#the great wall of text

[thenightstroll]

First thing: Somehow couldn't make proper rebloggery, so passed it as a link. All unproperly credited parties, please feel apologized ;3 Second thing: It Glows. It Distrots Electronics. It Probably Radiates. Bad. Welcome to The Atomic Age. And remmember: watch the glow. Also, watch your molecular integrity. Third thing: Anyone else gonna ask me why the heck I would need some decent radiation detector? That's exactly why. Also, cool gizmo, also can be aquired quite cheap.

For more details, inquire your local nerd community.

PS: if your audio device starts to make random sounds (including: klicking, noise (in nerdy sense; read: hum, or sough), you should already have idea what's going on. Exaple (first half actual examples, second nerdy explanation, fun stuff):

PS. 2? It could be worse. Like, spreading glowy stuff in the air, make party drinking, dancing, and smoking, maybe grill. If you manage, before the laws of physics notice what's giong on. How?

Did you know, that almost all powders are highly explosive, when properly mixed with source of oxygen (aka: spread in the air)?

Remmember Your Health And Safety. And obligatory disclaimer: All rebloged and/or written content is for informational purposes only. Any of authors and/or rebloggers of the content (further: The Content) of this post cannot be held responsible of any use and/or abuse of The Content. The Content is provided AS IS, and what one do with The Content is his/hers/theirs and/or [insert a fitting possesive pronoun] individual responsibility, including, but not limited to: personal and/or third party harm, property loss, nausea, hedaches, depresion, sudden realizations, hightened caution in personal and/or proffesional life, spending any amount of time acknowleging and/or researching provided sources, and/or temporarily and/or permanently increased inteligence.

But, seriously. Make a habit of checking, then rechecking, then tripple checking ANYTHING you find on The Interwebs. Googling, learning, and finding out from others mistakes, as opposed to making your own, may one day, quite literally, save your life.

PS.3

On much lighter notice, the glowing is really nice, check it out:

and the wth: basically a "sonic boom" but with a light ("light boom"?), in a water.

And for the more imaginative, and/or more paranoia prone ones of us: the fact your headphones crack, or your sceen starts to act funny is most probably because of broken cable, or other relatively trivial malfunction, rather than because of putting in your pocket or usb slot radioactive material. Hopefully, chance of running into deadly radioactive material, or any seriously hazardous substance, for most of people is still quite miniscule. To not say, staistically imposible. So as it is good to have open mind, it probabbly isn't much more dangerous out there, in the world than when you started reading. Also, it's still probably a good idea, to take a walk outside, meet your friends, maybe check out some stars (they radiate too, but you shouldn't feel too much concern, They are much too far away to do any harm), and try to enjoy yourself. Tl;DR, Take care ;] PS.4 The above should be PS. 5

[elizabethrobertajones]

kriles summer trust top is kinda problematic tho... lalafell r smol and should be wholesome.

Aw, come on.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree because within the fiction, lalafell are just as mean, gross and horny as anyone else. Gegeruju is a perv, and the whole Ul'dah Syndicate is full of evil little bastards. On the good side, lala are just as complex and grown up as anyone else - Tataru courts followers and dances in a skimpy outfit in the Forgotten Knight, Giott is a roaring drunk stereotypical fantasy dwarf (not to mention whatever the heck is going on with the Tomra and Komra dwarves in general tbh :P). And Lamitt's story was sweet but it did involve her having adult feelings for Ardbert.

Like, really, I can only think of 4 completely wholesome lala out of a cast of hundreds, and they happen to mostly be the ones we've interacted with a lot (Nanamo; Pipin who is a Heroic Knight archetype; Papalymo, who was a grumpy old scholar man; Krile). But that's more about them being main characters serving roles in the narrative rather than indicative of how lalas behave as a whole. In fact after going through ARR, meeting Pipin and finding One Good Ul'dahn Lala is an enormous relief (since the other one is apparently dead now).

And Krile is a main character now so she's allowed to step out of the shadow of being uwu cat hoodie girl who wasn't written with much depth outside of being serious and earnest and rather spooky; she's actually 22 years old according to the first wiki I found - regardless of if that's totally accurate she's definitely meant to be a peer of the other adult Scions and they all treat her like an adult. Her introduction cutscene has her ribbing Alphy as an older friend laughing at how a much younger one used to behave, so we're supposed to immediately understand on meeting her that she's post-teen since she knew 11 year old Alphy and was of course older than him since he was a freak entry into the Studium at that age. Probably a necessary writing moment because establishing lala's age with hilarious moustaches or deep voices or whatever is a part of how the game has to present them.

Out of the fiction, I know lalas are part of a much wider trope that people do find problematic as a whole (e.g. just because in universe Tataru has babes across the globe and that's normal to everyone involved, who are consenting adults in a world which wholly understands Tataru as a consenting adult, is it actually really creepy that it's happening at all because her body type is toddler-esque? Is it weird in general that lala emotes are SO baby in the same way miqo emotes are SO kitty?

ffxiv definitely goes waaay further into borderline creepy territory than many games with smaller fantasy races in it, when it comes to how lala look, so yeah I know it's a fraught area and can be discomforting to see the game present child-shaped people as having adult desires and a thing some people understandably set aside along with other elements as things they're not happy with co-existing in the game with things they really love.) We can absolutely talk about that on a meta level of how we relate to the game and feel about it, just like things we find racist or uncomfortable in other ways e.g. eng translation Hien's treatment of Yotsuyu being a really problematic point.

But, that's one thing, versus talking about us here in fandom and how we relate to it, and I think your ask is, well, really not very deeply considered on any level, but I think is talking about how we as fandom relate to lalas, based on an inaccurate reading of them in the game, meaning you're really not even analysing a thing about it and therefore your ask comes more in the terms of policing how we should FEEL about Krile's beach outfit, and dictating that we SHOULD find lalas smol and wholesome, and that therefore there's an inherent problem in anyone reacting positively to the outfit, rather than critiquing its place in the game in the first place. Having hit a cognitive dissonance in seeing swimsuit Krile existing you've come to me to complain it's problematic rather than taking any actual meaningful action. Ergo, this is a fandom problem to you, not a game problem. WE should find it problematic and say so, you are implying, shocked that so many people looked at a post about the beach outfits and no one commented as such.

Aside from lalafell being fictional and at no point other than the visuals are they treated as children (and emotes aside, playing through the MSQ as a lala wol you easily fall into seeing them as an adult because of course all the cutscenes share the same level of gravitas no matter what you're playing or what clown costume you have on any player), there ARE actually real humans who are built somewhere closer to lala than not, and would be drawn to playing any of the smaller races in a game (like, gnomes in WoW, halflings in D&D, etc) because that's just their chance at representation. And because FFXIV doesn't have anything other than precious moments doll-shaped people the look might be great in the sense that they have the proportions of a cherub statue and it is a lot harder to meet in the middle than a halfling (notoriously hairy middle aged bastards and much easier to read as adult, though that doesn't exclusively represent people who've had growth developmental differences), that IS still the only representative option some people have in the game and if they want to indulge it rather than play something else with proportions forced on them by many games, then what the hell is wrong with that?

And they WILL go to bat for lalas and get upset when people say that they have to be precious baby characters who act like children. I've seen that on tumblr: there's a whole lala community who keeps kinda low key and away from everyone else by their own admission BECAUSE as soon as they get too much attention they're deluged with hate for playing characters who have adult desires and dress fancy - or, you know, like any other random slutty elf WoL. The fact I wandered onto lala blogs at random and saw that complaint on the first pages should speak to how often they have to deal with it. And, again, within the fiction of the game their characters are completely 100% normal and doing what other lalas who are written by the game do as well. I KNOW those blogs are out there and they'd be scared of getting this exact ask, and it would greatly upset them and ruin their day and put them off having any interaction with the community, which fucking sucks. We're here to have fun!

That said I'm not a weirdo anti all up in others' business, it's also fine to just like lalas and stuff without some huge circumstantial justification like "they look like me" - or - "my IRL wife" or whatever - you can also just play a lala or ship with one and it's like, your business. If that's all you're doing and it's not a hypothetical child molester who also has a whole gallery of lala porn that the cops find when they impound the computer full of REAL CHILDREN stuff as well it's never going to be anyone else's business anyway, ever, and that's like, one hypothetical awful person for a whole fandom of normies who are just surprised by how much idk Pipin's deep voice rocked their world and changed their whole perspective on what a hot character was.

Like, granted, that one HYPOTHETICAL weirdo will make everything rancid because there are people waiting to jump on people who like lalas, but also it still won't actually change what other people are doing into being Evil just because someone who actually hurts children found lalas attractive too. That, again, was the hypothetical awful person's problem and not theirs. And in no way can we just casually imply ALL people who like lalas are just inherently going to be dangerous, like real children, or enacting a private psychodrama teetering on the edge of all that.

They could in fact be completely average and boring psychologically and also have a crush on Tataru. Or, I guess, normal amount of weird for a fandom, but basically average XD In a fictional world where these characters are treated as adults, even normal people will naturally end up drawn to them as adults because, well, that's the story that's we're all engaging in. It's not inherently a thought crime to do so, because, weirdly, thought crimes don't exist.

Also, of course, people will literally discourse that hobbits are child-coded and shouldn't be shipped or seen as sexy, despite the most famous halflings, who made the entire halfling race as a generic brand, all being middle aged, hairy, smoking, drinking, guys with normal adult desires and mindsets. I mean yeah Elijah Wood was 18 when they started filming LotR (over several years so he was Krile's age by the end :P) but also Frodo celebrated his 40th birthday before setting off on the Ring Quest in the book and he was the baby of the group aside from Pippin.

In any case, there's no fucking winning and so I can understand completely that if a fucking Hobbit from Lord of the Rings gets shit for being short, and people are getting called a perv for fancying Sam Gamgee, then why not just embrace it with a Lalafell because you're literally damned no matter what in the eyes of someone who won't meet a LOTR HOBBIT where he stands as an adult man.

There's some DEEP puritanical brainrot going on online and I don't want to be a part of it whatsoever, so it means accepting lala likers for the sake of protecting Merry and Pippin's right to be seen as hot, than like, I know which side of of the line I'm dragging my beach chair. It's not even a question. I'm defending people who think lalas are appealing.

ANYWAY none of this is my business, I don't even find lalas sexy, I just think Krile looks nice in her cute summer top and it's lovely that she's getting fashion advice from her besties, and there's a million reasons to be happy about that and for her as a character, and only miserable bastard reasons to go "aurgh aurgh it's problematic" and condemn the game and everyone who plays it just for enjoying something. Lalas are NOT smol and wholesome, they're short and people, and that's fine.

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[duvewing]

[silusvesuius]

n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.

[arttsuka]

Why are most adult cartoons/animation in general so, ugly and unappealing? And why 90% of the times the humor is 'haha sex' etc? Do we adults not deserve pretty animations that are allowed to be more mature and have themes that wouldn't cut it if it were in a kids media?

[wrylu]

HELLO POOKSLU!!!!!! it's been awhile we actually interact (me being busy sucks sometimes) I seen you reblog an ask one so I had few!!!!

💕🕹️🌼🌐

Hope you have fun answering them!!!!

-Obviously Marcel :3

hEY POOKMAR!!!!! wont be answering 🕹️ or 🌐because i did it [here] :D MISSED YOU THOUGH!!!!!!

💕(top two fictional characters): this is mean you can't just say "pick two" and expect me to pick only TWO. so i'll do two from each of my top three favorite games <33 call of duty: john price and nikolai..... i mean. DUH. gaz is a close second though :) hollow knight: zOTE THE MIGHTY!!!!!! and um um maybe errr uh!! Frick uhm dung defender<33 red dead redemption [2]: sighs...... micah bell and prorbsjaly bill williamson ....... i am too ashamed GUYS DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THt I JUST!!!!!! micah's a rat bastard and i love rat bastards and please guys cmon you can't just I MEANT THEYRE BKTH SO PRETTY/p VUYS PWLAS

anyway

🌼 (favorite flower): the hibiscus flower........ specifically the pinkish-reddish ones...... for no reason at all by the way

[hallwyeoo]

Ellie’s memory of the golfing scene and what it tells us about her.

🚨spoilers for tlou2🚨

I think Ellie’s flashback to Joel’s death is very telling of how she internalized the event and the meaning she applied to his death. It’s also a good demonstration of her relationship to autonomy. Let’s break down the elements that were inconsistent with the actual event:

The stairs/hallway are much longer than they were. This suggests a sense of helplessness, an inability to get there fast enough. Joel is constantly out of reach.

There is blood on the floor outside of the door. Not entirely certain on this one but my hunch is that she blames herself for not seeing more obvious signs of violence/not knowing something was wrong sooner.

The door is locked, another roadblock in her path to Joel. She can’t access him, she can’t help, he needs her and she isn’t there.

Most importantly. Joel yells “Ellie, help me” (which he didn’t in the actual scene, he just screams. He doesn’t say a word in the actual scene)

Ellie hearing Joel scream for her help, calling for her while being horribly beaten, and her being repeatedly impeded on her way to him suggests that what she took away from his death is that she wasn’t enough. They always helped each other, always had each others backs, always got up. Ellie views his death as a failure. She was too slow, too weak, not smart enough to save him. She failed him when he needed her most. She is absolutely helpless to save him, just like she was helpless to save Riley, Tess, Sam, and Jessie (and Marlene, and humanity, and and and-).

Once again, Ellie makes a decision (staying with Riley, going to the fireflies, staying with Joel, being the cure, trying to forgive Joel) and once again her autonomy and ability to find closure is ripped from her.

This is the inciting incident of tlou pt2, this is the moment where Ellie’s whole world shatters the same way Joel’s did at the start of pt1. Ellie enters into the same cycle (which I like to call the “Joel cycle” because… yeah.) that he did, and throughout pt2 she stays in the “20 years later” phase of the cycle. She is changed, she has lost her light, lost what she fought for. She lost her chance to genuinely forgive Joel and rebuild their relationship. She is stuck in a gruelling and violent world that she has no anchor in, at least not anymore. His death is so sudden and so incredibly violent that it practically gave her (and me as well, tbh) whiplash. She’s in a state of total shock.

On another devastating note, this is one of the three times in tlou that we see Ellie beg (that I remember). The first is begging Joel to get up at the university of Eastern Colorado, the second is begging him to get up and for Abby to stop, and the third is begging Abby to not kill Dina because she’s pregnant. (Two times she begs Joel to get up, one time he doesn’t. Two times she begs Abby to spare her family and one time she does. What a beautifully haunting contrast)

To wrap up, every person creates an internal narrative, a story of their life that is crafted from their context and lived experiences. The meaning we derive from those experiences doesn’t always reflect the truth, and that can sometimes bite us in the ass majorly when we experience a traumatic event. We tend to want to find someone or something to assign blame to, some reason or rationale to why it happened. We tell stories. We write them in our minds about ourselves and what happens to us and what that says about us.

But Ellie is wrong. Joel’s death happened in response to a conscious and willing choice he made. It is in no way her fault, and there was absolutely no way for her to know or to stop what was happening. I think Ellie knows that much on an intellectual level, It just doesn’t change how devastated she is over the whole event. It can’t change the fact that she FEELS as though this was all her fault, that Joel did what he did to save her, that she could have saved him. That she should have.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Hey there! Hekate has pointed me toward your blog and I just wanted to say hi 💞

I do have a question though, have you ever had deities help you with motivation and executive functioning skills? I've got ADHD and the "laziness"(🤢) or what I call "going slug mode" (staying in bed all day, no motivation to shower, etc) really commands my life.

My periods of deity work tend to coincide with my periods of productivity and energy, but I often fall off when, well, everything else falls off. So I guess I'm also looking for advice or at least to connect with someone who's had similar experiences.

(I've also connected with Aphrodite and Loki! Other gods I've worked with in the past are Mother Hathor and Brigid)

First off, I may or may not have had so many feelings upon seeing "Hekate has pointed me towards your blog" because the idea that my blog can be useful enough that a deity would go "go look at what that dude has to say" just brings me so much joy.

Second off, OH THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I SHOULD SCREAM ABOUT THANK YOU. I can't believe I haven't already made a post about this!!

I, too, am an ADHD motherfucker and I have always had so many issues with keeping up with my craft. I will absolutely be calling it "slug mode" from now on, that's the best fucking way to put it. I've had deities help me with executive function at times, but if I'm honest I've forgotten lately that I can ask them for help with that. More often than not it looks more like nudging me towards a task than giving me the energy- but that doesn't mean you can't ask! It just means I forgot I could, lol.

This is gonna be a chonker post, so I'm breaking this post up into two parts; 1, why accepting "falling off" was the best thing I could have done for myself and 2, how to still connect with your craft (and deities) through those times anyway.

So for one, you're not broken or a failure, and your deities fuckin' love you.

Call me philosophical, but hear me out; I've always worked in cycles. Cycles of insane productivity, cycles of tiredness, cycles of hyperfixation on one thing, then another, then another. I'm just someone who works that way, and I've always viewed it as a problem to be fixed. I've always viewed MYSELF as a problem to be fixed, which really started with the school system but that's an unrelated rant. So, apologies for getting a bit intense especially since this may not apply to you personally, but just in case:

You're not a problem. You don't need to fix yourself. The world works in cycles. Seasons, reincarnation if you subscribe to that belief, the water cycle, and a billion other things I've forgotten- working with cycles is just a natural way of going about life that I think shouldn't be forgotten. I have intense periods of growth in my craft, and I have periods where I don't do much and instead play my favorite video game for eight hours straight- and that's okay! One of the best things I did for myself and my craft was give myself permission to do that. I, and you, are not failures as witches for "falling off" and our deities love us anyway. Not in spite of it, either, because of it. They know how to work with the cyclic nature of things; people are no different.

So honestly, there's a chance that none of this will make sense to you- but there's a chance that you, and maybe others seeing this post, might find that giving yourself permission to go through cycles might be the best thing you could do.

Okay, now that I've yelled about that, here's ways that I keep myself connected to my craft and my deities during my less witchy periods.

I give myself permission to use witchcraft for "dumb shit." I have at least one post on this, but witchcraft can BE childish, playful, "dumb-" it doesn't need to be serious all the time. So I'm learning to let go of what I think it should look like and recognize that sometimes the way to stay connected is to lay in bed and draw a sigil on my phone as a mini-spell to manifest a nice little treat or a thing I want in a video game.

This isn't deity work, but it had been huge for me: SIGILS. Sigils my beloved. I don't often have the time, energy, or supplies to do what most people think of when they talk about spells. So instead, if I'm feeling like I could do a spell for something but that's just too much, sigils can be done on my phone or computer while just chilling. Also, if you're like me and a writer, I just write spells too. Literally the same way I write statements for sigils, but a bunch of 'em.

Personally I just talk to my deities. I would like to do this more, actually. You don't need to have a big reason for calling them in, just ask them to sit with you and talk about your day or infodump about a special interest. They're not going to deem it unimportant; you're important to them.

Turn anything into a devotional activity if you want. Any self-care. Not just the typical stuff; I mean food, meds, literally any sort of "maintenance" to keep your body and mind running! If you can't do those, play music you associate with them, or watch a show/play a game and invite them to just sit with you. Whatever you're already doing, you can just ask them to do it with you. If that's literally just laying in bed doing nothing but feeling crappy, I can assure you I've asked them to sit with me during those days too and they've been more than happy.

Literally most of my offerings are just random food. As we speak, I have a little tiny thing with a few sips of soda because I give Loki some when I drink some. If you don't have the time or energy to put it on the altar, literally just drink it with the intention that you're drinking it "for" them. When I did a reading and Kali visited for it, she asked for a graham cracker of all things. It doesn't have to be associated with them. Virtual offerings too! If you can, I've seen people just scroll through pinterest/google images and pick images to offer to their deities.

This might not be something you struggle with, but this is definitely something I would need someone to tell me so: ASK. PLEASE. ASK FOR THINGS. They're not going to riot if you ask for things!! Let them help!! Ask for things, unapologetically if you can muster it!!! I am using excessive exclamation marks for a reason, I swear. My deities are in a constant state of telling me to just ask for things.

Be gentle with yourself. Genuinely, I think one of the best ways to honor your deities doesn't even require them to be there at all; just try not to hate on yourself for being the way you are, because they wouldn't want you to.

Overall, my only advice is just... throw away what you "should" be doing and find out what you LIKE doing. What works for you? It's a hard question to answer, but it gets a lot easier when you start looking away from what "should" work. Your deities are working with you, they wouldn't be working with you if they didn't accept every single part of you. That includes slug mode.

As always, my DM's and asks are open if you have any more questions/just want to connect because being a neurodivergent witch sometimes just feels isolating at times! If you actually read this whole post thank you, I hope some of it helped!!

[soup-scope]

i dunno if i said this before but it beats repeating ig

one of my favorite things about redacted and his writing is that erik takes seemingly common boyfriend asmr tropes and completely flips them onto their head and assigns a certain DEPTH to his characters that makes them feel so genuinely real

a ‘tsundere alpha wolf boyfriend’ is introduced in the form of david. he completely fits the bill in his first few videos. but as time goes on and he and angel’s relationship develops and deepens he lets down those walls, gives reason to why he was the way he way and how he was still attempting to overcome his grief and mourning over the passing of his parents. one of my FAVORITE david videos is the one where angel is comforting him on the summer solstice because it also happened to fall onto father’s day. the idea that angel *KNEW* what he needed by having him miss a day at work, let him speak on his own terms about what’s upsetting him, and just holding him while he cried. early david and current david are two completely different people due to erik gripping onto a relatively generic trope and going FURTHER with it

or like with vincent in the form of ‘flirty vampire.’ i literally ADORE vincent character development. with him falling into a ‘flirty and empty’ persona in an attempt to get what he needs in order to literally survive. and as SOON as lovely was seriously injured by being involved into the empowered world, he IMMEDIATELY drops this persona and tries to gently guide lovely into this world without pressuring them or making them feel unsafe. vincent has definitely taken back some of his flirting that he originally had, but he WAITED until lovely and him were at that point again.

god and don’t get me started on gavin

a common trope i’ve seen when people write incubus or concubus in general, is that they typically carry a sense of shame for what they are/feed on. and of course gavin 1000% has a problem with people only viewing him as his capability to have sex, he isn’t ashamed of what he is or what he does. gavin sees sex as a way to make both parties feel *good.* in his confession audio he literally describes it as bringing a joy to others. i mean, the freelancer and gavin have sex for the first time in an attempt to distract freelancer because they were emotionally exhausted from everything with kody and vega. even if gavin didn’t know everything at the time, he wanted to give them just a moment to forget about everything that had them ridiculously stressed.

these are just some examples that i can think of on the top of my head. i adore erik’s writing with these characters which is something i didn’t know to be possible with the audio rp format. there’s a lot of nuance that can be lost when just hearing someone speak, but even if i have a hard time with tone or lil nuances like that, i can’t recall a time when i’m ever really been completely lost when listening to redacted content. just. great writing 👍👍

[shells-of-callista]

[Before Amber gets back to the spa....]

Callista can't fall asleep.

She can't get Elysia's words out of her mind, nor the reflection in the mirror. They both haunt her, every time she tries to rest in the quiet and every time she closes her eyes.

The girl with freckles and scratches over her face, and a large thick braid draped over her shoulders.... how could one with eyes so full of fear and anger still somehow look healthier and happier than who Callista is now? That doesn't feel fair.

She peeks out the window at the stars outside..... it's a beautiful night tonight.

.... I need to wash my hands.

Callista carefully unlocks the door and sneaks past Elysia to a washroom. She wishes she was better at sneaking around, but thankfully, Elysia is out cold at this point. Probably for the better.

Her vision grows blurry with tears as she watches her friend sleep. She wants nothing more than for her to be happy and healthy, and NOT try and handle all of this shit that Callista started in the first place.....

All my fault. This is all my fucking fault.

Callista starts washing her hands at the sink. In the dim lighting, her vision makes out blurry red splotches over her fingers and palms...... Callista scrubs harder.

It's not enough.

She tries hard to tell herself it is, and her hands are clean, but to no avail. The soapy suds still look red. Perhaps it's just her mind playing tricks on her, but she doesn't care.

Callista hears Elysia's voice through the sound of running water.

“I mean, you had to doom one of them. Your family or your friend.”

"you had to doom one of them."

"you had to."

"your family or your friend."

"family or friend."

"one of them."

"you had to."

".... there wasn't any other way."

The words stab at her throat. She never wants to say that again, never wants to admit to any kind of acceptance that this was unavoidable. It absolutely was. There were many paths she could have taken, and she chose the worst one imaginable.

Callista barely notices when the water in the sink starts to actually turn red, nor does she notice the raw stinging on her hands as the blisters rip away. It's not enough, not enough, not enough, not enough. Her mind grows hazier, dizzier, the voice and sounds are growing further.....

Callista's eyes shoot open as her body falls on the ground, the impact jolting her back to reality. She sits up, rubbing her shoulder and looking around.... did she just faint? She's not sure.

Regardless, the pain starts to set in. Callista winces, gripping her skirt to try and stop the bleeding. It always hurts more than she expects.... but in the end, at least it tears her away from continuing to hurt herself.

With a sigh, Callista reaches up and turns off the sink, leaving her in silence once again. It's a welcome absence of sound, until Elysia's voice returns to her mind. This time, her sentence ends with a gunshot, followed by a dreaded, deranged scream that sounds an awful lot like Callista. She covers her ears, trying to drown out the sound of her own mind with anything she can think of other than more screaming. What could possibly distract her from such horrific memories that just won't stop?

Callista suddenly hears something.

A melodic humming. Her humming.

A soft, gentle, familiar tune so soft she can barely keep it above a whisper..... but somehow so loud that Elysia's voice and the gunshot are barely audible over the sound of her own voice in her ears.

Callista stops covering her ears, letting the tune follow its own path. Somehow, she knows each and every note that comes next... but she can't place her finger on any lyrics. Regardless, she keeps humming, focusing on the tune until it's time to repeat.

A slow wave of relief and tranquility trickles down her system. She feels oddly calm..... almost concerningly so. But it's hard to care when this melody feels like a warm hug that's shielding all her regrets and hatred.

With a deep breath, Callista finds the strength to stand up. She grips the side of the sink, grimacing as she notices the blood from broken blisters over her knuckles and fingers.

She feels as if it should affect her more than it currently does. But she still can't hear the memories that haunt her mind, so she's content with this odd sense of tranquility.

A towel sits on a nearby rack beside the mirror, which Callista picks up, dampens, and wipes away the bloody fingerprints on the counter, still humming. The white marble shines, even in the dimness of the room... she interprets it as gratitude for cleaning up.

I need to bandage these.... sand would be agonizing to get in those wounds...

She makes her way out of the washroom, holding the rag to her hands as she enters the laundry room. Ambrosius keeps a first aid kit in the lower left cabinet... Callista's sure they won't mind.

Inside, she finds exactly what she's looking for: non-stick bandage wraps. She takes the roll out and carefully starts wrapping each finger. Pinky, then ring, then middle, and so on... she never stops humming.

A lyric finally makes it's way to Callista's tongue.

"Matou te sisiva i le malamalama o le masina, ma uulima..."

She pauses for a moment before repeating it in the same tune she unexpected sang.

"... Matou te sisiva i le malamalama o le masina, ma uulima."

The next lyric is nothing more than humming.

Callista shrugs and continues to bandage herself, humming while also softly singing the lyric where it fits. It's such a beautiful song... where did she learn it? Why does she feel like she's missing something with it?

Oh, well. It's still drowning out Elysia's words and what accompanies it. Callista's too tired to let this tranquility end through pausing and contemplating the melody.

After some time, she looks at her bandaged hands.... maybe it wasn't necessary to also do her wrists and forearms, but she feels better about not being able to possibly hurt those areas. In fact, she kind of likes how the wrappings look.

I'll return with a restock for Amber... he'll appreciate that, she thinks as she wipes any remaining blood up and throws the dirty towel in the laundry machine. It feels nice to be able to think rationally and calmly for once and not be in a panic over her past.

Just keep humming and singing. The memories can't hurt me if I can't hear them.

Callista starts the washing machine, praying Elysia doesn't wake up.... thankfully, it's quiet enough to ease her fears.

A small green light catches her attention instead- the dryer. Looks like it's done.... maybe putting the towels away can be one more favor she does for Amber. He deserves it, after everything he's done for both Calli and Elysia. This is the least she can do.

Callista sits on her knees and opens the dryer, taking the first towel out.... it's so warm against her skin that she can't help but close her eyes and hold it close, softly humming into the fabric.

"... Ua talie atua ma faasusuina i matou i le mafanafana...."

A second lyric. She puts the two together.

"Matou te sisiva i le malamalama o le masina, ma uulima... Ua talie atua ma faasusuina i matou i le mafanafana."

Yeah. That sounds right.

Callista folds the towel as the heat dissipates, setting it aside before grabbing a new one. She always forgets how nice these feel against her skin, how nice any warmth feels against her skin.... it feels like a hug.

..... she could use a hug.... that sounds nice. Maybe falling asleep against Amber's tail....

She pushes the thought to the back of her mind. It's nice, but she's scared physical touch could rouse her fear once again. She only just started feeling peaceful, with the song she's slowly remembering.

The towels make do, as she soaks in the warmth of each before folding them neatly until the dryer is empty. Callista sets them all on top of the machine... she would put them away if she had the energy or courage to go around to each room.

... one more thing, she thinks to herself as she walks to the front desk. Sifting through the drawers, she finds a pen and 2 pieces of paper.

The first one she addresses to Amber.

"Hi Amber. I'm okay. But I can't stay, and I won't be returning for a while. I need time. If you need me, I will be at the beach. I know that is very vague, but you'll find me if you need me. Thank you so much for everything. You've been such a kind friend and I care for you very deeply. I love you, please take care of yourself. From, Callista."

She sets the note on the desk and places a scallop shell with pinkish-orange stripes and brown dots at the base over top of it.

The next note is for Elysia.... she stops humming only for a moment to focus. The memories shine through, but she tries to cut them out long enough to write.

"Hi Eva. I'm not going to be here when you get up. Please tell Mercury and everyone else everything. Tell him I'm sorry and I didn't want any of this to happen. None of this was supposed to happen and I wish I took a different path. Thank you for trying to find me, I'm sorry I'm running away again. I'd prefer if you didn't search for me, but if you must then you may. I won't be at the spa for some time. Please be kind to Amber, he's treated me with nothing but kindness and I love him like a brother. I have no doubt you'll be able to be kind to him though, you never had an issue being polite. I love you all dearly. I need to figure things out though. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. I love you all. Tell Mercury I'm sorry. Tell everyone I'm sorry that all of this happened. From, Callista."

Her hand is shaking as she makes the final period, and Callista notices tears landing dangerously close to the paper. She quickly wipes them away and starts humming again.... well, more like singing now.

"Matou te sisiva i le malamalama o le masina, ma uulima... Ua talie atua ma faasusuina i matou i le mafanafana.

O loo fiafia uma o tatou aiga ma uo o loo siomia ai i tatou i le malamalama o le masina."

Callista pauses before continuing her walk down the hall. Third lyric. She's not sure how she feels about it, knowing what it means.

She whispers the song under her breath as she enters Elysia's room.... the girl is so frail and in such poor health. She wonders if it's possible to change that in this digital world.

The note goes on the table next to the bed.... along with a tiny white conch shell with a pink interior. Elysia will like that.

Callista stands there for a few silent moments, mouthing the lyrics, before turning on her heel and walking out of the room... and out of the spa.

The beach isn't a far walk from the spa. What is a far walk is her 'shack', if it's even able to be considered that anymore. But that doesn't bother Callista, as she walks along the shoreline and sings. Every so often, she reverts back to humming. The tune remains gentle and comforting... like a lullaby of some sort.

She reaches down and picks up a few shells on the way.... they're almost unending, and Calli makes a game of trying to balance them on her head and waist rings, which is easier than she anticipated.

She feels better. Maybe only temporarily, but better is better. Maybe there's something wrong with her. Maybe she's starting to lose her mind. But she's content right now.... who is she to take that away from herself?

The wrecked excuse for a shack comes into view and Callista walks towards it.... something is still missing with her song. She feels as if she's not doing something she should.

Her hand suddenly raises up, as if the muscles acted on their own. Calli pauses, looking up at the hand that's reaching up at the moon ahead of her. That's new.... but oddly enough, it feels right.

Callista continues to look up at the moon as simple steps become something a little more elegant.... she points her toes, and focuses on walking in step with each lyric. The sand seems to beckon her to continue.

She spins a bit, searching for the right feeling as she nears the shack.... this is some kind of dance she knows, what comes next though...? She sways her hips a little, letting her voice grow loose and a little less reserved. It feels... liberating.

Callista stops walking, dragging her feet in arches and steps in place as she closes her eyes and tries to engulf herself in nature. The rustle of trees and grass behind her... the warm, fine sand beneath her... the salty ocean crashing ahead.... and the gentle, swirling breeze all around her...

Callista envisions rain and sun, day and night, nature in all of its beauty. She imagines the back and forth of leaves in the breeze, sand holding the memory of even the smallest disturbance, the unique patterns of the waves.... and forms a dance. A dance that feels right, to the lullaby Callista finds herself singing on loop.

Everything, for once, feels right. She can barely hear the memories, or see the face of the killer. Her mind and soul has been taken by nature.

Despite this, tears pour down Callista's face. If emotions had colors, each tear would be more multicolored than a rainbow. All the emotions overwhelm her heart.

She's so angry at why she was forced to make such a choice.

She's so sad for the death of her friend.

She's so guilty for how her actions led to everyone being trapped here.

She's so confused as to what really happened.

She's so homesick and desperate for some kind of familial sense.

She's so happy to, for once, feel like things are right.

She's so scared for what will happen once everyone else learns about what she did.

She's so tired of....

..... she's just so tired. So, so, so tired.

I'm done. To the pits of hell with this all. I can't take this anymore. I just want to go home. I just want to go to hell for what I did. I just want everyone to be happy and content. What God decided that's too much to ask for?

Drops of mixed emotion and exhaustion lands on the sand as Callista's body starts to ache and her voice starts to grow raw..... but she can't stop yet. She needs... the final lyric... to the song... she's almost...

It suddenly hits her.

"O le a ou puipuia oe, laʻu uo, seʻia pa'ū le lagi."

Callista feels herself slow to a halt, smile fading fully.

"Matou te sisiva i le malamalama o le masina, ma uulima... Ua talie atua ma faasusuina i matou i le mafanafana. O loo fiafia uma o tatou aiga ma uo o loo siomia ai i tatou i le malamalama o le masina... O le a ou puipuia oe, laʻu uo, seʻia pa'ū le lagi."

She repeats it, trying to still sing. The meaning of the lyrics starts to weigh on her.

The memories start to return. Guilt, grief, and anger wash out any other emotion.....

And just like that, Callista's back at square one. She falls to her knees, quietly sobbing and repeating the last lyric. Over and over.

She didn't protect him. She did the opposite. She won't ever be able to look beyond that fact.

The night sounds grow into nothing more than the waves crashing against the shore and a girl crying in her sleep.

[n4rval]

I LOVE YOUR PFP thank you that is all <3

HI FREAK thank you! here's the entire thing for future reference on this post.

it is a rather small picture, so i figured i'd hold off on posting it until i managed to compile a couple more self insert illustrations to go along with it. oh well

[unopenablebox]

having a rollicking good time browsing the blogspot-hosted weaving blogs of various middle-aged and elderly women

[the-nothing-maker]

Reminder that some of my original illustrations are for sale !

If you like my art and were wondering if you'd ever be able to get a piece on your walls, you're in luck ! Some of my original pieces are for sale over here in this folder : https://tinyurl.com/mrymprxa

These pieces are all made with coloured pencil on thick and glossy A4 or A5 paper (most of them with metallic touches here and there), safely packaged, and are going for a third (sometimes even fourth !) of the price you'd pay for a commissioned piece !

I'm currently going through a difficult time as I work through commissions and your support would mean a lot. Don't hesitate to contact me if anything catches your eye !

[keekity]

an accident-prone altmer dragonborn (who’s never conjured a spell in her life) gets told she’s the chosen one and sets off on a journey where she meets 3 outcasts--a banished orsimer prince who’s obsessed with himself; the kleptomaniac daughter of a bosmer & a succubus; a dunmer born with 0 fire resistance pretending he isn’t deathly afraid of butterflies--and probably ends up in a polycule.

outfits by @plazasims

[enhanced-operatives-division]

I really hope noone has made this joke already

Transcript below the cut

A comic titled "The First and Only Time Prism met Solaris at Zoraxis.

The small arrow pointing at Prism in the first panel reads 'Thinking out loud', while she says "I can't figure out what's missing from my robots".

The next panel is Solaris, with a small arrow pointing to her, which states 'Literally leaving Zoraxis' as she says "LAZERS."

The final panel is a close up of Prism who is saying "Lazers..!"

Since you tapped readmore, have some bonus yuri. For the soul.