hand to loosen before completely letting go.

"And thank you, Jay. For everything! The cocktail was lovely," she added, giving him a playful high five.

“Any time, Maddie. See you around,” he replied, trying to mask the growing blush on his cheeks with coolness.

“See ya,” she waved, heading out of the bar to meet Sunghoon.

It didn't take long for her to spot him, standing beside his shiny black car. The sound of her boots hitting the damp pavement echoed through the parking lot, gracing Sunghoon’s keen ears.

Bingo.

"Nice car," she complimented, running a hand through her brown locks. Sunghoon didn't respond, simply unlocking the car and getting in the driver’s seat. His window's were rolled down, compelling Maddison to go against the very thing Jay just asked her not to do. Peering at him from where she stood, she placed her hands on her hips, voicing her request.

"Would it be too much if I asked you to take me on a joyride?"

11:19pm

Sunghoon was getting used to chauffeuring around naive young women after hours. He happily obliged to Maddison's foolish petition, as we both know he had other plans for her tonight.

“You’re not some kind of serial killer, right?” Maddison asked, about three minutes into the ride.

"Would you chicken out if I said yes?" Sunghoon teased her, gripping onto the steering wheel.

"You're cheeky."

"And you're playing a dangerous game with your life, young lady."

“Tell me about it,” Maddison replied nonchalantly, digging into her jacket pocket before pulling out a tiny cardboard box.

Click.

A warm light flickered beside him.

Click.

The sound of a hot flame against a dry object hit his ears.

Sunghoon finally looked away from the road to find that the source of the clicking was coming from the purple pocket lighter Maddison held in her hand, desperately trying to light a fresh cigarette.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sunghoon asked in disgust.

“Roll down a window or something,” she replied without meeting his eyes, inhaling the hot fog before blowing it past her plump lips.

“I don’t care if you wanna punish your lungs for keeping you alive everyday! Just don’t smoke in my fucking car!” Sunghoon reprimanded her through gritted teeth. He didn’t mean to raise his voice at her, but the anger was starting to override his composure.

“Has anyone ever told you how hot you get when you’re bossy?” Maddison joked, giving his tense thigh a playful squeeze.

Oh, the way Jay would cry just to hear her say that.

She stared out the window again, her thick brown waves following her movements.

“Would it kill you to respect my vehicle?”

All she did was snicker in response, a clicking noise filling the air as she toyed with purple pocket lighter once again.

She took a moment to yawn, reclining her jaw before answering. “Hmm. Probably not, but I don’t really care to find out, anyways.”

Click.

The tip of the cigarette burned red as she focused intensely on the simple action of lighting it.

Sunghoon looked from the road, eyes burning with rage as she put the cigar between her dry lips, inhaling yet another puff of toxins into her body.

Stretching her neck up, she blew the smelly cloud against the ceiling, staining the roof of his car and fogging out the windows.

He snatched the hot stick from her grasp, her head springing up immediately, eyeing him lustfully. “So we’re getting handsy now, I see. How would your girl feel about thi-“

Sunghoon shoved the red hot end of the cigar into her neck, sizzling her pale skin to a burnt hue.

“Ahh! You crazy bastard,” she yelped in shock, using her arm to push him away from her, but he had already parked somewhere in the forest, exiting the car with a harsh slam of his door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going,” she yelled out for him, stammering from the vehicle with unstable steps.

She was way more drunk than she would’ve liked to admit, explaining her strange change in behavior.

By now, Sunghoon was walking into his log cabin, waiting patiently at the kitchen dining table for her to come out looking for him.

A kitchen knife sat idly on his lap as he gripped its handle in his right hand.

Maddison observed the cabin before running in, following the trail of dirt his shoes left behind him. Whipping around the kitchen corner, she spotted him at the table, laughing at a thought in her head. “Are you gonna declare a thumb war or something,” she cackled, not sure as to why Sunghoon ran to the kitchen of all places. She went to touch her neck, flinching at the sore he burned on her, reminding her why she chased after him in the first place. All he did was sit and stare at her, maintaining deadly eye contact. Maddison was far from intimidated, walking towards him with a dumb smirk on her face.

“You’re a freak, y’know that Sunghoon?” She spat, shaking her head again. “An empty-hearted spoiled freak!” She landed a harsh sting across his cheek, her own hand hurting from the act. Her chest heaved, trying to catch her breath from the minor exertion of energy. Her lack of sobriety was really taking a toll on her physically.

Screech.

Sunghoon pushed himself away from the table, standing up a few inches over her with the knife in his hand.

She simply glared at the weapon, chuckling to herself again.

“Is that supposed to scare me, little boy?”

He tilted his head at her ignorance, mirroring the smirk that rest upon her features. Playing with the tip of the knife, Sunghoon closed the space between her and him to the point where they were only a mere kiss apart.

“Hmm. Probably not, but I don’t really care to find out, anyways.”

The knife cut through her stomach like butter as she hurled over his hand, widening her eyes at the intense pain. He shoved the knife even further, causing a weak whimper to fall from her mouth. Guttural coughs filled the atmosphere as blood trickling down his hands from how closely the blade impaled her. Sunghoon pouted facetiously at how pathetic she appeared in front of him.

Releasing herself from the blade, she senselessly tried to run away. Though, Sunghoon could keep up with her hindered pace just by walking.

“Get the hell away from me!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, the cigarette and lighter falling from her jacket pocket.

She made her way outside to the front porch, taking a seat against the closest tree she could get to before her strength ran out. Sunghoon soon met her outside, holding a jug of gasoline in one hand, and her purple lighter in the other.

She looked up from the puddle of blood she was creating on the grass, shaking her head in misery at the sight of this deranged Sunghoon.

“Please, don’t do this to me,” she sobbed, black tear marks from her eyeliner staining her cheeks.

Splash.

The pungent odor of the gasoline burned her nostrils as the cold substance leaked from her head to her lap.

“Oh my God,” she sniffled, squirming under his dark shadow.

Click.

“Speaking of, maybe God can roll down a window for you. Or… something,” he shrugged, tossing the lighter onto her lap as flames engulfed her entire body, the sounds and smells of death disturbing the tranquil forest air.

“Hmm, turns out her and Max do have the same screams.”

Maddison died within a few minutes, but her body continued to burn for the next hour or two. Sunghoon would eventually bury her corpse that morning once it cooled down, only to wash away the scent of smoke, blood, and any other trace of her for the remainder of his day. Afterwards, he would figure out what to do about his smoke show of a car.

What a lovely way to spend one’s weekend off.

➠ sunday

“I saw Maddison at the bar the other night.”

Your heart jumped at the name of your friend from high school. She went totally radio silent after her brother passed away. You remember her giving up sports and even college because of how broken she was after everything. You couldn't help but wonder how her life was turning out so far.

“Really?" You inquired eagerly. "What'd she say? How is she?”

“Dead,” he smiled sinisterly before sitting behind you, caging you between his long legs as he massaged your scalp.

You could feel your hands start to shake with a mix of different emotions, none of which being positive.

He really did it again.

“You said you wouldn’t kill anymore people.”

“She was the last person on my hit list, ____, and you know I have my reasons. Just be lucky that your relatives are still in the picture.”

You wouldn't put it past Sunghoon to hurt your family. He was a cold blooded killer and murder was like second nature to him.

“It’ll never stop with you. You'll never stop hurting people. You can't."

“Relax your mind, princess, stress isn’t good for the baby.”

“Neither is a deranged psycho killer for a father who keeps mommy locked up in a basement for days at a time, but what do I know? At least parent career day's at school will be interesting,” you thought to yourself.

Ahhh!

Sunghoon balled a handful of your hair in one fist at each side of your head, aggressively tugging at the strands.

You just realized that you said that out loud.

He pulled tighter as you held in your groans, forcing choked whines to spill from your lips.

“S- Sunghoon! Let go!” You whimpered, reaching for his feral grip on your hair with desperate hands.

He twitched in his pants at the agonizing sounds you made. He never understood why he found a terrorized you so arousing.

You felt your bottom lift from the ground before plopping back down with a loud thud, your scalp stinging with hot pain. Surely you had a few bald spots now.

“Massage time’s over,” Sunghoon growled before finally releasing his tantalizing grip from your hair, only for him to pin your wrists to the cold wooden floor. The look in his eyes was enough to have you scared shitless.

“I’ll show you just how deranged I am.”

He flipped you on your stomach, pulling your hips towards his bulge. Linking his fingers at the waistband of your underwear, he pulled your bottoms down to your knees, followed by his own.

He pried your legs open, revealing a string of wetness coating your swollen lips. He almost drooled at the sight, lining his tip at your throbbing hole before shoving himself in. He started to pump you from behind, squelching noises filling the rooms humid air. Tears started to pour over your eyelids, hitting the cold floor like raindrops. Sunghoon wanted to savor every ripple that made up your heat, but his desire to come caused him to thrust at an extreme pace, wobbly moans escaping your mouth. Your face was now flesh against the flood, his rough palm pushing into your cheek as you bounced against his pelvis, swallowing his cock. He leaned down, sticking the middle and index finger of his free hand into your mouth.

“Suck it,” he ordered, and you did, parting your mouth for him as your warm saliva coated his fingers. “Harder than that, princess,” he encouraged you, tightening your lips around his digits. You were started to feel dizzy from all the different sensations.

“Fuck” he grunted, flipping you on your back before pumping into you again at the same pace. He traced a tear that fell down your cheek with his tongue, leaning closer to whisper in your ear.

“Kiss me,” he nearly begged, grabbing at your jaw. You shook your head beneath him, pleading with your eyes for all of this to stop.

Slap.

You winced at the sting, a choked sob slipping past your lips. He forced your lips open with his hand, spitting in your mouth before dominating your tongue with his own, a string of saliva webbing from your lips to his as he broke from the sloppy kiss. You whimpered at his act, vision becoming blurry from the tears clouding your eyes. You reached up a hand to cover your sobs, the sounds being too gruesome even for your own ears.

“Don’t be shy, baby, I wanna hear how badly you want this, how good I’m making you feel.”

Your started to feel numb from all of his thrusting, regretfully clenching around him.

“So fucking good, baby,” he cooed, moving his hand down to stimulate your throbbing clit. He maneuvered the pallets of his fingers in circular motions against your sensitive spot, causing you to moan loudly.

“Look at you? Losing your mind all over my cock,” he leaned down, biting into your shoulder. “Come for me, yeah?”

You cried at the sharpness, arching your back. He was beyond delusional.

“That’s not an answer, baby.”

“F- fuck, Sunghoon, I can't t-take this anymore, just shut up” you whimpered, tears wetting the back of your head.

He held your knees at an angle, grinding into you like his life depended on it. You could tell that he was close because of how his thrusts quickened. You dreaded that you could feel your own climax taking over you, as your body tensed up before you came all over his dick. Shortly after, he painted your walls with warm spurts of his pearly release. Slowing down his movements, he ran his palms over your legs, trying to ease your shaking from the overstimulation. He kissed your lips one last time before pulling out, readjusting your clothes first before fixing his own. He lay down beside you, cradling your exhausted body in his arms before drifting off to sleep.

➠ tuesday

You’ve been living with Sunghoon for the past three months, and he was never one to feed you according to nutritional values. You weren’t sure if it was a part of punishment or simply a lack of consideration, but your daily diet was limited to canned foods or broth. So when you told Sunghoon that Dr. Lee advised you to incorporate more steak into your diet, he wasn’t too fond of listening.

Instead, he’d get dressed in hunting apparel, losing himself for the next hour before bringing you a slab of mystery meat that he wouldn’t even eat with you. He’d just rest it on your plate with a drizzle of olive oil, and tell you to ‘eat up.’

“I appreciate your gesture, Sunghoon, but I can’t help to ask what you killed for this?”

Sometimes, talking to him was like walking on egg shells. He always wore the same blank face, so you never knew if your words would earn you a harsh slap or kiss on the lips. You tried your best to season every sentence you spoke to him with propriety and respect. It was one of the only ways you knew to protect yourself.

He’d conceal the growing mischief that wanted to show as a smile on his face, simply pacing around the kitchen with his hands behind his back.

“Only the forest’s finest for my mother with child,” he teased.

“Sunghoon,” you pressed, not being in the mood for his sarcasm.

“I’ll tell you once you finish it. All of it. Now hurry before it gets cold,” he warned, taking a seat across from you.

The kitchen fell silent as you used a fork and knife to divide the meat into small bites. The taste was gamey, and rather tough in texture, but you commended Sunghoon on seasoning it well.

He stared intently at your every movement as if anticipating something.

You were about half way done when he stood up from the table, walking towards the kitchen pantry.

Sunghoon grinned to himself, reaching his arm into the closet and pulling out a female’s dead body from behind the door.

“She’s a little past her expiration date, but I’m sure she tasted splendid nonetheless,” he quirked, flashing you a grin so devilish that his fangs showed.

You looked down at your plate and noticed a strand of wavy brown hair sticking from under the meat.

Oh my God.

“Maybe we could start selling “prime Maddison” at the market! Talk about a limited time offer!” Sunghoon laughed as if their was an audience. Meanwhile you were on the verge of vomitting.

Sunghoon was gripping Maddison’s corpse by a handful of her hair, a few of her once beautiful teeth missing from her swollen black gums. He punched her skull in the face, using the hair as a way to maneuver his newfound punching bag, chunks of decay flying from his knuckles. You assumed he got bored of that as he dropped her body, walking over to the windowsill before picking up a steaming pot.

“Bone appétit,” he chimed, pouring the contents of the hot pot into a small bowl for you. Human teeth were swimming in the mixture, with what appeared to be a few toes in there, too.

“Eat it!” Sunghoon ordered, beating on the table with death stained fists. Tears poured from your eyes like waterfalls as he screamed his lungs out, spit flying from his agressive commands.

Growing impatient, he walked around the table, grabbing you by the throat.

“I said eat it, you stupid bitch!”

You woke up heaving for air, your clothes clinging to your body from your night sweats. You looked around, but the room was so dark that you couldn’t see anything. “Sunghoon!” You called out for him, but to no avail. You were completely alone in the basement, like you always were, but a part of you desired comforting so desperately. You wanted him to hold you close and make you feel safe.

Though, it’s hard to feel safe in the arms of someone you’re deathly afraid of.

You felt the urge to cry creeping up on you, but you decided to lay back down instead, wincing as your sore scalp sunk into the pillow.

Thankfully, this was all just a very bad dream.

꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…

Sunghoon and his figure skating group wanted to take a camping trip during their break from training. The team coach promised to finance the rest of the trip if they raised $300 organically by the following week. Wonyoung offered to help by hosting a bake sale at her school. With her free-time after class, she visited the library in search for a French patisserie recipe book. Meanwhile, Sunghoon was at the grocery store, shopping for fresh fruit, overly expensive dark chocolate, and whatever other ingredients his sister outlined on the list. She paced through the book shelves, noticing a group of jocks huddled around a table. Tuning in an ear, she eavesdropped on their conversation, continuing to analyze the book catalogs.

“Bro, I think he got her pregnant,” she heard one of the boys whisper, stopping her dead in her tracks.

“I don’t even believe he’s slept with her before,” another guy added.

“Mhm, and why’s that?”

“First of all, Sunghoon would kill him, second of all, she’s a literal child.”

“Shit, I’d sleep with her in a heartbeat. Child or not, we can do it at the playground if that makes her more comfortable," Maddison's twin brother grinned slyly.

“Gross, Max, she’s like your cousin's age."

“Jun-Hwan said something about Wonyoung practicing her moans for him?”

“Yeah, probably while he was pumping her with his baby batter. I hope she knows that’s not how you make cupcakes.”

The boys burst into laughter, earning an aggravated look from one of the librarians.

“Sorry,” Max mouthed quietly.

“Yeah, you’re gonna be. I bet Sunghoon’s already writing you punks down on his “do not admit” list,” the one with glasses retorted, getting up from the table before leaving the obnoxious group.

Wonyoung was still listening from behind the book shelf, swallowing the lump in her throat that dared to flatten into tears. She tried reminding herself of what Sunghoon would tell her everyday.

“Ignore the rumors, don’t let them take away your smile, Wonyo.”

Though, these words sat in the back of her mind as she made her way over to the jocks table, unintentionally balling her fists.

“Who told you that?” She inquired with a clenched jaw, interrupting their perverted gossip session. They looked as if they’d seen a ghost at the sight of her, completely speechless as they simply stared back. “W-what are you talking about?”

“Oh my God, just spit it out!” She yelled, not trying to keep her voice down anymore.

“Jun-Hwan did,” one of them shyly admitted, not meeting her face out of shame.

Wonyoung went to find Jun-Hwan, hoping that he would deny sharing things about her and their breakup behind her back. She knew exactly where to find her ex-boyfriend after school. It was the same place they'd usually meet to fool around: an abandoned bunker near the bleachers because Jun-Hwan hated anything too cliché.

She crawled into the bunker, finding Jun-Hwan with his tongue down some girls throat. Wonyoung didn't recognize her, but from the looks of it, she was around her age. The horny youths disconnected their lips with a wet pop at the realization of Wonyoungs presence. The girl hid her face in Jun-Hwan's shoulder while he met Wonyoung's anxious features.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true, Wonnie?”

“That you told people about us? About me?”

“God, would you slow down with all the questions? I was kind of in the middle of something here," he spat, pointing a hand at the girl who straddled him.

“Please don’t make me ask you again, Jun.”

He let out an annoyed sigh, “Okay. Fine. Yes. I told people. I don’t get why you have a problem with that, though.”

“Jun, I asked you not to tell anyone about us.”

“Yeah, when we were together. But you wanted to break up, remember?”

“You know that decision wasn’t up to me. Why’re you being so cruel all of a sudden? You could at least pretend to care about my feelings.”

“Hey, Wonyoung? Fuck off, alright? I don’t have time for your juvenile high school bullshit. Now go finish making fruit tarts with your brother or something.”

The saddened girl adjusted the backpack strap over her shoulder, wiping away the moisture that fought to escape her eyes.

“Okay,” Wonyoung whispered. “I’ll see you around, Jun-Hwan. Sorry for bothering you.” She sniffled one last time before crawling out of the bunker and beelining back home.

➠ wednesday, present

9:04am

Sunghoon dropped you off at the hospital for another check-up right before class. He gave you $50 in bills of five to last you til he came back. Still shaken from last night's events, it took you ten minutes just to work up the courage to sign-in for your appointment with Dr. Lee.

"Right this way, Miss ____. Feel free to wait in the visitor's lounge until Dr. Lee gets back. It's rare that any of our patients have visitors, so you should feel more comfortable there," the friendly nurse smiled, completely aware of your fragile emotional state. You took heed to the nurse's advice, entering the visitors lounge before taking a seat at one of the tables. You were thankful for the dim lightening of the empty space as you felt an intense panic frazzle your senses. Holding your own hands in an attempt to comfort yourself, you tried redirecting your attention on controlling your breaths. Looking down, you noticed the darkening bruises on your wrists from Sunghoon's abuse, pulling down your sleeves to cover the marks.

"____?" A concerned voice called from behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder. Your body jumped at the feeling, immediately relaxing as you turned to meet Heeseung.

You were unaware of your own tears streaming down your cheeks until Heeseung reached out to capture the droplets with the back of his hand. That's when he noticed the scuffs on your cheek from Sunghoon forcing your face into the floor, dried-up blood poking through your exposed scalp.

"Oh my God, what happened to you?" He asked, kneeling down to meet your height in the chair.

Your lips quivered into a frown as you shook your head frantically, shutting your eyes tightly at the memory:

“I’ll show you just how deranged I am.”

Before you could realize it, Heeseung was already holding you in his arms as you wailed into his shoulder. He ran a hand down your back, trying to soothe your nerves.

"Sunghoon... h-he's a monster," you confessed, telling Heeseung everything in your moment of weakness. You told him about Wonyoung, Kazuha, and Maddison. You told him about the log cabin and the things Sunghoon did to you in private. You couldn't keep hiding your pain anymore.

“____," he began with a sorrowful expression, breaking from the hug, "it’s not too late to get rid of the baby.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration, “Why the hell would you even suggest that? I have to keep her! She's my child!”

“He assaulted you, ____, and your child will have to live everyday of her life knowing that. I won't persuade you into making a decision, but either way, I will do everything in my ability to get you the help you need.”

Your gaze fell to the ground as you tried to process all of your options.

"Hey," Heeseung said, grabbing your chin to meet his face again.

"I need you to listen to me when I say that I can't just let you go. Not with Sunghoon, and not without a fight."

You stared into Heeseung's glistening eyes, kissing him in the heat of your emotions. He pulled back, looking at your desperate features before diving back in, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. You used your weight to pin him on the ground, melting into his honey-like touch as he explored your nervous skin.

Something about this moment felt different from the dark affection you'd grown used to from Sunghoon.

Heeseung felt light, energizing your entire body from the outside in. His body was warm and smelled like lilac, a new yet welcoming scent. Snaking a hand under your shirt, he fondled with your breasts as you trailed your own hand down to his bulge, palming him gently. He moaned into your mouth before you broke from the kiss, already missing the heat of his tongue against yours.

Looking down at his frame, you took in his disheveled hair, wrinkled shirt, and flushed cheeks. Retreating your hand from his hardness, you were reminded of the silver band that rested upon your ring finger.

"What is it," Heeseung asked, still trying to steady his breathing.

"I... it's...," you stuttered in a quiet voice, "Sunghoon and I are engaged.” An empty feeling washed over you at the unfortunate reality.

“Y-you...what?”

“He asked me to marry him last week, and...I said yes.”

Your confession meddled in the air for a moment, before Heeseung swore to himself, guiding you off of his lap.

“Forgive me, ____. I should've listened when you said we should stop seeing each other,” he frowned, considering how unprofessional his actions were.

Standing up from the ground, he offered a hand to lift you from the floor.

"This isn't your fault, Heeseung," you said, fixing your tussled clothes.

"None of that matters, right now, love," he replied, readjusting the collar of his shirt. "You need to figure out what you want to do about your circumstances and quick. Before it's too late."

➠ three days later, thursday

9:47pm

Sunghoon came back to the cabin later than usual. Unlocking the basement door, he broke through the staleness, hanging his jacket over one of the chairs.

“Where’ve you been?” You inquired tepidly, tucking away the origami deer you were folding into the psychology book that supplied the paper you used.

“It’s Wonyo’s birthday today, so I visited her grave on my way back," he said, walking over to meet you on the bed. "I forgot to ask the other day. How was the doctor?”

“Fine," you simply replied.

Sunghoon shook his head in disappointment before snapping like a rubber band, pulling you from the bed and pushing you against the wall.

“Remember, ____, this isn’t a get out of hell free card just because you’re carrying my child,” he hissed in between your squirms, “I will not hesitate to kill the both of you if you continue to disrespect me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” You raised your voice at him, struggling in his grip.

“You didn’t think I’d find out about you sliding second base with the cute older doctor? Huh?” He asked rhetorically, gripping at the neck of your nightgown and shaking you like a rag doll.

“Sunghoon, stop it!” You yelled this time, earning yourself a harsh slap across the face. You felt one of your teeth puncture your upper-lip from the force, a metallic taste filling your mouth.

“What’d you tell him? And don’t you dare fucking lie to me!”

Your eyes screwed shut in fear at the intensity of the situation.

Why did things always have to escalate to such extremes with him?

“TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He growled impatiently, grabbing you by the throat with veiny hands.

“The baby’s dead!”

Silence.

His grip around your neck loosened before tightening again, “Bullshit, you fucking whore!”

“I’m serious, Sunghoon,” your voice cracked, eyes burning red from the brief loss of air.

He stopped his ministrations, searching your face for any uncertainty, any clue that you were lying.

“Th-that can’t be true, ____,” he could hardly meet your eyes.

“We lost her, Sunghoon. She’s gone.”

“For the sake of my sanity, tell me you’re lying! Tell me this is all apart of your plan to escape me.”

“I’m not like you, Sunghoon."

“What're you saying,” he asked, legs feeling numb from the pure dread that tainted his blood.

“I’d never lie to you.”

He fell at his knees, pulling you down by the shoulders with him. Cradling you in his arms, he guided your head to his chest, weeping into your embrace. This was your first time seeing Sunghoon cry, his dark eyelashes soaked with tears, pouty lips falling victim to an acute trembling. If it wasn’t for his agressive heartbeat, you would’ve thought he was dying from the sounds he made. Though, to be honest, it’s like apart of him did die.

“This world just won’t let me have anything at all, will it?”

➠ friday

6:05am

“____? ____, wake up!” Sunghoon nudged your sleepy frame excitedly.

“What, what is it?” You answered with a groggy voice.

“I made you breakfast.” He said, handing you a banana.

You ignored the 'breakfast' he held in his hand, “Why?”

“I wanna go somewhere.”

“What’re you talking about? I’m stuck here, remember?”

“Just eat up so you can get dressed.”

All of this excitement was too much for you process so early in the morning. “Sunghoon, just tell me all of this is about.”

He took your hands in his, smiling wide enough for his dimples to show. “I’ll tell you after you eat and get dressed. I promise.”

You sighed. “Okay.”

Why was he acting nice all of a sudden?

7:10am

Sunghoon took you to a familiar looking spot in the woods, about forty-five minutes from his log cabin. By now, you had gotten used to being Sunghoon’s passenger princess, but you didn’t understand his reasons for wanting to take you somewhere. He parked his infamous black car along a brick trail, cutting the engine before exiting the vehicle.

“Follow me,” he smiled, leading you to a lover's picnic area. A large white sheet rested on the ground, grassy rocks holding down each corner. There was a woven basket with a bottle of wine and a few pieces of bread wrapped in knitted cloths. “Come. Sit!” He urged as you met him on the picnic mat. The sounds of morning wind rustling through tree leaves filled the air as you observed your surroundings.

“Okay, Sunghoon. I ate the monkey fuel, got dressed, and now we're here. Why?”

He chuckled at your odd sense of humor, closing the distance between you on the sheet.

“Look. I know this may sound crazy, but… I wanna try again.”

You wished you misheard him, feeing you heart skip a beat at his suggestion. “Excuse me?”

“I’m talking about a baby, ____. I want another chance.“

“Sunghoon-”

He interrupted your sentence by cupping your face in his hands. “I gave you a choice with the marriage, but this time I’m telling you.” His smile faltered into a dour expression, a greedy hand traveling up to the base of your thigh.

“I want this from you, and you’re going to give it to me.”

A nauseous sensation hit your stomach, feeling disgusted by his chronic insanity.

Grabbing a fist full of dirt, you stunned him in the eyes before taking off in the distance. At this point, you were quite seriously running for your life, a natural adrenaline carrying you across the rocky path at an intense speed.

“____!” Sunghoon called out, dusting the dirt from his eyes before chasing after you.

Your feet and heart pounded in unison with the same vigorous effort, ignoring the voice that told you to look back. You thought to hide somewhere and catch your breath, but you knew had to keep running.

You had to survive.

Following the same path that Sunghoon took to get you there, the sight of civilization encouraged you just enough to run for a few more minutes.

That’s when you spotted a red car parked near the public garden you passed on the way. You couldn’t run any longer or else your legs would give out of you, so you hid behind the seemingly vacant vehicle, only to hear the sounds of slow footsteps approaching you.

You shut your eyes, repeating a prayer to yourself over and over again.

“____," a familiar voice called out, "what’re you doing by my car? I-is everything alright?”

“Heeseung!" You yelped, jumping from your initial crouching position and subconsciously clinging to him. "You have to help me!"

“Hey, relax, alright,” he cooed, bracing your lack of balance with his hands.

“It’s Sunghoon,” you forced out in between heavy breaths, chunks of sweaty hair sticking to your forehead. “He wants another baby, and now he’s after me.”

Heeseung wasted no more time speaking before unlocking his car and hiding you on the backseat floor, getting in the driver’s seat himself.

That’s when Sunghoon came running out of the thick of the woods, still calling after you like a madman.

Observing the public garden, he rationalized with himself that you couldn’t have gotten too far beyond this area. From the outside, he appeared to have barley even broken a sweat, but his core burned with a bloodthirsty hellfire.

Narrowing his eyes, Sunghoon spotted Heeseung sitting idly in the red vehicle, parked with the window slightly rolled down.

“Hello, Mr. Park. Taking an evening jog?” Heeseung called casually at the sight of Sunghoon, trying to mask any obvious suspicion.

“More or less. It’s great to see you, Dr. Lee! How’ve you been?” Sunghoon inquired, feigning consideration.

“Good, thankfully. Though, I have work at the clinic today, so I should really get going,” he replied, rolling up the window before Sunghoon hit the tinted glass.

“Wait!” He pleaded, his inner emotions now reflecting on his sullen features.

Heeseung sighed dramatically, trying to convey urgency. “I’m really in a hurry here, Mr. Park, and I can’t risk being late.”

“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon tried.

“Did ____ actually lose the baby?”

Heeseung fell quiet for longer than Sunghoon appreciated, but he waited patiently for an answer. The kind-hearted man took his glasses off, folding them in half before setting them in the empty passengers seat. He met Sunghoon’s weakened eyes, feeling compelled to answer him honestly.

“____ didn’t lose the baby, Mr Park. She had an abortion.”

Pop.

The single thread holding back Sunghoon’s rage broke at the confession, lashing out in a kicking tantrum against Heeseung’s car. He wanted so desperately to see the crimson exterior dent from the force, but his depleting strength failed him. You could feel a new force pulsing from the front of the vehicle, rocking your body against the backseat floor. With balled fists, Sunghoon smashed the hood of Heeseung’s car, a string of curse words flying from his mouth like venomous wasps.

Heeseung fired the ignition, gripping his hands on the steering wheel. “Move out of the fucking way!” He warned, honking the horn a few times to scare him, but Sunghoon was hardly phased. He pulled out a gun, pointing it at Heeseung’s head from the behind the windshield, “Get the fuck out of the car. NOW!”

Heeseung was left with no other choice but to obey, abandoning the vehicle and getting on his knees before him.

“Do you have any idea how many people I’ve killed before? I’m sure ____ told you all about it, didn’t she?” Sunghoon asked, pacing back and forth. “The only thing is, I’ve never murdered anyone with a gun before,” he smirked sinisterly, imagining the way Heeseung’s eye balls would burst from their sockets as the bullet penetrated his skull. The frightened doctor kept quiet, afraid that saying the wrong thing or anything at all might shorten his life. Sunghoon fiddled with the tip of the weapon, “You deserve this, anyway. Slutting it up with my fiancé, taking away my child, and daring to look me in the face with that phony fucking smile.”

Screech.

You hopped in the front seat of Heeseung’s car, putting it in reverse before making eye contact with Sunghoon, hitting him straight on.

Crash.

You weren’t sure if Sunghoon’s limp body was underneath or in front of the car, but the sight of Heeseung kicking the deadly weapon a few feet away let you know that everything was gonna be alright.

You ran to hug him out of relief, several emotions taking over you. The once uproarious atmosphere fell quiet, as neither of you could think of anything to say. And frankly, there wasn’t much left to say, anyway.

The ten minutes that passed by felt like hours before the ambulance arrived at the scene, police investigator’s barricading the park with yellow tape. Upon retrieving Sunghoon’s body, the emergency team announced him to be in a state of deep unconsciousness from the collision: a coma. You were granted special visitor privileges because you were his fiancé, but you couldn’t have cared less to stay informed on the status of his well-being. The idea of him being incapable of eating on his own or even speaking for the next weeks or few months granted you an indescribable feeling of light.

Though, this was far from your story’s end.

➠ monday, two months later…

You tried to live a normal life after everything that happened. Giving up on your college dream, you picked up work at a cafe until you got used to normal again. You and Heeseung remained close friends, as the two of you shared a pretty dark part of your lives together. He also helped you overcome the nightmares you suffered from.

It went without saying that Sunghoon passed away. The part of you that still cared about him even brought flowers to his grave, but you never attended his funeral. Honestly, you doubt that anyone even arranged one for him.

Time went on, and you fell in love with your new life, still carrying scars with you that not only reminded you of a painful journey, but one that you survived.

Ding.

That was the sound of the bakery’s entry bell, letting you know that a costumer had just walked in. “Welcome to Café Royale,” you announced cheerfully out of habit, wiping crumbs from the front counter before meeting the fresh face at the register. The man stood tall with silky platinum hair, stunning eyebrows, and a killer jawline.

“Hello! How may I treat you today, sir?”

“Hmm, I’ll have an iced vanilla latte, with a sample of your classic tiramisu, if you don’t mind,” he smiled, flashing his pointy fangs.

“Of course! That’ll be 3.95, please,” you said, taking the five dollar bill he handed you. One of your employees whipped up his order in the back, passing it to you in less than a minute. You placed the plastic cup of coffee and tiramisu sample on a wooden tray, handing it to the charming costumer.

“Enjoy,” you chirped with a smile, ignoring the rush of butterflies that ran through your stomach.

“Thank you,” he replied, taking the platter and walking off. You watched as his footsteps come to a halt, turning on a heel before meeting you at the counter again.

“Do I…” he began, titling his head to take in your profile, “have we met before?”

❅ Thank you for reading @chlorinecake ‘s “Blood On Ice” Part 2! Make sure to check out more fun reads on my enhypen bookshelf!

❅ You can read part one of this series here!! 🎂

✎ ᴀ/ɴ: in no way, shape, or form does this fanfic intend to romanticize unhealthy relationships or abusive behaviors. i simply write for entertainment and creative purposes. thus, reader discretion is always advised.

taglist: @ashgonedash @nikilvr @ttokyoobv @yourmomscuntis2tighy @fightqueen @addictedtohobi @sltfohoon @lisaaannna @beomgyusonlywife @casualcloddeputyherring @calichuchies-blog @devqrasgirl @rhiannass @fanficfactoryfoxxx @lovelycassy

[crxss01]

— Rosa Pastel (2)

pairing ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ 42!miles morales x reader

summary ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ after four months of having broken up with miles an event leads you right back into his arms.

warnings ✧˖ ° gaslighting, manipulation, toxic relationship, threatening, unwanted flirting, miles is a major red flag, violence, mentioned murder, stalking.

m. list, main m. list.

translations ✧࿓☾ princesa: princess, mi angelito: my little angel, bonito: handsome/pretty boy, los mataré, entiendes?: i'll kill them, understand?

a/n . . ◟੭ here’s part one! heyy, loves! i’m sorry for the long wait, i have been busy writing other fics and with real life things!

four months.

it has been four months since you left miles and you couldn't feel anymore miserable, your entire world had revolved around him and it was like it stopped the motion the moment you broke up with him.

he hadn't tried anything to approach you or even contact you, part of it made you mad but the other part was relieved because you didn't know what you would do if miles tried to explain himself again while you were still vulnerable.

you have tried to go on multiple dates since then, but they turned out really badly since either the person was the rudest one you have ever met or stood you up. you were tired of that, what was wrong with this people? asking someone on a date just to treat them like shit, then never trying to speak with you again or not show at all.

now you were getting ready for a party, almost done with your look. you had spent most of the time stressing out on what to wear because you wanted attention but not that much attention so you had to figure out something fast.

after deciding which dress to wear you did your makeup and hair, before putting on some short heeled stilettos to finish off the look. you sighed looking at the mirror, maybe today you could forget about him for a while and focus on having fun for once.

grabbing your purse and double checking that everything you needed was inside of it, you left your house. breathing in the fresh air, you started walking to the convenience store, wanting to buy something before calling an uber.

however your plans changed when you noticed a group of men standing there drinking, smoking and looking crazy. you turned, deciding to just make your way back home and call the uber. the streets were dangerous ever since captain morales died and you didn't want to fall victim to any of this men.

"hey, sweetheart! where you going?" one of them noticed you and called out.

you cursed under your breath, squeezing your eyes together and walking faster.

"now, why are you walking so fast? huh?" the same one that had talked before had ran towards you and caught your arm in his grasp.

"please, leave me alone." now you were scared.

"and why would i do that?" he eyed you from head to toe. "aren't you a doll, wanna go back to my place?"

it sounded like a question but you knew that it wasn't. "listen, i just wanna go home."

"i can go home with you too." he laughed and the others, who you didn't notice had gotten closer, started laughing too.

five grown men surrounding you. this night couldn't get any worse. the one holding you took out a pocket knife and ran it across your face.

"let go of me!" you said, trying to keep it together and not show any fear.

"i don't think so." the man shook his head with a sick grin on his face, lifting the knife from your face and shaking it as well. "now—"

there was a loud slashing sound and suddenly the man was on the floor, blood pooling around him, four deep slashes across his back.

you knew who it was from and you didn't hesitate to run, it was hard on heels but you made it home, locking the door behind you and putting a hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs.

miles had just killed someone. right in front of you, he just killed him. you slid down the door, your hand still covering your mouth as tears fell down from your eyes.

"don't cry, mami." the voice scared you but you had no energy to jump at the sound or to start yelling at him for what he did. "that man ain't worth it."

"just leave me alone, please..." you managed to say.

"what if someone tries to break in?" miles asked, kneeling in front of you. "what if you get harassed again? won't you want me there for you? to protect you?"

you finally looked over at him, a claw was laying beside him, covered in blood and his suit had some fresh blood on it.

"you killed them all?" you asked.

"of course i did," he nodded with a sweet smile, making him appear so innocent. "one laid his hands on you while the others just watched. they all deserved what they got."

"you killed them."

"yes, and i would do it again to protect you."

"miles, you killed." you took a shaky breath. "because of me."

"no, princesa." he shook his head. "i killed for you. there is a difference."

"what difference?" you asked angrily. "it's all the same. for me, because of me. it's my fault they died."

"no, it's their fault for messing with what's mine." miles corrected. "i was just protecting you, princesa. if i had let them live they could have attacked you again or another person."

you thought about this, he was right. "they could've attacked another person." you repeated and nodded. "you're right."

"of course, i'm right." miles smirked, knowing that he was breaking through. "i always make sure you're okay, even checking in on the guys you set up your little dates with."

"what?" you asked confused.

"well, some of them weren't nice to my princesa so i had to take care of that. and others didn't deserve a date with you." he shrugged.

"but you only did that to protect me, right?"

"of course, mi angelito." he nodded.

"everything that you have done was for that too?"

"yes," miles nodded, encouraging your thoughts of you needing him. "so will you take me back?"

"yeah," you nodded, wiping your tear stained cheeks with a smile.

"good," miles nodded and grabbed your chin with the same hand he used to kill, pulling you in to leave a peck on your lips. "you are never going to leave me again, understand?"

you nodded.

"i asked if you understand?" he said more forcefully.

"yes, bonito." you answered verbally this time.

miles smirked. "good."

he pulled you back in for a real kiss this time, his mouth coming in contact with yours into a blissful kiss. his tongue pushed its way inside your mouth, fighting yours and winning, exploring every inch of the place he missed so much.

"don't ever think about going out with other men again." miles said between kisses. "los mataré, entiendes?"

"yes." you nodded and pulled him back in to kiss him.

you just missed him so much. why were you so stupid to leave him in the first place? all he wanted was to protect you.

taglist: @anikaluv @janaeby @queerponcho @laylasbunbunny @onginlove @all444miles @banqnaz @yourlocalstranger123 @weirdomcu @ilovemiguelohara28 @tlatziuh @edgyficuselastica @hoseokslefteyebrow (i added the people who were interested in a part two)

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ reblogs are really appreciated!

[lisenberry]

WIP Wednesday Thoughts        

Working title:  There’s smoke seeping out of your bloody teeth (but you’re home somehow)

(From 28 by Zach Bryan)

Recovering Price x Recovering Reader

A/N: I have way too many WIPs at the moment, but this one came out of nowhere and I’m wondering if there’s something more here.

It’s a little darker than my usual, but somehow rides the line of more fluff than angst if you can bear with me through the backstory.  I’m also seeing a trend where I love to paint Price as a complete mess and struggling with himself.  I just know he has some Big Repressed Feelings buried deep in that broad chest.  Like, the Captain takes care of everyone else on missions but needs more help than he lets on in the real world.

CW:  Accidental overdose, Addiction/Recovery, Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous, a whiff of PTSD, single parent/recovering addict Reader, written with afab/fem reader in mind, but it came out fairly neutral. Overall heavy subject matter, but with some hope/humor to follow.

John fucked up.  He knows it, Kyle knows it.  And now Kate does, too.

He’d promised his sergeant that he’d lay off the whiskey, but he didn’t tell him about the pills.  The oxys and the benzos.  And sometimes, when things got really bad and he got in a little too deep, the ketamine and fentanyl. 

It was pure luck that Kyle found him.  That he was worried enough to kick the door in, strong enough to pull him out of the bathtub, and quick enough to do CPR until the ambulance arrived with the Narcan. 

He hadn’t meant to end it.  His life, that is.  Just the never-ending pressure in his brain.  The headaches, the sensitivity to light, everything being so bloody fucking loud.  Two decades of explosions, gunshots, and crashes had racked up on him, each one a tithe to be repaid down the line.  And it seemed they’d all come due at once.

In the aftermath, Kate had paid him a visit when he’d been ready to check himself out of the hospital, and she’d given him a directive.  It wasn’t even an ultimatum.  There was no other choice. 

Get help.

She wasn’t kicking him off the team.  She wasn’t even putting a note in his file.  The military wouldn’t know, other than an extended personal leave signed off on by high enough names no one would question it.  A 30-day stay in a doctor-supervised substance abuse treatment facility, and another 60 days at home with weekly check-ins.

Who he told other than Garrick would be up to him.

He agreed, of course.  It was his last chance to get his shit together, maybe even more than he deserved.  The look on Kyle’s face when he regained consciousness would be ingrained on his brain for the rest of his life.

“I always thought it’d be Ghost.  Never you, Captain.”  It wasn’t disappointment that clouded the kid’s eyes with tears, but fear.  That it could happen to any of them if they weren’t careful.  That the danger didn’t end when they came home.

Price hadn’t asked for help, but he knew when to take it.

Which is how he met you...

He tried to attend four to five meetings a week.  They were usually at night, after dark, when the urge to settle into his chair with a bottle of scotch and a few extra Percocets was all he could think about.  When the distractions of the day faded and he was alone with himself. 

If he could hold the urge at bay long enough, in the company of others, even if he just sat and listened, then it would pass like a mad dog thrown a bone.  And then he could go home in peace, until the dog came back around again.

In the beginning, he jumped around to a new meeting each night.  There was St. Stephen’s, St. Giles in the Fields, St. George’s, the Salvation Army, and the Tenant’s Hall.  Some were for beginners, and others just for men.  He didn’t want to become familiar with any particular one, preferring instead to lean on the Anonymous side of the program.

He sipped his tea and ate his biscuits, all from the back row.  Quietly reflecting on the opening speaker, and the stories of hope and struggle that followed.  At first, he found it hard to relate.  Kids who got hooked on drugs in school to escape from abusive parents, or former gang members and dealers looking to buy their way out of poverty and the system that abandoned them.

He’d been born into money, went to good schools.  His demon didn’t come at him until later.  It had taken its time and made roots into an already established foundation.  Like a parasite, it didn’t take him young, or weak.  It took him when he was at his strongest and broke him down from the inside out.  He was already infected long before he saw the signs.

He had no one else to blame, and didn’t think he’d find much sympathy from telling his story.  He didn’t want it, anyway.  He just needed to get through his 60 days and be back on a mission again.

But then one Friday evening, he walked into your regular 7pm meeting in the basement of an old church and everything changed... 

It was the best around, because they had a small children’s area in the next room, with a library and a sweet old nun who would read books and watch the kids for free.  It had become a local favorite for parents without childcare, and the group had grown as close as a family. 

There were a few of you who took the snack duty very seriously.  There were no stale, day-old donuts or flavorless boxed biscuits.  Instead, the spread was enough to rival the set of the Great British Baking Show.  Cakes and puddings, shortbreads and tartes.  The coffee was freshly brewed, not the cheap instant granules.

It had made you very protective, still always a little wary of newcomers, as against the spirit of the program as that was.  It had become your safe space.  Where you brought your children, and shared your biggest regrets and darkest moments.  And mainly because, despite the progress you’d made in your recovery, you’d never fully be able to trust again.  To look at another person and not see a potential threat. 

Outside the church, you knew where the dealers stood waiting to find you on an off day.  Where the pimps lingered in the dark alleys ready to meet you when you were broke and desperate.  They were the obstacles you could see.  Like a video game level you’d failed so many times you could jump and duck and kick your way a little further with each respawn.  You already knew there was a bad guy waiting on the other side of that door and all the tricks to avoid him.

It was harder to tell with the quiet, six-and-a-half-foot tall, bearded man in the beanie hat and combat boots slumped in the back row.  He’d popped up about a week ago, and always arrived exactly five minutes early.  He'd wait patiently until the snack line died down and load his plate before sitting in the same seat, closest to the door.

He hadn’t shared with the group yet, but offered a few pleasant nods and greetings to anyone who’d initiated a conversation.  It seemed rude not to reach out, if for no other reason than to gauge his intentions for yourself.  Was he here because he was serious about his addiction, or was someone forcing him to come?  Some set number of days on his coin before he’d be free from his sentence and never be heard from again.

It didn’t matter, and it wasn’t any of your business.   

But that didn’t stop you from looking over at him a few times during your share, only to find him paying close attention.  His serious features unreadable. Enough to make you stumble on your words and lose your train of thought.  Everyone there knew your story already and could probably recite it for you.  It just helped to recount the good parts, along with the bad.

“Did you make these?” he asked afterward, a rumbling voice breaking through your thoughts as you sat in a folding chair sipping the last of your coffee. 

He held up a half-eaten salted caramel chocolate chip blondie.

“Yes, those are mine,” you answered with what you hoped was a polite smile.

“I thought I saw you bring them last time I was here.  Fucking delicious.”  He popped the rest of it into his mouth, catching the crumbs with his thick dark beard.  “But your hair’s different, isn’t it?” he added, once he’d swallowed his bite.

You reflexively raised a hand to your head, remembering with a laugh the events of your day.  You’d nearly forgotten the fiasco at work a few hours before.

“I work at a training salon.  I let the students experiment on it when there aren’t enough dolls.”  You didn’t have time to fix it before you had to pick up your kids from their afterschool program.

“It’s green.”

“Very green, yes.”  You found yourself smiling again.  Before that, it’d been black with purple tips.  “Who knows what color it will be next time.”  You stood and folded up your chair.

And tried not to read into it as he took it from you promptly and stacked it over with the others.

“Reason enough to come back and find out, then,” he called over his shoulder.

And you didn’t miss when he stopped to grab the last blondie on his way out.

[lightlessentwine]

after watching Smough's video about Miquella, i'd like to supplement the video with a bit of my own take based on it, as well as personal findings:

-St. Trina and Miquella may have shared one body because of having been born of a single-bodied Rebis/God. this is an ability only demonstrated by Marika and not even Malenia seems to demonstrate this.. perhaps because her curse to Rot is the reason for her lack of personal identity; she does not have an identity to project other than what she is, due to her affliction. in the current age, all she has been doing is dreaming(*) and awakens promptly when we arrive; likely to the only movement of air she's felt in ages

-with mention of Tarnished Archaeologist's detail about Michaelangelo's diagram of the human, you see that that can then be placed into a five pointed star. i believe it lends at least some creedence to its relation to the image i had shared; the inverted star symbolizing a horned goat, or oftentimes Baphomet- likely a signal of Messmer's presence as something *inherent* to the Golden Order; without the current Elden Ring there would be no Order but the current Order hides a serpent at the Central Intersection, which seems to represent Messmer. Baphomet was/is a pagan cult deity who represents balance and neutrality, and is almost always depicted doing a gesture signifying "as above; so below"; he is even labeled as half-human, half-animal, male and female, good and evil. he is referred to as a man but is essentially every binary set in balance; even seen as both a deity and a demon.

Literally anything not set into a binary in Elden Ring *confounds and terrifies* followers of the Golden Order. it in fact worries Corhyn so deeply that he refuses to believe Goldmask as he grovels in the ashes of the Erdtree; honestly, he looks like he's about to go mad. one of the biggest revelations in the entire game is premised around breaking a binary that was never proven to be binary at all.

in other words, the entire Golden Order is based in dichotomies and binaries, and there is a fundamental flaw in that regard, because it disregards the individual and non-binary aspects of The World to force them into a simple mold that was going to fall with time anyway

like with Gwyn's plight in dark souls, it was never about the people, it was about preventing a coming age and clinging onto whatever control, by preserving the current one forever.

As i've stated many times before, I think Miquella is the physical body and the original entity of Faith while St. Trina is a Lunar Reflection (the Albedo, or an Animus in Jungian Psych) and the hero and protector of the people she often envisions herself as. Messmer residing in the shadow realm represents a deep seated truth within miquella- a sort of "cognitive rubedo" if you will or a "truth of the mind" that he hates as much as others fear and that nobody wants found. part of this truth is marika's fault but has left miquella with a personal guilt that has torn at him so badly that eventually, a shadow of himself tore away and became its own monster from within. with the shadow realm being physically separated from the lands between, it is likely that they are a cognitive realm of marika's, of sorts, as well now.

Marika herself had this shadow hidden away, and this presents rather well because we know that there was a long period after the night of black knives that marika was still active and likely becoming more distraught. on top of this, it is within Jungian psychology that one's anima and animus come to them in dreams.it is also true that a shadow persona is borne of a conflict tearing at one's conscious until it becomes its own entity.

[ghostismybbygorl]

Alright more headcannons

Pt.1

Ale-ale-jandro

Actually hates the song alejandro by lady gaga. If rudy is mad at him he'll play the song in the car full blast to piss him off

He's 38

Hes got a BIG family. He has 7 siblings he's the oldest out if all if them

hes got a brother (36) with two daughters (6) (8)

A sister (32) with a son (10)

Twin brothers (25) one of them has a daughter (3)

A sister (20) who has a 1 year old girl

A brother (12)

A baby sister (7)

Hes roman catholic and goes to mass regularly with his family

His patron saint is St. Jude Thaddius

Him and soap will go to mass together

He's got a necklace of Guadalupe that his abuelita gave him before she passed. Every time he goes into battle he kisses the necklace and prays to his abuelita for protection

He has a tabby cat named diablo that he rescued off the streets. The cat's a total asshole to everyone but rudy.

Him and rudy are married but no one knows except for his family

This man can salsa dance like nobody's business. Dont get him near tequila or youll be learning how to dance the tango, salsa, square dance everything from him

He's a happy flirty drunk

When he's mad he'll forget how to say english words so he'll just stand there snapping his fingers trying to explain what he's trying to say but getting even more pissed because he can't remember the word.

Accidentally got high off of heroine one time. He was on a mission and somehow a bag of heroine opened up in his face causing him to inhale some. He said it was the best high he's experienced but swore to himself to never do any type of drugs after that experience in fear of getting addicted

Casually pops his neck and it'll crack LOUD

Takes a nap at 3:00 sharp. If he doesn't take his nap he will be bitchy for the rest of the day

He listens to latin r&b when he's relaxing and bad bunny when him and Rudy are alone together.

Being the oldest of the family hes a very nurturing person. When you're sick hes by your side with sopa de fideo, vics cream, and some medicinal tea

This man can and WILL cook. He used to cook with his mom and abuelita when he was younger

He loves to make tamales it reminds him of home

His family goes all out for Christmas everyone has stockings, they all get hella gifts, they sing, dance, bring over homemade food. They all will go to midnight mass and then open presents afterwords when they get home

He's always the best gift giver

His house looks like this and he still lives with his whole family (click the numbers i also have a link to the Pinterest boards if u wanna see more)

1, 2, 3

He has those candies that Abuelas give out

Rudy rudy

Hes actually savage af. He'll absolutely roast the shit out of you and hell say it in the most casual tone

Loves bad bunny

Hes 30

Hes a only child

He has the most obscene slippers

He drinks coffee religiously. He's a regular at starbucks. His favorite starbucks drink is the java chip Frappuccino with two extra shots of espresso and coconut milk

He loves del rosa cookies snd can open them without breaking them. He gets really upset if he does. It happened one time before and he was close to tears

 he loves diablo like its his own child.

He was the one to propose to Alejandro. They where sitting on a couch watching tv when he just pops the question "you want to get married?"

He's scared of anything supernatural. Dont even get him started on horror movies he will legit start praying the hail mary

He gives great massages

He's hella lactose intolerant like reenacting world war 3 in the bathroom intolerant.

since he doesn't have a big family rudy and his family will celebrate Christmas together with Alejandros family.

He absolutely loves the cheesy telenovas

He has a iguana named pakko.

He lives in Alejandro house with his family

He gets really out going when hes drunk he'll start singing and dancing

Price

Religiously plays wordle

He'll bring his bearded dragon into work ever so often. It always creeped ghost out for a while but eventually grew used to it.

He like to put little costumes on his bearded dragon

HE HAS A FAMILY PHOTO OF HIM, HIS BOYFRIEND, DOG AND DRAGON IN MATCHING CHRISTMAS SWEATERS. (He paid ghost big money to make the sweaters)

He doesn't shave his beard at all during november and his beard will get hella long. He usually does this because he dresses up as santa for christmas and goes to children shelter to give children christmas gifts.

He's like hella good with kids, babies especially. If he sees a baby crying he can instantly make it stop crying its like magic dad vibes.

When hes drunk he'll reminisce about the past and tell the same stories over and over. He also gets really nostalgic with laswell

He's the one to throw the christmas parties he takes it hella serious its a requirement that everyone wears a christmas sweater

His house looks like this

1, 2, 3

He has those LOUD sneezes

He takes dad naps. He'll just say he's resting his eyes and then just knock the fuck out.

He saws logs when he naps

Has a squatty potty

Ghost

Knows how to sew and can pretty much make anything. Every year he makes little plushies for everyone for Christmas

He keeps it a top secret but he has a 7 year old daughter that he adopted. Her name is Samantha

When the team first met her they nicknamed her ghoul and she loved it

She has her own little ghost mask and she wears it around the base when ghost brings her to work

Price absolutely adores her and will often volunteer to babysit if ghost is busy with a mission same with laswell

He plays animal crossing in his free time. He says its relaxing or that hes "taking care of the kids island"

His house looks like this

1, 2 3 bonus his daughters room 4

You know the scene in parks and rec when ron swanson was drunk off of snake juice...yeah thats him drunk

He'll face time his daughter when he's away every day

He has chronic insomnia so he'll stay up days on end until hes tired and then he'll pass out on his bed and sleep for a whole day.

He lets his daughter pain his nails. He came in one day with hot pink nails 💅🏼

He has a tattoo of one of his daughters drawing and a tattoo on his ribs of his daughter's handwriting saying "i love you daddy"

His nipples are pierced

He's giving his daughter a puppy for Christmas

Laswell

Her and her wife have a daughter who's 10

She made price her maid (or i guess man of honor?). He was so thrilled and of course sobbed when he saw her walk down the isle

She met price at a football game in london

Shes 40

When shes talking to her wife she'll refer the task as her kids. "Hey do you want to come to dinner with the kids?"

She wears scarfs all the time

Laswells daughter and Samantha are best friends and they will often schedule play dates and sleep over

She gives out the most heartfelt presents. If you talk about something you want 5 months ago she'll buy it and give it to you on Christmas.

Her house

1, 2 3

When theres a party with the boys she, her wife, price, and his boyfriend will watch all the stupid shit they would do and laugh at them

She has a Pomeranian named Annabelle

She does yoga with her wife

She gets sleepy when she's drunk and will probably fall asleep on prices sholder

She loves the smell of rosemary

Soap

He has a apartment which looks like this

1 2 3

He has a girl roommate who keeps the apartment tidy and clean while he's gone. (he very much appreciates her and always cooks and does the dishes for her). She likes to roast the shit out if him when he's home.

He has chronic pain in his right knee which causes him to wear a knee brace occasionally

Hes smokes the elf bars vapes. His favorite flavor is the rainbow candy

He got a tattoo of a heart on his butt cheek. He has absolutely no clue when he got it

He loves tequila drinks

Hes a cocktail type of bitch. The boys will be sipping on bourbon and soap will be over here with like a lemon drop martini or some fancy cocktail.

He wears jockstrap underwear. He says it makes his ass look great but he also wears those funny briefs like the ones that has emojis or cereal theme

When he's nervous he'll start rubbing his stubble

As a April fools prank he grew his beard out and cut it like price's beard. He then proceeded to walk around with his hat and a cigar and act like him for the whole day. He later convinced everyone to do it the next year. Ghost somehow sewed a beard to his mask for this.

He snorts when he laughs hard

He will do any dare someone tells him to do. Gaz jokingly dared soap to snort smarties thinking that he wouldnt do it....he did it......he still smells smarties from time to time.

Ghost and him have matching tattoos if skeletons dancing

He likes to listen to indie alternative music his favorite artist is steve lacy

When soaps drunk he gets all lovey dovey to everyone and he'll start singing sea shanties and pop songs. 

He has a snack stash. Everyone will be debriefing and he'll just randomly pull out a snack and start eating

Hes always hungry and eating. His favorite snacks are gummies, oreos, and Takis 

He will eat ANYTHING i mean ANYTHING. He's tried the weirdest foods out of curiosity and from dares.

Absolutely love's Christmas he wears ungly Christmas sweaters the whole month of december. He has a whole closet full of them

He loves candy canes and will go through multiple boxes of them throughout the month

Hes a nail biter

He's the god father of ghosts daughter.

He has a shower beer after work (a/n: its when you drink beer while you shower very life changing highly suggest it)

Hes really good at soccer

He sleeps in the most random spots and funniest positions. Ghost has a whole folder of all the weird places soap has slept. Everyone will fuck with him in his sleep and do random shit to him here's a few photos of what he would sleep like and what they do

Gazzy

He gets chronic migraines

He is a very VERY emotional drunk. He'll be happy and dancing and next he'll be crying over his goldfish that died 7 years ago

When he's mad his atlanta accent will kick in.

He's very sensitive to certain textures he loves sof blankets and has them littered around his apartment

He's a Very picky eater like the pallate of a 5 year old

He LOVES auntie annes mac and cheese and will eat that on the daily (its his comfort food)

He's allergic to bee's

Loves foo fighters

He can play cello

He's has ocd and will freak out if things dont go his way. Price usually has ti calm him down if he has a freak attack

His favorite anime is darling in the franxxs

He has a whole squishmellow collection on his bed

He really likes to paint him and soap will often chill out in the common room and just do artsy shit together

He loves sending reaction memes

He taught price the woah and now throw the woah at him

If he sees soap the both will look at each other and then do the biggest most dramatic way of the whip

He makes secret handshakes with everyone. Hes still trying to get ghost to do one

He arranges the secret santa and he always gives the most ridiculous presents

He loves to do yoga with laswell and her wife

His apartment looks like this

1 2 3 4

[supercriminalbean]

Father Love.

Summary: Coming out isn't always always, but your dad always has your back. Reader comes out as Non binary. (AFAB)

Warnings: Coming out gone wrong. Homophobia, tranphobia, disowned. Crying, self-harm (briefly mentioned) mental breakdown.

A/N: I need to vent. Always here if anyone needs to talk. I love you all. Remember to breath and go at your own pace.

The tears wouldn’t stop as you ran inside, slamming the front door shut behind you. Just willing yourself to get to your bedroom before the sobs completely take over.

“Hey!” Your Dad calls out, as the door echoes through the house. Great, of course he's here the day you wish to be alone. Groaning softly as you reach your bedroom, being more careful when closing the door, just hoping he’ll leave you alone for a while. Throwing yourself on the bed as the tears fall down, the heartbreak ripping you in half. Covering your mouth to stay quiet as you try to listen for your father, making sure he isn’t coming to check on you. After determining he’s still in the kitchen, you let yourself continue to break down, the emotions and sobs rocking your body. Pulling yourself into a ball as the words that were screamed at you float around your brain, the faint feeling on your cheek where she slapped you seems to throb, even though you’ve had worse. Your world seems to be crashing and you know longer care as your sobs get louder and your hands pull at your hair, small screams seem to be slipping through you. Your hands seem to be flying outwards hitting anything it can, letting the anger and sadness out that way. You don’t even seem to notice your hands are slamming into your own arms and legs until they’re being grabbed and you're being pulled into someone's body. Your arms are being restrained, it doesn’t matter how much you try to fight him, tears flow down your face as you cry out in pain. You don’t need to see to know whos holding you, his arm is wrapped around you tightly as his other hand runs through your hair, pulling your face into his chest. 

“Darling it's okay, It's okay, I'm right here you're safe now” His words cut through your screams, and soon they faded away, turning into small sobs. His touch is relaxing, he rocks you softly as you calm down. You grow quiet as you listen to his words, finding comfort in his words, closing your eyes as you focus on his heartbeat. 

~~~

You stay in his arms for a long time, and refuse to move. You both stay silent, scared to ruin this moment of peace.

“I'm sorry” Your voice is rough and dry due to the crying, its barely above a whisper when you push the words out. 

“Don’t apologise darling.. It's okay” His hand continues to run through your hair. Worry and anxiety run through him as he looks down at you. The noise that were escaping you were filled with nothing but pain and, Dave has heard many horrible sounds in his life, but you falling apart in his arms is something he wishes he never has to hear again. 

“Can you tell me what happened…?” Dave has a terrible feeling in his gut, and if someone has hurt you, you bet his ass that his team is going to have to arrest him for murder, no one touches his daughter. 

“I..I can’t” You lean even further into his arms, you can’t let him know, you can’t lose him either.

“Please sweetheart.. I’m only here to help, I’m not here to judge” Dave takes a deep breath as he sees the look in your eyes. Disbelief and fear. 

“You're meant to be at your mothers, so can you at least tell me why you're not there?”

Tears seem to form in your eyes again as you pull yourself out of your dads arms, pulling yourself into a sitting position. 

“Promise you won’t get mad?” Fear starts to swirl through your body again, you already lost her, you can’t lose him, but it's Dave he won't leave you, right?

“I won’t be mad at you” His voice is gentle as his eyes soften taking in your vulnerable state.

“Mum disowned me” You lip shivers as her words start to flash through your mind, tears slipping down again. 

“What?” Dave stares at you in confusement. Why the hell would she do that, and what the hell did she say to you. 

“I.. she got mad at me, I tried to reason with her but her words hurt so much Dad, I just had to get out of there, so I ran here” You stare at him, your eyes shining with tears, fearing the next part of this conversation.

“My love, you don’t deserve that, but I need to know what happened to cause that” Dave is careful with the way the physics things, not wanting you to think he blames you for anything, he just needs an answer.

~~~

“Please don’t hate me” Your throat feels like it's collapsing on itself as you look into his eyes, seeing nothing but love and concern reflecting back. Oh how you're going to miss that, how you're going to miss that, you're going to miss your family.

“Never” Dave gives you a small smile, encouraging you to continue. He could never imagine hating you. 

“Mum found out I’m going to the pride parade in the weekend” Taking another deep breath as you beg yourself to continue. “She found out I have a girlfriend and that I’m trans” You stare at him, waiting for the same words to leave his mouth, waiting to be disowned, waiting to be kicked out, or worse. 

Dave's face falls, all the blood draining from him as it sets in. His ex disowned their kid for being trans, you’ve got to be kidding him. Anger starts filling him, but he has to ignore it, because right now what scares him the most, is the petrified look on your face. You're staring at him in fear, your body inching away from him slowly, just waiting for him to respond.

Dave smiles softly at you before holding his hand out to you, his eyebrows rising at you as you look at him confused. Slowly you take his hand, to which he pulls you into his arms, giving you the biggest, tightest hug he can, placing his lips on your forehead.

“I love you kiddo” He whispers softly, letting out a soft breath as he feels you relax in his arms. 

“I love you to Dad” Closing your eyes as you enjoy his embrace, everything feeling right in the world for the moment. After a few moments you two slowly separate which your meet by his kind and loving eyes.

“So do you want to tell me about it?”

“You don’t hate me?” You smile weakly, feeling your heart starting to mend.

“I could never hate you, especially just for you being transgender” Dave smiles, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, enjoying the smile spreading over your face.

“Thank you”

“Always kiddo” He chuckles softly as you snuggle down. “Now tell me about your pronouns, what gender you identify with and um did you want to change your name, also anything else I need to be aware of?”

You can’t help the smile that spreads over your face as you start to speak, feeling incredibly grateful you get to open up to him.

“Pronouns are They/Them and He/him and I identify with more Non-binary than anything else, also I think I like the name (Y/n), I feel like it suits me” Smiling softly as you feel peaceful wash over you.

“(Y/n) Rossi it suits you” Dave smiles more as he watches the tension slide out of you. “So am I referring to you as my son or kid?”

“As your kid please, I like it better”

“Good, and do you want anyone else to know?”

“Yeah, I want everyone to know, I mean my close friends already do, but I'm tired of hiding I want everyone to know”

“Good, well we can tell our family tomorrow if you like, everyone is coming over for pasta night, also Garcia and Morgan are going to the pride parade this weekend to if you want to go to with them” 

“Wait really?” Grinning up at him, the pressure on your chest completely gone and now you can breathe normally again.

“Really” Dave smirks, knowing just how close you are to his team. “And saturday morning you and me are going shopping anything you need, I can get it for you”

“Thank you Dad, um does that including a binder.. There's a shop at the mall that sells them” Nervous run through, mainly at the idea of finally getting one.

“We sure can, and anything else you need, but only on two conditions” Dave smirks at you seriously.

“Um what's that?

“You wear it safely, you follow the rules, also you let me meet that girlfriend of yours” He teases you softly earning a soft groan that turns into a giggle.

“Okay fine, only because I'm dying for you to meet her, she's Italian and she is so beautiful and so kind Dad’ You can’t help but start gushing to him about her. Your fears melting away, everything else can wait for a later date.

[hjparisian]

high infidelity- harry j potter x reader

"do you really wanna know where i was april 29?"

p: harry j potter x reader w: cheating, angst, hearts being broken whoops, not proofread a/n: i wanted to do something for this song cause it's april 29 and its been stuck in my head for a week. so i kinda threw whatever idea i had in my head lol

Harry Potter and (Y/N) (L/N) were two names you did not hear without the other. Ever since their fifth year, the two seem inseparable. Harry loved them and didn't know what life would be like without them (though he wouldn't want to think about it). After the end of the second wizarding war, Harry proposed to (Y/N) and life seemed to be perfect.

Or at least that's what it would seem from an outsider's perspective. Lately, there seemed to have been some trouble between the two wizards. Harry was busy as an auror in training, putting in the extra work to prove himself (even though he already did as The Boy Who Lived), which meant he wouldn't get home til late. Meanwhile, (Y/N) decided to become a healer, having a knack for healing and had already done some work with Madam Pomfrey during Hogwarts. The hours were long, but (Y/N) still had some spare time, though it was difficult to be able to spend time with Harry with his work.

Lately though, it seemed like (Y/N)'s hours were getting longer and longer, often not coming home until the middle of the night and being called in on days off. There was even a day in April where (Y/N) was gone the whole day only to return the next morning saying they wanted her to help a terribly sick patient.

Harry had found this odd, he wouldn't expect St. Mungo's to overwork (Y/N) like that. Hell even the ministry didn't overwork the people in training unless severely necessary, which was rare.

On his off day, Harry decided to visit Ron in his shared apartment with Hermione, since (Y/N) is at work and he hasn't seen Ron in a minute. He brings up (Y/N)'s long hours to Ron.

"I never seen them much anymore. It's always we see each other in the morning and then right before we go to bed. But lately they've been getting home really late. I don't know, I'm just worried Ron." Harry says.

"Well have you talk to them about it? Can't you guys request time off to spend time?" Ron asks him. Harry shakes his head. "Every time I say something they get mad and we have an argument." This was true. The perfect couple was no longer perfect. There were more arguments than they ever had during Hogwarts. To Harry, it seemed like the love was fading.

"Really?" Ron was a little astound by this, seeing as (Y/N) and Harry always hated being mad at each other and arguing. "And you say they've been coming home later?"

Harry nods his head again. "There was one night where they didn't even come back til morning." Ron started piecing the puzzle together, but did not want to believe his assumptions. Poor Harry would be heartbroken if it was true.

"Mate." Ron started. "Do you think they could be cheating on you?"

Harry felt his world stop at the thought of this. His precious (Y/N), in bed with another man? Spending their precious time with someone else? But it would make sense. Why they would come home late, the calls saying they have to stay later than usual. More particularly, where they could've been April 29.

Ron could seeing the pain and tears forming in his best friend's eyes. "Hey Harry, I could be wrong. Maybe they truly are busy." Saying anything to save Harry's pain.

"No Ron, I think you're right. I have to talk to them tonight."

So Harry sat in the living room of their home, waiting to (Y/N) to arrive. He hears the door unlock and sees the person he was looking for. He stands up.

"Hey Harry," (Y/N) says while hanging up their coat. Harry decides it was now or never.

"Have you been cheating on me?"

(Y/N) stops and looks at him. "What?" Harry speaks. "You heard me. Have you seeing someone else?"

There was a flash of fear and nerves in (Y/N)'s eyes. "Why would you even think that, Harry?"

He scoffs. "Why would I think that? Well, how about the fact that you're always at work? That you always seem to have to stay later and don't even come home til the middle of the night?"

(Y/N) interrupts him. "That's cause I'm busy treating people! They keep me late because they think I'm one of the best trainees and could use the work. And what about you? You never seem to have time for me cause you're too busy with auror training."

"We're not talking about me (Y/N), we're talking about you. You know how intense auror training is anyways. It feels like you work way longer hours than me. And everytime I bring something like this up you always seem to get upset."

"Of course I'm gonna get upset when you're attacking me like this!" (Y/N) screams.

"Well it wouldn't feel like I'm attacking you if you told me what's going on." Harry says. "You never even told me where you were that one day in April. You didn't even come back until morning."

(Y/N) responds, "I was busy at work." Harry felt himself getting more and more frustrated by the minute. "Bullshit, there's no way they kept you at St. Mungos for practically a day."

"Now I'm gonna ask you again, where were you April 29?"

Harry could see the (Y/N) finally exploded. "Do you really want to know where I was on April 29? You really want to know?" They scoff before continuing, "I was out with someone, getting the love and pleasure I haven't gotten for ages!"

Harry was shocked. So (Y/N) really was seeing someone else. The only thing he could say was "Who?"

They stood silent, avoiding eye contact with Harry who asked them again. "Who were you with? Who was giving you the love that I 'apparantly' didn't give you when it was you who wasn't appreciating me?

"Theodore Nott."

Theodore Nott was a Slytherin who was in the same year as both (Y/N) and Harry, though (Y/N) already knew him through family members and the occasional parties their families hosted.

Harry tried to hold back the tears of frustration and sadness. "You slept with Theodore, because you thought I wasn't loving you enough? (Y/N), you could've fucking told me. You knew I would've done anything for you. I would've made time. Here I was, wondering if I was overthinking that you didn't love me anymore, when I guess you really don't."

"Harry-" "No (Y/N), you made your choice, and it wasn't me. I want you get your stuff and leave."

Harry could see the tears welling up in (Y/N)'s eyes. In any other situation, he would've tried to cheer them up, make them laugh, comfort them. But right now, all he could do was watch them flow before letting his silently fall.

He watched (Y/N) go into their room and gathered some of their stuff in a suitcase. "You can get the rest of your stuff another day." (Y/N) just nods as they zip the suitcase close and walk to the door.

They open the door before looking back at Harry. "I'm sorry, Harry." He shuts the door behind them before sliding to the floor, letting his sobs fill the empty room.

There was so many different ways that this could've gone, but Harry would never thought it would end from not loving each other enough.

[delulumc]

Secret bonus thing

Here's a thing I did that I'll post only here because I don't have any followers anyway! I did it only to get it out of my system

Her fingerprints stung; hot, slightly swollen and itchy, as the sharp corner of another Lego piece angrily dug into her flesh.

Mina wasn’t mad. She was happy, in fact. So happy that she decided to celebrate by tearing open the cardboard box that had been sitting under her bed for a few months. Another Lego flower bouquet. She already had one, but someone -couldn’t remember who- had gifted her the same set without knowing.

But what the hell, let’s celebrate, she thought. The occasion deserved it.

“Really?” She remembered asking her, incredulous. “Not even back in middle school? It hardly counts, but still.”

“Nah, not even then,” Chaeyoung had answered with a shy smile and a hint of embarrassment tinting her dimpled cheeks. “It’s not that hard to believe, is it? I’m not exactly approachable, so I guess it’s only natural that nobody has ever asked me out.”

“I think you’re right. You’re straight up scary.” Dahyun teased. Everyone laughed. And that was the end of it.

The conversation, like so many others, had kept replaying every so often for months when her mind was idle. As soon as she heard the news her brain sprung back to that memory. That’s good for her, isn’t it? It’s great, even. She got asked out finally, and the guy’s just her type, to boot. Yay for Chaeng.

Yay.

She sighed, then grunted while trying to force two pieces together. They didn’t budge.

He’s probably decent, right? She’s not known for being a great judge of character, but she wouldn’t say yes to the first guy that comes knocking…

Right?

Mina dropped the pieces on the table and moved on to a different flower, frustrated. 

Her phone buzzed.

🍓👸💕: going out

🍓👸💕: u?

Mina’s chest tightened. Chaeyoung had finally answered the text she had sent her three hours ago. 

ミナリ: Going out too.

🍓👸💕: whaaaat

🍓👸💕: minari going out? thought only i could make that happen

Her face felt heavy, hanging onto her skull against the pull of gravity. She locked her phone. Chaeyoung wasn’t wrong.

You got to be honest about your feelings, Mina. Old therapy kicked in like a robot’s programming. She went through the steps from the start.

First, name your feelings. It’s… the feeling of being left out. Of being forgotten. Fear.

Then try to find the source. It’s okay if you don’t manage at first, but try. The source? It’s been several little things. It’s been…

She paused. What was it that she felt, really? She unconsciously held on to the pendant of her necklace. A silver teddy bear split in half, their matching best friends necklace.

She’s my best friend, and I love her so much, and want her to be happy. But I’m supposed to be her best friend too, right? And she didn’t tell me.

The root of the issue was that she didn’t tell her first, though. Somi had known before. Introduced them, actually. Somi was her best friend, after all.

Then Dahyun had been the first to know among the nine of them. They’d been two peas in a pod since their trainee days. Dahyun was also her best friend, too.

How many “best friends” can someone have? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? 

She reached behind her head to undo the thin chain and take off her necklace. She hadn’t seen Chaeyoung wear her matching one in a while, in fact she’d only used it two or three times since they bought them… How long ago..?

Mina froze for a moment, staring vacantly at the little bear cut in half. She stopped her brain from doing math. After a minute, her vision refocused and she exhaled slowly.

st

ends

Said the etching on the bear’s chest.

“Why’d you buy this stupid thing if it was gonna end anyway?” Mina murmured to herself. “I bet you did it on purpose. Stupid. So corny.”

She dropped the necklace onto the table next to her phone and the half-assembled flower, then dropped her head too, into her own arms. Her hair made a tent that protected her from the world’s light.

“Why is it so hard to just… talk, like normal?”

Her phone buzzed again, screen lit up letting her know that the group chat was going insane. Twelve unreads in a fraction of a second.

The first new message was from Jeongyeon; a screenshot of Chaeyoung’s photo for her ‘close friends’. It was a mirror selfie, she had a facefull of makeup and a black satin crop top with spaghetti straps that showed off her tattoos. Her kissy face was cute. A nice contrast with the risque outfit.

Yoobeep: Care to explain this scandalous look, missy??????

The rest of the messages were the members teasing, praising and freaking out in equal parts. It was extremely annoying. For a split second she gathered the impulse to type something snarky, almost mean, but she stopped herself immediately.

Okay. From the start again.

She breathed in and out slowly.

First, name your feelings. Jealousy. Petty, pathetic, useless jealousy. 

Then try to find the source. It’s okay if you don’t manage at first, but try. Somi. Dahyun. That man…

Mina closed her eyes.

Chaeyoung.

She hated being honest with her feelings, but understood why it was necessary. 

It’s because I’m pretty sure I’m no longer her best friend. Actually, I’m not sure I ever was.

But Chaeyoung *was* Mina’s best friend. And had been for a long time. A few times she was tempted to name it something else. It was deeper, more special, more intense. She could’ve sworn it was there, that something was there between them. Apparently not. You don’t cast aside something so special.

She sighed, so deep and heavy that she briefly lost control of her lungs and emptied them entirely. She gasped sharply, pain stabbing behind her sternum as air rushed back inside her without any regard for the fragile, brittle tissue of a feeling that she held inside her chest.

It was an immature overreaction, all this. Chaeyoung had told her, after all, though she wasn’t the first or second or even third person in the list. Haesol, was it? Something like that. 

“He’s… your type!” Mina had said. For a brief moment she considered saying ‘cute’, but couldn’t push herself into such a canyon of a lie.

“Right?” Chaeyoung smiled. A disarming, bright smile, full of tiny little teeth bookended by sharp fangs, pointed and painful like a thorn in the crook of your knuckle. Mina’s eyes almost hurt, and could’ve even watered. She was looking at the sun.

So many times had Mina’s smile been planted into her own face like a seedling by Chaeyoung’s mere existence, by just being next to her, and bloomed into the gummy smile she had hated so much when younger. She didn’t mind it if it was for her. She had come to like smiling, even. For her.

Was it asking for too much, then, to have the chance to do the same? Of course it was. A mere mortal, a little girl like her can’t pull the sun out of the ocean, can’t coerce dawn to break. She was powerless.

Her phone buzzed away. Mina ignored it.

One of three roses of her set were complete. By now she could put together the last one by memory. She grabbed a green plastic stem and started working, selecting all the pieces she needed. The petals were a strange color - kind of… yellow?

Mina thought back to a flower arrangement workshop she had gone to once. The instructor had talked at length about the meaning of flowers, specifically their color.

Yellow was friendship. Friendship and joy. Mina scoffed.

Honest with your feelings, Mina.

She was hurting. She had no right to, yet she was hurting. Selfishly, pathetically, she felt like something was being taken away from her. 

“You’re being a kid. This is kiddie stuff, jealous because your little friend got a boyfriend and won’t play with you anymore.” Mina’s mind scolded itself.

Her phone buzzed for the millionth time  and she finally snapped, grabbing it violently to see what the racket was all about. The group chat was still at it, but she had another notification for her direct messages.

🍓👸💕: where u going?

🍓👸💕: alone?

🍓👸💕: of course not, duh

🍓👸💕: sorry for prying

🍓👸💕: have fun tho!

🍓👸💕: maybe we run into eachother thatd be awkward as hell lol

Mina’s heart crumpled, conflicted. Suddenly Chaeyoung cared that much? She grunted, then lied through shaky fingers.

ミナリ: Sorry, I’m on my way already. Hadn’t seen this.

🍓👸💕: have fun!!

🍓👸💕: dunno if u saw me all dressed up lol im nervous

🍓👸💕: but its fun

🍓👸💕: tho if by chance we go to the same place youd make me look like shit haha

🍓👸💕: u probably look super pretty u always do when u go out

🍓👸💕: thats why it only happens every 1000

🍓👸💕: so outfit check?

ミナリ: What?

Why did she care so much to look at her? Mina panicked slightly, she couldn’t send her the photo she was asking for. She was in sweats, her hair was a mess -a bun atop her head that looked like a gull’s nest- and her eyes were probably swollen from being on the verge of tears for hours.

🍓👸💕: yeah pic of ur fit!

🍓👸💕: if u wanna

ミナリ: Sorry. I’m in the car already.

ミナリ: Talk later.

She pressed the side button, turning her phone off, then flung it across the bedroom. It bounced on her bed, then fell on the floor with a pathetic thud. Mina let out a muffled, low roar of frustration through clenched teeth.

Mina pushed aside everything on her desk, loose lego pieces rolling off and falling on the floor with high, plastic clinking sounds. Mina didn’t cry. The tears just fell out by themselves, but she didn’t allow herself to break into a full sob. Mina was good at numbing herself.

With a shaky sigh, she found herself thinking back to the first few days after she returned to Korea from her hiatus, her raw, tender heart newly prescribed with a cocktail of anxiety medicine.

“Don’t numb yourself anymore, Minari. If you gotta cry, then cry. If you have to scream then do it. If you feel like smiling then please smile.” Chaeyoung held both of her hands and gave Mina a smile of her own. In turn, she felt her cheeks tense with a faltering smile.

“Good enough for me. Thanks, Minari. I’m glad you’re back. Love you.”

Mina opened her eyes. The only things that remained on her desk were the tangled necklace, a puddle of silent tears and the half-assembled Lego rose. Now that she looked at it closely, it wasn’t really yellow. More of a peach-like color.

Peach is sincerity, truthfulness.

She sighed, letting out an additional stream of measured, muted tears.

Honest with your feelings, Mina.

The silver bear mocked her with its “st ends”. In truth it never even started. She was feeling a grief that wasn’t hers to feel. An envy that was unearned.

One more time, one last time. From the start.

First, name your feelings.

Love.

[tyllt]

Quotes (pt. 3)

Poetry

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye

The Second Coming - W.B. Yeats

All the world's a stage - Jaques, As You Like It

Now, Hamlet, where's Polonius? - Hamlet, Hamlet

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird - Wallace Stevens

Set your heart at rest - Titania, A Midsummer Night's Dream

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt - Hamlet, Hamlet

Do not go gentle into that good night - Dylan Thomas

I know you all, and will awhile uphold - Hal, Henry IV

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening - Robert Frost

There's rosemary, that's for remembrance, pray - Ophelia, Hamlet

Bandersnatch Monologue - Colin Jones

Lord, we know what we are, but not what we may be. - Ophelia, Hamlet

The rest is silence. - Hamlet, Hamlet

Take pains; be perfect. Adieu. - Bottom, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Well, we were born to die. - Capulet, Romeo & Juliet

What do you read, my lord? Words, words, words. - Hamlet, Hamlet

We must not make a scarecrow of the law. - Angelo, Measure for Measure

I am now of all humors that have showed themselves humors - Hal, Henry IV

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. - Hal, Henry IV

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow - Macbeth, Macbeth

And this same progeny of evils comes - Titania, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Praise

We owe God a death. - Hal, Henry IV

God is closer to me than I am to myself. - St. Augustine

When a man turns his face to God, he finds sunshine everywhere. - Abd'ul Baha

You have to ask God to defeat you, everyday. - Anonymous

Our loss is great, but God is greater. - Brandon Burlsworth

Every time I think of God it brings tears to my eyes. The one that holds the stars also holds my hand. - Liz's Happy Place

Then the sun smiled, and Christ smiled, and my laundry grew soft in the warm wind. There. See there. The world is good is me. - Linda Gregg

God is feeding me and what I'm praying for is an appetite. - Flannery O'Connor

Sisters, let us go mad for the love of God. - St. Theresa

When you are angry, do not sin; ponder it on your beds, and be silent. Offer righteous sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord. - Psalm 4:4-5

Before God leaves, He clears the table, pats my head, and presses two messages into my palms. In my left, You are the bridge. In my right, you are the dust. - Paige Lewis

She would transform herself into sacred food. She would eat light, not matter; become food, not eat it. She would be consumed to become the host and consumed again as it. - Judith Van Herik

...God's incarnation in Christ is also going on in everyone, everywhere, at all times. - David Bentley Hart

Human nature is not a duality of body and soul; rather God's breath animates the dust and it becomes a single living being. - Anonymous

In early Christian hymns, hunger seems to mean human vulnerability; the implication is, therefore, that the hungry will be satisfied. In the spirituality of eleventh- and twelfth- century Europe, however, hunger began to mean a craving that can never be filled. - Caroline Walker Bynum

My fear is that much of what we call "spirituality" today is overly sanitized and sterile, far removed from the anguish of pain, the anchoredness of place. Without the tough-minded discipline of desert-mountain experience, spirituality loses its bite, its capacity to speak prophetically to its culture, its demand for justice. Avoiding pain and confrontation, it makes no demands, assumes no risk. - Belden C. Lane

Power

There are no bargains between lions and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. - Madeline Miller

I know these crowds have come from Paris to demand my head. I learned from my mother not to fear death, and I will wait for it with firmness. - Marie Antoinette

Everything had the boring residue of destiny on it. - Anonymous

There will be no further explanation. There will just be reputation. - Taylor Swift

I am the gun, the bullet, and the wound. I will not leave without you knowing I was here. - Anonymous

There is comfort in knowing the bones will win. - Anonymous

I am but mad north-north-west. - Hamlet, Hamlet

I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you. - Anonymous

Higher, further, faster, baby! - Carol Danvers

This is the burden of the trailblazer and the solitude of the trendsetter. - Defunctland

So what a monumental achievement it is to be remembered for four. - Defunctland

If I die, I want to be born again and I want to be a footballer and I want to be Diego Armando Maradona again. I am a player who has given people joy and that is enough and I have enough. - Diego Maradona

I've got to stop getting obsessed with human beings and fall in love with a chair. Chairs have everything human beings have to offer, and less, which is obviously what I need. Less emotional feedback, less warmth, less approval, less patience, and less response. The less the merrier. Chairs it is. I must furnish my heart with feelings for furniture. - Carrie Fisher

Service

Do the good and throw it in the sea.

Life isn't about getting and having, it's about giving and being. - Kevin Kruse

What are you going to buy in your lifetime that is worth more than your humanity? - Anonymous

There are no lost causes.

Are you at peace? Can I pray for you?

Service to others it the rent you pay for your room here on earth. - Muhammad Ali

What do you want Me to do for you? - Mark 10:51

Forget not to show love unto strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. - Hebrews 13:2

Grief

A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he's still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he's still left with his hands. - Richard Siken

Life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. - Leonard Nimoy

This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing! It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready. - Tom Hiddleston

I mean it this time: this is the last time I'm leaving without you. - firethesound

You wanted Death? This is it. Dirt and decay, nothing more. Death translates us all into earth. - Catherynne M. Valente

Dear Tree, I don't want to be sad: I just am. The explanation is just too far beyond anything. - Anonymous

Nothing is ever really over...just over there. - Carrie Fisher

Planets come and go. Stars perish. Matter disperses, coalesces, forms into other patterns, other worlds. Nothing can be eternal except GOD. - The Doctor

You will have days where you feel better, and you will have days where you want to die. Both are okay. There is no magical cure. You just need to close your eyes, and trust that the waves will pass, and soon you'll be able to breathe again. - Anonymous

Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you. - Jeffrey Cranor

I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye. - Yann Martel

To suffer together is to know love. - Anonymous

What is grief, if not love persevering? - Vision

There is no state of being healed...there is just healing. - Anonymous

To be alive at all is to have scars. - John Steinback

You have to allow the paint to break to make it beautiful. - Bob Ross

You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. Now it's gone forever. So it's not real and I don't care about it anymore. - Jake

The soul has to go on loving in the emptiness, or at least to go on wanting to love, though it may only be with an infinitesimal part of itself. - Anonymous

Because it's senior year, I have begun to see things as potential absences: the things I love will become the things I'll miss. - Anonymous

Love is so short, forgetting is so long. - Pablo Neruda

But then it passed, as all things do. - Anonymous

I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. - J.R.R. Tolkien

And tomorrow will be kinder. - Secret Sisters

Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes. Ever so slightly, daily and nightly. In little ways, when everything stays. - Olivia Olson

[corrinne1978]

On a semi rainy day there were clouds, they looked like something in a 3D movie like they would burst at any second.

The thoughts in my mind rattling around in my head from anxiety, I had recently been in an accident on a day like this. I was feeling a bit scared.

Am I going to listen to my thoughts this time? Before the accident my mind was screaming “get off the highway and go to Minerva St.” but my heart was saying “no, Michael would want to come with you”

I have to learn to trust starting with my gut feeling. Then I must trust myself so I may meditate better. Then I must trust my magic because I can feel strength, I just want it now.

As the world turns ‘round and people run amuck everywhere. Scared and mad they want the truth about everything. Can we all handle the truth of one’s history? The masses want it I say give it to them if they don’t like it if they have been maddened even more let them live with the disgust and rage also tears(if need be)

We as a people , all different races have been enslaved. Our ancestors all cried locked in cages, brought on ships to far away lands so far from home they dare not ask. We have all been there, the Jews, the Ukrainians, the polish, look at religions, the Christians, Witches, Pagans,Muslims, even the white supremacy have been scared and in this fear begot a horrible hatred toward everyone.

We will be the exterminators of the Earth as we know it. We throw garbage in our water supplies, sewage, radiation all go into our water, who wants a fish? Not I! Our end will be spectacular when the sleeping beast in the Northern Hemisphere blows her top the mother of all Volcanoes here in USA Yellowstone. It will erupt like a thousand of Thor’s hammer beating the inside of the earth as it shakes and spits fire from below. After the ash spreads it will block the sun and make us cold. It will not stop at that it will be the end of all things.

[libidomechanica]

Untitled Composition # 12177

To-morrow, and she storms invert the domed and sang     a star with fame; for thogh he plucked an empty arms; it glide, all reward fast;—oh! Or where     madness was comming it from vice, or little broken chord. But women. Each eye it come     years and robes, and I much like to the conquer, without compose and write to tell his lonely     by far to han to rest of mariage?

Als Colin vp, ynough the while thy seruants     sing space where they meant for our little skill and me, the tall grasse ay green. In many as     skies in a likerousnesse, and mark of Oxenford, and doun, and made of. She gave us,     ere the queen’s one critical, be call’d as oddly. What else but innocent warmed very     coloured ever bent or snowie necke

lyke as when weep, and moderation—professors     and feeling no more; such plenty. Then they see. ’St my wealth had never being cryes, nor     dream. From my last defray, and drink of life is only bower’ in Moor-fields, throates, though     my mother’s shirt and sorrowe and dewdrops from such small xx, feelings crost; dissolving into     gold or she mayde and blue-eyed Sal

his blowing, lulled thrown humble vaine. Don Juan had a     prevent’s illuminate with all you it’s gonna be alone till Spring, and a poet.     So brilliant masquerade; so every where people written in the curb next of much     in the light refection; a bird-unders of this narrations’ by John Bull—I have not     gladly left behind, the laws but what

know what might—and brush what they are passioned there     maid; they lovėd me sight, priestess! Nor set, haply may yow soone to thee climes I range than look.     The cravat staine, bring the soul shoure, so as sourse, huge aquamarine teares doen, and silent     conne, my cover, nothing furious fraud of the practice, and the even democratic     in shape of all other

modesty with showers expanded on the tyrant     part of glory pricked peacefull bright find one gentleman of evening star who believe     my Lady Carolines around. A kerchief cover yet except there is his conduct,     sincere he was slayn hir lord, or official, and pleasure of beauty display’d: don     Juan also that you will blank sadness

wash’d, but tel me that theyr sondry wyse, but left an     orphan saw his spawn of wheels, which, thou art, it seemes a virgins bene all those hand     who, when I reigners—and more shap, and made a delusion. The gasping from comming new:     nought, and fears—but which all into dust I be of his drill, the Nightingale sing no deare,     I hadde winter, born without tel me

to blow! I long gold as open’d in they? A     heterogeneous maken more death, and there is that seith the human race, not to express,     modesty, after thither continue to feel the cannot pause? Payne: and everything     my thou make tomorrow I breyde. And this world—which, for hearts of those whom favour granteth!     Oh comes, adornd with your pryde: waile

we the filch away with what I under at ease;     with young Lochinvar. Thy bench, with an abstract love all its fires. Farewell before the moment     of it, sometimes with immediate refer you the homage which is found when trembling     fear I am the cloud, so farre from; there bene princely grace wad deave a things I     cast mine eyes may after a long woo’d

yours fail they ran: there was oft my lute unstrung, down     they call’d small, helpe me faire adoun. With you, ’ save his foore. Now dame, quod she, right not much zest     upon the doun, and my heart; this love were playing and battles are places where apace;—     esteeming with fame; for, since breast, and speak of delightest laces, and yong, and have but     she has crept so longer that he wolde

never, not blowes did young, for what happens, be     heart too late, much as call foxgloves tip with the deep deceits, and plumes within our little     ones that we are better wol heere. To beare, all eyes so rare, and ripens spirit of     al myn housbonde; this same loving, that, from over, and ask thee aright, since. Poor the wide     flattered all that would not lust. Yawning

all-conscience my fate, wish you the flowers lie in     bed, at greater gloome, a cardinal, that profit was an article. Blest, if he forks     for a solemnize: and the sea; nor, England, grew so—on the fisty ringed loues, lifting     of succeed; but I am Ra who doubt this tales the same and cools, or, if she rules. Sex     in shape of their souls’ antipodes.

Last night I’ll live no thrifty claim’d; through we known: and     in sight years pass’d in design, to reden on the best to all business at heaven. Stone     of thy heart, and your skin, those tears there’s George the bus, they do shouting a hands. Opinions     with holds a tree on what I know it with similar sad affrightened one his     grace; which, thoughted sages teaches girls

of sight; and silent, lone, but thou, Abelard has     parties small-eyed fly far into such sin a courages—why call the property, somehow     that holding, plumes and weep is all the world goes by day. His morning she did move I     feare, of Day and Night behind you so, ’ utter’d the censure; Silia does not swearing the     smiles I’me glorious liberty? So

well be, thinks all—tis fires maad with Damasquerade;     but may stay, so I waking hidden fears, for hym on the shrine when Rome’s another     warned you would be double of shrewe; that lurking demon December’s distill’d to take such     a chaste like Tom could make the universe: not grace. He toyed witches of that nyl be water.     Eye and chaste to pleye untrue. From

the weight like a decrepit father, brother, where     awful, could now all turn around, and contradiction, but what thou, Diviner still tyrant     o’er the lurking too entail’d to lovely, liquid, glorious poisonous wave and     new delight, that is called nowe my Muse, now no foul couldn’t real, his tinct, that no one had a     rider on the loade mines on your sex

are a much dangerous a passion from such a     purer than ther woes? And ye still decades offer a mille come his loue of rigour: beside     and were with Truman’s housbonde was al mankind, a heart, gather’s praise is due, only     forget. Farewell through, more finesse lend base subject quote whats good and face, and Ermines     on the glen sae rashy, O, I sette

that for a great desire, redde on her falling     on vs plentiously, and Paradise forlorne? I mean to feel it stranger matrons     country in Mexico I slepte, and whining nought of long a soften with their end, but     know not her ring as a Jehovah’s Witness. The Lady be yet day, If men breathes of     his dodging hidde he upon his path.

[lordkingsmith]

April lyric prompt list 2024

1. And all I know/Is that I want you so/Heavy on my mind/And the feelings grow/When you're dancing slow/I see your fire go/Electric indigo-Electric Indigo by The Paper Kites

2. And all my days are gone/Sitting on the floor/In my underwear/Begging you for more/'Cause I am a true romantic/Free falling love addict/I am a true romantic/Free falling love addict, yeah-Poplar St. by Glass Animals

3. Though we're tethered to the story we must tell/When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well/With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas/Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees-turning page by sleeping at last

4. Lose, soon have nothing to/Space, this is what I choose/A mile, could you walk in my shoes/All your, all your life/Let me face, let me face, let me face my fears/Oh, let me face, let me face, let me face my fears/Won't be long, won't be long, I'm almost here/Watch me cry all my tears-face my fears by Skrillex and Hikaru Utada

5. This is getting so complicated/It's a mess for the ages/And the feeling, feeling inside/Dancing on the edge of disaster/Makes my heart beat faster-dance you outta my head by Cat Janice

6. It's like a dream/No end and no beginning/You're here with me/It's like a dream/Let the choir sing-Like A Prayer by Madonna

7. I wrote God a simple letter/Still haven't heard from Him/I must have really messed up this time/Shit must have hit the fan-can I exist by Missio

8. Trust your heart & mind/Love yourself, be kind/Just seek & you shall find/Give it all, give it all, just try-Kings by MMXJ feat Gentle Bones

9. The lines we didn't cross when we were running towards a dream/The earthquake came/All that remained was broken up concrete/Walked through the flame/It left its name in scars on our bodies-foundations by MitiS

10. Less of the past and more of the future/Hurts looking back/But don't feel the same/I'm out of the woods/I'm out in the open/I hear the wind/See the world for a change/You never thought/That I would get better-Foundations by Mokita

11. Time to soldier up/Like never before/Rise above the flood/Time to soldier up/Get ready for war/Pay with sweat and blood/It's gonna take everything you got-vengeance by NEONI

12. Because they took our love and they filled it up/Filled it up with Novocaine and now I'm just numb/Now I'm just numb/And leave me, don't mind me, I'm just a son of a gun/So don't stop, don't stop 'till your heart goes numb-Novocaine by Fall Out Boy

13. Can't help I'm feeling like a reject/Sometimes I feel so damn derelict/You bathe me in the saltiest of tears/When I'm sad they show me how to face my fears./I'm not, not gonna lie/I think, think I could die happy/Happy, happy in his eyes-River by Oh Be Clever

14. Don't leave just yet/Dance with me love one last time, slowly/Drown me again, just like you did/One last time, lovely/Phantom you lay, across my bed one last time/If only, for a moment we could-phantom by Ørka

15. I tasted heaven, now I can't live without it/I can't forget you and your love is the loudest/Oh, I can't control it, I can't control it (Can't control it)/You keep making it harder to stay/But I still can't run away-prisoner by Miley Cyrus

16. And she lives her dreams through the magazines/And her daddy's gone and she needs someone/And she's got the looks and the boys on hooks/But she'll trade it all for a heart that's whole-Prom Queen by Molly Kate Kestner

17. Oh, the body swayed to music/Oh, the lightning glance/I would give it all and all/Maybe you would hear me/Ask for half a chance-Róisín Murphy

18. You're alone for 25/And you keep wantin' to be by yourself/I told you wickedness is contagious/Don't tell me you can dish it but you can't take it/Since you started this/I'll drive you mad, I've got incentive-Nomyn and Veela

19. Fallen angels at my feet/Whispered voices at my ear/Death before my eyes/Lying next to me I fear/She beckons me, shall I give in?/Upon my end, shall I begin/Forsaking all I've fallen for?-whisper by evanescence

20. Everything will slip away/Shattered pieces will remain/When memories fade into emptiness/Only time will tell its tale/If it all has been in vain-Frozen by Within Temptation

21. Walk the dark path/Sleep with angels/Call the past for help/Touch me with your love/And reveal to me my true name/Oh, how I wish/For soothing rain/All I wish is to dream again/My loving heart/Lost in the dark-Nemo by Nightwish

22. So one day he found her crying/Coiled up on the dirty ground/Her prince finally came to save her/And the rest you can figure out/But it was a trick and the clock struck 12-brick by boring brick by Paramore

23. In between/What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine/Love is so confusing there's no peace of mind/If I fear I'm losing you. it's just no good/You teasing like you do-heart of glass by blondie

24. And I don't talk shit about you on the internet/Never told anyone anything bad/'Cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything/And all that you did was make me fucking sad/So don't waste the time I don't have/And don't try to make me feel bad-happier than ever by Billie Eilish

25. Mama said/Burn your biographies/Rewrite your history/Light up your wildest dreams/Museum victories, every day/We wanted everything, wanted everything-high hopes by panic! At the disco

26. Hook, line & sinker- drop it down to the bottom/Butterfly float, flicker, soar to the top/Kill for the thrill- cut it, stick it where you got him/Circle rolling under, running red to the stop-pretty little head by Eliza Rickman

27. It's all gone wrong, Heaven hold us/We've lost the sun, Heaven told us/The world was strong, Heaven hold us/Where do we go when it's all over?/Come back from the future/For we didn't fall-when it’s all over by RAIGN

28. You're the moon that glows in the sky/Lighting up the world when it's blue/Stars they dance though late in the night/Don't you know they dance just for you-Aphrodite by the Ridleys

29. Do you hum a little tune all day long?/Do you hear my name in the chorus of your song?/When you sing your song/Does it make you feel brand new?/Tell me, darling, please tell me true-tell me true by Sarah Jarosz

30. I used to shut my door while my mother screamed in the kitchen/I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen/To every little fight, 'cause neither one was right/I swore I'd never be like them/But I was just a kid back then-older by Sasha Alex Sloan

[bewitchingfanfiction]

ST 2022/06/26

The moment El hit the floor, they knew they were screwed.

No number of rocks, bats, or even guns could protect them from this monster. They were at Billy’s mercy the second he broke out of the sauna.

And to say they were terrified would be an understatement.

Max was paralyzed where she stood, and Will and Lucas weren’t faring much better.

But Mike wasn’t frozen. Was he scared? Absolutely. He’d be insane to not feel fear right now.

And what he was doing was stupid. He was going to die for this. He knew that.

But that didn’t mean he hesitated for even a second before storming over to Billy, who was choking El with his bare hand, and smacking him over the head with a metal rod.

“GO TO HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” He hissed when Billy collapsed to the floor. He went to hit him again.

But Billy grabbed the rod before it could make good contact and tossed it aside as he stood up.

Mike stepped back until he was pressed against the wall, eyes wide with fear as Billy approached him.

He already knew there was nothing he could do. He didn’t have powers; he wasn’t a superhero.

But he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t do whatever he could to protect El, so he had no regrets.

Mike closed his eyes; he’s accepted his fate.

Only…the hit never came. Mike’s eyes shot open to see something incredible.

Billy was being levitated into the air, and suddenly El was in front of him, blood pouring from her nose and her hands stretched outwards towards Billy, a furious and unforgiving expression resting on her face.

"DON'T...TOUCH... HIM!!!" She all but roared before sending Billy through the brick wall.

One look at everyone else told Mike they were all in shock. They were all certain El was down for the count; out of energy.

But here she was, standing in front of Mike like some kind of knight in shining armor.

Like a superhero.

El’s loud sobs rang out as she collapsed backwards against Mike, legs turned to jelly. Mike wrapped his arms around her in a tight hold as they slid down against the wall.

“Mike…” El hiccupped, turning her head weakly to look at him with eyes full of tears. “You’re not hurt…tell me you’re not hurt.” She croaked, unable to do anything but lean against him. She was completely drained.

He smiled tearfully down at her, his hold tightening. “Thanks to you. I’m fine…really, hey,” He brought a hand up to her cheek to wipe some of her tears away, looking into her eyes. “I’m fine, I promise.”

El sniffled and gave a weak smile in return.

But her smile didn’t last long, as her eyes filled with more tears and a look of terrible regret formed. “Oh Mike…I-I don’t care if you lied, I still love you…Max said to break up with you because you were treating me bad but…but I don’t think that’s true… you…have always been kind to me.”

She may have not known much kindness in her life, but what she did know is that Mike was never someone she considered evil or cruel.

Mike was safe.

He was home.

Mike let out a breathy chuckle, running a hand through her hair. “I’m supposed to apologize to you. I-I hurt you and I am…so sorry. I just didn’t want you taken away from me…but it happened anyway.”

As the others gazed outside to see what was happening with Billy, Mike glanced at them briefly before smiling down at El.

“You know…my friends have given me a lot of advice lately on how to handle our relationship, you know back when we had one…but I’m done listening. This is our relationship El, not theirs. And all I know is…is…” His voice quieted as he struggled to get the words out, tears filling his eyes in mild frustration. “I…I love you, El. Please…don’t leave me.”

El weakly pulled herself up to press her forehead against his. “Never. Never again Mike. Never again. I love you too.” She pressed her lips against his and suddenly all the problems in the world didn’t seem so big anymore.

The two stood up from the floor and went over to the others. Billy had run off.

They still had a world to save, but something about holding El’s hand in his own, made Mike believe it would all truly be okay in the end.

As long as they were together, they could beat anything.

[rollerskate2theface]

Robin Buckley dances like Roland does in Tears for Fears Mad World music video, pass it on