#the tv show making him an asshole does not accomplish anything though because it just makes him unlikable

[emily-mooon]

Emily of New Moon deserves to have its own Anne with an E. It would work so well too considering the fact that the books are very dark and it would do a good job of expanding the characters, particularly my boy Teddy Kent because he was done dirty in the show from the 90s.

[theincuhusbands]

The Jealous Cold Shoulder - (James x Reader)

Summary – James has been acting cold and distant towards Y/N and their sick of it. He was their best friend. The one they always wanted to talk to and their determined to get to the bottom of this, Will things get worse if they call him out on it?

Warnings – Strong Language, Fighting, Kissing, Long, Stressed Reader

Word Count – 1963

I smiled as I snuggled into my new fluffy blanket, relishing in its warmth. I had been so stressed out about school lately, I’d barely had a moment to think. Matthew created this blanket for me while I was at school so now, I get to snuggle up in the library and read my favourite book for the billionth time.

When I mentioned that I was going to go read in the library I had hoped that someone would join me… but he didn’t seem interested. Usually, James and I could spend hours in the library by the fire talking about our favourite books or my favourite TV shows, that’s what made me fall head over heels for him. The way he said my name, like sweet honey dripping off his lips, could make me buckle at the knees. His laugh echoing throughout the room filling it beautifully, but recently, it’s as if he’s put off by the thought of spending time with me.

I understand that I might not be the best to be around when I’m stressed but I guess he must be quite stressed too, with the company and all. With all my feelings aside, I miss spending time with him.

I sigh as I flick through the chapters of my book trying to find my favourite one. Today it doesn’t seem to be bringing the usual joy. I eventually find the page and start reading but it doesn’t take long for me to put the book back on the shelf.

I guess just not today…

My attention is quickly drawn to the hall as I see the blurs of Matthew running away from Sam. I giggle as I start to run after them, sliding around corners in my socks to catch up. I eventually catch Sam and lunge for him, jumping onto his back. All three of us laugh as I gently hit Sam on the back.

We snap out of it though as soon as we hear a very annoyed “Ahem.”

I look up to see James standing with a spilt coffee all over his grey jumper. I hear Sam snicker and look to see Matthew trying to hide his smile. I walk over to James and try to take his cup but he yanks it away from me, just spilling more tea onto the floor and himself. “You three should watch where you’re going.” His voice was stern and powerful.

I was used to him telling Matthew and Sam off but he had NEVER spoke to me like that. “Em, what?” James looks down at me with disgust in his eyes. The look shoots right through me making my stomach drop to the floor. That one look made me feel worse than anything anyone’s ever said to me, well maybe besides my father.

“I expected better from you.”

I cross my arms and snort back. “Yeah, well this is my house. I’ll do what I want asshole.”

James looks at me for a second studying my face. I don’t think he was expecting me to say anything back, least of all that. “Your behaving like a little girl. Y/N. What would your grandfather say if he could see you right now?”

I felt blood rush to my face as I took a step back lowering my face to the floor. The venom dripping from his voices cut through me like a knife. The name he used to say so sweetly, now used against me. I felt utterly humiliated. I look to the side to see Sam and Matthew’s faces. Their twisted in anger or mortification… to be honest it could be either. Sam’s fists were balled up. “That’s too far James.”

In that moment something in James’s eyes snapped. His face fell as the realisation sunk in of what he had just said. I felt my eyes start to well with tears and my vision become blurry. I furiously wiped my tears with my sleeve.

“Y/N I-“

“Get away from me!” I lashed out screaming. James tried to step forward to say something but before the words could come out, I cut him off. “Don’t talk to me you bastard!” I quickly turned on my heal, running out of the room as more and more tears fell from my eyes.

I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door shut, sliding down it I sob harder and harder into my hands. What did I do to him?! I hear loud knocking on the door as someone tries the knob. “Your highness? Can I come in?”

There’s no point in punishing Erik… He didn’t do anything wrong. I stand up and open the door, standing back into the middle of my room. Erik comes in quietly and locks the door. When he sees me his face melts. “Highness...”

He sweeps me up into a bear hug, wrapping me tightly in his arms as I sob into his chest. Erik sighs leaning his head on top of mine. “Highness… if your grandfather saw you now… he’d be proud beyond compare! Think of all the things you’ve accomplished!” I sniffle and look up at Erik.

“It’s not even that that bothers me… he knows that stings and he said it anyway… why would he say that though?”

Erik smiles weakly. “Because as smart as my brother likes to think he is. He really isn’t, especially not when it comes to- …”

I look up at Erik puzzled waiting for him to finish his sentence but he never does. “When it comes to?” Erik goes a slight shade of pink probably realising he’s said too much. “You… Highness” I pull back from Erik slightly moving over to sit on my bed. “Me?”

Erik nods as he makes his way over to my nightstand. He picks up a small framed photo of all the boys, Diana, Saero and I at the beach. We’re all laughing and having fun. It’s definitely one of my favourites! And not just because James has his arm around me. “When it comes to you Highness… although it may not seem like it right now… James cares a great deal about you. More than I’ve seen him care about anyone who isn’t one of us…”

“Then why would he-“

“He’s confused. He’s not good at this sort of stuff. I know it’s horrible but just let him work himself out.” Erik sits beside me gently pressing the frame into my hands. I gently run my fingers over James’s face. I nod slowly and Erik leans in to hug me.

-------

By the time seven o’clock rolls around, Sam, Damien and Matthew have all asked me to come down and join them for dinner. Each time I declined though. I have decided to plunge myself back into school work, working on a 5,000-word scripted essay due for next month.

I sit with my headphones on, listening to the new album I bought. I was about half way through it when I felt a gently tap on my shoulder. I turned around taking my headphones off and jumped in surprise to see James.

His face was torn in guilt. His eyebrows were glued together and his eyes were filled with sadness. His hair was slightly messy and ruffled, a really odd thing for the perfectionist. The sight of him almost made me forget all the anger and sadness. Almost.

“What are you doing in here?”

“I knocked but you didn’t answer…”

“Ever think that was because I didn’t want to talk to you?”

It was a lie of course. I had been hoping all afternoon that he would come upstairs so we could get over this. I had been looking over my shoulder every few minutes hoping to see him standing there however, he seemed to have believed me. He sighs and runs his hands through his messy hair. “I… deserved that…”

He walks over to the side of my desk, perching himself on it. “I’m sorry Y/N… I really am… I just got so… angry…”

“but why?” I stood up from my chair looking at his face, hoping for any sign, any hint of an answer. His gaze dropped from my face to the ground at my feet. “Y/N please come down stairs and eat… you shouldn’t have to-“

“Don’t tell me what to do James.” I warn him. Not viciously but with enough warning in there that he knew I was serious. He nods, still refusing to make eye contact with me. This was too strange. I had to know.

“James tell me why you were angry.”

My voice sounded more like a plea than I would have wish but it finally got James to lift his eyes, if only for a moment. “I… if I say- you must promise to eat.” I nod to him sitting on my bed, getting comfortable and preparing for whatever he is about to say. “I was jealous… you were spending time with Sam and Matthew…” I look at him, dumbfounded in shock. He was jealous of Matthew and Sam? I couldn’t help but let out a shocked simple laugh. James looked at me, his face still covered in guilt.

“But you’ve been avoiding-“

And it suddenly clicked. It was a clear as day to me. I could hear Erik’s words ringing in my ears.

James cares a great deal about you, He’s not good at this sort of stuff. 

and now he’s jealous of Sam and Matthew.

Suddenly I became determined. I had to make him say it. Out loud. “And why were you jealous?” He says nothing. He doesn’t move. He’s silent. I look up at him, I can feel my face burning and my fists ball up as I stand on my knees.

“Why?”

“…”

“Say it!”

“I’m in love with you Y/N…”

I sit back down, in stunned silence. He actually said it. I stare at him saying nothing, almost in a hazy daze. He stares back at me, looking almost terrified. “Y/N say something… please…”

“Why?” It’s nothing more than a whisper but it’s all I can manage. I feel tears start to form in my eyes. “Why ignore me? Why say what you did? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

James shakes his head looking to the ground. “Because I love you and it scares me… Y/N I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt like this before…”

“Well, me neither.” The tears start to overflow as a couple spill out my cheeks. James looks at me shocked. He walks over to me and kneels in front of my bed to be at my level. He gently lifts his hand to wipe a couple of stray tears. “What did you just-“

I cut him off by grabbing his shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. The kiss is needy and passionate and he responds almost immediately. My hands wonder to his chest as his hands roam up my body and tangle themselves into my hair. I pull him closer to me and toss him onto the bed, climbing on top of him. “I love you too… I don’t know what I’d do without you… please don’t shut me out.”

James shakes his head as he cups my face with his hands. “Not anymore love…” He kisses me again except this time it’s softer, more tender. I lean into it, wanting to be as close to James as possible. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to me. After a while we pull apart to catch our breath and James’s half-smile makes my heart skip a beat. He’s utterly gorgeous.

“Will you join me for dinner now, Y/N?

My face flushes red as I nod, grinning ear to ear. “I’d love to.”

[aclosetfan]

Sorry for the lack of content :/ (like I gave much anyway lmao) wanted to do stuff for WIP Wednesday, but I have writers block :/

so have my “character sheet” for Brick instead. I know, I know 🙄 another list of head canons, I’m sorry! Its not a hot take on his character, but I make him not Cool (tm). He doesn’t get a lot of dates lol. These are just vibes I try to give off when writing him. Some may look familiar!! I’ve posted about him before. Look under the cut:

- high intelligence, low wisdom, high drama

- has difficulty making friends b/c he’s too smart for his own good and is a rather intimidating arrogant asshole about it

- most of the time he acts that way on purpose to keep people out because he’s the one with the most abandonment issues. He’s an expert at building emotional walls. but a low key part of him still doesn’t get why he isn’t good at making friends. He has a tendency to feel lonely

- does not help that he also has a tendency to come off as condescending. He talks down to people often. social filters do not come easy to him.

- his intelligence doesn’t transfer well into a good work ethic. Pretty lazy and would prefer to shrink off work onto other people. He’s smart enough to talk his way out of things. Another reason why it’s hard for him to make friends, he’s a lazy a-hole. But why work harder when you can work smarter??

- not good with authority figures. He stirs the pot and makes things Difficult (tm)

- not shy but introverted.

- tired, so very tired. The poor kid has been through a lot :/ so when he “goes good” he catches up on sleep. He can sleep a looong ass time. People are a lil worried but they let him rest

- sleeping is still a bad coping skill. And it’s not his only one. Smokes when stressed. Doesn’t eat when he feels like his life is spiraling out of control. And he’s feels that his life is often spiraling out of control. Energy drinks and coffee. If he does eat, he’s really just snacking.

- a skinny kid with a lanky build. Probably too skinny, it worries his brothers. I wouldn’t see him as conventionally attractive. Super freckled with stick straight red hair that’s never tamed or brushed. Just runs his fingers through, pulls into a pony tail, and slaps his hat on. For a kid who’s always sleeping, he’s got dark circles under his eyes.

- Brick (depressed nihilist), who after three days realizes he still needs water to survive, would absolutely take a shot of water from his dirty ass water bottle and go “haha self care.” And Butch (not depressed b/c endorphins—Cue Elle Woods from Legally Blonde), who’s protein diet consists of him drinking two gallons of fucking water each day, would scream.

- but it’s not all bad for lil Brick. If you like dry wit he’s your guy. And when he’s in a particularly good mood he’ll even make fun of himself for the laughs.

- wears crocs unironically. Pajamas to school kid. Like do y’all remember that one girl who went to your high school and always wore the Cookie Monster pajamas pants?? That’s Brick.

- very passionate about the things he cares about and well versed in a good handful of topics from political debates to his fave dorky tv show. He can get pretty animated and it’s in those moments that people see him for who he truly is. Walls come down and he’s a nerdy dork. (Has a wide toothy smile that lights up a room/ he does not like this)

- but if he catches himself having too much fun he pulls back. He doesn’t like the idea of people rejecting him before he can reject them. Despite all that, he’s still a sucker for positive attention even if it embarrasses him (which makes him turn bright red—which is cute, but don’t tell him that). Easily flattered and can be bribed

- Very mischievous. Likes puzzles and riddles. Mystery games are his favorite. He knows how to make a quick buck off of people. One of those kids that some how always has money in their wallet even though you swear he doesn’t work

- takes command of situations very well. His methods of leadership aren’t by the book. He’s Mojo and HIMs son, he’s got some flair in him so his plans almost seem uncoordinated. But there’s a method to his madness. There’s no plan A B or C, but there is a goal and Brick always accomplishes that goal. He’s a quick thinker and has an easy time adjusting to sudden changes, but he does gripe about it if the sudden changes are not of his own doing. (Leadership style is where he differs the most from Blossom//she’s NOT laid back enough at all)

- most at home with his brothers. They’re his favorite people and they see the more passionate, animated side of him most often. Most relaxed around them. They make him feel safe. He doesn’t like them being separated for too long. When they “go good” he feels confident they won’t reject him/leave him behind, but gets his feeling hurt that they’re making friends without him. Boomer and Butch are his security blankets. He needs their unconditional support and relies on Boomer socially and Butch physically. They’re probably the only two people alive who could tell him to stfu and he’d maybe listen. They are also both his favorite people to pick on (that’s how he shows love)!

- closest person outside his brothers is Blossom. They actually become close because they play off each other’s differences quite well. He reminds her to chill, she challenged him to be better. He also can just say things to her and she just gets it without further explanation (Vice versa), which they both find refreshing. He would consider her his best friend if he’s ever admit they were friends.

- He appreciates Buttercup for her sense of humor and courage. He’ll admit she’s pretty tough to beat. She doesn’t expect anything of him and that’s a relief b/c half the time he’s at a loss when it comes to being good. She’s a good anchor for him to have.

- Bubbles, on the other hand, makes zero sense to him, but they get along by picking on Boomer. Bubbles swears her and Brick are best friends (despite their bickering—she’s the optimism to his natural pessimism). This 1) flusters Brick b/c obviously she wants something from him 2) or she’s being genuine and that’s somehow worse.

To sum up Brick’s characterization, remember this pic:

[thatgirlwritingficsatnight]

Odi et Amo II

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior  

Catullus, 85

After a few years of working in the USA for Disney and playing the role of The White Fox in Marvel Cinematic Universe you came back to your motherland - Korea only to be greeted with hatred and contempt. To make things harder for you the universe sends you the most irritating neighbour ™. Will you be able to find your happiness and  accomplish your dream of becoming loved actress in Korea without complying with standards of patriarchal society?

pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader

genre: actor au

warnings: angst, foul language (please don’t read it if you’re not old enough)

words: 5764

A/N: It was supposed to be published last week, but I was unhappy with it and ended up rewriting it/adding some things. Sorry! (*_ _)人 P.S Sorry for my grammatical errors! Enjoy!

Chapter I

***

Currently sitting in front of your manager you eyed him. He seemed tired and you felt a pang of conscience it was probably because of your tweets last night and you wouldn’t even think of meeting him if you weren’t in dire need of getaway from the uncomfortable conversation with your neighbor. You didn’t meet in your agency’s building since both of you despised the place even though it was a new and flashy building made out of something that looked like a white marble. Both of you agreed on meeting outside it, so you were sitting in the café nearby while wondering how did your shitty boss manage to rent it. Last time you’ve been here, it was a few rooms in shabby, old building. You shivered while imagining going in, that place had an evil aura even from across the street.

"Where did you get all that money to rent it?" you asked.

"We actually bought it." 

"Well, business goes well then."

"Actually we are only able thanks to your movies. Don’t tell Kim Pd-nim I told you, he thinks you'll become arrogant."

"I already am." You smiled coldly.

"That's what I told him."

Your manager had a sarcastic smirk on. Both of you and hated your CEO and even mentioning him would bring up unpleasant memories. Kim Sanghoon was one of those bosses who wouldn't even think about trying to help idols and stars that were bringing him money. No matter what it was — crazy fans destroying your life, death threats, your collapsing mental health he didn’t care. Once you were attacked by media and netizens you were on your own and if it was too much for the company your contract was terminated. You often wondered when would you become too much for them to handle.

"How do you feel?" Your manager caught you off guard, even though you had known each other for a long time there was an unspoken rule between you not to talk about other things than work.

"Honesty..I'm fine I don't understand why everyone asks me that." You huffed a bit irritated and run fingers through your hair. 

"Well it's just.. I know it was important to you and you worked hard to earn the hearts of your Korean fa..."

"I'm fine." you didn't manage to hide irritation in your voice. You were not used to talking about it and you didn't like it one bit. Besides what were you supposed to say anyway? No one else was as hated as you. Of course there were idols and stars that were occasionally criticized but not one of them was constantly a target of such hatred. Even when you left there were still death threats send from your motherland to you, nothing changed. Not to mention no one else got such welcoming on the day of return to their home. It was unfair, stupid, infuriating and saddening. And yet you couldn’t understand what people were expecting of you? Both Mark and your manager knew you, or so you thought. What were you supposed to do? Cry? You wouldn't cry, that was what weak people do, that would show you actually care about what those assholes think about you. You were just fine. Ok. Neither sad nor happy. You'd endure whatever you had to but you won't conform to their image of idol and woman nor will you show any sign of weakness. You'd rather stay hated than do that. Your manager sighed and it pulled you out of your thoughts.

"Well then. If you're okay then I'm glad. So just as I told you I have this drama for you if you're interested." You weren't the slightest bit. Frankly you'd rather stay in bed for the next three months jobless than play some crazy villain or villainous second female lead. Then again you felt bad about the amount of work he probably had because of you. You looked him in the eyes and answered with a sigh.

"I can't promise anything but I can at least listen what it’s about.." Your manager seemed surprised, but he didn't wait long, perhaps in case you'd change your mind. He took out some papers and handed them to you. You cringed on the sole title "Love is your destiny" — it sounded sappy. 

"So it's a love story between fallen angel and this human..." he started.

"Angels...so who do they want me to play? Satan? Devil? Succubus?" You browsed through pages to find the villain.

"You'd know if you'd let me finish." You sent him a small apologetic smile. "They want you to play the main role." You stared at him confused before you burst with laughter.

"They want me to play cute girl in love with the angel?" The idea of you playing the sweet female lead was absurd, not that you weren’t able to do it, you were a good actress it wouldn’t be a problem for you, if anything it would most likely be a challenge for the audience.

"No, no! You'd play the angel. See this is drama with strong female lead. The origin of your character is fascinating. You had to watch the mistreatment of a woman extremely devoted to god. The lady prayed, but she still got beaten, almost killed even. Moreover, you had to be the guardian angel of her torturer — the aggressive husband. You pleaded to god, you asked him to let you guard her instead, but he didn’t agree and forbade you from intervening. One night when the husband got drunk, he beat her unconscious and you were sure he’d kill her. You decided to save her, you kill her husband and this is the moment when you fell. That's when you became deviant and promised yourself you'd help those who were denied it. You’d protect them and avenge them. Fast-forward a thousand years, and we are in Seoul and you meet a man, a painter..." He was so excited you almost didn't understand some words because of the speed. He was waiting for your response but you were too occupied with reading what he handed you. Once you finished it you looked at him with a mix of surprise and excitement.

"It's like it was made for me.." you said with bewildered tone.

"That's because it was made for you. The screenwriter wrote it with you in mind." You looked like a cartoon character, eyes wide, mouth in a shape of letter "o", once you heard him.

"Me?"

"Yes. She is apparently a big fan."

"And tvN is ok with that?" You furrowed your brows confused.

"Perhaps they aren't. But it is co-production with Netflix, and they pushed for you since you’re popular worldwide." 

Your heart fluttered and the tips of your fingers tingled from excitement as you rummaged through the pages once again, not only it would be showed in TV during the prime-time but also streamed on Netflix weekly.

"The screenwriter and producer kept calling me since yesterday as soon as it was known you came back. They almost cast someone else. They were sure you're staying in the USA. Isn't it amazing?" He was as excited as you were and you felt some remorse for being so rude to him before. You gave him your warmest smile, one you usually used only around Mark and your family.

"It really is. Thank you and I'm sorry for being rude earlier." He was clearly uncomfortable with your apology, red spreading on his cheeks as he waved his hand dismissively.

"Ah don't mention it. Does that mean I can call them and say you are interested." You looked at the pages in front of you once again and smiled broadly before simply saying.

"Yes!"

Jinyoung was still amused you threatened him in his own café. He couldn't focus on the book he had in his hands anymore as he chuckled replying your angered and irritated expressions in his head. It was fun to tease you because you reacted so well. He could tell you could be great friends if you'd let him. He smiled to himself mouthing your own words "bloody Y/N". He was truly shocked that he met you here of all places and found it rather amusing when you yelled in English and caught his attention. He felt some disappointment upon seeing a half naked man talking to you from the screen of your phone but the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came up once your friend ended the call. Jinyoung wouldn't call himself a noisy person, but he found you interesting, and he wanted to know who it was and what kind of relationship you had although he rarely cared for stuff like this... His thoughts were interrupted by his ring-tone, BamBam's face illuminated the screen. He sighed but answered it anyway.

"Skrrrt, skrrt!"

"Ah yes, good morning to you to Bam." Jinyoung said in amused tone.

"Oh, hyung you seem in good mood. What you're up to?"

"Reading, thinking."

"Sounds boring wanna hang out?"

"Actually I wanted to ask you about something." Jinyoung ignored his question once he remembered how obsessed with celebrities and their styles Bam was.

"Shoot."

"Do you know any celebrities under the name Y/N." BamBam laughed wholeheartedly.

"That's very funny hyung."

"What do you mean?"

"OMG you're not joking! Are you living under a rock, hyung? Y/N is like the hottest actress ever. Her style is chic and comfy and artsy it's really cool, and she actually doesn't have a stylist, she does it on her ow..."

"She is an actress?"

"She is the actress! She played the White Fox in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Lol, you call yourself an actor and you don't know the most popular Korean actress abroad."

"You know I don't like those superheroes movies. Besides why didn't I hear about her Korean career if she's so good?"

"You are so old it scares me sometimes. Well you should know her from internet. I think it's national sport to hate her or something. She just came back, and they're already frying her online not to mention the media and dating rumors."

"Dating rumors?"

"Yeah she dated few actors. I think Seojoon hyung dated her and Changwook hyung even almost proposed. The media made her to look like heartless vixen though. I mean they never liked her but her last ex gave a very unfavorable interview to dispatch and after that she became villain number one. She left shortly after."

"Mmmm... I see." Jinyoung only started his career four years ago so it shouldn't be weird you've never met before. He was also the type of person who couldn't care less about internet gossip and gutter press or dispatch. He sighed. Suddenly your angry reaction made much more sense and Jinyoung didn't feel as good about it as he did before. He scolded himself for being too frivolous and selfish. He just wanted to see your reactions - it was cute and funny...

"Why did you ask? OMG you've met her didn't you. I'm so jealous. What was she wearing? Was it Gucci? I heard she likes it."

"Ok Bam. I have to go. Thanks for the talk."

"Wait, so you wanna hang out?"

"Last time when you asked me to hang out I had to shop for 4 hours with you."

"Well... I am your stylist. Besides, it was fun, come on." 

"I think we have different definitions of "fun""

You woke up to no noise pleasantly surprised. It seems that Sunday's were free from renovation and thanks to that you could sleep in. You stretched out and grabbed the phone to check the time. It was already past eleven. You smiled to yourself and fell to bed lazily. Soon you wouldn't have time for lazy days like this as the production team was supposed to finish up casting for the drama by the end of the next week. You thought about picking some groceries, maybe cooking yourself some food and enjoying the day with a book or perhaps some video games. You took shower and put on some comfortable clothes — beige cardigan you stole from Mark clearly too big for you and some black trousers pairing it up with brown coat. You left the apartment and as soon as you did the irritating voice in your head reminded you about your debt. Hesitant at first you shook off the feeling quickly and knocked on the door. This time you were prepared for teasing, you were expecting it even so you wouldn't be caught off guard. At least that's what you were telling yourself. Your neighbor, however, didn't act the way you expected him to. Instead of smirking at you and teasing you or straight up mocking you, he seemed nervous. He had deep purple bags under his usually sparkling eyes. Perhaps he didn’t feel well... you wondered whether you should ask him if he needed some help. You decided it would be extremely awkward and so you cleared your throat and spoke up — softness now somewhere in your voice.

"Is that bad time? I can come later I just wanted to give you back your money.."

"N-No." He started nervously "I mean no. It's fine. I'm actually glad you're here. Would you come in?"

You didn't want to come in and it must have shown on your face since he continued.

"Come on. I don't bite." He smiled warmly and it seemed much more normal than the timid self he showed you seconds ago. And so you came in curiously looking around his own apartment. It was a mirror image of your own in terms of room placements — a hallway leading to living room with opened kitchen. You came into the living room and Jinyoung rushed after you quickly turning the TV off. You didn't pay it any mind since you were looking around and taking in how different was his home compared to yours. It was very modern and yet it kept the homey feeling. Yours on the other hand, well it was raw yet full of stuff? Mark would probably call it unfinished and cluttered. Your neighbor sat on the other side of the couch leaving quite a lot of space between the two of you and run a hand through his hair. He wore a cardigan very similar to yours both in color and style in fact it could be the very same brand and style it’s just neither of you noticed it.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to apologize." He responded quickly and gained a surprised look from you.

"Apologize?"

"Yes about yesterday…I shouldn't have said those things in public I could say I just didn't know about your situation but it’s no excuse. I’m truly sorry." he paused. "You don't have to be stressed about press or rumors though. It is my café and my staff, so they won't talk about it with anyone I took care of it." You took back everything you said, you weren’t prepared for meeting him, especially not getting apologies from him. On top of that he was the owner of your favorite café...

"I… it's fine." You said confused and tried to act as normal as possible while being very aware of your palms spread on your thighs. They were unnaturally clammy. It was a surprise to you, you rarely got any apologies and you were expecting some more teasing not something like that. Your eyes were everywhere except on him and you were screaming at yourself internally to say something, anything, but nothing was coming to your mind. Once again you lost your ability for forming witty sentences around him or in that case any sentences. There was awkward silence between you and you immensely regretted coming to see him today. You weren’t used to this. Somewhere in your belly you could feel as if butterflies - or rather moths — yes, moths of anxiety were fluttering their wings desperately trying to get into your chest. You never felt like this before. You tried to avoid looking at him but your own eyes betrayed you and fell on Jinyoung only to find out he was enjoying your anguish. His brown eyes were glimmering and his lips formed half smirk that he tried to cover with his left hand in a gesture of propping his head up. Immediately irritation came to you burning all the fluttering wings in the pits of your stomach. A frown formed on your face and you send him a glare. Wondering how could you be so stupid and fall for his act.

"You're really cute when you're shy or embarrassed." He chuckled now mocking you openly.

"I can't believe I took your apologies as sincere." He chuckled again clearly pleased with how you responded.

"They were sincere. I just enjoy teasing you."

"Could you stop? That's inappropriate you don't even know me."

"What do you mean we are neighbors and soon to be friends." He smiled broadly and for a second your mind travelled somewhere else simply admiring his beauty. You cursed his handsome face it could blind and charm everyone really. You wanted to leave, no you needed to leave. It was stuffy in here.

"I'm here for a reason." You reminded him, he was watching you with amusement. It felt almost as if a cat was observing you.

"Ah right... money." his tone seemed inattentive somehow. "I don't need it. Let's say it was a part of my apology."

"Just give me your account number and take the money."

"I don't remember it." You were getting more irritated every minute you talked to him.

"You don't remember your account number?" This man was unbelievable. He shrugged.

"You can send it to me through KakaoTalk if you really want." He smiled and took out the phone from the pocket of his pants. 

"Fine. Just give it." Not wanting to spend any second longer here with him, you scanned his qr to add him quickly and transferred the money.

"Done. Now if you excuse me."

"Of course." He smiled again and you felt mocked by the sole action of his lips shooting upwards. He walked you to the door and watched as you slipped on your shoes. You tried to look as cold and dignified as possible but still tripped over the doorstep. He caught your arm firmly and straightened you. Your heart was beating so fast and hard all you could hear was blood pumping in your ears in fact you were sure he could hear it as well. On the other hand whose heart wouldn't when you almost fell face first, right…? Right? It surely wasn't because of his warm breath now tickling the crown of your head, nor the dangerously beautiful eyes... you absolutely regretted coming here today. It was foolish of you to think your cursed neighbor wouldn't shake you up today. And he was still holding you — how awkward is that; and you felt fine with being hold like that — what on earth was wrong with you? You started to think that maybe it would be better if you'd actually fell and hit that stupid head of yours.

Jinyoung was having very dangerous thoughts. The kind he didn't have in a very long time. He wasn't prepared for this kind of proximity. He was already shaken up yesterday by your touch and closeness he only held your hand for a second or two. Maybe he didn't show it but he was. Honestly he wasn't even into PDA or flirting with someone or even thinking of flirting with someone. Yes, he liked teasing, and he teased you but it was in a FRIENDLY manner. Well it was safe to say he didn't have friendshippy type of thoughts right now. Jinyoung reacted automatically upon seeing you fall he just grabbed your arm and pulled you his way. He was still holding your now tensed muscles, but he couldn't let go of you. He was in trance. Your warmth radiating onto him, the way the smell of your shampoo was tingling his nose, your huge doe-like shocked eyes, parted lips, soft pink on the apples of your cheeks. He was wondering how badly would you kill him if he asked to kiss you right now. He was seriously considering it worthy asking even if you were to pull out his tongue like you threatened yesterday. He didn't ask though, the rational part of his brain finally letting go of you. His own feeling were mess, but he did what he knew best — he masked his emotional disarray with some more teasing hoping you wouldn’t notice.

"Falling for me already?" He smirked even though internally he was screaming and already thinking of confiding in Jackson to get himself calmed. He was clearly the one falling and he was panicked. You rolled your eyes on him seemingly gaining the composure while he was getting stunned even by such simple gesture like this.

"You're way below my standards." You seemed annoyed. He smiled again although he wanted you to leave quickly and leave him alone with his feelings, so he can sort this out. Your eyes narrowed at him even more.

"I need to go now."

"Well, have a great day."

"Right, you too." You were so cold Jinyoung almost chuckled at it because it almost wounded him, and yet he liked it. He enjoyed teasing you too much. You were already walking to the elevator, but he couldn't help himself.

"Oh, and try not to fall when I'm not around to catch you, Y/N." He laughed and you were already frowning at him absolutely mad which made his heart skip a beat, you were really too cute when you frowned. Jinyoung closed the door before you could say anything or worse before he did. He realized he was in deep shit. He tried to think reasonably. He probably just had a crush because he spent a whole night watching movies and dramas you were starring in, he might have also accidentally watched all of your interviews and went to sleep at 6 still smiling to himself from that interview where you had to answer questions about your body in preparation for your role in that Marvel movie. The reporter wouldn't stop asking about your body and making comments on it even though you were clearly uninterested in the topic which you finally cut with your own questions. "Are you looking for some weight loss tips? You look great. Seriously what is it about? Are you trying to fit in my suit?" The last question was asked with whole whisper theatrics and Jinyoung laughed at loud at five am hoping he didn't wake you up through the wall. The suit in question was extremely fitting white leather catsuit. It wasn't the only interview in which you showed off your wits, eloquence and badassness, or how Bam would call it "swag". You were also the most attractive actress he had seen. Of course, you were also attractive when you weren't acting but on the screen... you were amazing. So Jinyoung tried to calm himself down rationalizing his earlier thoughts as simply being starstrucked. That’s what fans felt towards their idols, he was simply charmed by his own new idol. Yes that was it — that’s exactly the type of thoughts some fanboys or fangirls would have. He called Jackson anyway, he knew the designer was the right person to talk to in situations like this. 

Twenty minutes later Jinyoung regretted ever calling his best friend.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO IN LOVE WITH HER!" Jackson basically yelled to the phone. Jinyoung groaned and massaged the space between his brows. 

"Were you even listening? I'm just a big fan."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night man. I’m a big fan of Christian Dior and all I can think of is making out with him." 

"Don’t compare it, he is dead!" Jinyoung yelled and his friend filled his ear in response.

 You were regretting not taking the car for shopping. The walk did help with your racing heart, and helped ease off your mind but it turned out the supermarket isn't that close any more when you have to drag home ten bags of food and products. Thankfully a convenience store was on your way so you could make a stop there maybe you'd be lucky enough to see Seoyun, buy her coffee and have a chat. You knew it was stupid, because she could've just feel obliged to say she is your fan but you still wanted to tell her about your new upcoming role. Sadly she wasn't there and so you just made a stop and sat on one of nearby benches. Massaging your palms that had those harsh red lines imprinted in them now thanks to the bags. You could swear you heard the sound of released shutter and so now alarmed you looked around but it seemed you were the only person here. You sighed, how paranoid have you become that you started hearing the cameras when there was none. Then again you were extremely lucky dispatch and paparazzi haven't found you yet. Just before you left to the USA, your ex gave this interview and your life became hell. You didn't have a day without paparazzi running after you or spying on you. The memories came to you not without acrimony and hurt. Your ex, an actor just like you, used you to create scandal and gain some popularity. You could remember how enraged and morose it made you. You didn't date anyone since then even when Mark tried to introduce you to some people. You intended on staying that way. You didn't need anyone, you had Mark, and he was enough for you. Just you and your best friend. You weren't sure how long you stayed like this, deep in your thoughts. You moved only after you fingers became stiff from cold. Somehow you managed to carry the groceries back home. You were so tired that you just counted it as your training today. You checked the time and it was one PM, perfect time to call your bestie.

"Markiee!!" You whined as soon as his face appeared on your screen.

"Y/N-ah. I miss you." He was wearing some blue hoodie this time.

"That's my line. Do you have time to talk?"

"Bruh, for you? Always. What's up?" 

"I am going to star in a drama!"

"What? I thought you hate those." He was genuinely shocked.

"I know, I do. But this one is different. I'm not playing the villain I got female lead, and she isn't some damsel in distress she is a badass character!" You almost screamed and he chuckled.

"Woah. Someone's excited. I'm so proud of you. So who is getting the privilege to be cast with you?"

"I don't know yet. I'm supposed to meet the cast next week." He nodded his head and smiled. "Anyway what are you up to?"

"I was actually thinking of playing Among Us and streaming wanna join?" He grinned.

"Absolutely, prepare to get wrecked Tuan." You used to play together at least once a week when you were in the USA, his fans loved you and shipped you even though you both told them you were just friends — it is some rule in the internet though, to ship close friends.

Few hours later you were once again killed as the first person, this time by Mark.

"YOU GONNA REGRET IT WHEN WE’LL MEET TUAN. I SWEAR I’M GONNA WHOOP YO ASS..." You screamed on top of your lungs and Mark laughed wholeheartedly, while his chat filled up with hundreds of LOL’s and LUL’s.

"You guys she threatens me. Someone make a clip and send it to the police once they find my dead body." He kept laughing and you couldn’t help but laugh as well. His smile and laugh were just too contagious.

"You really put our friendship to test lately Tuan, here I was foolishly trusting you when you killed me in cold blood. " You stretched and your stomach rumbled reminding you that you haven’t eaten yet and it was already around four pm.

" Hey don’t hate the player, hate the game. "   He shrugged and winked, while you rolled your eyes.

"Okay Mark, I gotta go and eat. It’s already afternoon here."

"Sure, chat say bye to Y/N." They did as he asked and it was soon filled with many hearts and goodbyes. "Love you Y/N! Call me soon." He grinned and you smiled warmly.

"Love you too Mark. Bye guys!" With that you logged off the discord, and switched off his stream. You make your way to the kitchen and took out the ingredients for kimchi jjigae you bought before. You carefully read the recipe opened on your phone and began cooking. You had to make anchovy stock first so you grabbed some dried anchovies, kelp and slashed the daikon in cubicles — it looked quite awkward as each cubicle was different size but hey it was you eating it not some kind of culinary critic. You added water and left it to boil deciding to take care of the rest of ingredients. You cut some kimchi and ate some as a snack and reward for not ordering food today, sliced some green onions, cut the pork and the tofu as well. By the time you were done it was time to strain the broth and add the rest of ingredients. It had to cook so you decided to watch some TV in the meantime. You turned it on, it was some kind of reality show where idols were supposed to camp in the wild for a few days. The idols clearly didn’t feel like being there and the fact you knew neither of them didn’t help. You dozed off before you noticed, your eyelids getting as heavy as iron. The smell of burning woke you up. You shot upwards from your couch and rushed to the kitchen, bumping into a coffee table on your way there.

"FFFFFF-UUCK." you hissed, when your shin pulsed with pain. You quickly grabbed the pot with stew to get it off the fire, forgetting it would be hot as well. You hissed in pain and let id drop on your marble floor which was now covered in burned kimchi and some other things. "Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fucking shit." You cursed as you tried to navigate to the sink to ease off the burn with some cold water. The cold water did help and you sighed with relief only to later follow it with a sigh of resignation. You had to clean up this mess. It was when your phone barked — a new message. You checked it.

From Unknown number: Are you trying to burn down the whole building?

You furrowed your brows confused, wondering if it was one of those jokes or spam messages you heard about.

To Unknown number: Who’s this?

From Unknown number: Guess.

You huffed in disbelief.

To Unknown number: Ok, enjoy being blocked.

From Unknown number: Wait!

From Unknown number: It’s Jinyoung.

To Unknown number: How did you get my number? Never mind I’m blocking you I’m too busy to deal with you.

With that you put the phone back in your pocket and began cleaning up. You finished in no time now tired out by scrubbing. You sat on the floor and took out your phone to check it out. From Unknown number: Don’t block me what if you need my help one day.

To Unknown number: With what exactly?

From Unknown number: What if you get stuck in your bathroom and need someone to let you out?

You rolled your eyes and saved his contact

To Devil: There is at least 7 billion more people I’d rather ask to help me

From Devil: Ok then what if I get stuck in the bathroom and need your help.

To Devil: I’d leave you there

From Devil: Heartless

To Devil: Better tell me how did you get my phone number

From Devil: You gave it to me when you scanned my kakao code

You were bewildered, was that his plan from the very beginning or were you just paranoid? You were either prejudiced or he was in fact the devil with angel's face.

To Devil: Did you lie about not remembering your account number?

From Devil: Maybe

You couldn’t believe it, the audacity, the smugness. You could feel irritation building inside you but you decide to let it go when your stomach rumbled at you aggressively. After eating you took shower, read a few chapters of The Vegetarian and fell asleep.

Next week passed quickly but in the feeling of anticipation as you were supposed to meet the rest of the cast as well as the scriptwriter and director at the meeting on Friday. You kept calling your manager throughout the week trying to find out who could they be, but he didn’t know anything or didn’t want to tell you. And so you spent the week on training, running, reading and occasionally calling Mark to express your impatience and excitement. You didn’t meet your irritating neighbor even once this week — something you counted as blessing or perhaps a sign that the universe finally turned your karma around. It was finally Friday and you were already sitting in the meeting room waiting for everyone to come in. You smiled at the young man sitting next to you, he was really cute and had this mole under his right eye it added to his charm. He was about to introduce himself, when someone came through the door and greeted everyone cheerfully. You couldn’t believe it. You were cursed, actually cursed.

"YOU?!" was all that left your mouth upon seeing him entering the room.

[redantsunderneath]

VAL and BILLIE EILISH: THE WORLD'S A LITTLE BLURRY

I shouldn’t be allowed to watch documentaries. All that any documentary seems to be about (at this point, to me) is the relationship between itself and the truth. I don’t know if it’s 2000's reality TV or that one time I watched Capturing the Friedman’s and Waco: The Rules of Engagement back to back that broke me, but what interests me isn’t the subject matter but standpoint epistemology of the thing. These two docs are very different, diametrically opposed in almost every way, but both are defined by the ways in which the text struggles against reality. Val is about an old man who used cameras (himself) to capture his entire life as he pretended to be someone else on film. He is infirm, occluding his laryngotomy tube to talk, and his handlers try to manage his naps around meet and greets where he sells the shell of the person he once was for the fans who still care. It’s forbears are archeological dead celebrity docs that try to find the elusive star at the center (Robin Williams, Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse) and those about reclaiming memory (Alzheimer Project, Waltz with Bashir) but it’s just… he’s the cameraman and he’s still shuffling around. Closest comparison (minus the age part) is probably Kid 90, which was being cut at the same time. This doesn’t get at how weird this is, though. He used to make movies with his brother, who drowned during a seizure and haunts the movie (he would put up his brother’s drawings in shots on film sets, the talks about or around the event constantly). He often hands off the camera to people so he can be seen in his world with complex instructions (when I walk off, focus in on that speaker so when I go onstage you will hear my first line) and when the camera hits a mirror he lingers (as in the video of his newborn baby). He seems to always be performing, an aspect of life we are all familiar with by now but less common when this footage was taken. His wife is uncomfortable on camera, usually mugging or hiding, and you get the feeling the distancing from his life is intentional as he focuses on internal transformation away from ego resolution, but he still needs to be seen, his sense of self tied up in an object permanence issue. The movie is structured as someone trying to sort through memories of their life and come to terms with them, although the memories in this case is a small warehouse full of video tapes and film canisters. In his current life he can only communicate with difficulty and tries to convey reaction with meaningful-but-of-what glances and gestures. Effacement by time and looming death drench the whole enterprise - when his brother dies he says his father “lost his charisma” (just contemplate that). His current simulacra of celebrity makes him feel like a ghost, signing “you can be my wingman anytime” multiple times for people who this means something to. So he brings up the footage and tries to reconstruct his life (his credit as cinematographer is both funny, touching, and chilling). This thing is full of interesting moments. He is doing a line reading of Hamlet at Juilliard and Peter Kass stops him to ask where the performance is coming from. He responds that he has never considered killing himself which causes Kass to explode, insisting that no-one in the history of the world has not had that thought. This seems to rob us and him of a potentially revelatory moment as Kilmer seems different, spiritual in an unusual way… maybe the reason why he never thought of that was more interesting than that point. His entreaty to Marlon Brando to tell him what his earliest childhood memory is is responded to by Brando asking for him to rock his hammock with repetition of the question only yielding feedback on the rocking until neonatal-fat Brando’s satisfaction at being rocked seems like an answer. The argument with John Frankenheimer who does not want to be filmed is something else. The major things going on are here are being haunted vs feeling like a ghost and an arrested Lacanian mirror phase that complicates his intersubjective context, with the karmic

self-assessment of who he is trying to chill in the middle. The filmmaking knows this and orients itself as a process of evaluating memory where what is true seems elusive, heavily edited, and hall-of-mirrors-like. The question of what is performance is a subconscious struggle. Conspicuous in their absence are his own feelings on his decline beyond the fact that he “doesn’t believe in death,” real insight into his marriage (and breakup, other than an allusion to his method acting Jim Morrison being a problem) and relationship with his kids (who are around all the time, but seem like Sixth Sense characters), and the fact that he’s a legendary asshole on set. This last is, like, the one thing everyone knows about him. But you can sort of sense this stuff secondarily, right off the edge of the screen and in him relentlessly projecting onto his parents. The real crux is the study of a man who never feels seen, but tries to become so by disappearing into someone else, who needs recording devices so that he can capture himself properly, all controlled performance; someone unaware of his own loneliness brought about by not being very good at making himself available because his “self” is externally resolved and constant inner transformation masks the unformed nature of his ego at rest. The film accomplishes this by allowing him to reveal what is absent by his preoccupations and bearing witness to his deflection mechanisms, so that he is no closer to knowing himself but, by being manipulated in a way we can see the frame of, we kind of get a glimpse. Good experience, wish there was more Christian Scientist material (that seems like an angle of understanding the film wasn’t interested in). Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry is about a young girl who is followed by cameras capturing her entire life as she pretends to be herself on stage. She has a Simone Biles flavored psycho-physical compromise that everyone tries to “handle” while she sells herself as the person she isn’t to fans who care, at least right now. This is in the tradition of Truth or Dare mimics that seem de rigueur for female pop stars. Closest comparison is Miss Americana. This movie feels made by spreadsheet to contain scenes to develop the official narrative of an in-her-brother’s-room, in her suburban parent’s house, sui generis composite genius who is on the edge of mental unfitness trying to be as normal as she can in this crazy merry go round called fame. The obviousness of the put on is diffused by the relative lameness of the pieces. In some respects this is the typical documentary “look for the cracks for insight” play, but it is consciously using that as a tool too and doing it badly - the manufactured insight escape moments largely ring false. This comes off as a Zoom background era counterfeit, a series of YouTube clips where Markeplier or whoever lets the mask slip a little in the most forced bit of unbiddenness possible. There is a boyfriend who feels like a story mandated version of “from Canada.” But the interesting thing is the way it recapitulates the way modern pop is put together, not by writing, not by spontaneous “feel your way,” but by putting bits of ideas together and trying to emulate form. There are a lot of moments in the film that feel like they could have been real, but the non-actors were asked to do another take and can’t quite nail it. It actually has such a boner for produced casual that it is pretty much allergic to authenticity, which is quite a thing for a documentary. The major things going on are here are grappling with whether she brings anything musically to the table (the brother seems like the musical force, she’s afraid her voice is bad, they make a point to show her idea notebooks as work product), her wish to only perform if she can give the fans her best show (possibly her version of just wanting to call in sick, understandable) is at odds with her being the center of a machine that has to move, her as a product of a not entirely with it older parents who gave their kids an open creative runway

and now are instrumental in managing her as a resource that is tricky to work with, the work being her and her brother dicking around and making magic happen, and an attempt to paint her as a Beleiber who now is on the the other side of the fan dichotomy. Development of her style, arguably her #1 thing, is sort of left as her telling a video director “I drew this bleeding eye woman, can we do something like this?” and sort of suggesting through letting her point around that she is a de facto co director. At times, it feels like a try at icon forging that someone wanted to fail, but it is probably just the high school conception-to-production level tat ultimately comes off as a larger indictment of making a movie like you make modern pop music - overdetermined manipulation of flimsy elements without a satisfying ethos, that looks too be an insubstantial assemblage of spliced pieces that live of die by their stickiness. But it begins to feel, more and more, that it’s about how non-exciting pop stars can be as people and that a narrative that people respond to can kind of die if you show that’s it’s just work and somewhat normal people trying to be a piece of an illusion. It’s this partitioning away of the hyperreality and an attempt to show the official story acted by the sausage makers trying to pretend the banality is just crazy man. Where Val is a simulation of an habitual performer considering who they actually are selectively sorting their life and failing to confront the loneliness of age and death (more elusive to them than us), this is obvious hoax unintentionally (?) revealing the fabricated nature of the image-music industry by way of demonstrating the strangely normie creatives, green-yellow ombre or no, can’t be arsed to summon a proper freakout (the whining seems authentic, though). Music videos may lie to you, but the official story is strangely correct - kids living in mom’s house cobble together catchy stuff and pull off pop stardom due to social media age production savvy and a little zeitgeisty imagery, it’s just everyone is well adjusted if stressed and someone’s only donning the costume of the online archetype of a specific kind of girl. Val uses the constructed nature of these narratives as a tool wielded in the open to suggest the inner working of a mind failing to be honest with itself while the other is interesting in its transparency and failure to convince us of the loosely conceived fiction, leaving reality apparent as bong resin. Baudrillard would have liked this one more, probably.

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 70 Rundown

Code Geass: So Lelouch is gonna go join Nunally’s ‘let’s all hold hands and get along’ area but literally no one wants to go after Euphy murdered everyone last time. You’d think there’d be at least one dumbass like “Maybe it won’t be a massacre.” But yeah Zero’s like “Oh well I just happen to have a million people I can give to the zone if you exile me and let me go scott free” and everyone’s like “that’s a super shitty thing to do but okay” so then Zero tells Suzaku that culture is stored in the titty and all the one million people do their I am Spartacus thing and wear Zero’s costume which had to be a logistical nightmare, like Zero’s outfit already is pretty expensive with the fancy clothes and the helmet and shit and some of them are randomly customized even though that defeats the purpose like how do you do this on a terrorist budget in a few days without anyone in the government finding out. Like “we received an order for a million pounds of the thing used in Zero’s helmet on the black market” seems like it’d stand out. But yeah, the million Zeros get away, partially because of the “dogs playing basketball” rule that they’re all Zero because their culture of being Zero is stored in their titty which wouldn’t hold up in court but also because if they just kill a million people who’re just trying to leave that’d be bad for the government, not that they’re not used to genocide and being hated as Imperialists but Suzaku specifically doesn’t want that on his and Nunally’s hands while they’re trying to actually do shit for Japan for once. Feel like there’s probably a good cause for peaceful detainment and not letting them just walk out but it’s not like they’d find Lelouch or whoever the supposed second Zero was anyway even if they strip-searched everyone since he was never there and if it isn’t Lelouch the only thing that makes him Zero sight-wise is the mask.

Inuyasha: So yeah we get the conclusion of Shiori’s story for Inuyasha and I just can’t help thinking about how nice it is that she went on to help a lot of other half-demons in Yashahime because of an act of kindness that Inuyasha showed her right here, really good ripple effect shit. But yeah Shiori gets pissed that her grandpa killed her dad and Kekkaishi YEETs him and his followers out of the barrier so Inuyasha can backlash wave the lot of them. We still got fifteen minutes left though so even after Inuyasha says he’s not going to murder a little girl for a powerup that’ll get power crept in a few seasons, Shiori offers him the blood coral crystal to break to give him the powerup instead as thanks for not fucking murdering her. We can’t have the climax of the episode just be Inuyasha smacking a crystal ball though so Taigokumaru’s spirit yeets itself out of the crystal and fights with Inuyasha and attacks Shiori but her dad makes a barrier to bounce him off of so Inuyasha can kill him a second time and get the Red Tessaiga. There’s some navelgazing about how life as a half demon is rough but how Inuyasha thinks that hardship will be good for Shiori and he’s rooting for her in his own way and in Yashahime we see he’s right and all in all that’s pretty nice. Anyway next time we have the Panther Demon filler arc which is honestly probably one of my favorite filler arcs in Inuyasha so that’ll be fun.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke continues his fight with Suzaku and Suzaku splits himself into seven, which this doesn’t seem to be the Multi-Form or Shadow Clones deal where it divides his energy, each one seems as strong as the original so that’s just kind of broken. Keiko pulls a bait and switch on the zombies which neither Suzaku nor Yusuke see coming despite watching the whole thing on Spirit TV, guess Suzaku had the camera point at the door instead of on Keiko for some reason even though the point is to make Yusuke watch her die. Anyway Yusuke flashes back to Genkai telling him he’s a little bitch that always doubts himself and splits his energy across multiple plans instead of having the confidence to go for something with everything he has and make it work instead of holding back in case it doesn’t. This and remembering his mom crying over his death and all the relationships he’s formed makes him go Super Saiyan in what I can only describe as a Fully Body Shotgun which I don’t think ever comes up again. He knocks down all the Suzakus but it’s just time to start the real fight since Yusuke’s lifted his limiter again like he does in every fight.

Fate Zero: So the clusterfuck in the middle of Saber and Lancer’s battle continues to grow as Iskandar just fucking dares everyone to come at him and five of the seven servants actually do. Gilgamesh is all like “Ugh, why do I have to do this shit, breathing sucks, I’m a king, someone breathe for me.” And tries to murder everyone with spears and shit but turns out Berserker is Darth Vader this time around and uses the force to steal his stolen weapons until Rin’s dad is all like “Dude you’re showing the whole world our fucking moveset, get the fuck out of there. Which given that Gilgamesh is an archer which are supposed to be independent and he’s a fucking snobby asshole, even with a Command Seal I’m surprised that worked. Also Waver’s racist teacher is all “hah wow, I was supposed to have Rider and the token teenager character stole it from me” and Iskandar’s like “I like this kid that’s ride or die with me even though he cries all the time way more than someone who doesn’t even step onto the battlefield you stuck up prick” and then Lancer and Berserker double-team Saber (giggity) and Lancer’s not happy about it because he was fighting Saber first and doesn’t wanna just jump her with Darth Vader but more Command Seals are thrown around until Iskander runs over Darth Vader with his fucking Lightning Chariot and that’s kind of shitty because Racist Teacher man wasted a Command Seal to have Lancer attack Saber for like five seconds before making him retreat. Bug Dude is also kinda freaked out that Berserker just kinda went for Saber meaning she must be pretty pissed at Saber about something anyway so basically everyone runs away and nothing is really accomplished, we didn’t even really need Kiritsugu’s sniper shit or Assassins’s Ninja Bullshit for this everyone’s just had enough and goes home. Also Caster is a creepy yandere simp for Saber but really who isn’t in this series.

Konosuba: So Aqua’s ready to sit in a lake for a few hours to make some money but for the first time in her live her divine booty is not enough to solve this problem. She gets traumatized by getting attacked by demon alligators and Kazuma and co. are honestly uncharacteristically worried about her and ready to try and help her. Meanwhile generic isekai protagonist has a crush on Aqua despite already having his own harem of bland girls and wants to steal Aqua back but basically the whole group is so totally anti-White Knight they can see right through his shit and turn him down. Kazuma beats him up in the most Kazuma way possible and steals his magic sword, proving that not only is he not doing anything to defeat the devil king but he’s actively sabotaging those that are. Aqua fucking decks the guy and blackmails him so she’s rich now and Kazuma’s rich from selling his OP Isekai Cheat Sword. Also the Dullahan dude is back for revenge about bombing his castle and Kazuma’s like “Wait were we still doing that? Thought we stopped, oh well everyone in this world’s problems are our fault somehow so it sounds about right.”

Sailor Moon Crystal: So this time we get Makoto’s story who’s probably my favorite thus far because her job is punching shit and making sure Usagi doesn’t die from the hundreds of things ready to hit her on a daily basis. I have sort of found a redeeming trait for Usaig in that she’s willing to reach out to anyone and everyone, like she’s not what I would call traditionally ‘nice’ but she is friendly and that ability to pull disparate people together does kind of make more sense for why she’d be the leader rather than the other girls who have useful but more specific talents. But yeah continuing with the trend of things teen girls like trying to destroy the world, haunted bridal shop that also reveals Makoto’s tragic backstory of being a more believable version of Tall Girl. Makoto transforms and beats up the Bride lady with a combination of Zenbonzakura Kageyoshi and Azula’s lightning bending, no fair that she gets two powers but I guess she is the tough one so it make sense. Now we’ve basically got the whole crew except for the one that we already know is active but hasn’t joined the group yet so we’ll see how this goes.

Durarara!!: So Mikado’s in deep shit after stealing the girl away that half the town is looking for, all because he has it hammered into his head that whenever a girl asks for his help he has to give it. There’s a bit of discussion about the nature of the Dollars that I’m sure won’t be important later but both Izaya and Celty show up outside Mikado’s school and he’s kind of in an awkward position since there’s nowhere he can really go but home and lead them to the girl. So he decides to find out about them, or at least Celty, Izaya’s just kinda along for the ride. He gets Celty’s backstory and agrees to take her to the other girl only to get jumped by Yagiri thugs and pull out some Death Note animation internet shit that has even Izaya stunned, Mikado about to actually become the main character of this anime for a bit.

[muzzleroars]

Have you ever heard of Leverage (TV series)? It is about a five-person team: a thief, a grifter, a hacker, and a retrieval specialist, led by former insurance investigator, who use their skills to fight corporate and governmental injustices inflicted on ordinary citizens. I like to think that Akira would do something similar when he grows older. If you don’t mind me asking, what types of jobs do you see the members of the Phantom Thieves having as they grow up?

i’ve heard of the show but i haven’t seen it myself, although i 100% agree that is totally akira!!! i think akira, at first, holds a lot of odd jobs because he likes meeting new people, seeing different places, and having all kinds of experiences...and it keeps his schedule flexible so that he can work as a burglar. he only steals from those who deserve it, doing meticulous combing of their backgrounds and digging all the dirt on them - he retrieves valuables for himself and often grabs blackmail material too in order to make them change their ways. however, akira works as the daring, hands-on type, becoming a modern day arsene that thrills the public with his daring heists and brings people to justice for crimes that wouldn’t otherwise be brought to light. he does this for years but...he scales a lot of high-rise buildings, a dangerous gamble that finally doesn’t go his way one night, and the fall he takes leaves him with a bad back and using a cane after lots of physical therapy to recover. he moves forward after that to go into activism, using a degree in law to work as an advocate for prisoner’s rights in japan...but definitely still continuing to work as a thief that now orchestrates heists in a similar way to what you mentioned where he stays behind the scenes. SO...i’ve thought plenty about akira obviously sdkfsjfd but as for the others!! 

- ryuji is a physical therapist - i never thought ryuji actually came off as dumb tbh, he just seems unfocused and like he’s given into labels. like i noticed that ryuji can be incredibly insightful and asked some really good questions...and i just want him to achieve so much more as an adult than he ever thought he could. he works especially well with kids, connecting to them easily and having the kind of upbeat, high energy they need to feel happy even after a serious injury. and i imagine ryuji is like. super buff. dude’s ripped. and the kids can see that he has an injury too but it didn’t stop him working out, playing sports, or having a good life even if there are certain things he can’t do (i hc ryuji lives with chronic pain and running is eventually too hard on his leg) he’s honestly a great doctor in general who makes people feel at ease even if he can be overly excitable, it’s just part of his charm lol 

- ann does become a model like she wanted, but i imagine she gets a business degree to learn how to eventually run her own modeling company. she wants a place where the models feel safe, where they aren’t used or abused in any way, and all claims of harassment are taken DAMN seriously and ann will ruin any photographer/company/manager that tries to take advantage of a model. additionally, she really wants to expand the kind of models that can find work in japan - ann herself knows what it’s like to be singled out for being different, but she also knows she doesn’t face half of what many minorities do. she wants them all to be see as beautiful and fashionable, she wants all people to be able to open a magazine and see someone like them held up as the image of beauty. 

- yusuke can’t be anything but a fine artist lmao his work includes a TON of travel, finding inspiration in all corners of the globe as well as making tons upon tons of international friends wherever he goes. he stays with them more often than not, barely even having a permanent residence, and none of the thieves are surprised when they get a text from him backpacking in australia or exploring a city in peru. it makes his work super eclectic, a beautiful blend of styles and compositions that he’s seen around the world (madarame WISHES he actually had the range!!), although his favorite will always be traditional japanese painting since that’s what his mother loved. 

- makoto initially goes into the police force wanting to be a commissioner...but even she is shocked to learn how disgustingly corrupt the force is. she knows what akira faced and the trumped up charges that would have been brought to the phantom thieves, but actually getting into on the other side was something else entirely. so she decides to work for internal affairs to climb the ladder to the top as quickly as possible. yes, she wants justice in the streets, but that will never be accomplished is the police are simply allowed to do as they please, so she decides she must take them to task first. it’s still working in a corrupt system, but she is MERCILESS, never caring how many people attempt to brick her out - she knows every loophole and makes various connections to get her where she needs to be to bring crooked officers before a court of law. 

- futaba continues to live with sojiro for a long time, but she easily develops her own software and makes good money from it. i sort of got the idea that futaba could definitely make a living like this from p5d honestly, where she says she made the top app in the app store but just did so anonymously (or something like that!!) so she didn’t get paid. i think she would just develop software and games and things like that on her own because traditional work just doesn’t suit the way she thinks and operates, and she’s happy to work all on her own. she also definitely, definitely helps akira with his heists and stealing info on assholes that deserve to be taken down while doing her own hacking on the side. 

- haru continues to oversee the company, but i think she scales it back quite a bit in order to be sure they maintain good quality and good policies. like ann’s business, all of her employees feel safe and comfortable to report any grievances and it’s known as one of the best places to work as haru keeps a close eye on things. she does get the cafe she wanted, although she wishes she could be there in person more. she works closely with the manager and all the employees know her though, making an appearance at least a couple times a week to relax and get that one on one interaction with her workers and customers. it has a beautiful little garden too that anyone can help tend, plus haru makes sure any unused food goes to help those in need (and those in need can always come to the cafe for a meal, just like her grandfather wanted).

- goro goes into law, where he works as a lawyer in family court. i always really liked the idea of him being a lawyer since i think his relationship with sae was an important one, but it’s definitely just a passion for him too because he’s tenacious in getting the outcome that’s in the best interest of children in any given case. he knows how little the legal system tends to care about kids in these disputes, and it’s even worse when they are orphans or in foster care, so he wants to be the one person on their side even if he has to fight against the whole system for them. and he. really definitely does fight that system tooth and nail, known for being brutal in court and exceedingly thorough in the evidence he compiles. no one took him seriously at first because oh he’s just that wannabe kid detective, but they all learned VERY fast how dangerous an opponent he really is. surprisingly, though, everyone sees the total 180 he does talking to kids, his voice soft and warm but full of confidence, and he’s done amazingly well helping out social workers that otherwise can’t find an advocate

[ladyshilya]

Roswell New Mexico: Stay (I Missed You)

Let’s see if Max is really dead and if he how they are going to bring him back. Also how are they going to tell everyone about Rosa.

Episode starts off with Max and Liz in bed, well I would have thought that was promising but the way it was shot made me think it was a dream. I was right because then we see Liz crying over Max’s dead body. Rosa comes in wanting to know why Liz looks different, what happened to Max and talking about Isobel seeing her the night before. Liz tells Rosa that didn’t happen yesterday. It cuts to Liz talking with her father because she is taking the grant and moving away.

In the next scene we get a funeral which I thought was for Max but it was for Noah. When they had Michael come in drunk it really made me believe it was for Max. Isobel is up there trying to talk about Noah but she is having a hard time because well he was an asshole and she has lost her brother. After looking a photo that had Max in Isobel flashes to when she see’s Max’s body. Isobel decides that they should put him in the pod and not tell anyone about him. Basically have everyone believe he is out of town. At the house later Isobel and Liz get into a fight but I am sure a staged one because Liz says I’m sorry twice to get Liz to respond. When Michael follows Liz outside we find out that she has had Rosa at Max’s house and she is leaving town with her sister.

Rosa keeps having dreams of Noah which makes sense since he was obsessed with her and put her I a pod. Liz concerned about her Rosa has Kyle do a check up on her but he can find nothing wrong. It seems that Max healed everything wrong with her and she knows that Kyle is her half brother. Isobel really wants to believe there is a way to get Max back but Michael shows her how his heart is shriveled up and dead from what he did. Basically Max had a heart attack bringing back Rosa.

When Rosa and Liz arrive at hotel Liz breaks down crying and Rosa can hear her. I have never been that distraught that I went into the shower with clothes on. I have been distraught before, I think I have a huge aversion to getting my clothes wet. While sleeping Rosa has another nightmare and Liz makes Rosa tell her what happened. They discover that Noah has been in Rosa’s dreams which is one because she never met him. He did do everything through Isobel while Rosa was alive but I dunno maybe she saw him once. Maybe he did some mind visit while she was in the pod. Anything is possible he was an obsessed alien. Liz realizes that Rosa has a connection to Max because she knows things she shouldn’t. This means that Max is alive is some way and explains why his hand print has not faded.

Alex and Kyle head to the morgue to grab Noah’s body so they can do a heart transplant. Noah’s boys is still there because if you burn an alien it releases a toxin so that would be a bad idea. When they get there they find a different body on the slab. When they confront the doctor he told them he though Alex took the body since the guy looked just like him. It seems that Alex’s brother Flint has the body. Alex tries to get his brother to give back the body but he won’t and is head to Area 51. Rosa sees a car on the driving on the other side of the road and things it would be the perfect car to transport something anonymously. Since Flint was an ass, Rosa grabs the wheel from Liz and turns the car.

Flint wakes up from the crash and the body is gone. With Michael’s help they were able to get the Noah’s body to an area to take out his heart. Michael explains what he knows about them and their biology. He seems to think it’s organic tech, which makes Liz happy because tech can be repaired. When they open up Noah’s body all they find is a shriveled heart that can’t be uses. When Liz is talking with Rosa later she tells Rosa she studied restorative medicine because of what happened to Rosa. Liz plans on bring back Noah’s heart so it can be used on Max. Max gave her back the one thing that she wanted so now she is going to bring him back.

Rosa has another dream with Noah in in and he is choking her but he stopped form lighting from Max. Max does not look do great at all. It seems that Rosa is the only person Max can talk to and he was her to stop Liz from bringing him back. Wait, why what does Max know?

While all of this is going on Michael is having to deal with Maria being upset with him that he hasn’t called her back after their kiss. Michael tells her he is not the best at relationship and really doesn’t do them. Alex leave Michael a guitar but Michael gives it back. Alex give Michael the intake file on his mother and tell him there has to be more and he will help him find it. Michael doesn’t want to find out more and he pushes Alex away saying they are not good for each other. Michael hits a girl at the bar Maria works at and even kisses her in front of Maria. Michael also get punched from the girl guy and Maria kicks him out of the bar and takes his keys. I get it Michael has to do the loner thing but really can’t he have one of them. Right now I lean more towards Alex but really I would be happy if they let Michael do the polyam thing and have both of them.

Maria also has to deal with her mother leaving the nursing home that she has her in . It seems that sometimes Maria’s mother is lucid but she was talking about Rosa recently. On her last escape there is a light and then we see Maria looking for mother. All that is left on the ground is the bracelet her mother was carrying. I will admit to being really intrigued but Maria’s mother.

Isobel is dealing with the fact she keeps having memories of Noah. She even goes as far as to train and work on her powers so she can get stronger. When Isobel is visiting with Max wondering why can’t feel him but can still feel Noah. Isobel uses the ultrasound machine that is there and it looks like she is pregnant. Well I guess we know why she can’t get rid of Noah because a part of him is inside of her.

Well it was good start to the season. It’s not going to be an easy task to bring back Max. I think we all knew everyone was going to do everything they could to make it happen. I am guessing Liz is not going to California now. Also if they stay in town someone is going to find Rosa. Why doesn’t Max want Liz to bring him back? What does he know? What is Isobel going to do about the baby? What happened to Maria’s mother? So many questions to be answered and many more that are not listed. I really hope they do not do a whole love triangle with Michael because he is bi, let him be polyamorous. It might take some time but Maria and Alex are friends I am sure they can find a way to share. Seriously lets have multiple healthy representations on TV.

Until next episode where the group continues to find a way to bring back Max. Max continues asking Rosa to make sure they don’t accomplish it.

[dysphoric-dumbass13]

guess what bitch. all of the flower asks. if i have to do it, you have to do it

Hahaha, love you too. Asshole.

Alisons: Sexuality? - Hahahaha bold of you to assume I have any clue. I like girls. I like guys. I like nonbinary people. And other people on the spectrum. I’m not pan, idk what though. Plus the label doesn’t really matter.

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender? - I’m a demiboy, so he/him/his or they/them/theirs. Whichever, it doesn’t really matter. Though I personally feel more masculine.

Amaryllis: Birthday? - Today lol (January 13th)

Anemone: Favorite flower? - Would it be cliche and stupid to say roses? Because those. Weirdly.

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show? - Damn that’s hard. Between BBC Sherlock, BBC Merlin, Supernatural, Once Upon A Time, and John Mulaney (shut up it counts)

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger? - It really depends on the situation. I would give away clothing, risk my life, give them shelter in my home, allow them to borrow my phone, but them lunch... I’d do a lot for anyone. Even though I have trust issues.

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes? - “Yeah, the asshole who sent me this (love you alex)” - @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth lmao. Truly though? “Your destiny is calling, you better find out what he wants.” and “A half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.”, both from Merlin, about Merlin and Arthur. They're just so gay.

Aubrieta: Favorite drink? - Tea.

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - Meh. Sure. I don’t really care. The one right before that by like 10 seconds, 100%.

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love? - Yes. Oh god yes.

Baneberries: Favorite song? - Literally impossible. You are insane.

Basket of Gold: Describe your family. - A disaster. Both biological and chosen. I have 3 little brothers in my chosen family and all of them are younger than me.

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it? - I have 5. The bitch who sent me this (love you), Evan, TJ, Shiro, and Sid.

Begonia: Favorite color? - Bloodred and black.

Bellflower: Favorite animal? - Wolves. They’re amazing.

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person? - I’m not a person. But mornings fuck me up dude.

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be? - A dodo bird. Because they’re all dead.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? - So many things. A lead singer of a band (which I might get to do soon, yay), a policeman, an fbi agent, a photographer, etc. 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children? - I love them, I’d probably adopt older children because they need it the most, but I love children so much.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why? - I answered this earlier, “I am afraid of spiders. Because they have so many legs and so many eyes and THEY DON’T FUCKING NEED ALL OF THEM LIKE WTF?!?!?!?!?!”

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood. - About 75% of the food my brother and I ate was Ramen, Pop Tarts, and instant rice.

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? - With the people I love the most.

Buttercup: Relationship status? - Sadly single :(

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go? - Ireland. Without a doubt. It’s so beautiful.

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved? - I answered this one too. “When I’m cuddling with someone I care about while watching one of my favorite shows or movies. Or just when I’m cuddling someone I care about. And yes, that includes my puppy. (Funny joke, I’m watching Merlin while watching Merlin) (Merlin is my puppy).”

Canna: Do you have any tattoos? - Sadly no. I will though.

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? - Two in each ear.

California Poppy: Height? - 5′3½″

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts? - Yeah.

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? - Jeans and a flannel, as always.

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight? - Yes.

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged? - Sid. He’s the best, honestly.

Chrysanthemum: Who was the last person you kissed? - TJ. He’s basically my brother. The person before that was Shiro, and both of those were New Years Day at like midnight.

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font? - Calligraphy. It’s so fun to write in. But in computers, Times New Roman for some reason.

Columbine: Are you tired? - *in Snape’s voice* Alllllllways

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to? - A good night’s sleep for once.

Coneflower: Dream job? - Lead singer of a rock band, which I’ll probably get to do soon!

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert? - Extrovert, definitely.

Crocus: Have you ever been in love? - This question was already asked. But yes.

Crown Imperial: What’s the furthest you’d go for someone you care about? - To the ends of the Earth.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it? - Yes. It was a huge stuffed cheetah. Now it’s a giant stuffed bear from Evan.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign? - Capricorn. I was supposed to be an Aquarius. And I personally think I’m an Aquarius more than a Capricorn.

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering? - Not really. Other than date people.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment? - I don’t fucking know. Winning the school spelling bee in 5th grade?

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? - I wouldn’t care. If I love them and they love me, that’s all that matters to me.

Dandrobium: Who is the last person you said “I love you” to? - Sid I think.

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at? - Idk. Singing?

Foxgloves: What is something you’re bad at? - Everything.

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened to you in the last month? - I got a puppy, I got my binder, I gave my (now ex) girlfriend the best gift I’ve ever given in my life.

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today? - Considering all I’ve done is watched Merlin, type this, and cuddle with Merlin? Pretty good.

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you're at in your life? - Nope.

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two? - Die :)

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life? - In no particular order: @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth, Evan, TJ, Shiro, Sid, Merlin, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Supernatural, Harry Potter

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? - Healthily? Dying my hair, listening to music, reading, writing, and getting hugs.

Hellebore: How do you show your affection? - Many ways. Mostly hand hearts, gifts, trust, and hugs.

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of? - My flannel collection. I don’t know the exact number but it’s immense.

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day. - cuddling with my friends while watching shows and movies and reading.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time? - Read. Write. Listen to music. Watch TV. Cuddle.

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them? - ok gimme a sec.

@eyeforaneye-toothforatooth: They hated me when we met. We’ve known each other for... 3 or 4 years? We met in science in 6th grade I think.

Evan: We met in 6th grade. They noticed we had the same flannel on and commented on it. I hated them for like 2 years. Then we became friends, dated, now we’re best friends. I love them so much.

TJ: He was a friend of my best friend’s friend. Started hanging out in 7th grade, been like brothers ever since.

Shiro: Barely knew each other, then kinda “met” in 8th grade. Quickly became friends, dated, became best friends ever since.

Sid: Met him in SAGA this year. He bought me a binder, he’s the kindest person to me at my new school. I love him so much.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything? - I can talk to @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth about practically everything. I love them so much.

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have? - Surprisingly a lot.

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? - Idk. “You look very handsome today.”?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself? - What an utter piece of garbage.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself? - My eyebrows? Idk they look cool, especially when I do them. One’s got a slit.

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? - All of it.

Lilac: What is something you liked to do as a child? - Sleep. When I could.

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid? - It changed at least once every year. Paige, Sheyenne, Peyton, Chloe, the list goes on.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty of? - I followed everyone in kinda making fun of this kid who was a trans girl. I felt so guilty about it then, and I feel so guilty about it now. I hope she is living her best life now, and if she’s reading this I want her to know I am so so sorry. And I have felt it too, I have been made fun of for my gender identification. I am so sorry.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about? - Idk. There’s one thing I’m sworn not to tell about but the person who asked me this knows, so it doesn’t matter.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name? - My deadname? Means “grace of god”, because my family is very Christian. My chosen name? Means “Defender of men; protector of mankind.” Which is honestly just so badass. I chose it because I liked it and it was genderneutral.

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it. - Fort Collins, Colorado babyyyyyyyyy. It was nice and peaceful and small and I loved it.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up? - Small. Always a disaster. Sadly shared with my brother.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? - So far? Sucky as fuck. I hate it. I love my friends, but other than that I hate it. I’m only like halfway through them anyway. It’s been spent trying to prove to my parents that I am just as good as my brother, who I happened to raise.

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom. - Awesome. Sweet and kind, short, with red hair, hazel eyes, and freckles. She’s caring, and she was raised in a Christian house but she’s trying so hard to be accepting, to fight against her religion for her child and I love that so much. I love her so much.

Onions: Tell about your dad. - Kinda annoying. Plays video games all day and makes my brother and I do everything around the house. He tries to be nice and stuff but it really doesn’t work that well. He basically says he “doesn’t care” about the whole sexuality thing and gender thing and then he says stuff like “you can’t really know til your hormones have settled” and “Your name is your name until you can legally change it.” It’s stupid.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents. - Which ones? I have multiple. I have 4 grandmas and 4 grandpas. Tho I suppose they’re all pretty similar. Very Christian, yet pretty accepting. They love me to death. I have one super transphobic grandpa, but basically all of them helped me raise my brother when I was little and my dad was asleep from working nights and my mom was at work all day. I owe them a lot. And I love them so much.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it so memorable? - My 12th. My best friend Val was there and so was my friend Tei and that was it, and they basically got along too well and I was really left out of things at my own birthday party. It was annoying. It was the first time I ever felt true jealousy, and that’s why I remember it so well. I haven’t liked a birthday since because it reminds me of that. I used to like it because it was a day when my parents actually payed attention to me and were off, but now everyone makes too big of a deal of it and I just wish it didn’t exist.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any? - SAGA club, he founded it a couple years ago. He’s super kind to me and he does so much for me, god I don’t deserve him. He bought me a binder. And he’s my best friend. I love him so much.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain? - Healthily? Getting hugs and cuddles from my better friends. I can’t really do much of that lately though. *cries in a corner*

Pink: Where is home? - With the family and friends I’ve found.

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? - Wow. Hard choice. I’d either kill Hitler as a baby, or prevent my own conception.

Prarie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them. - Sid if you’re reading this I am so sorry, and I’m so sorry for mentioning you so much. But I look up to him, because he is one of the best people I know. I love him so much. He’s sweet and just sadncaspdnnhciodsifcnsjxsojcm.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life. - Idc what’s going on in it, as long as it’s with my found family and friends. I’d like my depression, anxiety, and ADHD to disappear though, ideally.

Rhondendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child? - Jesus. Or life. Either one works.

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life? - That’s hard. @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth, Sid, Evan, TJ, Shiro, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, or David Bowie (may Mercury and Bowie rest in peace)

Rose: What’s your favorite sound? - Music. Definitely music.

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory? - When I was at our first organized rehearsal for OneActs. I just love hanging out with so many fellow gays (and yes, I am including the straight twink that is Simon)

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory? - Um, I don’t want to go into detail on that. I was 5. It was bad.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? - A boyfriend lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? - Depends. In a relationship? Pretty easy. Any other time? Near impossible until I break.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine your life without? - There’s 3. Pie, music, and my brother TJ.

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night? - I doped myself up on melatonin so about 7½. Usually its between 1 and 4, if I’m lucky enough to fall asleep.

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning? - The people I care most about. My best friends. Also the reason I don’t stab myself through the heart. They keep me going. I love them all so much. They mean too much to me to hurt them, if I could in any way.

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job? - Living or school? Either one I hate it. I don’t have an actual job.

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing? - My flannels. Or my band tees. Or my leather jacket from TJ.

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. - I don’t fully know what this is asking. I guess the smell of worn flannel, old worn leather, grease from a car, hair dye, smudged eyeliner, and conjoined lips? Idk.

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you? - Idk. Best present I’ve ever recieved was a binder. But I’d say worn flannel from a thrift store.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now? - Grandparents spamming my phone with “Happy Birthday [deadname]!!!” texts

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the last few months? What were they called? - Idk dude.

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year? - Dead or with a partner.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is? - Oddly enough, no. But I don’t think I want to.

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself. - I have green eyes.

Kass I hate you.

[th3okamid3mon]

Why I hate finishing series

WARNING: this is a vent post. I mention situations of abuse, depression and anxiety. Again, this is venting. If you think you can handle it go ahead, but I recommend that you have something near that grounds you. 

When I watch a cartoon or a series I have a lot of fun. Most of the things I watch now days seem to be comedic. I mean cartoons back in my days were fun and where incredible and I loved them and still love most of them. This kind of entertainment means a lot to me, specially cartoons.

The first cartoon I ever saw the ending of was Ed, Edd & Eddy, with the last and only movie of this cartoon. I was really impressed by how it looked and how smooth the animation was and it started so quiet. Quiet with only background noises. I was immerse and confused. The whole movie was a love letter to the show, answering the questions we had (who was and how does Eddy´s brother looks like?) and having more interactions with the Eds, And then there´s something that makes me unsettle, not in a bad way. They scream at each other, they get angry at each other, but for real. A really anger I only seen between friends and siblings. And they are upset and then they forgive each other for what they did, specially forgive Eddy for being a douche. We see the brother, who´s an asshole, Eddy redeems himself, the Eds are finally accepted in the group of friends. They only wanted that in the whole series and they finally get it. And then its over. 

I watch KND as a kid, it was a really fun show and I loved how they were a team and how they manage to complete their missions. Watching how a bunch of kids fight off the injustice the adults made and how they were so badass and didnt take shit from anyone, even going over their commanders orders because they believe in what was right was amazing. I felt I had a voice, back then I wasn´t in a good family situation. Lots of fighting, screaming, abuse and such, I felt powerless, watching them gave me hope I could be saved or at least, at the very least be as cool as them and defend my sibling and myself from others, even my own family. I never saw the ending until much later. Uno leaves to be part of the G:KND. He was an amazing leader, he was friend´s with his teammates, the best of friends. And they were going to say their last goodbyes to him, they were probably never gonna see him. They grow up and they remember Uno because of Father, turns out they were always part of the KND even after being adults or at least they had a plan just in case they were gonna remember. And numbuh 5 calls him and he is probably gonna be there. And then it´s over. 

PowerPuff Girls, Foster´s Home, Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! never got an ending as per say, but they were cut down from TV. I never saw them again though i really deeply remember them. 

The cartoons made me feel less alone and when I finish them or just get at the last episode or it is cut down I felt it was just over. I was a really lonely person, got push away by friends which I only had 2 for over 6 years, alone for a year, not exactly talking to many people, getting more friends and they having to leave for circumstances. Not only that but always returning to a home where not only I was not gonna get attention but also gonna be abuse and being afraid to even be there made me incredibly alone and desolated. 

I can finish movies, I dont create such a strong connection to the characters for being so quick or just 1 to 2 hours of content. Cartoons this days dont create that kind of deep connection with me as much as it used to, it probably is just because of my age. Then again, if that was the case I wouldn´t have cried my eyes out when BoJack Horseman and The Good Place finished. And they left me afraid. Because in those shows the characters start alone and they end up alone in their last path. I spiral and get sad and scared and can´t sleep because the common very well known fear I always had since a child comes back with a revenge: we are gonna die and there won´t be anything else. 

I dont want to just disappear into nothing. I dont want to not leave something in the world. I dont want to just suddenly go one day. And I know it will happen and I know I won´t be remember, because like in KND opportunities show and sometimes one has to take them, even if it means separating from the ones you love. Because like in BoJack Horseman sometimes people are bad and you have to get away from them and my fear is that between all the friends i have I am the one constant bad thing in their lives and when they discover it they will leave me. Because like in The Good Place, after death there´s noting your mark on earth is not exactly something remaining if even there was one, everyone will die and maybe you will go into heaven but if you still have a conscious you will still feel something off and then there´s nothing, you disappear and then there´s no one. 

Because Lives moves on, it doesnt wait for anyone, there´s no sudden stop in real life like in the cancelled shows. There´s no greater point or goal to achieve like in the end of seasons or just the last episodes that end the show for good. Lives keeps on moving and it´s not waiting anyone. 

I am still here, i dont feel the change and next thursday I will be 22 years old and i havent moved on while the rest of my family and friends have accomplished or gotten something they like or want. 

I feel alone. So alone. Even the shows get what they want, they get their development and they have their arcs and change but I am still that same person I was 13 years ago. Scared, lonely, hurt, sad. 

No amount of nothing I´ve done is enough. I am starting to get tired. 

I wonder if maybe soon is gonna be my cancellation. 

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Cries Of Thunder

Chapter Two

Master List  |  Thor Odinson Master List

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Thor Odinson x OFC  |  Word Count: 4877 Warnings: language

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In the end, they picked up Wilson as well. Sam had worked as a counsellor for the VA, Steve reminded them, and was the only one from this world, in this era who may be able to shed light on the thoughts of a woman in her position.

Bucky had grumbled a little, Sam had grumbled back, but when the heavily pregnant Nancy had rushed by, glowing and giggling about her day off, and how Pepper had convinced Fallon to take her position when her child was born, everyone knew they needed to talk this out.

If Fallon would working within the halls of Avenger central - though mostly in Pepper's division for Stark - no one wanted to be responsible for scaring her or doing something which could be triggering.

When Tony caught wind of the impromptu gathering, he’d arrived ready to party only to sigh and sit heavily down between Steve and Thor. “You shouldn't be discussing her like this. She’s not just some dame.”

“We don't think that either, Tony,” Sam said diplomatically. “But both Steve and Bucky have watched her tense and move away when they get too close. She's done it with me. With Clint. I think we all know she's had a tough go of it, and that some asshole hit her in the past. If she's gonna be working for Pepper, no one wants to upset her further by making her uncomfortable.”

Again Tony sighed. “She convinced her then?”

Friday spoke suddenly. “Boss, Miss Potts and Miss Smith are leaving for the day to go shopping. Miss Potts asked me to remind you to stay out of trouble.”

The men around the room chuckled while Tony glared at his watch. “It's ten in the morning!”

“And we’re sitting around drinking,” Thor smirked. “We are hardly ones to judge them for ducking out early.”

“Can you tell us what happened with Fallon, Tony?” Steve asked, steering the conversation back on point.

Tony sighed and sat back, crossing his arms and one leg over the other. A defensive position, one Thor knew the man assumed when he was uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Fallon and Pepper went to University together. They were sorority sisters though they lost touch with each other over the years. Nine months ago out of the blue, Fallon called Pepper up. I guess she’d seen Pep and me on TV at some gala or something in California and reached out. She needed help to get away from her husband and knew Pepper would believe her.” Tony thrust to his feet, went to the bar, and poured half a glass of scotch.

“How bad was it, Stark?” Bucky asked.

“He’d beaten her so badly she could barely answer the door when we showed up.”

“Shit!” Sam hissed.

Tony threw back half his drink. “I’ve seen a lot of terrible things. Horrible things. That was one to the worst.”

“Why the hell didn’t she call the cops?” Steve demanded.

“Because of who her ex is.”

“Who?” Thor growled.

“Easy, big fella. Your sparkles are jumping,” Tony muttered, eyeing the ripples of lightning running along Thor’s hands. “She was married to Jay Ivanov. No, not even married. He’d tricked her into believing they were married, kept her isolated and under guard for her protection, and beat the living hell out of her at every opportunity.”

Sam let loose another string of swears, the Captain and Barnes both scowled, but Thor only frowned. “Who is Jay Ivanov?”

“Publicly, he’s the only one of the Ivanov family to ever - allegedly - go straight. He’s a high powered lawyer, big time into politics, and friends with more powerful people than the President. Privately, he’s as dirty as the rest of his family. The sick sadist kept Fallon like a prisoner. His men turned a blind eye, and the one time she tried to go to the police, they called him to come and get her.”

“Jesus,” Steve hissed, shoving to his feet to join Stark and pour something stronger than the beer he’d been drinking.

When the bottle of Asgardian brandy appeared in Steve’s hand from beneath the bar, Thor’s heart gave a painful thump. Never again would they harvest the grapes to makes such a beverage. 

Asgard was no more, and his people lived in a state of confusion, their future uncertain. So far, he’d been able to see them granted refugee status through the United Nations. The people of Midgard had been welcoming, and the people of Norway had opened their land to the beings they'd once worshiped with a welcoming embrace, but he still worried.

What if they changed their minds? What if one day in the future the people of Earth decided they no longer wanted Aliens on their planet? Tolerance was not a Midgardian strength. Neither was patience.

When the countries of the United Nations began clamouring for a look at the Sakaaran vessel, as well as what Asgardian technology they’d managed to bring with them, he’d resisted. Thor knew all too well what the people of Earth were capable of when they got their hands on technology they were not ready for.

In light of this, he’d put the ship under guard, but when people continued to try and sneak onto it, he’d asked Loki to cloak it instead. Though his brother complained, Loki had agreed with him and done what was needed.

Loki was another sticking point for the humans, but the two of them had had time on the eighteen-month-long voyage to Earth to sit down, talk, and clear the air between them. Loki’s hurt over Odin’s deceptions, over Thor’s own mistreatment of him, had festered and led him down the path to destruction. But in his heart, Loki was still Thor’s only brother. They’d made amends and formed a new pact between them. What they'd had to do to defeat Hela had bound them together. They were it. The last remaining sons of Odin and their people needed them both.

While Thor remained the public face of Asgard, Loki worked behind the scenes with their people. After all, he’d ruled Asgard for some years in his guise as Odin, and their people had prospered internally, though others of the realm had floundered. Combining their knowledge and abilities would only benefit their people in the future.

However, the humans saw Loki as a war criminal. They wanted him arrested and thrown in jail. But what prison would hold the God of Mischief if he wished to be free? None on Midgard. Instead, they’d bargained.

Dr. Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme, whom Loki called no better than a charleton playing at the cosmos, was tasked with seeing Loki didn’t venture from their new land in Norway unless it was to arrive at the Tower in New York.

Now, Thor knew if Loki wished it he could go where he damn well pleased without Strange or anyone else being the wiser. After all, he’d fooled Heimdall’s eyes, but for his part, Loki was abiding by the restrictions placed upon him.

But Thor spent as much time as he could away from the sad, scared eyes of what was left of the Asgardians. He’d been a failure as their King. He’d failed to protect his father. He'd failed to protect his friends. He’d failed to protect his people. He’d failed to protect Asgard. He’d even failed to defeat Hela. Only unleashing Sutra on Asgard and bringing about Ragnarok had accomplished that feat.

What kind of King was he to abandon everything? What kind of leader was he? He’d spent more years running through the realms fighting than he had bearing the mantle of his responsibilities. He should have been there, ruling under his Father’s watchful eye instead of letting Odin waste away in a home not his own.

He was a failure as a King and a failure as a son and a failure as a brother. He’d let everyone down.

“How’d you get her out?” Bucky asked, breaking Thor out of his depressing thoughts.

“Ivanov was out of town on business, leaving her alone with only a handful of guards. Friday hacked their security. A few well-placed gas pellets later we were in and getting her out. Then it was doctors, and physical therapy, and making sure he’d never find her. We went through lawyers. Subsidiaries. Routed money through so many offshore accounts even Friday was confused-” 

“I was not,” the AI denied.

“-so they couldn’t trace any trail back to Stark Industries. No one knew of Fallon’s connection to Pep, and no one will. When she filed for divorce was when she found out their marriage wasn't officiated. She owned nothing. He’d held her like a prisoner for years, and she was owed nothing!” Stark’s fist slammed onto the bar top. “We brought up the abuse, showed the evidence to his lawyers, and he laughed. Said she fell down a flight of stairs because she was clumsy. He pushed her down a flight of stairs! Pushed! Her word against his, they said, and with his connections and the fact for years he’d been spreading the rumour his wife was unstable, suicidal, and had moments of mania, we knew he’d get away with it. So Fallon called a stop to everything. All she wanted was a chance to start over. We got her that, hid them away, and made sure she was safe.”

“Them?” Steve asked.

“She’s got kids.”

“Christ!” Bucky snarled. “Didn’t he protest? Just to mess with her?”

“He can’t,” Tony smirked over the rim of his glass. “According to Ivanko, they never had children. He's said so publicly many times. Fallon was never meant to see the light of day after he got his hooks in her. He used those kids as leverage to keep her quiet.” The smile faded slowly from his face. “He beat her so badly when she was pregnant with the twins; they were born four weeks early. She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, and she’s just starting to get her feet under her. Ease into it with Fallon. If she’s Pep’s new assistant, you’ll all have to interact with her. Just… go easy. I find she’s more comfortable with me if I sit. Pepper said he was a loomer.”

“I do not know what that means,” Thor murmured, his heart aching for the woman who’d been through so much.

“Stand over her threateningly,” Steve explained. “Anything else?”

“Soft voice. Calm movements. Do not try and touch her. She does better if there is a piece of furniture between you and her.” Tony threw back the rest of his drink. “She doesn’t trust men.”

“An understandable reaction to what was likely a lot of years of hell,” Sam murmured.

“She seemed fine with the one at reception,” Thor grumbled, wondering what the difference was.

“Kenneth is as gay as Elton John and as non-threatening as a kitten,” Sam chuckled. “Not surprised they get along. He’d be safe to her. No sexual interest. The rest of us are question marks she needs help figuring out.”

“So let’s help her figure it out,” Steve said, handing a short glass of the Asgardian brandy to Bucky before holding out the third to Thor.

It was like a taste of home when it warmed his throat and brought an unshed tear to Thor’s eye.

***

Fallon ran her hand down the front of her tan tartan dress. Yes, she was fussing. Yes, she knew it would do little to hide the excess weight she carried around her middle, but she did it anyway.

The dress had been one Pepper had forced her into, but Fallon couldn't fault her eye for design. The pattern was subtle, the cut professional and flattering with the thin red belt and way the fabric draped across her waist. She even liked the flower at the collar, though the twins had both tried to grab and rip it off. It had taken every ounce of confidence to blowout and curl her hair, leaving it down for the first time in months, only to lose her nerve and twist it into her standard bun.

Jay had liked to use it against her-

She slammed the mental door on that memory and purposely added a touch more makeup before stepping into nude pumps.

Pepper had been ruthless in their shopping, forcing Fallon into store after store, only for Fallon to break down in the dressing room of the fifth one.

Nothing fit. Nothing ever fit. No one made clothing for a woman like her. It was the other reason Fallon's suits fit so poorly. They were the best she could do.

Of course, Pepper had been devastated for making Fallon feel bad, and angry at the stores she frequented for discriminating against fuller figured women. She'd apologized profusely, but it wasn't Pepper's fault she could walk in any store and buy clothing off the rack.

Fallon was grateful when she found yoga pants at Walmart that fit. It wasn't like she was looking to be the next great fashion icon; but Pepper insisted there had to be something, or someone, who made clothes for women who had, as Pepper put it, “perfectly normal bodies”. She'd had children and fought a battle Pepper couldn't even begin to imagine. If Fallon had scars and cellulite and stretch marks, each one was earned fighting for her babies.

Another round of tears ensued as well as a hearty Google search headed up by Friday, who eventually found places like Lafayette 148, Mynt 1792, and Lane Bryant, all designed for women of multiple shapes and sizes.

The rest of the afternoon had been a whirlwind of fittings and shopping the likes of which Fallon hadn't enjoyed since she'd been a size four back in Uni. The sales people were wonderful, the clothing fit or was easily tailored, and for the first time in a long time, Fallon had looked in the mirror and seen someone close to who she'd once been.

Pepper had paid for everything, insisting it had come out of Fallon's clothing allowance, but as Fallon had seen a few of the price tags on her new clothes, she was pretty sure Pepper had lied about the clothing allowance in order to see Fallon kitted out in a new wardrobe.

Lord knew the woman liked to spoil Fallon's kids with toys and clothes. Aunt Pepper never arrived without a present in hand. The twins were happy to play with anyone who paid attention to them, but Dylan adored Pepper and Tony. He wasn't old enough to remember the abuse of the man who'd been his father, but Fallon would never forget the night he'd walked into her son's room with the knife and stood over the sleeping boy.

“It would be so easy to slit his throat. His. Theirs.” He glared at the twins in their crib, “Yours.” He'd stared at her with soulless black eyes.

She'd known right then their days were numbered and the clock was winding down.

Fallon gave herself one last look in the mirror and nodded. No, this was not the woman she had always thought she'd be, but maybe Pepper was right. Surviving wasn't living, and if she never moved forward, never moved on, Jay still won. She would remain the broken woman he'd made her. Crushed and defeated.

She didn't want to be that person anymore; scared of her own shadow.

Slipping the gold bracelet over her wrist, the one Pepper and Tony had given her for her birthday, Fallon decided today would be the first step down the road to the rest of her life.

Of course, first steps were never smooth, and when she walked out of the bedroom to find Dylan had poured out an entire gallon of milk on the kitchen floor and Corbin and Emma were sitting in it splashing gleefully, she knew today would be no exception.

***

“I'm so sorry, Pepper!” Fallon said as she rushed into Pepper's office ten minutes late with a garment bag over her arm, her purse clutched under it, a pastry box in one hand and takeout tray with three cups in the other. “I swear it won't happen again.”

“Fallon.” Pepper smiled and shook her head. “I told you on the phone it was fine. If I walked out into a three toddler milk mess, I probably would have just called in sick.”

Nancy waddled closer and plucked the pastries from her fingers. “I hate you for these, and I love you for these. Get yourself settled, Fallon, and we'll get started in a few minutes.

“Here, Nancy. I got you that tea you like.” Fallon plucked the cup from the tray and held it out, causing her load to shift and her purse to slide out from under her arm. Resigned to picking up a mess, Fallon frowned when the resounding splat didn't occur.

Nancy smiled at someone behind Fallon while she took her tea. “Fast hands as always, Captain.”

Terror tore up her spine. Fallon stiffened and clamped her eyes shut for a moment before forcing all her muscles to relax one by one. Slowly she turned to face him and was grateful when Pepper took the tray from her shaking hand.

Less than a foot from her stood Steve Rogers, America’s Golden Son. “Ma'am,” he smiled, boyish and sweet. A little crooked, kind of like his nose.

Huh… She'd never noticed that before and wondered when he'd broken it. It had to be pre-serum. It wouldn't have stayed crooked otherwise. Her gaze shifted to his bright blue eyes and found concerned and a little confusion.

“Oh!” She'd been staring intently for lord knew how long and blushed to the roots of her hair. “Y-yes. Thank you, Cap- Captain.”

“See something you like, Fallon?” Pepper teased, not helping the deep red radiating heat from Fallon's face.

She took her purse and held it against her middle. “I-I… nose crooked!” she squeaked.

Steve chuckled. “Yeah. Throws people sometimes. They forget I was a little guy who had a propensity toward fighting.” He made to cross his arms, then seemed to decide against it and tucked his hands in his pockets, hunching over a little as he did.

It made him look - somehow - shy and vulnerable. A few more of Fallon's muscles relaxed. “I… kind of thought pre-serum or it wouldn't have stayed crooked.”

His grin widened. “Look at you go. I'll see Tony gets on those reports, Pep. Fallon, have a great first day.”

“Thank you!” Fallon beamed, proud of herself for not feeling the need to run and cower.

Nancy giggled once he was gone. “Don't worry, Fallon. It gets easier the longer you're around them.”

She headed out the door, Fallon and Pepper watching her go. “She… thought I was starstruck.”

“A lot of people are when they first meet Steve.” Pepper squeezed Fallon's hand. “I'm so proud of you!”

A new blush filled Fallon's face. “You were right yesterday.  Surviving isn't living. I need to live in order to give my babies a good life. That includes not fleeing the room when a guy walks into it. And he was nice.”

“Steve is very nice,” Pepper said with a smile. “You'll see. Now.” She frowned at the garment bag over Fallon’s arm. “What’s that?”

She handed it to Pepper and tossed her purse on a nearby chair before tugging on the tie belt of her new - stylish - trench coat. “I figured I would be less likely to need to change clothes a third time if I just brought them with me.”

When Fallon pulled the coat open, Pepper gave a horrified gasp. “Oh, my god, Fallon! You could have taken the time to change at home!”

“With my luck,” she grumbled looking down on the soggy flower and stain splattered front of her new dress, “I would have changed only to have someone spit up on me. You know how Emma is.”

“Still with the acid reflux?” Pepper frowned making her way toward a panel inset in the wall and nearly invisible. She gave it a push, popping open the door that led into her personal washroom.

“Yeah. It doesn’t seem to matter what I try. The doctor figures she’ll grow out of it, I just don’t know when. And she got her chubby little hands on that,” Fallon pointed at her hair, “And made a complete mess of it.”

“Fallon, you’re hair is gorgeous. Just wear it down.”

Panic flared hot and acidic in her stomach. “I… I… can’t.”

Pepper stopped and looked at her. “Don’t let him win, Fallon.”

“Pep…”

“You did amazing with Steve, sweety. Take another step.”

Fallon squeezed her eyes closed. “It’s just… he used to use it as a weapon against me, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring myself to cut it.”

Pepper grabbed her hand and hung on tight. “I know. I know, Fallon. I remember you talking about your mom.”

“Hers was so beautiful,” Fallon smiled, sniffling a little to keep from crying. The welling of Pepper’s eyes had Fallon’s burning. “If you cry, Pepper, I’ll cry, and if I do that today, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop.”

“Right.” Pepper cleared her voice and fanned her face. “Go change. Use whatever of my stuff you need to, but I hope…” She reached up and gently pulled the last of the pins from Fallon’s hair, sending it tumbling to her waist. “I hope you leave this down. It really is something else, Sugar Bird.”

“Don’t start, Hot Tamale,” Fallon snickered when Pepper squawked a sound entirely at odds with her high powered executive look.

“Do not tell Tony about that! I will never live it down!” she cried as the door shut behind Fallon.

Giggling like a madwoman, Fallon quickly stripped out of her dress, sighing sadly at its state. It had taken an hour to pick out what she’d wanted to wear today. Insecurities and body image issues making her doubt herself until finally deciding on the pretty tan plaid. Then her entire morning had shot to hell, sending her scrambling through the closet in a panic, grabbing whatever was closest and would work with the nude shoes she had no time to change.

But once she was in it, she remembered why the deep red dress had made the cut. It was comfortable, the fabric soft against her skin. It had a cute little rounded collar which framed the v-neck, three quarter length sleeves, and a flowing A-line skirt which fell just below her knees. It was adorable and made looking at herself in the mirror easier. And when she used the wide bristle brush she found in the drawer beside the sink, it made her hair fall in curls and twists around her.

She couldn’t believe how much she looked like her mother. “Mama,” she whispered, awed by the woman in the mirror. There were no pictures anymore. Nothing left from her family. Jay had seen to that. He’d taken it all away, but staring back at her in the mirror, she found a face so similar to her mother’s Fallon gasped a ragged little breath.

“Fallon, honey? Everything okay?”

Fallon startled. “Yeah, Pep. I’ll be right out.” Taking a deep breath, she cleaned up her face, dusted on a little more blush, and opened the door.

Pepper’s jaw dropped. “Oh, Fallon! You look wonderful.”

A light flush came to her cheeks. “I kind of do, and I like it.” She passed her hand over her hip. “This fabric is so soft I want to pet myself.”

Pepper snorted a giggle and wrapped Fallon up in a hug. “You’re so cute! I love it. And your hair. God, I hate you for your hair.”

“Well, I hate your skinny ass, bitch.”

“You’re the bitch,” Pepper chuckled. “Come on. We’ll send one of the interns to take your dress to the dry cleaners.”

“Oh, they don’t have to do that!” Fallon protested.

Pepper waved her off. “What are interns for if not inane, mindless errands no one wants to do?”

“Maybe I should be calling you Boss Bitch,” Fallon chuckled.

“You do, and you’re fired,” Pepper snickered.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Shut up, ho.”

“Ms. Potts! What language! I may have to report you to HR.”

She rolled her eyes and flipped Fallon the bird. “You bring out the worst in me.”

“I bring out the sorority in you,” Fallon corrected. “Next you’ll be doing a keg stand and taking Tequila shots from Tony’s belly button.”

“Oh, god!” she burst out laughing. “For the love of Thor, please, please! Do not bring up frat parties and our sisterhood days. I will pay you not to tell Tony.”

“Not to tell Tony what?” Tony asked, striding into Pepper’s office without bothering to knock or have Nancy announce him.

“Nothing!” Pepper and Fallon said at the same time, prompting them both to look at each other and laugh.

“I see how it’s going to be,” Tony pouted. “You two are going to have your little secrets and inside jokes, and I’m going to be the odd man out.”

“Aww,” Pepper patted his cheek when he wrapped his arm around her waist. “Poor baby.”

“That’s right. Pity me.”

Fallon snickered, amazed at the relationship they had. “Pepper, do you mind if I leave a second change of clothes in your closet? Just in case I have another morning mishap?”

“Of course you can!” A slow grin spread across her lips. “You already did, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” Fallon giggled.

Tony chuckled along with her. “Pepper, dear. I need to steal you away for a few minutes. Rogers nagged me about reports until I gave in and came to see you.”

She tugged a few of the hairs on his chin. “You weren't supposed to come and see me without those reports.”

“I'll go get started with Nancy,” Fallon smirked, finding them too sweet.

“Take your dress. Intern. Dry cleaners. Go.”

Pepper flicked her fingers, and Fallon snapped her heels together and saluted her. “Yes, ma'am! Right away, ma'am!” She grabbed the garment from the bathroom and quickly left the office, sliding the door shut as she went.

***

“I like this side of her. We're keeping her, right?” Tony asked once Fallon was out of the room.

“If I have anything to say about it. I'd forgotten how much fun we used to have together until yesterday with the shopping and the mani/pedis. Well, after I fixed my blunder.” Pepper had felt horrible, and even though she knew it wasn’t technically her fault but the designers for being assholes and not including women of all sizes in their designs, she’d still felt like such an ass for putting Fallon through all that pain when the woman had suffered more than any person should ever have to.

“Hey, you didn’t know.” Tony hugged her closer. “But look how great she looked today. She looked… confident and at ease and that’s a first.”

Pepper stroked Tony’s jaw, loving the feeling of his soft beard. “She almost lost it when Steve was here. I thought she was going to bolt for a second, but she did so well. Smiled and relaxed. You were right to start with him.”

Returning to the tower after dropping Fallon at home, Pepper had found the lot of them sitting around drinking, discussing Fallon. Once she’d gotten over her anger at them for talking about the woman like she was something less than human, and learned why they’d been discussing her in the first place, she’d reluctantly agreed to go along with their plan to introduce Fallon to the Avengers in small, short interactions so each could go easy with her.

Pepper may not like that they’d talked about Fallon’s private business, nor that Tony had spilled the beans about things Pepper knew Fallon didn’t want to be bandied about like fodder for the gossip mill. But she had to admit, the little interaction with Steve had been just what Fallon needed after her tough morning.

“Did he do that thing he does?” Tony asked.

“What thing?”

“You know. That, “Aw shucks, golly gee,” stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles all crooked to make himself look sweet as apple pie and ice cream?”

Pepper arched a brow in amusement. “And just why do you pay so much intense attention to Steve?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” he said innocently.

She chuckled and ran her hand through his hair. “You can admit that he’s pretty. Even I think he’s pretty.”

“Auk!” he choked an insulted squeak. “How dare you say such a thing? I’m the only one you’re allowed to think is pretty!”

Pepper laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. “What if I said I thought you were… twelve percent prettier?”

“You’re never going to let that go are you?”

“No,” Pepper snickered. “Now, about those reports…”

Next chapter... coming eventually.

[carmenlire]

Off the Record Ch. I

I’ve had this story in mind for ages and I’m so excited to finally start it! This is my second official AU and I hope y’all like it!!

read on ao3

“Lower the hem a quarter of an inch and make a note in the file to have the model wear their hair up during the Paris Fashion Show next spring.”

Magnus studies the mannequin in front of him with a critical eye, making sure that he’s satisfied with the dress. There will be a final round of alterations before he formally adds the design to his portfolio-- before it lands an official spot in his spring line-- but for now he’s satisfied.

Turning around, it’s to see Clary scribbling furiously in her notebook, making the notes he mentioned. He’d be lost without Biscuit, who’d quickly become his favorite secretary when she’d been sent over from the NYU Institute of Fashion and Design her freshman year. She was a quick study, meticulous, and had a passion for fashion that would serve her well in the industry.

Magnus is on the fourth floor of Bane Fashions, also known as his experimental floor. The area was divided into a few sections, each of which was big enough to fit an entire penthouse apartment with room leftover. The space was light and airy with exposed pipes and cement floors and it’s where Magnus kept his designs that had yet to be revealed.

A dozen apprentices and designers catch his attention and as he looks over fabric cuts and patterns and ensembles, his eye is on the clock. While Magnus worked like a dervish, he liked to relax and catch the news when he could and luckily he was spending the day in his office with no meetings scheduled until late afternoon.

Magnus barely reaches out before a latte lands in his hand. With a nod of thanks to Clary, Magnus takes a quick sip as he listens to one of his apprentices, Maia, run through a problem with him.

It’s just a few minutes discussion as Magnus tells her what the best solution is-- in his humble opinion-- and then he’s turning toward the elevators, Clary in step beside him.

“What does the rest of my day look like, dear?”

Clary doesn’t even look at Magnus’s agenda before she replies, “You have a meeting with the finance department at two and then dinner with a potential investor tonight at nine. You let them pick the restaurant and they chose--"

“Some horribly pretentious and overpriced French restaurant, I’m sure.” Magnus’s voice is annoyed as he sighs and takes another drink from his cup, finishing it off.

Investors always wanted to flaunt their cash and they always picked restaurants that considered a serving size half a carrot and a spoonful of risotto.

Making a mental note to stop by The Jade Wolf after his business dinner concludes, Magnus looks over at Clary as they step into the empty elevator.

Inserting his access card, Magnus asks, “But until then--”

“Until then, you’re free. That gives you just over an hour for lunch.”

Smiling, Magnus lets Clary off the elevator first as they walk into the executive suite. Clary’s space was directly in front of the bank of elevators with Magnus’s office right behind. His office took half the floor and was complete with a fireplace, three separate sitting areas and an ensuite bathroom. His view overlooked Fifth Avenue and one wall overlooked another design space with a one way mirror collage.

He’d bought the prime real estate and constructed the headquarters for his company almost ten years ago. It’d been a leap of faith and the cost had given him his first grey hair at the ripe old age of twenty four.

The risk had been worth it, though, and as Magnus pours a glass of whiskey-- it’s happy hour somewhere-- he brings the glass with him to the wall of windows that overlooks one of the busiest streets in the world.

He’s earned his place here. It’s a place that screams wealth and prestige yet still doesn’t take into account the thousands and thousands of hours of work and desperation that had spurred him to build his empire from the ground up.

Bane Fashions was one of the biggest players in the industry, not an inconsiderable feat when most labels were over a hundred years old. Magnus had started right here in the city and he was an alumnus of Clary’s school. He’d been on the fast track since high school and with some luck, Bane was a household name.

He’s worked damned hard, Magnus reflects as he moves over to one of the couches. Taking a sip from his tumbler, he reaches for a remote and a few seconds later a television is rising from its concealed place in a storage cabinet.

Magnus has more guilty pleasures than he can count but one that not many people would suspect is that he has a weakness for the news.

Well, one reporter in particular.

Turning the channel to CNN, Magnus sees that he has just a few minutes before the international news program switches segments. In the meantime, lunch is brought up to him by one of his kitchen wait staff and left on the end table next to his whiskey.

Listening with half an ear to a financial adviser lament about the oncoming recession, Magnus winces and hopes that he’s just another pundit full of hot air. He really doesn’t want to think about dealing with an economic downturn as well as the regular day to day stress of running a multi-billion dollar company.

The news changes to one of its field reporters and as Magnus takes his first bite of his stir fry, he relaxes into the couch, ready to learn about what’s going on in the world today.

“Good afternoon, this is Alec Lightwood reporting from Norway. The president is set to visit later this evening in order to prepare for his meeting with rival leader. . .”

Rolling his eyes, Magnus can’t help but scoff at the screen. The president was an unmitigated asshole and while Magnus woefully feels a need to keep up on the current buffoonery of the current administration, at least half the reason he liked to tune into this particular program was because of the reporter who lessened the blow with his damning good looks.

He was usually clean shaven but occasionally sported stubble that made Magnus weak in the knees. He alternated between casual and business attire according to his assignment and location and Magnus can admit that he loves the plain-- yet exceptionally well tailored-- slacks and button-ups as much as jeans and a t-shirt.

His eyes are sharp and calculating, holding an intelligence that makes Magnus want to debate with him-- about anything, even everything-- and he was reportedly a great person when he wasn’t standing in front of a camera, too. He was reputedly an amicable coworker, if a bit surly, and he was often caught at charity functions.

No doubt about it, Alec Lightwood was a triple threat and Magnus doesn’t even try to pretend that he doesn’t find the intrepid journalist attractive as hell.

“Don’t you get tired of watching that garbage?”

Rolling his eyes, Magnus doesn’t look up at the interruption. “Just because I prefer not to go through life painfully ignorant doesn’t mean that it’s garbage. I like being politically cognizant.”

He hears Ragnor scoff as he settles on the opposite end of the couch with his ever present mug of tea.

“You and I both know you don’t watch the news in an effort to be well-informed.” Ragnor’s voice becomes particularly scathing as he continues, “Oh, doesn’t Alec look so handsome reporting in Beirut. That khaki looks just fabulous against his skin. And don’t get me started on his windblown hair. I’d let that man model anything of mine in a heartbeat.”

Magnus barely keeps his lips from twitching up even as he scowls at his best friend’s hideous exaggeration. “I do not act like that,” Magnus says defensively. “And, you’re lying to yourself if the news isn’t just a little more palatable coming from his lovely baritone.”

Raising a brow, Magnus continues, “Plus, you do know that Alec Lightwood is a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, don’t you?”

“Even if I didn’t, I’m sure you’d tell me,” Ragnor replies pleasantly and Magnus is almost impressed.

He can barely tell that Ragnor’s clenching his teeth.

“Well, let me go ahead and illuminate you. Lightwood has traveled all over the world on dangerous assignments and he’s rubbed elbows with dignitaries and revolutionists alike. He’s remarkably young for having accomplished so much.”

“Other people are into bands or tv shows. You, however, get hot under the collar for a journalist,” Ragnor replies wryly.

Rolling his eyes, Magnus finishes his stir fry in a few bites that are just a bit too large. Ragnor watches him, mildly aghast.

It’s just his luck that Alec signs off a few moments later with his usual spiel and Magnus makes sure to turn the volume up just to annoy Ragnor further.

“This has been Alec Lightwood reporting from Norway with CNN’s State of the Union. Tune back in at five o’clock to hear the latest.”

Magnus’s office is silent as the screen moves back to the two news anchors at CNN’s headquarters in the City.

Magnus stands, wiping his hands on a napkin and throwing it on top of his empty plate. Making his way to his desk that’s as organized as it is overflowing, Magnus settles in his chair that overlooks the rest of the space.

Ragnor watches him for a minute, one leg crossed over the other as he sips at is tea.

“When’s the last time you went out?”

Magnus looks up from the file he’d grabbed, reviewing the financial documents in preparation for his meeting with Ragnor and the rest of the department’s team in forty five minutes.

“I don’t see where that’s any of your business,” Magnus answers primly. “Since when are you even interested in my love life?”

Pinning him with a steady gaze, his oldest friend just raises a brow. “I think you need a hobby.”

Laughing a little, Magnus looks back down at his quarterly report, sliding on a a pair of black framed glasses. He always breathes the tiniest sigh of relief when he sees that the company’s in the black.

“I went out with a lovely woman from Denmark a few months ago. We had drinks, she took me back to her place, and I was back in the office the next morning at eight sharp.”

“You didn’t see her again?”

Magnus looks up at that, over his glasses that he can’t abide but needs all the same. “We had a perfectly nice evening but no, I didn’t try to see her again.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m busy, Ragnor,” Magnus says with exasperation. He gestures toward the mountain of paperwork in this quarter’s fiscal report, everything spread out over his desk. “Does it look like I have time to date?”

Sniffing, Ragnor just mutters, “I said you need a hobby.”

“And you think a person should be my hobby? I’m far too busy with the company to worry about my personal life.”

“No, you were busy ten years ago, fifteen, when you were just building your brand and every day was a gamble. You’re established now, Magnus. You delegate when you want to but the problem is that you just don’t want to. You work here so late that I regularly find you using your coat for a blanket while you catch a few hours’ nap on one of these blasted couches. You do-- rarely-- take vacations and you have time for yourself but is it enough?”

“I think it’s more than enough. I didn’t build Bane Fashions by--”

“Resting on your laurels, yes, I know. Still, you’re stable now, Magnus. You can afford to hire another assistant and take a step back from the company. Everyone knows that you have rigid standards and anyone you hire would be great for the job. You can trust your staff to share your vision and keep the ship headed in the right direction.”

Sighing, Magnus pulls off his glasses before pinching the bridge of his nose. When he looks up again it’s to see Ragnor patiently waiting on him.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do work more than I should but what’s the harm in it. I’m perfectly content with my little piece of the world and it makes me happy to oversee it. If I like being busy and I like devoting so much time to my brand and if the price I pay is being single, then who am I to complain?”

“Don’t you see, friend,” Ragnor starts softly. “You deserve to have both and I’d hate for you to wake up one day and resent your company when it’s all you have left.”

“Where are you planning on going,” Magnus asks with a raised brow.

Waving that away, Ragnor stands, setting his empty mug on an end table coaster. “Mock all you want, my dear, but one day you will find someone to tear down those walls you’ve built around your heart. Mark my words.”

Ragnor’s voice is ominous and Magnus can’t quite shake the feeling of foreboding that washes over him.

Deciding not to worry about it any longer, Magnus returns his attention to his work. Going to his laptop, Magnus looks over his emails for a few minutes while Ragnor comes around the desk and reviews the fiscal notes.

His phone rings fifteen minutes before his meeting is set to start and Magnus debates answering before ultimately picking up the phone on the corner of his desk.

“Bane.”

“Magnus,” the person on the other end greets warmly. “Long time, no see. How have you been?”

Chuckling, Magnus relaxes against his chair as he ignores Ragnor’s impatient look. The man had a tragic habit of being dreadfully early to every meeting and Magnus refuses to show up a quarter of an hour early when he’s the damn boss.

“Isabelle, dear, I’m fit as a fiddle. I trust that you’re well?”

“Oh, you know how it is,” she says, sounding distracted for a minute as papers rustle in the background. “I’m constantly inundated with new projects and reports but I’m managing.”

“And happy as a clam about it, I’m sure,” Magnus teases.

Isabelle was the chief scientist at Idris Labs, a private think tank in the city. Magnus had gone to her years ago when he was looking for a synthetic, hypoallergenic fabric to make a line of clothes from. They’d quickly hit it off and still remain friends who occasionally grab dinner together when their demanding schedules permit.

“Don’t you know it,” she laughs along. “There was actually a reason for my call, though.”

“I didn’t think this was a social call,” Magnus replies dryly. “What do you need, dear?”

“How would you feel about a commission? I know that you rarely take them these days but I have someone who needs a suit for a gala and I immediately thought of you.”

Humming, Magnus narrows his eyes in thought as he absently twirls a pen around his fingers. “They must have deep pockets if you’re coming to me and not Nordstrom’s Rack. Do I know them?”

Magnus hears Isabelle clear her throat before she says, “It’s actually for my brother and trust me when I say that he does alright for himself.”

Interest piqued, Magnus stills his hand as he asks, “What’s his name again? Jace? It’s been so long since we spoke last that I don’t quite remember.”

Isabelle laughs so hard that Magnus is concerned before she quiets down on the other end of the line. “Oh, hell no. Jace wouldn’t be caught dead in a suit. I’m talking about my eldest brother, Alec. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him to you before.”

Straightening in his chair, Magnus has minor heart failure as he hoarsely asks, “Alec? Alec Lightwood is your brother?”

Ragnor, who was just about to leave Magnus’s office, turns back with an arched brow. Magnus doesn’t pay him any mind as Isabelle responds.

“Yes?” Isabelle’s tone is confused as she continues, “I don’t see him very often but he's lands in New York tomorrow morning and apparently he has an awards ceremony next week that he desperately needs an outfit for. He said that he’d just go to Brooks Brothers but I persuaded him to wait until I made a call first.”

Magnus’s mind is whirling as he processes Isabelle’s words and he wants to kick himself for being such a dunce. It isn’t as though Lightwood was a popular surname. He’s known Isabelle for five years and he’s never put it together that the journalist he just so happened to have a great deal of respect and admiration for was the brother to his favorite scientist.

“It’s a fifteen percent upcharge for a rush order,” he says on autopilot and immediately wants to kick himself again. For Alec Lightwood to wear one of his suits, Magnus would pay him.

He hears Isabelle laugh a little before she hopefully asks, “Does that mean you’ll do it? I know you’ve got to be busy with your company and getting designs submitted for next year’s fashion week but I figured that it couldn’t hurt to ask.”

“My dear Isabelle, getting your brother, the exceptionally well-known journalist, to wear one of my suits to an awards ceremony? That’s publicity I can’t buy. The man can wear clothes like no one I’ve ever seen before. I should be thanking you for this opportunity. Of course I’ll accept the commission.”

“Thank you, Magnus. I know that Alec does more than fine on his own but I’d love to see what you could do if you got your hands on him.”

At that Magnus can’t help but bark out a laugh. “You and me both, dear, I assure you. When is he free for the fitting?”

Magnus wheels his chair over to one end of his desk to look over his agenda.

“It’s Tuesday and we have a week until the dinner. As far as I know, Alec’s schedule is pretty much an open slate. What about something on Thursday?”

Scanning over the week’s appointments, Magnus sees an opening. “I don’t have anything that can’t be rescheduled Thursday morning. How does ten sound?”

“Sounds great,” Isabelle says excitedly. “I’m coming with him if that’s alright?”

“Of course, dear,” Magnus says distractedly as he pencils the consultation in. “I’ll draft something up later today and have a rough model ready when you arrive that morning.”

“That sounds perfect. Thank you, Magnus, really. I saw the opportunity and I had to take it.”

“I’m sorry, Isabelle, what do you mean? I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

Magnus hears a flurry of movement on the other end as Isabelle presumably moves. “I don’t mean anything, Magnus. I just meant that I think both of you would benefit from knowing each other. You know, you sell a suit, Alec has a suit. It’s a win win.”

“Right,” Magnus says, suspicious. “Whatever the case, I really have to run off to a meeting now. I’ll see you Thursday, dear.”

“Bye, Magnus. See you then!”

Magnus hangs up, returning the phone to its cradle as he looks up and meets Ragnor’s interested gaze.

“Don’t,” he warns, seeing the gleam in his friend’s eyes.

“Whatever do you mean,” Ragnor sniffs. “I’m not doing anything except trying to make it to the meeting that’s been scheduled for six weeks.”

“Don’t read more into this than there is. I know that look. That’s the scheming Ragnor look. I always end up miserably hungover and in jail when that look crosses your face.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Ragnor replies drolly, though there is a subtle smirk on his mouth.

Magnus starts toward the meeting room, nodding to Clary as they pass her desk. She’s just returning from lunch and without a hitch in her step, she drapes her coat over her chair as she answers the ringing phone.

“What are the chances that Lightwood would just so happen to need a suit from you?”

“Rather good, I’d say, considering that he often has commitments that require formal dress. Not to mention our apparently mutual acquaintance.”

“About that. Are you really telling me that you didn’t know?”

Irritated, Magnus pulls the door open so that Ragnor can enter first. Following him into the conference room, he says, “Do you really think that I wouldn’t have persuaded Isabelle to set up an introduction if I had?”

Ragnor sits down at one end of the table, Magnus taking the other. In between them are half a dozen accountants and other financial advisers from Ragnor’s department.

Opening his own file to the first page of the quarterly fiscal report, Ragnor just slides his glasses on, peering at Magnus from over the top.

“I think that I’m not coming into the office Thursday. I’d rather work from home than subject myself to being your confidante. I can only imagine what you’ll have to say after your meeting with your journalist.”

“He’s not my anything,” Magnus mutters and opens his own report to the beginning.

He hears Ragnor harrumph but neither one says anything further.

Ragnor starts in on the meeting and Magnus listens with half an ear as one of his underlings starts talking about projected versus actualized profits and expectations for the upcoming spring quarter.

He asks questions as they come to him and the meeting is two hours of Magnus reaffirming what he’d gathered from reading the report when he’d first received it a couple of weeks ago.

His company is exceedingly healthy and Magnus lets Ragnor drone on about fabric cost affecting winter profits more than anticipated. All the while, he’s preoccupied.

It’s been awhile since he last did a personal consultation. While people regularly used his designs during award season, Magnus had mostly given those over to his protege, Raphael. He was too busy in running the company to focus on the minutiae.

There were a handful of designers that fell under his trademarked umbrella. Their designs-- with final approval from him-- were part of Bane Fashions. The last time Magnus had actually designed something for a client was a few years ago when the then First Lady had come to her for her husband’s second inauguration ball.

Magnus has been so focused on next spring’s line and fixing the details that he hasn’t felt inspired lately. He’s started to wonder if he’s lost his inspiration-- and if so, how to get it back.

As he sits in his conference room though and overlooks the river, Magnus wonders if he hadn’t just need a challenge, an unexpected project.

Magnus’s mind is a whirl about color, cut, and fabric. He knows from watching Alec on the news that he favors a classic style, though he occasionally favors a signature touch.

Magnus wonders if he could get Alec into something other than a black tuxedo, debates and dismisses option after option and his fingers itch for his sketch pad.

The sun is setting by the time they reach the end of the report and Magnus asks his last question. The underlings scurry out of the room, throwing diffident nods in Magnus’s direction and before long it’s just Ragnor and Magnus in the room, watching the sky turn orange.

“Another day in the books,” Ragnor sighs, standing up and stretching. He scowls. “You were barely paying attention.”

Magnus looks up to see Ragnor looking mildly put upon. “I assure you, I paid very close attention to accounts receivable and how much my assets have increased since last year. We’re a well-oiled machine.”

He blows out a breath. “Thank Christ. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing such numbers. I’ve been in this business for fifteen years and I still can’t believe we’ve made it.”

“Well, believe it Magnus. Otherwise you wouldn’t get a chance to dress up golden boy.”

“Don’t I know it,” Magnus says absently before his gaze snaps to Ragnor’s.

“He’s not my golden boy. He’s just a reporter that I find attractive. That’s it, Cabbage. No more, no less. Who knows, he might be an asshole in person.”

“Maybe,” Ragnor says with a shrug as he gathers his papers. “That won’t necessarily stop you from flirting with him, though.”

Magnus waves that away with a sigh as he climbs to his own feet. “It would stop me from asking him out, that’s for damned sure.”

“Isn’t he going out with one of his coworkers? Lydia Branwell?”

It’s silent for a minute, Ragnor’s question hanging in the air.

“I don’t know,” Magnus mutters and decidedly does not look at his friend.

“They’re always being photographed together, you know.”

“They could just be friends,” Magnus says defensively.

“Have you ever heard that Lightwood’s strayed from the straight and narrow though,” Ragnor asks, emphasizing the former. “Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I’ve flirted with straight men before.”

“Yeah, but just when they’re homophobic assholes and you want to make them uncomfortable.”

“I’ve never heard that he’s explicitly straight so I’m choosing to keep my options open. You never know, Cabbage.”

“You can have a good idea, though,” Ragnor replies wryly and just shakes his head when Magnus sticks out his tongue.

“Go on, shoo. We’ve talked numbers but I need to finalize a few designs before I get ready for dinner.”

“Very well,” Ragnor says, “I’ll leave you to it but do try not to fall asleep in your office this time.”

“I make no promises,” Magnus says brightly and waves Ragnor toward the elevators as he goes back to his office.

Clary’s packing up for the day and they exchange a few minutes of pleasantries before he sends her on her way.

Left alone on the executive floor, Magnus sits in his chair. On one side, his view is Fifth Avenue and New York City. On the other, he overlooks water bathed in the pinks and oranges of the sunset.

His office is bigger than most apartments and his empire stretches across the world.

Magnus takes a moment to bask in his success as he’s wont to do at the end of a trying day.

He doesn’t waste long on the feeling, however, before he’s reaching for the sketch pad he keeps in one of his desk drawers.

Gathering it and his pencils, Magnus loses himself in drafting a suit for Alec. It’s a rough sketch and before he can finish it, he’s starting another one in the corner and another one until he has half a dozen possibilities on the page.

There’s classic and classic with a bold touch and outright bold and Magnus would kill to get the journalist in every outfit he’s created.

He decides to sample two, though, and Magnus swears as he looks up and sees the time. He’s running a little late but he takes the time to scan the two images and his accompanying notes. He guesses Alec’s approximate size and sends everything to the seamstress department so that they can build the suits for Thursday’s consult.

Magnus stands, running a hand through his hair before he starts toward the bathroom to get ready for his dinner.

Magnus hates investor dinners with everything he has but his company was hot right now and he needed to capitalize on that. The investors tonight had deep pockets and Magnus hopes that by the end of the evening, they’ll decide to share that wealth with him and his company’s future.

No doubt about it, Magnus thinks as he steps into his outrageously luxurious bathroom-- it was unsuitable for an office ensuite but since Magnus got ready here as much as he did his loft in Brooklyn, he’d decided to splurge.

Magnus has everything he’s ever wanted and it’s usually served on a silver platter these days. He has his business and his friends and more wealth than he can spend in his lifetime.

If he occasionally feels like something’s missing-- if there are some nights he spends tucked away in his office or roaming foreign cities while on business trips-- than it’s no one’s business but his own if he wonders if this is it, if this is what it feels like to be on top of the world.

Magnus has been at rock bottom and he’s reached his own personal mountain top and as he looks back, Magnus is pervaded by the sense that it’s unfinished. He’s checked everything off his list, has made goals and continues to reach for more.

He doesn’t know when he’ll be happy though, when he’ll be content with what he’s amassed.

Privately, Magnus has started to despair that he’ll ever feel like he’s made it, that he has everything he’s ever wanted.

He’s always reaching for more but the more he gets, the hollower he feels. Magnus doesn’t know what will fill the void but as he plays over Ragnor’s words from earlier in the afternoon, he wonders if his friend wasn’t right.

Maybe Magnus did need a hobby.

With a quiet laugh, Magnus turns off the water and wraps a towel around his hips.

Yeah, he scoffs to himself. He can’t wait to start a stamp collection.

I just need to get laid, Magnus thinks. A night-- or a weekend-- of distraction was sure to get him back on track. He just needed to blow off some steam and step away from his company for a minute before he could dive back in, refreshed.

Resolved, Magnus makes a mental note to tell Clary to clear his schedule this weekend.

Magnus has made it this long with his eye on the prize and he doesn’t see that changing any time soon.

No way, he thinks as he chooses his cuff links-- rubies to go with his red and black jacket.

Magnus doesn’t think there’s anyone out there who could ever become a bigger priority than his company and he decided a long time ago that he wouldn’t half-ass anything. He’s chosen his company time and time again. Even when it was hard, even when it was inconvenient.

Magnus shakes his head as he walks toward his floor length mirror. There’s no sense in talking about things that won’t happen. He’ll just focus on his company and maybe in six months, a year, he won’t feel like this.

He just needs a new project, something to focus all of his restless energy on. He’s grown a little stale, a little jaded.

Nothing something new won’t fix, Magnus reflects.

If his thoughts stray to Alec and the design he’d chosen, then that’s no one’s business but his own.

He always did like a challenge.

[metalandmagi]

January Media Madness

It’s a new year, and yes I’m still keeping track of the stuff I watch and/or read. I really just like being able to keep track of everything that came out during the year, and I like to shout my thoughts into the void. And maybe someone will find something they like.

Movies!

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals: Okay, not a movie, but it’s the latest musical from Starkid so I had to include it somewhere. And this time it’s a horror alien/zombie take over that causes everyone to act like they’re in a musical, and humanity’s only hope is an average guy who happens to not like musicals. That may not sound bad, BUT THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS! The plot could sort of meander at times, but it’s hilarious and also pretty dark for Starkid. If nothing else, watch it because Lauren Lopez is a goddess. 9/10

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Everyone’s favorite silly King Arthur searching for the holy grail story. I hadn’t watched this movie since I was a kid, and there was so much stuff I forgot about! And yeah it’s still pretty great. I do feel like it drags in the middle a little, but I still always enjoy the tomfoolery! 9/10

Three Identical Strangers: A documentary about a set of identical triplets who were separated at birth and the sinister intentions of the adoption agency who separated them. On top of being an interesting story, it is super thought provoking bringing up questions of scientific morality, nature vs nurture, and mental health...which does make it a little depressing. I love the way it sets up the mystery of the story, but it also makes you feel terrible for trying to plot out and guess the story of these actual human beings’ lives. So I’d recommend it to anyone who is interested in crazy stories and scientific corruption! 9/10

Venom: A classic tale of a boy and his symbiote. In which the weirdest investigative reporter in the world is possessed by an alien parasite while trying to stop a corrupt corporation from constantly murdering people. Guys, I originally never planned to see this movie. I never cared about Venom. I was never big into the Spiderman universe, but then this movie came out and everyone was saying how weird it was...and how Eddie and Venom are like a thing...so curiosity got the better of me. And I’m kind of underwhelmed. I think I would have liked it more if I never had any expectations going into it, because it really wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. The first 30 minutes were a slog, the dialogue was clunky, the plot was very predictable and basic, and I feel like Eddie and Venom didn’t have enough interaction. But it had its moments, I get why some people love it, and I did like what I saw of the symbiote relationship, so all in all it was just..okay. Oh well. 6.5/10

Mama Mia Here We Go Again: The just as ridiculous sequel to Mama Mia, featuring more dumb plots that don’t fit together, more dumb writing, and more over the top performances. Just like the first one, it’s a silly excuse to put some ABBA songs in a movie and make you have fun, and it accomplishes that in spades. Because if you’re watching a Mama Mia movie for the “plot” or anything other than the musical numbers and silliness, you’re making a huge mistake. It is a little clunkier trying to weave two timelines together, but who cares because they’re singing Dancing Queen! As an actual movie, we all know it’s barely passable as a 6/10 but just for getting drunk with your friends and having fun it’s a 9/10

Books!

The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis: The fifth/third book in the Chronicles of Narnia in which a boy and a talking horse run away from the land of Calormen to get to Narnia...and find out about a plot to take over Narnia along the way. I know some people think this is the most interesting book in the series plot wise, and technically there is more plot...but it’s boring as hell. I really think Lewis’s normal interjections would have made it more entertaining, but he doesn’t use his author’s voice at all! Not only is it written in an incredibly circular and drawn out way (some people literally tell stories like they’re writing the bible), but it’s also SUPER RACIST and kind of sexist too. I was so excited because when the book first started I thought we were getting a canonical protagonist of color...and then he turns out to be a kidnapped white boy surrounded by “savages.” Yes we have Aravis...but I really don’t know how to feel about her. Also Bree the horse is really just an asshole, so it’s hard to like any of the characters. I did appreciate having adult Edmund and Susan around though, so it’s not a total waste. The truth is, this is the book that I could barely get through as a kid and would constantly fall asleep reading so I barely remembered anything besides the fact that I didn’t like it. 3/10

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson: In a distant future, humans are trapped on a wasteland planet where their only hope for survival are teenagers flying spaceships while fighting a mysterious alien race. Aka: local girl is constantly dumped on by society and makes friends with a talking spaceship. Okay this book definitely has its problems, but I mostly don’t care because 1. The world building is great. 2. Spensa is a fun main character. 3. All the side characters have distinguishable personalities and interactions *cough* m-bot *cough*. And 4. The plot could be predictable at times but I really liked following the mystery of it all...even if there’s some weird chosen one type of bullshit going on towards the end. It has a major season one Attack on Titan vibe with all the questions about humanity’s history and mankind uniting to fight a mysterious enemy. This is a super fun read that kept me theorizing and was also incredibly motivational. Did I like all of Sanderson’s decisions when it came to which characters died? Hell no. Do I think the government would have a lot more backlash considering its dumbass way of fighting wars? Yes. But I’d still recommend it, and I’m still looking forward to the next book! 8/10

TV Shows!

Aggretsuko: The most adorable musical comedy anime of 2018, where Retsuko, a 25 year old office worker is getting fed up with her job and copes with life by singing aggressive death metal songs...and by the way everyone’s a cute animal. I’m a little late to this party, but this show is so precious and also disturbingly accurate to real life. Retsuko is so relatable, Haida’s crush on her is well executed and not forced, there’s great working women solidarity (Gori and Washimi are the fucking queens of anime side characters) and the metal is so well integrated! Please watch this charming show and the Christmas special if you haven’t already! I NEED ANOTHER SEASON NOW! 10/10

A Series of Unfortunate Events (season 3): The final season of the Baudelaires’ tale of misery and woe. And man did they stick the landing. “But it doesn’t leave things vague enough, they didn’t leave the sugar bowl a mystery.” GOOD! I’ve had to deal with Snicket’s badly written ending to the books since 2006. I love that they explained as much as they did. The ending was bittersweet and more concrete while still delivering the message of how the world is morally gray. Also Quigley was amazing, Sunny was amazing, FERNALD WAS AMAZING! KIT WAS AMAZING! EVERYONE WAS AMAZING! And I almost cried seeing the kids in their outfits from the book covers. I wish Jacqueline was in it, but I think her character would have felt redundant with Kit in the mix. This was an amazing adaption all around, and this season did a great job at putting some of the more...difficult books on screen without it feeling out of place. Even if you haven’t read the books, I encourage anyone who likes mysteries and different forms of storytelling to suffer with the rest of us! 10/10

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (season 1): Local overpowered psychic anime boy just wants to be ignored and blend in with society, but the universe constantly surrounds him with silly situations that cause him to use his powers. I finally got around to watching this show, and it’s hilarious. Kusuo is a great deadpan main character who is definitely ace as hell, and the English dub is actually pretty good! I don’t really want to watch the show in Japanese now because I feel like the dub does a better job at timing the comedic lines and distinguishing everyone’s thoughts. So now I’m upset that the second season hasn’t been dubbed (thanks Netflix). But yeah it’s a great silly show to binge watch. 10/10

Community: The misadventures of a wacky study group going to the world’s worst community college. You know, the one with all the memes? Okay, I know I’m the last one to watch this and  technically I still have a season and a half left at this point, but I thought I’d include it anyway. This show is such a wild ride that I don’t even know what to think about it anymore. The first two seasons were pretty average with a few absolutely brilliant episodes thrown in. And then...the paintball episodes happened, and the show just became amazing. I do have a lot of questions though....like if the main character is a lawyer (sort of), why does he never sue the dean for sexual harassment? Why does Pierce, the resident old, sexist, racist, problematic baby boomer have an “arc” centered around a logical fallacy. No one wants to hang out with him because he’s terrible, but he’s upset because he feels left out and constantly does terrible things to get back at them? I literally almost dropped the show because I couldn’t take him anymore, and then the writers just magically dial him back in his last seasons...which I’m thankful for. And I don’t even know where to being with Chang. BUT this show is a testament to creative writing and innovative meta ways to tell stories. The rest of the study group is made up of hilarious well balanced characters that all have their distinct broken but quirky personalities. And I love them all...except Pierce. So, even though I haven’t finished it, I’d give it an 8.5/10 so far.

Superstore: A sitcom about the daily struggles of workers in a W*lmart-esque superstore. I finally caught up to it, and it’s still fine. It’s not great, but not terrible either. It is incredibly accurate though, coming from someone who works retail. The best parts of the show are the scene transitions because they show all the things customers are doing in the store. And most of the time I just nod and go “yeah I’ve seen that.” This is one of those shows to have on for the sake of just having something on. It has its moments. 7/10

Honorable Mentions

Because these are the reasons why I didn’t really read much this month...or watch many movies.

YOUNG JUSTICE is officially back with the long awaited season 3. And it’s still pretty great, but man I wish I had rewatched the original series.

Netflix released the Taylor Swift Reputation stadium performance. So now you all know how much of a slut for Taylor Swift I am. I can’t help it if her latest album is basically Captive Prince the musical!

The Masked Singer (US version) is dragging me into a spiral of conspiracy theories. Please watch this ridiculous reality show where celebrities wear elaborate costumes and a super annoying judging panel tries to guess who they are. I’m in hell, because this show is set up terribly, but I also don’t want to leave.

Life is Strange 2: episode 2 was finally released. And I’m actually loving it. These games have a special place in my heart for some reason.

New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe came out and I hate myself for buying these stupid games because they consume all my time, and I don’t even really like them.

[loftyexecutor]

clean slate (10/?)

Pairing: (eventual) addcest [LPDE] & elsain [LKATh] WC this chapter: 2600 Rating: T+ TWs: (past) abuse, talking about it, ptsd flashbacks, anxiety attacks AU: modern/single parent Lusa (with his tiny son Arc) + runaway Esper (hah) Notes: shoutout to @bitgaram-mu for flinging themself out of a window after the last chapter rip

ao3 link

“I’m sorry, but it seems you should come back to meet Esper some other time,” Lusa says, holding a hand over the phone so Arc wouldn’t hear him. His adrenaline is spiked so high he feels his arteries will pop one by one.

Asker stands up from the armchair, having not budged at all until now. “Unfortunately, that is not possible. After all, I won’t be returning here, and neither will Esper. That insufferable child needs to be put back in his place.”

Lusa frowns, staring the man down with a mixture of shock and nausea brimming in his stomach. “You should go,” he says, unnaturally level, “Now.”

“Very well, looks like my unchecked tongue resulted in me overstaying my welcome. It’s not like Esper is here anymore, anyway. Now where could that brat have hidden? Surely yours has an idea?”

The phone screen crackles under the force of Lusa’s grip. It’s only one, two steps before he’s close enough to the man to wind his arm back. There’s a sickening crunch as his fist makes contact with the man’s jaw and sends him backwards with sheer power.

“I will not repeat myself,” Lusa mutters, all too ready to send another punch. “Leave.” His breathing is shallow; he sees red when he stares at the primly dressed man, now bleeding from his probably broken nose.This man is the reason why Esper ran away, why Arc is crying into the phone. Esper had call him his father, so that means…

His heart beats frantically, and the more pieces his brain puts together, the less he can think about, save for ‘this man deserves to die’.

“I won’t let you lay a hand on Es ever again,” he hisses. The reason for Esper’s fear is right there before him; Lusa isn’t about to pass up an opportunity to break more than just his nose, especially since best case scenario, it’s never presented to him again.

“Now, now, let’s not get hasty here—”

Too little, too late. Lusa is throwing another punch already, enjoying the pained noise that leaves Asker a little too much. It’s all too easy to yank that crisp collar up and drag the man out of the house.

Arc’s sniffles are still audible through the phone. Lusa needs to get to them yesterday.

He throws Asker to the ground without a shred of mercy. The blood splatter on the cobblestone path is like a trophy. Lusa shouldn’t feel accomplished seeing it there, but to hell with it now, he does.

“If you ever show your face here again… You’ll end up with more than a few punches. Trust me when I say I have no qualms about taking a pathetic life like yours.”

Asker coughs, picking himself up with obvious difficulty. Duly noted, he groans “Don’t know what you see in that stupid child anyhow. He’s about as useless as a broken TV.”

Lusa is kicking out before he can stop himself. Right in the stomach, heel driving into the soft meat there. “Not another word, you asshole!”

Asker is writhing on the ground like the worm he is and Lusa would love to keep watching him, add a few more kicks to the tally, but he’d already wasted more time than he should have.

“I’m coming, Arc, hang in there, okay?” he tells Arc, “I’ll fix everything.”

Maybe he shouldn't’ drive in a state like this, but he doesn’t care much, already peeling off and heading into the town. He’s lucky no police cars patrol that day, because he breaks no less than five traffic rules within the four minutes it takes to get to the correct shop. He even leaves the engine running while scavenging the alleys.

Arc provides half-helpful, half-choked tips that lead Lusa into the correct place.

“Dad!” Arc cries as soon as Lusa rounds the corner, out of breath.

“Oh, thank god,” Lusa sighs, dropping to his knees in front of his family, ignoring the sting of concrete. His heart aches at the sight; Esper is curled up in a corner of the dirty spot, staring down and holding Arc close to his chest like his life depended on it.

Lusa reaches out slowly, so as not to startle Esper, but he doesn’t seem to even notice him.

“Es, c’mon, it’s me,” he cooes, but still nothing. “Gimme Arc, we can’t stay here. Let’s go home.”

He tries to pull Esper’s arms away from Arc and pull them up, and that's when Esper finally reacts, snapping back to himself, though Lusa isn’t sure he’s happy about it now.

Esper jumps up, hugging Arc so he doesn’t fall. “No!” he cries, voice breaking painfully, “I won’t let you hurt Arc!”

“Es, that’s dad!” Arc tells him, but Esper is acting more like a startled rabbit than anything. He even backs up until his back hits the wall, effective trapping himself further in the corner.

“Esper…” Lusa grits his teeth, fighting back tears that threaten to fall from his overflowing eyes. “It’s me, c’mon… I won’t hurt you, I’d never…  I’d never hurt you or Arc… Please, let’s go home now…”

“Home…” Esper echoes, shoulders slumping from their tense position. His eyes gain a panicked glint, brows arching up and scrunching together. “It’s not cleaned… Father will come home, he’ll see… Hurts… Stop it, Im— I’m sorry… Please, I’ll clean it—”

Against better judgement, Lusa listens to his instinct and wraps his arms around both Esper and Arc, holding the shaking man while he bawls, muttering apologies and incoherent descriptions that only further break Lusa’s heart, or what’s left of it right now.

Oh, how he regrets not breaking more than Askers nose!

“Esper, it’s fine… He’s not here anymore. He can’t hurt you, I won’t let him. C’mon now, let’s go back to our home, not his. No cleaning, we’ll order take out and watch a ninja movie, how’s about it?”

Esper sniffles. “Lusa,” he mutters, stopping his rambles as if he just notices who he is with, who is holding him.

“Yeah, it’s me. Let’s get out of here, put Arc down, I’ll hold you.”

Reluctantly, Esper puts Arc down, and the kid runs up to Lusa to hug him, hiding his face in Lusa’s thigh. “Dad, what’s going on?” he asks, clinging to his pant leg. Lusa leans down and scoops him up, perching the kid on his hip as he wraps an arm around Esper’s shoulders.

“That man who was at our house was very, very bad. He hurt Es before,” he tries explaining, watching as Esper stares at him with a pained expression. “Don’t be mad at Esper, Arc, okay? He wanted to keep you safe from that man.”

“Uh-uh… Is the bad man gone now”?

“Yeah, your dad beat him in a fight. He was gonna hurt us all, but I kicked him out!” He looks straight at Esper as he says that, trying to smile reassuringly.

“Is he really gone?” Esper asks, quiet, raspy. All the crying had taken a toll on his voice. “What if he comes back? He knows where you live—”

“Where we live, Es,” Lusa corrects him. He rubs Esper’s upper arm through his shirt. “I won’t let him hurt you again. That’s a promise. A swear.”

Esper nods numbly, leaning into the touch with only slight reluctance. Lusa leads him back to the car and seats Arcin his seat. Esper clambers into the passenger seat in silence. In fact, the whole ride back is silent, not even Arc piping up with the usual banter. The radio is still off from when Lusa turned it down to hear Arc more properly when searching for them.

It’s Asker’s grace that the Sedan is no longer sitting in their driveway when they get home. It’s nowhere to be seen, actually.

Lusa parks and gets up, but when Esper doesn’t move, he circles the car and opens the passenger door for him. “C’mon, Es,” he prompts.

Esper looks up at him, as if snapping out of deep thoughts. He nods, very stiffly, and slowly gets out. His eyes flick back and forth, obviously ready to bolt again. With how he’s acting, Lusa is surprised (though not unpleasantly) he even agreed to that the car ride.

Arc runs inside as soon as Lusa opens the door, rushing down the hall and picking up a plushie from the ground. It’s a dark cat , one that Lusa doesn’t recognize. “Hey, who’s that?” he asks, making sure Esper actually comes inside before he heads to the kitchen with Arc.

“Um, this is Miss Meow,” Arc says, dusting said Miss until she’s clean enough for his standards. “Esper got me her um… earlier.”

“Oh, did he?” Lusa motions for Esper to join them at the dining table. “You should show me all you got at the store!”

Arc wastes no time to launch into a tirade about his new backpack — which he’d been wearing this whole time and would probably need a quick wash, not just dusting — and the super cool blow pens that everyone is gonna be jealous of’. Lusa had thought it’d help take his mind off of what happened, so he didn’t even comment that he said ‘no’ to those same pens a few days prior.

Esper, though… still looks out of it, glancing out of the window every few minutes to check the driveway. Okay, Lusa is being generous, Esper is actually snapping his head around all the time, to the point where Lusa is worried he’ll tear something in his neck or something.

He wants to talk to him about what ha happened, apologize for not knowing — not recognizing the man. He wants to fic today, restart it and prevent it from ever happened. But he doesn’t possess time powers and Esper still looks lost in his own kitchen.

Plus Lusa wants to give him his all when they actually tackle this issue. For now he gives his  all to his son,holding back every single comment about Esper soiling Arc too much r buying him too many things. He’s glad Arc can still be positive, at least.

Wishes Esper would too, but he knows it’s too soon.

—

They order takeout as per Lusa’s suggestion — they being Lusa, if we’re being honest — but when the delivery boy comes, Lusa can see the fatal flaw in his idea.

The doorbell ringing makes Esper almost jump out of his skin. He hides in the kitchen, pressing himself against the wall by the door, hidden from sight. Lusa’s heart aches at the sight and he rushes to answer the door.

The poor guy is so confused when Lusa just hands him thirty bucks and yells to keep the change.

“It’s okay, Es, just the food,” he says, setting the warm containers onto the counter. Esper is still pressed into the wall, dangerously close to tears.

Lusa walks up to him and pauses. “Esper?”

“Yeah?” Esper’s voice wavers and Lusa feels helpless.

“Can I touch you?”

Esper nods, choppy and slow, so Lusa takes a hold of his hand and pulls him to the living room to sit on the couch. He sits close to him, but still far enough so it doesn’t feel claustrophobic.

“Es, I want to talk about what happened before,” he says, and doesn’t hesitate to continue even when Esper curls u. “I want to apologize. If I’d known that’s your father, I— wouldn’t’ve let him in. Hell, I’d punch him sooner.”

“You punched him?” Esper asks, wide eyes staring at Lusa like he’d just grown a second head.

Lusa’s chest fills with pride and he grins at Esper, mimicking punching the air with one hand. “Fuck yeah I did! Twice, and then kicked him some. Prolly broke his nose, too. I would’ve done more, but I wanted to get to you and Arc as soon as I could.”

Esper frowns, hiding a grimace behind a hand. “What did… he do?”

“Oh, he laid there and took it like the scum he is! I told him I’d have no problem getting bloody if he ever showed up again.”

“He’ll… he’ll be back… Even angrier, probably, he’ll… he’ll hurt you and Arc and— and he’ll… drag me back— home—” Esper babbles, tugging at the longer strands of his hair. His eyes stare at nothing and he almost rips the hair out, but Lusa wraps his fingers around his hands, gently pulling them away.

“Hey, I was serious when I told him I’d have no problem getting rid of him I won’t let you get hurt anymore, I swear. You hear? I swear, he’ll never get to you again.”

Esper hiccups a sob and leans onto Lusa (read: falls onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes), shoulders quaking. Lusa wraps an arm around him, enveloping him in a n embrace, holding him as close as humanly possible, warm and safe.

“He knows where I live,” Esper says, and though it’s muffled in the crook of his neck, Lusa has no trouble making it out. “Where you live.”

“And if he shows up again I have the police on speed dial,” Lusa coos back, stroking a hand through Espers hair, massaging the tender scalp.

“How long do you think he’s known…? He must’ve been stalking us! What if he hurts you or— or Arc!”

“I can take care of myself. And Arc is always around us or someone we know.”

Esper doesn’t have a retort to that one, but he can’t stop crying either. Lusa holds him as he wails, staining his shirt with tears. It's not like Lusa minds; it can just get thrown into the laundry later. Esper is more important than a piece of fabric. 

“I’m sorry,” Esper says, still half-muffled.

“Why’re you apologizing?” Lusa asks, also still playing with Esper’s hair in hopes of calming him.

“He could’ve hurt you,” the lankier man answers quietly. “He only wanted me…”

Lusa shushes him immediately. “But he didn’t. And he won’t get you.” He stops carding through Esper’s hair in favor of brushing the tear streaks etched into his cheeks off. “You feel up for some dinner? You’ll feel better with a full belly.”

“Dad? Es? Is everything okay?” Asks, peeking into the living room, small fingers gripping onto the doorframe, only his head visible behind the corner.

Esper pulls away, wiping at his face. He motions Arc over and helps him sit in his lap, trying his best to make a normal smile.

“Sometimes, when something bad happens,” he says, sniffling, “you can’t do anything. Crying helps you feel better, so I had to cry it out. Hugs also help,  and your dad was here to provide. Everything’s fine now, Arc. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Arc nuzzles into Esper’s chest, squeezing him with all the power of his small five-year-old frame (which is not much). “I’ll hug you too, until you’re all better. Please don’t run away again.”

Esper chuckles, the sound hollow to his own ears. He chuckles, “Of course I won’t,” but his mind is running hundred miles an hour, as if to make up for the time he’d been out of it.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to stay here. Asker could come back at any time… Lusa doesn’t know what he’s capable of, how many shady connections he has. How he always gets what he wants, no matter what. It’s not fair to put Lusa and Arc in danger needlessly.

Esper grins, setting Arc down. “Now, how about that dinner? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving and the food is just sitting there getting cold.”

There’s already a plan in his mind as he plates the Chinese from its boxes. ‘Sorry, Arc,’ he thinks somberly, ‘but it looks like I’ll have to let you down this once.’

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

1 3 and 10 c:

Ahh, thank you for the ask! c:

1. What is your favorite DC movie and why? And least favorite?

Justice League vs. Teen Titans! Because I’m simply biased as hell.

To ALL of its elements! Azarath! In a MOVIE! Arella’s story got RECOGNIZEd– even ANIMATED! It gave Raven’s gem a BACKSTORY! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted out of a Teen Titans animation.

(Azarath being animated in a movie fulfilled my SOUL, you have NO fucking idea. It was AMAZING. And so well animated too? So pretty? So peaceful? So nice to look at? Holy god, I want ten thousand hours of documentaries on that place??? legitimate tears in my eyes when we saw it. honestly, it was just… it was so good.)

Not to mention, while the production value was Kinda Eh, the writing was really clever and the Moments (silly, fun, heartfelt, freaky, dramatic) were all really well done. It captured the “Heart” of those feelings, emotive and raw and honest. I actually enjoyed the fun moments. Myself. And wasn’t just “distantly admiring people being happy”. Do you know how much of an ACCOMPLISHMENT that is?

The music was really cool. Not to reveal my Immortal Inner Emo Kid. But “Down to Nothing” is a really good song. (One of my only problems with this movie is that it was shoddily edited in the scene, and it’s a shame, because it really is a good song… {lD it was kinda my anthem for a long, long time after this movie. “Help me: believe in something, cuz I am: broken, I’m down to nothing. And it’s just so hard to be this way, but it’s just as hard to change. So: help me, believe in sooomethiiing….”)

(Because it’s in this movie, I grin a bit whenever Ciaran randomly shuffles it up. But also because I just really like the song itself.)

Also really cool: Trigon was an abusive asshole. Ultra mega props for that element; not just making him a Bad Guy because he’s Powerful and Wants to Rule the World, but legitimately showing that he was a BAD “GUY” *and* a Bad Parent.

Also nice, Damian felt less shoehorned in than Certain Other Really Recent Robins were in the comics…. (The reason for that may have been glossed over and a touch cliche, but it worked for the movie. It did what it needed to, nothing more and nothing less.)

Good thing too, because Damian being A Kid was really nice to see. (Raven too, let’s be real. Those kids need more “fun” in their lives.) Bond the children! BOND THEM, GODDAMN IT. That’s what any good Teen Titans story really needs; friends who are a FAMILY. They love each other, even if it’s hard-earned and hard-kept.

Focused on the PEOPLE, and their WELL-BEING, just as much as (if not MORESO!) than “ohshit, Big Bad Guy to deal with here”.

(the rest is under a cut, because godDAMN. I got rambly once I started talking about Raven.)

And perhaps most important of all to me: Raven’s characterization was amazing. Truly a masterpiece. Any time you’ve got a comic character with 7 different tones and 3-4 Literal Deaths and like 28 different writers having handled her: It takes a LOT of work to pick and choose what you want to do with them. It takes a lot of WISDOM and even prowess to triangulate your Own Characterization between such dramatic differences. Raven has been cold and distant; warm and soft; sharp and bitter; lost and clueless; wise and knowledgeable; she’s a very LAYERED and COMPLEX character even in each individual VERSION.

And the movie portrayed so many of her key characteristics so wonderfully. It’s a very “complete” picture of my absolutely Iconic Favorite Character, it encompasses so much of my Favorite Parts of her throughout her entire history, and it was just such a delight to experience. I, in my unpopular opinion (at least among my contemporary Cartoon-First Generation of Teen Titans Fans), actually really liked her voice actress, too? So subtle. So snarky. So soft, even with its edge of attitude. It was such a good fit for such a good incarnation!

And then there’s the fact that they included Jaime (who does well on his own, but honestly always seemed like a natural fit to the team), Kori (a Key Titan, let’s be honest), and even Gar (because his playfulness is a key part of Whole-Team Characterization too honestly; it wouldn’t be the same without him). It was a good setup, even with the comics this continuity’s based on being totally cracked.

And Cyborg showed up. Despite working “in the big Leagues” now. Thanks for throwing us that bone, at least. lD

And Damian? They did a great job of giving him character developement. Much needed. Good shit. If he can’t be with Dick!Bats in this verse (and I deeply prefer Dick as Nightwing anyways), that’s a really good fit for him. Learning to be human. Getting comfortable with Some Normalcy. Good and relateable.

That movie was just. Ahhh. SO Good. X3 As a Teen Titans fan especially, but also just as a person who likes a good Team Becoming Family story.

I love it. It has its caveats, but none of them dampen my obnoxiously heartfelt love for this thing.

*

(…yikes .after THAT essay, the rest of my answers are going to feel so shallow.)

All that bias aside though, my other favorite DC movie is definitely Wonder Woman. Hands down. Undoubtedly, no contest, no holds bar. It was a phenomenally well-told story with a lot of wit and compelling characters that used absolutely MASTERFUL rising action, and felt GENUINE. It was told from the heart as well as the camera, and it was told beautifully. Smoothly. It felt godly and human all at once. I can’t explain it very well, but it was genuinely one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I never got very into Wonder Woman, but from what I know of the 80’s and the Really Recent comics: It also captured her backstory, her personality, and her Style of Heroism really well. But even without being very familiar with her as a character? It’s a gorgeously well-done movie.

( Note: I still haven’t seen Justice League yet, but from what I’ve heard, I’ll probably end up liking that one too.)

*

Least favorite? I don’t know, honestly.

(My least favorite superhero movie is that one Marvel one with Vision, because I literally fell asleep while watching it. That’s the first time in my entire life I’ve fallen asleep while watching ANYTHING.)

But for DC, even the silly obnoxiously-radioactive-colored Batman and Robin has its place in history.

Can I just say, maybe… “the Injustice: Gods Among Us cutscenes”?- raven’s voice really grates my nerves, and not even in a Fun Creepy Way.- Whose idea was it to have SUPERMAN go evil? Like? ?? Who thought that was in any way a reasonable idea. - the story in that game felt really cobbled together. The comics are a lot more interesting, fun, and though there’s a lot of, like, Random Occurrences that seem to happen Exclusively For The Drama, in the game there are a lot of ill-explained things and general Random Chaos. Not my kinda story.

*

3. Which DC character should be introduced in movies/shows? Or have a movie/show of their own?

I mean. My automatic response is “Raven”, but I only ever want to see that if it’s being done right. The way CW wanted to do it kinda ripped the heart of everything I know/love about her to shreds. (”Relateable normal teen girl sudden has powers”? What? What??? That’s literally NONE of Raven’s backstory, shoo. Begone. Good riddance.)

That aside, I’d honestly probably watch the HELL out of a Nightwing show. Or movie. Just LET DICK BE HIMSELF. Without being attached at the history AND HIP to Bruce!

Or Death? or Sandman? I don’t know how well they’d translate to TV; Nightwing would certainly be the safer bet. Neil Gaiman’s writing is half as great as it is because of the WRITING. The style. The narrations… But, I mean: Coraline was just wonderful~ So why not a Sandman movie, too? Given the right director, and the right special effects team…?

(Constantine would’ve been next on my list, for a better movie anyway. but he’s already getting some decent recognition. So whoop whoop. Good shit. Nice Decision, DC. I Approve.)

10. Which DC character portrayal do you think is better in the comics than in the movies?

Batman. By far.

I’m just sick of all this manpain and gritty, utterly-unyielding violence, and… politics? Where’s the humanity?

Aren’t these writers forgetting that he’s someone who has suffered, and is doing all this, not just to beat up bad guys and look cool, but to save others from what theyd do? To HELP PEOPLE, not to growl like a man-tiger and punch things?

You can be badass and still have a heart, you know. Comics!Bruce does. (Most of the time.) And that’s a big part of why I like reading Batman comics so much.

And on that note, the conspicuous lack of Robins in (most) movies is an insult to comic history. Batman’s family-seeking and protect-the-children tendancies make for a much more interesting franchise, honestly. Give us a colorful cast! (Literally!) Give us diversity! Give us more stories with more characters so it has more facets than just “some guy wants to kill people; can’t have that”!)

As a sidenote: what I’ve seen of Gotham, it’s doing a really good job of encapsulating his Heroic Tendencies as well as his “sense of Duty” to Gotham and its people, while keeping him human AND super cool. That’s an important balance.

[eatpotatobepotato]

Today was my last day of school! This is gonna be a bit of a rant. Yikes...

I passed tenth grade with all A’s!

For the first time in my life, I’ve gotten straight A’s!

I’ve never felt so academically accomplished in my entire life, holy shit.

Real talk for a sec? A very significant chunk of my self-esteem relies on me feeling decently intelligent.

I wouldn’t say that this boosts my confidence, while I am very proud of myself, I feel more like I’ve achieved a goal that I’d set for myself a long time ago after forgetting about it.

I feel like a doctor had told me that my child was going to die, but instead the child survived and prospered. I don’t know if that makes much sense.

The point is: It seemed hopeless. But things got better. Within a year, I went from a D and C student, to B’s and A’s.

It’s honestly solely because I finally spoke up about my mother’s abuse and neglect. I was put into a foster home for about three months. I was provided a safe and stable home environment. My grades improved steadily from there.

I wasn’t happy there, though. My foster mom made feel like everything I did was wrong and I needed to be fixed. She had an old school way of thinking, basically.

She was required by the county to buy me new clothes, because I didn’t have a lot. But she told me that she wasn’t going to get me anything if I was only going to pick t-shirts and jeans. Every single day she would try to pressure me to dress more feminine. I literally have been struggling with suicidal depression and crippling anxiety since I was nine. I can’t just put on a skirt and feel pretty. Sometimes I feel like dressing up, and even then it’s very rare. Even then, I don’t really like wearing dresses or skirts. Normally just skinny jeans, a cute form fitting shirt, put my hair up, maybe some jewelry and lip-balm(I don’t like lip-gloss it feels weird). 

So it’s important to leave me the fuck alone and let me wear what I’m comfortable with. I feel safer and happier in funny t-shirts, baggy jeans, and hoodies that are too big for me. I’m happy with my wardrobe in general, honestly. It’s me. I like it, and I like how I look. Sometimes I’ll doll myself up, but only when I feel like it.

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV because I only watched cartoons and cartoons are for boys. My foster mom was always trying to make me more feminine. She honestly felt like she had to fix me. She always seemed tired of dealing with me. I’ve never done anything to make her think so little of me. I get home, the first thing I do is feed her four animals. Then I do my homework. Then I do the dishes. With literally nothing else to do, I’d play on my phone and wait for her to get home, because I wasn’t allowed to watch TV. I bring home every graded paper I get, all of them decent grades. I bring my report cards, all of them decent. I do everything she asks me. Everything within reason, that didn’t involve hurting my mentality. I’d help with the laundry. I’d do the dishes. I’d clean around the house. I’d walk the dogs. I’d clean the litter boxes. I’d help out with the garden. I’d refill her bird feeder. I’d toss nuts into the yard for the squirrels. I’d feed the stray cats that show up in the garage. A lot of the time, I’d do do things without being asked, just to please her. Nothing was good enough, because she didn’t like how distant I was, or how I dressed, or the kinds of shows I watched. She wouldn’t even watch them. She’d see a cartoon and get upset. She doesn’t know the names of any of the shows I watch or what they’re about. She’s just so fucking judgmental. “That cartoon is for boys. Besides, you’re almost sixteen, you shouldn’t be watching cartoons anyway.” I was watching Gravity Falls at the time.

I did everything she asked of me and then some, without a single complaint, because I learned in my previous home that just doing what your told makes life easier. 

I wasn’t allowed to stay in my own room for more than ten minutes. She said I was anti-social. That’s not true. I have friends that I love like family. I hang out with them after school when I can. We go to McDonald’s, to the mall, to the movies, to the park, to each other’s houses, we even have sleep overs. But I wasn’t allowed to hang out with them because the state needs to know where I am at all times and my foster mom didn’t trust my friends because she doesn’t know them. I’ve tried to explain to her that I’m not anti-social, I’m just adjusting to the new environment and I need my alone time every once in a while. She said that she’d never had to deal with an introvert before. Never had to deal with an introvert. Gee, I couldn’t tell. She does this, knowing full well that I had came straight from an abusive and neglectful home. She knows that I have depression and anxiety, or that I at least have PTSD, because she’s the one that finally signed me up for some fucking counseling.

I just really do not understand her logic. I’ve never done anything wrong to her, and gave her no reason to not trust me or dislike me as much as she does. I’m a good kid. I like to help people. I’m polite and respectful to my elders and authority figures. I’m quiet at school, I never start drama, I don’t get in trouble. I’m sort of a teacher’s pet, if I’m being completely honest. But that’s because they’re people with jobs just trying to feed their families, and kids are assholes to their teachers. For some reason, everyone at school knows me, but I only know my small group of friends.

What hurt the most, was realizing that my foster mom treated her pets better than she treats me. She treated them with more respect. She lit up when she spoke to them, fed them, or pet them, even when they were being annoying. I got jealous of a fucking dog. One day, foster mom’s grandson visited. You know what she said to him? “Don’t get attached to the foster kid. We don’t know how long she’ll be here.” She spoke about me as if I was an animal. And I was sitting nearby. She knew I was there. She knew I could hear her.

But even with all her bullshit, I was still grateful to her for taking me in, because she didn’t have to. It showed while I was in school, too. I’ve had every single one of my teachers comment on how I’ve been so much more focused and happy lately, and how much I’ve been improving.

While, yes, I was a lot peppier, I wasn’t really happy. Going to that foster home had lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders, and then dumped Pluto on me. While not nearly as heavy as Earth, it was still pretty damn heavy.

I toughed it out, though, because I was trying to be grateful. Three months in and my dad got custody of me. While there were some problems with my mom and stepdad afterwards, I was eventually completely free from them and their burdens, along with the foster mom. I’m happy here. Truly happy and content.

I hadn’t gotten anything higher than a C or an occasional -B on my report cards since third grade.

Now I have straight A’s.

Sorry to rant like that, but I really needed to get this out of my system.