#this all lead to me having an autism meltdown

[fruitsilly]

Hate and rage and seething

[m0untaing0ats]

People on the internet treat autism like it's some cute, childish thing, but like, autism and the trauma that comes with it have literally lead me to severe alcoholism, anger issues and a criminal record.

This post goes out to autistic addicts and autistic people who have personality disorders and autistic people who have hurt people during meltdowns and autistic people who have been in trouble with the law and autistic people who have been diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun only to find out it was autism all along.

You are loved. Your trauma and your reactions to it do not make you a bad person.

[mysticcrownwolf]

So your girl finally had a autistic meltdown and finally asked her mum about her childhood and got some mixed results but long story short I am finally getting an official autism and adhd diagnosis because in my mums words “Everyone deserves things that make their life easier to live”. Not gonna lie guys I did cried about this but it also came up that they did tried to get me diagnosed before (I don’t remember this at all) but were told I just had very high levels of hyperactivity so to make sure this type of bullshit doesn’t happen again I am making a list of all my weird or quirky traits and having the neurodivergents of Tumblr peer review them so I can finally get a diagnosis after 19 years of struggling.

1) I didn’t ever in my life made or had friends that stick around.

2) I was actually alienated a lot by most people in my life for being the umbrella term they all coined as ‘weird’ what this weird means varies from person to person.

3) I have actually been told by other girls that they gave me a chance to keep them company even after many people told them I was too weird and they should stay away from me. These same people later called me slurs, were self absorbed or just plain abusive towards me.

4) Through out my whole life I have sat alone on a double bench because no one wanted to sit with me in class.

5) I have a problem with properly spelling certain words like I write weird as ‘wierd’ or video as ‘vedio’.

6) People constantly doubt I have any sense of knowledge and act like any good idea I give is a surprise even when I was on the top of the class the phrases like “ That’s the first good idea you ever had” weren’t uncommon.

7) I walk a lot and I mean a lot enough that hyperactivity has still been a part of my diagnostic because I walked so much they had no choice but to put that in. I actually come to the school 30 minutes early then walked the whole time, I would just up and leave classes to walk in corridors because I couldn’t sit still long enough, my walking is such a huge part of me my old teachers still tell their classes about me as the girl that walked too much.

8) People in my college nicknamed me the headphone girl because I walked around our whole campus( I would pace a lot around the parameters) with my only noticeable feature being my headphones.

9) I was the only kid in my school not scared of bugs which lead to some notable incidents

I once picked a small green caterpillar and showed it off to my class of 10 year olds they started crying and teacher made me throw the bug even though I wanted to keep it as a pet

Our teacher once asked us to bring butterflies to class so I captured around 30 butterflies put them in a breathable Tupperware and took those to class me being the only person who did this freaked out all the other children with my butterflies , we later released them all in recess it was very pretty

I not only volunteered but gleefully presented live earthworms on my palm to various groups of parents in our school science fare much to the horrified looks of many parents and children about how a little girl like me wasn’t screaming from handling earthworms.

I scared our class mean girl by capturing a butterfly and then turning my hand holding the butterfly in her direction she and a few other girls screamed when I tried to tell them that the little critter was harmless and even offered to let them hold her (I was very confused why they didn’t like this).

10) I was friends with a lot of my teachers as well as higher class teachers especially the Science, Social studies and English teachers. I would often spend my recess in the biology lab chatting with the biology teacher about the different specimens in the lab and how much I enjoyed biology in general. I am half sure I would have loved to study biology/medicine if not for the fact it was a minimum investment of 7 years though I am still an avid reader of new biological discoveries and follow many niche youtube channels that focus on flora and fauna.

11) I was actually friends with all 3 principles in my school and would go to them after my last class to chat about my school day. This was so bizarre to others but I actually enjoyed how much these adults would listen to my info dump even if my own peers won’t.

12) Every single time my report card came I would usually top the class in most subjects except maths in which I usually underperformed ( don’t worry guys I figured out later I just need to know every basic concept to get the deep understanding of mathematical principles which my teachers were very bad at build but I later learned how to do it myself) but it would always have in big bold letters that “I talked to much and have weird questions and am disruptive in class ” which my bad I thought I could get details about what your are teaching and develop great interest but nah we just need to complete the syllabus as fast as we can. Salt on the wound I would only ask questions and discuss topics in class with the teacher since I don’t have friends I could talk to in class. They deadass never ever punished a single student from disrupting in class except me the girl who asked silly questions about what we were studying maybe they thought my questions were weird so I was asking them to disrupt they flow of the class rather than genuine curiosity who knows

13) I had very bad anger issues stemming from how the system as well as authority figures treated me ( I have since been to therapy and gotten help for it ) but a lot of time I verbally and physically attacked an authority figures usually when they punished me for something I didn’t do or when they tried to empty out their frustration on me or tried to bully me in anyway. I never took bullying face down from anybody be it younger or older than me my flight or fight response was always on fight

14) People did tried to bully me physically or verbally but I always returned it in kind with interest so it never really stuck like the isolation did. My most memorable experience with bullying was when I bitch slapped our school mean girl so hard the whole ground heard it , I don’t think I ever got any punishment for it and she later burned every friendship she had by throwing her whole group under the bus for some vandalism they did.

15) I unfortunately never had friends so when they school told me telling an authority figure I am being teased, harassed or even that someone is breaking the rules is what’s morally right I ran with the rules set for me rather than knowing the social norms that this would mark me as the school snitch without the teachers ever doing anything about the issues. Unfortunately I learned the hard way through trial and error that once you are labelled as a snitch their is nothing you can do to get that tag off and it comes with the added benefit of making people never talk to each other near me or even just leave the places I visit alone so yay more loneliness for me

16) I actively volunteered for every single activity and program my school office this sounds great but I picked and got selected for all 7 different fairs (English, Hindi, Maths, Science, Social science, Music, Art) but rather than pick out one or two I helped out with all 7 of them. They later added a 3 groups per person limit.

17) I am actually trained in both classical instrumental and singing but couldn’t complete my singing degree before the program closed down and it’s been 6 years since I played a Casio that I don’t think that even matters anymore. Anyway I added this because at first I did both of these at the same time along with volunteering for all the other activities before they added a 1 course per year limit which is a shame since it cost me my vocal degree.

18) I love reading that just the fact I found reading in my school library when I was 8 haven’t let it go since by my librarian’s estimate I read almost 3000 books (mostly children books) from my school library. I also have a mini collection of about 300 books that I have passed down to both of siblings. These days I read mostly on ao3 or the occasional paperback I bought at the airport but reading is still something I do almost daily.

19) See one thing about me is I was one of the first student at my school so much so my identification number was 35 so me being such an old student my school has actually legends about my quirky ( neurodivergent ) behaviour which has made me understand where most legends actually come from

I walked out of classes so many times teachers to this day still tell stories of the weird girl that likes to walk

My whole school knew who I was mostly because I would be the first and only person that likes to answer philosophical questions asked by our principal in the assembly, I was also great with improvising assembly conductions, thought of the days, assembly quizzes, full speeches on topics told to me 2 minutes ago, even improvised song recitations (can you guys pick up I have social anxiety now).

As I told you my lovelies I love reading so if I was immersed in a book and the class started I would just hide the book to read in class once I got caught so I got termed the girl who like to read books in class( is it stupid yes did it still happened certainly). I later learned to zone out to the stories in my mind during class which was very helpful.

As I told you guys I was actually on pretty friendly terms with my principal and teachers so guess who became the teachers pet for the next 8 years even though most teachers care jack shit about my interest and was further alienated because of this me ofcourse.

I actually once locked myself in the school bathroom for like 4 hours because I hadn’t completed the homework a teacher had given me and she was quite physically abusive towards me. I got suspended for a week because of this funnily enough nobody in my school actually remember this and most are really surprised to know I was suspended.

I am actually really famous or infamous by the way you look at it for physically assaulting a teacher funnily enough the name of the teacher, why I am attacked them and even how I hit them changes from person to person I have actually heard 10-15 different variations from different people( I am not even sure if I actually ever hit a teacher most I remember is I lunged at one teacher but she stepped back so I didn’t even touch her).

20) I was depressed from age 14 to 17 which caused me to chronic pain which later caused me to meet my current psychologist who helped me a lot but is vehemently against me getting any sort of neurodivergent diagnosis most she say is I have borderline adhd tendencies and that I think to much and should focus on calming down my mind which honestly is quite invalidating.

21) I can’t wear any sort of itchy or frilly materials when I was younger ( the texture was soo bad) but my sister could which made my mother think I was being a drama queen.

22) When I was younger I use toilet paper after using a bidet because the feeling of wet pants would over stem me so bad it’s not a problem for me anymore except from sometimes during winters.

23) I didn’t know Chewelry existed when I was younger so I chewed on my nails/skin,my lips, squishy parts of remotes, plastic toys, legos, scarfs, hoody strings, hot glue gun glue, chalk, cement, sand, mud etc. (Yes I know about the microplastics now no I don’t care).

24) I am highly sensitive to sounds so if my fan have a weird creak sound I won’t be able too sleep I also can’t sleep if I hear a clock ticking or any other repetitive sounds ( my mum still doesn’t understand why I can’t just force myself to sleep).

25) I also can’t sleep in continuous silence I need background noise to fall asleep.

26) It took me a whole year of forcing myself to wear bra and panties for my body to finally get used to me wearing them. It was a stimulation nightmare but I think it was worth it I enjoy wearing bras and panties now.

27) I can’t eat apples like I physically cringe even thinking of the sensation of biting into an apple. I have tried cutting an apple into every single why I could I still can’t swallow or even properly chew an apple the texture is such a sensory nightmare for me. Cabbage used to be the same for me but though constant reintroduction I can usually for myself to eat it with a glass of water

28) I have had many foods be absolutely sensory nightmare for me throughout my childhood. I was a very picky eater think bread, soup, lentils and noodles(packet noodles without vegetables). I couldn’t eat any kinds of fruits(except banana), vegetables, pizza , burgers (still don’t eat this), dumplings, wraps, pasta,etc. Heck I was a vegetarian for majority of my life before I learned chicken is actually a great textured food for me though I still don’t eat any form of red meat or sea foods and my food list is still very limited I have constantly reintroduced many foods for myself over the years which I can now usually bear to eat. I also learned that I can usually consume fruit and vegetables better if they are liquids so fruits juices, smoothies and soups were also great help.

29) I was and still am an absolutely clean freak and organiser. Like my bag use to have books organised in this specific order English, Hindi, Maths, Science and then Social studies and it needs to been in this order or I would get anxious. Fortunately no one else in my house ever wanted to organise anything so I would organise everything with way I would want it to be while also being neat.

30) One of my biggest sources of stress came from how dirty my siblings made our room. I would deep clean everything and then organise our books , toys and clothes and then clean and organise our bed they would just bulldozers through and ruin all my hard work in a day or two. Unfortunately I had this sense of cleanliness and order since I was a child and my siblings who were even younger then me weren’t slobs(ok maybe my brother was but anyway) they just weren’t wired to like cleanliness and order like I did and being children anything I told them about how we can keep our room clean went over their heads because I was always their to do it for them.

31) I actually had many special interests growing up though I didn’t have trains as an interest except for the cool toy train set I got as a gift or the maglev trains who are objectively very cool. My biggest special interest were rocks, space and animals especially all the books Nat geography and scholastic puts out on animals. I actually had a rock collection mostly made up of sedimentary rock and a piece of lime stone which my mother later kept in the shed where it got lost during home construction. I also have a modest collection of books and another collection of small childhood trinkets that I still have (I recently bought a clay bird that mimics actual bird call when filled with a little water to add to my collection).

32) I forget I need to eat and drink it’s always been like this I don’t have that internal clock that says you are thirsty go drink water or you are hungry go eat food . I need to remind myself it’s been 12 hrs I probably need water it’s been 32 hrs you should probably get some food or at least have a protein shake it’s like my body has no sense of hunger or thirst but I am getting better at eating and drinking at least the drinking water part anyway.

33) I am tired it’s not recent but in the last few years since I became an adult I feel so tired I use to be the topper of my class the gifted children that participated in everything now I am in college and just getting an 80% feels draining everyone has so much hope for me that I could and should do better but I am just tired. I walk and trekk sometimes but I don’t participate in any events and I see others I see my roommate who participates in like 5 different events and still gets a 95% if she can do it why can’t I. I use to be able to do so much and now I don’t have the drive to do much of anything anymore it’s so painful to realise that I should do better but what does better looks like for someone who is as tired as I am.

I did took some online test as well just to see if I even had a chance and the results were mostly the same I have many Adhd/Autistic tendencies and should probably get a professional diagnosis. I would be very thankful if my fellow autistic and adhd people would help me add more targeted experiences so I can finally get a diagnosis

@my-autism-adhd-blog you inspired me write all of this down and it would be very helpful if you could guide me to get a better diagnosis because of your experience. Also I greatly enjoy the contents of your blog so thank you for that

[supertrainstationh]

CHARITY CASE CHAMPION

by A. Griffin / Super Train Station H ---------------------------------

I round up with pride at the checkout for Autism Speaks, but insult adults who like "Thomas the Tank Engine", and call them freaks.

I want to help the disabled, my bumper sticker proves it, truly, but when they get older, they better not enjoy "Bluey".

I support the autistic, and buy charity merch gladly, but I harass them online over things that make them happy.

There's no way those people could be autistic in any case, because I'm normal, so how could them, and me, be in a common space?

Leading brand charities told me what to look for: kids, often pitiable, easy to be adored, typically male - if they don't look like that, they're surely faking it, without fail!

I trust groups claiming to speak for disabled folks, without a doubt, but when they speak for themselves, it proves they're acting for web clout.

I "light it up blue," so those with hardships won't be silenced, but if I meet them online, I pelt them with written violence.

If they were really autistic they wouldn't and shouldn't have mentioned it! Speaking to me is for equals, I know I'm better than them!

How dare adults speak of benefiting from therapy courses? They should feel terrible for stealing disabled children's resources!

My heart goes out for those with sensory issues, in their younger days, but when they grow up, seeing them happy makes me outraged.

God forbid an adult enjoy things rated for all ages, or draw themselves as creatures from the comic strip pages.

I sympathize with web videos of disabled kid's meltdowns, but I see an adult happily flapping online, I'll run them out of town!

Why should it be on me to stow my righteous hostility?

Those phonies are mocking the plight of children with special needs!

"Autistic adult" is clearly an oxymoron. I browsed a charity website, so I know what's really going on!

Autistic people aren't legit unless they're kids that don't talk, that means adults that use vocal speech are committing fraud.

And as for those with different brains who happen to be silent, why consider their feelings, when they belong in asylum?

Stories put forth by autistic adults, are clearly embellishments, since for disabled people, they sure seem oddly intelligent.

I'm a well-balanced person, doing what little good I can manage, so I lurk online seeking targets to hate and disparage.

Exposing the lies of those that falsely claim to be special, makes me such a good person, that I deserve a gold medal!

So pitch in this April, every penny will be spent well - the cute kids on the posters, need every bit of help.

Their lives have been stolen, only your cash can restore their dreams!

But know, they shouldn't be cared about, after they hit eighteen!

---------------------------------

[Twitch] [VOD Channel] [Writing FA] [Ko-fi]

[blondwhxrewrites]

A/N: This is for all my autistic homies. I fucking love you guys 😘. Btw this is based on how autism shows itself in girls/women. Remember for all my autistic girlies, never ever feel sorry for being yourself ❤️

"Mattheo, I'm autistic." 

Mattheo looked at you, mouth agape. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you quizzically, obviously confused. "What's that?" he questioned, his head tilting slightly to the side. 

You stared at him, unblinking. "You don't know what autism is?" You asked, slowly processing his lack of information. Was wizard society really that far behind? Damn. You sighed, chewing on your lower lip. How was one supposed to explain autism to someone who has probably no idea what disabilities even are? 

"Well, Matty, to sum it up, I don't work like other people do," you tried to explain while sitting down next to him. "My mind works differently than yours and other people's." 

He watched you curiously, taking in your words and trying to make sense of them in his mind. "Is that supposed to scare me away because, darling, it isn't working? You're not getting rid of me." 

You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, it might scare some people away, but no, that's not why I'm telling you this," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness at seeing his positive reaction. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that being in a relationship with me will be different from other relationships you have been in before." 

Mattheo nodded, his foot repeatedly tapping the ground. "Well, I'm willing to learn. So lay it all on me, baby," he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smile as he looked at you. He watched as you wrung your hands together, and he reached out, grabbing one of your hands and squeezing it. "Darling, I'm being serious when I say I want to learn." 

Your shoulders went slack, and you let out a deep sigh. The nerves you felt slowly washed away with the assurance of his words. "Well," you began.

"I have a hard time with social cues and reading people. If someone is mad at me or annoyed, I won't be able to tell unless they specifically tell me that. While some people might be able to take hints, I can't really recognize them. I need you to be straightforward with me about your feelings." Your eyes darted to his, making sure he was listening before you continued.

"I can't handle loud and crowded places that well. They make me overwhelmed and overstimulated, and that can lead me to have a meltdown. Which is when my mind practically shuts down, or at least it feels like it, and I kind of regress during those. I can't speak or do anything, and I tend to hurt myself during those, like hitting myself. I also sometimes hurt others when they try to help me through my meltdowns. I don't mean to; I just can't really control what I do in those moments. Sometimes even the slightest of things can cause me to melt down or panic. If a change of plans happens, I can sometimes have extreme reactions to it that can derail my entire day. I'm not very good with change. I stim a lot, and sometimes it can look weird. Like, whenever I'm excited, you know how I jump up and down and flail my hands? That's me stimming. Repetitive motions, stuff like that. I also have a weird relationship with touch and intimacy. It depends on the person; for example, I feel comfortable touching you, but with Blaise, I don't. It changes a lot."

Mattheo listened intently to your words, nodding along and trying to make a mental checklist. All of this was important to you, and that meant it was important to him too. He didn't care how long this conversation would take, he was willing to hear everything you had about this.

"I go non-verbal sometimes, and I can't speak or talk for hours up to days. I literally can't talk, even if I want to. That usually happens after meltdowns or when I'm feeling really intense emotions. I have sensory issues and can't wear some clothes because of how they feel on my body. My relationship with food is basically non-existent. I can't eat some things because of how it feels, and sometimes I go selective eating, and it's really hard to eat anything else besides my safe foods. I also just sometimes forget to eat because I don't really process that I feel hungry unless I'm starving. I mask my autism a lot, hence why people sometimes think I'm lying when I tell them I'm autistic. I tend to copy other people unconsciously. That's why you see me and Pansy having a lot of the same little habits. "

You finished, your voice faltering as you looked at him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's a lot of other things, but that's like a pretty surface-level breakdown of it." You added, looking away from him and at the ground. "Oh, and also, if you see me not looking at you during conversations, it's not because I'm not listening; it's because I'm just not good with eye contact."

It was a lot of new information for Mattheo. He'd never considered the fact that people could, how did you say it, work differently? He'd have to ask you more about it during a later conversation. "I can work with that," he shrugged. 

Your lips curled up into a smile, and your eyes slowly lit up. "Really?" you asked, genuinely worried that he was just playing with you. 

"Well, I mean, obviously, I have a lot to learn still, and I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes."

"Everyone makes mistakes," you interrupted him. 

He shushed you, playfully pressing his finger to your lips to stop you from talking. "What I'm trying to say is that your being autistic changes nothing to me. It's who you are, and I love who you are. I promise you, I'm going to try my hardest." 

You felt tears prick your eyes, and you nodded. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Matty," you sniffled, and you squeezed his hand. 

"Like I said before, darling, you're not ever getting rid of me."

[natashaslesbian]

We Saved Each Other (Part Ten)

It’s your first birthday with your new mama, unfortunately it doesn’t go to plan

Word Count: 2.7k

Content: Autistic Meltdown

————

“A little to the left” Natasha guided Clint in hanging up yet another banner. “I’ve tied all the balloons up” Maria called as she came into the room. Today was your 7th birthday and Natasha had promised it would be a day to remember. You had never celebrated your birthday having grown up in the red room and with a father who didn’t care, it was something Natasha had been excited about since she adopted you last year. Your day so far had been filled with breakfast in bed, a few presents and now you were at the zoo with auntie Laura and your cousins, Lila and Cooper (and you were very excited that Laura was expecting another baby). You had begged your mama to come with you but she told you she had paper work that needed to be done. Little did you know, Natasha had sent you on a trip in order to decorate your house for a surprise party. After living in the Barton’s barn for a few months, Nat found an adorable cottage in the countryside. You loved your new house, it was perched on a small hill and overlooked fields filled with sheeps and horses. The back garden had a small pond and you’re favourite part of the day was feeding the fish and having Natasha push you super high on the swings. It was the perfect hideaway when the avengers tower got too much, it had been especially crazy since the organisation had formed a few short months ago.

You were currently waiting in line to feed the alpacas, something you had been talking about non stop all day. The line was moving quickly and you could hardly wait “Auntie Laura is it my turn next?” You asked excitedly. “I think so birthday girl, you ready?” Laura asked as she guided you forward, you nodded excitedly as you grabbed your bowl of grass. “Here we go then, lift up some food for them” your auntie leaded you. you smiled widely as one of the alpacas came over to munch on some grass “look Lila!” You cheered as you twisted to see your cousin. In turning your back you accidentally moved the bowl away from the alpaca, making it harder for him to grab some grass. Not thinking anything was wrong, you turned around with your big rosy cheeks and came face to face with an angry alpaca who immediately spat roughly in your face. You screamed loudly as the goo landed on your face “auntie Laura!” You yelled as you dropped the bowl into the pen, distracting the alpacas. “It’s okay sweetie he just got a little angry” Laura said as she lifted you off the small podium you were placed upon. “Get it off me!” You sobbed as your hands began to flap, the first sign that your autism was starting to take over.

Back at home, Natasha was adding the final touches to your decorated house. There were banners on every wall and balloons filled the hallway. Maria was finishing decorating your cake when Clint came running in with his phone held to his ear “Nat, we need to go get y/n” he said breathlessly. Natasha dropped everything as she came to talk to Clint “what’s happened?” She said in a panicked voice, a million thoughts racing behind her eyes. “Some animal spat on her she’s having a meltdown” Clint said as he guided Nat towards the door, the two didn’t waste a second as they climbed into the car and headed to the zoo. “I knew this was a bad idea” Natasha sighed “she’s been so overwhelmed lately I should’ve just suggested the park or something I just wanted today to be special for her” she said in a panicked quickness. “Breathe Nat” Clint said as he placed a comforting hand on his friends shoulder “she’s got her coping mechanisms right?” He asked. “Yeah but she’s never had to use them without me there, she’s never had a meltdown without me, I should’ve gone with her Clint” Natasha mumbled as her eyes filled with tears. “She’ll be okay, she always bounces back, just like her mom” Clint smiled as he consoled Natasha.

Peoples heads were starting to turn at the zoo, some in understanding and some in annoyance. Lila and cooper stood back as they watched their mom try to comfort their dear cousin. Lila still didn’t really understand why you got so upset at what she felt was a tiny problem but Cooper was slowly learning how to help and interact with you. “Where’s mommy!” You cried as you gripped onto Laura’s sweatshirt “she’s on her way y/n okay, deep breaths sweetheart” Laura said. Your knuckles were starting to turn white at the sheer force of your grip, the material being twisted and pulled in between your fingers. Laura had attempted to get you to count to 10, tried the ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1’ method but so far nothing had calmed you. “Mommy look it’s daddy and auntie Nat!” Lila called as she saw Clint’s car pull into the car park, pointing over with a wide smile. “Y/n hey, look who’s here” Laura cooed, trying to get your focus onto Natasha. The widow came rushing over when she saw your state, pushing past the small crowd of people who had gathered. “Can you give her some space please?” Clint said to all the bystanders. “Y/n baby!” Natasha called as she came over to you, you ran straight into her arms when you heard her voice. “Mama I don’t like it” you sobbed into her arms “I know sweetie it’s ok mommy’s here” Natasha said as she squeezed you with all her might, something she learned early on helped to ground you.

You couldn’t quite remember the actual events that happened next but in your next moment of consciousness you felt the familiar beanbag underneath you and the weight of your blanket was wrapping around you perfectly. You peaked out through your half opened eyes and realised you were at the tower. Your mom had created four calm spaces for you at your most visited locations, your house, Clint’s house, the avengers tower and S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. You opened your eyes fully when you realised it was dim, small lava lamps illuminated the corners of the room just how you liked it. The black out curtains were pulled tightly shut and all the electronics had been unplugged (Natasha spent weeks looking for a battery powered lava lamp). You saw a flash of red hair in the corner of your eyes and were immediately calmed by the presence of your mother. Noticing you were awake, Natasha slowly made her way over to you, sitting close by but far enough away. She began to sign slowly, something Clint was teaching the both of you for when you needed absolute silence. Taking her time to get it right, Natasha signed for ‘voice’ and you nodded slowly letting her know it was okay to talk. “Hi baby” she whispered “is there anything in the room that needs to be adjusted?” She asked. You looked around the room quickly and shook your head no. “Do you want touch right now?” Your mom said, you nodded quickly and reached out for your mom.

Still wrapped up in your weighted blanket, Natasha gently picked you up and sat you on her lap atop the beanbag. She swayed slowly as she held you close, adding the perfect amount of pressure. “You’re not having the best of birthdays are you baby girl?” Natasha said. “No” you mumbled quietly, rubbing your face against the bare skin above Nats t shirt. Your mom pulled her shirt over her head, cooing gently when you whined at the brief loss of contact. You settled again instantly at the feeling of her soft chest. “I think I have something that might make it a bit better, if you want it?” Natasha said as she pulled you close. “What is it?” You asked sceptically looking up at your mom through your eyelashes “well it’s a very special present I got for you” she said as she shifted you in her arms. Now perched comfortably on your mamas knee, you questioned her further on this special present “why is it special?” You asked. “Because it’s more than a present, it’s something mommy has been thinking about getting you for a long time. I think he’s gonna make you really happy” Natasha said. “He?” You asked inquisitively “is it a person mama?” You said. “Not quite, shall we go and find out?” Nat asked. “Yes please” you said as you wrapped your legs your moms waist and held on tight behind her neck.

Natasha made sure you had fully adjusted to the light before she walked down the hall with you on her hip, after pulling her shirt back over her head. She’d given you a fidget toy to help soothe you further, the worst of your meltdown had passed but she wanted to keep you from going backwards into another one. It was a Saturday so the tower was quiet, the avengers floor practically silent, the crew cleaning up after the attack on New York didn’t work weekends either. You passed through the empty halls unfazed and happily stimming with your fidget snake, only when you heard a familiar voice did you look up from your hands. “Hey little spider” Clint said when you smiled wildly at him “are you feeling better?” He asked. You nodded slowly and made grabby hands towards him, wanting to feel the softness of the familiar sweatshirt he was wearing. You settled in his arms until a sharp bark took you by surprise, you covered your ears at the sudden noise but quickly calmed and flashed an inquisitive look at your mom. “What did you hear baby?” Natasha asked you with a wide smile. “A woof woof” you said questioningly “is there a doggy?” You asked as you scrambled out of Clint’s arms to investigate. “Why don’t we go and see where the woof woof came from?” Your mom said as she took a hold of your hand.

You tip toed down the corridor, listening intensely for another sound, particularly a bark. “It’s coming from in here mama!” You beamed as you came to the avengers common room. “Maybe you should go and have a look” Clint said as he pushed down on the handle. Natasha nodded as she encouraged you to enter the room, you walked in slowly to the dimly lit space. Looking up to your right you saw a pink balloon gently flowing around the room. “A balloon mommy” you said as you jogged slowly around the couch. Your eyes went wide when you saw a fluffy grey husky sitting beside the coffee table “a doggy!” You exclaimed as you looked down into the bright blue eyes of the feline “look little spider he has a note with him!” Clint said, pointing towards the folded card on the table. You ran towards it and picked it up to have a look, it read:

‘Hi y/n. My name is Joey. I’m a special doggy to help you with your autism. I am really friendly and will help you need me’

You finished reading and looked back at Natasha “he’s for me mommy?” You asked. “He is” your mom said as she crouched down beside you, calling Joey over to you both “he’s specially trained to look after you when you get overwhelmed” Natasha said as she gently brushed through the dogs hair. You cautiously placed your hand out for Joey to inspect and he wagged his tail excitedly when he sniffed your fingers “he’s funny” you giggled when Joey came up to lick your face, the gentle strokes of his tongue and his soft fur soothing you. “I think he likes you” Natasha said as she released her hold on Joeys collar, she was delighted when he came to sit at your feet and looked up at you with his adoring eyes. “I like him too mommy, can he sleep in my room?” You begged. “Of course, he’s your special doggy y/n, so he can always stay with you. He’ll always be there if you need him, he can tell when you’re upset so he’ll come and help you and he can alert me if you need mamas help” Natasha explained. “Thank you mommy! I love him so much!” You shrieked as you ran into Natasha’s arms.

Nat stood back as she watched you play with Joey, he was so gentle with you that it brought a lump to her throat. Clint wrapped an arm around his best friends shoulder as he watched on too. “I think they’ll be best friends in no time” he said. Clint had spent months helping Natasha research for therapy animals and he’d taken her to all the meetings. Natasha knew as soon as she met Joey that he was the perfect dog for you and after making sure he was fully trained, she couldn’t wait to bring him home. “I’m guessing the party’s off?” Clint asked as he stepped back. Natasha watched you run around happily while Joey chased your balloon. “I think the party’s right here.”

10 years later.

“Sit Joey” you said as you called your husky to your side “good boy” you praised as you slipped him a treat. Natasha came around the side of your truck after securing the last of your boxes. “You’re all set” she said with a slight quiver in her voice. “Mama don’t cry again” you laughed as you pulled the redhead into your arms. “I can’t help it” Natasha said as she took your face into her hands “my grown up baby girl, off to college. Have I told you that I’m so proud of you” Your mom smiled. “Many times mama” you said as you lent your forehead against Natasha’s. Joey whined at the lack of attention and Nat crouched down to stroke him “oh Joey I’m gonna miss you too. The house is gonna be so quiet without you stomping around” she giggled. You took a glance up at your house, remembering all of the memories you never thought you would have. Natasha had made up for every year of love you were deprived of and along the way you found yourself the best family in the world.

Clint and Laura also cried the day you got accepted into Harvard and Tony threw you the biggest going away party, abiding closely by the many rules Natasha had set to make sure you were comfortable. Yelena was gutted that you two wouldn’t be able to take Joey and Fanny for their doggy play dates. After you, your mom and Yelena had taken down the red room, you had gotten so close with your auntie you couldn’t imagine life without her. But she had promised to face time very day, though you knew it would just be to talk to Joey. You never thought you’d be doing this, leaving your family, going to college. There was a time when you thought your life would only ever be spying and killing, but as soon as Natasha came along you knew you’d be okay. She’d been there through it all. Holding you after every nightmare. Being by your side during each meltdown. Comforting you when the PTSD hit in your teenage years. She’d given you the life you never thought you would have.

Opening the door swiftly, you guided Joey up into the truck, making sure his tail was tucked away before closing the car door. “I gotta get going” you frowned. Natasha lifted your chin with her manicured fingers. “Hey, you know I’m always with you, wherever you are. If you need me, you call me and I’ll be there in seconds. It’s time for you to live your life y/n” she said as she gently ran her fingers through your hair. “You’ve already helped me to live my life mommy. I love you so much. You saved me” you cried softly. “Oh baby” Natasha said as she looked into your eyes “we saved each other”

————

And that’s it! The end of the WSEO series. Thank you for all the support on this story!🤍

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Taglist<3

@saraaahsstuff / @dannipotatoo / @tobiaslut / @nevaeh-daughterofvalcarol / @marvelnatasha12346 / @yelenasdiary / @mousetheorist / @ashadash0904 / @strange-night-owl / @kkreader78o / @hatergirl-69 / @asv-xx

[arthyritis]

I have an intellectual disability. Mild bordering on moderate in most areas, according to my diagnosis.

What this means for me is that all sorts of communication gets lost in my brain. I process things slower, social interactions get jumbled, and tasks that I should know how to do sometimes require a little extra help, like eating, cooking, hygiene, etc, but especially things I'm unfamiliar with.

Setting and having non-stagnant reminders handy helps with my scheduling, as in not doing the same things at the same time but instead with a more specific cause, like telling my partner at bedtime that I need to brush my teeth, which is more likely to make me do it, or having food already prepared that I can just heat up instead of cooking a full meal.

With things I'm unfamiliar with (like cooking a new meal, or doing something at someone else's place) it means walking me through it step-by-step. My family friend is blind and has a more specific way of doing things that I'm unequipped for, but that my mom knows, so she tells me what I need to do/where to put things that he'll be able to find them again.

I'm also independent, so sometimes I will struggle to ask for the help I need and will have a freeze response. Comorbid with my AD(H)D and anxiety, this can lead to panic attacks and meltdowns, so it's oftentimes important to pay closer attention to things I'm doing that I am not aware of until after the panic has started.

All this to say, even a "milder" diagnosis requires a lot of help sometimes. MID is my diagnosis but this honestly works for autism and adhd peeps, too. For me, there's an overlap between how my symptoms of MID work with how autism works (something I'm also suspected of having), but with the added bonus of being learning disabled, which autism doesn't guarantee, because that's specifically a developmental disability, while intellectual disability is a learning disability and a developmental disability.

I'm two years diagnosed as of June 30th, I'm learning how to cope with this still. But it remains a disability! Happy disability pride month to my fellow intellectually disabled peeps :)

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

As an autistic person, I want to say something about The Good Doctor.

Over the last month or so - but especially the last two days - Twitter has gone nuts about dragging the absolute piss out of this show. Because autism representation is so rare in major television shows or movies, I’ve been finding myself questioning whether The Good Doctor is in fact “good” representation in the slightest or if I’m just clinging onto it because it’s one of the few shows out there with an autistic lead… and people dragging the shit out of it has made me even more unsure because I’ve only seen one and a half seasons of the show so far and so I can’t really speak on how the show has done recently in regards to portraying autism.

Personally, do I feel that Shaun in TGD represents me and how I am autistic? No. But to be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to because autism is a spectrum and the areas where my autism affects my life will be different to other people’s; it’s also worth noting that it’s been shown that autistic traits are different in girls than in boys, and that girls tend to mask more etc. Obviously this does not apply to ALL boys and ALL girls, but in general it’s thought that girls and women tend to have different traits to boys and men.

With this in mind, Shaun actually does remind me at times of a child at the school I’m currently at - again, not 100% the same but there’s similarities in regards to how they talk, what they say etc. However, that child is five-nearly-six, and Shaun is a grown man so… do with that information what you will. There have also been a couple of moments I’ve had so far watching the show where it’s seemed like lightening has struck and I’m like “Oh that’s me!” - namely the social awkwardness and a meltdown scene. It’s not every episode, it’s only on occasion, but it’s been nice to see nonetheless because the only other time I’ve witnessed that with an actual confirmed autistic character is Newt Scamander.

Obviously I don’t speak for all autistic people, and I’m very aware that many other autistic people have expressed dislike and criticism of the show - and I get it, I truly do. I do think the show isn’t exactly the best written (to put it nicely) and that it gives a very stereotypical representation of autism, namely “white boy/man autism”. I don’t want to bash the show too much because while I’ve seen complaints about it, I’ve also had some fellow autistic people say to me that they love the show and that they feel Shaun represents them - and that’s great.

I do want to express my discomfort about the fact that people have turned a scene where Shaun is having a meltdown into a meme. There is a very fine line between criticizing a piece of media for bad representation and then mocking autistic meltdowns - and I think a lot of neurotypicals are in fact just using it as an excuse to laugh at autistic people and mock us. It’s not just that scene either: I’ve seen people mocking clips showing how he stands, how he talks, how he interacts with people, and it very much feels like people just wanted a chance to make ableist comments about autistic people.

It’s also interesting that this show has so far had six whole seasons air, it’s got extremely high viewership, and yet it’s only now that people are taking offence to a scene that occurred at least four years ago. I know that Twitter has had a field day over another scene in the first season where Shaun at first struggles to understand why a trans woman is “she” (which, you know, is a whole other kettle of fish given that I’ve seen it claimed that autistic people are more likely to be trans/NB etc), and far right TERFs/bigots were using that scene as some kind of “gotcha!”… right up until it was pointed out that by the end of the episode, Shaun fully accepted the trans woman’s gender identity and used the correct pronouns.

Again, I’m not saying this was brilliant writing or anything, but it was several years ago and is only now being brought up, same with other scenes taken out of context in the show… Yes, autistic people have voiced grievances with it before, but were ignored - I don’t believe for one minute that the neurotypicals making the memes and being preachy give one shit about actually autistic people or care about us, because otherwise why were our voices ignored before? It’s only now that it’s been getting public notice for the trans episode that people are going “ohhhh this show sucks and is bad representation” as if members of the autistic community haven’t voiced that opinion for years. It just rubs me the wrong way quite frankly.

What I will say is that I’m tired of seeing people drag Freddie Highmore though. He’s a good actor, anyone who’s seen him in things he’s done since his childhood will know that, it’s not his fault if he’s given shit scripts to work with. I do also think Freddie means well with his portrayal, even if he’s (as far as we know) allistic and the fact he appeared in an Autism $peaks video (because of TGD/all the cast did it) - the man has zero social media presence whatsoever though and didn’t even know what Pokémon Go was, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt this time and assume he truly hasn’t been informed about how harmful that organisation is. Or maybe I’m just going soft on him because seven year old me had an age appropriate crush on him eighteen years ago, who knows at this point?

I’m hoping all of this talk will open up a dialogue about the show and about the representation of autism, if nothing else.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hii!!! Can you do Jeff and Toby reacting to Y/N having an autistic related meltdown?

Male or gender neutral reader pls :]

I'm not autistic, nor have I ever witnessed an autistic meltdown, so I hope I did ok!

Also, apologies Jeff has more, but only because of the information about the "cool down room"

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff

There are a number of creeos in the mansion, all with different disabilities, mental illnesses/disorders, etc

That being said, there are usually plenty of fidget toys, nice things for you to touch and feel with that aren't the worst textures in the world, and I also like to think that after a while, Slender had a "cool down" room put into the mansion

Said cool down room is a dark, quiet room for anyone to go when feeling overstimulated, feeling anxious, or just needs a break

It has plenty of cozy resting spots, pillows, a huge pillar designed to look like a lava lamp and you even have the option to play soft music if you would like

There is usually only 1 or 2 people in the room, so it's never too crowded

And tonight was one of those nights where you just needed to be in a quiet space

It was one of the mansions monthly get togethers, where everyone came into the dining room and feasted upon lots of delicious food

There was something there for everyone, and at first, you were really enjoying yourself!

But after you finished your food and had talked to a few of your friends, you kind of just mingled to yourself

And as time passed, you began to get more and more overwhelmed

There were so many people, and too many noises and the amount of smells wanted to make you puke

Eventually it began to feel like your clothes were too tight and you couldn't breathe

You began to stim as discretely as you could (whether it be quietly vocally stimming, or trying to slowly physically stim is up to you!)

You were certain that if anyone talked to you, you would end up either crying or snapping at them

Jeff noticed, and pulled you aside "hey, you ok? You look a little nervous"

You shook your head and tried to stop the tears from falling

"Is it ok if I touch your hand?" He asks

You nod

He holds your hand and begins to lead you to the cool down room

Once there he sits down on a bean bag and pats the spot next to him for you to do the same

You sit and stare at the floor, trying to calm yourself down

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Jeff says in a hushed tone

You shake your head and continue staring at the floor

He gets a blanket and wraps you in it, holding you close to him and sheilding your eyes from the outside world

His cool skin is nice on your warm eyes

Jeff is an asshole, but you were thankful he cared about you enough to do this

Toby

Like previously mentioned, there is a "cool down room" in the mansion (go read the first few bullets of Jeff's part if you would like more info)

It is one of your favorite rooms, so you find yourself in there quite often

Toby, also being on the autism spectrum, also stays in there from time to time

You've helped him through numerous meltdowns and panic attacks, and he is eternally greatful for you

So when he wondered into the room to you with a very frantic look on your face and constantly fidgeting, stimming, covering your ears, etc (up to you and your personal experiences!) he knew what was happening

Normally he doesn't like to be bothered when he's in this state, so he decides to ask you a few questions

"Are you ok?" "Do you want me to stay?" "Do you need me to do anything for you?"

After you answer all of these questions, he is either sitting next to you, trying to comfort you or he is sitting on the other end of the room comforting you from afar

If he is next to you, he is holding you in his arms, quietly rocking back and forth with you

If he is opposite to you, he is offering you water, snacks, and stim toys

Either way, you end up getting through it (as tough as it was) and thanking him for staying

He of course, is quick to tell you that you can always come hang out with him if you ever need or want to

You end up spending the rest of the day together, foraging in the woods, eating weird foods or just staying in the cool down room

You wrap up in nice blankets and falling asleep

Its just so cozy in there, you can't help it!

[bettathanyou]

hii i just wanted to say i really appreciate how much love you put into all of your writings, its all so heartwarming and detailed, and you capture cedrics character SO well. you have such an in depth understanding of his personality and its commendable. i really admire your dedication and love for this guy and how willing you are to share it with others :]

but ya i have a request, a headcanon list (or story/anything u wanna do) of Cedrics autistic behavior and maybe how he would act with an autistic partner? the idea of there being this mutual understanding of each others needs is really sweet to me. also i personally hc him with adhd alongside autism so it would be neat if that could get mixed in somehow, too :D no problem if not!

ANON. WTF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY FR?? THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, THANK YOU. I get so scared of MISCHARACTERIZING Cedric, so to hear that I have an in depth understanding of him from you made my entire day, month, YEAR. I hope this headcanon list is good and up to expectations!!

AuDHD Cedric The Sorcerer Headcanons (With Autistic S/O)

Coming from someone with AuDHD with an autistic best friend, I can't stress how much source material I have to speak about this sifkdiieis

FIRST THINGS FIRST. SENSORY ISSUES GALOREEEEE. That man will shrivel and die if he were ever in the modern era and came into direct contact with a microfiber towel.

A secret Headcanon I have (outside of the reasons I listed in my first headcanon list about Cedric!) Is he wears gloves BECAUSE Cedric has sensory/texture issues. His potion ingredients seem incredibly bizarre at times, and I'm sure the textures of them just get overwhelming at times. If you're wondering why the fingertips are exposed, he might need the extra grip to handle delicate objects, etc etc.

His robe is basically a weighted blanket, argue with the wall. He needs to be regulated somehow, and he's still a nervous wreck anyways

We know Cedric's speech is affected by his audhd. Dude has pedantic speech, overly emotive or deadpan, his volume control is non-existent when excited.

Expanding on that, his tendency to mix up words for spells seems a little... Neurospicy, on top of the anxiety

Forgets spells constantly. Not actually forget how to do them, just forgetting they exist cuz adhd

Has CHRONICALLY turned his workshop inside out because the thing Cedric was using just disappeared after he set it down!

(it was in his hand the whole time lol)

HC that outside of, yk, lack of personal space because no one knocks except Sofia, Autism rage whenever you're being interrupted from a task, especially something your fixated on, DRIVES HIM SO INSANE

Lack of patience. Just. Irritable, and same

His only friend (before Sofia) was an animal companion. C'mon y'all.

Music is so important to Cedric! It helps him regulate. He sings, he dances, he appreciates the dragon Acapella! Definitely uses music to stim, as well as dancing. He does it way too much. Audhd people usually are very connected to creative outlets such as music

Speaking of, his flying machine? CEDRIC IS AN INVENTOR. SO MANY INVENTORS ARE/WERE NEURODIVERGENT

Cedric is so genuinely shocked by kindness from Sofia even though she's consistent with it. That can definitely be trauma, but also feels like a lack of emotional permanence

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria SO BADDDDD Cedric would have a shutdown about it (thanks ADHD)

Prone to more shutdowns than meltdowns. But as we know, shutdowns inevitably lead to meltdowns anyways. I hc that Cedric is definitely seen as "melancholic" because his mood shifts as well as masking (poorly) his mental state after having meltdowns in private

Definitely tugs at his hair, bites himself, hits his head/fists on hard surfaces during meltdowns :((

Cedric's job as royal sorcerer is fun for the knowledge as special interest aspect, but the social parts leaves him in bad burnout, at least before his redemption

Still hates the social aspect of his job though

Potions are his special interest

The amulet of avalor was a hyperfixation, there I said it!

Due to trauma, but also to adhd, I think Cedric has no emotional object permanence. Dude for real acts a little TOO shocked towards Sofias kindness-

There is two types of audhd: sarcasm is the only language they're fluent in, and cannot distinguish sarcasm to save their life. Cedric is the first.

Sofia is the second type LMAO

Where's the same outfit everyday. Like. Cedric would buy the same set of clothes/outfits because too many choices are just overwhelming, and too many textures are Bad

Speaking of textures, again

Picky eater

I've never seen Cedric eat anything except those jellybean looking candies at his parents house

Jellybean/sweets as a safe food

I hc personally that Cedric is familiar with food magic because he conjures his own meals. I can't imagine people would respect his needs/wants enough to be especially accommodating, so he did it himself

Cedric talks to children as equals because of the lack of social hierarchy due to autism

However with the royals his age he is desperately trying to please people for the sake of acceptance (mood)

Okay

Rapid fire s/o headcanons!

Y'all either talk for hours, or parallel play without a word

Doing Nothing Together While Vibing Is Essential

Even though y'all understand each other well, sometimes the weird social rules you force yourself to mask with still stick. So sometimes y'all will have to ask "are you mad or are you unmasked rn"

Same thing with sarcasm. Taking jokes too literally so then you gotta ask for clarification. At this point it just adds to the joke xD

Cuddling/hugs is the best because THE DEEP PRESSUREEEEE

But also don't touch me when I need space pls

Infodumping whenever the chances arise

Seeing cedrics eyes sparkle his smile lines crease when talking about something that excited him feels like the warmest ray of sunshine

Cedric will sometimes get distracted by how much he loves you and loves seeimh you being happy while infodumping and will ask you to repeat things while apologizing profusely

Cedric will buy you little comfort objects you like or give you cool things he finds

Pebbling!!!

Sometimes y'all need to sleep alone for the sake of space, but other nights you gotta be in each other's skin

And both are okay!

Laying in bed doing a separate activity until bedtime is a good compromise when one of you doesn't want to spend the night, but still wants time together

Switching hyperfixations

Adopting each other's vocal stims/speech mannerisms

Suddenly you're saying Merlin's mushrooms UNIRONICALLY

When shutdowns happen, y'all have communication cards! Very helpful for both parties :))

You both doodled in the margins of each other's communication cards

Cedric chronically loses his and you now you're just letting him use yours until they manifest again 😭

Meltdowns, Cedric needs to be alone. He just can't handle ANYONE seeing it, even you

You respect that... And take care of him afterwards with whatever he needs

Whatever way you need support during shutdowns/meltdowns, Cedric accommodates without question

Just

So much love and acceptance and CHOOSING to put in the work in your relationship

Anyways, that's all I got! Feel free to add on! TYSM for the ask!! This was so lovely and self indulgent to write lmaooo

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

As per usual, I was talking to a client this week about autistic cognitive processing and I felt the sand shifting under my feet. So I come here to you Tumblr to do my own autistic cognitive processing in the hopes of better serving myself and my clients.

I have known for a long time that I can't process my thoughts and emotions verbally. This is what sometimes leads to me getting frustrated, "stuck," and increasingly pressurized towards my meltdown threshhold when I'm trying to express a half-formed thought or need. This is why I often choose to process my cognition in writing. It allows me to sift about in the sands of my mind, sliding to and fro, checking and rechecking, until I find what I need.

There is something to the capacity to shape my communication more freely and without the preesure that I put myself under which often leads to stammering, stuttering, aphasia, confusion, and my inability to hold something as ephemeral as language in my head long enough to manipulate it like clay with my hands. Words are not my brain's mother tongue in the first place, and it can be a welcome relief to truly take the slowed pace I need to translate my thoughts into a language others will understand.

Some others. I am well aware of who I learned my translation process from and of how that has made my translations inaccessible to some of the very people who share my brain.

The thing is, to learn to speak at all when your brain processes this slowly takes enormous effort. To learn to CHANGE your speech is back breaking. I have been trying for fifteen years.

Autistic cognitive processing pace and the disabling ramifications aren't things we talk about often. It's one reason some of us become obsessed with having back up plan upon back up plan (because we literally cannot think fast enough to keep up with the demands of our lives). It's one of the fastest paths to burnouts and meltdowns. It's part of why we are unable to keep up with the demands of social interactions, especially in large groups (too many social cues moving too quickly to be processed at pace and we drop the ball in the moment even if we realize later).

Because the pace of our cognition is chronically slowed, we are chronically disabled socially, emotionally, cognitively, etc, and we are forced to spend an incredible amount of mental and physical energy either compensating for that, recovering from it, or both. That is energy and resources neurotypical people get to spend on other things in their lives, maybe a project or hobby, a relationship, hell, just relaxing.

There can be upsides to it. This slowed cognition seems to be related to how the process of bottom-up analysis functions during cognitive processes in Autistic folks' brains. That bottom-up analysis is a really interesting cognitive processing style that seems to be responsible for increased pattern recognition! So a lot of how we're able to analyze, learn, understand, mimic, etc based on pattern recognition is thanks to this processing style. It helps us take in a holisticly detail oriented view of the things we look at, which can (with support) make us great researchers, investigative journalists, and inventers.

But while the upsides have become more discussed as we've become more willing to see Autism itself as neutral (a very good thing in my opinion), we sometimes forget the other side of the coin.

I often find myself trying to brute force my way through my processing pace. It always ends badly. And that's really the trouble. I can talk most of the time, but I can talk A LOT faster than I can process my thoughts. So most of the time my words are just. Garbage. Sounds. If you ask my to speak to you, you are asking me to fill up soundwaves because realistically my brain moves at about 25% of the speed of the conversation.

It's why as a clinician I have to be so incredibly careful what I do and say and how I hear my clients because I *truly* am processing what the tell me at auch a significant delay. It can sometimes be days later when the information truly settles into place.

The same is obviously true in my personal life! It can take me days or even weeks to figure out what a single thought or feeling means in the context of my own life because I have to process that often entirely alone or just on paper. Not because no on one WOULD help me I have people in my life who would be willing but because by the time talking to someone would be any help, I would have basically figured it out enough to just say it out loud and I don't really need their help by then. There are rare exceptions to this when I do definitely seek help but it can be so frustrating to be trapped, voiceless, in your own emotions.

I don't have a framework for this, only the suggestion to embrace the slowness. I have found that when you are not constantly fighting against it all the time, it feels a little more like home, a little more like it's working FOR your instead of AGAINST you.

[conspicuous-clown-car]

lemme ramble for a bit

so i have this story in my head of my self insert and the bs they go through while working at the pizzaplex for like 2 years as a night guard

and originally they were gonna die at the end of it before the events of security breach, smth about them finally getting what they wanted bc that’s one of the reasons they wanted to work there in the first place. but i thought that was way too sad, despite, yknow, it being a horror and if i was in their place id definitely be dead before then. plus there are some things worse than death in the fnaf universe. so i decided to veer away from angst for this story and go for a more thriller horror (maybe psychological) type thing yknow? makes it more fun

THEN i was like yo what if ghosts kids start haunting them to help them find their killer and there’s like 1 for each pizzaplex animatronic (excluding freddy and roxy bc they got gregory and cassie). and it could be super angsty bc 2 of the kids were inadvertently killed because of moon and one was killed by moon, and my s/i is super close with moon right? so it would be like a moral dilemma, bc they want to help the kids but they still want to be friends with moon, but they’re also horrified that he killed a kid. and my s/i would start dreaming and sleepwalking, forced by the ghost kids to relive their deaths to try and find who killed them. but then i started thinking about the timeline of that, and it would mean moon would’ve had the virus or whatever years before this story takes place, which isn’t what i wanted nor did it make sense. so after a while i was just like nahhhh, and it didn’t really mesh well with the story of security breach anyways, its more sci-fi than supernatural now, and including the ghost kids would just be too much crammed into self insert story i have. the kids designs im still gonna use tho lol

NOW after getting back into fnaf after like a few months of not really caring about the lore, i’ve been watching more theory videos and book summaries and stuff like that and it made me shift my whole view on security breach’s story

so i’ve decided that i wanna stick as close to canon lore as possible and make gregory and vanessa/vanny more present and important. i want to focus more on the issues with ai, and show the slow downfall and problems with depending solely on them. i also need to figure out why my self insert has plot armor bc anyone in their situation would’ve been fired or killed by now (i don’t have to stick that close to canon for this i guess). but im just gonna justify it as they’re a pushover who doesn’t ask any questions and just does what they’re told, which is pretty much what got the other employees fired or killed bc they did the opposite (they’re also a huge nerd about robots so they end up being good friends with all the animatronics which is a HUGE plot point in this story, friendship is the real magic love conquers all etc. etc.) don’t get me wrong, they are fully aware of how wrong things are in the pizzaplex and how some things vanessa has told them don’t add up, but they are a good little employee (they are a severe people pleaser) so they feign ignorance to it all.

my self insert being autistic and having adhd is also a big thing i wanna include, bc there’s some really specific shit about their autism that would affect how they survive and stuff. things like trauma responses, masking, unmasking, meltdowns, and shutdowns that will affect their relationships with the others and will domino affect over time and lead to them surviving. idk ive just been thinking a lot lately about social interactions and experiences i have that are negatively or positively impacted specifically because of my autism. choices choices

i also want to make sure that it’s clear how neglected all the animatronics are. not just the dca since it is intended to be a s/i x sun and moon story. but there’s a lot of issues the in game messages have talked about with the animatronics that seem to happen because no one is bothering to help them. they just put a bandaid on a situation but they don’t fix the root problem yknow. also, my s/i doesn’t think the animatronics are sentient at first, and i want that to be a big thing that gets explored several times throughout the story bc i love thinking about robot sentience.

at first i was gonna have monty sort of start to be nice to my s/i, and maybe they could be friends or even have a sibling type relationship (red hair lol) but then i was like nah, monty being an asshole is what makes his character interesting. plus his behavior is a nice contrast from the rest of the band. though i think it would be funny for some characters to think monty is my s/i’s favorite at first bc their hair is dyed red

i also want sun and moon to be as close to canon as possible. while i love love LOVE pretty much every dca x reader fic i ever read, i have a preference for canon depictions of sun and moon lol. no hate to fanon depictions of sun when i say this, but ive been lost in the sauce of fanon sun for too long, and i wanna make him passive aggressive, and sarcastic, and picky, and fussy!! but still an anxious wreck and a people pleaser perfectionist. i’ll admit im still struggling with this. it was kinda hard to get a gauge on his personality at first because until help wanted 2 we had only seen how he interacts with kids. and even though in universe that isn’t the real sun it’s the only indication we have of how he interacts with adults, so im taking it. moon is still gonna be mischievous, creepy as hell, and won’t talk much, but he’s not gonna be killin anyone (yet), he’s just gonna be kind of a stalker lol. also the dca and freddy have beef for some reason, it’s a personal head canon of mine but im adding it to this story hehe

lots of physical injuries, several concussions, a migraine so bad they loose the ability to communicate properly (smth i experience) will all happen to them, bc i am throwing them through the ringer. they will be stressed more often than not. get projected on idiot (i say that as if this isn’t my self insert and is literally me)

tbh this story would mostly be just a slice of life, shenanigan, character driven thing for most of it. but then little things brought up in the past will become important to the plot later on.

like how copyright music can’t be played in front of any of the animatronics or else they will freak out :]

that’s all lol

[storkmuffin]

For @vyrd

The things about James Flint/ McGraw (Black Sails) that read as 'my kind' of autistic to me, which matches up with books written about my kind of autism by autism experts, which made me fully identify with that character:

Fundamental social disconnect from other people leading to not pursuing having a family or having hobbies and believes himself to be incapable of being really loved

Is good at work though and intellect earns a lot of praise so focuses on those strengths

Solitude has become imprisoning but is too lacking in social skills or emotional self awareness to get out of it

Live by a very narrow set of rules, remaining independent and invulnerable is very important

When stressed out or becomes overwhelmed with sadness, finds it hard to speak

Entire life has been shaped by mistrust in himself and fear of his own desires

Social isolation as a way of rejecting other people before they can reject him.

Workaholism and devotion to a cause being a sign of autistic hyperfixation

Trouble reading social cues and hesitating initiating contact with other people unless it's a negative situation he can 'fix' and then he's all about that

Deeply and deliberatively analytical

Tends not to get habituated to familiar situations as readily as other people, so often thinks through a repeated situation as if it is completely new, even if it isn't

Repetitiveness is a really key feature of autistic behavior

Withdraws from other people, and there's a feedback look of social disempowerment and shame.

Rigid thinking and extends that rigidity to other people and then can't understand at all when they don't share that rigidity

A lot of Flint's most 'outrageous' behaviors looked like meltdown to me - crying, self harm, outward aggression.

Highly self educated, self starter, but is roundly rejected and disliked by peers. And of course everyone lives in a specific racial, sexual, and class context, so it's hard to tell if his social disconnect from his peers is actually neurodivergent rejection but it looks like class rejection. It could of course be both.

Hyperverbal autistics can have intense and bright personalities but can also seem icy and withdrawn depending on the situation.

Thinks constantly about how he's being perceived and rarely feels at home in any community.

Can think up and 'enact' a very enticing persona, that's immaculate in style, in an effort to have their personhood recognized but then is always misunderstood, and every day is a fight to communicate their real self

He seems to me my type of sensory seeker autistic - crave activity, motion, bright colors, thrills of roller coasters, the clear rules of order on any boat, clear rules of (violent) engagement among pirates and with the actual navies.

Can excel at mentally demanding jobs (like piracy, captaining a ship, maintaining a naval career) but makes diastrous social decisions.

can get so attached to seeing self as brilliant that leads to neglect of physical health in pursuit of goal.

constantly baffled when attempts at communicating clearly are seen as rude or hurtful.

despite being personally powerful, can engage in very fawning behavior - the more invested he is in an emotional connection, the less likely he is to criticize that person or vocalize when his boundaries are crossed, or express unhappiness with that behavior (basically all the shit that goes down with John Silver)

Really fantastic at anticipating what happens next because he spends tons of energy trying to script out what will be said and what he should do next.

When they act as behave naturally (such as in moments of great stress) come off as too much or a cold blooded creep

tendency to object personification - his relationship with his boats - autistics identify with items we love and feel a degree of empathy as if they are alive

when swept up in a special interest, feel extremely alive. work life balance and burnout don't happen to autistics in the way it does for neurotypicals. autistic people get exhausted from socializing a lot instead of woring a lot.

neurotypical people quickly and subconsciously identify peope as autistic and then immediately dislike them. autistics are slightly off - unnatural looking smile, not knowing how to end a conversation - and these behaviors can be seen as scary or unsettling.

tendency to speak in a tone that sounds dry or sarcastic women are often seen as cold or bitchy and men as condescending mansplainers

 tend to get into patterns of intense emotional dependency, combined with insecurity

 yearn to be accepted yet doubt they can be

when people try to connect with autistics, we sometimes rebuff them without realizing it

[lovepersevering13]

elaborate on tori springs autism

Ok I’m gonna start this by saying that the topic I’m most passionate about in the entire universe is Tori Spring (As well as Michael, Charlie and Oliver) being a very autistic coded character and so this post is a very long info dump about it because it consumes almost all of my waking thoughts.

Anyway, quick summary, I believe that Tori Spring has autism because of her social struggles, mannerisms and general outlook on life. Like how she always talks about not fitting in, she gets really obsessed with specific things (Star Wars and Solitaire) and she struggles to express her emotions, often leading up to an intense emotional outburst (Autistic meltdown).

Forewarning - I am obviously not a licensed psychiatrist (I’m literally just a mentally ill teenage girl) and so I don’t actually have the capability to diagnose anyone, I just have a lot of time to waste studying the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision) and analysing Tori Spring. Also, Autism is different for everyone and this is just one perspective of it based on research and the DSM-5 which obviously doesn’t cover every autistic persons experience. OH, Also, I tried really hard to focus on using ‘person-first’ language when I was writing it but I may have messed up a few times so let me know if I did! Also let me know if there is anything else incorrect here so I can fix it :)

Ok now that’s out of the way I will start with what we know is true: Tori Spring likely struggles with Depression. It’s a generally accepted fact amoungst the fandom due to Tori’s negative outlook on life and suicidal ideation (at the end of Solitiare). Now, why is this relevant? Well Autism and Depression are often comorbid diagnosis, people with Autism being 4 times more likely than Neurotypical’s to experience a diagnosis of Depression.

So she’s already got that going for her, let’s take a look at Solitaire and some excerpts from that which highlight different aspects of the Autism diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. This is based of what I annotated the first time I read Solitaire about a year ago there may be more that I missed.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

- “No- Tori just held a conversation by herself” - Becky Allen, Solitaire, Page 28

- “I think you’re breaking down.” I cough loudly. “I’m not a car.” Solitaire, page 311.

In this quote Tori is taking things wayyy too literally which is common amoungst many people with Autism due to the way they process information.

- “I think… it’s unlikely that anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump I doesn’t of a train for anyone else. That’s very counterproductive.” Solitaire, Page 45

Again the literal thinking (I also have this exact thought every time I hear this song).

- “I drift away and picture myself….” Solitaire, Page 33

Ok so I didn’t want to include this entire quote because it’s really long but essentially she’s thinking about what it would be like to be, for lack of better word, neurotypical. To be confident in social interactions and always say the right thing, say things that people are interested in and to not be awkward or shy.

- “I quite like cats, and I saw it for the first time at lunch in the cafeteria. I almost felt like I’d made a new friend,” Solitaire, Page 68

Often people with Autism prefer interaction with animals, this is theorised to be because social interaction with animals can compensate for a lack of social interaction with peers. Oh also a lot of people say that cats are kinda autistic coded animals because of their similar mannerisms to people with autism.

- “Emotions are humanities fatal disease.” Solitaire, Page 346

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

- “I think it’s important to make the effort. Social conventions and all,” Solitaire, page 43

- “I need to control my staring” Solitaire, page 45

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

- “Then again, I don’t feel very similar to anyone at all” Solitaire, Page 20

Many people who have Autism (Especially Women) often report that they don’t “fit in” with their peers, there are a variety of reasons for this but it is often related to masking and just generally struggling to socialise the same way their Neurotypical peers do.

- “There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.” - Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 61

This quote from Michael is one of my favourites in Solitaire and I feel heavily related to the autistic experience. It pretty much perfectly describes the experience of autistic masking.

- “I thought it’d be nice to try and rekindle this friendship. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Solitaire, Page 99

- “I’m no expert on social etiquette.” Solitaire, Page 140

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

- “I kick the floor and spin. The world hurricanes around me. I don’t know how long I do this,” Solitaire, Page 84

This quote is just Tori stimming, she stims quite a bit in the book but this was just one example I picked.

- “I watch that scene three times and then turn it off,” Solitaire, Page 102

- “Playing ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay over and over on repeat” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

These are another two examples of stimming that I wanted to include because it shows different forms of stimming (repeatedly watching or listening to something) that aren’t talked about as much.

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

- “It’s not a very funny programs but I still seem to watch at least on episode every single day.” Solitaire, Page 100

While this could just be because it’s on tv I figured if she really didn’t enjoy the show she could definitely watch something else. This is probably an example of “preservation” which is a coping mechanism that helps people with autism to find comfort in predictability and routine.

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

- “The matter of the fact is that Star Wars was actually a major obsession of mine when I was a kid” Solitaire, Page 24

Apparently most children don’t have extreme, obsessions that consume all of their waking thoughts (I cannot attest to this, I’ve been hyper fixating on random stuff since I was like 2). Anyway, hyper fixation is a sign of Autism which is often overlooked in girls because it’s usually something related to pop culture and is ignored as just being “fangirling”.

- “I have already stuck all of Solitaires previous posts. My wall is completely covered.” Solitaire, Page 297

This is only one example but if you’ve read solitaire you’ll know that Tori gets very obsessed with solitaire and especially toward the end of the book I’d argue that it does start to become quite a hyper fixation.

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

- “I started to feel all this hair on my forehead and my cheeks and how it plastered my shoulders and back and I felt it creeping around me like worms, choking me to death.” Solitaire, Page 15

So this is an example of sensory overload, while this can affect anyone, it is very common in people with Autism as they often have a hyper awareness of sensory stimuli, causing it to become very overwhelming. So this can happen with things like sound as well and I didn’t put it in here but there is another quote when she’s at Becky’s party talking about how loud it is.

- “At some point I fall asleep but I can here all these creaky noises coming from outside” Solitaire, page 65

So this quote isn’t exactly that special but it’s the way she brings it up every time she sleeps, like she’s so hyper aware of the sounds outside that it begins to prevent her from sleeping.

Here are some other miscellaneous quotes that I wanted to throw in because I think they are relevant:

- “Who would I be,” I ask at one point, “if I were any of the Big Bang theory characters?”

“Sheldon,” - Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 100

This quote is nothing really I just thought it was interesting that Charlie related Tori to Sheldon as he’s generally seen as another autistic coded character (No matter how problematic that may be, I haven’t actually seen the show I just know a lot of people with Autism think it’s poor representation)

- “I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that and I don’t understand yet.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

- “I’ve got to do something,” I keep saying,” Solitaire, Page 272

Ok so throughout Solitaire (and ‘This Winter’ and the ‘Heartstopper’ graphic novels) Tori displays a very high sense of empathy. Main examples of this are with her brother Charlie and in that scene where Ben Hope gets beat up at the Solitaire meet up. Stereotypically people with autism have a low sense of empathy but actually it’s a spectrum and many people with autism (more often girls) experience a heightened sense of empathy.

- “Before boys, before sex, before alcohol, before she started to move on while I stayed exactly where I was.” Solitaire, Page 353

In girls signs of Autism generally begin to manifest more during their tween/teenage years. Girls who appeared to be progressing at a similar rate to their peers may begin to fall behind due to the increased social and academic pressure. This quote could however be more related to Tori being asexual, which we will get into now.

Asexuality and Autism

As confirmed in volume 5 of Heartstopper, Tori Spring is asexual. People with Autism are 2-3 times more likely to identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially, the aroace community. The studies I looked at said around 30% of people with Autism also identified as aro/ace, this is also more common in women with Autism than men.

Autistic Meltdowns

So in addition to those direct quotes a repeated occurrence throughout Solitaire is Tori’s emotions bubbling up and eventually bursting out… and what could these outburst actually be? Autistic Meltdown.

The main examples that come to mind for Tori are the fight with Michael, that scene where Charlie asks if she’s ok and she starts crying and the scene where she’s talking to Lucas about Charlie at the concert.

Safe Foods

Ok Tori’s obsession with diet lemonade is kind of iconic. People with Autism often tend to have ‘safe foods’ that don’t trigger sensory issues, usually these are specific things with consistent, safe, tastes. For Tori, this is diet lemonade. Another thing to point out about this is the fact that she always uses straws which is possibly either a sensory thing or a routine :)

Ok, that’s about it… I don’t believe anyone would actually read all that but if you did… damn, thanks :))

Some of the resources I used:

https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sexuality/asexuality-and-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/autism-and-sexual-diversity?format=amp

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/08/the-bond-between-animals-and-the-autistic/623372/

https://socialcaretalk.org/experiences/life-autism-spectrum/autism-feeling-different-wanting-to-fit-in/

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

https://jackiesilvernutrition.com/articles/autism-safe-food/

[randomfoggytiger]

ok I was gonna ask about your charlie scully one (still am I guess lol) but I must know your thoughts on the autism question, a while back there was a fandom-wide twitter spat over whether or not mulder and scully were autistic, and I was leaning against it but that was before I figured that out about myself, and most of my moots are in favor of it, and idk really what to think lol so your insight would be much appreciated🙏🏻 (also if I wasn’t so goddamn busy I would do all of that research for you lmao)

You should do it!! Even if one day my project comes to fruition!

My leanings on the autism question: no. But I'd have to prove or disprove my own theory if I wrote up that post; and in order to do that, I'd have to have a clearer understanding of the diagnosis, its symptoms (and symptoms that are commonly misdiagnosed), and its identifiable characteristics.

The "problem" is: the new understanding of autism and other disorders are now framed on a spectrum. In order for me to break down the topic, I'd have to ingest lots and lots of autism content from clinically licensed professionals and hear what they look for, broadly, when forming a diagnosis; then, I'd have to search up what the fandom perceives Mulder and Scully's autistic traits to be; then, I'd have to compare and contrast the strength of each claim; then I'd have to balance the whole. Currently, I'm ingesting new autistic creators that are breaking down barriers of what autism is perceived to be (and that's been helpful); and I have a few other licensed professionals I'd need to catch up on (one who even has the diagnosis herself.) In short: tons of layman research.

More importantly: who would be interested in my post, realistically? I don't have doctorate (or training), for one. Second, it's a rather popular thought that Mulder or Scully have some sort of diagnosis (besides trauma-- canon agrees with that one.) The rule dictates everyone has a right to their own opinion; and since that's the case, where would my post fit in?

Realistically, the 90s FBI wouldn't have recruited Scully out of medical school if they suspected she had autism. Mulder perhaps, but only because of Bill Mulder's (or CSM's) connection. There's a program just instituted (2021) by the Feds that is working on recruiting people with autism into their pilot program. And according to studies I've learned about from autism creators (that they've gleaned from the professionals), a neurotypical brain automatically senses something "off" or "different" about a neurodivergent brain, which can lead to ostracization (or bullying in children... and adults.) 90s Scully would have had to learn to mask her autism so well that not only was she never diagnosed but she attracted the attention of the FBI recruitment office-- not a small feat for a woman in the 90s-- and was able to keep it through their very strict recruitment circuit. (Fyi, the man who inspired "Catch Me if You Can" tried to get in with a law degree and was still turned down.)

Also, Mulder and Scully face back-to-back stimulating environments; and go right back to work without time to decompress (which is a feat nearly unachievable.) I'm not an expert-- far from it-- but the common denominator I'm finding from professionals and diagnosed individuals is that overstimulation is a key factor in autism. To varying degrees, yes, but still. Overwhelm and meltdowns are parts of the diagnosis that have to be factored in. Anecdotally, I've read one person who states she becomes better in high-stress situations than her peers because of her hyperfocus; but she seems to be an outlier (I presume.) I'd need to do more research on differing degrees of overwhelm and meltdowns (not everyone manifests overwhelm or a meltdown in the same way, of course); but since the field is still swamped with more information regarding "stereotypical" autism (a.k.a. boys who show the most extreme signs), it would take me a bit to narrow things down even more.

Lastly, we can all probably agree CC didn't write Mulder and Scully with an autism diagnosis. He definitely gave Mulder PTSD in the Pilot; and Scully's trauma from her abduction was written in later. The personal theories branch off from there; and, again, in order to finalize a perspective one way or another, a licensed professional would probably have to watch the show (or more than one season) and make a conclusion; otherwise, my "research" could be written off as another form of headcanon. And since professionals are professional, they'd probably abstain from forming an opinion either way.

Thus, the scales have been put before you: time requirements and lukewarm reception weigh against it; putting my ideas out there for me and the mutuals to puzzle over weigh for it.

[ravenshavenn]

Just wanted to say congrats on the followers, and I head canon Severus as autistic too. Sometimes I bring it out more in some stories than in others, but I do think it works and he was based off of a man who was on the autism spectrum too. Also, I'm autistic so let him be autistic. So, a question for you. How do you think Severus deals with having an autistic meltdown? Does he find a private place to let it all go? Does he just ward it off and keep it in with Occlumency? Something else?

Oh, and I thought of another canon thing that could support his autism. Autistic people often have trouble sleeping, and we see him prowling the corridors at night sometimes. Maybe his sleeping issues are related to his autism. Man hasn't heard of melatonin, or it just doesn't work for him. (It didn't for me).

Of course, sleeping problems could also be from PTSD/hyper vigilance which I also see him as having. Also, what is a secret stim that he does in private? And last question, sorry, but do you head canon Snape as smoking? It's a popular head canon and I'm asking because, if you do think he smokes, do you think smoking could count as a stim? :D

Snape and autism

Hi! Thank you so much for your comment its nice to meet someone else who's autistic and in the fandom! We're not alone lol :D and I've tried my best to add to the headcanons bellow, I hope you enjoy! :)

meltdowns - I think he'd unfortunately be a bit ashamed of them choosing to use his occlumency to mask until he could reach a quiet, dark corner somewhere that he could sooth himself but if he was unable to leave a situation for example becoming overstimulated during a meeting he would become noticeably agitated, snapping at anyone who dared to try and talk to him and leaving as soon as he possibly could hurrying away to let his guard down somewhere private

sleep - I agree I could definitely see his autism effecting his sleep patterns the dark circles under his eyes are DEEP I can imagine him trying to brew something for himself to help but giving up after it doesn't work and instead he just wanders the castle enjoying the dark and the silence. Although I can also see his brewing and dark magic research keeping him awake with the need to spend time on his special interests distracting him until morning and he realizes he has no time to rest, accidently pulling an all nighter several times a week just to have time to focus on his various hyperfixations or projects that he has on the go

However, I also agree that he definitely has other issues going on he could definitely have PTSD or depression (or both) meaning that he struggles to sleep and stays awake trying to keep himself calm and away from the negative thoughts swirling around in his head

smoking - I have thought about Severus smoking because I've seen lots of amazing fanart of it and it does pop up in fanfiction every now and again but I'm honestly not sure if I think he would or not

Personally, due to my own sensory issues I'm not a fan of smoking so if I was to selfishly headcanon him I'd have to say that he wouldn't and that possibly living in the time that he did it was popular and so Tobias smoked heavily leading to Severus hating it

Although, with his various mental health issues and it still being the social norm at the time I can definitely imagine him smoking and I can certainly see it being a stim, even though I don't smoke personally I know several others with autism who find the experience comforting and it can also help with anxiety as well therefore, easing Severus's nerves during his days as a spy

stims - Severus definitely tries to keep his stimming in public to a minimum by only rubbing his hands together but in private he feels more comfortable to express himself, I can imagine him grumbling to himself for comfort and making little sounds as he brews, bouncing on his toes when he walks about and tapping on nearby surfaces, also potentially biting his nails? Although he definitely doesn't acknowledge any of this as stimming and puts it down to his "nerves" while being a spy and believes he's just "fidgeting" as that's what he was told in his childhood repeatedly whenever someone saw him stimming