#they don't diagnose it in kids because kids are just Like That sometimes

[elytrafemme]

anyway it ain't even like i've forgone all diagnoses because i do say i have CPTSD and i talk about having ocd tendencies, an ED, hell i have said i have BPD tendencies in the past too. and i know a lot of my own perspective on disorders is defined by how desperately i searched to clinicalize things that were all not really diagnosable (ex. my pseudo-manias that i thought were bipolar in nature for hereditary & psychological reason but turn out to just be a separate thing that is unresolved; my dissociative issues and how i was part of a full vivid system and am no longer, etc.) plus the fact that my therapist is anti diagnosis. so like... yeah. i mean nevertheless i still argued with her over hours about diagnoses but i guess as someone who doesn't need medication or accommodations (though sometimes i think it might help) my perspective on diagnoses is a lot more "fuck them, they don't explain what happened." because i seriously did try to diagnose myself to just feel like my issues were real, and i never found that diagnosis so i was convinced i like didn't experience any of it. and that was really weird and confusing and stressful. so having whatever breakthrough it took to realize that i don't really need a diagnostic explanation was really personally lifechanging, but again, this is not attempting to diminish the fact that other people may feel differently and i am privileged in a lot of my experiences with therapy.

** also i need to make so crystal clear that you are not a bad person for having any disorder discussed here and that when i talk about my unfortunate experiences with believing i have BPD that is not saying that BPD results from someone being "crazy" or "doing something wrong" -- that is so entirely not what i mean. **

[jotun-appologist]

Legit cannot tell if the accutane is making me drowsy and fatigued, if its simply my anemia from being on my cycle, or the aforementioned cycle itself, or the also plausible idea that I am simply just heatsick because summer is starting and its getting warm here.

Or some combination

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[psychoticallytrans]

There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

[the-maddened-hatter]

Alright so I pretty much said all of this verbatim on a reblog of someone else's post, but I wanted to put it here on my blog too.

As I've mentioned before, I would *very* much like to see Peri canonically having a disability that causes him to use his wand/cane and not just have it be an accessory, and so I analyzed the episodes he's in that I've been able to see so far and came up with a few observations:

As much as I'd be unopposed to seeing it portrayed, leg issues don't really seem like a major deal to fairies in general given as Cosmo misplaced his for most of an episode and a pair of sticks were a good enough replacement for him to have fun at the arcade in human form (without even drawing human attention)

And Peri can apparently use his powers as listed above without his cane since he doesn't always immediately have it on his person (especially since Dev & Hazel took his cane in Lost in Fairy World and he didn't have any power or mobility problems)

But!

I *could* easily see him having some kind of magical fatigue issue or magical equivalent of hypotonia or balance disorder, since he's shown to be

very tired after a morning spent magically creating cupcakes (a probably small but very repetitive task that leaves him running low on energy)

When his stationary float is disrupted he remains seated instead of floating back up again

3. A minor contact/startle reflex is enough to disrupt his hover and cause him to immediately fall pretty hard if not very far

4. speaking of distance, he is shown to sometimes float a bit lower than his parents, which, while not consistent and likely just an animation choice, could tie in with the other points to support the diagnosis theory

However, pain may admittedly be more of a factor than the above images suggest,

he may not just be tired from shape shifting like I'd thought since right before that he was walking (albeit in horse form) and afterwards (low) cloud float is apparently easier and faster for him than just quickly trotting past his parents

He also didn't really seem to be having too much of a problem at all before he hit the ground

Where it goes to a definitely tired and possibly more pained look.

Maybe he didn't want to tell Dev that it was painful either out of pride or because he didn't want to potentially upset him and just went with "tired" because that was what he assumed. It'd be interesting to see if it happens again in a different form.

Personally I think it'd be cool to see both and have it be a chronic condition (directly magical or otherwise) that he already had before the series began (diagnosed or not).

If he's the first fairy kid born in a long time he probably would have been monitored very closely, but it may have taken a while for doctors to notice a problem since there was little reference for comparison and may have even caused some potentially serious problems that gave Comso & Wanda a bad scare, which could tie in pretty well with their developing a high amount of over protectiveness of him, and that in turn leading him to try and behave too far in the other direction (not seeking help when he really does need it, pushing himself way too hard and suffering the fallout which he then tries to hide, ect)

If he's undiagnosed but having the problems it could be interesting to see sort of an inversion of the "character must learn to accept their disability" storyline wherein he's more connecting certain events & symptoms and we get to see him adapting to accommodations and letting himself try different approaches moreso than to having new symptoms (though we as the audience may see these symptoms more or behaviors contextualized as symptoms where they weren't necessarily before).

Idk either way I just think it would be cool (and I've probably put away more analysis into this than will ever pay off lol)

also to everyone who draws him as a disabled mobility device user: ILY please draw more of it it feeds my soul

[kryannoy]

Hey, can we have a Yan!Andrew Graves with Reader?

genre: sfw, headcanons + fic

characters: yandere!andrew graves x reader

warnings: manipulation, gaslighting, obsession, possessive andrew

a/n: i don't normally write yandere characters so this was a bit of a challenge. hope this suits your request and enjoyed reading!

He's so obsessed with you but he's subtle with it—more like whatever stupid thing he does, he'll make sure you don't see it.

When he loves you, he'll make sure to keep you happy just so you will always come to him whenever something happens. He'll open a bottle cap for you without being told, he'll wipe your mouth with his fingers if it's messy—totally not putting them in his mouth afterwards. He'll open the door for you, let you cry on his shoulder, gives you hugs when you need it. Every subtle thing to manipulate you into coming back to him when you need support.

If someone talks to you, he'll be right behind you with arms wrapped around your waist while glaring daggers at the other person.

"No, no. Continue. Don't mind me, pretend that I don't exist."

To you, his tone sounds normal but to the poor guy, it's like a cleaver skinning them alive.

If someone even looks at you without you knowing, it's gonna be hell for them. He somehow won't be afraid to kidnap that person, tie them up and threaten them with Andrew's favorite cleaver until the person is diagnosed with PTSD.

He will shamelessly go back to you with a smile on his handsome face as if nothing happened.

Andrew would kill anyone for you but if you tell him not to, he won't.

Although, he knows you would be scared if you saw him murdering people, he won't do it anyways. The last thing he wants is you running away from him.

You have no idea why people start to turn their backs on you and you would think that you've done something wrong. So, you ask Andrew for advice or if he knows anything, exactly what he planned for.

And he would smile innocently from his success and spread out his arms. You would dive into his comfy sweater without knowing the hands that are holding you are the hands that have done so many questionable and criminal acts.

"C'mere you. Aw, you poor thing! I'm sure no one hates you. Who would? They're probably out of social energy from a rough day or something. Don't you worry!"

He'll kiss your forehead, then your nose, and lastly, your lips. You would smile and he would smile into the kiss while thinking how naive you are.

He admits sometimes that he feels guilty for deceiving you but what can he do? How could he come up to you and admit to all the crimes he's done? You wouldn't look at him the same anymore, would you? Would you still love him despite knowing what he did or what he ate? He wouldn't take any risks. If he has the person he loves the most in his arms, why would he easily throw you away?

If the truth hasn't been told, he'll keep you for himself. He'll keep you forever.

You knew he acted differently than normal people. He's a little different because of his upbringing, and that's normal for kids with neglected parents growing up with a weird habit of theirs and that was just his charm, right?

Because you think it was just a charm of his, you didn't run when you had the chance to. Besides, if he was so sweet to you, so kind to you, so good to you, he wouldn't hurt you, would he?

There's a reunion dinner later tonight with your old high school mates and of course you're coming. You haven't seen your friends in a long time. You've already informed Andrew of this and for the past week he was okay with it, but why is his tone now sounded . . . different?

"You're going?" He asked from the couch. One of his legs propped up on the other and an arm over the couch. His green eyes look up and down at your fit that he knows you chose the best from your closet. You're going to meet some nobodies with that outfit? You didn't even wear something so pretty when he's around! Not that you aren't pretty. It's just you put a tiny bit less effort when going out or being with Andrew.

"I've already told you, haven't I?" You're putting on your shoes at the front door and you hear some shuffling. Your hand is at the doorknob now. "I'll be back before ten. I prom—"

The door slams shut again before you could even open a crack. You can feel him behind you. His hands on the door, caging you between him and the solid wood.

"You are not going." His voice is low, almost threatening.

You turn around to face. You do not want to have this conversation right now. You're going to be late, that is if you find a way to stir this around to go your way.

"Andrew, this is unfair. Last week, you told me I can go so why are you backing out now? Tonight of all days!"

It wasn't his intention to upset you nor ruin your night but why are they taking you away from him?

"Why are you still excited about going? Don't you remember what they've done to you? They isolated you . . . remember?"

They isolated you. Yeah, right. He was the reason behind it anyways, but poor you who loves him too never suspected your own boyfriend was the culprit.

"They . . . didn't. You said they didn't have the energy to talk," your voice was almost a whisper. You weren't even confident of your own answer. You're starting to reminisce about the old days at school. Sure, they didn't talk to you anymore, but the reunion dinner is going to be different, right?

His hand moves down to lock the door but his actions made you take a step back, hitting the door. You forgot you're kind of trapped right now with no way out unless reasoning with him first.

"You don't really have to go . . ." The same hand moves up to your hair, tucking some strands behind your ear ever so gently it's almost . . . unnervingly creepy. "Do you?"

His eyebrow raised in question.

Your heart is starting to pick up its pace. Your fingertips are running cold. You don't understand yourself why you're so nervous in front of him. I mean, you had been nervous around him but this is a different kind of nervous. It's fear. Fear of him. However, he never hurt you yet. He never raised his voice to you. He's always been nice and sweet to you. But you really can't help this weird feeling.

So you slowly tell him how you feel.

"You're scaring me."

And there it is. It hit something in him. It's the last thing he wants, but the first thing to make you listen to him.

You can see his facial expression changes from demanding to guilt.

"Love, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just me!" His caging arms now freeing you while backing away a bit, most likely a tactic to show you he's innocent. "I'm just saying, wouldn't you be left out at dinner? I don't want my pretty girl coming home sad and disappointed when the past week you've been so excited about this dinner."

Andrew takes your silence to continue. "Stay here. With me."

You really want to insist on going yet you don't want to risk starting a fight. But it's unfair! You always let him win you over, now he needs to listen and let you go. Maybe a small chance could probably lead to a huge success.

"But please!" You drag the word longer, hoping he'll give in. "I haven't seen my friends for I don't how many years. It's just this once."

You seem energetic again. He takes this chance to step closer, a hand on the side of your face. His thumb brushes along your glossed lips you put on earlier, smudging it. His gaze move up from your lips to your eyes.

"I'm sorry, darling, but no means no." He said it so softly before he kissed you longingly. You somehow melt into him despite your disagreement. He's really not losing—like always.

He broke off the kiss to continue persuading you to stay. "I'm doing this for your own good. Sometimes you're too naive to be staying around them. You're too nice. I've seen it. And it hurts to watch you being used and throw you away."

You exhale a deep breath from the stress. Maybe Andrew's right. Maybe you are too naive to realize. They asked you for homework and notes, but then one day, they stopped talking to you. Maybe they really did see no use in you they've fulfilled their satisfaction.

But Andrew . . . Andrew never stopped talking to you. Andrew never threw you away. Andrew was always there through it all. Andrew never left you by yourself.

Like right now.

"Okay," you spoke softly, like a whisper, before nodding your head. "I'll stay in with you."

Good thing you were looking at the ground because now, Andrew can't hide the big smile on his face. He successfully manages to keep you by his side. His heart beats rapidly from the excitement, his skin was buzzing. He can be with you tonight. He can stay with you. Just the two of you!

He pulls you in his arms and strokes your hair. "That's my good girl. Always so obedient." He kisses the crown of your head before leading you to your bedroom so you can change to a more comfortable clothes.

He dreams of having you by his side forever but he doesn't want to go to extreme measures such as locking you in or tying you up. Maybe not just yet. Since you're so good to him and love him too, you deserve to roam around freely until you start to disobey.

He wouldn't want to do it but tonight, he was close to doing so just from how persistent you were.

[homunculus-argument]

I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 27. Back when I was a kid, I was bad at school and literally did not voluntarily do my homework unprompted before I was like 14. Mom told me to tell my sister to help me, and she wouldn't because parenting me wasn't her job, and mom just figured that if my sister isn't going to do it, then nobody's going to. She just accepted that she has one kid who wants to do well at school, and one who doesn't.

I remember one time as an adult, I was talking with my mom, and told her that I sometimes wish she would have at least tried to push me into doing better at school, at least enough to notice that it's not normal that an 8-year-old would have to be dragged into doing homework kicking and screaming (sometimes literally), and maybe I would have been tested for it like 15 years earlier and I wouldn't have struggled with an undiagnosed brain issue my entire adult life until I understood I can't study even the things I want to do, and sought help on my own.

Mom just shrugged and said she's never seen the point of pushing children to do things they don't want, kids will turn out the way they want to turn out no matter what you do. I needed to make sure I understood her right, and asked her if she's really saying that she sees no point in even trying to raise children, because they'll raise themselves anyway. She nodded, satisfied that I had understood the core of her wisdom.

I didn't cut my family out of my life because of the way my childhood was, but how they treated me as an adult. The exact details of the prompting incident itself that was the final straw are irrelevant, but my mother was shocked and baffled of why I would do that. She didn't raise me to be someone who would just cut ties like that over insults that go unaknowledged and unapologised.

But I sure did.

[no-face-no-shame]

A quick vent but this really bothered me

Why do people like All Might bashing so much? Like, what's the point? Especially since most of it is so out of character that it's just painful to read. Like, he's not flawless (that's kinda the point of his character - breaking the illusion of perfection.) But writing him as abusive/mean is just ridiculous, taking into consideration that his big *thing* is wanting good for others.

Today I saw a fic where the whole plot was basically "Aizawa is a good dad to Izuku who's diagnosed with autism, while All Might is horrible and ableist." Excuse me, but WHAT?? Ah yes, that man who's famously DISABLED, would totally be ableist and think that accommodation for a disabled student is "too much" and "unnecessary." That man who needs constant medical assist, who had to change his whole life to accommodate to his disability. Yeaaaaah, right.

Also, why are so many of AM bashing fics at the same time putting other teachers on pedestal. Aizawa was pretty awful to Izuku at the beginning, because he's a very judgemental person who needed to learn that he's sometimes wrong about others and that Izuku had a lot to offer. He certainly wasn't a perfect teacher, none of the UA teachers were. Aizawa got a great character development and later on was a good, dedicated teacher who sacrificed a lot for his kids. But treating him like he's a total angel who would never do anything wrong is just incorrect, especially considering that he's rough on students that are different from the rest in the way he considers "bad".

It really rubs me the wrong way when people literally ignore canon personalities of characters, break and reshape them into something those characters never were. You want a bad mentor for Izuku? Write an AU where his mentor is AFO. Write a villain AU where All Might is the bad guy and he's using Izuku as a tool. Or literally make an OC at this point. Just work with a different character that actually matches what you want to portray. Make Endeavour Izuku's mentor. Literally anything works better than trying to make All Might into a bad, cruel and abusive person. That's exactly the thing he'd never do.

I'm all for interpretations that focus more on the negative side of various characters - it can be very interesting. But some of y'all really just decided that you don't like AM for some reason and decided to rewrite the whole character, turning him inside out, to fit your personal issues with him. Issues that simply aren't there

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

Please, elaborate more on these Hazbin Hotel headcanons. I’m very interested in hearing about them.

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

Since you didn't ask about anything specific, I'll just give some headcanons on Vs since I think about them the most.

> Vs are not a polycule, it's VoxVal + Velvette because she would never touch any of these losers. What's more, Vox and Val are extremely sexist (I mean it's kinda canon, we heard how they speak about women) so if she had sex with any (or both) of them, she would no longer be one of the boys and become one of the bitches.

> Vox has NPD, Val has BPD, Vel has APD.

> Vox is continuously overstimulated because he's constantly connected to his web. That's why snaps so easily and sometimes goes through 5 stages of grief in 5 seconds. He could disconnect (and sometimes he does) but he's too much of a control freak to not lurk constantly.

> During his life on earth, Valentino had a terrible, toxic father. Very much machismo who abused him relentlessly for being queer. (Not that I want to make him sympathetic, I just think that evil people are often miserable before they become evil.) Because Val is very queer, not just "man occasionally fucking other men", he's always been loud and proud pansexual and gender non-conforming. He wasn't some kind of activist, very concerned about queer issues, he just refused to stay in the closet out of spite, and because it made men around him uncomfortable. He just enjoyed being perceived as a deviant. It was one of the things that eventually got him killed.

> Vox is like a hardcore sadist. He cuts people open just to feel powerful.

> During his life on Earth, Vox used to be extremely homophobic because his bisexuality was threatening to his masculinity. He's also the embodiment of toxic white masculinity from the 50's. He actually did some personal growth in Hell, eg. He gave up racism, homophobia, transphobia, and most other -phobias, and now he despites everyone rather equally. He just bullies women more because misogynistic violence is a low-hanging fruit.

> So with Velvette I had some fun because she manifested in Hell not so long ago and happened to be as powerful as other Vs, who had much more experience and souls collected. So I assumed she must be completely deranged. I came up with the idea that she used to be a toxic influencer who built a cult-like following around her. She weaponized it against multiple people, ruining lives, and manipulating kids into committing crimes or even suicides. Her methods are very fine, Vox and Val have nothing on her when it comes to cruelty.

> Velvette is not misogynistic per se but she despises weak women who can't fight for themselves. That's why other Vs behavior don't bother her, she doesn't feel threatened by their aggression.

> Angel Dust has BPD and an eating disorder. That's why he fell for Valentino so terribly, to trust him with his soul. He used to think that Valentino is the only person fucked up enough to truly love him as damaged as he'd been. (More hc about Val and Angel here). Actually Val has a very similar backstory to him - a queer, gender non-conforming man in a very masculine environment (I'm not sure how canonic is Angel working for the Italian Mafia at this point but I stick to it until proven otherwise).

Other headcanos about Vox and Val ❤️🩵

[marumaruz-haikyuu-agere]

Hq disability Headcanons

A somewhat detailed list of my haikyuu medical headcanons

Nishinoya Yuu - Type 1 diabetes and sensory neuropathy

Was diagnosed at 5

Inherited from parents

Prefers an insulin pump to insulin injections

Diabetes causes his sensory neuropathy

Nerve damage in his arms causing bruises because he can't tell when to stop practicing

Kenma Kozume - Hearing loss in both ears, noise damage

Plays games and music with the volume too high causing damage from all the years he's been doing it

Doesn't like to admit that he has hearing problems

Uses CIC (Completely In the Canal) hearing aids because they're small and unnoticeable

Also uses his hair to cover them because even when he knows they're hard to see he's still pretty self-conscious about them

Tendou Satori - Vitamin B deficiency, Motor Neuropathy, Audhd

Tendou has a vitamin B12 deficiency which results in him developing peripheral neuropathy, more specifically motor neuropathy

It causes him muscle spasms/twitching and gives him a barely noticeable foot drop

I think he has Audhd and struggles with paying attention and wanting to move around a lot

He doesn't have a specific hyperfixation exactly but is full of lots of little facts about lots of things

Hinata Shoyo - Audhd, Dyspraxia

I don't think i really need to explain Hinata's Audhd but I will anyways

It's one of the reasons he has so much energy while he's practicing, because he already struggles with staying still but also because it's one of his special interests

It helps him more if things are explained at the speed his brainis going instead of going slowly

I think he has Dyspraxia too because it explains a lot of his struggles in volleyball

It also ties into why the quick attack pair works so well because Hinata has to focus less on getting everything right himself and can put his attention into his motor skills

Oikawa Tooru - Osteoarthritis

Osteoarthritis is pretty common

It causes joint pain and stiffness in most cases

And it's most common in places like the knees

It's usually from old age but in Oikawa's case it's from trying to play after an injury without letting it fully heal

But he refuses to admit that he has a problem

Kageyama Tobio - Dyslexia

He's incredibly dyslexic

Nobody knows though, everyone just thinks he's really dumb

He has consulted someone about it unfortunately he talked to Hinata who also has mild dyslexia mixed with the fact that his eyes won't stay on one point on his page

They both think that letters and numbers do that for everyone and that they just haven't figured out how to read it properly

Ushijima Wakatoshi - Autism

Definitely autistic

Pretty high functioning though

He's pretty slow on some social cues but the basic ones have been worked out in his brain

He has quite a high tolerance for most stuff but he's not the biggest fan of messing up schedules

Tsukishima Kei - Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Was partially inherited because Akiteru showed signs of it but not enough for a diagnosis

I think he specifically has cEDS (Classical EDS) because it fits him the most

I think he's been pretty used to his joints dislocating sometimes but doesn't realise that everyoen else around him isn't

The first time Yachi saw it she almost fainted

Particularly with cEDS people have easily bruised/breakable skin on their forehead, knees, shins and elbows

He has a few pretty big scars on his knees and shins from when he was a kid

They're also quite wide because with cEDS wounds heal quite slowly and leave wide scars

Bokuto Koutaro - Borderline Personality Disorder

This wasn't originally my idea (He wasn't actually going to be on here but it got pointed out to me yesterday)

BPD comes in four stages, Emotional instability, Disturbed patterns of thinking, Impulsive behaviour and Unstable relationships

With emotional instability it's usually intense negative emotions and severe mood swings which could contribute to his 'emo modes'

During disturbed patterns of thinking he'd get upsetting thoughts (like his emo mode) and hallucinations and distressing thoughts that he can't be talked out of

Impulsive behaviour is one i think he has less negatively but it's commonly negative in most cases

His impulsive behaviours are less harmful to himself and others

Unstable relationships are when he attaches himself to someone and I think that person/people would be Akaashi and Kuroo

Them trying to leave him would not go well, it's why he contacts them all the time because he doesn't like the feeling that they might leave him

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[cobaltperun]

Lost (24) - Landing in London

Tara Carpenter x female Reader

Summary: To anyone on the outside, and to Tara’s friends, you were Tara’s fierce protector, the MMA fighter who’d take anyone on for Tara. The Guard Dog, as Amber called you. You had no idea you’d have to protect her from people who claimed they loved her. It didn’t matter. As long as you and Tara had one another there was nothing you wouldn’t be able to survive.

Story warnings: Scream violence, family issues, trauma, angst, certain sensitive topics

Word count: 3.7k

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-And when the night falls in around me, I don't think I'll make it through, I'll use your light to guide the way, 'Cause all I think about is you-

She used to be lonely as a child. Woodsboro was a small place, children often met through parents, and her mother had her when she was young. Meaning while her parents were raising her their classmates and friends went out to party or went to college, meaning they had no kids Sam could hang out with when she was really young. So, Sam was lonely, Sam was alone, quickly learning that she couldn’t really go to anyone for company. Kids at kindergarten talked about watching cartoons with their parents, but Sam never had that. Her father, the only father she ever knew, even if she wasn’t his biological daughter, did his best, gave up on his dreams so he could take care of her. Her mother did the same thing, working, coming back home, taking care of Sam. They didn’t really struggle, they weren’t rich, but they had plenty, but Sam was lonely. All she ever wanted was to have someone to spend time with, to share moments and memories with.

And then the greatest gift Sam ever received in her life made the loneliness go away. Tara was born, a month earlier than she was supposed to be, and sickly, soon to be diagnosed with asthma, but she always, always looked at Sam with those expressive brown eyes and a happy smile that made Sam promise she would always protect her little sister. It broke Sam’s heart when Tara would spend another sleepless night, sick, sometimes just barely breathing, and still managed to smile at Sam.

Her strong, resilient little sister. Tara’s always been the strongest person Sam knew, enduring everything happening to her before she could even walk. Tara knew pain before she knew love, she knew sickness, and hospitals, and medicine before she knew playgrounds, parks, toys, playing, anything a child her age should know.

Sam loved Tara, more than anything in the world, but her love couldn’t replace the love of her parents. Unlike Sam, Tara never truly had that. Because Sam was loved as a child, her mother loved her, her father adored her, their family worked the way it was. Sam didn’t need much, so Sam was loved.

Her parents didn’t count on a sick child though, they didn’t count on all the medical bills, on all the time they’d need to spend taking care of Tara and taking her from one doctor to another. Looking back, perhaps finding out Sam wasn’t his daughter was only the excuse her father needed to leave them, because he could no longer handle having a sick child and now that the other one wasn’t his, well, it just gave him another excuse. Not to mention Christina was starting to drink some time before he left. He ran away, never to be heard from again, and Sam hated him for leaving Tara like that.

So, with him gone, money became a bit of an issue, and the only reason people didn’t really notice was Christina’s inherited house. Hell, Sam had no idea until several years later that Christina took money for Sam babysitting Chad, Mindy, and Wes. Sam didn’t say anything, because that money was used to pay for Tara’s medicine, and Sam would always protect Tara.

That was how she, now an angry teenager swung first before asking any questions when she saw an unfamiliar kid talking to Tara. That kid turned out to be you, trying to help Tara, but Sam didn’t know that at the time. She wouldn’t have even remembered your first meeting if Tara wasn’t angry at her for attacking you like that.

It was almost funny how the two of you were so drawn together, how Tara, without even knowing your name got angry at Sam. Tara was shy though, but she kept seeing you every now and then, and even though she never approached you, she’d tell Sam she saw the ‘cool girl’ in the hall between classes. So, Sam asked around as subtly as she could, finding out you were the only child of a rich family that recently moved to Woodsboro, but other than that she couldn’t find out anything about your family. She did learn you had an interest in martial arts, which explained the quick reaction when Sam attacked you.

Sam still remembered her anger when Tara, near the end of that year, and sicker than she was in a long time, told her how their mom didn’t pick her up from school and how she stood in the rain for an hour and a half. Yet, despite the temperature that was too high for home-made medicine, despite the cough and runny nose and all the other symptoms, Tara still looked happy, because she properly met you, and you carried her home in that rain. And when you dropped by the next day to check on Tara because she didn’t show up in school Sam saw the admiration in Tara’s eyes and somehow, without an explanation, she felt at peace.

And then you became a constant in Tara’s life, acting as her shield from the world. Sam remembered it as if it happened yesterday, the scene she walked into a few months before she left.

~X~

Tara hadn’t been this sick in a couple of years, probably since that time in the rain when you first carried her home. You kind of made sure of that, you skipped after-school activities when it was raining so you could make sure Tara got home as dry and warm as possible. You couldn’t protect Tara from everything, so when Christina’s neglect made Tara wait in front of the front doors for hours in cold weather, she got severely sick. She couldn’t even lie down without having a coughing fit, but Sam couldn’t panic. She couldn’t do much more than pick up medicine or make Tara some tea. She had to put faith in her mother to take care of Tara, even if every sign pointed toward the realization that Christina wouldn’t do that. Still, Sam had to hope because sooner rather than later Sam would leave and Tara would be left only with their mother.

She had to leave, she wasn’t safe for Tara, she was starting to hallucinate, waking up in the middle of the night and seeing her biological father. It took her several minutes to figure out what was real and what was her mind fucking with her, and she couldn’t let Tara see her like that. More importantly, she couldn’t risk hurting Tara in that state of confusion.

She still called her mother, just to ask how Tara was.

“W-what is it,” her mother answered and hiccupped, drunk, and Sam’s blood ran cold.

“Where are you? What about Tara?!” Sam demanded, for a moment wondering if she really could kill her mother, because she wanted nothing more than to do that, and that desire frightened her, strengthened her need to get away from Tara to protect her.

“At home, she’s fine~,” her mother drawled, and Sam wanted to crush her phone, to let her rage out, instead, she just ran home, barging in and running upstairs to Tara’s room. She didn’t hear coughing, she didn’t hear anything as she ran down the hallway, and she was frightened of what she would find when she opened the doors, but instead of Tara in pain or not breathing at all, she found Tara with you.

You were sitting in a not so comfortable position, leaning back against the rather uncomfortable headboard. You held a pillow to your chest, and Tara was right there, leaning on it and sleeping peacefully, half lying down, half sitting, but not coughing. She had the yellow teddy bear Sam bought her years ago next to her, and she was holding your hand, making you hug her from behind. From the corner of her eyes Sam noticed an almost eaten plate of soup, one that her mother definitely didn’t make. It was from a local restaurant, so you must have bought it for Tara.

Sam’s knees nearly buckled from relief, but the look in your eyes made her freeze, you were angry, but you couldn’t move, not without disturbing Tara’s peaceful slumber, and even as pissed as you were you wouldn’t do that. Sam saw you wanted nothing more than to get into a fight with Sam for leaving Tara alone when she was this sick, and Sam would have let you hit her as hard as you could, because she felt like she deserved it. Yet, you didn’t. Not because you cared about Sam, no, you talked every now and then and you were civil with one another, so no, it wasn’t because of Sam. It was because Tara would be sad if you and Sam fought, and you wouldn’t allow that.

“Y/N,” Tara mumbled weakly, and Sam noticed she held your hand a bit tighter now.

“I’m right here,” you soothed her, your thumb brushing against her hand as Tara settled down once more.

It was you. When Tara was sick and left alone by her mother, she didn’t call Sam, she called you, and you came, dropping who knows what just to take care of Tara. With how sick Tara was, she barely remembered calling you, she vaguely remembered you were there, but she most certainly didn’t remember sleeping while leaning back on you. Or if she did remember she definitely wasn’t sharing that with Sam.

~X~

The next time Sam saw you and Tara like that was after Tara was attacked, only there wasn’t a pillow between you two this time. Sam could never repay you for how much you cared for Tara while she was gone, because she was sure you’ve spent countless sleepless nights taking care of sick Tara, or simply keeping her company when she felt alone, abandoned by everyone else. Later, while you were training for your last two matches Tara told Sam about those times, about how she would always worry that you’d get sick taking care of her, yet you somehow remained resilient, not once getting sick. Tara also told her about all the times she had you watch The Babadook with her, or the times she just called you over so you could just hang out, do homework together or research random things.

Tara was always the happiest when you were with her, and Sam would forever cherish the memory of Tara laughing while the two of you danced at your wedding.

It was, naturally, a small wedding, the two of you, her and Danny, Chad with his girlfriend at the time, Mindy, Anika, Gale, Sidney with her family, and Kirby. And Tara looked more beautiful than ever, laughing, unable to keep the smile off her face for a moment, and her happiness was contagious.

Sam would have given everything she had to go back to those times, to the time when Ghostface was a thing of the past, and not a threat she once again had to deal with. To sit at the dinner table with Tara and you, making plans for whatever you wanted to do this week, instead of sitting at her computer, yet again realizing that the cult dedicated to Ghostface actually existed.

She should have known it was only a matter of time before he came back, and in the darkness of the night she looked at her window, seeing him there. Her real father, taunting her, putting the mask on her reflection, his mask, the same mask she put on when she killed Bailey.

“I like the design,” the monster told her, and she knew exactly what he was talking about, the dog painted on the mask, proving the belonging to the cult.

Sam got up abruptly, her chair scrapping against the floor. She needed to tell Tara and you, she needed to make sure you were ready and careful. She found you and Tara in the living room, on the sofa, with Tara sitting on your lap and flipping through a magazine while you hugged her from behind and rested your chin on her shoulder, occasionally kissing Tara on the cheek or the side of her neck.

“Sam? What’s wrong? You look worried,” Tara noticed, of course Tara noticed.

Sam should have told her right then and there, she should have told Tara everything. How she’s been lurking online, looking for any signs of Ghostface coming back, how she saw her father more and more often and the medicine was no longer working as well as it used to. Instead, seeing how happy you two were, she shook her head, staying quiet. “Just something at my job. What got you two so excited?” she tried to put on a smile.

Tara and you remained silent, as if exchanging a silent conversation by just briefly glancing at one another. “We’re having a baby!” Tara’s words shattered what little sense of relaxation Sam had left.

Tara would more than likely be the one getting pregnant. She’d be in even more danger than usual, and the child would be in the constant danger from Ghostface, no matter where Tara and you moved to. And in that cold September night that one thing that made Sam’s body tremble wasn’t the temperature, it was the fear for her sister and the life Tara was trying to build with you.

“Sam?” you spoke up when Sam didn’t respond.

“Oh! Sorry! That’s great! Congratulations!” she put on a fake smile, but her mind was already creating plans to infiltrate the cult. She’d just take the place of the one with the dog on the mask. She just needed to find him or her first.

~X~

It was the middle of the October, in the early morning, and Sam was watching a building from a busy coffee shop, with nothing but newspapers and a cup of coffee that had long since stopped steaming. She barely touched the coffee, frankly, she just needed some kind of cover. The unassuming blonde woman, no older than twenty-three left the building in a densely populated block. It was just at the edge of an area with high crime-rate, more importantly it was an area where one could easily rent an apartment without having to answer too many questions, so perfect to hide, or use as a base of operation for following someone. Sam narrowed her eyes and waited to make sure the woman wouldn’t come back right away before slipping into the building.

She had followed the woman enough times already to know which apartment was hers, so, when she got on the fourth floor she looked around and dropped to her knee to pick the lock, only to realize the apartment was unlocked.

Did the woman notice her and was setting up a trap? Or was she just that carefree? It didn’t matter, the girl was slightly smaller than her, looked slower and weaker than Sam as well. Worst case scenario Sam would get injured, but she’d come out on top, no matter what. It wasn’t this girl Sam was worried about, even if she left her alone she wouldn’t be able to beat you, it was the rest of the cult that worried her.

So, she stepped inside, on edge and ready to strike at any sign of movement, but the apartment was empty. No one was inside and she even checked to make sure there wasn’t a hidden room behind the mirror. So, she went and searched the place for clues about the cult. The notebooks gave her very little, and she’d have to deal with the girl’s laptop when she was alone. Still, hoping she’d find something in the laptop she stashed it away in her bag and hid in the girl’s bedroom. All she had to do now was wait for the woman to come back.

And sure enough, about an hour later she heard the doors opening. The blonde had no reason to suspect anyone was in her apartment, and she actually whistled happily when she stepped into the bedroom. As for Sam, she just sneaked up on the girl and grabbed her from behind, slitting her throat before the girl could even figure out what was happening.

She did it, she easily killed the woman that had the mask with the dog, but it also frightened her, because the woman was only a few miles away from where Tara and you lived. She moved there two weeks ago, and Sam was willing to bet she was going to attack Tara and you, or Sam herself, soon.

After that Sam got lucky, the cult meetings required the mask to be on at all times, and that they would use a voice changer, which meant no one really knew who the other Ghostfaces were. But she got into the cult, and though she wanted to start slaughtering them, she couldn’t get close to anyone without raising suspicions.

And then an opportunity that she couldn’t pass up on came up. The leader wanted to kill your father, and then get your mother to give him as much money as she could in return for her life. That would fund the next step of the leader’s plan.

Sam volunteered, killing your father in an apartment falsely rented in your name, in cold blood, stabbing him multiple times, taking her revenge for everything he and your mother did to you. Taking her revenge for them hiring Thomas and making Tara cry while you were in a coma, for making her cry for you, for nearly successfully arranging your murder… She may have stabbed him a few times too many in her fury.

“That’s enough, Ghost-Dog,” Ghostface pulled her away from the body and she shook him off, wiping the knife clean of blood and breathing heavily as she stepped away.

“Still, this will look convincing. Now, I’ll go deal with the Mrs. L/N, you need to get Y/N L/N to come here,” his words made her heart stop for a moment.

Why did he want you there? What did he plan to do? If he wanted to attack you that would be the perfect opportunity to end the biggest threat. The two of you could end the leader of the cult, you could take his mask and the two of you could then take care of the rest of the cult members.

“Ghost-Dog? Call Y/N and get out of here, let the police do the rest,” she could hear the confusion in his voice even through the voice changer-

They weren’t attacking you? They were framing you? They were making sure you were locked up? But Tara was pregnant! You couldn’t protect her from jail!

Still, if she didn’t follow the orders, she’d lose her chance and Tara would be in an even greater danger.

So, Sam nodded. “Yes, sir,” she spoke evenly, once again seeing her father tauntingly smirking at her. She was making things even worse. She was taking Tara’s greatest protection away from her. She was betraying you. She was betraying her sister. But maybe this would protect Tara in the long run. Maybe with you gone she’d go into hiding?

When the leader left, and Sam was sure she was left alone she turned off the voice changer and called you.

“Sam?” you sounded relieved to hear her. “Do you have any idea how worried Tara is, you asshole. Come back home!” you still scolded her, and despite blood dripping from her hand Sam still smiled a bit. If she could protect Tara, if she could only protect Tara…

“I don’t have time to talk, I need you to come and meet me somewhere, right now,” she didn’t need to fake urgency, she knew exactly what she was doing, she knew it would be unforgivable, that you would never trust her again, but she still set up the trap for you. And you walked into it, like a fool that trusted her.

~X~ March 24th, 2027 ~X~

Sam sat at a bar, drowning her sorrow in whiskey. Funny how things turned out. She despised her mother for drinking, she scolded Tara for drinking, yet here she was, drinking her problems away. She spent five months in the cult and had nothing to show for it but one dead Ghostface and blood on her hands. Danny was dead, Tara was captured, and she had no idea where she was. After getting you framed, she became somewhat of a second in command, seeing as she basically took care of the greatest threat, so she wasn’t assigned to whatever location they were holding Tara in.

She tried to keep Tara safe, and all it accomplished was the death of her boyfriend and her beloved, pregnant, sister, now being in more danger than ever before. Everything she touched she ruined, that was the summary of her life and she felt awful, she felt cursed, she felt like she had no right to ever hold her sister again.

“Your tip saved Sidney’s life,” she heard Kirby’s voice coming from the side and just barely lifted her head to look at the FBI agent. She didn’t care how Kirby managed to find her, Kirby somehow ended up finding her a couple of times over the past half a year, at this point Sam didn’t really question it. Maybe she was just that predictable.

“And Gale?” she asked, even though she felt the answer in her bones.

“Dead. It took too long for my mole, Ghost-Wolf, to take the snake mask and go after them,” Kirby sat down in front of her and slumped back against the chair. “Things aren’t so bleak though. Our newest ally found Y/N,” she managed to smile a bit, despite the circumstances.

Sam nodded. She failed to protect Tara, but you would be able to do it. You’d keep Tara and your child safe. “Good, I’ll finish this, three nights from now,” she decided right then and there, she’d put an end to the cult, or die trying.

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Taglist: @alexkolax

[attornsky]

Alrighty i wanna talk a little abt Sherlock & Co. I originally started listening to it cuz I honestly just wanted another form of media for Sherlock that I hadn't consumed yet, but i 100% stayed for the characters and plot.

With a little background, I am diagnosed with anxiety and get panic attacks. I don't wanna self diagnose but i believe i show signs of untreated adhd (im working on a way to get diagnosed and medicated 🤞) and as a result of these two things, my self esteem and grades at school declined so quickly and suddenly and it affected me so much. I graduated HS three weeks ago, and Im applying to medical school rn, but because of how i performed in my senior year, i have 0 confidence that I could even handle my pre-med preparatory year. I often consider myself stupid and below average because if I can't get good grades, then what am i supposed to do with my life? Anyway, due to my suspected adhd, I have a lot of sensory issues, especially sounds and touches, and nobody seems to understand. I get irritated from overstimulation and sometimes just wanna start crying in the middle of a busy street. It happened a lot during school. We were 36 students crammed into one classroom, so it was never quiet, and it made it even harder for me to concentrate. My school is known to be the worst in the country, and they're not accommodating to any student. We're also KG through 12, so there's always the irritating sound of kids yelling and shouting. I just couldn't handle the constant noise, and i couldn't wait to get home so i could get in bed, close the blinds, and watch a comfort show with my doggo sleeping next to me.

That's where the representation in Sherlock & Co comes in. They've written an adult character with sensory issues, who is open about them and his friends accommodate him. He uses ear defenders and sunglasses and makes an effort to understand his neurotypical friends. That just made me so much more comfortable about the fact that I constantly have noise cancelling earbuds shoved in my ears when I'm in public. I've even started wearing headphones instead (cuz it's better for ur ears ig??). Another thing is, they mention that sherlock, despite being super smart, didn't get good grades in college. And that's like!!! Yeah!! Standardised tests are awful and serve no purpose except shatter students' confidence when they don't get the desired grade. It's not a "one shoe fits all," and it shouldn't be. Everyone has strong points that couldn't be measured using a multiple choice exam. I can't even begin to count the number of panic attacks and breakdowns i get from anything school-related. I've seen close friends break down in uncontrollable tears from bad test scores. And these same friends are the most intelligent, well-spoken people I've met. Just because they couldn't memorize 200 pages of physics formulas and definitions doesn't mean they're worth any less. I don't know. That line from S&C just stuck with me.

Anyway, yeah. This podcast just makes me feel so soft and comfortable and fills me with relief and confidence. I don't know how to explain it.

[aspd-culture]

Sorry ig in advance since you get questions a lot but got curious about a few things

1. Is it normal for pwASPD to view unbeneficial relationships as chores? I know I, a likely prosocial, when I don't see the benefit in a relationship, I have to view it as being a chore to continue it.

2. If a connection is established between harming others and being harmed, will a pwASPD, for lack of a better term, be able to mimic empathy or remorse?

3. Do you know if pwASPD and another comorbid disorder, if the other disorder causes already low or fragile self esteem (like another cluster B), can seem like they don't have ASPD?

These are mostly for project research but also out of curiosity because I can

Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen

1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.

2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.

3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs). There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a *very* stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.

I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen

Plain text below the cut:

Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen

1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.

2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.

3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs).

There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a very stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.

I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen

[hongtiddiez]

last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

[schizosupport]

Hello! I have a weird relationship to psychosis and I'm not sure if you might have any insight. I think I've had psychotic experiences my whole life, but the experiences I've had don't seem to fit into any named framework I can find (schizospec, etc.). I call it spicy anxiety, because on top of my existing anxiety I also am very prone to fairly brief (hours to days) bizarre delusions with insight. As a kid that would mean reading a fantasy book and being convinced that I had whatever magic powers I read about. As an adult it's more like... What if the car behind me in traffic is a robot-dragon trying to eat me?!?! And I can tell this is Not A Thing, logically, but I also can't stop panicking about it. I tend to be pretty paranoid in general, even when I'm not actively psychotic. Sometimes it's sorta fun, just like Imagination+, now with maybe more suspension of disbelief than is good for me! I have no negative symptoms, only some cognitive symptoms and those are better explained by my AuDHD than anything, I think. I don't think I'm schizospec; my delusions are too brief even for something like Brief Psychotic Disorder, and I think too bizarre for something like Delusional Disorder. I don't care that much about diagnosis, nor am I seeking a diagnosis, but I do want... I guess reassurance that other people experience this in similar ways? And language to describe what I experience? I also know that I have a family history of this type of mental illness (completely untreated) that seems to get worse with age, and if my symptoms ever become debilitating enough that I do need help...I deeply deeply distrust the carceral nature of the psychiatric institution, and I want to have knowledge of my own going in. To be clear: I am not asking you to diagnose me. I am asking if you (or your followers) have ever heard of experiences like this. Thanks for your time, either way!

Hi there! Yes, boy, I sure have!

So the "spicy anxiety" is something that I relate to a lot. I call it "psychosis flavored anxiety", personally. For me it's obviously not my only symptom, but it's something that is a fundamental part of me and also my own way of being schizo spec.

I used to think of this as just anxiety. I remember my gf's face when I first got into specific about the types of things I'm anxious about. They got kinda quiet and was like "honey are you sure that's anxiety" 😂 .... And it IS a type of anxiety, right, because it's a what-if scenario that scares you, rather than something you're convinced of, like a delusion. But it's definitely psychosis-flavored.

More clinical terms could be paranoid ideation, magical thinking and quasipsychosis, depending on your mileage.

I'm also someone who, aside from direct symptoms of schizophrenia, also just has an overactive imagination. Imagination+ is one way to describe it! My brain will come up with all kinds of bizarre and paranoid thoughts all the time. And depending on how well I'm doing I can dismiss it, I can be anxious about, or I can have a breakdown and feel temporarily convinced of it. There's often a grey area where I do act to protect myself from perceived threat, but I also acknowledge that it's an unlikely threat. But "just in case"..

Tendency towards psychosis or adjacent experiences does run in families, so having family members with psychosis means you are more likely to be having this type of experience - and it doesn't have to mean, that you're going to go on to develop fullblown psychosis.

I hope this was helpful!