#tbh the reason i waited so long was because i just didnt like this piece at first...cons of finals crunch

[yooptheyot]

Im a little late in posting ^^ Here is my piece for the Captchavogue zine, which you can still check out HERE

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

How To Calm Your Witcher

i am shit at titles please forgive me i know its tacky lol. the Goob Squad gave me like an ounce of positive reinforcement for purring Geralt and tbh this was v good for the wack ass day i had so this is what yall are stuck with.

Warnings: overwhelmed potion geralt, description of said overwhelming sensation, kinda anxiety attack adjacent but theres some BIG comfort, purring witcher. 

__________

Geralt marched through the halls in a huff, Jaskier keeping pace but lagging behind just a bit as they made their way to the quarters that this particularly obtuse lord had not so graciously assigned them for the duration of the hunt. Geralt had prepared for a menacing beast, potions and all, only to find some delinquents faking a mauling because they’d had too much to drink and got bored. They’d probably never drink again after the scare Geralt gave them, but the lord wasn't satisfied. Geralt assumed he never was. 

The only reason Geralt didn’t slam the door when they made it through the maze was that Jaskier was behind him. He was shaking, all that adrenaline with nowhere to go made his hands curl into tight fists and he could hear too many people. The floor above them was relatively empty but below must have been the kitchen or laundry and it was starting to drive him insane after only a few moments in the room. 

He ripped his armor off, hoping that removing the tight bands of leather keeping it in place might make him feel like he fit within his skin again. It only made him cold. 

Jaskier picked up the pieces he’d chucked  and laid them in a pile before carefully stacking logs in the ridiculously sized hearth. Geralt barely registered him hauling blankets and furs out of a chest at the foot of the bed, too distracted by the noises and every single one of his hairs shifting as he moved. It felt like he was covered in spiders and wading through water all at once. Everything was too slow and too detailed and he just wanted to charge back into the dining hall and beat the lord with his ham bone. 

“Geralt?” Jaskier’s voice couldn’t even be called a whisper; it was so faint, “Can you come light this please?”

Geralt cracked his neck as he turned and stalked over to the hearth. He didnt need to cast such a dramatic sign, but fuck he needed to do something. Jaskier was already standing back, seemingly prepared for his outburst. 

“Can you sit down so I can unlace your boots?”

Could he? For that velvet soft voice he could do anything. His boots were rather soaked too, and he could feel the beginnings of a blister forming where the new leather had yet to soften. He let Jaskier lead him to a specific pillow and settled onto it, extending his legs and glaring into the fire. The pops and hisses of bubbling sap was helping to mask the sounds from below, but it didn't feel like nearly enough. Jaskier slowly tugged off his boots, keeping his touches deliberate but soft as he replaced the waterlogged woolen socks with a warm fresh pair. Geralt wiggled his toes a bit, happy with the feeling of something soft against the tops of his toes. 

Jaskier settled in behind him and raked his fingers through Geralt’s hair, “How does this feel?”

Geralt hummed, honestly not sure of his answer, and continued to stare into the fire.

The bard quickly braided his waves off to the side, very practical compared to his usual work, and wrapped his arms around Geralt’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, “What’s too much?”

Geralt only snarled. It was a stupid question. Everything was too much. 

“Is it the noise?”

A nod.

“What about your skin?”

Geralt swallowed hard and forced his words out, “Little hairs.”

Jaskier shimmied back to lean against a heavy leather chair, pulling Geralt with him before draping blanket after blanket after blanket over them; finishing the stack with a bearskin. They were cocooned in soft, but not sticky fabric that kept all Geralt’s hair pressed to his skin and a weight that made his legs feel hollow and filled with lead. He could finally take a slow deep breath, feeling his back press into Jaskier’s stomach as his lungs expanded. 

“Better?” Jaskier breathed, placing a gentle kiss to Geralt’s temple.

He nodded, turning his head into Jaskier’s chest to breathe in his scent. 

“What else do you need, love?”

Geralt’s hands resting on Jaskier’s thighs beneath the blankets involuntarily squeezed when someone dropped what sounded like a dragon sized cauldron on the level below, “Hum for me?”

Jaskier immediately started humming one of Geralt’s favorite songs, pressing a kiss to his hair as he did. The soft rumbles of the bard’s voice and his heartbeat gave Geralt something to focus on other than the cacophony from below. As Jaskier’s voice grew gradually stronger there were gradually less and less distractions, only the pleasant, comforting sound of his lover’s voice and the gentle vibrations emanating from his chest. Geralt shifted slightly and pressed his ear to Jaskier’s sternum, sighing at the warmth of his bard’s skin against the side of his face and the loud, reassuring thrum of his heartbeat. Jaskier clasped his hands together over Geralt’s stomach and the little bit of added pressure did wonders. 

Before he knew it, his eyes were fluttering closed and there was a deep rumble accompanying the rise and fall of his chest. He stayed pleasantly pinned to his lover as they waited for the potions to leave his system, purring in accompaniment to Jaskier’s soft singing. Geralt’s purrs started to fade as he drifted closer and closer to sleep, still not entirely feeling clean, but clean enough.

“How are you feeling?” Jaskier’s whisper, coaxed him back from the edge of consciousness just before he was about to fall. 

He purred louder in response, something that always made Jaskier smile. 

“Alright, let’s get you into the bed, yeah?”

Geralt let himself be propped up on his feet while Jaskier peeled his breaches off and tucked him under the covers before laying the heavy bearskin over him yet again. 

“Jask?” Geralt’s voice was more of a croak as he lifted his head off the pillow to search for his bard, “C’m to bed.”

“Already here, love.” Jaskier shuffled over under the covers, pressing himself to Geralt’s back and tucking his thighs up under Geralt’s.

Geralt started purring again as Jaskier pressed a kiss to the base of his neck and snaked an arm around his waist, “I love you,” he sighed, making sure Jaskier could feel just how happy he was through the vibrations in his chest.

“And I you,” Jaskier hummed, giving Geralt a light squeeze, “Now sleep, darling.”

He fought sleep as long as he could, wishing he could stay in this moment forever, but eventually Geralt stopped purring and fell into a deep, restful sleep. 

[bitchiha]

hey!!! can you maybe do any of the boys that your heart would like and the request is; “them seeing/meeting your ex boyfriend for the first time” | so like the shisuirequest??

A/N: Yes I can write this for you!! I chose to write it for Kiba, Naruto and Sai! Bc Sai doesn’t get enough love =(^.^)=

✎ Meeting their s/o’s ex boyfriend!

Kiba

So allow me to paint the scene: it all starts when Kiba is walking you home from one of your routine walks together. He’s got his arm around your waist and he’s telling you about how Hianata almost passed out this morning when Naruto said hi to her. You both laugh as he finishes the memory and Akamaru trails behind you two panting happily.

You live on a pretty busy village street. So you normally see people you know all the time around your house. They’re always passing by to get groceries or go to one of the food stands nearby. So when someone calls out your name you turn around casually — expecting to see Shino or something.

But who you did not expect to see was your ex boyfriend running up to you, pushing passed people on the crowded street without batting an eye. He was kind of a douchebag.

Kiba immediately stops laughing as he feels your back tensing up around his arm. Akamaru starts growling lowly as a response to sensing both yours and Kibas alert.

Tbh tho.. The reason you’re probably the most panicked is because this is Kiba Inuzuka, you’re hotheaded boyfriend who’s just a smidge bit possessive... and he’s meeting your ex boyfriend who’s overconfident and well, for lack of better words - a douchebag.

Your ex walks up to you two and sizes up Kiba and omfg that pisses your boyfriend off. “Y/n, who’s this guy.” Definitely shows his canines (is it an accident? or did he do it to intimidate this dude? You’ll never know.)

Anyways, your ex is cocky as shit — let’s call him Makki. So he interrupts you before you even get the chance to explain to Kiba who he is, “-Oh y/n, you’ve never mentioned me? I’m Makki, her ex boyfriend.”

Dude probably eats up the pissed off look on Kibas face. Like he’s yikes lmfao he’s really pissed off.

Like who does this cocky shit think he is?? Kiba is ready to fight lol “Oh yeah buddy, that’s real good for yo-“

Your ex just cuts him off... like blatantly ignores Kiba and turns to you, “It’s been a while y/n, you still look as gorgeous as ever...” he winks at you and Kiba growls LMFAOO, but Makki just ignores him. “We’d been together for so long y/n, so how come I never knew you liked... dogs so much.” He stares at Kiba right when he says dogs and he gives him this appalled expression on his face

Kibas confused for a second bc dogs are cute....“But there’s nothing wrong with dogs- oh wait! Hey were you trying to insult me you knucklehead!”

HOLD KIBA BACK HOLD KIBA BACK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

So you’ve got your boyfriend held back, but you forgot about Akamaru.. rookie mistake. Now that giant dog is running towards Makki and the boy starts sprinting for dear life.

Kiba has a good laughing fit at the sight, “that’ll show him.” But you’re concerned because yes your ex is a douchebag and you did enjoy watching him run away scared, but you don’t want Akamaru to get in trouble for this. So you tell Kiba to go find Akamaru this instant.

“All right all right I’ll get em now... See you tomorrow, same time as today?” You nod hurriedly, wanting him to go Asap. You watch him run off before opening the door to your house and going inside.

Which was another rookie mistake.

Once you were inside he stopped running. He placed his hands behind his neck in a relaxed way as he strolled down the street, whistling like he didn’t have a dog to chase down.

“Have at em’ Akamaru”

Naruto

Yup.. you guessed it, this takes place at Ichirakus. It’s a Friday night and you two had no missions or other commitments to take care of, so he swung by your place and insisted you two go out for ramen.

So there you two sat, chatting away between mouthfuls of ramen when your ex boyfriend slides into the seat next to you.

Narutos oblivious tbh.

Like your ex just sits an elbow on the table and looks at you with a smirk, “hey, y/n, long time no see.” And you’re like.. ew wtf are you doing here.

Unlike Kiba, Naruto can’t pick up on your distaste, he just thinks it’s an old friend of yours. “Hey babe, who’s this guy?”

Your ex just introduces himself by his name and you decide to leave it at that, if you tell Naruto he’s your ex he will just get difficult to handle. So, you introduce Naruto as Naruto to avoid your ex getting all competitive too.

So you kinda avoid all relationship talk altogether and just completely skip over that fact. Honestly you’re half glad you did because Naruto actually gets along with him. Like for starters they both like ramen, are knuckleheaded and very loud. You definitely have a type. And they’re super funny too, so the whole time they’re just kinda laughing with eachother.

Had a good 15 minute long conversation about their favourite instant noodle brand and roasted you for the brand you liked. “Really y/n, that’s shameful.” They both say it in unison.

Also, your ex didnt have the intention to come into Ichirakus and crash your date, it was just a coincidence. So there was no ulterior motives to his presence and he’s not the type of guy to do it tbh. To top it all off he ends up paying for the ramen. Your ex literally pays for both you and Narutos ramen.

Such a weird experience for you tbh, but it’s also kinda funny to watch them both oblivious to your relationship with them.

At the end of the night when your ex heads home, you tell Naruto. Like you’re strolling through the busy Friday night rush and you finally spring it on him because he won’t shut up about your ex.

“Wow that guy was so cool y/n, never knew you had friends like that!” “Well actually Naruto, hes sorta my ex boyfriend.”

His eyes pop out of his head. “WHAT and you’re just telling me this now??” He’s in his head like: damn I should have showed off more or I should have made more jokes to prove that I’m the better one. He’s also like: shit he’s so cool how can he compete???!!1!1!1

Tries to hate your ex from then on, but they’re just so alike he literally cannot.

Luckily you don’t ever run into him like that again.

Sai

So.. let’s just be real here.. if you’re dating Sai you clearly have a type. You go for those emo little artsy boys. The only problem is that your ex boyfriend was an emo preppy rich art boy. You couldn’t stand his attitude anymore so you two broke up.

The only problem is that you live in the Leaf village and there’s very limited art events, so you would always bump into him. Luckily you hadn’t run into him with Sai around.. until now lol

You’re with Sai at an art exhibit that you managed to get him to submit work for. He was hesitant at first, but he gave in because you kept asking, and if he was being honest he wouldn’t mind showing some of his pieces.

So there you two are, standing together like that emo art couple that you are when your ex boyfriend walks in. He literally looks like the definition of avant garde. When he sees you he’s prepared to make some condescending comment, but then he sees Sai and he’s like: oh shit

Let’s be real here if anyone saw you and Sai together it would be an “oh shit” moment. You’re just an art power couple. That doesn’t mean your exes snobbiness would let him back down though.

So, this dude wants to prove he’s superior. When he walks up to the two of you he flat out interrupts the conversation and is like, “y/n, nice to see you,” then he turns to Sai and jusy gets down to business “so? You like art, then?”

Sai doesn’t comprehend the hostility in your ex’s tone so he answers it with a smile, prepared to tell him that this is actually his exhibit before he’s Interrupted again. “-Oh so you like art then? Okay, describe what mediums are used here.” your ex points at one of Sai’s paintings, not aware that he literally fucking painted it because he didn’t let Sai finish speaking.

So of course Sai answers and goes into a whole ramble about what mediums and why and how they bring out the details. Your ex kinda stands there like: “oh shit” again bc damn, he knows his shit.

He just points at another painting and is like, “what about this one.” And as your ex turns to study it better himself he realizes it’s literally you. It’s a painting that Sai did of you when you two first met eachother, you’re laying on the grass laughing and there’s orange hues dancing across your face indicating that the sun is setting. It’s one of Sais absolute favourites.

It’s such a bomb ass fucking painting and your ex just kinda stares at it confused and shook and you have to explain, “my boyfriends work is in this exhibit, he painted that one of me.”

But as I said, your ex is a douchebag and he’s not going to let your boyfriend get a compliment from him so he just goes, “hmph, it’s nothing special.”

And that kinda bothers Sai because that’s his girlfriend in that painting therefore it is very special.

You know where this is going. Naruto said the same line to him before LOL

So Sai hits him with this signature line, “just like your dick.” AND HE SAYS IT W THE FAKE SMILE LMFAO

Now your ex is literally dead. Like he’s flamed. On the floor straight up incinerated. And your trying to hide your laughter.

Security has to escort the guy out.

Very memorable moment for the two of you.

10/10

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Sigh. It’s quiet today, so I guess it’s about time to talk about 12x06: Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.  

This is an episode without Cas, so clearly it revolves entirely around Cas (I'm kidding, but only a little bit).  It’s also a bottle episode and a meta writer’s wet dream, so excuse me while I nerd out - this is a long one to unpack, and I have spent too much time doing it for you.  That’s ok because, as Sam says:

DIVE IN AFTER THE CUT BUDDIES!

The Asa montage is where we start.

Asa is a Dean mirror. The parallels are pretty clear - he’s a scruffy rough around the edges hunter, Mary is the reason he got into hunting, he wears a ton of flannel, etc.  If you remain unsure, the writers throw this in at the very beginning in the montage of Asa’s life as a hunter So That You Know:

Bucky: Hey, you know they make new cars, right? Asa: I don’t want a new car. This is my lucky car. 

***Canadian!Dean confirmed.

Shaine Jones may also be the Canadian Jensen Ackles.

I don’t make the rules ok?

Back in the US, the boys surprise Jody with a visit. 

In case you forgot the episode prior to this one:

Side note: domestic Jody gives me life. 

We’re clearly supposed to see how Jody is a mom figure for the boys, and it feels nice for them to have that, especially since Mary is Taking Some Space.  Their entire dynamic warms even my cold black soul.

[romantic scene of a couple silhouetted against a sunset while sweeping music plays on Jody’s TV. The couple kisses.] 

DEAN

[his mouth full of pizza] Jody, you watching some kind of chick flick here?

JODY

Well, Dean. I’m a chick. 

Kim Rhodes YOU ARE A DELIGHT.  A side note - I know this exchange is supposed to be funny, but I feel sad for Dean (who clearly is a rom com chick).  This is a perfect example of Dean struggling to present some fabricated image of heteronormative masculinity that’s not the heart of who he actually is.  His surprise that a “badass sheriff chick” can also enjoy rom coms makes me fucking upset.  

ALSO:

Anyway, Asa has passed on and the boys tag along with Jody to the wake in support.  

SAM

Yeah, no, Jody. We… we know you’ll be fine, but… you know, we never go to hunter gatherings, outside of bars. Dad always said they were trouble, so…

DEAN

Yes, you’d be doing us a favor if you let us tag along.

***more receipts that John Winchester was an isolating abuser.  They could have at least had a normal HUNTER life and friends who hunted.

SAM  

That is a big house. [Music continues playing, coming from inside the house now]

***We now establish one “theme” of the episode.

JODY

Family home. Asa was just a guy. 

AKA pretty brutal implication that Asa didn’t have a family of his own.

Speaking of implications:

[Jody removes her coat and the three of them begin mingling. Dean finds his way to the kitchen and a cooler full of beer] DEAN

No label. Well, that’s a red flag. 

****LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE REASON****

....

....

....

GIRL SEND HELP

Enter Bucky, who is actually (SPOILER!) the villain of the episode.

Do all hunters just walk around with this manly flannel/weird symbolic necklace combo?  Looking at you Bucky and Dean.  

Dean is surprised to find that people know who he is:

But doesn’t seem to have an issue with it until -

***Someone who just bragged the entire five hour car ride about killing Hitler shouldn’t be this concerned about what people are saying about him right? 

Or is he thinking it may involve something he isn’t comfortable sharing - since apparently there are things Dean doesn’t feel comfortable sharing as established by the prior couch conversation with Jody?  Hmmmmmm...

***Compare the expressions.  The “you’ve died four times” response is the same as the smug/proud “I killed Hitler” face.  The reaction to the “stories” is the “hey this is my personal business” reaction Dean had to Sam’s Japanese erotica art form comment. He is thinking specifically about something personal.

I wonder what it could be.

I don’t think any one had to teach Max Banes the art of seduction, but also thank you.

Also, manifesting Dean being raised by Max and Alicia’s Cool Witch Mom instead of John Trash Winchester.  Because that’s what we’re supposed to think here, correct?  Two sibling hunters usually present a brother mirror.

Worth noting Sam’s surprise that witches can also be hunters.  The John Winchester Bigotry Brain Rot runs deep.  (GOD the Sam-witch thing would have driven him crazy I LIVE FOR THAT).

Dean escapes to Asa’s office/room and proceeds to go through his things.

[Dean is in Asa’s office and finds an angel blade mounted on blue velvet inside an ornate glass-lidded box. He opens it, reaches in and pulls out the angel blade, comfortably spinning it in his hand when Sam walks in.]

SAM

Hey.

DEAN

Oh, hi. This is a real Angel Blade. I mean, this guy was legit. 

***that’s weird, why does Canadian!Dean have an angel blade?  We haven’t heard anything about angels yet, and it wasn’t in the opening montage.  Hmmmmmm, I say. Hmmmmmmm...

***Sam is also concerned about The Stories They Tell 

This one particularly:

Honestly I don’t know why he’s THAT surprised that people know he was possessed by Lucifer?  Didn’t he start like multiple apocalypses?  That’s something people tend to be in the know about. Anyhoo.

DEAN

Yeah. Apparently we’re a little bit legendary. 

SAM 

Yeah, but, I mean, so was Asa. Then a hunt went bad, and he ended up hanging from a tree, alone in the woods.

DEAN

He died on the job. No better way to go. 

SAM

You really believe that? 

DEAN

Yeah. What, you don’t? I mean, come on, Sam, it's not like we're in the “live till you're 90, die in your sleep” business. This? [Dean points at Asa’s hunting wall] This only ends one way. 

***Insert deep internal screaming about 15x20 here***

It’s Jody’s turn to be uncomfortable as we find out she and Asa were more than just friends and everyone knew it and Said Things About It and Told Stories About It.

HMMMMMMM...

Dean is surprised that Jody not only enjoys rom coms, but ruggedly hot men. Another thing they have in common.

As Dean comes to terms with the idea that Jody can be a mother figure and also a human person with a life and her own feelings and needs and thoughts, enter the person whom said lesson is actually about:

This is a Kim Rhodes Facial Expression stan account now.

So cute how Jody knows immediately that Dean is not okay.  Time to reach:

JODY

Huh. Is that why you spent the entire ride up here telling me in extreme, excruciating detail how you killed Hitler, but, uh, you neglected to mention the fact that your mom is back from the dead? 

***look, it’s another Dean doesn’t like others knowing personal information parallel!***

DEAN 

Yeah, no big deal. 

JODY

That’s a lie.

DEAN

JODY …

JODY

Look, maybe this isn't my place, and this is epic stuff, but

JODY

Yeah. Because what if I’ve changed. What if they changed? What if it just didn’t work out the way I wanted?  If you wanna talk about anything

***Killing Hitler used yet again to show Dean doesn’t care about oversharing hunting stories, but he doesn’t like for people to know personal ones.  Also, Jody mentions her son and her husband.  Her family and her romantic partner.  

Dean wasn’t just reunited with Mary this season. He was also reunited with Cas, after saying goodbye to him at the end of Season 11 when he headed to what he thought was going to be his death as the Amara-bomb.

So, this conversation isn't just about Mary (the “anything”).  It’s also about Cas (the”...absolutely anything”).

Mary chats with Mama Fox and more Points Are Made about hunters not getting to have a “normal life” or family:

MARY

I saved his life. 

LORRAINE

[scoffing] What am I supposed to say to that? After you, Asa got so… Hunting was his whole life. He never married. Never had a family, kids. And now… enjoy the wake. 

***sending Mary on a guilt spiral about Asa (mirroring her other guilt spiral about hunting as a life for her own sons)

Speaking of mirrors:

BUCKY

And Asa loved that Jeep. Fuses were shorted, fuel line was busted. Ah, he didn’t care. He’d just roll up his sleeves, he’d get right to work. 

Time to learn about today’s Big Bad.

BUCKY

Jael. He’s a crossroads demon. And he hangs people. It’s his thing. Snaps their neck, slits their throat. He’s a real piece of work. 

***Wait a second.  Jael is a demon?  Don’t...angel’s names usually end in “el” in SPNverse?

Samandriel.

Uriel.

Gabriel.

Raphael.

Gadreel.

Castiel.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Anyways the demon [questionable] killed Asa and now everyone  is trapped and also In Grave Danger.  

BUCKY

Exactly. Right, so five years later, Jael– he came back, and he came for Asa. 

JODY

How so? 

BUCKY

Asa was seeing this woman, right? She had a kid. 

LORRAINE

Marlene. 

BUCKY

Yeah, Marlene. Jael got into her. It didn’t matter that he was killing people, he wanted Asa to know it was personal. He gets off on it. 

***that’s so weird, didn’t someone else in the show start seeing a woman with a kid - 

what a sexy little coincidence.

oh and didnt  a supernatural being come back right around that time too - 

HMMMMMMMM.  No killing though.  That’s the difference between angels and demons, I guess.

(meanwhile Dean has been drinking alone outside - as he does, and is realizing he can’t get back in)

HI QUEEN

Also, this immediately took me to 

this show isn’t fair.

****sob break****

Jael Posession 1:

So curious how there are two siblings and then one gets possessed by something Satanic and the other one is good at seducing men.

SO FUCKING CURIOUS.

Jael Possession 2:

Elvis. Random.  Though he was the guy who brought up the Stories Sam Was Surprised Were Circulating -

He was also oddly interested in it.  Methinks Elvis thoroughly enjoyed the Jael possession.

Bilie gets Dean back in the house.  The words “one-time deal” are said a lot of times.

BONUS: Jensen why are you so pretty:

The hunters get to work, and I live for Max Bane’s pentagram aesthetic.

MAX

I like a Fifth Pentacle of Mars. It’s got more character. 

***TBH, same.

Jael possession 3:

****Kim Rhodes is even better when she is playing evil.

JODY/JAEL:

I had so hoped you’d kill your mom. Wouldn’t that be a riot? 

[Mary draws the angel blade and charges at Jody. She cuts Jody’s arm before Sam wrestles her away.] 

SAM

No! Mom!

MARY

What are you doing?! She’s a demon. We kill demons. 

******WOOF MARY - I REPEAT TO YOU THAT THE JOHN TRASH WINCHESTER BRAIN ROT RUNS DEEP.

Also did you immediately flash back to this with me?

Gets me thinking that Dean’s feelings for Cas are made twice as complicated by the fact that he is also a supernatural creature.  Another Reason Why John Winchester Would Disapprove.

****Just as he would Disapprove of Sam Being Possessed By the Devil and all that (never forget he told Dean to kill him because of the whole made unclean by demon blood thing). 

Right on cue:

JODY/JAEL

Oh, I have heard so many stories about you Winchesters. And I desperately want the Lucifer thing to be true.  

***Stories again. Jael proceeds to go into Stories That Are Dark Personal Shameful Secrets:

JAEL

As for the rest of you, I have been inside your heads. I know all about you. For example, the twins. Too frightened to tell anyone that they actually came to say goodbye to their daddy. Or the grieving mother who hated the fact that her son was a hunter so much she’d hide his gear, she’d sabotage his Jeep, anything to keep him from hunting. Not that it worked. Could’ve tried harder, huh? 

[She gestures at her own face] And this meatsuit you all seem to care so much about. She actually fantasized about a life with Asa. Can you believe that? Like that worthless man– 

***HMMMMMMMMM

[Bucky gets off the floor and sneaks up behind Jody/Jael] 

BUCKY 

Shut your filthy mouth. 

[Jody/Jael grabs Bucky by the neck and forces him to his knees] 

JODY/JAEL

And you. Bucky. Brave, brave Bucky. I was there that night. Tell these nice, stupid people what you did. Tell them what you took from me. Asa was mine. 

***Excuse me? THIS IS GETTING VERY...subtextual.  A dark timeline supernatural being/hunter relationship [ending badly because demons only know how to take, consume and possess]? ...Asael?  CURIOUS. 

They chant the exorcism, a different hunter doing each iteration (beautifully done) 

and send Jael back to hell, but not before Bucky shares his Shameful Story - he’s the one who killed Asa.

Elaboration:

BUCKY

Asa, he was just all– he was just always so stubborn. Look, we were in the woods. [We see the scene play out as Bucky describes it] Jael, he… he was taunting him. Asa wanted to chase him, but he didn’t have the angel blade. I said, “Let’s go back.” He called me a coward, and he shoved me, so I shoved him back, and he fell. He hit his head. Asa? I didn’t mean to do it. But it was a mistake. Asa. Asa? An accident. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. Asa hated that damn demon so much that I just…

DEAN

Oh, you thought people would buy that Jael killed him? So you hung your best friend to cover your own ass. 

BUCKY

What are you gonna do to me? 

ALICIA:

Tell everyone, every hunter we meet. They’re gonna know your name, Bucky. Know what you did. 

MAX

You like stories. This is the story everyone’s gonna tell about you. Forever. 

***Shameful Stories that Define You, what a theme.  Also, definitely a supernatural being potentially having some subtextual feelings for Canadian!Dean.  Hmmm.

***Funeral pyre and side discussion about how Asa did have a family, and children, and a potential supernatural sidepiece.

In conclusion, Supernatural is a love story.  Thank you for watching this dark timeline/Canadian dub.  You’re dismissed for the day.  Go eat bacon.

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[starshine-selfships]

Hello ! I hope this email finds you well hehe if you do asks in this blog; 💐 How did you and pouf meet ?💐☺️

Thats a GREAT question actually It was definitely a bit of a rough start but getting to watch him slowly warm up to me was a reward in and of itself 💕 (and yes!! I'm pretty much always open for any kind of asks!)

The short answer: The first time I saw him he was out in the middle of the woods furiously playing violin by himself, which surprises exactly no one lmao

The long answer:

I'd gone for a walk to get some time to myself and to check out the woods themselves since the whole area was completely new to me. Against literally all better judgement, the loud violin in the woods drew me in, especially since my family was so sure that there weren't any other people for quite a distance. I'm not sure what he was playing but he never even noticed me getting closer and listening; not only were his eyes shut, but he was also throwing every possible technique and ornamentation into his playing like he was trying to test himself and it honestly intimidated me just a little, lmao.

After a few days of observation, I did finally work up the nerve to tell him that I liked his playing; I had to wait until I was finally familiar enough with a piece just to try to be able to start a conversation at least (also this is a world where I actually listen to pieces instead of just reading composer bios, rip) and I was NOT well-received lmao. He didn't take too kindly to being interrupted but at least looked mildly amused when I'd said that his rendition was the best I'd heard yet. He didn't say anything and after a solid couple seconds of awkward silence and staring at each other, he just went back to playing. He didn't tell me to leave so I took it as meaning that I could stay and listen, provided I didnt say or do anything else.

Pretty soon it was an every day thing, walking around the same time and finding him in the same spot, artistically grinding away at something. He gradually started getting less hostile and even started taking song requests as personal challenges (especially since his focus is baroque while mine's more romantic era). He'd occasionally mention things that had nothing to do with music, just an out of context thought or name, but he'd never actually elaborate on it and would just act like it wasn't all that important anyways.

Oddly enough, things ended up really taking off when he started using his cryptic statements as jumping off points for questions for me. He seemed genuinely curious and we'd spend a lot of our meeting time just talking back and forth, but it still kinda felt like I had to pry responses out of him because he just?? never answered back after asking me things? It was almost as though he was really resistant to talking about himself and all my questions fell flat. He finally started opening up when I didnt leave him with room for an ambiguous answer when I went in a bold direction and started asking about the unnatural skin tone and antennas.

But tbh that felt like a huge breakthrough! He was actually responsive enough for it to feel like a genuine conversation. He'd change topics rapidly in conversation with no obvious connection or reason, but then saw me do the exact same thing except I'd verbalize how I made the leaps and jumps, and that's what really seemed to warm him up. He seemed almost excited about me sharing his thinking patterns and if he didn't like talking before, he made it clear now that he was enjoying himself and that this could be the start of something really wonderful ❤

Tl;dr - found a musician out in the woods and asked him why he was a bug, then proceeded to bond over metacognition

[might-guys-acorn]

Could you please write a story where Iruka is on a date with y/n who was originally his student? It leads to them being in a closed room leading to sex?

Of course! I need more Iruka content tbh, I love this man. Also I realize now that I didnt *technically* write an NSFW piece for this, but I still like it, so I hope thats okay. I love you💕-🦎

TW: Unwanted Advancements, Drunken Behavior

===============================

"Wow. You look. Just. Wow." Iruka stammered, watching you step down from the end of the staircase outside your apartment. You had asked him to accompany you to this party a while ago, after seeing him a few times around the village. Truth is, you'd thought he was incredibly attractive since you studied under him, but that was so long ago, and now the 6 year age difference seemed so small. As you walked up to him, you smiled brightly.

"I could say the same for you, Iruka. You look amazing." You said, reaching forward to undo the top button in his button down, and placing your hands on his shoulders. "But, its not that formal, try to relax, hun."

He blushes slightly, sometimes it was easy to forget how young you used to be. The way your hips rounded out beneath your jeans, not to mention the way you filled out that wine red low-cut blouse. Wait. Inappropiate. He shakes his head, freeing the thought from his brain. It was just a party.

"I- well, we should get going." He stammers, still blushing at his thoughts. You smiled and grabbed his arm, walking towards the party. On the way there, you two fell into conversation about the old days, how clumsy you had been, and how different life was now. He found himself relaxing in your presence, and a little caught up on how much chemistry was there. Was that weird? It shouldnt be, right?

"Honestly, Ive thought about getting back in contact with you for a while, Iruka. Its been, what? Like 8 years now?" You said and he nodded. 8 years. How life has changed.

"Yeah. Seems like forever since you were that 12 year old, still tripping over her feet and begging me to take you under my wing." He laughed at your blush. Even then you had a huge crush on him. You were stunned when you came back from your 2 year mission and he was still single. Who wouldnt love this man?

You two came up to the house, hearing the music thudding inside. It probably wasnt his scene, but you didnt want to come alone. You pulled him inside, and grabbed a beer as soon as you got in the door. He smiled as you cheerfully greeted everyone, you were always a social butterfly. He grabbed a beer of his own, and downed it quickly, this amount of people was going to take some liquid courage.

You pulled him into the kitchen and smiled, finishing your drink, and quickly grabbing a second. You didnt want to show it, but you were a little nervous.

"Not really your comfort zone, is it, Iruka?" You ask over the music. He smiles at you and takes another drink of his own.

"Not usually, but I couldnt turn down an ivite to be your date." He replied, and you blushed deeply. He was so sweet, dammit. You finished your second drink and grabbed his hand.

"Lets go dance!" You said, pulling him into the next room, his face flushed with surprise. Dance? He couldnt dance? But as you swayed your hips, and moved his arms with you own, he found himself enjoying it. Must be the booze. He spun you, and watched as your hair floated in the air. Youve become so beautiful, a butterfly from a catterpillar. After about 5 songs, you two collapsed on the couch in laughter, everyone around you chattering, a few claps from the show of you two swaying in time to the music. You didnt let go of his hand once, and as you sat down on the couch, you felt the bit of alcohol in you, and leaned you head on his shoulder. He ran his thumb over your hand, showing you that this was okay.

"Iruka?"

"Yes, Y/N?"

"I.... Well. Um. Could you get me another drink?" You asked, giving up on the real reason for your disruption of the moment. Not enough courage, I suppose. You just needed a moment to think.

"Sure." He smiled, and stood up, leaving you on the couch by yourself for a moment. But his spot was soon replaced by another. You looked up at this new company in confusion.

"Hey, sexy. Saw you dancing earlier, you could do better than that dweeb." He said, his words slurring together and his hand found a spot on your thigh. You shoved it off in disgust. "Aw cmon baby, dont be like that."

And suddenly this mans lips were on your neck. You sat stunned for a minute, and before you had any reaction, the hot smell of alcohol from his lips were ripped away from you.

"I-Iruka?" You asked, taking in the face in front of you. He had the collar of the man in his tight clenched fists, and he was giving him a look so poisonous it could kill an army.

"You keep your filthy hands off her, asshole." He said, and the man on the other end smirked for a second, right before Iruka's fist met his face. The rest of the party was staring now, as the man crumpled for a second at Iruka's hit, coming back quickly to lunge at him in a rage. Iruka kneed him where it hurt, but not before the mans fist hit him in the jaw. Iruka stumbled for a second as the man crumpled to the floor, clutching the soft spot between his legs.

At this point, you were so overwhelmed you were sobbing, and youd gotten up from yhe couch, running off to a room upstairs. As you shut the door, you heard Iruka yell at the man, "When you forget how to respect a woman, remember that pain, douchebag."

You clutched your heart, sitting on the bed, and sobbed. You just froze, you did nothing. All you wanted was a nice night, and now Iruka's gotten in a fight. Because of you.

Your sobs echoed through the room, but footsteps broke through the vibrations, and you heard the door open cautiously.

"Y/N? Are you alright?" Iruka's voice pierced the room, and your sobs quieted slowly.

"I-I'm. F-Fine." You reply, through hiccups. This was too much. He walked into the room, and saw your tear stained face, rushing over to sit down beside you and pulled you close to his chest. Your whimpers continued, soaking his shirt with your tears.

"I-Im so sorry." You said into his chest, and he chuckled for a moment, placing his fingers under your chin to pull your face up to look at him. He brushed his thumb across your cheek, drying the tears before more fell.

"Dont you dare apologize. Id fight every disrespectful bigot for you. You deserve that, and more, love." He said, and your face heated up at his words. No man has ever said something that sweet to you.

"B-But tonight was supposed to be p-perfect." You said, whimpering, and he looked deep into your eyes, seeing how much it meant to you that he was your date. He leaned in, not even knowing what he was doing, but for once just taking the moment before it left forever, and his lips were suddenly pressing against yours. You took no second to freeze like before, this was a scene youd played in your head a hundred times over, and somehow it was more perfect than youd imagined. You kissed him back, passionately, the taste of beer and built up emotion lingering on both of your lips. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, running your hands through his hair, and pulled him down to lay on the bed, an urgency in the air. As his hands finally wandered your curves, and you unbuttoned his shirt to finally feel the bare skin against his muscular chest, you smiled into his lips. After all this time, all those moments imagining the way he'd feel against you, he was finally yours. And there was no way you were going to let him get away again.

[glossymusings]

(this is a letter I wrote to my boyfriend for his quarantine Birthday)

Hello Popu :)

Lets start this with a smile pleaseee🙈😌

(i clearly didnt know how to start😂)

So Heyyyy Babyy❤️ and *A VERY VERY VERY HAPPPYYYY BIRTHHDAAYYYYYY*!!!!!!!!!

🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂

I write this to let you know that you are the most worthiest thing happened in my life so this letter/whatever is *just an effort* to outline my feelings for you.💘💘

AND This will be the first letter I've ever written to you- or anybody in that case🥺

Well anyways, let me tell you that the tone of this letter may change(more like I know it will change) so that’s just a little warning for you.

This might jump around quite a bit and if you hadn’t noticed…there will be many parentheses because of either my inside thoughts😛, apologizing for putting my thought or something else.

And there will be parts where it won’t even make sense, remember I am stupid and also I am writing this late at night/morning.

But I want you to know that I am going to work hard on this letter and hopefully make it special and not retarded sounding. I will also try to make you laugh with some humor but I know I probably will fail,

but you can laugh at how bad my writing is! Okay?

Also i'll try not to overuse those 3 words (i love you) and scare you off.

AND this has nothing to do with your 20(age)..but i think i don't think i say this enough isliye aaj bol rahi hu and i'll try my best to not make this super duper cheesy and long

the things written below purely come from my pathar dil so much in love with you and also the reason why I am making this is because

it is your birthday and I wanted to give you something at least semi-romantic and

hopefully you will think this is special and you’re going to keep it with you(rakh warna maarungi).

So this is the part where i actually start the letter..i really reallllyyyy hope you like it :)

I really wanted to make an illustration/vector art for your birthday(of you ofc) and i even started working on it but mai save karna bhool gayi.. then i got lazy and didnt make it. (sachi mai save karna bhool gayi 😭🤦🏻‍♀️)

Then mujhe idea toh tha pehle se letter/bday message (but tbh I really wanted that letter/bday message to be better than samiksha's(not jealous)) isliye I didn't start(early).

But phir jaise jaise tera bday paas aa raha tha mere paas aur koi idea nai tha(sorryyy 🥺)

(nothing is more romantic than a letter haina?💋)

toh here it is.(Apna first love letter💋💋🐨)

(all the emojis look weird on whatsapp🤷🏻‍♀️)

.

.

I am trying not to go back to the memories of 2018 when we met( kyuki sirf 2 saal hua hai utna toh yaad rakh🙃) but tujhe bhi pata hai we have come a longgg way and apna journey aur bohot hai I hope :)

Thank you for coming into my life, seriously you have changed me for better(or for worse who knows ;) ) YOU are someone, someone that captured my gaze, my thoughts, my mind, maybe even my heart and i fell for you. 👩🏻‍🦽

You made me feel so many feelings i have never experienced before ;) (thats winky face) and dealt with them in ways i can say i'm either proud or not so proud of.😗👉🏻✌🏻👀

You are literally the best.

My Best Friend(I'm your best friend haina?)

One of my biggest supporter(or not)

One of my biggest Inspirations❤️

One of my biggest Blessing🙏🏻🧐

One of my biggest Strength💪🏻

And My Comfort👩‍❤️‍👨

…. my favourite <3.

And seriously you make me happy in a way no one else can🥵

And Popu my biggest wish is that someday we finally meet again and have the greatest time together.😇❤️🙈

I want to have you by my side so badly<3 But mostly I just want you to be happy and keep on going, because you are one of the greatest persons I know. 😌

And i wish you all the best in life and everything you do with your life. I hope that you are happy and although there may be times i really do may fucking hate you, know that i dont.👀❎

Its always easier to hate the person you love when times get tough.(Well it is for me!)

I hate to face the fact that we won’t be able to be with each other that often in the coming months/year. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I knew this was going to be hard(er) but it didn’t hit me on how close this will actually be.

I have enjoyed every moment we have spent together, even though we haven’t really been doing anything too exciting, this has still been the best I have ever

had because of you.

😁✨

I couldn’t want anything else. I don’t like the fact that I won’t be able to spend my lunches with you or even having to wait for buses on bus stop

or sitting on the back seat of buses and holding hands, and watch movies with you :'( ,or quietly sneaking to terrace or staircase (for a few months.)

No matter what past me has said or future me will say... i just want you to know you will forever own every piece of my heart :').

There’s no possible way I can tell you how much I really do love you. I am so happy you gave “us” a chance,

all I can say is thank you and I love you. I hope you enjoy this relationship as much as I do. ❤️

Ever since I’ve known you, you never left my mind, from that first lecture in D5 until now,

you have made a huge impression and the thought you will always be on my mind and in my heart. I love you so much and I cannot wait

for us to grow together and share so many more years of affection and unforgettable memories, cause let’s face it,

with you everything is going to be an adventure. You are not only my boyfriend but also my best friend.

I hope this year brings you loads of love, health, luck, unforgettable moments, laughter and magical emotions. ❤️

......AND I ALSO MISS YOU, A LOT.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[rainingspellforlove]

a short escape part 1.

a short escape?

“Lets break up”

That was the worst sentence that younghoon ever heard. his world broke down into pieces. it feels like he can’t continue his life anymore. the cursed sentence that made his life miserable. he didn’t know what he did wrong until his dear love said that cursed words. 

that night. younghoon got a call from his beautiful boyfriend, choi chanhee. he never know that the call was the last call from chanhee. 

“Lets break up” chanhee said

“wait- why suddenly? dont be kidding me hun”

“uhm- i- kinda just bored with you, we cant continue this relationship. it’s a dead end for me”

“chanhee-ya, no i can fix this. what did i do? am i wrong? i can make it up for you”

“no, youre fine. youre not at fault. it’s all my fault. just lets break up, dont call me again, and dont try to find me. im sorry younghoon. im really sorry. i love you”

“chanhee-ya, choi chanhee!!-” 

the call got disconnected and younghoon can listen that chanhee’s voice was cracked bcs of crying. younghoon cried too. how can he endure this worst moment of his life. he cant be quiet and crying like an idiot right now. he walked out from his condo and got into his car. he tried to find chanhee. 

he went to chanhee’s apartment and chanhee already leavin. younghoon already called all chanhee’s friends and there was no informations where was chanhee right now. that night, younghoon’s head got burnt out. he was mad. he didnt know his fault and his boyfriend just left him without a definite reason. 

“was our relationship a failure though...” 

then he cried in his car all night long.. the worst night of his life. 

day after day passed. chanhee is really gone and younghoon is a mess. younghoon didnt sleep much. he always late for his class. he didnt eat much and he always went home straight after class ended. it’s not usual for him to be like that because he always hung out with his friends or with chanhee. he just missed chanhee so much. it hurts him just by thinking of chanhee. 

his friends are all worried. there’s changmin, sunwoo, and jacob who always with him. changmin is the most worried one. then the three of them went out together without hoon. 

“younghoonie.. how can we do about it? he’s like a man with no soul tbh” changmin said

“yeah. he’s a mess. i pitied him so much but he wont talk much either. he said he broke up with chanhee and right now chanhee is gone. what happened really” jacob said worriedly

“lets do something for him!! hyung, any idea?” sunwoo said

“ehmmm, AH I KNOW” changmin almost shouted excitedly

“what hyung?” sunwoo asked

“lets go for a short escape!! we can go just for 2 days enough! ” changmin answered

“good idea! lets go to japan maybe? call??” jacob added

“YES I’D LOVE TO HYUNGS!! lets go tell him!” sunwoo said it enthusiastically.

“nahh, lets plan this secretly and tell him d-1 okay?”

“okaay call!”

then the 3 of them plan the 2 days trip to Japan secretly without telling younghoon. and younghoon is the type of person that cant refuse his friends so it must be easy for them. 

- to be continued

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[herstarburststories]

You left me ✘ Barry Allen Imagine ✘

✘ A/N: I'm not even gonna talk about my delay because y'all know me. School's last year is busyyyy. Also, angstttt. Tbh I do not consider this one too much angst. But well. I'm having seconds thoughts about the result but let's see it!

Beta: @lyss-91.

CHECK MY MASTERLIST (bio).

✘ Request: Can you do a Barry Allen X reader and Barry comes home from work and Y/N is gone because she got powers and she couldnt control them so she Avoided Him bc she didnt want to hurt him.

3 HOURS AGO

You looked around with a helpless smile. Every molecule of your body aching, trying to make yourself stop at that exact spot in the middle of the room and wait for him, not just walk through the door and run away.

But you knew that this was the closest act of doing the right thing you would ever do. It wasn't your wish to leave, it was an altruistic need.

You held the piece of paper with her trembling hands while stared at your unique calligraphy in the tough words written there. A single cold tear slipped down your cheek, landing on the letter; proof that it hurt as much as you'd demonstrate into words.

You sniffed and shook your head, pushing these feelings away from your rationality. Doing this was necessary.

Your scarlet boots echoed on the wooden floor as you walked toward the door.

A thump, the door closed.

And there was no love left inside the apartment.

                                ×××

CURRENT TIME

Dear Barry, 

No. That could not be happening. It wasn't possible, not even an imaginary option. Someone had tampered with this, right? He was a forensic scientist, he could grab it, take it to the lab and- 

Oh Jesus. That’s so cliché, huh? Dear and blah, blah, blah. Not exactly my cup of tea - I always wanted to say that-, the only romantic cliché that I ever experiencied was those annoying butterflies in my stomach everytime you touched my skin. 

No, that wit sugary could not be simulated. It was you, his girl. 

See? I mean, read? You, even when not by my side, make me act like a chick-flick romance. Bleh. 

But that’s not the point. The point is... God, how do I say it without breaking our hearts? 

Well, I don’t think there’s a politely way. Even though I'm a writer, I can't make it look softer.

I’m leaving you, babe. 

Or the girl he thought that was his. 

I’m so sorry, I really am. As much as I know that you won’t believe me, I beg you to do so: I love you. Deeply, desesperatly. Pure as the angel that you are, strong as the devil that I am, I love you. Always did, since the first time that you saw me. Or should I say stalked me on Jitters? Boy, that was creepy.

Barry Allen's first instinct was to laugh softly, as he always did when it was something about you. (Y/N), the love of his life, the incarnated affirmation of such a theory like love at first sight when he rolled his eyes at something Cisco spoke at Jitters - mission: coffee and brownie for Iris and Caitlin - and looked to the side, accidentally laying the green orbs on you, not many months ago. Unfortunately, any sign of happiness or lightness was braked in the deep of the Flash's throat. 

You were leaving.

(Y/N), abandoning him. 

Something happened. You know how that blue-haired metahuman, who Iris wrote about could control water molecules? I can control fire by myself. 

I have no idea how it happened, if anything exploded again or some anomalie inside my blood made BLOW. The thing is, if you look inside our room, you’ll notice that some places are burned. I tried to cover it as best as I could. I wish I could say that is what it is, just this small accident. 

But, of course it’s not. 

His heart was racing faster than his feet ever could, almost exploding. The air in his lungs was scarce, Barry could feel his throat closing as he gasped in opposition. 

It felt like having a panic attack, just as he had when he was a child after his mother's death. 

Once again, someone Barry loved was leaving. And he could not do anything about it. Not even now that he was Flash.

He was still that impotent eleven-years-old boy. 

Our postman, Mr. Charles, that old, gentle old man? He showed up today while I was home. As aways, he was really atencious, asking about me and you. When we’d get married. But when he extended his arm to give me the mail, I accidently burned his hand. 

Holy hell. He tried to process it, though only more questions came to distance the answers, just like his worry about you. You must be feeling so bad, so scared, so... Alone. And Mr. Charles, how was he? Was he still alive? Barry wanted to run. Either with his eyes to finish reading it or with his feet to go away, to you. Yet, there The Flash was paralyzed.

He is okay. Alive, at least. 

Reading it was, at least, a relief. Charles was a good man.  Unfortunately the good news was attached to a catastrophic thing, as always. After all, Barry Allen did not win, only The Flash did. 

He wondered why. Why (Y/N) would do this? He could have helped you, the whole Team Flash could. They dealt with similar things, even worse; they could train you until you found the power of self-control. They would have everything in hand.

The ugly answer came hard and fast, like a punch in the face.

Barry didn't tell you that he was The Flash. In his mind, for noble reasons. Protection. He loved you more than anything and wanted you to stay alive to love even more. The hero did not think that would have such brutal consequences. You screaming when you'd find out? Breaking something? Sleeping with a friend for a few nights? All this was understandable. Painful, but fleeting.

But that? That was fatal. 

I love you with every piece of my human being body. You’re the blood in my veins, the happiness in my smile. My sun to the Moon that I am. And that’s why I need to leave. 

With the powers of his persona, Barry no longer had to worry about some trivial things. His mind taking too long to understand something was one of those. But at that moment, his brain was in a chaotic loop, which would leave a wound open for a long time.

If he'd gotten home two minutes faster, maybe it would not have happened. If he had been honest with you from the beginning, he could be comforting you now. So many 'ifs' and only a reality.

If I hurt you, I wouldn’t survive. Neither would you. 

Barry's body was burning. What an irony. It was like he was about to vomit, hands shaking. The tears did not come, too frightened to see the outside world that called them so persistently. Was it his system trying to save himself by noticing that his heart was deteriorating, his senses were already leaving him?

We could just be sleeping and suddenly you'd get a burn. Or worse. I can't deal with that. I can't be okay with being around people while I am not able to control it. Me.

How strange. I always saw metahumans as people and not its. Clearly, because they are. No matter how bad they've become. Yet, right now all I feel is like an it.

I became a it.

I wonder if they felt like that. If I'll ever feel as powerful as some of them seem to.

I need to go, Barr. To far away, to find answer.

The forensic scientist knew he could faint anytime, he was giving up his own mind. 

Keep being everything this worlds needs, my nerd. 

Always yours, 

(Y/N). 

You were out there. Alone, scared. Of course, you could handle yourself. He was fully aware of that. Still, Allen knew how hard it was to deal with such powerful things. Especially when your contact time with the new part of yours was so horrendous.

And it was his fault. He felt it. 

All of it.

Barry ran away and checked the city countless times, that only took a few seconds. (Y/N) wasn't anywhere to be seen, she had probably even left the state. He went back to the apartment, grabbing the letter again. Rethinking and oscillating between his human and heroic speed to do so.

He'd lied to you for months, and still had the audacity to kiss you and promise things that he clearly could not keep up. Barry Allen let his bright star melt and trickle down his pale fingers, hurting both him and you in the process.

And (Y/N) was gone.

His mother was gone.

His father was gone.

Finally, his body forgot that foolish resistance, surrounding to its breakdown. The Scarlet Speedster, Barry fell to the ground in a thundering noise, the tear-stained letter crumpled in his right hand while he put his head between his legs and cried as hard as he could.

He was gone.

[the-bisexual-tribble]

OK I JUST WANT TO RAMBLE ABOUT THE LATEST LEGENDS OF TOMORROW EPISODE REGARDING CONSTANTINE SO READ MORE IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN PURCHASING THIS PRODUCT

Ok, so I’m a big Constantine fan. I have been since 2014 with the NBC show (also loved the Canoe movie when I was younger, despite basically being a totally different character). After the show was cancelled, I went and read the Jamie Delano run of Hellblazer and fell even more in love with his character. He then became my favourite DC character. (still love u Batman)

One of the many things about him that make him special that I’m going to focus on here, as many people know, is that he is a bisexual male character. Not only that, but he is actually one of the FIRST canonically LGBT characters in comic book history. It was established as part of his character not for any political reasons as many LGBT characters today have been, but for a purely creative decision by the author of an issue. However, the bisexual aspect of his character has, of course, been through a lot of erasure and mistreatment. Many artists who wrote for him never cared to address it, and certain show runners never wanted to show it, though no-one ever really denied he was bisexual either. To be honest, although this was maddening to me as a bisexual person myself, in the end I’m a fan of the character himself including all other aspects of him so I just had to accept it and continue to consume every straight-washed piece of Constantine content to feed my needs. 

BUT THEN. The GODLY angels who run Legends of Tomorrow made the decision to bring him on the show and I was ecstatic because already I loved the show so much already, and we also know how they treat their LGBT characters (very well). I knew they would actually show him being bisexual. And when he came onto the Waverider and straight up flirted with my man Snart, I WAS SO HAPPY BEYOND WORDS.

However. I’m also going to be honest for a minute here. I want to make it clear I’m very grateful for the LOT writers introducing his bisexuality and showing it at all. But... I admit I had concerns with how they were handling his bisexuality this season. I didn’t really like them putting him together with Gary. Knowing John’s character well, I thought it was quite out of character trying to make them a couple, and I didn’t feel any real chemistry between them. To me, Gary is just a comic relief character, and their relationship was treated kind of like a joke. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a real big problem with this relationship (it was still cute & I know not all relationships need to be serious, and nothing against Constagreen shippers), but my problem was mostly because I became worried this could be their first & only main depiction of John in a homosexual relationship in the show, and it was kind of disappointing to me after waiting so long for this. After all, he likes women too and he should also have relationships with women in the show, and they would probably want to go in that direction again soon cause Sara was the last girl he hooked up with on-screen. Also, even if they did have him in more homosexual relationships in future episodes, they seemed to only make him flirt and make references to off-screen homosexual behaviour without ever actually showing anything, and I was worried this was as far as they would go with it. And considering in the past seasons they had Sara making out with women through time every other episode, it was feeling again like discriminative treatment of male bisexuals, especially ones like Constantine with a lot of straight male fans they don’t want to upset. I know it sounds like I’m just being salty over something small, but its just I had waited so long for this to happen but I wasn’t feeling satisfied with how they were going about it. 

BUT! ALAS! I underestimated them, and for that I sincerely apologise. Because this week, they did it. So right. I don’t even have words. They even went above my expectations. Not only was it a kind of guy I could actually imagine an in-character John being with, it was a very real and serious relationship that was actually integral to the storyline. They showed intimate homoerotic moments ON-SCREEN. And most surprising of all. They showed John IN LOVE with him (a rarity regardless of the person’s gender tbh). He went back in time and was willing to corrupt the whole timeline to save his love.(Ok yes, he sent his boyfriend to hell himself, but thats just what happens with Constantine so I’m not surprised about that). It felt like something I would actually read in a Hellblazer story.  And I’m not only giving credit the writing, but also Matt Ryan, his acting was AMAZING and so convincing (as always). In his eyes you could see the love, and also the pain of losing his lover.  

So, I’m just beyond happy and satisfied with this handling of his character, regardless of the future events.

And I just wanted to say, thank you so so so sosososososo much Legends of Tomorrow for treating my Bi King so well. 

-Sincerely By a Bi Constantine fan <3

(btw I realise i didnt end up talking that much about this weeks ep, sorry for the false advertising lol)

[poetic-beats]

Hello. Please Read.

Hi, 

As you will notice my blog has changed up recently. I have neglected it over the past 8-9 months and just recently got back onto posting my musings and works on here. I never stopped writing I just didnt come onto this tumblr to share.

I am amazed at how many followers I have thank you all I am so ever grateful to have such amazing caring followers who will message me and reach out to me.

I am always here for you too anon or private messaging its cool and if you ever wanna talk off tumblr that can happen to i have a discord an insta and twitter. 

I have recently been posting about my teespring and now my patreon i created late last night.

I don’t want to spam you all with SUPPORT ME links and such too much. I really don’t.

I am waiting on getting a new psychiatrist my old one laughed at my GP when he asked me to be referred back to her as she discharged me on the 3rd appointment with her. (my old amazing psychiatrist retired).

Long story short I’ve gotta complain to PALS escalate complaints GP has to meet with me and write a referral form and reasoning as to why I need to go to a whole other psychiatrists place outside of my village catchment area. 

She also sent the most awful horrible final discharge letter knowing that we’d discussed I’d need PIP (DLA) because I am not able to work rn. I am mentally unstable I believe I am in the midst of a big Bipolar depressive relapse and my periods have started again (implant) making my BPD and in general emotions all over the place. I need to get medication besides my anti depressants FOR the bipolar. 

I need therapy. I need PIP. But I would have to present a letter and the letter would be my discharge one. In which she is unprofessional and trashes me to pieces. I’d never get PIP with it no one would.

I am also being referred to a specialist in London for FND testing google FND HOPE for more info on that if you dont know what it is.

I also was diagnosed in march after a trip to the hospital and 3 months bed bound with FGID. I have just got a referral letter in to see a dietician. It may sound mild but it left me in agonising pain dizziness blurry vision and i couldnt even keep liquids down hence i ended up in hospital on fluids)

This is not a pity story nor a sob story. I just wanted to clarify and add background as to why I am attempting a more flexible online business model for myself aka merch on teespring....patreon rewards such as commission pieces and now Ko-fi. 

I can barely stand for longer than 10 mins still and if im out walking I can just about manage 30mins on a good day before i get severe uncontrollable movements usually in my arms. Legit was in Holland and Barrett getting the white vego bars and my hand jerked and the chocolate went flying with force and hit the back of the display shelf. I struggle to even grip things such as knife and fork. I shake badly in my hands like tremors etc. My mind is fuzzy..i was scared i’d lose my ability to write i literally forgot the word for ‘window’ and ‘coaster’ ive also misread words entirely. Like i came out of a shop thinking i’d got my mum salmon and cream cheese it was salmon and cucumber. Like what?? 

I also go catatonic i wasnt aware of this til my mum witnessed it multiple times over easter bank holiday. This could either be my Bipolar or a symptom of the FND i dont really know tbh. Ive been dissociating a lot too. And just today i had an hour or so of on and off full body shock like feeling jerks. Oh and sometimes i cannot even swallow my own saliva. In fact this happens a lot. and often leads to me gagging and puking if i cant get to a bin or toilet to stand and spit it out until my body decides it’ll let me swallow again. 

My balance and spatial awareness is off too last week i hit into the door twice and now have a giant ass bruise all the way up my arm. it was one day after the other. So that probs made it bruise worse. 

Okay this is a long ass post I apologise.

Again I guess ultimately i am explaining this all to you. Because of my anxiety. I always feel like being a writer or creator. Isnt a ‘real’job. or that people will send me hate and nasty comments. Like when around a year ago i was doing comissions some people would message me asking about it. I’d tell them it was a £1 for 5 poems (really undersold my work) and they’d shout at me in caps telling me it should be free or tell me to get a real job. I mean if you’d pay for a poetry book or novel why shouldnt you pay for effecitvely what would have been an ebook of an independent writer?

I just dont want any hate. And i know this post could go either of two ways. Either hate even more for me because it could be seen as a sob story pity guilty trip thing which I REALLY AM NOT trying to do. 

Or it could deter potential nasty messages or comments because people might realise oh okay shes legit unable to work rn at least. and she cant even get benefits because my ex psychiatrist is a twothole who hates me and the mentally ill in general. 

But who knows.

Link for my Ko-fi is in this whole ass text post just click some where and it’ll show ya.

[iamsonyeondone]

prince!au // zhong chenle

☆+｡･ﾟfluffy!! and an itty bit angsty  

☆+｡･ﾟ 1.8k words

prince chenle was no doubt born to be someone of a high caliber

even if he didnt have that royal blood in him, everyone’s amazed by his abilities

the skills he has to play the piano at such a young age aS well as sing with the most angelic voice

and that he was meant to charm anyone and everyone who sees him, perform or just as he is

he is also such a hardworking student, as quoted by his tutors

and that anyone who has personally met him agreed that he’s really sweet and altogether a well-rounded person

not to mention how he makes the atmosphere much more calming and fun during balls

especially when he’s joined in by his other 6 best friends

everyone is torn between him and his brother when it comes to the better heir to the throne

but chenle doesnt make this topic of his utmost importance because he’s more than sure that his older brother was going to take over

and he’s completely fine with it, if not, more than proud to have the kingdom be taken by his sibling that he cares for

which also means that he has the choice of doing what he loves most

which was to perform and dazzle the crowd

he’s always performed for the balls held at the palace 

whether it was a symphonic piece on the piano, a heart-warming tune with his voice, or both!!

and he definitely loves the attention when everyone cheers for him at the top of their lungs

until you came along

you were the child of a duchess and you were very popular for being a violin prodigy

from little, you’ve always performed for balls too and from there, you were given the opportunity to learn it on an advanced level when you were scouted

and when you came to one of the certain royal ball wink wink chenle was a little dumbfounded when he found out that there was someone who was just as good as him at performing

but when he saw you perform, putting all your emotion into the violin while your movements remain precise

he cant help but be mesmerised

and you on the other hand, was glad that there was someone you could have a middle ground with

“good evening your majesty, your performance was amazing today,” you greeted him while the adults paired up on the dance floor

“you did pretty well yourself. i’m sorry but i’ve never seen you before,” he turned to look at you, an adorable smile on his face

“my family and i move around quite alot, probably why you’ve never seen me although i was born here,” you returned a smile back, taking a bite of one of the snacks from the table

“i see, so i bet you’ve seen some of my friends,”

“i’ve seen a lot of people of course, you’ve got to be more specific than that, your majesty,” you chuckled

and chenle takes a moment to get a better look at you 

“just call me chenle, its weird when a friend of mine calls me that,”

and from then onwards, the both of you laughed the night away

playing hide and seek on the palace grounds and sneaking some food from the kitchen as well as him showing you wround his favourite hiding places from the stuffy meetings

its safe to say that the both of you became very close friends at the end of the night

and chenle was quite upset when you hear your mother looking for you

“i have to go but i hope we get to meet again some time,” you smile, still giggling from the aftermath of causing quite a mess in the kitchen

“i do hope to see you when we hold another ball in about a month. it’ll be boring if you dont come so you better promise me that,”

chenle lifts up his pinky, wiggling it towards you with a wide grin

with your smile mirroring his, you intertwined your pinkies with his and waved goodbye

during that long painful month, chenle was really distracted by the thoughts of you

the way you laughed at his lame jokes or just by his own dolphin-like laugh, the little stories you tell him from your mansion while the look of disgust sticks onto your face

and maybe it was also the way you smiled at him with twinkles in your eyes

and the sound of your laugh which sounded far more angelic than the opera singers who come by to perform

chenle is scared to admit that he is in fact in love

while you were gladly accepting the strong feelings enveloping your heart

being reminded of his high-pitched laugh always gets you giggling during dinner

which raises eyebrows from your parents

and the way you would naturally squeal when you remember him smiling back at you with his pinky finger raised, makes your butler tease you about it every single day

and when the day comes that you attend the ball at the palace, youre spoiled for choice when your maids show you your choices

“which one looks better on me,Ms Lim?” you tilt your head thinking that it may give you a clearer decision

“the blue one looks amazing on you milady although all of them accentuates your beauty,” she smiled, while you groan in frustration when nothing comes to mind

“could you bring Mr Park in? he’s painfully straight-forwards sometimes but i think it’s actually beneficial in this case,” you sigh, flopping onto your bed while she fetched your butler

when you hear the familiar ‘yes milady?’ you shoot up from your spot and pouted

“Mr Park, i dont know which dress to choose for Chenl- the royal Zhong family ball,” 

and he stands there for a moment, ready to spit out a teasing remark before picking a more simpler outfit from the collection of choices

“contrary to popular belief, milady does in fact look better in something more simple. And im confident that prince chenle will agree,” he smile before bowing and taking his leave

and your face explodes in the colour red at his statement

you slipped into the outfit and twirled in front of your full-length mirror

until your mother knocked onto your door

“we need to talk,”

chenle waited anxiously in the corner of the ballroom, at the exact same spot the both of you had met

and while the other kings and queens from distant kingdoms as well as duch and duchesses greet him, he only had his eyes on finding you

so when you finally walked through the entrance with your family, his heart skipped a beat

and chenle had this big unstoppable grin on his face

that is until your eyes meet and the only thing he is met with is a sad smile

“why the long face?” he greeted you, still mustering a small smile as you curtsied

“its,,, nothing. but dont you think you hear the king and queen calling you over?” you chuckled, darting your gaze to his parents who had been calling him over by the piano

an indication that he started charming the crowds as usual

but with a bigger plan in mind

“did you bring your violin?” he asked excitedly, taking hold of your hand and squeezing it tightly

“of course, but why?” you raise a brow, suspicious of the next action of this mischievous boy

“get it quick, its going to be our first duet together,” he laughed, dragging you towards the growing crowd around the piano

once chenle adjusted himself on his seat and nodded as the cue, he began playing each note with care as you soon followed

the piano churned out a harmonious tune while your violin had a soft sadness undertone to it

and chenle finally had a hunch, even without having you to tell him explicitly

this was your first duet with him and it may be the last

once chenle ended the song, the both of you stood together to bow in front of the audience with your hand in his

and even though the crowd had already dispersed to continue waltzing around the room, chenle didnt let your hand go

“theres one more place i havent shown you yet,” he smiled cheekily as he sneaked his way around the palace guards

even with the numerous questions you had been showering him with, chenle simply shrugged and continued with a “you’ll see”

and when he pushes the heavy maroon curtain away to reveal the small secluded garden, you gasp in admiration

the garden was small yet bursting with life - roses blooming beautifully in the moonlight while the soft splashing of the water fountain came as a comforting lullaby

“i come here whenever i want to fully unwind,” he sighed, taking a seat on a bench that had been sheltered by a short tree yet its branches reached further than most 

“or did you mean when you’re being called to study?” you teased, taking a seat next to him, making him scrunch his nose in annoyance

and the both of you sit in silence for awhile, watching the stars twinkle in the navy blue sky

until a thought comes to you

because chenle, the boy with the loudest and highest-pitched laugh, was quiet

and you feel yourself growing more conscious of the situation

“so why did you bring me here? there must be a reason why since my ears havent bled yet,” 

and when you look at him, he’s not looking back and that once cheerful smile is nowhere to be seen

and maybe your eyes are just playing with you because theres this hint of pink on his cheeks

but maybe you’re just seeing things

“you mentioned that you move around a lot so how long will you be overseas this time?” 

and when he finally stares back into your eyes, sadness evident yet still attempting to smile, your heart shatters into a million pieces

youre silent for a moment, unsure of how to tell him about the news while you try your best to word it in your head

“i’m,,, i might not be coming back- but! ,,,,but its not final,” and chenle smiled, a little chuckle leaving his lips

“then until our next meeting, i’ll look at the sky and think of you. it’s not that hard trying to find some similarities between you and the moon yknow - a little grey-”

and the sad mood lightens up as you nudged him hard, knocking him over as his clumsiness only further pushed him off the bench

the night ended with laughter and giggles as always

and whenever you look at the night sky in your temporary home, you stifle a giggle when you’re reminded of the dolphin laugh you’ve come to love

a/n: ew this is so sappy but i hope you guys love sappy ksjhalfals tbh that last line is so full of crack and if you dont laugh at it, youre not human

[musubiki]

Oh! Oh! What do you think Leaf's and Green's childhood was like together?

NICE,,

➞

(this one actually will be a lil angsty)

the oaks have always lived in pallet town, the redwoods moved in when leafs mom was still pregnant, and her dad was still there. they ended up being great friends with the whole oak family!! at this time daisy was 5, and their mom was pregnant with green

leafs dad was a big adventurer type, his first love was his wife and his second was THE GREAT ADVENTURE he liked to explore other regions and such, and he was also fabulously rich (probably from his family). he died in an accident while off in another region before leaf was born, which is why her dad isnt around. her mom did inherit the money however, which is why the mom never had to work LOL

leafs dad is also the reason she went traveling later on. she thought that if she traveled she would somehow. find him. or connect with him in some way. like she would find him in the adventure out there. she never did. 

green is about 2-3 months older than leaf!!! so he was born first, and then leaf, both beautiful babies!!!!!! 

despite being born in the same town, they didnt start actually interacting until they were about 3 years old. 

they first met when green was outside with daisy and their parents, and he looked over and saw mrs. redwood in her garden showing leaf all the pretty flowers. so ofc hes like. WOW ANOTHER PERSON!! FRIEND!!! and goes over

so hes all excited. but polite. with a “Morning Mrs. Redwood!! Whos that???” and leaf is shy af at this age. shes just quiet and kind of scared tbh. her mom has to push her towards him like “Say hi!” 

leaf wore her hat all the time, and often hid her eyes because she’d been teased about it before. so greens smiling ear to ear because friend!!!! “Hi I’m Green whats your name???!!!”. hes a happy child. very exicted 

and she answers with a really quiet “L-Leaf-” and he IMMEDIATLY “COOL!!!!!! LETS GO PLAY!!!!!” AND GRABS HER HAND AND DRAGS HER OFF TO GO PLAY SOMEWHERE

he was a very cute kid fyi. everyone in the oak family is phenominally beautiful and no one knows why. everyone loves him

so while theyre playing he asks why shes hiding her eyes, she answers because they look weird, and he laughs it off and says he wants to see. at  first shes like no!!!! but he starts playfully fighting her over it and takes her hat off and he has this. wow moment. because. her eyes are like shining rubies and he just stares at her for. a reallly long time.

so shes blushing and gonna cry soon and says “I told you-” and meanwhile hes just. completely enamoured. and this moment pretty much stays with him for the rest of his life because he always thinks she has the most beautiful eyes. 

so after a while of just staring at her his mouth is just hanging open and he blurts out “Pretty.” and SHES SHOCKED.. this is one of the reaons why starts to develop a crush on him. 

ofc from this point on theyre like. best friends. they do everything together . its mostly green dragging her around doing dumb shit and eating daisys baking and watching tv. prof oak completly adores leaf and is thrilled that green is her best friend. he cant wait to see them as researchers or trainers. hes already brainstorming what pokemon he should give them first. hes planning their wedding 15 years in advance. 

they spend a lot of time in the lab watching prof oak do his research and playing with his pokemon. he tells them a bunch of stories about his old adventures.

when theyre about 5 they watch one of the pokemon league matches being shown on tv and this is the defining moment. where they both decide independantly that “one day, im gonna be champion too”

greens parents support him 100%. his father tells him that he will always believe in him and that hes gonna be the best champion ever when he grows up, unlike any champion before him, and to never give up on his dream. this is the reason why green is obsessed with being the best trainer in the world. 

when theyre 7, green and daisys parents die in an accident. this is the point where green gets more kinda bitter and nasty, and daisy becomes more mature and motherly. Its a few weeks after the funeral when leaf tries to go over and see green, daisy tells her he doesnt want to see anyone.

another few weeks after that, she finds him outside on the oceanside at the end of pallet town. even though leaf lost her father, she never knew him, so she’d never feel the level of hurt that green is feeling. at this age, she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation. 

she asks green if he wants to play or watch tv. hes angry, and shes insistant, and when he yells at her to leave him alone, they have a fight. this is the point when green says something mean and hurtful to her and the point where they stop being friends and start being something closer to rivals. 

after this leaf goes home and cries, and after a week or so daisy brings green over to apologize to her. hug it out kiddos. 

over the years they develop into rivals over grades, sports, and literally everything else. despite their rivalry, theyre still surpringly pretty close, and they become the most competative pair of kids anyone has ever scene. 

When theyre about 10 and throughout their middle school, green starts to develop into his snarky and arrogant self. the fact that hes the prettiest, smartest, most atheltic and teacher-beloved kid in school doesnt help his overinflated ego. he starts teasing and kind of bullying leaf more, though he still secretly watches out for her and backhandedly sticks up for her sometimes

meanwhile, leaf becomes more confident in herself and works her butt off to be right at the top with green in everything. even though green is being more of a jerk to her, she still sees that he cares when he does things like defending her against the other kids who make fun of her and grabbing her homework for her when shes sick. 

green seems to pick on leaf a lot more now, and mrs redwood claims its because he has a crush on her. at this point, leaf starts to have a crush on green, which stays for p much the rest of her life LOL,,,,

prof oak is developing the pokedex this whole time. hes concerned about green because of how obsessed he is with being the best and worries he wont treat his pokemon right because hes seen this kind of behavior and motivations when he was on his journey (this story is for another time its long). so he wants green to be a researcher like him, but green is hellbent on being the very best. this puts a lot of tension on their relationship. 

when they both get to trainers school(high school) DAMN THEYRE LIKE THE BEST STUDENTS IN THE DAMN PLACE. THEYRE BOTH FRICKEN BEAUTIFUL ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE WITH GOOD GRADES AND ATHLETICS AND EVERYONE LOVES THEM ITS FRIHFJGN…WEIRD…….all the girls like green and all the guys like leaf.,,.

leafs crush on green only gets worse, especially since he becomes this tall handsome snarky arrogant hot piece of ass that teases her. green never admits it but hes attracted to her too. he thinks shes the most super friggin cutest girl hes ever seen and he still loves her eyes. but he never says this so instead he picks on her lol. 

greens whole trainers school life is p much just. having most of his classes the same as leafs, teasing her probably as an excuse to hang out with her in the halls, getting jealous of any other guy who tries to spend time with her because damnit thats MY RIVAL and whenever anyone sees him with her its just a long session of “…are you SURE he doesnt like her???” “man, idk anymore.”

and leafs trainers school life is trying to keep up with and competeing with green, getting flustered whenever he teases her, being the subject of A LOT of jealousy because she spends the most time with green out of literally anyone, and soft smiles whenever he helps/hangs out with her because shes just. a fool in love

when push comes to shove though, they actually care about each other a lot. green always sticks up for her when another guy or girl is picking on her, or if the teacher is being unfair, or if she gets in a fight with someone, and leaf always takes care of green, gets his homework for him and keeps him on his toes, and they help each other with school subjects and wait for each other after school to go home together and overall, it seems like they dont like each other but they have a good relationship.

[featherfreezombie]

iw SPOILERS

alrighty folks, i need to do a ramble. i saw infinity war, rest is under the cut of course. so SPOILERS!!!!!!

i HATED IT SO FUCKING MUCH SO FUCKING FUCIKING MUCH

alright. let’s get the big thoughts out of the way first. i am not mad people died, i also am not lying on the floor crying like so many have written they do. i feel nothing and it’s infuriating.

you know that effect when the scale goes up and up and up and it becomes less relatable in its one-upmanshit of itself? that was a typo and im not going to fix it. oneupmanshit. there you go.

thanos is a huge problem, i didn’t give a damn in the trailers, thought they might do stuff.. but.. omnipotence is just sooooo fuuuuucking boooooring and his motivations are “i do evil things because of a messed up conviction” but on the largest scale where it just seems so ridiculous and i can’t take him seriously even as he plows through the heros. his little lovey-dovey gamora moments don’t do shit considering how he raised her, set against her sister and all that. your love isn’t redeeming if it’s BIG-TIME abusive you fucking grapesicle.

okay so that’s thanos.

i think the plot and writing was exceptionally bad. everything that happens seemed to VERY obviously set up something they wanted to happen, which is how plots work but you’re not supposed to notice. and if the things that happen don’t make sense, it becomes even worse. just one example was stark’s line of we need to find vis, who might be able to find him “steve rogers might” why would he though?

steve isn’t this huge wealth of intelligence (as in knowledge and information, not smarts), if he had said natasha, that would’ve made sense. if he said wanda, that would have made sense. but no, we needed to set up the civil war talk and steve’s name had a bigger impact. bullshit.

OHOHOH, i should really talk about loki though. i got the feeling the russos just had no idea what to do with him and didn’t care. the only way his final actions make sense is if you view it as “suicide by thanos”. like. standing in front of thanos, giving him some weak drivel about pledging loyalty and then summoning a butter knife in the back of his hand, while thanos’ buddies stand behind HIM, and straight on attack? bull-fucking-shit. i could see how his final words might have been to thor, to say “hey, we’re family, goodbye” and shit.. but in his current state of mind and in that moment, it’s so out of character to do what he did.

loki would have slunk into the shadows, maybe fake being killed so that thanos might feel he had his fun and leave thor. which is what i hope happened, but somehow i don’t believe it anymore, since he would have been blown into space too, i guess. i had hopes he’d snuck onto the donut maybe, but.. nah.. probably not. though i WILL fantasize about loki being on titan too, with a very messed up tony. oh wait, quill’s alive too... right...

great scene by the way, on titan, kill all the aliens and let three human white dudes sitting there. eh, two. strange died too.

-breeeeeathe-

alrighty.

so, treatment of loki put me in a very bad headspace. they didn’t even bother showing the setup of that scene. bruce knows loki was sent by thanos. we will never know what loki actually said to them before they were borded, it’s just cast aside.

so, i am willing to attribute a lot of my grievances with this piece of shit movie to an opening scene that pissed me off ROYALLY. i wouldn’t have minded him dying per se, i was expecting it kind of, but the way they did crushed my suspension of disbelief. the bad writing continued to do that, so i was beside the movie, watching from the outside for the entire time and completely emotionally detached.

i wanted to go home to watch inane let’s plays and play idle games, i did not give a single fuck. i tried, i wanted to like the movie. i even came up with all sorts of plottwists, that might have made things interesting. one of which would be a heel-turn of thor where he kills thanos and takes the gauntlet, now THAT would have been cool and actually sort of in character. i liked his heart-to-heart with rocket about not having anything left, so... i could see it.

my mind supplied all these alternate developments to try and redeem what i was seeing, but no.. aaaaaand the disintegrating. now. infinity gauntlet complete, thanos nopes out of wakanda and half the universe dies. no send-off, no context. it felt like MARVEL culling the herd, that’s gotten to big, it felt fake and random. i mean it was supposed to be random in canon, but it really jsut felt to me like feige standing there with a clipboard going “okay black panther is gonna bomb, don’t need t’challa anymore i guess.... let’s see... bucky, eeh.. let’s kill all this stucky talk. who else. vis, out. (i was gald about that one actually)”

[and would they have killed of t’challa if they had known how well bp was received? maybe they thought it would just add some one-time “flavor” and be like this “see, we can have an african lead too” that didn’t need to be made any deeper. ugh.]

like the only death that had an impact was peter, he’s the only one that got sort of a send-off. i guess bucky, because he was the first, felt special too. it was sooo lazyyyy....

it’s like, we need to kill many people, but it’s also a disney movie so it cannot feel too much like a massacre. it just fucking sucked.

romance! eh. yeah. watching a 20-year old woman with a 2-year old man who looks about 60 is just so many shades of wrong and uncomfortable, god am i glad vision is gone.

there was the obligatory bruce-nat glances, but nothing more. there was a bit of tony-pepper stuff, and i hate that ship. squicks me the f out for some reason. one of them being that they reconciled off-screen in homecoming and i have never seen how there’s anything more than friendship between them, i see the two as a brother/sister like relationship, so the forced romance and marriage and all that, ugh.

quill and gamora is actgually pretty sweet, their moments also provide character development, i like.

ooookay that was a long one and i got a lot off my chest. i just felt hollow and like i wouldn’t be excited about anything in life anymore, i still feel like it tbh. even though i tried to not get hyped about it, because i had tons of doubt, i wanted to enjoy the movie and i so thoroughly didnt, that i do not feel like seeing another marvel movie ever again, and that is some strong shit.

i have measured my life in “how long until thor2″ and “just half a year to civil war” and stuff like that, so... it feels like a huge loss. hope ill get some excitement back somehow, just now i feel nothing but cynical and jaded and i hate it. i like to like things, i like being positive about things and i tried, i really tried.

fuck you marvel