#the rewatch is going okay (like psychologically) but i think that's because i know what's coming

[ebbarights]

roman's sex thing means so much to me i am both excited to see where they will take it and scared they will fuck it up because there is no season 5 to fix it if they do

[deeply-embarrassing]

dissecting shauna's trip in "purgatory" with her son in 2x06

okay so shauna's "hallucinations" with her son are devastating. the fact she'll never be sure whether she truly held him is already a lot, but 2x06 is even worse to rewatch if you believe in three theories**:

there's a purgatory, and what the person who's between life and death experiences depends on whether "it" wants them to survive

eating/drinking in purgatory condemns you

blood has value in the wilderness

just like with jackie, purgatory for shauna and her son is sweet and believable at first. everyone is there, everything is fine. purgatory is giving shauna everything she hoped for.

except it's not. because whenever shauna tries to feed her baby, it doesn't work. why? there were food/drinks available in jackie's and lottie's purgatories. whether shauna's body could realistically produce milk doesn't matter, as she does eventually manage to breastfeed him. and her son is hungry, he's so hungry he can't stop crying.

why isn't he eating? why isn't it working? maybe her son instinctively knows he shouldn't. maybe milk is not what he's hungry for, and she's offering the wrong thing. maybe she can't produce what he needs just yet.

meanwhile the wilderness is starving, "it" needs to be fed. "it" picks the people shauna trusts the most, and portrays them as annoyed by the kid's cries (tai) or as already condemning him to death (natalie). a clever way to goad shauna into trying to feed him more insistently.

frustrated none of it works, "it" starts to break the sweet illusion, creating more shocking situations appealing to shauna's fears. lottie taking her child away, becoming the child's mother. she'll feed him (physically and psychologically), unless shauna does it first.

from that moment on, "it" makes tea available to shauna. "we need to feed": it's going to be her or the baby. the tea or the milk. however, ideally, "it" would rather have the baby: the tea is easy to miss in this scene, just sitting there, undiscussed. probably because shauna would be more useful to the wilderness.

eventually, shauna sits with her son. for the first time, she tells him that she loves him, that she's sorry she used not to. as soon as she starts speaking to him, his "hunger-induced" crying stops.

(it might be another "physical hunger as the expression of psychological hunger, of longing for love and connection" yellowjackets moment. the baby hadn't been crying for milk, in this reality, but for love. and when hunger is psychological, you can only be fed by the people whom you're connected to. jackie was given tea by the group, after shauna brought her inside. lottie was given food by laura lee. love is "psychological food", and it's portrayed as literal food in these scenes.)

so, the only one who can feed the baby is someone who loves him. shauna explicitely does, now, and she asks him to drink for her. she says it's how they'll stay together. so he does. she kills him while trying to do the opposite.

""natalie"" comes in just a few seconds later, bringing shauna tea. the kid kept refusing to drink, so it was time to make the mother truly notice the tea. but then "nat" realizes the baby is drinking: it's finally happening. it's a miracle.

"she" directly wants to "tell the others", which probably is code for informing the trapper/hunter. it echoes with "so glad you're joining us, we've been waiting for you" in jackie's purgatory, or "i think we need to get you out of here" in lottie's.

shauna is so fcused on her son that she doesn't even acknowledge the tea. in every way, her son's death saves her life. loving him, feeding him, being awed by him, saves her life.

she asks for a bit more time alone with the baby, she has no way of knowing what she's truly asking for. the attention of "nat" has completely switched, though. "she" avoids looking at shauna and is focusing on the baby, a bit shocked, a bit hungry. and though "she" protests a little, eventually "she" accepts the request. it's not evil, just hungry?

then, she wakes up next to an empty crib, the tea and the group's offerings. and the group is eating her baby: all of them, including ben, who didn't eat jackie. the baby's dead, and "it" is eating him in front of her.

blood had been spilled in this world, all over the symbol, by eating the baby. and in real life, it's been spilled through the group's blood offerings and shauna's body. "it" isn't hungry anymore. shauna wakes up in real life.

-> we're not sure whether these death sequences are "real", if there truly are "wilderness entities" manipulating them towards life or death or if their minds are making it up depending on their own wishes/fears. but if it's real, then 2x06 shows us shauna being manipulated into killing her own child right in front of us. and just like her, we'll probably never know for sure if she truly held him. if it was all just hallucinations or something else, something both better and worse.

ps: severe placenta praevia kills both the baby and the mother during childbirth if you don't do a cesarian. from a medical point of view, shauna totally should have died. either the writers didn't look it up, either the wilderness heard them ♥

(**of course, said "purgatory" or "wilderness" don't have to be real things that exist within the show's universe. these death sequences can just be a way to explore further the themes of psychological hunger and consumption, though i personally find that hard to believe. why is food what kills them in these death sequences, offered by the people they love? perhaps the idea is that hunger means you're alive. you're not meant to have everything you want, complete comfort. only death will offer you that. didn't explore that much in this post, it's a super large theme, and there are parts of shauna's "hallucinations" which i struggle to explain without supernatural elements, such as the tea or ben also eating the baby.)

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x15

I thought he lived above the diner, why was he walking in the early morning and opening up the place?...You know, maybe  it was an early morning walk...Maybe he was coming from Lorelai's house where he was in the bushes... I thought it worked for the scene for sure...Why is he walking on down the boulevard, keys swinging his keys? [Am I messing this up or was there a scene where you were waiting for her?] At night? [Yeah, outside your own diner.] Yeah, what's that about?  That's very dramatic..becuase it gave me the opportunity to act this finality of that moment and sort of go in and give up and lock the door. So that was more important than nosy continuity annoyers. You know... [And how did you feel when you realize she painted the whole place?] He had already figured out that they had done the deed right. She's already told him that.[In not such a direct way. But that was when she was in the pajamas.] He put two and two together. That's a that's a tough one. I mean, yeah, I recall really struggling with it because it's like, and you know, I mean, you talk about being at the bottom of of your feelings, there in a situation. Mean, good God, how devastating that you know he came back and they slept together and he knew it, and it's just...[Yeah, it's rough because it was right as Luke and Lorelai were having that that moment] And then and then he comes in. It's painted or halfway or three quarters painted, and it's maybe all done.... Yeah, I had to play all that stuff. So it's like grief and devastation to acceptance to.. It's like I had to go through the five stages, but it's like in reverse, like, hey, there's there's there's still some hope here, I mean, poor guy...But now he's got to deal with the fact that she she went there with him, you know, so there's that the residual effects of that that are you known, have to clean up that mess because that's going to psychologically be I mean, it's devastating. It'll take a while to get back to you know. Now now I think it puts her on different footing where it's like, okay, you know, this train was going in in the right direction and it stopped and now it's going backwards, and maybe it's the train is taken out of service using a train analogy. I swear I won't use a tunnel. There won't be a tunnel on this analogy. [She says when she's there in the pajamas, we had a date, and Luke says, it wasn't a date, it was it was just a thing.] He's he's downplaying it already. It wasn't ... The walls going up. ...And I also think he's it's like, you know, he's judging. He's being hard on himself too, because like, guy, get in the fight, get in there and get with her, close the deal. What do you know she's moving fast with like all these guys, get in there, you know, be meaningful in her life, be impactful. So it's like it's it's it's yeah, I'm sure he's hurt, but it's I think it's really a wake up call. It's like, this is life and it's moving a little faster. And she's from Hartford and she's a country club chick and you know she wants more than I have. You know that I have to offer maybe, so it's like, get in there and fight for her. -Scott

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Until We Meet Again Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. In a LONG POST, I’m writing today about New Siwaj’s incomparable drama, Until We Meet Again.]

TW: suicide, suicidal ideation, psychological trauma

Gah. I am so psyched to be finally sitting down to write my thoughts on Until We Meet Again, but I’m actually at a bit of a loss on where to start. There is SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

I think, where I can start, is to first say that this was, in my opinion, AN ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR SHOW. I did NOT expect this, at all. I’ve been around the way with New Siwaj, the UWMA screenwriter and director, a few times now for the OGMMTVC -- his writing on Love Sick, his work with Cheewin on Make It Right, and his work on MAME’s novel in Love By Chance have all been on the OGMMTVC list. I know that Between Us, the UMWA WinTeam continuation, was considered mostly a let-down for weak writing, and that New’s more recent shows, including A Boss and a Babe and Double Savage, were viewed quite critically (although I am a Double Savage apologist, for which I’ll explain my viewpoints later in this post). 

So. What I did not expect from 2019′s UWMA was to experience so many layers in a drama à la the work of Aof Noppharnach. Yes, I cannot believe I’m going here, to compare a New Siwaj drama to Aof’s oeuvre, but damn if I will, because good lord, New took his magic hat of tricks, pulled out THE GOOD STUFF, and made it all work. 

This is a list of themes that I saw in UWMA, that will help me structure this long write-up, but by no means should it be considered complete, as I’m sure I’m missing themes that you all likely caught in your watches and re-watches:

1) A new narrative structure for New -- balancing the impact of side couples by leveraging focus, equally, on two MAIN couples 2) The continuation and end of the 2019 trend of reincarnation and spiritual connections to love 3) Intergenerational queer trauma (micro-level) 4) Generational acceptance of queerness (macro-level) 5) Food and its Proustian effect on memory 6) Reflections on filial piety and the devastating effects of expectations -- and how children and parents seek redemption, particularly in New’s work

And before I even dive into THIS list, can I just say: MY GOD, FLUKE AND OHM. And Earth and Kao! But FLUKE AND OHM. Jesus, does New have an eye for talent -- from the Make It Right guys, to Perth and Saint, and then to Fluke and Ohm. I was seriously TAKEN with their chemistry. I did hear from a number of folks during my UWMA live-blogging that they can’t rewatch UWMA because of Fluke/Pharm’s rendition of the blushing maiden trope, but for my tastes -- I think the way he rendered the trope was really necessary to communicating Intouch’s story, history, and emotions, and just -- Fluke just ATE this role, my gawd. And Ohm/Dean responding in kind vis à vis Korn’s regret. YOW. It’s been a few days since I finished the show, in a total RUSH of drama hunger, and I’m still shaking my head and MARVELING at their performance.

Okay, back to the themes list. So, early in my Thai BL journey in the fall of 2022, after I had watched KinnPorsche and The Eclipse as my first two Thai BLs, I watched A Tale of Thousand Stars (way before the OGMMTVC was born), and noted that I appreciated the lack of side couples in the ATOTS storyline. I now realize, through the OGMMTVC, that side couples are both a BL trope and a byproduct of the drama styles from which BLs were born, the ensemble-based dramas like Love Sick, Senior Secret Love, and Kiss/Kiss Me Again.

New’s Make It Right -- while beloved in my heart, for the chaotic duos of TeeFuse and FrameBook -- WAS messy, with all the other couple stuff happening around it. That, along with Love By Chance, made me wonder -- why do BLs that center fabulous dyads with sizzling chemistry take away from that energy with all the side couple action? Even Together With Me, a non-New Siwaj and non-GMMTV drama, got sidelined in part with a VERY questionable side couple plot in BrightFarm.

Reflecting back on KP and The Eclipse, I had that question in mind as I started UWMA, and wondered where the Alex and WinTeam storylines were going to go. But, frankly, I ended up appreciating what NEEDED to happen with DeanPharm and KornIntouch, because -- the original novel storyline clearly demanded that these two couples, who were NOT side couples, but MAIN couples, needed a MAIN spotlight for their collective story to be told. @clairificusrex mentioned in a liveblog comment (THANK YOU, LOVELY HUMAN!) that New Siwaj benefitted in the screenplay from having a wonderful original novel to work with, and while I don’t read Y Series canon, I can only imagine that this was indeed the case.

So, New, in order to hew to the novel, had to perhaps hold back his usual instincts to muss up the main couple vibe, by centering DeanPharm and KornIntouch. With that control necessary to the story -- I think the narrative STRUCTURE of the drama just blew open. It was FASCINATING, it drew me in, and the structure allowed for another New predilection to be leveraged WELL, in his love for flashbacks. @lurkingshan, you mentioned that your taste wasn’t necessarily aligned with New’s fancy for flashbacks, which I totally understand -- I think flashbacks hurt the overall narrative structure of Double Savage earlier this year. But I think, here for UMWA, they were necessary, and I might very well be apologetic to that considering what I DID see in Double Savage by way of the story that New ended up screenwriting over there in regards to intergenerational family trauma (again, more on this later in the post).

This narrative structure lent itself handily to the next four themes on this list, all of which deal in memory, in spiritual roots, and/or in the generational passage and inheritance of trauma and emotion. 2019, as we know now, was a big year for shows themed around Thai spiritual culture and/or reincarnation. We have He’s Coming To Me, we have Dew the Movie -- we have art here, queer-centered art, that does not lend itself to happy endings, that depicts, through reincarnation or, in the case of HCTM, a ghostly purgatory, how DIFFICULT it had been to be comfortably queer and/or openly out in past and present Thailand.

And then UWMA comes along, telling TWO generational stories, intertwined by the red thread, but also, in the words of the WONDERFUL @bengiyo, connected by Korn and Intouch’s intergenerational queer trauma, the most PERFECT coinage of a theme for this show. In 1988, when Korn and Intouch die, they cannot be out. They cannot even be SECRETLY in love. Their bad dads use the foulest of language to describe their love (much like Phop’s dad in Dew). And Korn kills himself, and Intouch follows.

And what we learn, through Dean and Pharm, are the emotions, the regrets, the LEARNED BEHAVIOR that Korn and Intouch have picked up on in the afterlife, embedded in Dean and Pharm, that keeps Korn and Intouch’s love alive, with CORRECTIONS and ADJUSTMENTS made by Dean and Pharm that reflect on how not only Korn and Intouch’s love has changed and improved, but also how Dean and Pharm are learning how to love EACH OTHER, themselves, as they adjust to their OWN belonging to each other, in Pharm’s own words. GAH -- my aching heart. (Thank you to @lurkingshan for talking this through with me early on in my UWMA watch.)

I mean. THE DEPTH OF THIS. Intouch is a terrible cook, and Pharm is like, a restaurant-level chef?! Pharm is so resistant, and Dean is so FORWARD? (OHM THITIWAT, GAH!!!) (Listen. Pharm. P’Deeeean can grab MY butt, okay?) (See what I did there, @lurkingshan and @bengiyo? THANK YOOOOUU.)

And Pharm’s blushing maiden approach. Yes, I will also admit, that sometimes, it was a little cringey. But I think the blushing maiden trope was really necessary to the story -- ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT of Intouch’s anger, ciphered through Pharm in the last episode. And I think that Fluke Natouch ultimately rendered the trope beautifully -- again, especially against the gorgeous ending of the show. Oh, THAT CONDO SCENE, PEOPLE. I LOST IT. 

Of course, Intouch would want to hold back through Pharm in the present day. If Intouch DIDN’T hold back vis à vis Pharm -- he might lose Korn again, if Pharm missteps with Dean. Intouch may have felt that HIS forwardness lent to their troubles -- so Intouch holds back, through Pharm. And Intouch ultimately communicates his love for Korn differently in the afterlife, more hesitantly -- through a resistance to intimacy, and through food and cooking in Pharm, which itself was another amazing move in this show.

Listen. Even my pinned post says what I value in dramas, not just in BLs. You give me food in BL, and I give you my heart. But also, let’s talk about the meaning of food in Asian dramas for a second. It’s no coincidence that MANY Asian dramas and doramas center food, including my favorite BL of all time, Kinou Nani Tabeta/What Did You Eat Yesterday?. If you don’t know Asians, of any ilk -- let me make a BROAD continental and sub-continental judgement. ALL WE THINK ABOUT IS FOOD, lol. While I’m with my family, while I’m working, while I’m writing meta -- I’m thinking about food, I’m thinking about what I want to cook, what I want to order, how I can mix the cuisines I love (Thai-Indian curries, anyone? YUM). Malaysians literally boast about having multiple meals, way past three meals, a day. We Asians are proud of our cuisines, and we want y’all to be EATING, A LOT, and to try all our dishes. (ITSAY, your Hokkien mee is calling me...) 

But, also: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. Let me say it again: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. You FEED the people you LOVE, with delicious food. Shiro and Kenji. Kurosawa and Adachi. The guys in Jack o’Frost. The guys in The Eighth Sense. Omg, even Kinn and Porsche. We’re seeing it in Tokyo In April Is... And Pharm, to Dean, Intouch to Korn.

And BESIDES Intouch/Pharm becoming a great cook, GOD, the story ALSO INCLUDED the Proustian reference of the madeleine and involuntary memory -- but in SUCH a stunning way, as to RECALL DEAN’S FAMILIAL MEMORY of eating his grandmother’s Thai desserts -- his grandmother, Intouch’s sister, and how Dean could get an indirect spotlight into Intouch and a depth of an understanding of Intouch’s happiness besides his love for Korn. And how Pharm EMBODIED that love for Thai desserts through Intouch’s family lineage. Oh, just get me MESSY, PEOPLE. FUCKING GENIUS SHIT. 

Memory on memory on memory. Dream on dream, nightmare on nightmare, tears and red threads, inherited trauma, intergenerational trauma. The micro-level of what Dean and Pharm had to live with on a daily basis in their recollections of Korn and Intouch. The macro-level of what Pharm and Dean experienced when all of their parents accepted them for who they were as queer individuals, and their partners, as well. How Dean’s dad could ACTUALLY RELATE to Dean himself, because Dean’s dad had been rejected by Dean’s mother’s family. And how that ALLOWED Dean’s dad to accept Dean and his choice to be with Pharm. How that trauma was relieved, how Dean and Pharm DID NOT HAVE TO PHYSICALLY RELIVE what Korn and Intouch had gone through, and how those involuntary memories that Dean and Pharm carried vis à vis Korn and Intouch traumatized them until Dean and Pharm could RECEIVE their OWN familial acceptance.

The LAYERS OF THIS SHOW. Before I get to the last theme on my list, I really just need to metaphorically slam my palms on an allegorical table and give New Siwaj a huge hug, because THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY TO PROCESS ALL AT ONCE, and I can’t wait to do a UWMA rewatch to try to catch more (and I’ll likely need to write another meta, ha, when I do that). I mean, again, just to use food as an example of a kind of storytelling TOOL to INDICATE memory, especially in the context of lost and found love, of intergenerational trauma and relieving regret -- BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT.

And. The last theme on the list, the theme of filial piety, of Asian family systems and devotion and loyalty and expectations, and the devastating effects on the micro-individual level (and even the macro-social level as well) that those expectations can have. 

So, I watched Double Savage, screenwritten by New Siwaj, out of order from UWMA. Very quickly, since many of you have likely NOT watched Double Savage because it’s not a BL (but it DID have Ohm Pawat and Perth Tanapon in a hose-off scene -- you can’t take the New Siwaj out of New Siwaj, amirite): Double Savage is about Korn (Ohm P.), a middle son who is branded a jinx by a HORRENDOUS Thai-Chinese father, and how the abuse leveled on Korn by his dad has intergenerational ripple effects across their family and community. 

Let’s break this down. I now know that New Siwaj does bad dads from Thai-Chinese lineage very well. UWMA’s Korn is expected to take over a mafia business. His dad is disapproving that Korn doesn’t want to take over the business -- which is an UNQUESTIONABLE and EMBEDDED expectation in most Asian family lineages (hello, Jeng and Step By Step) -- AND Korn’s dad is ALSO disapproving in Korn’s love for Intouch and vice versa. Separately, Intouch’s dad is disapproving that Intouch is in love with Korn, a mafia scion. 

Modern times are modern for a reason. 1988 was 31 years from 2019. I want to emphasize here the understanding that Korn and Intouch likely had -- that besides running away, there was no other existence for them to be together than to kill themselves and be together in the afterlife. And running away, and still living and existing, would have been a guilt-ridden and dangerous existence, for what Asian children are expected to do and live for vis à vis their parents. Korn likely HAD NO OTHER IMAGINATION for a life that he could live OTHER THAN to take over his father’s business and to be a heteronormative adult in the late 1980s. And, to top that all off, both of their dads were fucking assholes. 

I really liked how this was juxtaposed to the relationship between Dean and his father. Dean was clearly set up to be as stubborn as his dad. Meaning, at least to me -- that Dean was FAR less likely to be told what to do by his dad, that Dean would and maybe COULD, stand up to his dad. We didn’t see it happen, but I could have imagined Dean not accepting “no” for an answer from his dad to accept Pharm. (Makes you think about Pat, Pran, and Ming, no?) Dean had Korn in him. Dean/Korn was NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT SHIT AGAIN, and that was CLEAR. I want to emphasize: THAT’S BIG. That was BIG on New Siwaj and the UWMA novel writer to include that in the story. That’s parental defiance. That needed to happen in order for Dean and Pharm to survive. As an Asian, that gives me a kick of welcome energy.

But I also really want to note what New Siwaj did at the end of the show, something so deft, it might have left non-Asian viewers wondering what was going on. In the condo scene, Dean and Pharm are ciphering Korn and Intouch -- and when Korn’s father shows up in the wheelchair, Korn’s father knows what’s happening.

And Korn apologizes to his dad. Korn had already apologized to Intouch, but Korn also apologizes to his dad, and to his brother, and to his nephew in Sin. This really gets me, y’all, I understand this as an Asian. Korn is APOLOGIZING for the PAIN he caused in his family AND in Intouch, because -- filial piety. He knows what he did to himself was devastating to the Asian family system he was born into, to the Asian society he was born into, and he apologized for the suicide he committed unto himself that caused that extra-social pain. 

Like. As crazy as that sounds, it’s also an INCREDIBLY SOPHISTICATED way to ACKNOWLEDGE that Korn had broached a social boundary, and Intouch had followed him. THAT IS A HELL OF A LAYER TO ADD TO THIS STORY, ONE THAT I DID NOT EXPECT, and that SHOOK ME at the end of this series.

A similar situation happened in Double Savage. Despite the horrendous psychological abuse that Double Savage’s Korn received from his father -- an adult Korn ends up apologizing to his father for the trouble that HE may have caused. Now, what I appreciated about Double Savage was that THAT dad was like -- no, no, *I* should be the one apologizing. BUT, I want to indicate and emphasize here, that BOTH storylines acknowledge that Asian children NEED to know, SHOULD know, ARE BORN TO KNOW, that their actions have collective effects on a wider family system. We are born to understand and think like that. We are not dealing with an individualist Western perspective here. (I literally FLIPPED when I realized that New Siwaj has had MULTIPLE CHARACTERS NAMED KORN APOLOGIZING TO BAD DADS, and I’m an Asian over here UNDERSTANDING WHY, and I’m just like, pfffftt GGGAAAHHHH.)

Why am I harping on this? BECAUSE: vis à vis EVERYTHING ELSE that is lineage-based in this story -- from children being born, to intergenerational trauma, to reincarnation -- UWMA is structured around an über-macro theme of worlds being linked, by threads, by genes, by history, by spirit, by trauma. We are collectively linked. Babies are born -- we saw many babies in this show. Children belong to families. Lovers belong to lovers. Dean PHYSICALLY belongs to Intouch’s family, and Pharm to Korn’s family. A happy existence will be when a family accepts a child’s partner. Happiness is in a family growing, not a family shrinking. Warmth and growth and love happens when a happy family sits at a table and eats together. 

As Pharm says at the end of the show -- oh, my HEART -- “I belong to Dean.” Yes, you do -- because you have become Dean’s family, and Dean has become Pharm’s family. Korn’s family BELONGS to Intouch’s family, and vice versa. They are destined, MEANT to be linked together, AND TO BE FAMILY, ALL TOGETHER.

Kurosawa and Adachi become family in the Cherry Magic movie. WDYEY’s Shiro and Kenji become family by way of living and eating together. Even if BBS’s Ming doesn’t acknowledge Pran -- Pran is Ming’s family. LOVE. MAKES. FAMILY.

What Korn apologized for was the impact his decision had on his family — WHILE HE WAS IN LOVE WITH INTOUCH, WHO KORN’S FAMILY WAS NOT ALLOWING KORN TO MAKE AS KORN’S NEW FAMILY in the 1980s. Korn was able to apologize in the afterlife — BECAUSE Dean and Pharm DID WHAT HE AND INTOUCH COULD NOT DO, by way of generations, by way of family acceptance, by way of inherited trauma and STOPPING that inherited trauma in its tracks -- very much like Pat and Pran banding together and doing the same for themselves. Dean and Pharm did the hard work of making the relationship a real one, in every aspect of their intimate, micro-level family lives, to a public, external existence in the world. Korn could FINALLY experience the release of GUILT he had towards Intouch and towards Korn’s family, now that Korn’s love for Intouch could FINALLY flourish outside the constraints of filial piety through Dean. THIS IS HUGE. I have no words to tell you what the BRILLIANCE of this means to me as an Asian. LOVE MAKES FAMILY, and LOVE THAT IS ALLOWED TO FLOURISH GIVES YOU THE RELEASE TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF. 

Dean had learned from the inherited trauma that he got from Korn that he needed to stop the trauma train in his tracks, and he did, and he confronted his father, and his father blessed the union of Dean and Pharm. When Dean took the gun away from Pharm, and embraced Pharm, Korn and Intouch KNEW that they could finally be safe in the afterlife. Dean and Pharm were the ciphers that finally ALLOWED Korn and Intouch to exist happily together in spirit. Korn, especially, could exist freely, now that he was relieved of his guilt. Dean and Pharm were, LITERALLY, Korn and Intouch’s FAMILY -- the FAMILY that ALLOWED the FINAL RELEASE for Korn and Intouch to be together as their true selves and spirits. 

And Dean and Pharm confirmed that in FRONT of the family member, in Korn’s father, that had originally caused all this pain. The intricate layers, communicated to a primarily Asian audience, of Korn apologizing to his father, and then of Dean embracing Pharm and confirming their love AND Korn and Intouch’s love, in front of that former barrier -- that is GROWTH and FLOURISHING in the face of generational defiance, and about as sophisticated and eloquent a communication of familial transcendence as I could possibly imagine seeing in Asian drama art. WHOA. I’m a little out of breath with this.

Wow. And speaking of being one’s true self: I deeply loved that Dean and Pharm took a three-month break. I loved that Pharm was smart and strong enough to demand a break to understand if DEAN and PHARM -- INDEPENDENT of ANYTHING they had INHERITED from ANYONE -- actually loved each other and belonged together. Fuck. Pharm was like, no -- this one’s on me. I need to see, outside of ANY INFLUENCES, FROM ANYONE, ANYWHERE -- if I love Dean, if Dean loves me, and if we belong together. Brave. Badass.

AND, I truly loved how Korn and Intouch -- DEAN AND PHARM’S FAMILY -- came BACK to Dean and Pharm’s dreams to offer thanks. I loved how, in the end, the past and his family came back to give Pharm that little contextual nudge to say to Pharm, it’s okay to love Dean for Dean, AND to love how you two came together, through Korn and Intouch. And Pharm could acknowledge, finally, that he belonged to Dean. God damn.

This story was so multilayered, SO complex, SO filled with a respect for love at its highest and most complicated levels. This story was filled with CRITICAL SCRUTINY towards Asian family systems and the trauma that those systems can render. This story was filled with an acknowledgement for the power of LOVE that those same family systems can offer unto children who NEED pillars of love and support (Pharm’s mom and brother, badasses!). 

Y’ALL. I just, I DID NOT KNOW that New Siwaj could DO THIS! I know that UWMA is considered his best show, but like, this is his best show BY A LOT, A LOT. Double Savage, in contrast, had a lot of narrative and structural issues that detracted from the core stories of filial piety that were ultimately very important to tell. 

UWMA did not fall into that trap. It was SMART, it MOVED (FOR SEVENTEEN EPISODES! I SLAMMED THIS SERIES! I could have watched MORE, I cannot believe I’m SAYING THAT!), it was. It was just BRILLIANT. It was an ode to romantic love, to family love, to the power of memory. In 2019, it joined He’s Coming To Me in a burgeoning echelon of cinema-influenced BLs in storytelling, soon to be joined by I Told Sunset About You, ATOTS, and others. It took the sad endings of He’s Coming To Me and Dew the Movie and said -- not today. Today, we will let love LIVE, let QUEER LOVE live, in REAL LIFE, in REAL TIME, and we will not let our lovers live in regret. We will take queer love, we will give queer love FAMILY, and we will give it the HONOR IT DESERVES.

Until We Meet Again is a must-watch of the highest order, and goes on the shortlist of shows that I will refer to as one that makes me proud to be an Asian. It was easily one of the most important shows I’ve watched in this project. All credit to New, Fluke, Ohm, Earth, and Kao for a PHENOMENAL experience -- my heart and mind have been bettered because of this show. 

[FLUKE. AND. OHM. Fluke and Singto coming thru in Shadow the Series? Sign me the FUCK up. Actors on actors. WOW. Did UWMA ever introduce me to another crop of dudes who can fucking tear up a screen. I had SO much fun watching UWMA, whew!

And, yep. I had to follow this up with 2gether, ha. I’m going to spare myself a little pain, if y’all don’t mind, and combine my write-up of 2gether with Still 2gether. I know there’s a lot to be said about the lack of intimacy in 2G, which I can’t wait to dive into, but I can’t help but to also run into another wall of analysis with dear P’Aof’s work in S2G. I’ll make it all work!

After I get myself together with 2gether (HA) -- it’s ITSAY time. I will be planning on watching ITSAY TWICE before writing, as I’m preparing myself to catch EVERYTHING I can before I pen words. Stay tuned.

Status of the list below. As always -- if you have feedback, send it my way!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 11) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love -- will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 14) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (not a BL or an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 15) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 16) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020)  17) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (watching) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) 20) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 22) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 23) Lovely Writer (2021) 24) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 25) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 26) Not Me (2021-2022) 27) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 28) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 29) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 30) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 31) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 32) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 33) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 34) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 35) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 36) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 8

having just rewatched S1 with my sister (and even while genuinely, actually looking at the screen instead of putting the show on in the background while multitasking), it is so wild to see tomjake in this season as opposed to S1. like, Jake is more or less correct here: although Ellie's meddling and Tom's own dumb moments are also to blame, it was mostly his fault that the relationship fizzled out. how far they've come, to where Tom is the rash fool and Jake is the (mostly) rootable victim...

i KNEW homegirl would be idol hunting this episode.

absolutely baller comeback from Tess. i doubt they increased the prize money from $1mil to $3mil just for this exchange, but what a power move if they did.

if anyone (in the audience) truly believes that Tom has a real boyfriend at this point...

this was a weird ass way to phrase it but okay Emily pop off i guess.

ooh, time for Yul's psychological issues? 👀

wait, isn't Emily hired by the show, not Yul? how would Yul be able to fire someone under Kristal's employment? is this just Yul firing her from the unofficial job of watching over his image, or is it a soft confirmation that Emily has been hired directly by Yul('s manager) all along?

i'm so desperate for Fiore and Alec to like each other again that i'll be happy with literally any vaguely positive note they end on, as long as it's not hating each other. i still hope that All Stars will be able to acknowledge and expand upon their relationship a little more in upcoming episodes, but if this is the end, at least we know that Alec was trying to have her back one last time.

forgive me if i'm wrong, but, would going to space really trigger someone's fear of heights? like, the "heights" are on such a high scale and there are so many other things to be worried about that i feel like your brain wouldn't really process it as "gee i'm going really high up." still, it's always interesting to see how Kristal has more of an established relationship with her (S2) campers. it makes sense, but it does seem like she's not afraid to show her bias in that way.

damn, Trevor must get paid a LOT! even if the vehicle didn't actually take them to space, it's still a huge building with many rooms that can actually fly. makes me wonder how much the producers/hosts are getting paid. (i understand this was just a joke line but it is technically canon now)

this line was only mildly funny to me, but Ally's face is great. she really hasn't had to spend any notable time around Gabby before. get ready for it, girl, because you'll probably be on the same merge tribe sooner or later.

oh dang, he's directly asking Kristal out.

this was an interesting response, especially with Kristal's later agreement to go upon hearing that they had a pool table. Kristal could have either been letting him down gently, or have genuinely not realized that this is flirting. i think it's the latter. that leaves the door open for Kristal potentially reciprocating Derek's feelings later down the line... also, where the hell is Oliver?!

Tess proves that she can be the goth gf AND the gamer gf. step aside, Ally.

they've done SUCH a good job of making Yul continuously pay for his actions this season as opposed to S2; it makes me like him way more. the fact that Alec is the one handing out the punishments just makes it all the sweeter.

ALEC DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE!! (is that an outdated meme/saying at this point?)

while Jake is still mostly at fault for this conflict, i do like how they're making sure that Ally isn't just an innocent victim, too. she's stooping down to Jake's level of childishness instead of being the bigger person and handling things maturely. it makes both of them and their conflict feel more well-rounded, even if it makes them more annoying as well, lol.

Trevor was right; this particular iteration of the space challenge, at least, is bad. the fact that the Cyan team (Aiden by extension) got literally no advantages or head starts from arriving to this room first means that the first half of the challenge didn't matter at all. even if there's the Survivor saying that "it all comes down to the puzzle," the physical challenges beforehand can at least give one team a head start at looking over the pieces. as it turns out, fucking around on the ship was just a waste of time. it diminished my enjoyment of the episode a little :( (sorry for being a downer)

glad we're revisiting Aiden and Riya's relationship a little more, probably in preparation for them reuniting at the merge. given that Jake and Riya both don't like Aiden, i wonder if they could gather their allies (Ashley, Alec, Yul, Grett) to fuel an Aiden elimination soon.

Emily has to be gay right (/j)

this staging is really great at quickly visualizing the dynamics on each team, and may be foreshadowing for future events. the Yellow Team has completely shut Riya out, with Yul not even being visible, but Alec is still smiling at her from inside. not leaving the door open for Riya will actually waste Yellow's time, but they're so eager to win the challenge that they've actually made things harder for themselves. Magenta leaves the door open for Jake, with Ashley's face expectant and unobstructed, while Ally has retreated inside. despite their disagreements, the Cyan team all waits for Aiden outside, not even opening their door until he gets back. the storyboard artists for DC are a talented group!

Jake, too, is making his case for the villains' alliance.

i liked this sort of rationale from Tess; it feels in character with how they're portraying her this season. i also hadn't considered it as a reason why they would be steadily ramping up Ellie's villainy even as a pre-merge boot. but like... she's totally right.

THEY'RE SO CUTE!!!!! thank god the writers didn't decide to destroy gabbellie this season. instead, it seems to be a basis to set up something even greater...

I'M SO GLAD THAT THIS IS THE DIRECTION THEY'RE TAKING GABBY'S CHARACTER!!! i thought it would be a really good idea, but i didn't know if the writers would wind up taking that path. but it looks like we may be getting our true "explosive girl" back now that Ellie is gone, and i couldn't be more excited. i just know it's going to lead to something buckwild.

... wait what do you mean Ellie isn't doing the patreon reads? is she going to be the real returning player?!

for a somewhat disappointing challenge (for the reasons i described earlier), i'm really happy with this elimination and the direction they're taking the season. some sort of merge or tribe swap has to be happening soon, right? that next episode trailer can't come soon enough!

[purgemarchlockdown]

An exploration of Amane Momose and the system of Milgram.

(Note: At the time of writing I have not listened/read all the voice dramas yet so if anything in there contradicts what I'm saying my apologies. Still please do read this because I think these are conclusions you can draw from the music and I'm mainly focusing on that.)

(Edit: Got some typos out, apologies for that!) (CWs: Cults, Child Abuse, Suicide Mention.)

I Adore Momose Amane, I saw the 12 year old cultist and thought “That’s my favorite.” I’ve rewatched Magic more times than I can count, and I’m patiently waiting for The Purge March. Amane Momose is my Favorite Character in this whole series.

One of the things I like the most about Amane is her psychology. Amane is a child who grew up in a cult, and was most likely born into it, she doesn't know anything else, except that anything outside of it is Bad and Evil. In Her T1 Drana she considers Milgram a possible avenue for justice and righteousness. A way for the "higher standards of morality" to come and give divine punishment.

If we're peeling back what she's saying here, she's roughly saying. "I want there to be a god that can prove my righteousness" This goes back into her "good girl" complex and abuse. Amane wants to be a good girl, she wants so so hard to be a good girl. She Wants to be obedient and devoted and the goodest good girl there is. However she isn't. Multiple scenes in Magic hint to this, Amane loses the game show and gets punished for it, she's constantly asking if she's worthy, and constantly promises that she'll be good, she asks if its okay to be "weak." Amane Momose is Not A Good Girl, and to some extent she's aware of this. Adding onto that, she knows that helping the cat isn't what she's supposed to do, you can see it in the MV, she is off on her own, hiding away from everyone else, she looks startled and scared when she gets found out. Amane Momose Knows Very Well That She Is Not Supposed To Do This and Did It Anyway.

Amane Momose is an abused child who wants proof that she is a Good Girl. She wants proof that she shouldn't be Punished. The Unforgiven Verdict for her isn't just her ideals being rejected. It's her being told that she Should be Punished, that she Is Not A Good Girl. Something that is a common theme in her character.

Now I know it seems strange that Amane antagonizes Es in this context but it's common for abuse victims to retreat back into the abuse if they feel threatened, even if nothing bad is happening.

Because abuse and the emotions associated with it became the norm. The expectation of abuse is set up, it's become routine. We can also see this in Magic. While Amane accepts the abuse as something she "needs" to grow, the lines of the song are her wanting to Not be hurt, and trying to avoid it. Even when Amane is "safe" she is expecting punishment, and as such acts in a way that minimizes the risk of punishment.

Not meaning to brag but I’m pretty happy I’ve made up my mind so they don’t make that face at me again

Continuing off of that, cults promote an Us vs Them mentality to isolate their victims, because cults (and abusers as a whole) need their victims to rely on them for support and any outside influence will threaten the control they have over the person.

Amane is hypervigilant and has a rigid Us vs Them mentality. She antagonizes Es because Es exists outside the cult, but also because she feels threatened, she was Already Retreating into her cult mentality since the start. The Unforgiven verdict just pushed her farther into it. She retreats into her cult because it provides an illusion of comfort. She knows how its going to go.

I'm stating all of this to go: Amane is Not going to improve in Milgram, because Milgram is not designed to make these characters improve.

Here's a line from ES in Amane's T1 voice drama:

(Credit: onigiriico fan translation of the Voice Drama)

Amane: Hm. But if you’re the warden, as you say, shouldn’t you take the prisoners’ opinions into consideration? Es: Don’t make me laugh. I’m not your teacher at school; it isn’t my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path. Milgram’s goal isn’t to turn you back into decent human beings and get you back into normal society. What is needed here is firm, honest judgment and decisions

Es states it directly. Milgram is not designed to help these people, not any of that. But Amane is the clearest example. Amane is both someone with a very rigid cult mentality and someone who was abused. She wants to be told she is right, she wants to be told she is a good girl. Because that means she's fully devoted to her god and that there is no reason to punish her.

On the flipside tell her she's wrong and she'll violently retreat back into her cult's ideals for comfort. As stated abuse victims tend to retreat back into the abuse because it's familiar, and Amane retreats back into it because it provides a source of comfort.

The forgiven and unforgiven verdicts and the punishment unforgiven dishes-out enforce this. Even if we forgave her in the first round, the way abuse and cults affect a person's mind means that Amane cannot be helped like this. The way Milgram Is Structured feeds Into Amane's hypervigilance, rigid thinking and want to be a "good girl."

Amane cannot grow in Milgram because it is not designed to make her grow, same with everyone else here. Milgram is not designed to make these people get better, it's designed to determine who should be punished.

Characters like Mahiru, where it's all but confirmed that she didn't actually commit murder but acted in a way that might of lead to her partner's suicide are still judged (and in Mahiru's case, Punished) for those actions. This does not help Mahiru's clear issues in navigating relationships, nor does it "deliver justice."

This system is not made to help anyone.

Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world! Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

[cuppachar]

Rewatching jamie in early season 1 is so hard cause like. I wish they knew what he was going through. I remember being young and hurting and so mean because of it. And it was so not okay of me. But also, I'd see everyone else allowed to be silly and sensitive and emotional and mediocre and I wasn't allowed to be anything but tough, and it made me so mad. And I just want to hug him and tell him I get it, and that it's gonna be okay.

Hi Anon

Thank you for that insight and hearing your experience.

I get you completely - re-watching S1 just reminds me that we do not know what's going on inside other people or know what has happened to them. I think it's why I love that scene with Roy in S3 where he's doing the press conference after Isaac's aggression to the abusive football fan.

'to do what he did today, even though it was wrong, I give him love.'

Knowing some of Jamie's background (and I wish we got more to be honest, but's an ensemble cast with multiple characters who have complex issues and/or dynamics, so it's limited in that regards) and seeing S1 again, it's such a different viewing and understanding of a character and makes Jamie so much more human and real. Jamie isn't just a prick. He's a prick with trauma and reasons.

I don't see cocky prick Jamie who thinks he's best who never passes because everyone else is shit - I see Jamie, who's terrified of what his dad will do to him if he isn't dominant.

I don't see a Jamie who doesn't celebrate his teammate's birthdays and eat cake - I see a Jamie who's been told to treat his teammates as 'assists' and has diet plans that don't include cakes or pastries because he has a weight he needs to keep.

I don't see a Jamie who doesn't want to greet his new teammate - I see Jamie, who flinches at fast movements and doesn't trust easily. I see a Jamie who's realised he's not their only ace anymore, and that terrifies him because of the implications that may have with his father (Imagine the writers hadn't gone down the rehab route for James Tartt Snr in S3 and how Zava's introduction and place in the team would have caused some serious consequences for Jamie, both psychologically and physically).

I don't see the Jamie who cockily refuses to 'practice' - I see a Jamie who shifted into 'I don't like angry men shouting at me' (and at some point pre-canon, I imagine Jamie's hero-worship of Roy was destroyed and tainted when he met 'Shouty, I don't give a shit-Roy-Kent And I'll take out my negative emotions on you, even if you deserve it or not' and Jamie's poster hero , who he'd imagined stepping out of the wall and putting his dad through the said wall was gone and Jamie's automatic response was to be a prick in defence/offence.)

I don't see a Jamie who brought two dates to the auction - I see a Jamie who wasn't sure if he could get Keeley to bid on her own boyfriend, so he brought another plus one instead, terrified that he'd have to have sex with an older woman like those ladies behind the glass windows in Amsterdam. Watching that episode back really icks me out, and seeing Jamie's response back when I first watched it, you could mistake Jamie's reaction to both Keeley and Roy's 'teasing' as Jamie just being mocked and teased, but re-watching it, I see a Jamie who's really uncomfortable with the attention he's getting and upset at his rival and girlfriend cruelly mocking him (of course, they don't know about his experience in Amsterdam) but I'm always struck at how Jamie walks away from the table, from the both of them, because he's upset (and it kind of hits me even more, 'cause I think that Jamie doesn't even know why he's so upset with how much he's suppressed the memory, the implication of what his father orchestrated despite his tender age).

Although, I think they could have had a bit more Jamie and Ted interaction or reflection on Jamie's relationship with his father and/or trauma (because there did seem to have link to Ted's panic attacks, especially when you consider Ted's panic attack during the match in S2, because you can hear Jamie's dad verbally abusing Jamie from the S1 final as Ted spirals, which was really interesting and I only realised this recently) I really do appreciate Ted's "I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that's being alone and being sad. Ain't no one in this room alone" sentiment, but I just really wished he'd reached out to Jamie, because Jamie wasn't just alone and sad, he was scared and traumatised, and although he didn't verbalise it in S2, he obviously had no safe places or people he felt he could turn to, so he not only left the profession he loves, he left the country.

Anyway, my ramble is over.

In summary, you only really get a better understanding of Jamie by re-watching Season 1 and seeing him in a different light after watching S2/S3.

[overobsessedfanboy23]

Guys, I solved Ryoken

He doesn't actually hate the Ignis.

He hates that his dad cared more about them than him.

Think about it, he has valid reasons to think that, like when his dad says this shit in response to Ryoken asking him if killing all the Ignis hurts:

To his face, he's told that his death would hurt his father just as much as the Ignis's deaths would yet later, or perhaps before this scene, his father also told him that if all else fails, he should start up the Tower of Hanoi and kill himself and everyone he cares about to destroy the Ignis. So in an indrect way, what he actually says, to his own fucking son, is that Ryoken's death means even less to him than the Ignis's deaths.

Not to mention the fact that Ryoken spent years of his life up to this point being neglected by his father in favour of the Ignis. Six months of that was him torturing children, which 8 year old Ryoken witnessed. Reporting it put his father in jail for three years:

Then he immediately dies after being released from prison and reveals that during his time there, he finished creating the Ignis:

So to find out a mere two years after this that the Ignis he created were, from their point of view, definitely gonna rise up and kill all of humanity, probably pissed him off. He's been neglected for at least five years in favour of these Ignis. It's not directly stated but honestly, the fact that he was willing to go along with the Tower of Hanoi, and that even after his father is gone, he still clings to his words and beliefs, makes me very certain that Ryoken was neglected and emotionally/psychologically abused.

That I think is the true reason why he hates the Ignis. He doesn't realise it and that's why even after so many seemingly obvious loud signs throughout season 2 that his racist view of them was unjustified, he didn't change his mind. Or rather, he did:

Yeah, okay I go back and forth on this scene and I'm back to thinking it meant something when on the surface, it really does just feel like it was retconned by season 3, but HEAR ME OUT! For this one moment, when he thought he was dying, he did change his mind. He did let go of his bitterness and hate, if just for Ai since he knew Ai and Playmaker would have what it took to defeat Bohman and save humanity, since they'd done it before.

It was when he came back from being dead and the threat was gone that his stubborn pride and anger took over again. Not once did any of the constant "you're wrong" clues in season 2 ever get to the heart of the real issue. If anything, it's worse now. He's still obsessed with his father's legacy, he never got over that, and recently discovered that Lightning was the real murderer of his father. Of course he's spouting bullshit like this:

Even if he may deep down have been starting to think the Ignis may not be a threat anymore at this point (I don't know if I fully believe that, I'll have to rewatch season 3), he's not going to express that because that would mean his father was wrong, his father who put more attention into the Ignis than his own son. Besides, I wouldn't put it past Ryoken to lie through his teeth about his more vulnerable emotions at this point. After all, he said THIS while fighting for the fallen Hanoi:

Fucking liar.

Maybe all of this sounds too much like headcanon or tin foil hat territory but honestly it makes more sense to me than any other interpretation I've personally had about Ryoken. It genuinely answers so many of the frustrating questions I've had for... a year now, good lord that I'm adopting this as headcanon even if everyone disagrees.

Still doesn't justify how Duel Links wrote him in his event though.

It does make me forgive season 3 just a little bit though, I don't know, I haven't rewatched it yet. I'll update this if something I rewatch in season 3 changes anything.

[keepmeinmind-01]

rewatched the ministry corridor scene and while it does have its flaws (i.e., what the hell is going on and how come this doesn’t really matter), i really like how they made newt prickly and theseus (awkwardly) affectionate there. I think it’s so interesting. like newt is compassionate and friendly to everyone but a bit standoffish to theseus. theseus is distant from most people and pretty reserved but affectionate towards newt. the contradictions!

like i know i write them with a bagful of problems that complicates this, and this scene was also charged by the credence discussion—but hey, let’s pretend for a moment it’s just set neutrally, and forgive me for writing my own subtext that’s actually not subtext.

I love prickly newt and affectionate theseus.

in short, I like the idea that maybe newt just doesn’t like theseus very much at that point, because i sort of relate to placing distance between myself and other people for no tangible reason. it feels like such a good character flaw. being sweet and compassionate but also just that little bit defensive. and even more interesting for newt’s psychology if it’s not a cut and dry situation and perhaps it’s even a little arbitrary, rather than super deep. like maybe he just doesn’t want to be around theseus, he just wants to leave; it’s not because he has a history where he hates theseus or because he loves leta. it’s just that he doesn’t like theseus in that moment, even though theseus is (according to david heyman, which you’d have to squint to see) finding middle ground. like maybe theseus is doing all the things that are technically right, but newt is just being prickly because at that moment, he /is/ prickly.

I feel like a core thing in their relationship is a certain amount of irrationality because of the distance. like newt pushes theseus away for /some/ reasons but he also doesn’t know why. and theseus keeps persisting in this very limited way with this somewhat one track mind and still doesn’t /quite/ break out of it. maybe they have many other reasons, but when it comes to a quick interaction, this is just “what happens.” perhaps not because theseus has ever been particularly mean, or newt has ever done whatever that equivalent is back, but just because they’re both so unsure with one another.

idk…i wish i could articulate it better, but i really like it, I don’t know why. I feel somewhat represented by the fact that newt at his core is compassionate and gentle, but doesn’t come across as “nice” all the time when he’s uncomfortable or unsure, and perhaps sometimes that’s just how he is. like maybe newt is being a little “mean” to an observer, because he’s not perfect, but theseus keeps pushing on: because in the end being a /little/ prickly and mean sometimes is /okay/. you can be a cinnamon roll-style character and not always extend eternal love and sunshine to everyone all the time, because it’s hard to work like that.

this part is slightly tangential, but, like, i think i am autistic, and sometimes, even though my family are fine, i can’t bear to talk to them, or anyone at all. i like to think newt has days like that, where he’s snippy and a bit unfair/resentful and quietly prickly and desperate to retreat, but we (and all the characters) love him anyway. :,)

[fategoflatass]

underappreciated series i recommend

it was my birthday not too long ago, and i decided it was a good idea to make a list recommending some series that i thought some of you would like. wanted to do nineteen animangas because of nineteen years, but that's too much work lol.

↪ ashita, watashi wa dareka no kanojo ; drama · romance

i started this one not long ago, and i don't regret it. reminds me of kuzu no honkai in the way it shows you how far people can go to feel acepted, to feel loved (even though what they get may not be love at all). people that are so insecure about themselves and how they deal with their situation, being in a healthy or unhealthy way. a series i would recommend to anyone who's looking for a more dramatically realistic (?) story.

↪ demi-chan wa kataritai ; comedy · sol · supernatural

a cutsie, simple slice of life about a teacher and his demi (half monster) students. in exchange of spending time with them and helping them with school, he gets to interview them and honestly? it is quite interesting. it may be me being a supernatural lover, but who knows. if you need something to fill that soft void, this show's for you.

↪ fantasy bishoujo juniku ojisan to ; adventure · comedy · fantasy · romance

can we talk about this show being one of the most entertaining things that came out on winter 2022? it's a show about two childhood friends who get transported to a fantasy world where one of them gets turned into the girl of his dreams, insults the goddess that gave him a "second chance" (he was hella drunk, she thought he was dead) as a woman, and she decides to curse them. since she's the goddess of love and some other stuff, they're like "oh fuck, she made us fall in love with each other" because they suddenly feel attracted to each other, but one of the guys already had a crush on his friend way before they reincarnated???? and now every single guy they find in their way falls for the now cute girl?????? and they have to control the og pining guy so he controls his hormones and stops getting 'seduced' by his friend????????? the only show were i thought op characters (kinda) were fun. a must watch.

↪ genderless danshi ni aisareteimasu. ; romance · sol

just another cutsie sol, but now it's about a girl and her boyfriend who's actually an androgynous influencer! their relationship is one of the cutest things i've seen in my entire life. haven't read the manga in a while, but i remember myself loving the art style. it's an slice of life, there's not much for me to say about it besides please read it.

↪ hakata tonkotsu ramens ; action · mystery

this show i should rewatch. it's a show about assasins who play baseball, like. do you need anything else? no, but seriously. it's actually pretty fun, but it has sadly been forgotten as one forgets a seasonal show that has been just 'okay'. i'm telling you, this one is not just 'okay'. c'mon. it also touches some serious themes, it's all pretty well balanced in my opinion. you'll end up falling for, at least, two or three characters.

↪ ID: INVADED ; drama · mystery · psychological · sci-fi · thriller

i never got to talk about this show, and my mind is kinda foggy, but damn i love this show. the first thing i mention when talking about it is the concept of the id well; it's supposed to be a representation of the criminal's mind and trust me when i say everything, everything has a reason as to why is there or being shown like that. it's kinda like the meaning of dreams? i'm such a fan of it. besides that, i really like the story and characters and think that more people should give it a chance.

↪ just because! ; drama · romance · sol

started this series because it gave me ao no flag vibes, and it ended up being nothing like that, but i still enjoyed it. is a show about teens being teens and having crisis about friendships, love and college. especially relatable if your teenage years were as chaotic as these guys. also, there's a cat called puta. do you need any other reason or?

↪ kanojo to kanojo no neko: everything flows ; romance · sol

i've seen people talk about the manga, but not about the show for some reason? in my case i read/watched both, and cried with both versions. i'm not the biggest shinkai fan (the majority of his works are just straight up boring to me), but damn this touched something inside me. it may be because i'm sensitive when it comes to animals or something like that. either way, leaving it here in case someone wants to cry over a fictional cat.

↪ marriagetoxin ; action · comedy · drama · romance

yes, i'm gonna talk about it again. i'm just really sad people don't pay attention to this series like ??? the hell are y'all doing? two chapters in and i was already imagining it as an animated series and being like "omg hope it does get animated i can't wait". this manga has everything: action, comedy, drama, the romance, the spice. i wish the harem laws could get applied here so we would get the "first girl wins" chance, but i highly doubt it. either way, a series y'all shouldn't be sleeping on. the disrespect.

↪ oushitsu kyoushi heine ; comedy · sol

i'm so upset this series doesn't get the recognition it deserves. nor a second season, i need it asap. it's a show about four dumb teenagers and their professor. it may sound boring to you, but please give it a chance. it's one of my comfort shows, being a funny and wholesome series to watch on a cloudy afternoon with a cup of warm coffee on your hands. it's not like it has a plot per se (in the anime, at least), but it doesn't even need one. the cast is just enough.

↪ Re:CREATORS ; action · drama · fantasy · mecha · thriller

i just don't hear about this show as much as i would like to. it's all about the power of creation and fandom, about the love one feels for one's creations, the passion behind the art of bringing entire worlds with their own characters and rules to life. and also about empatizing in a kinda extreme way with characters who were born to suffer. if you ever thought "i would like to meet my ocs in real life!", re:creators says "no, you wouldn't".

↪ tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge ; comedy · sol

this is my favorite slice of life show and the only slow paced show i think i'd be able to watch again. i usually avoid these type of series, specially because the slow pace makes it unbereable to me. slice of life, doesn't matter what anilist says, is one of my least favorite genres in anime. but... this made me feel things. kind of. i mean, i really liked the characters, the enviroment, the chemistry that they all had with each other. i liked the comedy and the slow pacing felt... fitting, not suffocating. if any of you wanna watch a good sol, please give it a try.

↪ watashi no shounen ; drama · psychological · sol

this is a manga i finished like, right now. it's a story about feelings, sentiments, relationships. about your head being so messed up you don't even know what are you doing, what's wrong or what's right. a relationship so sweet and caring, but fucked up if seen in a bad demeanor. it also talks about family and how that builds you up as a person. i totally recommend.

[bookofmirth]

Everyone making far fetched theories and manage to connect the moon to their skinny jeans: "Sarah janet maas is the best writer. The queen of forshadowing! Obviously this little detail in the second book that was never mentioned again after is a clear forshadowing for my ship! Her mind blows my mind. She's a genuis and y'all just lack reading comprehension!"

Sarah j maas:

"Her youngest sister had been taken by this male because Nesta herself hadn't been able to face him. Tamlin had even looked at her and asked if she'd go in Feyre's place. And she had said no, because she was a hateful, horrible coward." Acosf, when she met Tamlin.

Miss maas- this sh*t did not happen in the first book.

Either she legit forgot what actually happened or she changed it to spice it up for... whatever reason. Nesta already feels guilty for a lot of things, including the ones where she's not even at fault. Why the hell try to make her out to be this monster that she isn't?! For angst? So she can fill the pages, since she didn't know what else to write?! Literally, what was the point of changing that???? That whole scene was dumb anyways because it felt like Sarah wanted some badass moment, using Tamlin as a punchbag so we can all scream "OMG YASSS QUEEN".

Queen of forshadowing my ass. Her villains and ships are obvious as hell and there are plenty of plotholes left. There's a map, a clear worldbuilding, yet we've been only in the night court for 4 books. Her characters are the most powerful people in the whole universe, but need whole armies and as much as help to kill of the Hybern King. There's no logic behind the magic system either.

Best writer my ass.

okay I didn't remember that quote from acosf about Tamlin asking Nesta to take Feyre's place, but you're right, that was stated in acosf, and it NEVER HAPPENED in acotar. I just checked my ebooks to be sure. ldjalkdjaslkjdlakjslkjasd That's so fucking funny because you're right, Nesta already had enough reasons to loathe herself, and tbh she doesn't need rational, real reasons to do so, sometimes you just hate yourself lmaoooo It's not like the intervention scene where she was able to literally rewrite it from acofas to acosf, sjm just completely retconned that fact from four books ago.

I know people have a lot of fun making theories and trying to figure out the next books, but literally sjm does not plan like that. Everything revolves around who she wants to bang. She figures that out, then makes the plot fit around that, to make the banging happen. She doesn't sit there thinking about the meaning of colors, she literally said in an interview that the Valkyrie bracelet colors were just a vibe, but people are out here acting like the curtains are blue!

If she didn't leave *some* hint as to where things were going, she'd be even worse than a bad writer. She's a pantser which is totally fine, but you're right. All these little details are so freaking inconsequential, unless she decides later on that she wants them to be meaningful. Then in retrospect it's like "omg, look at this clue she left for us" when I'm willing to bet that she did it retroactively.

I do think, to her credit, the reason we're so invested is because she does the characters and their psychology well. I just rewatched my acowar reread video from 2018 (I can link it if y'all want) which I posted prior to the acofas release, and I was right about the characters. I was right about how Nesta and Elain would grieve their father and feysand having a baby soon (I said I wouldn't be surprised if it happened, despite what Feyre said.) I did say that I thought Cassian knew Mor is queer, which I haven't been proven right about - however, I am not convinced that she is executing that issue of Mor being queer particularly well.

SJM's characters are her strength, and so if I make predictions, it's based on that. Where they're at psychologically, how they are reacting to situations, who is mated, who is sad about mates, what kind of circumstances characters are in, where they want to be. If we were to break down the effort she puts into different parts of her writing, it would be like 50% characters and characterization, 45% romance, and 5% everything else (world, plot, prose).

And that's another reason why I keep insisting that trying to figure out ships based on where plots might go is... a crapshoot at best. That's not the way she prioritizes. It's always 1) the couple/who she wants to bang, and then 2) whatever she needs to write to make that happen. "There's no plot for X ship" okay well we all read acosf, right? Because plot is not her priority or concern, she can and will do whatever it takes, no matter how inconsistent or ill-defined, to get two characters banging. There are things that make more sense, characters who are more or less connected to different plots than other characters. But never underestimate her willingness to make Amren have some random ass memory of something that changes the plot completely in order to make the ship she wants to happen, happen.

[current-obsession-hoard]

So I watched Across the Spider-verse some time ago and here’s my thoughts:

Btw this is coming from a girl who watched Into the Spider-verse once and never rewatched it so I personally liked the recall thing at the start

DISCLAIMER: Spoilers are ahead, I do not know nor claim to know psychology or the comics, feel free to correct me on either of those topics and the fact that I have not watched the first one in a really long time

I love how we got a bit of Gwen’s POV and everything

OKAY YALL HEAR ME OUT ON THIS:

The coloring was so good oh my god

You know the scene at the beginning ish when Gwen comes home to her dad and goes to her room?

HER ROOM IS SAD AND DISMAL AND DARK COMPARED TO THE REST OF THE HOUSE AND HER DAD WHICH YOU CAN SEE AS HER DSD STANDS IN THE DOORWAY

BUT

BUT THEN SHE HUGS HIM AND THE LIGHT SPREADS TO HER

AND

WHEN GWEN AND HER DAD CONFRONT EACH OTHER AT THE END, AFTER THEY MAKE UP ITS SO GLOWY AND STUFF AND ITS LIKE SHES GETTING HER HOPE BACK AFTER CONVINCING HERSELF THAT HER DAD DOESNT LOVE HER ANYMORE AND IS GONBA DIE FOR THE PAST LIKE 3 MONTHS

So yeah that happened

Moving on,

That cliffhanger? Did not see it coming at all

But to be fair I did not know it was gonna be a two part thing so I was fully prepared for a full swing NOT LEAVING RIGHT AFTER MILES GETS CAPTURED BY HIMSELF.

Also I think Miles has such good reasons to be mad at Peter and Gwen and I think after they like save everyone woohoo, they need to sit down and talk because keeping that big of a secret from your friend is life changing dude

And literally my heart was gonna burst when Peter told Miles that he wanted a child because he wants a kid like Miles and just UGHDKSJDJF

That whole chase scene was so funny though because there were like a bajillion Spider-Man’s who could hypothetically stop Miles but they just. didn’t.

And I find that so funny

I also find funny that a random girl who Miles had never met before until like a couple hours ago helped him escape rather than his only friends. And like I get it, loyalty woohoo but also your friend is going through smth rn and as a 15 year old Spider-Man, y’all should be grateful he didn’t take it harder tbh

And now miguel o'hara.

Okay look at the start I loved him, he seemed like an Oliver Queen type who gets shit done but just is so easy to tease it’s funny

But then ya know he blew up

So just a disclaimer I know nothing of psychology and I won’t claim to, but here’s what I think

Miguel should NOT be leading a group. Like sure maybe in the future but now? Hell no

So I don’t know how recent the whole ‘messing with canon and destroying my whole family and myself in a universe thing’ was but it’s obviously very unresolved for him

There’s no way he can get closure for it, and also he’s very open about it so I feel like he’s aware that it will garner a sympathetic reaction and uses it on people to manipulate them and in turn thinks his trauma is resolved but really he’s just trying to squash it down with all this spider team for anomalies and stuff.

It’s not working.

He’s very prone to anger, pretty egotistical if he never listens to anyone but himself, apathy, probably sees himself as a monster, never trusts anyone, and basically he’s a dangerous gremlin who’s also the Hulk at the same time.

I think with his past (I have also never read any of the comics so feel free to correct me on any of this) hes very structured and just like ‘no mistakes’ which is understandable but really sad

He isn’t a good guy and he’s not a bad guy and he’s kinda like the police in like every superhero movie ever where they’re trying to tell you to follow the law/canon and everything, but it still doesn’t work.

Also Hobie? Top tier, he is the goat

So yeah that’s my thoughts in a brain dump

Personally, I already want the third one but that’s a whole 9 months away so

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talk if you’ve made it this far

Enjoy the gif

[jheselbraum]

Rewatching Change Your Mind its really baffling to me the writing choices the crew made about Volleyball this early on. So far everything we have on her suggests that she was taken from Pink because she did something that fundamentally treated her like a person in some way, or that she had cooked up some hairbrained scheme that Volleyball wound up punished for for not reining her in. There's nothing narratively in any of the flashbacks we get in Change Your Mind or Together Alone to suggest that Pink physically or psychologically hurt Volleyball, just that she got caught in the crossfire of the rest of the diamonds abusing Pink. There's nothing, that is, until Volleyball says as much in Future. In the moment I never noticed how out of left field it felt and I guess the art book, specifically the "Don't break this one" drawing, sort of masked how little of that was actually evident in the show, but on a rewatch? It's kind of disappointing how much of a misdirect it feels like. I think having the crack in her eye be Pink's doing was always the plan but with the way these flashbacks are written it honestly makes the reveal feel more like a gotcha. Like a "Oh haha, I can't believe you fell for it. Of course Pink is the one who hurt her! This isn't a shocking reveal out of left field, you misunderstood!" Especially with how the narrative treats the concept of thinking Pink couldn't have done it or even just being shocked about the fact that she did ("It looks like I'm still making excuses for her" "Is that what I've been doing?") and the narrative gotcha for expressing vs bottling up your feelings (the Pink Volleyball knew was loud and destructive and constantly expressing herself to the detriment of others, which is bad, and the Pink Pearl knew kept everything bottled up inside, which is worse, and Rose Quartz struck a pretty good balance between the two all things considered, which according to the narrative was apparently also bad. Steven, who is a child, who's had the diamond powers unlocked for what, a week? A couple weeks? Isn't allowed by the narrative to be upset by what's going on, because even though he can't control his powers, even though he doesn't know how to, his anger is upsetting Volleyball. Which, fair enough I guess, but the solution to that problem is for Steven to go into another room or something. At the very least it'd be nice if the narrative didn't act like the fact that he literally cannot control his powers, let alone how his powers affect other people emotionally, is some kind of moral failing on his part, Volleyball's trauma and Pink's decisions notwithstanding).

Like, we know that when diamonds change so do their powers. Yellow went from proofing gems in an instant to being able to alter the forms of cracked or corrupted gems, even if their gems weren't complete. Blue went from being able to force any gem into not just tears but straight up sorrow, to being able to spread joy to others. White went from imposing her being onto others to the inverse, letting others possess her. Which. Interesting narrative choice, but it's not really a stretch to think that after what happened to Volleyball, Pink's powers changed because she changed. That she went from being able to destroy physical structures and gems alike to being able to heal them (fascinating narrative choice to have your healer character's powers be tear activated but then narratively treat her like a crybaby by the way). For the rest of the diamonds this power change is framed as an objectively good thing, a sign that they're growing and changing for the better. But for Rose, for some fucking reason, that's not good enough and she's still framed by the narrative as being awful after she changed. She's the only character besides Bluebird the show can't seem to forgive and God, does it feel like they just keep tacking on reasons for that when things come out of left field like this. With Bismuth, yeah okay. We know from the start that there's a bubbled gem in lion's mane. We know that something isn't right when Bismuth is unbubbled and seems. Nice. Chill. When Pearl says Rose lost track of her at that battle. Spinel shows up completely out of nowhere, without so much as a mention of Pink ever having a garden before (which, didn't the diamonds hate organic life before? Why give pink a garden full of it?) And now this with Volleyball, where it may not have been their intent but it certainly feels like the crew were just lying to us about what Pink was like when she was with Volleyball. The horse has been dead for years at this point, we get it. You don't want us to like Rose Quartz.

[shufflet]

So there were a lot of details I missed after rewatching Tales of the Foundation. But they still fit perfectly with my suspicion on how the scp foundation interacts with ordinary people or would civilian populations be more accurate?

Now I could be completely wrong about things which is fine. Those can stay fanfics. Kinda doubt we are going to get any new content but I can still have my fun speculating. It's going to be two years soon of no new animations and the original YouTube channel has said they are working on a different project.

Okay let's start with Agent Lawrence. Now I know electrician is more than dealing with electrical equipment in the scp universe because of the wiki explaining the foundation has a more supernatural power source. But the way Lawrence mentioned used to being an electrician seems more of an ordinary electrician job. Like when he got the power back on it during scp 106 wasn't based on use of supernatural elements. So the idea of this guy just getting dragged into the foundation after witnessing stuff that definitely doesn't belong in normal electrical equipment is my favorite theory. The MFT career might have been due to his reaction to a supernatural threat that usually most people would have died from.

I completely forgot that Dr. Collingwood had outright said she had a PHD in Experimental Research of Cryptids. Sorry about that. So she probably either took a chance on a shady college that later led her to the scp foundation or most likely is part of the population in the scp foundation universe that has prior knowledge. Still cool and I wonder if that has lead to to misunderstanding in the past with other coworkers. It also could explain the different reactions between the meeting photo between Dr Collingwood and Dr Buck. Personally after rewatching I think she probably knew stuff that families who outright have a culture from working mainly with people in the scp foundation itself.

Now about Dr Buck, odds are most likely prior knowledge since her father worked in the foundation. But I have a pet theory with the idea that she may not have outright know about what the foundation was at first. This secrecy with her father having a job that is not on any known legitimate agency could have contributed significantly to family difficulties. Since the politics even in a scp universe would have their own political scares with governments both knowing and not knowing everything with this organization that might as well be its own country/government that operates by hiding itself from the general public. This lack of transparency between her parents could have contributed significantly to the arguments that was depicted in a flashback. Her mother would definitely would want explanations especially since there could be psychological tolls that working with a secretive job that cant be declassified and/or actual unexplained close calls that could have been dangerous to her and her family thanks to the father's secretive job. Their constant fighting could have led to Dr Buck trying to be more independent of her parents with her own goals earlier on. One of the things the scp 3887 preyed upon was Dr Buck's childhood fears and her fear of being insignificant. Regardless of if Dr Buck knew of the foundation, she could have been a workaholic that focused a lot on achieving goals but neglects socializing outside of work. I still like the idea that Dr. Buck had veterinarian experience and later a marine biology degree that got her either acquired by the foundation or was simply a job that looked good on paper that turned out to be the same company her father could never give answers for. Especially since anomalies can be come in a lot of varieties. I still think that some sort of undersea anomaly is what led to her initial hiring. She later got answers to lot of questions later on about her family's secret job.

Agent Carson I'm speculating was raised knowing and wanting to be part of the Mobile Task Force in the past. Much like how some kids want to be soldiers. His disillusionment when talking to Agent Ramsey about being disposable as the D class makes me wonder if he puts a lot of faith in his gear more than other people. As for why Carson doesn't have a former civilian vibe, he does complain and compare things within conversations. He seems like the type of guy to accidently over share some of his past.

[benoitblanc]

for the sleepover, tell me what you're writing about and your favorite line so far if you have one! ✨

okay this kind of has three answers so i'll answer all of them! i always love talking about my writing projects (derogatory and affectionate) :)

original project: i am still dragging my feet with my crime show, which i have made little to no progress on in the past like two years, rip. you might have seen me talking about it before but tldr the very basic premise is that it's about a group of petty grifters who accidentally pull a con on the mob and get roped into this massive imbroglio of crime lords and long-seated feuds in the parisian criminal underworld. i unfortunately am STILL outlining, and the two scenes i do have written are in script format anyway, so i'm not going to post a favorite line

x-files university au: this has sort of replaced my peggysous time loop fic as my big fic project right now, which is really a shame because i am literally a loop and a half away from being done with the time loop fic so i should really get back to it so i can PUBLISH THE GODDAMN THING. sigh. i hate plot bunnies. this one is especially annoying because it's pretty much a rehashing of the mytharc episodes from season 1 (with a little futzing around with the timeline + m&s are uni students + doggett and reyes are also there), which means i kind of need to rewatch them... but i am only 2.5 seasons into watching this show for the first time. (sort of. as you'll see with the next project i've sort of been skipping around a little. don't worry about it.) however, i am kind of obsessed with my weird little college agents and their weird little project for investigative journalism 401, so we keep chugging away at it. i'm putting my favorite scene from it thus far under the cut below, plus a bonus line specifically for you :)

x-files uhhhhhhhh: i literally do not know what to say about this one without giving things away, but i will try: it's a season 5 au that deals with grief, devotion, and codependency with a hint of psychological thriller mixed in just for shits and giggles. i also read the recipe wrong and added a full cup of angst instead of a teaspoon, whoops. i know this means nothing to you because you don't even watch this show but for those of my followers who do i don't even think i can say what characters are in this without spoiling things. as such i am not going to post a line from this one either

sleepover asks!!!

(and read on for some snippets from my txf wip!)

my favorite section from the txf university fic (bonus points if you catch the non-txf reference):

“Or how ’bout this: happy family of seven moves into this huge big house in Massachusetts last year hoping to flip and resell it, and within a month, there’s a kid dead of cyanide poisoning and the mom took a one-way trip off the top of the staircase.”

“That’s a horrible tragedy,” Scully starts, “but-”

He slaps the newspaper on the table. (“Do you just carry that around?” John asks.) “The dad went to every publication that would listen claiming the house was haunted.”

John is rubbing his temples, and Scully mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ay yi yi. Monica, however, is nodding thoughtfully along. Mulder might kiss her, if a. he weren’t dead certain she’s a lesbian and b. he hadn’t recently come to the realization, completely unprompted by any real-life events, that he’s more partial to redheads.

and a bonus completely out of context line for mitali!

“Because Han Solo is a slut, that’s why. Open the button.”

[alittlehurtwithyourcomfort]

whump question challenge by @withalittlebitofwhump! thought it'd be fun to answer these all in one go, it's an old challenge but i found it and said "why not?"

if you're new to my blog, here's some info abt me and whump!

alright, here we go:

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1. Favorite whump trope(s)?

answer: hidden injury or collapse, preferably together! also prefer when it's from an abdominal wound (stabbing, GSW, etc)

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2. Least favorite whump trope(s)?

answer: anything to do with just regular sickness/emeto. or allergic reactions. not a fan of anything that i see as potentially embarrassing (?).

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3. Top 3 whump scenes and why?

answer: this is so hard??? omg. uh, okay:

1. all of the whump scenes in he is psychometric (i can't choose) they're the ones i rewatch CONSTANTLY, jinyoung's acting is amazing and it's got all my fav tropes

2. daredevil episode 2 because damn, they really gave us an entire whumpy episode so early in the series and it's AMAZING

3. the vault scene in be reborn (c-drama), the way it's filmed and also the acting, the length, it's SO GOOD.

-----------------------------

4. Top 3 characters to whump and why?

answer: (this is so hard lol)

1. buck (911) because he's got the relatability, the found family, and everything

2. keith (VLD), all the good tropes but only in fics, sadly

3. peter parker (MCU) again, because he's relatable and has (had) found family

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5. Favorite fandom for whump (show, series, etc)?

answer: currently it's gotta be 911! it's a treasure trove for found family whump.

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6. Do you prefer written or watchable whump?

answer: watchable for sure! though, i'm a huge consumer of whump fics.

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7. Do you also like hurt/comfort?

answer: i'm mainly a hurt/comfort person, actually! if there's no recovery/aftercare and comfort, the whump falls a bit flat imo.

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8. What do you think the difference between hurt/comfort and whump is?

answer: i'd say whump refers to the act of the character being hurt, and then hurt/comfort is the trope that includes whump.

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9. How would you explain whump to someone who’s not familiar with it?

answer: i'd say that whump refers to a character being hurt in some way, rather physically, emotionally, or psychologically. it's a trope that many enjoy, and it adds development and drama to a storyline!

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10. Is there any old whump you particularly enjoy? (say, pre 2000?)

answer: hmm, star wars comes to mind, as well as the OG macgyver, and the karate kid trilogy! right now i can't think of much else.

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11. Why do you think you like whump?

answer: i think i like it because of the interactions and drama (plus the "whumperflies" lol). i tend to like whump for characters i can relate to!

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12. When did you realize you liked whump?

answer: oh god, i've always known i liked it! it's such an integral part of my media consumption. when i discovered the community + fanfic, i was around ten or eleven (young, i know!). so probably around seven years ago, almost eight since i've been actually knowledgeable about the term.

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13. Favorite posts with whump (gifsets, picspams, etc)

answer: gifsets or whumplists, they help me find what to watch!

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14. Are you “out” to people in real life?

answer: mostly, yeah! my family knows, since my sister also enjoys whump (not as much as me, but still some!) and will recommend shows to me based on that.

some of my irl friends are avid fanfic readers/in fandoms and know the term well. :)

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15. How did you find the whump community?

answer: 1980's macgyver whump list :)

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16. Any unusual mediums you like for whump (plays, music, vlogs, etc)?

answer: some kpop music videos have really good whump scenes!

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17. Any meta about whump you’ve been dying to share?

answer: do not have an answer for this one unfortunately!

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18. Whump fic(s) you’d love to see?

answer: MORE. BUCK. WHUMP. also, to the lockwood and co. fandom, please write more gen lockwood whump with minimal/established romance. i need the fics.

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19. Whump you’re looking forward to? (Maybe something teased or something you haven’t seen yet?)

answer: AHHH 911 SEASON 6B!!! coma!buck for the win, y'all, i can feel it in my bones.

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20. Top 3 favorite whump fics?

answer:

1. kindness, what connects us by FandomLife54 on ao3 (911, buck whump, tsunami AU)

2. quintessence blues by SilenceIsGolden15 (VLD, keith whump, magical injuries)

3. of bikes and concussions by datleggy on ao3 (911, buck whump, misunderstandings, concussion)

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21. Tropes you think are overdone?

answer: car crashes (especially with little to no aftercare or injury)

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22. Tropes you think we could use more of?

answer: i love the "found" trope, where a character is injured and then subsequently discovered by friends.

i also think we could use more of the "injured character calls someone for help and passes out over the phone" trope. it's so good.

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23. Favorite sites/archives for consuming whump? (question by @dammittmarie )

answer: tumblr (obv), the whumpapedia is good, ao3 best fanfic site, and that's about all i use!

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24. Have your whump preferences changed recently? If so, why? (question by @fyeahvulnerablemen​)

answer: my preferences have honestly stayed pretty consistent! i've always loved hidden injury, abdominal wound, and collapse whump. however, i used to be rlly into panic attack-related whump and i don't rlly like it much anymore!