#the crown jewel scene fucked

[zrch4]

Moriarty is Irish not English btw! Theres a very big difference

? when did i say hes english also the acd canon never specified that hes irish, people perceived so cuz the names irish

[ultfreakme]

I hope the Zuko movie opens with Mai and Zuko getting married, but you can just tell something is wrong. They’re smiling and greeting guests but there’s this distance between them. Cut to Mai, and she’s thinking about right before the wedding and Ty Lee is helping her get into her wedding clothes.

And Ty Lee’s like “I bet married life’s going to look great on you.” Mai just gives her a look, initially it seems cold, impassive, but then she frowns and Ty Lee giggles and says “You make a beautiful bride.” Mai’s brows furrow and all that, “You don’t have to lie.” Ty Lee; “I’m not lying, you’re beautiful, always were”. And then they lean closer and closer, eyes hooded and right when you think their lips are about to brush the door of the dressing room opens and Mai’s mom comes in and she fixes up Mai’s clothes and checks on everything. She’s like “Don’t mess this up.” Mai says “I won’t, obviously, what’s there to mess up?” AND SHE’S LOOKING RIGHT AT TY LEE.

The wedding’s done, but the Fire Lady is in love with a Kyoshi Warrior who is her personal guard and the entire thing is about them realizing no fuck this we’re done(Zuko knows okay he knows, or he eventually finds out but his ain’t about him).

(eventual divorce, mailee elope, Zuko’s like ‘I should’ve seen this coming’. Gaang, everyone in the FN court and Azula who saw this coming miles away: ‘I’m not gonna say anything’)

[evilminji]

Okay, But, >.> Listen...

So MAYBE, just MAYBE, I am an incureable RoFan Isekai nerd. Shut up about it, maybe. What're you a cop? Mind your business. BUT! And hear me out...

W...What would actually? HAPPEN if Danny went into a Visual Novel? Some Otome game? You know, aside from being vague flustered by and then DEEPLY ALARMED by these walking Red Flag Fruitloops that girls are supposed to find "dreamy" or something?

Like we know how MMOs work for him. And probably OTHER open world games? But a visual novel? Would it be like the Christmas Episode? Would he hear narration? Be stuck in static "scenes"? Or would it be like a cut together "only the interesting parts" movie that he's somehow IN?

Like?? At SOME point his curiosity is gonna get the best of him. He's gonna want to know what different video games are LIKE on the inside? What's Pong like? Tetris? Mario? One of those Mama's cooking games? Etc etc.

He probably hits up a game sale. Buys a box or two. Figures he can always resell um or just give them away for free. Might even use them for parts. Who knows. And?

It's kinda cool!

It's even SCIENCE! See? Tucker's in charge of notes. Sam's in charge of hilarious commentary and pizza. Jazz is keeping them from drinking and doing ghost shit (terrible combination, we never speak of What Happened(tm) again). And the Dr's. Fenton got distracted by making fudge and debating what games should be counted towards which categories.

They've made an afternoon of it.

And NOW? They've reached the bottom of box one. It was "Survive The Villainess! My Rose for You!" Or... judging by Sam's climbing eyebrows and growing scowl? A DEEPLY unpleasant porn game about school girls.

You could not PAY him enough.

Yeah, he DOES realistically kinda want to know what happens.. if.. like? You know... sexy games... like would he? Or does he just WATCH or...? *awkward cough* But! That's NOT for Family Science Night! And DEFINITELY not THAT game, THANKS.

He'll find himself an ETHICALLY SOURCED smutty game full of consensual boning. For PRIVATE TIME. Those test results are gonna show up like MAGIC and we WILL NOT be talking about them! Got it? Good.

Now what the fuck is he look at here?

Jazz is surprisingly knowledgeable. They are not allowed to ask. They respect it. The main character "wakes up" inside the body of a "villainess" and must survive. Turn her terrible reputation around. Avoid "death flags". Preferably romance one of the hot guys?

Uuuuuuuh... you realize Danny's in a committed relationship, right?

Sam and Turker allow it. But they reserve the right to blast his taste in Fantasy Guy's. Chose carefully, for their roasting shall be BRUTAL. Luuuuuv yoooou~♡

He wants a divorce. They're not even MARRIED and he wants a divorce. You see how they mock him, Jazz? The cruelty he suffers? He's taking the Blobs and moving to Frightknight's. They always warned him about you living folks and your fast ways, but he didn't listen! *continued dramatics* *is smacked with a pillow*

But actually going IN? The weirdly, vaguely European over the top EVERYTHING? Giant jewels and ridiculous, fancy dresses? The walking red flag Romantic Archtype Leads? He wants to PUNCH half these guys! This is ABUSE! Are people OKAY!?

Like? I feel like he'd stay way, WAY longer then he needed too? Just out of morbid curiosity? W-where is this plot GOING? It's so dramatic. Why is my dress MORE dramatic now? Why is everything so... Sparkly.

It would be? AMAZING and baffling and I would pay real money to hear their live commentary. "Why not simply judo flip the crown prince off the balcony, then take over the country, sweetie?" "Solid plan, honey! He deserves it!" Beautiful. Flawless. Sage advice really. Too bad Danny can barely walk in his five million bows dress.

It's the BEST Au and I might be a genius. Or deeply sleep deprived. Meh. We'll 50/50 it, six of one, half a dozen of another.

@hdgnj @ailithnight @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

[st-hedge]

I did a speedrun of the ganlink ao3 tag and gathered up as many fics as I could find that I had read and enjoyed (some are missing). U can click on the titles for the hyperlinks, I have made note of the ratings, but to keep the list concise I haven't copied in the summaries and haven't included my thoughts at length. But I've enjoyed them all so here u go :)

Signs of radiance by tciddaemina (E) 20k+ words

I uhh…. The plot goes hard but the… the… is. Is hot AHEM

Come the eclipse by tciddaemina (E) 1.5k+ words

Sequel to ‘signs of radiance’, i’m sending chef kisses to this one

Reckon the stars by ziskeyt (M) (BotW) 60k+ words -work in progress 

Ever read something that is so rich in world building that u feel like u are getting taken by the hand and pulled through a scene

One way or another by wouldyouknowmore (E) (BotW) 4.5k+ words

Yes this one is very hot but what got me hooked is how hard the exchanges made me laugh

To know you by prompoms (E) (BotW) 9k+ words

FILTH FILTH FILTH *breathes heavily into a paper bag*

Overtime by degradedpsychotic (E)  9k+ words

*claws up walls and hangs off the ceiling fan* SO FILTHY AND FUNNY YES

Sweet dreams by tirsynni (G) (OoT) 995 words

This fic is just so sad and pretty 

Touch of forbidden by tirsynni (G) (OoT) 1.5k+ words

Ever see a concept and just go yooooooo

The crown jewel by nicxan (G) 3k+ words

Still one of the cutest fucking fics i’ve read

Hiraeth by acris_kerd (nsfw) (OoT) 30k+ words - work in progress

I will never ever recover from the characterisation in this fic. Absolutely do carefully read the tags if u want to give this fic a shot. The angst is just so satisfying, Link and Ganon are such flawed people who are terrible to each other, and then the gradual development that makes me want to throw myself at a wall. I’ve re-read the available chapters so many times

[opbackgrounds]

So I finished the live action and have taken a little time to get my thoughts together, and I'm very much of two minds about this show. I don't seem to be quite as high on it as some other people and the parts I didn't like I *really* didn't like, but I think the bones of the show are good and that the problems I had could be improved upon in future seasons.

More detailed thoughts under the cut

I've said all along that the live action will need to carve out its own identity if it wants to survive, that it needed not to copy the source material, but rhyme with it.

I feel like the first four episodes do that best. There was a lot to cover in the East Blue, and the more disconnected, episodic nature of the manga wasn't going to work. The solution was to combine and condense the manga content, and then add a significant B plot with the marines to help tie everything together.

The problem I have is that the addition of the marines takes away too much time from the Straw Hats without adding enough to make it worth it in the end. While backstories and story arcs were rushed to hell for our main crew, everything with Garp slogged, with the final payoff being nonsensical and poorly executed. I get what they were trying to do with Garp, shifting from childish temper tantrums to laughing maniacally, but it just doesn't work. Garp just doesn't work. Which is a shame, because I think that the growth for Koby and Helmeppo had a lot of potential and the actors exceeded my expectations. The material they had to work with just wasn't good enough.

Syrup Villiage worked best for me, because of all the arcs in the manga it was the most dragged out and poorly executed. It benefits from being condensed and leaning into the horror vibe over the generic shonen battle of the original was inspired. Plus, it validated my head canon of Kuro poisoning Kaya, which is always a nice feeling.

But even here, there's a knock-on effect of what came before it. Because Shells Town and Orange Town were cut down so drastically, Zoro's backstory and some of Nami's development were kicked on down the line, making Usopp more of a bystander in the arc where he should have shined the brightest. Later on the Baratie, Sanji's inner turmoil and struggle to follow his dream is reduced down to a "hey, the chore boy offered me a job, I'm gonna bounce".

And for what? So we can spend a painfully long scene of Garp eating a fucking steak?

The show needed its original ten episodes of runtime to let the characters just breathe. The chemistry amongst the crew is great, there are cinematic moments that took my breath away, the soundtrack is fire, the fights were enjoyable, and the set design is fantastic, but the depth of the manga is flattened. In the East Blue, every villain--even the shitty ones--acted as double foils. For example, Captain Morgan's narcissism contrasted with Zoro's willingness to throw away his good name in order to follow his dream, where his more villainous nature foiled Koby's heroism. In the show, Morgan barely counts as a villain, with his more disturbing and evocative acts such as telling his subordinates to shoot themselves (and more chillingly, them willing to do it) are cut out entirely, and it makes Garp's decision to later tie him up to the same post as Zoro seem almost insane.

Of all the arcs, Arlong Park left the worst taste in my mouth, which is so frustrating when it's supposed to be the crown jewel of the season. The changes they made to Nojiko are baffling and the one time I honestly don't understand why a change was made. Nami's backstory, the most powerful in the East Blue, was chopped into pieces and condensed so much that I felt nothing when Bellemere died. Luffy's decision to actually listen to Nami's backstory, while it made sense for this version of the character, went so against the spirit of the original that it took me out of the moment, as well as removing one of the aspects that makes Luffy such a unique character in the first place.

And for what, so the season had time to end with Luffy fighting Garp in a hopeless fight, only for Garp to let him go because "it was all a test"? Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. The whole point of the East Blue is to establish the Straw Hat Pirates. They shouldn't be playing second fiddle to anyone, let alone this deranged, poorly written version of Garp.

I said that the bones of the show are good, and I stand by that. The Straw Hats are the Straw Hats. The One Piece world is the One Piece world. I do remain hopeful for improvements should there be a season two, because the marine B plot with Smoker is already in the manga, and the overarching story of Alabasta gives the writers the ability to be more flexible with the limited time that they have. I have to believe that it's easier doing one big story over the course of a season than it is trying to shove 5 origin stories into 8 episodes, but I'm not a TV person so I might be wrong.

However, my concern is that in some ways season one benefited from the pandemic. The series was in pre-production for like 7 years, and all the interviews I've read have credited the extra time the series had in the developmental oven for my favorite aspects of the show--particularly the sets. That's not going to necessarily the case going forward, and my worry is if future seasons aren't given the time to get it right that it's all going to fall apart. At the same time they can't wait too long, because that's not how live action works.

The live action isn't a bad show, but it isn't a good show, either. I'm glad that it exists, even if it's only to point back to the original. I wouldn't be devistated if it were cancelled, but would certainly check out season two should it get renewed.

Just, please. No more Garp. I'm begging Matt Owens and Oda himself, please. Just let the man do cool stuff off screen for a couple seasons, and when he's reintroduced pretend all this never happened. Your show will be better for it, I promise.

[beesmygod]

REVERSE ENGINEERING THE PURPOSE OF THE CROWN OF ILLUSIONS

just hear me out. then you can tell me if im insane.

in bloodborne, there is a unique piece of head wear called "the crown of illusions". it serves a single purpose: to open an illusory wall revealing the location of an otherwise entirely hidden NPC, annalise, queen of the vilebloods.

the crown is dropped after a boss battle and you are intended to put it on immediately after the fight so that the fake wall can be revealed in a cut scene. they did NOT want you to miss this mechanic. otherwise, why not simply have the throne room blocked by a fog gate? its fine for other bosses, right?

this mechanic is never used again. this is insanely weird because 1. there are other illusory walls in the game specifically in the chalice dungeons (twice, i believe, in the lowest possible levels). however, they function like standard fromsoft illusory walls and are revealed by hitting them with a weapon. the crown does nothing. and 2. there is otherwise no satisfactory explanation for this mechanic at all.

i have often expressed my frustration that when things dont "line up" in fromsoft games its chalked up to dev error or some flavor of "its all dreams/made up" which i refuse to entertain unless its the last possible explanation barring literally all others. this stupid crown has been bothering me for years because of how seemingly inexplicable it is. this has been doubled by the fact that the crown is not unique; alfred leaves a crown of his own (and must have had it to enter the queen's chambers) at the end of his quest and the titular sages of the "sage's hair" item are depicted as wearing crowns.

visually, the sage items are based off the real life concept of catacomb saints (and, in fact, i think "saint" would have been a better translation over "sage" considering this, but thats neither here nor there), hence the gems and jewels and crowns and shit. that part makes sense to me just fine. but where else would this illusion mechanic have been used?

ill tell you where: in the secret 4th layers of the "canon" (non-root) chalice dungeons!

canonically, there is only one chalice dungeon with a 4th layer, otherwise they all end at layer 3. this also intrigued me bc of its irregularity in a system of "dungeons" that are almost entirely copy-pasted rooms; why choose a completely random chalice in the middle of the sequence have an extra layer?

i came up with my own explanation for this that works a treat: the chalice in question, lower pthumeru, has rom the vacuous spider as its THIRD LAYER boss. rom is a boss you would have first encountered outside of the dungeons who has a unique ability: to block rituals and secrets from sight. the rom you fight in the main story is hiding a secret ritual and killing her reveals the ritual to the world. the rom you fight in the dungeons is hiding a secret layer of the labyrinth wherein the hunter will find a truly terrible secret: the source of the beast blood.

we now know this fourth layer IS narratively intended to be a secret layer...because EVERY story-related chalice dungeon had a secret 4th layer! they are "fully functional" if not a bit odd/broken (but not NEARLY not to the point of other hacked dungeons) but with bosses that either fucking suck or are placeholders (...or im coping lol). but look at this: ive timestamped this video at the point where the 4th layer elevator "reveals" itself!

other boss room exits are simply blocked by a fog wall (or, if you're on the last layer, it dead ends and you use the lamp to warp out). this "fade in" effect is the illusory reveal effect! as the linked post from the eternally fascinating hard work from r/tombprospectors reveals, there is some weird ass shit in these layers. enough that i started a red string wall of madness to try to keep track of it all. its not even weird stuff in a game dev way, i mean weird in a plot and lore way. its awesome lol.

the 4th layers were only discovered within the last 2 years. i am confident now about the mechanics of how this was intended to work, but still shaky on the ~lore implications~. what were kings and saints only permitted to see and access? what were they privy to that the rest of the populace of the dead civilization was not?

LORE THEORY: THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE AND USE OF THE CROWN OF ILLUSIONS WAS TO REVEAL SECRET 4TH LAYERS OF THE CHALICE DUNGEONS, AS EVIDENCED BY THEIR EXISTENCE IN THE GAME CODE AND MEANS OF ACCESS. THEY CHOPPED IT OUT DUE TO THE USUAL FROMSOFT DEV CYCLE INCLUDING A PART WHERE THEY SPILL EVERYTHING ON THE FLOOR MINUTES BEFORE LAUNCH AND HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK TOGETHER QUICKLY

[voasprofile]

rollo x reader that's like esmeralda

fem! yuu

also I like copied the first scene from the Disney version

rollo has old fashioned ideals? is that what it's called. just very catholi? christian? but like in the old no freedom for women way

also like yuu or you wears like revealing clothes or somewhat of that so beware of that

I kinda rushed this so probably shitty

I personally don't find it dark, but again very religious in a shame on you for wearing that type of way

I think that's all I need to warn you abt

also why the fuck did my azul fic flop😭😭 I think I loved that one the most soo... check it out (ik ik self promoting bitch)

azul fic

"see the finest girl in twisted wonderland! coming all the way from pomefiore in nrc! make an entrance to entrance! dance! yuu!" the announcer said before throwing down a handful of pink powder

it causing a small explosion and in his place, yuu dressed in the finest clothing. although a bit on the revealing side

a red dress with purple accents. a fitted off the shoulder top, with flowy short sleeves made of chiffon. the skirt was a pencil skirt shape that goes down to the ankles, but with a slit on the right side that goes up the upper thigh

her hair was down with a golden/silver headband adorned with rubies (or any jewels which color compliment you) her ears, wrists, and ankles also covered in gold/silver 

dancing to the song of the festival, with a chiffon fabric in hand. swaying and gliding in the stage as if it were ice

rollo was confused weather to be disgusted or entranced

he cannot deny that you were beautiful, ethereal even. if he were to categorize you, he would probably label you as a goddess

but your clothing, the way you present yourself. do you not have self respect? only modest women are respectable women

you continued to jump and dance around, when you then went to the other side of the stage. where rollo's chair was stationed

dancing around the chair before plopping yourself in his lap, bringing him in with the fabric. caressing his face, bringing your face toward his

before playfully exchanging the fabric with his hat, leaving him stunned

continuing the dance around the stage, a few flips, and a split. before taking a guards spear, stabbing it to the ground, and using it as a poll to spin around in

after spinning around a bit you stopped, facing the crowd posing, your right arm and leg up in the air

"and now ladies and gentlemen, here it is the moment you've been waiting for!" the announcer said as you left the stage

rook handing you a towel and a bottle of water. teasing you for taking the school presidents hat

after the event outside the nrc students left to their rooms to freshen up before the ball. they call it a ball but it was more of a casual socializing event

the guys were wearing suits that closely resemble their dorm uniform whilst yuu took a different approach

a form fitting purple spaghetti dress with a v-neckline and a slit also going up the thigh. and white tulle on her shoulders tied in the front

her hair styled with a small crown, and wearing stud earrings

rollo went and did his responsibility and conversed with the students of nrc

the chat was nice, no pauses too long to be considered awkward

the chat ended with some members departing, others sticking around

"pardon me? rollo, right?" yuu asked already knowing the answer

"hmm? yes you're correct" he said

"ah, I just wanted to return this, it would be awfully impolite for me just to keep it" yuu said handing over a box containing a freshly washed hat 

the two continued to converse, seemingly not running out of thing to talk about

they found out that they have a lot in common

from their hobbies to favourite foods, they were like the missing halves of each other

the moon was up in the middle of the sky, departing them

heading to her room yuu felt giddy, finding a gentleman like him

rollo however already planned how to talk to her again, researching her interest and likes

rollo doesn't like that sultry woman, no he couldn't. that could be considered a sin by itself 

but can you blame a man for being swayed by the siren's call?

in front of a fire place he repents, for conversing with such woman, for liking such woman

maybe he could be the one to bring her salvation. yes, who else could do it but him

so be a good girl and go with him, and he shall pave the way to both of your eternal paradise. with each other

[tired-reader-writer]

Arslan Senki Chapter 130 Live-reaction Commentary

WOAH that sword landed just shy of Innocentis' family jewels LOL.

Arslan sweating and panting even after he won 😭

Wait THE FLASHBACKS ARE MAKING ME EMOTIONAL LIKE HE'S A MOSAIC OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPORTED HIM TAUGHT HIM YOU GET WHAT I MEAN????

Gieve is surprisingly a good teacher, hot damn

Narsus and Elam and Alfarīd in the background of that scene!!

“Let them call me a coward. I've heard worse.” this line is so Gieve in ways I find difficult to articulate, it's just so him. Maybe it's that he doesn't care for stuff like honor and whatnot, he doesn't give a shit about those, and he's willing to go any lengths for the person he's loyal to. Looking at how he chose to make a villain out of himself in order to tap out of Peshawar before, yeah this tracks.

He only lowers his bow when it's clear Arslan has won.

Narsus turning back to nod at him! 👌

Oh god weapons do be going flying today, huh?

Okay, we all know there was no way Zandeh could've defeated Daryun, right?

But still, I couldn't help but wonder how much of a difference his new mace would've made in closing that gap of strength if his concentration hadn't been compromised by Hilmes' loss.

Like, he did say it's more suited to his strength so I couldn't help but speculate.

Him yeeting everything to the wayside in his desperation to get to his prince tho 👌

Arslan turns to Alfarīd knowing that Hilmes was the one who had killed her father... and Alfarīd understands that he, her friend, doesn't want to kill this man. They exchange knowing nods, and Arslan continues.

I really, really liked this little wordless exchange between them. The way Arslan doesn't forget Alfarīd, the way he turns to her, the way she understands him and the way she's willing to set her own grievances aside for the greater good... Sobs.

Zandeh's face after Arslan says, “But he bears responsibility for leading the Lusitanian army to this land and plunging my people into chaos. We will discuss this later. For now, find a room in the palace and wait there.” is... I don't know. It's doing something to me. Something about it just feels... raw. Vulnerable. Something like a kind of realization sinking in or maybe it's the adrenaline. Or maybe it's the adrenaline starting to wear off. Either way, it's quite something to behold.

Hilmes looking up, we don't get to see his eyes...

THEY'RE GOING UP THE TOWER.

Merlaine, Merlaine pls arrive first I need you to be with Arslan.

SHE SKIDS TO A HALT.

THERE HE IS.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

“If my banishment were revoked, would that make me Crown Prince by your side once more... Your Majesty?”

YOUR MAJESTY. NOT FATHER.

I'm going to lose my mind.

HOLY SHIT THAT ESCALATED REAL QUICK

ANDRAGORAS STOP TRYING TO KILL THE BOY WTF

OH FUCK INNOCENTIS LOOKS FUCKED UP

No, legit, that face is creeping me out WTF

AND THEY BOTH WENT FLYING OUT THE TOWER HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIT

And that's it! That's the chapter! That's where it fucking ended!

Hoooooooly fuck

Now for some additional thoughts:

Gieve and Zandeh both came into clutch as protective forces for their princes this chapter. I highly approve.

And who can forget Saam? Ever the diplomat, beseeching for mercy for his prince.

The acknowledgement between Arslan and Alfarīd still gets me.

All his life, Arslan has been chasing Andragoras as a son, wanting for parental love and approval as Andragoras puts that distance between him and his “son”. But now? Andragoras is trying to invoke filial piety to get the sword, while Arslan takes a step back and puts an emotional distance between them. Your Majesty. Your Majesty. Poetic cinema.

(if you wanna see me talking about Andragoras putting distance between himself and Arslan, it should be under my reread tag: #arslan senki reread)

Howst the fuck did Innocentis go loose? He was zoinked out on illness and fever, and he was never that physically strong to begin with. I wonder if there was some help from Team Zahhak to get him loose beyond just controlling/manipulating him?

Aaaaaand that's all the thoughts I have rn, I think! Holy shit what a chapter.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

RotG and HiJack Recs

Alright, I'm building this list because some of these fics are just a tad dusty, and they could use more love. (A lot more love, I am literally dying from how much I adored these.) But note that a good few are incomplete.

Let's start with:

INCOMPLETE FICS

The Long Road:

Presently Gen, but Hiccup very much falls for Jack. He does however retain his feelings for Astrid, so bear that in mind. There's the classic Viking mindset when it comes to homosexual relationships that's pretty much giving Hiccup like a lot of anxiety.

But beyond that! I cannot shower this fic with enough praises! It gives me the same sort of excitement that the RotG movie does. Jack's characterization is Spot On. He's friendly and outgoing and also incredibly secretive and flighty. It balances out Jack's blunt mannerisms with a joyous charm and just that hint of vulnerability (which he keeps so well hidden lol).

The plots take place after HttyD, during the Riders of Berk TV series. Jack is folded into the Dragon Rider group who considers him some kind of Elf. Yes, this is Jack Frost in all his frosty glory. The way the story builds on a solid foundation of camaraderie and friendship, giving plenty of scenes to show how Hiccup and Jack became great friends, lends well to the Hiccup's realization of: "Oh I'm into him". Without giving too many spoilers, that "oh" moment is forever ingrained into my memory because of how PERFECTLY timed it is.

This blends Guardians of Childhood book verse with HttyD book verse, mostly via cameos over lore. Overall, a beautiful, fun, and simply enchanting read. I cannot recommend this enough.

A Story about Ice, Dragon Fire, and Belief:

Another gen fic. Mostly, it's about North looking at Jack and going, "he's my son now", and Jack having absolutely none of it. When placed together with Stoik and Hiccup's relationship, it becomes an almost interesting study of contrasts. North is the guy who's trying to prove something to a boy that he disappointed. Hiccup is the guy who's trying to prove something to a man that he disappointed. But ultimately, it ends up the same with a schism forming between the two pairs the harder one of them tries to breach it.

Also, it talks about how Jack is a force of fucking nature? And his blizzards can kill and have killed in the past? There's a little bit of trying to reconcile that with his new ID as a guardian. North is not doing a great job helping here.

But really the Crown Jewel of this fic is North and Berk's reactions to North (and by proxy his relationship to Jack). We go a little into the historical Viking side of things (like the pillaging et al), and apply that lens to this jolly old man. Let's just say some troubling (hilarious) assumptions are drawn. Also...

Everyone loves the sleigh.

I think this is one of the few RotG and HttyD crossovers that really do a good job of merging the two movies. Primarily because it's not just Jack in Berk. And this just made me hungry for more fics where more of the RotG cast arrive as Berk, and be just 100% fantastical and strange as the bedtime stories they are. Put some respect on the Guardians name, if you know what I'm saying.

In the Shadows of My Mind:

This one is an RotG only fic. No pairings except for whatever's going on between Pitch and Nightlight (and by proxy Jack). It's not a for real pairing. That said, it's such a complex and intricate relationship that doesn't resemble a romance but remains markedly intimate. Basically, this fic takes advantage of Pitch and Nightlight's ridiculously long history then throws Jack into the mix. Alive, human Jack in an early 18th century colonial town wherein he very recently did not drown (and boy, isn't that suspicious?)

My favorite thing about this fic is how spot on the dialogue feels? The lexicon, the syntax feels true to the time its set in. Although, I can't say that it is accurate as I'm not an expert of this time period in this region. Regardless, it certainly appears that a good stack of research went into this.

All that said, this fic has captured Bill Joyce's writing style the best, but with a deeper, more complex, more mature layer underpining that bedtime like vibe. There's a good host of OCs but genuinely, I didn't notice them as OCs. I could really believe they were characters of Joyce's books. Not to mention, they feel like fully fleshed out individuals even if they have like maybe two paragraphs of screentime.

The entire premise hinges on the idea of "what if Jack survived the skating accident" and everyone's reactions to that, as well as... the hidden secret thing that involves Nightlight. GoC spoilers are hinted so beware. But the little interplay between Nightlight and Jack is such a delicious little mystery, and also makes me so sad. These two boys deserved better.

Then we throw in Pitch for fun, because Pitch is always fun, and he just makes the whole thing even more complicated or as Jack calls it, "unnatural". But he's not even the main villain. It's Christianity. JK. That said, the fic does explore the idea of well, how would a fairly backwater colony be able to explain how Jack survived or... the powers that's slowly revealing itself from within him. There's a particularly nasty boy (around Jack's age), who is an OC and I believe an exceptionally well placed one. The OC understood his role to play and he plays it fantastically. Everytime he shows up, I too feel scared and indignant and excited all at once.

Speaking of great OCs, shoutout to Jack's Da. His appearances are brief but the impact is maximized with each appearance. He has that sense of realism and whimsy baked into him that I could gush endlessly about.

Overall, just a pure delight to read. Will re-read again and again.

Zastruga:

Total Gen fic. And a classic in my opinion.

I started reading this when I was in college - note the publish date. Nevermind the update date. Because even after all these years, this story? Still good. Still very very good.

This takes the original RotG plot and makes it more epic, and also more sad. RotG was very joyful at its core, which this fic somehow manages to retain. But it's just under a layer of sad. It's not overwhelming angst though, just enough to really pinch your heart.

Also whereas the movie has a few epic battles before things go really wrong, this fic stretches that out into a proper war against Pitch (and Jack). That's right. Jack is with Pitch ala Mother Gothel/Judge Frollo style. Jack isn't locked up entirely. He's given just enough rope to hang himself with. Mind the Jack whump is what I'm saying. But also do note that Jack's character remains as steadfast and loyal as he ever was in RotG, so the whump just hits nicer since this Jack isn't so irrevocably changed.

I have re-read this before. I will re-read this again. Nevermind the incomplete status. There's plenty of chapters that simply give me great joy.

COMPLETE FICS

It's the Great Spirit Sleigh, Hiccup Haddock:

Gen fic, in that there's no pairing actively getting together. But remains faithful to the original canon's hinted love interests. So Hiccup has a big crush on Astrid and Jack leans towards Tooth. That said, the relationship between Hiccup and Jack is just plain adorable and also heart-wrenching. They care about each other. So Much.

Now this is just a good holiday cheer. It literally has the Hallmark movie template, which is the point really. You know, the whole "oh no, a holiday is ruined" followed by "clever and charming ways to fix the holiday". With Hiccup and Jack taking the starring roles.

If you know your Hallmark movies, then you know that the leads get together in the end. And they don't in this fic. But the amount of "Gosh do I care about you" is so good. It's a lot of hurt and a lot of comfort. And I am here for it.

Also, this fic was completed way before the HttyD 3 movie so it doesn't have a canon compliant ending. That may be a bonus for some of you.

Scary Monsters and Super Creeps:

Pre JackRabbit (Bunny/Jack). But honestly the pairing isn't the main focus, mostly that Jack and Bunny admit to liking each other (but not to each other). So their dynamic remains in the best bros category. The pairing mostly shows through the plot machinations.

So long story short, Pitch opens the Guardian-Verse and recruits the other versions of the Guardians - the corrupt versions. And it's good, action/adventure fun. There's some gore, so mind that. Because the corrupt versions are nasty little things that fight dirty. Which makes the action feel like there's legit stakes. Also makes for a quick read because you must know what happens next? Did they get out of this sticky situation? Are they going to be okay? That sort of thing.

[lesbincineroar]

sbr anime is gonna be my marie antoinette moment. truly fucking let them eat cake i hope its a crown jewel in the jojo series i hope grandguerrilla puts as much yaoi as they let him in there etc etc i hope davpro lets them ahve cowboy sex i hope they include diegos 80 yr old sugar mama and also extend the dinopants sloppy makeout scene to be 100 minutes. conversely it can also be bad in a funny way i hope those cgi dinosaurs and horses look stupid as fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkk

[moonlightdancer26]

Snucius Being A Perfect Match — A gift for my wifey @halfblood-princes-crown

GUYS!!!!!!! It’s the love of my life aka @halfblood-princes-crown’s birthday today! As my birthday gift to him, and because I know Snucius is his OTP, this is a “Snucius + Narcissa (with a side of Bellatrix and Regulus) being a chaotic duo/trio” post <3

Enjoy:

******

Snape: Petition to remove the ‘d’ from Wednesday 
Lucius: Wednesay 
Snape: Not what I had in mind, but I’m flexible

******

Snape: Why are you on the floor?
Lucius: I’m depressed.
Lucius: Also I was stabbed, can you get Narcissa, please?

******

Lucius: I love you guys, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me.
Snape: We’re the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Lucius: Yes!
Narcissa: I’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

******

Bellatrix: *Screams*
Narcissa: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Lucius: Should we do something?
Snape: No, I want to see who wins.

******

Snape: How have none of you people hear what I just said? 
Lucius: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. 
Narcissa: I got distracted about halfway through. 
Bellatrix: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

******

Bellatrix: I just ended a four year relationship.
Narcissa: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Bellatrix: Hm? Oh yes, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Snape and Lucius fighting from across the room*

******

Snape: There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous — an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet. 
Lucius:

Narcissa:

Regulus:
Bellatrix:

Rosier:
Everyone Else At Snape’s Surprise Birthday Party: 
Lucius: Severus… all I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

******

Snape: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Lucius: ‘Prettiest Smile’

Narcissa: ‘Nicest Personality’

Bellatrix: ‘Most likely to start a bar fight’

Regulus: ‘Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one’

******

Lucius: If there’s going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Snape: Of course, Lucius. I cannot flip this table by myself.

******

Snape: I think I’m having a mid-life crisis. 
Lucius: You’re 19 years old 
Snape: I MIGHT DIE AT LIKE 38

******

Lucius: You love me, right, Severus?
Snape: Normally, I’d answer yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

******

Snape: Lucius and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other’s-
Lucius: -sentences. 
Snape: Do not interrupt me.

******

Lucius: So that’s my plan.
Snape: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Lucius: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Snape: It fucking sucks.
Lucius: First of all, that’s not constructive criticism.

******

Lucius: Severus, I only ever see you awake, do you ever take a nap or stop running? 
Snape: Oh, I’m always running 
Snape: The question is… (*dramatic Movie!Snape pause*) from what.

******

Snape: I’m a reverse necromancer.
Lucius: Isn’t that just killing people?
Snape: Ah yes, technicality.

******

Lucius: Severus, love, it’s your turn to wash dishes. 
Snape: I’LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD. 
Lucius: Fine, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

******

Lucius: You know, Narcissa and I are starting to regret showing you how that blender works. 
Snape, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

******

Lucius: Okay, help me please!
Snape: I have two words for you

Lucius: I bet they won’t be helpful.
Snape: Your problem.
Lucius: I was right

******

Lucius: Aw Severus! Look at you, getting all romantic with these candles!

Snape: Who said anything about being romantic?

Snape: Maybe I’m going to sacrifice you.

******

Lucius: You know, Severus, I can never tell if you’re insulting me or flirting with me.

Snape: If it makes you feel any better, me neither.

******

Narcissa: This is a catastrophe! The printer messed up the invitation! It was supposed to say “Lucius’s birthday!”

Snape: What does it say instead?

Narcissa: Lucius’s bi.

Snape:

Snape: Still works.

******

Lucius: *pretends to stretch*

Lucius: *puts arm around Snape’s shoulder*

Snape:

Snape: *pretends to stretch*

Snape: *smacks Lucius in the face*

******

Snape: Are you seeing someone?

Lucius, blushing: No, why?

Snape: I don’t know, I simply thought that perhaps you would benefit from seeing a therapist or something.

******

Snape: So, Lucius sent me an owl saying “your adorable” and I sent him one back saying “no, YOU’RE adorable.”

Narcissa: And?

Snape: And now we’re dating.

Narcissa:

Snape: We’ve been on six dates thus far and I have yet to tell him I was merely correcting a spelling mistake but I kind of like him so...

******

Narcissa to Lucius and Snape: This is such a bad idea.

Snape: Then why are you coming along?

Narcissa: One of us needs to be able to talk the aurors out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

[swearyshera]

Advance apology for the long ask in a likely sea of 'em. A lot of people talk about wishing they could experience something they love again for the first time, this series was genuinely as close to that as I've ever felt. Just given the span of time my attention flucuated on and off but once the latter half of s4/s5 began my attention was absolutely nailed to your feed. Its up with Dragon Ball Z Abridged as parody series that become so dramatically effective they become a valid or definitive way to experience the series. Goddamned sensational.

Your portrayals of the characters soar. They provide a hilarious, cruder take on each that still cuts right to the soul of who these people are and lays it bare, which I think is the mission of any good-natured parody. Adora, Catra, Glimmer, Scorpia, Bow, Prime etc. There is not one that does not shine. It tackled a ton of issues and misgivings I had about canon, and even elevated or clarified many scenes and arcs through addressing them a more direct fashion. You took full advantage of not having to dress up and dance around the dark subjects canon was sort of doomed to handle inadequately given its age bracket and thematic priorities. Many scenes were jawdropping. Ive raved about it before, but your scene with Glimmer actually talking about her mom with Catra still leaves me gobsmacked every time I reread it. Your big moments towards the finale btwn Adora and Catra are obviously sublime and tie their wonderful arc off fantastically, but in my heart of hearts that cell talk will be the crown jewel of this project. Loved seeing the LGBT message take center stage in way canon had to hold back. To paraphrase Tolkien, I'm can't count myself among those gifted people, and youve def got a target audience in mind, but if youve ever worried if your stories resonate on a quote unquote "more universal" level, I promise you can put those worries to bed. Since becoming an adult ive intentionally sought out more and more queer-inclusive/created stories and I havent regretted it a bit, and the rising tide of fascist sexist/homo/transphobic bile in politics gets more and more frightening. But I've also seen how strong and resilient LGBT people are in the face of it, empowering themselves in no small part thru stories like yours. Please don't ever give up on your art. The world needs artists like you. Sorry if I come off pretentious or condescending, I feel like that when I try to get everything I think out at once. I'll be among the first to come running if you ever start another project like this or make something on an even grander scale. Thank you a thousand times for this. Also writing a wholeass sitcom pilot based on an offhand quasi-joke I made is the most weirdly touching thing I think anyones ever done "for me" (at least nominally cuz of me), especially a stranger. So thank you for that too.

Aw, you'll make me cry, you know! I think you've understood everything I wanted to do with this strip (or at least, when I started thinking beyond just 'characters saying fuck'), and... yeah, it's been an incredible journey, both for the blog and for me personally.

I've always tried to keep the parody good-natured. You can often tell, particularly in parody, when the creator dislikes one particular character (I mean, Horde Prime was probably the exception here), but I love all of them, so it really comes from a place of love. It's quite odd because I never set out to "fix" the show, and I wouldn't want to, but some things I've done seem to have had such an impact that a lot of people think I have done just that.

The Glimmer/Catra conversation is absolutely one of my favourite things I've written from this. It's such a pivotal moment in both their stories and character development, and I am truly humbled that multiple people have called it 'better than canon'. Like... I'm just some person trying to be funny and occasionally serious, and people are saying something I wrote is better than what a team of experienced professional writers did? Give over, no... But it's still a moment I can be proud of.

I won't be stopping writing things. This whole blog has given me a new lease of life and something to aim towards. I've got an excellent pilot script pretty much finished, and I do want to bring Hellspawn up to that standard too (thank you for suggesting someone make a Sweary Frosta sitcom - I'm someone!). That may well involve a complete re-write, but I'll be sure to share it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words along the way. It really keeps me going :)

[lonesomedreamer]

The Rings of Power Liveblog: Adrift (Episode 2)

In between watching the first and second halves of this episode, I was looking back through the Appendices and realized that the events this series covers, from the reemergence of Sauron in Middle-earth to the eventual forging of the various Rings, span 1200 years! So it’s kind of absurd to think of them somehow adapting those events “accurately” (which makes you wonder why they made some of the narrative choices they did…).

The idea of Galadriel swimming back across the sea to Middle-earth is laughable, but tbh what else can she attempt to do in this situation?

The fire around the Stranger isn’t hot because…magic, I guess?

Nori’s a darling.

Arondir is being all self-sacrificing and stupid noble by going to explore the scary tunnels alone…good thing he probably has plot armor.

People who haven’t read The Silmarillion: Who the fuck is Fëanor? What are the Silmarils?!?

Helpfully, Elrond tells us that they were “the jewels that contain the very light of Valinor.” Oversimplified, sure, but that’s the kind of exposition the first episode needed: Tolkien 101 for people who know nothing about Tolkien (beyond, probably, some movies)!

As someone who can’t roll their Rs, the aggressively exaggerated pronunciation of “Sauron,” “Morgoth,” and now “Silmaril” makes me feel…kind of inept.

That said, a) do they even have the rights to tell this Morgoth story? and b) exposition between two characters who already know it (and I guarantee that Elrond knows the story Celebrimbor is telling rn…) is mildly annoying.

Elrond Half-elven, “as noble and fair as an elf-lord, as strong as a warrior, as wise as a wizard, as venerable as a king of dwarves, and as kind as summer” a Kiss-ass

Good set design! Tbh, I wish Rivendell had been portrayed more like this in the PJ movies: a little richer, with more wood and warm golden light.

Why is Celebrimbor in such an arbitrary hurry to build this forge? A few months is nothing to an Elf!

“How far outside [our own race]?” Well, I just don’t know, Celebrimbor, who else in Middle-earth is renowned for their metallurgy? Which race has yet to be portrayed in this—oh, right.

Please book me a trip to Middle-earth.

“Their prince, Durin, is an old and dear friend.” And yet Elrond, one of the wisest people in Middle-earth, doesn’t know what “Durin’s Day” is when it comes up in The Hobbit. If he had a near-fraternal bond with a Dwarf prince, wouldn’t he be aware of significant Dwarven holidays?

I know this Elrond is just supposed to be younger and less experienced, but he’s coming across as kind of dumb.

Khazad-dûm looks incredible.

So the Dwarves have Scottish accents, the Harfoots Irish, and the Elves English? But the Men also have English accents, just less refined? Hmm. Choices were made.

I would die for her nbd. ♥

Gee, I wonder why everyone is speculating about Gandalf.

“Looks can be deceiving.” Given that I know who this character turns out to be, this dialogue is a little…heavy-handed.

The whole water dragon (?) sequence was so silly. Just like the “ice troll”.

It’s almost like “Elrond is besties with this Dwarf prince” subplot was a bad idea cooked up only to create some pointless, petty interpersonal conflict. It also makes it painfully obvious that there’s no reason Celebrimbor, an Elf, would be in a big hurry to build anything.

“Gamli” is the really best name they could come up with for Durin’s son? Pretty sure Durin’s son was also named Durin. I cross-checked the Appendices and could not find a “Gamli” anywhere…

Do Durin and Disa, the crown prince and princess of Khazad-dûm, have no servants? They’re just welcoming a guest into their house, fussing with their children, and serving dinner like regular folk. Where is a single one of the dozens of extras that we just saw in a previous scene??

What is it with the tendency of Tolkien adaptations to show the Dwarves as less than dignified? (i.e., Durin belching loudly at the dinner table.) Gimli was reduced to comic relief, and the Dwarves in the Hobbit films who aren’t meant to be seen as goofy—Thorin, Fili and Kili—are much more like Men than the other Dwarves. Tolkien felt VERY strongly about Dwarves being a proud and noble race! Respect that!!!

“Aulë’s beard!” I love this. (People who haven’t read the Silmarillion: Who’s Aulë?!)

“I am simply wondering what manner of man would so readily abandon his companions to death.” Big Elizabeth Swann energy.

There are so many problems with making this character a hot human dude. I’m glad I already know the truth about his identity, though—I don’t have to come around to “Halbrand” or (even worse) start shipping him with Galadriel. I can just be indignant.

Based on what we know about the duplicitous behavior as [redacted], you’d think Halbrand would be a little bit more…suave? Charming? Anything but this blunt, confrontational asshole.

People sure can cover ground quickly in Middle-earth. Unbelievably fast travel for the sake of moving the story along is a problem in almost all fantasy TV shows, mind you. If they only budgeted for 10 episodes instead of 8…or even (gasp) 13…

Why do Orcs look like straight-up horror movie villains now?

Also it’s so convenient that this Orc appeared beneath Bronwyn’s house on the same day she tried to convince her fellow villagers about the Orc tunnel threat.

Their pathetic little raft wouldn’t survive this, lol.

WHY does Halbrand save Galadriel? Repeatedly?? Did they think about this at all? There is nothing human, selfless, or compassionate about [redacted], lmfao.

As magical as this looks, Nori and Poppy’s “firefly” lanterns aren’t flickering, and anyone who’s ever seen fireflies knows that their glow isn’t consistent. They blink individually.

Same, Poppy. I also get freaked out when I see a firefly die.

The Appendices tell us that the Dwarves came to the military aid of the Elves and that they were as closely allied with Celebrimbor/Eregion as at any time in their shared history. So why are they making King Durin such a bullheaded, racist prick? (I know: for drama.)

Is the narrative implying that the shining object in King Durin’s chest is…what, a Silmaril? Because it sure as fuck shouldn’t be.

No, little emo kid, don’t take the broken Sauron sword that will surely attract evil to your people as they flee their village!

Bronwyn’s entire village is pretty easy to scare despite their generally gruff attitudes, aren’t they? At least they’re not completely stupid/have some sense of self-preservation.

The Good:

There’s still some stunning imagery to be had in this one, namely Khazad-dûm and the surrounding mountains

Likewise, some really nice set design in Eregion and especially Khazad-dûm

Nori!!!

A little exposition for non-readers (though maybe still not enough)

The Bad:

Most of the acting was weaker than in first episode, not that the writers gave anyone much to work with

Weak writing throughout: the dialogue’s not great. The characters’ motivations/choices don’t make much sense. Most of the scenarios they find themselves in vary from illogical (Elrond, Arondir) to unbelievable (Galadriel).

Why is the Stranger—Gandalf or Radagast or whoever he is—mute? And why does Nori keep assuming that she can understand/communicate with him??

No respect for the Dwarves, as usual

Too much stuff is convenient or coincidental, i.e., the perfectly-timed Orc appearance in Bronwyn’s house and the improbable survival of Halbrand’s raft

Meaning no disrespect to gamers, there were more “video game” type scenes—specifically, the water “dragon” and the Orc in Bronwyn’s house—which added nothing to the story and told us anything about the characters.

Halbrand. Yes, I am biased by knowing the twist.

I didn’t feel like this episode was that much worse than the first while I was watching it, but after reading over this, it’s obvious that it was quite a step down in quality. The first one felt, in most places, like a heartfelt homage to Tolkien’s world in ways this one just didn’t. But I love Nori to bits, and the visuals are still amazing, so I will persevere.

[newtonsheffield]

The last chapter of Confident is so good!!! Kate going home to Mary and Edwina felt so healing then the lobby scene with Anthony was so well done and vulnerable and also Newton!!

Question, when did Kate "ask if history was for sale" according to Edwina? that's SO funny! Icon behavior indeed.

Kate wandered into to the British Museum when she was 22, and rolled her eyes every time she saw the words Donated by, or on loan from. And Kate sighed, whipping out her cheque book and going over to the man doing a tour in the corner.

“Hi, Kate Sharma, lovely to meet you.”

The man blinked at her, shaking her hand, “Miss… Sharma… can I help you?”

“Yeah, I was just wondering… how much would a Benin bronze set me back?”

The man gaped at her as whispers started in the tour group behind him, “I’m sorry? The exhibits… aren’t for sale? And I’m not sure You could-”

Kate chuckled, “I have 6 billion pounds, is that enough?”

The man’s eyes darted around as he gaped at her, “I don’t… it’s not for sale?”

Kate sighed, tucking her cheque book back in her bag, ignoring Edwina’s guffaw behind her as she said, “Sorry, I thought I was in the British Museum. Isn’t history for sale here?”

And walked out, waving to the person filming her on their phone.

Unfortunately, Kate has to tell this story to Anthony when he’s talking about an exhibit he’d like to see, clearing her throat awkwardly.

“So here’s the thing: I’m banned from the British Museum for life.”

“O…Kay? How did you…?”

“I just sort of…” Kate waved her hand vaguely “implied they were thieves you know.”

Anthony burst out laughing, kissing her forehead, “I’m obsessed with you. Anywhere else you’re banned from?”

Kate winced, “The Tower of London? There was an incident with some Crown Jewels.”

“Fucking obsessed with you.”

“And one Asda in Watford.” Kate shrugged, “But that was… a misunderstanding.”

[saints-who-never-existed]

Least favorite change from book to show?

A few things spring to mind for this one!

Full answer under the cut as I suspect it's going to get spoiler-y.

So, I understand completely why, with budget and time constraints, changes had to be made, and I think the show is visually stunning just the way it is.

But with that said, there are several scenes from the book that would have been absolutely fucking spectacular to have seen realised on screen and it does make me a little sad that they were omitted or changed.

-

There's the scene where Irving follows Silna down to the hold where she's created a living space for herself, only for him to find that someone or something has torn clean through the ship's hull - nearly a dozen layers of the hardest woods on the planet - to create a private tunnel out into the ice and up to the surface. Seeing that amount of physical power before we really see the thing that has exerted it is properly spine-tingling.

And speaking of tingling spines, I would love to have witnessed the scene where Tuunbaq makes it onto the ship and down into the hold and lower decks where it wreaks bloody havoc. It's a scene of utter chaos that plays out in almost complete darkness - the men have so little idea of what's even going on or what might be lurking in the darkness beyond the light of their own woefully inadequate lanterns. Chilling stuff! There's also fire, unspeakably gruesome physical injuries, and some lovely, lovely character beats between Fitzjames and Goodsir.

And perhaps the pièce de résistance, the crown jewel of absolutely wild scenes I'd love to have seen brought to the screen, is the grisly death-by-Tuunbaq of several major characters including Little and Peglar. They are tricked into following a lead in the ice and ambushed, and when the rest of the men follow after them, they find that the lead opens out into a huge lake that has been turned entirely red by the sheer amount of blood in it. Just imagine that! Imagine the shot panning up and over, the men and their boats tiny specks in an expanse of white and made even more insignificant by the staggering scale of the massacre before them!

-

I have some more in-depth thoughts about Crozier and Hickey's relationship and the way the book in many ways treats morality and cannibalism differently than the show does. But this post is already long enough! :)

[randomthefox]

I used to be perfectly certain that Surge was the worst character but Clutch might take that crown soon

Clutch is like extra pathetic because it's obviously with the benefit of hindsight what they were trying to do with him. What the grand plan was. Introducing him as a slow burn behind the scenes villain, seemingly minor and small time and ancillary, only for him to climb the ladder of chaos and collect the discarded pieces of failed antagonists to set the stage and put all the pieces on the board for him to reveal himself as the maistro of an ultimate plot.

Only it doesn't work. At all. Because he has absolutely no conceivable motivation or goals. The entire narrative falls to pieces the second you ask "why is he doing this? What does he want?" Why does he want to destroy the Restoration? There is no other answer except "because the story needs him to."

To say nothing of how the story needs to twist itself into knots and turn literally everyone else involved into an incompetent moron to allow for Clutch to come off as a viable antagonist. Why are Rough and Tumble and Mimic working for him? Cuz the story needs them to. Why is Surge working for him instead of instantly murdering him the second he told her he enabled Starline? Because the story needs her to. Why is Jewel being suckered into his facade and agreeing to cooperate with him? Because the story needs her to.

Why can't Eggman or Sonic just instantly fucking kill him without even acknowledging his existence? Because the story needs them to not. Why couldn't Rouge decide she didn't like how he pulled a superior poker hand on her and root him out and knick all his shit? Because the story needed her to not. Why did Clutch suddenly have super hearing that allowed him to see through Espios god damn ninja invisibility and also pick his pocket without him noticing and then evade capture? Because the story needed him to.

The entire character is nothing but a walking contrivance. The story warps itself around him to allow a conflict to manifest out of nothing. He's like Ramsey Bolton in Game of Thrones. A villain sue who can do anything he wants even if there's no reason for him to want it and who cannot be stopped by vastly more competent and powerful characters because the narrative turns them into useless invalids to allow him to succeed when he should fail. The script says he is Xanatos, an underdog dark horse antagonist. But actually reading the story leads one to no other reasonable conclusion but that the writers are blundering retards.

Willing suspension of disbelief is required from the audience to allow them to engage with a fictional story. We have to hang up our disbelief in order to accept the things the narrative presents to us as possible. But when the writing is THIS FUCKING BAD when the story is THIS poorly executed, there's nothing to suspend our disbelief upon. We do not see human beings acting reasonably and doing things that are within the boundaries of reality. We can only see the desperate scribblings of a blind inane writer trying to finalize a draft before tea time.