#there is something wrong with me and its called a hyperfixation

[mohgreal]

I looked into a few spoilers and watched a fight with Radahn/Miquella and I gotta say that Mohg didn't deserved to be used as a husk for any of this

Like all of this doesn't make sense to me lore wise, story wise and the final fight itself looks like a reused asset...

I may be wrong of course, because there is not enough information about Miquella's plan fully, but for now I'm just extremely confused

Gonna go cope now by drawing Mohg's and Malenia's fanarts where everything is well and fine😔

Anyway sorry about the rambling, just wanted to talk about the dlc thing with someone and since we are mutuals I thought you wouldn't mind

U can ignore and delete this ask if you want, sorry for bothering, hope you have a good day!!

First of all, never apologise for yapping to me thats the entire point of my account sdiwbfjx

And yeah, the so called so called "plot twist" being a popular theory sucks. Like what did Mohg do ?? Have a cool outfit?? Honestly I would rather suffer through the "mohglester" and slander then this. It does make him more sympathetic, but also kinda boring.

The fight really does feel like it was made a day before, someone on reddit thats a game dev made a whole long ass reply of how theyre certain thats what happened.

Anyway I dont really have the *full* scoop of lore info since I havent played the DLC yet because my laptop broke, I do still think it's a shitty way to end both Miquella's arc, Mohg's arc, Radahn's arc that was supposed to be finished, and as well as a shitty way to end the dlc. I know fromsoftware simps will just tell me to cope but like, its so bad. Im not sorry because it makes zero sense, looks bad, and the fight feels reused and boring.

I do think we should all collectively cope, (mostly me and the pre dlc miquella enjoyers) which i plan to do by writing whatever. I want to play something else to get my mind off all the sote issues but im too hyperfixated and once again I don't have the laptop to play anything on whoops

conclusion always ramble to mohgreal

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a typo?

💬🍃

(to help find later)

This has been really frustrating me, but I don't know if my emotions are clouding my judgement and if I really was the one in the wrong. For context everyone mentioned is an adult.

The other day I (19) was talking with a friend in server about a character from a book series we both really enjoy. Two other people who never read the book were popping into the convo occasionally so me and my friend were trying to explain some context. One of those two people are who the situation revolves around, let's call them Leaf (20), fake name.

I have ADHD and I tend to get really excited when ranting abt my hyperfix, I tend to have a lot to say and a need to get it out as fast as possible, so I tend to make a LOT of typos. I make a lot of typos even when texting normally, it's a very well known fact about me. Because I make so many I don't tend to correct or change them in normal casual conversation because it's simply too much work and takes up too much time when people understand what I'm trying to say anyways.

When trying to explain a character's backstory I accidentally misspelled like and used a k instead of an l, since the letters are very close together on my keyboard. I had NO idea that it was an actual word at all, let alone that it was a slur. There was no malicious intention behind it at all. Leaf let me know that it was a slur, and I immediately apologized and explained I didn't know and I tend to make a lot of typos. Leaf was weirdly condescending about it though, we are NOT very close but they passive aggressively called me their "beloved darling" and to "use my eyes ❤️". They responded to my message with the apology in it by saying "well now you know" basically, and I thought that was it. The conversation moved on.

We sent a lot of messages in between that and when Leaf brought it up again. The original message was typo was completely buried. Admittedly I did not edit the original message right away to correct it, since I don't edit messages on discord often and I was distracted so it slipped my mind. But I did go back immediately when Leaf brought it up again. They said that they felt that being excited about a book isn't an excuse to say a slur and they shouldn't feel scared to speak up about it. We were all very confused by this, because we thought it was resolved and my friend even thought that they had said something wrong this time. I apologized AGAIN and had to do so profusely, with Lead responding to my messages with "ok" multiple times. They finally said that its okay now bc before I hadn't apologized or changed anything. Which is VERY CONFUSING TO ME because I DID APOLOGIZE, AND THEY RESPONDED TO THE MESSAGE WHERE I DID.

I will also admit that I did not like Leaf prior to this incident. They have a tendency to get condescending and harp on others for accidents or mistakes, but when they perceive the slightest bit of criticism they have a break down, regardless of if the actual message meant to be negative. They also do not communicate clearly and it's usually a guessing game in regard to what they're actually trying to say or what the problem is. I know they have some other mental health issues so even though I disliked them I never let it show in my behavior. I tried my hardest to be as polite and kind as possible, because I didn't want Leaf to feel unwelcome in the server. Sometimes people don't vibe and that's alright, their needs just clashed with my own (I have a need to over explain and completely understand a situation, so Leaf being vague and passive aggressive is especially frustrating for me) and I didn't want to isolate them from their friends just because I didn't vibe.

Additionally, in a previous conversation where I was talking about a fandom appropriating my culture and why that made it hard for me to enjoy the source material, Leaf said some questionable things. They were also a fan of what I was talking about, and they didn't seem to understand what I was talking about or why it was upsetting for me. This obliviousness made me extra baffled when it came to the typo incident.

I guess I've just been frustrated at the immaturity of how the situation was handled. I make such an effort to be polite and mature when it comes to them, and some of my other friends have said I've been much more patient with Leaf than they would have been, but maybe my judgment is clouded and I should have done something different. The server that we're in is very small (~20 ppl but usually only 5 or so are regularly active) and I don't want to stir up any kind of drama or trouble when I can just handle my own emotions personally. However what happened baffled me so much I feel like I need an outside opinion.

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[pinesfamilyguidetotheweird]

Recently, I've started watching a short anime called Night Head 2041, which is a reboot of Night Head Genesis (which was an anime adaption of a 1992 Japanese tv drama called Night Head...which I can't seem to find T.T), which I've also seen. To make a long story short, and without spoiling anything, its about a pair of brothers (not twins; just wanted to clarify) with psychic powers taken away from their parents and trying to navigate in a world not accepting to the supernatural.

Along with this, I've played games Control (a game inspired by the SCP Foundation; which I've finished the main game and is playing the Foundation DLC), the Medium (kinda stuck at a second stealth escape from the main antagonist; I'm shit at stealth), and a little bit of Beyond Two Souls...

All of this kinda gave me inspiration for a new AU where the characters connected to the Cosmic Zodiac have/are born with psychic/psionic powers. They, along with other anomalies, are taken to a facility that wishes to monitor them and help them keep their powers in check.

I'm gonna call the fic 'As Above, So Below' and for good reason. Reasons that I won't divulge cuz spoilers. I am in the process of planning it out and it is definitely my hyperfixation right now.

As for Cipher's Will, and I may be sounding like a broken record at this point and I apologize (I'm annoyed with myself and done with my own bullshitery too), I've finally thought of something much better when I decided to get rid of a lot of plot bunnies. Plus, an actual fucking plot. Whoo-hoo! And it's honestly thanks to the creation of an OC.

I am...kinda wondering if I want to make As Above, So Below a crossover this time around...but, I'm not quite sure yet.

Like how I've been wanting to add the Owl House, Amphibia, and maybe even Steven Universe characters in previous fics (what is wrong with me?) and, really, thanks to the nature of the facility (which is kinda like the Oldest House in Control), I can see these characters being in it. Just not sure of their roles yet.

Probably the best course of action would be to just keep the focus on the Pines until something happens because...well, I can say that the start of the story isn't even at the facility and is mainly focused on Dipper and Mabel.

[tea-and-secrets]

I feel horrible about this, but it's escalated to a point where this issue could destroy my life if I don't find a way to stop doing it.

So, for some reason, I get these really intense, obsessive, really disturbing fascinations with people. There's no pattern to them, no specific personality type or anything that sets it off, and I have never had more than one or maybe two per year, although they don't usually last more than a few (3-5) months. They're NOT hyperfixations. I've been hyperfixated on people before. For me, it never lasts more than 2 months (usually FAR less) and is entirely platonic, not at all violent or distressing, and doesn't make me upset in any way. I've had hyperfixations and an obsession at the same time, once I had an obsession and hyperfixated on each of his main friends within a 3 month span rapid fire style.

These obsessive feelings are like. Needing to talk to them, intrusive thoughts about hurting them, wanting to find them IRL (even if they live states away), to show up where they are, to call them at ofd hours, constantly imagining a future together, and they're always very romantic/explicit in nature. They make me feel physically ill from how gross they are. They're like nonstop intrusive thoughts of a relationship, but with this intense desire to constantly act on them and a need to be around the person all the time. And not being close to the person makes the intrusive thoughts worse.

It has never happened with someone I have actual romantic attraction to, but it happens even if I don't know them in person or we never met IRL. Usually after they fade I feel ambivalent or cold or just vaguely normal about the person. So basically after a few months of agony it sorts out and I am free usually for 8-10 months. I've never dated someone I have an obsession with. I understand them enoughto know they wouldn't mimic intrusive thoughts if they were genuinely romantic feelings. Plus, they don't last. They always fade eventually and honestly, they seriously freak me out. I don't want to have murderous intrusive thoughts when someone doesn't pick up a Skype call. That's not my idea of romantic.

Usually, I just wait for these feelings to pass, or limit contact with the person, but this time. It's so much worse.

The person is my friend, and way too young for me. He's not a minor, he's just to young for me (4 years younger, its my personal thing). He's taken, not my type, and I've always seen him as a pesky younger brother of sorts, so I never even considered this would happen. Having these feelings about him makes me feel violently ill. I've tried ignoring him and pushing him away until they stopped, but he noticed and I feel guilty punishing him for a problem that's only in my head. It isn't his fault there's something wrong with me. But I dont know what to do. If I told him about it, I'm worried he might think I like him (I don't think I do, I know how my obsessions are and it isn't love) and based on comments he's made, I'm worried he might actually try to rope me into a polycule or shoot his shot with me. Neither of those would be good places for my mental state.

I also really don't want our other friends to hear about this because I have a crush on one friend who's way older than me (we're both adults but we would NOT have gone to high school together ha ha) and I still want to hold out hope that in a few years she might see me as a viable partner (a bi can dream...) which would be jeopardized if she knew I'm basically a freak of nature.

So I need to figure out how to fix this part of me, FAST. I can't keep doing this and I'm scared things will fall apart or I'll lose it trying to fix this but I'm scared of losing everything.

I wish I could just have been born normal but I wasn't and now I have to fix it. It doesn't feel fair, and I hate it, but I want to be normal and not have to deal with this anymore. I want to just be okay, and I don't know how. I just know that normal people don't do this and this scares me. I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to be like this, and I don't know how to fix it, so I just suffered in silence for years. And now I have to fix it and don't know where to start. I just needed to tell someone about it.

.

[lovethesparrow]

Confused (English post)

Why is Goebbels always called a rat! I don't see the resemblance. Maybe its cause the rats where i live are chunky. I think Joseph would be something more slim and frail, like a small bird. This just popped up in my head and i was eager to post something on tumblr.

plus (dont @ me if im wrong) but arent rats (atleast in fables) seen as theives and backstabbers? what animal would be best to represent a liar? Snakes, foxes, small birds? jackals maybe?

Im bored--(i do not support fascist or n*zi ideologies!! its a hyperfixation!!)

[acethetic-trappola]

Fandoms That I’m In!

This is sort of a part 2 of my intro! If you’re new to my side blog, I’m @call-me-aesthetic or Aesthetic for short.

For the past 3-4 years being on Tumblr, I’ve been branding myself as a Twisted Wonderland (TWST) fan between my moots and followers despite being in multiple fandoms.

Maybe it was just the hyperfixation at the time but I’d rarely talked about anything else BUT TWST 😭 Even though I’m a few years late, I still want to share my interests with other people and maybe make new friends!

Current Hyperfixations:

Twisted Wonderland (ofc)

Black Butler

Genshin Impact

Obey Me!

RWBY

My Little Pony (still a brony after 10 years 💪)

New Fandoms I Gladly Became Apart Of:

NANA (15 year hiatus is crazy 💀)

Sailor Moon (or any magical girl-esque franchise, my friends got me HOOKED)

Honkai Impact 3rd (the lore is kinda confusing but I’m still learning)

Honkai Star Rail (lost my 50/50 to Gepard on Boothill’s banner 🥲)

Zenless Zone Zero (can’t wait til it comes out!)

Cookie Run Kingdom

Project Sekai/Vocaloid

Mystic Messenger

Stardew Valley

Yuurivoice/Bittersweet

Escaped Audios

(👆Regarding ASMR/audio dramas, I’ll probably make a new list for them when I discover more)

Fandoms I’m Less Involved In/Used To Be Apart Of

(though, I don’t mind talking about them with others):

Undertale (the game and its AUs)

Deltarune

FNAF

DDLC

My Hero Academia

Haikyuu

Assassination Classroom

Jujutsu Kaisen

Chainsaw Man

PSWG

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss

Danganronpa

Persona (mainly 4 & 5)

Visual Novels

(Got its own section cuz THERE IS A LOT LMAO):

Class of 09

Error 143

Going Live!

Blooming Panic

SeekL

Date With Death

Touchstarved

The Kid At The Back

Something’s Wrong with Sunny Day Jack

The Groom of Gallagher Mansion

So that’s basically it for my list of fandoms I’m in (with no specific order)! I will be editing this post depending if I’ve discovered a new fandom to be a part of or sadly lose interest in one. Either way, if anyone manages to find this post, feel free to drop by my inbox or dm me!

[postal-ech]

Alright no, I need to go into detail on this shit cause I swear to god, it lives rent free in my head. I'll split the post off here cause there's gonna be some spoilers for Lisa the Undone as well as a few other Lisa Fan Games that are on my mind

I'm also giving a CW here, cause Lisa covers some dark topics, and I want to unload it a bit here, especially given what I've seen out of Lisa the Undone.

Buckle up, it's gonna be a long, very autistically hyperfixated post.

So

I initially never really got into Lisa when it first came out. I was a shitlord that saw the fan content first, especially this project known as Interlopers - essentially, a Lisa-Undertale crossover featuring Buddy Armstrong and Chara Dreemur.

It piqued my interest a bit, but I never realized how one sided it was in exploring this stuff, especially given it was this crossover AU. It focused mainly on the Undertale fandom and some of the things that were popular at the time. It WAS going to explore its own version of Olathe on a sequel series but that was canceled later on, and the idea has become dormant since.

Later on, my curiosity grew and I looked into the Lisa side of things more. I discovered Lisa the Pointless, Lisa the Hopeful, and then I started looking into other fan projects here too.

Why this pretext? Because that was the gateway into Lisa proper.

I only got Lisa the Painful and Lisa the Joyful after its definitive edition released. At this point, I was pretty well versed in Brad's story - his trauma and pain, the struggles he faces after, the Joy abuse to numb the pain - so when I saw the campfire scenes between Brad and the other party members, especially with members like Terry or Queen Rodger, Bo and Olan, it sparked something there that's for fucking sure.

And then I got to the secret boss.

I'm a dude thar enjoys reading into shit, looking deep at the meaning of written projects be it games, movies, books, etc - Lore is my god damn drug, to put it in a TL:DR.

Seeing this huge call back to Lisa the First, Seeing the symbolism of joy spiders worshipping a Blue Eclipse above Brad's childhood home, fighting the manifestation of Marty Armstrong and reading the deeper, personal stuff that's said afterwards

That song, too, towards the very end of the sequence, with the music that's reminiscent of s church choir singing as Brad's childhood self descends into the darkness

That's what truly sold me on Lisa.

I know everyone has mixed feelings on Lisa the Joyful of course, especially in the way it handled Buddy - Some people were fine with it, and others didn't like the way she became this bloodthirsty girl out to murder shit indiscriminately

I say fair enough honestly, Joyful was a bit of a slog to get through compared to Painful

HOWEVER

There were two things I still enjoyed about it:

One, Dustin. Dustin was and still is the goddest boy despite his own flaws, and I was upset it wasn't explored more before his untimely death. Buddy actually starting to care about him before it all went downhill was tragic in its own right

Two, the DE content. Again, a lot of people were still mixed on it, but personally I saw it as a better expansion into Buddy healing from her trauma, understanding that- while Brad certainly was in the wrong in the way he raised her, he still tried his best in a world that definitely wanted to exploit her in the most horrific ways imaginable.

I'm fine with her even mentioning Lisa cause let's all be real here, she's definitely at least heard of her through Brad in some way, shape or form, and the ending bit where he explains the dead flower to her only reinforces that for me.

The more supernatural side of things feel interesting too, cause maybe it's just me, but reading into things, The Flash always had this sort of supernatural spin to it - how Olathe got so fucked up, how time doesn't seem to be entirely right in some areas or how everything got all mountainous and the likes. Probably just headcanon stuff but fuck it, I enjoy the speculation.

AND NOW, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: LISA THE UNDONE.

So, with that context out of the way, I'll get into my proper thoughts with Lisa: The Undone.

Firstly, again I know not everyone will really agree with the ideas the Definitive Edition put out, especially in the case of Joyful with its Lisa the First callback and Buddy just slamming on Buzzo the way she does. That being said, I love the way Lisa the Undone tackles these ideas Joyful initially set our and explores them more.

The idea of Buddy being less hateful at first, just wanting to genuinely explore the weird and wacky world of Olathe despite its darkness is very welcome. With Dustin especially, this is only amplified.

A lot of the headcanoned and original stuff feel like they can fit right into the base Lisa games too honestly, and that's another thing I really appreciate about this fan gams

But the most important thing to me is the found family relationship between Dustin and Buddy, as well as the two other companions you can recruit.

Dustin is by no means perfect. This is undeniable enough given his actions in Painful and Joyful - He wants to do good, but it becomes a bit of a messiah complex especially for Buddy - who mind you, is only a pubescent kid during all of this shit. This is still translated well in this fan game, just less of a prominent character point - He still wants Buddy to have a good life and to be safe, but there's a clear struggle with seeing her as the Future of Olathe

And seeing her as just Buddy. Just Her.

And the fact that over the time, throughout the chapters, you see Dustin refer to her less as this important figure for the world and more as like a sibling, or just straight up family, that right there is what sells me on this.

Especially towards the end, where depending on your choices in the game, Buddy does eventually admit she can't help but care about people like Dustin.

That hits. That hits a good fucking bit.

And that's what I love to see in this. Sure, it may end with one of the two dying in part 2 of Undone, or depending on your actions it may end with tragedy for either of them

But the fact it works this found family dynamic so God damn well here, with how Buddy and Dustin care for each other AS that family despite Brad's own fuck-ups between the both of them.

Fuck man. It's good, and I hope this fandom explores it more here - especially with DE putting things into an interesting context too.

On a side note, God I also hope it explores DE's Warlord skills mechanics in the future, it's some god damn martial arts shit I love. Sure it may be Mega Man-esque bur god dammit the idea of Buddy learning and incorporating some ideas given from how each Warlord fights is SUCH a good idea and if there's ever a fan game that had Buddy exploring the greater world of Olathe, meeting the likes of Alex Churchland or Beltboy and shit like that, I wanna see her develop her own form of martial arts with or without the katana she's grown accustomed with god dammit.

God, I love Lisa. I love these games as much ad Undertale and Deltarune, and I need to write out some more shit for this series.

Thanks Austin Jorgensen you god damn mad man, and thanks to the Fandom for putting out such genuine bangers.

[pillowspace]

Hi! Hey! Hello! I just finished chapter 7 of Celestial Sundown and oh my! It was fenomenal!

I love that CSDy/n is getting more and more comfy in relationship with sun! They are getting bolder and trust each other more! Sun getting into their room is showing the big progress and trust on both parts! I don't know how CSDy/n but for me to tolerate someone in my room is a big thing. I see it was caused by his anxiety but still its the barrier they crossed one way or the other. It was so lovely and well written, what CSDy/n went through was traumatic and painful but while reading I couldn't stop think about the horrors Sun went through this entire time. If everything is okay with him the prayer should get to him and, correct me if I'm wrong, from what I understood the exact words won't come through It but the feelings and some basic meaning will be send to the God.

Therefore he could easily understood something went terribly wrong, not only that but the prayer suddenly stopped, He is far away, and from what I get without his crown he cannot teleport or manifest in different places. What happened? Are they scared? Hurt? Or maybe it was false alarm! They got scared prayed for him, and then they realised there is no danger so they stopped! But then the other call was sent and I bet If the first didn't, this one send him running. Not only that, the time has passed so he wasn't sure what state they are in, if all this time they were in danger,  but the urgency of the prayer expanded. Did something happened in the house? Was it the woman he showed himself to? Why he can't go any faster? I'm sure at this time he would curse himself out... For needing to see this mural. For not waiting for the morning so they can go with him. For being so weak. If he had his crown he could do something, and now he was useless, couldn't even get to this damn forest as fast as he wanted. He is so slow. Are they hurt? Are they dead? Did the thing that attacked him came back to finish the job and found them instead? He knew them, they wouldn't panic like that over something small. They wouldn't call  him for something small. The terrified calls of their heart  would be fuel for him to keep going. And what would he find getting back? The empty house, with the doors left wide open. He knew something bad happened but for them to leave their beloved belongings exposed like that it was worse then he hoped. And if your shredded blanket covered with human blood, nearby was telling anything it wasn't getting better. They helped him so much, they still are trying to get him home. And he wasn't there. He should have been there. He just had to be emotional again hadn't he? What to do now? Where to go? Their prayers stopped. Is he alone again? He can't locate them. Are they alive? Mortals are fragile, and there is blood nearby but no human, no. The blood of one of his kind, a big puddle. He had to do something, he searched this forest for so long with them, he had to manage! Had to find his friend. And the trail of blood left on trees and ground was the perfect start.

Ajshshs, I'm sorry I just love it so much! Can't wait to see what happens next. The emotions your fic gives me are not from this world, you are so talented and inspiring! I can't get enough of your content. And also you created my hyperfixation of sea slugs! I didn't even know something so pretty existed and in so many forms! Keep up the good work and being amazing! Get yourself a blanket and hot tea you deserved it after blessing us with such a brilliant chapter and so soon!

Sun comfortably being able to enter Y/N's room was something I thought about, but didn't really expect anyone to notice, so I love that you did

I. I. OH MY GODDDDDDD, I JUST READ THE REST OF THE ASK. STARING AT YOU WITH THE WIDEST OF EYES RN. I DRINK YOUR ASK LIKE SOUP !? WOW

Yayyyyy sea slug liker!! YEAH, there is something so wondrous in learning what sea slugs look like. It's like learning magic's real, for me anyway

THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH

[magical-mogai]

my dyke flag.

heya, folks. lilith of magical-mogai here, to talk about something i made. a flag, to be specific.

for the past four years i've struggled with the words lesbian and dyke. at first i felt connected to both! then dyke lost its appeal and i became just a lesbian, and i was... fine with it for a while, i think?

then about two years ago, i started to distance myself from the online queer community. i still had an off-and-on mogai hyperfixation, but i was just so sad, to put it bluntly. i couldn't find where i belonged, even in the community about belonging. even when i made my own labels, i'd never be able to check off all the tiny boxes that made me feel seen. i never was what i expected to be, in any way.

overall i started to slip from labels, as a whole.

i called myself a lesbian in front of my friends who i knew wouldn't get it, but in private i tried the words "queersbian", queer, "lesbiqueer", about every combination i could make without having to call myself a dyke.

then for a while, i just let the question go unanswered. what am i? gay, i guess? i think? i let it be a question, and i found comfort in that.

eventually i came back to the word dyke. and left. then came back again. and again. and again and again and again until i couldn't deny its presence in my identity anymore.

and even then i still did. so i called myself bi for a bit. tried it out, worked through the preconceptions i had of bisexuality, and tried to ignore the weird feeling it always left in my mouth to call myself bi.

i met other queer people in the real world. old trans people, those who dont call themselves anything, a lesbian married to a man, bi girls who only date men, trans men with husbands who call themselves straight, everyone who i at one point (shamefully) tried to recategorize in my brain to fit my view of the world, and i just accepted them as they were.

so eventually, i too tried to accept that i was just bi, but i realized that i was just... wrong. all of a sudden i knew that i was going off a label i THOUGHT should fit, not the one that did.

so i came back to dyke.

and i looked for a dyke flag, something to proudly display on my wall, but found lesbian flags. and gay flags. and queer flags. i didn't find anything i felt myself in.

so i made a flag.

using a light pink, purple, and blue color palette, and featuring two interlocking venus symbols, here it is. my dyke flag.

use it if you want, or don't. or design your own, or don't. make yourself feel seen however you need to.

so here it is. my dyke flag.

maybe in two years i'll come back and laugh and go "wow, she got it WRONG." but for now, here i am. here it is.

my dyke flag.

[staysaneathome]

Since the wonderful @johndead answered some pressing concerns about Martin Care, decided to write a little something set in their universe!

Emil frowned at the creature sat on the countertop before him.

It was short and squat, about the size of a kitten. Its…hair? Fur? Was long and stringy, and matched the rest of its ragged appearance.

Its large eyes stared at him, unblinking and wet.

Emil blinks first, and frowned harder at the creature. His thumb hovered over the contacts in his phone.

Alexa was the most sensible one in the office, and the one most likely to know what this was and tell him with the least fuss, but she also had said when she left work that she and her boyfriend were taking a long weekend to Bath for a romantic getaway, and so any emergencies would have to wait til Monday.

Danny was probably next best, as his hyperfixations meant he could spout off detailed knowledge about any number of random subjects, but if this thing didn’t fall under that umbrella, then he and Emil would both be stumped. He was also still on that urban exploration kick, and might be bowels deep in a sewer somewhere with no phone reception.

Which left…

Emil sighs, then stiffens at the way the creature stared at him, leaning forward slightly.

He didn’t want to have to do this. But desperate times…

He hits the video call button, and waited a few tense minutes for it to ring.

“Hello? Emil, is that you?”

His heart most definitely did not skip a beat at the face filling his screen, peering at him in concern. “Lynn.”

“Hi Emil!” His boss (who he certainly did not have a crush on, shut up) chirped, a smile splitting their face. It wavers slightly. “Um. Not to be rude of anything, but you never call me outside work hours—is something wrong?”

“I got home and found something had got into my flat.” He stated. “I’ve no clue what the hell this thing is. Hold on, I’ll show you.”

He turned the phone around to face the creature. It reared back slightly, wet eyes darting between him and the screen, nose twitching.

Whatever Emil expected to happen, it was not for his boss to let out a small squeal of delight.

“Aw! Hey there buddy, hello! Oh, you’re so little, Emil he’s adorable!”

He raises an eyebrow at the creature, whose fur/hair/whatever was beginning to lift like a cat’s. “If this thing is adorable then I’m about to win Love Island. What is it.”

“Oh, oh right,” Lynn said, sounding flustered. “Well, that’s a Jon! I don’t know as much about them as I do about Martins, but they’re really fascinating creatures! A bit shy and prickly at first, but really quite sweet once you get to know them. I’ve only ever seen them in pet shops before or videos online, where did you find him?”

“I got home and found it drinking water from my sink.” Emil reports, keeping a firm eye on this “Jon” thing. “I must have not turned it off right when I left this morning—Oi. Stop that. Lynn, it’s doing something weird.”

A set of floating, glowing eyes are starting to manifest out of the air surrounding the Jon, staring hard at the phone as it bristles and lets out a low hissing noise.

“Is that the first threat display he’s made?” Lynn asks. “Didn’t he do this when you got in?”

“No,” Emil grits out, crossing the kitchen with a hand hovering over his phone protectively. Thankfully the eyes can’t follow more than a few inches, and the Jon’s hissing died down some, though it still glares imperiously at the phone. “Little bastard just walked over and stared at me the entire time.”

There’s an excited gasp from the other end of the line. “Oh wow, Emil, I think that means he likes you! Most of the videos I’ve watched say that Jons usually do a lot of threat displays to people or animals they’re not sure of. Maybe he thinks you’re a kindred spirit?”

Emil can’t help the scowl and slight flush that comes to his face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He snaps. “It’s not like I’m keeping the damn thing.”

“O-oh.” Lynn’s face falls slightly, before they smile again. Emil steadfastly ignores the pang that sends through him. “That’s fair. Not everyone has time for a pet, I guess. Though I think most shelters might be closed tonight, and I’m not sure if they open on weekends?”

Emil closes his eyes and groans. Great. Just great. Now he has to deal with a little eyeball creep staring at him for potentially two days. How’s he going to make sure it doesn’t get sick or starve during that time? He’s not even sure he has food in for himself.

“I could send you some care instructions, if you like?” Lynn offers tentatively. “There are a few good websites online where I’ve got advice for caring for my Martin before, and I think their basic needs are similar—wide, shallow bowls for food and water, soft materials for nesting in, plenty of space and enrichment, that sort of thing. There might be some differences though, because I know my Martin loves poetry—”

As if on cue, the Jon hisses loudly at the word “poetry”, it’s fur standing on end and several glowing eyes (plus one tape recorder) popping into existence around it.

“Fucking—!” Emil rears back.

“Sorry! Sorry, I shouldn’t have said the p word!” Lynn apologizes. “Yeah, there are loads of videos online of people putting a book of K-E-A-T-S behind their Jon to make him jump or start mauling it. It’s really not nice for the little guys, but I suppose since it gets their owners views they think—”

“Lynn.” Emil interrupts, before his boss can go off on another tangent about ethical treatment of pets on social media. “Just, just send me the links. Please.”

“Alright!” Lynn chirps. “I’ve also got some old stuff I had that my Martin didn’t end up using, like a carrier and toys and stuff. Would you like me to give them a wash, bring them over to see if Jon likes them?”

“Sure.” Emil says, without thinking. “Why not. I’ll be in all weekend.”

“Great!” Lynn looks almost nervous, smiling at him. “I’ll send the links and see you tomorrow then?”

It finally clicks in Emil’s brain that he’s just invited his boss (his crush) over to his place to try and help him wrangle a weird eyeball creature.

Rather than say anything sensible to abort the situation, Emil instead chokes out. “Y-yeah. I’ll send you the address. See you.”

They beam at him, and then their picture vanishes with a small bloop.

Emil puts his phone down on the countertop.

Then he promptly sits on the floor, puts his head into his knees, and screams mentally.

What was he thinking?! Sure he can just about survive during the workday, when there’s a veil of professionalism between them, and Danny and Alexa besides, but coming around to his flat?! In casual clothes, with their glow-in-the-dark nail polish and their general personality in his space?! Alone?!

He’s done for. Doomed. He may as well quit now, he’s so sure he’s going to embarrass himself and make them hate him and screw everything up forever.

There’s a weird pitter-patter sound, interrupted by small vibrations.

When he looks up, he sees the Jon is staring meaningfully down at him.

He heaves a bigger sigh. “Can’t I have a crisis in peace?”

That only makes the Jon’s eyes grow bigger and wetter, almost hungry-looking. Apparently not.

He gets to his feet and unlocks his phone. Alongside all the links Lynn has texted, they’ve also sent a picture of a much rounder, more ascetically pleasing creature in glasses, blinking happily at the camera from a nest of shredded paper, wool and scraps of fabric, and teabags.

The caption under it says “Martin says to say hello! :D”

He holds the picture up to the Jon, ready to pull it away at the first sign of hissing or floating eyes. “See this? This is cute. What do you have to say for yourself, huh?”

The Jon leans towards the screen, nose twitching, eyes wet and huge and unblinking.

It reaches out a paw and rests it against the shoulder of the Martin-picture. Then it leans its head against it.

Emil ends up slowly letting go of his phone until it is lying flat on the table again for the Jon to curl up on it.

Its unblinking eyes slide closed. It begins to make a rusty sound, almost like a cat’s purr, if a bit more…mechanical maybe? A tape recorder running, perhaps.

Emil reaches out to try and pick the phone up.

The purring stops. One eye opens and stares at him.

“Or not.” He scrubs a hand through his hair. “Hell, you’re just as hopeless as me, aren’t you.”

The Jon’s eye closes and he begins purring again at a louder rate.

Emil huffs a breath of laughter. Still. If he’s not getting his phone back soon, he’d better try and get started on the things Lynn told him about so they don’t arrive tomorrow and find he’s somehow managed to kill the Jon.

Wide shallow bowls for water, for a start…

[k1rameki]

THE TIME HAS COME EVERYONE. ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY EXTENSIVE LIST OF TABI HEADCANONS (hcs are under the cut plus this also counts as a little debrief of his human design bc jesus christ i put so much effort into making this man's design it went through a LOT of trial and error before settling on what i got now considering ive gradually made him less and less "human")

also quick thing b4 i proceed – please please PLEASE ask before making things w my tabi design bc ive seen a rlly cool papercraft made w/o my knowledge and that was kinda sucky so ya thats around it (other than the basics of no nsfw and such)

APPEARANCE HCS

first and foremost — hes half japanese because i remember his aside counterpart being japanese iirc and i thought that was really cool and wanted to implement that into my own little hc (also he speaks like a dozen languages bc of another thing i'll go into detail with in a bit

so many different facial features, scarring (theres a very elaborate reason for this tbh), moles, freckles, etc all bc why not?? (freckles is primarily bc of my bestie crow and now im obsessed)

lashes bc why not, give every man a pair of lashes i think theyre pretty

PIERCINGS. so many piercings. this is primarily because i am a very firm believer that tabi gets piercings done because he wants to feel human again so he finds comfort in decorating himself as much as possible for that reason and also the aesthetic

broken horn bc of the mod events, damage beyond repair and whatnot

HE HAS LONG HAIR BC I SAID SO ‼️‼️ i figured considering he's been invisible for so long he never really knew what to do when it came to cutting his hair, so eventually it grew out to around his waist, and he kept that hairstyle ever since (he prefers wearing his hair in a ponytail or smth bc sensory issues when it comes to hair touching his skin)

a lot of tater's hcs infected my brain hehehehehe especially the tail and his hands still being what they were when they were cursed (also. paw beans. /vpos)

HES TRANS ‼️‼️ hes also very dumb and has very little regard for his health and forgets to take his binder off a lot (trust me he gets scolded a lot for that)

GENERAL HCS

hes autistic and has adhd — the autism hc i lowkey stole from crow but the adhd hc ive had for a long long while now — one of his lifelong special interests is performing arts and musicals

chronic insomniac — sleep? never heard of her

plays like 5 different instruments but primarily specialises in piano and guitar

safe food is anything sweet or chocolatey — he has a massive sweet tooth and is obsessed w cookies and pastries in particular which ayana baked for him a lot (ill prolly make a whole other post for her in the near future but guys. pastry chef aya. hear me out)

an absolute boss at board games, especially monopoly, and he constantly loves screwing everyone over

extremely hyperfixated on pokemon and owns a bajillion folders filled with cards worth a buttload of money, and a dozen plushies + figurines (projecting bc pokemon is one of my hyperfixes dont judge me) his fav gen is absolutely johto

his eyesight is pretty bad but like. not bad enough for him to be needing glasses (unlike a certain someone cough cough agoti)

speaking of said certain someone, he and agoti do each other's hair a lot simply because its really fun and provides some stimulation, and also because it helps tabi practice with self care and such

VERY SENSITIVE TO SOUND AND TEXTURES, often times he will probably start crying if something sounds or feels wrong

sometimes he forgets certain words in english and has to resort to using what theyre called in russian

has the goofiest sounding laugh ever and i will die on this hill. when you get tabi cackling he will start rolling on the floor and making the most UNGODLY sounds

can speak like 6 languages fluently and a dozen others in simple conversation (NERD ALERT)

he sucks so hard at writing essays but is (for some reason) really good at maths

despite being the more serious one among his group of friends, tabis a dumbass and does a lot more stupid things than one would expect

[onlyhereforghosttrick]

A bit of a simple question, but is there any piece of media (movie, game, writing, music, etc) you think is underated/more people should know about (or that you just realy recommend). Feel free to answer with more than one if you want to.

I don't know how to determine if something is underrated so uh- prepare for an onslaught of hyperfixations from the past couple years (mostly video games (and even more so DS games as it turns out)).

Ghost Trick

I don't know how to accurately depict how much this one has influenced me. It gave me my love for foreshadowing in twists. And clever gameplay integrated with the story. And flashbacks. And non-linear stories in general. Just one problem: I can't say anything about This game without spoiling just SO much of it. By calling two characters by their accurate name, you can spoil the final twists of the game, so I have to walk a delicate balance I mostly just didn't bother with when recommending the game. Well, this is your push to play it. (It got a remaster last year, which would be the most accessible way to play it, but if you don't mind a bit if illegality or overpricedness, the original release is always an option.)

Professor Layton

One of the less significant interests of mine, it's like a puzzle game mixed with a point and click adventure where you have to solve a bunch of miniature logic, sliding, counting, or other puzzles to progress, ton of fun, would recommend. It's getting its seventh entry soon [despite the alleged 'no further plans for games here in the west' or whatever], and it looks really cool! Might end up checking it out when it releases... sadly, most of the series is relegated to the mobile ports so that's the only place you're really able to find them, aside from their original ds or 3ds games. [keep in mind, I might just be unaware of some obscure ports.]

Ace Attorney

Ace attorney is probably the one the most people will actually know about, this being a visual novel puzzle series where you work out logical contradictions in a courtroom setting to save clients from false convictions. Currently serves as one of the main inspiration for my current biggest project [which I admittedly don't have enough written to link here]. Arguably the easiest to play the full series of thanks to the recent collections coming out, spinoffs included.

The world ends with you

Twewy is one of the most recent inspirations on this list, following an amnesiac teenager through a week-long game of life and death. I haven't played the sequel in a while [and I can't anymore, thanks PS plus], so I don't exactly have enough info left to judge it, but the original is hectic multitasking at its peak. ...on the DS. I don't have final remix, so I can't testify as to its quality, although with how it kind of looks to me like they butchered the original's quirkiness thanks to the lack of dual screens, my recommendation would be to play the original on DS, then watch the cutscenes of A New Day [a story epilogue exclusive to Final Remix that preludes NEO] in a youtube video. Maybe I'm wrong about the butchering though- keep in mind, this opinion comes from a guy who think the ghost trick title screen in the remake was worsened by the addition of music. [mainly because it's not even original music, just the main theme- but that rant can wait for another day.]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon

This one. Ho boy this one. The biggest influence in a while when it comes to executing non-linear storytelling and compelling characters. It took a while for me to find it and a bit longer to see the appeal, and boy was it worth it. Chances are if you find this blog, much less this post, you already know about pmd, but if you somehow don't, then allow me to recommend you play one of them, because trust me when I say they're ALL worth a try. [I haven't played super yet and I don't plan to play rescue team so I can't quite testify to those, but explorers and gates from my experience have all been pretty good with gameplay and excellent with story.]

Pokemon Adventures

Yes, another pokemon recommendation. No, I swear this is different. There's a chance you've at least heard of this without knowing the name. This being the manga where all the weirdly dark stuff happens, right? You know, like 6 of the unovan gym leaders being CRUCIFIED? [No, really.] While this manga is practically infamous for its content, as you might now, but I swear it's worth a read for the actual character it has, which is usually better than the games themselves at storytelling. And honestly, I'm glad ScarVi learned what made a good story, that being having actual characters involved rather than cardboard cutouts. ...Just a shame the game is tripping over its own feet half the time.

Ultrakill

This is a fun one, and I'm surprised not too many people know about it- basically, Ultrakill is a Devil May Cry-inspired First Person Shooter, where you play as a blood-fueled robot blasting his way through hell, where the whole game is designed to be as fast-paced as possible. If that sounds remotely interesting to you, I'd highly recommend you give it a try.

Kingdom Hearts

Kingdom hearts, yes, the infamous crossover between disney and final fantasy. Some might argue this doesn't count as underrated, but 1. Did you hear me or not? I said I didn't know how to qualify if something is underrated, so... and 2. I feel like people really only know that Kingdom hearts has a weirdly told story and that very few people actually KNOW that story. So yeah, I'd recommend giving the story a chance if you can- just make sure to pay attention to DDD specifically, because A LOT of people get tripped up there. Oh, and for the mobile games [which yes they are important why do you think this series got the reputation it did], the official source isn't great- watch a fandub instead.

Jhariah

A pretty indie artist I listen to sometimes, great for if your prefered type of music is 'the bpm is a higher number than there are atoms in the known universe'. Some personal favorites of mine are Fire4Fun, Risk! Risk! Risk!, and Re:Concerns.

Rhythm Heaven

Rhythm heaven is one of the more obscure games on this list, but it's a good one- basically just a collection of rhythm minigames without any throughline whatsoever, and it's a ton of fun- but also REALLY HARD. Its last entry was Megamix on the 3DS, but it had entries on the DS, GBA, and Wii. Megamix was more a 'best of' compilation for the series to that point, so if you can only get one of them, get Megamix- even if it is by FAR the hardest to get [legitemately] due to the lack of physical releases in most regions.

Sorry this took so long to get done! Hope the answer is satisfactory.

[solarpunkani]

Sonic the Hedgehog and Solarpunk Ideals

Alright, it's June 23rd which means not only is it Solarpunk Aesthetic Week, but it's also Sonic the Hedgehog's 32nd birthday. Let's all say Happy Birthday Sonic the Hedgehog.

Overall, that means it's time for me to do something I usually don't do on this blog--talk about Sonic the Hedgehog, one of my favorite series of all times. Specifically, how I feel it embodies Solarpunk at least a little bit. Hopefully you'll see where I'm coming from by the end of this.

Real quick though, special shout out to @modern-solarpunk for being my beta reader 100/10 owe you my life.

Alright let’s make one thing clear. I’m a Sonic nerd. I’ve been a Sonic nerd since at least the 5th grade. Sonic the hedgehog is one of My Things. IDK if I’d call it a hyperfixation, but it’s definitely one of My Things, and it’s been one of My Things longer than gardening or even Solarpunking and all the other stuff y’all know me for has been. I am about to talk y’alls ears off. Buckle up.

With that in mind, I’m not going to pretend that the Sonic franchise is a perfect franchise made by perfect people working under a perfect corporation. Even ignoring the timeline disasters, retconning, and rushed projects (*cough cough Sonic 06 and Sonic Boom cough cough*), Sonic the Hedgehog is made by a corporation in a capitalistic world who has done some… iffy things in the past, present, and likely the future. We are, here, today, strictly talking about two things--the creation of Sonic and the creation of Dr. Eggman. There will be a super special third topic I bring up later, but that's gonna be its own post. I’ll bring up a handful of things from the shows, comics, movies, etc. If I finish writing and editing and posting this whole lengthy diatribe and someone ignores this paragraph and brings up some inane unrelated shit that the Big Corporation Guys did That One Time Months/Years Ago I might snap. Yes, corporations are bad. Yes, I like Sonic. Let’s establish that.

Ok let’s actually get started.

Sonic the Hedgehog the Dude, Tiny Rebellions, and Freedom

Alright, so Sonic the Hedgehog is a series of games, movies, comic books, TV shows--it's a whole thing, it's an entire franchise. The basics of what you need to know here is that a little 3’3” superpowered anthropomorphic blue hedgehog dude and his array of equally-animalian and equally-colorful friends are ruining the robotics-based evil world takeover plans of a 6’1” egg-shaped human dude on the regular. Occasionally, there are other villains, and other storylines, and sometimes the motivations change, but that sentence boils down the Sonic the Hedgehog storyline to its base essentials. 

The Sonic franchise was dreamed up in 1990 when SEGA needed a new mascot to compete with Nintendo’s iconic Mario. Personality-wise, he’s said to have been inspired by “a modern sensibility of wanting to get things done right away, righting wrongs as they presented themselves instead of letting them linger.” As we currently know him, with Sonic “What you see is what you get--just a guy who loves adventure.” He’s a free-spirited drifter who goes with the flow, valuing freedom above all else and wanting nothing more than to live by his own rules and whims rather than bowing to the expectations of others. He loves interacting with the many cultures on his planet (which we mostly see in Sonic Unleashed, but still), trying local dishes with friends frequently. Overall, Sonic is driven by a strong sense of justice and fairness, fighting for the ideal of freedom rather than the name of the law--and he always fights for the underdog. He likes to handle things on his own, but he isn’t above looking to his friends for help when needed--and acknowledges their role in his life and achievements regularly (if he can be a bit smug at times). He appreciates scenic views and nature, with a special fondness for places filled with plants--we see him do this lots in the series--and he hates when people destroy it for their own gain. He doesn’t hate cities, though, and finds they have their own beauty.

So what’s Solarpunk about this? In my eyes, a good bit. If you don’t know what Solarpunk is, it’s described on Wikipedia as ‘a literary and artistic movement that envisions and works towards actualizing a sustainable future interconnected with nature and community.” Aesthetically, I like to describe it as a mix between sci-fi and cottagecore, with a particular leaning towards some steampunk and some cyberpunk elements, but in a brighter, cleaner, more hopeful way. It's important to note, however, that Solarpunk is also a practical and political action mindset--as much as Solarpunks dream of a hopeful future and work to visualize it, we also work to learn the concepts and take the actions needed to make it a reality. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that Sonic is super politically revolutionary, I’m here to talk about how Sonic fits into the aesthetics of Solarpunk.

As such, lets get into the point--I feel like Sonic is pretty Solarpunk, personality-wise. He just fits a lot of the core tenants--wants to right wrongs ASAP, whether they’re his wrongs or wrongs of the past. He values freedom, traveling, and beautiful natural places--a big chunk of Solarpunk is learning to appreciate and protect the natural species around you, and plenty of people have dreamed up nomadic Solarpunk societies. Even Sonic living by his own rules instead of bowing to expectations fits in Solarpunk--A Solarpunk Manifesto states that “the ‘punk’ in Solarpunk is about rebellion, counterculture… and enthusiasm. it is about going in a different direction than the mainstream…” People in the Solarpunk movement care deeply about freedom, justice, fairness, and fixing the broken systems we deal with today--and often start the legwork by forming or taking part in community-based movements and initiatives. We lean onto those around us for strength and courage, to work as a group to think of solutions to problems, whether that be something small like trading DIY patch instructions to bigger things like planning and creating community gardens to even sharing news about unionizing and more. There’s acts a Solarpunk can do alone--like guerrilla gardening, or moss graffiti, or drawing and writing concepts of a brighter future--but we all know we’re at our strongest when we’re not just one, but many. 

But one of my biggest arguments to Sonic being Solarpunk actually centers around his nemesis--Doctor Eggman.

Doctor Eggman as the Antithesis of Solarpunk

After all, it’s pretty hard to talk about how a hero of a series is Solarpunk without discussing the people and forces he fights against, and most of the time that’s Doctor Ivo Robotnik--better known to most as Dr. Eggman. He was developed more or less directly alongside Sonic the hedgehog, and as such the notes about his creation not only influence his character, but the character and vibe of most of the franchise so far. So who is Doctor Eggman?

Doctor Eggman is often described as the World’s Vilest Person--he’s evil, mean, cruel-spirited, and a self-proclaimed genius scientist who only really thinks about what he wants and what he needs to do to get it--getting pleasure in crushing anything that gets in his way. His main goal is to establish his Eggman Empire across the entire planet and build his own version of a utopia, Eggmanland--usually taking the form of a polluted, smog-filled city or a robotic theme park. His plans have varied from excavating natural spaces and turning woodland creatures into robotic slaves (Sonic 1, 2, 3), using doomsday devices to threaten nations and blow up the moon (Sonic Adventure 2), tie down planets for his own purposes (Sonic CD, Sonic Colors), or even using cosmic forces beyond his comprehension to flood metropolises or literally rip the planet apart (Sonic Adventure, Sonic Unleashed). In the comics and some shows, he even takes it a step further--a common theme with him is Roboticization, wherein people are forcibly turned from organic beings into robot slaves. Sometimes its a machine fulfilling this sometimes-irreversible process (Archie Comics, Sonic the Hedgehog Cartoon, Sonic Underground), while other times its an all-consuming virus that grows out of his control and turns almost the entire planet into raving robotic zombies (IDW Sonic Comics issues #12-29). He’s fueled by delusions of grandeur, believing that all of the world’s problems would be solved if he specifically were in charge of everyone all the time and had things his way, and makes robotic inventions and weapons to obtain power. He’s overflowing with self-confidence and pride, highlighting his ‘scientific genius’ whenever he can. He’ll leave temporary allies to rot if it gives him a chance to take all the credit and power for  himself, he looks down on everyone else and sees them as insignificant, only interested in what benefits him. Fairness and community? With Doctor Eggman? Forget it, he’ll steal candy from a baby and then turn it into a robot if given the chance. And even with robotic helpers he makes himself, he quickly gets sick of them--Eggman doesn’t do friends. 

I’d compare him to Elon Musk, but at least Dr. Eggman is actually a genius.

A Solarpunk Manifesto was published in 2019, describing Solarpunk as “A movement in speculative fiction, art, fashion, and activism that seeks to answer and embody the question ‘what does a sustainable civilization look like, and how can we get there?’”. Eggmanland is not how we get there--Doctor Eggman is an embodiment of everything the Solarpunk ideology stands against, and not entirely by accident. Here’s a quote from Yuji Naka, one of the creators of Sonic the Hedgehog.

“Robotnik was created to be the opposite of Sonic, and to be the bad guy. At that time, there was opposition between "developers" and "environmentalists", and Robotnik was created to represent machinery and development.”

He represents it pretty well--his common motifs are imperialism and pollution, and his version of a utopia is often reminiscent of pre-EPA photos of US cities. Sometimes its done to a cartoonish level--but the point still stands. Whenever we catch glimpses of Eggman’s ‘Home Bases,’ whether its Scrap Brain Zone in Sonic 1, Chemical Plant in Sonic 2, Metallic Madness in Sonic CD, or elsewhere, we’re always seeing tons of mechanization, smog, pollution, and death robots.

Solarpunks aren’t opposed to technology--not in the slightest. But I feel its safe to say that any Solarpunk would be opposed to the over-industrialized, hyper-mechanized, pollution-riddled empire hellscape that Eggman would call heaven. (And you know damn well he'd be all over those Boston Dynamic robot dogs if he were real). To me, Eggman represents the grim-dark futures that apocalyptic stories tell us we’re barreling towards--the darker, less sunny side of the already dystopian cyberpunk genre. Solarpunk is the sun that burns away at smoggy futures, the light that reveals what we can have instead, the ideas that lead to actions to secure it. Its hope in a bottle--hope that we can enjoy and add to, a dream that we can help make into a reality. The ideals are chock full of resisting the real-life Eggmans who want to send humanity into a nose-dive of mechanization and energy-burning self-destruction for the sake of short-lived profits and smug ego-trips. 

Is Sonic a strictly Solarpunk series? I wouldn’t necessarily say so. But I think if the themes and terms had existed in 1990, it certainly would have been cited as a bit of an inspiration. Whether the Solarpunk community would have been chill with a corporation citing the term as inspiration is a whole other deal.

Stay tuned for this posts' sequel, where I talk about how I feel my favorite game in the series--Sonic Colors--is Solarpunk.

[themostsanebug]

vent/rant below cut just keep scrolling if you'd prefer not to read that cause ive been debating on makin another one of these for a while now!!

gif for anyone who would prefer to scroll by!!

jesus my life really has to be a rollercoaster huh? if it isn't one thing it's another. the pressure on my grades dies down but then the pressure of the stupid fucking brain fog kicks up. brain fog sucks. SUCKS. it genuinely feels like someone has piled a bunch of rocks onto my frontal lobe. its heavy and muffled and it's so fucking annoying to deal with.

all of my emotions feel like they're drowning under a fucking ocean that i can't seem to dig them out of unless i'm around certain people or i have a hyperfixation where all of my emotions actually have something to rely on to stay the same. but craving a hyperfixation makes me feel like i'm being insensitive after seeing how many people complain about the cons of having them.

uhm,, moving on from that specific topic, i am. one bad day away from sinking my teeth back into my fuckin arms. or takin a pencil back to flesh who fuckin knows. so many things are going wrong maybe doing that'll help. i remember doing that used to help me feel better last school year maybe it will again?

im just. so tired. i dont want to be dead but it'd be so much easier if i could sleep until im 18 and move out. i just want as much freedom as i can get. im so done with this back and forth with my dad and trying and failing to stand up for myself and getting yelled at by my stepmom for no real fucking reason. im so tired of getting called lazy for not wanting to do certain school related activities even though i have TOLD them im burnt out. im tired of feeling defensive even when im at my moms. my mom literally asked me not to try and end myself when i move.

uh,, that's about it!! ill be back to silly posting soon i promise im just,, eeeehhhhgg,,,,,,

[skullduggeryandfilibuster]

Everyone Gets Synonyms Wrong

Warning: This take may be considered hot. Viewer discretion is advised.

I was thinking about making this a mini video essay, and hey, maybe someday I will, or perhaps it'll be apart of a larger video essay on word choice, but for now, I'm putting my thoughts here.

One of the most useful tools at a writer's disposal is a thesaurus. When first introduced to them in 2nd Grade (because it had to be), I wrote it off as a gimmick. "Oh you can find words that mean the same thing as other words? Neat. Moving on." Once I got into writing their use became immediately apparent.

I, like pretty much all writers, am sometimes insecure about the use of repetitive words or phrases in my work. Maybe it was an English teacher, or friend, or beta reader, or even yourself, that first pointed out, "Damn, the word, "pottery," shows up five times in the same paragraph."

It can sound clunky. Repetitive use of a word is kinda like the prose equivalent of rhyming a word with itself. But we can't use a completely different word. If the thing we're referring to is pottery, then it's pottery. We can't call it a sketchbook or a trackpad.

And Thus We Turn to the Thesaurus.

Here, we can find synonyms: words that share the same definition as our word, but are different, so the prose reads with better variety without losing its general meaning. We can say "china," or "crockery," or "ceramics," or "ware," or if I'm referring to pottery in an archaeological context, I can use "fragments," or "sherds," which fun fact, is the technical term for ancient pottery shards. "Shards," is also appropriate.

I don't know when the floodgates were opened, but at some point they were, as waves of synonym lists poured into writing communities. Mad men running into the town square before sunrise, screaming, "Said is dead! And we have killed it!"

"Words to use instead of said!" "Words to use instead of angry!" "Words that pertain to grief!" "Words that pertain to joy!" "Words about nature!" "Words about cities!"

I Hate This; I Hate These Lists.

First: the entire point of a thesaurus is that its use is case by case. You don't have an entire catalogue of synonyms for the word "fear," in the back of your head ready to go: when you're in the middle of writing and that word comes up, that's when you pull up a thesaurus. It'd be like memorizing your entire car manual, not because your car broke down, but just cause. Obviously there's nothing wrong with knowing alternative words for 'fear' off the top of your head, don't conflate me. But these "synonym lists," are more restrictive and less applicable to your specific, current writing than a thesaurus. What do these lists have that a thesaurus doesn't?

Second: most people don't know how to use a thesaurus, because they don't know the point of synonyms.

I didn't either, not for a while. I thought synonyms were like different versions of the same product: "you can get this lunchbox in red, OR in green!" Then I read "Politics and the English Language," by George Orwell, which forever changed not just how I saw synonyms, but how I write and see writing. If writing is something that even slightly interests you, you should absolutely read that essay.

But Orwell doesn't talk about synonyms there. So how did it change how I saw them? Well, the change was a byproduct of the change of perspective--and soon-to-be hyperfixation--on word choice.

I'm not gonna go into it, because like I said at the beginning, my thoughts on word choice can and maybe will fill a whole-ass video essay. For the purposes of this essay (as I suppose it can be called), know this: every word you choose to include, or not include, in your writing is a deliberate choice whether you know it or not, so be deliberate.

I've beaten around the bush enough, so I'll drop the thesis statement: Synonyms are not "alternatives," to a given word: they are different words entirely.

Part of you may find that redundant, and another may find it silly. "Well duh, obviously the words, "forest," and "woods," aren't literally the same word, but they mean the same thing."

No, they don't. Synonyms are words that possess the same or similar definition, not the same meaning.

Let me use an example to better show what I'm talking about. Let's look at three synonyms: 'Dumb' 'Stupid' 'Idiot' These words possess similar definitions: something or someone pertaining to low intelligence. But a word is more than its definition.

A word is also its context, its phonetics, its rhythm, and its emphasis. A word is its connotations and a word is its tone.

'Dumb,' is simple and playful. There's little weight behind it. It's a dismissal or a tease; a hand wave or a jest. 'Stupid,' is harsher. It's more likely to be used in an actively insulting manner. It doesn't end in a soft '-um,' sound, but a hard and sudden 'd.' 'Idiot,' is harshest. It's not just that the action was not a smart one, but the person who did it is inherently unintelligent. Their person, their character, is an idiot.

You may argue this is semantics.

Yes.

What I'm describing is literally the point of semantics.

Granted, it's not the end of the world if you used 'stupid,' when 'dumb' would be more appropriate. You're the writer, if you determined that 'stupid' is more appropriate than 'dumb,' then it is. Simple as that. But please ask yourself: "Is 'stupid,' actually more appropriate, or am I just insecure about already using the word 'dumb?' "

Again, it's not the end of the world--but does something need to be in order to incorporate it? Does something need to be life or death, or make or break your story, before you consider including it in how you write?

Perhaps I should emphasize just how different a sentence can be with the right words.

I'll use an Extreme Example. Look at This Sentence:

"The group moved through the city."

That's pretty vague, but watch what happens when I swap out the words:

"The pack stalked the streets." "The parade danced around the block."

These sentences are describing the same thing: more than one thing and/or person, together, moving locations within an urban environment. But you might not have even registered that, because the tone between these sentences are so blatantly different.

"Pack," has connotations of predatory animals--wolves, coyotes, dogs--and if the "pack," in question is describing people, it paints them in a much more feral and inhuman light. "Stalk," is an act taken during a hunt: the predator is hidden from you, you can't see it, but it knows where you are, and it won't stop following. Even "streets," changes the connotations of the sentence. In most big cities, streets are the most prevalent "public space," and they're just thin lines of concrete and pavement snaking between the walls of buildings. The biggest public space in the city--the only place one must go through to move, or escape--is occupied.

"Parade," on the other hand, is an event. It's a festival, one where people gather together to celebrate something with big floats and colorful streamers. "Dance," is, well, dancing, but when used to describe movement between locations, it takes on more specific connotations: the movement is that of merriment, of playing and running and shouting and teasing and celebrating. "Block," can be a communal space. They can be their own micro-ecosystems of apartments and bodegas, with friends and neighbors knowing and supporting each other. The parade might be a yearly thing, but "block parties," are a more common event.

You may argue I'm extrapolating additional meaning behind 'streets,' and 'blocks,' but I'm not. If you don't want to extrapolate additional meaning as the reader, that's your god given right. But you can't make that claim of me, the writer. Streets and blocks are different the way oceans and islands are different. I deliberately choose 'streets;' I deliberately choose 'blocks.' I could've used a different word. I did not. Mark Twain puts it better:

"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

Do you see why I hate those lists?--"Words to use instead of death." "Words to use instead of quiet."--The process of writing is figuring out how best to communicate to the reader a given thing or experience. Those lists don't know what story you're writing, only you do. Granted, neither does a thesaurus. A hammer doesn't know you're making a table, but that doesn't mean the hammer isn't a useful tool. A thesaurus is a tool. You may classify those lists as tools as well, but again, what can they do that a thesaurus can't do but better?

A Thesaurus is Inherently More Versatile. Those Lists are a Gimmick.

If you think those lists and posts are useful, more power to you. But I doubt they actually are. I may be wrong here--I may be speaking from bias--but has anyone's specific writing--a story they were actively creating--actually improved--genuinely--because they felt like they used 'said,' too much, and looked on Tumblr for an alternative? I can think of many times in my own writing, when I was trying to conjure a specific experience--evoke a specific feeling--and had trouble finding the right word. The word "forest," or whatever word was giving me trouble, just didn't have the connotations I wanted. So I whipped out my thesaurus, looked through it for a while, and found, "foliage," which was more suited for the sentence I was making.

And what of repetitiveness? What if the problem isn't that you can't find the right word, but you're using the same word too much? To be frank, if you're having an issue with repetition, it probably doesn't mean you're using the same word too much, it probably means you're describing the same thing too much. Don't describe the forest as a list of things it pertains: "The forest had large boulders. The river that flows within the forest was clear. The flowers of the forest were bright." Describe the things themselves. Describe the boulders, describe the river, describe the flowers. Miss the forest for the trees. The forest and a blade of grass are connected, but they are different objects entirely. Not unlike synonyms.

The craft of writing should ultimately be fun, and if you truly find it to be so, let me tell you that picking the first word that sounds nice from a predetermined list and moving on will never be as enjoyable as constructing your sentence. It's the difference between buying a portrait and painting one. It's the difference between the almost right word and the right one; the lightning bug and the lightning.