#tell me about the moment your brain rewired

[edsbacktattoo]

nothing brings me more joy than seeing some innocent soul experience ofmd for the first time, not knowing that the trajectory of their whole life is about to be changed. i see people watching before 1x09 and being like “am i crazy or is there mad chemistry between the two leads? 🤔” oh my love. my dear sweet angel pie. your nuts are about to be huffed clean off

[carmenberzattosgf]

NSFW alphabet : carmen berzatto

Content: fem reader, pure filth, size kink (easily skippable), daddy kink (easily skippable), dom/sub dynamics,

Word count: 5605

A/N: This is really filthy. I got a bit carried away as you can tell by the word count. Enjoy ! <<3

A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

He’s a clinger. Carmy gets needy and touchy after sex, so he’s not going to leave your side. After normal sex, he lays on top of you for awhile because he loves the closeness of the physical contact. He’s pressing kisses all over your neck and mumbling how much he loves you over and over again. When it’s finally time to get up, he’s bringing a warm cloth from the bathroom to clean up between your legs. He’s so sweet and tender in moments like this, diligent in cleaning up the cum from your thighs. 

After a dom/sub type of scene, Carmy takes such good care of you. Beforehand he stashes everything he needs beside the bed so he doesn’t have to leave you afterwards. He stores the supplies in a wicker bin: pH balanced sensitive skin-safe wipes, a bottle of water, protein bars and other snacks (i.e chocolate), soothing ointment, your favorite t-shirt of his, hair ties, and even one of those instant ice packs if you need it. 

If you’re in that floaty place, he narrates every single thing he’s doing. Even though you can’t speak, he still wants to make sure you’re aware of what he’s doing before he does it.

“Okay, baby I’mma put your hair up into a messy bun to get it off your neck.”

“It’s going to be a little bit cold at first but I’m using these wipes to clean up between your legs.”

“I’m going to roll you over so I can take care of your bottom, and put some ointment on for you. I’ve already got a pillow to support your stomach.”

Carmy is so gentle while he takes care of you. It’s his favorite part of a scene, not getting off, but tending to you.

“Sweetheart, I need you to try and sit up so you can take some sips of water. Can you do that for me?” 

You’re stubborn and just wanna fall asleep in that floaty place so Carmen literally has to prop you up with pillows and force a straw between your lips. 

“Three big sips—there we go. Atta girl, good job.”

The best part of aftercare is saved for last, cuddling. Carmy lays you on top of his chest so you’re not laying on your raw backside, and softly pets your hair until you fall asleep. 

B = Body Part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He likes his hands. They do everything for him in the kitchen. They’re skilled and precise. Carmy is not the type of guy to be really into parts of his body, but his hands are alright. 

Now for you, he genuinely loves all of your body. Your face, your eyes, everything. However, he’s a major boob guy. He likes them in all sizes. He just loves tits (peep the mommy issues). One of his favorite parts of sex is getting to leave bite marks all over your chest. Send him a nude with your tits in it? Bye! He’s a goner. 

Thighs come in close second. He grips your thighs so hard during sex that sometimes you can make out small finger sized bruises in the mirror afterwards. Much like your boobs, he loves to mark up your thighs with hickies. He knows that he’s the only one that gets to see those marks so he leaves a bunch. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

He’s obsessed with cumming inside of you. The sight of his cum dripping out of your cunt for the first time permanently rewires his brain. He’s convinced there’s no better feeling that filling you up with his cum. He’s nasty about it too, pressing any that has dripped out of you back into your cunt with his fingers. 

“Gotta keep you nice and filled up for me. I don’t want anything to go to waste. Here—“ He reaches for a pillow and lifts up your hips, placing it under your back. “There we go. Now it can’t spill out.” 

If he can’t cum inside of you, he cums on your stomach. The thing about Carmy is that he cums a lot, like the volume is massive. When he cums on your stomach, you’re covered in him. He’ll be fisting his cock for a good twenty seconds before the spurts of cum finally slow down. It’s all over you, dripping off of your hips onto the sheets. The first thing Carmy does is reach over for his phone on the bedside table. He takes a picture of you from the neck down, completely painted with white. The picture immediately goes into his locked camera folder. 

Finally, Carmy would rather cum in your mouth than on your face. He doesn’t want to get any in your eye. He’s truly a sweetheart (sometimes). Once, you stuck out your tongue full of cum for him, and his hard on came right back. His body was ready to go again after seeing his cum drip off of your tongue, down your neck, and into your cleavage. He’s a simple man at heart.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He really wants to try shibari with you, like really bad. He’s been researching heavily into it, about all of the knots and the types of rope. He doesn’t want to get into serious stuff like suspension, but he wants to cover your body in pretty and elaborate knots. Carmy’s mainly focused on the types of shibari that restrains your arms behind your back, making your chest jut out. He wants to surround your breasts with intricate knots. He might mess around with some patterns on your hips and thighs, but he’d rather tie up your arms, not your legs.  

He’s drawn to shibari because it’s almost mixing art intimacy ( because shibari doesn’t have to involve sex or pleasure). It’s a time that he can spend getting close to you while you’re letting go and trusting him completely. The tying up process isn’t short; it can take awhile. He thinks it would make your relationship stronger, and also let him be dominate in a way that’s different from just straight up sex. 

It will take him a very very long time to ever bring it up to you, though. He doesn’t want to freak you out or make you uncomfortable. He understands how much control a person is giving up when someone restrains them. 

In all seriousness, you probably ask him about it after you see a tab open on his laptop. He’s already left for work for the day and forgot to close out the tab. You grab his laptop, wanting to do the daily mini, and when you open it up, you’re met with an in depth rope tying tutorial. 

You decide to tread carefully on the topic when he gets home from work that day, since it seems like he was keeping it a secret. Once he’s gotten a shower, Carmy curls up with you on the couch to watch a little tv before going to bed. 

“I saw something interesting today, Carm.”

“Yeah? What might that be, baby?”

“Well, I was using your laptop to do the daily mini like I always do, and I saw a tab pulled up. Something to do with ropes?” Carmy instantly tenses up like he’s entered freeze mode. 

“Oh—uh, uhm. Sorry you’re probably like—freaked out now and—“ Carmy says quickly, without taking a breath. He’s on the verge of hyperventilating. 

“Baby, baby. Calm down. You’re all good. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” You start to comb through his hair with your fingers, massaging at his scalp in a way that relaxes him. “Why don’t you tell me all about it, yeah?” 

He does just that, explaining shibari and all the research he’s done into it. Carmy’s a bit surprised when you agree to it without any hesitation. 

“You know you don’t have do to this for me. I’m not going to be upset if you say no.”

“I trust you, Carmen. I love you and I know you’ll take care of me and keep me safe. If I don’t like it I’ll be honest with you.”

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

This one is going to heavily depend on when you get into a relationship with Carmy. When he’s newly in New York, trying to become the greatest chef of all time? He’s horribly inexperienced. He barely knows how to interact with the opposite sex without getting red in the face. However, he’s eager to learn! He might not know exactly what he’s doing in the moment with you, but he wants you to feel good. He’s determined to make you orgasm. He asks what feels good and what doesn’t feel good. Carmy’s not afraid to ask you questions during sex either.  

Now if you meet him after he’s back in Chicago, he has more experience under his belt. New York and all of the places he traveled to during those years away from home gave him opportunities to become more confident with sex. Although, he still gets nervous about it, especially when he’s sleeping with someone for the first time. The awkwardness hasn’t gone away completely. 

At this point in your relationship with Carmy, he knows what he’s doing. He pays attention to your body and the way you react to his touch. Carmy learns what you like before you even have the chance to tell him. Every touch of his hands is purposeful to bring you pleasure. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying)

Missionary. No question about it. He wants to be able to look at you while he fucks you. He loves the closeness of the position, getting to feel your legs wrapped around his waist. It’s so intimate, and Carmy craves that intimacy. His favorite part of missionary is when you both are so close to the edge, with your foreheads resting against each other. He gets to look in your eyes and praise you. “You’re so pretty. So fucking gorgeous—fuck, baby.” 

“Taking me so well— always take me so well.” “Love you, love you, love you so much.” 

Oh, and his other favorite part about missionary is getting to kiss you. He fucking loves kissing you during sex. Sure, it’s messy, with teeth and lips clashing together half the time, but he cannot get enough of your mouth. That moment when you have to break the kiss to moan out because of how good he feels inside of you is what he loves about kissing you in missionary. 

Carmy also enjoys anything that lets him see your face. With your legs over each of his shoulders, he’s found he can hit even deeper inside of you. Don’t worry, he puts a small pillow underneath the small of your back to make you comfortable. The angle makes your eyes roll back. 

If he’s honest with himself he fucking loves the position where he practically forces your thighs to meet your chest. His cock his so fucking deep inside of you he just has to make comments about it. “That too deep? Yeah? Can you feel me in your stomach?” Oh, and when he starts pressing his hand on your lower stomach so you can feel him moving in and out of you? The sensation is almost too much. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

This is Carmen Berzatto here. He’s so serious about everything, and that applies to sex, too. He’s just not the type to joke around during sex. He craves the intimacy of sex and doesn’t want to make light of the connection. That doesn’t mean sex with Carmy is overly serious. More so that he would rather not incorporate humor into sex. 

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Carmy is so neat and meticulous. He literally cuts pieces of tape with a knife so it has a clean edge. With all things considered, he keeps it neat downstairs. Definitely not bald, but he trims up frequently. He cannot stand it when it’s crazy down there. 

For his partner? He does not give a fuck about the grooming of down there. Not one single bit. Do whatever you want and he will still be a happy man. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

So intimate. Genuinely, he’s so romantic. Carmy’s kissing all over your body, praising every inch of your skin. It’s honestly jarring at first how intimate and intense he can be in the bedroom. Carmy puts his all into sex, much like he puts his all into the kitchen. He holds you so close the entire time. If you’re riding him on the couch? Yeah, he’s got both arms wrapped around you so your chest is pressed to his. This lets him make eye contact if he wants, or lets him moan into the crook of your neck. Carmy literally wants as much of his skin touching yours as possible during sex. Even if he has you on your stomach, he’s not going to settle for just doggy style because there’s not enough contact. Instead he’s leaning over you holding you up so your back presses against his chest. He sloppily kisses your shoulders and the back of your neck from this position. 

Let’s talk about eye contact—he’s staring right through you. He’s just so observant and doesn’t want to miss a single expression you make. God, the look in his eyes during sex practically puts you under a spell. He looks down at you through the bottom of his eyes with blown out pupils. 

So yeah Carmy makes sex extremely intimate every time without fail. 

J = Jack off (Masturbation Headcanon)

Most of the time when Carmy jacks off it’s all about efficiency. He’s not trying to take time out of his day to get off. He’s the type to get off in the shower after work. It’s quick and rough, but he knows how to get himself off fast. 

Now, when you first come into his life? His routine changes a bit. Before you two start dating, Carmy masturbates to the idea of you. He honestly hates himself a bit for it, but it happens on accident. 

He hops out of the shower after work, puts on a pair of boxer briefs, and sits down on his couch. He didn’t touch himself in the shower, wanting to build up the tension a little bit.

When Carmy starts touching himself, his hands move slowly. Recently, he’s learned how much he likes teasing himself. So, he palms over his covered length, applying the right amount of pressure to make his hips twitch. Without even realizing it, Carmy’s mind wanders to you. 

You’ve been plaguing his mind all week long in the kitchen. Sydney assigned your prep to be right next to his, and he hasn’t been able to keep his mind off of you. In the kitchen, he keeps getting distracted by your pretty smile, and by the little jokes you make during the lunch rush. 

Gradually, the hand steadily pressing down on his hard length isn’t his own anymore. Instead he pictures your hand as the one working on him; that delicate, dainty hand of yours he’s watched prep food all week. 

Carmy gives up on teasing himself once the images of you pop into his head. He hastily pushes down his boxers to his thighs. The tip of his cock leaks with precum, dripping onto his length. Carmy’s head falls back in a choked moan when he finally grips himself. His heart races as he gently strokes his cock. It’s much different from his usual fast pace, but he’s trying to picture how you would do it; on how your hands would be so delicate compared to his callused ones. Carmy wonders if you would tease him, or if you would be dead set on bringing him to orgasm quickly. 

It’s a slippery slope when Carmen starts to picture you taking his cock into your mouth. His hand starts to pump faster as the image grows more vivid in his mind. He’s lost the gentleness of his movements, but he doesn’t care. The only thing he cares about is the vision of you on your knees in front of him. Your lips are swollen as they stretch around his cock. He thinks about the sounds you would make—how you would moan with his dick taking up your mouth. Spit would dribble from your lips onto your chin as you bob your head on his length. What brings him to the edge, though, is the idea of fucking your face. He would hold your head delicately in his hands, but thrust with his hips deep into your throat. Tears would slip from your eyes as he shoves you all the way down so your nose meets the skin above his dick. 

Carmy cums hard all over his stomach, wishing it was your throat instead. He swears he blacks out for a second from the pleasure. When the post orgasm clarity hits, he hastily cleans himself up. Carmy tells himself he won’t do it again, picture you while he’s masturbating, but he knows that’s a load of bullshit. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Breeding— Carmy and breeding go together like peanut butter and jelly. It’s why he’s always cumming inside of you. He wants to show everyone your his, and what’s a better way than knocking you up with his kid? He’s low key obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant. 

Overstimulation— Carmy’s a soft dom. He wants to make you cum over and over and over again before he even thinks about orgasming. His goal is for your head to be spinning by the end of it. 

Spanking— Carmy’s into spanking, okay? However, before he even thinks about doing it in the bedroom he talks to you about it multiple times at length. He clarifies a safe word with you and establishes your limits. You do the same thing with him because safe words and boundaries go both ways! Normally, he’s only going to spank you as a punishment for something. The way you whimper and moan in his lap as he spanks you makes him so hard. It honestly gives Carmy a rush to see you dripping from his hand coming down on your ass. 

Size kink— It’s definitely arises from insecurities about his height, let’s be honest here. Regardless of your height though, Carmy just likes feeling that he’s bigger than you. It’s why he’s so ripped. No matter how tall you are he’s got enough muscle to hold you down in bed. Now, if you are shorter than him, even better. 

The size kink appears in other ways other than just pure body size. For one, it drives him crazy how much smaller your hands are compared to his. Seeing your dainty hand wrapped around his cock drives Carmy up the wall. You can barely wrap your fingers all the way around his length. 

He loves to watch as your cunt takes his fingers. They’re so much wider and longer than your own, so he goes slow. 

Finally, his size kink comes into play most when he’s fucking you. He’s soothing you while he works his cock into your cunt. Once he’s all the way in, he can’t help but point out of the sight of him inside of you. “Look. You see that?” Carmy asks while drawing your attention to the small bulge in you stomach, right above your mound. It’s hard to see when he’s not moving, so he lightly thrusts in deeper so the bulge moves. 

“F-fuck, yeah— I can see that,” you whine in response. Carmy’s hand moves over the bulge and he presses down, hard, before he starts rolling his hips into you at a quick pace. 

“Such a good girl taking my cock like this. I’m surprised it even fit, baby. Taking me so fucking well.”

Praise— He loves giving praise and being praised. He’s calling you everything. His love, his good girl, his princess, his baby. He’s telling you how good you’re doing for him, and how perfect you are for him. 

“Made for me. You know that? Fucking perfect.”

“You’re so pretty. My pretty girl.” 

“I love you so much. Fuck—you feel so good, squeezing me like that—shit.”

And you offer praise back in return because goodness knows Carmy needs to hear it after all those years being insulted in the kitchen. 

“You’re so pretty, too. You make me feel so good, Carmy.”

“Love these muscles,” you say while feeling his abs as he thrusts into you. “So hot how strong you are, baby.” Those types of comments from you make his brain short circuit. 

Daddy kink— Okay, nothing turns him on more than being called daddy. It just, does something to his brain. A pretty girl like you? Calling him daddy? Begging him to fuck you? Yeah, he’s close to cumming in his pants from that. It’s just the soft dom thing he has going for him. He wants to take care of you in every way possible, make you feel good, and provide for you. 

“Please daddy, need you,” you beg. 

“I got you sweet girl. Daddy’s going to take care of you, don’t worry.”

L= Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He prefers a good old mattress. It’s basic but it’s private and comfortable. Carmy also likes fucking on a couch, too. Mainly because if he’s started getting hot and heavy on a couch, he’d rather fuck you there than carry you to the bedroom. He’s all about efficiency!

Part of him enjoys fucking at the restaurant. Not all the time, though, but there’s something about fucking you in a locked office that really gets him going. He has to keep his palm clasped over your mouth to keep you quiet. Whenever he has sex with you at the restaurant, it’s always fast, rough, and passionate. Usually, it’s to release stress, but even if it’s not, you’re going to have trouble walking straight afterwards. Richie makes an all knowing face when you walk out of the office, and heat builds up in your cheeks as you get out of the front doors as fast as possible. 

Oh, and Carmy loves to get on his knees and eat you out while you’re sitting on the kitchen counter at his apartment. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything. Anything at all. When he’s into someone, he’s into them. Your touch alone can be enough to turn him on. 

With that being said, there are some specific things that drive Carmy crazy. For one, you wearing his clothes. 

One time you walked into the Bear before opening hours wearing one of his classic white t-shirts. He thought he was about to have a brain aneurysm seeing you in his clothes. The way the fabric draped over your body— yeah he had to take you back into the office as soon as you walked into the restaurant. 

Speaking of clothes, dresses and skirts are his favorite articles of clothing on you. He thinks that you look so very pretty in them, and he also likes the easy access. 

As mentioned in K, if you whisper anything in his ear involving the word “daddy”, he’s dragging you off somewhere immediately. 

Thinking about this specifically at some kind of chefs’ gala. Carmen’s been in a circle of chefs from around the area talking for what feels like hours, now. All you want to do right now is go home. You make your way up to Carmy, and balance on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Are you going to be done soon, daddy? I’d rather go home and spend time with you.”

You can see the way Carmy’s hands tighten around the glass in his hand before he speaks to the people around him. “If you’ll excuse me, folks. My girl isn’t feeling well so I’m going to take her home. Glad to have gotten to talk to you all.”

Yeah, Carmy drives to the darkest part of the parking lot and tells you to get into the back seat. He can’t wait until he gets home to fuck your brains out. 

N = No (Something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

Anything that would actually hurt you. He limits stuff like spanking to just his hand. He refused to use anything else for impact play. He won’t do CNC ever. Like never ever. 

Carmy also won’t be a full on sub himself. He loves control, and needs to be in control to have a good time. The idea of losing control and being tied up is enough to send him into a panic attack.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Carmy loves eating pussy. He wants to stay in between your legs all day long. He won’t shut up about how good you taste. “So good, baby. Wanna taste some?” He’ll say before pressing a soaking wet finger to your lips. 

There’s so much to say about munch Carmen. He’s so fucking good at it, too. He alternates between licking and sucking at your clit in a way that makes your vision go blurry. He knows enough about your anatomy to pull back the hood with his thumb so he can suck right on the exposed bud. The first time he does it, you swear stars explode in your field of vision. 

He just LOVES eating you out! He gets to look up at you with those big blue eyes as you writhe against his face in pleasure. It makes him feel useful and needed, if he’s being honest. He could probably cum just from eating you out. The feeling of your fingers tugging in his hair, the sounds of your cries in his ears, and the pressure of your thighs closing around his head makes Carmy moan into your cunt like a madman. 

So yeah Carmy prefers to give head, but that doesn’t mean he’ll stop you from blowing him. He tends to not last as long, though. Your warm mouth around him, sucking and licking at his tip. The way your take him all the way back in your throat. Fuck— the feeling of you gagging around him as his cock hits the back of your throat. He’s praising you the entire time, too. 

“Look at you—fuck. Taking my cock in that pretty mouth of yours so well.”

“So good, baby. So fucking good with your mouth—holy shit.”

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

The answer is all of the above. Most of the time he prefers to take his time with you because he wants to savor the moment with you. Carmy’s favorite way to fuck you is slow and deep. He wants you to feel him all the way in your stomach. If he’s in a mood, however, he’s all for being fast and rough. Ultimately his pace is going to be whatever gets you off the best. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies aren’t his favorite thing ever, but he has them often. He hates how busy his work is purely because it prevents him from having  sex with you as often and as long as he would like to. Quickies usually happen at the restaurant in his office. That’s where a fast and rough pace comes into play, because there’s one goal in mind; Get off, and get off fast before someone notices. If there’s just way too many people in the restaurant, he’s not opposed to taking you in the backseat of his car for a quick fuck. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Oh he’s for sure open to experimenting in the bedroom. He will try just about anything that you’re willing to try. 

As for risks, he’s down to take calculated risks. However, once he fucked you in the restaurant bathroom while the place was still the beef because the office didn’t have a lock (He fixed that during the remodel). It was all going great until Fak started banging on the door shouting that he was about to piss himself. Real mood killer. Now, Carmy is more careful about the risks he takes. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Carmy can last for quite awhile. He has so much pent up energy that he can keep going and going. He won’t admit it, but he one hundred percent thinks about his time at Noma to keep himself from cumming. He only has to do it sometimes, though. 

Additionally, Carmy is a two rounds max kind of a guy. There’s just only so many times that he can cum before he’s going to pass out from exhaustion. Remember, he did fall asleep on a prep table that one time. 

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Carmy doesn’t haven’t any toys for himself. His hand has always done the job, and he saw no reason to get something else. 

With you, he’ll use a toy from time to time, but it’s rare. He’d much rather make you squirm with his own hand, or his mouth than with a toy. It gives him a sense of pride when he’s made you shake without using anything other than his own body. 

Now, I can see him buying you a really expensive vibration to use while he’s away on trips. As long as you face time him when you use it so he can get off too, of course. 

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Carmen is such a fucking tease. He loves teasing you in and out of the bedroom with his words. When it comes to in the bedroom, half of the fun for him is teasing. He’s running the head of his cock through your folds mumbling stuff like: 

“Want me to put it in, baby? I can feel how wet you are right now.”

“C’mon. You gotta say it with your words. I don’t know what you want unless you tell me, honey.”

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He groans a lot into your neck. Curses a bunch too, like strings of curse words. Carmen can get pretty loud if he’s feeling really good. When he’s close to cumming, Carmen’s voice degrades into a whine that makes you dig your nails into his back to hear it again. As it reaches that point, he doesn’t care how desperate he sounds. “N-need you to cum. Please cum for me, baby. Need to f-feel you cum around my cock.”

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)

One word. Choking. Carmy loves choking. He’s on top of you and wraps his hand around your throat just enough to cut off the blood circulation for half a second. You go absolutely crazy when his hand wraps around your throat because the euphoria is so intense. It’s like you’re on cloud nine. 

Sometimes when he’s fucking you from behind he wraps his bicep around your neck to have the same affect on you. 

Alternatively, Carmen realizes that he also enjoys being choked, at least a little bit. It happens naturally when you're on top riding him. His head falls back and exposes his neck, so you just reach forward and squeeze a little. Carmy’s eyes pop wide open as he feels the blood rush to his head. It’s so blissful he’s just laying with his head thrown back and his mouth open as you release the pressure. 

“Does that feel good for you, too?” you ask. Carmy can’t even speak, he just nods dumbly at your question. “That’s why I love it so much when you do it to me, Carm.” When you squeeze again, he’s spilling into you with a choked groan. 

X = X-ray (Let's see what's going on under those clothes)

His cock is so fucking thick oh my god. It’s a bit  longer than average length wise, but the girth is massive. You’re not even sure you can take it when he pulls his cock out for the first time. He has to fuck you so slow the first time you have sex because the stretch is just so much. He spends at least the first five minutes inside of you staying completely still to let you adjust to his size. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He’s down to have sex whenever and wherever (as long as it’s private). Carmy feels like he doesn’t fuck you enough as is, which is why you two are increasingly having quickies in his office as his time becomes more consumed by the Bear. 

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Carmy is very much awake up until the point he finishes your aftercare. Meanwhile the second you cum you’re fighting your eyelids begging Carmy to cuddle you to sleep. He has a job to do, though, he needs to clean you up, and carry you to the bathroom so you don’t get a UTI. Once he’s finished with after care he’s out like a light with you tucked in his arms, resting on his chest. 

[sfehvn]

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Description: Astarion left twenty years earlier, after defeating the elder brain, in search of a cure for his vampiric condition. Tav has not been coping well. A/N: A little angsty, alcohol abuse and Tav being overly-sexual in hopes of feeling some comfort in Astarion's absence; if you aren't comfortable with that you may want to skip this one! Also eludes to Tav being a sorcerer elf, but nothing is explicitly stated. Enjoy! :) Rating: M (18+ minors DNI) Word count: 2,438 Characters: Astarion x Tav

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  The gnawing sensation that remained deep-seated in your gut had all but dwindled. Nights filled with booze and meaningless sex did little to appease the hunger that twisted your insides viscerally. That damned vampire had only been in your life for but the slightest fraction. Somehow, he utterly rewired your brain's chemistry in such a minuscule time frame.

  “So that’s it then? You’re leaving after everything we’ve been through. Just like that?” The bitterness that dripped from every syllable was palpable as you spoke. An air of disgust and heartbreak hung between you and Astarion.

  He remained silent, the cogs of his mind turning while his face remained unreadable. “I will return for you, Tav. I swear it. I must do this alone.”

  The scene dissipates into the back of your otherwise empty mind. You had waited. Waited patiently for the return of your lover; spent years willfully ignorant to the fact that he had wholly left you. Two decades came and went before the realization sunk into the essence of your being. He was just gone. The many conquests that filled your bed were always reminiscent of him in at least one way, though you were never able to quench that desire. A white-haired man sits before you, telling fantastical stories, no doubt with the intention of bedding you. You would let him, of course. As he speaks, hands moving with a pristine emphasis of his tales, you can only discern the differences from your once-lover. His locks share the same silver hue but are much too short compared to Astarion’s. Soft tufts of curls are nowhere in sight; the stranger’s hair is pin-straight. The longer you listen to him speak, the more you coin him a prick. The ego wasn’t far from your lover’s, but it was without the redeeming charm you had grown to love.

  Despite all of this, you would still follow him to bed, or perhaps a latrine is more this man’s prerogative. Either way, you hoped you could squint your eyes just enough to forget the differences and see a glimpse of Astarion instead. 

  “Riveting as this conversation is,” You cut the stranger off, and your hand sits on his arm seductively. “I speculate we may get on better in private. Naked.” The pungent scent of alcohol is unmistakable. If it were a decent man before you, he may have chivalrously rejected your advances for fear of taking advantage. This was no decent man, though; he proves it by taking your hand in his and standing from the bar. You had been right about the latrine. He props you against the wall in the outhouse and has his wicked way with you. Your mind is numb as he pounds mindlessly into your mound. You squeeze your eyes shut, and try as you might, your lover is not present in the moment. Instead, you feel dirty, used, and ashamed. 

  You allow the man to finish, as it only took him a measly two minutes. You had counted. You didn’t bother faking your own orgasm. This one didn’t care. You adjusted your dress until its hem fell to your ankles. “When can I see you again?” He asks. You brush past him wordlessly. His shameless contention is not lost on you as a distasteful ‘bitch’ elicits from his mouth. You pay your tab and start your trek back home. 

  “Why, though? We’re a team! I told you I’d help you find a cure, Astarion. Please don’t leave me.” Painful tears sting at your eyes, once filled with so much sunshine and radiance. There had even been a touch of naivety to you at that time in your life.

  “I don’t want you to.” Astarion was sharp, pointed with his words. “You deserve a break. Months of leading a group of brain-wormed buffoons; you need it. It won’t take me long, and I will be back. I’ll always come back for you.” He reiterates.

  The possibility of death was not unfounded. The bitter truth was brutal to swallow but did not subdue your anger. If death were his fate, you could have saved him as you had many times before. It was entirely preventable if the case; he was just too stubborn to see it. Radiance of wealth exuded from your residence; nothing but the best for the hero of Baldur’s Gate. You scoffed. How trivial these things were when you did not have a soul to share it with. Your friends had all gone their separate ways, aside from Wyll and Karlach, who had come to find a happy union together among their time spent so closely in Avernus. Gale had forged a family with a lovely lady from Rivington and now had two children barely into adulthood, himself somewhat up there in age. Lae’Zel wasn’t the best at keeping in touch, but last you had heard, she was off kicking ass like always. Surprisingly, Shadowheart visited you as regularly as she could, but that was still seldom.

  All of your old traveling companions had gone on to do great things in their own ways. You were happy for them, you really were, but it’d be a lie if you didn’t admit there was some part of you that envied them. Envied the fulfillment they found within themselves, in the love they discovered in other people. All you had to show for yourself was a house too big for you alone to maintain and, admittedly, a bit of a drinking problem. You grumble as you fight to get the key into the lock of the front door, eager to wash the escapades from earlier off your body. 

  You slink into the tub's warm water, allowing the liquid to engulf you as you stare at the wall absently. What would you be today if Astarion was at your side? It was a question you had asked yourself a million times over. Probably not the calloused person you became. Not living off of any alcohol you could get your hands on, certainly. Recalling the abandonment made a lump rise in your throat, and you quickly choked it down. No, you would not spill another tear for the man who had left. You would not.

  You couldn’t.

  You stare at the nearly empty whiskey bottle across the room, but you are sure there is at least enough for a little glass left in it. You refrain from pulling out of the tub with the sole purpose of pouring that glass and instead scrub your body clean. Relief floods over you once you’ve successfully washed off the remnants of the stranger. His seed had stuck to your stomach like a paste when he pulled out, and the way it dried and tightened over your skin had made you want to vomit. You only exit the round tub once you’ve washed your hair. With your silk robe tied loosely around your body, chest exposed, you make a beeline for the whiskey glass that had been teasing you from across the room. A sigh of contempt leaves your mouth when a single drop drips out into your glass. You recap it and debate tossing it, but decide that will be a problem for future you. You take the candle that lit the washroom and shuffle into the hall, holding it far enough in front of you to provide adequate light through the long, dark corridor. The sound of creaking floorboards halts you in your tracks. The sound did not come from beneath your feet, but instead downstairs. Your ears strain in an attempt to make out any other noises. Another creak this time closer to the bottom of your stairs. 

  You blow out the candle and a quiet incantation for darkvision leaves your lips. There was no fear, whatever sorry bastard chose your home to break into would surely change their tune once they’re at the other end of one of your spells. Suddenly more alert and prepared for whoever emerged, you felt yourself sober as the adrenaline coursed your veins. As quickly as you’re able to make out a faint silhouette bounding up the stairs, another hymn leaves your lips. 

  “Ignis.” 

  A firebolt protrudes from the palm of your outstretched hand, bounding quicker for the stranger than they can respond. A searing sounds as it bores straight through the uninvited guest’s clothing, sizzling with now charred flesh. They groan in agony, the silhouette clutching at their injured chest. “You’re quite lucky I like a good chat, or you’d be dead already. Who are you and why are you in my home?” Your voice was unwavering and void of any emotion other than conviction. 

  “Well, I’d be lying if I say I’m surprised. I do suppose I set myself up for this one, darling. Always the sharp-shooter, you are.” The man attempts a laugh, but it’s lost under the pain in his voice. That voice.

  His voice.

  Forgotten under a sea of other voices, but you place his cadence immediately. You want to run to him, feel the way his arms fit so naturally around your body, let your lips fall upon his. Your first instincts are quickly replaced with anger. Betrayal. You wanted to hurl another firebolt at him; hells, a fireball would’ve been better but you bite it back. You were angry, but becoming homeless after burning your home down was not something you were prepared to deal with. With a small flick of your wrist, you light the sconces that line the hall and you’re met with the illuminated sight of Astarion. He looks not a day older from the last time you had seen him, dare you say he looked even better.

  There’s a tinge of color to his flesh, like he’d been kissed by the morning sun many days over. There was a pink hugh to his skin, reminiscent of fresh blood pumping from a beating heart. Your own skips a beat at the picture of him before you. He was alive. Alive alive. Gone are the ruby-red eyes you had grown to love, replaced with eyes as golden as fresh honey shimmering in the light. You chew the inside of your cheek in an attempt to fight back your tears. Your face remains unchanged despite the flurry of emotions assaulting your brain and heart. “Why are you in my home?” You repeat, as if you had no recollection of the man before you. 

  Astarion’s features reflect the hurt that he feels from your reaction but quickly he masks it. “Not exactly the welcome-home I was imagining, if I’m telling the truth. This is quite the place you’ve got. I’m pleasantly shocked at how well of a job you did decorating, dear. Though I will probably have to make a few adjustments-”

  “Twenty years.” You whisper incredulously, cutting Astarion from his rambling stupor.

  “I’m sorry?” 

  “Twenty years, Astarion!” You shout. You’re no longer able to hold back the floodgates in your eyes. They prick unforgivingly, threatening to pool over onto flushed cheeks. “Twenty years you were gone! And here you are, acting like nothing happened; acting like not a day has passed since we’ve last spoke!” You wipe the tears from your face, angrily laughing that your emotions had betrayed you so. “You don’t even know who I am anymore and you think for a second I’ll allow you in a position to hurt me again?” 

  Astarion is taken aback by the furious passion that laces your every word. The wound he had been nursing with his hand is abandoned as he attempts to step closer, but you take a swift step back. “It had to be done, Tav. The journey to get where I am today was an arduous one. One that I was not willing to ask you to take with me.”

  Your jaw clenches, and there’s no time to collect yourself before you respond. “You didn’t have to ask. I told you I would have followed you through the hells if it meant being with you.” You practically spit the words. 

  “I wouldn’t allow that.”

  “Gods, Astarion! Are you so dense that you don’t see it wasn’t your decision to make regarding what is best for me?” The venom is thick in your tone. “Maybe I would be some semblance of the same person you abandoned all those years ago if I had at least gotten to say goodbye. Perhaps if you had sent a letter I’d be a little more forthcoming with you right now.” 

  “It was not my intention to abandon you.” He quips back, but sees it was the wrong thing to say as the fire burns brighter behind your eyes. “Against my better judgement I guess that is what I did. Only because I couldn’t fathom saying goodbye to you. I-” He pauses for a beat. “I thought it may make things easier on you, too.”

  The laugh that leaves your mouth was a chortle, filled with malice and sarcasm. You grasped for anyway to hurt him in the way he hurt you, “Well you ruined me, Astarion.”

  “I did not, you look-”

  “Looks are deceiving. I would figure you know that by now. For example, just by looking at me you probably can’t tell I drank my weight in whiskey today. Or yesterday. Or the day before.” You purse your lips. “You probably can’t tell that I allowed a bastard of a man to open my legs and fuck me simply because he shared your hair color just earlier in the evening. Or that a tenday ago I fucked another man who’s laugh almost made me believe you were there. Only for a moment, of course.” There was shame in your words and you wanted to cry harder as you voiced all of the ways you had failed to care for yourself. The desire to make him feel what you felt was too great. You wanted him to hate you the way you had grown to despise him.

  His arms pulled you firmly against him, his head ducking to bury his face into your wet hair. You soften under his touch, allowing yourself to go limp as he holds you. Guilt eats at Astarion’s subconscious as you cry into his shirt. It didn’t matter if you tried to push him away. It didn’t matter what you had done to cope with his absence. He was home and he was going to prove to you that he was not going anywhere ever again. Everything he had gone through in the past twenty years, he had powered through with the thought of making it home.

  You were his home.

[sixosix]

thinking of childhood friend lyney 🧘‍♀️ with a bit of possessive lyney 🧘‍♀️ like you've been by his and lynette's side for as long as he can remember you are his !! lynette kicks his shin everytime he dramatically leans on you after not seeing you for two hours

this isn't rlly written just a bunch of word vomit bc my brain is rotting anon i love you i love this bless you and your brain

Childhood friend Lyney unable to keep himself away from you because he just has to be there the way he’s always been…

Lynette tells you that she doesn’t see him turning that way if it weren’t for you—like Lyney’s brain got rewired to fit you in his life, and what an effect you had. Lynette is almost embarrassed having to go out in public, and Lyney follows you around like some lovesick puppy, momentarily forgetting about his significant reputation.

He’s the type to say, “Wow, I’m so honored you thought of me and ordered my favorite food. You know what it is? I love you so much.” And you’re like, “I was the one who introduced you to this dish.”

Please also think about the way it’s so natural for Lyney to curl up against you. Sitting on the couch? Lyney’s head is on your lap, either diligently practicing cards or listening as you read the book in your hands out loud. Or sleeping. He often argues that your warmth is the best comfort he could find himself sleeping in—and it just goes to show how comfortable he is with you.

You can just be standing, and Lyney will be there. He’d have his arms around your waist and his chin on your shoulder, watching silently as you flick through paperwork.

And that’s another thing: you’re one of the very few ones who witness Lyney when he isn’t blabbing his mouth trying to keep your attention on him. You’re one of the few who know that he’s much more quiet when he’s out of his leather gloves and top hat. He’s quieter, yes, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t draped over you somehow when he is. The quieter, the clingier.

Another thing is whenever anyone tries to talk to you, and god forbid tries anything, they’d suddenly be all too aware of Lyney’s eyes, and they start sweating. The magician usually keeps a friendly smile, but they’d see Lyney’s piercing gaze instead, as if daring anyone to come and take you from him. No one can. Lyney can be terrifying when he wants to be.

Everyone assumes that you’re dating when they see you and Lyney, which is exactly what he wants. No one would approach you with the intent of trying anything—they’d hate to mess with Lyney. Who knows what tricks he has up his sleeves???

It certainly doesn’t help that you spoil him rotten, too. If Lyney asks for a kiss, you’d kiss him all over his face and leave him a mess of a puddle. If Lyney asks for your attention, you’d cup his cheeks and look him right in the eye, often enough to leave him flustered—he can never get used to the way you look at him. You’re really the only one who can do that…

It’s like every time he sees you he falls a little harder. Which is hard to mess with because there’s nothing he loves more than his eyes and hands on you. Like puzzle pieces.

Lyney doesn’t even remember the exact moment you became a part of his life. It was like he could look back and just picture you laughing by his side, and the numerous times he thought to himself that he wouldn’t ever let you go. (and he never did actually lol)

[simplydnp]

Why is everyone rooting for it takes two? Tbh its one of my least fav gaming videos. I havent even watched the whole thing bc i get bored… why do yall like it so much??

i am so sorry you feel this way bc it takes two is one of the Best dapg we have ever gotten--revival run or otherwise.

despite dnp's arguably most popular playthrough (undertale) being composed of long videos, dapg doesn't generally post Long videos. so it's sheer length of 52 minutes is a revelation.

combine that with gameplay that both of them get to partake in, and you already know you're in for an excellent ride. again, they don't generally play a lot of 2 player computer games, despite us knowing they spend a Lot of time gaming together, so already it feels special since they both get to play.

the game itself is very dnp-coded, which they even comment on. it's a creative exploration through an emotional and difficult time, and yet, it still has time for humour, teamwork, and enjoyment. this game is a Journey--that's the whole point. and dnp are Very good at navigating it, in the way they do things best: together. (and you can't tell me phil's multiple 'i am your husBaand' didn't rewire your brain)

the grandness of the it takes two video is in their synchronicity. we've got video evidence of them struggling to play co-op games together--they even think it's going to go poorly, as it takes two has a Reputation for being quite difficult, particularly the boss battles. there's a reason it's the marraige counselling game, in a sense. and yet they skated through it. constantly on the same page. it's symphonic.

alongside that it's just a pleasure to sit down and watch. the bants are on point, the vibes are focused but chill, and the length of the video plus the quick turnaround upload speed during gamingmas meant that there wasn't a lot of editing to distract or disrupt the vibe. it's a very raw and unfiltered dnp--it's cozy. there's something about it that's just calming for the soul.

i enjoy getting to feel the Flow of a story, especially alongside the people i'm watching play it. despite the varied environments and quick-paced sections, i never felt lost in regards to the narrative (unlike their Brothers video). but still, there was high-octane moments! space for bants! a little bit of a respite in all the chaos.

maybe i need to say it with my full chest but trust and communication are my kink and no dnp upload demonstrate this better than it takes two. as fond as i am of dan's outbursts and yelling, there is nothing like watching dnp on the same page just absolutely crushing a task. there's a time and a place for both, but i much prefer them both having a good time as opposed to constantly bickering over something (hence my preference for the it takes two gameplay compared to the bread & fred video, though i'm curious your take on that particular video as it's quite the contrast)

almost everyone Knows what we come to dapg for, and it's not usually the gaming. this video takes that and makes the gaming Part of it in the best way possible.

plus, i'm eagerly awaiting them clickbaiting us with another insane title like 'dan and phil get divorced' was. truly excellent no notes.

[stuckinapril]

how do u overcome the fear of failure when ur not instantly good at something? i’ve been interested in engineering for a long time but i didn’t major in it because the high level calc and physics courses didn’t come to me naturally and i’m a perfectionist who hates failing or struggling 🥲

No one is too dumb for something. It’s not that you’ll just “never get” physics or calculus—it’s a matter of playing around w the material and seeing what works best for you. It doesn’t make those who process things at a faster pace superior to you; it just makes them different. Ik it might sting to struggle for a little bit, I’m also a perfectionist and I still have moments where I want to avoid topics bc I fear failure, but think of how satisfying it will feel once you get the ropes down & things just start making sense.

You have to put your desire to grow over your aversion to struggling at it. I’m personally terrified of stunting myself by never pushing myself hard enough, and that usually keeps my ego in check when it comes to stuff like this. If you’re not struggling, you’re not growing. Period.

You’ll have more to say by the time the interim of discomfort is over. This world is oversaturated w nepo babies / protégés / people who’re just naturally proficient… but they don’t have much to say as far as struggling to get good at something goes. The most digestible analogy I could think of is having acne & wanting to consult someone about it. Who do you think would have more to say about that: someone who never struggled w skin problems a day in their life, or someone who had major skin problems but now has glass skin? Probably the person who struggled but paved their way through it.

No one is going to point at you one day and laugh at you for having once struggled in physics or calculus. Once you’re an engineer you’re an engineer, same as anyone else. It’s very rare for people to care how long it took you to get to the finish line. They just care that you’re there.

My neuroscience prof said this once & it literally rewired my brain—but half the mental battle is just thinking that excelling at something is in your future no matter how long it takes, how hard it may be, or what you have to do to excel at it. Literally just telling yourself “I know I’ll get good at physics and calculus no matter what, I just need to figure out how” will help you sm. This is my form of manifestation lol even if I don’t believe in manifesting or anything like that. It’s legit just telling myself that I’ll get what I want eventually, so long as I work hard for it.

[clip-the-simp]

Not Much Else [Pt.1]

Ao3

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

Pairing: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2,956

Warnings: canon typical violence, swearing, mention of drugs and surgery, (I’m bad at warning tags so just let me know if I need/should to add some)

Tags: Mild Proofreading, reader had bat wings, Bounty Hunting, deviation from TV show, pre!show events(?), (Again I'm bad at tags so let me know)

Summary: You're a vault experiment that makes it to the surface. Quickly you learn the lay of the land and a few years later end up working the same bounty as The Ghoul. You convince him to let you take a long after having a feeling that you just had to follow him. Where will this story lead? Only time (and my motivation) will tell.

A/N: this is cringy as shit so please forgive me. I’m trying to get back into writing and my current hyperfixation is Fallout. I've been a fan for years but a new found love was sparked with the show's release.

Be forewarned that this is going to be incredibly inaccurate to cannon events and really unrealistic honestly. But listen. If Lucy can have her finger zapped back on and working properly anything can happen.

The scientists of your vault had placed nearly 200 hundred people into cryo pods before the bombs had fallen. A few had been scientists, but most were test subjects. Those chosen to be experimented on were chosen from a vast array of different medical histories, genetic makeups, ages, and ethnicities which always resulted in different mutations. Only about one third of the subjects had volunteered, while the majority had been simply manipulated, kidnapped, and or drugged before being shoved into a cryopod.

You had been one of the majority that had been kidnapped. Before the bombs, you had been a star in HollyWood and went on to be in several films which included a western or two. You were still fairly young however, so when the threat of bombs falling had started to rise you had been cornered. A white cloth with chloroform was shoved into your face once you had gotten back to your film trailer after wrapping up the final scene for a movie you were co-starring in. You had only woken up for a brief moment after being kidnapped, which was right before they had shoved you into a pod and began the process to preserve your body for the next century or so.

When the scientist decided it was time to start experimenting, some wouldn’t survive the first round of injections but that never did stop the test. Even after death the bodies would continue to be used to determine different severities of treatments on human tissue.

However, those that didn’t have the fortune of passing within the first few rounds of chems being forced into their veins, they had far worse ahead of them. Which just so happened to be the group of unfortunate folks you wound up being.

It had been about 175 years after the bombs dropped before they dethawed you from your cryosleep and started on their process of testing and modifying your body. They had hoped, just like with all of their other experiments they had running, that you would be one of their best.

After the first initial round of chems they had started to cut into you and spliced your DNA with multiple different creatures. First it started with the removal and rewiring of your eyes. They had been replaced with those of a feline which had taken you months to recover from, but that didn’t stop the minor test they continued to perform.

The rewiring in your brain caused excruciating headaches for the first few months but soon you were able to view things from a new lens. Being able to see more than most at night was a great perk to have when the vaults tended to stay poorly lit. However this also caused you to have some sensitivities to bright lights, so in response to that the scientist designed specialized goggles to combat it but made them so they wouldn’t impair your ability to see at night with them still being on.

The next body modification came when a scorchbeast, a large mutated bat creature, had been killed and dragged into the vault. After careful consideration and candidate evaluation you had been chosen to be subjugated to the experiment. No one knew if your body would reject the new muscle and bones that had to be implanted, but your genes had the most likely success rate when looking at the data provided.

After a full year of recovery you had full mobility of the limbs, and with it having been a young scorchbeast, the wings hadn’t been to terribly large in comparison to your body. You had been due for more body installments but before the scientist had the opportunity to stick another knife in you all hell had broken loose.

One of the more aggressive test subjects had escaped from their enclosure and started wreaking havoc upon the vault. They had managed to set other people free while in a blind rage when they had broken into the control room. In doing so not only where you set free but so where all the others, including those in cryosleep.

However you hadn’t stuck around for long once everyone, mutated or not, had started attacking one another in a panic. Having seen map layouts of the vault in the halls on the way to your surgeries, you had been one of the first to make it to the surface and begin your trick through the waste land.

After a week you had managed to find your way to a town which was both a blessing and a curse. Outside the walls of the town there had been a dead man who still had his clothes on. Having realized you were still in your medical gown, you had stripped him of the garments, minus the underwear, and cut a large hole in the back of the shirt to accommodate for your wings. With pants and a shirt on you were now a little more confident when entering the settlement.

Even after getting more than a hospital gown on, people still had given you strange looks as you walked the streets. They snarled and ogled at the wings sprouting from your back, and even after tucking them under your arms while pulling them close to your sides, it didn’t stop the stairs. Your goggles had remained pulled over your eyes during the majority of your time on the surface, but you could tell people could still see the slits that were your pupils.

You had quickly learned the ways of the waste land. Caps controlled everything, violence was always the answer, and it was kill or be killed. So when a man suddenly cornered you in the alley way of that first town you were in, you quickly became a killer. Whether it was the animal genetics fused with your own or your will to survive, you had proceeded to rip that man's neck out with your teeth when he had gotten close enough.

In doing so you had gained a handful of caps, a slightly rusted knife, and a pistol that had enough ammo to mow down a small horde of ghouls. The only item of clothing you peeled from his body was a weathered trench coat made of leather. That had managed to cover your wings if you kept them tucked close enough, although a bet awkwardly.

With the handful of caps you had gathered you had managed to get some accentals and learned about bounty hunting. If you were going to survive in the world you had to adapt, and so you did.

Two years had passed since you first began living on the surface when you had encountered The Ghoul, face to face, for the first time. Both of you had been working the same job when the target in question got smart and hired a few armed guards. The two of you were knocked unconscious and tied up in a rotting building while the target and his goons ran off. You had come to when the splitting pain from being knocked out finally became too much for your body to suppress.

As you peeled your eyes open, you started to realize someone was tied to your back as you and the other person sat on the sand covered floor of the decaying house. Shuffling a bet you tried to grab the knife at your side but soon heard a groan from the person you were tied to. You hadn’t bothered before to try and see who it was, hoping to have gotten untied from one another before they had the chance to wake up and possibly kill you.

“Fucking hell.” You heard the man mumble as he tried to get his bearings as you had. Your heart made its way to your throat as you realized who it was. Although you had never met the man you recognized his voice from the rare occasion you had been in the same town together at the same time.

Fuck fuck fuck! You thought as you continued, more hastily this time, to try and get the knife at your side. You had never paid The Ghoul much attention, however you know of his reputation and that he was a gifted gun slinger. However, while you hadn't paid him much attention, he had been studying you. He had started to recognize you any time you just happened to be in the same town. It wasn't anything more than the fact you were exceedingly odd and always looked out of place from those shuffling around you. Although he was a ghoul and the farthest thing from normal looking, your wings would always take any and all attention from those around you. No matter how well hidden you tried to keep them.

“Stop fidgeting damn it.” Your body immediately froze as he spoke directly to you. A few shuffles of his own and he quickly had his hands on his own knife which sliced through the rope with relative ease. You fell forward slightly as the tension from the rope was released and you quickly stood to dust yourself off.

Turning around you saw The Ghoul doing the same thing as he stood. His duster was ripped to shreds but still served its purpose of covering him from the sun. The cowboy hat he held in his hands was quickly placed back on his head before he turned to glare at you. His spurs jingled a little as he faced you.

Everything in your body screamed at you to run before he could pull out his weapon, but his gaze had you pinned to your spot in the room. You swallowed hard before trying to move and look more relaxed then you really were. Crossing your arms you moved your eyes to meet his which started an immediate feeling of regret.

There was something about his eyes that held a feeling of familiarity but it was buried under the many years of being forced to live amongst the harsh conditions of the wasteland. The Ghoul’s eyes remained on your face for the longest time before traveling to the tips of your wings that peeked out from under your coat. You quickly tried to tuck them closer to hide them but that just led to him looking back to your face.

“Now how the hell you get those on your back?” The Ghoul pointed to where the wings had been showing just moments before. His question had brought you out of your frozen state as you tried justifying to yourself answering him truthfully. You didn’t figure it would hurt to be truthful, especially since it was only the two of you at that moment. Not to mention the odd feeling that you could rely on him to keep any information you needed to get off your chest.

“Vault experiments.” You answered plainly as you moved the extra appendages from under your coat and spread them a little farther out from your body as you stretched them. As you did this something shifted in his expression, almost a kin to pity. He looked back into your eyes as if trying to recognize you as you had done the same to him moments before. You had forgotten the fact your eyes were no longer human so whatever search he was on would be nearly impossible if he intended to find answers within them. Not to mention the fact that your goggles were currently tented from the light coming in from the setting sun.

“That’s unfortunate. Seems like those wings would be in the way of everything.” He stated while picking up some of his belongings that hadn’t been taken. You crossed your arms and leaned on one leg. Sure, the wings were annoying at first, but they had become useful as time went on. You always managed to travel farther than anyone else in the wasteland could in two days on foot.

“They’re actually quite helpful.” You stated as you began to check yourself for any belongings that might be missing. “People don’t expect an aerial assault nowadays. So ambushing people is quite the luxury when being a bounty hunter.” The Ghoul gave a low hum as he slung his bag back over his shoulder. Surprisingly enough they hadn’t stolen anything, but you assumed it was because they were more focused on getting out of there before the two of you woke up.

“Well sweetheart I must be on my way. That bounty is still out there and I don't need someone else getting my caps.” As he said this The Ghoul slung his leg over the wall of the decrepit house and began his trek to the target. Something in the back of your mind pricked at your thoughts as he walked away. The feeling that you needed to follow him into the wasteland grew stronger the farther he walked.

What was it about this guy that had you wanted to do nothing more than follow him like a lost puppy? You hadn’t meant to be working the same bounty but somehow it felt like it was meant to be. Kicking yourself mentally, you sprinted after him. He had only managed to get a few yards away before you abruptly sprinted up behind him.

Out of instinct The Ghoul pulled his gun on you and had it aimed directly at your head. Your chest was rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath from the short unexpected run you just had. The adrenaline pumping through your veins prevented you from freezing or seeing the gun held to your face as much of a threat at that moment. All your mind was trained on was convincing The Ghoul to take you with him on this job.

“Take me with you.” Was all you could blurt out. Your voice had been shaky which you hoped wouldn’t be too noticeable but The Ghoul definitely caught it. He lowered his gun to keep it aimed at your chest instead.

“Now why should I do that?” He asked as he raised a nonexistent eyebrow. The sun was getting low which caused a shadow to shroud most of The Ghoul’s face. A knot began to form in your stomach. You hadn’t thought this through at all but had to come up with an excuse fast.

“I can be of help. Like I stated before, aerial assault isn’t something most folks are prepared to fight against.” That was practically the only key advantage you had on most other people. You had other talents, sure, but that was back up information in case the main appeal didn’t go through.

The Ghoul lifted his gun to tip his hat out of his face to get direct eye contact with you. His gaze fell and rose as he examined your form. It made you partly embarrassed as you pulled your wings in closer. He stood there and contemplated for a while until you broke the silence.

You grabbed the goggles from your face and sat them on top of your head. Your vision quickly adjusted to the new light exposed to your eyes. As The Ghoul looked back to your face you saw a bet of shock appear on his face before it was quickly masked again.

“Listen,” You started as your hands quickly began to fidget with one another. “I don't know why but I feel as if I’m supposed to go with you. If I had an explanation of why I would tell you but I don’t except for saying it’s a gut feeling.” The Ghoul’s expression stayed the same which quickly diminished your hope of joining him. Your eyes fell to the ground as you continued to speak.

“I don’t require caps or any sort of compensation for joining since I’m doing this out of complete and utter selflessness.” You were about to continue rambling before The Ghoul let out an exasperated sigh. Your attention brought back to his form. The Ghoul was pinching between his eyebrows as he holstered his gun. A few mumbles left his lips before his gaze finally settled back upon you.

“If you slow me down-” He started to say. You quickly cut him off as the realization that he was actually taking you along settled in.

“I won’t! I promise.” You said cheerfully as your wings slightly lifted from your sides. Your demeanor was probably a bit too cheerful though with how his expression changed.

“We’ll see if you keep that promise.” The Ghoul grumbled as he looked at the setting sun. It had nearly disappeared over the horizon which had put the world in a deep shade of purplish pink. It wouldn't be long before the sun was completely gone to leave the two of you in complete darkness.

However, that didn’t stop the two of you from traveling a bet that night. Your night vision was impeccable and The Ghoul had a lamp to guide his way. You stayed silent as did The Ghoul which hadn’t surprised you much. It had been about four hours of traveling before he finally spoke to inform you that it was time to siddle for the night.

[lu-sn]

Rank the VegasPete kisses 😈

suz i stg this ask is gonna get me super mega cancelled. when you find my mangled body in a decrepit alleyway tell my family i loved them

-

6. i love you, pete.

listen, no okay, LISTEN, put down your pitchforks, this is an s-tier kiss okay, i know!!!!! I KNOW BUT EVERY VEGASPETE KISS IS INSANE!!!! SOMETHING HAS TO BE AT THE BOTTOM

i did and still do think it's a lil cray cray of vegas to say he's in love with pete like ten days after dicking him down, but the blood-streaked mouths and vegas's devastated face as he pushes pete away afterwards sure do make up for it

5. you must suffer until i'm satisfied

the thing that gets me about this one is the total lack of artifice on vegas's part. despite every touch of his before this having been part of a long, cruel, twisted performance, this one is so gentle. so unassuming. a gift, more than anything else.

the conversation after is critical to their relationship, and i'm not sure pete would have wanted to open himself up like that without this kiss as proof of vegas's... sincerity? vegas isn't playing a game anymore — and pete can finally stop playing too.

4. psycho

head in hands!!! i can't believe this isn't in the top 3 someone send me to jail rn

i don't need to talk about this yall Know. third eye opened brain chemistry rewired brainrot permanently acquired "you like me like this" "i know exactly what i want" the way their hands paw at each other the way vegas smiles the way pete's KNEES GO WEAK I'M FOREVER SCREAMING

3. you're the most important person in my life

ugly sobbing in the gutter they trust each other they cherish each other they're going to work so hard to stay together they're coming together as EQUALS in the LIGHT AFTER THE STORM I'M—

it's the way they cradle each other's faces in their hands, okay. it's the unbearable tenderness, and it's the promises they're making to each other!!! that shit just gets me real bad 😭

2. (we only kiss people we like)

their entire sex scene is characterized by an unexpected, intense tenderness, and this last kiss is really the nail in the coffin for me. the way pete is leaning up into this, chasing vegas's mouth — the way vegas is so unbelievably soft as he presses himself into pete — the space they've carved out together in the darkness for this moment of startling intimacy — something has changed here, in both of them. and it's going to be their undoing.

1. i need you, pete.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME I WILL DIE ON MY LITTLE HILL THIS IS THE BEST KISS IN THE ENTIRE SHOW. SCREENSHOTS DO NOT DO IT JUSTICE. vegas is TREMBLING into this kiss he is TERRIFIED he's made an awful awful mistake and he's about to lose the best thing he's ever had he is CLINGING TO PETE trying to press all of his monstrous love into pete's skin i'm so sorry i didn't mean it i need you i will worship you look at how gentle i can be with you? look at how desperately i want to cherish you please please pete don't leave me MY GOD I AM CHEWING ON THE WALLS IT HURTS SO GOOD

and pete is so vulnerable to this kind of touch. he's shaking too, he's gasping and sobbing and almost can't believe what he's about to do in return. pete intends for this to be their last kiss — and vegas has no idea.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  Penny00Dreadful! @penny00dreadful has 29 fics in the Stranger Things fandom with 25 of them being in the Steddie Tag!

@hbyrde36 recommends the following works by @penny00dreadful:

Crossroads

Cat and Mouse

I'll Tell You My Sins and You Can Sharpen Your Knife

And They Were Roommates!

The Parting Glass

Sam, on top of being an absolutely amazing writer (AND artist!), is one of the brightest lights in this fandom (in my humble opinion). She is incredibly kind and encouraging, always ready to uplift other authors in the Steddie and ST fanfic worlds. I have had the incredible pleasure of being her beta reader for quite some time now, and am consistently blown away by her talent. There isn't a single one of her works that I wouldn't recommend, they are all fantastic reads. -- @hbyrde36

Below the cut, @penny00dreadful answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Opposites attract has always been a major draw for me, especially in my fandoms. Every pairing I’ve ever gotten into in every fandom I’ve been in have all been opposites attract and I’m not going to lie to you, I did not make that realization until this question. 😅 I had a very “Huh… that tracks” moment about it. 🤣 So the opposites attract factor is definitely big for me and while I suppose you could say that’s true for many, many pairings in fandom, there’s something about the complete opposite of both Steve and Eddie that is just enrapturing. From their aesthetic, to their personalities, to their upbringing, it creates such incredibly interesting parallels and options for building stories around them. On top of that, the two of them are so compelling as characters. Their various hang ups and traumas, their loves and hates, the time period and the genre of work they originated in all coalesce into something so captivating. I adore the two of them so much, they’re so fascinating. I think everyone can find a little bit of themselves in either one of them, but especially with the addition of Eddie into the series we got a character who was ‘other’, in the same way so many of us feel and are seen, he speaks to us on such a personal level. So, yeah. I love them.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Oh boy. There are so many. Enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff. But if I had to pick one that has been my longest standing love, it would have to be a slow burn. Like, when it hits, it hits. And it hits hard.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I looooove writing some tasty hurt/comfort. There’s just something so addictive about someone needing to be taken care of after something bad or traumatic happens or they’ve just had a really shitty day. It’s so cathartic. And also, I cannot like, I love getting comments screaming at me that I’ve made people hurt or cry or feel things because I know I’m going to make it better, I’m gonna give them that comfort. And it’s such an incredible compliment from people when they tell me that my writing has made them feel feelings. Like it is the highest praise possible that I could induce that in someone. It feels amazing.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Oh my god, that is such a difficult question to answer. I have read so many that have left a permanent mark on my heart or completely rewired my brain. I had to go look through my bookmarks to narrow it down because my god, there are so many talented people in this fandom and even then I was attempted to just give a list of all my top ones because, god they make me feel so many things, people are so fucking talented, I love them. But I would say if I had to choose one, there’s one that lives rent free in my brain. I think of it all the time, it is so god damn special to me and if I’m being honest with myself, it’s the first one that came to mind, It would have to be wouldn’t it be nice (if we could wake up) by kissesforcas  kissesforcas I have talked about this fic on my blog before but it just hits me in the right way every time I read it, it’s absolutely magical. I can’t recommend it enough, please go read it. It changed me completely.  There’s so many beautiful moments in it, the two boys are so protective of each other in it, but they also adore their found family and will defend them at any cost, the two of them feel real, their communication feels genuine and honest and realistic while also being true to their characters, I just adore it.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

YES. FANTASY. It is wild to me that I have not done a fully fledged fantasy AU at all yet. Like I adore fantasy, what gives? Why have I not done it yet? Omg ALSO, historical. Like a lot of my special interests are historical based, WHY have I not done that yet?? AND, AND horror maybe? Like a psychological or zombie or paranormal/supernatural or slasher. So many things I haven’t explored that I want to do, and I can’t wait!

What is your writing process like?

Okay, so first things first, I get an idea.  Kind of obvious, I know, but yeah, the idea stage. Usually it’ll be something that hit out of nowhere, I’ll write down one line in the ideas doc and then pretend I won’t be thinking of it for the rest of the day. Then when I admit to myself I want to expand on it, I’ll take all of the brain worms attached to that idea and put them in their own doc. It’ll all be VERY disjointed at this stage, just a stream of consciousness of different situations/conversations/plot bunnies that popped into my head. Once I feel like I have enough of a concept through that, I begin to put them in order, maybe add a few more. Then I outline. I’m an outline kinda gal.  Over a page or two I’ll give a bare bones outline of what the fic will be, almost like it’s a short story? But still very rough.  Then I’ll start writing, usually in chronological order, I find that makes it easier to plant seeds and foreshadow and create consistency with the voice of the fic. Sometimes I will jump ahead if I’m really excited about a particular part of the fic, I’ll get it out before I lose steam on it. HOWEVER, I find that I almost ALWAYS diverge from the outline. If, as I’m writing, things start going in a different direction, I go with the flow, I don’t fight it. Fighting it, I feel is detrimental to my writing, trying to force myself into a box and hey, going with the flow has been working out pretty well for me so far. 🤣

Do you have any writing quirks?

Quirks? I dunno about that. I think I’m a pretty standard writer, but I do end up writing across three devices a lot of the time depending on where’s more comfortable. PC, tablet and phone. I’ll always stick to writing whatever my brain is focusing on at that time, but if I know I need to get a fic out and I’m not really feeling the inspo anymore, I’ll give myself an extra boost by watching movies with similar themes, listening to music related to it, or even just searching the trope on Pinterest can help me generate excitement about it again.Also do yourself a favor and get yourself a Bluetooth keyboard. It’s a game changer for writing on your phone.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I’ve done both and I much prefer posting on a set schedule. I always try to get the fic at least 50% finished before I start posting to give myself a nice cushion. Yeah, the immediate endorphin hit of posting once I’m done is great, but I much prefer the option to have a fic mostly or completely done before I post, so I can go back in and tweak things to make a theme hit harder or stick in a tad more foreshadowing or even just to edit.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I love all of my works, honestly. I write for me. I write the things I want to read. I think it would be difficult to narrow down a fic that I am the most proud of. Like I’m actually having a really difficult time picking one and saying “This one. This is the one I am most proud of.” Because I am proud of all of them and it’s for each of their own reasons. Like, some are very, very personal to me, some are stories that made me feel completely unhinged and obsessed(affectionately) and some are stories that touched people in very real ways, or made them feel safe and seen and that is so incredibly special to me. It’s a bit of a cop out to say that I can’t pick one, I can’t choose between my children, but I really can’t, they’re all so special, at least to me, in their own ways.

How did you get the idea for Crossroads?

So I have never seen the movie The Old Guard, but I have heard of it and while I know that reincarnation is not an aspect of that movie, I was struck with the idea of someone going through life over, and over, and over again, just to be close to the one they love the most. Like that kind of time bending devotion. And I had a brain worm of various historical ways of dying and I couldn’t figure out a way to write all of them into one fic before the idea of reincarnation hit. The very first image I had in my head of Eddie dying was being burned at the stake, so I had to work my way up to that time period and beyond. I knew I didn’t want it to be something that had only happened a few times over a couple of hundred years.  I knew I wanted it to be an ancient, centuries spanning kind of devoted love which is what led me to Ancient Greece, and in leading me there, I had to figure out why this was happening. Why Steve was traversing time just to be next to his boy again. Hecate appeared out of the mist and invaded my brain and it all kind of spilled out onto the page after that. 

When writing Cat and Mouse, what was something you didn’t expect?

I gotta be honest, the whole fic was unexpected. 😅 It was one of those stories when I originally thought of it, it was only gonna be a short little thing, maybe one or two chapters. By the end of it we were at 16 chapters and over 70K. Apparently I have no idea how to write anything short. But I think what also took me by surprise was how feral the two of them were for each other even though they didn't actually get together until later. I knew I wanted to have them being snappy and flirtatious for the whole thing and it evolved into the two of them being so dedicated to each other after only meeting a few times. I also didn’t expect the wild reaction I got to the fic, people loved it and were chomping for more and I was floored by it, it made me so incandescently happy!

What inspired Cat and Mouse?

So, the short answer is I saw this post from steddielations and it burrowed so deep into my brain, I had to get it out! Long answer is it was a mix of that post, and then a bit of Mr & Mrs. Smith mixed in along with John Wick. I just loved the idea of two deadly people being so soft for each other they’d be willing to burn the world for each other, do anything at any cost to keep the other safe.

What was your favorite part to write from And They Were Roommates!?

Oh my god, the banter. The banter was loaded with bitching and queerspeak and jabs, it was so much fun. I hadn’t really seen a story where the steddie boys had been bitchy queers before, like leaning into it and I just had to, I had to. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up and I could have gone on for ages just the two of them biting back and forth.

How do/did you feel writing I'll Tell You My Sins and You Can Sharpen Your Knife?

Conflicted, honestly. I was worried the POV I was writing from would be a little too out there, you know? There were a few times throughout writing where I thought I’d have to go back and change it out to be more of a standard fic but at the end of the day it felt so right to have the story told the way it was and it also felt very in line with Take Me To Church as well. It’s also the most poetic piece of writing I have done to date and while it’s not something I can see myself revisiting too often, it was a fantastic exercise in moving out of my comfort zone. It got me, right in the heart.

What was the most difficult part of writing The Parting Glass?

Oh boy. The whole fic was an exercise in catharsis. It was a way of processing my own grief after losing a family member and getting it all out into words was very, very helpful. I think the hardest part was just putting down into words how Eddie was feeling right in the aftermath, you know? Like grief is such a personal thing, everyone experiences it differently, so I wanted to try to figure out how Eddie would respond to it, especially considering it was the death of someone so important to him. So to have him looking around the trailer and it being empty but still with bits of Wayne dotted around like he was about to walk back through the door was probably the realest and most difficult part for me.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Oh god there’s so many! I could pick so many! But the first thing that came to mind is the small interaction between Eddie and Robin in Return of The King, when Steve is demonstrating his newly acquired vampire strength for the kids and Eddie has to hold onto Robin to keep himself from melting into a puddle: “Down boy.” She muttered. “Me next.” He practically whimpered right back. “Oh god, Robbie, I wanna be that stump. Tell him to do me next.” “You’re pathetic.” “What about it?” [...] Robin leaned in close to his ear but continued to stare at Steve. “If you two don’t calm the fuck down I’m going to get the hose.” Wet Steve. “Please get the hose.” I love Robin and Eddie together whenever I can get them snarking at each other, it’s just so entertaining. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Oh yeah! A good few things. I’m coming back from my writing break and I’m going to be working on the final two fics for my anniversary event, Through The Valley and Devotion.  I also have a Summer Exchange Fic in the works along with starting on my Steddie Big Bang piece that I am also signed up for as an artist, I’m so excited to start them!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I think I would just like to add that this blog, this concept is such a wonderful idea, you’re doing great work here to bring people and fics to new eyes and it has been an honor and a privilege to be put forward the way I have, I’m so so so thankful. 🖤

Thank you to our author, @penny00dreadful, and our nominator, @hbyrde36! See more of Penny00Dreadful's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[starfxkr]

random question of the day for you moony from your twin

but i’m just curious, how do you feel about ddlg and by association, little space? because if we’re being honest…… i think pup!reader, bunny!reader, and baby!reader (trap jj’s girl) would be most susceptible BUT I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOTS!!

(also sorry if this made you uncomfy in any way i love you <33)

- 🪐

this does not make me uncomfortable as someone who fought in the trenches of nymphet tumblr circa 2014-2017

also like I've developed and interest in kink overall so I love when y'all ask me stuff like this teehee this is my special interest!!!!

but pup is more of a straight of puppygirl its similar to like...little space I would say but less overtly submissive, more rowdy, needs LOTS of stimulation or she starts humping his leg, she likes being roughed up, and pinned to the ground and bred and only John b can do that for her forreal. it's like she enjoys being paraded around and doted on but she truly wants the be left a whimpering mess.

bunny is absolutely the most susceptible because rate has rewired her brain. like did it super bad. its like he took her away from her family to be his girl and spent a lot of time drilling into her head that she doesn't need anyone but him so she's halfway in it at all times, she gets brief moments of lucidity when she's particularly bored because while she enjoys her life with rafe....she needs stimulation of which she gets very little .

babygirl is like right in the middle, because she's aware that she needs her wits about her but jj takes care of so much that she can choose not to sometimes. he's made her lazy honestly! and she likes it! she slips into it sooo easy watching him take care of business because it just reinforces that he's the one for her so if he tells her to sit at his feet and shut up she will

[cowboythighs]

steve almost wishes he hadn’t told eddie he was a virgin. it’s not that he really wanted to lie to him, but ever since eddie found out, he’d been treating steve different—like suddenly things had to move slow and syrupy sweet.

he should’ve waited until after eddie had fucked his brains out to casually let the information slip, because now that he knew, eddie suddenly has all kind of /ideas/ and unfortunately, they were almost in direct opposition of steve’s desires.

it’s takes steve weeks to convince eddie that /yes/ he really wants to have sex and /no/ he doesn’t need a safe word and trusts eddie to stop when he says and /yes/ he’s really thought about it and is sure he’s ready.

it’s kind of sweet, how eddie thinks his dick is going to rewire steve’s dna.

it’s kind of annoying because it’s stopping eddie from giving steve what he wants.

eddie thinks he knows better, even though steve frankly states that he doesn’t need to be treated like a delicate flower. but eddie sees steve as an eager puppy, and he’s scared of being lennie—too eager with his love and too rough—he doesn’t want to break him. so he insists that their first time steve be on top so he can control the pace.

and even though steve wants to persuade eddie to throw him around and pound him into the mattress, he realizes that a cool, level-headed eddie won’t be swayed by his pouting. so he lets eddie think he’s on board with his plan—that he’ll be content being treated like some fragile porcelain doll.

he let’s eddie go as slow as he wants—let’s him cover every inch of his skin from his head to the soles of his feet with soft kisses and whisper-soft touches.

steve doesn’t put up a fight when eddie pulls them up—trades places so that he lies with his back on the bed and steve’s hovering above him. he doesn’t give himself away just yet—knows that even though eddie’s eager it’s not the right moment. not yet.

he sinks himself down as far as he can on eddie’s cock—which isn’t far, because eddie’s fist gripped around his dick prevents steve from taking more.

he tries not to throw a fit—can’t stop a little whine from escaping but lets eddie believe that it’s because he’s overwhelmed by the feeling of something inside him for the first time. it does feel great, but steve wants /more/. he gives eddie a reassuring nod and tells him he’s okay to take more—reminds him that steve was supposed to be controlling the pace.

eddie cautiously removes his hand and places it lightly on steve’s hips instead—like he still isn’t sure steve won’t impale himself on eddie’s length in one go. he knows steve well.

but steve’s got bigger plans, so he plays nice. eases himself up and down on eddie’s cock ever so slowly, taking a tiny bit more each time. he really makes a meal out of it, putting on a show for eddie until he’s bottomed out.

steve sits there for a moment—let’s eddie stroke up his sides and rub his back and shower him with praise. he does like that, but it’s not enough.

when he can’t wait anymore, he starts riding eddie—slow at first, gradually building up his pace. still moving, he puts one hand flat along his tummy, just below his belly button. looking at eddie with wide eyes he says, “i can feel you, right here. look—i can see you moving inside me.”

eddie’s grip on his control starts to slip—steve’s careful not to smirk when eddie starts raising his hips up mindlessly to meet steve.

steve doesn’t hold back his moans, hoping they’ll spur eddie on. eddie’s looking up at him slack-jawed and starry-eyed and steve knows it’s time.

he stops moving his hips—sits firmly so eddie’s are pinned to the mattress—and leans forward to kiss eddie. when he breaks away, breathless, steve tilts his head up so he can whisper in eddie’s ear.

“you love this pussy, don’t you?” his tone dark and silky.

eddie groans. “jesus christ, steve.”

steve pushes on, “is this your pussy?” he bites back the /daddy/ rolling around at the tip of his tongue; doesn’t want to use all his ammunition at once. he reaches for eddie’s hand—takes it in his own and guides his fingers to where their bodies meet. he rubs eddie’s fingers—tangled in his own—where his skin is stretched around eddie’s cock.

“yeah,” eddie says on an exhale. “it’s mine. belongs to me.”

“are you going to treat it good?” steve delivers his line with an air of innocence—like he’s not about to spring a trap. he feels eddie’s hips pushing up in little aborted thrusts underneath him.

“yeah,” eddie says. “gonna treat your—“

“your,” steve corrects. eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. when he looks at steve again, steve suddenly remembers a story he’d read as a kid—a tale of a patient bunny who’d outwitted the wolf chasing it.

“stupid bunny,” steve thinks, entranced by the hunger in eddie’s dark eyes, “to not want to be pinned down and ravaged by the wolf.”

“gonna treat my pussy so good, baby.” eddie moves his finger along slick wetness—sliding against his own length and teasing at steve’s hole—pushing just barely in along side it.

steve lets his head fall back as he groans. he needed to move quick—play his final hand before eddie gets distracted.

“prove it,” steve says, looking back down at him. “show me how much you mean it. show my pussy who owns it.”

in an instant, the room is spinning and steve finds himself flat on his back. before he can even register that it’s the ceiling he’s staring up at, eddie’s pounding into him without restraint. steve can’t get enough air to moan—forced out of steve’s lungs each time eddie’s hips slam up against his ass.

eddie pushes steve’s left leg up—slotting his hand behind the knee. a moment later he does the same with the right. not slowing down, he leans forward—pushes both of steve’s legs until his knees are touching his own shoulders.

tears spring to steve’s eyes as eddie’s cock sinks impossibly deeper. steve stares up at him, mouthing wordlessly.

“i’m sorry baby,” eddie kissed away a tear, thrusting in harder. “this is what you asked for. gotta treat my pussy right—gotta make sure it knows who it belongs to.

“you,” steve manages to squeak out.

“that’s right,” eddie coos. “this pretty little pussy belongs to me, doesn’t it baby?”

steve nods. “i’m- eddie i’m gonna-“ he pants, trying to force the words out.

“it’s okay,” eddie moves his hands—adjusts himself so his shoulders pin steve’s legs in place, leaving his hands free to reach around and stroke steve’s sweaty, tear stained face. “i got you, sweetheart. just let go. let daddy make his pussy feel good.”

heat pools low in steve’s gut—it felt like his entire existence narrowed down to his core. his orgasm his him full force—crossing his eyes and making his whole body tense and push up against the firm hold eddie had over him. nowhere else to go, steve falls back limp against the bed, guttural groans—broken and staccato—sticking in the back of his throat.

“you’re so fucking beautiful,” eddie babbles, looking down at steve like he’s never seen anything quite as wonderful. And then he thrusts hard—a forceful final push—as he fills steve with his cum.

he stares down at steve, watching the rapid rise and fall of his flushed chest as eddie slowly rocked his hips against him; moving on auto-pilot while his brain slowly reconnected to the rest of his body.

when steve’s breathing slowed down and he opened his eyes, he smiled up at eddie, looking every bit the cat that got the cream.

“you know,” eddie said, pulling out and admiring the slow slide of his cum spilling out of steve’s cunt. “there’s a word for people like you.”

“resourceful?” steve asked; his faux-innocence not quite as believable now.

“a fucking brat.” eddie retorted.

“pretty sure that’s three words,” steve pointed out.

“oh my god,” eddie looked up at the ceiling like he was appealing to some higher power. “you know if you act like a brat, i’ll show you how brats get treated. you might not like the consequences.”

“what’re you gonna do? spank me?” steve asked eagerly.

“nah, you’d like that too much. i think withholding would be a better punishment for you. maybe i’ll tie you up and watch me jerk off. let you squirm and cry when you realize you won’t be getting my cock.”

“noooo,” steve whined, as if his imagination wasn’t already running wild picturing it. he was pretty confident he could eddie to give him both—he just had to play his cards right.

“i’ll be good for you, daddy.” he batted his eyelashes and watched eddie practically melt in front of him. “promise.”

it was the best lie he ever told.

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[princelancey]

bodyguard au x flirting under fire for strollonso?

page written yay, let's get gay!! this was fun and perhaps could be made into a longer fleshed out fic? let me know <3

Fanfiction Trope MASH-UP

I've written for a very similar prompt to this before so I'm gonna mix it up this time.

Lance is the bodyguard to 'businessman' Fernando and he's seriously regretting taking on this job offer. He's been shot at three times already this week and it's only Tuesday, and he gets the impression that walking away really isn't an option for this job. He's also concerned at how quickly he came to not actually care about any of this, despite the bullets flying over his head he can't actually imagine quitting this job.

His boss totally, definitely doesn't have anything to do with that. It's not like the look Fernando gave him on his first day rewired his brain or anything, not like he'd do anything to be on the receiving end of that look again. Right now that anything appeared to be putting himself between four men with assault rifles and Fernando. he heard one of the safeties click off and immediately tackled Fernando to the ground behind their car, which is bullet proof of course.

the goons sent after Fernando are obviously not the sharpest tools in the sheds, just spraying the obviously reinforced car with bullets in the hopes that something happens, honestly the laziness offended Lance. They were making such a scene that the police would already be on their way and really Lance was happy to let them take care of things, there was nothing incriminating Fernando or himself, as long as they played dumb they'd be home in time for dinner.

Lance is still covering the older man with his own body, hovering above him, arms strained, his entire body is tense and when he looks down at Fernando he sees that look he's been craving since he accepted the job. The two lock eyes and it's like Fernando can read his mind, more likely he's reading Lance's face the man cannot hide his emotions to save his life. Fernando tilts his head and smirks up at him and delivers the killing blow "is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" it's corny it's cheesy it absolutely should not work but Lance can feel his entire face heating up, he can hear Fernando chuckling under him.

Something about the sound flips a switch in his head, he shouldn't be embarrassed, he's the one who has Fernando laying on his back under, how many people would kill for that? actually Lance might be able to answer that by the end of the week. Lance has control of this situation, and he realises now he also has an equally interested party. Lance drops his knee and elbows to the ground, essentially trapping Fernando under him, he can feel the rise and fall of Fernando's chest beneath his own they are so close now. He leans in and whispers into Fernando's ear "I thought a man of your reputation would be able to tell"

he can feel Fernando's breath stutter beneath him, the man hadn't expected that from Lance and that alone fills Lance with a ridiculous amount of pride. He's waiting for Fernando to make the next move when the gunfire above them is replaced by police sirens and the moment is broken... for now

[babyboiboyega]

Next to me (The Study Room) Pt. 8 (Shuri x Black!Fem!reader)

HBCU!Shuri x Black!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 8.2 (gotdam, thats a lot for me yall)

Content: mostly fluff, you and Shuri being absolutely in love with each other but both scared to confront it, Shuri being absolutely adorable,...but then some angst, mentions of blood and injuries

Babyboiboyega’s Marvel Masterlist

Babyboiboyega’s Masterlist of Masterlists

Series Masterlist

Y/N: Here’s part 8 only a few minutes before 9 LMAO

This series is now called “Next To Me”, but I’ll still be tagging it as The Study Room because it’s what we’re all familiar with. I hope y’all enjoy this part and I’m not sorry for the cliffhanger

RECAP: If you thought your heart had been racing at her arrival, it was nothing compared to the way it raced now. She wanted to take you somewhere?

Her nervousness paired with her request to take you somewhere had a bashful, yet excited look appearing on your face as you nodded quickly. You didn’t dare think about the implications behind her request; the last thing you wanted was to think too much into everything and then either disappoint yourself or disappoint her when the truth came to light. 

But you could let yourself enjoy one night with her…right?

You had managed to keep your questions to yourself as soon as Shuri had offered to take you somewhere, or rather tell you that she wanted to take you somewhere. It was hard as hell considering all of the factors leading up to you two’s departure from the palace and how they all made your curiosity grow. 

They were managed while you cleaned up in the training room’s equivalent to a locker room, changing into the clothes she had brought you afterwards. You had found yourself coming up with different ideas of what it could be as you changed into the outfit that consisted of a light brown tank, beige shorts, and a dark brown button up that you threw over the ensemble and left unbuttoned. To finish it off, she had given you a pair of, what you affectionately called, “moon steppers” simply because of their sci-fi design that was so uniquely Shuri you couldn’t help but to love them. 

To be completely honest, all of your questions had almost left your mind after stepping out of the bathroom and receiving an appraising look from Shuri- one that she hadn’t been afraid to hide as she pushed off of the wall. The longer she had looked at you, the wider her smile had become until you were mirroring it. 

Of course, you had been a stuttering mess as she had complimented you, offering a smooth “you look good” paired with another scan of your body with her eyes. You had damn near tripped over your own feet as she guided you to the exit of the palace, placing a hand on the small of your back and turning you towards the door. She had deftly slid her hand into yours before gently pulling you on an unknown path through the palace and letting you know that you two would be taking a car.

“A car? So, we’re taking a car to…” You trailed off, looking over at her with your eyebrows raised in question. Your attempt to catch her slipping failed miserably, as she only glanced over at you, laughed, and shook her head. You kept your eyes on the side of her profile, your mind racing with excitement as to where you two could be heading. However, the moment your eyes trailed over her outfit, the excitement was quickly replaced with a warm feeling that settled over your entire being.

Shuri’s outfit was simple…but so damn good looking on her that it took a while for your brain to rewire before trying to form words.

It consisted of a white, high neck tank top coupled with a pair of cream colored joggers. There was a jacket around her waist that matched the color of her pants. The tightness of her top paired with the cropped nature of it showed off her midsection in all of its bronze, toned, muscular glory, and you had to prepare to bat away your thoughts with an imaginary broom. However, they only increased in volume and intensity as you looked closer, taking into account the details that further emphasized her outfit. 

She wore the same shoes as you, except she seemed to wear them much better due to the slightly different feeling of walking they provided. On her fingers were at least 3 golden rings, each one as simple and beautiful as the last one; and then around her neck she wore a necklace that you hadn’t seen on her before…that is until you two arrived in Wakanda. She had explained the purpose of it during your first tour; how it held the entirety of her Black Panther suit in it and how, with just one thought, she could make it appear and retract whenever needed. 

The outfit paired with her accessories and the way she carried herself, suave and smooth but with an air of regalness, was honestly enough to make you sweat. Your attraction towards her was nothing new for you; it had been there since meeting her for the first time in that study room. But one could say that a few things had happened since then that had only made your attraction grow.

And now here you were, about to go…somewhere with her because she had wanted to take you out. Just how big of a crush could you have on her before it crossed into unspoken territory? 

That was a thought to stress over later and not when you were being led outside of the palace and towards a familiar car, her car, that sat on the edge of what looked to be the airstrip.  

The sight of her car provided an instant flash back to the night she had driven you to the hospital to see Imani, your friend and roommate, who had been checked in because of a monoxide leak in your dorm building. You had only known each other for a few weeks at that point, yet she had immediately and willingly offered to help in any way she could. Hell, she had even offered you a place to stay in her room until your dorm building had been cleared.

Then, you had obviously known where you were going. Now, you had not one clue…and it was exciting. 

Her car wasn’t the only one on the tarmac; behind it idled two, intimidating looking jeeps that would presumably be driven by the few Dora Milaje and other members of the Royal Guard lingering by them. Surrounding all three vehicles were countless Talon Fighters, all of them looking sleek and deadly at the same time. Looking at them made a sudden desire to peek inside of one rise, especially given the fact that the last time you were in one, you had been unconscious and on the brink of death. 

Yeah, maybe we’ll hold off on that. 

As soon as Shuri stepped onto the tarmac, they all saluted her, their arms crossing their chests before quickly returning to their sides. Most of them simply nodded at you,  but a few of them even offered the tiniest of smiles that you were quick to return. 

So we’re going somewhere that requires protection. Another clue.

“You know I can practically see you trying to figure out tonight’s plans.”

Shuri’s amused voice captured your attention as you two stopped in front of her car. Your eyebrows furrowed almost immediately, turning to face her with words of denial already on the tip of your tongue. Had it been on your face or did she just know you that well?

“Yeah, well that’s what happens when you don’t tell me anything. Who knows? You could be…kidnapping me for all I know.”

With her eyebrows furrowed in question, she looked at you with a grin. 

“Kidnapping you from the palace that I already live in? With the Royal Guard standing watch?” She emphasized her question by motioning to the group around you. Shaking your head, you looked at her in mock exasperation, your eyes widening.

“They’re here to protect you; not keep you from doing something crazy.”

“Actually, that is a huge part of our job description. Probably the most stressful part.”

Okoye’s sudden appearance made the both of you turn quickly to her, your eyes falling on the General and the slightly impatient look she seemed to always have on her face. Just looking at her made your sore muscles throb once more.

“Oh, please, Okoye. I’m a joy to be around and protect.” 

Okoye made a face that showed just how much she disagreed with Shuri’s words, but before she could say anything, Okoye was making her way to the first jeep.

To your surprise, a few, nearly silent snickers came from a few of the guards surrounding you. It was evidently a normal occurrence for them to break their stoic, intimidating appearances, as Shuri rolled her eyes good-naturedly at the sound. 

The amount of excitement radiating from Shuri was palpable, and it was further shown in how she teasingly interacted with those around her. It wasn’t hard to see the difference between her now and how she had been…well, last night. The tension and worry that had been hovering over her as she had come to your room was nowhere to be seen, instead being replaced by a lightheartedness that was practically contagious. 

“Whatever you say, Umkanikazi. Are you ready to depart for-”

“Okoye!”

The General’s words halted abruptly, her eyebrows furrowing at Shuri’s alarmed yell. Her eyes had scanned the tarmac in a quick second, undoubtedly looking for what could have caused Shuri to yell, only to realize that there was no threat. Her eyes widened in alarm only to narrow in vexation as Shuri spoke.

“You can’t just tell her where we are going! It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

The two of them stared each other down across the hood of Shuri’s car, seeming to have a silent conversation; one that you weren’t privy to, despite standing right next to Shuri.

The staring ended once Okoye sighed, quickly saying something in Xhosa to Shuri before turning and speaking to the guards in the same language. Shuri, on the other hand, looked slightly offended…though it quickly turned into a smile so wide and contagious that you couldn’t help but smile. Nevermind you had no idea what they had just said…Maybe you should ask for Xhosa lessons instead of trying to learn it by yourself. 

Your smile turned into a soft laugh as she quickly turned to you, her hand pulling you to the passenger door which she opened. She waited until you were situated before closing your door and quickly walking around to the driver’s side. It only took her a few seconds to cross to the other side and join you.   

“If this is a kidnapping, at least let me grab a few clothes. Maybe my charger-”

You paused in your words as she threw her head back, letting out a genuine and loud laugh. You wondered if the adoration was as easy to see in your eyes as you watched her, your mouth hanging open slightly.

It was easy to come to the conclusion that you’d do anything throughout the night just to hear her uncontrolled laughter; something you had a feeling she didn’t get a lot of chances to do, given her royal status and appearances she had to constantly keep up. 

“This isn’t a kidnapping, uthando. It’s simply a way for me to get you out of the palace. You’ve been behind its walls since arriving, and I thought this would be a good chance to give you good memories of Wakanda, and not only of ones full of…poison and stress and stalkers.” Her smile had hardened around the edges as she finished speaking, but you were quick to keep the conversation moving, not wanting to see her smile fade for a second. 

“Well, in that case, is there anything I need to know before we get to this undisclosed location? Any cultural customs I need to learn? Special greetings? Speaking of greetings, I’d like to learn Xhosa. I’ve already learned a few phrases.”

Admittedly, your task of learning a few phrases in the language had been slightly encouraged by the thought of impressing Shuri, but mostly encouraged by the thought of learning such a beautiful language while in a country where it was mainly spoken. 

Her eyes flitted to you in acute surprise as the language’s name left your mouth correctly, lateral click and all. The impressed look on her face boosted your ego, making you smirk and lean back against the seat.

“Oh? Such as?” 

She busied herself with getting the car started and ready to leave as you spoke, yet her constant glances over at you reassured you that she was still listening. You could see one of the jeeps pull around until it was stationed in front while the other brought up the rear of Shuri’s car. The jeep idled in front until Shuri flashed her headlights, and then all three of the vehicles were moving in tandem. It didn’t take long for your little convoy to reach a bridge that connected the airstrip to the mainland that held the countless looming buildings, businesses, and homes. The Royal Guard members who weren’t in one of the two jeeps stood at the entrance of the bridge, their gazes focused and scanning the area. 

You didn’t know if it was the sight of the guards on high-alert as you passed them or the sight of the palace shrinking in the passenger mirror, but the further you drove from the palace, the more apprehension tried to weasel its way into your thoughts. 

You’d had no doubts that you two were safe behind the palace’s walls, and despite becoming a little stir crazy, you had taken solace in that fact- especially after days of working to find the stalker and not finding a shred of decent evidence that would allude to their identity. They had gone silent since their initial attack, but probably because their target, Shuri, had come back to Wakanda; a nearly impenetrable country to outsiders. 

While their silence and inactivity was a little relieving in the sense that neither of you would have to look over your shoulder, partly due to the protection surrounding you two, it was also worrying. It left their next moves up to your imagination, and that resulted in your imagination running wild. 

You could try to convince yourself that if they somehow made it into Wakanda, you all would’ve known by now, for they would have surely tried their luck once more; but the truth was if they did have the nerve to follow the Queen to her own country, they wouldn’t risk failing again; not when so much was at stake. When desperation rose, sanity decreased, and who knows what lengths this person was willing to go to-

“Y/N.” 

Your name being called coupled with a hand landing on your own caused your thoughts to pause abruptly. Your attention instantly switched from the distant palace to Shuri, your eyebrows raising in question. 

“Hm?”

Glancing out of the window showed that you were still moving, but now you were surrounded by trees that quickly whizzed by. They loomed over the vehicles, almost covering the sky above you…but not quite covering the soft, colorful lights that shined against it. After quickly noting the colorful and constantly changing lights peeking through the trees, you turned your gaze to Shuri.

Unbeknownst to you, she had been eagerly waiting for you to share with her the Xhosa phrases you had learned. It wasn’t an easy language to learn in any way, but the thought of you still wanting to try, undoubtedly out of genuine interest, made her heart skip a beat. At your silence, though, she had become slightly worried. It only took a quick glance at you to see that there was something on your mind, and whatever it was caused a slight frown to replace the smile that had been on your face only seconds earlier. 

Shuri pursed her lips slightly as she glanced once again at you, her eyebrows pulling together. Where there was once a glint of excitement and anticipation in your eye, there was now…concern? Restlessness? A feeling she had personally vowed to herself that wouldn’t take up an inch of your thoughts tonight. 

“What’s on your mind? What are you thinking about?” 

Your answer initially came in the form of a soft sigh, your jaw working as you thought of a way to answer without potentially ruining Shuri’s mood or the night in general. Seeing the worried look already on her face prompted you to shake your head, forcing your anxious thoughts to the back of your mind for the night with effort. You gave her a smile that you hoped seemed genuine.

“I was trying to remember what I learned. Now, don’t make fun of me. I learned these from a book.”

Pretending to ignore the suspicious look on her face, you turned your back towards the door to face her. You silently cheered as you saw the corner of her mouth lift up, the rest of her lips soon following as you began to speak.

“So, of course I learned the casual greetings: molo and molweni. And then I learned how to ask someone how they are-”

“Oh? Unjani?”

You perked up slightly, your smile genuinely growing with pride at being able to understand what she had asked, and knowing how to respond.

“Ndiphilile, unjani?”

Her look of appraisal paired with a proud smirk had a chill running down your back- one you quickly tried to hide by pretending to fix your seatbelt. 

“What else did you learn?”

Shuri, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of hearing the language fall from your lips. Of course, it sounded as if you had just learned the language which was fitting considering that you had and by yourself, nonetheless; but she found the slight hesitation of your pronunciations endearing and the confidence in your voice…well she found that rather attractive. She found you rather attractive, in more than one way. That was something she had come to terms with while planning this little outing. 

She had realized rather quickly that, above all else, she only cared about making sure you enjoyed yourself. It didn’t matter how many times you told her you were fine being cooped up in the palace; she could tell that it was weighing on you in the slightest. Downplaying the circumstances you had been forced to accept was something that she didn’t take lightly. In fact, it would’ve been easy for you to resist staying in Wakanda altogether; it would have made it harder on herself, Okoye, and anyone else already working on the situation, but you had handled the change with emotional and mental grace. 

How could she not be attracted to you?

“Mmm…I think I remember…oh! Uxolo? Excuse me?” 

You hadn’t even realized that the group was slowing down until the car rolled to a soft stop. Shuri put the car in park before turning her gaze completely to you, unrelenting and piercing. There was a fond look on her face and you found yourself fidgeting with the seatbelt under her gaze. 

“That was close. It’s uxolo. You used the click for the letter ‘q’, but you were still close.”

It had sounded weird coming out of your mouth, and it was because you had used the wrong click. After practicing for hours in your room, all it took was being in an enclosed space with Shuri for you to forget the simplest pronunciations. Nevertheless, you copied what she said, taking time to sound exactly like her.

“Oh, right. Uxolo.”

“There you go- nantso ke, uyfumene! You got it!”

It’s honestly absurd how much of a reaction Shuri’s words of praise had on you, but you felt you handled it well. Instead of melting into a literal puddle right in the seat, you channeled that small bud of pride and brought it to the front. 

“Mmhm. Soon enough, I’ll be eavesdropping on you and Okoye’s conversations.”

Another loud laugh left her lips as she opened her door, letting the sounds of other car doors slamming shut filter into the car. But along with the slamming of doors came another sound; music, instruments, voices in varying degrees of joy and celebration. The amalgamation of sounds prompted you to quickly open your own door and step out, your eyes scanning the area in a search for where the voices were coming from. 

You couldn’t have been far from the edge of the moat where the bridge had ended, as you could still see glimpses of the palace through the trees you all had just driven through; but that wasn’t what caught your attention. 

You were acutely aware of Shuri coming to stand beside you, and of the Royal Guard following her and partially surrounding her; your attention had been entirely claimed by the view you could see quite clearly from the small, shaded area of land you all had parked on. 

Every chance you got, you had made sure to gaze down at the streets of the city every morning; always full of vibrant life and colors, and stalls that sold varying sizes, colors, and kinds of Wakandan artwork. Shuri had caught you staring a number of times, and she had even described a few of her favorite stalls she loved to frequent whenever she took the time to go. Of course, you had listened and held on to every word she said, loving to hear the passion and the affection of which she spoke about her city with. You had even vowed to yourself that before you left Wakanda, whenever that would be, you’d have to venture down and buy a few keepsakes just to remember your time here. 

But as your hand was eagerly grabbed and you were pulled out of the shadows of the trees, it was quickly made apparent that Shuri had taken care of that desire before you could do so yourself. 

The sheer amount of different smells, sights, and sounds would have normally been a little…much for you, but with Shuri’s firm grip around yours, expertly weaving you through the crowd with ease, you found yourself becoming completely engrossed in the festivities taking place around the two of you. It was easy to just let her lead you, and you took the time to look at every stall that passed. 

Scarves, dashikis, elaborate jewelry, clay pottery; all being sold alongside different meats, vegetables, and pastries that undoubtedly tasted just as good as they smelled. 

“We’ll come back, I promise! But I want to show you something first.”

Shuri’s voice spoke directly into your ear, making you jump slightly before you leaned in more. The crowd milling around the area was loud, but it was filled with such glee that you didn’t mind it all. And despite the crowd basically parting at the sight of their Queen accompanied by the Royal Guard led by Okoye, there weren’t many curious eyes locking onto the two of you. Remembering the fact that Shuri, and her brother before her, had frequented the city and the market multiple times explained the crowd’s seemingly “disinterest” in the monarch. Some still caught sight of her, giving her a quick and eager Wakandan salute (that she almost always returned with a salute back or even a smile), but most just went about their business. It certainly allowed Shuri to pull you quickly and easily to what she had wanted to show you, and upon arriving at the site, you immediately understood why it was the first stop she had wanted to visit. 

Unlike the section of the market you two had just been through, the area you arrived at was mostly clear. There were people standing in a circle around the area, but the only things- and people- inside the circle were a small group of drummers, sitting and kneeling behind a small group of what looked to be dancers. The drummers held their drums close to their bodies, their heads bowed and their bodies still, while the dancers did the same. 

Shuri still had your hand in hers, and as you turned to her, preparing to ask about the sight in front of you, she pulled you closer and lowered her head to speak into your ear.

“I’ll explain everything after the performance, but this is my favorite part.” When she pulled back, the smile on her face was enough to stop your questions from arising…for the meantime. It was giddy, and held every piece of childlike joy she had lost as a result of her brother and mother’s deaths. However, as you looked closer, there was something in her eyes; a deep, barely perceptible look of sadness. Her smile didn’t waver once, though; in fact, it only grew as the sudden sound of drums pierced the air. 

The drums commanded the attention of everyone they reached, making everyone pause and turn towards the sound, including you. They filled the air with rhythms that were so mesmerizing and heavy, you could feel it traveling through the ground and into the bottoms of your feet. The crowd was filled with people of different sizes, shapes, and skin tones; yet, you all were one in the collective immersion.

The dancers moved in a way that definitely told a story; a story that the singer undoubtedly echoed with a voice as strong and unwavering as the strongest oak tree. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t understand a word she was singing; the significance of the story being told could be felt through her voice and the dancer’s movements. 

“Those five dancers represent the 5 tribes of Wakanda,” Shuri spoke quietly, her voice coming from behind you. You hadn’t even realized that she had moved until she spoke, one of her hands raising to rest gently on your side as if to steady you. The chill that ran down your spine wasn’t a result of the soft breeze that blew across the land. 

The 5 dancers she referenced all wore traditional, African dance attire that contrasted beautifully against the advanced technology that covered every inch of the city. A high speed, magnetic train traveled above the heads of the crowd who watched a traditional performance. 

With every second that passed, you were reminded of why Wakanda was one of the top nations in the world in…well…everything. 

Each dancer’s costume consisted of a certain set of colors, and with Shuri’s help, you were able to recognize which dancer represented which tribe. Shades of green and white for the River Tribe; oranges, reds, and brown for the Mining Tribe; dark blue and purple for the Merchant Tribe; shades of blue for the Border Tribe; and gray and white for the Jabari Tribe. Each of them had specific elements of their costumes that represented their tribe further, such as the River Tribe’s beaded headdresses and accessories, and the Mining Tribes red clay covered skin and hair. Every dancer had an anklet of shells that rattled with every shake, stomp, and kick. 

The costumes showed only a small portion of what made that specific tribe beautiful and enthralling, and you found it unfortunate that you’d probably never get to fully experience what each one had to offer. 

As they continued to dance with movements that seemed both graceful and packed with heavy meaning, Shuri continued to translate the words being sung. Her voice effortlessly blended with the singer’s husky voice and the music, not taking anything away from the performance, but instead adding an entirely new layer of captivation on top. There were notes of excitement and familiarity as she spoke softly. 

“Long ago, these lands were blessed with a gift from beyond this world: vibranium. Everything touched by the vibranium flourished greatly, and when the time of man came, so did they.”

The rhythm of the drums changed to one that exuded energy and chaos, the shift being felt throughout the entire crowd. The dancers followed suit, suddenly moving together in a push-and-pull motion that resembled a conflict between all of them, their faces exhibiting conflict and hardships. Shuri’s next translation matched the change.

“Five tribes laid claim to the land, calling it Wakanda. For many years, they fought relentlessly and ruthlessly, resulting in many deaths and even more devastation…until-”

The dancers parted, revealing a man with an elaborate, black and purple headdress that instantly commanded every person’s attention, dancer and audience member alike. His movements were graceful…almost catlike…as he moved around the 5 tribes. Every time he passed a tribe, they would turn and follow him with their eyes transfixed; it happened again and again until all 5 tribes looked at him with reverence in their eyes.

“-a shaman, upon receiving a vision from the panther Goddess Bast, consumed the heart shaped herb. It granted him supernatural abilities- great enough to end the fighting and unite the 5 tribes. They made him king…and he became the first Black Panther…making him Wakanda’s protector.”

You watched as the 5 tribes bowed their heads, raising and crossing their arms in the Wakandan salute while the lone dancer- the Black Panther- continued to dance along to the drums. As the rhythm increased, so did the dancer’s movements until you could barely see his feet touch the ground. His movements paired with the music made you lean forward, your body subconsciously awaiting for the resolution to the climax that was happening. Shuri’s hand against your waist tightened in anticipation, and if you had taken a glance at her, you would’ve seen her eyes unblinking and staring at the scene, just as engrossed as you. 

Every bit of technology around you vanished, leaving you staring at a performance that represented the past, present, and future with a vividness you couldn’t help but feel deeply. This wasn’t as simple as storytelling; this was the passing down of generations upon generations of the beautiful country’s origins; this was making sure that the creation of Wakanda stayed just as important as its developments, no matter how advanced they were becoming.

As the drums’ final beat rang out, the dancer’s movements stopped abruptly. A charged silence that continued to carry the drum’s last beat descended upon the crowd. You held your breath, not wanting to break it with something as small as a puff of air, only for it to escape you shakily as the crowd erupted into cheers. 

It was almost like snapping out of a trance, or maybe stepping out of a movie theater after being pulled into the events happening on the screen for hours. The second it happened, every sight, sound, and smell came rushing back to you. You were admittedly startled at the loud applause, whistles, and ululations; but that didn’t stop you, and Shuri, from joining in eagerly. 

The applause had only continued until it turned into more music, the drums once again picking up but this time with an air of commemoration and entertainment. The sight of audience members entering the circle and dancing brought a smile to your face, and a quick thought of joining crossed your mind before you quickly pushed it aside. The people of Wakanda’s joy was so contagious that you 

were perfectly fine watching it from the sidelines. 

You were still reeling from the absolute experience you had just witnessed when you turned to Shuri. Her gaze was already on you when you met it, her eyes immediately softening. They still held that glint of excitement that had effortlessly reeled you in. 

“How’d you like it?”

Shuri’s question, full of glee and hope that you enjoyed yourself, made you pause; but not because you didn’t know how to answer. It was more-so because of a lack of words to describe exactly how you felt. How could you accurately describe an experience that both educated and enlightened you? How could you describe an experience that you’d continue to think about even after you leave Wakanda?

“I…don’t think I have any words. Shuri, that was the most…it was…” you blinked, your words completely evading you, “I don’t even know how to explain it. That was probably one of the best things- performances I’ve ever seen.”

Your words resulted in a blinding smile appearing on her face…and that's when the realization hit you. 

You’d do almost anything and everything to make her smile as hard as she was smiling right now. You didn’t know if you wanted to freeze the moment so that you could stay in it, or if you wanted to keep going with the hope that you’d find more things that would result in a smile like hers. 

“They put on the performance every Indalo Day- Creation day. We have this festival once every three years, where the tribes come together for at least two nights. They make artwork and trade goods and foods; it's definitely one of my favorite holidays. ” She turned her gaze to the steadily growing crowd of dancers, her eyes scanning over the people of her country with appreciation and a love that went deeper than simply being their queen. 

“I can see why…and that was only one performance.” 

You let out a soft laugh, motioning to the center of the circle and not being able to tear your eyes away from her side profile. Undoubtedly feeling your gaze on her, she turned back to you.

“You’re right, but there’s so much more to look at.” her smile turned slightly mischievous as she took your hand once more, lacing your fingers together. The action sent a feeling close to being shocked up your arm, and it helped you realize that you’d probably always react the same whenever Shuri touched you. 

She pulled you along the outskirts of the crowd, keeping you close enough to where she could speak to you without having to yell. She didn’t exactly have to ask for your permission to lead you through the crowd; the way you kept yourself close to her, matching her eager energy and steps as best as you could said enough.

For the next unknown amount of hours, you and Shuri visited every stall you two could reach. She had bought you a beautiful, multi-colored bag, using a reasoning of “we need a bag to hold everything that we buy.”

“You’re not slick, Shuri. I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything. Ooh, let’s go look at those.” 

And then she’d be pulling you to the next one. 

If she saw your eyes linger on a stall for a second too long, she’d either subtly steer you towards it with a knowing smile, or she’d disappear for a few minutes before mysteriously showing back up and slipping something into your bag. The few times you had caught her about to do the same thing, you had grabbed her arm or tightened your hand around hers, insisting that you were fine, only for her to shake her head and argue you up and down. 

“You look like you want it.”

“I never said I wanted it.”

“...But you look like you want it- do you want it?”

“Shuri-”

“You want it. Let’s go.”

It's not like you didn’t want to buy all of the souvenirs and items you thought were beautiful, as the exact opposite was the case. If you had the money, you’d be spending all of it recklessly throughout the market. However, you had quickly found out at the first stall that somehow, someway, you had forgotten your card in your room at the palace. You had immediately and jokingly blamed it on Shuri’s secrecy…who only responded by narrowing her eyes and speaking Wakandan in a quick fashion to the vendor. Only a minute later, the vendor was handing the tote bag to you with a smile. Before you could protest, Shuri was holding her kimoyo beads over the vendor’s, both bracelets letting out a little trill as a transaction was made, and then you were being pulled once again. 

Dealing with Shuri quickly resulted in your bag growing so heavy that you had to continuously switch it from shoulder to shoulder; though as soon as she noticed your struggle, she took the bag from you with a reassuring smile. 

“Thank you, but Shuri… I think I have enough keepsakes. I could fill an entire shelf with all of this.” 

Your words left your mouth with a laugh as you pulled her over to the side, not wanting to stop in the middle of the walkway and risk interrupting the flow of the crowd. 

“Maybe so, but there’s just one more thing I want you to see. And then we can head back.” 

You were quick to shake your head, your eyebrows drawing close together. She sounded apologetic, like she was sorry for keeping you out longer than you wished to be out. In reality, the thought of returning to the palace hadn’t crossed your mind once while exploring the festival. The ache in your limbs from your earlier training session had been pushed to the back of your mind, almost nonexistent. Shuri’s enthusiasm and the festival’s liveliness had taken up all of your thoughts. 

“Oh, no, I don’t wanna leave!” You squeezed her hand in reassurance. “In fact, if we could stay out here all night, I’d be more than willing to.” 

Returning to the palace meant entering the real world once more, and the real world was currently inhabited by people who would do anything because of an unhealthy obsession. Returning to the palace would undoubtedly result in that heavy weight, stacked high with royal duties and obligations to protect everyone she considered under her care, to hang over Shuri once more. The smile that had already carved out a space in your heart would fade, as would the reasons behind that smile. 

The longer you two stayed out, the better it would be for both of you. 

“Well, in that case, there’s still someplace I want to show you.” Her thumb rubbed across your knuckles in a soothing manner for just as much as her benefit as yours. She waited until you nodded, as if you would refuse or resist being taken somewhere- anywhere- by Shuri, and then you two were once again joining the crowd. 

You didn’t quite make it as far as you’d hoped, though, when a myriad of high-pitched and excited voices flooded the air, calling out “Queen Shuri!” 

With your hand still secured in hers, she turned to face the voices, her smile widening. Standing between two spaced out stalls was a small group of children, all belonging to different tribes and making their group look rather colorful. They all waved with wild movements as Shuri looked at them, beckoning her to come to them. It was evident why as one child bent down, picking up a ball and holding it over his head before speaking loudly and in enthusiasm. 

“Would you like to play with us?” 

One of the older looking kids nudged the child, a slightly scolding look on their face as they said something quickly to him. The sight of the child deflating and lowering the ball with a slight frown was all it took for Shuri to look back at you with a questioning but amusing gaze. It took you a few seconds to realize that she was asking if you’d like to join, as her mind was already made up about going to play with the children. 

“I’ll stick close by.”

The word “cute” wasn’t adequate enough to describe the look of joy and childlike glee on her face as she passed you the bag before turning on her heel and heading across the walkway to the group of children. They looked on in anticipation that only turned to surprise as she turned back around to face you. It only took a few steps for her to make her way back to you to your confusion. 

“What’s wrong-”

She moved so quickly that you had barely blinked before she was placing her lips against your cheek in a quick peck, and then she was turning and joining the children. Giggles rang through the air as they watched the entire scene, their eyes looking curiously between the two of you before their short attention spans were refocused on Shuri. 

You, on the other hand, remained rooted to the spot with wide eyes and a hot face. The smile that took over your face was wide enough to hurt your cheeks, making you raise your hand and lightly massage them as you watched her cheerily kick the ball around with the kids. Her wide smile was visible even from a distance, and her laugh could be heard echoing through the air along with the childrens’. 

The sight would’ve made any person smile, as nothing but indescribable joy radiated off of the group. It hit you that this was the happiest you had ever seen Shuri; surrounded by the people of her country, all coming together to participate in activities that showcased the love they had for each other and the land they lived on. 

Your movements were quick as you pulled your phone out of your pocket, raising it and aiming it at Shuri and the kids. Focusing it, you took a few pictures that you were Shuri would enjoy. You lowered your phone, swiping through the recently captured pictures with a soft laugh before your attention was pulled elsewhere. 

“They’re rather cute, aren’t they?” 

The strong accent belonged to a woman who didn’t look that much older than you, and as she approached you, you could see that she carried a bowl full of objects made out of stone. Offering a polite smile, you nodded in agreement, your eyes glancing back at Shuri.

“They are. Quite energetic, as well.” 

The woman let out a chuckle, nodding as well.

“Indeed they are. I could use a bit of that energy.” She paused only for a second, her gaze growing curious as she walked closer to you. You placed your phone back in your pocket, your curiosity growing as she held the bowl out to you. 

As you looked into it, you quickly came to the realization that the stone objects were actually what looked like spearheads ranging in different sizes, colors, and matter. Some were made out of metal, some out of wood, and of course, there were some made of vibranium. The lights of the city reflected off of the vibranium in a unique way, instantly making them known for what they were. They were almost iridescent, instantly drawing your attention to them.

“Oh, those are beautiful,” You spoke softly, your hand raising to ghost over them before you quickly pulled it back.

“Please, by all means…” she pushed the basket further towards you, indicating with her head that it was okay for you to pick one up. You smiled gratefully at her as you reached back in, gently picking up one which looked to be made of a dark purple crystal. It instantly reminded you of Shuri’s lamps that were in her dorm room. 

Holding it up to the light made it change shades of purple, and the sight made your lips part in slight surprise. The light hit it perfectly so that you could see every ridge, bump, and knick; but its flaws took nothing away from its beauty.

“Would you like to buy it?” 

The woman’s words quickly brought your attention back to her, and you smiled apologetically while lowering your arm. When you looked at her, you could see her eyes focused on something over your shoulder. 

“I’m unfortunately all out of money, I’m sorry. If you’re here tomorrow, I’d be more than happy to buy a few.”

It was almost as if your words flipped a switch, as the woman’s eyes narrowed as they met yours. Her gaze, which was once welcoming and curious, was now cynical and calculating. Assuming she was upset because you had wasted her time, you went to apologize once more while going to place the spearhead back in the bowl. Your hand hadn’t even reached it before her hand was closing around your wrist in a tight, almost bruising grip.

Her actions paired with her expression made you freeze, your eyes widening in alarm as you looked at her. Your mind blanked while simultaneously trying to come up with words that you could use to reason yourself out of the situation. Your voice was firm despite the way your heart raced.

“Ma’am, you need to let go of me. I was putting it back-”

“You must stay away.”

Her words made you stop, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. The thought of calling Shuri crossed your mind, but so did the lessons that you had just gone through earlier in the day. You were in no way prepared to take on the woman if she could actually fight- not in a way that would ensure you came out of it without any wounds; but the least you could do was get out of her grip the way you were taught to.

Instead of replying, you raised your hand and quickly grabbed at the woman’s thumb, hooking your fingers under it and pulling it back as far as you could. With a shocked and pained yelp, she snatched her hand back, her expression growing angrier by the second. You immediately held the spearhead out in front of you, not knowing how to properly use it but knowing that you’d use it somehow if need be. 

“One tree cannot be a forest.”

Her words that somehow seemed threatening even if their vagueness coupled with the adrenaline racing through your body threw you for a loop, your guard dropping in the slightest. You shook your head, your face twisting into one of bewilderment.

“...What the hell are you talking about? Look, just take this back-”

The sound of your name being called drew the woman’s eyes over your shoulder and caused you to glance behind you. 

Shuri’s eyebrows were furrowed as she looked across the way at you, her steps leading her right to where you and the woman were semi hidden. Her steps quickened right as her eyes widened. Her mouth opened, calling your name hoarsely and sounding like…a warning. You saw her bound forward, her eyes angry…and then a sharp pain was enveloping your entire arm.

A ragged gasp escaped your mouth as you turned back to face the lady only to see her back running further away from you, the spearhead you had been previously holding clutched in her own hand. Another gasp left you at the sight of blood flowing heavily from a gash in your palm. 

The initial pain of the spearhead being ripped from your hand had been sharp and quick, though the following pain was heavy as it traveled the length of your arm. The sight of nothing but a deep red covering the palm of your hand made you shudder as you quickly brought it to your chest, clutching it tightly. 

You hadn’t realized that Shuri had reached you until her hands were quickly turning you around, her eyes wild and panicked as she looked you over. While your heart thudded almost painfully in your chest, you were still aware enough to quickly speak to Shuri.

“I’m okay. I’m okay, its just my hand.”

Despite your reassurances, however unconfident they were, her eyes still scanned your being until they instantly focused on the vibrant red that managed to drip through your uninjured palm and stain the sleeves of the button up you wore. 

She barked orders at the Dora Milaje who now surrounded you, telling them to find the woman by any means necessary, though her voice sounded far away. You worked on taking deep breaths and trying to calm your heart, though you failed at both tasks. You didn’t know you were shaking until Shuri’s hands raised to cup your face, forcing you to look at her while also steadying your shaking vision. 

“You’re alright, okay? You’ll be okay.”

Her words provided you the smallest bit of comfort, but it quickly dissipated as another wave of sharp pain wracked through your palm, making you wince. You didn’t dare look at the torn skin of your palm, too afraid that it’d make your already rolling stomach even worse.

Your limbs weren’t your own as Shuri steered you in a direction you were too discombobulated to notice. Every step you took was shaky, and the sounds and smells that you had once been enjoying now overstimulated you. They flashed by quickly, your head pounding in tandem as you were presumably led back to the vehicles you all had arrived in. 

Your mind raced too quickly and was too focused on the pain to even recall what had happened; the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of Shuri’s arm around you, pulling you flush against her body, and her quick words that she spoke to you. They were the same words over and over again, but as she spoke, it became clear that you weren’t the only person she was reassuring; almost as if she were reassuring herself as well. 

“You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

molo/molweni: hello (sing./plur.)

Unjani? : how are you?

Ndiphilile, unjani?: I’m fine, how are you?

Nantso ke, uyfumene! : That’s it, you got it!

A/N: Once again, I hope y’all enjoyed this part! We’re really getting into the plot from here on out, yall >:) this is only the beginning of what I really want to happen, and I can’t wait to see how y’all react to it!

Stay safe, yall!

Tag list:   @shinsousliya , @honey-teaaaaaaaa , @tchhairbandhere , @jessiap , @zane2408 , @bananasplits-world , @yellowjacketmurder , @barkbarkbo , @butterflyybabe , @bananafishok , @zestgodtj , @mitsuya-takashi , @chaoticevilbakugo , @cedeni-beanie , @shuri-my-love , @kingstormpostsshit , @sailorsolar12 , @justariellove , @angelsmist , @eriksjournal , @mermaidchansons , @nil-eena , @paisholotus , @thesecretwriterblog , @brain-of-nekoma , @7tearsofatlantic , @simp4iwaizumi , @bumlyn , @jackdrawsjunk , @http-twyla , @cedeni-beanie , @taleiakirby , @brain-of-nekoma , @borderlineacademia , @honey-teaaaaaaaa , @ventingfanfics

[saikolikes]

Aki’s P5R  fanfic recs! (part 2)

Hi and welcome to another one of my recs posts! As you can see, this is part two: part one of this post can be found HERE and includes fics I bookmarked between April 2019 and December 2020. This second post will deal with everything I bookmarked during 2021 and 2022 (... so yes, part 3 is bound to happen some times in the future)

Here a brief disclaimer:

Everything in here is spoiler for either P5 vanilla, Royal, or Strikers;

I won’t report the tags, as it would take too long, so if you’re interested in a fic, please open the link;

Fic recs obviously reflect my tastes and preferences. For example, I love suffering and I don’t like fluff or domestic works, so browse this list knowing that;

The stark majority of the works here is shuakeshu

If you want more recs you can find them in my bookmarks, most of them are public!

MY ONGOING RECS Again, I don't read a lot of ongoing works (although, admittedly more than in the past) and these are the ones I'm subscribed to that I'm adoring!

The Lovers, Reversed by salexectria, Terra5 (E) | Royalty a/b/o AU | akeshu | series in three parts, ongoing "A Thief is caught stealing from the Northern King, and is sentenced to death for his crimes. The Alpha Prince intervenes, but at what cost to them both?" What I love about this AU is the amount of politics and worldbuilding put into it, as well as the uniqueness of double povs who constantly switch from Akira to Goro creating one back and forth that acts literally like poking into their minds. Plus the slow burn and the pining are just on point.

never die when I'm dead by threerings (E) | Royal & post-Royal | akeshu | series in 2 parts, ongoing Two one shots featuring one of my absolute flavors of this ship: sad, intense and unhinged

IDC FOR UPDATES I resolved to defeat my abandoned-wip trauma one excellent fic at a time so here's a list of works that haven't been updated in a while or the author straight up confirmed they won't keep writing them, but they are so good you just have to read them and let them remodel you. Do it. Do it now.

the year of the knife by theexistentiallyqueer (M) | No powers AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "The plan for Akira's junior year of high school was to keep his head down and his nose clean, but he hadn't counted on his new high school having more trouble than it was worth--and he specifically didn't plan on Akechi Goro, the haughty, machiavellian vice president of Shujin Academy's student council, dragging him face-first into political scandal and a series of encounters that would change his life." Please let teq bring you through a journey of spot-on characterization and stunning prose that will rewire your brain chemistry completely. Their take on machiavellian Akechi is really good, and the snark Akira spits in this fic is really something I cherish.

kiss & cry by MajorGodComplex (T) | Figure skating AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "Goro’s first thought when he hits the ground is some combination of the words ‘shit fuck hell fucking bullshit bitch fuck motherfucking hell.’ His next thought is wondering whether Akira Kurusu, senior debut, constant thorn in Goro’s side, and the only person anyone this season seems to talk about, is also trying to land a quad axel at the moment." I don't know what to tell you, the prose of this one is so witty and funny you just have to read what's published of it as of now!

honeybrains by succubused (T) | Time loop | shuakeshu | 4 chapters "a chronicle of the twenty-fourth time akira kurusu lived through the month of january 2017" What can I say, I am really a sucker for time loops and this fic took me by the heart. Tagged as character study and with rights because the characterization here is very interesting!

in the snow globe by aminami (E) | Time travel | shuake | 1 chapter "It’s your heart,” Joker says like it’s the most obvious thing. “Your desires, your hopes, your fears. I’ll carry them with me always. My little snow globe." This fic will hurt you so badly but it will be so worth it, I swear. It's just so melancholic and tender and angsty and it carved a place in my heart.

my love has never lived indoors by rhodophytae (E) | a/b/o | shuake | 1 chapter "Ren Amamiya knows he's an alpha, and he's comfortable with that, but he's pretty sure that being an alpha is, well...different for him than it is for other people. He resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he'd probably go his whole life without finding anyone else like him. And then he meets Goro Akechi." This fic has such an interesting take on omegaverse! Paired with a stellar characterization and delicious pining, it's no surprise it's a fic I will never forget.

GENERAL RECS The fics I’ve enjoyed the most and that I go back to reading sometimes.

how joker and crow survived the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 by shntlvs (T) | Royal | shuakeshu | series of 2 works "Escaping from Maruki's false reality gets interrupted by the Coronavirus pandemic." Could you have ever imagined reading a fic centered around the pandemic? Me neither, but this one and its sequel work so well and have very compelling bits of characterization for the boys. Unexpected premise, but I utterly loved it.

straw house, straw dog by caelam (T) | 3rd sem | gen | one shot "In the saccharine utopia of Maruki’s reality, Goro Akechi’s mother is still alive." I admittedly don't read too many fics with mamakechi so I won't claim to be an expert, but this one really left me impressed with how clear and tangible the tangle of feelings is.

Knight of Pentacles, King of Spades by Naometry (M) | Medieval AU | shuakeshu | 11 chapters "“Hifumi passed on your greetings,” Akira Kurusu says, fury simmering beneath his conversational tone. “And I’m polite enough to give you my own in person. So greetings, General Goro Akechi. I am the man who will kill you.”" I started reading this fic for the war captive trope but this story has so much more to it than just that. Nao's superb skill with writing violence and viciousness will have you thrust into a cruel world where two boys seem to be bound to kill each other... unless?

Ripples by Riona (T) | gen | canon compliant | one shot "Ten people know exactly who the news is talking about, and now they’re going to have to deal with that." A peek into the heads of 10 of Joker's confidants upon learning about his death. The fic I would never imagined myself reading, but I did because it was recced to me, and now I'm recc'ing it to you, too.

When Your Eyes Meet Mine by seths_dream (E) | no powers AU | shuake | one shot "The way the bellboy lingered on him made his heart jolt, made him think that maybe, maybe the bellboy was looking at Goro the same way Goro was looking at him." I've lost count of how many times I read this fic because the horny is just so juicy, it's unironically one of the fics I come back to when I need to remind myself how to write horny stuff. (the same author also wrote this delicious pegoryu that you have to read)

a study in what not to say by succubused (T) | 3rd sem | shuake | one shot "Akira has finally had enough of Akechi's bullshit; they resolve it the only ways they know how." If you like the boys being really nasty to each other, this fic is a must. It has excellent dialogue, dynamics, and a tad of homoerotic wound tending which can't hurt no one!

MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITES The fics that rewired my brain chemistry, took my heart out, slapped it, put it back, and left me a whole new person.

27 steps to seduce a crow by relationshipcrimes (G) | Royal | shuakeshu | one shot "A handy bullet-pointed list on how to flirt with, seduce, and keep your local Akechi Goro." Still to this day, I think of this fic in terms of Goro's characterization. If I have a thing for post-canon shuake chasing each other, it's probably due to this one.

The Brigverse by TzviaAriella (E but most works are M) | Pirates AU | akeshuake | series, ongoing I admittedly don't care that much about pirates but the og fic from this series (A Brig Too Far) was being passed on so much that I gave it a try and. Oh boy. Not only is the characterization impeccable, the story compelling, and the action thrilling, but at least one scene and/or line from each work in this series has altered my brain permanently. I am a new person after reading Brigverse.

wild and free by bangandawhimper (E) | a/b/o | shuakeshu | one shot "Akira Kurusu hasn’t always been an omega. But now everyone he meets in this city assumes he’s an omega. He’s treated like an omega. He feels like an omega. He knows he feels like an omega because he remembers what it was to be an alpha." This work might have my favourite take ever on shuakeshu omegaverse, it's so fitting for them, so thought out, and the characterization is so on point... my god. Read this fic now.

The Diamond Chest by kinneas (E) | post-Royal | shuakeshu | 3 chapters, complete "Who says you have to see Morgana speak in the Metaverse before you can hear him in the real world? Not the few hundred officers who arrested Ren in Sae’s Palace two years ago, that’s for sure." Honestly everything kinnes writes is gold but I'm shouting this fic out because I reread more than a few scenes from this fic more than once, and it's a 100k-words baby. I am a sucker for heist stories, I am a sucker for dealing with trauma in very tangible ways, and I'm a sucker for kinneas' characterization of the boys.

before midnight by specterthief (Not rated) | 3rd sem, canon compliant | gen | one shot "“I—” Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Sumire sets down her chopsticks and rubs her face with both hands. “Um—who told you I was going to training camp?” (On January 9th, Sumire goes home.)" This is the stellar Sumire characterization fic you're looking for. Read this. Read this right now.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN SOMETHING IN ME (DELUSIONAL) I clicked on these fics solely due to my trust in the authors/the summary/one rec and now I find myself with a new kink. Thanks.

Containment Breach by salexectria (E) | Space pirates AU | akeshu | one shot Akira gets stranded on an abandoned spaceship seemingly infested by a terrifying creature. He finds the lonely survivor of the crew and they begrudgingly start to work together to contact help and survive. I am just going to say that I clicked for salex's name, I stayed for the stellar characterization, pining and top-tier bantering, and got overwhelmed by the tentacle sex. (/pos)

it takes two by lumensd (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | two-shots By all means, this series has some things I usually am not interested in (phone sex, degradation) but Jay is so skilled and his akeshus are so fucked in the head that now I've signed up for the masochist Joker agenda. Hurray!

i dream of you draped in wires by rime (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | one shot "Maruki's Shadows don't want to fight; they just want to collect data. Wait, are those cat ears?" You would think a work with the tag "catboy shibari gunplay fuckordie" can't be too serious. Wrong! Excellent character study attack 🔪🔪🔪 (from the same author there's also this P5 vanilla fic that is excellent)

Darken my doorway by EnlacingLines (E) | 3rd sem-post canon | akeshu | one shot ""I don’t need to test my theory. You should be thanking me, really. Opening this door for you.” “A door to what?” Akira says, exasperated by just how self congratulatory Goro still sounds.“ Submission.” Or: I am a firm switch shuake shipper, I don't vibe with too-extreme dynamics *proceeds to go ballistics over this fic regardless*, *awakens to the wonder of d/s a lil fucked up dynamics*

[kleenexwoman]

You seem like the sort of person who has opinions about the His Dark Materials series.

Yeah, I read it when I was in Middle School and I loved the concept of Dust. I would say that probably impacted my conception of the way physics of spirituality works in some ways it probably did not affect many other people.

I loved the concept of Experimental Theology, and because I was not raised in an especially oppressive religious environment (I was raised by a reform Jewish dad and a lapsed Catholic mom, both of whom were quietly atheist and encouraged critical thinking), I really loved the idea that you could just think up ways about the way the world and God might work and go ahead and try it out.

It made perfect sense to me! If God was just some dude in the sky, then obviously you could talk to him and negotiate with him like anybody else, and if God was some kind of force that permeated the universe and was inside everything, then obviously it was like science and you could experiment with it.

I missed some of the more complex and emotional stuff about the way that religious fundamentalism and oppression affects people, probably, but then again I also took it for granted that the Church was kind of an oppressive institution which forced people to adhere to laws, dogma and socially restrictive policies that were generally about seeking power for the heads of the church and not about the best interest of the people that they governed. So that part wasn't really weird to me, it was just like oh yeah the Catholic Church is a bad guy again okay, that tracks, after all they did do the Spanish Inquisition.

The idea of Dust, an actual physical metaphysical property that collected on people because of their ability to be conscious and self-aware, was a hugely brain rewiring idea for me. I loved the idea that there was something physical and measurable, if not something that humans could observe directly on their own, that corresponded directly to something intangible like the expression of consciousness.

To some extent I kind of do believe that. I conceptualize the energetic body as patterned flows of qi energy, which I see as being similar to your body's plasma. Motes of what Pullman called Dust and which I like to call ergosi/ergosum, individual units of consciousness (from the Descarte saying Cogito ergo sum, or I think therefore I am) are like red blood cells floating in the qi and making it stronger. These ergosi, produced by individual moments of conscious thought, all work together in the body's qi streams to keep the process of consciousness going.

On a personal level, THE ENDING TO The Amber Spyglass WAS BULLSHIT AND MADE ME SAD. THEY CAN'T JUST BE FORCED APART LIKE THAT! FUCK YOU! NOT AFTER ALL THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH! Obviously they managed to get back together the first time they sat on that bench and lived happily ever after in the best parts of their worlds, okay? Yes. Obviously. Good. I'll hit you if you tell me otherwise.