#this idea would literally make biphobic people think they’re right

[perfectlysunny02]

Also there’s a belief out there that “all bisexual people do is cheat”. Imagine how it’s going to look now that Buck’s come out, if he immediately cheats.

God, it’s like y’all want to prove bigots right.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/729691227788820480/one-thing-that-comes-up-in-ace-discourse-that-is

Yeah, “anyone is allowed to say no to sex with literally anyone for any reason” is just a good baseline belief for anyone to have. There should be no confusion about that.

I think where people online can get weird about that is that this includes when people’s “reasons” are kind of shitty, e.g. they reject someone for their race or disability or weight or because they’re trans or whatever. But you’ve still gotta hold fast to that bigot’s right to say no, and not *just* because the person they’re rejecting isn’t going to have a good time with a bigot anyway. But because being forced or cajoled or socially pressured into having sex is evil, and body autonomy is paramount.

It’s like the similar argument people on here get weird about sometimes with abortion: you have to support the right of a pregnant person to abort because it’s a girl or because of the father’s race or because it has a particular disability or because they have the resources to take care of a kid but just don’t want to or because they just feel like it that day or whatever reason you “don’t like,” or you are not actually pro-choice. Similar to free speech, your belief in bodily autonomy is only actually that if you believe in it for reasons that you despise. If it’s not 100% the choice of the person with the body in question, then they don’t actually have bodily autonomy. If you support that autonomy, by definition that means you don’t get a vote when it’s someone else’s body.

So this likewise goes for if it’s “politically correct” for people with X identity to have/not have sex (or have/not have it with Y people) including for ace people to have or not have sex, or for allosexual people to reject asexual partners and vice versa. If you don’t believe people have an absolute right to reject someone for sex or dating, then you don’t support their autonomy. End of story. Your feelings about their decisions don’t matter.

It’s wild how many people on the left-wing corners of the Internet don’t get this. But there is so much pressure even offline for people in those circles to ignore their wants and needs under the guise of checking for how oppressive their standards are or are not. I have unfortunately known people whose whole dating lives seem to be based on exploiting their partners’ guilt over rejecting a trans person or ace person or POC and using that to encourage their partners to overlook their giant red flags. (This is not saying trans or ace people or POC are more likely to do that or something, I’m bringing those identities up because I’m thinking of some creepy individuals I know that have those identities and weaponize them. But it’s those individuals who are creepy, the identity is just their tool and if it wasn’t that it would be something else — but the idea in some left-wing spaces that some reasons for rejecting are less valid than others makes it easier for them to wield that tool and more effectively.)

Like, there are preferences people have that I privately think are pretty shitty. I’m a lesbian who has met other lesbians who say they won’t date bi women, for instance, and along with that I have yet to hear a reason *from them* for that preference that isn’t rooted in biphobia (and also often misogynistic slut-shaming), I can’t even think myself of a reason for that preference that wouldn’t be. There’s just no reason for *rejecting all bi women as romantic/sexual partners* if you’re into women, that isn’t based on some weird stereotypes or misconceptions about bi women or bisexuals/bisexuality more generally. But I still think those biphobic lesbians have the right to reject bi women. Because the idea that you are obligated to have sex/relationships you don’t want for the sake of “unlearning bigotry” is even more gross and disturbing!

--

[vampish-glamour]

I never watched G*od Om*ns, so it was fandom again with the "they're gay"???

At least Star Trek did this right, you know, not lying to please someone. Spock and Kirk was never a thing and also was never meant to be a thing. But the creator himself said, if you wanna see them like that, it's fine. Do what you want. But in canon it's not that way.

But really, somehow fandom seems to make it easy for creators to just bait, but never commit and they're happy, wtf.

And IF they get actual lgbt rep, they're upset because it's not the character they WANTED to be lgbt....

Actually, the fandom is largely against them being gay because they claim it’s “nonbinary and asexual representation”.

Which bothers me just because they’re basically applauding homophobic tropes simply because they benefit from homophobic tropes.

I want to make it clear that my problem isn’t “why aren’t you making the characters canonically gay?!!?!!? This is homophobic!!!11!1!1”. I’m fine with the relationship remaining a close friendship canonically. And canonically speaking, I think I might prefer that tbh.

My problem is with how the original homophobia in the book sort of goes ignored, and how the writer teases and hints and in this case I would actually say baits… and then receives praise from the fandom for doing what everyone else does when it comes to gay pairings.

Basic overview of the situation from my POV:

Book establishes a character as a gay stereotype

Immediately goes “but he isn’t gay because angels are sexless unless they make an effort” (IMO the sexless thing could’ve been established in many other ways. Did it really have to be done in a “don’t worry he’s not gay” way?)

Book proceeds to make the gay stereotype thing a running joke, with the character being called various homophobic slurs (but see, it’s funny because it’s misplaced homophobia. He doesn’t actually deserve the homophobia he experiences like an actual gay person would /s)

Show comes out, includes romantic music, lots of subtext, and the writer confirming that it’s a “love story”, as well as the actors confirming they acted “in love”. Except… it’s done vaguely enough that anyone can come away with their own interpretation. Which is nothing new. There’s literally nothing revolutionary about leaving a same sex relationship “up for interpretation”.

All the “representation” actually comes from what the writer says on Twitter. He goes on about how they’re sexless and therefore cannot possibly be gay but are also inherently “queer”… but doesn’t actually add this into canon. So casual viewers are not experiencing any sort of “representation”.

IMO this is a homophobic media trope. Give two men or two women scenes that would be explicitly romantic if it were a man and a woman, tease the audience with “maybeee~”, but still make sure that ultimately, homophobes won’t be offended and can come away from the material thinking “what good friends!”. Say “it’s up for interpretation”, which is something I hardly see with M/F pairings. Especially with the virtue signalling on social media.

Keep in mind, something isn’t “representation” if everyone comes away with different ideas of what was represented. If one person can think “they’re gay and married” and another can think “they’re aspec and in a QPR”, that’s not representation. Representation only happens when something is undeniable. For example, a character who is undeniably bisexual because they are shown to be interested in both men and women (biphobic pannies coming to their own conclusions don’t count here lol, since bi = pan and pan = bi, so even if they claim the character is pansexual, they’re still getting the same outcome)

Now here’s where my issue comes in.

Instead of calling this out, the fandom runs with it and benefits from it. A vague relationship on screen allows them to claim representation for themselves, usually for made up labels like aspec, SAM type asexuality, queerplatonic, etc.

They praise the writer for being “inclusive”, and for “representing” them… when really this “inclusivity” is a result of homophobic tropes, and there’s actually no representation at all. Keep in mind, all the clues for what could be going on come from social media. A casual viewer is either going to see two gay men, or two good friends. They have no way of knowing about the woke “queer” bullshit unless they’re heavily involved in fandom.

The writer has a habit of teasing things and being intentionally misleading. Here’s an example

Not telling what’s going to happen and not giving spoilers, is very different from intentionally baiting. “Wait and see” sounds like a “yes”… because it would be incredibly shitty to lead people on when the answer is a solid “no”.

However, considering he’s only half of the writers, and establishing a relationship other than what he and the other writer discussed would be disrespectful… the answer is very likely “no”.

So just say “no”. It’s okay to say “no, they’re not getting together”. But he knows that people are more likely to watch if they’re waiting for the two to get together the whole time…so he has to keep it vague and mysterious and he has to keep baiting.

Of course the answer could very well be “yes” and that’s what he’s hinting at. But I highly doubt it, mostly because of the “only one author around” issue. So until I’m proven wrong, I will maintain that this is him being intentionally misleading, as he admitted to.

So that’s where I have the issue—I wouldn’t have an issue if he just straight up said “no, they’re not going to hook up, they’re good friends”. What is an issue, is perpetuating classic homophobic media tropes, of giving just enough but not too much…and then saying “it’s up for interpretation”. Which roughly translates to “here’s some crumbs for the gays”. What’s especially an issue, is then disguising this under woke kweer language and lapping up all the praise you can get for being such an “Ally” to “queers”.

And of course, I have an issue with how the fandom receives this. Because instead of calling the bullshit out for what it is, they actually call gay people talking about homophobia “aphobic discourse”, and say things like “gay men have enough representation!!”, and try to argue that actually, the homophobic trope of vague same sex relationships that are left up to interpretation, is actually super inclusive and amazing and progressive because it represents asexuals, aromantics, nonbinary people, queerplatonic relationships, etc.

Or they put down gay people for wanting more explicit representation, because “uhh… some people are aro!!! Some people are ace!!”. Despite missing that non romantic or non sexual relationships between men can be found in pretty much every single piece of media ever, and is 100% socially acceptable. Explicit gay relationships however, are still looked down upon.

And then they act like the religious homophobes, by taking “explicit gay representation” to mean “explicit hardcore sex scene”. Like I’ve seen nobody demand a sex scene when they’re talking about gay representation in G O. I’m certainly not. Yet the kweers always manage to interpret gay people wanting proper representation as “you want sex!!! You want porn!!!”. To me, it really seems no different from religious homophobes seeing an advertisement with two men and immediately talking about how it promotes “deviant gay sex”.

What worries me is that these types of fandoms—who applaud creators for giving gay people crumbs—set a precedent for other creators. They make it known that gay representation actually isn’t needed for media to be praised. They give creators a safe way to get out of representing gay couples—while keeping both the queers and homophobes happy at the same time. Now they can hop on social media and say “no, they’re not gay, but it’s up for interpretation!” And the queers will think this is top tier representation, and praise the creators for it.

As always, this turned into a long spiel lmao. But that’s an explanation of my thoughts and why I’m frustrated. Again—I’m not mad that a romantic relationship isn’t canon. That in itself isn’t homophobic. But the way that the writer and fandom are handling it, is.

I’m not familiar with Star Trek (I do want to watch it, mostly to understand the Star Trek vs Star Wars stuff lmao.), but it sounds like that’s a good way to handle it. If you don’t want to make a relationship canon—that’s fine. But be honest about it, don’t drag fans along with teasing and baiting.

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

[scarlet--wiccan]

I like tommy and David together for the elaborate fanon couple people have built up (I know you’ve pointed out that shipping two people based on a kiss wasn’t consensual on either side isn’t great and I wholeheartedly agree—I think more people ship them as a “pairing the spares” type thing since most of the other YA chars have more popular/canon ships, not everyone’s read the other things the characters appear in, and noh’s weird since V2 ends on an unflattering note for him and he looks so much like tommy on panel) and I’m not inherently against the idea of them being together in canon. Like during emperor hulking it was kind of perfect because neither of them were doing anything so they just kind of threw a bone to their fans (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing). I want their relationship to mean something if it’s going to be a thing but X-Factor is just not handling it well and this really isn’t the time for them to be together if they can’t deal with it.

I’m not sure there’s a good way to resolve the issues there but if there’s a story about them in Pride the week before the issue Tommy’s at the hellfire gala (in what looks like a surprise?) I’d love if they like. Broke up in Pride. I’m not sure how well that’s go over given the theme of the issue but if they actually discussed the issues in their relationship, even if they unrealistically reconciled a week later, I’d feel a lot better about it. Although their relationship is already so bare-bones they could just as easily show them getting together, or no significant landmark at all…

I think the best case scenario at this point is tommy would feel like David’s keeping him at arms length for some reason and the reason is revealed to be the pretender thing, which he didn’t want Tommy to find out about at all. So when tommy finds out he’s pissed but David still buys into it on some level because the propaganda is working overtime on krakoa and he was depowered himself and I assume he doesn’t know Wanda if he’s even met her so they fight and break up over it. But next issue tommy shows up at the hellfire ball and they both say they’re sorry and something about actually getting to know each other’s parents, maybe tommy gets to say something rude to prof x or someone. Not ideal but it’s the best I can see happening because I can’t see them suddenly shifting to have tons of sympathy for wanda (even this much is a stretch) and I’d be worried about people acting like David is the villain in this situation for being conflicted (like when he kissed teddy and people acted like he was the devil when that was really out of character and just biphobic writing in general)

Dunno if David's actually met Wanda, but he's been in a room with her at least once-- he crossed paths with her and the Kaplans in Young Avengers, but they didn't speak and the parents were all under Mother's control at that point. I can't remember what David was doing during AvX, but he might have been around when Wanda and Hope were having their whole shindig.

Anyways, you're 100% correct and I agree with you completely-- I like David and Tommy together in theory, and their dynamic was cute in YA, but there is literally no substance to their relationship as it stands. That's mostly a problem because it doesn't do any favors for Tommy, who is a criminally underused character, but it's particularly dissatisfying right now because Krakoa presents external factors (pun intended) that should be getting in the way, or at least giving them things to work through-- but no one is acknowledging that. Tommy, specifically, is denied interiority and seems to have been washed clean of his backstory and other relationships, which, like, sucks.

I'm looking forward to their story in Marvel's Voices: Pride. I don't know if it's going to be set in the present day, or if it'll be a flashback to how they got together, but I am hoping it'll add some substance to their relationship. I've talked about this a little before, but these characters are both young men of color who have each recently come into their bisexuality-- and for Tommy, this might actually be the point of realization. That right there is a love story that I desperately want to read, so I'd be happy just to see their first date or their first real kiss. It'd give me a reason to root for this couple when the Krakoan dust settles, and it'd give Kieron a chance to make good on how poorly he handled David's kissing streak, and Tommy's character in general, the first time around.

I like the story idea you suggested, although I'm not sure Williams would be able to squeeze all of that into one issue of X-Factor. If this relationship is going to work going forward, I at least need to know that David and the other mutants that Tommy is socializing with have a clear understanding of the Decimation, are aware of the conflict that Tommy being on Krakoa represents, and would have his back when push comes to shove. If not, well... the other shoe has to drop, and I want serious emotional payoff.

[pronouncingitwang]

jon, melanie, and georgie friendship | 1.5K words | basically just. how jon finds out melanie’s bi | for the @jonsimsbipride prompt “solidarity”

“Martin? Are you still there?” Georgie calls from the couch at a volume that makes Jon wince.

Martin’s fallen asleep on the loveseat, his face smushed into the arm of the chair as he snores. For the last few minutes, Jon has been looking at the rise and fall of his chest with something resembling awe. Even a year after the world began again, Jon finds it difficult to believe that they’re safe, that he can just watch Martin without needing to watch over him.

“Pretty sure those are his snores I’m hearing right now,” says Melanie, and Georgie whispers a quick apology.

Recovery has been hard, but being roommates with the Qing-Barkers helps, at least sometimes. Georgie described their shared living situation as “living in group therapy” on more than one occasion, which is true on hard days. Melanie described it as “being back in uni again, but mostly in a good way?” which is true on better days. Martin maintains that it’s worth it for The Admiral and Melanie’s service dog, Mothman, alone, which is true on every day.

Today is a good day. There’s been a lot of laughter, from when Georgie and Melanie had met him and Martin at the airport to telling them honeymoon stories over dinner to now, when they’re all lying around doing nothing, and jet lag has rendered Jon too tired to drag himself to bed.

“Come and cuddle with us instead, Jon,” Melanie stage-whispers from beside Georgie. After checking that Martin is comfortable one more time, Jon agrees.

Melanie is snuggled under a blanket with a pink, purple, and blue yarn mix. Martin had gifted the blanket to Georgie for her birthday, even though Jon, I swear everyone gives their friends pride stuff when they don’t know what else to get them; are you sure it’s not obvious that I didn’t have a better idea? It's warm and soft, and by now, practically a household staple.

Jon sits down on the couch and, after checking that she’s okay with it, rests his cheek against Melanie’s shoulder. At first contact, Melanie lets out a small noise of surprise. “You shaved,” she says. “Georgie, you’re supposed to tell me about major life changes like this! How stupid does he look?”

Georgie hums. “Not too bad. I’d say… no more stupid than usual?”

“Damn,” Melanie says. “Why the smooth face, Jon?”

Georgie opens her mouth, but stops herself to let Jon explain.

“Oh,” he shrugs, “I just tend to shave whenever I have to deal with airport security. Less likely to be stopped for suspected terrorism and all.”

“Ah.” Melanie clicks her tongue. “Makes sense. Sucks, though.” She shifts, resting her head on top of Jon’s. “I guess it’s a good thing that Big Heathrow”—Georgie giggles from the other side of the couch—“doesn’t know how the apocalypse came about, then.”

Jon laughs. The part of his mind that wonders if going along with this particular joke about the apocalypse is a sign of developing emotional distance or just a coping mechanism perks its ears up, but he ignores it. “No, I’d imagine the Daily Mail would have a field day with that one.”

“I wonder how they’d spin your evil boss’s involvement,” Georgie, who steadfastly refuses to use Elias’s name, muses. “Innocent bystander? Secret lover?”

Melanie makes a retching sound, which Jon makes back at her. Melanie repeats it at a slightly higher pitch. This continues for at least a minute, before they lapse back into laughter. It really is like uni again.

“Hey, Jon,” Georgie ventures after a spot of silence, mischief coloring her voice, “Kiss, marry, kill: Big Heathrow, Daily Mail, evil boss.”

“Georgina.” It’s difficult to have a staring contest with Georgie’s body pillow in the way, but Jon manages to aim his glare right at the space between Georgie’s eyes. Georgie doesn’t back down, just smiles sweetly and raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, Jonathan?”

“Fine,” he sighs, resting his head back down onto Melanie’s shoulder. “Fine. Kill Elias again. Marry… marry Heathrow? I think it would have a tolerable personality. Which leaves…” he sighs again, “kissing the Daily Mail. Christ.”

“Bad choice,” Melanie says. “They’re basically the definition of kiss and tell. Imagine the scandal!”

“Alright, fine.” Jon says, not awake enough to debate but curious enough to challenge. “Same options. What would you pick?”

“Easy,” Melanie says. “First, obviously, I’m stabbing Elias to death. Second, I’m pretty sure Heathrow sells toothpaste, so it would be the least unpleasant to kiss. Third, and most importantly, I’m going to use my marriage to the Daily Mail to edit the articles it publishes and slowly radicalize the old white women of the UK.”

Georgie gives a few snaps of approval, and even Jon has to admit she has some points.

“There aren’t many situations where I’d divorce you willingly, Melanie,” Georgie says, “but if it was for this, I would understand.”

Melanie laughs. “I appreciate your support, babe. Your turn.”

Georgie deliberates for a while, then winces. “Sorry, Melanie. I’m going to have to go with Jon on this one.”

“Ha!” Jon says.

“I just don’t think I could deal with being married to the Daily Mail.”

“Cowards, both of you!” Melanie exclaims loudly, but is quickly shushed by both Jon and Georgie with a “Martin!” She continues in a quieter voice, “And before you say anything, Georgie, I know that’s not actually possible for you, but I’m sticking by my words.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe this. The heartbreak. The betrayal. From my own wife, and right after she said she would willingly divorce me…”

“Stop taking my words out of context!”

“Can’t, my new spouse Mx. Mail is a bad influence”(—“Which is exactly why it's better to marry Heathrow instead,” Georgie interjects—)“but at least it’d side with me against Jon.”

Jon grins. “It’s the biromanticism, Melanie. It gives me and Georgie the same taste.”

At this, Melanie sputters. “Nuh-uh. No way. Absolutely no way. Your bad choices are the results of your own bad opinions. Don’t bring me into it.”

Melanie continues to speak, but Jon is no longer listening. He feels, suddenly, like he’s missing something important. “What?” he asks, causing Melanie to pause. “How have I brought you into it?”

“Well… you said being bi makes you choose the worse option,” Melanie says, which just confuses Jon more. Then, “Wait, Jon, you do know I’m bisexual, right?”

Ah. That would do it.

“Not… not quite.”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says. “Seriously?”

“You—I’ve only ever heard you call yourself gay!” Jon cries, giving Melanie and Georgie the chance to shush him with “Martin!”

Melanie shakes her head mournfully. “I’ve been your friend—okay, not quite that, but I’ve known you—for years!”

“I was trying to save the world during most of those years!”

“You also had spooky all-knowing powers,” Georgie adds.

Jon feels his leg begin to bounce. “Well, yes, but I was actively trying not to use them on people. Checking someone’s sexuality would be a gross violation of—”

“It’s okay, Jon,” Melanie says soothingly, “I know you wouldn’t do that.” There is quiet for a few seconds as Jon takes a few deep breaths. Then, Melanie says in a wryer tone, “Jon. One of my sets of prosthetic eyes is literally the bi pride flag. I know I don’t wear it that often, but…”

“I’ve only seen it once, in bad lighting, and… I don't know, I thought maybe you were just being supportive!”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says again, her voice muffled by the pillow she’s buried her face in. Jon feels like burying his face into a pillow himself.

“This is awful,” Jon groans.

“Stop being biphobic, Jon,” Melanie says.

“Stop being bi-aced, Jon,” Georgie says, which is unfortunately quite good.

“Fine,” Jon says. “This isn’t awful. It is, instead, wonderful.” He means the last sentence to come out begrudging, but it sounds more sincere than anything else. Jon blames his emotions. Now that the initial surprise has worn off, warmth is beginning to replace it. It’s not that he’s particularly starved for bi friends, but it’s nice, having one more thing that ties him and Melanie together.

“Thank you.” Melanie gives Jon a haughty sniff, but she smiles as she does it.

Jon’s neck is beginning to strain, but Melanie is still resting her head on top of his, and he doesn’t want to bother her. He closes his eyes and tries to focus his attention elsewhere. He can take a few minutes more.

“I just realized something,” Melanie says. “Jon, I’m literally under a bi pride blanket right now.” Georgie starts to giggle again.

“I’m asleep,” says Jon.

“Yeah, under a bi pride blanket that I, too, am currently under. Because I’m bi.”

“I’m double asleep,” says Jon.

“And I’m bi,” says Melanie.

“I know it’s useless to ask, but is there any chance we can forget about this and pretend I’ve known all along?”

“No,” Melanie and Georgie say in unison.

“Great,” Jon replies, and hides his smile in his bisexual friend’s shoulder.

[charcubed]

Is it me, or is all this casual slur usage just the culmination of everyone treating "homophobia" like a Funni Joek word for years? We are what we pretend to be and all.

Eh, possible, but I don’t really think it’s connected? I mean... maybe. But I too will joke that an inconvenience that affects me is “homophobia,” and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that in and of itself in moderation.

But what I do think this maybe stems from? (Hot takes incoming...)

A) The way stan culture now sometimes includes this whole victimization vibe of jumping to “you’re literally homophobic/lesbophobic/biphobic/etc if you disagree with me on this topic” in what should be genuine discussions, which is unhelpful and often untrue. Or “oooo you wanna call me a f*g/d*ke so bad” just to be an asshole to rile people up. It’s all immature bad faith nonsense. So in that sense, you have this twin effect of people thinking the word “homophobic” doesn’t mean anything because they sling it uselessly and pointlessly to people they don’t like all the time, so when they’re told their behavior is genuinely homophobic they easily ignore that out of habit... and you have people thinking slur use is all universally reclaimed across all communities, because they toss some specific slurs around themselves, which is not how any of this works. 

A big example of the latter is the fact that people can self-identify as or call themselves a slur that belongs to their community, sure, but they don’t get to assign it to other people without consent. Then it’s just slur use, full stop. And also the fact that no, if you’re a bi or lesbian cis woman that doesn’t mean you can reclaim slurs used in a derogatory way against queer men–or that one (1) queer man telling you he thinks it’s okay speaks on behalf of the entire community. It’s such a lack of queer community/history knowledge, all around–and a lack of respect, or lack of consideration for others’ experiences and feelings.

B) It also stems from hatred of men, or disregard for men’s feelings. I’m not kidding; I do think some of this is a serious culmination of that becoming normalized. It’s the subtle pervasiveness of this online idea of “It’s okay to be mean to men because men are trash, actually” and a dislike of masculinity on principle. Which, again: not how this works. But it’s why people don’t seem to care when they’re called out, and they seem to be incapable of recognizing that some of their “jokes”–i.e. threats of fake violence against someone, bodyshaming, flagrant use of homophobic slurs often used against queer men, etc.–are really not okay. But when they’re told “if someone said this about a woman, would you think it’s fine?” they just laugh and brush it off because... It’s men. What does it matter, right? It’s not that serious.

It’s like this undercurrent of the idea of “Men aren’t oppressed so there’s nothing bad about me being callous and cynical and cruel about them. They’ll live.” And not only does that demonstrate a severe, depressing lack of empathy, but it’s also untrue and not intersectional; queer men are oppressed, for example. Toxic masculinity is a problem and a struggle because while it’s not oppression, it’s a societal issue that does come with pressure. But this is the mindset these people seem to have, especially if their garbage content is about fictional men or male celebrities... because then the excuses are “he’s not real” or “he’s never gonna see this.” But they don’t realize that that doesn’t mean this sort of talk is suddenly okay and harmless if theoretically not seen by the people it’s specifically about; that this content can get normalized in this exact way, whether or not they realize it, because they can’t account for what the impressionable young people reading their posts are internalizing; and that it then also runs the risk of bleeding over into IRL spaces either at conventions with actors or just everyday interactions with other real men/queer people. 

And ultimately, regardless, seeing this casual cruelty in the name of edgy humor makes real people–and especially real men–reading the words slung around online uncomfortable. That alone should be enough. But people seem to think it’s their God-given right to call anything a shitpost and it’ll suddenly be harmless.

I’m not really sure why apathy and abrasiveness and cynicism seem to be what’s considered The Cool And Funny Thing To Do, but for some reason it is, because the people popularizing that are the kinds of people who get big audiences in fandom spaces now. And it’s only getting worse. Not to sound like a hippie but uhhhh kindness and empathy and respect should be cool, actually? And if you can’t be funny without being edgy and offensive then maybe you’re not that funny? Wild.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s from considering “homophobia” a funny joke word but I do think it’s about other phrases or mindsets along those lines being normalized as jokes.

[posi-pan]

Is it possible to get some reassurance about identifying as pan. I get so manny hate asks about it that it’s starting to make me think I should call myself bi just to get them off my back...

of course! i don’t know if the kind of reassurance you’re looking for is the nice words positivity kind, or the facts/history to debunk hate kind. but i’ll do both just to cover my bases.

identifying as pan does not harm anyone. the words people call themselves in good faith do not affect or threaten anyone else. someone being hurt by the problematic explanations other people give for pan is not on you or the pan identity, it’s solely on those individuals.

you are not responsible for anyone other than yourself, and if you’re just labeling your identity in a way that makes sense to you and feels right for you and it’s what you’re comfortable with, then you have nothing to worry about.

every queer group has queerphobes, not just the pan community, so anyone zeroing in on biphobes or transphobes in the pan community, while conveniently ignoring the same in other communities or the issues in their own community, because they want to generalize us and make us look disproportionately bad, is not operating in good faith.

pan is not biphobic or transphobic. like i said before, individuals are the issue, not the community the belong to or the label they use. the origins of pan are not biphobic or transphobic. before it sort of gained ground and started becoming an identity on its own in the ‘90s/’00s, pan simply existed within the bi community as an alternative mspec label; along with other labels such as polysexual and omnisexual.

this “feud” between pan and bi is entirely fabricated by people who want to divide the community. are there biphobic pans and panphobic bis? of course, they’ve bought into the idea that these two identities and communities are at war with each other and all the misinformation and lies that are spread to maintain that idea. but history tells a completely different story. and even now when you look most bi organizations and activists, the story there is not what this online “discourse” would have you believe.

i know it’s stressful and hurtful and at times scary, but it’s important to remember that the people who spread hatred and lies online in order to divide or homogenize the community, no matter how loud they might be or how many it seems there are, they are a small group that does not reflect the greater community.

this type of online “discourse” kicks up every so often with a new identity that people think will be an easy target because it’s less known or less visible or less understood or already less accepted. pan is just the latest one. and it’s also important to reminder yourself that nothing panphobes say about pan is true. literally nothing. everything they’ve claimed has been debunked.

so again. identifying as pan isn’t hurting anyone. pan itself isn’t hurting one. it’s a perfectly valid, valuable identity label. not only because we as individuals decide what labels we want to use and give them meaning based on our personal feelings and experiences, because that’s how identity labels work (they’re personal, not universal or prescriptive), but also because history and facts back this up.

if you’re interested, i have a resources page that has links to my reference tag, the pansexual timeline i made, the history of the bi community accepting alternative mspec labels i put together, some pan inclusive queer research and pan statistics. i also have a faq page that debunks a lot of the things panphobes say and includes links to further read up on the topics.

i hope this helps, and i hope you stick to the label that you actually want to use and feel comfortable with and represented by, because everyone has that right and we shouldn’t be bullied or shamed or scared out of that. 💜💜

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[zunnyzee]

This pride, I've been thingking about a few things that, well, are kind of fucked up.

Like, we as a community were so ready to label ourselves we've got hundreds of identities, and it kind of makes the community harder to navigate for those who are questioning imo (in my opinion). There's even a flag for questioning, like, we're all queer, but we've sectioned ourselves off in such a way it makes me feel uneasy. Our labels are so specific, and I feel like it has impacted those who are clearly part of the community, but question it because they need to feel like the label is just right. Then again, I understand the joy of finding the right way to express yourself through your label, it's something we all share as people, but look at what enviornment it's created at the same time. Bisexuals saying pans are inheritably biphobic, pan folk saying to be bi is to be enby, or trans, phobic, you've got people saying that men can't call themselves lesbians and people saying that you can't be both bi and gay, and then you hear how bi people fight to not be seen as 'basically gay or straight' but actually bi' and then you see all the transmascs that still have a sort of connection to their agab, and we've brewed so much hate within ourselves and we're excluding ourselves and we're invalidating ourselves. We are a diverse community, and with that comes many different beliefs about the way our community actually is. I can see how someone can be insulted about how someone else interprets gender and sexuality, I can. We have people in the community who's identity means everything to them because finding out that they were queer changed their life for the better and they felt like a real person for the first time and their eyes were opened and they were free, and then other people use those same labels as if it were a choice, an aesthetic, and it can come off as almost disrespectful in a way. It'd be like if someone were cis amab and they just go 'you know, I feel so much like a boy that I'm going to id as a transman, going from man to even more of a man because I feel so comfortable in my agab and it feels right' like you could see how a trans-trans man (afab) would feel invalidated, right? There's the whole thing about diversity and not everyone is going to be the same, but we made labels mean something, we took the slurs that the cishet used for us and said that we would actually define ourselves, but a label means nothing because we don't really use it like a label anymore. People are getting away with thinking aces/aros aren't part of the community because we've made our labels exclusive somehow. We've got he/him lesbian controversy, which I am shocked to see from the one group that wasn't supposed to discriminate based on gender identity. We're no better than the cishets sometimes, being completely honest. Some gays think dating someone trans automatically makes you bi, gay, or straight, completely ignoring their identity. And to be fair, all these people are vastly small compared to the overall supporting group, but they add up, they really do. Don't even get me started on sexist queers. We made our own definitions, then we made them so specific that we can't even support some of our peers cuz we don't know what the fuck their flag means. And don't say we support everyone, it doesn't matter because you know people are always inventing ways to ruin this shit, like pedos/maps beastiality, and fucking cops (copgender exists). We're not even ready to talk about Mogai, I swear to you we are not the all accepting group you think we should be, and we don't have to be. As a community, we don't agree on what it means to be in the community, some of us don't accept queer as a label despite its current popularity, we are kind of fucked up and we have to admit that. I think that we are creating way more labels than we need, and we are separating ourselves and we are hurting each other. Some people think 'if you identify as y you have to be z' and that gets some people so mad, but at the same time, think about it, without some unity within smaller communities, what does their label even mean? We are not respecting each others

spaces, and I think it's because we over label. But what can we do now? Take those labels away? Tell them they can't id as queer because they're doing it wrong? We don't have the guts, or the general understanding of definitions to do that. We're just supposed to be 100 percent accepting of everyone, and it just makes me feel weird to think about this because I get that some people have a weird relationship with their queerness, but we also act as if we need to constantly define it. And then we go and define it, and then people redefine it like 4 times over because it's not good enough, which is, there is supposed to be some diversity in every group, every label, for anything involving people, but too much and too little are problems in their own right. Micro micro micro labels make people divided and feel like they are different from the others when they could have been a more united group, and not enough micro labels means that people feel like they are conforming to one group and don't feel the unity because of the overwhelming differences. I don't think we're balanced is all I'm really trying to say out of this, I don't like our community as is, it's confusing, it's harmful, and it's divided, and I don't have a solution, which makes me even sadder. A lot of our issues within the community is thinking we're different from each other, from my experience. I've been nb since I was probably at least 6, and I came out as bi only 4 years ago, I'm only 18 but I've been here a little while, I've gone through many phases and stages, and some things were just so unnecessary. Too many times I doubted myself because I saw someone else expressing my identity in a way I couldn't relate to at all, made myself question if I was just cis and faking, and it really could have been avoided, I could have had more confidence if my community just had my back. But it doesn't. And so I have to be queer on my own, I have to keep myself to myself because I can't exist in my own community without my identity being questioned by others. We are not the all accepting group we want to be, but we could be if we agreed on literally anything. But we can't cuz we're too busy accepting every idea of queerness, regardless of anything. Anyways, this is just what I was thingking, I probably didn't word everything exactly as I worded it but I just had to get it out my mind and I'm too lazy too proofread, and plus proofreading might cause me to sugarcoat this even further so. This is my stop, I guess.

[mr-kamiyama]

A Word for Zoomers Who're Told They're "Making Up" Genders and Orientations.

I'm an Xer.

Well, actually I'm in that b.1977-85 throe where no two people can agree what I am. I'm Post Dankai Junior in the old country, but I was too old to be a kid for Pokémon, Harry Potter, I caught Digimon 02 during its premiere US run a rare Saturday the firm I worked at, that normally had Saturday hours, was closed. I met Windows Millennium Edition because a housemate, as back then, I'd realised I wanted to live with company, wanted to upgrade our computer to the newest version of Windows (and I promptly made AMVs using GIFs and lost them to the sands of time all before YouTube even existed) So that gives you an idea of my age.

I came out for the first time in high school. I came out as bi.

In Japan, transness, like here had different words we no longer use, but unlike here, wasn't a secret.

If I'd stayed in Japan just one more year, in '95 politician Kamikawa Aya began advocating on NHK for trans rights.

Maybe I'd've learned that transition *to* male and actual medical treatment like HRT to make that possible existed a whole lot sooner.

But I didn't. And so, I didn't realise it was actually something I could *do* and I wasn't doomed to be stuck until about 2010.

I claimed "bi" in the '90s, and mistook "you're a really cool person and really nice to me when few people are and so I really like you in a platonic sense" +aesthetic attraction for crushes of a romantic and sexual nature.

The SAM model was developed by bi people in the '70s, but where and when I was, there weren't exactly highly visible LGBT centres where I could learn this. So I thought any orientation had to be "x-sexual"

And I only knew about straight, gay/lesbian, and bi.

Which, the term "laaaaaaaabelllls" was coined by biphobic people my age. See, we weren't like people today, who literally can't live because of unfettered crony capitalism. You could get a nice studio on the nice side of town for eight days' work at minimum wage (of course, being POC, you had to find the right realtor), which back then was under four dollars an hour. You could get a 2br/1.5ba rowhouse for about two weeks' worth, which is half a month, but these days, that much work will get you a barely-studio in shoot-you-in-the-face-in-broad-daylight territory.

But we were still plenty suspicious of marketing. So queerphobic Xers went "don't make me acknowledge your filthy non-mono sexuality! What if I told you naming what you are is dehumanising, like labelling a jar of mayo, and you're the product!"

Which is no different that queerphobic Millennials claiming "Queer is a slur uwu call it gay because cisgay and cishet are the only valid IDs uwu Gay has never ever been used as a pejorative uwu"

Which is also bunk because back in the '90s, if one young man did ANYTHING another didn't like, the other one could call it and him "gaaayyy" and that would be a homophobic attack via toxic masculinity on the first young man. Heck, I don't listen to much grunge, though I did at the time, but it's used this way in some Nirvana song. I just can't remember which one.

Anyway, so I claimed bi and spent the next 23 or so years fighting for it even against physical violence to make me claim something in the false straight/gay binary

All along, I thought "the mushy stuff squicks me because I'm a guy (insert ways I justified things before I realised that yes, I actually am male for prior to 2010)" which, yeah, I'm still sorting through the myriad manifestations of toxic masculinity and learning to spot them. What that actually is is romance repulsion.

I'm actually aroace.

To go further, I actually have very strong platonic affection feelings, and "idemromantic" is not necessarily my actual identity, but that, and at least some idea, if even wrong, that the other party was interested, was how I sorted whether I should approach the other person as "friend" or "potential partner" subconsciously.

Plus to further complicate things, I'm sex-favourable ace/cupiosexual, which meant that just hearing limited definitions of things like sex repulsion in aces didn't clue me in. It wasn't until discussing what sexual attraction was with a newly-realised gay first wave Xer last year that I realised I had no idea what that was and had never felt it, and was therefore asexual. Which after the discussion with that guy, I dove into readings by you all on Tumbler first.

And I only realised I'm aromantic last month, though I've been questioning for actually a year this month.

Now, I'd say my aesthetic attraction is definitely bi, and yes, I accept the redefinition made with the info we have now of two or more genders including your own" which *I read* as "but not necessarily all genders, and perceived gender is a factor" whereas pan seems to me like "perceived gender is not a factor in attraction" ??

Now, I still actually don't have an idea about my potential aesthetic feelings towards people who present NB. The men and women I feel it towards tend to have this or that decidedly masculine or feminine traits, and I may never, because people my age are less likely to come out.

Whether orientation or gender, people my age are products of a very binary 20th century. We were really all sorts of shape pegs, but many of us were and still are dodecahedrons and whatnot with choices of only square, circle, and mayyybe triangle holes.

Naturally, the dodecahedrons and the hexagons all tried to jam themselves in circle and square holes, whichever ones it looked like we could maybe wedge into.

This means plenty of us are going around thinking things like "I guess I don't like sex because I'm a woman" or "I guess I don't like the mushy stuff because I'm a man" or "I don't feel female so I guess I'm a man because I'm AMAB and that's all I got" etc.

Those most likely to come out are those with very strong NB/aro/ace feelings WHO BECOME INFORMED. And some may still not, or those with feelings they can't sort, because they've lived so long the previous way, they may at least feel they have too much to lose.

There's also people like me that need a lot of info to realise they were misreading their own feelings due to decades of amatonormative/heteronormative/binarist/toxic masculine brainwashing.

(I still don't like the term "toxic masculine" because I really want a term where we have more room to redefine "masculine" as decidedly masculine but wholly without the toxic stuff that's so married to "manliness," room to reject that stuff and revision manliness, but whatever)

THE REASON OLDER GENERATIONS DON'T HAVE THIS STUFF IS NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE INVENTING IT. IT IS BECAUSE OUR TIME DIDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE IT.

Yes, I think it's funny imaging how lost you'd be trying to use an 8-track player, or a library card catalogue actually made of index cards.

And had I not miscarried in December 2003 and had a sixteen year old, I'd have had them set up the internet TV device I got instead of three hours barely restraining myself from breaking it into pieces just like I was the only one who was able to figure out how to set the VCR clock and VCR+ timers when we got one when I was young. Which my difficulty with this stuff is more like a Boomer than an Xer. Most of my peers are pretty savvy. Sometimes my friends can tele-help me.

And I think new music,which I define as post-Y2K, stinks.

So I'm not hip and new. Plenty about me is just like your parents.

But no, you aren't making this up. And you're informing a lot of us. You're waking us up to how truly diverse humanity is. You're waking some of us up to who we really are.

And as for those of you who have crummy and even Karen parents, two things:

A. The Latino kids took me and the other Asian in in high school. There aren't many Asians in FL. (The "Another Chinese Family" bit on Fresh Off The Boat is so real) There are definitely some crummy Xers out there, and that's been true all along. There was even a right-wing youth org called "young republicans." There were Regean-loving racist queerphobes all along. They made my life miserable in high school, too.

B. There are also others like me that believe in you. That actually need you. You're bringing *back* a diversity that was smothered by colonial Europe. Historical precedent is actually on your side.

Thank you. I mean it. You're doing good, you're legit, and there are a lot of us who believe in you, too.

[glitch200279]

[Before you come at me, I am a bi trans guy]

Idk what exclus needs to hear this but:

-Being a dick to people you don't think belong in the community don't make them suddenly go "omg, you're right!" [This DOES include the "pannie flops" accounts where you basically post pancringe]

-Pan, omni, & poly actually AREN'T biphobic or transphobic & they can coexist with bisexuality! Yes yes, I DID read the bisexual manifesto AND I know how important bi people are to all LGBTQ history! But I still have this opinion so sit down.

-To me, they go like this [and someone can correct me, especially with poly & omni]: Bi is more than one->All genders, pan is inherently all, poly is more than one but never all, omni is inherently all but gender still may be a bigger factor [may have messed up on omnis definition & maybe polys too, but you get the point]

A lot of people [idk if you would consider them inclus or exclus] consider pan, omni, & poly, to be real valid & important, but on a Bi+ spectrum AKA, they're under the bi-umbrella [the umbrella being liking more than one gender]. Like the Nonbinary umbrella for example. The nonbinary umbrella holds all genders that aren't binary, for example agender, demi-boy, demi-girl, ect. But nonbinary is ALSO a label in itself.

So, why don't these people who are "closer" to identifying as binary just identify as a binary gender? Like demi-boys just identify as... Boys. And agender people just say they're nonbinary?

Because that small distinction in definition to THEM is important to explain THEIR relationship with their gender identity, same with pan, omni, & poly. Maybe you're just like "But it's literally just bi with extra steps..." But to them, that smallest definition in meaning is important to them in explaining how they feel & their relationship with their sexuality, and that's honestly none of your business.

-The whole "Pannies DNI" or making fun of micro labels/filling their positivity tags with hate honestly makes the bi community feel unsafe & the whole "exploring your sexuality" not safe either. Before I realized I was bi, I tried to find a Tumblr account where I could ask questions [because I was honestly highkey in denial][I thought I was gay btw this isn't a "former pan here"] and while it wasn't the whole account, there was still so much pan hate on one of the first accounts I found. It didn't feel like a good idea to follow, because what kinda disgusting person just fills positivity tags with negativity & hate? Plus I knew if I said I was questioning I would probably get the whole "You like boys? Like girls? Bi." And it just gave me a horrible IMPRESSION of the bi community [I found lots of cool people & accounts after that thankfully] & that's not what you should want when you're telling people that micro labels hurt you & How important you are to the community...

-You aren't fucking entitled to know why someone identifies the way they do sit down. "Uh if I feel like they're hurting my community-" no, sit down. You can say "Hey, I'm curious as to why" but if you go in with an entitled attitude like "I deserve to know this info" AND "I deserve to know it because you're hurting MY community imo so... Info now :)" like fuck right off.

-Allies deadass don't care that much. "Oh people who don't feel sexual attraction are in that community? Fire. People who don't feel romantic attraction too? Lit! Oh there's Mutiple things for liking more than one gender identity? I'm confused but sounds cool!" Like real allies don't fucking care as much as you're acting, and when "inclus" say you care more about cishets liking you rather than protecting those in your community, we [at least when I say it] mean you care more about the approval of people that won't like you even if Jesus came back and said "I LOVE ALL THE QUEERS!" The people who would spit in his face & call him a false idol for saying that. Of course cishet supporters are important, but it should be all or nothing, not "LG/B/T[maybe nonbinary, but not those weird xenogenders & neopronouns, or those weird ones like "demi boy"]" and you're going with the second one when you choose to fight with your own community over who belongs, what doesn't, what is basically what, etc. Etc. You can have those opinions yes! But you aren't "protecting" the community at all.

-Aces & Aros are inherently in the community, just because you or your ace friend don't think they are, doesn't make it fact. And including them doesn't mean straight people will try & pretend to be in the community? Like they could just say they're bi, pan, poly, omni, or even just say they're trans but very post op. Like first of all there are easier ways to pretend to be in the community, so idk why you're going after aces & aros like they're the cause. Plus how many cishets do you know that know about Asexuality & Aromanticism, but aren't either themselves? Also including them doesn't make less room for everyone else.

-Some of y'all are really quick to be alloallo [not ace & I think that's not aro either] & say something aphobic/arophobic but say you aren't/weren't. Like so you, someone who is neither, knows more than someone who is? Also not some of y'all getting offended at being called allo & mocking it😷

This was really messy & confusing probably, sorry for any grammar & spelling mistakes [and if I got any definitions wrong], but yeah I hope you still got the point.

Basically if you're exclus, have your opinions, I can't change them. But when you're to the point to running accounts mocking those identities [and using real examples], filling their tags with hate & gross shit, and/or you're constantly making fun of them, you are no longer in the right morally, even if you're factually right. Like no one wants to side with an asshole [but I have looked at all your points & I think they're still dumb without you being a dick, but you won't convince anyone who might be a little open like that]

[writcraft]

Hey! So I’m really interested in your take on bi people in th lgbt community and the bi erasure that exists especially at pride events. How does that impact the community and it’s feeling of being part of the wider community. Also if you have any advice for the LG for how to be better allies

Anon, this topic makes me feel so much and thank you for asking. Particularly the part about how LG people can be better allies, I actually nearly cried when I read your ask because this is, as you likely know because you’re sending me this ask, a topic that is very, very close to my heart. 

I’m going to put this beneath a cut. It got long.

ask me stuff, tell me stuff - whatever goes!

Even before I knew the term ‘bierasure’ I was scared of going into queer spaces. I remember the first night I went to a gay bar, heart pounding. My first thought was that the bouncers might not let me in because I wasn’t ‘gay enough.’ It wasn’t like I was with a big group, I was actually by myself. Yep, the first time I went to a gay bar, I was alone. I had long come to understand I was bisexual but there would be many different moments of going back into the closet, coming out with a battle cry, and going right back into the closet again, and it took me a lot longer to start finding spaces to go than it did to work the rest of it out. I didn’t know what I was doing that night, only that I was craving something. A community. A sense of solidarity. The hope that I might have a drink and an awkward chat with someone who actually understood. Maybe I wanted to hook up too, I have no idea. I just wanted to go into the damn bar, have a drink and maybe chat with someone who wouldn’t make it all seem so frightening.

That night I went into the bar with very little confidence, but since then my confidence in who I am, my sexuality (I’m still working on gender stuff) has grown enormously, and I’ve found sanctuary in queer space and at LGBTQ+ events. Even those places though, sometimes make me feel at odds with others in LGBTQ+ communities. I’ve had some bad experiences at Pride events for example, the more openly ‘bisexual’ I’ve become. Pride events have been in many ways brilliant, transformative, glorious days, but I can tell you that as much as being within those spaces has made my heart sing, I have also encountered biphobia. There was the dude who told me I wasn’t bi, just bored. The lesbian who refused to believe I was queer and decided I was straight. The friend - my friend - I went to Pride with who introduced me as a lesbian because oh darling it’s so much easier and the person who thought I must just be confused. These are multiple instances at multiple different events and to be very clear - because I often see posts saying ‘don’t assume a man and a woman at Pride are straight or not trans etc. - all of these instances happened when I was pretty much, by myself. I attend most Prides without a partner. I go with friends, who I am very clearly not hooking up with. These comments came about simply as a result of me saying I am bisexual. 

How does that impact my sense of community? It impacts it a huge amount. It makes me feel like if I’m having a random conversation with someone in a gay bar I have no desire to hook up with, I should just use the label that nobody quibbles. It makes me feel talking to straight friends I should just use the label that nobody quibbles. In both instances it shoves me back into a closet that hurts, and it’s not somewhere I want to be.

I’m using Pride and nights out as part of my personal experience, but one defining moment that made me understand how much biphobia really permeates was when I went to a training session run by actual Stonewall (the biggest and most prominent UK LGBT charity) on bisexuality and the bisexual person running the event had just got married to someone of the opposite sex. He said, I know I’m speaking to a group of bisexual people, but part of me worried you wouldn’t think of me as queer enough to host this session. THE ACTUAL HOST OF A BISEXUAL TRAINING SESSION TO BISEXUAL PEOPLE. That is what biphobia does. It leaves us in the cracks, in the margins. It makes us feel like we’re not enough even when we couldn’t be surrounded by a more welcoming audience. It makes us feel isolated, lost, alone and like the rainbow flag that gets raised with such vigour isn’t really for us. It’s why bisexual people are statistically more likely to experience mental health issues than their LG counterparts. Bisexual people are not straight and they experience an enormous amount of marginalisation, higher chances of domestic violence, higher chance of being below the poverty line and so on. 

THIS GOT LONG I’M SORRY. In terms of how LG people can be better allies I’m so fucking tired I would literally say believe bisexuals exist and call out biphobia in your communities when you see it. That’s the best thing you can do. Also to people who find it ‘easier’ to lay your chips down as gay or straight in casual conversation if you’re safe to do so don’t. Be bisexual. Let us exist. Only of course if it’s something you can do, but I have honestly so many friends who have told me they are bisexual but it’s ‘easier’ to say they are gay and they’re in a happy same-sex partnership, it makes my heart hurt. Please be brave, if it’s not going to put you in danger. If you’re pan or queer or attracted to people of different genders please don’t perpetuate the biphobic ‘bisexuals are transphobic’ myth. Bi, literally, means two, but its origins are from the same place as homo and hetero sexuality. Bisexuality has nothing to do with gender it’s the inbetween of a homo/hetero sexuality binary. There are many, many bisexuals, myself included who experience attraction to all genders, all sexes, all people. Do not make bisexuality a binary male/female issue, it is not, it never has been.

FINALLY as to how LG people can be better allies apart from the whole ‘bi people exist’ thing, there’s an important conversation happening that does impact bisexual people at big events like Pride which relates to the appropriation of queer space. The two, unfortunately, intersect. Queerness has become more mainstream and as a result there are a lot of people occupying queer space these days (the dreaded hen do in a gay bar) and that contributes to the issues people have when they see people who seem ‘straight’ in queer space. There is a history of non-queer people infiltrating places that are supposed to offer refuge and I get all of the concerns around wanting to feel comfortable in the places you’ve fought so hard to build and protect. Just remember we’ve fought for those places too. Us bisexuals. Please don’t make assumptions about peoples rights to access a particular place, they could be bisexual, they could be trans, you don’t know why they are there, or what those places might mean to them.

I just. I don’t know. If a person in a plaid shirt who cares so passionately about queer stuff comes up to you (me, it is me) be an ally by saying, hi. Nice to meet you. You’re bisexual? Cool, I believe you. Let’s get a beer.

[5hfanfiction]

a reason to smile in the morning

check out my wattpad @ longer_hours if you wanna se more of my works ! wrote this in like half an hour also and didn’t proofread so have fun ! 

Camila thinks college is just the best. 

So she misses her mom and everything about Sinu’s presence. And she misses her dads bad jokes because let’s face it, hers aren’t any better. And don’t even get her started on how much she misses Sofi and her dogs. 

Sure, she gets homesick. But like, she’s only two wish hours away from home. There’s a train on campus that can take her right home. She doesn’t see an issue. 

So college is pretty great. 

She hasn’t really made a group of friends yet, but she’s never been the type of person to need social interaction. And going to a big school is really nice because she can stay in on the weekends and not have to worry about being that girl that stays in on the weekends. 

She went random and ended up with a great roommate, Dinah, who gives her just the right amount of talking to not have to worry about losing all social skills. 

And the freedom. That’s her favorite part. There’s like, an hour or two of classes every day and then literally nothing else. It’s amazing. She went from a six hour school day, a seven hour work day, three hours of homework, and maybe some sleep, to two hours of class and then 22 hours of free time. She likes it. 

(And she could go on about the food, so she won’t start because this isn’t about that).

(But they have the best cheesy bread in the dining halls omg).

She might’ve been premature saying that the freedom is her favorite part. Camila has always had a tight schedule that she followed, so her favorite part is probably getting to find one here. It’s easier to follow a schedule when you have so much time to fill too, because naps can be a part of it and everything is just so happy. 

So, she does basically the same every day. 

Wake up. Sleep for a few more minutes. Wake up again. Hit snooze again. Finally actually wake up cause Dinah groans in her sleep meaning the beast a second away from killing Camila. 

Throw on some sweats, because like she’d try to look nice, but it’s an 8 am so why bother?

Throw on some socks. Throw on some shoes. Go brush her teeth next to the pretty girl doing her make up in the bathroom. Go back to find a suitable shirt. End up picking a big sweatshirt.

And then class and then nap time. 

And it’s nice for a while, following a schedule that allows for so much downtime, but her schedule is the same every day and it doesn’t take long for things to get a little boring. Usually she’d attempt to make more friends but she has some and she doesn’t want to lose the grip she has on them, so Camila does the next best thing to kill time. 

She makes a tinder. 

Now, Camila has had a tinder before. She’s had many tinders before actually. She has a habit of making one with the goal to hoe it up, then deleting it after like an hour cause she’s bored of boys. 

This time though, Camila sets it to girls, cause why not? She’s always been openly bisexual, but boys are so much easier. 

She prefers girls but she can’t remember ever not being a nervous wreck around them. 

Her first girlfriend was a few years ago. They met at a pride parade and Camila thought she was just the most beautiful thing to exist. A friend gave her an in and Camila somehow got through the nerves and made a move with some shitty pick up line. Although her dorkiness worked, she remembers very vividly having such extreme anxiety that she actually almost called an ambulance cause of chest pains. That girl turned out to be a bit of a biphobic lesbian, and a bit of a psychopath, so that didn’t really help with her nerves.

Her second girlfriend was equally, if not more so nerve-racking. Camila still can’t really place why she’s always the one making the moves if she gets so nervous doing things, but she also knows most girls never do shit and end up flirting for months until an outside source needs to come in. 

Her third girlfriend doesn’t exist yet. So tinder might be what she needs to meet someone now that she’s an adult at college and ready for an adult relationship. 

She ends up deleting the account three hours later. Not really because she’s bored just because she can’t really imagine ever having a chance with any of the girls she matched with. 

Dinah yells at her because if they matched then they’re interested why would Camila not accept that, but Camila is just like, super insecure. Like what if it was an accident? 

She had only had the balls to message one girl but she probably hadn’t noticed since the account didn’t exist very long. She never really messages people first but something about this girl was calling out. Camila felt like she had to do something or she’d regret it. 

Messaging “hey” probably wasn’t the most attention grabbing action though. She got a reply, just “hey back :)” and like, that’s kind of why she deleted it. This girl was like, not just pretty but pretty pretty. And she looked a little familiar? Camila couldn’t help but feel like the thing was a joke somehow. 

So she decides to forget about the pretty girl with the dragon fly tattoo. 

Dinah still gives her enough shit to force her to go out that weekend. It’s a Friday afternoon when she finds out Camila deleted it so later that night she finds herself at a sleezy frat party. 

The going out lifestyle really isn’t for her though, and she realizes after the third drink spilled on her. 

She stays out til 3 am with Dinah and her friend Normani, and although she didn’t like the party scene, she is glad she spent more time with Dinahs friend, she’s intimidatingly pretty but her and Camila really got along once she started talking more. 

She’s going a little girl crazy by the time she finally falls asleep. 

She spends the weekend telling herself to focus on school. Focus on actually going to the gym and on eating healthy since there are so many options now. She tells herself it’s fine to go over a few months without kissing a girl (is it really?) and she tells herself to just not think about girls. 

And by the time someday night hits it has worked out in her head. 

Now here’s the twist. 

It comes Monday morning. 

Camila follows the same routine every day. And when you follow the same routine every day, you’re going to end up seeing the same people every day when you do your things that happen to overlap. 

She wakes up. Doesn’t really wake up. Feels Dinah’s threat. Force herself to throw on some socks, some shoes, some pants. and then she goes to the bathroom. And then she brushes her teeth next to the pretty girl who’s doing her makeup. 

So she’s seen this girl every day for months now, leaning into the sink putting on eyeliner and she’s had a couple of thoughts passing. Not a lot, because it’s an ungodly hour. One, being that the girl wakes up too early. Two being, hey ! we must have the same scheduled classes! 

But now, the only though in her head is that she can’t for the life of her find a reason as to how !!! she missed !!! the dragon fly tattoo on the back of there neck !!

She literally can’t hold in her gasp when she makes the connection. It takes her a second and she figures she must look like that calculating meme thing but she literally gasps and turns as quick as she can to face her own mirror. 

It’s a small bathroom, but the girl is three sinks away, but any hope that she didn’t hear the gasp is immediately gone when she turns got glance at Camila, just for a second, then turn back. 

She brushes her teeth, probably unhygienically fast, then books it back to her room and gets to class ten minutes early. 

She can’t believe this. 

She’s been brushing her teeth next to tinder dragon fly girl for months! She hasn’t noticed how perfect bathroom girl is for months! Tinder dragon fly girl and bathroom girl are the same people! Jesus Christ! 

-

So now she can’t get this girl off of her mind. 

She tries to, she really really tries not to think about her because it feels creepy, but she can’t help it. 

She sees her in the bathroom, and nowhere else. Every single day she sees her in the bathroom. 

Are you allowed to pull moves on people in the bathroom? Camila feels like it’s weird to pull moves on someone in the bathroom. 

Fuck. Camila is childish too. So it takes everything in her not to start laughing whenever she goes into the bathroom just because of how awkward she feels. 

She also wonders if she girl even knows what’s going on in her head. Maybe the same is going on in hers?

She hates that she didn’t see it coming. After thinking about it, it’s probably because she never actually got a good look at the bathroom girl. She had piercings and black hair and she was SO intimidating! How was she supposed to risk a glance at her? 

She thinks the girl probably recognized that it was Camila though. She always glances over when the door opens, or at least Camila has seen her from her peripheral vision. 

It’s kind of embarrassing. Cause like, she probably only swiped right because she knew her. Camila thinks that’s a thing? Don’t people just swipe right on people they know sometimes? Just to see if they’re interested?

“Yeah, sometimes,” Dinah agrees with a scoff, “but that’s like, with friends. That’s like a joke. You guys don’t know each other. You just see each other every day." 

Camila kind of regrets telling Dinah. 

"And wait hold up, how come y'all never said anything to each other before? I talk to everyone in the bathrooms, maybe I know who she is?”

“Because Dinah! She’s intimidating! She’s so cool looking I couldn’t-” Camila argues, lowering her voice though because she still has no idea where this girl lives on her floor and she knows how not soundproof the walls are. “I couldn’t risk looking stupid. You know how awkward I get.”

“Hmm,” Dinah agrees, leaning on her desk in thought, “I’ll keep an eye out, but if you can find her, outside of the bathroom of course, I think you should make a move." 

"Oh yeah, you know me. That’s totally something I’m capable of,” Camila sighs, making Dinah laugh. 

She thinks maybe she could make a move if she figured out who this girl was, or where she was, or how to talk to anyone. But also she can not, because she’s only ever seen this girl in the bathroom (i.e. why she’s called bathroom girl up until now). 

So much for her “adult relationship”. Longing after a girl she literally sees for two minutes a day. 

She brushes her teeth as quickly as she can for a while and then goes back to the bathroom once the girl is gone to do the rest of her morning routine. Just because Camila knows staying in an awkward place isn’t a good idea, and the longer she spends next to the pretty girl, the higher the chances of her fucking up are. 

Camila always gives herself shit for not remembering what it was from her profile. Like why did she not remember her as her name instead of “tinder dragon fly girl”. 

She’s tried walking around and looking at doors cause some of them still have tags from the first weeks, but most people have taken heirs down for other decorations by now. 

At every floor meeting she sees her, and at every floor meeting she tries her best to be funny but not too obnoxious (one time the girl laughed at her joke, she didn’t see it but she did hear it and she swears an angel got it’s wings). 

She finally finds out what room she’s in when she sees her leaving one morning, and the eye contact literally almost kills her. (It doesn’t kill her but it does stunt her long enough for the girl to get away before she can try to catch up and strike conversation). Unfortunately, her door holds no name tag, but on the bright side now she can make up as many excuses to walk by the door as possible. 

Camila is a bit of a mess over it for a while, but then she gets busy, she gets sick, she gets stressed, and then. the semesters over and she still hasn’t done shit. 

She works over break, tries to not think about girls, or one girl. Doesn’t do a lot. Doesn’t think about school too much either.

-

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Camila says under her breath incredulously as she enters the bathroom for her 8 am months later only to be greeted by the tinder-bathroom-dragon tattoo girl. 

What are the odds, that once again, the only person that has to be up at this hour is the only person she can’t really stop thinking about. 

(She has stoped thinking about her, really because she felt a little creepy at a certain point she forced herself to stop. But she just knows this is about to throw her into a downward spiral. 

She tells Dinah about it, seeking advice but only receiving laughter, uncontrollable laughter. So she turns to her older, wiser friend Ally, and Ally is convinced making a move in the bathroom wouldn’t be weird at this point. 

And also agrees with Dinah that Camila is a huge pussy if she doesn’t do anything at this point. 

(Camila still doesn’t get why it’s up to her but whatever. 

They have a floor meeting to introduce new people on the floor, that’s when she finally gets it. 

She’s leaning in, Dinah’s leaning in, and Lauren is her name. 

“I’m Lauren, I use she/her pronouns,” she says, picking at a loose thread on her jeans and Camila doesn’t mean to react noticeably but Lauren’s voice is so beautiful and her face is so beautiful and Camila thinks that making her smile would be so beautiful and she almost tries to talk to her but Lauren dips from the meeting as soon as she gets the chance. 

So now Camila is like, hooked. 

Once again, she has every morning with Lauren in the bathroom. Which anyone who lives in dorms knows, the odds that you’re going to see someone that many days both semesters is not likely! Camila is convinced it’s a sign for her to get her shit together and do something. 

And she’s trying to! She goes to fill her water up like five times a day now that she knows Lauren’s room is next to the bubbler. And she goes to the laundry room to “check for empty machines just sos he can walk by more. And she sits in the lounge for hours just in case Lauren decides to be the bold one. 

But nothing works!

Sometimes she sees her in the line at dunkin’, but that’s almost as bad as the bathroom considering the size of the line she’d have to wait in. 

Something in her changes at this point though and she decides to be less stressed and more appreciative. This girl is so pretty, and intimidating but honestly seems really nice if Camila ever grew a pair. And Camila has decided the butterflies in her stomach are nicer than not having anyone to feel this way about. So instead of stressing, she takes a minute to adjust and then decides she wants this girl in her life more. She thinks she’d make things really happy. 

Plus she thinks it’d be a really cute story for when people ask how they meet. 

She learns in psych about how associating certain things with certain things can make certain things more or less appealing, so Camila stops wondering why waking up is becoming easier.

She makes plans in her head, she thinks of any other possible ways to go about this, but somehow her mind is made up for her one random morning. 

She wakes up, goes back to sleep, wakes up, actually gets up, 

She never really let herself look at Lauren, mainly because she was afraid of what that eye contact would do to her. But for some reason today she risks a look. 

And she’s so so so so flawless, so beautiful, so gorgeous that it doesn’t take more than second for Camila’s plans to fly right out of her head and the words to fly right out of her mouth. 

"Um, I’m sorry this might be weird…” Camila starts, and the girl turns, wide eyed at the fact that Camila is actually talking to her, “I just, I try to make it a rule not to make a move on someone in the bathroom, but would you ever wanna do something other than brush our teeth together?" 

And Camila was wayyyy right, tinder girl, bathroom girl, Lauren’s smile is so so so much more beautiful than her mascara face. 

[simonjadis]

My minds been on representation in fiction with Pride Month as well as your previous anon answers on writing. Specifically, how said representation falls into either the category of “No Big Deal” or “Very Big Deal.”

This is so good, Anon! I’m sorry that I couldn’t reply right away. Work/social/sleep keeps my Wednesdays (and most of my Thursdays) very busy, but I have been hyped to answer this

You’re absolutely right that there’s a fine line between “No Big Deal’ and erasure ...

I’m a big fan of No Big Deal worldbuilding in science fiction and in fantasy. I’m obviously a huge fan of the genres and the idea of, for example, either gay people not being wizards or of people on spaceships not being homophobic is absurd. I’m queer, so many of my friends are queer, and seeing an adventuring party of six whole people who aren’t isn’t just annoying -- it doesn’t even look realistic to me (let alone interesting or offering representation)

I don’t just mean that I like No Big Deal representation because fiction is an escape, though that’s certainly true. I think that a lot of people don’t want to face the same bigotry in books that they see in real life. others do and want to identify with that specific struggle

sometimes, they’d prefer a symbolic struggle that’s ever-so-slightly removed from what they’re dealing with

but if a fantasy setting is bigoted about queer folks, is it necessarily in the same way as our world’s bigotry? if that what the storyteller is doing, I really want them to make us understand why it’s like that, if they absolutely must

(you know how a lot of black actors win awards for movies that tend to be about slavery/segregation/etc and would like to win awards for something else by being seen as something else? there are similar elements to most stories of wanting to see positive on-screen representation)

tbh, seeing bigotry in space makes it feel like it’s inescapable in real life. seeing bigotry in epic fantasy makes it feel like the author believes that homophobia or transphobia is natural or universal or inevitable. even our own world’s history shows us that it’s not

but as you point out, “No Big Deal” can turn into “Literally Let’s Not Mention It” all too easily, especially when someone wants to avoid the topic, or wants to avoid specific topics (for example, a story that may fetishize wlw but conveniently ignores gay men, which is not one but two bad things; the recent bus assault in the UK painfully illustrates how fetishization is extremely different from acceptance)

I also think that “no big deal” gets used in adaptations. let’s say that a vampire is written as explicitly bisexual but only happens to mention past lovers who were women, and a showrunner says “oh, he didn’t even think to mention the men, it��s all the same to him, we didn’t want to go out of the way to mention a male lover in this scene because it’s Not A Big Deal.” The storytellers may treat it as no big deal, but they’re just weaponizing that language to explain the show’s biphobia (or fear of a biphobic audience, or covering for the network’s biphobia)

Continued in Part 2

[kinkymagnus]

Hey this is the anon about book malec! Basically your views on book malec are pretty much the same as mine at least for the mortal instruments series. Idk I personally only really started to like book alec in city of Heavenly fire. Since you barely got through tmi I am assuming you haven't read tda. Basically they are healthier and they have both accepted and even joke about immortality and talk about their pasts. But yeah I also think book Alec was douchey in tmi so I get where your coming from

under the cut again lol sorry

once again this is. probably not explained well. but. i’ll try.

well i read all of the original tmi but that’s it, and honestly, i never started liking book alec. i can’t stand him. i think the only book character i liked less than him (of the ones we were supposed to like, i mean) was book jace, but i’m not a huge fan of either version of jace, so… although i honestly the only one i even sort of liked was magnus and even he was… not great sometimes.

plus, in later books, alec completely did a 180 and became sort of a stereotypical “sassy gay friend”? it was another sort of “oh great, yet another lowkey homophobic thing from the straight woman author who’s done Literally Nothing Right” you know? plus like…. there was a lot of things with malec where like, alec would say something that obviously hurt magnus’s feelings, or magnus actually reacted to, and then it was… brushed off? alec never apologized and it’s not talked about again? that’s not how you build a healthy relationship, and you cna’t really have a healthy relationship until you fucking communicate. trying to build a relationship on top of that without even trying to fix it is a Bad Idea.

(then again, a LOT of interesting or needed stuff involving them or their relationships was ignored or never written. i mean like, that ENTIRE thing with magnus’s heritage and that time he literally compared himself to satan. never talked about again! somehow, all those important insecurities and fascinating character exploration is just never really talked about again. never!)

honestly, though, i’ve read about the other books (which i know isn’t exactly the same but i just can’t make it through any more of cc’s writing–i don’t like the style, the characters, the plots, or basically…….anything…..) and i am not impressed like, at all. 

not to mention, i don’t think they really can have a healthy relationship, just the way they’re written? but then again, i suppose a lot is open to interpretation since they were offscreen and written off for most of the books, and even in some of their most important scenes, often things were from someone else’s pov.

and all this? this is just the stuff pertaining to malec. this isn’t even getting into the many other issues in her books.

in other words: sorry, i hate cc and the books. i can’t support them. my posts are not for the book versions of the characters. it’s not like i gonna send hate to book fans or anything, and there’s nothing really wrong with enjoying the books if you like, know their flaws and shit? but a lot of them… don’t. (that’s again not getting into some other things that Book Fans™ do… not like, every book fan, but Book Fans™ you know?)

but honestly? i don’t really want book fans (mostly i mean like, the ones who are like “the books did nothing wrong!! alec isn’t biphobic!! magnus was the asshole for the breakup!!! a 17 yr old and an adult is totally cool!! book alec never did anything wrong!! book malec is such good rep!!” you know, the Book Fans™) following me. 

i mean, i don’t really want people reading my writing and picturing a blue-eyed, biphobic, bratty teenager and a creepy, glitter-soaked adult. maybe that’s petty, and it’s not like i’m going to go through my follower list and block anyone with book malec fanart, but it makes me very uncomfortable you know?? idk