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rrxnjun · 1 year

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potential • z. chenle

pairing. zhong chenle x fem! reader genre. rich kids au, childhood friends au, friends with benefits au. angst, fluff, suggestive. word count. 20k (20.079) warnings. alcohol consumption, swearing, mentions of sexual activity, sexual innuendos, a heavy make out session or two, use of lyrics from ariana grande and sarah close and masking them as my own words a/n. why do we call it a rich kid chenle au when he's a rich kid irl. anyways for the fact that this was one of the most spontaneous fics ive ever written it sure did take a lot of time to execute. took a lot of inspo for the lifestyle from the sky castle kdrama so if its not accurate dont @ me bc ive never been rich LMAO

playlist. in my head – ariana grande ; successful – ariana grande ; nonsense – sabrina carpenter ; supermodel – måneskin ; that's what i like – bruno mars

You saw his potential without seeing credentials. And maybe that's the issue.

August 28, 2020 – somewhere in the Bali sea, 1:27 AM

The music is loud. The weather is humid.

Wrapping up the summer before your senior year, dancing around in the bar of the cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, one last stop before your 28-day cruise around Southeast Asia is over, the loud music from the bar rings in your ears as you dance around, a glass of expensive Mendis coconut Brandy swirling in your hold. The taste of the alcohol on your tongue burns, not quite used to the burning sensation in your mouth– this is one of the first times you’re drinking, since your parents were always big on prestige and acting classy. Your parents went to sleep, though– excited to explore Benoa tomorrow, to immerse themselves in nature and explore Bali’s temples and heritage. You, on the other hand, took this as an opportunity to party– accompanied by none other than your parents’ friend’s son, who grew into the position of your childhood best friend solely because his and your family have always been close, choosing to spend vacations together; a relationship that was mostly fueled by the immediate closeness of you two during the summer breaks and ski trips to Swiss Alps every January.

And while you’re no stranger to pearls, charity events in your parents’ mansion in Hong Kong, golf courses in Miami and fashion shows in Milan, growing up in the world of designer bags and prestigious titles, you feel quite stranded in the middle of the sweaty teenagers, all of them with the same social status as you, drinking expensive alcohol and swinging your hips to the EDM music playing through the speakers. It almost feels like this is the first time you’re able to enjoy yourself without anyone’s supervision, screaming at the top of your lungs into Zhong Chenle’s face as he laughs at you on the dance floor, and truth be told, you could care less about the pictures you’re going to take for your Instagram tomorrow, showing everyone just how good you’re doing and how much fun you’re having on your lengthy cruises around the continent, because somehow, even though the bar is clothed in gold and you feel a bit like in The great Gatsby, this feels like the least pressuring part of the whole trip.

“We should go to parties more often!” you scream into Chenle’s ear, taking a sip of your Brandy as you twirl yourself around him, the straps of your sparkly spaghetti-strap tiny top falling off your shoulders in a moment of carelessness, your thoughts somewhere completely else. You may be 19 years old and insanely wealthy, but that still doesn’t mean you are experienced in the art of partying– quite the opposite, actually, having to always seem cultivated and presenting yourself in a way that would suggest that your family is high on prestige and recognition– so to finally be surrounded by people your age, dancing along to the music and jumping up as you all chant the lyrics to Barbie girl by Aqua (how ironic) feels quite ecstatic.

“Like our parents would let us,” Chenle rolls his eyes, lips almost pressed against the shell of your ear as he makes sure to get close enough for you to hear him.

Sighing at his argument– knowing he’s absolutely right, but also hating the fact that he had to ruin your mood by stating it out loud– you shake your head as you down the last bits of your drink, putting the heavy glass onto the tray of a waiter that’s passing by to gather the rest of the empty ones scattered across the shiny tables in the corner of the room. Your brain is starting to get a little fuzzy and you can’t help the giggling escaping out of your throat whenever your eyes meet Chenle’s, the flush on the boy’s cheeks hinting at the fact that he’s not any better at handling his alcohol than you, having just as much experience in heavy drinking and partying as you do.

You’re only 19 years old and you don’t know a lot about the world. After all, you were brought up in a family that always did everything for you– you never had to move a single finger. You never even had to clean your room, because your parents had people that would come by every morning while you were in school, just so you could arrive home to a tidy place when you were done with your lectures. You went to a private school, so you were always surrounded by people with a status similar to yours. You spoke about your tutoring classes that cost more than groceries for a middle-class family a week, you talked about your trips abroad, and if you had time, you even went shopping with your classmates after school before your driver picked you up and drove you back into the suburbs; your neighborhood guarded by a gate, the asphalt behind it so much smoother than it is in the rest of the town.

You never got to experience partying like this– only gaping with an open mouth when you saw those scenes in the movies you watched on Netflix in your own private movie room. And if you’re being totally honest, you never imagined enjoying such a thing. You never had the experience, so you didn’t really yearn for it, but now that you’re here, surrounded by loud music, experiencing the weird emotional feeling that comes with being in a crowd screaming in joy at the same time first-hand on your own skin, you don’t think you’ll be able to go back to how you were before.

This is not how rich kids party. At least not when their parents are around.

“You’re gonna be hungover tomorrow morning,” Chenle mutters into your ear when your eyes light up at the sight of more alcohol, contemplating on getting another drink, just because.

“And you’re not?” you tease him, pointing to his glossy eyes and lazy walk, his legs tangling with each other every few seconds from the haze he’s been put in just by having a few drinks. The sight is quite funny– the ever-so composed millionaire son is now a troubled mess in your eyes; one wrong step and he could ruin the image his family has spent years to build up, but it doesn’t seem like either of you care, tripping over your feet and lounging at each other in the middle of the dance floor.

Feeling like you’re playing a dangerous game, hanging off his neck and swaying your hips to the rhythmic beat, you gape into his blown-out eyes and desperately try to get your brain straight. The more you drank and the more you spent time in Chenle’s close proximity, the less you were able to control your emotions and the weird thoughts in your brain that have been slowly eating up all your notions for quite some time now. Gaping at his plump lips and feeling his palms burning at your hips, his fingers ever-so-slightly hovering above the curve of your ass, you’re finding it hard to concentrate on the music or on the words spilling off his tongue, his voice never shutting up even in the loud bar. You always told him he talks too much, but he doesn’t seem to mind– he seems to actually take much pride in his annoying tendencies, talking your ear off on multiple occasions even when you tell him he should probably stay quiet for at least a minute, so your brain could recharge.

Truth be told, you listen to him most of the time anyway. He always talks and you always listen, rolling your eyes at the snarky parts and giggling at the jokes; so the fact that you suddenly can’t focus and just desperately want him to shut the fuck up must be the effect of all the alcohol you’ve been drinking tonight.

And your next step might as well be the main consequence of the coconut Brandy as well– because even though you’ve been dreaming of his plump lips on yours for quite some time now, you’ve never actually dared to act up on the desire. But your intention to make him go quiet seems to be working when the train of words stammering out of his mouth is cut off, a surprised noise trailing out of his throat when you kiss him on the dance floor; and to your surprise, he doesn’t seem to mind your weird sign of protest to his endless talking– quite the opposite, really, as he lets you take the lead and taste the mix of alcohol in the Long Island cocktails he’s been drinking the whole night off his tongue, your hands mindlessly trailing up to thread themselves into his hair.

This is not your first time kissing a boy– you once pecked Song Eunseok on the lips when the two of you sneaked out of class one day in 9th grade– but you never once kissed anyone with such passion and desire before. You’re not sure where you got all the courage from and you’re also not sure where you learned all of this– but it must be working, with how heavily Chenle’s breathing when you finally let go of his lips and he rests his forehead against yours. In no time, he’s chasing you down again, drunk not only on the alcohol now as he tilts his head to get closer, one hand resting on the side of your neck, just a few inches below your jaw, keeping you in place.

“You should learn how to shut up,” you mumble against his lips, breathing heavy as you break away from him again and open your eyes to meet your gaze with his. The music is still loud in your ears, but you swear you hear a static noise somewhere in your brain, a tingle in your fingertips making you feel like you’re about to have an out-of-body experience. Your drunken brain is not allowing you to ponder about your actions that much, not letting you think and contemplate the fact that you just made out with your childhood best friend on one of the most expensive cruise ships, drinking alcohol you weren’t supposed to spend so much money on, and maybe that’s a good thing– because there’s nothing stopping you in having the time of your life, no overthinking making you doubt your next steps and no feeling of shame or regret making the whole experience bitter as you dance pressed against your companion, letting him press short, yet daring kisses to your lips as time passes.

“I think I’m good,” he snickers, when the music suddenly cuts out, an announcer telling you that the bar closes at 2 AM and that this song is the last for the night.

Sighing in disappointment– because who even knows when the next time you’ll have this opportunity will come– you let Chenle lead you out of the bar, his hand glued around your exposed waist. Your walk is a little loop-sided and you two almost smash into the glass door (doesn’t matter that it’s automatic and it quite literally opened in front of your figures). Soon enough, you’re met with the golden interior of the cruise walls again, the design a little vintage, yet still luxurious, reminding you of the movie Titanic. Tripping over the doorsteps, hands getting caught on the red, velvety curtains hung around, you giggle at every word that comes out of Chenle’s mouth, bodies slowly, but surely getting closer and closer to your suite bedrooms. You’re quite sure your parents could hear you talking outside in the hall, but you choose to not ponder on what they would think of you if they saw you in this state too much, instead making yourself believe that they’re long asleep and won’t be woken up by your voices resonating through the quiet space.

“So I guess this is where we say goodnight?” you mumble, hanging off Chenle’s neck. His breath smells of the vodka-tequila mix when he hovers over you, bodies off-balance pressed against the cold wall just outside of your bedroom. Flashing you a grin, face looking close to a cheshire cat, he nudges your nose with his, a quiet hum landing to your ear, not heard by anyone.

“Or we could stay up a little longer.”

Squirming under his touch, his lips softly, yet still a little uncoordinatedly landing on yours, you waste no time in unlocking the door to your room– even though you have a bit of trouble with finding the key in your small purse, even surprised you haven’t lost the bag somewhere in the middle of the night– letting your childhood friend in to your space at the suggestion, your clothed bodies falling to the soft cushions of the water bed.

You’re only 19 and don’t know much about the world when you messily undress yourself under your friend’s eyes, blinded by the glints in his deep chocolate orbs when he looks at you from above and attacks your neck with kisses. And you usually don’t regret much, considering yourself a responsible individual, always rethinking everything and making sure it’s the right choice, but when you look back at this day now, you don’t really know if sleeping with Zhong Chenle on a cruise around Southeast Asia was the brightest idea of yours, considering the mental turmoil it’s gonna cause you on the way.

Well, at least you can say you lost your virginity somewhere in the middle of the Bali sea, and at least that’s something to boost your ego with, am I right…?

July 12, 2007 – Tokyo DisneySea, 2:21 PM

If anyone asked you for your favorite childhood memory, you wouldn’t have a hard time picking one. Sure, one would think you have too many pleasant memories to choose from, so realistically, you should take more time to pick and weigh the value of each one, contemplating if the trip to Rome was a happier memory than the summer you spent in Los Angeles when you were 10, but you are 100%, completely in tune with the fact that if anyone ever asked you this very question, the words falling off their tongue with interest and enthusiasm, no judgment and no hidden intentions behind their question, you’d have an answer ready with a smile on your face.

You don’t hold much emotion to your past memories. You’ve been on more vacations than you can both count and remember growing up, and so even though you do think the pictures you took in Italy came out good and your skin glistens prettily in the warm sun, even though you do think you experienced a lot of fun while going to the Target for the first time with your nanny– the woman your mum hired just because your parents were too busy with their business meetings the whole time you walked the streets of Los Angeles with the new woman you were supposed to trust with your life at the ripe age of 10– you wouldn’t say any of those memories are as close to your heart as the trip you took to Japan with the Zhong family when you were 6, the summer before attending first grade.

This was the year you and Chenle watched the Pirates of the Caribbean together for the first time, and even though it wasn’t in the initial plan, you two spent hours and hours and hours of the flight persuading your parents to take you to Tokyo Disneyland, because you heard from his cousin Yizhuo that you could meet Jack Sparrow if you went. While your plan didn’t exactly work and the two of you didn’t get to go to the large theme park– because your parents were busy, mostly traveling because of business and so they didn’t have the time to arrange it, the amount of sulking you two did when you arrived to the rented house in the expensive part of Tokyo to the teenager that was supposed to watch you two for the time being was enough for him to take you two on a short train ride to the twin of the famous theme park– the Tokyo DisneySea.

The 15-minute train ride you three took to the theme park was your first, and also last time you ever rode such a mean of transport. All you were used to were expensive sports cars and limousines– you never imagined that people took such transport even every single day, at times. You and Chenle were so immersed in the journey that it was hard for your babysitter to get you out of the train, your small, excited bodies almost tripping over your own little feet as the raven-haired boy dragged you through the streets of Maihama station.

You could see the towers of the park and you could smell the salt from the sea even from a distance. The whole atmosphere felt magical, giggles often erupting out of your throat as Yuta– the boy your parents hired to watch over you for the day– bought a bubble blower from one of the stands and blew out bubbles you two chased around and tried to pop before they got to the ground. There were no expensive cars in sight, no people dressed in suits and designer shoes– well, except from the two of you, but you couldn’t quite grasp the idea of how much your attire cost at that age yet– and you felt truly, insanely happy. The adults that always watched you when your parents went to business meetings were stern and serious, never letting you have much fun, but today was different, and you find yourself wondering why your parents even let you be babysat by a reckless teenager in the first place. He was 16 at the time– 10 years older than the both of you– and when you look back at the day now, you think it was the time pressure that brought your parents into hiring him. You bet they paid him a lot of money, hell, you bet they even lended him a credit card he could use to entertain you two for the whole afternoon, and even though you found him using it a few times, you didn’t think he spent just as much as all your previous babysitters did.

Not that you knew the value of money back then, after all. Maybe the fact that you couldn’t tell how much money everything was worth back then is what truly made the whole day so carefree and happy for you.

You were children of wealthy Chinese business owners. You always had everything they saw in your eyes– you didn’t even have to say it out loud and it was held up to you on a silver platter. This day, though, you didn’t even have to use that much money– if you truly compare it to other vacations your families have been to– and you can’t help but think it’s ironic how despite this fact, this day is still your favorite childhood memory.

The Tokyo DisneySea was catered to a more mature audience– even serving alcohol in the premises, a thing no other Disneyland does– but even though you were just 6 and couldn’t drink and there was no Jack Sparrow waiting for you in the streets of the theme park, you and Chenle had a blast. Maybe it was a good decision on Yuta’s part to take you to the DisneySea instead; it catered to your Pirates of the Caribbean needs perfectly despite it not being the initial theme. The ships and wooden coasts and harbors were enough for your imagination to create stories about pirates in your head, the three of you attending various rides and screaming at the top of your lungs together over the course of the afternoon.

“Wanna go to the Tower of Terror?” Yuta asked you, his toothy grin on full display as he dragged you two to the scary ride when you finally got to the American Waterfront.

The teenager was wearing a black muscle top with L’arc en ciel written on it– you found out only a few years later that it was a japanese rock band– and with his long, black hair falling to his forehead, he looked just like the person that would enjoy scary rides and horror movies. You, however– you weren’t prepared to get scared by green ghosts and eerie music. Not at 6 years old anyways, although you doubt you’d do better on this day.

If there’s one thing you need to know about Zhong Chenle, it’s the fact that he’s a lover of horror. And Korean dramas. But mostly horror– a few years later, when you were both the age Nakamoto Yuta was when he brought you to the Tokyo DisneySea, your friend came to a Halloween party dressed like the clown from IT and managed to jump-scare you every moment he physically got. There was no surprise in the small boy liking the idea of attending the scary ride, and no matter how hard you tried and protested, there was no use in you saying no. Because the two of them wanted to go, and you, quoting Yuta, ‘couldn’t just stay alone outside’, so you were pretty much forced into the darkness of the Tower of Terror, your small body pressed against Chenle and Yuta’s– you refused to sit anywhere but sandwiched between the two in the middle of the cart– shutting your eyes close when the scary music started playing and you could feel the anxiety forming in the pit of your stomach.

You trembled the whole time, panic resting in your beating heart, and somewhere along the way, you found yourself clinging to Chenle’s small hand, squishing it so hard he screamed at you in the dim lightning of the ride. You didn’t let go, though– that’s what he gets for dragging you along– fracturing his bones wasn’t in your concerns, if it made you feel more secure and safe.

The fond memory of the day ends with the moment the scary ride is over and you finally get out of the darkness– with Yuta having to carry your out of terror half-paralyzed body from the cart. To this day, you still don’t have a clear outlook on why this day is your favorite childhood memory, but you think it might be the mix of Chenle’s excited laughter as he scared you every two seconds after the ride, the apologetic hug he enveloped you in after you almost burst to tears the third time, the taste of the sausage Yuta bought you two for dinner, the taxi ride to the rented house you had to take in a rush before your parents got back from their business meeting, and the melodic voice of your best friend when he sang you the opening theme to the Pirates of the Caribbean before you two fell asleep on the same bed in your hotel room.

Either way, despite the terror, you don’t think you’ve ever had this much fun ever again.

When you peed the bed that night, your parents decided to never hire a teenager to look after the two of you again. From that moment alone, there was less horror, but also less fun.

May 5, 2019 – tennis courts in Jinqiao, Shanghai, 4:17 PM

One would think that growing up with Zhong Chenle would put him into a position of your almost-brother. And while you did agree with the statement on most days– like when he laughed so hard that snot came out of his nose and almost fell into your lunch plate when you were 15, or when he shot you with his paintball gun so hard you had a bruise on your knee for three weeks when you were 17– you think you’re starting to slowly outgrow this phase.

Zhong Chenle is no longer a brotherly figure to you when you two pick up tennis at the ripe age of 18.

It wasn’t either of your ideas, of course. Tennis is not a sport a teenager just suddenly picks up one day because they’re interested– at least not when you’re incredibly wealthy and can pretty much afford any other hobby in the entire world. No, it was the idea of Chenle’s mother– because, quoting, ‘the kids barely go out these days, they might as well pick up a sport!’ – and with the copycat tendencies of your dear mum, you were dragged along into it as well. And so now, during the finals season, on top of that, you two have to go play tennis on one of the private tennis courts your families rent for three hours a day every Friday afternoon instead of studying or focusing on getting your stress out of your body doing other, much more enjoyable things.

“You know, you look a little too excited for someone who hates playing tennis,” Renjun– the neighborhood kid (your parents being business partners for quite some time now made you and the short boy become friends somewhere along the way)– states, snickering as he lays on one of the benches on the side, his own tennis racket thrown carelessly on the ground as he watches the two of you running around the court, playing.

“I only do it because I’m bored,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sending the little yellow ball over the net with much force, making you run to the other side of the court.

“And I only do it because I need to prove to him that he’s not the best at everything he tries,” you add, sending the ball back to your friend.

“Just say you want to impress him and go,” Yizhuo– Chenle’s cousin from his mother’s side– teases you from the bench, sitting next to Renjun. Her remark doesn’t go unnoticed by you as you send the yellow ball her way after her cousin passes it towards your side of the court again, aiming precisely for her forehead but missing, earning yourself a terrified yelp out of the girl when she scootches closer to the boy next to her.

“That’s totally not what’s going on, but sure,” you roll your eyes at her when she throws the ball back, but you don’t feel interested in continuing the game anymore. Tiredly walking closer to the two sitting at the little shaded bench, wiping the sweat off your forehead, you try hard to not think of the snarky remark that was sent your way.

Is it really that obvious? Because sure, you’ve always found Zhong Chenle to be your brother figure over the years of growing up– but there’s something about the humid air of the tennis court and his competitiveness that have you eyeing him when he takes a sip from his water bottle or when he adjusts the hairband sitting on his damp forehead. He wears shorts that reveal his calves very nicely, and when you play 2 on 2, you find yourself focusing less and less on the game– earning yourself a frustrated yell from Ning Yizhuo herself as she plays along your side– and more and more on the Gucci tennis shoes adorning his feet as you scan the boy up and down, his figure growing taller and taller each passing day captivating you in a sense you’ve never quite experienced before.

“I can’t believe my mum dragged you all into this shit,” Chenle giggles when he sits next to Renjun on the bench, following you to the shade. There’s only 20 minutes left in the time your parents rented the court for and you figure that you can spend that time recharging your energy instead of playing the boring game.

“Not me,” Yizhuo says, “she made my mother feel bad about not signing me up for any sports. You know, your mum’s pretty persuasive, especially when it comes to looking good in front of everyone. If it wasn’t for my mum, I wouldn’t be doing this shit,” she complains, shrugging as she adjusts her ponytail that’s always sitting neatly on the crown of her head.

“I love the fact that Renjun here is the least athletic out of all of us, but he is the only one here willingly,” you snicker, earning yourself a chant of amused laughs at the spoken truth. Now, nobody forced Huang Renjun to come play tennis with you every Friday– but the fact that he doesn’t have many friends in the neighborhood was what made him come along, too bored on his own and with nothing to put his attention to. He doesn’t like playing much, but everything’s better than sitting alone at home, am I right?

The three of you gossip about everything and nothing– the new family in the neighborhood, especially, because Renjun saw their son last Sunday and found his outfit absolutely atrocious (“You’d think people with money would at least know how to dress well, but no. That’s not the case with that Wen Junhui guy.”). The time passes by quickly, and when the timer on Chenle’s phone goes off, signaling that the three mandatory hours at the tennis court are finally over, you all stand up and walk over to the gate, shoes dragging along the sandy surface of the ground with much tiredness. At least you’re getting some cardio in…

“Is your driver coming to pick you up?” Chenle asks as you pay goodbye to your friends, both of them getting into expensive cars waiting for them at the parking lot. Turning to him, you hum in agreement, suddenly shy under his gaze. It’s not even summer yet, but the May sun is already harsh on the skin, getting redness to spread along his cheeks, only further sculpting his handsome bone structure you’ve grown so familiar with over the years.

“What about you?”

“Told my mum I’ll walk home instead. It’s not like it’s only a 20 minute walk anyway,” he mutters, rolling his eyes at the irony of you having to drive home despite living only a few meters away from him, in the same wealthy neighborhood. You grew up together, in the same mowed lawns, in the same green labyrinths of your families’ villas, in the same high ceilings and golden accents on the interior of your houses. After watching him from the corner of your eye, you start to wonder about what changed between the two of you that made you so weak to him now, that you’re both 18. Did he change? Was it the fact that you were now both adults? You don’t think that’s the case– because even though you were 18, there were no more responsibilities waiting for you than they were the years before.

“My driver can take you,” you say, kicking the rocks below your feet, “well, unless you want to walk home alone instead,” you add, noting his previous sentence.

You see him take a sip out of his water bottle, shrugging at your suggestion. Chenle’s not a fan of inefficiency, no matter the fact that you can afford anything you could ever want. It’s a quality of him you find quite strange some days, but you don’t ponder on it too much.

You’ve known each other since you were in diapers. And after replaying all the memories you have with the boy in your head, you think that your 18 year old self isn’t so stupid for falling for him. See– you’ve got to know a lot of men over the course of your life. Many tried to get with you barely before you even grew into an adult, seeing the vision of money and the social status you could give them. Some, on the other hand, never gave you back the attention you were giving them. All relationships you had in your life were blinded by the imaginary price tag you always carried around with yourself, and so everything always stayed surface-level and plain. No wonder you fell for Chenle– no matter how long it took you to get to this part of your friendship– he’s the only one that ever showed you his true self, he’s the only one that ever trusted you enough to go deeper in conversations with you and treated you like a real human being. You know him well and he knows you well; he’s like a book you always find yourself rereading, excited to find that your favorite characters always stayed the same. At the end of the day, you think you were always meant to fall for Chenle.

Standing under the blazing sun, you wait for your driver to get to the tennis courts. You wait for 10 minutes, then 15– and when you get a little too overheated, Chenle offers you his water bottle and mumbles something about being on time. When the time passes 45 minutes after your driver’s supposed arrival, your friend turns to you with a glint in his eye, a grin sitting on his annoyingly handsome face.

“Wanna walk home with me instead?”

And the truth is, you don’t find yourself disagreeing. And you also don’t find yourself hating the walk up the hills of the neighborhood– no matter how tiring it was to your already exhausted limbs– and you don’t find yourself complaining about the lack of AC or the vehicle driving your ass home to your, admittedly, too big of a house. Chenle entertains you with his talks– because he always talks too much for his own good– and when you stop paying attention to him and lose track of where you’re going, he drags you back to the sidewalk by your hand and your fingers stay interlocked when he teases you about the fact that you almost got ran over by a white Cadillac.

“Listen, there’s this song I think you’ll like,” he hums when you’re 5 minutes away from your house, pulling out his phone out of his back pocket and opening up the Spotify app. He plays you a song by Ariana Grande, singing along to the lyrics of the chorus. His voice goes thin when he tries to mimic the singer’s voice, dragging along the english sentences of ‘it feels so good to be this young and have this fun and be successful, i’m so successful!’, irony seeping from his tone. Your hands are still intertwined as he swings them back and forth and you don’t even really care about the subtle implication of the lyrics he’s singing– because it’s Chenle, and despite being just as wealthy as you, he’s no stranger to calling you a snob.

When you’re 18 and walking back from your weekly tennis endeavors, you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your heart when your friend twirls you around in your driveway, your white tennis skirt childishly fulfilling your unsaid dreams of becoming a ballerina, before he walks to his house standing on the opposite side of the road.

You don’t even care that your poor driver got fired by your mother right after she realized he forgot to pick you up from the tennis court as much.

October 17, 2020 – a charity evening, Shanghai, 9:11 PM

Your whole life so far has been guided in the aura of money. When you were little, you didn’t realize it as much– your young, undeveloped brain couldn’t phantom the fact that your annual trips to Italy and summer vacations at yachts and in the Paris DisneyLand weren’t a normal occurrence to everyone. You couldn’t understand the value of money, and you think that maybe, you never truly will. Because you were born fortunate, never having to worry about a single thing, always living in wealth and with gold around your neck.

The closest you are to understanding just how much money your family truly has is at the charity evenings you are forced to attend. Walking around, mostly bored– because truly, you didn’t have much of an idea just how much money you’re sending to the unfortunate parts of Africa and what the whole thing even has to do with you, when the money wasn’t really yours in the first place– you try to at least look through the flier your family made for the event, reading through the carefully crafted sentences, feeling at least a little sorry for everyone that doesn’t get to live the way you do.

“Isn’t it funny how this is the only way our families can present themselves in a good light?” Chenle mumbles when he reads over your shoulder, a dry chuckle leaving his lips.

Turning around to look at your companion, you furrow your brows at his snarky comment. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we give to charity so people don’t hate us as much,” Chenle shrugs, taking a sip from the champagne poured in a tall glass you’re pretty sure your mother spent hours and hours picking out when renting this place, just so everything could be perfect.

“It’s just jealousy,” you say as you walk side-by-side with the boy, the expensive fabric of his white button-down hugging his body in all the right places, leaving you light-headed when you let yourself indulge in your thoughts for too long and stare at the curves of his forearms. It’s been a few months since you slept with your childhood friend– and while you must admit that you regretted it a little when you woke up in the morning, with a hangover and sore limbs, you also didn’t regret it as much as to turn the offer down when it was next brought to you. And the next time, and the next…

“You think?” Chenle asks, and his interest in your answer seems genuine.

“Yeah,” you nod, shrugging to yourself, “we have more money than any of them ever will, so it’s only natural for people to feel jealous and talk spiteful things about us.”

Chenle hums at your answer, licking his lips before he looks you dead in the eye, the smallest glint of irony shining from behind the dark orbs, making you shrink under his gaze. “It’s not like it’s hard work anyway,” Chenle mutters, “if it wasn’t all stolen money, at least the charity work wouldn’t feel as fake.”

You stop in your tracks at the comment, furrowing your brows. “Stolen money?”

The boy next to you snickers at your clueless eyes. It’s no wonder you never really cared about the source of your family’s wealth– you were born to it, so you never had a reason to doubt it. And truth be told, you never really complained either. You don’t think anyone in your place would, really. You just accepted it the way it is, and you never asked any questions. For all you know, your parents are hard working business owners– you bet their money is well deserved for the amount of effort they put in– so to hear that it’s stolen money, from someone who is in a similar position as you, on top of that, you can’t believe your ears.

“I mean, they’re business owners. Let’s not act like both yours and my parents don’t meddle with the taxes at least a bit, sweetheart,” he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, “if I were all those people outside of it, I’d hate myself too.”

His words do little to comfort you. They do quite the opposite, really, and even though Zhong Chenle has no proof to show you of the fact that your parents might have at least a bit of dirty money on their hands, you can’t say you don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. You start to wonder if you’re that gullible– and who is the one lying straight to your eyes now, if it’s your friend or your parents– and you start to believe that you’d trust everything Chenle tells you, because that’s just the relationship you have with him. He could do anything and you’d follow him to the end of the world. It takes years to build that bond, and so even know, although you have the urge to scream at him for talking such things about the ones that brought you to this world– this perfect, shiny world– you find yourself holding back, the bubble around you bursting in a second, although you spent 19 years of your life living in the fake glory and bejeweled experience. Opening your mouth to ask him more about the matter– to get yourself out of the confusion you’ve been put in with just a few sentences uttered out of his always too-honest mouth, you turn to the boy when a man with a camera approaches the two of you, asking to take a picture of you.

And you comply, because what else are you supposed to do? This is how you’ve been raised. You smile for the pictures, you grin when you find yourself in the magazines, you nod when people recognise your name, you greet people with a polite nod, because you never know when someone wants to make business with your parents and you wouldn’t want to ruin good opportunities for them, would you?

With Chenle’s arm around your waist, your body instinctively leaning into his touch, you smile for yet another picture for the portfolio. Sometimes you feel like a princess– with everything it takes; both the royal responsibilities and the special treatment. More often than not, you find yourself enjoying the spotlight.

“Now they have proof that we were here,” Chenle mumbles into your ear, his lips gently brushing the smooth skin, “wanna get out of here? This party doesn’t look as enjoyable as the last one we went to,” the boy references the time you spent together at the cruise ship, with both the screaming on the dancefloor, and also the aftermath in your room, making heat puddle in your cheeks as you swat his hand away before it gets too low on your back in front of everyone in the room.

“I have to give a speech, but… maybe later?” you look at him, innocently batting your eyelashes at him, when the boy shrugs and takes a step back, downing the last drops of champagne from the expensive looking glass.

“I’ll be waiting back home,” Chenle says, “I bet our parents will stay until this all ends, so we have plenty of time for ourselves when you decide you’re tired of the gala.”

He disappears out of your sight the moment after, putting the empty glass onto a tray of one of the waiters carefully walking across the room, his back escaping out the front door. If you squint hard enough through the glass, you could see him getting into one of the sports cars he got from his parents for his 18th birthday– the vehicle driving off in the hands of his driver for the night, since he just had a glass of alcohol– and leaving you alone in the world of faux and feathers, fulfilling the responsibilities given to you by your mother. And for the first time– not only because you hate giving public speeches– you so desperately want to follow him, getting out before midnight like Cinderella, never attending another one of these evenings ever again.

You don’t, though. You’re an obedient daughter.

And when you call him up from the entryway a few minutes after midnight, his rough hands welcoming you to his bedroom by undressing the thousand-dollar Tiffany dress you wore to the event– being the aftermath of his previous words or not, you start to think how ironic it is that your attire for the evening cost more than than the monthly rent of the people you were giving to in your speech.

After a while, your words turn bitter.

March 23, 2020 – South Cape Owners Club, Namhae-gun, Gyeongsangnam-do, South Korea, 1:17 PM

“Did you really have to choose the most boring thing to do for your birthday?” Chenle mutters under his nose when all of your parents stride forward to get another hole in one, beads of sweat appearing on your foreheads as you stand directly under the midday sun.

“This wasn’t my idea, okay?” Renjun huffs, carrying his golf equipment with him, the silly-looking golf gloves tugged right off his hands when his parents are no longer in sight. “All I wanted was to visit my grandma, but they decided we needed to do something special for my birthday, and when I couldn’t tell them anything I’d like to do, they dragged everyone to play golf.”

“I was thinking more like… clubbing and then crashing at your grandma’s place overnight, but okay…” Yizhuo snickers, watching as all of your parents joyfully talk between themselves, their conversation rarely leaving business matters as they play golf with as much enthusiasm as one can have while focusing on this boring sport. You don’t really know who made this game and why they made it– you can imagine seventy thousand different ways you’d love to spend your afternoon doing instead, more than a half of them supposedly more mundane than the sport itself; but you still know you’d enjoy even sitting down and getting ice cream better than having to pretend you’re interested in, what Chenle called, rich-people-only sport.

“Maybe I can sneak a bottle up into my room later, but I’m not promising anything,” Renjun shrugs, sighing to himself as he takes out his phone from his back pocket and shakes his head at the sight of the time appearing on his screen. You’ve been at the golf course since 10 AM, and with how interested in the game your parents seem to be, you’re not leaving any time soon either.

Not really engaged in the conversation– because Chenle once told you you complain too much (you truly thought he was the one doing so, but you believe pretty much everything that comes out of the man’s mouth, because he’s mostly right about things) and you think you’ve done your fair share of complaining on your way to the golf course in the first place– you look around, trying to find a thing that could occupy your attention instead. Finding anything fun to do while playing golf may just be the hardest thing to do, but when you notice your companion Chenle missing and his figure appears striding towards your small group in a golf cart, the vehicle going full speed (even the barely 40 km/h looks like it could kill when he seems to not give a single damn about running you over), and suddenly, your mind is occupied enough.

Screeching when the golf cart barely misses your figure, you jump to the side and watch Chenle laugh from the driver’s seat. His malicious instincts barely ever leave his body and the operation of a golf cart is seemingly bringing out the worst in him– thank god he barely drives anymore– and you can’t help but laugh at his little stunt when the cart comes to a sharp halt and he waves you three over with a motion of his hand.

“Hop on, motherfuckers, we have places to be!” he says, all of you following his footsteps and jumping into the small vehicle– you in the passenger seat, next to Chenle, and Renjun and Yizhuo taking the two seats on the back. Once you’re all in, the engine grunts with the speed Chenle’s intending to get to in the weak thing, the atmosphere shifts into one with much more fun and adrenaline– because you know you’re not supposed to ride the carts (not this fast anyway) and when your parents find out, you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble. No, you’re not going to get grounded– you’re not a kid anymore– but the silent treatment and nagging from them about being well-raised and respectable members of society is enough to leave you scared of their anger for the rest of your lives.

“Slow down, I’m gonna fall out!” you scream when Chenle takes a sharp turn, the golf cart almost toppling over on the green grass.

“I got you, don’t worry,” he notes, one of his hands loosely falling to your thigh to keep you in place, your skin heating up even more from his touch now, enjoying the hold but also fearing the eyes of your friends from the backseat. Your earlier terror is quickly erased with another sharp turn the driver takes– having much more things to worry about now, surviving being one of them– and when he zooms past the group of middle-aged people standing a few meters ahead of you, you already know you’re in big trouble.

Now you’re gonna get scolded for abducting a golf cart. When it wasn’t even your idea in the first place.

Well, that’s something to worry about later.

Chenle drives with the cart all over the golf course, the vehicle providing you enough entertainment for the next few minutes until you get tired of the ride. Looking over at him on your side, gaping a little at the view of your childhood friend driving the cart with only one hand, the other one still securely glazing your thigh, you almost choke out with how attractive the strange sight is to your eyes. Forcing yourself to focus on the road– and thank god, because if you didn’t hold to the side of the cart now, you’d surely fall out despite Chenle’s reassuring words and his hold on your leg– when the man cuts through a small hill in the golf course, the vehicle jumping up and falling back down making you scream in terror mixed with just a bit of excitement.

“Fucking hell, at least warn us before!” Renjun screams from the back, followed by Yizhuo’s amused laughter. You can only imagine Renjun’s almost fallen out, and even though the mental image looks hilarious, you really don’t need him to get hurt today, because he wouldn’t shut up about it for the next 8 working days. And it’s his birthday, after all– you wouldn’t wanna ruin it by having too much fun.

And so, with a last giggle escaping the boy’s throat, Chenle brings the golf cart to a halt, the vehicle stopping far enough from your parents to not get scolded immediately for making so much ruckus at the golf cart, the four of you enjoying the silence, still recovering from the wild ride. Smiling fondly to yourself and gaping at the boy next to you again, you suddenly grow appreciative of him. If it wasn’t for his wild nature, you would still be sulking somewhere on the golf course, pretending to enjoy living your snobby life alongside your parents. You bet even Renjun himself will find this moment captured in his brain as a core birthday memory, and the more you stare at Chenle’s side profile, the more you want to hold his face in your hands and thank him.

“Ew,” you hear Yizhuo’s voice from behind you, bringing you out of your thoughts. Looking back to see what she’s referring to, you watch her gaze landing on Chenle’s hand playing with the flesh on your thigh, heat suddenly rising to your cheeks in being caught in the exact position you feared a little while ago.

“What–” Chenle snaps his head back at his cousin, while you quickly shrug his palm off your skin, but it’s too late now– you’ve been caught in the act and now you can’t do anything to erase Ning Yizhuo’s memory.

“You know, I thought you two were cousins at first. Like, from your dad’s side, I mean,” Yizhuo sighs, shaking her head in disbelief at the two of you, her comment not doing much to ease the situation either. Chenle seems to be confused at her words, his face scrunching up as he glares at the girl.

“We’re not,” you note, clearing your throat and looking at her with a glare, mentally praying for her to drop the topic.

“Yeah, thank god,” Chenle adds, and you should’ve expected him to make the situation even worse– it’s Zhong Chenle, after all– but his next words shock you and leave you gasping, mentally killing him right here and in this moment, “that would make a lot of things weird.”

“Ew,” Yizhuo repeats, and suddenly, that perks up Renjun’s attention– the boy previously facing the other side of the golf course and not paying you three much care– as he looks around and watches you with confusion in his features.

“What are you talking about?”

“That they are–” the girl takes it upon herself to explain her findings, but she’s quickly cut off by a sound of a middle-aged woman screaming through the place, her small figure striding towards the golf cart.

“Zhong Chenle, what do you think you’re doing?!”

And with that scolding tone, the previous topic is dropped. Thank god.

June 12, 2020 – Zhong Chenle’s room, Shanghai, 11:21 PM

A hand stroking through his hair, smoothing back the bangs and revealing his forehead in the dim blue of the neon light in his room, you lay on your side next to your friend Chenle, a blanket carelessly thrown over your half-naked middles to shield you from the breeze. You hum a song under your breath as you play with his locks, the black disappearing between your fingers like sand, eyes carefully watching his tired expression.

If you thought hard enough, you could see the little boy you first met at your parent’s conference room when you were 3 materialize in front of your eyes. His cheeks were chubby and he was short, waddling behind you almost a head less than your size, and his voice was thin as he asked you for your name. From that moment on, you knew you were supposed to stick together– and while your parents were the first relative to bring you two together, you didn’t mind always being glued to each other’s hips.

When you look closer at him now, it’s hard to see that boy in him. Harder than you expected, if you’re being totally honest. Don’t get me wrong, you can still see in his features– even though his cheekbones are more prominent now and his jaw is more chiseled, lips plumper and his figure built more firmly than when he was a little boy– but there’s something about his demeanor that completely changed over time. He seems less enthusiastic, and while one would think that it’s just him growing into being a more laid-back and relaxed person– he’s not a kid anymore, after all– you think there’s something more to it, you just can’t quite put your finger to it.

Seeing him close his eyes every once in a while, lids falling under the weight of his tiredness and the comfort your gentle strokes through his scalp give him, you feel your heart clench with all the care you’re currently putting into the boy, and all that you’ve been putting into him throughout your growing up. After so many years– after getting so close and intimate with him– you don’t think you’d be able to let the boy go, and just the sheer image of ever losing him or leaving him behind leaves you trembling with anxiety.

And so, despite being afraid of ruining the calm atmosphere that comes after making love to him, you speak up with a weak voice, contrasting to what you’re logically supposed to feel after getting to know the news this morning– just because you have to know.

“Lele?” you mumble, hearing him let out a hum, his voice sounding as if he’s half-asleep, but you know he’s listening to you. “What are your plans… after you graduate?” you ask. The day of graduation is coming faster and faster towards you, the years you’ve spent at high school finally fulfilled after all the effort you put in on your finals.

“Dunno,” he replies, eyes barely opened as his arm that’s been previously laid on the mattress in between your two bodies moves to your hip, fingers drumming over the soft skin, “why?”

“Just wondering…” you speak, voice barely louder than a whisper. The boy stays silent– his eyes once again closing on themselves as you continue to play with his hair. One would think he’s fallen asleep, not awake enough to have this conversation, and you would even believe the fact and let the conversation go, thinking you’d find another time to dwell on this topic, but then, as a surprise, his voice startles you from your deep thoughts when he curiously inquires you, the hand on your hip steadying.

“What about you?”

Taking a deep breath in and out, a smile battling to take over your lips, you lick your lips in the heartbeat that comes before your answer. Swallowing your nerves– because even though you should’ve told him the moment you got the news this morning, you’re somehow stressed out about the action of doing so– you open your mouth and finally break the rules to him.

“I… I got to Yale,” you say, on your toes. The joy and relief you felt this morning when you saw the email appear on your phone screen is daring to creep into the way you speak to Chenle right now, but you’re keeping it in. Not letting yourself scream and shout the accomplishment from the rooftops, you look at the boy, not a change appearing on his face at hearing your announcement. “I got into their business program,” you add anxiously, waiting for him to say something– anything– to your news.

As your friend, he’s supposed to be happy for you, isn’t he? He’s supposed to hug you now and squeeze you and tell you how you’ve done a good job and that he’s proud of you and that he’s cheering you on in your dream. None of it comes, though, as he only hums and nods at your sentences, not even bothering to open his eyes to look at you when you oh so excitedly talk to him about your life goals.

Something inside of you breaks just the tiniest bit, your mood falling as you anxiously chew on the inside of your cheek.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” you demand, halting your movements through his raven locks, averting your touch and looking at him curiously.

You watch him as he finally opens his eyes and looks at you with an empty look, licking his lips before humming again and asking you in a tone of voice that barely meets interest or excitement. “So you’re gonna be a businesswomen like your mum when you get your degree?” he asks, nodding to himself.

“Yeah,” you answer, clearing your throat. You’re a little confused at his weird stance towards the topic, but you battle out a tight-lipped smile. “I’m hoping for it.”

He hums again, the noise seemingly enough for him to consider it a valid conversation holder, a deadpan: “Good,” leaving his lips after a second, making you furrow your brows in confusion and utter disappointment. This is not the way you imagined the conversation to go– this is not how you wanted it to go at all.

Heaving out a sigh, you tug your arm to yourself, contemplating on speaking up– knowing you’re just gonna make everything worse if you do– but doing so anyway. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“I mean, what else is there to say?”

Looking at him in disbelief, your face scrunching up in various different emotions, all mixing into one– disappointment being the dominant feel, you think, you scoff at him. This is not Zhong Chenle as you know him, and sure, he hasn’t been the most overly-excited, cheerful individual these past few months, but you still think you deserve at least a bit of praise for the achievement of getting into one of the hardest universities to get to in the world, no?

“I don’t know, you could… congratulate me, I guess…? Tell me I did a good job, I dunno… would be nice,” you mutter, snickering once more to prove your irritation with the man.

“Oh,” he says, looking genuinely surprised, taken-aback, even, “well, congrats on the legacy admission, I guess,” he says, nonchalant, as if his words aren’t a dagger to your heart each second that passes, your blood pressure rising as the reality downs on you that he’s being serious and that this is not a sick joke.

“The legacy admission?” you repeat, eyes big and shocked, your whole body moving an inch away from him on the bed without you realizing.

“Yeah,” he shrugs, not a bit caring about breaking you from the inside, the humiliation slowly creeping from the tips of your fingertips to the depths of your soul.

“So you’re saying I went through the whole admission process and put in so much effort only for you to say that I got in because of stupid legacy?” you chirp, gazing at him with sharp eyes, blood boiling from the impact of his words. “What legacy are you even talking about?”

“Don’t act like you’re not a nepo baby,” he snickers, rolling his eyes.

Gasping at his words, baffled at the unexpected reaction, you stand up on the bed and stare at him with sharp eyes. At a loss for words, you stutter a little when you speak up again and utter out the next words, hoping to hit him where it hurts. “Like you’re not?”

“Never said I’m not,” he shrugs, “don’t have a problem with admitting I am.”

“So you’re saying I only got to university because of my parents,” you get out, glossy eyes scanning his peaceful figure, “so you’re saying I’m not smart enough to get into Yale?”

“That’s not what I said–”

“But you implied.”

“You only hear what you want to hear,” Chenle sighs, as if he was tired of your antics, which only makes you more furious at the whole interaction.

“No, Chenle–” you stutter, his name rolling off your tongue as if it was meant to stop him with hurting you even more for discrediting your efforts, yet, you can’t find any more words to say to him as you stare at this limb body laying on the soft mattress of his king sized bed, shaking your head in disbelief.

Standing up from the bed and scattering around the room for your clothes, ignoring the way putting them on in front of him makes you feel like you’ve been stripped away from all your dignity, you hurriedly come to the door of his bedroom, almost forgetting your phone that you gather on your way out from the messy desk in the right corner of the room.

“Where are you going?” he asks monotonously, watching you move through the place.

“Home,” you bark out, running your hand through your hair as you walk back to the door, ignoring the hot tears pricking your eyes at the feeling of your whole entire world collapsing in on you when he mourns from the bed.

“Don’t be mad, it’s not like I said anything bad…”

“Goodnight,” you snap, not bothering to look back at him as you escape his house in the middle of the night, running through the street to your house much earlier than you anticipated, wiping at your cheeks with angry palms.

This is the first time he disappointed you, and you can’t tell if that felt worse, or if it was the excitement slowly and painfully stripping off your bones, making you feel like you’re running around without your flesh, completely see-through for everyone around.

June 27, 2020 – IFC Mall, Shanghai, 4:33 PM

“Do you think this makes my ass look extra hot?” Yizhuo asks, gaze shifting from you to Chenle to Renjun, the four of you currently in one of the designer shops at the mall. Leaning on the wall, arms crossed on your chest and chewing on the inside of your cheek, you shrug, not a word escaping your mouth.

“I’m your cousin, I’m not looking at your ass like that,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sighing as he takes a seat on one of the expensive looking sofas situated in the changing room, resting his head against the neck rest and closing his eyes in what seems to be tiredness or annoyance– either of, or both mixed in, equal parts.

“Oh come on, I need to know!”

“It does look super hot, Yizhuo, now can you–”

“So you are staring at my butt!” Yizhuo excitedly yelps, pointing a sharp finger towards Renjun, a bright grin settling onto her lips when the accused boy stutters, cheeks reddening at her comment.

“You literally asked us to, for fuck’s sake!”

“You could’ve refused, just like Chenle did,” she shrugs, smiling to herself in victory. If anyone was listening to your conversation right now, they would surely have a lot of questions you wouldn’t be able to respond to. Hell, even you’re confused half of the time you hang out with Ning Yizhuo– what the hell is going on in her head?

“He’s your family, of course he refused,” Renjun mutters, shaking his head as he drags a hand through his hair in despair.

“Whatever you say, Renjunie,” she chirps, closing the curtain behind her and changing back into the pants she wore when she got to the store in one swift motion, leaving the boy puzzled with her next words as she walks up to the counter, “I’m only buying those because you think I look super hot in them, just so you know.”

Paying for her things and escaping the store, the rest of you tagging along, you notice the boy aimlessly trying to forget about the whole situation, and his prayers were listened to, after all, since Yizhuo seems to drop the topic after teasing him so much, turning to you instead. Walking alongside with you, leaving the two boys a few steps ahead, she nudges you with her elbow, raising up her brow in question.

“What’s up with you? You haven’t even tried anything on,” she notes, “and we both know you’ve been eyeing that new LV collection, so there must be something bothering you.”

Sighing, hating that the girl knows you so well– that, or you’re being awfully obvious– you roll your eyes in annoyance and try to shrug the topic off. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s obviously a lie. Is it something with Chenle? You two are usually all over each other, so–”

“It’s not about Chenle,” you snap, cutting the poor girl off, “so drop it.”

“Did he say something stupid? I know my cousin, come on. I can slap some sense into him, sweetheart, just let me know–”

“Please let it be,” you insist, tone of voice almost a little too sharp for your own liking, but it seemingly does its job as your friend only shrugs and takes a sip out of the coffee you all bought when getting to the mall, catching up to the men a few steps in front of you, talking about basketball.

“Well, if you need to talk to anyone about it, you know where to find me,” she says, and joins the discourse with her cousin and the boy she’s been teasing for whatever reason for the last few weeks instead, leaving you to trail behind them like a lost puppy, deep in your thoughts.

It’s been a few weeks since you last talked to Chenle. He tried reaching out to you a few times, sending you texts to ask what you’re doing that day to see if you wanna hang out. It seemed that at first, he didn’t really understand that he upset you. After you continued to ignore him even on graduation day, only greeting him and sparing him a few words, he seemed to get the memo as he let you deal with your emotions by yourself instead. You were never given an apology– and truthfully, knowing Chenle, you didn’t even expect to get one in the first place. But still, it’s been bugging you and you couldn’t get his words out of your brain, because you know you can’t do anything about them– if this is the image he has of you, the opinion he created, you don’t think you can talk it out with him in the first place.

“Everything okay back there?” Chenle asks, looking behind at you. His eyes are big and honest, and you find yourself nodding to his caring question. Sparing him a word seems like too much effort right now, and so when he offers you a tight-lipped smile, you don’t have enough energy to reciprocate it.

“Princess Yizhuo here has sore feet, so we are calling it a day. You wanted anything from the mall? I can stay behind with you and go get it,” he continues, his words jabbing into you only reminding you more of the days you spent ignoring him. Realistically, he should be mad at you for it– maybe you even wanted that to happen so he would ignore you instead, giving you the silent treatment, but this is your childhood friend Zhong Chenle we’re talking about. He talks too much in situations where he should shut up instead, and that’s exactly what’s happening in this very moment as well.

“I’m good,” you note, shrugging as you throw the empty coffee cup into one of the bins on your way, your small group now escaping the mall and getting to the parking lot.

Walking towards Chenle’s Zenvo TS1 parked in the corner of the parking lot, you hear the chatter of the group resonating in your ears, not really engaging in the conversation yourself, but choosing to listen to feel included anyway. It’s not their fault that you’re not in the mood, and frankly, you’re glad they even invited you to the outing in the first place. Everything’s better than being left out in your books, even if it means forcing yourself into social interaction.

“My driver should be here any minute,” Yizhuo smiles, waving at Renjun currently getting into his Porsche Cayenne that he got after you all arrived from his birthday trip to Korea. Watching the boy drive off– while listening to Chenle bitching about his driving (he does have a point though, the poor boy almost crashed into a pole on his way out) – you feel a nudge to your elbow, making you turn to your friend.

“Wanna get back with me, neighbor?” he asks, eyebrows raised in question.

In any other circumstance, you wouldn’t miss a heartbeat before answering. But now, you ponder on the question for a bit– you got to the mall with Yizhuo, having hanged out with her at her place before– but now that she’s getting a drive home, there was no use in you tagging along with her, since you live quite far from her house. Getting a drive home from Chenle is the most logical solution, after all, and that’s why you find yourself nodding.

Jumping to the passenger’s seat, waving at Yizhuo still waiting for her driver to get there– it should take only about 5 more minutes, with the speed her driver can get to when called– you silently gaze out of the window on your way back, not sparing the boy next to you a glance. He seems to not mind, carefully taking turns and waiting at the stop signs and red lights on his way to your neighborhood, humming along under his breath to the songs on the radio instead to fill the silence. You spend the ride chewing on your cheek, nerves eating you up from inside just at the sheer fact of being in his close proximity again, yet still being so painfully hurt at the feelings he expressed the last time you hung out one-on-one.

His car smoothly gets to the parts of the town that feel more rich– houses growing bigger in size, the gates taller in the sky and the lawns mowed more carefully, with more fancy bushes in the yards and pure-blood dogs running around in front of the gates. After a few minutes, your neighborhood appears in front of your eyes, his car driving past your house and into the Zhong property instead, making you furrow your brows in confusion and annoyance.

“You could’ve just stopped in front of my house so I could get out, you know,” you hum, sighing when he turns the engine off.

“I was thinking we could hang out over at ours for a sec,” he shrugs, turning his face to you with a hopeful glint in his eye, which you dismiss with an annoyed huff and a roll of your eyes, reaching towards the door handle to get out and walk over to your house instead.

“Come on, Y/N,” he calls for you, “are you still mad?”

“No,” you snicker, shrugging as you move towards the front gates, his figure quickly catching up to you as he grabs your wrist, halting you in your movements.

“I’m sorry. Let me make it out to you?” he mumbles, looking at you with eyes big and deep like honey, and suddenly, you’re a putty under his touch– just like always, you cave in– as you sigh, following him inside. You don’t miss the victorious pep in his step as he leads you inside, his hand still in contact with your arm, only letting go when you get to his room and he leads you to sit on his bed.

“Wanna play something?” he asks, thrusting a PS5 controller into your hands, not really leaving you much room for disapproval. Grunting and rolling your eyes at him, you watch as he opens up It takes two, your characters running around the split screen trying to figure out the way around.

The silence between the two of you is cruciating, suffocating, even, as neither of you have enough courage to open up the topic again. Tugging at your bottom lip, biting off the dry skin up to the point it bleeds, you sigh and turn to the boy again, putting the controller down. “Is this your way of making it up to me?” you ask.

Cocking his head to you, he shrugs. “I mean, I had a different idea, but that’s up for a discussion…” he mutters, the suggestion of his words making you roll your eyes at him, in disbelief of the fact that he still has the audacity to tease when he knows you’re clearly upset with him.

“Okay, I’m… really sorry, okay?” he says when he registers your mood, sighing to himself and running a hand through his hair. “I kinda fucked up, and I realise that. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re stupid, or anything– come on, I always cheated off you on exams, after all– so, I just- it came off wrong, is what I’m tryna say,” he concludes, looking at you hopefully, his face seemingly in tune with the words coming out of his mouth.

Humming, you shrug, not really knowing what to say. The apology settles a little in you, noting that at least he acknowledged that he fucked up, and so you pick up the controller again and avert your gaze from him. Seeing as his character refuses to move, you look at him from the corner of your eye, raising your brows in question.

“So you forgive me?” he asks, licking his lips in nerves– the action making your eyes travel down to the plump rosiness, involuntarily following his action. His glistening mouth has your gaze wandering around his body, eyes focusing on things you’ve been purposefully ignoring the whole day– the way his forearms show off in his short-sleeved shirt, the way his hair is parted in a way that shows his forehead in the most strangely attractive ways, and also the ever-so casual demeanor of the male. Chuckling to yourself, you shrug, taunting him.

“I dunno,” you mumble, “how can you make it up to me?”

And again, Chenle gets the hint– he’s not stupid, after all.

Slowly lounging himself towards you, making you drop the controller to his sheets, you close your eyes in expectancy of his touch, already so used to the rhythm of his lips against yours. His hand holds your jaw in place, firm kisses pressed to your yearning mouth, you try to remember the way his touch feels– just in case you have to give it up soon again– a selfish action of your body as you thread your fingers through his hair.

Lips ghosting over yours, he snickers against them as he speaks. “You taste of blood,” he notes.

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking matters into your own hands as you lock yourself to him again, pressing shaky, hurried kisses to his lips.

He finds a better place to attach them to, though, as he gently pushes you towards his mattress into a lying position, traveling towards your jaw and your neck. His touch never stays long enough to leave a mark– at least not in places visible for everyone to see, saving you a lot of explaining to your parents and your friends– but the kisses still leave you breathless and yearning for more, hands traveling down his back and humming in pleasure.

“Missed this,” he speaks against your skin, breathless, “so much.”

“Missed my body or me?” you ask, a hint of bitterness on your tongue.

“A bit of both,” he smirks, gently sucking on the skin of your collarbone, leaving you to squirm under the feathery touch. Hands traveling up under your shirt, his fingers trailing across your belly and the curve of your hip, you’re left shivering under the contrast of the heated atmosphere and his stone-cold hands, giggling when he presses an unusually sweet kiss to your cheek in between the more risky ones.

“And which one did you miss more?” you tease, locking eyes with him as he hovers over your body, plopped up by an arm on either side of your head.

His eyes glimmer as he stares you down, cocking his head to the side. “I miss when you didn’t talk,” he says, leaning down again and taking your breath away with a kiss, a displeased grunt meeting his lips as you disapprove of his snarky comment.

In the sheer second where you two break away for air, his hands undress your top, leaving you under him just in your underwear, a position you two have found yourselves in a number of times before. Still, it leaves you shy away under his hungry eyes, only relaxing again when his raven locks tickle the underside of your jaw, lips attaching to every inch of your now exposed body, not afraid of bruising the skin you always keep covered, out of everyone’s eyes. Sometimes, you yearn for him to plant a lovebite to your jaw, to the juncture of your shoulder and your neck, wanting to show them off to everyone and claim the boy as yours– you know you don’t have that power, though, when Zhong Chenle will never be yours and the bruises of desire are always hidden away from everyone, like a dirty little secret; much like what you two have going on in the first place anyway.

“You know,” he mutters against your skin, in between the kisses that have now grown lazier, “I was starting to get a little crazy when you ignored me. That was a first,” he says.

Snickering, hands once again finding their place in his locks, you shrug. “Was the first time you deserved it.”

“Does my opinion really matter to you that much?” he asks, chuckling as he presses another kiss to your skin, to a place a few inches below your collarbone.

“We’ve been friends forever,” you say, “‘course it does.”

“Well, then you should’ve known that as your friend,” he huffs, lips pressed against your skin, “‘m not looking down on you.”

Humming, you let him work his magic as his lazy kisses inch closer to the fabric of your bra, his other hand playing with the fabric of it, twirling the little bow in between your breasts in his fingers as he leans on one of his plopped-up hands, looking at you from the side.

“Guess I was just more curious about what you wanted to do after school, y’know,” you say, the conversation flowing despite his hands all over you, “before you called me a nepo baby, of course.”

He chuckles at your remark, rolling his eyes at you as his finger trails up your side, your skin growing goosebumps under his touch. “Dunno yet. Why do you care?”

“Wanted to see how far we’re gonna be,” you say, the moment suddenly growing more intimate. The relationship you two have was never inclusive– you two had sex sometimes, sure, but you never once told each other this was more than that. You two were just mere fuck buddies, childhood friends that found sexual attraction in each other somewhere along the way, and while that was enough for you for a while, you found yourself growing anxious of the fact that he was never going to be fully yours. And with the growing anxiety– the smallest remainder of your worries that overtake you in the middle of the night sometimes– your throat closes up on itself when you choke out the next words. “Wanted to see how much time we have left together.”

His hand settles on your hip, his eyes bearing into yours with a newly found heaviness in them. Furrowing his brows, he licks his lips in nerves before speaking up. “Well, I’ll always be your neighbor, so you can find me when you come back. Unless we move, y’know…” he jokes, an airy laugh coming out his lungs that doesn’t meet the expected intention of easing the situation.

You chuckle– but there’s not a hint of lightheartedness in the gesture, quite the opposite, really– as you avert your gaze from him, your head lollying to the side when you try to hide your slowly, but surely growing red eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

The hand on your hip squeezes the skin under it, his figure now fully hovering over you again, eyes desperately wanting to meet yours. A finger gently pressed to your chin makes you turn your head back forward, his worried gaze bearing into you, and for a moment, you two only stare into each other’s eyes, frozen in time.

And again, Zhong Chenle isn’t stupid.

But for a second, he acts like he is.

“What are you talking about?” he chuckles. “You’re scaring me.”

And when you don’t give him an answer, but instead chew on the inside of your cheek– another place to bleed after you bite down too hard from the nerves crushing you from the inside– he seems to finally get the hint, an airy laugh full of disbelief meeting your ears. Having figured it out, still, he speaks it into existence– as if he needed a confirmation; 8 words tormentingly escaping from between his swollen lips.

“You don’t have feelings for me, do you?”

Sniffling, you shut your eyes close at the question, your silence a clear answer to your childhood friend as he peels himself off you, the feeling of cold air on your exposed skin like a painful slap to reality. You stay like that for some time, mentally counting seconds, each hammer of your heart in your chest like a threat to your existence. Finally, the silence is broken by a determined, yet a little weak sentence coming out of Chenle’s mouth.

“I think you have to leave.”

Numb, you follow the orders.

July 25, 2020 – Ning Yizhuo’s room, Shanghai, 6:11 PM

“So I was right all along?” Yizhuo snickers, eating from the bowl of almonds she has settled in the free space between her lap and her crossed legs, staring at you with the hydrating sheet mask on her face. You heave out a sigh at her comment, rolling your eyes as you fall back into her soft mattress, shaking your head in disbelief.

“That’s all you got from this conversation?”

“Almost,” she mumbles, but nudges you with her foot right after, “I’m joking. I was listening, I’m just… shocked that I was actually right and that you were fucking my cousin all along.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not happening anymore, so you don’t have to be disturbed,” you grunt, wondering why you actually told the girl in the first place, regretting the decision perhaps the most right now. Yes, she did bug you for the last few weeks about the reasoning behind your attitude, and the fact that you refused all the invitations to hang out with your friends in fear of seeing Chenle were starting to get a bit suspicious, so you figured you can’t hide it anymore and that Yizhuo was bound to find out either way sooner or later. And still, you think you needed a bit of girl advice too.

“‘m not disturbed,” she mumbles, voice suddenly considerate, “I just- the whole situation is all kinds of weird and fucked up right now.”

“Tell me about it,” you chuckle, the bitter taste on your tongue never leaving despite trying to drown your sorrow down in sweets. “I fucked it up, Yizhuo.”

“Now, that’s just not true,” she sighs, putting the bowl of almonds to her coffee table and laying next to you, reaching for your hand and swinging it around in failed acts of encouragement and affection. “It’s not your fault he freaked out and made it weird.”

“I made it weird!” you mourn, breaking away from her grasp and dragging your hands through your hair in frustration, the feelings bundling in your stomach making you feel like acid is just bound to shoot out of the crevices of your insides, throwing up from the stress and despair. “I’m moving across the world the next month and I won’t see any of you for a long time, since Jun is moving to Korea and you’re gonna work in your parent’s company as well as going to uni here, and instead of spending the last moments of summer break together, I fucked it up and made everything weird and awkward just because I had to fall in love with my childhood best friend. While we’d been fucking. Isn’t that fucking great?” you huff, closing your eyes shut with the tears threatening to fall down your cheeks at your own words falling from between your lips.

“We are spending time together right now, though,” Yizhuo tries to cheer you up, her pout heard in her tone.

“There are millions of different ways you’d love to spend your time with me instead of moping because of your cousin,” you note, sighing, “and I don’t even fucking know what he’s gonna do after summer break, and now, I won’t get to know.”

Yizhuo grows quiet next to you, suggesting the thickening atmosphere. Turning on your side to see your friend with her eyes glued to your figure, you chew on the inside of your cheek. She sighs, preparing herself for the mental tangent she’s gonna bring you on, and reaches over to smooth down your messy hair.

“You know, Chenle never really liked… this life,” she says, shrugging, “he hates shopping, he hates hearing about investing, he hated traveling so much when you and your family didn’t tag along… At every family reunion, he just hid away in his room and never got out, because he found the whole situation snobby and fake and all those adjectives I’ve never really thought about calling my own relatives. He… he…” she licks her lips, trying to come up with the right words to say, “he sees the world around us with different eyes, and I don’t think he’s happy with it. So don’t- don’t be mad at him for not really… going anywhere with it, okay?”

Furrowing your brows at her, you shake your head in confusion. This is perhaps the first time you really realized Chenle’s view on things– it’s not like you haven’t heard his annoyed rants about all the prestige and over-the-top lifestyle you all have, but that’s all you thought it was. Annoyance– because at the end of the day, your life is comfortable. You wouldn’t want it any other way. If money moves the world around, you were the one walking through every hallway, all opportunities opened up in front of your eyes; and you don’t think you’d enjoy your life more if you had a bit less money. Chenle, on the other hand, seems to be quite the opposite. His joy is not determined by money, and for the first time in your life, it seems like you’re getting what he’s been talking about your whole life, the words you heard but never truly listened to. It was right in front of you the whole time, but you never saw it, and now that your eyes have been opened, you find it hard to deal with the revelation.

“But what is he going to do?” you gurgle out, confused.

“I don’t think he knows either,” Yizhuo shrugs, “he’s… figuring out things, I suppose.”

Chuckling, you shut your eyes in despair, thinking for a bit, but still failing to grasp the situation. “I don’t get it. He- he could have everything, but he’s just… throwing everything away? He could move across the world, he could start his own company, he could buy a house or work or study, but he just won’t,” you ramble, “I don’t get it.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Yizhuo shrugs, “but he sees it a different way.”

Laying flat on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling, your friend clears her throat and awkwardly shuffles around her sheets. “And at the end of the day, even though you’ve been friends for forever, I think you’re just in love with the version of him that you’ve created in your head. The version that you’re trying, but cannot fix,” she notes, pausing for a moment before proceeding, “the only person you can fix is yourself.”

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right. Maybe you fell in love with the Chenle in his sports car, Chenle in the golf cart with his designer clothes on, Chenle on the cruise ship sipping on expensive alcohol. Maybe you fell in love with the version that has the whole world in the palm of his hand, the version of him that goes to Yale with you and rents out a luxurious apartment in the middle of the city, kissing you behind the tall windows, watching over the busy streets– the version in your dreams, the version you wanted to achieve.

But what about the version of him that walked you to your house after tennis class? What about the version of him that cuddled you in his sheets, the version of him that fell asleep soundly when you played with his hair, cradled your fingers through his scalp? What about the version of him that scared you in the dark, because he knew you get creeped out too easily, the version of him that ate cheap sausage with you in Japan, the version of him that studied with you and brought you to your bed when you fell asleep at the table? What about the version of him that cried to Disney movies with you, the version of him that danced with you to the tunes of One Direction in your room when you were sixteen, the version of him that threw rocks on your window in the moonlight the night you turned seventeen, wanting to be the first one to wish you happy birthday before slipping inside of your room in the middle of the night, only to fall asleep seconds later, huddling your sheets?

Did you make that up? Was that not him in the first place?

And maybe, there is a discrepancy between the dream you’ve made up in your head with him, the idea of you two staying together, trying to fix the view he has on the world you two live in, but at the end of the day, none of it was a lie.

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right; you should change the way you view things to match Chenle’s better, because at the end of the day, maybe you’re the one too blinded by the gold and silver around your neck to see the real issue here.

August 2, 2020 – Lehai Villas, Baicheng, China, 10:15 PM

When you finally see Zhong Chenle after the night he kicked you out of his bedroom, both of you are a mess.

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense. Your dress is neat, the jewelry on your neck was carefully picked out days before, the heels enveloping your feet are one of the most comfortable ones for you to walk in, since you prepared yourself for being on your feet the whole evening. Your makeup is fixed on your face, earrings dangling off your ears and your purse matches the outfit perfectly; your hair in a fancy updo that you even drove to a hairdresser for, all so that you could look flawless for another one of your parent’s gatherings. Their business partner’s son is turning 21, and while it doesn’t look like that big of a deal, they are celebrating the fact that Mark Lee is now one of the shareholders of their company– and in your world, this is the most moving moment of the child’s life.

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense– you keep looking around, restless, not really paying attention to anything anyone is saying. Aimlessly humming and picking at the skin of your cuticles, you try hard to both catch a glance of your friend, and to also avoid him at all costs. The reality that Zhong Chenle is a mess too hits you only when you finally see him– his tie loose on his neck, a grunt escaping his throat that you can hear from all the way to where you are, his walking a little wobbly and his hair messy as he runs his hand through the sprayed-down locks, his composure disheveled and so obviously out of the place.

And you want to stay away, you really do– to let him deal with his own things by himself, to pretend you weren’t cautiously looking for him all evening– but when he picks up another glass of alcohol from one of the tables and downs it in one go, cheeks getting rosier by the minute, you wonder how far you can let him go until he gets into trouble with his parents; and suddenly, you’re on your feet, just like you expected, dragging your figure closer to the one you’ve been trying to avoid.

“Don’t you think you’ve drunk enough?” you mumble when you appear behind him, his shoulders slouching at the tone of your voice. When he looks around and catches your eyes, he snickers to himself, shrugging, before he makes a face full of disgust at your remark.

“We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” he says, “Mark Lee’s a big man now, taking all the responsibility for a company that’s so great, and he loves the job so much,” he continues, over-exaggerating every word, “and we’re here to celebrate his birthday! Have you… seen the motherfucker anywhere, by the way? Would wanna congratulate him on… the thing…” he trails off, dramatically scratching his head as he speaks the last words.

“Chenle–”

“Right! We are celebrating a guy we don’t even know, or seen the whole evening, but that’s so great, because at least we have all this alcohol–”

“Okay, you’re getting out of here,” you snap, shaking your head at his antics and digging your nails into his forearm, dragging the boy out of the crowded place before he throws a tantrum. With how his voice was getting louder and louder, a few figures turned to watch your exchange, and you can’t imagine the turmoil this will take on him once his parents find out– it’s better to get him out of there before he messes up even more badly.

His feet stumbling on the stairs outside, he mutters something under his breath as you drag his half-limp, half-stubborn body through the enormous land. The gardens are full of fairy lights and adults talking to each other in hushed whispers, laughter erupting out of their put-together figures every now and then, and you take some time before you finally manage to find a silent corner in one of the carefully mowed gardens, Chenle’s complains silencing after a while, admitting his fate.

Carelessly throwing his body towards one of the benches, the lighting dim in the corner, you watch as he takes a seat and looks at you with defeated eyes, the emptiness behind his gaze breaking you on so many levels you didn’t even think you could master; Zhong Chenle is a mess– has been a mess for a while now, and you didn’t notice– you didn’t do anything about it until now.

“What happened to you?!” you yelp out, voice betraying you somewhere towards the end of the sentence, sounding more desperate than you intended. Eyes scanning over his slouching body, you notice him playing with his fingers in his lap, an action of calming himself down that he’s picked up after you slapped his hands every time he tried to bite on his nails growing up, and you take a few steps around the place, running your fingers through your carefully styled hair.

“Don’t scold me like my mother,” Chenle grunts, rolling his eyes at your composure.

“No, Chenle, because I don’t get it,” you shake your head, looking him dead in the sparkless eyes, “I do not get it.”

When he offers you no explanation, rather just gazing your whole body up and down, eyes half-lidded, you presume he’s a bit out of it– the alcohol truly hitting his system now, making you result in a little tangent of yourself, because you presume everything’s better than his parent’s scolding, and maybe he just needs someone to wake him back to reality. “What happened, Chenle? What the actual fuck is going on lately? You don’t speak to anyone about it, you don’t tell me, out of all people–” a snicker leaves his lips to this, making you huff in frustration, “you don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling, and it’s eating you up from the inside, and believe me when I say, Chenle, it’s pretty damn heartbreaking to watch.”

Looking at him, you’re offered nothing but silence. His cheeks are rosy and puffed up from the alcohol, his frame is small– opposed to the power stance he usually takes– and you don’t think you’re getting a conversation from him any time soon. Ready to give up, you shake your head at him and scoff. “Okay, fine. You don’t have to talk to me, since you have an issue with the fact that I care about you more than I should,” you snap, agreeing to be petty with him, if this was how he was gonna play.

“I don’t talk to any of you, because you wouldn’t understand,” he says, voice almost a bit annoyed, tongue dipped in bitterness.

“We grew up together, Chenle. Our lives are pretty much the same, why the fuck would you think that I, out of all people, wouldn’t understand?”

“See, that’s the thing,” Chenle catches you off guard, charming in with an argument barely before you are able to finish the sentence, “our lives are pretty much the same, yet you love it. You fucking love it, all of you do– you love waking up in your little fancy bedrooms, doing great at school because if you don’t, your parents are going to threaten you with disowning you– and what else do you have if not your parents wealth that you coincidentally, also despise at the same time? You go shopping to your favorite mall with your equally wealthy friends, because you’re not allowed to befriend people that are lower class– that would just look fucking embarrassing in front of your parents’ contacts, wouldn’t it? You go to charity events and birthday celebrations of a guy you’ve never seen in your whole life before, just because someone told you to– and don’t you dare tell them you won’t go, because how the fuck are they gonna look all pretty in front of their business partners if their only son doesn’t attend a celebration of someone inheriting a share from their parents’ company– a thing you’re supposed to do as soon as you turn 20, if you don’t attend university they picked out for you instead. You go on fancy holidays and take pictures in front of all the attractions, and it doesn’t even feel special anymore, because you do this every month– and the only time you ever felt alive was when you were drunk and making out with someone that you shouldn’t even think about in that way in the first place, because it’s your parents’ friends’ daughter, and at the end of the day, they would just love the fact that we were together, because that could strengthen the business bond they have– the only reason why they’re friends in the first place, and I’m so fed up, I hate it, I despise it–” he stops to take a breath, his eyes getting glossy,

and suddenly, you’re helpless, you’re falling apart– because the issue is so much bigger than you anticipated and you don’t know how to do anything about it.

“And I don’t fucking feel real, Y/N, I don’t, and I don’t think I ever have, because I just wake up in the mornings and then somewhere along the way, I realise I’m alive and I laugh, because how could all of this be real? How could the money be real? How could anything be real, and– and it’s so confusing, because I should be grateful, but I’m not, because I can’t even fully grasp it,” he breathes, tears now streaking down his cheeks.

It feels like the whole world stopped for a moment; it feels like you are in a movie and someone pressed pause. You stare at him, you blink, and you pray for something to send you strength to deal with this, to tell you what to do or how to comfort him– because this must have felt so alone, and you can’t stand the image of Chenle ever being lonely.

Opening your mouth and closing it, you gasp for air. No words feel suitable for this kind of conversation, and so you just chime towards him– despite all your best assumptions– and hold him. Because at the end of the day, what helps more to ground someone back to earth than human touch?

Pads of your thumbs wipe at the teardrops strolling down his cheeks, every contact with the salty liquid hurting you, cutting through your skin like razor blades– because Chenle never cries, he never feels like something is worth indulging in enough to bring him to tears– and when he catches his trembling bottom lip in his teeth, you break; pulling him towards you and threading your fingers through his hair, the action once lullying him to sleep now used like a broken mantra– please be okay, please relax, please let me hold you until you’re glued back together again.

“I dunno what to do,” he shrugs, his head resting on your stomach, voice burrowing itself into the fabric of your expensive dress, “dunno where to go. ‘Cause Jun’s leaving, and Yizhuo’s gonna be busy with everything, and– and you’re moving across the fucking ocean, and I’m just– I turned everything down, because–” he says, voice breaking, and you shush him with a pat on his back, touch growing more affectionate.

“It’s okay,” you hum, “I got you,” you say; words he once told you at the golf cart, looking after you, or in the hotel room back in Japan when you were 6 and falling asleep, still scared of ghosts appearing in your bedroom– and you believed them, you always did, because Chenle was always there when you needed him– so you only pray he finds comfort in the sincere phrases, because what more is there to offer him?

His breathing grows steadier as you continue to play with his messy hair, his hands gently allowing themselves to wrap around your thighs, your standing figure shelved between his legs, and he laughs to himself, the whole situation kind of ironic to him now. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. ‘m kinda numb, you know, so it doesn’t even really hurt in the first place,” he says, and you wish you found the same humor in it than he did– or at least the bitter sense of soothing yourself with irony– but you can’t. Looking down at his body, latched to you like a lifeline, you wonder how you could ever leave him there alone, to deal with the burden by himself. How could you ever move so far away from him?

“My parents wanted me to go with you,” he starts, the sentence sparking up something inside of you, but he doesn’t pull away and meet your eyes when he continues, foreshadowing a sad ending to your hope, “they said I should study business at Yale as well, that it’s a great opportunity.”

You don’t reply to him, choosing not to push him. After a sigh, he continues. “And I didn’t get in, because, naturally, I was too stupid for it in the first place– no, I was–” he says when you gently slap the back of his head at the comment, “but then they paid the dean and suddenly I was allowed to go. Can you believe that?” he snickers bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Bad mouthed you for a thing I despised in myself, when you were the one that got in fair and square in the first place.”

“‘s okay,” you mumble, compassion dripping off your words.

“And I turned it down, ‘cause I hated the fact that they did that. I was okay with studying the fucking business program, even though I despised it, I was okay with moving across the world, because at least you’d be there, y’know, but I couldn’t bear the fact that they did that to get me in. I think I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, because they had to pay for me to get there, but– I don’t know…” he trails off, and you sigh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“It’s okay to take opportunities that are presented to you, Lele,” you mumble, “I know you hate it, but you can’t change who you’re born to. The best you could do is to not waste all of this,” you say, trying to find a source of light in the deep abyss of his thoughts.

You try hard to solve the problem– to offer him a solution that could work, that could let him forget about the pain for at least a second– to wake him up from whatever deep thinking that got him into this mess. You try hard to solve the problem– but you don’t know how to deal with it. All you know is that you’re trying to pick up the patterns; you’d fit in his skin if you could, you’d crawl in and fix everything– but at the end of the day, as Yizhuo said, the only person you can fix is yourself.

“Bought,” he says, fixing your mistake, “opportunities that were bought for me. I couldn’t do it,” he says.

Huffing, indulging in a spare second of your own pain– a spare second of the despair eating you up from the insides, the helplessness you’ve been feeling ever since you were forcefully kicked out of Zhong Chenle’s life– and you didn’t even tell him you loved him in the first place before he got stuck in the fire of the woods; before you two started acting like it didn’t matter and always ended up in feuds– you mumble a comment, voice barely louder than a whisper, but he can hear it because of the closeness of your bodies in the few stray raindrops that come over you two once the clock strikes midnight.

“We could’ve lived together, you and me,” you say, “us against the whole world,” you comment– a childlike yearning spilling out of your lips, “we could’ve gone to Yale together and you’d figure something out along the way. Maybe– maybe you’d find a purpose if you moved, we could–”

“Y/N,” he shushes you, uttering out your name, finally breaking away from you as he looks up and gazes into the swimming pools of your eyes, shaking his head with a faint smile, “‘s okay. It wouldn’t have fixed anything anyway, it– it wouldn’t have helped.”

“But–”

“You can move, Y/N, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re taking yourself with you.”

August 20, 2020 – the backyard of your childhood house, Shanghai, 11:11 PM

You were never really that good at science– sure, your parents demanded you get good grades in every subject and your private school put quite the pressure on your education, but even though you always managed to pull satisfactory marks in exams, your understanding of the logistics sometimes lacked; you were much better at humanities or business-related courses, hearing enough at family dinners to find out your way through the lectures and apply the facts into examples from real life.

So, if anyone asked you how many stars there were in the universe, you wouldn’t be too confident in your answer. You wouldn’t know how to apply the Milky Way as your model– since it was said that it has around 100 billion stars alone– and multiply the part by the amount of galaxies in the universe– approximately 2 trillion– to get a number somewhere close to 200 billion trillion, also called 200 sextillion.

You wouldn’t know how to do any of that, or how to even count this amount without a calculator, so you’d take a more liberal arts approach– literary, even– and say, that on August 20, 2020, at 11:11 sharp in your backyard, gazing on to the deep, dark sky and wishing for a star to fall so you could propose a selfish wish that could change everything, there’s still not more stars there than in Zhong Chenle’s eyes when your gazes meet after your friends leave for the evening, leaving you with your neighbor completely alone.

And it’s strange, seeing him like this– maybe because you didn’t even realize how used to the dull and emotionless Chenle you’ve been all this time– but it warms something inside of your heart as you take a hesitant step towards him, the first one out of the whole evening, and take a seat next to him in the corner of your terrace, sighing to yourself.

“You actually came,” you note, seeing as he turns to you and furrows his eyebrows at you in confusion.

“Should I not have? I mean, by the text you sent me, it seemed like you wanted me here, but if I misread the situation, I can go…” he snickers, teasing you just the slightest as he nudges you to your side.

You hum, shaking your head in disapproval. “No,” you say, “I just… I dunno.”

“Expected me to ignore you?”

“Kinda,” you admit, snickering.

“Damn,” he giggles, “that’s fair, though. Considering the previous events, and all.”

Rolling your eyes at his composure, finally getting used to the old Chenle– the one that teases you over the smallest things, the one who doesn’t let his emotions show in his face– you watch him as he takes a seat on one of the rattan sofas and you follow him, body slouching next to his, feeling his head gently rest on your shoulder in the mere moment of silence between your two figures.

“Wouldn’t let you leave without seeing you for the last time,” he says, voice quiet and vulnerable, “god knows when I’ll see you again.”

“Chenle–”

“Just because you don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not real,” he snickers, already knowing where your words are going– you’re going to try to stop him, tell him you don’t want to think about it right now, on the last evening at your house for the near future.

“I’d rather not think about that, y’know,” you huff, frustrated. The anxieties of leaving everything behind are clenching on your insides right now, holding you back from moving freely and with enthusiasm, and you wonder– if you knew how this would feel all those months ago– if you knew how terrifying and painful the whole process could be, would you still apply to Yale? Would you still want to go?

“Okay,” he dotes, tone of voice casual, like it’s not a big deal.

“Okay? Just like that?” you snicker, surprised at how easily he gave the topic up.

“Yeah. Don’t wanna make you sadder.”

Sitting in silence, you realize there’s so many words you’d like to say to him. You’d like to tell him just how much you’re gonna miss him and how you regret ruining the last few months you two had together, and how you’re sorry your feelings scared him to the point where he felt like he had no one to confide in. You’d like to tell him how you built a future with him in your brain, carefully placed him into your reality, only for him to break away from your grasp and go his own way, and how much it hurts, but how you’re always going to support him in whatever he chooses, because you care for him more than your little heart could take. You’d like to tell him how you’re gonna call him every day to check up on him, how you’re gonna send letters and press a secret kiss to each sheet of expensive paper you’ll get downtown, wishing he could feel the essence with the growing distance between you two. You’d like to ask him to visit you often– he’s gonna have more time on his hands, and god knows money’s not the issue. You’d like to selfishly tell him you find it hard to deal with the distance, and how you wish he wouldn’t find somebody else while you’re gone, and how you so dearly hope that somewhere in there, your feelings are silently reciprocated, but hidden away in fear of everything falling apart once again.

But instead, you don’t say anything. You tend to wait for him to speak up first– he’s always had a problem with talking too much in the first place, after all.

And he does– you can still predict his next moves. You know him that well.

“I’m gonna miss you, though,” he sighs, catching you off guard by saying something from the list of your silenced words, “don’t think that I won’t. Or that the way I’ll miss you is different than the way you’re gonna miss me,” he speaks, tone of voice laced in honesty and sincerity, his words heavy with the essence of what he’s never going to say out loud– or so you think.

“In what way?”

“I’m not gonna miss you like a friend misses a friend,” he says, “and I don’t mean the sex,” he snickers, brightening the mood with his comment.

Rolling his eyes at him, you feel him lift his head up from your shoulder, forcing you to look at him and meet his starry eyes again– the damn starry eyes that always make you spill the truth, because god knows you cannot lie to him– and you find yourself scanning his features, the structure of his bones you fear you’re gonna forget when you’re away, so desperately wanting to lock your lips with his for one last time, because when you come back one day, you may not have the right or chance to do so anymore.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, not a hint of teasing in his voice.

“You know why, Chenle.”

“Can you say it out loud?” he demands, and you shake your head– maybe it's best if the words are left unsaid. Doesn’t matter if they’re hanging in the air, for everyone to read.

“Why?”

“You know how I feel about you,” you snicker, “don’t make me say it out loud.”

Because even if you told him you loved him, it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make it all better, it wouldn’t make it all good– no matter how hard you wish that it would.

“Okay,” he nods, agreeing too fast again– and with that, he smiles, the gesture so soft and sudden, and there you are– you’ve got a caving heart in your open arms, and Chenle takes it, carelessly choking out the hushed confession, “I’m in love with you. If you don’t say it, I’m gonna, because… you deserve to know.”

Heart sinking into your stomach, you watch him, frozen in your place, for a while. Your eyes carefully scan every curve of his face– the curve of his lips, the curve of his cheeks, the hood of his eyes, his brows, the thousand stolen galaxies in his orbs and mouth glistening like honey, inviting you in. Snickering under your breath, you choose to not give in to the temptation.

“You’re only saying that because I’m leaving tomorrow,” you say, shaking your head.

“Maybe,” he agrees.

And you know that– you know that if you weren’t leaving, he wouldn’t tell you that he loves you. He wouldn’t allow himself to be this vulnerable, he wouldn’t tell you how he feels about you, because he had all this time– all those months and weeks spent with you in his bed, and you know his touches weren’t just shallow desire– and he never once said anything. He didn’t do anything about it, and now that there is nothing more to do about it, nothing that could change the trajectory of either of your lives, he chooses to speak it to the universe; because it doesn’t change anything, it can’t possibly do so– and so he doesn’t have to fear the consequences, he doesn’t have to fear the attachment that comes with such confession.

And for a minute, you think it’s selfish. You think it’s laughable, ironic, even, but you accept it.

His hand reaches for yours, interlocking your fingers with his when he launches you forward into him, arms gently enveloping your body when your head settles itself to the curve of his shoulder. You stay like this for a while, in his hold again, breathing in his scent and trying to remember it for weeks and months before you’re able to smell it again, letting out a nosy question out of your lips– and truly, you don’t know why you do so, when you know the answer to it already anyway. Maybe you just want to hear it again.

“So… you do have feelings for me too, after all?”

He stays quiet for a while, before he softly laughs into your hair. “Yeah,” he nods, “but it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re leaving for Yale tomorrow, aren’t you?”

And he’s right– you are. Thinking for a while, feeling him place a shy peck to the crown of your head– the only kiss you two allow yourselves at this point of time– you come to the conclusion that even though you love him, care for him like you’ve never cared for another before, you wouldn’t change a thing about your plan– wouldn’t change the trajectory of your whole life, wouldn't stay in Shanghai, wouldn’t drop out of university, wouldn’t stop everything because of him, because in a way, you strangely have it all figured out.

And he doesn’t.

And you pray that one day, he’ll find the purpose in all the potential he holds in his hands.

#nct dream #chenle #nct #nct x reader #chenle x reader #chenle angst #chenle fluff #chenle oneshot #chenle fic #chenle imagine #chenle fanfic #chenle best friends to lovers #chenle au #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct angst

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taylorswiftstyle · 8 months

Text

MTV Video Music Awards | September 12, 2023

Versace custom gown (pictured similar)

As is her way, Taylor can only be consistently expected to do one thing: subvert expectations. Swiftly (some might say) bypassing an opportunity to plug any of the three albums she’s either released, or is on the precipice of releasing, she went straight to a very reputation-coded Versace gown. The likes of famed supermodel lore or legendary Liz Hurley status. It’s sexy, it’s slinky, it’s very distinctively signature Versace - using Medusa-embossed buttons in a pseudo snap closure style instead of the more overt safety pin (this detail continues on the strappy open criss-cross back all the way down the back to the end of her train, which is worth a look on its own).

I personally love a classic Versace look such as these. They’ve been done, and done a lot. But I can’t fight a classic sexy siren gown like this. The decision to forego Taylor’s signature red lip, I think, is a smart one that prevents the look from going too overboard. In my opinion, the styling choices were either pile on the jewels or pile on the crimson lip. And Taylor/her team went for the former - something that’s atypical of her style. The mussed hair with the trailing pieces left out of their updo feel “roll out of bed” intimate and sensual and feels akin to the curly bangs from the reputation photoshoot. But I can’t help but think an uber sleek blowout could have been great here.

If indeed a nod to reputation, I’ve always seen that album as one of two diametrically opposed forces: the external perceptions of who you are vs the internal realizations of the life you’re quietly building. To use a dress with so many asymmetrical details (the bodice, the straps, and even in the movement of the button detailing literally splicing her in half) as an embodiment of that would be quite appropriate. It’s also a smart use of a brand’s signature design details to (possibly) use for your own means.

Not to mention this is precisely the kind of dress at least I would envision buying so someone else could take it off.

Worn with: Anita Ko + Maria Tash + VCA + David Webb + Ita + vintage jewelry, Foundrae + Jacquie Aiche + vintage bracelets, and Jimmy Choo sandals

#taylor swift #award #dress #versace #september 2023 #mtv vma

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noroi1000 · 1 year

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could i request a gojo x yn where yn is a famous supermodel while gojo is like businessman mafia and she meets him in a part for influential ppl and some rival of gojo attack the party to catch gojo but can't do it and to save y/n gojo takes her with him in a hurry to make sure she's fine ( bro fell in love at first sight while y/n doesn't really care bcs yk very hard to be impressed type of lady ) but a plot twist in this setting sort of is that there has been cases of many murders recently and the serial killer is impossible to catch ( the killer is y/- ok yes u get it but she killed them bcs she ruined her family or sum like that so our baddie is taking revenge ) well this is a dark theme dark romance request so yep ofc there's dark content and no one knows abt y/n's past at all despite her status no matter how hard they try and gojo after taking her makes her stay with him bcs she's one of the few ppl who saw his face so for privacy purposes and gojo barely finds out abt y/n's "dark deeds" when she throws hints playfully ( she's kinda devious morally grey sort of woman ) and idk what to add much more honestly but yea a smexy romantic love story ( SUB GOJO PLEASE 🙏😍😩 ) and gojo brings her a person to kill every year on her bday bcs she feels "stabby" ( mindfuck book series ref if ykyk ) also ofc y/n continues her career as a supermodel bcs 💅🏼👠. as another personal preference don't make y/n younger as it's uncomfy to me so yeah jsjdndbdnfn

whew this was quite a lot

have a good day !

Beautiful Vengeance

cover by @blvckryx my advisor and friend

paring: Mafia boss Gojo x model reader (killer)

words: 4,7k

warnings: murders, violence, guns, some kidnaping, smut (sub Gojo/dom reader)

Your mother always wanted you to have a good life. That's why when you told her you wanted to be a model when you grow up, she supported you as much as she could. To give you what you might need to make your dreams come true.

Your career took off when you were a teenager. When you were 16, you won a modeling contest, and your name made headlines.

And because you took the victory from one person, your life was about to end...

You competing with a girl whose family was more important than yours. You won anyway thanks to your innate charm, which made you stand in the first place and people considered you a beautiful, future model.

Thanks to this, your career could continue to roll and grow. And you couldn't take that chance.

You've worked so hard. You were the pride of your parents.

But your only opponent was a spoiled female dog who after losing to you all she wanted was to get rid of you.

She was the niece of mob boss Q. A man going by the name Q, who made his living by killing people for hire, dealing drugs and weapons. Even human trafficking. His mafia teams were everywhere.

You didn't know about it until you saw a group of people enter your house.

You were in your room then, and you heard screams and sounds of fighting.

As you quickly made your way down to your parents' living room, all you saw was pools of blood covering the soft carpet.

And three people dressed in black with black masks on their faces. In their hands bloody knives that they used to make your parents lie on the floor with open but dead eyes.

You were sad. You were afraid. You lost your parents. You wanted to cry over their loss. They were everything to you. They loved you, you loved them. You could have lived with them 16 years of your life. And now... It's all over.

Or you die and join them. To shorten your suffering.

But something else popped into your mind. To make them suffer.

You could have died at their hands, or you could have gotten revenge for your parents by killing them.

And you want revenge for the destruction of your life...

So you silently walked over to the cupboard until the opponents saw you, and unscrewing the bottle you let the water flow out of the plastic, soaking the entire floor where one of the people was standing.

You smashed a nearby lamp on his head and stabbed him with the sharpened glass at the end. Throwing the damaged item onto the wet floor, you jumped back quickly, letting his body quiver with the current coursing through him.

You hit the other's neck with your elbow, pulling his head back until you heard a crack.

Such easy ways to kill someone...

You've already killed two people with your own hands. Even if the metallic, disgusting smell of blood was nauseating.

Before you were stabbed by the last man, you took the knife from the dead body, and plunged the bloody blade into his chest.

While his body was still moving, he managed to scratch your head with the tip of the knife, just above the ear. Cutting off some of your shiny hair. Making your ear and the side of your neck covered in drops of blood.

The man in front of you writhed in pain as you pushed the knife hilt towards him, holding the knife in it. Stuck in his sternum in the chest.

Even though you saw the fear of death in his eyes, you felt no regret. Even if he cried and looked at you pleadingly, you showed no mercy.

Just like they had no mercy for your parents.

As he fell to the floor, the knife fell out of his chest, staying in your hand. Covering your hands in scarlet liquid.

When he was twitching and moving away with the last strength, you just walked over to him, and sitting on his stomach, you drove the knife into his heart, slowly watching the life fade from his eyes.

You felt your pajamas soaking in warm sticky blood. However, you didn't let go of the blade as you walked over to your parents and hugged them, not caring how dirty and bloody you were. You slowly and gently closed your eyes and left the house. Heading to a place where you know where a girl used to live surrounding herself with people with "Q" marks on their clothes.

There was a calm expression on your face as you walked straight down the runway, focusing on going perfect. The flashes of the flash bouncing off your eyes. The outfit you're wearing looks so good on you. One of the collections of one of the most famous fashion designers has been selected for you. Alternating with two other models, you go out there, showing the clothes on your body for less than a minute. A then you go back to change into your next outfit, and leave when it's your next turn.

It was your job.

You like it. You are a famous model.

And you don't mind that people only look at what your body looks like.

You go to clothes exhibitions, you take part in advertisements for clothes, cosmetics, nail polishes, jewelry. You are the face of many advertisements.

A lot of people who hire you choose you because you're sexy. And there is mystery in you. And your eyes show killer sexiness.

Your pose is flawless, sophisticated.

Everyone who knew you talked about this mystery in photos and videos. Something obtained without photomontage and without any additional make-up.

And Dark Beauty when you're seen in the ads for the blood red collection. Everything from lips to nails was a rich red.

That color just reminded you of what had happened over the years of your life. You don't care as long as no one knows about it.

Besides, your revenge isn't quite complete yet.

When you were 16, you swore revenge on those who hurt your family and you. You are 23 now. You are a famous model that neither the media nor anyone knows the whole truth about.

Nobody knows anything about your childhood, nobody knows anything about your past.

"Our killer only kills those from Q? Pretty good..." the white-haired man muttered, looking at the lists of names killed by one person this month. Three people. He couldn't feel sorry for these people. Each of them had the symbol of the Q family. How could he worry about the death of his enemies?

"Gojo-san, there's going to be a fashion show party soon with Q's boss."

He looked at the man who had spoken to him.

He stood up, adjusting his white shirt, adjusting the collar. He put on a black jacket and black glasses hiding his face.

"I couldn't miss it. Let's get together, guys. Time to bust some Q's heads."

Upon arrival, Gojo sat in a chosen spot next to the raised stage for models.

Soon after, the lights all around went out. The stage was lit.

This made it difficult for them to find their target.

So they decided to wait until the main banquet and party started to catch their enemies then.

Those who hinder his mafia cannot exist. Creating a business is a daily routine for the great "Six Eyes. And when people who have contracts with him are suddenly found dead with a "Q" burned into their skin, he can't sit idly by.

When he watched the fashion show, he thought it was everything he had seen before. All models the same, with fake smiles, with everything to make them even more attractive to the viewer. In none of them, in his opinion, was one whose eyes reflected the soul. And Six Eyes draws attention to human eyes. He knows people's eyes when they show fear or anger. When they show emotion. According to him, there was nothing interesting in the eyes of these women.

Until you came out from behind the curtain, walking calmly ahead. In an elegant black dress.

Your face showed a certain coldness, but warm at the same time. Your eyes were so mysterious.

White hair caught your attention, and you looked at him once.

And then, the mysterious darkness in your eyes made his heart beat faster.

Despite your emanating true model face, coupled with a nice façade, he felt your beauty was deadly. And he liked it very much. Mysterious danger.

A beautiful cat that can scratch her claws at any time. Even to death.

His eyes sparkled behind his glasses as he felt a little blush appear on his cheeks.

It was the first time he fell in love with someone at first sight.

No... It was the first time he truly fell in love. And he didn't want to lose this chance.

That's why he memorized as many details of your face as possible to catch you at the party after the fashion show. Because he sincerely hoped you'd be there.

Even if this party here may be bloody and trashed tonight.

But the moment everyone heard a few shots and one man fell to the floor lifeless, Gojo knew that this was no time for love or fun for him.

After all, he came here to get rid of enemies in an easy way.

And the orders to anyone who came with him said only: "If you see someone from Q, shoot without hesitation. They're definitely here."

All the people panicked and started to run.

And then each of them took out a gun and started shooting at the enemies.

When the white-haired man saw that you were standing behind the curtain on the stage, without a moment's thought he ran ahead, jumped on the platform and pulled you on his shoulder, to sit behind a meter high and shoot to protect you. His goal in sight has already killed three opponents today.

"What're you-?!" You screamed as you pulled away from him.

You already had a plan to approach one of the Q's from behind and slit his throat!

And he interrupted you.

"Don't be afraid, you won't die." He said to you.

You couldn't see his eyes clearly through his glasses. But you know he's not a cop.

You are in the middle of a fight between mafias.

Arrows started raining in your direction and he then quickly pulled you in front of him, making you kneel in front of him, and he lowered your head to his chest as he bent down so they wouldn't shoot him.

As he knelt, leaning forward, you were underneath his body. That's how he protected you.

You don't know why he did it. But you guess there's a deeper meaning to it.

It was the first time anyone protected you. It was nice of him. Because that man didn't even know you. You only looked at each other once during the show. Few minutes ago!

When there were fewer shots in your direction, you crawled out from under his chest, heading around the narrow stage.

And you, too, reached into your thigh and pulled out a folding knife.

Ignoring the screams of the white-haired man behind you and the shots, you kept walking. Until you finally saw a man with a "Q" tattoo on his neck.

You literally felt the knife sharpening in your hand and you quickly walked over to him without making a sound and smashed the knife into his neck. And then to the side of the head.

You quickly pulled away and sheathed the knife to check for blood. Fortunately not.

You were pulled to your feet by the same man who tried to save you right after all the shots had stopped.

You looked at his face without glasses.

You noticed the beauty and unique vigor of the eyes.

You heard another shot.

You looked to the side to see a dark haired man firing a gun at a man who was sitting with his back against the stage to make sure he was dead. With his head on the side. Because of this, no one could see the hole in his temple and neck, which is why he died.

"That's everyone. None of them managed to escape." He said, addressing the white-haired man. "What about her? Shoot? You don't have glasses."

He pointed the barrel of the gun at you.

You'd love to fight. If only that guy's hands weren't on your shoulders.

"She saw my face, huh... It's okay. We're taking her with us." He said with a smile.

"What?!" you shouted pissed off.

"Baby, you couldn't see my face. It's not against the rules of my Mafia. No one except those closest to me has seen my face or knows my real name. According to the rules, I should kill you or lock you up so you don't tell anyone. However, killing you would be a great loss. You're so beautiful and you got me curious... I don't want to kill someone I fell in love with."

"...Hold on!" You screamed as you pushed him, but he only held you tighter.

"Come on. I just have to admit there's something mysterious about your eyes. What you show on stage is not the real you, is it?"

"Fuck off!"

"Aw, honey..." he mumbled sadly.

He started to drag you by the wrist to the car. And even though you kept leaning against you, when the other man helped him to immobilize your arms, you were put in the car and he got in right behind you. The door was closed.

You noticed the black window in front of you, separating you from the driver.

That's good. Maybe you can kill him.

When he looked away for a moment, you put your hand under your dress, pulling your knife from the belt on your thigh, and suddenly jumped into his lap, putting the blade to his throat.

"Hey, baby, this is how you repay me for helping me? Understand that these are the rules we have." He said with a smile, hands raised in front of you.

"I could handle myself." You growled.

"Such a dangerous, beautiful woman. What part is the real you?"

"Who are you?! Someone from Q?!"

"Slow down a bit. Actually, it's like I'm taking you, so I should be the one asking the questions. But okay. I'm Six Eyes. Mafia boss. And when it comes to Q, I'm their biggest adversary."

You wondered if you should trust him. He didn't seem threatening now. Also, there was no Q anywhere here.

Holding the knife to his throat, you hesitated for a moment on what to do.

This caused his hands to quickly pull you down to the seat. His both hands held your wrists while his hips touched your ass as you lay on your stomach.

"If I was from Q, I'd rather kill myself than be there. And besides, everyone from Q would pay no attention to anything. They would just tie you up, rape you, kill you, and then dump your body in a ditch. Did I do that?"

"If you tried, I'd castrate you." You growled.

"Dangerous. I like it. However..." he let go of your wrists and sat in his place, giving you space. "I don't know if you could do something for me. I must admit your ferocity and hostility is strong. But let's say I'm the Mafia boss and you're the model."

"Do not underestimate me..."

"So tell me, (y/n) (l/n), why shouldn't I underestimate you? Tell me something about you. Because you are famous, but your biography is not known by anyone."

You were locked up in the large villa that was his home for several days. Why? Because he didn't want to lock you up in your old garages. He didn't want you gagged and bound while you sat there for who knows how long.

Your relationship was closer because you liked him. However, there was still some tension between the two of you.

Him, the annoying, selfish asshole and egotist who spoke to you the way he wanted to, and always came in when you least expected it.

He was able to come to you in the bathroom while you were taking a bath.

And he joined you.

That's why things became intimate between the two of you quickly, even though you weren't even a couple. You could just be considered friends now.

And you both liked the relationship you already had.

Nothing changed for the next two weeks.

It doesn't matter how many times you hit him with a pan until he finally let you go.

Of course he didn't because he acted like a child after being hit on the head with a pan. He pretended to cry.

You took good care of him and checked him for any head injury. Everything was fine. So you didn't have to worry.

And then he wouldn't let you get out of bed, wanting to make you feel guilty for doing it.

He was lying on your stomach, making you rub and stroke his head because it hurt. And it was your fault.

You apologized to him, and what else were you supposed to do?

It was your revenge for him locking you in here. And for skipping one of the most important performances where you were supposed to show clothes on stage. However, you couldn't complain, because as compensation for your lost money, you received from him a wardrobe worth half a year of your work. Or even more.

If only he was still good at sex, then you wouldn't complain so much. Because your partners were terrible. It's as if they couldn't do anything.

Besides, you've also been given a luxurious house that you have to live with him anyway.

"Come on. I already apologized to you..." you said, running your fingers through his white hair.

"But it hurt..." he said, pretending to cry.

"You don't even have a trace of it. There isn't even a bump on your head."

"But it still hurt...

"You've probably watched the ball through your opponents more than once, right?"

"Not at all..."

"You're in the mafia, Satoru..."

So yes, he told you his real name with the idea that you can't leave him and leave his house anyway. So your names were used by you on a daily basis.

"I've been in the mafia since my mother gave birth to me. I took it from my father... Besides, nobody ever shot me. Because I shot faster and more accurately than they did. When I was 15 I killed a spy who was looking for our weak point in our defense." He laughed, purring as your fingers swirled in his hair.

"So you had a bloody childhood too?"

"I doubt you shot anyone when you were a teenager." He laughed. "How old are you anyway?"

"I'm 23." You replied.

"Same as me! You see? We are made for each other!" He stood up suddenly, looking at you with sparkles in his eyes.

"Apparently you have a headache." You laughed as you saw him quickly lay down on top of you again. "Come on. Come, let me stroke you a little more."

"Which means you had a bloody childhood?"

"Do you really want to know? Don't you prefer that I leave my mysterious eyes?"

"You're smart and cold, or so you think. At fashion shows and commercials, you change it to a mysterious and sensual façade. However, you can care for someone else."

"I hit you with a pan. Is this supposed to be taking care of someone?"

He laughed slightly.

"It was different. Because I don't forbid you to be aggressive. I understand that you hate me. But now you're stroking and hugging me. You wash me while I wash you. We are not such enemies. Can you say we're lovers?"

"I don't know. But when I was 16, I also did something that probably no other model has ever done." You laughed.

He looked at you for a moment, analyzing what you said.

And 7 years ago, almost 10 people were murdered. And from that moment on, the murders of everyone in the Q group and family began. Starting with some of the closest ones from the family of the boss himself.

And these murders continue to this day. The murderer is impossible to catch because no one knows who he is. The gender of this person is unknown. No one knows what his goals are in these murders.

"This knife... You..." He looked at you questioningly.

"I have a knife scar under my hair. And the blood stains are washing off the skin." You said softly. "You can beat me if you know the truth now. If you think I'll be in the way or I shouldn't kill people like them. But remember that if you try, I will try to protect myself."

"You know it doesn't matter to me We may even be partners in crime. Because this is the woman I fell in love with at first sight." He hugged you, holding you tight.

Your actions for revenge are not ridiculed by him. On the contrary. He supports it.

And he promises that everyone from Q will die.

Because he fell in love with mysterious dark eyes. Eyes that from the beginning hid something murderous. So beautiful.

Just like all of you.

Your relationship was like lovers and enemies at the same time.

Or was it more like partners in crime now?

Dark lovers who don't care about the lives of their enemies. You has a mafia boss, the famous Six Eyes, wrapped around your little finger.

You guided him. His heart.

Such a powerful man was so small and sweet to you. So submissive.

That's why you could give that big little boy what he wanted.

You were still riding his cock until you were out of breath that night.

Or rather, his breath.

When you wonder if he's good at sex, you thought he was going to be average.

However, it is different.

He has a big nice dick.

It really stretches you out. It goes so deep. It hits all the best places.

You could barely feel the thin condom against his thick length as your pussy slid over him, lovingly inviting him into your tight warmth every time you lowered your hips.

His arms were bound with the string you found. It felt so good in his muscles.

He couldn't move while you scratched his arms and bit his neck.

You were riding him, making him moan. His hips pushed upward to meet your warmth. Your hand on the back was catching his balls and you were squeezing the skin in your palm. You pinched his thighs. You ran your hands over his lower abdomen, running your fingers along the veins running down his pubic bone.

Your fingernails ran over his chest, occasionally grazing his nipples.

While riding him, you massaged your clitoris to make you come faster. And you smiled as you watched as his head was thrown back as he red-faced moaned at the feeling of your pussy sucking him. His chest heaved rapidly.

His cock twitched inside you.

And then you pulled it out of you, leaving it out in the air. Only with a thin condom on it.

He moaned as your fingers tightened on the base of him, not allowing him to come.

It was his first ruined orgasm you gave him.

And you think he was always driving during sex. He was downstairs now, but he didn't protest. This guy just needed someone to dominate him the right way.

Very slowly and unbearably, you took the condom off him as the precum began to form a transparent puddle in the sperm reservoir.

Leaning down to his red cock, you kissed his head, listening as he moaned, his hips jumping as he felt a sudden touch against a sensitive part of his body.

He was so red and sensitive from a ruined orgasm. It was so cute.

You sat on his hips, and rubbed your pussy against his length, pressing his shaft against his muscular belly.

At the same time, you pulled his face down to your chest, doing something he always did when he saw you shirtless. You put his head in your breasts and he immediately started sucking on your nipples. Feeling the softness of your skin.

Soon after, he started moaning again and you stopped touching his cock again. If he wasn't tied up now, he would grab the length of it and start stroking himself to feel relieved. But alas, his hands were tied. There was nothing he could do and he was at your mercy.

You pressed your fingers against it again. Ensuring not one drop of his cum will come out of his tip. He couldn't come yet.

You want to see him throw his head back and moan when he wants to cum so much.

You sat on his cock when he didn't have a condom on, and he hissed through his teeth at the hot and tight feeling when he had nothing to separate your insides from his sensitive skin.

You grabbed the second condom and ripped open the wrapper. Only then did you get off of him, watching his wet tip drool.

You put the rubber all the way down his length, and then you sat on him again.

Warming his cock until his eyes were glassy and hazy and his face was so red.

As he threw his head back and his shoulders and hips trembled, wanting to start thrusting into you to come, you gave him some mercy.

You started jumping on top of him, smiling as you watched his heavy breathing and closed eyes.

The mighty mafia boss began to moan beneath you. And his ragged moans coupled with light sobs were the cause of his intense orgasm which was a combination of the three he was about to get. His thighs trembled as he came filling the condom inside you, the heat from his fluids pushing his sensitivity to the limit.

As you pulled him out of you, his cock fell soft against his stomach. You took the filled condom off him and tied it, putting the sticky rubber on his abs.

You lay down next to him, untying his hands, letting him pull your body against his.

Your nights together made him unable to resist you. So when you wanted to go back to your dream job, he had to agree.

Two people followed you across the city.

Even if he trusted you not to tell anyone.

He had your secret and you had his.

Little cameras in people's suits let him see what you were doing.

Well, he knew what you would do with those two.

Besides, he didn't feel sorry for them. They were two deserters who ran away from Q to join his mafia.

And he promised you that everyone who is or even was with Q will die.

That's why when he suddenly saw a pool of blood on the other side, he wasn't surprised and didn't even feel sorry for the two people.

Then he saw your face as you held the camera in one hand and your knife in the other.

"Not nice, Six Eyes ~. I don't like being followed. And we'll keep your punishment for that for later, Okay?"

When you said that, he felt a pleasant shiver that passed over his spine. And he couldn't wait for you to come home.

You were his dark queen.

His dark, beautiful queen will have her beautiful vengeance.

Because you will get everything.

Every year, on your birthday, he would take you to one place where the dirty work of killing was often done.

As a surprise, you got one or two high-ranking Q people.

Because his beautiful queen will always get what she wants.

So if you want revenge, you'll get it. In the best way for you.

You are his killer beauty. His deadly love.

#gojou satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x you #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk smut #gojo smut #gojo x reader smut #Mafia boss Gojo #jjk #jjk x you #jujustu kaisen #gojo #jjk x reader #Sub Gojo

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peanutpinet · 4 months

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Love is A Beauty - Mafia! Johnny x innocent, traumatic fem reader - 100th Tumblr Post

A/N: this is the 100th Tumblr Post and I’m dedicating it to another comfort idol, the one that probably heals so many others’ broken inner childhood, Johnny :’)

Was inspired by a Tom Holland mafia fic that I read (was called ‘Call Me King’) and @smileysuh Johnny fic: Lone Digger

Pairings: Mafia/CEO! Johnny Suh x Innocent! Fem Reader

Warnings: cursing, human trafficking, shitty ex-relationship, traumatic events, sexual themes, degrading names, cursing, brutal torture, guns, implied death, fire, burning (not literally), kidnapping, angst :)) I swear there are also some fluff scenes

Summary: Johnny Suh is the CEO of Neo Entertainment Agency which handles multiple celebrities, some of which are actually part of the NCT mafia like the infamous racer, Lee Jeno, the top supermodel/actor, Jung Jaehyun, and even the comedian actor, Hendery.

Despite being in the glamour and gore at the same time, Johnny has enjoyed it all. He enjoys the fame and attention from everyone including girls. Though with the power and attention Taeyong gave Johnny, he never abused his status or power until he met a girl who seemed too pure and innocent to have to work in a shitty place. Little did Johnny know that he would soon find out that love is actually beautiful.

As Taeyong was slowly making a name for himself and his group, NCT, Taeyong knew that he needed several other businesses that would help his members, especially his core members have some sort of cover-up.

While Taeyong is more than grateful that his selected core members never questioned his leadership, Taeyong couldn’t help but want to give his members another career path aside from just being part of the mafia alongside him.

That is how Taeyong, Kun, and Mark decided to build some businesses to allow their core members to explore what they wanted to do. Taeyong mainly focuses on the tech company while also overlooking the entertainment agency, hospital, e-commerce, and several other businesses that took up the majority of Seoul. Mark co-owns the entertainment and publishing agency whereas Kun focuses on the hospital and healthcare.

Additionally, some of the older members like Johnny also co-owns several of the businesses with Taeyong or Mark. One of which is the entertainment agency where they would cast several of their members as actors and public figures like Jaehyun, athletes like Jeno, or even other artists like Ten.

As the years passed, not only did NCT grow as a whole mafia group but their businesses also grew. Almost every other business is associated with those companies under NCT and the majority of fresh graduates wanted nothing more but to be able to intern or even work full-time under one of the businesses that NCT owns.

Even with the amount of businesses that NCT controls, Taeyong doesn’t limit his members to only work for him but allows each of them to explore whatever their likes and dislikes are. What each of them is good at and even allowed them to build their own business just like Johnny built a famous bar and restaurant in Seoul which soon became an exclusive spot where a lot of the upper-class, the richest, and business partners meet one another.

But even with all the fame and fortune that Johnny had gotten from being part of NCT, co-owning some businesses with Taeyong, and even building a business on his own, not once did he misuse his power, fame, and fortune for anything.

Heck, even the employees who work under Johnny consider him to be one of the best bosses they could have asked for. All of his employees aren’t obligated to work overtime if unnecessary and even if they do, he would pay them well. Each employee was given a month’s worth of work leave, health insurance, up to 2 months of work leave, and every other benefit that one could have dreamed of (A/N: honestly me).

But with all that reputation, there was one part of Johnny’s life that he felt wasn’t complete and that’s a relationship. Sure, Johnny has had several flings and one-night stands here and there. Even some women would throw themselves at Johnny which might have attracted him in his early days in NCT but as time passes, Johnny can’t help but be envious of some of his members, his younger members and their long-term relationships; especially when he had a bitter relationship in the past.

Though Johnny isn’t the only member in NCT who wasn’t in a relationship, the thought of how his younger members were doing much better in this aspect left a bitter taste in his mind. Though not everyone knew each other very well despite being in the same team, Taeyong knew all of his members, especially his long-term friend, Johnny, inside and out.

When Taeyong first met Johnny, he was fresh out of college and was working for a well-established modelling agency as a photographer. Johnny was not only doing well career-wise but he was also in a long-term relationship with his then-girlfriend who was one of the models in the same agency he worked in.

But it was shortly before Johnny’s probation ended did he found the bitterness behind all the good things that had happened. He was being framed for sending the wrong photoshoot to a business partner and when he needed his girlfriend the most, he felt betrayal like never before. How his then-girlfriend was the one who framed him and that she was sleeping with a senior editor in the modelling agency.

Ever since, Johnny was broken. He was fired from his job, he was angry at his then-girlfriend but one thing that came out of that probation period was meeting Taeyong and the rest was practically history between the two.

Taeyong was there when Johnny fell, Taeyong was there when Johnny was heartbroken and betrayed, Taeyong was there to help pick Johnny back up into the strong, bubbly, and confident self he once was but just like a broken vase, you can’t completely put it back together like it used to be and that is how Johnny currently is.

While Johnny has slowly grown more mature, loveable, and confident once again. He has yet to open up to any kind of relationship. One of the reasons why he was actually envious of his members who do have healthy relationships. Johnny was too hurt and betrayed to truly see that love was actually something beautiful.

“Apparently I got word that Brams and his men are going to meet up with some people regarding that human trafficking issue that’s been going around” Jaehyun mentioned, grabbing Johnny’s attention

“Well good evening to you too, Jay. You’re done with your shoot today?” Johnny asked, heading over to his mini fridge to grab a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, pouring one and offering the other to Jaehyun

“Yeah. I was done since an hour ago and both Jungwoo and Doyoung told me about their findings. Since Taeyong is out with his girlfriend. You know how he is when he’s with his girlfriend” Jaehyun chuckled, grabbing the drink Johnny just poured

“Yeah, I know. He texted me about having the whole of next week off and handed me a list of the things he wanted Doyoung and me to check out. Just send Hendery, Mark, and Jeno to look at it” Johnny mentioned, brushing off the issue Jaehyun mentioned

“Well, the thing is, they’re meeting in your bar” Jaehyun stated, making Johnny stop drinking the whiskey. “You know Taeyong respects you so much that he refrains from having some of his backup men spy on your bar. But Jungwoo and Haechan found that the human trafficking issue is going to be dealt in your bar. I suggest that we head there to finish it before it escalates more” Jaehyun suggested, Johnny instantly drowning the whiskey

“When is the deal going to happen?” Johnny asked. “This Friday night. Honestly, Taeyong is smart to not have his members be publicly known. We get to have more fun that way” Jaehyun smirked, making the older member chuckle

“Alright. As long as you finish your brand shoot earlier, the drinks this Friday are on me. I’m going to get Yuta, Hendery and Ten to keep a lookout” Johnny mentioned, texting his upper management for the meeting details

“Sure thing, boss. I’ll keep you updated if Haechan or Jungwoo finds anything. Do you need any of the dreamies to go?” Jaehyun asked but Johnny shook his head. “Nah. The kids deserve a break. Especially Jaemin after what happened with his dad” Johnny replied. “And don’t call me boss. I may be as old as Taeyong but I’m not like him”

“Whatever you say, John” Jaehyun waved the older one goodbye

Friday night rolled around sooner than Johnny wanted but he knew that Jaehyun was right. And that he had to act fast before it escalated any further. The past several months, there had been reports of missing young girls who were in college and there were rumours going around that they were either working at a brothel, illegal strip clubs, or even being sold to human trafficking.

Arriving at his bar, both Johnny and Jaehyun were greeted by Johnny’s upper manager, Ted. Because the supposed illegal businessmen hadn’t arrived yet, Johnny dismissed Ted to grab some drinks for both him and Jaehyun along with some light bites.

Because Jaehyun had only been to Johnny’s bar once in a while, he decided to scan the place and took in all the details of the bar until his eyes landed on a certain waitress who looked a bit too young to be working in the bar.

“Yo, John, doesn’t she look a bit too young to be working at a club?” Jaehyun asked, looking over to a young girl wearing the waitress uniform, serving some drinks to old sweaty men

Johnny who was just trying to drink and enjoy his night eventually followed Jaehyun’s gaze and landed on the girl that Jaehyun was describing.

Sure, Johnny might’ve opened his own bar with Taeyong’s permission but that doesn’t mean that he allows just about anyone to work in his bar. And while he doesn’t deal with all the miscellaneous work in the bar, he surely memorises his staff and the girl Jaehyun pointed out was never in any parts of Johnny’s memory.

Instead of confronting the girl, Johnny immediately called another waiter to get Ted and question about the girl whom he learned was technically legal to work in a bar as she was 21+ and the manager mentioned that she was only a part-timer on the weekends since they needed more help.

Right when Ted was explaining to Johnny, he saw one of the old men put their hands on the girl’s bare thigh which scared the girl. Angered at the behaviour, Johnny stood up and stomped his way to the scene before the man could go any further.

“This is an exclusive bar and I make sure that all of my staff are always on their best service. But that doesn’t mean that you could just harass them like this” Johnny growled, gripping the older man’s arm tightly that the people nearby could hear a bone crack

“Especially when it’s an old man harassing a young girl” Johnny grunted, pushing the man that he fell off his chair; the other men around the table started to get up, about to put up a fight when Jaehyun came beside Johnny, shielding the girl

“I suggest you all sit your old sweaty asses down unless you want your old bones to be broken” Jaehyun taunted. “Or shall we call Taeyong? Because he’s the co-owner of this bar and I don’t think he would be pleased that his supposed business partners were in his bar, harassing a girl”

Of course, upon hearing Taeyong’s name, the men instantly cowered in fear and apologised for their behaviour which Johnny scoffs because he knew that they weren’t sorry for what they did but instead, they were scared of what the Taeyong could do to them.

Turning around, Johnny’s stern gaze immediately washed away when he saw the scared girl looking down to her feet and bowed at him; apologising for getting him and Jaehyun involved. Something that Johnny rarely encounters in bars. Even in his own.

“You don’t have to apologise for getting me and my friend involved. They should be the ones apologising to you. Are you hurt?” Johnny asked but the girl shook her head, still not wanting to look at the much taller man

“Hey, my eyes are up here. I’m not going to hurt you so can you please just look at me so I know that you’re ok?” Johnny asked again, this time in a much softer tone

Slowly, the girl lifted her head, her (Y/E/C) eyes met with Johnny’s now soft dark brown eyes. Johnny slowly took in the girl’s appearance in front of him. How her (Y/H/C) hair was tied up and some of her bangs were somewhat covering her eyes. Her eyes filled with worry and anxiousness that made her bite her own lip. “She’s clearly uncomfortable being here” Johnny thought to himself

Unfortunately, before Johnny could ask anything else to the girl, Ted called him and Jaehyun regarding the meeting about the human trafficking issue. “We’ll be right there, Ted. Thanks” Johnny replied, before looking around and spotting Ten, Hendery and Yuta.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to have to leave but can you help serve my friends over there?” Johnny mentioned, his eyes directed at Ten, Hendery and Yuta who were by the corner of the bar

The girl turned and followed Johnny’s direction before going back to face him and nodding; somehow making Johnny smile. “Good. I assure you that they’re fun to be around with. I’ll tell Ted that you’ll be serving my friends tonight and no one else. I promise you that you won’t get in trouble, alright?”

Another nod

“Alright. I’ll see you around then” Johnny mentioned, nudging Jaehyun to follow him as he walked past the 3 younger men. One of his hands patted Yuta’s shoulder. “See it that those old men are taught a lesson about touching a girl without their consent” Johnny whispered, Yuta immediately nodded, understanding his member’s request

“Ten, Hendery, the girl who was harassed is gonna come and serve you guys. Don’t scare her. And make sure she gets back to her place, safely” Johnny added, the younger men nodded

Without wasting anymore time, both Johnny and Jaehyun went into the VIP room where true to Jungwoo and Haechan’s findings, Brams was having a deal with an illegal business partner regarding human trafficking.

Angry at their bluntness about women being used to satisfy men, it didn’t take long for both Johnny and Jaehyun to beat both groups to nothing but a pulp. Johnny then had some of his own back-ups to take them back to the NCT base to get more information out of them.

After Johnny and Jaehyun were done, the two went out of the VIP room and met up with Yuta, Hendery, and Ten whereas the other employees were already told to leave early by Ted. “Apparently those old men who were harassing the girl worked for Brams as well. They were selecting some girls to be sold in the human trafficking” Yuta mentioned, making Johnny even more worked up than he already is

“Fucking hell. I promised TY that when I opened my bar, I’d make sure that it wouldn’t ever come to this. How’s the girl?” Johnny asked

“She was very nervous. She was worried that Ted was going to fire her. You didn’t let her know that you were the boss?” Ten asked and Johnny shook his head. “Not exactly. Didn’t think that I would need to”

“Well, you should’ve. The poor girl didn’t even want to leave until she met you but I told her that you were busy and it was past her working time. I also told her that she’d most likely see you more often now” Ten mentioned

“Thanks for making her go home. Wouldn’t want her to see the violence or blood” Johnny spoke, somewhat shocking his members

“Did the Johnny Suh actually care about a girl and not want her to see him being violent or blood on him?!” Ten snickered

“Is that really your main concern right now? There were several groups in my bar, dealing with human trafficking. Hendery, did you get any other information out of anyone in the bar?” Johnny asked and Hendery filled him in on his findings

“I found out from a regular customer that the group Yuta beaten up weren’t the only group that was dealing with Brams’ group about human trafficking. There are other several small groups who are willing to kidnap any other girl to be sold to Brams for human trafficking” Hendery explained

“Yuta, did you get the group or let them off?” Johnny asked. “Of course I brought them back to the base. Just for a little practice session for the new recruits” Yuta replied

“Get whatever information you can out of them along with Ten and Hendery. I need to have a discussion with Doyoung and Jaehyun about this situation” Johnny mentioned

“Oh, by the way hyung, her name is (y/f/n). Just in case you’re wondering or if you want Haechan to dig information about her” Ten mentioned, giggling before he left with Yuta and Hendery

“You’re going to ask Haechan to dig up information about her, aren’t you?” Jaehyun asked, getting into the car with Johnny

“Why on earth would I even do that?” Johnny questioned back, driving off with Jaehyun

“I mean, the way you look at her and defend her says a lot you know” Jaehyun stated, the grip Johnny had on his stirring wheel got tighter

“She’s just some girl, Jaehyun” Johnny tried to avoid the conversation. “A girl that you defended and even spoke softly to. Haven’t seen that in a long time”

“I don’t hate girls if that’s what you’re implying. Plus, she’s different. She seems so out of place. Like, why work there if she doesn’t even try to hide her dislike” Johnny wonders

“See, this is what I mean. I know you don’t hate girls but typically you wouldn't give two shits on other people’s business. Let alone a girl who’s basically as old as the 00 liners. She got you hooked, hyung” Jaehyun chuckled, making Johnny glare at the younger man

“Would you just drop it? She was just a girl who coincidentally was on the scene and a target for human trafficking. The only thing that I’ll be doing is making sure that this shit never happens in my bar. Ever again” Johnny stated, rushing back to the base

It didn’t take long for Johnny to get the information he needed from Brams and the other little group that was involved in the human trafficking issue. The main reason why they chose Johnny’s bar was that there were many well-known business people who needed some young girls for business reasons or even personal, self-indulgent reasons. Additionally, they knew that every staff in Johnny’s bar would never utter any word regarding any dealings in the bar.

Disgusted at their answers, Johnny allowed Yuta and some other members to take their time in torturing the group into getting answers on who their buyers were. Meanwhile, Johnny’s mind wandered off to the scared girl that he encountered. Until a knock on the door caught him off-guard.

“Yeah, come on in” Johnny stated, trying to look over the files of the Brams’ group to make himself look busy

“Hyung, so, Haechan and Jungwoo managed to gather more list on the small groups who are helping Brams, some missing girls, etc” Jaehyun mentioned, coming into Johnny’s office, holding a tab

“Okay, and? Is there anything that I don’t know of? If not then I don’t see the point of the report, Jae” Johnny brushed off Jaehyun’s findings

“Sure about that?” Jaehyun scoffed, sliding his tab right in front of Johnny, the page showing the girl that Johnny helped

“What about her?” Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow and scrolling the tab until he stopped at a specific information that made him grip the tab a little too hard and even slam it on his desk; even scaring Jaehyun a bit

“What the fuck did you mean that she was hired in my club through those illegal bastards?!” Johnny angrily slammed the tab

“None of us knew, John. We almost never handle anything that goes around your bar. But if what Haechan found is true then something ain't right with your staff. You should probably question each of them” Jaehyun suggested but Johnny thought otherwise

“I want all the information” Johnny stated, his tone firm

“Sure, I’m sending you potential information about your staff so you can…” Jaehyun replied but Johnny stopped him

“Not all of them. Just one. Her. I want to know everything about her” Johnny mentioned, turning the tab around to show Jaehyun the girl that they both helped

“Isn’t that like stalking? Judging from her looks and the snippet of history I read, I doubt she’s involved with anything illegal and is pretty much clean. You can just have a civil conversation with her or…” Jaehyun suggested but Johnny was firm

“No. I don’t want to talk with the other staffs because it’s possible that they might be doing it together. But her. Just like you said. She was brought here because of that fucked up group doing illegal trafficking. I want all information about her then I’ll talk to her in a civil way. To make sure what she says is true because she could also be playing along with whoever is doing this dirty work in my bar” Johnny reasoned

“Alright. But I’m telling you. From what I’ve read and what the others have seen of her, she’s clean, man. Don’t scare her too much when you see her” Jaehyun warned

“I’ll be the judge of that, Jeong” Johnny growled

“Well, here you go man” Jaehyun mentioned, handing Johnny a tab with a file already opened. “All information about (y/f/n)”

“Took you a long time” Johnny snickered, taking the tab and reading through each piece of information that Jaehyun got

“Taeyong’s back” Jaehyun pointed out, making Johnny's ears perk up and stop scrolling for a moment. “I’ve updated him about the human trafficking but left out that we found more dirt about it in your bar”

“Shit” Johnny cursed suddenly. “What?!” Jaehyun asked

“Her parents were killed when she was 16 because the human trafficking gang needed a victim to be sold?! She’s just 22 now ” Johnny exclaimed. “Did you not read her information?”

“I’m not the stalker kind of guy. I just know the basic information. I didn’t go that deep and now that you’ve said it, that’s very fucked up. I’ve heard kidnapping and drugging, but killing girls who had parents because they needed a victim is another level of fucked up” Jaehyun mentioned

“And apparently someone in my bar hired her through this fucked up system. I…” Johnny growled, grabbing a glass and pouring himself a glass of whiskey; immediately swallowing the liquid in one shot

“Do you know her schedule?” Johnny asked and Jaehyun nodded

“Good. Find any days when she’s not working at the bar and let me know where she is. I’ll go to her myself. And don’t mention any of this to Taeyong. Not until I get to the bottom of it myself first” Johnny mentioned

“Alright. Just don’t scare the poor girl. You might have bad history with women but not all of them are like…” Jaehyun didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Johnny growled at him. “If you dare to say her fucking name…”

“I’m just saying. Oh and don’t act like a creepy boss who magically got her background information. Just take it easy and talk like you genuinely want to know her. I’ll always be around if you need a wingman” Jaehyun joked

“And if somehow you start to feel something, don’t push away. The poor girl already had a hard time surviving” Jaehyun mentioned

Johnny’s POV

It was the middle of the week and somehow I found myself in a small cafe that was a few blocks away from my bar because Jaehyun told me that (y/n) was also working part-time in the cafe since I found that she was trying to save up for college ever since she was 18.

Walking into the cafe with Jaehyun, I looked around and saw (y/n) cleaning one of the tables in the corner which is the table that Jaehyun and I decided to sit at.

“Excuse me, is it alright if we sit here?” I asked in a softer tone

Turning around, I could tell that (y/n) was shocked to see me and Jaehyun but she managed to hide it well and allowed us to sit down at the table she just cleaned. Before she was about to leave, I managed to catch her attention.

“(y/n), after you’ve brought our order, come and sit with us, alright? I promise you won’t get in trouble” I stated, making (y/n) look a bit scared but she nodded anyways

“Well you’re very frontal” Jaehyun commented at our little interaction

“Well how would you do it, valentine boy?” I scoffed

“Well, I’d lead on the conversation from ordering like what’s the best seller, how long have you been working here. You know, actually make some kind of conversation instead of jumping straight in. She looked nervous. You could’ve smiled at least” Jaehyun pointed out, making me roll my eyes

Not long after, (y/n) came to our table with our order. After placing everything down, I looked back at her to make sure that she wouldn’t leave and turns out she actually obliged and sat beside me.

“A-am I in trouble?” (y/n) finally let out actual words instead of nodding or shaking her head. Her voice was soft but shaky

“No. Of course not” I started. “I’m Johnny. I’m actually the owner of the bar that you’re working in. Sorry I didn’t properly introduce myself last time when I asked you to serve my friends” I added, extending my hand for (y/n) to shake but she was unsure and I put my hand down

“This is Jaehyun. He’s a good friend of mine” I introduced Jaehyun who looked at (y/n) was a softer smile that showed his dimples

“Hey. I’m Jaehyun. You can call me Jay” Jaehyun smiled

“D-do you also work in the…” (y/n) didn’t finish her question but Jaehyun chuckled first. “No. I’m just a good friend of Johnny. He also co-owns an entertainment agency with another friend of ours. I’m an actor and model actually”

“I um, was wondering why did you work in the bar. I saw that you were uncomfortable and while I don’t manage the recruitment process anymore, I would visit every now and then. You know that you’re not forced to work there if you don’t want to” I bluntly told (y/n) who looked down and played with her fingers

“I, I was looking for a simple job” (y/n) started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Just to keep me alive. I wanted to go to college but I couldn’t”

“I worked at this cafe first but it wasn’t enough. One of my friends said I can try to work in the club. It pays well. I’ve been saving up. Sorry”

“There’s nothing to apologise for, sweetheart” I replied but no one said anything after a while

“I, I should get back to work. I’ll do better at your bar, Mr Johnny” (y/n) excused herself, standing and bowing formally to me and Jaehyun

“Just Johnny, sweetheart. And you’ve done nothing wrong. I just said you looked uncomfortable and not that you were doing a bad job” I pointed out

“T-thank you for stopping by and coming to the cafe” (y/n) thanked us again then left to the back room

“Well, that went well, didn’t it, sweetheart?” Jaehyun commented and I gave him a side-eye

“She shouldn’t be working there Jaehyun” I mentioned, ruffling my hair out of frustration

“At your bar?” Jaehyun asked and I nodded “But you heard her. She needs the money and frankly, I will admit, working as a waitress in a prestigious bar brings some good paycheck. Plus, now that she knows you own the bar, she’s gonna know that if she gets a raise or anything it’s because of you”

“Find out what school she wants to study and let me know” I mentioned, finishing my coffee

“Dude, don’t tell me what I think you’re going to do. Taeyong is gonna be onto you. And we have yet to find out about the human trafficking gang that took her and sold her. Heck, they might still be keeping tabs on her or something” Jaehyun pointed out

“One at a time, Jae. I’ll deal with Taeyong. You find the school for her. You know what to do. As for the human trafficking, I’ve asked Yuta and Winwin to look into it since there’s a good chance it was done overseas” I stated

“Damn, Taeyong really has rubbed on you, hasn’t he? You’re one step ahead already” Jaehyun chuckled, patting my shoulder as we left the cafe

“You have no idea. I have Ten and Yangyang to watch over her shift tomorrow and on the weekends. Also update me on any other weird behaviours at my bar while I sort about her working in the bar” I mentioned, taking one last glance at (y/n) who was serving some new customers before going into my car

“Man, I’d never thought to see the day that you would get whipped for another girl in years” Jaehyun commented which I didn’t confirm nor deny his statement

Maybe I was actually starting to get interested in another girl after so long. Maybe…

NCT Entertainment - 2:09 pm (Johnny’s POV)

“Wait, hyung. Let me get this straight. You talked to all of these universities and applied her to them on your own without her knowing, asking each university if they could provide a scholarship for her and even paid for like the majority of her tuition when you barely held a conversation with her?!” Jungwoo commented as he and Haechan were in my office at NCT Entertainment

“I didn’t pay her way into the university. I just sent out her information to the universities to get some scholarships for her and paid the rest. There’s a difference” I replied

“Damn. I don’t think I’ve seen you this interested in a girl since the day I met you” Jungwoo mentioned

“It’s not just you. Everyone who knows about this whole shenanigan is just as shocked. I was when Jaehyun-hyung asked me to dig up information about a girl per Johnny-hyung’s request. I was even more shocked to find out that she has nothing to do with his type of lifestyle” Haechan added on

“Has it been that long since you got laid, hyung?” Jungwoo joked

“You comment about my sex life once more and I’ll tell your girlfriend about how desperate you were to find love that you hacked into Tinder for each girl that swiped match with you only to find out that they were either very underage or over” I threatened Jungwoo who instantly cowered in fear

“Y-you wouldn’t dare” Jungwoo stuttered as Haechan laughed. “That was quite a phase. Especially when you, Jaehyun, and Doyoung-hyung accompanied us and Jeno to Milan. Gosh I was so jealous that they went to a fancy dinner” Haechan mentioned

“So have either of you found something regarding my staff and how the hell did they get involved in the bloody human trafficking activities?” I asked

“Hey, be grateful that I created the system to help us check each of your staff instead of doing it manually or worse, having to confront them one at a time and then you would have to replace your entire staff. Which honestly, now that I’ve said it out loud, you probably should. It’s best that way” Jungwoo pointed out when we heard a knock on the door

“Mr Suh, I ummm, there’s…” my secretary, Vivianne stuttered but a loud shout was heard not long after the door was opened

“Johnny Fucking Suh!!” we heard Taeyong’s loud voice from my office and not long he barged in along with Doyoung and Jaehyun

“You can leave Vivianne. And make sure that no one disturbs us at all” I mentioned and Vivianne immediately understood, closing the door

“Why the fuck is it that everytime I went on a small leave or handling something else, a small group of my members would always be up to something. 00 liners, and now 127? Universe, give me strength when it comes to WayV someday” Taeyong sighed, sitting across me as I eyed Jaehyun who just kept a straight face and shook his head

“Tae…I swear that I have everything under control. We’re looking into the possibility of the human trafficking being from overseas and…” I was explaining when Taeyong stopped me

“Cut the crap, Johnny. That’s not the only thing I’m going to be discussing. One. I gave you the freedom to have your own businesses without my involvement but I hoped that you would at least have one of the other members in it because look at what happened now. Your staff is involved in with the human trafficking activities because none of our trusted members was there to help you with the recruitment process. Two. One of your staff is hired through the human trafficking which indirectly means you’re involved in it if the public ever knows about this. Three. That staff of yours, that girl, seems to have caught your attention so much that I found you paying a hefty amount of money for her college. I’m glad that you’re opening up again but shouldn’t you be handling the human trafficking activities and taking it slow with a traumatised girl?” Taeyong stated

“Tae. I swear I had no idea about the human trafficking being in my bar. I was getting to that with the other members” I replied as the other members just stayed quiet

“I know. I just hope that you would open up more on what’s going on in your personal business with the other members even if it’s not with me” Taeyong replied back

“Honestly, after this event, I intend to do so. Sorry” I apologised but Taeyong shook his head

“There’s no need to apologise. I give my members free permission to do as they please as long as it’s not illegal. But I also want them to involve one another even if it’s not me because if you don’t trust your core members. Then who would you trust? When I started with this group, it took time for me to trust you guys if I’m going to be honest. But slowly, the more I get to know you all, the more I feel that I could trust you and I want that trust to keep going between you all even if I’m not part of it” Taeyong stated “And that goes for everyone in this room as well as our other core members”

“So, you all going to update me about what we have so far or what?” Taeyong stated, making me chuckle

Of course, in the end, Johnny told Taeyong about the current situation. How Brams and some other groups have been having illegal meetings about human trafficking in his bar. How (y/n), one of Johnny’s staff was one of the victims and was hired by a mole amongst the other staff who was part of the human trafficking group.

Though Jungwoo has helped by making a whole system to help ease us in finding the mole amongst the staff, Jungwoo mentioned that whoever was dealing with this illegal business clearly had done it for a long time because every single one of the staff was clean which raised the question on how (y/n) was hired through human trafficking. And the only possible way to know is for Johnny to actually talk to her and be honest.

(y/n) on the other hand, was shocked that one of the colleges that she applied for actually replied back and offered her a full scholarship for her undergraduate. Though (y/n) was confused, she didn’t reject this big opportunity and immediately accepted it.

Knowing that she was fully funded for her undergraduate. (y/n) decided to tell Ted that she would stop working part-time at the bar and she’d just be working at the cafe.

Coming back to her small apartment after resigning from the club, (y/n) had just opened the door to her apartment but she could sense that there was another presence in the place and stopped in the middle of opening her door until she was met with a taller familiar figure. Johnny.

“Sorry I came uninvited and even got into your place without your consent. But we need to talk” Johnny spoke, his voice came out calmer which eased (y/n) enough to close the door

“Okay…” (y/n) breathed out

The two sat in front of each other, Johnny was trying to find his words as he examined the girl in front of him who looked skinnier than he last saw her whereas (y/n) was fiddling with her thumbs; a habit whenever she was nervous.

“Can you tell me how you actually found my bar and who hired you?” Johnny asked

“I, I’ve told you. A friend suggested your bar and the one that hired me is the manager, Ted” (y/n) let out

“Ted?!” Johnny let out a sarcastic chuckle, confusing and scaring (y/n). “Out of all my staff, it had to be Ted”

Johnny took his phone and was dialling Jaehyun when (y/n) spoke again. “H-he saved me”. Johnny ended his call with Jaehyun before the younger member even answered

“What do you mean he saved you? Who did he save you from?” Johnny asked, this time his tone was rougher

“H-he saved me from the bad people. The people that killed my parents. The people who forcefully took me and…” (y/n) started sniffling making Johnny sigh and got up to hug her

Pulling (y/n)’s body to his chest, Johnny patted (y/n)’s back, letting her cry on his chest. The feeling of having someone other than his members close to him was foreign but it brought some comfort and warmth knowing that Johnny was capable of opening up once again.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I just needed to know” Johnny softly uttered, stroking (y/n)’s head

“I’m, I’m sorry. I got your shirt wet” (y/n) sniffled, pulling away but Johnny shrugged

“It’s nothing. Feeling better?” Johnny asked and (y/n) nodded

“A bit. Ever since my parents were killed, I, I had no one. I didn’t know where to go but I know that I should keep going somehow” (y/n) sniffled and it broke Johnny hearing how could the world be cruel to someone so young and innocent

“Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay now. You’re such a strong girl. You didn’t give up even though you could’ve and that’s something to be proud of. Not everyone can do that. Especially under your circumstances” Johnny mentioned, cupping (y/n)’s cheeks. “I’ll take care of them, okay?”

Johnny handed (y/n) his phone for her to key in her phone number which she did. Johnny wanted to make sure that those people would pay for what they did before he fully opened up his heart again.

After making sure that (y/n) was better and even ordering dinner for her, Johnny excused himself because Yuta found that it was an overseas joint business and he was on the hunt for the people. But before Johnny left, (y/n) asked him about something that was lingering in her mind.

“W-was it you? The one who helped me get my scholarship?” (y/n) asked

“Your life was ripped away from you and you didn’t deserve that. You deserve to enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do. I know I’m not involved with those men nor did I have the chance to find you back then but I’m sorry that your life was suddenly ripped away from you. I’m sorry that I can’t bring your parents back. But at least let me help you because I know how it must be when something good is suddenly ripped away from you. Granted I didn’t experience it to your extreme but I know and I was lucky enough to be given a second chance. So should you” Johnny explained but what he didn’t expect was (y/n)’s response to his explanation

“A-are you not just trying to…”(y/n) mumbled. “Trying to what?” Johnny asked

“Trying to sleep with me or…” (y/n) let out but Johnny just chuckled at her question

“Sweetheart. I may own a bar but that doesn’t mean that I sleep around. Maybe I did when I was in my early 20s because I was cocky at the time but I’ve grown out of it and I don’t just sleep with anyone anymore. I actually haven’t slept with anyone in years because just like you, I too have my own trauma” Johnny admitted

“S-sorry” (y/n) apologised but Johnny shook his head. “Nothing you should apologise for, sweetheart. You take care of yourself alright? I’ll see you soon. You just leave those nasty people to me and focus on your studies” Johnny mentioned

“I, I will. T-take care too, Johnny” (y/n) stuttered but smiled as she bid Johnny goodbye which made the taller, older man smile as he left (y/n)’s apartment

The next few days were filled with Johnny and the members looking for the overseas group that dealt with human trafficking activities. Occasionally, Johnny would drop by his bar along with Jaehyun to check up on things and make sure that there weren’t anymore groups that were doing any illegal activities in his bar.

Additionally, Johnny has slowly involved some of his members like Ten, Yuta, Hendery, and even Jaehyun in his bar. Yuta and Ten being the members who visit and look after Johnny’s bar the most compared to the other members.

Aside from keeping tabs on his bar, Johnny also had Haechan keep tabs on (y/n) to make sure that she was always safe, no one was following her or anything out of the ordinary. Sometimes, Johnny would even send a few gifts every now and then to (y/n)’s apartment.

Flowers, some groceries, her favourite snack and coffee, even a fair few things that she had always wanted but could never had. But even so, Johnny had never dared to make any further move since he visited (y/n)’s apartment for the first time. Well, until Jaehyun smacked his older member being the valentine boy he is.

“Dude, I get it that you’re not ready to go into a relationship because of your nutjob ex but like this is getting too excessive. Especially coming from one of the most extrovert members in the group” Jaehyun complained, storming into Johnny’s office after his shoot

“Either your shoot didn’t go too well or is there something else that’s bothering you?” Johnny brushed off Jaehyun’s ramble

“Did you just neglect what I said? I’m saying that you’re being a coward right now and leading (y/n) on but you’re uncertain yourself. It’s not fair for her end, you know” Jaehyun complained, making Johnny sigh

“What are you afraid of? That (y/n) will turn out to be like your ex?” Jaehyun asked but there was no answer from Johnny. “Or are you afraid that you’ll be the one hurting her because of your past?”

“True but not quite” Johnny let out. “I don’t even know if she’s into me. I mean, I was her boss and then I found out that she was a victim from the human trafficking group and I don’t want her to think that I’m just taking pity on her and feel responsible because those groups were doing illegal business in my bar”

“And this is what happens when you haven’t actually dated anyone in years” Jaehyun sigh, sitting in front of Johnny

“What are you now, a love therapist because you’re valentine boy?” Johnny joked

“No. Well, maybe. Only for you though. Seriously tho, why are the younger members having better luck compared to us?” Jaehyun questioned

“Because they’re young? We’re already in our late 20s and honestly, we don’t make stupid decisions anymore. Also because they were taught by Taeyong since they first join so they wouldn’t do stupid things we did when we were their age” Johnny argued

“Well, if you want my advice. Go on a date with her. Get to know her like Jaemin is with the girl he saved from his dad. As messed up as your situation is, his is a next level, I’m not gonna lie” Jaehyun mentioned, recalling the time when he had to help his younger member operate on a girl because of his father

“That was crazy, I’m not gonna lie. I heard that his girlfriend is studying law. Must be a smart couple” Johnny chuckled, drinking some beer

“But for reals. If you don’t want her to think that you’re taking pity on her, just talk to her. Communicate? Hello? You’re like the most social person ever but when a girl finally interest you, suddenly, you turn dumb” Jaehyun nagged

“I, I can’t” Johnny sighed. “You can’t or you’ve forgotten how to? Like it’s not that hard. You already know her apartment anyways” Jaehyun mentioned

“It’s not just that, Jae. You can’t just suddenly ask someone out without making sure that they also have an interest. Plus, we’re still in the middle of looking for the overseas gang” Johnny pointed out, making the younger member rolled his eyes

“Taeyong said that it was gonna take a while. And the only way to know if (y/n) does have an interest towards you is if you go to her and ask. Take the chance while you still can. Maybe you’ll find a thing or two on the gang that took her. I’m not saying you take advantage of her or the situation but it’s a possibility you should keep in mind” Jaehyun suggested

“When did you get smart?” Johnny joked

“When your ex ruined your love life and made you numb” Jaehyun laughed back as the two continued to discuss their mundane tasks

It’s been 2 weeks since (y/n) last encountered Johnny. She didn’t expect to see him after the incident in the bar let alone found out that he was the owner but Johnny somehow managed to get her to talk about her not so normal past and even made her feel comfortable compared to any other people who took pity in her. But Johnny managed to see right through her fake smile and “normal” face.

But it’s been a while since (y/n) actually saw Johnny who popped by her apartment which she needs to address the next time she meet him because even though he was her boss (well, ex-boss), how on earth did he manage to get into her house in the first place.

Sighing, (y/n) just kept a mental note as she opened the door to her small apartment, bringing her groceries which she bought on her way home from campus. Right as (y/n) closed the door and turned around, she held her groceries tightly that she felt a rip on the paper bag as she saw none other than Johnny Suh sitting in the living room, reading a book.

“Goodness, how on earth did you get in here?!” (y/n) exclaimed, trying her hardest to balance her groceries but Johnny immediately rushed to help her

“Honestly? The landlady gave me a spare key when I told her that I was your boyfriend which is a red flag about this place. You sure you don’t want to just move to your campus’ dorm instead?” Johnny asked, helping (y/n) put her groceries away

“It’s quite expensive and while I still work part-time, I don’t think it would be enough. I’ve been living here for the past 2 years and it has been alright so far” (y/n) mentioned as Johnny just hummed

“Y-you kept the flowers and little gifts I gave you” Johnny pointed out, scanning (y/n)’s small apartment

“The flowers were pretty and as much as I don’t want to accept such expensive gifts, I don’t have the heart to pass it to anyone since I don’t really know anyone anyways” (y/n) replied. “Um, not to be rude but why are you here again? D-do you need someone to assist with the weekend crowd?”

“No, gosh no. I’m not letting you back in my bar or club” Johnny blurted, making (y/n) frown. “Well, at least not without me or my members. Anyways, I was thinking. You’re probably confused and nervous but honestly, I was just going to ask you out”

“A-ask me out? L-like a date?!” (y/n) exclaimed, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks

“Yeah. I actually have some free time this weekend. I know surprisingly” Johnny mentioned

“I, I never been on a date. I mean, you probably know my past and…” (y/n) ranted

“I know. Well, I just know the surface level. I was hoping that taking you out would help ease your mind from what happened in your past” Johnny added but (y/n) stayed quiet for a moment. “I promise you that I’m not doing this to take advantage of you to find out about who made you into a victim or in any other way. I just want to get to know you because trust me, I too haven’t been on a date in years”

“That’s hard to believe, honestly” (y/n) admitted, making Johnny chuckle. “It is, isn’t it? We don’t even have to talk about your past or any business or human trafficking issue. Just think of it as if we’re college friends doing a group project” Johnny tried to convince (y/n)

“O-okay…As long as you don’t show up in my place so suddenly like this. I might have a heart attack” (y/n) tried to joke, making Johnny smiled even more

“I would make sure you won’t. Promise. Plus, you didn’t reply to any of my texts” Johnny said in defense

“I, I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was…nevermind…” (y/n) mumbled. “So um, when do you plan to take me out?”

“This Saturday. Let me take you out the whole day and show you how to enjoy your life” Johnny uttered, instinctively holding (y/n)’s small hand in his

Saturday - 09:02 am

True to Johnny’s promise, he would text (y/n) before actually going up to her place which she allowed him to. Johnny wore a simple attire compared to his business suits. Johnny wore a simple white T-shirt with black pants and a denim jacket paired with some casual shoes.

Johnny had just arrived with his black BMW since he felt his other cars might be too flashy and texted (y/n) that he was in front of apartment which she replied that she was on her way downstairs. But when it took more than 10 minutes, Johnny was starting to grow worry that he went out and into (y/n)’s apartment building and saw several men in black waiting for the elevator.

Though Johnny knew that (y/n)’s apartment was filled with all sorts of people, he can’t help but be wary of these men; remembering from his past experiences, Johnny decided to take the stairs up to (y/n)’s apartment.

Somehow, it was exactly how Johnny predicted. Those men were going on (y/n)’s floor but when they spot the taller Chicago man, they quickly turned, avoiding Johnny’s gaze. Unfortunately, before Johnny could get a better look at any of the men, the door to (y/n)’s apartment room was opened, revealing the younger, shorter girl.

(y/n) also wore a relaxed outfit with a basic white graphic T-shirt with some baggy jeans and a quite beaten up sneakers but to Johnny, she looked just as soft and etherial as she is adorable.

“H-hey. Sorry it took me a while. I was in the bathroom and I forgot where I put my phone literally after I texted you back so I spent the past like 5 minutes or so looking for it only to see it being dead so I charged it and looked for my portable charge and I…” (y/n) rambled, looking at a smiling Johnny. “I’m sorry, I was rambling”

“No. It’s actually pretty cute. And it’s alright. I was just a bit worried so I went up to see you for myself” Johnny mentioned, moving out of the way. “So, shall we?” Johnny asked, extending his hand for (y/n) to take

The two then head to Johnny’s car which Johnny, being the gentleman he is opened the door for (y/n) before going to the driver’s seat. “So, where are you taking me? Sorry for um, underdressing” (y/n) asked

“Nonsense, you look nice. I mean, I’m being casual myself. We’re just going to a casual restaurant, don’t worry. It’s a friend’s restaurant. He has some of the best Korean food in town” Johnny mentioned

The drive was quieter than Johnny would’ve liked but he knows that (y/n) was still shy and wary of the whole situation and he wants her to be as comfortable as she can so Johnny knows that he has to take it at her own pace.

Lucky enough, Johnny was able to get some conversation out of (y/n) like how was her uni life, how were her lessons, did she make any friends and so on. Whereas on (y/n)’s side, she also started to get to know Johnny like how he took film back when he was in university and he had a love for photography that he used to work at a local studio.

“What?” Johnny asked, seeing (y/n) chuckle

“I just, sorry. I sort of can’t really imagine you working a normal office like job” (y/n) admitted

“Well, it wasn’t really an office job since I get to go around, meet people and do what I love. But that’s in the past now” Johnny replied

“Do you miss it? The mundane routine when you were working in the studio?” (y/n) asked curiously

“Sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I get to do now and I love that I’m able to really own what I do but sometimes I do miss the simple mundane routine. It makes me feel grounded at times. Probably another reason why you attract me so much” Johnny flirted, making (y/n) rolled her eyes.

“Are you sure you haven’t dated in so long because I swear you flirt all the time” (y/n) groaned, making the older man chuckle. “Good to know that I still can. Anyways, we’re here” Johnny exclaimed, parking his car right outside of the restaurant, ‘Under the Moonlight’ that belongs to one of his member also dear hyung, Moon Taeil.

“Johnny, you said this was going to be casual but we’re at one of the most prestigious, 3 Michelin star restaurant in Seoul” (y/n) exclaimed, her face was filled with worry and panic while Johnny just got out of his seat and opened the door for (y/n) again

“It is casual. I mean, I know the owner. He’s a friend of mine” Johnny mentioned, helping (y/n) out of his car as he handed his car keys to the valet

“You’re telling me that your friend is master Moon?! The famous chef?!” (y/n) exclaimed as Johnny held her hand, walking past all the other customers who were waiting in line

“Yeap. Table for 2 under the name Johnny Suh” Johnny mentioned to the staff who upon seeing Johnny already knew who he was

Without wasting any time, the staff immediately told the other staff inside the restaurant that Johnny and his date had arrived. Immediately, one of the waiters went to direct Johnny and (y/n) into the restaurant as all the other customers eyes her with jealousy.

Inside the restaurant was no different as the outside. All the customers were eyeing (y/n), making her feel even smaller than she already felt when she and Johnny arrived at the restaurant. Noticing her slightly shaking self, Johnny released his hold on (y/n)’s hand and instead wrapped his arm around her smaller shoulder, pulling her closer to his bigger form whilst eyeing at all the other customers until his hyung and member came up to him, himself.

“Johnny! You came! And you finally brought a date” Taeil exclaimed, going to hug Johnny who released his hold on (y/n) for a moment to hug his older member

“Of course, hyung. Thank you for coming down to your own restaurant today for me” Johnny mentioned as all the customers look at the interaction in shock

“No, thank you for coming. It’s been a while since you guys came. I know work must be busy huh? But who’s this cute girl you brought today? The last one that came with their girlfriends were Jeno and Jaemin. They had a cute double date together” Taeil exclaimed, looking over at a shy (y/n)

“This is (y/n). She just went into college but she’s turning 23 soon” Johnny mentioned, softly grabbing (y/n)’s hands to extend for Taeil to shake

“A pleasure to meet you. I’m Taeil. The owner and head chef. I’m so happy to have you here. Johnny typically comes with his colleagues for business meetings so it’s nice to see a change. He even looks brighter these days” Taeil mentioned, making (y/n) blush

“T-thank you for having me. Sorry I dressed very casually. Johnny didn’t tell me that we were coming here. If I had known, I would’ve worn something better” (y/n) replied smiling

“Nonsense. You’re welcome to wear anything you want. Comfort over fashion. Unless you’re Johnny, Jaehyun, and Doyoung who typically dresses well even just for a walk in the park. But please, this way to your table” Taeil mentioned, directing both Johnny and (y/n) to an exclusive table in the restaurant

“Go ahead. Order anything you’d like. It’s on the house” Taeil exclaimed

“W-what?! T-taeil, you can’t” (y/n) stuttered

“I insist. Also, Johnny, do you want some wine?” Taeil asked as Johnny shook his head. “Not today, hyung. And maybe we’ll have something light. I’ll just take your signature steak and salad with sparkling water. How bout you (y/n)?” Johnny asked

“I’ll just have the kimchi pasta. I’ve always wanted to try it” (y/n) mentioned

“Coming right away” Taeil smiled at (y/n) before leaning to Johnny. “My staff told me that there were 2 cars that followed you here. I’ve told Doyoung who had Jungwoo keep an eye out. Jaehyun and Yuta are also around just in case” Taeil whispered to Johnny’s ear

“Thanks for the info hyung. I’d be happy to check out the new interior design you were thinking of” Johnny exclaimed as Taeil slightly bow to (y/n) before leaving

“So…” (y/n) started, catching Johnny’s attention. “So?” Johnny mimics

“Not only do you own a bar and an entertainment agency where the top celebrities like Jung Jaehyun works at but you also know the famous master Moon who owns three 3-michelin star restaurants?! Who exactly are you?” (y/n) questioned, making Johnny chuckle

“Just someone who just happens to know people. I’ve met Taeil when he was just starting out as a private chef for someone who happens to also helped me get to where I am today. Also, did you know that Taeil has a very heavenly voice? I even managed to convince him to sing an OST for a Kdrama we were filming and everyone loved his voice” Johnny mentioned, making (y/n) smile

“And you said I’m the mysterious one” (y/n) joked, making Johnny smile as well

“We all have our fair share of secrets but enough of that, what were you saying about some guy knowing your name?” Johnny questioned, his gaze became serious

“Oh right. So, I actually had my first group, well paired assignment and I was paired with this really fun and smart girl. We were doing our assignment in a cafe nearby our campus when her boyfriend came and he called my name” (y/n) recalled her memories

“Was this the guy that came and called to you?” Johnny asked in a more relax manner as he showed (y/n) a picture of Haechan, making the girl nod. “Yea, that’s him. Wait, you know him too?!”

“Like I’ve said. I know people and that’s Donghyuck. Well, he goes with his game name, Haechan more” Johnny mentioned, making the girl in front of him speechless

“The Lee Haechan? That master gamer and streamer?! That’s what he looks like?!” (y/n) asked in shock

“So you do know a lot of people yourself” Johnny joked. “No, all the people you know are famous people. Often get talked about at your bar. Even you. People would talk about how you could practically model but chose to build an entertainment agency and bar instead”

“I have modeled a few times. Also, don’t tell Haechan that I practically told you about him. Especially when Jeno is around. Jeno is probably going to tease him about it” Johnny mentioned

“Don’t tell me that this Jeno is…” (y/n) mumbled but Johnny finished her sentence. “Lee Jeno. The number one racer in Seoul who just won his like 4th? 5th grand prix? Boy was a prodigy since he was like 18”

The date went by smoothly much to Johnny’s expectations. Taeil would also often come drop by to have a chat with (y/n) who seemed more open than the morning he picked her up. But sadly, Johnny couldn’t completely enjoy his date as he kept replying the words Taeil told him.

Whenever Taeil would occupy (y/n)’s attention, Johnny would text his members on any updates regarding the people who followed his car. But Jungwoo was taking a longer time to identify the cars and who were in there.

Sighing, Johnny knew that it probably had something to do with (y/n) and he was starting to grow worry when he has to leave her alone later. Johnny was so lost in his thoughts until (y/n) snap him back to reality.

“Johnny. Are you okay? Did something happen?” (y/n) asked but Johnny was quick to regain his composure

“I’m alright flower. Just some work. Jaehyun was texting me about a rude partner during his shoot” Johnny lied

“You sure? I was going to go to the bathroom for a moment. You should splash some water on your face. Just to keep you awake, you know. You look a bit tired. We can head back after I’m done” (y/n) suggested

“Sure. If it’s alright with you, we can spend the rest of the evening at your place of even mine for a movie night and take out?” Johnny suggested back, earning a smile and nod. “I’d like that. I’ll be back”

After (y/n) left, Taeil went closer to Johnny. “Honestly, I support you”

“Well, that was random” Johnny scoffed making his older member laugh

“I’m serious. I like her. I mean, she’s such a soft soul. You can tell that she’s been through a lot and despite you spoiling her, she’s still humble and down to earth. It’s cute that she said she’ll repay you back for the amount of money you spent on her college but I know for a fact that you wouldn’t let her do that, right?” Taeil pestered

“She was a victim, hyung. A victim of human trafficking. She looks so broken” Johnny let out, making the older member sigh

“Just like you were when Taeyong and I visited you the day after we heard you were fired. Are you doing this because she reminds you of yourself or out of pity? Or have you actually taken interest in her?” Taeil asked

“I don’t know, hyung. I don’t want it just out of pity because she’s not like other girls. There are other girls in similar situations like she is but none with her personality. Most girls and staff in my bar would try their best to flirt and throw themselves at me. But not her. She’s, just like you said, down to earth. Even though she has a hard time, she doesn’t want people to take pity of her” Johnny replied

“Do you want to sleep with her?” Taeil genuinely asked

“Not exactly. I’m attracted to her but I also wouldn’t want to sleep with her just out of attraction. This is weird, hyung. I’ve always been scared going into a new relationship” Johnny explained

“It’s called you’re actually falling in love, John. You don’t know why you’re feeling it but one thing that you know is that you want to be with her. You want to always have her in your arms. To make her feel safe and comfortable just as you feel comfortable with her. You want to cherish her and every moment you have together. That’s why you’re going as far as to get to know her. To make her feel welcomed instead of your usual stoic and torture self. Love isn’t a crime nor is it scary. Sure it could be traumatic for some but true love is a beauty, John” Taeil lectured the younger member who seemed distraught by his long-forgotten feeling

Right before Johnny could reply to Taeil’s words, there was a commotion outside of the VIP room. “Sorry that things might get ugly, Hyung. I promise I’ll pay for the majority of the damages” Johnny shrugged, cocking his gun as he went out, followed by a tired Taeil. “It’s part of the job, John. Don’t worry about it”

Going out of the VIP room, Johnny was on guard at all times but he was instantly confused as to why everyone seemed calm until he saw Jaehyun bringing a terrified (y/n) next to him. In an instant, Johnny went to hug (y/n) who was shaking like crazy.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What happened Jaehyun?! What was the commotion?” Johnny demanded, pulling (y/n) closer to his chest, covering her sight as she sobbed on his chest

“(y/n) started to have panic attacks. I saw her going to the bathroom and not long after, I saw several men wearing black suits going to the bathroom as well. I quickly followed them and forced them out since they were hogging in front of the woman’s restroom. It took Yuta to escort them out and when they left, I heard sobbing in the bathroom and I found (y/n) crouching by the door, shaking and crying” Jaehyun explained, making Johnny’s grip around (y/n) even tighter

“Find Yuta and make sure that he gets those people. I want them” Johnny growled as Jaehyun just nodded and called Yuta

“Flower, it’s okay. Those people are gone. I’m going to take you back, alright?” Johnny spoke softly towards (y/n) who was still sobbing but nodded

Johnny bid Taeil goodbye and that he would meet his older member back at the base since he was bringing (y/n) to the NCT penthouse.

Slowly, Johnny brought (y/n) back to his car whilst telling his fellow members to take care of the people who were practically stalking (y/n). In his car, Johnny turned on a button that made all the glass around the car appear dark from the outside and rushed back to the base.

Along the way, Johnny made sure that (y/n) was completely asleep before calling Taeyong. “Tae, I know that this might be so sudden but…”

“Taeil filled me in. Just directly come to the penthouse. Yuta and his team found the stalkers. They’re on their way here but don’t question them. Let me deal with them. You stay with (y/n) and try to get answers from her. She needs you more” Taeyong mentioned

After turning off the call, Johnny looked over to (y/n) who was sleeping but her body was still a bit shaken up despite wrapped in Johnny’s jacket. Softly, Johnny stroked (y/n)’s head and upon seeing (y/n)’s shaken body, Johnny could feel his anger rising again. “Who did this to you?” Johnny thought to himself

NCT Penthouse - 8:29 pm (Johnny’s POV)

Arriving at our penthouse, I parked my car and tried to carry (y/n) who was asleep because I didn’t want to wake her but in the elevator, she suddenly woke up and nearly jumped out of my grip if I didn’t hold her tighter than I normally do.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. It’s just me” I uttered, my fingertips lightly massaging (y/n)’s shoulder, helping her calm down

“W-where are we? This isn’t my…” (y/n) stuttered, her voice sounded a bit rough; most probably from the crying and sleeping

“We’re at my place. Well, mine and my members’ place. It’s our penthouse. No one has access to this place except for us and some of the members’ girlfriends. I assure you that everyone is nice though we all live in different rooms. Some even on different floors” I explained, slowly letting (y/n) down but still holding onto her, worried that she might fall

Just like the first time we were alone together, the ride to my floor was quieter than I wanted; especially after what happened at Taeil’s restaurant. Luckily enough, this time (y/n) didn’t seem to mind me holding her hand which helped calm my frustration a bit more.

Lots of thoughts were trying to consume my mind one at a time. Who the hell made (y/n) into a victim? Why would they keep tabs on her when they’ve basically sold her? Do these people have connections to me? Is that why they’re keeping tabs on (y/n)?

All those thoughts were racing to catch my attention until the elevator door was opened. I slowly directed (y/n) to my penthouse and once we were in, she practically stared in awe at my place. Though I like nice and fancy things, I tend to keep my space as minimal as possible. But one thing for sure, I definitely had one of the best views in the penthouse.

“Feel free to explore, flower. Though there are only like 3 rooms. Mine, a guest room and an office room. I’ll get you something to drink. You can take the guest bedroom or mine. Whichever one you’re more comfortable with. Or you can go and watch some netflix or other shows you’d like” I mentioned, heading to the kitchen

As I was grabbing some water and other snacks, I noticed that (y/n) was just staring out of the view from the glass walls. “Hey, are you alright? Are you scared of heights?” I asked, settling down the snacks but handed (y/n) a glass of water

“A bit. I’m scared of a lot of things but this view is pretty. Oh and thank you” (y/n) replied, drinking the water I gave her

“No one can actually see in the building. Our leader made sure that all the glass walls weren’t seen through from the outside but we could see everything from the inside. If we want even more privacy, we installed curtains as well” I mentioned

“Y-your leader? Is everything like, recorded or?” (y/n) asked and I knew where this conversation was going

“Yes. Our leader. I’m actually part of a group. We’re not dangerous per se. Perhaps not everything we do is according to the law. But we are far from doing anything illegal. Our leader isn’t someone mean or controlling. Well, at least not to us. Me, Jaehyun, Yuta, Ten, Hendery, and several other people are the core members. So we’re the people that our leader trusts the most. When we all moved to this apartment building together, we were given complete freedom to do what we wanted. Along with that, we’re also given privacy. We’re free to install our own security cameras or not. Heck, even if we don’t, our leader would somehow know everything. But there’s nothing to be scared of honestly. He’s a great leader and person. I mean, he’s the one who found and helped us during one of our lowest points. I was one of the first members to be in the group” I explained

“Is finding people doing human trafficking part of the job?” (y/n) suddenly asked

“Sort of. We’re not involved in a way we buy the victims. We’re looking into every dirty and illegal business in South Korea. The government is limited but not us” I stated, looking at (y/n) who wrapped her arms around herself. “You’re not scared of me, are you?”

Turning around, (y/n) finally faced me and I saw her eyes start to be filled with water as she shook her head. Seeing her breaking down again was something I wanted to change. I walked closer and cupped her face. “Sssh, it’s alright. Whoever is looking for you won’t find you. No one outside of people we trust or love comes near here” I shushed (y/n), pulling her into my embrace as we stayed in this position for a while

“I want to help you, flower. Not out of pity. But because I feel at ease with you. I’m. I’m attracted to you. You’re not like any other girl I’ve encountered. You’re like a breath of fresh air from the city. A flower that blooms in winter. You’re special yet you weren’t given the chance to and I want to be the person to change that. But I can’t do that if you don’t tell me everything” I uttered, softly stroking (y/n) hair as she continued to sob in my chest until I heard a name

A name that was hammered into my brain for years. A name that I swore to all my members to never mention in my presence. Ever. A name that broke me years ago and made me believe that love was secretly bitter and toxic. My ex.

“Rox—roxanne…” (y/n) mumbled but the name was clear to me

“She and Axton…” (y/n) uttered another name that I forbid everyone from saying but I stopped her before she continued

“You knew I was the owner of the bar you worked at. You knew that I had nothing to do with those human trafficking but was connected with the people that made you a victim yet you didn’t come to me for help. Why?” I asked and pulled away to wipe the tears from (y/n)’s face but she suddenly looked away

“Hey. Don’t look away from me. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. Okay, maybe I am but not at you” I murmured, slightly forcing (y/n) to look at me. “Please. Tell me why didn’t you ask for my help in the first place when you knew”

“I. I was scared” (y/n) started. “I didn’t know how you would react but I also don’t want to take advantage of you. I’ll just be a burden. And I was scared that…” (y/n) rambled

“That?”

“That afterwards you would just” (y/n) hiccuped. “Just leave me all on my own” she finally let it out. She finally let out one of the things that everyone was so scared of

“Even at the beginning, I tried to not give in. I tried to not talk so much because I was scared that I would eventually fall for you. After you helped me that night, I really tried so hard. But then you keep showing up and I…” (y/n) rambled on. “We’re here now and I still am scared”

“Flower…” I whispered, my grip was loose that (y/n) managed to back away from me

“I, I don’t know what past you had with them but. I just want to not be involved. I just want to live a normal life. Sort of like you. I don’t want to be broken and sad. I don’t want to live in this constant fear that I could be hurt any day or even any second now” (y/n) cried

“Hey. Hey” I called out to her, trying to calm her down but she took a few more steps backwards making me sigh as I stood away from her

“Who said that I would hurt you? Who said that you’re taking advantage of me?” I questioned

“There were notes and messages. And they weren’t wrong. I’m taking advantage of you right now” (y/n) cried harder, making me ball up my fist knowing that those two people were responsible for another person’s trauma other than my own

“You’re not. I choose to get involved. I choose to reach out to you. I choose to get to know you. Albeit not the best method. And I choose you, flower” I uttered, somehow able to close the distance between us and cupped (y/n)’s cheek, forcing her to look at me

“You’ll get bored of me, Johnny. You’ll get bored and leave and I’ll be broken once again” (y/n) closed her eyes but her hands held mine

“You can worry about a lot of things but one thing you shouldn’t be worried about is me leaving you” I stated but (y/n) managed to make my hand let go of her face as she shook her head, her smaller hands leaving mine

“Th-thank you, Johnny. Really. For helping me and wanting to get to know me. I’m sorry, I just can’t…” (y/n) choked out and suddenly turned around but I wasn’t going to allow her to leave just like that

The second her hands left mine, I grabbed her wrist and turned her around back to me. One of my hands cupped her cheek while the other held her waist as I leaned down and pressed my lips on hers. The first time I kissed someone in years.

Of all the times I’ve kissed before, this felt right. This felt warm and welcoming whereas the previous ones, including the one with my ex, were just out of physical attraction, lust, and distraction. This was out of my own choice, how I care for her and love her.

Feeling her breathing got a bit heavier, I gently pulled away and let my forehead rest on her whilst gently caressing her cheeks. “Sssh, flower. It’s alright. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere and am certainly not going to leave you to break”

“Johnny…” (y/n) mumbled as I kissed right below her ear whilst lifting her and moved to my couch. Sitting down, I gently placed (y/n) on top of me, allowing her to straddle me since I was trapping her in my arms. “Flower. My last relationship was with that shit of an ex that turns out traumatised the both of us. Ever since, I have never, I swear on my members, never actively look for any other girl”

“Throughout those years, I was trying to keep myself busy with work and helping out the group. But in those years, I saw my members falling for their now girlfriends. Going through every obstacle in their relationship and still being together made me jealous but I was still just as traumatised as you were. Until I met you” I explained

“Sure I didn’t really actively look for another girl but that doesn’t mean I would sit around and watch a girl getting harassed like you did. Any normal person would’ve helped you as I did. But I’m glad I was there that day. Because it led us here” I added on

“I don’t deserve you, Johnny…” (y/n) mumbled. “Says who? I’m the one that’s pursuing you. So who the fuck says that you don’t deserve me?”

“Some people, most probably” (y/n) uttered but I kissed her temple, letting my lips linger a bit longer on her temple

“You tell me who they are and I’ll gladly deal with them” I mentioned, finally making (y/n) giggle even just for a bit

“John…” (y/n) called out to me. “If at any point you get bored of me, please don’t hurt me or yourself and just tell me honestly” (y/n) stated but I pulled her closer to me that her hands were on my shoulders for support

“Get that thought out of your mind. If anything, I’m more worried that you’ll leave me” I mentioned. “Do you want to be with me? Do you not want to fall for me?”

“Not like I can just switch off my humanity. I really do want to be with you but I’m just scared. I’m scared and I overthink too much” (y/n) mentioned, making me smile

“Then I’ll have to reassure you every day in every way possible” I joked, making (y/n) giggle. “I promise you that while it’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship, I’ll make sure you know how much I love and care for you. Afterall, I’m the one who chose this in the first place. If anything, being the man I am, I will stand by my choice and take care of you for as long as this life allows me to”

“May I?” I asked, my thumb slightly brushing past (y/n)’s lips as she gave me a shy nod

Smiling, I moved my head closer as my hand gently brought (y/n)’s head closer to meet in between. Both our lips connect once more and I can finally feel (y/n) returning the feelings I’ve poured out to her. Slowly, I brought her body as close as I could, my other hand massaging (y/n)’s waist, calming her tense body as I deepened the kiss between us.

Though we just admitted the feelings between us, I asked (y/n) to stay over because I was worried that something might happen to her if she were to be on her own. Surprisingly, she followed through and I ordered takeout as she took a shower.

After ordering, I let softly knocked in her room which was the guest bedroom since I didn’t want to move too fast and make her uncomfortable by sleeping on the same bed as me. I told her that I would also be in the shower and that if anyone knocked on the door, it was probably the takeout that I ordered.

Once I heard an answer from (y/n), I headed to my own room and showered as quickly as I could because I felt bad for leaving (y/n) alone for too long. But after I finished showering, I saw a text from Taeyong regarding the stalkers that he and Yuta were questioning.

TY: they caved and told us that the people who sent them were your ex-girlfriend and senior editor

TY: I’ve had Jungwoo and Haechan to dig up information about them and locate them

John: I know. (y/n) told me about them being the ones who made her into a victim. I want them.

TY: we’re locating them right now. I also need to know if (y/n)’s story checks out with those two. How is she doing?

John: we confessed to each other. She’s staying with me until I make sure that those two are dealt with

TY: I’m glad that you finally admitted your feelings but don’t let your guard down. At least until we’ve sorted those two and made sure that no one can access any more human trafficking in Seoul. Until those two are captured, stay with (y/n). Good night, Johnny

I was so lost in my conversation with Taeyong that I didn’t realise how long I left (y/n) alone outside. I quickly grabbed my hoodie and sweatpants then headed out to find (y/n) sitting by the dining island instead of the dining table and the food that I ordered was already laid out on the counter neatly. There were even two plates and other utensils which my heart warmed up along with the view of (y/n) in my own hoodie and pants as well.

“Hey. What were you thinking about?” I mumbled, coming up next to (y/n), kissing the side of her head as one of my arms snaked around her waist, catching her off-guard for a moment

“Hey, sorry. Was just in my head. Also, thank you for letting me stay over and ordering dinner” (y/n) mentioned as I took a seat next to her

“It’s alright. I hope you didn’t wait too long. Also, it’s no problem. I actually prefer that you just stay over from now on. Only if you want. Of course you don’t have to sleep with me in my room if you don’t want to but knowing that you’re here with me and safe makes me feel at ease…” I rambled that I almost missed (y/n)’s soft answer

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked again, to make sure

“I said okay. As long as I’m not interrupting anything” (y/n) mumbled, making me grin. “You never are. I’ll help you move later. I don’t want you to go out on your own”

“B-but, I can go to campus, right?” (y/n) asked and I thought for a moment because I forgot that she’s going to college

“Of course. I was the one that helped you to get into college. But you should go with Haechan and his girlfriend. Since you said that his girlfriend is your partner. I’m sure that she’s also staying with Haechan. I’ll double-check with him. Sorry, I might seem a bit too much but I’m worried about you. At least until those two are captured” I mentioned, earning a nod from (y/n)

“So um” (y/n) stuttered. “Have you actually looked for them and…”

“Sorry, flower. I’m not going to let you in much about that. At least until I’ve dealt with them” I sighed, eating some of the chicken

“Y-you’re not going to kill them, right?” (y/n) asked, making me question how much patience and goodness she had because if it were up to me, I would take my time to torture them before killing one of them in front of the other

“We don’t really kill, flower. Sure, we do have some blood on our hands but I promise you that they’re all not innocent” I stated, earning a hum from (y/n)

“I’m sorry” (y/n) uttered. I then pulled her chair closer to me as she looked at me in surprise. “Why are you apologising this time? I swear if you apologise one more time, I’m going to have to kiss you until you’re out of breath”

“Gosh, stop with that flirting” (y/n) exclaimed, covering her red face while I just chuckled, slowly taking her hand off her face. “Well? Why the sudden apology?”

“Because I feel bad that you have to face your ex again” (y/n) murmured, looking down at her lap but I found her so cute that I softly pinched her slightly puffed cheeks

“You’re so adorable. But really, flower, it’s nothing. I have to face them sooner or later in my life. Might as well get it over now. Plus, this is the perfect excuse to confront them” I mentioned when I got a text from Taeyong

TY: we’ve found them. Yuta and Hendery are securing them. You enjoy your night first. Deal with them tomorrow or let them rot for a week then deal with them. Your choice

“Is, everything alright?” (y/n) asked as I wiped the corner of her lip that was dirty from the food she ate. “Never better. Let’s have some dinner while we watch a movie, shall we? You pick any movie” I smiled, grabbing our plates and heading to the living room

NCT Base - 2:09 am

I didn’t want to leave (y/n) alone but I knew that I need to finish the job. Especially when Taeyong said that those two traumamakers arrived and that everyone was waiting for me to come and question them.

After making sure that (y/n) was completely asleep, I texted Haechan if he and his girlfriend were still awake and luckily they were. I asked them to come by my place to take care of the place and a sleeping (y/n) until I’m done questioning and torturing our guests.

“Hyung. You there? My girlfriend and I are here” I heard Haechan’s voice from the intercom

“Thanks for coming by and staying over. (y/n) actually passed out on the couch so I took her to my room. You both can stay in the guest bedroom if you want” I mentioned, opening the door for the sleepy couple

“It’s fine, hyung. I brought our gaming laptops so we’ll just be playing some games, isn’t that right, honey” Haechan cooed at his girlfriend who just hummed

“Thanks again. There are snacks in the fridge and cupboard. Knock yourself out, kids. But please, don’t makeout on the couch. Do it in the bathroom if you want. Easier to clean” I joked, making Haechan groan and his girlfriend flushed

“I’m heading out now. Enjoy yourself kiddos” I bid goodbye but Haechan came to see me out as his girlfriend was setting up their gaming station on my coffee table

“Hyung. Take care of yourself. Don’t go overboard. They’re not worth your energy. Get what information you need and end it. No point getting stuck in the past” Haechan uttered, making me smile at his matured words

“Thanks little bear. I’ll keep that in mind. You take care of the place, alright? Don’t make a mess. I’ll text you when I get back” I mentioned, waving at Haechan and heading to our base

I walked down to the basement where we would keep our ‘special guests’ and opened one of the doors with the red light above it; indicating that the room was being used.

Inside the room, I saw both Roxanne, my ex-girlfriend and Axton, my ex-senior editor, chained from above, side by side and were most probably pretending to be unconscious. Taeyong, Yuta, and Jaehyun were standing in the center of the room, behind the table that was in between them and those two.

“How long have you had them chained up here like meat?” I asked, putting on the gloves

“They just freshly arrived from the bay. From Japan” Yuta pointed out, making me chuckle since he continued my joke

“We should probably drench them in some cold water to make sure that we didn’t catch dead meat, shall we?” I suggested and Taeyong just smirked, handing me a controller and I pressed one of the buttons that made the ceiling pour ice water on both of our chained guests, waking them up instantly

“What the fuck…who…Johnny?” I heard Roxanne’s voice uttered for the first time in years; albeit a bit more shaking than what I used ot hear

“Why the shock, Roxanne? Miss me that much? Sadly, I don’t miss you or the man whom you had an affair with during one of the worst times in life. Granted, they weren’t as bad as being a victim because you both needed a victim” I stated, the shocked and scared look was obvious

“Whichever girl is trying to get in your pants this time, she clearly has the wrong people. Or are you just looking for a reason to get back at us for all those years ago?” Axton scoffed while I took one of my favourite knives, the carving knife and dragged the blade across his chest as I heard Roxanne squeal

“I’m going to enjoy my time finishing you up, Axton” I smirked, seeing the blood dripping from his chest and on my blade

“And since you mention a specific case which translates to there being a specific, one girl to have given me information regarding you both which means you both would have kept tabs on this specific girl” I smirked, looking at both their scared faces. “Meaning, what she’s saying is actually true”

“No point hiding. Might as well admit what you’ve done” Jaehyun stated, coming to my side while Taeyong just watched us from his chair with Yuta next to him

“Why her? Why chose her to be a victim when she had a life? She was fucking 16!” I growled, specifically towards Roxanne whom I pointed my knife with Axton’s blood. “What if that was you, huh? What if your parents were killed when you were 16?”

“Because she was the perfect victim” Axton chuckled, making me sick. “She was from a proper family. She was taught to be proper and to be an obedient little sl…” Axton didn’t get to continue as punctured his sternum, releasing a rather unrecognisable scream from him before I let my blade drop to the ground

“Should I carve your balls out to somewhat understand the pain of being a victim or should I pull and cut your tongue out, making a tongue soup and serve it to Roxanne because of the disgusting words that come out of your mouth whenever you speak?” I chuckled

“Y-you’re crazy…at least we don’t kill children” Roxanne tried to argue but my members and I scoffed at her

“Crazy? I may have blood on my hands” I smirked, raising my hands so that the light shone the blood dripping along my arm. “Quite literally. But at the fucking least, I don’t kill innocent people for money”

“Sure. I, and the others might not have the best reason to kill someone but at least I don’t kill other people for no fucking reason. At least when I torture and kill, it’s all for a reason” I growled, gripping Roxanne by her neck, slowly squeezing it to the point before she passed out and let go of her neck

“Whose to say that the girl you saved isn’t secretly using you? She must’ve missed her old privileged life that she planned on making you pity her that much” Roxanne breathed out and I was about to squeeze the life out of her if it weren’t for Taeyong stopping me

“You sure that isn’t the other way around?” Taeyong spoke, standing up and walked beside me as I moved out of the way when Taeyong pulled several documents and pictures to Roxanne

“You lived a pretty pathetic life where your parents constantly fought each other, neglecting you and even sold you. You didn’t get the life or love you wanted until Johnny showed up and you used his fortune for your own until you met that sad of a douchebag and betrayed someone who had genuine feelings for you” Taeyong stated, making me recall the horrific time when I found Roxanne making out with Axton

“You were part of the human trafficking as a somewhat of a victim but instead of trying to live your life, you got a little taste of money and that consumed you. You might not kill innocent life but you’re worse than a killer” Taeyong growled, making Roxanne look even more scared, probably the scaredest I have ever seen her

“You’re like a fire. You get close to your prey, warming up to them” Taeyong stated, lighting his lighter and bringing it close to the documents, lighting them up. “Then you slowly burn them. Letting them burn on their own until all that’s left” Taeyong let go of the documents, letting them burn on their own. “Is just ashes that you can’t rebuild into anything”

“Luckily for those people you burn, I found them. Though I couldn’t save part of them that were burnt, I tried to make do with what you left them to be. I found Johnny and took him in, helping him rebuild his burnt self just as he’s doing to the victim you made. All for your selfishness. Wanting them to feel the pain you did” Taeyong went back to his table. “We’re done here. Johnny, finish them. Jungwoo and Kun already found the other victims and thanks to Yuta, we already cut their connection to their clients and suppliers”

“Wh-what?! You’re killing us?! I, I thought that the government…” Roxane uttered but Jaehyun beat her to it

“Gave us complete authority to do what we please to people like you. When it reached a point of no return, the government gave us complete control. As long as we have given them what they wanted or what they were looking for. In this case, they wanted to cut the connection, aka the parasites, aka you both. They also wanted us to help look for the victims which thanks to your computer, we have all of that. It’s only a matter of time to hack into them” Jaehyun explained

“Y-you were just stalling…” Roxanne breathed

“For someone that could manipulate their victims to get away from everyone they know, you’re slow on things when you’re on the other end of the rope” Yuta scoffed while I cocked my gun

“Johnny…you, you wouldn’t….” Roxanne tried to persuade me with that sweet yet toxic voice

“I’m sorry” I uttered which made Roxanne sigh of relief. Oh, how she was wrong.

“I’m sorry for not being good enough for you that I couldn’t quite save you. But you were already lost in that addiction, weren’t you? At least, for this last time, let me save you. From yourself and from any other victims” I mentioned, a bullet was fired straight to Roxanne’s heart as she mouthed my name one last time as I walked to her slowly dying body, closing her eyes. “I hope we won’t ever meet again in the next life. And I hope you have a better life next time”

By the time I went back to my penthouse, the sun was already starting to rise and when I reached my place, Haechan and his girlfriend were already back at their place when I texted them that I was heading back.

Luckily, there was a shower at the base so I immediately showered and changed right after we were done with those two because I knew that if I showered at my own place, there was a good chance that (y/n) would wake up.

Back at my place, I headed to my room to see (y/n) snuggling in my bed, one of her legs was out of the bed as the blanket was messed up. Seeing her deep asleep self made me smile and I tucked her back in before going to the other side, finally being able to get some rest.

I laid down and wrapped one of my arms around her waist, pulling her close to my chest which made her snuggle closer. I slowly stroked her head mindlessly because of how heavy my eyes felt. But suddenly, I heard (y/n) mumbling my name and slowly waking up, making me smile.

“Johnny?” (y/n) mumbled

“Yes, flower?” I replied, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes

“Why aren’t you asleep?” (y/n) uttered, slowly opening her eyes, looking up to meet mine

“Haven’t been able to sleep” I lied but (y/n) saw through me. “It’s not good to lie”

“I just got back” I admitted as (y/n) hummed. “W-what happened?”

“Nothing that you should know of, flower. It’s over. Though I’m probably going to get much sleep, at least I can finally sleep at ease knowing that the past is finally behind me and hopefully you” I replied, cupping her cheeks

“It’s been over for me since you decided to choose me, John. So let me do the same and take care of you from now on. We had to go through our traumas alone but now, let’s heal it together and take care of each other. Don’t try to be strong on your own, okay?” (y/n) rambled, making me smile and kissed the top of her head before snuggling even closer

“Now and forever, as long as it’s with you, I think I finally see that love is a beauty” I smiled, leaning down to softly feel (y/n)’s lips on mine before we went to our slumber, ignoring the busy world around us.

A/N: AFTER LIKE A MONTH OF WRITING THIS! I FINALLY FINISHED MY 100TH TUMBLR POST AGHHHHHH Thank you to @mymoodwriting for always wanting to read my snippets and share me your opinion and keeping me company whilst writing the final part of this story. This was a very long one and I hope that you guys enjoy this final story of 2023 from me while I finally do the NCT Mafia Masterlist and start 2024 with the Jaehyun request (which will be a different mafia universe compared to this one). Thank you for everyone who recently followed and read my fics. 2023 had many ups and downs and here's to hoping that 2024 will be better for all of us! Merry Christmas and Happy New year :)) xoxo Vinet

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