#thats two payments and then im done

[theygender]

What are you talking about. Exactly zero of these things are essentials

[kiefbowl]

i made a string of really dumb financial decisions and now im in debt that might take me years to pay off, do you have any words of wisdom for me queen. like that feels bad. how do i even save up. imagine flushing a pile of money down the toilet thats what this debt it

I know how that feels, believe me. A lot of people do. I'm feeling the pain of my 9 month school loans, and credit cards I had already paid off back "on" again (one in particular is pretty high...whooooops).

Don't lose your cool, I have a couple of flexible suggestions that you take, use, and modify to your specifics:

Tithe yourself - if your job does direct deposit (which most do!), you can direct deposit your money into multiple accounts. Get it set up so your paycheck goes 90% into your checking account, 10% into your savings account so that you're not even thinking about it. You might feel the squeeze for a little bit but you'll acclimate to that "missing" 10% sooner than you think.

Ask for a raise - if you're working, ask for a raise. If you're new, or maybe not that "great", or they're penny-pinchers, or you're just nervous to ask, don't even worry about it. Ask for 3% - this is low, and most jobs will give it to you just for the convenience of getting you to stop bothering them about it (if they can't afford 3%, run run run). For context, if you make $10 an hour, a 3% raise only gives you $12.00 more each week. It's really not much, but not nothing! If you're NOT worried about asking a raise, go all in! Ask for 10%, maybe even 15%. Flex some negotiation skills. Maybe you'll walkaway with 7%, but every penny counts.

Get yourself on auto payments [at the smallest amounts you can] - if you've got credit cards, log in right now and get yourself on auto payments for the smallest amount. If you've got student loans, do the same thing. If you've got utility bills, get them on auto pay. These things take 3 minutes to set up, and there are phone numbers to call if you can't figure it out. These companies WANT you to do this, they will help you get it done.

Work off the smallest amount you owe first [aggressively] - Let's say you have a $60 parking ticket, a credit card you owe $400 on, and three student loans that are currently at $6,000 & $7,000 & $10,000. Forget the student loans right now, you've got them on autopay for the smallest amount you can get away with. First, pay off that $60 parking ticket with your next pay check before it becomes a $200 ticket and a court appearance. Now you can focus on the paying off the $400 aggressively. Your minimum payments will still go off, but every time you get a paycheck, long on and pay an additional amount to the credit card (something you can manage and will also feel good to your brain - $50 feels good when you're thinking of your debit in hundreds for example). Once you've got that paid off, now you can aggressively pay off your $6,000. Don't worry about the other two. Just focus on the smallest amount you owe. Each paycheck, payoff a chunk of your smallest debt. It'll get exciting after awhile, like yes I get paid I can make that credit card even smaller. Gamify it, whatever.

Stop worrying about how long it will all take - Only worry about the smallest amount of debt you owe and how (reasonably) fast you can get that paid off. That $400 credit card, if you can spare $100 each pay check - that's only 4 paychecks. That's not too long, right? That's the way to think of time and debt: how much can you spare each paycheck to pay off your lowest debt.

Ask for help - do not punish yourself by lying to your parents and friends. Tell your friends you can't do fancy dinners because you are paying off debt and can't afford it. Real friends will bring over a pizza to hang with you. Your parents might be willing to send you a check without you asking for it. Don't feel guilty about monetary gifts, just take it. Go to a bank and talk about their consolidation options. Bring a third party so you aren't dazzled by sales pitches. Consolidation loans aren't objectively good or bad, they can be a life saver if they have the right terms that work for you. Don't think it's over your head! Ask as many questions until you understand all your options.

Buy smart, stop suffering - this really should be like 4 different bullet points, but I'm going to be as concise as possible: you'll never get out of debt if you spend your money without purpose, and you'll never get out under the yoke of anxiety that you fucked up if you just squirrel your money away in fear. A lot of people will give you advice that you need to put yourself on a tight, punishing budget. Maybe, but I think those are doomed to fail for most people. And now you feel twice as bad. Don't do that to yourself. Learning the value of $10 is important. So it learning the value of $100, or $1,000. And the best way to learn is to practice buying and using your money - there's a cheap $1,000 and an expensive $10, and you have to learn how much value you are getting out of these amounts for these purchases. If you punish yourself all week, and then allow yourself a "little treat" on Sunday - that doesn't feel worthwhile to me. Those little treats will grow every day. Soon you're stopping at Starbucks every day for "just $10" and your Sunday treat has become a weekly blow out brunch with friends and then week to week you're scrounging to eat Top Ramen and lamenting your dreams are dying. Instead, save money by spending money on things worthwhile that make you budget for them. Go sign up for those yoga classes you want, go sign up for those guitar lessons you want, go sign up for those art lessons you want, whatever it is. Whatever brings value to your life. Your $70 a week yoga membership can now be valued against your $70 week at Starbucks, and as your pockets pinch one hopes you'll choose the yoga over the Starbucks because one hopes that the yoga is serving you better. Or maybe yoga is ass and you want to spend it on Starbucks, at least now you know. Though I recommend your local coffee shop, as Starbucks is a union busting piece of shit corporation :)

[starry622]

Emergency Commissions!

yes hello, it is i, the dog whos been ebegging for money. unfortunately i need more money, because i cannot for the life of me get anywhere to hire me and therefore i cant afford the cost of living! if its any motivation, im a gay, physically and mentally disabled trans man who hasnt been able to eat much of anything for two weeks.

currently, im putting my full bodies at a discount from $40+ down to $25 max. any other kind of piece also has a discount, but im focusing on full bodys, since thats what i draw the most. waist ups are $15 max and busts are $10 max.

my specialties are in humans and humanoids, though i can also do furry art! im new to it, but its fun and makes good practice, though it may take me longer to complete. i also really love character designing, so if thats your jam, please consider me! as you can see, proper backgrounds are my mortal enemy, but for an extra $5-$10 (depending on complexity) you can have yourself a background!

if given permission, i would like to post the pieces i make for you, and can tag you in the post. i would also like to add them here as examples if you would permit it.

i can only take payment through cashapp (which you can also donate to, $Starry622)

fullbody example(s) (click for better quality):

(this last one is a commission i did for @toxifoxx xe are Very Cool and this is his william afton design ^^)

waist up example:

bust example:

i can also paint (digitally, of course)!! but it kills me inside, so its $30+ based on detail and background. the more basic the scene, the quicker itll be done, but paintings take me much longer than my usual style (MUST HAVE REFERENCE FOR PAINTINGS)

painting example:

[theosconfessions]

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here:)

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here :)

@ohsosims

theo- well at least you have a job, i guess.

blake- mr kline? can i help you find something or ?

theo-mmm actually no. just here to talk.

blake- talk?

theo- yeah talk. you have a minute or ?

blake- not really?? im sorry did i do something wrong or?

theo- not yet. at least i dont think. riv told me about you two.

blake- oh. oh.

theo- and with that being said im well aware of your..hobbies

blake- sir? i mean i play football?

theo- thats not what i mean and you know that. you KNOW exactly what im talking about here.

blake- i mean i guess.

theo- you have any kids, blake?

blake- im? im sorry where is this going?

theo- do you have any kids, blake. that you know about?

blake- [blinks] um is this a question river wanted to know more about or are you just being nosey?

theo- watch your mouth

blake-right sorry. i have a daughter. but river knew that. long before we ever did anything. i wasnt hiding anything from him.

theo- and you still involved with the mother at all?

blake- she lives across the country,no. it was young,dumb, love . not that i regret my daughter but its not idea. the situation. not great. work here for child support payments. see my daughter in the summer.

theo- and how does that happen? mother flies out here with her or?

blake- no my parents go above and beyond . go get her.

theo- you dont?

blake- better that way. we dont mix well anymore.

theo- whys that?

blake- because i slept with her friend.

theo- i see. ive done that

blake- im aware. seen your seasons.

theo- right.

blake- mr kline is there a reason why youre asking me all of this?

theo- you have any more kids rivers not aware of ? any chance you think you could not be aware of them yourself?

blake- um no? im pretty careful.

theo- you use protection with them?

blake- some of them.

theo- you use protection with river?

blake- no

theo- then youre not pretty careful. youre careless. i cheated on myhusband fifteen years ago and ended up bringing back something that coudlve fucked his life up. luckily it only got me.

blake- oh.

theo- blake, listen. river lieks you. i think he takes after his dad too much but hey. i can only control him so much,right? warn him so much. hes going to fuck up regardless.

blake- and you think im the fuck up?

theo- i think you have a potential to be a big mistake he makes yeah.

blake- wow. i like river,sir. a lot. always have

theo- i get that. thats just words, kid. i mean this shit ..its like looking at my younger self just a little bit more of a pussy.

blake- whoa.

theo- just saying if you have any intention on being serious with my son you better show him actions, kid. because i swear to GOD if he comes home and he tells me his boyfriend got some bitch pregnant..

blake- yessir. i wont. i really do like him

theo- k good. love this song.

blake- um?

[is-on-its-way]

my problem with iwtb... I think?

Okay Im not sure Im eloquent enough to meta my feelings on this topic, I also havent seen enough past season 8s finale to really have perfect opinions on this, but from the clips I see on here and reddit etc. I have issues I need to work out…  

There is something about the characterisation of Mulder in IWTB that really annoys me. And please correct me if Im wrong on his motivations. Usually my protest is the mistreatment of Scully. But in this case I think theres a certain mistreatment of Mulder’s character that really irks the shit out of me. 

Firstly Mulder comes off as Tom Brady in this movie. So single minded and stuck in his ways he couldn’t possibly figure out how to live his life without the one thing that he thinks makes him successful or that he lives for. Two things... its the wrong obsession (more on that in a moment) and this is the opposite of where his character has been hurtling since he met Scully so as written it makes no sense.

The thing mulder was obsessed with and searching for since he was 13 years old was solved. He got his answer when he found out what happened to his sister. He was freed from his lifelong quest. He even was ready to give the agent thing up in the s7 finale, telling Scully the price had been too high and she needed to stop. Meaning he would also be stopping, bc he never wanted to do it without her. Sure he wanted to keep fighting in 8 to protect his baby, but they got rid of the baby atp, so Im not gonna get into that rn.

Turning him into the FBI agent ghost of Tom Brady was… a choice. Throwing away the love of his life, the one who believed him, the one who listened and supported him and loved him back endlessly for what? To help the organisation that tried to murder him? No. I just dont really believe it at all, because it's just not believable. 

Secondly, would he maybe have a midlife crisis? Sure. Would he be lost or depressed? I could absolutely see it, they lost a child found out the aliens were taking over earth. Would Scully commit him rather than leave him alone in that house? For sure. And it would’ve apparently been the culmination of the plot line Morgan and Wong had worked towards since the beginning... 

Realistically, he might've been lost for a while with the end of the quest for his sister. I get it, you work your entire life for something and its always just within reach and when you finally accomplish it, you think well what now? You’d thought, you’d held onto the fact that when you got to the top of the mountain you would feel happy and accomplished and relieved. But when you turn around at the summit from the horizon of the breadth of your work, youre met with yet another peak ahead. Some other goal, some other thing that occupies your mind because thats what your mind is used to.

You’re just going to have a really hard time convincing me for Mulder it was searching for proof of Aliens in random magazines, (when he knows there are aliens and they have invasion plans) instead of preventing the 2012 thing, publishing actual papers under his Luder pseudonym, and making sure Scully knew how much he loved her as his family had never done for him, making sure he made Samantha proud and lived the life she missed once he let her memory rest. 

Thirdly he is intelligent, a psych major with alien superpowers, who graduated from Oxford. Would he be bumbling around making paranormal magazine collages a la Charlie Kelly when he ALREADY knows the endgame? Would he be dealing with random cases and helping the FBI who betrayed him and put him on death row?

Or would he be using Marita Covarrubias and his apparent new power to speak to the dead to try and stop the invasion by any means necessary? Would he be combing over Maritas paperwork, medical records, UN contacts, payment histories to find, like all those bees in Tunisia for example? Would he not be having Scully research this magnetite thing and getting papers written about its properties so that when the hybrids make themselves known there would be literature for people to find? or engineering an anti bee-virus virus? (damn those effing bees btw) Would he not be using every power of his beautiful mind to continue fighting in any way he could, fully of the reservation? 

And could Scully then rightly say don’t bring that darkness into our home? Because my answer would be no. Even if she did go back to being a medical doctor (Im going to ignore the surgeon part because its out of character and would take her redoing residency etc. lets labor under the impression she’s a family doctor or ER doctor). They were right about one thing, the darkness follows them, and would still even if they both stopped looking. Thats the show after all.

Would she maybe have wanted a vacation where he could row her to a deserted island in the adirondacks? Sure. Would she be okay with letting an alien invasion happen in 2012 and saying to Mulder stop fighting? No. When one of them quits the other supports and encourages them back to the mission. Thats the show. If anything Scully having the breakdown about that darkness would’ve made more sense.

Anyway my point being, the transition from Mulder fighting for the big picture to him being a sad shell of himself in his hoarder office, telling Scully they weren't meant to be together is... jarring to say the least, and nonsensical. 😔

[marksbear]

Hello mr.bear, pardon my intrusion

I've been thinking about what to request from you, and I finally though about something. Are threesome fine with you mr.bear?

If you don't mind, will you write the boys smut about male reader railing deep on reader bed, and reader surprised deep with inviting ben on their fun. Reader tell ben to fuck deep and then proceed to double deep hole. After done with deep, ben ask for his payment by presenting his prep hole to male reader.

#I hope you don't mind me calling you mr.bear 🐾, thank you for making all the story mr.bear

Hello fine sir! I AM HAPPY to write this request! And I don't mind being called Mr.bear its quite cute actually Mr anon.

WARNINGS- HEAVILY DETAILED SMUT, SWEARING, Overstimulating,threesome, floor sex,wall sex, chocking. Cigarette after sex

THE DEEP, SOLDIER BOY X MALE READER.

The deep and Y/n had been at it for hours. In numerous different positions some that are unthinkable. The reason why is simple. The two of you just had the best mission of yall's career and already got rewarded for it. But deep had come to you for a more personal award.

The deep took you to his house and once you'd walk in he was already over you. Kissing and running his hands all over your hero costume guiding you into his bedroom.

All of that leads into what y'all are doing now. Your hand on his neck with a deadly grip and your other hand holding the right leg still over your shoulder. Drilling your cock in his hole going balls deep to the point that's a bulge in the deep stomach. As for Kevin hes a moaning ,crying mess. Screaming words and sentences that don't even sound human. "Ohh-mfuck! Y/nn imma imma going to cum again." Kevin screams out. He came a total of four now and about to shoot his fiifth load of the night. Deeps moans out a painful scream as he reaches his peak cumming on to the sheets again. His ass becomes numb and his legs are weak.

Y/n fucks the deep not caring that the deep came again just hunting his own orgasm not caring about the pain man under him is feeling. Y/n slows down his thrust but still hard enough that it reaches the deep stomach. "Fucking take it deep. Take all of my fucking cum like the toy you are." Y/n cums deep into the deep and goes back into fucking faster riding out his orgasm. The deep whines and begs Y/n to slow down and have mercy on him. But y/n ignores him and goes back into another round.

Y/n seems to be in a trance only focusing on himself and the deep for any signs of their safe action. The action is a hand signal it's the three finger sign and it tells the other to do something else to them cause maybe they don't wanna do that but they can still do other activities. The fifth one is to stop automatically and take care of the other and just cuddle or watch a movie. One is that they're alright with this and wanna go further.

The deep signals Y/n a one and Y/n flips the deep into doggy style fucking him in a slow and gentle pace so the deep can beg.

"Hey sissy's! Im here." The voice alerts Y/n and stops fucking the deep to turn around and see whos here. "Ben? Why are you here old man." Y/n pulls out of the deep turning around covering his cock. The deep whines at the loss of pleasure. And starts to grind onto the bed. Eagerly trying to cum. "Your boy toy invited me." Y/n gives him a really look and turns around to Kevin and asks him if it's true. The deep moans out a yes trying to get back into fucking wiggling his ass in the air. "Well if thats the case take your clothes off and get fuckin ready." Y/n says to ben and walks back over to the deep and sitting back on the bed. Once ben does what he told he goes back to y/n kissing him deeply. The two make out for a while until the deep whines and says that yall is supposed to be fucking him. Y/n lets out a laugh and turns back around facing Kevin. "Ben fuck him. I'll watch for a bit then join in." Ben doesn't need to be told twice already sliding his cock in the deep. The deep claws onto Ben's back moaning and crying out lewd words. Once Y/n had enough watching he sits besides ben telling him to stop moving for a sec. Y/n slamming his cock in the deep without warning. "OHHH FUCK!" The deep shouts and his body including his gills shaking. "Number Kev" Y/n asks. The deeps uses all of his strength showing a number one. "Okay lets fuck the shit out him old man!" Y/n turn his head and smile at Ben whos already slowing fucking him. Y/n thrust is fast and thinking about himself and Kevin's pleasure and Ben's are slow and rough only focusing on his own pleasure. It had been an hour of deep taking the two cocks and came like six more times. The deep can barely keep his eyes open and his body gave up trying to hold himself up. Y/n and Ben agreed on cumming together. And once they finally did the deep was in heaven. Crying out in pain and pleasure of finally feeling more full than he was already. The two pull out and watch the deep body flops onto the bed tired and on the verge of passing out.

"Now where's my pay?" Ben asked while laying down with his legs open and hole in display. Y/n climbs in between his legs kissing and sucking Ben's neck while sliding his cock in his friends hole. "M-fuck Ben so t-tight and wet." Y/n says resting his head on Ben's own rubbing their noses together like some animal. "Cmon h/n fuck me." Without hesitating Y/n fucks ben in a fast rough place and manhandling him a bit more than what he usually does with deep. The two throwing insults at one another and beating on the other. Just for it can lead to a make-out. Y/n hooks his arms under Ben's leg picking him up with ease and fucking him into a wall. They stay in that position for a while until Ben becomes difficult and makes him and Y/n fall to the ground. Ben quickly gets a top of y/n riding his cock bouncing up and down at a animistic pace. Y/n grips onto Ben's hips and thrust his hips to meet Ben halfway every time. Y/n and Ben cum at the same time with Ben cumming all over y/n body and makes a mess on him. Y/n cums into Ben's ass deep enough if he was a female he'll get pregnant. Ben's body collapsed against Y/n riding out his orgasm breathing heavy. Y/n picks him up and carries him and places Ben next to the sleeping Kevin and tells him to go asleep.

Y/n looks for some clean underwear and slides it on and takes a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and walks outside to the balcony and lights his cigarette looking at the stars.                                               THE END

Now bears that were the craziest and sexiest thing I ever wrote. I love you all and hope you liked this. Stay safe bears

-love Mr bear

[forest-is-sleepy]

Im opening up commissions and general purchase stuff. Both for my sewing and for 2d art.

I'll get info sheets made and stuff, but for now I have a list of what everything is, and have tried to provide photos for most stuff.

Here is my portfolio website as well.

http://sleepydesigns.co/

Dm me if you're interested, and we can discuss. I'll remake this post when i get better assets made. I'll take payment on paypal or cashapp. I also have venmo.

Here's a list of some of the stuff i make

Sewing

I make custom dice bags, those are 12-16 depending on the fabric and any add-ons. (Example: mine is embroidered, another has pearls and buttons on it) embroidery can be done but will cost more.

Scrunchies/hair ties. Most of them are cotton, but i make velvet and silk ones. Cotton is 3, velvet and silk are 4. You get a dollar off if you buy 2.

Customizable stuffed animals. You can pick the color, pattern, whatever. on these dolls, and they are made to order. The animals i have are a large dinosaur, large dragon, turtle, rabbit, dragon, and elephant. ( i think thats everything.) These all come with the date it was completed on its paw, so you know how old your new friend is.

Bumblebees!! These are little 7$ plushies that can sit on your desk or sleep with you, each one has a unique patten on its wing. It also comes with the date it was completed, so you know how old your new friend is.

Custom humanoid dolls. This can be from a photo of you or a loved one. Or you can send me art of your character. These are incredibly complex, detailed dolls, and i will work closely with you to make the doll. It's a long process that takes me several hours. As a result, these are at least $200. I only take one or two commissions for these a month at the moment.

I can take other commissions but we will have to discuss that.

Stickers

Potions. Each potion is completely unique. Each painted by me using India Inks. These paper stickers are in 3 different sizes. Small is 3, medium is 4, and large is 5. You can tell me what color you want, and if its not available in the size you want, i can likely make it.

Holographic spider's hat shop. This is a large vinyl Holographic sticker of a jumping spider wearing a water droplet hat, selling other tiny things for others to wear as hats. This sticker is $4. If i have any in may, there's mini paper ones for $2

Milkshake pride stickers. These are paper stickers meant to be semi-subtle pride flags. I have the following flags, and can add more. Lesbian, omni, bi, ace and aro, demisexual, demiromantic, pan, rainbow, nonbinary, trans, and intersex. These are $2 each. I also have a tiny sticker set of all of them for the same price.

Fairy. This fairy sticker is a paper sticker of a fairy holding a mushroom as an umbrella. It is $2

Frog with a tophat. This is a paper sticker of a cute little frog with a tophat. He's rather dapper. $2

Fox leaping. This is a paper sticker of a red fox. It is also $2

Red mushroom this paper sticker will not be remade, i have a few left. It's a cartoony red mushroom in some grass. It's $1.50

? Block i dont think i can really say what brand this is based on. It's a paper sticker. $1.50

Art commissions

It is probably worth mentioning that i have a BFA, so that does affect my pricing slightly (on my illustrative work)

I am flexible in style, and can do a fair number of stylized things. No realism.

$20 for a base sketch

$30 for basic shading

$45 for full shading/the works

Each character after that will be half the price.

A background will be $5-10 depending on how detailed it is. By default you get a plain background

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

Hi, this is gona be a long ass post and im on mobile, so hang with me.

first, ill cut right to the chase

Im currently unemployed and need money to exist in this capitalist hellscape.

so, since thats my current predicament, ill be taking commissions!

here are some examples of things ive done and my prices

ill take payment through paypal, though im willing to work with other payment options as well!

The body prices are per-character, the other prices are per-piece (example: a flat colored sketch of two headshots would be 12$, 5 per character head, and 2 for the color), and im able to do lineart or lineless - though i dont have any good examples at the moment with lineart - and the prices will only vary if the design is super complex or hard to do, and theyre able to be changed a bit to work with your budget

I will draw

anything for your blog! (example: the pokemon images above, a header, an icon, etc!)

gore! (dm me if you want to see examples)

full scenes (with backgrounds and all!)

characters from pre-existing media (scp, homestuck, pokemon, etc!)

ocs, adopts, ideas, you name it! human, furry, and any other is alright with me.

plain background scenes with no characters in them are things i can do too!

minor nudity

things i Wont draw

hate speech

sexually explicit scenes (due to a lack of practice)

transphobia/racism/n*zi imagery, general nastiness like that

im also willing to design characters for you, and i can provide prices and examples of designs ive made upon request.

please dm me here or on discord @ [CC&CC]#8992 to contact me about any of this!

thank you for reading this far! ill also be reblogging this to my side accounts to try and get a few more eyes on this.

below is a little bit of info about me so you can decide if you want to Give Me Your Money or not ^^

im a genderqueer and overall queer trans man whose just moved out from my parents home and am living with my best friend of nearly 10 years. ive got a snake, salamander, and two bug colonies, i love pretty much all animals, and am an amateur songwriter/musician! im disabled in multiple ways (but that just makes me cooler 😎) and i deal with some pretty prominent mental issues which make being regular to a job without my health getting in the way pretty difficult. also part of a did system, which is. So Cool and Epic

im looking for a proper job, but its not been going too well for me thusfar, largely because places ive applied have found more fitting people to fill the roles. and thats ok! i just need some way to make money in order to buy groceries and Supplies for My Boys and generally. live, lol! i also want to take some burden off of my roomates shoulders, considering hes been doing wonders to help support me, but im not really able to provide much in return. job places are also a bit hesitant to hire me considering my aforementioned health issues.

anyway, sorry for the rambling and thank you for reading this far! i hope you can consider supporting me, but if not maybe a quick reblog to spread this around would be great! thank you so very much and have a wonderful day!!

[taylorthegiant]

its like. a lot of the reasons i havent made as much progress on my transition as i would like to have done by now is because this is something that i need help with. i need support! and i asked for it from my family because i have no local friends and especially no local lgbt friends who might actually have recommendations on where to go to get treatment. and that ask for help (which was VERY difficult for me to do in the first place because i have the reputation of not being difficult and raising myself in my family) and i was met with two weeks of silence from my parents followed by a conversation i basically had to force them to have where they concluded that the only reason i had said i was trans was because i been brainwashed by tumblr (even though throughout puberty i went back and forth between display non gender normative behavior and overcompensating femininity in order to avoid rejection by my peers and family). and then met with “you should wait until after youre twenty five before you do anything” by my sister. so complete rejection from my parents and an indication that she thinks its a phase from my sister

and its like i hadnt been this hurt by my family since my dad told me i was possessed by a demon when i was having a panic attack! something he never apologized for doing until i dragged that out of him during the same conversation he told me i was brainwashed in!

and its like leading up to that we’ve got being ousted from my seven year long friend group when i was twelve (at a school where my grade size hadnt been more than twenty people since i was five). not being able to handle interacting with my neighbor friends after their dad died (that one is on me but it added to the isolation). the guy i considered my best friend saying he only saw me as entertainment (which was my role in the seven year long friend group so i dropped him to protect myself) which happened the same year i had my first serious relationship that ended in a not so nice way. then being called possessed by a demon by my dad. then finally making some new local friends via the internet but they ended up moving several states away (im not blaming them it was definitely something they needed to do to improve their lives it just. sucked from my perspective). getting my masculinity blamed for a fuck up instead of my general relationship inexperience (adding to the general feeling of my identity not being welcome in the circles i was in leading to more isolation)

and its like yeah ive been doing better at having online friends and im so grateful for every one of you but it really isnt the same as having a local network of support. i wish that it was and that it was able to fulfill those needs because i do love y’all dearly and care about you but god i need some people to hang out with that arent related to me so i don’t have to keep being in this house. and i had finally built up the confidence and determination to do so but my timing fucking sucked because it was in february 2020 and well. the fucking pandemic happened and now i don’t have a car that can do more than a sixty mile round trip and thats pushing it because i had to give my dad my car so he could go to work because his busted and my parents couldnt afford a car payment and ive been stuck with my brother’s shitty electric car which adds to the feeling or being trapped and isolated 💔

and like i was finally able to visit my closest distance online friend and i immediately tested positive for covid when i came back and its like great. negative reinforcement

[bossbutch]

umineko- between ch7 & 8

tw for sexual assault in this one again. long post. let's get Political! i wasn't aware umineko is 55 dollars on steam. i know its a lot of words and they've got music and voice acting and two sets of art but, thats a lot of fucking money for a fiction book. the steam release doesn't even include the side stories.

umineko has a lot of dubiously canon side content released at conventions and promos and such, and of course bundled in japanese Special Edition rereleases. the LP im reading puts all the side stories at the end (all the question arc ones together and all the answer arc ones together) even when they're set and released between episodes. i think they're all fan translated? in the question arcs, the side stories were pretty superfluous but still fun. there was a little interview with gohda, and a silly story about valentines day and white day so i read some of them now and. man.

there's one, "game master battler", set when he's preparing episode 6. the characters react to an out of universe character popularity poll and they're all asking battler to give them a good part in ep 6 so they become more popular. which is a fine premise, its very muppet show, and the same silly tone the valentines day story had. you can guess the conclusion of course, battler asks everyone for ridiculous favors but then he cant possibly make a story that highlights everyone at once. but like. when he asks for favors, he asks All of his aunts for sex acts. (as payment for both them And Their Families getting better parts.) and the seven sisters have to massage him or they wont be included at all. and six of them hold lucifer down while he assaults her. he doesn't explicitly rape her but the metaphor is clear. and like. what the hell!

when he perved on jessica it was one thing. he wasn't God Of The Setting at the time for starters. and yeah the seven sisters murdered him repeatedly in eroticized ways, but they're evil demons that were acting as extensions of beato. the idea that battler Would be a rapist or coerce people into sex if given the power is. not funny obviously, not matching the lighthearted tone they're going for, and most unfortunately, in character??? he's a rich boy who comes from a family where abuse and punching down are the rule, who grabs women's breasts so much it's a move in the fighting game. they make a lot of parallels between kinzo and battler and i guess Rapist is one of them. which is a Real Bummer! he's the protagonist! i think. they might decide in ep 8 that ange is the protagonist. i Want To Like Him and the titty grabbing previously had his Weird Maladjusted Logic that was so ridiculous it kinda softened the blow, and the erotic violence performed On him has the caveat of, in a non fantasy perspective all that happened in his imagination, and in a fantasy perspective its being done by Bad People

you could say "oh its just a side story its not canon" but like. everyone acts roughly in character, in an exaggerated comical way not unlike the valentine's day story. sure this event can be understood to "not really have happened" but it still says something About battler's character. the very next side story expands on ange's motives, it says that bernie made ange promise not to love or trust eva, and their Beef was entirely because of that. that's tragic and realistic (in an understanding where bernie isnt Real, she can represent a part of ange that blames eva using mystery-logic) and goes together with the ep 7 ending in a really nice way. i haven't had a place to talk about the Politics of umineko. kinzo and bici's connections to fascism aren't really remarked on by anyone else, but kinzo isn't really portrayed sympathetically. like he talks about how the main family didn't really believe in him and he went to war to die, but this is shown after six long chapters of him being pathetic and abusing Every Other Character. and he was already married with kids when he met bici... and the adults follow from him, right. like him abusing his kids is echoed throughout the family, yknow cycles of abuse. and someone like rosa is not /excused/ for abusing her kid, but we are still shown the circumstances that allow her to do it. so umineko is "anti family" if you want to be extremely reductive and that's so rare in Popular Media. umineko isn't really anti capitalist, but you could make an anticapitalist reading of it. like kinzo is a shithead and his treatment of workers is presented as Bad but this isn't shown as a systemic thing. well kyrie's family is also kinda awful. but like worlds where kinzo Isn't a shithead are happy healthy places. theres a lot of show of Ranks and Bureaucracy in Magic Land but its mostly like, flavor, nothing really comes of it. at least from my reading. another one of the side stories shows one of diana's minions being a hardass about The Law when she joins the magic cops. and trying to get the other cops to practice Law And Order by not drinking or smoking or going to the halloween party, and never using vernacular, which all goes poorly for her and its funny. its not deep social commentary or anything its kinda dilbert level. all that said... umineko Is, more than anything else, unambiguously pro autism!

[auto-pause-me]

So, here's a thing, and it's very important. Autists: think and process our thoughts slower than others. The peri/menopause can cause brain fog, where, oh yes, thoughts and processing are slower.

So the two together can make navigating the world in which we live in super stressful. I mean, not that it's not stressful as either. I don't want to devalue any other experiences. But I do want to emphasise that a combo of the two is a thing!

I had a situation recently where I was navigating the ways of queueing (shit, there's a lot of vowels in a row in that word!). The challenges I face with queueing really comes when it's at a bar, or a market stall, or any other place where the que isn't just a nice ordered line of people. This actually happens quite frequently!

As an autist, its goes something like this: [and excuse the loooooong sentence, im trying to get across the noise in my head while doing an everyday thing]

I'm looking for who looks like they are queueing, and who isn't, who was there before be so I can let them go first, while trying to do the other stuff, such as remembering what and where my payment is, how I'm going to cope with my bad coordination while packing my stuff and paying and chatting to my server, which means looks for a space for my bag and the stuff I'm packing, while being security conscious of my belongings and not getting in the way of others, and practice in my head how I'm going to ask for what I want , but I need to take my headphones off so i can hear what is being said to me, but then that means I'm going to get a flood of audio processing to manage, and I've got to keep a track of my headphones too now and....

So my thoughts are exhausting, and I think many other autistic people would agree.

The approaching menopause brain fog makes this slower still, and frustrating because its taking longer to decode the queue cues, I'm having work harder at being organised and my coping strategies aren't quite as smooth as they have been, and I feel like my reaponses to others movements and conversations are labourious, and it's even harder for the words in my brain to match up with the words that come out of my mouth. And you know, the sunflower lanyard is clearly just a fashion accessory, not an indication of how fucking difficult some shit can be.

Anyway, even though I thought I had done the right thing here, I still got a telling off for being in the wrong place. The fight, flight or freeze response kicked in [which is most likely a cptsd thing, but still relevant!] and thats usually a freeze for me while i asses the situation. While I'm aware of it, my brain just won't work fast enough to make a decision and I can feel being stared at, adding to the pressure, and at this point any reaction is going to make me look like a Karen having a hissy fit.

So I speed it back home, and have a crying meltdown on my own. Joy(!)

[strwbrryeyes]

𖦹°｡⋆ late night convenience store run

⟡ cw: slight bickering, mentions of stress eating kind of?, college aged, bad writing, lmk if i forgot anything else :)

⟡ a/n: i had a dream i went to the convenience store. short story that's messy but im busy getting ready to go back to university tomorrow. the writing will be so much better when everything is settles trust. i'll also probably rewrite this later so it sounds better :)

"do we really have to be here? its the middle of the night!" your tall blonde boyfriend, tsukishima kei, exclaims slightly annoyed.

"yes we do! i need more snacks to survive the rest of the night!" whining back at him you pull him by the sleeve and into the store.

right now, you two were at the convenience store down the street from your shared apartment. why you ask? because you ran out of gummy bears.

normally, you would wait until the day time to go out and buy more but you were pulling an all nighter with kei to study for your upcoming midterms. kei didn't really need to study, he learns things quickly and easily. meanwhile, you don't. you procrastinate a lot of the things you need to get done and tend to "forget" to study. so when you told kei that you were going to pull this all nighter, he insisted he would do with you because lord knows you would not study and instead spend the entire night watching random youtube videos.

with another groan he gives in and starts looking through the shelves with you.

"you had plenty of snacks in the pantry last i checked though." he side eyes you causing you to let out a huff.

"not any that im craving right now!" you protest while picking out your favorite brand of gummy bears and putting it in the basket that kei was holding.

"all youre craving right now is candy and energy drinks. you're gonna kill your body like that." he states as he recalls the mountain of candy wrappers and the two empty monster cans on your living room floor.

"so i have a sweet tooth! sue me!" you say as you gather even more assortments of candy. you know he's right, that this is unhealthy but whenever you're stressed you tend to eat a lot of one thing to distract yourself. as for the energy drinks, you just need to stay awake.

kei lets out another sigh as he follows you around the store as you get a few more things. as you're staring at the drink section trying to find your favorite flavor of monster, he looks to his side and stares at something.

"dang it! they don't have the flavor i wa-" you cut yourself off as you see your boyfriend staring into space. well not into space, he's staring at the strawberry shortcake. thats placed on a little stand with other types of cake. it isn't the best tasting strawberry shortcake by any means, this is a corner store after all but for some reason tsukishima kei was in love with this cake.

"now whos the one with the sweet tooth?" you giggle as you look at him staring at it with a need in his eyes and you drag him over to the stand and grab two containers, each having a singular slice of the cake.

"shut up..." he murmurs with fake annoyance but you can see the blush creep up on his face. "are we done yet?" he asks and you nod.

"yeah! lets go up to the checkout counter!" you say and then you both walk up to the cashier.

as the cashier scans every item, it starts to set in just how many things you bought and you internally cringe when you see the price go up on the price monitor.

"that'll be $34.95 please!" the cashier reads out the total amount you have to pay and your mouth drops wide open but all you hear is kei snickering as he pulls out his wallet to hand the cashier the payment.

after he gets his change you both say thank you and goodnight to the cashier and walk out the store.

"we were only supposed to go for more gummy bears how did you end up buying 40 dollars worth of things?" he teases you causing you to punch his arm.

"shut up..." you whisper embarrassed and he just pulls you to his side as you both walk back to your apartments.

"i love you" he kindly says and kisses the top of your head.

"i love you too, kei" you respond blushing as you enter your apartment and sit down to eat the strawberry shortcake before getting back to studying.

[p-t-f-s]

forgot it was possible to see sideblog notifs and im. surprised they have followers but then again so does this blog lmaooooooo. i should make vents again. i miss that. no time like the present.

fuck i need to work on my project thats past due and due tonight and if not turned in would drop me to a C but god. i hate this class and dont wanna but im already on my second retake and this time it was genuinely so much fuckin easier. even if the exact same professor bc shes the only one teaching this class did even worse with scheduling and assignment access this semester. and i genuinely have not been this suicidal since fuckin high and middle school. two different points in each. most bc of my middle school insomnia and All That That happened but my high school wasnt much worse considering i was working part time to full time my senior year of high school while also getting my associate's as my mom was kicking me out/to live with my dad in the near the end of the school year bc of me turning 18 and her being "free" of her legal duties to me [she was not bc by our law that SHE AS A FUCKING FEDERAL JUDGE KNEW was till the child of dicerce is 18 and GRADUATED HS DIPLOMA] she was finally free to move to the opposite side of the country/the political problems and backlash of challenging the baked in theosociological power structure of our city. my birthday was march and graduation was june. literal months and she couldnt wait that fuckin long. and so for the months leading up to my birthday and after i had been living out of my car which both my dad bought for me as an agreement between him and my mom as the end of his child support payments to her and so i wouldnt take the public bus after my mom forgot we had to lie to him that i was being driven to school so he would let me get my college degree bc i had to be at community college at 16 in a Large Dangerous City on the Worst Side Of Town. that shit sucked. i was Stressed and goddamn does it suck being an adult living under your own power and money, no matter how feeble, to know that even when situations are technically objectively better you can still be hella fuckin depressed. and fucking obsessive intrusive thoughts do NOT help but fuck do i wish i had the time to call for help to be able to see a fucking doctor for the first time in my life. like an actual full general doctor and getting an actual checkup and not just a walgreens sick note/athletic packet check. only having ever gone after socially pressuring ur dad by asking his gf for advice while hes halfway done in the bathroom so the conversations still going as he exits so SHE can hound on him instead of being brushed off as an anxious teenage girl bc "whats a doctor going to do?" when asked to go to the er. whos insurance ur on bc you asked him months ago while working on moving in and you couldnt go alone without ur guardian but youd been unable to hear from one ear for months after multiple home/self remedy attempts to clear wax blockage assumption. or my mother coming to visit curious as to why i still have acne after turning 18 bc you shouldnt have acne past 18 and making a dermatologist appointment she paid for to help but having previously told me that she didnt believe in getting sick bc she hadnt gotten sick for years.

and now i have about an hour left to work on a partial coding project bc now IT management is apparently the job of accounting now. i get rationally why theyre doing it and why its important but its fucking stupid and i hate it and again its fucking stupid. anyways. heres to hoping that it goes alright ig but fucking kill me and i hate everything but i swear to fuck if i dont get my bachelors next year im going to lose my shit

[the-firebird69]

Glass Animals - Heat Waves (Official Video)

he uses his products yes a gorrilla wagon works ok. and wieghty stuff. now this is a simbol and evil to us and tohers.  we hit him nnow.  and he is a prick all day all ngiht wont do the job no will to threaten. they are out shortly. dead.  and he wont stop they all wont.  but he is worse needs it and wont stop is a tard and does not see it. wont.  now he is done for.  tonight he goe to this location.  and they braodcst it.  and he dances and says it  i am a dead man they all say it and him due to it prob cnt stop. hates me and my actions.  and im squcshed cant stop it.  wont. nope.  and then this i die yooudie to our son nothanks loser you  die now.  and he stop no no wont do an i cant say it and then this o ut now garth youfn fag.  i get it yoouneeed to die are spent.  and thats what it is.  fn fag and he lets out a  yell. no.  ad y eh fag.  go die working for me you louse traiter to yours.  he smiles and says ok that is it isnt it. yeh.  dumb.  

Zues Hera

mostly them an yes us too

Thor Freya

we see it this dummy think i cannot remember my satment and he is an animal. hate him. always have. a loser too. mostly a fag. we hit him for the car thing too.. and much much more. he has to go wont cut a check eve needs out. is gone too mostly. an tons say it they need to see us forget stuff. he is an awful p erson but deserves thisa nd yes a partial from hm you say an well ok i recalled it and told well yousay what it is and stuff wont recall this at all even when questioned  your spent garth and sister. gonzo. spent the night in the dumbpster ad as payment for la and the dumpster scenes. you had the girl do it you blow and are nthing dont do a thing allday are an ugly person too mean and nasty and useless. out shortly for real dead good.

Nuada Arrianna

it is close now garth to you. death. comes for you.  and yoru head too.  tons of it no what is left then out.  we planned it do it.  he helped knew it too. knows it.  your trash.  you go up and die. off planet nope not even. iceland and you dont belong there too cold.  got o you soon. a few moveis to help out then out. and yes warrants are on you and the ohters of your race here. tons nope. a few.  but you are houned when here. tons of times they call you on your phone to locate you. and the two saw it too. and more now.  twenty times an hour.  and pour in hit yours. soon out. your filth stole tons and hid with africans as protectointhey usted you and yoru doone you know it say it. we help get rid of you ok don t worry and you are a blaspheme losr. kept him poor too  for an ahole plan with no meaning.  nope your samuel l jackson.  dies iin star wars. and yeh in all your movies.  forest gumps bud dies.  and tons of times. dies ni predator heaad blown open. and no not your sister. she died earlier for real fully.  and in a different flick no. dies there. is skinned. and you saw her and freakedo ut seek the thing.  coming up.  and debrained.  and no not a person. ok. trump. and tons see it no. atches a head. well ok a mask.  and this is it you say...we say this he is mutated badly and it is true.  kills her takes  her brain out but it is stored.  whats left.  more ok.  dies on the walkway bja and you say no.  she fell into wter...true too.  in africa ok true story.  did die there.  and we know why. it is macs ok.

Gu Oya

Thor Freya

i heard this no no not there we used him for stuff and  i see it not those words no searious stuff ok

trump

Olympus

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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[raeathnos]

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