#that would honestly explain why I always feel so mentally tired

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

[makelemonade]

Good afternoon, Lemonade. I read your Tsaritsa fic and would like to make a request for Childe. The Tsaritsa plays intervention after hearing rumors about Childe cheating on Fem!Reader with Lumine.

The Tsaritsa is the archon of love, so when she notices and feels that the love lives of her Harbingers aren’t going too well, she has to interfere- pt2

Childe; hurt/comfort, female reader, harbingers are all friends. I wrote that it was assumed he was cheating but didn’t actually I suck at writing cheating idk @ruttteerr pt1

Childe

You understood that your boyfriend’s job was difficult- 11th may have been the lowest but that didn’t make the work or missions any less than the others have it.

And because compared to the other Harbinhers, he’s one of the only few who actually goes out on missions and leaves for days to weeks to months.

At first it was…annoying- he was always gone for days, and if he was actually here he’d be off working on a bunch of papers or training new fatuus.

But he tries to be with you, both mentally and physically. If he’s away, he’ll write a letter for you everyday, telling you about how it was and he hopes you’ll send one at the end of the week. If he’s working at home, he’ll ask you to sit on his lap as he works or stay in the room with him so when he gets tired and frustrated he can hold.

If he’s working in the castle- he’s bringing you to the castle. You get the picture.

So when he tells you he has a mission in Liyue that’ll take a few weeks, you’re emptying out your mailbox so that all of his letters can fit.

Yet only one comes.

The letter tells you that the first day of his mission has already gone hectic as he had to save a girl from the millileth- he learned her name was lumine and she was the same traveller who saved mondstadt from the dragon.

Now you’re not jealous. Sure at the start of the relationship you easily got jealous of girls that would stare at Childe and flirt with him but after many years of being with him and not once did he cheat, you trusted him.

It was just so insanely weird that suddenly all the letters stopped. None came for 2 weeks and you were feeling nervous- did something happen to him? Was he hurt?!?!

Your thoughts worsened when one day, a subordinate showed up to your home, carriage ourside and explaining a Harbinger has called for you.

Did he die?!?!? You ask him so many questions but he apologizes and says he knows nothing and you’re forced to head to the carriage, on the way to the castle.

Once inside, you found Signora- a friend and a harbinger. She was pacing around, and her eyes lit up when she saw you.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, your breath quickening at her state. “Is Childe okay?”

“Who cares about him!” She scoffed, walking up to you. “Has he sent you anything lately? I just got back from Liyue.”

“No- and shouldn’t he be here with you?!”

“He asked for a few extra days to stay there.” She dragged a hand down her face, seemingly very annoyed.

You were about to ask why- what’s so important that he’s taking extra time on this mission but Signora was already back?! Until it clicked in your head, and slowly as the puzzle pieces went together, the pieces of your heart started to break.

“He met lumine…” you breathed out, remembering his final letter before they stopped.

She frowned. “Everyday I was there they were always together. And now he’s taking a few days extra?! Y/N, they are hanging out one hundred percent. Honestly, I think he might’ve…”

You put a hand up to stop her, feeling tears well in your eyes. No- this couldn’t be! He would never!

“What’s she like?” You asked, somewhat trying to make this whole situation worse for yourself.

“She fights a lot- as much as Childe, honestly.”

A girl who loves to fight, just like he does.

“Looks?”

“Ugly.”

Gorgeous actually, she just didn’t wanna say it.

“This can’t be happening,” You sniffed, trying not to let any tears fall.

Down the hall, just around the corridor was Pierro, listening in on everything and deciding he must tell the queen of love herself.

~~

“WHAT?!?!?” She screamed, echoing around the throne room and sending shivers down everyone’s spine. Her face was full of fury, and Pierro was honestly a bit scared. “CHILDE? CHEATING? ON Y/N?”

She practically growled, pacing back and forth around the room. “This is…atrocious! Nauseating! Abhorrent! And it’s the same traveller that tried to stop Signora, am I not correct?! Does he have no shame?!”

Pierro just blinked, not knowing what to say but he honestly couldn’t even get a word in with how much she was ranting.

“I want a room put for her this instant! She will stay in the castle as a loved guest until Childe comes. Speaking of! WHO IS HE WITH?!”

Pierro took a step back. “Zhongli- Morax’s human form.”

“I’m gonna visit that dragon in my dreams and he better relay every single goddamn word I say to Childe and Childe BETTER be here in 3 days!”

“Can i take my leave now?” He honestly didn’t care.

“Wait! Tell the others that the moment chikde steps FOOT in this castle he is to report straight to the hall and all of you will give him an intervention! No- actually! Tell him to come here and I WILL.”

“Ok.” He shrugged and she sighed, taking a seat back onto her throne and waving her hand away, letting Pierro take his leave.

~~

Childe was absolutely scared shitless when he arrived back in Snezhnaya because what the hell did Zhongli mean when he said he went to sleep and the Tsaritsa visited him in his slumber screaming at him to tell Childe to come back to Snezhnaya immediately?!?!???

The moment the palace doors closed behind him, the walls started to shake and ice fell from the ceilings.

“AJAX!”

The Tsaritsa’s scream echoed around every ahll of the castle and dread filled him in an instant. He looked to the side of the hall to see Dottore, who looked absolutely scared shitless and Capitano who went rigid.

“You’re in some deep shit comrade.” Dottore snorted and Childe genuinely had no idea what he was talking about

And he still had no idea as he stood in the throne room, watching the Tsaritsa yap and yell at him but he couldn’t even understand a word he was saying.

Because all she would say was “cheater” over and over again and say she was so humiliated and disappointed and he had no idea what to say.

“Do you have anything to say?!”

“Yeah- what thé hell are you talking about?!”

“You cheated on Y/N!”

He stared at her, absolutely dumbfounded for a few seconds before he broke out into a fit of laughter. “What?! Oh my, your majesty I never took you as one to be such a jokester!”

Now she was confused. “Huh? I’m not! You cheated on Y/N with Lumine! Of all people you could’ve done it with- HER? OUR ENEMY?”

He realized she was serious and now he was once again, insanely confused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You cheated on Y/N with lumine!”

His jaw dropped. What? No, he would never ever EVER cheat on his pookie bear and he MEANT that because you’re the love of his life! “I would never cheat on her!”

She was about to yell at him, but then she felt it- she felt the amount of love he had for her now that he was back, and it was too strong- too strong to remain after cheating on someone.

She basked in the feeling for a while, and felt herself calm down. “You…didn’t?”

He just shook his head, scoffing. “Where did this even come from?!?”

She didn’t answer, instead laughing and yelling “YES!” Out of joy and she ran up to hug him and he was just so confused still.

“Oh, forget everything I just said about you, Tartaglia! It was a rumour, and we all believed it!”

“All- SO Y/N THINKS SO TOO?!”

Her heart drops when she realizes.

~~

You were hesitant to let Childe into the room the Harbingers so graciously offered you, but he just sounded so desperate that you couldn’t help yourself.

His heart broke at the sight of you- eyes red, nose runny and your shirt drenched in your own tears. He took your hands, realizing just how cold they were and sat down beside you on the bed.

He put one hand on your cheek to wipe away a falling tear and you tried to ignore how cold his hand was.

“I…I’m sorry. I made a promise to you years ago- a promise that I would never leave your side, and I still intend on keeping that promise, but I should’ve tried harder on my mission. I wanted to write to you everyday, but it got so hectic…Morax decided to pull a “fake-my-death” last minute and since, the whole plan was in shambles and the traveller was trying to help…in the end I ended up beating her ass, which I hope makes you feel better-“

It did.

“And so much more happened; I got betrayed by a friend and I never thought I’d be hurt by this but god even Signora betrayed me! They lied to me throughout the mission and the reason I took extra days was because Morax- Zhongli, now, wanted to explain to me just why the plan was changed and I was just gonna spend those few days with him. I should’ve wrote to you- any spare few minutes I had I should’ve spent at least writing out a few words to you, but I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”

More tears flew out of your eyes, and even he was crying too. You wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your head into the crook between his neck and shoulder.

“You’re not obligated to have to always write to me.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer. “I know. But I want to.”

He’ll take you both to your shared home but now, he just wanted to keep you in his arms to make up for the last 3 weeks.

[mlmxreader]

I'm not gonna be in the Call Of Duty fandom anymore, well, the MW fandom. at least not fully, and I will explain, but first and foremost I want to clarify: I'm NOT leaving tumblr entirely & I'm NOT gonna back down either from my previous statements. So, allow me to begin as to why I'm making this decision.

The rape, incest, pedo and animal abuse pornography

Quite frankly, as someone who has been through rape and child sexual abuse, I find it ABHORRENT that anyone would ever look at such abuses and decide to fetishise, romanticise and glorify these things. I do not care nor want to know your "justifications" because frankly there aren't any. As a survivor, I am aware that the fandom is malicious and nasty towards people like me; I am aware that you people willingly and HAPPILY engage with such harmful, disgusting material. Quite honestly, I could not name a space more dedicated to the harassment, malicious treatment and utterly disgusting behaviour towards these topics and the people who openly disagree with them.

The racism

Before you tell me "Call Of Duty fans have always been racist", I am aware of that. But I'm talking specifically about the niche fandom (because it is niche). The fandom treats Black and Brown characters utterly abhorrently; from turning Gaz into a stereotype through to fetishising Farah and everything in between, the fandom's racism is progressively getting WORSE - and then x reader writers (who are predominantly white) only add to that by purposefully and willfully excluding Black and Brown people from fandom altogether. The racism within this space makes it clear that anybody who is NOT white is NOT welcome, and frankly, I do not wish to be associated with such disgusting people. To treat Black people as tokens, to purposefully KICK people of colour out of fandom - it's disgraceful and I hope that everybody is ashamed of themselves.

The ableism and saneism

The Call Of Duty fandom is NOT a safe place for anyone who has a psychotic, schizospec, dissociative or personality disorder. Plain and simple. From the colloquial usage of mental health terms such as "delusional", through to the "jokes" which are made to trigger people with such disorders (e.g. "in your walls"), and to the casual usage of anti-psychotic slurs like "psycho" and "schizo", it's obvious to anyone with just one quick look that this fandom sees people with such disorders as either their punching bags, their "memes" or worse: not human at all. And this also translates to fanworks, as quite honestly, I'm tired of seeing the same treatment directed towards characters like Nikto, because it shows that you people do not care about us at all. We aren't human to you, and we never will be. We are not even worth CONSIDERING when it comes to offensive language - it's degrading, it's dehumanising and it's exhausting to have to constantly walk away from fanworks that are so obviously made with malicious intent.

The homophobia

I am a bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual/queer/whatever you wanna call it man, and the amount of homophobia in the Call Of Duty fandom is disgusting. No, bisexual men AREN'T your "uwu bby boy so soft such a bottom bitch!!". You perpetuating homophobic stereotypes for the sake of a ship is utterly and completely and truly vile. How dare you claim to support LGBTQIA+/queer people when you KNOWINGLY perpetuate these stereotypes? When you KNOWINGLY engage in homophobic behaviour. You are scum.

The antisemitism and islamophobia

This is a touchy subject for non-religious folk, but I really wish you lot would all leave religious people alone. It takes you two seconds to look up what Muslims and Jews believe in and act accordingly. It takes you two seconds to NOT open your mouth when Muslims and Jews talk about their headcanons of characters being religious - because what gives you the right? Why do you feel so comfortable to shut down religious people's headcanons of characters? "Oh, he can't be Jewish because he's English", English Jews exist. "Oh, he can't be Muslim because he's Scottish", Scottish Muslims exist. These people exist in real life, and you saying that a character CANNOT be a Muslim or a Jew because of where they come from is little more than antisemitism and Islamophobia. Do better.

The apathy

When I say "the apathy", I mean exactly that. It is exhausting having to call out these horrid things time and time again and then see people WILLINGLY ignoring blatant bigotry by brushing it off and saying "I don't want to get involved in drama", as if somebody being a bigot is akin to a quarrel between two friends, or a disagreement between two people. If you aren't willing to address genuine harm ONLINE, then I'm sorry, but I doubt you would do anything OFFLINE either. If you're boiling things that actually harm people down to "drama", then I'm sorry, but you can't expect to be considered a safe person for people to be open with and to be honest with when it comes to their mental health or to their triggers. It's that simple. Your apathy towards your fellow man is blatant, and I cannot in good conscience continue to rub shoulders with such people.

Going forward

I'm not going to be engaging with MOST of the content within the Call Of Duty fandom - whether that's edits, fanfic, fanart, etc. I'm not. I've got a few mutuals who I've decided I WILL continue reading from or looking at their art or whatever, but for the most part, I'm not going to be active within the Call Of Duty fandom. I will continue writing for SOME of the characters, but my list of who I write for will be drastically reduced to just a few select characters. If somebody asks me "hey, is X thing saneist?" then of course I'll answer. If somebody points out to me that I took a request from someone who follows a rape pornographer, then I will delete that request and that fanfic entirely. I will still be happy to talk about the characters & games, but it will only be WHEN ASKED, and I will continue to use my DNI (although I'm going to change it a little so that the rape porn viewers/readers know I don't want them near me).

Of course, if anyone requires further clarification on anything I said, I'll be happy to answer and explain as best as I can! And if anyone feels emboldened by this post to come forward and share their own experiences with such things, then I will happily read through that, too! This post is 100% okay to reblog, and if anyone wishes to reblog it and go "This is also why I left the fandom", then I will happily hear you out. What I will NOT hear out, however, is any justification or defence of any of the harmful behaviours I have mentioned - I do not wish to hear it. Pack it in, and take it to 4Chan where you belong.

[dairy-farmer]

Sneaking back iiiin~☆ After a period of being away o/

D-Lister Otome Powers POG? I think SO! CONSIDER:

Tim, out on patrol, things have been... tense. He's gotten Bruce back from the timeline, but it hasn't FIXED anything. Things were said. He spiraled. Trust was betrayed. He doesn't... he doesn't feel like he HAS a home anymore.

Dick feels betrayed and worried TOO. He needed Tim's support. Instead he broke down, went rouge, and nearly DIED. Didn't explain ANYTHING. Now he's drifting away from the family.

Bruce is barely recovered. His family is in pieces around him and he's pretty sure it's his fault.

So... Patrol is... Professional. Tense. Like it has been for days.

Red Robin is checking out some minor disturbance. Discovers clues that it's some INCREDIBLY naive or foolish out-of-towner who thinks they can "make a name for themselves" in America's crime capital. Idiot is going to get himself killed.

But why target a minor gaming company?

No matter, RR can handle it. He's tired, patrols nearly over. Should be quick.

The days after weeks of hurt and hypertense emotions have left him exhausted. Making mistakes he would normally NEVER make. Like going after an unknown alone. No matter how small they SEEM.

You could always be wrong.

And that KILLS.

Batman trained him better then that. Bruce, catches his plan, too late. Is blocks away. Can hear, through Tim's comms, the most terrifying sort of confidence in that opponents voice. Not fool hardy overconfidence. Not arrogance. But "I have a nasty trick that I KNOW you can't counter". Tim. Tim, get out of there! TIM!

Red Robin does not respond.

And Tim? Wakes up with a splitting headache. Too... honestly? What looks A LOT frilly, hyper feminine version of one of Drake Manor's guest rooms. But with "personal touches" added to make it LOOK like someone supposedly lives here. Too generic though. And too artfully placed. It looks like a movie set.

Where the fuck is h-*DING!*

Then a blue screen like some of the holographic screens he's seen before, pops up. "Welcome to ☆~Knights In Gotham~☆! Complete the game or be trapped forever~♡!" It reads in cutesy font.

Well that ONE way to get him out of bed. But unfortunately, it takes less then 15 minutes to confirm that he is, indeed, not in his native reality. MIGHT be drugged or hypnotized. He'll have to test. But the whole new reproductive set, suggest otherwise.

So he pokes around. Speed runs his emotional "I'm trapped, might never see my family again. No. No! I WILL escape!" Character arc/mental breakdown in the shower. Finds some pants.

Figures out what sort of game this is. It's an Otome game. Dating. Based on? His FAMILY. Fffffuck his life.

Okay, should be TOO bad right? People never get their personalities right in fan stuff. Thanks to the Bats being Cryptids. So Tim can just pretend they're other people, right?

Wrong.

The game world he quickly realizes, is using HIS knowledge to fill in the blanks of the massively unfinished framework. This assholes Meta powers? Can only trap him IN here. He's not in control of it. NO ONE IS. Oh, that's so much worse.

Outside? Bruce has BatDad'd panic beat downed the Otome Meta. Where is his BABY BOY!? He can't answer you unconscious, Bruce. Thankfully, Dick is observant. There us a computer on. With Tim on it. He puts two and two together. They are able to keep the power on and transfer the computer to the cave.

Meanwhile? Tim is staring down a Bruce in FULL Brucie Mask. Debating with himself. Because on ONE hand? Childhood wet dreams: Get? But on the OTHER, baggage for daaaaays. And there us no guarantee this isn't a PG title. So like? Bruce would DEFINITELY be the hardest Route, wouldn't he?

He has no idea what he's doing.

He doesn't PLAY these type of games.

He figures, since demon child DOESNT have a reason to hate him here? Probably the safest bet. Especially since he won't feel as bad manipulating a version of him. It should be fine right?

Wrong. He doesn't play these sort of games. Is unaware of how they work and what's at stake. He bungles it. Doesn't play to the troupes, gets his first Bad End. He knew just a touch TOO much, too soon, too openly. Damian's character became convinced he was either a Rouge or an Assassin. But! He got all those "heart event" thingies! Tim mentally protests!

Which is why it doesn't just cut to black, a sudden attack from behind, "Game Over".

No, Tim wakes up behind bars. In a bunker. Nicer then a prison cell, but only just. Because Damian LOVES him. But can not allow him to continue his criminal ways. So he's going to rehabilitate him. By force if necessary. And he knows, because he is not a fool, that Tim does not truely love him. But?

He can fix that too.

They have time.

Outside? Actual Damian is horrified. His feelings towards Drake are... complexe. But this?! Absolutely not! He lunges forward. Dick is trying desperately to hit the Restart. It's not working. Damian hits it HARDER. It works immediately. (They later realize only the "Route" target can restart the game)

Tim wakes up in the starting room.

This time he fuckin LOOKS UP Otome Games on a computer.

Takes a bracing shot of whiskey, because this IS Drake Manor and he knows where his parents hid the good stuff, and tries again. Gets the Neutral End. Fuck! Okay, tries AGAIN. Gets shot, Game Over. Oh god damn it!

He keeps going.

Nothing seems to be WORKING. He's getting stressed. Lonely, desperate, hopelessness trying to set in. He just... just wants to feel WARM you know? Reassured. Held. Knows he's not thinking clearly, but...

So he goes after "Brucie". He KNOWS Bruce. Knows how he picks his one night stands. Knows how to dress up just enough, just OFF enough, to not be suspicious. It's a bad idea. He knows it as he gets dressed. As he arrives. Flirts. Charms and drinks, but not too much. Let's himself be tucked under Bruce's arm. Led away.

Kon always said he was great with his mouth. From the way "Brucie" tenses, like iron under the sild of his suit, holding himself back from grabbing and being rougher then his reputation would allow? He'd say Bruce agrees. Tim certainly puts his all into it. Let's himself lose himself to the rhythm of movement. The scent of Bruce's cologne. The slide over his tounge.

Stolen moments though, aren't enough to get to everything Bruce wants.

The party ends too soon. And Tim leaves with the other guests.

Only to find himself FIRMLY in Bruce's route. The man showing up everywhere. Stealing kisses. Hands disappearing under clothes. Bruce, as he tends too, obsessed. In love. Overwhelming. Tim finally, FINALLY get a Good End.

He also gets fucked, in his bed, within an inch of incoherence, by Batman.

Yet the Game does not release him. Because it did not say "complete A Route" the realse conditions were Complete the GAME. So now Tim has to "win" the others.

All while they watch.

Because THEY are the only ones who can start a new route. Bruce absolutely could have hit that restart once the Good End popped up. Yet... he let the scene play out. Sat, alone, having sent the others to bed... and watched his son get fucked by a version of himself. Watched his son gasp and whimper, cry out and sob, in pleasure.

They each get to watch. As Tim bonds with "them". Spends time with "them".

Eventually, Tim manages the secret Harem Ending. Stumbles free into the waiting arms of his family. They rejoince. But the question remains~! What will they do know? After so long, thinking darkly that they could "do better"? That TIM deserved better then the touch of imposters? That is the question we ask! As I run out of steam and need to sleep! Thoughts?

-🐼🐼🐼

tim's family watching as he works through all their "routes" 👀👀👀👀

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

To get kinda personal for a sec, I forgot how surreal splitting can get especially for the long ones. The short ones that weren’t caused by something immediately bad/traumatic for us have always been *oh something’s wrong* *blurry blurry blurry* *intensifies by 100* *mental flash of white* *oh hi rockstar #37* and that’s kind of it

But with the long ones, there’s a whole range of things that you either don’t experience or speedrun through when they’re quick so the feeling doesn’t stay with you after the fact. Like, I can just be sitting there and just feel like I have someone else’s facial features. Not like the face attached to my body isn’t mine, but like the nose that is definitely mine and attached to my face is a completely different looking nose, or eyes or whatever.

Or, having fluctuating control of different body parts (which is odd enough with just other frontera because we don’t have full possessive switches all that often). This is still kind of happening. Right now I can move my right hand fine, but it feels kinda syrupy like it’s been asleep and it keeps defaulting to a position like I’m about to play piano. Last night I had almost no control over two fingers, and a little bit ago I just couldn’t do anything while it had what looked like a tic attack (that I know wasn’t one). I wrote half this post so far with just one hand, which is a pain and a half. (I took it off the phone for a second and it started again for a second). The whole process feels like it’s staring with the left now which is fun.

I’ve also spent most of today and the end of last night listening to the same album on loop. It’s something I’ve done completely by myself and it’s an album I would do that with, but it feels way different. I’ve switched to something else by a different artist to maybe help get someone else out so I at least don’t have to do this solo, and I’m actually having jitters (physically shaking) and I can only assume it’s because of that.

Honestly, I don’t even know how long this thing’s been going on. Because a while back, I remember getting a vague feeling of a half-formed someone new here (two someone’s, actually) and getting the kinda spacey feeling, and then they both went away and I haven’t seen them since. But now this is happening and I’m getting flashes of them again, so I get the feeling it turned into a three part split instead of two. Because that would help explain why this is hitting so hard.

The big positive I can find for this at the moment is that it would absolutely explain why I’ve had such a hard time grounding in the innerworld or getting anyone else solidly out front, with or without me. That’s it. That’s the bright side. My thumbs are fighting with me and my head hurts. The headcount getting higher doesn’t bother me, it never really has (perks of not being the original host, I guess), I’m just so tired of the active part of splitting. If someone could just give me a button to make this whole thing go faster, that would be great.

[caseylicious]

Hi hi! I’m here to request a scenario with the rottmnt boys that have an s/o who has trypanophobia and is injured to a degree that requires stitches but they are denying that treatment cause they are scared

mostly looking for it to be something like angst/comfort but other then that you can do whatever! ˊᗜˋ

The Healing Process.

Summary: Reader has trypanophobia (fear of needles), and has an injury which requires stitches. How do the brothers help them overcome this fear?

Characters: Leo, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie.

Reader: GENDER NEUTRAL (since it wasn't specified.)

Relationship: Romantic! (Established Relationship)

Warnings: Involvement of needles, blood, Mikey being sad, Hurt/Comfort-ish.. though it has fluff aspects as well.

Words: 3376

A/N: Thank you for requesting! It did take me a while to think about what to type since I don't have the fear myself. It brings some awareness to the fear though. I also had the feeling to make Mikey's just a tad more angsty than the others. Because honestly my boy needs that special pass too!

THE PLOT IS KINDA WACK... I GOT TIRED....

As always! Please, Enjoy 💐

[ If you have any constructive criticism or corrections for any of my English do let me know! :) ]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

You kept to yourself about your fear of needles from most people. You didn't want to be made fun of. For a simple phobia you had. Your boyfriend knew of this fear, due to opening up to him. You gave it no thought though. There was no real possibility you would end up in a hospital. You never believed that you could ever end up in a situation which required stitches. You were always aware of what you were doing, and most of the possible outcomes if you gotten hurt.

You imagined yourself with a simple bruise, a small cut. Nothing too serious. That was until you suddenly were thrown out of a window by a villain. Glass cutting your arm, you were in immediate pain.

Luckily the enemy was defeated by the Mad Dogs. April ran to you inspecting your wound. As she tried touching your arm; you cried in pain. Telling her to stop, you were scared of what was to come. Your boyfriend coming to your aid, rushed you to the lair for Donnie's treatment.

After a couple weeks of rest, Donnie said you were near-ready to be released. Saying that you now only needed stiches. And with that news, you denied the treatment. No matter how Donnie tried convincing you. You were terrified of the thought... So he called in your boyfriend, who explained the situation.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💙 Leo

At first, He was confused why you refused his brother's treatment.

That was, until Donnie told him that it was you needing stiches.

You brought up the conversation when you and him were talking about relationship boundaries.

He had nothing to say about it, it was your fear! He's scared of things as well.

Like you, he didn't expect you to get any injury which required stiches.

That was until he witnessed you get thrown out of your apartment down to the New York road.

Saved just intime by a portal, he listened to yours sobs of fear of near-death.

After some weeks of rest, and bandages... You were getting better. Mentally and physically...

Before he heard your scream of terror as Donnie held a needle and thread in his gloved hand.

You needed a distraction, and he knew just how to do it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Your body trembled as your eyes viewed Donnie's left hand. He was holding the very thing you feared, a needle. Usually for most people, they can go through situations such as this. And you were ashamed of being afraid of such small things.

Leo quickly rushed to Donnie's room, seeing your frightened face. "D- Donnie what happened?" He sat next to you, grabbing hold of your free hand gently. Donnie groaned, leaning back in his own chair. Leo could feel your hand shake. He rubbed small circles, hoping it'd calm you down. And it did, until Donnie revealed what he had to do. "Y/N is refusing the last part of their treatment."

Leo having a confused look on his face, he comes to realize; that the last part of your treatment were stiches. "Hey Don— isn't there like some... I dunno. Smart way of not doing stiches?" Donnie gave it some thought and consideration, before sighing in defeat. "Unless they want a permanent scar on their arm, they have to get the stiches."

You certainly didn't want any scars. Especially on your exposed skin. But you hated needles... Maybe this once. You can handle the treatment. In a shaky voice you spoke, "I'll take the.. s- stiches." Donnie nodded to your choice, rolling his chair closer to you. Preparing his needle; you looked away into your boyfriend's plastron. He frowned seeing you act like this, until he decided to distract you a little.

"Have I ever told you how D almost destroyed New York because of a video game?" Opening your tightly shut eyes, you looked up at him curiously. "I'm sorry, but did you say video game?" He nodded with his cheeky smile. "Uhh, yeah! What was it again? Pinky game?" Donnie's brows furrowed, embarrassed and annoyed of his brothers' shenanigans. Leo's attempts at cheering you up were amusing. Amusing enough, for you to relax your shoulders. This was the very reason why you loved Leo. He was funny, relatable, sweet, and overall someone you loved being around.

"I think you mean Purple Game... I saw some billboards of it." Leo smirked, massaging your hand. "Well, because of that game he almost destroyed New York with a giant robot..." You chuckled. "Like those Japanese Hero Movies?" He thought for a minute before coming up with an answer. "Yeah Babe. Like a Japanese Hero movie!"

You remembered when you chose to read some comics with Leo. It was the day he vaguely told you; that he loved you. You were sitting in his room which he, quote on quote says: "Is the best room out of all of them!" You believed him at first, before realizing later on Splinter slept above him. The memory made you giggle, covering your mouth slightly. He raised an eyebrow looking deeper into your eyes. "Well, what's got you laughing all of a sudden babe?" You grinned even more, staring into his eyes. "Nothing.. just the thought of you." "Oh? The thought of me you say? What was it about?" You rolled your eyes. About to say what on earth you thought of, before a quick "Finished." was heard. Confused, you turned your head down to your arm. The treatment was done! "I- that didn't even hurt!"

"Obviously. My brothers' nonsense kept your brain busy." He placed away the needle into a tin which he would sanitize at a later date. "Be careful next time, and try staying behind when we go on missions. We don't want that to open up." You nodded your head, placing your focus on your boyfriend. "Thank you..."

He chuckled, planting a kiss on your free hand. "You're welcome."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

❤️ Raph

Raph thought your injury would end up worse, when he saw your body get thrown out of that window.

It was only a slim chance of luck you didn't break any of your bones, thankfully.

But even with such luck, he was frustrated that he didn't prevent it from happening.

He could've grabbed you away from the blow.

He could've switched places with you.

He could've not brought you in the first place...

And now he has to face the consequences. Stiches...

Not for him, but for you. And he felt terrible, knowing your fear of needles.

He gets it! He's afraid of being alone. He would take needles around you seriously.

Honestly, Raph would cry with you. Just to how much he hated seeing you cry.

Mental Raph came up with an idea to cheer you up.

- - - - - - - - - -

"No! D- donnie. I don't want stiches!" He sighed, backing away from you. "Y/N, you understand that you can either wait a month for that to scar your body or take the stiches." Raph walked through the room after he got a text from his younger brother. About you specifically. "Donnie, I'm here what's happening?-" You could hear Donnie sigh with relief. "Thank goodness you're here. Your partner here is rejecting my assistance." Raph placed his focus onto you. Your face showed pure terror, you were trying hard not to cry. It hurt him deeply.

"Hey.. Don can you give us some space?" His brother glancing back to you, nodded. Walking out of his room, closing the door. That's when you absolutely broke down into a sob. Covering your face with your free hand. You were ashamed of how scared you were of something that was going to help you. Raph sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around you. "Hey... no ones' gonna get mad at ya. If you don't want the stiches." Your sobs were muffled in his plastron.

You knew that nobody was going to make fun of you for the fear. Donnie was just worried about your injury, and everyone else was too. "I- i know... it's just..." You wanted to say how you felt. But you just didn't know what to say. Too many emotions were present, and you didn't know how to handle it.

Raph nodded, "You don't have to say anything, y'know? I just want you to feel safe." You listened to your boyfriend, as he comforted you. "Just take deep breaths, in and out... like you taught me. Remember?" Oh, that's right...

A flashback begins to when "Savage Raph" was present. You got a text from Donnie that your boyfriend went missing. In the sewers. Now at first, you tried thinking of ways Raph possibly could've gotten spit up from the others. But as you walked to the sewer manhole, you began to realize how important this situation was. You knew your boyfriend couldn't handle being by himself.

Especially in the sewers out of all places. Donnie said it himself, "The Sewers are a labyrinth to tamper with!" You couldn't imagine yourself stuck in a maze. By yourself out of all things...

When you joined the others on the chase of Raph, you worried that he'd destroy something. Not because of the destruction, but because of the thought of him handling his emotions and fear in an unhealthy way. The moment you found Savage Raph, you spoke to him. Telling him that everything is okay. That he didn't need to be afraid. You told him you'd always be there for him, no matter the situation. In a hug like right now, you told him to breathe in and out. Resulting in Raph to calm down and return back to normal. So, like Raph; you began to control your breathing. Listening to Raph's heartbeat, you felt your heart feel all mushy and gushy. You weren't alone. He was here. You pulled your face away from his chest, feeling brave. "I'm ready for the stiches." He nodded, smiling back at you. "There's the Y/N I know." Raph then called Donnie back inside, telling him you were ready. Surprised, he agreed and continued the treatment. You were surprised to find out that it didn't hurt! After Donnie finished, you covered Raph's face in small kisses. Leaving him a red mess.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

🧡 Mikey

He completely understood your fear of needles. While he may be one of The Mad Dogs, he is scared of things too! Such as ghosts and the dark.

But he promised you he'd keep you completely safe. He was Michelangelo! The fearless orange turtle.

With some hugs and kisses on your cheek, you told him that he was indeed: "The Fearless Orange Turtle."

He believed that you wouldn't get too hurt. As long as he was careful bringing you along in his missions.

His beliefs immediately changed as he felt your hand pull away from his.

He watched as your body fell through the window and his body moved without command.

He jumped out of that building, using his weapon to catch you from certain doom.

Ever since that day, he hasn't ever felt so disappointed in himself.

- - - - - - - - - -

Mikey has had nightmares which scared him. Bad nightmares, realities where he didn't catch you in time. Nightmares where you died. He always woke up, running to Donnie's room. Waking up you and Donnie almost immediately. "Mikey, What happened?" He always stared at your face for a good minute, before calming down. "Babe...?" You were always concerned whenever he barged in. Was it some sort of traumatic response? "..Nothing. Just.. thought I heard something was all..." Mikey always scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. You knew he couldn't stop thinking about that night, and you couldn't blame him. You as well couldn't stop thinking about that incident. The night where you got caught in the crossfire of attacks.

You could've died.

You never knew really, what Mikey was thinking about each time he saw your face. But you just knew it wasn't good for him...

The moment you saw Donnie mark on his calendar that you could be released, made you and Mikey very happy. You could finally get out of bed and he could finally hug you again! That was until Donnie told you all you needed now were stiches. It took you both by surprise, in almost a blink of an eye... fear filled your body.

"W- what do you mean stiches?" Your grip on Mikey's hand tightened. He could feel your hand shake a little. "It's a quick treatment. Do not fret worry Y/N! You're lucky that it is I, who is doing this for you." He waited for you to chuckle, but your focus was on the needle in his hand. Mikey felt bad, kneeling a little to look at you. "..Hey Y/N, it'll be alright! D- donald always takes good care of his patients." His voice broke a little. Which confused you to a degree where your fear almost was replaced with concern. "And he isn't the only doctor here! Doctor Positive is right here with you!" And almost immediately, he kissed your cheek. Which did comfort you.

Mikey pat your head once, moving your hair behind your ear. You took a deep breathe in. "Donnie, I'm ready." The older brother got started on your arm, and you didn't feel a single thing. You and Mikey thanked him and he waved you off. This would be the end of Mikey's part, but you just felt something was off with your boyfriend.

"Hey.. sweetheart?" You called for him and he turned his head around in response. "Oh? Yes Y/N? What is it?-" Suddenly you hugged him. And just like that, Mikey began to tremble. "Are you okay?.." you asked with a low voice. You could feel Mikey try to figure out what to say. But you had a good idea of what was going through his head. "I was scared too.. but I'm here now. I'm okay."

"B- but Y/N... it's my fault you got hurt!" He looked down at you, tears in the corners of his eyes. "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault Mikey... I'm here, I'm alive." Drip. Drip.

You felt your boyfriends' tears fall onto your forehead. You could only imagine the amount of guilt he must've felt. He hugged you back tightly, as you began to cry as well. You both needed each other, and that's why you both belonged to each other...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💜 Donnie

Donnie was a bit confused on why you'd be afraid of needles out of all things. They were just so small, so dainty!

Now don't take this the wrong way, he just doesn't see your fear in a logical sense.

He does acknowledge it though. Making sure whenever you were around no needles could be seen.

He reassured you that there was no possibility of you ever being harmed by a needle.

It was only a few weeks later that he watched as your body was thrown out.

He hasn't had flown on his "jetpack-like" battle shell that fast in a long time...

It must've been a bad fall, because as the enemy threw a stone into the propellers of the battle shell; it malfunctioned.

Causing you both to fall, breaking Donnie's protective shell while protecting you.

He miscalculated the possibilities of you being harmed like this. How could he let a small mistake slide like this?

Now, you were in bed as Donnie checked over you constantly.

He wasn't going to let another mistake happen again.

- - - - - - - - - -

You were suddenly woken up by a cold hand. You shivered, opening your eyes to meet Donnie's. He was hesitant on what to do, but he always somehow looked like he knew what he was doing...

"Have I woken you? I apologize.." You only scanned his face, happy to always see his purple bandana-self. "Well.. yes. You did, but I'm glad to wake up seeing you.." You smiled gently towards him as you began to sit up. He placed his hand on your back, supporting your weight. "Thanks... mm." You slowly moved your bandaged hand onto the railing of the bed. Your boyfriend inspected your arm carefully and with care.

Many things were going through Donnie's head, and you could hear him mumble logic to himself. It was sad, honestly. However you didn't want to see your boyfriend frown. So you tried to make him feel better. "Hmm.. Y'know I love you right?" He lifted his head up immediately looking at you. A blush covered his cheeks, as he looked back down to your arm. "I love you as well..." This cheered you up yourself, however he spoke again. "Your wound looks healed enough, we can take off the bandages." He watched as you smiled excitedly, waiting for him to unwrap the bandages. But he didn't. You sensed that he wasn't telling you something so you asked, "What's wrong, D?" He frowned, pushing his chair back. "Hun?" You frowned, holding his hand with your free one. As he looked back at you, trying to stay as professional as possible. "We'll have to stich your arm.. if you want your arm to completely heal."

Tension filled the room, as you moved your head to the side to have a view on his table. And he was right. There was a needle with string, and some spray which would numb your arm. You gripped onto the railing of your bed a little, scared. "..D- do I have too?" You didn't want to overstimulate his thinking process with your fear, but he shook his head. "You don't have to. We can wait a little longer for the skin to grow back. However it'll create a scar on you." You considered this option for a couple minutes, before realizing how hurt Donnie could feel.

If he had to see how a misstep in his thinking, caused you to get hurt. He wouldn't forgive himself. You didn't want that... and Donnie could see your consideration on both options. He could see that you didn't want to hurt him...

After thinking out a solution he grabs hold of your free hand. "..Hey. I'll show you what'll happen. How about that?" If he were to show you what would happen, revealing to you that it wasn't as bad as you thought. Then maybe you'd feel less scared of saying what you wanted. You nodded your head, curious on what would happen.

He grabbed a plastic arm, supposedly representing human skin. It grossed you out, but you paid more attention to his demonstration.

"So, first I'll use this spray." He picked up the bottle behind him, showing you the front and back. You looked at the label seeing it was legit. "And I'll spray it onto your skin..." You watched as your boyfriend sprayed the plastic arm two times. "This will make your arm feel a little fuzzy, resulting in you not feeling my touch." He grabbed a separate needle. "After I do that, I'll get.. my tool ready." You watched as his dark green hands, handle the plastic arm with the needle in hand. "And begin stitching, you see Y/N. Because of the numbing spray, you won't feel the instrument hit your skin. And you won't even have to see. I can place a blindfold on you, or place a stress ball in your hand."

You nodded your head again to the information. This helped, a lot! Somehow his demonstration relaxed your mind. Knowing what was to come to your procedure. "Yeah, can I have a stress ball?" He smiled, grabbing a purple ball. Placing it on your palm. He threw away the needle he used for the demonstration, getting another one. Donnie looked up at you. "Ready?"

You took a deep breathe, "Ready." And then the demonstration happened on you. The numbing spray felt cold and you shivered a bit to it. But that's pretty much what distracted you from the needle. The stress ball helped control your fear too!

"And... done. How do you feel Y/N?" He glanced to you, wishing to know your feedback.

"Hmm.. Lucky to have the smartest boyfriend in the world." You rubbed your hand to his cheek. As embarrassed he was, he held your hand nuzzling his head into your hand like putty. "I love you..."

You smiled, "I love you too."

[gamerbearmira]

Hello it is I!

POV PEPA

She needs to calm down. Gain some control. But it's a little hard to do that when her mind is racing the way it is. She doesn't understand why this is happening. And why to poor Mirabel? She's such a wonderful girl. She doesn't deserve this, and poor Julieta she must be out of her mind with worry and fear.

She needs to calm down her panicking like this isn't going to help anyone, let alone her sister who needs her right now. She focuses on her breathing.

in-one, two, three.

out-one, two, three.

Clear skies, clear skies,clear skies

She isn't aware of how much time has passed around her but she has a feeling it's only been a few minutes. Felix is right next to her whispering sweet things in her ear, dios Mio he's such a wonderful man, she takes another calming breath in, feeling the weather around her calming down as she does. She then takes a look around the room needing to ground herself in the moment. Her mother is sitting at the head of the table like always but she looks tired, not reacting to her storm like she usually would just sitting there. She sees her brother-in-law entering the dinning room with her sobrina in his arms. Finally she looks over to see Dolores and Camilo sitting in their usual spots both looking at her with wide shock and fearful looks. She wants to comfort them but she honestly has no idea what she could even say in this moment that would comfort them so instead she looks for Antonio.

He isn't here.

The wind that just calmed down picks up again.

"WHERE'S ANTONIO?" She whips around to look at her husband barely recognizes her own panicked screeching which she almost regrets doing seeing her daughter flinch from the corner of her eye.

She watches Felix blink in shock then look around for their youngest son only to have panic fill his eyes when he realizes that he isn't there. "I d-don't know I.... He was here just a minute ago!"

Before she can panic even more Dolores squeaks out "He's with Tia Julieta." The relief that fills Pepa is instant and fills her entire being but just as instantly as the relief came so did the heartbreak. Julieta is in the nursery with a baby Mirabel. He didn't go into the nursery looking for Julieta.

She sighs softly trying to mentally prepare herself for what shes about to do "thank you Dolores." She quickly gets up but stops there just behind Augustine and Isabela and Luisa is Julieta with Antonio and a squirm and whimpering baby cradled in her arms.

Julieta's pov

She didn't mean to start crying but Antonio asking for Mirable shattered the small amount of control she had built up. She doesn't cry long just a moment but she feels guilty for doing so. Antonio stands in front of her looking so scared and lost and her crying just makes him feel worse but she can't help it.

"Tia what's wrong? Why did you cry? I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry!" Antonio looks so heartbreakingly sad and confused which almost makes Julieta cry again but she keeps her composure this time.

"Oh Antonio no. You didn't make me cry sweetheart.... I am just really sad. Casita did something last night and well... Come here and look." She shifts the now quiet bundle in her arms so that Antonio can see the baby Mirable. Antonio quickly moves forward,practically crawling into her lap to get a better look. Mirable smiles slightly as she looks up at Antonio which makes Julieta smile slightly at the adorable sight the two of them make.

"I don't understand.... This is a baby... Why would a baby make you sad? Shouldn't everybody be happy?" Antonio looks up to her waiting for her answer

"yes usually a baby would make everyone happy. But this isn't just any baby... This is.... Mirable." Julieta stumbles through her explanation trying her best to explain something she herself doesn't understand.

"Mira? This is Mira?" He looks back and forth between her and Mirable a strange thoughtful look on his face.

"yes this is Mira. I don't know how and the why is a little... Complicated but this is Mira tonito." Julieta hopes he doesn't have any questions about it she doesn't know how much more she can take.

He nods his head once before saying "Ok. Is Mira coming to breakfast?" Julieta is both relieved that he doesn't have any questions and slightly shocked at his quick acceptance of the situation.

"I.... Yes. I think Mira and I should go to breakfast now, in fact why don't we all walk to the dining room now?" Pepa is more than likely calmed down by now and trying to delay this will probably only make it worse in the long run. Mirable whimpers slightly from her cradled arms.

Antonio hops off her lap with a quick "ok." He holds out one of her hands for her to take and as soon as she takes it he starts leading her to the dining room. As they make their way to the dining room Mirable starts to squirm and whimper.

All eyes are on her as soon as she's in sight in the dining room she shifts slightly uncomfortable but takes a deep breath before saying a simple "Hi." She finds herself surrounded by well meaning family members asking questions and she instantly regrets leaving the nursery.

Pepa realizing Antonio was gone but only after while is so real. And then when she finally calmed down, she started up again 🌚 or at least she will soon👹👹 But these guys had Julieta stressing 💀💀 Mirabel too. Wouldn’t be surprised if the chaos (and the QUESTIONS) left the poor girl overwhelmed. And she’s not even the one answering them 🦈🦈

All of them need to be cut a break 💀💀

Julieta after coming downstairs:

[blossomxlush]

its 3am and I can't sleep SO YA KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

no you don't

general relationship head cannons with izuru kamakura

I'm feeding all the starving izuru simps out there

Okay I just wanna say this out of random (because I'm cold rn)

Cuddles with izuru on cold nights..

💳💥💳💥

this man gives top tier cuddles once he knows how to

if the ultimate cuddler wasn't already a thing he made it one can't change my mind

all in all nights whether there cold or not are lovely

his number 1 priority when it's night is making sure your comfortable making sure you have enough pillows and blankets

his hair is honestly like a blanket itself

Oh and if you can't sleep..

he would definitely leave to grab some things

and he comes back with most likely a book and some tea

tea to help calm you down

and as for the book he would cuddle you and read to you

(I'm melting writing this rn aaaa)

And mornings are also lovelier

he would either stay in bed with you or get up to make breakfast

but I feel like he would most of the time cuddle you until you woke up

and then make breakfast

(I could explain why I'm thinking this but I'm to tired rn)

can we talk about how his cooking would actually be bomb af

(of course it is he is an ultimate cook)

I personally feel like if your a person who always does small hobbies like crochet, or drawing

he might get a lil jealous on how you can do something that takes so much patience without getting bored..

Am I the only one who thinks this 🤡?

I'm not saying he is overprotective but I'm not saying he isn't either

but trust me your safety is also his number one priority

whether it's physical or mental

he would 100% use most of his useful talents to help you

struggling with emotions ultimate therapist comes into play

sick? ultimate doctor is here

In danger? got an ultimate body guard by your side

I also feel like izuru would also always be by your side

even if you can't see him or don't notice him he is there

he's just lookin out for you

wouldn't say he is a yandere

... but he does give of yandere vibes but non toxic

just like maybe.. anything that poses a threat to you or your relationship with him shall be slaughtered

This man is the ultimate boyfriend

maybe even the ultimate husband?

I'm so going to make a NSFW version of this but my brain can't comprehend that rn so I will tmr -

Stay spooky - modhiyoko

[sleep-can-wait]

Okay, so I made a poll on whether Aiden Acharya was a book bf and this is because see him getting a lot of hate. And I have no idea why????? There's even a video (albeit a small mention) calling him annoying???? Also I see him tend to get antagonized in a bunch of fics.

There are only a few reasons I could think of as to why and those do not really make sense in my opinion:

He was distant with Aru of CoG - okay but dude literally has so much trauma when it comes to love. His parents got divorced because of it and his father hurt his mother sm because of it. Now obviously when he used the key in ToW he realised he was in love with her. And no duh he'd want to put some distance between them so that she wouldn't hurt him because of it AND HE WOULDN'T HURT HER

The Kara shenanigans - please Aiden was being polite he literally acted the same as with Mini and Brynne, like Kara was feeling left out, that much was obvious, so Wifey was the better man and helped her feel included. BECAUSE HE IS NICE. The "romance" between them was all Kara's delusions and Aru's unreliable narrating for fucks sake she once thought Brynne and Aiden once had feelings for each other because she always thinks lowly of her.

The time skip - HE WAS JUST TOLD HE WAS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF ARU HE IS LITERALLY ONLY 15/16 A MERE FUCKING CHILD YOU THINK HE'S JUST GONNA LA DEE DA HIS WAY THROUGH LIFE AND PRETEND NOTHING IS WRONG????? THAT IS SO FUCKED UP FOR HIS MENTALITY OF COURSE HE WOULD TRY TO AVOID HIS FATE ISTFG-

The rejection at the start of NoI - honestly pretty sure he just word-vomited like Aru in EoT he didn't get to complete what he was saying so he couldn't explain himself properly and after he kissed Aru, he probably realized his fate was sealed and he was on the verge of dying, yes he'd do everything he could to avoid it even if it means lying and taking back everything because he does not want to die has anyone realized how scary dying is??? Like he's probably terrified because god fucking dammit he's gonna die he does not want his life to end he doesn't want to leave his friends or family. It's a kids book so it's not really shown properly how awful and miserable and so fucking scary it is to be told: "you're gonna die."

The rest of NoI - literally the exact same reasoning any moment in this quest he will stop breathing and no one knows Aiden's POV, so he was probably having so many panic attacks and crying and screaming himself hoarse because he really, really doesn't want to die he doesn't want to abandon his mom, being the person Malini found worth living for. He didn't want to leave Rudy, his blood family that didn't abandon him. He didn't want to say good bye to Brynne, his best friend, nor to the other Potatoes. He didn't want to spend less than 9 days with Aru before seeing her for the last time.

I'm probably gonna get so much hate for this but I'm tired of seeing how badly Aiden is treated and I adore him and honestly he was absolutely in the right to cut off Aru, though I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, but he was allowed to do it.

Because. He. Does. Not. Want. His. Heart. Broken.

He. Did. Not. Want. To. Die.

[wegonbealright-09]

I'm tired.

I'm so tired. I'm actually deactivating my twitter acc because everytime I come back from that app, I'm messed up emotionally and mentally.

The only time I've ever hated twitter this much was in 2018, when BTS was this close to disbandment.

Like I don't understand, I never thought being a fan of jimin would be this hard. It's like Hybe is trying to discourage us, because this is tiring me mentally and emotionally, I'm not in the right space and all this bull shit it just piling up on top of my stresses, like being a fan is not supposed to be this tiring. I'm tired. It's like they want jimin to lose fans because we're fighting a losing battle.

We've been raising the same issues over and over again but they are falling into deaf ears. Recently fans complained well armies complained about something related to seven and BH responded immediately. When we've been begging them to restock like crazy for three months now.

I'm not bitter. But I won't lie and pretend I'm happy for jk and his fabricated success, maybe in the beginning I was because he was one of my favourite members, but now it's too much, we've been begging them to restock like crazy and they've decided to release cds for sevens remix I mean what the fuck?!!!

I'm feeling sorry for y'all armies especially those who think BTS will still be BTS in 2025. They might not disband but trust me it won't be the same. As much as this second chapter has revealed a lot of solo stans, it also made me see the members true colours, who they really are.

This is scooter braun the man whose ass armies are licking. This is him explaining how 2NE1 was CL's biggest obstacle. CL was a member of 2ne1, she was a rapper and scooter brainwashed her into leaving the group. He made her believe that she was bigger than the group, she didn't need the group the group needed her. She was a give a solo contract that promoted her debut successfully but the success didn't even last a year, and he left her like a used condom, when fans questioned he gave useless reasons.

This is the reality we're all facing.

Jk has been feeling really big lately, eversince he debuted. Now alot of people mistake a person having a huge ego for confidence. There's a huge difference between an ego and confidence.

And jk has been talking like someone who's got their ego polished. He's talking about himself being big, giant pop star, the first, the only one and so on.

I mean there's a difference between having goals and being arrogant.

It's like he already sees himself bigger than his group, bigger than his group mates. I've said this before and I'll say it again.

They did not choose jk because he's the youngest, the golden goose, the most talented, the most marketable in the west.

Because jimin is by far the most marketable in the west. This man has Hollywood in wrapped around his little pinky. His Pandora streams are massive, bigger than BTS' own. He's been stable on the charts with no promo so you do your math.

They chose jk because he's the most gullible, the greediest maybe idk, he's always wanted more, he's never satisfied and he's always been competitive, wanting to stand out, wanting to be "the one and only". He was the easiest to manipulate and he fell right at the palm of scooter's hands.

The awards that they are gunning for with all these restocks won't even belong to jk they will decorate scooter's office.

Honestly I'm tired like really tired it's not even funny.

There's no reasonable explanation for this behaviour from jimin's agency's except for the fact he might have not renewed his contract yet and they are showing him he's nothing without them. Or jimin has signed with a different agency for his solo activities because why would they go to such lengths to sabotage one of their own it makes no sense.

And pjms have been losing their minds some think that jimin might not be aware of what's going on but I think he knows. I know he doesn't have twitter and he's been inactive for about a year now?

But jimin has friends who see this and probably tell him, the members like jhope who have his back probably see stuff like this and tell him. Jimin has producers who worked with him on LC and are keeping track of LC so they see what's going on with the sabotage and all and they tell him. So he knows he def knows but Idk what they expect him to do.

I know he's working on something. He is working on something and it might be what we all want and that is him being free form BH and Hybe.

I just need him to release new music as in yesterday. Or give us a clue, a sign because wtf!!!!! 😭😭😭😭

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Just wondering (no hate, I promise) what are your specific issues with MF and MGK’s relationship? Not a fan of hers (last I saw was Jennifer’s Body), and though I like his music I’m not really into keeping up with gossip (bad for my mental health), so I truly mean it, what’s up with them? Also feel free to not answer this is if you’re not doing well/are worried you’ll get hate for it. Hope you’re having a great day :)

Oh I'll probably definitely get hate for it, people who support her tend to act like her which I'm sure in their eyes is a lovely thing. I'd refer you mostly to @triplexdoublex for alllll the bullet points, I truly try to keep my page to supporting the boys- though I can't always keep myself from a few choice words about her. Roxy has always been the best at covering what happens between them, though I think even she is getting a bit worn down by it so I wouldn't suggest asking so much as scrolling through her old posts. But I'll take a small crack at it.

I was supportive in the beginning, he talked like he was so in love and I have plenty of old posts showing them off and telling people to leave them alone, but then the drama started.

She would post something melodramatic and keep it super cryptic and sad and people would automatically spread rumors he was cheating. She let rumors spread that he gave her a ring that physically hurt if she took it off, never explaining he hadn't. The jewelry company had to explain. She posted a pic of her arm in a cast and said something like 'I deserved this' or something along those lines which of course people started saying he had hurt her. Eventually the movie company she had been filming with came out explaining she fell during a stunt. This is a small amount of things she would post that would start rumors he was abusive and she fueled the fire at every turn instead of fixing it. She has only once that I can think of said anything to fix the problem and even then it was after posting a caption alluding to him cheating and people went wild and pulled his female guitarist into the mix. She deleted her Instagram and hid for a long time before saying it was "all the media's fault". She acts like she's never to blame but she loves stirring the pot and watching his reputation burn.

There are a lot of images of the exact opposite happening, her very obviously "getting on to him" in public at award shows or just shunning him when he'd get near, which of course also spread rumors but only about him.

She acts like she fixed him, she flat out said she manifested him into existence as a child. Like he's some bad boy archetype and nothing more. Like he's there to serve her. It's not healthy for either of them, her putting that much pressure on him or her having that high of thought about him. There's so many things that make me twitch when I see that they're still together. His personality changes, the way he seems submissive around her but himself everywhere else. The way his own friends seem to come out in support of him staying free of her. Pretty much all of this is on Roxy's page, she did an amazing job keeping up with it all.

I'm sure I'm about to get hate for this, besides my fics I've tried to be mostly careful about staying out of it but for a few random mentions. I've supported Roxy when people come for her and that's how most of the hate has ended up here but honestly I just feel bad for them. I don't spend my time hating her, I don't sit around and fume about it, I try not to even post about it much. Besides my genuine concern for him I don't actually focus on her much at ALL anymore. Why waste my time on hate? I'm sure I'll get anon rage for this but like... That must be a really hard way to live. I always think that about her too. How exhausting it must be to crave attention and shit stirring like that. How tiring narcissism must be. I don't wish harm on her, I just don't think either of them are healthy together. She needs to find herself again as much as he needs free. She's literally changing herself to fit what she thinks he wants. Just so people pay attention? Shit that must suck. Hopefully this explained a few things but again I suggest a deep dive on Roxy's page for the best info 🖤 Hope you have a great day too!

[theomnicode]

Your posts on Saitama and food made me really sad. But it makes more sense that he is drawn like this now. I thought it was just a shift in style. Because even Genos looked babyish in the first chapters. But buff characters were always buff and were drawn buff. Saitama though... He looked like a baby but really slender. Lean but thin. Imagine what can eating good food do to you in two months. No wonder he started looking so bodacious

Ofc I am not discounting art style change from the picture, which is honestly more likely that Murata-sensei has just gotten better at drawing Saitama and the style in drawing Sai has shifted and that's all there is to. He might've just gotten a new reference body style to draw from. We've seen Saitama drawn really buff and detailed before, when they took the hero test, so it's nothing new. It's more apparent in the anime when he's drawn with even more bulging muscles.

Whether there is anything to this is up for speculation, but I would not discount proper nutrition from the equation. Nutrition is important and will always be important. But it might not be in the exact way we think it is. Something that I also thought about after making that one particular post.

Whether or not this post invalidates my previous post about Saitama not getting his fill when eating because his body physioque demands is up to you. I'm going to go fairly off-tangent (or not) here if you'll allow me haha. This gonna be a long post.

About Saitama and his self-image and how it's possibly portrayed in the manga and anime.

Imo, the real change between this Saitama and the Saitama we saw on the moon of I.O seems to be in how Saitama appears to see HIMSELF, when he actually gets serious. Or, how OTHER people are able to perceive him.

It is a shift in the mindset of his self-image.

Residual self-image is the concept that individuals tend to think of themselves as projecting a certain physical appearance or certain position of social entitlement, or lack thereof. The term was used at least as early as 1968, but was popularized in fiction by the Matrix series, where persons who existed in a digitally created world would subconsciously maintain the physical appearance that they had become accustomed to projecting.

"Show me no mercy."

That is, when he does not hold himself back. He's drawn the same when he's just there, being goofy, not very serious and holding himself back from going all-out. You can almost overlap the images with below manga panel.

There is a subtle difference though. His hero suit is more form-fitting. Because suits in this universe answer to the bearer's feelings. So he seems to be more heroic, instead of comedic.

Art style change or not? You decide.

Yes, he was messing with you Garou. Because you too, were just playing around being a monster.

However when Garou became a true monster, Saitama stopped playing around and holding himself back. And upon doing that, became morally dubious when he tried to punch Garou and destroyed moon and jupiter.

Even Garou wonders what the hell is this monster at the end. Speculation can be made whether Saitama is simply letting his innate monster side show because he legitimately wanted to kill Garou. The egoism and superiority complex would be that monster side, when he assumes that mindset of superiority. Something that he seems to be hiding well. More on this later.

The point I am trying to make here though is that it is quite possibly that the beefiest Saitama's physical appearance is not even a product of his physical conditioning. He appears just the same as ever...except when he is exerting his power. Then he gets the bodacious body.

One could say he's just exerting his muscles and that is also true, but tbh it doesn't seem to be all that. That's just appearances.

And technically, does he even need to exert his physical muscles if he's going to punch with divine power? I mean, it would explain why he doesn't get physically tired. His mental stamina is just sky high.

But not actually endless, because when he was running around all day, visualizing and looking for any bad guys in the anime episode, at the end of the day he had to take an actual breather. Which lines up with what we know about current Saitama and his exponentially growing power.

(a close look at the fist of god in that last panel, his divine power, I love small anime details like this)

I think Genos says it he best.

"You are so...full of shit!" "That's just standard strenght training! And it's not even that intense! Anyone could do it!" "I have to get stronger. I didn't ask to study under you so I could listen to your jokes!"

"Saitama-sensei, your power...is clearly beyond what you can achieve by just training your body!

And he's right, anybody could do it. Saitama's standard strenght training. Other people do far more. Garou has been training for years upon years of intense martial arts like Bang to get that body of his. What Saitama thinks is strenght training is an actual joke, the punchline if you will.

We arrive to the heart of the issue. Saitama's strenght was never anything that could be achieved by training his body.

Ergo, it means that by further strenght training, he could still not achieve a better body via just doing his strenght training, even with better nutrition. He already hit his peak body via that strenght training alone.

Ain't nobody gonna get biceps, pecs and sixpack like that with Saitama's strenght training lmao. Even if he ate well and nutritious food. Who are we even kidding? xd

But he hasn't trained differently either, just added punching monsters to his list and doing his training instantaneously. At least, I don't think he could achieve it like that with normal power.

Instead, I believe it's all just his cognitive power at play. Chances are, by altering his self-image, he has unconsciously also altered his body to match. If it's just appearance or actual physicality, not entirely sure. Which is a positive outcome but...

The depiction of Saitama in Jupiter is basically how Saitama saw himself and how he is able to be perceived. It's the power of his cognitive levels rising exponentially, the whirlpool of heaven stripped bare with the catalyst of emotional surge (as Murata-sensei tweeted) and let loose. (The depiction of Jupiter's red spot swirling around Saitama's head is a really nice artistic touch tbh.)

But it also wasn't a very nice Saitama was it? That superiority complex.

As the fight progresses, so does Saitama become more and more buff, but he's dissociating hard at the same time too and then back to his dopey self and not feeling or caring about a thing.

People with low self-esteem have a tendency to fixate on their body image. And Saitama is self-conscious, we know that from all the times when he gets self-conscious about his bald head. But since Saitama has...interesting powers, he fixates and alters his body quite literally in accordance to his self-image.

Aside from having low self-esteem, sufferers typically fixate on altering their physical appearances. Such behavior creates body dissatisfaction and higher risks of eating disorders, isolation, and mental illnesses in the long term.[2] In Eating Disorders, a negative body image may also lead to body image disturbance, an altered perception of the whole one's body. Body dissatisfaction also characterizes body dysmorphic disorder, an obsessive-compulsive disorder defined by concerns about some specific aspect of one's body (usually face, skin or hair), which is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix. Often, people who have a low body image will try to alter their bodies in some way, such as by dieting or by undergoing cosmetic surgery. On the other hand, positive body image consists of perceiving one's figure clearly and correctly, celebrating and appreciating one's body, and understanding that one's appearance does not reflect one's character or worth.

Speculation can be made whether Saitama also subconsciously hides his true face behind that goofy face of his, because his lack of hair has become a complex. And why there seems to be such few witnesses to how he really looks and other people attempting to perceive his true self, will find themselves stumped and confused (or what appears to be his true self or Wounded Healer archetype).

(I've never heard Genos sound as confused as this lol, his brain is doing that apple loading screen)

(Can we get more of this Saitama look because the King panel is one of my fav Saitama faces by far, he looks sooooo goood)

Within Shinto it is believed that the nature of life is sacred because the kami began human life. Yet people cannot perceive this divine nature, which the kami created, on their own; therefore, magokoro (真心), or purification, is necessary in order to see the divine nature. This purification can only be granted by the kami. In order to please the kami and earn magokoro, Shinto followers are taught to uphold the four affirmations of Shinto.

By purification, it means with tears, since in Japan, salt water acts as purifier. Then they can perceive the true nature of Saitama.

Saitama's view on self-image is also probably the reason he doesn't scar, when other people did during their training. The only other reason would be that he can actually regenerate like monsters can, but it can definitely contribute to his poor self-image if he thinks it as monster-like quality he just happens to possess and associates it with being evil and monster-like. It might just be metabolism. But we can also speculate upon that. Other people perceive him with "eyes of a dead fish"-look and mostly negatively.

Saitama is the only character in the series who seems to flip-flop between actual looks when it's not for a comedic reason. Even between same page. Nobody else's facial features or musculature change so drastically, besides like Tatsumaki for caricatyre reasons.

Comedy is one thing, but Saitama changes in inverse to that, when he gets serious. So it's probably a serious reason.

You may notice how buff his arm seems to be on upper panel, but then we're back to slim arm. Then the panel with Genos where he looks at Saitama's profile and next Saitama panel we're back to dopey.

I've honestly gone very off tangent and idk if it's interesting or not... but here is where the proper nutrition and new lifestyle changes comes into play.

Evolution wise, our brain size started to increase once humans managed to acquire calorie-rich and difficult to acquire food and behavioural and social changes.

The temporal lobes, which contain centers for language processing, have increased disproportionately, as has the prefrontal cortex, which has been related to complex decision-making and moderating social behavior. Encephalization has been tied to increased starches and meat in the diet, however a 2022 meta study called into question the role of meat. Other factors are the development of cooking, and it has been proposed that intelligence increased as a response to an increased necessity for solving social problems as human society became more complex. Changes in skull morphology, such as smaller mandibles and mandible muscle attachments, allowed more room for the brain to grow. The increase in volume of the neocortex also included a rapid increase in size of the cerebellum. Its function has traditionally been associated with balance and fine motor control, but more recently with speech and cognition. The great apes, including hominids, had a more pronounced cerebellum relative to the neocortex than other primates. It has been suggested that because of its function of sensory-motor control and learning complex muscular actions, the cerebellum may have underpinned human technological adaptations, including the preconditions of speech.

It has been suggested that the changes were mainly social and behavioural, including increased empathic abilities, increases in size of social groups, and increased behavioral plasticity. Humans are unique in the ability to acquire information through social transmission and adapt that information. The emerging field of cultural evolution studies human sociocultural change from an evolutionary perspective.

Once he got proper nutrition of meat, starch and vegetables to actually supplement his overall training, it is not just his physioque that grew, it was the cognitive levels too. Possibly the sensory-motor control that is developed in infancy that is referenced to as the Inner child in omake, his ability to understand causality, time and space. Big brain time basically. Mind expansion.

Intelligence is present; motor activity but no symbols; knowledge is developing yet limited; knowledge is based on experiences/ interactions; mobility allows the child to learn new things; some language skills are developed at the end of this stage. The goal is to develop object permanence, achieving a basic understanding of causality, time, and space.

But chances are, other concepts that cognition develops as it matures apply.

Concrete operational stage Elementary and Early Adolescence (7–12 years) Logical and systematic form of intelligence; manipulation of symbols related to concrete objects; thinking is now characterized by reversibility and the ability to take the role of another; grasps concepts of the conservation of mass, length, weight, and volume; predominantly operational thinking; nonreversible and egocentric thinking

But it wasn't just that. It was the increase in pleasurable social stimulation that allowed him to reach the height of his cognitive levels and actually gain the self-image to match. Or able to showcase the self-image that actually physically matches his real body physioque.

However, when it comes to nutrition and Saitama's powers, it was even more vitally important that he get the proper nutrition and social requirements to sustain himself. He was training hard not just physically, but mentally. It was so taxing he went bald. That kind of stress on the brain can't have been healthy.

This guy looks like death warmed over him. Pig God also has ability that turns his body fat into source of fuel for his powers and what might be his life-energy. Giving that up to Tank-top master made his entire physioque shrink.

Body needs some kind of fuel as energy to continue metabolizing and working normally. When Saitama was just eating banana in the morning and something like idek rice on eggs for supper? It's not enough. Maybe he could be able to persevere on such a diet if he was normal human and just not have any gains on physioque, but he's nowhere near being normal. He just plain forced himself to change.

He has divine power that was also constantly stressing his brain, his cognition and when he was doing hero work, if he was to expend all that emotional energy in cathexis and blow up stuff, it would also require him to produce same amount of energy to match. Equivalent exchange, Full Metal Alchemist style.

My hypothesis is that his body had started to cannibalize itself because it simply did not have enough resources to use as fuel. Not from food nor from socialization.

By draining his emotions and possibly other cognitive skills as fuel for his divine power instead and causing his apathy. Yikes.

Because he always expells his serious punches in anger and he always feels less stressed or even no emotions at all after serious punch. By forcing himself to change and using his divine power, he rapidly sped up his metabolism and cognitive thought processing and suffered because he was poor financially and poor socially to give himself enough water and sunlight to grow like the Cactus metaphor.

It was worse when he had no energy for the Garou fight, after walking all day in dark caves with zero food and he was irritable and exploded immediately and uncontrollably when he saw his entire social circle had been killed.

Chances are, Saitama might just wither away eventually if he actually lost that social circle...that's how one can defeat Saitama, by striking a dead blow to his heart. If they can get past Saitama's powers, that is.

If the beefy Saitama is his current true image? Body image wise, that's great. It means that he has stopped cannibalizing himself from the inside out and he's now getting enough nutrients and meeting his energy requirements sufficiently enough that his self-image is now relatively normal. And has stopped having a "mostly" negative view of himself.

But there's still a reason why he tries to hide it so much and why it only seemingly comes out when he becomes serious. And even then, in only few rare scenarios.

He deems his abnormal strenght, his full power and divine powers, as something monstrous. Because of the scenarios where he has to use it.

The times when he realises that he cannot show mercy to an individual and is forced to possibly kill them.

"Bla bla bla. Are you done? With this fight?"

Saitama is not trying to taunt Boros, at least not in the way we think. He's trying to dissuade him from continuing the fight, so he would not have to kill him. Because he empathised heavily.

But Saitama does not kill people, it's against his morals. He only kills things he deems as monsters. Evil things who have turned their beings against humanity. But he may not truly feel like monsters deserve killing either and he feels he's forced to do it if he's to continue to be a hero and protect humanity and he's become desentized to killing monsters, though this is speculation.

It is the look of a person who is world-weary. A thousand yard stare. When heroism didn't turn out to be like he thought it would be.

Possibly the reason he never seems to feel fully like a Hero and why he's envious of people like King and even Garou to extent. And why he feels weird for trying to pretend to be a Hero. The loneliness he feels because he seems alone in his dilemmas. Being and feeling monstrous while doing something you're passionate about.

There is nobody he can relate with. When he finds someone he can relate with, he really wants nothing more than to spare them.

There is a quote from Deadpool that seems fitting, which I found from youtube comments when watching Totally not Mark's video how Saitama redefines heroism. I recommend watching btw, its a great video.

"Four or five moments, that’s all it takes. To be a hero. Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.

Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away."

Which feels very poignant, considering how Deadpool also looks under the mask. Appearing as Hero on the outside, but a monster on the inside.

Another point of view is that the reason for Saitama's apathy and losing his humanity is because of how Saitama started to view himself as; a person with less humanity because he felt monstrous doing his hero work and less emotions when he was constantly locking up his emotions behind a facade of apathy just to deal with his conflicting feelings. So it started to became part of his self-image and the person he views himself as. If you believe in it hard enough, it must be true right? Which is honestly just as bad as your own body eating itself out on the inside. Both can be true interpretations.

We've not even arrived to the debate about what makes monsters evil and deserving of the death blow. Who's to decide whether or not Manako for instance, deserves to die? Saitama or Amai-mask? Is Manako evil enough monster that she would have to die or good enough to live? We will probably discuss this come Amai-mask arc.

Saitama sees the world as black and white more often than not. People, monsters and himself. At least when he is losing his touch with humanity.

Psychoanalytic theory posits that an individual unable to integrate difficult feelings mobilizes specific defenses to overcome these feelings, which the individual perceives to be unbearable. The defense that effects (brings about) this process is called splitting. Splitting is the tendency to view events or people as either all bad or all good.[1] When viewing people as all good, the individual is said to be using the defense mechanism idealization: a mental mechanism in which the person attributes exaggeratedly positive qualities to the self or others. When viewing people as all bad, the individual employs devaluation: attributing exaggeratedly negative qualities to the self or others

He gave that same thousand yard stare look at Garou that he gave to Boros, multiple times even. Feeling like a monster because all he wanted to do is kill Garou to revenge Genos and dissociating from his feelings entire so he wouldn't be able to feel the pain. So he clung to the last vestige of humanity on his palm.

When he lets out a less than ideal side of himself loose on the opponent to do what he feels passionate about, acting out in justice, but struggles with feelings of shame and guilt over his actions because he also feels like a monster while doing so against a person who he can't box neatly into what he depicts as morally evil. And feelings of guilt and shame for in this instance, trying to carry out justice by serious punching Garou to smithereens despite Tareo asking him not to and the end result almost destroying earth. And lastly, feelings of guilt and shame over enjoying his hero work to alleviate his boredom.

If Garou wanted to become absolute evil by transforming from human to a monster, Saitama parallels that by wanting to become to the opposite; absolute good by transforming from monster into a human. Something essential in humanity he feels like he has lost. He never felt like he fit into society anyway and he feels let down like Hammerhead and one foot away from becoming like one.

And it has become a self-perpetuating cycle; alleviating his emotional pain by engaging in impulsive behaviour to relieve it and then feeling shame and guilt. Then it becomes automatic response.

Because being passionate about Hero work also saved him and gave him means to vent out his negative feelings like anger, emptyness and depression so he did not succumb entirely and he could connect with his passions again. It gave him a sense of purpose and means to change himself.

In all honesty, Saitama seems to suffer from Borderline Personality-disorder, and more than likely ADHD and all of this undiagnosed but that's another topic entirely. Speculation can be made again whether it's related to when he first gained his powers as infant, related to his powers in general which causes similar symptoms to arise or if he always had these qualities, but we'll need more information about his past to be sure.

(that impatient foot tapping can point to symptoms of adhd yeap, same as his inability to focus on long speeches)

Combat service...

Question: Has Saitama ever enlisted in the military? Which is extremely common if one is poor plus male. And military exists in OPM.

Men raised in poverty had greater odds of draft and all-volunteer military service. Early-life experiences, independent of military service, appear associated with greater odds of MD. Assessing childhood poverty in service members may identify risk for depression in later life.

Because in all honesty, the metaphor here when Manako, one eye'd monster, is sitting on the toilet and hiding her face from Saitama seems kind of...fitting. In OPM game, Toilet-dwelling monster is metaphor for God, the source of monsters and evil. And Saitama locks himself in the toilet, like he locks his emotions away.

If Saitama has some kind of trauma from his time in the military that causes him to dissociate, it would explain the stare he gets when he feels like he has to take a life to do his hero work, to preserve the needs of the many. Like he did when he killed Boros and when he felt like he failed everyone he knew and wanted to kill Garou.

(Reincarnation anybody? I heard first era in OPM was about war and stuff)

When recounting his arrival in Vietnam in 1965, then-Corporal Joe Houle (director of the Marine Corps Museum of the Carolinas in 2002) said he saw no emotion in the eyes of his new squad: "The look in their eyes was like the life was sucked out of them," later learning that the term for their condition was "the 1,000-yard stare". "After I lost my first friend, I felt it was best to be detached," he explained.

The parallels in these two panels are pretty astounding. But in the bottom one, Saitama has also suffered a psychological wound and it depicts the wounded healer archetype very well.

Wounded healer is a term created by psychologist Carl Jung. The idea states that an analyst is compelled to treat patients because the analyst himself is "wounded." The idea may have Greek mythology origins. Victor et al. (2021), a pre-print study, found that 82% of applied psychology graduate students and faculty members in the United States and Canada experienced mental health conditions at some point in their lives.

As an example, of the "wounded healer phenomenon" between an analyst and their analyzed:

The analyst is consciously aware of his own personal wounds. These wounds may be activated in certain situations especially if the analyzed wounds are similar to his own. The analyzed wounds affect the wounds of the analyst. The analyst either consciously or unconsciously passes this awareness back to his analyzed, causing an unconscious relationship to take place between analyst and analyzed.

Humanity has made contact with a threat of this scale and has known true Fear, but as long as Saitama's combat service remains a secret, nobody will know.

I wonder if this'll relate to time travel in some way.

Side note, Saitama also taunted both Boros and Garou just to draw their attention intentionally as means of protecting other people with self-sacrifice and classic thinking process of a wounded healer archetype, but also that BPD self-harm shining through. Intentionally using himself being impervious to draw fire.

It's not a healthy outlook, no matter even if he's impervious to harm. He's just found he can do it and it works when he does hero work. He did not care much about being careful about getting harmed before he got impervious either.

Anyways, less about nutrition, more about how Saitama is drawn and how it relates to the plot, his self-image and his mental state.

But regardless of how you see it, I believe current Saitama IS a depiction that he is slowly getting better. And getting the nourishment and help he needs to actually grow and heal. Which is the general takeaway.

[munson-master]

At the Château | Steve x Reader

Chapter 2: And I feel Just Fine

summary: Steve is worried, there's a Russian plot to foil and you meet robin for the first time. 

TW: mentions of blood, slight physical abuse, spoilers, canon divergence. 

Chapter: One

❀✿❁ ᛬❊☙❤︎❧❊᛬ ❁✿❀

 You had been sitting in the star court mall parking lot for about fifteen minutes trying to get yourself a little more presentable and a little less like you were having a mental breakdown.  Even though that’s what you felt like, like you were literally losing your mind. Your mom, your own mother had just put you in a chokehold and tried to drug you. All the while your sister and her shitty “boyfriend” just sat there and watched.

 Honestly, you weren’t sure if this was even happening right now because no matter how horrifying things got in Hawkins it never came to your home. Never touched your family, the rest of the Holloways being blissfully unaware as you battled monsters from an alternate dimension and secret government experiments gone horribly wrong. The biggest problem your family has was trying to figure out what to have for dinner and whether or not your dad would come home pissed off or not. 

 Honestly, you weren’t sure if this was even happening right now because no matter how horrifying things got in Hawkins it never came to your home. Never touched your family, the rest of the Holloways being blissfully unaware as you battled monsters from an alternate dimension and secret government experiments gone horribly wrong. The biggest problem your family has was trying to figure out what to have for dinner and whether or not your dad would come home pissed off or not. 

 Perhaps you were jumping to conclusions, maybe this wasn’t some horrible aftermath of the upside-down bullshit you became used to dealing with. Maybe there was another explanation, maybe your mom wasn’t trying to drug you, maybe you were just so tired from the drive across several states that your anxiety manifested in an abhorrent way. Or maybe your asshole dad finally pushed your mom over the edge, and she went nuts. But that didn’t explain Heather and Billy or why they were cool with the rotting food and disaster that was your home. 

 He was always so supportive during your phone calls, always willing to listen and share his thoughts but if you were being honest, you weren’t this close with him just a year ago. What if he thought you were nuts and you ruined the great relationship the two of you had been building? You hate to admit it, but he was quickly becoming one of your closest friends, tying with Nancy who you shared an irreplaceable bond with after Barb’s death. He was charming and sincere, if not kind of dumb which only made you love him more. You loved your phone calls with him, loved making jokes and sharing gossip, loved how attached he was to his weird little band of mini monster slayers. How he never failed to step in and protect them and you. He always was the first to stand in the way of a threat, whether it was demo dogs or Billy Hargrove. And with that thought your mind raced back to Billy, why was he with Heather? Why was he in your house?? No matter what was going on you knew at least that Billy being there was bad news. You were there when he beat the literal shit out of Steve. You had his head in your lap while trying to clean some of the blood from his face as the kids formed a plan in the background.

 He was always so supportive during your phone calls, always willing to listen and share his thoughts but if you were being honest, you weren’t this close with him just a year ago. What if he thought you were nuts and you ruined the great relationship the two of you had been building? You hate to admit it, but he was quickly becoming one of your closest friends, tying with Nancy who you shared an irreplaceable bond with after Barb’s death. He was charming and sincere, if not kind of dumb which only made you love him more. You loved your phone calls with him, loved making jokes and sharing gossip, loved how attached he was to his weird little band of mini monster slayers. How he never failed to step in and protect them and you. He always was the first to stand in the way of a threat, whether it was demo dogs or Billy Hargrove. And with that thought your mind raced back to Billy, why was he with Heather? Why was he in your house?? No matter what was going on you knew at least that Billy being there was bad news. You were there when he beat the literal shit out of Steve. You had his head in your lap while trying to clean some of the blood from his face as the kids formed a plan in the background.

 He was always so supportive during your phone calls, always willing to listen and share his thoughts but if you were being honest, you weren’t this close with him just a year ago. What if he thought you were nuts and you ruined the great relationship the two of you had been building? You hate to admit it, but he was quickly becoming one of your closest friends, tying with Nancy who you shared an irreplaceable bond with after Barb’s death. He was charming and sincere, if not kind of dumb which only made you love him more. You loved your phone calls with him, loved making jokes and sharing gossip, loved how attached he was to his weird little band of mini monster slayers. How he never failed to step in and protect them and you. He always was the first to stand in the way of a threat, whether it was demo dogs or Billy Hargrove. And with that thought your mind raced back to Billy, why was he with Heather? Why was he in your house?? No matter what was going on you knew at least that Billy being there was bad news. You were there when he beat the literal shit out of Steve. You had his head in your lap while trying to clean some of the blood from his face as the kids formed a plan in the background.

 If you took a moment, you think that night was what finally convinced you that Steve wasn’t really the asshole you were accustomed to in school. You watched him take on Billy Hargrove and get his ass handed to him just to protect both Lucas and Max. Kids that weren’t his responsibility, he could have walked away after the whole monster bullshit. Nancy broke up with him….he had no reason to stay in the crazy bullshit that came with being a part of your small little group but still he stayed. He helped when Dustin called you and him after getting no response from his friends. Recalling those memories brought you back to the present, Steve would help you no matter what you had to say. You knew it. 

 Slapping the sun visor shut, you pulled your keys out of the ignition and grabbed the bag of bloodied wet wipes before swinging the car door open. You had to find Steve, if you couldn’t get ahold of Nancy, he would know what was going on or at least help in some way. 

 Stomach clenching with worry you pushed through the mall entrance after dumping your trash into a bin just outside the doors. You couldn’t stop your mind from panicking, praying that he was at work, that whatever got your family didn’t get him too. 

 Finally, your wandering eyes spotted the Scoops Ahoy storefront and you quickened your pace to the shop. You pushed through a group of kids just leaving the ice cream parlor and immediately felt a wave of relief wash over you. 

 There he was. There was Steve, scolding Dustin for licking his ice cream scooper. Steve who looked totally not brainwashed, who wasn’t missing in action like Nancy. 

 A hysterical sob bubbled as you literally ran at him, wrapping your arms around his middle completely catching the young man by surprise. That definitely wasn’t what you had planned but the relief that flooded your senses nearly brought you to your knees. Guess no matter how you tried to talk yourself down you really were worried about him. 

 “W-Whoa! Excuse me?!” He yelped and moved his hands to your shoulders to push you away before actually recognizing who was squeezing the literal life out of him. It took him maybe two seconds before recognition lit up his eyes, a smile spreading on his face. 

 As soon as he knew it was you, he pulled you back into his chest, a blush rising up the back of his neck which Dustin saw and smirked at.  

 “Y/N? Holy shit! You're home early!!” He was so ecstatic that you were there at scoops he failed to spot the dried blood in your hair, the tremble of your limbs, or the tears in your eyes. 

 Dustin however did get the chance to notice, the kid was the sharpest little dude you had ever met after all. His eyes went from Steve’s slight blush to you which brought a small frown to his face. He immediately picked up on the blood droplets on your collar, the disheveled appearance of your clothes and the bruise that was forming on your temple. He spoke up just as Steve was letting you go, which you had to admit caused a small stab of disappointment at the loss of his warmth. 

 “Uh…y/n is that blood?” The words immediately turned Steve’s bright smile to a concerned frown in seconds. He pulled you back, hands still gripping your shoulders. 

 “What?! where?? What happened??” Finally taking in your downcast eyes, the blood on your shirt and in your hair. You watched as a handful of different emotions filter over his features, confusion to anger then concern finally arriving back to anger. His grip tightened on your shoulders causing you to wince which immediately had him removing his hands only to place one on the small of your back the other gently grabbing your wrist to lead you to the back of the shop. Robin still hadn’t come back with whatever she took the tip money for, but Steve honestly did not care about being at the counter at the moment. 

 “Dustin watch the front.” He ordered in a slightly harsher tone than he meant to as he ushered you through the door. Dusting nodded, muttering a short “yeah ok” before turning to the front of the store. Normally he would have complained, said something about working for free or doing Steve’s job but he was just as worried about you. It was strange but out of all the kids Dustin felt the most like a little brother, maybe it was the endearing relationship he had with Steve or maybe it was his brilliant mind and sunny disposition. You would absolutely never admit it, but you loved Dustin and Will in a way that Lucas and Mike could never match. The two of them felt like the kind of outcasts you were used to growing up as, felt like your own responsibility because while Mike had Eleven and Nancy and Lucas had Max and Erica, Dustin had you and Steve. You didn't know this, but he saw you as the older sister he never had too, cared about you in a familial way that he would probably never admit to. So, when he noticed the state, you were in the plans for breaking into secret Russian bases didn't matter. 

 Steve gently led you to the table in the center of the room, guiding you to sit before he turned and grabbed the first aid kit out from under the cubbies against the wall. You still hadn’t said anything, which brought his concern up another level. He opened the box on the table before turning back to you once again and kneeling in front of you. He gently gripped your chin, nudging your head up to look at him as he took stock of your injury and made sure there weren’t any others. He took a deep breath trying to rid himself of the protective fury that was building inside. He needed to know who hurt you and he needed to know now. 

Steve was a protective guy by nature and when it came to his loved ones he would do anything to support them and keep them safe. So when he finally saw the bruise forming on your temple, the bit of dried blood in your hair, the way your eyes were red and puffy, he saw red. Whoever did this to you was getting a visit as soon as he got off work. It didn’t matter that he technically never really won a fight, it didn’t matter that he didn’t know the circumstances, all that mattered was that someone hurt you and he was going to find them and hurt them back. But that all could wait because right now you were sat in front of him, looking so shaken and broken. He never wanted to see the look of defeat and overwhelming anxiety that your expression held at that moment, and he would make damn sure it will never be there again. So he schooled his features, took another deep breath and spoke in a calming tone. 

 “Y/N….Y/N I need you to give me a name. Who did this to you? What happened?” 

The question brought you out of whatever trance you were in. Honestly you hadn’t intended to cause such a big fuss, you were just so relieved to see him. So relieved to see that he was ok, that you had made it to him without any problems and he wasn’t some weird zombie person you were imagining the entire way to the mall. You pulled your head back and cleared your throat, back straightening as you wiped your eyes really quick. 

 “Uh my mom??” The way it came out sounded like a question, not because you didn’t know what happened but just because you had no idea how to approach the topic of your family becoming weird, possessed fiends. 

“What?!” Steve on the other hand was immediately jumping to conclusions, his eyes wide and brows furrowed. He definitely didn’t expect that, he thought back to all the phone calls the two of you shared while you were away. You never once mentioned your home being an unsafe environment, you talked about how much of a dick your dad was, how sometimes it felt like you never existed, how you knew Heather was the favorite child. But never once did you mention physical abuse, and that had Steve feeling a pang of hurt at the thought of you not sharing everything with him when he so openly laid bare his soul to you over the past year. But now wasn’t the time, this changed everything because this wasn’t some guy he could go wail on after work. This was way worse and way more serious than some douche bag or a girls fight or whatever he thought it was before. 

 But before he could say anything else, you were blurting out everything. You told him about how you hadn’t heard from your family in two weeks, how Nancy wouldn’t answer your calls. You told him your decision to come home early and how when you pulled up to your house Billy Hargrove was in your driveway. You told him about the rotten food, and the disheveled state of your home. He listened to you intently, worry growing with each word, eyes narrowing at the mention of Billy and then going wide again when you had said your own mother put you in a choke hold. 

The story you told didn’t make him feel better, if anything this was just progressively getting worse but he interrupted once when you mentioned the drugs and how you whacked your head on the table. “Holy shit what? WhAT?!” He ran his hands through his hair and paced back and forth in front of you. 

 “Yeah….I tried going to Nancy’s house and then your house, but you guys weren’t home. I even tried Jonathan’s, and no one was there either.” You explained as your hands gripped your knees. “I….I was so scared you wouldn’t be here...” those last words mumbled so quietly Steve just barely caught them. 

 “Ok…ok that’s…t-that is NOT good…” you could tell Steve started to panic a bit before catching himself. You watched him take two deep breaths before he reached for the first aid kit again. “Well, I am pretty sure Nancy is ok. I just talked to her recently and she was talking about some weird lady that hoards Mulch and like some zombie rats or something? I don’t know man journalism is weird. But I didn’t know about your sister and Billy. Do you …do you think it’s like some more of that weird shit that always seems to happen here? Or I don't know, like has your mom shown any signs of like a mental break in the past? ” As he questioned you calmly, he gently cleaned the cut on your temple before placing a band aid over it. 

 Before you could respond though Dustin poked his head through the window opening interrupting the two of you. 

 “Steve incoming!” He gave a short warning before a girl you had never seen burst through the door carrying what looked like blueprints?? She was wearing the same uniform as Steve which led you to believe this was Robin. Steve had talked about her a lot during your weekly phone calls, not that you were jealous or anything. That literally should have been the furthest thing from your mind, but you couldn't help recalling how you felt when Steve talked about the other girl. How he complained with fondness in his tone about the other young woman. How it made you feel like you were already being replaced when you had just gotten close to him. 

 “It is fascinating what twenty bucks will get you at the county’s recorder’s office.” Robin was already talking as she came in but immediately stopped when she caught sight of you. “Really?? Right now, dingus?? Don’t you think we have bigger problems than your next failed attempt at getting a date?” She put one hand on her hip scolding Steve. 

 You tried not to be offended or hurt at the thought of Steve hitting on girls enough that Robin immediately assumed that’s what was going on. “U-um??” You began to defend yourself or Steve maybe? You weren't really sure, but Steve was already talking over you. 

 “Jesus Christ Robin shut up this is Y/N!” He quickly explained which had Robin looking back at you, something new showing on her expression that you couldn’t really read. 

 “Oh! Y/N! Nice to meet you! Are you breaking into the Russian base with us?” She had moved around to spread out the large blueprints on the table pushing the first aid kit to the floor. 

 “Excuse me? The what?” You looked from her to Steve before going back to her. What the fuck was she talking about? Steve never mentioned she was crazy, eccentric but not like certifiably insane. For a moment though in the back of your mind you were thankful for the distraction, not really wanting to dwell on your family at the moment. 

 “Robin what the hell?!” Steve threw his hands up in exasperation just as Dustin walked through the door. 

 “What? I literally told you I would come back with a plan to get us in. You talk about her all the time. I assumed you filled her in and that's why she’s here! I said I would be back!” She defended herself before explaining to Dustin that the blueprints spread on the table were of Starcourt itself. Meanwhile you were stuck on the ‘you talk about her all the time’ was that good? Was that bad? What did Steve say about you??? You knew this was literally the last thing you should concern yourself with, but you couldn’t help it. Steve of course interrupted that train of thought when he turned to you. 

 “Ok so uh I know you have a legitimate problem and it’s scary as hell but uh can we table that for just a moment so I can catch you up to speed. Since robin so kindly decided to spill.” He grabbed your hand and spoke softly to you, voice getting louder mentioning Robin. His eyes shot a glare her way which she just shrugged off. 

 “So, Henderson intercepted this like super-secret code with his x-men radio thing or whatever-” His voice getting cut off but Dustin who shouted over his shoulder “Cerebro!” 

 Steve rolled his eyes and continued, “yeah that, anyway he got this code and Robin cracked it with her like genius ear skills and then we were on the roof and saw the Russian guy’s load into this room and now we are trying to be American heroes by investigating and they want to break in somehow without being caught.” Steve was rambling at this point, and you were having a hard time following. Something to do about Russians having a base beneath the mall and a secret room or something like that. Your mind wandered a bit as he kept going on about their plans, maybe this whole Russian thing was the answer. 

 Maybe that’s what was going on with your family. Thinking back, your dad definitely was an asshole, but you didn’t think he was like a Russian spy asshole. You think you would have noticed if your parents were Russian spies. Or you guessed maybe you wouldn't that was the whole point in being a spy.  Or maybe they did something to them? Or bribed them. Or threatened them or something. Used some weird Russian drug. Maybe that’s what your mom tried to give you?? 

 As your mind was coming up with one ridiculous theory after the other Steve grew concerned with your lack of response. Looking closer he took note of how exhausted you looked, which sent a pang of guilt at the fact that he dragged you into this Russian mess when you clearly had some bad shit going on at home. He  gently tried to get your attention, to hear what you were thinking. 

 “Ah! Sorry I was just …um … do you think that might be what’s going on at my house?” You asked him, looking back up at him, hands clenching the hem of your shirt. 

 “Uh what do you mean like…is your family working for the Russians? Are you even Russian??” Steve had his telltale expression of pure confusion while Dustin rolled his eyes.

 “If they were Russian spies they wouldn’t like just come out and say they were Russian dude.” Dustin quipped which caused Steve to exhale loudly.

 “Well, I don't know! How am I supposed to know anything about this!” His voice dropped lower when he turned back to you. “I mean it's possible I guess…” He trailed off, one hand rubbing the back of his head. 

“Cool yeah whatever so are you in or what cause I got a plan.” Robin interrupted, turning to you, a slight grin placed on her face. You weren’t sure if you should be thankful for including you or pissed off that she was brushing over your concerns. Either way when you thought about it this was the best way to find answers. And Steve was going which meant if he went in and something happened you would lose your last life line and that was something you couldn’t afford or even fathom. Maybe you could find any kind of notes or evidence linking the Russians to your family, or some kind of research explaining what the fuck was going on I. Hawkins this time. You cling to the hope that maybe it was just an evil Russian ploy because that would mean it was humans you were dealing with and you’ve bested far worse than man itself. Humans seemed easier than interdimensional demons from tears in the universe.  

“Uh in I guess?” You shrugged while Steve shot you a worried glance that you completely missed. 

“Great! So! These are the complete blueprints of the mall…” Robin trails off bringing everyone’s attention back to the maps spread across the table. Dustin commended her with an impressed “not bad.” Which you had to admit was pretty clever of her. 

You listened intently as she was explained and showed where the base was in comparison to where you all currently sat in Scoops. “I mean I don’t really see a way in..” Steve was staring so hard at the blueprints you wouldn’t be surprised if he burned a whole in them. 

“There’s not. IF your talking exclusively about doors…” you immediately caught on to what she was suggesting. 

“Air ducts!” You exclaimed while Standing with excitement to move next to Robin to look at the second map she revealed. 

“Exactly” she smiled in your direction before continuing. “Turns out this room needs air just like any old room and these air ducts lead all the way… here.” Your eyes followed the red line, contrasting over the blue ones printed there. She drew a large circle around the targeted area and you clasped a hand on her shoulder. 

“Holy shit you’re a genius!” You finally felt the excitement overtaken the worry and anxiety you had been feeling. The rest of the group turns their head to look at the vent up near the top of the back wall.

“Woah woah Woah. Wait before we go crawling through vents and whatever else, y/n we should clean you up and get you like some food to eat. You literally had the worst day ever so let's just pause for a second ok.” Steve turned to you with concern shining in his eyes as he tried to reason with you . You had to admit he was right, you haven't eaten since you left the motel you had stayed at during your trip home and that was coming up on 8 hours ago… it had been a looong fucking day. But still you couldn't help but make light of the situation trying not to bring the mood back down.

“Aw Harrington you do care. It's all good. I'll just like grab a new shirt downstairs and I'll be good to go.” You laughed it off while you awkwardly rubbed your arm as a distraction. 

“Do you even have any money on you? Just let me take you to get some new clothes and food. Robin, can you cover for me for like an hour?” Steve stood firm on this insisting which you had to admit was just like him. He really was turning out to be the mom friend of the group which the thought alone made you chuckle. He also had a point in your haste to find him you had not thought to grab money. 

You sheepishly looked back at him. “I mean …no. I do not have any money but I don't want you to have to pay for me. Besides, I really dont need new clothes, it's just a little blood. And I don't want to make them wait for a whole hour, it's not that important.” you argue  back, not wanting to be in the way and also not wanting to waste any more time on trying to figure out what was going on. Despite you being much calmer than you were when you arrived you still had the image of your mother and sister sitting at the table, unsettling smiles adorning their faces. The longer you waited the longer it took for your family to do something horrible. What about Nancy if she really was just working, was she at work with your dad right now? Was your dad a part of this whole crazy mess? If he was, wouldn't that mean Nancy was in danger? All of these thoughts swirled in your mind as you came to the conclusion that anything you needed could wait until this was all fixed.

As you were lost in thought Steve looked from you to Robin with pleading eyes. Robin of course looked back with quick understanding, besides it would definitely suck if you passed out while sneaking into whatever evil Russian plot awaited the group. Steve mouthed a quick thank you her way before grabbing you by the wrist and leading you out the door. 

Which of course you immediately began to protest, “Steve no wait just wait a second!” your words falling of deaf ears as he continued to pull you out the door just as Dustin shouted from the back.

“Hey grab me a churro!” his voice carrying out the door, steves hand still gripping your wrist let go briefly to flash a thumbs up his way before going back to your wrist. 

You dug your heels in, finally forcing Steve to stop. “Jesus Harrington wait a second! Ok let’s compromise, I don't need new clothes but we can go grab food…ok?” You tried to reason with him hoping to cut down the time away from you getting your answers. 

He squints his eyes at you before letting out a huff, finally releasing your wrist to run his fingers through his hair. “Fine. Fine but you're gonna eat like a full meal not just some snacks and we aren't going to talk about Russians or monsters or anything else ok.” He pleaded with you, which brought a genuine smile to your face. You really appreciated the fact that he was giving you this chance to relax without worry. 

“Deal! Let’s go!” You grab his hand again and this time you're the one dragging him towards the food court, a smile plastered on your face. You knew he was just trying to look out for you and if you were being completely truthful you were grateful for the chance to escape your worries and dark thoughts that were swirling in the back of your mind. 

Once you had ordered an acceptable amount by Steve's standards you followed him to a table in the corner of the food court. 

“Ok Harrington this is way too much food how am i supposed to eat all this? You trying to put me in a food coma so I don't come with you to fight Russian super spies?”  you joke as the two of you took a seat across from each other. 

“Nope no Russian talk!” He quickly chastised you for bringing up one of the forbidden topics of this meal. 

“We are going to pretend there's nothing wrong! No Russian Spies, No body snatchers, no upside down bull shit. So tell me how is your Gran?” 

Steve wanted to give you a moment to breathe, to act like nothing was wrong for just a second. He knew the world ending horrors would be there after you ate, the two of you could take just this brief pause and act as if you were just coming home to Hawkins to find everything the same as when you left. Your heart warmed at this realization and you found yourself smiling down at your burger, completely thankful to have him there with you at this moment. 

“Haha ok ok. Gran is good! Her new place is HUGE, she's insane, you know she bought a cow?” you laughed under your breath as you watched his eyes sparkle with amusement. 

“A COW?!” he choked on the bite of food he just took, a grin growing. “Like a living breathing cow? The giant black and white things?? She's like two feet tall! What is she going to do with a cow??” He laughed and you couldn't help laughing along with him. You wish you could have shown him your Gran next to this giant creature ten times her size. Her little 4’11 self rubbing her face on it with a huge smile, pride glowing on her features. You will have to take him with you next time you go visit, it would be so funny to see Steve Harrington out on a farm in the middle of nowhere. 

“Haha she says she could use the company, you have to come with me next time I visit, we could take Nancy and Jonathan and go on a road trip!” you excitedly rambled on, only realizing what you said after it already came out. 

“I mean that is if you're uh cool with spending that much time with them…actually you know what nevermind that was a dumb idea haha” nervously chuckling you back tracked fast, realizing you just asked him to go on a road trip with his ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend she left him for.  When you looked at him for a response though the only thing you could pick up on was the genuine fondness his expression held.

“No no that would be great! Maybe your gran can show me how to like milk a cow.” He calmly played along, easing your worries in one fell swoop. Which did the trick because if picturing Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington on a farm was funny, visualizing him trying to milk a cow was even funnier. You snorted, hads flying to cover your mouth as you laughed out loud. 

“What? What's so funny you dont think I'd be good at it??” he poked fun, pointing a fry in your direction challenging you to say otherwise. This was so ridiculous, the whole conversation was so stupid and silly and exactly what you needed at that moment. Every worry you had, everything that had you stressed out an hour ago melted away as you just enjoyed the meal Steve bought you. Tension leaving your body, as the two of you continued to eat, talking about any and everything that happened while the two of you were apart. No talk of evil bullshit that had you in tears, just a genuine good time that left your heart warm and stomach full by the time the two of you finished up. After the two of you cleaned up your trash you made your way back to Scoops only pausing briefly to grab his hand pulling him to a stop just outside the entrance. 

“Hey…Thank you really truly.” you tried to convey the gratefulness that was swelling up inside as he just smiled back at you.

“It was just a burger y/n dont cream your pants.” He sent you a wink and laughed as you slapped him on the shoulder. You knew your feelings were received and he knew they came from the heart. 

“Now let's go save the country or whatever.” The two of you came back in to see Robin arguing with Dustin about whether or not he could fit in the air vent. Steve looked back at you, rolled his eyes and went to break it up. 

Silly conversations about cows and the likes were put on the back burner of your mind as the group moved forward to the next part of the plan. 

It was time to get your answers. 

❀✌︎❀

A/N: I’m having a very fun time writing this story I’m excited to get to the more major parts but so far it’s been fun. As always thank you so much for reading and if there are any suggestions or comments you all have please send them my way it would be greatly appreciated ❊❤︎

Next Chapter

[showtoonzfan]

Honestly as much as I dislike helluva boss it would be kinda of fucked if they put all the world building and demonology into Hazbin and give people nothing for Helluva boss, so they had compensate by focusing on Stolitz and other ships. There’s nothing to Helluva boss, even the pilot didn’t have a story to tell to begin with, it was just assassins going around killing people and what little world building is told in obscure livestreams. I didn’t even know there was a hierarchy (like imps and hellhounds being at the bottom) till fans were posting lives streams of viv saying so because it’s never brought up or seen in the show. So Viv just wasted everyone’s time and overworked the animators by making them do two shows at once and by giving us a pointless spin off show, yeah it has pretty animation but it’s all fools gold when everything else is so empty. She should’ve just focused on her main series, like why did she do this?

I have no idea just-posts, I really don’t. Like I understand the idea of looking at some of your characters and going “Okay it would be cool to explore THEM and make them have their own stories”- but to this day I’m still sticking to the opinion that creating Helluva Boss was one of the biggest mistakes Vivzie could make. We know from her twitter that she has mental health issues, so all she did was pile more work onto her by creating another show. Why couldn’t it be in the form of comics? Animated shorts? Or why couldn’t she just wait until Hazbin’s first season was wrapping up production and THEN see if you have the energy to make more? But no, HB had to be a whole series, while she’s at the same time, working on the BIG show to a pilot that took her 5 years to work on, her baby, and passion. This is why I don’t feel sympathy for her anymore whenever she expresses how tired she is on twitter, because she put this upon herself. She has a reputation of biting WAY more than she can chew in the past, and to this day she hasn’t learned her lesson. Of course the thing is, wether you think Vivzie is fine juggling two shows at once or not, Helluva is still really bad. I never understood why she wanted to make a spin-off of a show that isn’t even out yet, and thanks to that, the little “worldbuilding” that Helluva has ends up confusing most of us, especially when you take Hazbin into consideration. If Hell has an overpopulation problem, why are they letting IMPS roam the earth to kill humans? If Cherubs can’t get into Heaven for accidentally killing someone, how can sinners? If only Angelic daggers can kill a demon, then why are there guns that can kill royalty? Why is there therapy and rehab in hell? If sinners can only die from an Angelic dagger, then how come Hellborn species seemingly just die from regular bullets? I could go on and on, and don’t forget all the dumb confusing shit she’s said on her patreon calls, where she either always sounds like she has no idea what she’s talking about, or the world’s basic ideas aren’t developed yet. Like you said, it doesn’t help that Helluva is mainly just empty when it comes to its worldbuilding. She says all this shit about Hell in her livestreams about how Helluva serves as focusing on the Hellborn demons and what it’s like outside of the Pride Ring, yet when you watch the actual show, it’s underwhelming, it’s all mainly earth but painted red and there’s nothing of value to it, to the point where you could write a version of the story set on earth with humans and most of the main plot points and overall focus wouldn’t change, and that’s an issue. Whenever Viv DOES explain the Hell stuff in the actual show, it’s all flat and uncreative, mainly just earth.

To sum it all up….Vivzie is just a horrible storyteller. She would rather tell us things in livestreams or even flat out tell us things in the show, but doesn’t have the proper writing skills to actually SHOW us. She struggles with inconsistency, and sets up ideas for her world as well but never follows through with them, either forgetting them or it not having relevance to her story. I can only hope that the storytelling skills in Hazbin is better, because to this day I still have no idea how her version of Hell works, and that’s a problem.

[facks-stories]

2/? [plot]

“I mean someone on this blog has powers”

“But I don’t,”

“… alright!”

Somehow her response was clam, though it was the end of the short conversation.

[1/3 ends]

The rest agreed, with scrim winning this time

“Aw”

“Sorry to interrupt- but are we not going to talk about the back of the cards again?”

[at this point I made the calm smaller]

“Why should we?”

[2/3]

“Well fack did spend 2 and a half hours on it”

“And fack needs to clam their ego down-“

[didn’t roll for this one, just something she’d say to me]

“Well that was a bit rude?”

“I apologize, I’m a bit angry”

“Oh, why?”

Milan shrugs, mimu knew she wasn’t someone to get angry over two lost games or any games really [but in her defense she got pretty shitly cards both games] and the other two didn’t really get that from talking to her.

Even though she claimed to be angry nothing in her behavior changed, unlike Mimu she was incredibly hard to read, she always had the same “angry” facial expression and tone. A tone that often sounded like static if you weren’t paying the most attention, which achos wasn’t doing

“Sorry- uh what did you say”

“I said I’m a bit tired”

“But thats not at all what you said”

“But its the truth”

Mimu felt like this was a lie, especially because he had never known milan to be tired either, but tired could mean different things so he bushed the possible lie off

“Any other games you guys know of?”

“Oh! I wanna learn poker!”

Milan shot the other two a quick “i was right” glance

“Poker? You can’t even drink yet why do you know poker?” 

“I know poker?”

“Mimu is a 8 year old mentally, at least some of the time, explain that better”

Milans reply was a bit unwarranted and angry but mother scrim ignored it because milan did a slight wince for only a second or two

[i made the calm smaller again]

“Mimu we can’t play poker, we don’t have the chips for them”

“Oh I can just get them”

“You guys have poker chips?-“

“No, everyone else can just manifest items”

“What? I thought there was no magic”

“There isn’t, its just lazy writing”

“Huh” “huh” “huh”

“Fack didn’t feel like coming up with a reasonable explanation on how they get things”

“What do poker chips look like?”

Mimu interrupted the other two’s opportunity to ask questions though after milan’s answer of “just do the ones that look right” Mimu was too busy to interrupt anymore

“Whos they?”

“Everyone else”

“Can you not do it?”

“Nope”

“Well why not?”

“Because I’m “dangerous””

Well its a bit hard to tell if she’s actually pissed, achos honestly was hearing static again and maybe mother scirm could have figured it out if milan wasn’t so careful, even when her words sounded carefree.

The quotation marks on dangerous gave the two a uneasy feeling, they couldn’t tell if she was down playing something or it was a simple over exaggeration. Still they both looked over at each other simultaneously, then at Mimu who had made the chips and got distracted, making rubber duckes.

Echos started taking the ducks as scrim looked back at milan who was staring at Mimu. Scrim couldn’t tell what milan wanted to do, it looked like she just might kill the poor boy or cradle him. ‘Shes a whole contradiction’ they thought.

“Hey you ok?”

“Yea I’m fine, why”

“Well-“

“WE HAVE A THEORY :D >:D”

Mimu held up the card box he grabbed off the table, him and achos were sitting on the floor brainstorming what they could mean, the people with the wings that is

“Oh sorry aunt for yelling”

“Thats fine,”

“Ok so one is covering the others ears, and the other is choking the other one”

“You’ve used other 3 times in one sentence, thats not really helpful.”

“>:(“

“Well I think this has something to do with anon and milan”

Silence- maybe achos would have broken it if milan didn’t tell him such a pissed off comment

“Well these people have wings, and so does milan”

“Mimu I don’t have wings”

“But I saw them! And so did colby-!”

“I’d know if I had wings”

“They glow! And.. and their yellow and kinda transparent”

“I’m honestly surprised you know what transparent means”

“Milan I’m serious! They aren’t aways there, and I only saw them once but they were there”

{end of text}

[@essentially-a-worm-on-a-string @the-squishy-scrimblo]

Zbfuffii

Yeah I’m going to sleep and proof reading when I wake up

Ok edit: I mis colored some of the text so sorry about that 🥲👍

Also I had Mimu call scrim aunt since he’d probably see them more as a aunt

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary + snake secondary (bird model)

hi! apologies if this is all over the place, im going a little crazy. so, i am going absolutely crazy trying to figure out my primary and secondary. i used to think i was a snake bird (modeling badger snake), but then i started thinking about it and went “hm. maybe im actually a double snake?” and now im thinking i might be a lion snake or . something. i have absolutely no idea. i do know ive either exploded or burnt both primary and secondary at some point though.

So some Exploding or Burning, probably an Internal primary (Snake or Lion) with an I Move secondary (Bird or Snake.) Let’s see what we have. 

so, ive always thought i must be a snake primary because i’m very people-oriented (and i regard people with a certain type of possessiveness), but thats mostly because like… i have an intrinsic fear of being alone thanks to lgbt things (im aromantic - so the internalized arophobia and fear of dying alone is REAL big, esp considering my ex was just straight-up an arophobe) and mental illness issues (i have autism and ptsd that both mesh together to create my being incredibly anxious when around new people/situations - which doesnt lend itself well to interacting with others, so when i do latch onto someone, i latch on HARD). 

Just breathe. It’s okay. But yeah, that’s survival mode human stuff. We do have Burnt secondary language “not good at dealing with new people/situations” etch. And you *did* apologize to me first thing, which is my favorite litmus test for whether a secondary is burnt or not. 

i would not feel bad dropping each and every person in my life for literally zero reason other than i didnt like their vibes. in fact, i really wish i felt comfortable enough to do that! 

Cool. That’s kinda badass. Make me think Idealist primary... and probably Lion, who are classically the most comfortable being loners. 

im so tired all the time, and being the resident mom friend doesnt help that at all. 

ooooh we’ve got a burnt secondary, compensating Badger secondary model. (Or possibly just badger secondary.) 

ive honestly started getting a bit resentful of my friends bc i feel like theyre making me take care of them (though i know they arent).

That’s a common problem with Badger secondary people who aren’t *really* protective of their boundaries. 

so… i guess it would be helpful to explain my morals and motivations, huh?? to be blunt, i really dont know what they currently are. ive started pulling away from relying on other people. which is really healthy for me i think. i used to rely on my ex in particular to handle all of my morals (with them convincing me i was actually evil in the process - they were abusive) and im really glad that im healing enough to stop outsourcing at least that, but im still trying to build up… something to rely on. 

You’re the second SortMe post in a row that to use the specific phrase “outsourcing my morals,” but I don’t think I’m going to sort you the same way, and I’ll tell you why. 

Mainly what I am doing here is making what I consider to be statistically likely guesses. I’ve read a lot of these, and it’s enough to start seeing patterns. And I can tell you that “gaslighting ex” is MUCH more of Burnt Bird primary story, than a Burnt Lion primary story. Put that together with “I’m trying to build up... something to rely on”... and I’d be very surprised if you weren’t a Bird, friend.

i really dont ever feel quite secure. especially not enough to actually express myself as myself. hopping from relationship to relationship has been my stand-in for support up to now, but relationships are just … augh. i dont like them. ive always also felt a drive to protect and care for people (and animals! i wanted to do wildlife rehab growing up, and on the people side ive been interested in anthropology) in need

Sounds like a pretty good start to building a system. 

which sounds very badgery on paper, but honestly i cant relate to badgers really at all. something about it just doesnt really fit me, i guess? i cant relate to the community aspect of it. like yes, every person is a person, but also like. thats not whats important to me. i want to do good things, and be good, or at least better than i was before, and yes that involves taking care of those in need (to me at least), but its not… like how badgers are typically described. i dont even have anything against badgers, i really like them, but im just. not that.

You’re not a Badger. You like some of the values, but your life is not built out of communities, and you seem to like it that way.

i have also almost never forgiven anyone in my life. the few times i have ended up being mistakes, so never again. 

There was another Bird primary post that made the important distinction that there’s forgiving someone... and then there’s letting them back in to do the same thing again. 

on the snake side, i feel like i might have used to rank people according to how important they are to me, but i think that was more of a learned thing than anything else. i really admire snakes, and i want to be one, but i feel more like im just . not being genuine when i think of myself as one, even though thats what i get each time i take the official shc test (which i have recently taken the 2.0 one) and what ive considered myself to be for years now. its stopped fully fitting (unless im somehow gaslighting myself here) and i really dont know what to do about that. 

You also weren’t in a very healthy place recently, and it’s a lot harder to get a read on yourself when you’re not doing okay. (Not impossible, just... harder.) 

like, ill live, its really not that big of a deal, but i still have emotions and its still difficult. i dont like being wrong.

That’s also sounding pretty Bird to me. Both “I don’t like being wrong” and the “my emotions are difficult.” If you were a Lion, those emotions would be your compass, but Birds don’t work that way. 

on the how i do things side - i tend to react very aggressively when what/who i care about gets fucked over, and see no problem with being vicious or lying, acting, whatever i need to do to get my point across. i dont view it as bad. whatever works, works yknow? 

Okay, so you’re probably a Snake or a Bird secondary (which you knew.) And I do see where that Snake primary false positive is coming from. You have some Snake values in your system for sure, but you don’t sound like a Snake when you talk. 

i do like planning at least an outline before things, but im also perfectly content throwing it out the window. though i do enjoy collecting little bits of info i can use later! and learning! and using what i learn! but its very much a “oooohhh this is fun!!!” type thing. 

So that’s at least a fun Bird model (and it seems like every single neurodivergent person has a Bird model, so that’s not all that surprising.) 

i am not a hard worker. at all. i HATE doing things the badger sec way. it sucks and i hate it and i just want to get things done with immediately right now.

Hmm. Now that sounds very In-the-Moment, doesn’t it? I’m starting to lean Snake. 

one thing i very clearly remember from childhood is that once, in middle school, i hung out with a group of mostly boys and we were like. the loner weirdo kids. and one guy smacked me across the face for whatever reason and i immediately went “if you do that again, i will kick you directly in the crotch,” and then he went “i like you!” and we were. ig friends? from then on. Guys.. idk 

Guys are known to socialize like that sometimes. 

i didnt really have that much of an opinion on him that i can remember. i thought i was a bird for a while because of the aforementioned “oh learning fun!” thing and my reliance on at least a light plan, but then i thought about what i do under pressure. and i realized that i go fully improv, and that i feel better doing that than planning. 

Yeah, I bet it does. 

because planning also sucks and i dont really like it. ive tried using planners before and its…. so hard to keep up with….. now, my mom is a lion sec and i dont understand her AT ALL. like yeah, i can imitate her and also push through things directly, but my god is it uncomfy. id prefer to poke around and get a handle on things first, so i can have more of a finesse to what i do. 

Oh this is such classic Snake secondary stuff. Right down to the way that Snake Secondaries do not get Lions, and vice-versa. Also, I dunno, from all the examples given, I would not describe you as “not good at interacting with others.” 

i tend to favor seduction and assassination or rogue-ish routes in games, if that helps any. 

It does. (Snake.) 

sometimes my mom will be set on doing things a certain way and will be metaphorically banging her head on a wall, 

like a Lion 

and ill be in the corner desperately just like “mom please let me do this please let me hand you a different way to do this oh my god you are killing me here that isnt going to work”

Yeah, that seems like a pretty clear communication disconnect.