#the mention of medicine in this story made me emotional there's so much i want to do in the future

[noxtivagus]

THE ALCHEMIST/CULINARIAN ROLE QUEST IN SHB 🥺

[justmeinadaze]

Little Girl Gone (Steddie X You)

A/N: This is the story I mentioned yesterday! Trying something new for me but I hope y'all enjoy it. I've always found Mafia Eddie incredible sexy <3. This is an AU with a mixture of Stranger Things you will definitely recognize :). I wrote with the idea that Hawkins is a big city so keep that in mind lol

Warnings: Mafia Gangster Eddie/ Officer (slightly mean) Steve Harrington/ Doctor Fem Reader, SMUT, use of the color system, degrading if you squint, spanking, dirty talk, etc.

ANGST, Obviously (and not just because I am me lol), Eddie runs a rival gang in Hawkins and is in love with Steve (Romeo and Juliet style), Steve mentions being jumped and Eddie retaliates getting hurt in the process, mentions of murders by Eddie, Reader takes care of them both performing surgery on the gangster, guns are pulled and our boys are threatened, cliff hanger ending because I can.

Word Count: 8284

"Little girl gone, got a gun from a gangster Run little girl, run little girl, bang, ha."

“Officer Steve Harrington.”, you read from his chart as you enter the exam room before flashing him a big smile. “I’m Dr. Y/L/N. How can I help you today?”

“My, uh, Captain said I needed to come get a checkup. I was wounded in the line of duty a few days ago.”

“Oh no. I’m really sorry to hear that. May I ask what happened?”

“Does that matter?”, he snapped.

You dealt with sassy patients on the regular. It came with the territory especially in the area your office was located in. In this part of the city, your clinic usually catered to people who didn’t want to check in at a regular hospital because their name could get dinged for other offenses. You always felt like everyone deserved care so when you opened your clinic, you made sure to do what you could within the means and resources you had available. 

Officers normally never entered your building but within these past few months you had seen them more and more frequently. You had heard rumors of a new gang in the area trying to make things more…democratic…so there was less chaos in the streets but in turn that brought more of a police presence because most of the people around here hated being threatened into submission reacting violently if need be. 

Thankfully, you weren’t easily shaken so this admittedly good-looking man of the law raising his voice didn’t frighten you one bit. 

“It does if you want me to assess you properly.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I like to be polite at first. Now, are you going to tell me what happened or should I mark in your file here that you refused to answer so your Captain can deal with you?”

Steve’s amber eyes scanned you over briefly before a small smirk painted his beautiful lips. 

“I got jumped by one of the rival gangs in the area. Beat me up pretty good.” 

Sitting in your wheely chair, you slid toward him and carefully lifted off his shirt, his face wincing as he lifted his arms. Large purple bruises were splattered along his ribs and around to his back. Just from the wounds alone, you could tell he was kicked and punched repeatedly. His face had some scratches and swelling but it looked like nothing compared to his upper torso. 

“Oh wow. I’m so sorry. Did you go to the hospital?”

“I did. They did some X-rays and shit. Thankfully nothing was broken but, obviously, moving around has been hard.”

“Beside the bruising, have you experienced any other pain? Like a sharp stabbing pain in your side or anything like that?”

“Uh, no. Just emotional pain.”, he chuckles as his eyes look past you into a memory. 

“Ok, I’ll get you some medicine I think will help as well as some cream to sooth the pain of those bruises and swelling. I’ll be right back.”

You weren’t gone long but as you were returning you could vaguely hear his voice through the door between you both. 

“Naw, she said she’s going to get me some meds and shit…Baby! Seriously, you worry too much. I’m fine… No, NO. Don’t you dare go over there or I swear God—” Hastily, he hung up his phone when he heard you knock and reenter the room he was in. “Sorry. That was my, um, my boss checking in. Just reiterated what you told me.”

“Good. Now this will help with the pain…”, you instruct as you hand him some medication before flashing him the cream. “…and this will help with the swelling. Just put this on your bruises every six hours and you’ll be good to go in no time.”

Opening the bottle, you squeeze some of the medicine in your hand, and gently rub it along his admittedly muscular abs. 

“You’re, um, going to feel it tingle a bit and feel warm but after a few moments it will cool down.”

That smirk you saw previously appeared on his lips again when he caught you staring as your hands slowly rubbed along his skin. 

“That feels really good actually. Your hands not the cream.”

“Hm. I’m sure your girlfriend touches you enough.” Steve raises an eyebrow at your insinuation. “I mean unless you call your captain ‘baby’.”

A slightly nervous sigh leaves you as the officer’s grin grows and his eyes meet yours. 

“Hm. Bad girl listening in on my phone calls. Do you always misbehave like that?”

“This is my clinic, Officer Harrington. I can do whatever I want especially when I have signs everywhere that say, ‘No Cell Phones in the Exam Room.’”

His palm abruptly takes hold of your wrist, pulling you closer to him till your nose was just above his own.

“This may be your clinic, honey, but these are my streets. I keep order here.”

“I think the gangs here would disagree.”

“Pfft, like you know anything about what goes on out there.”, he spits as he lets you go.

After throwing a scowl his way, you pretend to be preoccupied with washing your hands.

“I know that when I first moved here, the fatality rate in this area was extremely high until that new gang leader took over the Munson crew. I believe, if the rumors are correct, the new boss is actually the son of the old leader Al Munson. Since the son has taken over, oddly enough, the streets have become safer. More kids come out to play and I’ve seen less addicts in the last couple of months.”

As you dry your hands and turn to face him, you notice the hardened look on the officer’s face as he listens to you speak.

“I also know there have been more of a police presence on this side of town as well. I’ve seen a lot of innocent civilians put in ambulances or worse due to the push back of change. Tell me, Officer Harrington, which side are you on? Which gang did that to you? The Munson’s or The Carver’s?”

“I’m on the side of peace. That’s my job.”, he seethes through gritted teeth.  

“Yeah… you’re good to go, officer. Have a nice day.”, you growl in annoyance as you leave the room without waiting for him to retort.

##############

Today had been an incredibly long day. After your appointment with Officer Harrington, you had back-to-back visits from so many clients just needing a little bit of help. Your mind was racing as you and your staff did what you could but the truth was you desperately needed more funding. You were running low on supplies and the equipment you had wasn’t the best. It killed you to see your patient’s sad faces when you strongly recommended they head to the nearest hospital for certain tests that you just couldn’t provide at that time. 

Your mind was still racing as you began to gather your things to head out for the evening which is most likely why you didn’t even hear him till you exited your office and were met with a gun pointed at your face. 

“Don’t be scared. I’m not…I’m not here to hurt you. We need help.”, Steve panted with a heavy breath as the weapon shook in his hand. He was still dressed in the uniform he was wearing when you last saw him but now it was stained in blood and sweat.

“I-I-I…”

Roughly, he took hold of your bicep and dragged you to your waiting room where another man was sitting with his head leaning against the wall. You knew he wasn’t a cop because he wasn’t dressed like the man beside you but instead in an expensive looking black suit with the white button up shirt underneath his jacket now stained with red. You noticed immediately his palm was holding his side and that area of his clothing was a darker shade than all the rest. 

“I can’t help with a wound like that. He needs a hospital.”

“Oh you don’t say?”, he snarled as he tugged you to his chest. “If I could have taken him to a fucking hospital I would have! But I brought him to you, now HELP HIM!”

“Steven!”, the long-haired man grumbled as he looked your way. “Be nice. She’s just being…honest. Right, sweetheart?” He sighs when you nod and tries to get to his feet but the officer is quicker, running to his side to help him stand. “See, the thing is, princess, if I go to a hospital I’ll die anyway…because they will put me…in jail especially after they find out…what-what I did tonight.”

“What did you do?”

“That doesn’t fucking matter right now. He’s losing blood and fast!”

Swallowing nervously, you step forward to unbutton his shirt and examine the cut you found. He needed stitches as soon as possible and most likely a blood transfusion unless someone got to his wound fast enough. Gesturing them both to follow you, you power walk to an exam room and begin searching for supplies as Steve carefully places the man on the table. While he removes the bloody clothes from his top half, you prep a syringe.

“Is he allergic to anything?”

“No. What is that, that you’re giving him?”

“It’s a pain killer. It won’t be as strong as ones at a hospital but…”

As you stick the needle into his stomach just above his cut, he flinches causing Steve’s expression to flood with worry as he moves the man’s hair out of his face. After quickly cleaning the area, you let out a long sigh as you glance their way. 

“Even with the shot, this is going to hurt a lot I’m afraid. I’ll try to go as fast as I can but, officer, if you can distract him that may help.”

The man on the table chuckles as he turns his head towards his friend. 

“She keeps calling you ‘officer’. Did… you not tell her your name? Or did you… scare her too much to use it?” He cringes as he hisses once you begin sewing in his stitches. “You like to…pretend to be so badass…but we both know you’re a…sweetheart.”

“Pretend to be a badass, huh? You’re one to talk.”, Steve scolds in a light sounding tone as he softly places his forehead against his own. “Eddie, I told you not to go over there.”

“They tried to hurt what was mine…”, he growled low in his throat even making you pause for a moment before focusing again on your task. “They wanted to send a message, well, message received.”

“I could have handled it.”

Grabbing Steve’s cheeks roughly, he brings his lips to his own. 

“No one takes my things and NO ONE hurts what’s mine. You belong to me, baby, and I promised I’d keep you safe.”

Finishing his sutures, you bandage him up and wrap some gauze around his lower waist. 

“Thank you.”, he whispers exhaustedly as he extends his shaky hand towards you. “What’s your name, pretty girl?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re safe and I promise neither of us are going to hurt you. I’m Edward Munson but you can call me Eddie.” Your eyes widen as you slowly back away from them causing Steve to rise to his feet. “Ah. I see you’ve heard of me. Then you know you can trust me.”

Eddie tries to stand as well but sways before Steve steadies him. 

“You…you should be in a hospital. That wound needs to be looked after and you need to rest.”

“I can take care of him.”

“Steve…”

“No. No you can’t. That’s why you brought him to me.”, you sass in frustration as you try to display an air of confidence. Both men scan you over as they try to get a read on you as you continue. “If you refuse to go to a hospital, then give me your address and I can come—”

“No. No addresses. We can’t have you giving it to the police.”

“Oh you mean you?!”

You and Steve square off, tightening your stances as you glare at each other until Eddie laughed beside you both. 

“Brave girl with attitude. I like it.”

“I don’t. Little girl needs to be put in her place.”

“I highly doubt you’re the man to do that.”, you sass.

“Yeah well good thing there’s two of us, honey, and trust me, whatever I start Eddie can definitely finish.”

Sighing, you fold your arms as you argue with the internal dialogue inside your head. 

“You can come to my apartment but I have one condition. After he heals, I never want to see either of you again.”

Their eyes meet for a moment before Eddie finally nods. 

“You have a deal, princess.”

############

“Um, I don’t have a spare room or anything but the couch is comfortable. Just make sure to stay on your back if you can.” Eddie nods as Steve places him down and hastily begins removing the gear attached to him. “Let me grab some blankets and pillows.”

Disappearing into your bedroom, you grab any extra bedding you had and began to head their way but paused when you heard them talking. 

“Why are you being mean to her? I thought you said she took care of you.”

“She did. I just… I was worried about you. It’s my job to take care of you to, honey.”

“And snapping at the woman who’s trying to help will do what exactly?” Steve laughs through his teeth at Eddie question. “I think it’s because you like her.”

“Pfft what?”

“Oh, look at Officer Harrington blushing.”, the long-haired man teases as he reaches out to touch the boy’s face. “I know I just met her and she was busy saving my life but I can see why…”, he chuckles before wincing as he grabs his side. 

“Are you alright?”, you ask as you come back to the living room and kneel down on your knees in front of him. 

“Yeah, I’m alright. I’ve been through way worse than this.”

You take quick note of his wound before handing Steve the things you found, watching with fascination as he tosses the things for him to the side before placing the pillow on his lap and guiding the man back to lay down. 

“If, um, if you notice it bleeding through or he starts getting a fever, come and get me immediately.” 

The officer nods as he throws the blanket over Eddie and comfortingly rests his hand on his chest, his thumb gently running along the man’s tattooed skin. 

***

Your alarm goes at 4am that morning, startling you as you shoot up right. Groggily, you shuffled to your bathroom and grabbed the items Eddie would need so you could change his bandages. Both men were fast asleep when you entered the living room, Steve still clinging to him with his other hand very close to where his gun was resting on the little table you had beside your couch. 

“Mr. Munson?”, you whisper as you sit on the coffee table across from them. When he didn’t stir you couldn’t help but take the opportunity to visually take in one of the most notorious gangsters in the city. You had never seen a picture of him and he definitely wasn’t what you pictured when you heard the rumors from people in the clinic. 

He did have an air of control surrounding him but his voice and face were incredibly soft especially when it came to Steve. You heard him get upset though so you imagined that amplified out in the streets and you hoped you never met that version of him. He had a lot of tattoos painting his upper torso that seemed completely random except for the symbol of his gang that was tattooed on many other men and women you had seen previously minus the tiny initials “S.H.” inscribed within the design. 

Eddie was fairly muscular appearing more toned in his abs and upper arms. Slightly blocking your view was Steve’s massive palm over his chest, almost as if that was his way to make sure the man was still breathing. He had been exceptionally rude with you but with the gangster, he transformed before your eyes, becoming softer and listening to everything the other man said without question. They both obviously seemed to care strongly about each other which you found slightly amusing given their slight Romeo and Juliet story; one being a cop and the other a criminal. 

“Mr. Munson.”

Extending your hand, you tried gently shaking his upper shoulder and in one swift motion, he grabbed your wrist and held you tightly as he raised his fist in the air prepared to defend himself. Swallowing nervously, you froze as his intense eyes scanned your own. 

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t…” Eddie promptly let you go and winced as he sat up in front of you. 

“No, no. It’s ok. After what happened, I completely understand. I just need to check you out and rewrap your wound.”

“Would it be easier for you if we went to the table?”

“Oh, no, this is ok but I do have to turn on the light.”

Eddie follows your eyes as you glance towards Steve. 

“Trust me, it won’t bother him one bit. I don’t think he’s had a consistent night’s sleep since he was hurt.”

“How long have you two been involved?”, you ask as you begin the task in front of you hoping to distract him as well from the pain. 

“In my business or each other?”, he smirks when you breathily laugh. “Both answers are more or less the same. He had the balls to arrest me on a charge we both knew wouldn’t stick. I knew he was different when he tried to get me to flip sides and sell out my friends. Usually, cops knew better than to do that especially with me.”

The gangster paused when you tried to clean his cut, flinching as he gritted his teeth. 

“What happened? Did he take you in?”

“No, I did when I let him fuck me handcuffed in the back of his cruiser.”, he chuckled, slightly surprised when you did as well. “We’ve been watching out for each other ever since. He’s actually not as big of an asshole as he seems. Steve just has a big heart and wants to take care of everything himself. He likes to be the big, strong man, you know? That’s why he’s been so short lately.”

“What happened there? He didn’t tell me; just said he was jumped.”

“I don’t think that’s something you should know. The less we tell you the better.”

“Mr. Munson, you, a well-known Mafia style gang leader, showed up at my clinic after hours with a police officer bleeding out. I think that line has been crossed.”, you grin up at him finding his eyes watching you again. “I assume it was someone from Carver’s side. You told Steve something about them sending a message.”

“Yeah… Jason Carver isn’t exactly a fan of mine even more so since I took over. My dad was always a…shoot first ask questions later which is why he’s in jail right now. He was sloppy and greedy like Jason. I don’t want to hurt people I don’t have to.” Leaning forward, you start wrapping the gauze around him but you can’t help to inhale the strong scent of cigarettes and cologne. You don’t see it but his own head tilts slightly, inhaling your shampoo from the night before when you finally had time for a shower and the regular smells of your office that attached to your skin. 

Eddie’s lips ever so slightly grazed your shoulder that was exposed due to the tank top you were currently wearing causing you to shutter softly as you pulled back to cut the bandage. 

“Are you afraid of me, Y/N?”, he asked in a low tone that had you exhaling as you tried to maintain your composure. 

“Mr. Munson, I work in a city filled with crime and scared citizens. I don’t really have the luxury of being afraid.”

“That’s not what I asked you.” Calloused fingers reached out to grip the bottom of your chin and forced your eyes to meet his. “Even though I take no pleasure in it, I have hurt and killed people. I killed two people just last night. Carver got the idea in his head that roughing up the man I love would have me submitting to him and his whims. I’m not the submissive type and I made sure he knew that by slitting the throats of the two men that put hands on him. I don’t regret it and I’d do it again.”

“How did you get hurt then?”

“Unfortunately, Carver isn’t an idiot. He had more men appear and try to take us out. Steve showed up and someone pulled a knife… Let’s just say that someone got in a good attempt before I snapped his neck.”

The way he spoke about such violent things was so even, almost as if he could be reading from a grocery list. This was his every day and you could tell by his tone he knew it would continue to be. But there was something about him… something that made you feel safe. 

“No, I’m not afraid of you, Mr. Munson.”

“I think under the circumstances, you can call me Eddie.”

A cell phone ringing pulled you both apart but didn’t stir the man it belonged to as he continued to snore with his head leaning over the back of the couch. 

“Steve. Steven.”, the man called as he shook his arm rousing him from his deep sleep. “Your phone is ringing.”

Without opening his eyes, the officer reached into his pocket, producing his device, and placing it to his ear as he answered with gravelly “yeahs” and “mhmms”. 

“I have to go in. Someone called in about the shooting on the eastside and they found Carver’s guys.” Rubbing his eyes and as if he forgot you were there, Steve tenderly kissed Eddie’s lips before rising to his feet and putting on all of his gear once more. “Please keep an eye on him and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I have to go to work.” Pausing, he exhaled heavily as he turned and flashed you an annoyed look. “I have to. It would look weird if I didn’t. I’ve never missed a day but if we leave early enough…I can bring him with me and keep him in my office.”

“Is it ok to move him that much?”

As if to prove a point, Eddie rose to his feet. 

“I’ll be ok. I’m a quick healer. Don’t worry about us.”

###############

Thankfully, you didn’t have too many patients today so you were able to keep yourself locked in your office with the gangster you were attempting to hide. As soon as you brought him in, he fell asleep on your office couch, allowing you to leave him be so you could do what you needed. 

As you were reading a chart however you heard giggling in the exam room beside your office and quickly went to investigate, finding Eddie sitting next to a child on the exam table making her laugh. 

“Look, princess, you can’t trick me like that.”

“It’s thumb war! You have to be stronger.”

“Ok, best two out of three.”

“Kylie, sweetheart, what are you doing here?”, you beam trying not to startle either of them. 

“Hey Dr. Y/L/N! My mom told me to come down to see if you had any more samples of my inhaler.”

“Oh, honey. I don’t. I’m so sorry. I usually try and save one for you but I had another patient who had an emergency so I had to give it to him.”

“Why do you need an inhaler? Is it for the other people whose breath you take away because you’re so adorable?”

Kylie giggles as she turns towards Eddie and blushes. 

“No! I have asthma. My mommy brings me here to get my medicine because we can’t afford the stores.”, she sighs as her head hangs.

The man’s eyes meet your sympathetic ones before softly smiling and giving the little girl his attention again. 

“Hey. Can you keep a secret?” The small child nods in earnest making his smile widen. “Have you heard of a little convenience store called Cunningham’s Corner? It’s about a 5-minute walk from here. Go to that store and ask for Chrissy. Tell her Eddie sent you and you need an inhaler. She’ll give it to you for free.”

Kylie’s eyes widen as if this man just told her a fairytale.

“Free?”

“Mhmm. But you can’t tell anyone! Because then other people will take advantage.”

After giving him a hug, she jumps down from the table and starts to head for the door. 

“Hey! Here. Give Miss Cunningham this paper when you tell her what you need, ok?”, you instruct as you hand her a prescription with the name of what she needs. 

“Ok. Thank you, Dr. Y/L/N!”

“Thank you. That was really nice of you.”

Rising from his seat, he waddles with you back to your office. 

“It’s not a problem. I heard her coughing and crying so I wanted to make sure she was alright. Is she a regular?”

“Yeah and, unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for her to come by herself. Her mom is a single mother who works 60hrs a week trying to make ends meet. They came to me when she started having her symptoms but there’s only so much I can do here with my resources.”

“Are you underfunded?”

“Yeah. I do what I can but because of where I’m located…”

“Why don’t you move to a better location?”

“I can’t do that. I can’t leave these people. They need someone to help them since a regular clinic would immediately turn them away since a lot of them have no money or no insurance.”

“You’re a very kind woman, Y/N.”

Flashing him a smile, a knock makes you jump as you quickly get up to see who it is. 

“It’s Hawkins PD Detective Jim Hopper. I’d like to have word with you for a moment.”

Right as you scan your room, Eddie hides himself in front of you against the wall so he wouldn’t be seen when you finally open the door between you and the gentleman.

“May, uh, my we come in?”

“We?”, you ask as your eyes flick to the wide, stern eyes of Steve behind him. “What’s this about, detective?”

“I don’t know if you heard but we had a gang related fight in the area and we got some intel that Edward Munson may have been severally wounded.”

“Ok? And what does that have to do with me?”

“It wasn’t far from your clinic so we thought, maybe, you heard something or saw something?”

“What time was this?”

“Around 7-8pm.”

“My clinic closes at 6 so—”

“I mean, as a doctor though I’m sure you work late hours—”

“Not last night.” Out of the corner of your eye you see Eddie mime with his hand for you to calm down a bit and you close your eyes as you sigh before responding again. “I’m sorry, Officers. It’s just been a rough week. I left early last night to come in early this morning and do some work. I haven’t heard or seen anything but I can be on the lookout.”

Hopper nods, tilting his hat as he begins to walk away. 

“I’m just going to give her some details and information so she knows what to be on the lookout for exactly.”, Steve informs his colleague who confirms before disappearing to lean against the waiting room desk. 

Pulling out his notepad, he steps closer to you pretending to write things down. 

“Where is he?”, Steve whispers, smirking when your eyes flick to the side. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“You like it.”, Eddie murmurs. “Should we be worried?”

“No, a few of Carver’s guys are in the morgue.” 

You had seen many people come and go during your time as a physician so when the officer shook his head looking away down the hallway, you could tell he was lying. 

“What aren’t you telling him?”

Steve’s angry, amber eyes met yours as an annoyed grunt left his lips. 

“Nothing. Stay in your lane, doctor.”

“Hey.”, Eddie growled low beside you. “Watch your tone. You wouldn’t keep anything from me would you, Steven?”

“I was questioned this morning seeing as how I was jumped and then suddenly men from Carver’s gang show up dead.”, the cop sighs. “I told you not to go over there.”

You could feel the tension rising between them but you were still being watched and couldn’t risk the gangster being seen. Eddie was slipping to far in his own frustration to think that far as he began pushing off the wall to scold his partner but you quickly placed your hand on his chest lightly pushing him back down. 

“Did you get in trouble?”

“No.”, he responds to your question. “But I am being watched a lot closer hence the detective.”

“And your bruises?”

“Huh?”

“You were hurt to. Is the medicine helping at all?”

Steve’s eyes take in your face clocking in your genuine concern. 

“It is actually. Thank you.” When you smile back at his answer a tooth filled grin paints his features. “I, um, I should be done here by about 7 or so. I’ll head to your place, come get him, and then…we’ll be out of your hair.”

#############

“Ok, so, make sure to keep this clean and if you find yourself in any excruciating pain or like I told Steve if you get a fever come back to me so I can take a look.”

“Hm. I thought you never wanted to see us again.”, Eddie teased as he carefully put back on the shirt you gave him. 

“I don’t but that doesn’t mean I want you to get sick or die or whatever.”

The gangster’s smile grew as he watched you blush. 

“How come you don’t have a boyfriend or husband or whatever?”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

“Because if you were our girl, there’s no way I would have gone two days without calling or checking in and I’d definitely have something to say if I found two men sleeping here.”

“Our girl?”

“Oh, sweetheart. Any woman I date is with Steve as well and most can barely handle my attitude and temper let alone both of ours.”

“You seem nice enough to me.”

“I can be mean when I want to be.”

“I’m always busy…to answer your question. A lot of relationships I’ve had can’t handle my schedule.”

“Hm, I understand that. Steve and I have conflicting schedules all the time.” Eddie’s eyes watch you as you gather the trash from cleaning his cut and head towards the trashcan to avoid his gaze. “But we make time for each other. That’s what you do when you care about someone.”

“Yeah, well, I guess no one really cares about me.”, you sassily smirk as you sigh and wash your hands in the sink. 

Feeling the energy shift, you turn coming chest to chest with the man himself.

“I care about you. Steve cares about you.”

“I’m pretty sure Officer Harrington hates me.”, you giggle but it tapers off when his face remains stoic.

“He doesn’t. He wouldn’t have brought me to you if he didn’t trust you.”

“You don’t know me, Eddie.”

“I know enough.” 

Shaking your head, you laugh again trying to lighten the intense atmosphere as you begin to walk back towards the living room but his hand promptly grabs your bicep and moves you till your standing in front of him once more. 

“You saved me and helped him. I just watched you all day take care of people who can’t normally afford care. You have a kind heart and you’re extremely beautiful. Do you know that? Do you know how beautiful you are?”

A knock on your door startled you but not him as he continued to stare down at you waiting for an answer. Silently, you allowed Steve entry who immediately took in your rattled appearance. 

“Everything ok?”

“Mhmm. I was just asking Y/N if she knew how beautiful she was.”

His gorgeous, honey hues widen slightly as if he was surprised before turning his attention back to you. 

“You know you are, right?”

“I-I think you both should leave.”, you whisper with little to no confidence in what you were saying. 

“Is that what you want?”, he mused as he strolled further into your apartment. “Because we can leave right now and like you asked, disappear from your life forever. Or, maybe, you can let us thank you properly.”

“I thought you didn’t like me…said you wanted to put me in my place.”

They both chuckle making your face turn a deep crimson in embarrassment.

“Baby, that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means that I think I’d have a lot of fun playing with you.”

“Playing with me?”

Steve subtly nods his head as Eddie slowly moves closer to the living room where you two were standing. 

“Teasing you, kissing you, taking care of you…taking control of you and your gorgeous body till you’re begging me to let you cum.” Tilting his head, his eyes meet yours as his fingers caress your face. “When’s the last time you had someone take care of you?”

The other man comes up behind you, sandwiching you between them as he gently places his palm on your stomach under your blouse. 

“I asked you something, honey.”

“It’s been a while.”, you jest making Steve smirk as Eddie stepped closer to you till your back was to his chest. His hand continued to run along your skin with his fingers just barely floating under the waistband of your pants before coming back up to rub your stomach. “I’m scared.”

Everyone freezes in place at your words but as the gangster tries to drop his hand, you quickly catch it and hold it in place back on your tummy. 

“Of us?”, he asks.

“I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Resting his head on your shoulder, his palm wonders again this time going further as you feel him slide into your underwear and cup his hand around your heat. 

“You won’t, sweetheart. I promise, you’re safe with us. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

“And neither will I. I can protect you from getting in any kind of trouble with the law or anything like that. You have two men here who control both sides of the coin…” As Steve’s voice dropped into a more and more seductive register, Eddie’s lips gently pecked your shoulder and up to your neck as his finger graze your clit while gliding them through your folds.

“You just need to let go and let us control you.”

“Fuck.”, you groaned as he slid two of his digits into your core.

“Is that a yes?”, Steve chuckles sassily as he watches your eyes close as you lean your head against his boyfriend.

“I think so, Harrington, because pretty girl here is just dripping all over my hand.”

“Yeah? We need to hear her say it though. Do you want us to take care of you tonight, honey?”

“H-He—mmm—Eddie can’t with his…with his cut.”

“Oh trust me, Y/N, that won’t be an issue. Now answer my question, please.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I want you to take care of me.”

As if they could read each other’s minds, Eddie’s hand slipped out of your pants and Steve picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and carried you to your bedroom. 

“Ow! Something in your vest is stabbing me, Officer Harrington.”, you giggle before he tosses you onto your mattress. 

“Sorry. I forgot to take this stuff off. I was blindsided by a stupid question when I came in.”, he grinned as he began removing his equipment and placed them on your bedside table. 

Eddie carefully climbed in and you hastily set up pillows so he could lean back comfortable against your headboard. 

“Thank you. I don’t think that question was ever answered. DO you know how beautiful you are?”

“Sometimes I need reminding.”, you sigh as your nervous eyes meet his soft ones. 

“We can do that, sweetheart.”

Taking hold of your cheeks, he brought your lips to his and your body ignited with an electricity you had never felt before as his lips carefully but firmly mingled with yours. Steve’s laugh echoed through your room as he looped his arm around your waist and pulled you away from the gangster to bring you in front of him at the edge of the bed. 

He had taken off his shirt and out of habit as a doctor you scanned his bruises to make sure he was ok. Clocking your care once again, his fingers gripped your chin and brought your mouth to his own.

“It’s ok. I’m still a bit sore but you helped me a lot.”

As he continued to kiss your lips, you allowed him to undress you making him pause when you were fully naked in front of them. 

“Jesus Christ.”

“I told you, princess…beautiful.”, Eddie grinned.

Smiling widely at their compliments, your hands roamed Steve’s chest, kissing a trail along the way till you reached his belt and fumbled with the barrier before fully pushing down his pants. You gasped when his cock sprang free causing them both the chuckle again as you practically gapped at the size. 

“I know. It was a shock to me to.”, the gangster teased as the officer stuck out his tongue playfully. 

“You liked it. And I promise, honey, you’ll like it to.”

Gripping the base, he held his mushroom tip towards your lips and moaned when your tongue darted out to lick the small beads of precum that had begun to leak. Steve pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail so he could watch as you slowly wrapped your mouth around him and gradually began bobbing your head.

 “Shit. Atta girl. Flatten that tongue. J-Just like that.”

Another set of hands softly ran down you back and over your ass before the cool sting of metal hit your behind. 

“Did you like that, pretty girl? Did you like Eddie spanking you?”, the officer asked when you moaned loudly. 

Fingers glided ever so slightly through your pussy lips and even you couldn’t deny hearing the squishy sound of your slick that obscenely filled your bedroom. 

“Oh Stevie. She definitely enjoyed that.”

“Yeah? You like it a bit rough, little girl?”

Eddie guided his middle and ring fingers inside of you eliciting a mewl from your throat that had the man inside of your mouth grunting with pleasure. 

“Fuck. I think…I think you can take me a bit deeper.”

Thrusting his hips a bit, you gag around him spilling drool and spit down his length as you mentally take note of the fact that that wasn’t all of him you choked on. 

“Come on, honey, take more. I know you can, baby.”

Tears stream down your face as you try but barely take more of him in. Gripping your jaw, he pulls out of your mouth and leans his face in front of yours as his eyes search yours. 

“Green, good. Yellow, slow down. Red, stop. What color are you at, Y/N?”

“Fuck… green.”

“Ok, then why are you crying? We haven’t even fucked you yet.”

“I-I-I wanna take more. I want to make you feel good to.”

You heard your tone as it came out of your mouth but you barely recognized it. You sounded like a child who was told she couldn’t play outside because it was raining. What was it about these men that transformed you in this way? In relationships or even one-night stands, you never cared about this kind of thing. Usually, men never complained and you were never fully satisfied after they left resorting to your vibrator to get you the rest of the way. 

But for whatever reason, you wanted to impress them. You desperately wanted them to feel good because some part of you had a feeling that they were going to do the same for you. 

Steve’s eyes softened as Eddie’s fingers slowed inside of you. 

“Be nice to her, babe. She’s got a good heart and she did take care of us.”

“Can you keep your mouth open for me, pretty girl?” He grins when you nod your head, wiping your tears with his thumb before kissing your cheek. “And you are making me feel good. Your mouth feels fucking amazing.”

You beam with pride as you do what he asked, whimpering when Eddie began building you up again. 

Holding your head still, Steve guided his cock back between your lips, doing the slow thrusts he was doing before as you kept your mouth closed around him. Your eyes squeezed shut as his pace began to quicken, his tip occasionally hitting the back of your throat. 

“There you go, baby. T-That’s it. See? Doing—fuck—doing so well. Now, stay still.”

As he began fucking your face, the gangster matched his pace making you groan as obscenities flowed from the officer’s mouth.  

“Shit. Take it, little girl. That’s right. You love the taste of my cock in your throat, don’t you?” Reaching over you, his hand calm down hard on your ass and your palm pushed at his legs signaling you needed air. “Are you gonna cum? Ask him, Y/N. Ask Eddie if it’s ok.”, he commanded as he forced your head towards the other man. 

“Eddie, please. Please… can I…”

“Yeah, princess. Cum on my fingers.”

You collapsed as you came, moaning loudly into the mattress as you tried to catch your breath. You weren’t given much time however as Steve manhandled you till you up on your hands and knees again with your face hovering over the bulge in the other man’s pants. 

After unbuckling his belt, he pushed them down just enough to free his own cock from his denim confinement and you didn’t hesitate as you wrapped your tiny hands around his thick girth. Hands clung tightly to your waist and you braced yourself when you felt Steve collect some of your arousal with his length before gradually pushing into your entrance. 

“Oh, fuck me.”

“How does she feel, Harrington?”

Your eyes fluttered closed as you tried to focus on the man in front of you, letting a long glob of spit land on his tip as you stroked it with your hand. 

“S-So…So fucking tight.” His palm came down on your ass and you groaned as he continued to push further inside of you. 

“I like my view here. Make—mmm—make sure you fuck her nice and deep. Beautiful girl deserves it after everything she’s been through.”

“Oh, don’t worry, honey. I plan on ruining this little pussy.”

Eddie chuckles as he watches Steve lick his lips as your cunt tightens around him at his words. 

“What about you, princess?”, he murmurs as he tenderly pets your head.

“He’s…so BIG.”

“Yeah, he is. Does he feel good?” You nod as your head hangs and he promptly grabs your jaw forcing you to look his way. “Say it.”

“Fuck, Steve, you feel so fucking good!”

“That’s a good girl.”

You mewled when you felt him bottom out, his hips connecting with yours, allowing you to feel every inch before he pulled back and slammed back into you. Eddie’s mouth fell open as you bobbed your head on his cock. While he wasn’t as big as his boyfriend, he was definitely thicker and you felt like your mouth was full of him. 

He was much gentler with you, continuing to play with your hair and mutter praises as Steve pounded into you, rocking you further down the gangster’s length as you choked and spit around him. 

“God, honey, this pussy is too…fucking…good.”, Steve grunted, smacking his lower half into yours between each word. Leaning over you, he rolled his hips, pushing him impossibly deeper into your cunt as your eyes rolled back. “His dick tastes amazing, doesn’t it? Mmm—fucking love when he shoves it down my throat.”

Moving out of his way, Steve envelopes Eddie into his mouth making the gangster moan as he extends his hand to tangle in his hair. As his boyfriend continued to fuck you, your own groans vibrated against the long haired boy’s balls driving him crazy as he growled through his clenched teeth. 

“Fuck! You’re both so fucking sexy. That’s it, baby boy, take my cock.”

After pumping his hips a few times, Eddie let him go and Steve pushed up onto his knees pounding into you till you were seeing stars. Taking the man’s length in your mouth again, you mimicked the other boy’s movements trying to keep a steady pace as you hurdled towards the edge. 

“A-Are you about to cum? Fuck, Y/N, you better fucking ask one of us, little girl, if you want to fucking cum!”

Your glassy, needy eyes met the chocolate ones of the man in front of you, pleading as you began to shake.

“Ask, Y/N.”

“Please, Eddie! Please, I need to cum!”

Taking a hold of your hair, he firmly tugged you till your face was fully visible. A small smile flickered across his lips, watching you struggle till he finally nodded granting you permission. 

Steve reached around and took hold of your throat, lifting you till you were pressed against him, squeezing you tightly as he fucked you through the most intense orgasm you had ever had. 

“Good girl. Good fucking girl. Are you on the pill?”, Steve roughly growled in your ear, his rhythm and intensity increasing when you said yes. “Good because I’m going to fill up this pussy and you’re going to take it like a good little girl. You’re going to take everything I give you and be fucking thankful.”

He grunted in your ear as he held your lower half against him as he rolled his hips aggressively, pumping his release into your cunt.

“Steve.”, Eddie called in a firm tone you barely heard through your haze.

“Excuse me, honey.”

Carefully, he pulled his softening cock out of your aching hole and gently laid you on your side before crawling up the gangster’s legs and taking him into his mouth. You watched with hooded eyes as his boyfriend took him all the way down his shaft, massaging his balls with his palm, as Eddie groaned.

“That’s my good boy. You wanna swallow my cum?”

Steve nodded as his eyes met his own and with a few thrusts of Eddie’s hips, his head fell back as he released his spend down the man’s throat. After sharing a soft but passionate kiss, they turned their attention to you.

“Are you ok, babe? Do you need anything? Water?”

“Will you lay with me?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, of course.”

You didn’t even hesitate when you scoot to Eddie’s side and wrapped your arms around your stomach, placing your head on his chest. The last thing you remember is feeling warmth behind you and the sound of Steve’s steady breathing on your skin before you fell asleep.

***

“DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THERE WOULD BE NO CONSEQUENCES?!”

Your head shot up when you heard shouting in your living room. Eddie and Steve were missing but the voice you heard definitely wasn’t theirs. Quickly throwing on the officer’s shirt you listened as the voice continued.

“Did you really think you could come on to our territory, break into one of our stash houses, and kill a bunch of our guys?”

“I think the real question you should be asking is how easy it was for me and my guys to break in.”, Eddie responded angrily. 

“Shut the fuck up, trailer trash! You think because you moved out here and took over Al’s business, you’re different but you aren’t. You’re still that garbage that he left behind with his brother before you suddenly decided you wanted in. Ah ah ah! Don’t make me shoot you, Steve. I have no problem killing a law man.”

“If you’re not here to kill us, Andrew, then what do you want?”, Steve spat.

Glancing quickly around the room, you realize his gun was still in its holster near your nightstand and as quietly as you could pulled it from its home. Tip toeing out into the hallway, you held it in front of you as you peaked around the corner. 

The person you didn’t recognize had his back to you as he pointed his own pistol at Eddie and Steve who both had their hands raised where he could see them. 

“Jason just wants Edward so we can make an example of him and what happens when you cross the Carvers.”

“I think you underestimate the Munsons, Andy.” Slowly, you creeped up behind him, praying he wouldn’t turn around. “Unfortunately for you, I’m not going anywhere. I hope Jason understands that this wasn’t a good move.”

“Yeah well, you can tell him yourself. Now come on or I will shoot him.”, Andrew threatens as he points his weapon Steve.

“Not if we shoot you first.”

At Eddie’s words, you cock the gun and pull the trigger.

##############

[that-ari-blogger]

Efficient Writing At Its Best

Is it me, or is there a noticeable jump in quality in No Princess Left Behind? As in, the animation budget seems to double between episodes, the cinematography is stellar, the humour is incredible. And the writing itself becomes so much more enthralling.

What gets me about this jump is that She Ra and the Princesses of Power was already a fantastic show. Each element I mentioned above is already firing on all cylinders. You would think that this show cannot improve any further, but in this episode it does.

Promise is lauded as some of the best She-Ra has to offer. And don't worry, I will get there. But No Princess Left Behind is my favourite episode of the show by far and one of my favourite episodes of television. This is the episode She Ra stops being merely an incredibly well-made show, and starts to become art.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First up, format. This episode is a prison break and both a condensed monomyth and a miniaturised tragedy. None of these things make it great on their own, that's not how writing works. But they are written with incredible nuance derived from character, setting, and the intersections of those tropes.

A prison break is a self-explanatory story structure. A character is imprisoned and either doesn't want to be or has allies who don't want them to be. In the case of the external help variation, as with this episode, the plot functions as a medicine journey with the object of significance being the ally on the inside. (A medicine journey is just a journey to a place to retrieve a thing).

Monomyth is another term for the Hero's Journey. And there are two things about this that need to be understood: The Hero's journey is a set of guidelines, and the Hero's Journey is fluid. By which I mean, the format of the monomyth isn't set in stone, and if a story doesn't follow the specific set of rules you have found, that's not a fault.

In essence, the Monomyth is a set of common events that link multiple stories. Originally proposed in Joseph Campbell's A Hero With A Thousand Faces, the format has been changed over time through interpretation and through people leaving out Campbell's... biases (Misogynistic is an understatement for this guy). The form I am most aware of includes elements such as crossing the threshold, the darkest hour, and the metaphorical death and rebirth, all of which this episode hits in quick succession. If you want more details about the monomyth, I advise reading Campbell's book, or this article by Owlcation. TedEd also has a neat video on the subject.

A tragedy is the most well-known story type. Or rather, you say tragedy, and people generally get what you are talking about. It's a story with a sad ending. But there is more complication than that. Beginning in Ancient Greece, a tragedy is a way of experiencing powerful emotions in a safe environment. Loss, pain, hope, joy. A tragedy is a rollercoaster and is an incredibly good way of achieving that effect. To the point where stories that aren't tragedies (Like She-Ra) are frequently written as them and subverted at the last possible moment. OSP has a video going into detail, but in the interest of this analysis being shorter than a Tolstoy book, the words to understand are these:

Hamartia - Fatal flaw

Peripetea - Reversal of fortune

Catharsis - Emotional release

Bear these in mind because these are situational, and I will be talking about how in a moment. The point is this episode is incredibly efficient at showing each character's strengths and weaknesses and having them affect the plot. Each character has some moments to shine, and that final gut punch is caused by the characters' mistakes. Thats why it hurts, because it was both unlucky and inevitable.

Mermista and Sea Hawk steal the show for me, for completely opposite reasons.

I have always believed, somewhat falsely, that the most well written scenes are those with less dialogue, because the rest of the acting can speak for itself. The minour acting and surroundings can shine if there is less dialogue to distract. Mermista is an example of this, but also an example of why this belief is wrong.

Mermista is the queen of subtlety, with so much emotion and meaning being portrayed by so little. She is exaggerated, sure, but she is a lot more subdued than the entire rest of the cast. What she does have, is expression. In the sewer scene, her head is the only thing visible, and she has more character on display in twenty-two seconds than Swiftwind has in the whole series. She doesn't even speak.

But when Mermista does speak, there is something fascinating happening here. Mermista's lines are saying a completely different thing to her animation, actions, and even the inflection of how those lines are delivered. Mermista goes out of her way to put up a facade of not caring, but she is remarkably affected by her surroundings and the people around her.

For example, despite herself, she grows attached to Entrapta, and gets excited when they work as a team. But I find this gesture so much more revealing. She tears up. But instead of crying, she quietly turns away and dries them. Mermista's Hamartia is also her greatest strength, her distance. She is pragmatic, but she pushes herself too far away to help.

Meanwhile Sea Hawk is a TTRPG bard. This isn't even subtle.

For those who don't know, in DnD and Pathfinder, a bard is a charisma-based class that plays support most of the time (although you can build it in whatever way you want, this is how the class is designed). This means that they often end up as the party face and the glue of the group. There is a prominent live show in which a Bard leaves the party, and it shows off my point exactly.

Sea Hawk is easily the most charismatic character on the group, a fact he uses in a really interesting way. For one, he's distracting. His fast talking keeps Scorpia from being a problem for the group, and in every fight he is in in this episode, his primary role is to distract or annoy his opponents. He doesn't deal much damage, but he keeps himself as a piece on the board that gets on people's nerves and gets them to make mistakes.

Sea Hawk's constant babble is doing another thing for the group. He's reassuring and comforting. His number one priority at all times (successfully or not), is to keep everyone's spirits up. Sea Hawk is a master of inspiring. And would you look at that, DnD and Pathfinder have that as a core ability (Bardic Inspiration and Inspiring Performance respectively).

So, what is Sea Hawk's weakness? His optimism. I don't mean this as "optimism is foolish", I mean that Sea Hawk's hamartia is, much like Mermista, his greatest strength. Sea Hawk is always looking forwards, always keeping the group moving. When someone stops, it doesn't occur to him to look back until it is too late.

Glimmer and Bow are similar characters to each other, and it is in how they react to stress that that is shown. Both are resilient, but where one is resourceful, the other is relentless.

Bow is a simple character, in comparison to everyone else. Psychologically and physically. He doesn't have powers that can be restricted or that can get him out of trouble. What he does have, is his mind. Bow is clever and resourceful, and he works out a way of getting the right information while imprisoned so that the group doesn't have to work on that later.

Bow thinks big picture, once again his greatest strength and greatest weakness. He can strategize really well, but he doesn't expect the little things. Like Adora's surrender, or like the tiny detail that he overlooks: Entrapta likes robots. It's so small and so natural to him that he takes it for granted.

Glimmer's fatal flaw is obvious already. It's her stubbornness that got everyone into this situation, and that directly causes the end result. This is Glimmer's fault. But Glimmer's stubbornness isn't always a bad thing.

"It's a shame the toll this rebellion has taken on your family. First you loose your father and now..."

"She-Ra will stop you."

"There is no She-Ra!"

Shadow Weaver is a character who specialises in messing with people's minds. She enjoys control, and routinely underestimates the power of determination. To her all those around her are weak willed. But say what you want about Glimmer, the one thing she is not, is weak willed.

I love the line above because it is the first time anyone has managed to actually annoy Shadow Weaver. By this, I don't mean the same type of annoyance as Catra is to her, because I don't think Shadow Weaver cares about her enough to be truly angry. What Glimmer does here is win on Shadow Weaver's home turf.

Shadow Weaver tries to demoralise, and Glimmer blinks away tears, looks her square in the face, and remains stalwart. That's why I think Shadow Weaver shouts here, she's furious, and she can keep posturing, but Glimmer has won this little exchange.

Even with the reveal of the sword, I think its clear just how much Shadow Weaver is rattled, and I think this little exchange is the reason for her actions later on in the series.

This is also on display here, as once again, Glimmer's raw determination and stubbornness blindsides Shadow Weaver, and it's telling what provoked this. Glimmer is protective of her friends first and foremost. And here, Shadow Weaver pushes too far, and the power of friendship prevails.

It's a minour moment of the theme for the rest of the series. Love, whether romantic or platonic, will overpower anything.

And finally, there is Entrapta. I don't think I need to explain what her strengths and weaknesses are. She's not hiding either.

What's important to note about Entrapta is that she is the convergence of the plot threads I mentioned earlier. The tragedy is her story, and this episode focuses in on that.

Her death scene is so powerful because it is so unfair, and so inevitable. It's quick, and unavoidable in the moment. Thie is the moment when the cost of this war finally sinks in. Yes, things happen later on, but it cannot undermine the gut punch that is this scene, and the final few moments of this episode.

Peripetia is the reversal of fortune, it is the moment when all of the Hamartia comes crashing down and everything thereafter, and the tone changes. In Romeo and Juliet, this is the death of Tybalt (Spoilers).

Here, the Peripetia is the moment when Emily gets stuck, and those flames. It's the look in everyone's face as they realise what has happened and that brief shot of Entrapta's expression before. And it is that infernal siren.

Catharsis meanwhile is the moment of relief, or setting out those emotions. Catharsis is technically not a part of the story, it happens when you stop watching and reflect.

But this episode offers you time to wind down. That brief shot of She-Ra turning back into Adora is powerful not just because of the music, but also because of how empty it is. There is no closure here, and the audience doesn't get it either. The episode ends on this:

Final Thoughts

I didn't even have time to talk about Catra. She doesn't really do much here, but that scene with the sword is a nice bait and switch. Shadow Weaver is evil, all the characters are at their best and their worst simultaneously and I think that is quite cool.

Oh, and Perfuma. She has an extremely restricted worldview of what teamwork should look like, and Entrapta doesn't fit into that, hence the conflict. I think Perfuma learns to change slightly but doesn't get much time to do so in this episode.

Next week I'll be taking a look at The Beacon, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[corrodedseraphine]

perfectly wrong | #5 you are not alone

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

chapter summary: Although you are annoyed by Steve's attitude, you feel safer with him than in your own home. Unexpectedly, a concerned Robin appears, which makes you decide to reveal the truth.

TW: mentions of: pregnancy, domestic violence, bruises, blood (let me know if I forgot about something!)

The story is also avaliable on ao3

previous chapter | masterlist | steve harrington masterlist | general masterlist

What can I say... It's been a while. I am sorry and thank you for still being here and reading this chapter.

The Harrington residence was huge and filled with luxury, but this could not mask the feeling of cold and emptiness you faced as soon as you entered. You didn't have much time to look around though, Steve immediately led you to one of the guest bedrooms saying that from now on this was your room.

"Here are your clothes for change." he said looking into the dresser. "Robin left her things here because she often stays overnight, I think she won't mind if you borrow something for tonight. Tomorrow we'll go and get your stuff."

"How do you imagine that Steve? I'm just going to walk in there, pack up and leave?"

"Exactly like that." he replied dryly.

"What if he won't let me?"

"We'll go when he's not home."

"It's not that simple…" his attitude irritated you.

"Of course it's simple. We go in, get our stuff and leave. Just like that." saying this he snapped his fingers.

"Steve-"

"I swear if I hear my name pronounced like that again I'll go crazy!" He didn't let you finish. "You can always go back there, but expect Hopper to be at your door later tonight.

"This is called blackmail!"

"I don't care!"

"You can't just make me stay here!"

"Watch me!" he looked you straight in the eyes. Aside from the irritation on his face, you could see something else. Something the sight of which was extremely rare and confusing. Worry.

After a moment of angry silence, he spoke up in a softer tone. "Are you hungry?"

"No." You answered.

"That's where the bathroom is, and you also know where the kitchen is. I'm going to sleep, and you do what you want." he said quickly and left closing the door.

With that, you were left alone in the big bedroom. Resigned, you walked over to the bed, and slowly sat on it, holding your stomach.

When did it all become so complicated?

There were many conflicting emotions in you, on the one hand, just a few days ago you were sure that getting rid of the baby would be the best decision, but now, when you almost lost it, you felt that you had to do everything to protect it. That's why deep down you felt grateful, for Steve's attitude. Here you were safe. Despite the fact that you considered each other enemies by his side you felt safer than in your own home.

Slowly, you felt your emotions leaving you and being replaced by fatigue. Wanting to take advantage of the comfort offered to you, you simply laid down wanting to fall asleep, hoping that at least in your dreams you will be able to feel calm for a while.

It's been more than a dozen hours since Steve left you alone in your room. He knew you needed a rest, which is why he didn't even knock on the door to check if you were okay, since he guessed you were probably asleep. That didn't change the fact that he still felt anxious and worried. The darkest scenarios came to his mind.

What if you lost consciousness? What if the bleeding occurs again and this time it's too late?

Every now and then he passed by the room listening, but all he was met with was deafening silence. Finally, unable to stand it, he quickly prepared some sandwiches, put them on a tray, and next to them the medicines they prescribed at the hospital. Using that as an excuse, he knocked on the door.

"y/n? can I come in?" he asked.

"Yeah." he heard from behind the door. Your sleepy voice was a relief to him.

When he opened the door, the sight of you in the big bed in his house made him feel a strange sting in his chest. However, it was not the sting of hatred that very often accompanied him when he saw you. This time it was something that made him feel…emotional.

"I brought you something to eat and medicine. Don't forget to drink water, it's important." He said and put the tray next to you on the bed.

"Thank you." you replied quietly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. "Do you need anything?"

"How long did I sleep?" you asked.

"Several hours."

"Oh my God…"

"What?"

"I didn't go to work! Robin is going to kill me!" you abruptly jumped out of bed.

"Hey!" he grabbed your hand and stopped you before you reached the door. "Are you crazy? You're supposed to rest not work! Robin can handle it, I'm sure she's already come up with at least five excuses on how to cover for you from the manager."

"But-"

"No. No buts or what ifs, go back to bed and eat." he said before you had time to say anything.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" you asked feeling irritated.

"Are you really going to argue now?" he crossed his arms over his chest without taking his eyes off you.

"I need money, Steve. To have money I have to work! Is that so hard to understand?"

Before he answered anything he looked at his watch and then at you. "It doesn't matter anymore anyway." he said.

"What?" you asked confused.

"Look behind you." He pointed to the clock on the wall. "Your shift ended fifteen minutes ago."

"Damn it!" you cursed and resignedly sat back down on the bed.

"Listen, if you don't want to do it for yourself… do it for the baby. Eat the sandwiches and take your medicine, in the living room I've put some clothes for you, and towels if you want to take a shower." He said and walked out of the room leaving the door open.

Only now did you realize how hungry you were. Looking at the food you once again felt like refusing his help and telling him that he could go to hell, that you could manage on your own. Unfortunately, deep in your heart you knew this would be a lie. With difficulty you had to admit that you were grateful for his care and help.

Pushing your stubbornness aside, you began to eat. Although they were simple ham and tomato sandwiches, they tasted incredibly good. You couldn't remember when was the last time someone prepared something for you to eat.

Just as you were finishing eating, a loud knock sounded at the door in the house, and a second later someone opened it and walked in.

"Steve!" shouted Robin. "Steve, this is important!"

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"It's about y/n." you could hear nervousness in her voice.

Hearing your name, you walked closer to the door so that you could hear everything. Your first thought was that she came here to start complaining that you didn't show up for work and didn't even let her know. She had a right to be mad at you.

"She didn't come to work today."

"So?" Steve tried to pretend to be unconcerned about the situation.

"She didn't even let it be known that she wasn't coming!"

"So what?"

"Listen, I know you don't like her, but I'm really worried and I have no idea what to do about it. She's been behaving really weird lately. She's late for work, she locks herself in the bathroom during breaks, I've had a feeling for a long time that something was wrong, but today I got confirmation."

You felt your heart go up to the hail with every word she said. You really tried to hide everything from her, unfortunately it was Robin. Robin who will catch every detail and nothing can be hidden from her.

"Can you finally say what happened?"

"Travis came looking for her. He was drunk started a brawl and threatened that if he found her she would regret not being home when he returned. Fortunately, Mr. Munson was there and helped me get rid of him before he forcibly got into the back room. I'm telling you Steve, this man is unpredictable, what if he hurts her one day? What if he is already hurting her! What if all those bruises on her body are his fault?"

"Robin…"

"That's not all! Before we got rid of him he said something about the baby. About how she won't be able to raise a child on her own…"

"Ah, fuck."

"You think it's true, you think y/n is pregnant?"

Your heart was beating like crazy, almost drowning out the words that were coming from the other room. Each successive sentence from Robin sounded like a hammer blow, shattering your hopes of keeping everything a secret. You felt a cold shiver run down your back, and your hands began to tremble.

You had to face the truth. You couldn't expect Steve to lie to Robin and take responsibility for your secret. It was time to face the reality you had tried to ignore for so long.

Taking a deep breath you went into the living room holding your hand on your stomach, which very quickly turned into a fist clenching on your shirt. At the sight of you, Robin stood up as if she had been stunned, but Steve looked even more shocked by your appearance there. You opened your mouth to say anything however the only sound that came out of you was a pathetic whine. A second later you were already in your friend's arms crying like a baby.

"Oh my God, y/n, it will be all right. You are not alone."

All you could do was start crying even harder. There was a storm of emotions inside you, sadness, fear but also relief that the truth had come out.

Watching from the sidelines, Steve himself felt like he was about to cry. No matter how unpleasant the relationship between the two of you was, your situation and the sight of you in such a state was crushing his heart. He also tried to ignore the thought, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he wished he were in Robin's place right now. He would also like you to trust him enough to accept his presence and support in these hard times.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" she asked when you had calmed down a bit.

"We need to talk," you said heading toward the couch.

Robin sat next to you, holding your hand while you slowly told everything that had happened. Steve sat across from you, uncertainly looking at both of you. Although his face was full of worry, you sensed something more in his gaze - something that suggested he understood you better now than ever before. However, every time your eyes met, you quickly looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have done something about it, found help." she said quietly. Her eyes became glassy with tears.

"I was so scared, Robin, I still am, I am so sorry."

"It's okay." she said and hugged you. "You're safe now. You will stay here with Steven and me. I still think you need to let Hopper know as soon as possible, but it's your decision…Remember that no matter what, I'm here for you."

"I can't stay here."

"You can and you will stay." interjected Steve. "That's not up for discussion."

"Steve-"

"Y/n, no." interrupted Robin. "You know very well that you're safer here. It wouldn't even occur to Travis to look for you here."

"Finally someone agrees with me!"

"I swear to God, Harrington, not now!" Robin roared. "Where are your house keys?" she turned to you in a softer tone.

"I don't have… we didn't lock the door."

"Shit."

"We're both free tomorrow, we'll go get your stuff. We'll wait until he's not home."

"I can't just run away from home!"

"Why not?"

"He'll be looking for me, he'll come to work, he won't give us any peace knowing that you're protecting me."

"I'm not afraid of him, I've fought worse monsters than him."

"Robin…"

"Can you please trust us?"

You could have trusted both of them with your life. Even Steve, who treated you as an enemy saved it more than once. You knew that the only harm he could do to you was in the verbal way. Although he was often hard and harsh on you, over the past few days he had shown that he was able and willing to help you, willing to protect you. Why, you had no idea however, you slowly felt tired of rejecting him over and over again. Robin, as always, was your rock, ready to stand up to anyone who might hurt you.

"Can you please trust us?" Robin repeated, her voice was soft but firm.

You remembered all the moments when Steve saved you, when, against all his faults, he stood by your side. You remembered Robin, always loyal, always ready to make sacrifices.

"I trust you. Both of you." you sighed.

"You are not alone." she whispered in response.

When Robin left, leaving you with a sense of relief, you decided to get some fresh air and go out into the garden. The sun was slowly going down towards the horizon, coloring the sky with shades of orange and pink. You sat down on a wooden bench, and Steve took the seat next to you, somewhat uncertainly. For a while you were both silent, immersed in the silence and beauty of the sunset. Finally, he broke the silence.

"I'm glad you told Robin the truth," he began, looking ahead. "You can't imagine how hard it would have been for me to lie to her."

You looked at him sideways, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. Did he really want to lie to her to protect you? "I know, I'm sorry I put you in this situation. It is all so…complicated."

He sighed, combing his hand through his hair. "You don't have to apologize. I understand why you didn't want to tell anyone. But now that Robin knows…it might be a little easier. We're in this together."

"Thank you."

"Just to make things clear… I don't hate you, okay? Let's start over, the more I think about it the more I get the feeling that all this hate between us was somehow one big misunderstanding, I don't even remember why it was all like that."

When you heard his proposal, you felt surprised. You did not expect such a turn of events, but at the same time you felt that this could be a chance for a new beginning. "Let's have a fresh start. It may not be easy, but I think we both need it." He added and extended his hand toward you, as if to seal your new agreement. After a moment of hesitation you took his hand, feeling the warmth and strength in his embrace.

When you got home you immediately went to bed. You felt your heart beating faster at the thought of what the future would bring. Your situation was complicated, and living life with Travis had left deep wounds in you. You didn't know if you would ever be able to completely free yourself from them.

Steve, on the other hand, the last thing he thought about before falling asleep was that he was glad that for the first time in a long time he wasn't falling asleep alone in that big house.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @tlclick73 @sheisjoeschateau @hollandweather @lma1986 @scarletwitchwhore @freezaz123 @ihatepeanutss @joekeerysmoles

[nerves-nebula]

Emotional neglect/abuse is so tricky cause what do you even say. My parents never said they loved me? That’s not true. They hit me? Also not necessarily true. They didn’t care about our education or future? They probably cared more about me getting into college than any other part of my life. They wanted me to succeed, they would brag about our achievements and my mom loved posting online whenever one of us got accepted to a college or got a scholarship.

It’s easier to talk about the physical stuff. show pictures of the conditions we lived in, tell stories about how my mom never gave us medicine when we were in pain, or how she let our brother terrorize and abuse us. How I would starve myself all day because I couldn’t stomach anything, and she’d just glare and get annoyed when I mentioned that I hadn’t eaten.

It’s easier to explain what’s wrong there.

It’s harder to explain that she used to kiss us goodnight, and tuck us in, and sing to us, and that none of that was enough. How do I explain that what hurts even more is that she did say she loved me, it just wasn’t true. She probably thinks she loves me. And what an awful kid I am, to not believe her when she says it.

But I’ve trusted her before, I’ve trusted her over and over thinking “surely this time she’ll see how serious I’m being. This time she won’t laugh, or say it’s stupid, or just something I should get over. She’s insisting that I tell her, so she won’t laugh this time. She can’t. She wants to know what’s wrong. This time it’ll be serious enough. This time.”

The most succinct way I can put it is that she loves her child. The idea of someone who is her kid. Not me, though, never me. Never a real person.

I think I was 12 when I figured it out. I figured out what love meant to me, and respect was key. Without it, any stalker on the street or abusive husband could claim that their love was the real deal, and I didn’t want that. Of course that made me realize that I couldn’t give my parents a pass on this one. They didn’t love me, they loved me in their own screwed up ways sure, but if I validated that as real love then a stalker or possessive boyfriends love would be just as valid. It hurt, and I was small, but it didn’t hurt that much worse than anything else and I was already in pain.

How do I explain that she went through all the motions a good parent should, that she hugged me when I cried about how I’d wanted to kill myself (forced me to hug her, wouldn’t let me go until I hugged her, I still remember trying to pull away three times before giving up- something about that is biblical I think. I still remember feeling like an animal was dying on its way down my throat, halfway lodged in my chest, when I realized the hug was about her and not me. It was about her feeling better, giving herself closure. Making herself feel like a better mom. “You knew I wanted to kill myself? and you never did anything?” “What was I supposed to do, you were always in your room.” I still hate being touched. Hugs are difficult, no matter how much I want them.)

It takes an essay to explain it. My parents are ghosts to me. Ghosts that text me nonsense every now and then and ask for updates. I give them the bits and pieces they’re asking for, because I can’t bring myself to be as cruel to them as they were to me.

meeting them face to face make me sweat. I shut down. I feel tired immediately. (aren’t you always tired?) I’m not safe with them (ok, but you’re not safe anywhere) I can’t rely on them. They will lash out if they don’t get what they want. They’ll twist anything they can. They’ll shout and badger and laugh and mock.

They’re the ones who told me not to be stupid, because if I’m stupid then I deserve whatever happens to me. They’re the ones who fueled my agoraphobia (everyone will kill you given the chance, if only you could stop being so strange) and blame me for never leaving the house.

I buried any idea of them being there for me, being people I could rely on, when I was 13. because I knew they would kill me if I didn’t.

My parents are ghosts who text me, or monsters using the faces of my dead protectors to torment me, or two very dysfunctional very disappointing people who should never have gotten married or had kids.

God I wish parents were real.

[mint-yooxgi]

{9} - Morning Mist - Yandere!Dragon!Ateez X Chubby!Reader

Yandere AU & Dragon AU

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst

Pairing: Ateez X Reader 

Words: 4,005

Warnings: Death mentioned. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: So, this chapter ended on a different note than I was expecting, but I promise Mingi, Yeosang, and Seonghwa are all going to get their times to shine real soon!! I’m planning Mingi and Yeosang next chapter, and then Hwa after that, so stay tuned!! But hey, look at me go! Two chapters in one day? Amazing!! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!! Enjoy~

Also, gentle reminder that I do not do tag lists.

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Mini Masterlist

The glare Mingi sends them two weeks later as he watches five males prepare to leave for the evening is near comical. He’s irritated, that’s for sure, but it looks more like a pout than anything else.

“You can come, too, if you want,” Wooyoung offers, a knowing look to his gaze as he pushes open the front door.

“I don’t understand why you all insist on eating with them when we have food here at home.” Mingi grumbles, practically throwing a scoop of stew into a bowl from the pot on the burner.

“The Neos aren’t so bad once you get to know them,” Yunho hums, recalling how Yangyang not so subtly was asking him for baking tips the last time he joined his brothers for a meal with you and your clan.

“You’re fraternizing with the enemy!” Seonghwa replies, clearly exasperated as a frown pulls at his brow.

“Not all dragons are our enemies, Hwa,” Hongjoong runs a hand through his hair, straightening any flyaways he might have gotten throughout the day before he sees you. Of course, the Captain of the Hala Dragons wants to make sure he always looks his absolute best whenever he sees you. After all, it’s no less than you deserve. “The more allies we have when we claim the crown, the better.”

“So, this is purely diplomatic on your part?” Yeosang quirks a brow as he leans against the wall opposite the room.

Of course, he will never admit to how badly he also wants to tag along with the five of his brothers. They always seem to come back late, a certain glow about them when they walk through the door. As if for a brief moment, all their cares have disappeared, and their only concern is how much fun they’ve had that night.

Plus, they all get to spend time with you.

For the past two weeks or so, you’ve been furthering both San and Wooyoung’s medicinal training. Each male has come quite far in such a short amount of time, that Yeosang cannot help but get jealous. There’s only so much physical training you can do before what one lacks in emotional, mental, and medicinal knowledge becomes apparent.

You’re right. They should all know better, but how can Yeosang trust you if you cannot trust him? 

He grimaces slightly.

You. An anomaly, if any, amongst all of the dragons they have ever met. Every time Yeosang meets you in person, something new is revealed that peaks his interest more than he cares to ever admit.

You are smart. You are cunning. From what he’s heard from his other brothers who have bothered to spend more time with you, you are undeniably caring. Yet, you were so against them all at first. So, just what made you change your mind?

Perhaps that’s just the type of person you are: unpredictable, with a soft nature.

Maybe, just maybe, Yeosang misjudged you, just as you’ve misjudged them.

“Not necessarily,” Hongjoong replies, smoothing out the front of his shirt.

“You seriously haven’t noticed how Captain has been practically smothering himself in lilacs since last week after learning it was one of her favourite scents?” Seonghwa scoffs, a roll to his eyes. “Pathetic.”

A low growl escapes Wooyoung’s, San’s, and Jongho’s lips. Yunho simply quirks a brow.

“I already have to worry about these two idiots beginning to imprint on her, I don’t want to worry about you, too.” Jongho’s eyes narrow at their captain, watching as Hongjoong quirks his own brow in response.

“If allowing myself to smell like something comforting to her gains us even more favour, then I’ll do it. We’ve yet to see the full extent of her powers, but her knowledge is comparable to that of the ancients. If we can somehow convince her to aid us in our quest for the crown-“

“So, you want to use her?” Jongho sneers, taking a step away from Hongjoong in disgust.

“No, I don’t particularly like using anybody,” Hongjoong replies, somewhat sharply. “It’s obvious she always knows more than she lets on. She’s…” he searches for the right word, eyes flashing once he settles on one, “fascinating.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Captain this captivated by something since he learned about the prophecy.” Yunho hums, a knowing glint gleaming within his gaze.

Mingi nearly slams the bowl full of stew onto the table as he sits down, the contents sloshing within and nearly spilling over onto the wood. “I don’t get what you all see in her to begin with. She’s controlling, manipulative-“

“Watch it, Min.” San’s eyes flash. “Without her, I would’t have been able to treat that sprained wing of yours so quickly. You’d still be grounded without her.”

Mingi scowls, knowing that San is right.

“She’s saved us more times that you realize,” Yunho hums.

“I wish I never had to meet her in the first place.” Seonghwa grumbles, arms crossed over his chest.

“Well, you better get used to the idea of her, because if things go well, she could help us retrieve the crown.” Hongjoong says, walking out of the front door without another word.

“Maybe just try to get your heads out of your asses for like, a day,” Yunho looks between the eldest and Mingi, who both sit at the table now. “You may just like what you find.”

Without another word, Yunho moves to join Hongjoong outside.

“Last chance to come with us for the evening,” Wooyoung grins knowingly at Yeosang, but at the way the male still hesitates, the younger shrugs, “Suit yourself.”

Both he and San exit the house next, San muttering about what you’re potentially cooking for dinner tonight.

“Is she really that great of a cook?” Mingi quirks a brow at the youngest standing across from him.

“You tell me.” Jongho smirks knowingly, eyes darting down to the bowl clutched in Mingi’s hands. “Every time we bring home leftovers, you can’t seem to get enough.”

Mingi scowls down at the bowl before him, and Jongho swears the elder is about to throw the dish across the room. Only, in the next moment, he surprises all of them by grumbling to himself as he scoops a large spoonful of stew into his mouth.

“What?” Mingi meets Seonghwa’s disgusted look, speaking through a mouthful of food. “It’s good.”

Jongho smirks, turning to leave the house. “We’ll be back later.”

The echo of the door slamming shut behind the youngest is all that’s heard throughout the room. Mingi continues to shove spoonfuls of stew into his mouth, an angry furrow to his brow as he chews.

“You know, you don’t have to eat that if it makes you that angry that she was the one who cooked it,” Yeosang sighs, moving over to prepare himself his own bowl of stew.

“I’m more angry that it’s this fucking good, that I can’t stop eating it.” Mingi grumbles, shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

Seonghwa stands from his spot, clicking his tongue in annoyance at his brothers. “You two disgust me.”

For the second time in two minutes, the sound of the front door slamming shut reaches their ears.

Both Yeosang and Mingi share a look. They saying nothing as the faint smell of lavender from that salve they know you make lingers in the air, intertwined with Seonghwa’s own scent. Looks like they’re not the only ones slowly making exceptions when it comes to you.

Perhaps one night they might just take their brothers up on their offer to join you all. For tonight, though, they’ll remain at home, simply enjoying the leftover stew.

You, on the other hand, are busily moving to and from within the kitchen of the Neo’s nest. Ten, Chenle, Kun, and Taeil all help you prep for dinner, the rest of your cubs setting the table. Well, all except one who has only returned home three times in the past two weeks.

“I’m surprised she’s lasted this long,” Mark mumbles to Johnny as they stand off to the side.

Johnny hums, somewhat sadly. “It’s truly a miracle, but it won’t last.”

“It’s coming,” Mark nods, staring intently at the floor in the next moment. “Soon. I can feel it in my bones.”

“Hyemin has lived a long life with the man she loves most,” your soft voice draws their attention to see you gently wiping your hands off with a cloth. “That’s what she told me; the one thing she’s always only ever wanted.”

You can still recall the very day Jisung took you to meet Hyemin all those years ago. You don’t think you’ve ever seen your cub so nervous, considering it’s tradition for dragons to introduce their imprinted ones to their guardians to seek a final approval. You’ve always told your boys that as long as they’re happy, that’s all you’ll ever want for them, and that they do not need your final approval for the imprinting process to be complete. However, Jisung insisted, and who are you to deny your youngest?

“When the time comes, all we can do is offer our support, and be there for him in whatever ways he needs us,” you say, grabbing a basket of bread rolls and walking out of the backdoor. “Those of us that have experienced such a loss know and understand what he needs better than anybody else can.”

“Is he okay to be on his own with her right now, though?” Sungchan voices, having been listening in on the conversation this whole time as he follows you outside.

“I understand you’re worried for your brother right now, Channie,” you place the basket of rolls on the table, turning around to ruffle the male’s hair in the next second as he goes to sit in his usual spot. “The best thing we can offer him right now is as much time with his lover as there is left. Uninterrupted.”

“I know,” Sungchan sighs, resting his head in his hand as he leans an elbow against the top of the table. “I just wish there was something more that we could do.”

“Jisung knows he’s not alone,” Taeyong adds, walking out of the backdoor with a pot full of mashed potatoes. “We’re always one call away.”

Five presences getting closer manage to draw your attention as you nod along to Taeyong’s words. You turn your head just in time to see all five Halas shift back into their human forms, dusting off their clothing as they greet the Neos surrounding them.

“Glad you could make it,” you smile softly, meeting each of their gazes evenly.

“Thank you for always extending the offer,” Hongjoong inclines his head briefly, a small tug of his lips upwards.

“So, what’s for dinner tonight?” Wooyoung happily bounces over to where Hendery, Jaemin, and Jungwoo are all sitting for the moment to join in the conversation.

So easily do the five Halas fit in to the dynamic you’ve always been used to with the Neos. The first few times it happened, it shocked you quite a bit just how easily some of the guys got along with each other. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear they were the missing pieces of your clan that you’ve been searching for without even knowing.

Of course, Jongho makes sure to sit as close to you as he can, while keeping as far away from Kun as possible. You’ve noticed the elder male shooting the youngest Hala glances full of pity every now and then. Looks which have your heart twinging in your chest, for you know he only wishes that Jongho doesn’t end up like he did: stuck, waiting years for you to make up your mind as he sat, waiting in the limbo that is an unconfirmed imprint.

It’s not fair to him, or you, and now, you can sense both San and Wooyoung creeping closer to the same spot Jongho is currently at with you. Yet, no matter how often you brush off their advances, or do your best not to encourage those feelings in them, they still appear.

Some of your cubs help, making sure you’re not left alone for too long with any of the Halas. Though, you’re sure that’s just Doyoung being an overbearing worry wort when it concerns you. Still, you’re not quite sure whether or not you want to pursue such relations so soon after learning of them. Sure, little by little, you’re starting to trust them more day by day, but there’s just so much you don’t know about them, and that they do not know about you.

Is it really going to be worth it, in the end?

Renjun stepping in beside you manages to finally pull you out of your thoughts for the moment.

“You okay?” He spares a concerned glance at you out of the corner of his eyes.

“Yeah, just thinking,” you reply, somewhat quietly.

Renjun quirks a brow lightly. “About?”

“Everything,” you sigh. “Jisungie, my past, the future,” you pause briefly, “imprinting.”

Of course, you notice the way Jongho perks up slightly at this, even if he’s currently discussing which rivers have the best views in the area with Jeno. However, you fail to see the way both Hongjoong and Yunho begin to glance in your direction out of the corner of their eyes.

“You know we’re not here to tell you what to do,” Renjun hums, facing forward and catching San’s gaze, who is quick to turn away. The Neo chuckles as he notices the tips of the Hala’s ears turning red. “I know it’s been a while, and I know it hasn’t always worked out.” He spares a brief glance at Kun who now sits at the end of the table. “But, I don’t think learning to love, or letting yourself be loved in such a way again would necessarily be a bad thing.”

You remain quiet, contemplating his words.

“Perhaps, you just need to find the right partner.” Yuta adds, coming in to stand on your opposite side as he sees Wooyoung not so subtly leaning in towards the three of you. Almost as if the male wants to hear the conversation better.

“In the end, only you know what’s best for you,” Renjun hums. “You taught us that.”

You nod solemnly, a sigh escaping your lips shortly after. You shake your head, nudging Renjun lightly. “Look at you giving me advice for once.”

“I always give you advice,” Renjun nudges back, brow twitching in amusement.

“Yeah, shitty advice,” Yuta snorts, sticking his tongue out at the other male as Renjun sends him a harsh glare in response. “Which is probably why she never takes it.”

“Yet, who was right about the avalanche three years ago?” Renjun hums, knowingly.

“Oh, gods, is he still going on about that avalanche?” Johnny rolls his eyes, slinging his arm around Renjun’s shoulders as he comes to stand beside the shorter male. “You know, if it weren’t for Mark, even you wouldn’t have known about it.”

“You mean to tell me this whole time you’ve been taking credit for my prediction?” Mark turns to look at Renjun, disbelief clear on his features.

“I would never-“

Renjun’s protest gets immediately cut off by Haechan’s laughter. “Of course he did!”

All too soon, half of the Neos begin bickering with each other, both Wooyoung and San chiming in here and there. Really, it’s quite amusing, and you cannot help but let out a few chuckles of your own. Laughs which are music to each of the Hala’s ears.

Twenty minutes later, all of you are sitting around the wooden tables, food being passed between you all as smiles greet you from every angle. Of course, as always, you wait until everyone has filled their plates before taking food for yourself. 

One thing you have always stood by is making sure the people you care for are fed before you even consider eating yourself. It’s how you’ve always been. A fact of which all of the Hala’s notice. Though, what you fail to see is how all five of them always wait until they see you take a bite of your own meal before digging into their own.

“Wait, so Ten really did that?” Yunho laughs, looking between both San and Wooyoung in the next moment.

“Do you not remember how they came home in tears, sweat dripping down their faces as they chugged two gallons of water each?” Jongho replies, brows raised as he stares across at his brother incredulously.

“I thought my tongue was going to fall out of my mouth,” Wooyoung pouts, dramatically sticking out said muscle as he attempts to look down at it.

“What did our dear Tennie do?” You quirk a brow, turning your head somewhat slowly to stare at the male down the table from you.

“It was Yang’s idea!” The male is quick to defend himself.

“Hey!” The aforementioned male whines. “They were Jungwoo’s peppers!”

“Oh, no, don’t you fucking dare bring me into your little schemes,” Jungwoo shake his head, shooting a pointed look at each male.

“Essentially, they grated some of Jungwoo’s ghost peppers into San’s and Wooyoung’s curry the second night they both stayed for dinner,” Jaehyun calmly explains, placing a piece of meat in his mouth in the next second.

“Ah, so they decided to choose death,” your eyes widen in understanding as you turn your attention to the two Neos who both freeze in their spots. 

The colour immediately drains from their faces as they hop up from the benches they’re sitting on to run as fast as they can back inside the house. Though, with one flick of your head, both Jeno and Jaemin are leaping from their seats, easily catching the two males who attempt to flee their punishments.

“Of course they did it on a night when you weren’t here,” Taeyong chuckles. “They knew they’d be punished, otherwise.”

You heave a sigh, standing from your spot as both Jeno and Jaemin force Yangyang and Ten to their knees.

“It was just a bit of fun!” Yangyang attempts to defend them both.

“Think of it as initiation,” Ten rambles, eyes darting behind you and pleading for any one of his brothers to help him.

You crouch in front of them, eyes flashing gold beneath the setting sun. “Initiation?”

They both visibly swallow.

Immediately, a powerful aura starts radiating off of you in waves. An aura five males have only ever experienced once before. Except, this time, it’s directed towards two dragons in particular.

Both Ten and Yangyang’s lips part, heads instantly bowing to you in respect as Jeno and Jaemin release them from their holds.

“I should make you eat some pineapple,” you narrow your eyes at Ten before shifting your gaze towards Yangyang, “and you should eat some kale.”

Both males begin grovelling at your feet, begging you not to make them eat the very foods they despise.

“You’re lucky I don’t shove a ghost pepper down each of your throats.” You huff, standing back to your feet as you allow the intimidating aura to dissipate. You shake your head, rolling your eyes in the next instant. “Boys.”

Turning back around to face the dragons at the table, you notice all five Halas staring at you in awe. Though, there’s a certain pride swimming within both San’s and Wooyoung’s eyes which you don’t quite understand.

Pleased growls threaten to escape their lips as they continue to watch you intently. Not only did you stick up for them, but you did it without any hesitation. A fact of which warms their hearts, each Hala not being able to help but to read into your actions more than you probably intend.

“I’m sorry about them,” you sigh, looking between San and Wooyoung for the moment. “Feel free to get them back with whatever equivalent means you deem necessary.”

San’s brow quirks, and you notice the way Wooyoung grins giddily.

“Oh no,” Yunho chuckles. “Don’t give them free reign for a prank war.”

“If my boys want to play dirty, then they should expect to be thrown into the mud,” you shrug, moving back to your spot at the table.

The whole time, Hongjoong’s eyes never leave you. A pleased rumble of his own builds in his throat at the way you handled the situation. The way you didn’t even need to say anything to assert your dominance, your power, over the others has a pleasant shiver running up his spine.

Perhaps you could teach him a thing or two. Or maybe, just maybe, you could simply rule at his - their - side.

At least he know four dragons who would have no problem with that.

Just as you go to sit back down in your seat, a heartbreaking wail sounds in the distance. The cry pierces the air, full of pain and sorrow. One which you and the rest of the Neos recognize immediately.

Your head snaps up, eyes flashing in worry, “Jisung.”

Both Taeyong and Johnny share a look before turning to you.

“It’s Hyemin,” Taeyong keeps his voice low, and understanding flashes across each male’s face. “She’s gone.”

Again, another wail reverberates through the darkening sky. A lament to the loss of a lover so dear.

It takes only a second longer before Johnny is echoing the call, followed immediately by Doyoung, Taeyong, Renjun, Taeil, Kun, Yuta, and Jaemin. Jeno, Ten, Jungwoo, and Sicheng are quick to add their laments to the cascading symphony surrounding you this evening.

The cries begin to ring out from a clan of dragons who know what it’s like to have lost their imprinted human lovers.

You swallow thickly, throat tightening as tears threaten to gather in the corner of your eyes at any moment. The pain of losing Daisy becomes as fresh as it was that day she was taken from you, combined with the agony of knowing that the same thing has just happened to your cub. Though, with different circumstances, the pain still threatens to suffocate your heart at any moment.

Yet, for the moment, you remain strong.

You spare another look at both Taeyong and Johnny.

“We know,” Johnny nods, the two males already running off before shifting and flying off in the direction of Hyemin’s house.

“Jisung won’t stay there,” you say, looking over all of your cubs. “The memories will consume him if he does.”

“He’s already moving,” Shotaro keeps his eyes closed, concentrating on keeping a visual on his brother as his gaze flits everywhere beneath his lids.

“I know where he’ll go,” you reply, already moving towards the woods in the direction of your house. “Sorry to cut this evening short, but My Cub needs me.”

Before you can breach the tree line, a hand on your wrist stops you. Turning quickly, you meet Jongho’s worried gaze with frantic eyes of your own.

“Is there anything we can do?” The concern he extends towards not only you, but to your clan for the moment warms your heart more than you care to admit.

You shake your head, gently removing his hand from your wrist. Softly, you pat the top of his hand with your own, caressing his skin as a sad smile takes over your features. For only a moment longer, you hold his gaze, expression saying it all.

Slowly, you drop his hand.

In the blink of an eye, you’ve disappeared into the bush.

Jongho goes to follow, only to be stopped by Jeno in an instant. Said male pats the other dragon reassuringly on the shoulder before entering the woods, hot on your trail.

A breeze rushes passed, shaking the leaves and ushering in a silent stillness soon after.

That’s when they hear it. The most heart wrenching cry to have ever pierced the air. A wail that shakes the very mountains that surround them, full of heartache, loss, and despair.

A devastating cry that can only belong to you.

[yellow-faerie]

Could you talk about one of those Doctor Who aus?

Hello! Thank you anon for the ask :) I have a few AUs that I'm currently rotating in my head but my favourite at the moment is the one I just call The Modern AU - it's official name is The Doctor Project but that's not what I call it. This took me a hot minute to write up because it is a lot.

(Also if you wanted to hear about any of my other AUs, I put some brief descriptions in the tags :D)

The basic premise is that the Doctors are all human and a team that worked together for their variety of expertise during the early 2000s to repel an alien invasion and the effect it has on each of them and their general lives. Also the Tardis is there as the only sensible one of the lot.

Some doctors do have more story fleshed out than others, mostly due to the fact that I'm still quite new to a lot of the eu stuff like Big Finish and the books and certain Doctors I would feel better about having engaged with some more of it before getting some proper stories fledged out (mostly because I hope it will give me some more inspiration lol)

I'll put some more general outline below the cut for anyone interested :)

[Warnings: mentions of abuse, discussions of war and the aftermath, complicated relationships to disability, implied torture ]

First Doctor

So the First Doctor is the oldest of the bunch, a retired surgeon and medical doctor (he used to work at Royal Hope Hospital) who was brought into the Doctor project for his research into medicine.

He spent most of the War in London due to his old age making it difficult to run around cities infested with alien invaders but he does get sent out periodically (mostly when one of the others gets too injured to be moved from their current location which happens a few times).

He had a daughter, Gillian, when he was quite young but he and his wife split up, and his daughter spent most of her time with her mother instead. However, he was the one to gain custody of his daughter's daughter (Susan) when Gillian died as his ex-wife had also died.

When the Doctor was conscripted, Susan was about 15 and stayed with their neighbour Steven over the course of the war, and Vicki and Dodo, two girls he fostered as well while their parents were off fighting.

Due to the secure nature of the work that the Doctor Project was doing, she and her grandfather only exchanged a few letters over the course of each year, and they were always heavily edited, and she found herself finding a lot of the emotional support she was lacking from her two teachers at Cole Hill, Barbara and Ian.

When she left Cole Hill Sixth Form, a year before the war ended, she moved back into her grandfather's house but kept in contact with Barbara and Ian who helped her with finding a job and advice on living alone, etc. This would break GDPR and a host of other protection laws these days but it's the middle of an alien invasion, let's pretend that doesn't exist. They didn't know the Doctor at all until after the war when he returns and it's a bit weird for everyone.

Especially since Ian is completely furious at him for leaving his granddaughter alone, mostly because people meet Susan and get the immediate urge to protect her; they do mostly get over that particular hurdle though as more comes out about how the war ended, although the Doctor doesn't help matters much by being his usual grouchy self.

His usual grouchy self made worse by the fact that everything has changed a lot since he had left home. Susan is in training to be a nurse and has these faux-parental figures she trusts so implicitly, and is decidedly more wary around him; he has also been fundamentally changed by living four years in various bunkers while working against an invisible clock to defeat a foe more technologically advanced that they are.

Eventually things do settle down: Ian and the Doctor apologise to each other, Susan and the Doctor have enough heart-to-hearts that it clears the air between them, that sort of thing.

There's not a whole lot of plot to any of the First Doctor's stuff but the vibes and the setting are pretty much in place.

Second Doctor

The second doctor is probably about forty when he's conscripted and he was a physics lecturer at St. Andrews university, specialising in sound and acoustics and waves, that sort of thing. He invented several new versions of sound systems which is what got him noticed for the Project.

St. Andrews is where he meets Jamie, actually, who was working as a guard; they bonded over a mutual love of music, Jamie in particular on the bagpipes, and then over other mutual interests.

I'm imagining they got married before the war (as this is an alternate history anyway, I'm making gay marriage legal earlier because no-one can stop me) when Jamie went on to fight in the army and the Doctor got conscripted into the project. Both of them being in different deployments so regularly meant letter writing was even more difficult.

After the war, the Doctor gives up the whole lecturing thing, as the project had left him with a bad taste in his mouth over the work he had been doing. Instead, he takes his knowledge of music and goes into conducting an orchestra, as well as giving music lessons on the side.

In like...any instrument; he's not even very good at playing a lot of them but he has the technical know-how to make someone else very good at playing them, if they can get past his eccentricities.

Zoe is the first violin in the orchestra who he gives personal tutoring too in a vague attempt to get her to put some feeling into her music. She's technically very brilliant and knows her way around most string instruments with almost military precision, but she was taught in a very wooden way and the Doctor is attempting to bring that out of her.

Victoria, on the other hand, takes piano lessons from him except she's around like four times a week and barely ever actually plays the piano and they always give her supper because her home life is...not the greatest. Her father's very absent and her mother's dead. It's all a bit iffy.

Eventually, Jamie probably calls Social Services who are overstretched in the aftermath of the war as it is, but she manages to find herself to a very nice foster family (the Harris') who make sure she keeps having her piano lessons. Although they continue not to really be piano lessons.

[I feel that I should put a note on Ben and Polly here; they are sort of known to both One and Two as Polly is Barbara's niece (and quite close to her aunt) and Ben is Two's half brother (but not that close all things considered) - they are the sort of people who come around for birthdays and Christmas and the one off weekend, and give you very thoughtful advice and presents, but that's sort of the limit of your relationship with them.]

Third Doctor

The Third Doctor studied chemistry at university, trying out multiple different branches, and had managed to get noticed for a variety of things such as creating a few new medications, discovering the compounds of some rarer chemicals, that sort of thing (I will admit, I don't know what makes a chemist famous).

Sarah Jane is his younger sister by about twenty years: when she was younger, she had a bit of a hero worship of him going on but nowadays she's much more sensible.

He worked at Cambridge with Liz before the war, and a lot of the breakthroughs they made together; they (and by they I mean the Doctor has while Liz is facepalming in the background) have a bitter rivalry with the Oxford researcher Emil Masters (the Delgado Master).

They are married but they keep that out of their professional rivalries.

After the war, however, the Doctor stays with UNIT. He's the only one of the doctors to do this and it's mostly because he doesn't trust that unit won't make terrible decisions with the research the Doctor Project produced, so he stays as a Scientific Advisor and pokes his nose into everyone's business to keep his conscience clean.

Jo is his assistant as per canon, only now she is being invited around for supper four times a week at his house and is probably inheriting everything that both the Master and the Doctor own when they eventually die.

They turn up to her wedding to Cliff when her parents don't.

Once again, this is incredibly vibes based rather than very much plot; there's probably going to be something to do with Jo falling out with her family, but that's about as far as I got with it. It's mostly fluff at this point lol.

[Also a note about the incarnations of the Master: while the doctors aren't actually related, the incarnations of the Master are because I find that entertaining, and also there are less of them]

Fourth Doctor

The Fourth Doctor is an environmental activist before the war! He got a PhD in ecology and then proceeded to throw away a promising career in academia (his parents' words) to gallivant around the planet doomsday prophesying.

What he's actually doing is blackmailing people into implementing climate saving machines, etc. so that he isn't Doomsday prophesying; he actually meets Sarah doing this because they both get thrown in prison for getting nosy around a nuclear power plant and thus is the start of a beautiful friendship/relationship, it's really unclear to everyone else.

He has two sisters; Winifred (although everyone calls her Fred) who is Romana I, and Romana who is Romana II. Romana turns 18 just before the war and Fred turns 25 around the same time, while the Doctor is 30ish.

Romana immediately joins MI6 (she had always wanted to be in the secret service) and the Doctor gets roped into the Doctor project, which means that when Fred dies during the war, neither of them get informed for months due to the lack of proper communication channels.

This is something they both feel very guilty about, especially considering the fact that they have two nephews who got immediately lost in the overworked system without any other relative around who could look after them.

Anyway, also during the war, the Doctor gets captured by the aliens, and held for a good few months; he barely ever acknowledges that this ever happened to anyone, even when he is literally hospitalised after rescue. He just...pretends that everything is fine and dandy actually.

His doctor is actually Harry who then gets roped into the whole Very Secret Doctor Project thing for like a month until the Doctor was determined to no longer need constant observation etc and then he's just sent back to his ship.

However, Harry has better communication with home than the Doctor, and also shore leave, so he's sent to basically tell Sarah Jane that the Doctor is alive and alright - they immediately hit it off and so after the war, Harry and she hang out a lot until he's also living in the house with her, the Doctor and their gaggle of foster children (their are a lot of orphans after the war and so the three of them foster).

The actual content of their relationship is debateable - they could be a throuple, it could be that two of them are a couple and the other is third wheeling like a boss, it could be that none of them are romantically involved at all - but they do care for each other a lot.

Also the children are Luke and Sky from SJA and Leela, who's probably about 16. They have a dog, too, called K9 because the Doctor has called every dog he has ever owned since he wasa child K9, and just added a MK on the end; currently they're on Mk IV.

After the war, they just sort of settle back into what they were doing before; Sarah Jane writes for her newspapers and magazines, Harry takes up a civilian doctor's position again at New Hope and the Doctor returns to blackmailing people into Doing Better, only none of them are all that alright after the war and hiding it affects how well they are with other people.

There are some arguments had, mostly with the Doctor and Sarah Jane as Harry is much more mild mannered - with each other, with various siblings, with annoying work colleagues - until they at least admit that something is wrong, and then they go from there.

Fifth Doctor

The Fifth Doctor is the computer guy. He studied computer science at university and as well as developing quite a lot of high level software, he also developed cheaper hardware storage stuff.

With a lack of people I wanted to make him related to, I made him a Cranleigh - I think this was so he could go to boarding school and hate literally everything about it apart from cricket. His notes say that he cuts most communication with his family after going to university so they're not that important to the story.

During the war, he gets caught under a collapsing building at one point which causes nerve damage to his spine which affects the communication between his legs and his brain, periodically causing the connection to short out and his legs to collapse; the collapsed building also means that he can get quite a lot of pain in his legs, and should really be using crutches (only he forgets to bring them with him a lot).

Before the war, he works for some sort of big tech company who fund a lot of his research but after the war he doesn't particularly want to do research any more - nor work for a big tech company - and goes on to lead the IT department at Royal Hope. Which consists of Turlough (who is there because he needs a job after school and he heard that IT jobs were really easy actually) and possibly a few other characters (I've heard of some that exist in audio format, so when I get there, I may edit this).

He also fosters two kids in the aftermath of the war: Adric, who's mother was Fred and who's older brother died in the time that they were lost in the foster system, and Nyssa, who's father Tremas Masters (the Ainley Master) got imprisoned for murdering both of his wives and very sweetly asked his old university roommate if he might very kindly look after her for him.

Tegan is Nyssa's girlfriend and is subsequently always around at their house, to the point that the Doctor just gave her a key and makes supper expecting that she'll be there.

As for Peri, she and the Doctor meet at the local garden centre, and now she comes around to help look after his garden because her apartment is too small for a proper one (she and Six keep saying that they're saving up for an actual house but that might be a commitment too far).

There are the inklings of an actual plot idea I had here? In my head, somehow the Master escapes prison and intends on escaping the country with his daughter, only the Doctor is like no??? You can't do that to Nyssa??? And someone gets hospitalised.

[A note about Royal Hope, and also Cole Hill, and other reoccurring places: occasionally, the characters coincidentally working at these places is an actual coincidence, but the rest of the time it's because the Tardis has a lot of sway with people and she is always pushing the doctors and their friends to work in similar places so that they actually talk to each other again.

Or something like that. Honestly it's just plot contrivance because I like putting them in the same working environment, it makes it easier for me]

Sixth Doctor

The Sixth Doctor studies law and philosophy, being a lawyer both before and after the war. He's a really good one too, just really obnoxious.

I don't have a lot for the Sixth Doctor yet because I know he has a few audios that I want to listen to for some ideas, but I am very fond of the two seasons we got of him so here's what I have:

Peri meets the Doctor because he represents her in court when she's fighting her stepfather over something; after the court case (which they win) they go out for a few dates, and even though he's obnoxious and incredibly big-headed, he's also weirdly sweet and gentlemanly and so they get together officially.

Then the war starts and the idle talk they had of getting married/getting a house gets pushed aside while the Doctor joins the project and Peri helps with farm work by using her botany to develop crop something or other.

The war really did affect the Doctor. When he was younger, he suffered from Bipolar Depression but got it under control with medication and therapy, but the war and it's aftermath dragged that out of the depths which definitely put an extra strain on his and Peri's relationship.

When it's really bad, he did try to strangle her (like in the show) which did cause her to leave; but she does come back eventually, after the Doctor calls to apologise, and he does get it back under control.

At some points, it's really not the healthiest relationship, but it doesn't stay like that forever; it's something I really want to get into with my writing and I have the outlines of a fic over the period that he and Peri spend sort of separated.

On a lighter note, some of the other characters of the era! The Master keeps appearing on his doorstep after escaping prison looking for help and the Doctor keeps refusing to give it because he did try to kill Five; he once is a prosecutor against the Rani for unethical experimentation and she straight up sends a hit out against him; the Valeyard is his coworker who hates the Doctor a lot more than the Doctor hates him; and Mel is straight up just his personal trainer at the gym who got WAY too invested in his life.

Seventh Doctor

The seventh doctor is a high level tactician for the MOD before the war, and is actually one of the ones to help collect the other doctors together. He actually continues to do his MOD job while doing the Doctor Project which means he's the only doctor to really have a good understanding of what's happening around the world in real time.

However, he doesn't really have anyone to write home about. He grew up in foster care and it took a lot of effort to get to where he was at the outbreak of war, and so he didn't exactly have that many friends about.

The exception to that is Mel who he grew up with in part and so he does send her the odd letter.

After the war, he gets made redundant by the MOD and goes on to become a PE teacher at Cole Hill; he always dresses like he might be lecturing on politics or history, and stands on the sidelines while watching the students. Or he actually lectures on history or politics; honestly the amount of PE that's done is reliant on the mood.

He also ends up living with Ace; officially, she's his foster daughter, but she's so fiercely independent that she insists that they're roommates and he was willing to accept that.

I wish I did have more for him but I'm hoping that as I get through the Audios and books and such like, I'll get a better understanding of his era and the characters around it to make something a bit more developed.

Eighth Doctor

I'm only eight or so audios into this doctor's travels with Charley, and I have yet to read the Eighth Doctor Adventures (although I am looking to) so this isn't at all a complete section.

The Doctor is an expert in psychiatry and neuroscience, specifically in memory, mostly due to his own issues with memory throughout his childhood.

I'm still debating what the actual cause of the memory issues are, but I'm thinking that it might be because he had epilepsy as a child that was believed to have gone as he grew into adolescence but returned due to one (or multiple) head injuries during the war. I know there are certain types of epilepsy that can really affect the memory.

Either way, the Doctor also seems to be a bit of a romantic and very easily swept up in someone else's life; I see him, before the war, having a disastrous marriage to Grace Holloway which breaks down over four years of not seeing each other and ends in divorce as Grace returns to the states.

After the war, I think that he rents out the rooms in his house which is how he meets Charley, but that's about as far as I can really go with other relationships in his life because I haven't seen anything else of his stuff.

Ninth Doctor

The Ninth Doctor is an expert in mechanical engineering and is the one who does the main body of creating the Moment (the thing that takes out the alien invader's mothership).

He is the son of the War Doctor who's the General who Seven went to with his idea of creating a project to end the war, and the one who officially leads them. He mostly raised the Doctor single-handedly but was not exactly the most caring man in the universe.

The Doctor has a lot of very complicated feelings about his father which don't really get resolved because he (the War Doctor) sacrifices himself to set off the Moment.

Anyway, the Doctor never really wanted to get into Academics and become some sort of fantastic mechanical engineer but his father really pushed it (especially when it became clear the Doctor would never join the army); so after the war, he becomes a sort of freelance mechanic and works with Mickey.

Which is where he meets Rose. Rose often comes to visit Mickey at the end of his shifts because they're friends and live close together, and so she and the Doctor meet regularly there until they are both like...want to go travelling?

Rose was 19 when the war started, and runs the Bad Wolf magazine which she basically created at the beginning as a sort fo morale booster and also because she didn't like how the newspapers were reporting and wanted to make something that wasn't filtered through a hundred government filters; Sarah Jane actually writes for it during the war and on occasion afterwards, and is quite a good friend of Rose's for all that they don't see each other face-to-face all that often.

Still, after the war, sales of Bad Wolf kinda drops off a bit but Rose really loves the magazine and so wants to try something different: she wants to travel so she can see the world, and show people how people are rebuilding and getting their lives back in the aftermath (and help out where she can). She tells the Doctor this and then he offers her his van, and they start travelling together.

They live out the back of his van for years and they're quite happy to do it; they get married in Paris, periodically come back to visit Jackie (who is naturally rather displeased about this life choice they've made - although it's fine because they paid for her to come to Paris for the wedding), and just generally having a good time. They're like van lifers except not obnoxious about it, and when they eventually have Mia, they move back to the UK somewhat permanently (they still travel on holidays) so that she is living somewhere steady and permanent in her upbringing.

We also can't forget about Jack - he was a pilot during the war who also wrote for Bad Wolf, usually entertaining and slightly flirty pieces, and after the war, Rose and the Doctor invited him to travel with them after a few years. When they settle down in London, he moves to Cardiff for a bit on a 'journey of self discovery' where he meets the various Torchwood team (I have to admit I haven't got around to watching Torchwood yet).

He is Mia's godfather (so is Mickey, and Shareen is her godmother) and he dotes on her like no-one's business.

Tenth Doctor

The Tenth Doctor is an expert in anthropology and archaeology. He's Donna's little brother although there isn't much of an age difference between the two of them.

Of all the doctors, he's probably the one I've had the hardest time with.

I know he has a wife who died during the war (I'm thinking that this might be Astrid, for lack of someone better), and that Donna's boyfriend Lee died during the war as well - a lot of people did, during bombings and attacks and that sort of thing - and that with his wife he had a daughter (Jenny) (although I'm also playing around with the idea that he also had a younger daughter, that being Sally - as in Sally from Blink).

In the aftermath of the war, then, he and Donna move in together to help each other out, and eventually their mother and grandfather join them as old age arrives.

Donna meets Shawn in the aftermath and they get on well, and have a very healthy relationship and marriage. On the other hand, we have the Doctor who has the worst situationship ever with Martha.

In the aftermath of his wife's death, he meets Martha who got her medical licence during the war and has been working at Royal Hope since then, and I know that they probably hook up a few times in what is absolutely not recommended.

This is where I get a bit stuck on how things develop from here. I've been getting fonder and fonder of Tenmartha as I think on it more (although Martha does not deserve him) but I do quite like the idea of the two of them coming out of trying to force a relationship and being like...oh we're much better and healthier as friends.

Also, although that epilogue for them came out of nowhere, I do think that Mickey and Martha have a lot of potential as a couple.

There's a lot more I would like to develop here but I shall see what happens as I start writing some more of this.

Eleventh Doctor

The Eleventh Doctor was chosen for his mathematical skill. He's also the youngest of all of them, having just finished his PhD at age 20 as the war broke out.

He's the adopted son of Brian, so Rory's younger brother by a few years, and used to follow him and Amy around like a duckling that had imprinted on the closest moving thing. He did end up going to university quite young (honestly like most of the rest of the doctors) and it's there that he met Strax, Vastra and Jenny who took him under their wing as they were older students.

The war happens before he can really start a job and after the war, he struggles for a bit to find his place, but eventually ends up working with his old university friends in the Paternoster Detective Agency.

Amy and Rory get married after the war - Rory is a nurse at Royal Hope, which he was training for before the war, and Amy is a painter. She always intended on being a model or something like a fashion reporter, but during the war she found painting brought her (and others) the joy that could sometimes be very lacking in such a desperate time.

Her favourite artist is Vincent van Gogh.

They have Melody, although her birth is rife with complications, and so they decide to settle very happily with just the one daughter. She is doted on so completely by everyone, especially her uncle; there's a period when she's like four or five when she is convinced that the Doctor is a secret agent of some sort and gets really into all the spy sort of things.

She makes him play dress up with her and she calls herself River Song because it sounds cool and secret-agenty and the Doctor is her quirky sidekick.

[I debated with putting River Song in as a separate character but I wasn't quite sure what I would do with her? There's potential there for an AU of sorts where she is there, but I unfortunately never quite vibed fully enough with River for her to be a major player in the Main AU]

He lives with the Ponds for a bit after the war, and then moves in with Craig, but when Craig moves out with Sophie, he mopes about it and moves back in with the Ponds.

It's around this time that he meets Clara; she's an English teacher at Cole Hill and her mother went missing nearly five years ago. After trying to get the police to do anything at all, and then saving up the money, she hires the Paternoster gang to find out what happened.

What actually happened is still a bit of a mystery, but she definitely isn't still alive, which the Doctor is the one to tell her the news.

I don't think I'm going to do anything romantic with them but I do think they're quite cute together, so I might dabble. But also I quite like the Doctor being aro and I can see him just living with the Ponds and never leaving.

Twelfth Doctor

The Twelfth Doctor is an astrophysicist. He's spent a lot of his life developing telescopes and astral bodies, but after the war, he mostly just lectures. He's such a longstanding part of St Luke's university that they probably couldn't fire him for anything short of murder.

He's married to Missy quite young, actually, although they never had children; she has spent like half of their marriage in prison though, and now spends most of her time hanging around the Doctor's office being annoying to all his students.

During the war, he did get blinded. It's something he has a complicated relationship with, and does not like it when people mention it around him. He uses a cane when he moves around and wears sunglasses because it hides that his eyes aren't necessarily looking at the person he's talking to.

Again, he has a complicated relationship with it.

Nardole is his teaching assistant, only he's massively overbearing about every aspect of the Doctor's life (only he just manages to be endearing enough that the Doctor doesn't just fire him on the spot).

Bill is, like in canon, someone the Doctor tutors, only now instead of getting to see the galaxy, she has he, Missy and Nardole giving her wildly different yet equally terrible dating advice, which somehow works to get her with Heather.

As for Clara, I genuinely don't know what to do with her; she's such a big part of the Twelfth Doctor's story that I do really want to have her be an important character, but I don't know how. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

Thirteenth Doctor

The Thirteenth Doctor is an expert in microbiology. She's a government researcher into disease for the few years before the war, but after the war, she becomes an A&E nurse. She found that she preferred chaos and wanted something that was less science based but still within her interests.

She's fostered by Graham as a child, which is how she knows him, and subsequently how she comes to know Ryan and Grace, when Graham meets them. Her mother was Tecteun who she was taken away from when she was twelve due to the fact that Tecteun was a piece of shit (as in canon).

She wrote a lot to all of them during the war; out of all the Doctors, she probably spent the most writing letters (apart from maybe Six who wrote to Peri...so much, he spent so much time agonising over writing letters to her).

She knew Yaz from school and they both moved to London after the war - they met up again when they both returned from the war, and they decided that a change of scenery from the place they grew up might do them good.

London was one of the main targets during the war so there was a lot of practical work and training to do in both the police force and in nursing (which is what the Doctor wants to go into); they stay in shared accomodation and volunteer to help with the rebuilding effort in some of their free time.

When the rebuilding is mostly finished and everything has started to even out again, they stay in London; the Doctor has a job at Royal Hope and Yaz has found her footing in the local police force. They visit Sheffield a lot though, and invite Ryan to stay with them a lot, so he can get away from all the Old People.

Fourteenth Doctor

The Fourteenth Doctor technically doesn't exist. The Doylist reasoning for this is because there was far too little that separated the Fourteenth Doctor out to make him his own character in a modern AU; the Watsonian is because there was meant to be a Fourteenth member of the Doctor Project but he died in transit to the first meeting. Out of respect, the rest skip over the number that was meant to be his.

I've played around with the idea that the Fourteenth and the Tenth Doctor were siblings/related/possibly twins but I think this might be more of an AU sort of thing.

Fifteenth Doctor

Obviously we haven't had the Fifteenth Doctor's actual first season yet or much of anything for him (very excited for it though) so this is very much a work in progress - I'll make more decisions about his story after the season has come out and I've watched it; from vibes alone though, I think he'd be possibly an expert in sociology, and after the war he would own a club or something similar, where Ruby would get herself a job.

Notes and Stuff

Congratulations for getting this far lol! This AU is very precious to me and gets bigger every time I watch a new episode/listen to a new drama/rewatch/relisten/etc.

There are a few general things I'd probably note: all the Doctors have like...actual names (mostly John or a variation there of) but I refer to them all as the Doctor because that's what rolls off the tongue more easily.

Another thing is Idris/the Tardis - on one hand, the original idea was that she would die and her funeral would be the thing to get the Doctors back together so to say, but the more I think about it, the more I would like her to live.

I'm planning on writing some fic for this AU and posting it to AO3 - there's a Sixperi fic I really want to write, and I'm a sucker for some family fluff with various Doctors - and I might draw some stuff, so stick around if you're interested :)

I've only been really into Doctor who for four or five months, and with such an expansive EU (and frankly, such a lot of main content), there's a lot I don't know (although I very much intend to know it one day). If you got this far, I would honestly love to hear your general thoughts and ideas on the AU, a lot of the Eleventh Doctor stuff I worked out was developed from conversation I had with a friend!

Anyway, thank you for getting this far! And thank you for the ask to let me ramble, it took me a while to get all the rambling together but now I've finished, I'm really pleased I got here.

[mikuni14]

Last Twilight - Ep 12

I really gave this series a chance, I honestly sat down for this episode thinking, ok, maybe they will save this dumpster fire that was the finale of the previous ep. I really WANTED to like it.

The series went for my throat literally in the first minute 😀 After that everything was more or less torture. Almost every scene, every word felt like it was written specifically against me 😆

Let's start with a nice scene of a smiling Day saying coachy, positive bullshit suggesting that he pulled himself up by his bootstraps, and wasn't literally dragged out of the stagnation and depression by Mhok. A montage of scenes of Day thriving. All of this thanks to himself!

And then Mhok arrives, cue the romantic Halmark escalator scene and………… ……………………. ……………….. Mhok and Day slip into their old shoes, acting exactly like they did after their first kiss scene LMAOOOO they literally went back in time to this episode, Mhok flirts, Day is skittish. Everything that happened is pointless. They act like the 3 YEARS (!!!!) apart, or that horrible scene, or even the fact that Day fucking blocked Mhok didn't exist.

This whole episode killed me because it made it seem like Day was the victim of something really bad and Mhok was the bad guy, like it was all because of him, like he had done something terrible to Day. When Day asks his mother if he can give Mhok a chance because he might do "the same thing again", it sounds like Mhok was beating him or cheating on him????? Mhok thanking for the breakup????????? Mhok doing emotional labor again and winning over Day, while Day pushes him away (but not really) and is blushing and skittish and just takes the attention given to him was a literal repeat of the past and actively made me feel upset, for me it was humiliating to see Mhok like that.

And what's interesting - Mhok after his return is exactly the same, he behaves exactly the same, he is "overprotective" again. But now, Day and the plot are ok with it? 🤔

And this wedding, which somehow was about Day anyway. Like everything. (Night and Porjai in the future: remember our wedding? oh yes, that event when we took DAY to the airport and when DAY had his eye surgery? 😆)

Also, please leave the weddings, the profound speeches, the dramatic scenes, the tearjerkers, the airport runs, and the sudden phone calls about available transplants to the professionals. Soap operas do it so much better, so just… leave it. I can cry my eyes out at these scenes during Bollywood movies because they know how to do it. In Last Twilight I don't know where to hide because of embarrassment.

Day getting his sight back? I'm for it! It wasn't a miracle, just a medical procedure. Why would they deny him that? Especially since medicine could help in his case. But again, it's not about what happened, it's about HOW it happened, it's about the execution (which is also my main complaint about the scene from the previous episode). It was just melodramatic and crammed into the moment to force an emotional response from the audience. And did you notice how flat the scene when Day sees fell? "I can see!" haha, Porjai is pretty, end of the scene. Like???? The series told a certain story and from a narrative point of view, Day's regaining his sight at that moment and in such a way was artificial, so it does not give any satisfaction or joy in the fact that a blind person can see again - I was embarrassed by how cringe and saccharine this scene is. Not to mention the beginning of the episode contradicted the ending of the episode! The story must hold together, it must be coherent, the series should have a central, main idea. Last Twilight doesn't have that, it lost it 2 episodes ago, and the saccharine ending of this show was just a soap opera nail in the coffin.

tl;dr Mhok and Day are back in the past. Despite the loud speeches about development, growing and having a beautiful life despite adversities, the series made sure that the characters end it pretty much the same, in perfect circumstances, without the slightest cloud in their perfect sky 😀

The best things about this series are:

Mhok, my golden boy

Night without hesitation or making a big deal out of it, calling Porjai's baby his. I am a sucker for men who don't care whether their child is his blood. Night and Ha Do Young from The Glory, unconditionally loving their children regardless of whether they are their biological parents -> 💯💯💯

Right now, I'm not even angry, I don't even have any particular negative feelings. I just… I watched the whole episode like that:

[pepplemint]

I really wanted to know your take on people saying Knives’ violates Vash’s boundaries Post July incident and Pre July when Vash was confronted with his plant powers for the first time. Doesn’t Vash’s internalised speciesism play a major role in this and how he constantly denies his plant side in an attempt to be more “human”, to fit more into human society? I’d love your thoughts on this

Sorry for a waay late response, I needed to sit on this for a while.

First, yeah he does violate Vash's boundaries. Boundaries are based on emotions. You can have boundaries that are at odds with what is good for you, like refusing medicine or help or like, even a person of particular nationality talking to you could be crossing your boundaries. Which isn't to say that's a good analogy for Vash, but, yanno. Even if it is 100% speciesism it's still a violation of boundaries, all violence are. But on to me overthinking it -

I think you have a point. But I'm me so I'm gonna need a whole deconstruction to go through why as usual.

HUMAN VS. PLANT

I never really got the impression Vash ever tried to be human (correct me if I'm wrong). People assume he is human if they see him and there's no reason most of the time to say he isn't, because frankly, most people would think he's crazy if he's claimed to be a plant. Like a random modern dude calling himself a living nuclear reactor or something. You know at least somewhat what that looks like, and this dude ain't it.

Even if it's easy to forget due to the almost apocalyptic setting, the story takes place far into the future. There's a lot of technology that we would straight up call magic if we saw it. There is people like Midvalley or Legato or Elendira who frankly either one of them could wipe out a town on their own without touching a single person, or the Eye of Michael that got medicines that can treat any fatal wound in seconds. Being human in this world isn't really what we think of when we call something human.

WHAT IS INSTINCTUAL POWER AND WHAT IS NEW POWER TO VASH?

To figure that out, at first we must say what it ISN'T. So I guess what we got to go off of is Tesla. The files mention rapid regeneration (healing). This seems in line with Vash too, who doesn't have any visible scarring before Knives leaves him, despite us having a flashback-panel of him getting shot. Brad hints while talking to Wolfwood that Vash is letting the scars stay on his body, as a way to take responsibility and not forget. The same should be true for his missing arm - he should be able to recreate it, so it must be a choice not to. So a point to you for the whole tries not to be a plant-thing. But there's also the panels of Knives when he and Vash separate. He has a blade-like protrusion on his arm, that can extend. This means that they are both aware even back then that they can mold their bodies somewhat to their own will, and that's also an innate plant power. And yet -

Vash is mystified by the power that Knives shows him. The thing him and Conrad checks on is Vash's gate, so that seems to be what Vash doesn't know about, which means that when Knives brought out the blade or any of the other situations, it wasn't really the same as using their gate. Could Vash also form knife-arms all along but chose guns for the aesthetic? We know. Nothing!!!! 😭 About how much they knew about their powers or used them or what they did for all those years (a human lifetime) before splitting. And we know little to nothing about what their gate does either, more than store huge power!

What we only see them do after accessing the gate is create negative space (not scientific term, don't come for me). It's apparently not quite a black hole according to Nightow, but something similar that "we haven't discovered" (it's made up in other words). Also when they're unable to control the gates power, their body morphs out of control with wings and shit.

But that can't be the only thing - there's a feeling connected to opening the gate, something like a power surge, a "feeling of freedom". So could it just literally be a power storage? The ability suddenly to use your already existing powers in ways that you thought you couldn't because it took too much energy? Knives says it can be hard to control, but he sure does NOT expect Vash to go ka-boom like he does! We don't know for sure what he thought would happen. Something less destructive for sure, but more than that, nothing. Frankly? I don't think Nightow really put that much thought into it. (Possibly to drive me personally insane.)

Either way....

WHAT THE HELL EVEN HAPPENS IN JULY?

This is what we objectively know happens:

- Vash finds Knives in July with intentions to "take care" of him. Knives greets him and Vash threatens him, which Knives responds to by cutting Vash's leg/felling him

- Vash follows Knives down a set of stairs. We can't say if he's doing it on his own or if he's being forced.

- Vash is put on a medical table so Bill Conrad/Knives can take readings on his gate. This is probably not something he consented to, considering he's strapped down and also asleep. Conrad and Legato leaves town between this part and the next.

- Vash and Knives talks about the "power" (more on that) that has been opened up to Vash. We don't know how much time has passed, but it's fair to say at least a day or even a few. Interesting to note is that he's been given back his gun.

- Vash has trouble controlling the power so Knives tells him to resonate with him so he can help. When Knives also start questioning him about his scars, he goes into defensive mode and aims his gun at his face - Knives still forces him to resonate (by touching his face, this is also how it happens between Vash and the plant on the train), which, honestly, pretty gutsy considering he did shoot him the last time they saw eachother. Vash keeps fighting Knives though, and Knives pushes Vash back onto the floor, which leads to Vash aiming the angel arm at Knives chest and shooting.

WHERE DOES VASH SUPPRESSING SHIT COME INTO THIS?

What did Knives actually try to do? By his own accounts as seen through Vash's perspective, he was trying to help Vash control the power overflow by resonating, at least before everything goes to shit. The gate is already active. The physical force seems to be more of a response to Vash's aggression.

What was supposed to happen? Probably? NOTHING! The gate was supposed to be open, but by controlling it, you would be no different than normal.

Did Knives succeed? In the sense that Vash opened his gate, yes, in the sense that he had any control or whatever he thought would happen happened, definitely not.

What was Vash trying to do? Hard to say honestly. The gate is already open and he's struggling to keep it under control/closing it, but he doesn't trust Knives to help, which means he's fighting him every step of the way. Vash makes it very clear throughout all the scenes he intends to harm his brother though, so it's not exactly surprising it ends the way it does.

Because we can't say for sure what was meant to happen, we also can't say for sure how much of what happened was due to Vash losing control of his powers because he tried to repress them. Although personally, I think it was more he just didn't want anything to do with Knives and didn't understand just how strong this power was when he aimed it like a weapon. (As I adore the analysis of the eyes, I wanna point out that the last we see is that Vash's left eye (the "peace" one) goes blank.) If Vash didn't feel very comfortable in his plant-ness before, this sure didn't help lmfao

WHAT ABOUT THE FIFTH MOON INCIDENT?

Honestly it's hard to put too much real analytical thought into this one because it's very clear Nightow just hadn't developed the story or the character enough at this point in time. Knives is a whole other character, and what he does here makes zero sense no matter how you twist and turn it. He wakes up after seven years of healing from what happened at July, just to somehow immediately trigger Vash into doing the exact same thing AGAIN with only the genius idea to switch sides so he's not right in front of the gun this time. He is still, predictably, shot in the legs and goes screaming and flying.

Considering the deleted page with Legato though, he probably was meant to give off the vibe somewhat of a manic predatory queer. Unfortunately.

As for Vash, he is there to kill his brother. It's probably that intent that makes it as easy as it is to push him over the edge and blow up (again). I mean it's my personal headcanon that the gate is working on (repressed/overwhelming) feelings and the release is a release of those feelings, which means his rage turns into a gun while other times the effects are different (like Knives erasing people out of existence or Vash after Wolfwood's death). But we don't actually have any canon explaination for how it works.

So yes, it is a violation of boundaries, but more than that, it's fucking stupid and suicidal and I'm gonna just pretend he was high as fuck on pain meds or something because the scene makes that little sense from a character perspective. At least Vash gets his memories back and we see his power and he gets less blood thirsty after realising he was the one that blew up July, yay character development (straight into depression)

INTERNALISED SPECISISM

Vash does have this idea that they (the plants) "deserve" to suffer because they caused this situation and left humanity with no choice but to rely on them. And he got a point in that they did, although it's definitely not the entire truth.

The whole scars-thing is a good example of that. But reading between the lines, there are powers that Vash should have that we never see him use, or at least not unless he's desperate (such as the body morphing). He chose a human way of fighting that requires him to work crazy much to be good at it, rather than use the powers that should be second nature to him. As such he never really learns what the extent of those powers are.

I wouldn't say Knives had any cruel or even bad intentions in July, but Vash didn't want to learn what he was set on teaching. There's a massive disconnect between them at this time. Knives thinks he knows what's best because he sees their plantness as their way of protecting themselves, while Vash sees it as what makes them different and guilty. I'm not to say if either one is right or wrong.

But I do think you're right in that most people read these scenes not seeing objectively what is happening, but through Vash's perspective and feelings. Which you're meant to do! But while it is a violation of boundaries, it's also as you say - these boundaries might stand because Vash sees his own nature, or at least anything connected to Knives, as bad. Knives isn't trying to blow up July when it happens, it's Vash who tries to blow up Knives. It wouldn't have happened (probably) if Knives had listened and not assumed his perspective was correct, nor would it if Vash had.

[thegambitgazette]

Expectations: In Which Diverse Stories Have Extra Criteria

CW: mentions of racism, brutality, colonization, more of a vent post than anything informative

As much as I don’t like it, I feel as though the best way to start this off is to provide context on my own background. I’ll get to why I don’t like it in a moment, so bear with me. I’m a first generation born Filipino American. My parents are from Tarlac (and a DNA test shows that we also have lineage traced back to Northern and Western Philippines as well some Central & Eastern and Southern China), and they raised us in a semi-traditional Filipino fashion. They didn’t teach us the language in fear of us being made fun of by other Americans, but we did grow up eating the food, respecting our elders, and practicing Filipino Catholic traditions that my parents grew up with in their homeland.

Needless to say, the remarks that followed me into my adult life have pulled my resonance with my heritage in every which way. To other Filipinos and other Asians, I looked part white, and they would ask for pictures of my parents for “proof” that I wasn’t. True story: I remember one of my college friends grabbing my phone and showing her friends in an “I told you so” manner, as if my race was some mystery for them to crack. It wasn’t. I fully told them from the start that I’m Filipino. My Titas would tell me that I looked “mestiza,” and how many young girls in the Philippines would want to look the way I do, and I didn’t know how to explain to them that I started hating how pale I am because of how other Asians would assume my race because of it.

At the same time, my non-Asian counterparts (yes, majority of the people who made these comments were white) would assume that I was some hodge-podge of all Asian cultures. I remember my high school teacher showing us a Vietnamese medicine commercial (this was a class on medical malpractice, and, if I remember correctly, she wanted to show us how medicine is advertised internationally), and she walked into class saying, “The only one who might understand this clip is Rory.” She’d used my deadname at the time, but you get the idea. Jaw-dropped, I had to say, “I don’t speak Vietnamese. I’m not Vietnamese.”

I know, what does this have to do with writing? We’ll get there; don’t worry.

Around 2018, the term “decolonization” entered my realm of awareness. I would see other children of immigrants from all over the world dive into their heritage and continue their ancestors’ practices. Thinking that this would be a genuine way to connect with my roots (I had, and still have, a complicated relationship with the Catholic Church, so I was excited to hear about other Filipino faiths), I began doing my research. At the time, I had a sizable following on TikTok, and I would post entertainment-only sort of videos regarding my spirituality and craft, and I even had to put out a video explaining why I didn’t go into more detail with the Filipino aspects of it. I wasn’t as learned with it as I am now, and I was afraid of the criticism and backlash others would have towards it. In hindsight, I really shouldn’t have given a sh*t, but the internet, as we all know, is cruel.

See, I use my writing as a way to connect with myself and other people, mainly. Yes, I have a story to tell, but a majority of my purpose is to discover and process my own emotions and findings. I use what I observed in society and how I grew up as well as what I learned from my own research. I won’t go into detail of the racism Asian Americans face nor the brutality we have endured over the years; frankly, if you are not already aware of it, Google is free.

Still, my work seemed to be followed by one main criticism: this isn’t yours to tell.

There were a myriad of reasons behind it. I wasn’t born in the Philippines, I’m white-passing, I wasn’t raised with anitismo, other marginalized groups have it “exponentially” worse, etc. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t affect my writing. I froze. I grappled with what I was “allowed” to tell based on all of these criteria. I’d pull up article after article of what I learned in hopes to justify the reasons for including certain aspects in my work; but because of my own upbringing, it never seemed to be enough. What’s worse, a portion of these criticisms completely dismissed the aspects of racism that Asian Americans have spoken up about time and time again (once again, because other’s have it worse or because there just wasn’t enough awareness about it for it to be “valid.”)

Imagine that. We read of thousands of iterations of medieval fantasies from white authors, thousands of European fae romances, thousands of Greek mythological retellings, and treat it as the default. There is no question of whether the author is Greek or Gaelic enough or if their ancestors played a huge role during the medieval era. Hell, my first published work was based on Greek and Celtic mythology, and no one talked about my race then, whether it was about how white I look or how I'm not white at all.

But gods help us if a minority doesn’t fit the ultimate minority model while telling their stories. To be honest, this was why I started disliking the need to talk about my background; it has begun to feel as though it is more to provide credentials rather than to satiate genuine curiosity from other people.

Yes, I do recognize that I wasn’t born in the Philippines and that I was raised Catholic, but I’ve come to terms with how I feel like that is okay.

First of all, if we want to hear from more diverse writers, we cannot keep projecting this “model minority” expectation towards them. Otherwise, it will discourage other diaspora writers, such as myself, from connecting and relaying their heritage in fear of not being “[insert marginalized group here] enough,” whatever that even means at this point.

Secondly, our history is full of movement, whether it was by our own will, such as my parents’ decision to come to America, or if it was forced upon us by our oppressors. As such, those raised outside of their homeland only further enriches our culture, not dilutes it.

To filter the perspectives of or to project your own biases towards diaspora writers is to promote the narratives of the colonizers. We are valid, and our stories should be, too.

[elliesbelle]

belle what the fuck happened??? are you okay???

long story short (prob won’t be short, knowing me oops):

tw: drug overdose, suicide, hospitalization mentions

work has been one of the biggest stressors in my life lately. i’ve been getting relentlessly harassed and bullied by a coworker (and my boss has done very little in regards to it), and something happened the other day with an extremely cruel parent of one of my kids, and it triggered something in me.

i was already having a difficult time the night before in regards to my ex (had a late night arguing with him and there were many countless unkind words said about me and the kind of person i am), and i was already in an incredibly bad place, so the work thing just pushed me to the edge. so i left work early, purchased a lot of cold medicine, went home, and took it all on top of sleeping pills and other stuff i can’t remember. said goodbye to my loved ones before i eventually went to sleep.

after that, a lot of it was a blur, so what i’m relaying right now is either from the few times i was lucid or from what other people have recalled to me.

live-in ex had been driving around trying to find me after my friends at work alerted her that i’d left suddenly, but she eventually made her way back to our apartment where she found me cold in our bed, and so she called 911. she tried rousing me but she was unsuccessful. paramedics eventually came and they kept trying to wake me up and eventually brought me to the emergency room.

i’m not sure what they tried to do to me in there, but obviously they tried to flush all the drugs out or whatever. i remember very little during this time, just that they had to cut my clothes off of me and i couldn’t stay awake for long. live-in ex was there the whole time, but they didn’t let her in the room until my mom got there and declared her as family (they wouldn’t let her past the waiting area bc we’re not related, so my mom had them list her as my spouse so she could be with me).

eventually, they placed me in the ICU where i was placed on bed rest (literally was not allowed to get off my bed because there were at least like, five or six wires attached to me) the whole time. a nurse has to be in the same room as me at all times, so they rotate these different nurses in 12 hour shifts, apart from the regular lead nurse who does hourly rounds to check on me. thankfully, they allowed visitors, so live-in ex stayed with me for most of it (so did my mom and my dad briefly, but they’re not as important). when they deemed me “healthy” enough (basically they wanted to make sure i didn’t lose my liver or something), they moved me into a regular hospital room.

been in here for the past day or so now. i can still have visitors, so live-in ex, both my parents, and my baby sister have all visited me. one of my coworkers who i’m close to also surprised me with a visit (which was so sweet, i was trying not to cry). they’re thankfully allowing me to have my phone and all (i’d be going insane if not), but i’ve been mostly sleeping honestly.

i tried asking them to not admit me into the psych ward cause i hate being in the looney bin, but i don’t have much of a choice because of the “severity” of my attempt. tried to opt for outpatient, but gonna be put in inpatient whether i like it or not, so i’ll be spending christmas here in the hospital alone unfortunately. oh well.

oops, yeah, not long story short lmao. anyway, sorry for worrying y’all. i really was not as lucid as i believed i was at the time that i’d made all those cryptic posts. i wanted to spend some time writing while i’m in here, but my emotional state has been so raw recently and the past few days being in here has caused me to be a lot more blocked in regards to that. my writing is tied to my emotions, so i won’t be able to write for y’all until i can process my emotions better again.

i don’t necessarily plan to abandon y’all, but if i’m slightly less active on here than usual, please understand why.

love you all.

[paganwitchisis]

"What Love Can Change" Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: Date Night

Rated: E for Explicit!!

Pairing: AFAB Female Tav/Spawn Astarion

Words: 6,432

AO3 Link is here

TRIGGER WARNING -Breeding kink, violence, descriptions of trauma, sexual assault, torture, suicide attempt and mention/idealization, self harm, starvation, depression, pregnancy, hyper-sexuality, and rape.

Story:

“Good morning, beautiful.” Astarion greeted her in his usually sing-song voice, the facade he once in a while slipped on and teased her that she fought so hard for him to drop after Cazador.

“Same to you, handsome.” Tav purred as she felt his nice hard chest. “How are you feeling today?”

Astarion thought to himself a little and reflected on how he was, a bit after such an explosive awakening. He gave a warm smile, tucked an errant hair behind Tav’s ear, and kissed her fondly. “I don’t deserve you, but gods below, I am so happy you chose me. You’re my everything.” Astarion had been so vulnerable the past while that he never built the walls back up. With Tav, though, did he want to? It was true that Astarion rarely trusted when they first met, but as time went on, Tav had done something no one else could do, because in such a small amount of time compared to the span of his life, she had become the most important person to him and the only one inside his heart. It was a surreal experience after so many years being alone, but her company was relaxing and soothing. It was like having medicine after a session of pain and torture inflicted by Cazador.

While still feeling emotional, Tav held him dear and hugged him tight. Astarion reciprocated this hug, feeling at peace in her arms. Astarion buried his head into her neck as he kissed her pulse, his teeth itching to snap down. He resisted, of course, her health still too precarious. Tav comforted him lovingly, knowing fully well what his instincts craved. Tav pulled back and reminded him that they needed to eat something and possibly get partially dressed at the very least.

“I don’t know, my sweet, I really like seeing all of your natural beauty, but you’re right. We need to eat, and to answer your earlier question, I’m doing better because of you. Not one-hundred percent, mind you, but…better.” Astarion kissed her briefly before shimmying out of bed and grabbing their underwear, some comfortable clothing for under their armor, and of course, the armor itself. He filled the tub with very warm water and prepped the bath.

“I don’t think I’ve had a bath this many times in my whole life.” Tav confessed with a chuckle. “All we’ve done is made love to each other since our ceremony, so it seems like a never ending pattern of sex and clean-up.”

The couple began to lazily wash themselves that morning after getting in before Astarion took the moment to reply.

“If it helps, my dear, I do have something else in mind for later.” He smiled at her. “We’re kind of going backwards, but there is something else we haven’t done that I…regrettably, don’t have much experience with.”

Tav was curious and straddled her husband so she could look straight at him as they washed their upper bodies. “Well? You can’t leave a girl hanging!”

Astarion kissed the tip of her nose in the briefest of touches and teased. “I wanted to do this yesterday, before the change in plans. I absolutely can leave my girl hanging.”                

Tav snuck her hands forward towards an unsuspecting elf and began tickling him who surprisingly was ticklish! He swatted at her hands and squirmed in her hold with joy as the water sloshed outside the tub in their fun. Tav stopped shortly after she started, not wanting to accidentally upset the vampire and the enclosed space left something to be desired. Astarion smirked, wrapped one arm around her thin waist and pulled her against his chest tightly before taking her lips to his. After several wonderful minutes of passion and love, Astarion released her and spoke.

“I lured victims back with my body, but very seldom did I ever have a date. In fact, even if I did, I don’t recall ever finishing one. I would usually manipulate my way through it and find a way to deliver them to my… master.” Astarion said the last word like it was a curse. “So, you would be my first. Considering how old I am, that’s a tough accomplishment, and I want you to be the one.”                                                                                                                               Tav threw her hands around his shoulders in excitement, kissed his cheek, and said she would love to go, but that she needed something nice to wear. Of course, to Astarion, anything not bloody would do, but Tav wouldn’t hear of it. It was a special occasion, and she wanted to make it memorable.

“After we get dressed, unless you have plans I want to grab a couple friends and go shopping a little. I promise it isn’t code for ‘get into another mess and need bailing out by my husband’.” Tav placed her hand up as if swearing on a Goddess. Astarion couldn’t suggest she stay with him even if he wanted her to. He wanted her to have a good time and be more self sufficient, only problem was now he was the one worrying about his wife and her needs.

“Slow down one minute!” Astarion settled her. “How are you feeling? Physically?”

Tav looked a little guilty before she replied to him. “A little stiff…and really sore, to tell the truth. Mostly it’s from the sex though, I think.”

Astarion shook his head and he reminded her “Don’t think I forgot either, by the way, we need to eat after this bath, so you can go shopping if you want, but please, humor me and eat something.”

Tav rinsed off her body, chastely kissed the man and stood up, giving a wonderful view to her husband. Astarion leaned back which gave room for her to step out of the tub and dry herself off before he followed suit. They got dressed, ate, and in Astarion’s case, he feasted in the basement with the last living soul. When Astarion got back upstairs, he then figured that at some point that he may have to figure out how to dispose of the bodies. Maybe this time he would set the house on fire, or maybe he would just use the mansion as a place to store the dead prey, he wasn’t sure. Regardless, he had no plans to live there, so he figured it wouldn’t matter either way how many bodies were piled in that death trap. He decided that once Tav went out to do some shopping, he would get to work figuring out a way getting those bodies to the mansion, unseen and disposed of.

Tav strapped her weapons to herself and showed Astarion the dagger he placed in the back of her boot was still there before kissing him and excitedly leaving each other’s company and the room. Tav rounded the hallway and entered the room where her friends lived and was surprised to find that only Karlach, Scratch, Fluff the owlbear, Shadowheart’s parents, Duke Ravenguard, Volo, Withers, and Halsin were there. Where were the others? It was still fairly early so there was only a limited amount of places they could be.

Karlach saw Tav come in and armored up. She went to her friend and greeted her right away, happy to see her! When she saw her confused face she understood right away why.

“There is some kind of contest downstairs about their stew. Since we’ve been parked for the past few days, it seemed like a good distraction. Apparently, Lae’zel bet a fair amount of gold to beat Wyll and Gale.” Karlach chuckled. “I’m beyond full right now, if I had to watch them in a contest about eating? I’d barf. Apparently Gale is the favorite to win though. Something about him eating magical boots preparing him for this moment. I don’t know, I wasn’t exactly following all of that. How are you feeling?”

Tav laughed when she heard her friend’s explanation and she urged Karlach to sit down on the beds farthest away from Halsin. It wasn’t that she had an issue with the druid, on the contrary, he was a wonderful and wholesome man but Tav felt like it had been forever since she had some girl talk and wasn’t hidden away getting her brains fucked out by her accomplished husband.

Karlach sat down on one of the beds that occupied the room with the four beds in it on the other end of the room along with Tav as Tav began to speak to her.

“I am so damn sore, but other than that, I am okay. I’m not where I want to be with my strength yet but with a little more time, I’ll get there. Astarion is making sure I get my needs taken care of”

Karlach almost snorted at the last line and the other meaning it could have. “ I’m sure he has been. If he was a normal man and you weren’t pregnant by now, you would have been my friend.” Karlach laughed as it reminded her of all that had happened the last few days and everything she wanted to share with her. Tav got very excited and started to quickly give a run down of events but Karlach couldn’t make heads or tails of any of it, it was being told to her too quickly and none of it with context.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, soldier! Slow down. One at a time. What’s up?” Karlach who had her hands up defensively released them and let them hang by her side while Tav asked. 

“Promise to never tell anyone else about what I’m going to tell you.”

Karlach chuckled “The sex can’t be THAT good!” she exclaimed.

Tav displayed a large smile before replying to that response. “You have NO idea! Two hundred years of practice, supernatural stamina and strength, plus you’ve seen him in camp without a shirt. The rest of him is just as beautiful! He knows exactly what he’s doing and how to use what he’s got. I’m sore for a damn reason and that’s after we’ve used potions to recover.”

“Damn! You two needed potions? I would have assumed after what he went through, what we all knew of his past that he would have a problem with that.” Karlach questioned while confused yet impressed

“I was worried about that myself but after we killed that fuck face of an old master, he has been coming into his own person. I asked and checked with him a lot to make sure he was okay with all the sex and he assured me he was. You wont believe the stuff he’s been teaching me! I mean, I wasn’t a virgin before sleeping with him but he takes it to a whole other level.” Tav professed. She usually wasn’t one to gossip or talk about others behind their back, especially about her husband but Astarion knew about Karlach and Tav’s relationship. He was told about her openness with her and was asked if it bothered him. Astarion told her it didn’t bother him in the least, as long as it only stayed with Karlach. Tav wondered if that was why secretly Astarion got her help that one day he panicked.

“When we get more time, you need to give me details. I mean, not his details, obviously, but of what new things he showed you. I’m curious myself what could be learned after all this time, but I have a sense you want to tell me something else. I heard something about a baby when you overwhelmed me with information. Is something wrong?” Karlach looked over her shoulder and saw Halsin was sitting on his bed on the other side of the room whittling a little duck, unaware of the conversation they were having.

“No, no. They’re ok! Astarion told me after I give birth and heal, there is a chance, a small and rare chance but a chance I can have his biological children!”

“Wait…what?! But vampires are dead? How are his…I mean….What have you two been up to?”

Tav laughed again and replied “Apparently they’re called Dhampir and they’re kind of a cross breed and not looked upon favorably in the vampire world. Even a spawn can sire them, but they are not conceived often. He warned me because of how…active we are, If we didn’t want to take the chance we would have to make changes after I gave birth, but I told him that even though they come with a lot of complications, I want to have his children. I know it may be selfish of me, especially because these beings still crave blood but Astarion said it wouldn’t be as badly as what he suffers through. They can walk in the sun and don’t have the same weaknesses yet have some perks that vampires have like senses and agility. I just want us to have a family, and is it so wrong to want to have his kids?”

Karlach hugged Tav sweetly and warmly spoke. “There is nothing wrong with that. Zariel spoke of Dhamphir once. Apparently, they are wicked good in a battle, and can live a long time. We didn’t have them in Avernus, of course, but that didn’t mean that devil didn’t have her eye on getting whatever she could steal. It sounds like a lovely plan. I really hope you can have his kid, at least one! I assume you don’t plan to stop there?”

Tav looked up at her very warm friend and honestly spoke. “Astarion said he will be the father to as many children as I want, but I’m not sure how many that is. I’m going to take things one step at a time. First I want to go shopping with you, and then, I have a date tonight!” Tav tried to continue but Karlach cut her off.

“A date! That’s wonderful and sounds so romantic! I’m kind of jealous.” Karlach laughed and allowed Tav to finish her original train of thought.

“Then we kill Gortash with you, fuck up the Absolute, and retire to some nice island where we all can start a settlement.” Tav joked. Karlach knew she was joking but it hurt her inside to hear about future plans. Karlach looked away as Tav prodded her to tell her what was wrong.

“I won’t be around for it. I’ve been having trouble with my engine. It’s…getting worse. I’m not sure I’ll make it to Gortash, let alone to seeing my best friend have her first child or…anything. Life will keep going while I just become ash.”

Tav grew worried and held her best friend. No. Tav shook her head, this could not be.

“You have to be here! You’re my son or daughter’s godmother, you know! If something happened to me and Astarion, you’re in charge!” Tav demanded.

Karlach was stunned and broke out of her wallow to look at Tav. “You mean it? You want me to be the godmother?”

“Damn right! That’s not all either. I have a surprise, but that’s for later. I promised Astarion I wouldn’t give it away! Come on. If we don’t have much time left, then let’s get to buying some frivolous shit!” Tav yanked on Karlach’s arm who smiled and followed the woman out the door and to the streets of Baldur’s Gate. As they walked, Karlach did have one question that seemed to stump her as they made their way to Facemaker Boutique, which was essentially the only decent store to find clothes, and they received discounts after saving the man from the Bhaalist murder plot.

“So I was wondering, and know I do not judge what you two do between the sheets, I just was curious, how you feel about him biting you while you both are getting it on? I mean, I know he would like it, but I can’t seem to understand what you get out of it.” Karlach innocently asked.

Tav blushed and thought how to word this before replying. “Believe it or not, the first time he fed from me, it obviously hurt at first and then felt numb. But when we have sex? It’s like it enhances the pleasure and sets my nerves on fire. It feels so good that sometimes it has made me…um…finish when he drinks from me. It’s so intimate as well. I was his ‘first thinking creature’ as he put it, he fed off because of Cazador’s rules, and aside from the bandits and such he feeds on during battle, he only eats animals or tastes my blood. It makes me happy in a way even though I feel woozy after. Of course, Astarion takes care of me under most circumstances. That day I collapsed, we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves and I just forgot to eat…well…forgot to eat food, that is.”

Karlach roared with laughter and couldn’t stop her full belly laugh and giggle until they reached their destination.

The girls spent a few hours shopping, while Astarion spent a painstaking amount of time transferring each corpse individually up the side and around prying eyes are fast as he could, yet admittedly was still slower than he pleased to stack up the bodies inside the palace. The mansion reeked of decomposing flesh and death as the corpses littered the ground in the wake of their onslaught all that time ago. What was a few more bodies to add to this? Astarion was about to leave, horrible memories making him scowl and he contemplated setting this house ablaze! His hands itched and he impulsively wanted to give it a shot, but he refrained. He needed the building as cover for the bodies. Maybe, once the issue with the brain was over, he would act on his wishes, but for the time being, he couldn’t do what he wanted…yet. One day he will erase the mansion from all memory and leave not even a physical trace of what Cazador left behind. One day, not even his memories will exist while he will, potentially his children will and will create a legacy for Astarion and that gave Astarion a cause to smirk.

Astarion got back to the Elfsong, noting his wife was still out shopping, and smiled. Any time she could live a normal life and get a chance to relax made him happy, especially since things were coming to a head fairly soon. From what Astarion could see, they essentially just needed to wrap up a few small things, take out a hag and then it was time to save the world. The team was getting antsy, knowing they were running out of time. They had to finish everything soon, so having this brief chance at normal life was appealing. Astarion returned to their private room and looked at the time, knowing they would be back soon as their date was fast approaching. Astarion relaxed and laid back on the bed, kicked his feet up and after everything they all had been going through, especially the last few days made Astarion fall asleep. If he wasn’t staying up to make love to his wife, it was urgent matters about their health and safety, things were turbulent so when a moment of calm serene peace came over him and it was quiet, he gave in.

Tav returned back to her new found home since arriving in Baldur’s Gate and went upstairs with her new clothes, parting ways with Karlach in the middle of the hall. Tav smiled and opened the door and to her surprise, found her husband asleep and curled up around her pillow. She was surprised he didn’t lock the door considering how worried he was about privacy and safety in the wake of the present situation. Tav smiled softly, placed her new items in the dresser to the right, and walked up to the elf. With most men, in Tav’s experience, sleeping came with biological reactions. This was something Tav could use to her advantage, but she knew better than to get too far into it because of their date that night. What Tav meant to get at was, even as a vampire, Astarion apparently still had erections while asleep. Of course, she knew this, considering how long they slept on the same bed roll, most days waking up in a twist of arms and legs intermingled with each other. Usually, Astarion would hold Tav, who would lay on Astarion, or use his broad chest as a pillow. It felt off if they didn’t, in all honestly, share their nights together, considering how long they had done so. Astarion usually waited for the others to fall asleep before he would sneak into her tent, or vice versa, of course, but the results were always the same.

Tav glided her hand down his tented slacks with soft fingers and traced the outline of what held up the fabric inside. Tav heard his low moan as he pushed his hips forward into her hand, his eyes still shut and a tiny amount of what looked like drool slipped out the corner of his mouth. Tav wished she could preserve this moment forever as he looked downright adorable. Tav grasped him more firmly finally after aimless touch and wisps of attention to his pressing need. Tav felt this was a safer way to wake the vampire considering all the stresses they’d been through and was pleasantly surprised when Astarion let go of the pillow, his eyes opened into slits as he groggily looked at her and he shifted to his back, his mast still straining his britches.

“My little minx. What are you up to?” Astarion coyly questioned

“I’m trying to wake my husband. I figured this…button, would do the trick.” Tav insinuated and drew closer to Astarion.

“That button started something, but unless you want to be locked in this room for the next few hours, we don’t have the time to find out what, my love.” Astarion drunk her in as he got to his feet, his hands finding purchase on her rear as he tasted her lips.

Tav pulled away first, as difficult as that was, and retreated to the dresser where she gushed about the most adorable clothing she found. Astarion smiled genuinely and dipped his hand down his pants to rearrange himself so he could get dressed without tenting his pants. Astarion was planning to wear a nice shirt, at the very least to his own date, and he wasn’t going to let a hard-on stop him getting ready. Tav licked her lips seeing him adjust himself while Astarion just shook his head and removed his shirt.

Tav began getting ready by removing her shirt and exposing her bra and then undoing the laces of her pants that held them up. Without warning, Tav felt cool arms warp around her center and his one hand dip under her underwear, pausing briefly at her pubic bone and then sought its home between her folds. His other hand fondled her breast from under the cup of it, pulling it loose from the bra. Astarion’s lips were at her ear as he spoke low for her to hear him.

“You know? That’s something we haven’t done yet. I havent made love to you as you stood.” Astarion curled his tongue down the edge of her ear, his breath tickling the small hairs on the back of her neck as he pulled his face back, his hands followed soon after.

“You tease!” Tav accused as she turned around to find him getting ready for their date as he slipped a new shirt on. The man turned to her and took the fingers he had inside her only moments ago and drew them across his tongue and he sucked them and sampled her taste on his fingers. Tav blushed and felt so very hot. Tav grabbed her clothes, and in protest, went behind the divider to get changed, which made Astarion chuckle.

“I’m sorry, you just look so cute when you’re flustered.” Astarion confessed. There was silence for a minute. and then Tav stepped out from behind the divider topless but with new pants on.

Astarion wanted to caress her breasts and looked towards the door and noted it wasn’t locked. He latched it just in case. He didn’t want an errant hamster to watch them again if they ended up with a spot of fun.

“We don’t have much time. If you want anything, you need to name it because we have to go.” Astarion didn’t even bother latching the front of the new shirt he put on together. He took it back off and placed it aside and somewhere it wouldn’t get creased. Astarion went to his wife who spoke in a hungry tone. She placed her hands on his shoulders while Astarion backed her up to a corner of the room.

“What do you want? You need to tell me.” Astarion restated as Tav tried to kiss the man but Astarion leaned away until she gave an answer.

“Gods below, touch me!” Tav begged as Astarion placed his arms on both sides of her head, boxing her in on the corner.

“Is that all you want? Just my touch?” Astarion purred into her ear, his hand dropping to focus their attention to her breasts. “What about taste? Or…” Astarion pulled back, reached for the edges of her new pants, and slid them down with her underwear. The entire time, he did not break her gaze. “I can go beyond that. We don’t have time to explore each other like I’d like to, but we can have a sample, my pet…a quickie.” Astarion could see her body’s reaction to his words and he could see how desperate she was again. Astarion was surprised with himself, to be fair. He kept telling himself they needed a break, that they needed to keep their hands to themselves and they've had sex more times this past few days than he’d had prior to becoming a vampire in total (that he could speculate, because what would be the odds?) but there was something about her, something that drew him to her that he couldn’t stop. It was like they were teenagers or new lovers exploring sexuality for the first time rather than experienced adults. Astarion was jolted out of his mind when Tav yanked her boot off, spread her leg and pleaded to be taken right then and there. Astarion removed his pants to his knees and held her free leg at the knee to give himself a larger opening as he went to kiss her. Astarion moved his fingers to her opening to check if she was ready for him first. He loved her, he would never hurt her with a dry entry like the man who raped her. Finding her dripping, Astarion smiled into their kiss before retracting his hand. As he tasted her, he thrust himself inside her without preamble and at a quickened pace. Astarion swallowed her moans and gasps as he pounded her into the wall and was amazed how more soaking wet she was becoming, one arm held her leg up by the knee while the other kneaded tender flesh and pinched her nipple without pain, sometimes reaching around to the back to play with her ass cheeks or apply a little pressure to her puckered muscle, reminding her of what they did in the past.

Tav was loving each and every second of it considering she was so sure that after everything they did together they werent going to do anything else for the rest of the night, this was a nice surprise! Astarion hastened his pace and fucked her harder and faster than before. Tav clung to his shoulders for balance and because she was going to finish soon. She pulled back to warn him but he must‘ve known already because the hand that wasn’t holding her leg up had went to the front and began to tease and play with her clit, dragging her harshly over the edge with a strangled cry that Astarion claimed and drank down as her lips were sealed to his. Astarion gave a few more shaky and fast thrusts out of rhythm when he spilled his seed in her too. The man threw his head back as his wife peppered his neck in sweet kisses as he came inside her hot space within her. Astarion swallowed hard and glanced at the time and realized they needed to get going as soon as possible. He pulled out of his wife and washed up briefly with a little water and a rag before getting dressed and suggesting his wife do the same.

“I’m surprised you’re not dragging me into a bath.” Tav commented as she kissed him yet again.

“I guess you got to go on a date with me while dripping my seed. That’s gotta suck.” Astarion joked knowing Tav had wanted something like this before. He smiled as Tav playfully pushed him back lightly and kissed him very passionately over the thought of Astarion’s juices dripping from her core deep inside. She’d much rather her husband’s sperm in her than the fucker’s who impregnated her back when she was first attacked. Tav brushed the thought away, determined to try to enjoy her last day of bliss before going back to the daily grind. Tav got ready for the date and with a snazzy new outfit she looped her arm through her husbands and followed his lead to where ever he wanted to take her.

Astarion took his wife to a restaurant off the pier but not to close and not near the Blushing Mermaid either. He may not have the option of taking her to the upper city like he would have liked to take her and where someone of her caliber and status should be, but he found the best thing he could find in the dregs of the lower city. Astarion sat down with her, their legs touching each other as Astarion rubbed his leg against hers affectionately. He watched as Tav squirmed and smirked.  

“What’s the matter my dear?” Astarion asked as the waiter, a half orc handed them some menus. The food didn’t matter to him of course considering his diet but he did order a little bit of full bodied wine and some water for them both. Tav looked at him and replied.

“Well…this just seems so…unreal! We’re actually on a date and I…just realized how inexperienced I am in this.” Tav admitted.

Now it was Astarion’s turn to be surprised. “What? You’re telling me that no one courted a gorgeous woman like you?”

Tav blushed and shook her head. ”I had flings, and I had a few short term relationships, but I never really had a date.”

Astarion leaned over the table, kissed his wife, and spoke against her lips. “Then let us both learn together.”

Tav paused her discussion for a moment to order the Rothe Ribs on the menu which made Astarion happy for the fact it had protein and she was eating.

“For a second I was worried you would tell me I had taken your virginity.” Astarion said with concern “If so, I would seriously hate for that to be your first encounter.”

Tav laughed and held his hand on the table as Astarion took a sip of the wine he was just served. Tav opted to pour some water into her glass and to leave the alcohol for her husband.

“No, no! My first time did suck but my first time wasn’t with you. You know how it goes. Two young people who have no idea how things work except to put his penis in my vagina. He fell out half a dozen times while we fucked and I never had an orgasm” Tav laughed as she recounted her god-awful experience to Astarion who looked offended for her.

“That does sound…agonizing! Please tell me you had better lovers later who actually took care of you like you deserved.”

Tav smiled and honestly admitted. “Well, that’s the thing. I had maybe three others, essentially flings after, and unfortunately they were all almost just as bad or worse. I never had orgasmic or decent sex until you, honey.”

This surprised the vampire, who felt upset for her lack of options and unfulfilling sex. It hurt him inside even worse, considering that the first two times they made love, he was using her, and yet this was the highlight of her sexual adventures. Astarion did feel better about their honeymoon at least, and it explained why Astarion had to explain everything to her and why there seemed to be so many new experiences for her. Tav could tell through the rings what was on Astarion’s mind, and she squeezed his hand.

“Hey.” Tav got Astarion’s attention. “I can see you stewing in your head again. Don’t. Yes, my sex life sucked before I met you, and the beginning of our relationship isn’t exactly fairy-tale stuff, but that isnt your fault. You did what you knew to do to survive which to me is pretty brave. It isn’t like I didn’t get anything out of it either, dear. I never knew you could come from inside instead of outside stimulation. You gave me a crash course education, if you will.” Tav laughed, considering their meeting stemmed from the crashing of the Nautiloid.

Astarion shook his head. He still felt bad, of course, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make up for lost time with this dazzling woman. Astarion was going to say something when a bowl of what looked like seafood was placed before Tav who looked concerned. Tav tried to flag the waiter down to tell them they gave her the wrong order but they ignored her. Astarion was not happy with that. No one ignores his wife.

He stood up and kissed her forehead, before walking over to the half-ogre. He tapped his shoulder, yet the man didn’t respond. Growing agitated, Astarion decided to speak up.

“Hello?”

The ogre turned around, rolled his eyes, and began to walk away. Astarion told him the order was wrong, to which the ogre replied “So?” before retreating to the kitchen where only employees may enter.

Tav would have eaten it, except thanks to the pregnancy, she had been nauseous to the offending water creatures. Tav decided to pass, so Astarion placed enough gold to cover the tab of the drinks on the table and insisted that Tav leave with him. He was going to find her a better place to eat because she damn well deserved something. He had to make sure his family was taken care of and both her and their baby needed nourishment. In the end, Astarion took her to a cafe-looking place just a little further away, and she ate a simple meal there. Nothing was fancy, but he was more concerned about her basic needs.

“I guess our date is a little unconventional.” Astarion joked. “Where were we? Ah, yes. How crazy none of the locals were for not seeing how beautiful and wonderful you were. I don’t understand how you didn’t have a line of suitors my dear, or a harem, should you wish it.”

“I was a lanky kid and I was a late bloomer with puberty. Probably didn’t help I wore baggy clothes and armor more often than not and hung out with the guys.” Tav found this memory funny. “I suppose they thought of me as one of the men.”

“Well, it was their loss and my gain. I am so blessed that I tried to kill you that day.” Astarion kissed Tav between her mouthfuls of food.  “By the way, the healer contacted me before I took care of you-know-what. Apparently, she wants to speak with us tomorrow morning. I’m not sure about what, but she assured me it isn’t anything bad.”

Tav nodded and smiled. After she ate, Astarion took her hand and walked her to the gazebo out by the beach as the sun began to set.

“I told Karlach about being our kid’s godmother by the way. She was upset. I may as well show you.“ Tav linked with Astarion and Astarion grew worried about her best friend. Astarion knew they were on borrowed time with Karlach’s heart, but why would it be so soon? It was cruel and unfair.

Tav looked up at her husband “I’m going to miss linking with you when we kill these damn things.” Tav said.

Astarion chuckled. “Same. About Karlach? Just wait till we tell Wyll he’s the Godfather. They’ll be stunned, but relax, my love. Maybe she’ll go back to Avernus. Maybe we can find a way to fix her engine. The future isn’t set yet.” Astarion reassured her before he crept up behind her and held her tight while she snuggled into his body.

“I hope you’re right, I don’t know what I’d do if she died. I don’t want to lose people close to me…”

“You won’t lose me. I love you, Mrs. Ancunin. We’re going to get a house after we save Baldur’s Gate, you’re going to have our beautiful baby and we’re going to have a great life together. I’ll ask Mystra for immortal life for you and then for all eternity we can be in each other’s arms every night and see the sun rise in the morning. We’ll also have all the time in the world for me to educate you in the joys and pleasures of sex. I’m going to make up for all the times those boys couldn’t do the right thing and make you come. I’m going to love you and love our children.” Astarion whispered in her ear, making her nethers tingle at the thought. Tav kissed Astarion again and hugged him once more. The sun had set a little bit ago and the couple began walking back to the tavern now. The streets were hardly safe at night. When they finally got back to their room, Astarion ran a hot tub for Tav who didn’t notice right away what he was up to.  Astarion had accidentally made the water too hot, scalding even, so he figured she would have to wait to get a nice bath before bed. Whatever could they do in the meantime?

[bungalowbear]

Devil In Her Heart

Pairing: Steve Rogers x dark!reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: mentions of sex, illness, implied murder, actual murder, blood

Summary: Steve lives in blissful ignorance as you new husband until he discovers your dark secret.

A/N: This is my entry for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor HalloCream Extravaganza. My prompt was: the person you married is more than meets the eye. Title and other inspiration for the story came from this song. I had a good time writing it, and I hope you all have a good time reading it, too! Thanks again for hosting, Roo! 🖤

You sit on the edge of the worn sofa with your back to Steve as you fasten the buttons at the front of your dress. The smell of sex lingers in the air of the small living room, so you go to the corner table to strike a match and light a candle. The smell of lavender and eucalyptus steadily wafts through the room.

Peeking over your shoulder, you catch a glimpse of Steve’s toned bum as he stands and pulls on his trousers. The morning light creeps in from between the thin space of the curtains to shine a thin golden line up his back. Your eyes follow its trail upward, past his broad shoulders, to connect to a pair of blue eyes that already look upon you.

Despite your frequent late night visits to the Rogers residence, the weight of Steve’s gaze continues to set your nerves ablaze. The trek from your manor at the top of the hill at the edge of town is always made worthwhile once you step foot into the modest abode. On occasion your nighttime visits even bleed into the morning. Much like this one.

You’re not ashamed to say you find both physical and emotional pleasure in Steve’s company. Especially not when you know he shares the same sentiment. When you first began seeing Steve it was nothing more than relieving your natural urges. But as the years went by you could no longer ignore the way you became so attuned to one another. Every touch, every breath, and even every look on his handsome face you could decipher.

“What is it, Steve?” you ask, walking across the room toward him. You place one hand on his arm while the other gently rubs up and down his back.

“It’s my mother,” Steve confesses softly. “She saw the doctor yesterday. He told her she has half a year before the illness completely overcomes her.”

“I’m sorry.” You rest your head on his shoulder. Your arms drop down to circle his waist in a comforting embrace. “What can I do to help?”

“You do enough.” Steve’s hands cover yours, squeezing gently. “You brighten my day every time you come to see me.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Steve chuckles.

You turn your head upward, resting your chin on his shoulder as your lips form a pout.

Steve’s smile slowly dampens, and he lets out a deep sigh.

“Well,” he pauses, “the new medicine she’s been prescribed costs nearly double what the one she was taking before. I’ve already asked for more work at the lumber yard, but very soon we’ll also need a nurse to look after her when I can’t.”

“I can help,” you plead. You’ve had this argument many times before, but Steve has always been adamant that his household troubles are not for you to worry about. “I want to help.”

“I know you do. But I can’t let you,” Steve declines. “I can’t take your money.”

“Marry me, then.” Your heart races as the words leave your lips. Your arms tighten around him. “What’s mine would become yours.”

Steve laughs. But it quickly halts when he notices your expression doesn’t shift. He easily separates your hands and frees his body from your hold, turning to face you. “You’re serious?”

“After my husband died I didn’t think I’d ever feel the same way about anyone else,” you say slowly. “Then I found you.”

Steve doesn’t react. His serious blue gaze penetrates you so deeply that your hands begin to tremble. You have to hold onto his arms to steady them.

“I love you, Steve.” The words come out so suddenly that you cannot even think to stop them. “And I believe that you love me, too. I can feel it in the way you hold me. The way you kiss me. But if I am wrong, and I’ve entirely misinterpreted, then please put me out of my misery.”

Steve whispers your name. A deep, soft, loving sound that causes your stomach to flutter.

“Yes?”

“People will talk,” he warns.

“They already do. I hear what they say about me, Steve.” You shake your head. “But I don’t care about them. Only you.”

You see the hesitation in his eyes, the way his mind works quickly to weigh the potential outcomes of either answer he gives you. His eyes jump to the door behind you. On the other side is the only private bedroom in the home where his mother is sound asleep.

You’d both been mindful to keep as quiet as possible during your earlier exertions, careful not to wake her. You’ve met Sarah a handful of times while around town and if she suspects anything between you and Steve she’s been gracious enough to keep it to herself.

Steve adores his mother and would do anything for her. Which is why when his eyes drift back to you, his answer written clear across his face, you have to restrain yourself from reacting until he speaks.

“Okay.” Steve’s mouth stretches into a wide grin and you finally let yours flare out across your lips. “Let’s get married.”

❤️‍🔥

You and Steve have been married three months. Though the decision was made quickly, the love he has for you had already grown steadily in the years before. And he is glad to find that it was not the wrong decision.

Though he and his mother are still adjusting to life in a grand house such as yours, he cannot say that he is unsatisfied with the higher quality of living. You have a friendly and diligent staff that includes a butler, a chef, a maid, a groundskeeper, and now a nurse for his mother.

Steve is grateful for all that you have done for him and his mother. But not even your amount of wealth can change the inevitable.

As Steve lays on his back with your head on his chest, bodies sweaty and exhausted from your many rounds of lovemaking, his fingers absently stroke along your back as his mind ponders on what life will be like when his mother’s life inevitably ends. How her grandchildren, if you and Steve do give her any, will never know what it is to be loved by the kind, selfless, and honest woman she is.

“Steve?” Your voice, always there to pull him out of the hole he’s mentally trapped himself in, is a hot whisper that fans across his skin. “If there was a way to cure your mother, would you do it?”

“Yes,” he answer without missing a beat. “I’d do anything.”

You hum lazily, on the brink of slumber.

Steve continues to run his fingers along your skin, lulled by the steady sound of your breathing, until he falls asleep.

When he wakes the next day, he finds you gone and that he has overslept. He gets out of bed and readies himself for the day. The first task of his day is always to kiss you good morning, but seeing as you have risen without him, his mother will be his first visit of the day.

Steve makes his way to the East Wing of the manor. Before he enters his mother’s room, he prepares himself with a steadfast smile that he’s trained not to waver. He opens the door and expects to see his sickly mother, frail and thin. But what he sees instead makes his smile drop.

Having spent the last three months watching his mother slowly wither, Steve is rooted to the floor in shock at the sight of the rosy cheeked woman before him. Even her hair has regained its color, like a gold curtain cascading down her back.

“Ma?”

Sarah’s eyes light up at the sight of her son. She pulls back the blankets and with little help from the nurse gets to her feet. Steve rushes forward and places gentle hands on her arms.

“I’m okay,” Sarah assures. Her lips stretch from ear to ear, blue eyes beaming up at Steve. “It’s a miracle, Stevie. I…I’m cured.”

“What?” Steve’s brow furrows. While he knows this is good news, he can’t help the doubt gnawing at the back of his head. “What do you mean a miracle?”

“I had a dream last night.” She moves her hands to grip his now, tightly as she recounts her experience with wonder. “And a voice called out to me, the voice of an angel. He asked me if I wanted to be cured. I told him yes. He offered me a drink and I took it. Then I woke up and the sickness was gone.”

Steve stares down at his mother, unable to form words. What she says sounds absolutely lunatic. But yet here she is, standing on her own two feet and gripping him with a strength she did not have yesterday. Was this truly a miracle?

Hurried footsteps sound from down the hall. Steve turns his head to see the butler carrying a tea set atop a silver tray, and you with your own tray topped with toast, jam, fruit, and other assorted pastries entering the room.

“Steve, darling.” You’re slightly out of breath as you set the tray down on the table by the window, looking up at him with excited eyes. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come for you sooner. I wanted to surprise you. I came to see your mother this morning and she told me everything. Isn’t this wonderful news?”

“Yes,” Steve agrees, a warm smile forming at your elation. “Indeed, it is.”

“Oh, Sarah.” You turn your attention to his mother. “Please come and eat. You must have quite an appetite.”

She agrees with a laugh and you extend a hand to beckon her from around the bed and over to the table. Steve’s eyes spot a stain the size of a quarter on the sleeve of your dress, a deep red that reminds him of blood. He’d suffered plenty of nosebleeds from fights in his youth to recognize the sight of it.

“Sweetheart?” You turn your head to look back at him. “What’s that on your sleeve?”

You brows knit together as you turn your wrist to examine the red splotch. You let out a laugh at the sight of it. “I was in such a rush to get everything together. It must have got caught in the jam.”

Steve hums thoughtfully. He walks up behind you, looking over your shoulder to see the spread of food. He doesn’t voice his observation that the jam you served is grape. A sweet, dark purple. Instead the high of his mother’s recovery banishes it from his mind, allowing him to rejoice with the two most important women in his life.

❤️‍🔥

The hustle and bustle of the market goes on around you while you watch your husband from afar. He is talking to a blonde woman. You recognize her as a member of the Carter family, though you cannot recall her name.

Jealousy flares in your chest when you notice how close she is to Steve. The way her hand rests on his arm makes you want to stomp over and rip it off yourself, but your husband has more grace than you. He subtly shifts his body so that her hand falls away and there is a more respectable distance between them.

“Why did you marry her?” Your brows raise at the question. So blatant as her voice carries over to the stall where you pretend to inspect a piece of fruit. “I would have warned you myself, but your nuptials were so sudden.”

There is a hint of disappointment in her tone.

“Warned me of what?” You can hear the genuine confusion in Steve’s voice. He was never one for gossip.

“You know. The rumor that she…” Sharon’s voice lowers. You can just barely make out what she says, though you know before she utters a single word. “That she killed her husband.”

Steve voice hardens. “Sharon…”

“Everyone believes so,” she defends.

“Just because people believe a rumor, does not make it true.” Sharon opens her mouth to respond, but Steve is quick to stop her. “The woman I have been living with, the woman I love, is not capable of what you say. She is kind and gentle. She could never hurt anyone.”

Your heart flutters with joy at Steve’s words, lips curving into a triumphant smile as you step away from the stall and walk toward Steve. You come up behind him and loop your arm through his.

“There you are.” Your expression softens to something warmer as you gaze into your husband’s eyes. His hand finds yours and he gives it a firm squeeze. Your eyes flash to Sharon. “And this is…”

“Sharon Carter.” Steve introduces her and you hold out your hand for her to shake. She reluctantly accepts. “We’re old friends.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” you say with a sweet smile.

“You as well.” Sharon’s lips from a tight smile. Her gaze quickly leaves you before moving to Steve again. “It was lovely to see you again, Steve. We should catch up soon.”

Sharon leaves after Steve promises to meet at her Aunt Peggy’s for tea on Friday. You watch her go for a moment before Steve calls your name to get your attention. He gives you a chaste peck on the lips before you both continue on through the market. When you pass the newsstand Steve stops and picks up today’s paper.

“They still haven’t found that young girl,” Steve comments somberly as he reads the headline. “It’s been over a week now.”

Your lip twitches while your mind attempts to conjure a response.

But you’re saved from having to acknowledge his remark when Sarah spots you and calls your name. Steve drops the paper and lets out a chuckle when you quickly drag him away from the newsstand and toward the flower stall.

❤️‍🔥

The sun has long set when Steve and Sarah return from the theater. You had insisted they go without you to let them spend their own time together.

After Steve guides his mother up to her bedroom and bids her a good night, he seeks you out in your shared room but you aren’t there. He makes his way back downstairs to check the drawing room, the library, and then the kitchen. Steve doesn’t find you in any room.

As he’s about to leave the kitchen he pauses when he hears a muffled scream from the basement. He slowly steps toward the door beside the pantry and opens it. There is a dim light that illuminates the wooden stairs. Your voice draws him down the steps, and as he descends further your voice becomes clearer and he realizes you’re speaking another language. And you’re not alone. The scream he’d heard before didn’t come from you, but the person bound to a chair in the middle of the room.

Steve peeks his head around a thick wooden beam and sees Sharon with tears streaming down her cheeks that drop onto the rag tied around her mouth. She’s placed directly in the center of a circle drawn of chalk with strange markings within it. Steve’s eyes follow your form as you stalk around Sharon with a predatory look in your eyes that he’s never seen before. The maid stands just outside the circle, waiting for your direction. Suddenly you stop behind Sharon and unsheathe the knife in your hand.

“No!” Steve shouts, finally making himself known.

But it’s as if neither of you hear him. You slide the knife along Sharon’s throat at the same time the maid moves forward to collect the blood that pours out of Sharon’s neck into a bronze chalice. The maid hands you the chalice and you bring it to your lips, finishing its contents in several large gulps. Handing the cup back to the maid, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.

“What have you done?”

“Darling.” You look over at Steve. The curve of your lips momentarily shocks him. Sweet and innocent as if you hadn’t just been caught literally red handed. “You weren’t supposed to be home until later.”

“What have you done?” he repeats, stepping further into the room. Steve’s eyes jump from your bloodied hand, to Sharon, and then to the maid who stands silent beside you.

“Oh, Steve.” You sigh. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t find out until much later.”

“You killed Sharon!”

You nod, not denying it. “I did.”

“What is the matter with you?” Steve frowns. He points a firm finger at Sharon’s lifeless body, her blood now a pool beneath her feet. “You just killed someone.”

“Wouldn’t be my first time.” There’s a glint in your eye that makes Steve’s blood run cold. You turn your gaze to the maid. “Grab the mop and bucket please.”

She bows her head in obedient acknowledgement before she leaves, leaving you and Steve alone in the basement.

“Why did you do this?” Steve asks.

“For years I sought out how to keep myself youthful. I searched holy texts, scouring through legends of the Fountain of Youth and the Holy Grail until I realized I was looking in the wrong places,” you explain. Your expression shifts and Steve feels unsettled at the glee in your eyes. “I found a book that explained how to cast spells and perform rituals. I studied relentlessly until I knew I was ready. Now every decade I sacrifice a maiden to the Dark Lord to keep my youthful appearance. My last husband didn’t take the news too well when he found out. He threatened to expose me, but he had an…unfortunate accident before he could.”

“Sharon was right about you.” Steve shakes his head. “They all were.”

Your mouth drops into a frown, a dark expression taking over your features.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Steve promises, “but I’m not staying here, and neither is my mother.”

Steve turns, intent on collecting his mother and leaving at once. But he stops short when you speak again.

“That’s the thanks I get for saving your mother?”

Steve turns his head to look back at you. Dread sinks deep into his chest. “What are talking about?”

“As long as your mother resides in this house she will continue to live the rest of her life free of her illness.” You walk toward him with even steps, your words like honey. Though Steve now knows how deceptively sweet you’ve been. “But if she leaves, the ritual I performed on her will no longer be in effect.”

Steve clenches his jaw, anger and betrayal coursing through every fiber of his being. You stand in front of him, and as you stare directly into his eyes and he can see only fragments of the woman he fell in love with.

“No one pays much attention in these parts when a girl goes missing every decade.” You shrug, as if you were merely talking about the weather. “Two was a bit risky, but you said you’d do anything to cure your mother. I know how much you love her. And I love you. Why would I not do this for her? For you?”

“My mother is old,” Steve whispers. It’s all he can do not to lose his composure. “She will die eventually. And then I will leave you.”

“Yes, but perhaps I can change your mind about me before then.” Your press your lips together into a small smile. Your words spoken just as gently, like so many promises you’ve spoken before. “I’d really like for us to live a long and happy life together, Steve.”

You give him a kiss, lips still reddened by Sharon’s blood, then walk past him toward the stairs, but you pause before ascending.

“The choice is yours, Steve,” you say, looking back at him. “It always has been.”

The maid passes you as she comes down and you walk up the steps. Steve watches you go before he turns and looks on as the maid begins to clean up Sharon’s blood, the same blood that stains his lips.

[0ut0fgrace]

CHARACTERS : Hong Boyeon, Ciara Rhee, Nuala Rhee, Oona Rhee, Ronan Rhee, Topher Rhee

WARNINGS : Mentions of past violence, mentions of suicide/suicidal ideation, mentions of sex, mentions of self-harm, toxic relationships, overall just a toxic ass family

SUMMARY : A Sunday dinner, just like every Sunday dinner before.

WORD COUNT : 2.3k

Family dinners were always something to dread. Mother would clutch her pearls and hurl insults as their father. He would stab his knife into the oak table, wishing it were lodged in his wife's throat instead. The children would watch on, not in horror but in boredom. Only so many fights could get their adrenaline flowing and force them to intervene. After witnessing a dozen or so fights just like this one, they couldn’t find it in themselves to care.

Nuala watched as Boyeon ripped off her necklace before storming out of the room. Delicate pearls bounced on the marble floor. Their housekeeping staff, haggard old twins Junghee and Jungsook, collapsed to their knees. In their shaky hands rolled the delicate pearls. Had they not feared the family, one of the twins would have slipped a few pearls into her bra to pawn off on their way home.

Topher stormed after her, shattering a wine glass in his haste.

The dinner had not been too bad for a majority of the night. The family of six enjoyed two lovely courses and were awaiting a hearty dessert; a chocolate stout cake with peanut-butter frosting. It was a family favorite, they always had it at the end of a grand Rhee feast.

It wasn't until Ciara brought up feeling "forgotten" that things went to hell.

' ' ' '

"Forgotten? What the hell do you mean forgotten?" Laughed Topher, gulping down bitter red wine.

Ciara brushed crumbs from the table onto the floor. "Like in my group, Dad. Dispatch doesn't want anything to do with me."

Ronan chewed at his thumb. He had been tuned out of the night's conversations for a while.

"That's not bad," quipped their mother. "Dispatch likes to start trouble. The Rhee family name and trouble should never be in the same sentence."

"No, Mom, that's not what I mean." Ciara directs her gaze towards their father, totally disregarding their mother. Her eyes grew mushy and soft with emotion. "Can you fix my problem, Daddy?"

Nuala rolled her eyes. Of course, the baby needed to beg for something. She threw back her smoked old fashion. Her head throbbed, from alcohol and general annoyance. "Jungsook, another old fashioned." she commanded. Nuala wasn't tipsy enough to watch a fight.

Jungsook, the more skittish twin, retrieved the glass and scurried into the kitchen.

"I can try pushing a few stories to friends of friends and see what happens."

"You've never offered to do that for any of us," snapped Oona.

Ronan let out a puff of air, one of his “here we go again” sighs.

That's where it all went wrong. Their mother, emotional and unstable per usual, launched into a tangent about them being ungrateful children. She made sure to berate all of them, even Nuala and Ronan who had been silent for much of the dinner.

"What if we cut all of you out of the will?" Boyeon shrieked, pale face now red from anger. "What will you leeches do without the money? Be fucking grateful for your father. He could’ve forced you to go to some shitty company, but no he took you in and gave you everything. He gives you the world and you never thank him."

Jungsook nearly spilled the old fashioned as she placed it on the table. The yelling always scared her. There was far too much yelling in the house of Rhee.

It didn't take too much for Boyeon to scream and cry. The Hongs were a messy bunch. Untreated mental illness ran rampant on their side. Grandfather Hong didn't believe in modern medicine for silly "mental deficiencies." The Hongs didn't have anything wrong with their brains, no matter what quack doctor had to say. His children were perfectly fine, after all they directly represented him as a person and he was perfect so by default they too were perfect.

Topher tried desperately to calm her down. He lovingly cooed her name. He tried appealing to her more irrational side. He tried and tried and tried until he cracked.

"Boyeon, shut the fuck up!" he hissed, driving his steak knife into the table.

The room fell into a hush, even the air conditioning unit ceased to make its usual din.

' ' ' '

The children watched the maids sweet up the glass. None of them moved from their seats. There was no need to comfort either of their parents, it would just turn into a bigger fight. The last time Ronan tried to comfort their mother he was met with a swift slap to the face. Their father had to pull him out of promotions to let his skin heal without the public speculating how he earned the mark.

"Why can't they just be normal and get a divorce." Oona huffed, pulling out her phone. It was a sin to eat with a phone in hand, but their parents were out of the room and the lovely stout cake would no longer be sliced and divided up.

"Mom would threaten to kill herself. She's done it before."

The girls all turned to stare at Ronan. How could he so calmly drop that piece of horrific information?

"You guys didn't know?" He handed his plate to Junghee as she made her rounds, clearing the table.

Nuala tapped her nails on the side of her glass. "When did she do that?"

They all understood their mother was generally unstable, but threatening to kill herself was very new to them.

Ronan picked at his fingers as he spoke. "When we still lived in Anaheim Hills. Dad was over here doing stuff with the company and Mom had a rough time with the change." His finger began bleeding. Ronan grabbed a white cloth napkin and wrapped it around his index finger. "It's why you guys had to live with Aunt Porsha. I was at home talking her off the ledge pretty much daily."

"Did you call anyone?"

"Oona, I was fourteen."

"Did Auntie Porsha try to get her help?" Inquired Ciara, eyes wide with shock.

He held back a laugh, it would be insensitive to laugh at the question. "You know Aunt Porsha hates Mom."

Nuala nodded, their aunt did hate their mother. There were a few different rumors floating around as to why she hated Boyeon. Ronan assumed it was because Boyeon came from a background where she didn't have to work for things. Nuala chalked it up to Porsha being jealous her sister-in-law was graced with four beautiful children and she was left husbandless and barren. Oona didn't have a theory, the tension between them didn't concern her so she never thought about it. Ciara heard from one of their great aunts that Boyeon allegedly had an affair with Porsha's ex-fiancé, but that was all just word of mouth.

"Do you think Dad hates Mom?" Ciara and her questions. She was always the most talkative out of the children.

The Rhee children never had a picture perfect view of what love was or what it could be. They were so used to venomous words hurled across tables and glasses shattering that kisses looked like suffocation and hugs were strangulation. Everything sweet and good about love was foreign to them, especially Nuala.

Nuala was dating a man nearly twenty years her senior and she confused his disgusting infatuation with her for pure love. She associated the word "good" with him. He was good to her, most of the time, so he was good. Kiyoung never hit her, so he was gentle. He only called her vulgar things on occasion, so he was sweet. He fucked her often, so he clearly loved her if he wanted her writhing body beneath him.

"I think we all hate Mom to some capacity." said Nuala before slamming her drink. The whiskey stung her throat.

For the second time that day the room fell into a hush. There was some truth in her statement. Nuala for a fact hated their mother. She hated their mother and father because they made her feel like she was never enough. Ronan didn't have a hateful bone in his body, he just hated what Boyeon put him through as a child. He was just a boy when he had to act as a father for his sisters. Oona disliked both their mother and father. She disliked Boyeon for talking her into altering her face before debut and she disliked Topher for morphing her into something she was not. Ciara was not yet aware of the hatred festering in her stomach for both parents.

"I don't think we should talk like this in their house." Ronan whispered, listening for the clicking of heels or raised voices.

It was like they were children again, waiting for the fighting to stop.

Oona pushed out her chair and stood up. "I'm going for a smoke."

"That's not good for your lungs."

"No shit, Ronan."

Oona rolled her eyes and stomped her way to the coat room.

"Wait, I'm coming with you." Nuala quickly got out of her seat to follow Oona.

Ciara watched them, jealousy burning a hole in her belly. She wanted to be invited to do adult things. Her eyes flick to Ronan, their eyes meet. "I wish they would include me."

"No you don't. All they're gonna do is complain and get lung cancer. It's better to stay here anyway." Ronan smiled. "In here we can have our own fun."

' ' ' '

The night sky was full of stars when they stepped outside. Smoking at the bottom of the driveway was a tradition dating back to when Nuala could legally buy cigarettes for herself. At first smoking was a secret between herself and the stars, but as much as she'd hate to admit it, smoking by herself became lonely. Oona would get dropped off--by one of their father's drivers, she was the only trainee allowed to live at home--after her practice at the company, and each time without fail Nuala was sprawled on the pavement with a cigarette between her lips and clumps of ash on her cheeks. At first Oona would watch from a distance, but before she knew it she and Nuala were sharing cigarettes while they bitched about songwriting and prepping for idol-hood.

Nuala hadn't smoked in a few years. She developed a nasty habit of burning her flesh on the nights Oona didn't smoke with her. Oona was the one who discovered the burns. She screamed at Nuala. Oona called her crazy, and said the family would be a laughing stock if people found out she intentionally hurt herself. Nuala hadn't touched a cigarette since.

The sisters sat on the pavement. Nuala pulled her phone out, hoping to see a text from Kiyoung. He isn't a good texter. She told herself. He loves you. He loves you.

Oona whipped out her box of disgustingly cheap cigarettes and a neon lighter she got for free with her purchase. She lit the cigarette before sitting next to Nuala.

She never failed to cough on the first inhale. Oona was bent over, hacking as Nuala stared at her.

"Maybe you should just start vaping. I’ve heard it feel smoother on the throat, whatever that means."

"God no," Oona said between coughs, "vapes fucking blow up in your pocket."

"But they don't make you stink."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Nuala put her phone on the pavement. "You're always bitching about Dad criticizing you and being controlling and shit. If you don't do shit like this he won't be on your ass."

Oona scoffed. She inhaled then blew the smoke right into Nuala's face. "You're one to fucking talk, Nu."

Admittedly, Nuala missed the scent of fresh cigarette smoke.

"But I'm right. As long as you're under Dad's company he is going to nit pick. The second he and Mom come back to the dining room they're going to give you a lecture on lung health and the possibility of crazies snapping pics of you doing this." Nuala watched as Oona rolled the cigarette filter between her thumb and index finger; she was contemplating something. "Just do us all a favor and get a fucking vape."

"Oh, so you don't think I can quit?"

"No! God, that's not what I'm saying at all."

She hated it when Oona became defensive over nothing.

"Should I quit?" Oona murmured. She never asked for Nuala's opinion.

"I dunno."

Without a second thought, Oona put the cigarette by her foot and stomped it out.

"Is that you quitting?"

"Who knows." She laughed, a genuine little laugh before reigning herself back in. "When are you going back to your place?"

Nuala glanced at her phone. 11:30. She had a writing session at 7 the next morning. "Soon. I was planning on leaving after cake, but I don't know if that's going to happen anymore."

"One of the maids can give you a slice."

"It'll somehow start a fight. I don't want Mom to accuse me of stealing more than just cake." Nuala brought herself to her feet, shoving her phone in her pocket as she stretched. "I'll see you next Sunday."

Oona nodded. "Yeah."

Nuala sniffed before turning on her heels. It wasn't uncommon for her to Irish goodbye her family. Sometimes she didn't want to sit through false pleasantries after a dinner full of screaming and crying.

Her black Range Rover was parked at the end of the driveway. Ronan and Oona had personal drivers bring them to the dinner. Doing stuff like that was above her salary. Well, their father paid for the private drivers so it really did not hurt her siblings' pockets.

She opened the driver's side and hopped in. Nuala hoped texts from Kiyoung would flood through her speakers, enveloping her in his love. She turned the car on. There was complete silence.

He’s probably asleep. She reasoned with herself.

Nuala looked through her windshield, watching Oona as she made her way into the house. She wished every family dinner didn’t dissolve into a battle. She wished she had a normal family, but wishing for something never changed reality.

[acacia-may]

Take Care of Yourself Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Description: Though Giyu tries to take Shinobu's words to heart and take better care of himself, there is only so much someone can do when facing a Lower Moon. When he winds up in the hospital again, Giyu is sure he has disappointed her and waits for her lecture about how he didn’t listen to a word she had said—but it never comes. It seems Shinobu is avoiding him. Somehow this is worse…

Story Description: Giyu & Shinobu's relationship through the years and an origin story of how they became friends.

Fandom: Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba

Genre: Friendship, Developing Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Relationships: Giyu Tomioka & Shinobu Kocho Friendship (though I suppose you could take it in a romantic way if you really wanted it to be) [A/N: This story focuses on how their relationship developed over time and how deeply and genuinely they care about each other so how you want to qualify that (platonic or romantic) is really up to you. My intention was to write about their platonic friendship, but I have been told that the final chapter could lean a little more romantic than the others(?) so warnings for that upfront...]

Characters: Giyu Tomioka (POV Character) and Shinobu Kocho. [Kanae Kocho and Sabito are mentioned but do not physically appear in this story. Sanemi Shinazugawa is briefly mentioned once in every chapter as an easter egg for my sister who loves him and encouraged me to write this story in the first place].

Rating: T for Thematic Elements (Please see "Warnings" below for more details)

Warnings: Heavy themes (i.e. grief, emotional trauma, & survivor guilt), mentions of (non-depicted) past deaths, and depiction of injuries as well as some discussion of demon slaying violence related to those injuries. Ch. 3 has some action sequences and mild, non-gory/non-graphic depictions of demon slaying. All chapters contain SPOILERS for and through Ch. 131 of the manga. Ch. 3 & Ch. 4 contain vague spoilers from and through Ch. 163 of the manga and some related foreshadowing.

Word Count: 2230 (Chapter 2) [7573 Total]

Link to original post on AO3. Please do not repost to another site.

Tumblr Links to The Previous Chapter: Chapter 1 and The Next Chapter: Chapter 3

Note: This is an older story of mine, but I am posting it here to Tumblr for Shinobu's upcoming birthday (since as much as I want to write another story to celebrate my favourite Demon Slayer character, I'm afraid I will not have time this year...)

Chapter 2 below the cut. Please Note: Chapter 2 contains very specific spoilers for Ch. 131 of the manga and mentions/discusses a (non-depicted) past death. Please proceed with caution. Thank you for reading! 🦋

He made it 5 months, nearly half a year, which was a long time for him, but clearly not long enough for Kocho. While her sister had welcomed him warmly with a kind, “Giyu-san, long time no see,” Kocho had scowled in the doorway muttering “Not long enough” before taking off to another ward. Giyu supposed this was to be expected after that lecture she had given him the last time he had been here. For his credit, he had tried to take her words to heart and look after himself, but he was only human and there was only so much a human could do against a powerful blood demon art.

Though he had a very good explanation for his injuries this time, Giyu couldn’t shake the feeling he had disappointed her. He waited for her to lecture him about his recklessness again and periodically glanced over at the doorway to the ward expecting her to stomp in, cross her arms, and huff about how he didn’t listen to a word she had said—but she never did. In fact, Giyu had barely seen her at all since he had arrived. Somehow this was worse.

There were reasonable explanations of course, he told himself. She could be busy with other patients or out on a mission or making medicines. However, he couldn’t quite shake this nagging thought in the back of his mind that Kocho probably hated him.

Kanae Kocho, somehow almost superhumanly intuitive, must have known this. Earlier that day when she had come in to clean and dress his wounds, she had given him a kind, sympathetic smile and said, “Shinobu doesn’t hate you, you know? She’s just young and frustrated. Not at you of course” —she had added— “It’s just…she’s had to realize there are some things even she can’t fix.”

 Giyu had tilted his head and blinked at her. Even now, he wasn’t sure what she had meant by that. He had tried not to think about it and, luckily, found distraction fairly easy as he had aches, pains, and fatigue to occupy him—but now wide awake in the middle of the night, staring at the streams of moonlight on the ceiling, it kept nagging at him.

 “Is it the pain?” Surprised, Giyu turned to look at the shadowy figure of Shinobu Kocho in the doorway. “Keeping you awake…?” she added as if to clarify.  

Giyu blinked at her and shrugged his shoulders slightly. The room was bright enough from the light of a full moon that he could see Kocho frown as she glanced over at his bedside table. “Didn’t you drink the water I sent for you?”

“What?” Giyu glanced over at the tray that a young girl with two blue butterfly hairpins had brought in earlier. He hadn’t touched it since she had sat it down on the table with a frown and a curt “drink this” that was somewhat familiar.

“I put an anesthetic in it,” explained Kocho crossing her arms. “It would’ve helped.”

“I didn’t know…”

Kocho huffed and handed him the glass. “Well start drinking it now. Then you need to try to get some sleep. What are you still doing up anyway?”

“What are you doing up?” he countered dryly.

An odd look Giyu couldn’t quite place passed over Kocho’s face before she frowned and answered matter-of-factly. “Making medicine for tomorrow and making sure my patients are getting enough sleep…” she added pointedly her eyes narrowing at him.

She would be up forever if she was making sure all her patients were asleep, Giyu thought. Sleep and demon slaying didn’t exactly pair well together. Giyu couldn’t remember the last time he had had a proper night’s sleep and had all but given up on it. He sighed. “I don’t sleep much on a good day.”

Kocho’s face softened. “I can make you a sedative—a nice, warm tea maybe or something stronger if you think you need it.”

“You don’t have to…” Giyu began to protest, but Kocho shook her head and turned to walk out of the doorway.

“I can’t just let you stay up all night. You’ll end up sick on top of everything else. I’ll be right back…in the meantime drink that water.”

After Kocho disappeared down the hall, Giyu sipped his water and watched the doorway wondering if in his sleep-deprived daze he had just imagined their entire conversation—until she flittered back into the room with a teacup saying, “This should help you sleep.”

Kocho handed Giyu the cup and added almost teasingly, “It can even knock out Shinazugawa-san.”

“Thank you,” said Giyu before taking a few sips of the tea. “And for the water…I hadn’t realized you sent it.”

Kocho’s brow furrowed. “You sound surprised.” She frowned. “What? Did you think I was off sulking somewhere, angry at you for getting injured again?” Giyu shifted and stared off out the window at the moon. Apparently, this was answer enough. “Alright well…I was angry—am angry,” Kocho admitted. “I told you I didn’t want to see you back here, and then you get dragged in here practically unconscious from blood loss and covered in…” She motioned to the bandages which covered bits and pieces of his arms and torso like some sort of geometric fabric pattern. “What are these? Bite marks? Scratches? Stab wounds?”

“That last one probably,” he answered matter-of-factly. “One of its attacks was like a barrage of broken glass.”

Crossing her arms, Kocho sighed. “I’ve been treating survivors for weeks now. A lot of them say they had never seen anything like it before—I guess that’s the power of a Kizuki for you.” She paused, and the hard lines of her face softened. “They’ve been telling me that they would’ve died if you hadn’t shown up—that somehow you managed to take that thing down single-handedly. They’re going to make you the Water Hashira for this you know…”

Giyu shrugged. “I don’t think they’ll make me a Hashira…”

 “Of course they will,” said Kocho cutting him off. “You took down a Lower Moon. Even the people who were there can’t believe it. How’d you do it?” 

Giyu stared intently at his hands and sighed. He wasn’t even really sure himself—it was all a blur, but that last blow, the final blow… “It’s a new Water Breathing form I’ve been working on. I call it ‘Dead Calm.’”

A laugh escaped from Kocho’s mouth before she caught herself. “Oh you were serious about the name?”

Giyu blinked. “I don’t understand what’s funny about it. It’s not that much different than ‘Butterfly Dance.’”

“Don’t bring my forms into this. They have much better names than ‘Dead Calm.’” She tilted her head and smiled teasingly. “Tomioka-san, you need to work on your naming preferences and your sense of humor. Especially since you’re going to be a Hashira now…you’ll probably be naming all kinds of new forms.”

“I don’t think so. It took me years to come up with this one…” Giyu sighed shifting away from Kocho. What she must think of him—struggling to come up with one measly form when she had created an entire breathing style. “And water breathing is the easiest of all the forms to learn…”

“Says the future Water Hashira…” Kocho huffed with a pointed glance that surprised him. “I tried water breathing…it is not easy. I could only ever do one of the forms…”

“The Seventh?” he interrupted seemingly startling her before she bristled.

“How did you know?” He blinked at her unsure if this was a rhetorical question or if she expected an answer. She continued filling the silence, “See, you really are meant to be a Hashira, you Water Breathing expert.”

“I’m not an expert,” Giyu sighed. “And I don’t think they’ll make me a Hashira.” They shouldn’t…he thought. Imagine a Hashira who couldn’t even pass Final Selection.

“You keep saying that, but surely you can’t be this surprised. Weren’t you a tsuguko?”  

“By default…after the original was…” Giyu stopped. His throat constricted, and his chest felt tight. “He should’ve been the Water Hashira—not me.”

The air in the room suddenly changed. Kocho sighed and took a seat next to his bedside. Her voice grew quiet, gentle. “Was he a friend of yours?”

Giyu nodded. “Like a brother.” His voice didn’t waver, but it didn’t sound like his own. Something burned in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” said Kocho. “I know that sounds empty—it’s just words—but I am sorry.”

Giyu could almost feel her mood shift—a righteous anger rising in her, a fire in her eyes. He turned to look at her as she clinched her fists and her soft voice trembled, “I hate demons, and I’m sick and tired of them taking people from us. If I could take down every single one of them myself, I would.” She paused before standing up from her seat. “This is why you have to be the Water Hashira—to make them pay and to save people from having to lose someone they love just like…you did. There are lots of people who wish they could do that…but…there are some people that just aren’t strong enough to take down one of the Kizuki like you just did. That’s why you have to.” As she turned away from him and stumbled just slightly over those last few words, Giyu was suddenly aware that he didn’t know anything about why Kocho had become a demon slayer—who she had lost and was looking to avenge. He stared at her back almost blankly, far more surprised than he should have been to discover that they were so similar.

“Kocho…” he began hoping he would think of something to say, but Kocho cut him off.

“Your friend,” she asked staring out the window at the moon her demeanor softening. “What was he like?”

Giyu blinked and shifted. His voice was constricted but he somehow managed, “Brave. Strong. Honest. Selfless…he died saving everyone at our Final Selection…” The words got mangled in the back of his throat, and his voice faltered as the painful memory—the truth—of his final selection became too much to bear.

“He sounds like an amazing person—very heroic.” Kocho paused solemnly.  “Someone like that—who’d sacrifice themselves—I don’t think someone like that would want there not to be a Water Hashira—especially not because of his memory. Don’t you think that if he knew how you saved everyone, how you took down one of the Lower Moons all by yourself—don’t you think he’d want this for you—would want you to be the Water Pillar?”

Giyu shifted. He couldn’t argue with that. He could almost imagine what Sabito himself would say if he was here but…”I don’t deserve it. I didn’t earn it like the others…”

“Don’t be ridiculous…” Kocho began, but Giyu interrupted.

“You heard what I said about Final Selection…I didn’t pass.”

“Tomioka-san, do you want to know how I passed final selection? I wove a basket out of bamboo leaves and collected a bunch of wisteria from the edge of the mountain. I made it into a paste and constantly coated my sword and myself in it. It repelled some demons, but most of them still tried to attack me. I was only good at that one water breathing form and it couldn’t even decapitate a demon. I survived only by jabbing at them with my wisteria dipped sword and running away while the poison prolonged their regeneration time.” Kocho huffed. “Now that eventually did evolve into my Insect Breathing, but at time, it was pretty pathetic.” She sighed. “All I’m saying is that I don’t think Final Selection was most people’s shining moment.”

Giyu blinked at her as she took her seat next to his bedside again. When he had barely begun to process what she had said, she met his eyes with a pointed intensity. “Regardless of what happened back then, you’ve earned this. The Demon Slayer Corps needs you to be the Water Hashira, and I think you’ll be a good one…if you stop acting like such an airhead and actually take care of yourself for once, that is,” she added with a tilt of her head and a flash of that teasing smile. “When you’re a Pillar, you’ll have lots of people counting on you so you will need to take care of yourself. Hopefully that will be enough motivation.”

“You…really think I’m going to be the next Water Hashira?”

Kocho raised her eyebrows. “I know you’re going to be the next Water Hashira.” She paused and crossed her arms. “But don’t get too cocky about it and start feeling invincible. I’m right behind you. I’m going to be the first Insect Hashira, and then I won’t have all this extra time to patch up the wounds you get from being reckless and absent-minded.”

Giyu’s mouth twitched, and he exhaled slightly. Kocho huffed and waved a finger at him, “I mean it, Tomioka-san.”

“I know you do,” he answered dryly his voice trailing as his vision went a bit blurry and that sedative of Kocho’s really started to kick in. His eyes felt heavy and eventually drooped shut, and Giyu fell asleep feeling lighter somehow—as if he had started to let go of a weight he didn’t even know he was holding onto.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Omg megumi and Yuta are my favs after Inumaki LMAO (I’m Lowk salty that we did not get ANY lore exploration of Inumaki but maybe it’s better that way so he stays alive atp)

No the hating mainstream things to be “unique” is so eugh honestly like just because somethings mainstream doesn’t mean it’s basic…but exactly I’ve definitely lost the spark with jjk I think it just got too confusing? And I was losing the essence of the story and idk I know geges said before that that they’ve wanted to end jjk earlier but something about the editor saying no…? I feel like sometimes the lack of motivation kinda peeks through with how the story was done….which I get because writers block/art block and just burn out in general is so real I just wish circumstances were different lmao…

Also yeah the “jjk has the best female characters” ideation…hmm..it’s def better than the blatantly sexualized ones but at this point it kinda feels like a bare minimum/low standard thing that they ARENT sexualized like in most shounen content that makes people say this (i agree like wtf happened with yuki we barely saw her honestly?? Don’t get me started on tsumiki i was expecting them to take a route where maybe she’d actually wake up and play a more conscious role but what the hell was that)

NO LITERALLY im all for analysis and leaving some things open ended but idk in jjk it was just excessive that it turned into confusion like…the constant guessing and insane analysis that needed to be done to clarify things or try to parse things together is not my favorite…agreed that the story should not have to rely on deep level analysis to be understood!

Yeah I’ve definitely lost my emotional ties with jjk its just like well I got this far i might as well see how it ends

LMAO WIGGLY that made me think of a worm on a string but I see what you mean! One track soccer mind doesn’t give much room to explore lolll but it was executed very well hehe

LMAOO it’s the pipeline of shitting on side characters to loving them but I can’t with his hair cut…also don’t think he’s ugly like I guess he’s objectively relatively good looking? But yeah I never fully saw the appeal (it’s funny because I know a good amount of people who prefer him to Rin when I’m the opposite lol) and the Gojo aura LOL

THE ACCURACY IS INSANE the way I would have never known if you didn’t mention it (I don’t think I would’ve even noticed if I wrote it) the fact checking goes crazy LMAO but I love it honestly the research def gives the story more depth and feel to it rather than just a one shot/story that kinda just floats in the void of the universe or something…gives it ties to reality and an actual grounding in the world! (This was worded so badly lmao)

It’s always Karasu….I think it’s partially also because some manga scenes of him are a little goofy because they give him that smile that almost cuts across his entire face to give him that kinda evil looking smirk….and the anime style kinda striking that awkward balance of maintaining those features but not putting enough detail to go full asshole def makes it a little goofy LOL (but in art they put more effort into like the S2 trailer/teaser visual he looks great with all the shading)

And LMAOO IKR!!! I always think back to that I’m like KURONA WAS 4??? Bro wasn’t even on the field in the u20 match so I was Lowk a bit shocked haha, iirc Kiyora was also 5?? Like the discrepancy makes me laugh ik people probably developed during the second selection but the drastic change always gets me

Your tag with the arrow has me feeling idk why I found that so funny LOL

Also SHSHS drowsy allergy medicine is the worst…I hope you weren’t having a severe reaction or anything and also that you feel better soon!!!

-Karasu anon

there’s def a lot of areas where there could be more lore (rika’s character page is so odd??) just because of how many characters there are i think!! but i do feel like the story is wrapping up so some things might just be left as questions. or not, who knows!!

yeah there’s def a cycle of like thing gets popular -> everyone loves it -> it becomes so over saturated that people start hating on it to be different -> it becomes overhated -> in a few years everyone realizes it wasn’t that bad. the biggest problem w the “hating as a trend” is that it takes away from legitimate criticisms of the work, as fans will lump it into general hating for no reason.

besides just analyses being so important for even basic comprehension of the plot, i’ve noticed a lot of the storyline is dependent on random interviews gege has done. like nobara’s death only being confirmed because of an interview years after it was written is RIDICULOUS to me (even though i already thought she was dead tbh but there was enough speculation in the fandom that it obviously wasn’t clear enough in-story). things like interviews and character pages should give you fun additional information that can help you expand on a character (oh rin likes horror games!! karasu is scared of the water!! etc etc) but it shouldn’t be the MAIN source of KEY info on a character. idk i think a lot of people love what jjk could be at this point and not necessarily what it is.

YESS i honestly was not super pleased by the female characters in jjk!! they are cool, and they COULD be well written, but they aren’t. i think in terms of its contemporaries, demon slayer does female characters better than jjk (again, not saying they’re perfect because they aren’t, but, say, shinobu is a stronger character to me than even maki).

jjk is a sunk cost fallacy for me HAHA i’ve been into it for over 2.5 years now so i have to see how it ends but i don’t really care atp what happens 😭 i’m like an unbiased outsider…idk it’s sad i wish i could’ve stayed invested but i only even know leaks are dropping because my social media blows up whenever they do.

OMG i also think rin is better looking than sae but i find sae easier to write for some reason?? idk why 😫 like sae is canonically only interested in soccer at least rin likes horror stuff but honestly between the two of them it feels easier to separate sae from soccer than rin?? if only marginally so hahaha. sae occasionally expresses regret at only knowing abt soccer so i feel like he’d be more willing to open himself to new experiences if sufficiently prodded whereas rin is SO invested in soccer (because soccer = his relationship w his brother) that he doesn’t even seem like he could have a proper friendship w someone let alone an actual relationship 😔

it really is always karasu…i do think manga can get away w exaggerating certain features (ex karasu’s smirk) that anime can’t so they have to figure out a way to balance it — maybe it’s the static nature of manga vs the motion of anime?? although karasu hasn’t been smirking much in pxg vs bm 😕 give my boy his swag otoya back!! HAHA but i also think he was such a background character in that one scene of season one that they just didn’t gaf abt him. he’s looked really good in all of the s2 promotional material so i have faith he will be done well!!

KURONA AND KIYORA MY RANDOM AHH KINGS 🙏🏻 they came outta nowhere but they’re slaying atm…ig the hundred goal thing only tested a very specific aspect of playing soccer?? like shooting without anyone on you which doesn’t really translate to an actual game 🤔 like in bllk vs u20 they needed defenders and midfielders who wouldn’t necessarily score but were integral to the game 👆🏻 plus they didn’t all go in at the same time so better players like tabieitaken and shidou were ranked lower than randoms like tokimitsu probably just because they entered later 🤷🏻‍♀️

it wasn’t that bad!! i just got like overwhelmingly sleepy because i haven’t taken any in forever so i just crashed instead of staying up longer like i usually so haha. but i’m hoping to get the one shot out soon!! it’s pretty dumb but more karasu content is more karasu content 🤩