#this book just got its happy perfect epilogue

[idsb]

It is so fucking WILD listening to Lover while traversing across Melbourne,,,,, thought I’d never walk my Cornelia Street again cried and cried and cried because leaving felt like death by a thousand cuts and here I am, walking it, alive, London Boy fresh in the DMs in a happy friendly way. Couldn’t listen to this album for like 2 years because of it. And I love it and I eventually found the way to and I’m listening and I’m smiling because the memories make me happy instead of sad and yearning and I’m just! I’m just here! After all this time in the place I never thought I’d be listening to the album I never thought I could play

[creedslove]

WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART THREE

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: you and Joel try to handle what happens after you both slept together and a revelation brings the truth about the nature of your relationship with Joel

• This is the third part of the small series: Who Knew? 💍💔 (PART ONE | PART TWO) which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), smut, oral sex (f! receiving/m!receiving) piv, dirty talking, discussions of relationships

A/N: alright besties, I really don't know where this chapter came from, I had sworn I wouldn't write continuations of this story, but here I am, with a serious case of Joel Miller brain rot and all I could think of was him! I love this story with all my heart and I don't know if this chapter is consistent or not, as it was written through several days and I poured my feelings into it, but days change and so do feelings so hehehe, also, I may or may not have been a little too horny for Joel xD, anyway, I hope you beautiful besties like the story ❤️

12.3k words

Waking up by Joel's side was something you could've sworn it would never happen, it would only become a distant memory as the years advanced after the divorce; you thought maybe you would think about it every so often, when nostalgia got the best of you, if you felt lonely at times or maybe even the moments you would spend next to your ideal future husband, a man worthy of you and your love, someone who would actually treat you exactly how you deserved it, who wouldn't run away with the first willing whore he could find and build a life with her, the life that used to be yours, and was supposed to. No, that ideal husband would never steal from you, not your happiness, your beauty or your youth, as much as you closed your eyes and tried picturing this ideal, ethereal man, you were haunted by your ex-husband. It was his smile that came to your mind when you thought of this bittersweet fantasy; his hands that gripped your body, it was him. You realized your deepest wish was to have Joel as that husband; in an alternative universe where he wasn't a jerk, instead, he would be the perfect, sweet and hard-working husband, just like he used to in the beginning, and you both would love and support each other, building up a life, a family and a home together. That was how things were supposed to go, but everyone knew the end of that story.

What nobody except you and Joel knew, was the plot-twisted epilogue of your story with Joel. Very often, you thought of your relationship as a closed book, a shitty, depressing romance novel that had its indignant ending written and done, with no space to fix things up… until your return to Austin and things simply started to happen. You refused to believe it was a new chapter or a new beginning, quite the opposite, as much as your rational said had begged and screamed not to do it, not to get close to Joel and you simply went there and did it, now it begged you to put an end to it, your mind told you the night you'd spent together was just scratching that maddening itch and nothing more. It would be easy to pretend nothing had happened: Tommy had left shortly after the cops arrived at your place and headed to his girlfriend's, according to Joel. Sarah was absolutely clueless and had no idea what was going on, especially after both you and her dad had put an end to her efforts of setting you both up. All you had to do was to convince Joel of the same: it was a mistake, it shouldn't happen again.

But then, at the same time, why was it so good to wake up next to him? In fact, next to him was an understatement, as you were all over him. Safely tucked into his arms during the night, you had switched positions several times like you often did when you slept, but Joel always kept you at arms length, refusing to let go of you no matter what. It shouldn't feel this good, but it did, and even when morning came and it was time to get up, you pretended you didn't really have to. It was your secret, no one would know nor judge you if you stayed a little longer in his bed, what was the worst that could happen, after all? So the moment you felt Joel stirring right behind you, your eyes closed shut and you relaxed your body as best as you could so he would think you were asleep. It was quite stupid, you were aware, but suddenly you felt shy to be awake in his presence?! It was odd, but you didn't know how to act exactly… were you supposed to kiss? Act as a continuation of the night before or straight up pretend nothing happened? Should you begin ‘the talk' with Joel?! You didn't even know what you were going to say, so instead, pretending to be dead, well actually, asleep, was definitely a better plan. Joel hadn't changed in all those years, you recognized and anticipated every single move he would make; it started by his soft groans the moment he fully woke up, the hesitation he probably felt the moment he eyed you there and quickly the memories of the night before filled him entirely. His morning erection was hard pressed against your ass and that was another difficult part of the equation taking place in your mind at that moment; all it would take you was wiggling your ass a little and you both could start your day in a very fun way. It was tempting, and while you baffled yourself whether to do it or not, you felt Joel again. The way he gently placed his hand on your arm, caressing it up and down, almost in a ghostly touch, a bit afraid of scaring you away; to Joel, you were like a beautiful, delicate butterfly flying into his life, making things prettier for him, but also so easily scared off. He couldn't afford to have you fly away from him once more, not that time. His hand went to your naked stomach, stroking it softly, he enjoyed the butter-like feel of your skin under his hand. After all the cuts, bruises and dirt from hard work, it was a nice change to be able to touch you. He'd had his fair share of touching beautiful women, but none of them would ever compare to you. You were naked under his touch, entirely for himself, a dream that came true at that moment and yet it seemed way too good to be real. Hands that stroked your body leaving a trail of goosebumps over your sensitive skin, as he nuzzled your shoulder, taking some strands of hair away from your neck, he let his stubble beard scratch it softly, lips connecting to your skin, in gentle and silent pecks, ones that made you bite your lips not to moan too loud, even if the goosebumps insisted on appearing, hardening your nipples and sending a wave of lust down your core. Joel had his good ear to the mattress, not hearing if you were letting out small, sexy sounds but he could see the visible signs of his caress on you. He wanted more of it, he woke up with hunger, more like starvation and it was for you, your body, your touch, your presence. He wanted you, and he would have you, not only that morning, but forever, by his side.

“I know you're awake” Joel mumbled against your skin, you could feel his teeth nibbling you, making you squeal softly and moan at his touch, you turned around facing him and raised your eyebrow, heart melting at how adorable Joel's messy bed hair was, even if it was a little grayer now, it still made him look so handsome, you couldn't hold yourself back but caress his curls gently.

“How did you know I was awake?” You questioned him and felt his teeth scraping your collarbone instead of actually answering your question. It didn't take very long for Joel to straddle you, pinning you against the mattress as he took in all of you. You were beautiful, gorgeous, you were his. At least that was what he wanted to tell himself, but it didn't matter the future, not then, because at that very moment you belonged to him and only him. You lay under Joel, your breathing accelerating as you didn't know exactly what to do or what to expect, crashing your lips together, you tugged at his hair - you loved Joel's hair so much - and felt his rough hands running even more freely through your body. One knee on each side of you, preventing you from moving as he stared down at you, your body being the most beautiful piece of art he'd ever laid eyes on. Joel Miller was a man sinking deep further into his passions and he couldn't even hide it or pretend it otherwise. His mouth went for your neck, then down your collarbone, your breasts, so beautiful and tempting as they'd always been, time he'd been so kind to you, and now he appreciated it. He kissed your breasts gently at first, getting to your nipples, they were always so hard and sensitive and it was all for him. Lips wrapping around them, his tongue flicking then gently as you tugged even harder and pulled his curls gently. The way Joel made you feel was always something else, it was so stupid to try to fight that, at least while you were pinned down by his strong, sexy body. When he finally let go of your breasts, he kept moving his tortuous path south down you. His lips were dancing over your stomach, he loved that part of you and had lost track of how many times he'd daydreamed about your figure looking round while you carried his baby Miller inside. He enjoyed picturing it, another life coming out of you, a baby that would be half you and half him, that would bring Sarah the title of ‘big sister’ and seal the happy ending of your story in which you would become Mrs.Miller once more, for real and above all for the rest of your lives. Deep down he knew that wouldn't go further than a simple fantasy, something to lose himself in before falling asleep before bed every night, and yet, it always brought him such joy, comfort and affection within his body, and at that moment, when he was kissing your womb, his hands holding you legs spread as he took his time in kissing and nibbling your lower stomach, he closed his eyes and made that irrational wish, practically, that wouldn't do, not in real life, not with your history weighing heavily on the two of you, nor with your life styles that were so different from each other's. He worked too much, Sarah was already growing into a teenager, you were inexperienced at that matter at the same time he was getting older and was certain that having to watch a baby and later on a toddler would absolutely kill his back. But if it was so impractical, it should be so sweet at the same time. It would be a lot easier for him to keep those stupid thoughts out of his mind. When Joel got closer to your core, you wanted to tell him to stop, to remind him that you didn't use protection at all and you'd been missing up the pills, warn him there was maybe some probability of you both making that situation even more of a mess than it already was, but the words died out in your mouth, the moment Joel's eyes matched yours, the pool of brown warmth making your heart skip a beat at the same time he parted your legs, giving your inner thighs each a love bite, and your breathing accelerating once more in the anticipation of what was about to happen.

“Relax, baby girl” he purred against your skin, he was so close to your core you could feel his breath fanning your sensitive area, his hands gripping the outside of your legs in a way it was clear he was claiming his power over you. You were about to be devoured by a hungry man and at that, your heart raced like no other, just as Joel reached you.

His lips ghosted over your slit, loving how shaky and sensitive you were at that moment, head shoved between your legs he took his hands into action, using them to spread your lips wide and groaned in approval of how sexy that view was. Ever since you married Joel, being intimate with your husband was something normal and natural, expected even, and whereas you weren't a prude by any means, the way Joel touched you or how filthy that mouth could be always made you go red from head to toes, especially when he simply stopped at stared at your body like that.

“Fuck baby, you still got the same pretty pussy I remember, it's the best one I've ever seen, you taste so fucking good, this sweet clit of yours had always made my mouth water” he teased as you could barely hear his voice through the adrenaline making all that blood pumped so loud into your ear. He spread your pussy lips open, his cock was already twitching to see your cunt twitching for him. The way your clit twitched in anticipation and your hole clenched at the air, how your wetness simply pooled in your entrance and it was all for Joel, because of Joel and he wasn't going to waste another minute before having you. You closed your eyes the moment he kissed your clit, kissing it as he would with your lips, all you could do was whimper and once more grip your hands into his hair pulling his head against your pussy, wanting more and more. At your touch, Joel stopped playing around, he simply sank his face into you, devouring you, licking, suckling and flicking your sensitive clit, lapping at your juices so hungrily, like a madman having his favorite meal. Joel's hands were large and his fingers were thick, so the moment he inserted two digits inside, you were already filled with him, the way he ate your pussy and fingered you, the knot forming down your lower belly, you barely had time to warn him, but it wasn't necessary, Joel knew your body well enough to know you were cumming, getting so nice and ready for him he continued, until you exploded into an intense and long orgasm, in which he tried to make it last for you as much as he could.

After your bliss, it didn't take very long for him to slip inside, now that you were all wet and stretched for him, you wrapped your legs around his waist and closed your eyes in pleasure. Your nails scratching down his broad back, his skin warm and sweaty on top of you. You wanted more of him, at that moment that was you favorite place in the world, primal, obscene, his grunts into your ear as he fucked you like he would any whore. At that moment you couldn't hold back your desires, your lustful thoughts took the best of you. If Joel asked you to be his personal cum dumpster, you would say yes. And at that realization, he came inside, once more, just like he did the night before and you loved it.

Suddenly the exhaustion took over you, your body and your thoughts and it seemed like an impossible task to keep your eyes open.

“Sleep, baby girl, relax” Joel whispered against your ear once more, pulling you closer, the two of you appreciating the lovely bliss you shared after your orgasms. It felt right, even if it shouldn't.

•••

When Joel woke up that morning for the second time with you tangled in his arms, he smiled at himself, wondering how lucky a motherfucker like himself could actually be. The past hours replayed in his mind, over and over, and he still didn't believe they were true, simply because they were too good to be true in the first place, still the reminders of how true it all had been were there: the pink fading lines you left all over his skin were still apparent, your clothes scattered around the bedroom floor, the way your hair invaded his pillow and now you smell lingered all over his bedsheets. It was real, and he couldn't be happier. Watching as you exhaustively slept, he dragged himself out of bed, not really wanting to leave but knowing he needed to start his day somehow. So he just planted a soft kiss on your forehead and headed to shower before going downstairs, as he needed to get breakfast ready for his girl.

You on the other hand, slept without even noticing you, being so exhausted after another steamy session with Joel; when you woke up nearly an hour later, you felt his side of the bed empty and for a split second you sighed disappointed at the impression it'd been just a dream, which only lasted until you could feel that bittersweet soreness between your legs, the mess Joel's room was in and how sticky you were with sweat and some of your juices mixed up together. You bit your lips and giggled, you thought you'd wake up full of regret, feeling guilty and upset about what happened, but turns out you felt great, perhaps, all you needed to decrease that upsetting feeling of melancholy you often grew inside was a good fuck provided by the best man you'd ever tried.

You yawned big and stretched, getting up and feeling that familiar sting between your legs, a reminder of Joel's virility and size. As you weren't sure what to do or where Joel could be, or even worse: if Sarah was home at all, you decided to be as silent as possible, your wish was just getting dressed and going downstairs, but the moment you saw your reflection in the mirror you knew you had to shower. It didn't take too long to find Joel's bathroom, you got yourself under the shower stream, groaning at how your muscles relaxed under it, the way the knots on your hair seemed to undo themselves. You chuckled while soaping your body in Joel's soap, shampooing your hair with his shampoo, smelling entirely like him, as if he'd marked you like an animal would. Perhaps you shouldn't enjoy this obscene thought as much as you did, but at that point that ship had sailed and you couldn't care less about it. Stepping outside the shower, you dried yourself and went through Joel's drawers just enough to find something comfortable to wear - one of his boxers and an old shirt.

“Joel?!” You called him at the top of the stairs, hoping you two were still alone there, as you really didn't want to risk being seen in those - lack of - clothes by Tommy or god forbid, Sarah.

“In here” Joel replied, his voice coming from the kitchen and as soon as you got downstairs you were hit by the delicious smell of coffee, and just as your stomach growled in hunger you realized you couldn't even remember your last meal.

You followed the delicious smell and smiled when you saw him flipping a bunch of pancakes, frowning softly at the image, it was so odd to see Joel being so domestic, cooking breakfast when in reality, you were the one who usually got to do all the cooking and chores, not to mention the choice of menu for the breakfast.

“You don't like pancakes!” you said surprised as you approached the stove to confirm if you weren't seeing things, being surprised by the way Joel wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer, greeting you with a peck on the lips, which you didn't expect but you couldn't complain either.

“I don't, but you do, and you deserve it, baby girl” he stroked your sides as he kept flipping pancakes with his free hand like a damn pro. You could only imagine how many times he had to step in and make his daughter pancakes until he got that skilled at that. You looked at him and as if he'd read your mind, he pecked your forehead this time

“Sarah is at her friend's which means she's only coming in the afternoon, you can hang out, maybe we can grab lunch together and then I'll drive you home, fix your door and all..” he said and stared lovingly at you “if you wanna go, otherwise you can stay here” he winked and made you chuckle.

“Joel, about us, about what happened-”

“Don't do that now, darling, let's not upset ourselves, let's have breakfast together and we can talk about it later”

You could tell Joel was postponing the subject, it was simply inevitable to talk about your future together or lack of it, due to your history, what happened between the two of you should be addressed, and even if you had been as willing as he was, it was a fact you weren't so easy to convince that perhaps being together was a good idea. However, he was also right: you could discuss things later, because at that moment you just wanted to have breakfast with Joel; damage had already been done, so what if you two continued to act the way you were? If anything, if you two parted ways, you would simply still have a nice time to cherish, to balance the ups and downs of your relationship together.

You two walked to the table, Joel placed the pancakes down and got comfortable on the chair, taken by surprise as you simply sat on his lap, instead of taking the seat next to him. You looked at him with a grin and stole a peck from his lips

“What?! You said we should have breakfast first” you giggled and started eating, at the same time his arm wrapped around your frame and he pulled you even closer. You couldn't really complain about that breakfast, it was the best you've ever had in so long, and it had nothing to do with pancakes.

•••

During daylight it was possible to see the damage the thieves left in your home; not only did they steal valuable things, but they also left a trail of mess and dirt through the floors, making you feel so angry at the shit hole they'd left your house. As soon as you got off Joel's truck, you could see cleaning, fixing and buying things again would take a long time, and even if you had the best contractor around town next to you, you still had to do chores. He placed his hands on his waist, furrowing his brows while he scanned the room, thinking of what he should do. You quickly changed into more comfortable clothes, grabbing a mop and a bucket and began cleaning up everything you had to, you reminded Joel he could make himself at home and grab drinks or snacks, since it was the least you could do after he'd been so kind to help you - and fuck you raw morning and night.

Once you'd finished your chores and showered quickly to get rid of the sweat, you went downstairs, looking for Joel. He had fixed a few things here and there, things you hadn't even noticed, but the moment you walked down the stairs, he was fixing your door.

And you were not prepared for that sight, at all.

Not with how Joel's shirt was clinging tight to his body, damp with sweat, the way his jeans looked so good around his thighs and his butt, or how he flexed his biceps unconsciously while he forced the warped wood forwards, the soft grunt he let out and how his huge hand wiped the forehead off his forehead was enough to set your core on fire. You stood there, at the bottom of the stairs, gripping the handrail and wondering when you'd become that thirsty for a man. Even when you had relationships after your divorce, you couldn't remember being that easily turned on, but at that moment, a mere display of Joel's roughness was enough to pool your wetness on your panties. He was just so mainly, so strong, something primal and intense about that man's body, he was different from any man you'd met, and the years only added to it, you were so tired of fighting your urges and feelings. Yes, Joel had been the worst husband a woman could've asked for, but just because you wanted to crazily ride on his cock, it didn't mean you would have to marry him again, definitely not. Joel wasn't a good husband, but he was a damn fine lover.

“I didn't see you there” you jumped at Joel's voice, distracted by it as he snapped you out of your lustful thoughts, nodding at him and smiling nervously. He cleared his throat “I'm guessing you want to talk, don't you?” There was a slight hint of disappointment in his voice and you thought for a while

“Yeah, we need to talk, just… take a seat, I'll get you some water” you pointed at your couch and disappeared into the kitchen, finding Joel standing still when you returned with a fresh bottle of water for him. He hadn't moved, something inside of him telling him not to, some kind of superstition, that maybe if he sat down he would go back to the poor reality of his life, a life without you, your touch, your caress. As long as he stood up, he could always find something to do around your home and then spend a little longer by your side. He took the bottle with a nod in gratitude and took a big sip of it, at the same time it seemed you were watching an erotic movie just by the way your body reacted to the image of his neck, the way his veins pumped as he swallowed his water, showing his thirst, and to think just a few hours before he was eating your pussy with the same ferocity, made you press your thighs together. You needed that man, and you were going to have him, no matter what. To hell with needing to have a serious chat, to move on with your life and not forgetting the past, you needed him carnally. Joel finished his water and finally walked to your couch, taking a seat and spreading his legs, just like he often did to find a comfortable position. You hated when men did that, taking up space and being rude, but not Joel, the way he did it was hot, it reminded you of how big he was, his long legs, big, strong thighs, so perfect to ride, and his frowny face, you could tell he was worried, probably thinking you would just thank him for the help, tell him what happened between the two of you couldn't happen again and ask him to leave. Hiding the heartbreak under his mean face, little did he know that conversation would have to be postponed, because your mouth was about to be too busy to talk.

“You want to talk, right?” He asked, nervously running his hands through his jeans, watching as you took another step closer and nodded.

“Yeah, but we can't talk right now… I'd rather use my mouth for something else” you winked at him, falling onto his knees and began caressing his thighs over his rough jean, smirking at his surprised face, hands fiddling his pants as you opened his fly and bit your lips

“I need your cock now, Joel, I need you in my mouth”

He was taken aback by your sudden change of behavior, he'd sat down expecting to be told to leave, but now he had you on your knees begging for his cock and that was something he couldn't deny. His left hand gripped your hair, tilting your head up a little, while his right hand stroked your cheek gently, his thumb ghosted over your lips, tracing an invisible path on it as he nodded. Suddenly, roles were reversed: he wasn't waiting for you to stop and decide what he should do, instead, he was in charge and he was about to make you choke on his cock.

“So pretty, baby girl…” Joel's voice wasn't much more than a whisper “you want my cock, don't you? Just like a filthy little slut, you wanna choke on it? Want my cum down your pretty throat?”

All you could was nod at his filthy words, Joel's mouth could drive any woman inside without any physical touch, just his dirty choice of words was enough to cause a turmoil of feelings and increase the pool in your panties. He lifted his hips and pulled his pants down, freeing his cock, already hard and held it by the base, while you licked your lips. You could see his tip glistening and closing your eyes as Joel rubbed his tip against your lips, before you opened it and took his cock into your mouth. Joel threw his head back and groaned in pleasure, he could feel his balls quivering while both hands flew to your hair, gripping it as you bobbed your head up and down his shaft, your hand squeezing and stroking his cock up and down where you couldn't reach his length. You'd always loved Joel's groans, the way he sounded so voracious, you clenched your thighs together, trying to give your throbbing clit some sort of relief. He guided you through his blowjob, he hadn't gotten a good one like that in years; of course he'd had his affairs, nightstands and such, but no mouth in the world compared to yours at all. He praised you, reminded you were his favorite cock slut and he wouldn't have any other than you.

You could feel by the way he clenched in your mouth his release was close, he was about to unload and you wanted to swallow all of him. So you continued, even when Joel tried to lift your head gently and warn you, you didn't need any warnings, you simply continued blowing him until he was cumming into your mouth. He reached his orgasm with another grunt, at the same time you worked your magic and swallowed every single drop of him. The way his cock pulsed inside of your mouth, how his breathing got rapid, his chest raising up and down at a fast pace, it was the sexiest thing you'd ever seen. Joel Miller was a strong, manly man, and you loved it.

He finally rested his eyes on you, his hell and heaven on earth, and he just needed more of you, convinced that whatever he had of you just wasn't enough. He helped you up, then pulled you to his lap, making you squeak in surprise as you landed right on top of him. You rested your forehead against his, while he pressed your body closer, never wanting to let go. He pulled you for a kiss, your lips tasting like him, sent Joel another wave of lust and need; he kissed your neck, his hands fiddling with your clothes, getting rid of them as he wanted you bare for him, your body on his, naked; he wanted to take you inside your house, not just some dirty, rushed secret locked in his room, but instead, claim you in any room of your home, if you ever wanted to break with him and decide he shouldn't be part of your life any longer, then at least he would leave his mark knowing each time you walked into any room, you would think of him, reminded of the time Joel fucked you and emptied himself inside of your tight juicy cunt.

“Come on, darling, ride my cock” his rough voice commanded you at the exact time Joel's hand pulled your shorts and your panties down. He went for your ass, massaging it, squeezing your cheeks and slapping it a couple of times, seeing it wiggle softly

“You're so fucking hot, you know that, sugar? Only you can make my cock throb the way you do” he praised you. His fingers traveled to your cunt, caressing it for the second time that day, making you spread your legs as wide as you could over him. He stroked your clit, feeling your arousal pooled in your entrance, it was intoxicating to him, he needed you every single day for the rest of his life. He gripped your hips, helping you lift yourself up and as held his cock in place and sank down onto it.

“Just like that, gorgeous, take that cock baby girl” he praised you.

You spent the rest of your afternoon riding Joel on your couch, not giving a single shit if any of the neighbors could see it through the curtains or the mere fact Joel had given you the worst heartbreak of your life; you needed him as much as he needed you, and it seemed neither of you could let go.

•••

The following days went by exactly the same way they usually did: you either worked from home or you went to the office a few times a week, you went grocery shopping, led a quiet, normal life, received Sarah's visits almost daily with the exception you were also seeing her dad without her having any idea. In fact, no one apart from you and Joel knew what was going on, and neither of you had any intention of changing that. Being completely honest, you should have broken things up with Joel the morning after, but each time you decided to do so, you simply couldn't get it done, the mere thought of standing in front of Joel and asking him to stay away from you was devastating, even if you turned to your memories of the day you found out Joel was in love with Angela and didn't want to be with you any longer couldn't help you. Of course they were as painful as if they were fresh, but at the same time it also felt like it happened between two completely different people rather than you and Joel. It was so difficult to process that Joel and your current Joel were the same, because deep down your heart claimed they weren't; the Joel you were constantly hooking up with was a hardworking, a great father, he was caring, sweet, he was passionate and he treated you as if you were the best thing he'd ever seen in the whole world. He'd become a closed man to relationships due to the guilt he felt for treating you the way he did and the abandonment he suffered from Angela. As much as that sounded twisted, the fact you were both abandoned by people you loved, also brought you closer, especially because he got to know exactly how you felt, which increased his guilt. It was terrible, but he was aware he was probably going to carry that for the rest of his life; even if he watched you smile and laugh, or if you wrapped your arms around him, underneath the joy and excitement he felt within, there would always be a tad of guilt just like a bitter taste in his mouth, reminding him of his coward attitude and how much better than him you truly were. As you had told Joel while you still hadn't crossed the line of how far your relationship should go, the problem wasn't the fact he fell in love with Angela, that could've happened to anyone, even if the sting of rejection hurt, being tricked and lied to was way worse than that. Even if it was hard to recover from the pain - if you had even recovered at all, after all, more than a decade went by without you being able to have a commitment to anyone, unable to stay in a relationship for more than other a few months, - you could only imagine Joel's experience was even worse; not only his relationship with Angela ended, but she also cut her ties with her own baby daughter. The disappointment he felt to realize his daughter would have to grow up without her mom, the paralyzing fear of being on his own to raise a baby, must've been intense. And even if some people could actually laugh at how funny life can be and swear there was still some kind of divine justice lurking around and he was simply paying for everything he'd done to you, you couldn't find the amusement in that situation, it was so sad, you could only feel pity. It seemed to you the years had turned Joel into a silent companion of pain, and not so much into the villain you'd projected onto him.

And all that was only the rational side of the story, because if you left it all to your feelings and desires, you wouldn't be able to leave his bed. Perhaps you were both feeling an overloaded amount of everything you had repressed for each other over the years; being able to externalize it was addictive, at first it was thought to be an inch you both needed to scratch, but soon enough it became obvious it was way more than that, which caused you to fall into his arms whenever you tried to make things easier for the two of you and simply let this condemned relationship go.

As you closed your laptop and watched Sarah's brows furrowing at the paper in front of her, in a mixture of focused and cranky for not being able to solve another math problem easily, she reminded you of Joel and how he would get the same way and have the same expression whenever he got frustrated with something not going according planned. You gently placed your hand on top of hers and offered her a reassuring smile, Sarah had had her nails done by you earlier, proud to see how pretty the sparkly color got on contracts with her skin. She was such a beautiful girl and you enjoyed being able to help her discover that, by introducing simple things like that, which meant the world to her, since she didn't have a mom around, it was nice doing stuff like that with someone experienced who could give her advice on school, friends and boys. She really appreciated it and if it were for Sarah, she would find a way to set you up with her dad and become one small family.

“you should have a break, you've been stuck in this question for a long time, try again later” you advised her and even if she sighed in a gruff way, - again, so Joel Miller coded - she nodded, closing her notebook and checking up her nails discreetly, which brought a warmth into your heart.

“So…” you started, hoping you would sound convincing enough and not raise any kind of suspicions from her, after all, that girl was smart “...you told me your dad is coming to pick you up, right? When he does, invite him inside so you guys can have dinner with me” you suggested, even if you and Joel had already agreed on it. You hadn't been able to see each other in a few days let alone touch each other, which was actually what you both really wanted, so all the options you got were texting like a bunch of horny teenagers. Now, sending nudes to a guy was something you would strongly disagree several months ago, but now? Each time your phone buzzed, you rushed to it, in hopes to get yet another picture of Joel's big hand holding his cock by its base, so you could lock yourself in any room and pull down your bra and panties, exactly the way he liked it. So spending some time around Joel even if you both had to play it cool was better than nothing. Sarah agreed but still felt a little puzzled at your suggestion.

“Alright… but why? You're regretting saying no when I tried to set you up?” She chuckled and you rolled your eyes, hoping you weren't so obvious. You moved to the kitchen and invited her to come along, so she could help you with dinner. You opened the fridge and had your back to Sarah, while you picked the meat and the vegetables.

“No, it's just that your dad was so nice to me, he fixed my front door after the break in, it would be a nice way to repay” you said “why do you even say that?”

“I think dad has a girlfriend or something…” she shrugged and you stopped, looking at her and trying to control the shock over your face.

“Y-yeah? And how do you know it?”

“Well, dad's different now, he seems happier, more cheerful, he's very often texting on his phone…”

“And what do you think of that?”

“It's nice, I guess” Sarah licked her lips “dad deserves to be happy, he's been lonely for a long time, ever since my mom left…” she said “but uncle Tommy says dad was sad before that, apparently there was another girl before mom, it didn't work between them or dad made her go away, I don't know why, but uncle Tommy told me once that even when he was with my mom, he couldn't forget about her an-”

“What happened then?” Only after you said it you realized you interrupted Sarah and sounded a little crazy, she didn't understand why you were so into that story after all, but seeing how eager you were to hear the ending of it, she continued.

“Well, according to uncle Tommy dad never forgot that girl, but she was way out of his league by the time my mom had left, so my dad sort of gave up dating” she shrugged “then my dad got home and interrupted uncle Tommy when he was about to tell me the full story, and he never spoke about it since” she replied with a simple shrug and pointed at the meat you were about to roast

“Hey, that's my dad's favorite!” She said amused at the coincidence of menus which you knew damn well that wasn't a coincidence, but your treat to Joel. As you kept cooking with Sarah's help, you also thought about the story she'd told you, too many things happening at once: finding out Joel had never forgotten you while his daughter was sure he had a mysterious girlfriend, which of course, was also you.

During dinner, you tried your best to forget about all of that, the way Joel and Sarah fit so well in that scene, the three of you at the table, eating and sharing how your days had been seemed like a beautiful painting of a perfect little family. A portrait of what things could've been like, or should have been like, and you enjoyed it, you couldn't deny it at all. Your gaze met Joel's and you shared a smile, silently agreeing you were spending a family time; you wondered if some day that would actually happen and if you would indeed be a family with Joel, sometimes you thought you would like it, and sometimes you would brush it off as some momentary lapse. But when he reached for your hand under the table and held it, caressing your knuckles with his thumb, your heart raced one more time and you couldn't help but allow yourself to picture a life by his and Sarah's side.

When you were all finished, Joel gladly dismissed his daughter from having to help with the dishes and the moment you two noticed she was fairly entertained with the new books you'd bought, he stole a kiss from you. It was quick but sweet and as much as it left you all giggly and blushing, it wasn't enough. Your need for Joel was overpowering, it was addictive, and you needed to touch him. Nothing would happen between the two of you while Sarah stood just a few feet away, Joel would never risk being caught that way, he respected his daughter too much, but he would kill to have his hands all over your body. He thought of asking you on a escapade with him, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea, not with Sarah being a little suspicious of how friendly you were acting towards each other. He wondered if he could actually call you his girlfriend, if he could admit he was dating you, because that's what it felt like, but then, if you both came clean about the situation, it would get complicated, not only for him because of Sarah, but he was well aware you would be in a tricky situation with your family, since he knew for a fact your parents hated him, - with plenty reasons to do so - eventually, you would two would have to have the talk. Now, Joel didn't fear not being with you any longer, he knew that wouldn't happen, you were as attached to him as he was to you, but eventually, you would have to define that situation. He knew he could be cold and distant, but it was so damn hard for him to hide his passion, the way he leaned against the doorframe and watched as you carefully put the dishes away, looking every bit of sexy as you could be, not that young and naive little wife he kept at home before he screwed things up, but instead, the powerful, beautiful woman you grew to be.

Sarah was incredibly smart, but she was also naive at some level, which caused her to be oblivious to the fact you called Joel into the backyard at some point, asking him to check something up you wanted it fixed, only to pull him closer and kiss him deeply, gripping his body, wanting him to engulf you like he always did, your nails gently scratching down his back while his lips ravished yours.

“I want to spend the night with you so bad, baby girl” he whispered against your lips “you're so good to me, you treat Sarah like a princess, you cooked us my favorite meal, all I want is to show my gratitude by getting lost between these beautiful thighs” he teased and for a split second you felt like telling him to stay the night, to come clean and tell Sarah you were dating, dating as if you two were pretty much a decade younger and so eager to be in each other's arms, but it couldn't happen that way, not like that, and not at that moment. You nibbled his bottom lip a couple of times before letting go, your body tingled for him, aching for his touch and as he told you he would call Sarah to go home, you felt unannounced tears flooding your eyes for no reason. Why did things have to be so complicated, why Joel couldn't have been this good from the beginning? You could've lived more than a decade of happiness together, if it weren't for that.

As they said their goodbyes, you watched Joel's truck disappear from your eyesight, a pang in your chest insisting on saying it was your family leaving while you played too hard to get.

•••

You had never seen Sarah smile that wide as she did while you two walked around the mall; side by side, a bunch of bags in hands as you spent such a simple, and yet incredible quality time together. For her, it was like hanging out with the mom she never had, and you felt as if you were shopping around for the daughter you could never conceive. It didn't matter where you were going, which stores you were checking and not even exactly what you were buying, just the fact you were doing that together felt incredibly special. It all began when Sarah complained about not having what to wear to the Harry Styles concert in the upcoming week; after months of begging her dad and uncle Tommy, she was given a ticket to the presentation she'd been dreaming of watching, under the condition she wasn't going to drag her dad along. Joel was an amazing dad, and he would do almost about anything for her, but standing in line for hours and then having to watch that guy performing while an entire stadium of hysterical teenage girls would be screaming at the top of their lungs which would probably cause Joel to go deaf in his good ear was a hard pass, that he wouldn't do. In fact, he would. The moment she gave him her puppy eyes and asked him to take her, he would do it, even if he tried tricking himself, however, luck seemed to be standing by his side, as Tommy happened to start dating this chick who was also obsessed with that Harry guy and when she got herself and Tommy a ticket, Sarah was all set. And so was Joel, because without anyone knowing, he managed to get a free night with you. And in the blink of an eye, you and Joel seemed way more excited for the Harry Styles concert than Sarah.

So when she complained she didn't actually have anything nice to wear, you thought of doing that for her, it would be fun, a change of just staying inside reading books, you could spend some girl time together and while you were out with her, you could really watch Sarah, the way she behaved, how she talked and acted, it reminded you so much of Joel, you wondered if she'd taken anything from Angela at all, deep inside, you wish she didn't, even if it was a petty thing to do. The idea of Sarah being similar only to her dad was nothing but comforting and sweet to you, it was the easiest way to see the evolution he went through, unfortunately, he had to learn how to be a better person through the pain, but he had succeeded and that was what it really mattered. You didn't really care if you'd spent a lot on Sarah, you had the money after all, and she deserved it. She was happy, talking excitedly about several things, to the point she barely noticed when Joel walked towards the two of you. He had his jacket on, hair a little messy from the wind as he grinned shyly at the sight of you, his heart skipping a beat as it felt to him he was meeting his daughter and wife at the mall.

Sarah frowned, amused to see her dad, walking towards him, she hugged him, which surprised Joel a little, not expecting that gesture at that very moment.

“What are you doing here, dad?” She asked curiously as Joel greeted you by giving you a peck on the cheek, trying so hard not to seem he was practically drooling over you.

“Tommy needed to buy his girlfriend whatever and asked me for a ride, so while he disappeared into the crowd I was trying to find him” he explained and stared at you “you girls are having fun, I see?” He raised his eyebrow and Sarah eagerly nodded, lifting her bags a little and showing him everything you'd bought her. He was so thankful for everything you were doing for his daughter, especially because he was sure you did it out of kindness and the fact you care about her. You watched their interaction and bit your lips in anticipation, you felt a sudden urge to kiss Joel in front of everyone and walk around the mall holding hands with him, you had never discussed that before, but the thought of it made your heart race. Sarah exchanged a few words with her dad before her eyes went wide as she spotted one of her best friends a couple of stores ahead and smiled big

“Dad, can I go show Nat the things I got? Please?! I'll be right back!” She asked with her sweet eyes and Joel agreed, telling her you two would be around as he intended to keep you company. As you walked towards another store with Joel following you, Sarah soon got entertained with her friend in an ice cream booth nearby. You both chuckled at the scene and he quickly placed his hand on the small of your back.

“Is Tommy really shopping around for his girlfriend or were you just stalking us?” You teased Joel, entering the lingerie store, earning a gasp from him before he could actually answer your question.

“Don't even think about it, Miller, I'm here just to buy some sports bra to go to the gym and nothing more” you added but the mischievous look in his eyes was extremely well-known.

“That's a shame, because this one would look so good on you” he pointed at a lilac lacey pair of underwear, his mouth watering at how beautiful you would certainly get in it, and how stripping you out of all that lace would feel like unwrapping a Christmas gift. You frowned at him, reminding him you were just there to buy a couple of things and leave, in fact, you shouldn't have even let Joel get inside the store with you, it wouldn't be appropriate and how would he explain to Sarah what the hell he was doing there in the first place. Joel, on the other hand, was pretty much entertained by all the beautiful colors and shapes the tiny pieces of fabric came with; he could picture every inch of your body in them, trying to guess which ones would look better. He knew all of them would be just perfect, but he was a guy who was simply drawn to the traditional good old red lacey; it was gorgeous, and it would be a nice gift for the two of you. As he looked around to find you and show you what he'd decided to treat you to, you were nowhere to be seen; the sales clerk already busy with the new customers walking into the store, he decided to wander after you. He was thankful no one seemed to mind nor notice him there, too worried to be seen as a creep, but determined to find you nonetheless; as he got to the fitting room area, he quickly called your name.

“What now, Joel?!” You immediately replied from the one in the corner, slightly annoyed at the fact he'd followed you there, sometimes Joel was a little like a stray puppy, coming after you with those big sad brown eyes, and even if you wanted to shop for freaking sports bras on your own, you couldn't help but enjoy the fact he was just so needy of you.

When Joel opened the door and got inside, you even tried to argue and ask him what the heck he was doing there, but instead, he smirked, gripping your sides and kissing you as a way to keep you silent. You wanted to push him away and tell him to fuck off, but the rushing adrenaline you felt through your veins made you feel alive, and as always, Joel's touch set you on fire. He broke the kiss dragging his lips over to your neck and then your collarbone, his hands climbing up your sides and going to your breasts, squeezing them softly

“This sports bra ain't bad, but I'd say a work of art like your body should have more lace, or glitter or whatever shit you like” he said in a grunt and lowered your top, even against your protests that weren't much more than just some whimpers that couldn't convince you, let alone Joel. You could feel his beard scratching down your chest and going straight to your breasts, lips wrapping around your nipples as he suckled on it gently at first, flicking it with his tongue before moving to your other breast and working the same magic. Your heart raced to the point you could feel your blood rushing through your ears, the fact you both could be caught at any moment and kicked out of the store, or even worse: be arrested for public indecency, added a hint of fear to the traditional lust you had for Joel; that man would be the dead of you, that much you were sure of.

“We can't Joel…” you mumbled against his curls, his head on your chest as his fingers found their way down your belly, getting so close to your sweet spot, he was so needy of you, wanting all of you to the point it felt he would go crazy. His digits toyed with the hem of your panties, while you pulled his curls a little, making him groan.

“Sorry honey” you whispered and kissed this temple, which made him smile. Joel was about to finger you in a fitting room in the middle of a store and you were so sweet to him, it made his heart ache a little, at the realization he definitely didn't deserve you. He kissed you once more and nibbled your lower lips the moment his fingers reached your core, spreading your lips apart and finding your needy clit, already so hard and wet, just for him to enjoy. He wasn't going to tease you, you both didn't have time for it, so instead, he played with your wetness, before shoving his fingers inside of you, stretching you up the way you both knew and enjoyed it, he thumbed with your clit before focusing all his ministrations into your tight cunt, feeling your muscles squeezing and clenching around him. He'd kill to have his cock inside of you instead of his fingers, but that would have to wait. He felt your teeth on his shoulder, while your pussy gushed at the same time you came for him. He felt your body going limp, sustaining your weight with his free hand

“Taste yourself, princess” he whispered against your ear and held his fingers up, waiting for you to wrap your devilish lips around them and lick them clean. Joel felt the urge to take you right there and then, but he was a patient man and knew things would have to wait. He kissed your lips goodbye and exited the fitting room after making sure no one was around to see him.

The sales clerk was a little confused when she saw Joel walking towards the register with a blood red pair of lacey lingerie, she couldn't remember seeing him walk into the store and let alone hang around, but the work policy forced her to smile at him and be helpful, especially when he got his wallet out and extended his credit card.

“I'd like you to gift wrap this and give it to the beautiful lady who's trying sports bra in the fitting room, tell her it's my treat” he winked at the woman, aware he could use his charms in his own favor. She agreed to his request and he left the store just like any other ordinary customer, at the same time you received the package as a present the moment you tried paying for your stuff.

•••

After waiting what it seemed like forever, the Harry Styles concert was about to happen, which caused Joel to have a break from his brother, his girlfriend Maria and Sarah, who insisted they all spend hours waiting in line. His heart was full of joy and pride to see how happy his precious daughter was, the way she could barely sleep at night and that guy was the only thing she ever talked about. It was amusing to him, even if he ran out of patience from time to time, it was amazing to see his little girl looking like a beautiful young woman in her new outfit bursting with happiness. Joel couldn't also complain about the fact he managed to enjoy a full day by himself and get ready to receive you through the night. He'd gone grocery shopping, buying all the kinds of treats he knew you loved - or used to, as people could often change their personal taste over the years, but instead of seeing that with sadness, he felt glad to be able to learn something new about the woman he was madly in love with. He was going to go for some beer, but Joel thought again and decided to pick some wine, he just thought you were more of a wine kind of woman, more elegant than just cheap beer.

What you both hadn't counted on, was how hot the weather was, even if the sun had set down, it was still uncomfortable to remain inside, which made Joel suggest you both should move your date night to the swimming pool. At first you thought he was joking, but the stern look on his face told you he was being completely serious, and you thought it was a nice change. The way Joel took the bottle of wine, the glasses and simply began undressing without a word made you puzzled, until he turned around and told you to take off your clothes as well.

One skinny-dipping adventure and a quicky in his pool later, you both took sips of your wine, as you pressed yourself against him; Joel's arms were tight around your body as you rested your head on his chest, kissing it gently, and listening to his heartbeats, it was scary how out of the sudden, his arms became your favorite place in the world. You were far too deep into this story, and there was no way out without getting hurt, but that wasn't the time to think of that, you didn't want to have those kinds of thoughts, you wanted to spend your time with Joel and get lost into him, just as he was into you.

“Sarah told me you have a girlfriend” you blurted out, making Joel raise his eyebrow at you and looking down at you

“What?!”

“Well, she said you seemed happier lately, always texting someone, sneaking out here and there…” you chuckled “I wonder who that bitch is” Joel laughed at your comment, his hand sliding down your back and resting on your ass, squeezing it and then pecking your lips.

“She ain't no bitch, I can assure you that much” he said gently and nuzzled your neck “she's gorgeous, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, well, after Sarah, of course, but still, and she was so kind to forgive me after everything I've done” his lips were back on your cheek and then on your lips “and I love her very much”

For a moment your whole world stopped. Joel loved you. He admitted it out loud, it wasn't just a matter of simple assumptions, but rather a concrete, explicit feeling. You opened your mouth looking at him hesitantly, what exactly should you say? What could you tell Joel? Did you love him back? If so, were you ready to admit it and face the consequences of getting back together with the man who caused the biggest emotional trauma of your life. Joel took his hands off your body and looked at you with a hint of disappointment, even if he didn't want to admit it, he was disappointed, he thought you shared the same feeling as he did, so he sighed and nodded.

“It's fine, you don't have to say it back…” he cleared his throat and swam to the ladder of the pool “it's getting a little chilly, I think we should get inside”

•••

A few days later, your conversation with Joel simply wouldn't leave your mind; you were in love with him, it was impossible for anyone not to notice, him included, and yet, you didn't understand why it was so hard for you to simply admit it. Perhaps, if you did it, then it would become real, and your relationship with him would stop being a fun, little secret shared by the two of you, but rather a concrete relationship between two adults, where you'd eventually have to come clean and open up to family, friends, you would celebrate birthdays and holidays, anniversaries and face several, typical questions coming from all sides, wondering if you would both remarry or have kids. It was overwhelming, but not as bad as how you were feeling at that moment. You felt guilty and embarrassed, and the paranoid side of you was convinced Joel had been avoiding you for the past week, whereas Sarah was at your place nearly everyday, still talking about Harry Styles and showing you countless pictures of the concert, he wouldn't text much nor insist to see you, even when you suggested him to sneak out late at night and go to yours, he politely declined by saying Tommy and him got a new big client and work was rushed and soul crushing. Of course he could be telling you the truth, he did sound exhausted on the phone and Sarah had mentioned Joel and Tommy had been arriving late most days, both of them covered in sweat and in such a bad mood due to the unbelievable amount of work they were having. Yet, what should make you feel calm and at ease, didn't help one bit, it was uncomfortable and depressing not having Joel around, you missed him, his touch, his body but mostly his presence. He'd been a constant in your life for the past months, and it was only taking a week for you to feel abandoned. It wasn't fair to you, and yet, it wasn't fair to him either, not when he declared his love for you and you couldn't even say it back. You placed your living room, not sure whether you should drive to his home or not, in fact, you knew you shouldn't, but you wanted to, because that particular day, not even Sarah showed up, and it made you sad. You were so attached to the little family destiny set apart for you, simply a day or two away from them was enough to cause a large wound in your heart. You looked around, looking for an excuse to show up at the Miller's household; until your eyes widened and you grinned to see Sarah's history book lying around your coffee table. It was the perfect excuse to go and see them! Perhaps you could even end up having dinner with them, and then make up an excuse about a flat tire or whatever, have Joel giving you a ride home and end up being railed by him in the back of his truck. The longing for Joel was increasing and all you wanted was to make things right by explaining him you did have feelings for him and you needed some time, but you were willing to make sacrifices in order to be with him, because you wanted to and it was important for you that he saw how appreciated he was by you.

On your way to Joel's, you stopped at a bakery you knew Sarah loved, thinking of all the delicious treats you could take so you'd keep your family spoiled, at least a little. You smiled at yourself the moment you chose a couple of cupcakes, cookies and the chicken pie Joel loved, thinking of how you were already addressing them as your family. The truth is that they were indeed your family, the connection you three had was strong, the bond you created with Sarah without even knowing for a fact who she was and later on all that passion for Joel surfacing after spending a decade buried deep inside of you. It was a waste of time fighting that, and you wanted to get to them as soon as possible, you'd been alone far too long, it was about time to yourself have one good thing, to break free and admit how happy you were next to the Millers. You loved them just as they loved you, and it made no sense to fight that feeling and pretend it didn't exist.

The ride wasn't long, there was hardly any traffic in the suburbs, most families were already inside, having dinner together as the sun had set and the street lights were all lit up, as you parked your car, you saw Joel's truck in the driveway and felt your chest tightening in anxiety and fear; if he was already home why didn't he call or text you? Maybe he was indeed avoiding you?! Joel wouldn't make the same mistake twice and push you away, would he? You shook your head, you had faith in him, faith you both had matured and were able to handle things by talking and being honest with each other; you licked your lips and sighed, knowing that whatever was going on could be solved by the two of you as two functional adults, besides, there were a bunch of explanations to why he hadn't talked to you that day yet, you shouldn't jump to conclusions and let your paranoia win once more. You got out of the car with the bag full of treats and walked to the front door, you knocked a couple of times and waited for an answer but nobody came. It was odd, as you could hear Joel's and Sarah's voices coming from inside, and even if you couldn't tell what they were saying your heart raced, your gut feeling telling you something was up and you couldn't wait any longer, silently opening the door and getting inside. You placed the bag of food down the coffee table as you could clearly hear what they were saying. It seemed Joel and Sarah were arguing, which was extremely odd, since you had never seen them have any kind of disagreement, they just had a real nice and healthy father and daughter relationship in which they both listened to each other and acted with respect. As you approached, you heard Sarah's cries and you were taken by worry, perhaps someone had died? You couldn't wait any longer, you rushed and got into the kitchen, confused at first at what had happened between them, Joel looked so overwhelmed, his face was red and he desperately tried to make a point while telling Sarah a bunch of information she could barely cope with, as she cried in disappointment and shook her head, not believing anything her dad was saying. Her heart was shattered with disappointment and sadness, she couldn't believe her dad, her hero, the man she loved and admired the most in her life had done such a thing.

On the kitchen table, a photograph taken on your wedding day was lying around. A younger version of yourself hugged a much younger Joel as you both stood in front of the courthouse, smiling widely at the camera. There was no way to deny it nor hide it. Sarah had found out about your previous connection god knows how and Joel seemed desperate as he wanted to explain himself to his daughter, he couldn't bear having her so disappointed in him like that, it shattered his heart into a million pieces.

“Sarah…” you whispered and tried touching her cheek, wanting to caress it gently and assure her everything was fine now, that what had happened was in the past and that her dad was still the best father a girl could ever wish for. But Sarah moved her face away from your touch, her eyes were glistening with tears as she seemed so heartbroken

“You both lied to me! Why did you lie?” She asked and you looked at Joel wanting to have some kind of support in order to reply to her question.

“Sarah, we are both sorry, but your dad and I have made up after what happened, I know it's a lot to take now but don't be upset please” you asked her, Joel nodded and wrapped his arm around your waist in order to show her things were fine between the two of you. He promised to talk to her and explain everything to her in detail, but she was just so upset, feeling betrayed by the person she admired and loved the most in the whole world. You knew there was nothing you both could do at that moment, not with Sarah being so nervous and upset, instead, you asked Joel to call Tommy and suggested that he took her out for ice cream or something, maybe have a little chat with his niece while you and Joel could sit down and figure the best way to tell her everything. It didn't take more than twenty minutes for his younger brother to arrive, Sarah had drunk some water and washed her face, leaving with Tommy as you sat next to Joel. You took his hand and caressed it, while he refused to look you in the eye, the guilt and shame once more eating him alive, and now it had become even worse, as his precious little Sarah had found out the truth about him in the worst way possible. All she needed was an old picture for her school project and going through Joel's old memory box should be enough, and then she came across the pictures of his wedding day. Not to her mom, but to you instead, and then it all made sense: why you were never willing to be around her dad, or how you decided to keep yourself away from any kind of relationship. Because the asshole you told her you'd married once, was simply her father. The good old Joel Miller, the man who had to raise his baby daughter on his own after she left him, and then, Sarah had found out her dad had been really bad to someone so dearly to her. You, you could've been married to her dad, you could've been her mom, she could've had a family all along.

You looked at Joel and wiped a single tear that rolled down his cheek, even if he tried to hide it.

“What are we doing now, Joel?”

“I don't know…”

____

A/N: what a ride, right besties? Remember, feedback is life ❤️

[onlycosmere]

Fernican: At any point, did you contemplate the possibility that Yumi would actually die at the end of the book? Or did you know from the beginning that she would survive?

Brandon Sanderson: I contemplated it. This was a tough one for me, because the more artistic ending and more appropriate to the source material that was an inspiration to me is the ending where she dies. And Yumi’s been a Cognitive Shadow all along.

But why did I make the change? There’s a couple reasons that I decided to go that way. It’s not like I made a change; don’t take it like that. It’s not like I had an outline for one, and I went the other way. The outline always went this way, but there were times when I was building that outline. And there’s a couple reasons.

Number one: this is a gift for my wife. And as a gift for my wife, I want the ending that she will love.

Number two is: we do have this sense in our society that sadness is artistic. And I’ve rejected that notion, that artistry must be sad. You can see it very clearly in what we give awards to. Sad endings can be very artistic; but you know what has a really fantastic happy ending? Lord of the Rings. Granted, there’s some bittersweetness to it, but you know what? Frodo has been through hell. That’s the bittersweet part; he can never really be part of society again. But they all make it. Lord of the Rings wouldn’t be better if the fire just killed Sam and Frodo at the end. You know what? It’s better that they make it. And I’m okay with sometimes being like, “This is the ending that I want.”

And the last reason, one of the best comps for Yumi is obviously Your Name. I mentioned that in the epilogue. I made some very deliberate choices to make Yumi read differently from Your Name. The story I wanted to tell is: what if you had to watch someone else doing your job poorly; and you, kind of as a ghost, had to learn to coach them along. I also wanted these two to be bound together, so that the romance worked as a romance between them. Your Name is really awesome for its ending; it has one of these kind of more uncertain endings. I won’t say it’s happy; I won’t say it’s sad. More uncertain. It’s really appropriate for Your Name, because the two characters didn’t really know each other, ever.

They knew each other’s lives and friends and families, but they didn’t actually have a chance to really get to know one another, and the ending to Your Name is a perfect nod to that. It’s a chef’s kiss sort of ending for that specific story, where two people didn’t actually know each other, but knew so much about each other. And I love that aspect of Your Name. I needed a different ending for this, because it is a very different style. It’s two people who actually got to know each other.

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: A girl with dangerous magic makes a risky bargain with a demon to be free of her monstrous power in this young adult fantasy perfect for fans of An Enchantment of Ravens and House of Salt and Sorrows.

Liska knows that magic is monstrous, and its practitioners are monsters. She has done everything possible to suppress her own magic, to disastrous consequences. Desperate to be free of it, Liska flees her small village and delves into the dangerous, demon-inhabited spirit-wood to steal a mythical fern flower. If she plucks it, she can use its one wish to banish her powers. Everyone who has sought the fern flower has fallen prey to unknown horrors, so when Liska is caught by the demon warden of the wood—called The Leszy—a bargain seems better than death: one year of servitude in exchange for the fern flower and its wish.

Whisked away to The Leszy’s crumbling manor, Liska soon makes an unsettling discovery: she is not the first person to strike this bargain, and all her predecessors have mysteriously vanished. If Liska wants to survive the year and return home, she must unravel her taciturn host’s spool of secrets and face the ghosts—figurative and literal—of his past. Because something wakes in the woods, something deadly and without mercy. It frightens even The Leszy…and cannot be defeated unless Liska embraces the monster she’s always feared becoming.

Review:

Howl's Moving Castle mixed in with Polish mythology and so much more. This was a gorgeous story filled with magic, romance, dangerous monsters, and deals with demons and old gods. Liska is a girl cursed with uncontrollable magic, every time she lets it out someone ends up hurt... or dead. In an attempt to finally get rid of it she decides to wander into the woods to make a deal with a demon. But deals with demons always comes with a cost... so when she meets the Guardian of the Woods, Leszy, he asks for one year of her servitude in exchange for her magic. For one year she will live in his manor and work under him and to her surprise he even begins to train her as his apprentice. One year should go by right? For a village girl shunned by everyone in town for being a "witch" Liska strangely begins to feel like she has found a home for herself with this strange demon and his sentient house and talking cat. Liska and Leszy are polar opposites, she is sunshine while he is darkness, she is a curious and open while he has so many guarded secrets. Yet Liska finds herself drawn to his secrets and his past, trying to figure out why he wants her magic and what happened to the previous apprentice who lived her as well as why a mysterious ghost dog keeps haunting her at night. Liska discovers more than she could ever imagine about the demon boy she lives with and that beneath his gruff exterior lies a boy who is cursed. Liska discovers that Leszya got his power from a deal with a powerful demon himself and that he gave his heart up... yet if she wants to save the boy she has begun to fall for she'll have to break his curse and save his heart before it's too late. This was an absolutely fantastic and stunning read, I adored this book so much, It's such a perfect read for fans of Howl's Moving Castle and Uprooted, it's got a great world and the relationships between the characters was absolutely perfect. My only thing is I wish there was a bonus chapter or a bit of an extended epilogue so I could see more of Liska and Leszy together again after everything. I just wanted one more happy scene for them after everything they went through so badly because I love them so much. I seriously loved this book and can't wait to recommend it!

*Thanks Netgalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing, Margaret K. McElderry Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[stilldancewithyou]

the ending (part 1)

Summary: This is how I imagine the story should end if there was a season 4 and/or book 4 or expanded epilogue to the books. This is taking place a couple years after Belly and Conrad's wedding and it is kind of a mix of the show and the books with some extra added things. It's based on this.

Warnings: none that I can think of, except this is basically one giant spoiler, if you have not read the books, I would recommend proceeding with caution because there are SPOILERS AHEAD. otherwise this is just overloaded with cuteness and all the Belly and Conrad married couple content the books didn't give us.

Word Count: 1783

Sunlight streams through the windows, illuminating the whole house in a way the sun only does in the summer. Everything is ready, and everyone will be here soon. I take one last walk around the house, making sure everything is in its place, that everything is perfect. It has to be perfect, just like Susannah would have done it. There's vases of blue hydrangeas that Conrad helped me cut from the bushes outside scattered throughout the house, and the kitchen is stocked with cereal.

I look up at the pictures on the mantle, Conrad and I on our wedding day; Conrad with Jere and Steven; Taylor and I; a group photo of all of us and Laurel; one of Con, Susie and I on the day Susie was born; and a Fisher family Christmas portrait that Conrad absolutely hates; and in the center, a shot of Susannah and all of us kids from the last summer we spent with her here. I smile, reaching up to gently touch the frame with my fingertips. Susannah would be so happy we're having a big Fisher-Conklin family summer at the summer house again.

I open the sliding door and step out onto the back deck, looking out at the ocean and feeling the sun warm on my face. It's warm but not too warm out, and the sky is clear and blue. A perfect Cousins beach day.

"It's a perfect Cousins beach day," Conrad says as he comes outside behind me, shutting the door very carefully and quietly.

"Yeah," I laugh, looking over at him fondly. "It's like you just read my mind."

He chuckles and then he's silent for a long moment as he takes in the view in front of us and the sunshine. "It feels like my Mom is here," He says softly, and I can see the sadness momentarily flicker in his eyes.

I lean towards him, putting my arms around him gently. "Susannah would never miss a summer in Cousins."

"No," He smiles, burying his head in the space between my shoulder and neck, "she wouldn't."

I'm suddenly aware of another person who is also, at this moment, missing. "Con, where's Susie? Did you check on her?"

"She's sleepin' like a baby, Belly," Conrad replies, with that smirk on his face that has always driven me crazy. "She timed her nap perfectly, she should be wide awake and well rested by the time everyone gets here."

"I should go get her ready. Knowing my mother, she will be here exactly on time," I tell him, starting to untangle myself from his embrace. I would stay in his arms forever if it was up to me.

He laughs, thinking this over. "Oh yeah, Laur will definitely be on time. Jere on the other hand, will absolutely be late. Him and Steven both." He turns to watch me open the door and head back inside. "Do you need help with Suz?"

"No, I've got it under control Con. Can you just do one last check and make sure we didn't forget anything?" I ask him.

"We already checked, like, four times, Bel, but you know I'll do anything for you," He can't keep the smile off his face as he follows me inside, stopping to kiss me for a moment, soft and slow. He smiles against my lips before he pulls away slowly and reaches out to push my hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear, letting his thumb brush against my cheek gently. "I love you."

Hearing Conrad Fisher say those words to me will never get old. Even after all these years, I still get butterflies and blush like a little girl every time he says it.

"I love you too," I smile at him, stealing one last kiss. It feels like getting the last word, getting the last kiss before I go upstairs. I have to kiss the smirk off his face, smooth out his lips, remind him that he's mine. Even though I know no matter how many times I kiss that smirk away it always comes back.

Upstairs, Susie is laying in her crib, just waking up. When she sees me she sits up, reaching out towards the bars on the side of the crib. Her blue eyes open wide, looking up at me and daring me to take longer than five seconds to pick her up. She has her father's eyes and his attitude. It takes me longer than five seconds to cross the nursery, so she pulls herself up, shaking the bars and making fussy, grumpy baby noises, devolving into crying. "Ma-ma!"

"Mama's got you, Susie," I say, lifting her out of the crib and holding her close to me, her little head resting on my shoulder. I rock her gently to soothe her, and her fussing slowly calms down. "I know, I know, it's hard to be a baby."

I lay her down on the changing table and play peekaboo with my hands, earning a smile and the sweetest little laughter from her. As I change her diaper and get her dressed in the pretty little baby sundress I picked out for her to wear today, I can hear quiet thumps and thuds from Conrad downstairs. He's opening and closing cabinets and doors, and moving things around. I smile to myself, knowing that despite him teasing me, he really is doing a final check. I know he wants this summer to be just as perfect as I do. Susie was born at the very end of last summer, so this is the first summer of her life, her first summer in Cousins. I know she won't remember it, but I want it to be special for her anyway, just like Susannah would have.

Susannah would be so happy that there's another little girl in the family, a Fisher girl. She'd be even happier to know that the nursery is in my old room, the one that was once Susannah's childhood bedroom. And she'd be absolutely thrilled that Conrad and I have made the summer house our home. It's my childhood dream come true. For me, this house has always been my home. Living here is like an endless summer in some ways, although every season in Cousins has its charm, especially winter. Waking up every day in this house with Conrad Fisher, I've never felt more at home.

I carry Susie downstairs, now that she's dressed and freshened up. Conrad is in the living room, refolding a blanket and fluffing up pillows on the couch, and his face lights up and breaks into a smile the second I walk in. "There's my girls," He smiles, giving me a quick peck on the lips and taking Susie into his arms. "Look at my pretty baby, all dressed up," He coos to her.

"She's all ready for her first summer," I say, smiling at the baby, "aren't you, pretty girl? All your favorite people are going to be here any minute."

"Yeah, you're so excited to see Uncle Stevie and Uncle Jere, aren't you?" Conrad says, still cooing in his baby-talking voice. "And Grandma Laur-" He's cut off by the sound of a car door shutting outside, and we hurry over to the door together to peek out the window, and speak of the devil, my mother is smiling and carrying some of her bags to the porch. When we open the door, my mother is standing there beaming at us. I don't think I've seen her this happy in a long time.

"Hi Laur! We're so happy you're here," Conrad smiles sincerely at her, moving in for a somewhat awkward hug since the baby is still in his arms. Susie is smiling wide at her, showing off her four little teeth.

I hug her next, and she squeezes me tight. "Belly, it's so good to see you. You're glowing, bean."

"Thanks Mom," I smile at her. "Now put your bags down and make yourself at home. Conrad will help you carry your things in."

"I'm holding the baby though, so I don't know if I can," He says teasingly, smirking. I know he was going to do it anyway, without anyone ever having to ask; he's still the same old Conrad who is all about duty and doing the right thing. But he likes to joke and tease, even when he's fooling no one. Or at least not fooling me.

"Don't worry, I'll take her off your hands, Connie," my mother smirks right back at him, reaching out and taking the baby into her arms.

Conrad chuckles and calls out, "Thank you, Laur!" as he walks toward the door to carry her bags in just like I knew he would from the beginning.

I look back over at my mom and smile. She's smiling at Susie and Susie is smiling right back at her, listening wide-eyed to everything my mother is saying to her. "I'm so glad you're here, Mom," I say to her.

"Me too," She smiles, "I wouldn't miss Susie's first summer in Cousins for the world. Susannah would never let that happen." She looks at Susie, who lets out a little laugh. "She would have loved you, Susannah Laurel Fisher."

Conrad comes back in then, arms full of my mothers bags and sets them down with a thump. "Geez Laurel, did you pack your entire house?" He jokes.

"No, I just packed the essentials, plus I stocked up on all the good bulk stuff at Costco. We should have everything-" My mom looks at all her bags as if she's remembering something. "Oh shoot, I completely forgot my diet Coke."

"Don't worry Laur, we've got you covered. We made sure to get some for you," Conrad grins at her.

"You must have had to drive so far to find it. I used to always complain to Susannah about how they don't sell it here," My mom says.

"Oh it was no problem. We wanted to make sure we had everything for everyone," Conrad assures her. "Speaking of everyone, the others should be here any minute now."

As if on cue, we hear a car pulling up outside. When we all move towards the door to peek out, we see Steven emerging from his car with a big grin on his face.

I guess now I know how the boys felt at the start of every summer, waiting for us to arrive. This is the hardest part, all the nerves and anticipation and waiting. Thank goodness the waiting will be over soon. Jeremiah and Taylor shouldn't be far behind Steven, and once they get here the summer can officially begin.

_____________________________________________________________

I had originally planned on writing the whole thing as one long one shot, but I decided to just do it in parts so you can get a glimpse at what I've been working on. I hope you liked part 1. stay tuned and please let me know what you thought of this and if you want to read more!

[sleepy-vix]

hello hello hello!! i hope this day is treating you well <3

so. erm. i finished if we were villains one second ago. there are tear tracks still glistening on my face. and i have Thoughts TM

to be frank i wasn't a fan of most of the book (i found the very excessive shakespeare-quoting stilted, pretentious and cringey — and i'm saying this as a person who quotes shakespeare too much for the average sane person and is very annoying about it) but something changed when i was reading act five. i then proceeded to cry through the end bit of act five and the whole epilogue.

i have no idea what i feel about it skjfksdfj i have no idea when i started caring about these pretentious ass bitches enough to cry over them, seeing that for most of the book i was just incredibly annoyed by all of them. although i am proud to say i clocked james and oliver for what they were in their first few interactions. the power of the gaydar ladies and gents

i think part of the problem was that i was comparing it to the secret history so much in my mind (which is practically literary perfection in my mind. i personally believe that donna tartt is a greek muse in disguise and should be treated as such/j) it just paled in comparison — honestly, people need to stop comparing the two or just lumping them into "dark academia" (i'm personally not the hugest fan of aesthetic-based grouping for book recs, but that's a rant for another day)

i think it's a one-time read for me. like yes it was definitely an... interesting experience but probably not good enough to reread? i don't know?? i have zero idea if you like this book or not i just know that you've read it — so apologies if i accidentally offended you or something 😭😭 i would love to hear your thoughts on it though (especially the ending)!

I READ IT BACK IN GRADE 8 DURING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND I WAS JUST DEPRESSED FOR THE WHOLE 8 WEEKS LMAO

im like ehhh about it now 😭 which is sad because i was so obsessed with it i made a playlist for james and oliver (im such a geek it's actually so embarrassing 💀)

also i completely agree with you about the shakespeare quotes. it got to a point where i would just skip the quotes and only read the actual writing because is it ever THAT serious?

also i have a few other icks about the book:

- oliver and meredith getting together (that was so ???? like i lowkey hated oliver for that)

- filippa's character. it was so ?? like m.l. rio did such a bad job writing her... the idea of her character is awesome but the execution was really not, which was disappointing.

but in general i really liked it :) i read it before the secret history, so thankfully i never unconsciously compared them with eachother (which i've heard is actually really common between people who read tsh first).

i agree with you in the dark academia lumping thing sooo much. like, you often see them side by side, but the only thing they have in common is a friend group + one person dies + school setting. which really doesn't mean much considering that alot of stories are set in schools and include friend groups.

also not to mention that tsh is twice the size of iwwv 😭 idk i get so defensive when ppl bash iwwv for being worse than tsh (even tho i agree)

tbh i loved it alot but i wouldn't reread it either because the oliver and meredith parts where so 💀

m.l. rio is writing another book btw! its called grave digger. im looking forward to it because i'd like to know if she's actually a good writer or if she was only good in my 13 year old mind.

im so happy that u sent me this ask :)) its not very often that i get to talk abt iwwv with a person who agrees with me that the book is sad but not that good

[andydrysdalerogers]

Presley ~ A Curtis Everett AU ~ Epilogue

Curtis Everett x OFC Presley Adams

Synopsis:

Curtis Everett is a hard working man. As the head of the mob of Concord, he does everything he can to provide for his wife and children. His life is perfect. Until it's not.

After a devastating accident, Curtis is alone with his children and needs some serious help.

Presley Adams needs to find work and fast. Running from her past she just wants to lay low and earn enough to get her out of town. Until she starts working for Curtis as his live in nanny.

As she falls in love with this family, can she stop her past from finding her? Or will her past be the end of the Everett reign in Concord?

Book two of the Five Kings of Boston series

Warning: themes of a mafia lifestyle; SMUT; possessive tendencies; murder; death; age gap; rape

Banners by me! Dividers by @firefly-graphics

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Previous: part Eight

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Seven months later... 

Presley 

I find myself sitting in the window seat of our room a lot. Since that day in Jersey, my comfort is here, where Curtis used to hold me as we watched the sunset or the sunrise. Its where I would read to Evie and Josh while we waited for Curtis to come home. Its my safe place, where I feel the most at peace.  

I don’t remember much after Curtis lost consciousness. I just remember that I was screaming for Curtis to wake up. I felt someone hold me, I think it was Clint pulling me away from his as the othr members of our team rushed to work on Curtis. I woke up in the hospital with Clint waiting for me.  

“Clint?” 

“Hey Pres.” He came over and kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you’re awake. The kids have been asking for you.”  

The door opened just then and Josh and Evie peeked around.  “Mama!” They ran to my bed and climbed in. I cried as I held and kissed my children. They were safe and I didn’t lose them. They held on to me like I could disappear. After a while, they fell asleep on me. I wouldn’t move them for the world.  

Clint took a seat next to me. “Obviously, Blackwood is dead.” He sighed. “Pres, I’m sorry but we found your father in the old playhouse. He left you a letter.” He placed an envelope on the bedside table. “Adam made it and is recovering at Concord General.”  

“What about Nat?” 

Clint went to open his mouth when the door opened again. Nat shuffled in, dragging her IV pole with her. “I’m ok,” she whispered with tears in her eyes. Clint got up to allow her to sit. 

“Nat is good,” Clint said with a smile. “One bullet hit the weak side of her vest and the other was in the vest. Some blood loss but obviously she’s good.”  

“And Curtis?” 

Before Clint or Nat could answer, a doctor came in. “Miss Adams, I’m Doctor Sloan. How are you feeling?” 

“Sore and a little confused.”  

“Understandable, given the circumstances. Your tests came back clear, it think it was just the shock.” He stopped for a second.  “I do have something to discuss with you. But if we want to have the discussion in private...” 

“No, you can speak in front of them.”  

It was news that would change my life.  

I sighed as I looked at the letter from my father.  

Lia,  

It devastates me to know that your entire life and the actions that have happened were my fault and you suffered for it.  It took you being gone from my life for the last six years to realize what I had done.  

I failed you.  

I want you to know, I didn’t physically kill your mother. Charles pulled the trigger after she refused to say where you went. I was angry and I let it happen. I am responsibie for your mother’s death. I didn’t follow her because once I was clear-headed, i knew I needed to do anything and everything to keep you safe.  

I have spoken to Curtis. He loves and cares for you so much. I hope that you are happy with him. As happy as your mother and I were before I messed it all up.  

I’ve left everything to you, Lia. The family will already has instructions to merge with the Everett family. They were very tired of Charles and would only transition if you were listed as the head of the family.  

I hope that you and Curtis have a wonderful life together. I love you, Lia.  

Your father, Mario 

I think I’ve read this letter a thousand times since it was given to me. For some reason, it gives me peace, knowing that my mother’s murder had died at my own hand. I mourn the loss of my father. My head leans against the glass as a tear slides down. All the loss I have endured make my heart hurt.  I look down at the belly protruding from my body and hope that this little one doesn’t have to experience more.  She is the miracle we had dreamed about before... before everything had changed.  

We are sitting where I am now, leaning into Curtis. He is kissing my shoulder before he breathes, “Would you want to have children, Kitten?” 

“With you? “I asked with a giggle 

He nips at my ear. “Brat. Yes, with me.”  

“We have children.”  

“Kitten,” he growled in warning.  

I giggle louder before I turn in his lap to face him. “Yes, love. I would love to make our family bigger.”  

I wipe my eyes, but the hormones don’t allow the tears to stop.  I don’t hear the door open but I hear... 

“Kitten, are you okay?” 

Curtis 

I had been watching my Presley from the door way for the last few moments. I could see she was floating back into her memories. Memories I wish she didn’t have.  

Fuck did everything hurt. That was the first thing I noticed. The second was the noise, a constant beeping. And then I heard it, the quiet prayer being said, begging God to bring me back to her.  

To bring me back to my Presley.  

I felt her delicate skin in my hand. She is alive, crying and praying, but alive. I squeeze her hand a little and she gasps. 

“Curtis? Baby, can you hear me?” 

“Heaven,” i croak out.  

“Baby?” 

“See an angel,” I say before the darkness takes over.  

I can feel wetness on my hand and weight next to it. I go to pat the weight and try to open my eyes but its too bright. I feel the softness of her hair.  

“Kitten.”  

“Curtis? Baby are you with me?” 

“Heaven,” I sigh before I try to blink my eyes again. And then I see it. Her eyes. Her beautiful, red rimmed eyes. A reminder of everything I could have lost. “Presley.”  

“Curtis!” She leans against my arm and sobs rack her body.  

“I’m here Kitten.  I’m here.”  

“Kitten, what’s wrong?” I kneeled in front of my pregnant fiancé, worried that something had hurt her. I ran my hands over her, stopping on her belly as I felt my daughter kick.  

“I’m ok,” she hiccups. “Just remembering.”  

“Why baby? Its in the past. WE made it. We’re here.” After I woke up, I wasted no time to put a ring on her finger. Especially after she told me that she was 10 weeks pregnant.  Our miracle survived her kidnapping and assault. I have never been a man of faith.  But I couldn’t help but send a prayer of thanks that my girls were physically ok. Now, we had to deal with the mental healing that Presley was going through.   

“I know but it scares me because of who we are and what power we hold.  How we’ll protect them. How they will never meet my parents. I just get lost in my head.”  

I knew she would never get over it completely, but she was strong.  She was resilient.  She is my Queen.  However, there were days like today where she had to deal with the reality that hurt her heart.  She lost both of her parents and killed a man.  It was a lot. I had faith she would make it to the other side. “I know sweetheart. But I will never let something like this happen again. I love you.” I kiss her softly.  

“I love...oh,” she stops, clutching at her belly.  

I froze. “Pres?” 

“I think that was a contraction,” she says with a tremble.  

I smile. “Okay, let’s get you downstairs.”  

Fourteen hours later, I’m staring at my sleeping girl while holding my sleepy baby girl.  “Chloe Amelia, you have no idea how much you are loved,” Iisay, swaying to invisible music. I look out the window, thanking the heavens that the birth was not complicating, just exhausting for Presley.  

I finally feel complete.  

I’m putting my girl down to sleep when my phone buzzes.  I take a look since I had annouced my daughters arrival to the Kings and the Don.  

Levinson: Your daughter is beautiful.   Everett: Thanks man.   Levinson: I’m sorry to do this today but I think I’m in trouble  Everett: are you ok?  Levinson: Physically, fine. Emotionally, questionable.   Everett: I’m going to need more  Levinson: Jennie left. We had an arguement and I took it too far  Levinson: I need to find her before he does 

Never a quiet moment as a King of Boston.  Guess I need to make plans to visit Camden.  

The End 

*

*

*

*

*

*

The Don takes a sip of his scotch as he looks at his phone with the latest princess of the family.  but he also sees a message from the King of Camden 

Camden: I didn’t mean what I said to her.  please help me find her.  

He sighed.  He had two kings settled.  Three to go.  

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@kmc1989

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@lokislady82

[tameodesza]

Love's Maze (BretShawn)

<< Prev. | masterlist

AO3 link

The moment comes where Bret finally meets Shawn's parents

EPILOGUE – 2 Years Later

The sun beamed a soft orange hue as its warmth traveled in the light summer breeze. Shawn’s loose hair danced in the wind, Bret’s being contained in a low ponytail. The couple ascended the mahogany steps of the front porch, Shawn’s hand tightly holding Bret’s left as the older man clenched a bouquet of daisies in his right hand.

It was a big day – the day Bret would meet Shawn’s parents.

Shawn and Bret had come a long way in their two years of dating – two years that Shawn claimed as the best years of his life. All because of the man walking beside him.

Bret was the perfect boyfriend in Shawn’s eyes, always putting Shawn first before himself. Shawn was still getting used to that as he’d been so accustomed to putting himself last for so long.

It’s because of Bret that Shawn learned what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like.

The door of their hotel room slowly creaked open as Shawn made his way into the dimly lit space. As he kicked off his shoes, he said apprehensively, “Sorry for coming back so late.”

Bret set aside the book he’d been reading before getting up from the bed to walk towards Shawn, pulling the blond into a hug once he was within reach. “It’s ok. Did you have fun?”

Shawn knitted his brows, pulling his head back to look at Bret as he asked, “You’re not mad?”

Bret tilted his head, saying with a confused look of his own, “No? You were out with Hunter, right?’

“Yeah. I know I was supposed to be back sooner so we could watch movies. I just lost track of time-”

“Shawn,” Bret stopped him short. “How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to explain yourself to me? I figured you were out enjoying yourself.”

Shawn lowered his eyes from Bret, lips downturned like a scolded child. Bret placed a finger under Shawn’s chin, lightly lifting his head to meet his gaze, saying gently, “I trust you, ok?”

The sincerity in Bret’s tone along with his tender eyes were enough to suffice Shawn’s worries. The blond nodded, saying breathily, “Ok.”

Bret placed a reassuring kiss on Shawn’s temple before whispering, “Let’s go to bed.”

That was early on into their relationship, but Shawn still looked back on the moment warmly. Not only did he learn that it wasn’t normal to always expect an argument, but it was also the first time he truly realized how much Bret trusted him.

Not only did Bret trust him, but he was a very supportive boyfriend. Whether it was helping Shawn with a match, standing up for him against locker room bullies, or just listening to Shawn rant about whoever pissed him off that day. Bret was always there, never failing to build up Shawn when he was tearing himself down, to be the hype man that he needed.

Bret had even been the biggest supporter when Shawn threw out the idea of getting “HBK” tattooed on his ass cheek, which they still got a laugh out of.

“You’re really encouraging him to get that tatted on his ass,” Kevin asked Bret flatly in disbelief.

Kevin, Bret, and Shawn were in the dingy basement of some guy’s house in a shady part of town. It wasn’t the most ideal circumstance, but it was the only way Shawn could have Bret there as moral support without breaking kayfabe.

“Shut up,” Shawn directed at Kevin through clenched teeth in defense of Bret.

The blond rested chest-first on the tattoo table, face pressed firmly against the leather padding as one arm hung off the side of the table, the other pulled towards Bret to interlock their hands. He squinted in discomfort as the sharp needle dug deeper into his fully exposed ass cheek.

Bret rubbed his thumb soothingly on the back of Shawn’s hand before responding to Kevin’s question. “If it makes him happy, then yes. I encourage it.”

Honestly, Bret was a little thrown off when Shawn first suggested the tattoo, but the blond seemed so excited about it. And what type of boyfriend would Bret be to tell him no?

Kevin faked a gag as he said, “You guys make me sick.”

Shawn let out a low whine at the slight pain of the needle, squeezing Bret’s hand for support before saying with a strained voice, “If you’re jealous, just say so. AH! Fuck,” he groaned as the needle lingered on a tender spot.

“It’s ok,” Bret whispered, bringing Shawn’s hand towards his lips to kiss his knuckles. “You’re almost done.”

Despite Kevin’s jokes, he looked on at the couple in adoration, glad that Shawn had someone like Bret in his life.

Shawn was out of action for a few weeks to allow his tattoo to heal. That somehow turned into Bret staying with him for a few weeks in San Antonio to make sure he was taking care of the tattoo properly. It was during those weeks together that the blond almost told Bret that he loved him.

Despite being so content with each other, the couple did experience a few bumps along the way – most notably, Shawn’s drug abuse.

Although he’d slowed down his usage after ending things with Marty, it was a struggle for Shawn to completely wean himself off of pills.

He initially thought he didn’t have a problem. It’s not like he needed them every day.

But whenever memories of his past began to haunt him, Shawn would quickly revert back to his old unhealthy habits, trying to get high enough just to make himself numb. He would shut down in these instances, often distancing himself from Bret both figuratively and literally.

However, the more Shawn tried to create a barrier, the more determined Bret was to not leave his side.

Bret sat on the bathroom floor, cradling Shawn in his arms as the blond cried into his neck. He gently swayed their bodies side-to-side as Shawn came down from a particularly bad high, the relapse being triggered by rumors of Marty returning to the WWF.

“You don’t need them, Shawn,” Bret whispered softly, referring to the pills sitting on the sink.

Shawn sniffed, as another sob racketed through his body, “I do.”

Bret sat back, coaxing Shawn’s head out of his neck before placing both hands firmly on the blond’s cheeks. He rested his forehead onto Shawn’s as he emphasized, “You don’t. Please. Let me help you. Don’t shut me out.”

Shawn closed his eyes, too tired to keep them as he said weakly, “Why am I like this? I don’t like feeling like this, Bret.”

“I know you don’t,” Bret soothed. “I’m here to help.”

“I just don’t get it.” He opened his eyes, backing up a little from Bret as he said almost angrily, “I’m such a fucking mess. Why are you still with me?”

It took just a second for Bret to respond with much conviction, “Because, I love you.”

It was the first time either of them officially said it out loud.

Shawn looked on astonished, asking with a shaky breath, “You love me?”

Bret nodded, tucking an unruly strand of hair behind Shawn’s ear. “Yes, I do. Without a doubt.”

Shawn’s vision became blurrier as Bret’s words settled. Bret tugged the blond closer, guiding his head onto his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him.

Shawn hugged him back just as closely, hands grasping tightly at the back of Bret’s shirt, his mind now occupied with Bret’s confession.

 After taking a moment to calm himself down, Shawn took in a deep breath, letting it out before saying, “I love you, too.”

Shawn couldn’t see it, but Bret was grinning ear-to-ear. It probably wasn’t the most romantic way to discover Shawn loved him back, but Shawn’s never been the most conventional guy.

Bret turned his head slightly to kiss Shawn’s cheek, whispering, “We’re going to get through this, ok? Together.”

It was then that Shawn knew that Bret was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

They’d shared so much of their lives together in the span of a couple of years, but the one thing that was missing was Bret meeting Shawn’s parents.

To be honest, Shawn felt a little guilty that it took this long for it to happen.

He’d had it easy with Bret’s family as he’d met many of the Harts on multiple occasions throughout the business. It had only been a couple of months into them dating when Shawn was invited to spend Christmas in Calgary, being proudly introduced to Bret’s family as his boyfriend.

On the other hand, Shawn’s parents were well-aware of Shawn dating Bret. It was hard not to when nearly every sentence leaving Shawn’s mouth included ‘my boyfriend’ this and ‘my boyfriend’ that.

But as much as Shawn liked to brag about Bret to his family, he was a little hesitant on introducing them, especially with how badly his last relationship ended. It also didn’t help that his dad made it no secret that he believed no man was worthy of his son’s heart, and that the next guy would have a hell of a time proving his worth to him.

That ‘next guy’ being Bret.

Upon reaching the front door of his parents’ home, Shawn turned to Bret, saying with a tender tone, “Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not,” Bret said unconvincingly.

Shawn gave a soft smile as he unlaced their hands to smooth down a crease on Bret’s collar. “You are.”

Bret let out a sigh, bringing Shawn’s hand back into his own as he said, “Ok, maybe I am a little.”

“Aww,” Shawn said with a pout. “It’s going to be ok, babe. I promise. If they get out of line, we’ll leave. Let’s come up with a safe word.”

Bret raised a brow, shaking his head in disapproval. “Shawn, you haven’t seen your parents in five months. I’m not going to be the reason your visit gets cut short.”

Shawn narrowed his eyes as he repeated, “Safe word.” Yes, it had been awhile since he saw his parents, and he missed them dearly, but he had no issues making an abrupt exit if they disrespected Bret.

Seeing that Shawn wasn’t budging, Bret said begrudgingly, “Mushrooms.”

Shawn asked, slightly amused, “Why mushrooms?”

“Because you hate them. Thought it’d give you enough of a clue that I want to get the fuck out of there if need be.”

“Ok,” Shawn said with an affirmative nod. “Mushrooms. Let’s do this.”

Shawn lifted his free hand to knock on the door but halted as if remembering something important. “Oh, and just to let you know, I’m a bit of a daddy’s boy,” he warned. “So try not to be intimidated if my dad goes all ‘protective dad’ mode.”

It was something Shawn probably should have mentioned well in advance instead of seconds before Bret was to meet said dad.

“Oh, lovely,” Bret said uneasily.

Shawn pecked Bret on the cheek for one final confidence boost before ringing the doorbell, the familiar tune barely finishing as the door flung open, the nostalgic scent of the house rushing out as if to welcome Shawn home.

Mrs. Hickenbottom stood at the door, flashing a radiant smile as she jumped for joy, exclaiming, “Is that my Mikey?!”

“Mom!”

Shawn detached his hand from Bret’s, the older man reluctant to let go, before being pulled into a loving embrace by his mom. “Oh, my baby boy. I missed you so much!”

“I miss you, too, Ma,” he said as he pulled away to get a good look at her.

She placed her hands on his cheeks, cooing, “Look at you. Just as handsome as always.”

“Oh, stop smothering the boy,” Shawn hears his dad bellow as he comes up behind his mom.

“Dad!”

Mr. Hickenbottom took his wife’s place, hugging Shawn as if he’d fly away in the wind. “Welcome home, son! I missed having you around here.”

“I missed being around here,” Shawn chuckled, having to blink a few times as he felt his eyes watering. The warmth of his parents’ love never got old.

Shawn backed out of his dad’s embrace as he heard his mom say, “And you must be the ‘Bret’ we’ve been hearing so much about.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bret answered politely as he held out the bouquet of daisies. “These are for you.”

Her face lit up like a kid on Christmas. Shawn rejoined Bret at his side, linking their arms together as he smiled fondly at his mother. He quietly whispered, “See? I told you she’d love them.”

Shawn’s mom was a simple woman to please. But his dad was a different story.

“Oh, these are lovely! Look, honey,” Mrs. Hickenbottom said as she turned towards her husband.

Shawn’s smile faded seeing his dad’s expression, the older man seeming unfazed by the kind gesture. Mr. Hickenbottom walked slowly towards Bret as he looked at him with a stoic expression.

Shawn looked back and forth between the two men, unsure if he should step in. Bret noticed Shawn getting antsy and wanted to put him at ease.

Not wanting to show how nervous he truly was, Bret held out a hand saying, “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

Shawn’s dad looked at the outstretched hand for an uncomfortable moment of time, before finally reaching out his own hand to strongly grip Bret’s in a firm handshake. “Likewise.”

It wasn’t quite a warm welcome, but it was as good of a reaction as Shawn could have hoped for.

Unbeknownst to Shawn, it was pretty surreal for his parents, especially Mr. Hickenbottom, to finally be in front of Bret. Shawn had gushed to them countless times about the man – about how well Bret was treating him, how much Bret cared for him, how much he loved him.

And it’s not that they weren’t happy about that. They truly were, but they’d all heard it before with Marty.

In essence, Bret was paying for the crimes of another man, and getting into the good graces of the Hickenbottoms was going to be an uphill battle. But Bret was willing to go through it all for Shawn.

After the awkward handshake, Mrs. Hickenbottom looked at the young couple, noting, “You two look so cute together.”

The men both gave soft smiles, Shawn’s cheeks reddening as he and Bret shared a loving look with each other.

Unfortunately, Shawn’s dad didn’t seem to have the same sentiment, the older man huffing as he turned to walk back into the house.

Shawn looked at his dad’s retreating back with a frown, not loving the way the man was acting. But he was pulled from his thoughts when Bret gave his hand a squeeze in reassurance, a sign that he could handle this. But there was only so much Shawn was willing to let slide without saying something if his dad kept up this act.

Mrs. Hickenbottom either didn’t notice the tension or decided to ignore it as she brightly said, “Well, come on inside, boys! Hope you’re hungry. We’re just about done setting up the dinner table.”

Despite the rough start, dinner was actually pleasant. Or as pleasant as it could be with Shawn leading the conversation between his parents and Bret, his mom engaging in most of the conversation while his dad sat quietly observing everyone at the table. Mainly Bret.

It was towards the end of dinner that Shawn became worried when his dad suddenly asked Bret, “Hey, can I talk to you outside?”

Shawn’s fork stopped midway to his mouth as he froze, alarmed at the thought of his dad being alone with Bret. He quipped, “You can just talk to him right here, Dad.”

“I just need a moment for a one-on-one, son. Guy talk.”

“But I’m a guy, too!”

Bret placed a gentle hand on Shawn’s arm saying, “It’s fine. I’ll be right back.”

“But-” Before Shawn could finish, both men were already out of their seats, making their way towards the front door.

Shawn looked at his mom for some sort of help, but she didn’t seem too concerned.

As soon as he heard the front door close, Shawn shot up from his chair, hastily making his way to the door. He pressed his ear up against it in hopes of hearing something. Anything! He needed to be sure that Bret was ok.

However, his plans were foiled when he felt a sudden pinch and tug on his left ear. His mom dragged him away from the door as she lectured, “Michael Shawn Hickenbottom, didn’t we teach you better than to eavesdrop?! Now, let them be and come help me clear the table!”

Shawn whined the whole way to the kitchen, reluctantly listening to his mother as he was pulled further away from Bret.

Outside on the porch, the air was thick as the two men stood by each other, staring ahead with tense expressions.

Mr. Hickenbottom broke the silence by asking, “I need to know, and answer me honestly. What are your intentions with my son?”

It was one of many things he’d wanted to ask Bret a soon as he laid eyes on the man. But he knew it would have been nearly impossible to ask any tough questions with Shawn around.

Bret furrowed his brows, turning to look at Mr. Hickenbottom, the elder man keeping his face forward as he answered, “It’s my intention to make him happy. And to be with him for as long as he’ll allow me.”

“Hmm,” Mr. Hickenbottom said, unimpressed. “Are you serious about him?”

“Of course.”

Mr. Hickenbottom then turned towards Bret, narrowing his eyes as if he didn’t believe a word coming out of the man’s mouth. He said with much bitterness, “The last idiot my son was with said the same thing. All nothing but empty promises. I’m sure Shawn’s told you all about him.”

“He did, sir.”

“He left my son in a state I never want to see him in again. You can understand that, right?”

Mr. Hickenbottom was still haunted by the memory of Shawn being strung out on whatever drugs he took to ease the pain, his own heart breaking at witnessing his son’s demise. He never wanted Shawn to have to experience that again.

Bret nodded because he did understand. He’d seen how broken Shawn was after Marty, and that was only the half of it. He could only imagine the state of mind Shawn was in when he visited his parents fresh after the breakup. He felt Shawn’s dad had every right to be skeptical of him.

Mr. Hickenbottom then asked, “Do you even know my son? I mean really know him?”

The accusatory tone of the question caught Bret by surprise, the man getting defensive and a little offended that Mr. Hickenbottom was acting as if their relationship were only superficial.

Feeling the need to prove himself, Bret answered matter-of-factly, “He bites his nails when he’s nervous. It’s a problem he’s had since he was a child. His favorite color’s red. He hates mushrooms with a passion. He claims he loves horror movies but can only watch them with a pillow blocking half his face.”

Mr. Hickenbottom tilted his head inquisitively as Bret rattled off a list of things he’d grown to learn and love about Shawn.

“He has a huge sweet tooth, but surprisingly has only had one cavity in his life. He dreams of living on a ranch when he retires. He loves his family and hopes to have a family of his own someday. He-” Bret hesitates before saying, “He looks up to you a lot. He aspires to have a relationship as loving and long-lasting as yours and your wife’s. And he hopes to be just as great of a dad as you are to his own kids.”

The older man stood still, mouth slightly agape as Bret revealed details about Shawn that he hadn’t known. He tried not to show it, but he was impressed.

“Anything else I don’t know, I’ll learn along the way. But regardless of how long he and I have been together, I know him very well.”

A silent moment stretched on, the only sound coming from the faint chirping of the crickets outside.

Mr. Hickenbottom gave Bret a final hard look before letting out a sigh, his demeanor seeming to soften as he said, “Look, I’m not trying to come off as a hard ass. It’s just that when it comes to Shawn, my baby boy, I worry about him. He’s been through so much pain, too much. All I want is to see him smile, for him to find someone who will love him and be committed to him.”

Bret listened intently, knowing exactly where the man was coming from. “I agree with you on that. All of it. So I’m telling you, man to man, that I do love Shawn. I take him and our relationship very seriously. I wouldn’t be meeting his parents if he didn’t.”

Though Mr. Hickenbottom appeared to be lightening up, the older man seemed to still have his reservations. So Bret decided to be completely honest.

Bret cleared his throat, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he said, “I was married once.”

Mr. Hickenbottom certainly wasn’t expecting to hear that, the man’s brows raising slightly in surprise.

“For nine years. I know all too well the pain of heartbreak, of having your trust broken by someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Shawn and I could relate on that. Sir, I can confidently say to you that I’d never put Shawn through that type of pain, as I wouldn’t want the same for myself.”

The elder man went quiet as he processed what Bret had revealed, not knowing what to say. He found his transparency to be admirable, and it became apparent to him that there’s more to Bret than what meets the eye.

Bret then asked, “Sir, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You know about mazes, right?”

Mr. Hickenbottom was unsure on how to answer, the question seeming to come out of left field. Skeptical that it was a trick question, he answered carefully, “Yes?”

“I’ve always had this analogy that love is like a maze. You start out with so much confidence, hyping yourself up to believe it’s easy to navigate. But all it takes is one wrong turn into unchartered territory to lose that confidence, to question if you should accept defeat with your head hung low. But if you don’t give up, remain level-headed, and use every wrong turn as a learning experience, it’s inevitable that you’ll reach that reward at the end. Shawn’s that reward for me, sir. And knowing how hard it was to get to this point, I never intend on letting him go.”

Mr. Hickenbottom was left in awe, finding the analogy to be a very insightful and optimistic take on love. It was a vow, a promise, that regardless of how many hard times or ‘wrong turns’ they’d encounter, Bret was in it for the long run.

For the first time that evening, Shawn’s dad was put at ease, relieved even, that Bret was the man his son had chosen to carry on his life with.

Mr. Hickenbottom stretched out a hand towards Bret, shaking his hand as he said earnestly, “Please take care of my son.”

The request was simple, but it had a deeper meaning. He approved of their relationship.

Bret answered just as sincerely, “I will.”

Shawn practically flew to Bret as soon as the front door opened, looking the man over as if expecting to see an injury.

His dad grumbled, “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. I didn’t hurt the boy!”

“Better not have,” Shawn moped as he latched himself onto Bret, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck, Bret bringing his hands onto Shawn’s waist.

Mr. Hickenbottom excused himself to the kitchen to go check on his wife. When his dad was out of sight and hearing range, Shawn looked at Bret whispering, “What did you guys talk about?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Bret taunted.

Shawn whined, “Hey, don’t tease me.”

Bret grinned, pecking Shawn on the lips before saying, “Sorry, baby. It was a good talk. So don’t stress about it. He just wanted to know my intentions-”

“Uh, he’s so embarrassing,” Shawn groaned. “Was he mean to you?”

Bret quickly refuted, “No. Concerned, yes. But understandably so. Who wouldn’t be if some random Canadian came to snatch up a son as beautiful as you?”

A bashful smile involuntarily made its way onto Shawn’s face, the blond hiding into Bret’s shoulder in retreat. “Stop it.”

Bret smiled down at Shawn, tightening his arms around him, both men unaware of Shawn’s parents looking on at them fondly.

The rest of the evening went on without hitch – Shawn curling up next to Bret on the couch as his parents told embarrassing stories about him, Bret promising to come back the next time Shawn decided to visit, and Shawn’s parents having a newfound appreciation and respect for the man that would be in their son’s life for many years to come.

[unforeseen-idiot]

Emperor Pickletein Rides the Bus

Oh boy, the grand finale of a grand series. To be honest Princess Labelmaker is more of a climax to the series than this book is, but that’s ok. I like to think of this book as a great epilogue, just helping our favorite characters get to their happy endings and giving us some fun stories along the way. This book is interesting since it’s a story being told in semi-real time. At least the case file follows one singular day and some of its entries happen in real time. This is just a cool idea and helps keep things fresh. Anyway though this book also focuses on our main 7th graders even though Remi and Murky get little chapters of their own (some more fulfilling than others *sob). Dwight and Kellen are fun in this book since they basically just vibe the whole time, absolutely no drama whatsoever (I mean Kellen did the paper airplane thing and got mad at Lance, but Dwight was perfect). Some fun stories include Sara’s first chapter with her field trip haikus (I’m not really surprised that Sara writes haikus), the tragedy of Mrs. Porterfield and the TURTLE, Sara again, getting Rhondella to stop texting her Bib Fortuna boyfriend, and made you look because it’s just so accurate to middle school. I liked the use of Fruit-i-gami Yoda since it kinda helped show that our main cast doesn’t really need Origami Yoda anymore and neither does Dwight, he was there for a few final bits of advice to finish the character arcs but he wasn’t as common. This serves to my theory that as the story of the books go on the kids need Origami Yoda less and less (when the series starts every chapter is dedicated to a kid asking for advice but now Origami Yoda is hardly even present) and Dwight, who I think used him as a way to relate to his classmates that couldn’t understand him, is now ready to let go of him since he has a support system now and people who have grown to appreciate and understand him. It’s honestly a great character arc that I definitely couldn’t pick up on as a kid. And with that we have Harvey who carries around Pickletein, an annoying jag who just serves piss everyone off. I remember starting this book thinking why is Harvey doing this, he’s on our side now. But then I actually thought to answer my question, why is Harvey doing this, and I realized (like Tommy does later) that Harvey has similar mental processes to Dwight but handles them differently. He has a lot of passion and emotion, but it goes unnoticed since like Dwight, people don’t really understand Harvey. I think that Harvey sees Dwight adjusting to life, but Harvey still hasn’t and can’t understand why, if Dwight can do it why can’t he. So he makes Pickletein so he can have some way of relating to the world on this field trip. But when he keeps pissing people off on this field trip they all get rightfully mad at him and it’s all building in him, finally when Tommy gets kissed by Sara he just can’t take it anymore and punches him, and he immediately regrets it because he’s not a bad person, just emotional and confused, and when Tommy forgives him that’s the understanding he needs to finally find peace in himself and gain the same support system that Dwight has. Ok I realize I may be reading to much into that and I don’t have any basis for this knowledge, but it’s how I see it and I think it’s a great character arc for the both of them. Back to the fluffier stuff, the astronaut ice cream thing was hilarious throughout its time, and the fact that it paid off so well kills me every time. Amy and Lanlan have the funniest and realest time ever in this book, honestly Amy is so real in this book. The great respect given to the Bell X-1. Freaking Mr. Good Clean Fun. The ending showing how everyone has grown into better people thanks to Dwight and Origami Yoda (and that Dwight really hasn’t changed, rather the people around him changed for the better), and that Origami Yoda is in fact real I believe it. In conclusion, thank you Tom Angleberger for creating an amazing series and ending it properly.

[vimesbootstheory]

i am right there with u on being disappointed by 'a long way to a small angry planet' - it just sort of happened and then was over. it felt so shallow and i was left sort of just, that was it?

some cool worldbuilding? i guess? but the characters were so... there? and nothing felt tense really except briefly in bursts. lik kind of boring episodes of a tv show which then had a finale where none of the main characters instigated or helped with the big blow up or tried to stop it or evn really knew what was happening (its been a couple months since i read, but lik, thats the vibe i remember)

like i kept waiting for it to ramp up, but it felt lik all setup/backstory or lik all epilogue? idk but it never got off the ground imo. just taxied around the airport

Taxiing around the airport is a perfect analogy, yeah thanks anon. I actually haven't finished it, I'm about three quarters through, but no worries about spoilers, I don't care about this book enough for that to matter

I feel like chambers really loved the bits of an RPG game (... again, mass effect lol) where you can optionally ask a character about all their species/culture lore, forgetting that you gotta embed that shit into an actual story, or else all you've done is write a lore bible with quotation marks around things. World building is nothing if you don't hang it over a story.

The most amusing part so far is when they got boarded by some ostensible bad guys, and I was hyped, like wow some actual conflict showed up like 40% into the book, amazing. But then they just have a conversation with the main guy and work out a deal where everyone's pretty happy, and the one guy who got kinda hurt talked out all his feelings with the other crewmates who all have hidden psych degrees apparently and it's all fine

Also the one fly in the ointment about rosemary and her ~hidden past~ and then she admits it to someone and they're like "what's the problem though" and I'm here like "I'M SAYING, there ISN'T ONE". There are no problems. Everyone loves each other and everything works out ok with no real effort on anyone's part.

[aces-and-angels]

I’ve loved reading your ILW playthrough thoughts, especially Matty! I did all his variants because I’ve wanted a villain romance story from PB forever. Matthias is so well written. I felt completely fed! I found the betrayal route with MC and Matty living together to be the most satisfying for me. If I was going to be bad I wanted to see it play out fully. It was intriguing to see the villain have one weakness and it be MC. Matty lived his whole life obsessed with the Power and alone because of it. Then he found the one being who made him actually sacrifice his obsession at times so they could live their best “Power Couple” life. When Matty was willing to literally jump into the fire for MC I was like “Evil Daddy really is whipped huh?!”. Lol! The team gave us such a perfect “us against the world” storyline, even tossing in the potential for a divorce because that was classic overly dramatic MC/Matthias, haha! I loved it. I loved all the toxicity that was their dynamic. I’m glad that one of his variants was them sipping cocktails on the beach because that’s what I saw them doing in my mind if they won against Loha.

ANON- YOU ARE GIVING ME LIFE RN; thank youuu 🥰🥰🥰

This was such a nice message to receive ♥ As much as I loved playing through the game itself, writing up my thoughts on the story was equally, if not, more enjoyable to do. ILW is such an engaging story made by very talented individuals who put their whole ass chests into making it possible. Since I can't legally give any of them money, I thought at the very least I could share my thoughts lol

I've had a bit more time to digest Matthias' route in its entirety and have come up with more things to say (even tho I had titled that post as my 'final thoughts'- bit presumptuous of me- I don't think ILW is getting out of my head any time soon lmao) Plus, this gives me the opportunity to do a deep dive on a successful betrayal route😊I'll add a 'read more' section bc I got a tad carried away while writing it lol

So for anyone interested:

an impromptu final thoughts on the ilw finale: matthias edition pt. 2

(ch 23 spoilers below... and I guess above too... just avert your eyes lol)

---

First, I'm with you anon- we were desperately owed a villain story from PB. I can't think of many choices books that give players the autonomy to determine an MC's status as a hero/villain. There are definitely choices that you can make throughout their books that are deemed 'incorrect,' but when boiled down, the MCs generally are the same flavor personality-wise. Not saying playing the 'good guy' isn't enjoyable- it certainly can be if the story is engaging enough- but when that's your only option, it's very easy to grow tired of it.

The amount of ways Matthias' route can turn out is in itself very impressive. The several ways you can interpret Rowan in each of these scenarios is just as satisfying. (The juxtaposition of a genuine!Ro with a character like Matthias is wild- I'm still not over the divorce lol)

Anon, you made very interesting point on Matthias choosing to give up his obsession with the Power. I'd like to counter and say that he never did. (not saying you're wrong at all anon- as I mentioned before in other posts- players are free to decide how the story ends however they want). It is certainly plausible that Matthias is truly happy with Rowan. The language seen throughout the epilogue displays a clear devotion and inexplicable bond between the pair.

Your hearts beat as one, and you feel him even when he's not around. His power calls to yours in a way that makes your heart beat faster and you always ache to touch him. There are no words for the feelings you have for each other. Even to call them feelings seem trivial, since your love is now a foundational part of both of you. It's there, as solid and necessary as your heart and soul.

I think it's important to remember who Rowan and Matthias are at the end of ILW (in this route): the Power itself contained within a human vessel. So I see it more as Matthias' obsession simply changing its form rather than him giving it up for the sake of being with Rowan. As I said in my previously, there are always strings attached when it comes to Matthias' love/devotion. Some sort of condition that must be met. Rowan just happened to turn into the thing he desired most.

In the past two 'finale thoughts' posts I've written, I speculated what I believe will happen beyond the epilogue with Ro and whoever they end up with. Simply trying to answer the question, will they last?

To briefly recap my answers in the posts I've made so far in case yall haven't seen those-

Abel x Rowan (mixed route): maybe

Amalia x Rowan (blood route): forever and evah bby (and then a little bit after that)

My answer for Matthias x Rowan: not. a. chance. Here's why:

Going back to your message anon- Matthias and Rowan's relationship is toxic. No ifs ands or buts about it. When I think of these two together, the words that immediately pop into my head are:

Destructive

Violent

All-consuming

Volatile

I want to highlight this scene at the end of ch 22:

You grin, wide and satisfied... but then a new thought comes unbidden to your mind. Why should you have to share this glorious power with him? What does he matter? Who is her in comparison to you? That Power, that euphoric beautiful endless Power, it could all be yours. You're everything, an endless raging sea of power. What does this pitiful creature matter to you? - You turn to fully face Matthias, a manic grin plastered to his face. - Matthias: Is it whispering the same things to you as it is to me? Rowan: Yes. Matthias: Are you going to kill me, love?

You can argue that his refusal to kill Ro for sole ownership of the Power is enough to prove his unyielding loyalty towards them. But Matthias is first and foremost a self-serving character. If he had the same thought as Ro once, there's a very good chance that thought could pop up again. No way can an eternity go by without that thought creeping up in either of their minds.

What is required to bring their relationship to life brings the rest of the world down to its knees. For the rest of the gang in ch 23, Rowan and Matthias are an unstoppable force. The only thing that can stop them is each other. I think the epilogue more than hints at their fiery end by showing the literal destruction of their newly 'purchased' mansion during their... ahem... well y'know 😏

Rowan: I can't believe we broke everything. Matthias: Really? Because I most certainly can. --- Rowan: Do you think there's anything in this room we haven't broken? Matthias: Actually, I don't think we ever made it to the couch. Rowan: That's too bad. Matthias: Just give it a moment, my dear. We'll soon fix that.

A mansion that Ro decides they want on a whim- destined to be reduced to rubble. What happens when Rowan and Matthias are left with the world at their fingertips?

It burns. And when the world burns, they too will burn with it. (If you can't tell, I recently re-watched the Hunger Games on Netflix lmaooo)

Ending on a quote from ATLA bc Matthias ain't ever beating these fire nation allegations:

"I had a pupil once who had no interest in learning discipline. He was only concerned with the power of Fire, how he could use it to destroy his opponents and wipe out the obstacles in his path. But Fire is a horrible burden to bear. Its nature is to consume. And without control, it destroys everything around it. Learn restraint or risk destroying yourself and everything you love." -Jeong Jeong

---

If yall are still reading this, what's good gang? ILW's main blog has an ongoing poll on which route players chose going into the final chapter. So far, it looks like the Blood route is winning. I'll be a bit nosier and ask a follow-up question. Good way to see how many people really made it to the end

[amtrak12]

Ooph, calling my current fic struggles “middle book syndrome” is just... Too Accurate. I don’t like it. I don’t want it to feel like a middle book! I want it to be a good story!

Though, I do understand that the true purpose of Books 2 and 3 are to entertain the readers who aren’t ready to leave my world behind. Because Book 1 honestly can stand entirely on its own! I don’t need sequels! I designed it that way on purpose because I have the epilogue of toddler Rory returning home to a changed timeline so the reader knows the happy ending. What they don’t know is how we got there. They don’t need to know that. It really doesn’t matter. But I thought it would be fun to explore Lucifer and Chloe taking the long way to meet back up with their daughter, because the last we see of S3 Lucifer and Chloe is them grief-stricken over saying goodbye to their daughter.

And by god I want to explore that grief. This isn’t like canon where Chloe is already pregnant with Rory when they say goodbye to their adult daughter. This is S3. It’s going to be years before they see her again. YEARS. They had their toddler daughter for two months! They were fully adjusted to being coparents and now their daughter is just -- gone. I want to eat that angst with a spoon like it’s ice cream with chocolate syrup and rainbow sprinkles. It’s fucking delicious!

There’s also the fun awkwardness of them still not being a romantic couple but they know they’re going to have a daughter in the future. That’s not going to put any weird pressure on them that will mess with their heads! :P And I want to explore that too, so that’s the other purpose of the sequels. Just allowing me to continue playing in this universe. It is purely self-indulgent for both me and the readers.

Doesn’t mean I want it to suffer middle book syndrome, though. I do think the grief exploration will make it compelling enough to not feel like a middle book. The real problem comes from incorporating the S4 plot into this. Sure I could ignore it, obviously. But I’ve decided I do want Lucifer to have to go back to Hell for a bit, because I absolutely adore the idea of Book 3 opening with it being a year exactly before Rory is meant to be born, and Lucifer’s not on Earth. That sounds delicious and is perfect given that the final scene of the series will be Chloe learning she’s pregnant. Now the main plot of Book 3 is them trying to confirm the timeline has been changed because they both want to ensure Lucifer will be there to raise Rory. They have no idea the timeline has already changed. All they know is the few things Rory mentioned have all happened. So they focus on stopping the one thing that hasn’t happened yet: Dan’s death. (Hence the title: Save the Douche, Save the World.) (The readers will already know Dan lives thanks to Book 1′s epilogue but that’s not the point. The point is the characters don’t know that.)

So, yeah I need the demon invasion still and I’m actually good with keeping the rabid priest and his prophecy because I’m moving up Chloe learning she’s a gift from God to the S4 era in this series, and prophecies mesh well with free will struggles from a thematic standpoint. Eve comes back to Earth for this too. Her storyline will obviously go differently from canon but I’m not sure exactly what journey it takes yet. So that’s some of the cloudiness I’m dealing with. I also want to foreshadow Michael’s push to become God, but it is going to stay at foreshadowing. I thought about pulling him into a more active role early, but I’ve ruled that out now.

... Though if I’m having Abel be the first soul to make it from Hell to Heaven... and that’s happening in Book 1.... Maybe I don’t need a demon invasion to pull Lucifer back to Hell....

Okay thank you everyone for letting me talk to thin air! I now have something productive to think about! :D

[slowdripsunrise]

okay updating on my reading spoilers under the cut

after the stone sky, i read minor detail by adania shibli ! god this book was heavy and impactful. the first part, told from the pov of an israeli general (? not sure i think he was a general) was fucking rough to get through but i do think it's necessary to really grasp the gravity of the situation. i don't think the book is perfect, i do wish there was more in the second part of the story, but it being so short i loved it for what it was and what it set out to do. i do think everyone should read it.

after that i wanted something lighter, and i read descendant of the crane by joan he ! read it super quickly, i new going into it that there was a big twist at the end but not what, so i think part of what kept me going so fast was knowing i would get to some big reveal. like i did guess at a lot of the smaller plot twist but. that last one well !! definitely did not think a book ya especially would end that way it did surprise me and i did like it. the characters were fun however do i remember their names. nope not even a little bit. it was entertaining and i liked it and i will probs remember the ending but it wasn't life changing.

next and finally i read (literally just finished 10 minutes ago i mean) house of roots and ruin by erin a craig. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hooo boy okay so i have read the first one of the series and i did like it it was a fun time i don't remember basically anything from it tho. good thing its not necessary to remember to read this one because oohhhh my god. okay maybe my feelings will change once i settle down and it sits with me for a bit but ohh my god this was good. the first half of the book is definitely a slow burn but the second half is so worth it like fawwwk. this one wasn't as creepy or scary as the first maybe just cuz i'm less wigged out by plants than the main character is but. it was still so good !!!!! like there were definitely some cringe lines like its ya i get it and i feel like it's more on the romance heavy side, like a lot of it is focused on like marriage and courtship and such. and i liked verity and alex together they were sweet. the plot twists at the end were crazy and they were surprising if a little bit. like not silly but just like. a bit preposterous like it wasnt too much but shit just kept happening where its like okay okay hang on lets slow down a little. viktor and his violence and rage and powers and such i feel like weren't explored enough to warrant his actions at the end of the book, like i know he has reasons to act the way he does but we just didn't see it. actually well i saw the anger but not the more calculated and cunningness of him. the parts that want to take over chauntililie or however its spelled. BUT. LITERALLY THE LAST SENTENCE OF THE LAST CHAPTER. FUCKING GOT ME. FAWWKKK FUCKING FLOORED ME. i gasped out loud like shit fuck oh god. HIS LEGS??? brother. fawk. and then the epilogue like shiiiiiiiiit. okay. okay goddamn i see it. i see you. part of me is like oh my god i need more like fawk. and another part of me respects the hustle. like yeah you can just leave us like that i respect the storytelling aspects of it and welll yeah. fuck. like the ending is kind of perfect even if i want more like yeahhhhhhh. anyways i have to go happy reading.

[4shfur]

alitm was such a book idk if i can fit all my thoughts into one post im on mobile and it wont let me put the little red more things so this is your warning, i have the post tagged but still, be warned there are major spoilers for alitm

anyways i loved alitm this may not be a popular opinion but i thought it was amazing and a perfect end to the series. it fucking broke me oh my god. on one hand it was amazing writing and i loved it ON THE OTHER HAND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT THAT SAD.

bristlefrost im so sorry i ever said anything bad aboutyou you are the paragon of perfection, the best cat in the whole world and i hope they name 50 cats after you.

i want to imagine bristlefrosts death ended up sort of like the epilogue of firewing. she wont be in starclan but shes still there in spirit and shes always watching over the clans. i am 100% sure she knew that rootspring was willing to chabge clans for her, i think they both did and GODAMNIT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY AND HAD KITS. i have cried 5 times since i read it. her death scene was beautiful, so poetic and i loved it and i hated it. BUT THEY KEPT ON PILING ON THE GRIEF. its tearing me to shreds to think tht shes not even in starclan, she gave up her life, her spirit, and her future with rooyspring to save the clans and for that she has earned a place in my favorite warriors cats.

shadowsight also was great this book, im so happy about how everything was tied up at the end, i was worried the erins wouldnt do it but i thought it was great and im so glad shdowisght can just move on.

graystripes death was sad but also im so glad he gets to be with his family again, he and firestar were so gay this book. speaking of firestar im so glad they brought back his personality from the first arc. he kicked darkstripes ass and he kicked it good. im so glad they brought back how his main perosnality traits were 1. loved violence and 2. really fucking petty and nosy

also i am convinced. I AM CONVINCED. that the scene at the end where rootspring tries to reach bristlefrost and sees the image of them under a willow tree? and with their kits? and runjing through the forest? thats bristlefrost. it has to be. it cant just be a coincidence that she also imagined them under a willow tree, and with three kits, and running through the forest. it cannot be.

im sorta disappointed that snowtuft didnt get a proper death scene, but it was cool that we got to see other dark forest cats. i thought ashfur was a really great villain still, and i LOVED the scene where needletsil and violetshine beat the shit out of darktail. he totally deserved it.

im sad squirrelflight wasnt in the final battle though. the speech graystripe gave from her was great but also i think she shoulve given it herself.

im so happy theyre changing the code, its long overdue. i think the lesson of this book is that bristlefrost is the best and everyone should love her. she should have been on the cover. bramblestar barely even showed up

i loved her sacfrifice, it really was worth it and it was beautifully written, but also im getting way to worked up over this and im fucking miserable that shell never gt to see that it was her who saved the clans, it was her determination that inspired dark forest cats to fight on their side, and it was her loved with rootspring that encouraged them to change the code. shes so wonderful and i loved her so much. bristleforts is the only warrior cat ever.

over all 12/10 just for bristlefrost. i might follow up on this post

[dreamescapeswriting]

One Summer In Paris ~ Finale ~ JJK [M]

WORD COUNT: 4.7K

GENRE: Fluffy, romance, ex-lovers to lovers, 

PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem!Reader

DESCRIPTION: Jeon Jungkook had always loved Paris with its amazing views, incredible museums and the small Bookshop right across from the Effiel Tower. It was were he spent a lot of his summer breaks as a kid so he loved it well into his adulthood. There was one bookshop he rented a room in the summer that changed his life. It was a place where he felt happy and at peace whenever he had the chance to stay there. Where he fell in love for the first time and had his first heartbreak, a lot of firsts for him were in Paris. But what happens when he goes back to the same book shop four years later and finds the love of his life in the arms of another with a daughter who looks suspiciously like him…

THEMES: SMUT CHAPTER Single Parent, Jungkook x Fem!Reader, self insert, Smut will be included in a later chapter

MASTERLIST || PREVIOUS || EPILOGUE

After a week of the boys being in Paris the news that Jungkook was a father was being spread throughout the internet and world through the corrected sources this time though. He had to do a formal interview with a magazine company who worked for BigHit and were under their payroll so that the right things were being spoken about. No-one was allowed to just come up to you or Areum in the street or there would be some serious consequences. The relationship between you and Jungkook was never announced since neither of you knew what was happening just yet. As far as the media was concerned you were close friends just raising your daughter to the best of your abilities.

After some investigating everything came to light on how Jungkook was found, it was a mixture of some teenage girl tweeting out a video asking if anyone else thought it looked like Jungkook as well as an “unknown” source. The unknown source came to light as David who’s ego had been bruised too badly that he decided to take it out on both you and Jungkook. Calling everyone he thought of, telling magazines online that he knew where Jungkook was. After one person saw it with the first photograph the teen had tweeted out the news spread like wildfire. David got what was coming to him though, Bighit were suing him for slander against Jungkook.

 All of the magazines painted him as the good guy who had no idea that his daughter existed and you were painted to be the girl who didn't know who Jungkook was at the time of the relationship, it was easier and less messy that way. The world didn't need to know all of the details about your lives together, they didn't need to know every aspect of what you and Jungkook went through. 

"What are you thinking about?" Jungkook questioned when he saw you looking at Areum with Taehyung and Namjoon - they were playing dress-up after just getting back from Disney land that day. The boys had insisted on taking her - along with guards so no one would bother them. 

"How different her life is going to be now." You admitted as Jungkooked wrapped his arms around your body and laid his chin on your shoulder. Things with Jungkook had been a little on and off for the last week neither of you had enough time or space to talk about what was happening. You acted like a real couple but you weren't enterally sure what you were since he was famous...The father of your daughter but it didn't mean you were or weren't dating. 

"Jungkook what-" 

"Let me take you out tonight," You spoke at the same time but you stopped your sentence first and stared into his eyes wondering what to say to him, you were going to ask him what you were together but now he was asking you out on a date.

"What-What?" You stuttered out turning your whole body to look at him this time ignoring everyone else that was in the room with you. 

"Let me take you out, just you and me...Please?" Jungkook had been trying to think of a way to talk to you about life and how things were going to be from now on all week and this was the only way he could think of doing it properly. He'd put so much thought into everything and he was finally ready to have a serious conversation about it all. 

"I didn't think you were allowed to go out publically." You whispered as you thought back to his manager telling him off for trying to sneak out a couple of nights ago. He shrugged his shoulders looking over at his manager who was reading through what everyone was thinking of Jungkook and his family on his tablet. That was what you were, you were a family even if you weren't together anymore...or yet. Some fans had reacted better than others, others claimed that you were faking, Areum wasn't truly his but if anyone took the time to look at Areum or spend time with her they would be able to tell she was in fact related to Jungkook. 

"I'm not but, who said it has to be public...Trust me okay? I'll make this all perfect." You sighed thinking about it for a second, it would be nice to get out of the hotel you seemed to have been stuck in all week. Management had moved you in once the scandal dropped, the shop had been closed since - you wondered what Grace had been thinking about all of this but at the same time after what she told you about what she said to Jungkook, a part of you didn't care.

"I trust you," He smiled leaning forward to kiss your cheek before he made his way over to their manager, you watched him for a couple of seconds before deciding to go and rescue Namjoon and Taehyung from the makeup your daughter had gotten that day. 

"My little princess seems to have turned the princes into princesses." You giggled as you swooped Areum up into your arms and blew a raspberry onto her shoulder playfully, she screamed wildly shouting that you were a dragon trying to steal the princess away. 

"We'll save you!" Taehyung announced loudly pulling out a fake foam sword as he started to hit you on the leg with it but you laughed evilly and ran away with Areum.

Jungkook kept his hands over your eyes as he leads you through the bookshop, you knew where he was taking you since you both had to run away from the hotel while the boys distracted the manager.

"Fuck," You groaned as your arm came into contact with the fifth bookshelf in a row, Jungkook hissed as he flinched. He didn't mean to bang you into every shelf in the shop, in his head this had gone over a lot smoother.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he carefully sat you down on the blanket he had laid out for you already. He'd snuck off to the bookshop earlier that afternoon to make sure everything was ready and now he could finally bring you back here. He was trying to recreate one of your dates together and have it be a nice little surprise. 

"You can open them in a second, hang on." He made sure your eyes were closed before rushing off to turn the main lights off in the store. 

"Open," Your eyes slowly fluttered open and you looked around at the shop floor letting your eyes adjust to the dim lighting. You were snuggled in between two bookshelves, a picnic blanket was on the floor surrounded by small battery-operated candles you knew what he was doing the second you saw it all. 

"Jungkook-" You looked up at him and that was when you spotted the fairy lights lining the top of the shelves to look like a starry night sky. You gasped as your eyes began to well up with tears, he was recreating a night you spent out by the river under the stars. You'd fallen asleep in his arms and he had to carry you home, it was also the night you gave him a tattoo. A small one on his arm just above the inside of his elbow, your initials.

"I got all your favourite foods as well if they're still your favourite. I mean I don't know if you changed it I heard that pregnancy can sometimes effect-" He was cut off when you kissed his lips softly to stop him from nervously rambling on about the food inside of the picnic basket. 

When you pulled away from his lips you looked into his eyes and whispered to him

"This is perfect," He began turning a bright red which made you giggle at the thought that a simple and small kiss could do that to him. It was good to know that you still had that kind of effect on him. 

"Thanks for this," You whispered again as he handed you a small plate and began to load it up with different foods you'd told him you loved before. 

Hours later you were just laying together talking over things when he asked you a question, 

"Do you remember our last date...Before I left?" You were both laying on the floor staring up at the fairy lights, your head was resting on his arm as he questioned you on random things about his time there. The date had been going amazingly so far, there were no phone calls from the boys, no one had tried to interrupt you and it just felt as though nothing had changed over the last four years. As if he hadn't been away and there was a huge fight with one another. It was exactly the way it was supposed to be. How things should have stayed if you had told him. 

"Was that the one where we came back and slept in front of the fireplace?" You questioned him as you popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth, he hummed while nodding his head at you. 

"Yeah I remember it," You started giggling as you remembered Jungkook that night. He'd been so nervous about something that he'd knocked wine all over the floor and all down your dress. 

"You covered me in red wine," You started laughing again and he nervously laughed about it scratching the back of his neck as he remembered it, 

"I was going to tell you that night that I loved you...Then I was going to come clean about who I was...I was always going to tell you, Y/n." Your heart stopped as you heard him admitting this to you. All these years you thought that he never told you because he didn't trust you or something, 

"You were?" He nodded his head as he started to play with your hair, he couldn't bring himself to look at you as he admitted all of this. 

"I was so nervous about it that I spilt drinks, my palms were sweating and I couldn't breathe. I told you when you were asleep though," He chuckled pathetically making his chest rise and fall, you turned to lay on your side facing him and put your head on his chest just laying there as you giggled softly. 

"Doesn't really count if I'm asleep," He smiled weakly as he began rubbing your lower back with his hand just enjoying his time with you while he could. 

The two of you sat there in silence for a few more seconds before you looked down at the floor beside him and bit your lip, 

"I didn't know I was pregnant when I saw you last...I said it to hurt you...I-I didn't know." He looked at you as you began to frown at the floor, 

"I knew you weren't like that so I figured as much." You sniffled a little and sat up as you looked at him seriousness coming into the atmosphere now. 

"I-I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how to get into contact with you." He watched as you seemed to look in pain as you told him this, it had been something that had been weighing on your chest for a while since you told him that and you hated yourself for doing it to him. 

"We didn't really end on good terms...I should have tried to contact you as well...I really do love you Y/n-" He stopped as he realised he said "love" instead of the past tense. It was true. He'd been in love with you since the moment he laid eyes on you, he'd never believed in love at first sight until then. He'd always had it set in his mind that when he met the love of his life he would hear alarm bells but instead of alarm bells when he met you it was the church bells and a whole choir singing loudly so he could hear and know it was you.

"I-I love you too." Your eyes were wide at first but you knew it was true, there was no one else that you could ever love more than Jungkook - other than Areum but that was a different kind of love. There was no one else in the world that was more perfect for you. 

It happened suddenly, you were laid below Jungkook as he kissed you passionately, his hands keeping him pressed above you while your hands worked their way into his hair. 

"I love you," He whispered against your lips as he kissed you again, you giggled pulling him down closer to your lips. 

"I love you too," He smirked hearing the words leave your mouth he never wanted you to stop saying them to him, 

"Say it again," He whined out desperately as you pulled back from the kiss to look him in the eyes.

"I love you Jeon Jungkook," He smiled brightly bringing you into another kiss, the sparks from before all still there. The same church bells and choir singing loudly for him to know that this was real, this is where his heart belonged.

An intense makeout session lead to you sitting on the floor of the book shop now holding a stick and poke tattoo kit Jungkook had brought along with him again, just like the first time you gave him a tattoo. 

"This is insane, you can go and get a real one Guk." You looked at him nervously and he shook his head waiting for you to just tattoo him. This meant more to him than going to have a real one done, 

"I want you to be the one to do this," He admitted as he handed you everything you needed. He'd show you what he wanted done on his arm, 

"Where?" You questioned looking at Areum's name written in a fancy font on a piece of paper. He stripped out of his shirt to reveal his tattooed arms and you couldn't help but look at them all. Wanting to know every story to each and every one of them but then your eyes found his first one. The small one that you'd done before, 

"I want it here," He whispered pointing to the blank space below your initials on his arm, as soon as you saw the initials you felt a warm feeling spread all over your body.

"Y-You didn't cover it?" He shook his head as your eyes welled up with tears, the thought of him keeping a part of you with him all the time made you want to cry. 

"I-I kept your shirt..." You admitted as your tears began to leave your eyes, your vision returning to normal as you took hold of the kit and got ready to tattoo him. He had a huge smile on his face as he thought about you snuggled into his shirt whenever you missed him or something. 

"You're sure?" You questioned as you held his arm in your hand referring to the tattoo once again, 

"Positive," With that you began inking his arm with the tools while holding him steady, apologising every three seconds in case it was hurting him too much.

"It's perfect," He whispered as you applied some tattoo goo he'd brought along with him before placing the tattoo under some cling film to keep it protected for the first night. 

"Just like her," You whispered as you stared at your handy work, it looked really good to say you'd only ever done small ones before. 

"She is," Jungkook chuckled while holding your hand in his. The air was silent but it wasn't the awkward kind, it was just a nice silenced between you both before he began leaning into you again. 

"Say it again." He begged as he looked into your eyes. You knew what he was talking about without him saying it, it was all he ever wanted to hear from now on. 

"No, I've said it all night." You groaned jokingly as you tried to push him away from you but he dragged you to sit on his lap and whispered it in your ear as he kisses your neck softly. 

"Say it," He begged while kissing down your jaw, each kiss making you needier each second. 

"Say it." He growled pulling you down on his lap harder making you whimper, this time it was an order and you pushed your hands into his hair whimpering as he kissed your neck.

"I, Y/n Y/l/n love you, Jeon Jungkook." He smirked before kissing up to your lips and kissing you roughly, you bit down on his lip playfully earning a groan from him and you giggled. 

"Fuck, I love you too, I love you so much Y/n," He whimpered as he laid your down below him on the floor, you wrapped your legs around his waist not wanting him to go away just yet but he didn't. He ran his tongue along your bottom lip and you granted him access, allowing his tongue to explore your mouth while you sucked on it a little bit. He ground his hips down into you while smirked, you moaned as you felt how hard he was behind the jeans he was wearing. 

"Needy?" You teased running your hand down the front of his chest before palming him through the rough fabric of his pants, 

"Very." He grunted as you began to undo his belt buckle, pushing him to lay down on the floor as you worked your way out of his jeans. 

"W-What are you doing-" He groaned loudly as you took him from his boxer and began massaging him in your hand, he was so much bigger than you remembered and his tip was bright red. 

"So needy baby," You cooed at him before looking up into his eyes, he watched you, infatuated with what you were going to do. 

"P-Please-" Your tongue began licking small but fast strokes on his head, paying more attention to his slit which was already dripping with precum. You placed the tip into your mouth sucking him clean while he threw his head back against the floor and moaned out your name. 

"Fuck please...I-I need more," You looked up at him while pumping him in your hand, he looked so breathtaking laid out for you like this. Needy and begging for you, you licked the underside of his cock from base to tip making sure to coat him in enough salvia so you could glide him in and out of your mouth with his but he moaned out as soon as you touched him. 

"Shit baby-" As soon as your mouth was around his cock it was as if a switch had gone off in his mind, he was no longer the whining and begging boy he'd just been for you but now he was grunted and finding it hard to control himself. 

You could see he was debating taking your head in his hands so you reached for his hands while you bobbed your head slowly, you placed his hands into your hair and nodded slight giving him the all-clear to take over. 

"Fuck I love you so fucking much." He forced your head down until your nose was pressed against his groin, you held back the gag and tears wanting him to feel as much pleasure as possible and he moaned out. Moving your head softly with his hands as he began to buck up into your mouth, 

"So fucking warm, I bet you're dripping aren't you." He smirked watching the way you avoided his gaze, he continued thrusting into your mouth as you whined out around him sending vibrations through his body. 

"Fuck, pull off baby, pull off," You pulled away and a sad expression appeared on your face, you wiped your lips instantly thinking you'd done something wrong when he attacked you with hungry kisses. Ripping your shirt open before removing your skirt in what seemed like one movement. You were left in your black panties and matching bra, 

"Expecting something tonight?" He chuckled while playing with the band of your panties, you shook your head so he ripped the panties off throwing the thin fabric somewhere in the shop. 

"Jungkook! That was my only good pair." He pushed you down onto the floor, pulling your ass into the air while keeping your chest flat on the floor. 

"I'll buy you some new ones," He whispered as he bent down to admire your core, smirking as he watched just how wet you were. 

"You always were so needy for me," He smirked running one finger over your folds making your hips buck for more but he held you in place, 

"If you're a good girl, good things will come." He placed a kiss on your core making you whine out and close your eyes tightly. 

"Please," You practically begged him and so he pushed his tongue into you making your eyes widen at the feeling, it had been so long since you'd had anything nearly as passionate as this. He hummed into your cunt before swirling his tongue inside of you, using his thumb to attack your clit. 

"So fucking wet, you taste so good baby girl," The name made you clench around his two fingers that were buried knuckle deep inside of you. 

"You like that? You like it when I call you baby girl?" He questioned pushing his fingers in and out of you roughly while you whimpered below him not being able to form words from the feeling of him.

"I'm taking that as a yes," He chuckled wickedly before pushing his tongue back into your cunt, moaning into your whenever you'd clench around his tongue. 

"Ugh shit, Jungkook!" You screamed out gripping onto the blanket below you as you came unexpectedly and out of nowhere onto his tongue. Your body slipped leaving you to lay down on the blanket, your ass still in the air just a little, 

"Good girl," He whispered turning you around to face him, you licked your lips as you roughly brought him down into another kiss trying to position him between your legs. You wanted to feel him inside of you, you wanted to feel him filling your walls up the way he used to.

"U-Agh fucking Jesus," Jungkook moaned as he slowly pushed into you, he kept himself steady holding himself in place at your hilt as you tried to adjust to him again. You could feel every inch of him inside of you which already made your head spin at the thought of it. The number of times you'd brought yourself to the edge just thinking about him touching you instead of yourself was never enough. You could never make yourself feel the way he was making you feel right now.

"M-Move," You whispered to him before kissing him roughly again, he followed your orders and began to push in and out of you slowly at first making you moan into his mouth. 

"So tight," He grunted taking your right leg and putting it over his shoulder, the sudden movement making you cry out in pleasure as he hit you deeper than before. 

"T-There, T-There! Right there." You repeated as he continued to hit you at that same spot over and over again making you cry out, you ran your nails down his bare back and he smirked as you clenched with each thrust. 

"That's it, baby, let me feel you do that again." He roughly slammed into you holding himself in place and you screamed out his name rolling your head back and arching your back off the floor. 

"JUNGKOOK!" Nothing could compare to this, he continued to roughly hit into that spot that made your eyes roll back and the fairy lights look like real stars. 

"F-Faster...M-More, need more." You whimpered wanting him to hit that exact spot more and more with each thrust and he moaned back at you as he began to change his pace. Swiftly pushing in and out of you roughly watching the way your head rolled back and you moaned out his name. 

"S-Shit baby, I- I can't keep this up." He admitted as he began rubbing your clit with his thumb and your whole body began to shake, your thighs aching as you could feel the pressing orgasm begin to rise up in your body.

"C-Cum...I-I wanna cum...F-Feel you cum," Your sentence was a mess as were you but you were begging for him to cum and to let you cum. 

"Together?" He whispered while kissing you softly not matching his thrusts which were still rough and quick, you managed to nod while moaning out his name and he smirked feeling you getting closer with him. 

"S-Shit," You cried out as his thumb began to rub your clit in rougher circles, tugging on it a little making you whimper and gasp as your orgasm began to build. The tightness in your stomach grew tighter until you snapped around him, your legs wrapping around his waist to hold him deep inside of you as you came around his length. 

"Jungkook, shit." You whimpered out as he kissed you roughly, cumming into you as you held him deep, your walls clenching around him even after you came down from your high. 

The fireplace was crackling as you laid in front of it, naked and sprawled out beside Jungkook who was sweating from the activities you'd just done again for the sixth time that night. There was one thing playing on your minds though, one lingering thought that neither of you wanted to talk about but had to talk about sooner or later. That was about him going home. Going to Korea.

"We have to talk about something," He whispered as you laid your head down on his sweaty chest nodding along to him, you knew what was coming. 

"I have to go soon...But I don't want this to end...I don't want to be away from you and Areum." The thought had crossed your mind about how this would all work out, being in different countries while you shared a daughter and were hopelessly in love with one another.

"I don't want to be away from you either." You admitted as you looked up into his eyes, resting your chin on his chest as you stared into his eyes. 

"W-Well what- What if you-" You knew what he was trying to say and ask of you and again the thought had crossed your mind, all of the positives about it but then all of the negatives came along with it. 

"Move to Korea?" You questioned to make sure you were on the same page as him. He nodded his head slowly while linking your hands with his and starting at you sadly, 

"I-I wouldn't know how to do that...W-What if things go bad between us what-"

"Ignore the what-ifs, this...This is perfect. What we have it right..." You knew he was right on that part, there was nothing that could happen between you and Jungkook that could break you apart anymore. You were hopelessly in love with him and nothing was ever going to change that.

"I wouldn't know how to move to another country...I-I don't even speak much Korean, how would Areum go to school." You sat up as you panicked thinking about everything but Jungkook took your arms in his hands and shook his head. 

"We can fix that, I can make things work...She can be homeschooled, We can look into visa's and stuff." He whispered trying to reassure you that everything would be okay, the longer he held you the more you knew it was the right thing to do and the more you thought that nothing could go wrong with this, with him by your side. 

"I suppose there are lots of huge book stores in Korea I could get a job in..." He smiled brightly as he heard you calming down and began to talk about what you could do there. You'd always expressed your love for travelling and you'd never been before.

"I-I'll have to talk to Areum about it and Grace...I'll need to find someone that will take the shop..." You began planning out what was going to happen in your head but Jungkook just brought you into a soft and loving kiss as he pulled you close to him again. 

"Everything will work out, I promise." He whispered as he leant down to kiss you once again, running his hands up your sides as he got excited over the thought of getting to live out the rest of his life with you.

A/n: This fic was super short and sweet but I hope you guys enjoyed it!  Thank you to those who took the time to read it! I hope you can enjoy any future works I aim to put out 🥰💞 It will probably be a while until my next series as I’m working on a Stray Kids Minho one!

MASTERLIST || PREVIOUS || EPILOGUE

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @rjsmochii @bisexualmess007​ @innersooya​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @jin-from-the-block​ @neverthefirstchoice​ @jikooksgirl19​ @jungkooksseuphoria​ @queenmasterxx​ @oosnapitskat​ @janieooo​ @preciouschimine​    @koremis​ @keijilovebot​ @silscintilla​ @mayafravoli

[lucky-katebishop]

What I Read in September 2021

It's been a stagnant month, but I did find a couple favorites :) as usual, composed of mainly Harry Potter fics but there's a spare Modern Family fic in there and a couple crossovers. I think I read about 27-28 fics :)

Harry Potter

Family Relations by OxfordOctopus

Plot: In which Harry realizes that not even he's exempt from how interconnected magical families are.

Characters: Harry, Pavarti, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Desi Potter Family; Desi Harry; Hogwarts third year; red-haired Harry Potter

*complete*

Talking to Thestrals by OxfordOctopus

Plot: In a world where Voldemort well and truly died in ‘81, where there are no Horcruxes, where Harry is sequestered off by a man in a flying motorcycle when he's six, and where the only legacy the most feared Dark Lord left behind was his politics and a heavily scarred child, nobody quite realizes that Harry isn’t okay. Nobody but the leathery creatures at the lake, and the girl who looks at them.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry & Luna

Warnings: anxiety, dissociation, suicidal thoughts, bullying, implied/referenced child abuse, child neglect

Tags: Sirius Black Criticism; Hogwarts second year; Sirius Black Never Went to Azkaban; AU - No Voldemort;

My Notes: Now, I love Sirius just as much as the next girl, but this is such an interesting look at a man raising a kid when he wasn’t ready and the consequences of that (I relate a tad too strongly)

*complete*

Slytherin Politics by OxfordOctopus

Plot: Abused children don't respond well to power plays.

Characters: Harry, Draco, Theodore Nott, Daphne Greengrass

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

Tags: violence, broken bones, Slytherin Harry, bullying

My Notes: Harry is so truly terrifying in this fic, it’s wonderful

*complete*

rotten on the inside by cassiopeia721

Plot: Harry's boggart isn't Voldemort, or even a dementor. It's something much worse.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Hermione & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Hogwarts third year; boggarts; angst; protective Hermione; Hermione is a Good Friend

*complete*

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by IamShadow21

Plot: Questions asked, questions unasked, secrets told and secrets kept, trust, devotion, empathy and love. Ron and Harry's friendship, from that first day on the Hogwarts Express, right through until after the Battle. Can be read as a friendship fic, or a ship fic. It's open to interpretation.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hermione, Arthur

Relationships: Harry/Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: canon compliant; canon-typical violence; friendship, hurt/comfort; protective Ron; Protective Fred; Protective George; gen or pre-slash; platonic cuddling; POV Ron

My Notes: now this could be read as pre-slash, as a relationship, or just good friends, but I am so completely head over heels in love with the idea of Harry and Ron! Best friends to lovers!

*complete*

Best Served Cold by enchantedsleeper

Plot: “C’mon, Freddie,” George says suddenly, sotto voce. “Sooner the four of us get out of here, the better.” It hadn’t been the right moment, as they were exploring the Dursleys’ comfortable house in the dead of night, to plant a well-timed trick or a trap and risk blowing the whole operation – and getting Harry into even more trouble with his sadistic relatives. Better just to get Harry out and away from that place. But two years later, Fred and George got their chance for revenge.

Characters: Harry, Fred, George, Ron, Arthur

Relationships: Harry & Ron; Harry & George & Fred

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Book 4; Harry is an honorary Weasley

*complete*

east, west, home’s best by taizi

Plot: You can never have too many brothers, Ron decides, for the very first time in his life. And there's always room in the Burrow for another Weasley, even if only an honorary one.

Characters: Harry, George, Ron, Fred

Relationships: Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Chamber of Secrets; families of choice

*complete*

live for today, hope for tomorrow by Vennat

Plot: Professors are Hogwarts are a little more observant and a little less likely to allow their students to be in harms way. OR A canon rewrite starting from book two, featuring friendship, angst, and a severe lack of oblivious characters.

Characters: Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Luna, Fred, George, Snape, Draco

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron; Harry & George & Fred; Harry & Ginny; Luna & The Golden Trio; Harry & Snape; Draco & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; PTSD; panic attacks; blood; vomit; injury; food issues; depression

Tags: friendship; Harry has a saving people thing; mentor Snape; BAMF Harry; Smart Harry; canon rewrite; angst; Dumbledore bashing; Book 2; Harry is a Good Friend; Harry is Bad at Feelings

*complete* [part of a series; hasn’t been updated since 2020]

The Closest Distance Between Two People by StartledStarfish

Plot: In Harry's third year, no dementors boarded the Hogwarts Express in search of Sirius Black. Remus Lupin, the new defense professor, slept the whole way there. He did not wake to cast a patronus. Harry never passed out. Never heard his mother scream. Never saw the flash of green light. Never felt the unspeakable cold drain all the happiness out of him. So when Harry’s turn came to face the boggart, his greatest fear could not be a dementor. Harry blinked and looked up into the smiling face of Albus Dumbledore.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Remus, Dumbledore, Vernon, McGonagall

Relationships: Harry & Ron; Harry & Remus

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; childhood trauma, child neglect

Tags: boggarts, dementors, Dursley Family Bashing; Dumbledore Bashing; healing; angst with a happy ending; Ron makes sure nobody’s sad for long; friendship; laughter

*complete*

Grey Space by noaacat *favorite*

Plot: In 1991, Harry Potter begins his time at Stonewall High, unaware that he is anything more than a boy prone to freakish accidents. When he turns fourteen, he will receive a letter that will change his life. He will learn he is Harry Potter, and be invited into a world where belonging is his birthright. Until then, he stumbles on, two steps forward and one step back, out of the cupboard and into the life he was never meant to have.

Characters: Harry, The Dursleys, Dumbledore, lots of muggle OCs

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; implied/referenced homophobia; child abuse; child neglect

Tags: AU: Hogwarts Starts Late

My Notes: This one! Is so good! The worldbuilding alone is amazing and the author really did make me immersed in the small sleepy town of Little Whinging. Please, if you read any fic on this list, read this one! It’s so good! Instant favorite!

*complete*

Iron by belleslettres

Plot: Draco also has a penchant for shirts with fiddly collars and cuffs and will not even entertain the notion of going anywhere looking like anything less than perfection. But Harry, who will do almost anything for Draco, refuses to iron them. “My aunt used to make me do all the ironing,” Harry says. “I hated it.”

Characters: Harry, Draco

Relationships: Draco/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: fluff and angst; post-war; Epilogue what Epilogue; fluff; domestic fluff

*complete*

All That Stands in its Path by thebiwholived

Plot: "An old soul, people might say, and Molly has never quite been sure what such a person would look like, until the day her family meets the Boy Who Lived in a dingy train station on the way to school." Molly Weasley's perspective on the summer Harry Potter comes to stay.

Characters: Harry, Molly, Weasley Family

Relationships: Harry & Molly Weasley

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: canon compliant; book 2

*complete*

To See More Clearly by JellyShark

Plot: Harry didn't make it out of Privet Drive after blowing up Aunt Marge. He is alone, locked away, forgotten. To make things worse, his magic is changing, morphing into something unknown and terrifying. Harry returns to Hogwarts a changed boy, unable to hide the effects of his time with the Dursleys. His Third Year dawns, bringing with it a man who feels like home, a Hufflepuff Prefect, and a dog who reminds Harry of a time when he was loved.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Ron, Snape, Sirius, Hermione, Luna, Cedric, Neville, McGonagall

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; pre Cedric/Harry; Remus & Harry; Hermione & Ron & Harry; Cedric & Harry; Sirius & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Harry Needs a Hug; Harry is an Empath; Smart Harry; Magically Powerful Harry; Mentor Remus; flawed but well-meaning Dumbledore; book 3; book 4; Snape gets worse before he gets better; angst; hurt/comfort

*incomplete* [last updated August 2021]

Holidays by diogxnes

Plot: While his housemates discuss the upcoming holidays, Harry cannot help but think of how he never experienced a real Christmas with the Dursleys. Ron notices.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Lavender Brown, Seamus Finnigan

Relationships: Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: book 1; missing scene; canon compliant; emotional hurt/comfort; hurt/comfort; Ron Weasley is a Good Friend

*complete*

Closing In by silver_fish

Plot: Harry supposes he’ll never know how they learned about the cupboard under the stairs. He also supposes he’ll never know how they managed to make him so afraid of it, all these years later.

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, claustrophobia, implied/referenced torture, codependency, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, therapy

Tags: post-war; hurt/comfort; touch-starved; guilt; Harry centric; false memories

My Notes: This one made me emotionally exhausted but it’s written super well

*complete*

Adjustments by Velvet_Riptide

Plot: With the Second Wizarding War over, Sirius is more than excited to put everything behind him and raise Harry as his own. However, he and Remus begin to notice odd and troubling behaviors from Harry. Without answers from the source, Sirius turns to Harry's previous guardians--Molly and Arthur Weasley--and learns Harry is still making adjustments from his time with the Dursley's.

Characters: Harry, Sirius, Remus, Molly, Arthur, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; Hermione/Ron; Remus & Harry; Sirius & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; childhood trauma; PTSD

Tags: hurt/comfort; coparenting; Harry lived in the Burrow for several years with the Weasleys before moving to 12 Grimmauld Place;

*complete*

Two Things by TheDivineComedian

Plot: Harry is only four years old and the Dursleys are already mean.

Characters: Harry, Petunia, Vernon, Dudley, imaginary Lily, imaginary James

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

*complete*

How to be happy by TheDivineComedian

Plot: The Patronus charm requires a happy memory. Harry Potter doesn't have many, and the Dementors get Sirius, after all. But the story is far from over.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Sirius, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Harry & Sirius; Harry & Remus; Remus & Sirius

Warnings: major character death; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: creepy; heartwarming; dementors; Hogwarts third year

My Notes: this one is a fucking doozy good lord (the tags say heartwarming but w h e r e)

*complete*

Knowledge is a Rose by Magi_Silverwolf

Plot: When Harry discovered that he had a name, he clung to that information and all that it entailed. After learning more information about his past, nothing and everything changed.

Characters: Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; physical abuse; verbal abuse; mental abuse

Tags: emotional hurt; identity issues

*complete*

No Love for the Wicked by VigilanteVampire4311

Plot: Harry Potter was the Boy-Who-Lived. The Golden Boy. The Chosen One. But it turns out when you run head first into an unknown magical artifact and end up in a void, none of that matters. Now he's in a different time with familiar strangers who just can't seem to understand the new transfer student, Harrison Miller. With a Defense teacher he can't let his guard down for a second around, the Marauders hounding the 'mysterious' new Slytherin, and his housemates who cannot fathom a muggleborn being among them, Harry has to wonder whether fate hates him or if he is really a trouble-making freak like the Dursleys always said.

Characters: Harry, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Regulus, Snape, Tom Riddle, Pomfrey

Relationships: Harry & James; Harry & Lily; Sirius & Harry; Remus & Harry; Regulus & Harry; Harry & Tom Riddle; Pomfrey & Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence; implied/referenced child abuse; possessive behavior; depression; non-consensual touching

Tags: The Veil; Slytherin Harry; Marauders are kinda assholes; Tom Riddle is not Voldemort yet; Severus is so done; alternate universe; angst; hurt/comfort; bullying; time travel; Marauders Era

My Notes: so far with 7 chapters in, we haven’t yet gotten to Harry interacting with anyone from the past but it’s still written really well

*incomplete* [last updated September 2021]

The snake in the daffodils by SpicyReyes *favorite*

Plot: Harry follows Sirius through the Veil of Death, and stumbles out on the other side of the Mirror of Erised, under a strange spell and stranded in an unfamiliar Hogwarts.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Regulus, Harry, Ron, James, Lily, Sirius

Relationships: Regulus/James; Sirius/Remus; Draco/Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence; discussions of suicide; discussions of self-harm; suicidal ideation; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: universe jumping; Hogwarts fifth year; misunderstandings; miscommunication; basically everyone thinks harry wants to die but he is actually just hella confused

My Notes: so, so good! And if you like this one I recommend The Devil’s White Knight which is really similar in concept

*incomplete* [last updated 2020]

been waiting a lifetime (to be with you) by justprompts

Plot: The next time he woke, Potter was shaking him awake. Just, just not the right one. He had hazel eyes for one, and class. This was not Harry Potter. This was - Well, he had just woken up and who accepts the delightfully altering time-related facts of life right as they wake up?

Characters: Harry, Dumbledore; Peter Pettigrew; Prewett Twins; Marlene McKinnon; Sirius; Remus; Lily; James; Draco; Alice & Frank Longbottom; Regulus; Draco

Relationships: Draco/Harry; James/Lily; Sirius/Remus; Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadows; Alice/Frank Longbottom; Regulus & Sirius; Regulus & Draco

Tags: time travel fix-it; Marauders Era; Horcrux hunting; everyone lives/nobody dies; master of death Harry; light-hearted; POV multiple; Harry doesn’t need to be dark/evil to be master of death; irregular and slow updates; mutual pining

*incomplete* [last updated May 2021]

The Gospel Truth by twentysevensummers

Plot: When Harry arrives at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place with a black eye, he has more trouble than expected keeping the truth from Sirius.

Characters: Harry, Sirius, Remus

Relationships: Sirius & Harry

Warnings: referenced/implied child abuse; child neglect

Tags: book 5; hurt/comfort; angst; Harry needs a hug; good godparent Sirius Black; number 12 grimmauld place

*complete*

o children, lift up your voice by orphan_account

Plot: "i don't know if they could've put a flap in the door of the cupboard, now that i think about it," harry laughs nervously. "dunno if it would've fit onto it. since it's smaller than the bedroom door." hermione and ron's heads both shoot up. "what?" ron asks. "excuse me?" hermione says.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: friendship; slight canon divergence; character study; second war with Voldemort; physical affection; lots of hugs

My Notes: this one is so good and if you can get past the fact that the author doesn’t capitalize anything, you’re good to go (although it was difficult to get past that at first for myself)

*complete*

Muggle Management by LadyWinterlight, NerdyKat

Plot: What happens if Hermione notices signs of abuse in Harry during first year? The Wizarding World may not have laws against it, but the Muggle World certainly does...

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Mrs Granger, Mr. Granger

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: family

*complete*

Harry Potter & Other Fandoms

Masked Men and Where to Find Them by tinyrose65

Fandoms: Harry Potter & Daredevil & MCU

Plot: Harry Potter moved to Hell's Kitchen because she wanted a fresh start: time away from the spotlight, where she could focus on being the best Healer she could be. Trust the unconscious man in her dumpster to go and complicate things.

Characters: Harry, Matt Murdock

Relationships: Harry/Matt; past Harry/Draco

Warnings: past domestic abuse; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: female!Harry

My Notes: this is the first in a series and the second one is also incomplete but they’re both very good and the second one has Jessica Jones!

*incomplete* [last updated 2016]

Magic and Masks by Akoia

Fandoms: Harry Potter & DC Comics

Plot: Harry Potter is anything but normal, thank you very much, he just didn't hold such nonsense as that. Follow him on his adventures through the Wizarding world and muggle world as he struggles to understand who he is, and fight the destiny that's been chosen for him.

Characters: Harry; Dick Grayson; Jason Todd; Bruce Wayne; Alfred Pennyworth; the Dursleys

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; canon typical violence

Tags: fluff and angst

My Notes: this is a series with six parts!

*incomplete* [last updated 2020]

Modern Family

Breaking & Entering: (The Start Of) A Love Story by dollsome

Plot: "Oh my God," Mitchell says, "this is insane." It is, for the record. It is actually ... insane.

Characters: Mitchell, Cameron

Relationships: Mitchell Pritchett/Cameron Tucker

Warnings: none

Tags: none

*completed*