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arlana-likes-to-write · 1 year

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Lightning Bug - Chapter 19

Master List

Warning: fluff, like a lot of fluff, mention of past trauma, touch deprivation

Word count: 4.9k

You weren’t in your room, that much you knew but opening your eyes to look around was a feat in itself. Everything felt heavy. You gathered your remaining strength and opened your eyes. Big mistake. The lights were far too bright and it caused your head to throb. Immediately, shutting them again and a small whimper left your lips. A voice said your name. You tried to determine who it was but your head hurt too much. They said it again. This time you slowly opened your eyes and turned your head slightly towards the voice. It was Helen, so you must be in med bay. “What happened?” You asked. Your throat was killing you and you had no memory of what occurred.

“You're in med bay,” she said. “Does anything hurt?”

“Just my head,” you winced as you sat up.

“That is to be expected,” she handed you a cup of water. You downed the entire thing. “Do you have any memory of what happened?” You thought about it. It was like someone went in and erased part of your memory. “You had an attack, fell, and hit your head on your nightstand. You’ve been unconscious for a little over 2 days.” 2 days?! That was a first. “We are saying you had a seizure but we both know that’s not true,” she sat in the empty chair next to you. You heard voices in the hallway.

“Do they know?” She nodded her head. You looked down at your uncovered hands. “I’m so afraid of myself, Dr. Cho.” You admitted. There was so much blood on your hands.

“Are you afraid because people told you to be afraid and corrupted the viewpoint you have of yourself?” You didn’t respond. “Bruce was afraid of the Hulk. America and Wanda feared their powers and I can guess that Natasha feared the person the Red Room tried to create. You live with a group of people who understand that fear but you need to let them in and allow them to shoulder that fear with you,” you saw her glance at your hands. “How long has it been since someone friendly touched your skin?”

“Too long,” you whispered, tears pooling at the corner of your eyes. The only person that was never afraid of you was your brother. “Is Natasha here?” You vaguely remember her saying she had to leave for a mission with Wanda. Helen nodded. “Can you get her me? I’d leave to speak with her alone.” You watched Helen leave your room and close the door. With a sigh, you looked up at the ceiling. A weird feeling began to form in your stomach. It wasn’t jealousy or the tingling feeling you felt when your powers needed to be released. You pinpointed the feeling to nervousness.

It felt like a lifetime ago when you made a bucket list and on your list was to hug Natasha. You wondered how her hands would feel against yours or her arms around you as she hugged you. Would she even hug you or would she turn you away?

That feeling began to grow. It made your body warm up and a small smile formed on your lips. For the first time in a long time, you felt okay.

The door closing caused Natasha to look up and the conversation stopped. The Black Widow wasn’t sure what Kate, Yelena, and America were talking about, to focused on the door in front of her. “Are her vitals still good?” Natasha asked the doctor. She was becoming concerned about how long it’s been. Helen smiled.

“Great actually,” she said. “She’s awake and wants to talk to you, alone,” she looked at the Black Widow.

“Me?” She questioned. Helen nodded.

“I’ll give you some space and I’ll come back to check on her later.” Natasha sighed, looking at the door that separated her and the young girl.

“Why do you think she only wants to talk to me?” She asked her girlfriend.

“Just don’t sit there and go find out,” Yelena said, pushing on her back. Natasha rolled her eyes and stood up. She felt Wanda squeeze her hand before she walked over to the door. Letting out a shaky breath and trying to push down her nervousness, she opened the door. The door closing behind her caused the teen to look up.

“Hi Nat,” she whispered. Her voice was so soft. No matter how many times Natasha looked into her eyes the color took her breath away. But she was so glad to see them because it meant she was okay. They looked different somehow as she made her way to the chair she sat in for the past 2 days. “I’m sorry you and Wanda got pulled from your mission,” the teen continued.

“Don’t apologize. Your health and well-being are far more important. Besides I would rather be here than kissing some politician’s ass,” Natasha expected her to smile instead she frowned.

“This is still new to me,” she said. “The idea that people generally care about me. For my entire life,” she hit the bed. “I’ve been hurt by people that shouldn’t have hurt me and I’ve been called horrible names because of something I was born with. I was a freak, a monster, and an abomination,” her voice creaked and Natasha saw her eyes swell with tears but they didn’t fall. “I’ve learned to fear myself because of what others called me and forced me to do,” she looked at Natasha and the sight was breaking the Black Widow’s heart. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I’d like to try to open up to all of you and tell you what happened to me.”

“Whenever you're ready we’ll listen.”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she repeated and raised her hand to Natasha. The teen nodded, a sign to tell it was okay. Natasha felt her stomach drop as she whipped her hand on her pant leg and raised her own. Green eyes locked onto blue to try to find any second guessing but Natasha saw none. So connected their hands. She was surprised at how soft they were, a little dry from years of being covered. The teen gasped and Natasha tried to pull her hand back but she held it tighter. Tears started to fall down her face. “It’s been so long,” she whispered. “So long since hands that won’t hurt me have touched my skin,” she was staring at their connected hands. Finally, she looked up. “Can -?” She cleared her throat. “Can I have a hug?”

“Of course,” Natasha tried to keep her voice steady as she didn’t want to sound too excited. This was something she’s been wanting for so long. She stood up and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, opening her arms. There was some understandable hesitation but Natasha wanted her to make the first move. Soon the teen hugged the Black Widow. She waited for her to get used to the feeling before wrapping her arms around her. Y/n tensed up and Natasha feared she did something to trigger the young girl but she relaxed. Natasha adjusted her position on the bed as she felt tears stain her shirt. The girl’s whole body was shaking. “Sh molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug),” Natasha whispered. “You're safe. I got you.” She kissed the top of her head. The small action and statement caused a sob to escape her and Natasha held her tighter.

All of your senses were consumed by the Black Widow and it was overwhelming. You wondered if she could feel how fast your heart was beating but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. When Natasha touched your hand, her skin was warm against yours. Her hand was rough due to years of training and her fingers had calluses on them. She didn’t hesitate when you asked for a hug and you never felt more safe than in her arms. Her hands rubbed soothing circles on your back. The last time you were held like this was with your brother and that was so long ago. Natasha moved slightly and her hand left her back. You couldn’t help the whine that left your lips. “Sh, milyy (sweetie), I’m not going anywhere.” You heard footsteps approaching you. Glancing, you saw it was Wanda.

“Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I can leave if you want.” You ended the hug with Natasha, missing her warmth immediately.

“I’m okay,” you said. “I want you to stay,” you looked at Wanda’s hands. How would they compare to Natasha’s? You mirrored the same action with Natasha and held out your hand. Unlike her girlfriend, Wanda didn’t hesitate to take your hand. “Your hand is so soft!” It was true. The witch had no calluses on her fingers. Wanda giggled at your blunt comment, and your cheeks blushed.

“I use a good moisturizer,” she smiled. Wanda let her hand so they were palm to palm, comparing the size difference. Once you were done, you instinctively rested your head on Natasha’s shoulder. “Are you up for more visitors?” She asked. You nodded and Wanda walked back to the door.

“Molniyenosnyy zhuk,” you said. “What’s that mean?” You looked up at her and she was smiling. She said it a few more times for you to get it right.

“It means a lightning bug,” her smile grew. “Do you know how lightning bugs glow?” You shook your head. “When I was about your age, Yelena and I were in the backyard with our mom and she told us they can convert chemical energy into the glowing light we see called bioluminescence,” she explained.

“Kind of like me,” she nodded.

“Yes, exactly like you,” Natasha tapped you on the nose causing you to scrunch it. “So you are a molniyenosnyy zhuk.” You liked it. It was the first time you’ve had a nickname. Smiling, you burrowed your head into Natasha’s side. She smelt like vanilla and you wondered if it was from her perfume or Wanda’s. The sound of the door opening caused you to sit up a little. It was Yelena, Kate, and America. You smiled at the sight of your friends.

“Gave us quite a scare,” Yelena teased, making your cheeks blush and offering her a shy smile. You let Natasha move away and allowed the trio to come closer.

“Sorry about that,” you said, scratching the back of your head. “That attack,” you still weren’t sure what to call it. “Took me by surprise.”

“Could you tell when they would come?” Wanda asked. You nodded. It felt weird talking about it. This was a secret you kept close to your heart because you were forced to.

“It starts with a tingle in my palms,” you told them. “It doesn’t happen all the time only if there is a lot of energy or my emotions are all over the place,” you sighed, looking down at your hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said honestly.

“It’s okay bud,” Kate smiled. “We are just glad you are okay.” You were glad too because if you weren’t you wouldn't be able to get a hug from Natasha or feel Wanda’s hands. You raised your hands to Kate and Yelena. The couple stole a glance at each other before connecting their hands with yours. It was a strange contrast. Yelena’s hand was cold but you couldn’t tell if it was from her rings or she was just normally cold. Her hands were smooth, unlike her sisters. Now for Kate’s hand, it was warm and her hands were rough from using her bow. You let go of their hands.

“Thank you for trusting me,” you told them. “Not many people do.”

“Trust is a two-way street,” Yelena said. “So thank you for trusting us.” You looked at America, who was oddly quiet. You could feel her nervous energy radiating off of her as you raised her hand. But she didn’t take it.

“Are you sure?” She asked instead. You squint your eyes, tilting your head at her question. “Do you remember the last time we were together?” Of course, you did. You were so scared that she was going to hate you or everyone was going to be mad. But they weren’t.

“I do,” you smiled. “But I’m done being afraid. You're my best friend.” Her eyes widened at your concession and soon she took your hand. It was hard to describe the feeling of her hand in yours. It felt right. You felt your face heat up and quickly let go of her hand, not missing the smirks on Natasha and Wanda’s faces. “So,” you said, whipping her hands on the blanket. They felt very sweaty all of a sudden. “Fill me in on everything I’ve missed.”

“Knock, knock,” the laughter stopped as the door opened and you saw Pepper and Tony walk in. “Are you up for two more visitors?”

“Yeah!” You said but you were distracted by the table that Tony wheeled in with a blanket covering a tower-like structure.

“What’s that?” Kate asked.

“A little surprise for the kid,” Tony smiled at you. “But we have to wait for Bruce so please continue this cute family moment.” Wanda waved her hand and two chairs appeared for Tony and Pepper. You were amazed by her powers, a little jealous of the things she could do with them. The conversation continued as stories were passed around. Tony and Natasha went back and forth telling the story of Natasha’s undercover work in Stark Industries. Her fighting Happy in the boxing ring sent you into a fit of giggles. Your laughter continued as Yelena told stories about her and Natasha’s father. It was nice to sit and laugh with them. You felt normal.

“I thought I had a two-person visiting policy,” Helen teased, walking into your room.

“To be fair that rule was only when I was unconscious,” you smiled. The doctor glared but you saw no real threat in it.

“You're worse than Natasha,” the Black Widow gasped, clutching her chest.

“I’m a perfect patient, thank you very much,” Helen rolled her eyes as the group erupted into laughter. She started to check on your vitals and the tablet Tony was holding began to ring.

“Hey Big Green,” Tony answered. “Say hello to the star of the hour,” he turned the tablet around. You saw Bruce standing in a lab you didn’t recognize.

“Glad to see you are okay,” he smiled.

“Hi Bruce,” you waved at the doctor. Your eyes went back to the covered object as everyone said their hellos. “So,” you said, slowly. “Can I see what’s under the blanket?” Tony laughed.

“I’m calling it the Stark Recharge,” the billionaire said, handing the tablet to Pepper and taking off the blanket. There was a big red target connected to a metal coil spring. At the end of the spring was a box with 4 batteries. Each batter had a meter to monitor their charge.

“What is it?” America asked.

“It kind of looks like a cell tower,” Yelena said, with her head tilted. You giggled.

“Cho said it’s important to use your powers,” you looked at the doctor, who was nodding her head. “This is a safe and controlled way for you to use them,” Brue said.

“You hit this target with your powers and the electricity you produce charges these batteries,” Tony explained. “These batteries will be sent to homeless centers and countries that need them.”

“It’s so you can relearn that your powers aren’t something to be afraid of,” Pepper added. You looked at the CEO. “That when applied correctly they can do some good.” Have you ever used your powers for good? Your parents never wanted you to use them unless it was a way to benefit them which turned into being at the church for long hours to power it. With HYDRA, there were no good moments just pain, torture, and bloodshed. All of your life, your powers were used to break the law and cause so much pain.

“Can I try it?” You asked the group. Natasha looked at Helen for her final say.

“Yes,” she finally said after some thought. “Just don’t overdo it.” She took off the ekgs and the clear tube around your nose. With the help of Wanda, you got out of bed. The ground was cold on your bare feet as you stood in front of the machine.

“So I just aim for the target,” Tony nodded. “And if I miss?” You questioned.

“Then you miss and hit the wall,” he shrugged. “Walls are easy to fix.” You nodded, shaking out your legs and arms.

“It’s been a while since I’ve used them. You might want to stand back.” But they didn’t move. They trusted you so you just had to trust yourself. You sighed, closing your eyes. It was so strange how a few harsh words and punishments could change your perspective on yourself. There was a time you liked the stuff you could do. You were like a superhero in the books you read. You let out a shaky breath, steadying the beat of your heart. Then you focused on their heartbeat, the energy they were creating, and the electricity in the room. It was strong and steady and for a very long time since you weren’t afraid. Your fingers began to move, mimicking the way a pianist played the piano. You felt your fingers and hands tingle. You looked at your hand and watched the electricity dance around your fingers. Smiling, you extended your arm, and the stream of electricity left and traveled toward the machine. A direct hit on the target and the batteries began to fill. When they were at 100%, you cut off the stream. Your chest was heaving, not used to using your powers.

“How do you feel, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug)?” You looked at the Black Widow.

“Good,” you said honestly. “Like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easily again.”

Helen cleared you that evening. After a shower and a quick dinner, you found yourself on the couch laying on Kate’s stomach as she flipped through the streaming services to find a movie. It was so different from cuddling with her over a blanket. You could feel the warmth she radiated off and sometimes she could run her fingers through your hair. “Are you stealing my girlfriend?” Yelena asked, sitting by your feet. “Can I pet your legs on my lap?” You nodded and she lifted your legs.

“I’m not stealing her,” you smiled. “Just burrowing her.” You felt Kate’s laughter rumble through her.

“We can cuddle anytime,” she said. “Alright, when I’m not cuddling Lena.” She added on quickly. The blonde’s cheek turned a light pink which caused you to giggle.

“What are you watching?” America asked, climbing over the couch to sit next to Kate. She had a bowl of popcorn and you took some from her.

“No clue,” Kate said, throwing the remote at Yelena. “Pick something.” The Russian rolled her eyes. “Oh I’m about to lose my cuddle buddy in 3,2, and 1,” Kate mumbled as Wanda and Natasha sat on the other side of the couch. Your body tensed up as you stared at the couple but you didn’t move. “Go on,’ Kate said. You looked up at the archer.

“Are you sure?” You asked. Kate nodded with a smile. You sat up and walked over to the couple, fidgeting with your hands.

“Can I sit with you guys?” You asked, pointing to the space between them.

“Pop a squat, squirt,” Natasha said, moving over slightly. You sat down, resting your head on Natasha’s shoulder.

“I’m putting on the Greatest Showman,” Yelena said. “Any objections? No. Perfect.” You didn’t care what you watched, perfectly content with being right here.

It wasn’t long before Natasha noticed the teen falling asleep against her. “Do you want to go to bed?” Natasha whispered. She shook her head, instead, she moved closer to Natahsa and rested her head on her chest. Wanda maneuvered the girl’s legs across her lap. A small smile formed on her face.

“Can I see your magic?” She asked the witch, keeping her voice too low to not disturb the movie. Wanda nodded and her fingers began to glow. To Natasha’s surprise, the girl raised her hand and the flow moved from Wanda’s fingers to her own. “It feels alive,” she whispered. “Like a small heartbeat.” She connected their hands and the red glow was put out. Natasha saw tears forming in her girlfriend’s eyes. “I like it,” she closed her eyes. Soon her breathing evened out and she was asleep, still holding on tightly to Wanda’s hand.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked, putting her hand on the back of Wanda’s neck and playing with the baby's hair.

“Yeah,” she whispered, looking at their connected hands. “I’m great.”

“So where is this ring from?” You asked, holding onto Yelena’s hand and looking at the rings. You and the blonde were tasked with breakfast duty. It was probably easier to order and have Happy pick it up but you wanted to see Annie and get a hug from her. Yelena looked at the ring you asked about.

“It’s a handle of a spoon made into a ring,” she said, taking it off and handing it to you. It was a very unique design and it was impressive that it was a spoon. “One of the Widows we saved opened up a small business to sell them.”

“It’s beautiful,” you handed it back to her. “I think I want some rings. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to wear them. You know with the whole ability to produce electricity,” Yelena chuckled, allowing you to take her hand again.

“How does it feel to have everyone know?” She asked. You tilted your head as you thought about it. You haven’t had much time to think about it. It was weird, and bizarre to have a group of people know what you could do and not blink an eye. They acted like nothing changed.

“Kind of weird,” you admitted. “I guess it’s another thing I have to get used to.” Yelena opened the door to the cafe. The familiar bell announced your presence in the busy cafe. Annie looked up and she smiled when she saw you. She spun around to talk to someone but you weren’t close enough to hear what she said. Annie left the counter and a young girl took her place. “Did you hire someone?” You asked as she walked over to you.

“We did,” she led you over to her office. “We’ve been busy and we needed extra help.” She opened the door and ushered you in. “How are you, sugar?” She asked as the door closed behind you. “They told me you were hurt.” You looked at the Russian, unaware that Annie was informed. She shrugged.

“She’s important to you so she’s a part of this family,” you smiled.

“I’m good actually. The best I’ve been.”

“That’s great!” She excitedly said. “I’m so happy for you.” It was now or never you thought, playing with the bottom of your shirt.

“We came here for more than just food,” she tilted her head. “Can I have a hug?” You asked. The surprise on her face made you smile. For as long known as the Breaux, they knew your fear of touching others. “I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you to you and Paul,” you said, trying to look anywhere besides the woman in front of you. “You saved my life so thank you.”

“Oh sweetheart, come here,” she held out her arms. Without hesitation, you hugged her. Her arms wrapped around you. She was warm and smelt like cinnamon, sugar, and coffee. It smelt like home.

“You wanted to speak with us,” Natasha said, sitting down in the empty chairs in front of Helen’s desk with Wanda. FRIDAY notified the couple that the doctor wanted to speak with them. It filled Natasha with unnecessary anxiety.

“It’s nothing bad,” she told them, closing a file. “How much do you know about touch deprivation?”

“It occurs when some doesn’t get as much or any physical touch,” Wanda said. Helen nodded.

“It’s just physical touch but any emotional interaction. A person may feel isolated or experience symptoms of depression,” the doctor explained.

“You think Y/n is touch deprived.” Natasha guessed where this conversation was headed.

“Yes. She admitted to not having her skin touched positively for a long time. Skin-to-skin contact is not only for mental and emotional health but physical health, too,” she leaned forward, head resting on her hands. “I love that she’s opening up to all of you and allowing herself that level of comfort but I wanted to go over some things with you.”

“Of course,” Natasha said. “We’ll do anything to help her.” So Helen began to explain ways to help. Give her plenty of positive touch and never associate touch with negativity like pinching or pushing her away.

“Set boundaries with her and don’t be worried if she regresses to younger behaviors. Her entire life she’s been denied a safe place to receive love, now she has it.”

“Do you think having her speak with someone could help?” Natasha suggested. She remembered Sam saying he could find someone to talk to. Helen thought for a moment.

“I think it could do her some good but I wouldn’t spring it onto her now,” she said. “It took a while for her to trust you and she hasn’t fully opened up yet. Give her time to adjust to this new normal.”

You were playing thumb war with Sam on the common floor when the elevator opened. A glance over and you saw Wanda and Natasha. “Ah I won,” Sam said, pinning your thumb with his. You stuck your tongue out at him.

“Breakfast is from Annie’s,” you told the couple as they walked over to the kitchen. The tower was quiet. America was at the Sanctum, Yelena, Tony, and Maria was in Overwatch, and Kate was working on more trick arrows in the lab. You swung your legs as they made their plate.

“Have you eaten?” Wanda asked.

“This girl can eat,” Sam teased, rustling your hair. You pushed his hand away. “Is Helen free?” Natasha nodded. “I’ll see you guys later.” It was not you three alone.

“Why were you with Helen?” You asked, sipping on your orange juice.

“She just wanted to go over some stuff about you and your recovery that we can help you with,” you gave her a questioning look. Natasha sighed, taking a small bite of her food. “Do you know about touch deprivation?” She asked. You nodded, crossing your arms. Sometimes you would feel your arms tingle when you watch those around you embrace. An ache in your chest would grow and you knew it was loneliness.”

“Helen thinks I’m touch deprived,” you said, not able to look at them. The soft hand of Wanda touched your arm. “Natasha was my first hug in 9 years,” you admitted. “Before that, I would get a hug from my brother when my parents weren’t around.” You finally looked up. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up.” You tried to joke to lighten the mood.

“Sweetheart, you’ve been through a lot of your age,” Natasha said. “We all have baggage that we carry.”

“But now you don’t have to do it alone,” Wanda added.

“So, you don’t mind that I want to cuddle with you.” It was a fear that was bubbling inside of you. They were only doing this to be nice.

“Not at all,” Natasha smiled. “And if we can’t or we’re busy we’ll tell you, okay?” You nodded, smiling.

“I hugged Annie today,” you told them. “It was nice.”

“I’m proud of you, dorogoy (sweetheart),” you smiled at her praise. “So what’s your plan for today?” You shrugged. You haven’t thought about that. You haven’t read in a while or practiced your Russian but those activities seemed like a lot of work still. So, you were just going to hang around the tower and you told the couple that. “Do you want to hang out with us?”

“Yes!” You said without any hesitation. “I mean, yes sure sounds good.” Your cheeks flushed at your excitement. Natasha chuckled.

“That was cute,” your cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “We’ll show you some of our favorite spots in the city. We’ll clean this up and we’ll head out. Do you need anything from your room?” You nodded, waiting to grab your phone. “Perfect! We’ll meet you up there.” You jumped off your seat and took the stairs to your floor. On your nightstand, the yellow rubber gloves were there. You picked them up and sat down on your bed. For the longest time, the gloves were the only thing in your life that was constant. Every morning, afternoon, and night they were there to cover your hands and offered you a sense of protection and safety.

“Hey,” you looked up at Natasha. “Are you okay?” She asked, leaning against your doorway.

“Yeah,” you said, hitting the gloves against your hands. “Just thinking,” you put your phone into your pocket and walked into the kitchen. With one final look at the gloves, you threw them away. It was time to move forward and not let fear control your future.

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arlana-likes-to-write · 1 year

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Lightning Bug - Chapter 18

Master list

Warning: this chapter mentions self-harm and a depressive episode for our reader. Lots of angst.

Word Count: 4.3k

“Any changes?” Natasha asked her girlfriend as she walked into the kitchen, an empty bowl in her hands.

“She ate better than yesterday,” she put the plate in the sink. “But she still hasn’t said a word.” It seemed to be the trend. The young girl stayed locked in her room since the car incident. That was 3 days ago. They feared that they were gonna have to get Helen involved because of her lack of eating but she began to eat what Wanda brought her.

“I’m getting worried,” Kate said, playing with the spider-shaped necklace around her neck. It was a gift from Yelena when the couple first started dating. Yelena wore an arrow, similar to the one that Clint gifted Natasha. But the Black Widow was getting worried too. She even called Laura asking for advice. The mother of three gave the best advice she could, being a little out of her element since her three didn’t have powers.

“She needs to work through this,” Natasha said. “And when she’s ready we’ll be here to catch her.” The whole tower seemed to be affected by it. But America seemed to have taken it the hardest, spending more time at the Sanctum and traveling the multiverse. The elevator opened and Maria walked out, holding a folder in her hand. “No,” Natasha found herself saying before Maria opened her mouth. The agent smiled.

“I’m sorry but Fury asked for you and Wanda,” Natasha grabbed the folder out of her hand. It was nothing dangerous, just smooth talking with some politicians. She slammed the folder close, a little harder than she attended.

“Have him send someone else?” Wanda took the folder from her. There was no way in hell she was leaving the tower.

“Don’t you think I tried, Nat,” Maria opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. “We are stretched thin,” she popped open the beer and took a long sip. It was only 11:30 but Natasha saw the bags forming underneath her eyes. “I know things are tense but I don’t have a choice.

“Sestra,” Natasha looked at Yelena. “We’ll make sure she’s okay.” There were times like this Natasha hated her job and envied Clint. She wished she had a house in the middle of nowhere with no missions or need to train. Her family was happy and safe on a few acres of land. But there was so much red in her ledger for her to stop now.

“Fine,” she said. “We’ll do it but Fury owes me,” Maria smirked, chuckling.

“That list keeps getting longer and longer.

The world around you seems muted, muffled as if you were submerged underwater. Nothing was clear, everything sounded far off as you stared ahead. You had no energy to move from your bed. Every bone in your body ached and your head felt fuzzy. The only interaction you had was with Wanda bringing you food. The interaction was a loose way you’d describe it. Wanda did most of the talking, you weren’t even sure what she was saying. But you ate the food even though it tasted bitter so they wouldn’t worry. And you knew they were. You couldn’t pull yourself out of this pit you were in. Every Time you tried to crawl your way out you were pulled back in. It was an exhausting, endless cycle as your mind degraded you. Monster. Freak. Killer. Worthless. You believed every word.

When your door opened you were sitting up, coloring on a piece of paper. It was the only thing that you could bring yourself to do. The music was too loud. Reading seemed too hard. And practicing Russian left your brain fried. You were expecting to see Wanda unsure of when the last time you saw the witch. But Natasha walked in with her girlfriend. “Hey dorogoy,” she said, sitting down on your bed. Your legs were crossed so she sat closer to you than expected. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” Horrible. Bad. She smiled. Your throat was a little sore from disuse. Wanda chose to stand behind the Black Widow. You felt uneasy. Did they finally have enough of you? Were they here to kick you out?

“That’s good!” Wanda said. You nodded. “Nat and I have to leave for a few days.”

“Fury is sending us on a quick assignment,” you frowned. They were leaving because of you. They didn’t want to deal with you.

“Oh,” you said, looking back down. “How long will you be gone?”

“2 days max,” Natasha said. You nodded. “Kate and Yelena will be here if you need anything,” you nodded again. “And we’ll be a phone call away, okay?” She added.

“Okay,” you whispered, glancing up at them. “I’m sorry,” you looked back down. “I’m not sure where my head is.”

“It’s okay,” Wanda assured you. “We’ll be here when it gets all sorted out.” They were about to leave but you called out to them.

“Be safe,” you said. “Come back in one piece.” Natasha smiled.

“Always,” the Black Widow closed your door behind them. You thought you’d be grateful for the silence, to be alone again. But it unsettled you, it scared you. Oh, how you wished you could be back in time and stop all this from happening.

A shower was the first thing on your to-do list when your head felt less fuzzy. You didn’t realize how much it would help as the warm water washed over you. It made you feel human. You were walking out of your closet, dressed in fresh clothes, and drying your hair when it hit. It came out of nowhere. The feeling started in your legs, which was new. Your legs began to tingle and your feet cemented to the ground. The feeling traveled up to your stomach and chest where you felt warm. That fuzzy feeling returned in your head. Your muscles tensed up as the wave of electricity moved through your body. Every time you thought it was done it kept going and going. Finally, it stopped. Black spots appeared in front of your eyes and the metallic taste of your blood filled your mouth. You fell to the ground, unable to find the strength to keep yourself standing. A sheering pain ran through your head and the world went black.

Steve was watching Bucky read. It was moments like this that he treasured. No mission. No meeting or training. No paperwork. Just quietness and the opportunity to admire the man he loved. Steve glanced at Bucky one more time before returning to his sketchbook. “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, Miss. Y/n fell and hit her hand. I’ve already alerted Dr. Cho.” Steve never jumped to his feet so fast and ran to Natasha’s floor. The elevator would take too long. He took three stairs and heard Bucky behind him. By the time Steve got to her door, his chest was heaving and he opened her bedroom door. He saw her, laying face down on her floor. A small pool of blood was forming near her head. “FRIDAY alert Yelena and tell her to get back to the tower.” Steve bent down to pick her up but Bucky placed a head on his shoulder.

“She doesn’t like skin-to-skin contact,” he said. Steve pulled off a blanket from her bed and carefully picked her up, being mindful of not touching her skin.

“Miss. Belova is on her way back,” the AI said. “Should I contact Miss. Romanoff and Miss. Maximoff?”

“Negative, FRIDAY,” Bucky said, following Steve to the elevator. He looked at his boyfriend as the doors opened. “It’s probably better if one of us tells them and not an AI.” He was right. Steve looked at the unconscious girl in his arms and prayed to whoever God was listening that she would be okay.

Yelena felt her heart in her throat as she rode the elevator to med bay. They left the tower for just a few hours to try to get America out of the fuck she was in. She didn’t regret leaving because it was nice to see her friend smile again but Yelena couldn’t help but feel guilty. The doors opened and she saw Steve, Bucky, and Sam waiting in the chairs outside a room. “What happened?” Yelena asked, walking over to them with her girlfriend close behind. Steve looked up.

“We don’t know,” he said. “Helen is still doing her assessment. All FRIDAY said was she hit her head.”

“It could be because she hasn't been eating,” Kate said. “She just may need some food and a good night's sleep.” Yelena heard the elevator door’s open and she saw Pepper and Tony walk over. A party was happening down here.

“What happened?” The CEO asked.

“We were just discussing that,” Yelena said, filling in the couple on what they missed.

“FRIDAY, can you tell us what happened?” Tony asked the AI. It took a moment for FRIDAY to respond which Yelena thought was odd.

“It appears that Miss. Y/n has undiagnosed epilepsy,” the AI said. “This is not the first incident to occur but she asked me to not notify you when an episode happened.”

“Epilepsy?” Steve questioned, looking at Kate and Yelena for clarification. But the Black Widow was just as lost as everyone else. Helen came out of the room, gently closing the door behind her.

“Is she alright?” Pepper was the first to ask. “I know epilepsy that goes untreated can cause brain damage. We -”

“Time out,” Helena said, cutting the CEO off. “Epilepsy? Where are you getting that from?”

“FRIDAY informed us she had epilepsy,” Bucky said. “And it wasn’t the first time she had an episode.”

“She doesn't have epilepsy and she didn’t have a seizure although her symptoms mirror it.” The doctor explained.

“Then what happened?” Yelena questioned. Helen sighed.

“Steve and Bucky told me of her powers. Have any of you seen her use them?” A chorus of no and headshakes was the answer the doctor received. Before the incident with Pepper’s car, Yelena believed the teen would go a lot longer without telling everyone what she could do. “She is pulling energy from around her; the beating of our hearts or the existing electricity in the room. Energy can’t be created or destroyed but it can be converted. So she uses that energy and creates electricity,” she explained. “But that energy can’t stay in her body. It needs an outlet. Similar to when you blow into a balloon. Even when the balloon is inflated you can still blow air into it. Until it pops,” Yelena connected the dots in her head. “Electricity is the same way when it needs an outlet it will make one no matter who gets hurt in the process.”

“She’s electrifying herself.” Yelena guessed. Helen nodded.

“From the scans we took, she’s been doing it for some time and it’s causing damage to her hippocampus,” she told the group. Yelena knew that part of the brain was related to learning and memory. “Right now her vitals are stable but she’s still unconscious. You can visit her but only 2 at a time.” The group thanked the doctor and she returned to her other duties.

“We need to call Nat and Wanda,” Tony said. He looked at the two super soldiers. “Are you two okay with taking their spot?” They nodded.

“Of course,” Steve said. “Will you guys keep us updated?”

“We will,” Pepper said. “Kate and Yelena, why don’t you two stay with her until Nat and Wanda get here?”

“I’ll call them to tell them what’s going on,” Sam added. A plan was in motion and finally, it was just Kate and Yelena standing in the hallway. Instead of going into her room, Yelena sat down in the chair Steve was sitting in. She began to play with the rings on her fingers. Each one had a different story, a different reason why she wore them on her fingers. She was so lost in thought she didn’t notice Kate kneeling in front of her, placing her hands over hers.

“My love,” Kate whispered. Yelena looked up staring into the blue eyes of her girlfriend. “She’s going to be okay.”

“Natasha is going to kill me,” Yelena threw her head back with a sigh. “I told her we would look after her.”

“These things happen, Lena,” Kate sat down next to her. “And Natasha will understand that.” Yelena nodded, allowing the silence to settle between the two. When she looked at her girlfriend, the archer was in deep thought.

“What is it?” Yelena asked.

“Do you want to draw straws on who tells America?” The Russian smiled.

“I’ll leave that one to you, little hawk,” Kate rolled her eyes, kissing Yelena on the cheek.

“Fine, anything for you.”

“Remind me to kill Fury,” Natasha said as they rode the elevator. She was holding onto Wanda’s hand as a lifeline. When she saw Sam’s name appear on the caller ID, she knew something was wrong. They booked it back to the tower before they were off the phone with him. Wanda chuckled.

“You're not gonna kill him. You're just upset.”

“And you're not?” The Black Widow questioned.

“I am,” Wanda said. “One of us has to be level-headed and not think about murdering the Director of SWORD.” Wanda hit her hip against Natasha. The small action pulled a light laugh out of the Russian.

“You're right. Thank you, little witch,” the laugh was much needed as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Immediately, Natasha saw her sister, sitting alone in the hallway. Not even the sound of the elevator pulled her out of her thoughts. She gave Wanda’s hand a tight squeeze before letting go and walking over to her sister. “Sestra.”

“Natasha,” Yelena stood up. “I’m sorry. I told you she would be okay and I couldn’t keep my promise.”

“Hey, hey,” Natasha put her hands on Yelena’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” she maneuvered Yelena back into the chair and sat down next to her. “This is not your fault okay?” Yelena nodded.

“You are here now and that is what matters,” Wanda added. “Have you been in her room?” The blonde shook her head.

“Cho only wants 2 people in at a time. She wants to speak with you two. I’ll go get her,” Natasha let her sister stand up and walk to find the doctor. She wasn’t ready for this. She felt like her feet were glued to the floor. But she dragged herself out of the chair and opened the door. The air left her lungs as she stared at the still form in the hospital bed. There was a nasal cannula around her face and Ekgs on her forehead. A small gauze was on the side of her head. It took another squeeze from Wanda to get her moving and sit in the empty chair. Wanda sat across from her.

“She looks so peaceful,” the witch spoke, breaking the silence. Natasha agreed but she desperately wanted to see the striking color of her eyes to tell her everything was going to be okay. A gentle knock on the door drew her attention from the teen and Helen walked in.

“Hi,” she said with a smile. “I’m guessing you’ve been filled in.” She stood at the foot of the bed, hands resting on the metal frame. Natasha shook her head.

“We were just informed that she was hurt and came right away.” Helen nodded, her smile faltering slightly. Natasha listened as the doctor explained what happened. She had to admit that she was only catching every other word but she understood what occurred. Self-harm. An act she and those closest to her have gone through.

“Can the damage be repaired?” Wanda asked.

“I recommend introducing light exercises to her daily routine,” her eyes went to the girl. “But the most important thing is we need to stop her from continuing the behavior,” she sighed. “It’s impressive that she’s still doing okay.”

“She’s strong,” Natasha whispered.

“That she is,” Helen said. “Please come get me if you need anything or have any questions.” She left the couple.

“You're right, you know,” the Black Widow looked at her girlfriend. “She’s strong so she’ll be okay.”

“Let’s hope it’s enough.”

Kate found America in the kitchen making pasta. “Hey,” she said to the archer. “I figured everyone would have their hands full so I’m making dinner,” she scratched the back of her head. “I can’t promise it will be good.” Kate sat on the bar stool.

“I’m sure it will be great,” America drained the pasta and moved the pasta back into the pot to add the sauce.

“How is she ?” America finally asked, stirring the pasta and sauce together.

“She’s stable. Her vitals are good but she hasn’t woken up yet,” America nodded, leaning on the counter. “She doesn’t have epilepsy like we initially thought.” America looked up suddenly.

“What caused it?” So Kate explained it in the same way Helen told them. Somehow it was more heartbreaking as she watched her friend's face fall more and more. “Electrifying herself? I- I don’t understand. I thought she was doing better. Wasn’t she?” Her voice cracked at the end.

“She was,” Kate fully believed she was. Before the car incident, the girl now in med bay was completely different from the girl who first came to the tower. “Even though we are healing, people can regress. It’s not linear,” Kate has seen it first hand with Yelena. America nodded. “Can I ask you two things?”

“Sure, doesn’t mean I’ll answer them,” America smirked. The archer rolled her eyes.

“Why are you avoiding her?” The teen sighed, looking in the direction of Y/n’s room.

“The last time I saw her I made her lose control because I wanted to fix everything,” she sighed. “But God Kate you should have seen the fear in her eyes. I don’t want to put her through that again. I can’t.” Kate understood that as she’s been in the same position as America. It was a simple mistake but Kate didn’t realize her girlfriend was stuck in a memory. She came up behind her for a hug and Yelena grabbed her wrist, flipping her over, and spraining her wrist. But the pain didn’t bother Kate; it was the fear in Yelena’s eyes that hurt more. It was in the beginning of their relationship so they were still learning about each other. Natasha had to pull Yelena out of her spiraling thoughts and got her to talk to the archer.

“Do you like her?” Kate asked. “More than just a friend.” She added on quickly. A small smile grew on America’s face.

“Am I that obvious?” Kate smiled, nodding her head. “Yeah, I do. There is something about her that I can’t describe. My stomach flips like I’m on a rollercoaster.”

“A little advice,” Kate said once America was done talking. “Don’t turn your back on her no matter how hard it gets,” she was listening with her full attention, feeding on every word the archer said. “Loving her will be difficult but so worth it.”

“Speaking from experience?” America questioned. Kate heard the quiet footsteps of her girlfriend walking up behind her.

“Yeah,” Yelena’s arm snaked around her waist and burrowed her head in the crock of her neck. “I am.”

Pepper was lost in thought as she had music softly playing in the background. It was rare that the CEO let herself sit and not busy herself with Stark Industries. She couldn’t bring herself to tackle her growing to-do list. There was guilt making its home in her bones. “You're thinking very hard for someone who should be relaxing,” Tony said, handing her a mug and sitting down next to her. Pepper rested her back against his front. Immediately, he began to massage the tension out of her shoulders. “What’s got you thinking so hard?”

“Just thinking about the past few days,” she said after a moment. Tony hummed.

“You care about her, don’t you?” He asked. She took a sip, savoring the taste of spiked apple cider before resting it on the table.

“Yes I do,” she said, turning to face her husband. “And I know you do too.” Tony turned her back to face forward and continued massaging. She had a big knot on her right shoulder that Tony focused on.

“It’s her eyes,” Tony said. “Never have I seen such child-like wonder and sadness at the same time,” Pepper nodded. “I spoke with Banner and I think we can help her.” When she turned to face him, he didn’t stop her. “Cho said this happened because she’s not using her powers. I can guess she doesn't use them because she’s scared.” Pepper came to that conclusion as well. “So what if we create something where she can use her powers and do some good? It will kill2 birds with one stone, ya know? A safe and controlled way to use her powers and slowly change how she views them.” Pepper stared at him and then finally kissed him.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she said, picking up her drink. The CEO half expected Tony to run off to his lap to work on the new project but he stayed, lost in his thoughts and worlds away. “Now who is thinking too hard?” She teased, squeezing his leg.

“Do you remember that dream I told you about before Strange came to us?” Of course, she did. She thought about it almost every single day. “Is it something you would want to do? You would be a great mom.”

“Tony,” she said, slowly. She moved away from him slightly to look at him.

“Tell me to stop,” he said. “Tell me to walk away from this,” he gestured to the tower. “And I will. I have that cabin upstate and we can raise our daughter.”

“You can’t walk away,” she said. It was a pipe dream. She’s seen the incredibly stupid things he’s done as Iron Man in the name of saving others.

“Why can’t I?” He questioned. Being with Tony, Pepper learned the man was 5 minutes away from a sarcastic comment. But as she stared into his eyes, it was the most serious Pepper had seen him. “Rogers can handle the team and if he doesn’t want it, Wilson isn’t a bad option. I’m serious, Pepper,” he laced his hand with hers. “Tell me to walk away and I will.” But she couldn’t tell him to walk away and have a normal life to raise their daughter. She couldn’t make that decision for him when he wasn’t just her husband and best friend. Iron Man was a beacon of hope for so many. It would be selfish of her to take him away.

“I love you,” she said. “But I don’t think the world is ready to say goodbye to Iron Man.”

“Will it ever be?” He questioned. Pepper placed a hand on his cheek and he turned to kiss it. She drew circles against his skin.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “But we’ll know when it is.”

“Knock, knock,” Natasha looked up as the door opened and saw America, holding two bowls. “I come bearing food,” she whispered, noticing Wanda asleep in the chair. “I know Helen has a two-guest policy so I won’t be long.” Natasha took the bowls from the girl, whose eyes kept flickering to Y/n.

“I can leave,” Natasha said, ready to give her spot up but America shook her head.

“It’s okay. Can you just let me know when she wakes up?”

“You’ll be the first one on my list,” Natasha smiled. “Thank you for the food.”

“Of course. Try to get some sleep too. Goodnight,” she waved, carefully closing the door behind her. It wasn’t long before the smell of food caused Wanda to wake up.

“That smells good.” Natasha smiled, handing her the bowl.

“America made it,” Natasha blew on the pasta before taking a bite. It was good, a little over-seasoned but she was grateful for any food. Wanda giggled. “What’s so funny?” She asked her girlfriend.

“Nothing,” she waved her hand with the fork in it. “Have you ever seen America cook?” She was right. The most the teen had cooked was toast. “It’s just amazing how one stranger can change us.”

“Is it a good change or a bad change?” Wanda smiled.

“It’s good,” the witch said. Natasha looked at the teen, finding comfort in the steady rise and fall of her chest. She wondered if she was dreaming or did her mind offer her one dreamless sleep. Natasha smiled.

“Do you ever wonder what hugging her would feel like?” Wanda nodded.

“All the time,” she whispered. “I wonder when the last time she’s been hugged.”

“Or if she’s been hugged at all,” Natasha mumbled, angrily twirling her pasta. It made her blood boil when she thought how unfair life has treated her. “We’ll ask her when she wakes up,” she looked at Wanda. “I think it will help her feel more like apart of this family.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea,” Natasha watched as Wanda reached into a bag on the floor and pulled out a book, she handed it to Natasha. It was the Outsiders. “She was reading it to you when you were hurt,” The Black Widow took the book and placed her bowl on her lap. “America says it’s her favorite.”

“Is that so?” She opened the book to the first page. It was on the movies they made her watch in The Red Room, an American classic that was filled with their edited agenda. Kate and Peter made it her mission to show her and Yelena movies and TV shows that weren’t tainted by the Red Room. Natasha began to read, “When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I only had two things on my mind; Paul Newman and a ride home…”

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