#the others were originally made for cis men

[genderkoolaid]

hey wait phalloplasty dicks can get hard on command??? this is new info for me do you mind explaining?

There are two kinds of erectile device implants used in phalloplasty:

A semi-rigid rod that you can manually move into a "ready" position (basically, your dick is always kind of hard, but you can point it down or bend it up- I believe that's what this person is planning on getting)

A pump system where, without getting too into the details: you press a button in your balls (most of the time, it can be placed other areas in the body) a couple times, which then pushes fluid up a cylinder in the center of the penis to create an erection.

With erectile tissue, you can get spontaneous erections, but you can also. not! Sometimes natal dicks need some coaxing, and erectile dysfunction is a Thing that Exists (and shouldn't be shamed, btw). But with an erectile device**, the erection is outsourced, so you can get hard no matter the situation.

As a side note- I have heard from some people who got the pump that they have accidentally triggered in while sleeping & woken up semi-hard, which is pretty cool! I've also heard anecdotes about the ED providing erotic pressure on your buried t-dick.

You can read more about implants here, including the pros & cons of each type & some studies on patient satisfaction.

*there are non-implant erectile devices (like a sleeve you can put over your soft penis to make penetrative sex easier)

**can we talk about how funny it is that both erectile dysfunction (No Hard Penis Syndrome) and erectile device (Tool That Makes Penis Hard) are both abbreviated ED

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[cardentist]

The post that was screenshot: [Link] This post with the reply by catgirlforeskin: [Link] A convenient post that I wrote going into it about my gender yesterday: [Link]

obviously I would suggest reading the original post, as it has context for what was being said in those screenshots.

ahem

So Like, We Just Hate People Who Aren't Binary Huh?

We See Someone Come Out About Being Genderqueer And Talk About Their Own Presentation And Sense Of Self On Their Own Post And It's Immediately Responded To With "You're Fetishizing Trans Women By Thinking That You Have Anything In Common With Them."

let's review !

1: I made a Vent Post where I responded to a Cis Person, I made my own post and crossed out their username because I didn't feel like they did anything Wrong, but I wanted to discuss my feelings on it anyways!

2: these feelings were that it's upsetting that people don't seem to think about the trans perspective when discussing gender Stuff, or how marginalization in general plays a factor when discussing representation in media.

3: within Two Notes I got someone crawling into my replies and dms to talk down to me for being trans masc, so I expressed frustration that That's something that happens to me.

4: THEN somebody responded to That to insist that me expressing frustration about people lashing out at marginalized men was harmful to trans women.

you'll notice ! I was a trans person speaking about my own feelings on my own post, responding to a cis person and someone who explicitly harassed me. I did not mention trans women in this post, because it was a vent post. I explicitly say in my response to that post different kinds of trans people venting about their experiences does not imply or take anything away from other sorts of trans people.

so ! what we're left with is !

1: people being Furiously Angry that I would say that all trans people are capable of being hurt and that all trans people deserve to speak about their feelings, enough to rip things out of context and lie

2: People Just Unironically Saying With Their Entire Chest That A Trans Person Who Considers Themselves Both Masculine And Feminine Is Transmisogynistic, Because Being Genderqueer Implies That You Don't See Trans Women As Real Women. Somehow.

so like. where do we go from here huh.

firstly, there's an awareness. I need people to be Aware that this is something that is happening. that we've reached a point where people hate trans mascs so much that they're willing to tear them down for talking about Their Feelings in response to Cis People.

that we've reached a point where people get so blindly Angry when someone suggests that trans people should all be treated with dignity and respect that they're willing to act like this.

I Need people to share things like this, even if it's not this post specifically. because I Need People To Understand the kind of vitriol and hatred that trans mascs are facing simply for being visible At All.

if people aren't aware then they Will end up supporting and spreading this kind of harassment without realizing.

[harpoonsandmusicals]

It’s pride month, have my random queer w359 headcanons!

Hera is trans. Obviously. Sexuality wise, I don’t think she’s really met enough people to tell for certain. Her feelings for Maxwell were very strong, were they romantic? Does she really know what that means? She’s working on that one.

Eiffel is aromantic bisexual and completely clueless about that fact. He fully believes romance was made up for the movies and that all dudes find other men a little hot. He is painfully cisgender.

Minkowski’s gender is a little masc and spicy but mostly cis as well. She read a book on how to support your trans coworkers and it honestly made her worse and more awkward instead of helping. She’s aware that she’s bi but trying not to think about it. Being ok with other people being bi is not the same as being ok with herself being bi

Hilbert sold his gender and sexuality to clear space in his brain for more science

Lovelace is very very lesbian and also the only one of the crew who is actually engaged with the queer community. She went from her very queer original crew to these disasters and is having a terrible time trying to figure out how to explain what aro is to Eiffel. Her gender is lesbian. She’s probably cis but I can see reading her as trans too

[spacelazarwolf]

y’all i found it, i found the post that originated the claim that i’m a ZionistTM and it’s even more ridiculous than i expected.

—————————————

—————————

this is, of course, the same person who labeled me a MisogynistTM for making a half baked joke reblog basically saying “jewish standards of masculinity are different than white western standards of masculinity” then cited orthodox judaism, a community i’m not a part of, as why Actually The Jewish Community Is Horrifically Misogynistic And Bad (as if i haven’t faced misogyny from jewish cis men before???????)

anyway, my post in this screenshot didn’t once mention israel. it didn’t mention zionism. it was talking about antisemitism. i turned off reblogs because people were making it about zionism and israel, which was derailing my original point. i set a specific boundary and people kept crossing it, so i turned reblogs off and blocked people who wouldn’t leave it alone. absolutely nothing about that could possibly indicate that i’m a zionist unless you think that diaspora jews setting boundaries about being forced into a conversation about israel, especially one where we are essentially being blamed for the antisemitism we face because of the government of a country we don’t even live in and have no control over (there’s a phrase that, it’s called dual loyalty and it’s been getting jews killed for decades) or if you think simply talking about the history of antisemitism and current rising levels of antisemitism is somehow “zionist propaganda” in which case you might want to get your head out of your ass and question why you’re agreeing with literal nazis. also bonus points for this person literally just blatantly blaming jews in the tags for the rise in antisemitism because we’re apparently not being antizionist enough to deserve basic human decency and safety! not even trying to hide it anymore huh!

and of course it worked like a charm bc now, months later, you have people saying this:

“the jew is trying to disguise himself as one of you to trick you!!!!!! he is actually evil and trying to manipulate you to further his evil (((zionist))) plans!!!!!!!!!! beware!!!!!!!!!!!” which is literally just repackaged antisemitic tropes that are centuries old. i’ve never interacted with the person in this screenshot in my entire life, and yet they seem to think they have insider knowledge into my Evil Zionist Plans to infiltrate the community and spread Zionist Propaganda because they interacted with one gentile witch that threw a hissy fit about being told not to be antisemitic in discourse about gentiles appropriating lillith. this gentile decided that every single jew who disagreed with them was a zionist, and when i told them it was antisemitic as fuck to call any jew they disagree with a zionist they went on about me being a “raging zionist” and “faking being queer” for DAYS. so it’s not a mystery where the person in this screenshot got the “ooh scary (((zionist))) pretending to be queer and trans to spread his evil (((zionist))) propaganda” rhetoric from. it’s word-for-word from the gentile witch who was pissed about fucking LILLITH DISCOURSE.

bc the thing is, these ppl don’t actually care if i’m a zionist. if they did, they would be engaging with what i’ve said (which is practically nothing because i knew the second the word israel touched my blog that this would happen — which is why i didn’t want people going on and on about israel on a post about antisemitism). they know that labeling a jew a zionist is an immediate death sentence in progressive circles. they know it’s the easiest way to discredit a jew you don’t like. because it doesn’t matter how many times you say “no, i’m not” you will be forever tainted in the eyes of gentiles by that accusation. that’s why they made the accusation in the first place. and so i will continue to not share any of my thoughts or opinions other than “i’m pro palestinian liberation” and “i’m not a zionist” and people will ignore that to play yet another game of Zionist Telephone to target a jew they don’t like. it’s not the first time it’s happened, to me or in general, and it won’t be the last time. i just hope people seeing this and reading this will help people understand how fucked up and antisemitic it is.

so yeah. if you see accusations floating around that i’m a zionist, this is where it came from. a situation that is textbook dual loyalty, being punished for setting boundaries on my own blog, and people who hate trans men jumping at the chance to demonize one with one of the easiest tricks in the book as soon as they see he’s also jewish. the fact i keep having to address this when the origin of the rumor is literally just antisemitism should heavily inform how seriously you take random claims online that a jew is a zionist. most of the time it’s just blatant antisemitism, and very often it’s a way to silence an unrelated conversation that person was trying to have.

[chiefdirector]

Questioning | Tim Bradford | The Rookie

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

“Regina was there that day… the day (Y/N) disappeared.” Williamson said, keeping his eyes away from the steely faced detective Harper who sat questioning him. He could have felt her loathing from a mile away. He couldn’t blame her though, he loathed himself just as much, but even so, he couldn’t look at her. “She had some men, guns for hire, I recognised some from previous arrest records-“

“I will need names.” Harper interrupted. 

“Sure sure, anything.” 

Nyla took her pen out to make note of the former detective’s confession. “Anyway, continue.”

“She brought a file. Photos. She gave them to her, (Y/N) that is. I saw only a couple from where I was. It was a wedding photo of some kind. And one where the dude in it… it was the uh one who arrested me. Tom…?”

Williamson took a moment to readjust himself to the best he could with the cuffs on. “That’s when Regina started talking about getting what’s owed to her. She said something about her husband losing everything because of her… or maybe someone else. It was all so long ago.”

“Her husband, Carter. died in a police raid five weeks after Regina Diaz.” 

“Then one of the men aimed the gun. And I ran. I heard a shot but I was gone by that point.”

Harper hummed, looking at the mirror behind her where she knew Tim waited. She didn’t need to see him to know what he was thinking. He had been in that second raid, he had arrested Regina. He had been the one to cause all this. Harper tore her gaze away and back to Williamson again. “When did you next speak to (Y/N) again?”

“Three, maybe four months later she called me. That file had photos of someone. Regina made an offer. She would spare his life but she would hunt (Y/N) down. She would take away his wife like he had taken her husband.”

“So that’s why she stayed away… as to not endanger her husband?”

“Initially.”

“Initially? What does that mean?”

“Around seven months ago, she caught wind of their new operation, she said that she had to finish what she started. I last heard from her five weeks ago, she said that she was making a plan to intervene on their next shipment; she said it was going to be their biggest yet.”

Harper looked up from her notepad, Williamson’s words rushing through her mind. The Diaz family operation has been one of the biggest threats to the war on drugs in a long time. They had gone quiet after Carter had died, it was thought that the rest of them had gone to prison or dispersed into lower ranking gangs. They hadn't been important enough to keep constant eyes on. But they had rallied together, Nyla could tell from the information Williamson provided that they were going to take back what was once theirs and try to expand their control of the drug flow in Los Angeles.

“When was this shipment meant to move out?”

“The twentieth of this month.”

“That’s two days from now.”

—---

Tim found it almost fascinating how quickly and effectively the LAPD could pull together an operation when one of their own was in danger. Multiple officers came together on their days off and some even came from other divisions across LA county. Bodies moved through the station, each with the same purpose, they were here to save her, they were going to save his wife.

“Officer Bradford,” Tim turned around at the sound of Commander West speaking, “Can I have a word?”

Tim nodded before following the Commander into Sargent Grey’s office. He remained standing as West spoke.

“We have gotten in contact with a few CI’s. All of the intel seems to line up. We have called in the metro division, and have federal agents on stand-by. As you know, we have a full house of officers lining up for this bust…”

“Sir, if I may? What are you trying to say?”

West sighed, trying to pick his words carefully. He had been the one to clear all of the paperwork and the legal grey areas when Tim had originally worked on his wife’s case. “What I'm saying is that you are not needed here. Your judgement is impaired, this is too personal. If we have any chance of bringing Detective Bradford home where she belongs, we need to have everybody who is in on this to have their mind focussed on taking down this cartel movement.”

“I have to be there. I can’t leave this to anyone else. I- I failed her once, I can't do that again.”

“I understand. I really do.” West paused again, this time he took a moment to collect himself. “If this was my wife, I would be just as determined to be on the front lines of this too. But we don’t have margin for error here. So I managed to get a compromise. You will be there, and someone else will be in a car parked just under a block away. When we locate Detective Bradford, you will be called in to retrieve her.”

Tim nodded at his words, trying to bite back the urge to argue with him. He knew that West was trying his best to find a compromise between the grey areas of the LAPD Code of Conduct and Tim’s own drive to do what it takes to save (Y/N). “Who will I be with?”

“Whoever you want.”

“Put me with Chen, but please make sure Lopez is on the front lines of this. (Y/N) trusts her completely.”

“I can do that. Thank you, Bradford, for being so compliant with this… I know it must not be easy for you to take a step back from this operation.”

“No, it isn't.” Tim said, moving towards the door. “But I will do anything to make sure she comes home, even if it means I have to trust others to do what I couldn't.”

“You can trust us, and you will be there for her.”

“I know. Nobody could stop me from doing that, Commander, not even you.”

Part Five | Part Seven

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

Tags: @xceafh @kmc1989 @buba424

Tags are open :)

[gay-spock]

here’s a compilation of why rick berman of star trek fame could have ruined the franchise with his bigotry, thanks to @/thisismewhatevs on twitter:

- rick berman is usually cited by writers as the main reason gay characters were not allowed on screen in TNG/VOY/DS9/ENT even though gene roddenberry specifically wanted gay representation in the 1980s

- notably, he is responsible for demanding female actors be "sexed up" in various ways including jeri ryan's catsuit and padding terry farell's breasts

- when terry farell asked for a reduced contract similar to those of her male costars, she was fired, leading to the sudden death of jadzia dax

- with seven of nine's catsuit, not only was it berman's idea to make her "born sexy yesterday" her original costume pinched her neck so much she kept passing out. rather than change it, berman brought in nurses to administer oxygen between takes

- berman would continually comment on the appearance of female actors to the point that marina sirtis developed an eating disorder. sirtis also mentions how tight her corset and how large her breast padding was under her "uniform"

- berman was left in charge of trek because he was in the right place when roddenberry got sick. He had no experience with scifi previously and didn't really believe in roddenberry's vision of the future:

- In addition to being a dick to denise crosby after pushing her out, he's also the reason for wil wheaton was kicked out for similar contact negotiation as terry farrell

- harry kim was never promoted from ensign since berman hated his actor, garrett wang, according to him

- enterprise was a step backwards in a lot of ways because berman had far more creative control (seasons 1-3) and took a much more hands on writing role. here's t'pol actor jolene blalock discussing his sexualization of her

- as DS9 went on, garak and bashir spent less time together and garak was given zyial as an incredibly gross love interest because andy robinson's portrayal as queer coded made berman uncomfortable

- despite the "equality" promoted on the show, berman hired very few female writers, with less than 30% of episodes having even one female writer during his time

- “Rick Berman is not the only asshole to have worked on Star Trek and he is not the reason for every bad choice from TNG-ENT. However HE WAS the executive producers and show runner in charge of production so much of the sins of that time lie at his feet. When people get confused about how some people seem to "misunderstand" the point of Star Trek and don't know how they can watch/enjoy the "progressive" nature of the show and be such vile sexists and racists, this is how. They let a sexist asshole run the show for three decades. On screen representation is important. It's amazing for people to see themselves in such a hopeful future, but the behind the scenes matters just as much if not more than who is in front of the camera. Representation without responsible storytelling is a tragedy.“ -Deep Space Fine on twitter

this is not to say that TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT are bad shows, or that they shouldn’t be watched, or anything else; but that understanding why these awful choices were made behind the scenes in depicting a “progressive” future. rick berman didn’t agree with this future because he didn’t want others who weren’t white, cis, straight men like him to benefit in the ways he did.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for blocking my friends who I suspect wrote mpreg about “me”?

I (21ftm) have two friends who have recently been writing a story together, I’ll call them O and S, O and S are both cis woman my age. They openly discuss the story on our friend groups discord server in a channel dedicated to this story. O draws the character designs while S primarily writes and they added a character into their story a few months ago who I believe was meant to be me, or at least inspired by me, they’ve done this in the past with other friends of ours who have side characters and cameos, I can usually tell because the character has a name similar to their real life counterpart and a design similar as well, such is the case with “my” character, he is a trans man who looks like me and his name is a shortened nickname of my chosen one.

I wouldn’t have an issue with a character inspired by me but they made him gay and began shipping him with a pre-existing male character which made me uncomfortable because I am very much not gay, the other characters inspired by our friends weren’t given love interests or anything so I can’t say they’ve changed the sexualities of those tribute characters. I don’t care if a character is gay, but this character is clearly meant to be representing me and I’m very uncomfortable with this. People assuming I’m attracted to men is a BIG dysphoria trigger to me and they KNOW this because I told them in the past and when they first wrote this in, all my life I’ve had people assuming I was into men because I was AFAB and I’ve dealt with a lot of “comphet” stuff, I’ve been harassed and haven’t been believed when I told people my actual sexuality, the expectation that I would one day get into a relationship with a man and have children with one was treated like an inevitability by the people around me and it scared the fuck out of younger me.

When they first wrote this relationship, i asked them to change it, i said that if they wanted to put this character into a relationship he could have one with a woman instead, they refused and said they liked the rep it gave, though there is already lots of gay rep in the story and I said that it would still be rep because the character is trans but they didn’t change it, so I then asked that this character could be changed so he wasn’t actually related to me in looks and name and they again refused, which made less sense to me because I didn’t (and still don’t) understand what they got out of writing someone who was basically me into a gay relationship. I gave up because I didn’t want to cause drama in the friend group and other the next weeks I spent less time on the friend groups server and never checked the stories channel because I was still extremely dysphoric and upset. It made me feel angry that they didn’t consider how I felt and dismissed my suggestions.

The next time I checked on that server was a month later and they were discussing the future of the story where some of the characters had children, among those characters that had children were the male character my tribute character was in a relationship with, I came into the chat and asked them how that character had kids, O posted a blushing emoji and said he had kids “the fun way”, I asked further and they said my character also had children and at this point I got really angry and just left the server and blocked them.

Later on one of the friend group J (22nb) dmed me saying that I was being dramatic and that I had no right to control what they put in their story, we had an argument and two of my other friends said I was “ruining the fun” and trying to censor their story and it wasn’t “explicitly clear that it was me”. I originally thought that if you are writing something inspired by someone and it’s making them upset you should stop right? But now I’m not so sure and I’m still feeling very down, I don’t know why they decided to write that in, and especially about someone meant to be a tribute to me, it feels like they’ve taken everything I told them about my dysphoria and distilled it down into something to hurt me.

Aita?

What are these acronyms?

[grandadtwelve]

this post has been edited <3

original post:

i think what rtd was trying to say with that comment was that he didn’t want to make it seem that they were mocking queerness or genderqueerness. like how historically cis men wearing womens clothing has been presented on television as something funny and a joke.

however ? then ok put effort into not making it a joke. don’t have the doctor make a comment about how they’re women’s clothes and dont have anyone he comes across be weird about it either. treat it as normal or have him change into something more comfortable first thing. don’t have clothes be suddenly included in regeneration for the first time just bc the previous doctor was a woman

edit:

after seeing other people’s comments, I still agree with my first paragraph but no longer feel the same about the second

1. rtd was clearly saying that cishet men in women’s clothing can be turned into and taken as mockery no matter the original intent. that’s very different from saying it is a mockery.

“…the only photo they’d print would be David in what they consider to be women’s clothes. Then it becomes weaponised - as a mockery of feminine traits, a mockery of drag, of that culture. So that was never going to happen.”

2. many of the examples of david tennant in women’s clothing that I’ve seen people post in response ARE mockery. “Davina” was mockery. Just because you might see value in or connect to that character does not erase that it was mockery.

3. rtd has just cast a young black trans actress. i can absolutely understand him wanting to give the press the least amount of ammunition possible because she will inevitably get backlash and he would rather spend his energy protecting an actual young trans woman than fending off transphobic remarks about a cis man wearing “women’s clothing”

4. sacha dhawan is not david tennant and the media attention they receive is nowhere near equal.

5. rtd would not be able to do any of the things I suggested in my original post for a full year. there would be a full year where all the media would have would be thirty seconds of david tennant in “women’s clothes” and no dialogue/character interactions/etc to solidify it as not a joke.

again, you can disagree with his decision!!!! I myself would not have made the same choice in his position!!! but the people accusing him of violent trans-misogyny over this are completely misunderstanding what he said need to remind themselves that there is not a “good choice” and a “evil vile horrible choice”. there are just two choices with their own pros and cons and he made a decision based on what he believed would cause the least amount of harm

[reorientation]

hey, no pressure to answer this obv, but could you elaborate on how you as a cis man came to enjoy this kink? as a trans person i feel pretty lukewarm about it but can understand why other trans people would be into it, but it’s harder for me to understand how it would appeal to a cis person.

Sure, happy to get into it!

First off, the simple chronological answer: breeding is my biggest kink, and trans guys / transmasc NBs are a force on breeding kink Tumblr + the other site. (Seriously: before getting into this kink scene, I did not appreciate what T does to a mf-er.) There's a ton of blogs and they often have a lot of intense, personal, original content - so I started following a bunch of them and things developed from there.

In terms of what I like about it:

I like need and desperation, and it's hard to find anyone needier or more desperate than a trans guy taking T shots. Inexperience also lends itself to dark fantasy - like taking someone's virginity by raping them, or getting them pregnant the first time they have sex - and lots of trans guys on the site are virgins, or single and very inexperienced, for easy-to-understand reasons.

I really enjoy sexual desire as an almost coercive force - people losing control of themselves and doing things that they thought they would never do and liking it - and that's an incredibly potent element of orientation play. Voluntarily giving up your whole identity that you fought so hard for, just because you come so hard when you think about it, is fucking hot. As is it being forced upon you, but you liking it against your will.

I'm also immensely into the physically coercive aspect of breeding: the way that it makes AFAB people's bodies change whether they like it or not, and whether they consented or not. In the case of orientation play, this is amplified by the idea that it's forcing you into being a woman, taking away your identity. Plus, as before, the idea of you liking being pregnant, discovering that what your body did against your will was what you really wanted, is delicious - especially since I've seen some cases where it actually happened.

Bioessentialism is a really hot form of objectification - "I don't care what's in your head, you've still got a pussy and a womb" - and it couples well with fantasies about free use (e.g. "fakeboys should be public fucktoys for straight men until they get over their delusions") and also the extreme horniness induced by T. ("Aww, you tried so hard to be a man and it just made your pussy get wetter?")

Transmasc people are very vocal and enthusiastic participants in the kink scene - this blog gets way more asks, DMs, reblogs with horny tags, etc. than my other one, even though it has fewer followers. Interaction is the most fun part of running a kink blog, so that's a big incentive to keep being active.

Probably more than you were asking for, but I think a lot about what psychological factors power various kinks, so it was fun to dive into discussing it a bit. :)

[genderkoolaid]

I recently listened to the Jules Gill-Peterson episode of Gender Reveal. In it, she argues that the histories of transmasc and transfem people are essentially disconnected until the 80s or so, in part because transmascs migrated to rural areas and went stealth, whereas transfems moved to cities like New York and San Francisco and formed communities. (This brief summary does not do her justice, please read the transcript or listen before responding.) What do you think of her argument? Do you have any historical records that confirm, refute, or complicate it?

So generally I agree with her. Obviously this is specifically about US history, but I agree that transmascs historically have sought isolation to stay stealth where transfems have formed a lot of communities (although thats not to say there havent also been stealth transfems in history). She does bring up transmasculinity in lesbian spaces although its very brief. I kind of wish she focused on it more because I feel like acting as though trans men who lived in stealth isolation from other queers is The transmasc historical narrative erases a lot of the complex ways transmascs lived, and lesbian spaces have always been a MAJOR part of that. Drag masculinity was one way historical transmascs could engage in transmasculinity, and also took place largely in cities & drag kings absolutely interacted with drag queens, so I don't think there wasn't any places where historical transmascs & transfems shared spaces. But she's also a transfem and it makes sense that her focus is more on transfem history & its intricacies.

Honestly I think that the idea that transmascs going stealth vs transfems finding community isn't the interesting thing here. That's whatever. What's more interesting in my opinion is the questions of

Chicken or the egg (ha): do transmascs go stealth instead of forming communities because there were no communities and therefore no awareness that others existed, or was there no community because everyone went stealth?

What is the origin of this difference between transmascs and transfems? What factors influence the difference in our histories?

Listening to modern non-western transmascs talk, I've gotten the idea that part of this comes from how women in patriarchal societies have more restrictions, and often aren't allowed to go out on their own, which limits their ability to find queer spaces and connect with other transmascs. I think there might also be something to be said about the idea that cis society may tend to react to transfems with "you should be cast out" and transmascs as "you should be fixed", but that's just an idea + it's definitely not black-and-white.

Going back to the first question, I'm inclined to believe that they lack of community/awareness came first: I think part of the reason for so many trans men going stealth is because many of them weren't aware other trans men existed, so they had a mindset of "I have to find a way to survive without being outed", whereas transfems knew other transfems existed and so their first step was "find other people like me". I imagine that's also the reason for the difference between stealth trans men and lesbian trans men: maybe people who weren't aware of lesbian spaces were more likely to go stealth, and people who were aware of lesbian spaces joined them for the same reason transfems sought out other transfems. See this quote from a Korean trans man:

"[T]here is nobody that we can really call “older generation.” In Korea FTM identification and transition only began when they learned that such a thing was possible. Before they felt like they didn’t belong in their bodies. The lack of words made it impossible for them to understand what that feeling meant. FTM trans people that are older than me, those in their 40-60s, understood their situation late. Most of them had lived their lives as lesbians until the 1990s. When the Internet started providing information, only after this began, they understood who they were and started treatment."

That's also why the transmasc community only really started after transmascs started getting widespread attention (coinciding with the rise of the Internet as well), because suddenly younger transmascs weren't either becoming butches or going stealth- they knew others existed and wanted to find them. (As a side note: I got the idea for a historical fiction story exploring the idea of some kind of "transmasc secret society", because I'm sure there was some point in history where at least a few guys found each other).

I think its important to ask these questions lest we fall into the trap of "transmascs just love their male privilege and want to preserve it and have never done anything for the trans community, unlike transfems, who are the real trans people". That ignores how transandrophobia has shaped the behavior of transmascs.

I do have another criticism: maybe she's doing this on purpose, but I feel like its extremely oversimplifying the history of how people treated crossdressing women to say that it was seen as just a cool thing. There was definitely a different attitude to the idea of women crossdressing for survival, but (and this might be kind of nit-picky but its something that gets on my nerves so humor me):

If you weren't crossdressing for survival, that was a problem. I am of the opinion that a good amount of women/"women" who would make this argument when they got caught crossdressing were doing so because "'I'm doing it to survive!" would probably get you some sympathy, but "I'm doing this cause I like it!" would get you. you know. jailed for crossdressing & labeled an invert. And there is an expectation there that, if you no longer need to do that to survive, you would stop doing it, and to insist on continuing to do that would, again, get you labeled an invert.

I just in general really really dislike hearing people say "well the patriarchy wants everyone to be a man" because No It Does Not. its similar to that post that goes "bi women are told they should be lesbians and lesbians are told they should be bi but the actual goal is for there to be no queer women at all". Cis women might be told they would be worth more if they were men, but thats another case of generalized "man" being used to erase cisness. Cis women need to be cis women (and therefore wives & mothers), thats why women/"women" are so heavily controlled. You may have cases of "father wanted a boy so he makes his daughter live as a son" but that has always been seen as abnormal or even cruel. The idea of invert women and women who crossdress as man because of their ~evil sinful desires~ is not new (One scientist estimated "that one woman in every 3,000 is the victim of this strange mania")

I think crossdressing women historically were reported on with a sense of awe partially because I think a lot of people didn't realize how easy it is to pass and so the idea of a man being secretly a woman, or vice versa, was something unbelievable (a lot of old news articles about these people I've read spent a lot of time focusing on how no one could tell and being shocked at them voting & marrying women). Also because a lot of them were only outed in death so there wasn't a living person to confront or arrest. But I think we should hesitate to take news reports that saw them as some interesting headline to mean "people thought they were cool and treated them well" (especially in situations where we only have stuff like headlines & we may not know exactly how people felt about the person). Looking through my hoard of historical trans men resources, you have stories like Augustus Baudouin, a 17 year old who was outed after being put in prison for robbery. After being placed in the women's ward, his "repugnance to appear in women's attire" was so great that he hung himself. Even if the headline called him "extraordinary", being outed ended with him dead (in a way that grimly mirrors transmasc suicide deaths today). Christine Vensettie was also arrested so he could be forced to get "treatment" for his crossdressing. Edward De Lacy Evans's story shows a bit of what "treatment" can mean (namely, medical abuse & sexual assault) and was literally put in a freak show.

This isn't to say that the violence and repulsion Western society has long held towards transfems isn't bad or anything, just that I feel like portraying the history of society's reaction to female crossdressers like this ignores a lot of complexity. Also "the patriarchy wants women to be men" is like the #1 TERF belief when it comes to trans men, so I'm always on edge whenever anyone says it or something like it because it contributes to the belief that society really is trying to influence young girls to transition. I think people, when talking about passing trans men, always focus a lot on what happens when we pass and talk far less about the consequences when we don't.

Anyways this got much longer than I initially planned lmao. In general I agree with her, she obviously knows a lot and I'm also sure this was just a snippet of her beliefs on this topic. In my opinion one of the big questions about transmasculinity to work through is that of our history, because its so easy to compare it to transfems and see how little there is in comparison. And I think, besides just wanting to know more about our history, its important to investigate this to understand more about how transandrophobia works. Erasure is one of the biggest parts of transandrophobia and exploring why our existence has been erased in the past, and how that erasure has impacted our lives, will help us fight erasure today and in the future. So I hope to see more people going past just "transmascs tended to go stealth" and examine the factors which influenced this & why, across the world, transmascs tend to be erased and isolated while transfems tend to have communities and specific terms.

[gettinontopic]

Transandrophobia is real and it isn't about Trans Women opressing Trasn Men its about how the patriarchy attacks all masculinity that isnt the Cishetallo peri-sex able-bodied white man style that's been cultivated since this land was stolen!!!

It covers anyone who's felt like their identity was dictated by them not being allowed to be a man, or being forced to be a man due to factors they couldn't control. It covers anyone who's masculinity was punished because they aren't a man or weren't a man at one point.

It covers how the patriarchy treats masculinity like a prison and anyone who fights that is treated like an escaped prisoner.

[More under cut bc this got way longer than I originally meant]

Patriarcy hates you if you aren't cis no matter how well you preform, designed to try and make you feel like to relax you have to pass as their idea of man, even if thats not anywhere near who you are as a person.

God forbid you be assigned male and the go through and different puberty then they want. Or god forbid you have a physical traigh that the Patriarchy doesn't thing adds up to man. And go fuck yourself if they assign you male and then find something that makes them sneak off, change shit (possibly without parental consent either) and say "haha we were wrong its a healthy baby girl actually!" Only for your classmates to mock you as you start to have seemingly a "wrong" puberty for girld your age.

It hates you if you aren't white, and sees your masculinity as Femininity (in a derogatory way) or as a funny mimicry of its own. It laughs at you or marks you as more violent no matter how many of the acceptable White Words you use. It kills you if you inspire too many people to like you and agree with you. Your're treated stange and forgein no matter how many of you there are in the world around them.

It hates you if you aren't the ideal allo. If you look at romance as anything as Husband and Wife in a Nice White House and with at least Two White Kids and behind your White Picket Fence. If you look at friendship as anything other than secondhand to romance. It teaches you to see critisisms of centralizing romance and sex everywhere, as personal attacks to lash back on.

It hates you if you are a Women who likes masculinity. Because the Patriarchy doesn't see Women as somone who should have masculinity. Women bring new ways to look at masculinity and new ways to present it. Thats is a threat to the Patriarchies need to keep tight fitting boxes.

Butches, cis or trans, are treated like ticking time bombs who should be carefully wire cut so they don't explode and leave their self crafted masculinity where the Patriarchy has to see it.

It hates you if you aren't able bodied. It looks at you as something to be fixed to fufill a role that it assigned, not nature. It looks at you as a failure for not being able to preform the song and dance it choreographed. It mocks you and abandons you because it knows you can't keep up, the goalpost always moving past what you prove you can do.

No man has a mobility aid until he's old. No man has sickness in his body until he earns it (by being old) Men can always lift heavy things (and must hurt themslves being a proud old man). Men always work the Jobs. Men always have working bodies and big muscles (but not fat haha. Never fat thats gross).

The Patriarchy hates fat. Fat makes you a failure. Fat means you aren't a worker. Fat means you're probably greedy with food. Fat is something to be bred out of us or forced off of us and god forbid someone know they're loveable while fat. Patriarchy find fat people who love themselves and it tries to convince them with every breath that they should take it back. It's made to humiliate bodies that don't fit an imagined porn outline.

The Patriarchy hates you if you're a child. Boy or Girl it sets you up to assume distrust in each other. It eagerly shoves away children who don't fit a future beauty and behavior mold and even children who can pretend they fit, are left empty because it's not what they want to grow into. It's what the Patriarchy told them they had no choice but to grow into, as it covers their eyes and ears to better things.

...

Are there other words too? Yeah. There is. There's so many words that overlap and explain lots of these. And this is one of them.

It's for the demonization of masculinity in a society that recognizes only 1 as correct. It's about the Patriarchy and it being a glutton for giving punishment. It's about the System and how it intsects with us as people.

Please find it in you to understand that we are all fighting this together, and that Patriarchy whats you to hate a word more than you hate the system that made that word real.

[thatdogmagic]

This is the last post I plan on making about the current situation.

I've been trying to recall what it is that might be getting repeated, and there's a couple instances I can think of that are pretty ripe for taking snips:

There are chat logs where I made unkind generalizations about autistic cis men, in the context of the majority of my experiences with them being largely negative, and being relieved that I had a space where my own neurodiversity had room to unfold.

She has chatlogs where I commented on not fully understanding trans men who still veered ultra-femmy, even though I don't have any trouble wrapping my head around butch trans women. That contradiction made me think about it quite a bit, and ultimately decided it wasn't a great opinion to have/was mostly just some lingering All Things Being Binary shit I still find myself unpacking.

I'm sure there's other thorny conversations that can be pruned for content, but I'm having trouble thinking of what it is beyond interpersonal clashes and, yeah. I've already seen the depths of missing context there.

There is no better example, in fact, than the comparison of shadowy werewolves with glowing eyes/teeth. It was taken from a concept that was tabled after approval was actively sought because there was a recognized stylistic overlap. Since 'shadow werewolf with glowing eyes/teeth' is a very common visual element in a lot of werewolf artwork, we also went on to discuss when those visual elements would best be avoided, and when they could be put to use.

This wasn't mentioned in the original comparison posts. Nor was it mentioned that it was never intended for public posting. It was a thumbnail idea for promotional material, drawn over a month ago - and nearly a full year after Lacey's skin tone changed - and it was quietly set aside in favor of other ideas.

Bottom line, I don't have any control over what she does with what she has. I don't have any control over what people think about it. But I do have control over what I do with me, and what I plan to do is stay off social media for the forseeable future, and keep working on the projects that matter to me, like I always have.

In the meantime, if you know me off social media:

I do not want to be contacted about any additional escalation

I do not need to know about any further instances of reposted chatlogs or artwork

It's kind of you to want to know my side of the story, but for my own reasons I'd rather not go into it beyond what I've already posted.

If we discussed commission work that you no longer want, please let me know ASAP so I can remove you from the list I have prepped for when I get back to taking those. Those of you who contacted me about it already have my email address.

All that being said, I understand if even with context, some comments lose people. I'm not gonna hold that against anyone. Where I'm at in my own development is probably not going to be enough for some, and that's fine. It doesn't have to be, and it won't stop me from continuing to try.

End of the day, keep in mind that this is still a personal altercation being made public, with everything that entails.

PS - If any other art is being posted: understand that it is being done without permission, after Ependa and I both actively tried to delete those pieces off the server, stated we'd done so intentionally, and then actively requested those files be deleted off the server/her machine when we were made aware of the fact that she was using third party plugins to retain access.

[bazooka-overkill]

MR SANDMAN BRAINROT EUEUUUGGHHH

okay yay brainrot won the poll. also i might psot dragon chan headcanons requested by wallet becuz yaaaaaayyy

uhhh also i dont really gaf about timelines. so if something doesnt line up time wise. ignore it. shh

ermmm cw for child fighting!! mr sandman didnt have the best middle school experience

BAZOOKA'S THOUGHTS:

i need this man so badly PLS MR. SANDMAN ONE CHAAAAANCEEEE

who typed that omg…

GENERAL SANDMAN INFO (canon + headcanon)

full name: isaiah joseph banks

birthday: april 12th

age: 31

height: 6’5” (197 cm)

weight: 284 lbs (129 kg)

origin: philadelphia, PA, USA

gender: cis male

sexuality: bisexual (might be in denial lmao. men say theyre fighting demons and the demons r bisexuality LMFAO)

family:

victoria banks, mother, alive

george banks, father, alive

no siblings

HEAD CANON TIME:

- insomniac. goes between sleeping for 11 hrs during the day and not sleeping at ALL, also explains the eyebags in his TD

- incredibly horrible sleep schedule. stems from his childhood

- also stems from his childhood but not exactly the best at socializing w other people

- somehow is friends w glass joe. don't ask me how it works they just ARE (and they may be a little. fruity.)

- has one of those light up squishy things that u hit to change the color. yeah he either fucking SLAMS that thing or gently pats it when he wants to change it. it’s a bunny for anyone curious

- goes thru the 5 min nap to the 5 hour nap pipeline. “oh im just gonna take a small nap,” then wakes up w the blankets all over the fucking room, the god damn windows r open, he’s somehow upside down, etc etc

- him and the ref have beef after his TD victory animation

- was one of those kids that would be on his knees near some mulch playing w the roly polies on the playground. he'd have like 20 in his palms in 5 minutes

- if u catch him right when he wakes up (like. RIGHT right when he wakes up) he accidentally calls people “baby.” it’s a habit he picked up from his mom and he’s pushed it back into his mind, but it slips when he isn’t exactly thinking (totally not projecting my own habits onto him guys)

- adding to the above that the person who originally found this out was glass joe. take that as you will

- he sends some of his boxing money to his parents to support them (he’s a mamas boy LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE)

- doesn’t exactly search for a relationship, believes that when he decides he’s ready for one the right person will find him

- gets dragged into world circuit outings by either super macho man or aran ryan. on the rare occasion it’ll be soda. one time they all went bowling and sandman watched aran ryan throw a bowling ball like a fucking baseball and it broke the ceiling

- knows how to make a MEAN philly cheese steak. will be mentally freak out (positively) if someone mentions they’ve never had one before. if he wasn’t so stoic he would be jumping up and down and going “YAAAAAYYYYY🎉🎉🎉” becuz he finally gets an excuse to make one for someone

- has 100% almost broken the world circuit ring's ropes (see his intermission animation in contender)

- his locker in the locker rooms is either completely spotless or dented to hell and back. bonus points if theres like. a fake succulent in there or some shit

- luvs animals. takes pics of cool animals he sees anywhere

origin backstory thing under cur bc its long

origin:

isaiah joseph banks, known as his boxing alias mr. sandman, was born on april 12th to victoria banks and george banks in the Doylestown Hospital. born to loving parents, isaiah grew up as an only child.

isaiah learned to keep to himself and care for himself very early on, as both of his parents were usually at work. they worked hard to provide for isaiah and themselves, but always put their son first. they

the time they spent at work would be made up at home, albeit this time could never be fully made up for a young isaiah. he had spent more time with babysitters and nannies than his own parents. of course, isaiah knew his parents loved him, but all the bonds that were supposed to be formed hadn’t; the time frame had passed.

the time they did spend together was… memorable, really. not in a bad way, but every moment— every waking minute— made isaiah into the man he is today.

every night, when his mother was home early enough, she would sing him a soft lullaby. when she wasn’t, his mother had recorded this lullaby onto a tape for him to listen to. this lullaby was the song that made mr. sandman: Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes. it wasn’t a typical children’s lullaby by any means, but by god he loves that song— present tense intended.

then, a problem arose: school. starting middle school is one thing, but isaiah found out how cruel children could be.

isaiah was big, to put it lightly. five foot six at age 12 was enough ground for bullying, and being dropped off by a few different babysitters/nannies in the morning only added to the ammunition.

with how big he was, the bullying never went farther than verbal harassment. soft giggling every time he talked in class, glances from across the classroom, the bullying was subtle except for the occasional direct blow to isaiah.

his boxing interest began when he was thirteen, where his parents enrolled him in a self defense class that revolved around boxing and the sort. they had found out about the bullying from the babysitters, as isaiah had been reporting what they had been saying to him. there, young isaiah learned the basics of boxing: dodging, punching, and jabs had been added to his arsenal.

isaiah had always relished in the safety of knowing that he’d never get attacked at school, but unfortunately this was false.

it was brutal really; the poor boy had been caught in the bathroom and was attacked from behind, slammed his face into the sink, and assaulted from there. it took around two minutes for teachers to hear the commotion, but they were two minutes too late.

there, isaiah was brought to the hospital. no one truly knows the full extent of his injuries, minus his parents. if you look closely at mr. sandman, his top teeth are a little crooked.

nothing exactly eventful happened other than he moved schools, and everything was smooth from there.

his boxing career began to take off when he was 17, when he met an old babysitter of his— one who had taken care of him up until he was 13. he had become a boxing coach and offered to take isaiah up as a student.

if you ever ask mr. sandman in an interview about his boxing idol, he’d most likely say his coach. that man taught him nearly everything he knows, and even taught him the dreamland express move that mr. sandman is most known for, albeit modified.

mr. sandman picked up his alias when his coach told him about the WVBA and their boxers. it was almost inevitable he’d choose mr. sandman in honor of his mother.

he had his first fight at age 18, where it went swimmingly well. records of this fight have been lost to time, but, according to word of mouth, mr. sandman nearly killed the poor man.

i gotta be honest w u all idk how to continue this. umm mr sandman meets a wvba recruiter and then uh yah.😁😁😁

[cardentist]

well ! I'm making this post to make a point.

for context, I made this post [Link] earlier, wherein I spoke first about my frustrations with cis people not considering the trans perspective, and Second about my frustrations with me doing so immediately being framed as an attack on trans women specifically Because my frustrations were tied to me being a trans man.

(I do Also consider myself trans fem, but that wasn't particularly relevant to the original post, so I didn't mention it at the time).

this was then followed by an interaction in dms wherein the quiet part was spoken out loud.

1: that trans men Are Not equal to trans women, and that it is taken as an attack on trans women to present them as such (it is not).

2: that the idea that any individual trans man could face harm within the trans community from any other individual is, itself, transmisogynistic because it implies that trans women are capable of oppressing trans men (it does not).

3: that it is Impossible for any individual trans woman to ever speak over any individual trans man, because trans women are women and trans men are men (it is not).

4: that trans women possess some Secret Additional Layer of oppression that no trans man could ever match up to no matter what their individual experiences are, even when that trans man is Also a trans woman (they do not).

5: and by extension, that every single individual trans woman has it worse than every individual trans man in every situation (theoretical or real) no matter what, thus making anything that a trans man experiences Lesser Than by default (do I even need to say anything).

I am going to put the entire conversation (censored) under readmore, but I need it to be understood that This Is Not Hyperbole.

when I say that trans men are singled out and attacked for the simple act of having a voice This Is What I Mean. it is considered by some people to be Inherently Transgressive, Inherently Bigoted, for trans men to consider themselves equals. for trans men to consider their experiences equal.

and so, it is Assumed by Default that a trans man speaking on his own experiences is harmful to trans women Regardless of whether trans women are being spoken on or not.

not everyone thinks this way of course (and the people who Do think this way aren't dictated by gender, this isn't trans mascs vs trans fems this is about bigotry, which anyone is capable of)

but a Significant Enough proportion of people Do, and people don't recognize or realize this fact.

if you feel that I am being hyperbolic, if you've never been exposed to this way of thinking before, if you find yourself Agreeing with any of the points I have listed above, I do suggest reading through this conversation and the posts linked to it.

content warning for a brief non-graphic mention of rape/csa within the linked posts and this conversation.

Me: I know odds are you don't want to hear it, and that's fine you can ignore this message entirely if you'd like. but I Do think you'd better understand what my perspective is if you were to read my response

I do think I Understand where your perspective is coming from, and I get it on an emotional level. but there's a disconnect here where intent is assumed when it doesn't need to be [Screenshot of tags written by anonymous that reads: transandbros (transandrophobia + bros) they think that they can’t be the most privileged in a group because they think trans women have privilege over them. End Transcription]

I am trans masc yes, I am also trans fem, and I don't enjoy assumptions like this being made about me.

Anonymous: i said trans women as in TMA [transmisogyny affected] people. not transmasc or tranfem which can be used by tme [transmisogyny exempt] and tma [transmisogyny affected] trans people

Me: like I said in my response, I want to go on testosterone, physically transition, and then present femininely. I want things like an audibly deep voice, facial hair, a square jaw. I also want to keep my breasts, I want long hair and feminine features, I want to dress femininely and be read as a feminine And masculine person

I also live in mississippi. 

now do you think that if I do that I will walk outside and never ever experience transmisogyny.

Anonymous: also trans men oppress trans women and benefit from transmisogyny. i say this as someone who benefits from transmisogyny as well. i oppress trans women. i experience misdirected transmisogyny as someone w [with] facial hair and a low voice and long hair and tites. And when people in and out of my community learn about my gender and transition, much of tht [the] MISDIRECTED transmisogyny disapears[disappears]. my experience is better in certain situations than it would be for a similar trans women. if tht [that] is a statement you cannot aggree [agree] with than [then] there is nothing to discuss here

there is no way for a trans women to speak over a trans women [I think they meant trans men?] if they are otherwise on [a] similar playing field (white, abled, class, religion etc) thats not what speaking over means. thats like cis men thinking cis women are dominating the conversation when they make up even 30% of the conversation

Me: the post I was responding to was written by a cis person, I asked people to consider the trans experience and spoke about how it was frustrating that people Don't do that. /I/ was the trans person speaking to a cis person, and then it was decided after the fact that I was somehow stepping on trans women's toes by doing so.

Anonymous: okay great. shouldve kept that context than maybe you wouldnt have also revealed u [you] think trans women can oppress trans men

Me: this is why I suggested you read my response, because I don't believe that and I also explained explicitly why I didn't include the username of the original poster (though part of it, of course, is that I didn't want anyone to harass the op) 

Anonymous: i did read ur [your] response thats how i know you think trans women oppress trans men as equally as trans men oppress trans women

Me: that's not really how oppression works? I believe that trans people are able to Hurt Each Other, because all people as individuals are capable of harming each other as individuals. this is not the same thing as oppression, oppression is a systemic power structure that puts one group above another.

what I've said is that I believe trans people are equals, and you think this is a bad thing? 

I didn't even say that trans people are equals In The World As A Whole (though I do believe that), I said they're equals Specifically Within The Trans Community made by and for trans people.

Anonymous: and i wholeheartedly disagree with that! its incredibly clear as a tme [transmisogyny exempt] trans butch lesbian in community with trans women, its incredibly easy to see how tme [transmisogyny exempt] people are privileged over tma [transmisogyny affected] people

including in lgbt and trans specific spaces!!!

Me: so your point is that from Your perspective you have seen the way that people within queer and trans spaces have made you feel othered and hurt people for being trans fem.

my point is that This Is True, I have seen this as well. but I have Also seen people take that exact same energy and point it at other trans people. I have personally been othered and torn down both for being trans masc And for being nonbinary at different points in time. 

I am telling you that you are right, but that people need to be more open to other people's perspectives to get a clearer picture on the over all situation. 

because when we look at Everyone is saying, the truth seems to be that All trans people are torn down for who they are.

why is that a bad thing? what does it hurt to consider that I have also experienced something similar to you?

I Really hope that your point isn't that I am privileged compared to other trans fems after I spoke in depth about being raped by a man and how that's affected me for the rest of my life

Anonymous: no im litterally [literally] saying that amab trans fems and trans women experience another layer of oppression from afab trans people. i litterally [literally] told you i am also an afab transmasc person. why do you transandrophobia truthers litterally [literally] always jump to trauma dumping ! if you want to put it in those terms, you are privileged in comparison to amab transpeople who actually have higher rates of sexual abuse and rape. you are not more privileged than cis people who experience lower rates rape and sexual abuse.

and fuck u for reading me call myself a butch lesbian and calling me transfem so it suits ur argument

Me: 1: I'm sorry I called you trans fem when that isn't how you identify, I thought you'd explained to me that you were tme trans fem like you consider me to be. we're both upset and this isn't really the best medium to hold a conversation with, so it's easy to word things in a way that can be misinterpreted as well as misinterpret things that would be clearer if you had more time to sit on and absorb the information.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I am frustrated with you continuously jumping to the most negative reading of my intentions possible.

to rephrase my point:

"so your point is that from Your perspective you have seen the way that people within queer and trans spaces have othered and hurt people for being trans fem."

followed by the rest of it

2: that's not actually true, there are a few studies that have found that trans mascs over all face similar (and at points higher) rates of sexual abuse to trans women.

(this is a link to a tumblr post, but that tumblr post is a link to a study, I've included This link because it has easily accessible pictures of the relevant graphs).

though coincidentally I've recently made a post that relevant to this exact topic

the point I made there (and the point I'm going to make here) is that saying "This minority group experiences This Thing less than That minority group" isn't useful when speaking to individuals because those individuals have still experienced trauma.

individual people Are Not every statistic about their minority group, and they cannot have their Experienced compared based on those statistics

because Experiences are not dictated by statics. and treating people as if their experiences don't matter because their experiences don't match the statistics is cruel.

the other point being, of course, that using studies like this to try to hard measure the Amount Of Oppression between different minority groups is silly.

these are self reported with relatively small sample sizes of specific locations at a specific time. they're Important to prove that there is a problem, but there has never and will never be a measure of the experiences of every trans man vs every trans woman that we can then calculate and compare.

I'm sure there Are some statistics out there that show trans women with a marginal increase of sexual abuse compared to trans men, just like there are some statistics out there that show the opposite.

what this tells us is not that one group Inherently has it worse than the other, it tells us that trans people experience sexual assault, and that's a problem that needs to be addressed.

3: I find it incredibly distasteful to insist over and over again that someone is not oppressed, that they are privileged, that they haven't been hurt in a meaningful way. and Then refer to them speaking about their lived experiences as "trauma dumping"

if you can't handle frank discussions on the trauma and oppression that trans people experience on a day to day basis then you really shouldn't be commenting on that trauma.

[End conversation]

screenshots of the full conversation can be found here: [Link] I would've made a video to fully prove that these aren't doctored, but I don't want to out the person I was speaking to. they don't deserve harassment

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/733536361807806464/you-know-what-medical-pet-peeve-i-kind-understand

To "answer" the first point: I know why it's a requirement, that's why I started of with "I kind understand it but I still find it stupid and hate it." I could have made it clearer that I know exactly why, but I didn't want to spend too much time on it. But to elaborate, when I was told about the requirement to take birth control, I also got an entire 10 page A4 pamphlet with every side effect and explanation as to what to expect, and what/why I'd need to do, and why I'd need to take birth control. I understood the reasoning they gave, but I also found it dumb because I'm just not in the "risk" category because I simply do not engage in any activities that could result in a pregnancy, nor would I have an interest in carrying one out if it still magically happened. Sorry Jesus 2.0. Also, I'm not in the US, and where I am abortions are legal and accessible.

As to the IUD thing. The dermatologists I spoke to, two of them, said that even if I did use a IUD I'd still be required to take birth control because it might fall out, and they also said that it's an issue of them having to prescribe the birth control together with the Isotretinoin. Basically the birth control and the acne medicine would have to be prescribed by the same doctor as a confirmation that I'm not doing it without birth control, and since they don't do IUD's it wouldn't "count" even if it was a valid option, which it isn't. No clue what happens if another doctor already prescribes a patient Birth control.

As to just not taking the birth control, I actually don't know what they'd do if you don't take the birth control, best case they don't care, worst case they might just deny me from getting the medicine I actually want I guess. I also don't know if the piss test also covers checking for the birth control, what I do know is that it tests for pregnancy, and you also get a blood test to test the liver status. Idk what more it does, I don't remember everything from the pamphlet.

There were no notes on what happens if you still get pregnant even if you're on the BC, I'm guessing you'd be taken off Isotretinoin. Not sure, didn't ask, I'm not planning on getting pregnant so it wasn't a question on my mind.

Also since I'm already talking about the pamphlet. If you are a woman, a person with an uterus, or are listed as female like on your birth certificate, you have to take birth control. Which was kinda funny because it seems to cover everyone except cis men. Menopause, transmen, even if you've had your tubes tied/hysterectomy you'd have to take it. And trans women, though I'm not sure if that was just a "cover our asses" and you don't actually have to take it if you have medical proof of being a transwoman.

It's honestly just very frustrating because I understand the reasoning, but it also makes people like me completely unable getting a treatment which could help me with a giant insecurity and give me a quality of life upgrade, just because I can't take birth control without giant side effects that could make my life much worse. Just because some people decided to fuck around and find out. It feels kinda like I'm being punished and forced towards a basically impossible choice, because of the dumb choices of others.

You know, just because some people are dumb, they ruin it for everyone who's not dumb.

TMI originally I took birth control to try and fix my skin, which is why I know the side effects on my body and stopped. I remember at some point in my teens my insecurity was so bad, and my mental health, if I had been given the information of this medication that could help me and then been basically told that I can't take it unless I again take a medication that I know causes me so much pain and I think I might have done something to myself. Like I mentioned when using birth control I had "bloating, nausea, periods , weight fluctuation, itchy for some reason, one even made me leak and then my breasts got so badly inflamed wearing a shirt was agony..." to add and explain it made my periods worse, including cramping and instead of helping with my skin it actually made that worse. I have no idea why birth control made me itchy but it also ended up with me constantly have welts all over my body because I kept scratching, maybe it somehow made me my skin more sensitive and "thin". I tried a few birth controls because my doctor back then tried to find one that worked, and none of them did.

--

You could be allergic to anything in the pills from the actual hormones to the dyes, though this description does sound like online descriptions of reactions to synthetic progesterone. Very annoying.