#the last of us confession

[tlouconfidential]

porn addiction is real and it is concerning. and i've seen it in this fandom. i suffered from it when i was younger and it has impacted my relationship with sex permanently. spending hours everyday reading explicit fanfiction, featuring violent sex without any trace of personality, humanity, plot etc can't be good for anyone's brain. And everytime people need more and more explicit content, and so, the creators make more and more explicit content.

yes, lesbians can have sex. yes, we can enjoy a smutty fanfic once in a while. it's nice, and sometimes we are horny. But that is different from a porn/erotica addiction.

It's not normal for a fandom to be flodded with hardcore erotica and with barely any interest in the characters, the plot of the games, or the aspect of community. I geniunely feel like leaving and never coming back.

.

[cthulhum]

does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Dungeon Meshi crew 'leap' into action!

[pedroshotwifey]

Do you think you could write a nervous Joel fic... like he's older and a single dad and hasn't dated in a REALLY REALLY long time...but he's still really sweet, maybe he has to stop and eat reader cos he's about to cum too soon or something 🤷‍♀️😭

Hey, babe!! So I hope this is what you were hoping for! It's super tender and I did end up listening to Hozier for a good portion of it, so do with that information what you will 😅

Also, I kind of did something a bit different and wrote it more from Joel's perspective, but it's still in 2nd person (pronouns = you)! Pls lmk how you feel about it ❤

Pairing: Older Joel Miller x afab!reader

Tags/warnings: Age gap (not specified), piv sex, oral sex (f), vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, established relationship, (almost) premature ejaculation, accidental love confessions 🤭, self deprecating Joel™, big dick Joel™, kissing, stuff I'm probably forgetting

W/C: 1.9k

Summary: Your and Joel's first time together turns into so much more.

What Matters

“Are you sure, baby?” 

Joel watches as your eyes flick up to him, only kindness and patience in them. Even as you smile warmly and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him to you, he still has a sense of cautiousness in his movements. You’ve probably lost track of how many times he’s asked you if you’re sure. 

“Yes, Joel, I’m sure,” you laugh breathily. 

You’re both lying in his bed, completely bare. There’s a soft summer breeze coming in through the window and rustling the sheer curtains. The sun’s going down, but just barely, causing a perfect golden hue to coat the room. He can’t help but think that you look even more gorgeous than usual in this lighting.

Joel tries to ignore the nervousness in his stomach as he softly kisses your jaw and nuzzles up to you. He’s not stupid, he knows that you know he’s just trying to waste time, but you let him. You’re so fucking sweet like that. Always making him feel so wanted and appreciated. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with you in this way, but that he’s worried he won’t be perfect for you. He wants to be able to show you affection in the same way that you show him. 

But what if he can’t?

You’re younger, after all, and he’s not been with a woman in so long. Maybe not since Sarah’s mom. If that’s the case, it’s been about fifteen, sixteen years. Point in case, you’re probably used to boys who can last longer and can make you come every time. What if he can’t? What if it’s been so long now, that he only lasts a couple of minutes? 

It terrifies him, the prospect that you may be disappointed in his performance. What if you decide to leave him because he’s not enough to get you off? No, he realizes, you would never do that. You’re so good, so thoughtful and generous and patient. You’d wait for him, help him get back to the point where he used to be. 

But that’s not what he wants. He wants to be good for you now. 

“Joel?” 

His name falling from your lips has his head raising back up. You look into his eyes with a desperation that he simply can’t ignore. 

“Please,” you whisper before planting a feather-light kiss to his lips. He nods slowly before he can think about it. 

“Alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” 

And he does, he knows it. He just hopes he can do it right. 

You’re already prepped. He spent probably half an hour fingering you to orgasm even though you had begged for the real thing each time you fell apart on his hand. It’s another thing he was worried about—being so big. Joel’s not a super cocky man by any means, but he is aware of his…attributes. 

He watches you carefully as he grasps his cock and guides it to your slippery entrance. Your eyes flutter shut as he pushes in, giving you about an inch each time he thrusts. His jaw goes slack once he’s about halfway in. You’re so fucking warm and wet and inviting. He keeps going, trying to keep his breathy whines at bay. He’s again reminded of just how long it’s been since he’s felt something other than the palm of his hand around himself. 

“Shit, baby,” he breathes as he bottoms out. He closes his eyes in concentration and lets his head hang next to yours. He already feels like he might blow his load at any second. You bring a hand up to cup his head and thread his curls through your fingers, holding him close. His breathing is heavy when he lifts himself back up to look into your eyes. 

His heart seems to skip a beat when he sees the adoration you’re looking at him with. It kills him every time. And no matter how many times you tell him that he deserves all your affection, he knows he’ll still find a lingering doubt in the back of his mind. There’s a reason the two of you have only been “together” for about four months even though you’ve been shamelessly flirting for about a year. 

It was just too good to be true. For such a sweet, gentle thing like you to want a rough old man like him. He was never the one to initiate anything, but he knows you’ve been aware that he had his sore eyes set on you since you met. How could he not? He’s never met anyone so kind and considerate. It was impossible to deny you of him any longer when it was one of the only things you’ve ever wanted for yourself. 

“You okay?” Your honeyed voice reaches his ears—or his good ear, rather—and he smiles at you. 

“‘Course, baby. Jus’ gotta give me a second, alright?” He can feel his cheeks getting a bit rosy at the confession. “It’s been a minute.” 

You nod, still no hesitation or any sign of regret. God, what did he do to deserve you? 

Once he collects himself, he pulls out just barely, and a groan tumbles from his mouth to mingle with your soft moan. He’s already starting to sweat from the effort of not coming too soon as he starts to push into you at a slow but rhythmic pace. You wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and tuck your head into his chest as you whimper with his thrusts. 

“You feel so good,” you whine. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, so d’ you. “Like goddamn heaven.” And you do; overwhelmingly so.

He cradles your head and lowers the two of you even more to deepen his thrusts. He knows he’s found your spot when your breath catches and you start to tighten around him every time he pumps his hips. Unfortunately, this makes it a lot harder for him to keep his composure. 

“H-honey, I have to pull out,” he grits out. He’s so embarrassed, it hasn’t even been five minutes. He won’t last long enough for you to come before him.

But you just nod into him, even though you must be devastated by the loss of your orgasm. “It’s okay, Joel,” you breathily assure him. 

He pulls out and squeezes the base of his cock, out of breath. He doesn’t meet your gaze as he starts to apologize.

“I’m sorry, baby, I—” 

“Joel,” You stop him by carefully grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at you. “It’s okay.” You nod, waiting for him to do the same before you continue. “Take as much time as you need. I love you no matter what. This does not determine—” 

You both realize what you said at the same time. Joel’s eyes widen and his chest feels like it caved into itself. Your lips stay still, parted in the middle of your sentence. Joel doesn’t realize tears have gathered in his eyes until his vision starts to blur and a smile spreads across his face. 

You love him. You said it. And he believes you. 

“I love you too, baby,” he whispers and lets his forehead rest against yours. “So damn much.” Fuck his age and whoever might see a problem with you being together. He wants this, and you want this, and that’s all that matters. 

Then you’re both laughing shakily, pressing kisses to each other’s lips. He only stops to start trailing them down your body instead, watching you writhe as his mustache tickles your bare skin. 

“Joel, p-please,” you beg quietly. Joel just huffs a small laugh through his nose as he lays himself between your legs, ignoring his protesting knees as he admires the entirety of you laying out just for him. You look fucking beautiful covered in a thin sheen of sweat atop his sheets, needy and panting all for him. 

He doesn’t waste too much time before putting his mouth on your sweet pussy, his tongue dragging up your slit to flick at your clit. Joel moans at your taste, sending vibrations racing toward your swollen bud. Your hips buck as your hands fly to grasp at his hair, tugging lightly and making his eyes roll back. 

He feasts on you like his life depends on it, worshiping you with all he has. He takes turns in running his tongue up you, fucking you with it the best he can, and suckling on your clit. He looks like a damn mess as he does so, his eyes not leaving your cunt unless he’s watching your face contort with pleasure. When you make eye contact with him, he knows he must look fucked out and desperate just based on the way you groan and lay your head back. 

It doesn’t take much for you to get to the edge, and it takes even less for him to push you over. You let out sharp, whiny sounds as he sucks on your clit and slips a couple of fingers inside of you to grip on to. Your entire body goes tense, and Joel has to resist the urge to smirk against you as you shake with the force of your orgasm. 

By the time you’re coming down, he’s back over you and slipping his tongue inside your mouth to share your taste. You moan into the kiss and pull him closer as he once again glides his tip into your cunt. Just as he had hoped, the distraction calmed him down enough to hopefully give him some more time. 

You both melt into each other as he bottoms out, the tip of his swollen cock hitting your cervix and making your thighs squeeze his torso. He starts at a faster pace than last time, too deep in his lust-filled haze to even try to slow down now. 

You pull away from his mouth to start leaving love bites on his neck, making his cock twitch inside of you with each pinch. He can feel you smile against his skin, and knows that you’ve found his secret. He does like a little pain with his pleasure. You keep going, sucking and biting marks before licking soothingly over them and moving to the next spot. You taste him like you’re addicted, like you could never possibly get enough.

It still doesn’t take him as long as he would like to before he starts to feel his balls drawing up and his thighs start to shake. His head goes foggy as he tries to hold on for you, but it’s too fucking much. He can’t hold it off when you feel so good around him. It’s like torture to stave off his orgasm when he’s thrusting into your soft heat. 

“Where d’ you want me, honey?” Joel asks you, his voice strained. 

“Inside,” you whisper against his neck without a second thought.

And it throws him over. He groans your name as his body stutters and his balls empty, coating your walls with his milky spend. It seems to go on forever. Each time he thinks he’s almost done, there’s another spurt and another wave of pleasure that tugs him deeper into euphoria. 

When it does end, he lets himself half-collapse on top of you. You embrace him with welcoming arms and the two of you catch your breath together in the now dark bedroom. He only pulls out once sleep threatens to take the both of you. A shower, snack, and a glass of water later, you both snuggle up together and fall asleep with content smiles and full hearts. 

*****

Want to read more requests or submit your own? Try this link!

[sixth-light]

I have had these thoughts bubbling away in my head for like...eighteen months or so now (it will become very obvious why shortly) but the discussion in this post has pushed me to write them down: I think societally we HUGELY underestimate how motherhood for primary caregivers, particularly first-time motherhood, can be a source of vulnerability to radicalisation.

There is obviously huge cultural variance here, but for a lot of cis women becoming primary caregiver to an infant in a capitalist Western society represents a time of immense vulnerability because in general you are:

Incredibly sleep-deprived (which has well-documented knock-on effects for your judgement, mental health, etc)

If you gave birth, recovering from a significant challenge to your physical health (even in the best-case scenario)

Isolated from your previous networks and communities of people in full-time work

Completely separated from the context of your prior career goals and achievements

Under huge amounts of stress to learn how to care for an infant (don't get me started on breastfeeding)

And on top of this, you are also be experiencing a huge amount of messaging about how all this is natural, wonderful, something you're meant to do, something you should love doing, and something that you must do for the welfare of their child. It's a huge amount of pressure and life change even when everything goes right and there's very little cultural space to express negative feelings about it.

Any group of people who offer community, support, and affirmation to cis women in this situation are going to have a really good shot at radicalising them into some very weird and dangerous headspaces and in fact we see this happen all the time - think antivaxxers and TERFs. It flies under the radar because of the hazy positive glow that associates with motherhood and babies and also because we don't take the radicalisation of women seriously I guess because they rarely shoot anybody, but...yeah. It is such a vulnerable time!

[bonercoaster]

Tell Me What You're Feeling

“Are you… feeling it too?” You say, almost whispering. 

He stops in the middle of the room with his back to you. God, you can see the musculature of his back so well now that he took off that flannel. His fists are clenched and arms strained. Your body is on fire. You see his breathing pick up as he hears you approach him, gently placing your hand on his right shoulder. Joel whips around with a wild look in his eyes, his hand flying to the base of your neck to swiftly push you against a nearby wall, pinning you with his body–one hand at your throat and the other caging you in on your right side.

WARNINGS: filthy smut, a little fluff at the end, choking, sex spore/sex pollen fic, creampie, dominant Joel, fingering, pet names, p in v sex, begging, joel yells at reader but dw it's hot, the sex shrooms compel them to screw each other but they've both wanted this for a while, I know this is a javier pena gif but it was so hot i had to use it :3

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

While on a supplies run with your partner for the day, Joel, it seems he’s been having a pretty grumpy day. Grumpier than usual at least. Something about a deal gone south earlier in the day, you guess. He walks swiftly through the trees, just slow enough that you’re having some trouble keeping up, and fast enough that you’re panting a little. 

“Joel for fucks sake, I have little legs can we PLEASE slow down? What’s the rush?” You pant, your lungs and legs begging for respite. 

Joel gives you a mean look, raising an eyebrow until he sees just how winded you are. You had to start jogging just to keep up with his brisk walking speed. He looks down, “M’sorry, didn’ realize, let’s take a breather.” 

You go sit down on what looks like a fallen tree. 

“You okay man? Can’t help but think you’re upset on account of the steam coming out of your ears” 

Joel fights a smile at that, you know what to say when he’s having a rough time. 

“M’fine it’s nothing.” His knees crack a little as he sits on the floor next to you, leaning on the stump as support for his back. 

You roll your eyes at him… typical. But at least he isn’t giving you shit. 

You shift your weight a little, beginning to look down  at Joel while you start to crack another stupid joke, but suddenly, your seat gives out from under you. The tree you’re sitting on seems to be rotted, and it just collapses, sending you falling butt-first about two feet into the newly created hole. You let out a surprised yelp and a plume of… are those spores?… rise up out of the tree. 

“Shit.” Joel, also surrounded by the spores, grabs your hands and helps you out of the hole, dragging your dazed self away from the area. 

“Are you okay? Doesn’ look like the cordyceps kind… need a minute?” 

You’re dazed, a little shocked but you’re physically okay.  “Thanks for pulling me out, I'm fine.” 

“Better get goin’ then, there’s shelter close by” 

You two traverse through the forest, you’re still a little dazed, and you wonder if you hit your head against the bark but you don’t feel a bump or any pain. A couple of minutes later it gets a little too warm, you shrug off your sweater, leaving you in just a tank top and some shorts, but that doesn’t stop the sweating. 

Joel just keeps walking, using the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off his brow. At some point you notice his eyes on you, but it’s awkward and you don’t feel very equipped to talk about anything right now so you swiftly look down and keep walking. Eventually, Joel tears his eyes away from you and just takes the lead, walking in front of you and wiping sweat from his own brow. His breath seems a little more labored than usual but you know better than to bring it up to the sometimes- sensitive- about- his- age, old man. You just keep walking until you realize something’s very wrong. 

The fever that’s come over you makes your whole body tingle. Your breasts ache, they feel swollen. Your skin is crawling and you’ve broken out in a cold sweat, and there’s this familiar ache deep inside of you that just won’t go away. It’s getting worse. Thankfully the house is within sight and you’re getting closer. Looking ahead of you, you notice Joel removing his flannel, revealing that he was wearing a white ribbed tank underneath. You notice the sweat glisten down his muscular shoulders and his flushed neck; your breath hitches at the sight of his arms. 

He stops for a moment at the sound, before he keeps walking, turning the knob to enter the house. Slowly. 

“Are you… feeling it too?” You say, almost whispering. 

He stops in the middle of the room with his back to you. God, you can see the musculature of his back so well now that he took off that flannel. His fists are clenched and arms strained. Your body is on fire. You see his breathing pick up as he hears you approach him, gently placing your hand on his right shoulder. Joel whips around with a wild look in his eyes, his hand flying to the base of your neck to swiftly push you against a nearby wall, pinning you with his body–one hand at your throat and the other caging you in on your right side. Joel’s crotch presses against you, making you gasp as you feel him hard against you.

Towering over you, Joel bends down nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck right underneath your jaw, inhaling deeply. The stubble of his beard lightly scratches against your skin causing you to break out in goosebumps and coaxing a whimper from your lips. Both of you are panting. Sweating, hearts racing. His face drags it’s way up your neck, toward your cheek, until his lips hover over yours. It’s intoxicating, his breath, the feeling of him rubbing himself all over you, his body pressed against yours, the way he smells, the way he is looking at you like you’re a meal to be devoured. It makes you dizzy, it makes you feel weak in more ways than one. The temptation to collapse into him and just let him have his way with you, beg him for more contact, to press your lips against his, to release all of the lewd noises you’ve been trying so hard to hold inside of you. 

“You first babygirl, talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling.'' Joel breathes, almost allowing his lips to touch yours. The hand at the base of your neck moving down your chest to begin kneading at your breast, an involuntary whine making its way out of your throat. 

“J-Joel.” Is all you could muster while he kneads your tender and sensitive breast. You’ve never felt so much all at once before, it’s overwhelming. 

Joel moves his lips back down toward your jaw, growling into your ear “What is it baby? Usually I can’t get ya to shut up. C’mon sweetness, d’ya think you could use your words f’me? Tell. Me. What. You’re. Feeling.” Joel growls out the demand, sending shockwaves down your stomach into your currently most neediest area. 

A long whine escapes you when Joel’s lips make contact with the skin under your jaw, sucking on the tender skin there, feeling his teeth and tongue run over the area. Joel keeps slowly kissing and sucking on your tender flesh while you, winded and overstimulated,  try to gather the necessary vocabulary to answer his question. 

“Joel I.. Please Joel. P-lease ahhh, ahh  please.” 

“Please what?  ‘m gonna need more than that from you, doll.” He says grinding his hard cock against you, making you gasp. “Mmm,” Joel sighs, a rumbling sound that comes from deep in his chest, “You make the most delicious sounds babygirl.” 

“Can’t handle… I need… Joel please!  I … need… please…need you.” You manage to gasp out, breathless and shaking. Your whole body is on fire, pussy throbbing, breasts even more swollen and needy, legs shaking, every hair on your body standing up on end. You just know you want him to touch you, hold you, kiss you. You want his tongue in your mouth and his cock in your cunt but you can’t verbalize it, so needy and head so cloudy. You’ve wanted this for a long time, but you could never find the courage to initiate anything. “P-lease Joel… please baby.” 

At that point Joel’s lips crash into yours with such an insatiable voracity, it knocks the wind right out of you. He kisses you like he’s a man dying of thirst and you’re the first drops of water he’s consumed in weeks. Joel’s tongue forces its way into your mouth and massages against yours while his hips grind against your own. Joel groans into your mouth, and it is the most erotic thing you’ve ever experienced in your life. Your hands find their way up toward his curls while his own hands tug off your clothes, not breaking away from the kiss for more than one second. You’re both in your own little world together, all that exists right now is each other and the pleasure you both receive. You begin tugging at his undershirt  furiously, not caring if it rips, just needing to feel more of his bare skin. You hear him chuckle at your desperation, breaking away from you for just a couple of seconds so he could take off his tank, pressing his lips against yours again while he steps out of his pants and boxers. It’s… so big that it’s a little intimidating. Nevertheless, the fire inside of you rages hotter, needing more. Your skin tingling all over and your heart feeling like it is beating a million times per minute. 

Almost as if reading your mind, Joel’s fingers trail fire down your bare stomach before they dip into your wet heat, spreading your slick all over your clit, making you cry out. He inserts one of his large fingers inside of you causing you to clutch at his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin. “Joel please, I need you now, I need, I need you!” You gasp out. You’re unsure how he could handle all this teasing, all you know is that you want his cock inside of you right now and the longer he takes, the more torturous this all becomes. Joel gently pushes you to the floor. He inserts another finger inside of you, and then another. “Joel baby ahh please!” Your cunt throbs around his fingers, you’re so close to your climax, and even though this is the most intense amount of pleasure you’ve ever felt, you can’t seem to get to that much needed sweet release, you think it might actually drive you insane. 

“Need t’make sure you’re prepared, baby” Joel pants. He doesn’t seem like he’s doing much better than you are, and it’s a delicious sight. His eyes wide and wild, skin flushed and sweaty. His muscles are tense, like he’s doing everything he can to hold himself back from straight up ravishing you. 

You grab him by the jaw and bark “NOW!” Desperate for him to stop holding back and just start 

His eyes darken and you see a hint of a smile show up on his face, but it’s different. If you weren’t so horny you might have otherwise found this expression frightening. He swiftly snatches his hand out of you and toward his member, you can’t help the groan that escapes from your lips. He positions himself right at your entrance before thrusting himself fully inside of you, the sensation so intense you can’t help but let out a loud moan that was probably closer to a scream. You both sit there panting for a couple of seconds, you look up at him and he’s squeezing his eyes, trying and failing to hold back groans and growls between his breaths. You realize he’s trying to give you time to adjust, and he’s really struggling. You grind your hips toward his, silently telling him it’s okay, keep moving which results in Joel letting out a sharp hiss before he starts moving.

It’s not long at all before he’s pounding into you with everything he’s got. His hands all over you, caressing your face, teasing your breasts, desperately grabbing at your thighs. With sweat dripping down his whole body and mingling with yours, his eyes are crazed, looking you over while you fall apart around him. Your eyes flutter shut as you get close… close…so close when one of his hands fly to your throat. While continuing to thrust at a punishing pace, he brings his face close enough to kiss you and between pants he growls out:

 “LOOK.   AT.   ME.” 

You immediately open your eyes and your orgasm hits you in waves, stronger and stronger, flooding and overwhelming your senses. You see he’s close too, his hips stutter and the rhythm you two had is now lost, Joel is pounding into you with everything he’s got until you feel him release inside of you. You two collapse into each other, exhausted, 

You cuddle yourself into him, nuzzling your face into his chest. After a few minutes, Joel clears his throat and speaks up and you’ve never heard him sound so nervous: “I’ve been wantin to do that for a very long time now…but if…” He trails off, takes a deep breath and continues: “If you don’t wanna mention this… I mean if you wanna forget all this happened I would respect that.” 

You shift your weight to sit up just a little and bring your hand to his cheek. Joel closes his eyes, he can't help but lean into your hand. You speak up: “I’ve been wanting this for a while too, Joel.” 

Joel leans over toward you, and presses his lips against yours. “Alright then.”

[earlgodwin]

"Grief? Then why do you force this false joy upon us? We are dancing on your brother's grave."

[captainodonoghue]

BONUS Polin Week 2024 Day 4 ↝ favourite show quote

[spicyet]

fem!Shuro from that one panel

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

[tinesleftnipple]

Role reversal/balance of power between Wei Qian and Wei Zhiyuan as seen through camera language/shot composition

EP 1-6 Wei Qian is seen at a higher position of "power" than Yuan; EP7 and on that is reversed

EP 1: Wei qian is placed much higher than yuan in the scene. This shot of wei qian is almost god-like. There is light coming from his direction. In yuan's eyes he is the pillar, his savior, lending a hand down to pull him out of darkness.

How many times throughout EP 3-6 can they show us the worshipping at your feet, I am at your beck and call position? Wei qian very much sits in the role of an older brother/guardian, and yuan is often placed to be looking up at him. They are not yet on the same level.

------

Wei Zhiyuan returns and he's in control

After EP 7, we get more top-down shots of Wei qian, making him look more vulnerable. He's often looking up at yuan.

And Yuan towers over him.

------

Their position on the slope during the EP10 confession scene is telling

Yuan is at the taller end of the hill. He is in control of this conversation. He asks the questions while Wei qian fumbles to explain.

Wei qian is standing on the lower end of the slope so he has to look even further up at yuan. He's in a vulnerable position as he finally confesses his feelings.

But in the end, their positions reverse:

In this moment, Wei qian holds the power to make a choice. And he finally takes that step forward and grabs onto yuan.

[tlouconfidential]

the only reason people have a issue with bella as ellie is because they’re not personally attracted to them and can’t sexualize the fuck out of them like they do with game ellie. if they say it’s because they look too young they’re lying. yall are just used to 30 year olds playing high school students.

.

[rwby-confess]

Confession #130

[dawnofiight]

Unfortunately I feel like David would have no pfp + weirdo name combo on Tumblr 😭

[akirathedramaqueen]

The Five Stages Of Grief: Verosika vs. Stolas

Alright, guys, it's time to play the complete denial card and ignore for a moment what we've just seen in the last short Viv dropped like a fucking nuke on our heads (seriously, this woman makes me swear more than a sailor).

Are we going to talk about something light? Ha-ha, you are looking at the angstiest person out here. Sorry. No relief for you.

But maybe some bits of analysis will do? Let's go.

The setup

Some time ago, I discussed how differently Stolas and Verosika react to their breakup with Blitz in response to one of my previous posts (it might be useful to read that to have the whole picture, but it's not crucial—here).

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:05

If we recap that reblog, I find that Stolas deals with his emotions much better and processes them in a more mature manner than Verosika does.

We could stop there, really, but I wanted to explore the situation from a different angle. Using the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief model, we can pull out more nuance from their actions and words.

They both went through a similar traumatic event—Blitzø hurt them in arguably one of the worst ways possible. The circumstances, Blitzø's intentions, and the outcomes are slightly different, but at their core, they are both left broken and deeply wounded.

Left: S2EP8, The Full Moon, 22:00 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:03

So, what about their personalities makes their responses to trauma so contrasting?

Disclaimer about the model's credibility

This is probably me being overly pedantic, but I want to point out that this model is deemed to be popularized by the media, and professionals’ opinions are conflicted—some say it is accurate while others criticize it for its lack of flexibility or go as far as to say it has no application in real life. The studies are also inconclusive—there are papers both in favor of and against this model.

What am I trying to say here? This is a silly analysis about silly demons from a silly show, and if you do happen to unfortunately experience grief in any way (I am so sorry you have to go through this!), it is essentially experienced by all people differently. You should not feel bad if you skip stages or if their order is messed up.

Okay? <3 Okay. You’ve got this in your own way.

Tomorrow will be better than today.

Stolas: A Classic Way

One of the things I noted in my previous post is that Stolas immediately recognizes the pettiness of the party, and I praised his remarkable ability to see through the issues with such events.

The one day a year the spirits can rise amongst the living and it's spent celebrating mutual pettiness. S2EP9, Apology Tour, 6:55

And don’t get me wrong—his own way of dealing with problems is just drinking them away, and that’s not healthy. That’s why he actually belongs at this party.

But emotionally, Stolas is much more aware of what’s going on with him and the people around him. I think that despite his drinking problem, this awareness helps him process his own grief faster and find resolution—or at least an outlet—in just one night.

Let’s apply the five stages of grief model to him and see what’s going on.

Denial

You can see the denial seeping through during their morning conversation—there are moments when he clearly hopes Blitzø will suddenly listen to him and change his demeanor, despite Blitzø being consistent in his brashness and hostility.

Left: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 3:56 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 4:23

Can you see the hope in his eyes? Can you see how ready he would be to brush off the whole shitshow happened between them just for Blitzø to take at least a bit of accountability or accept his feelings?

Additionally, although it doesn’t fit the term perfectly, we could stretch the concept a bit and say that the following lyrics below are somewhat denialish. Notice, by the way, that it’s not linear to the suggested model—you’ll see why later.

But I, I keep on waiting Waiting to want you less than I do And I do, oh, I do, yes I still do want you S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:08

'Cause I am not a thief, but you were mine to earn S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:42

He struggles to accept that the relationship has ended (we struggle too, baby owl, and we're not accepting it… but it gets worse before it gets better), and he still waits for Blitzø to return, maintaining a possessive feeling—“you were mine to earn.”

Anger

Stolas's anger is vastly different from Verosika's—I promise to elaborate on it later.

He uses his anger throughout the morning confrontation with Blitzø to protect himself from Blitzø's attacks and futile attempts to retain the status quo. His anger serves to assert that he is done with the transactional arrangement and Blitzø's behavior.

As shocking as this might seem, Blitzø, I don't think I'm in the mood to "do sex" with you. In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you! So, how about you respect that? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 0:57

[Stolas]: Get out. Right now! [Blitzø]: What?! [Stolas]: I'm tired of this! I'm uncomfortable how you're speaking to me now! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 2:24

And all of this happens just the night after that disastrous full moon meeting! Stolas is pissed off, and rightfully so. But he still gives Blitzø the chance to correct his behavior, explain, and apologize. He asks Blitzø to leave him in peace but stays to hear him out until it becomes clear that Blitzø is not going to relent or give in.

His anger is not used to destroy those he is angry with; rather, it is directed toward keeping himself whole—at least as much as possible.

Bargaining

The whole verse of All 2 U, where Stolas contemplates what went wrong and if there's something they could still do, represents him trying to bargain for a better future.

Maybe there's something here for us to glean? For you to teach and me to try and learn? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:32

Of course, this is also something very useful for when they come back together (not if!). Despite Blitzø being the focus in the Apology Tour episode, Stolas has a lot of work to do, too. And him realizing that is a positive step.

But for now, from the perspective we’re looking at, this is a clear sign of him trying to trade anything he can for their relationship to flourish.

Depression

Eventually, Stolas breaks down publicly. He can’t hold the mask on anymore; seeing Blitzø is unbearable, as it reminds him too much of everything that happened and everything that could’ve been.

You! Why are you here? I don't want you here, go home, please! Let me not feel so sad! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 15:50

And he manages to compose himself incredibly quickly…

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:07

It takes him just 17 seconds to fall into crying and calm himself. But there was more brewing beneath the surface—he just didn’t show it.

Calm yourself, young prince. You know excitement is unbecoming of a Goetia. S2EP1, The Circus, 00:20

Acceptance...?

Then there's the guy who received more hate than he (allegedly) deserved—Better Than Blitzo guy. He asks Stolas for a dance, and Stolas accepts. He seems to quite enjoy himself there, actually… maybe even a tad too much (arguably).

Well, I just wanted to see if... Maybe... I dunno... You'd wanna... Dance? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:16

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:08

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 20:08

Did he move on? Did he get over Blitzø? We don’t know. I don’t think so. But that dance was certainly an outlet. A relief he was ready to accept. He was ready not to dwell on negative emotions and allow himself to feel something good for a change.

Verosika: A scorched earth way

Now, let’s see how Verosika is doing after all these years post-breakup. Surely she can’t care less about Blitzø now, right?

Anger

Right… No petty feelings at all.

S1EP3, Spring Break, 8:13

There's still resentment...

A selfish imp in the sheets And just as bad in the streets A reckless, heartbreaking freak! S1EP7, Ozzie's, 11:54

Anger… to the murderous degree, actually…

Fuck Blitzo in the fucking ass! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:14

Disrespect...

That cock-sucking motherfucker! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 9:36

Remember when I said their anger is different?

She uses hers to fuel her determination to destroy Blitzø’s reputation. She uses her fame and all her resources to humiliate him.

She never moved past anger. Never really processed it.

But wait…

Acceptance?!

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:55

All it took was just one long-overdue genuine talk. The moment she saw Blitzø's remorse and let her feelings out, she immediately warmed up, stopped using his dead name, and even gave advice—it’s debatable whether it was the best one, but I believe she meant well for both Blitzø and Stolas.

Hold it, Blitzø. Y’know, if you wanna change, it just starts with saying: “Good for him, hope he gets laid.” S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:18

You know, I feel there’s a good chance that the next anti-Blitzo party might not ever happen again.

Because she leaped through all the stages in one night, and, maybe not at that exact moment, but she is on the path to acceptance. Finally letting it go.

Baby, I'm not over it, but I'm over you.

Could've saved many years of simmering in rage and destructing herself over Blitzø though.

Conclusions

Oh shit, now I need to somehow connect all the dots, don’t I?

Well... *chuckles nervously* I guess I gotta put on my nerd glasses and pretend I knew what I was doing here and not just threw shit at the wall and saw what stuck.

What I really wanted to say is that Stolas is much more self-aware and was able to work through all his feelings and process them in one day. He went through the complete journey and made immense progress. We don’t know how it will go further, but from what we’ve seen, his emotional intelligence helps him, if not to avoid problematic behaviors like binge-drinking, then at least not to burn bridges behind him, leaving space for understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance.

It’s not to say that Verosika’s way of doing things was wrong because she was angry and skipped through some stages. It was wrong because she made her entire personality revolve around it, turning bringing Blitzø down in any way possible into her ultimate life goal. It was wrong because she never processed it.

And it shows why, even after the break-up, #stolitz can still work, given that Blitzø is open about how he feels and Stolas is open to listening to it.

AGAIN! There’s no right way to process grief. But there should be a priority to heal and accept instead of doubling down and ruining yourself and everything you cared for.

(I am watching you, Blitzø hater. Don’t you dare to shit on my poor lizard. He has his own heap of issues and has had enough after that fucking penguin slur short. So don’t. >:()

[edwinisms]

hey jayden? yeah can we talk about how lyrics like this are in your charles playlist? hello???