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sinceileftyoublog · 1 month

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Hamish Hawk Interview: Pathos in the Ridiculous

Photo by Michaela Simpson

BY JORDAN MAINZER

"It's a very sunny afternoon here in Edinburg, so I'm in a good mood," Hamish Hawk told me over Zoom late last month. When I mentioned to him that I had spent time in Scotland's capital city decades ago and loved it, he lit up. "When it comes to Edinburgh, I'm such an enthusiast," he said. "I really like when people come here." Part of me was shocked that Hawk abided by such simple logic, that nice weather plus a feeling of civic pride equals even temporary happiness. On albums like Heavy Elevator, Angel Numbers, and his latest, A Firmer Hand, out Friday via So Recordings and Fierce Panda, Hawk is not necessarily a spoilsport, but he toes the line between truth and facetiousness. Such a balancing act has proven so far to be successful for Hawk, who has found himself fostering a long-term working relationship with Rod Jones of beloved Scottish rockers Idlewid and twice shortlisted for the Scottish Album of the Year award. But with A Firmer Hand, Hawk didn't withhold a thing, sharing an album focused on various types of relationships with men, from romantic to professional, as well as insecurities with masculinity. And he doesn't quite know whether people will like it. "[A Firmer Hand] is different enough from Heavy Elevator and Angel Numbers being safely on the cheaper poppy side of things," he said. "This one is lyrically and musically quite a change."

Don't get me--or Hawk--wrong: A Firmer Hand is very much a Hamish Hawk record, through and through. Jones returns to the producer's chair, the songs were written by Hawk, and the instrumentation was composed by his core band of guitarist Andrew Pearson, keyboardist/drummer Stefan Maurice, and bassist Alex Duthie. The songs exude familiar vibes, from the very opener "Juliet as Epithet", with its harmonic keyboards, rippling percussion, and of course, Hawk's unmistakable croon. But the first track also sets the mood for the entire record, individual verses encompassing simultaneous feelings of devotion, worry, bitterness, and self-aggrandizement. "So goddamn handsome he makes me anxious / He holds my hand thru the sad advances / Why wouldn't he tho? / I'm just the open secret no-one's ever gonna blow," Hawk sings, making you want to cry and laugh all at once. In general, Hawk uses explicitness not for shock value, but to reveal a similar contradiction within sex, that of vulnerability and hilarity. The album's double entendre title comes from dance punk jam "Big Cat Tattoos", one that both derides and expresses jealousy over traditional notions of manliness. "I think you'd prefer a firmer hand with big cat tattoos and a wedding band," Hawk sings to a lover, eyes rolled, taking down all types of compensatory masculine personas, from the tech bro and the music snob to even the strong-and-silent sad-sack within himself.

A skilled songwriter, Hawk both sings autobiographically and exaggeratedly, and he's able to present other perspectives without the pretense of becoming them. On A Firmer Hand, most importantly, you're not left wanting to solve a puzzle of what happened and when and to whom; instead, you can find a sense of solidarity with the imperfections and troubles of everyone involved, even if your life has nothing in common with them. The ivory tower narrator of "Nancy Dearest" may be lonely at the top, but what matters is that they're lonely at all. The slinky bass and trilling guitars of "Autobiography of Spy" visualize a suave 007 on paper but someone living a secret sexual existence in a sad reality. "We're footprintless on fallen snow / We wear the mist and learn the code," Hawk sighs. Yes, Hawk's clearly diffident himself on songs like "Men Like Wire" and "Questionable Hit", on the latter participating in a music industry where other men wont want to be him if he's clearly gay or effeminate, but thinking, "Will I never tire of fronting?" on the former. But he finds power for us all when adopting a devilish swagger on "Milk an Ending". "This is my ninth life / I shan't stand by like a half shut knife," he declares, continuing, "If you can't take this dance / If you won't fake romance, why should I?" After all, the right to live freely means the right to boast freely, too.

If I was surprised by the wholly sunny disposition of a purportedly autobiographical songwriter who made an album like A Firmer Hand, I was not taken aback by his willingness to break down its songs. Throughout our conversation, Hawk was honest about which aspects of the album were the results of a longstanding goal and which came naturally or even unexpectedly. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity, and catch him on tour in the UK and Europe through the rest of the year, with the same band who played on the album.

Photo by Simon Murphy

Since I Left You: At what point did writing a "skeletons in the closet" record become unavoidable?

Hamish Hawk: The first song I wrote for the record was "Questionable Hit". It was written roundabout the same time as some of the Angel Numbers songs, or at least towards the end of the Angel Numbers era, as it were. There's something in the tone of "A Questionable Hit", and even of a song like "Money" from Angel Numbers, and of a couple others in my repertoire, that's similarly slightly finger-pointing, embittered, and cynical. But I felt with "Questionable Hit" there was a sharper tooth in there that I didn't expect. When I wrote that, I felt, even though it was roundabout the time of the Angel Numbers stuff, it wasn't going to fit very comfortably with Angel Numbers, so I sort of put it to one side. Then, my collaborator Stefan Maurice, my drummer, sent me a keys loop that essentially became "Machiavelli's Room". When I was writing that, I became consumed with it. Some songs come really fast, and others take months. This was neither. I ruminated on it, listening to it constantly trying to edit and redraft the lyrics to get them perfect. As soon as I finished it, I looked back at the work and thought, "Ok, I don't think a song like that is gonna sit very comfortably with songs that sound like Angel Numbers." It struck me quite quickly that whatever album "Machiavelli's Room" would appear on, the songs that surrounded it would have to be cut from the same cloth. It was from there that "Questionable Hit", even though it's got a slightly different tone, reared its head again.

[A Firmer Hand] became this wider exercise in seeing how direct, how honest, how diaristic I could be. I think the album has achieved that, but for that reason, I'm slightly more nervous about the release of this record than I was for the past two. It's a vulnerable record...albums kind of exist in this odd space before you release them where you feel you might want to change something, or you're not convinced of exactly what they are. As soon as they're released, it's like, "Ok, now that's done. I can close the door on that. I can orient myself towards something completely new." I'm still in that strange period with A Firmer Hand, admittedly, but I think it's a good piece of work.

SILY: It's not necessarily a logical step after you've gained critical acclaim and more fans to say to the general music listening public, "Here's an album where you might not like me very much." Would you describe the album as totally diaristic, or are there aspects that are tongue-in-cheek and a little self-aware?

HH: Across the board, even with Heavy Elevator and Angel Numbers, and even before that, the vast majority of the inspiration I get to write songs does come from real events and real life. I definitely write in heightened terms. I'm inspired by writers like Scott Walker and Jarvis Cocker who take mundane kitchen-sink narratives and bring them up to this level where they could sing about something incredibly ordinary, like taking the kids home from school or something, and put it on this big Las Vegas stage, this high drama Caravaggio lighting. That's a process I've always been really interested in. As much as my songs are autobiographical, they're not strictly autobiographical. I'll take the truth and polish it up a bit and inject it with this new dramatic or poetic energy. But if we were to go through my songs, I'd be able to point at lyrics and tell you exactly where they came from and what moment in my life caused them to be written. I'm definitely not an abstract writer in that sense: I don't attack things from the perspective of other characters, and I don't try to take on a different persona and write about a period in history or a place I've never been to. It is autobiographical in that sense. My songs are very personal to me. That's the only way I know how to do it, so within that frame, I am trying to push myself to write in different ways, but that's my medium, as it were.

SILY: Even if you don't inhabit other characters or mindsets, you still give space to other voices. There are conversational aspects of your songs where you're presenting the perspectives of others without inhabiting them. How do you find that balance when you write?

HH: I don't think it's necessarily the healthiest thing in the world. In the past, I've been guilty of other characters or people that feature in my songs turning into kind of cyphers, versions of them where they say the things I want them to say. Angel Numbers was when I first started working with other characters in the songs saying things that really did happen, exact phrases. I wouldn't note them down at the time, but they were etched into my brain forever. That continues into A Firmer Hand. I'm trying to be as cutthroat with myself as I possibly can, because more often than not, these characters are saying something to me or about me. This album was a warts and all approach. At the end of some of these songs, I'm not necessarily gonna look great. It was an exercise in seeing how true to life I could be without being fantastical or this sort of protection of artifice. Sometimes, when I listen to these songs back, I think, "Oh, I remember that, that wasn't [my] best day." [laughs]

SILY: On A Firmer Hand, you do write about the mundane, but at the same time, you include hyper-specific cultural references and, even if they're based on real people, tropes like the tech bro on "Big Cat Tattoos". I laughed at the line, "You vetoed every one of my miserabilist movies / You bored everyone from out of town with the virtues of shoegaze." Everyone knows someone like that. Do you try to connect with a wider audience by being hyper-specific?

HH: It's a really good question. In you saying that, I can see you agree with me in that often times, the more hyper-specific you can be, the more idiosyncratic, the more personal, the more likely it is to suddenly explode and be relatable to a huge number of people. More formulaic commercial pop music, there has been historically a belief that if you try to make things as generic as possible, it can be consumed by a much larger number of people. I think you find that the more you try to be generic, the more you try to dumb it down to the lowest common denominator so that everyone can get it, the more people are put off by it. I've always tried in my music to give a vast amount of credit to the listener. I don't want to dumb things down for anybody. I'd like to be immediate in my lyricism. I'd like my lyrics to be understood. I'm not trying to be so pretentious that no one can engage with it. The more personal I can be, the more it ends up relating to so many more people. By adding in cultural references or even local references, those things endear people much more than trying to get to them where they are. It's about creating something so they can approach you, as opposed to--I don't know--trying to be close to their life inauthentically. It's much stronger to be authentically you so people can move towards you.

SILY: It's almost a matter of humility. You don't know their life, and they don't know yours, but being hyper-specific is how we relate to each other.

HH: The song "Panic" by The Smiths has so many British references in it, but towards the end of the song, Morrissey sings, "Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ." He's talking about the songs the DJ is playing, singing, "It says nothing to me about my life." I don't think he's talking about songs that talk about far flung places, because even the songs that talk about far flung places can talk to him about his life. We don't have to have identical lives in order to relate to each other. There's so much more going on underneath all that. I like to give the listener fair credit and assume that they have what it takes to engage with the song on whatever level they'd like to. Pop music listeners are certainly very engaged and have the intelligence and willingness to engage on whatever level they'd like to.

SILY: And the internet prowess!

HH: [laughs] Yeah!

A Firmer Hand cover art

SILY: The mid-album back-to-back of "You Can Film Me" and "Christopher St.", I don't know the stories behind the songs, but they seem to me to comprise a tragic mid-section. Am I off base there?

HH: Not at all. There is a link between those. I'm not going to disclose too much about it, if I may, but you're quite astute to pick that up. "Christopher St.", the music was written by Stefan. I've always been a fan of little vignettes in albums. The thing that makes Angel Numbers cohesive is that it is one unified voice: It is my voice. The band and I never worried too much about dipping our toes into different genres or different sounds or instrumentation within one album. Giving fair credit to the listener, they're able to deal with an album like Angel Numbers. It's not tricky: "Rest & Veneers" has a sort of country feel. "Elvis Look-alike Shadows" is bombastic and loud and high drama. "Frontman" is a harmonium-led lament. I don't think it's hard to engage with an album just because it has many different faces, so I've never worried about having fragments or vignettes or moments in albums that take you out of the world you think you're in, and suddenly they pull you right out. I've always been inspired by albums that seem like they have a left turn in the middle of the record.

I must say, to compliment him, that Stefan is an incredibly gifted piano player and composer on the keys. He's written so many beautiful songs for me and so many beautiful moments that no one's heard, so I was really excited to have a song like "Christopher St." [on A Firmer Hand] because it's such a beautiful piece of music. The writing and the lyrics came so, so quickly. I won't go too much into the inspiration or the stories behind the songs, but I think you're right. It's this tragic two sides. Everything that's in "You Can Film Me" is as bombastic and full of pomp, arch, raised eyebrow stuff I'm capable of, and "Christopher St." is about as earnest and as tender and as melancholic as I get. Those things are absolutely essential parts of my music, so to have them sit next to each other, you'd think it would be a contrast that could repel a listener, but I think--or at least I hope--it achieves the opposite. Having those things sit side by side is really effective. I've always been inspired by the idea of pathos in the ridiculous. Having something very deeply emotional and sad, the height of a certain emotion, next to something really amusing, silly, absolutely absurd. It makes the emotional thing more intense. It has this odd effect that you think would be uncanny and not work, but more often than not, it does.

SILY: Was there a general process for how you came up with the instrumentation on the record? Or was it truly on a song-by-song basis?

HH: It was different than the previous records. Heavy Elevator was one way, this sort of indie rock default. Angel Numbers took off and gave it a little more pomp with brass, horns, and pedal steel, embellishing the slightly rougher edges, softening them up, and bringing them to the fore. It was slightly ballroom. The band and I were very careful with A Firmer Hand to make it a band record. We wanted to be able to replicate all of the songs on the record on stage exactly as they are instead of having to make approximations or use samples or for someone to have to play the violin line on the keys or the trumpet line on the guitar. It was about having a band in a room. We wanted track 1 to track 12 to be obviously the same group of people and basically the same instruments. I think that limitation is really helpful and can often be really fruitful for a creative process. There wasn't too much pre-production involved in the songs. [Though,] the more we record and the more often we're in the studio, we think that's what we want to do next time, to have time to really work things out, as painstaking as it might be.

SILY: Have you played the songs from A Firmer Hand live yet?

HH: Some of them. We've played "Men Like Wire", "You Can Film Me", "Nancy Dearest", and "Big Cat Tattoos". Beyond that, most of the middle tracks we haven't touched yet. We've rehearsed them, and some of them are sounding really great. I'm certainly feeling--and I can't speak for the band--that it's an interesting experience trying to put these songs next to some of the older songs in our set. It starts to feel like a tale of two cities. I think that's exciting. I think it's probably somewhere where good things can come. I don't think it's going to be too much of a problem.

SILY: Do you have the same approach to adapting the new songs to the stage as you did for those on your previous records?

HH: I'd say so. I wouldn't say too much has changed. The first thing we've noticed is that setlists are becoming really tricky. Our sets are typically an hour and a quarter, an hour and twenty minutes, and we're having to cut out some of the mainstays of the set, turn it on its head completely and say, "Ok, suddenly, we're not playing that." Which is okay. That can only be good, to have a sense of renewal or rejuvenation. Reconfiguring the sets is tricky, but it's important we don't rest on our laurels. Any change is good for us. It's always the new song that feels exciting to play. With all these new shows coming up, we're excited to have some new blood in the set.

SILY: Is there one on this record that you're most excited to play, whether you've played it already or not?

HH: I have three, for different reasons. I'm really looking forward to playing "Machiavelli's Room" live. We've rehearsed it, and it's sounding great, but we haven't played it live yet. The first time that will likely get played live is before the album comes out. Who knows what people will make of it the first time they hear it? I'm excited about that one because it's so stark, and it's the type of song that's quite unyielding in the sense that it is what it is. You can't sugarcoat it. On stage, I love performing and love trying to engage with the audience and bring them in. Some of the songs on A Firmer Hand are more pushing people back, or more affronting in some sense. I'm excited to see how "Machiavelli's Room" works, not only in terms of how the audience experiences it, but in terms of what it does to us. It's a two-way street. We can treat the songs a certain way, but the songs treat us a certain way.

Another is "Autobiography of Spy". I really like that song, and I think it's a really interesting album track. It isn't a single, and isn't going to get that much limelight. But I really like it. I think it's a great length, the instrumentation is really interesting, and all the moments are sort of considerate and well thought-out. We're all quite happy with that song and how it happened.

The third is "Juliet as Epithet", the [opening track]. It's very atmospheric.

SILY: Do you use loops live?

HH: We do, but they're never a cornerstone of the songs. They're never an essential part. It's more window dressing. We have little things that will continue throughout the entire record. There are a few songs where we have a loop going on in the background, but it's more painting. We don't like having too many major parts being played by samples.

SILY: Are you planning on coming to the US?

HH: Next year, it's looking like it. This year, we have two tours in the UK, one in August and one in December. We're going on tour with Travis in September throughout Europe. America is likely on the cards for March or April for next year, though it's more likely to be February or March. We've played SXSW twice and are hoping to get invited a third time, but surrounding that, we're hoping to get things sorted on both coasts so we have shows either side of SXSW.

SILY: Would you come to Chicago?

HH: That would be ideal. Obviously, it's all up in the air right now. The ideal would be New York, L.A., and something in Austin, but something in the Midwest would be awesome. Chicago would have to get done. Not only do I love Chicago, but in terms of the numerous art scenes in Chicago, we'd have to sink our teeth into them.

SILY: Have you played here before?

HH: Yes. I've played there and in America, but it was sort of a shoestring tour of the US. I was playing DIY house shows, no money was exchanged. It was me playing in people's living rooms. I've played in 26 states. I played in a living room in Chicago. I've played in Detroit, Atlanta, Athens, Baltimore, L.A., Salt Lake City, all over the place.

Photo by Elliot Hetherton

SILY: Are you the type of songwriter who's always writing, or do you compartmentalize between album cycles?

HH: Sadly, I do always write. Right now, I'm writing a little bit, but not much because I don't have too much time in my hands. But I've not been known to successfully compartmentalize and say, "This year, I've written my record, and next year, I won't write at all." I don't know how to do that yet. I don't have that relationship with my writing. It is quite consistent. When I do have a fallow couple of months, those months are full of insecurity and dread and self-doubt. Hopefully, in the future, I'll manage to foster something that says, "Okay, I haven't written something for 6 months, and that's okay." But at this stage, if I don't write anything for 2 weeks, I think, "Woah, what's happening? Is there something coming? Maybe I've dried up." Right now, the band and I are throwing some things around at the moment. Let's hope it's the beginning of the next record.

SILY: You could always write about writer's block!

HH: Exactly, but that's when you start falling down the rabbit hole of writing songs about writing songs, and writing songs about going on tour. Suddenly, no one relates to your albums at all except for musicians. "That album's so great, that one about being on the road." People don't really like listening to that on the way to work.

SILY: Is there anything you've been listening to, watching, or reading lately that's caught your attention?

HH: My listening at the moment, I don't know why it's happened this way, but it's been dominated by new country and roots music and new interpretations of traditional blues music. Since I was a kid, I've always really liked folk singers. My mum was a huge fan of James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Ralph McTell, Gordon Lightfoot, and these 60s folkies. It was my first entrance into singer-songwriter music. Of late, I wouldn't say I've been listening to anything specific, other than the absolute classics of blues, Blind Willie McTell, Mississippi John Hurt, and Lead Belly, which I've always gone back to fairly infrequently. At the moment, I'm listening to a lot of blues and country music. Who knows what that promises for the next record, because I don't think country had much of an input on A Firmer Hand. Maybe I'll see if Willie Nelson wants to do a collab.

SILY: I don't know, the guitar tones on "The Hard Won" at the end are kind of country western.

HH: That's true. That's the last track as well, so maybe that suggests what might come. Here's hoping.

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manbehindthemask · 7 months

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What are the paintings you’d use describe Jules best?

i've been thinking abt this question for way too long bcs my brain suddenly forgot what paintings existed but! finally i got my shit together a lil bit hehehe :-) long explanation under the cut

i think as a genre of art it'd be impressionism

Claude Monet (b. 1840) || Impression, Sunrise (1872) || Oil on canvas

impressionism as a movement was very contrary to what was accepted as art at the time. it was sloppy and not so much about a perfect picture but was actually about capturing a moment and i feel like that's so crucial to who he is. he isn't about perfection he's about feelings and being in the moment. his painting style absolutely isn't like that tho because he spends a lot of time sketching and studying wherever he is painting.

Edvard Munch (b. 1863) || The Sun (1909) || Oil on canvas

knowing the artist of this piece is kinda important to seeing who jules really is. edvard munch is the artist that did the scream and is viewed mainly as a dark artist that depicted pain and mental anguish. compared to his other stuff this piece is like a sigh of relief

jules is the opposite, he's a bright and shiny person that is a tangled web of uncertain emotions on the inside

Georgia O'Keeffe (b. 1887) || Blue and Green Music (1919) || Oil on canvas

i think a lot of georgia o'keeffe's work resonates with and about jules, she painted to express her feelings in a way words couldn't and i feel like that's sometimes his goal with art

he doesn't like to let himself be vulnerable, so i think he lets his paintings do the talking for him

Jean-Michel Basquiat (b. 1960) || Untitled (Fallen Angel) (1981) || Oil, acrylic, spray paint on canvas

a lot of basquiat's work has an impressionist feel to it, and i think with how he used his struggles as a black man in the 1970s in his art would resonate a lot with jules. jules definitely grew up with a lot of shitty comments being made about him or his family (especially since his parents are immigrants) so i think he'd feel really empowered by how basquiat used his struggles to fuel passion which made art

i've never thought about jules getting/having tattoos but i think he'd definitely get basquiat's crown

even though jules is a traditional watercolor artist, i associate him with a lot of modern art. i guess its bcs he just has that 'fuck around and find out' kind of vibe. he doesn't really experiment with his art per say but he does experiment with his life- that's why he's always on the move

uhh yeah this turned out really long whoopsies

#jules f13 #jules valentin #ask #slasher oc

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hauntedtrait · 1 year

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show your wallpaper:

cabanel’s fallen angel is my favoritest painting in the whole wide world. my regular phone wallpaper is a painting of saint sebastian. i believe in homoerotic depictions of religious figures only!!

last song you listened to:

Just Like You Imagined - Nine Inch Nails

currently reading:

other peoples legacies on simblr dot com bc books are hard tho technically im like in the middle of 7 different books but fuck me if i remember anything going on in them

last movie you watched:

the d&d movie!!! it was so fucking good

last show you watched:

florida man lmao its on netflix its a crime drama its legit SO GOOD and so fun its a quick miniseries and i loved it

currently craving:

i wish my nose didnt smell like blood lol im sureeee thats fine

how tall are you?

5'5 😭

piercings?

lobe piercings, septum and eyebrow (the bitchest of all piercings to deal with)

tattoos?

7: my left arm features my dead cat, a mollymauk inspired triangle with a bleeding eye in it, zero the dog, dracula drinking out of a blood juice box, and the cutest clown you ever did see. on my right leg i have a key to room 217 in the overlook hotel, and mcr lyrics (i know) around a switchblade and some flowers.

glasses/contacts?

my vision SUCKS i have to wear glasses which i HATE

last thing you ate:

some reese’s cups

favorite color?

HOT PINK BABEYYYY

any pets?

i have 2 black cats who are siblings! bathory and wednesday bc theyre goths, duh

favorite fictional character?

mollymauk tealeaf!!

last place you traveled?

went to visit my dad and go to a concert with him in NC last april. havent rlly gone anywhere else since. BUT next weekend my boyfriend is taking me to a bird sanctuary 2 hours away, im very excited!!

tagging:

@aoifae @bibliosims @gothoffspring @rainymoodlet @mangosimoothie @crippledtrait & YOU! YOU READING THIS

#*fun stuff

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thanksfortheflaglove · 2 years

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not that anyone asked but. my faith in the future ratings n reviews so far <3 (enjoy the specific ratings bc everythings 7 or higher muahaha)

the greatest — 8.8, great(est) opening song! love the buildup

written all over your face — 9.89, literally such a fuckin BOP i love the bass and his fuckin VOICE are u kidding me. this was instantly one of my favs but ive been listening to the second half of the album more than the first so i havent been giving her the love she deserves 😪😪 im on it 🫡

bigger than me — 28000, god. i cant express what this song has done for me in such a little amount of time. firstly id fallen off so badly that i hadnt heard the singles yet (and lowkey wasnt super aware that the album was releasing as soon as it did, thats how bad) so i listened to it for the first time when i listened to the album upon release and- with my situation rn please just trust me when i say that this song is truly tattoo worthy for me like!!! i know its a single but i dont give a FUCK the lyrics are hitting so so so close to home & the instrumentals/overall vibe just reminds me of walls & its made me sob almost everytime. biiig bigger than me girl <3

lucky again — 7.8, cute song, cinema. 🎞️🎞️🎞️ shes fs so cute tho i need to listen more <3

face the music — 8.9, love getting right to the instrumentals!! def a feel good song n im here for ittt

chicago — FUCKING 10!!! PROBABLY 11 OR 28 EVEN, okay when i first heard the opening i was like 🤨🤨🤨 but im sorry its SO FUCKING GOOOD AND LET ME BE ANNOYING ABOUT HOW I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE CHICAGO PIT??? AND AM GOING TO SCREAM THIS AT THE TOP OF MY FUCKING LUNGS IN THE CHICAGO PIT???!!! I WAS JUST EXCITED BC CHICAGOS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR FROM ME SO IM ALWAYS IN CHICAGO FOR SHIT BUT YALLLL. anyway its so fucking good lemme tell yall: WHEN THE CHORUS GOES AROUND THE SECOND TIME AND HE GOES I STILL KNOWWW YOURRR NUMMMBERRR!!!! BUT THEN HE COMES B A C K AND CAUSE I STILL!!! KNOW! 📢 YOUR! 📢 NUMMM 📢 ERRR!!! (took out the b bc the man is british) ANYWAY u can say i like chicago 🌃

all this time — 9, okay this one is DIFFERENT but i FW it!!! two things: firstly idk if any of yall know the songs "life is a game of changing" by the dma's but it has such a similar vibe and im honestly very here for it. secondly getting high to this, amazing experience. think it might need to be a staple piece on the high playlist. edit: that one time he says "worth it all this time" but it just feels like ur getting launced into another universe

out of my system — 9.7, shit slaps!!! everytime "gotta get it out of my system" instruments 🎸🥁🎹 GETS ME EVERYTIME!!! cant forget how hard this slaps

headline — 7.7, not my fav (yet) but no worries id literally still die for her. him saying fast, yeah. shes cute

saturdays — fucking 10. holy fuck. again with the lyrics. & the guitar hitting that last time around will never not give me the chills. amazing. truly. going to take the time to go post this on my insta now brb.

silver tounges — dont come for me but im gonna go 7.8 😌 shes fun i like her shes just growing on me okay

she is beauty we are world class — 8, reading these lyrics (and honestly just this song) high is making me feel things idk lol, still more of an all this time girlie but she is beauty and i am world class so she will get to that level ik she will <3

common people — 8.3, this ones so sweet 🥹 i (finally) go home not tomorrow but the next day thank FUCK, might fuck around the whole ride home listening to this <3

angels fly — 9.6, im starting to listen to this one more n lemme tell u what ive found out: how much of a damn comfort song this is👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼

holding onto heartache — 9.7, in all honesty if it was just 2:18-3:30 on repeat for the rest of my life i wouldnt complain. AND NOTHINGS EVER EASY!!! 📢📢📢

thats the way love goes — 8, shes cute but i definitely need to listen to her more to appreciate her 💖

#wanting to take another edible but also not wanting to run out: a saga #enjoy this bc sappy post coming up :')

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gnosisparade · 3 years

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🌊💖Sun in Scorpio💖🌊

🌹First of all, they're very interesting and unique people with a mysterious aura when you first meet them regardless of rising sign.

🌹Tremendously funny people with a bizarre sense of humour!! They can tell the dirtiest jokes with ease even if they're a Virgo or Libra moon!! But will still make you laugh so hard you start questioning your morals lmao!!

🌹Most have written deep and emotional poetry. Might have dark themes to their writings.

🌹Can be very cheery people, who like to have fun!! Might even have a bit of a mischevious streak. Could pull pranks or try to scare people for laughs ^^"

🌹Tend to fall in love easily and could go for the bad boy/bad girl or the dark and brooding type💖

🌹Prone to only showing surface level emotions, despite feeling everything on the inside. It's very hard to get these natives to open up and be vulnerable. So if they do, just know that they trust you so much. Please don't take a Scorpio sun's trust for granted.

🌹Not afraid to talk about sex 0.0 They can say just about the naughtiest things!! They'll make you blush and they like it that way!

🌹Actually gets sad if they genuinely offend someone they love and care about, but might not show it. You can tell because they'll aproach you softly afterwards.

🌹Can be so romantic~ Thinks of their crush 24/7 and can be kind of obsessive even! It's pretty cute! Would draw pink & black hearts around their crush's name and then erase it lol

🌹Can be short tempered and can lash out easily. Don't mess with them for they can really sting you where it hurts.

🌹Fallen angel energy.

🌹Devoted in the darkness.

🌹Prone to gossip as a way to pass the time, like commenting on all sorts of things that they see and hear!

🌹Like please ask them for their opinion on things they love that!!

🌹Could put on a show for people at times, might love theater!

🌹 An interest in the occult is likely here as well!!

🌹Good placement for doing sports and exercise! These natives hold so much energy inside of them unless Neptune placements are heavily involved.

🌹I've noticed that they tend to love tattoos and might even get a tattoo of their sun sign!! ^^

🌹Piercings too!!

🌹Very intuitive, has good precognitive & analysis abilities. Could make for an excellent detective 🕵

🌹Either they like finding out secrets or they tend to stumble upon them by pure chance. This can sometimes cause them pain tho ;_;

🌹If they have prominent Saturn,Capricorn or Aquarius placements then they can ooze a very deep dark aura that's extremely magnetic and alluring. This type of Scorpio can have a very stoic look to them,especially their facial expression.

🌹On the other hand, if they have prominent Mercury, Gemini or Virgo placements they could seem more playful and maybe even impish lol It can come across are cute or conversely as overwhelming to others.

🌹In the end these are very deep people with powerful ambitions. They use their intuition to move through life in the darkness. They can be a beacon of light to those that know not how far the depths go.

🌹Strong and intense on the outside, soft and maybe even sweet on the inside. Sometimes the ocean can be a raging storm or as still as night itself after all~

Thank you for reading!🌹🌊

#scorpio #astro #astrology #astro moodboards #sun in scorpio #scorpio sun #sun 8h #8h sun #sun in the 8th house #astro observations #moodboard #astrology notes #astrology observations #my astro #astroparades #mine

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calif0rnia-lovers · 3 years

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Lover of Mine #5.5 | Angel Reyes.

Series Masterlist | join my gc for updates since tags are acting weird

title: For Better, or For Worse.

rating: 💙 💔

As long as you're feeling the same, I'll follow you into the flames

sum: angel fears once it's out, his secret will be the final push you need to leave. instead of confessing, he sticks out the couple's retreat to give himself a few more days with you. he makes himself a promise: he'll tell you once you two return to santo padre. but a ghost from his past pushes angel's agenda forward a few days.

words: the standard for this series....long af (that's why I break it into sections so you know where to come back to when you take a break...but seriously, please take breaks on these long ass chapters)

Ez Reyes is a smart man. There is no denying it. However, Ez never thought he would struggle to tie a tie.

He is currently outside of his father’s truck. Kneeling before his nephew, Ez concentrates as he works through the instructions he Youtube’d earlier. A usually chatty Jeyson has been silent. He slept the entire hour's drive to school. When his Uncle woke him, Jeyson shot Ez a glare that reminded him of you.

Jeyson was fine the entire weekend that you were gone, but the moment he woke up this Monday to find you had not returned his entire mood changed. He has fought Ez tooth and nail the entire morning.

Ez glances up from the tie to Jeyson. “Hey, you sure you wanna go to school today?”

“I have to go to school” Jeyson mumbles.

“Yeah, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to take a break.” Ez offers Jeyson a smile. “If you’re not having a good day, it’s okay to stay home.”

“I don’t want to stay home with you.”

“That’s okay,” Ez chuckles. “What about Izzy?”

“I don’t want to stay home with her either.” Jeyson releases a huff before glancing down at his now fixed tie. He bends down to pick up his backpack. Slipping it onto his shoulder, Jeyson steps around his Uncle. “I want my mom to come home.”

Tommy’s gaze remains on the sleeve of his blue Stockton uniform. His fingers tug at the loose string resting against his wrist. He ignores the smirk on his older brother’s face. The passing of time has muddled the bruises on Tommy’s skin. The mixture of black and yellow stood out on the parts of him he's allowed to remain visible. No matter how he sits, the pain in his ribs is inescapable. Sleep has fallen to the way-side, the inability to get comfortable meaning he only gets it once he’s passed out from exhaustion.

“You didn’t tell me she was hot. Now I know why you were sticking up for her the other day--”

“I didn’t notice. I’m more worried about her getting me out of here.”

“Uh-huh.” Leo’s eyes roll as he watches his brother’s eyes pass over the crowded visiting center. “I’m just saying—”

“What’d you find?” Tommy’s fingers massage his temple, the irritation in his voice amplified by his brother’s antics. Lack of sleep and around-the-clock oversight and antics from Rogers has cut his fuse short. “If you didn’t find anything, you could've saved yourself a trip up here—and I could be asleep.”

“She’s not married—unless she has a habit of leaving her rings at home.”

“What? On the table?”

Leo shakes his head. “No. A jewelry box in the bedroom.”

“What about the kid?” “He has to be about eight, or nine? Name’s Jeyson. You were right, he’s definitely Angel’s. Wish I could show you the picture. He couldn’t deny that kid if he tried.”

“Yeah.” Tommy nods impatiently, motioning for him to continue. “What else?”

“Kid goes to some boujee ass prep school up north. Gilman something? Embroidered blazers, ties, the whole nine. His mom’s paying a pretty penny too, apparently, it's the best in the state. He’s into the typical shit kids are into. Star Wars, Spider-Man. Plays the piano, apparently, he’s actually really fucking good. Awards and all. His mom’s got him pretty busy. A lot of after-school activities. Looks like she and Angel rotate transportation...She must not be around right now tho.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Apart from the fact you’re still not transported to a new unit?” Leo scoffs. “The kid was with someone else when I was scouting. A girl and a kid with a prospect patch.”

“Mayans?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe his little brother...last I heard he was hemmed up here. Haven’t seen him around tho.”

“Maybe he got out?”

Tommy dismisses Leo’s suggestion. “Most cop killers don’t walk free. What else?”

“He’s not doing a good job of keeping his nephew safe. I talked to the kid.”

Tommy’s eyes open. “You did what?”

“He walked right off with me.” Leo quietly explains. He mistakes his brother’s silence as a cue to move forward with his story. “His uncle was so into his date he didn’t even notice the kid walk off with me--”

The sight of Tommy’s hand running down his face tapers the rest of Leo’s statement.

His voice comes out low, through his clenched teeth. “I didn’t tell you to touch the kid.”

“I didn’t touch the kid,” Leo’s eyes rolled. “I got him a funnel cake—” “I don’t give a fuck—” the slamming of Tommy’s fist against the table brings the room to a brief silence. The eyes that he has attracted linger on Tommy as his glare nearly burns a hole through his brother. Rogers shrugs off the wall nearby. He takes a step of warning in Tommy’s direction. “—what you did, Leo—it was stupid.”

“How else was I supposed to get him to talk to me?”

Tommy’s response comes out slowly. Each passing word increases his irritation.

“You didn’t need him to talk to you because I didn’t ask you to talk to him. Buying him a funnel cake, or whatever the fuck your grand plan was allowed the kid to see your face. He can open up his mouth and ID you—”

“ID me,” Leo snorts, dismissing Tommy’s claim. “Relax, Tommy. He’s not a state witness, he’s a kid—“

“Yeah, and according to you and his 'boujee ass prep school,' he’s a smart ass fucking kid, Leo.” Tommy lets out a long sigh. “The last thing I need is the kid opening his mouth to his mom about some random guy approaching him.”

“Don’t worry, I played it cool. Told him I was a friend of his dad. Maybe, if you had told me exactly why I went there I wouldn’t—”

It was something Tommy had explained to his brother during their last visit. The less you know, the better.

“I already told you,” Tommy rubs at his temple, the sudden throbbing causing his jaw to clench. “I needed to double-check something.”

“And that’s what I did.” Leo sighs. “What I want to know is, why the fuck you called me all the way down here to check pictures in some house.”

Tommy studies his brother for a moment. He shifts forward, his elbows settling against the table.

“You wanna know why I didn’t tell you? You don’t think, Leo. I ask you to do one thing—one fucking thing—and you almost fuck it up. If I wanted you to think I wouldn’t have told you exactly what to do.” Leo’s jaw tightens as his brother continues. “You trying to think leads to you doing dumb shit like kidnapping her fucking son—”

“I didn’t kidnap him,” Leo mumbles.

Tommy’s fingers massage his clenched fist. “You’re lucky I can’t reach across this fucking table right now.”

Leo’s gaze drops from his brothers. The look that lies in Tommy’s eyes is one he’s seen before—at least not directed at him. It’s the look that accompanied the acts that earned Tommy his nickname. Leo’s gaze nervously shifts towards Rogers who is still watching Tommy from his post.

“What do you want with her? Thinking she’s gonna give you a shot? Criminal is her type, and she’s definitely yours.”

“It’s not her I need. It’s Angel.” Tommy starts, his jaw tightening as his gaze remains on Leo. “And if you want Angel, you need her.”

“If she’s as good as you say, what do you need Angel for? You’ve been talking about her like she might actually get you off.”

Leo steals a brave glance at his brother. He watches as Tommy looks up from his tattooed knuckles.

“No matter how hard you pray, people like me and you don't come out on the right side of the law. No matter how fucking good she is, she can't get me out of this. This shit is stacked too high against me." Tommy’s gaze shifts to the clock overhead. “Did you find the necklace?”

Leo nods as Tommy stands.

“Good, go ahead and do what I asked.” Tommy pauses, his voice lowering as his gaze meets his brothers. “Nothing else, Leonardo. The time I'm looking at right now, I’ll fucking kill you right here if you pull some shit like that again.”

At some point Monday night, Angel abandoned his spot on the sofa to crawl into bed with you. His intention may have been to take one side of the bed, but to no surprise, he has failed.

You came to this revelation at two o’clock in the morning when you tried to roll over but found it to be impossible. You have been stuck on your back ever since. You attempted to fall back asleep but have not been able to.

Cheek pressed against your chest, arm wrapped around your waist, Angel hasn’t moved. He doesn’t move when your alarm goes off at 7:30 or when the knock comes on the door at 8:00.

The sleep Angel lost, the past two days over Tommy seems to have piled onto him. He only wakes when your fingers brush through his hair, the warmth of your touch lingering against his cheek.

“You have to get up and eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” Angel mumbles. The sunlight peeking through the curtains prompts him to burrow his face against your neck. “I’m tired.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” you smile softly. “But, I’m hungry, and I can’t get our food with you laying on top of me.”

Your words are met with a huff before Angel rolls over. Resting on his back, he watches the fan spin as you get out of bed.

His first instinct is to check his phone. He pushes himself up, his body protesting with the sudden movement, once he realizes his cellphone is not where he left it.

“Where’s my phone?”

His palms pressed against his eyes as he pushes away the enticing thought of laying back down for a few more hours of sleep.

“It kept going off,” you look up from the plate in your hand. “Ezekiel kept texting you.”

“What did he want?”

Angel watches you shrug. “I don’t know. I put it in the drawer. I tried to wake you up, but you were literally dead.”

Angel releases a sigh of relief before reaching over to open the bedside drawer. Facedown, his phone has several notifications. He ignores the rest, focusing on those from his younger brother.

2:30 a.m. 📲 : You still up?

2:35 a.m. 📲 : Talked to Bishop. Found out what the shipment was

3:00 a.m. 📲 : Pretty sure I found something else

3:02 a.m. 📲 : Don’t know if this is the guy. If it is we might have a problem

3:03 a.m. 📲: Found this in the paper

3:04 a.m. 📲 : Check it out and call me back.

The last incoming message was a photo, the front page of the Daily Imperial Gazette. Angel scans the article as you climb back into bed. A few phrases stick as he reads, “Man charged in Santo Padre murder…” “Thomas Flores, 30, has been charged…” “...obtained representation from Lorente & Rothman…” “...Friday, Flores was denied bond…”

“I have to tell you something.”

Angel instinctively hits the power button on his phone. Glancing up, he realizes you haven’t even bothered to look up at him. Your focus is on the half-eaten croissant in your hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you explain as you take another bite of your croissant. “The case Samuel gave me—the one Aiden is helping me with—it’s for this guy. His name’s Tommy Flores. He has some pretty...intense charges, so you’re probably going to hear people talking about it soon. We had court Friday, and the judge...he’s pretty tough. He denied any form of a bond, he didn’t even bother trying to set a ridiculously high one.”

You glance up to find Angel’s eyes on you. His unreadable expression causes your brow to furrow. You mistake the look in his eyes as uncertainty.

“I honestly don’t think it’s anything you have to worry about.” Offering him a smile, you lightly roll your eyes. “But I’m going to have to start working late when we get back, so I need to know that what happened Friday won’t happen again.”

You wait for Angel’s response, but it doesn’t come.

“If I take over morning drop-offs, can I count on you to pick Jeyson up after school?” You continue. “Or, do I have to ask Isabela to do it...Angel?”

Angel blinks as your fingers snap.

“Are you listening to me?” The irritation he finds as his focus shifts to you causes him to nod.

Angel nods a second time as he takes in the look of skepticism on your face.

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

“So, you’re good with picking Jeyson up from school?” You clarify. “Every day of the week?”

Angel unlocks his phone, nodding for the third time. “Yeah. I’ll pick him up.”

“And if you can’t,” you reach forward. You catch Angel's chin forcing him to look at you. “You call and let me know the moment you find out?”

Nodding, Angel drops his eyes the second your gaze meets his. “I gotta call Ez.”

Despite his admission, your hand doesn’t drop preventing him from getting up. For a moment, Angel thinks you’ll let it go. For once, you will ignore the feeling you get each time you notice a change in him. It is something no one else in his life can seem to do. It is something you’ve been able to do your entire life. It is something Angel wishes you couldn’t do.

“What’s wrong?”

Angel shakes his head as you release him. He keeps his eyes trained on the plate in your lap avoiding your gaze as your touch brushes through his hair. It's a habit. Angel knows the moment he meets your gaze he’ll tell you whatever is on his mind. It’s impossible not to do when he knows you can read him best that way. He picks up what’s left of your croissant and takes a bite.

You sit your plate aside before closing the distance between the two of you. Angel’s eyes lift to meet yours as you settle on his lap. The warmth of your palms finds his cheeks as you take his face in your hands.

“I’ve known you nearly my entire life, Angel. I know you don’t believe it, but I can tell when you’re lying to me. Just like I can tell when you’re upset and anxious. And when you’re going to annoy me.” The soft smile on your lips brings a weak one to his. “There’s no point in trying to act like I don’t. What’s wrong?”

“You were right about Friday night. I wasn’t with Samuel. I wasn’t even in Santo Padre.” Angel lets out a deep breath. His voice low as your fingers toys with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Ez and I were in Mexico. I left when you were in court. I knew we weren’t going to make it back in time, but I didn’t want to have to tell you because I knew you’d be pissed.”

“What happened to your hand?”

He watches you lift it. Your finger traces the bandage.

“Cut it on a shovel.”

Your gaze lifts to find his focus on the path your finger traces.

“...okay.”

Angel shook his head. “It’s not okay—I fucked up. Forreal this time—“

"What? On Friday?” You let out a deep breath. “Angel, I know I freaked out. Missing the recital—yeah, it was fucked up—but it is not the worse thing you’ve done.”

“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve that.” Your eyes watch him release a tired laugh, his gaze down. "You defend me, even when you shouldn’t.”

It is true. Defending Angel has been second nature your entire life. Often you do it in response to others. But also in response to him. When you were teenagers, you learned a valuable lesson about him. Angel is his worst critic. He’ll talk himself down harsher than anyone, even those who hate him.

“It’s because I love you.” Your arms wrap around his neck pulling him into a hug. “Just because we fight and say stupid things to each other doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, Angel. If I haven’t been able to stop doing that our entire time together, I don’t know why you think a fight in a therapy session is going to be the final straw. Me not talking to you is just the easiest way for me not to say something I’ll regret later.”

Angel’s grip tightens around you as your lips press against his skin.

“At this point, there isn’t anything you can do or say that’s going to make me stop loving you.” The reassurance in your voice lifts his gaze to yours. “Okay?”

Your lips press against his in a soft kiss. You leave a second against his forehead before getting up.

“I have to take a shower,” you announce as Angel’s arm wraps around your waist guiding your body back towards his. Your fingers drift into his hair as his head rests against you. “There’s more food you should eat before we go out.”

The two of you stay that way for nearly a minute. Angel releases you as the sound of your ringing phone fills the air.

Silence from Angel Reyes is a bad sign. Such a rarity, it wrings your stomach into knots. It has been hours since you woke to find him sleeping against you. Angel has said just as little as he did in the morning. When you stepped out of the shower, you found him fully dressed and brushing his teeth.

You glance over your shoulder to find he’s standing where you last left him. Arms crossed over his chest Angel rests against the wall as far from the line as possible. With his sunglasses on, you can’t tell where he’s looking. The corner of his lips turns up into a small smile as you come to a stop before him.

“Who knew smoothies took forever to make,” he sighs as your arms wrap around his waist.

Resting your cheek against Angel's chest, you tighten your grip. You listen to the steady rhythm of his heart as his lips press against your hair.

“I want you to come somewhere with me tonight.”

“No,” Angel chuckles. You tip your head back, pouting as his gaze drops to yours.

He shakes his head as your weight shifts to your toes.

“Please,” you ask, your lips pressing a kiss against his.

“Last time I did that, you ripped me to shreds,” he laughs. “I haven’t even had time to recover from that.”

“It’ll be fun,” you promise. The second kiss you leave morphs Angel's smile into a grin. You leave a third, this one against his cheek. “I promise.”

Angel releases a long breath as you take a step back, a grin on your face.

“It better be,” he shakes his head as you quickly press a final kiss against his lips before turning to retrieve your order.

As you reach the corner, your cell phone vibrates in your back pocket. You don’t bother checking who it is. Aiden has called you three times. You had sent him a text message in response to his first three calls. Telling him to ask Isabela for help on whatever he needed.

The moment the call goes to voicemail, the vibration picks back up.

You force yourself to take a breath as Angel leads you outside.

“Hi, Aiden--”

“I know this week is supposed to be for you and Angel,” Aiden's voice comes out in a rushed whisper. “But, I need your help.”

“Where are you?” You ask as you take a sip of your smoothie. “And, why are you whispering?”

“I’m at the courthouse,” Aiden sighs. “I’ve been here all morning, and they’re giving me the run-around.”

“About what?”

“The Warden called the office this morning. You weren’t there, so I answered your desk phone. He didn’t give me many details, just that Flores was detained last night. They couldn't get him to say anything—to no surprise—but one of the guards said he was involved in an altercation with another inmate. Apparently, Tommy messed him up pretty bad—like...transported to the local hospital bad.”

Angel glances over at you as you slip out of his grip. You take a seat at the table he stops alongside.

In the short time, you’ve worked with Aiden, you’ve learned one thing. The moment he thinks there is something to panic about, Aiden will panic. So, if you sound stressed it kicks off his panicking.

Resting your face in your hand, you speak quietly. “So, he wasn't transferred on Friday as I'd requested? If he was he couldn't have gotten in a fight.”

“I know. Apparently this isn't the first one he's been in. The Warden said he looks like he’s been roughed up in the past few days. I’ve been here since first thing this morning—”

“Let me guess.” You rest back against your seat. “They told you there’s nothing they can do, with the prison being at full capacity they don’t have a cell for him?”

A brief silence falls over the receiver. Aiden’s brow furrows.

“Yeah—how'd you know?”

“That’s because it’s bullshit,” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Judge Miller was hoping you’d leave and not press the issue.”

“Shit,” Aiden mumbles. “Shit, should I call Samuel—”

“God no. Aiden, I’ll tell you what to do, and say, just relax.”

“I lied to you.”

Angel glances down at you as your lips press against his knuckles. “About what?”

“About wanting to wait to get married.”

Your admission leaves Angel quiet. He opens his mouth to speak, but it closes as you place a second kiss against his skin.

You tilt your head back to find his eyes focused on the water.

“I was talking to Izzy the other day—not about getting married—but about you and...I mean...we’re trying to have another kid.” You backtrack as his gaze drifts to you. “That’s not the only reason, but I don’t want to spend another seven years playing house with you, Angel. I have tried so hard to find reasons why we should just leave each other in the past, but it’s impossible. I can’t help thinking that we’ve wasted so much time trying to fight it we should just get married.”

If he is excited by your words, Angel doesn’t show it. If he’s anxious by your words Angel doesn’t show it. The only response he gives is the furrowing of his brow as his pace slows before coming to a complete stop.

“I thought you’d be...a little happier,” you admit. The butterflies in your stomach seem to double in size as Angel's gaze focuses on your interlaced fingers.

“Right now?” Angel gently squeezes your hand, the smile slowly spreading across his lips causing you to shake your head. “A fancy place like this I’m pretty sure we could find someone to do it tonight.”

“Preferably with your son there,” you giggle as his lips press against your forehead.

“Just so you know,” Angel mumbles as he leaves a kiss against your lips. “You can’t take it back.”

“It’d be pointless,” you admit, your eyes focused on the incoming tide. “Regardless of what I say, you’re impossible to escape.”

“Like you said, it must be fate,” he teases as you step back towards the security of the shore.

“I didn’t say fate. I said I was tired of trying to outrun you.”

Angel’s eyes roll. “Okay.”

Pushing against his chest, you cause him to stumble backward making it impossible for him to avoid the incoming tide.

“Fuck—”

Angel’s scream is drowned out by the sound of your laughter. He tries to escape the chilled water but realizes it’s pointless as a second wave rolls through.

“Is it cold?” You ask the grin on your face prompting him to take a step in your direction. “Because it looked like it was cold.” The look on his face causes your laughter to return.

“You’re about to find out how cold it is.” The promise in his voice causes you to take a step back.

You catch sight of Angel’s smile before you take off running.

Between the giggles that leave you breathless and the sand between your feet, you don’t get very far before Angel’s arms wrap around you.

“I’m sorry, okay. Let me go, please?” Angel’s grip loosens as you turn to face him. “I really am sorry.”

A gasp escapes your lips as your feet leave the ground. Blood rushes to your head as Angel tosses you over your shoulder. It only takes a second for you to realize he’s turned and is carrying you back towards the water.

“Angel Ignacio Reyes put me down now!”

“Be careful what you wish for, baby girl,” Angel chuckles as he carries you into the water.

It doesn’t matter that you’re both fully clothed Angel carries you out until the water is waist-deep. He comes to a stop. Shifting you in his arms, he grins as your arms instantly wrap around his neck.

“You think this is far enough?” He asks as you take in your surroundings.

“I hate you,” you giggle as you meet his playful gaze.

“I could go further out,” he takes a step forward.

“Just do it.”

Judging by the mischievous grin on his lips, you expect him to drop you in. For whatever reason, Angel spares you a dunking. Instead, he carefully lowers you to your feet.

The chill of the water causes your grip to tighten around him. He waits until you’re standing to let go of you.

You can’t suppress the smile that finds your lips as he kisses you.

“You’re lucky you buttered me up beforehand,” he chuckles as you step around him.

He follows you back to shore watching as you glance down the beach, back towards the lights of the hotel. Your pace slows as you start in the direction of the hotel.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Despite the nod of reassurance, you force yourself to take another breath. You shake your head slightly, a tiny smile finding your lips. It takes a third breath for the feeling to pass. “I just—got lightheaded for a second.”

“Uh-huh. Funny how you get ‘lightheaded’ the second I take my shirt off. I don’t know why you still try and play this game at this point.”

Your eyes open in time to allow you the moment you need to react. Catching the shirt tossed your way, you watch Angel unzip his jeans.

"Angel put your shirt back on–I’m serious.” The warning in your voice stretches the smile on Angel’s lips. Your eyes leave him, long enough to drift back to the glow of the hotel’s lanterns still visible. The laughter and music cause you to step in his direction. “You are not getting naked on the beach! Are you trying to get us kicked out of here—”

“I wasn’t planning on going in naked,” Angel laughs. It is an admission of truth, but the sight of your panicked gaze causes a mischievous grin to take over his features. “But, I’m down to if you are—“

“No—"

“You know what?” Angel nods as he tugs his foot out of his jeans. “Your plan is better.”

“Angel—“

There’s no point throwing in a protest. Angel has fully stripped down to his briefs.

You step forward as he moves to push them down.

“I am serious, Angel. Do not do it.”

He rolls his neck before letting out a loud, and exaggerated, “fine.”

“But the only way that’s coming back on,” he nods towards the shirt in your hands before taking a step back. “You gotta join me.”

“I’m not doing this.”

Angel shoots you a look of skepticism as he takes another step towards the water.

“You’re already wet,” he chuckles. “Might as well get in.”

You remain where you are as Angel turns and makes his way into the water.

He waits until he’s waist-deep to start swimming out. He disappears out of sight as you drop his shirt to the ground. Stepping out of your flip-flops, you roll your eyes as you watch him resurface under the moonlight.

“Hurry up!” Even with the distance between the two of you, you can see Angel’s grin in your mind perfectly.

Despite your initial protest, you stay in the water for nearly an hour. Angel stands alongside you. His right-hand rests against your spine, his left interlaced with yours as your float. He watches you, his eyes admiring the moonlight against your skin as you focus on the stars above.

“I can’t remember the last time I looked at these,” you admit.

He smiles as your eyes drift shut. “Mom used to freak every time she caught us sneaking onto the roof to look at them.”

“That’s because you fell off one time. Nearly gave her a heart attack.”

“Wouldn’t have been the first time.”

You bite back a smile as Angel’s lips lightly brush against yours. They drift to the bridge of your nose as you release a soft giggle.

“Speaking of mom’s, yours came by last week.” Angel watches as the smile on your face slowly fades. “You were at work. I was taking Jeyson to school. She said she’s been calling you.”

“I wouldn’t know,” you admit. “She’s blocked.”

“I was thinking...since we’re heading back a day early, we should stop by your mom’s on the way back–”

“No.”

Angel releases a deep breath. He wasn’t naive to think you would jump at the idea. But, since seeing her, Angel couldn’t get the thought out of his mind.

“I know ya’ll don’t get along, but my mom’s not here to see Jeyson grow up. I think he should be able to know the grandparents he has left.”

“I get that, but I’m not doing it.”

Your eyes remain closed as you concentrate on the waves gently pushing against your skin.

Angel doesn’t say anything else on the subject. He knows your response will stay the same. It has for the past nine years. He also doesn’t say anything else because he knows he’s the reason you won’t budge.

The hatred your mother has for Angel may be misplaced, but she is too stubborn to admit it. She has always blamed Angel for many of your actions, starting when you were kids. Anytime you didn’t go through with what she had planned for you, Angel was to blame. You missed curfew in high school Angel was to blame. You skipped school on your birthday Angel was to blame. You didn’t attend the college she spent her entire life preparing you for Angel was to blame. You got pregnant out of wedlock Angel was to blame.

It had all came to a head at your baby shower. Angel wasn’t there, but it was the first time he’d ever seen his mother truly angry. Sure, Marisol had gotten mad at Angel countless times. But seeing how mad Marisol was as she recounted the fight she had witnessed between you and your mother, Angel was shocked.

He never asked what words were exchanged, and he didn’t have to. All he knew was that from that moment forward, everyone avoided the subject of your mother.

“I get what you’re saying, Angel,” you sigh. “But, if my mom truly wanted to get to know Jeyson she would apologize. I can’t bring our son around someone that has said the things she’s said about you. If she can say them about you, she can say them about him because Jeyson is your son.”

“Shit, I really look as bad as I feel?”

The smile on Tommy’s face grows as you look up. The heat covering your skin seems to rise as you start to speak.

“No—” You wince. “I’m sorry for staring—it’s rude.”

“It’s all good,” Tommy chuckles as he watches your eyes leave his.

He watches as you bite your lip. Whatever is on your mind, you don’t share it. Instead, your eyes linger on the bruise beneath his right eye. You’ve seen enough damage on Angel to know how bad it must have looked a few days prior.

“Hey, relax.” Tommy shifts forward in his seat, the sound of his shackles dragging across the table causing your attention to refocus. He meets your gaze. “The Doc cleared me—gave me my two Advil and sent me back to my cell. I think it’s safe to say I’m not gonna die.”

Despite the smile on his face, your head still shakes.

“Yeah, but I still feel bad that it happened. I was supposed to double-check the clearance of your paperwork.”

“Trust me, it’s not your fault,” Tommy chuckles. He watches your eyes drop to his freshly bruised knuckles. “It’s mine. The funny thing about this place is, you always run into people from your past. My mom used to said I never knew when to stop talking. I might have said the wrong thing at the wrong time.”

You watch as Tommy’s eyes briefly drift over your shoulder to where Rogers sits in the corner. His smile returns as his gaze drifts back to you.

“So, I take it you had fun.” He notes your raised brow before backtracking. “The Warden said he called your office and your boyfriend answered, said you were out of town.”

Your eyes roll. “Hey, go easy on my boyfriend. He’s the one who went to the courthouse. From what I hear, he slammed Judge Miller hard because your paperwork has been approved.”

You take in Tommy’s skepticism. You slide the signed form across the table, allowing him a better view.

“Signed by the Warden as well,” you point out. “Thanks to Aiden as soon as we’re done here, you’re being moved out of the unit.”

“No shit?” Tommy chuckles. He nods in approval as he scans the form. “I’ll be sure to thank Aiden when I see him. Guess you were right. He’s got some balls after all...Look, I know I’m not the easiest client….so um….Thanks for pushing for this. Making sure everything was straight. Most people would’ve just left me where I was.”

“Yeah, well I can’t have you die before I get fully paid.”

The laugh Tommy releases brings a smile to your lips. He settles back against his chair as you pick up your pen.

"I need you to understand that this new assignment may not be your favorite," you explain. "You're being moved to a new unit, but I can't get you moved again. That means, you can't do anything else, Tommy. Do you understand me?"

Tommy nods. He looks up as your hand finds his.

"This," your lift his hand forcing him to take in his swollen knuckles. "The shit you pulled. You're lucky they didn't throw you in AdSeg. That's 23 hours in your cell. No phone calls, no visits. Nothing. The only reason they didn't throw you in there is because they messed up, and didn't want Aiden to draw a motion against the judge. I don't care what you have to do, but you better learn to walk away from a fight. Now."

"I know." Tommy sighs as you let him go.

“Then do it. My job is already hard enough as it is. I can't have you trying to kill someone while you're already here for murder. Plus, the judge is pissed because of the paperwork Aiden had to file. That's not good for either of us. So, that means I need your help.”

His brow raises, the corners of his lips turning up into a smirk. “I thought I was supposed to be the one asking for help.”

“True, but help is a two-way street.”

Tommy hesitates for a moment. His eyes drop to his knuckles as he lets off a light shrug.

“What do you need?”

“For you to tell me why you were meeting with Alexander Maddox the night you were arrested.”

Tommy’s smile fades quicker than it came. His jaw tightens as he shakes his head.

You sit forward resting your elbows on the table.

“Tommy, if it’s about the MC.” Tommy’s eyes lift for a brief second. Long enough for you to catch a glimpse of the shock in his eyes. You lower your voice. “I know you’re with the Horsemen—”

Tommy shakes his head. “Look—I get you got a job to do, but—there’s just shit with the MC I can’t talk about—”

“I know how this stuff works—”

“Got a lot of personal experience with an MC?” Tommy asks.

His question causes you to release a deep breath.

“If you don’t want to tell me anything, fine. But when it comes down to it, Tommy. People will cut you off to save themselves.” The irritation in your voice lifts his gaze. “That shipment you were carrying, was not a dime bag. Your brothers will let you go down for this. Hard. They will let you rot in here for the rest of your fucking life if it means avoiding a R.I.C.O. case.”

Tommy’s brow furrows. “What’s a R.I.C.O.?”

His question throws you off. The pure confusion on his face causes you to backtrack.

“You seriously don’t know what that is?”

“I mean—I’ve heard of it...how do you know what it is?”

“It’s what you pay me for,” you remind him.

“Then I guess I’m paying you to explain it to me.”

The moment you step outside of the elevator, you come face to face with a wide-eyed Isabela.

“Is your phone dead?” She asks the irritation in her voice causing your brow to arch.

“Off—I had a client meeting with Tommy. I thought I told you—”

Isabela ignores your response, her eyes focused in the direction of your office. “Yeah, whatever. I’ve been calling you for the last freaking hour—”

“Sorry—ow.” You wince as Isabela catches your arm. She pulls you to a stop. “What?”

She releases her grip, but she sidesteps. Blocking your path, Isabela places both hands on your shoulders. She ignores the look of confusion on your face, her gaze studying yours.

“How are you?”

Her question causes you to hesitate. “...Fine...why?”

Isabela takes another moment to study your eyes as if she doesn’t fully believe you before nodding.

“Just so you know,” she sighs as she takes a step back. “I did not let her in. Aiden did. He didn’t know any better—bless his heart—”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your mother.” Isabela winces at the look on your face. “She’s in your office. Promise me you won’t make a scene.”

“It’s never me you have to worry about,” you mumble.

When you enter your office, you find your mother is not where Aiden asked her to sit and wait for you.

She is standing behind your desk studying a photo that she holds in her hands.

“Put it back.”

She jumps at the sound of your voice, her body turning so that she faces you.

“Put it back, please.”

Her eyes return to the photo of Angel seated on his bike. A grinning Jeyson is seated in front of him, clinging to the handlebars.

“He looks so much like his father.”

You cross the room. Taking the photo, you place it back in its original resting place before dropping your purse onto your desk.

“What do you want?” You ask as you watch step around your desk.

“Is that a way to greet your mother?”

“According to the last time we spoke, I don’t have one.” You recollect as you take a seat. “It’s been...nearly nine years, so my memory might be a little hazy, but I’m pretty sure that’s what you told me.” Your brow furrows as she moves to take the seat across from you. “There’s no need for you to sit. This conversation won’t last long. I have a meeting in a few minutes. What do you want?”

Your mother’s jaw tightens as she remains standing. Her eyes roll as she speaks. “I take it he didn’t pass along my message.”

“He did pass along your message, actually,” you admit. “Believe it or not, Angel said I should call you and listen to what you had to say. I just chose to do what I’ve done for the past nine years—ignore it. If you’re not going to answer my question, mom, then you can leave.”

“Your father and I want to see our grandson—”

“No.”

She expects more, but your attention has already moved on to the papers you’ve dropped onto your desk.

“See, I told you the conversation wouldn’t last long.”

“Y/N,” your mother objects. “It’s been nearly nine years.”

Your fingers interlaced as you force yourself to take a deep breath. You surprise even yourself as your voice comes out quiet and calm.

“I told you before. I do not want you near my son, and I meant it. I don’t care what excuse you’ve come here to give today. I’m not changing my mind. Your only hope is to speak with his father, and hope he’s more forgiving than I am.”

Aiden stops in the doorway, his eyes widening as he reads the room. He takes a step back but pauses as you give him a warm smile.

“Hi, Aiden! Please tell me you haven’t eaten lunch yet.”

“No,” Aiden clears his throat. His eyes briefly pass to your mother whose gaze remains on you. “I haven’t.”

“Good. Can you order two of whatever you’re having? I’ll pay. We have to go ahead and look over this case.”

Aiden nods as you add, “great. Can you also escort my mother downstairs? She’s ready to leave.”

“I’m sorry for ruining your retreat.”

Aiden’s apology breaks your concentration.

Seated on the floor of your office, Aiden has his back pressed against your desk. His usually polished appearance is disheveled. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, the top buttons of his shirt undone. His tie and jacket are discarded on the back of your chair.

His apology is one he has been working himself up to share for the last three hours. Each time he thought of sharing it, he’s backed out. At this point, he’s run out of pointless conversation and has reached the bottom of your takeout container that he took over.

“What are you talking about?”

Aiden’s eyes remain on the chopsticks in his hand.

“Isabela told me not to call you about Tommy,” he clears his throat. He steals a glance in your direction. “She said it should wait until you got back—but as usual—I panicked and called you. Now you’re back early--”

“Aiden, you didn’t ruin my retreat,” you sigh. Your palms rub against your tired eyes. “It was rocky was to begin with.”

The admission silences the office. Aiden nods before opening his mouth.

“So,” you smile as you lightly bump his shoulder with yours. “Please, don’t worry about it. Angel was probably happy you called so he could leave.”

Your gaze returns to the slow-paced printer. Upon learning you were coming home early, Aiden had sent you a text message.

📲: I have some stuff to show you about Tommy.

And by “some stuff” Aiden meant a board. He had stolen one of Samuel’s whiteboards from the conference room. The entire surface is covered in your notes and information from Tommy’s files.

“I can’t believe you did all this while I was gone,” you stare at the board. “Your girlfriend might think you’re spending too much time on me.”

Aiden’s smile is sheepish. “If I had one, I wouldn’t have had time to do this.”

“Well, remind me to find you one because this is amazing.” The tease causes Aiden’s smile to grow. “I’m serious, Aiden. I can’t believe you thought you couldn’t be any help.”

“I didn’t really do anything,” he shrugs, his gaze focused on the paper in his hand. “They’re all your notes, I just organized them.”

His eyes widen, a grin finding his lips as your arms wrap around his neck.

“Call it whatever you want,” you smile. “But I still get to say thank you.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he rubs the back of his neck before glancing over at you. “We’re a team….speaking of...I found this.”

The picture he lifts is not new. It is one you’ve seen before. Your brow furrows as you take in the pregnant woman on display.

“I already know who that is,” you admit. “It’s the girlfriend of—”

“Alexander Maddox.” Aiden nods. “Right. I kept going back to your notes. You had one question. Why was Tommy meeting with Maddox in the first place?”

Your head shakes the confusion on your face prompting the rolling of Aiden’s eyes.

“How is this the answer?”

“You were asking the wrong question.” A mischievous grin slides onto his face as Aiden realizes you’re still not following his train of thought. “I can’t believe I figured something out before you—”

“Oh my goodness, Aiden—”

“When he was arrested, Tommy was carrying a shipment--”

“Yeah, something he shouldn’t have been doing by himself.”

Aiden’s brow arches. “You got a history of drug trafficking I don’t know about?”

“You’d be surprised what you pick up on this job.”

Aiden shakes his head as you motion for him to continue.

“While I was working, I kept thinking back to our conversation at the courthouse,” Aiden continues. “You said Tommy’s smart—"

“He uses people to get what he wants.”

“Exactly,” Aiden grins. He lifts the picture in his hand. “Why would Maddox meet up with someone from a rival club, in the middle of the night, with his pregnant girlfriend in tow if he was threatened by them?”

Aiden doesn’t bother answering the question. Instead, he waits for you to make the connection. The smile on his face remains as your eyes widen.

“Because he was there to make a deal.”

“Exactly!” Despite the smile on your face, Aiden’s face dampens. “...but that’s as far as I got. I don’t really know what made Tommy kill him—”

“Of course you do, Aiden.” Despite your reassurance and the confidence in your voice, Aiden’s expression hasn’t changed. “Your brain just needs a second to catch up. Maddox didn’t keep up his end of the deal. He probably tried to screw Tommy over. Not realizing that Tommy would kill him, girlfriend in tow.”

"Well, now we know why Tommy's been tight-lipped about that night. Probably doesn't want it to get out that he was skimming from the club's business."

The hug you give him brings the same response as before.

“I should help you out more often.” Aiden chuckles as you give him a squeeze.

“Careful,” you tease. “Angel’s not too fond of sharing.”

“Speaking of Angel…” Aiden’s gaze meets yours. “I know you asked me not to say anything to him about Samuel—”

“It’s okay.”

Aiden nods, but he continues. His rambling brings a soft smile to your lips.

“Yeah, but I just...I didn’t want you to think I was okay with what Samuel did.” His words come out quietly as he shakes his head. “The way he talked to you...it wasn’t right. You work harder than anyone here—including him—and for Samuel to do that was fucked up. I didn’t say anything in the meeting, and I should have. So, I just...I told Angel when he asked about it.”

“He would have found out eventually,” you laugh softly. “Besides, now Angel likes you.”

“For real?” The smile on Aiden’s face stretches into a grin as you nod.

A silence falls over the office as Aiden’s head rests against the desk. His brow furrows as your eyes fall to your hands. There is a final question on his mind. One he’s tried to find a way to raise since he started flipping through your notes on Saturday morning.

“Are you pregnant?”

The question lifts your gaze.

Aiden reaches into the pocket of his shirt. Your eyes widen as you take in the white card he produces. It is a card you spent the entire morning trying to find. The scheduled appointment one you have yet to share with Angel.

“It was in the notebook you turned over for me and Samuel to review,” Aiden explains as he passes the card over. “Don’t worry. I saw it before he did...I figured he was the last person you wanted to know.”

Your eyes focus on the date. A week and a half away. The initial scheduling may have been premature, but you couldn’t shake the feeling Angel was right.

“Uh...no—I mean, it’s too early to tell.” You turn the card over before looking up. “I should know by this date, so can you not tell anyone about this? I haven’t even told Izzy...or Angel for that matter. I don’t want to say anything until I’m a hundred percent sure.”

Aiden nods, a soft smile on his lips. “Of course.”

“Thanks.” You allow your head to rest back against the desk. “I don’t want to get Angel’s hopes up too early.”

It was the only thought you’ve had from the moment you woke up alongside Angel that moment. But as you glance back at the card in your hand, you know the truth has nothing to do with Angel. It’s not his hopes that you’re afraid of letting down.

You place the card aside, pulling your knees to your chest. Your gaze drifts to the board before you. The two of you sit in silence, eyes focused on your work. Silently willing your brains to come up with one more revelation before packing it up for the night.

"Alright," Aiden huffs. "I think we've gotten as far as we can get tonight."

HIs brow furrows, a chuckle filling the air as he fingers brush against your arm.

"Didn't take you for a tattoo person."

You glance over at him, following his gaze to the ink on your arm.

"Yeah, well, you've never been dragged to a tattoo parlor with Angel," you laugh. "Now, I try to avoid them at all cost."

"It's pretty cool," he grins, his eyes lingering on the design. "He has one too? Matching?"

"Yep," your eyes roll lightly. "Please don't tease me about teenage decisions."

"I won't," he chuckles. Aiden sits forward, lightly patting your leg before moving to collect the trash.

“Aiden?”

“Huh?” He glances up from the takeout containers in his hands.

“How long was he in Chino?”

“Tommy...uh, hold on.” Balancing the containers in his left, Aiden quickly rifles through the stacks of papers spread across the floor before him. “Says here...he was in Chino for....30 months.”

“Any way we can figure out where he was housed?”

“I don’t know,” Aiden admits as his eyes scan the wrap sheet. “His charges were nothing compared to now. Petty crime, so he wasn’t housed at maximum. Why?”

Once his question is met with silence, Aiden glances over his shoulder at you.

“What’s wrong?” The concern in his eyes slowly morphs to fear as he takes in your expression. “Did I miss something?”

“No, I did.”

“What do you mean?”

Before he can pose the question, you’re already pushing yourself to your feet.

“Go home, okay? It’s getting late—don’t worry about the mess. I’ll clean it up in the morning.”

Although you’ve managed to mask your expression, the trembling of your hands causes Aiden’s brow to furrow.

“You sure?” He objects. He quickly stands, stopping you from grabbing your keys from your desk. “I can send an email about his placement in Chino—”

“No.” Your response comes out more panicked than you want. You quickly backtrack. The reassuring smile you give Aiden not holding the weight it’s meant to. “I’ll do it in the morning. I have to go see Angel.”

“Okay.” Aiden nods. He passes over the sheet watching as you excuse yourself.

Jeyson Reyes sits at the table in the center of the clubhouse, his math homework abandoned. His attention is devoted to the bowl of skittles in front of him. He has spent that past minute carefully picking out his least favorite skittles—the yellow.

“Word on the street is you got a birthday coming up,” Angel accepts another yellow skittle before popping it in his mouth. Jeyson’s eyes widen as he briefly pauses the task at hand. Angel’s brow furrows as his eyes study his son’s face. “How old are you turning again? Five—”

“Nine!”

“Nine? Nah--that can’t be right.” Angel shakes his head as he takes in Jeyson’s broad grin. “I don’t believe you—”

“Uh-huh,” Jeyson nods, dropping another skittle into his father’s palm. “I turn nine in seventeen days.”

“Shit—”

“That’s another dollar in the swear jar,” Jeyson reminds him as he passes Angel another skittle.

“I know,” Angel chuckles. He rests back against his seat, his eyes lingering on your son as he quietly admits. “I can’t believe you’re that old.”

Jeyson’s nose scrunches. “I’m not old.”

“Yeah, you are,” Angel laughs, his hand brushing against Jeyson’s hair. “You’re almost an adult.”

“I’m still a kid,” Jeyson giggles as his eyes lift to meet his father’s. “You’re old—”

“Hey—I am not old,” Angel retorts, the feigned look of offense causing your son’s giggles to increase.

Jeyson reaches over pointing towards the beard Angel’s hand passes over. “You have gray hair—lots of it.”

His father’s gaze narrows as Jeyson’s grin stretches as far as his cheeks will allow. As if to soften the blow, Jeyson drops two more skittles into Angel’s palm before eating one of his own.

Angel’s smile remains as he watches Jeyson redirect his attention back to the bowl of skittles on the table.

“Have you thought about what you want for your birthday?"

Jeyson shrugs. “Not really.”

“Not really?” Angel’s brow raises. “You’re counting down to your birthday, but you don’t know what you want?”

Jeyson lets off a second shrug, his concentration on the skittles causing Angel’s brow to furrow.

“You know we’re gonna end up getting whatever it is you want,” Angel smiles as he ruffles Jeyson’s hair. “You’ve been doing everything you’re supposed to in school.”

Despite Angel’s words, Jeyson’s gaze remains down. He chews on the inside of his cheek. The action causes his father to slide the bowl of skittles aside.

“What’s up? You don't think you can get what you want?”

Nearly a minute passes before Jeyson answers Angel’s question. His voice comes out quietly.

“I want you to stay at home.”

Angel’s brow furrows. The response is not what he’s anticipating. “I am staying at home.”

“My home, not yours.” Jeyson clarifies. “Where mom and I live.”

“That is where I’m staying.”

“You didn’t Friday. Is it because you don’t like living with us?” He asks quietly

Angel’s eyes drift shut, the tightening of his throat causing him to shake his head.

“Your mom and I—” Angel’s voice trails off as Jeyson looks up from the table to meet his gaze.

It is a conversation neither of them has breached before. One Jeyson has found himself thinking about more and more. One Angel knew he would eventually have with his son, but he hadn’t anticipated it to be now. He had also hoped you would be around to help him.

“You having two homes has nothing to do with me not wanting to live with you—or your mom. You don’t remember it, you were too little, but your mom and I...we used to fight a lot.” Angel continues. “I wasn’t nice to her, and I made her cry a lot. So I had to leave. I didn’t want to leave you or her, but I also didn’t want to hurt you or your mom. It took me a while to learn how not to do that. Friday...I couldn’t come home because I didn’t want to fight with your mom.”

“You still made her cry.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.” Leaning over, Angel brushes his hand against Jeyson’s hair. His touch forces Jeyson’s eyes to meet his. “You know how you and your friends get mad at each other? Sometimes we get mad at the people we love because we don’t see things the same way. But your mom being mad at me has nothing to do with you. Okay? Just because your mom and I might fight, it doesn’t mean I’m leaving.”

The soft smile Angel offers him prompts Jeyson to give him one in return.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m staying with you and your mom or at my house. I love you. That’s not ever gonna change. Never has, never will. Got it?”

Jeyson nods, his smile growing as Angel places a kiss against his skin.

As Jeyson's attention returns to the bowl of skittles, Angel reaches into his kutte. He pulls out the white envelope that he found in the mailbox upon your return home.

He studies the unfamiliar handwriting. Printed in block letters are his name and your address. His gaze passes over the generic American Flag stamp and date pressed into the right corner. The lack of a return address causes him to flip the envelope over.

Angel waits until he comes to a stop outside of the clubhouse to give the envelope a second glance. Tearing the side, he reaches inside pulling out a single index card. The handwriting matches that printed on the envelope.

An anniversary gift for the Old Lady.

Angel tips the envelope. His stomach tightens as the chill of a silver chain hits his palm. The buzzing of his phone in his kutte pocket goes ignored. He doesn’t need to unravel the chain to know who the necklace belongs to. He has looked at the necklace nearly every day since he was eighteen.

The continued vibration of his phone forces an irritated “fuck” from Angel’s lip before he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“What?”

“This is a prepaid call from Thomas Flores, an inmate at the state correctional facility. All phone calls are subject to recording and monitoring. To decline the call, please press nine. To accept the call and all charges that will be incurred, please press one.”

Angel doesn’t remember committing the act of acceptance. A moment later, Tommy’s voice echoes through his receiver. For a man locked inside the walls of Stockton, his voice is calm and lighthearted.

“Damn, it’s been a minute since I’ve heard your voice, Reyes. Can you believe I missed it?”

“The feeling isn’t mutual,” Angel growls, his grip tightening around his phone. “How’d you get this number?”

“Come on, Reyes--give me some credit. I got it the same way I got your address,” Tommy chuckles. “I had to make sure to wish you a happy anniversary. It just passed, right? What is it six—no—seven years? Hopefully, the two of you are doing better these days—”

“Why are you calling?”

“That’s the funny thing,” Tommy sighs, the smile on his face stretches into a grin. “See, I was in my cell a few weeks back, thinking to myself—got a lot of time for that nowadays—and naturally, that led to me thinking of you. And how I missed my old cellmate. Then I remembered...you owe me a favor.”

“A favor? I don’t owe you shit--”

“That’s not how this shit works. I think the person who’s owed a debt gets to decide when it’s paid in full.” Tommy pauses, the silence from Angel’s end allowing him to continue. “Funny thing, I wouldn’t have even thought to call on you for this, but you made a simple mistake all those years ago, Angel. You talked too much...If you don’t want someone to use your Achilles, you don’t share it.” Angel’s brow furrows as Tommy’s words slowly begin to sink in. “Now, you know I’m not a religious man, but I bet you can imagine how good I felt when I realized that God, himself, dropped Y/N into my lap. What are the odds that she and I got brought together? Huh? It’d be a shame to let this God-given opportunity go to waste, don’t you think?”

“What the fuck do you want, Tommy?”

“A lot of things,” Tommy admits. “A turn with your pretty wife for starters. The way you put it, she’d do just about anything for you--”

“She’s not doing anything for you--”

“That’s okay,” Tommy chuckles. “You’ve always had my back when it came down to the wire.”

Angel’s head shakes. “No—Fuck this—I’m hanging up. I told you that night. One and done—”

“I take it you got my gift,” Tommy ignores Angel’s declaration. “And...judging by the unnecessary hostility I’m sensing in your voice, you took a trip down South recently.”

“I want what you took—”

“And you can get it back—scout’s honor.” The sincerity in Tommy’s voice would fool a stranger, but not Angel. “After you help me out one last time. For old times sake.”

“I’m not helping you do shit.”

“Damn,” Tommy sighs. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t say that.”

“And you’re gonna leave her alone. Come up with an excuse, I don’t care. You’re finding a new attorney—”

“No can do, Reyes. See, I don’t benefit by losing her.” Tommy explains. “Unless you wanna consider my proposal. Last time I’m offering. I think you’ll find my way is the easiest—for everybody involved.”

A silence falls over the line. The trembling of his hands tightening Angel’s grip on his cellphone.

“Alright, well, my time is almost up,” Tommy yawns. His eyes pass to the clock overhead. “Plus, I know it was a lot to dump on you, so I'll give you the night to mull it over. Tell your lady I said thanks for visiting me today.”

Angel’s continued silence brings a grin to Tommy’s face. His chuckle fills this receiver.

“You haven’t told her yet….Tell me, what do you think she’s gonna say when your secret gets out? Do you think she’s gonna stick around this time? If that shit gets out, you’ll be facing more than some 18-month stint in Chino, Reyes. You’ll be facing some real-time. Ask your baby brother how that shit sits with you. All it’ll take is some rumors about the location of a missing state’s witness to start swirling...evidence anonymously getting dropped into the hands of the right people...then you and I just might be sharing a cell again.”

“Trust me, you don’t want that shit to happen.”

“Maybe...maybe not...only time will tell.” Tommy sighs. The calmness of his voice is the opposite of the feeling causing Angel to force out an unsteady breath. “Do me a favor, check with your old lady on how to get on my visitation list. I think you owe me a visit, make the shit quick, Reyes. Maybe she can get them to expedite the paperwork. You got a job to do, and your clock is ticking, homie.”

There is no need for additional words to be exchanged. Tommy hangs up, leaving Angel standing at the end of the driveway. No matter how hard Angel tried to resist—or tried to appear that he was—Tommy knew the hook was set the moment the call began.

When you pull into the clubhouse lot, you find Angel standing at the base of the clubhouse steps.

His eyes meet yours as you park, but he makes no move to meet you. The question is out before you can step around the front of your car.

“Do you know Tommy Flores?”

Angel’s eyes may be on you, but his mind is somewhere else.

“What?”

“Thomas Flores. He was serving time in Chino. Longer than you—thirty months—but you were there the exact same time. Did you hear about him while you were there?” Your question is met with silence. Angel blinks. His brow furrows as he watches you cross the lot. “I know it’s a random question, but Angel it’s really important. Okay?”

It’s common for people to cross paths. Chino is not a prison. It’s smaller than Stockton. Inmates flood in and out like clockwork. That's what your mind can produce in the time it takes you to come to a stop before him.

But it’s the look in Angel’s eyes that tightens your stomach.

It’s a look you’ve only seen once in your life.

Nearly two years ago. A night you hadn't revisited in quite some time.

When Angel had shown up unannounced at your house. This was nothing new.

Only this time, the pounding on your front door had woken you, Jeyson, and nearly half the neighborhood.

Your initial assumption was that he was drunk—it wouldn’t have been the first time Angel had shown up after a few beers and a shitty hookup only to find his way back to you. Begging you to let him stay the night, swearing to plead his drunken case, only to pass out against you the moment you were seated on the sofa.

Only this time—the moment you’d gotten the door open you were crushed by his weight. Angel's grip had been tight. The pressure caused you to wince as his face burrowed against your skin.

For once, you couldn't detect alcohol--just sweat and dirt. His grip had tightened as you tried to move back and take a better look at him.

You didn't get much out of him that night. The most you could get him to do was shower. Which was for the best because, by the time you'd helped him dry off, Angel's adrenaline crashed. He’d passed out in your bed a minute later.

In the morning, he didn’t produce much of an explanation.

"Sorry if I scared you last night," he'd mumbled as he headed to the door. "I know you asked me not to show up—unannounced like that but—I just wanted to see you."

“Yeah,” Angel nods. “I knew him.”

You wait for elaboration, but it doesn’t come. Instead, Angel takes a step back. He finds a seat on the steps, his left hand reaching up to rub his eyes.

“Yeah, I knew him? What the hell does that mean? You knew of him, or you kn—”

“No, I knew—I know him.” Angel releases a sigh, his fist crumpling the envelope he holds. “He was my cellmate.”

“No, he wasn't.” The response is automatic. The laugh you release echoes across the parking lot. The meaning behind Angel’s silence doesn’t fully register. Your brain is still reeling, trying to find a rational explanation to deny his statement and what it means. You shake your head. “No, he wasn’t. That is not fucking possible—“

“Cellblock D. That’s where they house all gang-affiliated inmates. They don’t give a shit if you’re an MC or not. It’s all the same.” Angel quietly explains, his eyes watching the realization begin to sink into your features. “They put you together with guys from other places, knowing you might not have a brother to watch your back if you need protection. Tommy’s cellmate had recently been discharged. So, after intake, I took the open space—“

“Angel, stop. I can’t have you telling me this,” you cut him off. The sight of your widened eyes not deferring Angel’s train of thought. “Do you know what this means for my case? Why couldn’t you just lie to me—”

“Because what I need to tell you is worse.”

series taglist: @angelreyesgirl89 @holl2712 @relaxing-najee @thedeviltohisangel @awkwardtayler @siempremamita @amorestevens @witching-hour @seize-the-droid @rosieposie0624 @sesamepancakes @est1887 @queenbeered @ticosas @blessedboo @helli4nthus @katjusja @melanicia @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @moneteguiza

mayans taglist: @lilacyennefer @pedropcl @holl2712 @rae-gar-targaryen @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @henrycavill19 @silverstarsandsuns @chellybear98 @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @noz4a2 @wiccanmetallicrose @crxssourbones @kimljn @starrynite7114 @richonne4life @themarkblues @mariaxliliana @thelovelyleo23 @hail-horror-queen @gemini0410 @binooo98 @the-jer-bear @abbiesthings @losolvidad0s @helli4nthus @babaohhhriley @futureleo1678 @whatupitshuff @trhett21 @trulysuccubus @minnicelli @sillygoose6969 @capnsaveahoe @leahnicole1219 @crashbarbie @cyka1312 @zoovent @lakamaa12 @keithseabrook27 @vir-tually @awkwardtayler @rawrlittlepanda-95 @irenne-stans @pearlkitten33 @ezs-baby-angels-whore @sesamepancakes @toni9 @vannabanana1995 @queenbeered @shawty-fenty @kaystacks17 @thesandbeneathmytoes @anactualcaseofthetruth @star017 @cant-decide-at-this-moment @cocotheclown @watsonwise @ilovebey2018 @oscars-wifeyyy @rosieposie0624 @jennisdirtyimagines @ughdontbeboring @jjwriter23 @briskywalker @peoniarose @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @partypoison00 @making-starsdance @claytoncardenasbabymama @myakai13

#lost one of tommy's scenes and retyped it off memory #so hopefully it's good lol #but let me know what you think?#angel reyes imagine #angel reyes x black!reader #angel reyes x reader #lover of mine

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gothgirlbethany · 3 years

Text

Headcanon Time!

Here’s a list of applicable headcanons for this blog! It’s pretty long so I’m putting the individual character heacanons under the read more. These are mainly for the Tainted versions.

General

Eden is the oldest, being just as old as the universe, and Isaac+dead counterparts are the youngest at 18.

Out of the humans, Eve is the oldest at 27.

Samson is the tallest while Lilith is the shortest. Maggy comes close second to Sam. (I have no set heights yet)

Blind Bitch Club (aka needs/has glasses): Eve, Jacob, Keeper, Laz, maybe Sam.

All the Isaacs don't really get along as much as they should

The Tainted characters are older versions of the originals. In the instance of this blog there has been a thirteen-year time skip between when they first left the Basement and when they returned

The Basement is a limbo created by God to give “trials” to abused kids and Fallen beings he feels like tormenting again

Scars accumulate from runs and can be healed quicker by getting HP ups or using the Yum Heart

Personal items (Torn Photo, Polaroid/Negative, Mr. Dolly, possibly some others) differ in appearance based on who’s “player 1”

The Mom-based bosses (minus Mother) and Angel Isaac+??? also change according to “P1”

Mother is Jacob and Esau’s mother. This is why defeating her unlocks them, and why the alt-path is so different and new and coincided with their arrival to the Basement

Age Ideas (Parentheses are Tainted)

Isaac+dead counterparts: 5 (18)

Maggy: 7 (20)

Cain: 10 (23)

Judas: 10 (23)

Eve: 14 (27)

Samson: 11 (24)

Laz: 10 (23)

Beth: 9 (22)

J+E: 9 (22)

Apollyon, Azazel, and Lilith are thousands of years old and are listed in order of time of creation. Eden's age is the estimated age of the universe.

Applicable Headcanons for Each Character

Isaac

Now lives with his dad

That. Explains the bruises.

Named all the unique monsters in the Basement, as well as identified some Items

One thing he and his dead counterparts have in common is a love for drawing

The chaos of having seventeen people crammed into one floor stresses him out more than the others

Appreciates his friendship with all of them, though

Gender is Isaac. Doesn’t really care what pronouns people use so everyone uses he/him for short

Magdalene

She used to be a pageant child and still suffers body issues from it.

The Caffeine Pill item REEAAALLLY upsets her cause of that

V… valley girl accent……….

Assigned healer

BEST HUGS!!!!

Maybe too good. If she's hugging you don't let her get distracted cause she'll forget her own strength

Cain

Has a prosthetic left foot from an accident (havent thought of exactly what yet)

His left eye was gouged out by his dad tho

He's the most generally well-off of everyone. Guess he was just born lucky…

Absolutely was a Little Shit™ as a child and still is

Avid min-maxer in video games

Kleptomaniac

Ok the way I'm describing sounds like he's got a bit of OCD

Often fulfills role as leader when need be

I don't have any ideas for Abel yet but I'll think of something. Maybe he was absorbed in the womb?

You know what??? I like that. Cain's a chimaera. He has (uh. Had???) heterochromia. That's why his eye items are different colors.

Is bald on purpose

Judas

Br*tish. Mancunian, even.

Hanged himself in the closet

His pact was with Belial (obv)

Chose to learn the dark arts when he was nine

Eventually got the stick out of his ass and developed a sense of humor

Still Anti-Christian to the point where it's a bit worrying but the others are starting to understand him

Yes he had a friend named Jesús. It was an unintentional betrayal, though.

???

He can't really talk. All that comes out when he vocalizes are grunts and groans.

Responds to a lot of questions by just. smiling and shrugging 🤷‍♂️

Just. Chilling.

Chaotic and does what he Wants for comedic purposes

Eve

Has a Dead Bird tattoo on her chest.

Needs to take blood-thinning pills.

Forgotten calls her "V" as a reference to his own nickname.

Has a younger brother named Adam

Ma'am please stop smoking it's SO bad for you

Half Japanese cause I said so

She's still marked by the Whore of Babylon on her left thigh, which she got through the Satanic Church

It's undecided which demon she made her pact with. I was thinking about making it a twist where it's Lilith…

The local crows love her

Samson

Back story here

His middle name is Loowit after Mount St. Helens

The only person he fully trusts and can make him smile is Maggy 🥺

Beat his dad to death lmao

He was happier as a kid when his mom was still around…

Now he just has anger issues and gets easily annoyed

Delilah.

Azazel

The OG. It's unknown what his Choir was before his Fall, besides being in the class of Watchers

Has a face mask for every occasion. Ofc there are meme ones

His sense of humor is. SO BAD.

This is where his wings and horn went

Making fun of people is his way of showing affection

Still misses Semjaza even though he was kinda back stabbed

Lazarus

He is a TOTAL hippy. Vegetarian and all.

Flipped Laz doesn't give a fuck about any personal beliefs though and will do anything to survive. Sometimes regular Laz will flip back with a stomach ache cause he unknowingly ate meat.

Laz subconsciously flips when he feels like he's about to die (kinda like the emergency button trinket). Obv it's automatic when he "clears" rooms.

Normal Laz is very sweet and shy

Dead/Flipped Laz is angry, driven to that point by dying so many times. His rage could almost match Samson's

Flipped Laz is incredibly paranoid and is always in fight-or-flight mode

Eden

A fallen deity

Knows more about the world than the others

They are the personification of the chaotic nature of the universe. They are both tranquility and chaos. They are blessed and damned. They are all and nothing.

Judas introduced them to memes. Oh God why did you do that. They're almost as bad as Azazel. They won't stop saying amogus. Help.

Fourth wall breaker

God wanted to make them one of His angels so they'd always be under His control. But Eden is too stubborn.

Eloquent speaker

Shapeshifter cause their true form would melt everyone. Mainly changes their voice to quote ytps.

Lately they’ve been losing some control of their powers, which is why they appear glitchy

Lost

Edgy

Needy

Keep killing him it's funny

Check out his spiders

Backstory thing here

While he knows he can easily die he still fucks with the others cause he thinks its funny

Lilith

The OG

No hard feelings for Adam, but definitely some for God

And Samael. Dear LORD don’t bring him up

Married to Asmodeus

Gello's full name is Gelatínus Azariah Shamdon (yeah lol, Raphael's cover name, and Asmodeus' father)

Assigned mom friend and treats everyone like they’re her children

With help from Azazel, she got Judas and Beth together

In general plays matchmaker with Zaze. They've got a great record it's just 99% of their successful matches are random nobody enemies no one cares about

Incubus doesn’t seem to talk to her anymore...

Keeper

Often forgets the other kids' names cause he never cared to learn them unless they paid up (he always called Bethany Brittany for example)

This is why he gave them all titles and refers to them by that (The Zealot, The Broken, etc)

INSANELY good at math. Gotta be good at counting them coins

Best way I can describe his existence is that he's a corpse inhabited by a fragment of Greed? When he was "unlocked" he was no longer controlled by Ultra Greed/part of the hive mind

Another eloquent speaker, he's more flamboyant about it though

Apollyon

Another OG

If he gets too excited about the Pit eventually taking all, new cracks appear or previous cracks on his body worsen.

His pre-Fall name was Abaddon. It’s unknown what his Choir was.

Abbadon was cocky and prideful but was very quickly humbled by God. Don’t ever shit-talk Gabriel again

His sentences always trail off…

Used to be friends with the Horsemen

Main form of affection is existing in the same room as someone, like a cat. He considers this bonding.

Forgotten

Everyone calls him "F" for short.

He's been hanging around Eve too much cause now he's emo and apathetic like her.

Is the skeleton a different soul??? Who knows!

Uncomfortable in tight spaces. He's not over the being buried thing

Bethany (Her!!!!)

I dunno if that's supposed to be an eye or jewel on her head??? Honestly I kinda prefer jewel

Either way it bleeds when she cries

And it only ever glows if she has an active wisp

Each wisp she summons is gifted by a Goetic demon (I'll explain more once I actually make a ref sheet)

Has a Seal of Solomon ring (again will be on an eventual ref sheet)

Her mom's name is Judy (after Judea in the Bible)

Kinda backstory again

Second soprano in choir

Knew Edith

Only acts tough. She's still sweet on the inside. Her mouth just runs faster than her brain sometimes and regrets things she said

Jacob

J+E backstory here

His mother's name is Rebekah (Like in the Bible)

Momma's boy

Has always been easily jealous and afraid to admit it

Has had a weak stomach ever since he, well, watched his brother get flayed

Blood makes him queasy, cause, well--

We all know he simps for Beth. Dude please just let it go

Currently wearing his mother’s dress

Esau

Much like in the Bible he's the older, fraternal twin

And his dad liked him more…

His vision doesn't suck ass like Jacob's cause of his pact

Which he made with Satan btw

The reason why he's grabbed by Big Horn when he "dies" is because Esau babysits Lil Horn for him. It's the least he can do.

Speaking of Lil Horn that's his little onglydoople. His cutest tootsit. Bapy

I wanted to be dramatic and only have him in serious situations but it's honestly more fun to make him act like an angry cat

Friends with the demon bosses. Yes he gets a lot of "Remember when we tried to kill u??? Lol." jokes from them

I tried to make sure everyone had at least a few. Some definitely have fewer than others lol. I tried my best.

Feel free to, like, reblog this or message me about this. I came up with these on my own so peer review would be nice 👉👈

#((i cant think of anymore so imma post it now))#((left this all out of parentheses for ease of formatting))#the binding of isaac #tboi #headcanons #ooc #mun speaks

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savnofilter · 5 years

Note

I think you're hilarious in such a good way and Im new to Tumblr. Your work is amzing and i was wondering if you have any bnha blog recommendations or must read fics?

WARNING! this gets long as SHIT. so im sorry. im on mobile so liek,, also there are shit ton of amazing writers on here but my memory has been terrible as of recently, so sorry about that. all the people mentioned have really good fics so going through their masterlist is the bes option i have on here for you!! also sorry this was so late, i did a lot of username checking and now finally got the balls to post this with their @s cnuidwneovn- also!! be mindful because i was iffy in tagging some because i wasnt too sure if they wrote for bnha anymore. so w/o further adieu!!!now for my fave ao3 fics (with no ranking)~

His Tryanny by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: fantasy

summary: “Deep in a land just like in the fairy tales, lives 4 different kingdoms. But when a hot headed king of one kingdom wants to take over, he seeks for more power. A girl locked away in a tower for her entire life because of her forbidden power, finds a new life when an ash blonde male comes flying through her window. How will their life play out?”

my thoughts: FUCKINGT AMAZING BOOK LIKE I FUCKING STAN. TT its so fucking good! the angst, the tension, angry bloody bakugo?! fucking check! amazing book!! 12/10 will always recommend. mc will say “million reasons” i be like “his tyranny tho, 👀” (and other books but we have to appreciate my highness rq).

completed: yis!

My Angel by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: greek mythology

summary: “The infamous fallen angel, serving under Hades (AFO), Bakugou Katsuki, was known for constantly wreaking havoc within heaven. Defying against God and other deities, he was blacklisted from Heaven. (l/n) (y/n) being an elite archangel under Athena (Miruko), is set on a mission to rid of Bakugou Katsuki but takes a 180 when you sudden began developing feelings for the crooked angel during the confrontation – him reciprocating the feelings. Though relationships between a worker of God and a demon was the greatest sin, and faced consequences to those who are caught. ~ Having to sneak around and hide your relationship with the fallen angel how would an archangel keep her status under God while simultaneously keeping an accursed romantic affair.(sorry i suck at summaries lmao)”

my thoughts: you know, i just have a craving to live a life in greekish-mythologyish and reading lore of olympus makes it partly redeemed. but this takes the cake. LIKE?! oh my fucking god! absoluetely love and im still reading it cause im slow asf but its so good so far! and she doesnt at all, the summaries are what got me interested!!

completed: neh~

I’m Broken Too (Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi) by Kikyo851 (quotev; kikyo851/tumblr; @heroes-among-us-all)

au: canon

summary: “What’s a girl to do when she can’t quite make it as a hero? Become a villain, of course.”

my thoughts: okay so youre thinking, “that summary is short asf” but godtdamn the book is motherfucking good dawg. lieke,,, this absolutely fueled my villain spark way back whenever. (you can gladly thank this book and all the dabi fics from @lord-explosion-baku, who also has a book called “thorns” which is also on ao3. i havent read it because im not into that au but it has many good reviews!!)

completed: neh~

Million Reasons by Chub_Rye (other socials; not listed)

au: future canon (?)

summary: “This is not a happy story, you really wished it was but how can it be when your marriage is falling apart. You truly love your husband, the thing is…he doesn’t seem to feel the same anymore ((Trigger warning: this is a very emotional heavy story, you have been warned.)) Inspiration: Million Reasons by Lady Gaga”

my thoughts:

*if i had the time i would edit to: “im fucking sobbing fam”* because this shit hurtedt. like, HURTEDT. this book, this very book is the reason why fucking katsuki fucking bakugo slapped down the damn rankings on my list. didnt fucking like him for like two weeks, just thinking about him made me mad as FUCK. but its written so good i cant be mad?! i… okay moving on before i start crying and listing reasons why katsuki needs to CHOKE in this damn book. also if you dislike deku then this story will change. you.

completed: neh~

Muted by HecateSG (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “A collection of short one-shot stories where the reader has lost the ability to speak due to an incident that ranges from accident, to intentional, which now leaves you in the care of at least one of this dashing and intrepid cast of characters. There will be a variety of scenario’s explored and kinks touched upon for all you curious depraved little ones. ~ The only thing these all have in common is that the Reader will remain almost exclusively quiet the entire time ~ The tags will be updated as more chapters are released.”

my thoughts: this is a one-shot book (no cohesive storyline unless chosen) but its so good. so good. i thought shigaraki, dabi and all might in one book was interesting but never the less, super good! i never was interested in the mute concept but its written good? (but thinking about it all the other mute!reader fics are good but they wont nsfw so it didnt interest me-) furthermore, its so good. so pure. so hot. 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Nightclub AU by sour_pink29 (tumblr; @heros-amoung-us)

au: well… nightclub

summary: “U.A. is the most prestigious and well known nightclub in the world. It takes a high price and a creditable reputation to attend the club, but only because it makes your wildest dreams and fantasies come true. The workers are the best of the best: the 1A class; with the sexiest dancers, flirtatious waitresses and waiters, master bartenders, and high class security. It’s truly no wonder why the rich and famous travel from all corners of the world to have one special night at U.A. ~ As a waitress at the club, you were used to dealing with rich, handsome, high maintenance bachelors. But when 6 mysterious men enter the club and your life, you feel something different spark between you and them as they turn your life on it’s head. For better or for worse… ~ AU where you and the 1A class (and some other characters) are workers at the club. Kaminari, Kirishima, Katsuki, Shoto, Tetsu, Izuku, and Sero are all competing for your attention. ~ WILL INCLUDE NSFW IN SOME CHAPTERS ;)”

my thoughts: THGIS BOOK FUCKIN SLAPS. HANDS DOWN WOULD TOOT MY ASS UP FOR THIS! (thought about dropping my studies and just fucking doing stripper work-) like wow… its a good book and the writer was prob one of the first wirters i followed on here?! (thats if tumblr didnt fucking remove my damn following like it usually does. ._.) enough about that, its really good. i think about it often.

completed: neh~

Plus Ultra! One-shots and Requests by MistressPikachu (FinalVolition) [tumblr; @adelheidvonschicksal]

au: varies

summary: “A place to store all my smaller drabbles for BNHA. NSFW and SFW requests CLOSED!”

my thoughts: um so she write for *everything* but not like everything, everything. so sometimes it be like a red flag so make sure you are reading it carefully on the story you click on! personally, since theyre a good asf writer i usually dip my toe in all of them but sometimes i just cant but the ones i can, i read over and over and over again. worth a million reads tbh. 12/10 would recommend if youre nasty like that (and i KNOW you guys are).

completed: neh~

slutty one shots by cherrykwrites (tumblr; @cherrykwrites)

au: varies

summary: “Collection of some slutty short scenarios. Mostly Bakugo, could include other characters too. ~ Everything will be NSFW in this collection. ~ Themes like non con, underage, alcohol, bdsm, daddy kinks, ect could occur in these writings. ~ These are purely works of fiction and do not reflect reality, I do NOT condone any of the immoral actions written in these.”

my thoughts: so of course i could not leave the og, the real home slice, cherry-mother-k-fuckin-writes- CAN WE CLAP FOR THE QUEEN? so essentially, her shit is good asf. you should read it cause its good asf. shes not around that much but she def is really good! (also has my thinking about writing some tattoo artist!bakugo these days, or even a series for my husbandos…). never thought about sandwhiched between kirishima and bakugo until i came across her fics~

completed: neh~

Euphoria - NSFW Series by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: varies

summary: “Just a bunch of BNHA characters involved in several different kinks with you. ~ Summary of first chapter: ~ “Katsuki…”That mewl you made was hard to hear but somehow it reached Midoriya’s ears and he gulped as he saw said man standing up from the ground in front of you. A smirk as wide as it can be with his tongue brushing the corners of his mouth as if he just finished eating the best meal of his life.————————- Basically, Midoriya is in for a emotional ride lol”

my thoughts: they are such a good writer. another one-shots book but they will appear once again on the list but this book is just beautiful. and im a perv. so. have fun.

comepleted: neh~

⚠️okay so this is a series of fics from one writer, but instead of making a shit ton on the list (because if this isnt long already) its by the user QuillMind (tumblr; @quillmind) here are some of my faves:⚠️

Incendiary ~ a/b/o, “Mating season has come yet again. Bakugou has even more trouble controlling it than in previous years… and it’s all your fault.”

Mating Hunt ~ a/b/o, “You and Bakugou have been together for some time. Though you both know you only want each other, your bond won’t truly be permanent and known to all until he claims you during mating season. And as impatient as Bakugou is, as an Alpha, he loves a good chase. You decide to give him one.”

Story Time - A Reader x BNHA Multific by WhenSarahSmiles (tumblr; @makethiscanon)

au: fairytale/storybook/canon-ish

summary: “Whilst fighting a powerful villain, you find yourself sucked into the world their quirk created with no memories of your old life. Yet, the men you meet along the way have a familiar feel to them. Perhaps they can help you unlock your memories? ~ A Hero Academia/Fairy Tale mash up, there’s plenty of chaos to follow even if you think you know the classic stories well. ~ [Warning: Explicit Content from chapter 3 onwards] ~ [I will warn you which chapter features the non-con]] ~ “

-> Story one: Little Red Riding Hood (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader)-> Story two: The Little Mermaid (Shouto Todoroki x Reader)-> Story three: Jack and the Beanstalk (Eijirou Kirishima x Reader)-> Story four: The Three Little Pigs (Denki Kaminari x Reader)-> Story five: Sleeping Beauty (Shouto Todoroki x Reader x Katsuki Bakugou)-> Story six: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Midoriya, Tokoyami, Sero, Monoma, Ojiro, Shinsou x Reader)

my thoughts: bitch i have no thoughts. i only have THOTS. this is a masterpiece, like ive been lacking, the one im on rn is the kirishima one and it worth the read, and i bet the ones after that have been just as amazing! amazing work 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Wolves Among Us (Mini Series) by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: fantasy

summary: “Something about watching him lick your chilled skin was stirring something within you. Your legs started to shiver, but not of the cold that surrounded your slightly exposed body but of a feeling blossoming in the inner regions of your lower stomach. You were getting lost in the rhythm of his pants, wandering in the hazy want of his intense eyes. Your breath began to tremble, and you tried to squeeze your legs together to withstand the odd sensation growing, but he held your leg still and showed no signs of letting go. You were suddenly aware of his hand on your lower thigh, and you noticed that it was the first time a man’s hand had touched there. ~ You were a flower that had yet to bloom in the late of spring. Pure, untouched and suddenly, bombarded with desires. You never shivered in the way a man could make you, and curiosity—maybe naivety, was keeping you from your fear of the beast. —————– Basically, you fall in love with a rude wolf man. ~ Mini series!! Werewolf!Bakugo x Human!Reader, Fantasy AU ~ Inspired by The Company of Wolves by Angela Carter”

my thoughts: i ride this books ASS for updates. my favourite bakugo au’s are fantasy (wit da dragoons) and were!katsuki (haluween). i fucking love it, i love their works. theyre busy with school (like i should be but scholars are all different-) trust me its so good. it has that good spice that make fill my heart with sexy uwuwuwuwuwuwuwus. love it.

completed: neh~

Katsuki Bakugo Scenario Collection by Hvalross (tumblr; @cutesuki–bakugou)

au: varies

summary: “A collection of oneshots and scenarios I’ve done for Bakugou, both personal works and requests on my blog Cutesuki-Bakugou. ~ Please note that the rating of each story will be in the notes of the chapter. Stories range from TEEN to EXPLICIT.”

my thoughts: oh my god. i reread this one chap over and over and over and over and over and over- and over again. the stories range from cute to just good smut and its so good. so beautifully written. and i cant help but just appreciate it. love it sm. (also sorry if i tagged the wrong tumblr im confsued as to which one you use ahaha)

completed: neh~

Wish the World Away by hoshigalaxy (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “bakugou katsuki is the number one hero. but with this title comes a huge target on his back. sometimes it’s better to stay single when you’re a pro hero. there could be accidents. ~ but that’s three years in the past now and bakugou is slowly moving on from what’s happened. that is until he runs into his mysterious new neighbour and things get complicated again.”

my thoughts: ;-; this one hits different. almost like a million reasons type of different. i dont want to spoil it but godt damn man. there is so much to be uncovered but it really hasnt been updated. (cri) its a beautiful book tho. fingers crossed for when it updates next.

completed: neh :

Up in Smoke. (Soulmate AU) by Grapelimeade (tumblr; @gojirabbit)

au: well,, soulmate

summary: “Bakugou doesn’t want a fucking soulmate.”

my thoughts: may i say…it is such a stark contrast to Million Reasons. it is so fucking captivating i will not shit you. this book, is amazing. im just saying, that midoriya scene tho,, 👀 that kirishima friendship,, 💪🏽 its so good…? got me panting for the next chap (and no not like that weirdos but there is nsfw because when tf do you catch me reading a fic without nsfw…?) but i recommend. mc: million reasons tho me: up in smoke tho-

completed: neh~

Vermilion by Morgana_Ren (tumblr; @morgana-ren)

au: canon

summary: “Tomura Shigaraki had a goal. It started out simple enough. Kill All Might, and watch the society that revered heroes above all else crumble to dust alongside their idol. However, what originally starts off as a chance encounter with a UA student during the battle of USJ sends him reeling down the crooked path of obsession.”

my thoughts: its just…? my shigaraki thirst was sparked from this very story. it good, supplies my shifty hands needs and it suffices the boiling lust in my clit. wish we’d see more cause i love it already and it blends the story line well. love it. 11/10

completed: neh~

words hurt [Bakugo Katsuki x Reader] by QueenExplosionMurder (tumblr; @strawberryandspiceandchocolate)

au: canon

summary: “*more tags to be added* ~ when Bakugo Katsuki friendzones the reader, their friendship takes a nose dive off of the face of the earth and he doesn’t hear from her for a while. that is until she is suddenly thrown back into his life, quite literally actually…”

my thoughts: well you think i can go a post without tagging my president? youre fucking wrong. i have actually posted my own prev of her book which you can find here. i am just astonished at well the mood is (because tb when all i would talk about is mood) because mood is just good. it doesnt seem cliche to me. cant wait until the next update.

completed: neh~

You and Yamada by Jo_Rutherford_Lee (other socials; not listed)

au: varies

summary: “Just a few short Present Mic/Reader PWPs I needed to get out of my head.”

my thoughts:

i love this book. couldnt find the yamada book i was looking for but i would be lying if this doesnt revive my yamada love every once in awhile. (jk i found the book but this one is really cute and a quick read!!)

completed: yis

Singed Rose Petals: (Alpha) Dabi x (Omega) Reader by Smutsy (other socials; not listed)

au: a/b/o

summary: ““The villains were always ugly in books and movies. Necessarily so, it seemed. Because if they were attractive - if their looks matched their charm and their cunning - they wouldn’t only be dangerous. They would be irresistible.” - Nenia Campbell”

my thoughts: ohhhh because you guys thought that i’d go through a post without mentioning dabi? LOL so,, this book has brought many many many happy coochie tingles to me. i would murder to be dabi’s omega. and DAS on baby. never was really interested in a/b/o stuff till i read this. love it so much 11/10.

completed: yis

special mentions:

BNHA Brothel by orphan_account [multiple, unfinished]

Hero Killer’s Charge by VulcanCaptain [stain x reader, unfinished]

Mouth Moods by Koalolive (twitter; renlup) [present mic, unfinished]

and god please dont fucking roast me i had a hawks faze. Birb Office for Birbs by insanityrunsinthe_family

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