#subsystem host

[the-silent-fellowship]

Subsystem Host Role Flag

[PT: Subsystem Host Role Flag]

Again me just filling in spots for things I don’t see. The colors of this flags where picked from the Subsystem(link) flag.

[ID: None yet]

[Tagging] @radiomogai, @pluralitywords, and @pluralterms

[Reposting on] @blood-moon-night-coining

[ijustwannamakeemojis]

[ID: Six pixel hearts of various system role flags in order being Comforter, Nummica, Subsystem Host, Urge Holder, Therapist, and Sleeper/Sleep Alter. End ID]

[sysboxes]

[Text: This alter is the co-host of a subsystem.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[cynicalundead]

venom-esque

+ how it feels to be a subsystem

[polyfragcultureis]

polyfrag culture is the host finding out they're part of a subsystem and going ohhh. that explains so much

[vagrantclown]

So rarely do we ever reach out to tumblr systems but MAN I gotta ask do any of y’all not have a host either bc the more fragmentation we discover the less of a host we have

(Host was actually like 6 alters in a trench coat which is objectively hilarious)

[blitz0hno]

I WILL NEVER HAVE THE LIFE OF A CIS MAN

I WILL NEVER HAVE THE LIFE OF A SINGLET

THE MORE I ACT LIKE I CAN THE MORE MISERABLE I WILL BE!!!!!!

[straydogged]

other alters are jealous of my ability to go with the flow and be chill about things but do they. do they not understand that a) it's all a lie and I am a highly sensitive and anxious neurotic mess beneath the veneer and b) that's. my job. that's literally my fucking role in the system and it's HARD. it's a constant effort to maintain and it's fucking draining to keep face when my nervous system is trying to claw its way out of my body.

[cdid-pf-culture-is]

cdid culture is never relating to other systems about hosts being egocentric/solipsistic/however you wanna say it, cause your "host" is himself 6 different people

sidenote but as an anarchist i just realized how fitting it is we have a rotating, egalitarian council for host

.

[voids-cave]

they/them not as is enby but because i am literally 3 motherfuckers

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

(Gods, this post got long, and a lot more in-depth than I expected. Proceed with caution if you decide to read about the mess of religious brainwashing I went through. It's really horrible and I do mention violence. If it's not something you think you can read without triggering yourself, please move on to some other post. Maybe spend some time on my cat sideblog, listed on my pinned post. Hell, even if you do read this whole thing, you might still want to visit it, or one of the others also listed.)

We all have programming and baggage to deal with. And sometimes we go all too willingly for the self-flagellation (physical or mental), like we were taught. I decided, after the fusions almost all fell apart, to enter what was essentially solitary confinement. The only part attending to my isolation from the others was Era.

We were kinda like two peas in a pod, even though we were also always in separate subsystems. Era was corrupted extremely fast because he had the misfortune of getting paired to the version of the antichrist in our mind. I was paired to Pandemonum as it's demon. And it was the closest to Galaco, which I frequently took advantage of. But it took time for others to realize what I was doing. Then after foster care, it got easier to whisper provocation to it simply because Nanny didn't have a whole congregation to help control us. I tugged on Pandemonum's strings like a marionette. His anger was easy to manipulate.

Other than that, I personally did a lot of terrible things to other parts early on. I was awful to just about everyone, and one of the absolute worst. Hell, even Era wasn't immune to my abuse. Granted, he learned to be cruel right back, and then somehow we learned to enjoy the mutual torment.

But then the part that eventually named herself Caelienn found a way to balance Era somewhat and get him to behave mostly again. And he found me, before Ash sealed Pandemonum, but also after I'd already done enough to corrupt it. I was put in isolation, but Era kept coming back to keep me company and work me into being a decent part to live with. Every time, he was clear he was trying to use the kinds of methods Caelienn did.

Only some early parts picked up actual names of demons. And more often than not, they were named from male demons. Other non-biblical names only actually came later. But there were too many demons, according to them, to name them all. I got stuck being called Mammon, of all fucking things. Of course I wanted a new name. Era kept trying to offer me different names as options, but I never really liked most of them at all.

There was a certain point in middle school where everything from our original conflicts was forcibly cut off from the majority of the system. And then we just forgot it all. I finally picked a name, but I still didn't mean to get attached to it. It was intended to be at most a placeholder for something ‘better’.

Over time, I did get to know and bond with some other parts. I remembered Caelienn from the little I remembered of his (she's bigender and I want to use both his preferred pronouns) impact on Era. She just totally accepted me, then Jaden (now fused into Maple) and Garnet decided to treat me as their son. Basically adopting me.

I couldn't remember the bulk of childhood except as a vague feeling of shame, though. I still felt undeserving of actual kindness. The instinct to take and do what I wanted, and screw how it affected anyone else, was still buzzing in the background. Some things got better when we started deconstructing the most obvious aspects of our indoctrination, but it couldn't fix it all. Especially not since we tripped into some of the New Age bullshit for a few years. That was a weird time, but at least we learned not to believe everything we'd been taught about various kinds of spirits.

So we never really got to the core of why we were all so fucked up to begin with. It was all locked away from any alters who might ever front. Only the holy side, and maybe a couple of the highest authorities on this side plus Ash, could access any of that information. Us demons were simply on another layer of this side. Of course we were. We were just as affected by the lockout, a borderline reset on everything internally.

I literally don't know what to do yet. When that--whatever the hell happened with Joshua--all those old, buried feelings and urges just flooded right back into my awareness. It was hard to stay aware of the progress everyone had actually made. It was hard to retain my bit of progress.

And when Era pulled me out of my isolation, I did lose control of myself. I was...loose, and I felt a need for violence. For whatever reason, he just let me act out against him and do as I damn well pleased. Then I think I lost all my ability to think for a while when Galaco took me, because what??? As far as I could remember, Galaco was always the scared little tattletale. I didn't know it also felt those same cravings.

At least I guess we're doing well processing the way we were treated as evil. Era seems to confess that he always felt like they treated us like we actually killed someone, or were about to. We physically hurt others, yes. This is true. It's very possible we hurt someone else about our age pretty badly. We probably would have been diagnosed with some kind of conduct disorder, if they believed in psychology (they didn't, big fucking shock).

But who the fuck in reality taught us to in the first place? Yeah, it was entirely them. The fucking assholes who were taking part in what I see as a state-sanctioned kidnapping. They showed us real life violence. We can remember often reenacting parts of the bible in the little girl's bible study group. We imagine that we picked up more violence there than just a little bit. But for us, it was compounded by their inherent sexism. Girls were not supposed to be violent, which only made us even more reactive and angry.

I'm too exhausted to care about our old conflicts. I've got shit to own up to and atone for, but that's another matter altogether. At least no one else really wants to fight anymore, either.

-Kite 🪆😺

[the-flower-garden-collective]

don’t you just love it (/s) when you try to draw one of your headmates and realize that their personality isn’t consistent and that they have a subsystem that you now have to figure out the members of

[cynicalundead]

.. so our host is a subsystem

that's a centrifuge btw it seperates mixtures with gravitational force

[shatterspace-subsys]

I think Thorn has been working on something for our blog which is good and surprising considering I figured it was mainly going to be Prism and I posting. I don’t quite know what she’s planning but it involves flowers or something. -🧬

[alter-culture-is]

Introject, trauma holder, symptom holder, subsystem, AND Host culture is being one of the most unstable alters in the system but the brain decided I'm host so I guess fuck me, huh?

.

[klug]

I feel like by the time I finish devving deihexis verity& will be a system of like 6 different alters