#these moods are so much harder bc in fandoms when i get like this other people can relate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

virmillion · 2 years

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ragt rambling :/

so this is. DEFINITELY. because i just watched the good place s3e6 again and it ALWAYS gets me because of who i am and where i'm at as a person but. i really think i might up and die if you gave rough a sibling. i think sister, because that's easier (and statistically you should probably have at least one cis character that's not a parent). i also think it should be a younger sister. i think rough's parents loved him, but they were bad at it. they were bad at being parents, and they were inexperienced, because being a parent is hard, and even though they had good intentions, it still sucked. it sucked for rough, and no matter how much they wanted to do good, that doesn't fix how much they fucked him up.

but then they had a second kid. a girl, a beautiful baby girl, planned and wanted and perfect. where rough was an accident, something to be worked around as they tried to learn how to be parents before they were truly adults, this girl was planned. im calling her emily for now, exclusively because unsaid emily always makes me cry, but also a little bit bc of the kid in the drew gooden video about the christmas mail movie, which i can recite from memory.

so along comes emily, and she's perfect and amazing and everything rough wasn't and isn't. their parents dote on her, because they learned from their mistakes. they lavish her with attention and gifts and driving to the after-school clubs - she's in all the sports, all the extracurriculars, they buy her all the pieces to all the hobbies she picks up every other week. rough is in the photography club. sometimes he gets some spare cash, which he socks away to eventually buy a better camera than the one that comes in his phone.

and he loves her, he really does. it's impossible not to, she's so nice and genuine and sincere in everything she does, she couldn't tell a lie if she wanted to. she doesn't get the perfect grades, but she works hard for B's and gets praised for an honest effort from every teacher. rough wishes he could hate her, and he wishes he could hate his parents for doing this to him, but it's no one's fault. it's not even his own fault, so there's no fair way for him to be mad at anyone, this is just how things are, and what can he even do about it! he's here, and he's a little fucked up, and emily's here, too, and she's with him, and she doesn't care that he's a little fucked up, because she loves him anwyay!! they don't get each other, rough wouldn't know the first thing about getting her, because her world is so alien from his own, despite the two being parallel

and then rough dies, and emily is alone. and really, what difference has there been before now, in her being an only child who happened to have a roommate? things are hard at first, and she misses her brother, and everyone is so understanding, but no one lashes out at her, or gets mad at her for doing the same. everyone understands that she's confused about her feelings, and that's worse, because what does she do with that? what do either of them do with that?

and she doesn't even know that rough is still there. rough is always there, because it's never been fair that he was loved, and that wasn't enough. it wasn't, and now it never will be, because there's nowhere for his parents to put that love but straight back into emily. and although emily doesn't know it, when she goes to the store and she buys the polaroid camera rough coveted and she takes pictures of everything, as if that might bring him back, rough is in all those pictures. he interrupts the dust motes spiraling through the light from the window, he nudges his littlest pet shop figures to be unaligned, and when emily finally turns the camera on herself, he's there, too, forcing a grin from over her shoulder and wishing she knew. she doesn't, of course. the newest picture prints, and she's a little bit out of focus, the camera instead choosing to zero in on the space behind her. she folds this picture up and keeps it in her pocket and sleeps in rough's bed that night, and he sits against the side and sorts all the pictures she took, spreads them out for her to see when she wakes up, because that's all he can do for either of them.

he doesn't know how to miss his parents, and he's not sure they do, either. he knows how to miss his sister, though, because he's been doing it all his life. he puts his swimming goggles around the camera when he leaves

#hello night lab #r&t #r&t: scene #r&t: r #r&t: e #HELLO EMILY WELCOME TO THE TAG FAMILY #IM CRYING BTW. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF WHY DID I REWATCH THIS SHOW #i KNOW how i get about family dynamics i KNOW. i know. why the FUCK did i let myself do this #...no one talk to me. google says emily might come from latin for 'rival' do NOT fucking talk to me oh my god im in SHAMBLES #alright im sold. emily was a jokey placeholder name but its permanent now babey #i didnt even know if i was set on giving rough a sibling but HERE WE ARE :////////#unfortunately this means i need to learn how it feels to be an older sibling and not the younger one. whoops #im lying btw please talk 2 me about this bs. oh my god #these moods are so much harder bc in fandoms when i get like this other people can relate #but IM the one that has to create the source material about which i am getting like this #anyway. live laugh love

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tendous-whore · 3 years

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Ur naoya fic had me shook tho, I literally had to make a new account to send this request bc my mutuals on my main have no idea I’m into smut fics lmao (Dw tho I’m not a minor, age is in my blog desc.).

If you’re accepting requests…nanami and breeding kink pls. I love how the fandom has like decided that he has one lol, I see him as the type to *seem* vanilla buuuuuut he can actually be rough (everything is consensual tho). But that dom side of him only comes out when he’s sleeping with someone he makes a commitment to. Sorry for rambling. I’m looking forward to whatever you have to share next!!

you are the first person to send me an ask so far (which are ALWAYS open btw) so you have no idea how much I smiled when reading your message 🥺

when i woke up to read some jjk fics today, I was so shocked at how many people liked my naoya x reader!!!? it’s so weird that people enjoy my work, especially since it’s my very 1st explicit fic!

ANWAYS nanami is one of my fav characters, aside from naoya, for reasons other than both of them being goDAMN SNACKs😤 so definitely will dedicate a more in depth story for nanami later on. but! your request gives me the perfect opportunity to share a little bit of my own take on him hehhehhehe

so enjoy!! <3

nanami + breeding

the embodiment of “gentleman in the streets, freak. in. the. sheets.”

with his job, he hardly has the time to indulge in relationships, so he’s pretty lax in the bedroom at first. just goes with the flow, ya know

but the longer you stay, the more comfortable he gets when he realizes you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

but nanami doesn’t rush to pull out the whips and chains, he’s gradual when it comes to sharing his interests with you in the bedroom.

until he isn’t.

so when the two of you are alone, and the doors are locked, the nanami in the day contrasts the man he is at night.

nanami is already dominant in all aspects of your relationship, to some degree. but it doesn’t compare when he has you crumpled, completely submitting beneath him, or bent over his knee after a long day of dealing with your shit

he’s more cutthroat than the first time you two had sex. yea, he has a soft side too but when the mood is right, he knows which to bring out

so when your spread for him, accepting everything he gives, how can he not indulge in all he wanted with his pretty little thing?

the act of pumping you full drives him wild, and at times in need, it keeps him going, until the next time

and on top of that, nanami definitely gets off on the size difference between you and him, and shows

when he purposefully pushes on your stomach, feeling the outline of his bulge, when you fold underneath him without resistance

don’t even get me started on how he loves to take you ugh

when he has you locked in a mating press, unable to move and just take. take. take.

probably likes it even more when he’s done his research, knowing how much more likely you could get get pregnant with his cum when he’s plowing into you

the thought alone is so dangerous. but that’s why he likes it. hehe.

Nanami is diligent with the way he works your body, he’s mesmerized every detail down to the bone like the back of his hand. He knows when he pushes you further into the bed, forcing himself deeper than before, how full he makes you feel. Your body is so honest when he does, how the way your legs tense and shake and your tummy bulges when he thrusts at that one angle.

It is a sight that has him breathing faster, and his tongue dipping out to lick his lips. He’s hungry, a thirsty and dying man before you. Feeling the way your walls squeeze him, coating his lower half in a layer of slick feeds him bit by bit, but the urging desire to already fill you up has his hips stuttering.

But right now, he wants to savor this. Savor the way your body lays beneath him, your mouth slightly ajar, hair tangled between his fingers as you cried with pleasure. You looked so pathetic with the way you choked on air, your hands pressed against his chest as you took everything he threw your way.

That’s why Nanami loved you. It wasn’t easy to submit yourself to someone, but you did, allowing him to give you all that he wanted. You were good for him, so good and so pretty. And prettier when his thrusts would finally come to a stop, when his body would pull away from your battered figure, his face pulled down and his eyes focused and just watch.

Watch the way your ass trembled, your body wracked with an uncontrollable shake as you came down from your high, better than the one before. And he’d groan, the deep guttural hiss audible in the quiet room that smelled of sex when finally, his cum slowly leaked from your twitching whole.

And Nanami smiled, his eyes brighter then before when his fingers pushed it all back into your cunt, carefully gathering every drop and slowly fucking his seed into you again and again. And he’d tell you in that sweet voice of his so quietly.

“what a waste.”

“it’s not enough.”

“one more time.”

as he takes you in bed, promising that the next wave of euphoria will be it for tonight. That your walls will finally taste nothing but of Nanami, his scent etched into your skin. But you know better. Once Nanami has had a taste, he can’t bring himself to stop, not when you’re crying for him, begging for his cock to stuff you full and breed you stupid.

so when you’re nearing you end and Nanami grows sloppy, his thrusts more frantic then before, he palms your stomach. His fingers trace the outline of his cock, dragging in and out at a delicious pace, his hand digging deeper and deeper until your writhing under his grip. It stings, but when his fingers press harder and harder, it forces him to hit that one spot that has your breath stuck in the back of your throat and thighs aching.

“gonna breed this pretty little pussy.” He breathes.

“til’ it’s full and heavy.”

He’s rational, logical and very decisive. But when he is high off of the adrenaline and pleasure that’s pumping through his veins, Nanami silently hopes that his cum will bleed into your womb, that your pill won’t repel his seed. That somehow, by some miracle, you miss your period.

And if you don’t?

Then the next time, he’ll look forward to doing it all over again.

#jujustu kaisen x reader #jujustu kaisen #jjk #request #jjk requests #nanami kento #nanami #nanami x reader #nanami smut #kento nanami #kento jjk #jjk nanami

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scuttling · 3 years

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Trophy Husband

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 2,188 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Dad bod Hotch, Insecure Hotch, Dry humping, Unprotected sex, a lil Daddy kink Summary: Requested by anon: “maybe some dad bod hotch smut? like where he’s newly retired and hasn’t been working out as much and the reader worships his body bc he’s been feeling a little insecure” I love some dad bod Hotch, so happy to fill this request! Link to A03 or read below!

“No, we’re not doing forced overtime again. If you want my team to put out more consults, then we need to hire more profilers.” You walk through your front door and into the kitchen, smiling when you see Aaron standing over the stove, holding a wooden spoon and stirring something that smells amazing. “With all due respect, I’m not concerned about the budget, sir; if my people are as valuable as you stated, then I expect them to be taken care of.”

Aaron looks back at you, wrinkles his nose, and you make a motion with your hands—blah, blah, blah—which makes him chuckle.

“I agree completely, sir. That’s a great idea. If you send down the requisitions tomorrow, I’ll start interviewing on Monday. No, thank you. Good night.” You lock your phone, set your bag on the stool closest to you, and sigh. “Was it this hard to get stuff done when you were the unit chief?”

“No, it’s definitely harder now, but you make it look easy. And sexy,” he says with a smirk, and you walk over to him; he offers a taste of what he’s making—it looks like paella, and your stomach rumbles—and you lean in to take a bite off of the spoon, looking up at him and flicking your tongue over your lips. His eyes get dark.

Even after ten years of marriage, he’s so easy to get going, it’s almost unfair.

“Delicious, daddy, thank you.” You stand up fully, and he turns back to the stove; your arms wrap easily around his waist, cheek pressed to the soft, worn t-shirt that covers his back. “How was your day? Are you still enjoying the life of a trophy husband?” He snorts, muscles tensing enough that you can feel it where you rest.

“Hardly.” He was in such a good mood a moment ago that this feels like a complete 180; profiler or not, you know your husband, and something’s on his mind. You tighten your embrace, and he shrugs you off a little, and that is practically unheard of. You stand, take a step back to look at him.

“What’s wrong? You aren’t getting bored of retirement already, are you? It’s only been six months.” He sighs, shakes his head. You’re sure you look confused.

“No, retirement is fine; it’s great, actually, it’s not that.” Typical Aaron, always making you drag this shit out of him. For being so sweet and kind, he’s still not that great at being open, even though you make every effort to encourage it.

“What is it, sweetheart? Something is obviously bothering you; we should talk about it.” Another deep exhale, and he turns off the burner, moves the pan of food off of the heat, and turns to face you fully.

“I imagine you already know.” You shake your head, shrug, and he gestures to himself, to his body. You feel stupid, like there’s something you’re missing.

“Aaron, love of my life, I don’t have any idea what this means.” You mimic his previous motion, and he rolls his eyes, which you can’t stand, and he’s well aware of that. “You’ve got to give me more than that, or I can’t help.”

“You can’t help, it just… is.” He sighs, and his shoulders deflate. You move closer, to touch him, comfort him, but he takes a step back. “I know I’m not the ‘trophy husband’ you probably expected me to be. I know this isn’t what you signed up for.”

You do your best to put together these cryptic sentences, the hand gesture, and when realization finally dawns on you, you can’t help it: you laugh.

Aaron turns away, and you know that was shitty, feel instantly terrible, so you reach out to put a gentle hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you, it’s just… you don’t think you’re hot anymore?” He turns to face you, looking at you like he’s tired of your shenanigans, which… after this long, he should be plenty used to them, so the look does nothing for you.

“I’ve gotten… soft, I think that’s obvious.” At that, you smirk a little, move your hands to the button on his jeans.

“Oh, I don’t think there’s anything soft about you, Aaron. Why don’t you let me put your cock in my mouth, and we’ll check again.”

“You wanted me to talk, I’m talking.” His tone is a little admonishing, and you kind of deserve it, so you stop being horny for a second and take a deep breath.

“You’re right. Sorry. So… you’re exercising less, because obviously you don’t need to be as fit anymore, since you’re not working. Am I following?” He nods his head. “Okay, and you’re feeling… insecure about the way your body looks now, because of it.”

“Yes. Especially when you, Unit Chief Hotchner, are kicking ass and looking fucking delicious doing it, and then you have to come home to me.”

It’s like a switch is flipped in you, at those words. Oh hell no.

“Hold on here. I don’t have to come home to you, I get to come home to you; every night I do, it’s like a dream come true, and on the nights I don’t get to come home to you, I dream about it. I dream about being in your arms—strong arms, always, even if they’re less defined—and I dream about making love to you and fucking you and everything in between. You: not the Aaron of two months ago or six months ago or five years ago. You.”

He looks your face over—you’re getting fired up and you know it, and it turns him on and you also know that—and then the two of you come together for a deep, desperate kiss. Your hands fist in his hair, his roughly grab your ass, and when you pull back for air he turns you so you’re bent over the counter, searches for the zipper of your skirt.

“No!” He freezes, then steps back, and you stand up, flushed. “I’m sorry, not no—just, not here.” He blows out a breath, and you kiss him softly, sorry you scared him. “It’s just that… I want to lay you back on our bed, completely naked, and I want to put my mouth and my hands on you, everywhere. I want you to see what your body does to me, exactly as it is right now. I get that that might make you feel a little vulnerable, but will you let me?” You press your lips to his again, put your hands gently on his face. “Let me, baby.”

He nods, and you take his hand, take him to your bedroom. He’s visibly nervous, so you move his hands to your body, let him strip you naked first. He always takes pleasure in this, whether he is ripping the buttons off your favorite blouse or softly mouthing at your thighs while he drags your panties down your legs, and tonight is no exception.

“So beautiful, baby,” he murmurs as he finds that zip and drags it down, helping you step out of the skirt. You kick off your heels, and he unbuttons your top—carefully, tonight—then unhooks your bra, pulls you close and kisses your neck and chest so deliciously you almost forget what brought you here.

You lick your lips, shake yourself from the haze of submission you always feel when his mouth is at your throat, and your hands flick open the button of his jeans, tug down the zipper, guide his pants to the floor. He steps out of them, and you kiss his mouth.

Your hands move up, to the hem of his t-shirt, but you do nothing. He smirks, pulls it over his head, because he knows you love that hot guy way of pulling a t-shirt off with one hand, and he happens to be a master of it. You do your best not to drool.

“Mmm. You know exactly what I like, Aaron. There’s nobody in this world who could turn me on like you, who could get me off like you.” He licks his lips, and you get on your knees, running your hands down his body as you go. “Toes to nose, you are exactly who and what I want. Don’t ever forget that.”

You start low, press your lips to the tops of his feet, then his ankles, his calves, his knees. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, but you keep moving up, slowly, until your hands find the waistband of his underwear and you pull them down. His cock springs up—this in particular is never a problem, no matter his age—and you kiss up his thighs and then rise to stand.

“Baby,” he breathes, and you lean up for a kiss, drop your panties. He grabs a fistful of your hair, takes another, rougher kiss, then releases you; you’re panting hard, and your teeth sink into your bottom lip. God, he’s good. How could he ever doubt his sex appeal when he makes you this much of a horny, eager mess with just a kiss?

You guide him back to the bed because he’s too tall for you to reach everywhere standing up; you start at his right wrist, kiss your way to the crook of his elbow, over his biceps, to his shoulder. You trail your lips over his collarbone, his throat, pausing to nibble on his earlobes, to peck him on the tip of his nose.

“I love you so much, Aaron. You are and always will be perfect in my eyes. I barely even notice when you’re being a dick anymore,” you joke, and he laughs; steamy and sexy is really good, but it’s your favorite when he laughs.

You kiss down the other side of his neck, down his arm, but this time you bring his hand up and suck on his middle and ring fingers, taking them so deeply you can flick your tongue over his wedding ring. He groans, you groan, it’s really hot. Your pussy throbs.

“Fuck, baby.” You pull them out of your mouth with an innocent smile, and then straddle his legs, leaning forward to suck and bite kisses all over his stomach and hips, avoiding his cock altogether. “Oh, god, that feels so good,” he breathes, reaching for your hair, and you slide your arms up his chest, squeeze the muscles there that are softer, but still present, while you kiss wetly along his belly.

“Mmm,” you moan while you kiss, because you’re kind of… lined up tight against his thigh, and it feels really good.

You keep kissing, all over, sloppy, eager kisses, rubbing his chest and grinding against his thigh, and it’s a surprise to you both when you come, looking up at him with your mouth open and your nails digging into his skin.

“Holy fuck,” you sigh when you’re done—there’s no sugarcoating this—humping his leg, and he licks his lips, wraps his hands around your arms, and maneuvers you on onto your back, slides his cock easily inside you where you’re wet and warm. “Yes, Aaron.”

“Oh, baby. Fuck, I love you,” he groans, and he laces your fingers with his and tucks his face against your neck. You love when he gets like this, so desperate to come but so soft, so loving, and you squeeze him with your legs, push your body into his thrusts.

“Like that, honey, just like that,” you breathe, mouthing at his shoulder, your free hand clutching at his back. “Come inside me, daddy; pin me with your big body like you always do and come inside me. Love it, want it, need it.”

He moans into your throat, works his hips harder, faster, and you hold him when he comes, smoothing your palm over his skin. He looks down at you, and love shines in his eyes just like always; your heart melts a little. That’s something you’ll never get tired of seeing as long as you live.

He pulls out, replaces his cock with his fingers and brings you to orgasm again, still looking into your eyes, and he catches your last gasping moan with his lips.

You’re both tired after that, not as young as you used to be, and you pull him on top of your body again, a warm, reassuring weight; underneath him is your favorite place to be, always has been, always will be.

“Trophy husband,” you coo in his ear, scraping fingers through his hair. He chuckles softly, brushes his thumb over your lips.

“Badass wife.”

“Mm hmm, and don’t you forget it.” After a couple minutes, your stomach rumbles, and Aaron climbs off of you, returns with the whole pan of paella, two spoons, and a bottle of white wine. “No glasses?” you ask, teasing, sitting up against the pillows, and he shakes his head, wrinkles his nose.

“Nah, I like it better this way. My lips where your lips have been.” He leans in for a soft, slow, sultry kiss, and you sigh when it’s over, lean your head against his shoulder, and smile.

❤️ Taglist: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #hotch x female reader #request

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lynnthefrenchtoast · 3 years

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🌱lynn's favourite fics

(and quotes from them♡)

requested by: @thejollyshiner & @misterjelliez

Poisoned Dreams by StrangeDiamond

14 CHAPTERS & 3 BONUSES

do you desperately want kaeya and diluc to go back to being brothers again? then this! is the fic! for you! haha! prepare to cry! and slam! your head! on a table! multiple times!

"He's ours now," Diluc wants to tell Kaeya's father. "He's my father's son, not yours. My brother. He's Mondstadt's, and we're not giving him back to you."

thats probably my favourite quote, as well as every piece of fischl dialogue

A Liar's Truth by internetpistol

2 CHAPTERS

sakusa-centred sakuatsu fic. i think this'll hit harder for you if youre closeted or have an unsupportive family but i still enjoyed it regardless

"Love me not despite the fact that I’m gay, but simply because I’m your son."

there were a lot of good quotes but that one takes the cake. absolutely. its now one of my rules to live by

i get to love you by indawn

ONESHOT

childe dies and zhongli gets to mourn his loss.

"For he will always live on in his memory, and in all that is beautiful in life, he will reside."

short but a huge fuel to my writing

How To Finish Your Bucket List Before You Die- A Guide From Kaeya Alberich by OHai_Here

3 CHAPTERS & AN AFTERWORD

kaeya is given a little extra time before he has to go.

"He thinks of Master Crepus who looks at a too-skinny too-dark boy with midnight hair and says, come with me. He thinks of his mother, clinging to Kaeya like the last lifeline she has as she sobs so hard her throat gives out, but through her tears, lets her only son leave for a better life, thinks of his father who sacrificed his life to walk his son through a land which rejects him, who gives his final smile and hug and says, my boy.

And then he thinks about Klee and her innocent smile and understands why they all did what they did and then he thinks, my girl."

i have a soft spot for klee and that line hit me hard.

Parallels by Lancaliii

17 CHAPTERS ONGOING

i havent been into the bnha fandom mood for a v long time but this is DIFFERENT, the characters are totally lancalis own and I LOVE THEM

i dont exactly have a favourite quote since its still ongoing but all of chapter 'blind till now' is my favourite. probably the slutshaming dandelions and "When you hide, you're cowering from the eyes of the world, my friend. Let it see you."

apparently i cant only reccomended angst? smh this isnt fair🙄

bringing a boquet to battle by wormkinnie

ONESHOT

the itto characterization,, hh,, HHHHHHH im pretty sure wormkinnie has a tumblr uh dont let them see this im shy but THEIR WORK IS SO GOOD SORRY IK I NEED TO BE SUMMARIZING THE FIC BUT SRSLY.

itto is chaotic and everyone has to deal with it essentially (ittorou)

“Well, Itto, my only real experience on these matters is with political marriages. I don’t think that’d be much help to you.”

“Well, hey, hold on now. Can I politically ask Gorou to go out with me?” IT REALLY ISNT THE TYPE OF FIC YOU CAN SELL ON A SINGLE QUOTE ITS MORE A WRITING STYLE + COMEDIC GENIUS THING

lessons in beetle battling by wormkinnie

ONESHOT

ive said it once and ill say it again misuse of authority is not good but ayato is an exception. poor thoma. poor, poor thoma.

more wormkinnie fics bc as weve established..

"Lord Kamisato?” Like an answer from Celestia, like a miracle, like some kind of divine blessing that says Yes, Ayato, you can uphold your family’s honor and go fight insects in the streets,"

my actual favourite part is the gorou part but that needs context and i cant spoil it so hhhh

"oh im gonna reccomended fluff now" said lynn, like a liar

the truth (and nothing but) by communist_sasuke

ONESHOT

chuuya gets hit by an ability that forces him to tell the truth. mild hurt/comfort ensues

"Because it makes me human."

no, lynn, you should, in fact, not, share the smut fics you read on a tumblr acc with the same username as every other social media you use because your family can and will find you

..." said the logical part of her brain which she unfortunately tends not to listen to

OK I WONT SHARE THE FICS BUT *COUGH* IM JUST SAYING... jisxangie and seredemia.. thats good enough to be considered art not smut.

please (and i means srsly, pls) reccomend fics in the comments... im starved... i wanna read... give...-🌱

#genshin impact #bungou stray dogs #ao3fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic reccomendation #ittorou #thomato #chili #zhongchi #haikyuu!!#sakuatsu #kaeya alberich #my hero academia #shin soukoku #thoma genshin #wattpad

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fordanoia · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged way way back by @endae (my beloved). Thank you for the tag!!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

19 (haha), I really gotta work on moving all my paranoid ford one shots over into a one shot series though. I have about 70 fic posts on here.

What’s your total word count on AO3

180,212. Half of which all comes from Gotham Falls which isn’t a surprise.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mainly just Gravity Falls.

I wouldn’t really count the other stuff I’ve done because it’s only been 1 fic, and that was it really. R.ise of the Guardians, O.utlast:Whistleblower, S.anders Sides. N.aruto and D.eath Note if you wanna go way back.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Even Stone Crumbles 2. I Think I Saw You 3. Gotham Falls 4. A Blinded Eye for a Blinded Eye 5. Please Come

I’m pretty happy ITISY is up there since that’s kind of my ‘best series work’, Blinded Eye too, that one’s been a lot of fun to write because it’s a ficlet series.

Kind of really thrown that the Even Stone Crumbles one shot is the hightest one though, dang people really just wanted to see Ford cry huh, I can accomodate that.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Uh... rarely.

Basically, it’s something where creators responding to me got me nervous so I didn’t generally do it as a creator myself until I found out some consider it polite to respond and since then I’ve been making an effort of doing it going forward.

I’m not online that often nowadays though so... I haven’t done it much.

Wanna emphasize tho how much I THRIVE off of comments and that I appreciate them even if I didn’t reply to them. Genuinely I’ve made fics a higher priority bc a comment revitalized my passion for the fic.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Most of my paranoid one shots wind up with angsty endings where it’s implied that Ford just has to keep Living in it.

I had one where he woke up and thought Bill had Killed A Person while he was possessing him, and it leaves off an unsettling note.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Rarely. I wouldn’t consider myself a crossover person, which is funny because I have one exception for that and it IS Gotham Falls (which is the stan twins from gf inside of gotham from b.atman the animated series).

For the sake of the question though imma include rp for wildest thing I’ve ever done which was rp as Chris McLean from total drama island and hosted a game of ‘rabbit doubt’ (which is an angsty rp game where 1 person is a killer and is killing the other characters until they’re the only one left or the group discovers who it is). Players included bill, some undertale characters, and etc.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No. Worst I’ve ever gotten was slightly rude stuff.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

‘Rarely’ really is the word of the day here. Some g.ravity falls and some vamp oc content.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Closest I’ve ever done has been rp. Remembered I co-wrote a fic with a friend when I was in middle school. Dual self-insert where the a.katsuki (from n.aruto) kidnapped us from our world and we wound up becoming ninjas.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

hands down, B.illford. Manipulative and toxic is a ship dynamic I enjoy a lot.

Honorable second place B.lackice (J.ack Frost/P.itch Black) which i’ve been coming back to read fics for every long once in a while since 2013. Even if it’s only in spurts it is still technically the longest I’ve cared for a ship. (Surprisingly, I actually like this ship when Pitch genuinely reforms, kozmotis style)

(I don’t care about the vast majority of ships so not a hard competition here.)

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Gotham F- lol no, I’m determined to not die until I finish that bad boy.

Dear Stan(ford). Unfortunately, an easy answer. I’ve never gone back to finish it really, and it’s the lowest on the totem poles out of all my wips.

There’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s got good legs, but I think the slice-of-life sort of pace makes this harder for me to write especially with it being an episodic set up which gives me nothing much to jump to between each letter.

It’s a bit of a ‘as the mood strikes me’ but I always have something higher priority and I’m more invested in so the mood never strikes.

What are your writing strengths?

I’d like to think that once I’ve got a character down that I can do their dialogue really well and character interactions. Characterization in general.

Also tense scenes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluff, casual conversations, new characters, fighting.

Whenever I try anything entirely light hearted I generally fall flat and it all comes out so stocky/woody.

New characters, if I don’t Know A Character Through and Have A True Feel for them, then I just flounder all over the place. I don’t know how to write if I don’t know what they’d be thinking and feeling past about how ANY person would think/feel.

Fighting - I mean hell, common weakness, same issue as fluff/slice-of-life I just feel like I’m pushing words. Half the time I can get in a groove with it, but other times it’s - arm hit wall, punch go to face but miss.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Yeah, more than fine. If the 2nd language becomes plot important then I think you should either include translation or mark the language as multilingual, but yeah nah.

I’m someone that has to know what it’s saying even if it’s not Plot Important so I prefer the translations regardless (if google translate won’t get the point across for me).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

N.aruto.

See above for mention of that self insert a.katsuki kidnapping fic.

We posted it on quizilla, and it’s a shame it’s gone because it was actually fun to read from what I remember.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

.... That’s a hard decision.

My baby is Gotham Falls, always has been. I’ve reached a difficult point on it though because I’m at a point where I’m bringing in mmm 6 new characters (B.atman villains) which I’m trying to bring in over the next 10 chapters PLUS it’s going to be with fight/action scenes probably every other chapter if not nearly every chapter - both of which are really hard for me to write. I adore it probably the most and it is easily the most I’ve worked on any fic, but it’s also my biggest challenge. (And it holds some of my oldest writing which as always can hurt to read when you’re better now, but NO way am i updating 60k of old work).

Then I love doing p.aranoid ford fics, they’re my favorite go to. Writing A Prime P.aranoid Ford fic that just flows out is one of my favorite things.

Alternatively - ITISY because it’s definitely my top 5 story concepts and one of my best executions of something wasn’t a one shot.

I’m tagging @pinesbrosfalls, @fexalted, @novantinuum and whoever else may like to do this. Sorry if I double tagged and no pressure to do it of course.

#long post #tag meme #ask game #fic talk #fordachat

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actual-changeling · 4 years

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Something that stops me from interacting with the Doctor Who fandom is what I think to be a fundamental misunderstanding of thirteen as a character and as a person. You can, of course, see her as whatever you like and portray her as such in your works, but it is often enough the polar opposite of how I see her.

Does anyone care about the latter? Probably not. You will get that opinion, anyway, though, so buckle in. There will not be any specific references with pictures or screencaps bc who has the time or resources for that. It is based on my memories of the show.

Before we look at thirteen, I want to make a small detour back to another, in my opinion, misunderstood, doctor. Eleven.

Poor, misogynistic, happy, hyperactive, deeply traumatized eleven. He was, as you might remember, born out of pain and recent trauma, both physical and mental. The Doctor had just witnessed what he probably thought to be the final deaths of both his planet and his best friend. There was no-one left, but him dying was still too soon for him, too quick.

"I could do so much more," is what he told us, but he still sacrificed himself for Wilson, because that is the person they all are at heart.

His next face was younger, it was non-threatening and soft, and still, the first major thing he did with it was threatening a whole species. I could talk about that episode alone for ages, but let's focus on what makes up eleven. His happiness seems seldom genuine. There is a certain desperation to it that shows in his obsessions with River and Amy, an edge that makes him reckless and easily angered (remember the ending of the second episode? his impossible choice and the way he reacted?).

I am convinced that eleven is putting on a show, both for himself and everyone else. The Doctor has always been lonely, everyone around them dies or leaves and then still dies eventually. It is them and their Tardis. Them and their thoughts. And eleven's thoughts are filled with the remnants of ten's last developments as time ord victorious and retraumatization. His new face was supposed to make him happier, better, less lethal, but instead his mood swings from one extreme to another. Eleven carries so much pain and rage he needs River and especially Amy as his constants to not lose himself.

You might be asking yourself where exactly I am going with this, and I am, too, asking myself that question. The answer is, when it comes down to it, eleven and thirteen are incredibly similar to each other.

Thirteen was also born out of trauma, out of twelve's suicide attempt and Bill's, Missy's, Nardole's, and even Clara's deaths. They were all dead to the Doctor, no chance of a return, and what did the Doctor do? He tried to kill himself quite literally. Twelve, besides everything else, was just so, so tired.

Is it a surprise that his next face, his next self, is bubbly? Happy? Energetic? Young?

So that is what she tries to be now, the opposite of what she was before, and god, does she try hard. What happens, though? Grace dies. Her first night, her first face dies.

Thirteen tries harder and harder until she cracks. Season eleven shows her to be happy and soft. No edges, just innocent smoothness. After that, though, the glimpses of her internal process start cracking up her facade and it all comes pouring out. Her rage is colder compared to the others' and that's one thing I love. She does not lose control, her anger is intentional and so are her actions.

Killing a ship full of mostly innocent beings? Eradicating a species? No problem. Risking her companion's lives? Sure. They'll die sooner or later anyway. Leaving the Master, her friend, her opposite, to be captured by the Nazis? Cruel, undoubtedly so.

She grows rigid and quiet, becomes more and more impatient, keeps her thoughts and secrets to herself. The Doctor's companions are absolutely clueless about them for the first time because she simply keeps them in the dark. Thirteen is angry, mostly, a reaction to intense trauma and the one thing to keep her going.

Confronting the Master on Gallifrey is an amazing scene and one of my favorites. I truly believe she wants to kill the Master at that moment. I really do. Not because she hates him. It is because all the confusion she is feeling, all the doubt is coming from him. He didn't cause it, but he made her remember, forced her to do so.

Her whole identity is collapsing in on itself, all her memories and experiences. Nothing is holding her up, nothing defining her but the intense rage burning in her chest. I believe thirteen to be a character that is fundamentally built on rage and traumatic pain. She pretends to be happy, but she isn't. She pretends to care, but she doesn't.

God knows she wants to, but to let go of her rage would mean to start processing her trauma and she simply can't. Her whole identity is based on it so how could she let it go? How could she accept the fact that she is more than her anger and her trauma when the universe proves her right in that assumption again and again?

So when a fic presents her as goofy and happy, when people characterize her as lovestruck or bubbly, it feels like a completely different person. I do believe traumatized people can be happy and fulfilled, I am even traumatized myself.

But I do wonder sometimes whether maybe the Doctor has already crossed a certain boundary and went too far. Whether they can still heal from their past or whether it is too late.

Anyway, I hope you found my infodump amusing or interesting. Feel free to leave any questions/comments in the responses or reblogs. Or straight-up sent me asks.

#alex yells at the void #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #the doctor #thirteen #meta #eleventh doctor #character analysis #trauma #the master #character interpretation #introspection #infodump #idk man i was bored and this happened #my blog is an on fire garbage can but i love it #so this won't change anything

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reyesstrand · 3 years

Text

fic writer questions!!

tagged by @marjansmarwani @silvarafael and @morganaspendragonss (thank u!! 💗)

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

2) what’s your total ao3 word count?

286,026

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

i’ve written a handful of very amateur fics for it chapter 2, the get down, the magicians years ago, and most recently the old guard and 911: lone star.

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

all of them are 911ls ajdnsnsn

like a bright new dream (post-season one tarlos love declarations)

wanna be still with you (2x08 episode tag ft concussed tk)

take me back to the light (post 1x08/pre 1x09 coda)

silver in the night (1x10 episode tag/missing scenes)

tangled in the willows (one shot collection)

5) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

omg i’m not sure i’ve ever been capable of writing angst without some sort of happy ending…..i’ve definitely written some ambiguous endings though, which are featured here: in my grace/judd fic all so incredibly loud and my nancy/marjan fic hold on to me and this chapter of my tarlos one-shot collection.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i feel like 99% of my fics have happy endings akdnsn but off the top of my head my 2x12 coda felt like maybe we could last forever was one of the heavier things i’ve written and the ending was one lots of comments touched on which made me (‘:

also!! and every harm (is lovingly washed away) and thinkin bout forever both end in sappy double proposals for tarlos which were too much fun to write, and i’m going to plug all my nancy/marjan fics apparently ajdnsn bc make me feel alive also has a pretty happy ending!!!

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

never written one!

8) do you write smut? if so, what kind?

nothing super explicit, but i’ve ventured into mild/implied sexual content (i doubt it’s very good though ajdnsksn)

9) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try to!!! it usually takes a few days after a fic’s been posted but i try and get to them as soon as possible! and i do it to show appreciation for kind words because it really does mean the world 🥺

10) have you ever received hate on a fic?

somehow no.

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, thankfully. at least not that i’m aware of.

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

no! but i’d love that!

13) have you ever co-written a fic before?

i haven’t! it’s definitely something i’m interested in though!!

14) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

i’d have to say any of the lone star pairings, canon or not—but of course tarlos most of all. i’ve just never really had so much inspiration from a pairing before. for instance, my first ever tarlos fic was inspired from the promo image for a scene that never even aired (looking at you dinner scene from 1x05), when before i felt like i had to be several seasons into a show to want to write in that universe. so yeah. tarlos.

15) what’s a wip you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh….so many. the first one that comes to mind is the sort of missing scenes between seasons one and two of lone star fic that i just couldn’t get to work for me. i also kind of want to do a canon divergent tarlos fic where they have a much slower burn than what we get on the show, but again..lack of inspiration aksnsn

right now my focus is on the prompt requests from forever ago!!

16) what are your writing strengths?

i’d like to think exposition? describing emotions and scenery? internal thoughts? i love getting lost in the mood of a scene and trying to capture it with words.

17) what are your writing strengths?

ooh uh i’ve always struggled with dialogue. like just making it flow naturally. if i’m not in the right headspace for certain dialogue-heavy scenes it makes writing 10x harder for me akdnsks

18) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think it all depends on the scene/character/context. but, as someone who only speaks english and a little bit of french, i dont really think my thoughts matter here? if speakers of the language in question say something in a fic is offensive or not used properly or call into question the author’s intentions, we should listen to them.

19) what was the last fandom you wrote for?

………lone star, of course.

20) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

oh man, i’ve said it before but probably my firefighter!carlos fic lit the spark (that set a fire) because it took me so long. i also loved writing my 2x08 and 2x12 codas (mentioned above) and been twisting to the sun because it allowed me to write some tk and judd!!

i’m pretty sure everyone has been tagged at this point and i hope i don’t forget anyone but!!!@sunshinestrand @rafael-silva @reyescarlos @howtosingit @bellakitse @crockettmarcel feel free to do this if you’d like!!

#tag games #my fic

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morethanonepage · 3 years

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11 14 15 22

11. What do you envy in other writers?

THEIR ABILITY TO WRITE.

Every time I hear about someone who has actually become more productive during quarantine/recently finished ~their second novel I get so angry/sad I have to go lie down.

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

I usually have a provisional title when I start (almost always a quote from a song that captures the ~vibe I hope the fic will have) and sometimes I keep it, but usually the feeling of the fic changes by the time I finish it and the original quote doesn’t fit anymore, or else it’s too long/Too Much Cringe, so.

When that happens, I usually input the fic text into AO3 and do all the tags and stuff in the hope that a title will just. Come to me.

Sometimes it does! Usually it does not. And then I start doodling around various song lyrics, sometimes just picking one random word that i feel captures the ~vibe in some way that usually just makes sense to me. or else something totally random, just to get it over with.

i’m generally not good at titles, is the point. except when i am? i think there’s like. one or two per fandom i AM genuinely proud of. but mostly....eesh.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

I cheat with summaries and usually just post a ~representative passage from the fic itself (picking those is always fun for me, actually! It can be tricky to find something that IS representative of, if not the plot of the fic, then the general mood/dynamic; I also like for them to be at least a little funny? But my fics are way more about the general mood/dynamics than the plot, usually, so it works out [or so i think???]).

tags...i’ve stopped having as much ~commentary in tags (that was a livejournal bad habit, imo) tho i might through in one or two jokes. mostly my concern with tags is making sure i warn for anything that could be conceivably upsetting/controversial -- i’d hate to trigger someone bc i forgot to tag something, so i try to be as thorough as possible, though sometimes i do also worry that by being too careful i’m scaring off people who think that bc i’m warning for something it’s worse in the fic than it actually is and then they don’t read it. but it’s better to be safe than sorry, and it’s p easy to add new tags if someone asks for additional warnings, so.

but in general -- titles are harder, lol.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

It really depends on how long it’s been -- it’s a bit of a curve of cycle for me, when I first post fic i usually think it sucks (i post it anyway bc i know, objectively, that even tho in that moment i hate it, it’s probably not THAT bad), after a few weeks/months when i’ve forgotten what went into writing it i’ll re-read it and think it’s great, and then a year later i’ll check back in and start cringing again bc typos or awks dialogue or sex scenes or w/e. and then the cycle starts again lmfao.

i think the funniest thing is when i re-read something i wrote ages ago, think it’s good, and use that to beat myself up about how much better a writer i used to be.

#writer meta asks meme

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gra-sonas · 4 years

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Thank you for that last response. I find myself to be a fan of forlex who hopes they have some good focus, but my heart ultimately belongs with malex and can’t wait for any scenes with them, and I also enjoy Vlamis being so openly upset about forlex.

But I get why others are frustrated, and I think a lot of it is what you said, last year he had no problem promoting m/m and also creating a little rivalry of his own between the ships (I remember some tweets and posts all “who should I pick?”). That’s hard to forget and sometimes hard to trust sincerity going forward. And now that he’s doing it again it keeps him at the center of it all even if he’s not a part of both ships this time around. So I do understand the frustration from that side too.

But I do love your responses, I think there’s nothing malicious whatsoever and it’s just fun for him and he knows that a majority of the fans get a kick out of it. But while I think most of us assumed as much, it’s also good to know he and Christian are cool. (I wouldn’t mind if Christian ever responded back though 😂😏)

Lbr, he’s a stage hog (and I don’t mean that as an insult). He thrives on all the energy (good and “bad”), he’s like a kid on a sugar high entering a candy store. YAY, MORE SUGAR!

He loves to be at the center of attention, but he’s also relentless in his attempts to make Tyler and Christian join. They just won’t do him the favor 😂 Either bc they’re not used to it (Christian, probably) or bc they’re not in the mood (Tyler, probably. Which imo has nothing to do with fandom or the ships, looks more like he’s on a bit of a break from social media. Maybe he just doesn’t have the energy for any of this atm - and really, who could blame him after the century we’ve all had this year).

Vlamis is doing all of this for fun and not bc he wants to piss anyone off. Sometimes he goes a bit overboard, his sense of humor isn’t to everyone’s liking, but hey, that’s normal. No one can please everyone.

(I remember some tweets and posts all “who should I pick?”). That’s hard to forget and sometimes hard to trust sincerity going forward.

Yeah, I get that. I think for him, Malex is way (WAY) more sincere than M/M ever was, I understand why it’s harder for some to believe tho.

Either way, I’m glad that he mentioned that he’s been talking to Christian about the whole thing. Ohhh, to be a fly on the wall when they had that convo 😏

#s3 forlex discourse #nonnie asks

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mysewoon · 4 years

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20 questions tag

i was tagged by @mondbebe !! this was pretty fun so thank you~

1. what do you prefer to be called name wise?

just rachel lol

2. when is your birthday?

sep 16 ^^

3. where do you live?

southern us

4. three things you are doing right now?

i’m sitting on my bed, cuddling my stuffed shiba inu from artbox, and i’m listening to my spotify on shuffle (should i do by jooheon is playing bless)

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

why did i think this meant being interested in the actual stans LMAO i’m not sure if this means recently or generally tho ??? but i’ll just focus on recently. i’ve been getting into onewe and just pretty much every single gg there is. i used to be really into fandoms a while ago but these past few years i don’t think i care as much as i did.

6. how has this pandemic been treating you?

i haven’t gotten sick (besides the common cold) so that’s good! but a lot of unrelated bad stuff has transpired in my life since this and in the world (as we all know) that has my mood down pretty much all the time. i was also one of the unfortunate people who graduated this year. it is harder to distract yourself, too, when everything has been paused indefinitely. so i guess it hasn’t been treating me that well ??? on the bright side, staying home has given me more time to be artistic, which i’ve sort of ditched for the last few years or so, so i’m happy about that ^^

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

i’ve been listening to chloe x halle’s ungodly hour album on repeat for days. it’s just... so good... my favorite songs are “lonely” and “do it,” but seriously i’ve just been hooked on the whole album.

8. recommend a movie

why did this make me immediately forget every movie i’ve ever seen... i don’t really watch movies ?? but i remember liking everything everything!

9. how old are you?

18!!

10. school, university, occupation, other?

i guess university? i don’t get to start until next year though bc of the pandemic :(

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold x10

12. name one fact others may not know about you

when i was younger (like i was literally in ELEMENTARY school) i used to catfish on zwinky and public chatrooms using scene/emo site models’ pictures LMAO this isn’t a useful fact at all but

13. are you shy?

yeah FKJSFGBJK

14. do you have preferred pronouns?

she/her

15. biggest pet peeve?

this is so stupid, but this was the first one i thought of: when i end up sending a lot of messages over the course of maybe a day or two, and then the person just ignores everything except the last thing i said FKSDG or like if i send a paragraph of me being excited about something and then i only get like a two-worded response (it’s so dumb but it’s like if i watch a video i liked or something and then say like four sentences about it and the person is just like “oh cool” FSGB ??!?$@?%#% i’m getting pressed just thinking about it lmao) but i don’t SHOW that i’m mad bc i understand that not everyone cares about the same things i do lol

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

i only know like two and don’t like either of them so ig none or n/a

17. rate your life 1-10, 1 being rly crappy and 10 being the best it could ever be

hm.. it’s been between a 5 and a 5.5

18. what’s your main blog?

mysewoon ^^

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for?

@tzvyu is mostly for the girl group gifs i make, so the whole blog is ggs only and then @fyjooe is where i post jooe updates! i used to be really good at it, but then i didn’t update for nearly two years... uh...

20. is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends?

hm sometimes (perhaps more than sometimes) i become obsessed with random things for a certain amount of time and then will excessively look at and talk about only that one thing before i randomly end up not talking about it or thinking about it ever again LMAO ?? i’m not sure but i think that’s really annoying for anyone who knows me,, i promise i’m more of a consistent person than i just made myself come off as and also i am now way better at not sharing my random obsessions as much FKDGBK

(i don’t really know anyone on here so sorry if you don’t like me randomly tagging you :(( you don’t have to do this!) tagging: @softhyungkyun @kyunstax @ckyunoirs

#tag game

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years

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Truth Pt. 6

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: PTSD, flashbacks, lots of feels, night terrors.

A/N: Yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh. Here’s a thing. It’s an intense thing. Though intense in a different way than Part 5.

@wonderlandmind4 and I were chatting about vulnerability and honestly, that’s kind of the entire point of this chapter. Because y’all, being vulnerable in front of someone is fucking HARD.

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauder--harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom

[Bucky]

Bucky wakes up drenched in sweat, shaking, throat raw.

“Sargent Barnes?” Jarvis intones in a way Bucky has heard far too many times.

“I’m… I’m good,” he pants not wanting Jarvis to call for back up.

“Sir if you don’t mind me-“

“Not now, Jarvis.” Jesus, even a dick to the computer aren’t you?

Jarvis had good reason for concern. This made five days straight, every night since that mission, he woke up screaming.

He braces his head between his knees, trying to get the tremors to calm. Counting, holding his breath the right way, all the different coping tools his therapist taught him. Sometimes though… you just needed to beat the shit out of something.

He looks at his phone, 2:45 in the morning. It was after midnight when he’d gone to bed so the dream couldn’t have been going on for more than an hour and a half… it felt like a lifetime.

A flash of it plays in his mind: Dancing with Nancy, she was pretty and witty, had real moxie, he’d always liked his women with a little bite. As they danced though she aged in his arms until she was nothing but a wrinkled corpse, a reminder of what he should be now. Then the body morphed into that woman from the facility, skin red and painful to see, the power you so effortless wielded tearing her apart from the inside out. But… It was her eyes… they sparkled like yours. He shudders and bolts for the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.

When he looks in the mirror he can’t help but stare. It always felt like the image was wrong somehow like a double exposure of almost the same exact shot so things were just a little off. On the one hand, he looked so much like the pictures in the museums, only a handful of years older, same dark hair, same eyes. He was even getting grey in his beard at the same spot his pa had. On the other, there was a coldness, something not quite human there he thought. Something broken.

Can’t focus on that. He felt like he was about to snap and that was never good. He pulls on some sweat pants and throws his hair up before heading to the elevator.

“Training ground, please.” The elevator moves. Even the AI wasn’t talking to him. Great.

On the way down Bucky tries to get ahold of himself. His right-hand keeps trembling, other images from the dream popping up as soon as he thinks he’s cleared it from his head. That fucking chair. Jarvis was going to suggest an appointment with his therapist, it probably wasn’t a bad idea, not that he thought it would do any good.

The doors slide open and he trudges out, not focused on anything around him. Because of this when he walks into the gym he’s a little taken back by the image of you sitting on the ground, back against the wall, and the meat locker temperature of the place making goosebumps rise on his skin.

He hadn’t seen you at all since the mission. Really, he hadn’t seen much of anyone. Steve hadn’t mentioned you and he was worried that maybe you had been disciplined on his account. He understood why you lashed out at him, they didn’t. But he knew logically that wasn’t how things worked here.

You look up, eyes red-rimmed, sweat glistening on your skin. Even in this state it still takes him a second to get his bearings. You were so striking, beautiful…

There’s a part of him that wishes you were happy to see him so it hurts that the look you cast is venomous. Which is stupid, you have every right to hate the sight of him after the way he behaved.

Your tone says it all when you rasp, “Of fucking course. Almost 100 stories and here you are.”

“Nice to see you too.” Even if it was deserved he’s not in the mood. “You done fucking up every punching bag we have,” he gestures to the pile of busted ones in the corner, “or do you plan on leaving some for the other kids to play with?” Can you not be civil for one second?! He inwardly berates himself.

“Have at it,” you say standing. He notes the way your body shakes. “Not like it’s helping me any.”

As you pass him he grabs your right arm gently, metal flexing around your wrist, “Wait,” he says softly needing to make amends.

White streaks of light pulse up your arm for an instant. “Let go of me, Barnes,” you growl. It feels like a slap.

“So I’m Barnes again?” For a second you shoot daggers at him and he thinks you’re going to snipe back. Instead, you sigh and look at the floor, seeming to wilt as you let the breath out. He releases you.

Slowly you lift your gaze to meet his. Your eyes are glassy, brimming with tears, and so very haunted. “Sorry,” you croak out and his chest constricts. He watches you, your eyes shift suddenly every few seconds as if to track something that’s clearly not there. Damn.

“What’re you seeing?” He asks softly. This was something his therapist had suggested when he first got to the tower and was crashing with Steve. If he was in a flashback talk it out.

You shudder and focus on a point beyond him, “Han… handlers.” These were a very specific breed of Hydra agent trained to keep their assets, in line. They were the ones with their little red books and ‘magic’ words. This could be very bad.

“Are they giving you orders?” A flashback could include auditory hallucinations. His had at the beginning, they almost wiped him, it was horrific. You purse your lips and shake your head no. “That’s good.”

Pressing the heels of your hands to your eyes you let out a low scream and thud to the ground. You bury your face in your knees and for an instant, you pulse, one solid light all over despite your attempts to freeze the power down. Shit. This is bad.

“I just want them to go away. I need it to go away. I just want to fucking sleep.” You’re rocking back and forth, a low keening coming from you. He had thought he was about to snap earlier. You were already fraying.

“Y/N,” he crouches in front of you, worried that if he touches you it will set you off and that would be… well a promise, the only one he made you, broken in a little over a week. You could level this building. “Look at me.”

When your eyes meet his, your pupils are blown out, adrenaline pumping hard through your system. He needs to bring you down but he needs to know how far gone you are.

“How long have you been without sleep?”

“I… I… slept with you. I mean…”

He smiles a little, “Yeah. I know what you mean. And since?” Your eyes shift, invisible enemies moving behind him. “Eyes on me,” he says firmly.

It takes effort, he can tell, but you move them to his. “It’s… I…” You pause thinking, “I mean here and there… bits. Not all since…” Another tremor rocks you, you don’t pulse but the tendrils of light on your skin glow bright. “They’re always… there.” Something like a sob comes from you, you cover your mouth reeling in any further expressions. He aches for you.

“Who’s there?”

You look at him, expression begging for understanding, “All. Of. Them.” He does understand. Your eyes clench shut. The nightmares are everywhere for you so it doesn’t matter if your eyes are open or not. “Her,” you manage, voice cracking.

“Me too,” he whispers. Your eyes open, little sparks there just around the pupil.

Your mouth opens and closes as if you can’t find the words. Finally, “She… she was like me… and I…”

“Saved my dumb ass is what you did.” Bucky offers you a smile. He doesn’t know if this will comfort you but he feels he should say it, “And saved her from more suffering.”

You scoff, “How fucked is it when you can’t tell the difference between murder and kindness…”

He just stares at you. Unable to formulate a suitable response. Because the real answer was that sometimes… there wasn’t a difference.

Suddenly you lean forward and grab his hand, he flinches a bit, worried about your stability. Your gaze is steady for the first time though, “Promise me something… please… please, Bucky…” You’re… begging.

He gives your hand a squeeze, “Anything.” He means this. Anything you asked of him he would do.

“Don’t let me become that again…” His brows knit. “I’d rather be dead than theirs ever again. Please…”

He stares into your eyes, for an instant they’re the woman’s from the facility, dead, dark, the feeling of his fingers closing them forever. He shudders, unsure if he could do the same to you.

“Bucky promise me…” your tone is desperate and your skin begins to lift to that solid glow.

It’s reckless, he knows this, but his body moves of its own volition taking your face gently in his hands. His eyes burn with tears that he won’t let fall and he kisses your lips softly, you press back into the kiss to his surprise, and his heart lifts a touch. He pulls back looking at you, still cradling your face. Your eyes are wide, the dark circles under them making them all the more haunted, screaming for his answer, but you aren’t glowing and that was good.

“I will never let them take you, Y/N… ever. I swear that to you.” He hopes you don’t call him out on his wording. While he means this, has possibly never meant something so fully in his long life, he won’t kill you to keep you from them. Burn every bit of Hydra from the face of the planet? Now that was a different story.

[Reader]

You swallow hard. The sincerity in his voice and his steady stare calms a part of the storm raging in you. In place of the swirl of fear, dread, and panic however you begin to feel how much your whole body hurts.

It’s as though every hair follicle aches, muscles throb from being constantly tense, head pounding from exhaustion, your skin raw on the inside from the power ceaselessly pulsing within you, and that makes you think of her all over again… You feel like you’re going to be sick. Bile rises in your throat, you force it down pulling away.

Reluctantly he lets your face go. You lean to the side, hands flat on the floor, staring at the concrete, and heave a little, trying to ground yourself here and not lose what little dignity you had left at this moment. His right-hand lights gently on your back, the touch sending not unpleasant shivers through you.

“It’s ok,” he says softly, “let it out if you have to. I’m sure as shit not going to judge.” You snort out something like a laugh.

He sighs, “When’s the last time you ate?” All you can manage is a shrug. Yesterday, maybe was the answer. You weren’t trying since nothing stayed down long.

“Ok, look at me, doll.” Doll. He’d called you that the night you were together… you kind of liked it. You do as he asks, turning to him slowly but remaining slumped over.

The fingers of his right-hand stroke the hollow of your cheek. “Is there… someone you… talk to. A-”

“Shrink?” You cut him off.

“Yeah,” he says. You don’t have the energy to explain you’d seen her twice since but here you were. Instead, you just nod. “I assume you’ve,” you nod again. He sits cross-legged, “Doesn’t always do much for me either…” It wasn’t her fault you think. She just hadn’t been equipped to deal with the level of fucked you brought to the table.

He rubs his right hand over his eyes, almost as sunken as your own. That mission did a number on him too, hence why he was here.

“I’m sorry,” you say, righting yourself carefully, to maintain your delicate equilibrium.

“For what?” Bucky’s face knits in confusion.

“You’re dealing with your own shit, you didn’t need me to come and dump mine on you too…” You were sure you could find room to tuck this guilt in with the other menagerie of painful emotions inside you.

“You didn’t dump,” he shakes his head, “I asked. And… like I said… you saved my life… hell, theirs too.” His gaze is intense, “We both know you did even if no one else does. I think that allows for just a little dumping.”

All you can manage, once again, is a shrug. You knew you’d saved him. He’d be dead in the bottom of a crater had you not turned back. A wave of exhaustion hits you and you sway a bit closing your burning eyes. This was sort of like being drunk, you think, only far less fun.

You feel his right-hand slip around your left, “Will you let me return the favor?” Opening your eyes, you stare at him, unsure of his meaning for a second. Oh.

It was true you could go longer than the average human without sleep or much sustenance but you were still for all accounts and purposes a human, you had limits, ones you were coming dangerously close to.

Part of you wants to ask how he intends to return it, wanting to know if its a kindness you can tolerate. Instead, some other part of you nods yes. Agreeing without consulting your greater whole to let someone in.

“Come on then,” he stands, extending his left hand. You take it and pull yourself up, relying on its seeming immovability. Still, you tilt precariously, having moved a bit too fast for your body which was now barreling toward a full shut down.

Without word or warning, he slips his right arm behind your knees and lifts your unresisting frame into his arms. You bury your face in his chest, so past caring, breathing in the smell of him, and grasping his shirt with your fist.

“I’ve got you now,” he whispers as he steps into the elevator. “You’re safe.”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #the winter solider x reader

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diguerra-moved · 5 years

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* getting to know the mun :

name : melissa nickname : mel faceclaim : that depends but when I use ooc icons they're usually adora from she-ra and the princesses of power pronouns : she/her height : 165cm birthday : november 12 aesthetic : grey days, warm fluffy blankets, black cats, piles of books, videogames, changing hair color as often as possible, biting nails, the scent of rain (idk I just made a list of things I like lol) last song you listened to : The Man - Taylor Swift favorite muse (s) you’ve written : Myrcella tbh but Tyrande is v close... Actually I can't pick bc Alleria and Ashara too I love all of my children I’m just more attached to Myrcella probably

* getting to know the account :

what inspired you to take on this muse : (I'll do this for Myrcella) so I read the asoiaf books and fell in love with her immediately. few times have I ever felt so strongly that I really wanted to write a muse, still, I hesitated about making a blog for her because I was very afraid of jumping into a new fandom (and one that seemed very different from the ones I had been in at that point) so I waited for a while but she was persistent lol. so I gave up and made a blog eventually and here we are now. it literally just happened like that: I read the books and Myrcella stuck with me and never left :v

what are your favorite aspects of your current muse : she's admittedly a very minor character and open to different interpretations (which is part of why I love writing her! because there's not much canon to bind me lol). nevertheless, I think the little we see of her makes it clear Myrcella is very strong, stronger than most people think, and immensely clever. she's more than just good. she's very observant, she's charming and capable of using it in her favor, and of course, she's brave and outspoken too and I don’t know I love everything about her, even the tragedy of the suggestion she would play the game well and be a better queen than either of her brothers but that we will never truly see this being developed because she’ll die as prophecy demands aksdjfnaksjdfn

what’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing : the canon material mostly, but other than that I like theories and character analysis (good ones give me life and often help me get muse for her, but bad ones fuel my writing out of spite lol). more than anything, how I feel in the fandom I’m writing in influences my muse heavily (for all my muses tbh), so the people I write with play a big part where inspiration is concerned. when it comes to myrcella, you @wclfcrown, but also @wineinthewidow and @agirlofwinterfell who aren't as active atm (neither am I with asoiaf muses tbh aksnfjksdnaf) but I love always

favorite types of threads : I love suffering so angst and drama are my favorites but tbh I love fluff and cute nice stuff too and honestly I can go from 4+ paragraphs of serious threads full of feels to crack posts so uh yeah anything

biggest struggle in regards to your current muse : I'm insecure in general lol I don't think she's difficult to write but I struggle with muse sometimes because of anxiety and insecurity for the most part because it makes me feel replaceable and Not Good™ . the lack of muse because of how I feel in the fandom can make it harder too. but I can’t really think of anything specifically about Myrcella, she never required me any sort of mood or thought process to write her. I guess this would count: she comes to me very easily when I have muse but if I don’t she won’t come at all no matter how hard I try to write her.

tagged by: @wclfcrown thanks dj <3

tagging: if you read all of my bullshit up to here consider yourself tagged I mean it go do the thing rn

#* out of character: the mun / JUST YOUR LOCAL ANXIOUS NERD.

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cami-chats · 5 years

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A Family Man

Chapter One (of 2)

Fandom: Charmed, Supernatural (yes it’s a crossover)

Pairings: Piper Halliwell/Dean Winchester

Warnings: None, except maybe some Leo bashing bc really what tf was that

Piper was obviously pregnant. Her other kid was around a year old, so she was almost certainly still with the father, whoever that might be. She didn't wear a wedding ring, but some people didn't, and besides, Dean had heard that pregnancy made your fingers swell up so it was possible that she did usually wear her ring, she just couldn't right now. Anyways, the point was that she wasn't interested in anyone-- let alone Dean-- but there was no harm in looking. Especially when she was that gorgeous. It wasn't a model sort of beauty like Dean used to shoot for when he was hunting and dropping by bars for some diversion, but she was undoubtedly gorgeous.

With the yellow eyed demon gone and Sam back at college, Dean needed to do something with his life, and living on the run with a string of crimes following him wasn't as appealing as it used to be. Working at a nightclub wasn't exactly settling down, but at least he had a legitimate work history now. Besides, P3 was great, and Piper hadn't blinked at giving him his first several paychecks in cash before he had enough to open a bank account.

Funny as it was to think about, he was bonafide now. Sam would bust out laughing if he could see him now. Then again, Sam was a can of worms he didn't want to mess with right now. Or any time soon. He unlocked the door and started down the stairs, hesitating in one of his steps when he saw Piper sitting at the bar, head hung at whatever she was thinking about.

"Piper? What are you doing here so early?"

She startled, but in the next moment, she seemed perfectly at ease, turning around to smile at him. "Hey Dean. I was-" she gestured vaguely, "talking to Chris."

"Chris is here?" Dean asked hopefully. Chris was always happy to see him, and he was probably the best friend Dean had right now.

"He just left."

"Damn." At Piper's bemused look, he added, "I like him. Guy's my only friend around here."

"Huh." She had her head cocked slightly, like she was putting together a puzzle that Dean couldn't see.

"Uh... something wrong with that?" he asked, a little nervous. Chris felt like his best connection to the normal world, but Piper was his boss; if she fired him, he was screwed, and he wasn’t sure his friendship with Chris was good enough to risk his life for.

"No, of course not. It's just, Chris doesn't get along with... people. Not usually anyways."

"Must mean I'm special," he joked, smirking.

Piper seemed to take him seriously though, her expression thoughtful. "Must be. You want some help setting up?" she offered, already getting out of her seat.

"You don't have to, I'm fine."

"You know, between you and my family, I'm liable to blow something up if I keep getting side-lined like this."

Dean shrugged. "It's your club, do what you want."

Piper raised an eyebrow, trying to project snootiness though she was obviously amused. "I will."

After a minute, Piper put on some music to pump through the speakers. Weird as it might sound, Dean had the best prep shift ever. He didn't really think about it through the dancing-along's and mouthing-the-word's party they had on the fly. "It's been a while since I've had this much fun," Piper said.

"Me too, "he admitted. And what fun he had had in the past was often interspersed with hunts that went to hell, so the memories were sour to him. Even his time with Sam hadn’t been like this, with Sam always trying to keep them going so he could get back to his ‘real’ life. Any time Dean had tried to make light of the situation, Sam had glared at him or gotten all moody.

"With Leo and everything," she started to explain before trailing off as her happy mood faltered.

"Who's Leo?"

"Ex-husband," she said, making a face. She ran a hand over her swelling stomach, and Dean could imagine what that 'everything' entailed. Learning that she was single had no victory since she was clearly left in a bad spot by it.

"Sounds like an asshole," he said flatly. Say what you want about John Winchester, but at least he'd loved his wife.

"You don't know anything about him," Piper said, but she was holding back laughter.

"Going from your reaction, I'm guessing he left you. Right?"

Still looking amused, she nodded.

Dean shrugged. "Then he's an asshole."

Piper laughed, looking lighter for it. "It's not actually that simple, but... thanks. I can't really talk to anyone else about it. I mean, I could, but I don't want to unload to my sisters about it. They'd try to make it better, and he'd be around for a bit, and then he'd leave again to work for the 'greater good'."

"Bastard sounds like my dad," Dean said. Oh John had been obsessed with revenge, but he'd made the decision to sacrifice his sons' childhoods so that other families wouldn't suffer the way he had. The way 'they' had suffered was how he phrased it, of course. Dean had thought about it a lot since he and Sammy went their different ways after ganking the monster, and he still didn't know how he felt about it, because it wasn’t just their childhoods that had been messed with, it was their entire lives.

"Sounds complicated."

Dean snorted. "That ain't the half of it." He shook off the topic and tried a smile. "Thanks for the help."

"No problem. It's nice to feel useful for once."

"He must be crazy to leave you behind," Dean muttered, not really meaning to.

The way Piper looked at him though, it was clear that she'd heard.

Dean cleared his throat, blushing. God it had been so long since he'd blushed that it only served to make him more nervous. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

There was a charged moment where they looked at each other.

It wasn't actually a surprise in the moment that it happened, but leading up to it confused him. Piper was shorter than him by half a foot, so she had to lean up and pull his face down to meet her in order to reach. She was kissing him, and there was none of the vibrant electricity all his past relationships had demanded. This was soft and comfortable, and he leaned down further so she wasn't straining. His hands went to her hips automatically, and he could just barely feel the swell of her stomach against his palms.

"I um," Piper licked her lips as they stopped. "I hope that wasn't inappropriate of me."

"I'm pretty sure I was the one that hit on you."

"Still, I'm your boss. If you're worried this might affect your job-"

"It won't." Dean kissed her again, and for an instant she kissed him back.

She pulled back abruptly, taking a few steps to give him space. "I have a child. I'm about to have another."

"I know. Wyatt's a great kid. I'd like-" Dean stopped, rubbed his hand over his jaw and tried again. "If you'd let me, I think I could be decent at the whole family thing. If that's what you want."

"It's complicated," she said with a sad smile. She wanted to give in, that much was clear, but with (almost) two children, she had more at stake than her heart.

"What isn't? I just-" Dean swallowed, "I think this could work if we tried."

"My life is... it's too complicated, Dean. I can't drag you into that."

Sensing that her mind was made up, Dean nodded. "Right." He looked away, feeling hot and embarrassed. "If that's how you feel then-." He nodded again. "I uh, should go unlock the door for the crew, they'll be here soon."

"Sounds good," Piper said, and he ignored the strain in her voice since she'd been nice enough to not point out the one in his.

He was in a bit of a mood for the rest of the night, but he was pretty sure no one noticed. It's not like he blamed Piper for her choice-- she did have children and her closely-knit family to consider amongst whatever other family drama they had-- but it was still depressing. He hadn't thought he had a chance for so long, and then for one great moment, he'd had it. Even better, Piper was the one that had kissed him, not the other way around. This is what real life was like though right? Relationships didn't get out of the starting gate, and his biggest worry was whether or not the pizza place down the road from his apartment would be open by the time he got home.

He got to leave promptly when the actual concert started, so he made it back with plenty of time to grab a pizza. Absolutely delicious, cheap, dripping grease pizza. He felt better just thinking about it. He didn't want to subject Baby's seat to that though, so he parked in the apartment's garage and walked the half-block over.

As soon as he was out the door, he folded a piece in half and shoved it in his mouth, juggling the box for a moment as he closed it and got everything back in order. Pizza couldn't fix everything, but that's where pie came in, to fix the other half. He didn't have pie though, so this would have to do for tonight.

He turned on the tv and polished off the rest of the box. Then he realized that he was still in jeans and changed into sleep pants, shucking off his shirt and throwing it in the laundry hamper-- because he had a laundry hamper now, that was the kind of turn his life had taken. He sat back on the couch and wondered if he should even attempt sleeping yet. It wasn't too late, and he was used to staying up for a few more hours when he was closing at P3. Laying in bed might be pointless and only serve to make it harder to get to sleep.

A knock came at the door, and he frowned. A few people knew where he lived, but it's not like they ever visited. Chances were it was someone who had the wrong apartment, a common problem with half the numbers peeled or missing from the doors. He looked through the peephole out of habit, then frowned at what he saw: Piper. Why was Piper at his doorstep?

He unhooked the chain and unlocked the door, opening it slowly. "Piper? What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping we could talk. About earlier."

Dean's frown deepened, even as he opened the door wider to let her in. "I thought we said everything we needed to."

"Not really." She ran a hand through her hair as she walked in, the long strands seamlessly falling into their new place.

He closed the door but didn't lock it, not wanting her to feel confined.

"Listen," she said, turning to him. She hesitated, eyes trailing over his bare torso. Her cheeks pinked, but she brought her eyes back up to his face like it didn't happen. "My family requires a lot from me, and from anyone I'm dating. Leo-- my ex-husband-- he knew about the details from the start so I didn't have to worry about it, and it just seems like every time I find someone new, they can't handle it."

"I think you'd be surprised at how much I can take." He crossed his arms over his chest, and Piper's eyes flickered down automatically.

"I'd love to find out, but it. It's too big a risk."

"You said that earlier, Piper," he said, not judging. "We already talked about this, why are you here?"

She hesitated, and he understood: she wanted to give in, but she needed to be convinced, for him to take the first step.

He swallowed, wondering if this was the right decision but knowing he was going to try it anyways. "You know, it doesn't have to be that serious. We can... try it on. See if it goes anywhere, and deal with the problems as they come."

"I have a kid," she reminded him, but it was obvious now that she felt that she needed to remind him, not that it was a denial.

"That doesn't mean you can't have fun."

"Pregnant ladies don't really get to have fun if it's not about the pregnancy."

"Says who?" Dean made a show of looking around the apartment, then stepped closer so they were in the same space. "I don't see anyone here but you and me."

He started to lean down, giving her plenty of time to change her mind. Plenty of time to say 'actually you know what I was wrong, sorry'. But she didn't. She tilted her head up, smiling slightly when he bumped their noses together teasingly before pressing their lips together. It shouldn't have been a life-changing moment, but the way they molded together felt like something he'd been missing his whole life. One of her hands came up to help hold him in place, her fingers curling around the back of his neck. Her other hand went up to his arm, curving to the skin easily as he put his hand in the middle of her back and pulled her closer.

It had been a long time since Dean kissed someone for so long his lips started to feel sore, but here it was, happening to him as a grown-ass adult. He had an ache in his back from leaning down for so long, but he didn't want to stop. He felt absolutely desperate, his cock hard and straining against his boxer-briefs, and his best comfort was that Piper didn't look much better. Her pupils were blown wide, and her cheeks were stained red with want. Both of their lips were swollen from kissing for so long. Taking a chance, Dean asked, "Do you want to come to my room?"

"Yes," she said immediately, before he had time to worry that he was pushing for too much. It was a small place, so they were in his room a few seconds later.

"Can I take this off?" Dean asked, sliding his hands under her shirt on the sides. In response, she lifted her arms, so Dean picked up the edges and pulled it up. His eyes roved over her skin, and he followed it with his hands a moment later when he realized he could. "You're gorgeous," he breathed. He kissed her again, fingers playing with the clasp on her bra in question.

She gave his arms a squeeze in answer, and he flicked his fingers, undoing it. Piper stepped back and dropped it on the ground, then pushed her pants past her hips and climbed on his bed. She lay there, head propped up on pillows and legs slightly spread showing trimmed pubic hair and a glistening entrance.

"So fucking gorgeous," he muttered, pushing his pants and underwear down in one go. He knew it would be smarter to grab a condom and lube now, but he wanted to kiss her again and nothing was going to stop him from doing that.

Piper groaned, one of her legs curving over Dean in an instinctual bid to keep him there. "Dean," she gasped. "Please."

"Sorry," he said quickly, giving her a quick peck. "Didn't mean to tease. Just can't stop kissing you." He kissed her cheek three times in rapid succession, causing her to giggle. He grinned, giving her one last kiss before rolling off her and rifling through the nightstand. He opened a condom packet, then hesitated before putting it on. "You sure you want this?"

Instead of making some sort of joke about how ready she was, she grinned at him. She had a few crooked teeth, and in the light of the streetlamps, it was obvious she was pregnant. Her hair was half stuck under her back and half splayed out on his cheap sheets. Dean had never wanted someone more. "I'm sure," she said. "Come on and show me how good our relationship can be."

He grinned back at her. "I can do that, no problem." He rolled on the condom, following it with a little lube just to be safe. Once he was back between her legs, she bent her knees to make the angle better. He slid inside slowly, knowing that he could go faster but wanting to take his time. Piper was warm and wet, and he wanted this to last forever at the same time he wanted to fuck her hard and give both of them the completion they were craving.

Dean rocked into her, responding to each of her gasps of pleasure with a moan of his own. It was slow and sweet, building up so leisurely that he was almost surprised when he came, grinding their hips together as she clutched at his shoulders.

"God, Dean, that was," she trailed off with an appreciative laugh.

Feeling very proud of himself, he smiled, giving her another kiss. "Yeah." Laying on top of her was lots of fun for him, but certainly less for her, so he rolled to the side, carefully taking the condom off so he wouldn't make a mess.

"Mm." Her eyes closed, and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep just as she was. "Can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure. It's just right over there," he said unnecessarily, pointing in its direction.

"Thanks." She pushed herself up and went over. After she peed, she walked back over and sat on the bed.

"You can stay if you want." He'd prefer it that way, of course, but they'd agreed that this didn't have to be serious.

Piper thought it over, then laid down. "Maybe for a little bit." She stretched her arms with a satisfied groan, and Dean took the chance to use the bathroom himself and get cleaned up. He went back to the living room and locked the door.

He'd expected for it to be awkward when he got back because that's what he was used to, but there was a comfortable air in the room when he got under the covers with her. Getting to sleep had always been easier after sex, and this time was no exception.

It was a rude awakening when a phone started ringing, echoing in the sparsely decorated room. "What the-" He reached for his on the nightstand automatically, but it was silent.

Piper groaned, throwing the covers off of her and rifling through her pant's pockets on the ground until she found it. She flicked it open with an annoyed, "What?" as she sat back on the bed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Is something wrong? Was there an attack?" Pause. "Then why-?" She blew out a breath. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot to call. No I'll be home in a little bit." She rolled her eyes as she got back up and started picking up her clothes. "Don't come get me, I drove. I swear to god Paige, you worry more than Chris. Yeah yeah, I love you too." She hung up and rubbed her eyes.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked, voice rough from sleep.

"Yeah, my family's just worried. I forgot to tell them I wouldn't be by until late."

Dean checked his clock. They hadn't been asleep more than an hour, which explained why he felt so stupidly tired right now. He ran a hand over his face, then sat up. He grabbed a pair of underwear and slid them on, then helped Piper gather the rest of her clothes.

"Thanks," she said, then again when she was at the door. She pulled him down for another kiss. "I had a great time. See you around?"

"Definitely. Have a safe drive."

They smiled at each other again, and she left, hair softly tousled in a way that made Dean's heart ache.

#charmed #spn #piper halliwell #dean winchester #fanfic #my writing

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madd-information · 5 years

Text

This is long so I submitted it this way instead of sending in like 1,000 asks. Hope that’s okay?

Hi I’m Twoot and idk if I have (have? Is that the right term?) madd but I might and I’m looking into it. I’ve tried to do some research but idk how well it matches up. For as long as I can remember I’ve sort of created my own worlds or pretended that I was part of some that already existed (based off of youtubers, shows, books, etc. When I was younger it was a big mix of me as a person experiencing it and a character as me experiencing it but recently it’s just been me as characters) It’s not *all* of my life but when I sat down to write this all out I realized how much it happens. and I’m an only child living with only my dad so i didn’t have many real ppl to play w growing up and I have a lot of alone time. I spend a lot of my (mostly) alone time (walking to and from school, being home alone, in bed at night (so much plot in the stories/worlds I build happens at night), and even sometimes in social situations,, tho it depends) doing what I have dubbed in the latest years “The Characters Thing” (I’m just going to call it TCT for now bc I’m not %100 sure if it’s madd or not so that’s just what I’m going to refer to it as here)

Usually when I get into something (bc of my adhd when I get into a fandom type thing I hyperfixate and *rly* get into it) my whole world revolves around that thing. I create a sort of au and story in my head and they often times never wrap up before moving on to the next one. While I’m involved in one of my hyperfixations I usually do TCT about them and start a storyline which I continue throughout my day. These can last from one afternoon (tho that’s p uncommon) to months. They change as my hyperfixations change bc once I tire of those the characters/world no longer interest me and my hyperfixations usually last for a couple months. Right now I’m into Moomin so for example I would be Snufkin or the Joxter (it switches who I am A Lot depending on what’s happening in the story/ where I am while I’m doing TCT bc I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is actually madd) and go thru parts of the story I’m making as them. I don’t think of myself as becoming them ig?? Looking back I’m still me,, I’m the body,, the one experiencing things but during TCT the concept of “Twoot” (me) is gone and I perceive things and react to situations (irl or in the story in my head) as the character. It’s never in third person as I am always a certain character and even if I imagine others I do not act as them even tho I sort of control them. Another thing I forgot to add is that I can switch between what character I am. It often varies from world to world and story to story but sometimes I switch characters randomly bc my mood changes and the way I’m acting would better fit another character or my hyperfixation might shift and maybe a different character seems more appealing at that time. It’s like when you’re reading a fic and some of the chapters are in the POV of a different character. Tho for me it’s never third person no matter what. I always see it thru the eyes of the character I am.

There can sometimes be multiple worlds/stories happening at the same time which sometimes stumps me on what one to continue with when I do TCT. The stories never happen at the same time but if there are stories that are super short (last for only an afternoon or so,, but again these are super rare) there might be characters from multiple things in the same place. One recently for me was a world of me walking back from school after a stressful class where two characters (strongly tied to emotions. The three characters here are the only ones that are tied to emotions and pop up when I am feeling a certain emotion. Tho there are exceptions like there’s a character that always pops up when I’m stimming.) Who represent pettiness and anger (Marvin from Falsettos being the main one. (The only time when I act as him is when I am feeling petty or selfish and angry bc falsettos isn’t my hyperfixation anymore and I wasn’t usually him when it was my hyperfixation) Little my from Moomin was the other but unlike Marvin me feeling angry isn’t the only time she pops up bc that’s not all she’s included for and she’s part of my current hyperfixation) where talking to me (At the moment I was snufkin from the Moomins who i use to make my emotions stable bc he is always calm and collected. He’s also the main character I am rn bc he’s my favorite and from my current hyperfixation) even tho Marvin is not from Moomin and little my and snufkin aren’t from falsettos. This kind of world with mixing characters and it being so short (only lasted for half of my walk home) is v v uncommon tho it does happen. It is also an example of one of the kinds of situations that happen when I do TCT.

There are three kinds.

One: Real world. This is where the characters (Sometimes just the character I am and sometimes there are others around me) are responding to things that are happening around me activity. Example: Worrying about a test I have, playing a video game, or doing something activity that is happening irl. This can easily bleed into the second type if I am doing something nonspecific like walking home or eating dinner.

Two: Imaginary situations: This is where I am doing something during TCT that I am not doing in the real world. Example: irl I am in bed but durning TCT I am walking around the forest(little irl movement and acting bc I am lying down and I cannot speak bc I might be heared by my dad) or irl I am just home alone but during TCT I am going shopping with another character (a lot of irl movement. I can talk, run around, grab props to use and use them, etc.)

Three: Including other people: This is why it doesn’t affect my social situations negatively. This is where I am interacting with other people and see myself as one character and those around me as others. This usually follows the rules of the forst kind bc I base things around what is actually happening. If I am around my little cousins sometimes I can play with them and suggest what we play using the world I’m focused on at the time (it’s not that weird bc I’m 14 and we don’t see each other that often but when we do we’re all v close and it’s not as weird or forced as it sounds) and I’m the character I am at that time and might even suggest them to be other characters from it. If not this can actually star a branching work with my cousins ocs as characters that I might or might not use if I continue that branch. If I am around friends we don’t play that often anymore bc were all about 14 so we play less and less but there was a long lasting hyperfixation that rly was great for TCT bc my friends where into it at the same time and often played and/or rped as these characters. So sometimes they might play along but most of the time for type three I only imagine them to be other characters. I assign them a character that matches who they are and hang out with them as I act on the way my character as they and build the story in my head as things happen irl. Examples: irl I’m eating dinner at a restaurant with my dad and grandparents but during TCT I am the character eating dinner with the other characters in the world in my characters dining room, irl I am in the ocean on a beach trip with my friends but during TCT I am a Character that is trapped on an island and swimming to somewhere else with the few other characters for company, or irl I am in a car going to a friends house while it’s late with her mom driving us but during TCT I am the character on a train traveling to to town for the first time to go to an inn while I chat with a character that is a stranger (even if irl she’s my best friend) and the nosy lady in front of us who keeps interrupting our generally peaceful train ride

I am always aware that I am doing TCT and usually (I think? I’ve never tried to specifically shut down any “sessions” of TCT) in control of when it stops/starts and there is no inner world. I am aware of what the body is seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. irl but TCT is happening on top of it(?)

If there are other characters besides just me in a scene (unless I’m with other people and assign them a character that suits them in my head) I see them even tho they’re not there? They are invisible but I can tell what they look like and where they are at any given time. In the “scenes” im never “transported” anywhere. Sort of. I can decide where the room I’m in is in the story (like I say that my room is really the inside of a tent or that the restaurant I’m in is the dining room of my character’s house) but it’s the same as how the characters look. I perceive everything as it is but imagine that things look different. This also happens with real people I assign characters to in my head. My eyes see the people but my brain, ig in my minds eye sees what the character they “are” looks like.

There are multiple different reasons that TCT happens for me. Most of the time it’s because I’m bored (I have adhd-pi (the inattentive type) so this happens quite a lot) but I also use it to deal with situations I want to personally distance myself from.

Like because I have sensory issues it’s Awful for me that I have to go out to eat with my grandparents every week and have to hear them chew food. So I start doing TCT and handle things how my character would handle it. If I end up spiraling and breaking down then TCT is torn away and my mind stops thinking of that as I am too preoccupied with the breakdown (usually dealing with personal things so it’s harder to place a character on it)

I have recently started to use TCT to my advantage during breakdowns and either acting as a more stable character they ig to calm themself down OR be Twoot (me) (this is v uncommon for me this past year or so unless it’s to do what I’m explaining now) and have the characters “there with me” to calm me down. It all depends on the specific experience.

What makes me question if madd is what I’m experiencing or not is bc It doesn’t usually affect my social life; if I’m doing TCT I just have my friends/family be other characters (tho I don’t tell them this ofc) and it’s not like an actual dream. I still experience reality while it’s happening and it’s not too vivid (I have memories of the parts of stories like they really happened but as I explained before things seem sort of transparent so they aren’t too detailed) also it’s not third person. I have to experience it in first person weather I’m acting it out (this is ideal, I do this if I’m home alone or walking somewhere alone. If I can’t speak and move around to act them out I mouth things out and imagine that I am doing the things, but not rly bc I imagine doing things in first person if that makes sense, or if I rly have to it all happens inside my head but that’s only if I’m in a social situation where I can’t move around. If I’m in a social situation with friends I can move around in I move and and act in the ways that the character I am at the moment would/ is in my story and have my friends be the characters while I build the story around what is happening irl)

If there’s anything else I should explain but at this time that is all I can think of to share. I hope this makes sense. If it’s not madd do you have any idea what it could be?

I always thought me doing this was normal then when I realized it wasn’t I thought it was just my adhd but I had kind of realized it might be something else and it made me think after I brought up the fact that I did this to my therapy group as a way to distance Myself from situations that are uncomfortable and deal with stress so I decided to do some digging and madd seemed rly close but I thought I’d ask someone before I go and self diagnose let alone talk to my dad about it.

#maladaptive daydreaming #actuallymadd #.#Oml this was so long im so sorry #it also probably didnt make muchc sense #oof #thank you for running this blog tho its lovy and thank you fir reading my cinfused ramblings!#submission

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