#they won't do this but it would be so fucking funny

[gremlingottoosilly]

Now, Fallout!AU for Raider!Konig and fem!Reader...

Konig as a raider. Your typical one - wall of meat, muscles, mean motherfucker who doesn't really care who to kill and who to fuck after. It might be from one of the less drug-addicted gangs, most of the shit never works on him anyway. Might be radiation, might be mild mutation - no one cares. He isn't a leader of the gang, never good at working with people and commanding them - but he is good at shooting people and taking their stuff. He is good at spotting and sniping, despite people around laughing at his huge form scrambling behind a stolen sniper riffle. This is how he spots you, actually. A vault dweller - this much is obvious. You can lead him to your stash, a can deep in the ground. Filled with people, vault-dwelling rats - the ones that are too fucking good for this place. Konig thinks he hates them - but honestly, half of the wasteland does. You do look good in that tight suit of yours. Bright blue on the dry yellow of the ground below. he wondered who designed the suits - if people knew that every dumb underground rat would be spotted from at least 3 kilometres away in that bright blue thing. Works for him, though. He flips off the guy who didn't want to spot for his position. His rank in the gang is high enough to just get a guy by his neck and force him on guard duty - all while he is getting ready to catch the little rat. It was a while since he saw someone so pretty - honestly, only Vault dwellers can be considered pretty at this point. Clean skin, moderately clean hair. He knows that if he gets to smell you, you'd have this awesome stench of cleanliness. Would be lovely to push his nose into your hair as he fucks you on his bunk. Might even clean his room a bit so the underworld princess won't be too disgusted at the perspective of being chained to his bunk. A prized property. Pretty helpless thing.

Konig drags you to the compound with ease. You're too startled at the sight of a giant hooded man approaching you with a very mean gun on his hip - not even in his hands, since he is confident he can snap your neck with just two fingers. You whine like a brain calf being split in two at some posh casino far in New Vegas - he brushes his hand over your ass, gripping it. Patting it. You do have a weapon - he disposes of it now, just getting it to his pocket. You freeze when he takes your pip-boy off, snapping it off your wrist with ease. You mouth a little plead with your lips. Konig laughs. You have a Vault location in here - it's funny how such a silly thing is going to be the doom of your people. The gang leader would probably be sad they didn't get to torture you for information, but Konig is making sure the whole gang will be satisfied hearing your moans and cries the whole night. Everyone knows that Konig is a beast - and that if they try to get the leftovers of a pretty Vault girl, they will be used as a target practice next. You do smell good. Konig takes note of breaking into some abandoned building and trying to fetch water and cleaning supplies so you could continue to smell nice. Wants to doll up his pretty Vault snatch - even finds some old, pre-war dresses. Plays house as long as gang allows it. Some of the younger members give you a pitied look, hearing your little sobs every time Konig forces you to move. Some of the older members know that the moans you're letting out aren't the ones of pain. Konig isn't the one to share and to talk, so he never even brags about his girl. Just has her attached to his hip, clinging to his armor since he is the only one who you know here. At least you know him, somehow. At least you know he likes his pretty Vault rat too much to let you get hurt. By anyone but him, that is.

[theloneotaku158]

As of Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12, local precious-gremlin-who-I-would-die-for, Maps Mizoguchi, is now officially(?) the sixth Robin. Or at the very least, she's now "in" on The Secret™.

If this isn’t a set up for her taking up the Robin mantle officially then I genuinely don’t know what is.

As one of the twelve Gotham Academy enjoyers in existence, I am having the extremely normal reaction of "FUCKING FINALLY! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO--!"

In all honesty, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen this coming from miles away. Like, Maps has appeared in a number of seemingly random cameo roles recently, including Batgirls (2021), and even technically as Robin in the backup issues of Batman (2016) #119-121, and in a short story in Batman Black & White. And most of those got collected in a standalone titled "Maps of Mystery", which specifically gathered all her appearances as Robin (and the Gotham Academy Belle Reve story).

And then, of course, her recent time-travelling Future-Trunks-esque appearance in Birds of Prey (2023), as the tech-based Meridian, from a potential future timeline where she apparently makes it as a superhero using gadgets she apparently designed, proving that she's hero material.

That's not something you do for a character for no reason. That's the sort of thing you do when you want to keep a character in the conscience of your readers for whatever reason, because you have bigger plans for them.

Also interesting to consider that, in the "Mother's Day" story where this took place, Alfred is standing right there and not lying down six feet under wood, dirt and a stone slab, and that Bruce is in the old Batcave under the manor so he still has Money™, I must assume this was some nebulous time in the past (after GA: Second Semester(?), but before City of Bane)... which I won't bother to analyse the exact timeframe of because DC doesn't care about the post-Flashpoint / New 52 / Rebirth / Prime Earth / idfk / Dawn of DC timeline, so neither should I.

But I think it's really funny that this presumably means Maps has known The Secret™ for a long time relative to present-day comics, but always acted like she didn't.

But if all her appearances are in chronological order, that means Bruce is only the fourth Bat whose identity she discovered.

Like, she discovered Cass' identity almost by accident on a trip to the zoo, Damian showed off his grapple gun and gave her an actual Batarang during the three hours he was enrolled in the school (as if she wouldn't immediately put two-and-two together even back then), and she even found out Terry fucking McGuinness would become Batman in a future via a time-travelling grandfather clock.

No I did not make that last part up. Read Gotham Academy istg.

Did Cass know that Maps had been acting as a Robin when she met her, both at the zoo in Batgirls and her future version in Birds of Prey?

Does Damian know the one (1) friend(?) he made in Gotham Academy is potentially in the running for his job?

Is Bruce himself aware that she knows as much about their identities as she currently does?

How is DC going to retcon this so it all makes sense in the barely-functioning canon of the modern DC universe?

I'm digressing. Where was I going with this?

Point is, she's destined to become a Robin, and I'm glad DC finally pulled their fingers out their asses and capitalised on that destiny.

Let's just hope it doesn't take another year for them to follow up on this plotline again.

Bonus: Jason Todd, after learning of Bruce taking yet another happy kid under his wing as yet another Robin, giving her some advice:

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Someone asked me to write Lucifer's take on "Bitch what's for dinner?!" Soooo...

First, Lucifer saying it to you.

He sees it somewhere online and at first is like, "this is dumb" but then he thinks about it. He knows his relationship with Lillith was rocky but he'd never once raised a hand or voice to her, but he's The Devil from The Bilble, so he has a reputation, undeserved or not. He wants to see how safe you feel with him and make sure you don't have like, an ingrained response to take treatment like that, and he's too awkward to just talk about your relationship like a normal person.

Honestly thinks you've probably already seen the video and that you'll laugh it off or playfully smack him ans then you guys can talk. So when he storms into the kitchen at the Hotel, pretending to have just gotten into an argument with Alastor, and snaps at you, his horns growing a bit, "Bitch, what's for dinner?!" He's not expecting you to look shell-shocked.

He thinks its because that was so out of character for him and you're just stunned but then you just quietly look down and respond "grilled cheese?", like you're expecting him to reprimand you the whole act goes out the window. He's in your space, not touching you yet, and babbling apologies, practically on his knees. Eventually you catch on that he was joking and hug him and ask him please not to do that again.

He agrees immediately and follows it up with, "Of course! And, lovely, darling, light of my life, if I, or anyone, ever talks to you like that, you better smack the shit out of them. Or, like if it's someone else, I'll knock their ass out. Seriously, don't ever let me treat you like that."

You do it to Lucifer.

You saw the video online and thought it would be funny. After all, there's no way the KING OF HELL would take that. You set your phone up to record secretly and brace for some sort of sassy response, slamming your hand down on the counter next to him for dramatic effect.

"Bitch, what's for dinner!?"

Lucifer's wings pop out, ruffled, defensive, hissing like a cat, long forked tongue dripping fire. Once he realizes it's you, he blinks, frowns, and makes himself small.

"Uh...I...I can make grilled cheese? Are you mad at me? Did I forget a date? Was I rude to you on accident? What did I do, I can fix it."

Oh, oh no. You're crumpled. This poor man. You're holding him, petting his ruffled wings, apologizing through tears because of course he didn't do anything wrong. You tell him it was a dumb internet trend, that you didn't think about how it could upset him, you're so sorry and won't do it again and eventually he calms down and kind of laughs it off. It was an honest mistake.

You don't let it go so easily, and cup his cheeks, forcing him to meet your eyes. "Don't you ever let anyone talk to you like that, not even me. Anyone talks to you like, you better smite the fuck out of them. Full fire and brimstone. Nothing left. Dust. Ash. Obliterated. Understand?"

He thinks it a bit excessive of a response, especially if you're including yourself, but he agrees anyway, practically swooning at your protectiveness.

[tokyo-debunkers-headcanons]

is it possible to request da vagastrom ghouls + jin and luca and their reactions when someone makes their s/o cry (preferably romantic if that’s okie) i would really love to see ur ideas on this!

Ooooh! I love this one! Thank you for sending in a request!

ALAN MIDO

Alan is VERY protective of his partner. It doesn't matter if they could kick his ass in a fight, he is protective. The second he catches wind of his MC crying for ANY reason, he drops his tools and goes RUNNING to them (like my mans is SPRINTING).

He first and foremost makes sure that MC is physically okay before getting to what happenedm He's not the best at comfort so he starts by using his size and reputation to get info from any witnesses.

It actually manages to work somehow and as soon as he gets his hands on the jackass who made them cry. Its straight to the pit to make an example of them.

When the two of them are alone at last. He does his best to try and comfort them, but like I said he's not the best with that stuff. So the best is an awkward hug, a listening ear, and him trying very hard to find and play a YouTube video to make them feel better....but very they have to help him with it.

SHOHEI HAIZONO "SHO"

He heard from Leo that MC was caught crying while he was cooking and for once, he quickly made sure that there was no chance of a fire, and stops in the middle of his cooking to go find MC.

Sho, on the other side of things, kicks ass before anything else. He's dragging the dumbass to the pit and kicks the shit out of him. Sho doesn't hold back like Alan does. It was an clear win from the get go, so the Sho betters in the pit were taking candy from babies.

After wiping the floor with the dipshit, he runs back to MC, gently taking their hands and lead them right back to the Vagastrom kitchen. He sets aside whatever he was cooking beforehand and asked what they wanted to eat.

He won't take no for an answer, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't have the ingredients. He will take them out on Bonnie to get their mind off of things. When he has everything he needs, he'll make whatever they want to eat.

If they want they want to, he'll even try his hand at baking. With their help of course, but he's more of a cook than a baker. Anything to help his MC feel better

LEO KUROSAGI

Oh HELL no! They're done. Absolutely destroyed. No not physically, Leo doesn't fight.

But word gets around quickly, especially on the social medias but Leo waits for MC to come to him. In the meantime, he finds as much dirt as possible on whoever the hell was there.

He's looking at security cams, wickchat posts, tiktoks, etc. It takes him at MOST half an hour to find who fucked up. And another half hour to find out some pretty juicy dirt on whoever it is.

He used an alt account to leak said juicy dirt by the time MC came to him. When they do, he lets MC cuddle up to him and doomscroll tiktok with him, filtering out anything about what happened and focusing on animal and funny tiktoks.

JIN KAMURAI

This is another who would wait for MC to come to him. But if they take too long he's sending either a text or Tohma to go bring them to him

He actually sends Tohma to get details on what happened as soon as he can. Tohma being Tohma, gets all the details that Jin needs.

Jin looks for things he can use to make that person's life a living hell. Assuming they're a student, he uses his connections to get them all the way down to probation.

And te thing about Jin is, his lasts. He makes an example of this person for MONTHS or at least as long as he can get away with it.

As for what he does with MC when they're crying. I think he takes them to his room and puts down the tough guy act for once. He'll give them a little forehead kiss and talks all nice and quiet with reassuring words, but just this once. (That a bald faced lie, he's just too stubborn to admit he's soft for his partner)

[midastouch-zaza]

What if AESPA is sharing an (incredibly lucky) boyfriend?

(_shy new kpop fan anon_)

Hi there, new anon! Welcome in this strange yet fantastic world called kpop. You end up in the naughty side of this world, but don't worry, even if we are a bit odd, we're all friendly 🫂

Now, regarding the lucky dude...I guess fate has really its favorites, uh? No, because imagine all four the Aespa girls and all the good things coming from that. Of course it would be like a dream because they are so funny, caring, sweet and nice girls, but there's actually more...🤭

They won't be too jealous of you, sharing you according a fair sex schedule:

Being the leader and waking up earlier than the others, Karina would be the first to make a good use of your cock. Yeah, because Karina loves being awakened by your cock, pounding her pussy while you suck on her tits. Feeling pleasure as first sensation in the morning is the best way to start the day, even better if the second feeling is your warm cum filling her tummy. She feels full even before of breakfast 🌝

Right before of lunch instead, it's Ning turn. She always complains a lot about being bored and hungry at that hour, so why not keep her busy till the food is ready? You bring her in an empty room, you push them on her knees and start to fuck her face, reducing the bimbo maknae in your sex toy, making a mess of her make-up and hairstyle, before releasing directly in her stomach.

We all know that moment in the afternoon when we just have nothing to do, right? Well, you don't since when Giselle started to reserve your time, after all who's gonna fuck her ass otherwise? She would offer you her bare booty, making it jiggle to tease you, but everytime you punish her, ravaging her ass until after you're done with her, her hole is leaking and gaping.

And in the end we have that cutie of Winter; the night she becomes always so cuddly and clingy, but we know that she can't resist to your bulge rubbing against her body. So just pulls her pants off, letting you fuck her until she's exhausted, too tired by the orgasms you gave her. With her pussy swollen and reddened, she falls asleep between your arms.

[yeetus-feetus]

i have a little brother who is 12 years younger than me, and when he first came into the family (he's adopted) I used to take him with me everywhere because he was adorable and I loved looking after him (and sometimes forces to take him with me when I went out). And people used to think he was my kid when I went to the shops or the park.

It STILL happens sometimes!!

and I'm now just imagining this happening with Dick and Jason, or Dick and Damian.

Omg there was this one time where I was hanging out with a group of my friends and my baby brother wanted to come with me, so I brought him along. And we're at the shops and he wants donuts so he's looking at all the options through the glass and this lady behind us taps me on the shoulder and goes

"is that your son deary?"

And I'm like "no, no he's not mine he's-"

And before I can finish she turns to my other friend like "is that your little boy?"

And she laughs and goes "oh god no"

And then my little brother smacks one of the guys in the leg and goes "I want that one! I want the T-Rex with the red sprinkles!"

And so he says "lol okay, can I get the red T-Rex for the little man please?"

And the old lady just frowns and goes. "Is he the father?"

And my other friend is trying SO HARD not to laugh, and the old lady is looking at him suspiciously like she's gonna ask him next, as I go "none of us are the father, that's my little brother, I'm looking after him"

And this lady is like "oh I knew I saw some resemblance there, good on you" and I'm trying so hard not to disappoint her by saying that we do not in fact share any genetics and we're only related through law.

And she's saying "you should probably get you mother to teach him how to tie his shoe laces, I'm so worried he's going to trip over them and hurt himself" and now my other friend who was already laughing is basically on the floor in tears like

"don't worry ma'am I'll tie them, we won't let him get hurt"

And I can't help but picture this as Dick and the other titans. It would be so fucking funny. Like I'm just imagining Dick and Kory being asked if this kid is theirs, and then they asks Donna and she's like 'oh Hera no'. And then Roy is the one ordering the donut and Wally is the one laughing so hard he's in tears.

Oh God I desperately need someone to draw this. It'd be so funny to show my friends like, this is what our shenanigans did. It's DC fanart now😭

Or maybe I'll write a fic with the same premise, don't count on it.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Sorry, just discovered your public knowledge au, its hilarious. I think 'realistically' I like the Only Miraculous wielders & whoever they tell knows version as it could feel a bit less cracky though it'd still beg why they don't bring other heroes in to collectively stomp Gabriel as they know his location. Though that just has me imagining him palming it off on his various rich friends like a hot potato. Anyway two main thoughts:

`1: For the just Holders know AU, Gabriel owns up to his motives right away & almost convinces the kids. Except Fu shows up & reveals that its basically a monkeys paw and more people will die if he makes is wish. Gabriel insists he s smart enough to work around that (He also just doesn't care) but Tikki & Plagg are like, "Literally we have no control over this, it goes to shit every single time, sorry."

In essence, its his ego and control freak nature that mean Gabriel refuses to give up even when he and everyone else know he should quit. Its probably kind of a sad/rough start for Adrien especially, but also leads to very quick positive vibes with Marinette & more direct mentorship.

2: Rogercop be like

Chloe: Well, seeing as you won't do your damn job, how about our classes two super heroes show you up? Adrien: I am one hundred percent down for that except I can't find Plagg! Marinette: Ya know I've wanted to try this anyway, Luck Charm! (Gets a Plagg doll with his head snuck in the bracelet) Well that answers that.

Later

Tikki: How did you even get stuck we can phase through soli matter.., Oh this is interesting and maybe concerning. Chloe: What can it do magic, is it a Miraculous? Plagg: Well its tied to a Miraculous, where'd you find this?

Chloe: Back of my mothers cupboard? Andre: You aren't meant to have that (Tries to snatch) Chloe: Why, what is it!? Can it do magic?

Andre: If by magic you mean mind control you- don't break it you'll explode! Chloe: Why do you own a mind controlling bracelet that only works on me and kills me if it breaks and why was it in a fucking dust covered pile of half forgotten trash!? Andre: ... Its your mot- Gabriel's fault, blame him, now I have a meeting to get to bye! (Runs away)

Butterflies appear Adrien: Dad, glad you could... Make it. Gabriel: Well I am here now, also the Amok's treatment is very much 'not' my fault, it is like that because your parents don't love you.

Adrien: DAD! Gabriel: I am a magical empath son, I know it to be true, your mother and I were much more careful with your Amok & sealed it away so it could never be used against you or damaged. Those two tossed it in a cupboard once they realized it couldn't just rewrite a babies personality, or any personality, to not need things like food or affection, if they hadn't already made the announcement they'd have probably smashed it or given it away. Gabriel: By it I mean Chloe.

Chloe: Oh... (Uses the Amok to turn herself 'off' IE pass out) Gabriel: Dammit, I was hoping the truth would cause her to explode in a rage never before seen and become my most powerful Akuma! I can't even use this self destructive self loathing, she's too depressed to even transform! (Leaves)

Honestly this started out kind of funny then I made myself sad.

Gabriel: I wonder if I should mention the sister they had made as a replacement. That one didn't turn out how they wanted either but they did skip the baby phase.

GOD the chaos there.

But also yeah the AU is mostly crack because tbh I can't see an identity reveal happening that doens't immediately lead to an ending one way or another.

But also OOF.

[not-goldy]

Hey Goldy! How are you? This is just super random, but someone shared a clip of Rosebowl Jikook, and can I just say how surreal it still feels that it actually happened? People were scrambling to explain that it was completely platonic, that it was an edit, that JK didn't suck JM's ear, that it was completely normal 🙄

I've heard about a certain clip where you could see a string of saliva, and yes, I saw it. Apparently, the big screen during the concert show you front and center when that happened and how you could literally see the string of saliva from JK's mouth to JM's ear. You could even see the sucking movement.

Imagine if Jikook have partners? Imagine seeing that and being okay w/ it?? And mind you, he did after towards the end of the concert, when they're sweaty and all.

People left and right, 24/7 camping on Jikook accounts writing long-ass essays and novels to say Jikook hate each other or whatever. You don't see us camping out on say tkk/yoonmin accounts to prove they're not real, don't you? I mean, sure, we correct misinformation when you're posting lies or manipulated clips for your non-existent ships (tkk/yoonmin/etc).

Even the companion system in the military still haunts these people until now. Suddenly, everyone is a fucking expert on Korean military?? If it was any other ship, I'm pretty sure we won't be hearing a thesis on why they're not together right now, how they're doing their things away from each other? Like, what happened to critical thinking and common sense? You'd think if Jimin and Jungkook didn't want to do their enlistment together, they wouldn't go through those damn hoops, including selecting the harshest division. They'd just do what everyone else did 😩

Do you think these uncultured and unloved people (haters/antis/toxic solos/tkkrs etc) would lose their mind even more once the Jikook travel show drops? Hope it drops this June 😭

If Jikook have partners they are the most non territorial non concerned non bothered group of people on the planet cos of if Jimin or Jungkook were mine I would have them quit their careers 😩

Like you can't be stressing me out with the constant dating rumors talking bout we just friends but you coming home every night with a hickey embarrassing me on the internet begging for a man's attention a man who looks like this by the way

Like where do I even begin to compete his ass is fatter than mine😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

You just friends but you out here having panick attacks when he puts you on voice mail

Boy didn't even eat the dinner I made him cos he's out there cooking for another man

He doesn't laugh at my jokes the way he does his and his jokes are not even funny 😤

In his spare time he's watching vlives of him with his fans and I swear I heard him call me Jimin one time when we were making love

I need a divorce. This is not working out

It's either me or him 😩

Mother fucker chose him 😩

I don't want to over sell the travel blog I'm very very curious about it but I know it won't disappoint.

And the way Jungkook had to come out here and tell us about the one moment makes it feel all the more sus to me

Feels like a preemptive strive so fans don't make a big deal out of them sharing a bed but baby boy WE WILL

It's jikook they send antis with into a frenzy with the barest minimum 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

I won't expect anything less from those numbnuts

[yellowvixen]

I want the advertisement for sonic 3 to be as insane as some of the sa2 advertisment

etc etc

Like I want ppl who don't know sonic to think shadow will be evil incarnate. And then find out actually he's just a little guy with a lot of trauma. Paramount are you listening to me

[gayofthefae]

Season 2 Mike: desperately protects and loves Will, sleeps at his house, sleeps at his doctor's office, and tells him he's the best thing to ever happen to him. Will:🧍

Season 3 Mike: focuses on someone else. Will: Wait where did you go I liked us what happened :'(

Season 4 Mike: ignores Will. Will: ignores Mike for ignoring him. Mike: Why are you ignoring me????? That's really mean you know :(((( You ruined my day :(((((((

These fuckers are perfect for each other are you kidding me. (We're excusing them on account of they're 14 and also improving anyways)

[happi-tree]

Happy wip Wednesday, everybody! This time, I'm trying my hand at the cringefail will-they-won't-theys of all time. Oakworthy has consumed me, body and soul, and so has the Pomona High!Hermie theory. Hopefully I can finish this one up real soon before the next episode obliterates this, but for now, here's a sneak peek!

[raulfernandez]

Aprilia sandwich

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i've never found a sex worker online whose content i could really justify spending my money on (not bc i didn't think they made good content, but bc i thought of it as a financial burden and an indulgence i couldn't reasonably justify to myself), but damn mistress noir is really making me Reconsider(TM) akdsjfhg i really wanna give her some of my hard earned cash lol

[babisawyer]

shauna being like jackie I really need you right now and then sobbing hysterically is literally me every week watching this friggin show.

[jewishcissiekj]

"What if Marrok is Asajj-" SHUT UP. Shut the fuck up.

[reanimatedgh0ul]

ok but i can't this image out of my head of one of the days when jenny and danny decide to hang out it going like this lol

jenny: so danny what you thinking abt doing today :D danny (who has been plotting the hypothetical scenario where jenny uses one of her myriad of built in weapons on him to do d.i.y top surgery): oh i have an idea :)