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crash-cinematic-universe · 4 years

Text

Holographic Sand is a Kickass Band Name

pairing: peter maximoff/OC(graciella decuerpo) (high school AU/not canon)

summary: peter learns that a fuckton can change in the course of a week

warnings: none? bad language and peter is simp but thats it

notes **please read**: Heyyyyy how are you doing? good? that’s great. so ik this fic is a peter/oc fic, but honesty i only use her name a few times and a few defining features but like. thats it. so you can totally just imagine urself in her position. also this fic is 5,550 words exactly. that’s the most ive ever written and I am SUPER fucking proud. I think i might become one of those blogs where i write super huge monster fics that im proud of instead of just writing to fill requests.if u dont want that then just lmk and i will not do that. i dont know. maybe. also this fic is peter centric because uh it is. anyways enjoy <3

taglist: @creator-appreciator, @simonsbluee

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Monday

Peter sat across the room, his arms crossed neatly on top of his knees as he rested his chin on his forearm. He wasn’t paying attention to the lesson being taught in front of him, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again. Peter’s mind was a chaotic minefield of music and cheesy one-liners and random facts that he seems to just know. But this time, he wasn’t envisioning himself beating up a police officer or playing with Pink Floyd. This time, he was picturing a perfect world where nothing ever happened yet nothing was ever boring. Peter had built a utopia in his mind-- a kingdom created to his exact preferences. A blissful tower of joy and happiness and energy and satisfaction. A paradise where he stood on top of the world with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra class, standing right next to him.

Now, Peter was well aware that the pretty girl from algebra class had no idea who Peter was. The pair had never exchanged more than a few words, but somewhere within those few words, Peter managed to decide that she was his soulmate. He’d created an image of her in his head that would make God weep tears of envy, the perfect personality for the perfect person. Peter willfully ignored the fact that he was setting himself up for heartbreak as he imagined how nice it would feel to have her fingers intertwined with his.

All of Peter’s friends thought he was ridiculous, ‘you can’t love someone you don’t know,’ they’d say. Peter would only scoff and shake away their words. He absolutely can love someone he doesn’t know, it’s getting the other person to reciprocate those feelings that’s nearly impossible. However, that doesn’t stop him from fantasizing at night. That doesn’t stop him from imagining the various ways he’d confess his love to the pretty girl who doesn’t love him. Or maybe she does. Peter doesn’t know, he could never know; unless, of course, he worked up the courage to talk to her.

Scott constantly teased Peter about his one-sided infatuation, but Peter paid no mind to him. He was 100% content with his perpetual pining for someone who probably didn’t know his name. He was totally okay with the unending ache in his chest that would appear any time she walked by or met his gaze. Peter was alright with his ceaseless yearning and the eternal feeling of disappointment that overtook him every time he snapped out of one of his fantasies. He was a-okay with all of that.

So, there he was, spacing out during biology class as Professor Hargreeves struggles to teach the silver teen about photosynthesis. The Professor looked at Peter with desperate eyes, soon deciding that having his usually energetic student be quiet and still was the silver lining of the situation-- no pun intended. Professor Hargreeves droned on as Peter glanced at the clock, counting down the minutes until 7th period. Counting the seconds until he got to see the pretty girl in algebra class once again.

Tuesday

6th period was always the worst part of Peter’s day-- the dreaded english class. There were many contributing factors to Peter’s hatred for this class; the professor was a bore, the material itself was uninteresting, and Peter could never seem to sit still or retain any of the words he read in english class. Worst of all, english class seemed to go on forever, leaving Peter to impatiently wait for the bell to ring and release him to 7th period. At the end of the period every day, he was practically vibrating in his seat.

“Can anyone tell me what Juliet’s suicide is supposed to symbolize?” the Professor asked expectantly. Peter couldn’t care less about the symbolism of some chick’s suicide-- he’d much rather be studying the features of his algebra class infatuation.

She sat next to him yesterday. There were at least 5 other open seats and she sat next to him. Yes, Peter read too much into it and yes, Peter spent the entire class period trying to make himself seem naturally cool, but he didn’t care. Peter would act like the most desperate, pathetic, lovestruck loser in the world if it meant that she would like him. They didn’t talk, they didn’t exchange a single word, nevertheless, Peter was in a state of euphoria for the entire class period.

Sometimes Peter feels like a stalker. He watches her whenever he can-- he doesn’t follow her around or anything, but if she’s around, he’ll stare at her. He has her features memorized, the curve of her nose, the dark brown irises surrounding her pupils, the way that she always seems to have chipped black nail polish on. He sees the small things. He sees the way she bites her nails when he gets bored and he sees the way her leg never seems to stop bouncing. She hums the basslines to songs as opposed to the melody.

English class came to an abrupt end as the bell cut off the Professor’s teachings as well as Peter’s distant daydreaming. Peter was out of his seat within seconds, his notes and books quickly being swept up in his arms as he walked out of the room. The hallways are crowded and chaotic and busy, each individual student attempting to get to their locker then to their class on time. Peter watches as kids swing their lockers open, fatigue and weariness apparent on their faces as they disappear into their classrooms. Peter reaches his locker hastily, the few small posters of classic rocks bands adorning the inside of his locker door. A playful giddiness overcame his body as he made his way to algebra class, a small smile left on his face.

Graciella shows up across the hallway, her bright red hair catching his eye in a sea of brown and blonde and blue. His stomach flutters as they get closer and closer to each other, finally meeting outside of the classroom. Her eyes rise to meet Peter’s, and instead of pulling away, Peter keeps looking. She smiles at him before disappearing inside the classroom, and Peter felt his knees get weak. With a deep breath and a triumphant smile, he walked into the classroom.

Wednesday

Lunchtime; possibly one of the most enjoyable parts of Peter’s school day. Peter is free to kick back and stuff his face full of whatever junk the school board deems nutritious enough for highschoolers. Usually, he ate lunch under the bleachers with his friends, but in some sick twist of fate most of them were absent. So, Peter was left to eat alone in his usual spot.

The quiet was comfortable, refreshing. The gentle summer breeze would blow every few minutes and Peter would listen to the rustle of the leaves. There’s a certain tranquility to being alone; Peter can lay back and relax and just… think. No stress, no panicking, no--

“Hey, uh, Peter, right?” Peter’s eyes snap up so fast he’s afraid they would detach from his head and fall out. His breath faltered and his hands began to shake a bit-- why was he so freaked out? She was just a girl; sure, she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and yeah, he was madly in love with her, but that’s besides the point.

“Uh-- uh, yeah, P-Peter. That’s, uh, that’s me,” He chuckled awkwardly, desperately trying to stay cool. Peter was an awkward person, but he’d rather die than fuck up his chances with Grace.

“You dropped this on your way out of class yesterday, I, uhm, didn’t get to return it to you until now,” She holds out a small key chain with three small keys hanging off of it-- Peter’s house keys, along with the key to his mother’s car. He quickly takes the key chain from the red-haired girl in front of him.

“Holy shit, uh, thanks! I couldn’t get into my house yesterday so I guess you saved me from another broken window,” Peter held up his hand and showcased the scattered pattern of small cuts on his palm. Grace laughed lightly before gently running her fingers over the cuts on Peter’s palm.

“Oh fuck, dude, these look pretty bad. Maybe keep a spare key hidden under your welcome mat or something,” Peter doesn’t fully process Grace’s words; he’s too preoccupied with trying not to collapse at the feeling of her fingertips on his palm.

“Hey, you okay? You look… pale,” Grace pressed the back of her hand on Peter’s forehead in an attempt to check for illness, but that just made Peter’s skin erupt in goosebumps.

“I, um, I’m fine. I’m just st-stressed about the algebra t-test on Friday, I th-think,” To be fair, Peter was stressed about the algebra test. Peter may or may not have spent the entire class staring at Grace instead of, you know, learning the material.

“Oh! Well, if you want, I can help you study. I’m also kinda worried about it, and I study better with other people,” Peter silently thanked god for what was happening to him.

“That would be fuckin’ fantastic,” Grace smiled a smile that made Peter shiver.

“Cool! Uh, I’ll give you my phone number and we’ll meet up tomorrow. One day isn’t much time to study, but it’s better than nothing.” She pulls a pen out of her backpack and rips a small piece of paper out of one of her notebooks. Peter watches as she scribbles down her phone number and hands the paper to him.

“Thanks. For everything, the keys, the studying-- everything.” Grace smiled.

“It’s no problem, Peter, really. I’ll call you later,” And just like that, she walked away. Peter was left alone under the bleachers, a wide smile plastered on his face as he read the piece of paper in his hands over and over and over again.

Thursday

30 minutes. 30 minutes until Grace Reaper DeCuerpo, the prettiest, nicest, funniest girl Peter had ever met would show up on his doorstep. She would be inside his house for god knows how long. She would sit next to Peter-- either on the coffee table in the basement or on the floor of his bedroom. Needless to say, Peter was freaking the fuck out.

The plan was simple: Grace shows up, they study, they get comfortable, and she goes home. Yet, in those four simple steps, so much could go wrong. Wanda could interrupt, his mother could lose her temper, Lorena could start crying-- worst of all, Peter could embarrass himself and drive her away.

Peter was in the middle of reorganizing his record collection for a third time when he heard a knock at the door. His blood went cold and an electric excitement ran through his veins. Peter checked his hair in the mirror one last time before running to the door. He stood silently, staring at the chrome handle hesitantly. This was his one chance. His only chance to make his perfect kingdom real-- Peter really, really, really didn't want to fuck it up. With a deep breath, he slowly opened the door.

"Hey, Peter!" Her voice was smooth and melodic and it made Peter's heart light up. He’s about to respond with something smooth and witty when a squeaky voice chirps behind him.

“Hi!! Are you the pretty girl Peter talks about?” Peter can physically feel his face turn bright red as he turns to see his six-year-old sister, Lorena, standing behind him. She’s wearing a purple princess dress that has a syrup stain on the sleeve. Grace laughs before stepping through the doorway.

“Lorena!” Peter groans in annoyance, a pleading look on his face. The young girl just giggles before scurrying away, her dress flowing behind her.

“‘The pretty girl Peter talks about’, huh?” Grace grins at Peter cheekily. Peter runs his hand through his hair before motioning to the staircase.

“God, Lorna is quite the kid. Well, uh, we can work in my room,” He sighs. “And Grace? Uh, m-maybe don’t let Lorena change your opinion of me,” She just smirks before walking past Peter.

“Too late,” She called before disappearing down the stairs. Peter could hear the faintest trace of a smile in her voice. His heart skipped a beat as he quickly followed after her.

She was wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt and holding a backpack with various pins on it-- her left ear was pierced in three places and her right in five. The earrings she was wearing were black, or maybe grey; her bright red hair blocked Peter’s view of them. She was wearing rings, some odd words engraved in the metal. Peter couldn’t read them from where he was standing. She was wearing a skirt with fishnets, her hand buried in the pockets that seem to have been sewn in herself. She has callouses on both her hands, but Peter knew that already. Her appearance would put Aphrodite to shame-- suddenly, Peter was much less confident in himself than he was before. He ran his hand through his hair again before reaching the basement.

He held his breath as Grace looked around his room, her gaze lingering on the plethora of stolen signs and band posters covering the walls. She placed her backpack on the floor and walked over to Peter’s record collection, her fingers carefully flitting through the different albums. She seemed… impressed. It was then that Peter realized it had been silent for much too long.

“Y’know I can, uh, p-play some music if you want me to. You can just pick a record and, uh, I’ll... play it,” Peter winced at his words, cursing himself for being so awkward in front of the girl he’d been pining after since the beginning of the year. He felt like everything had spiraled out of control, and he watched idly as it happened. Then, Grace shot him a smile and pulled out a record.

“You have a good taste in music, Silver,” No one had ever called Peter ‘silver’ before. He liked it a bit more than he should. “Although, that’s not really a surprise. I had a feeling you were cool.”

“You think I’m cool?” Peter asked, shocked. He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

“Oh, totally. I see you in the hallways sometimes and you always seem so… carefree. Genuine. I don’t know, I guess it’s just… you, ya know? You’re naturally cool.” Every syllable that rolled off her tongue shot euphoria through Peter’s veins. Grace DeCuerpo, the girl Peter Maximoff had dreamed of for almost a full year, was telling him that she thought he was cool. Naturally cool.

“I know a lot of people who would disagree with you on that one,” Peter joked. There was truth behind his humor, but of course, he didn’t want to get into his insecurities now. “They think I’m a total loser, which isn’t totally wrong I guess.”

“Well those people are stupid,” She stated matter-of-factly with a smile. “Speaking of stupid, we should probably get to work.” Peter nodded before sitting beside her on the floor.

For three hours they poured over their algebra books. They quizzed each other and checked each other’s work; Peter’s proficiency in simplifying radicals aiding them both. Every now and then their hands would brush against each other, or the conversation would stray away from school and into their personal lives. Peter learned that Grace had two brothers, one of which passed away when she was younger. Peter talked about Lorena and Wanda and his miraculous abilities in the same way that she talked about her hometown and her own abilities. The conversation was smooth and natural-- Peter didn’t feel like he was being too annoying or too chatty and there was seldom an awkward pause. The pair were content in their time together, not a single moment went by where one wished the other would leave.

Eventually, Grace had to go home. Peter wished that she could stay forever, but of course, that would be considered kidnapping. He walked her to the door, although Peter didn’t feel like he was walking. He felt like he was floating.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Silver,” Grace said softly as she turned to face Peter. She looked him in the eye and he could feel his stomach flutter.

“Yeah, I guess so,” She opened the door, but before she left, she froze. She turned to look at Peter once again.

“Peter?” she said. “You’re not a loser.”

Friday

Peter could tell the second he walked through the front door of his high school that something had changed. The energy that radiated in the halls shifted from a dull buzz of boredom to a rush of anticipation. The students in the hallway looked the same as always; tired and anxious and wishing for the day to go by quickly. However, Peter wasn’t wishing for the end of the day, and he certainly wasn’t tired. He was determined and energized and absolutely terrified, because that morning Peter Maximoff made the most important decision a seventeen-year-old could. He decided that he was going to ask Grace out on a date.

Peter made the choice to keep this from his friends-- it’s not that he didn’t trust them, it’s just that Peter knew he would be teased for his infatuation. It’s happened before and it will happen again. He walked down the hallways with a brave face on, his eyes forward and his heart racing. Truthfully, the silver teenager was terrified of… well, everything. The looming image of a harsh rejection forced itself into his mind; the idea that she would laugh in his face made his heart break a tiny bit, even though it wasn’t real. Peter simply shook those images away and walked on.

The day flew by much faster than Peter was comfortable with, and for the first time ever, he was dreading algebra class. He was terrified that he would walk through the door and have everything be exactly the same-- he feared that Grace would go back to not knowing who he was, just like before. Peter was alright with never being her boyfriend, but he didn’t want to be a stranger. He didn’t think he could take being a stranger anymore.

So, there he stood, staring at the door to his algebra classroom from across the hall. He felt confident and prepared himself for the task at hand. In four long strides, he entered the classroom. Grace was sitting next to an empty desk, her eyes stuck on the small notebook full of doodles on her desk. Peter watched as her eyes raised to meet his, a wide smile forming on her face as she motioned him over.

“Hey, silver! I saved a seat for ya,” she called, and Peter felt his knees get weak. He then decided that he would wait until after class to ask her out.

“You did?”

“Of course,” She grinned. “I like you, dude, you’re my friend,” Peter’s heart fluttered as he sat down beside her. Grace shot an odd look his way before reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. “Hey, you look stressed. Don’t sweat it, silver, you’ll do fine. We studied for, like, 3 hours yesterday. You’re gonna ace it,”

To be frank, Peter had forgotten all about the test. The real reason he looked so stressed was because he happened to be sitting next to the love of his life, and the love of his life happened to be touching his arm.

“O-oh! Uh, yeah, thanks. I was just nervous because of… the test,” The bell rang and class began, the professor strictly laying down the rules that were to be followed while the test was in session. Peter could feel the lingering touch of her hand on his skin. It made his head feel fuzzy.

Peter soon came to learn that sitting next to Grace during a test was a huge mistake. He couldn’t focus on anything other than her-- it didn’t help that she kept shooting him glances from where she sat. The numbers and letters on the paper in front of him seemed to rearrange before his eyes, instead spelling out various taunts. He feels a little pathetic for how easily Grace can unravel him, but hey, he’s a teenager.

The silver-haired boy’s eyes were struggling to decipher the words on his page when a small folded square landed on his desk. It came from Grace’s direction, and a small smirk had formed on her lips as she solved equations. Hesitantly, he unfolded the paper and read the neatly written message.

Hey silver :)

Peter smiled softly. He quickly pulled a pad of post-it notes out of his backpack and scribbled down a quick reply.

I have no idea what I’m doing. I think Professor Stedman decided to write our tests in hieroglyphics this time.

He flicked the note onto her desk and quickly turned his face downward. Class would be over soon, and Peter knew he couldn’t turn in a blank test. He uses his enhanced speed to do his assessment in seconds. Sure, he was almost certain he’d barely reach a passing grade, but hey, he had bigger matters to focus on. By the time he finished, another note landed on his desk.

That bad, huh? Looks like we better study longer next time.

Peter’s heart swelled a bit. He really thought the study sessions were a one-time thing. He’s overjoyed to know he’ll get to see Grace semi-regularly, even if he never manages to ask her out.

I think I’d rather hang out with you without the looming threat of schoolwork.

That’s the closest Peter could get to asking her out. He put deep thought into every word, he examined the phrasing and checked the spelling of every word. His english teacher would be proud.

That can be arranged ;)

Peter had no idea that four words could make him feel so much. He had no idea that 17 letters could make him want to scream in the middle of a silent testing period. His hand was shaking and his careful planning was abandoned as he scribbled back a reply.

Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?

Patiently, he waited. He waited for Grace to finish writing her response and he waited for her to toss the note back over. He didn’t wait for more than a few minutes, but it felt like hours. He was panicking, and he was sure she could tell. She was probably joking, right? She was probably writing an awkward clarification-- she was probably explaining that she would actually rather die than be around him for non-academic reasons. He braced himself as the yellow post-it landed on the center of his desk.

My aunt owns a drive-in a few miles from here and she gave me keys to the projector room and the gate. She managed to snag a copy of The Exorcist-- I thought you’d like to join me during my midnight escapade tomorrow night.

Peter’s heart stopped. For a moment, he thought his eyes were fooling him. Maybe this was all some sick joke. Maybe he was being set up. Maybe he’ll get in her car tomorrow and she’ll drive him into the woods and murder him. To be completely honest, Peter wouldn’t mind if she murdered him. Peter wrote his reply.

Really? You want me there? I might be a drag. You could probably find at least 20 other people who would probably be more interesting than me.

Grace frowned at his response, and suddenly Peter decided he never wanted to see her frown again. She wrote confidently, her words solid and sure.

You? A drag? Impossible. I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want to be with anyone other than you, Maximoff.

This note was his undoing. He couldn’t help himself, he read it over and over and over again-- he almost forgot to respond. He wanted to hold onto it forever, he wanted it to be framed and hung on his wall. Hell, he wanted it tattooed on his arm. Peter had never been so happy while taking a test, that’s for sure. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say; he went from heartfelt responses to witty retorts. Finally, he decided to be totally and completely honest.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Saturday

There was seldom a time in his life where Peter Maximoff felt wholly content. Even in the most peaceful moments, there was always something bothering him, there was always something to pull him back to reality. However, sitting in the back of Grace’s dad’s convertible with the seats down and the roof pulled back, his head resting on her shoulder as they watched a cheesy horror movie, Peter was as close to nirvana as he’d ever been.

Life had always been so hard for Peter. He’s always had to fight for his seat at the table, to claw his way into a state of mind that wasn’t a hellhole. It seemed as if the world was plotted against him; he was ostracized from society and taught that he, along with his closest family and friends, were monsters. He never met his father and his mother spent so long fighting her own battles that she forgot to love her kids. Peter had to steal to stay fed, and he had to do his best to raise his little sisters to be good people. But right there, right then? That wasn’t hard. Peter didn’t have to be anyone or do anything-- he just had to exist next to someone who wanted him. That was the easiest thing Peter had ever done.

Peter wasn’t exactly sure how he got there. Of course, he knew that they had driven to the drive-in, but he wasn’t sure how he was the person next to Grace. They had spoken for one day, maybe two, and somehow he landed himself in the most perfect spot in the entire universe. Less than a week ago, she didn’t even know his name. Or, maybe she did. Maybe she was just like Peter-- maybe she had spent the past year pining for him, and finally she worked up the nerve to just talk to him. Maybe. Peter isn’t complaining either way.

“Can I ask you a kind of cheesy question?” Peter is startled by the sound of his own voice. Grace sits up and glances at him.

“Shoot,”

“Do you-- well, uh, don’t read too much into this, but, do you believe in love at first sight?” God, he sounded awkward.

“Nope,” She said bluntly. Peter wasn’t expecting that answer, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed by it. “I mean, it’s kind of a stupid idea, ya know? Like, isn’t there a million poems and sonnets and books written about how love is this weird complicated monster of a feeling? I don’t think you can really love someone just by looking at them. You can love the idea of a person, sure, or maybe the look of a person, but you can’t love that person. Because a person is so much more than ‘first sight’,” she sighs. “I don’t know, maybe I’m being a killjoy. It just seems dumb to me-- dumb and, I don’t know, exclusive,”

Peter stops to think for a moment. He steps out of his lovesick chaotic hellbrain and looks at his feelings from an outside perspective. He thinks back to the kingdom he created in his brain-- a kingdom built on a foundation of sand. Or, less than sand. Holographic sand, because the sand he built his kingdom on wasn’t real. He made a mental note that ‘Holographic Sand’ is a kickass band name, then resumed his impromptu soul-searching. She was right-- he could see that now. Scott was right, too. You really can’t love someone you don’t know, because if you don’t know them, you fill in the gaps. You fill in the gaps with what you think fits, and then the other person stops being them and starts being parts of you. Peter suddenly felt weird.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Grace interjects after a while. Peter hadn’t realized he’d been silent for so long.

“You didn’t say anything wrong. On the contrary, you, uh, you made things a little bit more… right, in my brain. You somehow managed to take a little chunk of chaos and tame it, which is scarily impressive,” he joked. “Remind me to ask you your opinion on the meaning of life and the root of true happiness,” They’re joined in a chorus of laughter and Peter realizes that his little brain kingdom didn’t hold a candle to the red convertible he was sitting in. She slings an arm around his shoulders.

“Y’know, I might not know the meaning of life, but I am pretty close to true happiness right now,” She says, softer than before. “Maybe the root of true happiness is you, Maximoff,” She chuckles. Peter smiles. He doesn’t want the ruin the moment-- god, he is desperately trying to keep himself from fucking it up, but he feels obligated to tell her about his year of pining.

“Hey, uh, can I tell you something kinda pathetic?” He cringes at the way his voice trembled on the last word.

“Go ahead, Peter,” She used his name this time. Peter thinks she knows he’s about to say something mildly serious.

“I’ve liked you since, like, the beginning of the year. You seemed so… cool. So nice. I saw you in the hallways and my stomach would get all twisted up and my head would hurt a little bit. It was like I was allergic to you, but I enjoyed it. That sounds weird. I’m sorry,” He stopped for a moment, attempting to take the buzzing mass of words in his brain and string them into a sentence. “I was too afraid to talk to you, so I, uh, asked around. I got other people’s opinions of you and then built a little version of you in my brain. I realize now that, uhm, the little brain version of you is like, way way worse than actual you,”

When you talked to me the first time, you threw me off. I wasn’t really nervous about the test-- I mean, yeah I was nervous but that’s not why I looked so pale. I just wasn’t expecting for you to talk to me, like, willingly. So I lied because I was embarrassed. And I lied again in class yesterday. Because I was embarrassed,” He stopped talking. Peter felt like he was digging himself into a hole-- he felt like he killed the sweet sugary mood.

“Why are you telling me this?” Grace asked. She didn’t sound angry. She sounded a little confused, and she sounded like she was trying to help Peter decipher his brain.

“I don’t know, I guess I just feel bad. I feel bad for, uh, for not being honest I guess. I feel bad for being a coward,” Yep, definitely killed the mood.

“Peter, you shouldn’t feel bad for being afraid, you know,” She assures. “I would’ve done the exact same thing in your position. Hell, I did do the exact same thing in your position,” That caught Peter’s attention.

“What?”

“You didn’t drop your keys in algebra. You dropped them somewhere in bio and my friend found them. She was gonna take them to the office, but I wanted an excuse to talk to you, so I said I’d return them,” Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was being pranked, he had to be. “Being awkward and weird is like a requirement in high school. Don’t sweat it, Maximoff, really. We’re all the same in that way, I think,”

Peter felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was feeling too much at that moment, he was letting the bad drown out the good. He didn’t want to remember the day in a sad light.

“I like you. A lot. Even if you are awkward and weird,” He smiles softly. Slowly, ever so slowly, he intertwined his fingers with those of the girl beside him. It was a simple display of affection, but it made Peter feel like he was floating.

“I like you too, dork,” Peter smiled widely before placing his head back on Grace’s shoulder. Peter wasn’t paying attention to the movie, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again-- but this time, he wasn’t standing on a false kingdom with a false version of the girl he liked. No, this time, he was thinking about the very real girl beside him. He was thinking about the perfect world they had created in the small car they were in; a perfect world where he felt so much emotion and so, so safe. They had built a utopia in the back seat- a blissful tower of awkwardness and comfort and clumsy confessions. A paradise where he sat in the back seat of a Ford Galaxie with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra class, sitting right next to him.

#Evan Peters #peter maximoff #peter maximoff x oc #peter maximoff x reader #sorta a little bit #graciella reaper decuerpo #xmen #xmen fanfiction #xmen imagine #high school AU

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abrakophile · 3 years

Text

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE.

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP.

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

#very personal but where the fuck am i gonna put them? you know where i kinda cant lose them?#letters from the guy that was my dad #pt 1 #long post

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simptasia · 4 years

Text

neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

#lost #charthann #missinglost #(i don't wanna lose this so i tagged you guys)#i've made a list like this before but i wanna go into detail #and before i knew it i made an incredible essay #lost headcanons #most of this is based on canon but as i said there is extrapolation at play #and i mention some headcanons along the way when i felt it was needed #gosh this became a whole Thing #i hope y'all enjoy it!#and this isn't counting ppl i headcanon as ND #like jack being autistic or charlie having HPD #i could go into that too

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vanityloves · 4 years

Note

Storm and ivy + medic

@septemberlove i have. no excuse for how late these are but uh. thank you for sending these in 💕.

[word count: 1.8k+ with the longest 'authors note' bc im mentally ill]

sfw, mmm comfy cozy, general sick hcs,

storm - what are cozy days in with your f/o like?

Whenever I think of cozy days, my brain immediately goes to rainy/chilly weather where we can cuddle up together and my brain short fuses. I'm gonna assume this is just like a day off or something though!

How I visual them together vs how I write them is odd because they technically don't act or accept they're 'together' until after the comics but I always write them like they're in a Steady Relationship while on base. I'm always writing a slight AU if you will. Or maybe it's after they get their jobs back at Mann co - I should highkey adjust that but No ♥️. No more thinking, just content based off my idealized universe.

There's definitely a point in their relationship where it's like 'I think I have to put in a little more work here'. I'm not saying either party is slacking but they're slacking ♥️. Neither of them really take action. Chef doesn't blame him or really complain about it because that's their nature, plus they don't know how romantic relationships really work or flow, especially with a person like him. Medic doesn't see an issue with anything and continues on with his normal business.

What I mean by slacking is, there's not a lot of quality time being spent together which would be fine if it wasn't both of their strongest Love Languages, which could help them strengthen their relationship. It's odd because they're 'romantically involved' but they don't spend a lot of time together for either of them to consider it romantic, simply because it's on company time.

ANYWAYS THATS JUST ME BEING CONVOLUTED. FEEL FREE TO JUST IGNORE ALL OF THIS.

Medic goes to bed pretty late and wakes up at a fairly early hour. Chef is a late sleeper and forced to be an early riser because their Actual Job is to make at least 2 or 3 meals a day (if they want something else, they're on their own but hate when anyone messes up the kitchen and will honestly, stand there and watch said person).

There's minimal time they can spend together if they want to do their own activities - for Medic, it's tinkering around with organs or in Engie's garage, for Chef, they're typically meal prepping or trying to tend to an animal or plant of some sort.

Medic is actually more direct about wanting attention and it's never been a problem because he's cautious about it. Chef is more emotionally inclined and willing to drop hints that they want more attention.

Chef probably has one day off where it's a complete free for all, for the rest of the team, which would be the perfect time to spend with Medic - If he wanted to stop working, that is. Just don't picture it but, Chef will literally sit in the medbay for hours just to be near the guy, but it isn't bad? The drone of machinery or the scratching of his pen is relaxing, or having his doves nearby is always sweet! Plus, he's prone to talking their ear off when he finds something interesting, so they'll chime in and have some back and forth.

But, yknow - sometimes having someone's undivided attention is nice and Chef is pretty dense when it comes to that and wonders why they feel so upset.

They swallow their pride and ask Medic if they sleep in his room one night and Medic's not as dense as Chef, he understands that they'd never ask for something so out of the blue for no reason and he promises to finish up his work early so they could head to bed together. Chef had nothing planned, they literally just needed that affection and closeness - since it was their day off Medic takes the hint and puts his work aside for the time being.

They'd probably sleep in and stay in bed a while longer before getting ready together - no uniform required. Chef isn't so talkative in the mornings, Medic's noticed, but they were happily fiddling with his buttons and tie, humming in thought before answering his questions. Medic's seen them out of uniform of course, but it's always funny seeing them in just a button up and jeans like … mom on the go vibes. Medic leaves his coat behind before making his way to the kitchen with Chef.

The kitchen usually has a couple people loitering around, grabbing their coffee or honestly, waiting around for Chef because they always make extra and these bitches are lazy. But the kitchen has now become A Medic Supremacy Zone and he has first dibs - the benefits of being w/ Chef I guess. The two would work as if the others weren't there, keeping their conversation between each other even if that means Medic tilting his head down while Chef leans in closer to reply. There's a high possibility the other have left them to their own devices, seeing as the couple was ignoring them / knows they won't be getting anything. Breakfast isn't extraordinary but it feels special since they actually get to sit across each other and share the morning today.

It's possible that they'd go out and run some errands today, but it's a cover to window shop and walk around. I'll be honest, they probably haven't had proper dates so it's refreshing. You could ask Chef what they liked the most and they're just like :] Yes.

Other times, they like to curl up and catch up with some reading (well, Medic at least) while Chef rests against him and skim over the words. They're not too invested in what he's reading but likes to have some idea of what he's talking about so they don't ask too many questions. (Very 'these words are big and english/german is not my first language + I can't read as fast as you can so I got lost 7 pages ago). Medic likes to watch Chef garden and tries to help them tend to whatever they're able to grow in the goddamn desert. He overwaters a cactus and looks away if it dies. Chef talks ab how they're growing mint and how it really took off while Medic's standing there like :] Oh, lets make tea with that. Because they're Old People (read: Medic is old)

🕊🐁

ivy - how do you take care of each other when you’re sick?

Chef is easier to take care of when they're sick. They continue working until they're pretty beat but once they feel sick and a break doesn't work, they'll try to finish up what they can before turning in early. They see themselves to bed and inform whoever's near that they won't ne there at dinner and if they really cant figure it out, then come get them - other than that, they're barricading themselves in their room.

When they're sick they're REALLY sick but recovery time is usually a few days (depending on how bad it is). They basically hibernate and don't like being disturbed. They're used to not fending for themselves since they've been on their own for a while but really appreciate all the check ins Medic does w/ them, especially when they're all better.

Medic, being...their Medic, he definitely gives them a check up when they first begin showing symptoms and he can be a stickler when it comes to drinking fluids and eating properly. Chef usually has a finicky stomach as it is so Medic really urges them to drink soups and easy foods like bread and crackers. He checks in on them A LOT, even if that's just peeking in to see if they're asleep or not. He backs off when Chef gives him a cold stare from under the covers and minimizes his intrusions/tries to be more sneaky about it. He has colder hands and they let out a sigh when he puts his hand to their cheek or forehead to check their temperature.

Chef doesn't hesitate to take any medication he has for them, mostly bc they aren't fully coherent but they also don't have energy to care, in fact they have the thought that if he accidentally kills them, maybe respawn will cure them. Unfortunately, Medic debunks this before they can even muster up the energy to ask.

Overall 7.5/10, very good patient. Will refuse to get up and accidently falls asleep in the shower which scares the shit out of him.

Medic on the other hand is very stubborn and doesn't like to stop working unless there's something that physically stops him (ex: vomiting, serious injuries [unlikely bc medigun], etc). If he tricked the Devil, surely the man can beat the common cold or flu! Unfortunately he gets those full body shivers and feels terrible. He can be pretty dramatic when he's sick and everyone's subjected to his bad attitude.

It's Chefs turn to play doctor - they can tell by looks alone that he's under the weather. His face is flushed and he's a bit sloppily put together, which isn't *too uncommon* but his tie isn't tied and his glasses lamely slide down his nose. They tsk a bit while taking his temperature just to keep track of it before ushering him to his room.

He can be dragged to bed if persistent enough. Chef's firm hold on his arm is enough for him to get off his chair and have them tug him along. He doesn't have any room to argue with them as they look up at him, so he relents, stating that a short break would definitely do him good, but he'll be up and at em by tomorrow.

Chef is doting and becomes a bit of a helicopter parent when checking on him. This mostly consists of peeking their head in but not really stepping in the room. Every so often they'll wake him up to drink water and either hand him an ice pack or offer a cold towel and move to dab at his forehead and neck.

Medic hasn't been too keen on having others taking care of him bc that's HIS job, and he often tries to shoo Chef away by saying he's more than alright now. Sometimes he's caught sitting up in bed doing work or taking notes on something bc he's a bit restless when he's sick and stationary for too long.

But he's right. He's very good at taking care of himself - when Chef offers him food he'll force himself to eat some of it and he's drinks plenty of fluids without needing reminders. He kinda bosses Chef around, telling them to grab certain medications from the Medbay. They trust his judgment on his own health and bring him what he asks for but Chef keeps a mental note of what he takes and when. Don't need the doctor accidentally taking too many pills today!

Overall 6.5/10. It's hard to get him into bed and becomes restless fairly easily. He is persistent that he's ok after one day of rest only to be found sneezing himself away in the Medbay.

#tf2 oc #self insert #medic #self ship #tf2 headcanons #my headcanons #my writing #i guess #'have you written enough?' idk you tell me.#s: soul food #if anyone reads even a part of this im sorry #💙 2d's spouse 💙#mars!!!#ahh thank you again.. sorry these are so late ahshhd i get caught up w/ other stuff so this was self care <3 !#im very passionate ab medic YSHDHD like yeah no shit bitch 🦧

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mother-snake · 4 years

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self preservation

@idkanameatall enjoy the angst!

to everyone, ask and the next story i write i shall tagg you if youd like so you dont miss out!

(sorry for this lengthy boi. Also, my cat missy says hello

Word count- 3769)

angst. very angsty and i dont know what else to put as a warning cause i wrote 90 precent of this around two weeks ago... please say if there is something im missing... :P

- janus helps the others but can they help him, thast baiscaly the plot-

The first person to get a slight feel for Janus’s intentions was Logan.

He had huddled himself into his room for a couple days, trying his best to make a schedule that he knew would just end up being forgotten by the others. his computer screen was blank. He hadn’t even started. The knowledge of the fact that it wasn’t going to be used stopping him. Why should he do this if it will just be disregarded? he knew they wouldn’t listen to him I he just asked for them to try and stick to the plan. They would only ignore and apologise. He’d forgive them and it would continue like that.

His eyes were heavy. He hadn’t felt like this in a long while. Not since Thomas was a teenager, when he was always being worked overtime.

He was fine. He was going to be okay. They would listen this time.

It was then that he sensed the other presence in his room. He didn’t need to turn to know that the deceitful side was there. It was six, he would always visit around this time every other day.

But when he looked at the time, he knew it was for another reason. It was three in the morning, and he had visited yesterday. so why was he here?

“lying to yourself I see Logan,” he let out a sigh, “get some rest, you’ve been in here for four days,” “I can’t, I need to get this done,” Logan muttered to himself as he stared at the screen. “Logan, your over worked, you’re tired. Continue this tomorrow, it will still be here when you wake up,” the scale covered side closed over the computer screen and stared at the logical side with a small smile.

It was then that Logan realised he had actually started crying.

Janus held a hand out to the other who took it thankfully. His legs shook as he tried to stand up. the bed looked enticing to him. He was hit by a wave of pure tiredness.

He didn’t remember falling asleep? he felt something giving off a small amount of heat and tucked himself closer. He heard a small chuckle. That wasn’t normal. he cracked his eyes open to be met with Janus smiling at him. Oh… he forgot about the other side.

He locked gazes with the other side for couple seconds before looking away with a small blush. “how do you feel?” Janus asked. “I… don’t feel anything” he stated. “that’s a lie, try again Logan,” “I… I feel better,” he did feel better, just a little bit drained but not as much as he did yesterday.

Half an hour later they were downstairs in the kitchen. Logan being the earliest up wouldn’t be a surprise to the others, but Janus still lived over in the dark side. he had always wondered what it was like over there. He wondered if it looked anything like the light side’s commons. How many other dark sides where there.

For the first time as the kitchen light flickered on, he caught something familiar the other side was wearing. Several things actually.

“is that Virgil’s old hoodie?”

The back hoodie was one he wouldn’t forget. The green fabric around his neck acting like a scarf he recognised as Remus old sash. It was bizarre to see. But he didn’t mind.

“yes, he gave it to me when he changed his outfit,” Janus spoke as he grabbed two bowls from the coubard.

“so, the scarf I take it was Remus old sash?” he only got a nod in response.

The deceitful side put a bowl of chocolate pebbles in front of Logan who sat down at the table. The other side had a bowl of krispies. Oh, he hoped that roman didn’t think it was him that stole his cereal again.

The two ate in silence. Both found it quite pleasant, but for two different reasons.

One because he hated how loud the others could get, the other because he had some company, something he hadn’t had in a very long time.

By the time the others had come down the stairs, Janus had long gone knowing they wouldn’t take too well to his company. A small part of him was upset that the other wouldn’t stay longer.

Patton had been the first to arrive. He smiled as he saw Logan sitting at the table. the next two to come down were the twins. Both giving a loud hello to the others in the room. the last one up was Virgil. Upon entering the room, he could feel the slightly heightened anxiety coming from the logical side. He gave Patton a quick look. He must have sensed something too.

Logan looked round the now busy room and made his way over to the exit. He was aware that Virgil had left after him. So when he was tapped on the shoulder and turned to see the anxious side he just stared. “you okay specks?” “what do you mean Virgil?” “well… I can feel your anxiety coming off you for one and second you were staring at the door for a while,” “oh, I see. I didn’t mean to stare, just have a lot on my mind, still got the schedule to finish,” his voice ending in a whisper.

Virgil looked at the other. He rarely showed emotion, this must have been affecting him.

“well, take a break and watch a movie?” Virgil began, “ill let you pick,”

It wasn’t noticeable, but a small smile appeared on his face, “that sounds reasonable,”

If he had arrived in his room, he would have caught deceit sitting at his desk for a while with a smile on his face. He could feel the others emotions falling back into place from there.

The next was Patton. He had been known for stress baking. Every night instead of sleeping he would bake cookies. The unfortunate part of that today was the fact he had enough cookies to feed a small village.

He grumbled as he looked at the enormous pile of chocolate chip cookies, peanut flapjacks and muffins. A thought crossed his mind.

Thus, he picked up a tuber-ware box and began to fill it as much as possible.

When he knew he could get no more into it he proceeded to make his way somewhere he hadn’t thought he would ever go. the door to the dark side was black with one panel of yellow glass, but it was to blurry to see anything on the inside. He could hear however what sounded like a movie playing.

He gave the door a quick knock. The noise stopped and replaced by shuffling, the door creaked open and he was met with a yellow eye. “why aren’t you here Patton?” the voice was smooth. “I brought you something, I hope you don’t mind,” he scratched the back of his head as he lifted the rather large container up a little.

The other side looked surprised before he opened the door the rest of the way and gestured the other to come inside. he gingerly made his way and was immediately hit with the smell of fresh bread and coffee. It was a welcoming smell.

“would you like some tea?” the other asked.

Not wanting to be rude he gave a small nod. “just set it down on the coffee table, I’ll be back in a minuet,”

True to his word he came back with a cup of tea. It was also then that Patton had seen what he was wearing. A smile appeared as he saw the dark sides toothless wonzie. It made sense, he was half way through the second movie. “you like how to train your dragon,” Patton grinned “what gave it away?” he passed the tea over and opened the box of goodies pulling out a muffin.

He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over the both of them. Patton smiled at the gesture. Soon the movie was back on. as it continued, he could hear Janus mutter almost every line that played. Then when the credits came, he sang the song. the third movie was put on. He could feel the others emotions. It was mainly happy but he could feel a deep sadness. “you okay kiddo?” he whispered. “of course, just don’t like the fact it’s the final movie, knowing it’s going to end hurts I suppose, but at least I can reply the movies,” Patton pondered that for a second.

When the movie ended Janus and Patton were both in tears. But both eventually calmed themselves. “I must ask Patton, what was the real reason you’re here?” Janus asked to the other. “don’t tell the others, but I tend to bake when I can’t sleep and I made far too much today,” Patton said. he shifted his gaze away from the others inquisitive gaze. “well the, perhaps next time if you’d like, we could do this again?” Janus spoke. “would you be alright with that? I don’t want to wake you by accident,” Patton responded. “it will be perfectly fine Patton, now I suggest you head to bed and try to get some sleep,” the window behind the tv showed that sunbeams were beginning to peak over giving the room a slight yellow huge. “alright kiddo, same goes for you, you need some sleep too,”

A couple minuets later he was back in his room. He practically collapsed as he made his way to his bed. The softness of the sheets lulling him to sleep.

Roman was the next. he hadn’t spoken to Janus since that incident around a month ago. it was two days after then that Remus had moved his room. But the two had connected together. Remus right now was in the imagination. Leaving him sitting in the shared room.

A sigh left his lips as he looked around the room. He just didn’t know. He wanted to apologize for making fun of the others name. but he didn’t know if he was ready to face the other. Logan, Virgil and Patton were busy as of right now, so he could easily watch some Disney for now.

That is how he found himself staring in the light sides living room at a familiar figure watering the few plants that lay around the room. he stood still for a couple second. this was fine.

“I could hear that lie from over here,” he groaned, “don’t worry ill leave if you want me to,” his voice was softer than normal, his gloved hands picked away at the bottom of his lose shirt.

“its fine, actually I would like to speak to you, if you don’t mind,” roman spoke.

Janus just sighed in response and sat down on one of the armchairs. roman sat near on the sofa, not really sure where to start. “well… I suppose I should say sorry,” roman began hesitantly, “I’m sorry I made fun of your name, that wasn’t my best moment,”

Roman shifted as the other stared at him.

“you shouldn’t be the one to apologise roman,” Janus muttered,” I was the one who manipulated you, I pushed you further than I should have. I also apologise for what I said after, I know that it was a dirty move,”

The two sat there for a while. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. But they both felt slightly better. Not as good as before but still better none the less. the silence was interrupted by Remus yelling. He was coming close. “well then, best be on my way,” Janus smiled at the other weakly. “id like to talk to you later if you wouldn’t mind Janus,” roman said, “I’d like to try out some scripts?”

The deceitful side nodded, and as soon as Remus was in the room, the other side seemed to vanish.

Later that night, they were setting up the table. Roman stared at the table. A couple seats were empty. Not enough people to fill them up. he stood still for a couple seconds too long. Logan and Patton who had been cooking and were just beginning to put the food on the table looked between each other with worried looks. “are you okay roman?” “yes, I was just wondering if we could perhaps invite our resident snake?” their shocked looks didn’t go unnoticed. “you two have talked then,” Logan stated, getting a nod in response. “very well the, go quickly,”

Roman excitedly made his way down the halls of the mind palace. He didn’t forget where the door was. He remembered when he was younger, he used to sneak here to play with Remus.

Then the door was there. The door had changed. Instead of three different coloured glass panes there was only one.

He quickly knocked on the door. It opened a couple seconds later with Janus standing looking confused at the other. Mildly confused as he was grinning.

“I am here to invite you to dinner my good sir,” roman said as he outstretched his hand. “do the other know you’re here?” “Logan and Patton do, if that’s what you mean,” “fine, but I can leave if I want to,” he took the others hand.

The walk was silent. The noise from the kitchen getting louder. He could feel deceit start to freeze up. he gave a quick squeeze as they continued on walking.

They arrived there sooner than they imagined. Patton noting deceit gave quick wave, Logan did the same and gestured for them to sit. the previous dark sides hadn’t been facing the two so when they turned to see the scales of the other, they immediately went silent watching his every move.

Janus sat down in an empty seat next to Logan, but opposite to roman. The ex-darks only sent sharp glares to the scaled one.

The dinner was quiet, no one spoke, the tension thick enough to be cut with a knife. Eventually Janus stood up, he gave a quick goodbye before he left. Virgil let out a sigh of relief as he left the room. Remus relaxed as well. Logan looked at roman with the same expression with one another. The plate that Janus had been eating from was barely halfway eaten.

The two seemed to have a small eye discussion before Logan stood up and left as well.

The day went on semi normal from then on. Roman glanced back to where the logical side had disappeared.

It was the next day that he saw the logical side, he was sitting in the kitchen once again. A book he hadn’t seen before in his hands. The words were covered but he did manage to find a name ‘the maze runner’.

He wasn’t normally up this early, Patton would be up before hand most days, but occasionally this ended up happening.

Thomas was the next. This day was different than normal. He had meant to go on a date. But when he had arrived there was no one there, two hours later and no one had arrived.

So now he was sitting in the living room watching steven universe trying to ignore the feelings that were creeping up on him. so he was rather surprised when he felt a weight sit down next to him. He had thought it was Patton so he didn’t really mind. But if had turned to look he would have seen a figure in a black wonzie.

He was just staring at the screen, not really watching. He felt and arm wrap around him and the figure pulled him close to their chest. His eyes felt heavy as he leaned into the soft comfort of whoever I was. soon he was fast asleep.

When he woke up, he was still lying on the sofa. It was then that he realised there was someone he was using as a warm pillow. as he cracked his eyes open, he tilted his head up to meet the face of a sleeping snake boi. to say he was surprised was an understatement, but he didn’t move in fear of waking the other side up accidentally. Thus, he stayed unmoving for another thirty minutes. it was when he felt the other shift did, he realise the other had begun to slowly wake up. Thomas sat upright to give the other some space. it was then that he realised the other was waring a wonzie as well. A toothless one that seemed to be one size to big. he smiled as the other muttered a quick good morning.

“how long were you there Janus?” Thomas asked. “since last night, you were unknowingly lying to yourself and summoned me,” he yawned. “oh sorry for that then,” “no need, I wasn’t really doing much in the first place.”

Thomas stood up and clambered over to the kitchen and took two bowls out of the coubard. When he turned to ask the other what he wanted, he found no one there. he looked at where the other had previously been and began to worry. A small part wondering what the other was planning… but another part happy that he had been there for him. maybe in the future he could repay that.

Remus… oh how he missed his friend. He was angry at himself for messing up what once had been a chaotic friendship. he knew his words would have an effect on the other the moment he would hear the words that had been spat like venom.

Virgil, he wouldn’t be surprised if his mother and son relationship had been torn beyond repair. He missed his dark shadow. Wished he could take those words back from their final meeting. But alas, the other wouldn’t even bat an eye in his direction anymore.

And that’s how he found himself curled up on his bed crying silent tears. He had been doing this well… it was the only thing he could do. He barely had anyone. The light sides were only just warming up to him along with Thomas. and yet his room unlike the others stayed still. And he knew why.

Virgil and Remus, they believed that the others had accepted them. They knew they had been.

Janus knew he wouldn’t be. No matter what was spoken. No matter who said the words. He was deceit. Lying was always wrong. His scales were hated. He was hated.

Then the tug. That tug he had never felt before but Virgil had described it long ago. he was being summoned. He ignored it. He wasn’t wanted. They were just going to throw his ideas to the ground and say he was lying.

Then the tug came back a little stronger. And again, and again.

He tried his best to compose himself as Soon he couldn’t block the feeling anymore and could feel himself being pulled into the real world. He appeared in a spot next to the stairs. Logan was next to him looking at the other with a slight worried look. One you’d find if you payed close attention.

He took a deep breath before it hitched as he looked around the room. Everyone was looking at him. “may I ask why you weren’t so insistent on summoning me?” he said. “we were wondering if you were okay, we hadn’t seen you in a while and we were getting concerned,” Thomas stated, worry laced in his voice. “I’m fine, I assure you,” Janus said staring at the other.

“see I told you snake face was fine,” grumbled Virgil on the stairs. Janus winced at the harsh words. They had all seen it however, the small flinch as Virgil verbally attacked his scales.

“Janus?” Patton mumbled. “I’m FINE.”

Everyone looked wide eyed at the others outburst. Even Remus and Virgil. It wasn’t often they had seen this type of emotion coming off the other. Virgil could feel the intense spark of anxiety that had filled him as he spoke.

Remus heard his thoughts. His mother figure… god if he could stab everyone other than Janus then he definitely would.

Patton could feel the sadness roll of him the moment he had appeared. But now it was so visible it made him take a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding.

Logan looked at the other with wide eyes. Not expecting the only other functioning braincell to have such an outburst.

Roman just felt guilt. He knew that this was long overdue. He knew the other wasn’t fine. He knew how easy it was to hide under a facade of fake emotion. That sooner or later it would overwhelm.

“I’m sorry,” Janus whispered. he had begun to sink down when I hand caught his arm. His eyes snapped to see the logical side before being pulled into a hug by him. His embrace was tight. Janus only cried at the warmth and comfort of the other. then he could feel another join. He didn’t look up. but only cried harder. He hugged Logan back ad best as he could.

Soon he was sure that a couple more had joined in the cuddle pile.

His eyes were heavy, but he was waking up? his eyes opened, he was sandwiched between Logan and Virgil. The ex-dark had his head tucked in the crook of his neck. Logan had an arm wrapped around his waist.

Patton and roman were on the other side of the couch. Thomas was lying with his head in Patton’s lap. Remus was spread like a starfish on the floor.

He mentally freaked out for one or two minuets before the events of yesterday came pooling into his mind. ah, they had fallen asleep watching how to train your dragon.

Everyone else was still asleep. And he knew he couldn’t move. But one thing had crossed his mind. A happy thought he hadn’t been able to think in months. was he accepted? Well, he would wait for now.

And if later he had gone back into his room and open his door, he would find a hall filled with other multi coloured doors. Well, he would smile wide and join the others for breakfast and attempt to strike a conversation with Logan, and it would lead to Virgil and Remus laughing so hard that they would fall to the ground in tears. Patton and roman would only look on in confusion. But they would still be smiling.

After all their famILY was complete.

#Janus sanders #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #remus sanders #Virgil sanders #patton sanders #angst #janus angst #i need a nap #please enjoy #hello there #dark sides #light side

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manuelmueller · 5 years

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so I have tried starting to write the Witcher fic I have had in my mind for a couple of days, but I have no idea how I’m doing, so … if anyone has some feedback for me, that would make me very happy ^^ fyi, I’m not a native speaker, it’s my first time writing fantasy and this fandom and I’ve only seen the show. This is gonna be Geraskier eventually, as well as many dad!Geralt feels

more under the cut … oh god im nervous

The days are getting shorter again and the dry leaves underneath Roach’s hooves rustle as the sun casts long shadows over her two riders.

Ciri is sitting behind Geralt. She’s been coughing for three days, and Geralt knows that he should take her to see a healer sooner rather than later, but they’ve been too far away from any village where he’d have been able to find someone, and coin is sparse at this time of the year. Also, it’s not safe for him to take Ciri to an inn either right now, especially because they picked up a rumor of Nilfgaardian spies roaming the lands only a week ago, but with her illness only getting worse, he fears he doesn’t really have a choice anymore.

It’s maybe another mile until the next village. The alderman apparently has a contract for Geralt, too, so this is probably the best they can get.

Ciri looks at him with questioning eyes when he slides off the saddle, taking Roach’s reins, guiding her through the surprisingly busy marketplace. His medallion is hidden underneath his coat, but still, his broad figure and the few strands of Ciri’s ashen hair peeking out from underneath her hood draw more than enough looks on their own.

The inn is small, but not the shabbiest one they’ve stayed in, the few times he dared to trade the saftey of the darkness of the woods for a creaking bed and mushy stew, and the innkeeper’s face is kind when he walks up to the counter. She’s a burly woman, with red curls twisting out from underneath her bonnet, who eyes him up critically, as if she doesn’t deem him suitable as a caretaker of a little girl.

Reluctantly, Geralt tries to put on his warmest smile.

“A room for me and my daughter. Two beds, for one night, maybe two. I can pay half of it in advance, you’ll get the rest tomorrow.” Hopefully, he adds in his mind.

Ciri coughs again.

The innkeeper tilts her head. “Have you taken her to a healer yet?”

Geralt shakes his head. “No.” There is no way to pay for one, not before this contract is done – and the only mage who would possibly, maybe, treat her for free, has seemingly disappeared for the face of the earth ever since the Battle of Sodden.

Maybe.

The innkeeper scoffs, looking at Ciri, who avoids looking into her eyes, having become careful when she was on the run, mistrusting of strangers. Mistrusting of anyone who isn’t Geralt.

“Our Nara is no healer, but she knows a thing or two about how to get rid of the unwanted spirits of the cold season. You should take your daughter to see her. If you chop some wood in return, she might even do it for free. Life has been hard enough for her since her husband died with the last frost.”

She turns around, then, but Geralt can’t stop the grateful nod either way.

The room is small, but it has two beds like Geralt asked for, and they don’t look like they’ll crumble into dust the second you lie down on them. One corner smells faintly like dried piss, but he’s sure that with her dull human nose, Ciri won’t be able to pick up on it.

She looks almost a bit lost, sitting down on one of the beds, hands clenched around the bedframe, small and frail. She’s not as helpless as she looks, of course, Geralt is well aware – he’s seen her mother’s power, has only had a taste of Ciri’s own – but in the end, she’s still just a little girl.

His little girl.

He still doesn’t understand it, where it came from, this sudden, fierce fondness he feels for her. He frowns at the thought that everyone might have been right, that it was destiny – no, it’s just the fact that he’s her only protection. And knows there’s no hiding from his child surprise anymore, knows that he wouldn’t want to.

No, he just wants to keep her safe.

They’ve been travelling together for over a month now, and Geralt is still not really sure what to make of it.

He likes her, he’s sure of that, likes her very much even, with her sharp wit, her alert eyes and all the grace and power one would expect from Queen Calanthe’s granddaughter. He’s not too sure if she likes him.

She doesn’t talk a lot, not nearly enough as his previous travel companion – and that’s a thought Geralt forcefully pushes the side as soon as it appears, the wound of his own making still too fresh, even after five years – but after riding in silence for almost a week, she’d started filling in the gaps, recounting her own memories of the fall of Cintra, her months in the woods, sometimes she even talking about her growing up. Also, she asks Geralt questions. A lot of them. It started with “who’s Yennefer?”, of course, but that was hardly the end of it.

#the witcher fanfiction #geraskier #my writing #how do i tag #also sorry for the abrupt ending #im tired jkasha #this will go on ao3 if it becomes a thing!

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itsreallylaterightnow · 5 years

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When I Was Older (Irondad Fic Exchange 2019)

-Summary:

Peter Parker never thought that something like this would be a problem, he always imagined with the spider-bite came a sort of overall health and wellness... well besides being shot at constantly. So when this terrible illness bites down on him suddenly, how will it effect the few days he has left?

Peter Parker contracts an illness that he has never heard of then learns that it has no known cure... will he lose his mind before getting the chance to say goodbye to the ones he loves?

Notes:

AHH! I am so ecstatic for this!! I worked so hard on this, and I am very very proud of this work and I hope that elevators_not_worthy enjoys this work! I chose her, Author's Choice prompt and came up with this guy! It was a labor of love and I cannot thank @justme--Emily & @seek-rest enough for taking the time to Beta read this work and help me round it out!

Warnings: This is a very sad fic, but no MCD! It is disorienting and could be upsetting to people. No major panic attacks or anything of the sort, just know that it is a bit intense!

Also, shoutout to @irondad-fic-exchange for helping this writer with the computer parts of posting this (I may be a millennial and I may be on my computer all the time but Im so bad with them)

**Tags: ** @irondad-fic-exchange @unfathomable-universe

Please enjoy!

Peter smiled at MJ across the lunch table, tossing a potato chip at her. Her hair was loose around her face today, and he thought it made her look exceptional.

“Eat your lunch, loser. We only have five minutes before class.” She said, looking back down at her book.

He glanced down at his plate, frowning at the half-eaten sandwich. He hadn’t been hungry for several days, he’d still been forcing himself to eat, but it hadn’t been much. He had hypothesized that his body was finally watering down the spider bite’s crazy side-affect that had him eating like an elephant every day.

The bell rang and the Ned, Betty, and MJ all headed in different directions. Peter waved them all off and stood up himself. His feet led him down the tiled floors of the cafeteria. He stepped into the hallway, about to head to his class. It was time for… Peter stopped, staring at the floor. What class was he going to? He racked his brain, thinking as hard as he could to no avail. He shook his head, remembering that he had read that doorways cause you to lose your train of thought. But it was March of his senior year of high school, he should remember what class came after his lunch period.

A laugh shook him from his stupor, Olivia Yung grabbed shoved his arm, a smile on her face. “Come on, Parker! We’re going to be late to Western Civ! You don’t even have your notebook, geez! You Americans! Come on, you can borrow a piece of paper and pen from me. We have a quiz on Thursday, you better start taking some good notes!” She tugged him along, and Peter shook his head. Olivia was really nice. She was a genius Foreign exchange student and had quickly joined the Decathlon. MJ and her really got along on account of Olivia was obsessed with politics and her and Michelle could talk about current events for hours.

Peter sat down in class, a bit shaken from the weird memory lapse thing, but he just pushed it away, and began to take good notes. Mr. Harrington wasn’t the best chaperon, but he was pretty good at teaching. So good that Peter struggled to keep up with the points the man was making about the reformation. Peter looked up at the projection and paused. There was a misspelled word on the board. He stopped, furrowing his brows. He looked around, why was no one else noticing this? The word wasn’t even a real one, why would Harrington put it up? Peter looked down at his paper, then looked back up. He dropped his pencil while he re-read the sentence. It said, “Martin Luther posted the 95 These on the Wittenberg church.” The word Peter hadn’t been able to place was _church. _How the hell had he been so confused about that? Peter shook his head. This was getting a bit too weird for his liking. But he figured he would talk to Mr. Stark about it that afternoon at the internship.

Peter got in the car with Happy, but the man was on a business call, so he had the partition up. Peter pulled his mask out of his bag and slipped on over his head. “Hello, Mr. Parker.”

“Hey, Karen. Weird question for you.” He said.

“Anything that I can answer I will.” She responded.

“Um, have I hit my head recently on patrol?” Peter leaned back and waited, already knowing the answer, but needing to double check.

“I have no record of you hitting your head recently. I am automatically required to alert Mr. Stark of any and all head injuries upon incident. I have not alerted him in exactly three weeks, and last time you hit your head it was nothing but a migraine inducer.” Peter gnawed on his lip, trying to come up with a reason behind the strange things that had gone down earlier in his day.

“No reason, K.” And he pulled the mask off. He hadn’t gotten much sleep that night, maybe that was it. Peter closed his eyes. With the New York traffic, they’d be at least another forty-five minutes to the tower. His last thought was _that’s just enough time to take a nap. _

It had been three hours that Peter and Tony had been in the lab when Mr. Stark turned to Peter with a look of annoying amusement on his face.

“Kid, you’ve been tapping your fingers on the table for the last ten minutes and if you don’t stop, I’m going to absolutely rampage.” Peter looked up, and smirked.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry Mr. Stark.” He stopped his fingers, a bit confused as to how long he had been tapping them anyways. Truth was, Peter could care less about the work in front of him. He and Mr. Stark had been doing updates to FRIDAY, and Peter’s attention span had been waning for the last hour and a half.

Peter rolled his neck, the muscles in his back stiff as he looked at the clock. He still had three more hours of time in here. Normally it was too short of a time with Tony in Peter’s eyes, but right now, he just wanted to lay down.

He cried out suddenly, dropping the pen he was holding. “What the heck?” He blurted, short gasps of air coming from his mouth as his arm locked up.

Tony looked over at Peter, concern in his eyes. “What’s up kid?” Peter hunched over, laughing through the pain.

“My arm is like- ow- spazzing!” He laughed through the pain, it didn’t hurt enough for him to scream, it felt like the one time on patrol when he had been shocked with a woman’s stun-gun when she thought he was trying to grab her. It didn’t necessarily hurt, just locked his joints up a bit. Tony just rolled his eyes and went back to work.

Peter spent the night at the tower. It was Friday night, and May was on a weekend shift. Peter would normally either stay with Ned or Tony on these weekends, and Ned had called Peter saying he had come down with a cold. So, Stark tower it was. He sat opposite of Steve and Bucky who were watching the newest Yankees game. Peter felt exhaustion pulling at his eyes, but he forced himself to look back down at the homework he had been working on. Tony was on some conference call that Pepper had forced him to take, and he could hear Clint and Nat in the kitchen arguing about how to properly cook spaghetti while Wanda just laughed.

The Avengers floor had a large commons area. There was the television, kitchen, dining area and a couple of video games. It was a flat and open space. It had two sides to it. The left side led to the bathrooms, and training area. The right side led to all of the bedrooms. Tony had offered to put Peter on his private floor, but Peter just shook his head. He liked being a part of the team like that.

As the night wore on Tony and Pepper filled into the commons room. Clint had ruined the Spaghetti, don’t even ask Peter how because he didn’t know that was possible. So Tony had grumbled and ordered pizza from the nearest store.

Peter looked at the food on his plate and sighed, his appetite still completely gone. He forced himself to take a couple of bites before he set it down, wincing at the tightness in his jaw. He began to tap his fingers on his leg, there was an itch in the back of his mind like his hand was being forced to move. Peter watched the movie in front of them. Wanda had gotten to choose tonight, and she had wanted to watch Chasing Mavericks. It was a movie Peter had never seen, but so far, he had kind of liked it. It was about this guy that, against the bad hand the world had dealt him, had found a father figure to replace the lack of his own. The older man, Frosty, took Jay under his wing, teaching him how to not only surf some of the largest and most dangerous waves in the world, but also how to be a better man.

Peter couldn’t keep his eyes from flicking over to look at Mr. Stark. The older man had Peter’s feet laid over her legs, an arm around Pepper and a pen twirled in his fingers. As Peter watched the movie, seeing as Frosty lost his wife, and Jay helped him back from his guilt and grief, he felt every emotion that the characters felt. He saw as Frosty watched, heart in his throat, as Jay almost died surfing the mavericks. Then, the pain in Frosty’s eyes when Jay did die, taken too soon by his own drive for greatness.

The movie ended, and Peter saw Tony, wiping his eyes as he leaned back. Natasha had passed out, sitting with her back up against Bucky’s legs. Bucky and Steve had been squished onto the couch together, looking a bit uncomfortable but relaxed, nonetheless. Clint had fallen asleep with his head on Bruce’s shoulder, who in turn had his chin on Clint’s head. The two would freak when they saw woke up.

Peter went to sit up and frowned at the tightness in his limbs. He felt like his joints had been bolted together and were unable to bend. Peter cracked his jaw and rolled his shoulder. He was still a bit too emotional from the movie to talk, so he stood up and sighed.

“See you tomorrow, kiddo. I was thinking that we could just have a lazy day at home. Watch some movies, fool around in the lab. The works.” Tony said as he helped pull an exhausted looking Pepper to her feet.

“Great sounds, Mr. Stark.” Peter turned to go to his room, stopping at Tony’s chuckle.

“Yeah, you do need to go to bed if you’re talking like that, Pete. G’night.” Peter didn’t know what the older man was talking about, so he just continued walking towards his room.

And with that, the boy made his way stiffly to his room, fumbling for the king-sized bed and essentially collapsing onto it. School and patrol had really been kicking his butt recently. It had totally zapped his energy, so he was pretty glad to be able to just relax this weekend. Peter closed his eyes, and that was it.

After the weekend at the tower Peter had finally felt rested. He went to school on Monday happy as could be to be there. Then of course it all went to hell. He had been having a fine weekend. His memory had been a little short, and he kept getting his words mixed up, but Peter had just attributed it to him having been so tired. And, no one had seemed to notice so it wasn’t a big deal anyways.

He was at Decathlon practice when it happened. Peter had been sitting beside Flash and Betty, answering question after question when there was a strange _popping _sensation in the back of his head. Peter sat up a bit straighter, but he just ignored it, waiting for the next question.

“Uh- Peter?” He looked up to where MJ was standing with the flashcards in her hands, a strange expression on her normally straight-laced face.

That’s when he heard the dripping noise and felt liquid on his mouth. Peter put his hand up to his nose and pulled it away. More shocked and annoyed by the sight of the bright red liquid than anything. That’s when he noticed that it wasn’t just dripping, his nose was pouring blood.

Peter pulled his jacket off, holding it up to his nose as he pushed his seat back clumsily.

“Mr. Parker, do you need to go to the nurse?” Harrington asked in his normally panicked voice. “No, I-I’m…” He frowned, completely losing his train of thought as the jacket in his hand kept getting wetter under his nose.. “Bathroom, I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

He pushed past the others, bending his knee in annoyance at the stiffness it held. It made him think of his old bike. The kickstand had been rusted, so he could flip it down easily enough, but whenever he tried to pop it back up it would just stick down, aching and squealing in protest as he forced it upwards.

Peter walked, albeit gimpily to the bathroom. He opened the door and stepped into the fluorescently lit room.

And his mind blanked. Why was he in the bathroom? Why was his hand pressed to his face? And why on earth did it feel so sticky? Peter turned to leave, pulling the jacket away from his nose when he stopped. His nose was bleeding? When did his nose start bleeding? It didn’t feel like he had gotten punched and he was still at school, so he shouldn’t be having any injuries from school.

Peter grabbed a couple of paper towels and bent over the sink. He closed his eyes, waiting for the bleeding to stop. It just continued gushing, running down the sink. He breathed out, praying it would stop soon.

“Peter!” Ned’s voice had Peter snapping his head up. He opened his eyes and looked at his friend, his head pounding. When he looked at himself in the mirror he stopped. Under his nose was a smear of dried blood, and there was a deep red mark on his forehead from where he had been leaning against the edge of the sink.

“What, jeez, Ned! Don’t scream at me like that, you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

“Dude, you’re Spiderman and me saying your name is going to do you in?” He said in a voice that made Peter pause. Ned had this tone to his voice that he only got when he was freaked out about something.

“Ned!” Peter looked around in wild panic as he dampened some paper towels to wipe the blood from his face. “Someone is going to hear you!” Ned just looked at him. His friend’s face was completely slack and dumbfounded.

“Peter… it’s been two hours! Tony called me, and I told him you had to have goen home because you never came back to practice! I thought you’d gone home after the whole nosebleed thing. Then- then I just come in here to pee before I go home and you’re just like- dude, you were in some freaky trance! Eyes closed, bent over the sink! Are you okay? Is this, should we like, call Mr. Stark about this?” Ned asked so many questions that he just frowned.

“No, no I’m ok, Ned. I think- I think I’m just tired. I need to go, ok?” Ned just watched as Peter pushed past him. “I’m fine, really! I’ll see you tomorrow!” He said, bringing his hand up to his jaw as he began to rub it again. God, his bones felt so stiff.

Peter stepped outside and pulled his phone into his hand. His heart plummeted. Twelve missed texts from Tony! He was so dead!

Hey kid, you still coming to work on the new update for Karen today?

_ _

_ Yo- you ignoring your old man now? I’m completely offended._

_ _

_ Blink once if you are in trouble. _

_ _

_ Peter, kid? You’re friend Ned said you left to go home? Everything peachy clean?_

_ _

_ Alright, I’m kind of panicking. Please call me. _

_ _

_ Now._

_ _

_ Kid, I mean it. Like NOW!_

_ _

_ Ok, your phone is saying it has no signal. _

_ _

_ So help me GOD if you turned off your tracking again_

_ _

_ PETER!_

_ _

_ Alright, I’m sending the avenger’s out now. _

_ _

_ Call me!_

_ _

_ _He didn’t get service in the bathroom he had been in, and Peter hit the call button. One ring later and Tony was yelling in his ear.

“Mr. Stark.” He winced again, pulling the phone from his ear. Something was wrong. He couldn’t think. Peter looked around him and stopped. He was in front of some massive building. He could see a football field and stairs. The building behind him looked somewhat like a prison as Peter turned in a circle. “I’m-” He lost the word for it. “I don’t k- I can’t think!” He finally forced out of his increasingly uncomfortable mouth, rubbing his jaw once more.

“Ok, your tracking is on now.” Tony’s voice was deadly serious as he picked up the predicament his kid was in. “Your friend said he found you bent over the bathroom sink, Bucky is closest to you, but I’m on my way.”

Peter wanted to speak, but he was hit by a wall of fatigue. He heard someone calling his name, but his phone clattered to the ground as his hand fell limp at his side. He felt like a puppet whose strings had been completely cut.

He swayed. Peter heard yelling, but he couldn’t comprehend the words. He was exhausted, feeling as though he had been running for three hours.

He fell. Unable to hold himself up on his shaking knees anymore. Then he felt arms on his,

lowering him to the ground.

“Hey, woah- woah kid. Hang on, Tony’s almost here. Geez, what did you smoke?” He heard Bucky above him, and Peter could feel as the ex-assassin sat him up, leaning Peter back against his chest to keep him supported.

“I- Buck- I can’t think- I don’t. Working, words aren’t.” He could feel the man looking at him, but Peter just wanted help. He was so confused, and nothing was making sense. And what was this happening to him?

He heard the sound of repulsors and felt more hands on him then Tony’s worry ridden face was in front of him.

“Kid, what’s going on?” It was then that Peter realized he was crying.

“I don’t- Tony- I can’t- I can’t- I can’t-” The older man held his hand out, eyebrows creased heavily.

“Okay, alright. Brucy is waiting on us at the tower, and he’s going to get you all figured out. I swear, if you have alcohol in your system, I’m going to lose it.” Tony’s voice was deadly serious, but Peter knew he was just teasing to work through the anxiety he was feeling.

“Where- where- are? Where am I?” He stuttered out, looking around, his eyes doing everything they could to put two and two together.

Tony jerked his head to look at Bucky, he was still holding Peter’s limp head up. “Did he hit his head?”

“No, I caught him when he fell. I looked, no dilated pupils or bumps on the skull. I have no clue what’s going on.” He said, concern evident in his voice.

“Kid, we’re at Midtown right now.” Peter blinked. Midtown. That was his school. Terror began to grip at his heart and Peter looked around him. He had walked these sidewalks for years. He had been going to midtown for four years, and now he couldn’t even recognize where he was.

“What’s wrong with me?” He whispered. Saying it so quietly that only Tony heard. The man bent down, hands around Peter’s face, looking him dead in the eye.

“I don’t know, buddy. But I am going to figure it out, okay. You just relax. We are going to get everything taken care of.” Peter just stared at him; eyes wide. Tony then stood up, one hand on Peter’s bicep and one on his forearm. Bucky also shifted around, doing the same on Peter’s left side. He was completely limp, muscles absolutely exhausted as he was pulled up. Peter’s legs were completely straight as he stood. Bucky and Tony were the only reason he wasn’t falling flat on his face.

“Think you can walk, Kid?” Bucky asked from next to him. Peter grunted, moving his legs forward carefully. It was like he was being forced to walk through a mud pit, his limbs feeling as though they weighed thousands of pounds. He could see the car pulling up, a worried Steve and Clint watching him from the front seats. They leapt out, opening the door closest to the trio.

“Hey, kid. You’re looking like you had a bit too much to drink.” Clint quipped as he helped bend Peter’s knees to get him into the seat, but Peter knew he was terrified. The more time you spent with Clint, the more you realized that his humor covered up all other emotions that he felt. Bucky slipped to the other side of the car, helping to pull Peter through.

He leaned his head back, sinking into the leather seats as Tony and Bucky supported him on both sides, hands hovering as they wondered what to do. Suddenly a sharp pain jabbed into his thigh. Peter cried out, hunching over. Hands were on him immediately, sitting him back as he continued to cry out.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked from the driver’s seat. Tony and Bucky were bracing Peter back, holding him up against the seat as he continued to squirm in pain.

“I don’t know, just get us to Bruce!” Tony kind of yelled, the team just knew that whenever someone Tony loved was in harm’s way, he got like this. Tense, agitated, and quick to snap. But, no one cared. They all knew that it was only because he cared so deeply and couldn’t stand to see anyone he loved in pain. Strangled cries came from Peter’s mouth, and a hand quickly cupped the back of his head.

“Kid, we are going to get all of this figured out. Hang on for us, alright? I think you’re having a muscle spasm right now, good ole’ Charly Horse, yeah? No big deal, guys that play football get em’ all the time. They hurt like a bitch, but just try and relax.” Bucky said as Peter just let his head go limp. He was so, so tired, everything around him seeming to sap every ounce of energy he had.

“That’s a good idea. Kid, just try and close your eyes and relax, alright?” Peter grunted, whether in agreement or agitation he didn’t know. His eyes closed, but his mind stayed awake.

The conversations making less and less sense to him as he drifted somewhere else.

“I don’t know what this is.” A panicked voice started. “He’s been acting weird the past couple of weeks, losing his train of thought and stuff but, God, this? He just, he seems completely out of it. He didn’t know where we were, and I- God, if I didn’t know better it seems like the same thing that happened to my grandmother.” Tony said from beside him. Peter listened, but he didn’t hear.

“Like what?” Steve asked from the front.

“Like- I hate to say this…” Tony paused, obviously deep in thought. “It’s like Alzheimer’s”

Peter woke up to Bucky and Tony pulling him carefully from the car. Natasha was holding a wheelchair in place, her normally placate face creased with worry at the sight of the teen who could hardly stand on his own. It as something straight from a nightmare.

“Bruce is getting a room prepped for him. He wants to start him on an MRI scan first.” Her flat tone said, but her hand found Peter’s face and she gave him a soft stroke.

“Can- can you guys, s-s-s…. quit talking about me. Like I’m not h- like I’m not here.” Every word felt like a struggle to get out. It was like his tongue had been twisted and tied and his brain was doing flips in his head. Like reaching into a bowl of random words, looking for one specific one. Natasha bends down at this as the men get Peter settled into the wheelchair.

“Kid don’t worry. Bruce and Cho are the best out there, you know that. Whatever is going on with you, we will get it figured out.” Peter rarely saw Natasha look anything other than stone-faced, but right now, her eyes had an air of concern and gentleness that soothed his soul. He relaxed as he was wheeled into the tower.

“How are you feeling, Pete?” Bruce asked when they made it to the med bay. The man looked concerned, but calm as Peter was helped to sit on the reclined hospital bed.

“I don’t- I can’t- it’s…” He stopped, taking a deep breath. He couldn’t think. And he was going to go crazy. Before he realized what, he had done, Peter’s phone was laying on the floor, a mirage of broken glass.

“Alright, alright. Listen, you just relax. We are going to take an MRI, I think it’s possible that you hit your head, and this is just a severe concussion, alright? I’m going to get this done as quickly as possible, you just relax. If you get uncomfortable or feel off just let me know.” Peter just nodded, his eyes hot with tears, finding Tony’s as the man stared at him with worry creasing his features.

“M-m-may?” Peter stuttered out. Tony nodded, understanding completely.

“Yeah, I know. I want to wait and see what Bruce says. She’s going to be sleeping right now. Once he lets us know what’s going on, we will give her a call.” Tony ruffled Peter’s hair as one of the nurse’s brought him a hospital gown.

“I don’t think.” His voice stuttered. “I can’t do it a- a- by myself.” Tony, sad eyes and firm lined mouth, nodded.

“I know. I’ve you kid. I’ve got you.”

The MRI was torture for Tony. He stood, watching through the one-way glass, his heart in his throat. The kid had exploded, slamming his phone into the wall on the opposite side of the room with enough force for it to completely shatter. Tony and Bruce had held a brief conversation about a sedative, but since Peter had calmed down, they’d decided to hold off.

“Tony.” Bruce’s voice was low, and he jerked his head to look at the man. Everyone else was somewhere in the tower, awaiting news. He had sent Happy to get May when Bruce relayed the fact that it would be wise. Something as serious as this, it wasn’t a physical issue. He hadn’t fallen from a building, or been slammed upside the head. This was neurological. And that was scarier than anything else that could’ve happened. Peter was laid out, looking utterly too still as he stared at the white machine above him.

“Bruce.” Tony’s voice wavered, completely uncertain, and painstakingly terrified. He had risked everything; the team had risked _everything _for that kid. To stop Thanos, to save that boy. That boy who looked completely horrified and unaware of his body. Who was moving like an elderly person, whose brain could hardly place a thought. Tony could not lose him. Tony would _not _lose him. Not now, not ever.

“I think we need to sit down.” Bruce said gravely. Those were the exact words he had dreaded hearing. Tony just continued to stare at the man. Bruce, who was hiding behind his glasses, his face white as a sheet. And Tony suddenly felt the urge to vomit.

“Tell me.” He said, unable to say anything more without his voice breaking.

“Let’s si-”

“_Bruce.” _He said forcibly.

“It’s, God, Tony it looks like…” He paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes. He looked

as though he were about to drop to the floor. “It doesn’t make sense, but it looks like- Frontotemporal Dementia.” His voice was a hush, hardly a whisper, but Tony just stared at him like he was a foreign language.

“_Dementia? _Bruce, he-he’s eighteen. He doesn’t have Dementia!” Tony exclaimed, throwing his hands. Because no matter how much he argued the point, it wouldn’t matter. Because Bruce wouldn’t have said that if it couldn’t happen.

“It’s rare, Tones. But, it’s the only type of Dementia that can affect young people, and… Tony I think that the advancement that the spider bite gave him… I think that it is working against him and speeding up the process. His symptoms started until last week, and it just doesn’t move this fast.” Bruce gestured to the kid. “This is- it’s moving too fast.” Tony took a deep breath, feeling as though he was underwater.

“What’s going to happen?” His voice was deathly low, but Bruce heard.

“It looks to be in a more advanced place. He’s going to have problems holding things, moving, walking. We need to be careful and watch that he doesn’t fall. It will become hard for him to eat, and drink, his muscles essentially will start cramping or seizing up, he won’t be able to move. He… it’s not fatal in itself. But, God-” Bruce’s head fell into his hands. “There’s essentially no way to keep him from getting pneumonia. He will stop being able to move, and when the body lays in one position like that, it just- it’s not good.” And Tony felt like he was dying. Right then and right there. And he grabbed Bruce’s arm, because he couldn’t stand up.

“Tony, I need you to breathe.” Bruce’s voice filled his brain as Tony sank against the wall.

“I can’t- Bruce- I can’t lose him.” Bruce kneeled in front of Tony.

“I will figure this out. Be there for him. Don’t act like he’s dumb or missing something. Treat him as normally as you can. I want him to stay on the Floor with everyone until… as long as he can.” Bruce grimaced as he stood up. “I’m going to give you a minute, and I’m going to go

talk to Peter. Talk to his aunt. I won’t stop until I can find a way to fix this.”

There were tears and denial from everyone. Peter didn’t understand half of what Bruce told him; he just knew that whatever was going on was bad. It was bad for him, and everyone around him was upset. Bruce promised to not stop trying. Whatever that meant.

May was there. She was crying and kept holding his head to her chest. Peter was sat on the couch with a blanket up to his chest. Tony was standing in the kitchen, and he had been looking down at the same cup of coffee for the past twenty minutes. Peter blinked heavily, his head dropping towards his chest.

“Why don’t you take a nap, Pete?” May’s voice was soft as she played with his hair. Peter did feel exhausted. He leaned his head against her arm.

“It’s like-like a …” He couldn’t think.

“It’s okay, just relax right now, baby.”

“It’s like a storm.” He muttered. May tilted her head, looking at him with tears rimming her eyes.

“What?” His eyes were closed as he released a deep breath. He felt Tony’s hand on his hair, and he sighed.

“This. ‘s like a storm.”

It only got worse. Tony had called in every single doctor he could think of. He had called in Cho, Strange, even doctors from Thor’s world. No one could find a cure. Tony was sat with Peter today. May had a double shift at the hospital, and he had Peter duty. The kid was staring at the television. Nothing hurt Tony more than the silence from his kid. Peter had always been the chipper, chatting one. He was the one that was talking when Tony had been anxious or stressed about something. Now, Peter hardly spoke. The dementia was progressing faster than any of them had been ready for. The kid could hardly speak without stuttering. He was constantly confused, and he could hardly eat or drink anything, choking to the point that they had put in a feeding tube and he was now connected to an IV of fluids at all times.

Tony looked at the kid, biting his lip as he bent his head, doing everything he could to hold back a sob. Peter’s face was void of any emotion as he sat, and Tony couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed an ounce of recognition, a hint of a smile.

“Hey, Pete. Do you want to go outside? I’ll take you for a stroll?” Peter made eye contact with Tony before offering a stiff nod. “Alright. Let me grab you a jacket and the wheelchair.” Peter just stared back at the television as Tony pushed himself off the couch. The kid hadn’t been able to eat much before the feeding tube, and even with it he was losing weight, which meant he was always freezing. As Tony walked from the hallway with the items, he needed his heart dropped.

“Pete!” He raced forward, the teen lying face down on the ground, trying and failing to push himself up, the IV had been ripped from his arm. Tony grabbed him and got him in a sitting position. “Are you hurt?” The boy just stared at him; no recognition is his eyes. Tony felt his blood running cold. “Peter, are you hurt?” He pronounced each word very bluntly, but the boy shook his head, his body shaking slightly.

“Need’d you.” He forced out from his locked jaw. Tony grinned, knowing it didn’t reach his eyes.

“That’s okay, kiddo. I’ve got you.” He managed to get Peter into the wheelchair, tucking the sweatshirt he grabbed, which just so happened to be his MIT one, over the boy’s head before slipping the IV back into the teen’s arm. He decided to tuck a blanket around the kid as well, making sure he stayed warm.

It was dark out, and the lights of the city blinked at the two of them. Peter’s favorite spot was on the roof, looking over New York. They hadn’t talked about spider-man since Peter got sick, but he knew the kid missed it drastically, could see it in the boy’s face.

“M’ scared.” Tony looked down, seeing tears in the kid’s eyes. He knelt next to him, touching the boy’s face gently.

“It’s going to be okay, Pete.” Heart being torn from his chest.

“Miss it.” A tear dropped down his cheek and Tony’s thumb caught it.

“I know. I know you do.” He needed a cure, God let Bruce find a cure.

“M’ lost, T’ny.” And that did it. It was a sledgehammer straight to his heart. Tony’s calloused hands cupped the teens face, and his distant eyes focused in.

“You’re not lost. It just feels like you are. Bruce isn’t- we aren’t going to let you go somewhere that we can’t follow.” Each word dripped with emotion. Peter nodded. He was more coherent right now than he had been in the past several days, and Tony was soaking it all in. He pulled the kid from the chair, sitting both of them on a couch that he had set up outside, just for these moments. He grabbed a blanket and pulled a hat on Peter’s head for him. The two sat, listening to the soft music that FRIDAY had turned on, and for a second- one split second- everything was normal.

Then Peter coughed.

Ton sat at the table of the commons room, staring at his food and trying to force himself to eat. May was with Peter and Cho, working on finding a way to bring his fever down. Let’s just say, when Peter got sick, he got sick violently. He was coughing up a lung and you could read the discomfort in every labored breath he took. What had the medical team so worried, was the levels of his fever. The kid was racked with chills, and his fever was verging on 104, and Tony ached to see the kid’s hazy eyes.

He felt a presence behind him and looked up. Helen stood, looking exhausted as she watched him.

“How is he?” Tony knew, but he still dreamed that he would ask that question and it would be, _He’s healed, Tony! _And he would never have to let the kid get out of his sight again.

“Not good.” Cho sat, sipping the tea that she held. “I don’t know how much longer he has, to be honest with you.” Tony felt his entire chest darken, running a hand over his mouth.

“How did this happen? No one in his family showed signs of it, Helen! I looked into his family’s medical records; they show nothing like this! Not a single one of them had anything close to dementia or Alzheimer’s, and I’m just supposed to expect that this is completely random?” He dropped his face into his hands.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, because nothing came of it.” Cho looked down. “When Peter first came in and we took his blood, there were… abnormalities in it. A strange chemical mixture that I couldn’t quite make out.” Tony sat up straighter. “I still have the sample, and I’ve been looking into it, but nothing has come of it. If it were-” She stopped herself looking down, and a burning anger filled his chest.

“If it were what?” She bit her lip.

“It was foul play,” and his breath was torn away from him. “then it wouldn’t matter right now, because I haven’t been able to curate a way to stop this anyways, and I’ve been trying. I had Natasha looking back to see if Peter ever got hit with any kind of dart or injected with anything, she’s been looking since he came in last week but nothing’s come up.” Tony’s hands were shaking as he watched her. “I- the pain he’s in… I need to start him on Morphine.” Tony felt his chest tightening.

“Morphine is a death sentence.” He choked out, unable to breath.

“It- it doesn’t look good. He’s in pain right now. His body is shutting down and he’s sick. I’ll give you until the end of the day, but Tony- I won’t let him suffer any longer than that.” She said firmly, as Tony stared at the wall in front of him.

“I will fund whatever you need. I will get you every scientist in the world. Get my boy back.” He stood, completely abandoning the food on the table.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got a very unlucky person out there waiting for me to hunt them down. Someone did this to my kid, I just know it. I have to find them. I have to do something.”

He took Clint, Natasha, and Bucky with him. He needed to be sure that he had a team of people willing to do whatever it took to get this son of a bitch. Tony had scoured every ounce of footage from Peter’s suit, and he had found it. There was a man that Peter had fought, of course he had won, but the man had gotten a small cut onto Peter. Of course, the kid hadn’t thought anything of it, but as Tony had FRIDAY read into who the man was, he found out that he was a scientist from OSCorp, and there was no way that he was completely innocent.

They had found his home and waited until nighttime. When they ambushed, it had only taken Natasha three and a half minutes to get the cure from him. Tony had already called SHIELD. Whenever the psycho, who said he wanted to see how Peter’s Spider DNA reacted to the Dementia, got out of the hospital, he would be in prison for a very very long time.

Tony raced back to the tower, stopping in his tracks when he heard May weeping. _I’m too late. _He thought to himself. Peter was dying a terrible, painful death, and he was too late. Bruce came sprinting around the corner, his face pale and sweating.

“Please tell me he-”

“Not yet, but God- I would never give him something like this without testing it, but we don’t have time. I just pray that it kick starts his healing factor, because. Well, I’m not going to lie to you, without it he doesn’t have long. His fever is too high and with the way his muscles are shutting down, he’s losing his ability to clear his airway by coughing. Helen’s going to administer Morphine in twenty minutes if this does nothing.” Tony gave the man the vial and followed as they raced to the room, ignoring the growing shaking of his hands.

May was weeping, Her face laying in Peter’s hand on the bed. The ventilator hissed as it did everything it could to do the job his lungs couldn’t. His face was ghastly pale, the bags under his eyes dark enough to look racoon-ish. He looked so thin, and weak. Tony hated it. He hated every second of seeing his kid look like this.

“Okay, Peter. If you can hear me, we have something to give you.” Helen said from where she entered the room behind Tony. May looked up, tear stained eyes that held a haunted hope. Because if this didn’t work- they knew the outcome.

Helen prepped the needle and walked to the port in his left arm. She bent her head down, saying a quick prayer. Tony did the same. She inserted the honey-looking liquid in. And they waited. Nothing happened.

The respirator hissed. The pulse ox beeped, dangerously low, and the heart monitor seemed to be counting down the seconds. Everything seemed to slow down drastically, as Tony rubbed his hand over the boy’s forehead, hand gripping his kid’s tightly.

Then doe brown eyes slipped open. And they held more recognition and love in them than Tony had seen in weeks. And he thought his knees would buckle.

Tony gripped the boy’s hand, staying out of Cho and Bruce’s way. They began examining him, giving him his pain medications that would work now that his metabolism was working again. The boy may at least be awake, but he was still sick. His metabolism working the way it was, had him beginning to fight the ventilator that he was on, and Tony put a placating hand on his shoulder, steadying the kid best he could. “We’ve got you Pete, we’ve got you.” He said over and over as the boy squeezed his hand, brown eyes blown wide. He knew this would be terrifying. He knew Peter would have a long road of recovering ahead of him, but they could do this.

By the time Cho and Bruce left, Peter was falling back asleep with exhaustion. The respirator would stay in until his lungs cleared, which, with his healing rates, shouldn’t take longer than a couple of days.

May had stepped out to go shower when the boy fell back asleep, Tony having promised to stay with him. He had pulled a chair closer to the teen’s bed, tucking a blanket into his lap as he waited for the boy to wake up.

“I missed you, kiddo. God, I was terrified.” He whispered as he sat, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. He hadn’t expected the kid to wake up with the amount of drugs he was on, but he felt the hand tightening around his own.

Soft brown eyes forced themselves open, and Peter was looking at him, trust filling his eyes, and Tony knew he would never again take him for granted. “Hey kid.” Peter’s hand tightened on Tony’s. The man leaned forward, shushing Peter gently as he blinked. “Just rest, Pete. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be here for the rest of your life. Whenever you need me.” Peter had tears in his eyes, and Tony just hushed him once more, running his thumb across the boy’s cheek. “You’re not lost anymore, Pete. We found you.” He closed his eyes as Tony continued playing with his hair. “We found you.”

#irondadficexchange #unfathomableuniverse #irondadficexchange2019

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bel0vedmendes · 6 years

Text

An Angel Among the Angels: Part 2

Shawn Mendes X Reader

*Part one*

Word Count: 3,066

Warnings: Language, mentions of Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

Description: Y/N is working behind the scenes at the VS Fashion Show, and Shawn has his sights set on her. She can’t believe he would even look her way, considering they're literally surrounded by Angels.

A/N: Helllllllo lovelies. I appreciate all the love I got on part 1, I hope part 2 is everything you hoped. Let me know what you think and if you want a part 3! The first part is posted on my original page ( @bel0vedbanshee). I will be posting from this account going forward. Thanks! xx

**NOT MY GIF**

We skipped over all of the awkward post first date stuff. He wasn’t one to let that happen. He was easy to talk to, and I think he felt the same about me. So that’s what we did, we talked.

Shawn was a busy boy, and I was extremely busy myself. That didn’t keep us from communicating regularly. If he wasn’t texting me, he was snapping me. If he wasn’t snapping me, he was face timing me.

“Let me see, I’m sure its not that bad.” I soothe, picking my phone up from its propped position to get a better look. Shawn takes his phone and turns the flash on, flipping the camera screen. He opens his mouth wide showing me his tonsils that he swears are swollen. I bite my bottom lip once I see that he isn’t kidding.

“See, I told you.” He rasps, flipping the camera around to selfie mode. His face being swallowed by his hoodie. I take the phone and walk to bed so that I could really pay attention to the boy through the screen.

“Im sorry you feel like shit.” I say with a baby voice, giving him a weak smile.

“Its okay, just keep me company.” He turns in bed so that he’s laying on his side. I so desperately wish I was in the bed laying next to him. I take a deep breath and glance away from the bundle of cuteness.

“So, what are you going to do about your shows?” I ask toying with the strings on my hoodie.

“I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to see just how bad it is. Hopefully I don’t have to cancel.” He mumbles, sighing once he’s done. His face is flushed and his hair is a beautiful mess.

“I… I really hate seeing you like this.” I say quietly, mimicking the way he is laying in bed.

He smiles softly, staring at me through the phone.

“I really wish you were here, Y/N.” He whispered, his face dropping the façade he had been holding up.

I just nodded, and we laid like that for almost an hour until he fell asleep. I wasn’t used to seeing him that way. Every time we had talked or face timed before he was a completely different person. He was upbeat, and flirty. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was putting on an act for me, or if it was really him. Tonight though, that was 100 percent Shawn. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he felt comfortable enough with me to be that vulnerable. It made me wonder if there was more to our relationship than flirty phone calls, and a one night rendezvous. I really hoped it was more.

_______________________________________________________________

The next morning, I headed into work early at the request of my boss. He needed to talk to me about something important. This was the same morning Shawn was going to see the doctor. We texted each other on our way to calm the nerves. I knew he didn’t want to hear that he needed a break, but deep down everyone knew he did. In the few weeks since we had seen each other it was flight after flight, show after show. He would never in a million years say that it was too much, so his body decided to make the decision for him.

Y/N: It’ll be fine, Shawn. If you’re sick and need to take a break the fans will understand okay?

Shawn: Nope, I’m not sick. I’m not even gonna think it.

Y/N: You couldn’t even talk on the phone. But… okay.

Shawn: Don’t sass me.

Y/N: Just saying, don’t stress okay?

Shawn: I wont if you don’t. Deal?

Y/N: I don’t know about that but okay. Ill text you when I’m out.

Shawn: Okay, Ill let you know when I hear something.

Y/N: good luck <3

Shawn: good luck Honey xx

Honey. I couldn’t help but melt when he used pet names. I got out of my car and walked into the building. Passing the receptionist, waving as she greeted me. Finally arriving to my Bosses office and tapping on the door before I stepped inside. He pulled himself away from his computer and hugged me as I walked inside closing the door behind him. I took a deep breath, that meant business. He ushered me to have a seat.

“So, Y/N, I just wanted to talk to you about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, how did it go?” He asked

“I feel like it went great! I was pretty nervous but everything went incredibly smooth!” I sung. I couldn’t help but sweat. I knew I did my job well, and I really couldn’t think of a reason I would be in trouble.

“I only heard amazing things about you!” He praised, pulling out a manila envelope from his desk.

“Good! I really enjoyed it!” I said, finally able to breathe again.

“We had so many people gushing about how amazing you were! Everyone from staff to models, even some of the performers!” He raves raising his eyebrows. My eyes instantly widen, wondering what Shawn could have said about me.

“That being said, I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to work our next show in Paris?” He asks, taking a plane ticket out of the envelope and sliding it across the table. I pick it up noticing that it’s for tomorrow and I would be gone for a week.

“Oh.. my god. Paris?! Are you serious!” I hold the ticket in shock

“You would leave tomorrow, that wont be a problem will it?” He smiles

“No! No, of course not. Thank you so much, this is incredible!” I take the ticket, and he gives me the entire envelope that includes all of the details I may need about the trip. He talks me through my roll, and what I can expect.

“Y/N, keep up the amazing work, I only expect great things from you.” He praises as he pulls me into a hug. I thank him a million more times before walking to my car in a complete daze. I feel my pocket vibrating and I gasp realizing Shawn had probably finished at the doctor. I sit down in my front seat, pressing the green button on my phone. A curly headed, rosy cheeked boy shows up through my screen. He was visibly upset.

“Hi.” He whispered, laying his head back on the seat.

“Bad news?” I question, picking up on his body language.

“Yep, I have to take a break for a while. She gave me some antibiotics though.”

“Im really sorry, Shawn.” I murmured.

“It’ll be fine, like you said, the fans will understand.” He said, forcing himself to smile. I smiled back and nodded at him.

“So uhm, since I have some free time, I was wondering if maybe I could come see you?” he asks nervously. My mind went blank. All I wanted was to see him, but I also just told my boss I would fly to Paris for a once in a lifetime opportunity. Fuck. I was apparently quiet for too long, because Shawn instantly started to freak out and explain himself… typical.

“I just thought… you know… if you wanted to.” He stutters, his hand rubbing the back of his neck making me smile.

“I want to see you Shawn.” I smile, laughing quietly as I watch him viably relax.

“But, I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow. My boss loved how I did at the VS show and is sending me to work a show in Paris for a week.” I frowned into the phone.

“Are you kidding?! That’s awesome Y/N!” He smiled a genuine smile, making me melt into my seat.

“You’re not mad?” I ask tugging my lip between my teeth.

“Of course not, how could I be mad at you. I’m a little sad though.” He tilts his head, watching me as I put my keys into the car.

“Honestly, I'm pretty upset about it too,” I sigh, “I would really like to see you.”

Shawn just nods, with a pathetic smile on his face. I hate that I couldn’t make it work.

We finished up our updates and ended our face time. I drove back to my place and immediately started to pack. Incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety, which lead to me over packing by a long shot. I fell asleep after talking to an incredibly bored Shawn for about an hour. Shooting up in bed 4 hours later, realizing I had hit snooze a few too many times. I gathered my bags as fast as I possibly could, knowing I was inevitably forgetting something. I checked for the important stuff and rushed down to my Uber that was taking me to the Airport. Next thing I knew I was sitting in my seat, as the plane took off into the sky. I took my medicine to help me relax, and I slowly drifted to sleep. Thoughts of a curly headed boy entertaining my brain as I did.

After a long day of work, and being incredibly overwhelmed, I finally got back into my hotel room. Tossing my purse onto the ottoman in the corner of the room and collapsing onto the bed. I deep sigh escaping my body, mixed with an annoyed moan. When I was asked to work in Paris, I knew that it would be a challenge. No one does fashion like Paris does. I had confidence in myself though. After today, I was slowly starting to doubt that. My chest instantly started to tighten. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. I sat up in my bed and went to get my phone from my purse. Usually when I felt this way I called my dad for reassurance, he was pretty good at knowing what to say. Yet this time, I didn’t call my dad. I didn’t realize I was face timing Shawn until he his face appeared through the screen. He picked up and held a finger up, signaling me to hold on. I could hear the sound of a movie and a few people talking in the background. He closes the door to what I assume is his bedroom, and gets comfortable on his bed. He stacks some pillows behind him and leans back against his headboard. Smirking into the phone.

“I was hoping you would call.” He rasps

“Are you okay to talk to me for a little bit?” I smile back, wondering if his throat felt any better.

“Yeah, Im a lot better.” He clears his throat. “Is everything okay, you seem off?” his eyebrows squishing together.

I attempt to smile, but another sigh escapes my mouth.

“What’s up, Honey?” he soothes.

“Nothing… I just. I don’t know. Today was insane. I don’t know if I can do this.” I stutter, as tears start to fill in my eyes. The look on his face becoming more serious. Sure, Shawn and I had many conversations. Up until now the conversations had been light and flirty. Or me talking to him about slowing down, and making sure we was taking care of himself. I was never the one to be vulnerable when we talked though, which is why he knew this was serious. He nodded his head as I ranted about how defeated I was after today. I told him that I was completely out of my element and the people around me were so seasoned.

“Listen Y/n, you’re amazing at your job. You know you are. Just breath and believe that.” He smiled into the phone speaking with conviction. I listened intently, hanging onto ever word he said.

He talked about when he feels that way and what he does to overcome it. He was the perfect person to talk to about this.

“You’re right. I can do this. Its different and different can be scary, but Ill be fine.” I smiled into the phone. Glancing at the timer, realizing we had been talking for a little over an hour. I yawn into the phone, rubbing my eyes.

“Wow, its late.” I mutter

“Do you want to go to sleep?” He asks turning in bed, so that he was laying on his side. I mimic his actions.

“I mean, I should.” I giggle. “But I would rather talk to you.” I say, not quite ready to give up talking to him.

“Good. I’ve waited to talk to you all day.” He whines adorably. I silently laugh, rolling my eyes at his neediness.

“Wait, do you have people over? Do you need to go?” I asked concerned, last thing I wanted was for his friends or family to be mad at me for stealing their precious Shawn time.

“No, its just a few friends. Believe me their glad you called, I’ve been bugging them all day about whether or not I should call you.” He admits, a rosy tint instantly coating his cheeks.

“You know… you can call me whenever you want. I always wanna talk to you.” I reassure him.

“You’ll regret saying that, Im gonna annoy the shit out of you now.” He teases, with a hint of seriousness lacing his voice. I laugh at him, scoffing, telling him that I could never get annoyed by him. I laugh at him for a few minutes, as he tells me all the ways he’s going to annoy me. Our laughing starts to die down, and he folds his arm, resting his head on his hand.

“I really love hearing you laugh.” He said quietly, but confidently.

“I love that you can make me laugh, thank you for talking me down.”

He nods, “So when do you get some time off to explore?” he asks, as he gets up from his bed and walks out into his hallway.

“The day after tomorrow, I get two days off.” I say watching him move through his condo, the voices from his living room becoming louder.

“I had a really great tour guide when I was there, maybe I could get his information for you?” He asks as his friends start to appear behind him to see the girl on the other side of the screen. He shoo’s them away, and I start to laugh as they start to comment on the conversation. ‘Damnnn Shawn’, ‘I’ll be her tour guide’ , and other boyish comments being made in the background clearly being said to irritate Shawn. He shakes his head at his friends trying not to smirk, I start to laugh. I tell him that I would love to have a tour guide and he promises to send me the information.

“Okay, I’m going to bed, go hang with your boys.” I say pulling my cover up around me, smiling tiredly into the phone. He chuckles at me.

“Goodnight, Honey. You’re going to kill it tomorrow.”

“Night Shawn.”

_______________________________________________________________

The next morning I woke up with an adorable message from Shawn once again reassuring me of my own awesomeness. I couldn’t believe I was getting attention from a boy like this, he was too perfect sometimes. He also asked me for all of my hotel information so that the tour guide could meet up with me. I told him I could figure all the details out if he gave me his number, but he insisted on sorting everything out so that I could focus on work. If I had learned anything from my few months talking to Shawn, I knew that when he insisted on something there was really no point to argue. I just agreed and told him to let me know if I needed to do anything. After that we really hadn’t talked all day, a few text here and there but he was definitely not as annoying as he had planned to be. I got to the event building and did some deep breathing before walking in and starting my task for the day.

Lunch time came around in no time, I called Shawn to tell him how much better my day was going but he didn’t answer. I figured he was probably spending time with his family and I would hopefully get to talk to him later. I finished my work for the day, and my driver came to pick me up and take me back to my hotel. On the way there I attempted to call Shawn again but it went straight to voicemail once again. I tried my hardest not to be upset, but I really only wanted to talk to him. Which got me to think about how I felt about him. Was it appropriate to feel that way about someone you’ve only met one time? Shawn was so caring, supportive, smart, and funny. I found myself smiling at all the things that I loved about this boy’s personality. I instantly decided that even if I wasn’t sure about my feelings, I was sure that he came into my life for a reason. Whatever that reason may be, I guess we would find out.

I finally arrived back at the hotel, grabbing my purse and walking up to my room. I get inside and start to flip through the hotel’s menu for room service. Ultimately deciding that I would change into some warmer clothes and find something to eat outside the hotel, I was in Paris after all. As I was getting dressed, the hotel room phone started to ring. I walked over to it curiously and picked it up. The woman on the other end with a thick accent telling me that my tour guide was here to meet me. My eyebrows scrunched together, wondering why this tour guide was here on the wrong day. Thinking maybe the details were messed up, I told the woman to send him up. I hung up the phone, if anything maybe this guys could help me find somewhere to eat. I walked over to the door after hearing a light knock, opening it quickly.

My eyes instantly meet a pair of familiar light brown ones. His smile wide and beaming. I felt like I was hallucinating.

“Hi, I’m your tour guide. Is it okay if I’m a little early?” He says with a cheesy French accent, smiling down at me before pulling me into his arms.

_____________________________________________________________

A/n: Please let me know what you think! Part 3? Follow my new account :)

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes imagine #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn x reader #shawn x y/n #fanfic #fluff

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katecarteir · 6 years

Text

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

chapter count: 1/5

“Hey, buddy, how you doing?”

Richie Tozier tugged one earbud out and looked up at his room mate in confusion. He and Stanley Uris had grown to be good friends in the last two years that they’d been together in the college dorms- though, Richie had been surprised when Stan had been willing to agree to room with him a second time. They were all salt and nothing sweet, such different souls in one confined space, it was very rare that they were ever particularly gentle with one another. It was only ever when something was seriously wrong that they’d drop their harsh outer friendship and show through what they really were- best friends who cared deeply for one another.

Richie couldn’t think of anything that would have caused Stan to drop his sodium levels. He wracked his brain of everything that had happened over the last forty eight hours, but it threatened to give him a headache. He couldn’t focus on that and his English Lit paper. “I’m fine? This paper’s a killer, though. Mathers can suck my dick.”

A worried crinkle appeared between Stan’s brow and Richie’s heart picked up slightly. Had something really bad happened and Richie had just totally forgotten? Oh shit, had he repressed some sort of terrible experience from today? Did Stan know something that he didn’t, what-

“Pats and I are going to Floats tonight for dinner,” Stan broke through Richie’s internal panicking’s. Stanley had recently started going out with a girl from his Algebra course, though it had been a nearly year long struggle for Richie, having to watch Stan pine over her when it obvious that the girl had been just as smitten. For whatever reason. “Did you want us to bring you back some curly fries? I know they’re your favourite.”

Richie’s eyebrows disappeared completely behind his moppy bangs. Stanley has never, not once in the nearly two years they’d known each other, offered to pick up food for Richie. No matter how much Richie had begged him to. “I- Yeah, man. That… That’d be great. Thanks?”

Stan nodded once, and reached out to squeeze at Richie shoulder, before turning and walking from their shared living space. Richie shook his head slightly, confused but also looking forward to Floats’ curly fries, he’d barely turned back to his computer before his phone was lighting up. Beverly Marsh’s face lit up the screen and Richie almost declined, assuming it was a butt dial. Beverly Marsh did not make phone calls, that was just a known fact.

“Bev?” Richie inquired lightly, hoping that he’d get to listen in on some sort embarrassing private conversation and not Bev getting busy with her boyfriend. Richie had been burned before.

“Hey, Rich! How are you doing?” Bev’s too-chipper voice rang through the speaker and Richie had to frown.

“Why is everybody asking me that?” Richie asked, hearing the whine in his voice. “I’m peachy fucking keen. Nothing wrong on Rich Bitch front.”

Bev made an annoying sympathetic noise on the other end and Richie really did feel as though he were going to tug his own curls out. “Ben and I got Infinity War on DVD.” Bev continued. “Did you wanna come over and watch it with us tonight? We can cry into giant bowls of popcorn then obsess over online theories on how its going to get resolved.”

Richie hummed. “I would love to, Bev, but I actually have to get this stupid fucking English Lit paper done or I’m going to flunk out.”

“Oh. Okay.” Beverly sounded almost disappointed… no, not disappointed? Worried? Maybe worried. “Text me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Sure, Bev,” Richie said, pinching the brim of his nose. “Whatever.” Richie clicked end on the call and tossed his phone onto the comforter. He only looked at his blank document for a moment before grabbing his phone once again and scrolling through the contacts.

to: angel baby boy: hey bbyy im super fucking stuck on this damn English lit paper can i come over plsssss ill love u forever

from angel baby boy: you’re already going to love me forever but ofc doors unlocked see u soon *kiss emoji*

Richie scrambled up from his bed, throwing on what he knew were Eddie’s favourite pair of grey sweatpants, and started throwing his things into worn down backpack. He’d had it since early high school, and he knew he was going to tear a hole right through it soon enough, but he couldn’t be bothered to get a new one before that happened.

He’d only bounced out the door to his dorm before he almost ran smack into Audra Phillips. He hadn’t known the girl long, she’d only transferred to their college a few months earlier, but their majors ran into very similar circles and he’d only seen more of her since she’d started seeing Eddie’s room mate, Bill. She was a nice girl, if not a little bland, and Richie enjoyed her company. She was, of course, not somebody he expected to see standing outside his dorm room with two cups of Starbucks.

“Hey,” she said, blinking up at him. She almost seemed that she was as surprised to find herself here as Richie was to see her. “I brought you a coffee? Chocolate mocha frapp, right?”

Richie made a happy noise and took the cold drink from Audra’s awaiting hand. “Dude, I love seven dollar drinks. What do I owe this tongue-numbing pleasure?”

“I figured that the English Lit paper was kicking your ass,” Audra said lightly. “Amongst… other things. Thought I’d be friendly.”

Richie crinkled his nose up, green straw almost in his mouth. If one more person implied that something was wrong when Richie had absolutely no idea what that could be, he might actually start screaming. But Audra was smiling so sweetly at him, and as far as Richie knew the girl had never done anything wrong in pretty much her entire life, he just nodded at her and thanked her again for the drink. They exchanged a few more civil pleasantries before Richie excused himself and made it the rest of the way to Eddie and Bill’s room.

Eddie was seated in his bed, surrounded by his mountain of yellow pillows and wrapped up in his soft green comforter. Eddie had, without a doubt, the most comfortable bed Richie had ever been in. That was, possibly, a little bit of a bias but it was true. The only good thing that Richie thought Sonia Kaspbrak had ever done- besides actually giving birth to Eddie- was insisting he get so many pillows and blankets to make his dorm bed safer for her Eddie Bear. Eddie seemed to hate it, tossing most of the pillows to the foot end of his bed when actually going to sleep, and using the green comforter only, but Richie absolutely loved it and Eddie always put the pillows back at the head when he knew Richie was coming over.

Richie had known Eddie easily as long as he’d known anybody. He supposed the only people he would have known longer were his parents and older sister, meeting Eddie at his orientation of kindergarten. The older they’d gotten, the harder Sonia Kaspbrak had tried to push them apart, and all the closer they’d grown. By seventh grade, it was almost impossible to find one without the other. RichieTozierandEddieKaspbrak. Richie had probably been in love with him even back then, but they’d only made the jump to boyfriends near the end of sophomore year. Despite a few short, drama-filled fights and break ups, they’d been together ever since.

“So, did like… my mother die and everybody forgot to tell me?” Richie asked, chocolate coffee dripping down the corner of his mouth.

Eddie startled, sitting up on his pillow mountain and shoving his laptop aside. “What? What happened to your mom? Rich-“

“No! No, no,” Richie started shaking his head, dropping down beside him. “Mags is fine, she texted me this morning. I just… I’ve had the weirdest fucking afternoon.”

“So you decided you’d make a joke about your mom dying?” Eddie squawked, cheeks starting to turn pink. “What the fuck, Richard?”

“I just…” Richie sighed. “Bev invited me over, Audra brought me coffee. Stanley offered to bring me home curly fries from Floats? I am like… dying and don’t know it?”

Eddie shook his head slightly, frowning, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fucking Bill…” Eddie chuckled. “Do you remember last week when you forgot about breakfast and I was super pissed? Didn’t talk to you all day?”

“Uh, yeah, vividly.” Richie grumbled, jutting out his bottom lip. “You’re the one who tried to make plans with me when I was half asleep, you know. You should know better than that after 18 years, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “But no, I was super pissed off and I ranted to Bill. I might have sort of said I was going to break up with you. Guess he thinks that I did… and he told everybody.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. “Everybody is being nice to me because they think I got dumped? What the fuck! Why would you tell Bill you were going to break up with me?”

Eddie shook his head and took Richie’s hand in his. “I tell you I’m going to break up with you twice a week. I didn’t realize that somebody else would take it so seriously. We’ll just tell everybody that we didn’t break up, or that we got back together, or whatever…”

Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

Panic moved quickly across Eddie’s face. “You want to break up? Richie, what the fuck, since when, why didn’t you-“

Richie clapped a hand over Eddie’s panic-rambling mouth. “No, no, shut up, I don’t want to break up. Ever. Jesus Christ, no. I’m just saying… if we let everybody think we’re broken up, we could have that thrill of sneaking around again. It could be fun, you know, keeping it a secret. Kind of kinky, definitely hot.”

Eddie still didn’t look convinced, but his cheeks had started to warm up under the idea. “It would never work. You couldn’t pull it off.”

Richie made a loud, offended noise. “I couldn’t pull it off? You’re the one who won’t be able to keep their hands off all of this.” Richie gesturing up and down his body, waggling his eyebrows.

“I’d fake puking right now, but you’re wearing those stupid grey sweats and you know I’m weak for them,” Eddie muttered under his breath, looking highly put out. Richie burst out laughing and draped himself around Eddie’s mid-section. He pressed his face into his stomach and blew a raspberry over top of Eddie’s T-shirt. “Admit it, Eddie Spaghetti, you would absolutely blow it before I would. Without a doubt.”

Eddie tangled his hand in Richie’s messy curls, pushing him away from his stomach, but keeping his fingers deep in the curls. “Care to put your money where your trash mouth is, Tozier?”

“First off all,” Richie grinned before bouncing forward and kissing Eddie deeply. He dug his teeth into Eddie’s body lip and tugged slightly. Eddie made a small whimpering noise when Richie pulled back, when only caused Richie grin to grow. “You love my Trashmouth and all the trashy things it can do. Secondly, when have you ever known me to turn down a bet?”

“Not often enough,” Eddie looked mildly horrified, no doubt remembering the stupid ass things Richie had done on bets and dares in the many years he’d known him. “But we can discuss the arrangements of this bet you’re going to loose those your fucking pants off?”

Richie cackled.

#reddie #reddie fic #it fanfiction #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #my writing #when tomorrow comes

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