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ghostwriter2203 · 1 year

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Chapter 7, Stuck In New York, Part 1

( A/n: Get little spicy in this chapter towards the end of it...with gif in it...you've been warn. )

Dani is staring up at the ceiling in her room in the hotel and dealing with the emotions that she can't describe or even express to Jess, Jeffrey, and even Norman. She closes her eyes for a second, takes a deep breath, and then sits up and grabs her journal from the nightstand. Journaling has been helping with writing down all her thoughts, and her mental health is much better now. Dani gets comfortable on the bed and begins to journal.

Jess and I are stuck in New York because of what's happening, and finding a lot more about Zoey and Billy's relationship, Chole's family might have a connection with the mafia. So they hacked our computers and passports too. We let Jeffrey and Norman know of what's gonna on and also let them know that they're gonna have to help us out because there are some things we can't do. She and I must be careful of what we do in public, as someone might be looking for us.

I am scared about this and don't want to die at all. This is the worst December ever, and I wanted a good one, but nope. Jeffrey told us to be safe and don't any stupid.

My phone starts to ring as I answer it, " Hello?'' I ask as I hear a chuckle " Hey, princess, how are you feeling?" I smiled when I heard Norman's voice coming through the phone. " Not so good," I answered and felt my cheeks burn up. " Didn't I tell you not to call me that?'' he laughs " Yes, you did, and I ignored it," he says, grinning, and I could tell that he is amused by this.

Am I glad to hear his voice?

Norman's voice makes me feel calm inside and helps me take my mind off what's happening. " why, though?" He moves around and gets comfortable with something." Because that nickname makes you blush when I call you that." He tells me as I blush more. " You are right about that," I mumble, " What was that?'' I panic a little bit then I tell myself to calm down. " It's nothing," I say softly and play with the string of my shoelace. " Isn't it bad for me to miss you?" he asked as I got confused by that, " Why wouldn't it be bad for you to miss me?" I questioned him and heard him let out a sigh. " Do you miss me of how much I miss you?''

I stayed silent and gonna into my thoughts about this. Why do I miss being around Norman? His voice makes me feel calm and keeps me from gonna into a panic attack. I blushed when he called me nicknames, and we will get to know each other when this is all over....so am I slowly falling in love?

Yet, I am scared of letting that happen and don't know if I can let another person see my broken side. Norman wouldn't like it and will he stay with me? Through the tough times when I feel sad and not like my body? He makes my heart beat so much, yet I am scared of letting him in my heart.

No, I can't let anyone see me like that....don't want them to see me broken and sad. I have a past that I don't want to talk about or even want to remember it. It was hard for me to move on from what happened when I was a child. A knock got my attention. I looked at the door to see Jess standing there, " I got to order some food for us." I blinked and realized that I had hung up on Norman without even noticing I did. " Oh, from what place?" she gives me concern. " You alright?" I avoided the question and stood up, telling her I would shower.

Jess left my room, and I took a shower to help me with my mind.

--------------- Meanwhile, with Jeffrey and Norman-------------

Jeffrey POV

I am worried about jess and Dani's safety, and now we are gonna put our research on the boss for a while until the girls come home. Norman was stressed about it until the boss called us in, and it isn't good to get called by a mafia leader. We are sitting in his office with his bodyguard Enzo standing near the door with no emotion but a severe face. He's always wearing a mask and doesn't say a word or even make eye contact. He is an exciting person and probably has a mysterious past.

When he entered the room with a serious, he sat down in his armchair. " So I've heard some news about the two girls you two hang out with each other. " Norman and I shared a concern, then back at him, " What news?" Norman questioned him. '' That they're trying to solve the mysterious murder case of that one family, and now they're trapped in New York." He answered him as he cleared his throat. " How do you know that they're trapped in New York?" he grins " I've my ways. " he lined back in his chair.

I got more worried about this, but I hid that emotion deep down. " Now boys, you know I don't like people lying to me, and if they do..well, they aren't gonna be seen again, and I don't want that to happen to you," he peace as he took a sip of his whisky then set it back down on his desk. " I got people who know things you aren't telling me and how you are gonna betray me while trying to get out of here," he says calmly.

" We will never do that." Norman protest as the boss chuckles and slams his fist down on the desk hard, making them both jump a little. " Don't lie to me!" he shouted as he glared at them both, " We aren't lying to you," I said as he looked at us, then he grinned more and nodded towards Enzo. " I think It's time for you two to go to the red room and see the doctor there." that's when the panic sets in the both of them. Enzo grabs Norman's arm while Asher enters the room and grabs my arm.

" No...Not the red room!"

" Too late."

The Boss POV

I watched Asher and Enzo drag those two out of my office and smiled when I heard them screaming in a pleading tone. It brings me so much joy to listen to that. Then I heard high heels walking towards my office, stood up from my chair, and looked out the window to see the city that would be mine soon. " You know, you can't be standing there and acting like you hardly don't anything here." a young woman says as I turn around to face her.

" Baby, I do things here, and you're lucky to be alive from what you did. Besides, your husband doesn't know what you've been doing behind his back with the things we're testing." As she narrows her eyes at me, I tell her, " Don't you fucking bring him into this. You and I had an agreement." I smirked and grabbed her chin. " I remember the agreement but can't work without getting some love from my future queen.'' She rolled her eyes and kissed my lips with her soft lips.

I pulled her close to my body, and my hands went to her ass and I grasped as she slipped a moan in the kiss, which made me want to go crazy. I pushed her against the wall as I fell my tongue in her mouth, and she pushed me away. " That's enough. You don't get the reward unless you earn it. " She says playfully as I let my hands rest on her hips.

" Oh, I do earn it, sweetheart." she chuckles and pushes me away with her hand on my chest. " I don't think you do, my love. Not til he is dead for good." I groaned and held her close to my body. " I know there are setbacks for this to work," I peck her neck with soft kisses.

" Setbacks? What do you mean by that?" she cupped my checks and made me look into her blue eyes. '' These two girls are trying the case about what happened. " I tell as she stares at me, shocked. " No, don't let them solve this case and do anything to make them not solve it before they find out the truth." I nodded, and we continued to hold each other in my office.

" They won't ever solve it."

" how would you know?"

" Because this case has too many potential implications and issues. "

" rights.."

" And the lies too. "

" You mean the lies that you've made me do. "

" hun, but you did come to me first. "

" ..."

" you know I am right, so don't worry about a thing."

" But you've been wrong in ways before. "

" Yes, but-"

" So I have the right to be worried about this." He let out a sighed and nodded his head, " fine, you can be worried all you want but I think we can have little bit of fun~" he gentle moved her hips to his lap as she straggle his lap with her cloth clit touch his cloth cock as she slowly teased in which he let out a low groaned.

She has already took off her skirt, she only has panties as he made her stand back up then he made her undressed them both. They're both naked underneath, she ride him slowly and teasing him.

" fuck...yes, baby girl~"

" mhm..."

" go faster "

" no."

Charlie growled as he thrusts up as she let out a loud moaned, and her hands goes to his shoulders when she matches his thrusts. They both begins to thrust together as he kissed her mouth passionately, as he sneaky his hand to her clit, rubbing it with his thumb. She let out few whimpers and kissing his mouths as she feels like that she is getting close, " fuck.." thrust " sir..." thrust " babygirl~" thrust, and thrust " I'm so close!" He kisses her neck and gives her some hickeys.

" cum." She did cum over his cock as he cum inside of her, and they panting heavily and holding each other arms.

#fanfic #jdmorgan #jeffrey dean morgan #murder mystery #norman reedus #wattpad #writeblr

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sunny-ghosts · 1 month

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intro to my OCs just for background as I will be posting them

I have two WIPs, one solo and one with my best friend. The solo one is called Star for now and the one I'm collaborating on is currently nameless and I refer to it as 'the comic' which is incredibly specific and great for categorical tags (I'll probably just tag it with a sun emoji tbh).

Star takes place in a post apocalyptic world featuring two very queer very mentally struggling main characters who might kiss or might just cry a lot (follow me to find out!)

The comic takes place on a cool island summer camp with magic (if this reminds you of lumberjanes, that was the inspiration, I wanted to make a story about queer kids interacting with magic, sort of like escapism cause it's all positive and fun) and has a pretty diversely queer cast (I love them all deeply)

My OCs for star

Tristan- transmasc (he/him most likely), unlabeled queer in terms of romanticism, and probably asexual idk. Autistic coded imo. Really likes plants, pretty depressed. Strong believer that everything is bad and nothing good will ever happen and the world is over

Orion/Ori (or-ee)- transmasc, pretty chill about pronouns but generally prefers he and maybe they, as long as it isn't she he doesn't care. Achillean. In denial about everything and very optimistic. Pretty high energy and outgoing

My OCs for the comic (I swear we'll name it sometime) not exhaustive but this should be the ones I reference the most

Atlas- he/they, transmasc aroace, AuDHD, his main special interest is magic and magical beings and stuff like that. Knowledgeable and passionate about this to the point where he will correct adults who study magic if they're wrong. Also very into plants and plant identification and just nature stuff in general. Dude could write a handbook.

Alexander/Alex- he/him, brother figure for atlas. He's got a big sword and might be the reincarnation of king Arthur (he found the sword in a cool lake). Has no inclination to be the king of britain or whatever. Bi? Gay? Who knows. His love interest is a man

Lee - he/it/whatever honestly he doesn't care, devil (got some rad horns and shit, he can't fly) who likes to play at being a villain, pretty harmless and honestly just likes to fuck with people. Would wear a dress. Has worn a dress. Will wear a dress. Queer (he says that he's 'gay for every gender'). Gives his boyfriend (above) regular heart attacks (its. For his health. You know)

Athena - she/her probably, transfem and of questionable romantic orientation. Descended from a god, probably a minor god of summer or spring or something. She can set stuff on fire and glow and whatever. She's figuring it out. She also rarely puts on shoes

Angel - he/him but doesn't mind neutral pronouns, probably wont realize that neo or xenopronouns are referring to him though. He's the group counselor and generally just sort of tags along and watches to make sure they don't die. Has a lot of faith in them and encourages them to do stupid shit he thinks is funny. He does keep them safe but like. He lets them have fun. Polyam, bi with a very strong preference for men. Has rad wings (his name is incredibly on the nose)

Vince (he/him) and odyssey/essie/s(any but prefers masc words referring to them): angels boyfriends who don't actually show up much but I feel very strongly about them and I think they're all very cute together. Vince is the golden retriever, essie is the black cat, angel is the orange cat.

anyways if anyone actually read all that, that's rad!! I hope you like them. I will probably be posting a ton about them soon if you're interested!

Have a great day!

#intro post #writing #my ocs #oc #ocs #oc stuff #oc intro

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sinceileftyoublog · 2 months

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Bill Ryder-Jones Interview: Defiant, Not Defeated

Photo by Marieke Macklon

BY JORDAN MAINZER

On Bill Ryder-Jones' most personal and heart-wrenching record yet, the first voice you hear is not his own. In fact, it's not even clear whose voice it is: It's a ghostly sample of somebody repeatedly cooing "baby." Though Tropicália fans might recognize the sound as a washy sample of Gal Costa's song "Baby", the effect is disorienting, especially as Ryder-Jones introduces you into the world of Iechyd Da (Domino)--which means "good health" in Welsh--and its balance of broad hope and tangible pain.

Ryder-Jones has never been one to shy away from his struggles. He left The Coral temporarily in 2005 and permanently in 2008 due to suffering from panic attacks, sharing his story in a short film about mental health in the music industry. In an interview with The Quietus from earlier this year, he revealed long-running suffering from addiction and mental illness, ranging from alcohol and prescription drug abuse to agoraphobia exacerbated by COVID lockdown. At the time of that interview's publication last month, Ryder-Jones was, thankfully, doing better. But it's also a disservice to the contextually provocatively titled Iechyd Da to call it an album "about" Ryder-Jones' inner battles. Though many of the songs reference specific points in his journey towards conquering fears and demons, it's an album namely about surrounding yourself with love.

That the first voice we hear on Iechyd Da is Costa's only foreshadows what we hear on the rest of the record. There's singer-songwriter Michael Head (who Ryder-Jones has produced) reading a passage from Ulysses on "...And The Sea...". A chorus of children, who Ryder-Jones worked with extensively on the record, provide contrasting, innately buoyant timbres to his weary croak. On "This Can't Go On", a song representing one of Ryder-Jones' rock bottoms, he finds solace in Echo & The Bunnymen's "The Killing Moon", further references The Stooges, and samples strings from a 1978 disco track. The swaying, romantic "If Tomorrow Starts Without Me"--which gets its title from a line a sex worker reads in Eurotrash--is akin to It's A Wonderful Life, though it's not clear who's the hopeless one and who's the angel. "If the monsters call you names, then I'm with you," Ryder-Jones sings, "I've had monsters play games with me too." Perhaps best of all are the people he addresses by name in song, like Jase on the jangly "I Hold Something In My Hand", and the titular Anthony on "Thankfully For Anthony". Inspired by a real-life experience where a concerned friend took a sick Ryder-Jones to the hospital after receiving a cryptic text message from him, the latter song covers the moment Ryder-Jones thought he might die to when he overcame. Hearing him sing, "I'm thinking this might just be it" is as heartbreaking as it is inspiring to hear him sing, "I felt love." Atop xylophone and strings, it's as life-affirming as anything Spiritualized have ever released.

Ultimately, Iechyd Da is an aspirational record, not a mere biographical one. The connotatively positive words may sometimes adopt past tense, like, "Oh how I loved you," on "A Bad Wind Blows In My Heart pt. 3", the next entry in the series started on the 2013 album of the same name. [Among everything else, Ryder-Jones went through a bad breakup during lockdown.] But for every nostalgic or wistful aspect on the album, there's something positive and realistic. Closer "Nos Da", which means "good night" in Welsh, warbles to a gorgeous imperfection, its synths and strings off-kilter. And on melodramatic strummer "It's Today Again", Ryder-Jones sings, "There's something great about life," perhaps the ethos of the entire album. Notably, he doesn't sing, "Life is great," which would be a statement as absurd as it is corny. But he admits that, among all ups and downs, with a worn sense of perspective, there are things to be thankful for. A cynic might disagree. With Iechyd Da, Bill Ryder-Jones demonstrates his humanism.

Earlier this month, I asked Ryder-Jones a few questions about the album over email. Read his responses below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: With Iechyd Da, you wanted to make a more hopeful record. What about it do you think is hopeful?

Bill Ryder-Jones: I feel like the music in places is more hopeful and promising of hope than music I've made in the past. It's hard to put into words what I think makes music sound hopeful. I guess if nothing else, the music doesn't sound defeated--maybe [it sounds] even defiant.

SILY: Some of your lyrics are confessional, but they're not quite like you're reading somebody's diary. What's the importance of keeping some of your more personal stories on the vague side? How do you decide when to share certain details, like the names of songs you were listening to during a difficult time, or the names of people?

BRJ: I think that's something I have a natural taste for. I don't think I'm conscious of how direct the lyrics are. More often than not, the first verse will dictate where the song is going, so I tend to just go with it.

SILY: From characters on previous albums to older song titles ["A Bad Wind Blows In My Heart pt. 3"], you reference your previous work quite a bit on Iechyd Da. Do your records work in concert with one another?

BRJ: No, not really. Maybe they do; I'm not sure. The others weren't designed for that reason in the way Iechyd Da was. It was a deliberate attempt to draw a link between this album and A Bad Wind Blows in My Heart. I feel they sit really sweetly together.

SILY: What inherent qualities do you think the sound of children singing has? When they sing lines like, "I just don't see myself getting past this one," do the words carry a different meaning?

BRJ: Yeah, I think there's something inherently beautiful in the sound of children singing. It's so, so sweet and powerful. The idea that you can have them sound that way whilst saying a few things that are possibly beyond their understanding I think is a good idea.

SILY: You've mentioned that Iechyd Da is your most produced record. What about the specific albums you produced in the past five years gave you the confidence to make your own record more produced?

BRJ: Well, confidence isn't the word I would use. In fact, music is one of the few things I feel confident in. The decision to make an album sound like this one was mainly down to wanting to push myself and make music that truly made me happy, but of course, working with artists will influence you in myriad ways. Certainly...Michael Head [and the Red Elastic Band's Dear Scott] and Saint Saviour['s In The Seams] were important for me in terms of scope and ambition.

SILY: The instrumentation on the final song, "Nos Da", is warbly and a bit hazy. Is it supposed to reflect memory or nostalgia?

BRJ: It was originally written as a lullaby for my friend's daughter, Luna. I remembered it by chance when I was finishing the album. The warble I think I added to bookend the album, hoping it sounded similar to the sample of Gal Costa['s "Baby"].

SILY: How do you find playing live some of the songs that reference more difficult times in your life? Are you able to get into an appropriate headspace?

BRJ: I'm fine with that. I'm mainly trying to remember lyrics and not have a panic attack. I detach from things quite easily, if I'm honest.

SILY: How does the tale of Ulysses and the Michael Head-featuring track "…And The Sea…" fit within the narrative of Iechyd Da?

BRJ: I guess in the way that I thought, "I can do whatever I want," and I wanted to have this strange piece in the album as a respite from my voice. I listen to much more performance music these days as opposed to purely melodic music. I think it came from there.

SILY: How would you describe your treatment of the Gal Costa sample at the beginning of “I Know That It’s Like This (Baby)”? And the chatter on "Nothing To Be Done"?

BRJ: The sample is Gal Costa singing "Baby" but recorded to give the effect that it's playing in the background in the room I was in rather than crisply. The chatter, I think, is probably just bits of audio from the kids when they were talking mid-recording.

SILY: Are you a fan of Eurotrash?

BRJ: Ha, I haven't seen it in years.

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lunarkords · 2 years

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Finished my book critique and added a cringe note now I can charge my switch and water my gyroid thank God send post

#the note was originally about my mental health but i changed it to 'overwhelmed bc of classes'#tbf my poor mental health was in part caused by that so. yeah #college is great i love college i totally dont feel like i could die of a heart attack at any minute just from walking wrong :)))))))#genuinely having a bad time for various reasons in all aspects of my life and if i dont have a gyroid by the end of the week i might cry #ramblings #personal

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Deep Breaths

Valkyrae x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mentions of past domestic abuse, Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, Swearing

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having received a call from the correctional facility where their alcoholic/drug addict mother is being kept, Y/N gets some intense nightmarish flashbacks to a time that still haunts them despite a decade having passed. Luckily their girlfriend Rae is there to comfort therm.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, I hope I captured what you wanted to read! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post the fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Love, Vy ❤

“Hey Y/N, I-“ One step in the living room and that’s all it took for Rae to pick up on the melancholic mood in the room.

Her partner hasn’t even noticed she’s entered. Instead, they are sitting hunched over on the couch, elbows on knees, hand seeking their hands’ support to stay upright and their eyes hiding a thousand yard stare that’s got Rae worried sick.

“Babe, what’s wrong?“ She asks softly, inching closer to the couch to take a seat next to Y/N, “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?“

Through the fog surrounding their brain, they somehow manage to catch onto Rae’s words, forcing themself to give her at least a nod in response as to not scare her with their unresponsiveness. They can’t bring themselves to speak, it’s too hard on them to even think of what to say let alone spit it out, especially when their chest feels like it’s caught fire and their mind is still going haywire, heartbeat thumping in their ears as the adrenaline rush refuses to cease.

“Hey, look at me...“ Instead of sitting down, Rae ducks down in front of Y/N, taking their hands in hers, almost wincing at how cold they were. “Tell me what’s bothering you, baby.“

The girl is trying her best not to freak out or lose her cool, despite her already quickened heartbeat she can hear in her ears. She has every right to be reacting the way she is. Her permanently happy, bubbly, optimistic and cheerful partner who always seems to be as energized as though they’d just had a gallon of coffee is now a pale ghost sitting statue-still, staring off into the void with eyes that look empty yet terrified simultaneously.

Y/N’s mouth falls open as though they want to say something but the words die out somewhere along the way, refusing to leave their mouth and give them the relief of sharing their pain with the only person they trust limitlessly. “I-...“ They finally manage to find their voice though their gaze is still avoiding hers, “I got a call from the correctional facility where....” They trail off, a bitter taste forming in their mouth, making their stomach turn and bite the inside of their cheek as they feel the urge to throw up start to become unbearable. “She wants to s-see me...”

They don’t need to say anything else, Rae’s already connected the dots and her complexion has gone just as pale as theirs. She knows how sensitive and triggering this topic is for Y/N, how many bad memories are tied to this one person in their life. To make matters worse, they’re the one person who was supposed to take care of them yet she couldn’t even take care of herself - Y/N’s mother.

Rae distinctly remembers the night Y/N told her the truth about their family life - or the lack thereof - almost a year since the two had started dating. Rae never questioned their secretiveness and respected their privacy enough not to ask about it, patiently waiting for them to tell her on their own time and own terms. It was no secret even from the very start that Y/N had a very hard time connecting to people and trusting them. It took them maybe two or so months to be able to call their now-girlfriend a friend instead of an acquaintance. Rae didn’t question that too, didn’t push to pursue a friendship with them since, from her point of view, they were already her friend, so she patiently waited for them to come around and start trusting her enough to accept her within their tightknit circle of trusted people called ‘friends’.

Things progressed from purely platonic to sweetly romantic a little more quickly which pleasantly surprised Rae. The two were quick to grow to be inseparable though that didn’t mean Y/N gave up all their secrets. The darkest one, which happens to be this one regarding their mother, is the one they hid the longest and the last one they had to share with their girlfriend. The night they did tell it was a very emotional one: plenty of tears were shed by both Y/N and Rae but luckily they had each other’s embrace to seek comfort in and protect themselves from the ghosts and demons of a past Y/N spent so much time running away from.

An abusive parent is not a bit of baggage you can just get rid of. It’s something that weighs so heavy on you and is such a big part of who you are that you can feel it as a part of you. It haunts you no matter how much you try to run or hide. It’s not something you can shake off or forget. You might have physical and visible scars from the time spent with said parent or the trauma can be entirely psychological - regardless, it lives within you. Follows you around, raises questions you’re not sure you want answered, degrades you - making it seem like what happened was your fault in one way or another - it destroys you slowly very time something triggers a memory of that time, be it a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the subject or be it the glimpse you accidentally catch in the mirror of a scar on your body - a scar you remember being inflicted on you like it was yesterday.

That’s how Y/N’s been living. Feeling responsible, feeling unloved, feeling chained to their past. They’ve done all in their power to appear unbothered and let it be visible, not even when around Rae since they don’t want to worry her.

But seeing as their past has caught up to them now and they inevitably have to face it, they’re forced to let it show, they couldn’t hold it in even if they tried. Although they don’t wanna play the unbothered, unfazed part any longer. They have been strong on their own for far too long and it’s taken a toll on them. If they keep up with the act, they’ll be completely and utterly crushed.

Not that they’re feeling any better at the moment.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me. Keep your eyes on me, ok? Take deep breaths. Deep breaths, baby. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok. You’re ok.“ Their short-circuiting brain has been spasming under the influence of the adrenaline, anxiety and panic brought on by the memories of every time they felt small and helpless while at the merciless hand of their alcoholic, drug addict abusive mother, begging to be spared the pain of being hit with whatever object the deranged woman could get her hands on - yet somehow, Rae’s voice still reaches them through all that messy dark fog. “Come on, Y/N, stay with me ok? Please don’t do this, I’m right here, there’s no need to be afraid,”

“I...“ they can barely hear their own voice over the racing of their heart, “I don’t...I don’t wanna go....“ is all they manage to say, a tear falling from their eye.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to go. We won’t go. Your mental health is the most important thing here, Y/N. We’re not going and that’s final.“ Rae replies vigorously, tightening her hold on Y/N’s hands.

Despite the state they’re in, Y/N can’t help but take notice of the use of the word ‘we’, Rae’s reminder that they are not alone, that she’s there for them and will not let them go into this alone. That brings a small smile to their face, calming their heart and panic ever so slightly, “N-no, I have to. It...it’ll help me.” They sigh before attempting to express themself again, “It’ll give me...closure, I guess.”

Seeing that Y/N’s doing a bit better, Rae’s hand move to cup their face instead, pushing the stray strands of hair away for their features to be full exposed to her, especially their eyes, “Are you sure you want that? Can you handle it? It’s not supposed to be your obligation, Y/N. I mean, the woman’s a monster and she hasn’t even thought to contact you in half a decade, and now she suddenly wants to get back in contact? She has the audacity to disturb you after all this time? You don’t have to agree to this, Y/N.”

Y/N shakes their head, “No, no, I want to. I want to agree to this. I want to live a normal life, Rae. I want to leave her and all she did to me behind. And I can’t do that if I keep running away. What happens when I stop to catch my breath? It still catches up to me like I made no progress whatsoever. That’s not a way to live, not the way I wanna live, at least.”

Rae nods slowly, fully understanding what Y/N is referring to. She maybe hasn’t said anything about it ever, but she’s always seen that little bit of darkness behind the happiness and excitement Y/N always displayed. Rae’s heart ached every time she caught glimpse of those little signs Y/N was putting on a performance while actually hurting on the inside.

And if a meeting with their mother was what would help them finally fully embrace a happy life, then who was she to stop them.

“Ok.“ The girl sighs, “Ok, we’ll go see her, but only if you’re 100% sure you’ll be able to handle it.“

They shake their head again, sighing with unease, “I can never be 100% sure, my emotions have a tendency of being unpredictable so I’ll just have to pray I don’t have a breakdown or a panic attack.”

Rae swipes her thumb over their cheekbone wiping the tear that just escaped their eye, “If you do, don’t worry, I’ll be right there. You know the drill: squeeze my hand, take deep breaths and most importantly, don’t forget I’m there for you. Ok?”

Y/N nods their head, the small smile reappearing on their face. They squeeze Rae’s hand and take a long inhale. “Hand squeeze, deep breaths, noted.” They say when their eyes meet hers, “Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you so much for putting up with me and all my shit and thank you so much for never giving up on me no matter how much work I am or how hard dealing with me and my demons becomes.”

Rae’s heart stings at Y/N’s words, tears brimming her eyes when she raises a bit on her knees to press her lips against Y/N’s forehead. “Don’t thank me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I never want to get gratitude for it. Love doesn’t ask for gratitude, and neither do I.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh to cover up an emotional sob that escapes their lungs. “I love you, Rae.” They say with a trembling voice.

“I love you too, Y/N.“

This time, the Y/N’s lips met the lips of their girlfriend, reminding themself that their safe haven isn’t a place, it’s a person - their girlfriend who means the world to them.

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morganaspendragonss · 3 years

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hiya. could you write a fic where tk has a panic attack from carlos’s pov? 😘🧡

i can indeed! this is combined with an idea jamie ( @silvarafael ) had and very kindly allowed me to write - i hope you both enjoy! the first section is also based on a vague idea i had after watching the ep.

ao3 | 1.9k | 2.10 spoilers

TK is silent the entire drive home, choosing instead to stare out the window with his jaw firmly clenched, his hands making fists in his lap. The silence extends all the way into the house, right up until the point when he flops down on the couch with a loud, frustrated sigh, burying his head in his hands.

At this point, Carlos knows not to push when TK is like this; he’ll talk when he wants to, and not a moment before. So he simply walks over, sitting next to him and placing a hand on TK’s back, rubbing gentle circles. TK slowly relaxes under his touch, unfurling his body, and Carlos is all too happy to let him shift into his arms, holding on and pressing kisses on the top of his head.

I’m here, he’s saying - not with words, but he knows the message gets across regardless. It may have only been less than a year since they started dating, but already they don’t always need words to communicate.

“I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable back there,” TK says suddenly. “I know my dad kind of dragged you into it all, and that must have been awkward for you.”

“It wasn’t my favourite interaction with your dad ever,” he admits.

TK snorts. “Understatement,” he mutters, and Carlos laughs, tilting his head in agreement. “I am sorry, though, really,” TK continues. “It was amazing of you to even be there; you didn’t have to be. I’m sure there are hundreds of places you’d rather be than an intervention session for my dad.”

“You mean supporting my boyfriend through something difficult and important?” Carlos corrects gently, shifting to catch TK’s eyes. “Because there’s nowhere I’d rather be than there.”

TK blinks at him, managing to hold his gaze for all of two seconds before he blushes and looks away. He takes Carlos’s hand, tapping restlessly on the back of it - a sure-fire sign he’s still worked up about something, so Carlos leaves him be, waiting for it to come out.

“Is it bad that I’m pissed at him?” TK’s voice is quiet, small, and it’s mirrored in his body language when he turns to Carlos, drawing his legs up and hunching his shoulders. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to connect with him, and it just feels like he’s constantly throwing it all right back in my face. And he’s… He’s such a fucking hypocrite. Ever since my first overdose, he’s been going on and on about how good it is to talk about my feelings and how I shouldn’t keep things bottled up, yet he insists on hiding this shit from me.”

TK laughs, short, sharp, bordering on hysterical. “He didn’t even tell me when he was fucking dying; I had to find that out by myself. And I’ve tried. I haven’t stopped trying.” He deflates, sinking back into Carlos with a defeated sigh. “But there’s only so much I can take, you know? I can’t… I can’t keep doing this, Carlos.”

Carlos’s heart breaks for his boyfriend. He wishes he could take the pain away; as it is, all he can do is hold him, and hope that he has enough words to at least dull the ache somewhat.

“It’s not bad to feel what you feel, TK.”

TK looks up at him, eyes wide. “You don’t think so?”

He shakes his head, kissing him again. “No. I think… I think your dad has treated you pretty unfairly, actually, and you’re well within your rights to be mad at him right now. But, I also think that you said it yourself; there’s only so much you can do. Before you can take care of your dad, you have to take care of yourself, and you can’t do that if you’re worrying over him.”

If TK’s eyes were any wider, it’d be comical. “But -”

“No buts.” Carlos smiles tightly, keeping his tone gentle. “TK, babe, you just led an intervention into your dad’s mental health, which I know was hard for you, yet you did it anyway because you love him. You tried, but if he doesn’t want to engage, then there’s nothing you can do.”

TK is silent for a long time, staring down at his lap. He’s still holding Carlos’s hand in one of his own, but his free hand is rubbing the material of Carlos’s shirt between his fingers; Carlos doubts he’s even fully aware he’s doing it.

“I know that,” he says eventually, voice little more than a whisper. “I do. I just wish he wasn’t so goddamn stubborn all the time.”

Carlos’s lips quirk up in a smile, and he speaks before he can stop himself. “Guess it runs in the family.”

TK stares at him, open-mouthed, and Carlos immediately regrets his words. He’s halfway through an apology when it’s like a dam breaks, and TK breaks out in giggles, his head thumping against Carlos’s chest.

“You’re lucky I love you, Reyes.”

Carlos grins and pulls TK as close to him as physically possible. “I really am.”

The call comes early the next morning, waking both of them up. TK grumbles as he smacks his hand against the nightstand in a blind search for his phone; the sight would be adorable if Carlos weren’t so tired himself. After the exhaustion of the past few days, he’d been desperately hoping to have a peaceful morning for once, maybe even - god forbid - to spend some quality time with his boyfriend without the threat of parents or work or sudden emergencies hanging over them.

Clearly, though, it’s not to be, as TK suddenly sits bolt upright in bed, all traces of sleep gone.

“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” he promises to whoever’s on the other end, before lowering the phone and turning to stare at Carlos, terror obvious in his eyes.

“TK?” Carlos asks when he doesn’t speak, sitting up and slowly reaching out for him. TK startles at the contact, but quickly leans into it, covering Carlos’s hand with his own.

He swallows once, twice. “Buttercup’s sick,” he whispers. “Dad had to rush him to the vet’s. Carlos, what if… What if…”

He trails off, shaking his head viciously, as though he can erase the thought from his mind. Carlos quickly moves to steady him, stroking his thumbs across his cheekbones to calm him down.

“Let’s get dressed, okay?” he says, knowing reassurances won’t mean a thing right now. “Then we’ll go, and we’ll know more.”

TK just nods, quiet as they go through the motions of getting ready. Carlos makes sure to press an apple into his hand before they head out; he knows it will likely go uneaten, but it’s the only choice he has, given he knows that TK will refuse to stop for breakfast without finding out about Buttercup first.

If the drive back from Owen’s yesterday was silent, today’s is far worse. TK’s hands are constantly moving in Carlos’s periphery, alternating between fiddling with his apple, tugging on his clothes and hair, and rubbing at his face. On the rare occasion he does try to stay still, his hands end up twitching in his lap, followed by a sudden burst of anxious movement before falling back into some semblance of a pattern.

Carlos presses his lips into a firm line, accelerating more than is technically legal; at any other time he’d make a joke about how TK’s turning him into a criminal.

They’re forced to stop at a traffic light, and Carlos curses under his breath, getting jittery himself as the drive extends. He turns to check on TK, then curses again at the sight of his boyfriend’s pale face, his wide eyes and trembling body. TK gasps, then again and again, a hand going to his chest, and Carlos knows what this is.

A panic attack, but the second he reaches to help, the lights change and he’s forced to keep driving. He keeps one eye on TK the whole time, heart beating faster as he seems to get worse, and he’s thankful when he spots an opportunity to pull over, taking it immediately.

TK stares, shaking his head frantically and gesturing in a motion that Carlos takes to mean keep driving. His mouth opens and closes but he can’t form words, breaths coming short and fast. He folds in on himself when they stop, eyes closed and forehead almost touching his knees as his body heaves and shakes.

Carlos unbuckles himself and shifts as close as he can, placing one hand on TK’s back and taking his hand in the other, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. He’s had to do this a few times over the course of their relationship, shootings and kidnappings and disasters taking their toll on his boyfriend.

But that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

“You’re going to be okay,” Carlos says, pushing his own fears aside. “Just breathe slowly, in and out, that’s it; it’ll be over soon, I promise.”

He keeps it up, murmuring assurances he barely registers himself until the shaking lessens and TK’s breath slowly but surely begins to even out. He straightens in his seat, eyes still closed, and leans his head against the headrest.

Carlos pulls back, giving him a moment before he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

TK shakes his head, then immediately changes his mind and nods. Still, it takes him a few seconds to speak. “What if it’s the cancer, Carlos?” he asks, peeling his eyes open, despair written all over his features. “He could - He could die, he could be dying right this second, and I don’t know if I can handle that, not after everything else.”

“I know,” Carlos says. “You just have to remember that we don’t know anything yet, and you have to believe that Buttercup will be fine until we do know more. We’ll take it from there, and if it is the cancer - which, yes, it might be - then we’ll all be around to support each other. Buttercup’s strong, though, I’m sure he’ll fight whatever this is with everything he has. He’ll be fine.”

Carlos smiles, noticing how TK is pretty much hanging onto every word he says. He takes a deep breath, briefly looking away before continuing, “As will your dad.”

TK frowns. “Who said anything about my dad?”

“TK.”

He sighs, hanging his head. “You’re right,” he admits, “this is a little bit about my dad. The longer he puts off this surgery, the more scared I get that the cancer will come back and we won’t get as lucky this time. I know it’s stupid, and I know I should be focused on Buttercup right now, but…”

“But,” Carlos agrees, reaching out and squeezing TK’s hand. “It’s okay, and it’s not stupid at all, I promise you. Let’s just take this one thing at a time, okay? First, we’ll get to the vet’s and find out how Buttercup is, and then we’ll see about having another conversation with your dad - maybe telling him what you’ve told me?”

TK exhales shakily, then nods. “Okay. Okay.”

Carlos gives him a small smile, squeezing his hand once more before shifting back in his seat to keep driving. “I’ll be right by your side,” he can’t help but say. He’s sure TK already knows, but the reminder can’t hurt, especially after what just happened.

TK stays quiet, but Carlos doesn’t miss the mumbled, “I don’t deserve you,” from the passenger seat.

“Wrong,” he replies, eyes on the road. “You deserve the world.”

And, in his periphery, TK smiles.

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party-lemon · 3 years

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This month is Mental Health Awareness Month so I'd like to make a post talking about something that I don't actually see a lot of people talk about or address; health anxiety.

I have suffered with health anxiety/hypochondria for two years now and I suffer through it every day. Some days are worse than others.

When most people hear about health anxiety, the first thing they associate it with is "thinking a headache is a brain tumor." I've thought this numerous times but that's not the only thing I have to deal with.

Health anxiety makes you scrutinize everything or anything that seems even slightly off. It makes you hyper-aware of your heartbeat, your breathing, your thoughts, your speech. I keep track of bumps on my skin. I check my heart beat numerous times a day. I take deep breaths every once in a while to be sure that I am breathing correctly. It feels like an obsession.

And, of course, health anxiety is thinking that mild illnesses or symptoms are something more serious. I keep thinking my seasonal allergies are covid. I think stumbling on my words is a stroke. I think heart burn is a heart attack. I have thought that a headache is an aneurysm. I feel sick when I'm tired, it's part of being me, and I think I'm dying. The only reason I haven't gotten the vaccine yet is because I know I will worry about the side effects even though I know it will just be the side effects. Name anything that could have been slightly wrong with myself, anything at all, and it's highly possible that I have thought, at some point, that it is something serious.

When my health anxiety first started two years ago, I am almost entirely sure that it was only so bad because I made myself feel more sick than I really was.

I've always been a healthy person. The worst sickness I have had is a common cold or a stomach flu. Two years ago, I started drinking iced coffee more and one thing led to another, caffeine didn't agree with me, and I started having some heart burn caused by acid reflux. It was nothing major but I had never had heart burn before so I convinced myself that something was horribly wrong with me. I was freaking out so bad one night that I went to the ER. They gave me some stomach medication which only made me feel worse.

For six months, give or take, I was convinced that something was wrong. The health anxiety got so bad that, in the summer of 2019, I convinced myself almost every night that I was going to die in my sleep. I would stay awake until I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. I took sleeping medication and I fought it's effects because I was scared. I was so terrified of anything that was slightly wrong. I checked my heart beat constantly. I was miserable.

I have gotten better but some days are worse than others. I've found that any sort of distraction helps. It makes me take my mind away from fixating on anything that I deem slightly off. During the summer, when I don't have many distractions, it's worse.

I don't talk about this much with anyone. I don't have a therapist. The nights that I was afraid to sleep, I dealt with it myself. My coping mechanism is writing down how I feel, and that doesn't even work sometimes. I've worked through everything by myself. I wish I hadn't.

So, I guess, the point of this post is to raise more awareness about health anxiety. I don't see many people talk about it and so I want to let the few people that do have it know that they aren't alone. One of the reasons I didn't get help was because I thought people might think I'm crazy. Your thoughts may be irrational and maybe you know they are, like I do, and you still can't keep them away, but you aren't alone. It's okay to get help.

Thank you for reading.

#mental health #mental illness #mental heath support #mentalwellness #mental heath awareness #health anxiety #hypochondria #general glitchy things

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wyn-n-tonic · 3 years

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Golden, Like Daylight -- Part V

Word Count: 2,005 Warnings: PTSD. Allusions to sex (it borders on the edge of smut but we should know by now I'm shit at that). Hint of a praise kink. Bit of marking kink. Death. Ben Affleck. Author's Note: The last few chapters have taken a lot out of me, I put a lot of my own experiences with PTSD and mental health into them. I tried to make this fluffy, I needed that comfort after a hard week and I feel lighter for it. As always, thank you so much for your kind words and loving this like I do.

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

“Fuck you.” Benny stares straight into Tom’s eyes. "This is my fuck you money.” The held breaths are louder than gunshots, waiting for a reaction that doesn’t come.

Cold Camp Davis grunts a laugh, “We don’t have enough men to carry all this money so we might as well be warm.”

Benny giggles like a child as he grabs a strap, zippo clicking to ignition again.

The laughter that bubbles up is like a light, warmer than the thousands of dollars burning bright against his eyes.

Frankie, you might as well take your salary out on the front lawn and pour some kerosene on it.

He hears it so clearly in his head and in his heart, Leah teasing him for all the lights being on the first time he took her home.

Tom stands up, dumping an entire case down to tinder in the cold air.

Eight dates in and she’d already witnessed one of his attacks. It was the third date, he’d wanted to take her home that night. His body on hers for hours. Wanted to make breakfast the next morning, having already committed to memory the way she takes her coffee. Instead, she spent that night holding tightly to his hands as his panic crescendoed in the backseat of his car.

If it wasn’t then that he realized he loved her, it was in the way she turned to look at him when he quietly said,

The lights being on make me feel safe.

It wasn’t pity, like he’s used to. It wasn’t the look somebody gives a broken man with a broken mind and a broken soul. The only change he found in the already soft features was an understanding behind the dark eyes staring back at him.

This fire makes him feel safe now.

He’s always straining in the dark. It’s not just about watching his six. It’s all twelve hands on deck with two eyes and a ringing in his ears so intense he can feel it in his toes.

But here? It beats back against the edges of gloom that have continuously threatened to consume him.

He can sweep enclosed spaces in minutes, assess the situation and the danger within. It’s a lot harder in the extended wilds, nothing but the moon to guide the eye.

Before Leah—and for a while there after—he combed room for room upon his arrival home. He’d ask her to stay in the car, his conceal carry coming out as soon as the door would swing open.

He’d sheepishly grin, collecting her from the passenger side after his survey and she’d hug him. Holding tightly around his middle section, pressing her cold hands up under his shirt to that hot place where his heart beats and whisper with genuine gratitude,

Thank you for protecting me, Frankie.

It was never condescending, that’s all he ever wanted to do. Protect her. Protect himself. Protect the men giggling like schoolboys around him right now.

And he liked being told what a good job he did at that. —————

“What's Frankie short for?” Barely audible, her breath fanning across his chest as she continues to catch it. Like willing waves of normalcy in the aftermath of a hurricane.

“Francisco.”

“Francisco,” she repeats, dragging out the o. “Do you like it?”

“Used to make me feel like I was in trouble, very harsh coming from pissed off higher ups and even angrier parents but it sounds…” he thinks on that for a second, the events of the night still rippling through his body, “a lot sweeter in your mouth.”

“Watch yourself,” she hums a kiss into the flat plane of his breast before sinking her teeth into the flesh there, biting as hard as she can.

A chuckle vibrates from deep within him, “one hell of a bite too, I won’t soon forget.”

He looks down into her eyes, bright with mischief as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth now. He’d had hickeys before but never like this. He surveys the purple marks across his body, somehow burning brighter than the rest of him, and a contentedness pools in the pit of his stomach. Her stamps on him in easily hidden spaces to match the lipstick stains she’s started marking across his right cheek in the moments before they walk into the bar or the restaurant.

Little ways she says mine.

And he is hers. He knows it in the steady way his lungs rise and fall underneath her now.

He brushes a soft wave from where it tickles across her nose, “is Leah short for anything?”

Her nose scrunches, “not a goddamn thing.”

“Do you know what it means then?” His large hand is sprawled across her lower back, the weight of it an anchor.

Don’t leave me, it says.

“I don’t know,” she drawls, the slight twang coming forward in moments of exhaustion and inebriation, “just think my mama liked the sound of it is all.”

His heart is blazing underneath her cheek as she settles against him once more, her soft voice tumbles towards him, “Francisco…” as her eyelashes brush against his skin and he swears he can count them all on sensation alone.

“Yeah, baby?”

He feels a smile tug at her lips, stopped in its tracks where she’s rooted into him. It’s the first time he’s called her that.

“I have nightlights.”

The light makes her feel safe too. —————

He’s standing over Tom’s body and he hates to admit it but the feeling washing over him is one of relief.

Relief mingled with guilt.

Guilt that nobody was watching his six, his back wide open to the world behind it. Five seasoned fucking veterans and nobody watching the higher ground.

Relief at the silence he knows will engulf the group now. No more orders from a child who should’ve never been granted the lead to begin with.

Guilt because he was climbing up a fucking rock when he should’ve been doing his job as a friend and brother.

Relief that it wasn’t his brains splashed across stone.

His head is fucking pounding and it has been for days, pain dulled by consistency but never not there.

At least I can feel my fucking head.

He thinks of all the other things he can feel now, the things service beat from his body.

The ache in his limbs, heavy with exhaustion.

He’s dreading adding the dead weight of a dead body to the load.

The pang in his stomach, too used to consistently hot food.

He wants black coffee and bacon and tiny spoonfuls of sweet potato puree he airplanes into his own mouth to show Luna it won’t hurt her. Hell, he’d take the mushed peas right now.

Benny’s sobbing. The one amongst them all that never breaks is the broken one now.

He’s staring off again at everything and nothing, Santiago and Will unfurling bags for the body.

What a present to bring home.

It was always the risk they faced, they knew it.

If you were lucky, truly lucky, you came home whole. Untouched, unscathed, unmarred. The safe deployments, the technical shit, the brains behind the operations never seeing bloodshed. Everybody else though? Some were held together by duct tape and pure grit.

Others tied up in a flag with a bow.

Daddy’s not coming home but here’s a purple heart for the dress uniform he’ll never wear again.

I should’ve done more.

He’s not getting a purple heart for this.

I should’ve held on tighter.

He didn’t die in service to his country, he died in service to himself.

I should’ve made a bigger issue of the weight.

Another family he’s failed to protect.

I should’ve said no. —————

The darkness is cut through with a warm glow in every outlet as the clock tips over the edge of midnight.

Wednesday, the eleventh of October.

Nose to nose, the excitement of the day hangs over them like a wave threatening to crash. A giddiness in their bed forcing sleep to the edges of thought.

“Do you think they’re gonna know?” Her voice is soft, featherlight. Trying not to disturb the peaceful bubble they find themselves in now.

“No,” he lifts to press his lips gently into hers, “but I can’t promise I won’t shout it out on the altar.”

Panic takes her eyes, he knows it all too well and he’s gripping tighter before she can inhale. Fingers splayed across the small of her back, the weight of it a comfort to the tender bones and aching muscles.

I'm right here, it says.

“Breathe, breathe,” he’s speaking softly into her hair, “it was just a joke, baby.”

“You're not funny, Francisco Morales.” She speaks it like a fact, like she doesn’t spend hours in his arms filling his head with the music of her laughter. She says it like he isn’t watching smile lines appear in real time, falling more in love with each one.

“Would it be so bad though? If I did? If people knew?” It’s hope in his voice that she’ll say yes. That he can announce to his best friends all at once, every single one, before Santi leaves again. He doesn't want his happiness to arrive by text message. He wants to see the light of congratulation dancing around him.

“I don’t want to jinx it,” she’s scared, “besides… it’s not traditional.”

He scoffs, “what about us has ever been traditional, mi alma?”

“I'll make you a deal,” her fingers run through the stubble along his jaw, thumbs lingering over the patches, “don’t shave this tomorrow and you can tell the boys.”

“You want me to keep this malnourished shit on my face? For our wedding?”

Her giggles vibrate against him, “Yes. I have plans for it after you say I do.”

He growls, “this deal sounds pretty sweet to my lazy soul, what do you get out of it?”

“Hmm…” she brings her hand up to tap on her chin, “well, to begin, I’m getting a hot husba—”

“Debatable.”

“I'll fuck you up, Morales, take the compliment.”

He laughs a kiss into her, “what else?”

“Benny and Will will become automatic attack dogs around me, I’m fairly certain they will clear their schedules for all of April to stand guard outside the room. My own personal security team.”

He laughs again at the truth in her words, “what else?”

She pushes forward again, taking his lip between hers. A soft kiss with the burning desire for more.

“I’ll wake up on Thursday morning with a rawness between my legs that I’m usually only gifted on the weekends.”

His grip tightens, any suggestion of sleep leaving his body in a rush of blood straight through him, “I will never shave again.”

“Don't threaten me with a good time, my love.”

He rolls himself into her at that, kissing down her jaw. Her neck. The sensitive skin of her breasts, low lying cotton barely above indecency. He raises the hem, the curve of her belly burning hot against his lips, two hearts now beating inside her.

He grabs the elastic around her hips and gently pulls, kisses so soft across her pelvis they feign an innocence to his true intentions. Her legs kick out to help discard the fabric tangling her ankles as he settles broad shoulders at the base of her being.

Her fingers twirl through the soft curls that have been crushed against a pillow for hours by her side.

He kisses her soft thighs, slowly dragging his rough cheek against the delicate flesh.

“Francisco,” her fingers flex tighter as he looks up to meet her eyes, “don’t be such a fucking tease.”

He smiles wide, the devilish grin splitting his face as he drops his eyes to where she wants him, the fever that’s taken over her body in the last three months beckoning him in.

His hands are heavy on her hips, clenching deep purple into her. Marks in easily hidden spaces, his little ways of saying mine.

#frankie morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #francisco morales #i believe in francisco morales supremacy #triple frontier #fanfic #fanfiction #pedro pascal #oc #ofc #original character #original female character #francisco catfish morales #pedro pascal fanfiction

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myhauntedsalem · 3 years

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13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

#13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps #shared stories #paranormal #ghost and spirits #ghost and hauntings #haunted salem #myhauntedsalem

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dodo-begone · 3 years

Note

Loyal here, and back from the dead! Had some health issues and family drama, but I should be completely back now! I hope this all makes sense, I had to take Benadryl so I’m kinda out of it at the moment.

——

For those who have been interested in the idea of a reader from Undertale, I’m so happy! Anon who went into detail with how y/n might be forced into bringing out their soul? *chefs kiss* I love it. And with Ranboo or Techno doing it on accident because of the voice(s)? Then, when they snap out of it and see y/n begging this ‘Frisk’ person for mercy? AAAAAAA YES P L E A S E. I live for the angst and that concept quenched my thirst for it. When it comes to the resets, I think that most of what happened during them felt like dejavú to y/n when going through the Underground, making them give reactions similar to the monsters who seem to recall certain things when you play the game again. However, when it comes to the genocide route, I feel like they don’t remember anything. At least...not until they’re put under extreme stress, panic, trauma, etc., or if they’re in an intense life or death situation. Only then would they remember. But it’s messy when they do. They get thrown into a memory and basically have a mental breakdown. Whether they remember it once they calm down or not...? Up to you. Anyway, here’s some of my own ideas based off all this!

- In Ranboo’s case, I feel like he’d know who Frisk is and quite a bit about y/n’s world. He just seems like the type of person you could tell anything to and he’d listen. Because of this factor, I can see y/n having either already shown him their SOUL, or having planned to in the near future. He’d recognize the situation—a panic attack—and do everything in his power to calm y/n down. He isn’t the type to pry, so he wouldn’t mention the reader’s SOUL unless it seemed to be in really bad condition. He’d rather y/n come to him and open up on their own.

- It’s a cry fest. They’re both tearing up and telling the other not to cry. Y/n knows it wasn’t Ranboo’s fault and doesn’t want him hurting himself over it, especially because his tears hurt him. They forgive him, it’s okay. Ranboo feels incredibly guilty for what he’s done. And seeing them crying over what he did and the trauma he accidentally brought onto them? He’s crushed. You know those sappy movies where the main characters are comforting each other, crying but letting out choked/hiccuping laughter? Not because they find the situation funny, but because they both react the same way and just want what’s best for each other and it’s all around adorable? That’s them.

- But, if it’s yandere Ranboo? He’d probably see this as proof that y/n is far too fragile for this world. Clearly, they need someone to protect them. He’d most certainly feel guilty about what he’d done, but he may play it up a bit to get as much attention/sympathy/whatever from them.

- For Techno, unless he was there when y/n initially woke up in the SMP, I don’t think he’d believe them. So he probably doesn’t know shit (or, he at least knows the basics), unless he found out from someone else. That’s just my opinion tho. Either way, I believe he’d think it’s all bullshit. However, he wouldn’t force an encounter to prove his point. He has at least some decency. No he doesn’t. I feel like he’d remind y/n of just how hostile monsters Underground were in the beginning, so they’d be weary around him. (I’m doing flat out yandere for him from now on bc that’s all I can think of rn)

- If he doesn’t know who Frisk is, I see him being slightly insulted that they think of some random stranger—as far as he’s aware—who clearly hurt them. He’d never do that! He—oh shit, he kinda sorta did do that...

- If he does know who Frisk is and is romantically interested in y/n, he’d probably be peeved that they’re basically referring to him as their sibling. He gets that they’re going through a traumatic episode but c’mon! He’d end up pushing the thought aside to help them. However, he may be slightly petty for the next few days.

- Keeping on the romantic yandere side, I see him possibly making the situation worse even if it isn’t his intention to. Whether he’s told by y/n or someone else, he at least knows what their SOUL is and what it stands for (even if he didn’t believe it till now). So here’s his little darling, all curled up and clutching their SOUL to their chest like it’s their lifeline. Oh, wait, it is. Sure, he’s surprised that it’s real, but any shock he would’ve felt is replaced by awe and he can’t help but notice how mesmerizing it is. So, he forcefully gently pulls their arms away from their chest, cooing at them and saying that everything’s fine, and removes their hands from the entity so he can get a better look at it. He watches as the (color) heart bobs slightly up and down, and can’t help but be surprised by how warm it feels against the palms of his calloused hands when he cups it. Any whimpers and pleas from y/n begging for their soul to be returned are blocked out. All he can focus on is the SOUL in front of him, the very culmination of their being, and how small it is. This little thing, that takes damage whenever their body does, that physically appears whenever they are in a fight, is what keeps them alive? That won’t do. Not at all. This land is far too dangerous for them! They better get used to his cabin, for as far as Techno’s concerned, it’s their new world home.

——

And Tommy forcing them into an encounter because he thinks it’s all bullshit? That would definitely happen. He’d feel so guilty once he sees the look of betrayal in y/n’s eyes and the disappointment that shows on the faces of anyone who had seen the forced encounter. As if they too weren’t curious. He noticed that no one stopped him. Let’s be honest. Most would be too curious to interfere.

- Y/n probably falls to their knees, cupping their SOUL in the palms of their hands. They know that Tommy wouldn’t actually hurt them, but they can’t help but feel as though their boundaries have been pushed aside, as though one of their only requests meant nothing to everyone. Tears slip and it takes watching the glowing heart, being lost in their own world as they mentally count every rhythmic bob to ground them. Once their breathing calms and their sobs turn into hushed whimpers, they push their SOUL back into their chest and stare at the ground, unsure of what to do next.

- Tommy definitely acts a hundred times more mature in the following moments. Depending on when in the DSMP timeline this occurs, he’d either be confident—and rightfully so—in his ability to help someone during a panic attack, or be hesitant, unsure of what to do, fumbling with his words and motions, but trying his damn hardest to help nonetheless. Either way, I see y/n appreciating it. Y/n literally come from a world where they would befriend creatures ten seconds after they genuinely tried to kill them and their sibling. I don’t see them holding a grudge. They’d most likely be slightly weary in the following twenty to thirty minutes, but get over it. After all, they’ve always chosen MERCY. Can’t say the same for their sibling, though. Tommy’s extra cautious about what he says or does around them after that.

- I feel like after a few weeks or months, y/n may bond enough with Tommy to want to show how much they trust him by bringing out their SOUL. Especially if they’re there through all the hell that Tommy goes through story-wise. To them, it’d probably be their way of telling him that they trust him with their life, and that they’ll always be on his side.

- Yandere or not, he does everything in his power to protect y/n if they remain weary of encounters. He’ll either find a way to avoid a fight, not wanting to hurt y/n by doing anything that would make him gain this supposed LOVE that comes from their world, or he’d do enough damage to allow them to escape without anyone or anything dying.

- If y/n discovers that they’re able to befriend the monsters of this world like they could their own, regular Tommy would respect that. He may be a bit antsy if the encounter drags on or if y/n sustains some damage, but he knows that they know what they’re doing. As previously mentioned, he’ll get involved if things go south, but he won’t kill anything. At least, not in front of them. Gotta get bones, blaze powder, and spider eyes somehow. But even then, he does it sparingly out of respect for y/n’s wishes. That, or he’ll have someone else get materials for him.

- Yandere Tommy wouldn’t risk shit. You can’t just talk to mobs, you idiot! You’ll die if you do that! And you’ve only got one life! He’d threaten to kill mobs right in front of y/n if it’d get them to stop trying to play house with disgusting monsters. That, or he may force y/n into killing. Their HP, AT, and DF increase when their LOVE increases, right? So they have to if they want to survive!

——

I agree with the anon that Dream and Vilbur would definitely force y/n into an encounter. Yandere or not. If yandere, they’d probably become obsessed with the concept of SOULS and constantly pressure them into bringing it out. They use it as a nightlight JKJKJK.

- Ya know how in Deltarune, Kris yeets their SOUL into a cage? Well, imagine that, but it’s forcefully taken by Dream. He’d put it in a glass container and show it off like some damn trophy. That, or he hides it away where no one can find it. Vilbur would do the same but keep the SOUL on his person at all times. That way no one forgets who y/n belongs to. To him, it’d show power and ownership. Much to his pleasure and mostly everyone else’s disgust.

- I’d also add Schlatt to the list of people that force an encounter, as well as yandere Sam. Schlatt would pull it out in front of everyone to show how much power he can hold ever someone, or, to use as a shield when he thinks Pogtopia will attack. They wouldn’t want to hurt an innocent person who’s got a little sibling waiting for them at home, would they? With Sam, he’d do it to make sure that y/n is in perfect health. Can’t risk there being any cracks or the SOUL being dim! Following Tommy’s death and revival, he’d probably do the same as Vilbur, keeping their SOUL with him and never letting it out of his sight. However, instead of doing it out of a show of power like Vilbur, it’s out of paranoia. He can’t lose you too. He has to know that you’re okay!

——

For some fluff, here’s who I think y/n would eventually trust enough to show their SOUL:

- Tommy (as mentioned earlier)

- Ranboo (also mentioned earlier)

- Tubbo (he reminds them too much of Asriel to not trust him with their SOUL)

- Captain Puffy (same as Tubbo, but for Toriel)

- Ghostbur (he’s just so nice!! How could they not? Besides, he sometimes reminds them of Napstablook! They probably call Ghostbur Blooky a lot on accident and the ghost just learns to roll with it LOL)

- Karl! (After hearing about this person who comes from a world with timelines and basically time travel, he can’t help but be interested. He’s losing so much, he needs someone who might possibly understand. They both share a similar hatred towards the concept of time travel/resets and the amount of pressure it puts on a person’s shoulders. That, and the lack of memories, even if they‘be both been effected by this in different ways)

- Bad (before he’s corrupted by the egg, of course. He’s so sweet omg. Besides, his personality gives me Toriel vibes)

I personally don’t see them trusting Philza enough, no matter how much he reminds them of Asgore. Then again, the King of Monsters is the one who basically put a bounty on their SOUL. He also refused their MERCY and forced them to FIGHT. Besides, when they hear from others—or see it for themself—that Philza kills his own son? I don’t think they’d ever forgive that. No matter what happens. You should refuse death, because there’s always another option. They’d know first hand, after all. With having their SOUL broken in half and pieced back together thanks to their own sheer will to live. To protect their sibling and save their friends. The battle against Asriel taught them so much, and they’d never take life for granted again thanks to it. “Asgore, though I may not stand by his methods of taking the SOULS of innocents—children, no less—I understand why he did it. He lost both of his children, his pride and joy, at the hands of humans. The real monsters of this w—of my world. He would have given anything to get them back. And you, you just throw your son’s life away? How could you?! Do you know how many beings, Monsters and humans alike, would sacrifice everything just to see their loved ones one more time? To take their place? To save them from a brutal death by the hands of those who want your SOULS? To see their small body covered in blood and burns or spears. Only for their death to have been meaningless, for their SOUL had shattered before it could be collected and used? When it should have been you, their big sibling, to take their place?” Yeah... they’ve definitely got some issues they need to deal with LOL. I personally headcanon that even if Frisk wasn’t able to reset, their soul would have been useless when it came to breaking the barrier because that thing shattered into PIECES. What would the monsters do? Use gorilla glue and hope the damn thing stays together?

——

Imagine how different characters, Yandere or not, would react to y/n’s soul shattering. Especially if it’s because y/n took a hit for them.

ALRIGHT THATS IT AND IM GOING TO SLEEP LOL

Omg that’s so much. It’s all so fucking good but I am just overwhelmed by how much is here because I want to answer it all but,,,

IT’S SO GOOF NIGHTLIGHT SOUL JANSJS PLEASE HAHA that’s just hilarious.

Also putting the soul in cages? YES THAT’S SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT TO BRING UP!!! Vilbur wanting to own while Sam wants to protect. Both lead to a similar end. An emotionless reader with no care for themselves or others. Just a rogue being. A zombie, I’d you will. But not dumb. Oh not dumb at all.

Also putting the soul in a jar??? I ca see DreamXD doing the same, if not similar. Ooo maybe he wears their souls on him? Trapping it in a piece of jewelry to display your “loyalty” and “love” to him.

I’m sorry I’m just not feelin too good.

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babiesdreams · 3 years

Text

Cry for me kim dongyoung

Warnings: death of a character, blood and mentions of violence, mental health issues :]

This is part of the collab with @slightlymore

What shall define a Kingdom’s faith? If war brings hunger and death, Illness and misery, and peace is meant for the weak ones. What is the real goal of a king? Is is power? Trust? Love? Benevolence? Or is it just an infinity war for a land of nobody, while people still die from hunger? If a man cannot be trusted to make the simple task of protecting the kingdom, I shall do it instead.

“I told you a hundred times, you are not going to this war” Your father’s firm voice gets you more and more furious over time. “I don’t care what you want. I’m the future queen. I know how to fight. Let me go to war!” You order him, but he stays still, not allowing a single protest out of your mouth after he says “Take her to her room” Your furrowed brows don’t help to soften his expression nor his heart, and soon you’re yet again imprisoned in your room.

You look into the mirror, cursing over your destiny and tears start appearing in your eyes. “I will go to that bloody war” You slowly whisper to yourself. There’s truly a lot of things you could lose in there, but your father shouldn’t go by any circumstances, he barely recovered from his last injury, going to war was a clear death. And he didn’t want you to do something about it? No way. You weren’t just a princess, you were the future queen, and you were going to fight like one.

So when everyone left the castle in March, you started taking your plan to action. You made every maid of the castle gather around, making a plan together as to how you should get into war. Some of them decided to remain in the castle, one of them pretending to be you. And the rest got their armour from the castle's hidden rooms, along with sharp swords.

Months of practice were required before you could properly leave the castle. So by June, you all got the best horses and rode them across the kingdom until getting to the border with the problematic neighbour kingdom. You ride your horse with grace, hurting the enemies that got on your way. The heavy metal helmet over your head, covered your famous face from the warriors. And when you stop, right in the middle of the battlefield, you are able to notice the amount of blood that paints the ground with a scary shade of red.

You look everywhere, impatient to find your father, hopefully lost in the crowd. But he’s nowhere to be seen, making your desperation grow inside of you. Your allies keep fighting different enemies in different positions around you, which makes you kind of the center of attention, as you’re still not fighting anyone. You notice a strong presence coming your way when you hear horse steps nearby. You lift the heavy sword, easily, compared with how hard it was during your training. The sharp weapon points directly to the unknown figure.

“Have you seen the king?” You ask as low as you possibly can, trying to hide the fact that you were a woman. Your breaths get heavier as time passes by, the thought of being vulnerable in front of the enemy wasn’t really pleasant. “You mean your king?” He says, looking down at the refined decoration over your horse, with your kingdom’s colors. “Yes” You simply reply, analyzing him as well. His horse was slightly injured and the soldier’s leg was bleeding out over the white horse’s skin.

“I haven’t seen him” His tone seems somehow suspicious, but you’re not quite sure if it’s the fact that he doesn’t trust you or the fact that he indeed knew where your father was. “I see you’re injured, I won’t fight an injured man. But I won’t hesitate to fight back if you attack me” Your words come out with anger, kind of losing your manly tone, but still not as high-pitched to make it suspicious. “Let’s not harm each other then” He says, making his horse run into the crowd again.

You get off your dark skinned horse, looking into the animal’s eyes, finding comfort in them, and after a few seconds, you start running around the battlefield, in search of your father once again. It doesn’t take you a lot of time to find his body, agonizing on the ground, while the soldier you left behind minutes ago was standing right next to his body. “DAD” You shouted, running even faster towards him.

You get your helmet off your head, kneeling next to his lying figure, caressing his face, completely covered in his own blood. “Why did you come here?” He asks slowly, sounding almost as a whisper. “Why did you come? You were already sick. We- We have to take you back to the castle, If we are fast enough-” His raspy voice stops you from talking any further. “This is the end. Don’t worry about me, but the kingdom, that’s what being a queen means”

Tears fall down your cheeks, until they are stopped by his big hand, wiping them off. “Dad” You call him in between loud cries. “I love you, more than anyone” He whispers, as his eyes close slowly, losing the last bits of life in him. Your cries get louder, as you hold onto his big cold hands, giving yourself a second to process it. After a while, you get up, slowly, supporting yourself on the ground as you do, and then you lift your sword up screaming “Who killed him? Who killed the king?” Your eyes fix on the bloody ground and, this time with a lower tone you ask “Who killed my father?”

Everyone’s eyes are on you, contemplating the scene, without saying anything nor making a single sound. “I did” The tall boy in front of you says, getting his helmet off. That’s when you realize the man you spared minutes ago, the man you felt bad about, was not only the enemy’s king, but also your father’s killer. “You….” You say slowly, lifting your head, to look at Doyoung’s face, as he breathes in and out, recovering from his battle. “I’m gonna kill you” You scream, lifting your sword in his direction, but a strong arm stops you. “Let him be” Mark whispers in your ear.

Mark was your father’s bestman, always protecting him and the reason why he survived previous wars, so for you, the fact that he was defending Doyoung made no sense at all. “Why?” You ask him, starting to cry once again. “Why shouldn’t I kill him?” Your screams make the boy step back, letting you do whatever you wanted, but the moment your sword touches Doyoung’s neck, making a light cut on it, you realize how you’re unable to do it, even if you wanted to. “I’m not like you” You tell him, getting your sword off his skin.

“Let’s go home” You tell Mark, as you walk away from the scene.

Once in the castle, everything gets cleared out by Mark. “Your father wanted peace between the two kingdoms, that’s why we can’t attack them from now on” His calm voice starts explaining. “How are we gonna be in peace, he killed the king” You protest at his words.

“They don’t know that, and you two…” Something in the way he stops his sentence, scares you out. “What? We two what?” Your concerns can be noticed in the way you speak. “He ordered you two to get married” The boy says, looking down, already knowing what your reaction was gonna be like. “Married?! Are you crazy? I’m not gonna marry anyone and I won’t marry my father’s killer. There’s no way I’m doing that.”

“People don’t like to be under a woman’s control” Mark says with a low voice. “I’m the Queen, I’ve been preparing for this moment my whole life, and I don’t need to marry him or anyone to be a good Queen”

“I know that, but they don’t” Mark says slowly. You try to think of the situation, if your father ordered that, there might be a reason. But then, again, he was killed by that boy, that wasn’t a good sign. How were you gonna even appreciate him, he was so… disgusting in your eyes. And people would even expect you to have kids.

The only thing you really wanted was to make decisions about the kingdom, help people, change unfair situations, just be a good Queen, like your father taught you. But you knew how people didn’t like the way a woman could govern a whole kingdom on her own, so maybe he was right and you needed to get married in order to get what you wanted. Also, marrying him meant stopping the war in between the two kingdoms and letting soldiers rest, the economy get better, and in general help your kingdom grow.

“I’ll think about it” You tell him, before you run towards your room. You take off the last pieces of the heavy armor, and look into the big mirror in front of you, recalling the moment of your father’s death. You can’t help but be mad about him. Your father wasn’t a bad soldier, and that boy was injured, he could’ve won for sure. You sigh loudly, letting yourself fall onto your big bed. Your eyes look at the ceiling, as you keep thinking about what happened and how it happened.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Doyoung’s horse fastly gets closer to the given position. The pact was clear, the king had to die in order to regain peace in between the two kingdoms. Since he killed Doyoung’s father in the previous war, people weren’t so happy about him, but his daughter was seen with different eyes. Everyone admired her fierce yet peaceful personality and her beautiful looks. So the king agreed on having a fake honor death, to let the kingdoms live in peace.

The young boy gets off his horse, slowly walking towards the already injured old man. “Are you sure about it?” He asks, with a low voice tone, and the old man simply nods, not fighting back to the sword’s pain. He falls onto the ground. Pain could be perceived in his eyes, as he tried his best not to scream nor cry. Doyoung kneels down next to him, and grabbing his hand he whispers “Let go, it won’t hurt as bad” But the old man’s pride was over the need for rest. A smile forms on Doyoung’s face, as in his head the image of that man turns into his own father’s last moments.

Heavy steps are heard nearby, making him stand again. When he sees that girl arrive all he can think about is the moment he found his father’s dead body, feeling compassion about the situation, he steps aside. The whole scene passes by pretty fastly, almost like the boy didn’t want to go through that at all. “Let’s go home” He whispered with a low, concerned voice to his best man, who had been watching all along, wanting to make sure he was alright, yet too scared to interrupt.

The ride home felt eternal for both of them. On one hand Doyoung couldn’t stand how Renjun checked on him as if he was some sort of sick man, unable to control his feelings. And on the other hand, the young new princess was battling over sadness and anger, getting a bittersweet sensation after her father’s death.

“So, you already love her” Renjun says, giving up on his never ending questions and letting his back rest on the carriage’s soft seat. “Where does that come from?” He asks, raising a brow to the shocked boy. “Were you even listening?” His offended voice made Doyoung’s blood boil out of anger. “I was, and you just came up to that idea out of nowhere” He defensively replies, getting his handkerchief to apply some pressure over his injury.

“I care about the kingdom Renjun, like my father did” His voice starts off sounding firm and calmed, as it was usual on him, but as the word father comes in, a sad and melancholic tone can be appreciated too. “Okay, I was just saying that your eyes soften when they look at her face” The young boy replies without a single hint of empathy for Doyoung, who simply sighs as an answer.

But it was certainly something growing inside the young King’s heart, something he hardly got to experience throughout his life. Something confusing and fascinating.

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It was finally the big day, and you couldn’t help but curse over your own name, for accepting such a simplistic and unwanted future for yourself, for letting every single drop of ambition drown and disappear in a lake of sadness. Destiny wasn’t your main belief, but certainly this wasn’t made for you.

“I’m just saying that I don’t even appreciate him, I hate that man” You scream to Guangheng, who was the butler assigned to help you prepare for the wedding, while he could also make sure that you wouldn’t run away. “It needs to be done” He replies, with a simple and emotionless voice tone, which makes you return to reality, realize why you were doing this and how you needed to go along with it.

“Hey” Mark enters the room, instantly noticing the heavy atmosphere and comprehending the situation. “Hey, look if you don’t want to do this it’s fine, we can always run away right?” He looks at you for reaffirmation but all he gets is a sad look. “Right?” He repeats, looking at the serious butler now, who replies with a deadly glare that speaks on its own. “You guys are really no fun at all. Look most of the queens marry the old ugly king and get some affairs right after, you got a young decent looking man, I wouldn’t protest if I were you” His words get inside your head, making you mad at him, maybe just projecting the anger you felt about yourself onto someone else, to make the guilt fly away for a second.

“Then be me” You simply reply grabbing your crown and placing it over the boy’s head. Remember the make the guilt fly away thing? Well, it didn’t work.

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“Yes I do” Doyoung’s eyes were truly filled with that something that only Renjun could notice, the way he looked at the girl wasn’t usual on the young king, but for those, who weren’t used to being around him it could be impossible to notice. “Yes I do” The contrast in the girl’s voice, body language and expression, were enough to tell apart the difference between who was being forced to get married and who wasn’t.

The wedding went on as usual royal weddings do, a lot of celebration and happiness, from everyone except the married couple. But the spacious garden of the queen’s castle was lonely enough for her to think and get a break from acting happy. You see, there’s sometimes that sorrow can’t be completely buried under a fake smile. And that’s what the queen was going through, even if she thought the king wouldn’t notice the way her eyes were full of tears, that wasn’t enough to fool him.

She was sitting on an old looking swing, decorated with all sorts of flowers, making it look like another branch of the big old tree it was hanging on. “Do you come here often?” Doyoung’s voice in the distance is the last thing that the girl wanted to hear, since all she was seeking at the moment was peace and silence.

“Go away please” Her forced voice whispers, and even if it’s the softest kind of sound that you could possibly imagine, the boy hears it as clear as if it was his own thoughts, but still he pretends like he didn’t, just to have an excuse to get closer to the girl that he could now call his wife. “That corset might hurt” He points out when he notices the restrictive piece of clothing on the girl’s white dress. “It does, but I can’t take it off” She replies, fixing her sight away from the boy, since every look inside his dark eyes made her blood boil.

“May I?” The boy asks, almost touching the girl’s corset laces. “Sure” She simply replies, making the boy’s fingertips grab the laces carefully as his skillful hands were unmaking the tight hold of the said corset. He tied it in a way that it still looked somehow tight but without the pressure that it implied. “Are you used to working with corsets?” The girl asks with an ironic tone, hiding her genuine curiosity.

“My mother taught me how to tie and untie them” His gentle voice replies, as he sits on the ground, full of soft flowers that almost feel like sitting over a cloud. “Have you worn them?” She asks, turning her head slightly, not enough to look at him, but definitely enough to let him see her face. “I did. It’s a nice protection from swords” His words were genuine, but it sounded unreal.

“You’re telling me that you’ve worn corsets for fights?” The girl asks, with a noticeable doubt tone to her sentence, provoking the boy to chuckle as he nods. Doyoung’s gentle hands slowly lift his shirt, revealing a white corset tied even tighter than the girl’s one. “Oh” The girl just says processing the unusual situation.

After a short but painfully awkward silence, both laugh nervously. “I’m sorry about your dad” Doyoung says with a serious and low voice tone which completely breaks the peaceful atmosphere. “Wow, you really are incredible” The girl says, standing up from the swing and walking away, without letting him protest for a single second.

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You start running only when you’re sure he can’t see you anymore. Tears keep falling down your cheeks as you repeat to yourself how stupid you have been, by letting the idea of the young king being good to appear in your brain. You were by the lake, sitting on the soft grass as your now bare feet touched the freezing water, provoking goosebumps to run all over your body.

“He’s not that bad” Mark’s voice sounded in the distance and you instantly stopped crying, not wanting him to see you being vulnerable. “I don’t care about what my dad said, nor what people think of me. I don’t need a man and I certainly don’t need him” Your voice is firm and steady, not hesitating about the words that have been on your mind for quite a long time now.

“Well it’s too late to say that, don’t you think?” Mark sits next to you, getting his expensive looking shoes off so that he could feel the cold water as well. “Don’t you think people will pity a sad widow?” You ask, finally looking at the boy’s face. His eyes fix on yours, processing what you just said. “You know you could never kill him” His soft voice whispers, as he looks down to the grass.

Your hand looks for the bottle you’ve been working on for the past months, showing it off to him. Mark looks at the glass bottle, and its black content, laughing right away. “If the thought of it makes you feel better, you can work on poison for years, but you know you’re not that type of person”

“But what if I am? What if I want to avenge my father? Can’t I?” The emotions in your voice are more than noticeable, nobody expected you to act like nothing happened, so there’s no surprise in Mark’s eyes when he notices tears filling your eyes. His hand cups your cheek softly, caressing your soft skin in slow motions. “You don’t need to go through this alone” He whispers, getting closer to you as he does.

“I wish we could be kids again” You say, sniffing as you try to get your tears out of the way. “Okay, what if” He says, smiling at his sudden thoughts. “What if?” You ask intriguedly, looking at the boys eyes directly. “What if we act like we did when we were kids, just today, and then we go back to our boring adult lives” You smile at his idea. “Just today” You repeat, grabbing his hand, still on your right cheek and once more, the boy repeats “Just today”

You stand up, untying the knot Doyoung previously left on your corset. Slowly you get the different pieces of clothing off you until you are just in your underwear and just then, you jump into the lake. The freezing water feels somehow warmer, as your body is filled with adrenaline. Shortly after you feel the big splash of water when Mark jumps in, swimming closer to you. “It used to be warmer back then” The boy says shivering because of how cold it was. You laugh at his cute reaction to the lake’s water. “It’s winter you dummy, of course it’s colder” You say, patting his head, as if it would warm him.

“How come you are not cold?” His cute voice asks, almost like a whisper, but this time it’s not because he wanted to, but because he really couldn’t talk louder. You grab his shoulders and pull him closer to you, giving him a hug to help him warm up. His arms grab your waist, pulling you even closer and, slowly he begins to understand the nature of your warmth.

As kids you two would always play around, train, fight, swim, jump, run, but now you were forced to stay in the palace, put on corsets, smile, and “act like a queen” this jump, even the party was the most exciting thing you’ve done since the war finished. His hug tightens, as he thinks about what you had to go through, how you had to forget who you were, and what you loved for something you didn’t even ask for. “Are you okay?” You ask him, feeling how his body stopped shivering a few minutes ago.

“I am” He whispers, caressing your hair with his hand. “You know, I’ve always loved your hair” You laugh nervously, not understanding what’s gotten into the boy. “When we were kids you said it was your pride, and you never let anybody cut it, or touch it”

“You’re right” You say slowly, remembering how you used to be in those times. “And you always tried to touch it, just to make me mad” You add, smiling at the innocent memories. “Until the day you let me” He pulls off the hug slowly, as he looks at your face cupping your cheek with his cold hand. “I hope that the king earns to touch it as much as I did” You smile, getting closer to him. “He will never be like you” You say and the boy only replies with a kiss on your forehead, before he swims away, and gets out of the lake.

“You better get dressed before someone undesirable passes by” He says and, after a second he walks away.

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It was a mix of feelings, a really confusing one. Watching from the distance truly felt like something wrong to be doing, but the way she smiles, has fun, the way she looks at him… That’s all Doyoung was seeking for. It was strange to feel this way for a girl he barely knew, but deep inside he felt like he had known her for his whole life, and having the dramatic story in between them seemed like an unfortunate and cruel destiny.

But when the boy’s hand rests on the girl’s cheek, it is too much for the young king to handle. His blood was boiling from jealousy so he decided to let it go and walk into the party again. The girl’s palace was really different from what he was used to. The boy always lived in his dark Gothic castle that looked more like a giant empty cathedral, always with a lot of rules to follow and ridiculous restrictions to one’s behaviour. But this castle was light, colorful, and you could feel the freedom within every step you took over the marble floor.

Doyoung gets lost in the feeling of that unusual freedom that could have overwhelmed the strongest person in the world, but a gentle touch of a familiar hand, wakes him up from his trance. “How is your married life going?” Renjun asks with a soft yet deep voice, making sure that the question wouldn’t sound too harsh or personal.

“It’s hard to tell a difference, when we barely talk to each other” The boy replies, getting one of the numerous glasses filled with an unknown alcoholic beverage that he took in in a single gulp. “She’s a hard girl to get” The innocent boy replies and immediately Doyoung’s hand is over the boys neck, warning him as he slowly says “Don’t you dare talk shit about her in my presence”

“Calm down” Renjun whispers, taking the older’s hand off his own neck. The looks that both of them exchange is enough for them to communicate to each other how they feel in that exact moment.

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The cold sensation of the water was fastly replaced with a warm one as your body entered the hot bath water, full of rose petals and bubbles. You wouldn’t normally take a bath, since just a shower seemed more than enough for you, but this was on the castle maids, and you couldn’t refuse a special gift like that.

The bathroom was positioned right next to the shared bedroom so when Doyoung entered after the party was over, you could perfectly hear him. In your mind, your plan was already plotting itself, you could try to be nice and offer him a cup of tea with a few drops of poison and after that, the throne would be all yours, no king, no limits, just you. So you, excited for the plan, got out of the bathtub, slowly drying your body with a soft white towel.

The moment you got out of the bathroom, you could feel it in his eyes, the way he stared at you, he was suspecting something from you for sure. “Would you like a cup of tea?” You sweetly ask and he simply hums as a reply. You were now pouring the boiling water over the leaf pieces, making a scented steam go everywhere around the house. You made sure to pour just enough poison to kill him without making it obvious that you did.

He grabs the cup with two fingers, trying his best not to burn himself in the process. “Under any other circumstances I would have let you do this. But I have a promise to keep, therefore, I won’t drink your poison, hope you understand” His sweet soft voice says, as he walks into the bathroom, spilling the tea on the sink. You look at him, both confused and surprised.

“Why aren’t you angry?” You whisper, almost as if you didn’t want him to hear you. “Because I would have done the same thing if I were you” The boy clears out. You can only find yourself speechless, as you watch his body disappearing through the big doors. “I will sleep in another room, until you want to share a bed” He says just before the doors close.

Heavy breathing isn’t new for you, but this time, it feels like you are not breathing at all, your chest hurts, your head gets dizzy and the world gets blurry. You try your best to breathe normally, but all you can really do is cry yourself to sleep. You almost killed a man, the man you married, just to get more power for your own, and you still wanted to think that you were all about satisfying people’s needs.

Dreams are a weird thing to describe and so are nightmares, but it’s obvious you’re in one when monsters appear, or when someone who is dead, is still alive.

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A scream wakes the young king up, and as soon as he identifies who it comes from, he gets even more worried than he already was from the initial shock. He gets his sword and runs over to the big bedroom where the queen was resting, and when he opens the door he finds her bleeding and crying loudly.

He sits next to her before even making sure there’s nobody else in the room. He tries to calm her down, while he makes sure the injury on her dorsal is only a superficial cut and nothing to be worried about. “Hey, hey look at me, everything is fine, okay?” He cuts his shirt off, tying the fabric around the wound to stop the blood from coming out. His hands rest now on the girl’s cheeks, carefully caressing her soft skin.

His firm grip on the queen’s face forces her to look into his dark hypnotizing eyes. Tears slowly drop from her eyes, making two small waterfalls to form on her cheeks. “Who did this?” Doyoung asks and she can only cry harder as she gets into a warm tight hug from the boy.

The situation is still unclear a couple of hours later, now having the whole castle workers in the room makes it look far more serious. Of course, an attempt of killing the queen was a serious topic, but the dense atmosphere created by all the different eyes focused on the queen’s stomach was pretty much useless, except for the anxiety growing up inside the girl’s head.

Yet everyone left with the firm words of the new king, who made sure nobody except him and the queen were now in the room. The cut stopped bleeding almost completely by now and just the look in his eyes could ask the question without the need of words, but he asked it anyway “Who did this?”

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Words come and go in your mind and there’s no actual way to focus on something to understand what’s going on or what people are saying, but his voice, you hear his voice clear and loud, as if it was the only sound in the world. “Who did this?”

But that was not a question you could properly answer. There was no right answer since the root of the problem was nobody’s fault. Yet the carrier of the knife had a name, and that name was yours. So you decide to stay silent and show him the knife you were still holding in your hands.

“I’m sorry” was the only thing you managed to say to the confused looking boy. He didn’t question it tho. He, instead, decided he would protect you in a way you were far from understanding. But let’s not anticipate events.

His body laid right next to yours, his large hands, were posed over your injured stomach, making it feel better. Making you feel safe. But the constant reminder of the moment you went out of control, the moment you harmed yourself without being able to stop it nor control it in any way kept haunting you.

But every thought you had, disappeared with the sound of his voice, his sweet and lovely voice as he started singing an old lullaby. It seemed effortless but, at the same time, he was hitting all the right notes. And just like that the sweet and calmed melody made you fall asleep instantly.

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There isn’t a real connection between strangers, but enemies just have that undertone added to their lore that seems almost right to fall in love with each other. That’s the reason for the thought that enemies and lovers are such similar concepts. Both have that dramatically intense feeling to it. And that’s how the queen felt.

A man that she could’ve been happy to see dead was gently caressing her hair in an empty bedroom with such a romantic atmosphere and she was in fact feeling it. Doyoung, on the other hand, he felt completely different. Since he was a little boy he had been told how the enemies could never be trusted and how he should fight to death for his kingdom.

But for the boy, the idea of hating that peaceful looking girl, as she fell asleep on his lap to the sound of his voice, was something he could’ve never done. He always imagined how he would marry someone like her when he was a kid. But he wasn’t fully conscious of the responsibility that it all implied. It is hard for someone who hardly ever socialized to get into a romantic relationship. And he realized in the moment that he noticed she was a human, who makes mistakes and has stuff to deal with, just like him, just like everyone.

It’s a weird thing to think about when you are lonely, but being next to someone isn’t always like we all imagine, and certainly Doyoung had never thought of it that way. We all picture our perfect partner to be there at all times, to have a perfect life and to be able to listen to our concerns but love is far away from that concept. The level of complexibility implied can be at times suffocating.

But the good part about it is that the boy truly loved her, and there was nothing that could make him feel differently. Therefore his gentle long fingers kept on caressing the soft skin of the girl’s face until he helplessly fell asleep as well.

The morning light brought with it a nice and warm feeling as the sunlight rested gently over the couple. Doyoung was quick to wake up as he was used to strict schedules. His first thought that morning was about the posture he fell asleep to, with the girl on his arms, kind of compromising him and making him hesitate to move. And even with the awkwardness that it implied, he couldn't hide his smile.

Masterlist –requests open–

#nct imagine #nct reactions #kpop #kpop imagine #nct #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop scenario #nct scenarios #requests open #doyoung fanfic #doyoung imagines #doyoung #doyoung nct #nct127

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quiteaweirdworld · 4 years

Text

Anxiety- JJ x Reader

Synopsis: Detailed story of Y/N having a really bad anxiety day. It’s a realistic story, a.k.a. JJ doesn’t immediately solve everything with a kiss. Anxiety is real, it is a struggle, and I tried to portray it as best I could. Based on my own experiences with anxiety. I feel it’s really important for this fandom to have works that aren’t sugar-coated, and that actually show the truth about these mental health issues. I hope this helps you!

Requested: nope

Inspired: Mental Health Awareness Month!

Warnings: YES! Mentions of anxiety, including anxious spiral, self-loathing, and detailed description of anxiety attack. Do not read if you might be triggered by these descriptions.

Contains: whump, soft JJ (my brand), anxiety, fluff, hopeful ending

Words: 2.1K (longest yet)

Today was not a good day. You knew as soon as you woke up that it wasn’t going to be a good day, and it only went worse as the day went on. You woke up alone in the Chateau. This was normal, as it was often just you, JJ, and John B who stayed over for the night, and they often got up earlier than you. This really surprised you at first, expecting the boys to be lazy, but 90% of the time they got up to start working on various projects before you were awake. When this happens, you start making breakfast for the three of you and just wait for them, completely fine, but not today. Today you just knew something was wrong, you could feel it.

As soon as you woke up, you went outside, calling for JJ. What if he was hurt? What if DCS got John B? What if, what if, what if-

“Y/N? You ok?” JJ rounded the corner and saw you, his face immediately morphing into one of concern. You ran the rest of the distance between you two, and his arms were already opening up to wrap you in a hug. He’s there, he’s ok, he’s not hurt. It was just your brain playing tricks on you again. You were doubly sure of this when JJ himself softly said “Hey hey hey it’s ok” while soothingly running his hands through your hair

“Is today a bad day?” he asked, definitely already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I’m so sorry” you responded, embarrassed about being worried about nothing. JJ only looked at you caringly, and pulled you tighter. You both walked together back to the Chateau, and JJ sat at the table talking to you as you made breakfast.

By the time that John B was back, you were feeling much better and were able to banter and laugh with your boys while you three ate as usual. However, the bad feeling never left your brain. You were tense, feeling restless and constantly looking around the room as subtly as you could, worried that something would go wrong.

If John B noticed, he didn’t say anything, but JJ knew and stayed close to you all day.

Kiara stopped by and organized a boat trip for the day with John B, calling Pope and getting all set up. As they started to leave, she turned back and called to you

“Y/N, JJ, you coming?” JJ looked at you, letting you answer how you felt. You gave him a shaky smile, nodding slightly and responding

“Yeah, we’ll be right there!” You knew JJ was worried about you, but didn’t want to be a burden and ruin his entire day. You couldn’t stand to be a bother to anyone you loved, and JJ had it hard enough as it was without you having a stupid bad feeling.

As you stepped on the boat, beer in one hand and JJ’s hand in the other, you felt the bad feeling come back 10 times stronger. Your heart started beating fast, and you didn’t want to get on the boat. You were sure that if you got on, something horrible would happen. But Pope was looking at you with so much happiness to finally be able to hang with his friends, and JJ squeezed your hand comfortingly, and you didn’t want to let your friends down.

You got settled on the boat, wishing that your stupid brain wasn’t broken, and that you could just enjoy the time with your friends.

You managed to get in the water with some reassurance from JJ, and actually enjoyed yourself a lot. Physical exercise always helped your mind calm down, and soon you were so focused on trying to tackle JJ in the water that you almost forgot about the bad feeling. Of course, it was always there, but as soon as it got too strong one of your friends would help you out. When you all got out of the water, Kiara called you over to braid her hair, claiming

“Y/N can you please do it? You’re the best at it”

You knew that she had just noticed your little ticks and was giving you an excuse to keep your hands busy. Even Pope seemed to notice a bit later, giving you another beer with a soft look.

John B was oblivious as always, but that was comforting in itself. You were just hanging out with you four best friends in the world, and nothing bad could happen (you hope).

As the sun started to set, a new group of fears kicked in. Suddenly, you were worried that the boat would get stuck and you wouldn’t be able to get back.

You’d be stuck in the ocean forever (nevermind that you were barely a mile off of shore), and be lost at sea. No one would ever find you. You friends would hate you for some reason, but of course they would. A rescue ship would come, but there’d only be room for four. They’d leave you behind, but you couldn’t blame them. You’d leave yourself behind too. And then you’d be all alone. And then you’d starve. And then. And then-

And then JJ put his hand on your knee, which had started bouncing out of control without you noticing as you’d spiraled down into your thoughts. John B still hadn’t noticed, talking on and on about some dumb thing or another while Pope and Kiara looked on at you. Luckily, as soon as you snapped out of your spiral, Kiara simply handed JJ a towel to wrap around you and they went back to John B, who hadn’t noticed yet again. That boy had the social awareness of a sloth, but you loved him for it.

Not as much as you loved JJ, who had just shifted you so that you were completely leaning into him. He wrapped the towel around you because while you hadn’t even noticed that you were shivering, JJ had.

JJ, your sweet boy who didn’t deserve to deal with you and all of your problems. You went back into a cycle of self loathing, wishing JJ had a better girlfriend like he deserved, instead of you, but were thankfully interrupted by Pope suggesting that they all head back. Kiara engaged you in a conversation making fun of the newest weird kook fashion that you both saw in the store window of the boutique up by Figure 8 the other day when you were delivering groceries with the boys, and you made it back to land without incident.

You loaded back into the van to head to the hilltop to watch the stars for a bit, and you finally felt your anxiety ebb away a bit. You had made it through the entire day without something bad happening, so you were safe now.

Of course, as soon as you were finally feeling better, something bad happened. The old van had been spluttering for a few minutes, but no one paid any attention to it because it always did. You only even noticed when it gave one big shudder and gave out completely. You were stuck.

You were stuck, in the woods, at night with no help.

It was barely dark, but the air got thick and it was hard to breathe. It was hot, you were sweating, and you were definitely about to die. You faintly heard a voice in the distance, but couldn’t focus. You zoned out, struck with fear. Why was someone talking? Why would someone waste energy talking when you were about to die? Couldn’t they see you were about to die? All of the overwhelming sounds filtered down to just a steady buzz, but it was so much worse. The buzz was overwhelming you, getting louder and louder. You were stuck, in this phantom zone where you were barely breathing and everything was just the buzz, it was all blank.

Off in the distance, you could hear that voice come back, faintly but growing stronger. You couldn’t make out the words or the voice, but something about it was comforting. It kept going, some string of incoherent words you weren’t understanding, but you focused on it. The voice steadily became more distinct, and after what felt like an eternity but was probably only a few more seconds, you could make out who it was.

JJ. Of course it was, it was your wonderful boyfriend. Once you found his voice, it only took a bit more concentrating to pick out the words. He was quietly and calmly describing something… you? He was describing you, and your friends. He talked about the details in your shirt, the blue of John B’s bandana, the purple and red of Kiara and Pope’s favorite outfits. It didn’t matter what he was saying, he knew his voice would bring you out of your anxiety attack.

Sure enough, as soon as you moved he brought your head up to look in his eyes.

“There you are, my beautiful Y/N” he said, cupping your cheek

“You’re ok, are you back?” You nodded, all you were able to do, but he took it like the win it was.

You both settled into the seat again, as at some point you had slid down to the floor and JJ had come down as well to help you.

A few minutes later, JJ still describing random things, Kiara interrupted

“They’re back!”

You hadn’t even noticed that John B and Pope were gone, but you saw them coming back, both carrying what looks like fuel tanks. Kiara explained

“The van just ran out of gas. They went and got some from the Perrys a few minutes down the road. As soon as they get it in the van, we’ll head back”

You just nodded again, still in shock. Anxiety attacks take a lot out of you, and it’s hard to recover quickly. You were still in a fugue state the entire way back, and JJ half carried you to your room that you both shared when you stayed the night. You half heard Pope and Kiara say goodnight and John B ask JJ if he needed anything, but only began to really come back to yourself when JJ laid you on your bed.

“Arms up Y/N, let’s go” he said, and you subconsciously raised your arms as he helped you change out of your shirt into a comfy sweatshirt. You were aware enough to then change into some leggings, but JJ stayed in the room to make sure you were ok. That’s fine, he’d seen you much worse. Much worse. Oh no.

You had freaked out over nothing! He was definitely going to break up with you now. There was no big deal, but you thought you were going to die. They were all definitely laughing at you behind your back, you were so embarrassing. You tried to stop the tears that were flowing down your face, trying not to embarrass yourself further, but they came fast and fiercely anyway.

JJ noticed, pulling you close on the bed. “Shhh Y/N, don’t cry!”

“I’m so sorry! I’m such a baby I’m broken I’m so sorry” you sobbed into his chest.

JJ’s heart broke, like it did all day when he saw you struggling. He hated that his girlfriend, soft sweet Y/N who was so kind to everyone else, found it so hard to be kind to yourself.

“Y/N, you know this isn’t your fault” JJ said has he began to rub soft circles into your back

“I love you so much. You’re not broken at all”

As if he knew how hard that was for you to believe, he kept repeating it. “I love you, you’re so special to me”, and a bit later

“I love you, I love everything about you”

You eventually calmed down, but stayed wrapped into JJ. You still felt bad, but were so thankful to your boyfriend. You’re not fixed, far from it, but with JJ, you’re better.

#holy shit it's done #this was so hard to write #hopefully I did it justice #obx #outer banks #I feel empty now #obx imagine #outer banks imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #JJ maybank deserves a hug #jj maybank #jj #jj x reader #jj imagine #quiteaweirdworld #anxiety

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aconstantstateofbladerunner · 4 years

Text

101 Open MHA Gen Prompts

I had a very long ask game where people gave me fake titles and I came up with fic ideas to go with them. Multiple people asked to use some of them as prompts, and some of my friends have lately maligned the lack of gen prompts out there, so I decided to compile them all into a single post. Almost all of these are gen, aka not shipping, but you can do what you want I’m not your boss. Everything is free and open to use WITH CREDIT, so have fun with my word vomit.

1. In Dreams I Had the Sun - Being the number one hero isn’t all it’a cracked up to be, Toshinori realizes early on

2. The Chainlink Fence that Held the Ocean - In his new book post-retirement, All Might opens up about his regrets, struggles with mental health, and his issues with the hero system as a whole. The backlash is swift and intense.

3. Welcome to the Loud Silence - After an injury, Izuku is rendered deaf.

4. Water Since Turned Red - After a villain attack nearly kills All Might, the beach where Izuku used to go to find comfort now feels tainted.

5. all scrap left untouched is bound together - A group hero students who failed the provincial license exam for the third time, effectively ending their careers before they start, get together to take revenge on UA’s first years who beat them out.

6. You’ve saved more more times than you know - Times All Might saved people without his powers, just by being a cool, nice dude.

7. No Amount of Tragedy Can Justify Your Actions - A dying All for One tries to justify his centuries of cruelty to an uncaring Toshinori.

8. To Leave a Cage Locked - One for All is conscious and has a will of its own, one that doesn’t always line up with Izuku’s wellbeing.

9. Okay, who let in the Kraken? - Izuku is the reincarnation of an ancient eldritch horror.

10. keep us alive up above - Izuku and Shigaraki get trapped together somewhere. Izuku knows he needs the villain’s help to survive and escape, but the other would rather they both die.

11. The world will revolve around me neither less - The ebbs and flows of AFO’s influence over the years.

12. More Roulette, Not Russian - Kids get their quirks swapped.

13. Patron Saints - Toshinori teaches a class about pre-quirk superhero comic characters and their influence.

14. Don't Come Back - Touya Todoroki’s first few weeks after a severe injury resulted in his father abandoning him.

15. The Blessed and the Fool - Toshinori meets up with a few of his ua classmates after retiring.

16. Not Your Sacrifice - Some of the other kids have started adopting some of Izuku’s self sacrificing habits and the teachers are concerned.

17. Break in the Storm - Villains use a power outage as an opening to break into ua.

18. One Day Those Consequences Will Finally Catch Up - Even though the teachers don’t take her concerns seriously, Inko saves every piece of evidence regarding people hurting her son.

19. a garden in their eyes - Izuku meets a fan who got injured after trying to step into a villain fight, just like he did, and it makes him question some things.

20. what could have been, if not for you - After Inko divorces him, Hisashi’s goes to the press to say All Might stole his wife and son.

21. Promised Misery - All Might finds out the severity of Bakugou’s bullying, and warns him he’s on thin ice with him.

22. Fly Up Higher, Blossom Brighter - Izuku has to write a paper for middle school about being positive, intercut with all the bullshit he has to deal with.

23. Libre Me from Hell - One of Izuku’s new quirks is spiral related.

24. No One to Blame but Yourself - Izuku’s kindness doesn’t extend to murderers, tragic backstory or not.

25. At Its Finest - Izuku accidentally gets involved in a hero commission coverup.

26. A Rising Issue - Izuku starts developing more severe side effects of his injuries. He’s convinced he’s under the influence of a quirk, while the adults thing he’s finally gone too far hurting himself.

27. What you are in the Dark - Izuku usually keeps most of his anger to himself until he can’t.

28. nowhere to go - Inko moves into UA after their home was destroyed.

29. Something Without - My theory about the 2 OFA vestiges that are blurred out is they don’t approve of izuku as a successor. Izuku tries to figure out why.

30. Walking with a Ghost - Toshinori joins the OFA dreams while he’s in a coma. He gets to reunite with nana, and is more open to Izuku about his past and feelings. Part of his starts to wonder if it’s worth waking up, since he will die and join the others eventually.

31. Death By Crying - Izuku is affected by a quirk that will suffocate him if he expresses any emotion.

32. Justice is Subjective - The hero commission gets to Shigaraki before AFO does.

33. Undo / Underdog - Death loop fic. Izuku keeps reliving the day he met all might after being killed by the sludge villain. he has to find a way to break the loop and survive, but he gets s little weaker every time he restarts.

34. Like Wildfire - A rumor that Izuku is All Might’s bio son picks up steam, and the characters have to decide whether to deny it but risk suspicion or play along and add a new layer to the lies protecting one for all.

35. Once Upon A December - All Might and Inko actually met in the past trope.

36. Some Legends Are Told - All Might’s first interview post-retirement.

37. Will The Real Mentor Please Stand Up - Aizawa considers himself the better teacher, but a lot of the kids seem to like All Might more.

38. I don't want the cure, I want the POISON! - Inko is killed in a hit and run, and Izuku becomes desperate to find the killer.

39. I will kill my heart before I dance on stage for these bigots - Izuku is interviewed as a rising star of UA, and the interviewer brings in some of his old bullies because they claimed to be his friends from middle school. Izuku does not play along.

40. Split Ends - A quirk gives Izuku brief visions of what would have happened if he made different decisions.

41. Dreamless Sleep - A One for All dream leaves Izuku with a cryptic half-warning, and he desperately experiments to try and figure out how to trigger the visions to get the rest of it.

42. toxic flowers and pretty blades - Young Inko escapes the constricting life of her cruel wealthy family by becoming a vigilante.

43. The Suns we Orbit - Some of the other teachers believe Izuku is too codependent on Toshinori, and separate them for a time.

44. Submerged - Similar to those buried alive fics only someone’s in a box at the bottom of the ocean.

45. Deprive - Izuku also loses his stomach to an injury, and struggles to adjust to the necessary lifestyle changes.

46. The ashes fall like snow - Post Kamino cleanup.

47. Home will always be here - Inko cares for Izuku after he’s sent home due to “trouble at work study” but he refuses to clarify what that means.

48. Playing Favorites - A look at several times where Izuku was punished, while Bakugou got off scot free.

49. Elusive Dreams - Some kind of training or issue forces the kids to stay away for several consecutive day, and they start losing it.

50. Fracture - Izuku struggles through physical therapy after a severe injury that leaves his hero career in question.

51. Starlight, Starbright - Space cadet au

52. Someone in Your Corner - Gran Torino looking after Nana, Toshi, and finally Izuku through the years.

53. I cast magic missile into the darkness - Generic “the gang plays d&d” fic.

54. One Month At A Time - Izuku breaks a limb, and has to let in heal naturally over the course of several months.

55. Head Above Water - Izuku runs out of his pain meds and can’t get access to more doses for a while, so he has to endure not only the pain, but the withdrawal symptoms.

56. Are you going to leave a path to trace - All Might uses a new strategy to try and get Izuku to be less self sacrificial: what about all the young kids who are going to look up to him?

57. The View from Halfway Down - Izuku realizes that a risky move has just landed him with a potentially life threatening injury, but the fight it still going.

58. The Dust Bites Back - A villain All Might defeated early in his career is back and out for revenge.

59. The Absence of your Worth - Nighteye thinks he’s put together a rock solid case for why izuku isn’t worthy of One for All. All Might’s response is to ask if he has something against quirkless people.

60. Behind the Screens Nobody is Afraid - All Might explains some of the context of his most popular hero videos to Izuku. They are much more tragic than the media has spun them in hindsight.

61. Under the Light of the Moon - Someone gets turned into a werewolf. And I ain’t talking the wattpad piss shit. I’m talking full-on back-breaking monstrous transformations into a bloodthirsty abomination set to Bad Moon Rising.

62. some dreams were made to be broken - Bakugou crosses a line and finally gets expelled.

63. You Say You're Into Closure - Izuku finally beats Bakugou in a one on one fight fair and square, but Bakugou is a sore loser.

64. Something or Someone Missing - AU’s memories of Izuku get wiped, but those closest to him can’t help but feel an absence.

65. Too Little Too Late - Izuku’s father returns to find he’s been replaced.

66. Collecting Dust - Inko goes through the stuff Izuku didn’t take to the dorms.

67. Where the souls of wanderers go - Toshi meets up with a retired hero support group.

68. Fragility of Trust - Suspected traitor au

69. no one answered - Izuku is trapped in a cell in a building that’s collapsing in slow motion due to a quirk.

70. Eye of the Storm - One of the other kids has a panic attack for the first time between public appearances. izuku has never seen from from the outside.

71. To Whom It May Concern - The kids find a mysterious collection of letters from previous students hidden in the ceiling of the classroom. Some are ominous, some are incomprehensible. Aizawa has no answers. They enthusiastically go to try and solve the mystery within, but that excitement quickly diminishes the more they find out.

72. Of Popsicles and Ponytails - All Might gets in a discussion with the other teachers about whether the Clark Kent glasses thing would actually work. All Might bets them it does, so he goes around town with no disguise other than his hair being up, and no one bats an eye.

73. All Men are Not Born Equal - Word gets out to the public that izuku used to be quirkless. Everyone finds out just how deep anti-quirkless sentiments run when some begin to question whether a quirkless kid should be at ua, regardless of whether or not he has a quirk now.

74. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies - Something about encountering death in person for the first time being the dividing line between child and adult.

75. Sins of the Father - All for One has had many children over the centuries, and has made numerous attempts to groom them into the ideal heir with several different methods. None of them worked though.

76. Where The Dead Come To Rest - The kids come home after a long, grueling mission where they saw some shit, and are too tired to process what they went through. They take off their gear for plain clothes, then sit in the common room in silence long into the night, not wanting to open themselves up but also not wanting to be alone.

77. Rivalry - Nighteye tries to pit Izuku and Mirio against one another. It goes right over Mirio’s head, but Izuku becomes convinced the other boy is in on Nighteye’s plan to wear him down until he gives up One for All.

78. A Subtle Language - All Might and Nana never said out loud that they loved each other, but little things told them that they did. All Might hopes to pass a similar love down to his own successor. But Izuku is very different than himself as a kid, and he needs to learn a new subtle language of affection.

79. It’s Gone - One for All stops working one day.

80. A Sight For Sore Eyes - All Might looking after Izuku in the aftermath of the second movie.

81. Loose Lips (sink ships) - Bakugou blurts out something about One for All during a rage, so the rest of the class jump on him and Izuku for answers.

82. No Expectations - Word gets out that All Might is going to choose a successor. None of the theories or speculation online resemble Izuku in the slightest.

83. Eden was Only a Garden - Izuku gets hit with a quirk that erases some of his most traumatic memories, but in doing so loses part of who he is.

84. Run it Down - With all Izuku’s new quirks and his incredible skill, some of the other students with similar powers (Iida, Sero, Uraraka) start to feel like izuku is upstaging them. And it affects their friendship.

85. Fool's Gold - Bakugou grows even more jealous of Izuku having One for All, and his relationship with All Might. He thinks that if he could just prove himself to be more worthy, All Might would change his mind and name him his successor. But in reality, he ends up jeopardizing the relationship they already have.

86. somewhere down the road - The final deadline for Nighteye’s predictions passes, and All Might lives. He debates telling Izuku, as even though it would be a weight off the boy’s mind, he doesn’t want to jinx it. He will still die eventually after all.

87. Just For You - All Might has certain rules and boundaries for fan interactions that he completely ignores for Izuku.

88. if these walls could talk (their whispers would be maddening) - Montage of training accidents in a ‘cursed’ ua gym

89. If Only I Could... - Nighteye tells Mirio about One for All, including that he thinks he’s more deserving than Izuku and he plans to pressure him into giving it up. Mirio struggles with the knowledge that his mentor, someone he respected more than anything, only saw him as a replacement for All Might, meanwhile watching Izuku strain under the pressure of that mentor’s impossible expectations.

90. This is a Test Designed to Provoke an Emotional Response - shameless Blade Runner AU

91. Once and for All - Retelling of the Superman story “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” with All Might. Some new heroes use much more aggressive and violent tactics against villains while also upstaging All Might. That, and there general approval from the public cause All Might to question his moral code.

92. Sitting In The Rain - Tsuyu likes to just sit out in the rain sometimes. Not do anything, just sit there. Some friends decide to join her.

93. At Sundown - Mysterious creatures start attacking ua every night. The gang works tirelessly during the day to find the cause and a solution, while defending their school and each other at night.

94. The 1000th time's the charm - Uraraka has been practicing a new move in secret but they just can’t get it right. She wants it to be perfect before showing it off. But one attempt gets her seriously hurt while training alone at night in one of the gyms, and she’s too hurt to get up to the phone to call for help.

95. Sunflower Seeds - All Might attempts to start a garden as a new hobby.

96. What It Means To Be Human - Sun god Toshi starts living among people.

97. Eyes on Me - All Might teaches Izuku some unarmed fighting moves to defend himself from bullies.

98. one remains - Izuku has developed all but one of the quirks he’s slated to, and he has no idea what it will be. Anxiety ensues.

99. Come Back Home - Izuku vanishes from campus and everyone assumes he was kidnapped, but in reality he ran away to try and clear his head after a depressive spiral. He goes by train as far away as he can until he comes to his senses and calls the others.

100. I Won - Izuku accidentally managed to kill Shigaraki during a skirmish, and while everyone around him praises his heroics, he struggles to deal with the fact that he killed someone.

101. Ivory Tower - All Might grapples with how much izuku suffered as a quirkless person, how he could have done more for quirkless rights in his time as a hero, and how now people may not care as much because he’s retired.

Reminder to credit me if you use any of these prompts, and a special thanks to everyone who submitted titles!

#mha #bnha #mha prompts #bnha prompts #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dad might #all might #toshinori yagi #midoriya izuku #deku #bakugou katsuki #aconstantstateoffanfiction

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