#the amount of good and bad things that we have done becomes equal

[martian-astro]

Marilyn Monroe's birth chart observation

when I first started studying Atmakaraka's, the very first thing that I thought was, "Marylin Monroe definitely had Saturn Atmakaraka" and today I finally got a chance to look at her birth chart and she has Saturn Atmakaraka in her 4th house, and her Saturn which is also her 7th lord is placed in the 6th house of her d9 or navamsa chart. She has her ascendant in ashlesha and her moon in dhanishta nakshatra and the way all of these things fit together is just so...incredibly fascinating to me but also sad because......I think if I write more, I'll start going into the philosophical aspects of life and the things going on inside my mind right now are just too difficult for me to put into words.

[atinylittlepain]

Chapter Four

no-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!oc

series masterlist

series playlist

warnings: 18+ violence, physical injury, but there will be hope

a/n: this is a heavy chapter, i am not going to lie. as always, i have done my best to treat this heavy content with respect and truthfulness. i am not out for shock and horror, but honesty, yes.

..........................................

The burdens that you carry now

Well they're not of your creation

So let's not weep for their evil deeds

But their lack of imagination

Sweetheart Come - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

...........................................

There’s no denying winter now. Fall is always fleeting, and by the end of November, there’s no calling it anything other than cold. Sarah didn’t come home for Thanksgiving this year, a new boyfriend with parents to meet and a promise for Christmas. A small hurt still, tempered by how he and Dolores spent the holiday. No turkey, no stuffing, no stir or stress to any of it. A meal shared, simple as that, like any other day. 

It’s been a slow gift, this new and unfurling closeness. Touch is always cautious, and quietly asked after. Every new okay, allowing for a bit more so that now, some things have become simple comfort instead of anxious and unknown. Like in the evenings, nothing even has to be said, already expected that they will settle down and around each other on the couch, and if she has grace to give, she’ll read aloud to him from whatever book she’s currently working through. Like in the mornings, sleep still making everything small and quiet, it isn’t uncommon for his hand to find the dip of her spine as they pass around each other in their shared routine, and it isn’t uncommon for her to lean into that touch, to pause in his palm. And around noon, whenever he stops into the diner, his hand will often catch hers when she slides his check across the counter, the slow sweep of his thumb over her knuckles. 

“I might be late picking you up today, gotta help John with all the end of the month paperwork. You okay hanging here a little after four?” He tries to ask it casually, but the truth is, he doesn’t feel very okay about it at all. And he has no business feeling that quick curl of worry in his throat all because of the smallest, stupidest deviation from their usual routine. 

“Of course. If it’s easier, Sal can drop me at the station after we close?” He isn’t sure which idea he likes less, her waiting around for him at the diner, or her coming anywhere near the station when she doesn’t have to. But closer to him always feels better these days, so he nods, a reluctant break of his hand from hers. 

The thing about all this closeness is that it has only made that meanness, that hate blossom in their separation. Sometimes all he can think about when she isn’t around, the things he would like to do to husband. She has told him more, quiet in the night, things that make his heart stutter and then clench like a fist, like a jaw snapping shut. And today, moving through the day, he works all the poison over in his mind until John asks him from across the office what he’s scowling about. Oh, nothing. Nothing that anyone else could ever know about.

“Well, you got the last of this under control? I gotta pick up the kids from the bus stop pretty soon here.” Joel nods, working his mouth around civil words, polite words, sighing the instant John closes the door to the station behind him. He isn’t sure if husband has called this month. John hasn’t mentioned it, and Joel doesn’t want to ask. And there’s no point in telling himself that he shouldn’t. Shouldn’t be in the slow spiral of whatever this is with her. Because he is, and all the good of her makes him forget about shouldn’t. But the reality remains. That there is a man in Nebraska who called her his wife. That there is a man in Nebraska that Joel has imagined violence upon. An equal and accounted amount of it. 

“Hello?” Sudden and startling, he nearly jumps in his chair at the sound of someone at the front desk. Not dressed in his uniform, but he’ll have to do, getting up and walking out to the front of the station.

“Hello, sir, how can I help you?” Just passing through, no doubt. Tall man, thin man, wiry and a little worn-looking. A strange time for him to be here, though. One of the extreme types, he figures, cross-country skier or the like. The kind that enjoy pain, probably looking for directions up into the mountains for a novel excursion.

“Are you Officer Davis?”

“No, he just stepped out. Did you speak to him over the phone or something?”

“Oh yeah, a couple of times. I tell you what though, he hasn’t been much help.” Yes, definitely a tourist, probably out from Denver, full of himself and full of shit. Wearing an expensive-looking flannel beneath a puffer jacket, Patagonia, and making some snit, some little tiff about something, calling John like that. 

“Well, what exactly are you needing help with?” 

“Are you a cop?” Said with a raised brow and a once-over, and Joel has to remind himself that yes, this is part of the job, grinding his teeth to hold back a grimace. 

“I’m Officer Miller, yes. Could you tell me what you talked with Officer Davis about so I can see about helping you?” 

“My wife, we talked about my wife.” A strange feeling. A sick feeling. Pinpricked vision and a hard rush in his ears. Not just passing through, not just a tourist, and not from Denver. Suddenly, he’s not sure how he imagined this man, even though he built him in his mind over and over, a piecemeal Frankenstein that’s full flesh and bone and body before him now. 

Smaller and slighter than he imagined. But aren’t all monsters much bigger in our brains? Easier to fight something that looks just as evil as its rotten core. But this is just a man wearing an expensive-looking flannel beneath a puffer jacket, Patagonia. A tired-looking man at that, drawn and dark circles under his eyes. A man that wears glasses. Men that wear glasses aren’t supposed to be the ones beating their wives. Give him someone with tattoos up and down his arms, someone with enough muscle for it to menace, someone with greasy, long hair and a sneered scowl. This man looks like he goes to work everyday from nine to five in a cubicle, this man looks like anyone else, this man looks like someone who would never be suspected, someone who would never be caught. And just like that, it starts to make sense to Joel. 

“Your wife?” His wife, who is going to be dropped off here any minute now.

“Yessir, I’m Charlie Wright? I’m sure you’ve heard about what happened back in June. There was a car, reported stolen around your parts and well–”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that. With all due respect,  I’m not sure why you’ve come all this way after five months. Wherever your wife has gone, I can assure you she ain’t here.” At least for a few more minutes, at least enough time for him to get this man far away. No time for fight, not with the fine line of risk he’s currently walking just by having this man in the station. 

“Are you sure of that, officer? Has there been any kind of a search effort for her? I’m sorry, if you could just empathize with me here. I’m only a man who’s trying to bring home his wife.” No, not now to that quick flood of fury threatening up his throat. He clenches his fists behind his back until it feels like the skin over his knuckles may split. 

“I’m sorry, but it’s like I said, after five months, I reckon your wife is long gone from anywhere around here.” Whatever the man says back to him, he doesn’t hear it, eyes flickering over his shoulder to movement in front of the station. 

And what comes next happens so slowly, so stupidly. 

Dolores no longer feels anxious around the station. After five months, a figuring that it’s fine, that there’s nothing to fear or fret over. So when Sal pulls up and drops her off, she is barely even considering the building, idly walking over to it as she reads the back of a book she picked up yesterday from the library, using her shoulder to open the door and step inside. 

“Lori?” 

The rest does not happen slowly. A flash, a bright burst of motion. Something that sounds like a curse, a garbled, grunted you fucking bitch. Her book drops to the ground, spine splayed and cracked open, all the pages getting smeared to the side in an unfortunate crumple. And Joel can’t move. Husband has his hands on her. And Joel can’t move. It’s like husband knew exactly how he was going to move the next time he saw her, fingers closing around her throat, cage and crush as he walks her back until the terrible length of his body is pinning her up against the wall. And Joel can’t move. But husband isn’t just out for fear, a method to the way he takes one hand and clamps it over her nose and mouth while the other stays wrapped around her throat. Husband is looking to take something from her that’s past the point of fear. And Joel can’t move. 

Husband is saying something to her, sneering something to her, though Joel can’t hear it through the pure panic flooding through his brain. His whole body screams to move faster, to get big and mean and loud, but he feels so very small, shocked into a slow, stuttering step that stops just as soon when suddenly husband lets out a curdled scream, his whole body recoiling from her in a tight curl, bent at the waist and clutching at his hand. 

There’s blood, and that’s not right. Not the fact of it, of husband’s blood. The not right comes in how husband’s blood is smeared on her lips and dragging down her chin. In how there is nothing behind her eyes as she slumps back against the wall, a slow slide into a posture that he recognizes, curling in on herself, hands clasped behind her neck and her head ducking between her knees as she comes to sit on the ground. It’s a posture that’s taught to people to take when they’re afraid for their lives, a last hail Mary of protection to all the most vital, soft parts of the body. And Joel finally moves. 

Second drawer from the bottom in the front desk, a pair of cuffs that he’s never been sure why they’re kept there. But now he doesn’t have to think at all about grabbing them, doesn’t have to think about how to pinch the back of husband’s neck in his hand and take him all the way to the ground, a knee pressed between his shoulder blades as he collects his flailing wrists and snaps them together in metal. There’s a fine flood of red dripping down husband’s left hand, perfect punctures on his pointer finger. It looks deep, it looks like it hurts, and Joel is glad for it. 

The station has a single cell, used mostly and infrequently for folks needing to sober up after a particularly miserable night. Husband is still groaning and panting in pain as Joel hauls him down the hallway and behind the bars. All a bit cartoonish, all a bit garish. Lock and key and all that. And he only lets out a breath when the door to the cell is shut behind him. Much more important things that must be tended to. 

His thoughts had been moving so slowly, if there were any thoughts at all, that suddenly it’s like a rubber band snapping back into place, breaking the surface, big gasp and a quick flood of frenzy and fury and fret, needing to make all of this right when he got it so very wrong. She’s still curled into and over herself, the heels of her palms pressed into her ears. And he’s not sure if it’s okay to touch her right now, erring on the side of caution as he kneels down in front of her, calls for her once, twice. Dove, Dovey. It’s enough to get a flicker of her eyes, seeing him, enough for her hands to fall from her ears, though she still stays all tucked up. The blood has already dried, rusted flakes of it on her skin, and he has to tamp down his own want to get it off of her as quickly as possible, settling instead for something slow, a careful coaxing of  it’s okay now, please, let’s clean up, please, let me, please. 

She’s still not quite looking at him, not quite looking at anything, something unfocused in her unblinking stare as he leads her to the bathroom, a small mercy that it’s down the other hall. A hand on her shoulder, an ask that she doesn’t say no to, lets him move her to sit on the edge of the toilet. A hand held on her knee as he fumbles to get a paper towel damp in the sink, still afraid that she will be gone if he doesn’t keep a pulse running to her. 

He kneels down in front of her, and he tells himself that he has to be so careful, so gentle, violence already starting to split all her seams, all that slow stitching, all five months of it. And he can, for her, slow fingers tilting her chin for him. He is meticulous in his work, every last reminder of red until all that’s left is the suggestion of it and the shake in her lip. She doesn’t say a thing, shrugs out from under his touch, all he can do to make space as she stands up and shuffles over to the sink. And it is a shuffle, a limp, something heavy held somewhere in her body that she’s dragging with her. She dips her head under the tap, like prayer, like holy, lets the water run over her turned face until Joel starts to get worried. Pink water in the porcelain when she straightens back up, a slow unfurl of her spine. Still in her uniform, his stomach curls when he sees the spatter on the starched blue collar of it. 

…

“You sure you got this covered for the night?” 

“Not a problem, reckon your wife would have my balls if I kept you here any later.” 

“Well if he gives you any trouble, I’m a phone call away, you know?”

“Yeah, John, I think he’ll be just fine once he sobers himself up.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for taking care of this.”

“Sure thing.”

Joel made two phone calls. The first was to Patty. No explanation needed, not a thing said, already understood when she came and picked up Dolores, a careful arm curled around her shoulders and a murmured promise of home and clean clothes. Only a cursory glance to Joel, an implicit command for a conversation later. 

The second call was to John. And he had been ready to tell him the truth when he got to the station. But husband didn’t say a thing when the officer asked him what the hell happened, just kept his hands tucked between his thighs, a blank look on his face. Drugs, alcohol, drugs and alcohol, enough of an excuse for John to sigh and shake his head and agree that yes, he would have to be held overnight. And Joel is doing him a favor really, by staying overnight to keep an eye on things so he doesn’t have to. Joel is doing him a solid, Joel is a real pal, Joel is a real good guy for letting his partner off the hook like that. And really, Joel doesn’t mind, craning his neck to watch John’s car pull out of the parking lot, no, he doesn’t mind at all. Really, Joel is happy to stay at the station with the man in an expensive-looking flannel and a puffer jacket, Patagonia, getting striped and slanted between metal bars. 

The thing about the station is, it is very old and very small, and not very serious at all. Just enough power behind those silver stars to keep things in order over the years. But because the station is very old and very small, there is nothing like a security system, nothing like cameras recording anything. So no one else will get to see. Only him and husband bearing witness when Joel steps into the cell and closes it behind him. 

“Here’s how this is gonna go.” Husband scoffs, tips his head back until his skull rests against the wall, slumped on the paint-peeling bench. 

“You’re gonna get in your car, and you’re gonna go back to Nebraska. And you ain’t ever gonna come looking for her again.” Husband thinks this is a joke, Joel can tell, the way he tilts his head to the side, grimacing up a smile. 

“Like it or not, officer, that’s my wife you’re talking about. And by law, I can drag her sorry ass just about anywhere I want to.” Only him and husband. No one else will get to see how silence falls, only for a flicker, before Joel takes two steps toward husband. And she isn’t here now, so he can get as big and mean and fearfully fast as he wants to. 

Easy, really, anger makes it feel like nothing. Like nothing to get husband back down on the ground, prone and gasping little broken breaths with Joel’s hand clamped around the front of his throat. And he could, right now, he could. Break this man and bring what’s left of him to lay at her feet. He wants to, so very badly, let his hand crush that flutter, that pulse. But just on the heels of that anger is something else. Something small and sodden and sighing. All he can do to let a flame of frustration tamp it down, hauling husband up onto his knees, giving him enough coughed-in oxygen so he can understand what words come next. Speaking slowly, right in his ear. 

“By law, I could show the bruises that will surely be on her throat to any cop in a fifty-mile radius and have you put in jail for a very long time. But I don’t think that’d be enough, do you?” What did Dolores tell him at the bar that night? Once, right here. To temple, that’s right. Where Joel settles the mouth of his gun now. And there is no monster. Something far more pathetic before him now, beneath him now. A blubbering man, a begging man, tears and snot shining up his face. Please, please don’t, please don’t do this. 

Fear feels good, right. Making something right when his finger curls against the trigger. A burst of sound, a sob tearing through husband’s chest as he keels over, breathing hard, relieved and retching all at once. Joel lays a single kick to his stomach, sending him skittering back on the floor.

“Here’s how this is gonna go.” A hand gripped tight in husband’s hair to hold his face up, to make sure he is listening so very closely.

“You’re gonna get in your car, and you’re gonna go back to Nebraska. And you ain’t ever gonna come looking for her again. And if you don’t do as I say, that cartridge won���t be empty the next time you and I cross paths.” He lets him go, lets him slump back on the floor, still heaving. 

Not another word is spoken. The door to the cell is left open. By morning, husband is gone.

…

“She didn’t eat anything.” 

“Okay.”

“I don’t know if she slept, I doubt it.” 

“Okay, thanks.” 

“You and I are gonna have a talk.” 

“Okay, Patty, later.”

“Yeah, later.” 

The house is quiet and still when he goes inside, ears pricking to the sound of Patty’s car pulling away. Her door is cracked, the thin light of morning slipping and slivering down the hall. He’s not sure how much of anything is okay right now, silent and standing in the doorway. At the very least, she’s not in her uniform, an old sweatshirt he had offered her when the nights kept getting colder. Not bruised yet, but blooming fast, a smear of dark red across her throat. 

“Is he okay?” It shocks him, startles him. He almost asks who, is who okay? But he knows who she’s asking after, asking for, and it makes him dizzy, makes him sick. 

“He’s gone, Dove. You don’t have to worry about him now.” Her brow pinches and pulls down, a full-tilt crumpling of her expression that forecasts tears, though they don’t come, just that tremble to her lip. 

“I hurt him.” Like confession, like sin, and he can’t stop himself from trying to sweep it away, two big steps to kneel between her legs where she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, hands on her knees to hold her where she is and tell her no, you did the right thing, you had to, it wasn’t that, it wasn’t bad or wrong or regretful, do not regret what you did, what you did was right, what you did was escape. And something else too, sorry. Sorry that she had to, because he didn’t, at least not in time. 

“Is he really?”

“He is.”

“Forever?”

“He’s not coming back, I promise.” And this startles him too, the wrecked wail she lets out, head held in shaking hands, shaking shoulders, and shaking ribs that ache with sound and sob. And this isn’t relief, at least not entirely. It’s a mournful sound, it’s a losing sound, it’s a lost, longing sound. 

The thing about a cage is that it becomes comfort once it is familiar. And the thing about monsters is that it doesn’t take much to become one. Just power and presence and taking something that does not belong to him, and never did. Part of her still loves that man, part of her is still kept by that man. And what Joel did, well, a keeping of his own, wasn’t it? A deigning and deciding of his own. 

Something inside of him cracks, fine fissuring lines that splinter and snap, slumping back on his haunches, his hands slipping down to only a weak curl around her ankles as her whole body heaves. The loudest he’s ever heard her, a pure posture of agony in the way her spine snares and snarls up tight. And because of the crush of pain around her throat, the sound is near terrifying, broken and rasped, wounded animal,  and so very not right, big, hot gasps of not right. 

At first, he isn’t sure what it is, maybe just her body acting out some deep desperation in her hands reaching and grabbing onto his coat, still in his coat. Fists in fabric, asking him for something he is afraid to give her, though he does. An awkward contortion, lifting up onto his knees so he can bring his palms to span the shake of her back. She curls over him, into him. And what she says, what warbles up from her chest is an even sharper devastation. She thanks him, quiet and caught between gasps, thank you. Once, twice, his arms tightening around her to steady his own shake now. She thanks him for this undoing he has caused, and it in turn is his own quiet destruction. Because he would do so much more, unasked and unbidden. Dangerous, what he would do. 

There’s no making sense of it, of the strange stir of grief and grace. Eventually, everything slows down, turns silent, and he’s still holding her, and she’s still holding him. 

Nothing is said, not when bodies have already made so much clear. She lets him lead her to the bare light of the window, careful palms tilting her jaw so he can see what must heal. Asks her where it hurts the most and she just makes a dry sound that tries to be a laugh. There have been much worse hurts than this, he knows. 

Maybe mercy, that there is always something that must be done around the fact of the land and the animals. They sniff into the morning cold, silent but close. Bleats turn into puffs of pale air, the flock already beginning their slow wander for the day, snow crunching under foot. 

It’s a leap, a lurch of his heart to take her hand in his. She lets him, unspoken relief. Unspoken, all of it. But staying, both of them.

.............................

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[eemcintyre]

I know this is a bit of a controversial theory and I understand why some people don't like it, but I'd honestly be okay with it if the endgame of Terry Silver's character is that he's dying.

As much as anyone who knows me knows I adore him, I love a lot of the other characters too and I don't want to see a series where the bad guys win. Plus, that would never be allowed to happen in a thousand years, what kind of parting message would that be, and if Terry doesn't win but remains alive, what other possible outcome is there for him?

No way he'd just go back to the vapid life by the beach where we were initially reintroduced to him, and I doubt he'd go to prison, or at least stay there for any significant amount of time, bc as many have accurately said, rich people don't go to prison, silly!! But Terry is so determined and proud and plain feral at this point and he has so much at stake even if he's not dying; man's not just going to go peacefully into the sunset or, God forbid, surrender or turn good- I genuinely think that the only thing to stop him at this point that would be remotely realistic and fitting would be death.

And really, it would be so incredibly and beautifully tragic and befitting the messages of the show (whatever is left of those at this point; just think of the first couple seasons ig) if, after a life of doing whatever needs to be done to get to the top and maintain control over everything and everyone, despite having what seems to be all the power and money in the world, if you wield it with evil intentions, you ultimately end up with nothing that really matters. One of the main themes of the show used to be that violence just begets more violence; it's an ouroboros that just ends up eating itself; it is self-destructive.

Terry seems to want legacy more than anything else; deep down, I think he fears being insignificant/forgotten and losing control more than anything. However, he's gone about it all wrong, to put it mildly, and all it seems he will leave behind that will last is pain and fear- which, if that's what he wants, then there you go, but somehow I don't think it is. I believe he really wants people to, sure, have enough concern to make them think twice about crossing him, but to marvel at his great, lasting accomplishments and also admire, and perhaps even love him. But in his quest for absolute control and with his belief that he's above pretty much everyone, plus, oh idk perhaps the malice and violence, that will not be a thing that happens. Anyway, that's a bit of a separate conversation.

Back to what I was saying about what he fears more than anything; perhaps these are the only things he fears- being insignificant/forgotten and losing control. As for the latter, it would be such poetic tragedy if, after a life of trying to be and probably believing that he is so much greater and better than everyone else, and seeking constant control, he is ultimately met with the one thing he can't control and which equalizes him to everyone else. Terry is convinced that nothing but a grand death on the battlefield becomes him, yet he ends up comparatively quietly passing away on a hospital bed like most everyone else.

Listen, I know it would be so profoundly tragic and I get sad just thinking about it, but I sincerely believe it would be the most interesting, realistic and meaningful ending, and I would be satisfied with it.

[w3bghost]

I think dazais character is truly morally gray, what ‘morally gray’ characters we often see in fiction are characters we conveniently label “morally gray” don’t even deserve the title they’re just good people who had done a few bad things, or bad people who had done a few good things but Dazai is truly in the middle, he has done to meany good things to be bad but to meany bad things to be good, I mean he’s abusive ruthless and won’t think twice to manipulate others and made a living hell for Akutagawa but he also saved atsushi from himself giving him a home when no one else could accept him, this isn’t enough to forgive him of course but it still proves he isn’t a fully bad person Most morally gray characters tend to switch back and forth between two sides, right? Lots of writers depict them doing kind things more often while on the “good side”, and doing cruel actions more often while on the “bad side”. But that's not the case with Dazai. Dark Era Dazai was terrifying - he shot innocent people, manipulated his subordinates, abused people, and many more. But he was still good, in his own way. He helped Chuuya cut ties with the Sheep, who were obviously using him for his powerful ability, despite having only met him for a day. He genuinely cared for Odasaku, willing to risk his own life to save his friend. In the ADA, he seemed more compassionate. He gave Atsushi a home and cared for all the members of the ADA. But although it’s subtle, he was still evil. It’s more obvious in the manga - since the anime tends to focus on his humor and suicidal tendencies more.

For example

Yes, Dazai didn’t directly abuse Aku anymore after being in the ADA. But if he was truly a good person, he wouldn’t have taken advantage of Aku’s emotions, thinking that he had every right to control him. He would have acknowledged Aku and sincerely apologized for abusing him. 

You can’t deny Dazai doesn’t have a trace of his PM tendencies left in him even after being in the ADA

That’s the depth about Dazai’s gray morality - no matter which side he’s on, he'd always do an equal amount of good and bad things. I’ve seen lots of people think that Dazai underwent his "redemption arc” in the Dark Era, when Oda died, just because Dark Era and ADA him are opposites. But now that I think of it, his moralities never even changed. He never had a redemption arc. His way of viewing people and the world are still more or less the same. The only reason Dark Era and ADA Dazai are different is because he changed his mannerisms, and obtained more will to live. “Oh, then why did he join the agency?” Because he wanted to honor his best friend’s dying wish. He still doesn’t care about “good” or “bad”. Even Oda knew this - that’s why he said this line to Dazai: “neither good nor evil means much to you, I know” I’d like to believe that a part of Dazai's kind actions are genuine, but you cannot tell me that this man, who didn’t give a fuck about shooting innocent people, is unconditionally kind all the time. We can never guess what’s going on in his head, but I’m sure that he sometimes puts up a facade of being kind, in hopes that one day, it’ll become real. Now, you’ll notice that most morally gray characters undergo a meaningful redemption arc before joining the good guys - which implies that the writers think only post-redemption them belonged in the good side - that pre-redemption them will never be able to become “good”. but Dazai? He joined the agency without undergoing a redemption arc and still passed the entrance exam. What does this mean? From the start, Dazai already had the potential of becoming both "good" and "evil". He would have fit in either organizations perfectly. Mori just happened to find him first. It’s just the matter of timing. 

[gojosbf]

I started following you after 236 because your emotions and posts echoed my sentiments. I love your posts. They make me laugh, they make cry. But most importantly they make me feel like I am not insane to feel this way for something fictional.

I hate the fact that bringing any criticism towards Gege’s writing results in being called a Gojotard. You can like the entirety of something and still criticise certain aspects of it.

I am not condoning all the threats and hate directed towards Gege but fans are allowed to be mad at the direction this story is going. Yes it is Gege’s world but we can have complains about it. That doesn’t make us fake fans. That just shows how much we’ve loved what he has created and how it affects us when it is taken away.

I feel many fans are tiptoeing around it because there are two extremities now in the JJk fandom. One - that will defend anything Gege produces and the other who is so done with characters being killed off and not adding anything to the plot. Both these sides are equally loud and thus polarising this fandom. People were on the edge after how Yuki’s fight with Kenjaku was handled and I think 236 was the final blow that divided the fandom.

I came across one post yesterday where it highlights the huge power difference between good guys and the bad guys with just Sukuna’s power alone. This is minus all the power Sukuna gave up (we don’t know if he got them back after).

It contains spoilers for 237 - https://www.tumblr.com/sleep-deprivedracoon/729649802609082368/jjk-manga-leaks-heavy-spoilers-ahead-please-do

To me, it feels like Gege has written himself into a corner indeed with shattering the ceiling (Gojo’s power was considered the ceiling in JJK power scaling) with Sukuna’s abilities.

What do you think?

i am trying to piece all my thoughts together in this so pls don't mind if it gets too long or loses track a bit.

first of all thank you and we are in this together i feel you I am still trying to wrap my head around the recent leak, until and unless we have proper leaks i will remain in denial about megumi also it's so sad to see how after the massive shock and reaction we got last week we've just given up this week it has become a thing where we are just hoping gege doesn't kill another of our favs and atp this trick is getting too overused to be appreciated (also the reason why as you mentioned we have two extremist side of fandom). i get it. gojo's death and sealing got jjk trending yet again, publicity even if negative publicity is still garnering the intrigue of many more people, not to ignore we have equal amounts of, if not more gojo haters because he was too strong.

now coming back to the story line, yes we are allowed to criticize when there are obvious plot holes and it serves for no purpose other than shock factor. Gojo's death was massively poorly written because all this time gege kept implying that even if sukuna had all his fingers gojo was the strongest (which is why he had to use mahoraga) his plot was gojo and sukuna are AT par with each other which is why this was a big deal and why he had to be sealed so kenjaku could follow through his plans and when sukuna regained his powers gojo wouldn't be a hindrance. now compare that to 236, it says sukuna actually wasn't going all out and NOW sukuna is to reveal his true form. really? really?? when the strongest character you've ever created does not stand a chance against this demon we're supposed to believe that the rest can? his students who are yet to unleash their full strength, the only special grade is supposed to? i mean we can still hope on yuuta because he has rika, the queen of curses and sukuna being the king of curses (love kashimo but as they said he's probably not surviving) but that doesn't seem much of a hope (as much i wish it was).

now coming back to the topic of when was the last time the good guys had a proper win since shibuya? do we really remember it?? (ofc apart from maki and unsealing) the bad guys are still standing strong, we have yet to see atleast one of main villains to fall and when is this going to happen??? it's been over 2 years now just how long are we supposed to keep digesting as "not so shonen" writing? (even mahito's death was just kenjaku absorbing him). i mean yeah it keeps us on edge but you as the author have the responsibility to keep the readers addicted and going and by the looks of it the og fans are dropping it one by one, is it really worth it? is it gege?

ofc course i don't condone the death threats but cmon a frustrated reader watching their favourite characters losing all the time is allowed to express themselves, maybe gege has a plan to turn this around but right now people are allowed to be angry and pissed and confused and frustrated, it's only natural, they cannot just expect people to see evil winning all the time and be alright about it now can they? these people calling others a "gojotard" are here for fun and they understood the premise of the mcs always losing so they root for the overpowered villains and hence enjoy the manga and move along what they fail to understand is that some of us are not capable of switching sides, we are still rooting for trios, the initial sorcerers whom we got attached to and we are tired of seeing them constantly unhappy. you're allowed to complain!! criticism is valid!!!!

and i seriously hope gege has some trick up his sleeves or he's ready to lose a good chunk of his loyal fans because this isn't looking good. we wasted last six months for nothing really, unsealing gojo did not help with anything except a 13 chapter long fight. and the outcome? back to square one!!!! so what was the point of the whole unsealing arc and shinjuku fight? not to mention the lukewarm reaction to his death portrayal and barely a passable explanation. sukuna is very oped currently but i have two bets against him, angel and yuuta (remember when sukuna thought angel was a pain and he wanted to kill them because he thought they could get in way).

i agree with t user sleepdeprivedracoon hakari has to win, there's no way gege is planning to kill him because then the manga is done for and i do not care what others say we are allowed to grieve, complain and make memes and jokes out of this hopeless situation we are currently in because that's literally how this manga is going so others who are so aggressively defending gege need to understand the criticism is valid and these reactions are valid and they need to get off their high horse. the not so shounen excuse is really not that convincing and we are allowed to be frustrated and angry it's a natural human reaction damn it. till then keep reading and remember life gets better but jjk doesn't (surpise us this halloween gege pls)

[loveabledirtbag]

1.01 - system

i’ve often thought about the stark difference between how the bear season one opens and the bear season two opens. but they are both actually kinda chill. the bear season one becomes frantic once carmy wakes up, but his dream sequence is kinda chill? until the bear tries to kill him?

the guitar strums as carmy wakes up is etched in my brain and somehow always releases endorphins when i hear it

the amount of storytelling they pull off in a ten second scene of the meat delivery and carmy calling lu is just incredible.

just once in my life i want to have been able to say that i had a back alley deal for some beef. it’s a fun kind of bad ass.

is it just me, or does carmy and sydney just look like BABIES in the pilot?

as someone who has interviewed a lot of people over the years for a passion-intensive type of job, seeing a business (like carmy sees the UPS) and thinking it has something to do with the job being interviewed for is truly understandable and relatable. and its never not embarrassing

there’s just something about the overlapping, chaotic yelling of everyone in the kitchen with the full spectrum of emotions that is just so on point to so many places i’ve worked. happy (and not so happy) memories

having had more time to think about the conversation between richie and carmy in the walk-in…carmy may have been more hurtful. is richie more bombastic and antagonistic? sure. is he more crude? almost always. but he’s a man who’s spent his whole life in a place doing a job with his best friend. his best friend died, and now his best friends kid brother is coming in and changing how everything is done. on top of the money problems. so he’s 44/45 years old and upset about his world changing and asking carmy to keep things how they were. but carmy, once challenged, goes right for “why didn’t michael leave the restaurant to you then?”. brutal. but i think its kind of their dynamic as a whole in retrospect: richie is louder and more aggressive, but when push comes to shove carmy will go in for the jugular and cut deep right away.

“1+1 equals you’re an asshole, bobby flay” “don’t call me bobby flay!” is a beautiful joke

matty matheson’s introduction to the show is iconic. he just comes in BAM and the camera work moves as if a drumroll of “and heeeeeeeere’s Fak!”

the scene where carmy finds his knife on the ground, and we get the intercut scenes of the morgue, and the first look at the back of mikey’s head has never made sense to me. because carmy said he didn’t go to the funeral, and richie says carmy didn’t come home. i assume that means carmy was in new york. so why is he seeing an image of a morgue with a sheet over a body? is it not a memory? is it just part of his imagination? i know the show has a lot of dream sequences and dream logic. but it’s curious.

also, the fact that in the original script, upon finding his knife on the ground carmy has a major blow up (of “review” levels) where he throws pots and screams. but instead the episode cuts to arguably the softest, and calmest shot of the episode: a beautiful softly lit scene of some meat getting salted and cooked.

which is an interesting choice when you know the alternative possibilities of the original script. it’s almost as if they decided that a way for carmy to come down is by cooking. even if that idea is challenged as the series goes on. but the anger is abated by getting into the groove of cooking and the meditative qualities of cooking.

i also think it’s a good thing they cut carmy’s blowup in this episode, because it makes his eventual blowup so much more impactful later in the season. and it would have made us, the audience, much more against him from the beginning. but instead we get through the whole season falling in love with carmy and understanding him, so when he does have his blowup in episode 7 we understand a bit more of where he’s coming from. he’s a bit more human, and we find it easier to forgive him. plus, when sydney and marcus quit in episode 7 it makes more sense that carmy isn’t normally like that. if they were used to his major freak outs than his actions in episode 7 wouldn’t have been so shocking where it pushed them to quit. but because he wasn’t usually like that, it makes sense that they walk away.

the quick back and forth of carmy and tina talking: “hey tina, i gotta see my sister, can you hold down the fort?” “yeah. hey, why doesn’t your sister come around here no more?” is such good writing. because suddenly, what you thought was an extremely antagonistic relationship, you realize has a history. carmy knows tina more than just his short time as owner of the beef. he knows tina, and he trusts tina, and tina knows carmy and carmy’s family.

“i’m gonna fix this place” “no one’s asking you too” is…maybe worth a whole post in and of itself. there are family dynamics, power dynamics, privilege, class relationships, and so much at play in the bear. but the idea of carmy, someone with knowledge and talent, wanting to help everyone in the beef reach their best potential is both a holier-than-thou idea, and/or a testament of love and devotion to a group of people who he knows deserve more out of life if they could only be given a chance. even if they do nothing but mock him. but also; we have to take into account it’s a white guy, with a staff that is predominantly POC, and that has a lot of meaning behind it. there are endless amounts of lenses you can watch and engage in with this show, and people should. feminism, gender, race, class…just so much depth to unpack. i wish academics would get on it and write all the books of the multiple lenses so i could read them, and then bastardize them for tumblr.

carmy having everyone try his new sandwich, and ebraheim (who has ALWAYS been underutilized in this show) saying “it’s redundant and white, just like you” and carmy saying “heard, heard, heard” is (again) such great and deep writing. carmy is one of the best chefs in the world, he KNOWS his version of the italian beef sandwich is better than how it was being done before. but fine dining and classically trained culinary skills often (read: systemically) cater to white folk. so a black man telling a white man his sandwich is white, when that white man has accolades and awards and skill in his world…it means something. and the fact that carmy doesn’t throw his awards, or his skill in ebraheim’s face as a response or get defensive at all is a testament to the fact that carmy also gets it. he understands that there a power dynamics at play, and that other peoples opinions matter even if it goes against the skill and talent he knows he’s using in the creation of this dish. other cultures have other flavor profiles they enjoy and just because their cuisine might not be regarded as “fine dining” in most instances doesn’t make them less valid or important.

family dinner is so beautiful. “i’m grateful for all you motherfuckers”. because that is family, and oftentimes the best team at a small restaurant or shop. you fight, you battle over what temperature you want, you steal their knives, you pretend to not speak english, but that doesn’t mean you don’t LOVE them

“i’m grateful for phillip k. dick” richie has surprising layers to him.

i have been in chicago five times in my life, and three of those times i have seen a random man shoot a gun into the air to (probably) make a point. so richie doing the same thing feels fitting. god, i love chicago.

“you snyder-cut, 4chan, qanon motherfuckers” is also amazing writing for richie. we know he uses homophobic slurs, he calls sydney (a stranger) sweetheart, and babe. we assume he would be a republican, and maybe even a “scary”, trumpy one. but no. the working class has a broad spectrum to it, and just because someone isn’t politically correct doesn’t mean they’re automatically in a specific political party. people have layers and nuance to them, and richie “phillip k. dick” jerimovich is a perfect example of one. “i hate litter, so you cucks are gonna clean up after yourselves. and you’re gonna goddamn recycle.”

the inkling of seeing that carmy’s “system” is having a positive impact on the staff when marcus says “heard, chef” is great. but i can’t get over the fact that carmy seeing that change and then deciding to toss the can of tomatoes into the trash is wasting how many thousands of dollars in one second? (more on that later)

ugh. it’s a perfect show. a perfect episode. it introduces everything and is so economical. you get so much storytelling in 27 minutes. i truly believe this is the best show ever made and i will argue that until the day i die.

Season One: Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8

[apprehensiveacorn]

ACORN IT'S BAD

THE PROGRAMMINAGDAODIHGAOIDSHAISHGOAHODIAHDGOA SPARROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAIHGAOIDHGAOIHGOAIHWOIHWOIHOIHQOQHROWIEHOEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been doing nothing but reading demon slayer fanfiction for the last few days, and I popped in to see how Tumblr was, and I saw this ask, and I was like, “Oh, I missed an episode. Time to go watch that!”

And HOLY HELL, HALF AN HOUR???? We have been spoiled, gang. We hold hands with an equal amount of freakout on our faces. Pacing, thinking, gnawing on my nails

Before I go all theory-deary, the MUSIC BRO. OH MY. The music was so fucjing cool!!!!! Cool music, cool visuals, cool tone of voice, EVERYTHING WAS COOL!!!! And the shrieker at the end? AGEJKAKWNDKIWUSBEJWN

Watch Sparrow become Pama from Minecraft Storymode (that giant fucking robot that mind controlled people w/ those redstone button looking contraptions)

This episode was also really heckin’ interesting for other reasons, too

It seems like the Sparrow we know and love has not been as fully integrated into the mechanical thought processes of a copper golem as we thought.

So, the new copper golem body, on a very basic and obvious—though no less important—level, functions with the same goal as a human body; to keep the body alive.

Second thing I noticed, it seems as if the copper golem’s body functions operate using a proper ai system. An artificial intelligence with a purpose, but still specific wants and needs. However, while a human’s body cannot think for the human, Sparrow’s body’s ai system seems like it can.

While, for humans, if we are hungry, we—ourselves—think of ways to get food, whether that’s a trip to the grocery store or an elaborate trap to catch rabbit or dear. For Sparrow, however, when his body requires something that he does not have (ie. Copper for sustenance) it thinks and problem solves on its own, only giving the proper conscience (Sparrow) instructions on how to get what it needs. It’d be like your body telling you which screws and where for a shelf.

This explains the “part of me is so unsure, but the other part of me knows exactly what to do”

It could also explain the “Objective Updated” text. The body’s AI believes that the conscience (Sparrow) is not willing to put needs over wants, so it influences the conscience (Sparrow) to do so. ie, “dig” and “be more efficient”.

Almost like a parent directing a child. Just, way more controlling lmao

Sparrow was planning to go see people, but he was out of food, so he would have been hungry the whole time. In need of sustenance = not operating at full capability = higher chance of death or failure = worst case scenario.

Then there’s “Be More Efficient”

Not fully efficient = wasted energy. Wasted energy = more sustenance consumed to make up for it. More sustenance consumed = less in reserve = more work to get more.

Efficiency is good. It means doing the most work with the least amount of energy possible. Efficiency is optimal. That’s why Sparrow’s body wants Sparrow to act with the the utmost efficiency.

It’s a self defense mechanism employed by Sparrow’s mechanical copper golem body.

This—theoretically—could affect his sense of self, his sense of reasoning, maybe even his independence. Because why would he have to think much if his body has already done it for him? Why would he want to spend his thought energy on making new machines when his body is already working it out for him, feeding him instructions, giving him orders? Hypothetically, probably won’t happen in canon, it would be very interesting if Sparrow created a sort-of codependency on his own body. If someone wrote a fic on that I would implode

Idk if I’ve explained this well or not, but to make up for the four (💀💀) days it took to word it well-enough, take these screenshots!

[gorochuva]

Iiiiiit's another @magireco-minibang WIP Wednesday, here's what I have of chapter 2 so far!

“Healing your little sister of her disease,” Kyubey mewled. “So that was your wish. And you say you just suddenly remembered it?”

“Well, it’s more like it was- revealed to me in a dream, or something.”

“Is that so?” Kyubey and Madoka gave each other a knowing look. “Aren’t you going to tell her?”

“I thought you would’ve told her.”

“She may not be able to pull from our memories, but her mind is still connected to us Incubators. So under normal circumstances, I would have told her, but…” He looked back at Iroha. “Who exactly is this Ui Tamaki? It’s very strange. Are you certain you have a little sister?”

“I know, it sounds crazy, right?” Iroha admitted. “It’s like she doesn’t even exist anymore.”

“Erasing all traces of someone’s existence would take great power, equivalent only to that of a Magical Girl’s wish. Which begs the question, who would want to erase “Ui Tamaki”? It’s far more likely you had false memories implanted in your mind, and only think you had a sister.”

“I can’t explain why, but I know these memories are real. The empty hole I’ve had in my heart is where Ui used to live…”

***

Something inside Madoka hurt, hearing Iroha speak so passionately about these memories. She couldn’t say the same for sure for Ui, but Iroha Tamaki certainly did not exist. At least, not before she made her wish.

“That stuff Homura was saying, is it true?”

“It’s true enough that I can’t deny it.”

“Then you turn us into Magical Girls… just so we’ll become Witches?!”

“Please, don’t misunderstand our intentions. We don’t do this out of ill will towards the human race. Everything we’ve done is to prolong the life of the universe. Madoka, do you know what the word “entropy” means?”

Even if she did, she couldn’t open her mouth to speak to the vile creature.

“Here’s an example: the energy a bonfire gives off is not equal to the energy it took to grow the wood that fuels it. When energy changes form, some of it gets lost. We found that the amount of energy in the universe is decreasing at an alarming rate, so we began searching for a form of energy that wasn’t bound by the laws of thermodynamics. That’s when we found the energy created by Magical Girls.”

“What are you?” Madoka croaked.

“The civilization my species comes from developed a technology that converts the emotions of sentient lifeforms into energy. Unfortunately, we don’t possess the capability to experience such things for ourselves. So, we searched the universe, studying all of the various species, until we finally found you humans. With the size of your population and the rate at which you reproduce, we saw how the amount of emotional energy generated by a single human is greater than the amount used between their birth and growth. The soul is the energy source we need that counteracts the effects of entropy. The most effective energy came from females in their second stage of development, when they have the most intense fluctuations of hope and despair. At the precise moment your Soul Gems flare out and become Grief Seeds, an enormous amount of energy is created! As an Incubator, my job is to gather up that expended energy, and put it back into the universe.”

“That’s all we are to you? Disposable? You want us to die for you, and you don’t even care?!” As the word left her mouth, the thought lingered in Madoka’s mind for only a moment. Disposable… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…

“Do you know how many civilizations there are in the universe? Can you even comprehend the amount of energy they use each second? There will come a day when you humans figure out how to leave this planet and join the rest of the universe. When that day comes, you wouldn’t want to find it to be empty and desolate, would you? If you consider the long-term, this is a good deal!”

“How can you say that? You really think it’s okay for Mami to die? And for Sayaka to suffer? For some crazy reason like that? That’s not right! That’s- so mean…”

“But we always ask for and make sure to receive your consent before making the Contract. That alone should show you that we don’t mean any ill will.”

“But you do that by tricking us!”

“We don’t understand this concept of “tricking” you. Why is it that when humans regret a decision they made based on their own misunderstanding, they feel resentment towards the other party?”

“I can’t do this,” Madoka sighed. “You’re not saying anything that makes sense. I don’t understand you at all…”

“We’ve had a hard time understanding you humans and your values as well. With a current population of 7.8 billion increasing by a rate of 10 every four seconds, it’s a mystery why you care so much about the loss of a tiny handful.”

“If that’s what you think of us, I guess you really are our enemy we’re like… your military, right?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Bodies fill the fields I see,” Madoka solemnly hummed, “hungry heroes end. No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend. Running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all. Victim of what’s said should be, a servant… ‘til I… fall…” Taking a deep breath, Madoka pulled herself up out of bed. “Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll die for the sake of the universe or whatever, because I wish…”

“I wish you could understand how they felt.”

[elcorhamletlive]

I'm someone who ships by*er and I don't really agree with some of the things on your blog when it comes to shipping, but I love your take on how the duffers have written themselves into a corner with will. I do think a lot of people who ship by*er just want will to be happy but they've set it up in a way where he has no other love interest than mike so either by*er happens, will gets some random bf/love interest thrown in during s5, will dies, or he ends up being the only single party member. For the last 3 it's gonna be disappointing for queer audiences or people who just like will's character in general, him getting a bf in s5 isn't that bad but it's still going to feel a bit like they just had to give him someone so they made a character last minute. And with will being the "gay kid in love with his best friend" would be something that a lot of queer people have gone through and have seen in media so if they make it unrequited its just gonna be another "gay kid in love with his straight best friend who doesn't like him back" story which I know a lot of queer people are sick of seeing, so its gonna be a bit unsatisfying.+ if byler doesn't happen and mlvn ends up being cannon they're are probably a good amount of mlvn shippers who are going to be celebrating it, bragging about it, and have it be a "in your face" moment to by**rs because of the lasting ship wars which is going to feel like "you get your happily ever after straight romance while we get this unrequited gay story again" to a lot of people. (Sorry if this ask Is a bit long or just repeating a lot of the stuff you already said)

Hey! No worries about the ask being long. I appreciate the civility, even if we disagree on several points.

Like I said, I understand the logic b*l*r truthers are working with. I just don't agree with their base perception: I really don't think mutual b*l*r would be a good narrative choice, at this point; I don't think it was a set up and I don't think it works for Will. I understand why shippers wouldn't agree, but if I think about Will as a fictional character, I think him moving on from Mike and dating someone new would fit thematically with his arc much better than his feelings having been reciprocated all along. Ideally, this would have happened earlier (or at least a new character for this role would have been introduced earlier); but I still think it can be done in season 5, if the writers want to. Lumax happened in the same season Max was introduced and I thought their storyline was lovely.

Either way, even from a representation-focused perspective, I'd have issues with B*l*r becoming canon. I don't like the idea of a character's sexuality (Mike's, in this case) being treated as a "plot twist" deliberately written to catch most of the audience by surprise. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I've seen people act as if it would be the most progressive, revolutionary thing to happen in television, and I just... don't agree. It happening only in the final season would also, indirectly, imply that they held back on actually writing the romance for fear of alienating a homophobic audience - which, I mean, not a great priority to have.

When it comes to Mileven, I think that there is such a difference in perspective that is hard to have a conversation. Again, I really appreciate the civility in your ask, but when you say: "If B*l*r doesn't happen and Mileven ends up being canon", I'm just like... Mileven is canon. It has been canon since the very first season. Some B*l*r shippers have this idea in their minds that both B*l*r and Mileven are on equal levels of possibility, that it's a Jancy/Stancy situation where it could go either way at this point, and I just don't see it, sorry. I've heard B*l*r shippers pestering Mileven shippers for "proof" of their ship, and the people who say this seem to not realize that it's the equivalent of asking for Jopper "proof", or Lumax "proof". These ships don't require proof because they're not theoretical. They're in the text. Those are our main couples; we're going into the final season. It's not going to change (and I say this as someone who doesn't care about any of the aforementioned characters as much as I care about Will, so there is no shipper bias coming from me).

I think your concern about shippers gloating is legitimate, and I see how such gloating could be very hurtful to B*l*r shippers who are emotionally invested in the idea that the only good way to finish Will's story is having him get with Mike, but there are multiple points of view to regard here. There are no innocent sides in a ship war. I have seen Mileven shippers being egreciously homophobic about B*l*r and about Will - this is inexcusable. However, I have also seen B*l*r shippers being misogynistic and ableist towards El; and just behaving in an antagonistic manner in general, towards anyone who disagrees with them. Obviously this isn't every shipper, but, when this kind of behavior exists, it inevitably sets the tone and creates an environment where, yeah, there will be a lot of gloating when B*l*r doesn't become canon. I can't say I don't get it - I had several discussions with B*l*r shippers, prior to vol. 2 coming out, in which I was consistently talked down to, called a homophobe, and told I didn't understand anything about filmmaking or media literacy. When vol. 2 dropped and it turned out I was right and all those people were wrong, yes, I did enjoy some schadenfreude; and I expect to feel the same on season 5. So I can't blame other people for feeling similarly, sorry.

[kissoflightning]

A Bad Cup of Coffee

I wrote this fic from Leo Manfred's perspective when I was depressed; it's an original headcannon of what he was going through the day before his first appearance in Detroit: Become Human

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

Gen

Fandom:

Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)

Characters:

Leo Manfred

Jerry(s) (Detroit: Become Human)

Original Female Human Character(s)

Additional Tags:

Leo Manfred POV

Leo Needs a Hug

Hurt No Comfort

I'm So Sorry Jerry

Physical Abuse

References to Drugs

Song Lyrics

References to Depression

One Shot

Language: English Series:Part 1 of Carl Dies

Published: 2023-10-25

Words:1,276

Chapters:1/1

Summary:

Leo fucked up again. (The events of this story take place the day before we first see Leo's appearance in Detroit: Become Human)

Notes:

This fic is mostly a self-indulgence. I wrote it when I was extremely depressed and ironically I felt better after writing it. I decided I wanted to write these little stories as one shots, but I plan on writing a few more (Completely out of order), hence why I am tying this to "The Graveyard" because these stories will all be very much their own thing but work together in the same timeline. The song Leo listens to 2/3rds through the story (If you'd like to read along with it) is Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Soa3gO7tL-c

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Thursday, November 4th, 2038

The alarm blared and it was time for another dreaded day for Leo to go to work. He had his third breakdown last week when some idiot gave him crap over how much cream cheese was spread over a fucking bagel. "Why aren't there equal amounts of cream cheese on both sides? I asked for equal amounts of cream cheese on both sides!" Leo was so done with this shit and he SCREAMED at the man "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! The cream cheese stuck to the other side, it ain't my god damn fault!" His boss threatened to fire Leo if an incident like this were to occur again.

Leo took a hit from his Red Ice vape, just enough for him to vibe enough to put up with whatever bullshit he was going to put up with today. Enough that the intrusive thoughts were there, but not enough for them to take over. Leo HATED the way he acted when he had taken too much, but it felt so god damn good!

He dragged his sorry ass to the coffee shop and lay his bag down in the break room. His boss peered over his shoulder, "You better not fuck up today, Manfred."

"Yeah, whatever." Leo replied with a shrug.

Leo asked his coworker, Sheryl to man the till today so he could avoid talking to as many customers as possible and she complied without hesitation. Sheryl was the only person who was tolerable to work with at this shit hole of an establishment. Other than her, he hated EVERYONE, even Jerry. Especially Jerry. Fucking androids. They'd never have to deal with feeling like a miserable, worthless piece of shit like him.

One hour left in his shift, and Leo had successfully managed to keep himself from getting fired so far. Sheryl pulled off the "customer service" act so well, despite the usual barrage of annoying idiot customers. He always looked forward to the end of the day where she'd go back to her normal self and talked so informal saying fuck and shit in almost every sentence with a tone that would be considered a "bad attitude" from the boss. But in reality, she was super cool. Something felt good about being the only one at work to see that side of her.

A man who ordered a few minutes ago, came back raging. "I TOLD you I wanted a fresh cup and this tastes like the stalest oldest shit you could give me!" The man screamed as he threw the coffee at Sheryl, scalding her.

What Leo saw next was neither customer service Sheryl or badass Sheryl...it was broken Sheryl. She froze, broke into a sob, and ran out of the shop wailing and crying. For once Leo's intrusive thoughts were in sync with his regular line of thinking.

[He needs to get his ass kicked]

Leo hopped over the counter, clutched him into a chokehold, and threw him onto the floor. He should have stopped there, but the violence felt so good. [It's justified] He thought to himself. [Sheryl didn't deserve that] He pinned the man down and laid down punch after punch as the man and any customers that were around to witness screamed in horror.

Suddenly he was stopped and pulled up by that fucking android, Jerry. Leo's temperament wasn't settled. "Fucking piece of plastic! Let go of me!" Leo shouted before shifting to hook his fist directly into Jerry's right cheek.

The impact scraped the part of synthskin where it landed, and the android seemed to emulate fear. "My name is Jerry!" The android shouted before frantically running out the door. That display was so convincing that Leo almost felt bad about punching the thing. However, he knew better than to fall for the emulation of human emotions. Self-preservation was probably something built into their program - or perhaps Leo caused it to malfunction from hitting it too hard.

The boss came out finally. He'd probably been in his office blasting shitty music and playing Level 28,453 of Candy Crush or something. "What the hell is going on here? Where's Sheryl and Jerry?" He hollered.

"Your employee jumped over the counter and attacked me like a wild animal!" The beat up asshole shouted.

"He started it! He threw hot coffee onto Sheryl and she ran out crying!" Leo protested.

"Which I wouldn't have done if you had given me fresh coffee like I asked!" The man retorted.

"FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Leo screamed before throwing the man a sucker punch in the stomach, and he fell to the ground.

The man, speechless, shook his head and limped towards the door once he regained his composure.

"Please don't press charges." The boss pleaded to the customer.

"I won't, but I want to see you fire him." The man told him.

"With pleasure." The boss complied before he turned to Leo to shout "YOU'RE FIRED!"

Leo went home and upon approaching the door to is apartment, he'd spotted an eviction notice. "Fuck my life!" Leo shouted out loud as he entered through the door. He plopped onto his bed and screamed into his pillow. "AAAAAH!"

He plugged his airpods into his ears, and blasted the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a exaggerated breath during the initial guitar riff. He started singing along to the lyrics. "I walk a lonely road. The only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me, and I walk alone." He proceeded to load the red ice into his pipe, lit it up and took a deep inhale, laying back into his bed as he watched the red smoke release into the air. He sank into his bed as he felt his stress start to dissipate, though a lingering was left behind. Leo needed more ice; he was almost out. Not to mention he would wind up homeless soon if he could not get any money.

Leo continued to sing while laying down, attempting to relax. He nodded his head slightly while belting "My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me." He took another inhale from his vape, savoring it before releasing the breath. He closed his eyes and hummed along with the "Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah. Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah" while simultaneously feeling the music, imagining himself walking down a deserted outskirt in slow motion.

Leo tried to let his mind wander, but it kept coming back to reflect on his shitty predicament. He would need to ask his dad for more cash. If the requirement to ask his disapproving father for money was not bad enough, having to see Carl treat that plastic toy like his actual son was so much worse.

"Read between the lines. What's fucked up, and everything's alright. Check my vital signs. To know I'm still alive, and I walk alone." Maybe if he punched Markus, it would run off like Jerry did. However, Jerry had been in a public place at the time; what if Markus reacted more violently? It could be incredibly dangerous to pick a fight with an android where nobody could hear you scream.

And there was something different about Markus; it was so good at acting human. Leo would not doubt it if Kamski built it with some protocol to beat the shit out of anyone who provoked it. Leo closed his eyes once again and let his mind continue to drift until he passed out.

[THE END]

If you enjoyed reading this story and you firmly believe that Leo Manfred deserves redemption, feel free to give a Kudos/Comment on AO3 to give him some love!

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

How is path of Radiance? Like the characters, writing, the plot.. I heard really good things about Elincia and getting good writing for female characters is so rare in FE games I want to try it now

I'm gonna take a wild guess and ask if it's @randomnameless you heard the Elincia stuff from LOL.

What I will say first about the females before getting into the other stuff is that the females are handled perfectly. They get the same amount and kind of development as the males and aren't there just to be male gaze eye candy. Petrine is the closest thing I could say is like that by appearance, but her personality doesn't match what they do a lot more often nowadays, and she's not a bad character (she's a good villain if nothing else). The females are treated very equally to the males.

PoR also kinda has a "no character left behind" deal where you can continue getting bits and pieces from everyone you recruit, either via base conversations or boss conversations (outside of just supports). Usually in FE after you get a character to join you, that's it and all you get is supports for development, but PoR continues to reuse those characters in various base conversations (including ones that phase out in story importance, like how the Greil Mercenaries are story important but most of them lose importance midgame).

One other good thing though about characters losing importance is that they all do. Aside from the very very main handful, you get sections where different characters get spotlight. For instance, the GMs are the first section of the game, but later on you start seeing more of Begnion's cast, and then you start seeing the bird tribes for a while and so on. Importance is split between a wide range of characters and it gives a whole bunch of them actual story relevance even if they're not in the immediate main handful.

The characters are all stellar because they're all very different and not single-trope based. These days we get one or two tropes and/or aspects about a character (like Boucheron in Engage gets lost all the time and he cries a lot from reading books/generally cries often, and that's... pretty much his whole personality. Citrinne is rich and doesn't know how to give gifts that aren't expensive and wants to protect her people and that's it) and just have to accept that it's their entire character.

There's also a lot of reading between the lines to understand all the characters and not just taking things at surface level. For instance, most people HATE Makalov because he uses people's money and gambles it all away, but he consistently tries to better himself. He ultimately fails in both games to lose that bad habit, but he does regularly bring the idea up of trying to lose that addition and tries to be a better brother for his sister. Just because he fails at actually breaking his bad habits doesn't mean that's it, clean cut, that's all there is to him. He's not my favorite personally, but imo he gets a lot of unjustified hate. He has a gambling addiction but he does have a lot of self awareness and knows when he's being a scoundrel. He doesn't like it, but he knows it's part of him.

For the story and plot, both are fantastic. Everything is connected, even between both games, giving the sense that the game was made with a sequel planned before it was even released. The game literally ends on a cliffhanger ffs lmao. The story starts as just the GMs doing their job, then they get hired to guard Elincia and have to take a journey to do so to gain enough army strength, but once you get about halfway into the game, it starts getting a lot more serious and kind of grows with Ike in a way. Like, he grows more into being a leader and understanding how to manage his mercenaries, but the story progresses with his maturity and becomes in a sense a more mature story.

There's also the way racism is done that's really well handled, in which a good chunk of the cast, including very main characters in both games, start out extremely racist (Tibarn and Reyson are among the most racist, human hating characters in the first game for a good half or more of the game, because the halfway point is chapter fifteen (there are thirty chapters total including the prologue, IF you don't count that chapter 17 is four parts long). Over time they all change and grow at their own pace. Naesala is even a tricky one because he seems like he's still not quite a villain but not really an ally by the end, but he actively drops the term "human" in favor of "beorc" once Reyson informs him he's in service to the Crimean army to repay their deeds in protecting his sister. Even more minor characters like Jill and Lethe take it at their own pace and Jill in particular you get base conversations with repeatedly, where she grows as a person in every single one. She joins you in chapter 12 and is still relevant in her own way through chapter 20, i.e. through base conversations.

Also, I really love that all the characters come together by the end and piece the plot together together, as a group. It's not just the main character and another one or two people who are suddenly like OH I UNDERSTAND. They literally have group conversations to work things out and add their own insight to bring the plot together. For example, there's a conversation with Caineghis, Tibarn, Ike, Soren, Titania, Elincia, and Ranulf where they're all discussing Ashnard and his motivations. They all use pieces of what they've learned individually throughout the war to tell everyone else what they know, and they piece it all together.

It's honestly kind of fascinating to see even now, at least for me, considering FE games don't do that anymore. Usually you get a few characters total who are main characters (like Awakening, how you get a handful of characters who have any plot relevance whatsoever and nobody else gives their two cents about what's going on, despite being part of a large army). It really gives each character individuality and purpose, where it doesn't feel like they're just a number in your army. It feels like another person in your army. Even if not all of them are directly in your army/playable, they still integrate with the story.

Supports are pretty great too because you can glean a lot from just small supports. If you've been following me long enough you knew he was going to come up sooner or later: HURRAY, SHINON, WHOOOO. 🥳🎉🎉🎉 Shinon has a pretty rocky B support with Janaff, but it's so valuable for both of their characters. Both of them think the other is stupid for not knowing "something totally obvious lelzies", but they end up having a good discussion about it and learning from each other, despite Shinon being grumbly grumble bag because he's talking to a yeehaw half-breed who was rood to him last support when he was minding his own business (Janaff had never seen him before but Shinon didn't like the way he was talking to him, so being the idiots they truly are had a ten second verbal battle of "if i wanted to i could kill u, just so u r aware lel"). It ends with Shinon like ugh ugh why am I doing this tho, and he skedaddles and Janaff is all huffy puffy because he wanted to ask more questions about beorc (humans). Their A support is a fountain of goodness for both of them/their characters because you learn a lot about Janaff that I think you otherwise would never even consider. This time it's Janaff who just happily opts out of the conversation after realizing Shinon isn't so bad and he enjoyed learning from him, and Shinon is the one who is like hey wait come back... except last time Janaff was aggravated when Shinon peaced out. This time Shinon is actually interested and intrigued and wants Janaff to come back because Janaff has seen more of the world than him and he wants to hear more, but he's nice about it (there's more development than that, but I'm summarizing to give an example of how supports go in this game).

Can you tell I adore them by the way I make fun of them so intensely? Thank you.

Imo the writing is good enough that I can reread the whole game even despite playing it over 20 times. Sometimes I do just play it for gameplay and skip dialogue, but there are plenty of times I read the whole script over again. The characters are very full of personality with depth and growth. Very few are kind of left in the dust, like extremely late game randoms like Calill and Largo who have no reason to exist except to give you a sage in case for some wild ass reason you did not train any of your three mages by that point, and Largo being the only Berserker class character in the entire Tellius franchise, which is a wah wah when you realize he's not even playable in RD. Probably Tellius' biggest wah wah what's the point, honestly.

Have you seen my posts about Ashnard that get littered around my blog regularly? When I complained about Houses' failures for making an intriguing villain? To put it simply, Tellius has characters like him, who are Happy and They Know It, aka A Villain and They Know It, and then you have villains who have actually unfortunate backstories (yeehaw spoiler for RD just in case you don't know who it is, but it's actually set up in PoR very, VERY sneakily, and you realize it's all there after you've beaten both/beaten RD at least twice because unfortunately there is a chunk of story/plot locked behind a second or higher playthrough in RD, some of which also requires very specific gameplay to have happened). No, I'm not talking about the Black Knight... though he is probably the worst written case of a villain in RD, when he was perfectly handled in PoR. Granted, he also has second or higher run locked story. In fact... so does Soren's entire identity lol. RD really just said replayability or bust.

As much as PoR is my second favorite game, I actually still think that in general it's the absolutely best written story/plot with the most diverse and detailed characters. Tbh I'd go so far as to say it's the actual best, because most FE games lack either in story, plot or characters, or even just lack in tolerable females/female designs. PoR doesn't miss a beat with any of those, and tbph I actively despise PoR Lethe but don't at all mind or dislike her in RD because there's actual growth there and her personality toward the main cast is basically a 180.

RD doesn't handle the group discussions, and adding in as many characters to the story as possible all the way throughout, as well as PoR, but it does try and it does give you various armies to work with to learn about a good chunk of them. It's definitely behind PoR in terms of the three things I've brought up that you asked about (the females aren't sexualized or treated poorly, but I'd argue that Micaiah was a point of contention when the game first came out. Think, Three Houses discourse except it was Ike fans versus Micaiah fans on a significantly tinier scale. Other than her (and Lyre being very annoying imo and having no redeeming traits lol), there wasn't really anything distasteful and the females as a whole weren't mishandled.

Really the worst part about people wanting to try the game is that it's approximately ~300 USD to buy a used copy of the original game, and RD isn't particularly cheap either. You'd be best off playing it on an emulator, but you also unfortunately need at least somewhat decent specs or a gaming computer for RD for it to run well, and POR can run okay on a bland computer but it might look/sound laggy. From my experience when using an emulator for it (since sometimes I like to fuck around with cheats because the debug stuff is so fun in that game), the sound is the worst in laggyness and it's just otherwise a bit slow. It might be doable, but at least much more so than RD. Just might not be a seamless experience, sadly.

If you can play it smoothly either via emulator or have the extra money to dish out (or if you find it up for a cheap enough bid online, or someone does an oopsie and puts it up for a steal), I'd definitely say try to grab one and play it for yourself. It's still awesome to watch a playthrough of if you have no decent access to it, but it's also very fun to play.

Also, it's a super good game for newer FE fans because it's not that difficult. I know lots of newer fans who only know casual and classic as options are a bit deterred from playing older games with no casual mode (FE12 and up have Casual, so anything from Shadow Dragon and backwards doesn't have that option, though SD has the benefit of having save points, like two per map, and RD lets you save at literally any time on any map as long as it's your turn). This game is at least a tolerable difficulty even on normal mode, so if you're really unsure, you can play your first run on easy mode and it should definitely not be too difficult.

There's also an added bonus of a way to tell if you might do well or ill in battle with any character at any given time and that's through the biorhythm, which you can see on the character's menu screen when you shift through their screens. It's a feature only in the Tellius games, but it adds the bonus of determining battle outcomes for every single unit and changes every turn throughout the battle. It's not an absolute, but it's helpful if you're looking at a unit who has a fifty chance of hitting, because if they have a poor biorhythm they're almost definitely not going to hit. If they have a perfect biorhythm, they have an even better chance of getting that hit.

So honestly, if you're struggling to pick a game to play that's older and doesn't have the safety net of Casual mode to help you see the story while not being worried about gameplay messing up getting to watch your favorite characters' development, I'd say pick up PoR and play on easy mode on your first go to make it much more comfortable. It's literally great for newcomers and/or fans who have never experienced classic mode not being a choice, and it has story/plot/characters to match the enjoyment.

Just because it's my second favorite and not my number one doesn't mean I won't advocate for it the most heavily! My favorite is still lacking in a fair bit of things PoR has and has wonderfully done.

Tbh, looking back on it too, even now my opinions on things are still growing and changing. I looked back on my recent ongoing run and went wow, I wonder how I felt about Naesala before chapter 16/17 on my first ever playthroughs, because I actually understand his point of view a lot better even without needing to consider the spoilers I'm now aware of. Just seeing what's in front of me, I actually think Naesala comes across as more likeable of a character than Tibarn and Reyson start out as, then it shifts the other way where they're more likable and he's not, and then it evens out lategame/by the end. After that RD is a rollercoaster with a resolution for a lot of characters, Naesala especially (especially especially if you bring him with you into the last portion of the game, which is a multi chaptered endgame with a set army/characters of your choice from throughout the entire game) that makes playing PoR again even better, because there's a lot of hindsight that was planned in PoR and dropped throughout.

Even if I wouldn't say RD is definitely as fascinating as PoR, it does answer a whole load of questions and makes replaying PoR much more reasonable if you otherwise saw little to no reason to replay it. Since I talked about PoR here it's kind of impossible not to include RD in terms of PoR's story since they are wholly connected, but even just by itself PoR is a perfect experience for story/plot/character balance.

Also, Ranulf is a cat. A blue cat. And he's funny. And he's kind. And he's sweet. Why hasn't he won CYL yet? Why does he not have even a single alt in Heroes yet? There will never be true justice in this world.

[halliescomut]

KP Week 2022- Day 2: Favorite Episode

So, I did spoil this a bit with a previous post, it was 2 am my time....so IDK know who saw that. I apologize for my poor quality gifs, but I talk a lot about the acting, so I wanted visuals. Any gifs not made by me are credited with the gif. So here we go!

My favorite episode is the second one.

It might be a bit controversial, and I'm by no means saying it's the best one, but I do think there's a lot of good moments to be had. Like, I love the amount of levity in the episode, but there's also some pretty crucial world 'build'ing happening (pun intended). I love Porsche's response to everything that's happening, it's very realistic and gives more dimension to his character. Like, he doesn't want this, and his reflex to escape this new job he hates is to kind of be as bad at it as possible, both intentionally and unintentionally. I also love to the introduction of more characters, Pete especially, because I truly adore him. By the end of the episode we've been introduced to almost every character of importance (if memory serves the only person we have yet to meet is Kim).

You see a lot more of the interactions between equals, so not just a Theerapanyakun who's in charge of whatever space they're in, interacting with those of 'lower status', but far more peer interaction. We start out with Porsche's introduction to the other bodyguards, where there's a great deal of antagonism, some of which is a test/hazing, but clearly from some there's more personal reasons *cough* Big *cough*. We also get more Daddy Chan (TM), which is greatly appreciated. (gifs from Homiesexual Solidarity and you know why they're here)

Pete's introduction is such a delight, and upon re-watch, when you know where his story is going, is also a very interesting choice. (gif from Rainbow Press)

He's meant to be a bridge for both the audience and Porsche when it comes to understanding the mafia world, and what his expectations should be. We also get a lot of interaction between Porsche and other staff, and while we rarely see the Theerapanyakun family be rude to any of their domestic staff, Porsche very specifically is very respectful. He's not there to fuck up anyone else's livelihood.

Our next big scene is the shooting range, where Kinn and Porsche's power struggle becomes the front and center story. It's hilarious, because of the 'wasabi prank', but the undercurrents there are very telling. The reality is that Kinn and Porsche have both had to be the responsible ones for most of their lives, and not even just their adult lives. We can hazard a guess that Kinn was likely still a teenager when it became clear that Tankhun was not going to be the next head of the major family. So while Porsche sees them both as equals, Kinn is consistently trying to push him, force him into a place of subservience, and he's fighting it hard. (You can visit Lutawolf's page for more direct commentary on their power dynamic in regards to their romantic/sexual relationship.) The apple scene is worth several re-watches, because the acting there is top notch. Kinn's actions demanding that Porsche submit/trust him, because he's due it based on his position. But Porsche has never really been able to trust (read also: rely on) anyone and why on earth would he put that trust in Kinn so easily? (vid from creepymoony)

He knows better than to show weakness in front of Kinn, but he's not been raised to hide his feelings or thoughts, and so eventually those feelings break out. For all of his work hiding things from Porchay as best he can, he really does not have a high level of emotional control (which is also well shown through this episode) but his show of control here rather than allowing Kinn to see any weakness or fear is very well done by Apo and very much in character, since Porsche does seem to generally be a fake it 'til you make type of person.

The training montage is amusing, but very good world building for the show, as we both get to see Porsche show his skills and demonstrate his determination to prove himself. Porsche takes a great deal of pride in his skills, and he's competitive. He may not take every part of the training seriously, but we do see him actively working when it comes to the physical skills of being a bodyguard. This set of scenes also enables us to more fully understand the expectations that are placed on all of the bodyguards. They're all shown as competent before we get into the more frivolous activities of Tankhun.

I have quite a few problem with the fallout from Elizabeth and Sebastian's unfortunate passing, because the reality is I was raised in a lower class household, and I very much hate the decision of Tankhun to humiliate Porsche as punishment. The whole scene makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so much so that I can't even enjoy Porsche in his mermaid outfit, which is unfortunate.

I understand Tankhun being upset, but I do also think that they give him a lot of leeway in his behavior that's honestly probably not healthy for him. (I also don't fully buy into Tankhun's 'crazy', I do think at least part of it is an act.) I do think that Kinn 'rescuing' Porsche is an important stepping stone in their relationship. I definitely see some discomfort in Kinn's face during the scene, but he knows how to handle Tankhun efficiently, which is important here. He's kind of ripping the band aid off as quickly as possible, but there's still some pain there.

The suit scene is fascinating to me, because we know there's a draw for Kinn that's throwing him off with Porsche. But this glimpse into Porsche recognizing this connection is very interesting. Porsche knows when someone is attracted to him. The man is a hoe (affectionate) and very emotionally intelligent, he's not missing those cues from Kinn. (Image credit to thetheea-rossa)

But they're both fighting that physical attraction because they don't like it each other personally. They both feel the other doesn't respect them, but they are coming to that conclusion from their own disparate experiences, which are expertly expressed by this tumblr post:

Then this happens, which is one of the best things I've ever seen, and the comparison to Miss Congeniality that I saw will live in my mind forever. (Gif credit to: Ai Kinn)

The launch party is an entire clusterfuck, Porsche is back intentionally making bad decisions out of spite, which does backfire wildly. Anyone who's worked a service job that they hated truly understands this desire to be so absolutely crap at that their job to the point that they get fired, but Porsche is forgetting a key component here, which is that the mafia doesn't 'let people go'. His reaction to recognizing the consequences of his bad decision are also very clear. Porsche doesn't want to be there, but he also doesn't want Kinn to get hurt. It's not Porsche's intention, and he truly does feel guilt about it, but his stubbornness is still firmly guiding a lot of his decisions. We see fairly regularly through the series that Porsche isn't necessarily a long-term thinker. (Personally I think that meant to set him apart from Korn and his chess game.)

Our final scenes introduce the minor family. We meet Vegas (sort of) and get confirmation regarding at least one person who's making active attempts on Kinn's life. The conversation with Fancy Lady Assassin does show that it may more accurately have been an intelligence gathering mission. I really read that scene to show that her actually succeeding in killing Kinn would have been a bonus, but wasn't necessarily the true objective, at least for Vegas.

And then we meet Gun and Macau as well, see the dynamic both personally and professionally between the major and minor families. Kinn truly makes some intentions clear, though not maybe entirely purposefully here. Kinn choking Porsche and the reactions we see from Korn and the minor family are very telling, especially upon re-watch with more context. On Kinn's part, he's clearly intending it to be a show of strength, one more example of him being willing to get his hands dirty as it were, which is something that the minor family insinuates he's not willing to do. But we also start to see suspicion on the part of Vegas and Gun. The minor family is shown to treat their bodyguards and staff more casually, but they also seem far more willing to sacrifice them, so Kinn making the decision to protect Porsche here is an interesting tidbit for them. Korn's decision NOT to be the decision maker here is another telling moment, clearly causing more suspicion in Gun. Gun's probably thinking why are you protecting this stranger? For myself, Korn is being manipulative as always, and he's watching Kinn fall in line to what he wants, at least for now, so what reason would he have to interfere. Depending on what you think Korn's endgame is, this can indicate anything, really. I'm not entirely sure it's a case of 'I just want to protect and care for my adoptive sister's son' though.

But just watch y'all. The depth you can read from this, especially on a re-watch:

Pete finally getting through to Porsche, getting him to understand exactly how close things were to definitely not going his way. And he manages to include just little bit of more info about Kinn and his motivations. Kinn is clearly liked by the people that work for him. For pretty much every interaction you see, there's respect and deference for Kinn, but not fear. And outside of Porsche, you don't see Kinn intimidating or even being rude to any of the employees around the compound.

The apology scene is really interesting to watch, as you see ACTUAL COMMUNICATION between Kinn and Porsche. Up to this point they've both been playing a role, but here there's a genuine inquiry from each of them. "Is this the real you?"

Here they're both on equal footing because they're alone, they both know that there's a persona they're projecting out of necessity, and they both want to see behind those personas. But there's still hesitation because of the lack of trust. And it becomes a bit of a vicious circle, because without taking a risk and being truly honest, even in small ways, they can't build any trust.

Porsche get traded to Tankhun for Pete, which isn't really much of anything, but it's clear that Kinn does see this as a a sort of punishment, though a very lenient one. But I will say, I don't think that Kinn would have made the trade if he didn't actually trust Porsche to protect his brother. Kinn's a deeply caring person, we do see the expressed regularly in the series, so we can extrapolate that he truly loves his siblings, and he certainly wouldn't make a choice that he thought would put Tankhun at risk.

Our final scene of the episode is a juicy one. we have Gun recalling a conversation earlier in the day with Korn, clearly trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Porsche, after the meeting/choking. His spidey-sense are all a-tingle, and he knows there's something deeper going on. He gets nothing more than confirmation that there's definitely something going on and put Vegas in charge of looking into it.

Re-watching this scene multiple times, I got say I'm fascinated by the relationship there, because Gun is a terrible father, truly, but he trusts Vegas more than ANYONE just because Vegas is his son (I'm assuming that's his reason). But he has a direct familial relationship with Korn and he wouldn't trust that man as far as he could throw him. Like, it's not a blind faith in Vegas, but Vegas' loyalty is never questioned by Gun, even when Gun's motives are question by Vegas. Simply fascinating.

I really like this choice as a final scene, because it sets us up as the viewer to know that there's definitely more secrets in that house than there are guns, and it also gives us a heads up that there's going to be a hidden motive when it comes to anything Vegas does in the coming episodes. It's just some really engaging storytelling, you know?

But anyway, we'll consider those my final thoughts. FYI, this post is over 2,000 words, I was not kidding when I said I put more into it than some of my college level papers. Also, it might have been longer, but my browser crashed as I was finishing everything out and adding the gifs, and so some of my thoughts have been lost to the sands of time and the whims of Google Chrome. If you actually read this whole thing...here's some behind the scenes wet Mile (courtesy of daikunart). Thanks.

[menalez]

while bisexuals who claim to be "ex-gays" are a problem, and contribute to the erasure of natural ssa (both bisexual and homosexual) these people are also. literally involved in homophobic religions that praise them for this behavior and punish them for exhibiting ssa. so I don't understand why these bisexuals (who are being victimized) are to blame for this. heterosexuals impose this behavior on bisexual and homosexual people. homophobic religious freaks don't want any ssa to exist, whether you act on it or not (bc sinful thoughts are as bad as sinful actions to them), which is why they don't call these people bisexual either. they are "ex gays" or "reformed gays." not bisexuals who have come to the light or anything like that. being bisexual is not a preferable thing to these monsters. it is deeply depressing that homophobic heterosexual religious people can strip others of their most basic identities like this, and I don't understand why you think these bisexuals are just having a good time being repressed like this. these aren't bisexuals who ended up in an osa relationship and are claiming to still be "soooo gay" (which is absolutely wrong and stupid), they are no longer allowed to talk about their full identity. a heterosexual woman with 14 kids by age 35 is obviously being subjugated. her telling other women and girls that this is good and what they were "made to do" is wrong, but these ideas didn't spawn in her head from birth, she was groomed to think that, and deserves a certain amount of compassion if we hope to get her out of that situation. please offer compassion to bisexual people too

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think they’re the root of the problem and ofc they’re the symptom of an existing problem and are then used as tools to promote these things. they allow for themselves to be tools to promote conversion therapy, homophobic rhetoric, “corrective” rape, etc. my point, though, wasn’t “look how evil bisexuals are and how they’re the root of all gay ppl’s problems!”, my point was that someone pretending to be gay while FULLY AWARE that they are bi is not equal to someone pretending to be bi while fully aware that they are gay. gay people faking being OSA on top of being SSA, deliberately, are not then used to promote the idea that bisexuals should undergo conversion therapy or pray to satan or w/e to cure themselves of their opposite sex attraction. it’s not used to promote the idea that if bisexuals try with being the same sex enough, maybe they’ll stop being bi and become gay instead. on the other hand, bisexuals who pretended to be gay are absolutely used as prime examples of conversion therapy “working”. they even are the primary people you’ll see in the countless propaganda videos about “ex-gays” and “ex-homosexuals” and “ex-lesbians” etc. the harm done is more than just validating homophobes’ beliefs that homosexuality is a choice.

also tbh yes the ppl who promote conversion therapy rhetoric are to blame for their own actions. even if they’re also victims. if a woman, for example, uses her platform to promote misogynistic rhetoric, no she’s not the root of misogynistic rhetoric nor is she the main problem in the situation but she absolutely is to blame for her own actions ie the promotion of prejudiced ideals.

the claim that “sinful thoughts” are equal to “sinful actions” to religious people is purely false. go watch many of the ex-gays and you’ll see them talk of sometimes “struggling” with same sex attraction but being praised + praising themselves for not acting on it. you’ll see plenty of “ex-gay” movements place emphasis on not acting on SSA more than on reducing the “thoughts” of SSA. religious people absolutely do view acting on one’s same sex attraction as worse than just having thoughts. they say so repeatedly.

so yes, they are victims in their own right, as are gay people who promote this shit. but no, that doesn’t justify them literally promoting conversion therapy and corrective rape and homophobia. i think you missed what my point was tho because you’re arguing things i wasn’t talking about, i was saying pretending to be bi as a gay person does not have equal harm to pretending to be gay as a bi person, not that bi ppl are the root of all evil or something.

[tailsrevane]

[comic & movie review] superman: red son

“i don’t blame those among you that fear me, for you’ve been taught to fear all your lives. and if you learn nothing else today, learn this. we in the soviet union do not oppose the citizens of the united states. we only oppose the government that oppresses you. our sole desire is for peace and equality among all men.”

superman: red son (comic 2003) writer: mark millar artists: various

superman: red son (movie 2020)

i mean, you knew i’d have stuff to say about this one. let’s not kid ourselves.

to dispense with the obvious, no this isn’t a fair portrayal of the soviet union. not that that’s necessarily ever going to be the point of a superhero story, but look at how your average superman comic treats the united states. clark’s entire deal is “truth, justice and the american way.” you don’t get a lot of pages devoted to imperialist aggression or mass incarceration. also like, yeah i’m not about to pretend the soviet union was perfect, but the version of “history” on display here is like victims of communism memorial foundation-level propagandizing.

the movie inherits a lot of the same problems as the comic, and even at times portrays some of the more problematic distortions of history in even more vivid detail… but in a lot of ways it’s actually drastically better until it isn’t???

for one thing, superman’s dedication to actual communist principles is demonstrated much more effectively through changes both small and massive. like, his public appearance early in the story is just some random demonstration in the comic, but in the movie it’s the unveiling of a new hydroelectric dam that superman helped build. and when he’s given what he considers an undue amount of credit for the project’s success, he actively pushes the credit back on to everyone who was working with him. and throughout the film, we see him earnestly expressing actual communist ideals.

quite a bit is also done to humanize superman in the film. we see flashbacks to his childhood, which is completely absent in the comic. and we also get quite a bit more fleshing out in his relationship with wonder woman, which is way better than the comic… until it isn’t. but we’ll get back to that. supes and wonder woman meet, immediately form a bond, supes assumes wondie wants him to bed her and she’s like whoa hi no when he goes to kiss her, and he’s actually relieved??? and she says “i come from an island of all women. work it out for yourself,” which is just an incredible line, thank you for that! and the two agree to become friends and their relationship becomes even warmer from that point on.

honestly, if you look at superman as an actual expression of the highest ideals of communism struggling against some of the internal contradictions that–combined with western interference–ultimately doomed the soviet union, this would be a good movie up until that point. yeah, there were some pretty wild distortions of history to set up that conflict, but it’s not completely wrong?

it’s… also not completely clear to me how he got from there to having dissidents turned into cyborg slaves. that jumped out less as weird in the comic because everything was weird and wrong, but it was kind of funny that early in the movie i basically said out loud “i wonder how they’re going to get from here to the whole cyborg slave thing” and they just… there wasn’t a “getting there.” it was just like, “oh, okay, we’re doing this now.” i guess the writers of both the comic and movie think it’s just a natural thing to put in your warped communism metaphor and there’s no reason whatsoever to explain it. i don’t know. it’s just kind of hilariously bad.

even at this point, superman isn’t entirely demonized by the movie? he refuses brainiac’s urging to invade the u.s., and it isn’t until the u.s. attacks with their reverse-engineered green lanterns that he responds. and after defeating the lanterns, he goes right to the white house, right to lex. right to the heart of the problem.

oh, let’s talk about this movie’s incredibly strange brand of, uh, “feminism”?

when superman announces his intentions after rescuing metropolis from the falling satellite, lois demands “what about women?” and like, hey lois? i think if we applied a fine-tooth comb we might find one or two or ten thousand ways in which the u.s. was far behind the soviet union in that department at the time?

it’s a totally fair thing to fight for within the revolution, but an absolutely ludicrous thing to try to use to discredit it from the outside. and like… wonder woman, like superman, devolves into a total caricature of herself late in the movie and fully like 90% of her lines become about how men are evil and it’s just… it’s just weird. and uncomfortable. and not earned by the narrative at all.

honestly, even though parts of it are just ridiculously bad, even the latter portions of the movie could be read as a metaphor for how decisionmaking in the soviet union became increasingly centralized and the average person became disengaged with the revolution, until eventually they could only watch helplessly as the soviet union was dissolved, the revolution ended, with no recourse but to try to live in a world that suddenly had one fewer beacon of hope.

superman was right when he and his comrades built that dam. we don’t need a single hero we can look up to to solve all our problems, we need to solve them together. and that’s why no matter what, we will keep fighting.

comic: c-rank movie: b-rank

[aroace-cat-lady]

Heat Wave (TJ KLUNE)

Im never gonna forgive TJK for what he just did to me. This book was a RIDE. I laughed, I cried, I lost my mind and I screamed YOU SICK SON A BITC- more times than I'm proud of.

I finished the trilogy less than an hour ago and I'm already griving the characters, because I miss them. It's so weird, but I a part of me is telling me that we didn't have enough of them. Which is absurd because if TJK is good at something is at giving his characters the amount of scenes that they deserve. But for some reason I don't feel satisfied this time. At all.

Don't get me wrong, this was a hella good last book. The last chapter and the epilogue had me sobbing so bad my cat started to worry. The plot, the action scenes, the character development, the resolution. Just perfect.

But god, I didn't have enough of it. And I think that that might have been the point.

The series talks about being queer, young and different. It talk about being underestimated because of that. About fighting for your right of being loud and making your own decisions, of being treat as an equal. Talks about how you actually don't need superpowers to be a hero, or extraordinary. About learning to live with our past, with our mistakes and all the things we've lost. But above all, it talks about hope. Hope we won't lose nothing more, hope we can have the future we are fighting for, hope things will get better, that we can make them better.

So yeah, I will miss these characters forever, because they are young and have a wonderful life to live, and we only get to see a small fraction of what they'll become. And I'll miss them because they gave me so much hope.

I don't know what else I can say that I haven't said before, so I'll just drop a few of my favorite quotes from this book:

"I don’t need you to be my hero because I’m already my goddamn hero."

"Trust, remember? You and me. I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine.” “You and me,” Dad whispered back. “Always.”

"This was where they’d lived with her. This was where they’d laughed and cried, where they’d argued and then forgiven"

“The future is scary because it’s unknown. But look at us now. Look at all we’ve done.”

"My brain is my superpower, but it’s not the only one I’ve got."

“We’re extraordinary,” Nicholas Bell whispered as he closed his eyes. And breathed.

Oh, one last thing: fuck you TJK for making me have feelings. Not cool, bro. Not cool at all

[pregnant-and-addicted]

~PLEASE FOLLOW ME TO SUPPORT ME AND TO STAY UPDATED WITH HOW MY CRISIS UNFOLDS! I WILL FOLLOW YOU BACK~

So basically, everything is as screwed up now as it could possibly be and at this rate I'm set to lose my son to CPS, but I'm not going to let that happen which means I'm going to have to take some drastic steps here in the next week, all while praying that I can stay out of preterm labor because I've begun having symptoms of upcoming labor and I've only got a mere 30ish days remaining. My methadone program has utterly refused to help out with getting me stabilized and off of the illicit substances, and today I put in one final attempt at getting them to help me via appealing to them one last time by asking that they please allow me to get my dosage raised high enough, to around 100mgs, that it will allow me to begin to rapidly and safely decrease my opioid dosage and achieve a clean test before I end up going into labor, but if this does not end up being possible, I have a small amount of Methadone that I've saved up to combine with the 65mgs that I'm currently on now, for the first three days, while discontinuing Fentanyl, and even though it still probably won't be enough and I will be experiencing some symptoms of withdrawal, I will just bite the bullet and put up with it. The one thing I'm waiting for is for a new RX of Xanax to go through either on the 14th or 19th, as I will need this medication, along with probably Gabapentin, which I'm pretty certain I can get a prescription for, I should be able to endure the withdrawal and succeed in achieving a clean test before having to go into labor... Fingers crossed. Hopefully though, I will find out on Monday though that my Methadone clinic is finally willing to take my circumstances seriously and begin allowing me a clinically relevant dose of Methadone on Monday. I am not hopeful nor expecting to receive anything from them though to be honest, but we will see what happens.

The other order of business is the state of affairs in my apartment, which I have let become an unbearably huge mess so extreme that you can barely even get my front door open at present! This will NEVER in a million years pass any kind of home inspection that may be required by CPS, let alone is there any space to build an area for the baby and get all the required necessities together. My mom is going to help me afford everything that I need for him, but first I've got to get this total mess cleaned up. I am committed to doing it and my baby's dad is living here with me and is equally committed to getting this mess fixed up... I'm beginning on this TONIGHT and I hope to finish it over this same night as its only 600sq ft in here, but achieving any success in this endeavor tonight will be a success as it may end up taking more than a day or two to get finished up. I have gotten it fixed up before in only a day's time for the purpose of a manager inspection. I need to get this done BEFORE having to go into withdrawal though or I will be too sick to get it done. So this must begin tonight! I will take before and after pictures at the beginning and end of this project...

I am absolutely COMMITTED to doing what I have to do to become part of the >1% of drug addicts who manage to do what everyone says isn't possible for them. I know everyone is expecting me to fail in my endeavor but I will prove them all wrong. I want to keep my son and be a good mother to him and I'll do whatever is necessary to make that happen.

If by some stroke of bad luck he does begin to come early and I end up with a positive test and CPS has to get involved, I have family members who are willing and capable of taking him for the time necessary that it would take to get their requirements completed and in that case I will go ahead with whatever I have to do to regain custody but I am keeping the faith that it won't come to that and that I've still got just barely enough time...

Pray for me and wish me luck, I am going to need it!

--Pregnant & Addicted

~PLEASE FOLLOW ME TO SUPPORT ME AND TO STAY UPDATED WITH HOW MY CRISIS UNFOLDS! I WILL FOLLOW YOU BACK~