#that can only be solved by letting my brain do something else for a bit.

[orcelito]

The fascinating thing about my limited planning records for writing is that I will go back to something after months of not thinking about it, & I have to try to parse what I meant through the barest hints of notes recording the different themes of the planned chapters

Ft "bad effects" and "bad effects pt 2", which were nearly all of what I have written for chapters 4 and 5 of Summer Nights lmfao

[five-rivers]

Cracked Clay Cup Chapter 2

For @greatbigolhampuckjustforme

“How is this organized, anyway?” asked Daniel.  “It isn't alphabetical.”

Clockwork shuddered.  “The debate about which alphabet to use would be interminable.  No.  The list is arranged from eldest to youngest, with groups being averaged.”

“So, the oldest person is on top and the youngest person is on the bottom.”

“That is correct.”

Daniel hummed and wiped up the last of his syrup up off his plate with the last piece of his pancake.  “This Jasmine person is the youngest person who wants me.  Ick, that sounded wrong somehow.”

“She is the youngest person,” said Clockwork.  He was doing something strange with the plates in the sink.  

“Is she, like, really into plants or flowers or something?”

“Are you really into Daniels?”

“I mean.  I don’t know.  My memory’s been erased and all.  For all I know, my name isn’t even Daniel.  It could be William.  Or David.”  Still, he got the point.  He shook his head.  “Ghosts just picking random names.  What is the world coming to?”

“You could always choose to go by another name,” said Clockwork, mildly.  “You are not trapped in it.”

“I know,” said Daniel.  “I’ll keep it for now, though.  Is, um, is the…”

“Her section of the file is colored teal.”

“Thanks,” said Daniel.  He flipped through.  “These aren’t in the same order, you know.”

“I know,” said Clockwork.  He sounded very put upon.  

“You’re not the one who does the organizing, huh?”

“If only I were.”

Daniel looked over the teal pages.  There wasn’t a lot of information on them.  The name, Jasmine, her height, hair color, eye color, a few lines about interests.  

“Not a lot here.”

“You are meant to form your own opinions,” said Clockwork.  

“Enjoys pushing forward the boundaries of knowledge?” he read from the page.  “Interested in modern psychology and brain surgery?”  He looked up at Clockwork.  “This sounds like mad scientist material.”

“You can always skip her, if you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, if I’m going to do this, I’m going to be fair.  So, uh, let’s go.  Let’s do this.”

“In your pajamas?” 

“Well, it’s not like I have anything else, do I?”

“In fact, you do.  There is a closet in your room upstairs.”

“With clothes that are mine?”

“With clothes in a variety of styles in your size.  They are all new, acquired for this process, although you can keep them afterward.”

“So, no way to figure out my style except for experimentation.  Cool.  Great.  Another mystery to solve.”

“Think of it as an interesting puzzle.  An amusing way to pass the time, whilst you are experiencing the various persons who wish to gain custody of you.”

“Uh huh,” said Daniel, pushing his chair out.  “I’m going to go get changed.  Do I need to pack a bag, too, or what?”

“What, in this case.  Any clothing and toiletries you need will be sent to you.”

Daniel nodded and climbed back up the stairs to ‘his’ room.  There was a closet there that he hadn’t noticed before, across from the bathroom.  He opened the door and started to shift through the different outfits.  

That one was too complicated… ugh, weird texture… too much body exposure… ooh, gothic… but also complicated… nice skirt… robe… kilt?  He prodded at the maybe-kilt a little.  He wasn’t sure that it was a kilt.  Well, whatever.  Jeans.  T-shirt.  Hm.  Tempting, if only for its simplicity.  But maybe he wanted something that vibed with his tail a bit better.  Ooh, Egyptian.  

Eventually, he hit on a combination of loose pants, long shirt, and fringed wrap.  Yeah.  That would look good.  Comfortable.  He took off his pajamas and fluffed his tail.  That did feel good.  He put on the pants, then the shirt, and then discovered he did not have great skills with wraps.  So.  He probably didn’t wear them on a daily basis.  Still, with the help of the bathroom mirror, he managed to get it into a more or less presentable arrangement.  He thought he looked good, anyway, and that was all that mattered.  After all, if they already were getting into fights over custody of him, he didn’t exactly have to dress to impress.  

He went back down the stairs, to where Clockwork was waiting, staff in hand.  “Okay, I’m ready.  How do I look?”

“Dressed,” said Clockwork.  

“Helpful,” said Daniel.  

“I am to please.”

“So… How do we get there?”

“Through this,” said Clockwork.  He held up the staff, and a portal spun off the clock at its top.  Then, he held out a small pocketwatch.  “When you want to return, merely click the button on top.”

“Okay,” said Daniel, taking it and looping it's chain around his neck.  “And… I just go through?  No other tricks?”

“No other tricks.  It is the journey of a single step.”

“Right,” said Daniel.  He took a deep breath and stepped forward.  

The transition between places really was smooth.  One minute, he was in Clockwork's purple kitchen, the next, he was in what looked like a completely normal entryway.  

There was a girl there.  She looked human, and was about half a foot taller than he was.  Her hair was red and her cardigan was the same teal as her paper in the file.  Her eyes, too, were blue.  She… really didn’t look like a ghost at all.  She didn’t particularly look like him, either, except for her skin color.  Unless maybe some of her facial features were similar?  Nose shape, perhaps?  He didn’t really remember what he looked like well enough to say.

But, definitely, what stood out the most about her was the fact that she was a girl.  A teenager.  Not a woman, not really.  She couldn’t be more than a few years older than he was.

“Danny,” she said, jumping out of the chair and starting to smile at him. “Hi, I’m–”  She stopped.  

The girl stared.  Daniel stared back.  

“Danny, what are you wearing?” she asked.  

“Clothing,” he said.  He didn’t think this kind of outfit had any particular name.  At least, if it did, he didn’t know it.

“Oh.”

“And… you’re…”

“Oh!  I’m Jazz!  You… really don’t remember me?”

Daniel shook his head, slowly.  

“Well… They did tell me that would happen…”

“I knew you before?”

“Yes!  Yes.  I… was your mother.  Am your mother!”

“Uh,” said Daniel.  “You’re, like, seventeen.  Eighteen, maximum.”

“Time travel was involved.”

“Time travel.”

“Time travel.  You know how things are in the ghost zone.  You get a natural portal, and then, boom!  You’re fifteen years in the past, or the future!”  She laughed, nervously.  “But I’m here, now!  This version of me.  Who is definitely your mother.”

Daniel realized, then, that just because the memory wipe meant that he couldn’t know what his prior connections were, that didn’t mean that other people couldn’t try to capitalize on them.  Or lie about them.  Or lie about them badly.  

“Time travel,” said Daniel, again.  

“I mean, you’re staying with Clockwork, right?”

“Uh, yeah, so?”

“So, he’s sort of a major player in the time travel scene, right?”

“He is?”  It’d explain the clock theme, at least.  

“He is.”

“Oh.  Cool.”  He still didn’t believe her time travel story, though.  “So, like.  If you were time traveling, who raised me?”

“Your, uh, grandparents.  But they can’t really, uh, do it, anymore.  For reasons.  And I’m back!  In the proper time!   So I want to take care of you now.  And this will start our bonding bonanza!  We can start with a tour of the house!”

What.  She did not just say that.  

“Are they the ones who’re disputing your custody?  Because it is a dispute, right?  That’s what this thing is all about.”

“I mean, um, there are seven groups, right?  Counting me?  So, no, it’s not because of them.”

“Right,” said Daniel.  That didn’t rule them out, though.  Maybe they were the ones at the top of the list.

“So, obviously, this is the entryway… At least, you know, when there’s a door.”

Daniel looked behind him.  There was, indeed, no door.  “What?”

“Something about the rules to these things.  We’re not supposed to leave for the duration.”

“What about food?”

“It’s brought in, the same way you were.  So, over here is the kitchen.”

The kitchen was a long, galley affair, with tile countertops and cute floral backsplashes.  It was much more normal than Clockwork’s, at least in terms of colors.  There was a fridge, a microwave, a toaster, and a dishwasher.  

“Do you know who the other six groups are?”

“I mean… I have a guess about some of them, but I don’t really know.  I’d thought Clockwork would be one of them for sure, but…”

“What, really?”  That, at least, didn’t seem like a lie.  “But he’s the neutral party?”

“Yes,” said Jazz.  “But I thought that the two of you were close.  But maybe it was more along the lines of being, I don’t know, work friends.”

“Huh,” said Daniel.  “I… Okay.”

“Yes.  Okay.  So, the fridge is completely safe, no biological or ectobiological samples stored in it.  Just food.  Normal, edible food.  We’ll do the dishes together, of course.  Cups are in here, dishes, pots and pans–”

“Your profile said you were interested in brain surgery,” said Daniel.  

“Oh, yes, that’s one of the things I’m thinking about studying in college!  Once I get into college.  Which will be soon.”

“So, you don’t have, like, a mad science lab in here where you do brain surgery or something like that?”

The girl stared at him.  “Are… you sure you don’t remember anything?”

This was not a promising question.  “Yeah, why?”

“Because you’re assuming that I have a mad science lab in here.  I’m  a high school senior.”

“Which means it’s weird that you’re here with a house at all.”

She made a face.  “It’s… I had some help getting it.  The house, I mean.  But there’s no mad science lab.  There will never be a mad science lab.  Unless you want a mad science lab.  I could probably make some calls.”

“I don’t want a mad science lab.  Why would I want a mad science lab?”

“I don’t know, to tinker in?  You used to do some, um, tinkering.  Mechanical engineering stuff.”

“That’s more of a garage thing, though, isn’t it?”

“I… don’t know.  You only ever did it in the lab.”

“So, we used to have a mad science lab.”

“That’s– I mean–  No.”

Definitely a lie.  They totally had a lab.  Or, at least, Jazz used to have a lab.  What was going on that they had a lab?  Something sinister, doubtlessly.  

“Did you dissect brains in this lab?”

“No!  Like I said, I’m only a student.  A student that is interested in a lot of things, but right now, my thesis is about Ghost Envy.”

“You’re a high school student with a thesis?”

“I’m a high achiever.  Have to make up for all that time lost time traveling.  You’d think you’d gain time!  But.  Yeah.”  She smiled tightly and nodded.  “Living room next!  We have a, er, one of those consoles.  For video games.  I got it from a friend.”

Daniel let Jazz drag him around the house.  It was kind of nice, except for how nervous she got whenever he probed about his past or her supposed time travel.  He didn’t really feel threatened by her, per se, but the lying… it definitely gave him a bit of, how should he put this, anxiety.  

“And here’s your bedroom, Danny!”

The bedroom was actually really cool.  Unlike the rest of the rooms, it had a very clear, very obvious theme beyond just house people can live in.  The theme was space.  The walls and ceiling were painted with constellations.  There were model rockets on shelves.  The desk had an astrolabe and a small model solar system on it, alongside astronomy books.  There were also some novels, composition notebooks and sketchbooks, alongside a variety of markers, but those were tiny points about the overwhelming amount of space.  Even the decorative throw cushions on the bed had galaxy patterns on them!

Danny… he really liked it.  He guessed he had to admit that, at least, Jazz had known him before, and had known him reasonably well.  Even if she wasn’t his mother.  

She’d also turned around to play with a deadbolt on the door.  

“It locks from the inside, because, well, I figured you’d be a bit nervous, staying with someone you know nothing about, and a lock might make you feel safer.”

She wasn’t wrong about that.  “Hey, speaking of safety, you’re still, like, alive?  Human?”

“Yes?” said Jazz.

“Isn’t it a bit weird, trying to get custody of a ghost?”

“Oh, um, I suppose it’s a bit unusual, but you’re my b– My son.  Definitely my son.  So, it’s worth it.  It doesn’t matter to me if you’re a ghost or a human or– Wait, Clockwork told you, right?”

“Told me… what?”

“That you’re not, you know, a normal ghost.”

“I… he might have said something about that.  About being an unusual kind of ghost.”

“So he didn’t tell you that you’re only half ghost?”

“That’s not a thing.”

“It’s a thing.  You can change back and forth between a human - more human - form, and a ghost form.  Like this.”  She gestured at him.  

Danny stared at her.  “That’s not a thing.”

“It is!  Oh, jeez, I can’t believe Clockwork left it to me to explain.”  She crossed her arms and turned away.  “I don’t know how to explain this.”

“Wait, does that mean my dad is a ghost in this story?  Are you saying that you, as a human, and a ghost–”

“No.  You died.  That sounds terrible.  I mean, you, um.  You sort of died.”

“How did I die that I managed to die only halfway?”

Jazz opened and closed her mouth several times.  “I didn’t witness it–”

“But you know.”

“It was– Do you really want to know?  I mean, regardless, I’m still your– your mom.  And I want to be.  And that kind of thing is really traumatic.”

“What was it?”

She looked like she didn’t want to answer.  Danny poured all his effort into a forceful, expectant stare.  

“It… was a lab accident.”

Silence.  

“Like, um.  A ghost lab.”

More silence.

“Okay,” said Danny.  He bit his lower lip.  “Right.”

“I’ll just leave now,” said Jazz.  “Make yourself at home.  Because it is!”  She stepped out.  

“Yep,” said Danny.  He closed the door and slid home the deadbolt.  Then he put his hand around the pocketwatch, lightly touching the button on top.  “Okay.  I’ll be okay.  I can always leave if she tries to examine my brain, and… I should give her a fair chance.  Right.”

[misguidedasgardian]

I need to... (7)

... Solve this

A Targaryen special

MASTERLIST

Summary: A few weeks with the Targaryens

Pairings: Cregan Stark x Fem!Reader

Warnings: There are mentions of them being Minors! at some point in their relationship, cursing, cheating, angst, depression, inappropriate relationship student/professor, might miss some warnings. I smoked something, and the holiday in the seven Kingdoms is celebrating the coming of Azhor Ahai, aka the princess that was promised, aka our Dany, who saved the au from eternal winter HAHA take away my computer

Wordcount: 3.8 k

Notes: This was hard, and I can safely say this will be the only chapter like this haha I did not check this, like I said, my brain melted jeje

I never wanted anyone else but my gorgeous girlfriend, ever, with her I had it all. The looks, the brains, the sex, the image. She wanted to go to that frosted wasteland, that was not even ranking in the first three universities, so I convinced her to go in the right direction, it was good of me, not bad, it was what she had to do, to become the best version of herself, the one who was perfect to become the wife of a politician. She was perfect for the imagine of a wholesome family, the one I was going to give to her.

I was Jahaerys, she was my Alyssane 

I had her, she was here with me, in Dragonstone, we were set for forever, I put a ring around her finger, a promise ring, I had my mother’s blessing, my father’s too, her godmother was a powerful friend of the family who gave money for my father and his career 

So what if I enjoyed a bit of female’s attention? So what if now I realize, that, under the right setting, under the proper social circle, I was the most interesting and sought after man in the entire school? 

What if I wanted to test how far I could take it?

Fucking a professor was like a badge of honor amongst guys, at least, that is what Criston Cole told me around campus, that if I managed to pull it off I could be some sort of God, I was just, reaffirming what I already knew

That I belonged at the top of the food chain, in Dragonstone University 

And my girlfriend didn’t have to know, she was already here by my side, with my friends, my school, dependent on me…

If you think about it, all men go through it, the younger version, the older one, this is just like that, a rite of passage 

Sadly, you did not see things as I did, you didn’t see the bigger picture, the future of us together, having a successful career, after letting out steam in our younger years, I thought you were going to be the Cyresse to me Maegor, there through everything, but no… 

Your shortsightedness was very illuminating for me

You did not see things so far into the future, and that was probably my fault for not train you properly for that, for what was expected of me, and now you for being my girlfriend, the picture my parents and even grandfather had painted for me and I was so eager to fulfill. The perfect roll.

My oldest sister was a disappointment, my brother Aegon was a disappointment, Helaena was… barely there

It fell on me

To be the perfect son

And I was gladly going to take that roll 

Because I could…

I was going to finish my degree in politics and diplomacy, I was going to marry my powerfull girlfriend, and I was going to give myself to public service and life, following a political career, it was all laid out for me… 

But this was just fucking great

As I watch her walking away from me in the dorm’s hallway, I knew something was going to be different

This wasn’t like other times, when we fought… no, it has to be, she needed time to cool off, the anger needed to dissipate, and when she weighs in the pros and cons, like she always did, she was going to achieve the conclusion that suited me, that she had to forgive me, there was too much to loose for her. Nothing had to change, not a single part of my plans

What is a politician's life without a bit of scandal?

Now I have other things to take care off

My steps are sharp and decisive, no matter how fucked up things look like, I have to keep my composure 

I know that at this time of day, she must be cleaning her art supplies after her sophomore’s class… And there is exactly where she was, with her back turned to me

“I want a paternity test”, is the first thing I say once I check quickly for undesired ears. She turned around and she looks shocked

“She told you? really? I was hoping to tell you tonight, I… had something planned, I gave her class an entire research about…”

“Before we do anything, I want a paternity test”, I repeat, no, this cannot happen to me, 

“I’m only like eight weeks”, she said, her hand on her lower belly

“I will wait”, she frowned, which by now, I have never seen her do, frown lines were not something that she had on her face 

“What happened?”, she asked, suddenly angry

“She knows”

“I know that”, she said

“And it never crossed your mind giving me a heads up? she had known for a week!”, I growled

“She pulled her threatricks today in my class, and I found out she knew”, she whined back, “but why does it matter?”, she kept asking, “you are finally free”

“For what?”, I ask, “to be with you?”, she looked like I slapped her, my sharp and disgusted tone gave that effect

“I thought that’s what we were doing”, she said, fixing her hair, trying to keep her composure, “being… together…”

“How do I know I was the only one you were fucking?”, I asked point blank, and she moved her hand quickly, I turn my face as her finger collided with my cheek, the sting came after

“I thought what we had was special”, she whined, tears in her eyes

“That I was going to drop everything for this?”, I asked bitterly

“I can be what you need”, she purred, I chuckled darkly

“like I said, I want a paternity test”

“Is yours!”, she fought

“I need it in writing”, I say back

“Why don’t you believe me!?”, she was losing it 

“Because I barely know you, and you said, you were taking care of yourself, and clearly you aren’t”

“No birth control is 100% effective”, she bit

“If the child is mine, the money won’t be a problem”, I said formally

“The money?”, she said back, “what about you?”

“I’m a Targaryen, I cannot be involved in this”, I only muttered, and I left the room

I had finals, I couldn’t be bothered, I had a plan and…

Fuck fuck fuck

The words in front of me, in my book, about the Valyrian republic started playing in my mind, dancing across the page, and suddenly I Was re-reading for the third time the same page because i couldn’t process the words

This is ridiculous

The plain page mocking me, the huge amount of information right then in front of me…

Fuck

Where are those stupid study cards?

Flashcards, I searched for them in my suitcase and once I found them, with your lettering, and colors for me to learn by chapter, one color a different chapter…

But these were old, for the midterms, not for the finals… 

FUCK

How hard could it be?, I started rereading, and summarizing, and after four hours and the librarian kicking me out of the library, I had nothing

A day wasted

How the fuck did I became so codependant in a studybody? even if that studybody was you?

The final was tomorrow, and I barely scraped two chapters of the four

This was going to be a long night

Not even Cole could pull me off of this 

The next day, after I barely slept I barely kept myself awake to give the damn test

I was obviously going to pass, but… I was not so sure about the excellency grade on this one

I’m so fucking pissed.

How could you abandon me at a time like this?

So selfish and short sighted

I slip one time, once! and this is how you are supposed to support me? be by my side? 

Two days had passed and no news from her, anything, she had left her ring on my nightstand front he last time we fucked, and she won’t even text me to get it back, and that was worrying… 

So, deciding I should be the bigger person and apologize so we can leave all of this nightmare behind us, I went to look for her…

Alys’ baby wasn’t mine, I knew so, I heard about this sort of thing all the time, I was not going to fall on this, she was trying to babytrap me, and I was not going to let that happen.

And you? you were punishing me, it's alright, I can take it, soon you will be back in my arms, and our lives together were going to be back on track

This was just a slump on the road, and you both should be thankful that happened so early on, so you could control it, and make it disappear in the rearview mirror 

And that is why, when I knocked on your dorm room, I found it strange that your name had been erased from the small white board on the door, and then Maris opened, and when she saw me, her eyes lit up, and her mouth shaped to a sick grin

“Aemond”, she greeted

“Maris”, I said shortly, “is (y/n) here?”, and her smile only got wider

“She told you the other day! she left”

“What?”, I asked

“Yes, she left!”, she opened the door and took a step away for me to look into the room, and her entire side was empty, completely gone, she, was gone, even her bed, Maris had already invaded your side

“Where is she?”, i ask, feeling all blood leaving my face 

“A nice, older lady came one day and helped her put everything in boxes, and in a couple of hours…”

“Fuck!”, I slammed the door no my way out and I cursed the day that nosey Cerenna decided to finally meddle in your life 

She was a poor influence on you, she has always had been

I grab my phone and dialed your number, number five on speed dial

It didn’t even ring.. did you?

No

I looked up the texting app and…

No photo

I send a text…

And… no double tick

No… no, no, no, no

Instagram?

Couldn’t find you

No

No, you were just punishing me, you were going to come back, you always did

Maybe you got scared, and Cerenna came and picked you up, but you were not leaving, not permanently, you were coming back

You were

So I wrote the first email

But it rebounded

Even email, uh?

So I created a new email address, and I wrote the first one

No big deal

I had other finals to get to

And giving you time to cool down was the best idea.

So I did my best

The amnio test I had to make Alys take was in about one more month, according to her… so nothing I could do until then, until after Winter Break 

I just had to keep it together, nothing had a turning point, I still didn’t hit the point of no return, I knew it 

Fuck Fuck

The semester was over, and I didn’t even want to join the celebrations of my classmates, or with Cole, who knew the dirty details of the lowest parts of Dragonstone, the whole city

But I didn’t have it in me

In fact, every desire I still held to celebrate the successful first semester of university was killed when I received word from my father, that we were all supposed to spend holidays together in King’s Landing… and all of us ment

Fucking Rhaenyra and all her family

The liberals, the underdogs, the pariahs 

It was going to be interesting

As soon as I arrived, the questioned was asked

“Where is she?”

As always you were expected to spend the holidays with us, and now, not even I had an answer for your whereabouts

“She is spending it with Cerenna”

“But they live in King’s Landing dear, didn’t you invite them? I’ll have to call them”, muttered my mother.

I looked at her intensely as she dialed the number, but it rang and rang, and nothing

No one answered

“That is strange”

“Cerenna mentioned she wanted to take her to a small vacation, you know they both aren’t as festive”

“But dear, is the week before the elections!”, she said urgently

“I know”

It was expected of me to take you back into the fold

So I did as the men before had done, before cell phones existed 

I went to your house

But it was empty, and no, I’m running errands empty

Empty empty as we will not be coming back anytime soon

We all lived in the same neighborhood, at the top of Rhaenys’ hill, a very exclusive palace

And then when I first started to think, you were not going to be so forgiving

At least, not as easy 

If you had been with another man, I would have been difficult to forgive you, I would have make you work hard for my forgiveness, it was alright, I was going to put up the work

When I came back to my father’s house, I came face to face with Jacaerys

“Jace”, I greet shortly

“Uncle”

“How is that frozen wasteland?”, I asked

“How is that sticking up your ass they put you in Dragonstone?”

“Feels great”, i mutter

“So as freezing my ass off”, he answered 

That little shit, that because he had other beliefs and wants to fight for survival in his university he believes he is better than me

Tonight the festival in the commemorations of Azor Ahai, the princess that was promised was commencing and it was going to be a whole week long, it was indeed going to be a long weekend, celebrating the coming of our savior, who saved us from eternal winter.

As my mother was performing her prayers, a phone dinged you opened your eyes to look at Jace, who took only one look at his screen and his face lit up, and then looked straight at me, with a mocking grin on his face

He had asked about you

I told him you were taking the holidays to be with your godmother

But something in his smiled and his mocking eyes

That little shit knew something 

“Where is (y/n)?”, he asked out loud, I growled

“I told you, she is in vacations with Cerenna”

“I don’t think she is”

“This is hardly appropriate”, mocked Alicent

“But concerning”, said Daemon, who presence here I still don’t understand, “elections are next week, and the Lannisters are not in town”

“How do you know?”, I ask

“Oh I know”, he mocked, Laena, hsi wife, smiled shyly, mockingly

Where they all in on it

“What does it mean?”, asked Viserys, recently catching up

“It means that neither Aemond’s girlfriend, nor her billionaire sympathizer godmother, nor her family of billionaires and politics financiers are here for election week, and i’m guessing, the reason for their absence has something to do with the fact that your son, has no fucking idea of where her girlfriend is”

“Meaning?”, he asked again

“Iluminate us Aemondd, where is your girlfriend?”

“On travels”, I said

“On holidays? on election week?”, asked Daemon

“Yes” 

“Aemond..”, whispered Alicent, “what did you do?”

“Nothing”, I growled

“You did something”, muttered Jace

“You know where she is”, i say angrily

“I know where she is going to be”, he mocked

“What does that mean?”, asked Alicent. I couldn’t take it anymore

You left Dragonstone, you canceled your enrollment, you finished your tuition. You told me you were going North and I didn’t want to believe it

“She left Dragonstone”, i say, “she met a guy from Winterfell University, and she left me, and Dragonstone”

“What?”

Rhaenyra had been oddly quiet, only looking at everyone, but now, she couldn’t hide her triumphant smirk in her cup of whine

“She left you?”, asked Alicent, horrified, “how could she do that?”

“The better question would be, what did you do baby brother?”, teased Aegon

“She left me”, i defended

“She wouldn’t do that without reason”, muttered Helaena, that, didn’t even seemed she was paying attention to the conversation

“What did you do Grandson?”, asked Otto HIghtower

“I told you, she left me”

“And she managed to convince the Lannisters to go with her? I don’t believe that!”, he said, raising his voice, Daemon laughed, drinking wine

What a great fucking dinner

“I’m sure there is an explanation for this!”, said Alicent

“She left with a guy named Ben”, I defended

“You know what? it doesn’t surprise me, she always looked like a problematic, wanton little tart”, the sound of a cup breaking in millions of tiny pieces made everyone fell quiet as Rhaenyra had crushed the damn thing with her bare hand

“Don’t you dare speak about her like that”, she growled. My mother only chuckled darkly, “she is the daughter of one of my best friends, and my son’s youth companion”

“Takes one to know one”, and that is when Jacaerys stood up

“If she left Dragonstone to follow her dreams clearly Aemond pushed her to do it, I know for sure the Lannisters wouldn’t get involved in all of this if the matter wasn’t serious”

“Jace”, called Viserys

“Call Tyland and ask him why he is not here”, hee demanded, “call him grandfather”

Viserys picked up the phone, and called his political ally, it ranged twice, and then it sounded like Tyland had hang up on him

“What did you do to my friend?:, asked Jace

“You haven’t spoken in years!”, I defended, “what do you know?”

“Enough!”, called Alicent, “we are in holidays”

The appetites were pretty much sated after that

I tried to speak to Jacaerys in the days that followed, but he wouldn’t tell me anything

Than the primaries came, and the Lannisters were a no show

And my father lost the primaries

Fuck

FUCK

And when I thought things couldn’t be any better

I was summoned into my father’s office, and when I entered, my parents, and my grandfather Otto were there

“What’s the matter?”, I ask

“Aemond, why did I receive an email about a Professor called Alys Rivers, saying she is expecting your child?” 

FUCK FUCK FUCK 

My phone ranged in my pocket, a text from Alys, a picture, a picture of us, fucking, a Terminantion letter..

All, in one day

“So now we know why we lost all the founding and costs us the elections!”, growled my Grandfather

It was the most humiliating afternoon of my life 

Alys fired

A picture circulating Dragonstone University

Alys taking me down with her

an email from the Dean asking me to meet her as soon as the vacations are over

And you? never to be seen

Alys claims you took and send the picture around

You had received all my angry emails, at least they didn’t bounce, but still, no answer

Daemon, and now Jace knew where you were and yet, they wouldn’t tell me

My mother lost a chunk of her hair in the reunion where they were berating me. Viserys stood awfully quiet, looking at the table in front of him, clearly calculating how much this was going to cost him.

And Otto was calling lawyers to prepare for the meeting with the Dean

The freedom I had, the reliance I enjoyed from my family, the trust they had in me, the respect, everything was destroyed.

Now, I was no better than my brother who tried to study multiple careers and couldn’t finish one, the one who had multiple ladies and scandals with sex workers, I was no better than him, my mistake had been more permanent, more public, and that, in the world of politics, was unforgivable

And yet

And yet

I needed to find you

It wasn’t even later, after I had my grandfather threaten the Dean with letting me continue my studies or else, even after the time was up and I told Alys to take the test

She tried to tell me she had already taken it, that she had found a lock of my hair…

But I made her repeat it, so I went to the doctor with her.

And while I waited for the results, I started to think, to meditate

Maybe I could turn this around

Maybe, if the kid was mine, I could get married. Alys was exquisite, in looks at least, she was enticing, had something about her, I could train her, to dance to the politics’ song.

You could do it, make all of this worth it. The Lannisters were back, clearly just wanted to give us a scare, they will never support the Liberals, they were just taking a warning shot, perhaps… 

Perhaps this could work

My father had a team, a PR team dedicated to this sort of thing, to spin things to make them look great, to gain advantage from the worst of points 

Yes, if the baby was mine, I could spin this around.

And then the results came

NEGATIVE

What a surprise… a gold digger tried to baby trapped me and she didn’t even do it right

She accused me to my mother of fathering a lie…

And now…

FUCK! 

If you had never found out, if Alys haven't told my mother

But you did, she did, you blew up everything, she also, and now… I had nothing…

As I stared at the results on that paper

“I never want to see you again”, I say to the woman in front of me 

“The test was wrong!!”, she cried

“You tried to baby trapped me, you accused me to my mother”, I growled

“You have to understand”

“If I see you again I’m going to make sure you never get another job teaching”, I threatened, and in tears, she left the apartment I had rented 

My respect from my family was gone

My flawless record in my elite university was gone

My reputation was tainted

You were gone

Since the second I lost you, I continued to lose everything else…

No…

If I win you back, if I take you back, I bring you back to me, all the problems were going to be solved 

So I put all my contacts to work, but I didn't have to look too far…

Jacaerys was happy to share pictures in a pagan party, and you were on them

Winterfell Fucking University 

And who was that fucking guy looking at you in all the pictures that look like a wolf pup?

lIke I say, my brain melted... I dind't even corrected this, is just rambling, but an insight of what happened when Aemond's life imploded!

taglist!

@mxtokko @princesssterek @thefandomimagines @iamavailablesstuff @misspascalpunk @sweethoneyblossom1 @ipostwhtifeel @lunamoonbby @ahristata @watercolorskyy @yazzzmints @n4tforlife @littleshadow17 @alexa4040 @speedyballoonpainter @hc-geralt-23 @rayrayredpanda @eralen @yentroucnagol @valeskafics @iloveallmyboys

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - How you view yourself VS How others view you 😳

It's me with another pick a card general reading 😬 Decided to do a topic more that is more general to see what message will come through. The context of the reading is just as the topic. The spread I used is here.

This time, some message is really specific, so don't force it to fit your situation if it doesn't resonate at all. I may need to consider doing more piles next time to get more general messages 😭

👇🏻 Anyway, pick a color that you felt drawn to. 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

It seems that you have self esteem issues. You believe that you are less than others, but you are not working on bettering yourself. Instead, you are putting almost all your energy to comparing yourself to others, finding out how others are better than you. This puts yourself deeper in the problem. The lack of self esteem also makes it very difficult for you to make decisions, as you are always doubting yourself. You tend to wait for others to plan out your life.

Such problem may seems to be impossible to solve in your eyes, but others can see that such problem is not as worse as you think. They believe that it is more like an illusion, and you have the power to get out of it. You are not as doomed as you believe.

The negative mindset may be created as a coping mechanism for something happened in the past. It may be in your brain for years. However, it doesn't mean that you should let it define you. You need to search for the voices within you, instead of rejecting them. It is meaningless to make yourself suffer, and it is not helpful for your spiritual growth at all.

Taking yourself out of the equation is as bad as taking anyone else from the equation. You deserve to better, and the world is waiting for you to stand in your power. Try to make changes in your mindset. Put your happiness as a priority. It will guide you to remember who you truly are, and lead you to reach your highest potential. It may sounds difficult to do so now, but once you start working on it, you will find it very easy for you.

Pile 2

You probably just get out of some nasty stuff, maybe something like being deceived or betrayed. The energy of being hurt and questioning what was going on is still lingering. However, it seems that you have done a great job of withdrawing yourself from the situation! If you are looking at this reading to find confirmation on whether you have handled the situation properly, the answer is yes.

Instead of delving deeper into finding out why they did that to you, you took a leap of faith to get rid of the situation, or cut ties with those people who were sus. You recognize that thinking too much about the situation will only prolong the suffering from it, and that suffering is not that meaningful either. So, you accept the fact that sometimes bad things just happens.

Your decisiveness also grants you new perspectives on relationship in general, as you did not spend too much energy on what happened in the past. You try to earn something from this situation, by learning to recognize the red flags, heal from this kind of stuff, and even try to help others that are affected by similar situations with your experience.

It may be hard to believe, but others think that you're a badass in handing the situation! They believe that you are powerful, and they think that you know your worth. Even for those who may be hurt by your decision, they can't help but admire your boldness for a little bit. 😭 (Actually, I am impressed by your energy too when I am reading the cards 😬😭)

Pile 3

This pile probably has some unsupportive people surrounding you, especially unsupportive family members. If this is not what is happened to you, it may not be your pile, because I feel about this very strongly.

Due to the constant stress and negative feedback from your surroundings, you feel that you lack the ability to make good decisions, doubt everything you do, and some may even believe that you are set for failure. However, this is not true at all!

You are beautiful, admirable, and capable. You are unable to recognize it, but it is not your fault, as the negative mindset is what people feed into your brain. However, people failing you does not mean that you are a failure.

You have the quality to turn this around, and become the beautiful being you are supposed to be. All you lack is the mindset. You can start working on it by believing that you are worthy, and you deserve to receive blessings from the universe, or just good things in general.

Your haters are very nasty. They see your suffering, or know that what they are doing to you is hurtful, but they hope that you never get out of the pain. Some even believe that you don't deserve anything! I feel that they don't even want me to tell you that you're perfectly fine as I feel resistance in getting the message.

However, it is just their opinions, and we know that it is not what you truly are. Also, now you know where your negative mindset comes from. It's not from you! You can make a change, as you are not the problem. It sucks that your family is unsupportive, but their opinions are not the only opinion in the world. I can see that you will find a group that will celebrate you in the future, and receive the love and support that you deserve.

[drdemonprince]

do you have tips for distracting yourself from thoughts you don't want to have?

As we all know intellectual repression does not work, so I try thinking of a problem that I actually do want to solve rather than worrying about a hypothetical problem that doesn't exist yet or one that cannot be solved.

Like so: "okay, let's stop worrying about this writing project that I am not able to work on right now because I'm not even near a fucking computer, and instead let's worry about making a shopping list and a meal plan for this whole week of groceries."

Or: "Okay, I'm not gonna be able to fix the guilt over my role my dad's death at the moment, so let's think about when I am going to hang out with XYZ person I've been meaning to see for a while, and what I could invite that person to go do."

I also try throwing my brain a challenging problem or intellectual exercise related to a topic that I am interested in, or reading about. Like so:

"Okay, I'm worrying a lot about the future of my job, but that isn't helpful right now, because I don't even know who my new boss is gonna be yet and I won't for another year. But here's something I do want to think deeply about: I am reading this very interesting book by Freddy deBoer right now about how the left fails to build large enough coalitions to achieve real political power, and he makes some fair points, but doesn't that concern of his seem to contradict his earlier point about how the neurodiversity movement is too large of a movement and too big of a tent, with not enough focus on those with really high support needs who hate their mental illness? I wonder what Freddy would say to that question?"

And then I'll spend a good long while pondering that question.

Another way that I cope with intrusive negative thoughts is to ask myself if a line of obsessive thinking or worry is going to bring me closer to the kind of person I want to be. And if it won't, what is something that I could be thinking about that might help me better embody that person.

So if I'm reenacting a fight with my mom over and over again in my head, I might notice this, and tell myself: hey. This thing we are thinking about is only making us a more angry and resentful person, which we don't need any more practice on. We are already good at being angry and resentful. Where do we actually need to grow? Oh! I remember, I wanted to start doing more volunteer work. I'll spend the duration of this bus ride looking up some local mutual aid groups and putting their events in my calendar. And so on.

I really think of using my brain as a form of exercise, if you'll excuse me for sounding a bit sigma male -- everything we think about, we get better at thinking about. Every thought process we engage in with our brains, we make more reflexive and natural-seeming for us. So if I want to be a more compassionate person, I can just sit and think about people in a compassionate light to slowly expand that skill. I'm bored of my own misanthropy, anxious worrying, fault-finding, and work-related stress at this point. Rather than telling myself to stop thinking about those things, I try offering my brain something else to exercise with.

Another thing I'll do is just turn on a podcast that will keep my mind engaged. True Anon, Trillbilly Worker's Party, Anime Sickos are all favorites. Sometimes that's enough to quiet down the noise, especially if paired with a vigorous activity like cleaning or a long walk.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 心宅猎人/Psych-Hunter.

Psych-Hunter is a 2020 drama about a hot young amnesiac who, accompanied by a rich psychiatrist with major daddy issues and a rich girl who cosplays as a cop, uses his Inception-style psychic powers to solve crimes that are part of a shadowy conspiracy orchestrated by a mysterious figure.

True story: Once I couldn't remember the English name of the drama, so I called it "House Haunters," and now my brain insists that's the real English title. If only!

Do not, under any circumstances, labor under the impression that this show is good. It's not. It's incoherent. The writing is bad. The villain is absurd. The vibe is comically melodramatic. People make inexplicable and out-of-character decisions all the time. Countless complex mysteries get set up with no way to resolve them. There's a thin lampshade hanging over it that blurs the line between bad decisions made on accident and bad decisions made on purpose, but the net result is largely the same. This is the show that first inspired my wife to declare something dumb as a guinea pig in a roller skate.

But it's fun. It's a sea of colorful chaos with brilliant pieces that shine through like strange gems. It knows how to work an atmosphere and does so to create some legitimately creepy moments. It spins a wild yarn filled with bizarre and loveable characters. And it has some twists that truly have to be seen to be believed. In the mood for some beautiful nonsense? Here's five reasons that despite everything I warned you about in the previous paragraph, I think this one's worth watching.

1. Psychonauts for Jazz Age homosexuals

Honestly, that phrase alone should let you know if this is the thing for you. But just in case, let me explain the basic premise of the show:

Jiang Shuo, a man who has lost his memory and been adopted by circus folk, is capable of jingling his keys and diving full-body into someone else's subconscious, represented by lovely and thematic dreamscapes. He does this to solve crimes. Sometimes he takes along a handsome doctor who seems like he might know more than he's letting on, by literally tying their hands together with a red string.

Also, when they do this, they get gorgeous steampunk magical girl costume changes, complete with the cutest little pony nub you've ever seen.

This show can be stunningly beautiful. It knows how to manifest dream logic eerily well. Most of these cognitions are gorgeous, and many are done with primarily practical effects, like it's a stage play. ...And it's good it relies on that so much, because the CG it has is kinda cheap and terrible! So, yeah.

(Side note for the DMBJ fans: This is directed by the same guy who directed Sand Sea, which I assume is related to how this both is a visual treat and completely falls apart on the back end.)

The reason I'm a bit surprised that this hasn't taken off more among the creative set is what a great piece of worldbuilding this Psych-diving is. These boys (and, once, the girl) get to short-term manifest bodily in someone else's materialized mental state, where the person whose brain they’re in neither controls the experience nor remembers what happened after it’s done. Were you writing weird Arthur/Eames fic a decade ago? I got a new best thing for you. Can you say freaky dream sex? Because I can.

The base premise should be more than enough to get your gears going. Come ready to get weird with it. There's so much potential here, and so much of that potential is incredibly gay and wearing impeccably tailored suits.

2. Your friendly neighborhood circus family

As I mentioned before, Jiang Shuo lucks into the best possible fate that can befall an amnesiac: being picked up by carnies.

The troupe includes Ventriloquist Man, Really Big Dude, One-Eyed Acrobat, Other Acrobat, Cheerful Fat Girl, Boy Who Looks Like A Kid But Is Actually Played By An Adult So I'm Not Exactly Sure How Old The Character Himself Is Supposed To Be, and Silver Fox Circus Dad, who manages the whole crew. They're a ragtag bunch of performers who all live together in this cute little compound in some very nice slums, and sometimes they open the gates to their lavish compound and put on a circus show for all the common people!

Now: You know this is not going to be the wokest, most sensitive portrayal of body differences, because of course it isn't. But damn, it's pretty not-bad. The show treats all the circus members as valuable people worthy of affection, whose (occasionally exasperating) quirks are no more or less exhausting than those of the non-circus weirdos in the rest of the supporting cast.

I was half-expecting them to disappear after the first arc, but no! They’re a constant fixture through the show! They’re mostly there to support the show’s more comedic moments, but some of them get wrapped up in more emotional plotlines as well. And every now and then you get to see them actually do their circus shit, which is great.

I will admit that my fondness for them is related to how much I generally love fictional Freaks — you know, misfits who have banded together because society considers them unacceptably weird, but together their weirdnesses make them strong. When you find them, they’re usually the bad guys (e.g., the Gung-Ho Guns from Trigun, the Scorpion crew from Word of Honor) whose freak statuses make them formidable and occasionally sympathetic antagonists. But not so here! The Psych-Hunter Family Circus is good guy support all the way through to the final episode.

I know "found family" is a term that suffers from overuse, but that's the best way to describe what's happening here -- really, it's a family that's already found itself even before the show starts, and now they all live together as an unconventional collective of astonishingly flexible people. How did they find one another? Doesn't matter! What matters is that they all love and would do anything for their newest member, and they think it's great when he comes home with his attractive rich friends, who often arrive bringing snacks, which is really the best use for rich people, if you think about it.

3. Two hands, one ring

Now, if you've seen the series already, you know the moment I'm talking about. But if you haven't (and, statistically, you haven't), know that what I mean is the relationship between these two losers.

Together, Qin Yiheng and Jiang Shuo form the emotional core of the series. They're both drawn to one another because of mysterious circumstances that have started to align. Jiang Shuo's memory is missing, Qin Yiheng's dad has vanished, and all signs point to those absences as having something to do with one another.

Very early in the show, we see Qin Yiheng pull a "come with me if you want to live" on Jiang Shuo, giving the impression that he knows just what's going on in this crazy city. Except, no, he doesn't. Or does he? No, we're pretty sure he doesn't. Or he does, but he's forgotten what he knows, if he ever even knew it in the first place. Anyway, time to tie their hands together and jump into someone else's brain!

I'd say they're in love, but that's not quite it. Dr. Qin Yiheng, high-class homosexual, is in love with Jiang Shuo to the point where he's about to murder someone (possibly Jiang Shuo himself) out of frustration about it. Jiang Shuo, on the other hand, is much more sticking his fingers in his ears and going LA LA LA YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS while trying get a girlfriend in an effort to pretend that all the shit they get up to together isn't tremendously romantic.

That is, until the scene that leads to the which-hand ring guessing game, at which point the burden of their relationship falls on Jiang Shuo (and the Inception parallels get unignorable) for exactly as long as the show will allow it to, before it freaks out and has to add another girl love interest just to make sure all the homos got no'd.

It's not textually gay, because seriously, have you met Chinese television? But it's pretty gay. Or, rather, I think Liu Dongqin (Qin Yiheng) is playing his character as a dedicated homosexual on purpose, and Hou Minghao (Jiang Shuo) is just ... kinda like that? I mean, everything I’ve seen him in, he gets real dreamy-eyed around strong men who pay close attention to him. Maybe it's just his thing as an actor. I'm not judging.

However, the main cast isn't just the two of them. One of the things that led me to this show was the promise of an OT3. And does it deliver on that promise?

Well ... sorta.

Qin Yiheng, Jiang Shuo, and Yuan Muqing are a pretty standard MFM not-love-triangle trio of Male Bestie, Main Guy, and Girlfriend (respectively). There's about five seconds at the beginning of the series where it looks like Yuan Muqing might be into Qin Yiheng, but no, that evaporates almost instantly and is never spoken of again -- and with it disappears most of their interactions with one another, period. So it's less an OT3, and more a case of bisexual cutiepie Jiang Shuo getting both a boyfriend and a girlfriend in a world where censorship will only let the latter relationship exist textually.

But damn if these boys aren't made for one another. Sure, there's a level of conscious comical queerbaiting to it -- I mean, there's straight-up an "only one bed" moment, so you know the show isn't stumbling into rainbow territory on accident. No matter how sexual or nonsexual or whatever you read it as, though, their dynamic is the spine that holds the story together. Really, it's almost sad how often the relationships are set parallel to one another, because when you do that, it becomes obvious how intense Jiang Shuo's bond with Qin Yiheng is, and how largely lackluster and comphet most of his canon romance with Yuan Muqing is by comparison.

Like so.

sidebar: The Girl

I am not going to go into a full-throated defense of The Girl this time, as I am wont to do, mostly because I think Yuan Muqing is full of potential in concept but so badly executed that there's really no hope for her. Her entire personality is whatever they need her to be in any particular scene. It's just that once in a while, what they need her to be is completely insane -- like, seeing-things-that-aren't-there insane -- and it's so great that it makes me mad! She could have been like this all the time! But noooooo

As it is, she has a perfunctory canonical romance with Jiang Shuo that's about as endgame as anything is capable of being (see point 5), and it actually gets pretty cute when it finally gets to the point where it's not just awkward obligation! But alas, it only does that so late in the series that it's not even worth it getting invested in it.

She is a creation of the show. She has no novel counterpart. Her entire function in the drama is to un-gay the dynamic between the boys. You can tell that she was initially supposed to have a different role -- to be the muscle of this trio -- but the narrative forgets pretty quickly that she's got that skill set, and she regresses to being The Girl. She makes dumb decisions that forward the plot. She gets put into danger whenever it's convenient. She demands Jiang Shuo do manly things for her because that’s what a girl is supposed to do, I guess? And then there are moments where she’s cool and crazy and it’s awesome! But they never last.

So if you are going to watch this, be prepared for the fact that the female lead is badly written to the point of frustration. I feel her actor is doing the absolutely best with what she's got; the problem is that what she's got is pretty crappy. Still, Muqing gets some pretty charming moments here and there, and I think it's worth hanging onto those and imagining the character she could have been, if the writers had cared just a little more, or even at all.

4. Powerfully surreal worldbuilding

I'm not even talking about the way people's psyches are structured according to dream logic -- the "normal" waking world is almost equally bizarre. The story takes place in sort of the real world c. 1930, except that a lot of things are off. For example, Japan and England are real locations, but China kinda isn't -- instead, the show takes place in a Shanghai-like city-state run by this moustachioed generalissimo with a faux Latin American dictator aesthetic. The place has its own flag and government and police force (where all the cops have coordinating surnames) and diplomatic relationships with other countries, so it’s clearly its own thing. But what that thing is? What it’s even called? Look, don’t worry about it. Nobody else is worried, so you shouldn’t be either.

You will, at every point in the series, be wondering if the show is trying to telegraph to you that Something's Not Quite Right Here, or if it's just making weird decisions for the sake of artsy weirdness. But don't worry -- there's absolutely no way to tell the difference between the two! Just roll with it.

There's a weird mix of universe rules happening throughout, where everything is mostly period-appropriate for a while, and then somebody builds a clock with levitating parts, or causes someone else to have very specific memory loss — or, again, swings some coins in front of a person’s face and gains the ability to treat their subconscious like a VR amusement park.

You can sort of reconstruct the evolution of this weirdness: The book has actual factual ghosts in it. Well, that’s fine for books, but TV isn’t allowed to have ghosts. But TV can have people who imagine ghosts, so long as it’s all in their heads. Okay, but you know jumping bodily into those imaginations isn’t actually a thing real people can do, right? Well, then let’s make it scientific. How can that be scientific? I don't know, it’s psychiatry. I don’t think that’s psychiatry. Look, it could be. Well, it’s definitely not psychiatry in 1930s Shanghai, and that’s the set we’re allowed to film on. Okay, what if it weren’t actually Shanghai? What if it weren’t actually 1930? What if all of this were at best a weird approximation of the period that adheres to no rules except the ones we want?

Once you’ve thought that, the sky’s the limit.

The show has a very inconsistent grasp on reality, and I am listing that as a pro instead of a con because I am choosing to embrace it as a deliberate choice rather than assume it’s the result of craven incompetence. There's something to be said, though, for how pervasively inconsistent it is. It'd be one thing if there were just a few plot holes here and there (and there are), but this is more along the lines of: We woke up in a mysterious boat and got taken to an island with a giant sea monster skeleton on the shore! What's that all about? Couldn't say! Was it real? Maybe! Moving on!

Let the number of "it's fine! who knows!" comments I've made throughout this rec indicate how much this is the kind of show you just have to roll with. If you are a nitpicker or someone who is troubled by unexplained nonsense, this is not the thing for you. If you love artistic magical realism and high strangeness, you will eat this up with a spoon.

And the lampshade that hangs over all of this worldbuilding is...

5. THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE ENDING EVER

Okay, usually I am coy about when I think an ending has problems. I am going to drag this one out front and center: Psych-Hunter has an ending so jaw-droppingly, head-clutchingly stupid that I'm actually listing it as a selling point, because it has to be seen to be believed.

When I first watched it, I suspected the show ran out of time or money or something and just had to slap together the quickest possible ending ever. But no! This is the ending they meant! If you go back to the rest of the series, you can see that this is what they were (kinda) setting up the whole time! They just set it up so poorly and decided to make the twist hit at such a late point that not only is it complete nonsense, it actually renders moot the entire emotional stakes of the show! Absolutely incredible!

Now, as I've said before in other places, I don't begrudge the actual twist itself. I mean, it's stupid on its face, but I think they could have done something with it — if they'd had it happen halfway through the series, when the characters would have had time to adjust to the new knowledge. Instead, they slap it on at the last possible moment, when there's no time to have any reaction to it. It's just jarring and baffling, and then the whole thing's over.

I've seen lots of people say "season 2 when???" Season 2 never, friends. There was never going to be a season 2. The only reason you think this was an even remotely acceptable narrative move was that you were assuming that this would be the midpoint, not the end. You're having the same reaction I did, only I can tell this was always meant to be their spectacular dismount.

(To me, it's clear what happened: They J.J. Abramsed themselves into a cool premise for a mystery with no idea how to solve it, hoping they'd figure it out along the way. When they got to the end and still hadn't figured it out, they simply ... opted out of solving it.)

Now, if you want a normal viewing experience out of this show, watch to the end of the next-to-last episode, close your browser window, and have imagination adventures about how you think all the mysteries should resolve. But you're not going to. You are going to continue on to that last episode, and you are going to realize that nothing I could have said here could possibly have prepared you for this. And somewhere, I am going to feel the urge to cackle wickedly and not even know why. Except I'll know why. We'll both know why.

Want to watch this hot mess?

That baby's an iQiyi exclusive! But you can watch the first episode on YouTube, if you feel like getting a taste that way.

Look, I know I may have spoiled my pitch somewhat with that last selling point. After all, why would you bother watching a series if you know it has a shit ending?

I refute your objection thus: Knowing it has a shit ending changes the whole game, because it removes the feeling of betrayal that hits upon your discovering that the ending isn’t what you wanted. You know that already now, so there can be no betrayal. The ending goes from being an unpleasant surprise to being exactly the unexpected thing that you expected. With that in mind, you can dive right in (ha ha) knowing that you’ll never get the closure you crave, and therefore whatever you make up along the way is perfectly valid.

This is obviously a turnoff if you prefer shows that are like seeing someone start a magic trick, perform it without breaking a sweat, and walk off calmly, leaving you wondering how on earth they accomplished such an amazing thing. Think of this more as someone starting a magic trick, accidentally letting the rabbit fall out of their hat, saying “I meant to do that!” like thirty times, and suddenly vanishing through a trapdoor, leaving you wondering what the trick was even supposed to be in the first place — but they were really good-looking and well-dressed, so at least whatever they were doing was nice to look at while it was happening.

See? They're having fun.

[copperbadge]

Okay but can the royal family be called to serve jury duty?

We were talking about this in comments briefly! I've been thinking about it since.

I think the discussion is predicated on the idea that Askazer-Shivadlakia even has trial by jury. France apparently only has jury trial for felony level crimes, while Italy doesn't use juries at all (they have a council of judges). Askazer-Shivadlakia has a number of cultures tugging on it, but given they speak English due to an occupation, probably they have a jury trial format of some kind. Perhaps with only five or nine jurors (Italian Judges Style) instead of twelve. In any case, let's assume they do.

Alanna and Jerry aren't elected or immediate family, they have paid staff positions -- although this made me think that Michaelis and Miranda offered Alanna the title of "princess" as a teen, because of her close relationship to them and lack of parents, although she probably didn't really need it, given her grandparents. Anyway, let's also put Jes in this category of "not royal", because they hold no official title or staff position but have a clear association. Michaelis and Noah are Royals but Michaelis is retired and Noah is appointed, so they have similar status to staff. Eddie, too, is "royal but not elected" and his main function is paid staff much like Al and Jerry. So really it's just Gregory who might legally be exempt. In the US, at least, elected officials at the federal level are. So let's presume that getting elected to king exempts you from jury service until you leave office.

Michaelis, Eddie, and Noah (once he turns eighteen) could be summoned to appear, but would immediately be disqualified from criminal cases because they're affiliated with the Crown and could be argued to have an unconscious bias. What we were discussing in comments was in part my thought that Michaelis, who became king (and thus disqualified) very young and ruled most of his life, would be rather excited for a novel civil service experience, and disappointed when he was dismissed.

I think pretty much any of the royal family except Gregory would be qualified to serve, and allowed to in a civil case (Jerry, Alanna, and Jes would also be fine in a criminal case). Jerry and Al are famous-ish as the local nobility, Jes is a famous journalist, and Michaelis, Noah, and Eddie are royals, but I did a bit of research and I guess celebrities aren't given any kind of special exemption usually. And it's canonical that the Shivadh find celebrities amusing at best, so I doubt their presence on a jury would even be particularly disruptive. So yeah, I could see the royal family serving jury duty.

But my brain is a bit sidelong, so while it would be entertaining to write that story, I was thinking more about...hearings, court protocols, the hierarchical structure of the courtroom, and the weird way in which everyone in a court is pushed into a very specific role. I'll probably write more about that in a general sense later, but where it took me was the idea that Gregory, as a king who has a parliament he has to obey but also certain specific unilateral power, might hold something like a quarterly "King's Boon" session ala the Big Block Of Cheese Day from the West Wing.

Some period of time, every few months, he basically holds open office and meets with people who are struggling to get heard in other ways -- people who want to suggest new laws, or want state funding for something, or need help untangling some bureaucratic issue. One person might have an idea for a law but not the legal training to write it up; Gregory might put them in touch with Palace legal, who can help them draft it for presentation to Parliament. Someone else might be having trouble with some kind of bank issue, Gregory can call up the bank and be like "Hey I'm the king and I'm here with one of your clients, let's get this solved before I audit you." When the recording studio collapses at the start of Infinite Jes and Michaelis says "I'm going to have a word with the government about building inspections", if he wasn't the former king he might take that kind of issue to the King's Boon. Two ordinary people who are arguing about some issue but don't want to take it to the courts might ask Gregory to decide the matter for them. Could be who owns the tree in their mutual front yard, could be some kind of philosophical argument they've got a bet about and they're willing to let Gregory rule on it (this is also very Talmudic, the idea of finding a Sage to figure your shit out for you).

And the nice thing is, much like in the West Wing, this is something Royals and palace staff would participate in -- so when Michaelis was king, he and Miranda would both participate (as would Eitan, as Well Connected Nobility); eventually Gregory as prince and then crown prince would participate as part of his training. It's basically "you, too, have a friend in high places" week in the Palace.

So you've got, say, King's Boon Week, where you get a number, show up on your appointed day, and hang out in the ballroom, which has been converted to a waiting room with nice chairs and snacks (presumably people who can't make it in person can get a Zoom call set up). You wait to be called, and you might meet with Gregory, but you also might meet with Eddie, Michaelis, Alanna, or Jerry. Noah would also participate but for a few years he'd be sitting in with Michaelis as training. Eddie would sit in with Gregory for a year or so after officially becoming King Consort, until he had a more thorough grasp of things. I have a feeling Jes would spend the time circulating and interviewing people for a quarterly podcast. :D

That just seems like a cool thing that is possible to achieve given the size and informality of the country, and would make I think potentially a more interesting story.

I mean. Just imagine. You're having trouble getting the permits all in order for the nightclub you want to open, and you're hoping to get Lady Alanna because you know she's got every bureaucratic "in" it's possible to have. But you groan a bit because you draw Duke Gerald, who...sure he's nice, but you've heard he's a daft scatterbrain. But then you meet with him and he goes through your business plan and is like "This is really solid. Let me make a call," and while you're gaping at him he calls a friend in Legal, gets your paperwork in order, phones a guy he knows who has a vacant building that you can lease on the cheap for the first year or two, and then looks you dead in the eye and says, "Do you need investors? I'd take a thirty percent stake in this," and you wander back into the waiting room, dazed, to inform your business partner that you've struck a deal for each of you to sell 15% of the nightclub to His Grace the Duke of Shivadlakia.

Now THAT'S a fun story. :D

(Eddie is like "Just herd anyone who wants to open a restaurant into my office," and the quality of the food in Fons-Askaz, already pretty good, shoots up a notch that year.)

[wazzappp]

I have this. Extremely specific scenario. I like to pull off the daydream bookshelf quite a bit.

After Robbie kills Ivanov, everybody there still like. KNOWS WHERE HE LIVES. So I'm thinking some new motherfucker rises up and is like 'alright were gonna hit him where it hurts. protect future business ventures n' stuff' and sends someone to take Gabe as leverage. Lisa and Robbie have actually managed to TALK about things and once theyr'e on friendly terms again she is once again babysitting Gabe.

Anyway this mob guy shows up and attempts this kidnapping. Lisa manages to get the upperhand with a kitchen knife somehow and just. GOES HAM. LIKE. 'GETS ON TOP OF HIM AND STABS HIM TILL HES NOT MOVING ANYMORE AND THEN JUST A LITTLE EXTRA FOR GOOD MEASURE' GOES HAM. Naturally calls Robbie afterward because WHAT. This guy is clearly MOB AFFILIATED she has NO IDEA what will happen if she calls the police SO PLEASE JUST FUCKING GET HERE AND MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

It's a complete and total clusterfuck all around. For EVERYONE.

Lisa is IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS OK. SHES EARNED A LITTLE FREAK OUT. SHE JUST FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE. Jesus christ why didn't she stop after he was down why did she keep fucking going god what does that say ABOUT HER. Does she feel the right amount of bad about this? She doesent really REGRET it she just wanted to keep Gabe and herself safe. But did she really need to go that far why did she take it that far and SHE WAS READY TO DO IT AGAIN IF SOMEONE ELSE BAD WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR is something wrong with her? please dont let there be something really wrong with her shes tried so hard to be good shes tried SO hard please please she is. spiraling. bad.

Gabe is having... a fucking time of it. This is the second time in two months that someone has been killed right fucking in front of him. At least the first one he was only semi conscious for but still. @moosemonstrous helped develop two GLORIOUSLY, BEAUTIFULLY angsty directions this could go. 1. 'WOW the world is dangerous I'm so lucky that I have people who can protect me. Those guys must have really deserved it.' (bonus points if him and Lisa are still not on the best of terms but this like. endears her to him. jesus christ I love your brain moose thats so cutely fucked up). OR 2. he can go the self blaming route of 'This is the second guy to die. And he died because people were protecting me. Is this?? My fault?? Is there something wrong with me? if people keep getting hurt because of me maybe it would be better if I just wasn't around.' (<- ROBBIE GET YOUR BROTHER NOW.)

And Robbie. Jesus christ. His brain is being pulled in SO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS BY THIS. Eli is elated, naturally, 'OHHHOHOHOHO ROBBIEEEEE I KNEW YOU HAD TO HAVE GOOD TASTE IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN CARS! See!!? I TOLD you killing is a perfectly natural part of being a person! Look at all those stab wounds she CLEARLY had a good time!' Robbies part of the brain is going 'HOLY FUCK' and IMMEDIATELY jumps to problem solving. He needs to get rid of the body first and formost at least that shouldnt be too hard oh god getting rid of bodies is something hes GOOD at what the fuck. HOW MANY?? OF IVANOVS MOB?? KNOWS WHERE HE LIVES??? Oh fuck does he have to go kill them ALL ?? (<- que Eli doing backflips out of absolute joy at that possibility) Also, brother. You cant tell me. that demons don't have weird social structures and expressions of affection. And Robbie is like. HALF DEMON. AT LEAST. So this shit for him is at least a little bit like when a cat brings you a dead animal (SHE IS SHOWING!! THE LITTLE ONE!! HOW TO HUNT!! SHE KILLED FOR HIM!! FOR US!!). IT IS. CONFUSING. FUCKING CONFUSING AS ALL HELL FOR HIM!!

Idk man this is just the particular brand of clusterfuck that is like my own personal brand of heroin to quote one sparkly boy.

[plusvanity]

Alright so, I wouldn't have finished this so soon but some of you showed interest in my silly ramblings sooooo... here are some of my headcanons for Larry's 'aloof' personality.

Asperger Syndrome

-Since he was a small child, there were a few behavioral differences between him and the rest of the children.

He never really knew how to properly communicate. That might be very common in children BUT he literally had struggles trying to explain anything. Sentences like: 'I want that' or 'can I have that?' were never on his tongue and lots of time he'd get upset at himself/ people around him for not being able to read his mind and take care of his demands. This kind of behavior crosses a bit into 'anti-social' tenancies. (Hard time to communicate, preferred playing alone, very poor social skills, etc) Shortly, his 'forever-upset' personality resulted in children excluding/ isolating him from their games and plays.

-Larry didn't know why nobody wanted to play with him, why everybody avoided him like plague and gave him dubious looks. Throughout his kindergarten and early-school years he never made friends, never had any significant relationships except with his parents.

Why did nobody see these signs and act accordingly?

We're in the late 90's. There's no such thing as ‘diagnosing kids with mental illness’ unless they've got some kind of schizophrenia that really makes them act out. Parents had little to no information about mental health, let alone autism and how it manifests in children. Rough times but that's how they were.

-Growing up lonely, Larry found his refuge in drawing and writing silly little cartoon stories. Solo hobbies are extremely common in the autistic spectrum, especially when they come in package with die-hard fixations/ obsessions.

-Sensorial sensibility: he can’t stand bright lights in his basement. That’s why he always keeps a small desk lamp on and nothing else to see around him.

-In school, he did poorly. The motto was: it’s either you’re the only one who gets it and nobody else does OR everybody else gets it and you’re the only one who doesn’t. No way in between these two.

-The internal struggle of 'Why am I like this? Why do they hate me? What's wrong with me?' never left his brain. Now, communication was absolutely required no matter if he liked it or not. That's school, you're supposed to answer stuff, use your brains to solve problems and get through the day.

-Firstly, he did what his autistic mind told him to do.. he went fully fucking honest and blunt. With every occasion when he got asked about something, he innocently pointed out everything that bothered him/ seemed wrong or annoying without any fucking filter whatsoever. Needless to say, his true-nature approach didn’t escape punishment. His mother was called, the teachers complained that he’s ‘too mean and arrogant’ , ‘never focused’ , ‘too lazy and selfish’ etc. Everything while Larry looked like a fucking deer in the highlights telling his mom that he didn't do nothing wrong.

-When he finally understood that ‘being honest’ wasn't the key for normal human-communication, that's when his mind began searching for other ways to go by.

-Masking-

Masking was the second option.

-He watched, heard, studied, learned and taught himself the Fine Arts of mimicking normal human response in social situations. Now, that's how he mostly made it work.

-As a chill but tragically misunderstood child, he had finally learned how to make friends. It started with Ash and Maple (alternative music and general outcasts) and later in middle-school, Ash presented him to Todd. (Now, I'd rant about Rob and their 'brother from another mother' dynamic and friendship but that's for another long post if any of you are interested)

-When his father abruptly disappeared from the family frame, it just.... made everything ten thousand times worse for Larry (This is gonna be another post if you're interested)

-All in all, now with a select group of friends he’s still aloof, weird, too loud or too quiet sometimes BUT at least he’s not alone and miserable anymore.

Normally, he's a laid back dude, a stoner (autism and substance abuse is another headache of a post..) a metalhead and maybe just a little delinquent sometimes after 8 pm because of teenage rebellion and all that stuff.

-His ‘masking act’ falls sometimes when he talks about painting, video games, music and basically everything that interests him. Asperger in boys is a lot different than in girls. Girls tend to keep their ‘masking act’ better than boys as boys often don't realize when they slip and start talking miles and miles about their favorite hobbies/ subjects without noticing if the person they're talking to completely loses their interest or gets angry for being talked over and interrupted all the time.

His friends find him a bit annoying at times cause… fuck, who like being talked over? but they’re so used to him that it’s just common and gets easily forgotten.

-When the sudden chronic-insomnia hit him, the fatigue and lethargy didn't go unnoticed by Lisa. Finally, she managed to drag him to a doctor that surprisingly or not, completely missed to diagnose him with autism. The shrink blamed his insomnia on weed (another rant here) and …. ADHD?. Larry took the classic DSM-4 test (oh boy, gotta love the 90′s..) it came back negative on symptoms, confirming everybody that he didn't have ADHD. (Now, I know that the two behavioral illnesses often came in package but with Larry it wasn't the case) After that, nobody did anything.

-Now, he lives freely his teenage years hanging out with Sal, regularly smoking weed, getting deeply offended by the un-true belief that he might have ADHD, still trying to figure out what's actually wrong with him that no shrink or DSM could tell and ultimately enjoying his hobbies and little shenanigans him and his best amigo do.

-The ‘masking act’ has long become an automatic behavior, an unconscious switch for normal social situations so, now he’s most definitely not aware that he’s doing it. 

Sal highly suspects him of being autistic due to the fact that he had far more contacts with doctors and psychiatrists in his entire life that he knows VERY WELL the red flags or autistic behaviors. That and because of their first interaction when Larry was like ‘Sup, you like metal? You GOTTA like metal!’ it screams autism from a fucking mile.

This post is embarrassingly LONG and useless.. and I'll shut the fuck up now for real. BUT If anyone feels like asking questions or going deeper down this rabbit hole, feel free to text me <3 as I love waffling about psychology and pretty much anything lol.

Sorry for my bad English, I did my best in trying to explain all that's written above. These are just some of my little silly headcanons and possibly?? more in-depth explanations for some of the things that go on in my SF fanfic.

Ko-fi l  DeviantArt

[theresattrpgforthat]

hello!! i hope you are well!! i have a bit of a time sensitive question so deepest apologies for that. but i just found out Today that i am going to be teaching college freshman starting Next Monday (8/21) and so am scrambling to pull together some stuff to get our class started off well!! im theming my class on ttrpgs so my first (probably not the last) question is - do you have any recs for ttrpgs for 3-5 players that could be run in like 10 minutes as an icebreaker? silly games would be awesome. im deep in the bible belt and theres still a Wee Bit of satanic panic here so hopefully nothing like. too dark or demon-y. if you are able to give me recs before monday i will be so forever in your debt ToT thank you!!! -psychhound

Theme: Quick Silly Games

@creacherkeeper Hello friend! I hope you find this helpful! Whipped it up in an afternoon so the summaries may be abbreviated.

ImproVeto, by Plotbunny Games.

ImproVeto is a GM-less mini storygame that lets you tell absurd, fun stories together with at least one other person. It's also a game to help you practice improvisation in collaborative storytelling and the use of the X-card and similar calibration tools for role-playing games.

Impro Veto is quick, GM-less, and doubles as an opportunity to build the idea of safety tools into a game’s mechanics. It’s basically a big game of collaborative storytelling, and players are encouraged to change the direction of the story by vetoing random elements and changing them to continue the story as they tell it. It requires no dice, and can probably be played pretty quickly if you are playing with a small group.

Clown Helsing, by Planarian.

Clowns. We've all seen them… riding their unicycles, blowing up balloons at parties, piling in garish hordes from tiny cars, waddling around in bulbous red shoes, passed out in a dumpster stinking of booze and regret. For what do these martyrs of mirth sacrifice themselves? The answer is they do it for us. Not just to fill our need for laughter and merriment, but because they defy the doom of mankind! Clowns are man's only salvation against… Vampires.

Clown Helsing played closer to an hour for me but I think if you’re putting it before the students in a less casual setting, it might speed play up quite a bit. I’d recommend a) knowing the rules really well before starting play, b) providing students with roll tables so they can quickly create a clown, and c) starting the game in the middle of the vampire fight. I’d also recommend reducing the number of Dignity boxes significantly than what is recommended in the book, especially if you, like me, are absurdly good at Rock Paper Scissors - because yes, RPS is how you solve conflicts in this game!

Theme wise, this is exactly on tone. Your clowns humiliating jerk vampires. Let the buffoonery commence!

The Goose of Grillner Grove, by Jenn Martin.

A  tabletop roleplaying game for 3+ players for 15+ minutes. Play townsfolk attempting to warn a newcomer about the goose that's lived in the area for 20 years, and plagued each of you personally. 

Take turns telling stories about that time when you saw the goose doing something outrageous, but don't violate the two truths of the game- the goose isn't supernatural, and the goose doesn't die- lest you be honked at by the other players.

At the end, decide if the newcomer heeds your warnings...

Anyone who has played the Untitled Goose Game is probably going to have a fun time playing this. This game will probably go longer if you have a larger number of people, but it certainly gives you a chance for people to get used to the improv side of games.

The Octopus Shipwreck Explorer, by SassWrites.

An octopus is exploring a shipwreck. The shipwreck is full of treasure, but the octopus doesn’t care. It’s looking for something else, known only to it and its eight arms. The only hitch is, each arm has its own brain! How will they all work together to survive?

One of the biggest assets of this game is that it can be played with a larger group of people. To speed this game up, you could present some options of goals for the players to choose from, and give each player one action to do before wrapping up the game.

Spin the Fishblade, by Marshall Bradshaw.

Spin the FishBlade is the GMless, diceless storygame where players control one fish with a knife by spinning a knife. It's meant for three to five players to play for one to two hours, telling an outlandish story with some stylized violence. Imagine if Finding Nemo were mixed with an action movie, like Taken, Kill Bill, or Snatch.

You can see in the description above that this Fishblade game is also a bit over the time limit but with some adjustments you might be able to at least introduce the game to folks. You could create a pre-established premise, and provide a number of items for the students to choose as loci. The tone can vary with this game, so establishing a premise that is clearly humorous in it’s intent might get you where you want to go.

Please Act Like A Human, by Eden Reese Potts.

Inspired by Octodad and sitcoms about aliens pretending to be human, you are an extraterrestrial creature with nonhuman anatomy who has crash landed on planet Earth and until you can escape, you have to blend in with the local life forms.

This game is just one page with rules, and requires a number of (different) d6’s. I think this is one of the fastest games on this list; the rules are simple, and all you really need to do is introduce an obstacle that allows each player to improvise and roll once! Octodad is pretty humorous and light, so I can see this being pretty silly!

[themoodyestj]

hello "new person" assuming you aren't yet another sock account created by walker girl because she's bored and doesn't have any friends.

for someone who claims to have a brain, you sure bought a lot of the bs walker girl admittedly made up.

just open your eyes, if you really have a brain then use it and realize that hating on Jensen is a futile waste of time.

because he doesn't even know you exist, and everyone else is busy with their own lives.

there's no point to this, you can't help him, or hurt him, and even if you do this just for funsies, because you like to trigger people.

i guarantee, no one gets their day ruined over a stupid post on tumblr, i doubt anyone even thinks about it for more than 5 minutes tops.

so why don't you find something better to do with with your life?

i promise Jensen will be fine he's a grown adult, and he can solve his own problems just fine.

Oh my, my first hate mail. :D I was actually wondering why the AAs were so quiet while raging on in other platforms, and then I noticed my anon asks were off. They're bold with their words but not with their nicknames, am i right? But lets get to business, shall we? hello "new person" assuming you aren't yet another sock account created by walker girl because she's bored and doesn't have any friends. Oh, I take offense to that, delulu person. I am indeed a new person. Or... well, not that new, just started speaking up a bit more recently. I dont intend to prove anything to you, I dont give a rats ass about what you think, really, and im sure it would help your delusion to think that Im someone's double account, but I am not. Fairy Godmother turned me into a real girl, I swear. for someone who claims to have a brain, you sure bought a lot of the bs walker girl admittedly made up. Oh I do have a brain! It's not a claim, it's a fact! My mom got me tested! (Sorry, had to insert a Big Bang Theory joke here) And no, walkergirl is one of the people I read, but not the only one. Many many others share similar opinions, including people in your circle (except you club them to death like baby seals, you big bullies). Also, I have eyes. I can read. I can think. And if you dont mind me saying... dude, strong projection. Im not the one being fed up lies from the media despite a lot indicating the contrary. And I guess it's annoying to you that a lot of people start to to think the same... Fear us, because we are many. Muahahahahah (Not scared yet? Ah well.) just open your eyes, if you really have a brain then use it and realize that hating on Jensen is a futile waste of time. Ok. Read my characters. I DONT HATE JENSEN. I actually love him. And thats why i want to see him grow and be happy. I can love someone and have critical thinking. Imagine what would happen if you raised a child, which is the most love you can feel for someone, and only praise him? Youd get a Duhneel, and honey, no one wants that. One is enough, dear lord!

Besides, you don't get to tell me who I hate or not, delulu person, stop trying to force your opinion on me. Geez. because he doesn't even know you exist, and everyone else is busy with their own lives. Oh I saw that. I saw how people were getting busy with their lives, in fact, I was sent screenshot after screenshot of how people were busy living their lives. In fact, I know you didnt write this message, its your secretary, because youre busy with your life, right? You old geezers, stop trying to pull my leg like that! (LOL) It would be funny if it wasnt so tragic how one simple post from a small blog can rile you all up like that. But golly, am i happy you guys have a life to live! Go live it! there's no point to this, you can't help him, or hurt him, and even if you do this just for funsies, because you like to trigger people. Well, I do it to express my opinion, thats my point, and it so happens to trigger some very sensitive people. Although I dont go shove my truth in their faces, like you are, Im simply... expressing an opinion. Im sure the concept is familiar to you. But if I were trying to trigger anyone... You'd be playing right into my game, wouldnt you? Mindblowing, right? Maybe a teachable moment right there, just saying. i guarantee, no one gets their day ruined over a stupid post on tumblr, i doubt anyone even thinks about it for more than 5 minutes tops. Yeah, we've been over that. Im so happy my post didnt cause any imposition and people were able to live their merry lives without causing much of a fuss. And im grateful you gave me your five minutes of thinking about my post. Thank you for the attention. so why don't you find something better to do with with your life? Because... I dont want to and youre not the boss of me, neiner neiner? But hey, dont lose hope on me so fast, I do plenty of things! Do you want me to share some recipes of food I cooked for the first time this evening so you can use in your life when youre not thinking about me? I could share some! i promise Jensen will be fine he's a grown adult, and he can solve his own problems just fine. Oh, thank you for the reassurance, I was getting so worried about him! Im sure he is in great company, with you people salivating over him. He wont get dehydrated, thats for sure! Now on a more serious note... I really dont know what you expected with this message. To rile me up? To play with my insecurities? For idiotic messages, idiotic answers. You get it as you dish it. May this be a lesson. The thing is, as much as I love Jensen, I will never be so invested in him as you and your delulu friends are, because i keep a healthy mental stance when it comes to celebrities. So I would advise you to really follow your own advice and live your life, and live it well. Don't let my post ruin your day, its just words. And like you said, Jensen doesnt give a crap about any of us, so what would be the point, right? Tumblr is not my life, this is a place where i spend some time, but it doesnt really define me. If you check my blog... you wont find much there. Im not as proliferous as most bloggers, but hey, you sure gave me a run for my money this weekend! Ok, this was fun. See you never.

[simlicious]

Personal update 😃

I have not done a personal update for quite some time, so here it is! Today, I dreamed that it was suddenly the 1st of December and I had nothing prepared for my advent calendar yet and was feeling in over my head and thinking "Do I really want to do this again?!" Maybe my brain telling me to actually prepare patterns ahead of time this year and to start early? 🤔 I'll keep that in the back of my mind. I actually finally got Sims 4 running (let's see how long until the next patch breaks everything, maybe I have a few days left). I only want to play with tons of mods, which break all the time and are a pain to update, so I only do that procedure once or twice a year. When I actually get to play, I really like to immerse myself for a while until it is all over again. The funny thing is that I actually have fun playing because so many aspects are new to me (having fun in TS4 is almost unheard of, but apparently it can really happen 😆). Building and CAS are so much fun too! I'm not exactly a gameplay blog and not sure how many of you want to see TS4 on here anyway, so I doubt there will be many pics. I get super frustrated whenever I try to make sims in TS3 CAS, I guess I do not have some of y'all skills or the right CC at times (or do not know how to use it properly). In Sims 4, everything can be solved with a few skin overlays and I feel the weird head shape proportion thing that is so off in Sims 3 does not apply there, which makes everything easier. I do miss patterns though 🥲 I have been pretty preoccupied with other hobbies lately, I've been on a serious style rediscovery with my best friend, we discovered this style system called the Style Key and it is all about giving yourself permission to try out new things and your personal needs when choosing styles, which is really refreshing to all the systems that tell you "you cannot wear that with your body type!" So I've been trying things I did not actually dare to wear, like cute/playful outfits in pastel shades. I may wear the styles now that teenage me was too shy to wear and it feels great! I do not care anymore what other people may think about it. I recently discovered those colorful chunky plastic rings which surprisingly look good on me. I always felt like I could never really make jewelry work on me, and tried the tiniest minimalist pieces because everything felt "too much", but I have never tried the other extreme, the big chunky stuff because I told myself "that could never work". Turns out that trying out stuff instead of limiting myself feels really great and yields surprising results! And I feel more confident too because my outfits are fun and make me happy, and I am more relaxed if I feel happy too. In the Style Key system, I think I'm a Ruby (left-down quadrant) and I think the archetype "Spicy Girl Next Door" fits pretty nicely for me. The biggest takeaway for me is the realization that outfits have to "feel right" for me, not for anybody else and I do not dress to please anyone, but to help me feel good in my own skin and take into account my comfort needs and feelings on that day when I choose what to wear. The Style Key is not a system that tells you exactly what to wear, but it helps you figure out what you need your style to do for you and go from there. It's a bit daunting to get into because it is really so different from other systems and includes rather abstract theory/unusual concepts that are not really that intuitive, but the videos on the youtube channel really help to explain those concepts.

I also still work on some Python projects, but they're still a long way off from amounting to anything. But it's where I can use my problem-solving skills and just tinker around. I just really need something to bite my teeth into every now and then and that is perfect for it. 😊

[karlsthekoala17]

Pyramid Song: Judy x Female V ( Angst TW: mentions of death and grief, fluff, soft smut)

A/N: yes this is completely out of left field but I’m feeling inspired enough to write the scene of my favourite video game cyberpunk 2077

V has finally been able to feel a little more at ease despite her deteriorating condition and the knowledge of potentially dying from the behaviour chip that’s became a brain tumour. While something else has grown her current relationship with Judy, at first she only wanted to know about Evelyn’s whereabouts about the heist that blew up in her face and solve her problems. Their friendship was incredibly strong and it grew more so after what happened to Evelyn at Clouds eventually leading to her suicide. There’s been a tension growing between then and now it’s been dancing on a thin line of friendship or something more. Them flirting over text and how she always catches glances of Judy subtly checking her out, neither of them wanting to lose the other with everything that happened. She tried to liberate clouds from the grasps of the tiger claws street gang, with the unfortunate ending of many joy-toys; now V is off to edge of night city under the pretext of aiding a experimental piece of tech.

Judy sits out her old neighbour’s bungalow on the edge of the dock setting up the equipment waiting on V she’s grown a fondness for the young woman sharing so life altering experiences together being her rock. V shows up with an inquisitive smile seeing the wetsuit Judy is wearing and another one in a box nearby “ Hey Judy! What’s with the location and those wetsuits” she asked sitting beside the woman “ okay you know how I tune virtues for a living and some dolls have implants to record their experiences” V nods in acknowledgment “ I have a new device where we can connect two peoples nervous systems so they feel the same thing” V looked surprised and a little confused “ that answers one question why here of all places?” She asked as she put on the wetsuit “ It’s quite simple you’ll find out once you take a dive” Judy spoke smirking a little seeing V’s expression changed to annoyed. But with no hesitation V jumps in first soon Judy is joined in and after calibration is done heading down towards the remains of the town of Laguna Bend. The place Judy lived with her grandparents since her mom died when she was young and her father had abandoned her, V learns more about Judy while Johnny is gagging at the mushiness of it all while swimming in the church they hear the same memories and sounds. Soon the relic malfunctions causing V to pass out making Judy abandon the sunken town to bring V to shore and performing cpr on her.

“ Woah what happened how’d you manage to pull me up” V asked as Judy helped her up on to a sunbathing chair. Judy was kneeling on the dock in front of V “ I…I don’t know… all I know I didn’t think about it.. I just did it” she said sounding a bit choked up. V felt the mood change and she felt her heart pounding against her chest “ Judy Alvarez you saved my life… thank you “ she smiled looking over at Judy whose face is tinged with red as she playfully shoved her shoulder “ Your such a gonk “ she smiled standing up “ you must be freezing let’s head inside “ Judy walks towards the abandoned bungalow “ so this was your neighbours right?” V asked trailing behind her “ yup he couldn’t bear leave Laguna Bend the police tried to get him to move but he was stubborn. Unfortunately with how toxic the water is he died” V nods and once inside Judy managed to find coffee “ I’ll boil a kettle how do you take it?” V looked over “ milk and sugar please.” Judy hums in response noticing the power is out “ fuck the generator is off “ V gets up from her seat “ I’ll take a look “ Judy rolled her eyes “ be careful this time “ V gets towards the generator to turn it back on

‘ This was incredibly relaxing ‘ she thought to herself while heading inside hearing a memory Judy has of Evalyn warning her to be careful . “ Judy what about coffee?” She asked not seeing Judy in the kitchen soon heading towards the bathroom opening it. She seen her expression and immediately sits beside her “ Judy what is it you know we’re still connected “ Judy sniffled “ I found out through Roxanne the tiger claws killed a bunch of joytoys including Tom she was lucky to get out.” She expressed feeling extremely guilty about what happened V took this to comfort Judy wrapping an arm around her waist embracing her “ it’s not your fault it’s the tiger claws doing now let’s forget about it for a moment “ v spoke her voice lower holding Judy’s face capturing her lips in hers.

Before Judy could respond she felt V lean in and almost moaned at the feeling of her lips finally on hers. Judy pulled her away leading towards the bed pulling V to straddle her to continue their make out session. Their hands roaming around the other’s body V has pulled away from the kiss to kiss down her neck while Judy taken the opportunity to take off her clothes and doing the same for V. V had gotten in a spooning position Judy’s back flushed to her chest as she explored her body reaching between her legs to circle her clit feeling her body arch into her touch “ fuck V that feels so good “ Judy moaned out craning her neck to kiss V as she rubbed a little firmer feeling her get more turned on “ I need to get a taste.” V mumbled to herself as she flipped Judy on her back kissing down her body all over her tattoos and before she could do anything she leaned up to kiss her. V took her place between her legs and began to kiss along her inner thighs before reaching her destination as she licked up her slit flicking against her clit . Judy’s hips buck into V’s face gripping her hair as V moves up to kiss Judy introducing two fingers inside her the pace was almost frantic her wrist angled so her palm was rubbing against her clit . “ Fuck fuck fuck V you’re going to make me cum just like that .” Judy held her hand that’s fingering her as V kisses on her neck humming against her neck feeling Judy tighten around her as moans out her name feeling the gush of her orgasm as she slowed down to let her ride out her pleasure she laid beside her going to clean her up with her tongue till Judy pushed her head away. V laid back down and lights up a cigarette having a drag soon after Judy is straddling her having a drag before leaning over V “ my turn to repay you “ Judy smirked as did V.

V leaned up against the headboard smoking her cigarette while she watched Judy kiss down her body getting a better view of her tattoos on her back biting her lip. Judy didn’t tease her like she did to her immediately licking up to her clit while she suckled on it causing V to almost drop her cigarette she flicked it out before her hands tangled in her short hair “ fuck Judy your mouth .” V moans out as Judy smirks against her clit she switched with rubbing her clit with her thumb while she sticks her tongue into her despite not going to far in with how turned on V was she was already tightening up “ oh fuck that’s it shit I’m going to cum.” V moans out her voice a little hoarse from her loud moans as she clamps her thighs around Judy’s head as she cums hard. Judy slowed her movements before pressing a kiss to her clit before crawling her way up V immediately pulled her in for a kiss moaning at the taste of herself on her tongue “ holy shit that was incredible.” V spoke up she wrapped her arms around her and intertwined their legs “ mhm it was let’s head to sleep “ Judy mumbled tiredly V felt tired too she just nods pulling the covers over them falling asleep

V wakes up to find Judy missing she puts on her clothes walking outside half asleep seeing Judy on the dock “ morning “ she greets Judy who smiled at her arrival “ hey you here’s your coffee “ V held the mug taking a sip “ so what was that?” Judy asked seriously “ would you like a repeat of last night.” Judy rolled her eyes “ I’m being serious V .. like what did that mean to you “ she asked softly looking over at her. “ it was the start of something new. If that’s what you’d want” V says awkwardly her face a little pink while Judy smiled wide pulling her into a hug “ you ruined my plans you know I was planning to move away from Night City “ she gave a half smile while V laughed softly “ guess I gotta make it up to you “ she leaned in closer to Judy their lips almost touching “ you sure do “ she smiled before kissing her softly

A/N: hi so I hope you liked this! I didn’t proof read this but it’s been sitting in my brain for a while and decided to do it

[emilyssky]

Chapter 4: City Lights And Past Lives.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Minho's POV:

1 year ago.

I solved my phone back in my pocket, choosing to ignore Jisung's messages. I know I'm probably being a dick right now, but he's used to it and he understands. That's one of the things I like about him. He doesn't ask much, he simply knows. He knows when he has to push me and when he has to let me push myself. I take another puff of the remaining bits of my cigarette and throw it on the ground. I lift my hood, trying to protect the sides of my face from the cold, but I keep shivering. My brain is so numb right now that the physical pain is the only thing that I can feel. On days like this, I honestly miss being 16 and getting my ass kicked by my dad, cause at least then the pain in my body was stronger than the voices in my head. As the years went by I found other ways though. As much as I hated him, I got addicted to the pain. I used it as my own personal punishment. The self-loath that he caused me made me crave it. I found similar pain in things like drugs and alcohol and started getting off by inflicting pain on others. Girls I would use and dump, friends I would treat like shit, people that would try to help me that I would lie to. I did anything to remind myself that I had power. That I wasn't the scared little boy he would beat the shit out of. I wasn't someone who was only capable of kneeling and taking beatings. I was strong. I was in control. I wasn't the one in pain.

I didn't wanna deal with anything. Or anyone. And I know that running away from you're problems is not doing shit. I know that I have to go back and deal with this but right now, I just want the world to be quiet. I want everything to go away for a few minutes so that I can have some space to fucking breathe. I jog up the stairs that lead to the roof. I've been coming here whenever I wanted to just get away for a little. This place was already at the top of my 'fuck everything, I wanna be alone' list, but since that night, I've been coming here kinda hoping to see her again. I know that that's not actually what I want. I can't deal with another confrontation, but I want the silence that came with her. It was like all my walls were replaced with mirrors and as she talked my mind backed off more and more, leaving me completely alone, listening. I was listening. For the first time, someone didn't force me to talk about anything or explain myself. All I had to do was sit and listen to her comforting me. Reminding me that; it's going to be okay. After that night, her words lived in my head rent-free. You know how most people have a song that, whenever everything goes to shit, they just put their headphones on and simply listen to it, and for these 3-4 minutes everything else fades away. That's how I kept her in my mind. Like a comfort song that I've been having on repeat ever since then. I force my legs to climb the last flight of stairs, finally reaching the top. I tilt my head a bit, looking at the half-open door with confusion. It's almost 4 in the morning. I place my hand on the door handle, and just as I'm about to pull it even more open, a figure flashes through the small gap of the open door. I move my head further into the door's opening, narrowing my eyes, trying to spot the person again, but the moon being the only source of light, doesn't help. They step into my line of vision again. The long hair makes me realise that it's a girl. She extends her foot and lifts herself up in a fouetté,  which I instantly recognise. Her turns are surprisingly clean. Her body keeps moving around the roof, occasionally leaving my limited line of vision. Her back is facing me, not allowing me to see her face. I stand there behind the door, completely magnetised by her dance. She must be a student here. I lean a bit forward trying to catch a glimpse of her face as she jumps and turns. She bends her back backwards, her head and hands handing beautifully and I freeze. I realise that the huge amount of weed that I've smoked hasn't made me completely numb after all cause I swear I just felt my heart skipping a beat. Her eyes are closed as she stays in position, rolling her head and hands to the music that's probably coming from the Air-pods that are now visible in her ears. Her face twitches with emotion and my hold on the door tightens. It's her. Questions, questions, questions. So many questions run through my head. So many emotions overwhelm me. Fuck, I must be so too high right now. I've thought about her way more than I like to admit. Now she stands here, in front of me. And I don't move, I stay hidden behind the door, watching her dance with tears on her face. I don't wanna talk to her. I don't wanna know her name or why she's crying. I just wanna watch her. And the more I do the more my heart tightens cause the memories that she awakes hurt. She dances so much like Mia, that it's ridiculous, I swear I see her face at some point. I know that I only hurt myself more by sitting here and watching her but I'm completely mesmerised by the way she moves. She's the perfect combination of uncontrollable passion and technique. She's using so much power in such a tender and light way, that I'm jealous. I miss dancing like that. I miss the emotional freedom that I felt whenever I danced. I let myself slide down the side of the wall soundlessly, and rest my head against it. There she is again. My little mirror.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Y/n's POV: The next few days went by in a blur. Wake up, go to class, come home, practice, and go to sleep. Every day is basically the same but I'm not really bothered by it, routine is good, I like having a routine. It's safe. It doesn't make me anxious and everything is scheduled. Dance has been hard though. Correction after correction, my annoyance grew. I was making no progress.

.

.

.

"I don't know y/n. Isn't it a bit short?" Emma is standing in front of the mirror, tugging her tight blue dress down, unsuccessfully.

"Em, you look fucking amazing. Blue is the perfect colour for blondes, and you're boobs look incredible." I praise her in an attempt to boost her almost nonexistent confidence as I put my hoops on. "Seungmin is going to be hard from the minute you walk in, bet" I stand beside her in the mirror, taking a look at myself. We look completely different. She's wearing a blue strapless dress with white heels that make her almost as tall as I am. Her long blonde hair falls in loose curls down her bare back and her light makeup looks almost flawless. On the other hand, I'm wearing leather pants that are tight around my waist but a bit baggier around my thighs and a simple strapless black top. I've straightened my naturally curly hair and kept my makeup the same as every time with black eyeliner and a dark red colour on my lips.

"You're one to talk." She bumps her hip to mine "You're hot as hell"

"Stop" I roll my eyes, smiling at her.

"Is Chan picking us up?" She asks as she fills her purse with makeup and other stuff.

"Um no, Hyunjin's picking us up." I grab my jacket and walk to the living room. Emma follows shortly.

"Great, are they going to text you when-"

My phone interrupts her and we smile at each other. Hyunjin's name flashes across the screen. Wow, he's actually on time, that's a first. I answer and put him on speaker.

"We're here bitches." Hyunjin yells.

"We'll be down in five." I say and hang up.

"Let's go." Emma says with excitement and we walk out the door.

Felix rolls down his window from the passenger's seat and lets out a loud whistle. "Damn." He yells.

"Hello ladies," Hyunjin says as we enter the car.

"Hey," I say. "You're exactly on time. I'm proud of you.."

"Okay, you're both hot" Hyunjin comments as he drives off.

"You sound surprised. " Emma says and I giggle.

"You know what I mean" Hyunjin's eyes are focused on the road as he speaks.

"Is Jisoo not coming?" I ask.

"No, Seungmin only invited us, and since I don't really know them that long I didn't wanna push it and ask to bring someone else. Plus, we're not 'together ' together anyway." he shrugs.

"Come on now, you've been seeing each other for like, a year and you're completely obsessed with her." They've been fucking around for so long but even though they never made it official, we all know that they have feelings for each other.

"I'm not, shut up" Hyunjin tries to contain his smile.

After a few minutes, we pull to an apartment complex.

"It's not far from our apartment. " Emma comments as walks to the door.

"We could stay over at your place if we get too wasted and none of us can drive. It's like 10 minutes away." Hyunjin says.

"Sure, we'll probably have an extra bed anyway 'cause Em will hopefully not come home tonight."  I wrap my hand around her shoulders.

"If you're anything like that in front of him, I'll physically hurt you." She attempts to threaten me but both me and the boys just laugh.

The music can be heard from down the hall, and we had to ring the bell at least 5 times before a guy opened the door.

"Hi" he smiles at us.

"Hi, Jeongin" Emma gives him a quick hug. The guys simply nod at him and follow Emma inside the apartment.

"Hi, I'm y/n" I shake his hand.

"I know, Chan told me you were coming. It's nice to meet you, I'm Jeongin" He has a nice smile. He's tall, with dark hair, brown eyes, and perfect eyebrows. He looks like he could be a model.

I take a step to his left, inside."Is Chan here?" I lean into him a bit cause it's so crowded in here that I could easily get lost.

"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen." He says, closing the door. Emma, Hyunjin, and Felix have already disappeared. There are more people than I was expecting, Emma made it sound like it was a private party, but there are at least 60 people here.

"The kitchen.." I trail off as I look through the crowd, trying to find it. I hear him laugh from behind me.

"Come with me" He touches my back lightly before moving in front of me, guiding me to the kitchen. I instantly spot Chan's blond hair. He's with Changbin and some other people pouring shots.

"Hi" I go up to him from behind and he instantly smiles when he sees it's me. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed.

"Oh my god, heyyyyy" He pulls me into a hug and I giggle.

"Are you drunk already?" I love drunk Chan. He hardly drinks that much but when he does he's one of the funniest people ever.

"Tipsy," he corrects me pointing a finger at me "Tipsy is the right word dear"

He pours two more shots and he gives one to me and one to Jeongin who's still standing beside me.

"Let's get it" Changbin yells and we all drown our shots. . . .

.

.

The energy in this house is crazy and at this point, everyone is pretty much drunk, including me and I'm loving it. I found myself dancing on tables, playing games, chatting with people, and actually smiling. For a moment I felt like my old self again and I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I possibly can. So I drank more and danced more until the thoughts in my head about what I should and shouldn't do were gone. Currently, Emma and Seungmin are nowhere to be found, Felix has been following Hyunjin's drunk ass around cause he has thrown up 2 times already, Chan is playing beer pong with Changbin and some other girls and I'm dancing with Jisung and Jeongin. Turns out Jisung is a really good dancing partner and has been filling up Hyunjin's spot all night. Well, I did threaten him not to leave my side. Jeonjin is also a really nice guy, super funny, and easy to be around. Even if I don't wanna admit it, my eyes have been searching for Minho ever since I got here but he's nowhere to be found. I know I shouldn't really care, he hasn't been particularly nice to me but that doesn't really stop my growing curiosity about him. The temperature in the room is incredibly hot. My hair is sticking to my back and I feel like my whole face is on fire, the amount of alcohol that I've consumed doesn't really help. My breaths are getting shorter and sharper as I push my body to move to the music between Jisung and Jeongin. The minute I feel my stomach turning I knew I had to slow down for a bit. I needed air.

"I'm going to get some air, I'm sweating so fucking much." I yell over the music to both of them. Jeongin pulls me closer to him by my elbow.

"Do you want me to take you?" He says to my ear. Jeongin has been my guide through the house the entire night. He's taken me to his room to leave my stuff, and to the bathroom, and he showed me around the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. Emma was right, this place is huge.

"No, I got this one." I reassure him. I make my way upstairs and walk down the hall, to the last room, where we left our stuff. I remember that there was a small balcony and when I open the door, I'm happy to see that I remembered correctly. I carefully pull open the small balcony door oven and step out, letting the cool air hit my skin. My ears are ringing from the loud music, my eyes can't really focus on anything and my mind is a blur, unable to think about anything. In this moment I find myself smiling, cause in this moment everything is silent. The apartment is pretty high up, giving the guys access to an incredible view. I notice a small flight of stairs to my left. I look at them curiously, before slowly walking up, my drunken state not making it easy for me. When I reached the top, I looked around only to realise that I'm on a small rooftop. My eyes light up at the sight and a giggle escapes me. Rooftops make me happy. I wish our apartment had one.

"Okay, now who's stalking who?" A low voice says and my head snaps to the left. Minho's sitting on the floor with a cigarette between his lips. There he is. Has he been up here this whole time?

"I didn't even know you were here." I protest, taking a step forwards but stumbling a bit on my own feet.

Minho let out a low raspy laugh. "How come every time we meet on a rooftop you're always drunk? " He snorts "Is that like a thing? Whenever you get drunk you search for a rooftop?"

I keep my eyes on the sky in front of me. "I like rooftops," I smile as I begin to walk aimlessly around. "Something about being so high, no walls around me, a clear view of the sky, makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, it calms me down." I grab the railing and take a look downwards to see how far up are we.

"Get away from the railing, you're drunk." Minho's voice comes out louder than before. I look at him over my back. He's now standing, his cigarette rests between his fingers and his eyes are set on my figure.

Interesting.

I turn around, resting my back on the trailing, my hands still gripping it tightly.

Deja vu.

"Or what?" I giggle and lean backward just a bit more. He takes a quick step forward, his free hand extended towards me.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking around, get away." His tone is demanding and his eyes are hard, jaw set. My drunk mind finds his face funny.

"You're funny." I smile at him. He takes a few more steps, carefully.

"I'm not joking." His voice gets low again.

My eyes spark with excitement. "Oops" I lean back furthermore, but his hand comes around my waist pulling me away.

"Do you wanna die?" He says, staring down at me. I know he's half joking but my mouth opens before my mind can think.

"That would be a good way to go." I half smile.

His eyebrows draw together "What?"

"I mean it would be easier right?" I tilt my head at him "It wouldn't be entirely my fault. She got drunk and she fell off the roof sound better than anything else that would make me look weak right?" His face is unreadable, or maybe shocked I can't really tell. He drops his hand from my waist but doesn't say a word. "But either way, I'm weak right Minho?" I say, waving my hands. He clears his throat and looks away from my eyes.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"Cut the bullshit, I know what you meant." A sudden wave of emotions runs through me and I raise my voice slightly. "But let's get one thing straight, you don't know anything." I move closer to him. "You don't know anything about me or what happened. You're so quick to judge me and call me weak and stupid but you don't know shit."His expression changes slightly. A flash of emotion in his eyes that wasn't there before, he opens his mouth and then closes it again. His lips turn into a line and then he exhales loudly.

"It's not like that. I was just trying to help."He finally says.

"I don't need your help Minho. I don't want your fucking pity." I say through my teeth.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "I don't pity you y/n" He grabs my hand and without realising it I flinch lightly. He takes a sharp breath, his eyes widening only for a second before he drops his grip on my hand and turns around. He starts walking back and forth, hands on his head, through his hair, over his face, and finally set on his waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I begin to apologise.

"Stop," His tone is sharp. He shakes his head. "You're- You're pissing me off."

Pissing him off? "What did I even do?" I honestly ask, frustrated.

"Why are you apologising?" He spins around. I stare at him, no words are coming out of my mouth. I simply stare at him. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden and my eyes fall to the ground.

"What happened to you?" His eyes are searching my face. "I remember a year ago, I met a girl on a rooftop. I was just sitting there when she stumbled through the door, wasted. She was smiling and she talked about life, kindness, and shit. Her eyes were wild and her voice loud and powerful. Her presence was so incredibly bright and I hated it. It pissed me off. It pissed me off because she was everything that I wasn't. The way she viewed the world and the way she talked about people and life made me jealous. I was jealous of her light. It reminded me of a lot of things I missed. I hated it." My eyes can't keep eye contact with him as he speaks. My stomach is a knot, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

He remembers me.

"Now here we are," He waves his hand around. "A year later, on a rooftop and you're once again drunk. But you're different. And I don't know why, but it makes me mad." My eyes are glued to the ground. My whole body is tensed and I feel more exposed than I should.

"You were right" I finally find my words.

"About what?"

"I'm weak," I nod several times. "And stupid. And I don't have the courage to say to anyone that I was in a shitty relationship. That I was weak enough to be manipulated and lied to and treated like shit. None knows about my childhood or my past in general. I'm scared that everyone would look at me differently. I'm scared that everyone will judge me. Like I did to my mom." I confess. "I promised myself that I would be stronger than she was. Braver and smarter," I laugh. "But of course, I met a guy in my first year of college and I thought I could fix him. I wanted to help him, so I stayed. I made excuses every time something would happen. And he played me. " My eyes begin to burn, desperately holding back the tears. Minho's gaze is hard. From the way he's looking at me, I can tell that he wasn't expecting me to share that much.

"I'm sorry," I sniff and try to look anywhere else. "I tend to overshare when I drink." I laugh awkwardly.

"Was he hitting you?" His question makes me freeze. This is a question I wished I would never hear anyone ask me. It sounds almost unreal.

"In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Not enough for me to realise I guess. But he did at some point, yes. " My voice falters. "He would get mad often. He would yell. He would throw things, a lot of times dangerously close to me. At times I would try to calm him down, but he would push me, not caring to look where I would land. It wasn't like he was beating me up, we were fighting all the time. It was pushing around, slamming into walls, choking, throwing things. It was the type of beatings that in my mind I could justify cause I wasn't exactly innocent. If I had slapped him and then he had pushed me against the wall and choked me until I begged him to stop, I couldn't blame him completely cause I was the one who had started it. In the beginning, it was sort of exciting, the fighting and the toxicity gave me the kind of rush that made me go back, wanting more. But things started to change and the realization of the situation hit me as hard as the first time he actually slapped me. I would fight, I would yell at him but at some point I became mentally drained and I couldn't really fight back." The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. Like a secret, I was dying to finally say out loud. "Even during sex he was-"

"That's enough" Minho looks at me, disgusted almost. He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the night sky.

"He had a hard childhood. His father treated him like shit. His mother passed away when he was young-" His laugh cuts me off as he turns to look at me.

"I'm not defending him," I whisper." I-I..." I take a deep breath. " I left him. It turns out I was a joke to him. He was supposed to fuck me and move on to the next girl. He had made bets with his friends and I was so naive that I fell right into his little game. The day I found out was the day he lost it and he ended up choking me. When it got to the point that I couldn't really breathe, he snapped back to reality but it was too late. I left him that day"

Minho shakes his head once again, smiling at the ground. His hands are crossed.

"The day we met, I caught him having sex with a blonde bitch at a frat party," I giggle. His eyes shoot up at mine. I drop to the ground and bring my knees to my chest. "And you know what's the saddest part?" I look up at him and smile a little. "I don't even miss him. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him. I miss who I was before him. I'm mad at him for making me feel this weak and I'm more mad at myself for letting him." I honestly say. "I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back, I can see that the more I stayed, the more pieces of myself I was losing. Until it was too late. Now I feel like everything was taken away from me. All that I built myself to be, came crumbling down after him." I let out a breath of relief. I've been keeping all this inside for so long, never having the courage to say anything out loud. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm too emotional right now. Either way, even if he doesn't really care about anything I said, even if doesn't even like me, the feeling of this huge weight finally lifting off of my shoulder is incredible. He takes a seat beside me. His shoulder brushes mine. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes. He doesn't look at me but I keep studying him. His jawline is sharper than a knife and his nose is perfectly straight. His eyelashes are probably longer than mine and the curve of his lips looks almost fake. His side profile is close to perfection.

"The urge to go find him and just beat the shit out of him is so strong right now." He exhales.

"Why? You have already expressed how much you don't like me and how I piss you off, many times." I giggle at his statement.

"Yeah but people like him piss me off more. " He says. I don't replay, instead, I rest my head on my knees and stare at him. His eyes are still looking forward. " And it's not that I don't like you."

"How did you know?"

"You told me about it the first time I saw you and I've seen it happening too many times." He says. I don't speak. I can't think of anything to say and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries by asking questions. "My father was abusive too," He breaks the silence. "He was an alcoholic. A piece of shit. It was only my mother at first but as the years went by he became violent towards me and my sister. I would fight him off as much as I could, but it would never end well. I remember begging my mother to leave him. 'I love him,' she would say. 'He said he won't do it again' "

He smiles at himself. "I was 17 and my sister 18 at the time. My dad came home drunk as usual. Me and Mia were in our room when we heard the sound of glass shattering. I rushed down the stairs and found a guy that I'd never seen before on top of my mother. He had his hands around her neck, choking her. Another guy was standing next to them, with a lamp in his hand and my dad laying on the floor." He clears his throat. "Um, long story short, he owed them a lot of money, and when he couldn't pay they came to find him. I did everything I could to protect my mother and sister but I was just a kid, I couldn't do much but I gave my sister enough time to call the police. My dad along with them ended up in jail." He finally turns to look at me. The emotion in his eyes is noticeable, for once. "It was supposed to end there." He continues. "We were finally free." A pause. "Until my sister started dating this guy."

I can feel my heart tighten, knowing where this is going.

"He was okay. Everything seemed okay, she looked happy so I didn't give it too much thought. They were dating for almost 2 years when they moved together. That's when shit started happening. We were dancing together ever since we were little so both of us decided to study dance naturally. We were practicing together every day so it wasn't easy for her to hide her body. Random bruises on her arms and legs started appearing, her mood started to change, she started skipping classes, and not going out with her friends." He shakes his head almost as if he's trying to shake the images out of his head. "She was this bright person, such a joy to be around. Always smiling." He smiled in such a sad way that my chest tightened. "When she came to practice one day with a bruise on her face, I put two and two together and completely lost it. I beat the shit out of him." He laughs a bitter laugh."She, of course, protected him. She pulled me away, and I yelled at her. I couldn't understand but I saw it in her eyes. She looked at me the way my mother looked at me whenever I would tell her to leave my dad." A pause "She was supposed to be better," His voice tightened, his tone a little louder. "I didn't understand. I still don't," He breathes. "I didn't speak to her for days, until one day she knocked at my door, late at night, crying hysterically." He takes a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. "Turns out she was pregnant with that bastard's baby." He says and I suck a breath. He stays quiet, the silence makes what he said sink in more and more and I feel my heart break at his story.

"I was going to kill him." He looked at me. His face holds no expression but his eyes are swimming with emotions of all kinds. "For real, I was going to end him but she told me she left. She choose the baby over him and she left." I stare at him. That's all I can do honestly. What can I possibly say to him right now? His pain is all too familiar to mine. And I know that there's not much I can say.

"I understand," My voice comes out a bit louder than a whisper. " I understand.  I was supposed to be better too." I offer him a small smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but Jeongin bursts through the door before he has the chance to.

"Oh my god, there you are" He releases a breath, his hand over his heart. "You've been gone for over half an hour." I rise to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I apologise "I wasn't feeling that well. I think I drank too much." I quickly mask my face with a smile.

"You think?" He smirks and I push lightly at him.

"Smoke break?" He looks at Minho and I turn to look back at him as well. Any emotion that was there, has left Minho's face. His expression is entirely natural. Like our talk never happened.

"Yeah." He takes a lighter out of his pocket and lights again the cigarette that I forgot he was holding.

"You should come down, the party is crazy. " Jeongin says, excited and clearly drunk as well.

The corners of Minho's mouth lift a bit ."I'll be there in a few minutes." He reassures him and lets his eyes trail to me for a few seconds before focusing on his cigarette. Jeongin nods, grabs my hand, and leads me down the stairs and back into the room.

"Oh, by the way, Hyunjin has been throwing up nonstop and Felix is panicking."

"What?" I yell.

"Yep." Jeongin's mouth turns into a thin line. He leads me towards the bathroom, where I see Hyunjin with his head on the toilet and Felix leaning against the door frame, his fingers resting at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"I left you for less than an hour." I run to Hyunjin's side. I sit down beside him, brushing some hair out of his face. His eyes are closed, head resting on top of his hand.

"Babysitting Hyunjin feels like my full-time job at this point." Felix jokes, frustration written in his voice.

"You can go back down, I'll take it from here."

He hesitates. "You sure?"

"Yes Felix, go have fun. I'll find him a place to sleep and I'll be down in a few." I reassure him.

"Alright, if anything happens come and get me." He says and basically runs down the stairs.

"Hyunjin? Are you awake?" I say lightly. No respond.

"We can put him in my bedroom if you want. " Jeongin scratches the back of his neck.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure" He shrugs and helps me lift Hyunjin. We walk just a few steps down the hall, into a bedroom, and gently drop Hyunjin on the bed. I scan the room, searching for a trashcan. I spot one under the desk, I place it beside the bed just in case he throws up again and turn him to his side before lowering the lights a bit.

"I'll come and check on him in a few. " I say as we make our way out of the room and down the stairs. The party is still going strong. I force myself to forget about Minho and what we talked about, by throwing myself back on the dance floor. The music gets louder and we get drunker. I lost count of the number of shots I've done, All I know is that I'm having a fucking great time. My body is on fire and my mind is numb. Unable to think, or panic. I move freely, I'm not thinking, I let the music guide my body and I let the alcohol take over my head. I spot chan coming out of the kitchen.

"Channie" I run to him, stumbling over my own feet. Thankfully, he catches me in his arms.

"Wow, you're really drunk." He laughs, helping me find my balance. I wrap my hands around his neck, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you so much" I slur.

"Okay, I know where this is going, and I don't want you to cry in front of everyone. How about we get you home?" His hand rests on my waist, as he leads me to the living room. Seungmin is sitting on the couch with Emma straddling his lap. They're making out as if their life depends on it. On the other couch, I spot Jisung and Minho talking.

"Em" Chan yells over the music, trying to get her attention. Her head snaps in our direction, breaking the kiss.

"She's drunk isn't she?" She sighs, a smile playing on her lips. I try to move away from Chan's grip but he won't let me

"I'm not drunk," I point my finger at her, trying to focus my eyes "I'm wasted." I smile.

Everyone laughs. Well, everyone except Minho.

"Okay, maybe we should get going." She climbs off of Seungmin's lap. "Where's Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, about that.." Chan trails off.

"He's blacked out drunk in Jeongin's room" Felix and Jeongin appear beside me, red cups in their hands.

"Jeongin," I squeal, as I break free from Chan's grip and run towards jeongin. "Let's dance." I attempt to grab his hand and drag him to the dance floor, but he sneaks a hand around my waist pulling me back, my back slamming into his front. I giggle.

"Nope," He laughs. "You've done enough dancing" I cross my hands and pout like a child. Felix laughs at my reaction.

" I haven't seen y/n drunk in so long, I've forgotten how funny she gets" he pats my head.

"I've not drunk Felix" I sigh dramatically, still in Jeongin's grip.

"I'm wasted," Chan and Emma say at the same time and everyone bursts into laughter. Everyone except Minho, again. I turn to look at him, and he's already looking at me. He's sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open, a red cup in his hand, and his head resting on the back of the couch. His free hand plays with his bottom lip and his eyes are focused on my figure, not moving. Not gonna lie, he looks hot. Minho is undeniably handsome. Something about his whole presence is attractive....until he opens his mouth. He can be a total ass. But right now he's not talking, he's simply staring at me, and he looks hot doing it.

"Wait, so if Hyunjin can't drive us back, how are we going to get home?" Emma's question breaks me from my thoughts.

"I can't drive, I've been drinking a lot" Felix giggles. His blonde hair is a mess and his cheeks look like they're on fire.

"I can drive." My hand goes up.

"No" jeongin brings my hand back down. I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see Minho lean forward. He places his elbows on his knees, the red cup now hanging from his hand between his legs. His eyes burn the side of my head.

"I can drive you," Jisung offers. "I've only been drinking water, all night"

"Yayyyy" I throw my hands in the air. Jisung flashes me a smile.

"Okay," Emma says and turns to Chan. "Please help me drag Hyunjin's drunk ass to the car." She stands from the couch and turns to Felix. "I'll grab all of our stuff, just take Y/n and Jisung to the car." She points a finger at him, her voice slow and loud as if she's explaining something to a child. Felix nods and takes me by the arm.

"I like them bossy." Seungmin wipes his lips with the back of his hand as his eyes follow Emma's back.

Jisung gets up from his spot beside Minho.

"Do you want me to come?" Minho looks up at him.

"No, I'll manage" He pats his back and Minho just nods.

"Okay then," He rubs his hands together. "Let's go kid." He says to me, placing a hand on my lower back, guiding me through the sweaty bodies, while Felix leads the way. Emma and Chan arrive at the car a few minutes after us, holding a very grumpy, half-asleep Hyunjin. Emma unlocks the car and gets into the passenger's seat while me, Hyunjin, and Felix get in the back. Hyunjin immediately lays his head on my lap, closing his eyes once again. Chan appears at my window.

"Text me when you guys get home, okay?" He says to Emma.

"Sure thing dad." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight Channie" I wave at him as Jisung starts the car.

"Bye." He waves back. I rest my head on the back of the seat, letting the cool air hit my face as my fingers run through Hyunjin's long blonde hair. Silence fills the car and my eyes begin to close until finally, sleep takes over me.

[writing-for-life]

Thanks for the tag, @marlowe-zara This is actually a nice one, and I’ve got time (I always take the day after the Oscars off, I’m really that sad)…

*****************************************

Are you named after anyone? No, not that I know of. I use the name I nearly got as my writing pseud/pen-name though.

When was the last time you cried? Not a crier about a lot of stuff because my go-to-mechanism is to get on with it, for better or worse (so not saying that’s always a good thing). If I cry, it’s mostly when I’m proud of my kid, so rather happy tears than angry/sad ones. I know when I need to cry because of latter reasons though and can easily get the floodgates to open with art/music/films/books when I feel it’s safe for me to do so. That sounds… well-adjusted? Not 🤣

Do you have kids? One, primary age.

What sports do you play/have you played? Dance (professional performer). Knees, hips and back are fairly wrecked, so gentler stuff these days (mostly the right gym-stuff, Yoga and walking/running if my joints oblige). But do they count as “playing” sports?

Do you use sarcasm? Yes. Not always proud of it, so I try to limit it.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voice (occupational hazard, but also a kink 🤣). And the way they communicate in general, whether written or orally. That can mean many things—I like the occasional, well-placed swear-word, as an example. But most of all, I notice if people understand that words hold meaning, and if they use them well (again, in all sorts of ways).

What's your eye color? Some say blue, some say green. Very dark, whatever it may be (I have my own opinion, and I shall call it dark teal).

Scary movies or happy endings? Neither really. Not into scary movies, not the biggest fan of sappiness either. But it all depends. A good movie is a good movie and all that.

Any talents? I speak four languages fluently—is that a talent? All joking aside, I believe it’s all a mix between some natural aptitude, interest, support and commitment anyway, so the idea of “talent” is always one that makes me scratch my head a bit. I’ve had people comment favourably on my singing, acting, writing and drawing. Plus that I’ve got good problem-solving skills?

Where were you born? Western Central Europe 😜

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing. And reading. And writing. I also like reading, and did I mention writing?…

Do you have any pets? Yes, a black cat called Morpheus. His name used to be something else entirely when he was a kitten, but especially my kid and I think his attitude is very Murphy. We’re really that pathetic, and so is he. He also has a little scar under his eye now, courtesy of a love interest that didn’t reciprocate his feelings (I wrote about it on here), so it is very… apt?

How tall are you? 1.80m/5’11 My back and joints thank me every day.

Favorite subject in school? Languages, hands down. Everything that relates to writing, reading, literature, drama. And music. I’d love to say art, but I’ve only ever had arsehole art teachers who ruined it for me. So that’s to say: It’s not just the subject. It’s also the people who see you, support you, want you to succeed.

I teach performance-psychology at University, so I like that, too 🙂

Dream job? Oh, that’s tricky. Usually the one I’m doing, but that doesn’t mean it’ll forever stay that way. I’m lucky enough to have basically three degrees (the first one a science/music double major, the second in psychology), and I loved working in all three fields—until I didn’t. And if I didn’t, I stopped. It was hard every time, both financially and emotionally, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my gut usually lets me know when it’s time to move on, and that it’s advisable to listen. At the moment, I split up my time between writing professionally, seeing therapy clients roughly 2 days a week and having a teaching gig. My brain likes the variety and needs it, and for the time being, that’s my happy place.

I see the usual suspects have already been tagged, so I’m going to mix it up (no pressure though if this stuff isn’t your thing) and send this into the direction of @morpheusbaby3 @duckland @dxliriumoftheendless @stellerssong @bobbole

[vanillaxoshi]

Wanted to write some scenarios of cahaya's symptoms in you injuries matter AU

Falling:

Cahaya was walking through the hallway of tapops, pad in hand watching his brothers on a mission.

It was a few months after he was FINALLY let out of that stupid medbay, he lost some muscle and needed to gain it back through physical therapy but he pushed through

It helped that his brothers and friends were there along the journey, tho sometimes he does have a struggle with his balance and motor skills. Like right now for example. His legs gave out suddenly and he fell, thankfully he had a feeling that today would be one of his "off days" and activated his teleportation ability to take him to a chair.

Sadly using his powers activated a signal in his AND his brothers watch if the light of his element glowing in the watch was any indication. He sees his brothers stopped in their tracks to look at their watch through the pad.

3.. 2..

"Haya? You ok dik?" Tanah's voice rings through his watch. It seems he was faster than Petir this time.

Nevertheless he had to reassure his brother that he was in fact fine and that only his legs are not cooperating with him right now, not that he will tell tanah of that fact.

He doesn't need to be set aside more than he already is.

Inability to solve problems, organize tasks, and difficulty controlling emotions:

He hates this. He hates how he for some reason cannot figure out this STUPID formula, its so simple! He used to be able to solve these things in minutes!

Is this how api feels!?!?

He kicked something on the floor to voice out his frustration.

Only doing so made him trip on something else and he fell with a loud 'thud'. Thankfully he was able to hold on to the edge of his desk before he fell so it slowed it down by a bit.

Lying on the floor he can't help but feel the tears welling up in his eyes, he tries to ignore it.

Sadly he cannot ignore his mind.

'What is wrong with you?' A voice in head whispered.

'You're supposed to be a prodigy, yet look at you.' He can hear it judging him

'Crying on the floor with a messy room and absolutely no achievement to suffice for it. How pathetic.' It laughed at him

He hates how sometimes it sounds like one of his brothers. He lets the tears fall down his face. No sound was made

He hates this.

I'll write more if you like!

Tell me which i shoud write next? (I have an idea for the tremors one)

LOVELY SUPER LOVELY

yes go on ahead, write more, i am loving these fanfics and especially this, i shouldnt be surprised by how this has more detail (more in-character basis of my au) from my septuplet au since i told you more about it, but this is lovely

and the struggle is feeeltt

i love the writing showing how much the brain injury affects him and how he struggles with dealing with it mentally