#the opener was the most boring band ive seen in a long long long time

[morgy-doo]

school bus graveyard x Fem! Secret idol! reader

Who is Wonyoung (IVE): Wonyoung is the bubbly, outgoing and caring member of a popular K-pop group IVE.

character has similar traits to Wonyoung, non dimension AU, fluff, Tyler hernandez, Ashlyn banner, Taylor hernandez, Logan fields, Ben clark, Aiden clark.

TW: none

y/n quickly speed walked through the allyway, crossing the intersection, she had five minutes till vocal practice and she was already running late as it is as Aiden decided to pull some dumb stunt right before she left. she did want to be honest with them, but after recently transferring schools she didn't want the news to get out again, last time all it did was hinder her school life, but she couldn't be mad, she adores her fans and does her best to excuse their sometimes out of line behavior.

y/n breathes out in relief as she arrives to the recording studio. as she walks through the carpented halls she had a thought were the group on to her? it did seem kinda weird she had to keep cutting hang outs or leaving so abruptly. well, they probably didn't even know her group, the weren't as popular as other bands, if they did, they would of bought it up by now. also, if they did discover her group, its not like they would know its her from the glamour of the makeup and costume design. with that reassuring thought, she pushed open the doors to the main studio. nahh, they have no idea.

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"There is something going on with y/n" Ashlyn said, crouched in the bus seat, taking the entire seat to herself. Taylor turned and raised an eyebrow. "Do you think? i mean, i did think its kinda weird she always left really early when we hang out, but i just thought she had strict parents or something." Aiden laughed ."No, iv'e spoken to Marhshall and Christy, they are actually really laid back"

Tyler gave Aiden a confused look "When did you get the chance to meet her parents?" Aiden sat down next to Tyler, who immediatley shoved him off the seat onto the floor.

"Well i was bored so i was gonna ask y/n if she wanted to come and convince old people its 3000 and that the nursing home was a secret time machine" (Aiden would totally do that you cannot tell me otherwise.) "But she wasnt answering er texts so naturally i went to her house and climbed through the kitchen window."

Logan gave him a horrified look and looked back at Ashlyn. "We should give y/n her own privacy, if she wants to tell us where she is going then that is up to her, we should drop it for now, maybe."

Ashlyn nodded in response and kicked Aiden off the chair next to her that he was trying to sit on.

(stop aiden abuse)

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the group (minus y/n since she scurried off to another rehersal) were leaving school, it had been a long day full of work and Aiden, so everyone was tired and pissy. they were turning the corner when they heard the voice of Barron. Ashlyn grabbed the back of Taylor and Aiden's shirts so they wouldn't walk into their line of view and pulled them back behind the corner.

"Doesn't that new girl y/n look familiar, i just thought she was some washed up bitch who iv'e probably seen sleeping around, but then i noticed this." he pulls out his phone and shows one of his skanky friends a picture, it was of y/n in their most recent school photo, Ashlyn can barely discern the picture as it was from a distance but could still recognise the face.

Barron zoomed in on a mark on y/n's neck. Ashlyn had noticed the mark several times, but never chose to bring it up. Barron loaded up a new picture, this time it was a picture of someone in an over eccentri outit, their face covered in makeup and their hair done fancy, Barron zoomed in once again to reveal that this mystery girl had the same marking on her neck that y/n did.

"I think y/n is a member of the girl group ONCE" the group all turned to look at each other. Ashlyn pulled out her phone and researched the group, clicking on a video of a recent performance, Ben smiled and pointed to a girl near the left, now that they saw it close up, there was no mistaking it was their friend y/n. "I recognise this music, my dad always plays it in the car, says its cheery, doesn't stop me from wanting to jump out the window." Ashlyn says as she clicks off the video.

"But why wouldn't y/n tell us?" Taylor says looking around. Tyler just rolled his eyes. "Well i would be embarassed too if i had to wear ugly frilly dresses like that." Logan smiled weakly. "That's not the point-" Ashlyn cut Logan off, finishing his sentence for him, "She probably doesn't trust us enough, that's why, this is kinda a big secret idiot, so lets just pretend we haven't seen this and never bring it up to her"

Too late. Aiden had already sent y/n a picture of the video they had been watching with the text: "nice dress LOL"

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A few weeks later, things began to work out better for y/n, after seeing Aiden's text, she came clean and explained everything about her vocal practice, and that she did indeed trust them, she just didn't want the knowledge being leaked. the others all accepted her and her career. infact, her band and the group even all hang out together, but Aiden was more so interested in farting in the mic and hearing it reverberate through the sound system.

thanks for requesting, did the best i could with the knowledge of how wonyoung acts, i never heard of IVE before so

[bubacorn]

For scientific purposes: who is your favourite eepy boy?👀

Oh, gods. I usually don't like playing favorites with anything, cause I can't really choose and don't want the others to feel bad (which now that I realize is very hmm), but I'll try.

It's gonna be a boring/easy answer, but I would say that it's Vessel. I find it easier to connect to lyricists, and they are more special to me for that. I adore all four of them, I admire their talent and love their own quirks and shenanigans, but it's the same with Metallica for me (I know, I know, I can't shut up about them), I love all four members, I respect them, but I have a special love and connection to James' lyrics and emotions.

him and Vessel are mouthpieces for emotions I didn't realize I needed someone else to express for me and they translate pain and being human so well that they are my non-favorite favorites respectively. obviously, with Sleep Token it's entirely different, because I cannot connect to any of them based on their personality, and with Metallica I've seen/read a bunch of interviews and all that, so the two bands can't actually be compared.

but at the same time, I really don't have favorites, I adore all of them, I'll argue with anyone who tries to insinuate someone is easily replaceable (or anyone who tries to shit on Lars for his drumming, Kirk for his solos and Rob for not being any of the previous bassists). With the eepies, it's more like I love their stage characters, they fit well together, they have their distinct personalities, even though we just see them interact with each other and the music, but there's small things from all four of them that I adore (II's nonchalance as he absolutely beats the shit out of his kit, III's energy and him being himself and jumping/kicking/hugging/kissing freely, IV being all groovy and doing his 'dad dance', but also being elegant and cool)

with Vessel, I absolutely hate him [affectionate] for his songwriting, every time I remember he wrote the solo in Telomeres, his lyrics, his voice in AYRO, for Jaws and Dark Signs especially, for all the little hidden references and meanings, and the things I feel like I can relate to him about, even though I don't know about his past. even though my struggles are not exactly the same, but seeing him be so open and unafraid to give us his all, bare us his heart and soul makes me feel less alone for simply feeling (even though I keep most all of it inside, I wish I could just once cry like he does on stage, I think it would mend a part of my soul). and knowing that he also struggles, that anxiety doesn't stop once you reach a certain age/level of success is both scary and comforting. same with James, how open he is about his struggles with depression and anxiety, and how he still finds a way to keep going and to do what he loves. yeah. I love them both a normal amount.

I don't like being sentimental, I usually keep thoughts like these in my head, because really, who cares, and others have more interesting stuff to say and things that they can relate to, but I thought I would share some of my thoughts, since you asked. thank you for that, and sorry for the long reply/rambling! 💙

[beantothemax]

More Kurokami inbox fic time!!! This fic contains spoilers for SMT IV's third act, after the alignment lock. Anyways, here's the sole bgm for this song, I highly suggest listening to it while you read this. It's in a bit of a casual conversational tone, with no descriptions to speak of.

“Oh, it’s you. How have you been?”

“I’ve been well! I met the most helpful boy recently. You would like him.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second.”

“Mmmm…”

“So whats this song? It’s surprisingly nice for right now.”

“Angels and Demons at a very tentative peace?”

“You could say that. If what you call tentative is hard glares and booming words.”

“Can they even do that?”

“They can damn well try, I’ll say.”

“Hahahaha! I suppose so. Any ideas on who’s participating?”

“I’m sure you know the Archangels are going to be there…”

“Of course.”

“Knowing him, Metatron is going to be there as well.”

“Of course. I think I saw Flynn with him for a short while.”

“Oh really? The boy is that strong?”

“I suppose so. But it’s not really him, is it?”

“Of course not. It would be funny if it was, though.”

“What about your side? Any ideas on who you’re bringing?”

“Hmmmmm….. That’s a secret.~”

“Not going to spill the beans to me? After all we’ve been through?”

“Nah. It’s more fun to talk about Him.”

“Amen to that.”

…..

snicker

“You’re different than most demons.”

“I’m not a Demon.”

“Riiiight, and I’m an Angel of the Lord.”

“It’s hard to describe in words. You just… are. I’ve never seen a demon that cares so much for humanity. It’s kind of refreshing.”

“Too bored of the kill-maim-murder mentality?”

“You could say that.”

….

“I think it’s because you care more about humans than most demons.”

“Humanity is a precious gift and a terrible thing. They’re wonderful creatures who deserve praise, and terrible monsters who deserve contempt.”

“And I’m guessing you’ve seen the best and the worst they’ve had to offer?“

“I’m guessing you have too?”

“Haha! Of course!”

…..

“All of them were good kids, you know.”

“Oh? And what’s with the sentimentality?”

“It’s the song. Do you blame me?”

“You’re so strange. Letting your emotions get clouded by something as simple and human as music.”

“So sue me. I like a good song.”

“Jonathan had a sense of duty about him. I thought he knew how to do the right thing.”

“But then he went with the Archangels?”

“But then he went with the Archangels.”

“Flynn is a bit scattered. I don’t blame him, really. He’s been tugged around by so many people and had so much happen with so little breathing room. I’m more surprised he didn’t break like Isabeau did.”

“You know, I expected him to join the boy in opening that portal to The Expanse.”

“Maybe in another time, he did. But this time, he killed Lilith with Jonathan.”

“Oh really? That’s a shame.”

“I would think you’d be more emotional over that.”

“Please, it’ll take a while, but she’ll come back.”

“Oh really? How?”

“You know how there’s like, a billion Pixies, but a few Titania?”

“Huh.”

“Walter had a drive to him. He was determined to do his job and do it right. But he ended up letting his past define him. Leading him to you.”

“You know, you could see him again. He did a great job helping me. I’m sure he could do the same with you.”

“What gives you that impression?”

“Please, I think it’s safe to assume that you didn’t choose to do nothing but sit here in a frail human form and play sad guitar.”

“And if I did?”

“Then you’re weirder than I thought.”

“Heheh, I think you’ll find the truth much stranger than fiction.”

….

“So I assume you were here for another proposal?”

“Yep!”

“Will you join me in a world of chaos? Where the world is decided by those who deserve to rule?”

“I’m sorry, Hikaru. But I’d like to walk my own path. Not impeded by others’ ideologies. It’s how I’ve operated for a long, long, time.”

“Curious… cause I clearly remember you siding with a band of thieves against a being that felt suspiciously like Him a while back.”

“Your recollection doesn’t fail you. I just think that either end of the spectrum isn’t what any world deserves.”

“Pshhh, you're so lame.”

“I won’t try to tell you my reasoning. If you want to stop talking to me, I don’t blame you.”

“Please. I wouldn’t stop talking to you for the world. You’re far too fun.”

“Thought you said I was no fun.”

“Shut up! You know what I mean!”

…..

“I suppose I’ll be seeing you later then?”

“Mhm! Maybe we can meet here again?”

“Sure. That sounds fun.”

“Have fun with Walter.”

“I will! But you should be more concerned with Flynn.”

------------- Highlighting more differences between Luci and Kuze, mostly in their attitudes toward humanity. As well as musing on the ultimate fates of each of the kids who got wrapped up in all this. For obvious canon reasons, my Flynn picked the Neutral route, siding with neither Lucifer nor the Archangels. I could have sent another fic that takes place directly before the lock and a little before that, but I'm not sure about the quality of those, and I plan on doing some major editing to those before sending them off. Also!!! I should have told you what Alignment Lock means. Basically as soon as you reach a Point, your alignment points are evaluated by the game and you are thrust into a certain route, Chaos, Law, or Neutral. If you're curious when the lock happens, its after A Certain Group Asks you a Very Important Question. This one was titled "Asking the Question Again" in my docs and was inspired by me listening to this beautiful cover on loop.

first of all VERY nice song to have accompany this. ultrakill ost my beloved

and more luci and kuze!!!!!!!! hooray!!!!!! even through I do not always 100% understand what exactly they are talking about, just. the way you write dialogue is very nice and keeps me engaged regardless. it’s always very good :]

two funny girls sitting on a rooftop, playing guitar as they talk about demons and angels and everything in between. what more can you ask for

[houserider1010]

The night we met ~ harry x alex chapter one

Harrys pov

As I was applying the eyeliner to my eyes I looked myself in the mirror thinking how on earth am I going to get up in time for my new job. “are you almost ready harry?” broys shouts through the door to my room in our shared flat. You see ive got 2 roomies who are just the cutest gay couple. Theyre called phillip and broys and theyre forcing me to go to some concert they’ve been talking about for a while now. I tried to tell them that i cant come but I cant say no to them two.

“coming now” I shout back standing up fixing my hair and my black crop top that says nirvana on. I got it at a chraity shop and just cut it into a crop top. Ive always been quite artictst. I walk out of my bedroom and see phillip and broys sat together on the sofa watching something boring on the tv. “oooo yas queen do a spin” phillip says gayly while he claps his hands together over and over again. Broys just smiles at me. I turn around in a circle with my arms out. They both woo at me and stand up going towards our red flat door. I follow behind them as we walk down the corridors of our block and i put my hands in my leather jacket head down as I follow the adorable couple in front of me. Ugh they make me so lonely. Hopefully ill find someone that wont leave me like all of my other exes.

Time skip to the pub(still harrys pov)

Im sat at the bar just having pint while broys and phillip are both sharing a sex on the beach cocktail. Philip turns around to see what act is on stage and he shouts over the loud annoying music “THIS IS THE GUYS WE CAME FOR COME ON LETS GO NEAR THE FRONT PLEAEEE” broys nods his head not bothering to shout over the top of the already loud music. I mumble a fine and start to walk with my roomies. we push through the group of sweaty dancing people on the dancefloor and made it right to the front. “YOUR GONNA LOVE THEM THEYRE CALLED ENTERNAL VORTEX” phillip shouts while broys just stands behind him with his arms around his wasit looking up at the stage. Then he comes out from the red curtain. The most beautiful man ive ever seen. I stare at him like a child does with a sweetie shop. His shaggy black hair covers most of his forhead and eyebrows. Hes holds a bright red gautiar inhis hands and I notice how veiny they are. I start to get butterflys in my stomach and feel a sudden wetness down near my member. He walks up to the standing mic and says ina deep sexy muscline voice “hello everyone whos come to see us we’re enternal vortex but I guess you already knew that haha...” theres a awkward silence amongs the crowd and the new emo band.”JUST GET ON WITH IT LADDY” a old scotsman shouts from the back. The sexy gauitar player looks down at his feet almost like hes trying to gaver up his emotion and prepare himself for what his about to do. He then makes eye contact with me. My heart skips a beat. His eyes green as a forest and a emerald shining in the bliss light of the sun. i think ive just fallen in love.

Time skip to the end of the concert

As he finishes singing the end of the lyrics to one of his heartbreaking and gutwreathing songs that makes you truly question what love is. “goodbye everyone and have a good night” he begins to walk off stage and I quickly state to my friends that im just going for a piss when in reality I was going back stage to find my green eyed crush.

I open the door which has a sight on it claiming it to be the backstage rooms. I walk down the long green corridor that is dimly light but a scary long light on the peeling ceiling. I knock on the end door hoping that he would answer. that he would push me up against the wall and kiss me so passently and roughly that our lips are swore and bruised every so slightly. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I wait for him to come to the door. “oh hi you was at the front werent you hm?” he answers the door and asks a question that makes my budussy tighten. “hm yeah i just wanted to come and say that i love your music and your voice is that of a angels and im wondering if you maybe want to go out for a drink sometime” I quickly say all of these and I begin to feel the embarrassment rise to my face and make me as red as a spanked arse. He chuckles deeply “well thank you your actually quite handsome yourself” he says seductively as he winks when he spoke his last breath of letters. “and yes I would love too would you like to go no-” he was cut off as we both heard some drunken mumbles and foot steps slowly walking towards us.

its phillip gripping on to broys like his life depends on it. “we need to go home now phillip is too drunk to even think” broys says as his eyes flicker between me and the band leader.”sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt anything its just that our roommate harry should really come home with us now” broys says almost disappointed in himself for ruining such a perfect moment for his roommate and the bandsman. “can I stay a bit longer pleaseee” I beg broys who was slowly losing his grip onto his red haired loverboy. “i can drive him home.” gautiar player steps into the conversation looking desperately into broys eyes practically begging with his eyes. “fine but you’ve got half an hour.” broys says quickly and strectly like a father allowing his child to stand at a friends house for longer. I speack out a quick thank you as I grab the sexy mans hand and drag him towards the bar. We sit together and start to orer some drinks. “so whats your name mr gautiar?” I say while looking him up and down looking at how sexy he looks in ripped jeans and a cute plain black top and all of his bracelets. “my names alex what about you handsome?” he says slyly as he also looks me up and down. I can feel a pool of wetness leave the tip of my cock as I begin to get wetter every single im with him. “its harry” I say and a bartender comes to us with our drinks and we both quietly say thanks to the woman with bleach blonde hair and about every facial piercing a single person would have. We begin to talk and soon I quickly learn a lot about him and he learns a lot about me. But in the middle of our conversation I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and I get it out and see broys has texted me just saying the word curfew. Shit. I look at the time and its around one aclock in the morning. “fuck imsorry but can you drive me home please?” i say to the scrumish man seated next to me with the best puppy eyes I could do. “yeah ofc darlin” the pet name sends shivers down to my anus as i feel it begin to pulse. We stand up and begin to head out and I see us walking up to some random silver car. We both get in and it’s a quiet drive home but I don’t mind. Its a comfortable kind of silence. As we get to my flat block I wave him goodbye but before I walk up the steps I slowlylean in and kiss him on the check and whisper “now you can dream about me baby” his face goes bright red as i walk to the door with a victory smile doing ive gotten him back. As im walking up the stairs I suddenly relaise I didn’t ask for his number. Oh my god im so stupid.

[boonesfarmsangria]

I finally saw fleet foxes last night and the show was so good. They played pretty non stop for almost two hours and played basically everything you would want to hear them play. Live they are so much more solid sounding. The instrumentation is really layered and thick. And with the new songs they definitely rocked out more. Obviously the harmonies are a strong point for them but it didnt feel like that was the main point and the new songs blended into the old and made them less simple sounding along with this newer direction in playing.. it just fattened them up in a really nice way but also maintained their identity in ways that didnt feel like the vibe of the song was abandoned or mistakeable. (Their old songs are amazing, some of my favorite songs ever, but they are relatively straightforward) Robin sounded really good and I wondered how his voice would translate live. Its better, prettier, fuller. He said they had had a weird show the night before and complimented the crowd a few times. (We were all singing alot and there was a lot of the general screaming) He didnt wear his in-ears so there was some people yelling things to him that he could hear and he interracted and responded to, which was cool since hes not a big onstage talker. He was smiling alot and looked like he was really having a good time and enjoying the atmosphere. The other guys werent displaying much outwardly (i dont think they really do normally) but it felt like they were really into it. And towards the end they were kinda joking a lil amongst themselves. It was just a really good space. Robin sang a few songs by himself and those were pretty special and showed how talented he is. Felt like it could as easily been just him up there and would have been entertainment enough. Not to take away from the rest of the guys at all because they are insanely talented..all of them at many points switching among multiple instruments throughout the set and generally doin the damn thing…just thats how good Robin sounds with his voice and a guitar. (I would never want that im just saying hes really somethin) The list of songs they played is crazy. Like outside of saying you like every single one of their songs equally i really cant see how this could have been better. I guess they could have played keep time on me and dropped a fleet foxes song but thats not what most people would want id guess. So even though i love LOVE their old songs and didnt think id love their new as much i really did and their set is dialed tf in. They are just so good. I was trying to think who they kinda remind me off and theres the general 70s band vibe and the beach boys harmonies but these new songs and the way theyve blended the set kinda had a jazzy feel to it. Kinda a weather report thing going on. So good. My pictures, as i always deliver, are less than great. I couldnt get a pic of all of them together cuz i was too close (ha real sad huh) Someone threw a bouquet of roses onstage after the main and when they came back for the encore robin had tucked one in his hair. Pretty damn cute and endearing. Anyway there wasnt really a highlight song for me because i really was so in love with it all from start to finish. I just wanted to hear all of those songs so to do so for the first time it just… it was perfect. Im so excited to see them again!!!!! They are now on my would travel out of state to see list.

Just wanna add I love Robin and think he is one of the coolest band dudes out there for a bunch of different reasons that I wont go into cuz this is really long already but he is a good person. A sweetie. Go see Fleet Foxes if they are near you and you like good music. Its worth the ticket price.

[phoneybeatlemania]

Hi, did you see Elliot Roberts' retrospective of John Lennon's discography? Any thoughts? I've seen it twice and still don't know what to think about its accuracy though I shared a lot of his opinions (musically).

Hiya @starlablog!

I really like this ask, since Ive been meaning to talk about Elliot Roberts for awhile now! Im actually quite familiar with him, since Ive been watching his Beatle videos since he started creating them! I think Ive seen all his videos so far? 

[Prefatory note: Ive seen all his videos I think, but cant remember most of them That Well, so im mostly going off of what I recall from his John Lennon video here since that ones still fresh in my mind]

Opinion time: I think theres definitely a gap in the YouTube market, in terms of Beatles content. Theres lot of people who discuss their discographies very analytically, but without being emotionally tuned in to other facets of their work (i.e understanding their works autobiographically/psychologically). As someone who cant read sheet music and frankly refuses to learn (my brother calls it “ugliness on a page” lol), this is SO FAR from the type of content I want to see—I love talking about their music, but Im always more interested in discussing how elements of their own emotions and psychologies and autobiographical circumstances etc. relayed into their discography. There are a few youtubers who Ive seen making videos focussing on their autobiographies, talking about the Controversial stuff (i.e Cynthia and Julian; Yoko) that we typically discuss on different forum platforms—but these videos are all about 5 minutes long, which really isn’t enough time to get a nuanced and well-sourced perspective on anything.

Even if were refraining from talking about their personal lives in a lot of depth, I still thinks it’s just way more FUN to discuss how creative they actually were in their music, and how they came to make their songs (i.e John telling George Martin he wants A Day In The Life to sound like the end of the world), instead of: “and then they used a C major!”. Like who cares??????? Not me :/

This is essentially why I Quite Like Elliot Roberts—because he’s the only YouTuber I know of who makes videos vaguely resembling the type of Beatles-content that would cater to me: not overly-analytical, employing elements of their autobiography into understanding them, and emotionally tuned in. Plus, he brings a bit of Fun and Personality to his discussions, that I don’t typically see with the (boring) music-analyists. 

However, I think his discussions of the band can be lacking in some respects: the main thing for me I think is that his understandings of the actual relationships between the band can be fairly surface-level, I guess. I like that he’s a little more emotionally-tuned into the dynamics between them then other youtubers, but I still think he could delve further into this element :/

I know Ive gone off on SUCH a tangent here, but this all essentially leads me to my opinion on his John discography ranking: I, like you, shared a lot of his opinions musically (I would say my favourite JL album is Plastic Ono Band; Whatever Gets You Thru The Night is a stone-cold SLAP etc.)—but again, its just........missing some things Here and There (and everywhere) in terms of analysis. Almost had to throw my laptop across the room when he demoted mother-fucking-I Know (I Know) to being just  a “cute” song. At least pick up on John literally lifting the opening rift to that song from Ive Got A Feeling, Elliot I am *begging* you (I will pay you real cash!!!!!!!!!). 

Personally, Id love to see YouTube videos with content more similar to the types of things we hear talked about on Beatles-podcasts or in books! Hence why in the summer, Im planning to maybe give this a go? I don’t think id make a particularly good YouTuber, but idk man, somebody’s gotta do it, so I guess I will lol. 

Anyway, not sure if Ive articulated this quite the way I wanted to, but please share your thoughts if you have any! :) 

[caramelcal]

heartbreak girl

Word Count: 2.7k

a/n: ik i have requests to write (i am writing them don’t worry !) but i got super inspired when i was listening to my bbys 5sos

the luke hemmings / luke patterson comparison videos ive seen are my favourites, love it when two fandoms collide lollll

disclaimer: i do not condone plagiarism on my work at all, this has not been posted on any other platforms, or on tumblr anywhere else but my account (rosemoonmist) if you see anyone plagiarizing mine (or anyone else’s work for that matter) please inform the rightful author ! thank you lovelies x 

masterlist

You call me up It's like a broken record Saying that your heart hurts That you'll never get over him getting over you And you end up crying And I end up lying 'Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do

You couldn’t stop playing the video. Ever since it was sent you from a random number, you couldn’t stop crying. The video was barely ten seconds long, but it was ten seconds that broke your heart. There your boyfriend was, clear as day, kissing a girl that wasn’t you.

It isn’t long before you heard the front door open and slam behind someone, reminding you of who you told to come over. Luke, your best friend since you guys met in the sandpit at six years old. When he accidentally pushed you in, so you kicked him in the nuts. You guys had been inseparable ever since.

Luke was your best friend, and you were his. You guys had been through everything together. When he first learned guitar, when you did gymnastics, when he joined a band, when you guys first went to high school, and now, your first heartbreak.

“y/n?” He calls from downstairs, looking around the dark room. He had learned from a young age to just come into your house without knocking, your house was his second home after all.

Of course, you do have a few female friends that you could have called but none of them knew you as well as Luke did and you knew Luke would be there with you through everything. He would understand. He would comfort you better than any girl ever could. You walked down the stairs, trying to keep your sobs in but once you caught eyes with Luke, the tears started to fall.

“Luke,” You let out, looking at the boy barely keeping yourself together.

“y/n/n, what’s wrong?” Luke questions, eyes wracking over your defeated posture before looking up at your puffy red eyes. It was clear you had been crying, but why?

“He- he-,” You cut yourself short, letting back a choked sob as you land at the bottom of the stairs, Luke walking closer to you, his face looking at you with concern, “Luke he was with another girl, he cheated-”

Mind wracking back over the video, you broke down into tears, falling into Luke’s now open arms. Suddenly, once you're in the arms of your best friend all of your walls come crashing down and you start to cry louder, letting out every emotion you felt that night. The sadness, betrayal, and overall heartbreak.

Luke holds the back of your head soothingly as you cry into his chest, playing softly with the hair on your head. By this point, he is supporting all of your weight but he doesn’t mind as he lifts you over to the couch, allowing you to continue crying in a more comfortable position than the awkward standing position you were in moments before.

Whilst Luke was sad hearing you cry, he was overcome with anger.  The fact that the scum would cheat, on you of all people. You were amazing, perfect even, so why would someone ever give away the chance of being with you? He knew he wouldn’t. Luke knew how much you loved and cared for the boy, Jack, and to see him cheat on you, he couldn’t help but be furious.

If he was being honest, the thing he wanted more than anything right now was to hook him right in the face. Punch him right where he stood, busting open his face so that no other girl would ever want to kiss him again. It’s what he deserves. Luke knew he was probably being a bit overprotective, but that didn’t matter to him, what mattered was that you were okay right now.

The last thing you needed in your state of fragility was Luke leaving you by yourself to set into the dickhead. Oh no, that could be done another time when you weren’t crying. What you truly needed right now was his comfort, so that’s what he gave you. He held you close, not even saying anything but hugging you closely, silently reminding you that he was here for you and always would be as you softly lulled into a sleep.

And when then phone call finally ends You say "Thanks for being a friend" And I'm going in circles again and again

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl

Walking down the hall, Luke’s eyes catch onto you. Even though he’s been with you all weekend, comforting you after the video you saw on Friday, just looking at you is a sad reminder of how you are doing. A frown has fallen onto your face whilst you look over at something. Following your gaze, Luke finds him, Jack, with his arm wrapped around the girl in the video.

He wants to punch that stupid smirk off Jack’s face, then they’ll see who’s truly laughing. When Luke’s eyes drift back over to you, he feels his stomach dropping slightly. The look in your gaze makes you look broken, eyes conveying a sense of vulnerability that Luke didn’t think was possible. Maybe it’s just because Luke knows you better and knows how to read you better than everyone else, but he notices all of the changes in you. He sees how your eyes lacked the sparkle they usually had, your usual smile not present, even your outfit seemed a little dull. Nonetheless, you’re still gorgeous, Luke thinks so, but you look different; less lively.

All of this heartbreak just because of a stupid boy. One stupid hard-headed jock that doesn’t know how to truly value the important things in his life. The stupid jock that didn’t know how much you were truly worth.

Luke knows he could treat you so much better if you just gave him the chance to. If you looked his way instead of Jack’s. He would hold you close and never let you go, let you know just how much you meant to him and those truly important around you. He would watch you like the only person in the world because you were the only one that mattered. 

He doesn’t even realize he was staring at you until he hears a cough sound from behind him as Reggie puts an arm over his shoulder, smirking, “You’re staring, pal.”

Luke, who’s eyes briefly glanced over towards Reggie when the bassist spoke, glanced back at you quickly, sighing lightly in relief when he realizes you didn’t notice him staring at you. He shrugs half-heartedly, not noticing the knowing look that Reggie gives him as he speaks, “I can’t, Reg. I’m not supposed to like her like this, she’s my best friend.”

“Best friend or not, I see the way you look at her, everyone does but her,” Reggie says before patting his friend on the back.

“She still likes him Reg, and I’ve known her since we were six. She’s been in so many relationships yet she fell for the stupid jock,” Luke says, shaking his head as his fists clench at his sides. He doesn’t realize but his face contorts into anger, making Reggie smirk, “she deserves so much better. She deserves someone who’s going to appreciate her. Someone who will show her how much she means to them-”

“Someone like you?” Reggie asks, making Luke glance at him with an annoyed expression, huffing. Reggie shrugs his shoulders, “Just saying man if anyone knows y/n it’s you. You just gotta be there for her and she’ll realize how much you mean to her. I mean, everyone thinks you guys are meant for each other, soon she’ll see that too.”

I bite my tongue But I wanna scream out You could be with me now But I end up telling you what you wanna hear But you're not ready And it's so frustrating He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you, it's not fair

And when the phone call finally ends You say "I'll call you tomorrow at 10" And I'm stuck in the friendzone again and again

Luke is frustrated. It has been two weeks since his conversation with Reggie, and the hope Reggie had given him for pursuing a relationship was surely fizzling out. Reggie was wrong, that’s what Luke thought anyway. Not only had you not realized how much Luke was bending his back for you, going out of his way to comfort you, being there for you 24/7, you had been so utterly stupid. Jack had given you the most insincere apology known to man, and you were meeting up with him for a date.

It had been forty-seven minutes since you had left, not that Luke was counting or anything and he still hadn’t heard a word from you. No text, no call, nothing. Jack was probably taking up all of your attention with his boring jock stories or his lame jokes. He probably didn’t even compliment you when you arrived and that was practically criminal.

You had been all dressed up when you left, not that Jack would have even noticed, but Luke did. He noticed the way the outfit you wore looked perfect on you, complimenting everything about you and most importantly, how confident you felt in it. You deserved more than a boy that wouldn’t even tell you that you were pretty, Luke knew that, he just wished you did too. 

He paces around his room, feet aggressively hitting the ground. He wanted to punch something, to let out all of the anger and frustration that was itching, begging to be released. Yet, his anger was cut short when he heard his phone start to ring.

“Hello?”

“Lu?” Your voice sounded through his phone, ringing in his ears.

“Y/n?” Luke said in confusion, eyes glancing up at the time, “Aren’t you supposed to be on your date?”

You hesitate to answer, a complete silence hanging in the air until your light sniffles sound through the phone, “He didn’t show, Lu. M-My mom dropped me off, I don’t have my car. Can you come pick me up?”

“I’ll be there in 10, stay there y/n/n.”

Luke ran out of the house.

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl

I know someday it's gonna happen And you'll finally forget the day you met him Sometimes I'm so close to confession I gotta get it through your head That you belong with me instead

Luke couldn’t help but smile at you, hazel eyes meeting your e/c eyes as he strung his guitar expertly. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for you to be at band practices, actually, you were at a large amount of them. It was normal for you to watch the band, well that’s what you said you were doing, but you were only really looking at Luke.

You didn’t play any musical instruments properly, but you could play a little guitar from what Luke had taught you. You remembered his teaching you, arms wrapped around you, hands guiding your fingers onto the different frets, playing different cords. He didn’t give up when you messed up, and instead, he smiles and shows you again, your back flushed against his chest.

It was no secret that you always enjoyed watching their band practice and perform, but it was different this time because they had gotten you to stop thinking about Jack. This was the first day that you didn’t feel miserable and instead felt happy in their presence. It was the first day that your gleaming smile returned, one that all members of the band had missed.

Soon enough, they were finished, congratulating each other on how well they played with large smiles.

“We’re gonna sound great at the rally!” Reggie says, flipping his bass down to his side so he didn’t have to hold it as he gave Luke a high five before turning to Alex, all of them breathing heavily with huge smiles.

“Of course, we’re still finishing with the other song, right?” Alex asked, eyes looking over at Luke for approval. He nodded his head, making you look at them in confusion.

“What other song?”

Luke glanced over to you, walking closer before kneeling beside you, guitar still in his hand, smirking “Can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.”

You groaned lightly, flinging your head back before giving the boy your puppy eyes, “Please? I won’t tell.”

He laughed lightly, shaking his head at you. Over the years, he had often been the victim to your puppy eyes, and whilst he often found them irresistible, he knew he couldn’t tell you this secret. He playfully slapped you on the arm, “Get those puppy eyes away, they’re not gonna work today.”

“Fine,” you grumbled, standing up before you stood up alongside Luke, who slung an arm over your shoulder. You guys shared a look, almost communicating through your eyes, something that you guys had gotten freakishly good at since you were kids.

“So, who wants to go grab a smoothie?” Luke said, turning his attention towards the rest of the band as you jumped on his back, ready to leave practice for smoothies.

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure Heartbreak girl

Soon enough, the rally at school came and the students surround the stage that the band was playing on. You stood at the back, proudly watching them as they played. Their most recent song blasts through the halls, exciting the students more than you had seen for the previous people on stage, even Dirty Candy. Sweat drips off of them, lights blazing down on them with intensity.

Eyes looking at Luke, you see him jump around when he sings and it brings a smile to your face. You knew this was their surprise song, the song that they were ending with because it was an unfamiliar tune, but one that Luke was pouring every feeling into as he sang the lyrics.

Suddenly, he’s no longer playing his guitar and it’s hanging on the strap by his side, mic detached from the stand and he’s making his way off of the stage and running through the crowd. You’re astonished, not only because Luke is running off stage, but that it somehow isn’t affecting his vocals.

Everyone seems to knowingly make a path for him to run through, almost as if they know where he is going to. Your eyes stay on him as he comes through the crowd, slowing down to a walk as he begins to sing again,

“I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl

Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl.”

His eyes meet yours when he is standing barely feet away from you. His hair is messed up, dripping with sweat but you barely notice. When he stops singing, he lifts the mic away from his face and holds it down away from both of your faces so that it can’t pick up what you’re saying.

People start to talk between themselves, all of them staring at you and Luke standing barely a foot apart, eyes gazing into one another but you don’t notice because you’re too busy looking at Luke. You’re speechless, heart racing faster than you thought humanly possible, with lips slightly apart before he whispers to you, “This is for you, my heartbreak girl.”

Then, his free hand makes its way up and cups your cheek, and his lips connect with yours.

[wordstrings]

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Written and submitted by @delicategoblin:

OK IM OFFICIALLY TERRIFIED BUT IVE EDITED THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF THIS AND I CANT FIND ANYTHING ELSE TO CHANGE SO UHHHHH HERE WE GO. uhhhh you don’t need to anonymize it I’m g with having my actual blog on here i’m just ,,, f r e a k i n g o u t . thank you again for this opportunity though cause i never would have done this otherwise,,,,also it’s kinda cringe i know but i’m fragile ok i needed the Bois being soft

Publisher’s note: The first official fic of I Fixed/Fic’d It: A Supernatural Fluffsgiving Event! I absolutely love this and it’s exactly what my heart needed.

Words: 1,700

—

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Soft puffs of warm air blew onto his chest, it blew the fine hairs that grew there against their follicles. It was an annoying, tickling sensation that made it feel like there was a bug crawling on him. He didn’t move, though, or adjust the sleeping hunter in his arms. It served as a grounding sensation, a reminder that the warm body lying next to him was just that; warm, breathing, alive.

“I c’n feel you look’n at me weird.” Dean’s sleepy voice cut through the gentle silence that hung around them. One sleepy green eye cracked open and he shifted, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s bare torso tighter and burying his nose into his sternum.

“I was admiring you,” Castiel protested indignantly and smiled at the muffled embarrassed noise Dean made against him.

“Less admiring, more sleeping.” He grumbled, and pressed a placating kiss to Cas’s throat. Castiel let out a contented hum and let his fingers glide up Dean’s muscled back, feather-light, and up to the nape of his neck.

“Quit it.” Dean shuddered and fell back onto the mattress with a bleary-eyed glare. Castiel shifted onto his side and smoothed his thumb over the crease in Dean’s forehead that resulted from his affronted expression. Dean didn’t comply with his silent request, and it was Cas’s turn to frown. He leaned down and pressed a tiny chaste kiss to the wrinkle, Dean just shied away and huffed.

“Dean,” Castiel squinted at the stubborn man beside him, who stuck his tongue out and made a point to draw his eyebrows even further - the crease became more prominent. Cas could almost laugh, but this was a challenge. A challenge he didn’t intend to back down from.

“Cas,” He mocked, pulling a face.

Oh, so that’s how it was.

Gears in Castiel’s head were turning, but before they could even quite slot into place, he was on top of Dean, pinning him to the mattress with his weight. Dean’s eyes widened, no longer half-shut with the remnants of sleep, and he sucked in a breath. Pupils blown wide, and Castiel grinned. Dean had a very wrong idea of what was about to happen.

“Dean, you’re very stubborn.”

Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows, before quickly returning to his previous expression, complete with his arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

Castiel hummed as if he were deep in thought, tracing his index finger from Dean’s collarbone to his sternum. Dean cringed and pushed himself back into the mattress.

“Me? Well, I’m going to knock you down a peg or two, in a manner of speaking.” Castiel purred, resting all ten of his fingertips on his ribs, a salacious grin on his face.

“You, on the other hand,” He continued, gliding his hands down to rest at Dean’s sides. “You’re going to smile for me.”

Dean barely had time to swallow nervously before his senses were set alight by tingling, buzzing electricity. He bit his lip and squirmed, grappling with Castiel’s flitting hands.

“C-Cas, c-c’moHAH. Nonono, c’mohon man, this shit’s for kIDS.” His voice raised an octave when the ex-angel who was enjoying this way too much dug his infuriatingly skilled fingers into his tummy.

It took less than three minutes for Dean to be lost to laughter, punctured by the occasional ‘No!’ or ‘Cas!’ and things that were definitely not shrieks when his attacker got to a bad spot.

Cas, the bastard, was watching him with a big stupid smile on his face. It was so wide and genuine Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad when he caught glimpses of his face amidst his thrashing.

“Cas! Cas, it’s like 4 am, stoho- nahaha CAHAHAS NOT THERE, YOUSONUVABIHIHITCH.” Dean cackled and threw his head back with laughter as Castiel’s hands shot into his armpits, he convulsed and clamped his arms down as hard as he could. Nothing could deter Cas’s determined digits.

When Dean’s breathing started sounding labored, Castiel retreated his hands and took to scritching at Dean’s lower belly. Tickling there, just above his waist-band, was the closest thing to giggling he thought Dean Winchester was capable of. His other hand, bored and itching to roam the squirming body beneath him, cupped Dean’s other side and stroked the skin there. There was another layer of squirming away added to Dean’s half-hearted struggle.

“Caaaas, quihihit playing with my chubby spots.” He whined through bubbling laughter. It was innocent enough, but Castiel knew this man well enough to tell the difference between a joke and genuine insecurity.

Castiel pursed his lips and abandoned his tickling, leaning forward to kiss the panting, red-faced mess. Dean was enthusiastic, cupping the back of Castiel’s head, meeting his kiss sloppily with an open mouth and obscene smacking sounds.

When Castiel pulled away, Dean’s hand kept him there; their faces just inches apart, noses brushing.

“You’re the single most beautiful creature in all of creation, Dean Winchester. Inside and out.” Castiel said firmly, cupping Dean’s jaw reverently and looking into his lover’s wide eyes. A faint blush dusted Dean’s cheeks and he dropped his gaze, shrugging, and grumbling. Cas used his hand to nudge Dean’s face back up and pressed kiss after kiss to Dean’s face. His forehead, each eyelid, his nose, his top, and bottom lip, and his chin.

“I’ve seen stars born,” Castiel murmured against his jaw, pressing another kiss to the stubbled skin.

“Galaxies formed,” Another kiss, this time to his neck, then his collarbone, then his sternum.

“Supernovas,” His chest, right over his heart.

“I witnessed the creation of the very first life forms,” His ribs.

“I’m older than time, older than this world, than the universe.” His diaphragm, his stomach, his hip.

“It’s you, Dean. Nothing I’ve ever seen, ever experienced, could ever hold a candle to you. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Dean sat completely still, watching Cas with twinkling eyes, he swallowed thickly and made to sit up, Cas climbed off him and Dean leaned forward, resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“You mean that?” He whispered, taking Castiel’s hand and fiddling with his fingers. Castiel smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head, nodding.

“Yes, Dean. I mean it.”

Castiel could hear the quiver in his breath when Dean inhaled deeply.

“That’s pretty gay, man.” He said shakily, pulling away from Castiel with a wobbly smile on his face.

“That it is. I’d venture to say what I’m about to say is gayer, though; I think your smile is especially beautiful. And your laugh.” Castiel added with a sly smile. Dean was quicker on the uptake, though, and before Cas could follow through on his plan, he found himself pinned to the mattress. Staring down a disgruntled Dean, who wasted no time in reaching behind him and kneading Castiel’s thighs.

He howled with laughter and grabbed blindly at Dean’s arms.

“DEAN! DEAN, STOHOHOP!” He bucked underneath the grinning man.

“You started it! And you were about to ambush me again.” He feigned offense, his words spoken around a laugh. His hands converged on Cas’s ribs and dug into the giggle-shriek-inducing spots between each bone.

Expertly, Dean took Castiel apart. Fingers seasoned with years of big-brother experience. His goal was to just tire Cas out to the point he wouldn’t be able to re-retaliate. Ten fingers scribbled across his belly and Cas was lost to giggles that Dean would never tire of hearing.

“Deheheannn, nahaha I’m sohOHORY!” He barely managed around an honest to god squeal that left his mouth when one of Dean’s curious fingers wiggled into his bellybutton.

“See, I just don’t think that’s true.” Dean tutted.

He could have continued on forever, sweet laughter and adorable attempts at an escape or a plea. But, now that Cas was human and oxygen was kind of a necessity, he made the mature decision (what can he say, falling in love changed him) to stop. He pulled away with a parting raspberry to the side of Cas’s neck, which made him shriek and jackknife under him.

“I didn’t bring you back from super hell just so you could tickle the shit out of me, you know,” Dean said, poking his hip. Cas flinched and rubbed a hand over his face, residual giggles still tumbling out of his mouth. He sighed and parted his fingers, peering up at Dean.

“Why did you bring me back, then?” He challenged. Dean glared down at him, but his gaze held no heat. Maybe some exasperation.

“You know why.”

Castiel pulled his hands away from his face and shrugged innocently.

“I don’t, actually.”

“I told you,” Dean huffed. Don’t ask why he was allowing himself to be swept up into Cas’s little game - maybe he liked it. Or maybe he felt guilty still.

“You told me lots of things - through wailing sobs, so it was hard to understand at times. Here; I’ll even make it easy for you. I love you…”

“I know,” Dean replied in a mocking, honeyed tone as he flopped back onto the mattress, pointedly shutting his eyes. Castiel let out a long-suffering sigh and lay back next to him, body curved around Dean’s; a perfect fit, like pieces of a puzzle slotting together. It was a shame Dean was being too much of a man-baby for Castiel to properly enjoy their compatibility and closeness at the moment.

“You’re impossible,” Cas murmured into the skin of Dean’s shoulder, reaching over to pinch at Dean’s waist. He curled away with a squeak that made Cas’s heart swell and grabbed his hands.

“No more tickling,” He pouted. The other man smiled fondly and pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple.

“No more tickling.” He agreed, nodding solemnly.

Then it was quiet again, peaceful. The soft sounds of Dean’s breaths were in sync with his own - the feeling of his heart beating was still alien to him, even though it wasn’t something he noted often.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said quietly, fingering a mindless pattern on Castiel’s bicep, “I do. Love you, I mean.”

Castiel smiled and pressed his thumb gently into the give of Dean’s thigh, reveling in the softness, the warmth.

“I know.”

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[swissthot]

The Reunion

A pure fluff fic of the band returning from tour. Swiss is readers best friend and Rain is readers s/o.

For @namelessghoulie It was supposed to be just Rain but I put your two favs in just because I love you so much 🖤🖤🖤

It's finally here. Copia and his Ghouls are returning from their latest tour. Today was the day.

They'd been sorely missed by the Congregation and you had tossed and turned all night unable to sleep due to the excitement. You were finally going to see your newest Papa and his ghouls. You couldn't wait to see your best friend Swiss and of course the Ghoulettes. But most of all, you were thrilled that you were going to see your Water Ghoul after what had seemed like forever apart.

You'd spoken on the phone with Rain most days while he was away and video called a few times too, he'd even sent you a few letters along with small trinkets from different places he had been with the band. Now you were running down the stairs towards the front of the Abbey to join the Congregation waiting to welcome the band home. As you hurried on your way, you began to hear the murmuring of the crowd that was beginning to assemble in the entrance to the Abbey.

Once you reached the end of the stairs you saw the mass of people that had gathered. The great entrance doors were thrown wide open and people were spilling out of the doorway into the courtyard in front of the Chapel. Weaving through the crowd you made your way through the doors and claimed a spot to the left of the entrance where you would have a clear view of the driveway.

You nervously tapped your fingers against your thigh as you waited, it was a long time coming and now that it was almost time the anticipation was killing you. Just when you started to bounce from one foot to the other you heard the crunching of tyres on gravel. Your eyes snapped up to see three sleek black cars coming down the driveway towards you. Behind you a chorus of "they're here" and "look they're coming" started to echo out and other Siblings started to surge forward in hopes of getting a better view. You held your ground against the crowd and as the cars came to a stop in front of the Abbey, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest.

Cheers rang out around you as a Ghoul opened the rear door of the first car and the newly appointed Papa Emeritus IV stepped out. Resplendent in his new Papal vestments and skull paint, he paused to take in the crowd gathered to welcome him back to the Abbey. You were captivated by his bejeweled Mitre and your eyes followed him as he started to make his way through his flock of Siblings and up the steps towards the Chapel. You were so focused on Papa that you completely missed someone calling your name out behind you.

You startled when a hand came to rest on your shoulder and another was held gently across your eyes blocking your view of Papa Emeritus IV.

"Guess who, love." a deep voice laced with mirth rumbled into your ear.

"You know what, I haven't got a clue." you teased, knowing exactly who it was.

"Hmm are you sure about that?" he asked as his hand slipped from your shoulder to tickle at your ribs. You were instantly squirming away from your attacker but he held you firm as he continued his assault on your ribs.

"How about now?"

"Okay okay! Swiss please stop!" you gasped for breath as the Ghoul let go of you just to turn you around and bundle you up into an enormous hug. He brought his face level with yours as he set you down. His deep golden eyes seemed to be sparkling and you could see the fanged, toothy grin behind his mask as well.

"I missed you, love. Touring gets boring when I haven't got you to tease. Oh and don't even get me started on your Rainey boy! He's been pining for you the whole time! I've got so much to tell you, and some juicy gossip too! But that can wait till you've seen Rain, judging by the looks of him he's about to run over here and steal you away all to himself." His eyes flicked over your shoulder as he spoke and his forked tongue poked out of his mouth and waggled at whoever he was looking at.

Just as you were about to follow Swiss' gaze, his arms came around you once more and he held onto you tight as he spun you both around in a circle. Your laughter rang out together and your arms wrapped around his neck as you realised how much you'd missed Swiss. His chaotic energy was infectious and he never failed to put a smile on your face. You were well aware of the attention Swiss was drawing to you but you couldn't care less right now, your favourite people were back at the Abbey and you were finally going to be able to spend time together again.

"Swiss put me down I'm getting dizzy!" you squealed as he seemed to speed up his spinning. You squeezed your eyes shut as the blur of your surroundings started to affect you. Tightening your arms around his neck so you didn't slip, you buried your face into the crook of his neck, the fabric of his jacket soft against your cheek and the scent that you could only describe as unmistakably Swiss caught your senses.

He set you down just as gently as the first time, his strong hands coming to hold your waist as you swayed about slightly.

"Come find me later, I've got a tour present for you and we can catch up. Now you'd better go, Rain is giving me the stink eye for monopolising all your attention."

You held onto his arms until you stopped swaying and your head stopped spinning. The last thing you needed was to embarrass yourself by falling over on your way to Rain.

"I'm so glad you're back, Swiss. It's been too quiet without you causing trouble around the Abbey. Although I think Sister Imperator has enjoyed the break from yours and Dewdrop's mischief." You grinned at him as you spoke knowing that the Sister was soon going to have her hands full of rowdy band Ghouls once more."I'll see you later, okay? I know he's waiting for me." You gave him one more soft smile before turning to find Rain.

You spotted him leant up against one of the cars the band had arrived in. He was all long legs and easy elegance as he waited. Rain's eyes were cast down to the ground as he was seemingly fixated on the gravel he was moving around under his boot. You immediately felt a pang of guilt as you watched him, feeling bad for being so completely focused on Swiss.

He must have felt your gaze on him because his eyes quickly darted to lock with yours. Even from this distance you could see the soft yellows and golds of his honey coloured eyes sparkling in the sunlight. You stayed like that for several moments, just waiting, staring at each other. Seeing who was going to make the first move. You hadn't realised until you felt his hand give you a gentle push that Swiss was still behind you. But it was all you needed to get you moving towards your Water Ghoul.

Your feet quickly picked up into a run and before you knew it Rain was pushing himself away from the car and you slammed into him, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you possibly could. He'd been away so long and yet you still fit together perfectly. With your cheek against his chest you could hear his thundering heart beat.

"I missed you." he whispered into your ear before tucking his head into the crook of your neck and deeply breathing in your scent. It was so comforting and familiar to him and you could feel some of the tension leave his body as he held you even tighter. You could have stood like that forever, wrapped up in his embrace, one of the only places you ever felt truly at peace but it seemed Rain had other ideas.

He pulled back from your embrace and though you were sad to lose his touch it was easily made up in the way he was gazing so lovingly at you.

"I have something for you." Your Ghoul reached into the inner pocket of his jacket as he spoke and took hold of your hand in his free hand. Carefully he placed your present into your waiting palm. Two fairly large pieces of perfectly smooth sea glass. One was blue and the other honey coloured. They were almost a near perfect match for his changeable eye colour.

"I found them on the beach in Mexico, after our final ritual. I thought we could add them onto your necklace together, if you'd like that?" Rain spoke shyly, almost as if he was certain you'd reject the idea. You could just imagine the blush on his cheeks under his mask as he looked at you waiting for your answer.

"I'd love that, Rain." You ran your fingers over the glass as you spoke, your voice catching slightly in your throat. You knew you were so incredibly lucky to call this Ghoul your own. Before you could do anything to stop it you were crying.

"Hey why are you crying?" He asked, the concern plain his eyes.

"It's okay, they're happy tears. I just missed you so much, I'm so glad you're home."

"So am I," His hand came up to hold your cheek as his thumb wiped away one of your tears. His eyes were soft and his voice was gentle as he spoke, "Home is wherever you are."

You took his hand and laced your fingers together as you headed towards the dorms. Your Ghoul was home, and hopefully he wouldn't be going anywhere for a long while yet.

[aliferous-ly]

Or 10 with logince that one seems to have Plenty of Potential :3c

so i ended up literally only using two words of this prompt and it’s probably the Opposite of where your mind went HOWEVER…. ive been thinking about the witcher and listening to the amazing devil but am still incredibly soft so thats THIS

10: “Teach me how to play?”

summary: roman doesn’t know anything about logan, other than the fact that logan will learn about anything he can. good thing roman loves to talk.

warnings: bandits, horses, physical fights

Logan, the elusive reader without a past, really liked to learn, Roman swiftly found out. 

It started like this: Roman hated working in his mother’s bookshop, because it was boring, and he had to be entirely creative to find entertainment. 

It started like this: One night, his mother was away, Roman was searching for their most adventure-y book, his brother was starting a fire or something upstairs in their house. 

It started like this: the door slammed open, harsh winds and swirling rain pelting through, and Logan stumbled in. 

Roman had instantly forgone his search and lurched forwards, just barely catching the man before he went sprawling over the paneled floor. He was shaking, soaking wet, and yet it seemed as if glitter and shine exuded from his very being. 

“Are you alright?” Roman had asked. The man had looked up at him and Roman lost all articulation at the golden gaze fixed upon him. 

“Thank you,” the man had said. “My name is Logan.” 

And that was that. 

Logan wandered around, asking a million questions about everything, like he’d just been born. But Roman could pick up on an accent from -- somewhere (he really wanted to know where), so his culture must have been very different from Roman’s own. 

“What are these?” Logan said, pointing to a page in a random book. 

“Pages?” Roman said, furrowing his eyebrow. 

“The little black markings,” Logan clarified. He ran his finger over the words, something like reverence in his gaze. 

“Words,” Roman said. “Stories.” He paused. “Can you read?” 

“Read,” Logan tried the word. He stared at the bookshelf, then turned to Roman with a gasp of enlightenment. “No! Can you teach me?” 

And Roman was like -- fuck it, he’s bored, some pretty man was asking him to spend time with him, sure, so he said, “Yeah.” 

And at midnight, Logan smiled, thanked him, and left, like a wisp, a fae, a creature of the woods. 

He returned two nights later, and Roman continued to teach him, and three times a week Roman would see Logan and never be able to decipher his past, his goals, anything, just that he loved -- loved -- to learn. 

Endlessly. 

--

“Can you do that?” Logan asked, pointing at the horse-back riders clopping through the square. Roman sniffed. Some people were so entitled, romping around the center of town with a horse like some sort of knight, like they couldn’t dismount and lead their horse like any proper person. 

“Yes,” Roman said. 

“Can you teach me?” 

“I don’t have a horse,” Roman said. Logan’s expression screwed up and Roman’s heart fluttered, which, nope, not okay. “Despite how much I know you love big smelly beasts,” he said, intending to counter any soft expression that threatened to settle on his face. Nailed it. 

Logan shot him an unamused look. “Creative.” 

“If you can’t think of a good comeback just say so and I will bask humbly in my glory,” Roman said. 

“I don’t think you know the meanings of those words,” Logan said. 

“Of course I do,” Roman said. He steered them out of the way of an obvious pick-pocket. Really? In this small town, where nobody has anything? “I merely use them wrong.” 

“I hate that,” Logan said. He stared at a decoration on a lamppost and opened his mouth. 

“It’s for the upcoming holidays, we celebrate the conclusion of the harvest,” Roman explained before Logan could ask. “And I know you do.” 

“Insufferable,” Logan said. He’d learned the word four months prior and absolutely adored it. Evidently. 

“Aw, you say the sweetest things,” Roman said. He gasped. “Oh my god, Dot is selling candy again, let’s go I need to show you what sugar bears are.” 

Logan peered at him as Roman tugged him down the street intrigued shine in his eyes. 

--

Roman took Logan to the city, and on the way back three bandits decided to, well. Rob them (Band them? No--).

So Roman is like, handing over their things because he values his life and also Logan’s, when Logan puts an arm out. 

“Um,” Roman said, glancing between Logan and the three impatient bandits. “Logan?”

“What are they doing?” Logan said, glaring. 

“R… robbing us…?” Roman said. He swallowed. Logan looked furious, angry in a way Roman had never seen before. 

“Taking that which is not theirs,” Logan said. He narrowed his eyes. “Roman, is killing a proper response to… ‘robbing’?” 

Roman blinked, then opened his mouth to ask what the hell because what the hell, when one of the bandits started forward with a harsh “This is taking too long,” reaching for Roman’s face. 

Roman flinched back, only… within one heartbeat and the next, the bandit splayed out five feet in front of him, twitching unnaturally. 

Logan shifted, sliding his feet back. Roman’s heart skipped a beat. He was reminded, starkly, of the moment Logan showed up at his bookshop, like his veins were filled with gold. 

The other two bandits yelled, one of them stumbling backwards, the other jerking forward, knife in hand. Logan was forward in a flash, spinning and moving through the air like he had wings. The knife flew from the bandit’s hand and Logan pressed his hand against their throat -- 

“Stop!” Roman said. He pulled on Logan’s shoulders to no effect and Roman was suddenly faced with the knowledge that Logan was incredibly strong, much stronger than Roman himself. “Don’t kill them.” 

“I didn’t,” Logan said, and then the bandit dropped. Unconscious, but breathing, to Roman’s relief. 

The third bandit simply ran, tripping over their feet to distance themself from Logan as much as possible. Logan tensed under Roman’s hands but didn’t move, instead turning on his heel and oh god they’re very close, they’re so much closer than Roman thought --

Roman swallowed. “Um.”

Logan peered at him, hair disheveled. “You’re okay?” 

“I -- yes -- you--!” Roman sputtered. “You can fight?” 

“Yes,” Logan said. He shifted. “I have known my whole life.” 

Roman blinked, trying to decide if that was devastating or hot or maybe some mixture of both. Then he surged forward, eyes wide. 

Logan gripped at his arms, surprise jumping through his face as Roman pressed towards him. 

“Teach me?” Roman said, staring into Logan’s golden eyes. “Please?” 

Something like love flickered across Logan’s expression. Roman’s heart constricted in his chest. 

“Of course,” Logan said, and he smiled, and Roman’s world ground to a halt. His thudding heart and heat flashes and desire to always be around Logan made sense, now. 

It ended like this: Logan loved Roman, somehow. 

It ended like this: Roman learned all -- almost, all -- of Logan’s secrets, even if it took years. 

It ended like this: Roman loved Logan, more than anything.

[diazevan]

30. Recovery

I. 356 Days Without Peter

It had almost been a year.

Since the Avengers lost, and Thanos won. 

The Titan was dead, that might seem like a victory, but it wasn’t. His death served no purpose. He died the victor, and there was no changing that.

Tony struggled to move on, in the wake of devastation. It hurt to breathe every day, knowing that Peter Parker was gone.

Survivor’s guilt had made itself comfortable, pressed against his chest, slowly suffocating him. He buried his pain deep but made sure he never forgot his ridiculously intelligent, and caring mentee. They say you’re not forgotten until someone speaks your name for the last time, and Tony had a plan, to make sure the universe chorused Peter’s name, until the end of time itself. Tony didn’t sleep much, as unhealthy as that was, it did come in handy with a newborn baby. Morgan Stark.

Since Peter died, Tony felt like life stopped, as if everything around him was frozen in time. He still felt like that, the space Peter left behind would always be there, however, Morgan helped him along. Tony could now feel time passing, but it was slow.  Morgan was three days old, and Tony hated letting her out of his sight, even for a second. He did that with Peter, and before he knew it, the kid was fading away. The fixation was self-deprecating but he couldn’t risk losing her too. Happy was yet to meet Morgan. He’d been in Europe when the big day came, and couldn’t make it back in time. Tony could tell he was upset that he missed such a tremendous event, but he would make up for it.  “He’s here,” Tony whispered, he watched as Happy jumped out of his car and raced up the porch stairs. Morgan was fast asleep in Pepper’s arms, she smiled as Happy opened the front door. “Hey…” Tony went to greet him, but Happy simply handed him a gift bag and hurried over to Pepper. Tony stood in shock, “Um, wait.” He turned, “You know, I hate being handed things.” Happy didn’t give a shit about what Tony was saying, he was too busy cooing over his niece, “Wow.”  Pepper shook her head as she chuckled, “This is Morgan.” Happy grinned, “She’s amazing.” “Hey…” Tony teased, “I’m meant to be the centre of your world, Hogan.” Happy snorted a laugh, “You sure are, boss.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes, “Yeah, that’s likely.” His mouth twitched into a smile as he watched on, he hadn’t seen Happy like this in a long time, not since before they lost Peter. The kid had a knack for finding his way into the heart of those with the coldest exteriors, it took him a while but eventually, he did it with Happy. Happy took Peter’s death hard, even if he didn’t show it. He confessed his guilt, he felt responsible for Peter and wished he had done something that day, to stop Peter from joining the fight. Tony’s curiosity got the best of him, and he reached into the gift bag. His heart leapt up into his throat, as he pulled out a onesie. Not any old boring onesie, but a Spider-Man one, inspired by Peter’s suit.  Tears filled his eyes as he studied it. It was one of the most adorable things he’d ever seen in his life.  “Sorry, I should have warned you…” Happy eased, “I saw it, and could hear the kid telling me to get it…..I mean, he’d kill me if I’d ignored it.” Pepper smiled, with misty-eyes, “It’s beautiful.” Tony blinked away tears, “Yeah.” He wasted no time in charging over and tackling Happy in a hug. Happy let out a wet laugh, as he folded an arm around Tony’s back. This was perfect and was exactly what Tony needed.  He couldn’t save his kid, but he could be damn well sure that they would remember him.  II. 718 days without Peter New York City mourned Peter too. They missed their Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man and everything he stood for.  Their love for him sparked a holiday. Spider-Man Day. It was a festival, of sorts; famous bands (or what was left of them) headlined, tickets sold out quickly, and streets were closed across the city.  It was crazy, and Tony knew Peter would freak out if he were around to see it. Morgan’s first birthday happened to fall on the second Spider-Man Day. So, naturally, they took her.  She wore adorable ear defenders, and a new Spider-Man outfit, as she’d outgrown the last. She spent the day, clapping at everything, and happily gurgling at all images of Spider-Man. They found an empty cafe for lunch, because being who they were, they got noticed.  Pepper popped to the toilet, while Tony entertained Morgan. She was yet to say her first word, so they enthusiastically enunciated every word they said, in the hope, it would make it easier for her to pick up. Tony took the Spider-Man plushie he bought for her, she leaned forward in her high chair, she cooed as she held out his hands, “You want it?” He handed it over, “There you go, little miss.” Morgan blew a happy raspberry as she squished the toy, with love, “You like it?” He asked as he bopped her nose, “Me too.” Morgan flung her hands back, over excitedly, the toy fell out of her grasp onto the floor. She leaned down, frantically searching for it. “Oh no…” Tony sighed sympathetically, “Don’t worry, I’ve got…”  “Pee–ty!” Morgan exclaimed urgently as she tried to reach it.  Tony stared at her, with wide-eyes, “You…”  “P…etey!” She chanted again, adamant in her need.  “Um, okay…” Tony stuttered, in disbelief, “I’ve got him.”  He picked up the toy and gave it back to her.  She wrapped her arms around it protectively, the closest she’d ever get to hugging her brother, “Petey…” She said, softly, as she cradled the toy.   “Yeah.” Tony hiccuped, as he brushed his fingers against her cheek, “That’s right, Morguna.” He bent over, kissing her forehead, “You’re brilliant.”  Peter was the subject of many of Morgan’s bedtime stories, so it made sense that his name was her first word, but it tugged at Tony’s heartstrings as she happily chanted it, without a care in the world.  Pepper skipped over, Tony looked up at her, with teary-eyes, “Honey…” She said, worried, “What’s wrong?” Morgan perked up, “Petey!” Pepper’s breath hitched as her focus shifted to their daughter, “Oh.” She knelt, Tony watched as she showered Morgan with praise, he smiled, as he wiped tears away with the back of his hand. Morgan was still too young to realise that Peter was real, not just a fairytale. Right now, Tony was content with him being her hero. III. 1827 days without Peter  Time used to pass by slowly.  However, as Morgan grew, it flew by, in an instant. She’d been a baby one day, and then, suddenly she was four. Tony couldn’t tell where the time had gone. It hadn’t healed the loss of Peter. That hurt was still there. Every day it followed him like a shadow, in everything he did. It was ironic, that Tony been mourning him for longer than he had known him; Peter left an impact, especially on Morgan, even though the pair never met. She idolized him, not only as Spider-Man but as Peter Parker too.  She was mischievous and found her way into rooms, cupboard, places she shouldn’t be. She found a box of Peter’s old stuff, that Tony had saved from his and May’s apartment before it was sold. She loved his punny t-shirts and had started wearing them as pyjamas.  Slowly, she realised that Peter was real, and Tony could tell, she wasn’t far away from wanting to know why she never got to meet him. Morgan’s grief for Peter, would one day marvel Tony’s. He knew Peter, he got to love him, and watch him grow.  Morgan only had stories, and when she reached a certain age, that wouldn’t be enough, and she’d realise what she missed out on. Morgan was charging around, in her Spider-Man jumper, playing her solo edition of ‘Cops and Robbers’ which was basically‘Spider-Man and Robbers.’  She stopped, and climbed up onto the couch, next to Tony. She leaned her head against his bicep as she caught her breath.  “You tired?” He asked as he twiddled his fingers through her hair. She shook her head, as she stared down at the floor. Tony could tell there was something on her mind, “What’s wrong, baby?” She anxiously fumbled with the sleeves of her jumper, “Where’s Petey?” She asked, her voice low as if she were scared to say it. “Oh.” Tony swallowed the dread in his throat, “Come here.” He gently moved her onto his lap, and locked a strong arm around her front, “You know about the blip?” “Yeah. People disappeared…” “They did.” Tony confirmed, as he brushed strands of hair out of her eyes, “You see, Peter was one of those people.” “I know that.” She held out a hand,  “It’s just…where is he?” “Um…” Tony stuttered unsurely, “I don’t know, honey.” She pressed her head against his chest as she looked up at him, “Is he lost?” “Something like that.”

A knowing smile grew on her face, “I have an idea!” She escaped Tony’s grasp, and charged around the room, in a state of joy. 

“Yeah?”  Morgan froze, “I’m gonna ask Santa if he can find him.” Tony kept up appearances, a small smile, not wanting to burst her bubble.  She charged away, in search for paper, to write an early Christmas list. Tony sniffled, as tears spilt down his cheeks. His heart was heavy and he found it impossible to breathe. Morgan could ask Santa for anything, and she was going to ask for something she could never have. IV. The day Peter returned  They did it.  The Avengers achieved the impossible.  They were back, all of them. Everyone they lost.  It took five years, and many sacrifices, but they did it. Tony would admit, he only did it for Peter. He didn’t care if that sounded selfish, screw what anyone else thought. It was true. If Peter had survived, there was no way in hell Tony would have even considered the time heist.  Tony was pushed down to the ground. He flipped around, ready to fight, but the creature looming over him had the upper hand. Then, as if he’d never been gone, Peter webbed the creature up and pulled it back, effortlessly. Scott, as Giant-Man, then squished it, for good measure.  Peter charged over, closing the distance between them. Tony’s heart stopped, and the air was knocked clean from his lungs. He didn’t know to do or say. When you mourn someone, you don’t expect them to come back. There are five stages of grief, but this needed a new definition. A sixth stage, to help those who got their loved ones back after going through the recovery of losing them.  Peter grabbed Tony’s arm and pulled him to his feet, with ease, “Holy cow! You will not believe what’s been going on!” He exclaimed as he held onto Tony’s arm, “Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? I must’ve passed out, because I woke up, and you were gone.” He rambled, holding out his arm, “But Doctor Strange was there, right? He was like, “It’s been five years. Come on, they need us."” He twirled his hand around, to emphasize his tale, “And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time.” Tony couldn’t hold back, as much as he loved to hear Peter talk like there was no tomorrow. He moved forward, pulling Peter into a hug, holding him as close as he could.  “What are you doing?” Peter hiccuped, confused. God, this kid would never understand what they’d been through in the wake of losing him. How empty the world was without him in it, “Oh, this is nice.” Tony leaned, to press a kiss against Peter’s cheek, “Mr. Stark?” Tony didn’t give a shit about the battle around them, he had his kid back in his arms. He would take every precaution now, to keep him safe. He would take helicopter parenting to a whole new level. Tony stepped back, to study him. He deactivated the nanotech on his hand, so he could cup Peter’s cheek, “You’re back…” “What?” Peter raised an eyebrow, “You miss me? Tony scoffed a cry, “Oh, kid. You don’t know the half of it.” He tugged him into another hug. He silently thanked the stars, and Natasha Romanoff, for saving his kid.

Also, Morgan, whose seemingly impossible Christmas wish had come true.

V. 34 days since Peter returned Tony thought he was going to die. He put on that gauntlet, knowing that it would destroy him but that didn’t matter. The world was falling apart, and he was the one who had to put it back together.

If he died, he did it for the future of his children. In the knowledge that they’d at least be together.

However, when the prominent smell of hospital disinfectant overwhelmed his nostrils, he realised he’d survived. Wow, he loved it when he did that. Although, he wasn’t sure how he’d managed it, and he probably had more than a few people to thank. 

He blinked his eyes open as ignored the annoying beeping coming from the machines around him. He could hear Rhodey, his friend was closeby, talking outside in the corridor. He was talking to May...that was May's voice. She was back and alive. Tony was spaced, but he could make out a few things; Pepper was fast asleep, with her head rested against the bed, and her hand laid on top of his.  His heart fluttered, at the sound of familiar snoring that came from the other side of the room. A sound that he hadn’t heard in five years.

He turned and saw something he never thought he would.  Peter was fast asleep on the couch in the corner, and curled up, rested in his arms, was Morgan. They were together, it was real.  Tony smiled, knowing this marked the day, where his life truly began. 

[pkmn-thenextgeneration]

27 Ash and Paul?

28th, JUNE of 2018

9:43 A.M.

6578 Galvinize Ave, Pewter City, Kanto 01276

Pewter Arcean General Hospital

“How long has that been there Ash?” Brock’s fingers pressed against his temples as he watched Joy examine the small bump she’d found in Ash’s stomach, pressing her fingers around it gently.

“I don’t know...?” Ash could only stare up at the bright white ceiling above him, too embarrassed to look at Annie, and certainly didn’t want to look over at his best friend while he was in nothing but his briefs and a hospital gown.

“Are you sure this doesn’t hurt Ash?” Annie asked again, pressing down a bit harder first. Ash shook his head again, she frowned. “I dunno Brock, it could just be a tumor. I mean, he did tell me that you always liked to take Pokémon moves head on. It could also just be scarring built up over the years.” She turned down to Ash. “I know this is breaking all of the HIPAA Regulations but, we’re both Doctors here and two minds are better than one.” She sat up and pulled off her gloves.

Ash didn’t know what to say as she helped him sit up. “But if it’s a tumor... how long do you think he’s been living with that?” Brock was frustrated as he took a seat across from her. Ash looked over at Joy for her answer, and all she did was shrug.

“It’s really so hard to tell. First thing’s first.” She handed Ash a new patient packet. “You now have to fill that out because I’m admitting you. Then, after that, we’ll get you a room and start tests.”

“You mean blood tests?! And getting one of those... waterlines into me?” Ash’s elbows began to throb just at the thought of having Joy jam needles into them. “I don’t know...” He looked down at the papers. “I don’t even know what kind of insurance I’m on. Paul usually keeps all that stuff in his wallet..”

Both Brock and Annie looked at each other before looking at Ash. “Ash... you should call him.”

“He doesn’t even know I’m here. I didn’t want him to worry.” Ash shrugged. “But it’s either a huge scar or a tumor and that means...” Ash couldn’t even say the word. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes as he thought about it.

Joy sat down in front of him and moved the clipboard. “Look at me Ash. If it’s that, if it’s cancer, you know that we will all be here for you. Especially Paul. I think you should call him. You’re gonna need support for whatever I find. Okay?” A soft hand held his face and brushed away his tears and she was smiling at him so sweetly he couldn’t even bring himself to feel sad anymore.

Ash only nodded before he blinked a few times and looked over at his friend. “I can see why you recommended her. She’s amazing. Can you hand me my phone? It’s in the pocket of my jeans.” Brock only smiled at him softly and handed him his phone.

Ash slowly scrolled through his phone and clicked on Paul’s name and held it out and away from him so the video feed wasn’t just his face. It took a few moments before a hologram of Paul’s head and shoulders popped up above his phone. “Hey...”

“What’s going on?” It was then that Ash remembered he was in a polka dot hospital gown. “Ash, what’s wrong?”

“I’m in the hospital.” Ash couldn’t even stop his voice from cracking, all of his previous thoughts rushing back to him. “I’m in Pewter City. Can you come?”

“Of course I’ll come. What happened?” Paul’s usually stoic face was full of concern, Ash hadn’t seen that face in a long time, he didn’t realize how much he missed it.

“I think...” Ash looked away. “I found something in my stomach, like a month ago but I thought I just ate too much but... now it’s bigger and I just..” He watched as Paul’s face drop and his eyes close tight. “Joy and Brock think it might be cancer... or scarring.. or something... I just.. I need you here.”

“Where’s Pikachu?”

“He’s on the other side of the hospital getting pampered by Brock’s interns.” Ash brushed away small tears and he watched as Paul put on his jacket and start to wrap a scarf around his neck.

“I’ll try to get there as fast as I can, could be an hour and a half.”

“Okay... can you send me the insurance information?” He watched the background in Paul’s hologram change as he moved through the castle. “I don’t have it, and Joy’s booking me a room and she needs to take some tests.”

“They’ll get the information when I get there. Just fill out what you can, I’ll see you soon.” Paul stopped just outside of the castle. “I love you Ash. I’m gonna be there soon.”

“I love you too.” Ash held back tears as Paul hung up and he put his phone down and started filling the packet out again. Once he was finished he handed it to Brock who began to put him into the system and made him a new paper chart.

“Just don’t look at the needle okay Ash?”

“Okay.” Ash replied, tensing as Joy poured alcohol onto her hands and rubbed them together before pulling on a new pair of gloves and started to prep his arm. “Is this really necessary J-“, he couldn’t help but whine has he felt her tie the rubber band around his arm and then pushed in the needle. He tried his best to not look as Brock handed her empty vial after empty vial. Ash felt himself start to hyperventilate. “O-Oh Mew, how many do you need??”

“As much as I can get so we can run the right tests Ash. Just stay calm and breathe. See? This is already your IV. All I’m taking from is the second tube.”

Ash just shuddered as he looked at the long tube that branched out. About fifteen tubes in total were filled before he was being wheeled off to a private room by Brock who LAUGHED at him.

“Stop laughing. I hate needles.” Ash frowned as Brock pushed him into an elevator. “Torturers.”

“Hey. You don’t even have a needle in you, if that makes you feel any better. It’s a small rubber tube. You’ll feel better once they put a nice cool bag of water on you.” His leg shook as he thought about it.

“That doesn’t sound nice.” He tried his best to not think about it. And failed, and Brock laughed even harder at the long whine he was emitting.

“Come on Ash. You’ll be okay. You’re gonna get through this. You always do. We’re gonna get through this.” Ash looked up at his mean doctor friend in his stupid white coat. Brock looked back down at him and patted his hair in the loving, big brother way.

And that made Ash feel like everything was gonna be okay. “Will you bring Pikachu? So I’m not alone until Paul comes?”

“Of course Ash.”

————

“Piii..” Pikachu purred softly as he kneaded Ash’s stomach, near the stupid cancer tumor scar demon thing that was most likely gonna kill him. Ash reached out and gently rubbed his buddy’s head, a soft smile easily forming as Pikachu cooed and leaned up into the pats.

“I love you too buddy.” Ash moved his hand to Pikachu’s back, rubbing small circles into his back.

“Pika!” Was his answer. He watched in amusement as Pikachu stretched and went limp against him, a steady purr just coming from him.

He’d been waiting for nearly an hour now, flipping through channel after channel of boring morning tv. Apart of him wanted to nap, but he didn’t want to without Paul there.

Like he’d been summoned, the door opened and there stood his fiancé, heavy coat in hand. Ash cracked a smile at him. “Hey you two.”

“Hey there Munchlax.” Paul closed the door behind him as a sweet feline Pokémon ran for him, jumping up gracefully onto the bed and nuzzled him. “Sylveon.” He purred softly and Paul put his coat and scarf on the rack near the door before making his way over and pressed a gentle kiss to Ash’s lips. It was Ash’s turn to hum as Paul pulled away and sat down next to him, a hand reaching out to rub Pikachu’s back.

A soft “Chuu” filled the room along with the soft ping of Ash’s heart machine. Sylveon nuzzled Pikachu before he laid down under the arm where Ash had his IV and wrapped his ribbons around it.

“Thank you Sylveon..” He gently rubbed it’s head before he looked over at Paul. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when I first found out...” Ash looked down to when Paul gently took his hand.

“Don’t be...” Paul just shrugged at him before lifting his hand to kiss his knuckles. “I’m here now. With you. For you.” He kissed Ash again, smirking as the pinging sped up a bit.

“You’re evil.”

“Am not.” Paul let go of Ash’s hand and moved to stand. “You look tired.” He walked around the bed to the windows and pulled the blinds close and headed for the other wall near the door and dragged down the dials. “You should get some rest. Who know’s how long it’ll take for your test results to come back.”

Ash stared at him from where he laid, Pikachu had stayed in his place on Ash’s stomach, and Sylveon didn’t budge from his spot but Ash did his best to scoot over. “Lay with me?” He could just barely make out the smile on Paul’s face.

“Of course.” Ash waited as Paul scooted himself into the small hospital bed and wrapped him up in his arms.

Instantly, he felt better as he turned his head so his face was turned into Paul’s chest, the faint smell of his cologne lulling him to sleep.

————

Ash wasn’t sure what woke him up, the soft knock on his room door or Paul gently blowing in his face. He blinked a few times and looked up at him, soft smile on his face.

His attention was then turned to the door opening, Brock was wheeling in an odd looking machine while Joy followed with a frosty looking bag of water. “You’re gonna feel a little cold for a moment, but you’ll be fine afterwords.”

Ash looked up and noticed that his IV was nearly empty, and while he didn’t have to go, he did feel refreshed. And that continued on when Joy hung the water bag with tiny beads of ice in it, he whined for a moment as he felt the cold work it’s way up his arm and then across his chest before he felt warm again. “What’s that machine for?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“This is a sonogram machine. We just want to check something... because if we’re wrong like we probably are, we’ll have to run a few more tests.” She smiled at him and hurried around the bed to hug Paul. “Hi Paul.” She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Hello Anne. Brock.” Paul did the same before pulling away and getting up to hug Brock.

Ash continued to stare at the machine in confusion. “What’s a sonogram?”

Brock sat down at the machine and started to set it up for Joy as she pulled on a pair of gloves and directed Paul to the seat next to the bed. “It’s the technical word for an Ultrasound. Kinda. It’s just a picture machine, like an X-ray but it uses sound instead of radiation.” Annie smiled at him as she lifted up the hospital gown and pulled the blankets up and wrapped them into his underwear.

Ash didn’t say anything as Brock finished and rolled the machine over to Annie who poured a cool gel onto his stomach, just above the stupid cancer tumor scar demon thing. “Now you’re gonna feel some pressure but don’t worry, it’s just so we can get a good look.” And she placed down the handle of the machine and Ash watched as the dark screen suddenly changed.

Joy’s hand moved around a bit, searching around the cancer tumor scar demon thing first before she rolled it right on top of it and suddenly the picture changed. Ash strained to see what it was as she rolled it around. Suddenly she looked over at Brock and nodded, and put the probe back onto him and started to take full pictures of whatever she was looking at.

“What is it?” Paul spoke for the both of them, and Ash turned to see him standing over her shoulder as she clicked away at the controls. Once she was satisfied, she put the probe on Ash’s lap and turned back to the both of them.

“It’s a baby.” Joy grinned, flipping through the photo’s she’d taken. “It’s your baby. It’s not cancer, or scar tissue...”

“What?!” “Pikachu!” Ash blinked as he looked down at his stomach, and then at Paul, and then back to his stomach. He could already feel his cheeks getting red as Paul sat down heavily next to him. “I’m pregnant?”

Both Joy and Brock nodded with certainty. She picked the probe back up and clicked to a different screen and pressed it back into his stomach. On the machine Ash could see a heartbeat monitor just like his on the screen, and she moved it around again to show.. a small... heart.. beating away. “You’re having a baby Ash. I don’t know how, but.. it’s there.”

He didn’t realize he was crying until Pikachu nuzzled him and spread wetness across his cheeks. He could feel Sylveon’s ribbons working their way around his waist, and Ash knew the Pokémon was happy. He turned to Paul, in shock. “I’m pregnant.”

Paul looked at him and reached a hand out for Ash’s stomach, placing it down gently, not caring that it was still covered in the blue gel. Had anyone else been in the room, they would have never seen the single tear that ran down his face. “Yeah. You are.”

Joy finally put up the probe and cleaned Ash off with a warm wet towel while Brock set out to print out the pictures Joy took. “Congratulations you two. Ash, you look about twenty one weeks along. That’s nearly five months, you’re gonna have to be super careful from now on okay? With everything, with what you eat to how hard you train. I don’t even want you lifting anything more than ten pounds.” Ash could only nod in wonder as he and Paul both stared at the photos of their baby...

“Paul, I’m gonna send a prescription for a prenatal to the pharmacy out in Snowpoint. You make sure Ash takes it when directed and doesn’t do anything too strenuous. It’s not just him anymore.”

Paul stood and nodded and moved to hug both Brock and Joy. “Thank you. I will make sure he stays in line.”

They both only nodded before moving to hug Ash, who was being cuddled by Pikachu and Sylveon. “Make sure you call your mom and let her know. I’m sure she’ll be over the moon.” Brock kissed Ash’s cheek. “See ya.”

“Bye!” Ash kissed Annie’s cheek as she smiled at him.

“I’ll get you discharged in a few hours, but for now, just relax and soak up all that water okay? Oh! Your due date should be late October, sometime around the fifteenth!” And with that, the two happily left the room, obvious sighs of relief leaving them.

After the door closed Ash turned to Paul, who was taking a picture of the ultrasound with his phone to send to Reggie probably. “Five months... that means we have four months to get ready.”

Ash heard the ping of Paul’s phone before he put it down. “We’ll be ready. We have your mom, Reggie, Brock, Joy..” He gently kissed Ash’s hand again. “You never fail to surprise me.”

He noticed the small tear that just welled in the corner of Paul’s eye and reached out to rub it away. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” And like a dam had broken, Paul’s phone took off with ring after ring. Paul picked it up and answered, and Reggie’s excited voice came through from the other side. He listened to Paul laugh and watched him smile as he told Reggie all the details up until now.

Ash picked up his own phone and started to dial, and waited for his mom to answer. Moments passed and she popped up on his screen, hair up in her towel and in her robe.

“Hi Pumpkin!”

“Hey mom. I’ve got some news to tell you.” Ash smiled at her.

“Oh! Have you two finally decided on the date for the wedding? I’ve been waiting for a year!”

Ash shook his head. “No mom. I’m... having a baby.. Paul and I, we’re having.. a baby.”

Delia screamed into the camera, making Paul jump beside him. She jumped up and down with joy. “Really?! Oh.. this is so exciting! Congratulations! How far along are you?”

“Twenty one weeks..” Paul answered as he lifted up the ultrasound. “Dr. Joy says October 15th.”

“October? That’s so close! We need to get you ready Ash!!! Oh Mew!!! You two need to get MARRIED already!!!” Paul just nodded at her.

“Well we were planning on next year, but it’ll be within the next month.” He looked over at Ash, and Ash looked at him. “I don’t want to wait any longer than I have to.”

Delia beamed, eyes watery. “Dr. Joy? You’re here in Kanto? I’ll be there in a half hour!” And with that, she ended the call and Ash put down his phone.

“Next month?”

Paul just nodded. “I mean it Ash. I don’t want to wait any longer to marry you now. Then we can start getting ready for October.” He leaned in and Ash closed the gap, kissing him softly.

“October... I can’t wait!” He reached a hand down and held it over what he now knew was a baby bump. “We’re having a baby!”

“Neither can I.”

[fan-art-ic]

THE PRINCIPLES OF BEING AN UNTETHERED ZEALOT by @fan-art-ic

[id under cut]

THE PRINCIPLES OF BEING AN UNTETHERED ZEALOT

if you stopped telling people it's all sorted out after they're dead,

they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.

I.

I grew up in a small room with white walls and grey floors, with plastic tables where I sat, making a cross from craft foam and a glue stick. An older lady named Mrs. K, or Ms. Z would tell the room about a man named Jesus, who died for our seven-year old sins of lying —about if we brushed our teeth— stealing —a french fry off a plate, and cheating —at monopoly.

I grew up in church after church after church, in car rides ten twenty and eighty minutes long, told that something holy exists, and how my mom may have cried out in pain as my head crowned, but there was a man in the sky who created me. I learned to recite words of punishment, the same words that the angels spoke at gomorrah, to earn pieces of candy and pocket-toys.

Until I was ten, I went to church. Then the bed called louder in the early morning hours, so I never went to Sunday school again. For over half of my life, I was told there was something righteous in the air, and something revenant in the water, and if I pried open my feral child heart to let the Lord in, I would not be damned, tortured, and abandoned to eternal agony in death.

II.

I’m not sure exactly, of how to explain this: I don’t believe in God, I believe in GOD in People. I believe in the pain of kneeling before something Bigger. I believe in how sunlight burns my skin like a cherub’s sword. I believe in the community of Same Heart and Faith. I believe in how hair glows like a halo under streetlights. I believe in the ineffability and complexity of a Humanity.

Does this make sense?

Does you witness the way my heart is bruised before you?

The LORD is my SHEPHERD, I shall not want— but I shall need and do need. I need so desperately. I own a gaping, aching need to fill myself with a Truth, a Truth that’s been left unfilled but created from hours of study, hunched over silk-thin paper and imprinting into my child mind the grief of Mary, the faith of Abraham, and the belief of Paul.

I ask myself —the hole asks itself— what about the tragedy of Emmanuel? Carpenter, friend, son, and Son? Whispered to by a man who called Himself “Father”, who ordered young Emmanuel to bleed and strip himself —hanging bone-splintered above his mother and city— humble to save his neighbors, his heroes, his mother and father?

I ask myself —the hole asks itself— what about the tragedy of Job? Faithful, beautiful Job, ever servant to his God, and suffered endlessly and countlessly as a test of his belief. His children dead and friends’ backs turned on him —blaming words like knives under his shoulder blade— now a man with nothing, toyed with by his God, who already knew Job would remain to any length in His name.

I ask myself —the hole asks itself— what about the tragedy of Lucifer? God’s right-hand, most beloved as all? Wings that glimmered and made sinless —for sin was not yet invented— angels shiny with awe? Lucifer Morningstar, named so for being full of light, bright and beautiful as the dawning sun painting color across the brand new sky, who God designed to have the tint of pride, to have thoughts God would not like, and who was destined to burn from curiosity into something dark, twisted, ashen, disturbed?

I cannot believe in God, for He would take my belief and grasp it with both hands and twist and yank and distort me into another story for a seven-year old child to be told in a room with white walls and grey floors.

III.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines religious as: ‘relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity // a religious person // religious attitudes 2 : of, relating to, or devoted to religious beliefs or observances //joined a religious order 3a : scrupulously and conscientiously faithful b : FERVENT, ZEALOUS’

I have faithful devotion to: -Doodling on tests and quizzes and legal documents -Staying up late to read yet another chapter -Finishing shows (unless I get bored mid-episode in which I never finish it) -A love of cats -Respecting my mother -Disrespecting my father (subtly though, I don’t want to get smacked again) -Writing bad poetry -Writing half-bad prose -Ordering the same food every time (because experience has taught me that the familiar is better)

I wouldn’t call myself [SCRUPULOUS] or [CONSCIENTIOUS], but I will accept, defend, and fight for [b: FERVENT, ZEALOUS]. I am this quiet, barren thing, dull as the metal hull of Oppenheimer’s pride. In my third eye I am Powerful and Strong and Shiny new like the metal glint of a knight with armor polished, my sword strung at the hip.

My child heart rests dormant in my chest and feral in my memories. Memories of bashing a head against a church floor, of a heady violent form taking hold of my dirty, grubby fingers.

IV.

The LORD became God when Man forgot to write about how the LORD wept for his Children on the Eighth Day.

V.

I haven’t touched the ground today. I was too busy noticing the angels who sat on the park bench talking about deadlines and soul quotas. The same cigarette touched their not-lips and the one with muddy shoes flicked the doggend onto the sidewalk, grinding it into ash with his heel.

I heard one say that love isn’t Love —I could hear the capital in his voice— and the other snorted, a strange trill echoing from his inhuman fleshy throat. “What’s the difference, then?” he asked. “love is a service, a loan with one-hundred-and-ten interest.” My toes brushed the dirt and the first angel kept talking: “Love is a selfish act mangled and chewed and torn, it hurts worse than a Fall and is worth more than Grace.”

“I don’t get it, both sound fucking awful,” the other angel said.

“It’s called free will.”

They began a new cigarette and I started to walk again. I think I learned something there, in the park, near those angels. I think I saw the ash grey halos and heard human things for ethereal beings, and understood how the wine-dark of the sea crashes so brutally over the cliffs, drawing artists and writers to its beat, begging to be seen in its violent shores.

VI.

When I was twelve, I tried to touch God. I rode in tense silence, ten minutes there, ten minutes back, to a youth group at a big, white church that had a parking lot so big, I would collapse racing kids one end to the other. I stood in the gym where other twelve-year olds threw footballs and frisbees and free advice, before the pastor would give God’s advice after we all stood for five songs of worship to God, blessing him for shelter, food, water, life, for the absence of pain and presence of joy.

My feet ached and my baby soul hurt, wretched from the inability to embrace the Word of God from the mouths of people who preached kindness and then placed me in groups of kids during activities, where I became a specter: a disheveled, nail-chewing, hair band-snapping, too-solid ghost.

I abandoned church at age sixteen. I tried to find God in the evergreens and mountain air and streaking skies. When my counselor asked if everyone in the tent believed in God, I said maybe. I wanted to be honest and brave, knighted in Truth. What I got was an interrogation, a smiting on those wooded hidden paths, with commands of faith poured down my gasping throat and my pinched nose.

God is the name of justification, and I could not find Him for my own Justice.

VII.

When I was a child, I was told of a resolution, solution, dissolution of all worries, fears, trappings of the human sickness. I was told of Something not greater, but Bigger then my whole world —granted, a seven-year old’s world is the size of an oyster, with them as the pearl— that dealt in a hand of cards with each suit a different type of miracle. My mind was imprinted on with the imagery, the shining glory, of angels and wings and chariots, who swept man off his feet to spit Words of Truth, handpiece to God and examples to look up to —but no one ever mentioned how Moses was buried in the sand.

The neural pathways for divine faith have been ordered, constructed, red ribbon cut, all for no crowd to show up. I have an illness that requires an intervention of a LORD on HIGH, but all I have are the echoes of a Man’s God being read to a group of children in a white room with grey floors.

[queenmaracasandlove]

You’re My Best (Sex) Friend - Roger Taylor x F!Reader - PART V

Word Count: +/- 2800

In the last part: Roger is on tour and Y/N is trying to move on back in London. She tells him she has been asked on a date but he doesn’t get it and say it’s a good thing. Roger comes back to London but Y/N is now dating Linda and is staying at her place before he goes back on tour. 

Warnings: None this time (I think)

A/N: To be honest I don’t really like this part but I needed it... Tell me what you think loves. 

PART I PART II PART III PART IV

MASTERLIST

(Credits to whoever edited this beautiful picture)

The performance had gone perfectly, it was a good one, the audience had been particularly receptive. Y/N could not believe she had achieved to become part of such a big production in so little time. She didn’t have a role but it did not matter, she was on stage every night and she was playing her part in the performance. She was a little sad that the spotlight were preventing her from seeing the audience, she could only rely on their laughs and cheers to know if they were enjoying the show. Expect during the bow when she had time to squint her eyes and that was one of her favourite moment. When she could see the smiles on people’s face.

She was still heavy breathing because of the last dance but she had to go back on stage, let the audience applause, and enjoy it. She was smiling like crazy, she would never get bored of it and tried to enjoy the last minutes as much as possible as she was bowing. And for the first time she heard someone scream her name from the audience and she recognized it immediately, Freddie. She thought she had been imagining things but as she was going for the second bow she heard it again. She moved to the side of the stage as the leads where taking her place and tried to focus on the audience. First thing she could see was some hair that could only belong to one person, Brian. Next to him was Freddie, looking at her and waving like crazy which made her laugh but she barely had time to look around him that the curtain dropped.

She stayed on the stage for a minute, listening to the people leaving the venue. She was confused and her heart was pounding in her chest. Had they come to see her? Why didn’t they tell her beforehand ? Was Roger there too? He hadn’t called Linda’s phone but he had only been back for two days after all and they were leaving again so soon. Millions of thoughts were invading her mind when she saw a familiar face coming to her.

“Doll? Are you okay?” Linda asked

“Yes, sorry. I’m just recovering. Tonight was intense right?”

“You bet it was. Let’s get ready to go home shall we?”

Y/N nodded and followed her backstage where she would change and get rid of the make up. She liked that moment too, enjoying what was left of the adrenaline and chatting with the other performers. But tonight she felt out of place, unable to unzip her costume on her own, dropping things on the floor. She would have never dreamt of seeing them here,but they all had been so supportive even after all this time. Y/N was finished to remove her make-up when she heard some agitation in the next room. Only seconds later one of the producer of the show appeared in the communal dressing room.

“Guys we have some people who would like to congratulate you for your performance, very special guests”

It happened sometimes, when personalities or so-called important would come to see the show they usually liked to come backstage and congratulate the cast. But most of the time it was only for the leads, not the whole ensemble. Immediately Y/N’s colleagues were getting excited, wondering who was going to show up in the room tonight, but she stayed calm, at least on the outside and got up with everyone else. Of course Freddie was the first one in, congratulating everyone, followed by Brian. For a second Y/N thought that it was just the two of them but she saw John coming in right after, with Veronica.

She had never told anybody about her acquaintance with the band apart from Linda. In fact, Linda was not looking at the guests but at Y/N, asking her if she knew about it, but she shook her head. Everybody was extremely excited to have the band in their dressing room and the musicians took the time to smile to everybody but clearly they were looking for someone in particular.

“HERE IS MY STAR!” shouted Freddie, running to Y/N as soon as he saw her

“Fred’, I’m so happy to see you here” she replied, hugging him 

And she really was, and in the end she didn’t care about anybody else in the room because it was so good to see them all again. She hugged him for a while before turning to Brian.

“You were really good Y/N. Congratulations”

“Thank you Brian” she smiled

Y/N was overwhelmed by their sincere compliments and she almost teared up. Veronica was saying how happy she was because it was her first musical and she loved it when she heard little screams of excitation behind the group. She wondered what was going on and understood when she saw the blond man coming in her direction. Her heart stopped for a minute and their was a strange look between the two of them…

“Sorry I was talking to…” Roger started

But before he could end his sentence Y/N was hugging him as hard as she could. He looked surprised for a second before returning the gesture. She had missed him so much. She wasn’t too sure about how she should behave with him, where she was standing, what her feelings really were but right now she was just too happy to see him again.

“I can’t believe you came to see the show” she said, parting

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world” Roger smiled

“Booked the tickets all the way back from the States !” said Freddie

Y/N looked back at Roger, not sure she was believing it. All of this was so surreal.

“We should probably let you finish” said John

“Yes, we’ll be waiting for you outside” added Freddie

“Waiting for me?” Y/N asked

“Darling, we have to celebrate your amazing performance, we’re taking you out. Don’t take too long I’m dying of thirst” he replied

And just like that they all went out. Everybody was looking at Y/N and she felt much worse than when she was on stage. She had to explain how she had met them a few years back and that they were friends now and that she had no idea they were going to come and see the show tonight. Linda was next to her and hadn’t say anything. She had noticed something that she didn’t like. All this time she had thought that Y/N’s feelings for the drummer were not mutual but after seeing the way he had been looking at her she was now doubting and she was worried. 

They both got ready to go and went towards the exit. The boys and Veronica were waiting for Y/N next to the stage door, inside, talking with a few members of the crew, signing autographs. Roger saw them coming and immediately understood when he saw the woman next to Y/N, he knew she was Linda. They glanced at each other for a few seconds but not enough for anybody to notice.

“All set?” Brian asked

“Is your friend joining us?” asked John

“Oh I’m sorry I forgot to introduce Linda.” Y/N said, a bright smile on her face. “This is Linda, she’s a dancer but you’ve seen her ahah. And she’s… She’s my… friend now”

She wasn’t ashamed of it but she didn’t want people around to hear that the both of them were a couple. But everybody understood what she was implying and she could see them smiling although she did not dare looking at Roger’s reaction. It was stupid, she had made peace with her decision, or so she thought. So she looked at Linda and smiled, she really wanted her to come and meet her friends. That was important to her.

“Of course” Brian said, smiling too

Linda nodded and the smile on Y/N’s face became wider. They all decided to go to a nice pub the cast was used to go to after some shows. Linda was always making sure she was next to Y/N but was very happy to learn more about her girlfriend’s friends. Y/N could be quite an outgoing person but she had never seen her so alive. One of the only other place she seemed to shine that bright was when she was on stage. Linda was glad though to know that she had had the exact same attitude with her although on very rare occasions.

Everything was going great between the two women. They had been seeing each other for a month and all was well. Y/N’s kindness and silliness matched perfectly with Linda’s maturity and assertiveness. They spent a lot of time together, making sure to always be honest with one another. They rarely talked about Roger, they had discussed it once and it was enough. But Y/N sometimes mentioned him as a friend with the other members of the group and it was never a problem. 

                                                  --------------------

There had been a few beers already. They had talked about the tour, about the show, about the next album and about life. So many things had changed in a few weeks. Brian was getting married but Freddie was no longer engaged to Mary. Y/N was sad to see Freddie’s worry but not surprised about the news. She also understood better the sadness in Mary’s voice during their last few phone calls. Life was moving on she thought, and so was she.

Because of the alcohol, Y/N was less preoccupied by the way she behaved and let herself go more than she did since she had realised her feelings for Roger. Maybe it was because of her new relationship. She was barely paying attention to the way Roger was hanging on her every word and how she was in fact doing exactly the same thing. She had to excuse herself and go to the bathroom, beer definitely working on her bladder and mind. She looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath before opening the door. Roger was leaning against the wall facing her, waiting for her.

“Hey love” he said

“Rog” she smiled

“Just wanted to spend a little minute alone with you. It’s been a while”

“I know. I’ve missed you a lot. I was sad you stopped calling…” she admitted

“I’m sorry Y/N” he came closer to her, looking into her beautiful eyes “Things got a bit crazy you know. I’ve missed you too”

She gave him a hug, she wasn’t as careful as she would have been sober but she didn’t mind. Feeling him against her felt so good. She wasn’t sure where she was sentimentally speaking but he was still her friend and she wanted to enjoy the little time she had with him.

He found her so beautiful. He has been so impressed about her performance. He never doubted her talent but he was so proud of seeing her on stage. He wanted to kiss her so badly but he couldn’t. She seemed so happy to see him but she also seemed so happy to be with Linda. All his hopes of confession had been crushed and that was hard to take it in but he still wanted to spend time with her. He had never felt so needy.

“Thanks for coming Roger. It means a lot to me”

“Y/N… You were amazing. I swear I’m not saying that just because I…You’re one of my best friend. You’re going to do amazing things” he said

His hands still on her shoulders and she was going to answer when John arrived. For a split though the world had stopped for both of them, everybody else disappearing. The bassist looked at them but didn’t say a thing. There was an awkward look between Roger and Y/N but it wasn’t like they were doing anything wrong.

“Thank you Roger” Y/N simply said

“I can’t wait to be back” he confessed as they were going back to their table

“You shouldn’t think that way” Y/N replied, stopping a few tables away from their friends “You should be enjoying the tour”

She looked at him and saw his surprise. She had noticed how sad he looked since the beginning of the night. Roger was usually so happy all the time or sometimes in a very bad mood but sadness wasn’t something you would usually see on his face. Y/N wished she had more time to talk to him, ask him about what was going on but it was clearly not the right time. Everybody was kind of looking at them although trying to pretend not to.

“Roger, you should make the most of this tour. I know the U.S leg was quite long but you’ve always said so. And now you’re going to Japan. That’s going to be amazing right? You told me so much about you’re last time there ! Come on! You’ve got an incredible album to promote, amazing fans and a fabulous culture to discover.”

“You’re right” he smiled, soothe by her words and sincerity

“And I’m sure Freddie needs his friends right now. Can’t let him down hey” she said before punching his elbow

“You might be a smart girl but you really have no strength love” he joked, unconsciously putting his arm around her shoulders before joining the rest of the group.

They were both smiling again and didn’t realize they were holding each other until it was time for them to go back to their seats. Y/N pinched her lips and went back on the bench next to Linda. She smiled at her and put a little kiss on her cheek. She felt safe here, with her friends around her, and there was nothing wrong with it. She was also not completely blind. It was a lot to take in. Linda knew about her feelings for Roger and she had met her friends, including him without any notice.

“So how long have you been together?” Veronica asked

“Well…” Y/N started

“It’s actually our first month anniversary tomorrow” Linda answered, taking Y/N’s hand inside hers under the table

“Isn’t it sweet” Freddie said “I think that’s the first time she’s been with someone for so long love. That’s good. She always looked like she was waiting for something…”

There was an uneasy look among the boy and everybody noticed it. The innuendo wasn’t well disguised. Y/N was probably the only one clueless amongst them, she thought he was talking about love, he was clearly talking about Roger. If she was now aware of her feelings she didn’t think it was obvious to everybody else. The sadness was back in the drummer’s eyes.

“I guess it was worth the wait” Linda answered jokingly, tightening her grip on Y/N’s hand. “She just needed someone to see how amazing she was”

“We all know how amazing Y/N is. We wouldn’t  be here otherwise” Roger answered, tensed

“Technically you’re on tour most of the time right?” Linda replied, looking right into his eyes

“We’ve been friends for years now. She knows we’ll always be here for her no matter what.” he snapped at her 

Y/N was not a fan of how things were going. First of all Linda was crushing her hand under the table and she didn’t like it. She quickly removed it and grabbed her glass. Furthermore, she hated how everybody was talking about her when was right in front of them.

“Why I wasn’t dating beforehand is none of your business and I don’t need to see my friends everyday to they’re here for me. Thank you very much for your concern but I’m doing just fine” Y/N said

John was now coming back too and looked at the silent group. The atmosphere had clearly changed. Thanks to Freddie though they found something new to talk about and the conversation went on as before. Y/N saw Roger whispering a sorry in her direction and Linda smiling at her, trying to see if everything was fine. Y/N was tired, she had had a long day and all the emotions were a lot to take in and thanks for her the bell from the bar was telling them it was time to go. They all gathered their things and said their goodbyes. Once again Y/N thanked her friends for coming to see her and for this amazing night. She wished them the best for the rest of the tour.

“You’re going back to Linda’s place right?” Roger asked as he was lighting a cigarette outside

“Yes… I just… I thought it would be easier for you to have place to rest while you were back” Y/N replied

“Thank you Y/N. That’s really thoughtful. And thank you for what you did with the flat, I really like it.”

“Y/N ! Taxi is here!” Linda shouted behind them

“I have to go” Y/N sadly said ‘But Roger promise me something.”

“Yes?”

“Enjoy the rest of the tour ok? This is all you’ve ever wanted. That and money and it’s finally coming in right?” she joked

“I promise” he smiled “If you promise me you’ll be here to hear all about it.”

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you when you come back Roger. I promise” Y/N said before waving at him and joining Linda in the taxi.

She closed her eyes as soon as the vehicle was moving, completely exhausted. She needed time to reflect on that night. Her eyes still closed she thanked Linda for being here.

“I’m sorry it was so unexpected” she said “But I’m so happy you got to meet them all. It means a lot to me.”

“They’re all so crazy, but that doesn’t surprise me. I like them, especially Freddie.”

“I could have bet on it” Y/N joked

“When are they finishing the tour?” Linda asked

“End of April I think”

“You can come and live with me then if you want to. Roger will probably want his place back.”

This time Y/N opened her eyes to look at her girlfriend. She was more confused than she had ever been in her life. She wasn’t expecting it, at all. Of course everything was going well between them but it was still so soon. And she wanted to say yes, because she really liked Linda and she was bringing her so much. But at the same time it made her realise that she would have to live Roger’s apartment, and forget about her feeling for him once and for all. And that was terrifying.

Permanent taglist: @reedusteinrambles

YMB(S)F Taglist: @rogxrtaylxr

[feel199x]

going, gang member! han jisung, band!au, florist reader

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist   [this fic is complete!]

warnings: hospital setting? angst

a/n: that’s a wrap, cherubs! i hope you enjoy, i worked super hard on this fic! IM SCARED HHH

song rec: jungle - julia

 Your recovery wasn’t graceful. You spent a month in critical condition, barely able to maintain consciousness for even a short period of time. The doctors had explained that it would take a while for you to recover physically, and a lifetime to recover from the psychological trauma. Maybe it had only been a short amount of time maybe, but those days would replay like a broken record in your head. Jisung understood, even if he got frustrated with your state- it wasn’t fair that you were going onto your second month and the fuckhead was fine- albeit in federal prison where he belonged, but he was still alive. You were barely hanging on.

Jisung had brought in your record player and played your records as you lied in the bed. He was missing performances, his presence missed on stage- but he vowed to never leave your side again. He never left your bedside, holding tightly to your mostly limp hand as he worked on another rap. It was two months now, and since you didn’t have any family around- they wanted to pull the cord. Jisung cried when the doctors talked to him, and they sympathized they really did, but Jisung would never do that. He told himself he would love you forever, and he would. He knew that you would wake up some day, he still had hope, naïve as it was.

 Jisung refused to let them, calling his members in a desperate attempt to scare off the doctors. They visited you as much as they could, telling you about their day and leaving flowers for you at your bedside. They kept your apartment and shop in shape. None of them were too sure if you would ever wake up, but they had to have hope. If not for Jisung, for you. They kept Jisung company as he sat beside you, gripping your hand tightly like it would fall off if he let go. Everyone was worried about you, you looked so weak and helpless and they felt worse because there was nothing they could do. Even guiltier because they felt in part at fault for everything that had happened. Every day, there was more pressure on Jisung to pull the cord, but he refused. He lived in your hospital room now, afraid that the doctors would come in suddenly and rush you to the morgue.

 It was three months in when you finally became responsive. Jisung had spilled tears, barely able to compose himself and make out words as he planted kisses all around your face. He was sputtering, unable to form a cohesive sentence, just happy that your eyes were finally opening again. It had been so long, too long until he’s seen them at last. They were such a pretty color, especially in the sun, especially when they shined bright while you smiled.

It took two more weeks to get used to walking again, eating and chewing all by yourself- it was faster than most, but you felt like you had already wasted so much time. Jisung had lot a significant amount of weight, and you ordered him to go home to eat. He wasn’t happy about it, eyeing the doctor suspiciously but he obliged if anything to make you happy. His band members visited in that time, excited to see you up and about. They walked the hospital hallways with you, telling you silly stories and enjoying your company. Jisung returned a week later, much healthier and looked a lot more full of life. You felt heavy with guilt, so self-involved when you learned that Jisung hadn’t left your side for all this time.

“You should’ve gone on with your life, Jisung. You can’t live for me.”

“I wanted to be the first person to see you become responsive.”

“I feel selfish.”

“Please don’t. I wanted to do this, I can rap anytime. I love you.”

“I love you.”

The doctors were reluctant to let you leave the ICU but compromised with the promise of physical and psychiatric therapy. You weren’t very fond of having to spill your feelings to a stranger; it felt invasive, but you knew that it was for the best. You couldn’t deal with all of it alone, you wouldn’t do that again. You wanted to recover, and you knew it wouldn’t be fast or linear, but any progress was better than none. You were starting to look like yourself again, finally recognizing yourself in the mirror. Most of all, you were excited to sleep in your bed again and most importantly, with Jisung. It was hard to cuddle in a hospital bed, and it wasn’t one of the most comfortable either. You wanted to see your plants again, maybe they would’ve been dead by now, but at least you would have the chance to revive them. Jisung had brought you a large teddy bear, one that he was struggling to carry your room and he got you a large bouquet of roses.

“Boring, I know. You remember that dude you thought cheated? Well, after seeing how pretty the arrangement looked I wanted to get one for you.”

You wrapped your arms around him, laughing. “I love it,” you whispered, pecking him, “And I love you.”

“Don’t I get a longer kiss for that?”

“Mmm, yes.”

All the boys were thrilled to see you, and you were welcomed to a surprise party in your shop. You expected all of the flowers to die, but it turns out the group had taken turns taking care of your shop- it wasn’t the best since their knowledge on flowers wasn’t exactly extensive- but it was endearing nonetheless. Your shop was a rainbow of colors, petals decorated the floor, your name in shiny balloons. A record playing in the background. You started to cry, a smile plastered onto your face as you hugged each group member. The cake you got was frosted messily.

“Okay, so I know it’s not that good,” Felix huffed, “But we made it with love.”

“We brought a cake Jisung’s grandmother made in case this one sucks.”

“Jeongin!”

“He’s right.”

“Seungmin, I will end you.”

Seungmin surrendered, putting his hands up. Minho put an arm around your shoulder. “You’re the only other person with sense here,” he sighed, “Chan and Woojin bought dollar store paper plates for your comeback. How disgusting is that?”

“I didn’t know there were better options!”

“Plus, they’re efficient. So don’t trash dollar store paper plates.”

Minho made a face and turned to you, sticking out his tongue. “Disgusting,” he smiled, “I decorated this all by-”

“Not true,” Hyunjin ruffled your hair, “I helped. Do you feel okay?”

You nodded. “Great!” Minho twirled you, “Let’s dance.” You were still a little weak, but thankfully, Minho did most of the work. He danced around you shamelessly and eventually forgot that he was supposed to be dancing with you. You smiled and laughed hard as you watched Minho just fall short of grinding the floor, Hyunjin, on the other hand, taught you some basic steps, careful not to push you too far. It was good to finally be able to relax, your favorite music playing, everyone pleased with your recovery.

“Hyunjin.”

“Hm?”

“Where’s Jisung?”

“Shh, just dance.”

You were more or less swaying, slightly worried, but watched Felix do a dance from a game you were glad you didn’t know. The music came to a halt and you spun around seeing a very smug Chan and Jisung set up a mixer on your counter. “This song,” Chan spoke into the mic, “was made by 3racha for a very special someone.”

“Mostly me though,” Jisung cut in quickly. “Mostly me.”

A stupid smile spread across your face, and it hurt from how much you were smiling. It was hard for you to completely understand what he was saying since his Korean was a lot faster than you were accustomed to, but it was sweet nonetheless. Because the fact that he made a song, specifically for you and had spent all that time by your bedside without complaining or getting angry at you- it wasn’t enough, it was more than enough. When he came down from standing high on a stool, he pulled you into a rom-com kiss, with the dip and all.

“It’s been a while, huh?”

“Too much for my comfort.”

“Right in front of my salad?” Minho sighed, “Disgusting. I am. Disgusted.”

The night continued, as the stars twinkled not out of obligation- but because they wanted to illuminate the sky. The moonlight made the stained glass color spill across the floor, melting with the flower petals color. Things were finally good, things had worked out. Love always found a way. Each member bid you goodbye, seeing the time as their cue to leave and knowing you must be completely exhausted. But Jisung stayed, as pulled you up to your apartment. “I have something to show you.”

You had gotten up much earlier that morning, Jisung head refusing to remove your head from your chest.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I do. I want to.”

He planted a morning kiss on your lips. “I love you.”

“Then let me get up.”

“But you’re so soft..”

“Sungie, pretty please?”

“Fine. But you’re not leaving this bed when we get back.”

“Alright,” you kissed him on the cheek, “Only because I love you too.”

“I don’t even get a kiss on his lips?”

“Maybe if you get up..”

He shot up, turning to you and pulling you towards him and you happily obliged. “I love you a lot,” he murmured against your lips, “so much.”

The car ride wasn’t quiet. You and Jisung were singing along to the song playing on the radio, he held your hand even as he drove. The scenery was surprisingly nice even though the season was making its transition into fall. It was scenic, the route. The red, orange, and yellows decorated the pale blue skyline. You hummed, trying to ease the tension in your chest. The sky was slightly dimmer, the sun just barely passing for shining. There were leaves scattering up and everywhere as the crisp air carried them to places you’d never know. You were a little nervous even though you knew you were safe. Jisung parked the car and quieted the music.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes,” you kissed him, “I’m sure. I’ll be fine.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, always.”

“And forever.”

“And forever.”

It was bleak, and your hand had a slight shake to them as you signed your name in and was lead into a visiting room. You wondered how many people there were here, how bad they must all be if they were in a place like this. It scared you, enough to give you a slight shake, but you pressed on. There were so many gates, a constant clicking and beeping as someone led you. There was nothing rehabilitative about this building. It was gray and damp, the wardens angry and spiteful of everyone and everything. You wondered the things they must’ve seen, the people they must’ve experienced to bring them to a point like this. There was regret pulling at your intuition, and you were beginning to grow weary. You sat in the plastic chair, the only thing separating the two of you a polycarbonate class. You picked up the phone when you saw him coming.

“I miss you,” he sputtered, “I miss you so, so much. You have to forgive me, I love you more than he ever could. You know I don’t deserve to be here. I’m a good guy, all I did was love you. You have to get me out, you have to. Wait, is that-”

“A promise ring,” you said, trying hard not to display emotion. But you help up your hand, staring at the ring lovingly, “Jisung got it for me.”

“He doesn’t love you, no one does. Not like I do, never-”

“Rot.”