#the things that have helped me most are. not something docs would prescribe. or something ive seen anyone post about.

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[vanillabat99]

I don't remember if I said anything here, but I finally got into the Chronic Pain Clinic!! I've had my introductory appointments, and tomorrow I see an occupational therapist!! For the first time, I finally feel like I'm gonna actually get somewhere with my pain, and it's such a relief :3

I've set some goals too!! The main one would be to be able to shower consistently, since I struggle a lot with just getting clean once a week. My other goal is to cook or bake something once a week!! I also put out a third, not so realistic goal, of being able to stand for a choir performance!! The first two are more important to me, but the last one would be nice, even if it's just once.

[pixelyssa]

★彡 reanswering an old ask below:

as a high r3str1cter here’s what i do:

★彡DRY F4ST!NG: 7pm-11am (i have water/meds/gum only if necessary)

It is beneficial when done for 16+ hours. and the best part is we do it in our sleep every night! 

dry means no f00d, no water. since starting this, i’ve noticed less bloating, my “morning sk1nny” lasts longer. i’ve gotten used to my dry f4st times and no longer overe@t at night, which also makes me feel good in the morning. I have acid reflux, and e@ting before bed triggers it. It also triggers, slower met@bolism, difficulty digesting and can disturb your sleep! So even if you aren’t comfortable dry f4sting before bed, atleast not having solid f00ds a couple hours before bed helps, and you will see/feel a difference.

If you tend to get cravings at night, this may be hard at first. here’s how i stopped mine:

(warning, im delulu hehe)

-i always remind myself how i feel after the fact. or the morning after. (guilty, embarrassed, weak) and eventually i was strong enough to let that feeling take over. 

-watch a mukbang or e4ting challenge for the f00d im craving and chugging water until im full lol

-i have insomnia so i have an as needed medication for sleep that knocks me out. if you also struggle to sleep, i def recommend finding ur cure. whether its rain sounds, complete darkness, shutting ur devices off, or melatonin (PRO TIP: do not buy melatonin gummies. Do not consume the 5mg or 10mg or 20mg supplements of melatonin. when our bodies lack melatonin, we only need .5mg MAX, which is sold in pill form or can be prescribed by your doctor! anything higher will just make you immune and it will stop working eventually, it also will make it difficult to get up in the morning.)

★彡COFFEE

-i drink coffee as soon as my dry fast ends. It suppresses my app3t1te for a while and it helps my bowels hehe (i also need the caffeine to get me through the day)

-i HATE black coffee, i prefer brown stevia and a splash of cream/almond milk. but whatever you like!

-i usually have 1-2 cups to start my day. 

-if you don’t like coffee, tea is also good. there are certain types that can do different things for you ofc, i like green tea for the caffeine and metabolism boost (same reason i drink coffee). but i’ve heard good things about ginger tea, mint tea, etc. (if youre a tea person i don’t need to even explain, you know.)

★彡SAVING C4L0RI3S 

-i try save them for the end of the day, that way when its dinner time and i’m hungry, I’m not feeling like i need to find something small to fit the rest of my lim1t. (the coffee helps with this step)

-i stay distracted and i really worked on self discipline to be able to get through this one lol.

★彡CHOOSE FILLING F00DS OVER FILLER F00DS

-for example, 2 oreos and juice is the same amount of c4lories as my chocolate chip pancakes r3cipe. cookies aren’t filling, you’ll just want more. theyre a filler. whereas 3 chocolate chip pancakes with berries and syrup is filling and satisfies the same craving. 

-if you like to use ur c4lories for snacks that’s completely fine, im not judging you <3 it just leads to overe@ting for me.

-i usually have 1 meal and 1-2 snacks throughout the day. I have my google doc link ready to go if anyone 18+ would like to see, comment and let me know youre of age and ill message u it (DONT DM ASKING I WONT SEE IT) <3

★彡M3TABOLISM DAYS

-by now you’ve probably heard the term “meta” or “metab” day. most people will do this once a week, it is basically where you spike your l1mit for the day. constantly lowering your intake will slow your metabolism and eventually you’ll start maintaining, or plateauing. This is to help boost your metab! Its also good for holidays, or days where you have plans involving f00d. It’s hard at first, but if you’ve been stuck at the same w3ight, its good to start doing this. 

-i do one once a week, but i’ve seen people do them in 10 day increments or even twice a month.

-a friend of mine told me metabolism days should be -200 of your bmr (you can calculate your bmr online) that would make my metab day l1mit around 800-900 c@l. (which is 300+ higher than my normal limit, incase you want to just add to your current intake instead of calculating your bmr) it should be a close to a “normal” l1mit. 

-there are chances of g4ining, of course, from metab days. don’t shy away from it if you feel too scared to g4in, this was my mistake and i was stuck at 102 for WAY TOO LONG. metab helped me break 100, and now im almost at my next goal. Metabolism days are for everyone, it’s not just sk1nny people who plateau and demolish their metabolisms. try it out, its a nice treat <3

★彡WATER INTAKE & VITAMINS

we should be drinking over 2L of water a day (you can google and calculate your specific amount needed per day, im just a girl) 

-drink your necessary amount THROUGHOUT THE DAY. it is sm water to have in one sitting so the only possible way to get it all in is to have it all day. tt’ll make you feel better too.

-this is something i struggle with, i just don’t enjoy water. I’m on and off with when i enjoy it and when i can’t get myself to drink it. If anyone else struggles, i’ve realized that ice cold water is easiest for me to drink.

-water gives the illusion of feeling full, it literally keeps you alive, and obviously sm more lol

-i take vitamin d, vitamin c, calcium and a women’s multi vitamin for metabolism every day. the water is important for helping my body absorb these. Look into other vitamins but these are what i take based on my deficiencies. 

-i take gummy vitamins, they have more c4lories than a pill, but its like a sweet treat after my meal so i’ll probably stick to gummies <3 make sure you chew them all the way through if you get these!

★彡IVE BEEN DOING THIS WAY TOO LONG Our b0dies are all different. what works for me might not work for you, and that’s fine, love! I’m sharing what i do because there is a lot of general knowledge in my routines, so i thought i’d share. 

[brotherwtf]

Maybe buck taking care of sick bucky…? There’s a lot of fics the other way round but I think it’s sweet to see buck doing too

omg Buck would dote on Bucky so much it ain't even funny at this point lmao

----

When John woke up with a hacking cough, Gale tried to ignore his protests of "I'm fine" and force him to stay at home in bed. They weren't as convincing when his voice was shot to all hell and he could barely get a sentence out before coughing again, though.

Despite Gale's best efforts, John still went to work that day and Gale waited anxiously by the phone in case someone called to come get him.

It was around noon when the phone finally rang throughout the house and Gale ran to pick it up. A woman with a nasally voice speaks when Gale answers.

"Is this Gale Cleven?" She asks, sounding bored and uninterested.

Gale huffs out something that sounds like an affirmation and she continues.

"It's Mr. Egan, he's not doing too great and told me to call his emergency contact--"

She's not able to finish her sentence before Gale hangs up the phone and practically bolts out the door and towards their truck. The whole drive to the bar Gale is cursing under his breath at just how stupid John must be for going to work when he's clearly sick.

When he arrives, he darts into the bar and finds John slumped over at a table, forehead resting on his pillowed arms. Gale shakes his head but can't help the smile that spreads across his face. He walks over and places a hand on his shoulder, smiling when John jolts and looks up at him. His face is flushed red and his forehead is clammy, and Gale shakes his head.

"Come on, Bucky. Let's get you home," Gale says, dragging John away from the table and into their truck.

He bids a quiet 'thank you' to the very tired looking woman standing at the bar and gently guides John to the car. He looks worse than this morning, but Gale doesn't have the heart to chew him out quite yet.

John lolls his head in the passenger seat as they drive home and mutters things to himself, some that Gale catches but most just incoherent mumbling.

"... much worse during the war... I'll be fine," John huffs when Gale wrestles him out of the car again.

Gale has half a mind to start chewing him out now, saying things like that, but the way John smiles stupidly up at him makes all of the words die on his tongue.

He's able to maneuver John into their bed with some shushing and drags the covers over him. He places a hand on John's forehead and tenses at how hot it is. John was in no place to be working at all.

"Will I live, doc?" John groans, leaning into Gale's touch and smirking gently.

Gale smiles down at him, running a hand through his sweaty curls.

"Outlook not so good, Bucky. I prescribe you to a whole week of bed rest before you even think about working again," Gale mutters and John shakes his head.

"Darn. Well I sure got the prettiest nurse to help me heal, when do you get off of work, doll?" John asks and Gale rolls his eyes before leaving his bedside and wandering to the kitchen.

He heats up some chicken broth he finds in the pantry and throws some plain crackers in his arms before venturing back to his and John's room.

John has moved around until he's on his stomach, somehow wrapping the entire blanket around his legs and shoving the pillow off of the bed. His eyes are open, but barely, and Gale walks over with a silent laugh.

"Come on Bucky, you gotta eat something before you go to sleep," Gale says, coaxing John back up until he's sitting against the bed frame.

Gale pushes his hair back again, sitting on the side of the bed and spoon feeding John chicken broth and crackers until John pushes him away.

"Don't wanna get you sick," John mutters, laying back down and burying his face into the pillow he had shoved onto the floor.

Gale shakes his head and sits more comfortably in the crook of Johns body, gently massaging John's scalp and toying with his hair. It makes his eyes droop and his breathing get steadier.

"I'm not going anywhere, John," Gale whispers, and smiles when John falls asleep beneath him.

omg this was so soft to write, thank you so much anon!!

[wing-dingy]

Remember when I said I wasn't gonna post fanfics? I lied. I'm gonna post just this one as an excuse to have some Johnshi in my life but also because its rare I write a fic that isnt a self indulgent oc fic

This is just a lil fic where Kenshi comforts Johnny after a stunt on set leaves him with an injured ankle, mostly cute banter. Also sorry if the formatting looks weird, i dont normally post fics to tumblr so idk how to space my paragraphs like I do on google docs.

Click. Step. Click. Step.

The Hollywood actor carried himself on his crutches across the room, from the door to his living room couch, where he saw Kenshi waiting in anticipation.

“Honey, I'm home,” Johnny announced in a parody of those old movies, how he loved his dumb movie references.

“Doesn't sound like good news. Are those crutches?” Kenshi asked, judging by the sound and the patterns of the sound. Though he usually relied on Sento for sight, he hardly ever felt the need to in a casual setting, so it rested in the mantle above the fireplace.

“Yeup. Doc says I'll need ‘em for a few weeks, a month at most.”

Kenshi crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch. “Was that stunt still worth it?”

Johnny snorted, “Totally, the shot came out perfect! You may not know this, but I do all of my own stunts. Impresses everybody when I tell them that!” He dropped a small paper bag of his prescribed painkillers on the coffee table and sat next to Kenshi, wincing as he lifted his ankle to rest it on the same table.

“Aren't stuntmen used so the real actors don't get hurt?”

“I mean- yeah. But don't worry, they're just gonna film everything else until I come back, which should be in no time. I'm just built different.”

Kenshi could just hear the cocky smile, causing him to shake his head in disbelief, but he couldn't hold back the small bit of laughter at Johnny’s pride and confidence. “Alright, but it looks like it's my turn to take care of you again.”

“Don't sweat it, Ken doll, I can take care of myself. You've already helped me enough, and you've got yourself to look after,” He noted all too seriously. Obviously there still rested some guilt in his heart over Mileena's rabid attack that day.

“That ankle needs to rest. That movie needs you and you need the money from it.” Undeniable. Johnny was still getting back on his feet (not literally now) after a messy and expensive divorce, he needed whatever work he could get at the moment. “You just let me know when you need something.”

Johnny sighed as he looked down at his injured ankle. These next few weeks were going to be the most boring while of his life.

Kenshi seemed to know Johnny wasn't feeling so good by the sudden quietness, not even a silly request from his offer. When Johnny of all people was quiet, there was a problem. “Johnny? You alright?”

“Yeah… I've just never been good at sitting still and doing nothing, you know? Now I can't even use my own pool in my living room,” He complained, as if having a pool in the living room was a normal thing.

“Come on, Johnny, you still have a whole mansion. Unless your attention span really is that small, you're not gonna get bored,” Kenshi lovingly poked at him. “It’s not like you're alone either.”

Johnny noded with a small smile of comfort. “That's right, I've got you, my best friend, boyfriend, and assigned FBI agent,” Johnny joked. Gods, not again with the assigned FBI agent meme. “And hey, maybe we can invite Kung Lao and Raiden over to hang out. You think Liu Kang would wanna drop by?”

Kenshi gave an amused smirk. “Probably not, but Kung Lao, might.”

Johnny looked down at the table again, spotting a marker. He groaned and wheezed as he leaned over to grab it, trying not to move his ankle off the table as his finger tips barely touched the marker.

“Johnny what are you-” Before he could finish his question, he felt a marker tapping against his hand.

“You wanna be the first to sign my cast?” Johnny offered, trying to play it off cool but his excitement was slipping past in his voice.

“You mean Hollywood’s megastar wants my autograph?” Kenshi teased. He took the marker into his hand, and Johnny guided his hand down to his cast. Confidently, Kenshi began writing his name.

“Not bad writing for someone who can't really see,” Johnny complimented, meaning it obviously and trying to make it sound like that rather than a mockery.

“I still know the motions of writing, that's enough to get by.” Of course Johnny hadn't seen Kenshi's messier writing at his job and maybe it should stay that way.

The real surprise was the small heart he drew right below his own name. Kenshi wasn't so into PDA, nor into cutesy stuff like that, so it caught Johnny off guard to see the small display. It wasn't like people didn't know they were dating, Johnny was way too into showing off their love and too loud to keep that secret, but it was rather that Kenshi was a more subtle lover when it came to their relationship, preferring to keep things behind doors. Still, it was a nice surprise, and at least now it made the cast way better to look at! Of course Johnny was already pulling out his phone to snap a photo of it to post to his socials.

“You're posting your cast, aren't you?” Kenshi reasonably accused.

“Gotta let the fans know production might be on hold.”

“Is that it? Or are you bragging about us again?”

Johnny snickered, meaning Kenshi was right. “Okay, you got me, but how can I not show you off? You're the coolest! A blind swordsman? Dating Hollywood's biggest hit? We're like a power couple!”

If Kenshi still had his eyeballs, he'd be lovingly rolling them, but admittedly it was kind of cute seeing how enthusiastic Johnny was about their relationship- and kind of funny to think about considering they were previously rivals over Sento.

Kenshi leaned in to press a kiss to Johnny's cheek, and he could feel the wrinkles of a smile under his lips. “Looks like you're feeling better about that ankle.”

“As long as I have you by my side, this injury is gonna be a breeze!” Now it was Johnny's turn to lean in, this time leaning to rest his head on Kenshi with closed eyes and a content smile. Kenshi reciprocated by wrapping an arm around Johnny to hold him. “Shit, that medicine they gave me is starting to catch up.”

“You get sleepy off of a couple Tylenols,” Kenshi playfully quipped, making Johnny laugh.

“Just saying it's a good excuse to nap on you! Unless you're gonna tele-fling me to bed again.”

Kenshi shook his head. “Maybe when your ankle isn't as broken. Right here is fine, just keep your ankle up.”

“Sweet,” Johnny happily murmured as he felt himself starting to doze off. Damn, Tylenol really did knock him out.

[riddle-me-ri]

Hello! Congratulations on 500 followers!! It is I; the sleep deprived anon. Got a slightly better schedule now. Doc literally prescribed me less work and more sleep, but that was mostly because I hit my head under a desk and got a minor concussion.

Anyway, I hope you’re taking more time for yourself! Your writing is fantastic as always, and I’m really happy for you 😊

If I may, can I request something for your event with Gotham City Sirens Riddler? I have so many thoughts about this man and not enough brainpower to express it. If I had to pick one from your list, I’d go for a first date night drabble with a large side of fluff and a medium soda.

Night night! Congrats again!

A/N: Hey there sleep deprived anon! Ouch, I’m sorry to hear about your minor concussion! I hope you’re doing much better with your improved schedule! I’ll definitely be taking more time for myself soon! Thanks so much, I’m glad you think my writing is fantastic! That means a lot! Ohhh yes, Gotham City Sirens Riddler my beloved, P.I. Riddler, I can absolutely do that for you!

Word Count: 541

Gotham City Sirens Riddler - First Date Night

When Edward offered to buy dinner one night, you couldn't say no. 

Yet, you couldn't help but ponder over if…it's a date or not?

It definitely gave off..date vibes? You dressed formally, as was Edward sitting in front of you. He even wore a different suit that was a richer forest green than the bright one he wore at work. 

The restaurant you were at was…no hole in the wall either. There were chandeliers spaced throughout the ceiling. Fine linen decorated the tables accented with a candelabra in the middle of each. 

Your instincts were telling you that this was a date, but you didn't want to read too much into it either.

Edward cleared his throat and that somehow broke you out of your reverie.

"A penny for your thoughts?" 

You ought to just ask. Be upfront…

"I'm just curious as to why…you wanted to get dinner? Not-not that I don't mind! I'm just…" 

"You want to know if this is a date?" 

You gulped. Were you really that obvious? Perhaps, he was wondering the same thing. 

You simply nodded, worried you would incriminate yourself somehow more if you spoke. 

“I wanted to do something…to show my gratitude. I know I’m not the easiest man to work for, nor always the most pleasant but…I do appreciate your effort and…while I could do things myself. You have helped make running a small investigation firm much easier.” 

All of a sudden you wanted to throw up the piece of the dish you tried to eat. How stupid you were to even consider-

“But I would be lying if I said I didn’t hope for something to prosper from this…” 

Wait, what?

“W-Wait you mean?” 

Edward smiled softly. “I mean it when I say I don’t know where I would be or what I would do without you. I know I don’t show it…I know I don’t say it enough. But…this reform of mine. I knew it was going to be difficult, it would be hard for anyone to believe it.” 

He continued. “Then you answered my riddle in my job ad for the office assistant position. And you fearlessly…didn’t care. Whatever I handed to you, you…dealt with…with complaints I’m sure.”

You guffawed. “Yeah, no, I…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t curse your name, your birth, your mom maybe..”

“Mm-hm.” 

“Sorry.” 

Edward chuckled. “Don’t be. I, again, don’t blame you. But, you could have left at any point. You could have gotten up and quit. And, I wouldn’t blame you.”

Ed reached his hand out and gently placed it over yours. 

“You…you’ve stayed. In this crazy city, full of gods, goddesses, villains, and heroes…you stuck by me, an ex-rogue turned detective.”

You placed your other hand over Edward’s and held it, running your thumb over his knuckles. “There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck to. Although, I’d argue you’re stuck with me than vice versa.” 

Edward laughed. “That may be the case on some days. Much like you said, I couldn’t imagine a better person to be with. If you choose to take this…relationship further?” 

You smiled, eyes widened in excitement. Your fingers slowly interlocked with his. 

“This is starting to be an amazing first date, Eddie.” You winked.  

[makethatelevenrings]

Prescribed Burn // Zuko x f!OC

writing is supposed to be self indulgent and I’ve had this sitting in my docs for months so....I’m posting it. I have more chapters. I have ideas. Who knows what will happen from here on out?

Warnings: allusions to abuse, war, the aftereffects of war

@yanna-banana​ thank u for enabling me

She knew her life was good as gone the second Takai, the head chef, announced that Kei, the usual upper floor maid, was leaving. Takai then promptly turned and thrust the tray in his hand out towards her.

After five years of working in the Royal Palace, Akari had rarely been upstairs other than to deliver packages when she knew that the halls would be empty. She had never seen the Royal Family up close. In fact, she had only seen Princess Azula’s shoes the few times she forced Akari to kneel in the hall with her head bowed anytime Azula passed or to dole out punishment.

“Why me?” Akari squeaked as she grabbed the tray.

“You’re one of the only suitable options we have right now. It’s only temporary,” Takai promised. “It’s easy enough. Just knock on the door, wait for the door to open, set the tray down on his desk, bow, and leave. Do not say a word to him. Do not look him in the eye. One foot in front of the other and you’ll be fine.”

“If I die,” Akari said. “It’s your fault.”

Takai rolled his eyes and waved her off. “You’re being overdramatic. Fire Lord Zuko won’t kill you.”

Akari didn’t know that for sure.

She hurried up the stairs that led to the main palace, mentally mapping out where the Fire Lord’s office was located. She curled her fingers tightly around the edges of the tea tray and bowed her head as soon as she made it to the top of the stairs. Cautiously, Akari pushed the door open and peeked into the hall. It was empty sans the usual guards and she let out the breath she was holding.

Servants were to be not seen and not heard.

Fire Lord Zuko had been on the throne for a little over a year at this point and Akari still had yet to see him. Even when he was at the palace before the day of the Black Sun. She was hunkered in the basement during the final battle and worked to the bone during his coronation.

Rumors floated from servant to servant that he was kinder than Ozai and Azula. The older servants wistfully remembered his mother with gentle smiles. Akari didn’t know what to believe about the new leader of the Fire Nation. What if she spilled the tea? What if she was late to delivery? Would he burn her on the spot? Fire her? She had nowhere else to go.

Akari willed herself to stop trembling as she came to a stop in front of the stately dark doors of the Fire Lord’s office. Two guards stood on either side of the door but they paid her no mind. Balancing one hand under the tray, she raised a hesitant hand up to the door and knocked three times before stepping back.

“Come in,” a raspy voice called. Akari paused and then slowly opened the door. Already she was going against Takai’s instructions.

The room was one of the most grandiose things she’d ever seen. Black and red paint swept the walls and golden trims laid against the borders. Small flames were etched along the gold, leading to the fireplace that sat against one wall. Scrolls and books and ink filled the shelves on the walls with maps scattered in between.

Akari stepped into the room and realized with a start that the Fire Lord was looking at her. She immediately bowed her head further and approached his desk.

“I’ve never seen you here before. Are you new?”

Akari bit her tongue and blinked in surprise. Nobles did not speak to the help unless to request something or to degrade them for a poor job. No one of high ranking had ever spoken to Akari before. Hadn’t Takai warned her about staying silent?

She straightened up and clasped her hands in front of herself before answering him with a shake of her head. Akari fixed her eyes on the desk he sat at rather than at him.

“How long have you worked here?”

Akari swallowed against the lump in her throat, panic seizing her. Was this some kind of test? Sneezing in Princess Azula’s presence was enough to be sent to prison.

“I…five years,” she whispered. “I’ve worked here for five years.”

The Fire Lord’s hands meticulously wrote out characters on a scroll as he spoke. “I apologize for never having made your acquaintance…”

“Akari, sir. Is there anything else you require, my lord?”

“No, thank you, Akari.”

She lowered herself into a deep bow and then turned to head to the door. As her hand touched the door handle, some hairbrained batshit idea crossed her mind. She turned just so that she could see him out of her peripheral vision.

“Sir? If that letter is intended for Kamakura then it won’t be sent. Address it to Mito and you’ll find the residents of the city there.”

Akari pulled the door open and practically threw herself into the hall. Did she really just do that? Did she just talk to the Fire Lord out of turn? Did she give him instructions?

Takai was wrong. Akari was going to die.

Her sentencing was the very next day. Akari was headed towards the laundry to drop off the mended bed skirt she worked on all morning when Takai appeared in front of her with the infamous tea tray.

“Fire Lord Zuko specifically requested that you bring it,” he said. Before Akari could respond, he gathered up the fabric from her arms, passed it off to someone else, and handed the tray to her.

Akari took care to not spill the tea even as her hands shook. The closer she got to his office, the sooner her death sentence. She knocked three times on his door and waited for his voice.

But he didn’t call for her to come in. Rather, the door swung open and boots appeared in her line of sight.

“Akari, thank you for coming,” Fire Lord Zuko greeted. “Have a seat.”

She shuffled in and settled the tray down on his desk before complying with his order, sinking down in the chair across from his. Akari clasped her hands together and laid them in her lap, her eyes trailing over the red stitching in her uniform skirt. The Fire Lord quietly sat and began pouring two cups of tea.

“Permission to speak, my lord?”

“Permission granted.”

“I want to apologize for my impertinence yesterday, my lord. I was highly disrespectful and in the wrong for speaking out of turn. Please, sir, I beg for your forgiveness.”

A surprised noise escaped the Fire Lord and Akari raised her head to ensure that he wasn’t choking or something. His brows were furrowed low in confusion and a frown pulled at his lips.

“There can be no forgiveness given,” he said. Akari felt her heart skip a beat, but then he continued. “Because there was no disrespect. I brought you here because I appreciated your insight. You were right. The village of Kamakura no longer exists.”

Her fists clenched tightly and she nodded, her gaze lowered to her lap once more.

“Did I…is there…” Lord Zuko stumbled over his words for a moment before clearing his throat. “It’s okay to look at me, y’know?”

Akari slowly raised her head, her wide green eyes darted around the room before settling on his face. Agni, she told herself. He’s young. She had to pause and remind herself that she herself was in fact the same age as the Fire Lord. They were both eighteen year olds fresh out of war.

His dark hair was short and shaggy with the top half pulled into a topknot and the Fire Nation crown resting on his head. It was tilted at an unnatural angle, Akari noticed, as if he ran his hand over his head and forgot it was there.

His golden eyes watched her carefully as she adjusted her seating in the chair. Akari squirmed under his gaze and twisted her fingers together in an attempt to focus on something else.

“I apologize, my lord. I was taught that we should never look at the nobles. It is an insult.”

“Well that ends here. You’ve worked in the basements these past five years?”

“Yes, sir.”

“How would you like a promotion?”

Akari paused in her anxious movements and blinked up at him incredulous. He had to be kidding.

“Sir?”

“As you know, Kei has left the palace to return home. I asked Rin to find a replacement but I’d like to offer the position to you.”

Akari lowered her eyes and hunched her shoulders closer into her body. “Why? I mean, why me?”

“I told you, you were right.”

She looked up, finding a smile on his lips. Oh Agni the Fire Lord was handsome. The scar over his eye wasn’t the horrid things she had heard some of the upper level servants say. No, it made him look strong. Impenetrable. But the smile he held was something made out of kindness.

“I’m not my father, Akari.”

His words made her flinch. It wasn’t Ozai that dealt with the servants so harshly. Sure, he ordered them around, but he never bothered to learn anything about them. It was Azula who tested out some of her more sadistic methods on the servants, especially the basement servants.

“I am not my sister either.” His voice softened. “I am sorry for the way you have been treated here, Akari. I understand if you turn down the offer. There will be no anger and no punishment.”

“I am a seamstress, my lord. That is why I was brought to the palace. I’m afraid I know nothing of the protocol.”

The Fire Lord laughed. Actually laughed at her words. “I don’t care much for protocol, as it is. I also don’t want to add more work onto your plate. I was hoping we could find a compromise that would work for both of us. Would it be too much to ask that I take thirty minutes of your time once a week to get your insight on things?”

Akari couldn’t find her tongue to speak. She bit her lip and then let out a startled chuckle. “Sir, you heard me correctly, right? I’m a seamstress. I don’t know if I have any thoughts worth advising to the Fire Lord.”

There was a glimmer in the Fire Lord’s eyes. He merely shrugged and settled his hands on top of the desk. “Again, there’s no penalty for saying no.”

Akari bounced the thought around in her mind. This conversation alone proved that Fire Lord Zuko was different from any other noble she had ever interacted with. If she accepted this job, would she come to regret it?

Her eyes met his again and she found herself trapped in his curiously warm gaze. She had heard the stories. The rumors. The lies and the truths. Akari didn’t pull her gaze away and instead, spoke one single word that could…that would change her life forever.

“Yes.”

[itsnotaphasemomitsanobsession]

To all the tropes I've loved before

✨ Quality fic recs under the cut ✨

✨ If I could read only one trope for the rest of my life, it would be soulmate fic. A treasure of unfounded proportions ✨

Soulmate fics:

Vortex (T): TW: anxiety, brief mention of self harm, nonconsensual drug use (medical abuse in the form of over prescribing medicine). I've read this one several times because of how lovely I find it. The gentle love between Harry and Draco just does something to my cold dead heart. This fic has it all: Auror Harry, Down and out Draco, Teacher Draco, fluff, angst, and just the right amount of soulmate tomfoolery. Read also the authors part two of the fic: Riptide(M).

Everything a Word can Mean (T): Everyone is born with the nickname their soulmate uses for them tattooed on their body, Harry's just so happens to be something everyone calls him. I love this little fic so much, it's really sweet and fluffy and everything you need for a Saturday morning read!

Punch-drunk fingerprints (T): Cute and fluffy fic where if you touch your soulmate it leaves a mark on them. Draco just so happens to get pulled through a corridor with Harry tugging along.

Eighth year fics:

✨ These fics are either the sweetest most fluffiest fics or they are the most heart wrenching fics of all time and I love them with every fiber of my being ✨

Swish and flick (T): If there's one thing to know about me, it's that I LOVE roommate fics and this is a sweet one. Harry and Draco in this are really sweet and I feel like this fic needs to be on everyone's TBR right the frick now.

Inside Your Mind (E): TW: PTSD, use of sex as a coping mechanism (it does get better later), severe bullying. Coming back 8th year has been hard on Draco, but Greg is there to "help" by acting as bodyguard. Harry is pretty sure that's not really helping any. It's a sweet, sad and lovely fic that shows the love of friends and their willingness to keep you safe, but also how those friendships can blossom into something better and healthier. An absolutely beautiful fic and top notch smut if you partake!

Good Company (T): Such a sweet fic of Harry and Draco being friends in their 8th year. Harry feeling like the third wheel to Ron and Hermione falls into a friendship with Draco and Draco is just trying to get through the year. It's very very cute and I'm a big fan!

Lessons in Grace and Decorum (not rated): TW: power dynamic related consent problems, forced proximity, use of torture on purpose and on accident, self worth issues and depression. This is an oldie but a goodie, you will have to read it through a Google doc but it's really really good. Draco sees his dead mom and she gives him advice on how to make friends. It's sweet, sad as fuck and I've read it so many times I just have it permanently downloaded onto my phone.

Quiet (E): TW: implied sexual violence and abuse. Draco and Harry just vibe in the Slytherin common room and drink, gaze longingly at each other, maybe do some homework and play quidditch. There's also a cute little ficlet that is in the same story line, it's cute and it's ginny x pansy (big fan) so check out peripheral.

The In-betweens (T): Harry and Draco are roommates in 8th year. Surprisingly they get along pretty well, Draco sings dirty dancing in the shower and Harry likes it. I love this fic so much and I hope each and every one of you puts this on your TBR right this instant!!!!!

Job fics:

✨ Nothing better than older gay men finding love in what they do and also finding love in each other. Extra points if Harry isn't an Auror and Draco has an odd creative job ✨

The Snitch Maker (T): Draco makes snitches and Harry works for the Quidditch Union for the Administration and Betterment of the British League and its Endeavours. It's really cute and a little silly, Draco is very fun in this and Harry is an ex-auror with a disability. It's very sweet and worth the read

Chasing Shadows (E): TW: homophobia, death, and internalized homophobia. Draco works in a muggle bar and hasn't been in the wizard world for awhile, Harry works as an Auror and his next case is the death of Lucius Malfoy. Very very very good fic, features Harry coming to terms with his sexuality, an openly homosexual Draco and a series of fun OCS that make the fic very charming and worth the read.

Draco from the Wireless show (T): Very much a Welcome to Night Vale type of vibe. It's interesting and funny and just slightly odd which I love a whole lot. Draco in this is silly and a bit of a hermit and Harry is just trying to figure out why this town is so odd? I recommend this for days where you really need something silly to lift your spirits!

✨ please please please make sure you comment and leave kudos on the fics that you enjoy to let the authors know their worth!!!! ✨

[jaythelay]

Ay are there any psychiatrists or whatever doctors that know the right words to say to get a doctor to do their job?

For example if you're a woman, I've heard most times they're callously ignored unless they claim they're trying to concieve a child, then they get help.

Or if you say you had sudden weight loss they'll take it extra seriously because it's a sign of cancer.

What magic words get a doctor to not abandon me after the first 2 weeks, or overprescribe me 9 (golly all sorts of mental health based pills that worked as well as sugar pills) meds at the same time?

I got this abcess on my cheek since 2019 I've had multiple surgeries for, including taking out an entire saliva gland. All doctors in my area basically are gone or don't take my insurance so everywhere I've had to go is actual hours away. I can't force myself to keep trying on a complete failure of a system when I'm this bogged down mentally after so many failures by doctors for me.

I just need medicine for my ADHD and whatever broke my brain in 8 years ago with shrooms, either DP/DR or serotonin burnout. I've been genuinely trying for years ya'll I've never been more existential, straight up, a less strong willed person would've offed themself the first year in and no that does not make me feel powerful it terrifies me existentially.

I tried saying I wanted real meds to help because I went through, quite literally, all the meds they'd give a depressed teenager and not someone completely brain broken. They were scared I wanted drugs. Thanks doc. I tried saying I was scared of the big meds but I'd like to work towards them this time, they abandoned me after the second week, leaving me in an online call for 2 hours with 0 response nor callbacks of any sort. I tried telling them I think it's a tooth causing the abcess, they didn't listen because they were confident it was a saliva gland. It wasn't. I tried being nothing but honest, breaking down in tears just saying I want to live, they prescribed me hydroxozin or whatever. Something I'd been taking since 2018. I was speechless.

I get they can't immedietely prescribe actual medicine to me until they know me enough and have established a connection, but then they just...leave the state without warning? What am I supposed to do...Seriously.

My roommate has been quite literally The Support I've been needing to get progress on this, I don't drive and barely understand insurance or most stuff told to me really in that world, nor can I with my brain broken from shrooms. He's been a rock, but he's also been the Only Help. I can't keep relying on them as they got their own problems.

Doctors around my area genuinely Do Not Give A Shit. I need these magic words, being honest and patient gets me taken advantage of Incedibly Dangerously. Stretching the truth got me no where. Being myself got me nowhere. I'm tired ya'll. I want to feel Okay. Just Okay. How is that so fucking hard for the medical system when I put Every Possible Ounce Of Effort One Could Manage.

Like, They Took My Saliva Gland Ya'll. They put me on 9+ meds at the same time. It did Nothing. Not One Thing. But make me worse off and more poor. I can't afford to drive 2 hours to a psychiatrist who wants to question my TBI marijuana card and act like the One Helpful Medicine Any State Has Ever Given Me, is actually the problem. That I'm the problem, and we're gonna need blood tests we'll NEVER follow up on despite assuring me it would end up being useful. Where's my blood you piece of shit? What'd you do with it???

Like my god ya'll. My god. Help. Just help. Don't scrutinize I can't handle some dumb motherfucker larping my life as some asshole when I've been more patient than any doctor or psychiatrist I've met. There is no pedastal, I'm on my hands and knees in tears.

Like this one psychiatrist started crying in the middle of me explaining the one happy moment I had with my dog in that recent time, because theirs died- AND TO BE CLEAR, NO JUDGEMENT, TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE, but why the FUCK ARE YOU HERE THE DAY AFTER!?!?!?!? I had to shut the fuck up because WHAT the fuck do you continue that conversation with? Set me back so fucking hard man, I just wanted to share a good moment, a rarity at the time, and it went to shit.

Like I consoled her and all that, It's a legitimate reason to breakdown at any job, just...why the fuck the day after when you're a psychiatrist!?!? What the fuck man.

HELP. ME. I'm surrounded by fucking incompetancy. America or whatever, blue state, I don't care. Whatever gets a doc to do their fucking job without threatening to take the only prescribed medicine that helps, away from me.

Please. Fucking Please. I'm tired. I'm not well. And I don't have the energy to try again and again experimenting until I find those magic words. Or maybe I said something? I dunno! I'm desperate to feel any other fucking way than absolutely hopeless.

[larjb3]

Okay so I'm going to go a little deep here and you can completely ignore this post if you want, that's totally fair, but I need to get this out somewhere because I'm having a lot of internal thoughts and feelings about this and I'm nervous and scared but like, I don't know what to do.

So I'll preface this by stating I live in a country where universal healthcare is not a thing, and therefore, I have to wait for insurance to kick in (done) and get my health insurance card (not done) in the mail.

Anyways, those of you who follow me more closely may know that for the past month I have had a random lump grow in my neck. At this point I'm assuming it's an enlarged lymph node, but who knows if it may be something else. A month ago it was just a lil itsy bitsy thing where you had to actually press on my neck to feel it. Now, on the other hand, it is big enough to where, if you know about it (and especially if I tilt my head upwards), you can see it. Now this is not the first lump I've had in my neck. The last growth was a benign growth in 2010, so whatever. But that was further down and is now the reason why I don't have a fully intact thyroid. Whatever, that's fine.

What concerns me now, is that antibiotics did not help this lump at all and I tested negative for strep. So I know I'm not fighting a bacterial infection. I honestly don't really know why I was given antibiotics, but in my Google research (don't give me those rolled eyes) it seems as though that's a first line of defense because I guess enlarged lymph nodes can stem from infections? Particularly bacterial infections?

In general I feel fine, but when this growth gets irritated it decides to hurt (think: the feeling of when your throat is raw or you experienced post-nasal drip and your throat just hurts). So by hurt I don't mean pain, I mean it makes my throat feel scratchy. BUT this only happens on one side of the throat, and I don't feel like I can get any sort of liquid to help relieve the scratchiness. Today I noticed that salt intake may exacerbate this feeling? As in, I had fries today and now my throat, on one side, feels scratchy.

These are the things that I'm most concerned about when I eventually get my health insurance card and go to the doctor:

-I am not the skinniest of people and fear my weight may be blamed for why my bloodwork is out-of-whack

-Gaslit/Told that it's nothing (without anything being done to test the growth or bloodwork)

-Scolded for going to the ER rather than a GP (which is my plan once I get my card because it'd a) be faster and b) they have more resources - usually - to help figure out what this growth it)

-Told in a negative manner that I should've come in earlier, despite not having health insurance

-Being told to just see a GP because it's "nothing"

-Being told it's nothing and that it shouldn't be causing any problems (clearly it is because at night when my throat is scratchy, imma wake up and my sleep is already disturbed enough as it)

-Being told it's a symptom of fibro (had a friend ask if it could be that - I appreciated that she didn't know, but I did not appreciate that it was an automatic assumption)

-Obv the cost of seeing a doctor

-Being told it's just an infection and being put back on antibiotics (which would be fine if it IS just an infection...but antibiotics did nothing to alleviate the growing of this growth)

-Being told they don't know what's going on and to just see a GP/ENT

-Being blamed for why it's gotten so big because I didn't see a doctor earlier (which isn't true - I saw an urgent care doc probably about 2-3 weeks ago and was just prescribed antibiotics)

Y'all I'm really nervous. Like yes, I want to go to the doctor and get this growth taken care of. But the fact that there are so many things that are just up-in-the-air right now and there are so many unknowns and my research has told me that malignant growths are (usually) non-painful (which is true of this growth - the non-painful part, not the malignant part because I'm not sure about that yet). It keeps growing in size. I can now just lightly run my fingers over my throat and I feel it.

I hate being chronically ill, and I hate that I can't do anything despite WANTING to go to the doctor (which is basically something that never happens). I'm sick of my body not working properly and I'm so nervous as to what is actually going on inside my body.

[honeyhenry]

Captain Confusion

A/N: Inspired by this video that makes me weep with its cuteness! I just had to write this okay 🥺🥺🥺 This is in the same universe as Homeward Bound, which happens after this story. Feel free to give it a read after this, if you haven’t already! ALSO should note that the lovely @ohmygoodie​ is my Sy partner in crime and without them this fic would not be made possible :)

Warning: mention of operations/hospitals, and a whole lot of fluff!

It was a simple procedure and so it hadn't worried you too much, other than the usual fears when a loved one is under the knife while in the hands of trained doctors. Sy’s hernia had been authorised for operation only five minutes into the doctor’s appointment you had all but dragged him to, and scheduled for 4 days later. Not really much time to prepare mentally, but you knew it was necessary with your big bear of a man in pain. Despite the painkillers prescribed, he was walking with a limp and groaning in bed for all the wrong reasons.

In the waiting room, you and his Ma kept busy during the 45 minute wait by looking through magazines, talking about how the Captain’s quality of life will improve, and what kind of minor jobs you’ll have him do around the house while he’s recovering as you continue to work.

“I hope the recovery isn’t as long as some people have said. I know for a fact he’ll not want to be cooped up all day. If he’s anything, he’s stubborn” you sigh, knowingly.

Ma smiles, looking at you pointedly, knowing that she is in the presence of the only other soul who knows what is best for her son. “He knows better now that his health is his wealth. He’s got a lot more riding on being well now. After all, it’s not just him he’s gotta be there for anymore.”

“Yeah, I mean I always tell him, he’s not 25 anymore. Or even 30. I’ll need you to back me up, he does anything you say. I’m his equal, you’re his Mom.”

You both laugh a little, hers warm and kind, while yours tinges with the remaining hopeful nerves of an army Captain’s wife. You don’t like not knowing about your Sy, especially since you spent all those years apart, not knowing if he was safe, or even alive. The waiting, in any capacity, is the hardest part.

You’re flipping through a random tabloid magazine, when the surgeon in charge walks through to the waiting room.

“Everything went really well with Captain Syverson. He’s coming to from the anaesthetic and asking for his Ma?”

Ma grins before sucking her teeth between her lips watching as your mouth drops. You both move from the waiting area to follow the surgeon towards where your husband is resting. You speak under your breath, only wanting Sy’s Ma to hear you; “I hope he still remembers how to grovel after this.”

Ma enters the room with you following her, arriving only a couple more corridors along from where you’d last seen him earlier that morning. He may not have asked for you but you were going to see Sy whether he wanted it or not. A grand push of the door allows it to swing open, and suddenly there he is. A little disoriented but has a large dopey smile plastered on his face as soon as he sees his Ma. His heavy head lolls to one side as he rests it on the plush hospital pillow.

“Hey Ma” he groans out as she bends over her large son to give his forehead a kiss, taking his hand in hers. He spends a moment just gazing at her for a while, the love he has for her evident on his face, as she tells him that everything went well, and that he can go home tomorrow.

It’s only after this tender mother and son moment, that he notices you.

“Ma.... why ya bringing a beautiful girl here when I’m like this...oh god I’m not wearing underwear Ma!”

His feeble attempt at trying to cover himself means that you actually end up seeing far more of him than you expected. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, but it definitely hasn't happened in front of his own mother before. The whole situation makes you blush and giggle a little as you try your best to avoid eye contact with Ma. You can only imagine the look on her face, and you don’t want to get any more involved with Sy’s naked form than you need to right now.

Rather than put you and your poor Sy through any further embarrassment, Ma speaks up.

“Oh darlin’, this is y/n. You remember her, right?”

And while he’s listening - or at least pretending to listen to his Ma fussing over him again - he’s just staring at you, gazing in awe as if you were the one to hang the stars in the sky.

“You are.... so pretty” he slurs, making you break out a genuine smile that he mirrors, glad that he was the one to make you look even more pretty.

“Well thanks handsome. How do you feel?” you perch on the edge of the bed and hold his hand. To him, the gesture feels warm and inviting - even if he doesn't know you, he recognises something about you in the comfort that you bring.

“Feel like shit. Oh fuck i said ‘shit’ in front of the lady” he whines again, scrunching his eyes closed as hangs his head in shame. It looks like he might even cry with the realisation that he’s made such a foolish impression of himself. It takes Ma shushing him and making him take a sip of juice from his bedside to calm down, dabbing his face with a cloth when his juice spills from his mouth.

“Oh Logan Daniel Syverson...what did they do to ya?” she lightly scolds as she helps clean up the mess he’s unknowingly created around him. That’s your Sy, a hurricane of mess that somehow fits into order just how he likes it.

You giggle a little more at his shameful expression, before he refocuses, giving you his undivided attention once more.

“How is it that ya know my Ma and we’ve never met? Or have we? ‘Cause I think i’d remember a face like yours” 

“Well...” you start, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to let him see your entire face, hoping it would jog his memory. As you do so, the ring on your fourth finger glints in the hospital light, and for the first time since you've entered the room, he’s noticed.

“Oh...man...knew a girl like you would be snatched up already. Whoever has the honour of being yours is a very lucky man.” He smiles softly, a wistful look in his eye, while makes you realise that you can’t wait for the drugs to leave his system, you have to remind him who you are and who he is, right this very moment.

“Sy honey... we’re married. You’re my husband, and I’m your wife. I think the drugs are making you more than a bit loopy.”

It’s his turn for his jaw to drop, his eyes are unblinking as he takes in what you’ve just said. He turns sharply - more than his doctor would have probably liked - to his Ma, and then back to you, and then his Ma again, waiting for one of you to burst out laughing at the prank you surely must be playing on him.

“Wha-? A wife? I have a wife?” you nod and he exhales a deep breath of air in amazement. 

“YOU’RE my wife? Really?” you nod again and Ma smiles at you as she watches the scene of Logan meeting you all over again.

“Am I still in the army? I’m a Captain ya know”

“You left just a few months ago. You still work in the local camps, of course. You like it there, and you’re home every night and most weekends.”

“Does Ma like you?” You don’t even get a chance to finish as he turns to his mother “Do you like her? is she nice? Does she like your new kitchen? I built it y’know.” 

You knew when you met, dated, and married him, that Sy was a Momma’s boy. He loves his mother so much, that her opinion will always mean the world to him. 

Ma nods “You two are the sweetest couple. She’s the best addition to the family, gives you a run for your money alright. She’s my new favourite.” You get a soft hug from her as she says this, with her wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. She’s always felt so grateful that her Logan found you, because my goodness did he love you ferociously, and he needed you in his life. You were the making of him, and the whole Syverson clan will forever be grateful to you for it.

"And where did we get married? If we really are married.” He continues his line of questioning.

“At the ranch, on your family’s land. it was such a special day. We had the reception there too. And we went to Italy for our honeymoon.”

Sy is basking in every word you say, praying it to be true, as if he could will it into existence if it hadn’t already happened, wanting badly to remember sunset kisses and italian food and beach days all spent with you. He perks up at the last thing you say, taken by complete surprise.

“Honeymoon?! Oh my god have we...ya know..?” A blush fades over Sy’s face, and even though you love his Ma, you really wish she wasn’t finding out so many details about your personal life today, like how your son rails you on the regular in many ways, and in many places. He must somehow remember or at least accurately imagine your past endeavours, as he grins like a little shit. 

You smack his arm, lightly but with a firm hand.

“Be quiet, or the whole ward will know about our sex life” you threaten. “Yes we’ve had sex. i’d hope so given that we have a kid on the way.”

If Ma had had to deal with her son getting horny over his “new”wife, she was being fully compensated for it as she witnessed him fall head over heels in love with you, all over again.

“A kid?...Tell me ya not messing with me...are we really- I-” he swallows and his tears come even easier than before “We’re havin’ a baby?” With the sudden realisation, he turns to his Ma. “This beautiful woman right here’s havin’ my kid, Ma?” He looks between the two of you again, watching as you both nod and beam from ear to ear.

“You know you cried just as much when i told you for the first time too. i promise when the drugs are out your system it’ll all make sense again.”

Sy smiles, clutching your hand in his warm palm, almost scared to let go as the door is knocked and he feels you might be taken away. Instead, it’s a welcome visitor.

“Hey doc,” Sy greets the man who reenters the room, now freshly out of scrubs  to visit his patient - who if anything is now simply love sick, no hernia to be found. “This is my wife, and she’s having a baby.” he looks back to you with a quirk of his eyebrow “My baby?” You roll your eyes and he confirms it; “my baby.”

“Oh, congratulations...again.”

The doctor’s evaluation and explanations don’t take long, and while Sy is being informed, you start rubbing your belly as a form of self-comfort. You will need to remind your child that while their father looks incredibly stern and impossibly large, he is silly and goofy and already loves them with his entire being. Over the course of the afternoon, Sy talks with you while the anaesthetic wears off. It turns out they had given him a pretty high dosage based on his height and muscle mass, so he would be out of action for a couple of hours at least.

“Oh, i have your ring” you pipe up before he starts getting too sleepy again, taking the thick gold band off of the necklace around your neck, placing it on his finger carefully.

“That feels better already” he sighs, as he begins to doze in and out of consciousness. Before he closes his eyes once more to rest peacefully, a small tear slides down his cheek, which you of course, notice. Sy has cried maybe 5 times in the time you’ve known him and three of those times have been in this very room.

“Honey what’s wrong? Are you in pain? i can call the doctor-” 

“No i’m fine i’m fine i just-” he sniffs and tries to clear his throat from the sad, heavy pain he feels in his chest. “I’m gonna be real sad when I wake up from this dream. What if I can’t find you when I wake up?”

Oh your sweet, silly man.

“Bear it’s not a dream, I’ll be right here when you get up properly and we can go home and cuddle and I’ll heat up your favourite meal. I’ll be right there with you.”

“And the baby?” he asks, eyes wide. almost nervous to ask.

“Well they have to come too, they're with me. We can look at their pictures again so you can get reacquainted. And Aika will be so happy you’re back. We’ve been gone the whole day.”

“Aika!” your husband perks up, “Oh Aika, man....I love that dog..”

“I know you do bear, you just get some rest for now and then we can go home.”

Before you know it, he’s fallen back to sleep, his mouth wide open as he slumps against his pillow, completely out of it.

It’s dark outside when Sy opens his eyes again, watching as his Ma passes you a small herbal tea in the dimly lit hospital room. Technically visiting hours are over, but no one was going to argue with the Captain’s family. You smile, and he feels like he can finally relax, in your presence

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he growls lowly, and you look up at him from your phone, beaming in surprise, glad that your husband had woken up feeling a bit more like himself.

“Oh hello again” you smile and squeeze his hand, his slow blinking already indicating a much clearer mind, and that he knows exactly who you are.

“Again? What’d I miss?”

“The drugs” he stops you mid-sentence for a sweet kiss, acting as though a minute more without your lips would be the source of his downfall. “Mmmh, the drugs made you so loopy, it was the sweetest thing, Sy.” You grin as he pulls you up beside him on the bed.

He raises his eyebrows, clearly with no recollection of any of the past events. Yet still, he smiles.

“Yeah? How’s baby?” he holds you close to his side, wrapping an arm around your waist so he can cover your tummy with his palm.

“They’re great. Glad to have daddy back and sane.”

You swear that as you say that, he starts tearing up again, this time however he doesn’t let them fall. He was openly weeping earlier, but you won’t tell him that. Not yet.

“Damnit. Must be something in these drugs they got me on.”

“Mm-hmm sure bear.”

You stay close that evening, both curled up on a hospital bed that is already quite a tight fit for your husband alone. But as always, he makes it work. You’re half on top of him, both of you fast asleep, when the nurses come to do their rounds. Ma had left just after he had woken up, sneaking off into the night to let the rest of the family know how her most middle son is keeping after the operation. You’d cuddled and doted on each other until you’d fallen asleep, Sy following not long after as he bid goodnight to you and your precious cargo with a soft kiss to your lips, and protective rub of your stomach.

He counts himself more than lucky to have something so good, that it would pain him to forget. He was living the life that he’d been too scared to ever dream of, and he couldn’t be more grateful.

taglist: @ohmygoodie​ @michelehansel​ @la-cey​ @palaiasaurus64​ @sassy-pelican​ @brandycranby​

Masterlist

feedback / ask me a question here!!

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 134

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,685ish

Summary: A few surprises are in store. (Read the note at the end of the chapter.)

They had had many more nights of passion and love after that one, slowly healing them together. And the two hadn’t been so caring about protection. Five weeks after that first night, Y/N was sleeping, cuddled up to Tony. Suddenly, she popped up having the sudden urge to puke. She rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time. She was still letting out her guts when Tony came into the bathroom, worried.

“Oh, honey,” he knelt by her, rubbing her back. “Dinner not sitting well with you?”

“No—“ She cut herself off, throwing up more into the toilet. “Tony… I think we’re in trouble.”

“Trouble? Why would be be in trouble?”

Wiping off her mouth with her sleeve, Y/N leaned against the wall, facing a still too skinny Tony. “We haven’t exactly been the most safe with our recent sexual escapades.”

“Sexual escapades?” Tony repeated, wiggling his brows and smirking. “I like the sound of that.”

“Tony, I’m serious… I think I need a pregnancy test.”

Tony’s eyes bulged. “Are—are you sure?”

“I don’t know… that’s why I want to check.”

“I’ll run out to the store and grab a test.” Tony scrabbled to his feet. “I’ll be right back.” He was out the door before Y/N could stop him.

Y/N sat there, thinking about how they could have let this happen? How could they have been so reckless? But the more she thought about it, the less she could excuse. But how where they going to be parents, when she felt that they had failed their child the last time? And what if something more was wrong with her? What if she couldn’t protect this one either? 

When Tony came back, he found Y/N on the same spot on the floor.

“I didn’t know which test worked the best so I grabbed them all,” Tony told her, kneeling in front of her and showing her the bag of tests. “I also grabbed different snacks and such, but I left those in the kitchen because I didn’t know how you’d react to them. So, which test do you want to try first? And do you want be in for them or waiting outside the door?”

Y/N inhaled shakily. “Can you just wait outside?”

“Of course.” Tony nodded, quickly pecking her lips before standing up. 

“Don’t shut the door,” Y/N practically begged. 

“Okay,” Tony nodded. “I’ll be right here. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Tony left the door open enough so that Y/N could see him leaning against the wall beside it. His hand was wrapped around the molding, as if to tell her he was still there. Taking a deep breath, Y/N began the tests. Once done with one test, she lined it agains the wall and grabbed another. After all 11 tests were finished, Y/N walked out and washed her hands.

“Can you put on a timer for ten minutes?” She asked quietly, her voice slightly filled with nerves.

“I got it,” Tony responded, and with a few touches to his watch a ten minute timer appeared on the mirror. He could tell Y/N was nervous so he came over and wrapped his arms around her and brought her back into her chest. Their eyes met in the mirror.“Everything will work out the way it’s suppose to,” he whispered. “And, whatever you want to do, I’ll stand by you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was the longest ten minutes either of them had ever experienced. They held each other, watching the mirror’s timer count down. Once it went off, they were frozen in their spot. Eventually, Tony turned Y/N around to face him.

“Together?” He questioned softly.

“Together,” she gave a little nod, pressing her lips to his for a quick kiss.

Holding hands, the two went to where the tests were. Y/N squeezed Tony’s hand as she closed her eyes and face her head down. While willing herself to open her eyes, she heard Tony let out a breathy, yet happy, chuckle. Opening her eyes, she finally saw the tests.

“You’re pregnant,” Tony grinned, kissing the side of her head. “You’re pregnant!” He grabbed Y/N and spun her around. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” she repeated quietly, clearly in a state of shock. “I’m… pregnant… Tony…” She looked up at Tony’s large, excited brown eyes. “What if… what if I screw it up again?” Her eyes become watery. “What if I lose this one too?”

He ran his hand down her arms until they attached to her hands. “Listen to me, very carefully, I love you. And I already love the life you have growing inside of you. I will do absolutely anything in my power to make sure that you both are healthy and safe. I will get the best doctors and get the house finished faster and eliminate all the stress I can. You will not lose this baby. And it was never, or either will be, your fault for losing AJ. At least not yours alone.”

“I’m scared. This world… this—“

“This world, yes, is scary. But so was the world before half the population turned to ash. We will protect and teach our child to the best of our ability. We will work with what we have, imperfections and all.”

“You’re too good for me.”

“Oh, honey, it’s always been the other way around.” He pulled her hands up and kissed her knuckles. “I love you. Always and forever.”

“I love you too.” They met for a kiss. “We’re going to have a baby,” she smiled, the excitement finally getting to her.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Tony smiled back.

~~~

Morning sickness was the worst, especially cause it was the biggest lie. It didn’t just happen in the morning. It lasted all day and all night. Thankfully, Tony was always there with a damp rag and a comforting hand on Y/N’s back. Then there was the fatigue, breast tenderness, and the mood swings. On second Y/N would be laughing, the next crying, and the next yelling. But Tony took it all like a champ.

When the cravings began the next week, Tony had already stocked the whole kitchen and storage closet, ready for any possibility. What concerned Tony the most though, was that, even with the cravings, nothing was sitting well with Y/N’s stomach. He had hired the doctor to come in and do the check ups, worried that anything could be too stressful for Y/N and the baby.

“She’s not keeping anything down, doc,” Tony worried, as the doctor squeezed cool, blue gel onto Y/N’s stomach. “Is that normal?”

“Normal, no,” the doctor responded, getting the ultrasound machine ready. “Uncommon, also no. The baby just might be really picky. But I can prescribe something to help with the morning sickness.”

“That would be wonderful,” Y/N sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

“Now, let’s take a first look at the little trouble maker, shall we?”

Moving the ultrasound probe around her stomach, the doctor carefully observed the ultrasound screen. Nervous, Y/N tightened her grip on Tony’s hand as they both also stared at the screen. Neither of them knew how to read an ultrasound, but they were sure trying. Suddenly, the doctor froze the machine’s screen.

“There it is,” the doctor smiled softly, pointing to the screen. “Looks like it’s even a good size.”

“Oh… my…. Gosh…” Y/N muttered, unable to take her eyes off the screen.

“That’s our baby,” Tony grinned, trying to keep from tearing up. “Can we know the gender yet?”

“I don’t like the check until 18 weeks. You’re at 6 now, almost 7, so you have a little while longer.” The doctor pressed a button, causing a few small photos of the ultrasound to print out. The doctor tore the photos from the machine and tried to hand them to Y/N. “Here you go.” But Y/N was frozen, staring at the screen.

“I can take them,” Tony said, reaching over. “Honey? Are you okay?”

“I… I never got to see AJ…” She responded quietly, still staring.

“AJ?” The doctor questioned, looking at Tony. 

“Our son,” Tony responded. “Miscarriage.”

“Oh. Well, knowing that I need you to rest. No stress or strain. Understood?”

“I’ll make sure she follows orders.”

“Very good.” The doctor began to clean off Y/N’s belly. “Feel free to reach out with any questions and we can make an appointment for 4 weeks from now.”

“Thank you doc. How about I show you out?”

“Very well.” The doctor turned off the screen and pushed the equipment over into the corner. “I will see you soon Miss Rogers.”

All Y/N could do was nod in response, she was still so lost in her own mind. As Tony left with the doctor, Y/N reached over and carefully picked up the picture of her baby. 

“Hello,” she whispered, rubbing a hand against her stomach. “I can’t believe you’re in there… I promise I’ll protect you and love you. And I’ll teach you how to stand your ground and fight. Your father will teach you how to build things and he… he’s going to be the best father and he will love and protect you too. I can already tell that you’re going to have him wrapped around your finger.”

“Just like their mother is,” Tony said, coming into the room. “You talking to the little bean?” He came up and sat on the side of the bed.

“Yes… Tony, there’s a baby in there.”

“There is.” He smiled.

“We never got to be excited about AJ… I’m sorry that we didn’t get that.”

“Me too.” Tony set his hand over Y/N’s that was resting on her belly. “But we’ll make it up with this one.”

~~~

Week 7 was full of the same symptoms as the previous weeks, though the nausea hadn’t been too bad since the doctor proscribed some meds. This week added on frequent urination. Y/N was either in the bathroom throwing up or peeing. Though, Tony wasn’t all that worried because he was currently doing all the research he could on pregnancy and birth.

Week 8 all the pregnancy symptoms were in full force, making Y/N feel bad for Tony. The two had contacted Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper, and told them the good news. The three were so excited, yet promised not to say anything to anyone after Tony swore them to secrecy. Rhodey asked Tony about them telling Steve, but was quickly shut down. Neither of them were ready to talk about or to Y/N’s brother just yet.

It was the first day of week 9 and Tony was up way before Y/N was. It had multiple surprises for her today and he wanted to make sure she was all rested up before he surprised her. Happy was helping as Tony packed up somethings. The cabin was finished and one of Tony’s surprises was going to be moving into the cabin.

“I’ll make sure that this all gets to the cabin and it’s all ready, Tony,” Happy said as the last thing was taken to the elevator. 

“Thanks, Happy,” Tony said. “We’ll see you then. I got to wake her and get her to get ready without making anything look suspicious.”

“Good luck, you’re gonna need it.”

Tony was facing Happy as he walked away. “Hey! At least she can’t read minds anymore.”

Tony headed to the bedroom to find Y/N sleeping soundly. He almost didn’t want to wake her, she was looking so peaceful. But he was just so excited for the day, he knew he couldn’t wait. Carefully, Tony crawled onto the bed and knelt over Y/N. He slowly began placing kisses anywhere that she had exposed skin.

“Tony,” she moaned.

“Yes?” He questioned with a smirk, still kissing her body.

“What are you doing?”

“Waking you up.”

“What for? I was actually getting some good sleep.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I have a few things planned for today.”

Opening one eye, she looked at Tony. “A few things?”

“Yes.” He kissed her lips quickly. “Now, your clothes are all laid out in the bathroom, so go shower and then we’ll head.” He gave her one more kiss before moving to stand beside the bed.

“What do you have up your sleeve, Tony?”

He took her hands and began to pull her up. “You’ll just have to wait and see.

~~~

Tony wouldn’t saw a word about where he was taking Y/N after they got in the car. Before she knew it the city was gone and the suburbs were slowly disappearing as well. 

“Seriously, Tony, where are you taking me?” Y/N asked.

“We’re almost there,” he responded. 

“Almost where?”

Tony chuckled. “You’re cute, you know that?” 

Y/N scoffed, folding her arms over her chest and pouting. “And you’re mean.”

“Love you too, honey.”

Tony turned and the car began to make its way up a windy dirt road. Y/N focused on looking out the window, for any clues. Eventually, a lake appeared, with a pier extending into it. They rounded a bend and Y/N saw a cabin.

“Oh,” she gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Is that—“

“Yes, honey,” Tony smiled. “Welcome home.”

“It’s… it’s better than I could have imagined it.”

“I’m glad.”

Tony stopped the car and ran around to help Y/N out. Tony helped her up, keeping a hold of her hand once she was standing. Y/N was looking around, in awe.

“When did it get finished?” Y/N wondered.

“A few days ago,” Tony answered. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“It’s wonderful. I love it.” She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. “And I love you.” She gave him a loving kiss. 

“Love you too. What do you want to see first?”

“Honestly, I kinda need to pee. So maybe we could head inside first?”

Tony laughed. “Okay, sweetheart.”

With an arm slung around Y/N’s waist, the two headed inside. As they walked further in, Y/N froze. The living room was lit with candles and there was rose petals scattered around.

“Tony,” Y/N said softly, leaving his side to further examine the room. “What is this?” She turned around and gasped. Tony was down on one knee, holding a ring up in his fingers. “Tony…”

“Just, please, let me get through this,” Tony pled, clearly nervous. “The past eight years that we’ve known each other, has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. But, I feel like that’s only made us stronger. We’ve both done our share of stupid shit, but we’ve always somehow ended up back together, trying to make it work… for me, this has been a long time coming. Happy has literally been caring this ring around for years, waiting for me to finally propose to you. And now, I’m going to because, honey, there is no one else in the world that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much and I already love our baby so much. So, Y/N Rogers, will you marry me?”

Biting her lip nervously, she nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes.”

“Yes!” Tony celebrated while slipping on the ring. “I was honestly so scared.” He stood up and brought Y/N into his chest. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” They began kissing, only for Y/n to quickly push away. “I’m so sorry, but I kinda just peed a little.” Tony threw his head back, laughing. Y/N playfully smacked his chest. “Don’t laugh! That’s mean!”

“I’m sorry, honey.” He kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and we can celebrate later?”

“I don’t know if you’ll be celebrating anything after that laugh,” Y/N grumbled, walking away. 

next chapter >

I have thought this through and changed my mind many times, but I swear that this time it’s for real. I have decided to do two endings: Tony’s Ending and Bucky’s Ending. I know that Team Bucky may be a little confused about how their ending is going to work after this chapter, but I promise it will. I will be taking a break soon, so the chapters/endings won’t be out too fast. (I will most likely just be posting on weekends for a little while.) But I just don’t want to disappoint either team with whatever I was originally going to choose as the one ending. I hope that everyone will be okay with two endings. I’m going to try to figure out the best way to post the endings so that all my readers will still be willing to read it.

Thank you all for the support! And please be patient with me and the story.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[sarcastic-nebula]

Humor Me

Today was one of those rare times when nothing needed to be done for the war. No shipping out, no briefings, not even a surprise Separatist attack had taken over the week’s schedule. Nevertheless, your job as a civilian mechanic for the 501st Legion raged on. While the men got some much deserved rest, you and the other civilian volunteers carried on as usual. Fixing faulty blasters, repairing damaged ships, and helping out where help was needed.

As much as you enjoyed working like an ant, doing her part for the colony, you really didn’t want to today. A headache pounded its way through your temples, making concentration for extended periods of time difficult. You weren’t even sure how it started; you were pretty sure you drank enough water and that you’d eaten that day, and that you got more than six hours of sleep. Since there was no reason for stress, that could not be the problem. Apparently, you would just have to deal with it. The bottle of simple painkillers taunted you from the refresher. You wanted to save those for when you truly needed them….but this headache was so bad, so you went ahead and swallowed two before heading to the mess hall to start the day.

Even after eating, and once the pain medicine kicked in, your headache remained there. How and why, you honestly didn’t know. What you did know was that you were nearly done repairing a blaster. Setting aside the finished product, you glanced at the still-too-many blasters to also take care of. Everyone else was busy at their own station with droids, and tech, and whatever, so you took a moment to close your eyes and relax, which helped with the head pain ever so slightly. Enough to notice the difference once you opened your eyes and groan internally at more work to do. You took a deep breath, and grabbed the next lucky blaster that needed fixing.

Now, could it be the wiring, the trigger, or something else? You ignored the now constant presence of the headache, which seemed to have slowly grown in intensity over the course of the day. You didn’t think to bring the pain pills with you, and you also thought lunch, time, and water would have helped. You were continuously proven wrong. A-ha! The ammunition junction! Immediately, you closed your eyes again and breathed. The realization of the problem with the blaster sent a strong strike of pain throughout your head. When it didn’t ease up right away, you set the blaster and the tool you held onto your worktable. It just wouldn’t stop for the love of kriff.

That’s it. Once you opened your eyes, you slowly got up and walked over to the officer overseeing the civvie volunteers, Miss Tari Mirius. Once you reached her desk, she looked up, and silently bade you to speak.

“Miss, is it alright if I turn in for the day? I have a headache that is making it difficult to concentrate, and I really don’t think-“

“(Y/N), you don’t need to worry about excuses. Things are so calm right now, I don’t blame you for wanting to get some rest. Do you need to see a medic, or need someone to stay with you?” Your boss’ quick understanding and thoughtful question made you do a double take, but then again, you rarely ask for things like this…or anything in general.

“No- no ma’am, I think I just need some sleep,” you replied carefully with a smile. Maker, you were going to have to work harder to get that pile of blasters finished. For now, you would force yourself to rest.

“Alright. Feel better soon, (Y/N),” the woman dismissed you with a smile, and then Miss Mirius returned to her paperwork.

You slowly left the civilian workspace, large enough for all of the volunteers, and made your way through the Resolute to your quarters. The bright lights throughout the ship burned your sensitive eye sockets, hurting your very brain even more. However, you pushed on to your crew’s women-only barracks, to your bunk, and collapsed face first into the pillow.

Time to try to sleep off this pain I didn't sign up for.

After what felt like minutes later, the door to the barracks slid open, causing you to blink rapidly and wake up. With a yawn and some shifting on your bunk, you sat up to see who dared bother your slumber.

"Hey. I heard you were having a headache?" The voice of the clones emanated from the newcomer. After adjusting to the light from the open door, and then the room's lights switching on, you noticed who had walked in. You smiled. Shaved and tattooed head, medic's emblem on his shoulder; Kix. He must have left his bucket in the medbay.

"Yeah, you heard correctly," and all of a sudden, the ache woke up and once again took root within your skull, causing you to wince. "Nothing serious, though. Can I help you?"

While you yawned again and faced his approaching form, he replied, "No, but I can help you. Don't you know how serious headaches can be?" He joked, and took a seat at the cot next to yours. You realized he was mostly serious when he set his med-pack next to himself.

"Oh yes, I can feel that the end is near. I see the light," you added sarcastically, and clutched at your chest, "papa, can you hear me?" You said as you pretended to reach for a ghost without laughing.

Kix laughed before you did, "Well, thank the Maker. I got here just in time!" With that, he pulled out his scanner, causing you to laugh.

"Really, it's nothing to worry about. You don't need to do all that." You told him once your giggles died down.

"But it was enough to make you quit working for the day. What if it's a concussion, or meningitis, or some horrible infection? You could die!" He rattled off in a not-so-serious tone.

"Just some sleep should do the trick. Maybe some fruit or electrolytes or-"

"Look," he cut you off with a sigh, "for the first time in a very long time, my medbay is empty. It's quiet and unsettling, and it's killing me that I literally have nothing to do. So, could you just" he looked up at you from his seated position across from you, almost pleading, "humor me?"

The man was so bored, he wanted to play doctor over a simple headache. With an exaggerated eye roll, you nodded. "How do you want me?"

Almost like an excited loth pup, Kix sprung up and turned on his medscanner. "Just how you are is fine, just stay still," he said as he waved the scanner up and down your whole body. Once he stopped, with his eyes on the readings, he said you could relax. You simply stayed as you were.

"Give it to me straight, doc. Am I gonna die?"

After a few more moments, Kix sat down and sighed dramatically. Looking up at you, he said, "Luckily, I got here just in time. A second later, and we could have lost you. You, my dear, are suffering from a sinus headache and mild dehydration." His serious tone in this low-risk situation was the most ridiculous thing. Once you calmed down, a smile remained on his face. "Take some allergy meds and drink water, or some of that sports drink the men take after training. The sugars should help once you wake up from your prescribed nap, which you should continue after taking one of these" he handed you a little bottle of allergy pills, "and drinking this," and then gave you a blue colored electrolyte drink from his pack. He must have seen you sneezing on the last mission to that dusty planet....and he must have known earlier exactly what you needed.

"Thanks, Kix." You smiled, and stood up to give the man a hug. He could be really sweet, sometimes. All the troopers could, really. Kix had gotten up too, and stiffened at your hug. Dammit, I should have asked. You quickly released him upon realizing your error.

"Sorry, I should have asked first."

"No, no, it's alright. I just wasn't expecting it. I don't really get hugs from people who aren't brothers." He said frankly, with a hint of nervousness.

"I'm sorry, but that just makes me want to hug you more. I'll refrain though. I just want you to know that I am grateful for you as a... friend. So, thank you."

You made to sit back down on your bunk when he replied with his comforting hand on your shoulder, "I am thankful for you, too, cyar'ika." He began to exit the barracks with a smile on his face, when he remembered, "And take one of those pills every night 'til they run out!"

[peralta-guaranteed]

hc of amy having a bad day and struggling with mac? say he’s very clingy or also upset

Guess what, this accidentally turned into a fic too. And it kinda shifted into 'Jake and Amy having a bad day and struggling with Mac for very different reasons'... I hope you still like it!

(read it on AO3)

It had become evident pretty early on that when Mac got sick, he gravitated towards Amy much more. Sure, Jake was also sometimes good for snotty cuddles and cough-soothing baths, but at some point he would call for his mom, or whine and spread his arms towards her with his legs kicking in frustration, and it said a lot about how much Jake has grown that he didn't even hesitate to hand him over without acting hurt. Maybe the blissful calm washing over Mac's face as soon as Amy was hugging him helped with that, too. It was such a wonderful thing to see after hours of crying, coughing, sneezing, whining and general sad pouting that only a Peralta-baby is capable of, Jake barely had the energy to worry about how it felt to be so blatantly rejected by his little boy.

It'd also become evident that Mac’s clingy phase had started a bit earlier than most of their parenting books prophesied. If Amy was home, he wanted to be on her lap, or in her arms, or wrapping his little arms around her leg as she tried to work in the kitchen. Jake got “NO!”ed and waved away far more often than he was asked for a hug himself, and again, it took a lot of newfound maturity not to let that get to him - and maybe he did not have enough of that yet, because it absolutely got to him in quieter moments.

(He knew it’d pass, like any phase in a toddler’s life passes at some point. Like the phase of Mac refusing anything but that one specific carrot puree passed, or the phase of him being unable to sleep anywhere except cuddled in between them, waking up as soon as they tried to carry him back to his own bed.)

The real trouble starts when both these situations collide.

-*-

Mac woke them up at 4:30 sharp, two hours before Amy’s first alarm, crying so hard it almost sounded like screaming. When Jake tiptoed into the nursery, he had to ignore the frustrated shouts of Nonono and Mamam that he was almost used to by now, to actually check what was wrong. Probably another ear infection, he realised after seeing the symptoms they’d become very familiar with during the last time they’d battled through one of those. They had to bring him to the doctor to be sure, but he already knew they were looking forward to at least two days of unsoothable crying and fussing.

He also knew that things would be hell for Amy.

In theory, it would make far more sense for him to call in sick to take care of Mac. As much as he loved his detective work, the simple fact that his wife outranked him (and thus outdid him in both salary and responsibilities, obviously) meant that if one of them had to take a few days off, it should be him first and foremost. In practice, however, Mac was going to be even more insufferable than just from his sickness if left alone with him at the moment. He was still crying for Amy as Jake lifted him out of the cot - he would be screaming bloody murder if she closed the door of the apartment behind her.

“Earache?” Amy asked already as Jake stepped back into the bedroom, Mac’s wailing lessening only slightly as he stretched his arms out toward her. She pulled him to her as Jake sighed and nodded.

“I think so. I’ll take him to the doc when they open.” He tried to offer, but he knew Amy would refuse it anyway.

“No, I can do it. I’ll call in sick - you get back to sleep for work.”

“I’ll try.” He sighed again as he dropped onto his back while Amy was sitting up to sway Mac, who’d actually quieted down into little sobs and sniffles in her arms. “I’m sorry, Ames.”

“It’s nobody’s fault he’s sick, especially not yours.”

“Yeah, but I wish I could help more. If he wasn’t- you know.”

“I know.” Amy let her free hand not holding Mac drift through Jake’s sleep-messy curls. She knew that, as much as he tried to pretend it wasn’t bothering him, he secretly hated the thought of his son rejecting him in any way, even if it was as nonsensical as a clingy toddler phase.

Luckily it didn’t take long for him to actually fall back asleep with her hand in his hair, and she carefully wiggled out of bed to let him rest while settling down with a still crying Mac in his nursery rocking chair.

-*-

They got to get ready together as they usually did in the morning, at least - even if Amy was only getting dressed to drive to the pediatrician and straight back again. She’d already called Holt and explained the situation before Jake handed her a mug of coffee, and Mac had been, at the least, not crying for the last ten minutes while sitting in his playpen in the living room. Maybe things wouldn’t be as bad as last time.

“I can pick up whatever the doc prescribes on my lunch break.” Jake smiled at her, ruefully, and she considered telling him again that it was okay, that she could do it - but something told her to keep her options of at least a few minutes not alone with a sick toddler open.

She desperately needed that option when lunchtime came around.

Doctor Maurice had quickly confirmed their suspicions and told her that there wasn’t much more they could do than wait it out, keep an eye on his fever and medicate with ibuprofen and warm compresses. Not that any of that had helped. When Mac wasn’t crying, he was screaming, and when he wasn’t screaming, he wanted to be close to her, but he couldn’t lie down without the pain getting worse, so simply plonking down on the couch with him was out of the question. She’d let him breastfeed far more than had been their norm now that he was slowly getting weaned, because it seemed to give him some relief at least, as well as quieting him for a blissful moment. But then the infection had travelled to his stomach as well, the same way it had last time, and he staunchly refused any and all food or milk. She’d seriously started considering foregoing the diapers completely and just letting him play in the empty bathtub so she could rinse him off from time to time, because five dirty diapers in under twenty minutes had to be some sort of new record.

So when Jake texted her he was on his way, with a picture of another box of ibuprofen and that herbal steam-bath mix that had helped last time, she sent a silent thank you prayer to anyone who wanted to listen. And she mumbled a not quite as silent thank you against Jake’s lips before he could even get his shoes off at the door.

“I got you one of the good bagel sandwiches for lunch, too.” He said as he hugged her and combed through her messy hair.

“I love you so much.” She hadn’t even realised that the only thing in her stomach so far was still the cup of coffee he’d made her this morning.

He grinned as he put the deli paper bag on the kitchen counter and went over to Mac’s playpen, to say hello to a currently only softly whining toddler smacking an innocent teddy against a pile of soft fabric blocks. Amy followed to wrap her arms around his waist from behind and rest her head against his back, taking in a few deep breaths of Jake, of something that didn’t smell of diarrhea, moist compresses, milk-hiccups and spit up.

“Also Holt gave me an hour for lunch, so if you want to take a nap or something-”

“God.” Amy groaned with pure happiness as Jake turned around in her embrace. “Marry me, Mr. Perfect.”

“Any place, any time, babe.” He kissed the crown of her head while returning her hug, sniffing her hair with a chuckle. “But maybe a shower first before the big day.”

“Rude.” Amy mumbled with her face pressed against his chest. “I rescind the proposal.”

His chuckle turned into a laugh at that, and he slowly unraveled her arms around him. “Nap first, then shower, how’s that sound? Then a bagel. I’ll give Mac his lunch.”

“Good luck with that.” She sighed before giving him another quick kiss and making a beeline for the bedroom.

-*-

She’d hopped straight from bed into the bathroom later, relishing in the feeling of the hot water washing away any aches left over after that much needed nap. Alas, when she stepped out of the oh-so-peaceful bathroom, she was met with a wall of sound.

Mac was wailing, hard, as Jake swayed him back and forth, holding another warm compress against his little ear, and trying to make soothing noises despite the shrill screams of No and MAMA! straight into his face.

“Shsshhshsh, hey, it’s okay, bud, it’s okay. I know you don’t like me much at the moment, but it’s gonna be okay, and mom is coming back soon-”

He stopped as he noticed her stepping into the room, giving her an apologetic smile as she took Mac from him. The wailing turned into regular crying at least, albeit still loud.

“I’m sorry babe - did he wake you up? He won’t eat either.”

“I set an alarm, actually. So you won’t be back late.” Amy sat down on the couch and pulled up her shirt (freshly changed after the shower, and god had that felt good as well). Mac latched onto her breast almost immediately, and a wonderful quiet settled across the room, only his little snuffling and suckling noises breaking through.

Jake’s face was unreadable before he turned towards the kitchen to plate her bagel, but that stoic, almost empty expression told her enough anyway. She grabbed his wrist as he set the plate down on the couch table, pulled softly until he sat down next to her, running her fingers through his hair again to comfort him.

“You know it’s not true, right?”

“Hm?” Jake looked up at her after watching Mac, who finally seemed to calm down completely in her arm, with a vacant look in his eyes.

“It’s not true that he doesn’t like you. He loves you just as much as me. It’s just a difficult phase.”

“I know that.” Jake’s attempt at a smile was still sad enough, and she wiped across the corner of it with the soft tip of her thumb.

“And I love you too. So much.”

“I know that.” And this new smile seemed to turn out right, at least. “You wanna re-marry me, after all.” He teased as he leant his head against her shoulder, looking down at Mac again with a much less forlorn expression.

“Hey, I rescinded that proposal!” She quipped back, falling into their usual banter easily now that she was rested enough and sure that Jake felt better as well. “But I might consider re-re-proposing again if you promise to pick up Polish for dinner.”

“I knew you only wanted me for all the free food delivery.”

“I also need you for other things.” Amy said as she sat up a bit straighter to finish Mac’s feeding, Jake’s head lifting off of her shoulder with the movement. “Like burping your kid. I really don’t want spit-up down this fresh shirt.”

“Aye aye, Sergeant.” Jake joked, already scrabbling for the burp cloth thrown over the armchair next to them and taking Mac out of her arms.

She watched him as he expertly settled the little, squirming bundle against his chest, the swaying and patting motion almost second nature by now, ducking his head down for a quick sniff of that perfect toddler hair scent. He’d have to leave for the precinct soon enough, and she certainly wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the afternoon probably being a reprise of her entire morning, and she didn’t even want to think about the night or next day to come.

Life with a toddler was unpredictable. Almost nothing was in her control anymore. But, as she’d learned over the years, as long as she was with the right people, she could handle anything. And Jake Peralta proved, again and again, that he was the right person for her.

[seriouslyhooked]

The Best Bad Idea

Three-part CS AU where Emma and Killian are doctors working at the same hospital (world without pandemic). They’ve yet to meet, but Emma has definitely seen the sexy Dr. Jones in her travels at Mist Haven Medical. It’s generally a bad idea to get involved with a colleague, but a little fantasizing never hurt… right? Inspired by the song ‘Bad Idea’ by Ariana Grande and a TV couple who set the bar for true love stories. 

Available on FF Here and AO3 Here. 

A/N: Hey all! Here is a little something I made instead of being a responsible writer and finishing my other projects. I’ll be back to my other WIPs soon (God willing), but in the meantime here’s my 1000th attempt at writing a Captain Swan meet cute. I needed to get some words on the page, and this is the result. Hope you all enjoy, and thanks for reading!

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, Thump. Steady, sure, and even. A solid pulsing sound with no inconsistencies and no delays or false starts.

In this particular patient, that fourth set of beats was the most important. Prior to his recent operation, Earl MacDonald’s heart had been weak and skipping needed pulses, then constricting far too harshly on every fourth measure. That type of arrhythmia had potentially disastrous consequences, but those worrying beats were seemingly behind them. The rhythm Emma heard through the stethoscope was a regularly circulating drumline, the tell-tale song of a heart that was working, and working well. Her surgical intervention had been successful.

She gently released the breath she was holding, a sign of the stress that she carried while waiting for patients to recuperate. Emma never let the patients see her sweat, but she had been worried on multiple levels in this case. Earl was going on 80, and not a logical contender for intensive cardiac mediation, but Emma’s gut had told her he could handle it, and she was rarely ever wrong. Earl forged through the surgery like a much younger man, and his outputs post-operation had all been extremely encouraging. It was shaping up to be another win, another life saved thanks to the power of medicine, and that filled Emma with real joy. She always did her absolute best to create good outcomes, and this time there was so much more on the line than one life. This was a man who was loved and cherished by the people closest to him, and who would be sorely missed if something were to happen.

“Anything you want me to note for the chart, Doctor Swan?” 

Emma bit back a witty retort at the pointed use of the word ‘Doctor.’ She was one of the few surgeons in this hospital who didn’t care what people called her, as long as they called on her early enough to actually save the patient’s life. But with Belle, a person Emma considered a dear and true friend, there was an added lilt of sass when using her title. Her friend was one of the nurse practitioners that Emma had been working with for years, since the day she landed here as a medical intern, but despite their differences in degrees, Belle was easily the most well-read and brilliant resource when it came to medical literature in this hospital.

“Just that Mr. MacDonald is healing nicely.”

“Did you hear that Lorraine?” Earl asked, with a Cheshire cat smile on his face, and the glint of true pride in his eyes. “Doctor Emma says I’m healing nicely.”

“Hard not to hear, seeing as I’m right beside you,” Loraine quipped, but she squeezed his hand affectionately, and offered a warm smile to her husband all the same.

“You know, usually being dubbed ‘nice’ is the kiss of death for a man.”

“Earl!” Loraine chastised, clearly not liking his word choice. Earl smiled wider, looking almost boyish in his delight.

“Well, so to speak. But I was going to say that I think we can make an exception this time. I’ve never been so happy to be referred to as ‘nice’ in my life.”

“Technically Doctor Swan was referring to your vital signs, Earl,” Belle taunted from across the room, holding back a smile Emma knew she was bound to let loose soon enough.

“Aw come on, you both know I am your favorite patient. I mean I’m not exactly pressed for competition. Have you seen the people on this floor? Good grief.”

“Ignore him, ladies. He’s all talk. He hasn’t left this room since we got here,” Loraine said, rolling her eyes, as if these antics were a constant occurrence. Based on her small window of experience with Earl, Emma would believe it. “Every meal, every visit, every moment has been within these four walls. Even his PT has been in here.”

“His PT has been here?” Emma asked, surprised that Mary Margaret, their head Occupational Therapist, had allowed for that. She was normally a by-the-book professional, and Emma never knew her friend to provide rehab consults outside of her studio.

“Yup. I told Miss Mary Margaret that I had a wife to keep an eye on and she relented.”

“No, actually what you said was, ‘Excuse me, Ms. Blanchard? You probably heard I just had heart surgery. Well, the thing is, my heart is sitting in this room. I’d like to be with her. Doesn’t seem right to be separated so soon, given what we’ve been through.’ Then you pointed at me, and used your puppy dog eyes on her. Next thing I knew, she had lugged enough equipment to fill the room here. No questions, just action.”

“I bet she ate that right up,” Belle said with a wink. “Mary Margaret loves nothing more than love itself.”

Belle and Mrs. MacDonald discussed Mary Margaret’s love of love, and Earl’s improved mobility, for a few more minutes while Emma continued checking his stats, but ultimately Earl’s patience was wearing thin. He really only had one thing on his mind, and he was now determined to ask about it. Emma was honestly shocked that he managed to wait this long. She knew it was only a matter of time and she was ready for the showdown.

“So, what do you think, Doc? Am I making it home in time for the party?”

“The one for your grandson on Sunday?” she asked, noting the three-day window between now and then. She had heard about this party non-stop, since the moment Earl woke up from the procedure. It was a central fixation for the old man, a celebration that would host his entire family, and a goal he had been carrying for over a week. Earl nodded and Emma hesitated for a few seconds, before smiling and giving the good news away. “Yes, I am confident that Jayden’s ‘Pop Pops’ will be in attendance when he turns four. But you know the rules…”

“I know, I know: no good food, no strenuous exercise, no having fun.”

“Earl.” Just the utterance of the old man’s name from his wife was enough to have him looking like a kid with his hand caught in the candy jar. Emma and Belle both chuckled at that child-like expression. It was hard not to; the old married couple was just too sweet.

“I’m sorry. I know this is serious, but what is life if you can’t have a little fun?”

“Fun comes in all shapes and sizes, Mr. MacDonald, and despite what you may think about your prescribed lifestyle changes, you’re forgetting two things. First, most of these less-alluring prescriptions will be temporary, and second, you’re a man who clearly loves a challenge.”

“Oh yeah? And how do you know that, Doc?” 

“Well for one thing, you somehow landed a lady as remarkable as Loraine. There’s no way she came easy with these corny jokes of yours. You must have worked harder than you ever worked in your life to persuade her to give you a chance.”

The laughter from the older couple was boisterous and heartwarming, and Emma knew she was right on the money. At this point, she had the ability to sniff out true affection, and these two had it in spades. Many couples she saw facing emergency room disasters together didn’t have the same good luck.

“You got that right, Doc. You know the first time we met was at the -,”

Earl’s story was unceremoniously interrupted by the crackling of the PA system specific to this room. It buzzed for a few moments before a message was delivered in a saccharine sweet voice that sounded nothing like the announcer’s normal tone.

“Paging Doctor Swan to the Nurse’s station. Doctor Swan to the Nurse’s station, code 741.”

Emma waited for the feed to cut off and began to tell Earl to please go on with the story, but the call came out again.

“Paging Doctor Swan to the Nurse’s station. Doctor Swan, code 741.”

“You know she’s just going to keep doing that until she gets her way,” Belle murmured. Emma nodded. It was no use. What Ruby Lucas wanted, Ruby Lucas got. That just seemed to be the way of the world.

“Belle, would you mind telling Ruby I’m with a patient at the moment? I will be there when I can. She can always proceed without me.”

Belle snorted out a laugh, knowing that last part would never happen, but gave a swift affirmation that she would relay the message before waving goodbye to the MacDonald’s and promising to see them soon. As her friend headed out, Emma sighed, knowing there was no way Ruby was going to give things up that easily. She had a matter of moments before some new tactic would be deployed.

“I’m sorry about that. You were saying?”

“Eh it’s kind of a long story, and you’ve got places to be, Doc. Just know, true love won out in the end with me and my Loraine. It always does.”

Emma couldn’t deny that their love appeared true even after their fifty plus years together. She personally had never experienced a love like that, but she was wondering more and more if maybe it was out there, somewhere in the later chapters of her story. For years she thought herself above that kind of need. She found validation in herself and in her work. She dedicated herself to helping others, and that had always been enough. But the loneliness that became a constant when she was growing up in foster care still lingered, and she wondered if someone might ever come along who could inspire her to take a chance and risk her heart.

“You know, I actually worked as a nurse before my kids were born,” Loraine commented easily. Emma nodded and smiled as she checked the last of Mr. MacDonald’s IV drips. Emma was aware of the older woman’s solid medical understanding. Loraine had continued to demonstrate it the entire time her husband was admitted in this ward. “I’m trying to remember if I ever ran into a code 741.”

“Oh, uh, I think – well, erm, I mean you probably didn’t,” Emma said, hoping she didn’t turn beet red at the passing comment from the older woman. She was already stuttering, which was completely out of character and eighty shades of embarrassing. Loraine’s words feigned ignorance, but her eyes told a different story. Still Emma tried to play it off. “It’s really not a big deal. Just a non-emergent protocol.”

Another alert sounded, but this time it came through the ceiling unit reserved for announcements to the wider reaches of the hospital. “Attention to all surgical ward personnel. We are paging Doctor Swan to the nurse’s station. Doctor Swan, you are needed at the nurse’s station immediately for a code 741.” The talking stopped, but the air crackled signaling that the line was still live. “Immediately.”

“Sounds pretty urgent to me,” Loraine replied. The curiosity in her gaze told Emma that the older woman was onto them, but it was Earl’s comment that cut too close for comfort.

“When I was in the war, all of our numeric codes corresponded to letters. So 7 was H, 4 was D, 1 was A. H – D – A. HDA, now what could that be….?” Uh oh. Now Emma really had to get out of here before she accidentally admitted Ruby’s code’s meaning – Hot Doctor Alert. That would be the cherry on top of a full-blown mortification sundae.

“All righty, well like I told Belle, all your scans look good. Doctor Whale is on shift this evening during the next series of rounds, so I’ll make sure your file is ready for him.”

“Of course, dear, and good luck with your doctor, er – I mean – code.”

Emma stammered out something like an ‘okay thanks,’ while leaving. She tried to get her bearings once she was out of sight of the room, but she had nowhere to go. Everyone on this floor had just heard her page, and there were bound to be at least a few who understood the meaning. She was so embarrassed, and more than a little ticked at Ruby. She was supposed to be her best friend, but she was always pulling these crazy stunts. They were mostly harmless, but for Emma, who hated being the subject of hospital gossip, it was anxiety inducing to say the least.

“Please tell me that you did not just broadcast that to the entire hospital,” Emma said, arriving at the nurse’s station with a sense of urgency, and watching some of the other nurses scurry off to avoid the confrontation. Ruby, however, was unfazed. Actually, the nurse manager just rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag and phone from her cubby, as if Emma was the one who was annoying and not the other way around.

“And here I was thinking we were the best of friends. Soul sisters, kindred spirits, friends for life. But no, ye of little faith, you actually believe I would broadcast the hot doc alert to all of Mist Haven? What kind of friend would do that?”

“But if you didn’t… then how did you…?” Emma’s questions trailed off, but her arms flailed towards the ceiling and the look on her face spoke for itself – how had Ruby used the hospital wide PA system without actually broadcasting to the entire hospital?

“You know Tink up in nuero?” Emma nodded, well acquainted with the nurse manager who had Ruby’s job on the fifth floor but with a specialization of the brain and nervous system. She was a tiny woman, but she ruled that ward with more than capable hands. “She and I bribed the IT guys to make the nurse managers an override. Now we can circumvent the PA software whenever we want. Bring some of you more stubborn Doctors to heal when it comes to answering our pages.”

“That’s… well, actually that’s genius,” Emma admitted.

“I like to think so,” Ruby teased, offering a genuine smile. The two friends laughed at all of this, and Emma felt so much better knowing that their secret was still relatively secure. The last thing she wanted was everyone knowing how she was spending her lunch breaks these days.  

“Gus, you’re holding down the fort while I’m gone, right?” Ruby asked, her smile turning slightly wicked with the purposeful jest aimed at the new nursing aid sitting behind the desk.

“Me?” The new hire replied, suddenly white as a sheet. Emma had never seen the man so stricken, and as a new nurse he had plenty of high-stress moments to look alarmed during. “I – uh – well – I -,”

“It’s called comedic relief, Gus. Commonly referred to as joking. Do me a favor, learn about it by the end of shift, kay?” Ruby pivoted to the person she actually trusted to man the fort. “Thirty minutes work for you, Belle?”

“I’ve got it handled.”

“Excellent. We’ll return with a full report,” Ruby said, grabbing Emma’s arm and moving them down the hallway before Emma could even say goodbye. “Newbies – can’t live with them, can’t pawn off scut work without them.”

“You are terrible. And yet… the look on his face just now…? Priceless,” Emma acquiesced. “But seriously, Ruby, can we PLEASE find another way to page me for this? My patients are not stupid, and the code isn’t exactly original. It’s kind of…” Ruby’s grin was so big that it stopped Emma in her tracks. She was currently trying to hold her friend to account, but Ruby looked like she’d won the lottery. “What?”

“You are so totally into him! I mean listen to you right now.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Emma said, feeling her cheeks flush against her will. 

“Exactly,” Ruby said. “You’re telling me to be more discreet when I send the bat signal, but you still want me to send it. Do you realize how unlike you that is?”

“Despite what you may think, Ruby. I’m a doctor, I’m not dead. I can appreciate a hot guy now and again.”

“Doubtful. Remember last month when all those pro hockey players were here after Ocheski collapsed on the ice? You had a room full of crazy sexy men. Like virile, hot, muscled men who get paid big money to beat each other up on the ice. Most women would die for that chance, and to make it even better, most of them were hitting on you. And what did you do? Nothing. You didn’t even blink.”

“They were not hitting on me,” Emma affirmed, but the words were hollow. They had been trying to flirt with her. A few had even attempted to get her number.

“They were hitting on you,” Ruby said adamantly.  

“He was a patient, and the rest of them were essentially his family. You know I’d never cross that line. Doesn’t count.”

“Fine, then what about Dr. King? When he came for that conjoined twins case last year, you had no interest. Zero. Zilch.”

“King was an asshole, you know that,” Emma said, belatedly catching her use of profanity and checking that no patients were around. Luckily the coast was clear.

“So? You didn’t have to marry the guy. Hot is hot, honey. That’s just how things are.” 

Emma barked out a laugh at even the thought of marrying someone like that. Arthur King was just about the worst person she could fathom to spend a life with. He was narcissistic and carrying around one of the biggest god-complexes she’d ever seen, and she was a surgeon, so she was an expert on god-complexes. 

“Your face really says it all, Emma. I mean honestly, poker would be a terrible game for you to take up. Your contempt for King is obvious, but, meanwhile, as soon as I mention Doctor Jones… aha! See, totally shifted.”

Emma didn’t know what to say to that. She could try and protest, but her friend knew her too well for that. The best thing to do was say nothing, and she was saved by their arrival at their destination. The coffee cart in the center of the action, near the entrance of Mist Haven. Here was where the wards crossed paths. Her surgical wing met up with the specialties departments, the ER, the community clinic, and more. It was also swarmed with both hospital workers and visitors. Typically, this was the last place she wanted to be, but recently it had become a highlight of her day.

“Emma? Ruby? What’s brought you out here?” a voice asked. It was Mary Margaret, and given her street clothes and jacket, Emma would guess she was just starting her shift.

“Haven’t you heard? There’s fresh meat from the ER. Two showings a day, but we favor the afternoon delight.”

“Oh right,” Mary Margaret said, nodding, like Ruby’s words were totally normal, and for Ruby they were. “I heard about the new ER Chief. Doctor Nolan? I meant to get down there and bring him something to welcome him, but I’ve been so swamped this week. My caseload is crazy at the moment. I hope he won’t think too badly of me for being a bit late.”

“Mary Margaret, literally no one in a hospital brings people cupcakes as a welcome gift, especially not new guys in other departments.” Ruby was not wrong. Hospitals were hardly the most happy-go-lucky of places. At least not usually. “Believe me, the man will be grateful whenever they come. If he even eats them. He’s fit – like fit, fit. Keto diet and a personal trainer fit. The kind of fit that makes you -,”

“Careful, Ruby,” Emma teased. “What if Graham heard you saying that?”

“God, I wish. You know how worked up he gets, and how he works out his frustrations.” Ruby’s tone was dripping in suggestion. “It’s one of the many reasons I live to drive him crazy.”

Emma and Mary Margaret laughed at Ruby’s apt assessment of her relationship with her boyfriend. Ruby had been dating the fireman for almost a year now, since he came in on one of the ambulance bays with a victim he’d rescued from a fire, but Ruby was hardly the predictable type, and Graham seemed to love that about her. They were still going strong despite her willful, wild child nature, and Emma suspected they may be built to last.

“Doctor Nolan must really be something to get you out here, Emma,” Mary Margaret said, moving forward in the line, inching ever closer to the mediocre coffee the cart promised.  

“Ha! Hardly. Emma’s not here for Nolan. She’s here for Jones.”

“Jones?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Girl, where have you been? Doctor Killian Jones, trauma surgeon extraordinaire. Chief Mills brought him here for a ‘collaboration’ with the ER, but she’s totally trying to recruit him for head of his own department. Turns out he and David Nolan are old friends. Same medical school maybe? I don’t know, no one’s gotten me those details yet. Anyway, Regina hardly leaves him alone. She only misses this little window because she’s hooking up with Doctor Locksley in the supply room on the 2nd floor.”

“She’s WHAT?!” Emma and Mary Margaret yelled at the same time and Ruby looked aghast for the first time today. Some other hospital staff in the area glanced over, but no one paid much mind beyond a head nod. Everyone was absorbed in their own need for caffeine, and no one was the wiser of the bombshell Ruby had just dropped.

“Oh shoot, I wasn’t supposed to say that. I promised Ella, damn it!”

“Ella, her assistant? I thought she quit,” Mary Margaret stage whispered.

“Oh she did. Made it a whole two months, which, you know, makes sense given the fact that Regina is a nightmare. But the last week she was here, she learned a crucial secret regarding her Majesty. She spilled last week at The White Rabbit, but I promised her I wouldn’t tell until she’s settled at her new job at GMH. So you did not hear this from me, and I did not hear this from her, capische?”

“I can’t believe the Evil Queen is dating someone,” Mary Margaret said, deeply disturbed by the idea. She shuddered at the thought, and this was someone who loved love. But love and Regina Mills didn’t really feel like concepts that belonged in the same sentence. Scratch that, they didn’t really even belong in the same book. “She’s just so…”

“Evil?” Emma responded. The nickname worked for a reason, after all. The hospital Chief was downright tyrannical.

“Exactly.”

“Well dating is a stretch. She’s screwing someone. But then again, who knows. Ella said she actually saw her smiling in those final days. And not that evil one she’s famous for. Like a real, genuine, I have a heart, smile.”

“No way,” Emma said at the same time Mary Margaret murmured, “Well would you look at that.”

“Don’t worry. I’m on the case. The temp is a totally easy mark – Sydney something. I’m buying him lunch tomorrow. I’ll have the whole story before you know it.”

“Won’t Graham be proud,” Emma chuckled, but her joke fell on deaf ears as something caught Ruby’s attention across the way. Her friend’s countenance changed immediately, putting Emma on alert.

“Ooh, they’re coming! Act normal.”

Normally, Emma would have laughed at that command, but she was too busy feeling the spike of adrenaline at the impending arrival of one Doctor Killian Jones. He really was a world-renowned trauma surgeon, who was working on a number of cutting-edge techniques that saved lives and gave critical care patients better chances to recover. She had actually heard of him a few years ago when reading about a new procedure to treat arrhythmia in patients with traumatic injury. He engineered it in the field, while serving in the British naval forces, and his paper had been circulating in cardiac wings around the country, but she never saw the man before last week when he arrived in Boston.  Suffice it to say she could not have imagined that this marvel of modern medicine would also be so roguishly handsome.

Spotting him today across the great hall, Emma was struck again by just how attractive this man was. She couldn’t even comprehend it really. All she knew was that she had yet to find a fault in him. Every day she’d stolen secret glances, and every time he proved better than her memory. It was crazy, and very reminiscent of schoolgirl crushes and teenage day dreams, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. It was intoxicating, and despite her best efforts, she was powerless to turn Ruby’s invites to the show down when she could witness this each and every day.

The first thing that she’d noticed about him was his general presence. His posture was strong and straight and assured. He looked ready for anything, but somehow laid back, like he was totally in control. People naturally parted when he walked by, as if he silently willed the flow of the hospital traffic. Ruby called it swagger. Emma called it… well something not quite safe for work. Couple that general aura of authority with the classically gorgeous features of his face, and Emma was lost. On that first day (and okay, maybe on the others as well), she actually felt her knees get weak. She always thought that was a bogus cliché, but nope, it was real, and she was the proof of it. From there she was hooked, and over time she’d chronicled more and more things to like about him.

Yesterday it had been his hair. As she watched him across the atrium, she noticed that the shade shone bright in the sun, but that it was nearer to midnight than any color brown. It was slightly longer than most of the other male doctors wore theirs, but not so long that it looked unkempt or unprofessional, at least not yet. She knew for a fact that the military never would allow for such a style, and it felt like a bit of rebellion, or maybe a lack of care for what others thought. Both sent a delicious thrill through Emma, even though she had no real confirmation one way or another. Maybe he was just lazy, but that wasn’t how she imagined him…

And oh boy did she imagine him. At first she hadn’t meant to. She just had these flashbacks to seeing him that she carried through the day. These visceral visions always started the same: he would walk by, looking downright delicious and impossible to resist, then he would turn his eyes her way here in the middle of the hospital hustle and bustle. She’d feel caught in his stare, sense the hunger even from the distance, and her heart would quicken to a maddening crescendo as he walked her way. The rest of the world would fade from view, and it would feel like they were the only two people alive. Her gaze would stay transfixed on his almost cocky composure and the hard line of his bearded jaw. The attraction in his blue eyes would light a fire in her, and then, without so much as a word like ‘hello’ or ‘nice to meet you,’ he’d pull her into his embrace and kiss her senseless. She could practically taste him on her tongue, and yet she’d never even heard him speak. People who had, who were later interrogated by Ruby, mentioned that he had an accent. British or Irish, or something along those lines. That tidbit had played oh so sweetly in Emma’s mind this week. God, she’d love to hear him say her name -,

“Emma,” a voice beside her said, but it didn’t pull her out of the fog. “Oh my God, Emma, he’s looking right at you.”

“He’s what?” Emma said, blinking back to reality before finding that Doctor Jones was looking this way. She’d been so busy fantasizing, she stopped paying attention to what was right in front of her.

In the middle of the room, the man who had intrigued her for over a week was standing totally still, disregarding the swarm of people on all sides. His entire attention had shifted from the task ahead of him, and he was looking at her, staring with a blend of intrigue and something Emma couldn’t describe. Doctor Nolan had stopped as well, but he was clearly confused as to the delay. He seemed to ask his friend what was wrong, and Emma watched spell bound, as the lips she’d envisioned kissing her moved in some kind of unheard reply. She couldn’t make out his words, but she shivered at the passion and determination etched across his being. David then looked their way, and Emma knew that Doctor Jones – Killian - had asked about them. No, forget that, he had asked about her. He was looking right at her, and that spark of heat and desire she’d always imagined was nowhere near as tantalizing as the real thing. He was looking at her with the same hunger she’d reserved for her wildest imaginings. Holy crap, what was she going to do?

“Ruby?” she asked, her voice squeaked out in alarm. She tore her gaze from the approaching object of her desire and looked to her best friend with overt confusion and mild panic.

“Took him long enough to spot you. It’s been almost a week. I thought I was going to have to hire a marching band or one of those giant arrow guys they have at outlet malls.”

Emma didn’t understand, and then it dawned on her – her friend had planned this. Emma looked at Mary Margaret, but she was still staring in the distance. Only when Emma followed her gaze did she realize that Mary Margaret wasn’t looking at Killian. She was looking at David.

“Hey, ladies, you looking to order, or what? I ain’t got all day!”

The three of them jumped at the barista’s interruption and Mary Margaret surged ahead to the line. She rattled off an order, giving way too much money to the attendant while grabbing her cup with shaky hands. Then she looked at David and back to Emma with an expression that said Mary Margaret may just bolt. Ok, what the actual hell was going on?

Before she could begin to answer that internal question, Doctor Jones and Doctor Nolan were within ear shot. Emma wracked her brain for something to say when they finally got here, but was spared when David broke the ice.

“Doctor Swan,” he said with a head nod and a polite smile. They knew each other peripherally at this point. Emma had consulted on numerous ER cases since Doctor Nolan started his new position. But she wouldn’t call them friends. They were very much acquaintances. “I heard Earl MacDonald is recovering nicely. He most definitely has you to thank for that.”

“And you too,” she said, offering credit where it was due. “A quick diagnosis makes all the difference. I’ve noticed the ER is filled with them since you started.”

“That’s kind of you. I don’t believe you’ve met my friend, Doctor Jones.”

“Killian,” Doctor Jones said immediately, before offering a heart stopping smile of his own. Emma had yet to see the man smile, and her heart skipped a beat, the rhythm of her pulse skittering in an almost blissful way. “A pleasure to meet you, Swan.”

He offered his hand to her, and Emma took it, shaking in greeting even though it was uncommon for doctors or nursing staff to do so. Chief Mills stressed that germ management was a top priority at Mist Haven, and she’d come as close to banning the practice as was legal in the state of Massachusetts. Usually Emma didn’t mind, but germs were the farthest thing from her radar when their fingers touched. Instead, Emma was filled with the zapping sense of promise and a thrill of warmth that made her head swim.

“Emma,” she whispered. A beat passed between them, and Emma lost herself for too long. Only the clearing of a throat beside them brought her back to the moment. She let go of his hand, but tracked the slight disappointment on his face when she did. It filled her with a rush of something long forgotten. A sense of peace and elation she hadn’t tasted in years. “Um these are my friends, Ruby Lucas and Mary Margaret Blanchard. Ruby’s the head nurse in the cardiac unit. And Mary Margaret runs OT for the surgical division.”

Emma tore her gaze from Killian, watching her friends make their greetings. Ruby handled her own completely, and Mary Margaret seemed to have gathered her courage, but now it was David who looked shocked and spell bound. Everyone appeared to be thrown off kilter, and it was only Ruby in control of herself. To say her friend was positively delighted with these new developments would be an understatement. That glee rang out clear as day in her invite to both the attending doctors.

“So… Doctor Nolan, Doctor Jones, any way we could convince you to join us? The coffee’s just all right, but the company’s not half bad.”

Both men agreed immediately, and Emma fought her hardest not to blush. It was hard though, and her pulse was racing in the face of this development. Killian came to stand by her, the space between them so small but still too much to bear. She tried to get her bearings as the cranky barista handed her a latte. She struggled to think of something – anything – to say, but she was tongue tied. Instead, she looked at Killian, finding an openness in his expression that said he felt the same exact way. That gave her comfort and removed some of the tension from the moment.

“The hospital’s been buzzing since you got here,” Emma offered, waiting with him while he ordered a no nonsense coffee of his own. “A lot of people are hoping you’ll stay on past the month.”

“And you, love? Have you such hopes?” his words were earnest but laced with an almost cocky easiness that sent Emma’s mind humming in delight. Still, she played it cool. At least she hoped she did.

“Jury’s still out,” she replied, smiling when he looked a little crestfallen. “Well can you blame me? I hardly even know you. Still haven’t seen what you’re capable of.”

“Only a matter of time, Swan. You can trust in that.”

His words may seem benign, but they were loaded with hidden meaning, and Emma knew he meant each one. She swallowed harshly, thinking of the things he might be capable of. Damn, was it hot in here? Or was it just the devil on her shoulder spinning another one of those dirty dreams of hers?

When they’d all gotten a coffee, the five of them moved off to the patio just outside, reserved for hospital staff. The grounds were manicured beautifully, maintaining an oasis that seemed totally disconnected from the hectic nature of the hospital. This was one of Emma’s favorite places here, and she was surprised to hear that neither David nor Killian had been here yet. They all spent a few minutes making non-threatening small talk, with mostly Ruby moving the conversations along. But despite the fluttering feeling she was grappling with, Emma couldn’t say she hated this building anticipation. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had enjoyed herself so much. She was seated next to Killian, fully aware that all of his attention was devoted to her, and she reveled in it. At one point, while the others were talking about something with the OT department, Killian whispered to her and her alone.

“This might be presumptuous of me, love, but I find I’m helpless to resist. I was wondering – that is, I was hoping that perhaps, you and I, we could…” His eyes looked from hers down to her lips, and Emma wet them absentmindedly. She heard a low growl, and realized it was coming from him. She shifted in her seat, turned on in a way she had never been before. Instinctively she moved closer, sensing the sinfully sweet current between them, like lightning just before it cracked across the summer sky.

“We could…” she continued, hoping he would elaborate and put into words what she herself was wishing for.

“That we could -,”

“Paging all staff to the ER. All staff to the ER for an incoming trauma, category 4.”

This time the PA was most definitely broadcasting a hospital wide announcement, and the irony wasn’t lost on Emma. Ruby looked positively forlorn at the interruption, but it was somewhat poetic after how they’d gotten here.

“Category four,” David repeated, standing immediately, prompting all of them to do the same. “We haven’t had a four since I started. We’re gonna need all hands on deck. Killian?”

“Aye, mate. I’m with you.” He looked back to Emma, and only had time for the swiftest goodbye. “Until next time, love.”

Emma and her friends watched them go, running towards the ER. Belatedly, they realized that if a trauma of that magnitude was coming into the hospital, there were bound to be surgical cases flooding their ward soon enough. They hustled back to their wing, focused once more on their jobs and the lives on the line that they were sworn to help heal and make better. But Emma still carried that moment with her for the rest of the day, and when the shift was over and done, and she’d done all she could to help the people in her care, she was left wondering what exactly Doctor Jones was hoping to ask, and when, oh when, he may try to do so again.

Post-Note: So there we have it. This was originally going to be a oneshot for my CS mixtape series, but alas, the muse wants what she wants, and this time that’s a three part mini-story for all of us to share. Hope that you guys have enjoyed so far and I would love to hear what you think! As always, thanks so much for reading, and I hope you are all staying well in this crazy time! xE

[iamtrebleclefstories]

best thing that’s ever been mine

DAY 2: SPEAK NOW - MINE 

(is this fic two days late? yes. and what about it?)

Do you remember, we were sittin', there by the water?

You put your arm around me for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

hi everyone! I’ve been working on this fic for months and it has a very special place in my heart. it is a complete AU and I hope you enjoy it!!

Shoutout to @doc-pickles for being my sounding board for this fic (and many others). This ones for you!

@thejolexgroupchat

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables

Left a small town, never looked back

I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin'

Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

+ + +

She walked into the diner soaked to the bone from the downpour that seemed to come out of nowhere. Shivering, Jo made her way over to her typical booth near the windows (and the space heater) and attempted to warm up. She'd been staring out the window at the busy street when she noticed a young man standing in front of her.

"You're new around here," Jo's eyebrows raised. She observed the man for a second, taking in his appearance. He had brown hair and brown eyes that seemed to be rimmed in green. He was handsome and that crooked half-smile on his face signaled to her that he knew it. "Marion and Hector hired someone new? They hardly ever do that."

The man let out an awkward chuckle, "I just moved here from a small town in lowa for school. Trying to pay my way through medical school. Guess they must've liked me."

"I guess so," Jo nodded. "Sorry, I'm here all the time so I know pretty much everyone that works here. I was surprised to see someone new."

"Well, I’m Alex," his smile grew slightly. "Since you're a regular, I guess you already know what you're having. So what can I get you?"

"Surprise me," Jo's eyes shined expectantly.

The waiter - Alex - let out a laugh, "Give me a few minutes."

About fifteen minutes later, Alex came back with a plate and drink. He placed it in front of Jo, "Here you go. A bacon double cheeseburger, no pickles, no onions, extra cheese with a large side of seasoned fries and a medium coke. You're tiny, but I have the feeling that you can eat. And as much as you may try to eat healthy, you're not a salad girl and would prefer to work out than eat grass. Am I right?"

Jo raised her eyebrows in amusement, "Surprisingly, yes. Except for the drink. I would've ordered a large coke and gotten up to pee three times because I’ve got a bladder the size of a walnut."

"I will remember that for next time," Alex smirked. "So, regular… you got a name?"

"Jo Wilson."

"Nice. I like chicks with boy's names."

+ + +

I say, "Can you believe it?"

As we're lyin' on the couch

The moment, I can see it

Yes, yes, I can see it now

+ + +

The last thing Jo would've expected was that she'd become friends with Alex, the cute waiter from Marion and Hector's diner. But after many conversations shared in the diner during all hours of the day and upon discovering that they would both be attending Harvard Medical School in the fall, Jo and Alex bonded rather quickly. It helped that they each had plenty of shared life experience as a result of growing up in the system.

Jo had never really met anyone with her kind of background that was also looking towards a future in medicine. It was encouraging and validating knowing that she wouldn’t be alone in her struggle. Once the school year began and things got real, Jo and Alex found themselves spending increasing amounts of time together, studying and stressing over the copious amounts of material they'd need to memorize and understand.

"This sucks," Alex huffed in annoyance, tossing his notecards onto the coffee table. "I hate pharmacology."

"I know, me too. But we need to learn this if we want to make sure we don't prescribe the wrong medication to a patient," Jo took a seat on the couch beside him and handed Alex the bowl of popcorn in her hands. "Can you believe our first year is almost over?"

Alex stuffed his face with some popcorn, “It feels like just yesterday I met you at the diner.”

“I know,” Jo chuckled. "I'm happy we're friends."

"Me too," Alex smiled, content to just sit near Jo.

Both of them wanted more, but neither one of them was quite ready to admit that yet. There had been something brewing between the two of them since their first meeting.

"When we're hotshot doctors one day, we'll still be in each other’s lives, right?" Jo asked quietly.

"Of course we are," Alex grinned. "We can apply to the same hospitals and in the same cities for residency and fellowship. And even after, when we are badass attendings, we can open a practice together. I won't leave your side unless you ask me to. You're stuck with me, Wilson."

+ + +

Do you remember, we were sittin', there by the water?

You put your arm around me for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

+ + +

"Come on, we're gonna miss it!" Jo shouted as she neared the dock. Her silhouette was illuminated by the moonlight as she deposited the blanket onto the ground and Iied down to stare at the night sky. "This should be the perfect spot to watch the meteor shower. It's far away enough from the city to see the sky but close enough that an ambulance can get to us quickly enough if anything were to happen."

"I'm coming," Alex grumbled as he carried the cooler over to where Jo was lying on the ground. "Jeez, what did you put in this thing?"

"Just the essentials," Jo reached over and opened the cooler, pulling out a beer and revealing the contents of the cooler.

"Are those stolen medical supplies?" Alex looked inside.

"Maybe?" Jo shrugged and opened the bottle. "We're gonna be out here all night so I wanted to be prepared."

"You're insane," Alex chuckled and opened his own drink.

"It's part of my charm," Jo winked at him and lifted her drink. "Look, I know all of this might seem pretty crazy, but I just wanted to do something special. This has probably been the best summer of my life.” She grew quiet for a moment. “I’ve never had a friend like you. A person. My person. Most summers I was struggling to make ends meet or find somewhere to live while everyone else went home and visited their families and went on these lavish vacations. I never really had anybody and now I have you. It’s nice. Having someone… Anyway, I just want to say thank you. For making last year and this summer a little less lonely. That’s why we’re here tonight, waiting for a meteor shower on our last Friday off before second year starts. So, cheers to a great year.”

“To a great year,” Alex lifted his beer and clinked it against hers. He stared at her for a moment, silently taking in the words she’d said. He knew expressing her feelings was no easy feat. Jo had always had a complicated relationship with feelings—both of them had. But she’d made an effort to express her emotions and that was more than enough to blow his mind. Alex was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Jo’s voice again.

“Look! It’s starting,” Jo gasped and pointed up and the night sky.

Maybe it was the meteor shower. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the speech. Maybe it was Jo’s bright smile. But Alex couldn’t help himself this time. He reached out for Jo’s hand and pulled her close to his body, wrapping his arm around her. Jo looked up at him with shining eyes and relaxed, resting her head on his chest.

They laid like that for what seemed like hours, observing the night sky and reveling in the warm summer air. After some time, Jo lifted her head to look Alex in the eye. She opened her mouth to speak but only a squeak came out, causing Alex to laugh.

“Sorry—I… I didn’t mean to laugh,” Alex cleared his throat as Jo looked at him unamused. “What did you want to say?”

“Nothing. It was stupid,” Jo shook her head.

“No it’s okay, just say it,” Alex rubbed his hand on her back comfortingly. He watched as Jo shook her head again, attempting to hide her face from his view. “Hey, look at me. Jo it’s me. You can say anything.”

“I can’t say this thing,” Jo bit her lip nervously.

Alex sighed, “Okay. How about I say it? Because I'm pretty sure I know what you’re thinking right now.”

“I highly doubt that but be my guest,” Jo scoffed.

And with his arms holding her tightly he finally said the words, “I love you.”

+ + +

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together

And there's a drawer of my things at your place

You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded

You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

+ + +

“Have you seen my light blue sneakers?” Jo shouted from the other side of the apartment. “I can’t remember if I left them here or not last time I spent the night.”

“I haven’t seen them. Maybe you left them in your car?” Alex walked over to Jo and gave her a kiss of the cheek. “You look hot in scrubs.”

“So do you, Mr. third year med student,” Jo allowed her eyes to run up and down Alex’s frame. “Today’s our first day of clerkships and I’m going to have to keep my eyes glued to you as soon as we get to the hospital because I don’t need any cute nurses trying to steal you away.”

“You act as if you have competition,” Alex leaned forward to steal a kiss. “I don’t want anyone else, especially after last night.”

“There’s so much more where that came from,” Jo wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I know we’ve been together for a year but I still can’t get enough of you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Alex chuckled. “You know I got you something. Call it an anniversary present. I was gonna show it to you last night, but we were a bit busy… celebrating.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Jo cupped his cheek on her hand. “I just need you.”

“Hey, a one year anniversary is a big deal. Besides, this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now,” Alex’s face relaxed and loving. “Come on, it’s in the bedroom.”

They walked into the bedroom and Alex stood in front of the closed closet doors, prompting Jo’s forehead to wrinkle in confusion. Alex cleared his throat, “Okay. What you see here might freak you out a bit, but it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. So, I’m just gonna show you.”

Alex opened the closet doors to reveal that it was half empty. The left side was free of clothing except for one shirt hanging up that Jo recognized as one that she thought she’d misplaced a few weeks ago.

Jo looked at Alex in question, “You found my shirt and cleaned out your closet? That’s the surprise? What happened to your other clothes?”

“No that’s not—you’re not understanding,” Alex let out a chuckle. “It’s okay, though. You’re new to all this. So am I, if I’m being honest.”

“Alex, you aren’t making any sense.”

“I'm making space for you,” Alex stated. “I’m making space for you in my home, in my life. I got rid of a bunch of crap that I don’t need or never used and I made space. Because I don’t want you to just have a drawer full of random things at my place. I want this to be our place. So I guess what I’m asking is, move in with me. Please. I wanna go to sleep next to you and wake up next to you every day. I love you, Jo. I want to do everything with you.”

Jo stood in front of Alex, stunned. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about what it would be like to live with Alex. All her life, she’d just found a place to live. She never had a home. As long as there was a roof over her head and a somewhat comfortable space to sleep in, she would make due. It was all she needed. After Alex, she found the home she’d been searching for all along.

“Jo?”

“Yes,” Jo breathed without hesitation. A couple tears collected in her eyes. “Yes.”

Alex’s face broke out into a huge grin, “Really? You’ll move in?”

“Yeah,” Jo laughed happily. “I’d love to live with you.”

“Okay,” Alex nodded his head and motioned to the room. “I’ve still got to move some stuff around but we can have it done by the end of this week.”

“I don’t have much. I don’t need a lot of space,” Jo shrugged.

“I’m gonna change that,” Alex took both his hands in her own. “No more having only the bare minimum necessary to survive. And I mean that for both of us. I wanna build a life with you.”

“I love you,” Jo leaned up to kiss him briefly. “So much.”

“Me too,” Alex’s face was content. “As much as I’d like to just stand here with you, we’ve got to go or we’ll be late.”

“Let’s go,” Jo smiled. “I can’t wait to rub it into all the girls’ faces that I’m moving in with my super hot boyfriend and they should be jealous.”

+ + +

And we got bills to pay

We got nothin' figured out

When it was hard to take

Yes, yes

This is what I thought about

+ + +

“Dammit Alex, why can you just listen to me for once?” Jo yelled across the kitchen counter. “If you would’ve listened to me in the first place none of this would be happening.”

“Will you just stop it already?” Alex shouted back angrily. “Just shut up! I’m sick and tired of hearing you go on and on about the same damn thing. Yes, I know I let the ball drop on this one. You don’t have to bring it up every two seconds! Stop talking!”

Jo grew quiet at the tone of his voice. She swallowed back a response and took a cautious step back. She looked almost afraid to push him further.

Alex noticed her behavior and immediately felt regret over his words, “Jo. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’m just… I’m frustrated.”

“Mmhm,” Jo pursed her lips, but didn’t move from her stop.

Alex took a step forward to close the distance only to have Jo take another step back. That’s when it hit him. Paul. He just yelled at her like Paul used to.

Alex learned about Paul Stadler’s existence not too long after Jo moved in with him. They’d gotten home from a day in the ER where a young woman came in with domestic violence injuries. Jo had been incredibly affected by the woman’s case and Alex couldn’t figure out why. That night on the couch, Jo opened up about quite possibly the most difficult experience of her life. She talked about her ex.

Paul Stadler was an old boyfriend of Jo’s who spent the first few years of their friendship grooming her to be his victim. He was a professor during her undergrad years at Princeton and especially liked to prey on isolated, young women with emotional trauma. He fixated his attention on Jo and reeled her in, making her the subject of his abuse for the last seven months of her senior year at Princeton. As soon as graduation was over, Jo—formally known as Brooke Howard—ran away, changed her name, and fled to a small town outside of Boston where she hid for a few weeks before deeming it safe to find a place in the city. It was in that year that she remade herself and applied to various medical schools under her new name before finally getting into Harvard against all odds.

Alex hadn’t always known about her history. It was something she shared with him when he found the paperwork from her name change in the process of moving her into his—now their—apartment. That’s when she sat down and told him all the missing pieces of her story. She told him about how Paul would beat her and scream at her when she failed to meet his expectations. She told him about her pregnancy and the abortion she had after Paul confiscated her birth control and coerced her into his bed. She told him about how she had been terrified but hopeful that a baby would change things for the better, only to have those expectations ripped violently away once Paul threw her against the wall for showing up at his office uninvited.

“Jo. Baby, look at me. I’m sorry. I’m not going to hurt you. I swear,” Alex looked at Jo and waited for her eyes to meet his. He reached his hand out as an invitation for her to hold it. “I love you. I’m sorry I yelled like that. I didn’t mean to frighten you or trigger you in any way.”

Jo's visibly relaxed and took Alex’s hand in her own, “I know. I’m sorry I… reacted like that, too. It’s just… I finally have something that I’m scared to lose.”

“No, you’re right,” Alex shook his head. “I told you I was going to handle this month’s rent while you figured things out with your job at the library and I didn’t do it. I left it till the last minute and I’m short $200. That's not your fault. You warned me multiple times to set aside the money for rent before paying everything else and buying those basketball tickets. I’m gonna figure it out. Don’t worry.”

Alex left the apartment in a rush, leaving Jo standing in the entryway confused. Alex was halfway to his destination when he realized that he probably should have explained to Jo what his thought process was. He had half a mind to turn back around, but then again he wasn’t all that keen on admitting what he was on his way to do. It was a major hit to his pride to even walk to the one person he knew could help them. But it wasn’t about him or his pride. It was about his life with Jo and about fixing this.

Alex knocked on the door and waited for the person inside to respond.

“Hey man, come on in.”

“Thanks,” Alex walked inside and looked around.

He had been to Jackson Avery’s apartment before. Jackson was actually one of Alex’s best friends since he started medical school. They got paired together for anatomy lab the first week of classes and had been inseparable ever since. To top it all off, Jackson was an Avery. He was from one of the most prestigious families in medicine and was sitting on a lump sum of cash. In the three years that they had been friends, Jackson had always made it clear that if Alex ever needed anything at all, to not hesitate to ask.

“What’s up?” Jackson asked as he handed Alex a beer and sat across from him on the couch.

“You know I wouldn’t do this if I weren’t desperate. I hate asking for favors and you’re my friend so don’t feel obligated to say yes, but I need help,” Alex started.

“Whatever you need, man. You know that,” Jackson leaned forward to wait for Alex to make his request.

“I messed up this month with the rent. Jo’s hours at the library got switched and they don’t work with our clerkship schedules, so I had to take over all the bills this time around. I told her not to worry, that I’d handle it, but I’m $200 short,” Alex put his head in his hands. “Do you think you could lend me the money? I swear I’ll pay you back as soon as my next paycheck from the diner comes in.”

“Whoa, Karev. Slow down,” Jackson reached into his wallet and pulled out two crisp hundred dollar bills. “Here. It’s no big deal. And I’m not lending you $200. I’m giving it to you.”

“I can’t… I can’t accept that,” Alex shook his head. “I don’t like owing people.”

“You won’t be owing me anything,” Jackson held the money out. “We’re friends, Alex. You’ve got my back, I’ve got yours. You and Jo helped me when I was struggling in that class last year. You took time out of your own studying and time that the two of you could’ve been spending together to help me. You’re the reason I passed. Take the cash. Just think of it as a favor.”

“Thank you,” Alex sighed and took the money in his hands. “I just… I feel so pathetic. What guy can’t provide for his girlfriend for one month while she’s struggling to figure things out financially? Thank God we each got a full ride in college so we don’t have to worry about student loans until we graduate med school. I just feel useless.”

“You’re anything but useless,” Jackson took a swig of his beer. “You underestimated how much money you’d need to save. So what? It’s okay. It happens. Even to me. You learned from it and now you can move on. You’re gonna pay the rent on time and everything's gonna be fine. Don’t let this become a thing. Don’t let it come between you and Jo.”

“I just feel like I’m letting her down,” Alex admitted quietly.

“Jo didn’t grow up with much. Yeah, stuff is nice, but I know at the end of the day all she really wants or needs is you,” Jackson smiled. “Besides, even if you somehow got so behind that they evicted you, I’ve got a guest bedroom that I’d be happy to let you and Jo stay in for however long you needed to. Maybe I'll finally get a chance to steal her flashcards that she refuses to share.”

Alex smirked, “Good luck with that. She won’t even let me see them.”

“Eh it’s worth a shot,” Jackson chuckled. “Okay, finish your beer and then go pay your bills.”

+ + +

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?

You saw me start to believe, for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

+ + +

“Come on, follow me. I wanna show you something,” Alex smiled as he led Jo up the dock.

“Where are we going?” Jo asked for what seemed to be the hundredth time. “We start our first day of internship tomorrow. I don’t want to be late.”

“We won’t be late,” Alex continued pulling her in the direction he was headed to. “I want to do something special before we get busy and don’t have time to be us.”

Jo’s eyes softened, “Okay. Lead the way.”

Alex grinned as they neared a ferry boat, “I got us tickets for a ferry boat tour of the city. I thought it would be a nice way of celebrating that tomorrow we finally become the doctors we always dreamed we’d be as kids. It’s been hard getting here, but we made it. We made it, Jo and I know that I can make it through this year and the rest of my life as long as I’ve got you by my side.”

Jo looked at Alex with love in her eyes, “You’re incredible.”

“That’s all you, princess,” Alex put his arm around her shoulder as they boarded the ferry and took a seat.

The majority of the ride was done in silence. They marveled at the city lights bouncing off the water as the sky grew dimmer as the night went on. Jo snuggled up against Alex, thinking about how the time had flown by. She first met Alex about four years ago in a diner and now here she was in Seattle sitting next to the love of her life on a ferry the night before their first day of internship. It was a surreal moment and yet, Jo found herself actually believing that she had found a love that would last for the first time in her life.

“I love you,” Jo snuggled into Alex’s side.

“I love you more.”

“I can’t believe this is real,” Jo said later that night as they were climbing into bed. “I keep expecting someone to pinch me and wake me up from this dream I’m having.”

“It’s real,” Alex pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I hope we get assigned the same resident. I want to be near you so that none of the female doctors or nurses trying anything stupid,” Jo snuggled in close to Alex.

“Is this jealousy I hear?” Alex’s face turned up into a smirk.

“Pfft, me, jealous?” Jo scoffed. “Please. I’m not jealous. I'm just… protective over what’s mine.”

“Oh so I’m yours now?” Alex grinned, amused.

“Yup,” Jo leaned up to kiss him deeply, allowing her hands to travel down his chest and stomach to the waistband of his boxers. “You are all mine.”

Alex groaned, “I’m fine with that.”

+ + +

And I remember that fight, two-thirty am

'Cause everything was slipping right out of our hands

I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye,

'Cause that's all I've ever known

Then, you took me by surprise

You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

+ + +

Their intern year went by rather quickly, considering all of the insanity they’d lived through. From train crashes, bombs in the hospital, cutting L-VAD wires, proms, Meredith almost drowning, ferry boat crashes, and various break ups and make ups, it was safe to say that Alex and Jo had the most interesting intern class ever. When Jo thought back to everything they had lived through in the past year, she found herself increasingly grateful that she had someone that she could come home to every night. Being a doctor had reminded her just how short life could be and that things could change at any moment.

Their second year of residency was getting off to a similarly interesting start with the arrival of a new class of interns that would be under their supervision. Jo found herself increasingly frustrated with the young doctors under her care. She was so consumed by her work that Jo realized that it had been weeks since she and Alex spent time together that wasn’t as they got ready for bed at night. Even those moments were few and far between.

Alex had been spending a lot of his free time with the people in their class, specifically, Meredith and Izzie. Jo didn’t have a problem with them. On the contrary, Jo loved both women dearly. Meredith was a loyal friend that mirrored Jo in many ways, and Izzie was an unexpected, bubbly best friend that reminded Jo of her only friend in college more and more every day. She didn’t have a problem with either of those women. Not at all. She wasn’t the jealous type either. She trusted Alex implicitly. She never had a reason to suspect that he would do something behind her back. That was, until he started to make excuses and lie to her about his whereabouts.      

Maybe she should’ve been a bit more understanding. After all, Meredith and Izzie had both been through a lot last year. Jo had spent countless hours by their sides comforting and supporting them. But in the process of trying to be a good friend, she felt like she was losing her boyfriend.

The last straw was when Alex left her alone at the hospital after having driven there together that morning. It had been a long day and Jo was looking forward to getting home, taking a shower, and lazing around on the couch with Alex. After she’d finished changing out of her scrubs, she walked down to the bench out by the parking lot where she and Alex normally waited for each other. Jo waited for about twenty minutes when she finally walked back inside to the nurse’s station to find him.

“Hey, could you page Dr. Karev for me? I’ve been waiting for him to leave but he hasn’t come down yet. Is he still in surgery?” Jo asked nurse Vicky.

“I saw Dr. Karev leave over an hour ago?” Vicky replied.

“What? Are you sure? We came in one car today,” Jo’s brow furrowed.

“Yeah. I saw him walk out with Grey and Stevens. It seemed like they were in a rush to get somewhere,” Vicky nodded. “Is there someone you want me to call for you?”

“No, it’s fine,” Jo shook her head. “I’ll figure something out.”

Jo ended up getting a ride back to the loft she and Alex shared from one of her interns, of all people. She thanked him bashfully as she got out of the car and walked up the steps, seeing Alex’s car in front of the building. Jo took a deep breath as she reached the door. On the way there, she’d thought long and hard about how this conversation was going to go. How could she talk about ending this? Alex was her best friend, the love of her life. He was the person who said he’d always be there for her. And yet, here she was outside their home because he left her without a word.

Finally mustering up enough courage, Jo slid the door open and stepped inside.

“I need to talk to you,” Jo put her things down in front of the bed.

“I need to talk to you,” Alex walked towards her with a glass of champagne in his hands.

“No, no, no. Listen…” Jo paused as she got choked up. “This isn’t working. I need someone in my corner, and the more I look at it, the only person I have is me.”

“Jo—”

“And I don’t want to make you choose between me and your friends, our friends. But I can’t keep feeling like everyone’s second choice. Especially not yours. Not when I love you with everything I have. Not when I put you before everything,” Jo’s eyes watered. “But right now, all I can see is how you choose everyone else over me. I mean, you left me at the hospital today. We came in one car and you didn’t even let me know that you were leaving. I sat there waiting for you like an idiot for a long time, but you never showed. And you didn’t even have the decency to let me know that you left. I had to find out from Vicky when I went to ask her to page you. I found out that instead of waiting for me, you left with Mer and Izzie. So… I’m going to go stay with Cristina for a while.”

“Jo, stop!” Alex put down the glasses as Jo made her way to the drawer to collect her things.

She turned around to see Alex on one knee with a ring in his hand, “Oh my God. Alex.”

“Yeah?” his lips twitched in a little smile.

“What are you doing?” Jo looked at him with wide eyes.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Alex took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I left you, but I’ve been planning this night for weeks and was so caught up in trying to get everything perfect that I forgot we drove together today.” He took her hand in one of his. “Mer has been holding onto this thing for months now so that you wouldn’t see it in my underwear drawer and Izzie helped me make dinner since I don’t really know how to cook. I’m not replacing you with them or putting them first. I swear. I just couldn’t have you figure out what I was doing.” He paused and looked up at her. “I had a whole speech planned out, but I honestly don’t remember most of it right now.”

Jo let out a little laugh, “It’s okay.”

“But here’s the gist of it; I love you and I want to love you for the rest of my life,” Alex felt his eyes fill with tears. “I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find you and now that I have, I never want to be without you. I don’t know how some stranger in a diner could end up becoming my best friend, but I’m grateful that it happened because you changed my life. Jo, I love you and I love our life together, but I don’t want this to be it. I want so much more with you. So I guess what I’m asking is, will you do me the honor of becoming my life?”

“Yes,” Jo beamed brightly.

“Yes?” Alex’s jaw dropped.

“Of course it’s a yes,” Jo laughed. “Don’t look so surprised.”

“I’m just—I can’t believe you’re going to be my wife,” Alex’s grin grew. He took the ring from the box and slipped it on her finger. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

+ + +

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water

And every time I look at you, it's like the first time

I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter

She is the best thing that's ever been mine"

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

+ + +

When talking about their wedding, Jo and Alex both agreed that they wanted it near the water at sunset. They had first gotten together on a secluded dock in Boston so it was only fitting that they get married near something meaningful. One day while talking about locations at Meredith’s, Shepherd suggested they try renting a ferry boat and the pair knew immediately that it was right for them.

The day couldn’t have been more perfect. The sun was setting on the water, casting pink and purple hues to paint the sky. The colors reflected beautifully against the water and gave everything a soft glow. Their guests were sitting comfortably on the deck of the boat awaiting the start of the ceremony.

Alex stood in front of the crowd of guests with Jackson and Meredith at his side, smiling brightly at their friend’s nervous fidgeting.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet now,” Meredith leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Because it’s kind of two late for that. It would look really bad if I had to run out of here to start up the getaway car.”

“Shut up,” Alex chuckled. “I’m not having cold feet. I’m just… I can’t believe it. I’m getting married and I don’t know… Jo is going to look beautiful when she walks out here in her dress and I guess, I want to make sure I look nice for her.”

“Wow, you really are whipped, man,” Jackson teased. “It’s okay, though. I’ll give you a free pass since it’s your wedding day and all.”

“Whatever, Avery. You just wait until you find someone who-”

Alex was cut off by Bailey’s nudge, “Hush Karev. It’s about to start.”

Alex closed his mouth and nodded as Bailey smoothed out her dress for the hundredth time. He was grateful she’d said yes to officiating his and Jo’s wedding. Bailey had become one of the most important and influential people in their lives and she was honored when they asked her if she would marry them.

The music began and Izzie and Cristina made their way down the aisle as Lexie tossed yellow flower petals in the air from her spot off to the side. Jo took a couple deep breaths and she waited around the corner, making sure to steady herself before going out there.

“You ready Wilson?” Dr. Webber stood beside her with a soft smile on his face.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life,” Jo’s face brightened in excitement. “And after today, it won’t be Wilson anymore.”

“Really now?” Webber’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I wouldn't have thought you’d change it.”

“I never had a family name growing up. Wilson is something I made up along the way. Karev means something, though. It belongs to Alex, but now it’s mine, and it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“I’m happy for you,” Webber smiled. He held his arm out for her to hold on to. “I think it’s our turn.”

The moment was surreal. It was like in those movies when all time stops as the bride and groom get their first looks at each other and everything else fades away. But there’s no better way to describe the feeling of all your love for a person seeming to pour out of your chest. It was overwhelming, tear-inducing, and so incredibly wonderful.

So much of the following minutes were a blur until Bailey signaled that it was time to recite their vows, “Both Alex and Jo have prepared their own vows that they wish to share in front of us today. Alex, you will go first.”

“Huh?” Alex—who had been too busy admiring the woman in front of him—cleared his throat. “Oh, sorry. I got distracted.”

Their guests laughed at his honesty. He took a deep breath and began, “Jo. For the past six years, you have been my rock, my constant, my best friend. Every moment spent with you has been better than I could’ve ever hoped for. I knew from the minute you sat down at my table at the diner in Boston that you would be in my life forever. Maybe it was your smile or your laugh or something entirely out of my control, but that day I changed for the better, and it’s because of you. Now, we were idiots and didn’t say anything for over a year, but I’m happy that we didn’t. It gave me a chance to grow in love with you.”

“I still remember how I felt that day when we were sitting there by the water. I looked at you and I knew that you were it for me. I knew that I would love you for the rest of my life. And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time. So today, I stand here in front of our friends, our family, and promise to love you every day like it’s the last. I promise to be your anchor, your friend, anything you need me to be. All that I am and all that I ever will be is yours. I know it’s cheesy and I'm gonna get a lot of heat from our friends for saying it, but you hold my heart in your hands. I want to be with you, for better or worse, in sickness and in health… You made me a better man. You make me a better man every single day.  So, I vow to be that man for you until death do us part.”

Alex’s declaration had everyone’s eyes misting. It wasn’t often that they heard him speak so openly, so it was impacting when they witnessed the love he had for Jo.

Meanwhile, Jo was wiping away a couple tears that had escaped and struggling to compose herself. She let out a soft laugh, “Gosh, how do you follow that?” Their guests chuckled in response.

“Okay, here goes nothing,” Jo exhaled. “Alex. I love you. When I was a little girl I never dreamed that I’d be able to say that to someone so freely, much less have someone say it back. You entered my life in the most unexpected way, but I can’t imagine it without you. I never expected that the guy I met the summer before medical school would end up becoming my husband, but here we are, six years later, more in love than I ever thought possible.”

“When I think about our life together, I think of all the things we’ve had to overcome and the work it took to get here. I am by no means a perfect person, so today I vow to honor the journey that brought us here. I vow to love you even when I might not like you. I vow to be your partner. I vow to fight for us come hell or high water. I vow to be faithful, patient and supportive for the rest of my life. Because I used to have nothing, and then I met you. You gave me a place to belong, a family, love, and you remind me that I’m worthy of it every single day. Alex Karev, you are my soulmate, my heart, my home, and my very best friend. But most of all, you are the best thing that’s ever been mine, and I cannot wait to be your wife.”

“Can we have the rings?” Bailey asked, Meredith handing them to her. “Today, we use these rings to symbolize the unbreakable unity in this relationship and the never-ending love and commitment they have for each other.”

Bailey placed Jo’s ring in Alex’s hand and spoke, “Alex Karev. Do you take Jo Wilson to be your wife.”

“I do,” Alex smiled and slid the wedding band on Jo’s finger.

“And do you, Jo Wilson, take Alex Karev to be your husband?” Bailey repeated the motion and gave Jo, Alex’s ring.

“I super do,” Jo beamed and slid the ring on Alex’s finger.

“Well. Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

And for the first time, Jo and Alex knew without a shadow of a doubt that they’d make it.

+ + +

Do you believe it?

We're gonna make it now

Yes, yes, I can see it now