#the timestamp is 31:36 if you even care …..

[soullessjack]

another silly thing about rewatching the jackisodes (jepisodes?) is noticing how much he changes between that really gravelly deadpan tone and the lighter chipper one

[the-conversation-pod]

The ITSAY Anniversary Show, Part 1

AND WE'RE BACK!

October marks the third anniversary of the show that rewired the BL industry, and it felt like the right time for a retrospective. In part 1 Ben leads a panel talk on I Told Sunset About You. Just us along with @liyazaki, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist, and @so-much-yet-to-learn

Join us as we talk about our history with the genre, Phuket as a setting, the complexities of the characters, and why this show remains so important.

Listen on Apple Podcasts!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Intro 4:16 - How did you come to ITSAY? 11:31 - Phuket as a Setting 19:00 - Style and Genre 29:40 - Characters 36:18 - Teh and Oh's Dynamic 50:07 - Why do you care so much about ITSAY? 1:04:08 - Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

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0:00 - Intro

Ben

BWOOOOOOOOM. Okay. It Worked. You're already in it. 

Nini

[laughs] That's staying in.

Ben

Welcome back to The Conversation, everyone, for our fall season. We're very excited about this season. We decided to take advantage of the reduced output of shows, at least for part of summer, and decided to do a retrospective on I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon. We also have made a lot of friends in our time on Tumblr and decided to hang out with some of them, and talk about the show so it wouldn't just be me and Nini blabbing about one of our favorite projects.

Nini

Our panel of I Told Sunset About You experts includes the lovely, the only Turtles a.k.a @waitmyturtles on Tumblr. We have Aiden @so-much-yet-to-learn on Tumblr. We have Captain Hands who is @wen-kexing-apologist on Tumblr. And the fabulous friend of the pod, our good friend mor @liyazaki on Tumblr. 

So that is our esteemed panel for I Told Sunset About You in this episode. That's who you're gonna hear. In the next episode we're gonna talk I Promised You the Moon and have a different set of people on. 

So, Ben, aside from the fact that it's the anniversary of I Told Sunset About You—the third anniversary—why did you feel like this was the right time?

Ben

I think this has probably been one of the most thematically interesting years that the genre has had, and I've said many times that I don't think we'd be able to get the kinds of quality productions we're getting out of the genre now without the success of I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon, and I feel like for us to move forward with this particular show I think we had to at least get that show out of our system and into the recording. It had been bothering both of us that we hadn't really sat down and talked about it even though we dropped constantly that we are fans. I think it was really useful to talk about it. 

I really liked that we actually split up for it because you and I talked to each other a lot on this show, and it was really fun to talk to some other people about the show first and get some other perspectives.

Nini

We always say that one of the whole points of The Conversation is to expand the conversation outward, so we had a really good time doing these panels. We think you're gonna enjoy them. So, let's just dive right in.

4:16 - How did you come to ITSAY?

Ben

We're gonna get right into it, Our first question of the night. We're gonna start with Mor: longtime friend of the podcast. Mor?

Mor

Yes, hi Ben! 

Ben

How did you come to ITSAY?

Mor

[laughs] Well I came to ITSAY actually as a relatively new BL watcher — I had very begrudgingly watched 2gether and a handful of other very typical GMMTV type shows. And I had heard that there were some higher budget higher brow BLs out there, but I'm not ashamed to admit that what initially drew me to the genre in the first place is the… kind of fluffy romance trope-driven narratives? And it was just the first time that I had encountered any kind of queer media that was so lighthearted, and typically took place in a world where homophobia basically doesn't exist, and especially as a slightly older queer, that was such a nice change of pace compared to the other queer media that I'd been consuming up until that point. So frankly, the idea of watching a more serious BL back then made me a little nervous, even though that's a lot of what I typically watch when it comes to Western media. So I put off watching ITSAY for a while until I eventually decided to just jump into it and the rest is history. 

ITSAY isn't just my favorite show in the genre, it's one of my favorite shows and pieces of media period. I Promised You the Moon is too, but that's a hot take I'll expound on next time.

Ben

Thank you. Aiden, what about you, you've been around BL for a bit. How did you come to ITSAY?

Aiden

I've been in the BL slash QL sphere since the beginning, largely as a lurker. I didn't watch ITSAY when it aired, due to not being in the right headspace at the time to tackle a show with that much emotional impact. It was obviously very much in the zeitgeist, constantly in my feed, impossible to miss. So many other shows since then have been compared to it and I always planned to watch it someday in the nebulous future, but with so many things constantly airing I’d never quite gotten around to it. 

So when word went out that Ben and Nini were looking for people who hadn't watched it yet to get a mix of perspectives, I figured there probably weren't many others who'd been around as long as I had and somehow hadn't watched it yet. I re-evaluated whether or not I was ready to watch it and turns out I was! So, better late than never.

Ben

I am so glad we finally convinced you to watch the show. I wasn't gonna push you but I'm like ‘oh my god Aiden’s finally watching.’

Aiden

I'm glad as well. It was definitely an excellent thing to watch.

Ben

Okay, Captain Hands! [laughs] What about you?

Captain Hands

So I got into BL like a year-ish ago, and of course being a queer person who had not seen a lot of queer media the worms got in my brain instantly! There's like a master post of queer Asian shows that is somewhere on Tumblr that I saw, I don't know what user it is, sorry! But I saw a post that had I Told Sunset About You on it as like a good show to watch but I wasn't sure where to access it at the time, so I kind of just filed it away for later. Cut to like six months later, Ben and Turtles were yelling at me to eat vegetables, Kyr-kun-chan changed her icon to I think PP or Billkin or something, Nini mentioned PP and then a thousand messages in the clown server later ginnymoonbeam and I committed to watching ITSAY for the first time, which is probably a good thing because then Ben could warn me about doing one episode at a time.

Ben

Oh right, you were the one who was like, I'm tough I can watch more than one episode at a time. No.

Captain Hands

Wrong. Very wrong.

Ben

I'm glad you also finally joined us. Last but definitely not least, Turtles what about you? How did you come to ITSAY?

Turtles

Hey folks! Ben and Nini, thanks for having me, this is so awesome. All right, so, I guess what I'm the most well known on Tumblr for is the old GMMTV challenge project that I am blogging on. I came to BLs through Kinnporsche, at least Thai BLs through Kinnporsche, I was familiar with Japanese BLs for a couple years before that. I Told Sunset About You, in regards to it making it into the project — it was obviously going to be a natural part of the challenge syllabus, in terms of anybody picking up that syllabus and learning about Thai BLs in the first place. But the entire project, the watch list is community contributed, it’s 100% created by the community of Tumblr posters who love Thai BLs and who have lots of opinions about Thai BLs including this group here. It wasn't just through the solicitation of feedback on the OGMMTVC, uh, that I came to it, I certainly had seen I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon on many lists across Tumblr as, as an impactful BL. But in regards specifically to where it belonged by way of chronology, and by way of its cinematic impact, all of that feedback came through my soliciting the community on Tumblr for creating my syllabus that is teaching me about Thai BLs, and will hopefully get replicated in other people's journeys as well. So that's how I came to it.

Ben

I'm very excited by everybody's answers about how they came to this. I want to ask a quick follow-up question since — some of us have been here since the before time and the long long ago, and some of you got started like a year or two ago? Going in reverse order real quick: what is everybody's first BL that they remember? Turtles?

Turtles

The classic, the wonderful, the amazing, What Did You Eat Yesterday? Long story short, that was the first time I had ever discovered Tumblr as well — enjoyed that drama and I was absolutely insane for it for about two years solid.

Ben

Thank you for that. Captain Hands! What was your first BL?

Captain Hands

My friends were really obsessed with Word of Honor and showed it to me, so I got really into that, and that's how I found the, like, list of other BLs. If that does not count as a BL, then Kinnporsche was the first thing that I watched.

Ben

[laughs] Aiden, what about you? I'm actually really curious to hear your answer, because you and I have been around since the beginning.

Aiden

It depends on how you define BL, really. The first thing that I think could probably qualify would be the first Takumi-kun from Japan in 2007.

Ben

Unfortunately, that counts.

Aiden

Yeah [laughs]. Unfortunately indeed.

Ben

What about you, Mor? You said ITSAY was one of your first BLs. You have any others you watched before that? Or what was your other pathway into this?

Mor

2gether was one of the first ones, which is ironic because I hated 2gether. [laughs] I don't know why I finished watching it, I was just intrigued, so even though I kind of despised it for a lot of personal reasons — just wasn't for me — I enjoyed it enough that I wanted to keep watching. I wanted to find more.

Ben

I'm absolutely fascinated by how everybody came to this. It's KinnPorsche, 2gether, What Did You Eat Yesterday? and Aiden with some of the oldest stuff.

11:31 - Phuket as a Setting

Moving on to our next question! We're going to get into some setting stuff. What about Phuket as a setting stands out to you? I think I'm gonna have Mor answer this one first because they actually visited Phuket and some of the filming locations.

Mor

I certainly did, and I made a concentrated effort to take pictures, as some of you I think have seen, of the actual scenes in ITSAY, like the famous chip crawl deck, which was a journey to find. It was an incredible experience getting to visit Phuket. The setting of Phuket is unlike any other backdrop to a BL that I've ever seen. The landscape is really a character unto itself. I get a very similar but also sort of very rare sort of feeling when I watch ITSAY as I do when I'm watching, say, the train scene in Spirited Away. It's like looking at a natural environment that's been elevated to something almost magical just because of the way it's being shot or portrayed. 

I read once that Miyazaki's films almost make you homesick for a place you've never been, and that's how I felt about Phuket after watching ITSAY, to the point that it absolutely influenced my decision to go to Thailand and actually go there. And having been I can say it's just as lovely as they portray it to be — but I do know my attachment runs a lot deeper and is more personal than that, because Phuket to me will always be tied to Teh and Oh. 

The specific locations they chose, having now been there and walked around and seen it — it was so smart and it really enhanced the narrative while never overwhelming it or taking away from it. Like, I was very struck that the beach that the hammock scene takes place on… it's very wide, it's very open, and you would almost miss the hammock, because the way that the trees hang so low to the beach, it really sort of encapsulates the hammock? You have to actually climb under the branches. It really I think created this effect of Teh and Oh — they almost look cocooned in the darkness, in this otherwise very wide open environment. Maybe it felt a little safer because of that, to start saying what they had been feeling and skirting around. The wide shots of the beach chase scene… and obviously the beauty of Promthep Cape, and so many other moments. Phuket just… it did so much to enhance the intimacy of the scenes, and move this story along.

Ben

Apparently we're all going to have to go visit Phuket now. Turtles, when you were reacting to the series you were writing about some of the cultural crossover stuff. What do you have to say about Phuket as a setting?

Turtles

I've never been to Thailand, but I have spent a good portion of my entire childhood and adult life in Thailand's southern neighboring country of Malaysia — with my mother being Malaysian, my being part Malaysian — Phuket is an incredibly important locale for me to consider. Chinese migration from Fujian, from other locales in China, traveled in part down that Thai landscape to the Malaysian peninsula, and then ultimately settling all throughout Thailand, through Malaysia as I said, and ultimately into Singapore which has a majority Chinese population. 

A lot of what I learned about Phuket in part comes from my own Malaysian heritage, but also through conversations with other amazing Tumblr users including the very wonderful telomeke, who hails from the southeast Asian region himself. Phuket, Penang, Kuala Lumpur, these are towns that happened to receive more than their fair share of Chinese immigrants, that ended up in part creating a very unique culture that we call Peranakan culture: Chinese immigrants intermingling with ethnic residents of the areas in which they settled. Teh's mom is just a fabulous example of somebody that, that holds a lot of those influences all in one person: she wears Peranakan clothes, particularly when she's hosting events for the public at her Hokkien Mee stall.

Ben

Captain Hands, Aiden, do you want to say anything about Phuket?

Captain Hands

Phuket is a small town when compared to locations like Bangkok, which is where a lot of I Promised You the Moon is going to take place. I've been thinking that the small-town vibe works very well with how often it feels to me like Teh's entire world is ending whenever Oh, like, does something that like makes him jealous. Or like, if Teh's rejected or if he makes a mistake, like you can just feel in his body how much that impacts him, and it feels very small-town to me, to like to have these little moments be so big to him. 

There’s such a significant use of the Chinese language in this show, and for all the ways that like Chinese is used to tell us, like, what Teh is thinking and feeling, and for all the ways that like Teh is taking the time to try to teach Oh how to understand the language that Teh himself uses to express himself frequently — is a really poignant thing for me to pick up on considering Teh's own heritage, and like, his mother's heritage, and like the Chinese immigrant population that is a part of that community.

Ben

Turtles was talking about the cultural crossover that occurs in Phuket from all the various people migrating there. I'm from New Orleans which can jokingly be described as the northernmost Caribbean city, that has passed between French and Spanish control multiple times, and has now been occupied by Americans for one hundred and fifty years. So we have a very weird collection of cultures here as well — most evidenced in our architecture. And I think about that a lot when I reflect on Phuket — because I just rewatched it this week — it looks different from what we usually get in Bangkok.

Turtles

This show was so unbelievably layered by its visual cues, from a cultural interpretive perspective. Ben, as you pointed out to me, one of the friends, Phillip, he clearly comes from from a Islamic family, his parents are shown wearing a hijab and a songkok, and it's just very indicative of the the filmmakers giving us the indication that we're talking about… the mixing of cultures, assimilation and melting pot, all of the different words that we want to throw out there. 

As per your note about New Orleans, you know, as we say in Malaysia same same lah. It's very comparative to all of these indications that they were bringing up about Phuket. Thinking about Phuket as a tourist town as well, as compared to New Orleans, having just been to New Orleans myself, I think that there's just so much to, to pull out there by way of whether you make Phuket a permanent home or not. Teh and Oh clearly exist on the borderline of that permanence as they get closer to going to college.

Ben

There's something specific about growing up in a tourist town, like you can go visit tourist locations during peak tourist season as a way to avoid people you know. Because unless they're working the location, it's just strangers.

19:00 - Style and Genre

Ben

We're going to move to our next question here and get into some style questions. How does ITSAY play with genre and stylistic expectations? And specifically, are there any works that you recall while you were watching it? Aiden, you and I had talked a little bit about this.

Aiden

For myself when I was watching ITSAY, rather than paying attention to the source materials that ITSAY drew from, I found myself thinking back on shows that I'd seen since ITSAY aired and reevaluating them through the lens that had changed from my watching it. ITSAY clearly broke open a number of aspects that the Thai BL circuit specifically hadn't delved into until then, and expanded the genre as a result. 

My personal favorite impact is seeing shows set in rural locations, which were quite thin on the ground before that point, and have increased at least in visits if not fully set in more rural locations since then. Shows like Tale of a Thousand Stars, Cupid’s Last Wish, I Will Knock You, Remember Me, Moonlight Chicken. And it also, it showed grit and grime in a way that you really hadn't seen before that point in at least the BL genre. It was more common in media intended for queer audiences or art house type of content but the BL genre had always been very sanitized, very urban, very clean cut. Almost cartoonish and simplistic. And seeing something where you got to see buildings with marks on the walls that are from, you know, monsoon rain, stains, faded paint, chipped plaster, dirt on the ground, picture glass that had flecks on it, dust settled on things — that was a revelation, at least at the time. It really made things feel a lot more… settled and grounded and realistic. It felt like you could walk down the road and see these places, rather than it being a kind of constructed facade of where these shows are, that's an everyplace everywhere kind of generalization. And that followed with shows like Not Me, I Will Knock You again, Remember Me, that you got to see the grittiness, Not Me especially. 

The inclusion of religion, more Chinese cultural aspects, things like that that had largely been omitted from most shows until then, started becoming involved more in the day to day life that you got to see. Things like the talk Bart where you do the alms in the morning providing the food for the monks that go around traveling from home to home. 

We also started getting more slower paced shows like Nitiman, You're My Sky — which had heavy callbacks — Coffee Melody, My Only 12%. Shows with high concepts, stronger writing, better production value on a number of levels, like, ah, Bad Buddy, Triage, La Pluie, Kinnporsche. Also things with some of the more awkward side of queer life, which until then had very much not been present almost at all, outside of the more tragic kind of shows. Because again, it was that sanitized, sort of, ‘it has to be picture perfect, it has to be ideal’ kind of… nuance and vibe on the shows. And so we got things like Secret Crush on You, and I'll argue that I Will Knock You should fit there as well. 

The way that it's expanded the shows that have come after — and yes we do still have those sanitized, simplistic, clean, bubblegum sort of shows — very much enjoyable when you're in the mood for that sort of show, but we've also added things to give more breadth. Things like La Pluie, Step by Step, Moonlight Chicken, that make it a much more encompassing sort of genre, able to draw broader crowds that have differing interests as well. I am thrilled to see the change and be able to tie back now to how that was driven by ITSAY.

Ben

This is one of the reasons why I was really glad we finally got you to watch the show, because you've been in the genre as long or longer than me? And it was one of the shows that you had skipped for specific reasons when it first aired and I was curious how your long view of the genre would play into your reflections upon it. 

When I watched ITSAY, I ended up having a really intense reaction to the end of it — positively, as a result of some of the works that had come before. It's sometimes hard for me to connect ITSAY to other BLs that pre-date it, because those BLs are often heavily influenced by product placement and a slapstick version of humor that ITSAY is not relying on at all — it's an incredibly serious show about what it wants to cover. And that connected me back further to some of the German works I had watched growing up. Like Summer Storm, which is I think from 2004, there's a Dutch film called Boys from 2014, Big Eden from America in 2000 which uses its setting in the American hinterland really well. And I just had not seen this in Thai BL. 

The closest we came to something this grounded-feeling from Thailand was The Love of Siam, which they submitted to the Academy Awards in 2007. I actually had Turtles and Captain Hands watch that this week, so before I get into my very specific reactions to that, at the end of episode 5 of ITSAY, I kind of want to hear you two, and what you have to say about Love of Siam in relation to ITSAY before we move forward.

Captain Hands

You've said before that you felt like ITSAY is an apology for Love of Siam, and I fully agree. Two kids that are childhood friends separate for a number of years, come back together, the attraction between them is instantaneous and very obvious and kind of hard to ignore? And then having it end the way that it ends for Love of Siam, is, you know, it's a choice! I can understand and see why they would play it that way, but I agree with you, Ben, that it is, that this feels like an apology for what they did to us with Love of Siam.

Ben

Turtles, any commentary you want to give?

Turtles

Me not being Thai, not knowing Thai, having not visited Thailand — for a movie in 2007 to end with a successful same-sex relationship would have surprised me. So the film ending the way that it did was not surprising, and I found the journey to get to that point really poignant. That is a very deeply Turtles read, a very deep Asian read. Absolutely no surprise whatsoever that many BL filmmakers were influenced by this movie. And as far as ITSAY goes, is ITSAY an apology for Love of Siam? I can absolutely understand that verbiage, that's not a verbiage that I would necessarily jump to using. 

I could very well say that if ITSAY had ended without Teh and Oh getting together, I also would not have been surprised, especially with the way episodes 3 and 4 went. And now that I've seen Love of Siam I could feel stronger in that opinion. Now, as far as it making me feel good or satisfied with the story conclusion? That's, I think, you know that's, that's personal extrapolation there. But as far as the art itself goes I think Love of Siam communicated to me that I would not have been surprised if Teh and Oh didn't get together, if they had more personal, emotional, and also macrocultural wrangling that they needed to do. Love of Siam absolutely talks to ITSAY but I'm not sure that I would necessarily call it an apology.

Ben

Mor, do you have any commentary on genre history?

Mor

The really interesting, different thing that ITSAY did for me, as specifically a queer 30-something, a Westerner who's been in all sorts of extremely homophobic environments and, and different things throughout my life, and I've just gotten used to not having happily ever after. What I loved so much about BLs in the beginning was just, ‘oh man, we can have these light, bubbly, effervescent stories that get a happily ever after and it doesn't have to be complicated, it can just be sweet?’ And it was such a new concept for me, to see that. 

So, ITSAY ended up, like, with the ending that we got, it ended up being almost healing for me? As dramatic as that sounds. And that's really why, because it subverted it. You could tell going in, this is gonna be serious. This is gonna be hard-hitting. We're gonna be getting into deep stuff in terms of these queer kids figuring out who they are, and learning how they can be together, if they want to be together. So I was sort of expecting — because of my history and what I'm what I'm used to seeing — okay, well we're going serious, it's not a good chance this is gonna end well. So to see that — which frankly was a much more realistic portrayal of queer relationships than your typical sanitized BL — that is what took ITSAY for me to god-tier media, god-tier.

29:40 - Characters

Ben

Let's get into some of the character stuff. For all that they are incredible and great characters, why couldn't it be Bas or Tarn for Teh and Oh? Captain Hands! You're up first for this one.

Captain Hands

So the easy answer for me is that it just couldn't be? Like neither Teh or Oh really knows exactly when they developed feelings for each other, and they both try to have feelings for Tarn and Bas and they just can't make it work. Teh going to Tarn at 4 am and asking her to tell him that she loves him was, for me, like, ‘Oh I need to know what it feels like to hear this from her so I can know how it, how it feels… to hear it? And to know whether or not that feels good? If that feels something, like something I want to hear.’ 

For a more, you know, in-depth answer, because that's my whole shtick, right? There's a couple of things that I was thinking about, mostly the Chinese language element, the color element, and then just like Tarn and Bas as characters? One of the throughlines of ITSAY is that Teh frequently writes whatever his subconscious is fixating on over and over again in Chinese. Teh can't parse through the complexity of his emotions, but he can summarize them in like words, so like ‘rival’ or ‘intimate,’ and we know that there is much more behind what he's writing, than like what is actually being put down on paper? Because Oh's not good at Chinese, Teh spends so much of this show like painstakingly teaching Oh how to understand Chinese, and like how to understand him as a person and like his subconscious? So like once Oh starts to get it and get better at Chinese is when they really start to connect more intimately. If you think about the end of episode 3 with the sniffing scene, the buildup to that moment is Oh using the male/male protagonist question — like, how you say male protagonist in Chinese, how you say female protagonist in Chinese, is male-male okay? — is him asking if Teh is okay with them like potentially becoming a couple. 

And I know this is going to kill Ben to talk about the colors, but this is for the color girlies! Oh is red and Teh is blue and green, and something that I did notice on this watch through is like, Teh's home is filled with red, like the walls of the restaurant are red, his bedspread’s red, the couch, the clothing his mother wears is often red, and Oh's home is… very much blue and green, so like the sign for the Panwa resort is blue, the windows, all of the windows are framed in this kind of like, light green. These boys grew up in each other's colors. Their home is each other's colors. And so of course when they first meet, they're going to be drawn to one another because they remind each other of home. Tarn's color is purple, and so there are parts of Tarn that Teh is drawn to, but I see that as kind of being like the red parts of Tarn. 

Oh likes Bas because Bas kind of acts as a similar person in his life to Teh. In episode 2 Oh says that he likes Bas because Bas drives him around, but he won't confess because he doesn't know what Bas's feelings are for him, and he thinks that Bas likes girls and he doesn't want to lose him as a friend, when that is a direct parallel to Teh. And something that I started noticing on this watchthrough is that Bas picks up whatever color Teh is wearing, but he's often like a scene or an episode behind. So in episode 4 Teh’s wearing green at the beginning of like them going to the resort? And then Bas picks up the green when he shares a bed with Oh, and then by the time that Bas has picked up that green color, Teh and Oh are both in yellow, and so like they're now matching, and Bas is is behind the curve. 

From the perspective of just like, Tarn and Bas as characters, like they both value themselves enough to know when to let go, which I think is a very crucial part of their relationships with Teh and Oh? When Teh colors the hibiscus that Tarn draws red, she shuts that shit down like immediately and sends him home. And when Oh is quiet and sad on like the drive home, Bas knows immediately like why that is, and goes to Teh’s house. So like I really strongly believe that Oh ends up with Teh at the end because Bas gives him up? Oh would have kept fighting the urge to go to Teh, and like to comfort Teh and to support him, if Bas hadn't driven Oh to Teh's house and been like, ‘it's okay, it's fine, I understand.’ And, and given him that freedom.

Ben

I’m very fascinated to follow up on the thread about Tarn and Bas having more willingness to cut those boys off [laughs]. Anyone else have any commentary they want to talk about on Bas or Tarn? Oh please, Aiden, proceed.

Aiden

It just needs to be said that Bas is the best boy and Tarn is the best girl. Sorry, somebody had to say it.

Ben

Thank you, sir. So [laughs] I think Teh likes Tarn because she's as committed to her future as he is. She intentionally does not pursue a romance with him because she thinks it would get in the way of her pursuit of her art and architecture career. And Teh is super committed to his career as an actor. And I think that's probably why he liked her so much? This is a little bit of I Promised You the Moon slipping through. But like Captain Hands pointed out: because she's committed to what she wants for herself, she's not going to sacrifice a ton of her stuff for him the way Oh might, or that Teh might for Oh. 

And Bas… I've been thinking a lot about second lead stuff because of conversations with Shan. Bas doesn't confess until really late in the game? But so much has happened at that point, that Teh is going to be able to break past that because of the earlier promise. I agree that he is the best boy. But I think Oh likes the drama [laughs] that Teh brings to his life.

36:18 - Teh and Oh-aew’s Dynamic

Ben

On to our next question! The dynamic between Teh and Oh-aew is one of the primary draws of this story. What did you connect to in their dynamic or their story? Mor, you're up first.

Mor

I'm vibrating, can you tell? [laughs] So there is so much, I think, that could draw anyone into the story of ITSAY, because the glories and the pitfalls of first love, they have so much in common regardless of who you fall in love with. But I personally connected so deeply to their story, again, as a queer person, I know a lot of other people did as well. You can't help but painfully relate to both of them — at least that was my experience, especially my younger self — Teh having so many feelings that he spends so much time being incapable of processing or acknowledging, let alone communicating? And Oh being so long-suffering and hopeful and just pining with his whole self for this mess of a boy, who doesn't know what he wants or what he's doing. I mean not that Oh really does either; who knows what they want in a relationship when they're that young? And when you have feelings for your long-lost best friend that you just reunited with, it's very complicated. 

But there were just so many quintessentially queer experiences in ITSAY and in their dynamic that hit me right in my gay little heart. The tiny secret touches that mean so much, the affectionate friendly banter that all of a sudden is veering into flirting, or ‘are we flirting, like what's going on?’ and then the crippling doubt that sets in afterwards and how it can haunt you for days. This gut wrenching fear that these feelings you found yourself in can possibly affect your whole life: how your friends feel about you, whether or not your family accepts you. There's just so much that we have to consider, well beyond what our hetero peers typically have to deal with, and it's exciting and it's terrifying. It's not just incredibly validating, but like I mentioned earlier, it's healing in a way, to see such a frankly visceral experience portrayed with so much care and accuracy, as they did with giving us Teh and Oh's story, and their dynamic and how it progressed. I just feel like overall the stakes are so much higher for us? And often at so, so young and tender ages, to just explore who we are, to like and to fall in love with who we want to, and… their whole story for me, watching it unfold — this is very dramatic but it's true — for me, it felt like someone peering into my past looking at all these little hurts I forgot, these bigger ones that are still healing, and saying, ‘it was like this back then wasn't it? It was so hard. But there's so much beauty here, and you can have it too! It can be yours too. You can have this struggle, you can go through all of this, you can walk through the fire and emerge through the other side with this beautiful, beautiful thing, that maybe even is even more beautiful because of how much work and how much brokenness it took to get there.’

Ben

I'm so glad we got to let you get that out of your system, Mor. [laughs] Turtles or Aiden, do you have any commentary on Oh and Teh?

Aiden

For me the, the dynamic between Teh and Oh was very unique and… not something that I had necessarily dealt with, but the coming-out scene for Teh and Hoon resonated incredibly strongly for me. The dialogue from that scene matched almost word for word how I came out to my own brother? And the emotions, and the fear and the terror and the relief and the reassurance and the, you know, gentle teasing to lighten the mood… that felt so real. Mine had [laughs] rather less crying, at least in the moment, I definitely did later — but the text and the, the feeling of that scene just took me right back to that moment. And there's so much about this show that is authentic in a very specific way to different people's experiences.

Ben

Thank you Aiden. Turtles?

Turtles

For me, what Oh was able to get out of Teh, by way of what I called a drunken hormonal experience… just the way Billkin acted in his exploratory attraction towards Oh and how PP received it… how their physical interplay represented that budding romance, that budding attraction. The end of episode 2 on the boat particularly moved me, let alone the incredibly impactful endings of 3 and 4. I was surprised to sort of see Teh… melt, and go back and forth in his physicality at the end of that episode. Just the physicality of that exploration, and how the physicality itself then compared to and reflected on all the emotional processes that we saw between the two of them. I thought that that was so unique particularly about this show, and how unabashed it was to display such physical attraction developing between the two of them, particularly on Teh's end. That's something that I'll really take away from this show, that it displayed attraction, really really vibrating attraction, in such an impactful way.

Ben

Captain Hands, you have any commentary?

Captain Hands

Of course you know I do, I have commentary about everything all the time. So I think the thing that really drew me to Oh and Teh’s dynamic was the power of their feelings for one another, and like, especially the way that Oh acts as a magnet to Teh and like, the trance-like state that Oh kind of puts him in, so you get all these moments of Teh just kind of following after Oh, and like Oh being aware of that power that he holds? The sincerity of their characterizations and the commitment to their characters… I love this show so much for having Teh just constantly walk in circles. And how that will kind of translate into just the cyclical nature of his own personality, and like the experiences that he has, and the stuff that he puts himself through. The things he will continue to do as their relationship progresses. You can tell so much, like how comfortable these two are with each other, and how in love they have been with each other since they were kids, and that's another reason I think that they couldn't have really been with anybody else, is because they have all of this history between them? That is like so palpable, and like how much Teh wants to protect those memories, and like the feelings that he has when he's with Oh. The line that they say like, ‘don't give my time to others’ is so poignant. 

Seeing the way that Teh is continuously transformed by being around Oh, hating coconut at the beginning of the show and thinking that it smelled bad, and then like having that scene with Oh on the boat at the end of episode 2, and then immediately opening episode 3 with Teh just smashing a bit of coconut meat on his face as like hard as he can, because he just wants to be like as close to it as possible and like, how it doesn't smell bad anymore, and how it tastes good now because he's starting to have these feelings for Oh. And that has radically changed how he interacts with the world around him. It’s just like so good to me to watch being portrayed on screen, especially because Teh is not aware of his queerness in the way that that Oh is? And so like, Teh not knowing why he feels the way he feels, and then lashing out because he can't put a name to like, what it is that is causing the feelings that he has, it feels very, very in keeping with like, the queer experience as you are like, learning your own identity.

Ben

The thing with ITSAY — it's not just the things that it does that are familiar: with all the important touching, the knowing that exists between you, the dealing with the homophobia, the concern about how other people will perceive you, whether or not your parents can be proud of you if you are honest about this portion of yourself. What I think makes ITSAY so special as queer media, and why I lose my mind over it? It's about the fact that these two cannot hide how they feel from each other, at all. And as a result they are the most cry baby boys I have ever seen in all of queer cinema. I just rewatched it this week. These boys are crying constantly at and about each other. Every time any one of them says anything to the other, they make the other one cry over something. 

It's interesting because so much of the ‘are you are you not’ thing, when you're growing up, is about the uncertainty that the other boy is actually feeling it? And that never feels like it exists between them. Oh knew what he was feeling, but as soon as Teh starts to show interest in him, he picks up on it instantly, and eventually confronts Teh very directly about it. As Turtles pointed out, the way the intimacy between them is displayed so frankly. They spend all of episode 3 dancing around each other — we know where this is going! And then you get the back-scratching scene which leads into this arc about Teh dealing with the physical reality of Oh being a boy. Episode 4 has the underwater kiss. During the underwater kiss, Teh puts his hand on Oh's chest again, and Oh has a reaction to that, and you can see him immediately being hit with the uncertainty about Teh's attraction to girls — in the middle of the best kiss that has ever happened. And I don't think I noticed that in my earlier watches: even during this huge moment for them, they are still continuing the drama. There's a specificity to the way that these two feel queer, that I have noticed that every person who grew up with some of the Knowing, as I call it, feels so intensely about these two boys.

Mor

I'm nodding so hard over here I'm surprised I haven't lost my head at this point. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to everything you said. The sheer magnetism of their connection, that's really one of my biggest takeaways from this show. Not only the authenticity, but just how much Billkin and PP's chemistry and their talent as actors, how they were able to really, ah, just make that experience that is so true, it's so true to my experience as a queer person who definitely had the Knowing from a very young age... and had a lot of of moments like that where it just felt like, ‘what, I think there's something here, you know it, I know it, I think we both know it’ — it's hard to put it into words, but they just captured it so beautifully, so brilliantly. It took me back. 

It was so accurate that it made me remember little moments, tiny little moments in my past that weren't so little in the moment, they were really big when I was, you know, ten, eleven, twelve, falling for a girl for the first time. That's part of what made it so special for me is how it really took me back to those times, and in a healing way.

Ben

Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

I was just thinking about, in the opposite sense of like, I did not at least acknowledge my queerness until I was in my early 20s? But like, definitely grew up feeling very different from people around me and like, lonely compared to people around me, for like reasons I could not explain at the time? And so like, seeing Teh have to go through and process his own queerness because it is not something that has occurred to him before, was something that I took so strongly to. I relate so hard right now in my life to the identity narratives, because it took me so long to kind of parse through what my identities are, and to like, get comfortable with them. And so seeing Teh’s kind of like, ‘can I even like boys?’ moments, that is something that was really fun for me to watch, again with like the circling, like he has no clue [laughs] what's going on in his life and he is just circling and circling and circling until he kind of comes to a point that he can connect to, and then he'll kind of run off in that direction.

50:07 - Why Do You Care So Much About ITSAY?

Ben

Final question for everyone: Why do you care so much about ITSAY? Aiden.

Aiden

I care about it because, for one it is authentic queer representation on a level that I had very rarely seen on screen — both in Thai media and and just in general. It's very true to life for a wide variety of queer people. But also I am passionate about it because of the way that it drove Thai media as a whole forward to a profound degree — but especially the QL genre. It showed unarguably that there was a market for high quality productions, and the industry reacted by broadening their offerings accordingly. Many of the Thai shows that I love most from the past couple of years clearly echo back to ITSAY in specific aspects, and there will be untold echoes that continue radiating forward from here, in a good way.

Ben

Thank you, Aiden. Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

ITSAY to me is a foundational queer show. Mostly because queer characters are allowed to be complex, three-dimensional and frustrating. If anybody from Tumblr is listening to this podcast, which I know you are, the for, by, and about queer thing is something that I've been looking at a lot as I've been watching more stuff, and this is very much all three, right? Because they're letting these characters make mistakes, and like hurt people that they care about in their quest to better understand themselves? They are allowed to be human, which is like a wild concept in a lot of the like earlier BL shows, it's part of why I don't like it personally when people say that ITSAY's not a BL, because like, why can't BL's be high quality with like, really good structure and story right? Like I don't think that it's fair to just be like, oh this doesn't count as a BL because of like the, the production itself. 

And I think that just the emotional, like honesty and vulnerability that the script and the actors like showed throughout this process, really struck deep in my experiences figuring out like my own identity? There's such a commitment to everything and everybody in the show that I really liked. Watching the documentaries. I just love how much of the emotionally safe space it felt like, seeing how often the director himself was crying watching these scenes? Or like, how they would kind of wind up these these crying scenes by like, I remember like, PP being rocked back and forth in a hug by the director in the position that he's going to be in when he hugs Bas crying at the end of, what is it, episode 4 or part of episode 5 when Bas is like, go comfort Teh? All of these moments that like really show that the cast and the crew support each other, and like trust in each other… there is so much time and effort put into this show, and that is part of why I like it so much, is like you can tell how much care every aspect of this show was given.

Ben

Thank you, Captain Hands. Turtles?

Turtles

ITSAY for me reaches an echelon that only a very few Thai BLs have done for me by way of really balancing out an homage, a love letter to the culture that, that it's celebrating, along with what Aiden and Captain Hands have said so far regarding queer representation, and just hit a really incredible artistic balance experimented with with cinematic form and this serialized kind of publication way. Captain Hands, to your point about the argument about if it's a BL or if it's not a BL, one thing that I've been considering quite a bit in conversations, particularly with neuroticbookworm, has been whether or not ITSAY would have been more successful as a movie. And I've thought more about it and I think that, while there may be an answer to that that's separate from what I will say here — which is that I think it was really groundbreaking that they took this incredible idea and artistic vision and put it in serialized form, and experimented with what had been concretely developed as a serialized BL genre, and played in that sandbox. 

So taking all of that together, taking all of those maybe slightly even risky decisions rooting this show in a particular voice of a culture that we hadn't seen highlighted quite in as explosive of a way as ITSAY being rooted in Phuket was, along with its gorgeous depiction of queer revelation, of queer realization. Just all of that combined into one pot of a show really blows me away. 

My watching experience of it — it took me out, I couldn't multitask, I had to take all of your guys' advice and watch one episode at a time, and no show has done that for me. And so that, that's what I'll take away from it. A unique experience, unlike anything else that I ever experienced watching a Thai BL.

Ben

Before I move to Mor, I just have to say: Absolutely not! This should not have been a movie! I have watched a lot of goddamn movies. We deserved all of the time [laughs] that ITSAY gave us on this story. It would have felt so rushed if they tried to force this shit into two goddamn hours! Yeah! No! No. [Ben bangs the table] There's the table slamming. [laughs]

Turtles

Bartender, get him another drink!

Ben

I have drank like three-quarters of a bottle of wine, so, I'm sorry.

Turtles

Get him some pasta. [laughs]

Ben

[laughs] All right, sorry. This is about you all, not about me. Bestie in Christ, Mor!

Mor

[laughs] That was fantastic, thank you. I was bangin’ my desk over here like yessss, preach, take me to church! I am here to receive.

Ben

Why do you care so much about ITSAY?

Mor

Ohhh boy. A core memory for me from the last couple of years is sitting shell-shocked, absolutely shell-shocked on my couch, silently weeping, watching the credits of ITSAY roll for the first time. Truly just unable to move for probably ten, fifteen minutes, just trying to absorb everything that I just witnessed? And all I could think was, ‘things are different now.’ Truly, that was my reaction to it, I mean, this show? It wasn't made to fulfill a trope. It wasn't made to fill a time slot. It was made to show the tender beautiful humanity that is at the core of all love stories, regardless of the gender of the person you fall in love with, and that's just not something that I can say for a lot of other BLs, or shows period? Not that they don't stand on their own two feet for all sorts of other reasons, but it's something that set ITSAY forever apart for me. Not only that that was clearly their goal, but in how beautifully they achieved it, how perfectly in my opinion they achieved it. 

It was so realistic to my experience as a queer person, but it's also a show that I would feel very comfortable showing to someone who had no experience with the BL genre. Because you don't have to have any. You don't have to have an appreciation for it. You just have to be a person. You just have to be a human who has lived through tough human things, and had relationships, to find so much value, so much to relate to. I don't know how you can watch ITSAY and not have it just reverberate with you on some personal level. Whenever I discuss it with people, just like we've been doing tonight, I'm hearing things that even being — practically a priestess of ITSAY I feel like at this point — even with that I'm hearing things that I hadn't thought of before. And I think that's beautiful, that a show can be so elevated, and done so well that people from all walks of life can come to it, and come away with things that are just so true and accurate to their experience, and you learn things by hearing it, you know, hearing from them. But yeah it was so realistic to my experience as a queer person, while also giving a happily ever after, which was beautiful but it was also very hard won, which made it even more beautiful for me. The characters are real, they are flawed, but they figure it out… gives hope for the rest of us. [laughs] It raised production values. It raised the bar on what a BL can be. 

We did touch on a little bit about people debating whether or not ITSAY is a BL and I just have to say, whenever I'm debating anything I go to the source. And it was I believe a Teen Vogue article that BKPP were interviewed for: they both referred to the show as a BL, so have the writers, so has the crew, and if they are comfortable with addressing it as that, so am I. 

And then on a more personal note, it introduced me to BKPP my beloveds, to some of my best online friends, it got me halfway around the world to Thailand. Overall, it's an artistic and technical triumph as much it is is queer storytelling at its finest, it did everything it needed to in all the ways that it mattered, it moved me, it continues to, in a way that not much media ever has. It's got my whole heart and I could probably find something new to marvel about, you know, forever. It's as complicated and as, as simple as that for me

Ben

Thank you, Mor. I have been watching queer cinema for a very long time. Part of why ITSAY is so important to me, is no other piece of media has so consistently generated such strong visceral reactions. There's so many great pieces that you can pull out for people that many of them haven't seen, but there's something about ITSAY, where if you are aware of it at all, if you even heard its name, you know something about it, and have an opinion about it, whether you've watched it or not. And I also feel so strongly about watching Thai queer people talk so frankly about how they also had the same sort of visceral experiences that the rest of us had. 

What also matters for me about this show is, like we've had some interesting moments in the west: like Moonlight, Call Me By Your Name, other queer movies that have released, and we keep waiting for their impact to hit the rest of us. We felt the impact of ITSAY within a year of it releasing? ITSAY immediately impacted Korea's willingness to participate in BL, despite how conservative their film industry is. Japan re-upped their efforts on the genre… and GMMTV responding to that! We felt it all throughout late ‘21 early ‘22. It is so rare that you can point to a work that genuinely changed the way an entire genre functioned? And also really rare that you can feel that impact in its time. 

And with that: thank you all for joining us on this first clown panel of The Conversation! If there's anything you want to say to the people before we go?

Turtles

I just want to say what an honor it was to be invited on this. I love loving BLs and I love loving BLs along with you all.

Ben

Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

Sorry if we weren't as funny as David.

Ben

[laughs] That's impossible. He's an unhinged 45-year-old gay man. Aiden?

Aiden

One last thought that came up: ITSAY has this level of radical compassion for every single character on the screen, and that helps the viewer to have compassion even if they may be homophobic or unfamiliar, it brings a level of love and care to those characters, in a way that we really don't get, and I have high hopes that it's something that's going to be repeated again as we move forward.

Ben

Mor, any other closing thoughts?

Mor

Oh man, I don't know, I'm just all caught up in the ITSAY wave of feels, as I, as I tend to do. This show has a unique way of shutting down my logical brain and just making me feel all the things, which is what good art should do, dammit, it really should. So, it's doing its job. 

Go watch ITSAY! If y'all are listening to this and you haven't, what are you doing? Come on.

Ben

It's been three years, if you haven't watched it since 2020, go watch it again. It holds up. It's still good.

1:04:08 - Outro

Ben

And we're back. Fun fact for all of you: Nini's setup went completely to shit while we were recording, so she had no idea what the hell we were talking about. For the entire recording we're having to text her updates so she doesn't close down the recording booth. So, Nini is now reacting from post, not from the panel. 

Nini

[laughs] Yeah, it was a very interesting experience editing the panel not having heard a word that you guys said, so it was all brand new to me. That is a very new experience for me. 

Ben

She edited out all of the “Nini can't stop me because she's not here.” [both laugh]

Nini

Oh god, no, but it was really delightful. I had a really good time. I had a really hard time editing the panel, but there's some things that you guys brought up that really sort of tickled my brain, and I wanted to get into them while I was talking to you in the afters. 

Captain Hands made some comments on why Teh teaching Oh Chinese, with Chinese being Teh’s comfort language of expression, why that matters, and how the translation scene on the side of Promthep Cape plays into that. I found that was really interesting because that is new thinking for me, after three years and countless rewatches of this show I didn't think that there could be something about it that I hadn't thought about, or that was new to me, but thinking about Chinese as Teh’s comfort language—as his main language of expression. That brought up a whole new set of things to me in their relationship.

Ben

I have a couple of friends locally whose parents have immigrated from Taiwan, and they talk about how they have probably like a kindergartener's understanding of the language sometimes, and I hadn't thought about how Teh wasn't learning Chinese for the first time—that he may have had some familiarity from growing up around his mom. That was a fresh thought that I had coming out of the panel.

Nini

It just adds a little bit more color to what exactly Teh was doing in that class, what he was doing tutoring Oh-aew. How hard he worked to make sure that Oh-aew could understand him, because Teh is not great at expression, but the few times that he manages to express himself very clearly to Oh-aew it is in Chinese. Using the Chinese flashcards on the boat, writing and rewriting words in Chinese in his notebook. That's how he's able to get his points across to Oh-aew, and he can only do that because he's taught Oh-aew how to understand him. I found that was a really good observation. 

You made an observation as well that I really enjoyed about tourist places as safe spaces when you are from a tourist place, that going to do tourist things actually gives you a certain amount of anonymity that you wouldn't normally get. 

Ben

Some of the normal spaces like cafes, malls, etc. are populated by people that you would run into, but, like, locals are not going on a swamp tour. And so, you can get away with things that you might not elsewhere. Like, I think about the fact that Promthep Cape is a really popular tourist location, and the fact that when they were actually filming that scene very kind tourists stayed out of the camera, but were like two meters sometimes away from the boys while they're recording one of the most pivotal scenes of the series. And that's kind of what it's like when you're in tourist places in your hometown. Like there's a bunch of strangers crowding around you, and it doesn't matter if they hear you say something because they don't know any of your people.

Nini

One thing that Aiden brought forward that I really wanted to delve into myself: Aiden talked about visual style and how ITSAY allowed things to look grungy, and things to look worn, and things to look old, and things to look a little bit dirty; and how that contrasted against the previous BL impulse for everything to be bright and clean and shiny. And one of the things that made me think about from my own experience, how upset—I don't know if ‘upset’ is the term—people tend to get from my home country when my home country is portrayed outside as anything other than bright and shiny and clean and modern. There's that whole pressure to look a certain way to the outside world, and that comes through in our media as well. 

So watching that impulse sort of come through in Thai media, and then being sort of broken by this particular production. I always like when I'm watching media from other places when I can see the points of connection between my culture and another culture, between my home and another person's home, that always makes me feel more grounded in the story, even though it's a culture and a place that might be 180 degrees away from me. You can still find those very human points of connection. I really enjoyed that. 

Here's one that I want to ask you. You talked towards the end of the panel about Oh and The Knowing, and you've brought up The Knowing over and over again recently, and it's something that I've really been sitting with as you've explained certain things in your life and certain things in queer life, and one of the things that struck me listening to the panel that I think hadn't struck me before is that Oh Knows. Oh has The Knowing, but Teh also knows about Oh because Teh has a complete lack of surprise when Oh tells him that he likes Bas. He doesn't even register it as, like, a surprising thing. So Teh also has a Knowing about Oh but not about himself. I found that a really interesting juxtaposition.

Ben

Teh is an actor who's masking all the time. I think he was probably a little bit surprised, but when Oh tells him that secret, Teh's only goal is to desperately reconnect with Oh. So, I don't think in that moment he cares about Oh being queer. Like, Teh’s so stupid. He's not like paying attention to that sort of stuff. He only cares about Oh not shoving him away at that moment. Like, it didn't really matter what that secret was because he was going to respond positively.

Nini

I get that, but as the time goes on, we don't see any reaction from Teh about it, which is not the reaction that I would expect a teenage boy to have.

Ben

[sighs] When it comes to Teh, he's always performing. It's possible that he already knew these things, but I get the sense that he compartmentalizes. Like, a big part of it for Teh was he doesn't want to talk about it. Because talking about it makes it real, and then he has to face the reality of it. Like, that's what happens after the underwater kiss scene is Oh wants to talk about it and Teh really, really doesn't want to talk about it. It's possible that he knew, but because he's been away from Oh and so repressed, it's not eating at him.

Nini

I'll sit with that.

Ben

Teh doesn't act like he knew, but it's very clear that Oh was important to him, and he had to rapidly come to terms with those feelings.

Nini

I think it's pretty clear that Teh didn't know about himself. It's pretty clear that his journey I Told Sunset About You is a journey of understanding things that he didn't know and understand about himself.

Ben

Part of why I like that so much of Teh's journey is unspoken is it allows it to be more universal because it lets the audience at large take from Teh what they need and project into him what they're bringing to the scene, and this works out really well for Oh a lot, too, because Oh does so much with just looking at Teh.

There's some really great dialogue in the translations of this show, but there's a phenomenal amount of amazing work done from what isn't said, and that is one of my favorite things about it.

Nini

I also agree that one of the great things about ITSAY is how much is done in the silences and it's so interesting that you talked about the silences being something that the audience can project whatever they want onto and that being part of ITSAY’s success, because it's also in a way so legible. 

Normally when there's space like that for the audience to project onto we get all kinds of wild shit, like I’m just gonna be real with you. But the silences and the way that these two boys acted were so legible that even though there was all this silence between them, for all this space for the audience to project into, they generally projected what I think the creators intended because the reads were largely consistent in terms of how people were taking it in and how they were reading things.

Ben

I do think so, but a big part of that is how simple ITSAY’s story is. It's a very straightforward coming of age story in a lot of ways. That's why it works! Everything about ITSAY is inherently familiar, and it feels like an experience that people can enjoy again a decade, two, three decades from now. It's one of those classics you can go back and look at and you can probably point at where other projects referred back to it. 

I feel like I Told Sunset About You is going to be one of those projects where the future of queer coming-of-age cinema is going to refer back to it as one of its seminal moments.

Nini

So all that said, if we had to write at this point… an ode to ITSAY as our closing remarks on this retrospective, what would be your ode?

Ben

ITSAY is the best show that has ever existed because it is called I Told Sunset About You. It sets up this huge drama about running to the cape together before sunset, and they make it to the cape at sunset. Oh has this incredible breakdown and just says “I don't care what we're going to be to each other, just please don't leave me again,” and Teh, upending decades of genre history and expectation, says, “If I can be anything, can I be your boyfriend?” and old wounds finally closed in my heart.

Nini

Well, that is an ode. I don't think I could be anywhere as poetic as you about it, but what I will say is that this story touched something very deep inside me. I can't imagine not having seen this. I can't imagine where I would be now if I hadn't seen this. It changed things for me in a lot of ways, and that's one of my highest praises for media. If you change things for me, if you make me look at things differently, you've won. So, that's my ode to ITSAY: you won.

And with that we're gonna wrap this one up. Our next episode will be our Last Twilight in Phuket discussion. Ben and I are going to sit down and jaw about that a little bit, and then we will be introducing a fresh new panel and talking about I Promised You the Moon.

So look out for that. We out. Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

[keef-a-corn]

Welcome back to Keef rewatching TFP and writing down notes.

I will now be writing notes for Episode 7: Scrap Heap.

I put in timestamps so when you watch the show, you get a bit of context, but I also watch Transformers Prime on Stan which may lead to it being a bit off.

ONTO THE NOTES!

~~~~Transition~~~~

00:42 - excuse me little one… why must you look so cute?

00:53 - this is setup and yet it apparently isn’t permanent damage?

00:57 - Excuse me… OUR ARCTIC FIND?! OUR?! Optimus, I love you but you were not involved in finding that.

01:01 - how on Earth did they get that back there? (Someone genuinely answer me. How did they do it?)

~intro~

02:12 - again with the ‘our’.

02:21 - this part made me wonder where Bulkhead and Bumblebee’s insignia were. I found Bulkhead’s pretty easily (it’s on his arm), but it took me three days to find Bumblebee’s (I’m not kidding), but in my defence.. there are very few shots that make it clear where his was and it’s unnecessarily small. (For anyone curious:

02:31 - that’s my brother to me.

02:49 - ya know, you could just make friends, Jack, then you wouldn’t rely on an Autobot (that has a job to do) to keep you company.

03:00 - mmm Optimus, so formal

03:03 - in… the Arctic? I mean… maybe..?

03:17 - Optimus is a father (hc is that he’s the father of Bumblebee but gotta keep it vague.). From how he’s careful on turning down Raf, to the promise of a snowball, this isn’t the first time that a child he’s sworn to protect has to be told they cannot join.

03:19 - hehehe height differences.

03:35 - How do the bots play video games? Like when their in bot forms. I get in their alt modes they just hook it up to their steering wheels, but how do they do it bipedal mode?/gen

03:39 - I just noticed- Bee’s eyes aren’t filled in.

03:50 - I understand why Miko has no other friends. Completely ignores Raf in favour of challenging Jack, who isn’t interested in playing.

04:06 - Jack displaying good friendship skills and noticing that Raf wanted to play.

04:15 - Miko says ‘hoo yeah’ why does that feel so familiar?

04:20 - yes the frag he can, Bulk.

04:23 - Ratchet’s slow to anger here. Just wanted to share.

04:53 - THAT’S A VERY BIG SCREW-

05:41 - And here we see a Raf, not using common sense. Autobots never mentioned pets, yet this thing consumes metal without a second thought.. they obviously aren’t pets!

06:13 - Jack had already won. That’s why he was doing a victory dance-

06:19 - BEE, WHY ARE YOU STANDING LIKE THAT?!

Yes Ratchet, we do have a problem. Why is he standing like that, he’s not close enough for that to be(e) an effective stance.

06:33 - okay, but that would be horrifying. Like this little kid walks in holding a pest that eats you alive? That’s traumatising.

06:36 - I saw someone do a breakdown of this shot, how Bulk hides behind Ratchet, while Bee stands in front, most likely protecting Ratchet because Bee knows Ratchet doesn’t have weapons to protect himself. I just think about that.

06:38 - WHY ARE YOU GUYS PROTECTING THE SCRAPLET?! Oh wait- they’re protecting Raf.. okay I’m an idiot.

06:51 - Shut up, Miko and Jack. Human’s aren’t immune to smaller beings eating them to death.

07:01 - Raf, WHERE HAS YOUR BRAIN GONE?!

07:12 - once again, horrifying if you were a bot.

07:21 - the scraplet… ate through his hand.. right? Like Bee didn’t let go, that little shit ate through his hand.

07:23 - What would you even do in that situation?!

07:28 - FINALLY THE HUMANS DO SOMETHING!

07:35 - Okay but Jack saw what the scraplet did to Bee, right? Like it was dangerous. It should’ve been completely destroyed.

07:39 - Raf remembers his best friend exists.

07:43 - it’s probably just me, but Bee looks so small in this situation. Literally and Metaphorically. He looks tiny in size when you compare it to Ratchet and Bulkhead looming over him, but also small and innocent.

07:44 - Also it’s so weird seeing a bot sit like that. I mean, it’s cute, it’s just that I’m so used to them standing or sitting on objects that seeing Bee sitting on the ground like that looks a little peculiar.

07:48 - ‘only a Mesh wound. He’ll live.’ Remember that line… remember it. Also during that Ratchet’s carefully holding Bee’s leg, I know he’s just inspecting it like a doctor does, but he’s clearly being as careful as possible and combined with his tone, it makes Ratchet seem like a concerned parent.

08:00 - Why would Jack actually think that was the logic Scraplets went by? WHEN IS THAT EVER THE LOGIC SMALL CREATURES GO BY?!

08:02 - Glad Ratchet ain’t sugar coating this./g

08:16 - 1. Bee hiding behind Ratchet is adorable, 2. THAT’S WOULD GENUINELY BE TERRIFYING!

08:19 - Bee moves to hold onto Ratchet’s arm! I’m crying!

09:09 - once again.. Terrifying. But didn’t they survive in space? Or are there also other features as to why they can’t survive in the Arctic? Would it have something to do with oxygen and pressure?

09:13 - Optimus, in a state of mild confusion, chooses to move his body further away from the ice. A peculiar choice on his part, but alright.

09:28 - HE SAID THE THING!

09:30 - everyone when spider.

09:33 - it’s depressing to think that throughout the entire situation the bots are fulling aware that Optimus and Arcee are most likely going to die.

09:50 - So them running would be seen as cowardly, but when Bulkhead shares that they’ve witnessed what Scraplets can do.. that’s horrifying. The bots wanting to run makes perfect sense.

09:55 - … so… that’s why the scraplet didn’t immediately eat through Bee’s leg… because it was going for a more delicious part of him first-

10:09 - also how are you supposed to react to that information??

10:21 - understandable.

10:37 - Who ever chose for Bumblebee to shudder like that.. I hope you’re always sleeping wonderfully.

10:55 - Optimus helping her up is just a sweet moment… Also wouldn’t they be better to remain in vehicle mode?

11:09 - ‘and he will’ Optimus knows his husband will come to their aid ASAP. (They are husbands. We all know this.)

11:19 - Miko making fun of Bulkhead for screaming when they’re looking for bugs that are known to kill bots… I truly understand why Miko has no friends.

11:51 - that would be like walking into a spiderweb.

12:09 - and then finding out the spiderweb was full of spiders.

13:39 - Oh frag.. I’m surprised no one craps themselves in this episode.

12:46 - NO, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION?!

13:08 - Oh fuck.

13:12 - What kind of vision do the Scraplets have?!! Also Jack’s holding Metal in that scene, why don’t they see it???

13:33 - I ask once more WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION?!

13:48 - NOW HE CHOSES TO MENTION IT?! Also Ratchet’s V.A. did a great job conveying how panicked Ratchet would’ve been.

13:53 - that must hurt so badly.

14:24 - Bulkhead previously said that they eat the small juicy parts first… and every time we see the three bots in the same room, their first target is Bee. They’re going after the small part first-

14:41 - okay, but this scene is so uncomfortably terrifying. Hearing the bots yelling in pain, seeing all the Scraplets burried into their metal, the way no one can do anything… that’s horrifying.

14:55 - Optimus being responsible and keeping Arcee awake.

15:04 - Let’s just appreciate Optimus for a moment. This bot’s also freezing to death, doesn’t understand why they can’t get in touch with base, but manages to remain level headed.

15:12 - honestly though, sounds like a good idea for Arcee to just start rambling on angrily, because that’ll keep her awake.

15:17 - Optimus refusing to believe that this is someone’s fault.

15:34 - I know this probably isn’t, but it sounds so much like a references to the first Transformers movie.

15:48 - Optimus saying ‘one should not be measured by size alone’ is actually really sweet and inclusive.

15:50 - shoutout to bot’s sitting on the floor, gotta be one of my favourite genders.

15:54 - Miko and Raf standing their beating the shit out of some dead scraplets is beautiful.

15:58 - let’s appreciate what we can observe from this part. Ratchet and Bulkhead sitting on either side of Bee, sitting as upright as manageable, while Bee is more lying down than he is sitting up. If you look carefully you can see the bots are moving as though they’re breathing.

16:05 - once again, horrifying.

16:15 - ‘these were just scouts’ then the shot moves to Bumblebee’s reaction.

16:57 - Bee trying to sit up but immediately falling back makes my heart hurt. Baby nooo.

17:10 - SERIOUSLY THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING TO WITNESS.

17:22 - I’m so confused on what energon is. That pipe indicates it’s a liquid, but they mine energon crystals, they’re bright blue when the bots use it, but dark blue everywhere else.

17:25 - I think Bee’s asleep.

17:36 - why would you bring your bots in first??

17:36 - Never mind, he’s awake. Also Ratchet and Bulkhead talking about Bee reminds me of when a child sneaks into their parents bed at night.

17:42 - exactly.

17:44 - aww noo! Ratchet! He needs a nap

18:06 - this shot makes me cry. No! Why he gotta look so scared!! Also there’s a line through the main cord(?) is Bee’s neck. It appears to be the only indicator that there’s been anything to any part of his neck… so is that where his voice box is?

18:16 - you already know Optimus is thinking ‘shut up, Arcee. Trying to die in peace’. The bot’s tired, Arcee, give him a bit of peace.

18:29 - I need someone to write an extended part of this episode where all the bots get a nap… like they all just huddle together in blankets and pillows and get the nap they deserve. Don’t care if canon says it’s not possible. I am god now and I say it is.

18:41 - this is sweet.

18:55 - GIVE THIS BOT A NAP.

19:26 - Bulkhead’s brave af.

19:27 - Bee sits up.

19:26 - Ratchet pushes him back down.

19:56 - Optimus and Arcee aren’t nearly as hot as Bee, Bulk and Ratchet. Good touch.

20:10 - Damn.. that would be so confusing to be in Optimus or Arcee’s position.

20:35 - where did Bee’s wings go??

20:41 - shoutout to the way Optimus is sitting. Half leaning, half sitting, looking very uncomfortable.

20:48 - ‘jUsT a MeSh WoUnD’ not just a mesh wound now, Ratchet,

20:57 - Optimus lookin out for Ratchet U^U

21:00 - Optimus smiling at Ratchet makes breathing a difficult task.

21:27 - Optimus and Ratchet look at each other, then back at Miko and Bulk.

And that was my comments on Scrapheap. An episode more messed up when you break it down.

Lemme know if you thought differently/disagree with my points/have more to add.

I like hearing other peoples perspectives.

Also, This was my review of Episode 6:

[cosmixbun]

my favorite moments from the owl house finale OBVIOUS SPOILERS DUH (timestaps + thoughts)

EVERYTHING IS IN TIMESTAMPS IN RELATION TO THE YOUTUBE VIDEO EPISODE AND NOT THE DISNEY+ EPISODE (they might be the same but it's 2:45 am (now 3:36 am as i publish this) and the disney+ ep isn't out yet lol)

4:50- i love hunter so much he's just like me and when i saw this i think my heart killed itself oh my god.

6:36- i love him, that's it i love him every time he's on screen i get so excited he's literally me, i am him

11:14- i cannot get over how much i love this design ??? i also love raine, ik that they r literally possessed rn (it's one of my favorite tropes omg i just cant they did the belos possession with my two favorite characters in this show)

15:50- i love raine SO MUCH i literally do not care that i keep saying this i just love raine. and the sterness of them saying get out to belos ??? ur literally my fav pls.

21:37- GAHHHHH THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE ???? i love seeing monster animated ESPECIALLY big ones with little details omg i wanna redraw this version of belos so bad.

21:44- MY FAVORITE SHOT ??? i live for skull shots.

22:58-die. die. die luz why would u do this and rip my heart out and step on it i cant

24:14- die. die. die. i started sobbing i hate watching other peoples reactions to emotional moments, it makes me cry more. AND CAMILA CRYING EVEN THO SHE'S STILL A PUPPET ?? death. im being buried alive actually.

24:54- THESE CLOSE UPS. KILLED. ME. the very slight detail to the lines is all it did for me, i literally wanted to rip my eyes out and watch these close up again.

25:14- KING ???? OH MY GOD ???? sorry i just love this little guy and seeing him angry is just so good i love it.

25:19- MY WIFE ????? get angry again pls omg i love u sm her losing control is also another one of my favorite tropes to exist ever.

29:59- omg dana im kissing the ground u walk on for this. i LOVE DETAILED MONSTERS OH MY GOD ???? dana u genius you.

31:40- THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND GRIEF OR DEATH :((((( so u want me to die, so u want me dead, so u want me to cry

32:15- GRAAAAHHHHH THIS ENTERANCE ???? I LOVE LUZ SM THIS IS SUCH A LUZ MOMENT.

34:13- I LOVE ANIMATION OH MY GOD I JUST ASDFJOEIAGJEORHGIERJROFJIER HG9ERAHIU. thank you animation, for existing.

37:10- STOP I LOVE THIS. ILY RAINE. AND THE LITTLE EDA AND RAINE MOMENT ??? stop i NEED them to kiss rn, rnrnrnrnrnrn.

38:02- THIS. FUCKING. FIGHT. "how anime can we get the entire scene." AND THEN BLEW IT TO 300000X MORE.

38:33- THE CALL BACK AFJAOGFJIHSAODFJSDFN i died actually, i cannot belive this. i think someone called it and im kissing their brain rn oh my god this is just so luz and then instead of LUZURA SHE SAYS LUZ, SHE GREW INTO HERSELF HERE.

38:55- MY FAVORITE LUZ MOMENT EVER OMG THIS IS SO LUZ OMG I LOVE THE ANIMATION AND THE PRESENTAION OF THE VOICE AND THEN JUST GAH I LOVE.

41:17- "bitch please." god i loved this moment. luz could literally give less of a damn. i loved belos as a villain and just this is so satisfying to luz and to the clawthore's.

44:13- HUNTER I LOVE YOU OMG PLS U CAN BE HAPPY NOW.

44:22- he's just like me fr, ik he got that pizzazz to him too, just look at him.

45:42- EDA AND RAINE NEST ?!?!?!? crying sobbing throwing up, oh my god when is it my turn to be happy.

46:08- CAMILA AND EDA MOMENT. :'( i shed a tear i loved this moment even if it was really tiny.

46:20- HOOTY AND LILY ADIFHASDIFHASIFI god i love lilith sm

46:42- OMG KILL ME AND KISS ALREADY PLS crying i love them sm

47:00- EDA AND RAINE PLS I LOVE YOU I CANT EVEN. (also didn't mention it before but raine's scars ??? <333333 def just like me) ((where is my eda pls i want to be like them))

48:03- OLDER LUZ AND THE PICTURES FSDKFSJDOFJASIF OLDER VEE ???? cried, im graduating this year and to see the graduation picture and luz going to college is so me and i just :((

48:25- AAAAA OLDER LUZ !!!! i love this design sm i see nothing wrong tbh AND THE FLAPJACK TAT OMG :((((

49:13- SOBBING WILLOW LOOKS SO CUTE OMG

49:25- MY BOY KFJAFJDFJ HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE CALEB I WAS SO SHOCKED FJASDFHA AND THEN THE TALISMAN BUSINESS SIGN IS FLAPJACK AND HE ALSO HAS A TATTOO AND NO MORE EYE BAGS AND I JUST :DDDDD HIS DESIGN IS SO GOOD IT SUITS HIM SO WELL AND I JUST :D. my boy is all grown up :(

49:34- stop i love the animation and them sm omg i cant (im not a huge huntlow shipper, i can see it but i like them as friends too)

50:08- OLDER LILITH OMG MY OTHER WIFE she so cute she is also just like me (she has pizzazz bc i have pizzazz and i think all characters i like have it too bc they r just like me)

50:20- i love older amity AND HER MENTOR IS LILITH WHICH IS SO CUTE :(( god i love them sm

50:27- HARPY LILITH MY BELOVED OMG I JUST CANT UR SO JFASDFHOAJO

51:10- i need these two to kiss so bad it's not even funny oh my god fanfic writers pls GET ON THIS. i love both of these guys so much

51:15- OLDER RAINE DFJAISDFIASDHF OIADJFOSADFH OASJF sorry i died their suit is so ???? gah i love them i just cant contain myself i love them.

52:10- GUSSSSSS !!!! finally a hair change babes it looks so good. and the boiling ises and the human realm exchange program !!! gah i love gus

52:16- WIFEY MOMENT OMG HIIII whoever gave the idea for a hook is getting kisses from me oh my GOD. she is so <33333

52:30- KING !!!! he's growing into himself i love it :D

52:48- sobbing they all look so good i cant even tell u how much i love them all

53:00- THIS. this kiss means so much to me it's so like authentic ??? of course the other ones are too but something about this one being so casual, like theres no threat and they just saw eachother, it's a kiss for just being there, in the moment.

53:19- crying, shaking, screaming, crying, this pan is so cute i cant even

54:46- this. is how u end a show. omg i just, wow

[dutyworn]

Wren full playthrough part 1.

General disclaimer: This is not meant to be a 1:1 to my roleplay portrayal, even if it can be used as a reference for choices and just as a general "people can watch this if they are interested/wanna know Wren/the game more" fun thing. In gameplay, I tend to exhaust dialogue options; for a lot of asking questions, Wren actually would already be aware of the answers so sometimes it's more about wanting to show the dialogue (for people not familiar with the game) and gaining XP, other times (mostly when conversing with people about their personal experiences) she asks about things she is aware of because she wants the story from the person themselves, and to show care. Also, gaming dynamics obviously have their limits. I record everything. I edit out reduntant getting lost on the map (happens a lot more you'd expect), repeat dialogue, and/or speed through leveling up, modding equipment, etc. If I am reading something while playing, I keep the text in my edits for long enough for me to be able to read (I'm a slow reader). Stuff less relevant to the story, such as planet descriptions, I keep in the video but only very briefly so that the information is there and readable if the video is paused. I mainly record for my own reference/screencapping etc. purposes. That's why there also are no subtitles, though I will record clips I specifically want to share with subtitles on. You may use my videos freely for anything you wish, such as screencapping your muse if you play someone from the games etc. I play with a galore of mods! Here's my list of mods I currently use in this playthrough for the first game. I always include timestamps if you want to watch, but want to skip some parts.

OKK LOL, I will normally place all that under a readmore for future uploads but I needed to word it.

General notes for this video: I keep opening the journal (mission/quest menu) every time I see it update to read/let viewers read. I stopped doing this at some point in the future because I feel it breaks immersion and is reduntant. I also am not speeding through squad screen and equipment stuff here, yet - I started editing those to be mostly 8x speed later on or even omitting some equipment micromanaging altogether (I got really annoyed at myself when editing the Rogue VI mission for my jumping to micromanage every fucking equipment but that's still several videos away). If you open the video on Youtube it has clickable timestamps.

Highlights and timestamps for this video:

00:00 Character creation menu. No actual character creation included, I basically copy and paste a code I create off-screen.

01:56 Prologue. See vanilla version of Wren! Because this was recorded before the community patch mod updated to where you can now edit a save from before the start of the prologue, wow. I had no way of going to save editor and do the correct headmorph until the first save point. Will likely re-shoot this scene later with proper headmorph and subtitles. But enjoy vanilla Wren :D

06:04 Vanilla Wren magically transforms into modded Wren with my head morph edits.

06:15 Chat with Pressly.

08:52 Chat with Chakwas and Jenkins.

12:35 First look at squad screen.

13:05 Chat with Nihlus and Anderson.

18:32 Transmission from Eden Prime.

20:12 Arriving on Eden Prime.

21:15 Squad screen adventures, talent points for Kaidan and, yes, Jenkins lol.

21:55 Roaming around Eden Prime. Jenkins death, etc.

27:22 Recruiting Ashley. Havu's gameplay reflects the least professional combat skills ever. Idek if it was there but both drawing out the Big GunsTM when all the geth are already beaten and motherfucking why is it so hard in the first game to get Shep to take cover?! XD

31:13 Talent points for Ash, equipment upgrades. Editing Havu at gameplay Havu: WHY ARE YOU MODDING ASHLEY'S SHOTGUN AND NOT HER ASSAULT RIFLE?????

33:25 Back to gameplay.

35:10 Leveling up Wren, Kaidan and Ash.

36:18 The dig site.

38:06 The camp. Annoying husks being annoyingly slow to kill, chat with the people in the shed, etc.

[jayconner-raisingprivatemoney]

From Health Care Service To Successful Raw Land Investing | Mason McDonald & Jay Conner

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During this period, he has been able to implement successful systems, software, and teams that have allowed his company to generate over $1,000,000 in revenue in the past year.

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Beyond Mason’s personal business, he is a partner in Ground Up Partners, a company that partners with land flippers to provide expertise and capital to complete land transactions. Mason also co-hosts the podcast, The Big Picture Blueprint.

Timestamps:

00:01 - Raising Private Money Without Asking For It

05:46 - Financial success in investing requires a stable income.

06:36 - Starting a new business is challenging.

10:31 - Avoids capital gains tax through the dealership loop.

12:54 - Discovering private money, is a blessing in disguise.

17:32 - Podcast conversations lead to successful investment opportunities.

20:11 - Coaching, consulting, land deals, and joint ventures are mentioned.

21:26 - Connect with Mason McDonald: https://www.MasonRMcDonald.com LinkedIn:   / mason-mcdonald-748110113  

22:46 - Business targets growing US markets using data analysis.

27:48 - Land is less competitive than single-family houses.

30:32 - Calculate the cost of capital and assess profitability.

34:03 - Took risks, built a business, and offered quick sales.

35:44 - Jay Conner’s Free Money Guide: https://www.JayConner.com/MoneyGuide

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[logos-of-experience-and-truth]

Episode 17 - Dissolution Experience and the End of the New Age

The Dissolution of the Experience and Idea of Self-Divinity The Near-Death Experience of punishment explained in episodes one and two of this season can be entirely attributed to drug use. The dissolution experience explained in this episode cannot. If there is an experience that I’ve had that most clearly shows that there is some ground to the many and varied versions of occult, esoteric and new age teachings of how thoughts manifest reality, this is the experience, though not in the I won the lottery type riding into the sunset experience, but in the God sent me to Hell for an instant of time manner as punishment and there weren’t any drugs used to take me there. Be careful what you wish for as taught in several of the ancient myths and be careful what you read and most importantly believe, especially as it pertains to spiritual and invisible things, especially if it has to do with calling yourself divine. I hope by listening to or reading my example of numbskullery that you will avoid such trap doors into the inner pits of hell as I found myself in on this day, long ago. Click link for Transcript. Timestamps: - The immediacy of this experience is what has terrified me (01:25)- How did this experience come about even after meditating and studying spiritual materials? (02:29) - Warning to the student to be wary of teachings that seem just a bit off (03:05) - Primary teaching that led me astray (04:13) - Theory of drug use and the mystical aspects of the Bible (05:57) - Piercing through via drug use is as Jesus states the robbers (07:00) - There are different rules for those that have seen and experienced, even if through drug use, versus the normal believer (08:51) - My attempt at describing what I thought of as self-divinity back when this experience occurred stemming from Jesus saying that we are like the gods (10:29) - Jesus teaches this only after he’s been tempted in the desert (12:35) - Diving deeper with a brief intonation of the Books of Enoch and what it says iss the reason for the Flood (13:25) - Some Old Testament stuff to talk about the belief level in spiritual powers in the ancient world and that they have still been passed on today (15:04) - My understanding of the modern idea of self-divinity and the pervasiveness of humans being called gods among the various traditions (16:20) - Contrasting the various polarities of this idea (18:27) - Describing how these types of teachings and thoughts brought about my downfall (19:26) - The subtle shift and change in my mental ideas mentioned earlier (21:15) - This experience occurred end of winter and beginning of spring much like the other experiences I’ve spoken of (23:19) - The Dissolution Experience begins (25:10) - Comparison to sleep paralysis, but instead, it’s thought paralysis (27:58) - As I fight the experience, a voice of chastisement responds (29:13) - The chastising voice speaks again (31:23) - Timeless and eternal moment of actual hellish punishment (33:16) - This experience dissolved away the idea or notion of self-divinity (36:10) - Explanation of this experience as a removal of the sensation of gravity (36:35) - Religious and scientific concepts merging within my mind (38:08) - Mythological understanding of this experience 13 years later revealed through a synchronous event while commuting to work (38:29)

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[the-green-maiden]

Supernatural Fair Fight Livestream Recap with timestamps

(based off of the notes I took while watching live. any errors are mine and not the fault of the cast or abrams)

21:01 Panel Starts. Misha introduces panel- Stacey Abrams, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padelecki, Erik Kripke, Berto the ASL interpreter.

21:02 Stacey Abrams talks about how she got into SPN. Talks about running for governor(?) in California(?), having trouble gathering support/campaign funds. On a particularly bad day, ends up watching SPN in her hotel room. Loves it, ends up watching the whole show after this. Quotes “Even if it’s hard we can’t stop” and “who else is going to do this” and talks about keeping going.

21:05 Kripke: “Wow”

Ackles: “That’s one of the most beautiful interpretations of what we do, how we tell the story.”

21:06 Kripke: “Grateful we could provide inspiration” 

21:07 JarPad: *reiterates above* joke about how “Kripke’s writing is questionable at best.”

21:08 Misha: “The reason we tell stories is to inspire people” creates an allegory about the ‘invisible enemy’ of voter suppression with the invisible enemy trope common in storytelling. “As we made the show, we were taking inspiration from [Abrams]”

21:09 Kripke asks Abrams to tell more about Fair Fight

21:09 Abrams talks about a secretary of state(?) [whose name I didn’t catch but who JPad refers to as ‘Lucifer”] who was in charge of voter registries in Georgia who wrongfully removed thousands of voters from lists, closed essential polling locations, and prevented people from voting, which disproportionately impacted POC and youth voters, and led to 8+ hour wait times in remaining locations. Abrams tells of how her and FF acted to fix this and change the whole system for the better. “If this becomes about politicians, no one is going to care, but when it becomes about people’s [list of basic rights and essential services]...” “...Patriotic belief that democracy means that if you’re eligible to vote, you get to be heard. Fair Fight is committed to ensuring that every voter in the US has the right to vote, and we are pretty good at it.”

21:16 Misha voices concerns about Trump’s attempts to make the 2020 vote counts seem unreliable.

21:17 Abrams gives an in-depth history of voter suppression in the US, committed by both parties at various times, including restrictions on mail-in votes, ID laws, and something about the voting rights act.

21:18 A bunch more panelists join in, including Jake Abel, Felicia Day, and a number of other SPN cast members.

21:19 Abrams says that in Texas a gun license is a valid id to vote, but a college id is not. “Everyone should get to participate, not just the chosen.” Mentions that she has not seen the final 3 episodes yet, request no spoilers until she logs out.

21:22 Kripke thanks Abrams for her political work.

21:22 Felicia Day says she was very excited to meet Abrams at Dragon Con.

21:33 Misha and Kripke try to move panel along to comply with Abrams limited time availability.

21:24 Rachel Miner “We all admire you [Abrams], you’re our hero.”

21:25 JPad gives a long speech thanking Abrams that was too fast to write down verbatim. “It’s important that everyone have their own voice” says it’s an honor to meet Abrams.

21:26 Bob Singer asks a question about Purdue(?) not showing up to a debate.

21:27 Abrams gives a detailed answer about swing states, swing voters, the lack of swing voters in Georgia, and the relatively small impact that Purdue(?) missing a debate would have on his numbers. Long speech about mail-in voting.

21:29 Sebastian Roche asks a question about run-off votes. Abrams answers.

21:30 Rachel Miner asks a question about voter registration descrimination against people w foreign names.

21:31 Abrams talks about how this has happened and what Fair Fight is doing to combat it, and how Fair Fight’s legal actions have managed to significantly reduce the amount of mail-in ballots thrown out for having difficult to understand names on them.

21:33 Shoshanna Stern thanks Abrams for her efforts in making voting more disability accessible.

21:34 Abrams answers, gives more info on the subject and the importance of having accessible voting locations.

21:36 Jim Beaver says it’s wonderful to be able to talk to Abrams, etc.

21:37 Abrams realizes her time has just about run out, and says thank yous and good byes. Mentions that tomorrow is her birthday. Multiple members of the cast wish her a happy birthday. More goodbyes from everyone, and thank yous to and from Abrams. Abrams exits call.

21:39 Kripke and Misha encourage people to donate to FF

21:41 Misha and Jensen rib each other, joke about an open bar.

21:41 Misha “Now we’re just going to waste your time for half an hour now that she’s gone”

21:42 Curtis Armstrong tells a short story about his mother, who was a voter activist in Detroit and Switzerland, and how nice it was to see Abrams talk.

21:43 Trivia intro. Multiple jokes made at the same time about state capitals.

21:44 Jim Beaver “When my kid was 7, I asked her the capital of Vermont and she said V”

21:44 Kripke asks semi-serious question about what JPad wore as protection in the ball-crusher Japanese game show scene in Changing Channels.

21:45 JPad “A thimble. A mini-thimble. No, a cup.” says something else about the cup.

21:46 Ackles “Our special effects team likes to go above and beyond”

21:46 JPad comments about real fear in that scene

21:46 Misha tries to get trivia back on track. “Without powers, what does Dean say Cas is?”

------[Baby in a trenchcoat]

“Other name of the Impala?”

Julie McNiven guesses “A special place”. Someone calls out “baby”

-----[Metallicar]

“Name of Sam and Jess’s friend who goes with them to the bar in the pilot?”

Even JPad, who was in the scene, does not know. Kripke comments that it was named after an irl friend of his from Tiuanna, named LUIS.

“5 works Kripke ripped off for SPN?”

Everyone guessing at once, including: Animal House, On The Road, Good Omens, Constantine, Star Wars, and several others.

“What herpes medication does Sam have to do a commercial for?”

[Herpexia]

21:52 JPad and Julie rib each other about herpes meds, and argue whether the term is prescription or subscription for medication. One of them brings up the example of having a subscription to dog food.

21:52 Jake Abel “What if your dog has herpes?”

Misha “I only hope that Stacey Abrams has tuned in”

Seb makes another joke about state capitals, then asks JPad the capital of Albania.

Jared has no idea, guesses ‘new albania’

Seb “Tirana” talks about having lived on a boat, presumably near Albania.

Rob Benedict: “Thanks for tuning in”

Bob Singer asks who knows the story of Seb getting a massage at VAncouver airport.

Jared (paraphrased) “We all fly through Vancouver airport a lot. Just past security there’s a massage place [with the chairs where you face the floor].” One day JPad and Ackles went through security and saw Seb getting a massage. They go over, convince the masseuse [who knows them all at this point] to let JPad take over. Seb does not notice, despite the fact that the masseuse is a small woman and JPad is holding his hands weird to try to make them smaller. JPad says he put his hands down Seb’s back and up his shirt, and Seb still did not notice, just making a noise and saying ‘very nice’. JPad gets as far as groping Seb’s ass before Seb notices anything is up. This is still the middle of a busy airport.

21:58 Seb “It was strangely sensual. Thank you, Robert, for bringing that up.” “I was perturbed for the whole flight back.”

Ackles “Another highbrow story”

Seb “It’s really fun being on that set. It really is” Claims they are also serious sometimes, to which there is laughter in response.

Ackles “It going to be like that on The Boys, Krip?”

Kripke “No massages to completion”

Seb “Wait there was no completion”

Krip “Saw photos of [Ackles’s] supersuit today”

Multiple jokes from several people about Ackle costume for The Boys being assless, crotchless, entirely made of paint, and cowboy-themed.

22:01 Misha “time for about 5 minutes of outtakes”

Someone jokes about adding ‘give Seb a massage’ as a donation tier.

Misha thanks the fans, says he loves and misses all the cast. Asks Rob B to sing.

22:02 Rob B “tune into my radio show” [for singing]

22:03 Misha announced that $225,000 has been raised for charity so far in the stream.

More thank yous from everyone to everyone, including the zoom team.

22:04 Seb “Vote out Mitch McConnel:

Jensen “Such as British accent to tell us who to vote for”

Seb “I’m half French half Scottish”

Jensen and Seb joke about scottish and french alcohols, and how they can’t be mixed.

22:05 Kripke thanks the fans for 15 years. Everyone else joins in on thanking fans for 15 years.

Jake Abel “There was a big gap in there for me somewhere”

Seb asks if Jake was in the first season.

22:06 Jake “3rd, 5, and 15”

Seb gives long thank you speech.

Jensen talks about how the cast is sticking together “This group is not being dispersed”...”I take comfort in knowing this” jokes that they’re stuck together whether they like it or not.

Misha “Like herpes”

Felicia “Genital or otherwise”

22:07 gag reel begins, including Misha’s ‘on-camera finger, Jensen falling off a chair “furniture could use some work”, Jensen failing to pick a lock for a very long time and Jared asking ‘Cas” to open it, Jensen saying ‘hail misha’ instead of ‘hail mary’, Misha failing to keep a straight face while looking at Alex Calvert, Jensen eating something too hot(?), and more that someone has probably already uploaded in full anyway.

21:13 stream ends.

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season two

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! my favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season one.

1. IN MY TIME OF DYING

Dean—

I’ve done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I’ve given everything I’ve ever had. Now you’re just gonna sit there and you’re gonna watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you? (11:14)

So you’re okay with dying? [Tessa: No, of course not. I just think, whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen. It’s out of my control. It’s just...fate.] Hm. That’s crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die, or you can keep fighting no matter what. (18:48)

There’s no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground, and my family is gonna die. (30:38)

[John: You know, when, uh...when you were a kid, I’d come home from a hunt, and after what I’d seen, I’d be...I’d be wrecked. And you...you’d come up to me, and you’d put your hand on my shoulder, and you’d look me in the eye, and you’d...you’d say, “It’s okay, Dad.” Dean, I’m sorry.] Why? [You shouldn’t have had to say that to me, I should’ve been saying that to you. You know, I put...I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn’t complain, not once.] (37:27)

Sam—

How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself. It's the same selfish obsession! (13:17)

I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't...you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. (28:36)

Misc—

Tessa: You'll stay here for years—disembodied, scared. And over the decades, it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent. [Dean: What are you saying?] Dean, how do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go, and they can't move on. And you're about to become one: the same thing you hunt. (31:15)

Azazel: If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them. (32:15)

2. EVERYBODY LOVES A CLOWN

Dean—

[Ellen: I’m so sorry.] It’s okay. We’re alright. [Really. I know how close you and your dad—] Really, lady, I’m fine. (11:37)

[Sam: You ever notice Dad had a falling-out with just about everybody? Don’t get all maudlin on me, man.] What do you mean? [I mean this strong, silent thing of yours. It’s crap, I’m over it.] Oh my God. [This isn’t just anyone we’re talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.] You know what? Back off, alright? Just because I’m not caring and sharing like you want me to— [No no no, that’s not what this is about, Dean. I don’t care how you deal with this, but you have to deal with it, man! Listen, I’m your brother, alright? I just wanna make sure you’re okay.] Dude, I’m okay! I’m okay, okay? I swear, the next person who asks me if I’m okay, I’m gonna start throwing punches. These are your issues. Quit dumping them on me. [What are you talking about?] I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life slugging it out with that man. I mean, hell, you—you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late. [Why are you saying this to me?] Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealing with Dad’s death! Are you? (29:48)

Sam—

[Dean: This case was your idea. By the way, why is that? You were awfully quick to jump on this job.] So? [It's just not like you, that's all. I thought you were hell-bent for leather on the demon hunt.] I don't know, I just think taking this job, it's what Dad would have wanted us to do. (16:57)

[Mr. Cooper: You see, this place is a refuge for outcasts, always has been, for folks that don't fit in nowhere else. But you two...you should go to school, find a couple of girls, have 2.5 kids. Live regular.] Sir, we don't want to go school, and we don't want regular. We want this. (22:34)

[Dean: I thought that once the demon was dead and the fat lady sings that you were gonna take off, head back to wussy state.] I'm having second thoughts. [Really?] Yeah. I think Dad would have wanted me to stick with the job. [Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted? You spent half your life doing what he didn't want, Sam.] Since he died, okay? You have a problem with that? (23:27)

I'm sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it is too little. It's too late. I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. And I'm not all right, not at all. But neither are you. That much I know. (39:04)

3. BLOODLUST

Dean—

So I picked up this crossbow, and I hit that ugly sucker—silver-tipped arrow, right in his heart. Sammy’s waiting in the car, and me and my dad take the thing into the woods, burn it to a crisp. I’m sitting there, and I’m looking into the fire, I’m thinking to myself, “I’m 16 years old. Kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates. I’m seeing things that they’ll never even know, never even dream of.” So right then, I just sort of.... [Gordon: Embraced the life?] Yeah. (16:16)

You’re always saying to yourself, “He’s indestructible. He’ll always be around. Nothing can kill my dad.” And just like that, he’s gone. I can’t talk about this to Sammy. No, I got to keep my game face on. But, uh...truth is, I’m not handling it very well. I feel like I have this— [Gordon: Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me, there’s plenty out there needs killing, and this will help you do it. Dean, it’s not a crime to need your job.] (18:32)

[Gordon: It’s all black-and-white. There’s no maybe. You find the bad thing, kill it. See, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. Is this right? Is that wrong? Not us.] Not sure Sammy would agree with you, but, uh. [Doesn’t seem like your brother’s much like us. I’m not saying he’s wrong, just different. You and me, we were born to do this. It’s in our blood.] (20:22)

[Sam: You know what? You slap on this big smile, but I can see right through it, ‘cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill up that hole with whoever you want to.] (27:47)

[Gordon: You’re not like your brother. You’re a killer, like me.] (37:08)

I wish we never took this job. It just jacked everything up. [Sam: What do you mean?] Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives. [Okay.] What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing. You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us. [Dean, after what happened to Mom...Dad did the best he could.] I know he did. But maybe he wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things—and man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill, I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it. [You didn’t kill Lenore.] No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill them all. (40:20)

Sam—

[Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy!] He's the only one that gets to call me that. (15:05)

4. CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS

Dean—

Going to visit Mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire. [Sam: She has a headstone.] Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we’ve never even met. So you wanna go pay resects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on. [Dean, that’s not the point.] Well, them enlighten me, Sam. [It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do.] It’s irrational, is what it is. [Look, man, no one asked you to come.] Why don’t we swing by the roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son-of-a-bitch down. [That’s a good idea! You should! Just drop me off, I’ll hitch a ride, and I’ll meet you there tomorrow.] Right. Stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No thanks. (02:48)

[Sam: Look, maybe you’re imagining a hunt where there isn’t one, so you don’t have to think about Mom, or Dad. You wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it’ll make you feel better.] I don’t need this crap. [Dean, where are you going?] I’m gonna go get a drink. Alone. (09:59)

Look, I get it. Okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again, but what gives you the right? [Sam: Dean.] [Dr. Mason: What are you talking about?] What’s dead should stay dead! (20:51)

[Sam: Dean, I don’t scare easy, but, man, you’re scaring the crap out of me.] Don’t be overdramatic, Sam. [You’re lucky this turned out to be a real case, ‘cause if it wasn’t, you would’ve just found something else to kill. You’re on edge, you’re erratic, except for when you’re hunting, ‘cause then you’re downright scary. You’re tailspinning, man! And you refuse to talk about it, and you won’t let me help you.] I can take care of myself, thanks. [No, you can’t! And you know what? You’re the only one who thinks you should have to. You don’t have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can.] (21:44)

I’m sorry. [Sam: For what?] The way I’ve been acting. And for Dad. Well, he was your dad, too. It’s my fault that he’s gone. [What are you talking about?] I know you’ve been thinking it. So have I. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I had a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, Dad’s dead and the Colt’s gone. [Dean....] You can’t tell me there’s not a connection there. I don’t know how the demon was involved, I don’t know how the whole thing went down exactly, but Dad’s dead because of me, and that much I do know. [We don’t know that, not for sure.] Sam, you and Dad, you’re the most important people in my life. And now...I never should’ve come back, Sam, it wasn’t natural, and now look what’s come of it. I was dead, and I should’ve stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright? (38:56)

Sam—

[Dean: Going to visit Mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.] She has a headstone. [Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we've never even met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on.] Dean, that's not the point. [Well, then, enlighten me, Sam.] It's not about a body or a casket. It's about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do. (02:48)

You're tailspinning, man. And you refuse to talk about it, and you won't let me help you. [Dean: I can take care of myself, thanks.] No, you can't! And you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to. You don't have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can. [Sam, if you bring up Dad's death one more time, I swear—] Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad. We lost Mom. I've lost Jessica. And now I'm gonna lose you, too? (21:44)

5. SIMON SAID

Dean—

You know, one day I’d love to just sit down and eat something that I didn’t have to microwave at a minimart. (18:03)

[Sam: You know, I heard you before, Dean, when Andy made you tell the truth. You’re just as scared of this as I am.] That was mind control! It’s like—it’s like being roofied, man. That doesn’t count. [What?] No, I—I’m calling do-over. [What are you, 7?] Doesn’t matter. Look, we just gotta keep doing what we’re doing, find that evil son of a bitch and kill it. (36:06)

Sam—

[Dean: There's gonna be hunters there. I don't know if—if going in and announcing that you're some supernatural freak with a demonic connection is the best thing, okay?] So I'm a freak now? [You've always been a freak.] (04:14)

Demon came to them when they were kids. Now they're killing people. [Dean: We don't know what Andrew Gallagher is, okay? Could be innocent.] My visions haven't been wrong yet! [What's your point?] My point is, I'm one of them. [No, you're not.] Dean, the demon said he had plans for me and children like me. [Yeah?] Yeah, maybe this is his plan. Maybe we're all a bunch of psychic freaks. Maybe we're all supposed to be— [Killers?] Yeah. [So the demon wants you out there, killing with your minds, is that it? Oh, give me a break. You're not a murderer, Sam! You don't have it in your bones!] No? Last I checked, I kill all kinds of things. [Those things were asking for it. There's a difference.] (10:47)

Looks like I was right. [Dean: About what?] Andy. He's a killer after all. [No, he's a hero. He saved his girlfriend's life. He saved my life.] Bottom line, last night he wasted somebody. [Yeah, but he's not a foaming-at-the-mouth psycho. He was just—he was pushed into that.] Webber was pushed, too, in his own way. Max Miller was pushed. Hell, I was pushed by Jessica's death. [What's your point, Sam?] Right circumstances, everyone is capable of murder. Everyone. (35:28)

6. NO EXIT

Dean—

[Jo: You know, I’ve had it up to here with your crap.] Excuse me? [Your chauvinist crap. You think women can’t do the job.] Sweetheart, this ain’t gender studies. Women can do the job fine. Amateurs can’t. You got no experience! What you do have is a bunch of half-baked romantic notions that some barfly has put in your head. [And now you sound like my mother.] Oh, and that’s a bad thing? (09:56)

Jo, you got options. No on in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young. I wish I could do something else. [Jo: You love the job.] Yeah, but I’m a little twisted. [You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?] Jo, you got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later. (10:24)

[Jo: What do you remember about your dad? I mean, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Come on, tell me.] I was 6 or 7, and uh...he took me shooting for the first time. Bottles on a fence—that kind of things. I bull’s-eyed every one of them. And he would smile, like...I don’t know. [He must have been proud.] (16:13)

Sam—

Is this job as glamorous as you thought it would be? [Jo: Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah. But that Theresa girl’s gonna live a life ‘cause of us. It’s worth it, isn’t it?] Yeah. Yeah, it is. (36:00)

Misc—

Ellen: I am your mother! I don't have to be reasonable! (03:06)

7. THE USUAL SUSPECTS

Dean—

My name is Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. (21:59)

[Sam: Nice lady.] Yeah, for a cop. (41:19)

Sam—

[Diana: Then about a year ago, there was a fire in your apartment. One fatality—Jessica Moore, your girlfriend. After she died, you fell off the grid—left behind everything.] I needed some time off...to deal. So I’m taking a road trip with my brother. (03:49)

[Dean: What do you think, Scully?] I’m not Scully, you’re Scully. [No, I’m Mulder. You’re a red-headed woman.] (06:35)

8. CROSSROAD BLUES

Dean—

[Sam: We got to find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.] Great. So we got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.” [So what, we should just leave them to die?] Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in to try to save them? [Dean.] Alright. Fine. (14:44)

[Demon: You’d sacrifice your life for someone else’s. Like father, like son. (29:01) 

[Demon: I’m not gonna put you out of your misery.] Yeah? Why not? [’Cause your misery is the whole point. It’s too much to watch. Knowing how your daddy died for you, how he sold his soul—I mean, that’s got to hurt. He’s all you ever think about. You wake up and your first thought is, “I can’t do this anymore.” You’re all lit up with pain. I mean, you loved him so much. And it’s all your fault. You blew it, Dean! I could’ve given you what you need.] What do I need? [Your father.] (30:36)

How could he do it? [Sam: He did it for you.] Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? (38:14)

Sam—

How many people do you think Dad saved total? [Dean: That's not the point, Sam.] Evan Hudson is safe because of what Dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man, so we got to keep going. For him. (38:48)

Misc—

George: Listen, I get that you boys want to help, but sometimes a person makes their bed and they just got to lie down in it. (17:38)

9. CROATOAN

Dean—

Hey, look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that. [Sam: It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point.] What does that buy us? [A clear conscience, for one.] Well, it's too late for that. [What the hell has happened to you?] What? [You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care. You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what, you're acting like one of those things out there.] (25:40)

[Sam: Go with them. This is your only chance.] Ah, you're not gonna get rid of me that easy. (31:17)

[Sam: Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you.] No—[No, you can keep going.] Who says I want to? [What?] I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life, this weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it. [So what, so you're just gonna give up? I mean, you're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know this stuff with Dad had—] You're wrong. It's not about Dad. I mean, part of it is, sure— [Then what is it about?] (32:54)

I just think we should take a break from all this. Why do we got to get stuck with all the responsibility, you know? Why can't we live life a little bit? [Why are you saying all this? No no no no no, Dean. You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.] I can't. I promised. [Who?] Dad. (39:23)

Sam—

[Dean: Hey, look, man, I'm not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that.] It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point. [What does that buy us?] A clear conscience, for one. (25:40)

You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit. (39:38)

10. HUNTED

Dean—

He said that he...wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you. [Sam: He told you that a million times.] Well, this time was different. He said that I had to...save you. [Save me from what?] He just said that I had to save you, and nothing else mattered and that if I couldn't, I'd.... [You'd what, Dean?] I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy. (04:10)

[Sam: How could you not have told me this?] Because it was Dad and he begged me not to. [Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!] You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he'd never opened his mouth. Then I wouldn't have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day! (05:05)

And you're pissed at me, and I get it. That's fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay? [Sam: Forget it.] Sam, please, man. Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay? I'm begging you here. Please, please. (06:12)

Come on, Ellen, please. Something bad could be going on here, and I swore I'd look after that kid. [Ellen: They say you can't protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that. What else is family for?] (17:27)

Come on, man. I know Sam, okay? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean, the guy feels guilty surfing the internet for porn. [Gordon: Maybe you're right, but one day, he's gonna be a monster.] How? Huh? How's a guy like Sam become a monster? [Beats me, but he will.] No, you don't know that! [I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this.] (29:15)

[Gordon: Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would've wrecked him, but your dad, if it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. So you're telling me, you're not the man he is?] (30:24)

Screw the job. Screw it, man. I'm sick of the job anyway. I mean, we don't get paid, we don't get thanked. The only thing we get's bad luck. [Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you're meant to do.] Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap. (39:00)

[Sam: You can't run from this, and you can't protect me.] I can try. (39:27)

Sam—

[Dean: He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.] Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? [I don't know.] I mean, he must've had some kind of reason for saying it, right? I mean, did he know the demon's plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark side or something? What else did he say, Dean? [That's it, I swear.] How could you not have told me this? [Because it was Dad and he begged me not to.] Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me! (04:46)

[Ellen: I wish I could blame the hell out of you boys. It'd be easier. Truth is, it's not your fault. Sam, none of it is.] (10:27)

[Gordon: You wouldn't shoot me, would you, Sammy? 'Cause your brother, he thinks you're some kind of saint.] Yeah, well, I wouldn't be so sure. (33:46)

[Gordon: You're no better than the filthy things you hunt.] *They tussle, Sam points a gun at him.* [Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.] It's Sam. (34:22)

I'm not gonna just ditch the job. (39:00)

[Dean: Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap.] You mean you don't believe in my destiny. [Whatever.] Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this, and you can't protect me. [I can try.] Thanks for that. Look, Dean, I'm gonna keep hunting. I mean, whatever's coming, I'm taking it head on, so if you really want to watch my back, then I guess you're gonna have to stick around. (39:13)

11. PLAYTHINGS

Dean—

[Sam: We gotta save as many people as we can.] Wow. That attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now, thank you. (05:16)

[Sam: I need you to watch out for me.] Yeah, I always do. [No no no no, you have to watch out for me, all right? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me.] Sam.... [Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to.] Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids. [No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies.] Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down. [No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise.] Don't ask that of me. (16:18)

[Sherwin: Well, would you be [happy], leaving the only home you ever knew?] I don't know. I never really knew one. (19:06)

Sam—

I told Ellen we'd think about checking it out. [Dean: You did?] Yeah. You seem surprised. [Yeah, it's just, you know. Not the patented Sam Winchester way, is it?] What way is that? [Just figured after Ava, there'd be, uh, you know, more angst and droopy music and staring out the rainy windows. I'll shut up now.] (04:27)

So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not gonna let other people die, either. We gotta save as many people as we can. (05:09)

That guy who hung himself...I couldn't save him. [Dean: What are you talking about? You didn't know. You couldn't have done anything.] That's an excuse, Dean. I should have found a way to save him. I should have saved Ava, too. [Yeah, well, you can't save everyone. Even you said that.] No, Dean, you don't understand, alright? The more people I save, the more I can change. [Change what?] My destiny, Dean. (15:46)

I need you to watch out for me. [Dean: Yeah, I always do.] No no no no, you have to watch out for me, alright? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me. [Dean: Sam....] Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to. [Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids.] No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies. [Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down.] No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise. [Don't ask that of me.] Dean, please. You have to promise me. [I promise.] Thanks. Thank you. (16:18)

12. NIGHTSHIFTER

Dean—

Freaking cops. [Sam: They were just doing their job.] No, they’re doing our job, only they don’t know it, so they suck at it. (03:36)

[Henriksen: I know about your dad.] You don't know crap about my dad. [Ex-Marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of wacko he was— white supremist, Timmy McVeigh, tomato, tomahto.] You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero. [Yeah, right. Sure sounds like it.] (31:18)

Sam—

[Dean: When you told that poor son of a bitch to—what did you say?—”remand” the tapes that he copied? “Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation”? That’s messed up.] What, are you pissed at me? [No, I just think it’s a little creepy how good of a Fed you are.] (08:51)

Better to stay in the dark and stay alive. (08:51)

13. HOUSES OF THE HOLY

Dean—

Odd, yes. Supernatural, maybe. But angels? I don't think so. [Sam: Why not?] 'Cause there's no such thing, Sam. [Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted.] Hey, you know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows outta their ass. [Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?] That's cute. I'm just saying, man, there's some legends that you just file under “bullcrap.” [And you got angels on the ”bullcrap” list.] Yep. [Why?] 'Cause I've never seen one. [So what?] So I believe in what I can see. [Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn't even dream about.] Exactly. With our own eyes—that's hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed that we would've crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? (06:17)

You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's—hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that. Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. [You never told me that.] What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power. There's no God. I mean, there's just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any? (23:09)

Sam—

[Dean: What's next? Are you gonna start praying everyday?] I do. [What?] I do pray every day. I have for a long time. (19:50)

I wanted to believe. So badly. It's so damn hard to do this, what we do, all alone, you know? There's so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up.... [Dean: Yeah, well, don't worry about that, alright? I'm watching out for you.] Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching, too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And maybe.... [Maybe what?] Maybe I could be saved. But, you know, that just clouded my judgement. And you're right. I mean, we got to go with what we know, with what we can see, with what's right there in front of our own two eyes. (37:54)

14. BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN

Dean—

[Meg!Sam: Then how the hell did I get here, Dean? What happened to me?] I don't know, all right? But you're...you're okay, and that's what matters. Everything else we can deal with. (02:51)

Sam, go wait in the car. [Meg!Sam: But, Dean—] Go wait in the car! (06:40)

What's going on with you, Sam, hm? 'Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people, I mean that sounds more like me than you. (07:51)

You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe. [Meg!Sam: I know.] I can't. I'd rather die. [No. You'll live.] (15:53)

[Meg!Sam: What the hell's wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you'd rather let Jo die?] (25:53)

This is my fight. I'm not getting your blood on my hands. That's just how it's gonna be. (31:28)

[Meg!Sam: Dean. Back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach. (34:13)

[Meg!Sam: All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow, like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your dad, and deep down, you know that you can't save your brother. They'd have been better off without you.] (37:21)

[Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.] It was the right move, Sam, it wasn't you. [Yeah, this time. What about next time?] Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you. (41:01)

Sam—

For the last few weeks, I've been having...I've been having these feelings. [Dean: What feelings?] Rage. Hate. And I can't stop it. It just gets worse. Day by day, it gets worse. [You never told me this.] I didn't want to scare you. (13:52)

[Dean: No one can control you but you.] Sure doesn't seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm—I'm just becoming— [What?] Who I'm meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean, I got to face up to who I am. (14:29)

I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you. [Dean: You won't. Whatever this is, you can fight it.] No. I can't. Not forever. (15:16)

My head feels like it's on fire, alright? (25:21)

Misc: 

Meg: Hell is like, uh...well, it's like hell. Even for demons. It's a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. (36:42)

15. TALL TALES

Dean—

[Bobby: Come on, now, you're bickering like an old married couple.] No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, uh, Siamese twins. [Sam: It's conjoined twins.] See what I mean? [Look, it...we've just been on the road for too long, tight quarters, all that.] (11:19) 

[Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.] What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around. [Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge?] What's wrong with my food? [It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism!] I like it. [And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff!] You done? [You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?] It'd be the last thing you ever did. (21:15)

Sam—

Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you. [What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around.] Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge? [What's wrong with my food?] It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism! [I like it.] And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff! (21:15)

16. ROADKILL

Dean—

You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house. (16:14)

Me? I don't like [spirits]. And I sure as hell ain't making apologies for 'em. (20:08)

[Molly: Oh, thank God.] Call me Dean. (28:46)

Sam—

Spirits like Greeley are, uh...like wounded animals. Lost, in so much pain, that they lash out. [Molly: Why? Why are they here?] Well, there's some part of them that...that's keeping them here, like their remains, or um...unfinished business. [Unfinished business....] Yeah, uh, could be revenge. Could be love. Or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped, caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over. [You sound almost sorry for them.] Well, they weren't evil people, you know? A lot of them were good, just...something happened to them. Something they couldn't control. (18:52)

[Dean: You think she's really going to a better place?] I hope so. [I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?] Doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point. (38:23)

17. HEART

Dean—

[Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?] I'm sorry, man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids. (04:39)

[Sam: You go. I'll stay.] Forget that. You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick. [Dude, why do you always get to hang out with the girls?] 'Cause I'm older. [No, screw that. We settle this the old-fashioned way.] *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* [Dean, always with the scissors!] Shut up, shut up. Two out of three. *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* God! [Bundle up out there, all right?] (11:11]

Sammy, I got this one. I'll do it. [Sam: She asked me to.] You don't have to. (38:56)

Sam—

I'm not putting a bullet through some girl's chest who has no idea what's happening. [Dean: Sam, she's a monster and you're feeling sorry for her?] Maybe I understand her. (21:26)

18. HOLLYWOOD BABYLON

Dean—

[Sam: You know, I thought you hated being a PA.] I don’t know, it’s not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know? It’s good. (19:22)

Hey, we got to go check out Johnny Ramone’s grave when we’re gone here. [Sam: You want to go dig him up, too?] Bite your tongue, heathen! (23:25)

[Marty: He wrote a wackjob screenplay. There’s no pace, there’s no love interest. It’s all wackadoo exposition. I had to cut, like, 90 percent of it to make it readable, another 10 percent to make it good.] ...Should have kept Walter’s original script. It’s actually pretty good. (31:15)

Sam—

[Dean: I just figured that, you know, after everything that happened with Madison, you could use a little R&R, that’s all.] Maybe I want to work, Dean. Maybe it keeps my mind off things. (05:38)

19. FOLSOM PRISON BLUES

Dean—

Innocent people are dead—four, so far. [Sam: Yeah, innocent.] What, are you from Texas all of a sudden? Just 'cause these people are in jail doesn't mean they deserve to die. And if we don't stop this thing, people are gonna continue to die. We do the job wherever it takes us. (11:30)

[Sam: You're doing this for Deacon?] Damn right. [We barely even know the guy.] We know he was in the Corps with Dad. We know he saved Dad's life. We know we owe him. [Yeah, all right, but don't you think he's asking a little much?] Doesn't matter. We may not be saints, but we're loyal and we pay our debts. Now, that means something to me, and it ought to to you. (11:47)

[Sam: Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?] No, not really. (28:07)

Sam—

I hate this plan, Dean. [Dean: yeah, I got that the first ten times I heard it.] (05:12)

This is, without a doubt, the dumbest, craziest thing we’ve ever done, and that’s in a long, storied career of dumb and crazy. (10:58)

20. WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE

Dean—

When I was a kid, what did you always tell me when you put me to bed? [Mary: Dean, I don't understand—] Just answer the question. [I told you angels were watching over you.] (07:05)

Who'd have thought, Baby? We're civilians. (11:42)

That lawn looks like it could use some mowing. [Mary: You want to mow the lawn?] You kidding me? I'd love to mow the lawn. [Knock yourself out. You'd think you've never mowed a lawn in your life.] (13:08)

[Sam: I mean this whole warm, fuzzy, ecstasy-trip thing.] I'm just happy for you, Sammy. [Yeah, right. That's another thing. Since when do you call me “Sammy?” Dean, come on. We don't talk outside of holidays.] We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother. [”You're my brother?”] Yeah! [You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nave.] Who? [My prom date, on prom night.] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me. Well, hey, man, I'm sorry about all that. [No, look, it's all right, man, I just...you know, I'm not asking you to change, I just.... I don't know, I guess we just don't really have anything in common. You know?] Wait, whoa whoa whoa, yes we do. Yes we do. [What?] Hunting. [Hunting? I've never been hunting in my life, Dean.] Yeah, well, then we should go sometime. I think you'd be great at it. (17:51)

I can fix things with Sam. I can make it up to him. To everyone. [Carmen: Okay. What's gotten into you lately?] This isn't gonna make a lick of sense to you...but I kind of feel like I've been given a second chance. And I don't want to waste it. (19:58)

And there's this woman that's haunting me, I don't know why. I don't know what the connection is—not yet, anyway. It's like my old life is coming after me or something, you know, like it doesn't want me to be happy. Of course, I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball, but you'd say, "Go hunt the djinn. It put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness or all those people's lives, no contest." Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life? Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? (23:14)

I'm sorry that we don't get along. And I wish to hell I could stay and fix it. But I gotta do this. People's lives depend on it. (26:07)

[Djinn!Sam: Why'd you have to keep digging? Why couldn't you have left well-enough alone? You were happy.] [Djinn!Mary: Put the knife down, honey.] You're not real. None of it is. [It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had.] What? [It's everything you want. We're a family again. Let's go home.] I'll die. The djinn will drain the life out of me in a couple days. [But in here, with us, it'll feel like years, like a lifetime. I promise. No more pain, no more fear. Just love and comfort and safety. Dean, stay with us. Get some rest.] [Djinn!Jessica: You don't have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him live a full life.] [Djinn!Carmen: We can have a future together, have our own family. I love you, Dean. Please.] [Djinn!Sam: Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough? I'm begging you. Give me the knife.] I'm sorry. (34:47)

I gotta tell you, though, man, you know, you had Jess. Mom was gonna have grandkids. [Sam: Yeah, but Dean, it wasn't real.] I know. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad....all I can—all I can think about it how much this job has cost us. We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much. (40:43)

Sam—

[Dean: Get out of the car.] I'm going with you. [You're just gonna slow me down.] Tough. [This is dangerous and you could get hurt.] Yeah, and so could you, Dean. [Sam—] Look, whatever stupid thing you're about to do, you're not doing it alone, and that's that. [I don't understand, why are you doing this?] Because you're still my brother. [Bitch.] What are you calling me a bitch for? [You're supposed to say jerk.] What? [Nevermind.] (27:07)

Well, I'm glad we do [get along]. And I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't have had the strength. They would've just stayed. (40:25)

[Dean: We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much.] But people are alive because of you, Dean. It's worth it, it is. It's not fair, and, you know, it hurts like hell, but it's worth it. (41:24)

21. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART I

Dean—

I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna take care of you. I got you. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother. (39:32)

Sam—

[Jake: By the way, I, uh, appreciate what you're doing here.] What am I doing? [Keeping calm, keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you really are. I've been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.] Want to know the truth? I got this brother, right? And he's always telling me how he's gonna watch out for me, how everything's gonna be okay, you know, kinda like I've been telling them. [Yeah.] I don't know if I believe it this time. (22:56)

22. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART II

Dean—

[Bobby: Don't you think maybe it's time...we bury Sam?] No. [We could maybe....] What? Torch his corpse? Not yet. [I want you to come with me.] I'm not going anywhere. [Dean, please.] Would you cut me some slack? [I just don't think you should be alone, that's all. I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down—end-of-the-world big!] Well, then let it end! [You don't mean that.] You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. (02:16)

You know, when we were little, when you couldn't have been more than five, you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom, why do we always have to move around, where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." I just wanted you to be a kid, just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I have one job—I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too? How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. What am I supposed to do? (06:27)

That's the same deal you give everybody else. [Demon: You're not everybody else. Why would I want to give you anything? Keep your gutter soul. It's too tarnished, anyway.] (11:08)

You almost died in there. I mean, what would I have.... You just take care of yourself for a little bit, huh? Just for a little bit. (16:37)

Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. That's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean, I got nothing to lose now, right? (19:00)

[Bobby: What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad—you're both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit.] (19:18)

Dad brought me back, Bobby, I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? It's like my life can mean something. [Bobby: What? And it didn't before? Have you got that low an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?] I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother. [How is your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to Hell? How'd you feel when you knew your dad went for you?] You can't tell him. You take a shot at me, whatever you gotta do, but please don't tell him. (19:27)

[Azazel: You saw what your brother just did to Jake, right? That was pretty cold, wasn't it? How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that's what dead should stay dead. Anyway, thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family.] (32:23)

[Sam: You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?] Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job. (38:45)

Sam—

I kind of can't believe it, Dean. I mean... our whole lives, everything... has been prepping for this, and now I...I kind of don't know what to say. (36:35)

[Dean: I had to look out for you. That's my job.] And what do you think my job is? [What?] You saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change. (38:57)

[reynie-muldoons]

'Depends on the Wagon' liveblog!

I saw someone do timestamps in their liveblog and it was absolutely lovely, so I think I'll try that too

1:55 why does Curtain sound like an mlm ceo LMAO

2:07 WOW ASSHOLE 😂😂 waving off your own teacher when he was complimenting you is not the vibe

2:17 so Dr. Curtian is only available through chain emails. Got it.

2:27 he seems like the kind of asshole to say that people on welfare are lazy and exploitave but then like, not pay his taxes

2:42 I DON'T LIKE HOW HE SAID THAT, THAT WAS CREEPY

2:47 oooooh Constance, always asking the right questions

3:05 Kate, why are you yelling, it's literally past curfew 😂

3:35 oh hai Jackson.. gtfo

4:22 oh yeah, the best way out is through the hallway that Jackson just entered. Good plane, babe.

4:25 soooo Kate Depending On Friends arc :)

4:59 AYYY HI RHONDA!!

5:13 why do I kinda fucking love then all deciphering the Morse code together

5:20 so the kids use the gemini riddle? Not the adults???

5:36 his face when he figures it out 😭😭😭

5:46 Nathaniel? Guess that's Dr. Curtain's name now. Less ridiculous than Ledroptha, but you dont get the badass Let Drop the Curtain reference

6:53 okay so no one knew he had a brother? But he did???

7:21 his faaaace 🥺

7:29 AWWW HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO SHARE 😭😭😭 okay I'm kinda on board with the change if they can make it work in the long-haul

7:42 hi Milligan, good timing 😂

7:56 "not the time.........I'll take a dozen" Number Two my LOVE

8:23 interesting. I dont think Mr. Benedict was adopted in the books? He certainly didn't let Violet's family, the Hopefields, because he knew their financial troubles would be even worse. So who?

8:54 ohhhh dear, stages of grief at work. Maybe don't do that

9:05 I talked about this in the MBS discord server, but I think the show is really nailing Mr. Benedict's feelings. He's always been an emotional person, but he has to be so careful. Bottling up your feelings only leads to bigger feelings later. It makes so much sense for Mr. Benedict to be a whirlpool of strong, repressed emotions.

9:11 MILLIGAN'S FACE JAHAHS

9:34 RHONDA'S FACE HAGSKDGDJ

9:40 Mr. Benedict, sweetheart 🥺❤

10:01 "brothers stick together" why does it sound like he's talking about Reynie here 😭😭😭😭

10:12 that is a good ass point, Mr. Benedict already lied to them once

10:21 it makes sense for Sticky to be the one questioning the most because of his anxiety, but damn

10:46 AWWWWWW

10:56 KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT

11:00 I dont like how aggressive Kate is but it makes sense considering she's been in the circus for years, taking care of herself for far longer than she hasn't. She's not good at depending on people, and she's not good with difficult people.

11:10 Yeahh, Constance gets it!

11:40 Yeahhh, Constance gets it

12:55 that teacher seemed pretty nice last episode, nice to see that they're not what they seem just the same as Dr. Curtain lol

13:28 CONSTANCE I LOVE YOU 😂😂

14:00 "check again" okay so Krista from the tests and Martina give off the same vibe.. perfect 😂

14:16 "yeah......hang in there :D"

15:05 all of the apologies to the general class.. he's such an anxious sweetheart. He's really reading as autistic to me.

My sister just called me 😑 it's like 8 am, I answered her like "did you ever consider that you might be waking me up?" She did not consider that 😂

15:22 Martina's face just growing more and more annoyed and disgruntled HAHA

15:29 that was CORRECT?? WHAAAA

15:51 throwback to when I compared Dr. Curtain to an mlm ceo.. definitely like a cult

16:44 ohhhh Martina

17:30 CONSTANCE HEARING VOICES HELLOOOOO

18:22 ayyyyyy helper man

18:40 he seems too cheery to be a helper .-. The helpers all being super sad made [redacted]'s story make a whole lot more sense

19:35 aaaand now we get to it. You know, it really does seem a lot more cultish on screen than in the book

19:53 WAIT CONSTANCE GOOD JOB PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER 😂😂😂😂

19:53 that cut to Milligan making that exact face was INCREDIBLE

20:05 was he tryna leave? Yeah, good fuckin luck bucko

20:10 "critical papers at home" my ass, they packed everything up

20:24 the stages of grief back at it. 🥺

20:38 their relationship >>>>

21:00 "located in the..?" *description of envelope* "located in the....?" *more description* "located in the????" 😂😂😂😂

21:34 ohhhhh Thursday must be the student ranking day

21:56 Martina seems like the kind to throw out "pick a god and pray" as a crit quote 😂

22:07 I don't see any of the Society'a names on the list. Maybe they havent been there long enough

22:17 OH SHIT JK THERE THEY ARE

22:25 ohh Kate and Constance

22:55 the combination of the ferry horn and the bell makes it weirdly grim

23:55 them bringing Kate up and reminding her that she's needed 😌✨

24:29 hi Milligan bb ilyyyy

24:35 real good lookout guys, y'all are so well hidden

24:52 AYY HE'S DOING IT KATE STYLE

26:31 "visionary" is a word for it

26:31 I really kinda love that Number Two and Rhonda are going to such depths to try and help Mr. Benedict figure this out for sure

26:56 Mr. Benedict fully walking away while they talk about his brothers accomplishments 😂 I'm laughing, but poor guy

27:08 his FACE 🥺

27:28 HERE'S THAT TANTRUM FROM THE TRAILER

27:28 take your guesses how many times will he fall asleep

27:50 "he just has to work through some things" you dont fuckin say

27:55 you mean to tell me he had a full blown meltdown and they didn't show him falling asleep once??

28:35 like father like daughter 😌✨

29:10 ayyyy secret desk compartment

29:19 honestly I'm surprised there were actually papers he needed and it wasnt an excuse to go confront Dr. Curtain

29:32 oh shit, how'd they manage to get that far inside? No one was there to guard it, but the maze itself is a security measure

29:42 KATE STYLE STRIKES AGAIN

29:47 ooooh I like Dr. Curtain's office

30:01 WAS THAT SQ AND DID HE JUST CALL DR. CURTAIN HIS DAD

30:41 birds have careers. Got it 😂

30:50 JOURNAAAL

31:02 the fox?? Reynard the fox???

31:27 ohhh here we go, Dr. Curtain sees himself in Reynie only to resent it later

31:37 Mr. Benedict called Reynie a leader once too.. the parallels have ✨begun✨

32:12 is this the "keep your enemies close" conversation??

32:15 I'm honestly surprised he called him Sticky and not George

32:42 IT IS SQ IT IS SQ IT IS SQ

32:59 sooo that starts by not letting his caution down with you

33:11 Dr. Curtain congratulating himself mid-conversation on saying something deep is so in character

33:20 "I was betrayed by someone very close to me" so that was Mr. Benedict. Who the fuck else would it be

33:23 WHAT DID I SAAAAY

33:31 oh noooo Reynie starts doubting Mr. Benedict here? Is that the move?

33:43 that transition was so pretty stoppp

33:53 again how hasn't he fallen asleep

34:55 ayyyy journal snooping

35:05 Constance, my love, you are cut throat

35:11 Milligan is in the DRYWALL? ohh buddy be careful

35:21 omfg are they talking about water polo 😂 I love that that's the sport of choice

35:51 ayyyy they put the Milligan dots together too. Shame the guy's not with them rn

36:36 so Mr. Benedict brings up cheating first? I really like how we get to see the adults riddling out what to send back, we didn't get that at all in the books

37:46 I LOVE THAT THEY KEPT "don't get caught"

38:51 Kate riddling out the island schematics engineer style is so like her

39:07 they're just walking out the door?? Huh???

39:29 babe... turn off your flashlight

39:33 AND THAT'S WHY

39:58 is that the precursor to chuckroot?

40:38 the papers were from his orphanage 🥺🥺🥺

41:14 why does that break my heart

41:19 Dr. Curtain and SQ doing shit together it just.. so heartwarming

42:00 HAHA

42:16 okay, so show!Curtain is a kissass 😂

42:35 wait wait wait so Dr. Curtain is actively trying to contain his brother? That would explain why the Recruiters were looking for him and weirdly not the kids

43:25 "power wants to be free" sounds more like a personal mantra than a conversation between engineers

43:41 YES A LETTER TO MISS PERUMAL

44:02 more voices. Poor Connie girl 🥺

44:36 he loves her so much 😭😭😭

44:45 SHE TRIED TO SEND HIM A CARE PACKAGE

45:13 WORRIED MOM TIMEEE

[spectre-of-communism]

I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello"  " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32:  "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

[tsukkiboii]

masterlist

KARASUNO 烏野

sawamura daichi　澤村大地

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

suagwara koushi　菅原孝子

↳ him with an s/o insecure about themselves [headcanons, hurt/comfort]

azumane asahi　東峰旭

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

kageyama tobio　影山飞雄　

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

hinata shoyo　日向翔陽

↳ taking care of their sick s/o [headcanons, fluff]

tsukishima kei　月島蛍

↳ how he reacts to ‘i’m so in love with you’ [headcanons, fluff]

↳what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

yamaguchi tadashi　山口忠

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

↳ him with an s/o insecure about themselves [headcanons, hurt/comfort]

NEKOMA 音駒

kozume kenma　孤爪研磨

↳ fights, tears, and make-ups [fic, hurt/comfort]

     ↳ in which kenma shouldn’t have taken you for granted, but he did anyways

AOBA JOHSAI 青葉 城西

oikawa tooru　及川徹

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

↳ him with an s/o insecure about themselves [headcanons, hurt/comfort]

iwaizumi hajime　岩泉一

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

FUKURODANI 梟谷

bokuto kotaro　木兎光太郎

↳ what the haikyuu boys are most scared of [blurbs, angst]

↳ how he reacts to ‘i’m so in love with you’ [headcanons, fluff]

SHIRATORIZAWA 白鳥沢

ushijima wakatoshi　牛島若利

↳ how he reacts to ‘i’m so in love with you’ [headcanons, fluff]

goshiki tsutomu　五色工

↳ taking care of a sick s/o [headcanons, fluff]

ITACHIYAMA INSTITUTE　井闥山学院

sakusa kiyoomi　佐久早聖臣

↳ taking care of a sick s/o [headcanons, fluff]

[TIMESTAMPS] - short drabbles

[1:31 am] - akaashi keiji - alcohol makes us forget even the most important things

[8:57am] - tsukishima kei - it’s his birthday

[5:45 pm] - yamaguchi tadashi - it’s his birthday

[6:36 pm] - oikawa tooru - ‘i think we should end this’

[4:07 am] - kuroo tetsuro - ‘penny for your thoughts?’

last updated jan 5 2021

[hyperbolicpurple]

transcript of every Weevil scene in S4

With timestamps!

Episode 3, “Keep Calm and Party On,” starting at 46:08:

Weevil: Yo, who’s cookin?

Hector: One of the new kids.

Weevil: No, Paul needs to be on the grill. ‘Cause this tastes like some peculiar-ass shit.

Juan Diego: Weevil! Your sister wants you to meet someone.

Weevil: Bring him over.

[Claudia and Alonzo come over]

Weevil: So you’re Alonzo. Glad you could make it. Heard a lot about you.

Claudia: Not a lot. Just--just a normal amount.

Weevil: Hey, uh, C, why don’t you put Paul on the grill for me? He likes you. Please? Thank you. [she departs] You up from Mexico on business?

Alonzo: Yeah.

Weevil: Look, your visit doesn’t have anything to do with the bombings, does it?

Alonzo: We didn’t set off any bombs, man. I promise you that.

Weevil: That wasn’t the question. But okay. Don’t break her heart, and we’ll be fine.

Episode 4, “Heads You Lose,” starting at 20:59:

[Veronica is being attacked by young PCHers in front of Weevil’s auto shop]

Weevil: Let go! Let her go, before she hurts you too. [Juan Diego doesn’t stop; Weevil fires a gun into the air] The next one goes in your bike. Hit the road, boys, you all got better things to do.

[They all ride off]

Veronica: Quite the mentoring program you’ve got here. How’s the straight life? You wouldn’t be chopping cars in here like your uncle did, would you?

Weevil: I think the words you’re looking for are “thank you.”

[interlude with Alonzo and Claudia]

Veronica: Muggings. Vandalism. Bombings. Regular Fagin now, huh?

Weevil: What did you say?

Veronica: Relax. It was a literary reference.

Weevil: Oh, I got the Oliver Twist shoutout. But did you say bombings? [laughs] Yeah. It was me behind the grassy knoll, too. [Weevil starts walking away]

Veronica: You, your boys--you’re doing grunt work for the people who want to destroy this town. Fine. Whatever. Sell out, then!

Weevil: You know, it must be nice to have choices, Veronica.

Episode 5, “Losing Streak,” starting at 20:05:

[in the Mars Investigations office]

Veronica: [on the phone] Yeah, I’m coming home now. Do you want me to pick something up for dinner? ... Like, really cooking, or opening cans of soup?

[knock on the door]

Veronica: [to the phone] Maybe you should handle dinner. ... Nope, a recidivist. Be back soon. [hangs up] Weevil?

Weevil: [sighs] What’s wrong with you, Veronica?

Veronica: You know, there are a range of opinions.

Weevil: You got a problem with me, deal with me.

Veronica: Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Weevil?

Weevil: Using a 19-year-old kid as a chip. Wow. That’s some gutter shit. Try remembering when you were cool.

Veronica: Hmm. Well, I mean, since you asked so nicely.

Weevil: Juan Diego’s brother? He took out two high-ranking Nuestra Familia street commanders. That kid shows up in the Cali prison system, they’re gonna put him in a box.

Veronica: Oh, that Juan Diego. The ice machine shitter. Well, maybe he should have considered that before he held a knife to my throat. But you know what? Bygones.

Weevil: [nods, looking relieved]

Veronica: Now if you’ll just fill me in on what’s causing the uptick in petty crime by the boardwalk, my heart will remain three sizes too big.

Weevil: [long exhale] No clue.

Veronica: Bullshit!

Weevil: You and me. We were close, once. If there’s anything left--

Veronica: There’s not. My dad went out on a limb for you. He and Cliff spent a year building your case against the Sheriff’s Department, and you settled behind their backs.

Weevil: I had a wife and a daughter to think about. I don’t live on Cherry Tree Lane, V! I needed the money! Does that make me a criminal?

Veronica: No. Being a criminal makes you a criminal. Which is why Jade split town, right? She didn’t want her kid raised by a--

Weevil: Stop there, Veronica.

[interrupted by Weevil’s cell phone ringing; he answers]

Weevil: [to the phone] Hector. Yeah. Go ahead. Are you sure? That’s great news. All right. Yeah. Bye. [hangs up]

Veronica: Great news, huh? Did you make the cover of Hoodlum Weekly?

Weevil: Cops can’t find the guy who filed the complaint against Juan Diego. He must have split town.

Veronica: So the charges are dropped. How about that? Turns out I’m not lowdown gutter trash.

Weevil: Jury’s out. [he leaves]

Episode 6, “Entering a World of Pain,” starting at 23:47:

[Weevil storms into the Mars Investigations offices]

Weevil: What’d you do with him, Veronica? Where is he?!

Veronica: Are you asking, “where in the world is cabron Juan Diego?”

Weevil: You’re not funny.

Veronica: Weren’t you worried about him going to prison and getting shot? He’s safe now. You’re welcome.

Weevil: He’s his family’s main earner. His mom’s been on my ass about lost income ever since he disappeared.

Veronica: She sounds like a lovely woman.

Weevil: We can’t all be like you. Practically perfect in every way.

Veronica: Sure you can. It’s easy. First, stop working on behalf of the richest asshole in Neptune in a plot to drive you and your people out of town. Sorry, does the truth hurt? You need a spoonful of sugar to make that medicine go down?

Weevil: I wake up every day trying to figure out a way to take care of my people. But you? You’ve got degrees from Stanford and Columbia that you don’t even use. You’d rather stay in this town that you say you hate, tasing teenagers and making them wet their pants.

Veronica: You had a wife and a daughter and a legit business, and you pissed it all away.

Weevil: I got shot, Veronica. Some rich white lady shot me, and I got arrested!

Veronica: Yeah. That was shitty. And I was there for you. And so was my dad, and so was Cliff. But you were weak. [Weevil turns away] Just go. Get out of here. Go be a low-level hood. But know this: that is how I’m gonna treat you. And when you are run out of town, don’t forget: I told you so.

Weevil: Okay, Veronica.

[Penn Epner comes in]

Penn: Is this a bad time...?

Weevil: Go ahead. She’s all yours.

later in episode 6, starting at 40:31:

[Weevil’s house with Claudia, Hector, and Weevil]

Claudia: Shit!

Weevil: What happened? Your Mexican boyfriend tell you he’s married?

Claudia: Why you two such pigs? Clean up after yourselves!

Weevil: [to Hector] You’d think I was living under her roof, huh?

Claudia: I got fired, asshole!

Weevil: What? You’ve been there for two years!

Claudia: He fired Estella too, and she’s been there a lot longer.

Weevil: Why?

Claudia: There’s no customers anymore. Not with all the bombings. Same thing all over town. No one’s hiring. Everyone’s letting people go.

Weevil: Okay, okay, don’t worry, listen. I’m making plenty of money right now. I can take care of the family, it’s gonna be okay.

Claudia: What about Estella?

Weevil: Estella ain’t family.

Claudia: Why don’t you hire me at your shop?

Weevil: No. No way. It’s like you said. Everything ain’t strictly legal. It’s not gonna work.

Claudia: I need the money, Eli.

Weevil: No. No.

Claudia: I’m too old to have you supporting me.

[knock on the door]

Weevil: Come in! Oh. Alonzo.

Hector: Yo, what’s up, man.

Weevil: Beer?

Alonzo: Yeah, sure.

Weevil: Claudia, two beers, please.

Claudia: Yeah, I saw Eli’s blonde crush at the motel today.

Weevil: The--wh--wh--what blonde crush?

Claudia: Veronica Mars.

Weevil: Oh, oh yeah, that’s--that’s my crush. Just love her to death. What was she doing at the Happy Nite?

Claudia: Pretty sure she was snooping around Alonzo’s room.

Alonzo: Who was in my room?

Claudia: Cute blonde private eye. You saw her at Weevil’s shop.

Alonzo: You sure? Or you pretty sure?

Claudia: I--I’m not sure. Some gimpy old bald guy collapsed nearby, and I was trying to help him, and--

Hector: Old bald guy with a limp?

Claudia: Yeah.

Hector: That was her dad. [to Alonzo, cackling] She was definitely in your room, man.

Claudia: [to Alonzo] What are you gonna do?

Alonzo: I’m gonna pay her a visit at some point. See what she wants.

[Weevil looks nervous]

Episode 7, “Gods of War,” starting at 31:03:

[Weevil and Clyde in the parking lot of Weevil’s shop, sitting in Clyde’s car]

Weevil: Are you kidding me with this car, man?

Clyde: ‘66. Mint condition. Original leather, original wood grain on the dash. Bought this from a little old lady who kept it covered in a garage. It’s got 23,000 miles on it.

Weevil: Beautiful. Hey, Clyde, you know anything about these two guys up from Mexico? They work for a cartel boss. He lost his nephew in the Sea Sprite bombing?

Clyde: No. But I don’t really have my finger on the pulse of the Mexican underworld.

Weevil: I thought you knew everyone who’s ever served time, Clyde. It could mean trouble for whoever’s responsible for that Sea Sprite bomb.

Clyde: I heard that was Perry Walsh, and that guy’s already blown himself up, so...

Weevil: Huh. I wonder what those two guys are still doing up here, then. [Clyde hands him an envelope of cash] Oh. Thanks. My guys have been on my ass all week about getting paid.

Clyde: Well, that’s the last of it, so, uh, you might want to remind them about rainy days.

Weevil: Job’s done?

Clyde: Yeah. Spring break’s over.

Weevil: Not for four days, it isn’t. Clyde, look, there’s gotta be more you need, right? I mean, I got a lot of people counting on this. On me.

Clyde: Good thing you’re an enterprising kind of guy. I’m sure you’ll find other ways to make money.

[Weevil nods, gets out of the car, goes inside the shop, where Claudia accosts him]

Claudia: This guy’s been blowing up your phone. Think he’s got tires for you or something. What’s wrong with you?

Weevil: Veronica Mars. The “I told you so” I’m gonna be hearing from her.

Claudia: Well, you don’t have to worry about her much longer.

Weevil: What’s that supposed to mean?

Claudia: Nothing. I’m just agreeing with you. She’s annoying.

Weevil: Claudia. Do not lie to me. Why am I not gonna have to worry about Veronica?

later in episode 7, starting at 36:20:

[Veronica and Keith are in a gunfight at Carol’s cabin with Alonzo and Dodie; the sound of motorcycles revving]

Dodie: The hell is that?

Weevil: Head on out, boys! No one’s touching her! Head home!

[Veronica creeps up to the front door with a knife as the motorbikes start rumbling away and opens it. Weevil’s outside with his visor up. They stare at each other for a long moment. Then Weevil pulls the visor down and drives away while Veronica watches.]

[humansoulsarg]

We Welcome All Solve

This post https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/185253110867/ not only celebrates the 2019 Spice Girls Reunion Tour, but also contains some (come to be expected from) Pangent Lore upon deeper investigation.

Included in the post are several images from the Spice Girls’ Spice World 2019 concert in May at Etihad Stadium. It does appear Lottie and Eric were able to attend this concert. I’m not clear on how the timelines align or work or what not, but I’m glad they were able to find their way into this amazing synchronistic Spice World.

The graphic image posted that states:

We welcome all ages all races all gender identities all countries of origin all sexual orientations all religions & beliefs all abilities: Spice World

contains three rows of grayscale shading at the bottom. These can be recombined as Red, Green, and Blue layers to create a color image which follows the Standard Pangent Color Code:

The numbers decoded from this combined image can be interpreted as decimal ASCII as follows:

57 57 51 119 50 122 103 51 122 49 119 104 111 117 48

993w2zg3z1whou0

And the 15-character lowercase alphanumeric value we recognize as a mediafire link: http://www.mediafire.com/?993w2zg3z1whou0

This leads to a ZIP archive - concerted.zip which contains an MP3 - concerted.mp3 with clips of Spice Girls songs.

Thanks to a very helpful stranger who happened to be wearing a Spice Girls shirt one day in the cafeteria and spent time with this MP3 file (Thanks LT!!) it was discovered all the clips were from the 1996 SPICE album, and the track numbers were significant.

timestamp   #   track name 0:00-0:03   1   wannabe 0:03-0:12   9   naked 0:12-0:17   1   wannabe 0:17-0:20   7   who do you think you are 0:20-0:25   1   wannabe 0:25-0:27   7   who do you think you are 0:27-0:30   1   wannabe 0:30-0:32   10  if u can’t dance 0:33-0:34   5   last time lover 0:35-0:37   1   wannabe 0:38-0:40   10  if u can’t dance 0:40-0:42   6   mama 0:43-0:47   1   wannabe 0:48-0:50   10  if u can’t dance 0:51-0:52   1   wannabe 0:52-0:55   10  if u can’t dance 0:55-0:58   2   say you’ll be there 0:58-1:00   5   last time lover 1:00-1:03   1   wannabe 1:03-1:05   5   last time lover 1:06-1:08   7   who do you think you are 1:08-1:13   9   naked 1:13-1:16   1   wannabe 1:16-1:18   10  if u can’t dance 1:18-1:20   2   say you’ll be there 1:21-1:25   1   wannabe 1:26-1:28   5   last time lover 1:28-1:30   1   wannabe 1:31-1:33   10  if u can’t dance 1:33-1:36   9   naked 1:36-1:39   1   wannabe 1:39-1:41   10  if u can’t dance 1:42-1:44   8   something kinda funny

The durations of the clips were significant as some track numbers repeated, but a workable ASCII decimal string was found from this sequence:

119 99 117 117 105 106 110 102 51 57 99 102 115 109 108

wcuuijnf39cfsml

Another 15-character mediafire ID:

http://mediafire.com/?wcuuijnf39cfsml

This time to blackbird.zip which contains blackbird.jpg (an image of a blackbird) and blackbird.wav (an audio file in Kansas City Standard format)

The KCS WAV file decodes to Vigenere-encrypted text with password ‘argentina’ - so it’s from Lottie.

blackbird.txt - https://pastebin.com/Ry6hiXe1

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  Packing up, for the weekend. Well, not the weekend. The back half of a week, and then the weekend, kind of. A few days off, for once. Special occasion. Pushing my luck. Working remotely, but that’s nothing new. Hoping everything’s not on fire when I get back.

  At the moment, there’s nothing about these projects that I can take for granted. I can’t just leave town and know that everything’s going to be all right. No, it’s going to be a damn mess.

  Rachel was sick for two days so Eric and I were sick for the better part of three weeks. He wasn’t sleeping well, worse than usual. Neither was I, and I’m still not sure why. He’d get up and walk around at all hours like a zombie. It was unnerving.

  That was three disgusting weeks, and so this is gonna be the first fun week in awhile. We’ve even got a kid taking care of Rachel, for a couple of the nights. So, fun.

  I’ve never been good at having fun. When I was a kid, sometime in my teens, a friend dragged me to a heavy metal concert and once they started playing I immediately needed to get the hell out of there, away from the noise. It was so loud it rattled my organs and made me want to throw up. Nobody had fun that night, I’m sure. I hadn’t discovered that earplugs were a thing yet. I wear earplugs every night now, or I did before Rachel.

  Things have gotten back to normal, by which I mean I’m working with a team again and getting twelve dipshit emails every morning from each of them because they don’t know how to tie their own shoes without me writing a visual tutorial.

  I hate to make this a generational thing, but working with men over fifty, in particular, is like dragging their whole weight up a mountain, or carrying them, when they should be able to walk on their own. They don’t listen and need to be told what to do at every step. Every day it’s like nothing I’ve done matters and they’re back to square one.

  I’m working my ass off, inbetween depression naps. Working harder than usual because I’m interested. Genuinely.

  For the life of me I don’t know why Pangent proper is letting me do this, and get away with it. Either X has other things on his mind or he’s finally given up on me. With Leslie’s help we now have a plan. I won’t go into it to jinx it but I think we could survive this. Have a future. Get out of this whole mess with our human souls intact.

  I’m enjoying the science again. Enjoying the research. Enjoying doing for real all the stuff that Management wouldn’t let me do before. It’s only been two weeks but a couple of days were genuine breakthroughs. People at Pangent, people who I thought were nutty and useless and liars, suddenly came through with research that changed everything.

  So this is the plan, or part of the plan. Project SOS. Save our souls. Shut everything that’s dangerous down and call it a success. Bring this to a conclusion before it’s got a chance to kill us, but in a way which looks good on paper.

  In my life I’ve taken on so many projects that are bigger than I can handle. I pretend they’re not, and the scope gets larger and larger, and they take so much more time than I pretended they’d take. And at the end, best case scenario, I think, Well, that just barely worked. Mistakes were made. Mistakes were fixed, as best we could and a little too late.

  And a project shouldn’t be like that. A project should be manageable. I shouldn’t be shooting the moon and losing my grip on the project, my time, my health and my sanity. But for the most part those are the only projects I remember. Where I tried to do something great and got halfway there, fucking up the other half along the way. Those were almost the only projects worth a damn, where I was punching above my weight a little. I don’t know what the lesson is there. Maybe there isn’t one. Dare to be great and you’ll always be a goddamn mess who gets part of the way to genius, with a few small errors on every page.

  People think I’m a pessimist. I’m an optimist really, an outrageous optimist. I plan every project as if doing the impossible is going to be easy. I know in my heart of hearts that it’s going to be tough, and take a chunk of my soul, and turn into a whole entire mess, but I plan out these projects as if I’m Superwoman, made of steel. A cutout of Ginger Spice, spicing up the world.

  I forget how to be afraid, when I should be. I forget to set my sights lower and be more realistic about things.

  A few weeks back I was walking out by the shops, in my blue sweater, sometime round sundown. As I passed the grocer, three teenage boys walked by me, hooting and hollering. It wasn’t even coherent enough to be catcalling.

  Children. They were just children. They kept shouting nonsense from thirty feet away. Swearing a blue streak, calling me the N-word, as if that makes any sense.

  I turned. I must have thought that required a response. “Yeah?” I said. “Fuck you!” I flipped them off.

  I was calm. They could have been anywhere from 13 to 18, I honestly couldn’t tell. They just looked like children. I didn’t know how to be afraid of them.

  One of them shouted, “The fuck did you say, bitch?” They were a long ways off now, but one of them, in a red hoodie, came running up to me at full speed. And he punched me, or tried to. He whiffed, right off the side of my head. Bad aim. I didn’t feel more than a slight breeze.

  He was right in my face now, breathing hot air like a steer in a bullfight.

  “I said, fuck you.” I stayed calm. We stared each other down for a moment. He was ready to fight. He spat and he swore, and he saw I wasn’t backing down. And he had, in that moment, a decision to make.

  He ran off with his friends.

  I kept walking.

  That whole time I couldn’t make myself be afraid. And I should have been.

  They were just kids. Teenagers who looked about twelve and were probably seventeen. But there were three of them. And if they’d wanted to, or had better aim with their punches, they could have …

  Hm.

  I did feel nervous, afterward, once I’d had time to process the whole thing. I crossed the street. I went to a different row of shops. And I looked over my shoulder the rest of the night.

  They clearly walked there. No one was watching them, and they had nothing better to do than get into trouble.

  Every time I pass that row of shops I think about them now. But I wasn’t afraid at the time. I didn’t know how to be.

  I haven’t worn my blue sweater outside since then.

  The other day a guy tried to stop me in the street. “I just want to ask you something,” in the way that men do when they’re panhandling for money. He didn’t seem like a sex creep so it could have been worse, I guess. I kept walking, and he kept talking, pretending to be offended, like I was the bad guy here for ignoring him.

  “What, are you scared?” he asked indignantly.

  That got me. I turned.

  “No.” I wasn’t scared. I stared him down. “You got something to say?”

  Silence, for a moment. Then he said, “Aw, forget it,” and backed off.

  He made a decision.

  There was a dead blackbird in the road. I took a picture. I had to get too close to the cars to take a picture.

  Why did I need to do that? Commemorating its death, like it means something. “Much to think about,” I guess.

  Dead blackbird on the side of the road, just far enough away from traffic. Must have hit a windshield. Body completely intact, enough that I kept hoping it would show some signs of life.

  It was still there on the way back. No one ran it over. I hope nobody ever does. That it stays that way forever, or until there’s nothing left of it.

  A beautiful bird. Making people think about death, if they’re walking that way, so close to traffic. Maybe I’m hoping it teaches people how to be afraid.

  Much to think about.

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[autumn-in-phandom]

“Did Dan get TOO TAN?”

(Sept 19th 2017 Dan liveshow timestamps)  

0:03 After an awkward pause and salute: “Hello cyber friends” (instant regret and reflection)

0:29 (Dear god, don’t grab your laptop by the screen like that Dan.)

0:44 Grimace #1

1:06 No Dan, you do not look *atol* different. That tweet, title and pic are all just clickbait.

1:10 (Bronze my ass.)

1:19 Hitting us with that meme.

1:25 (Didn’t need to be in your face thanks. Teasing angles?)

1:36 “Never say Trumpy ever again, in any circumstance.”

1:45 Lovely pores and freckles.

2:00 Obviously everyone subscribes to YouTubers for their freckle content.

2:30 Livestreams are “a mistake” because of the chat clinging on to one thing and spamming it.

2:40 No probing or questioning at airport, big grin.

3:01 “The broadband is terrible but the 4G is great.” Okay…

3:17 “The toasty Dan experience”, orangish filter.

3:26 Double rhyme: “I guess that’s a rhyme, yeah that’s fine” (okay it’s a slant rhyme)

3:47 “Buttered crumpet Daniel.”

4:02 “Went to an island in the Mediterranean.” (This is exactly the answer I expected and quite frankly the only one he should give.)

4:09 “Literally did nothing for about six days, it was great.”

4:15 ‘I am Pilgrim’ book recommended by his mum.

4:30 Tricked into reading 900 page book.

5:00 Holiday was incredibly relaxing.

5:10 “Ordeal” getting there, delayed flight, three hours “traumatizing”

5:22 “Haha long boye” “literally, shins driving into my chest, bleeding” alright hyperbolic humor Dan. “Tough.”

5:38 “Violated” on flight by guy’s elbows, “no respect for personal space”, “fully leaning into me”, “didn’t even care”, “honestly an icon for all of us.” (Was it Phil?)

6:03 3 am, old driver, mini bus, cliff roads, did pre-ritual preparing for death.

7:00 “So much yogurt”, doesn’t know why.

7:05 “Assaggetti” tweet, we can shame him, “has the worst sense of humor in the world”, check it out and unsubscribe, doesn’t remember the language (Italian), apologizes, “constantly problematic”.

7:55 “Got that D from the S up above” (vitamin D, or Phil…)

8:16 Phil came on the holiday in case anyone didn’t know.

8:18 “He went from like glass to pale ivory, which is good”, “Phil is someome who erupts in freckles whenever he goes outside, so it’s hard to tell if he tans or if your eyes are just kinda like drawing the dots between the space all the freckles are, if you know what I’m saying.” (Wow, I… I’d like to think you mean what I know, but I’m not sure. Wow.)

8:37 Someone in the chat: “Nice Ursa Major on that cheek boy”. Turn, pose, laugh.

8:41 “The Bigger Dipper of my self esteem.”

8:53 Good day: watched Bake Off and answered emails, “thrilling”.

9:13 Tumblr likes, fan art, “beautiful to celebrate the great people.”

9:43 “The internet is not here”, laughs, sighs, apologizes.

9:55 Some peer pressure advice.

10:25 Had to check what his video title is.

10:35 I don’t know why he bothers to ask if we watched either.

10:55 Accept that he does things by his British calendar.

11:11 Why he didn’t he talk about uni stories when it was happening. Ashamed? Yeah, processing turmoil at the time.

11:55 Now shares traumatizing, terrifying, shameful, embarrassing stories straight away.

12:15 Rowing club guy AU… (not what I was thinking)

12:46 Laundry story: Phil was nice, Dan didn’t ask, *literally* ordered a cab, turned up with suitcase, Phil assumed he dropped out and was moving in, “I’ve had a day and I’m going to wash my socks in your washing machine.”

13:13 “If you struggle to function as a person-” (I really wish he had finished this sentence)

13:15 Asda sponsor for crying in the cheese aisle?

13:23 Pasta burn shaming (were you just never in the kitchen with your mum Dan?)

13:36 Dropping laptop so much recently.

14:00 Never taught cooking, laundry, accounting.

14:18 “No one told me shit!” (in Dan’s face again).

14:33 “What happens when I’m 23?! How do I do a tax?!”

14:54 It was ravioli (pretty sure the instructions mentioned water Dan…)

15:15 Thick as in stupid, not thicc fat booty.

15:30 “Look Fatima, we all have different life experiences, okay?” (lol)

15:36 “Ravioli ravioli, give me the death I deserveioli.” Relates.

15:45 Rihanna livestream, forehead fetishist? Wouldn’t mind if anyone leaves for that.  

16:08 Not up on BTS, DNA.

16:33 Shames Eden for “let me see that pastussy” comment, “leave.”

16:45 “Love on the Brain”. He really loves Rihanna, amazing, blessing, doesn’t give a shit, casual, informal, etc. “Bitch Better Have My Money.”

17:25 Is sure BTS video with be “pure and beautiful”, expects “softly applied eyeshadow and very fluffy hair”, he’s sure he’ll enjoy.

17:38 Maybe new gaming video/livestream tomorrow.

17:45 Overcooked, ironic kitchen fire, foreshadowing.

18:08 Wasn’t sure if he should get into Chinese guy story again, but he has to.

18:13 Deep breath: “It was 4 am, I’d been you know, well hydrated that evening, but I decided I needed another drink” go into the kitchen, everyone else was asleep, guy had a whole chicken, with neck and feet, fine but surprising, tiniest pair of white y-fronts, hacked head off and made eye contact, just couldn’t, usually would awaken some kink in him…

19:39 Pool pic, shout out to friend, no consent, relaxing, absorbing sun like a lizard, *basking*, fell asleep, lucky it was a pool and he didn’t drift out to sea, sun stroke vid reference, “the bad tan”.

21:08 People saying “trying to be cute”, the double chins (really?!)

21:21 The least Dan-like photo.

21:33 Thought it would ruin his Instagram aesthetic.

22:10 Lack of other content: relaxing, reading,

22:24 Took a couple other photos, sunset selfie, “no one’s going to take a photo of me” (what the hell happened to your personal photographer?) but then people came (please post, please!)

23:40 Bake off is his life, “Noel Feilding is a national treasure”, caramel was torture while hungry, faves are Liam and not!Val (what did he whisper about Liam? Really wanted him to be…?)

24:30 *Maybe* Halloween Baking, they don’t think that far ahead about anything.

24:48 Phil’s role in Dan’s video, mugging scene took nine takes, afraid to punch him. Outtakes please!

26:03 (grimace #2) “Hello Grandma, my name is Daniel, I’m a wholesome person, that’s a very great influence”

26:16 Wachowski films

26:23 Dan floating in donut plushies would be very challenging.

26:33 Dan flips a bit at the idea that’s it’s weird to like people who don’t know who you are. Uses Ed Sheeran as example.

26:55 Scrolls past person who said they feel better when they have a dream about Dan and Phil.

27:17 Cared more about YouTube than university socializing and class, Pom Bear Massacre reference, made Tumblr account.

29:09 Chapped lips, season changed the moment he stepped off the plane.

29:42 “Okay Universe, I know I can be a bit of a downer, sometimes.”

29:51 Haley Barry Storm powers

30:08 Yes the furry blanket comes out, polyester, sad pimp, Marks & Spencer.

31:06 Ready for everything seasonal, autumnal Yankee Candle range, not haute, but fun themes.

31:31 Frisbee laptop across the room on to the bed, missed.

31:46 Candle haul, yes it is content we need right now!

32:26 Furry invasion on Splatoon, scaley, yiffing proposition, “this is a family game”, not shaming just concerned for kids, though it is hentai-esque…

33:27 Sonic: 2010 reminiscing, formatting of boxes.

34:04 Was stupid side kick, Phil being good, Dan trying to be helpful, actual just a cheerleader, Phil was disgusting, doesn’t know if Phil even knew what he was saying (of course he did).

34:38 Didn’t know uni vid was trending

34:52 Reflection (I think that’s the piano nook)

35:00 Weird because of swearing, someone at YT didn’t watch the vid, “Ah, keep doing that, don’t watch my videos, just know that I’m a good person…”

35:25 “I make great friendly content.” (grimace #3)

35:30 Explains why trending isn’t automatic. Yes, think of the children.

36:05 “But hey, I’m not bad, everything’s fine”.

36:45 “People of all genders do and don’t wear makeup”.

37:10 (I’m pretty sure that the no candles with birds is because of the fumes.)

37:25 What is with the nose touching when confirming Spooky Week? “Next video (nose touch) soon, don’t worry”…?

38:28 “Fans of everything are annoying, that’s just what happens when people are enthusiastic about stuff.”

39:19 Dan doesn’t get annoyed by different fandoms. Says more about the people being annoyed, part of their own insecurity, their lack of community, togetherness, celebration, shared experiences, jealous or sad, or maybe everyone just everyone’s annoying.

39:56 Dream Daddy: so dangerous saying Dilddy. Dan likes Damien, great taste, immaculate presentation, probably not Dilddy’s romantic soulmate.

40:31 Dan is in like ten fandoms (makes a face).

40:45 Chat: “Will Phil become a furry, what’s your fursona?” Dan: “Is it time to go?”

40:55 Has never thought about it, promises he’ll get on it soon, he knows what the internet wants from him.

41:31 Chat full of fursona suggestions. He’s going to start crying.

41:52 “A llama fucking hell.” “Look at the time.”

42:01 Going to go into a (not disturbing) hole later looking into axoltl fur suits.

42:24 Elf on a shelf meme, was going to post a Dan one, “old meme!” (Still don’t need to be up in your face Daniel.)

43:27 Really wants to go see IT, needs to see Mother.

44:04 Shut up! American Horror Story, makes him happy. Loves Sarah Paulson (is his life), feels represented by a lesbian with anxiety. Evan Peters is great, looks gross, or great depending.

45:25 His fursona should be a big bear, I agree. What a reaction.

45:46 Left comb on holiday, looks like a bush.

46:13 (grimace #4 at group chat names.)

46:20 “What is wrong with all of you?”

46:22 Glosses over diet ask. Indeed.

46:26 “Don’t call me Uncle Dan when we’re talking about fursonas.”

46:36 “If you live in Australia vote for marriage equality, we don’t need to have this conversation.” “Come on, come on Australia, sort your shit out.”

47:03 Going to “innocently Google things that are fine”.

47:22 “Me and Phil would love to come to Russia”.

47:27 Limitations of TATINOF.

47:44 Watch uni vid: “Don’t take it too seriously. Remember that most of the time I’m just trying to be funny, and if you ever want like my real feelings or opinions, just think about whatever the opposite of what I’m saying is, and that’s usually how to get to the sincere heart of whatever Dan’s talking about.”

48:13 “Stay calm, ask some senpais for some life advice and think carefully about what your fursona should be.”

[turtle-paced]

GoT Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

You know, I think this might be my second-least favourite episode of the season.

6.03 - Oathbreaker

(2:04:) The first shot of the episode, and it’s a Davos reaction shot! (When did Davos come back into the room, when the final shots of the previous episode established that he’d walked out? Who cares.)

(2:14) Davos reaction shot ends! Ten seconds of looking at Davos’ befuddled face before we get reminded of oh yeah, a guy just came back from the dead. The reaction is prioritised over the action itself.

(2:34) Abs & pecs: 1.

(2:54) Right off the bat, though, this was quite promising, as we get the renewed focus on the wounds that killed Jon, emphasising that this is wrooooooooong.

(3:13) I can even go with practical Davos reacting to this monumental event by going “okay, better get this guy a blanket” and asking basic questions to ascertain whether Jon’s thinking clearly (putting off the shaken worldview until later).

(3:28) The investment in Jon’s relationship with Olly still isn’t there, because they’ve barely interacted, and Olly spent most of last season obviously planning to kill Jon. Jon might feel betrayed, but the audience…probably not so much.

(3:59) And this I find really quite distasteful. I understand asking theological questions in this situation; in fact, I wish other characters had asked some, as it pertains to their religion(s). But the writers trip all over themselves to confirm that there are no gods in this universe. As part of a pattern of depicting religious believers unkindly, unsympathetically, and with a complete lack of understanding, this is what I’d call a dick move. (On account of leading the audience to approach every religious character knowing they are objectively wrong.) What would it cost them to have Jon say, “I don’t remember”?

(4:16) Worse is the fact that Mel and Davos don’t even react to that. Mel just successfully worked some major, major magic, which she believes is dependent on her faith and her god’s favour, Jon says “nope no god sorry” and...nothing.

Instead, Mel just brings up a prophecy that has not been established and is therefore devoid of meaning. She was talking about Stannis in very vague terms before, “the chosen one” etc etc. Not mentioned: Azor Ahai, the Prince that was Promised. Until now, when we’re getting late in the game and have no idea what these terms mean, much less their importance.

(5:31) “You fight for as long as you can. You clean up as much of their shit as you can.” “I don’t know how to do that.” How unintentionally telling that choice of words is! Where show!Jon has never been portrayed as particularly bright, season six will go out of its way to depict Jon as actively stupid.

(5:55) I do like this shot of all the people at Castle Black converging as one just in time to see Jon walk out of the door. Did Mel tell them? Or are their significance senses tingling?

(6:46) “They think you’re some kind of god.” Who’s ‘they’ and why can’t they say this for themselves, like extras in King’s Landing felt free to shout at Tommen that he was an abomination?

(7:18) I (non-ironically) like that post-resurrection Jon actually shows affection to more than just Sam and Ghost. That actually works to convey that Jon has a newfound appreciation for the value of the time he gets with them.

(7:26) It’s been a minute and a half since Jon showed up, and here we have the first suggestion that in this storyline about the front line in the war against zombies, zombification may be a concern in this situation.

(7:40) Show!Jon just cracked a joke! It was a pretty dark one, but it was actually a joke! I share Edd’s concern that this isn’t really Jon now.

(7:46) Cut to a ship on a stormy sea here.

(9:30) And only now does the scene get down to its business. (I’d say more about the homophones but it’s nothing we haven’t had established for us half a dozen times: Gilly is sheltered and ignorant.) Sam’s going to the Citadel, but oh no! It doesn’t allow women. Gilly immediately points out that the writers ignored the same rule in Castle Black for the past two seasons.

(9:41) Sam openly admits that he was leaning on his connections with his superiors to bend the rules so he could stay with his girlfriend. Special privileges for protagonists!

(10:41) Not to mention this is yet another retread of the same dilemma Sam’s been having with Gilly for two seasons now. He wants to stay with her. She repeatedly says she wants to stay with him. Alas, he is a member of an institution that doesn’t allow open, long-term heterosexual relationships. These arcs conclude with Sam stating his determination to stay with Gilly, without actually addressing the source of the problem, or making Sam actually pick.

(10:45) Yay! It wasn’t a Sam-and-Gilly scene without Sam saying that nobody matters to him but Gilly and Baby Sam! This is not romantic. This is not funny. This is selfish and callous.

(11:05) Double down! Apparently Sam is the only one who’s ever cared about Gilly. Sisters? What sisters?

(11:51) Once again we hit dreamlike music, and all these tight shots giving no context help. This is a flashback.

(12:10) Especially as we see the Targaryen sigil on this gentleman’s breastplate. We don’t even have to see Bran and Bloodraven.

(12:23) Oh Bran, I’m so sorry. Two scenes in a row you’ve had to look at a flashback and tell the audience, “that’s my father!” Yes, this man with a Ned-like haircut and wearing Ned-like clothing, in what is clearly a flashback, may indeed be Ned. Bran could have maybe started with “Who’s that standing next to my father?”

(12:42) And how on earth would Bran know Ser Arthur Dayne from a bar of soap? Westeros does not have photography, and Ser Arthur isn’t wearing any distinctive armour. Let Bloodraven do the introductions of the people Bran doesn’t know personally, since he clearly knows what we’re all watching right now.

(13:06) This scene…this scene is such a failure of adaptation. The show’s writers have adapted other scenes from the books faithfully and well, but this one…everything points to a lack of understanding what this scene was supposed to achieve in its original context, for both plot and character.

This scene was originally presented to us as a fever dream of Ned’s, lacking in certain details - like the faces of Ned’s companions. The conversation also flows oddly, in a more self-consciously storytelling fashion, which, again, fever dream of events sixteen years gone. The context here is that we’re seeing events as they happened…and the dialogue has stayed far too close to the same.

Worst of all, this scene is five seasons out of place. This flashback is from A Game of Thrones, and it’s not just there because of foreshadowing, it’s there because it tells us a lot about Ned. It was relevant to why Ned did the things he did in AGoT, and how he did them. Without that context, this scene has a lot of work to do to establish relevance and emotional resonance.

(13:37) And this. This line is the worst of them all. “Where’s my sister?” “I wish you good fortune in the wars to come.” What the fuck. How does that flow at all? The only purpose this line could serve is in finishing the conversation, but no, that job is taken by “and now it begins.” No, this is someone in the writing room being totally enamoured by their own work with the “wars to come” lines.

(13:48) All dramatic tension immediately punctured by Arthur Dayne dual-wielding bastard swords. (Look at Dayne’s hands at this timestamp, and note the space between hand and pommel on each - there’s room for him to use both weapons two-handed.) Ahahahahahahahaha oh my, no, if there was any justice in this flashback he’d’ve been stabbed full of holes in short order.

(13:55) Someone really screwed up the instructions for delivery on this line. “Now it ends” is not a badass boast but a profound statement of regret. Again, context is ruining this - in the dream, Ned is sad and resigned because he’s had this dream before, and he already knows it ends with the deaths of most of his friends, all the kingsguard present, and Lyanna.

(14:10) Deaths: 1.

(14:17) Deaths: 2. Ned’s kill. Wasn’t expecting to have to revise his series tally.

(14:45) Deaths: 3. Arthur Dayne’s kill.

(14:56) Deaths: 4. Arthur Dayne’s second kill.

(15:02) Deaths: 5. Arthur Dayne’s third kill.

(15:36) Here, when Bran and Bloodraven are discussing comparative skill at swordsmanship, is where I am finally going to mention it. Arthur Dayne isn’t better, and he isn’t believably better; the choreographers cheated to make this a closer fight. But there’s only so much the poor choreographers could do after the decision was made to have Arthur Dayne dual-wield longswords. (Anyone know who made that decision?) Longswords are not dual-wield weapons. ‘Cause they’re long. And heavy. It’s hard to coordinate them. It tires the arms. And it shows. We just saw a lot of stuntmen wait their turns in that fight, because the stuntman playing Arthur Dayne cannot move twice as much weapon as the others at the same speed. Like I said, if there was justice to this scene, it would have ended in thirty seconds or so. 

This is not an inevitability of production, either - this could be fixed with better shot choices, or simply by not having Ser Arthur dual-wield longswords of all things.

(15:47) “My father beat him.” “Did he?” plus “I heard the story a thousand times” equals Ned has been lying to his children, more than once, about defeating Arthur Dayne. There’s no “he would have killed me but for Howland Reed” involved in the show’s version.

(16:09) “He stabbed him in the back.” Hold up there! First, back in season four, stabbing someone else in the back in these heated combat situations was a good thing, and fighting with honour was silly and counterproductive! Now it’s bad? Second, in any case (and this is an ongoing gripe), this sort of thing is a total non-event in terms of honour. This is not an honour duel, this is pitched melee combat. Events such as Ser Arthur stepping back in the middle of battle until his opponent had re-armed are exceptional; Howland Reed getting back up and re-engaging in the fight by stabbing his original opponent is perfectly fair. This is a failure of combat awareness on Ser Arthur’s part. In other words, this is a distasteful bit of character bashing from the writers which, like “uh, Jorah Mormont is a slaver, not a traitor (stupid Ned)” back in season one, stems from the writers’ own ignorance.

(16:21) Deaths: 6. Arthur Dayne, killed by Howland Reed and Ned Stark.

(16:30) Oh hey! The most important aspect of this scene! Ned and Lyanna! Forgot about that with all the shiny shiny swords swinging around.

(16:48) So they do establish that the things Bran does in flashback can have an effect on what happens in those flashbacks.

(17:00) But we’re yanked away quite obviously to preserve a reveal for later.

(17:24) “What’s in that tower?” is possibly the shallowest question to ask. Anyone paying a whit of attention, even show-only viewers I’d bet, could tell you it’s Lyanna in that tower. So far so obvious. What matters to the story is how Ned felt about events in that tower, and how he reacted to events in that tower, and how Jon feels and reacts when he finds out.

Only…in this version of the story, Ned’s dead, and this is being presented in isolation from Jon. The writers aren’t giving Bran a story, they’re telling Jon’s through Bran to the detriment of both.

(17:37) This is, if anything, made more apparent when they at last try to write how Bran feels about the situation. “You will never walk again, Bran, but you will fly” and “I want to be a knight” isn’t coming through. It’s not the centre of the story but an afterthought.

(18:32) Abs & pecs: 2. Also, they believe Dany’s a khal’s widow, but they haven’t let her bathe or brush her hair or given her a horse?

(18:55) Abs & pecs: 4.

(19:10) Abs & pecs: 5.

(19:51) And this scene of Dany being forcibly stripped was written in…why? What does it add? We’re all very aware of the sexual threats to her, thanks. What would it change if Dany was instructed to change her clothing?

(21:47) The lead Dosh Khaleen here speaks with a total lack of agency. “With luck” Dany’s place will be here? The khals decide what to do with her? The Dosh Khaleen have authority and power. Very narrowly circumscribed, definitely intended to bolster a patriarchal structure, but it’s still a sort of power. I’m thinking this goes back to the writers’ shallow understanding of feminism. They seem to think that if a woman makes decisions, it’s automatically feminist (see also the “feminist” Tyrells) - not seeing that women can make decisions to disempower other women, or to uphold patriarchal power structures, or to act in a way that reinforces patriarchal and gender-essentialist beliefs, while men are entirely capable of making feminist decisions. The only way the writers know to depict a patriarchy is to take women’s decisions away entirely; the only way they know how to change this into a feminist story structure is to give women decisions.

The pattern I see here is that the writers seem to think that morality is decided by the actor, rather than the action. Here it’s expressed as “woman deciding = feminist; man deciding = patriarchal,” but it explains so much about other aspects of the series’ morality.

(21:57) Scene with Varys starts here.

(22:26) Actual conversation starts here, thirty seconds later. Micro-padding to extend a scene!

(22:43) “I am not a torturer. Though it is so often what people deserve.” 

[extensive curse-laden rant omitted]

This isn’t the first pro-torture sentiment we’ve heard on the show (for example, Theon’s “I deserve it”) but this is a man in power, whose ideas we are meant to respect, blithely saying “people OFTEN deserve to be tortured.” The positioning matters. This isn’t Ramsay going “yay torture!” which the audience will then see is a bad thing, this is one of our nominal heroes, aligned with more modern values within the show, discussing the morality of torture. I refer you back to “morality comes from the actor, not the action.” Ramsay torturing people is bad! Varys torturing people…they probably deserved it.

(23:02) After multiple appearances, we finally get a name for this Meereenese sex worker! Her name is Vala.

(24:22) Shades of Karsi. Vala here is a woman. Time to bring up whether she’s reproduced! Let’s also write this scene where she forgoes her beliefs because of her child! That last one is understandable and reasonable, but that motivation is applied overwhelmingly to female characters. I swear, the last male character we saw forgoing his beliefs because of his child was Ned, falsely confessing to save Sansa…and Ned has been portrayed as extremely unintelligent for that action. Meanwhile there are multiple examples of female characters motivated by their children and changing their perspectives because of children.

(24:28) “Children are blameless. I have never hurt them.” It’s funny because it’s meta.

(25:38) So that was three and a half minutes to learn…nothing, actually, since we cut away and what Varys learns from this is summarised in this next scene. Macro-padding, adding a scene for no effect!

(25:51) The very first line in this scene is “what shall we do while we wait?” Wait for what? The plot to start? There is no excuse for this. Meereen is a city in crisis - these three should be working day and night, constantly in meetings, constantly on patrol, constantly working on correspondence. For a plotline that is supposedly about Tyrion’s fabulous rule of Meereen, he’s not doing much.

(26:12) I choose to interpret Grey Worm’s statement that if Tyrion weren’t here, he’d be talking about patrol, as a smackdown. If Tyrion wasn’t here, Grey Worm wouldn’t be “passing the time,” he’d be doing his job. Yet this is framed as Grey Worm being a stick-in-the-mud.

(26:32) “A wise man once said, the true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.” “Who said this?” “Me. Just now.” How much of an egotistical tosser do you have to be to say this unironically? Someone in the writers’ room is getting an inflated head, I think…

(27:08) This is painful. This is really, really painful. Nothing is happening except Tyrion trying to liven up the party and constantly misjudging. At this timestamp, Tyrion’s accidentally reminded Missandei of the “games” her former enslaver had her “play.” What a wacky misunderstanding!

(27:46) Finally, the plot! Such as it is! That only took another two minutes. And once again, I choose to interpret Varys “sorry, I was busy learning who funds the Sons of the Harpy” as a rebuke of Tyrion. It works well, doesn’t it?

(28:01) That said, the reveal that the dispossed slaving classes of Astapor and Yunkai, plus the vested interests of Volantis, are funding the insurgency in Meereen? Not worth five minutes of scenes. It’s a fairly obvious sort of conclusion - Varys should be coming back saying he can identify specific families or businesses.

(28:52) Here’s a good example of one of the big problems with this season - the developments take place off-screen. This is the Unspoken Plan Guarantee. If you tell the audience what your characters plan, that plan cannot go off without a hitch, but if you hide the plan from the audience, that plan can succeed. Unfortunately, invoke it too often and/or too early, and your characters sit around the plot waiting for their success while the audience is left in the dark as to what the general approach is, what the stakes are, and what anyone’s supposed to be doing here anyway. And when the plot does hit, you’re left asking “that’s it? Tyrion just wanted to speak with these people?”

By the way, Tyrion did not drink in this scene. He carried a half-empty cup of wine the whole time but did not take a sip on camera.

(29:17) This was actually a fairly smooth bit of writing for later seasons of GoT, implying that Qyburn earned this kid’s service by offing his abusive dad. Why is it they employ their smooth writing for tiny details like that, but can’t lead up to stuff like Jon’s assassination with anything like that skill?

(29:29) In the same episode where Varys said people so often deserve to be tortured, that’s the episode where we confirm that show!Varys never had childrens’ tongues cut out to serve as safer spies for him. Also he gave them sugared plums!

(30:10) “No need to be afraid. This is Ser Gregor.” Just openly confirming that this is Gregor Clegane.

(30:55) The High Sparrow has hundreds of Faith Militant. I’ll see if I can remember that figure.

(31:05) The Faith has not levelled official charges at Cersei yet.

(31:28) “If someone is planning to turn our losses into their gains, I want to hear it. If someone is laughing at the queen who walked naked through the streets covered in shit, I want to hear.” This is half good, half bad. The take-away from this is that Cersei is vindictive and paranoid…for wanting good information on her known enemies? Huh? The good part of it was the second part, where she asks for information on people laughing at her, when we’ve already seen Ser Gregor there kill a man for doing exactly that.

At the same time, that scene didn’t accomplish a whole lot either.

(31:58) Pycelle seems to be the only one vaguely concerned about the necromancy issue with Qyburn, and he’s being portrayed as a doddering old fool? Everyone knows it’s a reanimated Gregor, by the way.

(32:34) Westeros does not have dowager queens now? The absolute disrespect Olenna shows to Cersei there is over the line. Even book!Olenna doesn’t act like that towards Cersei.

(33:04) Hey, a handwave of why Ser Barristan wasn’t on the Small Council! Also, a nice repeat of the chair drama, this time ending in its utter failure!

(33:11) Asking about Myrcella’s death and the consequences is completely legitimate. This is not irrational or foolish of Cersei or Jaime in the slightest.

(33:36) This was so childish. After a scene of watching Cersei reminded repeatedly and condescendingly that she’s powerless (for some reason; I’m not sure why nobody has mentioned she’s the head of House Lannister now, the Lady of Casterly Rock in her own right), and her very legitimate concerns about her treatment by the Faith, the assassination of her daughter (Tommen’s heir in her own right), and the coup in Dorne brushed off, I think we’re supposed to feel bad for her? I mean, how could you not feel at least a bit bad for her when the people she’s trying to talk to say “we don’t recognise you have a stake in this and we’re not going to talk about it with you”?

But having Gregor murder them all, now, that’s an idea…

(34:35) Cersei will be able to see Myrcella’s grave when she’s fully atoned for her sins? Like…by doing a walk of shame, for those sins that she confessed? This does not make sense…for someone driven purely by faith.

(34:47) Thank you, Tommen, for pointing that out. The High Sparrow’s saying she must stand trial, but there are no charges at this point. Presumably there are going to be charges at some future date. This still does not change the fact that by all logic, the High Sparrow should want Cersei in a sept observing religious rites.

(35:03) In spite of the fact this scene is utter nonsense, Jonathan Pryce acts his socks off. Just check out how he forces Tommen to ask him what the crown means, giving him power to define the role for the ensuing conversation.

(35:26) And dismissing his own armed men to force Tommen into getting his own to stand down, which not incidentally leaves Tommen as only a young boy ignorant in the ways of kingship, versus the experienced High Sparrow in the heart of his power. Whenever we see one-on-one scenes like this, the High Sparrow proves himself to be an exceptional manipulator. (Whether or not the script recognises this, now…)

(36:13) If this scene was meant to show the High Sparrow’s desire and further attempts to force Cersei into an idealised, circumscribed role as mother to the king, it was terrific! If this scene was meant to talk up motherhood in an episode that aired on Mother’s Day, it sucked, because it failed to acknowledge that this was a speech given by a misogynistic religious figure attempting to use religion to control women, in the context of manipulating a woman’s son into joining his agenda.

(37:29) This was less subtle, compared to the blocking of this scene (which is so, so good), but adequately gets to the point that the High Sparrow wants direct access to Tommen. And where his actions in barring Cersei from Myrcella’s grave make no sense for a man driven solely by faith, it’s brutally effective from a man who wants to force the king to come see him in person and increase his own power in the capital.

(38:07) Obligatory complaint about terrible lighting.

(38:19) Those first few shots worked more to show us Arya learning from her blindness than the previous two scenes. Clear sounds, slow pace, careful taps to keep her aware. Much better than just beating her.

(38:23) Oh, darn. Hang on, they haven’t learned their lesson, they’re still beating Arya for lying without telling her specifically what she’s doing wrong. Is it the lying, or is it how she’s lying? If the latter, what’s the flaw? Either way we’re back to beating up Arya for no good reason.

(38:33) The voiceover also makes no sense, since given the structure of the past seasons and the structure of this one, this should be Arya’s lowest point of “Arya-ness.” Her dialogue about Arya Stark’s very own thoughts and her relationship with her family don’t get across the risk to Arya’s identity. Not even “they may be dead, for all a girl knows.”

(39:22) Weird prioritising of the Hound in Arya’s storyline. Arya’s more important to Sandor’s development than Sandor is to Arya’s. She speaks longer about Sandor, with more reference to her emotions, than she does about all her siblings combined.

(40:33) Indeed, it is a short list! As if some names mysteriously dropped off it when the character died in someone else’s plot.

(41:04) Over in the visuals department, we just saw Arya evade a blow for the first time, block another, and get a hit back in. We got treated to two more minutes of Arya being hit repeatedly in the head and stomach first. Here she blocks one more blow, to her own surprise, and the music rises, letting us know that Arya has achieved mastery of blind stick-hitting! Yes, by blocking one wild strike! This is some marginal improvement.

(42:44) This water killed people last season. This season, it cures blindness!

Problems with the execution aside, that’s what we needed from the Arya scenes in the first two episodes - a montage to show her improving with her assassin skills, while feeling increasingly divorced from her identity as Arya Stark. Meaning that the scenes in the first two episodes were totally redundant!

(43:17) We’re now seeing a second Northern house declare for Ramsay, because fuck the Starks, that’s why.

(43:23) Man called “cunt”: 1.

(43:30) Man called “cunt”: 2. Also, Jon Umber knows that Ramsay’s a kinslayer, but doesn’t care. I was sure there was some kind of taboo about this.

(43:53) Jon Umber’s here because Jon Snow let the Free Folk through the Wall. So he’s asking Ramsay to do his job as Warden of the North. Unlike last season, where Ramsay was a touch flay-happy, this season we’ll see Ramsay actually amass support from other houses. If you act like a mad dog, you’ll be treated like a mad dog, remember?

(44:34) Oh, I remember being so hopeful that this meant the Umbers were hewing closer to their book plot and planning to betray the Boltons! Why else wouldn’t Jon Umber swear loyalty, and it would make a lot of sense given the nature of the book plot. He even references the Red Wedding as a reason not to swear! But no, it’s played straight, he’s not swearing loyalty because fuck feudalism (even as he calls on feudal obligation to benefit him).

(45:05) Ah, see, that joke about Ramsay preferring redheads is hilarious, because he raped Sansa!

(45:27) And just in case we didn’t think Karstark was evil, let’s just casually throw in that he’s a paedophile.

(45:37) I’m so sorry, Rickon and Osha! You two deserved better! Rickon at least deserved a line!

(46:01) First direwolf death of the season. That’s three of six direwolves dead total.

(47:11) We have here four perpetrators. What happened to the other half dozen guys who stabbed Jon?

(47:49) We’re still ignoring the fact that Alliser Thorne opened the gates for the Free Folk himself. And then decided that this was a very bad thing and he should knife the Lord Commander who ordered it.

(49:21) Deaths: 10, all four at Jon Snow’s hands. Alliser Thorne, Olly, plus two extras.

(49:39) Then we’re treated to a nice close-up of Olly’s dead face, after he was denied lines.

(50:40) “My watch has ended.” How unethical. He stays Lord Commander exactly long enough to cover his revenge, then walks out. Not to mention it might even negate the loophole; I can see elements in the Night’s Watch using “and now his watch has ended” as an excuse not to take Jon back post-resurrection, but here we see Jon, post-resurrection, acting as a man of the Watch. Just long enough to personally exact his revenge. Yay!

Game of Numbers S06E03

Deaths: 10. Ned killed two people in flashback, including Ser Arthur Dayne. Jon killed four people, including Alliser Thorne and Olly.

Boobs: 0.

Abs & pecs: 5. Four were Dothraki.

Woman called “cunt”: 0.

Man called “cunt”: 2.