#substance abuse treatment for boys

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[jessicalprice]

christian universalism strikes again

(Reposted from Twitter)

So a rabbi I know came back from LA pretty jazzed about a Jewish addiction treatment facility there called Beit T'shuvah and so we talked about their approach and that got me curious about non-AA approaches to dealing with addiction which, my friends, was fascinating.

I’ll admit that almost everything I know about AA is more or less from The West Wing. I'm fortunate in that no one in my immediate family has dealt with substance abuse issues, and as far as I know, none of my close friends are alcoholics. My knowledge is pop culture knowledge.

But hearing about Beit T’shuvah was very interesting to me because:

I'd heard that a lot of people who aren't Christian have a hard time with AA because it's so Christian.

The difference in philosophy was subtle at first glance but actually paralleled a lot of the differences between Judaism and Christianity if you dug into it.

Anyway, I got curious about whether success rates were different for Christians vs. non-Christians and started googling. I didn't find much in the way of the data I was looking for, but I did find something a lot more disturbing, which is that the whole 12-step thing is not science-based. At all. For example:

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse compared the current current state of addiction treatment to medicine in the early 1900s, when there weren't a lot of standards for who could practice medicine. In order to be a substance abuse counselor in many states, you don't need much more than a GED or high school diploma.

A 2006 survey found "no experimental studies unequivocally demonstrated the effectiveness of AA or TSF approaches for reducing alcohol dependence or problems."

And I want to make clear here that I'm not saying AA is bad--clearly it's helped people. The problem is that it's touted as a universal approach, which is a problem when it's not based on any sort of actual science. 

AA claims that its success rates for people who "really try" are 75%. (And boy does that mirror gaslighting diet language.) But the most precise study out there that's NOT coming from AA (https://amazon.com/dp/B00FIMWI1O) put actual success rates at 5-8%. One of the major textbooks on treating addiction ranks it at 38th out of 48 on its list of effective treatments.

So just like most fad diets, it fails for almost everyone who tries it, and then blames the individual for its failure.

A glaring issue is that the 12 steps don't really acknowledge--or provide any guidance or structure for dealing with--other mental/emotional health issues. That’s a giant problem when people with substance abuse issues have higher than average rates of those issues. (Take a moment to consider how the victim-blaming approach of “if you didn’t succeed, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough” is going to intersect with someone’s major depression.)

Now, if 12-step programs were just one available treatment approach out of many, this wouldn’t be that big of an issue.

But 12% of AA members are there because of court orders. Our legal system is requiring people to undergo treatment that is: 

Christian-based

Not scientifically supported

A failure for the vast majority of people

I mean, here's a pretty comprehensive breakdown that talks about the lack of scientific support for it, alternative treatments (like those in Finland, and naltrexone), and the fundamentalist origins of AA. 

The founder was a member of the Oxford Group, an evangelical organization that taught that all human problems stemmed from fear and selfishness, and could be solved by turning your life over to divine providence, basically. Sound familiar? He based AA on those principles, and given that the only alternative was "drying out" in a sanatorium, and that AA members would show up at bedsides there and invite inpatients to meetings, it must have looked really enlightened to people. In 2022, it bears a queasy resemblance to evangelizing to people in prison, literally a captive audience. 

To be fair--to their credit--they were some of the first people out there saying alcoholism was a disease, and not a moral failing. But they didn’t treat it like a disease when it came to testing treatment options:

Mann also collaborated with a physiologist named E. M. Jellinek. Mann was eager to bolster the scientific claims behind AA, and Jellinek wanted to make a name for himself in the growing field of alcohol research. In 1946, Jellinek published the results of a survey mailed to 1,600 AA members. Only 158 were returned. Jellinek and Mann jettisoned 45 that had been improperly completed and another 15 filled out by women, whose responses were so unlike the men’s that they risked complicating the results. From this small sample—98 men—Jellinek drew sweeping conclusions about the “phases of alcoholism,” which included an unavoidable succession of binges that led to blackouts, “indefinable fears,” and hitting bottom. Though the paper was filled with caveats about its lack of scientific rigor, it became AA gospel.

And then Senator Harold Hughes, who was an AA member, got Congress to establish the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which promoted AA's beliefs, and sometimes suppressed research that conflicted with them:

In 1976, for instance, the Rand Corporation released a study of more than 2,000 men who had been patients at 44 different NIAAA-funded treatment centers. The report noted that 18 months after treatment, 22 percent of the men were drinking moderately. The authors concluded that it was possible for some alcohol-dependent men to return to controlled drinking. Researchers at the National Council on Alcoholism charged that the news would lead alcoholics to falsely believe they could drink safely. The NIAAA, which had funded the research, repudiated it. Rand repeated the study, this time looking over a four-year period. The results were similar.

The standard 28-day rehab stay, prescribed and insured:

Marvin D. Seppala, the chief medical officer at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in Minnesota, one of the oldest inpatient rehab facilities in the country, described for me how 28 days became the norm: “In 1949, the founders found that it took about a week to get detoxed, another week to come around so [the patients] knew what they were up to, and after a couple of weeks they were doing well, and stable. That’s how it turned out to be 28 days. There’s no magic in it.”

The last sentence here (bolded for emphasis) is especially chilling. 

That may be heartening, but it’s not science. As the rehab industry began expanding in the 1970s, its profit motives dovetailed nicely with AA’s view that counseling could be delivered by people who had themselves struggled with addiction, rather than by highly trained (and highly paid) doctors and mental-health professionals. No other area of medicine or counseling makes such allowances.

There is no mandatory national certification exam for addiction counselors. The 2012 Columbia University report on addiction medicine found that only six states required alcohol- and substance-abuse counselors to have at least a bachelor’s degree and that only one state, Vermont, required a master’s degree. Fourteen states had no license requirements whatsoever—not even a GED or an introductory training course was necessary—and yet counselors are often called on by the judicial system and medical boards to give expert opinions on their clients’ prospects for recovery.

And, again, the idea that this is the One True And Only Way to deal with alcohol abuse leads to medical professionals ignoring research and treatment options that could be helping people. They are, in essence, taking all this completely on faith. 

There has been some progress: the Hazelden center began prescribing naltrexone and acamprosate to patients in 2003. But this makes Hazelden a pioneer among rehab centers. “Everyone has a bias,” Marvin Seppala, the chief medical officer, told me. “I honestly thought AA was the only way anyone could ever get sober, but I learned that I was wrong.”

Stephanie O’Malley, a clinical researcher in psychiatry at Yale who has studied the use of naltrexone and other drugs for alcohol-use disorder for more than two decades, says naltrexone’s limited use is “baffling.”

“There was never any campaign for this medication that said, ‘Ask your doctor,’ ” she says. “There was never any attempt to reach consumers.” Few doctors accepted that it was possible to treat alcohol-use disorder with a pill. And now that naltrexone is available in an inexpensive generic form, pharmaceutical companies have little incentive to promote it.

I'm not saying that AA is bad. I'm saying its hegemony is bad. It clearly is effective for some people--a minority of people. But it's not for the majority of people, and that's a problem when it's being prescribed by courts (and doctors) as if it's a one-size-fits-all approach.

It’s not an accident that a Christian approach to treating addiction presents itself as the One True Way For All Humankind, insists that courts and doctors privilege it, demands that people take its effectiveness on faith, and blames anyone for whom it doesn’t work for not believing/trying hard enough.

Hegemony is a problem. 

(Photo credit: Pixabay)

[merwgue]

"Rhysand hasn't done anything wrong"

Here’s a breakdown of the actual legal crimes Rhysand could be charged with, based on real-world laws:

A Court of Thorns and Roses (Book 1)

1. Sexual Assault – Rhysand forces Feyre into non-consensual situations, including touching her and kissing her while under the influence of drugs.

2. Drugging/Administration of a Controlled Substance – He forces Feyre to drink faerie wine (a mind-altering substance), which removes her ability to consent and control her actions.

3. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment – Under the Mountain, Rhysand traps Feyre into a bargain that forces her to spend time with him, effectively limiting her freedom.

A Court of Mist and Fury (Book 2)

1. Sexual Harassment – Rhysand frequently engages in unwanted physical contact with Feyre, coercing her in various ways under the pretext of their bargain.

2. Psychological Abuse/Coercion – The manipulation and psychological control Rhysand exerts over Feyre could be classified as emotional abuse, which can carry legal ramifications depending on the jurisdiction.

A Court of Wings and Ruin (Book 3)

1. Trespassing – Rhysand repeatedly enters Tamlin’s lands without permission, which would be considered trespassing by legal standards.

2. Incitement to Violence/Sabotage – Rhysand knowingly encourages Feyre to sabotage the Spring Court while she’s undercover, which could lead to charges of inciting criminal behavior.

3. Attempted Murder (by Suggestion) – While not directly responsible, suggesting that someone (Tamlin) should kill themselves could be viewed as reckless endangerment or incitement to self-harm, which is illegal in many places.

A Court of Frost and Starlight (Novella)

1. Harassment – Rhysand's continued psychological harassment of Tamlin could potentially be charged as harassment, particularly given its persistent nature.

General Crimes Throughout the Series you can face up to a life sentence with :

1. Assault – Rhysand has a history of using his powers to physically and mentally harm others, especially when he forces Feyre into certain situations or physically manipulates her.

2. Torture – His treatment of the people in the Court of Nightmares, particularly through physical and psychological intimidation, could be considered torture or cruel and inhumane treatment under international human rights law.

3. Abuse of Power/Authority – Rhysand frequently abuses his position as High Lord, using his powers to manipulate, control, and coerce others, which could be considered an abuse of authority. (Hm hm, remember what happend to saddam Hussain?)

4. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment – By forcibly keeping Nesta in the House of Wind without her consent, Rhysand is restricting her freedom and movement. This can be legally classified as kidnapping or false imprisonment.

5. Endangerment of a Mentally Ill Person – Nesta is clearly dealing with severe trauma, depression, and possibly PTSD. Locking her up without proper care or therapy can be considered neglect and endangerment of someone with a mental illness, especially since she was using alcohol to cope. (Those teen-help programs.)

6. Illegal Detainment Without Licensing – The Night Court is not a rehabilitation facility, and Rhysand has no legal authority or medical qualifications to keep Nesta there against her will. This would violate laws that protect individuals with mental health issues from being detained in non-medical facilities by non-professionals.

4. Emotional and Psychological Abuse – Forcing Nesta into isolation and removing her autonomy could be seen as a form of emotional and psychological abuse, which has legal ramifications in many jurisdictions.

In a real-world legal system, these actions could be prosecuted as criminal offenses, including sexual assault, kidnapping, drugging, trespassing, harassment, and psychological abuse.

So yea, you're dear old boy would be in JAIL by now.

Now let's calculate The charges against Rhysand, if brought to a real-world court system, could lead to significant legal consequences. Let’s break down the potential sentences for each crime, based on common legal standards in many countries:

1. Sexual Assault

Possible Sentence: 5 to 20 years in prison, depending on the severity and jurisdiction.

Sexual assault is a serious crime, and the penalties are harsh, especially if the victim is incapacitated (e.g., under the influence of drugs, as Feyre was).

2. Drugging/Administration of a Controlled Substance

Possible Sentence: 2 to 10 years in prison.

Administering drugs to someone without their knowledge or consent is considered a felony in many places and carries a substantial sentence, especially when done to facilitate control or assault.

3. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment (Feyre and Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 10 to 30 years in prison.

Kidnapping, especially when it involves controlling someone’s freedom against their will (like forcing Feyre and Nesta into his control), carries one of the longest prison terms.

4. Endangerment of a Mentally Ill Person (Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 5 to 15 years in prison.

This charge involves negligence and the failure to provide proper care for someone in a vulnerable state. In this case, Rhysand locking Nesta up without professional help can result in significant legal consequences.

5. Harassment/Emotional and Psychological Abuse (Tamlin and Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 1 to 5 years in prison (for each offense).

Emotional abuse and psychological harassment can carry prison sentences if they lead to significant harm, especially if Rhysand’s actions contributed to worsening their mental states.

6. Trespassing (Spring Court)

Possible Sentence: 1 year or fines.

Trespassing, while a less severe crime, can result in fines or a brief prison sentence, depending on how frequently and aggressively it’s done.

7. Torture/Abuse of Power (Hewn City)

Possible Sentence: 10 to 25 years in prison.

Torturing or inflicting severe harm, even in a ruling capacity, could result in lengthy imprisonment under human rights laws.

8. Failure to Prevent Mutilation (Wing Clipping in Illyria):

Crime: Complicity in Mutilation/Assault – In many countries, allowing or failing to prevent acts of bodily harm, especially when in a position of power, can lead to charges of complicity or negligence. Clipping wings is comparable to physical mutilation.

Potential Sentence: 10 to 20 years per incident, depending on the severity of harm. Rhysand, as High Lord, could be held accountable for allowing this to continue in the military camps he oversees.

9. Endangerment of Women’s Rights:

Crime: Neglect and Discrimination – The continued allowance of these practices in Illyria could be viewed as a form of systemic discrimination and neglect. Failure to protect women from harm, despite having the power to intervene, would likely result in charges related to discrimination and endangerment.

Potential Sentence: Civil penalties and lawsuits from the affected women, alongside possible criminal charges leading to fines and 5 to 10 years imprisonment per case of systemic abuse.

10. Complicity in Abuse and Torture (Hewn City):

Crime: Torture/Degrading Treatment – As the ruler of the Night Court, Rhysand maintains direct control over the Hewn City but allows its brutal social system to continue, particularly against women. Even though he doesn't directly participate in the abuse, turning a blind eye to it could result in complicity in human rights abuses or crimes akin to torture, especially since Hewn City is described as being "hell for women."

Potential Sentence: 10 to 25 years in prison for each case of torture or degrading treatment, with possible civil lawsuits and heavy fines.

11. Denial of Safe Haven and Equal Rights:

Crime: Violation of Human Rights – Women from Hewn City are barred from escaping their abusive environments, and Rhysand’s refusal to allow them into Velaris essentially traps them in dangerous situations. In the real world, denying refuge or asylum to those in danger can be classified as a violation of human rights.

Potential Sentence: 5 to 10 years for human rights violations, with additional civil penalties from lawsuits if women can prove they were harmed as a result of being denied safety.

Crimes Against Humanity – While not on the same scale as mass genocide or war crimes, the endangerment of entire groups of women through neglect, allowing mutilation, or complicity in torture can still fall under human rights violations. Such crimes are serious, and while they may not lead to a death sentence, they would likely result in long-term imprisonment, potential international condemnation, and severe civil penalties.

Maximum Sentence: If these charges were to be tried separately and consecutively, Rhysand could face up to 80 to 100+ years in prison

Likely Sentence: In a real-world legal system, some of these sentences may be served concurrently (at the same time), leading to a likely total sentence of 25 to 40 years in prison, depending on how the crimes are classified and judged.

Additionally, he would likely face civil penalties, lawsuits from the victims (e.g., Feyre and Nesta), and substantial fines.

Thank you for reading, if you want me to do any other character just say in the comments!❤️ (this took me over 2 days to research but I had my amazing dad helping me!♥️)

[lifeafterartsch00l]

My fav sns smut

or some of it anyway

If Naruto x Sasuke fking nasty is your ☕️

I tried to find all these beloved authors to tag them, but I couldn’t find them all, if you know who they are, plz tag them! Let’s share the ❤️

In no particular order

Healing the Broken by KizuKatana

When people tell me about smut they read in printed books I’m like

Because it’s fics like these that amaze me with their ingenuity, creativity, originality, and boldness 🔥🔥🔥

AKA

This fic isn’t just PWP (although that’s fine too in my book), it’s so well written with character development, action & romance ❤️‍🔥 Predators by the same author is also excellent 👌🏽

Thx u @kizukatana 😊

“Chapters: 23/23

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Underage

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Angst, SPOILERS MANGA CHAPTER 693, Drug Use, sex during drug use, Canon-Typical Violence, canon!sasuke, canon!naruto, Addiction, Slash, narusasunaru, Fix-It, my version of how it should have ended, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, NSFW, Smut

Series: Part 1 of HTB universe

Summary: The war is over, and Sasuke is brought back to the village after his defeat by Naruto. But he is struggling to re-assimilate into the village. As his mental stability continues to erode, Tsunade and Kakashi ask Naruto to try a different treatment method. Naruto x Sasuke (slash - boy x boy). Post manga chapter 693.

Warning: Hard Yaoi (Boy x Boy) language, angst, mental illness, substance abuse, masturbation, eventual sex. Not appropriate for young readers. 18+

Disclaimer - As with everything I write on this site, I don't own the characters (Kishimoto does), and I make no money. My only payment is in reviews.

Spanish Translation by Linme (thank you!) “

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Me, to the artist (and English translator) of this visually stunning and well written doujinshi -

Seriously. It’s amazing. The visual metaphors. The angst. The way the artist can simply draw a single panel of a close-up Uchiha eye that is so outrageously sultry and sexy I don’t understand 🥵 one of the extra chapters unlocked something in me (the dream one). Bonus that it’s also really funny & has a lot of respect/empathy for its women characters too! If anyone knows who this artist plz let me know I would like to follow them until the end of the world ❤️ the ending healed me 💔

EDIT HOLY S*** GUYS I FOUND THE TRANSLATOR & ARTIST ON TUMBLR

Thx u @southnorthsound 😭❤️🫡🙇🏻‍♀️

Thx u @gigihorseinthehouse 😭 I love you I low key think you’re a genius ok sorry bye 👉🏽👈🏽

"https://archiveofourown.org/works/36581581

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Chapters: 60/60

Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki Boruto, Uzumaki Himawari, Hatake Kakashi, Nara Shikamaru, Temari (Naruto), Nara Shikadai, Akimichi Chouchou, Gaara (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Fanart, Fan Comics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, SasuNaru - Freeform, NaruSasu - Freeform, Translation, Doujinshi, Fix-It, how it should have ended, Angst, If you don’t understand how they ended up like that in Boruto READ THIS, Poetic, comedic, Loyal to canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, NSFW Art, Sex

Summary: A love story consists of different perspectives and different memories. It’s about saudade / realization / entanglement / out of control / hope / restart

Chapter700 background

Warning: adult content in extra chapters

Fan comics, doujinshi. It's highly recommended to read it on big screens such as iPad or PC. So you can see details about their facial expressions

One of the best Naruto fanart I’ve ever seen. So I translated it ❤”

Inevitablity by Sanauria_Maldhun

If the answer is

A) Yes

B) Kinda

C) Mind your own business rando internet pervert

Congrats all answers are correct = GO READ IT PLZ

Possessive & desperate 🥵 super gay, delicious angst, really hot 🔥 very enjoyable - fun tropes, everything hits just right, utter perfection ❤️ I’m not saying a lot because I don’t want to give away spoilers 😍

I couldn’t find this author on tumblr, plz tag in the comments if you know who they are!

“Chapters: 4/4

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, (between Ino and Naruto), Mutual Pining, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Banter, Domesticity, Pining, Naruto is so in love, and doesn't know how to handle his Feelings, Jealousy, Jealous Sasuke, Jealous Sakura, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Bottom Uzumaki Naruto, Top Uchiha Sasuke

Summary: Naruto's stressed and pining after a man who views him only as a friend. Deciding to get married to Ino isn't the best decision he's made (ever), given that they had been absolutely drunk while making such a declaration, but it's... a decision. Besides, what does he have to lose?”

You’ve gotten into my bloodstream (a bite of his heart) by lovenmaze

Nom nom nom 😉 kidding! Not literal cannibalism, it’s a metaphor for love, and this fic is beautiful 😍 poetic & sexy. One shot. Love how Naruto talks to Sasuke in this one (and makes him talk, too, hehe…) 🥵 delicious, please go tuck into this feast ❤️ author made an excellent fic playlist too!

Thx u @lovenmaze 😊

“https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430019

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Cannibalistic Thoughts, Cannibalism imagery, First Time, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Tender Sex, Blank Period (Naruto), Confessions, Idiots in Love, Not Beta Read, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Sex, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Smut, they’re both crazy about each other but thats not new, Poetic, Italicized Oh Moment, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, trust me it works and its SO good, consent is sexy !!!, lowkey vampire sasuke vibes

Summary: Sasuke tries to bite softly, he’s not going to eat him, maybe get a taste. Perhaps it’s stupid, but he wants to make sure, so he does. He opens his mouth, tongue touching the skin. His body shudders, and Naruto tastes warm, like skin or flesh; he tastes alive.

“A kiss is the beginning of cannibalism.”

AKA, The tender, fluffy, first-time, cannibalism (imagery), smut NaruSasu AU. [EDITED.]”

❤️Thx all u amazing authors u make me feel like this❤️

[wishcamper]

Nesta, Interrupted: gendered perceptions of alcoholism in ACOSF

CW: addiction, sexual assault, gendered violence.

Creds: I’m a licensed counselor with a degree specialization in treating addiction. I have career experience with multiple modes of mental health, trauma, and substance use treatment in women-specific carceral, institutional, and healthcare settings. And I know anyone can come on the internet and say that, but I pinky promise.

The short version:

ACOSF stigmatizes alcoholism in line with cultural standards.

Western culture feels differently about female and male alcoholics due to systemic sexism, and thus treats them differently.

Women’s experience of alcoholism is often compounded by or even a result of systemic factors and intersectional identity.

Nesta’s treatment in ACOSF, while repugnant, is in many ways very accurate of attitudes today.

(I’ll be using “women/men” and “male/female” to denote cis afab and amab people. Little research exists on the experiences of queer, nonbinary and gender expansive considerations in addiction and recovery, which is a fuckin’ shame. Studies are also largely conducted with white participants due to enormous barriers to treatment for Black, Indigenous, and people of color, so this convo is inherently incomplete where it neglects those intersections.)

Okay, first things first: ACOSF is a book that stigmatizes alcoholism. I will not be taking questions.

The number one thing to understand is that in America, land of Miss Sarah, we are very bad at addiction treatment (tx). Why? Because our culture hates addicts has as stigma around addiction. And female alcoholics bear a very specific set of stigmas based in their identity.

In Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted , Kaysen’s character is institutionalized following a non-fatal suicide attempt. When evaluated, she’s diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, that bastion of diagnoses perfect for people (75% of whom are female-identified) who don’t fit into our polite definition of functioning. As the book unfolds, she reflects on how (white) women are often pathologized when they buck against systems of oppression that create the dysfunction in them in the first place. That is not to say other women in the institution are not genuinely in need of help, nor that mental illness in women is always from a systemic wound. But it’s crucial in the treatment of female addiction and mental health disorders to considered the systemic factors of gendered violence and patriarchy, and the attitudes we hold about women who struggle with drinking.

Think about female alcoholics in media. If she’s young, she’s a loose, reckless sl*t looking for trouble and deserving of the reality check when she finds it (Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan in general). Or if the woman are older, they are discarded, or gross, or pathetic, or evil like anyone Faye Dunaway played or Eminem’s mom in 8 Mile (deep cut lol). Men are afforded a much larger spectrum of experiences and struggles - Ernest Hemingway, Leaving Las Vegas, Sideways, the dude from A Star is Born, Frank from Shameless (brilliant), frat boys, blue collar workers, introspective tortured artists, fucking IRON MAN. I could go on forever, but I hope that illustrates the depth and diversity of male-centric stories of alcoholism not often afforded to women.

One of the most empathetic and accurate portrayals of female alcoholism, in my opinion, is in the show Sharp Objects (the book, too, but actually witnessing it makes a difference). We see Amy Adams’ Camille swig vodka from an Evian bottle while fending off vicious, veiled attacks from her verbally and emotionally abusive mother and experiencing flashbacks of teenage sexual assault. We watch her struggle to find emotional safety in her conservative hometown, both wanting to fit in and get out in order to survive. We GET why she drinks and I have trouble blaming her for it even as she wreaks havoc on herself and others. We can see her clawing just to make it out alive, and alcohol is the tool she’s using to do it, for better or worse.

Which is where Nesta enters the chat. When we get our first glimpse of her alcohol use is ACOFAS, it’s portrayed as something everyone knows about but that she’s still mostly keeping it together - her dress is clean, her hair is neatly braided, she doesn’t need a chaperone to show up to a family event. The deterioration between ACOFAS and ACOSF is alarming, and we know that alcoholism is a progressive condition so that tends to happen. Was there a particular trigger? That’s hard to say. Solstice certainly didn’t help, especially with the pressures to perform and conform to the standards of the Inner Circle aka the people in power. I imagine seeing her sisters bouncey and reveling in the world that stole them and killed their father was probably.. tough, to say the least. The barge party seems to be a turning point as well, though this one is more confusing to me. But given the child abuse, extreme poverty, sexual assault, kidnapping, bodily violation, witnessing her father’s murder, almost dying, WAR - and that’s not even to mention essentially becoming a refugee - it would be amazing if she DIDN’T drink. She 100% has complex trauma, and is looking for ways to cope.

No one with full capacity dreams of becoming an addict when they grow up. Addiction, in my professional and personal experience, is largely a strategy for coping with a deeper wound. People don’t drink to feel bad. They drink to feel good, and to survive. Nesta herself is drinking to survive, but it’s having the unfortunate side effect of killing her at the same time. As she slides into active addiction, the thought of her own death may even be comforting, and alcohol in that way is her friend. (There's some interesting research right now framing addiction as an attachment disorder, but I don't know enough to speak on it much.)

So she obviously needs help. That’s not a debate. What is a debate is how the IC should best go about intervening. A variation on the Johnson method is used in ACOSF (the one from the show Intervention) and appears to be successful only because they threaten her if she doesn’t comply. This method has mixed data to support it, and while it’s very good at getting people into tx, there is a higher relapse rate for those who receive it (1). The “family” gathers and tells her the ways she’s hurt them and tell her the consequences if she doesn’t seek the help they’re offering. And again, so many of their reason are the effects on THEM, how she’s making THEM look, not her pain.

The IC’s ignorance and dismissal of her alcoholism in ACOSF is frankly mystifying. Why do they intervene on all the drinking and sexing, anyway? It seems like they’ve been fine enough with it up to this point. But now it's gone too far, not because of her illness but because she is embarrassing them. And I don’t know about you, but between Cassian apparently fucking half of Velaris and Mor’s heavily documented emotional drinking, that’s hard to square. It makes it feel much more likely that they don’t like the way she is coping, that she is not fitting into their picture of who she’s supposed to be. This picture is inherently gendered, because Prythian society and those who live in it have explicit and implicit expectations of gender roles, whether they’ll admit it or not. Cassian and Mor are playing their roles well; Nesta is not.

That leads me to believe it is NOT all about her, but the systemic and internal factors influencing their perception of her and the ways she’s struggling. It’s distasteful to them for her, a female, to be deteriorating this publicly, despite the fact that her very identity makes it harder for her to function in the patriarchy of Prythian. We hear almost exclusively about sexual violence against women, aside from 2 male characters. Past or present assault of women is a major plot point on multiple occasions (Mor, Gwyn, Nesta, Emerie, Rhysands mom and sister, the lady of autumn, Cassians mom, Azriels mom, I could go on). But something about the way Nesta is contending with that is unacceptable, and I believe it’s because she’s not trying to cover up her dysfunction. In prythian, we keep these things hidden- Mor’s assault is never processed in full, Azriel’s mom seems to be alone at Rosehall, priestesses are literally hidden inside a mountain for centuries. Women process trauma alone and in the dark, but Nesta is in the light and she is loud. She is refusing to hide her problems, and the IC don’t like that, whether they realize it or not.

So why don’t the IC understand this? Like I said earlier, as a culture we hate addicts, or what they stand for, in very much the same way I think we hate people experiencing homelessness. We convince ourselves it was a series of bad choices that led someone where they are, choices we would never make because we are smart, smarter than them. We believe are more in control than that. We can prevent bad things from happening to us because we are good, because we are better than whoever it’s happening to. But the reality is almost ALL of us are one hospital stay away from homelessness, just as all of us are one trauma away from addiction. And with female addicts, we have another layer of expecting women to only struggle nicely and quietly, or to go away. Intersectional factors are at play here, too: white women are much more likely to have alcoholism attributed to mental health and trauma factors, where people of color often suffer the same addiction being more associated with crime. You can imagine how that plays out differently.

So what is the effect of all this? Gendered expectations lead to not only external stigma around addiction and tx, but also to internalized stigma which can limit willingness to seek tx. (2) Many social forces encourage women to drink and discourage them from telling anyone. Factors such as poverty, family planning, access to education, racial discrimination, and location can make services harder to access. Internally, women are more likely to enter treatment with less confidence in their ability to succeed, but report more strengths and more potential to grow recovery strengths during and following tx. For men, the pattern is reversed (3). And women have more successful tx episodes overall when gendered considerations are a part of the design and implementation of services (4). For Nesta, the effect is that she’s forced into treatment and copes by having hate sex with her ex and changing herself to conform to her family’s expectations while the House and the Valkyrie’s actually take care of her. I do not see how Sarah drew the line from there to recovery, I truly don’t. If anything, she recovers in spite of the ICs intervention, not because of it.

In summary, Nesta Archeron deserved better. Nesta deserved the same compassion the book gives to men who are struggling, and it’s a reflection of not just the book’s culture but the author’s culture that she doesn’t get it. Female alcoholics are worthy of treatment that integrates their identities, as those identities are often essential factors contributing to their addiction. What's shown in ACOSF is a reality many women live, and they shouldn't have to.

Barry Loneck, James A.��Garrett & Steven M Banks (1996) The Johnson Intervention and Relapse During Outpatient Treatment, The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 22:3, 363-375, DOI: 10.3109/00952999609001665

Groshkova T, Best D, White W. The Assessment of Recovery Capital: Properties and psychometrics of a measure of addiction recovery strengths. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2013;32(2):187–94.

Best D, Vanderplasschen W, Nisic M. Measuring capital in active addiction and recovery: the development of the strengths and barriers recovery scale (SABRS). Subst Abuse Treat, Prev Policy. 2020;15(1):1–8.

Polak, K., Haug, N.A., Drachenberg, H.E. et al. Gender Considerations in Addiction: Implications for Treatment. Curr Treat Options Psych 2, 326–338 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-015-0054-5

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

hi 🐊 me again

i figured id ask soneone who actually gives a rats ass about colm since most of my pals dont lol ^-^ last ask posted gave me the push to ask

i think a lot about kieran describing colms happiness as "a ray of sunshine" when speaking about him at the campfire. of course it could just mean that kieran isnt being treated horribly, and thats a ray of sunshine to the him, but i like to think his standards are a little higher even if they never get met.

ive always liked to imagine it as actually meaning something, at least to kieran. its lead me to believe that in an ideal world, kieran was moreso colms personal errand boy rather than just the gangs as a whole, that would make all of the o'driscolls recognizing him make sense. and that would also make the "sunshine" line make more sense too, if kieran was colms own little whipping boy, they would probably have a slightly closer relationship than most. after all, during the camp raid in chapter 1, we do see kieran directly grabbed snd hit by colm.

but im mostly curious about your thoughts on it all, especially as someone whos colm brained (i am trying to get myself there honestly ^-^). id looooove to know your interpretation of that line and what it says about the o'driscoll leader !! its always stuck out to me considering how little they try to humanize colm elsewhere for most of the game, and kieran says it with so much energy that youre stuck believing him.

Oh man, I am glad to get this ask because I love colm discussions. I kind of lagged on answering this because I wasn’t sure if I could actually bring a lot of interesting stuff up to talk about. Colm had so little screen time that it’s hard for me to get a grasp.

Okay. So… sunshine… ☀️

When Kieran said this it immediately made me think of cyclical abuse tactics where there is a period of good treatment followed by destruction.

I believe Colm is much the same as Dutch with having the ability to draw people in and stick with a commonality + a common goal. The O’D are drawn together by the commonality of being Irish heritage (despite Colm being American but has an Irish name). Their common goal is money and the outlaw freedom to do bad and feel invincible in numbers.

Colm doesn’t put a lot of 1:1 time with his gang so I can’t assert how he treats the rest of the gang (likely like a distant boss). But I can make a guess how he treats his close circle of people based off of Kieran’s dialogue.

Why is Kieran selected to stick with the gang? That deserves its own post, but let’s pretend Colm took a liking to Kieran and let him be the personal whipping boy; Someone who showed he was malleable enough to not put up a fight when bossed around (and disposable).

As for the sunshine, I think that could be Kieran recalling the times Colm had treated him well. Not just “he didn’t punch me today. Yay!” But 1:1 personal attention that is so far from what Colm usually does for the rest that it makes Kieran feel on top of the world. Of course he isn’t actually treated well, but it is that friendly talking and ease of laughter that makes Kieran almost forget it’s not sincere.

I think Kieran would be touch starved, and Colm knows this, so he uses brief kind gestures of touch to persuade Kieran. This is me being me but I rlly like Colm touching people’s hair. It is such an invasive and personal thing to do but also 🗣️♥️head scratches and getting your hair played with feels nice‼️♥️. It’s that dissonance between “this is creepy but also I haven’t been shown kindness since my parents died.”

It’s compared to sunshine because Colm’s nice attention is like being singled out by the sun in a cold mountain. It is a spotlight.

The flip side of “when he’s angry, it’s like the devil is upon you” is harder for me to define. I sometimes struggle with media analysis when it comes to imagining things I don’t get to clearly see in the media. Leaving stuff to the imagination is powerful, but I need something of substance to bite into for me to analyze.

I feel like Colm’s anger can be unpredictable. He has the men power and persistence to extend his anger not just to you when he is before you, but to you at all times. I don’t think Kieran was only paranoid, I think he had good reason to fear every moment he was being watched. The one time he let down his guard, he was snatched. There are also letters across the game written by O’Driscolls where they make threats and allude to them stalking people.

Colm’s anger in person is hard to read. I don’t think he yells except in a few cases, he always whispers and talks in such an eerie way. Pardon me as I copy and paste what I told some friends on the topic of his voice…

“He talks in a way that fries my brain because I know I shouldn’t trust him and he DOES sound untrust worthy but I can’t get my claws into what specifically is setting off my radar.

[in blessed are the peacemaker] After the threatening “I liked Annabell” line, Colm is so ominously silent, drawing out the tension moments longer before he just???? Smiles and almost laughs. It’s so playful and harmless sounding (without the context of the situation). Such a fucking 180 and unseriousness. He also says ‘you’ve always liked the ladies,’ as if Colm knows how shallow and fast Dutch likes and falls out with women.

And then the ‘I like that about you,’ whisper is just… Colm. Very colmy. Just whispering something as if it’s some secret or to emphasize it.

Colm is incapable of going one sentence without changing his tone/delivery/pacing/breathiness all to throw off how to read him.

He talks like he is a three headed snake-rat-vulture chimera.”

He turns on a dime when talking to Kieran in Chapter 1 (mission Old Friend? I forgot the name). He holds an amicable conversation for a few moments before something suddenly cues Colm to grab Kieran and give him two quick slaps across the face, then shove him and yell at him. It’s brief, but Colm has been shown to have the capacity to get his hands directly on people, not just use his gang as an extension of his hands. I also want to mention the intentions detail of Colm being atop his horse and leaning down to talk to Kieran. Visual story telling/signifying rank and dynamic. Even when speaking amicably, Colm is in command.

I wish I had more research in my brain of manipulation tactics that would lead to this, but I do think Colm either keeps easy to influence people or already morally corrupt people in his ranks so they’ll easily align with him when he is angry. Hence Kieran mentioning how “he’s mad. And you’re upset and you don’t know why… as long as it isn’t directed at you, you don’t care!”

^ I believe what I am talking about are “Flying Monkeys” in the context of psychology and narcissists. Brief rehashing of what TheraminTrees taught me but it’s when people knowingly or unknowingly are recruited by narcissists to extend their influence / control beyond direct interactions.

I don’t think just anyone could be slotted into Colm’s gang and especially not his close ring of people. That man had an eye for picking people who will easily follow and carry out his bidding.

I don’t think the game could have humanized him a whole lot outside of one of his abuse victims briefly mentioning how colm had moments of good treatment. As the audience (extra: as the audience looking through Arthur’s eyes), there is no good way the game could have made ups sympathize or respect Colm because we ourselves aren’t the kind of people who would believe the sickly sweet lies Colm drip feeds to keep his men by his side.

I do like how they managed to at least briefly allude to a “kind” side to Colm. It would have been so easy to paint Colm as a black and white bad man with no redeeming traits (and I am sure that’s how some fans see him if they missed or ignored Kieran’s camp interaction). But that tiny mention makes him so interesting to me.

As much as I hate how little screen time he got, that’s in character for him. He is elusive, he is hard to read, he is contradictory in how he talks (sounding so humored one minute and deathly silent the next). He is… so. God damn. Slimy.

I love Colm as a character so much it is actually driving me ballistics.

SIGHHHH LONG ANALYSIS BUT ANYWAYS thank you for sending this ask this was a good use of like…. Two hours.

[foressfaction]

Mentions of substance usage, abuse, death, and spoilers for Origin of Cross-X

Leo’s uncle, William, wasn't just the typical alcoholic abusive character in the story. He was far more than that. When I started Cross-X’s story, I took into consideration every character I added in, and gave them all their own little story. For William though, I'm not too sure if i made it clear enough, but he was always abusive to Ronnie from the get go, just being a violent man in general, toxic and narcissistic. Ronnie didn't know any better treatment.

It wasn't fully until Leo got taken into their family. William became less physically abusive and more verbally, toning it back on Ronnie as well. It was mainly to do with Leo being still just 12 and knowing that Ronnie was a bit older now and might lash out more. Overall William didn't bother anymore..

That was obvious until he got violent with his wife Susie and got sent to jail by the secret call of Leo using the bedroom phone after William smashed the main one. (landline phones)

William vowed to be a better husband and dad to Ronnie and Susie but now held a grudge against the younger boy. He was bailed out by Susie after a financial struggle and realizing he could have changed (which was probably one of the stupidest decisions made by her.)

William was a drug addict, blew their money like crazy, verbally and emotionally abused the family, and much more further mentioned in the story.

William was secretly drugging Susie until she became a walking zombie and unable to function sometimes. This caused her to also lash out occasionally or just not understand simple sentences given to her. Eventually the succumbed to the condition she was in and William, knowing he killed his wife, stuffed her body into their mattress to rot. While William then lost himself further into the drugs and alcohol till he too would pass out on the couch occasionally.

This took Leo to finally return home after running away for months to a near year after the accident with Ronnie. He realized what happened and everything fell together like a puzzle. Anger took over him and he murdered his uncle in his own cold blood, using a shattered bottle.

We wanna believe that there was a main goal for William going this far and doing all of this but there really wasn't. This was just an example of someone born evil. Even when he was younger he caused trouble and underaged drank and smoked. There was no fixing him.

[sleeplessgreaser]

Animal Room (1995)

Directed by Craig Singer, starring Matthew Lillard and Neil Patrick Harris, this movie is WILD. If you like Matthew Lillard, or you just enjoy strange and obscure movies, it's possible you've heard of this one! Well, I decided to write an essay on it, because I have autism I love this movie for some odd reason. Also, it is impossible to google information about this movie so consider this my version of Wikipedia for the movie, Animal Room.

WARNING: This movie, and the following post, contains a lot of dark themes. Please be aware that this movie includes murder, suicide, peer abuse, substance abuse, domestic abuse, animal abuse, rape, religious themes, satanic themes, gun violence, and very graphic depictions of pretty much all of the above.

Still interested? Alright, let's get into it then. (Also, this is really long, sorry.)

This movie is strange, confusing, terrifying, shocking, and downright disturbing. It supposedly takes place in the near future, though the exact year isn’t defined, and this can be seen through odd clothing styles and the occasionally weird setting choices. I would say a lot of it is inspired by the suburban gothic dystopian genre? (Niche, I know, but stay with me here.) Topped off with a hint of The Matrix… are you still here? Okay, cool, because it’s only going to get weirder.

First off, we need to know all of the characters, and there are a lot. Many characters have their names mentioned in passing, and as a result we don’t really know who is who, so I will do my best to explain them all.

The first person we see is known as Pink, played by Ryan Payne Bell. He’s a pale redhead with frizzy hair, typically seen wearing a bowler hat and trench coat. Pink is a part of Doug Van Housen’s gang, who we soon find hanging out on the pier of a seemingly abandoned carnival. Doug, often referred to as simply ‘Van Housen’, is played by Matthew Lillard. He has jet-black hair, styled in a messy bowl cut, and he wears multiple different outfits throughout the movie, always consisting of whites and blacks. His style could only be described as “modern vampiric”. (Which actually makes a lot of sense, once you get to know him.) His girlfriend, Shelly, played by Lori Heuring, has long blond hair and can usually be found hanging off of Doug’s arm. The other members of the gang include Eddie, Porky, and Hinge. Eddie LeMaster, played by Brian Vincent, has short brown hair and is usually wearing a leather jacket or a sleeveless shirt. Porky, played by Eddie Malavarca, can easily be recognized by his bright red (sometimes black) bandana and curly black hair. And finally, Hinge, played by Dechen Thurman, has straight brown hair that comes down to his shoulders and is always carrying, if not actively reading, a book.

As far as I can tell, the hierarchy of the gang is as follows: Doug is the leader, Shelly is his “consort” of sorts (she isn’t really treated as part of the gang, but more like an ally who gets special treatment), Hinge is Doug’s confidant while Eddie is the main instigator, and Porky and Pink are the goons who hang around just to be a part of the fun and do what they’re told. Hinge and Eddie seem to be important to Doug – Eddie is loud and excitable, likes to start shit and cause chaos, while Hinge is quiet and reserved and silently encourages Doug’s bad behavior. We see throughout the movie that Doug is often annoyed by Eddie’s behavior (along with Pink’s and Porky’s), whereas with Hinge he seems to enjoy his company. We see him often leaning on Hinge’s shoulder, listening to him explain complex topics or just zoning out while Hinge is reading a book. Their relationship is subtle, as Doug treats Hinge as if they were friends, meanwhile with the other three he’s a bit more leader-ly.

Eventually we meet our protagonist, Arnold Mosk, played by Neil Patrick Harris. Arnie is a young boy, with short blond hair and thin glasses, who is actively dealing with a drug problem. In his free time, Arnie sneaks into the school auditorium and takes hallucinogens while sitting out in front of the stage. He has no friends (minus Gary), no social life, and he talks like an absolute nerd with a cynical, nihilistic, and severely depressive outlook on life. Here’s an actual quote from him when someone asked him “What happened?”: “Oh, nothing untypical. Barbarians rarely capitulate.” … I mean, come on. Is it any wonder he gets bullied?

Anyways, we learn that the school has designed a special “class” of sorts for troublesome students, and Arnie (being a drug addict) has to be a part of that class. As a result, he’s become a target for Van Housen and his gang – well at least, he’s become a bigger target than before. There are two adults in the school who are important to the story, the principal and a teacher who acts as Arnie’s therapist. Principal Jones, played by Stephen Pearlman, is the secondary antagonist of the story, as his choice to continue the use of the "Class for Troublesome Kids" is the main issue for our protagonist, and Doug Van Housen’s abuse is simply a result of it. Meanwhile, Doctor Rankin, played by Joesph Siflavo, is Arnie’s only advocate on the schoolboard as he actively argues against the use of the "Class for Troublesome Kids" or, at the very least, that Arnie doesn’t belong in there. Throughout the movie, Arnie visits Rankin’s office to confide in him about his troubles, and in turn Rankin tries to convince him to stop using drugs.

This special class, known by the students as the ‘Animal Room’, seems to be either an all-day class or at least a homeroom for the students that are assigned to it. Principal Jones claims that the class is for the sake of the 95% of students who are not troublesome, and that the 5% who are should simply be kept away from the rest so that the majority can succeed. However, this means that the 5% of students who are not a part of the “good” population are rounded up together and left to fight amongst themselves. This classroom is found in a basement area, at the end of a long hallway filled with short flights of stairs and graffiti, and security guards sit (or, most often, sleep) outside the door. In this classroom, we find Doug Van Housen and the rest of his gang (minus Shelly) and some other students who have been deemed troublesome, such as ‘Baldy’ (more on him later) and Arnie. This room is filled with shoddy desks and chairs, cement walls lined with pipes and ductwork, and a single television which is always playing the same thing: a recording of a man dressed in all black, similar to the security guards, with slicked back hair and wearing matrix-style sunglasses. This man is usually inaudible, but is always speaking in a very authoritative tone and staring directly at the camera. Watching this TV seems to be the only thing in the classroom the students are “permitted” to do, although there is rarely a teacher, or even a security guard, inside the room to stop them from doing otherwise. If things start to get loud, however, the guards outside will come in to stop it.

Next, we meet Gary Trancer, played by Gabriel Olds. He’s Arnie’s only friend, and apparently has been his friend since they were kids, but in the past few years they’ve grown apart. Gary’s girlfriend, Debbie, played by Amanda Peet, apparently either temporarily dated or had a one-night stand with Eddie LeMaster, and as a result Eddie holds a grudge against Gary for “stealing his girl”. This, combined with Gary’s brave attempts to protect Arnie from the school bullies, makes him into a target as well.

Now that we know all the characters and their roles, let’s get into the actual story. First off, we truly learn just how bad things are at this school when Van Housen’s gang ambushes Arnie in the bathroom, and I’m begging you to skip the rest of this paragraph if you’d rather not be horrified by something that is so terrifyingly real it truly sickens me. Ready? Doug begins to beat Arnie, while Pink and Eddie are taunting him and Hinge is flicking the light switch on and off like it’s some kind of nightmare. We see Porky walk out of a bathroom stall, buckling his pants, and the boys grab Arnie and drag him into the stall, while he’s struggling and crying. Doug, who’s standing over the toilet facing Arnie, grabs him by the back of the head and shoves him face-first into the bowl filled with Porky’s shit. Arnie is gagging, suffocating, and essentially being drowned, until finally he stops struggling and allows himself to go still. The gang leaves him there, gasping, coughing, and puking on the floor of the bathroom. This scene may not be as bad in writing, but actually watching it play out legitimately made me feel sick.

Soon after, we see Arnie and Doug sitting in the principal’s office – Arnie, looking half-dead, and Doug playfully giving himself paperclip nails. The principal sits down and begins to scold both of them, as if Arnie had been equally in the wrong, and then proceeds to deal out zero punishment.

We then see Doug making his way home. He walks through a cemetery, passes by a lone guitar player sitting on a small dock playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata (No. 14 in C-sharp Minor). His home is a giant mansion, and when he walks in he immediately strips naked in front of his butler, then walks up the stairs, leaving the butler to pick up his clothes. Meanwhile, Arnold is having a hallucination about being at a bar with creepy old men, presumably the one where he got his drugs, and is being strip-teased by a woman in white lingerie while a baby cries in the distance.

I warned you that this movie was wild, and it's only going to get wilder from here!

The next thing that happens is that Van Housen’s gang, along with Shelly, bursts into the home of Shelly’s family (Shelly being Doug’s girlfriend, in case you forgot). Her mother is upstairs taking a bath, while her father and brother are sitting at the table eating dinner. Once again, if you'd rather not be traumatized by the horrifying actions of Doug Van Housen then I suggest you skip the rest of this paragraph. They start taunting and torturing her father, who is confined to a wheelchair and begins to have trouble breathing. Eddie grabs a trash bag and pulls it over her father’s head, suffocating him for a moment before dragging him out of his chair, meanwhile Doug has climbed the stairs to interrogate Shelly’s mother, who is now wearing a bathrobe. Doug asks for the gun owned by Shelly’s father, threatening to rape the mother among other things. She slaps him, then gets the gun and asks him to leave. As the gang heads out the door, Eddie hangs back and pulls Doug aside, whispering something. The camera cuts to Shelly’s mother, sitting on the stairs, and Eddie walks up, grabs her by the hair and drags her to the bedroom as she screams.

I warned you, this movie is disturbing.

Later, in Dr. Rankin’s office, Arnie tells him a story about how a group of thugs once beat up Van Housen, and how slowly, over the next year, each of those thugs disappeared and were eventually found dead.

Later that day, Gary visits Arnie’s home to discuss how they’ve grown apart. He wants to reconnect, and they talk about going on a trip to the Caribbean, something they had always dreamed of doing back when they were children. They decide to finally take that trip in the summer, as soon as their final year of high school is over and before Gary has to leave for college. It’s important to note that Gary is the only person in the school, besides Dr. Rankin, who treats Arnie like a regular human being. Everyone else, even casual peers, see him as a freak or weirdo. Also, once Gary leaves, Arnie scolds his mother for being a drunk, and for acting weird when Gary came to visit. (To be fair, she was acting very weird, but it was obviously out of innocence, and I don’t think she deserved to be scolded like that by her own son.)

When we get to see Doug Van Housen’s room, we learn a bit more about who he is as a person, and Why He's Like That. Religious paraphernalia, paintings and statues line the walls alongside gothic hanging lamps and candles. His bed has a gigantic headboard, and we see him lying in bed wearing reading glasses, looking through a book that mentions King Henry VI.

We now get to meet Baldy, played by Huckleberry Fox, in the Animal Room. He’s drawing at his desk, while Van Housen’s gang is discussing hypotheticals, and Doug walks over and begins messing with him. Doug starts nosing the side of Baldy’s face, whispering in his ear tauntingly, then spits on the back of his head, where we see he has a tattoo of a ghoul. Baldy jumps up, turning around to yell “Why are you such a filthy scumbag?!” The gang all jump to defend him before a guard walks in to break it up.

Arnie has a hallucination about the carnival, where he finds the rotting corpse of Doug Van Housen wrapped up in plastic like a game prize. Doug asks him, “Do you see what your friend did to me?”

We cut to Baldy, who is helping to run a recording session for the band, Misfits (yes, the real band), and Van Housen’s gang is sneaking into the studio. When he isn’t looking, they sneak into the room and grab him. The band, on the other side of the glass (which is apparently one sided, as they can’t seem to see the events on the other side) begins playing again while the gang begins to interrogate Baldy for calling Doug a “filthy scumbag”. After a few minutes of torment, they shove Baldy to the ground and Doug begins slamming his head into the floor. The others look afraid, Eddie yells at him to stop, Baldy is bleeding and has gone limp. Doug wipes a hand over Baldy’s face, kisses his forehead and says “Goodnight.”

We then cut to Baldy’s father, sitting at home and staring at a picture of him, then we cut back to the gang who has now moved to their usual hangout on the carnival pier.

Shelly arrives (she must have gone home for a bit, since she had been there when Doug killed Baldy), and she’s holding a small rabbit. Porky and Pink are cooing over it, and Shelly brings the rabbit over to Doug for him to hold. She watches as he twists the bunny’s neck, killing it, and she begins crying and screaming hysterically. Porky and Pink decide to escort her home, Hinge and Eddie leave soon after, and Doug is left alone.

Pink, who is now seen walking around town, is cornered by Baldy’s father who pulls out a gun and shoots him. He falls dead on the street.

At school, in the Animal Room, Eddie pulls the fire alarm. Everyone is evacuated out of the building, but Doug corners Arnie and keeps him from leaving. Doug begins telling him the story of Job from the bible. Oh, and also he tells Arnie, “I want your blood in my mouth.”

Later, in Dr. Rankin’s office when Arnie is recounting the event to him, Rankin admits to Arnie that he’s going to be leaving the school due to a job offer. Arnie leaves, and when we next see him he has a gun. He pretends he’s pointing it at Doug, then considers pointing it at himself. We see him sitting in the school hallway, leaning against the lockers and fiddling with the gun. He puts the gun in his mouth, and a teacher and janitor catch him before he pulls the trigger. He points the gun at the janitor, who pulls out his own gun and shoots him.

Arnie ends up in the hospital, in a coma. His mother and Gary are there with him.

Van Housen’s gang, which has now dwindled to only four members, is once again hanging out on the carnival pier. Gary approaches them, holding a gun and pointing it directly at Doug. Doug makes Hinge, Eddie and Porky leave, then stands with his arms out, daring Gary to shoot. Gary screams, shooting off five rounds, each one missing Van Housen. Doug walks to Gary, carefully taking the gun from his hands. He shoots the last round into the air, then leaves with his friends.

Debbie (Gary’s girlfriend) is throwing a party. Gary is there, but sitting alone in another room, away from the other guests. Through the doors come bursting Eddie and Porky, behind them is Hinge who has Doug hanging off of him. As Doug steps out from behind Hinge we see he’s sporting a brand new look. His hair is slicked back, and a dark red circular mark is branded onto his forehead. His face is pale, and he’s wearing all black. The gang leaves, and it’s just Gary and Doug, alone.

Doug says he’s going to hurt Arnie as soon as he’s out of the hospital, and Gary tackles him. They immediately begin throwing punches, until Doug gets his hands around Gary’s throat and begins choking him. Doug tosses him to the ground, then pulls out the gun he took from him. Doug sits down on the floor, setting the gun in front of him and Gary grabs it, putting it directly to Doug’s forehead who then pulls his hand down to point the gun into his mouth. Gary backs away, dropping the gun fearfully.

Doug says, “Gary. I will be there when your children wake up. I will be there when you get married. I will be there at your next birthday. I will be there when little Arnie gets out of the hospital. You hear what I’m saying to you, Gary? I will always be there.”

“I will always be there.”

On the wall is a decorative sword. Gary takes it down as Van Housen holds his arms out, once again inviting him to make a move. Gary slashes the sword across his chest, mimicking Doug’s corpse in Arnie’s hallucination. Doug falls limply to the ground.

The police are called.

Officers walk into the room.

Doug is still holding the sword.

They shoot him.

My Thoughts:

Okay, so first of all, Gary was too good for this world. He was the only likeable character in the entire movie, and I was devastated when he died, especially because it was so sudden and they really make you think he’s in the clear. Second, Doug Van Housen, and his group, are absolutely fascinating to me. Their dynamics are just so intriguing, especially the one between Doug and Hinge. Of course, there are so many oddities about this movie that it all feels like a fever dream. The clothing choices, the symbolism, the dialogue, it’s all so wild.

Honestly, I don’t know if I would recommend this movie. On one hand I think it is fascinating, and could be very interesting to some people, but on the other hand it is hard to understand and will likely just leave you questioning things. You’re telling me Doug Van Housen has killed at least five people and faced no charges for any of those murders, when clearly everyone knows he did it? And then when Pink is killed, no one mourns him, and his death is barely even recognized by the characters. Baldy’s father had two seconds of screentime: mourning his child, and shooting Pink. That event is never acknowledged after that. Then, Shelly was so in love with Doug that she forgot who he was, she forgot that he’s a psychopath. She thought she was special, but she wasn’t. He kills her rabbit and then she’s gone, and we don’t see her again. And what about her family? They tortured Shelly’s mother and father, and they just chose not to press charges?? And last but not least, Arnold, who ended up in a coma, is going to wake up one day and find out that his only friend is dead. He was already suicidal, his mother might as well pull the plug and let him go because as soon as he finds out about Gary he’ll probably try to off himself anyways.

Really, the only way to truly understand the movie is to watch it for yourself. As far as I know there is basically no way to buy it anywhere online, and no streaming services have it. Thankfully, someone on youtube has uploaded the whole thing for free. You can find it easily just by looking it up! If you want to know when certain things happen (so that you can skip them or skip to them) or if you have any questions regarding the movie, feel free to shoot me a message or leave a comment!

[purple-petrichor]

Gero and Scars

MarriageToxin Theory Time: Gero is horribly scarred. Specifically, on his torso.

Let's explore this:

>>Already has a facial scar

Gero is a bit unique among romcom protagonists for having a visible facial scar. And that one looks CHEMICAL. We know that Gero's upbringing was rough--was it due to his harsh poison training? If so, there's no way that treatment didn't leave other lasting marks elsewhere on his body.

>>Clothing as cover

Through the series so far, Gero tends to hide his body. He's shy to begin with, leaping away from nudity (with Kinosaki in chp 1, and with Ushio chp 91). But this also applies to himself as well. Gero is largely conservative about his own clothing.

He wears big, baggy clothes. Never goes anywhere without his coat either (although the character profile notes this is due to his job--lots of poison compounds hiding under there). It's relevant to note that we haven't seen him shirtless yet, despite other male characters (Sound User, Ushio's gym-obsessed uncle) stripping down.

Furthermore, when on the Ocean date with Himekawa, Gero wears a FULL WETSUIT. He really covers as much of his body as possible.

>>Hesitance around physical intimacy

Although this is a smaller point, it could perhaps be relevant. We know that Gero is very anxious about touch. Over the course of lots of character development he's become much more comfortable (such as being on Arashiyama's lap) with it, but in early chapters he used to physically flinch away and duck out of reach (Kinosaki, Ureshino). This could hint at a deeper discomfort with touch and physical intimacy--maybe he's subconsciously afraid of what people might 'discover' if they get too close.

>>All for the family

We have heard Gero speak about his childhood upbringing, and it was not a happy one.

The Poison Clan has no problem abusing their children if it means competent heirs. We see 'sensei' hitting him to the point of internal injury. And we also see him as an older boy, trembling as he works with chemicals.

Furthermore, when it comes to facial scars, his cousin Teruaki has one as well, at one eyebrow. It runs in the family, being a trauma that leaves marks both seen and unseen. Come to think of it, it's a bit strange that his sister Akari doesn't have one? If she does, where is it? I swear to god if that was because of some twisted sexist reason like 'don't ruin the girl's face so we can marry her off' ughhh Either way, in the Gero clan, there's no way you get out unscathed. Literally.

>>Survivor of a death game

This has not been fully elaborated on in-canon, but the implications have been fairly strong. The Poison Clan appears to select (or perfect) their heir by having children go through a set of trials. The survivor (?) becomes the official heir. Gero himself refers to this as essentially a death game.

It would be impossible to get out of this kind of Hunger Games without receiving some nasty injuries. Especially given the kinds of chemical substances that these potential heirs may have played with. Not to mention, the scene with him in kimono is the first appearance of that incredibly suspicious scar around Gero's eye, which I suspect may have a dramatic reveal later on. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if his body is littered with scars and/or other chemical burn marks.

What if Gero takes his shirt off and we just see a battlefield.

EDIT: slightly jossed by this counterpoint:

>>Arms

We do see a bit more skin than usual in his cat cafe date! Arashiyama really has a way of loosening him up. Here, the front of Gero's arms are visible, all the way to the mid-biceps. And....there's no scars. No suspicious chemical burns or missing fingertips. Hmm. Maybe he's a miracle heir and managed to avoid all damage except his eye? Or there are scars, just hidden around where the T-shirt covers instead?

[maaarine]

Women are being diagnosed with ADHD at unprecedented rates. Here's why. (Kaelyn Lynch, National Geographic, Jan 16 2024)

"There are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive, and combined.

Girls and women tend to have the inattentive type, characterized by disorganization, forgetfulness, and struggles with starting and staying on task.

“They’re more likely to be seen as daydreamers, or lost in the clouds,” says Julia Schechter, co-director of Duke University’s Center for Women and Girls with ADHD.

Even hyperactive or combined-type girls often display their symptoms differently than boys—such as excessive talking, twirling their hair or constantly shaking their legs, and emotional reactivity.

“Their symptoms are just as impairing, but can fly under the radar,” Schechter says.

When clinical psychologist Kathleen Nadeau co-authored Understanding Girls with ADHD in 1999—one of the first real attempts to characterize how ADHD appeared in young girls—the research community still thought of ADHD almost exclusively as a “boy disorder.”

“We were laughed at during conferences,” says Nadeau, now recognized as an authority on women with ADHD.

“They said, ‘We’ve got these guys that are in the principal’s office three times a week, getting suspended and throwing spitballs. And you’ve got these quiet girls making honor roll grades and you think they have ADHD?’”

While that attitude has started to change, the overwhelming majority of research on ADHD has been done in boys and men, leading to the hyperactive, disruptive boy stereotype of ADHD.

Many girls with ADHD excel in school, though it comes at a price—they may get an A on a paper but stay up the night before writing it after being unable to focus for weeks.

“Girls work very hard to hide their problems. ‘I don’t want the teacher to be mad at me, I don’t want my parents to be mad at me,’” Nadeau says.

Experts call this masking, or how people socialized as female tend to find ways to compensate for their symptoms due to societal expectations.

“They have to put in at least twice the effort of other people if they’re determined to do well,” Nadeau says.

“You can’t let people know that you’re falling apart,” says Janna Moen, 31, a postdoctoral research scientist at Yale Center for Infection and Immunity with a PhD in neuroscience, who was diagnosed with ADHD in her late 20s.

Like many girls who go untreated, Moen scored top grades in school and went on to have a successful career, but years of masking her symptoms contributed to her developing mental health and self-esteem issues, and struggling in personal relationships.

Like Moen, who showed symptoms of ADHD from childhood, girls and women are more likely to have their symptoms mistaken for emotional or learning difficulties and are less likely to be referred for assessments.

Gender bias also may play a role: in two studies where teachers were presented with vignettes of children with ADHD, when the child’s names and pronouns were changed from female to male, they were more likely to be recommended for treatment and offered extra support.

All these misconceptions mean that girls with ADHD are being overlooked and untreated well into adulthood.

As David Goodman, the director of the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder Center of Maryland and an assistant professor at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, points out, the ratio of boys to girls with ADHD in childhood is about three to one, while in adults, it’s about one to one, suggesting that ADHD prevalence is more equal across genders, with women being diagnosed later. (…)

Compared to their neurotypical peers, women with ADHD are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, substance abuse, and eating disorders.

They are also five times more likely to experience intimate partner violence, seven times more likely to have attempted suicide, and have higher rates of unplanned or early pregnancy.

One Danish study showed that the risk of premature death in women with ADHD was more than twice that of men with ADHD, potentially due to women being less likely to be diagnosed and receive treatment."

[tales-from-the-railway-beyond]

Last batch! And it’s a doozy!

Donald is the twin brother of Douglas, and of the two, he’s the most likely to get in a fight. Donald is quick to anger and quick to fight, fiercely loyal and protective of friends and family. He’s also the stronger of the two, and the quickest talker. Donald loves caramel but hates toffee.

Douglas is the twin brother of Donald, and is arguably cleverer and calmer. While having a temper of his own, Douglas is less eager to fight, and will more than likely think his way out. He’s not the strongest, but he finds new methods of working around such, and is a bit more laid back. Douglas loves toffee but hates caramel.

Oliver’s past is a storied one, and stories are his favorite thing. After recovering from serious substance abuse and a lack of treatment for schizophrenia, Oliver has been deemed ready for work again and boy, does he want to prove it! He’s a hard worker, loves to chat, but sometimes suffers from mild hallucinations. They aren’t harmful, but they make him anxious and nervous, as he starts to spiral whilst thinking of the worst case scenario. Nevertheless, Oliver’s main traits are persistence and determination. Oliver likes to write and illustrate his stories so he can donate the books to local libraries.

Emily is a smart and caring type, a little on the bossy side but well-meaning all the same. She is a confident figure, unafraid to stand up to others when she sees fit, going so far as to be pushy about important matters to the Hatts themselves. This is a debatable quality. Regardless, Emily has made quite a name for herself on the rails already, and will often support or even lead union-based efforts. She enjoys cats, and will pet every cat she sees.

“Devious” Diesel is essentially an asshole. He’s rude, crass, smokes and drinks during breaks, and isn’t the most fun to be around. He earns respect via proving that he can be competent, as well as through acts of violence. The other diesel engineers respect him and deliver what he throws at them right back, but the steam engineers find him quite horrid. Diesel doesn’t mind. He got the nickname ‘Devious Diesel’ for a reason. Diesel actually enjoys collecting various different jackets, and prides himself on his appearance (despite looking oftentimes disheveled).

[ms-nesbit]

Good jay hunting (chapter three of empire records)

Chapter one and two found here (x) (x)

Rating: 18+ (say it with me: minors, fuck off!)

Summary: y/n and jason go on a date at the gotham cemetery, where jason tells y/n about his tenure as robin. Her feelings for him deepens, so much that he receives a surprise when the date is over.

Trigger warning! This chapter dives into Jason Todd’s history, which includes: d0mestic vi0lence, r@pe, pr0stitution, substance @buse, child @abuse, and neglect. PLEASE be advised.

ao3

Note: I fucking loved writing this chapter. I will take a break though because it hit a little too close to home for me. I hope you all enjoy and, as always, reblog and refrain from being a dickhead and reposting my work elsewhere. Thank you!

A cold front ushered into Gotham quicker than the summer heat could pay its sorrowful respects, Gothamites struggling to acclimate to the drastic change in temperature. On the Gotham News Network, gas leaks and lawsuits were reported, detailing the inhumane treatment landlords provide for the elderly; it was nothing new to the godless city, each sin managing to top another.

Jason was desensitized to it, too. He recalled his time in an apartment on the upper East side of Gotham, near Murphy Ave. - his biological father stumbled through the door, fury steaming from his lips in the scent of bourbon, as he picked which target to his unfathomable wrath; Jason’s mother sacrificed herself when Jason’s motor skills were still developing, and skull fusing together from his ripe birth; yet, when Jason began reading, gaining ideas that inspired him to do good, he stood before his mother, fists balled and chest puffed, a zeal of a thirty year-old in a nine year-old’s body.

His father was why Jason’s mother dipped her toes into medication - he injured her so severely, she visited the doctor, who abruptly prescribed her narcotics without questioning the source of her injuries, and sent her on her way. Each tablet was a sense of bliss to her, something she missed so dearly, it enveloped her in endless bliss when she re-experienced it, so she became erratic for more, bargaining with the local shadows to entice her, indulge her, give her what she needed.

And Jason was learning from this. He blinked his deer eyes as he saw his mother dive into the pill bottle face first, and how his father’s silhouette looked carved in chalk. I’m okay, he told his teachers when they noticed his missing assignments, or unexcused absences from school. I was just sick. I forgot.

Never could he step down from his position as son, mother, and father - he was all a nuclear family to himself, and couldn’t afford to jeopardize his position. With his father dead, he was man of the house at ten, and grew three sizes to accommodate; with his mother paralyzed by chemically-induced numbness and familiarity in the shape of ovular bliss, Jason adapted rapidly, cooking meals for himself and his mother. And without the income, he stole what he could; after being arrested a few times, he feared not his own record becoming tarnished with demerits, but the judicial attention being shifted to his mother, whom he dearly loved and missed, and instead sold his soul to the streets, begging to give whatever he could so he could feed his mother, care for his mother, rear his mother as she needed.

After that dreadful night, though, when he visited his friends after school instead of checking on his mother, he re-entered the apartment, dirtied and covered in neglect. The air was thick with news he believed he had the power to prevent, the poor boy, his last light of innocence taken from him with her final breath before she lay lifeless on the bathroom tile floor, becoming one with the grime and mildew that accumulated.

He shed no tears that night. He cradled her, listened to her in lament, but remained a soldier for the mother he wished he knew. Jason held her as he rocked her to sleep, hoping the embrace could restore her soul to eternal happiness in the afterlife. With her, a piece of his soul died, too, and his smiles were in vain, voice seeming a bit tainted with a poison others in his life couldn’t quite identify.

It was quite ironic that he loved the theatre tenderly, as he became an actor at a young age, playing the role of a century. He performed at Apollo Theater as Lady McBeth, his mourning in tow each day he spoke of his mother and her life, as if she wasn’t a ghost haunting his mind post-sunset. His tongue was burning and heart lonesome as he performed exquisitely, so well that even he was convinced that his mother would be at home, waiting upon his arrival.

One night, after escaping from the hands of his disparaging foster parents, Jason picked up his equipment used to steal - or boost, if you will - automotive parts for cash. He used the pieces as relics to restore value to himself, whether it be in form of wrinkled, used money, or bartering for shelter, transportation, or a favor; that night, however, proved to be different in many ways: the moon entered its final phase, the quarter presenting itself behind passing clouds, Jason’s best friend had been missing for days, only to have his body recovered from the lake that day (another day of grief for Jason, no doubt, although he was anesthetized to death).

Jason found an abnormally shaped vehicle in Crime Alley, and he snickered to himself when he approached the profile, it was…the Batmobile. He kneeled and began his workmanship, spinning the car jack to loosen the lug nuts. Before he could finish, though, a presence bestowed itself behind him, the Fool, and it was the caped crusader himself.

The following months were a quick haze for the pre-teen - the vigilante revealed his identity as Bruce Wayne, and Jason, although ecstatic to belong in a home once again, didn’t shake his misfortune, the baggage worn around his neck like a lagahoo. If it wasn’t in his days as anxiety attacks and hoarding, anticipating the next loss, then it was carried through in his subconscious, the most unsuspecting of all in forms of nightmares and shapeshifting creatures lurking with a liquor bottle and belt.

Screams and pleas entered the halls of Wayne Manor, carrying all the way to Bruce’s chambers, and sometimes, on the most unforgiving nights, into the Batcave. It brought heartbreak to the home, especially to Bruce’s butler, Alfred, who served Jason much closer than Bruce could. Although Jason’s older adoptive brother, Dick, was polite and respectful of Alfred, Jason saw Pennyworth eye-to-eye, restoring some youth into the mature man when Jason assisted him in the kitchen, or with chores, with such glee (and it was a delightful task for Jason to partake in! He longed for mundane tasks that other children took for granted, gruelled about, resented their parents for, and Jason smiled with each load of laundry completed, or dinner prepped with Alfred.).

“We must do something, Bruce.” Alfred begged Bruce with broken eyes. “Not that cloak.” he spoke vehemently, with such disgust that the man could ever dare coerce Jason back into danger, this time with less protection and a daring purpose.

Yet his concerns were dismissed by Bruce’s concoction of arrogance and stubbornness, a deadly duo that ultimately led Jason to his demise by the clown prince of crime. His lifeless body lay on the concrete, and Bruce was taken aback by the woeful fate of the boy, despite the stern admonishments made by his aid at home. He vowed never to risk another boy’s life after this, to allow Jason to rest after sixteen years of distress.

The truth unfolded after the detective unmasked details of his son’s death: the clown had tempted him with the unveiling of his mother’s existence, his true mother. The pictures the clown’s unhinged partner took, which were messily glued to Todd’s tombstone, left little to Bruce’s imagination: the torture his son endured at the hands of a criminal, the look of terror in the boy’s eyes in one photo, with a shadow of a man’s arm in the air, crowbar in hand…

It was the first time since Martha and Thomas’s deaths that Bruce wept, shoulders slumped as he hiccuped. The boy died in vain. For nothing. There was no rest for his tortured soul, no restitution, requisition for the last breaths laborly drawn.

And when Jason arose from the dead, vindication sharp on his tongue, and life stolen from his green eyes, it only instigated heavier burden on Bruce’s aching bones, remorse deep in his voice when he faced the revived Jason returning back to Wayne Manor, distraught from uncovering that shortly after his death, Bruce replaced him.

—

“So…you were Robin?” y/n asked.

Jason nodded sadly, face pointed at the starry sky. “Yeah.”

Silence cursed them again, the night drawn out from Jason’s confession. Y/n didn’t expect it to be this tragic, although she appreciated it quietly. “Do you miss her?”

The words caught Jason off guard. He was used to y/n’s surprising angle on conversations, scoping out a person differently than the status quo. No small talk, no pleasantries, just rawness. “I talked with Bruce’s shrink about it - he said she could help or some shit,” his face warped in disapproval. “But I don’t. I romanticized the idea of her, but to be honest, she chose drugs over me. It hurts sometimes to think about, but that’s that. It was easier for me to think of my dad as a piece of shit, because he basically hit me more than he talked to me.”

“Makes sense. Guys are often stupid pieces of shit. No offense.” y/n raised a hand.

Jason shrugged. “None taken, we’re sacks of fucks.” he scoffed at his own comment. “I still kinda resent Bruce for wanting me to be Robin, I mean…why did he think that was any bit okay to do?”

“Maybe because that was the only way he could handle grief?” y/n offered.

Propping himself on his arms, palms flat behind him, he breathed deeply. Y/n had a point, though: when Bruce introduced the idea to Dick, Dick felt the same type of grief Bruce had; however, when the mantle was passed to Jason, the mourning was different, if at all: both Bruce and Dick had someone to lose, whereas Jason hadn’t.

And it showed when Jason worked the role. He showed sympathy to petty criminals, sometimes aiding and abiding them, to Bruce’s disapprobation; his demeanor soured as intel regarding trafficking rings and abusers surfaced, knuckles bruised and teeth clenched as perpetrators’ blood spurted onto the Robin costume, tainting its bright colors into a deeper, richer tone.

It was worse when Bruce pushed Jason to attend the Wayne galas. The upper class flocked their wealth and acquitted crimes, which burned Jason’s ears as he heard someone’s misfortune reduced into a witty anecdote paired with hor d'oeuvres and sparkling champagne.

Jason knew of the children who were taken by the boogeymen and women in the dark. He knew of their lives and tales that were once short, stout, and sweet. The attendees spoke of their deaths apathetically, muttering insults under their breath as they attempted to justify their ill motives. Almost as if these were the boogeymen and women, simply dressed up in thousand-dollar gowns and heirlooms that cleverly disguised their sharp talons and venomous taste for the vulnerable, their souls containing all moral onus were snatched from their now-empty vessels. He argued with them at the galas about the children, urging them ferociously about their contributions, as if nobody dare exist outside of them.

How could they? A life so lavish, how could they know of any decision made out of self-preservation and greed rather than sympathy and the greater good? They were the one-percent, top of the socioeconomic chain, the bourgeoisie glaring down from their terrace views at the filthy proletariats below them - and while one could argue that the view from up high could be so grand that even the diamonds in the filth could be mistaken for fool’s gold, the wounded mistaken for the parasite that would consume the rich had they attempted to so much as inspect the streets, why would they then take measures to ensure their own safety, stuff more money into their pockets, knowing what they’ve seen?

The pasta salad Jason was poking at lost its flavor. A shame. “I know that Bruce couldn’t understand, but…Dick? I mean, you said he was Robin, too, right? And it wasn’t like he came from a wealthy background.” Y/n spoke between munches of lettuce that hung out of her mouth.

“Dick traveled a lot, and his family didn’t have a ton, but they were…a family.” Jason’s words were a sad string playing into the cemetery. 

It was the truth. Jason was a true reflection of the city in which he was raised: impoverished and tattered, the result of a godless, greedy, unfiltered city full of beasts whose sins remained unpunished, unanswered for. His heart pumped true - as that of Dick and Bruce - but in deep red, different than the blue blood that his adoptive elder brother and father carried in themselves; they could never understand him, really, their path vastly disparate than Jason’s living tragedy.

All y/n could think to do was kiss the man beside him, spilling his life before her atop the delectable array of desserts he prepared for her. She cupped his cheek with her hand and pulled him toward her, their lips clashing into a deep but slow kiss. As y/n’s lips moved to hold Jason’s, she felt a tear on her thumb, the one on Jason’s cheek, and she inched her body closer to his, to ensure that she wasn’t another chapter in his story, either.

She hadn’t disclosed her sobstory - the one filled with angst, betrayal, and the anguish of abuse and torment year after year from those closest to her; she was just as tired as he, and finally felt a bond, vulnerable with someone besides the weeping albums she listened to when her nightmares resurfaced.

When they broke their kiss, only the faintness of the ghosts from their graves divided Jason and y/n. They held their hands, fingers interlocked, as they stayed close. Y/n hummed when Jason wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and Jason smiled (for the first time in hours) when y/n reached up to kiss the white patch of his hair, now knowing its origin.

Instead of parting ways after their food finished, they laid down, hip to hip, and counted the stars as they relished in the caress of each other’s skin. It was the first time Jason saw y/n so disarmed, which was jarring compared to her all-plaid, studded outfit. He liked her anyway, a bit too much for his liking, afraid that he was diving too deep.

And before y/n drifted to sleep in Jason’s arms, she felt the same fear subside, until it quieted to nothing but a puny whisper.

—-

Jason’s administrative account was open on his laptop when he arrived back at his home, securing each lock before he removed his leather jacket and set down his biking helmet.

He glanced at a notification on his phone, which was from y/n. He was glad she wasn’t insecure and reached out to him first. The innocent grin on his face quickly turned amorous as he opened the notification, which brought him to a video y/n sent of herself. 

Naked.

Masturbating.

Determined, Jason shuffled to his armchair, unbuckling his jeans and wriggling his cock free from them as he sat and watched the video. Y/n ran a hand up and down her body suggestively, showing Jason what he was missing; then, after brief teasing, she opened her legs, sitting up as she revealed her wet cunt on full display for the camera. Jason’s cock twitched when he saw her swollen clit aching to be touched, and the thought of his head between her legs, thigh on either side of his shoulders, almost made Jason explode there.

Instead, he took the fuel and set up his webcam and account, enabling bluetooth on his phone and connecting his wireless headphones to privately hear y/n’s noises. He pressed a key on his laptop, beginning the livestream.

On one hand, he held the phone, the content away from the webcam’s view; his other hand stroked his cock, quickly, as he followed y/n’s every word.

“Put your cock in me, Jay.”

“Fuck! Yes, eat me out just like that.”

The phrases were too much for Jason to handle, who was moaning incoherently, fitting in garbled, “So hot” and “Gonna make you come.” His hand moved rapidly on his cock, and he was getting close, noises crescendoing. “Y/n, y/n, so good.”

It wasn’t until y/n exploded, dildo inside of her and fingers circling her clit, that Jason’s orgasm was ripped from him, his body tensing as he nearly screamed, eyes squeezing shut as he rocked his hips into his hand. “God, fuck.” he yelped, sucking a breath in as he felt his body tense up again after he thought his climax was over.

He had forgotten he was live. He didn’t know he said her name aloud in the dazed state. Nor did he know that he continued to say her name, over and over, as cum shot from his cock.

“I’ve been seeing someone. Hope none of you are jealous.” he admitted, blushing. “I’ll see you all later. Till then, take care.” he ended the livestream abruptly, finally taking a breath after logging out of his administrative account.

He closed his laptop and set it on the end table beside the wingchair, heading to the bathroom to shower and masturbate again to y/n.

[fandom-fuck-yourself]

What Hides In The Night Breakdown: Katsuki Bakugo

Lore:

Katsuki is a Pro-Hero (DynaMight)

Grieves through sex. (One night stands)

Eats Katsudon atleast twice a month as a bitter reminder for what he did.

Leaves All Might themed trinkets on Izuku’s grave every year since he disappeared.

Every Psychiatrist’s worst (but financially best) nightmare.

His friends (Baku Squad) basically force him to hang out once a month. No, literally, they’ll actually just bang on the door until he opens it. (Kiri eventually got a key made)

Spends his extra time modeling new Hero equipment for his parent’s business. (This gives them time to actually be around eachother during their busy schedules.) They also use this time to spend time as a family and have dinner or smthn idk yet. Of course Baku Squad uses this as a free ride to new support item prototypes. (His parents don’t mind, they’re just glad he made friends plus they’re S T A C K E D)

Minimalist due to OCD

Clean freak also bc OCD

Started smoking cigarettes occasionally (mainly on his work breaks when nobody’s around).

Has an extreme drinking problem (only on off days and yes, his friends are worried. This is what normally leads into his one night stands.)

Eventhough adults don’t respect his behavior and find him childish, he always makes a point to be kind to the kids mainly because of what happened to Izuku. (Signing autographs, promoting healthy mindsets and bonds, responding to fan mail, charity meetings at schools etc.)

Often takes on extra shifts for search and rescue as atonement for never finding Izuku.

Mental Health:

Anxiety (Needs to be the best)

Grief (Izu centric)

Attachment Disorder (only his therapist knows)

OCD (everyone knows)

Panic Disorder (only when he gets too into his head)

Sleeping Disorder (Insomnia)

Substance Abuse (Cigarettes but mainly Alcohol)

Sex Addiction (Maybe his heart will feel something that isn’t pain one day)

Extreme Anger (self explanatory because he needs constant validation but is also kinda narcissistic but not really because it’s more of an insecurity that stems from his mother’s treatment growing up)

Habits:

Always bathes before and after work (OCD but we stan a clean boi)

Only eats homemade foods (unless out with family/friends) bc “Eating out is lazy and expensive and tastes way better why I make it anyways!”

Cleans a lot even though he’s a minimalist bbc dust bothers him a lot.

Morning jogs on his off days (gotta stay nimble)

Very anal about keeping schedules (Calendars, note pads, letters, e-docs.)

One night stands atleast 3 times a month (fr someone help this lonely soul)

Takes his breaks on rooftops. (He enjoys being able to see the city without actually having to deal with the actual noise and hustle of the city. It also helps him calm his mind. Kinda reminds him that the city is way too big for a single person to handle it all. This is also the only time he can remember the good memories with Izuku)

[coochiequeens]

Update on a story I already posted about

By Anna Slatz February 5, 2024

The family at the center of a custody battle with Montana Child and Family Services over their 14-year-old “transgender” daughter is reportedly facing imminent arrest after speaking to media about their ordeal. Krista and Todd Kolstad had previously been ordered by a judge to remain silent on the case, but chose to speak out about their situation last week.

Reduxx was first to break the story after speaking to the Kolstads about their tragic situation on January 29. In the interview, the Kolstads revealed that their 14-year-old daughter, Jennifer*, had been removed from their custody after they declined to actively “affirm” her newfound gender identity. Montana Child and Family Services (CFS) argued to a court that it was in the child’s “therapeutic best interest” to have her gender identity “respected,” and a petition was presented for the child to be sent to a family member in Canada.

Stepmom Krista and “Jennifer” Kolstad. Photo Source: Provided.

The removal was the culmination of a months-long battle between the Kolstads and CFS which started on August 18, 2023, after Jennifer claimed to a friend that she was suicidal and suffering from terminal cancer. The friend reported the claims to police, who reached out to the Kolstads to confirm that Jennifer was alright.

Later on that evening, a CFS case worker arrived at the Kolstad home for an inspection and private interview with Jennifer, at which point the child declared she had drank toilet bowl cleaner and overdosed on pain medication.

Though she showed no symptoms of illness and had no access to either substances, Jennifer was taken to the hospital on an emergency basis for bloodwork, which conclusively determined she had fabricated her claim of overdosing. She also does not have a medical history of cancer despite having claimed to her friend that she was terminal.

The Kolstads attempted to inform CFS that Jennifer had a tendency of attention-seeking behavior and fabricating wild claims, but throughout the incident, Jennifer’s “gender identity” was the main point of contention. The child told CFS she identified as a “boy” named Leo, and that her parents were abusive and not willing to facilitate her gender transition.

Jennifer spent two days in the hospital for suicide monitoring, at which point the Kolstads agreed with CFS that she would benefit from being sent to a residential treatment facility for counseling. While there were a number of Montana-based facilities floated as options, the possibility of Jennifer being sent to Wyoming was also mentioned as an unlikely alternative.

The Kolstad family. Photo Source: Provided.

On August 22, the Kolstads were told that Jennifer was next in line for a bed in Billings. But, later on that same day, they received a call from the hospital informing them that she was instead being sent to an unnamed facility in Wyoming. Faced with a number of unanswered questions and a concern about Wyoming’s laws allowing children to transition, the Kolstads expressed a hesitancy to allow Jennifer to be sent across state lines.

Within 10 minutes of refusing to immediately sign paperwork releasing Jennifer to the facility, Montana Child and Family Services arrived at the Kolstad residence with police and served them with paperwork temporarily removing Jennifer from their custody.

Jennifer was eventually returned to Montana to enter a youth group home for additional counseling, but the Kolstad’s fight with CFS had only just begun.

Though initially told that Jennifer would be returned to their care after her time at the group home was finished, CFS petitioned the court to remove Jennifer from their custody completely and have her sent to her long-estranged biological mother in Canada.

“We were told that letting Jennifer transition and live as a boy was in her ‘therapeutic best interest’ and because we aren’t willing to follow that recommendation, the court gave CFS custody of Jennifer for six months,” Krista told Reduxx. “CFS is now going to place Jennifer in the care of her birth mother in Canada, who has never really been a part of her life. The judge said to us ‘you need to expect that reunification with your family may not be what you are expecting.’”

In response to the decision, the Kolstads released a video on social media pleading for help. The court demanded they remove it and issued a gag order restricting the Kolstads from speaking further on the case.

They voluntarily defied the order, re-uploaded the video, and spoke to press regardless out of concern over what was happening to their family. While a contempt of court hearing was set for January 29, the Kolstads had to file for a continuance in order to leave the state and attend to a severely ill family member in Ohio.

But the already-mind boggling story has only continued to grow in complexity after the Governor of Montana, Greg Gianforte, released a statement on X (formerly Twitter) siding with the decision of the state’s Child and Family Services.

While not directly accusing the Kolstads of abuse, Gianforte suggested that Jennifer was removed from the household for legitimate reasons.

While the CFS affidavit does extensively detail the child’s complaints of abuse for not being “affirmed” in her desire to live as a “boy,” the argument made by CFS that resulted in her being removed from her parent’s care was their hesitancy to immediately sign paperwork sending her to Wyoming.

Both the CFS affidavit and the accompanying report neglect to acknowledge that Jennifer had lied about having terminal cancer, drinking Clorox toilet cleaner, or overdosing on prescription medication — all statements that would lend weight to the parent’s initial warnings that Jennifer had a history of attention-seeking behavior.

The Montana Safety Assessment completed by CFS.

Previous accusations of household instability detailed in the CFS report from 2016 and 2017, both of which involved Todd’s ex-wife, were noted “unsubstantiated,” and there has never been any history of Todd nor Krista physically harming or otherwise neglecting any of their children’s care.

But despite the clear indications that the “abuse” in the Kolstad residence was limited to not affirming Jennifer’s “gender identity” and expressing a hesitancy to sign paperwork allowing Jennifer to go to Wyoming, a push to paint the Kolstad’s as legitimately abusive has begun in an apparent effort to justify CFS’s actions. Disturbingly, many of those pushes appear to originate directly from the Governor’s office.

Travis Hall, Governor Gianforte’s senior advisor, has shared two posts to his social media account in which it is implied that the Kolstads were severely abusing Jennifer.

In one post shared by Hall, a user claims that even children living in “absolute filth, meth labs, with both parents being dealers and addicts” were not taken away from their parents in the way Jennifer was, implying what was happening in the household was far worse.

Another post shared by Hall features a link to an article from TownHall reporter Stephen Brown which appears to have been created with the input of the Governor’s office. In the article, Brown refers to Jennifer with “they/them” pronouns, and runs defense for Gianforte’s suggestion that the Kolstads were abusing Jennifer and that CFS acted appropriately.

On X, an individual claiming to be a lawyer who works to “protect trans kids” in Montana has been spreading the false accusation that Todd Kolstad, Jennifer’s father, was “convicted” of domestic abuse. In actuality, documents reviewed by Reduxx demonstrate the charges, which were unrelated to Jennifer, were dropped in 2021. The Kolstads are currently engaged in a lawsuit against the Glasgow Police Department for their alleged mismanagement of that case, and the officer at the center of the suit is also being pursued by other Glasgow residents for similar acts of misconduct.

But while the Kolstads have experienced an outpouring of support on an international level after taking their story public, Governor Gianforte appears to be doubling down once again.

This time, the Kolstads have been made aware through their lawyer that they may be arrested when they return to Montana from Ohio where they are still caring for a sick relative.

“We were very concerned, but not surprised, to learn from a credible source that the Governor of Montana plans to arrest us the moment we step foot back in Montana. We are also told that he has tasked his senior adviser and director of strategic communications to use the media to punish us for speaking out about the state’s medical kidnapping of our daughter,” Krista Kolstad said to Reduxx in an exclusive statement.

“It was an abuse of power for the state to revoke custody of our daughter because we wouldn’t affirm her ‘gender identity.’ It is an abuse of power to use tax-dollars to smear us as negligent in the press despite records that prove we have always proactively sought care for our daughter’s ongoing, unrelated mental health issues. We have also followed medical recommendations pertaining to these issues since she has been in state custody. The only thing we ever objected to is ‘transitioning’ our daughter.”

Krista continued: “Any accusation that she was taken from our home due to abuse or neglect secondary to this issue is a bald-faced lie with political foundations. Our daughter is not a political pawn. She is a child and she should be with her family – not the state. We are never going to stop fighting for our daughter.”

Since receiving the news of their possible arrest, the Kolstads have no plan to return to Montana at this time.

Mattie Watkins, the family’s media representative reiterated Krista’s sentiments, and slammed Gianforte’s office for participating in the “smear” campaign against the Kolstads.

“We anticipated Governor Gianforte’s next move would be to smear US Air Force veteran, Todd Kolstad and his wife, Krista, as abusive parents. It’s clear that his top priority is his political reputation – not the child at the center of this increasingly political fight,” Watkins said.

“Surely to defame parents as abusive, to take away their child, requires some standard of evidence. If not, where does this stop? Which family, in which state, is next? In my opinion, Gianforte is giving state agents a manual on how to sever the parent-child relationship and bypass all levels of law and government in order to put any minor they like on the affirmation to lifelong medicalization pipeline. Our children are not safe in government care.”

*The child’s name has been changed at the request of her parents.

[muthaz-rapapa]

Losing not one but two children she's known for years.

Losing that young boy she contracted with not because he went crazy for power but because he did everything out of love for an innocent girl who was abused to the point that she was almost beyond saving.

It's too hard knowing how hopeless Momo must've felt about this plan, how much she must've hated its outcome yet couldn't do anything to go against it because one, if she actually did have control over the book she guarded, she would've been too powerful. That's why limiters have been put in place to prevent her from breaking the rules lest she wrecked the world for the sake of her own bias. Otherwise, Akiho and Kaito never would've gone through all that suffering in the first place because Momo wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

And two, because in the end, she had no choice to but to agree with Kaito that they were always going to put Akiho's safety before anything else. Akiho didn't have anything to defend herself from that artifact planted inside her. So the only method they could grab that was within their reach was to switch Akiho out and have someone take her place, eventually losing Kaito.

Then, Akiho wakes up with a whole new history inserted into her head, absolutely no clue about what they both did to preserve her life and enjoying a superficial "happy ending".

Akiho doesn't remember the precious bunny who's been with her since she was just a baby. She doesn't even remember there used to be a person she loved very much, more than anything in the world.

It's no wonder why Momo is not shown by Akiho's side despite there being nothing to stop her from doing so. She likely chose to stay by Kaito, not just to protect him while he's probably in a coma but also because she can't bear to look at Akiho who is only half her true self.

This is not her Akiho. This is not the Akiho that Momo knows. The Akiho who despite all the unfair treatment she received, still found the strength to overcome her pain and keep her pure heart and compassion.

This Akiho is just her surface personality but her real substance is hidden somewhere until the spell of this "happy ending" wears off.

So Momo has to wait, has to wait for all the fail-safes they put in place to activate. The ones that can finally lead Akiho to remember her true past, her love and the only person who can ever make her feel that way.

But there was no telling when that might happen. By the looks of it, weeks have already passed since the Exchange was carried out. Maybe even one or two months by the time Record played this message Momo left in that room. So there's a possibility it could've taken even longer if they weren't so lucky that Sakura managed to talk with Lilie in a dream and sensed the remains of the leftover card shortly afterwards.

Still, this is the only time Momo is shown post-Exchange and it isn't even her real self. It's a recording of her and she still doesn't show up after its playback is done.

She is still patiently, loyally, waiting by Kaito''s side somewhere. She will not go to Akiho, she's waiting for Akiho to come to them. No matter how long it takes or how painful it is to wait for that day to come, Momo chose to believe in Akiho. That Akiho will eventually go to reclaim her true self.

Honestly, it goes without saying that this "happy ending" was never going to last either. The clues (including Kaito's pocket watch) that got left behind and the discrepancies (like the pain in Akiho's heart when she felt like there was something missing, that essentially being her muscle memory that wasn't affected by the rewrite) would have triggered its undoing.

It's been proven before that spells can be broken (Kaito's silencing spell, the two "Alice"s remembering who they really are in Clockland) so this is just another case of that.

Moreover, narratively, this "ending" is very incomplete and leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Because even though everybody and their dog can attest with confidence that Akiho will never be mistreated in the Kinomoto household, the care she's receiving is based more on principle than anything. A principle that is based on the rewrite of their actual memories.

It's akin to showing warm hospitality to a guest and less like true familial love that runs deeper.

Akiho deserves that. Not this façade where she's constantly being viewed as part of a twin set with another person. She deserves to be acknowledged as her own separate individual.

After all she's been through, she should be with people who not only know and accept her entire past but truly comprehend from a similar place how hard it was for her to survive it. People who will know the right words to say specifically to her, who understand how hard it's always going to be for her to remember...but something she's never going to forget because those scars are a part of her. Her sorrow, loneliness, all those darker sides that also make her who she is today.

Nobody else but Kaito and Momo know that Akiho.

And that's why she can never be happy with just "being happy", just being safe with half herself.

No one can be complete by denying the less than perfect aspects of themselves.

You must embrace every part of you to know how whole you really are.

That said, I can understand why Kaito went as far as he did.

With what few ways there were available for him to make use in his situation, too.

It would've been enough to switch his watch for the artifact and then put Akiho in a non-magical family. It didn't have to be the Kinomoto family. He didn't have to alter everyone's memories to make them believe Akiho was born as Sakura's twin.

Another kind family would've been just a good as long as they could provide Akiho with a normal life.

But as spells can break under any circumstances, he wasn't willing to risk that chance of Akiho being in danger again, especially when he wasn't going to be there to protect her.

Should the rewrite become undone somehow, Akiho's clan and the Association will remember who it really was they planted the artifact in and come after Akiho to reclaim her. Possibly even retry the experiment again on her since they failed the first time because Kaito foiled their plans.

That's why he installed her in the Kinomoto house where there would be sufficient protection should that occur. Where there was at least one person (Sakura) who was capable and willing to defend Akiho no matter what.

Nothing about his plan was ever impulsive. Impulsive does not include forethought. Impulsive is acting on the spur of the moment, on reckless behavior or emotions that overtake logical thinking.

Everything he did, he did it meticulously so that there would be no weak spots where Akiho's safety was concerned.

Nobody else could've accomplished this task but him.

Taking Akiho under his protection to escape from a society that sees them as nothing more than tools. Needing to constantly fend off attacks from those magicians, always having guns aimed at his back while on the run. Having to hide all these terrible truths from Akiho for years so that she could grow up in comfort and security and learn to smile without worrying.

Throwing a giant net and luring a young and powerful yet dangerously untrained magician into his trap despite being outnumbered by her group, despite his health rapidly failing him the more he used time magic, and STILL managing to outsmart every single one of them and succeed in his goal.

All for the sake of saving Akiho who means more to him than anything, including his very own existence.

Nobody loves her more than he does so nobody would've been able to go as far as he did for her either. Nobody could've given their everything for her like he did.

That is why only Kaito could ever save Akiho.

[samiprasad]

❝ WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES THE WAVES GET HIGHER

            AND THE FLAMES GET HOTTER ❞

STATS:

Name: Samantha Prasad

Age: 40

Face Claim: Hannah Simone

Occupation: artist/painter & forger

Neighborhood: Deer Park

Gender & Preferred Pronouns: Cis female & she/her

BIOGRAPHY:

trigger warnings: alcohol/drug/substance abuse, plane crash, death, mental health treatment

An English woman and an Indian man met on vacation in Turkey and the rest, as they say, is history. They'd fallen in love rather quickly and decided they wanted to build a life together. Their relationship had been long distance at first then Samantha's father moved to South London so that they could be together.

Only a year after her father's big move they had gotten married and were talking of children. Before Sami could be conceived and born her father had received an amazing job offer in San Antonio, Texas and her parents had moved out to the United States for the opportunity. It was where she would be born and raised without any siblings, but she was a sweet girl and would make friends easily.

At the age of 5 Sami forged a bond with the boy that had moved in next door and it was a friendship that would endure through the tests of time, distance, and adversity. They'd had their own language as kids, supported each other through the highs and lows, and never let a week go by where they didn't talk. When he'd come out to her as bisexual, it had given her the strength to do the same. No one knows more about her than Antonio does.

It was discovered early on that Sami had a talent with artistry, she had a hand for painting and without ever taking an art class, her gift completely natural, she'd sold a few paintings as a teenager and also managed to get some of her work displayed. With her father being more of a stricter type, he pushed academics much more than where Sami could possibly go with her art. So she attended Rice University and studied data science to please her father.

What she absolutely couldn't agree to in making her father happy was marry a man that he had set up and arranged for her post graduation from university. In what felt like her only option Sami ran away. For a while she traveled around Europe and got a better view of the world. It was also a time where she could explore her art once again and do so freely.

With her paintings selling and having showings in big galleries in museums, Sami began to really make a name for herself in the art world. So good in fact there were things she was capable of that not many people were, and by the influence of people she likely shouldn't have let into her life Sami began a side business of forgeries.

Somewhere around the age of 30 Samantha had found her way to Blue Harbor, mostly because a small town was a good place to keep a low profile, but the town had also felt familiar to her given all the good things Antonio had always said about it. From the few times she'd visited it seemed like a good place to call home and home aka Texas wasn't some place she could go back to. Not to her parents anyway.

There was a lot of frustration with them, her parents, because there were too many things about her life and the way she lived that they had found to be wrong. She drank, dabbled in drugs, dated and slept with women, had some tattoos, and still had no plans to settle down and into a life her dad had wanted for her. The distance and the constant disagreements would end up being something Sami would regret, leaving her to wish she'd been softer and more understanding with them.

They'd passed away when she was 35. On their way to a vacation for their anniversary, their plane went down in the ocean before they could make it to their destination. Sami really had no other family than her parents and the sudden loss really destroyed her. The meltdown she'd had sent her to the hospital where she had to get treatment for a while. To this day she battles with her mental health and struggles with the loss.

A couple of years after losing her parents Sami got wrapped in the wrong things and ended up married in Vegas. Very cliche and very embarrassing for her. Especially since they hadn't been able to get the marriage annulled. She and her newfound spouse had decided to give it the ol' try but in the end they ended up being a controlling, abusive asshole that only further harmed a sensitive balance with Sami's mental health. The divorce was drug out for a full year but she'd finally gotten her freedom.

Life is painting, doting on her cats, perfecting that screenplay she'd likely never do anything with, and secretly indulging in things that aren't great for her.