#this feel like opposite of twink death

[giogio-gruebel]

I used to draw him with a lot more piercings, ackshuelly

[tokyo-debunker-idk]

Crushed | 03

Summary: He's tried to convince Leo that you're a cool person, to which the former just scoffs and accuses Sho of having a crush. Honestly, the reaction is obnoxious – people of the opposite sex are perfectly able to have platonic friendships. Just because Sho's taken to bringing an extra lunch for you on training days so you can eat together after, and he enjoys spending time with you, and you're pretty and smell good even after an hour of sparring, doesn't mean he has a crush.

Pairing: Haizono Sho x Reader x Kurosagi Leo

Genre: Humor, romantic comedy, slowish burn, no real plot, Leo bullying

18+, minors DNI

~~~~~

"Besides, what are a few nobodies compared to the shit you've been dealing with anyway? You can handle it."

You finally realize what's been bothering you since you confronted Leo at the Vagastrom dorms (outside of the usual annoyance of Leo's general existence).

His response, despite his condescending tone… had been worded suspiciously like a compliment. Which, since it's Leo, means it probably wasn't.

"YoU cAn hAndLe iT," you mutter quietly to yourself, imitating the TikTok asshole's haughty tone. "Fuck off."

It makes you even more annoyed about the stupid sympathy that flared up when Leo mentioned death threats. He doesn't deserve your consideration, but your empathetic ass doesn't care about logical little details like that.

Sure, you've seen horrible comments and exchanges online in fan wars, but it's always been as a spectator. Receiving such disturbing messages personally, ranging from unhinged fans who call you ugly (whatever) to those that wish vile things upon you (less whatever) to others that send inappropriate pictures you wish you could unsee (your eyes, your poor non-quite-virgin eyes)… it's affected you much more than you would have expected.

For you it's mostly a weird blip in your life, and you can just deactivate an account you rarely used in the first place. Since you're stuck at Darkwick, it's not like your social life in the "real" world is exactly popping off, anyway. Despite logically knowing that nothing will happen to you, that the vitriol is being spewed by complete strangers who don't know you at all, you still feel shaken at the reminder that regular humans can be even worse than many of the anomalies you've experienced.

Even the sparse comments about you being cute together (which are repulsive in their own way, for obvious reasons) feel weird and invasive, as if you're their friend. It's like they think they know you, and that their opinion matters enough for you to hear it.

Leo deals with all of that constantly? Sure, he basically signed up for it and is apparently completely fine, but it still just… doesn't feel right.

Yeah, you dislike him, but he's not exactly evil. He's a douche who cares more about himself than anyone else, which is not a rare trait in the world. He just also happens to have brains and guts, without the morals that would keep him from using those around him.

So, a shitty guy, but not the absolute worst. At least, not evil enough for the insane hostility you received firsthand.

Then again, he's gotten those types of messages and was more than willing to put you in the line of fire. So maybe he is a little evil.

Why did he even post you to his TikTok as his girlfriend, anyway? For all his apparent dismissiveness of your capabilities, the guy is definitely way too vain to choose any random passerby, even if he later reveals it to be a joke. In its own fucked up little way, it's almost a compliment that he seems to think you're objectively attractive enough to be a believable partner to his audience.

Not that you're flattered.

Well… a small, petty part of you kind of is, because while Leo acts like a steaming pile of garbage, he's a steaming pile of garbage with taste.

Huh, then maybe he did actually mean what he said about you being able to handle it?

Nah, that can't be right.

Whatever. You have more important things to worry about than a toxic, twink-shaped gremlin. Like your new assignment with the Jabberwock ghouls. That should be your current number-one priority. You should probably go over the investigation notes right now, actually.

SHOulders: Hey Y/N, u free?

You're a strong independent woman who can prioritize important, life-altering tasks over silly crushes. You are, you can resist–

You: Yeah! What's up?

~~~~~

"So? What do you think of the sign?"

"It's amazing! It's even more impressive than it was in the photo."

Sho grins at your compliments, though he tries not to show just how pleased he is about your heartfelt praise.

"Didn't I say flattery'll get you nowhere?"

He's lying, of course. Flattery from you is always welcome, because he can tell you mean it. It's also why he's asked you to look at his menu and signboard before officializing the food truck – you'll give him your honest thoughts. Leo would have opinions on things that are trending, but Sho doesn't really want to rely on gimmicks. For all his irritation with the restrictions at Darkwick (and having to deal with his annoying ass brother), this food truck is something he's actually excited about.

Sho doesn't tend to take most things seriously… he's naturally intelligent and athletic, so he's never really had to try hard to get by. Not wanting anything badly means he'll never be disappointed if something doesn't pan out. Besides, Leo's the type of best friend to make fun of any endeavor or interest he doesn't deem worthy.

But you're different.

You work so hard every day to make up for the qualities you believe you lack, from struggling through workouts to staying up late to catch up on the classwork you miss due to being sent on missions. Maybe once he would have scoffed at your efforts, but instead, it gives him the courage to try something new.

It's safe to show you how much the food truck actually means to him. You're the one who constantly raves about his food, whose encouragement and support has helped his tiny idea grow into an actual dream. He trusts you.

"Do you have a date?"

Huh? A date for what? Why do you want to know about his love life? Or is this your way of asking him to –

You hand back the menu you were looking at, and Sho realizes you mean for his food truck opening.

Right. Thank goodness, because you guys have a good friendship that does not need to be complicated by anything like that.

"By next week, I guess? So long as no one gets in my way."

"I'm really looking forward to it!"

Yeah, the sensation in his chest is most definitely relief, not disappointment.

~~~~~

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too, Kurokawa," you reply drily as you put down your heavy bag, unsurprised by Leo's unwelcoming greeting. He's lounging on a couch in the common area, and you suppress an internal sigh.

It's not surprising to run into him at the Vagastrom dorm, but you had hoped he was out turning princes into frogs, forcing poor parents to exchange their firstborn for vegetables, or whatever it is he does for fun.

"It's Kurosagi."

You ignore his correction, because you know it pisses him off.

You sometimes wonder why Sho bothers with Leo when you've never seen Leo do anything nice for his so-called best friend, but it's not your place to judge. You're mature enough to understand that there's a history there you're not aware of, and that you've only known them for a very short period of time.

"Maybe I'm here to see my darling influencer boyfriend," you say sarcastically, giving him the fakest smile you can manage as you plop down next to him. You know he doesn't like you, so it's another easy way to annoy him (if at your own expense). "How could I go a day without seeing that pretty face?"

You're mature enough to understand. That doesn't mean you're mature enough to not hate it. If you can't avoid Leo, you're going to do your best to be as annoying as possible when you do have to interact with him.

"Ugh, don't sit so close," Leo grumbles, despite not making a single move to move away like the lazy little princess he is. He does smell nice though, probably some trendy cologne that he uses to cover up the stench of his rotten personality. "Have you even showered today?"

Wow. You know you smell nice because you did, in fact, shower today. Right before coming here, to be exact, because despite Sho's knowledge of your sweaty form after training sessions, you want his memories to be of you fresh and perfumed.

There is really no need for Leo to be so fucking rude all the fucking time. Especially when you've done nothing to deserve it but apparently have the audacity to exist in his presence. If anything, you've been downright charitable in never bringing up "the incident" at the Pit. Though if you're being honest, it's also something you don't want to remember, because the knowledge that you willingly ground up against his dick – even if it was out of spite – is too embarrassing to think about.

Sure, he's pretty, but you have your standards.

Why are you even thinking about this right now? Clearly you have been spending way too much time either studying, doing odd jobs for the ghouls, and daydreaming about Sho if you're even thinking of Leo in any sexual-adjacent light. You don't even really want to think about him at all.

You know that being ignored is one of the things that bothers him most of all (an attention-seeking diva, truly), so you grab a textbook out of your bag and begin to read.

~~~~~

Leo knows he's an asshole.

He's perfectly fine with it. Sometimes, it even sparks joy.

Such as now, when you're scowling at him in a way that makes him want to antagonize you even further. You're always so nice and friendly to everyone that it's satisfying to be the one to elicit a different reaction out of you. It's a matter of pride that he's the only one that can make you lose your temper.

Besides, it's not his fault you look so cute when you're pissed off.

Leo freezes when he realizes what just crossed his mind, but before he can figure out exactly where that ridiculous thought came from, you're pulling a textbook out of your bag.

… Are you seriously about to study while sitting so close to Leo he can smell your flowery shampoo?

"Can I help you, Kurohagi?"

His eyebrow twitches, and he realizes he's been staring at you. And that you fucked up his last name, again.

"You're getting very comfortable, aren't you?" he replies in a scornfully, wondering why exactly you're even visiting when Leo's the only one here.

Unless… you came to see him. Maybe you're just playing it off as if you weren't, to save face. Why else would you even sit so close to him, anyway?

"I'm just waiting for Sho to get back, he said he'd be here soon," you reply with a shrug that annoys Leo for reasons he can't explain. Your answer makes far more sense, and yet that just pisses him off even more. So he does what he does best.

"It's cute how you're being such a good little gofer for Sho," he says mildly, pretending not to care one way or the other. "He's always been good at getting people to do things for him."

You stiffen, and uncertainty flits across your face before you straighten your expression. Though you're obviously trying to hide it, the way you shift away from him reveals that he hit a nerve.

It was exactly what he was going for, but the usual satisfaction feels hollow, as if the words have left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. You don't snap back with your usual fire the way he expected. Instead you just look back at your book, and the sour feeling magnifies.

An oppressive silence blankets the two of you while unfamiliar pressure weighs down his chest, and Leo is almost relieved when the tell-tale sound of a rumbling engine signals Sho's arrival.

His friend's face brightens instantly when his eyes land on you, which irritates Leo in a way he can't explain. You smile back, though it's more subdued than usual.

"I brought the rest of the stuff from the diner," you call out, and the way Sho jogs to greet you seems to restore some of the sparkle in your eyes. It does not alleviate some of the heaviness Leo is feeling.

"Awesome, thanks," Sho replies with a grin. "You know you didn't have to, right?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to."

Barf. Are you guys fucking serious? It's nauseating, the way Sho is smiling at you like a lovesick puppy. Does he have no pride at all?

"Oh, Leo," Sho calls. Great, he's finally been noticed.

"What?" Leo replies a little petulantly, crossing his arms. Everything about this situation is pissing him off, and he doesn't even understand why.

"Stop pouting and help me out, I was able to pick up some liquor when I went on my grocery run."

"Ugh, fine," he grumbles, mollified by the promise of a night of drinking. It's sadly the closest they can get to clubbing when Darkwick watches their every move.

Leo stands to help grab some of Sho's bags and notices that you're hanging back with an uncertain look on your face. Are you stupid enough to actually take Leo's words to heart when it's obvious you have his best friend wrapped around your pretty little finger?

"Are you coming or not?" he asks testily, shoving a few bags in your direction. "We're not sharing if you don't help."

Your eyes widen at the implied invitation, and even Sho makes a sound of surprise.

"I… uh… yeah," you stammer, hurrying up from the couch to take the bag Leo is holding out. "Thanks?"

You still look and sound confused, but the smile you give him is genuine. It's the first time he's been on the receiving end of that particular expression of yours, and sunlight eases the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. It's similarly disconcerting, and Leo has no idea what to make of it.

"Whatever, just hurry up."

~~~~~

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[demonic0angel]

DP + Omegaverse (no NSFW)

This is just my thoughts on what the omegaverse dynamics would look like in the DP universe. If you have no idea what omegaverse is, I can answer questions if you’d like! (Please feel free to ask anything, I love yapping)

Danny: beta

- I debated with myself a lot on this and I decided to reach the conclusion of beta for many reasons. Let me first explain why I crossed out omega and alpha tho

- I thought of omega first because he just checked all of the boxes for a stereotypical omega in a fanfic: underdog, weak, somewhat trans-coded, twink. However, I disliked it bc I don’t think Danny himself fits as an omega with him being a ghost. It seemed a little too on-the-nose and I personally didn’t like it that much. I wanted Danny’s ghost form to be the reverse of Danny’s human side, so if he was an omega as a human, he would be an alpha as a ghost. However, I feel like Danny being an alpha when he is Phantom wouldn’t be that suitable with the headcanons I have, so I scrapped that.

- Moving onto alphas, he lowkey fit the idea of the “runt” alpha who becomes stronger later on. It would kinda work if his ghost self was the opposite of his alpha human self too, because he is death and “omega” is the last letter of the Greek alphabet, which could also mean the “end” or death. But thinking of the episode where he splits into two versions of himself, his ghost self doesn’t really give off omega vibes. It didn’t work in my head either.

- However, then I had the thought of ‘would a ghost even have pheromones?’ So therefore, he is a beta when he is human, and he is nothing when he is Phantom. I liked the idea of him being a beta bc betas are often overlooked and I think Danny being a beta would make sense when you think of the other characters in the series. With this, it also makes it easier for me to assign roles for the other two in the Everlasting Trio so they can be an alpha-beta-omega pack.

- His status as a beta means that he is often the mediator between Sam and Tucker. Being a beta makes Danny very neutral, meaning he is impartial when dealing with conflicts.

- Danny smells like mud, rain, dirt, and lightning (ozone). He has a very neutral scent that can be both uncomfortable (dirt and mud) and very relaxing (rain) as well as frightening (ozone). When he gets his ice powers, he probably gets a dash of mint in his scent too.

Sam: alpha and Tucker: omega

- I don’t really ship them together btw, unless it’s a throuple with Danny too

- I thought about the reverse (with Sam being the omega and Tucker being the alpha) and decided not to choose that due to Tucker. Sam would be fine and cool either way; if she was an omega, she would be strong and independent. If she was an alpha, she was cool and badass. If Tucker was an alpha tho, he’d just be more of a creep when you think about him and girls. Therefore, I made him an omega to soften him up.

- Making them both the same designation didn't seem right and I feel like the vibes would be iffy. It would also kind of exclude Danny in a way.

- When thinking about Tucker’s jealousy, it probably started because Danny found a way for him to get attention even tho he has a “boring” status like a beta. Perhaps he thought that he and Danny were in the same boat as being losers, but since Danny found Phantom, he grew jealous of the fact that Danny was able to change social statuses as a hero.

- When thinking of alpha as the beginning of the Greek alphabet and omega as the end, it also fits with both of Sam and Tucker’s themes, since Sam works with plants (life) and Tucker has Egyptian motifs (death, since the Egyptians honored death).

- Sam smells like flowers, plants, and herbs. A really spicy and thick scent, but also extremely calming. Tucker smells like sand, metal, and spices, specifically coriander, turmeric, and cardamom. He doesn’t have a soft scent like most omegas, so that’s partially why no girls will approach him. (Bro’s also got no rizz). At times, they also smell like mud or dirt.

Jazz: alpha

- This fits in perfectly with my hc that Jason is an omega lmao

- Usually, omegas are seen as very maternal. While I make Jazz really guardian-like and parental when dealing with her family, I don’t exactly see her as maternal, mostly because I see her as “sibling who steps in when the parents cannot”, rather than an actual parental figure that Danny looks up to. That is bc the maternal role involves a little more love and care (stereotypically, at least) and while I do believe that the Fentons were neglectful, I believe that Danny was still raised with some affection by his parents, so Jazz never had to step in that role. From what I’ve seen and interpreted, Danny’s main danger growing up was the ghosts and the death traps he was surrounded in. Jazz mainly stepped in to protect him when Maddie and Jack left him alone, so I believe that she would be an alpha, which embodies the role of the protector.

- Jazz is also often seen as the “perfect” daughter or student. Being an alpha would only emphasize that, so it also works out. It also works with her overprotectiveness.

- She smells like oceans/sea salt, sand, and vanilla. I’ve been headcanoning her scent to be this combo for way too long. Her scent is pretty strong, but also very calming. If Shadow was with her, she would also smell of mud and dirt.

Jack: alpha and Maddie: omega

- Debated whether or not to make Maddie an alpha as well, but Vlad held me back. I just felt like he wouldn’t be as obsessed with Maddie if she was an alpha, especially bc he’s so controlling and she would probably fight back (and she technically does, but I think you know what I mean?)

- Maddie being an omega would also make sense when you think of the fact that both Vlad and Jack are (one-sidedly) fighting over her.

- Jack and Maddie are the stereotypical couple, but also really non-stereotypical alphas and omegas.

- Jack smells like chocolate, garlic, metal, and motor oil. He has a really pungent scent and that affects how others see him as well. Maddie smells like flowers, peaches, and machinery, with a hint of honey when dealing with her kids.

Vlad: beta

- It makes him being jealous of Jack make sense a little more since he’s insecure of his own status and the fact that Maddie and Jack were “made for each other.”

- He is extremely insecure about being a beta bc he believes that it hindered him from doing a lot of things, one of them being the ability to mate with Maddie. However, he also has an inferiority complex that started with Jack and strengthened with Danny bc he seemed really secure in his own designation, unlike Vlad.

- He smells like blood and a mixture of tea. Ever since he became a halfa though, he smells like mud, dirt, and diet cola (💀).

Dan: nothing and Dani: beta

- Since Dan is 100% ghost, he technically has no scent. However, if he had a human form, he would be a beta.

- Dani smells like chemicals, rain, mud, and dirt. Her scent is mostly artificial, but she still has enough of a scent that she seems real. Dan would smell like blood, ash, smoke, and mud, an extremely overpowering and worrisome scent. When he’s with his sisters tho, the ash and smoke would wash away and he smells somewhat of a campfire and pine.

Valerie: omega

Paulina and Dash: alpha, Kwan and Star: beta

Wes: alpha

Extras:

- Mud and dirt is a tell-tale sign of liminality (because it represents the dirt around a grave). Of course, the smell of dirt and mud is different for everyone. Danny has a really strong scent of mud, but his is loamy and healthy, while Vlad’s scent is more clay-like and not very strong, since he isn’t a very healthy ghost (so no healthy soil) imo.

- All ghosts technically are nothing, since they lose their designation/secondary gender when they die. However, if strong enough, they can give off a “memory” of their old status and scare humans or other ghosts. Most ghosts powerful enough to do this are usually alphas or omegas.

- Ghosts are probably more terrifying than usual due to the fact that most people are really dependent on their sense of smell to find each other. So since ghosts have no scent, they’re creepier than usual.

- Danny used to only have a small pack that consisted of Sam and Tucker, but after becoming Phantom, his pack grew. They all smell a bit like loamy soil. Despite how he has alphas in his pack, he is considered the leader and they all listen to him.

- Everything else is the same as usual, like heats, ruts, bonding, mating, etc. However, most ghosts are extremely respectful about bonding and mates because it is considered important in life and they respect that. That means that when Danny is spending time with Sam or Tucker during their heat or rut, most ghosts will take that as time off too.

- Jazz and Sam lowkey butted heads due to their alpha statuses, but after they became friends, they bonded over shared issues like being female alphas and protecting Danny.

- Was looking through Tumblr for more DP x omegaverse posts to see if anyone else had the same thoughts I did and I found this post by halfagone that was definitely very interesting! I recommend reading it, since it’s not very long and it introduces fraids in a way

[vigarioamelia]

there are a lot of tragic characters in elden ring (pretty much everyone lol) but godwyn exudes a kind of Shakespearean tragedy that just makes me feel so bad for him

godwyn the... betrayed

do you guys remember that trend? jupiter was supposed to be a star but failed?

alexa, play the old doll audio

i'll be talking a lot about godwyn so uh big words trigger warning i guess

Godwyn the Golden, the first child of Godfrey and Queen Marika the Eternal and also the first Demigod known to ever perish.

He was the first descendant of the Golden Line and one of his traits is *literally* being friends with dragons.

Whenever he's mentioned, grief is involved. Both the grief of a Mother and the grief of the people.

He was part of the Golden Order, but we know for a fact he was no maniac for its fundamentals, given the genuine bond he had with Fortissax, for example.

I know we can't really Know this stuff but come on, Godwyn seemed like a certified Big Bro™. He gives the feeling of how pure a person should be. Royal blood – of the purest kind! From the lore we have of him, it appears that he really was The ideal prince.

I like to believe he was particularly fond of the Omen Twins and that, even though they grew up in completely opposite worlds from each other, he was always sort of There. Better than Marika, that's for sure. Just imagine big bro Godwyn taking his baby bros for a tour around the capital. They spend the entire day running around and Godwyn looks so peaceful that the twins can't help but feel that too, if only for a moment.

Not to mention the tender relationship he probably had with the cursed twins.

When Godwyn's spirit was slayed during the Night of the Black Knives, he received a fate worse than death itself: the curse of living in Death.

He who should be crowned golden as the Lord among them all was crowned in ruin as the Prince of Death.

Godwyn will not only never die, but he will never live again. His existence is a terror that punishes the roots of the Erdtree, a thing that not even Miquella was able to stop or help in any way.

This once sweet and kind and beautiful lord is now nothing but a creature spreading across the land.

When both Miquella and Fortissax failed to give him a proper death and rest, what then remained of his body was laid under the roots of the Erdtree. A bit fair, isn't it? First of the Demigod, ruined and buried under the Erdree, where he will slowly but certainly cause destruction and despair all across the land, bringing death to all it touches.

It kills me that the place where he's buried is so dark and lonely and scary. The Godwyn before the Rune of Death was assured to have dozens if not hundreds of statues and paintings and churches and whatever to honor him.

But Godwyn the Golden ceased to exist. There's no one left to adore or admire or cherish. The only thing left is Godwyn the Prince of Death.

He's now worshipped by the undead, Those Who Live in Death, as D calls them. Is there a more tragic end for a royal who was once beloved all across a golden capital?

The only way to change his fate is to make things even WORSE.

Restore the Elden Ring with the Rune of Death and he supposedly comes back again, but. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I would literally go fucking insane if I first opened my eyes to the world I cherished and grew up on completely destroyed by MYSELF without my damn consent.

If he became Prince of Death by his own choice? Fucking sexy. I would support him. SLAY (literally).

But this? My man was ROBBED.

Imagine being "reborn" (in death) and realizing that EVERYONE from your life is dead. The place where you ran around as a kid? Fucking demolished, DIRTY with ashes. ASHES OF DEAD PEOPLE.

AND YOU'RE THEIR MONARCH.

There's NOTHING to rule and most of all THERE'S NOTHING TO PROTECT.

Literally the worst thing that could happen to a dude.

look what the fuck they did to my baby holy shit there truly wasn't enough room for a blonde twink in the lands between was there

Ohh... Oh,  Lord Godwyn... Such cruelty, such humiliation... My poor, sweet lordling should have died a true death. As the first of the demigods to die. As a martyr to Destined Death. But why must it yet bring such disgrace? A scion of the golden bough, sentenced to live in Death...

i really only have two things left to say:

1. godwyn was too sexy to be in the game so miyazaki gave him the worst fate known to humanity (godhood?)

2. this happened to my buddy eric

[promises-of-paradise]

I saw the Napoleon movie at the cinema today and here are some of my thoughts (spoiler warning I guess?):

everything about this film was so unintentionally funny

not a single person was casted correctly (except for Vanessa Kirby as Josephine. I think she did a good job with a bad script)

I loved all the military uniforms

Paul Barras was so slay

can't believe that they had Junot at Toulon and didn't even include the iconic way that he met Napoleon

Thermidor was very lacklustre. I wish it had been more accurate to what actually happened because the real events were very dramatic

so sad that they erased Napoleon's friendship with Bonbon Robespierre. it would have made such a good tragic backstory

its weird how they include Napoleon and Josephine lying about their ages when they got married, but didn't state the reason why. because now it just looks like they were saying their actual ages.

Josephine's dogs were very cute, but I think that instead of having Napoleon play with one of the dogs there should have been a whole sequence of him being attacked by Fortuné every time Josephine turns her back

very sad at the Italian campaign erasure

I find it weird that Napoleon had short hair for Egypt and Brumaire because surely it would have made more sense for narrative purposes to have a scene of him cutting his hair short after becoming first consul to symbolise the change?

so mean of Napoleon to deny Junot his dessert

I'm actually so glad that Junot disappeared after Egypt because I doubt they would have been able to handle his mental illness and death with an appropriate amount of sensitivity

Brumaire was actually hilarious I was laughing so much when he fell down the stairs

thankfully there weren't as many cringy sex scenes as I thought there were from reading the reviews. but maybe that's because those scenes are in the directors cut and not the cinema version?

literally the only time we ever see Eugene and Hortense during Napoleon and Josephine's marriage is at the divorce. and they don't even say anything they just stand there looking awkward.

can't believe the iconic Tilsit kiss wasn't included

why was Tsar Alexander such a slutty Twink I'm not complaining though

Marie-Louise somehow looked like the exact opposite of historical Marie-Louise. the casting director wasn't even trying

poor Napoleon II only got about two seconds on screen time. come on after everything he went through he deserves at least one scene to play with his dad

can't believe they actually used the classic 'blue-grey Eastern Europe' filter on Russia

I am still laughing about how Napoleon said he wanted to spank Alexander

Waterloo felt so lacklustre for some reason? I feel like it should have been a lot more dramatic and theatrical to really convey how important the battle was

the bullet hole in Napoleon's hat at Waterloo looked so fake

WHY DID HE JUST FALL OF HIS CHAIR LIKE THAT AT THE END OF THE FILM LMAO

[alister312]

alister… i’ve come to sow trouble…i ask for your spitting hot takes for the character ask game: gregory for 3, 8, 16, 22!! and 25 for funsies <3 (when i first watched the movie i hated him bc i thought he was an asshole. then i discovered gregstophe and he changed my life)

CHAOS INDEED….. but sometimes you gotta keep things real with Hot Takes™!!

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

i have studied Gregory's canon character extensively and it's a huge reason why i love him so much (and why i so despise a certain fanon version that has eclipsed canon) so this is really hard. HOWEVER….. i do hate his canonical reaction to learning Stan failed his mission. i know it's just to make Wendy start to dislike him so she'll get back together with Stan at the end of the movie, but this was such an important mission that Gregory put so much effort into planning! it implies the death of one of his only friends, Christophe! there's no way Gregory in that moment is the same as the Gregory in the rest of the film to me. or i have to believe that's he's just SO upset that he's lashing out and his tone poorly conveys the true depth of his emotions.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

can i say the entirety of Hell//park lmao. lowkey serious. i've spoken often about how HP was a blight on Gregory's characterization, interpreting him as a generic snobbish evil twink. this (or one of the many HP spinoffs that copy-pasted this personality instead of his canon one) was unfortunately a lot of people's introduction to him as a character, which means that i see many Gregory fans taking him one of two directions: 1) they take him the sexy sadist manipulater route, cold and dismissive, hungry only for power 2) they infantalize this version, making him more like a random xD feral wild card silly guy if you were ever in the Gravity Falls fandom, they do to him what people did to Bill Cipher basically. and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i dislike people doing that! i love how insane the GF fandom goes with Bill but it makes sense for him bc he's a chaos demon. Gregory is a revolutionary freedom fighter with occasionally poor people skills. i feel like barely any active fans remember that.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

i have one beloved mutual who likes this ship so i hope she understands but….. probably greg/stella. most bc every art i see for it ever is HP-based (designs and personalities) which i am clearly not a fan of lol. also, all the love to the Estella fans out there, but she's just not for me. which makes it hard to care about ships that have her.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

ok this is a little hard to describe but i love when fics show that Gregory actually cares?? whether it be for Christophe (as most of the fics i read are gregstophe lol) or about his job or a cause or whatever. i find a lot of fics are able to show him as a caregiver, but don't always show him caring. to me, that's such a core part of who he is. he fights bc he cares, he helps bc he cares, he gets angry and sometimes flippant about others bc he cares so much about what he believes in that he puts on blinders to others' (and tbh his own) emotions. something i don't like is when people do the exact opposite of this lol.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

i do not fully remember what i thought of Gregory specifically, but i have such a vivid memory, right after i watched BLU for the first time, going onto [social media platform redacted bc my account there is cringe af] and saying how i totally shipped Gregory and Christophe and wanted to RP them with someone lmao now... well, i still ship him with Christophe so not much has changed there i guess. but now i like to think about him much more in depth than i did back then. back when i was younger, i don't think the fic i wrote really explored the actual characters so much as it put two guys through a bunch of tropes. nowadays, i want myself and the reader to really understand the depth of those two guys and why exactly i am putting them through certain tropes.

character ask here for reference!

[liminalweirdo]

[transcript:]

I have yet to read a rebuttal of the comparison between HIV and COVID that doesn't ultimately, eventually, boil down to the same eugenics that ACT UP were ironically acting up against. If you missed it, my name is Themme Fatale and a while ago I made some posts talking about some of the similarities both medically and socially between HIV AIDS, and COVID and Long COVID.

These comparisons are supported by empirically reviewed studies by virologists, epidemiologists, HIV experts, and even ACT UP themselves. But it doesn't stop 20-something year-old angry white twinks from getting in my inbox every so often about it.

Now the common point of anger is this idea that, like, "You can't compare gay people dying then, and disabled people dying now because the former was politically motivated."

And the latter is... what?

What is it? I want you to actually say it out loud.

What is the choice to remove protections because it's "just" disabled people dying, if not political? What is the phrase, "The vulnerable will fall by the wayside," if not political? Because it sounds like it feels less political to you because on some level you kind of agree with it.

And look, if this is you, I am begging you to just say the quiet part out loud. Just own the fact that you're into eugenics so I can stop wasting my time.

Because I spend a lot of time trying to educate people, because I believe in the fundamental goodness of humanity, particularly within queer communities. I think that we've done this before and we can do it again. We have laid a roadmap for care that we could be demonstrating and implementing right now, but instead it feels like we're failing an open book exam.

So I'm going to keep calling upon these histories to highlight how we could be doing better. That's how comparisons work, right? You take an idea that people understand and you apply it to a new situation so that people can better understand that one.

Now, I can understand the comparison between HIV AIDS, and COVID and long COVID being a confronting one. That makes sense, we're in a confronting situation. We've been steeped in denial as a society for years now. We've been repeatedly told not to worry about it. "The deaths don't matter, that's happening to this other group, not you. So why worry?"

And now here I am comparing it to one of the most traumatic events in our community's histories. Of course that's going to feel like a lot. If you've swallowed the idea that COVID doesn't matter, and then you hear me comparing this situation now to the AIDS crisis, it's going to sound like I'm saying the AIDS crisis didn't matter. But it's literally the opposite of that.

The AIDS crisis was the result of horrific and unacceptable eugenics that led society to dismiss the avoidable deaths of countless vulnerable people. People whose lives mattered, but who were made vulnerable by callous bigotry. That is what I'm saying here. That the way that we are currently allowing people to die and be disabled by COVID and long COVID — the result of horrific and unacceptable eugenics — that is leading society to dismiss the avoidable deaths of countless vulnerable people. People whose lives matter, but who are being made vulnerable by society's callous bigotry.

It was homophobia then, it's ableism now.

And the only way that that part of the comparison doesn't fit is if you don't truly believe that disabled people's lives matter.

And look, it's one thing if you didn't know it was this bad, a lot of people don't, and I'm really sorry you had to hear it from me. We've all been stepped in ongoing policies of denial, but I am begging you at this point to take some time to actually listen to disabled people on this one. It might just save your life.

And if you're looking for practical things that you can do, support your local clean air organization. These are popping up all over the world, including here in Naarm; providing access to clean air infrastructure for gigs, queer spaces, you name it.

The idea of this comparison is not supposed to be a depressing one, it's supposed to inspire change. If you're proud of our history, now's the time for you to be part of it in the present.

It was demonstrated then, and it's demonstrated now. We are all we have, but thankfully, we are all we need. We just need to act like it.

[end transcript]

source

if you're looking for another practical thing you can do right now, wear a mask in public indoor spaces and crowded outdoor spaces. Masking is community care.

[pancake-breakfast]

Alright, let's finish this up now before I have to read JJK's next chapter and be sad about that, too. Trigun Maximum Sadness.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 14, Chapters 7-8 below.

Chapter 7: Twin Wings

You know... Rem does indeed resemble Meryl here.

Yeah, explosions are noisy....

I feel like Orange took inspiration from this chapter's name for their big showdown in the final episode of Stampede.

Also also! Note they're both technically missing an arm at this point. And it's the opposite arm.

I'm honestly surprised Knives took the time to give himself some sort of Plant pants. I didn't think he cared that much. This is a seinen. They've had plenty of vags. I'm sure they could have got away with some dick.

I love how this page focuses on Knives' plant abilities, and on Vash's bullets.

Ha! Barefoot Knives! This is where Orange got that, too!

Ohhhhh, Knives' hair's all dark now, too. He burned a lot of energy regenerating his body, didn't he?

Cool sword, though. Of course he'd bring a knive to a gunfight.

"Everyone has abandoned me." Honey, you kind of forced your Plant sibs to join up with you, and you discarded the loyalties of the humans who followed you as worthless (especially Legato). Things might have turned out different if you'd approached all of that differently.

You know what they say: pride comes before the fall.

Dammit, Knives! This doesn't have to end in your death! You sound like freaking Legato! Seriously, man. You really should have spent some time getting to know and nurturing that boy. You guys could have learned so much from each other. And if you are gonna go all suicidal on this, for the love of God, don't force your brother to land the killing blow! There's a very important difference between going into a fight expecting to die and going into a fight hoping the other person will kill you.

Gratuitous Knives chest shot.

Knives lost to a one-armed Vash in a close-combat situation where Knives had a blade and Vash had a gun. That says a lot about the difference in their fighting abilities.

Ugh, Knives looks so sad now that Vash has a gun at his head. This isn't how he wanted things, and he's only now realizing maybe he could have done things differently.

But of course Vash doesn't pull the trigger.

Chronica?!?!

Vash is using his last bullet to save them both... and everyone below them, likely.

Ugh, looks like the power cost is maybe too much for Vash.

And Chronica's down.

Vash's angel wings!!! He's gotta save his brother!

Yeah, Vash just can't anymore. He's spent.

OMG THIS PANEL. Them flying (gliding?) using both their wings, so tangled up in each other it's hard to tell them apart, trying to save each other.

Dang, Chronica's determined.

Wait, what exploded behind her?

Livio?!? Gotta be him with that hat and cape. And Nightow suddenly drawing him in twink form again.

I doubt Chronica expected any of the humans of this place to try and save Knives.

I mean, if you're gonna have someone go after a Plant, I don't know that there's any human left alive more qualified than Livio. And he's bringing his full charm to the table, too.

Have I mentioned recently that I love Livio? I love Livio.

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!?! WHAT IS HAPPENING??!?!?!

HE LITIERALLY TURNS TO LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER TO TRY AND FIND WOLFWOOD WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?!?

Crybaby Livio.... <3 He knows he only has the chance to be here doing all this because of Wolfwood. He'll never forget that. It's etched in his soul.

Chapter 8: Never Ending Song

Last chapter last chapter last chapter last chapter last chapter...

Half a year?!?! Dude, Vash was supposed to come back to Meryl!

These Earth Fleet tank things remind me of the tachicoma from Ghost in the Shell.

Awww, Vashie.... His hair is sooooo dark....

Looks like the Earth Fleet is gonna help the people on No Man's Land thrive after all. Wasn't sure if this was just gonna turn into an evacuation run or what.

Dude, you can't tell Vash not to get all weepy. He's the type who cries (although I do think TriMax Vash is WAY less weepy than '98 Vash). Let him cry, if he needs.

Hahahahahaha, can you imagine? The world's #1 most dangerous terrorist, known for wanting to genocide your race, shows up on your doorstep dragging along his brother, who the news says is the #1 best chance you have at survival, and begs you to help him. At that point, I guess you'd just kinda go with it because literally what else can you do? Maybe the terrorist will change his mind halfway through or kill you later for not doing a good enough job or who even knows, but it's not like you're in any position to argue right then and there.

Oh, this man's a doctor, even.

OH HE DOESN'T KNOW VASH IS A PLANT.

Wow. Just... wow. I'd heard that Knives got appled, but... I don't know what I was expecting. Definitely not that he used what little of himself he had left to terraform part of No Man's Land so he could nurture the people whose destruction he'd spent 150 years plotting, the same people his brother loved so much and couldn't possibly help in this way because that same brother had to save all his power to defend all these people from Knives. Gods, what they could have done if this is where they had started, even crashing on a world as desolate as this. It's such a small gesture, not nearly enough to sustain a population. But it's so, so important. I'm tearing up over here.

Logic brain needs to shut the hell up with its talk about how the people probably don't know enough about actual plants to keep the tree healthy and thriving. Let me have this moment, logic brain.

Geez, I just realized they were hiding Vash in a secret underground safe room.

I don't know if Vash is physically capable of living a quiet life... but it's good that someone told him he should, and that he's done enough and then even more than that.

What the hell, Earth Forces? First off, it was you guys who sent a group down to Earth being like, "Vash is probably our last hope!" so why are you hunting him like this?? Second off, I get you being panicky about Knives, but it seems like you're not considering the human element here at all. Third off, lying about your time frame and then whipping out your guns is not a good way to win allies. Fourth off, didn't your oh-so-amazing intel let you know that the only people here aside from supposed Knives and Vash were an old doctor and his kid??

Yyyyeeeaaaahh, I see Vash's commitment to a quiet life has lasted about as long as his morning meditation does.

What a freaking gremlin. Shooting his gun into the air and causing a scene. Playing to his strengths, I guess. Really, though, I know he's doing it just the way he did before, with intention to save the most people even if it's at possible cost to himself. He's still Vash the Stampede. Nothing's gonna change that, and I mean that in the best way.

Hahahahaha, he's still crying about it.

LOL, he wants to get a fake beard. Is it 'cause it took him TWO FREAKING YEARS to grow his Eriks stubble???

Nightow, what the heck. You just HAD to get some more crazy bounty hunters in before the end, didn't you?

LOL, "dickless earthlings."

Aaaaand now they're all too busy fighting each other to bother with Vash.

Uh. Is that Meryl's boot? IS THAT MERYL'S SKIRT?!?!

YES IT'S MERYL!!! AND ALSO MILLY!!! Vash looks so relieved.

Meryl, on the other hand, looks like she's going to slap him. He'd deserve it.

And he's getting appropriately dressed down instead. This is reasonable punishment. Be ashamed, Vash. You should be.

I like how all the bounty hunters and such are just standing there in the background, watching. They're like, "We come in guns blazing, and this tiny woman says a few words and has him groveling on his knees. Who even is she??"

They're fighting back to back with him. THEY'RE FIGHTING BACK TO BACK WITH HIM JUST LIKE WOLFWOOD DID!!! They're all gonna go home together!!!

LOL, Meryl replacing her derringers with microphones. Ain't no one needing that many mics, lady. And Milly having a camera instead of her stun gun.

Fucking hell. They got me all excited that they were gonna fight at his back and now they're just interviewing him while fifty billion people stand by and watch in shock. I'm honestly a little mad at the girls for this.

I love this little song of Vash's, though.

"Stay tuned for wardrobe malfunctions, too!" LOLOLOL, girls, please let him keep his coat on. He's self-conscious about his scars.

I mean, all things considered, this is a great way to stop him from being hunted. They know him better than most, and getting the word out about him in a way that alleviates anyone's potential fear of him would help build a lot of bridges.

He looks less than thrilled to be interviewed, though.

Hahahahaha, I love this shout-out to so many of the characters who came through the story. We have Mr. Dynamite Neon and his goons, and Lina and the hamsters man that Vash told to protect the village, and the old couple with a geoplant and their son, and...

LIVIO GREW HIS HAIR BACK OUT AL;JSDF;AJD;LSFALJ;A

Ahhhhh, it looks like he's working at the orphanage, too! He looks so good and so happy and just... I'm so happy for him. <3 <3 <3

LOL, shout out to the Nebraskas in all their terribleness.

They're all watching him run away on live TV now. Even Chronica.

This color spread.... His hair might be black, but... but he looks so happy, even if he's running away again. Like he's in his element in the best way he ever could be.

Aaaand everyone's just chasing right after him.

I love how happy Milly looks about all this, too.

Now I'm full of warm fluffies, so if you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna bask in them for a bit.

Chapter Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6

Archive Intermission for Weird Tumblr Formatting Reasons!

Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5 + Bonus || Vol. 9: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 10: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-8 || Vol. 11: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 12: Covers + 1-3, 4-6, 7-9 || Vol. 13: Covers + 1-3, 4-6, 7-9 || Vol. 14: Covers + 1-3, 4-6, 7-8 (here)

Extra Credit Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt. 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash || Vol. 8: The Uncoordinated Counterattack || Vol. 9: Justice, Punishment, and Mercy, The Tolling of an Iron Bell || Vol. 10: Crucifixion Symbology (pt. 2 of post), Merging of Families, Being Childlike (And Why God Hates Chapel) || Vol. 11: New Hair, New Outlook

[terarria-sunflower]

Kite Playing botw

no warnings!

- he already practically lives in the wild: so if he’s ever in a city setting playing a video game, he wants something that takes him back to where he’s most comfortable, that lets him forget about the tall buildings around him and the crowds below him

- the survivalist lifestyle is second nature to him. it just makes sense. he approves of it. it's home to him.

- it’s nice for Kite to get to be a little silly when there aren’t any life or death consequences - wilds Link is a silly, chaotic man as we know, and his survival methods would be totally off brand for Kite. For example, I think of Link hefting giant two-handed clubs and swords at switches to flip them in shrines, whereas Kite would just tap them elegantly with his hands if he could, but it doesn’t irritate him. Quite the opposite, it’s an outlet for him to be a little more wild and crazy and flail his arms around you know?? he kinda gets into it, I can see him sticking his tongue out like a little kid focusing on the puzzle, and then tilting his switch from side to side when he has Link swing the big bat

- and sometimes Link just fucking runs around with his clothes off. Sometimes he has half an outfit on and isn’t dressed at all realistically for the weather, and Kite just thinks that’s funny that he’s just wandering around with half a shirt on in -70 degrees like it’s not Kite’s problem this time!!! He’s not the one getting cold he just gets to sit there and chortle

- cataloging animals and monsters!!! his natural biologist soul is so happy about that. It feels sciency, and it’s a goal he can eventually definitely complete with clear steps, which would be a nice repose from the unpredictability of real science and his real world responsibilities.

- he would know the names of every one of the birds, the wolves, the fish - even all the ones with the same skins that just have different colors or environments. I think it would also be his pet peeve that they reused skins so carelessly for some of them. Like for the Wasteland Coyotes and any of the wolves, he’d be frustrated there wasn’t a clear difference in appearance, and that coyotes behaved with the same AI as the wolves working in groups always. He wishes their behavior was more varied like in real life

- All the different varieties of weapons:) Crazy slots shows us that Kite isn’t a man to stick with any one weapon permanently, and he’d love how many different ones there were, and in combination with rods, shields and bows, and many fighting styles they could be tailored to

- he would have clear sets in his inventory that are meant to be used together, just like his slots ability that he would equip all together that compliment each other. it would be the same idea behind crazy slots for him, but fun for him because he gets to choose which one he wants instead of always having to roll. games are about having fun and this is how he does

- not necessarily the in game sets but ones he likes and builds himself

- botw calls Link every synonym that an E10 game could think of for ‘twink’ without raising that rating, and although Kite and Link may be opposite ends of the height spectrum and I love them both dearly they are twinks

- that word would never pass through Kite’s head but he would feel the kindred, slightly feminine energy from Link’s behavior and how he is perceived and feel a connection. it’s giving he/they vibes yk?

- all the bugs and little creatures he can collect

- he feels bad taking living specimens in real life because he condemns them to captivity, but he also feels sad taking dead ones and then studying them. Having little strings of math that look like fish and lizards that he can look at spread out all colorfully in his inventory feels nice and isn’t hurting anything though

- in general though the game is so soft, just like he is

- like i heard the game described as 'soft core apocalypse' one time, and it just matches his calm so perfectly well

- he navigates his calm with such confidence just like Link navigates the landscape

- and sometimes, the music pumps up and crises arise, Link finds someone who needs protecting, and Kite rolls his slots knowing the clown can’t be put to bed until blood has been spilt, so he does what the situation requires of him with his eyes flashing from deep under the brim of his hat

- oh I’ll give you a hot take though he does NOT like Sidon very much at all, acknowledges to himself that there’s nothing wrong with the guy but he looks very much like a chimera ant, and that bothers him. The dynamic of them having a bloated ruler especially would feel familiar, and Sidon's is kind of like a royal guard in his eyes

- so by extension he’d probably have that same discomfort with Revali, and all the zora and rito

- chimera ants can’t eat rocks though so the gorons are just fine

- although the fact that the zora and rito have children running around would make it a little better for him - it would remind him that they are a normal species, they didn’t all just pop out of eggs as fully formed adults

- he’d like that most of the journey is by himself.

- he enjoy the balance between solo adventuring and exploring and being able to go check in with his good friends all over the world and be in safety for the night whenever he needed

- in real life he’s probably not with his research team constantly, especially since he’s the strongest member, he explores any dangerous areas by himself. He’s one of the world’s strongest nen users, that can feel a little lonely sometimes, and people are always asking for something from him, just like everyone wants some kind of favor from Link

- in conclusion, botw is Kite Simulator™️

[katakosmos]

I NEED ur opinion on regulus

or regulily (platonic)

or even jegulily

because 1. is my wild eyed poet twink, 2. is my two opposites are similar? and 3. is just fun as a dynamic yk

believe me i was just about to share some thoughts about him... i'm gonna copy and paste everything here...

LMAO btw, this might me controversial, but i actually headcanon regulus as aromantic. i think he slept with some boys (only strangers or people he didn't care about), because he actually quite liked sex, but he never felt the need to be in a relationship. i also need to admit that everything that invloves regulus and james in a romantic or sexual context is... mhm. not really my thing :')

also, i view the barty/pandora/evan/regulus friendship as a really close circle, so regulus and lily were not friends friends, BUT my regulus is a really soft guy and i think he admired lily a lot. they certainly met to study sometimes and lily, who never asked anyone for help, often felt that only regulus was able to understand and reassure her.

let me add some regulus thoughts to explain better. so... regulus (but a version of him that i actually like and that doesn't make me uncomfortable):

1) he's a person who minds his own business, he's quiet but also extremely calm. he's the pillar of his friend group, preventing evan, pandora and barty from destroying each other. he's patient and he's the right person to talk to and ask for advice. he smiles, regulus smiles 😨, just a little bit but he often does. think of him as a therapist. he's just a calming presence.

2) he's a everlasting student and a poet. as the second born of a wealthy family, he always knew that he would be on the margins. and that's perfect for him, because he desires nothing more than to retreat to a small house away from everyone, live isolated and dedicate himself to his biggest passion: art. he doesn't need a job because he has a small inheritance, and he doesn't feel the need to have a family. he has a slightly monotonous life, but he doesn't mind: every now and then he misses pandora, because initially he wanted to live with her, but, after she met xenophilius, he decided not to ask her.

3) he was never interested in politics or family matters, because it wasn't his world and he knew that was sirius' job. so, when sirius ran away from home, he found himself dragged to meetings he didn't understand and his parents talked to him about things he wasn't interested in. he joined the death eaters because his parents told him to and he simply obeyed. he didn't care about all that stuff, and deep down he hoped sirius would come back. but then, as he began to know voldemort and to understand his goals, regulus realized that they didn't agree with his ideals and he decided to take the initiative. he knew he could no longer live a life away from his family, but he also had no intention of being controlled.

(his death devastated evan, pandora and barty and it was the cause of their destruction).

he's... just a chill guy really.

[laurenkmyers]

okay i'm weirdly intrigued by this idea you mentioned about your ship pairings and i want to know about a few you mentioned in particular, vegaspete/kinnporsche, bellarke (girl u good?), fortpeat/prapaisky, firstkhao/raysand and if you wanna explain a few others feel free

HA! I really thought that post was just gonna float off into the tumblr ether never to be addressed again.

okay, so. i don't really know how to explain it in further detail other than to say that pete can go off and make out with porsche, or arm, or some rando and i'd be like, cool, go baby, you do you. but if vegaspete were even just a thought in vegas' head and he goes off and fucks someone else i am claws out, will fight you to the death motherfucker. anyone comes near vegas and i will literally poison them myself. it makes me jittery knowing he was such a slutty slut before pete. it's almost like i'm jealous on pete's behalf. but i guess it also doesn't help that i know probably half the men he fucked before he probably didn't even want to fuck. and that makes my head hurt. i know it's not rational. but it's where my brain goes sometimes.

and yet kinnporsche is the complete opposite. kinn is a slutty slut before porsche and i am all here for him slutting it up even when kp were getting their flirt on and trying to 'forget about their night together' i was all for him trying to rough up that little twink. but if kp is just at the looking but not touching stage and porsche goes off with someone else i'm gonna rip the other person to shreds. male? female? idgaf, i'll come for you.

bellarke. HA. am i good you ask? oh. i'm barely clinging onto my sanity. but bellarke was so much fun before it all went to shit. my bisexual queen clarke could fuck whoever she wanted (except finn because ew girl) and it did not bother me one bit. i shipped the fuck out of her and niylah, oooft. but the moment bellamy got with someone else i wanted to rip their throats out with my bare teeth. do not get me started on blecho.

fortpeat and firstkhao (i view these differently because they're real people and not characters so it's not necessarily about them being a couple, more who they are partnered with)

fortpeat. some BN and FP fans might have me destroyed for admitting this, but i would fucking murder to see peat and boss being paired up for at least one project. i think they'd work so fucking well together and their chemistry would be FIRE. but the thought of fort being paired with someone other than peat makes my tummy hurt. prapaisky might actually be my only exception actually. i don't like the thought of either of them being with anyone else.

firstkhao are the same. i've seen first paired with multiple people and i am OBSESSED with that boy. he has chemistry with literally everyone. he could flirt with a tree and i'd ship it. but the thought of khao and anyone other than first makes me sad. but their only friends characters have already started having the affect on me. i want to see sand being a slutty slut and making his sex money and making ray jealous. but the thought of ray and anyone not sand is making me antsy.

i dunno. it's a weird thing my brain does with ships/pairings. there are no rational thoughts behind it. my brain just decides one of you is okay to be a massive slut and one isn't allowed within ten feet of someone who isn't the person i want them to be with.

[strawberryjamsara]

may we know which interpretation of a character from ur shows u do not agree with and find to be in slightly poor taste u reblogged that post 5 times about 👀

I reblogged that post way more than five times I thought….

And well it applies to a lot of characters… but for what I’m thinking about now it’s the entire cast of yttd

This game is literally about a death cult that’s been training people for a murder game against their knowledge their whole lives. You’d think the fandom would be able to shoulder more moral complexity than 7 year olds.

Qtaro is beloved nowadays for his stellar character arc, but before 3-1b and even now, his tag is uninhabitable. No matter how much he changed from his pretty indefensible actions in the first chapter, even a line in the second chapter main game that was pretty much just turning towards the camera and telling you he had changed, people were VICIOUS at the idea that he could show any moral complexity and growth. People were outraged over a man called Qtaro Burberberg who was a parody of Jojo characters, and making headcanons about him being homophobic (which is a whole other can of worms but I don’t have time for that today)

Then we have the opposite spectrum. Characters who are loved.

Kai Satou, literal ex assassin who drank poison as a child? Apparently he doesn’t know what swears are.

Nao Egokoro, who in one route of the game kills everyone? Like that happens. She kills everyone. Well she’s just a cutesy artist lesbian.

(Also Kai threatened Nao at knifepoint to attack an innocent person in canon but that never gets unpacked anywhere in the fandom)

Hell the uwufication has gotten so bad that Shin Tsukimi SHIN FUCKING TSUKIMI, the antagonist of the game for a good chunk of the run time is reduced down to being just a little guuuuuuy! Baby booooooy! The fact he spent so long tormenting a literal child is treated as a funny little quirk! And look, I’ll be the first person to advocate for Shin and Sara being a well written relationship and their eventual bond meaning a lot to me, but Shin has gotten so many passes for being a fan favorite and (dare I say it) being a twink.

And like. There’s also the weird limbo with Keiji. Oooooh Keiji. See, you can make a post pointing out Shins mistakes and everyone goes “He’s so funny <3” but if you make a very similar post about Keiji the literal day after those people will say “Ugh, thank you this is why I hate Keiji.”

So look. I love Keiji. I make fanart of Keiji. I obsessively write meta of Keiji. I blorbo tag Keiji. I am like the only person in the world who thinks that with the way Nankidai has written the story, killing off Keiji would be a bad move…

But here’s the thing.

Keiji is a flawed character. Like extremely flawed. He’s meant to be a direct foil to Shin, but rather than antagonizing our main character, he’s sitting in the chair next to her as her main assistant. He cares about her deeply, but in the beginning of the game, his only interest with her is using her as a figurehead for his own survival, and no matter how much he wants to protect her now, that initial approach is not without consequences. He has hurt people, and he uses that fact to hurt people more as his own self inflicted punishment. He has changed and grown over the narrative but he’s not someone you can put in an easy box of good or bad.

So people tend to go to one extreme or the other with him. Either he’s the best dad who does no wrong, or he is the worst character ever and the game would be so much better without him. It really sucks that Keiji and Sara, one of the most complex and interesting relationships in the game, and one that is out front and center so comically often, to the point that 3-1b revolves around it, is ignored to such a degree that the contract, the main point of that scene, the fact you were meant to be put in Sara’s shoes and feel her making that decision was missed by the fandom so they could whine about not getting to make the decision themselves! Reading comprehension zero! Literally where is the meta and fanfic?! Greenblings has tons of it! Do I have to do everything mys-

Also like, there’s also characters explicitly meant to be not sympathetic who do get sympathy. Like, idk how hard Nankidai has to look into the camera and tell you Midori is just like that for you to stop giving him backstories. People probably do that so it’s easier to ship him with Shin tbh. Stop that.

Okay one last thing, and I’ll stop. This fandom is weirdly focused on shipping. Like I love shipping don’t get me wrong, but yttd is like not about shipping. At all. There’s twenty different extremely fucked up and interesting found family dynamics in the game and people are worried about whose Alice gonna take to the jailhouse prom. Okay. Gothi out.

[turtlemagnum]

i feel like araki drawing his older characters in his more recent art styles is like the opposite of twink death. twink life, if you will

like god damn he's shaped like a normal 17 year old now. what the hell

[evilwickedme]

The thing I find most fascinating about Spider Gwen in general and Matt Murderdock in particular is the way their narrative and themes so directly contrast and contradict and comment on 616 canon.

Like. I just read the Death of the Stacys, and these are such iconic moments in the history of Spider-Man, but at the end of the day Gwen Stacy's death is so much more about Peter's grief than it is about Gwen's life being cut short. Meanwhile in Spider Gwen we don't even get to meet Peter before he dies; his entire purpose is to haunt Gwen, to be her Uncle Ben and Gwen Stacy and Green Goblin combined, even before Harry turns into earth 65's Green Goblin. He is the one who drives her to be a hero, who drives so much of the plot, a stand in for her failure and yet also the reason she continues to do what's right. His death haunts her not exactly in the way Gwen's death haunts Peter, because they weren't romantically involved, but also not exactly like Uncle Ben haunts Peter, because they were peers, childhood friends.

The fact that Peter is so much of a character in Spider Gwen comics but only after his death is a direct commentary on the fact that Gwen Stacy is often relegated in 616!Spider-Man comics to "the dead girlfriend", maybe his biggest failure as a hero, but not much else. In the introduction to Death of the Stacys, Gerry Conway calls her "boring". She was Peter's girlfriend, but not much else - the TASM movies made her incredibly interesting, smart and funny and charming, but the original comics, back in the 60s and 70s, weren't particularly interested in making her much of anything at all.

65!Peter has, on the other hand, such strong characterization that even though we never once see him alive we can't help but feel Gwen's grief even without having spent much time with him. There's also the fact that while by the time 616!Gwen dies she has no family left, 65!Peter's Aunt May and Uncle Ben are very much still alive and actively mourning their nephew's death. It's difficult to impossible while reading Spider Gwen comics to not constantly compare these two stories and see how much more deftly handled 65!Peter is than 616!Gwen.

The fact that traditionally Daredevil and Spider-Man are friends, then, is part of what makes Matt Murderdock such a compelling villain. By all rights he should be Gwen's closest ally; and while he is drawn to her, it is from the perspective of someone trying to ruin everything she stands for - everything 65!Peter's death has taught her to try to be. He, himself, is 616!Matt's complete inversion - he's a killer, he's a member of the Hand instead of fighting against them, he's actively the Kingpin (and previously friend to Wilson Fisk) instead of fighting against organized crime, and while he was roommates with Foggy in college, they are not partners in a productive fashion, but rather in a way that shows corruption in 65!Foggy that 616!Foggy is constantly learning to fight against. Murderdock is a lapsed Catholic, a man whose morals are in complete opposition to 616!Matt - and yet, in a way, he feels as though there's something deeply wrong in who he is, and that is what drives him to try and corrupt Spider Woman. He says it himself - it is a selfish need to prove that he is not the only one who is corruptible. In a way, it actually proves that at his core, given other circumstances, he would have grown into someone very similar to 616!Matt.

This is what compels me so about Murderdock and the Spider Gwen narrative. Yeah, Murderdock is a sarcastic twink and I love him for that too, but on a thematic level it is not only its own story, but also a story about our main continuity. What 616 did wrong, and how it could have gone wrong. And that's just... So interesting to me.

Anyway read Spider-Gwen

[cinnaminsvga]

Dumbo | Jungkook (M)

→ summary: you know what they say about boys with big noses...

{or alternatively: jungkook has a big dick but he doesn’t know how to use it, but luckily you’re there to help.}

→ genre: humor/crack, smut → warnings: they talk about dicks a lot (i.e. jungkook has a big dick), DICK MEASURING CONTESTS (aka jk gets his dick appraised... just boys bein’ boys), explicit sexual content, semi-public exhibitionism, handjobs, blowjobs, sub!jungkook, whining, light dirty talk, mild pain play, mutual masturbation, jungkook has piercings, accidental edging (you’ll... understand), oc doesn’t have a gag reflex lol → words: 17.2K → a/n: @jincherie... you are my enabler and i will die on this hill only if you die on it with me. but of course i know you will die with me. because we only have one braincell and if either of us die, we both do. thank you for commissioning me to write this btw... even though i was already writing this so you just basically sent me money for free. ANYWAY... WORLD IS FUCK BUT I LOVE RHA!! ALSO JUNGKOOK HAS A BIG DICK!! EPIC!!

The club lights make it difficult for Jungkook to see anything. He doesn’t understand why club owners can’t just jack up the lighting for once; it isn’t like you’re going to be able to find a hook-up through echolocation or something. Though, judging by the way people seem to be groping their way through the masses, perhaps there really is no need for illumination anyway.

Jungkook normally hates this kind of scene. Drinking is all good and fun, especially when he’s with his hyungs, but going to overly crowded places makes his skin crawl with anxiety. It takes almost three shots during pre-game for him to get anywhere near this kind of place and it’s all thanks to Seokjin. That hyung thrives in these kinds of environments, like a clipped butterfly relearning how to fly.

“I’m gonna get shit fucked wasted!” Seokjin hollers, his arm looped carelessly around the only other person who hates being here as much as Jungkook does. He watches passively as Yoongi tries to bite a chunk off of Seokjin’s hand, but despite his inebriation, their eldest hyung is able to dodge it quickly.

“Not before I kill you, then everyone else in this place, and then myself, first.” Yoongi growls, nudging Seokjin off his smaller frame. If the world hadn’t been swaying underneath Jungkook’s feet, he might have offered to help his small hyung do the deed. If there’s anyone who hates nightclubs more than Jungkook, it’s Yoongi. Jungkook is frightened to know how Seokjin managed to convince Yoongi in the first place, and he’d prefer not to find out what sort of terrible blackmail the elder must have under his sleeve to accomplish such an arduous feat.

Just as Yoongi is about to connect his steel-toed boot up Seokjin’s freshly bleached asshole, Jimin returns from the bar with three glasses held precariously in each of his fists. Jungkook wonders yet again how this is possible due to the sheer tininess of Jimin’s hands, but then again... What can’t Jimin do when it comes to alcohol?

“I’m back! Here you go, Jungkookie,” Jimin says, seamlessly handing Jungkook a glass of what he hopes is just a regular beer like he asked. Knowing Jimin, he probably ordered the strongest shit they have. He peers at it suspiciously, but it only takes half a sip for Jungkook to confirm his guess. He grimaces, nearly coughing out a lung at the strength of the poison running down his throat.

“That tasted like fucking metal polish! What the fuck, Jimin?”

“I know! It’s great isn’t it?” Jimin smiles angelically, handing Yoongi one of the drinks. Yoongi looks at the swirling piss-yellow liquid as if it holds the secrets to the universe. It appears as if he’s decided something when his eyes light up.

“Oh my god, this drink is gonna kill me,” he says, not an ounce of fear in his voice. Jimin nods, not even trying to hide his deception.

“I promised the bartender a blowie if he could give me the strongest shit they had,” Jimin shrugs. “Dude literally went to the back room and took out this bottle that looked like it came from Napoleon’s secret stash of hooker piss.” He sniffs the drinks thoughtfully. “Yea, I could believe that.”

“I hate this!” Jungkook cries at no one in particular.

“Tough shit! We’re in this together!” Yoongi groans, downing the entire contents of his drink in one go before promptly being swallowed whole by the crowd. Seokjin hoots, hastily waving goodbye to Jungkook and Jimin before following Yoongi and diving into the sweaty masses like a seasoned Olympian.

“I hope they don’t die like last time,” Jungkook sighs, forcing himself to take a big gulp of his drink. It sears against his throat like a brand, which probably has an inscription saying “Jeon Jungkook has bad taste in friends.”

Jimin shrugs his shoulders. “Well, like Namjoon said a while ago, we’re gonna meet by the bar in 2 hours to check if everyone is still alive and we’ll find out then. Okay, Kook?”

Jimin has reminded him of this for the umpteenth time, though he can’t blame him for being extra careful. Last time the whole gang went to the club, Hoseok had gotten stuck in an elevator at his hook-up’s place and had cried for 5 hours straight before one of them thought to look for him. The time before that, Taehyung had ingested two times his bodyweight of margaritas and he had found himself in Japan the next morning with an extra $500 in his pocket.

Yeah. They’re idiots, but at least they’re idiots who will try not to make the same mistakes as last time. Key word being “try.”

Jungkook looks around the club, but he can’t find any awkward looking lanky people anywhere. “Where is Namjoon-hyung, by the way? Haven’t seen him since we split up.”

“Who the hell knows?” Jimin laughs, the sound drowning out when the DJ suddenly decides to play a death metal version of Dance the Night Away by Twice. Jimin’s eyes light up. “Ooooh shit! This is my song! See ya later, Kook!”

“W-wait, those drinks! Aren’t they for the others––“

“Bitch, you think these are for them?” Jimin begins to double fist his alcohol with the thirstiness of a man in a desert, or a twink confronted with two dicks. Either or.

To Jungkook’s horror, the crowd has seemingly grown thrice in size since they’ve arrived and he watches as Jimin’s body is slowly getting consumed by the masses, though he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. He leans into a random guy's back, a look of bliss on his face. He salutes lazily at Jungkook. “Anyway. See you in 2 hours, Kook! Try to have fun!”

Try to have fun, his ass.

Unlike Jimin, Jungkook doesn’t particularly feel like being crushed by sweaty hormonal bodies; instead, he chooses to head to the bar. He surreptitiously dumps his drink into the trash, feeling kind of bad for discarding a free drink, but Jungkook doesn’t want to get shit-fucked wasted like the rest of them are. Perhaps he’ll be the designated driver today, even though his vision is still kind of swimming. Well, he could probably walk in a straight line if he used all his brainpower. Which isn’t a lot, but you know. People learn to make do.

It takes him a while to find an empty stool by the bar and he is unlucky enough to be squished between two couples who don’t seem to be aware that public indecency is a crime. He has to endure being jostled for five minutes straight until the bartender finally notices him and allow him to order his can of coke.

(“Sorry, kid. The banana milk is all sold out. Some girl ordered our entire stock for her friends a few hours ago.” And just like that, Jungkook wants to die all over again.)

He does not know for how long he sits by the bar. Well, that’s a blatant lie, because he knows that he’s been sitting there for 18 minutes and 34 seconds exactly. He’s checked his phone religiously every 2 minutes to see if 2 hours have passed already, just so he can ask one of his stupid friends to go home with him. Perhaps he could coerce Jimin into turning in early for once (which is a pipedream, not when the DJ seems adamant to play Jimin’s favorite Christina Aguilera song 70 times in a row.)

So in short, Jungkook is miserable. He could go home by himself, but also he doesn’t want to end up having to walk to the police station the next morning to bail his friends out after one of them inevitably destroys public property again.

Fuck. Maybe he shouldn’t have thrown away his other drink.

He’s so deep in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice that one of the couples beside him have already left and that another person has taken their spot. He is jarred from his musings when a well-manicured hand is placed delicately on his shoulder, urging him to swivel the barstool around to face his soon-to-be acquaintance.

“Hey,” you say, a sultry smile on your lips. Jungkook feels his mouth immediately fill with cotton as he stares at your beautiful face, the dingy lighting of the club doing nothing to suppress the wicked glint in your eyes.

“Uhh… hey?” Jungkook replies, as charming and verbose as ever. If it isn’t obvious enough, Jungkook is a little lacking in the girls department, or at least, when it comes to girls-who-are-blatantly-flirting with him department. He normally isn’t this socially inept around the opposite gender, but given the connotations of this circumstance, his overactive male brain can only be restrained so much before it starts wandering towards dangerous territory.

It doesn’t help that the neckline of your dress is bordering on obscene, and Jungkook is afraid that if you move one more inch towards him, something very embarrassing might happen to the both of you (probably more so for him, if he’s being quite honest.)

“I couldn’t help but notice you from across the club and thought I should introduce myself,” you explain, gaze unashamedly trailing down his body. Jungkook can feel the heat from you radiating in waves, burning him from the inside out as he tries not to melt into a puddle in a pathetic attempt to get the fuck out of there.

“You saw me? But it’s… so dark in here…” Jungkook wants to fucking murder himself. That’s what he decides to say to you? God, no fucking wonder he’s a virgin. Good looks really aren’t everything when he doesn’t have a brain controlling the rest of his body. There might as well be a fucking hamster running laps inside of his skull for all he knew.

Thankfully (or unthankfully––God knows Jungkook’s stress levels aren’t lowering any time soon), you find his response funny enough to warrant a chuckle. You bat your eyes salaciously at him, which Jungkook didn’t even think was possible. People can be sexy? When they blink? Apparently, you can do that.

You shrug your shoulders. “That’s true. You caught me in a lie, I suppose. I actually knew you were coming even before you arrived.”

Jungkook chokes on his own spit then, nearly spraying you with his saliva like the dog that he is. His eyes bug out of his sockets, his body going tense with nerves. "You... you knew? What... What does that even mean?"

You point over your shoulder, gesturing vaguely at the crowd on the dance floor. "I'm friends with Seokjin over there. He mentioned you were coming with him to the club tonight so I decided to tag along."

"You know Seokjin-hyung?" The alarm bells in Jungkook's head start ringing wildly out of control. Nothing good ever comes out of being friends with Seokjin, especially since his presence alone has the power to make the creases in your brain to smoothen. Take it from someone who's been there, done that.

"Yep," you say, popping your 'p.' "I met him in my first-year English course, though I still don't know why a third-year like him was taking it in the first place."

"It's because he doesn't know how to read," Jungkook says plainly.

"I can tell. He uses voice-to-text exclusively and Siri can never spell Asian names correctly," you shrug your shoulders. "Either that, or he just doesn't know how to spell your name."

"Yea. I'm permanently John Jung Cock on his phone," Jungkook replies. He shakes his head. "Hold on, we were talking about something before this."

"Oh. About how I casually revealed to you that I was stalking you through our mutually insane friend?"

"Y-Yea, basically." Jungkook doesn't even understand what the fuck is happening right now. "I mean! Not exactly? Like, for all I know, you could've just asked hyung who he was coming with and he mentioned my name and––"

"Listen, kid. I straight up just told you I'm stalking you. Let's skip the foreplay and get to the meat of it: I'm literally following you," you say, without an inch of regret, embarrassment, or morality in your tone of voice.

Jungkook, who despite being filled with so much fear and tension enough to kill the small hamster inside his brain, is somehow able to keep his calm in front of the psychopath in front of him. Either that, or he's already in the middle of a stroke and he's lost all his fine motor skills.

"I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, baby," you murmur, leaning even closer to him until your chest was practically pressed against his. The thin layer of your dress and his well-worn cotton tee does nothing to help the situation (both in general and the one in his pants). He can feel your every curve, can smell the sweet perfume you're wearing; you were enveloping his senses. If he tried hard enough, he could probably count your eyelashes if he so desired with how close you were.

He knows he should probably be running away in terror right now, but he finds himself stuck resolutely to the barstool, unable to move. Maybe Jimin was right... Maybe he did have a fear kink or something.

("Isn't that just called masochism?" Jungkook asks, brows raised.

Jimin only laughs, patting him on the back condescendingly. "Nah, dude. You just straight up wanna die by the hands of a hot person, and I can respect that homie. We all have been there.")

“W-what do you want from me?” Jungkook asks, sweat lining his brow. You’re still looking at him like he was a meal, but he finds he probably doesn’t mind being devoured by you.

Your wicked grin returns, full force. “I just want to play, Jungkook. But why don’t we discuss this… somewhere more private?”

Thunk. Was that the sound of his heart dropping out of his ass, or his brain pressing against the left side of his skull, or his dick hitting the roof? Jungkook isn’t sure, but he does know he wants to see where this night will take him.

He lets you lead the way, squeezing through sweaty bodies and elbowing a stray hand or two. Jungkook swears he feels a guy grope him on the way out, but before he can even sock the guy in the jaw, you’re already one step ahead of him. You hiss menacingly at the dudebro, raising your long acrylic nails in a show of dominance like you’re from some wildlife documentary. The guy audibly whines, running away from the two of you with his tail between his legs.

Jungkook stares at you incredulously. “How the fuck did you––”

“I’ve gone to tango classes with that dude. I have his mom’s phone number,” you explain nonchalantly. Instantly, Jungkook feels himself hardening in his pants.

You manage to get to where the washroom stalls are. You brazenly walk past the line of girls at the women’s section, but Jungkook is even more confused when you also pass by the men’s section. You turn the corner, where a bunch of tables and chairs were being kept. Then, you begin to knock down some of the extra chairs stacked against the wall, which is where Jungkook discovers there is an unused wheelchair accessible washroom.

“Why is this washroom being kept hidden?” he wonders aloud, sneaking guilty looks over his shoulder. No one seems to have noticed that the two of you are blatantly trespassing property, but you don’t look all that stressed about it.

You look at him weirdly. “Dude. You can barely walk in this club without getting groped, poked, or doped. As much as I’m all for accessibility, I don’t think wheelchair-bound people are gonna have much of a good time here.”

Jungkook feels as though he should be saying something profound about the need for establishments to be accessible or something, but the strain in his pants really wasn’t doing many wonders on his verbosity right now. Maybe next time.

You make quick work of the barricade and you get the door open in no time. You push him hastily inside, making him yelp as he tries to find his way around the darkened room. You flip the switch on somewhere behind him, illuminating the washroom to find… a toilet. That’s it.

“Well, they certainly didn’t think about interior decorating,” Jungkook says, laughing nervously as you click the door locked. He turns, watching as you pull the black elastic that was on your wrist and begin to tie your hair. You smile cheekily at him, the implications of what is about to happen very much apparent.

“Nah, they didn’t. But the room gets the job done and that’s all we want, don’t we?” You purr, taking the two short steps you need to get close to him once more. You trail a well-manicured nail down his chest, circling around his nipple teasingly but not doing anything more. His breathing turns more shallow, and he knows for sure that his eyes must look crazed to you right now.

You bring your finger lower and lower, grazing the top of his belt buckle and staying there. You look up at him, licking your lips as your gaze trails down to his own. Once again, he feels paralyzed as you take him in and he wishes for all the horny gods from above that you would finally end the torture and finally close the distance.

Taking some pity on him, you rest your lips against his throat, suckling gently enough that Jungkook knows it won’t leave a mark. His hands instantly come up to grab your waist, as if urging you to go harder, to make it hurt.

You smirk against his skin, deciding at that moment to bite down, hard. Jungkook yelps, before the sound morphs into an unabashed moan. His cheeks pinken, embarrassed at the volume of his voice.

“I-I…”

“Don’t worry, Jungkook…” you whisper, soothing the bite with your tongue. You pop off his skin, your lips slightly redder than before. “I’ll take good care of you, darling.”

See, Jungkook doesn’t doubt you in the slightest. As for his own skills at taking care of you when the time comes… now that’s a little bit of a gamble.

Jungkook isn’t a virgin, per se… He lost his virginity during his last year of high school to some girl he met at a party, and suffice to say, he didn’t last long. He’s had a few girlfriends in the past, but none of them ever wanted to get with him once they saw his dick. You see, he had a bit of a problem…

He wasn’t small, by the way. Don’t get him wrong. In fact, he was kinda––

Jungkook is pulled away from his thoughts when you suddenly drop down to your knees, your hands grabbing onto his thighs for support. He’s almost worried that you’d injured yourself from how fast you’d dropped, but you don’t seem all that bothered by how deftly your fingers moved to unbuckle his belt.

When you get it loosened, your hands stop by the button of his jeans and you look up at him with expectation. Jungkook almost whines when your hands drift back to your lap.

You snort, amused. “What? You think I’m gonna do all the work here, buddy? Come on, strip for me.” you say, sitting on your haunches as you wait for him to move.

The strain in his pants was getting downright painful at this point, so Jungkook is more than eager to follow your orders. Still, his hands are shaking the entire time, so it takes him a few extra seconds before he can finally unbutton his stupid jeans and pull down his stupid zipper. Even through his loose boxers, the outline of his dick is very apparent, with a small wet spot already staining the front of his boxers a darker blue.

“Uh, I have to say a disclaimer first though,” Jungkook squeaks, suddenly shy under the intense gaze you were pointing straight at his dick. It twitches slightly, and your eyes follow it like a cat ready to pounce. “I’m… kinda on the bigger side, so I just want to ask if you’re sure––”

“Baby, I was sure even before I came to this club,” you say, trance-like. Your fists clench and unclench by your sides. “Now, shut up before I change my mind.”

“But––” Jungkook doesn’t get to finish his sentence, stunned to silence when you quite literally rip his boxers off of him like a magician trying to prove something. His dick springs up half-way, still not fully hard as it’s always taken him a little bit more goading before he can get to full mast. Yea, he was that big.

You stare at it for a moment, going cross-eyed as you stared at his tip head-on like some sort of perverse gun barrel. You don’t move for so long that Jungkook is afraid that he might have freaked you out with the size of his cock, though you wouldn’t be the first in a long shot. He’s about to apologize, prepared to pull up his pants in shame and walk home with half a log in his crotch. He’s already shifting his jeans back up when you place a hand on his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“Wait. Are you, like, only half-hard right now?” you ask, voice quiet.

Jungkook flushes. “Y-yeah… It gets a little bit bigger when I’m fully… You know…” he says, trailing off.

You’re still looking at his dick, but after further assessment, Jungkook realizes that you don’t look horrified in the slightest. In fact, you look pleased. “Jesus fuck you’re huge! Like… almost abnormally so.”

Jungkook literally feels like he’s going to die (and he hates that it’s kinda making him even hornier). “I guess so?”

“That’s a fucking log! You could stand on that thing!”

“I don’t think that’s possible, but––”

“Seokjin had told me you were huge, but I didn’t believe him because, well, the way he described it was that you had a literal third leg hiding under there. Who would have thought that Seokjin isn’t full of shit after all,” you say, awestruck.

“I’m really not that big––wait, Seokjin has talked to you about my dick? What the fuck? Since WHEN?” Seokjin was just out there in the world? Telling strangers about his dick? That hyung is seriously getting smashed WWE style the next time he sees him, and it’s NOT going to be sexy.

You wave him off. “Oh, don’t worry. He doesn’t just tell anyone. He let it slip because he was defending your honor,” you shrug.

In the midst of Jungkook’s mental breakdown at the realization that one of his closest friends just told a random girl that he’s got a meter long King Kong dong, he doesn’t notice that you’ve already stood up from where you were kneeling. You pull down the toilet seat cover, seating yourself on it and rubbing your reddened knees with a pout. “Ouch. Damn, I’m not used to kneeling for men anymore. Sorry, where was I? Oh right!”

You snap your fingers together, smiling gleefully at Jungkook. “So! I dragged you in here to give you my proposition, you see. I have a deal to make with you.”

Jungkook looks down at his cock, which was still red and dripping pre-cum, before turning back to you. “And this has something to do with… my dick?”

“Precisely!” you cheer, glad that he seems to be on the same page as you when he was in fact, not. “Sorry about tricking you, by the way. I’ll suck your dick after this if you’re still game, but only if you agree with my plan.”

“Your plan?”

“Yep,” you say, popping your ‘p’ once more. “You see, I have an ex-boyfriend. His name is Lee Taeyong, ever heard of him?”

Jungkook vaguely knows the upperclassman, though he can’t say he’s ever spoken to him. “Kinda. What does he have to do with me?”

“Well, if you really heard of him, then you’d already be one step ahead. Seeing as how it’s not already connecting for you––” you point to his dick, poking the sensitive head with the grace of a 5-year old at a petting zoo, “––then you don’t know that Lee Taeyong has the biggest dick on campus. Allegedly.”

“Allegedly,” Jungkook repeats. He still doesn’t follow.

“Well, I wouldn’t know either because I’ve never seen his dick, so––”

“Wait wait wait. Wait.” Jungkook’s hamster brain is running a mile a minute. There have been way too many absurdities spoken in the last five minutes and he doesn’t think he’s drunk enough to deal with your insanity right now. “Let’s dissect this one at a time, shall we? First of all, how can you not know how big your boyfriend’s dick is?”

“My ex-boyfriend. And we only dated for like three days, and I don’t fuck until a week has passed, okay? I don’t play like that,” you say as if you didn’t just lure Jungkook to this dingy washroom only to give him blue balls and trauma.

“Okay, whatever. So what if he has a big dick? What does that have to do with me?”

You roll your eyes. “How can you not understand yet? I’m on the hunt for our university’s biggest dick, of course! And you, Jungkook, might just be my ticket to the number one prize.”

There is a long pause. Jungkook stares and stares at you, waiting for you to shout “Surprise! You’re being pranked, bro!” and for all the cameramen to come out and shower him in confetti and dollar bills or something. But no, nothing like that happened. He just continues to stand there with his dick out, while you sit on a dingy toilet seat with your legs crossed comfortably as if you were just two friends having a regular conversation.

After a while, Jungkook comes to a conclusion. “You’re being serious.”

You snort, annoyed as if you were the one being inconvenienced. “Of course I am, dude. I don’t stalk just about anybody to see their dick. I’m not that insane.”

Jungkook feels as though your judgment on sanity should probably be taken with a grain of salt. “S-sure. Right. You’re definitely not insane.”

“And you have a big dick! I’m glad you can see where I’m coming from,” you say, nodding sagely. You peer at his dick once more, brows furrowed as you think deeply to yourself. “Hmm… Yea, I’d say you’d be at least equally as big as him. If all else fails, I can split the winnings and get half the amount of money if you––”

“No,” Jungkook says.

You raise your brow. “Yes?” you try.

“Yes–I mean, what? No!” Jungkook repeats, shaking his head furiously. "Are you even hearing yourself? You expect me to get into a dick measuring contest with your ex just so you can, what? Get revenge on him or something?"

"Not for revenge." You lean closer to him, face inches away from his dick but you don't seem perturbed in the slightest. "It's for money," you whisper, grinning slyly.

"Money," Jungkook repeats.

You clap your hands excitedly. "Exactly! So Taeyong and I didn't actually break up on bad terms. We only got together to make Doyoung, his crush, jealous enough to confess his feelings. But now, that dumb bitch thinks that now that he's with Taeyong, he can make fun of me for not being able to handle Taeyong's dark horse cock––"

"Can you please stop talking like an insane person," Jungkook pleads. His comment remains unheard.

"––so we made a bet that Taeyong doesn't actually have the biggest dick on campus and that I'm dating a guy with an even bigger meat thermometer than he does," you finish, snapping your fingers with a flourish. There's a twinkle in your eye: it's misplaced excitement coupled with extreme insanity, Jungkook realizes.

"That's good and all, but there's just one problem."

"What?" You tilt your head, confused.

"We're not exactly dating, are we?"

"Details, details... What Doyoung and Taeyong don't know won't hurt them," you say, shrugging your shoulders.

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "Of course," he says, leaning against the grimy bathroom wall. He goes to tuck Jungkook Jr. back into his pants, his dick finally softening after the last ten minutes of psychological torture courtesy of yours truly, but you're quick to slap his hand away, making him yelp in surprise.

"No! I like looking at it," you say. You stare at his dick with rapt fascination. "It's kinda like looking at a weird, deformed baby leg. Beautiful, but haunting all at once."

Jungkook huffs, staring at you in equal parts disbelief and awe. If he thought Seokjin was mentally unhinged, then you're definitely on your way towards uncharted psychotic territory. It was kind of amazing how you could just say shit without any brain to mouth filter, in your own twisted way. "Listen, lady. I don't even fucking know what your name is, but I am not helping you win some stupid bet and showing my dick to even more strangers than I have to, okay?"

You consider him, lips pursing slightly. "Why, do you have any other plans this weekend?"

Jungkook falters. "I... No, I don't––"

You shrug your shoulders, as if that's the end of that problem. "Then it's settled! I don't see why you can't just do this out of the goodness of your heart?"

"For the last time, I won't do it even if––"

"I'll split the prize with you? 50/50? That's $1000 for having a huge dick! Every incel's wet dream!"

Jungkook pauses in his rant, choking on his spit. His jaw drops comically, unsure if he heard you right. "Did you say one... grand?"

Hook, line, and sinker. You know you caught him the moment his eyes bugged out of their sockets. You smirk, crossing your arms triumphantly as you gaze upon his desperate and broke college ass (and dick). “So? Having second thoughts?"

Jungkook is quiet for a moment. He opens his mouth, then closes it. He tries to wrap his head around the number, unsure if he should be worried about how ready he is to drop his pants for money. Have I completely lost it? Am I that much of an idiot? he wonders, but then again… He’d be an even bigger idiot for letting free money go down the drain.

“Where is this money even coming from?” he asks, even though he knows his guard is already dropping quickly.

You wave your hand flippantly. “Oh, Doyoung is filthy rich. I imagine that $2000 is nothing to him,” you say, picking at a hangnail. “It’s not much money to me either, but my pride is mostly at stake here. If you want, you could take all the money as a prize, so long as you make that bitch eat his heart out.”

Jungkook feels his dick twitch and he knows that you notice. “Two… thousand…” He accidentally moans, gripping his thighs to prevent himself from nutting. “That’s…”

You tilt your head, arching a brow. “Not enough? I could put in an extra $500 if you’re really against this whole thing. To be fair, I wouldn’t wanna expose my coochie to a random person either––”

“Two thousand five hundred? Are you fucking insane?” Jungkook exclaims, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, but it still feels like his lungs are on fire.

“Okay, three grand it is but I’m not going any higher than that,” you huff, shaking your head. “Mr. Jeon, you really do drive a hard bargain, though I always notice that well-endowed men tend to think they deserve the universe, so I’m not surprised.” You chuckle to yourself, as if anything about this situation is worth laughing at. Jungkook feels like that one time he had inhaled an entire helium balloon in one breath when he was younger: kinda nauseous but also kinda euphoric. Is it bad that his dick is stirring awake right now? Hello?

You put your hand out, looking at him expectantly. “Well? Do we have a deal or not?”

Jungkook takes a deep breath and accesses his options carefully. Does he:

Give up his low self-esteem for money and enter an actual dick-measuring contest with some stranger;

There is no other option. Jungkook wants money.

He exhales, a migraine already throbbing incessantly in the back of his skull. He thrusts his hand forward, gripping yours harshly in a firm handshake. “I’m in,” he says, without missing a beat. Your smile brings a shiver down his back, and he can’t help but wonder if this is what Judas felt like when he betrayed Jesus, except he’s betraying no one but his own self-worth.

Well, he always did wonder how much his life was worth and three grand doesn’t seem like that big of a stretch. Oh well.

“Nice,” you chuckle, seemingly vibrating from excitement. You slip behind him, grabbing his phone from the back pocket of his jeans (which were still, by the way, pooled around his thighs because his dick was still out. Just to remind you guys in case you forgot. OP doesn’t want you to ever forget about it.) You flick open his phone, cackling maniacally when you realize he doesn’t even have a password on.

Jungkook squawks. “Hey, what are you––”

“I’m saving my number on your phone,” you explain. He can barely see what you were typing into his phone contacts, but he doesn’t miss the way you attach a heart emoji beside your name. You open his texts, sending yourself an octopus emoji that just so happened to be Jungkook’s most frequently used emoji. You snort. “Octopus emoji, huh? Seems appropriate… Can’t help but think it was a sign that this might have been destiny.”

“I just like takoyaki…” Jungkook defends himself sulkily.

“Yea? Well I like cock,” you say. You pause, furrowing your brows. “Oh, I meant to say chicken. Same thing.”

You hand back his phone, grabbing your small purse that you had thrown aside onto the washroom floor. You straighten your dress, looking to all the world as if you hadn’t just offered a stranger three grand to show his dick. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Jungkook. I expect to see you soon, maybe this weekend if you’re free. I’ll text you the details of when we’ll meet next. Toodles!” you wave, sending him a flying kiss for extra measure. Jungkook’s eye twitches, and he wonders not for the first time tonight if he was trapped in a coma and was slowly passing away.

Just as you are about to head out the door, you stop in your tracks, turning back to face him. You give him a curious expression, gaze dragging downwards until you were staring down the barrel of his dick once more. “Hey, sorry about leaving you hanging like that, by the way. I would love to help you finish, but I have a ride to catch. Raincheck?”

Not waiting for an answer, you saunter away with a spring in your step. The door swings back closed, leaving Jungkook alone for the first time in what feels like forever: just him, his dick, and the promise of three thousand dollars on the horizon.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Jungkook groans, sliding down to the floor. He fists his cock in his hand, groaning loudly when he feels the pleasure jolt up his spine like electricity. As he listens to the sounds of his heavy breathing and the slick mess in his hands, he can’t help but wonder if Jimin was right… Maybe he did have a thing for insane hot girls who were out to kill him.

x x x x x

After Jungkook cleans himself up, he marches out of the washroom with as much dignity as he can muster. Which is to say that he walked out of there with his head bowed in shame, meekly navigating the crowded club in search of his friends.

It isn’t hard, considering that Jimin was currently hanging on the fucking ceiling from a disco ball. A group of men stand at the bottom, all of them eagerly eyeing his fat ass as Jimin dangerously humped the shiny ball of metal like his life depended on it.

“Okaaaay guys! The moment this disco ball drops, whoever catches me first gets to fuck me tonight so try your best to grab me~!” Jimin singsongs from his perch, howling madly as all the horny motherfuckers scramble all over each other, desperate to catch him lest he meets his maker.

“I. Hate. My. Life.” Jungkook sighs, striding past the group of men easily with his superior upper body strength. “Move, incels. This twink isn’t letting any of you simps touch his ass. He just likes the attention.”

“Aww, Jungkookie! Don’t ruin my fun~! Unless you wanna catch me and we can finally fu––” Jimin screams mid-sentence, just as the cord holding him and the disco ball snaps. All the guys step over themselves to catch him, but Jungkook is stronger and faster. He catches Jimin mid-air, snatching him in an instant and hoisting him over his shoulder. Everyone cheers and hollers, clapping for him as Jimin continues to giggle hysterically into his back.

“Yay! Jungkookie is gonna fuck meeeee,” Jimin pats him on the ass, but Jungkook ignores him. He goes around the club, searching for the rest of his friends until he has five dangling bodies hanging off his body like some six-headed freak.

Well, it’s soon going to be five-headed after he beheads Seokjin, whom Jungkook is certain just vomited all over the back of his jeans.

“I can’t fucking find Yoongi-hyung.” Jungkook grits his teeth, his nose assaulted by the stench of Namjoon’s armpit as the elder contorts himself into a more comfortable position. “Stop fucking moving, you long-legged bastard. Why’d you have to be born with such good body proportions?”

“And why are you so hot, Jungkook?” Taehyung swoons from somewhere underneath Hoseok, who seems to be either passed out or dead; Jungkook didn’t pause to check for a pulse.

“Pretty sure Yoongi went home,” Seokjin slurs, a second wave of nausea hitting him as he struggles to keep the alcohol inside of him a bit longer. “Ugh… Said he saw his roommate and they went home together.”

“God, it better be his fucking roommate and not another person trying to sell his organs again.” Jungkook sighs. “Either way, we’re all going home. We’ve done enough damage for tonight.”

“Jungkookie, did you have any fun at all tonight? Didn’t see you around,” Namjoon quips, managing to wriggle out of Jungkook’s grip and fall face flat on the curb. He whines pathetically, not making a move to stand up again. “Ugh. I didn’t even drink a lot tonight so why...?”

“It’s because you’re Namjoon,” Jungkook supplies helpfully. He lets the rest of his friends down, making sure they are leaning against the wall for support (or sitting against the wall in Hoseok’s case). “Alright, I’m calling cabs. Seokjin-hyung, I’m staying over at your place tonight.”

Jimin, who was already slowly falling asleep where he stands, perks up in attention at that. “Wait, you’re coming home with me and Seokjin? Are we reaaaally gonna fuck?” Jimin tries to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, but to Jungkook, it just looks like he’s having a stroke.

“I’m done nutting for tonight. We are sleeping once we get home and that’s it,” Jungkook snorts, crossing his arms.

“OOOOOOOH? JUNGKOOK GOT FUCKED AT THE CLUB!”

“GET IT BOY!”

“OH SHIT HE FINALLY USED HIS PURPLE-HEADED YOGURT FINGER!”

“DAMN DUDE? DAMN? DAMN?”

“AW, YOU FUCKED SOMEONE WITHOUT ME?”

Jungkook swears he had heard Hoseok speak amidst the yelling from his friends, but his hyung still remains mysteriously hunched over and dead to the world. “None of your businesses. Anyway, a cab is coming soon and I swear to God, if any of you piss or vomit in that poor man’s vehicle, I will make sure none of you live to see the light of day, okay?”

Jimin turns to Taehyung, who just happened to be beside him. “Not gonna lie, but I kinda jizzed in my pants just now. That was kinda hot.” Taehyung only nods in agreement.

An hour and thirty minutes later, Jungkook manages to get the last of his idiot friends home, leaving only him, Seokjin, and Jimin as they tiredly trudge up the steps to the apartment. It takes an additional twenty minutes for Seokjin to figure out where he’d left his keys, only for Jimin to raise his finger for them to wait as he hid behind some bushes while unbuckling his jeans. When he comes out of the bushes, pantless, he has a key raised with a victorious smirk on his face.

“Don’t ask where I keep this,” is all he says and Jungkook is glad that he had rejected Seokjin’s offer to permanently move in as their roommate.

They all stumble into the apartment, with Seokjin falling immediately onto the couch. He curls up into a little ball, snoring the moment his eyes shut. Jungkook wants to shake him awake, eager to interrogate him about what happened between you and him just a few hours ago at the club. Even if he wanted to wake him up, Jungkook is sure nothing can rouse the elder; this fact is confirmed when Jungkook dumps water on him, only for Seokjin to keep sleeping soundly like a baby.

“Well, hyung is dead. Guess it’s time for me to die too,” Jimin says sleepily, the horniness and insanity from the club already wearing off. He pats Jungkook gently on the head, pointing towards Seokjin’s room. “Sleep there. I’ll hand you an extra blanket because I wouldn’t trust that hyung’s sheets. Let’s sleep, yeah?”

Left with no other choice, Jungkook heads to Seokjin’s bedroom, jumping onto the unmade sheets and pretending not to notice the crusty unknown substance on the corner of the bed. He can’t fall asleep, not when he’s left haunted by the weight on his chest (and dick). Jungkook fiddles with his phone, staring wide-eyed at the name displayed tauntingly on his screen.

Y/N L/N.

He was gonna have a nightmare tonight, that’s for sure.

x x x x x

Jungkook wakes up early, much to his chagrin. He’d really like to stay dead to the world for much longer, but the smell of coffee brewing and bacon cooking is kind of a hard deal to pass up. Jungkook shifts in bed, cringing when he realizes he went to sleep in his jeans, and more importantly, that his pants felt a lot stickier than he remembered.

He lifts the blanket up, confirming his suspicions. “Fuck!”

Well, guess he didn’t have much of a nightmare last night after all.

He shucks off his clothes, disgusted by the mess he finds in his underwear. He hobbles over to Seokjin’s closet, cringing when he finds only one (1) clean pair of shorts left, which just so happened to have “PEE IS STORED IN THE BALLS” stamped on the back in cursive font. Beggars can’t be choosers, he supposes.

Jungkook tiptoes out of the bedroom, confronted with the sight of Jimin pouring three mugs of coffee and Seokjin still slumped over the couch, a substantial amount of drool dripping down from the side of his mouth and forming a puddle on the floor. Jungkook takes a photo, saving it for later.

“Morning,” Jimin smiles from the kitchen, offering Jungkook one of the cups. Jungkook is certain that Jimin has no recollection of the events from last night, though such is Park Jimin’s way of life. He drinks to get fucked up, then he forgets, and then the cycle repeats itself anew. Jungkook wonders how Jimin always manages to wake up without a hangover, though God might have just given him a super liver in compensation for his lack of height.

“Hyung is still dead,” Jungkook states plainly, walking over to Seokjin and peering at him closely. Jungkook sticks a finger into his agape mouth, collects some of his spit, and then proceeds to give him the wettest willy of his life. Still no response.

“Let me try,” Jimin says, sauntering over to Seokjin with one of the cups of coffee. Jimin leans down, hums gently into his ear. “Hyung, wake up. We have coffee for you!”

Seokjin mumbles incomprehensibly in his sleep, snuggling deeper into the couch stuffing. Jimin tilts his head, still smiling. Then, he dumps the scalding cup of coffee all over Seokjin’s crotch.

In an instant, Seokjin screams with the pitch of a banshee, swinging his arms wildly about and nearly knocking himself out with his own fist. Jungkook and Jimin watch passively from the sidelines, waiting for the elder to finish fanning his nutsack before greeting him a pleasant morning.

“WHY ARE YOU BOTH LITERAL DEMONS?” Seokjin hollers, jumping to his feet with his scorched balls and all. Taking pity on him, Jungkook walks over to the fridge, tossing his hyung a bag of ice. And by toss, it’s more like he pitches the bag straight into his dick with the ease and speed of a seasoned baseball player, eliciting another round of pained howls.

“YOU––ASS––” Seokjin seethes, clutching the bag of ice to his nether regions. He sits down on the adjacent loveseat, expression contorting as he cups his balls gingerly. “God, it’s almost like you guys don’t think I deserve basic human decency.”

“That was just a small part of my revenge for you, after you gave my contact details to an insane woman,” Jungkook sneers, miming a punch onto Seokjin’s handsome face. Seokjin doesn’t even flinch, too busy staring at Jungkook’s legs.

“Hey, are you wearing my thot shorts?”

Jungkook looks down at the neon pink monstrosity around his hips. “You call these your thot shorts?”

Seokjin shrugs. “I got dicked down in them once. You should try.”

“Oh, did I hear something about revenge? I smell tea in here,” Jimin says, coming back from the kitchen with his own cup. “Well, I have coffee but same shit. What happened?”

“This––” Jungkook points an accusatory finger at Seokjin, “––asshole sent my location information to an insane stalker lady last night after he told her that I had a huge dick!”

Seokjin squints at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Y/N! She said you told her about how big my dick was and when she asked you where I was, you told her I was going to the club with you last night!”

“Oh.” Realization dawns on Seokjin’s face, which was quickly replaced by incredulity as he stares at Jungkook. “I assumed she asked for your contact details because she had a crush on you. I was just trying to get you some pussy, bro.”

“Yeah, Kook. Not gonna lie, but I’d be dicking down girls left and right if I had a dick as big as yours,” Jimin says, eyeing the bulge in his teeny tiny shorts with interest. “In fact, I’d probably be a top if I had a dick as big as yours.”

Seokjin laughs, nearly shooting out phlegm from the strength of it. “Oh god, don’t tell me. You couldn’t get your dick hard again? Don’t worry bro, if I had a dick as big as yours, it’d take ages for it to fill up too.”

Jungkook flushes, stomping his foot in embarrassment. “That! Wasn’t the problem! The problem is––”

“––that Jungkook nuts too quickly because he doesn’t have any practice,” Jimin tuts sadly, patting the younger with a pitiful expression. “Don’t worry, Kook. Hyung is open to giving you some pointers.”

“That’s not it either!” Jungkook screams, groaning in annoyance. “She came up to me because she offered to pay me $3000 to enter a dick-measuring contest!”

Jimin and Seokjin tilt their heads in tandem, still not getting it. “So?” they both chorus, giving him a blank-eyed stare.

“Are you guys out of your mind? I got bribed into showing my dick to some strangers like some kind of weird prostitute!”

“It’s not prostitution if you’re not engaging in sexual activity,” Jimin muses, taking a long sip from his coffee. He shrugs his shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t see how this is a problem. You show some girls your dick, and you get money. Dudes would kill to be in your position.”

“Oh my God, don’t tell me,” Seokjin leers at Jungkook, and the younger almost can’t stop himself from landing another blow against the elder’s abused crotch. “You got roped into some bukkake orgy and now you’re asking your hyungs to help you? Don’t worry, Jungoo… You came to the right people. You see, Jimin and I have some experience with––”

“LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Jungkook jams his fingers into his own ears, screaming hysterically to drown out the sounds of Seokjin and Jimin’s combined laughter. Jungkook pouts at them, glowering pathetically. “Seriously, hyungs! Do you not see how fucked up this is? Who follows a stranger to a club, pretends they’re going to give you a blowjob, only to offer 3K for you to show some strangers your dick?”

“A regular Friday night if you ask me,” Jimin says, shrugging once more. Jungkook stares at him, realizing that maybe it was the wrong idea being friends with these two lunatics in the first place. Knowing Jimin, he’d probably been in much more lewd and compromising situations than Jungkook will ever have. Rumor has it that Jimin had once done a keg stand while having his dick sucked while on vacation in Japan.  

“Well, if you were really against it, then you could have just said no?” Seokjin points out, wagging a finger at him. “I know Y/N, and yeah she’s kind of demented, but she still knows that no means no. Surely, you haven’t considered the fact that you are 1) a pushover and 2) horny for her?”

“Well, yea––No, what––No!” Jungkook splutters, stammering wildly. His two hyungs grin salaciously, gazing at him knowingly. Jungkook can only groan, as he knows that they kind of have a point. He’s always been too weak for girls and money, so when you put those two things together…

“I might be addicted to the BBC tag on Pornhub, but you my friend… You’re in it for the BBCC,” Jimin snickers, patting Jungkook comfortingly on the back. Jungkook groans into his hands, slumping onto the loveseat beside Seokjin, whose icepack had long since melted and caused the seat to be uncomfortably damp.

“BBCC? I’m almost too afraid to ask.”

“Big black credit card,” Seokjin pipes up, wrapping his own arm around Jungkook’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, bud. We all have been there.”

That’s the problem: somehow, Jungkook finds himself much too ready to accept his fate, eagerly awaiting when you’ll text him next.

x x x x x

After a much-needed shower at Jimin and Seokjin’s place, Jungkook tiredly makes his way to the nearby bus stop, ready to go home and sleep the entire weekend away. Screw his Biochemistry midterm on Monday––if he really is going to whore himself out to you, then he’s going to need all the self-care and therapy that he can get. His phone itches in the pocket of his shorts (yes, he’s still wearing the thot shorts), and he wonders if he should text his therapist and ask for an extra appointment later in the day.

Just as he’s about to pull out his phone, he senses it vibrate once, twice. He freezes in his steps, walking out of the way of busy pedestrians on the sidewalk and into a random clothing store. He sees the lone cashier staring at him from the corner of his eye, but he does not check if her gaze is filled with disgust or disgust. Probably disgust, he surmises.

Flicking his phone on, he sees two new messages from you and his heart immediately starts to hammer in his chest. No one has ever made Jungkook equal parts scared and excited, though he imagines you might have that effect on most people, what with how you look like the type to tie up unsuspecting victims to harvest their organs in your summer cottage up in the mountains or something. Or maybe that’s just Jungkook projecting.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ hey! sorry for taking so long to text you. my roommate tried to make cheesecake at 3am last night and i had to supervise in case he burned down the apartment.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ anyway, i was wondering if you were free later? some time after 5 maybe? let me know!

You already want to meet so soon. Jungkook exhales heavily through his nostrils, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm himself. Alright, this is fine. Jungkook is a big boy: he can handle going to a girl’s home without losing his mind. You didn’t say anything about this being the actual dick-measuring contest yet, so he can only assume this is just you asking for something else. Maybe to talk more? Maybe he’ll get a down payment for the prize money? Maybe you’ll follow through on your raincheck? God, is it wrong for him to have his dick plumping up in his shorts when you haven’t even done anything to him yet?

(On the contrary, you could say that you have done a lot for him over the past twenty four hours, though maybe not in the way most people would expect.)

from: jjk yeah i can meet you at 5. what’s this for?

from: y/n l/n ❣️ oh, nothing! i just wanted to talk to you about the actual competition and stuff. plus, i want to actually measure your dick, just so i can see how much you’re actually packing down there ;)

from: jjk ….yeah, fine. whatever.

(This really isn’t a “whatever” type of situation, but honestly, Jungkook doesn’t really know what to say anymore. He’s officially lost his singular brain wrinkle. He’s smooth brain McGee over here.)

You follow up by sharing your location with him, and he’s surprised to find that you aren’t that far away from where Jungkook was right now. He really did mean to go back to his apartment first and get changed into something more… morally acceptable, but since he hasn’t been arrested yet for public decency, he should be okay with going to your place in Seokjin’s thot shorts.

There’s something invigorating about going to your place, dressed the way he is… Maybe the shorts are somehow giving him brain hemorrhage by indirect association with Seokjin. Either that or Jungkook simply loves torturing himself by embarrassing himself constantly. Well, at least he showered and combed his hair before leaving his hyungs’ place.

He inputs your address into his phone map, taking his sweet time as he walks the short distance to your apartment. As he passes by the buildings and street corners, he can’t help but think that he might have been around this area before. He tries to rack his brain, forcing himself to remember why this route seems so familiar.

“Oh right. Yoongi-hyung’s new apartment should be around here,” he muses to himself. He wonders if his hyung had gotten home safely last night. He should probably text him to make sure, but he’s got a literal dick appointment to attend to first, so he’ll remember to check up on Yoongi once he finishes up with you.

Does that make him a shitty friend? Probably. But would Yoongi do the same if Jungkook was in his shoes? Probably.

Yeah, Jungkook and his group of friends aren’t exactly role models for a sensitive and loving relationship, though that’s not much of a surprise to anyone.

He arrives at a decent looking apartment complex, complete with its own little water fountain at the entrance. He walks through the automatic sliding doors, peers at the shiny caution tape barring him from using the elevator. He stares at your address on his phone, groaning loudly when he sees “1603” much to his annoyance.

“No wonder she had such great thighs,” Jungkook mutters angrily to himself, preparing himself for the long and arduous journey his glutes are going to endure.

Years later, Jungkook finds himself at your door, his lungs jumping out of his throat as he struggles to catch his breath. He hunches over, elbows digging into his thighs as he wipes the sweat trailing down his neck. He can see your door just near the end of the hall, but just as he’s about to crawl his way over––

“Oh. Oh my,” a familiar voice says from behind him, and Jungkook looks over his shoulder to see…

“Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook exclaims incredulously, mouth gaping at the sight of his thought-to-be-dead hyung coming out of the elevator. He splutters for a few more moments before pointing an accusing finger at Yoongi. “You used the elevator?”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow, turning to look at the elevator with a thoughtful look. “Oh right. The elevator works. The maintenance people just forgot to remove the safety tape from last week.” Yoongi looks back at Jungkook, gaze lowering to his legs. “I see that Seokjin has provided you with his thot shorts.”

Jungkook doesn’t even try to cover himself, used to his friends seeing him in varying degrees of undress. Like, what was Yoongi going to do? Take a photo of him and post it to his Twitter for his thousands of followers to see? He wasn’t that cruel...

Snap! Yoongi pockets his phone quickly, clearing his throat. “So,” Yoongi walks up closer to him, peering at Jungkook curiously. “What brings you to my apartment? Not that I’m happy to see you, but I assumed you and the rest of our idiotic gang would have died of alcohol poisoning the night before.”

“...It’s a long story,” Jungkook says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Say... Where did you go last night, by the way? I tried to look for you, but Seokjin said your roommate brought you home?”

“Yeah. She went to the club with a bunch of her friends. She offered me a ride with her because she knew how much I hated it there,” Yoongi says, frowning. “Fuck you, by the way.”

“What the fuck? What the hell did I do?”

“I don’t know. You’re wearing Seokjin’s shorts and my ape brain told me to retaliate out of instinct,” he explains. He takes another long, good glance at his shorts. “Color me surprised that they fit you, by the way. I’d assume your huge ass would be making it rip the seams, or perhaps your dick would be saying hello.”

Jungkook pats his junk proudly. “I know, right? Big guy decided to cooperate, for some reason.”

“Will you guys stop yapping it up out in the hall? I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sy can hear you two idiots from the first floor,” a voice from behind Jungkook hisses, causing the two boys to jump up in surprise. Lo and behold, your head is peeking out from behind your door, a perfectly stenciled eyebrow arched in annoyance. “Well? Are you two coming in or what?” You return back to your apartment, assuming that they’d soon follow.

Yoongi looks at Jungkook. “Wait. You know Y/N?”

Jungkook looks at Yoongi. “Wait. You know Y/N?”

Yoongi squints his eyes. “She’s my roommate. She’s a mutual friend of––”

“––Seokjin,” Jungkook finishes. The two of them pause, a metaphorical light bulb glowing above their heads.

“Ah.”

“Ah.”

“I see. The demoness has roped you into some hare-brained scheme, hasn’t she?” Yoongi nods sagely, rubbing his beardless chin. “Can’t say I feel sorry for you since I have to live with the wench.”

Jungkook grimaces. “Man. She’s insane around you too?”

Yoongi shrugs, walking over to your shared apartment. “I’m dating Seokjin, remember? Everyday, I suffer. Everyday, I feel my arm.”

When Jungkook steps into your apartment, he can’t help but be a little surprised. Of course, he shouldn’t have expected to see a medieval torture chamber in the middle of a metropolitan city, but he wouldn’t put it past you to somehow make it happen. Instead, he finds a fairly cozy-looking home, with comfy couches and filled bookshelves, complete with a small balcony that had a few fresh herbs growing in little pots. It looks…

“Yoongi-hyung. You definitely decorated, didn’t you?” Jungkook snorts, fingering the little kitty-patterned throw blanket draped on your couch. It’s soft and expensive, and definitely something only Yoongi would buy. The elder doesn’t even bother looking embarrassed; he just throws Jungkook the middle finger as he walks towards the kitchen.

You come out once more from one of the connecting rooms at the other end of the apartment, presumably your bedroom. You motion for Jungkook to come in. “Yoongi, you’re gonna bake all day, right? Mind if you let Jungkook and I speak alone in my room?”

Yoongi waves his hand disinterestedly. “Whatever. If you guys are gonna be freaky in there, I’m gonna start playing clown music to drown you guys out, alright? And I mean the remix versions with the extra clown honks.”

You roll your eyes. “Yea, yea. We get it. Grandpa needs his special time alone too.”

Jungkook’s heart jumps when you don’t even bother correcting him. Does that mean you guys really were going to do something freaky? Hopefully, Yoongi has learned to differentiate screams of terror from screams of pleasure, though it’s hard to tell if he’d care otherwise.

He follows you into your room and immediately notices the perfectly made bed and the neatly organized desk. Your curtains are drawn close, but the sheerness of it allows the mid-afternoon sun to brighten the room regardless. Your bedroom smells faintly of vanilla and cinnamon, and he notices the small scented candle still smoking from when you’d put it out.

Nothing in the room indicates that he was inside the room of a psychopath, though maybe Namjoon or Taehyung would argue that anyone who makes their bed every day might be a little out of it. Jungkook continues to stand awkwardly by the door, unsure of what to do next except to stare.

You plop onto your bed, giving him an expectant look. “Well? Are you just gonna stand there by the door and have Yoongi see us measure your dick or what?” That gets Jungkook to move. He closes the door, pausing for a second before locking it for good measure. Then, he takes the short two steps that he needs to stand right in front of you.

You crane your neck, appraising him silently as he fidgets from the weirdness of it all. Your gaze trails down and Jungkook is not surprised when you stop to stare at his neon pink shorts. You snort, thumbing the edge of his shorts lightly. Jungkook shivers even though you’re barely touching him and he knows that you notice.

“Trying to get back at me for leaving you with blue balls yesterday?” you muse, letting go of the thin material. Jungkook wants to bring your hand back to his thigh, but he forces himself to keep still.

He looks down. “Not really? But I mean… Is it working?” He can’t help the hopeful lilt in his voice.

You laugh, patting him lightly on the thigh. “No worries, Jungkook. I did promise you a little something last night, right? I admit it was shitty of me to leave you like that, despite what you already might think of me. You probably think I’m just some insane bitch, right?”

Jungkook stares at you. “Do you want me to be honest or...?”

You roll your eyes, but you seem more amused than anything. “Save it. I know I’m weird. But, a promise is a promise…” You trail off, winking at him. “Besides, this works out for the both of us, right? I wanted to measure your dick before we meet up with Taeyong and Doyoung tomorrow, and I can help you blow your rocks right after. Seems like a deal?”

“Is it bad that I’m so ready to have you suck me off that I’m honest to God accepting your offer without any sense of dignity?”

You consider him for a moment. Then, “Nah. I know dudes who would do worse things for three grand and to have their dick sucked. I’d say you’re just doing you.” You place your hands back on his hips, thumbing around the garter of his shorts.

Jungkook groans, not even flinching when you rip his shorts and boxers off in one rough flourish. His soft dick dangles heavily between his thighs. “See, I’m not entirely comforted knowing that you agree with my moral dilemma.”

You clap your hands together, excitement glittering in your expression. “Who cares! Let’s get you all hard and ready, shall we?”

Jungkook squirms under your gaze, getting dick stage fright. “H-hey… This isn’t like porn… I can’t just get hard when I want to, you know? I need… stimulation or some shit.”

You nod, humming thoughtfully. “You’re right… And I remember you said something about taking a long time to get fully hard, right? That’s gonna be a problem indeed.” You lean forward, “So. Tell me, Jungkook. What are your kinks?”

If Jungkook was drinking water, he’s sure he’d be doing a spit take right now. Instead, he just chokes on his own saliva, coughing out his lungs at your sudden inquiry. “M-my kinks? What for?”

“To get you hard, duh.” You leave featherlight grazes around his thigh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. It stirs something inside Jungkook, but not enough to do anything yet. You tsk, your brow crumpling as you decide what to do next. “What if I…”

You dig your nails into the meat of his thighs and inadvertently pull him closer. He stumbles forward, his breath knocked out of him despite how little you’d done so far. “W-wait,” he wheezes, shock running down his spine. “I––”

You smirk at him, digging harder until you’re sure to leave white little crescents littered around his thigh. “Aha. I guessed you’d be into that. You liked it when I bit you yesterday, didn’t you?”

Jungkook can’t even answer. He’s trying to keep his breathing steady, squeezing his eyelids shut. He hears you shuffling in front of him, and he soon senses your body press closer to him, alerting him that you have stood up. You wrap your arms around his neck, bending his head down until he can feel your breath fan across his lips.

Are you going to kiss him? But the contact doesn’t come; instead, your hands snake up to his hair, massaging his scalp for a moment before tugging on his roots harshly. It pulls a whine from his lips, the response surprising even himself. “S-shit,” he grits his teeth, urging you to do it again. He opens his eyes slightly, sees you watching him with rapt attention.

You lick your lips, looking at him like a meal ready to be eaten. The heat in his stomach builds, but Jungkook doesn’t have it in him to be embarrassed anymore. He doesn’t really have any more room in his brain anymore other than his unabashedly horny thoughts.

“Pain slut, huh? Somehow, it suits you.” You sound breathy, as if you were the one being pleasured instead. It makes Jungkook’s cock twitch a little, coming to life in front of you as you continue to assault his nerves.

“Do you like pain everywhere?” Your hands leave his head, coming down to the edge of his shirt. It’s a silent request, and Jungkook allows you to lift up his sweater, leaving him completely bare before you. You throw it somewhere to your right, eyes raking him up and down. Something about you still being fully clothed makes Jungkook’s inside light on fire, and it rushes blood down south before he can even understand why.

You chuckle, looking at his hardened nipples with interest. “Pierced? What a naughty boy you are.” You flick him there experimentally, and when Jungkook’s breath hitches, that gives you a go sign to do more. You fiddle around with the rosy bud some more, circling it with the pads of your fingers until Jungkook was a whining mess before you. “Sensitive… What a prize you are, Jungkook.”

Jungkook keens at the praise, even though he knows you didn’t really mean it in a good way. He finds himself wanting to please you: to get himself hard for you, to make you want him like how he wants you. He honestly can’t tell if you’re enjoying this as much as him, other than the way you’re watching him closely like a hawk.

He’s nearly half-hard, his cock jutting against your stomach. You peer down, figuring out your next move as he holds his breath, afraid he might do something wrong. Your fingers move once more, tracing shapes across his stomach and causing the muscles there to contract. He anticipates your next movements, his dick steadily throbbing.

“I suppose the easiest way to get you hard is to touch you here, right?” you murmur lowly. You grip him by the hips all of a sudden, your thumbs placed firmly into his Adonis’ belt. You inch closer and closer to where he wants you the most, and you watch him amusedly as he clamps down on his bottom lip, unwilling to sound desperate so early in the game.

(Was it early though? He’s been thinking about this exact scenario since last night, even plaguing his dreams. Still, it wouldn’t look cool if he just… busted a nut just from having his dick out. Even he knew that was kinda sad.)

Despite his best efforts, perhaps the desperation is apparent on his face because you eventually do take pity on him. You wrap your fingers around his length, not moving just yet. You smile secretly to yourself when you hear Jungkook exhale and swallow audibly, but you’re waiting for something. You look up at him, batting your eyelashes innocently as if you didn’t have his dick in your hands.

“What do good boys say when they want something?” You’re fishing, but your teasing tone breaks Jungkook down enough to release a ragged moan. He places his hands on your shoulder, using you for support as you slowly inch your hand down to the base of his cock.

He can’t keep the whine out of his voice when he says, “P...Please. Move?”

Your grin is wicked. “Of course, baby.”

Yeah, if you keep this up, Jungkook is going to come embarrassingly fast and he doesn’t think you’ll be quite pleased with that.

There is pre-cum leaking at the tip of his cock, dangerously close to pooling over and dripping all over your carpet. You are quick to swipe it off with your thumb, dragging it down his shaft for an easier slide. Jungkook’s abs tense, his teeth clamping on his bottom lip so aggressively that he almost splits it open. His grip on your shoulders tighten, but you don’t mind. You keep stroking him languidly, not going fast enough for Jungkook’s liking, but the concentration on your face is enough to make Jungkook release a stilted moan. It doesn’t take long until the wet squelch of your hand jerking him fills the room, coupled with the sound of Jungkook’s labored breathing.

“You’re really wet,” you chuckle, watching with fascination as your words urge another drop of pre-cum to collect at his tip. “Are you always like this?”

“N-not… Really?” It takes a while for Jungkook’s brain to connect, caught between wanting to keep his eyes shut and wanting to stare at your cute hands trying to wrap around his dick. Your fingers can’t even circle the girth of his cock, the realization almost making Jungkook come there and then.

He’d never been one to be overly confident about his penis size, to be honest. He doesn’t really go around proclaiming it to the world, and his meager body count doesn’t help the fact that most people are unaware of the extent of his package. He isn’t itching to tell people either, but he’s starting to see why people would be envious of having a large dick. The sight of you struggling to pump his cock really makes for a pretty picture.

“Ugh, my arm is getting tired,” you complain after a while, getting frustrated when you realize that Jungkook is almost fully hard, but not quite. “Jeez. Your dick is so huge that it really takes a minute for the fuel tank to fill up, huh?”

“I-I’m sorry?” Jungkook wheezes, nearly crying out when you flick your wrist in just the right manner. Your hand pauses by the head of his dick, squeezing tightly enough not to be painful, much to his disappointment. Jungkook is still too shy to ask for more.

You let go of him all of a sudden, causing a guttural whine to escape Jungkook’s lips. Ignoring him, you nudge him back a few steps, Jungkook complying wordlessly. He’s still confused until you reach over to your bed, grabbing one of your pillows before dropping to your knees. Jungkook’s jaw drops, spluttering incomprehensibly as you cushion your knees with the pillow.

You look up, giggling amusedly. “Reminds you of last night, huh? Not gonna lie, I’ve been itching to have your cock in my mouth, though I’m not even sure if any of it can fit. That’s not gonna stop me from trying.”

Oh God. Oh Geez. Jungkook is going to die, isn’t he? He vaguely remembers his dream from the night before, how your pretty pink lips had stretched over his dick, barely going past his head. He whines pathetically, another string of pre-cum finally dripping down and landing on your thighs.

You hold him by his hips, preventing him from moving as your hot breath fans across his wet head. You lick your lips, taking one glance up at him before giving his tip a quick peck. It’s nothing to write home about, but the way Jungkook’s breath catches is enough to encourage you to do more. You suckle his head a little, suctioning your lips and moaning slightly at the bitter tang. Your eyes flutter shut, tongue swirling nondescript patterns as you greedily engrave his taste into your mind.

The image of you enjoying yourself is enough to get Jungkook fully hard. He feels like he’s on fire, from his flushed cheeks all the way to his groin. He doesn’t know where to put his hands, unsure if you’d allow him to pull on your hair.

You must have noticed his plight, because one of your hands leaves his hips to grasp his own, bringing it to your hair. You pop off his dick for a second, lips already redder than before. Jungkook wishes he could kiss you, but he’s still so unsure. “You can pull my hair, but if you push me down further than I’m willing to go, I’m stopping immediately, okay?” Your voice is authoritative and your gaze is steely, but it only prompts Jungkook to moan in reply.

He nods, nearly getting whiplash from how quickly his head bobs. You smirk, appeased by his obedience. You return to your ministrations, rewarding him by going further down and bobbing your head at a snail’s pace.

Jungkook’s sanity is barely hanging onto a thread. He wants to thrust into your wet mouth, never having felt this sort of pleasure in his life. He’s beginning to understand why Jimin is such a slut, and he wonders why on earth he’s been denying himself things like this. His eyes are half-lidded, but he’s determined to watch you as your masterful tongue brings him to the edge of hysteria.

When Jungkook doesn’t think your mouth can go further down, you surprise him once again. You go lower, and Jungkook feels your throat swallow around him until he nearly screams. Drool pools in the inside of his mouth, as if Jungkook’s body doesn’t know what to do with the pleasure. His legs nearly give out, but your hands keep him mounted.

His toes are curling, thighs trembling. “Fuck,” he whines, unable to stop himself when he thrusts a little into your mouth. “Shit, I didn’t mean to–”

You glance up at him. Your eyes are tearing up, but otherwise you look unperturbed. You flatten your tongue on the underside of his dick, tracing the vein there as you slowly come up for air. You swallow the mix of saliva and pre-cum in your mouth, licking your lips like you’ve just had a 5-star meal. You look absolutely debauched, though Jungkook knows he’s probably not doing much better.

“No gag reflex. It’s fine,” you shrug, as if you’d just told him about the weather. Your voice sounds hoarse, roughened by the assault of his dick on your throat. “Are you close?”

Jungkook doesn’t want to admit it, but– “Yes,” he says. He’s breathing like he’s just run a marathon, sweat dripping down his neck. You observe it drip down his body, as it curves down his neck and to his chest.

“You aren’t coming until I say so, got it?” You warn. He nods, cock twitching in desperation for your mouth to continue what it was doing.

But instead, you reach back to your bed, and Jungkook finally notices the tape measure that you’d left there. Oh right. Jungkook is brought back to reality, suddenly remembering why he’d gone here in the first place.

“This will only take a second, baby,” you whisper lowly, and Jungkook’s conscience is shot out of his head once more. Call him baby one more time, and Jungkook is sure to bust his load. He’s worried he might gain a Pavlovian response to the word; getting hard every time someone so much as utters “baby” for whatever reason.

You unravel the measuring tape, placing the end of it near the base of his member. You drag it over his length, whistling in awe as the number keeps growing and growing. “Shit, you really are huge,” you gasp in amazement, peering closely at the measurement to make sure you aren’t reading it wrong. “Nearly nine inches. Are you insane?”

Jungkook chuckles in embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s… nothing?”

You snort, shaking your head at the pure audacity of this boy in front of you. “No need to humblebrag, baby. Unless you want me to degrade you, then stop being coy with me.”

At the word “degrade,” Jungkook’s erection twitches with interest. Of course, you notice. “Oh? You want me to degrade you?”

Jungkook’s face heats up, forever astonished by your brazenness. “N-no! That’s not what I–”

“You want me to call your cock pathetic, huh? Is that what you want?”

Jungkook whines, shifting from foot to foot as he tries to avoid your lustful gaze. “I…”

“Want me to call you names, huh? Took your cock so long to get hard, struggled so much to get it up. What a useless dick that you have…” you trail off, covering your mouth behind your hand to hide your grin.

Jungkook feels like he’s about to fall over. The pressure in between his legs is reaching his breaking point, and Jungkook really doesn’t want to embarrass himself by coming untouched. He has a sinking suspicion you’d enjoy it if he did, however.

Your hand slides back to his crotch, cupping his erection once more. You run your palm along him once, enjoying the way his breath hitches. He’s undeniably close and it fills you with pride knowing that you did this to him. “You’re close.” You say it like a fact.

Jungkook squirms. “Please… Faster… I’m so close, Y/N. Just a lil bit more, please…”

“I love it when you beg,” you laugh, sounding a little mean. “But since you’ve been nice all this time, I’ll let you.”

Your hands speed up, twisting and pulling him in ways that Jungkook isn’t sure are possible. He’s full-on panting like a fucking dog right now, humping shallowly into your hand like he’s lost his mind. He’s so unbelievably close, the heat in his stomach climbing higher and higher until––

“SHIT! Y/N!”

You stop, confused. That shout didn’t sound like Jungkook. You turn to your closed door, ears straining for the sound again. “Yoongi?” you call out. “Did you say something?”

Muffled footsteps come rushing closer. Your doorknob jiggles, but Jungkook had thankfully locked it when he’d come into the room earlier. Yoongi huffs from behind the door, banging loudly on the frame. “Y/N! Help! I fucking dropped the cheesecake!”

“He dropped the cheesecake,” you repeat dully to yourself. You share a look with Jungkook. The banging doesn’t stop.

“Y/N PLEASEEE THE KITCHEN IS A MESS!” Yoongi screams, uncaring of whatever he was interrupting. “YOU OWE ME! I PAID FOR YOUR RENT LAST MONTH SO YOU GOTTA HELP!”

“I hate that bastard,” you sigh, defeated. You let go of Jungkook reluctantly, giving him an apologetic look. Jungkook wants to cry. “I’m… really sorry for leaving you again like this. I…” you hesitate, looking at the door then back to him. “I do kind of owe him, so…”

Jungkook exhales shakily, bending down to the floor to pick his shirt up. He dresses quietly, cheeks burning. Why must you keep torturing him like this? He thinks his balls might explode at this point. “It’s no problem… I’ll just take care of myself at home.”

You peer at him, feeling incredibly guilty. “I have a connecting bathroom. You could use it if you want?”

“That’d be great, thanks.” Jungkook says before hurriedly rushing out of there. He refuses to look at you as he slams the bathroom door shut, breathing slowly through his nostrils in an attempt to calm himself. He waits as he listens for you to leave before his hands scramble back onto his dick, loudly crying out as he tugs himself to completion.

His legs give out from under him as he slides down to the floor, spurts of hot cum flying past his fist. Wave after wave of pleasure tingles down his spine as he slides up and down his cock. After his dick shoots its last droplet of cum, Jungkook slams his head against your bathroom wall. He’s exhausted.

He closes his eyes, thinks about how his life has led him up to this moment. Jizzing in some near stranger’s home while one of his best friends cleans up his fallen cheesecake.

“Jesus fucking Christ I hate it here,” he says. He gets up unsteadily, washing his hands of his mess.

x x x x x

Fully dressed and unsatisfyingly sated, Jungkook exits your bathroom with a flush down his neck. He keeps his eyes averted from you, but not before glaring heatedly at Yoongi as he turns to leave. Yoongi cocks his head to the side, annoyingly unaware of what he had done.

“You okay, dude? You look like a bull ready to pummel me,” Yoongi snickers, bemused by Jungkook’s flared nostrils. “Seriously. You okay?”

You slap Yoongi on the thigh, huffing angrily as you stay squatted on the floor, your other hand busy wiping off the cheesecake from the floor with a paper towel. “Shut up. You’ve done enough shitheadery today.”

Yoongi looks at the mounted clock on your fridge. “It’s only 7PM. My shitheadery doesn’t clock out until 10PM today.”

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook waves his goodbye. “Well. I guess I’ll see you guys,” he murmurs, inching closer to the door. He walks out in silence, no longer bothering to hide his pouting. He takes the elevator down, ruminating on his existence. When he reaches the ground floor, his phone immediately dings with a notification.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ hey. please don’t hate me. i’m really sorry. raincheck?

Jungkook snorts, stopping in his tracks. It’s always just rainchecks with you. He types up a quick response.

from: jjk it’s not your fault. it’s fine.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ you sure? you got off well by yourself at least, right?

from: jjk yeah. don’t worry about it.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ if you’re down… i could help you through the phone? when you get home? :( i just feel really bad. like, genuinely. yoongi is an asshole.

The offer sounds interesting, but sadly, Jungkook is out of juice for the day. He’s got a lot of stamina for many things, but it turns out he’s out of practice when it comes to his own dick.

from: jjk nah it’s fine. thanks though.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ i hope you’re still down for the contest? doyoung texted me while we were busy a while ago and said that they were free tomorrow after 12?

from: jjk no worries. i’ll be there.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ <3 ty you’re the best!! <3

He groans, slapping himself in the face. God, he is so fucking whipped.

x x x x x

The next day, Jungkook wakes up with a burning headache. He feels hungover even though he didn’t drink at all the night before, and Jungkook wonders if his brain had somehow deflated overnight with how hollow he feels. He grabs his phone from his bed stand, sees a new text from you reminding him of what he’d promised.

You had sent him an address to another apartment complex just a few bus stops away from where he lives and he assumes this must be either Doyoung’s or Taeyong’s place. He shuts his eyes for another few moments, trying his best to remember how to live.

It’s already nearing noon, so he needs to get going if he doesn’t want to be late. He shudders to think what you might do if he ghosts you. Despite how guilty you were yesterday for leaving him mid-nut, he doesn’t think that debt will cover him if he chooses not to show up to the dick-measuring contest.

On the bus, he fidgets in his seat, picking at the rips in his jeans and doing anything to keep his mind busy. He keeps thinking that someone knows what he’s up to, paranoia eating him from the inside out as he darts his eyes left and right, hoping no one can actually read minds. The bus is relatively empty, with only him and an elderly couple sitting near the front. They seem none the wiser, though Jungkook fears what they would think if they knew what he was up to.

He almost wishes he was wearing Seokjin’s thot shorts, as the skimpy excuse of clothing had somehow given him some sort of confidence the day before. Gone is that false sense of (misplaced) bravado; instead, Jungkook is filled with anxiety at the prospect of showing a couple of strangers his dick.

(A fairly human response, but that doesn’t help Jungkook’s current case.)

He arrives at the apartment complex in record time, and he sees you standing by the entrance. You look well-rested, your hands fiddling with your phone. Jungkook has only ever seen you when you were wearing that revealing dress from the club and your pajamas from your home, so he’s kind of shocked to see you look cute in your simple white dress and jean jacket. Not that you didn’t look good those other times, but seeing you look like a normal university student is astonishing, for lack of better word.

You almost look like a regular girl just waiting for her date to pick her up.

“Hey!” You greet him cheerily when you see him approach, waving at him. He waves back, the apples of his cheeks dusted pink from his previous thoughts. She’s not your date, you weirdo. Wait, she’s the weirdo. Get it together man! This shit is fucked up.

“This is their place, I assume?” Jungkook asks, looking at the building. It appears almost identical to your own apartment complex, minus the mini water fountain at the front. Ah, the wonders of living in a concrete jungle.

“Yep,” you nod. You start walking towards the entrance, with Jungkook following closely. “You ready? God, I can’t wait to see Doyoung’s stupid face. He’s gonna be so pissed!”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jungkook mutters, vibrating with nerves.

You both make your way to the apartment, with you humming quietly while he sweats profusely beside you. At least one of you is having fun, he thinks grimly to himself. You reach apartment 322, knocking three times before a boy with neat black hair opens the door.

“Y/N! Good to see you,” the boy says, reaching for a hug. You hug him back enthusiastically, ignoring Jungkook’s bemused stares. If this boy is either Doyoung or Taeyong, aren’t you supposed to… hate both of their guts? Or at least, not be friends? What even is going on?

When you step back, you point at Jungkook offhandedly. “Oh yeah, this is Jungkook. The guy I’m dating.”

Jungkook nearly chokes on his own spit, but luckily the boy doesn’t notice. Right… You guys are supposed to be dating. It’s not real, though. Get a grip! “Hi, I’m Jungkook,” he wheezes, shaking the other guy’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you…”

“I’m Doyoung,” he introduces himself, a small smile on his lips. “Nice to meet you too. I’ve heard… a lot about you, so to speak.”

Jungkook squeaks, earning a chuckle from Doyoung. “No need to be embarrassed. I think we’re way past that point now. Sorry for roping you into this, by the way. But when Y/N wants to fight, well… Let’s just say I’m not going to be the first one who backs down.”

“Says the dude who couldn’t even beat me at arm wrestling,” you snort, pushing past Doyoung and walking into his home. Doyoung rolls his eyes, gesturing for Jungkook to come in.

“Props to you for dating her, by the way. I’ve been friends with that demon since elementary school, so I know what she’s like. You must be a guy with strong willpower,” Doyoung says.

“I’m… Sorry for saying this, but I’m kind of confused? I didn’t know you guys were friends,” Jungkook says, examining Doyoung’s apartment. It’s a lot bigger than yours, though he does recall you saying that Doyoung was filthy rich. It’s a lot more modern looking for sure, as Jungkook can see that Doyoung has two industrial-sized refrigerators in his kitchen. What kind of university student needs two industrial-sized refrigerators?

“Yeah, we are. She actually only dated Taeyong because she knew we both liked each other but I was too stubborn to make a move, so she did the only thing she knew how to do: be an asshole,” he explains simply. Jungkook nods, needing no further clarification.

“Jungkook! Come with me,” you pop out from one of the doorways deeper in the apartment, beckoning him closer. You point at Doyoung, “And you. Get Taeyong ready. I’m gonna need a few minutes to get Jungkook in tip-top shape!”

Doyoung chuckles, shoving Jungkook towards you. “Well, that’s my cue. I’ll introduce you to Taeyong later, I guess. He’s in my bedroom, so we’ll come out in about 20 minutes? That should be enough time, right?”

Yeah. Right. Jungkook walks numbly towards you, arms rigged by his sides as you pull him into Doyoung’s spare bathroom. You lock the door close, whirling around to face him with your hands on your hips. You’ve rolled your sleeves up, appearing like a demented surgeon preparing to dissect him. “Well! Strip!”

Jungkook is clumsy when he unbuttons his jeans, his entire body feeling like it’s being weighed down by pounds of lead. He shucks them off, leaving him in his boxers (thankfully, with no holes in them. He made sure to double-check before he left this morning.) You appraise him silently, thinking of what to do next.

Before Jungkook can say anything, your hands are already on his chest, pointer fingers placed near his nipples. His piercings are visible through his thin shirt, much to your appreciation. You circle them lazily, much like how you did yesterday.

Jungkook can’t relax long enough to enjoy it, however. His shoulders are tense, fists clenched behind his back. He’s trying to stop thinking about what’s going to happen, trying to enjoy your touch. He grits his teeth, swallowing thickly.

“I… I can’t do this, Y/N.” he mumbles. “I don’t think I can get hard. I’m too nervous.”

You pause in your movements. “You’re nervous?” you purr, voice lowering. Jungkook stops fidgeting to stare at you, sensing the shift in your demeanor. “How can I alleviate that, hmm?”

“What?”

You pinch his nipples, hard. He gasps, whimpering right after from the jolt of pain. “I think I know how to calm you down,” you murmur, staring him down like he’s nothing more than a delicious snack.

“You want me to hurt you, huh? Is that it? Answer me, slut.” You say those words, but there’s a small bit of hesitation in your expression, like you’re worried if he truly likes it. When he nods enthusiastically, urging you to go on, you smile softly at him. His heart hammers in his chest, a small case of butterflies beginning to erupt there. You look kinda cute, even if you have his nipples in a twist.

“If it’s too much, just say ‘dumbo’ and I’ll stop, okay?” Jungkook nods once more, eager to get going.

You smirk, letting go of his nipples and gripping his hips instead. Your thumbs stay innocently above his boxers. “Do you like it when I call you names too, huh? You like being pinched and prodded?”

Jungkook whines, already turning needy. The anxiety from a while ago slowly drains away, leaving only lust to cloud his mind. “N-no, I just…”

“No?” You laugh, your thumbs catching on the garter of his boxers and pulling them down until the tip of his cock peeks out, already in the midst of getting hard. “Then what’s this?”

“Nggh…” Jungkook can’t say anything, can only stare helplessly at you.

“Pathetic. You have a nine-inch cock but it’s good for nothing except earning me a bit of money. Shame, isn’t it? Would be nice if you knew how to use it, then maybe I’d let you fuck me,” you say, edging closer to him until your lips find his exposed collarbones. You suck harshly, giddy when color immediately blooms at the spot. You thread your fingers into his dark, fluffy hair – and tug.

It’s too much all at once – Jungkook isn’t ready for any of it at all. He’s panting, whining, drooling a little. He shimmies his hips a little, his boxers sliding down his thighs and onto the marble floor. His cock springs free, already dripping pre-cum but still only half-hard.

“Ah, there it is. Your big useless cock. My, my… Already dirtying Doyoungie’s floor with your slick, huh? You gonna make the floor wet, baby?”

Jungkook garbles something; did he say something? Who knows. All he knows right now is that 1) you’re making him lose his marbles and 2) he’s embarrassingly close. He’s never gotten this hard so fast in his entire life, and he might be suffering from blood loss or something. His head feels light, like he’s floating. His entire body is thrumming, senses filled with nothing but you.

You gently lead him closer to the bathtub where you sit, still paying no attention to his weeping arousal. Your mouth is dangerously close to it though, but you make no move to hold him in your mouth. Instead, you hike your skirt up until it reaches your waist, revealing your white panties. Jungkook zeroes in on the darkening patch, a shuddering breath leaving his lungs. He’s screwed.

“Show me how you pleasured yourself yesterday, when you were in my bathroom,” you say, caressing the front of your panties. You grind against your palm, eyelashes fluttering as your jaw drops into an ‘o’. You exhale through your nose, laughing breathily. “If you do well, then maybe I’ll show you what I did when you left, hmm?”

Jungkook has never moved faster in his life than he did then. He takes his erection into his hands, sighing with relief when he begins to pump. He moves slower than he usually would, unwilling to finish so soon after getting this far. He’s already wound up from your teasing (and if you count the past few days, then let’s say he’s been edged long enough.)

You study him with sharp eyes, focusing on the movement of his hands. “That’s it. It must be easy jerking off with how wet you are, huh?”

“Y-yeah.” Jungkook speeds up, flicking his wrist and focusing on the sensitive tip of his cock. His attention is pulled when he sees you shift from the corner of his eye. His grip stutters when you push your panties to the side, giving him a full view of your glistening core. He licks his lips, aching to put his mouth there but only if you’d allow him.

“Why’d you stop?” You stretch your leg out, using your foot to urge his wrist to keep moving. “Come on. I want to see you.”

You circle your clit leisurely before dipping your fingers into your pussy two fingers at a time, wet enough for the slide to be smooth. Jungkook quickens his pace, wanting to match your speed. He watches, mesmerized, at the sight of your fingers pushing in and out.

The obscene sounds coming from the both of you is loud enough to mask Jungkook’s desperate mewls. He’s going faster now, wanting nothing more than to cum all over you and your pussy. You’d look good in his cum, the pearly droplets would look good in contrast with your perfect skin.

Your thighs are shaking, your own breathing shallow as you quickly approach your end. You’re moaning in tandem with him, your arousal coating your fingers generously as it begins to run down the back of your hand. You’re scissoring yourself, but it’s barely enough when you compare it to Jungkook’s cock. No, nothing would be enough to prepare you to take him. He’d ruin you, and the thought of him breaking you is enough to help you tip over the edge.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you moan, eyes screwing shut as you are wrought with the strongest orgasm of your life. More wetness drips out of you as you rub frantically at your clit, riding your high. You look at Jungkook through your eyelashes, lips parted. “Fuck,” you repeat.

Jungkook can’t hold back anymore. He knows he shouldn’t cum but the pleasure is skyrocketing at an unparalleled speed. His balls tighten, the heat in his abdomen building until he can’t hold back even if he tried. He shudders once, twice, before jets of his cum spills from over his fist, some of the droplets making their way onto your thighs. He moans at the sight, doesn’t try to change his trajectory as his mind is completely hazed with lust. “Shit, I’m–” Jungkook grinds one last time into his hand, before promptly slumping down onto the floor.

“Jesus, that was a lot of cum,” he hears you say, but he can’t bring himself to look at you. He’s ashamed, having cummed without your permission. He can feel his dick softening underneath him, and he dimly remembers that hadn’t been the plan at all. He was supposed to get hard, have his dick measured, and then finish if he was allowed. And now, he ruined everything because he couldn’t hold himself back.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he mutters quietly, hiding behind his cum-stained hands. He cringes when the mess enters his eyes, wiping his palm somewhere on his leg. “Fuck. I messed everything up. You were just… It was too much… You…”

“Should’ve used your safety word, Jungkook.”

“It wasn’t because it was bad,” Jungkook’s cheeks flush, “It was… too good.”

You kneel beside him, cradling his chin and forcing him to look at you. He had been afraid to see disappointment in your eyes, so he’s absolutely surprised to see you look… amused. You’re even giggling a little.

“Sorry. I went a bit overboard. Even I get horny sometimes,” you shrug, wiping a bit of cum away from his forehead. Your own fingers are slick with your own cum, so really, you were just making a bigger mess of his face. Jungkook can’t say he’s opposed to a little mess. “You just looked so good that I couldn’t help myself.”

“You… enjoyed yourself, too? I’m not insane for thinking there’s something between us?”

“Honestly, you’re at least a little bit insane,” you laugh at his dumbfounded expression. “What? I’m cuckoo, and you know it. The fact that you got turned on by me even after all I’d done to you… Really puts you into perspective, huh?”

Jungkook grumbles, but he’s no longer frowning. “I guess. My friends tell me I have a type, and I guess you fit the bill.”

You laugh wholeheartedly at that, and it brings a smile to Jungkook’s face. He likes it when you laugh, he decides. “Same here. I guess you’re my type, too.”

You peer down at his flaccid dick. “Too bad about your meat flute, though. Unless you can get it back up in the next 2 minutes, then I don’t think you’re getting that three grand.”

“Please don’t call my dick that,” Jungkook says before shrugging his shoulders. “And it’s no worries. I had the biggest nut of my life and that’s good enough to me. Plus, you said you’d give me one thousand dollars if I agreed to help you out, so you better not back out on that.”

You snigger, patting him gently on the shoulder. “Yeah, whatever. But not before we get out of here and you fuck my brains out, got it? You need to work for it, baby.”

Is it bad that his cock was already beginning to stir once more? Unprecedented, as it usually took Jungkook ages to get back up. Maybe you really were the one for him.

“Deal. Let’s get out of here?”

When the two of you finish getting cleaned up and leave the bathroom with no evidence that you had even been there, Doyoung doesn’t even bat an eye as you walk past him, eager to get out of the door. Taeyong is lounging on the couch with his dick… mysteriously still in his pants, as if he had no intention of taking them off in the first place.

“Sorry, we need to leave. There’s an emergency we have to attend to. See you, Doyoungie!” You tug Jungkook along, who waves his own hasty goodbye.

The door clicks shut, leaving the couple alone once more. Taeyong grins up at Doyoung, “You really are amazing, Doyoung. How’d you know she’d end up with him?”

Doyoung flicks open his phone, showing Taeyong his text messages with none other than Kim Seokjin himself. “All according to keikaku, my love. Kim Seokjin always wins.”

[facelessoldgargoyle]

I saw a post calling RHPS transphobic and like. If you don’t like RHPS or if it makes you uncomfortable that is totally fine. I see why it would do that.

But the thing about Frank being a transvestite who’s slutty, controlling, deceptive, and a murderer is that I love him. He’s positioned as the protagonist from the moment he’s on screen. You’re supposed to love him, and you’re supposed to love him despite (or for!) all the evil things he does.

That’s why queer people love this movie so much! It’s subversive through and through. It sets you up to expect a creature feature B-movie, but it gives you the opposite of what it promises. The creature is beautiful. The heroes are a bore. The villain immediately steals the spotlight.

See, B-movie creature features got popular during the Hayes Code, when all queer people in film had to die or be turned straight at the end. Horror especially was a queer genre because of this. And so Frank being queer is not unusual in and of itself. Frank being loved for being queer is revolutionary.

From the first shot of him tapping his heel in the elevator, Frank is cool. He’s sexy. He’s surrounded by admirers, friends, and lovers. All of his enemies have a line about how they only hate him because he doesn’t love them anymore. That’s radical, because one of the stipulations of the Hays code was that gay people had to be lonely, secretive, and isolated. Frank is the opposite; he’s larger than life and beloved by all.

Even Frank’s death is subversive! He’s given an entire song to serenade the audience in farewell. Rocky mourns him hysterically. When Janet asks him why, Riff Raff shouts, “He didn’t like me! He never liked me!”

And like, the thing about being subversive is that you have to play with the bad tropes. And if the subversion wasn’t effective for you, I don’t blame you. There’s way more queer media now than there was in 1973. Find your bliss. For me and a lot of other queer people though, the message of “I’m an evil cannibalistic queer who breaks up straight couples and build beautiful twinks for own sexual pleasure” is deeply empowering.

Additionally, I think a lot of my experience of the show has been shaped by going to live shows. Being in a theater filled with gay people worshipping when Dr Frankenfurter shows up feels so life-giving. It’s like, even if I end up being the most evil fulfillment of conservatives’ fear-mongering, I will still be loved.