#the short rule is that if it's funny it's valid

[lazuliquetzal]

Comedy Is A Lie: I’m Going To Explain The Joke And It’s Going To Make Everything Worse

A buddy asked me why I cut a good joke from one of my fics and my immediate answer was “it killed the tension,” which, upon reflection, is a pathetic answer that is mostly inaccurate and does not even come CLOSE to how much thought I put into comedy in my writing. So I guess I’m going to write this out and excise the demon of over-explanation. 

Part The First: What Is Funny

The biggest thing I try and keep in mind when writing editing comedy (and anything, really, but especially for comedy) is rhythm. Lots of parts to rhythm! Most obvious is the word-to-word/sentence-to-sentence flow. Timing is a really important aspect of verbal comedy, which is why performance is a good medium to use. You get to control the delivery of every sentence and the spaces in between. But when you’re writing, you have significantly less control over how a reader will interpret the rhythm: all you can do is word your sentences as best as you can and give them rhythm cues via punctuation. (This is why I use so many em dashes and commas… I'm working on that…)

The other part to rhythm is on a more macro scale. There are jokes that will roll along with the flow of a story. For me, these are jokes that don't deviate from the context of the scene too much. They connect one subject to the next, or they build off of each other (a ‘yes, and’ sequence, for example). Alternatively, the joke is delivered in a really understated way. Like passing off something objectively batshit as status quo. Either way, they flow!

Then there are jokes that will halt a scene in its tracks. These are jokes that recontextualize a situation, or make a particularly large leap from the current topic. Or, you've been setting up for this punchline for a while and this joke is payoff. Or the joke is just really, really funny. These are the kind of jokes where you need to give the characters (or the reader) a beat to process them. Sometimes. We’ll get back to that.

Part the Second: How Is Funny

So the point of all that rhythm stuff is that comedy has a flow! If every line is a witty one-liner, none of the lines are witty one-liners! If every joke is a one-hit-KO, you have left your reader unconscious. Basically, if you are constantly being #Funny, you become repetitive and predictable, and that is the death of tension (and humor is a tension-driven element). 

One way to think of comedic pacing is setup (AKA building tension) and punchline (AKA payoff). It’s a balancing act: the more you build up tension, the more satisfying the payoff is going to be, but if you spend too long building up, you start dragging. You want the reader to think, “I can’t wait for the punchline!” and not, “oh my god, PLEASE get to the punchline already.” 

Fun way to make the tension last longer is to put all those flow-y connector jokes along the way. The reader’s anticipating the Joke, so by giving them little jokes, it meets their expectations in little ways so that they don’t get too antsy.

Hey, what’s tension, you ask?

Part The Third: Why Is Funny

When I read a book, there are two emotions that get me to turn the page:

I don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I’m curious!

I know X is going to happen, and I’m anticipating it!

That’s tension. (Something something semantics—I’ve never taken a creative writing class, I don’t have a vocabulary) 

You can have the calmest, low-stakes fluffiest fic in the world but as long as your readers are experiencing either curiosity or anticipation, Congrats! You have tension! I, however, like putting readers on fast-paced rollercoasters, so that’s the lens through which I’m tackling this section, which is: how do I use jokes in a story structure context? What purpose does a clown serve?

I mentioned earlier that some jokes are bricks to the face: they demand to be processed. Most of the time, I put high-impact jokes in places where I need the story to “reset” in a way: force a beat so the reader can process both the joke and the plot. That’s using humor to release tension. Literally. Laughter relieves stress.

But! You can also use those jokes to make the tension even worse! If you drop a bomb and immediately press forward, no processing allowed, you get stressful comedy. You want to laugh, but also a bunch of other stuff is happening and it feels kind of rude to laugh, so you get stressed. Sometimes humor can undermine a climactic moment, but if you use the right joke in the right spot you create shrimp emotions. If you’ve read DotF ch8 you know what I’m talking about.

Jokes also just make for good plot points? A lot of jokes are built on recontextualization. Everybody loves a good twist/reversal/surprise in a plot. Just make a joke and re-frame it, and bam! You’ve plotted! (Everything I’ve ever written started off as a joke.)

Wait, What Was The Question?

Why did I cut the joke? It was a waste of a brick to the face. It was too referential, it required the audience to know/agree with something completely unrelated to the story, it didn’t build upon what I already established. It ruined the rhythm.

I need to emphasize that, despite all my Thoughts on this, the way I appraise my jokes is 80% vibe-based. I probably could have kept the joke, and it would have been totally fine. But I would know. I would know that my intended rhythm is broken… it would haunt me until the end of time…

[wlntrsldler]

- @sweatermuppet

this reminded me of luke so here’s my late night rambling:

when luke returned to camp as a failure, unable to complete his quest, bloodied and bruised with a bitter reminder slashed across his face, there was a moment when he feared that all he would ever be known for was this; as if the looks of pity and despair were the only emotions that would ever be reserved for him from that point forward; as if he would amount to nothing else but the boy who tried his hardest and still fell short; as if in the eyes of his father, a god he was growing to resent more and more everyday— but damn it, was still his father and luke craved some validation, some acceptance, some love—he was damned.

it was no secret that many demigods are changed after their first quest— some grow stronger, some grow weary, some grow distrustful. for a while, nobody at camp knew what to say to him, not even annabeth who had known him for eternity and understood him like only a sister understood a brother— living under the same roof with the same rules and the same burden of responsibility.

and then you came along and it was as if he was seen once again.

you had been warned about him, yet somehow, somehow, when you brushed the stray curl away from his face, your fingers lingered on the scar that still burned to the touch and didn’t flinch. you had not been there to see him change from the boy with the limitless potential to be great to who he has become now. but luke prayed to the same gods he cursed that even if you had been there, had known him, he prayed it wouldn’t have mattered.

“there,” you whispered, fingers slowly tracing his face. “all better.”

and later when your lips touched the freckled spot on his shoulder blade as you sat with him in the darkness of the woods, sweaty and sticky from the beating rays of the sun earlier that day, he finally felt like he could breathe again.

it was funny, really, because he held his breath when it happened. he thought that it was a dream and he wasn’t ready to wake up yet. just one more minute. one more second of this.

this; of you beside him, smiling at him as if he was greater than the stars scattered across the night sky that you were laying under; of you laughing under him as his fingers dug into your sides. you hated being tickled but he selfishly just wanted to hear your laugh just a little bit longer— he had grown up too fast, too angry, too selfless that he allowed himself to be selfish just this once; of you telling him you loved him in silent conversations, lips ghosting over his own trying not to scare him away.

all his life, luke had battled— mortals, monsters, gods, but this? you? there was no battle here. there was peace. there was love.

luke thinks that’s where it all went wrong. how does one who had been deprived of peace and love meant to accept it when it came? he didn’t know how to. he never learned.

and when you looked at him after he told you his plans with that same pity and despair that he feared since his return, he accepted his fate. perhaps, he is as damned as he thought he was.

[mr888sworld]

The lunar moon through natal houses (1-12)

how do you process your emotions?/mental health & how our mother’s show up to us emotionally

The moon in astrology rules over our emotions/habits/the maternal energy around us

Our psychic abilities/our intuition

Our instincts/ mood

Our mother

Our shadow self/subconscious mind

Moon in the first house 🏠🧘🏾‍♂️

Your mother could be a pioneer/self-made 💰

Your mother could influence your appearance or you could look exactly like her

You could potentially change moods quickly (cardinal energy ♈️) be wary of angry outburst

You are a good judge of character

You can could read a room easily

You move on quickly

You are an optimist

Never hung up over anything for too long

Could potentially wear your heart on your sleeve

Motherly

There could be an heavy focus on your appearance

Good skin

Naturally nurturing

Strong values

Subconsciously you want to be appreciated for your efforts/drive

Strong emotions

Moon in the second house 🏠 💰

Your mother could have a major influence on your finances/resources

Strong emotions towards stability

Self made

Strong intuition involving money

Lucky individual

Could be born into wealth/or will gain wealth through a maternal figure

Slow to anger

Stubborn

Extremely hard worker 💰

Slow to emotionally change

Your mood could be in constant stabilization

Subconsciously you want to be stable & comfortable financially.

Love for cooking 🥘/or love for food

Extravagant

Appreciates the nice things in life

Extremely good at manifesting.

Moon in the third house 🏠 💭

Excellent communicator

Your mother could be well known in your short term community.

Your mother is very analytical/intelligent

You have a thirst for knowledge

Curious

Prone to mood swings (Gemini energy)

You Could be the motherly sibling

Most likely to have sisters

Great at researching

Can sense bullshit a mile away

Could see through people like glass

Logical individual

Wants to try everything

Gains emotional satisfaction through learning.

Needs stimulation

Excellent at multitasking

Prone to boredom

Needs constant change

Subconsciously you want to study & share everything you learn 🧠

Moon in the fourth house 🏠 🌊

Moon is in domicile in the 4th house (due to cancer ruling the moon) strong emotions

Your mother/family could have been very protective over you

You were smothered with love & affection

Passion for cooking 🍳

Very psychic

You could read a room like no other

You feel everything!/too much at times

Extremely sensitive

You could have an amazing relationship with your family

You are an empath

You have genuine love to give

You are very emotionally intelligent

Prone to mood swings as well (easier for you to control)

Very connected to the moon 🌙

The moon phases affect you the most ( similar to cancer moon)

Enjoys comfort

Homebody

Nurturing

Motherly

Your mother could be extremely emotional over you. You are a mommas boy or girl.

Crabby at times

Subconsciously you want to live comfortably & share your gifts/intuition with the ones you love

Moon in the fifth house 🏠 ⭐️

Your mother could be prideful/full of herself

Could potentially have a narcissistic mother

Your mother could be very creative

You are attracted to art

You want to be seen & validated for how you feel

Potential for fame/extremely creative

Could be a singer ⭐️

Has an eye for the aesthetics

Dramatic emotional outbursts

Very reactive

Could be stubborn

Could be selfish at times

Funny

Extremely Outgoing

You Have a Strong sense of character

Gain’s attention easily

Great at establishing friendships

Could potentially have children early

Extremely good with kids

Sexual

Subconsciously you want to be recognized for the achievements/accomplishments you make/have

Moon in the sixth house 🏠🏥

Your mother could be a huge influence on your health/routine.

Your mother could be a nurse/doctor

Great relationship with your pets

Green-thumb

Extremely attracted to nature

Could be judgmental

Very analytical

Could have excellent health

Prone to have OCD

Extremely good at organizing how you feel

Excellent communicator

Strict with your routine

Most likely got the covid shot 😂

You could be to Hard on yourself at times

Could be a gym rat

Hard-worker

Most likely the manager at work

Your mother/ siblings could be your co-workers

Subconsciously you just want routine & perfection

Moon in the seventh house 🏠 ⚖️

Your mother could have prioritized her relationships before you or the other way around

Prone to loving the idea of love.

Attracted to beauty

Your mother could have always been dating someone.

You could have married young

Could gain comfort & security through a partner

Craves people

Outgoing

Extremely sociable

Great at flirting

Could have an obsession with the law/balance

Horrible at making emotional decisions

Could be delusional at times

Very noble

Could be prone to cheating 😂

Indecisive

Prone to moodswings ( Libra energy)

Subconsciously you just want to love & be loved in return

Moon in the eighth house 🏠 🪦

Your mother could be obsessive/toxic or extremely transformative

Very emotional

Extremely psychic

Attracted to the occult

Misunderstood

You read energy like no other

Attracted to tarot/astrology/numerology

You crave intimacy/intensity

Could have a love/hate relationship with your mother

Could have a mother who invades your privacy/space

Extremely private

Great at reading into situations

Extremely emotionally transformative

Attracted to death/sex

Could be bi-sexual

Has an innate thirst for the truth

Loner

Mistrustful of others

Subconsciously you just want someone who you could share your soul/body & mind with authentically

Moon in the ninth house 🏠 🪐

Your mother could be extremely lucky/she could have traveled a lot

Needs innate change/freedom

Natural optimist

Does not get hung up over the small things

Extremely independent

Attracted to anything foreign

Loves to travel

Very truthful

Prone to being religious/spiritual

Lucky individual

You have a strong sense of faith like no other

Very attracted to spirituality

Funny

Outgoing

Great at establishing friendships

Has a larger than life personality

Prone to escapism

No boundaries at times emotionally

Subconsciously you want freedom to explore the unknown.

Moon in the tenth house 🏠 🦾

Mother could be a boss/extremely hardworking

Could gain status or fame through a mother figure

Your mother has a respectable reputation

Strong sense of practicality

Very logical

Cold at times

Very smart

You always have a way to make income

Strong desire for success

Attracted to business people

Accomplishing your goals solidifies your emotional satisfaction

Prone to depression at times

Strong desire for recognition

Potential for fame

Well-known mother figure

Well-informed

Well respected individual

Subconsciously you just want to become successful with a respectable reputation

Moon in the eleventh house 🏠🕹️

Mother could have been very social/or attended social activities/events/groups commonly

Your mother could be very analytical as well

You are an amazing friend

Craves connection

Thrives in social settings

Very independent

Extremely quirky

Rebellious emotionally

Loner at times

Unpredictable emotionally

Could potentially be emotionally unstable/unavailable

Attracted to anything taboo

Mother could be a humanitarian

Mother could have been emotionally unavailable

Stubborn

Great at manifesting

Subconsciously you want to help humanity on a global scale

Moon in the twelfth house 🏠🕉️

Mother could suffer from mental illness/or she could be locked up in an institution/or you could have a very spiritual relationship with your mother

Naturally psychic !

You absorb emotions like a sponge

Your the generational curse breaker

Attracted to the afterlife

Your dreams reveal the future

Can be delusional at times

Your mother could be attracted to the taboo

You could be into tarot/meditation

Your karma’s child

Prone to astral projection.

Strong empath

Extremely caring

Extremely emotionally

Prone to escapism

Could have spiritual siblings

Could become a successful astrologer

Attracted to art

Strong ability to produce your manifestations

Most likely into spell work

Subconsciously you want a spiritual/out of the box life experience

That’s all folks 🙏🏾 hope you enjoyed your moon being dissected . Lmk if you feel like this resonates with you. & if not lmk too.

Thank you guys for the follows/likes & reblogs I never thought my work would be so appreciated

I appreciate it 🙏🏾. I am in no way a professional astrologer.

[utilitycaster]

Well now im curious, what are your top 10 etiquette violations

I'm not actually sure there are 10 tbh in that these are relatively broad - you could split them up more finely if you wanted but they cover a wide range of behavior. Also this is...a bit stream of consciousness. I do stand by 1 as the absolute Golden Rule of D&D in that it's really just so Me Me Me (more so than main character syndrome) that it's inexcusable, but like...rules 2- 6 are kind of all in the same nebulous position in my mind as are rules 7-10. 2-6 are "really bad, have a talk and be prepared to kick this person out if they don't shape up and honestly I would probably not want to hang out with them irl much if they don't shape up" and 7-10 are "maybe don't invite them to game nights but they could be okay otherwise."

Deliberately going against the general vibe of the table. This is the broadest but also obviously worst trait. If everyone else is here to play a serious playthrough of Curse of Strahd and they're all vampire hunters and whatnot and you're playing a clown in a hawaiian shirt named Jeff you are not funny; you are an asshole. I think that person who made the post of like "I'm playing D&D with my dad's friends and they're all fighters with tragic backstory and I'm a neon firbolg who resurrects our enemies and runs therapy sessions" should be beaten with hammers. Like, be unique, but if everyone else is going for a lighthearted vibe it's not time to bust out your darkest PC and vice versa. (This also goes deeper, like, if your table has decided PC death in-game is okay, you can request a change, but if you've never spoken up about this and then your character dies and you pitch a fit, that's on you.)

"Um actually my rich family solves this" and similar circumventing of obstacles in a way that cuts off all story avenues. It's fine to offer your services to help - sometimes the party will want it! But the worst player I've played with (who still did not violate Item 1) did this and short-circuited like 75% of the plot by being like "well my wealthy merchant family can probably smooth this over" and I wanted to, well, beat them with hammers. Brian Murphy of Naddpod calls this "showing up and trying not to play D&D" and he's right.

Closely related to/overlapping with item 2 but Main Character Syndrome. If you're a wizard and there's a nonurgent trial of strength? that is for the barbarian. If they ask for help, go for it, but don't just do everything. Share the table. Self-explanatory but man do some people not get it. I'm also grouping this with "my character wouldn't help" behaviors. Like to be clear, forgoing your turn as a roleplay thing is fine, but another Naddpod D&D Court regular topic is like "the player for whatever reason would not join combat bc their character wouldn't, and we nearly had a tpk because the encounter assumed our fucking cleric would be there".

Actually violating player agency. Closely relating to 2-3. Conflict is great and good. I think it's fine to lie, cheat, and steal from your party members if your table agrees on that. There are spells or abilities that lead to possession which is also valid if your table has talked through that. But you do not get to otherwise like, force another player character to do your bidding (unless your table has, again, decided this is okay). You cannot persuasion check other PCs into going against their desires unless that's a very specific conversation you've had out of character as a table. Even in game, like, the DC on persuasion checks can be arbitrarily high - even impossible - if someone would simply never do it.

Noncombat/non-violent D&D. There are other TTRPGs that are not heavily based on war games with character classes that aren't like 90% battle abilities and you should check those out. Anyone who plays noncombat/nonviolent D&D and is proud of it is dumb as the bag of hammers I'm beating the people of items 1 and 2 for and I don't respect them. I guess this isn't so much an etiquette violation in that if your entire table wants this you can all be terrible together, but it is kind of a dick move, especially since I both love D&D and find the anti-D&D crowd to largely be the most sour grapes-ass losers of all time, but also believe passionately that there are many things D&D does not achieve well because it is in fact a specific game with specific objectives. You should, if you want to play a game that is all social encounters and skill checks and no fighting, play the many indie games that would love your patronage and suit you admirably, not the most neutered, milquetoast, unsalted margarine version of D&D. I genuinely believe that people playing murderhobos or hardcore metagamers are VASTLY preferable.

Not making a good faith effort to know the rules. You do not have to be good at D&D. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting for not knowing every rule of D&D. You only have to let the soft animal of your body have at least read the rules of your character's class, subclass, and race, and show up prepared, instead of being like "tee hee I listened to 5 episodes of TAZ Balance and am going to twirl my hair at the DM and hope they help little old me." The DM is BUSY and has SHIT TO DO. Read the fucking manual. It's okay to be wrong! It's not okay to be clueless on purpose.

Rules for Thee and Not For Me. Mostly a DM thing, and to be clear, the DM does have special rules bc they are the special one and this is obviously not about that. There are also rules that apply to NPCs/stat blocks and not PCs, and those are inherent to the balance of the game and are fine because NPCs have different abilities. But if, for example, you are requiring an athletics check of PCs to climb up on a ledge and don't permit acrobatics, your rogue NPC villain can't do acrobatics either unless they have some specific pre-written ability.

Metagaming pt 1: excessive metagaming: Part 2 will reveal the "excessive" but like. If you know trolls regenerate because you've been playing D&D for years but you are a level 4 INT 8 sorcerer in-game? you do not know trolls regenerate.

Metagaming pt 2: refusal to engage with the fact that this is a game: Sometimes you get the reverse, when people are like "well my character wouldn't realize that this magic item was important to your character" despite the other person RP-ing everything or "would I notice you were knocked out directly in front of me? It's a pitched battle!" Like. don't cheat but come on bro. This is, ultimately, a game. I will once again bring up Naddpod both because D&D Court exists AND they will do rule of funny shit (as Murph once pointed out, if you want to say you go to Ruby Tuesday's as a joke, great, if you try to use it mechanically, no, which is a healthy attitude towards immersion) AND Murph understands the concept of kayfabe.

Really extensive indecision that doesn't involve the whole party. This is mostly me but like. it's not fun, and I am impatient. If you're not an actual play livestream, you should take a break and in fact talk out of game and resume because god this drags. If everyone's on board obviously go for it but if it's one person's choice...babe the spotlight is on you, sing your solo or leave.

Basically: remember you are at a table with other people and you are telling a collaborative story in a system that is combat-heavy. I'm not bothered by (for example) someone stealing another character's item so long as they understand that this may lead to consequences for them! If you can dish it out but you're prepared to take it and your table trusts each other? Great! The problem is when people try to win against the other players, ask for special treatment they do not grant others, waste everyone's time unnecessarily, or skip to the end of the story; that's against the fundamental nature of the game. It's inconsiderate AND it misses the point.

[slvttysstuff]

REBOUND chapter 4

Chapter 1

https://www.tumblr.com/slvttysstuff/738042134255583232/rebound?source=share

Chapter 2

https://www.tumblr.com/slvttysstuff/738478643741884416/rebound?source=share

Chapter 3

https://www.tumblr.com/slvttysstuff/738741624067244032/rebound-chapter-3?source=share

Warning: mention of blood, jealous jay, grammatical errors

Summary: months after shelly and jay broke up he found himself in a relationship with you while he hasn't moved on yet from his past lover (shelly)

¤.•⨳•.*☆✬✬☆*.•⨳•.¤⊹

The tournament had already started once again, and here you are, along with Dom getting the medical team aid the two of you after having a incident while racing with those douchebags, you're maybe confused on how we got into an accident, to make the story short, those scorpion screw played us dirty

They took advantage of Dom and I while we're racing inside that tunnel, dom's tire got punctured resulting of him and I falling together

" Hey! To your left! " Vinny and I yelled, " huh? " Dom muttered but was too late when the guy in black helmet and gray hoodie puncture Dom's tires resulting of Dom falling and landing forward, I was at Dom's back so I don't have the time to react or to dodge him making my bike bump into his and just like what happens to him, it happens to me also, landing on my poor face

" Y/n! Dom! " I heard my team yelled worried, I slowly sat up and looked at them blood dripping in my head and cheeks " don't worry a-about us! Just focus and go!! " I yelled

" hey y/n I'm sorry it's my fault that you also got into this too " Dom said while the medics were putting some ointment on our wounds, I chuckled at him " don't be an idiot, it's fine it's part of the race " I chuckled

I hissed when I felt the ointment on my wound " luckily it was just a wounds and a few scratches nothing too worst " the medic explained to us " but I still recommend the two of you to take a rest " and after that they left, we were there alone sitting

" do you think they'll beat them up? " Dom asked looking at me, I looked back at him, his face caught me off guard I tried to suppress my laugh, his looks right now is very funny the bandage all over his face he looks like a mummy " of-ofcourse " I answered bitting the inside of my cheeks looking away

" what happen exactly between you and jay? " Dom continue, I knew it, not long they'll start asking me what really happened between me and jay and all I have to do is to answer it " I think you all notice it already " i said looking at down at my legs " notice what? "

" the reason why we broke up, I thought it was already obvious" I said " I think I know,but I'm not sure if I'm right..." he was hesitant " was it because of shelly? " Dom asked, I let out a small smile, he got it right

" yeah " I shortly answered before sighing, hearing her name makes me heart clench " jay hasn't moved on from her yet " I explained " he's still attached to her " I continued, tears were starting to fall from my eyes as I looked up not wanting it to fall

Dom looked at me with pitiful eyes, " I'm sorry you have to go through with that, I know jay's reason wasn't valid, he just got attached to shelly too much, but trust me y/n jay loves you.." Dom said, I looked at him and was about to say something when

" DOM!! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!!? " yuna yelled as she pushed the crowds and went to us, Dom's face quickly change as he acted as if he was hurt

" y-yuna! It hurts so bad! " He complains like a child, I looked at him with ' wtf bro' look as I saw how he quickly changes when it comes to yuna, of course that's because he likes her, I looked away not wanting witness their cheesiness especially Dom

" Team Scorpion at the lead and it doesn't look like team hummingbird can catch up! " The spectator announced as Dom and Yun grew worried but I have my faith in them especially minu, he was the one who planned all of this, he was the brain of our team

" There are no rules this time and we have to race with those asshats, which means it will be more dangerous " minu explained, he looks at me " y/n I think it's the best if you won't participate this round first, it's too dangerous" minu said but I shook my head

" no, I'll participate, I don't care if it's dangerous" I disagree on what minu said, the others gave me worried looks but I ignored them

" y/n I think you should listen to min- "

" jay i meant what I said, This is my decision, if something happens to me it's my fault" I glared at him making him shut up, he just sighed

" a-anyways, I was thinking..." Minu started

" let's say jay sprints early alright? If you do that no doubt they'll come after you first and take you out so..." Minu paused as he thinking some strategy " I want you two to shake things up a little at the beginning" minu said looking at Dom and Vinny

" in the meantime me, jay and y/n we'll stay at the back and pace ourselves, and at the last course I'll start sprinting and break their tempo then jay that's when you sprint "minu said " I'll stay at the back of Dom and try to block them- "

" It's too dangerous " jay once again interrupt my words, I closed my eyes inhaling the air " I don't care! If it's dangerous or not! If it's for winning the team then I have to do it " I argue with jay once again he looks at me " we can win this without you putting your life in danger, you knew they would play dirty on us" jay said keeping his calmness on my stubbornness " I know what I am doing! Stop treating me like a god damn elementary kid! " I yelled " I'm not, I'm just tell- "

" jay enough, I think Y/n's right, Dom needs someone who'll block the enemy, and even if it went wrong, we can still continue our plan " minu said

" why are you agreeing in putting her in the red- "

" why don't you let y/n decide for her self? She's not a puppet that you can control anytime you want." Vinny interrupted looking coldly at jay it was clear that he was irritated to the black haired boy " guys I think it's not the right time to argue, let's just hope nothing will happen and just focus on the race okay? " Dom said trying to cool down the argument that was already boiling up

" Hey y/n " someone called making me look who it was, " y-yeah Yuna? " I answered " we were calling you 5 times, are you alright? " Yuna asked completely worried, I nodded at her " I'm fine Yuna thank you " I said giving her a small smile

" 800m To the finish line! We're almost at the end of the race and team hummingbird is speeding up like crazy!! " The spectator announced

I stood up and went to the crowds to watch, minu was doing his strategy,

" Mini Yoon from hummingbird just went solo from his group! " The spectator said, minu went solo as he caught up with those fuckers, taking the lead once again, after sometime jay started sprinting leading the race all the way, cheers and applause can be heard after jay takes the lead

" AND FOR THIS ROUND! TEAM HUMMINGBIRD WON!! With 4.76 seconds lead!! " the spectator announced, a faint smile formed from my lips after hearing the announce of winners, I went back to the place where Dom and yuna are and sat back " I told you they will win " I said to Dom grinning at him, we went to were June is,

his arms were still injured thats why he didn't get to participate the match, then there we saw the three of them walking on our way " good work guys " June congratulate " I shit my pants " Dom said while doing a thumbs up, I laugh at his comment " You did a good wor-

" how's your wounds? What did the medics say about it?" Jay suddenly went to me and start checking on my wounds that were already bandage

" i-its fine, a few scratches they say, but I'm fine " I stutter looking away as he was looking down at me, worried was evident on his looks, I noticed the others giving us the looks making me uncomfortable, I moved away " so! Minu! Your strategy really worked! " I said trying to light up the mood " yeah it does " minu said as he scratch the back of his neck

" remember what you said to us before? " June asked as minu looked at him, confused

" when you told us you weren't Gonna practice with us anymore, I mean when you said you're just a third wheel to our team " June explained, minu looked at us as if he already remembered what June said

" oh that was.." minu started

"minu you are, our teams brain " June finally said as I nodded in agreement to what June said

" huh? What? Burain? "Dom who's confused to what had June said asked as he also asked yuna

" oh..thats ridiculous" minu said scratching his head while Mia was cheering for him

" Y/n what burain? It sounds dope " don mumbled to me and yuna, yuna poke Dom's forehead " he's talking about this " yuna answered but Dom was still confused, his reaction makes me laugh

" listen guys " minu called making our attention turn to him " I got something to tell you all " minu started " I've been meaning to tell you this guys" minu continued as he slowly took Mia's hands holding it " we're dating " minu announced but none of us reacted cause it was completely obvious except for Dom and june who's utterly in shocked, even though they haven't told us yet, they were already obvious

i noticed the two of them blushing " we already know! " I chuckled I went in front of them holding their hands that was already holding into each other " I gave you my blessings " I muttered like an old lady making the others laugh except for jay and Vinny who's looking at me

" the fuck you doing idiot you look like am old lady giving blessings to married couple " Vinny called as I looked at him glaring, I let go of their hands " congrats! " I said smiling at them

" how did you guys find out we haven't even told you yet " minu said " it was completely obvious" yuna explain as minu and Mia laughed

" so do you guys wanna hang out at my house? I'll cook or we can order something! " I suggested, Dom immediately agreed " I'm on it! Let's take a house tour at her house " Dom suggested as the others agree as well

as we started to head out and Dom's bodyguards were waiting for us, Dom told them that we will head to my house

" hey Dom are you alright? You fall really hard earlier" June said as he sat on the car " I'm fine it's just a few scratches " Dom said assuring us the he was alright..

[wrathofrats]

Another extremely accurate post of me guessing your personality based on your fav ghoul, but I’m nicer this time!

Mountain: you bitches terrify me. Like I’m a good way. Mostly very chill people, just kinda wanting to get their work done and go, but when it comes to that tall ass piece of meat?? Holy fuck y’all go crazy. Insane. Feral. Y’all rival the Swiss people which is so funny to be considering how mountain is headcanoned to be. Also I think you’re a good baker idk why.

Rain: ahhh!! Y’all are very sweet. Sassy but usually very sweet. Calm, don’t have much to say until you have a burning desire to see a fish in a dress. But all you wanna do is dress up your pretty little ghoul and vibe. Very artistic people. Some of y’all have a weird sadism streak tho and I’m concerned for you!!! You remind me of like a 5 year old whispering to their parents in the middle of the night that they’re going to skin mom. But affectionately

Aether: the absolute sweetest people. Genuinely very kind and cares for others I love y’all so much. Just wants to see everyone be happy and tell stupid jokes. Your fav color is like yellow or purple I’m almost positive. Your love language is touch and words of affirmation. Y’all don’t have much to say but you’re such a ray of sunshine kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss

Dew: babe ………. Babe. I love you. This is the most self destructive answer. I think we need to stop consuming caffeine and let’s instead maybe see a therapist. You’re so fun, and funny. You’re a little shit (affectionately) people love you a lot more than you think. How about we learn to accept compliments? And maybe how to sit down? But you’re very entertaining!!!

Swiss: alright you stupid cunt. Funniest fucking people ever. Also horniest people ever. Y’all are great leaders, usually have bold personalities. Life of the party. But also let’s learn how to be nice to others. Bullying those we love is not a valid love language but you’re very very funny so, give and take I guess. Also youre hot you must be I don’t make the rules. 

Cumulus: sweetest people also. Mom friend. I know you probably have a giant purse that you keep candy and ibuprofen in. Let’s maybe learn to put the air mask on ourselves before others? Usually fairly shy but it’s ok I love you. You look amazing in a sundress, and you’re like the least judge mental person ever. I’m feeding you a strawberry rn let me know if you receive it

Cirrus: god YOURE HOT. You’re so fucking confident. You are here to tell people what to do and get shit done, and every listens to you. You’re the plan maker. Here’s the itinerary and if you don’t like it figure something else out. You give good solid and very honest advice

Sunny: ohhh my sweet summer child. You’re a lot! I love you for it! You want to do everything all the time and know everything about everything, so so very curious. You ate glue as a child, affectionately. But it’s ok! You’re adorable and very yellow coded. Probably eats dessert before dinner, you absolutely have a sweet tooth.

Phantom: hey another dumbass, affectionately. Put down the fucking green hair dye. PUT IT DOWN. Y’all are golden retriever people, usually just very happy to be here. Puts on a badass face but very nice and usually kinda chill. Cargo shorts and pants are not the only fashion choices if you were not already aware, but it’s ok you’ll grow out of it!

Aurora: you’re so cute!! Probably a bit mean, very much a princess. Prissy and wants what they want when they want it. But you know being kind is cool and usually wanna sit and listen to other people.

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Normally im anti gatekeeping but can we make a rule that if you just read the headline of an article and don’t read the whole thing and/or check its source, your not allowed to be a witcher fan, how am I supposed to believe someone read a 7 book series if they can’t even read past a headline

This is common sense to check and verify but in the ere of social media, the truth is "feelings". And headlines and short reads are sadly the norm. And they (those who write these articles) know it. Basically if they get your affect they win. Because it is way easier to believe your heart than try to work out your head. And a good title is sometimes just all they need.

Personally, I can't believe someone has read the 7 books saying that this season is not book accurate enough. Of course this isn't 100% book accurate. There are deviations (some bigger than others) and inventions. But for the big parts, the framing, and even some details, this is.

You know, I clashed with an internet friend who told me she read the books and was saying things like I see on hater posts. I just learnt after few precise questions that she stopped at Blood of Elves. She was repeating just other hater stuff because they pushed every buttons that triggered her about what she knew. She is a witcher fan but for the frame she knows. She still doesn't like the show and I respect her real arguments for that but I just saw here the work of confirmation bias.

We have a tendency to believe more someone who say something close to our own feelings or inner belief. And if you made your opinion beforehand there is no way you get out of the pit easily. It needs work and patience to compare and verify, and read the books to check again etc.

Also when you play the games, the experience is very different and very compelling in its storytelling. I knew the games before the series and the books, through let plays and I loved it. So I bet there are a lot of gamers in the frustrated mass. They are fans also, of course, but through a different lence. And they probably want a different experience from the show. Experience they will never get since the framing stays the books. So ... frustration again.

And I can give a "funny" example for people don't read but say they have just to push the cursor on the down level.

When you see people downrating episode 7 to the worst episode ever with so many complaining about the source material, you know that they have not read the books. The 7th episode is the worst noted ever and this is the most book accurate thing of the whole series, period !

They downrate it mostly because there is not enough of what they want in it. Again. Feelings and frustration are speaking not the head.

And that is exactly what those articles do or what attracts people to the hater videos. A lot of people are frustrated since S2 and locked on that frustration for months, so they were already willing to burn the season before hand. They find here and there other people that express frustration and anger and each deviation from the source material is more commented than what is correct. And I don't even go to the place where this is only to deguise shady discourses.

Bonus :

I just put that picture here again since it's lost in my big review of S3 and it amuses me a lot to play dumb to confront people to reality. Too much politics, mages and Ciri... Well this is the books... You're welcome 😅

I am sorry if I deviated in my answer but I need to say things clearly. And I am sure that conclusion won't be read by those who believe I agress them.

For me there are different kind of fans. All valid. But in terms of opinions about the show I discard almost immediately the headline burst of anger ones and I value those who can articulate both positive and negative points of view.

[wintermutal]

i dont peer into the seedy underworld of 13-14 year old scp fans on this website very often for obvious reasons but after spending 30 seconds on a blog a moment ago i feel like someone has to explain to these kids the context scp was incubated in and why it isnt surprising why this kind of thing keeps happening.

see, there's kind of a selection bias that's happened with scp over the years thats kind of darkly funny, in a way. the people who originally made scp were depressed, socially isolated people in the late 2000s on 4chan, which, to be fair, was at the time not yet a nazi echo chamber. it was created kind of with the backdrop of anonymous and occupy wall street following a horrible economic depression, but also was at a time that was ramping up to gamergate. the people who made scp, including people like duckman, were people who were heavy 4chan users at this time and were doing this as a haha funny writing project on a whim who did not expect it to survive as long as it did. they made their author avatars as fun dnd-esque self inserts and did not expect others to do the same. they didn't want to make rules, they had to as more people than they expected joined, and they didn't expect to get this big; there's a reason why the wiki is hosted by wikidot, a long-outdated, clunky platform meant to host small projects that i suspect is held completely aloft by this site alone by this point. they didn't stop because they reaped the benefits at first, and some people reaped those benefits more than others, and some people tried to change and some people didn't.

both a lot and not much at all can be said about this sort of thing, you know. id venture to say that a lot of people who were on 4chan at that time have grown into completely different, normal, fully functioning human beings-- most of which have since left scp to go to greener pastures, and many of which still write to this day and are very different as creators now, and many of which now have families and stuff like that. but its like. man, i look at duckman, i see young incoming scp tweens like i used to be being super confused and scared about it, and they should be because that shit is fucked and has been for years and staff absolutely knew and did nothing, but like. i hate to sound like a grizzled, jaded ex-scp guy, but i encourage you not to be surprised, and if you think that this stuff isn't built to some extent into the very marrow of scp and the wiki and the community it's put together over the years, youd be wrong lmao. that's not to say that the people who were there didn't try their best to cut it out, but you'd be wrong.

in short: why are so many scp authors and staff, even modern ones, so unhealthily addicted to the wiki? well. you know. i suspect it has something to do with the fact that it's a bizarre extended power fantasy with a thin moral justification borne off of 4chan by (at the time) depressed, chronically online teenagers and 20-somethings who to some extent intended at first to play with that moral justification and ask difficult and valid questions about what this institution is doing-- as is one purpose of science fiction in general-- but that has since its inception built both an in-universe and out of universe social hierarchy based on how much you write about your self-insert, which rewards people with clout that often ends up translating to actual irl power over others to the point where you cannot question the foundation without questioning the foundation. it is actually quite fucked lmao

[mfshipbracket]

this is a very silly question my apologies but people have different meanings of the word "ship" so: did you envision this as specifically romances or more general character dynamics/commitments? signed an aroace whose fave ships are all mf qprs trying to decide whether to vote for royriza or bella/edward based on the answer LMAO

i didn’t explicitly state anywhere that these were solely romantic interpretations and definitely thought of it in the sense of dynamics and like. there’s no criteria or any rule to how u choose to vote !!

ppl are voting cuz they’re haters and that’s funny and as valid as ppl voting for their romantic otps and that’s also as valid as ppl voting based on their favorite platonic ships or qprs hehe.. it’s whatever makes the most sense in your head and what you like best!! or hate the most and vote against that. ship being short for relationship but the relationship is anything u want etc etc. happy voting :]

[evolutiononthebrain]

Quack Pack Incorrect Quotes

@salvepersone this is for you cuz i literally liked all of your quack pack posts 💀💀 (this is, like, ONLY the triplets cuz i forgot to add donald to some of them sorry)

Dewey: You're pathetic!

Huey: You're pathetic-er!

Louie: You're both losers.

***

Louie: I am strong! I beat Huey at arm wrestling!

Dewey: Anyone can beat Hueson at arm wrestling!

Huey: Hey-

***

Louie: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?

Huey: The final boss.

Dewey: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?

Louie: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

***

Dewey: *looks at Louie*

Dewey: Baby boy. Baby.

Dewey: *looks at Huey*

Dewey: Evil.

***

Louie, watching power lines fall down: Huey, Dewey! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!

***

Dewey: Louie just insisted Huey and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by his clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real him and which is the imposter.

Dewey: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

***

Louie: Wow! Dewey made you cry?

Huey, tearing up: Yes, and he said some really mean things that are only partly true.

***

Dewey: Can we talk about that mass email you sent?

Huey: Why? It was important.

Dewey: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit".

Huey, shrugging: The people need to know.

***

Huey: Go ahead, Louie. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.

Dewey: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

***

Huey: Nice rock.

Louie: Thanks, Dewey gave it to me.

Dewey: I threw it at you!

Louie: Isn’t he the sweetest?

***

Louie, to Dewey: Why is Huey not talking?

Dewey: I'm playing the silent game with him.

Louie: Well, then you just lost.

Dewey: I lost two hours ago. I gave him ear plugs and told him to close his eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get him to shut up.

***

Huey, in a jail cell: What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Dewey: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

***

Huey: Dewey! This soup is flaccid!

Dewey: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!

***

Dewey: We need a plan to beat them.

Huey: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.

Dewey:

Huey: Judge me all you want, I get results.

***

Dewey walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Huey, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Huey, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

***

Louie: What happened?!

Huey: Do you want the long version or the short version?

Louie: Sh-short??

Huey: Shit's fucked.

Louie: Okay, long.

Huey: Shit's very fucked.

***

Louie: Oh, here’s my award for the most rules broken!

Huey: That’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from our boss.

Louie, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award!

***

Dewey: I know one person who finds me funny!

Louie: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!

Dewey: Okay then I'm out.

***

Huey: Hey Dewey?

Dewey: Yeah?

Huey: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Dewey:

Dewey: ...What.

***

Louie: Anything else?

Dewey: Yeah. Stay away from me!

Louie: Alright. See you in the room we share.

***

Dewey: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

Huey: "If"

Louie: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

***

Dewey: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!

Huey: This unmitigated poppycock?

Louie: Extravagant hogwash!

Dewey: Okay, stop.

***

Dewey: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.

Huey: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.

Louie: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Huey has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?

Huey: I want to set it off.

***

Dewey: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Huey: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?

Louie: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

***

Huey: Dewey is forbidden from monologuing.

***

Huey: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Dewey: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

[whyisthislife]

what i finally learned is you can't get rid of depression and anxiety but you can dramatically weaken them by:

having a healthy, plant based whole food diet

including such spices as turmeric, nutmeg and cloves in your diet

exercising regularly, moderately (important rule is to do whatever sport/exercise you like)

going to bed before 12 am and getting enough (7-8 hours) sleep

drinking warm water during the day when you feel like it

practicing mindfulness (sitting (or lying or standing whichever's good for you) in a comfortable position and, for a limited period of time, focus only on your breathing; the goal is not having internal monologue)

regularly going for short walks

regularly doing something creative such as drawing or writing, even if you think you're bad at it

pursuing that which you are genuinely curious about, be it your hobby or occupation

keeping your worry and self-compassion diary (everyday spend 5 to 10 minutes writing your worries in the worry diary; then, move on to the self-compassion diary and engage in a dialogue with yourself only as if you are talking to a good friend). The key is, when you start feeling anxious or worried about something just say to yourself, "Hold on, my worry time is scheduled at 4:00 pm. Now shut up and keep quiet."

stop feeding such harmful habits that depression lives on as rumination and avoidance. In order to handle rumination, do the 5,4,3,2,1 exercise (sit somewhere safe and comfortable and start describing 5 objects you see, then 4 objects you can touch, 3 smells you feel, 2 sounds you hear, 1 taste you remember. The goal is to ground yourself by engaging our 5 basic senses, you can mix them up and at the start describe 5 smells you feel, 4 things you can taste and so on. Also, to battle rumination ask yourself if the repeating thoughts you're having lead to any outcome that is helpful to you; if they don't, these thoughts are useless which means not worth thinking. To deal with avoidance simply do what depression says you not to: talking to others, going for a walk, spending time with friends, exercising, go to public places. The funny paradox is that to fight depression you need to do things it forces you not to do. Important to note that you don't have to do everything, just do stuff little by little, step by step. Instead of going for a 40 min walk, go for a 15 min walk.

when you're anxious or overwhelmed doing the 4,5,6 Mississippi breathing exercise. First, you take a deep breath counting to 4 mississipies, second, you hold your breath for 5 mississipies and then you slowly breath out while counting 6 mississipies. You do this drill up to 5-10 times. After this you can do the 5,4,3,2,1 describe-senses exercise i mentioned above

determining your personal values, remembering to put them over your thoughts, feelings and emotions and remembering that you are not your emotions

acknowledging (Yes I feel this way), validating (It's okay to feel this way) and redirecting (Yes I feel this way, but how do I act based on my values?) the difficult emotions

remembering that the best way to fight any fear is to face it, repeatedly and willingly

last but no way the least taking your meds and going to therapy

[ceretweek]

Here are your prompts, folks! The dates for each prompt and more explanations are under the cut if you have questions about interpretations; but in short, every interpretation of any prompt is valid and welcome! Additionally, the last day is free theme day hence why our prompt is just "Eret".

1. The Beginning (July 13th)

This is a day when the event starts so naturally, we suggest you to think about the origins of c!Eret – in every possible way. You could think about their connection to Herobrine and how they came to exist, or their first days on Dream SMP, or, perhaps, the betrayal and them becoming the king – that is also a beginning in some way! You can also bring your own experience into it and make your work about the moment you have discovered c!Eret or became invested in their story.

2. King's Duties (July 14th)

Again, anything you can think of when hearing these words in regards to c!Eret counts. Settling conflicts, establishing treaties, anything to do with diplomacy – or building their fortress, working in the museum, generally making the server a better place. That's what kingship is about, right?

3. Double Trouble (July 15th)

Duo day! Pick any Dream SMP character who you think has an interesting relationship with c!Eret and create something about that relationship.

4. Castle Staff (July 16th)

This is a day for your Dream SMP OCs! The ones working in the castle, as the name suggests, but also those who in general are living under c!Eret's rule. What do they think about their monarch? Tell us all about them! Or, alternatively, if you don't have an OC, you can think about the people working in c!Eret's castle in general. What is their role? Do they have a uniform and how does it look? Anything else that you think would be of note? The possibilities are endless.

5. Pranks & Laughs (July 17th)

The day for lighthearted content! You can think about pranks done by c!Eret or the pranks done to c!Eret and everyone's reaction to either. Or your work might be about just a generally fun situation on the server involving c!Eret; a funny quote or a blooper perhaps? What matters at the end of the day is that everyone is in a good mood.

6. Unwind (July 18th)

Let's talk about c!Eret's free time. What hobbies do you think they have? How do they rest after their duties? Is there anyone in particular they like hanging out with during their downtime? This is a day to calm down and relax.

7. Eret (July 19th)

This is the day c!Eret came to existence – and for our event this is a free theme day. Any ideas that didn't quite fit into other prompts? A Happy Birthday card for c!Eret? Your general thoughts on them? You can share it all with us; there's no limit beside our general rules for this day.

The event operates on GMT time so all the days are counted from 00:00 to 23:59 GMT. Also just to remind you, late submissions are absolutely acceptable and we'll reblog them for a whole week after the end of the event! Don't stress it if you can't finish your work on time. Any participation in the event is welcome and appreciated!

[eukarisparadise]

Vampire the Masquerade: Twilight

I'm going to do one sinful thing and do a VTM/Twilight crossover, but after Cookie Run and Winx Club, I don't find it that surprising anymore. Sorry for my bad English in advance.

In fact, I'm surprised that only few people have noticed the similarities between the two at all – and as someone who has obsessed over Twilight since childhood and developed an obsession with VTM a year ago, I can say that there are literally entire tropes in Twilight that leave the impression that Stephenie Meyer directly copied them from Revised rulebook.

Or, perhaps, she just didn’t like looking for the sarcophagus, which is... valid (Twilight came out in October 5, 2005 and VTMB in November 16, 2004).

But all jokes aside, I think adapting Twilight into a TTRPG would be really interesting because I would die to read a fanfic with that crossover (or maybe I'll just have to write it myself 🥲). But before I start assigning characters to clans, I need to address a few things:

⏳ The setting of Twilight is those same weird times of Thin Blood that the Camarilla Elders were so afraid of (and, as it turns out, for a good reason 💀), where Kindred aren't afraid of the sun or at least aren't as affected by it, and the power over the world of vampires was seized by the Italian mafia. It would be funny to simply assign the Volturi to the Giovanni clan, but all the characters from there would fit perfectly into other clans, so let’s take it that in this universe the concepts of «clan» and «sect» have merged together.

👑 Speaking of which: the Volturi are clearly the local equivalent of the Camarilla. I joked above that Meyer’s inspirational guide to her world of vampires was the Revised rulebook, but I am quite seriously convinced that at least she must have heard the word «Masquerade» somewhere – otherwise, I don’t see where else this similarity came from. An elitist, corrupt ruling community of old vampire farts who are (literally) petrified with time, where not everyone can get, and who make a living by imposing immutable laws (Traditions) and enforcing strict punishments for non-compliance. Or maybe I'm just delusional...

🏴 All the other «clans» (in Twilight that's a group of vampires who, for whatever reasons, decide to stick together and have a more or less publicly open life, but a more appropriate term would be coterie), such as the Cullens or Denali, are, firstly, doomed to nomadism, since they cannot afford permanent protection as in Volterra, and, secondly, they are local Anarchs. But not the kind of Anarch Kindred of Downtown LA (Nines would be disappointed in them), but rather as an Oligarchy of Anarch Barons, like in Hollywood. They don't have the balls to openly tell the Volturilla and their laws to hell, but they preserve the Masquerade strictly, even to the point of organized combat campaigns, as it was in the end of Eclipse.

🩸 Now, packs like James's clan are obvious remnants of the Sabbat. Unlike the local Anarchs, they wander constantly without settling anywhere, even for a short time, and don't even care about the Masquerade, taking people away from them only in cases of extreme necessity. They are absolutely not concerned about the secrecy of their crimes, their level of humanity is much below average, which they, however, don't worry about, since they completely devote themselves to the Beast.

Also! There's a thing is about the soul. In Twilight, the general consensus among vampires is that they don't have one. All those who somehow spoke out on this matter (Aro, Edward, Carlisle) claimed that they were soulless monsters, doomed to Hell, driven only by bloodthirsty instincts. I've heard something similar before... only in VTM it is called the Beast.

So, let's begin.

I. We'll start with the most obvious example, that not only fits perfectly with the description of one entire clan in VTM, but also helps define other characters within the Cullen family. Edward is an obvious Toreador.

And when I say obvious, I mean not only his personality (the archetype of the self-righteous tragic hero-lover with a penchant for art and beautiful suffering, is, in general, the whole essence of the Toreador clan), but also the Disciplines that he showed in books and films, as well as his motives for behaving and acting as he did.

For starters, the fact that Edward is just about the fastest vampire we know of in Twilight is the most direct demonstration of Celerity. His token ability – mind reading – is nothing more than an Auspex (I can't guess the dots with certainty, but he clearly has about 4-5), and in the first film, in the scene where Bella was being harassed by a group of thugs (but to be fair, in the book he just beat them), he actually used what is very clearly depicted as Presence: spreading his aura of menace over a group of people, making them afraid.

He just fits perfectly with the Toreador in terms of abilities, and his personality only confirms this. As I said, Edward is a typical representative of the clan (and I’m not very happy about it since I myself play for the Toreadors and this is my fave clan... 😬), simply because... well, I assume everybody remembers how he behaved? This craving for suffering, idiotic sacrifices in the name of love, manipulation of the feelings of people who depend on him (and resisting the charm of a vampire, especially a Toreador, is a task where any human NPC almost automatically has a losing roll), and, consciously or not, creating conditions for even more drama and complication of everything around. This man is a nightmare to live with, honestly – especially when you realize that he usually manages to get everything his way because of his supernatural charisma, while we, the readers, are well aware that he actually thinks like every other teenage incel you may encounter at your school. He concentrates very heavily on the feelings and specifically love, while at the same time remaining incredibly vain: at first Bella attracted him only because he wanted to rip her throat with his teeth couldn't get through her thoughts, so this allowed him to imagine that she was all so mysterious and «not like other girls» (as he was sincerely repelled by the horny thoughts of his classmates; little did he know that Bella was no different from them). Let's not forget the concerns for his own virtue and mourning for his lost soul and humanity – very strong words for someone who had no problem putting Bella and the people around her in danger many times and then pretending he didn't see it coming (to be fair for the sake of it, if his actions fully correlate with a 17-year-old boy, then his mental development must be as well; he's selfish as one, too). And last but not least – his pretentiousness, which sometimes made me feel cringe: his every compliment to Bella, the language that he uses (no, he's not that old of a vampire and he's very much aware of young people slang) and notorious teary pauses in sentences. If Robert Pattinson was given the task of playing a textbook Toreador, then he did it 100%

II. In VTM the clan is passed down from Sire to Childe: if a Sire belongs to a clan, then his Childer will automatically inherit it. The opposite is also true – if the Childe's clan is reliably known, then so is the Sire's. What I mean is that Carlisle is also a Toreador, and one that fits those same stereotypes too.

We don't know anything about the level of his Disciplines – I'll just assume that he wasn't as focused on developing them as Edward – and he doesn't have a special gift. He has what was described in the books as «supernatural compassion» that allowed him to more easily tolerate a diet of animal blood, but this doesn't really indicate anything other than that he just has a large Willpower pool. We do, however, know why Carlisle sticks to his principles, teaches them to other vampires, and his personality as such.

For starters: his aura of holiness is nothing more than dust in the eyes from Stephenie Meyer; for example, he had no moral concerns about his constant presence in Forks attracting vampires to the area, causing the local Tribe to suffer a rapidly growing numbers of shape-shifters. He has done many things – from financial fraud to intervention in the lives of entire communities, human and otherwise – that are questionable at best, but what does he feel the most remorse for? Ah yes – for the fact that once three hundred years ago he used to feed on human blood. Why? Because it makes him feel bad about himself and ruins his holier-than-thou image. Remember all these talks about «going to hell» and «being damned»? It was Carlisle who put this idea into Edward's mind. Nevertheless, the entire family considers their patriarch to be the epitome of humility and a role model... for just being self-aware. Do you really think he doesn't know about it? Even Bella told him this directly in New Moon.

I'm not trying to say here that Carlisle is a terrible person. I'm trying to say that he clearly can tell right from wrong, while also really believing that he and his family – in which no one really cares as much about morality or values human life as he thinks he does – are really good guys, by turning a blind eye on everything inconvenient. Very Toreador to me.

Also he's fascinated by the classic art even more than Edward, but this may be just the influence of Volturi, idk.

III. Esme is another Carlisle's Childe, and therefore is also automatically a Toreador.

Like Carlisle, she doesn't actually have any special powers – but she does have what was described in the books as «extreme passion» and «ability to warmly and passionately love the people around her» (you get this). The interesting thing is that she and Carlisle were the original Bella and Edward: Carlisle turned the dying Esme into a vampire for the sake of eternal love. I swear, with the way Sires were banned from having relationships with their Childer in V5, the Toreador clan will just leave the Camarilla in a minute.

IV. Let's take a short break from the Toreadors and identify everyone's favorite manic pixie dream girl – Alice.

She is an obvious Malkavian with her gift of seeing the future and general eccentricity, there is no question about it. Interestingly enough, her Sire was an unknown vampire psychiatrist from the mental hospital where Alice was placed by her parents, and who turned her after she had a vision of encountering James (Mr Grout?..)

V. Now back to hell – Rosalie, another's Carlisle's Childe, is also a Toreador (I mean, come on, even her name is a hint to «the Clan of the Rose»).

There is an interesting detail in her story (which is perhaps one of the most tragic in the family) that none of the Cullens can boast of. She had never tasted human blood, never. Even Bella tried it, although when she was still human; Rosalie never drank it, even when she killed her rapists. She does this with back-breaking work, and perhaps her level of humanity is one of the highest in the family, but what is interesting here is how her Toreadorism manifests itself in her particular case.

She doesn't drink human blood not because she values human life, but because it's her way of showing her superior humanity in the family – over Carlisle and over Edward, the ones who claim to care the most. Rosalie, on the contrary, doesn’t care about people at all – she multiple times stated it, and even directly told Bella about this in Eclipse. Well, at least she's honest about it.

Rosalie, like all the other Cullens, only pretends that human lives are important to her, and even then, she does it reluctantly – which is why Edward doesn't think highly of her. Maybe it only seemed to me, but I noticed that Edward has some kind of envy towards her on the basis of «humanity points», because she has an advantage over him and she knows about it; however, I can’t even say with certainty whether Edward likes anyone in his family at all, except Carlisle.

Rosalie, following the good tradition of the Toreador clan, puts love at the forefront, and her main unfulfilled dream is a real family, including children, grandchildren and aging. Vampire life, however, dictates other conditions: it's easier to survive in clans, especially in those where there are gifted vampires (even if they're not her closest friends). It was for this reason that she agreed to take care of Bella when she became pregnant – not because Rosalie suddenly warmed up to her, but because it would give her the opportunity to nurse the baby she herself had longed for.

Again, the things Rosalie does to stay morally pure – refusing to drink human blood and relying on her moral superiority over this – don't make her truly merciful and compassionate, as Carlisle might want her to be: even if Rosalie didn't Embrace Emmett herself, she was selfish enough to carry him miles to Carlisle and beg to turn him so she could have forever love with him. Putting her wishes first, even knowing the hellish pain that transformation brings, and so deciding to pass the responsibility onto someone else... yes, that is a true Kindred.

VI. We're done with simple examples, and now let's move on to those where I hesitated about a clear answer. Emmett Cullen, being the Childe of Carlisle, should also naturally be a Toreador, but he obviously doesn't feel like one, unlike everyone else (with the exception of Alice).

I understand that, at least externally, the Brujah clan would suit him better than anyone else, but the fact that Toreadors cannot be strong warriors is nothing more than a stereotype. No, of course, the most often played out Toreador archetype is a dude who's hobbies consist of hanging late Baroque paintings in the house with records of Italian operetta in the background, but this is not all that art is limited to. Someone once said that a Toreador martial artist is more to be feared than a Gangrel or even a Banu Haqim. Emmett, as he was shown in books and films, always votes for a fight; this could have passed for Brujah clan compulsion if not for his competitive streak. I understand, it’s very far-fetched, but I think it fits. Also the closest example of the power that a Toreador admiring the art of fighting can possess would be Sheriff Qadir al-Asmai from CoNY and SoNY.

VII. An even more confusing example is Jasper Hale. Initially, I thought of adding him to the Toreadors, like all the rest, since the Internet agreed with me: he was Embraced because of his appearance and he possess special talent that clearly resembles Presence, but my personal guess would be Brujah. Yeah, him – not Emmett.

As a soldier, he was chosen by his Sire, Maria, specifically as a fighting unit that would train newborns like himself, and then kill them when they were no longer needed. His whole life was consisting of fightings – and not to say for a just cause (during his lifetime he was a Confederate💀)

But okay, a vampire’s backstory can be anything and it doesn’t depend or correlate with the clan, so what made me think that he is a Brujah? Firstly, they also have Presence. Secondly: his strength and skill in battle can, debatable, but be justified by Potence. And thirdly: the way he behaves. The way I see it, Jasper can't help but constantly fail his Franzy checks, because... this is just a Brujah clan curse.

Over time, of course, he gains more and more Willpower and adapts to an animal diet, but he finally calms down, it seems, only when Bella herself becomes a vampire: that is, the source of provocation (her exceptionally fragrant blood + debilitating vegetarian diet) stops looming before his nose.

VIII. So, the last member of the clan. Bella's case touches on a lot of themes, such as generation and the level of humanity of the Cullens, and when vacillating between a regular Toreador like Edward and a Thinblood, I chose Thinblood because Ratatouille's birth helped me with that.

First of all: Rodimus for sure is a Dhampir (but Stephenie Meyer avoided the word for some reason, preferring «hybrid» instead 🤨). The existence of these half-bloods in VTM is an existing fact as well as in the Twilight canon. They appear when one of the parents is specifically a Thinblood and the other is human, and have some unique traits that Kindred have (a blood pool or the ability to learn some Disciplines), but aren't immortal and can't Embrace or create ghouls.

With all that said, if Edward could impregnate Bella, why didn't I assign him to Thinbloods, but to a regular Toreador? Because, let's be clear once again: the world of Twilight as a whole is the Time of Thin Blood, because it's the only possibility for Kindred to adapt to being under the sun and at the same time retain vampiric traits, such as immortality and some superpowers. This can explain why not everyone here masters the Disciplines, but only specific lucky individuals who retain the ability to develop them – it may be, or may be not, due to the phenomenon of Blood thickening, that lowers one's generation (and doesn't happen to everyone).

Would it be interesting if I simply wrote down absolutely all the vampires from Twilight as Thinbloods? No – for exactly this reason, I'm going to make a second part about the Volturi, where I'll sort them into clans, instead of just slapping the Giovanni label on them all.

So how did it happen then that Edward is not a Thinblood, but Bella is? Well, perhaps his blood is still in the process of thickening, which will lower his generation eventually: Carlisle, as I understand it, is a 13th generation Kindred, which makes all of his Childer 14th. In previous editions of VTM, the 14th generation was considered Thin-Blooded, who still had the ability to Embrace, but 15th didn't. Interesting that in the Dark Ages the 13th generation was also considered Thin-Blooded, and they also couldn't reproduce and create blood bonds, however, over time, their blood thickened and now they're considered absolutely normal Kindred that can do all those things. The same thing happened around 2010-s in the VTM timeline: now the 14th generation are full-fledged Kindred. The problem with the 15th generation is that there's more of them appearing than the blood has time to thicken.

For this reason, I see Edward as a vampire who, during Twilight, was in a period of life where his generation was gradually lowering, which allowed him to have a child with Bella in the moment, but is unlikely to allow him with any other human woman in another 100 years or so.

There is no definite answer as to why the blood thickens or weakens in the first place, other than the ghostly vague narrative tool that is Gehenna. I can only assume that, just as the increasing number of bloodsuckers in the werewolf territory triggers a gene in some of them, forcing more and more of them to shape-shift, some other processes help the Twilight vampires become stronger every day (Bella's gift, which I sincerely can't tie to any Discipline, except for some transcendental level of Presence, could develop so quickly precisely because her blood thickens very quickly and her generation from 15th is already shifting to 14th).

She was Embraced, however, as a Thinblood – just like Edward, with the only difference that he was Embraced at a time when the 14th generation was still considered Thinbloods.

(I use the word «blood» here because it's still a crossover with VTM, and also because the «venom is the only substance in a vampire’s stone body» thing still annoys me)

The only exceptions to this are Jasper and Alice, since they were not embraced by Carlisle: we don't know their generations.

Just like we don't know the level of humanity of each of the Cullens: I would argue that Bella currently has the highest if measured from an objective point of view (just because she's the youngest), but in V5 we no longer have a concept of «humanity» as something definitive. Now it's rather the Kindred’s assessment of their actions with their internal moral code – which is why Edward, with all his feigned self-flagellation about his murders in the past, actually remains a vampire with a fairly high humanity and passes perfectly as a regular normal human, albeit pale.

Same thing with the rest of the Cullens.

***

With all that being said, I believe that the crossover with VTM is a kind of filter – an opportunity to expose all of Twilight's flaws and use them as something interesting, an addition to the universe, make them something that can be used as part of a story about monsters, rather than something to shy away from and choose to turn a blind eye to.

Be you a monster who has renounced everything human and decided to give yourself to the Beast wholeheartedly, like James's clan, or a Kindred who has hopped on the path of enlightenment, deciding to reject all worldliness and find a greater meaning in your existence, beyond the simple blood-sucking curse and everything around you, like Volturi, or decide to delude yourself so much that at some point you really believe that you're still pretty much like humans and even try to adhere to all the virtues that are only available to you in conditions of constant moral compromises, like Cullens – none of you really are good guys. There's no such thing in VTM, and that's why I love it so much.

But of course, Stephenie Meyer just couldn't acknowledge the fact that her precious sparkly creations aren't actually good people – otherwise that would made Twilight something more than a teenage romance, god forbid.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[sweet-prince-marth]

Somebody I follow has decided to hate men. Saying feminists don't hate men enough.

I think being bitter towards men is fine.

But I think I want to think about that further.

I firmly encourage to anyone who supports feminism to do some reading on the subject.

I am no expert, all of my knowledge comes from a "feminism 101"-type of book.

It's called "Las mujeres que luchan se encuentran" (Or "The women that fight find each other" in English) by Catalina Ruiz-Navarro. This book talks about everything you'd like to know about how latin american feminism works.

It talks about social classes, race, gender, sex, body biology, colonialism, abortion, flirting and uh yeah, about men too.

There is even a section named "Do feminists hate men?" under the Gender Violence chapter. In this same chapter, the sections also go through "differences between flirting and harassment, online misogyny, the Me Too movement, Is romance dead?, what are the men's roles?, can men be feminists? advice for men who want to be feminists" and such.

So, let me translate what Catalina Ruiz-Navarro wrote for "Do feminists hate men?":

"The short answer is no. Feminism is about looking for justice and equality between men and women, and the feminisms (She is using plural here to talk about the general intersection of feminism from all types of women and people), each one from their corner, offer a critique on how gender inequality joins forces with other types of oppression and exploitation. The feminist movements go against systems, of structural problems, not against individual men in particular. The feminisms also take different postures in front of cisgender men, but there are not universal rules in which us feminists should present towards men in general (In a previous chapter, Catalina shares how feminists from indigenous groups have other ways of life among men). However, the short answer is also Yes. What we call Man, cisgender, heterosexual, white, educated, Man, is a power model, and the people in these bodies many times abuse of that power. And the truth is, if you are a woman who understands what feminism blames, one cannot help but feel a certain type of fury for these unjust acts. We have the right to be angry. Women have gotten their rights negated and received violent exploitation in systematic ways. In some parts around the internet "thank goodness women want equality and not revenge" can be heard around. This anger is valid. What matters is telling the difference between hatred, which is a personal feeling, from discrimination, which is a structural problem that removes our rights. Same with misogyny, it is not enough to hate somebody to perpetuate violence on them and negate their rights. You would need a culture, an inequality structure, to favor discrimination."

but like yeah, I love this book anyway :D

Next chapter is titled "Sex" and opens with a section called "How are feminists supposed to fuck now?" which I think is funny.

Totally recommend reading the whole thing.

[gemsofgreece]

I saw the post about Erasmian accent.... please allow me to add on to this rant. Let's take the simplest word and the simplest word and the simplest grammatical rule.

Εἶναι. Pronounced ee-neh. Two syllables.

The tone it has is a perispomeni ( ῀ ) and it is there for one reason:

the "ει" in the first syllable is a long term vowel (sorry i do not know if this is the correct term in english)

the "αι" in the second syllable is a short term vowel.

long term before short term = gets a perispomeni.

its legit the most basic rule you learn for ancient greek.

and if anyone says "its pronounced as two letter but its one syllable" well lemme tell you what!! it ruins the whole point!!!!

the long and short term letters and grammatical rules about their punctuation were literally created for the flow of the words and for everything to sound in-place. if you add another letter it destroys the entire rulebook, whether it is theoretically one syllable or not.

and if we go on, the erasmian accent will just keep ruining more and more rules. i am so disappointed that my greek language teacher told me about the erasmian accent. she is a filologist and might know a bit more, but if you think about it it just doesnt make sense! it ruins the flow and beauty of pronouncing a word the right way.

Very good example. I think it's funny because even though αι and οι are generally long vowels (which are conventionally and questionably pronounced as two syllables), in the end of the word they become short vowels (one syllable pronounced as such). So... since the two letters are pronounced separately how can this be explained grammatically? Each letter has the length of half a syllable or something XD honestly how such things have escaped people so much...

Inspired by your example, I found another similar one: the word άνθρωποι (humans). The stress is on the antepenultimate which means that the last syllable must mandatorily become short as the antepenultimate syllable can never be stressed if the last one is long. With the Erasmian, not only the syllable doesn't become short but it also lasts the length of two syllables, raising the stress even higher in the word which is impossible, violating three basic rules simultaneously (the never antepenultimate when the last syllable is long, the change of the diphthongs to short when they are in the end and the impossibility of having a stress higher in the word than on the antepenultimate).

I think some Greeks in the past did spread the Erasmian (and a few still do), or at least some of its elements that are more valid, due to the overwhelming perception of western academics as the ultimate authority on everything. I imagine it would be hard for a linguist to phrase a different theory without getting marginalised. It's weird how fiercely defensive western scholars and students have been about Erasmian - most still go literally feral if you express doubts on its validity. Let's remember Erasmus was a Dutch who lived in 15th-16th centuries and never in his life met a Greek, medieval or modern or ancient. He never had exposure to spoken Greek, so I don't get why people swear by him without a second thought. Of course, for his time, his work has been colossal and great but achievements do age, and sometimes not very well.

[citrusreadstoa]

Reading The Dark Prophecy: Chapter 27 (SPOILERS)

Alrighty, I'm back from the holiday season! It went fantabulously, thank you so much for asking.

"when a bronze dragon smashes into them." *chanting* FESTUS! FESTUS! FESTUS!

"If you ask me, she's just jealous of their beautiful faces. BOOM!" Another good insult lost to the BOOM... Do you think Apollo would get smote if he insulted the gods? Do you think he's more or less likely to be smote than the average demigod (I say average because we know no one can top Percy's eagerness to piss off the Olympians)?

"Hello, we are your friends. You're going to die. Come with us." Oh, no. Twenty bucks the Hunters will at some point try to recruit Meg. She's exactly the right age and has exactly the right amount of murderous zeal. She probably wouldn't join, but the thought of Apollo having to work for one of his sister's immortal Moon cultists is funny.

"with choppy black hair" THA-LI-A!

"Lityerses, get out there!" "Sire... you were about to relieve me of duty. By killing me?" LMAO the ultimate entitlement.

"Something inside me, no doubt a character flaw, made me feel pity for the wounded Cornhusker." Something doesn't align with your traditional godly morals? Gotta be a character flaw. Honestly, I'm surprised he admitted he had a flaw at all instead of just blaming it on the mortal body.

"What's up, Lesteropoulos?" Apollo had a choice between telling Leo his mortal name and keeping it to himself, letting them continue to refer to him as Apollo. Clearly, he made the wrong decision.

"Can't I just let Festus stomp him?" Valid point, but have you considered: I am a sucker for a redemption arc. "Commodus betraying this swordsman made me almost as angry as . . . Zeus abandoning me in the mortal world for the third time." On that level? That's quite a leap.

"Thalia Grace climbed up behind me on the elephant--which fulfilled a daydream" Very specific daydream. Also, didn't Thalia renounce her last name? Thus, she wouldn't be Thalia Grace anymore, just Thalia. It was mentioned at the start of The Titan's Curse, I think, and definitely reiterated at the start of The Lost Hero when Jason asks what Thalia's last name is and Annabeth says she doesn't use it anymore but says that it used to be Grace, and that's what jogs his memory to recall his own last name. In short, everyone calling her Thalia Grace has been stomping all over her wishes. Thalia is not Thalia Grace -- she's just Thalia.

"Iphigenia, get the rest of the Hunters out of here." IPHIGENIA! I know I'm talking too much through this, but Iphigenia was the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra and when the Greek armies going to Troy could not proceed because Agamemnon had killed one of Artemis's sacred stags (like the dickhead he is), Artemis demanded her as a sacrifice. Agamemnon agreed to kill his own daughter so the armies could proceed to Troy and sacrificed her. In some versions, she just dies. In other versions, they all think she died but she was whisked away by Artemis to who-knows-where. I guess PJO Iphigenia was taken to join the Hunters! This little nod brings me so much joy.

"I'd forgotten how wonderful sunlight felt!" You... really? Ha... really?

"I drank, and my vision cleared immediately." I was going to say, I guess we have our answer to whether Apollo can still have nectar and ambrosia, but the elephant also drank it. "It's moonwater." Ah? So Apollo doesn't know about it. Is it supposed to be a secret and they've just had a serious info leak by Thalia telling it to Apollo? Or is this fine?

"Zeus has forbidden her from seeing you." Bitch (Zeus). "She's not even supposed to give us orders to help you." This was expected, actually. Of course he would forbid Artemis from helping her brother and from directing her cultists to do the same. Still, gods get around rules like this all the time. She must show up at some point. Then again, I just looked up her character art and SHE HAS NONE. So...

"We've been searching for a particular monster for months now" And every time they say that, the monster in question shows up within the book. Tell me it's not Sssssarah.

"Britomartis . . . urging them to come here . . . let's-pretend-that-never-happened." Oh, so Britomartis is good for something other than trapping sofa cushions and looking pretty.

"I was younger then" You have been frozen in time since then, but it's true mentally you've still matured. "I'd just spent several years as a pine tree." You specifically said you hardly felt those years go by. "My vision and reasoning were impaired from sap damage." That is hands-down the stupidest excuse I've heard come out of her mouth.

"he launches a reprisal." REPRISAL (n.): an act of retaliation