#the price of being chronically ill i guess

[nexus-nebulae]

i know enough medical terms that i could probably pass as someone studying medicine in a normal conversation and i can't tell if that's cool or sad

[just-here-with-my-thoughts]

Fic Roundup!

Febuwhump (@febuwhump) is over, and Bad Things Happen Bingo (@badthingshappenbingo) is nearly complete! Here's a quick roundup of how it went...

Your favourite fic:-

This is probably between I Love You / Sole Survivor which got the biggest reaction on Tumblr, and A Fair Price To Pay which had more love on AO3. They're at the opposite ends of the scale in word count (300 vs nearly 10k) but I guess what they have in common is how much you all love Crosshair and want him to be redeemed :)

My favourite fic:-

Despite it being a massive stress which I barely finished on time, posting at five minutes to midnight, I loved writing Adrenaline Crash! My favourite phrase was 'the crepitus of broken bones' and I was really pleased with the ending where I described Omega 'digging her fingers into the cracks in Hunter's armour' - yes, I meant it literally and metaphorically!

The one I want to write more of:-

There's actually a couple of these fics I want to write epilogues for - Presumed Dead and A Fair Price To Pay are the main ones. But I'd also love to do a rewrite of Human Weapon / Worked Themselves To Exhaustion (also known as the Birthday Cake Fic) with more time to develop my version of the Batch living happily on Pabu, and featuring more of the characters for Omega to interact with!

And now for the stats:-

Total Word Count This Month - approximately 40,000 Longest Fic - A Fair Price To Pay, 9675 words Shortest Fic - Left For Dead, 135 words New Followers - 11! (I'm so excited to have you along and I hope you've enjoyed the stories!)

Future Plans?

I'm going to go write those epilogues, and then it's back to my WIP fic Pieces Of The People We Love! If you enjoyed the Cadet Batch stories I've posted for Febuwhump, this is where to find more of it - Part 3 should be coming soon :) I have three more squares to cross off of my Bad Things Happen Bingo square: Kick Them Whilst They Are Down, Self-Surgery and Going Into Hiding. Got an idea you can donate? Drop me a fic request, because in the short-term I have wrung my imagination dry ^^;

Lastly a huge thank you to everyone who has followed, reblogged, commented, and liked my fiction this past month. Re-reading the tags on the reblogs was great when I was feeling unmotivated, and it's so fun to know you've enjoyed reading my stories as much as I've enjoyed telling them! Thank you for all your support! <3

And a quick summary of everything I've written in the past month:-

Bad Batch - Cadet Batch Day 21 - Unresponsive / Asthma Attack Day 25 - Lightning Strike Day 1 - Helpless / Caught in a Snare Day 14 - Blood-Stained Tiles / Ice Pack Day 24 - "I'm doing this because I care about you" / Victim Blaming

Day 26 - "Help Them" / Compelling Voice

The Bad Batch Day 2 - Solitary Confinement / Bruises Day 4 - Obedience / Conditioning Day 7 - Suffering in Silence / Chronic Illness Day 8 - Found Footage Day 16 - "I love you" / Sole Survivor Day 18 - Too Weak To Move / Bundled Up In Blankets Day 23 - Presumed Dead

Day 5 - Rope Burns / Bound & Gagged Day 12 - Semi-Conscious / Over-the-Shoulder Carry Day 19 - Please Don't / Adrenaline Crash

Day 11 - Time Loop / Cabin Fever Day 27 - Left for Dead Day 28 - "No... not like this" Day 29 - Not Allowed To Die Day 15 - A Fair Price To Pay ("Who did this to you" / Tortured for Information) Day 22 - Human Weapon / Worked Themselves to Exhaustion Bonus BTHB Fic - Elusive: A Stardust Conspiracy Fanfic ("I know you're in there somewhere" fight)

Other/Original Fiction Day 10 - Killing in Self Defence (Mass Effect) Day 9 - Last Words Day 3 - "Bite down on this" / Dissociation Day 20 - Truth Serum Day 13 - "You weren't supposed to get hurt" / Scar to Remember Day 6 - "You lied to me" / Angry Mob Day 17 - Human Shield / Impaled Chest

[diabeticallyhere]

Being in the diabetes community is really hard for me.

Most of the time, posting and interacting with other diabetes content feels like… shared trauma, I guess? Like, it feels like people almost always post about the bad things, because it’s a chronic illness that’s exhausting, and never stops, and probably is never getting ‘better’ (in the sense of not being ‘sick’ anymore), and there’s always something wrong, and people die somewhat often from not being able to afford insulin because of price gouging and capitalism and classism and….

A lot of people on diabetes tumblr are like, mutuals and support each other and really respond to each other’s posts. Which is very kind, and an act of solidarity, I think.

But it also still feels like a lot of energy for me. It feels exhausting to just think about how fucking tiring my life is all the time. Even when my numbers are good. Even when I’m able to be doing a good job.

It’s still so tiring to think about how the other shoe could drop literally anytime.

I personally have a lot of trauma around diabetes, being diagnosed young and thinking I would die soon for a long time. It’s taken a long, long time to be less dissociated and actually feel my body cues and trust that I’m going to keep living.

But at the same time, I hate inspiration porn, and those diabetics who flaunt that they “can do anything they put their mind to, just like anyone else!” and who brag that they don’t eat sugar.

I feel like I’ve been needing to say this for a long time. My diabetes blog is somewhat inactive, and my posts are, more often than not, ‘vent’ type posts or posts about the negative parts of diabetes.

But at the same time, my diabetes is better than it’s ever been, so I’m proud of myself for that. And I guess on that level, it’s not as big of ‘a thing’ for me?

But I feel bad for talking about it, even though it’s taken a lot to get there.

I just… I don’t know.

The T1D community on here feels tiring, and it makes me feel worn out to think about how exhausted and burnt out we all are, more often than not. But the thought of deleting this blog is a little bit sad. (But at the same time, what’s the point of keeping this blog around if it’s just exhausting to me to think about and remind me how bitter about my diabetes?)

[faeriesaurus]

chronic illness is such a weird and exhausting way to exist. i spent the better part of the last week in and out of urgent care and appointments for an injury that's apparently already healed? it seems that i fractured my t12 vertebra at least three months ago and i don't even remember the inciting incident. the doctors told me the kind of fracture it is was likely caused by a fall, but i fall so often that that doesn't narrow it down at all. i fractured a vertebra and found out after it healed because i guess i just gained one more injury for my body to inflame when I'm flaring. i felt like i was only going to urgent care as a precaution, i went in literally thinking that "eh, I've had worse pain and symptoms than this, maybe this will all end up being unnecessary." i guess this really put some of my pain levels into perspective though.

i spent the week being patronized and having my gender identity and sex picked at and joked about. i had to answer so many questions about my wheelchair and my illnesses, and not all of these questions were even clinically necessary for them to be asking me. i got chastised for not exercising enough after literally telling the doctor that i often pass out when i try to and then prescribed a pt regimen that would literally leave me bedbound if i followed through with it. i don't usually have the spoons to leave the house more than like a couple times a week tops and i am absolutely paying the price for this week. in some ways my body is hurting more than it did when i went in.

i just spent a full time jobs worth of energy trying to take care of a body that can't even work a part time job, but at least i got a nice brace and new medical bills out of it. back to the grind with more pain and another appointment tomorrow. if you're wondering what your chronically ill and disabled people are doing with all of that time they have not working jobs? it's this, and it can often be much more than this depending on the person. and a lot of us actually have to commute for many appointments so we can have the specialists we need for our specific conditions too. i commute to a couple of my doctors just because they actually respect and listen to me about the body I live in.

we're tired.

[crescentisleart]

🌟I'M OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!🌟 (Rd1: 9-29/11-29)

Greetings to everyone who is and everyone who isn't. As content as I'd be to reblog things forever, I do draw and I do need things… soooo, drawing instead of ebegging because crushing guilt either way and using my one chosen defining skill to feel useful? To be honest and fair, I just need at least $25-30 to get past instafart's bs, but I could also do so much more if my chronically ill butt just… tried? I have self-trust issues, don't @ me… Also, I'm not starving; I need sundries. 🤷🏾

✅ will draw: fanart, ocs, nudity, light gore, suggestive/light n-s-f-w. Furry, animals, therian, toon, and light kink all welcome

⛔ probably won't draw: heavy gore and n-s-f-w, mecha (not because I don't like it, I just doubt my skills in it. Ask at your own risk, I guess…)

🌟PRICES🌟

🌟NOTES🌟

The color type is the base price, the size adds as advertised

Detailed backgrounds, extra characters, and/or designs will cost extra; about +10-15 each depending on my spoons at the moment.

One-page comics are... doable, but not a thing I plan to do often, at BnW or Full Color price + $40. Comics are hard, even short ones.

One of observant mind will notice that one of the examples is traditional. DO please specify if you'd prefer traditional or digital. If not, I'm gonna randomly do one, the other, or a mixture (It's the same effort for me, either way.)

There will be times where I will NOT be able to sit up and work. I will either edit this message, or make another one with said announcement on it and pin it. An then subsequently edit or make another message again to announce that I'm well again. So goes the conditions of having a corporal body; sometimes you get stuck with a shitty one.

I plan on taking breaks. They will be announced similarly. Because breaks are good for you.

The ability to say 'no' is always at my discretion. I'm willing to try things; I am NOT willing to be uncomfortable.

I have more examples if you're curious, just nothing recent or that I personally feel represents me as an artist at the moment... It's complicated...

Reading is hard, so I made the different bullet points different colors. Um... yw?

🌟CHECKLIST🌟

Email me at angelicdirt0 (at) gmail.com. Say hi, say hey, and include "commission" somewhere in your subject line, please! OR dm me if you need to ask something real quick - but full requests with references, descriptions etc. should be exchanged via email. :v

Please include:

What type of commission you'd like - b&w/color, portrait/half body/full body, how many characters, etc. references of the character(s) - if you don't have an image of them drawn out in their entirety, please provide picture references of all their parts (hair, face, clothes, colors, etc.)... You have a reference sheet? Even better!

What you want to see - what pose do you want your character(s) to be in? what expressions? what is the vibe you want conveyed? is there something you want to focus on in particular (e.g. a character's ring, a scar, a limb, etc.)

Are you okay with your commission being public? - you will get a higher-res, un-watermarked version of your commission and the project files (Krita, FireAlpaca, or GIMP... I tend to jump around). I do intend to put lower-res, watermarked versions of my commissions up on my blog / portfolio, so please let me know if you would like it to be a private commission.

You'll receive a reply within 3-4 days, at which point we can talk a little bit more about your commission if needed!

Full payment will be required upfront through a P@yp@l or c@sh@pp. The invoice will be sent to the email you used unless specified otherwise.

Thank you so much for the look, and hope to talk to you soon! <3

[indigo-villin]

I saw the fnaf movie.

I absolutely LOVED ITTT

There will be NO HATE for it on my account.

I loved the pillow fort part, they're KIDS in the suits makes sense, and if you say it isn't realistic with them being murderers, just assume it was to lure Abby to them for later. Literally EVERYTHING they did was understandable and funny/scary when it needed to be.

Foxy's dumdum doom song was suuper spooky to hear and seeing him attacking was also terrifying. Seeing Bonnie in the closet with that one guy was GREAT and absolutely terrifying. (Carl) Cupcake was terrifying and entertaining as a tiny chihuahua villain (you cannot convince me he isn't Susie's dog). The bite scene with Freddy shook me and was cool (even if it was only in silhouette, but meh pg 13 rating and all). It was cool seeing golden freddy too, seeing the kid and everything. Seeing vids of people hugging chica and her reaction to getting her cupcake messed with me for the movie kinda, like she was so sweet, even in the movie, until she was bringing Abby into the scooper type thing, like she legit scared me by that point. XD

Mike was cool, his story was interesting enough, I felt bad for him. Abby was a interesting with her dynamic with Mike and how she generally was as a proper character, the actress was very good. Honestly all of the kid actors did well I'm happy and proud of them for taking their roles as seriously as they needed to. Mathew Lillard did amazing as "Steve" my sis didn't go into the movie knowing anything about it past it being a fnaf movie and the twist with him got her. XD I knew the twist, but whatever, it was still a fun time seeing him. Vanessa was...well honestly I'm mixed on her.

Vanessa looked like she just had trauma with the place, I thought she was gonna be a sister to one of the kids, hence her hanging around and watching out for the guards. It was definitely a twist having her be Will's daughter, but given the theories people made about game Vanessa I kinda see where it would come in to play... The ONLY criticism with the movie I have is that her actions made no sense, even with knowing she's the daughter. One minute she's telling Mike as much as she can to attempt to get him to research for himself, then she's getting all huffy about him doing anything. I'm not gonna be having any other posts about how much she seemed to think ass backwards so here are ALL of my complaints on Vanessa:

Her choice to get mad at him for "not locking the place up" makes less and less sense when you consider WHAT door the thugs came through. Mike only had access to the MAIN door, the thugs came in through a garage door or something with a CROWBAR/other weapon, which she would've seen, not like the animatronics could've dealt with their vehicle. Her choice to demand an explanation for why Mike had sleeping pills at his work? Not a good look, she's not his employer so he has no legal reason to tell her shit. "Oh I have to write you up on letting some people come in and wreck the place" the place has SECURITY CAMS, and he was OFF DUTY last I checked if the security isn't there it isn't THEIR fault. IF ANYTHING it would be hers, she's the cop that patrols the place daily. Also THROWING MIKE'S PILLS INTO THE LAKE??? I'm sorry but as a chronically ill person myself, NO, anyone even touches my pills without asking I'm gonna rip em a new one. I don't know what med he had or the price for those kinda meds, but the guy is OBVIOUSLY BROKE, and just cause he said he used them for his dream theory stuff doesn't mean he didn't still need them for normal sleep at home. No instead she threw them in the lake and he had to spend anywhere from $120 USD to like $800 USD (I'm guessing but I'm still probably off since we don't know if he had insurance or not) later on in the movie. Also her getting upset with him having Abby, I get it she got hurt, but until that point (and hey if she had SAID don't touch the guitar NOTHING WOULD'VE HAPPENED) the animatronics were fine with her, they were having fun and enjoying themselves. Also telling Mike "I'll shoot you if you bring here again" did she really think he brought there for no reason? She's a kid, the animatronics are OBVIOUSLY dangerous, and even before that he knew the place had been WRECKED meaning he had to make the conscious choice to bring her into an old ass building that was destroyed to some degree, and she thought he took that choice LIGHTLY????? LIKE NO his usual babysitter got killed THANKS (not that he knew that). He was out his ONLY babysitter who the kid didn't despise with her whole being.

Alright Vanessa rant over, still a good movie I absolutely loved it, just slight irritations with Vanessa. ALSO bb scares were funny and I got spooked with the first one, had an internal spook reaction to the second, and the third I knew was going to happen kinda (knew a scare was coming, didn't expect it to be bb). My partner pretty much jumped at all three bb scares. XD

And finally, the spring lock scene, I wasn't sure it would actually be in the movie. I thought it being pg 13 (yes technically pg 15 in non-american theaters) we'd get a silhouette like the bite scene, but I was pleasantly surprised with it being a longer drawn out death. I say drawn out, but I just mean it was allowed to happen as slowly as it needed to be, it didn't take roughly two seconds for him to die. It took as long as it should've given what he did and how the characters felt about it. The kids got their revenge and it was long and painful for Willy, just as it should've been.

Also at the very end of the credits we get the voice that says letters and it spelled "COME FIND ME" which was cool to hear. Apparently there was a shadow freddy easter egg thing, so it was probably him saying it, but I don't know for sure.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, Apologies for lengthy post. I have question for family dynamic. I am from south asian region where family is closely tied to individual compared to western culture.

I have ENTJ dad and INFP mom, I have guessed their types. My dad had very good career which he earned by himself through struggle. He is brilliant but has very huge ego in general. My mom is mostly in her own world, she barely does her duties towards family or home. There is no specific illness that she has but in general she is always like this. People used to call her lazy.

Due to my mom's ignorance towards us, me and my brother weren't raised with attention. I got very low self esteem as I grew up because I never used to have proper things or tiffin, dresses etc as she never paid attention. No one taught us social manners or they did not encourage us to have any new experience. They were not having any specific constraints like money but it was matter of awareness and willingness.

I was good in studies so somehow I completed my college and got into good career. Despite of my skill, as my personality was not developed properly, I had to pay huge price for my low self esteem, social skills etc.. finally I learnt MBTI, learnt some psychology and improved myself, it's still in progress.

My brother could not pick up on things, he is close to 30 years now but does not have any meaning to earn for living. He is directionless in life. I tried hard to get him line for last 6 7 years but even my parents did not support my efforts. Now they blame him for not being independent. He had to depend on them for his day to day spending.

Issue is, despite of all this, my parents do not see any issue in their behaviour. They have not supported me, helped me for anything. They are somehow indifferent to my problems, achievements etc. I have my own family now, husband and kid and I am content with it. But due to my parents behaviour, it is being difficult for me to maintain relations with them without any stress. I am not practically dependent on them for anything but I worry for brother a lot. And as I am having less relations with them, I feel very rootless like I dont have any place to fall back. Is this situation really weird or I am overreacting to it.

-----------------

You seem to be describing childhood neglect. It's not loud and attention grabbing like physical violence, so many people don't know that neglect is also a very common form of child abuse. As long as the parents are not fulfilling their duties and obligations of caring properly for their child's basic physical and psychological needs, it is considered child abuse. Child abuse can occur in any family of any social status. It is sadly not uncommon for children of wealthy parents to be neglected because the parents only recognize physical/material needs as important and overlook the rest.

It's good news that you've been able to live a well-functioning life despite parental neglect. However, it's important to remember that the long term negative effects of neglect are often internal and difficult to identify. I think your brother is a typical example of how neglect can impede personal growth. He seems to suffer learned helplessness and probably requires professional help to overcome it.

Chronic neglect has a negative effect on children's development and makes them much more susceptible to mental health problems later in life:

They are more likely to suffer low self-esteem and low self-worth and have difficulties with self-care due to believing themselves undeserving of love and care.

They are more likely to suffer emotional dysregulation (depression and anxiety), personality disorders, or learned helplessness because of not having been taught healthy coping methods and problem solving skills.

They are more likely to engage in self-destructive behavior as a means of punishing themselves, getting attention, or numbing the shame/pain of feeling unloved.

They are more likely to be socially isolated or suffer relationship problems because they don't understand what it means to give, receive, and express love in healthy ways.

Being neglected as a child, it's normal to feel an underlying sense of insecurity or "rootlessness", because you never really had a strong sense of security to begin with. Parents are supposed to be a source of comfort and safety. When they aren't, who else can you turn to? There are a lot of bad parents in the world, so there are a lot of people out there feeling detached, lonely, and unloved.

This is why the concept of "found family" or "chosen family" has become more important in modern society, since people have more freedom to roam and live away from immediate family. Some neglected children have closer ties with more distant relations like aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Some people are raised more by teachers, mentors, friends, or a community of elders. Upon leaving home to build a life of their own, some young adults find spaces to congregate and support each other much as siblings do. Many LGBTQ+ people are rejected by their family members, so they have no choice but to look in other places for familial love.

It is possible to form relationships that are just as or even more deep, meaningful, and supportive than the parent-child relationship. However, in order to benefit from these alternative social structures, you have to let go of some old ideas about what a "traditional" family should look like.

As a general rule, as long as you hold on very tightly to beliefs about what reality "should" be instead of accepting and working with the reality of what is, you will always feel dissatisfied or unhappy. This includes expectations about what your parents "should" be. Your negative feelings about them are valid and it's a normal response to feel as though you've been robbed of a happy childhood. At this point in your life, you have to ask yourself: "Do I want this regret/resentment to hold me back from living my life well? Do I want to keep hoping for my parents to change and then feel disappointed when they don't? Do I want to keep asking for their love and then feel hurt when they just can't give it?" If not, it's better to gracefully accept the truth about them and make the choice to put your time and energy into relationships that have more potential for growth.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

your answer made me tear up too, i don't think anyone has cared enough to ask how i've been in so long. i feel like the bad days are permanent, they seem to appear so often i just can't bear it anymore. i try to hold out hope but maybe i'm just kidding myself. i've been so sad for so long, i don't even remember how to be happy. and that makes me so sad. that the thought of passing away seems so much more of a relief than to continue living. i know for a fact i failed my exams which means i'll either have to drop out or redo my exams. which also means i won't get to do placement. and if my family knows of this, i don't think i can go through that again. i can't. the pain was way too much last time, i suppressed those memories. i'm not stong enough to go through that again. i know death is the easy way out. and i'm a coward for wanting to take it but i'm so desperate. i don't want to feel the pain anymore. the numbness, the anger, the guilt, the sadness, i can't.

i'm sorry, you feel so much more comforting than my own big sisters. i don't think they even deserve that title truthfully. but thank you for letting me rant, you don't even have to post this. i don't mind. i truly hope your day today was much lighter than mine. i hope you experienced some form of happiness today. i hope you're well. love you more than words could ever say, thank you for letting me spill my words on here. please don't feel pressured to post this. i'm sorry for how weird this ask is. i'm sorry for unloading it all on to you 💕

Don't worry, you can always rant to me. Sometimes we just need to let it out, to get it off our chests because too often we don't have anyone trustworthy to talk to openly and many wouldn't understand it either. I wish I could help you through this, I'm having similar struggles too. I actually blew up my professional life a week ago because I panicked. They wanted to give me the residency I asked for after fighting with them for months and when they gave it to me I ended up not accepting (for reasons listed bellow but also because they bind you contractually for life). I just spent the last year not even living but surviving, working nights so often I didn't feel human at all and I barely saw my family (my younger niece barely knows who i am), I don't even have friends anymore because everyone kind of just gave up on me. They didn't understand how tired I was from work, I just didn't want to do anything after work. I went from a packed covid unit to urgent care back to infectious diseases and it's been so exhausting both mentally and physically and my chronic illnesses have all gone havoc in this time and I've come to realize that even though the pay is better when you work nights and on calls, my health and general well being have no price. So when my contract is up this March I'm going to be unemployed for a bit until I find a job as a GP and that's scary as hell and no one quite understands why I left a higher paying job in a hospital 20 mins away from me by foot that I lowkey dreamed about and wished for my entire life. Guess they were right when they said be careful what you wish for...I got my wish and it cost me everything else and I was miserable. If I had the option I'd leave healthcare altogether, but my background is basically a nursing degree and then a doctor's degree so I'm stuck with it...unless I marry a richy rich dude 🤣 (can I get Charles Leclerc pls) but yeah, I understand what you're going through. Life is so fucking hard all the time and most people just have to stay up float and that's it, but people like you and me are constantly swimming against the current with chains pulling us under. (There's a song by The Pretty reckless called Under the water, I recommend you listen to it, kind of like a soundtrack to this whole thing). I refuse to believe it won't get easier one day (despite my year starting with a firework going off in my face followed by a terrible case of chicken pox that made me miss a weekend trip to Austria, making my skin awful, and now a flare up in my condition), IT HAS TO GET EASIER. Until then, please reach out to me whenever you need it. It's not a burden. Hell it's like group therapy, we can commiserate together over shitshows of the day. Can even be fun? Either way, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere yet. I'll keep fighting and I really hope you will too so that one of these days we can talk about the good things we get to see and live. I'm hoping everything happens for a reason and one day that reason will be clear. 💕

[cateyedfox36]

Mom: did you send in you taxes?

Me: yes. I even got my return already

Mom: even last years you didnt send in bc Starbucks fucked you?

Me: yep.

Mom: did you pick up your car?

Me: yes. I even refilled the borrow car even though I hated it.

Mom: good. Someday you'll be an adult.

Me, absolutely not saying: I am an adult. I am just an adult who struggles with tasks thanks to my neurodivergence and chronic illness.

You see, mother, I can't say these things to you bc I still need help a lot of the time, and if the price of your assistance is being infantalized I guess I'll just pay it. After all I couldn't pay to drive to mayo last week if you hadn't come with. I couldn't pay the taxes on the car dad bought for me on my own either.

So sure. My inability to work full time, assuring my continued reliance on you doesn't already make me feel like a fuckinh toddler enough. Go ahead and remind me.

[naamahdarling]

OKAY BUT NOW IM REALLY CURIOUS: if you don’t mind sharing, *how* can you trace your IBS back to capitalism??? (sincerely, another chronically ill person now suspecting they’re in the same boat) (if you *do* mind: I sincerely apologize! Please feel free to delete this ask?)

This is all TMI for poop.

I have the kind of rosacea that causes such bad acne it forms multi-pimple colonies literally called "monstrosities." It is very painful during a flare. It feels like burning and often makes me bleed. I want to stress, this is not "cosmetic". I have infected cysts and sores on may face constantly. At one point I had 40 or so active lesions on my face, varying from pimple-type whiteheads to weeping sores to subdermal cysts. I was covered in scabs. I developed dermatillomania, which I still have.

At one point I had a cunning weasel of a doctor who managed to treat the rosacea by a combination of topical metronidazole and Xifaxan/rifaximin. Rifaximin is usually used for travelers's diarrhea but there is excellent evidence that it works on rosacea, in studies sending it into remission for at least 9 months. It worked on mine for 2 years.

Somehow he got this massive dose long course of antibiotics prescribed off-label. Then he disappeared because he was forced out of practice for overprescribibng pain meds medicating pain patients adequately.

It flared up again.

I had private insurance. Insurance considers skin a luxury organ and acne as purely cosmetic, and will not cover most treatments for it. It doesn't keep you from working, after all (capitalism!). They do not care.

So instead of literally any other treatment for it, they decided that a 3 month course of 200mg doxycycline 3 times a day would be just fine. Doxy is dirt fucking cheap, is why. I didn't really want to do this, I was concerned it would make me ill, but I was in so much pain. I had to do something. And I HAD to try this before anything else. Insurance algorithms were forcing me to take the cheapest medication despite my concerns over risk.

What risk? It wiped out my gut flora until I was pooping green due to bile salts not being broken down. I never had diarrhea during those 3 months, which was all my doctor had warned me about, but in that last two weeks I was pooping recognizable food, undigested. I feel very stupid for not realizing something was very wrong sooner than I did. I guess I thought my gut would bounce back?

Turns out I developed IBS that I still have 10+ years later despite being competent at managing it and having tried everything available to cure it that isn't quackery. (No advice please.)

Capitalism is behind the reprehensible drug prices and insurance policies, and also my fucking poverty due to atrociously low SSDI payments, which all meant I could not pay the FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for the one drug that I KNEW gives me relief.

So now I have IBS and STILL HAVE rosacea. The irony? Rifaximin reliably works on BOTH.* And I can't get it. (No, really, it is impossible, Medicaid will not pay for it. It's still super expensive at the doses required.)

And the 2 cream stuff things that help it were not generic for a long time. One cost $500 and one cost $350. And it really only helps, and doesn't fix it.

One went generic and is now "only" $89. I have it now! I got some because y'all helped me out!!! And I still bled on my pillow last night and my GF has to be careful how she kisses my face or it hurts me. It reduces it by maybe 50% at best. Don't get me wrong, that is SO WELCOME, but it isn't a cure.

So yeah. Capitalism forced me into a situation that gave me a functional bowel disorder that severely limits the food I can eat, and the meds I WAS FORCED TO TAKE didn't even fix my disfiguring skin condition.

And that is how capitalism literally gives me the shits.

* Both are correlated with SIBO, which rifaximin is also used to treat.

[soren-bleu-kun]

Fic Wrap Up.

*feel free to ignore this if I tagged you 

This is going to be my own fic wrap up, my first one ever because this was the birth of my Ao3 account, so all of my fics are from this year. I’ll try to keep things concise, but it’ll still be pretty long. I will do this in the form of a Read More after the first few fics. There are over 90, I’ll try to go alphabetically. 

All of them are from the same fandom, BnHA, so that’s nice. More gen fics, less romance. Most of them are for series, events, other people’s aus - and I’ll make sure to share all of that when I share each fic, especially because some of the events are probably repeats and this is a little bit like free marketing [only tagging them once because that would get obnoxious, especially for the weekly event things I did]. Other than that, I hope you all enjoy and may 2021 suck slightly less. 

Heads up for angst, whump, some ships, and manga spoilers 

A Breathing Silence - Gen, 3K. Shirakumo survives his internship, but at the price of his hearing. His friends do their best to help him through it [for @badthingshappenbingo] 

A Common Room Conversation - Gen, 2K. Midoriya realizes that he has some questions for his mentor during winter break. [for @tunafishprincess’ Dads For Deku Week that I still need to finish, whoops] 

A Confession and A Dance - TodoDeku, 4K. Midoriya and Todoroki just going to the school dance as friends doesn’t last very long 

After Hours - ShinDeku, 1K. Model Shinsou goes on his first date with a photographer he works with sometimes, and worries that he’s going to be horrifically awkward about it [for OTPtober run by DigitalPopsicle, AU by. @amandasmurfee] 

Amend - EraserMight, 1.5K. Yagi and Aizawa have been arguing for the last few days. Aizawa finds himself forgiving his partner in order to help him. [for @erasermight-week] 

Bedside Manner - EraserMight, 2K. Yagi ends up in the hospital and hopes for better days [for @/erasermight-week] 

Bravery Test - DustBunny, 2K. Though the two aren’t together in this one, this fic features hero student Tenko Shimura having a crush on his much cooler classmate, Rumi Usagiyama. [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

Broken Glass - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 1K. A young Keigo Takami finds himself wandering the streets of Musutafu in this fic where he seems to have glitched through time [for @/hawksweek2020] 

Can’t Say No - CloudMic, 2K. Despite the fact that Yamada hates the beach, he can’t help but agree to go when his crush asks him [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Caramel Coffee & Phone Numbers - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. This fic features an AU where instead of going to UA at all, Shinsou ends up as a barista [for @shindekumonth] 

Codependence - EraserMic, 1K. Yamada realizes that he feels unfulfilled in his relationship but doesn’t know how to leave. [for @whumptober2020] 

Concerns and Collapse - Gen, 1K. Yagi is ignoring his health because of his hubris and it doesn’t end well [for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Chronic - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1.5K. Midoriya is ignoring his pain because he has homework to do. Shinsou is having none of it [for @/whumptober2020] 

Date Night - ShinDeku, 1K. As pro heroes, they don’t get a lot of time to spend together. Might as well do what they can [for @/shindekumonth] 

Disguises - Gen, 1K. In an AU where Tokoyami does end up being taken alongside Bakugou, Todoroki feels responsible for getting him back 

Foggy Recollection - Gen, 2K. In a world where Shirakumo lives but Aizawa ends up dying at USJ, he and Yamada are just trying to pick up the pieces [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Forgotten Birthday - Gen, 1K. When Sero breaks his record of perfect attendance with no explanation, Aizawa goes to figure out if something is wrong [for @dadzawa-week-2020] 

For the Morning - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. Shinsou knows that he shouldn’t have snuck into his boyfriend’s dorm room for morning cuddles, but he couldn’t help himself [for OTPtober on Twitter] 

Good Morning, Koda - Gen, 1K. Aizawa recognizes the anxiety in one of his students, and goes about trying to help quietly [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Go Fish - Gen, 1K. Aoyama doesn’t spend a lot of time with people, but for Midoriya he’ll make an exception [for @dekusquadweek] 

Gravel and Back Alleys - Gen, 2K. Shigaraki doesn’t understand why a hero keeps letting him go. Guess he’ll just have to find out for himself [personally not too proud of this one, heh] [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

Harmonizing Colors - [FAN FAVORITE] EraserMight, 1K. When Yagi finds his emotions not acting the way he wants them to, he knows that he has to find another outlet - and to keep it a secret [for @/erasermight-week] 

Indecision - TodoChako, 2K. Todoroki knows that he shouldn’t be fornicating with the enemy in this future au, but he can’t help himself. He misses her [for TodoChako Week on Twitter] 

In the Grey - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 1K. Midoriya finds himself going home to an empty house, feeling rather cold [for @/dekusquadweek] 

In the Rain - CloudMic, 2K. After the national hero rankings let out, Shirakumo and Yamada find their way home has been kind of ruined and have to walk together to the train station [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

In the Teacher’s Lounge - EraserMight, 1K. Aizawa and Yagi spend some time together after classes [for OTPtober and based off of this art by @theoutspokenrodent] 

Last Word - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. Midoriya has hanahaki and never had the chance to tell Shinsou [for @/shindekumonth] 

Late Night Chamomile - Gen, 1K. Yaoyorozu is having a hard night and her teacher doesn’t want to leave her alone with the nightmares [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Lessons in English and Subtlety - CloudMic, 2K. Shirakumo is having a hard time focusing on his work with Yamada right there [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Light the Candles, Not the Cake - EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa forgot that it was Shirakumo’s birthday in this AU where he lives, and he’s hurrying to make up for it [for OTPtober] 

Little Blue Teacups - Gen, 1K. Todoroki needs some help getting rid of something and he asks Uraraka for help [for @/dekusquadweek] 

Locked Up - Gen, 1K. Shinsou likes hiding himself away, which is great until he finds a place he can’t get out of [for @/shindekumonth] 

Looking Out - Gen, 6K. Aizawa starts looking out for Yagi when he finds out that the man is being stalked and it brings out some of his darker side [written because an event rejected me! Thanks guys, this has the most comments out of every fic I’ve ever written! Also for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Lying Together - EraserMight, 1.5K. Yagi and Aizawa learning how to operate together in all things, but especially sleep [for @/erasermight-week] 

Middle of the Night - Gen, 1K. Just something about Iida checking in on Midoriya [for @/dekusquadweek] 

Missing Gears - EraserMight, 10K. In an AU where Yagi never gets OFA, he becomes a support course student, who later in life works with Aizawa - an old high school friend [for @erasermight-bigbang] 

Nana’s Cape - Gen, 2K. In a role swap au, Tenko Shimura is trying to find his grandmother’s cape, taken by villains just to mess with him [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

New Directions - Gen, 1K. Giran finds a young Touya Todoroki on the street and decides to help the kid out 

Not the First to Say - Gen, 1K. Todoroki finds Yaoyorozu the night before her birthday, feeling down. They have a talk. [for @todomomoweek2020] 

Ocean Air - Gen, 3K. Todoroki has never stepped foot into the ocean to and he’s got some thoughts abut it [for TodoChako Week on Twitter] 

Old Memories, New Rivals - Gen, 1.5K. In which Shinsou remembers a young Midoriya [for @/shindekumonth]

One Night Off - ShinDeku, 1K. For once these two pro heroes have time for each other without forcing it to happen [for OTPtober] 

On Repeat - Gen, 1K. Shirakumo has been reliving the same day over for forever, and is finally just waking up [for @/whumptober2020] 

On the Battlefield - Gen, 1K. Dabi stops someone from bleeding out, just in case he needs them later 

Over the Phone - EraserMight, 1.5K. Aizawa has a hard time falling asleep without Yagi there with him [for @/erasermight-week] 

Painful Decisions - TodoMomo, 1K. On their anniversary, Yaoyorozu realizes she doesn’t actually love him [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Prom Night - CloudMic, 2K. Shirakumo and Yamada skip out on their special night at school to have a special night for the two of them [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Promise - EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa gets hurt and doesn’t tell Shirakumo 

Proposal - EraserCloud, 1.5K. Wedding night for Aizawa and Shirakumo, just some softness 

Rough Patrol - EraserCloud, 1.5K. Aizawa gets hurt during patrol and doesn’t warn Shirakumo until later 

Rubble - Gen, 1K. Yagi watches his successor bury himself in rubble, and despite the fact that the boy is a pro hero now, he can’t help but go off and try to find him [for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Ruining Movie Night - EraserMic, 1K. Sometimes Aizawa just needs to let his emotions out, and sometimes he doesn’t know when that’s going to happen [for @/whumptober2020] 

Running on Empty - Gen, 2K. Uraraka forgot to get food before Todoroki showed up for a study session and she’s hungry 

Sapporo Snow Festival - Gen, 1K. Todoroki runs into Yaoyorozu when he wasn’t expecting it but it ends surprisingly well [for @t/odomomoweek2020] 

Scientifically Proven to be Pointless - Gen, 1K. AFO as a young lad, trying to help his younger brother with his illness [for AFOtober, run by AFOzine on Twitter] 

Scrambled Eggs - CloudMic, 2K. When Aizawa dies, Shirakumo and Yamada go through with making an agency [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Sitting in the Rain - Gen, 1K. Sometimes Tsu likes to sit in the rain. Today she doesn’t have to sit alone [from @aconstantstateofbladerunner’s list of prompts found here] 

Small Grievances - Gen, 1K. When Aizawa dies, the rest of the rooftop gang mourns [for @/whumptober2020] 

Snow and the Kitchen Drawer - Gen, 1K. Sometimes Yamada hates himself for choices he didn’t make [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Something Like Eisoptrophobia - Gen, 1K. There’s this little fear that the Voice Hero has never gotten over before [for @/whumptober2020] 

Studying Together - TodoMomo, 1K. In this College AU, Todoroki hates biology. At least right now he isn’t going through it alone [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Stumbling - Gen, 1K. Midoriya runs into Shinsou at a hero con [for @shindekumonth] 

Sunday Morning - [FIST FIC] EraserMic, 1K. Just something soft for two pro heroes on a rainy day 

Surprise Call - A young Shigaraki is glad to hear from AFO, as rare as it might be [for AFOtober] 

Tensei’s Meal - Gen, 1K. In the aftermath of his older brother getting hospitalized by the hero killer, Iida has to be reminded to eat [for @dadzawa-week-2020] 

The Aftermath - EraserMight, 1K. After Nighteye dies, Yagi has some feelings he has to process [for @/erasermight-week] 

The Business Card - ShinMono, 1K. In this College AU, Shinsou is just trying to ignore the noises of other people in the dorms and runs into someone quite eccentric [for @shinmonoweek] 

The Car Ride - Gen, 1K. Shinsou getting out of therapy and being absolutely exhausted [for @/dekusquadweek] 

The Last Halloween - Gen, 3K. A surprisingly soft DFO story from when Midoriya was little [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dad For One Halloween event] 

The Little Matryoshka Doll - Gen, 1K. From a time when they were younger, a small Yaoyorozu looks for her little friend at an adult party, not knowing that something’s happened to him [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

The Nightly Watch - Gen, 1K. Eri has had some nightmares so Aizawa is staying with her for a bit [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

The Pause Button - EraserMic, 1K. Yamada gets injured while working and can’t talk for a few days 

The Waiting Room - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 2K. When Yagi ends up in the hospital and Midoriya goes to see him, he runs into Tsukauchi in the hospital [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dads for Deku event] 

They Were Roommates - ShinCahko, 9K, ongoing. Shinsou and Uraraka ended up becoming roommates because of the cheap rent and it has some unforeseen consequences [for @shinchakoweek] 

Things Will Get Better - ShinDeku, 1K. Midoriya loses something vital to him and Shinsou is there to help him [for @/shindekumonth] 

Three Little Rings - EraserCloudMic, 5.5K. Shirakumo wants to propose to his partners but he doesn’t know how it would work for them [for CloudEraserMic Week on Twitter] 

Through the Haze - EraserMight/EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa starts seeing things when he gets too sick and Yagi doesn’t have the heart to correct him [for @/whumptober2020] 

Under the Maples - Gen, 1K. Shinsou was just planning on going for a bike ride, not running into weird hero course kids [for @/shinmonoweek] 

Under the Same Roof - Gen, 1K. Once upon a time, the original OFA user and his brother lived in the same house and things were very tense [for AFOtober on Twitter] 

Waiting to Say Hello - Gen, 1K. In an alternative universe where Hawks has anxiety, his meeting with the number one hero goes a little differently [for @/hawksweek2020] 

Winning the Bet - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 2K. When Yamada is forced to make a bet about who he thinks will break first during finals week, he doesn’t admit that he’s actually won [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dads for Deku Week event] 

Visiting Hours - Gen, 1K. Villain Todoroki finds himself going to see an old friend of his during a snowstorm [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Walking Back - EraserMight, 1.5K. When Yagi thinks that Aizawa looks too tired to get back to the dorms on his own, he does his best to help him. It ends with a bit of a shock [for OTPtober] 

Warranted Interruptions - Gen, 1K. Monoma and Aizawa don’t interact often, which is fine with the both of them - but that doesn’t mean that Aizawa can ignore when someone is hurting [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Winter Home - TodoMomo, 1K. Todoroki ends up going with Yaoyorozu on a family vacation and feels welcomed [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

I hope you guys like them, and thanks for taking the time to read all the way down here, if you did. This took most of the night, ha. If you read any of them, I’d love like... a kudos. Statistics bring me down, you, so keeping the 1 : 10 ratio for more of these fics would be awesome 

New Year’s Resolution  : Write more Quality, not Quantity. More DadMight, maybe post some of my other longer stories. Don’t make every request something to post. 

[yandere-wishes]

💔Rotten Love💔 //Twisted Wonderland Yandere Idia Shroud X Yandere Eliza X Reader// Part 1

GIF made by the amazing @flowerofthemoonworld. Okay, so this story is really going to have a Persephone x Reader x Hades vibe to it. If we can get this to 160 likes before July 12 than I’ll release part 2. For now, my goal is to make it a 4 part story with a bonus 5th fluff chapter. Also for this story reader will be GENDER NEUTRAL.

WARNING: Gore, Angst

💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙

There was always a cold, nostalgic air in the Ignihyde dormitory, a sort of homey sensation that made Eliza's heart skip a beat. Sure the dorm was quiet and secluded, unlike the ghost kingdom, there was barely anyone to talk to. Most may have even described it as "lonesome" and "boring". But to princess Eliza who had waited more than five hundred years to be with her prince charming, it was unadulterated, homespun bliss. Of course, there was still something missing, a tiny puzzle piece that refused to fit in with the rest of its kind, a stubborn little piece it was, yet all too important to paint the picture of her perfect life. That mulish fragment came in the form of her newly wedded husband, Idia Shroud.

"Idia~"

The "young" princess sang as she skipped over to where her "husband" was sitting, his posture crooked, like that of a scrunched up cat's. His long slender fingers where typing rapidly on that bizarre rectangular device that he all too attached to. Way too attached to, for Eliza's liking.

Eliza nuzzled her visage into the crook of the bleached-skinned boy's neck, taking in his smokey, ash-like sent. Her icy colored arms wafted over his shoulders, enclosing them his a tight embrace. Her fingers dangled over where his heart was, feeling tiny fast-paced pulses that sent a pleased blush to her face. "Idia let's go for a walk near that river. Please, my love! You haven't left this room since the reception!"

The taller male barely turned to look at her, preferring to instead to keep his eyes locked on his glowing blue screen. "Still busy Eliza" his cold dead voice was always so sharp and monotone whenever he spoke to her. It felt like someone was reaching into her rib cage and squeezing her decaying heart. Her voice cracked into a thousand tiny shards, as she tried to form a comprehensible answer. He might as well have told her to die again and rot in the deepest parts of hell. He doesn't love me....he'll never love me. The relation was like a heavy chronic toxic gas levitating overhead. Easy to overlook but still there, always there. Idia didn't move, if Eliza's arms weren't wrapped around his shoulders feeling every breath he took, she might have mistaken him for a statue. No, not a statue, she thought, some sort of sculpture of an ancient Greek God. A divine being set in stone resting in an altar, waiting for reparations and benedictions. 'I'd gladly pray at your feet every day. I'd sacrifice everything I had just for you to smile that charming smile at me'. The ghost thought to herself.

For an endless minute, the darkroom fell into a thick, suffocating silence. Neither Eliza nor Idia moved both too scared of breaking some invisible glass wall they had put up around them. However, no amount of serenity could dispose of the awkwardness, and annoyance Idia was beginning to feel. "You know" the lord of the dead began "maybe you should talk to the principle about join the school full time. It would give you more to do than breathing over my shoulder" despite Idia's tone harboring no malice, Eliza still flinched in shock. Her body going rigid, stiffening as if she was going into Rigor Mortis again.

HE DOESN'T WANT YOU HERE!

The voice in her head screamed,

HE HATES YOU!

Louder...

WHY CANT YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE

"Please stop" she whispered

YOU DON’T DESERVE YOUR PRINCE!

"If that's what you want" she finally replied in a broken voice.

"I'm... I'm only saying it for your sake," he muttered in a coaxing tone.

Deep down a delusional part of her wanted to scream that he was only saying all those harsh things for her own well-being. But she was still lucid enough to not believe those fallacies, imaginary words...Eliza perceived that her beloved prince Idia saw her as nothing more than a nuisance.  One that he was far too eager to get rid of. 

She couldn't bear the conversation any farther. Painfully slowly she peeled her arms off from around her so-called lover. In that taunting minute, Eliza swore she could feel billions upon billions of sharp needles piercing every piece of her dead body. She lingered in place staring at Idia's glowing, blazing hair. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to spend every second of her dead life with him! Touching him, kissing him, loving him! But he wouldn't love her! Why didn't he love her!! Without a customary goodbye or any form of acknowledgment, Eliza flew to the door. Swinging it open just a crack, wishing to slam it so hard that the whole underworld dorm would feel it. But alas she was still royalty and there was a politeness beaten into her every action. In the end after much debating, she closed the damn door quieter than a mouse. With a broken heart and eyes full of tears, princess Eliza began to hover up onto the surface of the school grounds.

WHY DOESN'T THAT SELFISH BASTARD LOVE ME!

A simple blaring thought that reverberated through Eliza's nonexistent skull as she marched through the glowing green halls of Night Raven College. Unlike Ignihyde, the rest of the school still felt rather alien and terrifying to the girl. She'd only been in the cafeteria for a short amount of time. Only to finish up her official marriage to Idia. After the marriage -and much persuasion from his friend with grey hair and glasses-  Idia had carried Eliza in the traditional manner a groom must carry a bride, to the hall of mirrors and straight to Ignyhde. Neither of them had left Idia's room since then.

It was a rather short memory but one that always placed a smile on Eliza's face. Rather than remembering the halls, Eliza had been all too bewitched by Idia's shy golden gaze, his bloody red face, and his kissable thin blue lips. Such a darling memory that she would always cherish within her rotten heart.

But as the minutes ticked away and Eliza passed hallway after hallway all identical to one another, she soon began to wish that she'd paid more attention to the whereabouts of the school's rooms and offices. The headmaster's office seemed to be missing from this endless maze. Behind every corner was the same tiled floor, candles lit by a mystical green light and windows so large they put the countless classroom doors to shame. Every few minutes a crowd of students would pass by, disappearing behind another wall withing second. No one noticed her, which was rather odd considering she was the only female in an all-boys school, her purple dress and feminine curves were proof enough of that. "I guess this is the result of being a ghost, wandering the land of the living" She whispered hopelessly to herself. "You're invisible when you're me..."

The eighth turn that Eliza took brought her to a small cluster of peculiar students. Some donning ears and tails like those of wild beasts, while the other had odd features resembling Ortho's limps. Metallic and reflective. They were laughing at something, attentions enclosed within their small groups. A measly thought flew into Eliza's head, why not speak up? Raise your voice and ask where she could locate the headmaster of this complex establishment.

"Excuse me."

“....”

Silence

None of the boys turned to her, they just continued with there chatter. Eliza opened her mouth to speak once more when she -rather unwillingly- picked up stray words from their conversation.

"It's not fair!" A tall lanky one with striped ears and tail whined

"Yeah! How come that useless shut-in gets to get married to a cute girl !" the second one was even taller, with thick furry grey ears that reminded Eliza of a wolf.

"Look man I don't know what Idia has that makes him so damn lucky! He's a useless wimp..." A Bold statement made by the one with metallic features.

Eliza was sure they continued bashing Idia but the phantom pain of blood coursing through her ears droned them out. How dare such hooligans speak ill of her beloved husband! Her fingers flexed in a robotic-like movement, stretching open than closing once more. Around her tiny flame-like spirits began to materialize, cute and cheery with big eyes and smiling mouths...until they noticed the distress of their mistress. the tiny things took a look around, grasping the situation from the loud words of the boys as well as Eliza's grim expression. Slowly the little flames began to merge with one another. Fusing into a large ax with a burning end. The weapon floated down to her hand, positioning itself smugly between her ghostly digits.

Eliza's eyes locked with the backs of the boys, she didn't know how this would work, could the ax could even harm the living? It may just phase through them as if nothing had happened....or it may price through there flesh and bones, tearing them in two. Hosting the ax up over her shoulder with both hands and taking a shaky step forward, Eliza lunged towards the first boy. In a swift flick of her wrist, the blade of the ax was pushing through the Ignihyde student's back. Splitting ceaselessly at the skin and urging past muscles until it reached the creamy colored bones. Eliza didn't stop there, her arms still pushing forward trying to get the heavy ax to break those pesky osseins. He had to pay for what he said! No one was permitted to speak ill of her one true love! A satisfying crack filled the air followed by a choir of screams. Only when the ax had finally resurfaced on the other side, covered in plasma and the remnants of organs, did Eliza turned her attention to the other two students. There eyes where enormous staring at her in disgust and fear...and something else. Something that -although it revolted her to her very core- she wished Idia would look at her with that same look in his eyes. A look of want, a look of need, pure lust, yet the welcoming sort ONLY if it was coming from the person you adored so much.

The blue-haired ghost didn't move, her semi existent body felt overworked. Everything hurt! Or at least she thought what she was feeling was the ghost equivalent to human pain. "Why.." her voice glitched at every syllable, like a broken cassette player. The two boys didn't answer instead taking shall strides backward. "WHY DID YOU SAY SUCH AWFUL THINGS ABOUT HIM!" in a split second, anger over ran Eliza's boy once more, dragging her and the ax forward until the blade came in contact with one of the animal eared men's neck. Slicing it so it flung backward, crashing onto the ground with loud "thud" then rolling around in its own gore. The last man stand, the one with monochrome ears pushed his palms forward, a pathetic attempt of shielding himself from her wrath. "W-we..we d-d-did...didn't-t mean...mean any..offense...honest!" His voice creaked as tears gushed from the corners of his eyes. "You're...you're just so...so...pretty...beautiful even...and...and...Shroud well...we...well, he's a loser who w-w-wouldn't kno--" his words were left half-finished, as Eiza's ax severed through him diagonally.  

Her heart was pounding much too fast, that it was beginning to make her feel sick. Her legs finally gave up, sending her crashing onto the blood coated floor.  Her bare knees dug into the red liquidy substance, finding an odd comfort in the warm human ichor. Eliza didn't know what to do, or even where to go. If she went back to Idia like this he would surely use it against her, Ortho was too young to be introduced to such a carnage...and she didn't know anyone else! "I'm all so very doomed" she sobbed as transparent tears trailed down her eyes.

"Hey" A distant voice spoke up. "What's wrong with her?" another voice, this one more high pitch and raspy. Eliza tore her face from her hands looking up at a group of three strangers and a cat...no, not strangers, she recognized the orange and blacked haired boy. They both had tried to crash her wedding. But the other person was new, they had a gentle look in their eyes, a welcoming stare that the princess longed for. "Hey ghost bride," The orange-haired boy spoke up, "need some help with your mess?" Eliza nodded meekly. Her body still limp and voice still too frail to speak. The last person, the one that had unexpectedly piqued Eliza's interest extended a hand towards her. And with only a scrap of hesitation, Eliza gripped it.

"Come on, we'll help you out!"

💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 👻💙 

Tags: @yandere-romanticaa​ @ghostiebabey​ @lovee-infected​ @mermaid-painter​ @firemelody4​ also tagging @twstpasta​ and @delusional-obsessions​ cause I know they're huge Eliza fans.

[earthlyemily]

I’m struggling so much financially and honestly just wanted to vent somewhere. I’ve always lived in poverty and I think in my whole life I’ve had maybe 2 years where I didn’t have to stress about money and not be able to buy groceries or pay rent or be put into collections for not being able to make payments etc and that was when I was in college. For at least the past 5 years I’ve been struggling but I never talk about it. I don’t even know where to start haha I don’t even know what it’s like to not stress financially and be in debt. I’ll just start with the first things that come to mind with what I’m owing maybe. So it’s Dec. 23 and rent was due yesterday because we moved into this small suite attached to someone’s house on Nov. 22. It’s $1200 which is so expensive, but also the average price for BC if not even cheaper for a one-bedroom with a yard, utilities included. and no first and last, no pet deposits, etc because this is just short them for 4 months until the end of March because i reached out and asked and they said yes.

After 1 month I already remember why we went into the trailer almost 2 years ago and it’s literally because we can’t afford any other lifestyle. I think that’s the difference between us and some people that live in trailers, vans, etc. like we lived in a mouse & mouse shit infested trailer for 6 months breathing in their feces and urine and having it all over all our belongings. i literally had to take my whole life to the dump and we officially have no food storage because they ruined it all. there were at least 50-60 mice because a few birth cycles happened in the ceiling. I could write a whole post about my experience of living with field mice, but now isn’t the time so for rent, i only had $600 yesterday so that’s what I gave them. thank goodness they were okay with me asking for a few more days to make the other half. but I don’t even know when that’s going to be :(

my etsy shop veganveins has been doing so bad lately for more than one reason, most of my orders are just postcards and stickers, and while I’m grateful for them, that $1-3 profit isn’t going to keep my business going. and it’s so hard for me to work lately. the wifi doesn’t work sometimes for hours and I always get distracted by shawn and the dogs working from home in a small space. I need to get better at my time management. I got up at 8:30 today which is actually early for me so I’m proud of myself. I’m chronically ill and I really need to go get a blood test and see what’s happening because I haven’t gotten one since being diagnosed with graves disease again 1.5 years ago. anyways. i switched to a print on demand method this year for veganveins for some shirts and sweaters because i couldn’t afford to keep ordering shirts in bulk, and it’s honestly been so, so expensive and i barely make any profit. I’m currently owing my t-shirt printer $999 on one invoice (it was originally $2196 so I’ve at least paid half of it) but that was 2 weeks ago and I still need to pay it. Mario, my t-shirt printer has been with me since I started veganveins and I’m so grateful he gives me extensions on paying the invoices. every other t-shirt printer I’ve ever asked has said no. in addition to the $999 there’s going to be another $2200 invoice I’ll be receiving this week for my last order. I think because of the holidays he’s going to give me some time to pay off that too, but the problem is when I have outstanding invoices he doesn’t print new orders for me. He’s closed now until Jan. 4 so I just need to somehow make that much before then.

btw I don’t have a credit card ($8500 all used on veganveins and it got put into collections last march) and I had a fully used $5000 line of credit but I got a debt consolidation loan for $16,000 1 month ago and my payment for that is $167 a month. it fully paid off and closed my credit card and line of credit + $3000 overdraft which is nice. but now I don’t have any extra money except for what comes in. my credit is only 640 which is really bad in canada so I won’t get approved for a new credit card or loan until I build that up, which is going to be a few months of regular payments. so for regular payments, the $167 for the loan is due on Dec. 27. Yesterday the trailer loan which is literally unliveable from what the mice did until we renovate it came out for $260, that’s how much I pay once a month for it on the 22nd. I didn’t have $260 in my account so it got rejected and I got charged a $48 NSF fee. omg if anyone is reading this long i’m shook. i’m genuinely just writing this for myself to process my feelings and in case anyone was curious about my financial situation here you go haha. maybe some of you can relate, maybe some can’t. anyways. so now I somehow have to get $260 in my account for that for when they try to take it out again in the next few days.

another payment that was supposed to come out yesterday but hasn’t, but I’m sure will come out today is our truck loan. they deferred it for 8 months because of covid which was so nice, but we started paying it again 2 months ago. for both those months I called and made my payment a later date and that helped, but there’s barely any service here so when I called 4 times yesterday to try and change the date the payment comes out, I was on hold for 20-30 mins then my phone would disconnect and hang up. so that’s $586 and it will come out today, I have $0.46 in my account right now so it will get rejected and I’ll get charged another $48 NSF fee. this is why being poor always costs more and the banks are always harsher on those who don’t have money. today I’ll try calling again to see if I can ask for it to come out on a different day like january 10 instead, so I can first have time to pay rent and the trailer and also our $190 truck insurance which got rejected from my account 3 days ago, which was another $48 NSF fee. oh and something else i’m so stressed about is CIBC is going to put me into collections on December 28 if I don’t pay $1000, $700 of which is purely their fees. I have a $300 overdraft which they said i have to cover by then and the $700 is literally their $48 fees added up over the past 3 months. I got a text from them today saying my account is over and it’s because an amnesty international $11 monthly donation came out and obvi there’s no money in there, so that’s another $48 they charged. they’ve already given me a month to pay it and don’t want to wait any longer :(

I owe everyone in my family money, my sister $1650, my mom $700 and my brother also lent me $700. none of my siblings have money either and my mom definitely doesn’t so I hate that i had to borrow that much, and it’s literally been months. thankfully they’re so patient but i can’t wait to not owe them that

omg and i can’t even think about the amount of money shawn’s grandma has lent us. she’s genuinely the only reason we haven’t been completely homeless. but it’s a lot. like i don’t even want to say the number on here. she let us use it from her line of credit over the years and we’ve been slowly paying her back, but she lets us go months at a time without making a payment which i honestly hate doing, but have no choice. i’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about this, but I also know that she genuinely would rather help us than see us suffer.

so i’m gonna talk about a big reason I’m broke this month especially - saving a pig named buster. his rescue cost me $1850 out of pocket that I didn’t have. but otherwise he was going to be killed in 2 days, he was my baby and I loved him so I had to do it. I somehow made $1350 that went towards it but I’m still owing $500, which I just asked for an extension for today until the new year. i’m not really supposed to talk about it but everything I’ve ever posted here has stayed here, so that cost was literally just from me buying the pig off the farmer. myself along with everyone else ive talked to is disgusted that he charged that much, but he wasnt budging and if that’s what it was going to take, of course I’m going to do it. I wouldn’t think twice about doing it for my dogs and Buster was smarter and more affectionate than them. i love him and I’m so happy he was saved. a non-profit organization transported him to a sanctuary and it was my biggest wish come true and the happiest moment I’ve had all year. my eyes are literally tearing up haha i love him so much. i could write a whole post about his neglect but basically he hasn’t had fresh water in weeks, he was only being fed handfuls of mixed nuts, he was constantly dirty in a muddy enclosure with an electric fence that he was always getting shocked on. he never got true love or affection except for when I gave him it. i posted an instagram story about him and asked people to message me and that i needed help, 2 people donated $111 and $120 each, and 2 other people donated $15 and $12. Someone also e-transferred me $20. These 4 donations equaled almost $300 ($277) and I was so grateful for those people wanting to help me help buster. if anyone else wants to help me with the cost of his rescue i still do need help and would appreciate it so much. this feels really weird and vulnerable for me to do and i’m sorry if anyone is annoyed by this post, I just genuinely am struggling and figured if someone does have extra and wants to help, there isn’t harm in that. but i do feel guilty for asking because i know there are so many other people struggling out there that need even more help than i do :(

i haven’t talked about it publically but i guess I will now, this farmer that I bought buster off of is the owner of the organic vegetable farm i was living and working at this past spring and summer. we worked really hard all summer to be able to stay there and park for free in the winter, but this past fall he told us no one was allowed to stay at the farm anymore, including us, so we had to find a new place to bring our 14ft trailer in to live. so that was an unexpected bummer and if we had known we wouldn’t be allowed staying there anymore (despite doing the labour of $1200 a month for free harvesting organic kale, for an off-grid spot he told us was worth $350 a month to park) we wouldn’t have driven 8 hours with the trailer and we would have stayed in the snow in northern BC and sucked it up and lived on the land we got the opportunity to rent this fall. Donna, the woman who is renting the land to us has been the biggest blessing in my life this year. I love her so much. Basically, she’s letting us live on 170 acres for $600 a month. letting us do whatever we want on the land (building a cabin, setting up rainwater catchment systems, having a solar passive greenhouse and a huge garden) LIKE WHAT. we could even open a farm sanctuary if we had money, i wanted to so bad but obviously that dream didn’t even come close to being reality. opportunities like this literally don’t exist in canada, especially not in BC. i cant even process my gratitude, i cry everytime i think about it. when we go back in the spring it’s going to be the beginning of the rest of our life :) i want to rescue so many senior dogs. everything we’ve always wanted to do we’ll be able to do, assuming we have money haha. but i want to have an organic farm and grow veggies to donate to families in need, especially since we live on stolen indiginious land and I see how the goverment actively restricts their access to fresh healthy produce. but anyways by then it was too dangerous to drive 8 hours back hauling a trailer in the snow and it was just easier to stay in the okanagan until the spring. i know the farmer probably doesn’t realize this and he’s also probably struggling financially but not being able to stay at the farm for the winter months we worked for, and buying buster for that price is a big reason I’m in the financial stress I am now so I figured i’d talk about it.

anyways. i think this is long enough and i think anyone reading this gets the point, i’m drowning in debt, my small business is almost costing me more to run and i’m not making nearly enough profit to live, the past few months ive been living off grid (not by choice) and just focused literally on surviving and not freezing and getting water etc and not having service or internet has affected me negatively. there’s internet now in the suite I’m in, it works really good in the morning and not as well at night, like for example tumblr doesn’t work past 5 pm for me to post photos. but ive been in a bad sleep schedule since i got here that i need to change. im sick and i need to heal myself. tomorrow i’ll set my alarm for 7:30. hopefully i make some money today. i got a social media managing job and it will end up being $1000 a month once i do the 3+ hours a day of work which im already feeling like i barely have time for my own basic life tasks. but i can do this.

if anyone reading this wants to help me out a bit, my paypal email is emilymiddin@hotmail.com or http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/veganveins

and my e-transfer email is emilymiddin@icloud.com i have auto deposit so you won’t have to ask a question :)

this is my first time in 7 years i’ve made a post like this or asked for help. i won’t do it again but figured i have nothing to lose. if you read up to here i love you a lot and thank you so much for being here <3

[insoulin]

it’s so weird having type 1 diabetes and insulin prices being so politicized which like....... i appreciate bc my monthly supply literally costs as much as my apartment rent but also it often feels like just a talking point? like i wish people would actually educate themselves on the other parts of the disease too and i guess better appreciate what we have to deal with? and also realize that it’s not just the insulin that’s expensive. it’s also the test strips, the cgm supplies, the pump supplies, the glucogon, the low treatments. all of which still doesn’t even get us half way to feeling like we have a fucking normally functioning body. idk if this has the nuance of how i really feel but in all i guess i want non disabled people to not only fight for like medicare for all and that sort thing but also actually try to understand how chronically ill/disabled people feel

[talpup]

Summary: Yami Sukehiro just wanted to join the Magic Knights and make his mentor proud. He knew there would be trails. He knew trouble would come his way. Knew he would be faced with discrimination for being a foreigner and a peasant. What he didn’t know. Didn’t expect. Was that literal Chaos would come his way. That he and his mentor’s sister would be at the center of world ending trouble. Or that he would fall in love with his mentor’s sister and face more than discrimination; but the jealously of Nozel Silva who loved the same woman he did.

Please remember this fic is rated mature and has warnings of violence, abuse, sexual tension, eventual sexual behavior, and other possible triggers. For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

Sorry about the late update. It was a super busy weekend, and my three big chronic illness bad's are still making me pay the price. Anyway, here you all go. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 96

It was near midnight. All the Captain's were tired, irritable, and on edge. They were meeting because Yami and Teris had never checked-in this evening when Jax had explicitly ordered his Vice Captain's to do so before lights out.

The Black Bulls Captain focused his glare on his fist which rested on the table as questions were asked, hypothesis given, and ideas about what to do were put forth. He blamed himself for Yami and Teris’ disappearance, certain that the Agents of Chaos had taken them.

Having reported to Greywright before this meeting was called, Jax had encouraged the Commander to question the supposed traitor Flic about Yami and Teris’ disappearance. But, Greywright had told him it would do no good. During his interrogation of Flic yesterday afternoon, Greywright had learned that the man knew nothing of the details concerning Alowishus’ plans. Jax would've liked some time alone with Flic anyway. Not to question the man; but simply to beat one of the Agents of Chaos, even if that person was no longer aligned with them.

“I question keeping up the search. Especially this late at night. We went out this morning looking for two Vice Captains and instead of finding them, we lost two more.” Jamie said.

“You sound scared.” Win taunted.

“I’m concerned for the safety of my squad. For all our squads.” Jamie said.

“We’re Magic Knights. We don’t abandon anyone, least of all our own.” Kess said, fiercely.

“I’m not saying we give up.” Jamie told, thinking Pyter would’ve understood if he were still Captain of the Silver Eagles.

“You’ve always been a selfish ass. I doubt you’d want to continue even if it was your own Vice Captain missing.” Mereoleona fumed.

“We don’t even know who took them or why. Blindly searching has done nothing but thinned our resources and wear our Magic Knights to exhaustion, and it’s only been a day.” Danise said.

Whilf nodded in agreement. “There has to a better way to go about this.”

“Better then searching for four Magic Knights Vice Captain’s?” Mereoleona stormed in challenge of the Purple Orcas Captain.

“No one’s saying that. But fumbling around hoping to stumble upon something isn’t working.” Breigha said.

Mereoleona could hardly argue with her friend. During her own futile search this afternoon she had wanted to torch the four kingdoms until whoever took her brother returned him, begging for mercy. She’d fry the fools and then pummel Fuegoleon for letting himself be taken.

“Do we even have an idea if they were taken because they’re all Magic Knights, or three of them royal?” Win asked.

“I’m guessing none of the families have received any word or demands?” Danise tendered. The Coral Peacocks Captain looked from Mereoleona to Julius. She glanced at Kess figuring as Nozel’s Captain she would've been in contact with Nathyn Silva or at least a representative from the royal house.

Julius rapped his knuckles on the tabletop with a silent curse. Just like last year, and two months ago during the Spade Kingdom mess, he had forgotten to send message to Fyntch about Teris being taken. When he had finally gotten around to writing Fyntch last year he hadn’t mentioned that Teris had been taken; simply saying he was sure Fyntch had seen the beam that lit up the sky the morning of the Summer Solstice and assuring him that he and Teris were okay. As for the happening with the Spade Kingdoms Magic Scientist Rayla, he hadn’t bothered sending Fyntch message and told Teris as much so she wouldn’t mention it to their brother.

Having met with Lord Leonidas himself and spoken with House Silva’s representative, Jorah said. “Neither the Silva’s or Vermillion’s have reported receiving demands or word of admission and intent.”

Jamie scoffed, thinking that the Silva’s and Vermillion’s were too proud to admit to it if they had. The two royal houses likely had their own people looking into things and would handle the matter privately if they came across anything.

Whilf looked at the Wizard Kings Advisor. “Has Magic Investigations unearthed anything of use?”

Ellara shook her head sadly at the Purple Orcas Captain. “My people have been out all day checking in with their sources and questioning people searching for some kind of lead. We haven’t given up. But as yet, they have discovered nothing that would tell us who took the Vice Captain's or why.” She looked at Julius, Mereoleona, Jax, and Kess. “I’m sorry.”

Julius and Jax stared at the Wizard Kings Advisor, both thinking Ellara was far from sorry but would be.

96.2

Yami noticed how Calen stuck close by them as he and Teris were made to walk through the portal. Given that Teris had once broken through Calen’s negating magic the first time she had light traveled, it was justifiable that they were concerned.

“Leon! Nozel!” Teris rushed forward only to be grabbed by a cloaked figure.

Yami punched the Agent of Chaos not seeing or caring if the person was a man or woman. He pulled Teris out of their grasp, holding her to him.

“Peace, Livia.” Calen told the woman as Alowishus stepped through the gateway.

Livia stood down and tenderly touched her face.

Hands bound above his head, hanging from a tree branch, Fuegoleon’s eyes blinked slowly open.

Tied and swaying beside the Crimson Lion, Nozel croaked, barely able to lift his head. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“Didn’t have much of a choice.” Yami said, looking them over.

Nozel took in a slow, shallow, shuddering breath; grimacing at the pain the small movement brought.

Teris tried once more to step to them, but Yami held her firm least someone attempt to stop her again.

Teris trembled in Yami’s arms, a fearful rage building. Nozel and Fuegoleon were alive but they were a battered, bloody mess. And that was only the injuries she could see. They had been in the Agents of Chaos’ custody for little more than twenty-four hours. Who knew what those monsters had done to them.

One eye swollen shut. The other, vision tinted red by blood. Nozel told Yami. “First chance you get, you get her out of here.”

Teris shook her head, angry worried tears blurring her sight. Though she had no idea how they were going to manage it, she promised Nozel and Fuegoleon. “No matter what it takes. We’re going to get you out of this.”

“I’m glad you said that; because you hold the way to freedom for your Intended and your cousin. The path to seeing them live through this is a simple one.” Alowishus said, stepping toward her and Yami.

Teris turned to face him. “Let them go and I’ll do it.”

“Teris... No--” Fuegoleon’s lips moved, sound barely coming out. His voice faltered, weakly coughing up blood.

Yami uttered a stream of curses, his grip on Teris tightening. He scowled at Alowishus and the surrounding Agents of Chaos in the low, flickering firelight of Piper’s magic. He would kill every single one of them even if it took his entire life to hunt down every member of Alowishus’ followers.

“That’s not how this goes.” Alowishus told Teris. “Your friends go free only after you and Yami do as I say. Play difficult and we will continue harming them until you do or they die; whichever comes first. But I warn you. They proved difficult themselves, refusing to answer the simplest questions. It’s left them in bad shape. I doubt they’d be able to survive much more.”

Fuegoleon’s eyes slowly lifted, too weak to rise his heavy head. He wanted to tell Teris not to listen. He would rather die than have his cousin agree to whatever these people wanted. But no matter hard he tried, his brain couldn’t make his chapped bleeding lips form the words.

Yami didn’t need a better look at Fuegoleon and Nozel to know Alowishus was telling the truth. It was clear they had been tortured and were in really rough shape. Nozel’s head lolled. Though it was difficult to tell if the man was unconscious or not.

“What do you want?” Yami asked.

“To get to the treasure vault of a labyrinth.” Alowishus said.

“What? You and your people so lacking that you need us for such a simple task.” Yami mocked.

“This isn’t any labyrinth, Yami. The contents of the vault are meant for you and Teris. Destined for the two of you to find and receive.” Alowishus told.

“Labyrinth 297,353.” Teris breathed.

Alowishus smiled. “I see you’ve heard of it.”

Yami looked at Teris in question.

Teris stared back, both surprised and not that Yami didn’t remember. “He wants us to collect the Future of Chaos.”

“Not just the two of you.” Alowishus said, keen ears hearing Teris’ whisper. “I will be going down with you to also receive the page.”

Yami turned to the man. “The History of Chaos has been nothing but a curse. Like hell I’m going to the labyrinth that has the Future of Chaos. I’d rather see those two die.”

“As you wish.” Alowishus’ eyes slid to the Mage that stood beside Nozel and gave a slight nod.

Nozel’s body tensed and began to squirm. Hanging from his arms, he began to swing. His muscles spasmed at the pain. Teeth pressed together trying to hold back the cry that bubbled in his throat.

Yami couldn’t see any outward wounds being made. But when blood began to come from Nozel’s ears, nose, eyes, and mouth, he barked. “Stop!”

Alowishus tilted his head at Yami, not yet giving the signal for the Mage to cease. “Agree.”

Yami glared.

Nozel began to scream.

Voice caught in fear and horror, Teris’ trembled, knuckles white as she clutched onto Yami’s upper arms.

“We’ll do it. We’ll go.” Yami broke.

Alowishus smiled. “Excellent.”

The signal was given and the Mage stopped.

Alowishus held a beckoning hand out to Teris. “Come here.”

Yami’s arm tightened around Teris’ waist. But he hadn’t needed to worry, she didn’t even try to move.

“It appears you require another lesson in how this goes.” Alowishus turned to the Mage and told. “Don’t be so gentle this time.”

Whatever the man was doing, he did it to both Nozel and Fuegoleon. Both their bodies seized. The Crimson Lion and Silver Eagle crying out. Teris tired to take a step toward Alowishus but Yami held her in place. She squirmed in his arms, pushing at his chest; but Yami refused to release her.

Teris looked up Yami at single tear rolling from its bank and down her cheek. “Please.”

Yami shook his head even as his hold slowly released. Teris stepped away him. He made to follow but was barred by someones arm. They didn’t dare touch him, but it was enough to stay his steps.

Teris was more than halfway to him when Alowishus gave his man a nod.

Teris’ steps ceased. Her head started to turn to look over her shoulder at Fuegoleon and Nozel when suddenly Alowishus was right in front of her. His hand clasped her jaw, fingers digging into her cheeks as he turned her to face him.

The next thing Teris knew, Alowishus was kissing her. No. It wasn’t really a kiss. Though that didn’t make it any less unnerving or make her stop trying to push away. It was more like the way a mother bird feeds her young. Only in this case, Alowishus was forcing a thick, vaporous substance down her throat.

Yami broke the arm barring his way and rushed forward. He was tackled and held down by three men. A cloak of mana flickered around Yami like a sputtering candle flame, present one moment and gone the next.

Calen ground his teeth. His magic fighting to negate Yami’s.

Mana skin blinking in and out of existence, Yami threw one of the men holding him into another that was coming to assist. He got to his feet and tossed a second against a tree trunk ten meters away,

“Stand back.” Slade told the third that was still trying to hold Yami back from their Master. The Rope Mage created a glowing rope. It wrapped around Yami, binding him tight.

Yami fell to the ground. He pulled and struggled against the magical binds, yelling curses and threats.

Alowishus released Teris and staggered back. Misandre was there to help steady her Master.

Teris fell to her knees. Sputtering, she coughed up dense black smoke. Her eyes watered, at the burning cold that seeped through her body into her very soul.

“What the hell did you do to her! I’ll kill you!” Yami roared, the magical ropes breaking nearly as fast as Slade could create them.

“I merely replenished her mana stores. You should thank me. In her depleted state she wouldn’t have survived receiving the Future of Chaos, let alone whatever dangers we might cross down there.” Alowishus looked down at Teris who was on all fours choking up thick black puffs. “Your system is adjusting to foreign mana. It’s not a perfect exchange, but you’ll be fine.”

Yami snarled. His fighting didn’t let up, even as Teris’ coughing eased.

“Let him go to her.” Alowishus ordered.

As soon as Slade’s magic released, Yami was on his feet. He rushed to Teris, sliding to his knees to stop beside her. His arm wrapped around her jerking shoulders as she continued to sputter.

“You alright?” Yami asked, pushing her hair back from her face.

Teris nodded, still wheezing. She wiped the stale taste of Alowishus off her mouth and spit, wisps of black mana escaping her mouth and nose like smoke. She pushed up to her knees, a shaking hand gripping Yami’s arm for balance. “Leon? Nozel?”

Yami glanced over at the still bound men. Neither Nozel or Fuegoleon moved. Their breathing so shallow Yami couldn’t see the rise and fall of their chests. Through his sense of their Ki, he was able to pick up on their faint breaths and weakened heartbeats.

“Still breathing.” It was the only thing Yami could say.

Alowishus turned away. “Let’s go. The new moon rises. We must be in the vault by its peak.”

“What’s a moonless night have to do with it?” Teris rasped, Yami helping her to her feet.

Alowishus turned back her. Rather than answer, he told. “Yami’s power might be on the rise. But he has still faced a small down trend as the Summer Solstice has neared. Your power, though lessening, will continue to grow slightly until the morning of the solstice.”

Yami looked at Teris seeing her frown at the unanswered question. He could see her mind working, trying to figure out the answer on her own.

“Before we head out. Turn around and look at your beloved friends.” Alowishus ordered.

Despite not wanting to do anything the man told her to, Teris couldn’t resist. She turned.

Yami stood in her way, wide shoulders and towering frame blocking her view. He gave her a slight shake of his head.

Teris stared up at him.

“Move and let her see them, Yami. You both should know the stakes any further disobedience will have.” Alowishus told.

“She doesn’t need to see them.” Yami said, eyes lifting to the man that called himself Death.

Alowishus stared back. For a moment it looked as if he would insist. With a sigh, he allowed. “Very well. You’ve seen the state of them, Yami. You know what testing me would mean. I doubt you want to be the cause of their deaths.”

Teris balked at that. She tried to step to the side, but Yami moved with her.

“So protective.” Alowishus smirked. Looking at Teris, he told. “It’s probably for the best. A sight like that will stay with you long after they’ve recovered, or died.”

“Leave her alone.” Yami growled.

Alowishus looked down at Teris. “Just so long as you’re aware. Timeis of the essence for the both of us. Your cousin won’t last more than two hours at most. Your Intended not lasting much longer after that. And that’s only if you behave and don’t kill them yourselves by having me set Nexis back to work on them.”

Yami glared at Alowishus. “We won’t try anything. Let’s just get on with it.”

“For the Prince’s sake I hope that’s true. I will be carrying a charm. If I activate it, Nexis continues his work until I deactivate it. If I’m injured, it activates immediately. If I am rendered unconscious, it activates immediately. As unlikely as such a happening is, if I am killed...” Alowishus smiled at the change in Yami’s eyes at the prospect.

“Let me guess. The charm activates.” Yami said.

“No. The charm crumbles to dust. As does the connecting ones left in the hands of my followers. If that happens, not only will the Silva and Vermillion heirs be instantly killed. But the Agents watching Captain's Julius and Jax, as well a the rest of your friends from afar, will spring into action killing them before they even realize there’s a threat.” Alowishus said.

“But you’ll be dead.” Yami said, as if the rest didn’t matter.

Alowishus gave a tight smile. “Only for a time. You cannot kill Death”

“Pretty sure if I removed your head you’ll die.” Yami said.

“I’ve heard that before. Sadly, only one such commenter was still around to see how wrong they were.” Alowishus sighed tiredly and raised a guiding arm. “Shall we?”

Taking Teris’ hand, Yami stepped after Alowishus. They walked for some time through the dark forest with only the dim glow of the accompanying Agents of Chaos’ grimoires to light the way.

While the mana Alowishus gave Teris might've bolstered her magics reserves. It didn’t do much to help against physical exhaustion. Seeing her start to lag, Yami looked ahead to Alowishus. “Didn’t you say time was of the essence? Why are we tripping through a moonless forest?”

“Misandre will see us inside the labyrinth, but first we must find it.” Alowishus said. Pausing his steps to stare at something in his hand.

“What do you got there?” Yami asked.

“Directions. Of a sort.” Alowishus looked over his shoulder at Yami. “Come have a look if you’d like.”

Yami slowly released Teris’ hand. He glared at the surrounding Agents of Chaos in warning. Grateful for the breather, Teris didn’t move to follow him.

Alowishus watched Yami as he stepped beside him and looked at what he held in his open palm.

Yami scowled. “Are those bones?”

“Finger bones to be precise. They’re from the maker of the labyrinth and are pointing us to the labyrinths entrance.” Alowishus smirked at Yami. “You see? I do my part to make things as easy and painless as I can for the two you. When we reach the area, Misandre will portal the three of us in. Once down there, we’ll make our way to the vault and the three of us will enter and receive the Future of Chaos.”

Yami raised a brow. “The three of us?” He scratched the back of his neck. “I might not have the brains Teris does. But I remember the paper sniffers at Investigations saying Yurist’s prophecy said the ones who found the History of Chaos would find its future. Seeing as you weren’t there when we got the first page of Chaos. I don’t see how you expect to get your hands on the second.”

Alowishus’ eyes darkened. “I’ve forgotten more about Yurist and his prophecy’s than the sum knowledge of the four kingdoms libraries and scholars combined. When it comes to such things, you must be careful, Yami. Yes, the prophecy says the two that find the History of Chaos will also find the Future of Chaos. But the key word there is find. Not receive.”

Yami looked at the man thinking that if the keyword was ‘find’ then Alowishus was still somehow wrong and in for a disappointment; because he and Teris weren’t finding anything, they were being led. Giving one last look at the bones that moved like a compass, Yami stepped back to Teris.

They walked a bit more until Alowishus stopped once again.

“Misandre. Here. Three hundred and seven meters down.” Alowishus glanced at Yami and Teris seeing they too had picked up on the numbers. He and his people still hadn’t learned the full meaning of Yami being a third seventh son; and as much as he wanted to question Yami further on it, now wasn’t the time.

Calen stepped to his Master, his concern evident. He remembered last years long lingering injury Alowishus had suffered from his battle with Julius Nova, and Yami and Teris’ combined attack.

“They know the stakes, and won’t try anything.” Alowishus soothed Calen. He looked at Yami and Teris. “Will you.”

Yami’s left hand rested on his katana’s hilt. “I suppose you’ll just have to trust us. Just like we’re having to trust you about not killing the royals, and letting us all go.”

Calen glared at Yami. “If you harm the Master. I’ll do more than kill your friends. I’ll find this Land of the Rising Sun and end every single member of the Sukehiro line.”

“Good luck with that.” Yami said, sure there had to be a family that went by Sukehiro in his homeland; unfortunately for Calen’s plans, it wasn’t Yami’s family.

Misandre opened up a portal. Alowishus gave the Spatial Mage a nod as he passed through. That’s when Yami saw the woman’s hands. Hands he’d recognize anywhere given the amount of times they had hit him and tried to crush his neck.

Yami pulled his katana from its sheath. “Those don’t belong to you!”

“Yami, don’t!” Teris grabbed his arm, not seeing how his eyes had flicked black for a fraction of a second.

Snarling at the woman wearing Bronn’s hands, Yami sheathed his katana. “I’ll soon see those off you and where they belong.”

96.2.2

“Teris. Give us some light.” Alowishus said from somewhere in the dark space.

Teris’ hand twitched tempted to light up the direction Spade’s voice sounded from and fry him. Her grip on Yami’s arm tightened, grateful they had stepped through the portal together.

Slowly, she lit up the area. The three blinked, their eyes adjusting.

Looking about the space, Alowishus told. “To use your terminology, the labyrinth isn’t active. With it not open and visible to the surface we will have to deal with the dark. But it also means that most of the beasts and traps will be in hibernation. Still, be on guard. The creatures that reside in places like this are more powerful during the new moon.”

“Which leads me to ask again. Why a moonless night?” Teris questioned.

Alowishus tilted his head. “The vault is this way.”

Senses alert to danger even if he didn’t appear to be, Yami commented almost conversationally. “I suppose we should be thankful that Bronn was such a good Spatial Mage. Without his hands, that woman probably would’ve deposited us between bedrock.”

“Noticed that did you?” Alowishus smiled, leading the way.

“Gotta admit, I half expected her to try and smack me upside the head.” Yami said.

“Parts taken carry a residual portion of a persons magic, not a remnant of the persons character.” Alowishus said.

“Why take Bronn’s hands at all? Were Erskin’s a little too chewed up by Saber Wolves? Or were the hands of your dead follower too painful to see?” Teris asked.

“When you have lived as long as I; such feelings of friendship, love, even hate all but fade away. I’m not so old that I’m incapable of affecting such emotions for the sake of others. But, just between the three of us. I feel little to nothing. Well, until the two of you showed up.” Alowishus stopped and turned to to face them. “You two have done much more than give me the means to reach my aims. You have made me feel again. First excitement. Then awe. I have long since forgotten what hope felt like. But I believe I may have begun to feel a bit of that as well.”

Teris’ brows furrowed. “Just how old are you?”

Alowishus wagged a finger at her. “A proper bred young royal like you should know it’s impolite to ask.”

“Just how old are you?” Yami questioned.

Alowishus smirked and turned away. “Come. Time runs short.”

Though they didn’t come upon any traps. They did happen upon two beasts. Just as Alowishus had said, the creatures were more difficult to subdue than expected. Finally they reached a large cavernous chamber with a set of towering double doors that looked near identical to the ones that had housed the History of Chaos.

“Our time together is almost over.” Alowishus said, as if saddened by the fact.

“You’ll keep your word and let us go.” Yami prompted.

“Of course. I’m a man of my word. After this, you and Teris are free to go. Until I next require you that is.”

“Nozel and Fuegoleon?” Teris questioned.

“Your beloved cousin and your Intended will be set free as well.” Alowishus said.

“Last time we faced a vault containing something having to do with Yurist and Chaos the doors snapped shut behind us and didn’t reopen till someone from the outside did so.” Yami said.

“That won’t be an issue.” Alowishus said.

“Why? Got a tracking charm on you that you’ll leave where you’re standing so the Spatial Mage with Bronn’s hands can portal here and open the doors when we’re done?” Yami asked.

“Clever. But no.” Alowishus told.

“Then what’s your plan for getting us out of there?” Teris questioned.

“Me.” Alowishus said.

“You?” Teris stared.

Alowishus’ expression darkened. “Even if you don’t trust me. Trust that I don’t want to be in that vault room any longer than necessary.”

Alowishus turned and looked at the vault doors. Excited as he was to once again see and this time receive the Future of Chaos, he wondered if his grandfather’s work would have him. And if added to his grimoire, what, if anything, the page of Chaos would show him.

96.3

Nozel’s eyes slowly opened. Even with the pain, thirst, hunger, and fatigue muddling his senses; he could feel a swell of mana not too far from where they were.

Guilt washed over him. Not just for Teris agreeing to whatever Alowishus wanted for his and Fuegoleon’s sake; but for the terrible state the Crimson Lion was in.

During their questioning, the Agents of Chaos had taken to torturing the other in effort to get them to comply. The tactic had worked a lot quicker on Fuegoleon, who had caved, reluctantly answering their questions. Nozel’s will to protect Teris and ability to tune things out had seen him hold out longer. Their tormentors cutting into Fuegoleon’s flesh and magically tearing at his insides as Alowishus calmly waited for Nozel to answer.

Much as he wanted to, Nozel couldn’t fully lay the blame of this on Yami. Not when he and Fuegoleon were being used to make Teris comply with Alowishus Spade’s wishes. Not when even he had broke for Fuegoleon’s sake and answered the mans questions. He tried to recall what those questions had been but currently couldn’t.

His still good eye, the other swollen shut, turned in the direction of the swelling mana. The direction Alowishus had taken Teris and Yami in. He hoped Teris was alright, and silently swore he’d kill Yami if the man let anything happen to her.

Still unconscious, Fuegoleon’s shallow breath rattled in his chest. The Crimson Lion was fading. Yami and Teris needed to hurry.

96.4

Yami’s head snapped up, sensing a rise in Alowishus’ mana.

Teris turned to the man as well, tone accusatory. “The peak of the new moon has a similar effect as the solstice does for us.”

“Not the peak of the new moon. The moment right before. When it is at its darkest. The height of the moons death, if you will.” Alowishus gestured to the closed vault doors. “After you.”

“Never been in a labyrinth where the vault doors didn’t open. Do we just bust in?” Yami asked.

Teris shook her head. “There’s magic holding the doors closed. If we try to force it, the reaction could be similar to our magic when it clashes.”

Yami looked up. “Under three hundred some odd meters of earth and stone. I don’t like our chances of surviving that.”

Teris turned to Alowishus. “The labyrinth’s not active. There is no way we can open the vault doors.”

“You disappoint me. Unless you’re hoping I’m that stupid.”

Teris’ mouth opened, but Alowishus continued on.

“I assure you. I didn’t go through all this trouble without being certain there was a way to open a sleeping labyrinths vault room.”

“Then do it.” Teris said.

“Now that does make me certain you know better. Did you forget the rules regarding your friends up top? Think you could see me dead by tricking me and light travel to them before my followers kill them?” Alowishus’ eyes darkened. “Open it up.”

“The mana you gave me— I doubt it’ll recognize it as mine.” Teris said.

“Then we will just have to hope your system was able to assimilate enough of it for the labyrinth to recognize it is you.” Alowishus said.

“What’s that?” Yami asked, looking between them.

Frowning at Alowishus, Teris explained. “If what Yurist wrote is true. Then our mana should be able to open the doors.”

“So why can’t he do that?” Yami asked.

Teris stepped before the doors. “Shall we.”

Yami scowled. “I asked you a question.”

“Leon and Nozel don’t have much time.” Teris told.

Yami stared a moment. Something was off. He didn’t like how Teris didn’t answer him. How she wouldn’t even look at him, staring straight at the door. But she was right. Braid Face and Lion Cub were in bad shape. They didn’t have much time.

Heaving a sigh, Yami tilted his head side to side, stretching his neck. “How much mana are we giving to open up this thing?”

Teris swallowed, nervously. “As much as it needs in order to recognize us as us.”

Yami did the same as Teris and placed his palm on the door. He slowly loosened his hold on his mana. Even a couple paces from Teris and in direct contact with the object he was letting his mana seep into, it was a struggle to keep it from veering to connect with hers.

A pressure beneath his hand built as if something other than the door was stretching out, making contact with him. It apparently approved, as it stopped taking in his mana forcing Yami to pull back on the eased harness of it least his lose control and his mana connect with Teris’.

Yami turned to Teris surprised she wasn’t done as she had started before him. He stepped to her. A prickle of foreboding tickling the back of his neck. “Teris?”

Watching Teris with interest, Alowishus warned. “I wouldn’t touch her.”

Yami spun to the man, temper and worry rising. “What’s happening?”

“It’s trying to decide if it’s really her.” Alowishus said.

“What do you mean, if it’s her? Of course it’s her.”

“Did you forget? I gave her a portion of my mana.” Alowishus said.

Yami’s muscles tensed, concern tipping into fear. His jaw clenched, understanding what Teris and Alowishus had been talking about. Understanding why she had avoided answering and had refused to look at him.

“I’m confidant her system has been able to assimilate enough of my mana and make it her own by now.” Alowishus eased.

“Bastard! I’ll kill you!” Yami stepped toward Alowishus, katana cloaked in darkness.

“Do you really wish to be the death of Teris’ beloved friends when you are so close to seeing them and yourselves go free? Or was this your secret plan all along? To lash out at me and get her Intended out of the way. Permanently.”

Katana raised to send a slash of darkness, Yami paused.

Alowishus lifted a shoulder, smirking. “I can’t say I blame you. You face enough trails with me and my plans as it is. It would undoubtedly be a relief not to have to deal with the mess of having to fight in order to make Teris yours. You know I could just activate the charm. We could finish up here and return to the top. It’ll simply appear to Teris as if they succumbed to their injuries. It will be our secret. She need never know.”

Yami glared. The cloak of darkness disappeared from his blade. “No.”

“I could send message for only Nozel to be put down.” Alowishus tempted. “Fuegoleon, if he still lives, isn’t the problem after all.”

“I said, no.” Yami growled. He sheathed his katana.

Teris fell to her knees.

Yami turned back and knelt beside her. “I got you. You alright?”

“Yeah.” Teris breathed.

Yami brushed her hair back noting how pale and feverish she was. “When we get outta here you and I are gonna talk about the chance you took without telling me.”

“Had to—for Nozel and Leon.” Teris panted, trembling hand wiping her sweat drenched brow.

Looking down at them, Alowishus felt a pang of disappointment that Yami hadn’t taken him up on his offer. Maybe it was merely because Death had helped create Darkness; but there was something about Yami that made him want to win the young man over.

Alowishus stepped in front of the opening vault doors. “Up. We still got our prize to receive.”

Ignoring the man, Yami asked Teris. “Can you stand?”

Still out of breath, Teris merely nodded.

Yami hooked her arm around his neck and wrapped his arm around her waist. Easily bearing most of her weight, he lifted her to her feet with him as he stood. “Let’s get this over with.”

They stepped into the vault with Alowishus. Yami and Teris looked at each other, puzzled when they weren’t congratulated by the same Crazy Happy Killer Voice that had greeted them when they received the History of Chaos.

If the labyrinths were created by the same person. Even if that person wasn’t Yurist himself. Then surely things would be similar. The doors and interior of the vault were almost identical.

At least this vault didn’t have bodies in various stages of decay, Teris morbidly thought.

Alowishus seemed to realize something was wrong as well. Mana flaring, the Master of the Agents of Chaos released a roar of fury. The chamber they were in shook around them. Dirt and stone raining down.

Yami held Teris tight, creating a shielding cocoon of blackness. “Get us out of here!”

Teris would’ve done so but for one thing. Her concern for Nozel and Fuegoleon’s lives. Alowishus still held that charm.

“Now!” Yami gritted, dark cocoon straining against the weight of the crumbling labyrinth.

Teris light traveled them to where they had last seen Fuegoleon and Nozel.

“Get away from them!” Alowishus ordered his people when they made to move against Yami and Teris.

Teris spun around. Yami’s shield dropped,

Teris’ hand lifted on instinct. She sent out a burst of incinerating light only for it to dim and slow as soon as if left her. Slowed as it was, it was still faster than most magical attacks.

Caught by surprised, Alowishus didn’t get a chance to move. The attack struck him in the chest. There was a moment of stillness as everyone stared.

Alowishus and Teris blinked at one another. They both knew he had been undefended and her direct hit should have instantly killed him.

Rage still consuming him, Alowishus counted this as one thing going his way this night. “It would seem your system hasn’t assimilated enough of my mana for it to harm me. Better luck next time.” He saw Yami reach for his katana and ordered. “Misandre. Quickly now.”

Alowishus didn’t wait around long enough to see if Misandre was able to portal his followers out in time. Breaking apart, he disintegrated into the earth.

Katana cloaking in darkness even as he unsheathed it from its scabbard, Yami sent out a several dark slashes. He cursed, knowing before they cut down the trees beyond that he was too slow. Alowishus and the Agents of Chaos were gone.

Yami turned to Fuegoleon and Nozel. With a swipe of his blade, he cut the Silver Eagle and Crimson Lion free. Hoping Alowishus' foreign mana wouldn’t adversely effect her light traveling Fuegoleon and Nozel, Teris took the four of them to Healers Hall.

96.5

Alowishus’ anger had barely calmed. Storming into his private office, he slammed the door behind him and made for the shelf behind his desk, picking up his father's skull.

“Your lied!” Alowishus roared, gripping the skull in both hands.

“I told you, your efforts would be futile.” A voice resonated in his head.

Alowishus shook the skull, not hearing the dead mans words. “The Future of Chaos was not there!”

“The Future of Chaos is not for you.” The voice of the skull sounded in his mind.

“I had a plan to work around that. It was faultless.” Alowishus snapped.

“Apparently not.” The voice said.

“You placed grandfathers work back inside labyrinth 297,353 after you retrieved it, putting special protections in place to keep me out.” Alowishus said.

“You mean after I took back what you stole?” The voice of Erin Spade questioned.

Alowishus snarled, grip tightening. “I had it in my grasp and you took it. Stole it.”

“You stole it first.”

Alowishus slammedthe skull down and turned away. He had barely been able to delve into the unfathomable knowledge that was the Future of Chaos before his father had ripped it from his grasp. He had been sure his father had placed the page back in labyrinth 297,353 for Yami and Teris to eventually find; certainthat his father had merely set barriers to block his re-entrance, since he had been unable to enter again until tonight.

“You placed grandfathers work back inside labyrinth 297,353 after you retrieved it.” Alowishus said, again.

“Did I?” His father's voice sounded in his mind.

“You moved the Future of Chaos to another location!”

“You moved it first when you stole it.”

“You changed the future Yurist saw. You ruined Yami and Teris’ destiny to have the Future of Chaos.” Alowishus accused.

“More thanlikely, I kept theprophecy concerning the Future of Chaosin tact. While my father’s prophetic words could often be unclear. That one sentencewas quite clear. Findand receive. It could hardly be said those twofound the labyrinth, what with you setting upon them and forcing them to bend to yourwill and go down there. I have full confidence that Yami and Teris will find and receive my father’s final work, if they haven’t already.”

“What do you mean haven’t already?” Alowishus demanded.

“Destiny canonly be bent to your will so far before it snapsback to its own designs, Fin.”

Alowishus sneered at beingcalledby his first life's name. “I will have my way, Old Man. Yami and Teris will help me awaken Chaos and see to a finalend. I will get what I have worked sevenexistencesfor.”

“Good luck doing it without the Future of Chaos.” The voice taunted.

“You are useless and more infuriating every time I speak to you. I should ground your bones to dust and forget you ever lived.”

“I wish you would.” The skull of Erin Spade said.

“That would bring you too much joy. Finally finding your rest after all these years. No. You will not rest until I have my way.” Picking up the skull, Alowishus set it back on the shelf. “Till the death of the next moon, Old Man. Know that I won’t enjoy the three nights of your company anymore than you will mine.”

Comments are VERY MUCH appreciated and really make my day. Thank you to those who have left hearts. And a special THANK YOU to those who have recently commented or re-blogged. It really means a lot.

Next chapter snippet:

“He’s ill.” Jax said.

“How ill?” Marx asked.

“Deathly.” Yami rumbled.

[twiistedgalaxies]

Genesis: Chapter 11: The Search

How two brothers can take two opposite paths. How a man can be made into a monster and how the other must pay the ultimate price to save everything he knows and loves.

Or, alternatively:

The origins of All for One and One for All.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

      “Where were you?” Tomura asked stiffly, knees drawn into his chest and back resting against the metallic back-bars of the bed. He held onto his own legs like a life-line. His steel gaze was on Hisashi, but he knew his eyes were distant. Relentless agony over several days does that to a person.

      “I got you your medicine,” Hisashi said awkwardly, depositing the crinkly prescription bag at the foot of the bed.

      Tomura was unimpressed, “Where’d you get the money?”

      His brother blinked, “I had some stashed away in case of an emergency, with how ill you’ve been I figured now would be the best time to use it,” he scratched the back of his neck in a pale imitation of nervousness, “it took a while to get your prescription filled, sorry.”

      A bitter taste flooded Tomura’s mouth. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t stupid, he knew his brother was probably lying to him. Before the incident with Bruce, he would have overlooked it, overjoyed that he’d get some relief from his own body. But after seeing the preeteen’s whimpering, curled form, he knew it had to stop before someone else got hurt. Hisashi looked like a mess, far more than he should have for a simple trip to CVS. His curly white hair stuck up in odd places, soot clung to his left cheek, and a nasty looking cut was crusting on his forehead. Even worse, one of his jacket sleeves was completely missing.

      “What happened?” Tomura asked, yawn drawn out of him, chronic illness wearing him thin. It was a lucky thing that most of the kids and staff were preoccupied with class, otherwise he wouldn’t have been the sole witness to his older brother crawling through the church window like a home invader.

      “I got mugged,” Hisashi said smoothly, “With how hard it is to get medicine these days, someone probably saw me leaving the pharmacy. I fended them off of course, but they got a few lucky hits in.”

      Tomura had seen his sibling fight before. No one ever got in lucky hits. “Why do you keep lying to me?”

      The teen had the audacity to look puzzled, tilting his head to the side like a kicked puppy - a strange look on someone so tall and gangly, “I’m not lying to you ‘mura, do you really not trust me? After all I’ve done for you?”

      He was too tired and sick for this shit. Tomura laid on his side and pulled the thin, cotton blanket over his head. Footsteps echoed through the room as Hisashi migrated to his own bed and rummaged through his things. He knew he should be grateful, but not knowing what his brother was up to, the terrible things that could be happening under the teen’s veneer of protectiveness, made him ill. At these thoughts, Tomura felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He pulled the blanket tighter around his body.

      Hisashi sighed, “At least take the medicine I got for you. I hate seeing you like this.”

      “Fine,” Tomura grumbled, poking his head out from under the covers.

      “So you can be reasonable!” Hisashi tried to tease as he measured out his brother’s dose. Tomura scowled, feeling his nose scrunch up as if he smelled something rotten.

      “Oh don’t be like that,” Hisashi huffed, “I even got you your favorite drink, see?” The teen held out a strawberry Ramune soda. Tomura perked up at that, but quickly reigned himself in. He was still angry at his brother. 

      The bed creaked as Hisashi sat down at Tomura’s side and passed him the medicine and soda bottle. The preteen stared at the beverage for a moment, before trying, and failing, to open it. Damn EDS, this wasn’t worth another dislocation. Hisashi must have noticed his struggling, because he quickly snatched the bottle from his hands and easily popped the marble inwards. The teen handed him back the drink and ruffled his hair. 

      Tomura popped the pill in his mouth and swallowed it with one gulp of his soda, wincing at the carbonation but still savoring the sweet taste. “I didn’t know they had these at CVS,” he said.

      “I was surprised to see them too, I guess the pharmacy has gotten a lot more cultured,” Hisashi replied with a quirk of his lips.

      They fell into an uneasy silence, Tomura gazed into his bubbly pink drink, not wanting to look at his older brother. His left hand wandered to one of the many raw patches that had bloomed on his skin over the past week. What on Earth had his brother gotten himself involved in?

      “Are you mad at me?” Hisashi asked, Tomura didn’t need to look up to see the frown coloring his voice. Yes. He was angry, angry that his brother couldn’t trust him enough to tell him what was going on, angry that he was always kept in the dark, sheltered from what was going happening until it leaped up and punched him in the face. The anger was a simmering, burbling thing, caged in the space between his ribs and diaphragm. His grip on the Ramune tightened, knuckles white.

      Tomura swallowed, “Go get changed, you look homeless.”

                                                -@~*^*~@-

      The rest of the day was spent with Tomura staring up at the ceiling, and reading the few comics he owned for the dozenth time. He was bored. Hearing Hisashi get berated by the matron for sneaking out didn’t really count for entertainment. Even though he was irritated at his older brother’s deceit, he still didn’t want him to suffer. Belatedly, he realized that because Hisashi had been given intensive cleaning duty for the next week, his brother would spend his own birthday cleaning out the kitchen’s drip pans.

      Tomura turned onto his side. The medication helped. A lot. He was still in pain, obviously, and whenever he sat up too quickly he was overwhelmed with dizziness, but it was better than hurting so much he couldn’t think. Or a violent cacophony of color sparking under his eyelids when he was hit with another wave of anguish. Yay chronic pain. The church bells rang, signalling the end of the school day and causing Tomura to wince at the loud noise. It didn’t take long for his peers to flood into the room. His bed creaked as two people sat at his side. He fluttered open his eyelids.

      “Hey,” he croaked, greeting two of his friends. He noticed the tense look on their faces and felt his eyebrows knit together. Something was wrong, “Where’s Emrik?”

      Finn and Jonah exchanged glances. Finn turned a dull gray-blue, “We don’t know, he’s been missing all day. We tried to ask Mr. Stewart where he was but couldn’t get any answers.”

      Jonah harshly gripped Tomura’s bunched up bed sheets, “The matron said he got adopted, but that’s crap. No one wants to adopt us.”

      Tomura swallowed, he could see why. Mutants weren’t exactly popular right now. He was surprised that they were even able to talk to Mr. Stewart, he usually avoided the defective like a plague. “I could try to help look for him,” he suggested.

      Finn raised an eyebrow, turning yellow with surprise, “Absolutely not, especially with how sick you’ve been the past several days.”

      “I’m feeling better today!” Tomura protested, “Hisashi got me some medicine and I can probably at least walk. I have my braces.”

      His friends looked at eachother again, having a silent conversation. He really wished they’d stop doing that. “Fine,” Jonah conceded, “But we’re staying with you. If you get hurt your brother is going to kill us.”

      Finn shuddered, “Definitely would kill us.”

      “When’s the last time you guys saw him?” Tomura asked.

      The duo seemed to mull it over for a second, “When we were playing Sorry! last night,” Jonah answered, “I remember whooping his ass at the game.” Tomura felt a pang of jealousy at being excluded but shoved it down, now was not the time.

      “I think I saw him when we were heading to bed, he seemed to fall asleep with the rest of us,” Finn said, hand on his chin, eyes pointed upwards.

      “So he must have disappeared this morning or last night,” Tomura finished for them, “Hisashi was out late last night, I’ll have to ask him if he saw anything.”

      “What was he doing, by the way?” Finn asked, “The matron was ripping him a new one at lunch, I think the people all the way down in Mexico could hear her.”

      Tomura rolled his eyes, “Apparently he was out getting me my medicine and got mugged.” Jonah shot him a disbelieving look. In a silent reply he shrugged, making a ‘what can you do?’ gesture. Tomura sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, biting the inside of his cheek as his body screamed in protest, “Just let me get dressed and get my joint braces on and we can head out.”

      “Sounds good to me,” Jonah replied, “just try not to die on your way to the bathroom. I’ll pin the blame on Finn of course, but-”

      “Hey!” Finn yelped, indignant, before lightly smacking his friend on the shoulder. This escalated into playful roughhousing as Tomura got up.

                                                -@~*^*~@-

      The trio spent the rest of the afternoon combing the once-church grounds, only resting when they had dinner, and immediately setting out to search again. The sun was setting when Tomura was looking up into the bell tower’s scaffolding, which was cast into a beautiful orange glow.

      “This is a terrible idea,” Finn said, nervously hugging his arms to his chest.They were on the second floor, which housed the staff. It was normally barred to the orphans, and almost every room was locked. Tomura was surprised they were able to get up the stairs in the first place.

      “Shut up Finn,” snarked Jonah.

      “What if the matron catches us? Or worse-”

      Tomura scanned the scaffolding, he felt a smile on his face, “I think I know how to get up there.”

      “You mean how I’ll get there,” Jonah replied.

      Tomura ignored him and moved a potted plant off of a table that had been pushed against the wall. He reached up for the first part of the scaffolding, testing to see if it would hold his weight. It probably would. Probably.

      “We don’t even know if he’s up there!” Finn protested, face pinched with worry.

      “Well,” Tomura started, “I don’t think he’s up there either, but maybe going up somewhere high will help us see something we wouldn’t from the ground. I saw it in a comic book once.”

      Jonah rolled his eyes, “Just try not to hit the bells, we don’t need all of LA coming down on our heads,” he paused, “Besides, I want to go up after you.”

      “You’re both being stupid,” Finn hissed, reddening as he did so, “What if you fall?”

      Tomura shrugged, “It’s not that high up.” Finn looked like he wanted to scream. 

      He began to climb up the bleach-white scaffolding, pausing whenever it gave a dangerous creak. A grunt slipped out of his mouth when he leaned on his arm wrong, sending pain shooting through his body. It nearly caused him to slip, but luckily he was able to regain his balance. Finally, after what felt like ages, he reached the top and propped himself up on the opening, legs dangling out over the slanted roof.

      “Wow,” Tomura breathed. It was beautiful. The rolling, golden hills of Los Angeles gleamed with the light of dusk. Distant car lights filled the main roads, making them look like gleaming candy canes. The various graffitied factories that filled their little industrial district bellowed black fog from their smokestacks that wrapped and joined together in the sky. The golden hour cast everything in shades of pinks, yellow, and red, and he found himself unable to take it all in, even though their neighborhood was far from photogenic.

      So absorbed was he in the view that he nearly fell off of the ledge when Jonah called up to him, “Do you see anything up there ‘mura?”

      Oh, right. He was supposed to be looking for clues. His dark eyes scanned the area around the orphanage grounds. Tomura frowned. “I don’t see anything weird!” he called.

      “Well then let me-”

      “Actually,” He said, cutting Jonah off, “I think I see a cleaning company van parked on the side of the road, you think Matron Abra is finally cleaning this place up? I’ve started naming the cockroaches that live in our room.”

      “Ew,” Finn blanched.

      “That doesn’t help us find Emrik,” Jonah huffed, “Now climb down from there, I want to see.”

      Tomura made his way down, feeling his stomach drop when he saw just how far up he climbed. Oops. No wonder Finn was so worried. His feet landed on the carpeted floor with a soft thud. Wordlessly, Jonah began to climb up the scaffolding, taking a slightly different route than he did.

      “What was it like up there?” Finn asked, his voice a low whisper.

      “It was nice,” Tomura replied, “Are you sure you don’t want to go up there next?”

      Finn shook his head, “I’ll leave the climbing to you guys, I’ve never liked heights.”

      “Yeah, I don’t see anything,” Jonah called down to them, “I thought you were just blind but I guess this is a dead end.”

      “Where do you think Emrik could have gone?” Tomura whispered to Finn.

      “I don’t know,” the boy replied, “Maybe he really did get adopted.”

      Jonah climbed down to the floor besides them, “No idea, but if he did get adopted I doubt they were doing it for good reasons. Maybe it was the man the Matron has us see sometimes?”

      Tomura tilted his head, giving the reptilian a quizzical look, “What man?”

      Finn blinked with surprise, “You guys don’t see him too? Must be a mutant thing.”

      Jonah gave him the side eye, “Anyways, whenever we’ve been acting up too much the matron has us see some man in a lab coat for a check up and to run some weird tests. It’s nothing really crazy, just uncomfortable.-”

      The boys froze as the stairs creaked behind them. Jonah quietly swore.

      “Run?” Finn whispered.

      “Run.” Jonah agreed.

      The trio fled down the hall and shoved themselves into a dark janitor’s closet. It smelled terrible, like excrement mingled with barely used cleaner. Jonah and Finn quietly bickered and Tomura shushed them as footsteps tapped down the hallway towards the preteens. Panic seized his throat as he remembered the potted plant abandoned on the hall floor. A click of porcelain on wood. 

      “Well that’s odd,” he heard the matron murmur. “Is anyone there?” she called.

      Tomura tightly gripped one of his friends’ hands. They were clammy with sweat. The floorboards creaked as she paced up and down the hall, doors clicking and groaning as she looked in various rooms. Silently, he prayed that she wouldn’t check the closet, that she would just pass them by. She stopped in front of the door, heeled shoes casting shadows through the sliver of light underneath it. His heart dropped in his stomach as the doorbell slowly turned. This is it, he thought, this is the moment we’re completely screwed.

      The church bells rang, signalling curfew. The matron walked away from the janitor’s closet and went down the stairs, probably to corral the other orphans. Tomura let out a sigh of relief.

      “I told you so,” Finn muttered, though it came out as more of a whimper. Jonah thwacked him upside the head, causing him to squeak with surprise.

A/N:

Unfortunately, it looks like Tumblr’s new post editor (that’s currently in Beta) might have a character limit added to text posts. Hopefully that’s not carried over onto the final release, but if it is chapters posted on here will just be AO3 links. Until then, I’ll just do what I’ve been doing! I almost didn't put a chapter out today, but I managed to get everything finished in the knick of time, thankfully. I might (?) take a week long break because school is burning me out, but it depends on how I'm feeling. Zoom University is exhausting, lmao. As always, feedback is appreciated! 

AO3