#then i have my exam on monday but im not thinking about that. im throwing rocks at it. at least its an easy one but ourgh

[possiblytracker]

just over 24 hours til i never have to think about my dissertation ever again

[444princesa]

how i'm studying for my upcoming semester

i start my semester around the end of january and im currently in nursing school. with that comes with so many challenges and alot of comprehension in a short time, at least for my program. so i study at least 2 weeks a head but i try to study a month ahead. i get a month and a half off for winter break and a two month off break in the summer. this is my routine in the winter.

i start my studying in january instead of december so i can give myself rest because i didnt want to over do it and go into the semester already burned out.

in december i do make a plan at least so i can have structure when the time comes. my professors give us a glimpse of the content for either the first week or first exam so i use that as my structure. how i plan is making a document and going by week then plan day to day. here is one of my old schedules:

i give myself at least an hour to complete the tasks unless i am having fun learning about it. i think an hour of my day monday-friday on break is enough to have atleast some background information on what i will be learning, while also not getting burned out. if im having fun learning about it and an hour has passed, i will continue my studying which honestly doesnt always happen.

if you dont have your text books for your classes to study yet, i advise look up your class or topics of your class on yt or online. i also advise to ask your friends or people around campus if they ever took that class so you can gain any knowledge and resources from them. i have friends that are a semester ahead of me so they always tell me about the professors, the workload and give me their notes.

when i study for my upcoming semester, i usually study for the first exam because most likely its within 2 weeks of starting and i only have lecture once a week... that is not alot of time to absorb and comprehend all the information they throw at us. i also start getting things prepared for the semester. if i review a topic and i have questions and need a bit more understanding, i will write it down so i can ask my professor when class starts.

doing this study plan before the semester gives me a jump start and eases me into the academic mood. nursing school is so fast paced that its easy to fall behind. studying before school really eases that fast paced a bit even if its only for the beginning, it gives me time to adjust and since i already studied, im not in total shock school starts.

[khodorkovskaya]

embarrassing storytime

21.06.23

i embarrassed myself big time and now i can't think straight because i want to disappear off the face of the earth like arghdhhghgh

so i had an exam on monday. it was differential geometry which is one of the easier subjects. the prof is very chill, he's not a very good teacher but he's a good guy, you know the type.

and i uhhh... had a panic attack 5 minutes after walking into the exam room. i was shaking uncontrollably, asked to get some air and ran to the bathroom to throw up. like i was literally shaking and crying and throwing up.

so anyway, after throwing up i went back into the exam room and tried to write the exam anyway, all while shaking and still feeling super nauseous. there were lots of calculations and i kept getting things wrong like id write that 2*3 is equal to 5 and stuff like that. so yeah, i wrote god knows what.

and important context, this exam is eliminatory! so if i didn't pass, i would be kicked out of the faculty. and i would have to write an opposition letter to ask them to not kick me out. and get a doctor's note and everything. that's why i was also super stressed. because failing thing exam would possibly mean 4 years of studying down the drain.

so i finish the exam, hand in the paper, cry a little and rush to the maths counselor's office. i break down crying in front of him, saying that it's all over. he consoles me by saying they'll definitely accept the opposition letter if im kicked out, everything will be okay, ive been a good student so far, it's not that bad, etc. and he says that i should see the science faculty counselor and tell him about my situation.

so i call my parents like shit shit shit, im getting kicked out of uni. they freak out obviously. cos that means im gonna have to restart everything and graduate when im in my 30s. and basically not get a job, be a failure, etc. etc. they don't sleep the whole night, they're super worried, my stepdad and my mum get into a fight over all of this. the family is falling apart.

the next day i go see the faculty counselor and he says that if i give a doctor's note saying i suffer from anxiety before getting the grade, i have a 50/50 chance of being allowed to retake the exam. but it has to be done before they announce the grades.

i don't have a gp, i don't know any doctors, especially those who'd be okay giving me a note that says that i suffer from anxiety. my stepdad suggests that i call the therapist i used to go to back in 2020 and say that it's an emergency and that i need to see her asap.

i call the therapist, she doesn't reply so i leave a voice message, sobbing like "this is life or death, please can we schedule a session, this is urgent". thinking about this voice message makes my skin crawl like ughhh it was so bad.

then im like shit shit shit, if i can't get a note from her today, what if they announce the grades tomorrow and im getting kicked out ahhhhhhhhhh

so i message the geometry professor and the two assistants like "guys, i was shaking and crying and throwing up during the exam. im trying to get a doctor's note from my therapist before the grades drop. when are you gonna announce the grades i need to know??? i vomited everywhere, just fyi". again, very embarrassing impulsively written email.

and 10 seconds later the assistant replies like "everyone passed the exam, no worries".

and im like what.

then about an hour later the professor replies and says "i looked at your copy, your work looks pretty solid, you'll get a 4.5 and we'll announce the grades tomorrow, is that okay with you?". and im likeeeee bro

4.5

passing grade is a 4. a 4.5 is like really good. like reeeally good.

so im like shit.

what was all of this for??? why was i so dramatic for no reason?????

i made my poor parents panic for nothing.

i feel so bad.

and the therapist replied yesterday evening like "we can do a session tomorrow at 9am exceptionally". and like for what. what am i gonna say to her now??? that i was being a drama queen????

like i literally want to disappear like i feel so embarrassed. all of this drama for an easy exam. brb im gonna self isolate for a year. like i wanna kms.

and what do i say to the therapist?? like oopsie, i was just kidding. adjhdjjhdjfh i hate that i have to face the consequences of my actions.

[miruac]

006

masterlist

confession. kənˈfeSH(ə)n. a formal statement.

warning(s): cringe fluff, cussing here and there, smooching(ew gross barf)

I.H CAMPUS, COFFEE SHOP; TUESDAY MORNING; 10:42 A.M

"hello? are we studying or no?"

yun poked cupid with her pen, not gaining a response. she followed his gaze, and found the twins looking at the two baristas at the counter. turning back to the twins, a small smile crept up onto her face. it was funny, seeing the usually blunt shin twins flushed red.

yun got up and walked towards the register, giving them both hugs. the girl seemed to have chatted with liam and violet, before walking to the twins.

"c'mon, not gonna make a move? i saw how both of your jaws dropped at them."

heather turned her head towards yun and stuck her toungue out playfully, before grabbing her phone and stumbling over chair legs towards the front counter. cupid, did the same and pulled heather back by her hoodie so he'd be the first to reach the register. the two ended up squabbling before making it to the counter.

"first of all, you're drop dead gorgeous. second, yes you can indeed get my number. heather shin, nice to meet you."

"that pickup line was cringe. do it again. i'm cupid, cupid shin."

staring at them from afar, yun sipped her caffeine and munched on a flakey palmier. a flowing warmth filled her body as she looked at the twins, visualiizing little hearts around the two pairs. isn't love so pure?

;;

I.H CAMPUS DORMITORY; MONDAY NIGHT; 7:48 P.M

it had been three weeks since the interaction at the cafe, and the twins have been smiling at their phones, giggling to themselves the past weeks. exams finally ended yesterday, and the four friends had a month off to themselves. heather and cupid went home to visit their parents, where as yun was packing to head home for a little while. casey, on the other hand...

"are you not going home?" yun questioned, staring up at the ceiling whilst laying on her bed. casey pulled down his headphones, cracking his neck.

"i am, i'm just waiting for a package to arrive first. the estimation was in 2-3 days, can't be bad spending a couple more days in this fine establishment!"

casey sarcastically dragged out the end of the sentence, throwing his head back and leaning back into the chair. yun rolled over, now on her stomach and looking at him. casey ruang, his hair messily tuffled from running those long fingers through his luscious dark locks. his hoodie slightly risen above his waist, showing that prominent v-line of his.

"why are you staring at me?"

"because you're ugly."

"aw, thanks!"

;;

I.H CAMPUS DORMITORY; TUESDAY DAWN; 1:11 A.M

yunmei: happy 1:11

sleepnt: why are you like this

sleepnt: go to sleep

yunmei: nah im good tyvm

yun smiled at her phone, before testing her audio input and output qualiity. the sounds of soft clicking filled her cozy dorm, soft music playing in the background. goodnight central has been airing weekly for the past month, and this was the last episode before yun went home for winter break.

cue in 3...2....1, action.

"happy 1:20 a.m everyone, and welcome to another episode of goodnight central. this will be the last one for a while before i head back to for new listeners, i'm q.y and this is goodnight central; a podcast devoted to helping struggling sleepers sleep. tonights episode is...drum roll please! this episode will be about, how your brain is evil. well your brain isn't actually evil, it's a vital organ but i'm talking about changes in mentality, and atmostphere. the brain is so complex, and some of it isn't even known. you ever get that feeling, where you just remember something so embarrasing from the past that you just think about it for the rest of the day?"

;;

qy: happy 1:11

casey: why are you like this

casey: go to sleep

qy: nah im good tyvm

ding!

goodnight central is live now, care to listen?

casey swiped on the podcast notification, turning the volume slightly higher. his roomate had moved out into a single dorm, so casey had the dorm all to himself.

"you ever get that feeling, where you just remember something so embarrassing from the past that you just think about it for the rest of the day?"

yun's soft melodic voice rang from the cellular device, casey relaxing into his bed. every time he listened to goodnight central, casey was able to fall asleep. something about hearing yun's voice relaxed his tense body, and lifted an invisible weight off his shoulders. if only she knew how at ease she made him feel.

;;

I.H CAMPUS DORMITORY, SATURDAY MORNING; 11:32 A.M

"i'm sorry, what? so there won't be any flights until next week?"

a heavy winter storm hit the area, right before yun was about to leave for her flight. currently, she was on the phone with the airline agency.

"my flights there AND back got cancelled, so can i at least get a refund?"

casey was walking towards her dorm, holding up a photo of a nearby cafe. he knocked twice on her door, waiting patiently. yun looked through the peephole, quickly uttering an aggresive "thank you" into her phone before hanging up. the door opened, and there stood casey. a slight rose tint across his cheeks, the corner of his mouth turned up in a small smile.

"did you eat yet?"

"what? no, not yet."

yun looked at what he was pointing at, then looked back at casey's face. she tilted her head in confusion, dumbfoundedly staring at him.

"what are you doing?"

she gestured towards casey's arms, looking at him confusedly. his smile drooped into a neutral expression.

"do you want to get lunch with me?

"who's paying?"

"come on, splitsies?"

"fine, i'll go."

casey's eyes sparkled, he leaned back to proper posture as he adjusted his jacket. his face had just the slightest tint of rose dusted across his cheeks as his eyes focused on the pretty girl in front of him.

"give me ten, i don't want you to wait long."

"i'll wait as long as it takes if it's you."

"what did you say?"

"nothing."

;;

JASMINE DRAGON; 1:05 P.M

"oh my god, you should have seen how red cupid and heather got. it was actually hilarious."

"actually? never thought cupid out of all people was able to blush."

"i know right? he has that...damnit what is it, he's like that quiet kid you see in your classes who literally doesn't say anything."

yun and casey sat in a booth at a cafe off campus, sharing a platter of pastries. everywhere they went, the two were always together. whether it was sneaking out of the dorm to go stargaze, or spending nights in libraries, they did everything together. you could consider them inseparable.

"these pastries are great, where did you find this place?" yun asked, taking another bite of a flakey buttery croissant.

"heather recommended it to me, she said it would suit us."

"suit?"

"no idea, she's weird."

yun shrugged, continuing to eat the pastry. casey couldn't help but gaze at the girl in front, his eyes softening and a smile slowly creeping onto his face. powdered sugar dusted the corner of yun's lips, as she seemed to not have noticed from how she was demolishing the pastries.

"why are you staring at me? am i eating too much?"

"what? no, eat as much as you want. you just have a little sugar on your face."

casey reached over the table, cupping yun's round cheek with his hand whilst his thumb brushed the sugar off her lips. his hand lingered on her face, and he could swear he felt her lean into his touch.

when casey pulled away, yun felt heat rise into her ears as she hid behind her long dark locks. she cleared her throat as she took a sip of a strawberry iced tea. an awkward silence fell between the two as they avoided each other's eye contact.

what was that. WHY DID I DO THAT.

what was that, WHY DID HE DO THAT.

"so...you ready to go?"

"yeah, yep!"

I.H CAMPUS DORMITORY; SATURDAY EVENING; 11:48 P.M

two weeks of the break quickly flew by, and it was new year's eve. heather and cupid were in the dormitorys courtyard playing with fireworks. casey and yun were unable to fly back home for the holidays, so their winter break consisted of sleeping over in each other's beds together, attempting to cook together, and just relishing in each other's presence.

it was new years eve, and there was just a little over ten minutes until midnight. casey and yun had settled on the roof of the dorm just outside casey's room. the stars that night shone brightly in the dark lit up the night sky, and so many constellations were visible.

yun and casey were huddled together under a thick blanket, wearing their clothes. it may have been a good night to stargaze, but it was also the middle of winter. the sounds of heather and cupid laughing could be heard while liam and violet performed a sparkler show.

"well, aren't they having fun down there." yun relayed, observing the four play with fire.

"hey, we're having our own type of fun. away from the extroverts." casey replied, snuggling into the blanket.

"look at the sky...it's so pretty." yun pulled up her hood, her head tilting upwards to gaze at the sky. casey turned his head to the right, looking at yun with his rose coloured vision.

"yeah, it is."

after a couple of minutes yun looked back down and let out a continous chain of sneezes. she sniffled before pulling the blanket higher up on herself.

"are you cold? come here. can i touch you?"

casey asked, opening his arms for yin to shelter in. the cold weather always got to the girl, even if she preferred it over the other types of weather. she mumbled a "yes please" before scooching towards casey and between his arms. casey wrapped arms around yun's waist and embracing her. he pulled her closer to him, and pressed her back against his chest. perching his head on hers, yun wrapped the blanket around the two.

"hey. can i be honest with you?" casey questioned, snuggling into the crook of yun's neck. the girl let out a hum, unzipping casey's jacket and pressing herself against the thin layers of cotton between the two to stay warm.

"yeah, of course. what's wrong, are you okay?"

"yeah yeah, i'm fine. it's just something on my mind i kinda have to get off my chest."

"okay, do you want to go inside and talk about it?"

"no, i want to stay out here. okay, so there's this girl right? i met her a couple of months ago in september when classes first started. at first she seemed like...an awkward mess. but it was cute in a way, you know?"

"mhm, continue." yun turned her head to look up at casey, watching him talk. how the moonlight shone on his face, the cool light illuminating his beautiful face.

"i got her number, and spent some time with her. i ended up spending more time with her, and now she's someone who i consider so close. but a couple weeks ago, i did something that may or may have not put us both in an awkward spot. i want to be with her and talk to her more, but everytime i see her...she's more gorgeous than the last time. it's like she gets prettier the more i see her."

"she sounds like a dream, casey."

"she is. she's the girl of my dreams. she's a bit of a klutz, really awkward and shy, quiet too. but when you get to know her she's the sweetest person you'll ever meet. when she looks at me, my heart starts pounding like it's going to explode. whenever she talks to me, it's like music to my ears. her laughs are just the most bubbly thing ever, and her existence makes me so happy that she can just sit there and i would be smiling so much."

"are you sure you're not in love with her?"

"see, that's what i'm worried about. a week into knowing her something really bad happened to her, and i didn't know how to be there for her. i'd only known her a week, and i didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she was that night. i don't want to force anything on her, nor do i want to push past her boundaries. it's only been four months since i've met her, and i don't know what she considers me. so i fear that if i suddenly make a move, she would feel uncomfortable and everything would become awkward between us."

"i'm sure if you properly tell her how you feel, things won't be that awkward. do you understand what i'm trying to say?"

at this point, yun had her fingers in casey's hair, playing with the strands while he had his arms around her waist.

"i'm hoping so, yeah. i'd do anything for this girl. she's just...everything about her is so alluring that it draws me in and i want to mean more to her. she isn't the most confident, and i'd do anything to make her realize how beautiful she is. inside and outside. and...it's taking me a lot self control to not hold her, and kiss her right now during this perfect time. i haven't felt this way about any other girl before. if she needs time, than i'll wait as long as she needs. do you know what she would want me to do?"

"well, casey. a girl like that, would just want to be in your arms and spend the rest of the night with you."

"can i kiss you?"

"i've been waiting for you to ask me that since we went to the cafe."

yun placed a hand on casey's face, cupping his cheek whilst he moved his hand on the small of her back, the other on the back of her head. casey slowly leaned in as he pulled her towards him, closing his eyes. when casey felt yun's soft, plump lips on his own he could taste the faint strawberry flavour of her chapstick.

yun returned the action, kissing back as their lips moved against each others. the sound of fireworks echoed in casey's head, as he held yun against him. it wasn't until they stopped that he realized it wasn't in his head. the two pulled back, smiling widely at each other. they heard a high pitched holler, coming from the lower view.

"happy new years, lovebirds!" heather hollered at the two, quickly giving violet a peck on the lips. cupid and liam were seen sitting on a bench, their faces against each other.

"damnit heather," casey grumbled as he hid his reddened face.

"do you wanna...maybe go back inside?" yun suggested, the shadow of the night hiding her flushed cheeks. casey smiled at her, kissing her once again.

"i'll do whatever you want to do, yun."

;;

"oh yeah remember that gift i was waiting for?"

"mm, yeah why?"

"give me a minute."

"wait what-noooo!"

casey and yunmei were laying together in casey's bed, recharging from the cold weather the two were in earlier. yun whined as casey got out of the bed, her source of warmth gone. a couple seconds later casey comes back into the room, holding two pastel blue sweaters. he put one where yun was laying, putting the other on.

"here, fresh from the dryer."

"did you buy matching sweaters?"

"yeah, is it too much?"

"no, i think it's cute. now come back to bed, i'm cold."

---------------------------------------------------------------

AAAAAAAAAA HELLO EVERYONE ITS YI AND IVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR SO LONG IK IM SO SORRY

highschool is going great im having fun with my courses and people!(save me) semester one is ending soon and i have a week long break, so im hoping ill be able to write more. THIS CHAPTER IS SO LONG HELP I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WRITING THIS WHEN I WAS WIRING THE KISS SCENE I WAS STRUGGLING IVE NEVER BEEN KISSED GOOD IN MY LIFE SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE STUFF LIKE THIS HELP ok im done i hope you all like this chapter mwah mwah <3

[nikoruistyping]

I can't help it. please something with this scene. im sorry but your last fic it's just-💖💘💕💓

it doesn’t have to be exact same thing, just maybe that reader is always studying the weekends and Peter shows in her window with the intention of distract her, like taking her to see the city from above or something. <33

Study Break || TASM Peter Parker

TASM!Boyfriend!Peter Parker x Fem!reader​

Requested by: @redchrrys​

Summary: While studying hard for your very important Chemistry test Peter decides to swing by and convince you to take a small study break with him...

TW: Fluff, Kissing, Mention of Motion Sickness/Wanting to Throw Up, Mention of being in a High Up Place/Heights

Word Count: 2,031

A/N: This scene is literally the cutest thing ever and thank you for requesting it! I had lots of fun writing this and it truly warmed my heart T_T so much that I ended up using another scene from TASM2 in the second half of this fic!

Your head was halfway deep into the very thick chemistry book you were holding in your hands and you sighed turning the page, your eyes trying to scan over the information and hoping it absorbed into your brain for Monday's test. Just as your finger was about to turn the page you heard a knocking at your window. Your head shot up at the sound and you turned to look towards the window seeing none other than Spiderman on your fire escape, aka Peter Parker and also your goofy boyfriend. You couldn't help but have the biggest smile on your face, you immediately popped up from the caved-in spot on your bed that had become a personal studying nest and you flicked the latch on the window open and slid it up. You watch Peter clumsy as always fumble his way to get through the window and he fell through rolling onto your bedroom floor a grunt of pain coming from him as he hit his head on the corner of your dresser. You just giggled in response at the sight in front of you because who in the world would think Spiderman of all people would in fact be so aloof at times.

"You know next time maybe you should come in through the lobby." You said chuckling through your teeth while Peter laughed along with you as he rubbed the spot on his head that he hit and slowly but surely got up from the floor.

"Very funny Y/N but you know window entries are more my style." He says with a small smirk and you just blush as his footsteps get closer to you.

"I can tell, a very smooth entry on the way in." You shot right back at him and your hand went to touch the spot on his head that got hit, your fingers rubbing the spot through his brown messy hair that you personally nicknamed "Mask Head".

"So...what are you up to? I texted you while swinging, I'm not even joking I almost got hit by a bus," He asked a small wince coming from his lips as his hand touched yours and slowly pulled away your hand by the wrist.

"Peter, I told you I was studying this weekend. You know, big exam on Monday for Chemistry and I can't fail. Also, you definitely shouldn't swing and text I already told you to be careful with that." You huffed crossing your arms because you had definitely warned him more than once that he shouldn’t be swinging and texting at the same time because clearly, he gets too distracted.

"Oh shit! I totally forgot about that...wait then does that mean I gotta study too then-" His eyebrows furrowed and concerned.

"Yes Peter, we are in the same class but I'm sure you're going to do fine. You're the smartest person I know." You leaned in closer and placed your hand gently on his cheek, your thumb stroking over his skin where there was a small cut that was almost all healed up and a bruise that was slowly fading away.

"Really? You mean that?" He asked in a somewhat serious voice his tone still soft and almost a bit surprised to know how highly you thought of him sometimes, he just didn't want to believe it because of how insecure he could get.

"Of course, I do, although right now you are causing me to be distracted and I need to get back to studying." You say spinning around on the heels of your feet and walking in the direction of your bed so that you could plop down once more and continue to read and hopefully memorize all the information.

"Hey! Not so fast now." He declared shooting a web from his shooter and it had tethered to the waistband of your sweatpants, he pulled the string in his direction spinning you quickly into his arms.

"Peter..." You sighed but slowly but surely you gave in, pressing closer to him as his arms squeezed around you tightly, hugging you close.

"How about a study break? Come on, I know you want to," He said pulling away from the hug and looking into your eyes, his forehead pressed up against yours.

"Pretty, pretty please?" He said with the smallest but cutest pout on his lips, his head shook back and forth, nose nuzzling close to yours as his lips were just inches away from yours. How in the world could you resist his pout and his big brown puppy dog eyes, you just couldn't!

"Fine...I'll take a break but just so you know that if I fail this Chem test, I'm blaming you." You said with a sigh but a smile soon was on your lips again and you leaned in quickly to peck him on the lips, his hands gently cradling your head and lightly squeezing the sides of your neck.

"I don't see how you could fail when we got enough chemistry between the two of us as it is." A little smirk on his face giving you a playful wink.

"You're so corny Peter." Your eyes rolled at how cute but corny his joke was but that was one of the things you liked about him.

"Oh you might want to bring a coat...get's pretty windy where we are going." You pulled away from his grasp just for a moment to go over to your closet and sift through your clothes finding a trench coat and putting it on.

"And where are we going for this study break exactly?" You question, an eyebrow raised.

"Well if I told you that would ruin the surprise wouldn't it?" He slipped his mask back on, pulling it down and climbing out the window, turning around with his handing reaching out to grab yours.

"Ok, I'm trusting you Pete." You couldn't wipe the big smile off your face and you looked around your room once more and taking a deep sigh knowing that you would probably need to spend an all nighter studying more but resisting your boyfriend was an impossible task.

You grabbed hold of his hand and climbed through the window following him onto the fire escape.

"You know the drill darling, hang on tight." He turned his head towards you and immediately you felt his one arm wrap around your waist tightly, your body flushed up against his.

"I know, I know just please this time give me a warning before you-AHHHHH!" You started to scream at the top of your lungs as you felt the force of your body being lifted off the fire escape and now you were swinging with Peter in mid air over the heights of the tall buildings.

"Jesus Y/N do you want me to go deaf?!" Peter commented trying to focus and shot his webs tethering onto the sides and edges of buildings as the two of you bobbed and weaved through buildings across the city.

"Well what did you expect me to do?! You didn't even count down or give me a warning first!" You screamed back at him and you closed your eyes tight trying not to look down or worse get motion sick, the last thing you wanted was to throw up all over your boyfriend, that isn't a cute look. Flying up thousands of feet into the air was something you don't think you would ever get used to even though it was a common method of transportation for Peter to use when you needed to be somewhere in a rush or on time.

"That still doesn't help the fact that I can barely hear right now in my left ear! Just calm down Y/N-" He shouted right back, shooting another web and swinging around the corner and finally you had reached your destination.

"Peter! Don’t you dare tell me to calm down! I think I'm gonna be sick-" You said feeling your stomach churn but when you felt your feet hit the ground once again you were able to take a deep breath and you sighed in relief.

Peter wasn't joking when he said it was windy. You still clinged to him, your hands squeezing his shoulders keeping him close while you peeked through your eyes. Your eyes opened even wider when you saw the view from so high up. You were on top of the Brooklyn Bridge and the view of the city was breath taking (literally). The sun just about to set and the buildings reflecting an orange pink hue over the Hudson river. Lights all over the city started to slowly flick on until the whole city was lit up like a lightbulb.

"Oh. My. God. This is beautiful Peter..." Your voice trailed off in between breathes while you hugged him closer, your head resting on his shoulder, looking out into the horizon and how beautiful Manhattan really looked from this high up in the air.

"It's one of my favorite spots in the city, well besides the Empire State building," His voice soft and sweet, you could feel his fingers raking themselves through your hair.

"I love it so much, it was definitely worth the motion sickness. Thank you...thank you for bringing me here,” You said with a chuckle and you pulled away from him just a little bit so that you could peel away his mask, his hair messy and you held the mask tightly in your hand while your arms were wrapped around his neck.

"Peter...I love you so much." You whispered to him, you hands rested at the nape of his neck, your eyes meeting his while he pressed his forehead against yours. You nose brushing against his, hands gripping your waist to steady you.

"I love you too Y/N, you are always going to be my one and only path." He declared and it almost brought a tear to your eye. His lips were just inches away from yours and you leaned in on instinct, fireworks flying when you both kissed.

Your lips moved hungrily against his, your head turning slightly to the side to deepen the kiss. His hands drawing you closer as humanly possible while your hands crept up into his hair and tugging at it when his tongue swiped across your bottom lip. Before you could get too carried away you pulled off of him and peppered kisses all over his face, his cheeks, his nose and his jaw. You could feel him scrunch his nose and chuckle at how your kisses tickled. In that moment of perfection…you heard your stomach growl and grumble, you felt embarrassed clenching your teeth.

"Look's like my Spidey sense is telling me someone is hungry." Peter said with a laugh as you just buried your head in his chest, clutching the material of his suit in your hands.

"Guilty as charged. I was hoping that Spiderman would have some suggestions on where we can go grab a bite." You mumbled biting your lip trying to think of what exactly you were in the mood to eat.

"How about Joe's Pizza? I can even get us rooftop delivery. The guys there adore Spiderman so usually its free pizza." His voice excited over something so simple as pizza, you just smiled at the thought.

"It's a date then." You smiled up at him, feeling all giddy inside.

"I thought this was a study break-" He said raising an eyebrow and trying to hold in his laugh.

"Peter! Let's hurry up I'm starving, I don't have the stomach of a superhero you know." You helped put on his mask once more, temporarily shutting him up as you pushed and pulled it back onto his head.

"Have I ever told you that you're so bossy sometimes?" He said with a playful scoff and scooping you up tightly and quick before shooting a web and swinging off the edge without warning once again.

You screamed at the top of your lungs once more being surprised that the ground beneath your feet was once again swept from right under you and what was below was the busy streets of New York. As cars beeped and swiped by you both you cuddled closer into Peter's side closing your eyes and trying to go with the motions and hopefully soon you would be enjoying some well deserved pizza on the rooftop of some random building and taking a well deserved break from studying.

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[follows-the-life-ahead]

Cold Souls - Cruella x fem!reader

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven

Summary- Y/n is a friend of Artie's who often helps him and his crew of tailors. Now that Artie has required her help for the fashion show of one of the top icons of the moment, Cruella, she has to learn how to coexist with her and try and understand why her friend is helping such a rude person. Will Cruella and y/n be able to put their problems aside and work together? 

A/n - Here’s chapter five, and once again I apologize for such a short chapter, this week has been insane! I have my last exam on Friday and im still not sure if I will be able to post another chapter till next Monday, I’m still going to try though, sooo stay tuned :) And thank u all for your support <3

Pairing - Cruella x female!reader

Word count - 1.08k

Warnings - none

"I didn't know that the baroness killed your mother."

Cruella let go abruptly of your shoulders and turned around, walking away, hands running through her hair. The wig she was holding beforehand was laying on the ground, since the moment she grabbed your shoulders.

You stayed frozen in place waiting for her to say something, anything, to react in any way. You were sure the situation would escalate rather quickly in a fraction of minutes, so you were trying to prepare yourself for what might happen next.

"Who told you this?" This was the first thing Cruella said. She was still with her back turned to you, and you couldn't see the look that was on her face, but her voice was the only thing you needed, to know that she was furious.

"That's not important." You said. It wasn't, what really mattered was that you wanted to apologize for the way you treated her.

"Not important? Not important?" Cruella asked ironically, forcing out a laugh, and turned towards you. You were finally able to see her face and to confirm what you already knew, she was in fact enraged. Even if she didn't meet your eye.

"Yes, it's not." You responded. "That's not the point."

"It was Jasper, wasn't it?" She asked furiously, one eyebrow arched, and hands-on her hips, as she stared down towards the wooded floor.

"Don't go blaming this on him! It's not his fault." You responded quickly, finally moving from the spot you were standing, you were starting to get a little pissed off too, but tried to remind yourself that it wasn't Cruellas fault that she was reacting like this, she was just taken by surprise.

"Why would he tell you this?" Cruella said in a low voice, she looked towards a spot on the wall beside your head. That was something you noticed too, since the moment you told her that you knew what the baroness had done, Cruella hasn't been able to look you in the eye, and you were afraid that you actually just blew the opportunity you had for both of you to become I don't know, "friends?" away.

"It just came up, believe me, it was not his fault, we were just talki—" you were trying your best to explain but Cruella interrupted you, once again it looked like you had said something wrong and stricken a nerve because she was mad yet again.

"It just came up?" She said mockingly, pacing around the floor, throwing her hands in the air as she said, "You started talking about me on your date, and the topic of the baroness killing my mother just came up?" She asked rhetorically, crossing her arms over her chest.

You huffed and said, "First of all, it wasn't a date, Jasper and I are just friends, not that that has anything to do with the matter at hand." Cruella just rolled her eyes at you, and you continued, "Second, we weren't talking about you, we were talking about work and you just happened to come up, that's all, so really don't blame Jasper, he thought that I knew already, which I didn't." You had tried your best to explain to her what actually had transpired.

Cruella continued to stare ahead at the wall behind you. She didn't say anything to you, she just stood there, thinking, and you were almost losing it, the silence was deafening and it made you, oh, so nervous. She probably knew how the silence of her part made you feel, and she just wanted to punish you, and make you suffer a little.

"Look, I just wanted to apologize for the way I've been treating you, and tell you that if I had known..." You weren't sure how to finish that sentence, you knew that Cruella was probably trying to look all tough and act indifferent about it like she didn't really care that you now knew, but she was really suffering inside, she doesn't like it when people see her soft side, that you were sure.

"Like I've told you before darling, I don't need anyone's pity." She said, venom dripping from every single word on that sentence. But you were too tired to care. Tough Cruella is someone you had learned how to put up with, so she didn't intimidate you anymore.

"And I don't care if you think I'm pitying you, which I'm not for the record." You answered, annoyed, not caring about what she insinuated anymore.

"Why do you care so much about this anyway?" She asked you while running her hands through her white and black hair once again, she was getting tired as well, you noticed.

"Because I know what it's like to lose a parent." You told her sadly, and that's when she finally caught your eyes. She looked surprised, probably as much as you had looked when you found out that her mother was murdered by the baroness.

None of you broke eye contact even if you were with a great amount of distance between yourselves. This time there was no bitterness or rudeness. You felt some kind of wave of comfort in this little interaction, that perhaps it didn't mean anything but still felt nice.

Cruella was the first to break eye contact, clearing her throat, and then she started to move. She walked past you, brushing your right shoulder as she did, towards the elevator and you took that as an end of the conversation. Your head fell down then, and you were left looking at the floor, that was not how you intended for that conversation to go, you thought that maybe things would get better, even in the least. You decided that it was your time to leave, so you looked up once again and as you were taking your first step towards the exit of the warehouse, you heard Cruella call you.

You turned around, thinking that perhaps you were hearing things, but you were not, she was leaning against the elevator wall, one leg propped up against it, and with her arms crossed in front of her. Your eyes met once again and Cruella just said, smiling, her smirky grin was back, and there was no word that could be able to describe the wave of relief and happiness that you felt in that moment,

"coming, darling?"

Changing your rote, you walked towards the elevator and got in. Of all the sceneries you had come up with on your mind, this one you couldn't have imagined it.

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[vogue1994]

The bully I fell in love with - Choi Yeonjun

TW: mention of self harm? Bullying, physical harassment, yelling, curse words, Yeonjun degrades Y/n a lot... Yeonjun is an all around ass, fluffy ending, lots of angst!

Choi Yeonjun, you'd expect him to be the bad boy, or the fuck boy, or anything other than the schools smartest kid.

He's got the looks, the brains, and the charms. He can basically get anyone to do anything for him. And at one point, he had me in the palm of his hand. It only lasted a month until he did turn into a fuckboy... let's just say after things broke off with Yeonjun he also kind of bullied me for a year straight after that... with all of his friends.. it's been a year since that though, so, I guess it doesn't matter.

'Please I'm desperate, I really really want to graduate I know it didn't look like that last year but I'll do anything to bring my grades up! Seriously anything!' I begged my counselor. I was desperate to pass my final year of highschool, I wanted to because I realized the benefits of an education, plus college seems like fun.

'Alright Y/n, why don't we start off with finding you a tutor, the school can provide you with one or you can find one on your own, either way it'll cost some money, but with the school it should be significantly cheaper.'

'School! I'll look for one with the school, please give me your best tutor... please.'

My counselor smiled at me, I really don't know why but she did, I smiled back.

'Okay well the good thing is I already notified him and he's on his way right now!'

My smile dropped.

Him?

Fuck. Fuck! Fuck!!! Was all I could think while HE walked through the God damn door.

'You asked to see me?' He asked the counselor. He looked straight at her, then at me... I immediately looked away.

'Yes! Yeonjun sit down please.' She gestured to the seat next to me. God I hate this.

'What's going on?' He asked concerned.

'Well Y/n here needs a tutor. In fact she needs our BEST tutor in order to help her pass this year... she's desperate to do so.' She whispered that last part out. I made a face in reaction to her not so subtle diss towards me.

'And you are one of our best, if there's anyone who can help her out of this mess it's you.'

'Is that so?' Yeonjun asked with a smirk, looking straight at me while I tried my best to look away.

------------

I sat down in the library waiting for Yeonjun to show up. Fuck this is the actual worst thing ever. Like EVER. Seriously?! Why did I have to be tutored by someone who humiliated me daily a year ago... someone set me up... Or the universe just hates me.

'Hey.' He said softly, sitting down next to me with a few textbooks. I didn't say anything back I just looked at the textbooks.

Okay look I was never a bad student, I'd actually do pretty decent if I wasn't so behind right now, and the only reason I was behind was cause of the torment and trauma I was put through by Yeonjun.

I was still getting over all of it, I was still trying to get back on my feet. It's kind of hard whenever your told how ugly, stupid, and useless you are daily for such a long time. You end up believing it for a while. Needless to say, Choi Yeonjun really fucked me up...

'Hello?! Earth to Y/n? Did you do the homework?' He asked me as I snapped out of my thoughts.

'What? What homework?'

'You were assigned homework today in physics... don't tell me you didn't do it.'

I rolled my eyes at him.

'It's been an hour since school ended can you relax?' I shot back. Clearly irritated with him.

'Whatever just take it out so I can help your dumbass with it.'

I scoffed at his comment and took it out. I decided to bite my tongue and not say anything back, in fear things will just get worse if I do.

------------

It was the third week of tutoring with Yeonjun. It was normal, my grades were better and he hadn't done anything out of the ordinary happened, but he definitely degraded me every single time I got a question wrong.

Today I had an exam and I needed Yeonjuns help right before, like I really needed it.. I ran to the commons, I knew he was there with all of his friends and I asked him for help.

'Who are you?' Yeonjun asked with a smirk. The boys behind him started laughing as well.

'Seriously Yeonjun... don't do this right now I actually need help..' I quietly said.

'I don't know who you are,,, why would I help you? Fucking weirdo.'

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

'Great so im just gonna fail todays exam cause you won't help me. So much for being the schools best tutor you're just an asshole.' I shot back, walking away and before I knew it he grabbed my wrist forcing me to look at him.

'Don't you dare speak to me like that again, understood?' He whispered angrily through gritted teeth, his grip on me becoming much stronger, and much worse.

'Yeonjun let go you're hurting me!' I whispered trying to get out of his grip.

'Apologize.' He said. I stared at him for a moment, the tension between us getting stronger.

'No.'

He pulled me forward, making sure we were now chest to chest.

'You're going to fucking regret saying that.' He whispered, his grip got tighter, now I'm sure there was going to be a horrible red mark left on my hand.

'Now apologize.'

I couldn't take the pain he was inflicting upon me.

'Fine! I'm sorry.' I whispered out as a tear fell.

He finally let go and I pushed him away from me, running as quick as I could. A few tears rolled down my face as I checked on my wrist.

Yup. Just as I assumed. Bruised.

Once I got my test results back I felt sick. Of course, I failed.

Yeonjun made me show him the result and all he did was sigh and say 'Y/n... you are such a disappointment, do you seriously need me every time you take a stupid fucking test? Are you so dumb that you can't do it on your own?'

'Can you stop?' I asked him.

'No! Get it through your head! I don't want to always be here!'

'And I don't want you to always be here either! You've made my life a living hell for God knows how long and I don't even know why! I get that I'm an easy target but can you please just cut me a break?! I'm in this mess because of you!'

'How are your bad grades my fault?' He asked crossing his arms in front of his chest furrowing his eyebrows.

'Hello did you just fucking forget the bullying you put me through a year ago? You didn't stop until senior year started Yeonjun! It affected my studies like crazy for fucks sake I became so depressed I almost-' I stopped my self from saying too much. He didn't need to know all of the details.

'What Y/n? You almost what?' He mocked, trying to get it out of me.

'Nothing just... leave it alone, and please just be my tutor, help me when I need help with my studies, please.' I begged him, trying to shift the conversation.

He sighed and nodded his head giving me a small 'whatever.'

------------

It had been 2 months since Yeonjun started tutoring me and nothing bad happened since that last incident. He didn't bring up any of the stuff he did to me last year, and kind of kept his cool while tutoring me, he does kind of degrade me but there's not much I can do about it, besides I don't really give a shit since he's actually somewhat helpful.

As I sat in my chair and talked to my beloved boyfriend Theo, of six months I noticed something. He was being so dry..

Theo:

Yeah.

Me:

What's wrong?

Theo:

Nothing.

Me:

Why are you being so dry? Did I do something?

Theo:

Nah.

Me:

That's not very convincing...

Theo:

K.

Theo:

Okay... text me when you're feeling better I guess.

READ 6:44 PM

I sighed and put my phone down. What the hell is going on with him?

Yeonjun:

We have a studying session @ 7. Do not be late.

Me:

I'm already there

READ 6:45 PM

I rolled my eyes and went onto Instagram, and I noticed Theo posted something.

My eyes widened as I saw him laughing and smiling with another girl... he was holding her hand, kissing her cheek, making her laugh... all as if he wasn't my boyfriend two seconds ago? It was just posted on top of that. I felt my stomach fucking turn, my eyes became glossy, I noticed he posted another story and that's when my heart shattered.

He posted a video of her 'accidentally' kissing him and he just.. went for it. I wanted to throw up. My throat became dry, tears were dripping out of my eyes at this point... what the hell. Why is some sick cruel and twisted joke being played on me right now? This is exactly how I felt when I was being bullied by Yeonjun.

I couldn't help the little whimpers and cried that escaped my lips. My world of six months was cheated on me and my chest started to physically hurt.

'Y/n?' I heard someone say from behind me. I quickly wiped all of my tears away and turned around.

'When did you get here?' Yeonjun asked me.

'Um, a few minutes ago.'

'Ok good, take out your test review for algebra, i need to check it, your test is on Monday.'

I nodded my head and took it out. I handed it to Yeonjun and stared into space as he started to check it.

He made a bunch of faces here and there and that just added onto the shitty way I was feeling.

'Y/n what the hell? I taught you all of this shit a day ago! Why couldn't you get these simple fucking questions right? Are you that damn stupid? Seriously why is it not fucking clicking?' He started to degrade me once again. This was too humiliating. My eyes became glossy as I just sat there and took it, even though I couldn't.

'Are you gonna fucking answer me or just sit there and cry like a damn baby?'

I didn't say anything, I just let the tears fall.

'Y/n fucking answer me! Are you seriously so fucking stupid you cant even talk now?'

'STOP!' I screamed out loud, standing up slamming my fist on the table, making heads turn.

'Just fucking STOP Yeonjun! I cant fucking take this shit right now! Seriously what did I even DO TO YOU that's making you treat me this HORRIBLY?'

'You existed.' He said back with zero emotion. I looked at him with pure pain and suffering in my eyes.

This. This was my breaking point. I snatched the review out of his hand and picked my bag up, taking my things and exiting out of the library. As soon as I reached the steps I thanked God no one was out here. I just broke down, crying my eyes out, sobbing horribly loud.

Why is this my life? My bully is my fucking tutor, I was practically failing senior year, my boyfriend is cheating on me and flaunting about it on social media.. I mean can it get ANY WORSE?

I guess I spoke to soon because it just had to start fucking pouring, and my dad wouldn't be able to pick me up for another hour.

The universe really does hate me.

I continued to cry on the steps, eyes closed shut as my chest was still infused with pain and heartbreak.

Maybe I am too dumb. Maybe I deserve to be cheated on. Maybe I deserve to be bullied... maybe I just don't deserve happiness.

With in a moment I felt the rain stop, and I looked up, someone had put an umbrella over my head. I quickly turned around to see Yeonjun.

'What are you doing?' I asked him softly.

'I'm sorry.' I heard, or at least I think I heard it. The next thing I knew I was in his car, and he was taking me home.

Before I could exit he grabbed my arm.

'Y/n... really I'm sorry.'

'It's fine.' I whispered and left.

------------

The next day I walked the halls of school with zero emotion upon my face. I was walking to my next lunch period until a bunch of screaming voices caught my ear.

'WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT TO Y/N?! HUH YOU FUCKING PUSSY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HER!!' I heard coming from one of the hallways. Quickly I ran toward the noise. A group of people surrounded Yeonjun and my now- ex boyfriend.

'Why the hell do you suddenly care about Y/n huh? Weren't you the one who BULLIED her for a year straight!' Theo yelled as Yeonjun held him up by his collar against the locker. Yeonjun looked at him with growing anger and pain in his eyes. He genuinely looked like he was about to kill Theo. With in a moment they both noticed I was standing right there.

'Y-Y/n.' Theo stuttered.

'Hey baby.' He said getting out of Yeonjuns grip and tried walking up to me.

I quickly pushed him back.

'Don't touch me.' I quietly said.

'Baby... come on..' he said and cupped my face but his touch felt disgusting to me.

'Don't touch me Theo!' I cried and pushed his touch off of me.

'Y/n..' he softly coo'd as I tried to walk off, he grabbed my hand.

'Theo let go!' His grip became tighter. I could feel all eyes on us.

'Y/n.' He said sternly. As if I was some little girl who needed to listen to him.

'Theo I'm serious let go!' Tears started to fall as his grip tightened and I let out a cry.

'S-stop you're hurting me!'

Before I knew it Theo was thrown onto the ground and Yeonjun was on top of him, throwing punches to Theo's face left and right.

'She. Said. Don't. Fucking. Touch. Her!!' He screamed in between punches. With another second Yeonjuns friends pulled him off Theo so that way he wouldn't end up killing him. I became a crying mess as it was all so overwhelming.

My vision was blurred from my tears but I could feel someone come up to me and wrap their arms around me, pulling me into their embrace. I wrapped my own arms around them as I cried into their chest.

'You're ok now I promise.' I heard Yeonjuns voice whisper and he left a small kiss on my forehead.

------------

It had been a good hour since the incident and I was now home, with Yeonjun who had a cut up hand...

We were in my bathroom, trying to treat his wounds from all of the punches he attacked Theo with.

I gently used an alcohol wipe to clean his wounds. I could feel his hand tense but he didn't make a single noise. I gently blew on it to try and see if that would get rid of the burning sensation I'm sure he was experiencing in this moment.

'I'm sorry.' I whispered softly, trying to break the silent tension.

'What do you have to be sorry for?' Yeonjun quietly asked.

'Well- it burns right?'

'That's not your fault, Beautiful .'

My eyes widened at the Nick name. Beautiful? That's what he's calling me now? He started smirking because of the way I was staring at him.

'If you like the view so much you should take a picture it'll last longer.' He teased with a smile.

I stopped staring as my cheeks started to heat up.

I went back to working on his hands and I applied the wound cream as well as the bandages, just for the gashes that looked like they needed them...

'Are you okay?' I asked him not looking away from his hands.

'I'm fine, even better since you patched me up.'

I was caught so off guard... where was this sudden kindness coming from?

'Yeonjun why are you being so nice?' I asked quietly.

'I.. I just realized I put you through a lot of stuff that you didn't deserve, I don't know why I did that stuff to you on top of that, I guess it was cause I have had a crush on you for so long and I didn't know how to show my affection towards you other than by... hurting you.'

I was taken back.

Where did the sudden confession come from?

'What? You have a crush on me?' I asked him as he stared down at his hands.

I looked at Yeonjun face. He looked ashamed, humiliated. A look i thought I'd never see on him of all people.

'Yes.. Y/n I've always had a crush on you. Ever since freshman year when I would see you confidentially walk those halls, and then sophomore year I didn't know how to act after you tried to become my friend, that instead of doing that I just ended up becoming your bully and I- it was so evil of me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't know how to control my feelings. Please forgive me Y/n, please. I'll never hurt you again. Ever.'

'Yeonjun I-'

'Please.' He choked out, he was starting to cry. I pulled him into a hug as he cried against my shoulder and wrapped his wounded hands around back. I let mine softly stroke his dark head of hair.

'I forgive you.' I whispered.

I could feel him pull me closer and tighter in response as he cried against my shoulder. His soft whimpers soon became the only sound in the room as I tried to comfort him.

'Thank you.' He whispered back.

[drawlfoy]

Detention, Retention, and Draco Being a Lying Shit (halloweek day 1!)

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pairing: draco x reader

request: nope!

summary: y/n’s two month detention sentence goes from being the bane of her existence to harry potter’s last hope to bringing down malfoy.

a/n: hiiiiiii everyone so i’m starting new classes today and idk how much time im gonna have to write consistently until i’m home for break but i just want to thank all of you! this week is my tribute to everyone who takes time out of their day to continue reading my content. i have so much appreciation for you.

warnings: cursing, mentions of violence, mentions of drugging someone (in jest)

taglist: @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast

word count: 1.1k

no music recs for today i b tired fdjskfdsja

For legal purposes, the york pudding she lobbed at Pansy Parkinson’s head on Monday evening was simply meant to be a joke. She didn’t know that her aim was bad enough that it was going to get in Snape’s hair instead--honestly, it wasn’t even supposed to get past the Ravenclaw table, much less veer to the left to make a beeline for the professors--but no matter how much she tried to explain this to McGonagall, her sentence remained the same: detention every Friday. For two months.

Her life was ending for sure.

“I honestly don’t know what you were expecting,” Hermione told her as she gently wiped off the nib of her quill later that night in the common room. “Even if you had hit your mark, that’s still technically assault.”

“Did you even hear what she said to me? She told me that I looked like the type of kid that bit people in primary school,” complained Y/N. “I didn’t even think she knew what primary school was!”

Hermione snorted. “How long ago?”

“Two days. I’ve been waiting until there was something throwable on the dinner table.”

“How very analytic of you.”

“I’m going to hit you.”

“And you wonder why you’ve got detention.” Hermione tsk-ed at her, her face stone serious but her tone light hearted. “Maybe take this as an opportunity to, I don’t know, do your homework for once? So you won’t have to have a breakdown over the next Potion’s essay and beg me to write it for you?”

“I’m going to go to sleep and think terribly mean thoughts about you.”

“Have fun.”

~ 

Detention.

Something that Y/N wasn’t completely unfamiliar with--she’d done her time organizing Snape’s cabinets, just like every other Gryffindor--but it was different when it came to McGonagall. An impressive old lady, she thought that McGonagall saw something in her. She was always the first to chuckle at Y/N’s jokes and hesitated to reprimand her stupid behavior. And she never gave Y/N detention.

Until now, she supposed. 6th year was changing a lot of things--even their Potions professor--so McGonagall turning a new stone shouldn’t have been anything shocking.

At least, not as shocking as the first thing Y/N saw as she walked into her house head’s office.

“Malfoy?” she spat.

The platinum blonde didn’t even bother to look up from his desk.

“Miss Y/L/N,” Professor McGonagall chided. “I think we would all prefer if you restrained yourself from getting into any more physical altercations with Slytherins.”

She huffed, plopping down in the chair furthest away from THAT foul git and reaching for her satchel.

“I’ll be back in two hours,” said the elderly professor. “If I hear anything, and I mean anything, other than the sound of studying, consider your sentence doubled.”

With a swish of her robes, McGonagall was gone, leaving her with Malfoy. 

“So what’d you do to get in here, huh? Did the administration finally get a hold of that video of you licking Voldemort’s toes?”

“What the fuck does that mean?!” he snapped, whipping around to glare at her.

“‘s just a joke,” said Y/N. “Like--how everyone says your family houses him and everything--but whatever. I can tell it’s a sore spot.”

His gaze, never withering in intensity, remained trained on her face. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Apparently so. What’re you in for?”

He exhaled sharply. “If I tell you, will you shut up and let me think?”

“No promises, but maybe.”

“Late work. I forgot to turn in the Transfiguration exam last week.”

She made a tutting sound as she lazily shuffled through the crumpled parchment in her satchel. “I expected more from you. Aren’t you gonna ask me how I wound up here?”

“No. I am going to ask you to stop talking now, though.”

~

“That’s terribly unfortunate,” Hermione said over breakfast the next morning. Ron and Harry were nervously chit chatting at the other side of the table over the Saturday Quidditch game against Slytherin--supposedly it was supposed to be quite a high stakes match. Not like Y/N cared much, though.

“Yeah! And the worst part was that he won’t even tease anymore. Like, he just sits there all broody and woe is me. We’re ALL on the brink of war...he’s not special!”

“Who are you talking about?” asked Harry.

“Oh, just Malfoy,” said Y/N. “We have detention together with McGonagall. He’s such a nasty little greaseball, don’t you think? I mean, look at him right now, glowering over his cereal.”

“Wait! That’s it!”

“What’s it, Harry?” Hermione asked.

“It’s genius, really,” he said. “Y/N has to spend time with him alone every week, and we know that something is up with him. Malfoy is absolutely a Death Eater and has connections to You-Know-Who, but I just need to find a way to prove it.”

“I vaguely forecast where this is going, and I hate it already.”

“Listen, Y/N. It’s not for that long, and it’s for the health of the wizarding world. If you just get to know him--”

“Ick!”

“If you just get to know him, maybe get him to trust you and find out his secrets...we’d finally have enough to turn him in and throw him out of Hogwarts for good.”

“Is that really necessary, Harry?” Ginny butted in from her seat further down next to Dean. “Malfoy’s probably just exhausted like the rest of you. 6th year is difficult, and we have no solid evidence that he’s a Death Eater. I’m sure being stuck in a room with him for 2 hours is hard enough without pretending to be nice to him.”

“But what if Harry’s right?” said Y/N. “What if he is actually a Death Eater? What if he’s an active danger to the student body?”

“Exactly!” The joy written across Harry’s face at the prospect of someone else finally agreeing was infectious. “So will you?”

“Er…” She dragged her spoon across the top layer of her porridge. “In theory, sure. In actuality, I’m not sure how I could do it. Malfoy doesn’t want anything to do with me, either.”

“Love potion?” offered Ron.

“I don’t care how much of a prat he is, I’m not roofying him.”

“I rarely agree with you, Y/N, but I think you’re right. If you want to do this, you need to get him to trust you for real.”

“Your back-handed compliment skills never disappoint, Hermione. Do you think you could help me out with a plan?”

A slow smile spread across the girl’s face as she nodded. “That’s my strong suit.”

[tooruluv]

Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 9 )

❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞

description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.

genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough

word count: 1,442

warnings/notes: i was able to be online for a bit so i wanted to release this (rather short) filler chapter for you guys! <3

tag list: @afuckingunicornn​​​​​​ @maii-flowers​​​​​​ @clandestinerays​​​​​​ @brownandchill​​​​​​ @readeretal​​​​​​ @wedojustbevibin​​​​​​ @shigarakiskitten​​​​​​ @shittykawaa​​​​​​ @saeranoppa​​​​​ @srirachibi​​​​​ @tpwkatsumu​​​​ @sempiternal-amour​​​​ @bokutos-h0e​​​​ @pinknugget​​​​ @intheawks​​​​ @tori218​ @seikamuzu​ @alexthe80swhore​

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You skipped school for a week. It was a full week of heartache; most of which included the following: watching new shows (and finishing them), being brought food by your very understanding mother, crying, taking very long baths, wallowing in self-pity (which is something you tried not to do, but ended up doing anyway), crying until you were dehydrated, and ignoring texts and calls.

A new week was starting when your mom walked into your room, interrupting your daily “stare at the ceiling in sadness”. She sat on the end of your bed by your feet when she said, “It’s time for you to return to life.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Sweetheart, I get it.” She placed a hand on your ankle, trying to pull your attention to her. You kept your eyes on the ceiling. “Trust me, I do. But you can’t continue to isolate yourself from life. You have a beautiful, bright future in front of you. Exams are coming up, and your friends miss you.”

You sighed. “I guess I’ll go.”

“Good! Quite frankly, I’m tired of lying to your friends. Did you know that Iwaizumi resorted to texting me every day?” Your mom stood up, sending you a smile when you followed suit. “Clean your room. I’ll drive you to school tomorrow.”

You agreed, staring at the empty water bottles next to your bed.

Out of the hundreds of texts and missed calls, you decided to text Iwaizumi back first. He was the one who you’ve known the longest (other than the other boy you shall not name) and had helped you through your Love Problems.

you: hey. i’m ok. pls tell me that you’ll be at school tomorrow

iwa <3: fuck dude

iwa <3: you scared the shit out of me i deadass texted your fucking mom

iwa <3: i will be at school tomorrow the question is will you

you: yeah i’m coming. didn’t wanna be alone

iwa <3: you’ll never be alone darling

Despite everything telling you not to, you got up that Monday morning for school. You cleaned your room, you showered, you got a good night’s rest. You even ate breakfast. Yet, you still felt like… well, shit.

Your mother drove you to school, sending you a small smile and wave of encouragement like it was your first day of kindergarten and you were scared to go in. Truth was, you wanted to throw up all over the front doors and go straight back into your bedroom and watch another Gordon Ramsay compilation on youtube.

You sighed and went into Hell (hell being school). You tried to act as normal as possible but it was evident that everyone in the entire school hadn’t moved on from the whole thing, eyes staring at you and inaudible whispers.

“Great.” You mumbled to yourself, whipping your locker open.

It was at that moment that Tooru Oikawa made his appearance. He was walking next to Hanamaki, talking among themselves, when Oikawa stopped dead in his tracks. Hanamaki gave him a small pat on his back before leaving (and effectively leaving the awkward situation that would inevitably happen).

He opened his locker beside you.

“Hi!” He greeted, as though it was the most normal and casual thing ever. “You’re feeling better? Your mom said that…”

You didn’t acknowledge him, closing your locker and walking to class. Maybe you’ll find Iwaizumi before class…

“Whoa. Wait!” Oikawa was walking beside you then, easily catching up to you. “Did you get any of my texts?”

You spun on your heels, finally facing him after a week of being MIA and trying to forget your love for him. He swallowed and stared back at you.

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” You shrugged. “I told you that I needed time. And by that, I mean I need time away from you specifically. I’m not going to entertain the idea of pretending that nothing happened between us because it did.”

Oikawa blinked, nodding. “Okay, okay. Yes.” He purposefully took a step back, literally giving you space. “But can I ask one thing? Just one?”

“Go ahead.”

“For how long?” He asked. “How long do you think it’ll take for you to talk to me again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when the school stops staring at me like a wounded puppy.”

“I’ve missed you!” Sana brought you into a hug, her boobs straight into your face. “I seriously thought that you dropped off of the face of the earth.”

You let a small smile creep onto your lips. The first smile in a while. “Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize. What even happened?”

“That’s a story for later.”

She linked her arm with yours before walking with you to the library. Iwaizumi and Matsukawa sat at the usual table, heads in books like their life depended on it. It wasn’t until you were nearly next to them that they realized you were there. You hadn’t been able to see Iwaizumi all day.

“Oh my god, she’s really here.” Matsukawa exclaimed, a bit too loud for a library. 

Iwaizumi got up from his seat (also very loudly, a squeak from the chair on the floor). He immediately pulled you into a hug, picking you up and putting his head into your shoulder.

“Shittykawa told me what happened.” He mumbled into your neck. You bit the inside of your lip and wrapped your arms around his waist. “I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, but I do want you to know that I know.”

“You always know.” You mumbled back.

Hajime Iwaizumi was walking with Issei Matsukawa when he caught Oikawa leaving your house. He knew immediately that something had happened, that something wasn’t quite right, because Oikawa had his head down. He never had his head down.

Iwaizumi turned to his boyfriend, telling him “I’ll be right back.” Matsukawa gave him a kiss on the wrist before letting him run off.

“Hey man,” Iwaizumi jogged to his best friend. Oikawa stopped, head still at his feet. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi stood in front of him, cutting him off. “Don’t bullshit me. What’s going on? What happened?”

When Oikawa didn’t answer, Iwaizumi put his arms on his shoulders to bring his head up. Oikawa was red-faced, tears running down his cheeks. He was in pain.

“I, um.” Oikawa looked back and forth, never really meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes. “I told her that I’m in love with her. We kissed and I told her that I love her.”

“Oh?” That’s a good thing… right?

“She shut the door in my face. She said that she “thought that she was in love with me too”. And just shut the door.”

“Oh.”

“What if we got married?” Oikawa once asked you, a giggling child in the morning sun.

You both laid in your backyard, the grass long and bugs flew along your heads. You didn’t care. You giggled back to him.

“That’s gross! You have cooties!”

“Not if we’re married I don’t!” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at you.

“We’re too young to get married! We have to at least be old… like 20 years old!”

“Ew!”

You laid like that, giggling and laughing as kids, until your mom called you in for lunch. Oikawa ran to the door (“last one there is a rotten egg!”).

tetsurou kuroo :P: i heard that you’ve finally left the darkness and stepped back into regular life

tetsurou kuroo :P: hajime texted me sorry if that sounded like i’m stalking you.

tetsurou kuroo :P: unless you’re into that... then i’m totally stalking you...

tetsurou kuroo :P: PLS IM KIDDING anyway can i come over today. i have another hoodie for you.

you: you’re cute. i miss you too.

You walked home alone that night. After a while of isolation, human interaction actually seemed like a chore. You just wanted to be alone, even if it was just for a few minutes as you walk.

You heard walking behind you.

“You can walk next to me.” You said, knowing exactly who it was. “I know you don’t have practice on Mondays.”

Tooru Oikawa appeared next to you in only a few seconds, jumping at the offer. The roles were reversed now.

“I don’t want to overstep boundaries.” He said.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, again. For kissing you.”

“I know.”

He stared at you instead of the sidewalk ahead. You kept your eyes on the sky.

“I’m sorry for telling you that I love you, too.”

“Don’t be sorry about that.” You stepped onto your porch where Kuroo stood, waiting for you. “That was the one thing you did right.”

[kewltie]

i have a pharm exam on monday but after that my schedule should ease up for the next couple week HAHAHA a consequence of my own failure. W/E W/E it’s fine. lesson learned. anyway, i should be diving back to writing by then. going to finish up social media au ch 3 like my aim is somewhere by the end of october SO CROSS YOUR FINGER. after that i’ll be picking a project to do for november as a daily no pressure twitter drabble (aiming for ONE twt a day). i have been thinking of doing ot3 fics bc i’ve been whining about it the longest. over the years i have collected a horde of ot3 tododekubaku fic ideas so i have quite a selection to choose from but im def leaning toward the kingdom Iimperal palace a/b/o au the most:

where slave omega!izuku is captured by general!katsuki of a rapidly growing empire. he became the favored slave of the general but once he is brought by to the empire, the emperor is so taken by izuku that he taken from katsuki and is made concubine, quickly securing the emperor’s affection while still favored heavily by the general. this made him the center of conflict for two of the most powerful figures of the empire--the head of state, the emperor todoroki and the face of the military, general bakugou or,,,, is that how the rumors go but in reality shouto and katsuki are in a forbidden alpha/alpha relationship and they had devised a plan to use izuku as a shield to distract ppl from the true nature of their feelings. 

so izuku was basically used as a tool, a shield, FOR THEM... he’d traded a collar and chain for another false cage. though ppl would say this new cage is plush with pleasure and luxury and comfort but izuku knows his only values is how useful he is to todobaku and though they treat him kindly they dont see him as equal to them and would throw him to wolves easily to save each other. izuku been a slave so long, not just under chains but to other ppl’s whims that he’s so tired of it all. TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT lol.. so he fights back. or how izuku brought an entire empire to its knees not with fists or swords by conquering the hearts of these two men with kindness, wits, and pure fucking spiteful will bc he won’t be chained to anyone’s wills no more. 

honestly, this verse been a personal fav of mine FOR SO FUCKING LONG but i never felt right about tackling it yet. BUT MAYBE IT’S FINALLY TIME AT LAST. i have a scene in mind already so i know what to aim for so yea??? YEA??? :P

[gh0stiegirlie]

synopsis: all it took was one glance at the hotheaded boy at the U.A. exam, and you were smitten. for deku, it was a single act of kindness that instigated his immediate attraction to uraraka. several months into school, best friends Skylar and deku are left heartbroken when. uraraka and bakugou start a relationship. when you and deku find yourselves confiding in each other, a question arises; is this love, or loneliness? are you two better just as friends?

a/n: lmao hey im not dead whats gud

word count: 2.8k

<- pt. 2                                                          pt.4 (expect monday, sept 7th) ->

Moments later, the sound Bakugous boots stomping across the linoleum floor echos throughout the hall. He remains quiet as he follows you, not risking the punishment of disturbing other hero classes by spewing his typical demeaning insults or using his quirk  But a glance behind your shoulder reveals how threatening he is, even in silence. His grin is sadistic, and there’s fierce passion in his eyes.

The passion to rip your fucking guts out, that is.

Bakugou's animalistic instincts kick in the longer the chase persists, his mind dismissing everything but you, his prey.

A few twists and turns later, you Bakugous fingers grasp the back of your shirt collar. You gasp as he violently pulls you back into his chest, only letting go once he's thrown you on the ground. He looms over you with a crazed look on his face, his smile crooked and his eyes ablaze. He looks batshit crazy, yet you think it’s insanely attractive.

“You’re going to pay for that, you cowardly bastard,” he growls, his vermillion eyes pouring liquid rage into yours.

Perfect.

You hold his gaze and activate your quirk.

Suddenly, wordless cries reverberate throughout the chasms of his mind. Wails and shrieks pound against his head, desperate to escape. He cowers into a fetal position with his hands covering his ears, a fruitless attempt to keep the howls out. All Bakugou can see before the world goes dark is the glow of your e/c eyes. 

You push yourself off the floor as Bakugou begins to rub his eyes, a feeble attempt to regain sight. Your attack will keep him at bay for a while, giving you the perfect opportunity to escape to the training grounds. 

At the time you arrive on the grounds, Bakugou wearily rises to his feet. The world spins around him while three words spin around his mind.

What the fuck?!

Granted, Bakugou knew you were powerful.

Well, the better word is he was aware you were powerful.

He considered you were a slimy wannabe hero when he caught you knocking out other contestants to steal their wins during the entrance exam, but decided you were just another extra when you practically failed Aizawa’s physical tests on the first day. His feelings only changed when you almost fought in him at the sports festival. He heard your battle was intense, but half ‘n half managed to blow you off the court before you could incapacitate him. Even though you lost that third round, you made it pretty damn far.

But, he didn’t know you were capable of disabling him with a single glance. 

You’ve impressed him. 

But the cost of impressing and temporarily impairing Bakugou is your strength.  Using your special move always takes a physical toll on you. Bakugous throbbing brain keeps him grounded in reality, while your piercing pain keeps you awake enough to make it to the training grounds.

When Bakugou arrives you’ve collected your bearings, your headache subdued by a few Advils.

“Took you long enough,” you jeer, crossing your arms and standing your ground.

Bakugou is heaving, his vermillion eyes communicating what his mouth can’t.

And they say he’s going to fry you like dead meat.

A low, guttural noise builds up in Bakugous chest. It builds and rises in his body like hot air, until finally he releases it with a battle cry, “I’m going to kill you!” 

He charges at you with explosions from both hands, baring his teeth like a rabid dog. 

The rapid firing of his explosions leave you no time to think of a strategy, so you focus on dodging while getting in close. From this length, you can momentarily harvest some of his thoughts. But honestly, it seems like he’s blind with rage and firing recklessly. 

You should know Bakugou better than that.

He’s aware that after the stunt you pulled earlier, your quirk works best at a short distance. The fact you need direct eye contact to activate your quirk effectively is a clear sign proximity is a limitation of yours. He also knows that powerful move must have exhausted you. Not only will his long-range blasts and constant movement make it nearly impossible for you to make eye contact with him, but your attempts to dodge them and get closer will wear you out even more. Then, depending on if you make an attack from this long-distance and how strong that attack is, he’ll know more about the restrictions of your quirk. He grins to himself, thinking how he’s too amazing for his own good.

You also take a moment to smile to yourself. Little does he know you have the ability to briefly manifest the thoughts of others, and heard his entire plan. You have to admit, that clever strategy would’ve totally defeated you. 

Too bad it’s completely useless.

If he plans to keep you at a distance until you're worn out, that means you have to get in close as soon as possible. Meaning you have to rush in and run the risk of being hit with one of his blasts. 

You know Bakugou isn’t dumb. You notice he never fires from the same position or with the same type of explosion. He’s always moving, constantly searching for your blind spot, and changing how he attacks. One second he’s on your left, using both hands to shoot you with one ginormous fire-ball. The next, he’s behind you and sending a million tiny blasts your way. Finding a way to slip past his advanced combat skills is nearly impossible. 

Nearly.

You’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse for a few minutes now. You’re falling into a rhythm; he shoots, you dodge, and he shoots again. He’s falling into a pattern; shoot, move, shoot again, move again. Knowing where he’ll land next is a matter of understanding the when and where of his reactions. When you dodge an attack, when does he decide to change up his behavior, and where does he go to deliver the next blast?

Bakugou is convinced that your sluggish reaction times are proof of his oncoming victory. While, yes, the heaviness of physical exhaustion is starting to weigh you down, the real reason is focusing on formulating a plan. And for someone with a mental quirk like you, thinking is the most dangerous thing you can do.

When it appears that your body is about to give up, Bakugou runs and aims an explosion in the exact place you expected. You manage to meet his eyes and send hundreds of whispered messages into his brain. He falters on his shot, dazed and confused. You surprise him by sprinting straight to his strategically plotted spot, and therefore, face-planting into his chest. The sudden force of his chest mixed with your momentum sends you both flying back. 

You planned to land on top of Bakugou, which would not only pin him to the ground and secure your victory, but also gave you an excuse to straddle his hips in the way you’ve spent so many math classes dreaming about. But instead, you both end up rolling across the ground. You land on your stomach, and after taking a few moments to recover, you catch Bakugou sprawled out on his back. 

This is my chance.

You clumsily push yourself off the ground and stumble over to Bakugou. You practically fall on top of him, and the sudden weight ontop of his sore core forces a groan to escape his lips. He weakly tries to push you off him, but his failed attempts leave him flailing his arms and legs to try and squirm out from under you. He’s acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"How does it feel to lose, Bakugou?" you smirk. “It’s embarrassing enough that you always lose to Deku, and now you’re losing to his girlfriend too! It’s so pathetic I almost feel bad for you!”

A moment ago, every limb in Bakugous body was screaming at him to sleep. Now, his it burns alive with rage. He uses the rage surging through his veins to generate one last explosion that shoots you into the sky. After a few seconds of soaring upwards, Bakugou launches himself in your direction with the last explosions his tired body can summon. He wraps his arms around your back and pulls you into his chest, one of his hands holding your head in the nape of his neck for extra protection. The two of you spiral in the air like a torpedo.

The sky expels you into the ground like a bullet, and the concrete cracking beneath you.

When you open your eyes, Bakugou is swaying above you. His eyes are half-lided, and blood drips from his nose onto your face.

“Lets… Call it even…” you mumble as he collapses beside you. 

You both spend a few minutes slipping in and out of consciousness, desperately searching at the barriers of your mind for an escape through. Eventually, Bakugou gains enough strength to slip his way through a crack. He picks you up bridle style and carries you to the outskirts of U.A. High. Unable to go any further, he slides against one of the buildings walls into a sitting position, resting your head on the side of his thigh once he’s comfortable. 

Only now does he see how beautiful you are. 

Your resting face is so peaceful, his racing heart calms the longer he stares. Your skin glistens underneath the sun, every bead of sweat rolling down your cheeks looking like a shooting star gliding across the beautiful night sky. Your e/c hair wreathes around Bakugou’s legs like a corkscrew, and he delicately untangles your soft locks. Sometimes your nose twitches as he pulls at your hair, but only when he brushes a stray flyaway out of your face do your eyes finally flutter open.

Your body is bruised and bloodied, and the worst of your injuries are the concrete chunks penetrating deep cuts in your back. Although Bakugou finds every girl looks beautiful after a fight. And you, even with your injuries, are no exception.

It’s not because he’s some kinky pervert, but he sees these injuries as markings of a true hero. A true hero is someone who endures pain but always keeps fighting. He thought since you were dating that nerd you were a pussy, but you’ve proven to him you’re a total badass.

Bakugou’s eyes are inches away from yours. You immediately notice his glare isn’t as… Spiteful, as usual. It’s serene. And it’s making you blush.

“How long have you been staring at me like that for, perv?” You yawn with a stretch. Your forearms rub against Bakugous thighs as you pop your elbows. His face turns a shade of pink, not the angry intense red he’s is accustomed to.

“Hey! I saved your life, idiot. You should be thanking me!” Bakugou fumes, the color of his face slowly deepening to his typical red.

“Yeah, and you’re also the person who tried to fucking explode me! So it cancels out, you asshole!” You yell as you dart up, only to fall back down. You struggle once more to your feet only to collapse in a heap. “Fuck, I can’t---” you mumble, the world around you fading to black. You scream for your mouth to move and demand your legs to stand, but your body refuses to cooperate. Eventually, you succumb to the darkness.

Bakugou’s battered body is only capable of shuffling with you in his arms to Recovery Girls’ office before he passes out too.

You wake up hours later to the feeling of a cold, wet kiss on your back. You “eugh!” in disgust as you flinch away from Recovery Girl’s lips.

“Ah, glad to see you’re finally awake,” she chirps before turning to treat Bakugou. “You two had quite the battle! Hurt eachother pretty bad for a couple of first years.” She fiercely spins around to wag her wrinkly finger in your face. “Mr. Aizawa will be sure to hear about this!”

“No!” you exclaim, before clearing your throat to lower your voice. “Please don’t tell him Recovery Girl!” you plead more rationally, “Bakugou and I were just having a... tactical battle to find out more about eachothers quirks for an assignment, that’s all! I think we just both got a little carried away…” You rub your injured arm awkwardly. 

“Get off me, you old hag!” A now conscious Bakugou commands Recovery Girl. She backs away to her desk to take some notes, but not before calling him an “ungrateful and rude young man”. Bakugou turns to face you, and scans his handiwork (aka, your injuries). “You really got your ass handed to you, huh?” he congratulates himself. You roll your eyes.

“Don’t forget, Recovery Girl is smoochin’ you too. Meaning I did some serious damage.” you point out, fighting a smile. You want to keep your face as smug as Bakugou’s.

“Whatever, loser. We’ll call it a tie,” he smirks at you. “Until I get the chance to beat the shit out of you.”

“Trust me. Next time we fight, there won’t be a tie. Only me standing victorious over your dumb corpse.” you challenge with crossed arms. You can’t help but notice the excitement in Bakugous eyes, and how a genuine grin paves its way across his face. Though when there’s a knock at the door, his smile falls so fast you question if you imagined it.

“Oh! Looks you two have some visitors,” Recovery Girl announces, wobbling towards the door.

Neither you nor Bakugou are in the mood to deal with your significant others. You shake your head and cry, “Please don’t let them in!” But Izuku Texas smashes the door wide open and runs to you, Uraraka following close behind. 

“Y/n! Are you okay?!” he cups your cheeks, and you nod. He ignores your affirmation and scans your entire body for any sign of harm. “O-oh, you have scratches everywhere!” He gingerly pokes a healing cut on your knee, causing a hiss of pain to escape you. 

“Bakugou, where are you hurt?” Uraraka runs her hands down Bakugous biceps, feeling for any bumps or bruises.

“Get off of me,” he growls under his breath, not wanting to draw your attention to them. “I said, get your hands off of me!” Bakugou raises his voice when Uraraka doesn’t listen to him.

“You,” Izuku glowers at Bakugou, “You did this to her,” 

“Izuku, leave him alone,” you plea. He ignores you.

“You hurt her again.” Izuku mumbles, Bakugou quirking his head at the word “again”.

“Zuzu, Bakugou didn’t do shit.” you grab Izukus shoulder to spin him towards you, but he uses his quirk to brush you off. But Izuku ‘brushing you off’ with his quirk means with a single finger flick, he propels you into the wall at the other side of the room. 

“Oh dear,” Recovery Girl gasps through a hand over her mouth

“What the hell?!” Bakugou barks, darting over to you. Uraraka catches his arm and holds him back. 

You struggle to rise. Your legs shake under your weight, but you force them to support you. You glare at the ground, absolutely mortified. Even though you’re disgusted with Midorya, you manage to look him in his eyes.

“We’re done,” you mumble. At this point your whole body trembles, but you can’t tell if it’s from rage or exhaustion.

“Wuh-what?” Izuku’s puppy dog eyes pout in disbelief. He takes a step towards you but you step away. 

“Sorry, was I not loud enough? Allow me to be more clear,” 

You shut your eyes. When you open them, they’re neon e/c.

You’re using your second, and final special move to announce to the whole school Izuku can go to hell.

Your sonic blast. 

“Izuku Midoriya, you and I are done!” You scream into the minds of the hundreds of students attending U.A. You specifically aim your eyes at Izuku, so he receives the worst of it.

Izuku falls to his knees, his green eyes welling up with tears. You might’ve burst his eardrums with that emission. Good.

With that, you run out of Recovery Girls' office and straight to the gym.

All the emotions you've kept bottled up for this entire year suddenly spill out of you. With every punch, your forbidden feelings for Bakugou wiggle back into your heart. Your pent-up rage for Izuku turns into a feeling you've repressed ever since you started dating.

Regret.

You regret twisting your frustration with Bakugou's and Urarakas relationship into feelings for your best friend. 

You slam your fists against the bag, more hot tears streaming down your face with every punch.

You regret ever kissing him that night.

You wish you would've stayed just friends.

omg i have taglist now🥺: @soa1eater

[chicagopd2020]

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone Ch.5

Waking up the next morning was one of the easiest things she ever done, which was weird because she hated monday mornings so much. But getting up and going through her morning routine just to make sure everything is right before she heads out for her first day as member of the Chicago PD Intellgence Unit. Kim had a little extra pep in her step and she was happy about it because it hadnt been there in a long time. She grabbed her jacket & keys ready to walk out the door. She stops for coffee to make sure that doesnt hit a wall in the middle of the day.

Kim walks into the station and she sees Sargent Platt, she decides that the best thing to do is to talk to her and to see what she is suppose to do. She stands there silently as Sargent Platt finishes the conversation with the officers in blue. When Trudy looks up and notices Kim she tells the officers to move along. She welcomes her back and asks if she is ready for her first day.

Kim replies happily that she was more than ready to prove herself to everyone. She kept small conversation with Trudy until Trudy looks behind her and notices one of the members of the Intelligence Unit.

Upton?

Yes Sargent?

You know Agent Kim Burgess?

Yes I know Kim

Well would mind buzzing her upstairs with you just until we can get her into the system.

Of course, follow me Kim and show you where you are going to start spending most of your time

Oh I cant wait.

I promise you that will change, I love my job but you have no time for a personal life.

I guess that it is a good thing that I am a woman focusing on her career right now and not a romantic relationship.

They carry on with their conversation with their small climb of the stairs, Hailey walks her to Voights office and wishes her good luck even though she knows she will see her in just a couple mins.

Kim welcome to your first day as a memeber of intellgence, just want to go over a few things while we wait on the last couple people to show up. He starts going over the rules and not that there was many rules but he lives strongly by the few rules that he has.

Kim has noticed that Hank Voight is not your normal Sargent but she wasnt wanting normal she was just wanting to serve justice for the city of Chicago. She continues to listen intently to what Voight is saying taking everything he was saying to the heart so she knows what not to do to get on his bad side. I am going to give you a few weeks to study everything, I have set up your test in two weeks for you detective exam. The moment finally comes to where he asks if she had any questions

I will make sure that I study up on everything that I need to know so that I can pass the test of my first try. I say things like that so I can keep it in my mind that I will pass the test and that I can do anything I put my mind to.

I know that everyone is partnered up with someone, I was just curious who my partner was going to be? I know that no matter who I am with that I will have a great partner. This team just seems like they have each others back no matter if they are actually partners or not.

That we do Kim we are family here, Whatever one member of the intellgence is going through everyone feels the pain, I know that it is weird to say buts it true. We have our fights like any of family but at the end of the day we will have each others back no matter what.

That is exactly what I want because at the FBI yes it was everyone worked as a team but at the end of the day everyone was only watching out for theirselves and if they had the chance to do it they would throw someone under the bus in a heartbeat. That was until Erin came I knew that she would have my back no matter what and she was the only thing that I was going to the miss about it and that was it.

Good to hear Kim, he looks out the window and notices that the whole team is here. Come on lets go out to the bullpin and I will let everyone know all at once who you are going to partnered with.

The door opens and everyones eyes looks toward the door and sees Kim and Hank exiting, Hank finally speaks up, So as everyone of you know Agent Burgess as of today is officially a member of Intellgence and I think she is going to be an amazing addition to the team and I want you all to make her feel at welcome. So as of today Burgess you are going to partnered up with Halstead, Upton you will be with Ruzek and Atwater you will be Olinksy.

Hailey showed Kim where her desk would be, which was actually her old desk. Hank liked the partners to be close to each other that shows they can work as a team not only on the street but in the close quarters of an office.

The first couple hours was kind of quiet just everyone going over cases they had been working on. When Voight walks out of the office and catches all of their attenion.

We have a case, We are looking at a small drug smuggling team that is somewhat new to the city, and one of the leaders of the team is trying to look normal or something because he has a nine to five job and he doesnt live in these high priced homes to make it not look so obvious but the others, they are staying hid very well because there has been no trace of any clues as to who any of his partners are. This is Lorenzo Lopez he is best known as Enzo.

Kim finally looks away from the file in her hands and takes a look at the picture hanging on the board, and her eyes go huge. She looks over a Jay and they share this look knowing that this was the neighbor that Jay thought was very sketchy. Voight must have caught onto that look, cause he questioned them.

What is that look the two of you just shared?

Well it turns out that he lives in our building and right next door to Kim. He just moved into the apartment a few weeks ago and he seemed kind of sketchy but I never really thought anything of it.

Kim was just lost in her thoughts that she didnt really hear the conversation that was going on. Until Jay tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She slightly jumped that never happens, she just thought that she left him in the past and now she was going to be apart of the team to send him to prison and honestly she cant say that she was upset about it. It was one of the main reasons that she left him she knew that the business that he was in wasnt legal and there was no way in hell that she was going to let him mess up her career.

Kim are you alright?

Yeah, Im just thinking about someway, anyway that we can take him down.

Jay wasnt buying it but it was her first day he wasnt going to push the boundaries just yet. So he just let it go for now.

Halstead you and Burgess go talk to your CI'S and see if they know anything about this. Everyone just keep digging into his past and see what you can dig up.

Kim heard the last sentence and knew that she had to tell someone about her connection to the suspect before someone actually figured it out and wonder why she didnt tell them, so who is best to tell then her partner.

They get into Jay's truck and head out and she knew that if she didnt talk about it now that she never would. She lets out this deep breathe

Jay I need to tell you something.

You can tell me anything. Im here for you

Its about the suspect that we are looking into, you know last night when I said something under my breathe about our sketchy neighbor

Yeah, what about it?

Well, what I didnt tell you is that I know Enzo very very well

How well?

As in we were together for over a year

What?!?!

Yeah, when we first met he was normal like any other guy but then the longer that we were together its like I just didnt get the same vibe from him that I used to. When we would spend time together I would feel uneasy that something could go wrong at any minute. So after that night I just told him that I think that it was best if we seen other people and that I didnt see a future with him. Lets just say that he didnt take it the best and i had to end up moving somewhere else but a few weeks before I found out that I got the job here I felt as if I was being followed and yet somehow we end being neighbors. I didnt want to think nothing much about it when I first set eyes on him but it just seems like he found out from someone that I was moving here and just thought that maybe if he lived here first that I wouldnt think nothing about it.

Kim you definetly have to tell Voight about this

I know I just didnt think that I would ever see him again

Even though you never thought you would see him again doesnt change anything he is our main suspect and you could be the reason he is in Chicago and that may actually lead us to him, I would never actually make you do anything that would put you in danger I hope you know this

I do know this, but whatever helps put him behind bars quicker I am willing to help

Jay talked to a couple of his CI'S and they were not much help, So they started back toward the station when Halstead got a message with an address to meet the rest of the team. As they arrived they seen the team surrounding something on the ground and as they made it to their side they seen that it was a woman who couldnt have been not much older than 25 and she was laying there with a cut throat.

Do we think that this has anything to do with Enzo and his men? Kim questioned

We wont know anything until we get the autopsy back. Says Voight

Sarge is there anyway that I can have a word with you

Yeah, sure

They walked far enough away that nobody would be able to hear what they were talking about. She told him everything that she told Jay and hoped that whatever she told him would help.

Kim I know that wasnt easy to say but I am glad that you told me before we had to find it out on our own and then it would have looked bad on your end and looked like you were hiding something.

Thats what I thought and Jay told me that I should tell you right away and I feel so much better now that I did.

They join back up with the team and all head back to the station. Once they make it back to the station  everyone gathers around the board and Voight feels the team in on everything you told him and they tried to figure out what was the best way they could get his guards down long enough for someone to get into his place to bug his apartment or even his phone.

Kim was the first person to speak up.

I think we know the only person that he is going to even let into his apartment is me

Kim you dont have to do this...Voight and Jay say at the same time

Your right I dont but I know that this is my job and that it is the right thing to do. You could always be close enough to that if I feel threathened that you will be right there.

If you are sure that you want to do this then we will do it

Its the furthest from what I want to do but its what I know needs to be done.

Alright everyone we will put everything in motion tonight. So get ready

Kim cant believe she is the one that thought of this but I think in the end its the only thing that would have made sense, Its the only way they will be able to bust him 

[alanncs]

hi my angels ! my name’s dani , i’m from toronto ontario aka best city in the worldt , & i’m 20  !  i’m the kelsey m on the main  &  i can’t tell u how excited i am to have wealthy up n running again !  i literally can’t wait to plot with all you beautiful peoples , so pls like this  &  i’ll slide in the dms , otherwise u can also hit me up on discord 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958  !!  i’m gonna put all you need  2 know about alanna below aaand i hope y’all like her ! <3

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street in gucci bee sneakers . your resemblance to hailey baldwin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also gracious . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be anything pink , the lingering smell of weed , and a cigarette between her fingers . &  ( cisfemale & she/her  )  +  ( dani , 20 , she/her , est . )

                    *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  :  scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c  )  ,  hanna  marin  (  pretty  little  liars  )  .

                   *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created . 

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone .

she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone  

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it

she wants to forget - here comes her secret - she got into drugs after the kidnapping and it quickly spiraled out of control , now she can’t seem to function without them because they’re the only thing that make her feel normal and make the memories fade

anything she can get her hands on rly

but the media think she’s an angel , her reputation has been kept p much pristine her whole life . and her parents have no clue how much she’s struggling or how much she’s changed . so if this were to come out , it would tarnish not only alanna’s reputation but her family’s  as well

                                         *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!

after deferring from brown ,  alanna knew she had to find some way to keep herself occupied and make money , even though she could live off her parents for however long she wanted

alanna wants to be . miss independent .

so she started getting into modelling , bc of her mom it was easy for her to book gigs

she was able to book gigs like adidas , guess , calvin klein  etc  !

so  that was super exciting for her bc she got really into it and  enjoyed doing it sm

she started acting about a year ago - started off in a few movies , & now she’s currently starring in a netflix series - smth similiar to elite or on my block !

oko so in high school alanna was super bubbly , and just like the really overly nice girl that would talk to literally every 1

but it worked for her bc she was  voted prom queen  and valedictorian ! even tho she missed graduation . yike

Anyway now ! she is not v much like that anymore , except  when she’s super high .

since her kidnapping alanna has been closed off and aloof . in general , she’s not as talkative

she says what she thinks but it usually comes in one word mumbles

can sometimes b very entertaining  . she’s kinda like paris hilton a little bit

also think Marissa from the oc !!

call her a  spoiled brat she’s gonna be like “ yah… and ?”

she  can be very selfish to a fault  in certain situations

and very defensive if she feels attacked, judged , put into a corner , physically cornered , etc

she’s a hopeless romantic at heart and dreams of having an epic love story

but she  has Hella trust issues which easily lead to commitment issues for her so … she will cheat “by accident” lol

that’s why she tries to steer clear of relationships but she also has such a big heart she  falls in love 5 times a day sffsdkj

also w  how much this girl  can sleep around it’s not happening any Time soon 4 her ! she enjoys being single a lot

Bc she likes to get wild

shes like nicole richie on the simple life when she’s partying  lmao

like she likes 2 fuck with ppl sometimes lol , like she will flirt w anyone and everyone just cus she’s bored

umm she lives  in sweatpants n crop tops !

her hair is either in a  bun or just down , she’s rly lazy when it comes to hair and makeup   . like if her makeups done someone else did it lol

Unless she’s like fully in the mood

ooverall she’s a rly sweet lil bean whos just scared of humans ! :’(

um ya idk im always developing  her but IF U read  all this  ilysm !

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !

                                  *  /  𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !!

EVERYTHING   !  here is a link to my wc page & a link to my wc TAG which are both full of ideas so  msg me  & i’ll throw tons of ideas at u <333 let’s do it i luv plotting sm okay

[bridgecityswift13]

hi. so i’ve talked about this a few times on here but i usually end up deleting it but today i’m not. 2 years ago today (december 8th 2018) i was diagnosed with a massive brain tumor in my cerebellum. (also got my tickets to reputation but that’s not the point) this was the day my entire life changed. i started having pretty bad headaches in march of 2017 and i’m not one to complain so i didn’t really say anything. they got worse and worse to the point where i started throwing up and passing out at school so obviously my mom made me go to the doctors. i got a neuro exam (and passed) so it just sounded like migraines so he set up a CT scan just to be sure. my scan was a week later (friday the eighth) and the monday if that week i passed out in the school bathroom and went to the ER and they told me i had UTI and there was no reason of a CT scan. but obviously we still wanted one so we didn’t cancel it. i was fine the rest of the week. friday came and they told us they found a tumor in my cerebellum and that’s all the info they had. we got rushed to boston children’s and got another neuro test and a 3 1/2 hr MRI on my brain and spine (then my braces were on and they couldn’t read the scan so they took them off and i had to do it again lmao) not only did i have a tumor the size of a grape fruit but i also had encephalitis (inflation of the brain) which is almost more dangerous then the tumor. i was in the hospital for 11 days total. i had my surgery monday dec 11th but honestly i don’t remember much from that day. it was 14 hours long and it went really well!! they took out 80% of my tumor! recovery was hard. i had to relearn how to walk and i couldn’t move my neck because they cut through all my neck muscles. i was home in time for christmas and i went back to school on january 9th 2018!! i had my follow up app on january 11th and my tumors benign which i’m incredibly thankful for! it could have been so so bad and this was the best outcome we could have gotten! i have a genetic mutation called the braf v600e. the only treatment i had at the time was MRIs every 3 months. i’ve probably had my tumor since i was very young, it was very slow growing. about a year later we saw a little regrowth in my tumor so i started a very low dose of a chemotherapy thst usually used to treat melanoma but recently is being used to stop growth and hopefully shirk my tumor. (it won’t make me really sick and loose my hair because it’s such a small amount and also it’s a pill) i started thst last school year but then they warned us that it may cause me to be able to not have kids. so we stopped immediately and started the egg retrieval process. when thst was over i started my chemo again in like september of 2019. i’m gonna be honest, it’s been tough. they warned me about the side affects but i didn’t think anything of it until they were actually happening. i get sunburnt SUPER badly, my hair was thinning (it’s pretty much almost stopped now) i hsve a rash, my eyebrows are basically gone (they’re thinning too but i’m using a serum to help them grow) acne, fatigue, nausea, joint pain. and it’s really took a toll on my mental health, but the important part is i’m heathy. my tumor is stable and i’m heathy. this really sucked and tbh it still really sucks and it might suck for a while but i’m heathy and have an amazing support system and i’m so fortunate to have access to such great heath care. my heart goes out to anyone who’s gone though, going through, or will grow through anything like this or any other kind of heath scare at some point. i’m so so greatful for everyone who has been in my life the past 2 years. all of my doctors, my friends who are always there for me and most importantly my amazing family! also huge shoutout to my love taylor alison swift for being a constant in my happiness since 2008 but especially the past 2 years! i love u so much and i’m always gonna support and love u so so much nmw💓 im so incredibly lucky to be where i am today. it could be so much worse and i’m thankful everyday that it isn’t. i love all of u

this was 2 years ago today!

this was the day before my surgery (hi sabrina carpenter)

these were the week after my surgery. i had double vision so i had to wear an eyepatch for a few weeks

there’s me at christmas 2017 with my cousins looking rough but good for 2 1/2 weeks post op

but here’s me 2 years later!

if anyone is going through anything like this idc if we’re friends or not i’m here for all of u! 💓

also kinda just exposed myself with all the pics from 2017/18

thank u if u read all of this!

[vitanes]

say it’s okay when it’s not

chapter 13: love letter

Lucas doesn’t have a crush on anyone, Eliott paints the mural and something is really wrong but Lucas can’t figure out what.

(a/n: i passed all my exams! n im back! enjoy! tw: mental health issues)

“Okay, but what do you think about this one? Isn’t he cute?” Mika asks, shoving his phone in front of Lucas’ face.

They are sprawled out on the couch and Mika is half-lying on top of Lucas, entertaining himself with some dating app while Lucas is trying to focus on whatever is playing on the TV. It’s needless to say he’s unsuccessful.

He sighs and glances at the screen. There’s a smiling guy looking back at him, wearing a snapback backwards and flexing his muscles. Shirtless.

Lucas looks sceptically at Mika and raises an eyebrow at him.

“He’s okay, I guess. I didn’t know you were into frat boys,” Lucas says, letting his eyes wander back to the TV.

“Have you seen those abs? I’m easy. Besides, he liked me first. I thrive off flattery,” Mika replies cockily, a smirk audible in his voice. He shifts a couple of centimetres up, digging his elbow into Lucas’ side in the process. It takes all of Lucas’ willpower not to push him off.

He groans. “What an attention whore.”

“Just a Leo,” Mika says with a snort. Lucas rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything. He thinks the discussion is over and gets back to the movie just for Mika to poke him in the cheek. He glares at him.

“What.”

“Why don’t you set up an account somewhere?” Mika asks with excitement in his eyes.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because apps like that aren’t for minors? And call me old-fashioned but I’d rather not meet someone online.” Lucas is a romantic at heart and there’s nothing more like simply wanting to meet eyes with a boy and instantly knowing it’s the one. It’s more magical than asking some strangers for hook-ups on the Internet.

Mika eyes him with pity and pats the top of Lucas’ head. “I wish it was that simple,” he murmurs and goes back to his phone, this time with much more serious expression.

He’s probably thinking that Lucas is naïve and perhaps he’s right, but Lucas is pretty sure he’s allowed to be when he’s still a kid. Something in the way Mika’s eyebrows are drawn together tells Lucas that he knows it, too.

Lucas watches him for a good minute, digging his fingers into the cushions of the couch. They’ve never talked about this stuff without having it written off as a joke, but Lucas is curious. He doesn’t know that much about Mika, although a part of him wants to.

“Hey… have you ever been in love?” he asks. With how closely Lucas is watching Mika, he notices the exact second he stops in his tracks for a moment, caught off guard by Lucas’ question.

Eventually, he quietly replies, “Yeah. Once.”

“How did it end?”

“Badly.” Mika looks up at Lucas, sending his way a sad smile. “Not sure I’ll ever get over it, but,” he shrugs one shoulder, “life goes on. Can’t move forward if I keep being stuck in the past, can I?” There’s something really raw and honest on Mika’s face. It’s the first time Lucas is seeing him like this and he wants to say something, catch this moment and hold it for a while, but Mika has different plans. The lines on his face smoothen out and this split second of vulnerability is gone before Lucas can even process it. “Guess who’s got a date tomorrow,” Mika changes the topic. He winks at Lucas and looks back at his phone.

He seems carefree, but Lucas can feel that the tension still hasn’t left his body. Lucas idly wonders how lonely and hurt Mika must be. It’s a bit tragic and contradictory, given his personality. Lucas hopes the same won’t happen to him.

“By the way, what about you?” Mika asks, this time not glancing away from his phone, already engrossed in the guy he’s talking to.

“What about me?” Lucas replies, confused.

“Any crushes?” Mika wiggles his eyebrows teasingly.

“No, there’s no one,” Lucas says just as his own phone vibrates. He pulls it out of his pocket and unlocks the screen. He smiles under his nose, his fingers already tapping out a reply.

“Who’s that?” Lucas can feel Mika’s eyes on the side of his face, but this time it’s him who doesn’t look up.

“Eliott,” he says, biting down on his bottom lip when Eliott sends out another message.

Mika makes a weird noise next to him. “Okaaay,” he draws out, uncertain, but Lucas pays him no mind.

 ***

 The mural is standing big and proud before Lucas’ eyes, but he can’t believe in what he’s seeing. Neither can any of them, really, although Lucas’ case is special.

It was a usual Monday morning. They all met up before school, noting Eliott’s absence but being already used to it. They didn’t think anything of it aside from a bit of concern. Then, Emma texted Yann to quickly come to the common room. It’s needless to say they weren’t very excited about it, given the circumstances, but eventually, they went there. What met them once they arrived, was rather unexpected. And still is.

Eliott has painted the whole mural.

“W–when have you done it?” Arthur stutters out in disbelief.

“Today morning,” Eliott replies simply, threading his fingers through his hair. There’s paint all over him, whole mixes of colours creating galaxies over his skin. Despite that, Lucas can’t look away from the painting.

“It’s eight in the morning,” Basile states dumbly.

“I came here after four,” Eliott says like it’s nothing.

“Wait, you broke in?” Imane asks cautiously. There’s something in her voice that Lucas can’t put a name to.

Eliott snorts. “No, I told the night guard that it’s for the project and he let me in,” Eliott explains as if the mere idea of him breaking in was absurd.

“Just like that?” Alexia asks doubtfully.

There’s a pause and then, “Took me some begging, but yeah.” He sounds sheepish.

“How did you manage to make it look like that? It should take you much longer,” Yann says in awe.

“I was suddenly really inspired.”

Lucas has barely blinked ever since he walked in. He hasn’t said anything either. He’s not sure he will be able to utter anything coherent. Eliott told him about some surprise over the texts, but Lucas sure as fuck didn’t suspect something like that.

There are crazy splashes of colours all over the place, but in the centre are two silhouettes, painted in black, clearly dancing, holding onto one another, one of them hiding their face in the other’s neck. Lucas gulps when his eyes fall on the words scribbled around the dancers.

 In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.

 Lucas can’t take his eyes off it because he knows how easy to read he’d be then.

Despite the chaotic colours surrounding the two characters, they are shielding each other. It feels personal, private. Lucas wants to reach out and trace the lines of the taller silhouette, but he can’t since the paint is still wet. The longer he looks at the exact moment Eliott has confessed to him, the more out of breath he is.

Eliott has painted him a love letter for everyone to see and Lucas doesn’t know what to think about it.

Eliott said he didn’t expect anything from him, but does it still stand? Is it just a selfless expression of his feelings? Then why use that quote? Why expose such an intimate moment between them?

Someone taps him on the shoulder, startling him and he flinches. He looks to the side and Eliott is right there, looking anxiously everywhere but at Lucas and having this expectant glint in his eyes.

Lucas briefly glances at others, who are still admiring the painting, and then back at Eliott.

“Do you like it?” Eliott asks, finally looking up at Lucas. They both know what it means, this whole mural, but neither of them is ready to acknowledge it. Lucas because he has no idea what to say about it while Eliott is probably too shy.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. But…” he lowers his voice, leaning closer to Eliott, “…I thought that you didn’t want. Because of, you know.” Lucas nods subtly towards Daphne.

Eliott scratches the side of his neck awkwardly. “I didn’t do it for her,” he says, staring at Lucas meaningfully. The implication of his words makes Lucas speechless.

Thank God, he’s saved from replying by Arthur coming up to them and throwing his arms around their shoulders. Coincidentally bringing them pretty close together.

“Wow, it’s amazing, dude,” he says, grinning.

Yeah, Lucas thinks, it really is.

 ***

 Lucas is pretty lost. He’s got no idea how to act around Eliott after what he’s done. He can’t confront him about it, but he also can’t forget. Eliott’s feelings are out in the open, almost in Lucas’ hands and he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt him. Lucas has already had enough on his plate, mostly focusing on finding the blackmailer. But now, he can’t stop thinking about the painting. It’s been two days and it’s almost the only thing on his mind.

Eliott must have sensed something is up because he’s been more tentative around Lucas. Maybe he’s only now realising how grand his gesture was. How they can’t simply brush it off like they did with his confession.

Or maybe it’s all in Lucas’ head. Perhaps it’s only him mulling it over endlessly while everyone else has already moved on.

Arthur snapped a picture of the mural, in case someone decided to paint over it. Lucas has saved it.

And maybe that’s the issue. Because it’s for him, it was painted for him and belongs to him, but everyone else can look at it. Maybe that bothers him more than Eliott going out of his way to remind him about his feelings. It’s the fact it was supposed to be theirs. The moment of the confession, the time it was Eliott who was vulnerable and clinging onto Lucas and not the other way around. In a way, it brought them even closer than they were before. It was an important moment for both of them, but while Lucas would rather keep it deep within himself, Eliott is an artist, ready to let the whole world know.

It could also be the fact no one has ever thought of Lucas like that, done such a thing. He’s always thinking of himself lowly and there Eliott is, making him feel big. It’s a bit scary and confusing. This whole situation is like that. Lucas isn’t used to it. He’s a bit overwhelmed. He’s pretty sure that if Eliott had painted this on a small canvas and gave it to him, he wouldn’t be gnawing on it as much now. As it is at the moment, all Lucas wants to do is hide between his sheets.

The funny thing is that he shouldn’t feel that embarrassed by the fact other people can see the mural. They don’t know that it’s about Eliott and him. No one probably even suspects it because they never gave people the reason to think otherwise. But the sole fact that Lucas knows is enough for him to blush each time he passes the common room.

Besides, people aren’t stupid. Sure, they may not connect anything to him. Figuring out Eliott has someone he painted it for, though, is inevitable. Lucas doesn’t really want people to bother him about it.

On the other hand, Eliott must have taken that into account and he still decided to make it.

God, Lucas’ head is a mess. Complete mess. He doesn’t have time to dwell on this teenage angst, there are more concerning matters in his life.

He’s been trying to find a lead on the blackmailer without actually talking to Daphne(or Imane for that matter) for the past week. He put so much effort into going through people’s social media, spending sleepless nights in hopes he would find the answers. He hasn’t been sure what exactly he was looking for; a picture, maybe, where Daphne is with someone sketchy. But no matter how deep he’s been digging, there was nothing.

When he was at the police station he talked about this and yeah, it’s a crime that someone could be punished for, but they’ve found out the number that sent the messages was bought, generated. The case was still registered, but they can’t do anything. They asked Lucas all kinds of questions, like if he had some enemies or whether he knew someone who could benefit from this situation, but his mind was completely blank. Devoid of suspects.

He wants revenge and justice and yet, he’s pretty sure he reached the dead-end. His gut is telling him to give up and finally focus on school, but his resolve is making him want to fight more.

In the grand scheme of things, this problem seems much more engaging that Eliott and his mural. Try telling it to a sixteen-year-old and his brain, though.

God, when will Lucas get some rest?

 ***

 Lucas hasn’t been avoiding Imane, per se, but he’s been trying not to be with her alone ever since he asked her about Daphne. He can’t really avoid her anyway, no matter how hard he tries they do have a class together and share a desk. Much to Lucas’ surprise, though, Imane doesn’t try to corner him as soon as he sits down. That’s what he expected, given how every time they were in the same room she’d send him questioning looks. But now she only glances up at him and greets him before going back to her textbook.

It’s almost unnerving and so not like her to give up on finding the truth. Unless she forgot or decided it wasn’t worth her time. She, after all, is the one who has her priorities straight and unlike other people, she doesn’t push when she realises it won’t get her anywhere.

Lucas is almost disappointed. Not because he wanted to be bugged about his business, but because of how he tried to stay away from Imane and was dreading their shared class for the past few days, despite the fact he enjoys it. In the end it was all for nothing. At least that’s the conclusion he reaches as he starts taking books out of his backpack.

“I know,” Imane says ominously and Lucas looks at her, frowning.

“Hm?”

“Daphne told me,” Imane explains, her tone pinched. Her eyes are glued to her notebook when she says the next words, “I’d expect a lot from her, but not this, you know? She started crying while telling me and I had no idea what to say because I couldn’t feel any sympathy for her. Does it make sense?” Imane asks, meeting Lucas’ eyes. She seems apologetic even if none of this is her fault.

“Yeah, it does,” Lucas replies.

“And she only told me. I don’t know why.”

“I’m sorry she put you in this position.” Quite fucked up that Daphne just can’t tell everyone and let them make their decision, but only bothered with him and Imane, having them be left with this dilemma.

“She trusted me with this, but it’s so,” she shakes her head. “I can’t really act around her like before. And I feel responsible in a way. Because she’s my friend.” Imane puts a hand over her forehead and closes her eyes, visibly frustrated.

“But you aren’t her babysitter,” Lucas counters.

“Yeah, but if I was with her back then I could’ve stopped her. I was sober, she wasn’t.”

It’s good that the teacher still hasn’t come, otherwise, their conversation would have been cut short. Considering that Imane feels guilty, Lucas needs to prove to her that she hasn’t done anything wrong.

“But she isn’t five and if she can’t act normally when drunk, she shouldn’t go near alcohol. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s just fucking shitty she expects you to pick a side now,” Lucas says, curling his fingers up into fists. God, he’s angry again. Why can’t Daphne be decent for like five minutes?

“I asked her to tell the girls but I don’t know. I hope that she will try to do better in the future,” Imane says and sighs deeply. Yeah, one can only wait for Daphne to grow, learn a lesson. Lucas just wishes it didn’t have to happen with him being fucked over in the process.

“We will see,” Lucas comments, pursing his lips. Imane peeks an eye open.

“I know it’s not much but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and the only thing I could remember was that some guy called me from Daphne’s phone, asking me to pick her up. He could have been the one to steal the pictures. She was alone when I got to her,” Imane says and Lucas can feel the blood rushing in his ears. She’s right it’s not much, but it’s more than he’s ever gotten. If only Daphne hadn’t been so wasted, he could ask her if she remembered something. Fuck.

“She didn’t tell you if it was someone random or a friend?” Lucas asks, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve.

“No. She was nearly passed out when I found her. I doubt she’d even remember she asked someone to call. Could be anyone. Sorry that I can’t help more,” Imane says, glancing down in resignation.

“It’s okay,” Lucas replies just as the teacher walks into the classroom.

The whole situation is messed up but Imane is the last person Lucas would even consider blaming. He tells her just as much when the class is finished and she hugs him so tightly he’s pretty sure his ribs would be broken if she put any more strength into it.

 ***

 It’s the middle of the night and Lucas knows it only because his phone is persistently buzzing, waking him up in the process. He blindly reaches out for the device and blinks a couple of times, the light hurting his eyes. The first thing he notices is that it’s after 3 AM and the second – it’s Eliott calling him. Lucas frowns. Odd.

“’ello?” he answers, barely containing a yawn.

“Did I wake you?” Eliott asks. His voice seems muffled.

“I mean… it’s pretty late.” Lucas rubs a hand over his eyes and lies on his back. “Somethin’ happen?”

“Just wanted to hear you. I was actually thinking I could visit you, but decided against it. What would Mika say if I stayed the night, right?” Eliott jokes and gets a snort our of Lucas.

“It’s flattering, but you’re gonna hear me tomorrow,” Lucas says dumbly.

“Yeah, but I just had to. Sorry.”

“’s okay,” Lucas slurs. “You got me worried,” he explains, sighing.

“I can’t turn my brain off, my ex has been an ass about it. I thought that maybe you could help a little,” Eliott says quietly, especially the last part, almost as if he didn’t want Lucas to hear it.

Lucas ignores the whole ex thing and focuses on the rest. Insomnia? Lucas has some experience with that. There’s nothing quite like the chaos in your head and feeling like a living corpse during the day because you haven’t slept properly in days.

“How can I help?” Lucas offers.

“I don’t know. It’s always peaceful with you. Maybe I just don’t want to be alone when I’m like this.”

How can Eliott say things like that and expect Lucas to ignore it?

Lucas clears his throat. “Like what? You can’t sleep, it’s okay, remember it’s not the end of the world even if it feels like it,” Lucas says, hoping it will calm Eliott down.

Eliott lets out a bitter chuckle. “Yeah. I just have a lot of energy, I guess. I think I’ll go for a run.”

Lucas arches an eyebrow at that. Who would go for a run so late? He can’t imagine doing that no matter how restless he’d be. But each to their own, he supposes.

“’kay. Sorry for not being the best help,” Lucas says, genuinely apologetic.

“You are the best. Period. Okay, sleep well. See you later,” Eliott says and without waiting for Lucas to reply, he hangs up.

Lucas puts his phone down and settles comfortably on the bed, unable to shake off a weird feeling. He drags his hand down the empty side of his bed and sighs. He falls asleep thinking that maybe Eliott being here wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

 ***

 “So, how was the run?” Lucas asks when they’re all seated by their table in the cafeteria. He woke up still feeling weird and had to check his calls to see whether he hasn’t dreamed of it, but no, Eliott really called him in the middle of the night. Had he been more awake, he’d have stopped Eliott from doing whatever he’s done.

Everyone, including Eliott, sends him questioning looks, but Lucas pays them no mind, solely focusing his gaze on Eliott. It takes a few seconds, but the realisation eventually dawns upon Eliott and he opens his mouth.

“It was good. Feeling sore, though,” he says, grinning towards Lucas. “I’ve been studying for my exams,” Eliott changes the topic, digging into his potatoes. “The material is so hard, but I’m sort of getting it. I read so many books in the last few days I feel like my head’s about to explode.”

“Explode with knowledge!” Basile jokes and Eliott bursts out laughing before launching into a story he’s read online recently.

He gets a little lost halfway through and changes the topic again. The guys indulge him, but Lucas can’t help feeling uneasy. He squints his eyes. Eliott is too jumpy for some reason.

Maybe it’s his ex-girlfriend that he mentioned during their phone call? Lucas doesn’t even know their story so who knows how much effect she can have on him. Or it’s about the exams that are looming over them. Whatever it is, something tells Lucas it’s not good. He wishes he could help Eliott calm down, talk with him, but Eliott seems so far away. He’s so close yet completely out of reach. From the very beginning of the week, since the mural.

What if it’s Lucas’ fault? Eliott is nervous because Lucas hasn’t said anything about it, quite literally decided to ignore what Eliott’s done. But then again, it’d go against him telling Lucas that he didn’t want anything from him.

Lucas could just ask, but he isn’t sure Eliott would tell him. There’s only one thing Lucas is certain of – something is bothering Eliott.

Someone waves a hand in front of Lucas’ face, snapping him out of his thoughts. He jumps and realises that when he zoned out, he was literally staring at Eliott. Which, given Arthur’s suspicions from the last week, doesn’t put him in the best position.

“You okay?” Yann asks, a line of worry appearing between his eyebrows.

“Yeah, just thinking,” he says, shrugging. He’s trying to come off as cool despite being caught staring at one of them. Lucas isn’t sure how well it goes, but no one comments on his weird behaviour.

Eliott throws a French fry at him and it smacks Lucas straight on the nose. “Don’t think too much or you’ll end up like me,” he says and winks at him.

Lucas tilts his head to the side. What does that even mean?

“Anyways, okay, guys, what about we chill tomorrow a bit? In the park? It’s been a while since we spent Friday together,” Basile suggests, grinning at them eagerly.

Yeah, it sounds nice. Considering all the turmoil Lucas has been through, it really has been some time since he simply relaxed with his friends. Sure, there were brief moments but nothing like what they’d do usually.

“Sounds pretty good. I think I have some weed stashed somewhere. I could bring it,” Arthur says excitedly.

“Tomorrow after school?” Yann asks them and they all nod.

Lucas is still concerned about Eliott so maybe tomorrow will be also a good occasion to check if everything is alright. Smoking could loosen Eliott up and make him talk a bit.

 ***

 Lucas takes a drag and passes the joint to Basile. He releases the smoke after holding it in and leans back against the grass. He can literally feel the tension leaving his body. He hadn't realised how much he’s needed it up until now.

They are lying around in a secluded area of the park, save from any prying eyes. Free to do whatever they want for as long as they need to. They’re on their second joint and sure, having it shared between five people won’t be as effective as it normally would be, but Lucas still feels much lighter.

It’s mostly quiet aside from music playing from Arthur’s phone. They don’t talk much despite Lucas having wanted to get some information out of Eliott. He thinks that maybe later. At the moment, he feels like taking a nap. Or just staring at the sky. It’s really fucking blue today and the weather is warm. They chose a great day to hang out.

Lucas sighs heavily just as Eliott plops down next to him. Lucas turns his head to the side and meets his eyes. Lucas’ fingertips itch to move Eliott’s fringe away from his eyes, but he keeps his hand to himself. It’s a weird thought to have about your friend.

“What’s up?” Lucas asks and when Eliott does nothing but look at him, Lucas nudges him in the side.

“You look pretty like that,” Eliott blurts out, his eyes glinting and Lucas’ breath hitches in his throat. He looks around to see if any of the guys has heard it, but no one seems to have paid attention.

Lucas lets out a nervous chuckle, ignoring the warmth climbing up his neck. “Thanks,” he mutters, his eyes settling on some random spot on Eliott’s t-shirt.

Eliott shuffles even closer to him. “Can I hold your hand?”

Lucas bites on the inside of his cheek, his heart speeding up for some reason. Why’s he feeling so lightheaded all of sudden? Must be the weed. What else?

“Yeah,” he breathes out, inching his palm towards Eliott. It doesn’t have any meaning. They do hold hands sometimes for comfort. Lucas has held hands with plenty of his friends.

Eliott grabs Lucas’ palm in his and entwines their fingers together. He squeezes once and Lucas’ heart skips a beat.

Lucas closes his eyes in order not to look at Eliott’s face. He’s scared of what it could make him feel.

“I’m so happy I could die right now,” Eliott whispers.

Lucas snorts. “What?”

“I don’t think I could be happier than this. Dying would be the best option at the moment so that would be the last feeling in my life. And I’d die next to you,” Eliott says, his thumb rubbing the back of Lucas’ hand.

“What? Don’t say something like that,” Lucas replies, half-heartedly hitting Eliott in the chest with his free hand.

Eliott lets out a laugh. “Sorry,” he pauses. “How many Lucases and Eliotts are lying down like that now?”

Lucas hums thoughtfully and settles on, ”Probably a lot.”

Eliott huffs and Lucas can feel him shaking his head. “All of them,” he says, convinced.

“Why’re you asking if you know the answer?”

“Because I wanted to know yours,” Eliott replies, honesty audible in his voice.

Lucas doesn’t say anything to this because he has no idea which words would be fitting. The mood is too nice for him to open his mouth and ruin it. So he stays quiet, breathing Eliott’s smell in and slowly feeling himself drift off. He doesn’t even register the moment Eliott disappears from beside him.

 ***

 “Hey, buddy, you okay?” Lucas hears through the fog in his mind. Someone shakes his shoulders, but it’s not the same person who spoke. The voice is more distant, that’s how he knows it’s not towards him.

Lucas blinks his eyes open. The first thing he notices is that it’s darker than he remembers from before he fell asleep. The second is Arthur hovering over him, his expression tense.

“Something bad is happening with Eliott,” he whispers, reaching his hand up to help Lucas sit up.

“What?” Lucas asks after being hoisted up. His eyes immediately jump towards where he can hear quiet murmurs from. Eliott looks barely present, with an almost haunted look on his face. Basile and Yann are crouching on both of his sides, talking to him, but barely getting any responses.

“After you fell asleep he started being really jittery, kept walking around. At first, we brushed it off, but it kept getting worse and worse. We had to stop him from running off,” Arthur explains as they walk up to where the three boys are.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Lucas asks, keeping his eyes on Eliott.

“It started getting really bad like ten to fifteen minutes ago,” Yann says.

They had more things to keep their eyes on than thinking of waking Lucas up. Understandable.

Basile is still talking to Eliott, trying to keep him grounded. Eliott’s replies are quiet and chaotic. Something is off about this situation and Lucas is pretty sure that four stoned teenagers won’t be able to deal with it well if it keeps escalating.

“We should call his parents,” Lucas says.

“Yeah. If it’s what I think it is, we better do that,” Basile says, his voice full of seriousness.

Lucas gulps, watching Eliott, and his heart breaks. He should have seen it coming sooner.

[carotriesstudy]

When you’re not doing well at uni and failing

okay, i know im not the best at keeping this blog bc its like not a physical thing so i forget i have it lol

but i wanted to just talk a little and vent bc of my life is pretty shit atm (the tips at the start are written post rant to actually give some advice instead of just venting)

Tip 1 - get out of bed

I know its hard, I could spend my life in bed and tbh I do. but I also know that while it feels like taking care of yourself to relax, I know it’ll make me more depressed. and it's super hard. I constantly tell myself to get up while lying there an entire day. but when you feel that little spur of energy or in my case annoyance lol use it. get up and get out. 

Tip 2 - get out of your room

this is similar to tip 1 but if you find yourself in lack of motivation or energy go somewhere. take a walk, or go study in a library or cafe. and this can be even harder. having to get dressed? maybe interact with people? are you kidding me? but the minute you get out and even when you interact with people it feels better. you aren't holed up in your depression or whatever might be bothering you. 

Tip 3 - it’s okay and it’s going to be better

right now it's shit. and it feels like its never going to get better. and that you're stuck in this rut forever. but things will turn even if you don't want them to. there can be a comfort and security in your depression bc it gives a reason to why it feels like its right. but you know what also feels like that? the good, and hopefully there will be more of those. 

Tip 4 - do as much as you can handle

it's easy to not do things. I haven't done anything all semester. and it sucks bc it's biting me in the ass now. and it's not like I don't have the time. I just don't have the energy. so when I have the energy I need to remember that reading 3 pages of assigned reading is still better than none. I go to class even if I'm not paying attention bc it gets me up and out but also it gives a good idea of what I need to focus on etc.

Tip 5 - its okay to “give up”

i dont like the phrase giving up that much bc it sounds like defeat. i am in a process of severly considering not starting again next semester bc of my mental health. its serious consideration. but its one i need to make and if i decide not to go, it doesnt mean i gave up, i just realised that my current situation iisnt good and that i need to change stuff before i can continue instead of wasting my time doing a shit job at an expensive uni. so, thats good. figuring out what works and what doesnt is only a positive thing

today im in a somewhat good mood despite learning i failed my stats exam (dw its not bad we have multiple so i can still pass)

but the thing is, i have been in a very bad place or a long time and it has really been affecting me and by extension also my education.

i feel apathetic towards everything, im uninterested, and the stress and obligatoin feel i used to really on to study isnt kicking in anymore due to the apathy

im constantly tired, i cant get out o bed in the morning and we have madatory attendance (which probably is good bc otherwise i wouldnt be going to class probably)

my concentration and attention is somewhere completely different atm and its been weeks like this (usually its a few days) and i cant control it very well and its making it hard for me to study and pay attention

im letting myself slip, my room is slipping, my health is slipping

while im trying to get better and be more social which is easier than studying bc usually its just me and this one friend getting high and watching stupid videoes which is nice bc its a break to feel happy and entertained but its also not good for me

back to school stuff since this is a study blog

im no doing good in any of my classes, i barely passed two exams, failed one and possibly one more

i have an exam on friday i need to study for, and one on monday. i neeed good grades in these to make up for the not so good marks i have received before

and while i know that taking care of your mental health is more important not feeling like doing academic work is bothering me a lot actually and its a hellish circle of poor mental health leads to poor academic performance which then leads to poor mental health

and while my apathy and alexithymia saves me from feeling sad or upset by my grades i know deep down i want to do well. i want to succeed. 

i cant keep not working, i need to put in work if i wanna improve. this isnt high school anymore

im doing some hard courses this semester and while i am usually interested in most of them i cant seem to care 

im doing better today mentally and i feel up for getting some stuff done so im going to exploit that but i also just want to sleep and wake up feeling actually awake for once

im also getting sick so thats fun

my parents are also making me see a therapist (i haven't started yet) and i think thats a good idea but i have a lot of anxiety about it lol hence why i need therapy 

im also going to talk to counsellor at school and see what she can help with as well

idk what id going to happen but im trying to finish my semester and get back into a good study rhythm. I anyone wants to throw some advice or encouragement my way id really appreciate it.