#starshine rants

[wisemins]

Feeling glad that people from my recent past are gone. Just contemplating about my success as a small business owner and writer/artist and how some people I've cut out of my life would just be passive aggressive and self-pitying to downplay my progress. I know if they were still around that I wouldn't be where I would be to save them feeling bad about themselves. Like, I never want to ever surround myself with people (person* lmfao), like that ever again. Can't let me post something without it being a whole "Oh why is MY art so bad compared to YOURS" and other behavior that just screams "I can't let others have success when I don't", because why support your fellow artists, let alone your BEST FRIEND? It's just so toxic, man. Art isn't a competition, and if your only way of getting compliments is to bring others down when they're doing well, maybe work on yourself. Creatives should uplift each other, not bring each other down just because you don't feel good about your art. It's not a race, it's not about who's better than who. Being an asshole does nothing for anyone. You can do nothing but be supportive and lovely and self-sacrificing to express how you love someone, but sometimes people just don't deserve that. You can remember every little detail they've told you, be completely immersed in their ships and be engaged in their love stories, and they just won't ever return the favor or put in 1% of what they put in for themselves. Manipulation is rampant in this community. Let's just support each other instead of being mean to ourselves for validation. aight rant over

[outcast-thingz]

I genuinely hate this airport. 1 of 2 airports i hate being in. The city isn't that bad just the airport.

[qcoded]

Got a fanart of this AU the other day and decided to draw a small revamp to The Collector's design :P

Might draw some more lore related stuff for this

[ashtraysystem]

I'm tired of everyone using me as a toy. Walking all over me like I'm their property, using me and MY space as a cure for their boredom. Using me to run errands. Using me for their own stupid agendas. I have a life, I have wants, I have needs, why does no one seem to understand that?

I am literally sick to my stomach.

[comingyourlugubriousness]

An interesting question for the YumIdia: What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

This got out of hand so I'll put this long answer under the cut!

For Ortho and Yume: Yume and Ortho get along great! They basically consider each other siblings which is why Yume gets the nickname "Big bro". After their time at Ignihyde. They both know what its like to be the younger brother and support their older siblings.

(fun fact: their group chat name is called: Lil' bro team combo!)

When they first meet at Star gazer practice, Yume is surprised how easy it is for them to talk to Ortho considering how shy/anxious they are. Meanwhile, Ortho vaguely knew them as the magicless student who had a panic attack at the entrance ceremony. Ortho is cemented as a decent person in Yume's mind when he doesn't make fun of them for what happened at the entrance ceremony but instead reveals that he had intentions of helping them with their panic attack (as he's used to helping Idia through them) but he wasn't able to during all the chaos.

-

To Yume Ortho is kinda like the lil sibling they never had (as far as they know, but thats the feeling they get.) From the very begining they never once considered/saw Ortho as an object. ( Yume is open mided and after being brought to another world with multiple new races/creatures and being told magic excists, yeah the Idia of a robot person wouldn't blow their mind, they'd just be respectful!)

Yume is the one Ortho tends to spend time with when Idia is busy, unlike Idia they don't mind going out and exploring the campus or the Island and doing outdoor activities from time to time. Occasionally Ortho will even visit them when their working part time at Sam's!

He's extremely grateful to Yume for reaching out to Idia as he knows his big brother can be difficult to get along with and understand. And he's so happy and relieved that his brother has another person he can be comfortable with.

-

For Idia and Yuuta: (written by @bunnwich) Yuuta didn’t care for Idia at first especially after noticing that Idia was terrified by them AND had a crush on his brother. It’s not that he hates Idia just can’t stand his nerd lingo and the way he switched on a dime from pathetic to cocky. But after Yuuta stays at Igniydyde for a brief period of time he gets to see Idia more the two bond over Yuuta’s favorite games and the boy has fixed their phone on multiple occasions something that is very important to Idia. Now the two openly roast each other and Yuuta has grown somewhat protective of Idia. Only he can talk shit about him okay? If they are gonna be brothers-in-law at some point might as well get used to the skinny nerd. Ortho and Yuuta: (written by @bunnwich) Ortho and Yuuta got along pretty soon. Yuuta is not usually fond of kids but Ortho is a special case! He immediately liked Ortho’s spunk and straightforwardness and willingness to go all out to protect his brother. He knows he can count on Ortho to look out for Yume and post ch 6 the two grew even closer now that Yuuta can suddenly sense his emotions. He thinks of Ortho as a little brother as well and now that the two are in Film studies together they love to create stories together. And now Yuuta (sometimes with Leona) will even join in Yume, Idia, and Ortho’s in dnd games.

For Yume and Idia's parents: (We don't have time to get into that right now.) Frankly, until chapter 6 Yume just doesn't know or hear anything about them. But after chapter 6 their impressions of them are less than stellar. Their left wondering how much Idia's parents actually paid attention/cared about Idia and Ortho as children and how much they do now.

[bruciemilf]

I AM SO FUCKING WEAK. FOR THE JASON AND STARFIRE FRIENDSHIP. YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT, GOSH-

Tall sunshine/Tall angry murder kitten

" someone will die'' " of FUN :DDDDD"

Girls who say brah/girls who say HIIIIII energy

Jason trying to give Kori the shovel talk for Dick (Not because he cares; But someone needs to be there to annoy, and unless the world's ending, he won't willingly interact with Tim) but. Godamn it.

Her eyes are so big. Like an overly grown puppy. He can't do it. "... Just. Y'know. Try not to set his heart on fire and eat it. " " I would NEVER :(((" " WELL DONT CRY-"

Jason pulls Dick aside when Kori visits the Wayne manor for the first time, corners him, whispers very lowly, " We're out of mustard. Go. Get. Some."

Literally Jason being protective of his 6'4 sister in law/bestie he'd marry if he knew Dick wouldn't throw a fit. He specifically says " Damian, I PROMISE YOU, if you do anything to scare her intentionally, milk will NEVER taste the same when I'm done with you"

it's an elephant being scared of a mouse situation, - Kory is the most nervous to meet Damian out of anyone and Jason's like, so who wants to share embarassing Damian stories

Jay and Kory calling eachother cutesy nicknames " hey babe" " greetings, sugar pie cherub starlight pumpkin seeds little lovebug, starshine! The universe says HELLO!"

Braiding Kory's hair is an Olympic sport and Jason has the gold medal for it

Kory talking everyone about Jason being her best friend; She's like, " sweetest, most caring human I've come across. He is friendly and we bump foreheads a lot" then shows off pictures

And boom, the scariest bastard you've ever seen . "He enjoys cuddling kittens, and watching animated movies with me :D"

Jason ranting about books and literature and Kory INTENTLY listening to every word while sipping sweet mustard; She loves trashy romance novels written by 30 something women who hate their marriage, and Jason's like " your taste is fucking dreadful" but he secretly enjoys it

Kory also LOVES cartoons and Jason makes fun of her for it ruthlessly (or as ruthless as he can get with her) but guess who steals Bruce's credit card and buys her merch????

" here you go baby girl, buy some steven galaxy shirts from that gay ass rock show or something " " you intentionally pretend to not know my interests to reduce the meaning of your affection, but i know it's there >:D"

JASON MEETING BLACKFIRE. " And I thought I was a problem child."

Literally give me Jason and Blackfire interactions but they're just this

[nova--michael]

How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health (long rant(/essay?))

TW: sexual themes, gore, trauma, self harm, suicidality

I will go in-depth in alot of sensitive topics, please proceed with caution

I got into My Little Pony when Season 2 aired. In 2011, I was 7 at the time, 2nd grade. English isn't my first language, I didn't even know other languages were a thing. That is until I got access to the internet. We had a family computer that I used basically daily. I mostly drew on MSPaint and played Animal Jam. I was a happy little girl at the time. Eventually, I discovered YouTube. Which became my new obsession. I consumed content like an addict. And eventually, I stumbled upon My Little Pony, where people uploaded whole episodes. The first episode I watched was "Fall Weather Friends", S1 E13. I was hooked instantly. Bright colorful Ponies! It reminded me of the Fillys I collected. So I consumed more. Was able to find a playlist with all episodes in order. The only thing is, they were in English, which I didn't understand. But I didn't care. I wanted my magical colorful ponies! So I watched it and had an overwhelmingly fun time. It was "Bridle Gossip" S1 E9 where the language just...clicked for me. I can't explain it, but it felt like I suddenly could understand almost every word and my English knowledge expanded from there. Which was a yay for me, because now I could watch my colorful Pony cartoon and actually understand what they were saying. It gave me a big heads up when we started learning English a year later in 3rd grade. I never learned English in that class, knowledge wise I already knew what I needed and was very far ahead of everyone. All thanks to My Little Pony.

But I think it is also the start of when everything went downhill for me.

I explicitly remember holding paper in front of the screen to trace the Mane 6's outfits from the episode "Suited for Success" S1 E14 with a pencil. The show made me really get into art. I drew My Little Pony left and right, and it eventually led me to DeviantArt, which I still have fond memories of. I found out that people made original characters. So I did so too. One of my first ever character was "Starshine" which I still love dearly and sketch when I'm bored. But this also led me down the Brony Fandom rabbit hole. Once I realized people made their own My Little Pony content it was over. I literally obsessed over fan content. I consumed everything that the Fandom could offer. And when I mean everything, I mean Everything.

I don't know what the first gore or nsfw content I consumed, I really do not remember. But it was ultimately this content that shaped me or....better say traumatized me that still affects me to this day.

Just like many people in the Fandom, I found out what "Cupcakes" is. A creepy, gore fanfiction that was about Pinkie Pie dismembering Rainbow Dash and turning her into Cupcakes. One of the many fan content I consumed but I remember this being one of the first experiences I had with gore. I watched the original video from ocarinaplaya. I was, I had no idea what gore was. But it was MLP, so I watched it. And this was the first straw that altered my brain. It was like a car crash, i couldn't look away. The way Pinkie tortured and cut up Rainbow Dash. And I consumed more. Smile HD, Cupcakes SFM, My Little Paradox, Pony.MOV, Lil Miss Rarity, My Little Amnesia, Elements of Insanity (that I still unironically love to this day), and so much more. You name it, I watched it. Things like Elements of Insanity and Cupcakes SFM all led me down the SFM rabbit hole. SFM = Source Filmmaker. When I see SFM models of the MLP characters now, I swear I get flashbacks. Because through SFM I found sensual MLP content. Of course, not all of SFM was sexual or gore. Some masterpieces like Doors, Fluttershys Dream, The Walk, Remembrance, Nightmare Night, all are so good.

But of course with SFM came very...sensual MLP content. Ponies kissing or Making out or even going as far as almost having sex. And something changed in my brain. I started to...actively search out these videos. Rarijack, TwiDash - Hearts and Hooves Day, Appledash, those freaking Fart and Vore videos. I watched it all. I don't know what I felt at the time, I don't remember or more so I don't want to remember. All I know is that I started to seek them out. Like actively searching for it. Which also led me to non sfm sensual content. Twilight Sparkle Pantsu, Friendship is Benefits, Concerning Pegasi, Fluttershy gets BEEPBEEPED in the Maze and infamous Banned from Equestria.

Remember I was a child. 9-10 at the time. And 99% of these videos didn't have any warnings. Nothing. And even if they had a warning 80% of those were joke warnings.

I consumed alot of My Little Pony porn and gore in my childhood. Unrestricted Internet access traumatized me to no end.

It was Banned from Equestria which had changed a lot for me. Because I found out that it was a game. An actual game you could play. And I sought it out. I played a lot of Pony games too, especially the ones on the very old Hasbro website. But Banned from Equestria was almost too easy to find. I found it on a website mainly for bad porn games. And it had a category that was purely for My Little Pony. I just went to search for it. I only needed to type "mlp porn games" and it was instantly there. 2 clicks is all that it took. Yes, the website is still up sadly. That website led me down another awful rabbit hole of My Little Pony porn games. Again, I was 10, I had no idea what porn was. Or sex. But it was this (and a separate event that happened in my family) that taught me what it was. And again, I searched for those things actively. And played those games religiously. By 10 years old I was a freaking porn addict. Not even gore (which I developed PTSD from), but Porn was the thing that caught my attention. I also learned what masturbation was thanks to that. And I did just that. I masturbated almost on the daily. Found my Mom's toys, stole them, and used them. Now, masturbation isn't a bad thing by any means. It's good to explore your body and what makes you feel good but I was just an innocent kid...

My parents never found out. My Mom eventually caught on I stole her toys but never did anything against it. Nor did she educate me. She let me do my thing. So I basically masturbated daily, sometimes more than once. What being horny was, was something I didn't even know. I only knew I wanted to do this because is saw my colorful ponies do it.

But these porn games made me spiral. I lost so much of my childhood innocence through this. I spend most of my childhood and early teen years (I started puberty when I was 9) by watching porn, playing porn, and the occasional gore. It has twisted what sex even was for me. The whole concept was ruined for me. To this day.

Throughout the next years, I learned more about porn, and went through many different rabbit holes. My Little Pony Porn, actual porn, Furry Porn, it didn't matter. If it was Porn, I consumed it.

I would also blame this addiction was the reason I became/am hypersexual.

And now, over 10 years later, what changed?

Nothing. I have grown so disgusted by Sex, it's why I'm AroAceflux now. I know. Hypersexuality and AroAce? Pick a struggle. But I'm serious. I consume a lot of Porn to this day. Masturbation had died down but it still happens occasionally. The people I follow on Patreon mainly do nsfw content. Hell, I was on Nsfw-twt a few years ago too.

Porn has ruined my whole mental state. It's scientifically proven that subjecting children to porn and gore at an early age can severely damage their development and I think I'm no exception.

My mental health has been very bad since 2016. I started to cut myself frequently and get suicidal. I still carry scars to this day and I do blame a lot on this addiction. I've been self-harm clean for about 3 years now. I was severely suicidal again in 2021 where I almost killed myself has it not been a friend calling the cops i still struggle with being suicidal to this day though, despite having finished therapy.

I also struggled with a lot of identity stuff at the time. I have it figured out now and am openly out as a trans man by a lot of people in my life. And I have an amazing support system now. But I never really had the opportunity to talk about THIS. How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health due to the content that was created, without any content warnings. I say I also developed my PTSD from this.

Obviously not just that, it was a lot of trauma family and school-wise wise that made me develop PTSD but I also will blame these types of MLP content for this as well.

Now, I love the Brony fandom. I still do. So many people I have met who are in this Fandom are so incredibly nice, but the awful stuff just stands out even more. This was an innocent kids show about colorful ponies and the magic of friendship. Many children with unrestricted internet access watched it. And watched this type of content. The Fandom should have been a lot more critical about the type of content that they post

I know I'm not the only person that was subjected to gore and porn. Many children from 2010-2017 were traumatized by this type of content. And I wouldn't be surprised if many also developed mental disorders because of it, whether it be Depression, PTSD, Hypersexuality, etc. Many of the young fans are scarred

And we still are

And we are still trying to heal as young adults

Hell, I'm turning 20 very soon, and I still struggle so hard with my mental health and the scars I got in my early childhood and early teen years.

I should've spend those years so much differently

But I didn't and know I'm left to pick up the pieces.

I hope this shines some light on the cruel side of the Brony community, I recommend Raymundo2112's video "The SINS of Bronies", it goes also in-depth about the psychological effects of children being subjected to porn and gore

Please be careful what children consume on the internet.

Now

I apologize for this length, I just wanted to talk about it

I'm open to any questions that may come up, and I'm sorry for my irl people who see this

Thank you for reading, it means alot

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

If all the listeners came together I want them to have a competition on who's boy is the best.

Rook: Auron is better than all of you! He's sexy, smart, and kind! A bonus is he's rich! Can't say that about most of you~

Auron snapping his head at them: wh-

Boo: Alphonse is sweet too! He's so amazing how he's opened about a lot of things. Can't say that about yours huh?

Alphonse gasping: Boo?

Sunflower: mine rants on and on about flowers! The way he lights up when talking about his intreasts is so CUTE!

Finn covering his cheeks: Sun-

Star: mine is kinda of an asshole! But once you get to know him he's funny and amazing to talk too!

Faust smiling slightly: Starshine...

Scout giggling: mine tries to put om this bad boy act to make others go away. But really he's just sad and needs loving on! Also he loves crypid's! Don't even get him started on mothman!

Seth looking at them: Uh?-

Angel: he's basically a demon. He loves to cook! His cuddles are literally 10/10! He also is great company!

Lucien smiling: Angel!

*all of them look at Angel and Lucien*

Rook: he's a WHAT?

Angel covering their mouth: oh right you can't see because of the glamor...

*lucien shows himself and looks down at the boys*

Lucien showing off his teeth: Hi.

(The competition was ended bc most of the boys don't like one another...But the listeners have a group chat without the boys and they tell eachother cute details about their boy to them.)

[robins-stage]

Hello there!! I am Robin, a member of the Starshine System who is (obviously) a fictive of Robin from Honkai: Star Rail!

I'm likely going to be using this page on my journey to explore myself more as a newer split, and will also be posting about my favorite media! This is all just to keep my personal interests and rants separate from our main Tumblr.

I use she/they pronouns, and am currently questioning my sexuality and labels! Though for now, I'm using bisexual (though I am more homoromantic).

Main Blog

DNI

Endogenic systems (I dislike syscourse, please do not try and change my view. I'll avoid you if you avoid me.)

Transphobes, homophobes, etc.

Any other shitty people

Interests

Honkai: Star Rail

Minecraft

Stardew Valley

Terraria

Animal Crossing

[pomegranate-pen]

Starfire Dating Headcanons with fem s/o!

part 2 of anons request!

Starfire is, in short, the sweetest lover anyone can ask for.

She’s an honest person. To herself and others. The relationship you have with her would have ‘communication is key’ be its core. She doesn’t want you to tell her every secret, no of course not. Rather she wants you to not feel fear for opening up about your feelings or showing your dismay or annoyance over something. She wants you both to trust each other well and always is the best listener out there. Sometimes you joke about how much of a better listener she is than most humans.

in terms of PDA, she is super fine with showing affection with others around. Of course, nothing extreme. But kissing her cheek, holding her hand and leaning your head on her shoulder are things she’s absolutely fine with and melts at.

If you ever show interest in Tamaran and its culture, expect pure joy being emitted from Starfire as she infodumps on you for days. Will tell you everything and sometimes even sings her homeland’s songs as well. You once suggested upholding one of their ceremonies in the house and you’d never seen her happier. Practically prancing around the place, with a speed that could rival Flash’s and a giant grin on her face during the whole thing. She’d even make you some Tamaranean food.

You were the one who convinced Robin to accept Starfire’s request to take in Silkie as a pet. Starfire still thanks you for that to this day. Taking care of Silky is a daily task you both co-operate in. you take turns in playing, feeding, and in general taking care of him.

Just like for Silkie, Starfire uses Tamaranean nicknames for you. If ever asked about what it meant, the meanings of them will leave your heart soaring through the clouds and blush evident on your face.

She loves the nickname ‘sweetheart’ and ‘starshine’. Whenever you call her by those nicknames she giggles in giddy joy and playfully punches your shoulder.

Starfire has many family issues. Having lost most of her family members and only being left with a sister who despises her, it becomes a bothersome topic she’d rather not remember. If she ever wished to speak about it to someone, it’d only be you.

If you have any familial problems of your own, Starfire is not hesitant on comforting you and immediately asks if you want to talk about it. Whether you want her to know or not, Starfire is always there for you in times of need just like you’re there for her.

Blackfire hates you with all her guts, yet tries her best not to show it. At the moment when she came back to Star for the first time, she constantly tried flirting with you. In the end, when her true intentions were finally noticed by the team, she didn’t stop herself from insulting you and mocking Starfire’s ‘bad taste for lovers’.

Starfire loves her hair getting styled by you. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not, she sees it as some sort of bonding time. If you don’t mind, she’d at times offer to style your hair as well. Star also really loves wearing your clothes. There’s just something about them that makes her feel calm. There were many times where your clothes went missing and you’d find them on Starfire. she even lets you burrow some of her clothes as well. always gets bashful when you were one of her clothing.

Starfire always compliments your taste in fashion and you'd two would go shopping together as dates quite often. she finds it quite fun to dress up in different clothes and go to the arcade right after.

If you’re hyper fixated on anything in particular or are extremely passionate towards a subject, Star will let you infodump and rant all about it. She even listens in and asks a bunch of questions that only make you happier when explaining it. The Tamaranean even tries to get into said topic as well just so she could bond with you more.

[wisemins]

y'all ever get tired of some self-shippers taking cultural shit that isn't theirs and feeling like it's their right to have information from people of that culture, and insist that they just don't want to be ignorant whilst pressuring you to give permission to give them rights to use something from your culture in their works, and you feel so uncomfortable and just don't want the conflict so you say yes because nobody who isn't boiled chicken can't have any peace? yeah. been there. istg some people are just so...entitled. Like my culture as a Native American isn't yours to once again devour and colonize for your own tacky use. Stop making it some fantastical mythical thing for you to fetishize with your white savior complex. Respect people, *actually*. Culture isn't a frilly fuckin' game you can dip your grubby little hands in and just take what you want like a fuckin' free for all, it matters. There's history, there's meaning, there's purpose. Some cultures are more okay with others partaking, some absolutely rebuke it. So, just respect it? racist assholes bro.

[outcast-thingz]

....yeah no I think im done there (rant in the tags)

[qcoded]

Collector & Belos: Hidden Starshine AU

Collector's forcing Belos to stay awake so he can rant about the plot of Rapunzel to him. Such a nice dynamic!!

[ashtraysystem]

um, just warning you the following post is kinda a lot emotionally and mentally so uh. yeah. 🤷🏻 skip it if you dont wanna read i wont be offended or anything obviously its just me rambling about fears and stuff ive had on my chest.

do you ever just sit there being afraid of what the future holds? right now im so uncertain about a lot of things and dont know how to get through it.

i dont know how to advocate for myself when it comes to my health. i dont know how to show my doctor how desperate i am for some form of relief from the hell i have to life through sometimes. the days when i have bad pain flare ups are /bad/. and i don't understand why they happen. i dont understand whats wrong with me to make me so tired and in pain. why is it that every rush of adrenaline through my body when im anxious /hurts/.

how will i go about the school year? i will have to do my thesis (that might be the wrong word i dont remember) project this year and that means planning, funding, and organizing a whole event to show the world what i'm capable of. how am i supposed to decide on something like that when i'm barely capable of deciding what to have for breakfast??

many of my friends will be away. and not just the ones im close with, many of the friends ive made throughout this past school year have moved on with their lives. graduated or dropped out. im. im afraid of being alone. of forgetting who i am. of losing myself in my attempts at success. i like spending time with people, even if its just "hey wanna work on projects adjacent to each other for a while?". but people dont exactly like me or seem to see me as a person they can just "hang" with. i always have to tune my personality to match theirs. match their energy, match their needs, but never my own.

i want to get a tattoo as a reminder. a reminder to be me. to "keep it real". That i'm not alone. that there are people in my corner. people who care. people who want to know /the real me/ and not the fake personality i put on to please everyone. even in a professional sense. i want to be me, forever and always. true to myself with everyone i meet. because if they cant take me as i am then they dont deserve me at all.

im weird. i know that. ive always been the outcast, the quiet kid, the weirdo.

i cant shut this all out forever. i'll have to face these things eventually. and i wont be ready when i do. its hard to think about because my brain starts to shut it all down. it lays a fog over me that gets me to forget any critical thinking about the world around me and the changes i could make in my life. the revelations i have about myself are so quickly forgotten. it tells me to just delete this whole post. put it back away, never let it see the light of day, but its important. important that it does. important that i dont just sit with this stuff in my head for forever. it'll just get worse if i do.

[izzylovesyou2022]

Poetic Love~ Mat Barzal (pt 1)

TW: none

"Wild nights - Wild nights!

Were I with thee

Wild nights should be

Our luxury!"

Calliope Scarlett Black had never been what someone considered normal. This didn't surprise her--poets, after all, were not normal.

Her tangled half-red, half-brown hair was pulled up into a tight bun as she paced the living room of the house where she lived with her best friend since three years old, hockey player Mat Barzal.

Her green eyes fluttered over the book she'd been holding and her hands tightened on the binding, trying to memorize this latest poem.

"Futile - the winds -

To a Heart in port -

Done with the Compass -

Done with the Chart!"

Her hand waved out to the side as she threw her head backward, half out of frustration and half out of dramatics. Memorizing poems wasn't as easy as people thought. Even if one was only doing it for a youtube channel, like Calliope was.

She paced by the couch once more and sounded out the first stanza of the poem again. Her eyes narrowed in consideration as she let one part of the book slip from her hand. The first stanza had been memorized--good, now for the second stanza.

She closed her eyes and brought the image of the words to her head. Picturing strong wilds and rushing waves and stormy clouds.

She shouted out the second stanza perfectly and then picked up the book to look over the third stanza.

"Rowing in Eden -

Ah - the Sea!

Might I but moor - tonight -

In thee!"

She dropped onto the couch with one arm swung over the back and closed her eyes, panting even though she'd done nothing really tiring. Physically, at least.

"I don't think you've found a poem you haven't memorized yet, starshine."

Calliope's lips twitched in amusement and she opened one eye to see Mat walking in, wearing a green hoodie and black sweatpants. His eyebrows were quirked upward and a smirk tugged at the edge of his lips.

"I've been memorizing poetry since we were 10 years old, Mattie," she answered back, slamming her book shut with something like finality, "I haven't had a poem lick me yet."

Mat patted the top of Calliope's head, chucking at her loud grunt and the hand slapping his own away, and sat next to her, tucking one foot underneath him.

"By the way, that more sounds out of place," he said, then, seeing how her eyes narrowed at him in confusion, he added, "that line about might I moor-tonight-in thee."

Calliope carefully placed the book onto it's spot on the coffee table and shook her head.

"No, not m-o-r-e, Mattie, it's m-o-o-r. It's a British noun meaning "an expanse of open rolling infertile land" but it can also mean that you're anchored. What Emily Dickinson is talking about is anchoring her ship into the sea and staying there."

Mat should have been used to it by now--Calliope had been raised in a literature family and had been studying poetry for years--but, how could one get used to the amazement of a friend knowing so many words and definitions?

"I can't see why anyone would want to do that, starshine," he admitted, draping an arm over the back of the couch, "the sea is so unknown."

Calliope didn't look up from her phone, but her soft laugh could easily be heard by Mat's keen ears.

"That's exactly why she'd want to be anchored there, Mattie," she said, finally catching his eye, "it's the unknown that's exciting! It's the thrill of the wild and the adventure to come that makes a person shiver and wonder!"

Mat sucked in a breath at the look in her eyes but didn't show--outwardly, at least--that he held anything more than amusement for her poetic rant.

[laurenairay]

All These Days I Never Thought - T. Jost

Summary: Tyson plays against the Avs for the first time since his trade. Chloe has feelings about it.

Series masterlist 

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: anxiety, self doubt, self-reflection, kind of angsty but also fluff

A/N: @starshine-hockey-girl got first vote in for me to write a fic for Tyson and Chloe so here we are! I wanted to write Tyson’s first game against the Avs because boy was that stressful enough to watch, and I know Chloe would’ve been the same – I’ve still got plenty more to write for these two, so please do check out the rest of their story if you liked this! And also you can sign up for their taglist here. 

Title from On Purpose, by Sabrina Carpenter

Taglist: @youngbeezer @fiveholegoal @senditcolton @corneliaskates @fallinallincurls @typical-simplelove @starshine-hockey-girl

*

March 27th 2022. A date that meant very little to most people, and a date that Chloe wouldn’t normally pay any attention to, before she’d met Tyson. Not because it had been nearly two weeks since she’d met him in that coffee shop, no – because the Avalanche were coming to Saint Paul for the first since his trade.

She might not have known Tyson for a long time, but she knew that this was a big deal. He could try to play it off as excitement with a big goofy smile and wide eyes, but she saw the strain around those eyes, the fakeness of that smile. She knew a fake smile when she saw one – she had plenty of practice from her own reflection. No, Tyson was nervous, and she hated it. She hated that the trade was still affecting him so strongly, and she hated that he was anxious to see the people he still counted as close friends, and she hated that he felt so much pressure to prove himself.

What she hated even more was that she couldn’t go to the game in person. Her boss had shoved an urgent client project in her lap only yesterday, begging Chloe to take over from someone who’d gone on sick leave, and it wasn’t like Chloe had much choice, right? And it wasn’t like anyone at work knew that she was dating…seeing…doing whatever she was with Tyson. It wasn’t like she could turn down the work project to support the guy she’d gone on two whole dates with, even if after talking with him for two weeks it felt like they’d known each other for years.

(And yes, she was trying to ignore that feeling for the moment).

To be honest, she knew deep down in her soul that going to this game, this first game against the Avalanche for Tyson, would have been too big a first game for her. She hadn’t even met any of the Wild yet, let alone meeting the team that traded Tyson away, the team that he’d formed his emotional friendships with, so maybe it was for the best.

Tyson’s sad little smile when she’d told him about the work project deadline didn’t help though.

One caveat Chloe had insisted on was working on the client project from home. Not for comfort reasons or lazy reasons – but so she could at least watch the game live. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the most professional thing she could’ve done, but she felt like she owed Tyson that much at least. Even though, technically, she didn’t owe him anything at all. Whatever, she could admit that he had his hooks in her, as much as she didn’t like to admit it. There was just something about him that made her want to try, you know?

So try she would.

Tyson had come over to her apartment for dinner last night, something which Chloe had offered to help take his minds off things, counting as their second date (at least, Tyson had cheerfully decided it was their second date so she’d accepted that with a laugh). She’d offer to let him rant about hockey and the league and the politics of it all because, well, she didn’t understand it and she wasn’t going to judge him (not for this), but he’d actually sweetly declined.

“I don’t want to ruin our second date with anxious bullshit. I’d rather be happy, with you, right now.”

His reasoning had just about destroyed her, his bright earnest eyes finishing off the job, and all she had been able to do in the moment had been to top up both their glasses of wine. Tyson’s silent smile said enough about what he thought of her reaction. Damn that sweet guy.

She supposed that kissing his cheek goodnight as he left was just the icing on the cake. Chloe told herself that it was just something to cheer him up, something to let him go to sleep with a smile, but she knew deep down that it was more than that. Even if she wasn’t ready to think about it too thoroughly yet.

She powered through a mountain of the work she had to do before the game started, knowing that she’d only really have the tv timeouts and breaks between periods to work on it after that, and by the time that start time rolled around, she was happy enough with her progress. Happy enough to crack open a beer and move over to the sofa anyway, laptop coming with her to sit on a tray while she watched.

Chloe would be the first to admit that she’d never watched a hockey game in her life at all, even on tv. Watching sports in her own free time had never been…a priority, let’s just say that. Maybe it would be different in person – maybe she’d be able to track the player numbers better (she literally only knew Tyson’s 10), track the ‘plays’ better, track the speed of the puck on the ice. It was all she could do to listen to the commentators to figure out what was going on…but she tried. For him, she tried.

Fuck she hoped this guy was worth it.

She found herself grinning as the Wild scored first, practically scowling when the Avs took the lead (and yeah it wasn’t the players’ decision to trade Tyson but still fuck them), a genuine fizzle of relief when the Wild scored to equalise. If you’d asked her, even a month ago, if she’d ever get so invested in a sport then she would’ve barked out a laugh – but look at her now. Practically sitting on the edge of the sofa in anticipation. A couple of hits (is that what they were called? Body slams? Checks? She didn’t know!) made her wince and her blood boil, distracting her completely, but for the most part she was actually able to get her work project finished in the breaks as she’d wanted to, sending it off to her boss just before overtime started with a blunt email (and overtime wasn’t always a great thing, according to twitter).

The 15 seconds of overtime barely made it worth her getting a fresh beer. Still, she found herself smiling as the Wild celebrated, sending Tyson a simple confetti emoji before packing her laptop away, wanting her work day to end for good. Chloe knew she wouldn’t be getting a response from him any time soon (and wow it felt weird that this was something she was okay with) but it just felt right to let him know that she supported him.

Only two weeks. Fuck, what was she even doing?

No, now wasn’t the time to get self-reflective. Things were going well and Tyson hadn’t done anything other than look like a sad puppy, so she wasn’t going to let herself sabotage something that felt good. There was potential here, she knew that, and even though Tyson (and her rapid feelings for him) confused her for the most part, she was starting to realise that she liked how he made her feel. It was new, and it was bewildering, and it was scary if she was being honest, but she could acknowledge - even just a little bit - that Tyson Jost was opening up doors that she’d thought she’d closed a long time ago.

And that was good, right? To have those old burnt bridges being built afresh?

A couple of hours passed after the game, Chloe just taking her sweet time to finish her beer, get dressed for bed and do her skincare routine, but she was still surprised when her phone started ringing, Tyson’s name flashing across the screen.

“Hey Tys, I didn’t think you’d call,” she said, a little confused.

“We won! I didn’t think we would but we won!”

Ah, he was three sheets to the wind and extremely cheerful. That made a lot more sense than a random phone call.

“I know Tys, I saw,” she laughed, rolling her eyes fondly, “all of that anxiety wasn’t worth building up, just as we talked about, right? Like, you didn’t have to worry.”

“You saw?”

His little confused voice made her frown. What, did he want more detail? Did he not believe her? Fuck that.

“You won faceoffs each period. You took hits including that stupid cross-check from that guy Erik Johnson you’ve talked about. And yeah you missed a couple of shots, but Tys, you were great. And you won, which is the most important thing. You’ll score next time against them, I know it,” Chloe said firmly, “End of April, right?”

Tyson’s end of the line was silent, making Chloe frown and pull the phone away from her ear to check that the call was still active. It was. What the hell?

“Tys? You still there?”

“You really watched it? Even though you had to work?”

Oh. Oh. Chloe winced, running a hand through her loose blonde hair, before sighing audibly. All over again, maybe even more so than earlier, she regretted not being at the rink to support him in person. Clearly he’d needed it, even if it would’ve been overwhelming for her personally.

“Yeah, of course I did. It was important to you,” she said softly.

“You really mean that, don’t you? And you’ve been learning all the hockey words too?”

She couldn’t help but laugh softly, rolling her eyes fondly. “I figured if you’re sticking around then I’d better understand what you’re talking about, no?”

Google and youtube had been her best friends in her lunch break – she knew she had a long way to go but at least she vaguely understood the basics. The things she was already doing for this guy.

“I’m definitely sticking around. You can’t get rid of me now.”

She would bet money on Tyson having a stupid smile on his face right now. No, she wouldn’t bet money – it was a hands down guaranteed, that sweet dumbass.

“I promise I’ll come to that next Avs game in April, okay? I don’t care what else comes up,” she promised.

“I’d really like that. Thank you.”

His voice was so soft and sweet, so full of hope, only sending more of that guilt thrumming through her body. She should’ve been there at the game. Sure, she’d only met the guy, what…two weeks ago? Well, fuck, that still didn’t seem right. He’d definitely managed to start worming his way past her defences much quicker than anyone ever had before, that much she could admit. But for her to feel this emotionally attached to him?

“I’m sorry, Tys,” she sighed.

“Hey, no, no apologies, okay? I get it, really, I do. And I’m sure that there’s things of yours that I won’t be able to go to because of my work, so I do understand? And like, we’re so new, I only met you, like, two weeks ago and we only went on our first date last week. So I get it, I promise.”

Only met him two weeks ago. Only went on their first date last week. Even if this was a drunken ramble from him, it still set her head swirling. What was this guy doing to her? Why did she care so much?

“If you’re sure,” she said coolly, trying to regain a bit of her dignity, “Maybe we can meet up for lunch tomorrow, if you’re not too hungover.”

“Oh I’ll definitely be hungover, but there’s no way I’m missing lunch with you.”

Again, she could hear that ridiculous grin. And yet, it was infectious – she could feel a smile tugging at her lips, against her better judgement. “Alright, call me when you’re conscious. I’m working from home so I can pretty much go whenever.”

“Awesome.”

She couldn’t help but snort at the happy sighing sound he made. What a dumbass. A dumbass that made her smile, but still. She opened her mouth to say her goodbyes, but just as she inhaled to speak, a loud joyful exclamation of Tyson’s name came from the other end of the phone.

“There you are! I was just checking you were still alive!”

“Yeah Comphy, just on the phone.”

“Who’s Chloe heart?”

He had her name saved as Chloe heart? Like, the emoji? What the hell? Her stomach filled with butterflies as her ears rushed with the blood heating up her cheeks, and she missed what he said in response…but that had to mean something, right?

“I’ll just said goodnight, okay? Be with you in a minute.”

Chloe couldn’t help but laugh at the obnoxious kissing noises in the background, Tyson just groaning down the phone.

“Sorry, JT came to find me. I didn’t realise I’d been gone that long.”

“If I’d known you were out with your Avs friends then I would’ve said call me back tomorrow,” she mused.

“No, no, I’d never want to miss talking to you.”

Oh wow. That was…that was something. Rather than lose herself to those dangerous thoughts, Chloe just cleared her throat, letting herself laugh softly.

“Okay mushy, if you say so. Go hang out with your friends, yeah? I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said, smiling to herself.

“Yeah, okay. Tomorrow. Lunch. I will definitely be hungover.”

Chloe was still smiling as she ended the call, placing her phone down next to her on the sofa with a fond shake of her head. Tyson was unlike anyone she’d ever met before, or anyone she was likely to ever meet again, she knew that much. She just didn’t now how he’d managed to sneak his way past her walls, how he’d managed to occupy her thoughts, how he was tugging at her heartstrings, after only two weeks. Who was this guy, really and truly?

As she glanced down at her phone notification, seeing a string of heart emojis from Tyson that brought those butterflies back, it looked like she was going to give herself the chance to find out.