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favefandomimagines · 3 years

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More Money, More Problems 3

AN: breaking my hiatus because it felt right to post this since OBX season 2 is now out!

again full credit to the owner of the gif! Reminder: anytime i write for Rafe, it is not canon unless i say otherwise at the beginning!

Masterlist

It was safe to say that Ella was extremely nervous for her date with Rafe. She didn’t know why, she had gone on dates before. But the one Rafe was causing her much anxiety.

Rafe had texted her the night they went fishing that he’d pick her up at her house at 6 to make the 6:30 ferry to the mainland. She was running around like a chicken with her head cut off, trying to find her mascara.

That’s when she remembered she left it the Chateau before a party at the Boneyard. Ella knew that her friends would question why she needed mascara but she couldn’t exactly tell them she was going out with Rafe Cameron.

Ella walked up the front steps of the Chateau and opened the door. “Hello, is anyone here?” She called. “Hey, Ella! Thought you were working.” JJ greeted her. “I, uh, got the day off. I actually left my mascara here, that’s why I stopped by.” She said.

“Why do you need mascara? You never wear makeup unless it’s for a party or...a date.” JJ realized. “You, Ella Green, going on a date?” He questioned. “It’s not a big deal, J.” She said. “Who’s the guy?” JJ asked. “Um, I’ll tell you after the date so you won’t scare him away.” Ella lied.

“Understandable. Where’s he taking you?” JJ questioned. “God, JJ, what’s with the third degree?” She asked. “I just want to make sure he’s not taking you anywhere sketchy.” JJ answered. “Aw, you care.” Ella pouted. “Okay, last time I worry about you.” The blonde said.

“I appreciate it JJ. Thank you for worrying.” She told him. “And I know that you’ve been staying here alone the last few nights so do you want to babysit Tommy and then just crash at the house?” She added.

JJ furrowed his eyebrows before responding. “Are you sure?” He asked. “You’re practically family. Besides, Tommy says he misses you so he’d appreciate spending time with you.” Ella said.

“This is why you’re my favorite friend. My best friend in the entire universe.” He said. “Oh so I’m above John B now?” Ella asked. “You will always be above John B, Ella don’t have to worry about that.” He answered.

“I expect to know who this guy is after the date.” JJ added. “You will. You, me and Kie can gossip together.” Ella teased. “Hey, hey, I don’t gossip.” He rebutted. “Okay, JJ, whatever you say. I’ll see you later.” She told him.

Ella got back in her and made her way back home. The anxiety started setting in the second she turned the ignition. She hated lying to her friends, especially JJ.

Ella and JJ had known each other longer than he knew John B. As kids the two were inseparable. She knew more about his home life than anyone else did and Ella knew that when things got bad, sometimes he didn’t want to go the Chateau. So he escaped to Ella’s as a safe haven. But nothing ever came of their close friendship. The two being too close platonically made it impossible for Ella and JJ to see each other anything more than friends.

She knew that JJ was going to freak out when he found out that she was going out with Rafe. If anything came of the date, she’d have to tell him somehow.

Ella arrived home and threw on a million different outfits to find the right one. But nothing she wore was good enough in her mind. Why was she freaking out over a date?

By the time she settled on an outfit, it was close to 6 and there was a knock on her door. “Shit, shit, shit. Why the hell am I so nervous?” Ella said to herself. She walked to the door and opened it revealing Rafe with a bouquet of flowers.

“A-Are those for me?” Ella questioned. “I haven’t done an actual date in a while but this is what you do right?” Rafe asked. “Yeah, yeah, it is. Thank you.” Ella smiled taking the bouquet. “You look beautiful by the way.” Rafe said. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” Ella replied.

“Come on, we don’t miss the ferry.” The older boy said, offering her his hand. Ella looked from his hand to him and grabbed it gently.

A part of her still felt as if this was a dream or some sort of sick joke and Rafe’s friends would jump out of the bushes any second.

“You look nervous.” Rafe commented as they drove down the road. “Honestly, I kind of am. I’m nervous this is all going to be a big joke at the end.” Ella said honestly. “I can assure that this isn’t a joke. And I should be the nervous one because I’m on a date with you. The coolest girl in the Outer Banks who actually gave me a chance even though I’ve been a dick to her.” Rafe said.

“You’re really laying it on thick.” Ella laughed. “I’m trying to impress you.” He said. “I don’t think you need much help in that department.” She said.

Rafe smile at her and subtly, but not so subtly, intertwined his hand with hers.

After a seemingly short car ride to the ferry and what felt like an even quicker ferry ride, the two arrived at the mainland.

Ella and. Rafe genuinely enjoyed being together and around each other. If he was being honest, the feelings Rafe had scared him. He had never felt that way about anyone before. He’s always hooked up with girls for a few weeks and that was it. But he couldn’t even imagine doing that with Ella.

They arrived at the restaurant and even though none of their friends were there, Ella was still on edge.

“Why does it look like you’re waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tell you that you just got punked?” Rafe asked. “Sorry, um, I guess it’s just out of habit.” Ella laughed lightly. “No one’s going to ruin this and I swear to you, I actually want to be on this date with you.” He said.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why?” Ella questioned.

Rafe was quiet for a moment, deciding if he really wanted to be that vulnerable with her on the first date.

“I like how you make me feel. Even after how I treated you and your friends you still took a chance on me. You didn’t have to but you did, despite how much of an asshole I’ve been. You’re like a breath of fresh air, I guess.” He explained.

Elle smiled at him before looking down at her menu to hide the blush on her face. “I’m a firm believer in second chances so don’t blow it.” She teased.

Rafe chuckled lightly at her and continued to scan over the menu. “I have a crazy idea.” He said. “Uh oh.” Ella replied. “Come to Midsummers with me.” He said.

“I can’t.” She told him. “What, why? If you’re worried about my friends, they’ll get over it.” Rafe said. “That’s not why. I’m working Midsummers. JJ got me a serving job.” She told him.

“And let’s be honest, Rafe, your friends would not get over it. Especially Poppy, she’d try to scalp me in the bathroom. And also your dad would lose his mind if you showed up to the biggest Kook event of the summer with a Pogue.” Ella added.

Rafe wanted to scoff at her reasoning but didn’t for the sake of their date. “Sarah’s taking John B.” He rebutted. “But John B doesn’t have parents like mine. I’d be the butt of every joke and you’d face the consequences. Sarah’s told me about how your dad treats you and I’m really not worth what he’s going to do or say to you.” She said.

Rafe clear his throat slightly before reaching his hand across the table and taking Ella’s hand in his. “First of all, you are worth that much. Second of all, if you’re not comfortable with it then I won’t push you. But I do want to keep seeing you so, maybe we can keep it our secret for now.” He said.

Ella nodded her head with a smile on her face as the waiter came around to take their order.

After dinner, Rafe and Ella walked the streets for a while just trying to get to know each other.

“So, what is it like having to raise your brother? I couldn’t even imagine having to raise Wheezie, I know I’d screw it up.” Rafe asked. “It’s not easy. Tommy has high functioning autism so he has his certain things that he’s almost obsessed with. He has some sensory issues so he doesn’t like how certain things feel or sound. So that adds to the hardships but it’s what makes Tommy, Tommy. He’s still my annoying little brother. Sure he’s a little different than other kids but there’s nothing wrong with him.” Ella explained.

“Someone should give you saint status.” Rafe commented. “I wouldn’t go that far. I’m still learning and so is he.” She said. “What about you? Only son in a family of all girls.” She added.

Rafe laughed slightly before replying. “It sucks sometimes. They’re both dramatic, especially Sarah if you haven’t noticed. Wheezie is too smart for her own good sometimes and Sarah, is just, Sarah.” Rafe explained.

“Hey, I love Sarah. She’s the only Kook who doesn’t think I’m a bitch.” Ella said. “Don’t repeat this and I will 100% deny it but I love Sarah too. And Wheezie. We just get pit against each other sometimes which is probably why Sarah hates me.” He said.

“Have you tried to be there for her? As an older brother when she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to?” Ella asked. “I mean, I guess I haven’t.” He answered. “Start there. You’d be surprised at how easily you can forgive other people.” Ella told him.

After what Ella thought was a perfect date, Rafe dropped her back off at her house and she snuck inside hoping JJ didn’t see who’s car was outside.

“Home before curfew, that’s impressive.” JJ teased as he turned the corner. Ella rolled her eyes playfully as she sat down on the couch. “How was the date?” He asked. “It was great. Honestly, I had a really good time.” She answered. “Sounds like you found your prince charming.” JJ said. “There’s a problem though and do not lecture me about it,” Ella started. “He’s a Kook.” She finished.

“Ella,” JJ started. “I know, I know, we hate Kooks and I didn’t think they could be any different but he is.” Ella told him. “Does he treat you right?” JJ asked. Ella nodded her head and JJ groaned and fell on the couch next to her. “He also asked me to Midsummers. But I said no.” She said.

“Honestly, Ella, I think that was a good call. Could you imagine how those Kooks would treat you? I mean, Ward Cameron never shuts his mouth about your parents.” The blonde said. “I know. And I really need the money. We made really good tips last year.” Ella said. “How was Tommy? Not too much of a handful?” She asked.

“Oh he was great. He told me all about the different fish species there are in North Carolina and then I taught him all about the different surfboard brands. We really bonded.” JJ answered.

Ella smiled as she rested her head against the back of the couch with her eyes closed. “You know I’m just looking out for you, right? That’s why I’m so difficult when it comes to guys you date. You’re my best friend and I just want to protect you.” JJ spoke. “I know, J. And I appreciate it.” Ella told him.

JJ gave her a soft smile before getting up from the couch and heading back off to where he was sleeping.

Ella sat there for a few more moments before sighing and walked to her bedroom. How was she supposed to work at Midsummers and act like she detested Rafe? When it was actually the exact opposite.

Midsummers came quicker than Ella would’ve liked. She was currently sitting in the car staring at the large country club. She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t see JJ walking up to the driver side window.

“Yo, Ella! What are you doing?” He asked, knocking on the window. The brunette jumped slightly before rolling her eyes at JJ and getting out of the car. “What the hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” She questioned.

“Thinking about seeing lover boy while serving him and all his rich friends?” He asked. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She muttered. “Cheer up, kid. You’ll be fine. We’ll make some tips, go get drunk with the rest our friends after, it’ll be great.” JJ told her.

Ella nodded her head as they approached the country club. It was rather degrading for Ella to be waiting on kids who were her age while they were partying in thousand dollar dresses and suits. But she didn’t let all the glares and murmuring keep her from doing her job.

Later in the evening, she spotted Rafe with Topper, Kelce and Poppy and despite wanting to avoid them all together, Topper waved her over.

“Hey, Green! Can I get a drink?” He asked. “Haven’t we been over this, Thornton? You’re under 21.” Ella said. “But you’re here to serve me and my friends so, just get to it.” He said. “Dude, it’s fine.” Rafe muttered. “What? Have you gone soft for this Pogue?” Topper asked.

Rafe looked from Topper and slightly glanced at Ella before clenching his jaw. “God, no. She’s a Pogue, who cares about her? My dad will kill me if I cause a scene tonight so let’s just leave it alone.” Rafe said.

Ella wasn’t surprised at Rafe’s words but she was still hurt by them. “No, no, she’s here to get us drinks so let her get us drinks. That’s all she’s good for anyways. Other than sex probably.” Topper said.

“What the hell did you just say to her?” JJ interjected, having heard the whole conversation. “It’s none of your business.” Kelce said. “No, it is my business when you basically call my friend a whore.” JJ said. “Wait, what?” John B then interrupted.

“Guys, just drop it.” Ella said quietly. “No, just because they’re spoiled rich kids doesn’t mean they can get away with calling you a whore.” John B said. “Oh look she’s got her guard dogs defending her. How sweet.” Poppy commented.

“God, do you ever shut up?” Ella snapped. “She speaks!” Kelce taunted. “We thought you were just like your freak brother.” Poppy said. “Poppy,” Rafe scolded.

Ella laughed bitterly, handing her tray to John B and taking off the apron she was wearing. No one knew what she was doing until she already punched Poppy in the face.

Gasps and appalling words erupted throughout the event as Poppy was on the floor nursing her bloody nose.

“Never, talk about my brother again or I’ll give you more than a nose job.” Ella sneered. She glanced over at Rafe and the look of betrayal was very evident on her face.

JJ, John B and Sarah ran after the girl as almost everyone in attendance began talking poorly about Ella. And it was basically all Rafe’s fault. “God, couldn’t you just leave it?” Rafe snapped at Topper, who was helping Poppy.

The three friends couldn’t reach Ella fast enough before she sped off in her car back towards home.

How was she not surprised that Rafe acted the way he did? She wasn’t expecting him to come to her defense but he didn’t have to say such harsh words.

She got home and slammed the front door shut, just wanting to be alone. She was grateful she didn’t have to pick up Tommy from his friend’s until tomorrow morning.

“Ella? It’s us, open the door.” John B’s voice said from the other side of the front door. At first, Ella didn’t move. She didn’t really want to see anyone but she knew that they would find a way inside if she didn’t open the door.

She got up slowly and behind the door were JJ and John B. “Hey, you. You okay?” John B asked. “No. They called my brother a freak, I punched Poppy and I’ll probably lose my job at the golf course now.” She answered. “No one likes Poppy. The Kooks don’t even like Poppy, you did everyone a favor.” JJ said.

“This is about the guy isn’t it?” He added. “Guy? What guy? There’s a guy?” John B questioned. “She went on a date with a Kook.” JJ answered. “What?” John B asked. “Yes, okay, I went on a date with a Kook. There won’t be another one because he saw and heard everything they said to me and he did nothing. God forbid he sticks up for a Pogue.” Ella complained.

“Fuck that guy then, okay? If he’s ashamed of you of all people, he’s a moron. He doesn’t deserve Ella Green.” John B said. “Thanks guys.” Ella said sadly. “Now come on. Pope and Kie are waiting for us at the Chateau. We’ll ice that hand with a bottle of beer.” JJ said. “Let me get changed and I’ll head over.” She told them.

The two teens left Ella alone to change and said they’d meet her at the Chateau.

Rafe left Midsummers soon after Ella did and immediately headed over to her house. He felt terrible for the things he said about her to his friends. Just the look on her face when those words came out of his mouth was enough for him to wish he said nothing at all.

He arrived to the house and stood in front of the blue painted front door and hesitated before knocking. She’s just going to slam the door in your face. Rafe thought.

But he knocked nonetheless. Ella had an ice pack resting on her knuckles as she walked to her door. Though she wished she would have never opened it.

Ella scoffed before she moved to close the door but Rafe stopped her. “Ella, I’m sorry.” He said quickly.

“Oh you’re sorry? Sorry for which part? Letting your friends say all of this terrible stuff about me or sorry for the things you said about me?” She asked. “Both of it.” He said. “You know what the worst part is? You know my brother, you know that he has autism and you let them call him a freak. He’s a child for christ sake.” Ella snapped.

“I know, okay? And I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped them but I didn’t want to give them another reason to give you shit.” Rafe said.

Ella was quiet, not in the mood to have a fight with Rafe when they’re barely together, if that’s what you wanted to call it.

“I gotta go. My friends are waiting for me.” She said defeatedly. “What does this mean for us?” Rafe asked. “Did you mean what you said? When you said no one cares about me?” She asked. “Not a word of it. It’s entirely impossible for me not to care.” He answered quickly.

“Okay then. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She told him. “Ella, I will do anything to prove to you that I’m serious about this. I don’t care about this stupid class system anymore. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t get hurt.” Rafe said, catching her arm.

“Rafe, I believe you, okay? You’re pretty relentless.” She joked lightly. Rafe smiled gently down at her before glancing down at her iced hand. “How’s the hand?” He asked. “Does Poppy need a nose job?” Ella said. “Yeah her nose is broken.” Rafe answered.

Ella looked down at her hand as she nodded slightly. “Then my hand is pretty great.” She said. “I really am sorry, Ella. I never meant to hurt you.” He told her. “We just have to get used to this whole thing being a secret, right?” She replied.

Rafe agreed as Ella stepped out of the house. “I have to go now. I’ll see you later.” She said.

“You’ll see me tomorrow.” Rafe said. “Like I said; relentless.” Ella teased. Rafe watched her walk towards her car and kept his eyes on her until she drove out of sight.

Rafe didn’t want to keep their relationship a secret. But he know how everyone around them would react if they found out. It would only be some teasing for him but for Ella it could be much worse.

People calling her a gold digger, she’s only in it for the money. A junkie like her parents and more teasing about her brother. Rafe knew that keeping them a secret was protecting Ella from his friend’s harsh words.

It was the only way to ensure that Ella would be okay.

taglist: @i-love-you-green @chicagoblackhawkslover96

#imagine #imagines #outer banks #rafe cameron #jj maybank #outer banks imagine #rudy pankow #kiara carrera #john b routledge #sarah cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey imagine

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crankywhenprovoked · 3 years

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I am 100% on board with what your talking about. I've had such a big problem with this that I can barely watch his stuff anymore cause it bothers me so so much. But I was curious to watch the recent episode cause I saw it had picani and I still adore the crap out of him so I watched it! And it really was just a grab for more Patreon members like holy shit.

There's been so much hate on Thomas lately and every single piece of hate is so SO fucking valid.

He totally could've done a zoom call meeting, heck, with picani and his patients!!! They could've discussed how they are handling the quarantine!!!!!! But no! Thomas is just so concerned about super long 'movie' like content that he doesn't care!!

I saw a post about something like this and it's been stuck in my head lately. You know WHY he's taking months upon months upon months to produce just a SCRAP of a video? Someone said that he's milking every single video dry of potential money that he could get. He could've done the zoom video, he could've done a zoom call with the sides, he could've done SOMETHING since the last sides video. But he chooses not to cause he's so money hungry that he just doesn't care enough to.

Also!!! I'm not sure if you knew, but Thomas released keychains on his shop a few months ago. Literally every one I've seen on Tumblr so far has complained about the keychains. They always come in chipped or broken. And they have a very cheap covering over them I'm talking EXTREMELY cheap covering. And if you try to fix it? It'll ruin the coloring. There is no excuse for that at all. He's just being so incredibly lazy at this point and it's so showing

And the point that the one Thomas and friends video with all the animators? He never paid a single dime to those animators. They were crunched in time, they had to rush in order to met the dead line, and once they finished they didn't get paid!!!!

There is so much beef I could talk about with Thomas right now. I want to leave the fandom so badly but I've made a lot of friends here, plus, I still really love drawing and writing the characters. But it's become a point where every single video that Thomas makes just...irritates the fuck out of me. So don't worry, your now alone here. I won't blame you for leaving!!

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Honestly. The fact that he used Emile is something that pisses me off the most. Because so many people DO love him, and wanted to see him in the three years since the therapy vids were posted. But he just didn’t do anything, until suddenly he’s realizing how many people weren’t renewing their patreons, and did this plea

And that’s super true. He milks all he can from a video, and then when people are starting to lose interest; he pops back up with something new

So I did know that the shop was SUPER sketchy. Because stuff would be missing, damaged, not show at all. And trying to get your money back was hella bad. But that, that’s just fucked

Yea, I’ve been toeing out of the fandom for a while now. But this, this just pissed me off so fucking much that I’m officially done, like done done

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solesurvivorpaigeargot · 3 years

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Mental Health Struggles

(CW: Depression, anxiety. No nasty details just mention there of)

Hey all, as you may have heard, I am neurodivergant. ADHD, with a depressive disorder and generalized anxiety to hit that 'everything happens so much, everything is too much, and everything is meaningless' trifecta that is... well, it's a thing.

I'll spare you the gory details but to say that things are being confusing and upsetting as I try to set up continued mental health care, and after hitting multiple dead ends with those attempts (which is... not great since my ADHD presents with extremely strong RSD) I woke up today, took 25 minutes to even take the medicine I do have (its on my end table for immediate access)... and realized depression had gone and cast fucking Slow on my day before it fucking began.

Depression sucks. Lets not mince words. It sucks. Like all mental health issues, everyone's experience with depression is subjective, but there is no experience of depression that doesn't suck absolute sweaty monkey taint. I'm not gonna go into the gory details cause I don't think you need them, and I don't want the exhausting toll of recounting them for a public posting.

I'm going to keep doing my best, but outside of Sketchy Saturday I may be... less than present online as we get this latest mess all straightened out. I've got support on my side-- I just wanted to let you all know what's up. A person runs this blog. A person runs the Sketchy events. A human being who struggles and fights and has bad days is doing all of this, cause it MATTERS, damnit.

I guess I made this post for me a bit. It matters. I won't let the gremlins tell me it doesn't.

Much love to you all out there. I believe in you,

-Loor

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

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Two Sides of a War

Peter Parker x reader

warnings: a fight scene that makes no fucking sense bdhshagag, bad writing in general

a/n: thank you !

prompt: anonymous: “okay so dating peter parker and then fighting him during civil war cause the reader is on team cap?? thank much love you and your writing”

You and Peter were just two wannabe up-and-coming vigilantes heroes based in New York. You barely had a name for yourself, just some YouTube videos with some...interesting comments. Why are people so attracted to masks?

Peter and you crossed paths as Spider-Man and y/h/n a couple dozen times while watching over the streets of New York, after a while, you guys became good friends and revealed your identities to each other. It wasn’t long before the two of you fell for each other.

Now you were being approached by the famous Wanda Maximoff and Clint Barton, two Avengers who needed your help. You couldn’t just say no! This was the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Where are we going?” You asked as you packed up your suit.

“Germany.” Hawkeye replied while you slung your backpack over your shoulder.

“I’m good to go.”

Along the way, you picked up another masked individual, Scott. He sure talked a lot, he talked until he passed out. Once it was quiet, you realized something. You hadn’t told Peter where you were. This was the coolest opportunity you’d ever received and you had yet to share it with him. You stared at your lockscreen, the picture of the two of you sitting on a rooftop eating cardboard-tasting pizza. Never again would you order from there.

You typed out your message, reading it over and over again.

Pete, you’ll never guess where I am right now. I’m in Germany, dude!! Apparently the Avengers aren’t doing to well, so they called me in. They told me I’d be home for dinner though, I don’t know if they meant dinner in NY or dinner here, either way, it’s gonna be awesome! Wish me luck, love you!!! 💙❤️💙❤️

You selected the entire message and deleted it, casting your phone aside on the seat of the van. Honestly, that text might worry him more than anything. Suddenly you just run off to another country with some rogue Avengers? Sounds a bit sketchy. Your stomach didn’t feel too good now, what if you made a mistake coming here? No way, this is your chance to do the right thing. The Accords they told you about were ridiculous, they shouldn’t have to wait for a vote on where to help. They should just be able to help.

The van came to a halt and the engine switched off.

“Ready to meet the Captain, y/n?” Clint asked you as you gathered your things.

“Definitely.” He stepped out of the van and opened the door for you, you stepped over Scott and hopped out, dropping your bag on the pavement. “Hi, I’m y/n, y/h/n. Here to help.” You waved at the three men in front of you with an awkward smile to go along with it. You were so caught up in the thought of fighting alongside these big names that you forgot that you were probably going to be extremely intimidated.

“It’s good to have you, y/n. Thanks for coming here on such short notice.” Captain America himself reached out his hand and you nearly forgot how to shake somebody’s hand. “Are we all ready to go?”

—————

You marched through the lot of the airport beside your new teammates, heart racing with anticipation, you should be a bit scared, but this was the coolest thing you’ve ever had the chance to do! After some bickering between the Tony Stark and the Captain America, Tony called out some random word.

“Underoos!” Iron Man yelled and a red figure flew onto the scene.

“That can’t be..?” You muttered loud enough for Cap to hear and he looked over to see your puzzled face. It was. “What the hell?” You said loud enough for everyone to hear, now all eyes were on you.

“Oh, shit.” Peter put his hand to his forehead, this could not be happening right now.

“Wait, kid, you know them?” Tony asked his newest recruit, who’s white eyes grew larger as he stared at you in shock.

“That’s...heh, funny story, Mr. Stark.” Peter stood up with Cap’s shield on his arm.

“I’m his partner, his s/o. You got him a new suit?” You cut in and Tony gave you a dirty look.

“I wasn’t asking you, pipsqueak.” He snapped back at you. “Of course I got him a new suit, he was wearing rags. You could use an upgrade, too.”

“This is awkward.” Peter piped in before getting punched in the face by Ant-Man. And just like that, you all scrambled to take each other down, you were determined to make it over to Peter, hiding behind a gasoline truck to talk.

“Peter, why didn’t you tell me that Tony Stark picked you up?” You and him yanked your masks off and your boyfriend engulfed you into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark told me to keep it quiet! I honestly don’t want to fight you, this could get bad.” Peter held your cheeks in his hands and brushed his thumb on your face. “Please don’t punch me that hard.”

“I dunno, Pete, I can’t make any promises.” You joked and kissed his palm. “Kidding, be careful out there. There are some heavy hitters.” You put his mask back on and adjusted your own before running back to the fight, Peter swinging above you. The fight couldn’t have been more tense, all these friends were suddenly turned against each other and somehow you and Peter fell into the middle of it.

“Hey, Spider-Boy!” Tony called to your boyfriend. “Why don’t you take care of your little lover?” He suggested, making Peter very uncomfortable for many different reasons.

“It’s ‘Spider-Man,’” he whined and reluctantly swung back over to you, making you lose your balance and tumble backwards, “hey, me again!”

“They want you to take care of me, huh?” You crossed your arms and cocked an eyebrow, the ultimate look of disapproval. Peter lifted the bottom half of his mask for you to see his lips move.

“I think you may be on the wrong side of this one, y/n. I mean, these guys are doing something illegal.” Peter grabbed you by your upper arms and pulled you to safety, there was debris flying every which way.

“Did Tony tell you what it was?” You turned you head and gave him a know-it-all smile, Peter sucked his tongue and did you one better, an awkward smile.

“Well, no...” He rubbed the back of his neck and you nodded along.

“That’s what I thought.” You reached your arms out to him, which was deceiving since your next move was a front-flip over his shoulders, pressing the button to his web shooters and wrapping the webs around his wrists. Peter barely reacted because, well, he didn’t think his own s/o would disarm him like that. “You should sit this one out, babe. You’re doing more harm than good.” You folded his mask back down and patted his head, strutting away to help your team again.

“Y/N?! Are you serious?!” He squirmed around trying to break loose from the binds of his own weapon. “Mr. Stark? I could use a little help here!” Peter cried out while shimmying against a piece of metal to free himself. “These things are so strong! I can’t tell if I should be happy or mad at my work!”

“What’s going on, kid?” Tony flew to Peter and witnessed his struggles.

“I’m a little stuck.”

—————

The fight came to rough close for your team as everyone went down one by one.

“What’s gonna happen to them, Mr. Stark?” The freed Spider-Man asked his boss.

“Well, my young padawan, the proper authorities get to deal with them!” Tony told the Spider-Man and realized what this would mean. With a reluctant groan he looked around the airport for you. “Alright, kid, your little friend is laying on the ground near that plane wing. Go get them, I’ll cover for ‘em.”

“Thank you, sir!” Peter rushed to go and get you, worried by the fact that you were just laying there. “Y/N? Y/N, are you okay?” Peter fell to his knees and shook you by the shoulders.

“Yep! I’m good.” You answered without opening your eyes. “Can we go home? Please?” You begged him, reaching out and accidentally hitting his face.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He laced his arms under your knees and back, when you were moved you moaned in pain. “You’re gonna be okay.”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlisbeth // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee //

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #tony stark #iron man

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spaceskam · 3 years

Note

14 maria deluca

i’m sorry this took so long, I am indeed a distaster

tags: friends with benefits, fluff (mostly), pre-relationship, POV Maria DeLuca

14. Casual [ao3]

It started out as a good idea.

Maria needed an outlet and Kyle needed a distraction. It was fitting, honestly, because they both worked weird schedules. It wasn’t anything serious, just something they did when they needed to blow off some steam. One of them would go to the other’s after a long shift at work, they’d hook up at three or so in the morning, and then they’d make a respectable walk of shame at around six.

It was only when it became rather recurring and they started running into issues of keeping it a secret between them that the good idea part seemed to fade.

“Okay, so, maybe we should talk,” Kyle said one morning as they both laid in his bed, his questionably expensive sheets draped over them. They’d caught their breath already and the sweat on their skin was drying. Maria, personally, felt nice and floaty still.

“About what?” she asked.

Kyle shifted onto his side and looked down at her, gaze warm and welcoming in a way that made her heart beat a little faster. That was all new. She still wasn’t quite sure how to handle that feeling. That or the fluttery feeling she got whenever she showed up at his door smelling like alcohol and sweat and he looked at her like he’d be willing to lick the ground she walked on.

“Rosa is coming home soon,” Kyle said, “And she’s gonna be staying with me. New environment, a non-alien environment. No offense.”

“None taken,” Maria said as she moved to prop herself up on her elbows.

She’d gone to see Rosa a few times in rehab, but things between them were still a little off and none of it was made better by Isobel monopolizing Rosa’s visiting hours. Maria was hoping to fix that after she came back home. They were best friends at one point and she knew they could figure out a way to get that back, even if times had changed and they now had nearly a decade of age difference. The alien thing was just a fork in the already bumpy road.

But Maria was looking forward to putting in the extra effort.

“I’m not exactly sure how to navigate this with her in the house,” Kyle said.

“I mean, I don’t mind coming over when she’s here. I want to start hanging out with her more, two birds, one stone,” Maria said. Kyle made a face. A small one, but a face nonetheless. “Okay, then you can come to mine.”

“Then she’s going to ask where I was.”

Maria searched his face, trying to find anything that would give away whatever he was thinking. Kyle was usually pretty good at saying what was on his mind all the way up until he was sure it was going to get a negative response.

“Oh. So… you want to stop.”

“I don’t want to,” Kyle insisted, sitting up a bit more, “I just don’t know how else we can keep going without her noticing something is up.”

“I mean, we’re all adults here, it’s fine if she knows.”

“Yeah, but she’s my little-big sister and your friend and I’m her sister’s ex, that’s weird, right? If she knows about our sex life? Like, honestly, I don’t want to stop, I have a lot of fun with you, but you don’t think she’d think it’s gross or awkward or something?” Kyle said. Maria huffed a laugh, tilting her head as she sat up completely alongside him.

“Do you really think she’s going to care? After seeing her big-little sister dating one of the guys that literally covered up her murder, I don’t think me and you are going to be that big of an issue,” Maria said. Her tone was colder than intended, but she couldn’t help it when bringing up the topic of Rosa’s murder.

God, that still pissed her off to an unmatched degree.

“I just don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable around me or in her own house,” Kyle said, a little pout on his ridiculously handsome features.

Sometimes, when she let herself think too much, Maria couldn’t fathom why Kyle was interested in her of all people. He had a good, stable job and had the face of a fucking god. It wasn’t even that she thought low of herself, it just didn’t make sense that he would settle for anyone in this town. And yet, here he was, trying to think of a way to make his sister feel welcome in his home.

How perfect could he get?

“I know her pretty well, I think,” Maria said. And she did. She felt like she knew Rosa better than she knew most people. Granted, there was a possibility some of it wasn’t as accurate as she would like it to be, but time causes a lot of fuck ups. “And I don’t think she’d be uncomfortable. I mean, she might make fun of us and make it awkward for us, but for the most part, I’d think she’d be fine.”

Kyle bit down on his lip hesitantly.

“Are you positive?” he wondered.

“If it would make it easier, I can talk to her about it,” Maria offered. That didn’t seem to bring him any kind of solace. “Or we can not tell her anything and just act normal? Like this is totally casual and not worthy of a discussion?”

“Casual,” Kyle repeated, nodding his head. Maria didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing to hear. “Right. Um. Okay. What if we go somewhere in between?”

“What the hell is in between?”

“Okay,” Kyle said, shifting towards her with so much enthusiasm that the sheets shifted and she got a very distracting glimpse of the length of his torso down to his upper thigh, “What if we just tell her that we’ve been hanging out more? Like, as friends. No details necessary.”

Maria searched his face, feeling almost guilty at the way he seemed so convinced that was a great idea. Rosa was going to see right through it and she was going to call them out immediately. But, if that’s what he wanted, she would do it.

“Okay. I’ll tell her that we’re just hanging out.”

“Okay, cool,” Kyle said, shoulders dropping with relief. He then blinked at her twice before throwing himself back onto her, pushing them both back into the mattress.

Maria laughed as he did so, smiled as he kissed her again, enjoyed every second as he fit himself on top of her effortlessly.

It was definitely worth trying to come up with something to tell Rosa.

Or. That was going to work well in theory.

It’d been two weeks since Rosa had started staying with Kyle, two weeks since Maria was hanging out with her more whenever she could. She and Kyle decided not to risk anything sketchy, but they’d both been getting a little antsy and, truthfully, phone sex just wasn’t cutting it when the real thing was right there.

So, Maria found herself at 3:30 AM standing on Kyle’s porch and tapping her foot against the ground. The plan was she was going to be quiet, slip into his bedroom, get their fix, and slip out before Rosa woke up.

But, when Kyle opened the door with wide eyes and a tilted head, she knew something was up.

“She’s still awake,” Kyle whispered. Maria couldn’t even find it in herself to be shocked. She was more annoyed that she had been so blindsided by horny brain that she forgot Rosa was borderline nocturnal.

“Do you want me to leave?” Maria whispered back.

“Well, I already opened the door, so‒”

“You’re going to let bugs in and I’m not killing any of them, I’m just going to push them into your bedroom!” Rosa called, “Just tell Maria to come in!”

“I guess you’re coming in,” Kyle said.

Maria took a deep breath and tried not to feel weird about it as she stepped inside. Kyle, however, had apparently never learned to hide any of his facial expressions and his disappointment was written clear across his face. Maria carefully swatted his stomach and headed into the living room.

“Hey!” Maria said, reaching out to give Rosa a hug where she was sitting on the couch. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap and her eyes were trained on the gory scene in front of her, but she still managed to give Maria a hug.

“Hey, how was work?” Rosa asked, glancing over at her just to show she was paying attention before looking back to the TV.

“Fine. Didn’t have to throw anyone out and I got tipped pretty well, so I can’t complain,” Maria said, her eyes following Kyle as he went to sit on the other side of Rosa.

“That’s good. Kyle over here didn’t even save a life this evening, so I’m glad one of you did something productive,” she said. Kyle glared at her like he was personally offended.

“The fact that we didn’t have any extremely pressing surgeries tonight is a good thing,” Kyle said. Rosa shrugged.

Maria found herself laughing quietly at their casual bickering. It was a weird, yet welcome change. She had gotten so used to hearing it from Liz and Rosa that it was strange hearing it from someone else, but it was also a new way to see Kyle. Maria quite liked each new version of him she saw.

Still, they lapsed into silence as they watched the movie. Maria had no idea what the plot was or what was even happening, she just knew there was a lot of screaming and a lot of blood splatter, and Rosa seemed invested. So Maria tried to get equally invested, but she produced a less than stellar performance.

Instead, she found herself glancing behind Rosa’s head to look at Kyle. Half the time he was already looking at her. The idea that he couldn’t stop looking at her had her shifting in her seat and feeling a bit warm. She wanted him more than her logical brain could even make sense of and she didn’t know how to feel that not even Rosa’s presence and her movie of choice could turn her off.

What the hell was Kyle doing to her?

“Oh my God,” Rosa said suddenly, groaning and grumbling in Spanish as she leaned forward to grab the remote. Maria jumped, eyes wide as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. But she hadn’t. All she did was look at Kyle. That wasn’t illegal. Still, Rosa shut the movie off. “Can you guys stop eye-fucking over my head? I’m going to vomit.”

“What are you talking about?” Kyle asked, but his face gave it away. He was the worst liar Maria had ever seen.

That made him all the more endearing.

“I know y’all are seeing each other or whatever the fuck,” Rosa said, pushing off the couch and putting the bowl on the table, “I don’t care, by the way, but I’d rather you never make me sit through that ever again. That was disgusting.”

“We didn’t even do anything,” Maria defended. Rosa rolled her eyes.

“I know you well enough to know what you do when you’re flirting and you’re totally flirting with my brother right in front of my eyes,” Rosa said. Kyle took a sharp breath in. “So gross. I’m going to my room and playing my music loudly. Call me when you’re not waiting for me to go to sleep so you can bang like I’m a child.”

Rosa saluted and walked to the guest bedroom. Sure enough, loud music started coming from her room and Maria let out a disbelieving laugh. She didn’t have enough time to turn to Kyle before her phone alerted her of a message.

Rosa<3: It’d be a lot less gross if I wasn’t related to him, but at least he isn’t ugly and he’s also a doctor. So gross but also good job, proud of you, make him buy us a yacht once he pays of his student loans

Maria laughed, a bit of weight lifted off her chest. She didn’t really think Rosa would mind, but Kyle’s nerves about it had rubbed off on her. She looked up to let him know that she was all for it and saw Kyle still staring straight forward, lips parted in shock.

“Hey,” Maria said, eyebrows pulling together as she slid closer. She put her hand on his shoulder. “You okay? She doesn’t mind, like, she’s not mad or anything.”

“That’s the first time she’s called me her brother to my face,” Kyle said, turning his head, “She’s never said I was her brother.”

Maria smiled softly, “Well, you are.”

“Yeah, but… she never says it. I don’t know, I feel like that was some kind of milestone or something. Like I should celebrate,” Kyle said, huffing a laugh. Maria shook her head fondly and slid her hand across his shoulder blades.

“I know a couple of ways we can celebrate.”

“I was kinda thinking of grabbing a beer with Alex, but that’s good too,” Kyle said honestly. Maria laughed and tugged him closer. She felt his breath on her lips and wondered how the hell she went two whole weeks without it.

“You can do both.”

“I like your thinking,” Kyle murmured, and then he was on her, leaning in and kissing her as it’d been forever. And it sort of had been.

Kyle didn’t break the kiss as he shifted around and grabbed her thighs, lifting her off the couch. Maria gasped softly in response, but she held onto him and let him take her to his bedroom. Rosa’s music was still clear despite it being muted by his bedroom door closing.

They fell back onto his bed, pulling each other closer and closer and it seemed impossible to get enough. Even as they started stripping and touching and things heated, none of it seemed like it would be satisfying enough. She wanted to do this for hours. Days. Weeks.

And suddenly it didn’t feel so casual anymore.

And, for some reason, Maria didn’t even mind.

#maria/kyle #maria/kyle fic #maria deluca #kyle valenti #roswell new mexico #my fic #title tuesday

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #427

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one enslaved”

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I wouldn't say anything, I'm pretty sure I'd just break down. Do you play video games? Not really anymore. :/ I probably would, though, if I had the appropriate consoles for games I want. You can only replay PS2 games but so many times before you're tired of them. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No, honestly. Is your house more than two stories tall? It only has one floor. Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I'm not in a relationship, but I have most certainly never hit an s/o, and they've never hit me. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I'm not. What color is your hairbrush/comb? White. What snacks do you have available in your household atm? Hm. Just some fruity grain and oats bars, as well as cashew ones. We try to keep sweets out of the house. Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? No. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Holy fuck yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous. Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? Ha, I'm sure. Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Some random middle-aged man, like who are you sir. Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can be so rude to people sometimes. When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Not sure. It's been quite a while. Do you play any games on Facebook? No. What would you like to get a degree in? It'd be nice to get a degree in Arts, but yeah... I'm never going back to school. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Pretty much every night. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Almost without fail. You've got to, it's part of the experience. What genre of films do you like the best? Horror. How many bank accounts do you have? None, actually. Have you ever had the flu? No, thankfully. What is your goal for the next few months? To start getting in shape/losing weight. I seriously hope this gym routine works out. Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? I have seveeeere sleep apnea. It's shocking, I never would've guessed it, though, so the diagnosis (I had a sleep study, so yes, it's legit) was an extreme surprise. I don't snore at all, nor do I like pass out in the middle of something, but I stop breathing A LOT. For a year or two (no, that is not an exaggeration), it caused consistent, horrible, and violent nightmares/terrors. It made sleep frightening to me, and I was never getting a truly restful sleep. Now, I have an APAP mask (like a less extreme version of a CPAP mask) that helps me greatly. I only very rarely am surprised by a more subtle nightmare now. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thankfully. What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Quality tattoos, for one. And maybe uhhh... idk. We're the kind of family that buys off-brand foods and drinks all the time because it's cheaper, so I can't say that. Maybe health care? Like I wouldn't want service from a sketchy dentist or something. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and romantic. Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? No. You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? That's hard for me to say. She doesn't seem to like talking about her past very much, because I know it's turbulent with her mother. I would say her being disowned, but I don't know how that *actually* affected her. Maybe it was for the better she wasn't under her mom's authority anymore. Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I guess my mom, but she's actually smaller than me now. She's lost a lot of weight and is still going at it. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Not a house, but rather hay rides and those places you just walk through and experience different stuff. They don't scare me at all; I love 'em. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? Ugh, mopping. I don't mind dusting. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No. Did you pull a senior prank? No. That shit is so dumb. Did you graduate? High school, yes. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? No, and I never would. What was the last song you listened to? I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park right now. It's great. Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no. Is fashion one of your interests? No. Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? Hell if I know. Do you care what people think? Way, way more than I should. Is acting something you enjoy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel so stupid. What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I tore a ligament badly in my foot maybe a year and a half ago. I was SO sure it was broken. My mom had to help me walk everywhere, and even when she did, I'd be whimpering and seething. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? No. Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? If we're excluding all family, I suppose Sara's? Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Probably at some point as a kid. Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? I played a lot. The only two I really didn't like were soccer and cheerleading. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Hell yeah, I loved it as a kid. Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Ha ha y'all know I joke about it, but no, not legitimately. It's not like I know him personally at all, and I'm not chasing him to California either. Just let me dream still lmao. Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No, but I've actually heard it's truly therapeutic and not just for dramatic effect, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing so if you handed me a picture of him and a lighter. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? I've never hiked before. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Uh, no. Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Jason. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My dad smokes like a chimney and is 100% going to end up with cancer because of it. You should hear his cough. Mom smoked for a very, very brief period before I was born. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Equal in our bones" is on my favorite shirt. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Certain inverts people are wild enough to get, like giant African centipedes in particular. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Can't say I care. do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Ha, no. We all have natural first impressions and things like that that just... happen. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Nothing, really... besides just childhood memories that inevitably came. My hometown was dangerous. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? I'm not sure. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? I want to say Old Yeller, but I'm not sure. What’s your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden and The Cheesecake Factory. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Yeah; I don't like pie, strawberry shortcake, and I know there're others. Favorite album? Ozzy's Black Rain. It was my introduction to metal, so there's nostalgic value there, but I also just LOVE every single song. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? None. I don't read books for that reason. Underwater or outer space? Both kinda frighten me to a degree, but I find outer space to be way cooler. So many colorrrrrrs. Dogs or cats? Cats. Kittens or puppies? Ugh, both are so cute, but I gotta hand it to kittens. Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching would blow me away. Whales are such magnificent, awe-inspiring animals. What is your spirit animal? Probably a deer. Skittish, shy, and quiet. What was your best subject in school? English. What was your worst subject in school? Math. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? You and Jason aren't going to last, hunty. Who is your fashion icon? I don't have one. I wear what I want/what's comfortable. Diamonds or pearls? I think diamonds are a lot prettier. What color dress did you wear to prom? First one was maroon, last one was black. What’s your favorite plot-twist? Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. My jaw actually dropped. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes. Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Said things I shouldn't. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Two weeks ago or something like that. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? OH MY GOD NO alskdfa;wekrwer; Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Who are you closest to? My mom. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. Are you currently sad about anything? A number of things. Have you had any form of exercise today? No, but tomorrow is day #2 at the gym! Can you handle blood? Yeah, np. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No sir=ee. Are you currently searching for a job? Not anymore, at least not actively. I was going to after TMS, but I'm just... still not ready. Right now, I'm focusing on the gym and getting healthy again, but if the seemingly perfect job comes along, I'm not opposed to taking it up. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No, I've got to have breakfast or else THEN I feel awful.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''thoughts & prayers" by motionless in white

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damn-stark · 4 years

Text

Child of Ren Ch. 8

A/N- I like to think that the knights of Ren are like a motorcycle gang. I love em even if we got such little screen time with them :/ anyway hope you guys liked this chapter, I enjoyed writing it, take care out there and leave your thoughts below :)

Warning- swearing, angst, Poe fluff, Slow burn, another long chapter.

Pairing- Poe Dameron x Reader x Rey, Kylo Ren x Reader (platonic)

Takes place- after TLJ & before TROS

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

———

“Alright, what do you see hon?” Poe asks just above a whisper over the Comlink

You scan the street once again, taking in the busy city street. Scum, thief’s, vendors and some nice civilians scattered every so often but that was rare, especially so low in Coruscant. The lower you got in the city, the more danger you were put in, especially when it came to you.

“Stormtroopers scattered all around the streets, but beside that just the normal scum.” You sigh pulling away your rifle blaster albeit not your own but one borrowed from base— you push yourself to your feet. “Theirs cameras hidden in every other building, the stormtroopers here you can pay off, but the people not so much. One sight of me and the whole lower level is after us.”

“You know as much as I don’t trust y/n, at least her contact wasn’t in Coruscant.” Finn complained over the comlink, making Poe sigh loudly and practically hear his eyes roll.

You can’t help but let out a small chuckle before jumping down to a lower level of the building and once again scanning the area, pulling your scarf over the lower half of your face to attempt to hide as much of yourself as you could. “I’m just warning that if die here or get captured their will be hell to pay.”

Poe lets out a genuine laugh, the cockiness behind his voice clearly heard over the comlink, “well if you’re scared you can hold my hand, I promise I won’t let go.”

You smile under your scarf and can’t help but roll your eyes in a lighthearted way, for a moment just thinking of accepting his offer.

“Pfft scared, me? Have you met me? you can hold my hand if you’re scared.” You dismiss his offer and zoom in closer to the busy street, keeping a watchful eye for anything or anyone suspicious.

“I’m not scared, but I might just take you up on that offer sweetheart.” He says with the same amount of cockiness or even more than before.

“Focus, what else do you see y/n?” Finn questions sharply, all sort of amusement disappeared from your face. You didn’t need him to tell you what to do, you were already doing it, you could multitask. You were trained by Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren after all; but of course he didn’t know that. Neither of them did.

“More and more stormtroopers, all heavily armed and armored. We need to be extremely careful, theirs in no doubt also Bounty Hunters hidden among the crowd. And theirs no doubt they’re all here looking for me. Hoping to catch me for the reward.” You informed them both as you got up and secured your weapon behind your back, taking in a deep breath before jumping down into the alleyway.

“You can use the force.” Finn pointed out, almost like he was informing you on what you could do.

“Yes, I can, but one can never be too cautious. Looking over your shoulder has to become second nature. Learn that.”

“Has anyone told you that you’re overly paranoid?”

You muster up a small laugh as you shake your head, “not directly, why? Have you heard something?”

“Focus. No distractions, no talking to anyone, we just walk to our destination, get what we’re here for and leave. We can’t risk being seen.” Poe announces cutting the conversation Finn and you were having as they both climbed down into the poorly lit alleyway with you. “The person I know isn’t far from here, if we hurry we’ll get there quick.”

You respond with a small nod before pulling your hoodie over your head—moments like these were the times where you really missed your helmet.

“How do you even know this person, Poe? Sounds sketchy if you ask me.” Finn expresses to his friend, the same thought you also had. You never pegged Poe as the type to deal with..shady people, always more of a person that always walks on the right side and never the bad—Who knows? even if he did, you’re no one to judge his past.

Poe stays silent as he walks ahead, leading Finn and you before answering, “it doesn’t matter.” He answers rather bluntly, his tone in voice saying in all forms to drop it and ask no questions. Perhaps he’s just as shady or even more than you.

—

Wanted posters of you were decorating every wall, all saying the same thing ‘EXTREMELY DANGEROUS’ and ‘BRING TO THE FIRST ORDER UNINJURED’. It caused you to be paranoid, for your eyes to catch every small movement anyone made as you moved past them. No one could recognize you if you remained disguised, but that still didn’t mean that someone could or would at any moment if they stared for a moment too long.

“Damn hon, theirs posters of you everywhere, what did you do? who are you? A daughter of some important senator or King?” Poe questioned curiously as his eyes moved past yet another one of your posters.

You sigh nervously, “something like that.” You avoid Finn’s curious stare, focusing on yet another poster of yourself. This one catching your eye more than the others one had. You move your eyes back to see if Finn was still looking back at you, he wasn’t. Using that as your opportunity you fell out of line and moved towards the poster, your eyes fixated on the poster.

Once you finally reached the wall with the poster, you ripped the poster from the wall, your eyes widening as you saw something familiar drawn on your mugshot. A scar....just like Kylo’s. Your breath hitched and you gripped onto the poster, wrinkling the corner with a firm hold. Their was a form of similarity to the picture of you and him, if he was placed alongside it; the glare, the frown, the way you tried to project yourself as fearless and with no emotion, when in fact you—neither of you were anything but that. And yet it was a similarity that you couldn’t accept, one you tried to deny. One being that he wasn’t even related to you by blood and two..well..two being that you couldn’t accept that you were like him.

“Ren.”

Instantly your whole body stiffens at the sound of that name, your breath catching in your throat and fear slowly seeping through.

“Turn around. I can’t see you, but I can feel you.” The same voice says, making you spin around to try and spot the location of the voice, your eyes frantically searching the crowd for who it could be. “Don’t try and see me, feel me.” The voice projects louder. You hesitate and think of just running off to catch up with Poe and Finn, but before you could attempt to do so the voice called again; “I sense your hesitation. Don’t worry, you can trust me. After all I have a truth you seek.”

Poe said no distractions. This was currently one. A big one. You attempt to move away but as you take a step away you can’t help but reach out with the force, your curiosity getting the best of you. You continue moving, unconsciously going the wrong way, instead of going to find the guys, you’re moving towards the voice. The energy of the being growing stronger and stronger until—there. Finally coming to a stop in front of a door-less building, the violet light inside shining in a soft and almost calming hue.

A sound of someone shuffling inside, made your eyes follow the sound until you spotted a small blue Ardennian sentient. Your eyes searched the place and the sentient, looking for any sign of this being any sort of trap. Their was an urge to just leave, but then the sentient said something that fully caught your attention, “Y/N, daughter of Kylo. Please come in.”

Your eyebrows furrow at the sound of the comment, not having the energy the correct the sentient or ask how it knew your name. Either way your hesitation returned; “I should find my friends.” You speak slowly, your eyes heavily trained on the sentient before you turned them towards the exit, “they’re probably worried.” You move out the exit, but again you’re stopped.

“I see beyond what’s hidden and meant to be hidden. Truths. Pasts. Stories long forgotten. Flickers of futures.”

Your breath hitches whilst you remove the hood from your head and pull the scarf down, missing the way passing people looked at you. Before you turn to the sentient, your curiosity for your own hidden truths blinded you from thinking straight. Slowly you move towards where the sentient is seated, the curtain beads hanging from the ceiling lightly hitting one another as you moved through them.

Carefully you take a seat in front of the sentient, “what do you know?” You question it, the sentient showing a proud smile. It’s lips part to say something, but it quickly closes them, it’s white milky eyes rolling past your shoulder.

“Y/N! There you are!” You hear Poe exclaim frantically as both Finn and him walk inside. “I was worried. What the hell happened?” you look over your shoulder, and see him already close behind you, his hand wrapping around your arm to pull you to your feet. His eyes fall on the sentient and then the small blanket covered table, instantly getting the idea of what was going on; “it’s all a scam, just after your credits. Let’s go.” He whispers in your ear, offering the sentient a feigned smile as he began to pull you away.

“Not a scam. Anything but that...Commander Dameron.”

Poe and Finn stop moving, both looking at one another wide eyed after hearing information not given.

“Kyber crystals are priceless gems...luckily for you I don’t want what you hold, I just seek y/n’s full given attention.” The voice says. Quickly you pull away from Poe’s grasp and move back to your seat, the sentient once again smiling proudly and knowing. “I know what you seek. A past forgotten.”

You offer a quick nod, “yes. Can you tell me? Tell me who I am?” You speak softly, your voice giving off emotions not expressed on your face.

“Y/N, we don’t have time for this, let’s go.” Poe says to you as he comes behind you again, attempting to pull you back up, only for you to pull away and shoot him a glare.

“Just wait.” You hiss before turning your attention back to the sentient.

The sentient grabs your hands and slightly tilts it head to the side, the white milky in its eyes seeming to whirl as it talked “Child, what you seek is a past not meant to be remembered,” your lips part in disbelief, your eyes beginning to sting with tears, “what you seek you already found, it lies before you. Just let the light shine through to see clearly, when you do that’s when you’ll finally know.” You pull your hands away from the sentient and swallow thickly, your jaw and fists clenching tightly, as you get up to leave the sentient finishes, “but if you really seek who you were before, than that will be revealed soon enough.”

You respond with silence, pulling your hood and scarf back on. The answers you truly seeked not at all what you wanted to hear. It broke your heart, but you didn’t express such emotion, instead your eyes slid to Poe, “let’s go.”

As you move to storm out of the building the sentient says one more thing, one thing that really pisses you off in more ways than one, “let your past die.” Without another word you storm out, letting anger build up inside you, instead of letting your heartache seep and take over. Instead of getting the answers you wanted you were left with more questions.

As you noticed that you still carried your wanted poster from before, you looked down at it, a single tear escaping from you and hitting the poster.

Poe fell to your side, eyeing the poster before turning to look at you with a sympathetic look, “Y/N—”

“Just.” You pause as you catch sound of your own sharp voice. You let out sigh before balling the poster in your hand; “we’re almost arriving to your contacts location?”

“Y-yes.”

“Let’s hurry then.”

—

In a careful movement you tie the end of the delicate side braid that you took too long to do, carefully letting it rest on your shoulder as a small almost invisible smile grows on your lips at your job well done—considering that you weren’t used to braiding your own hair. At all.

A silent exhausted sigh escapes your lips as you lean in on the balcony, fidgeting with the violet kyber crystal in your hand. What the “all too knowing” sentient had said about what you seeked, only left more questions about yourself than before, and left you with no information on who you really were. When that’s all you really wanted, just who you were. But no, it gave you nothing but anger and some a deep saying that you didn’t understand.

All you wanted to do now was just leave, and be by yourself in the deep jungle, just your thoughts and you, but alas you couldn’t get that either as you waited for Poe’s contact to give you all the fuel you came here for. And as for being alone well that was short lived as you heard heavy hesitant footsteps come behind you, getting louder until they stopped beside you. And for some apparent reason your fragile mind thought it was Kylo who stood at your side, but you knew it wasn’t, but for some reason your mind instantly came to that conclusion, perhaps it was the boots? Right?

You didn’t have to look to your side to know that it was actually Poe next to you. His hesitance known not only by his sigh but the energy you read off of him.

His eyes travel your face, unknowingly lighting up as he saw you; “your hair...it’s picked up. It looks nice.” He compliments, making you hide your blush that began to grow, he then cleared his throat, “anyway, I’m sorry my friend is making us wait. Should be back with the fuel soon.” He quietly mentioned, still very hesitant as if almost scared to talk to you after what you had heard with the sentient.

You gnaw at your bottom lip before turning your head to the side and face him, “it’s alright.” You pause and show a feigned smile, “you’re lucky I’m a very patient person.”

Instead of responding with a small laugh or a smile, like you expected him too, he responded with a sympathetic look almost like he saw right through you.

“You okay?” He asks, and with that simple question it takes everything within you not to breakdown in front of him.

You simply nod, while you bite down on your bottom lip and turn away from him. “Yeah...I’m fine.”

He looks at you with a perplexed look, hesitance once again overriding his emotions. “I just—what the sentient said, just seemed to bum you out.” He struggled to say.

You sigh and stare down at your kyber crystal, “I’ll be fine,” again you pause. “I just wanted to know more and well I didn’t so...I’ll be fine.” You feel the confusion within him, the hesitance to ask something else. Scared that you might just turn him away and leave the conversation when he wanted to know more of the stranger within you. Knowing and feeling that within him, you turn your body to your side, facing him while still leaning on the balcony. You hesitate this time, but still manage to speak a little bit more of what he didn’t know about you.

“My past is complicated and something I’m not proud of, but also something I couldn’t control.” You inhale deeply and struggle to say what you were going to say next, while also carefully walking around revealing anything about your real identity, “I loved and trusted the wrong person. He left my heart and my mind broken..” you remain silent and keep your eyes on anything but him, as you tried not to cry in front of him.

He nods slowly, silence overcoming the both of you as his mind ran over what to say. Overthinking the thought of having been unknowingly pushy. He didn’t mean to at all, but as he saw how your face drop when you talked about that mysterious person he couldn’t help but feel bad for overstepping.

“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to overstep I’m sorry-”

“Its okay, really. I just..,” you don’t know what brings you to reveal your emotions, insecurities that you’ve had a hard time accepting to yourself since everything with Kylo went down; “I just-just feel lost...I don’t know, on who I am or am meant to be. The people I was with before took that away from me, the possibility of being my own person,” you pause and take a shaky deep breath, “And joining the resistance has been hard, I thought I was going to feel different, find myself, but I just feel like I’m not doing anything, I feel like I’m..” You blink slowly, your eyes flooding with tears, “..not worth anything there, like I’m just in the way; but I have nowhere else to go, the only home I knew before, well, he just isn’t that anymore.” Hot tears finally escape your eyes, unwillingly but they do.

You let out a shaky deep breath and finally drift your eyes to meet his gaze, showing emotions you never thought you’d show him any time soon. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare, I’m sorry.” You turn away again while wiping away the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. Poe takes a deep breath, taking a moment to come up with the right answer. Knowing that if he said the wrong thing it could hurt you more, and well he didn’t want that. He was having a hard time seeing you so upset and vulnerable in front of him, he just didn’t want to ruin the trust you clearly had for him with a terrible answer.

“You are worth something to me...and you know clearly Rey, never let someone make you feel that way because you are worth something. It takes a while to know who you are, you’re young, you’ll know soon.” Carefully he slides his hand to place it on-top of yours, waiting a moment to make sure you were fine with said interaction, and when he saw that you only moved to sit up straight and didn’t pull away, he interlaced his fingers with yours, once again pulling your gaze to meet his; “and as far as being in the way? You’re not. You’re helping the resistance in more ways than you know, you have a home there, you always will.” He says carefully, offering you a sincere and assuring look, leaving the conversation at that and asking no further questions, even if he really wanted too.

He just wanted to know if the mysterious person you talked about before was some boyfriend or even husband he needed to look out for—but again you were too young to have been married, and well you carried no ring so it couldn’t be that. Perhaps a boyfriend? Or preferably ex-boyfriend. Even then all that didn’t matter at the moment, all that mattered was you. None of that was his business and if you wanted to tell him then you would. Hopefully. But as of now all that mattered was comforting you as best as he could.

So, carefully he brought his other hand up, wiping the tears from your cheeks, a small warm assuring smile decorating his features; “you might be a little mean, but it’s cute.” He continued saying, with a hint of cockiness behind his tone, before turning sincere once more; “But worthless? Far from it hon.” He moves his hand so he can completely cup your cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb.

A warm and shy smile finally grows on your lips for a second before if falters and you’re remembered of something, “I-I just...who I was before—you just won’t think of me the same—”

“Y/N, it doesn’t matter. I’ve done things I regret, but the best thing is not to dwell on them.”

He won’t think the same way when he knows who you really are. As much as he says the opposite right now. But you don’t argue against that as of now, all you do now is smile. It doesn’t quite reach your eyes, but it’s sincere especially after what he said.

He smiles in return, his eyes traveling away from your own to travel down at your lips before flickering them up again. You do the same as him, this time he leans in closer, stopping so his nose brushed against your own. You swallow back nervously, your eyes once again flickering down to his lips before blinking to meet his hooded gaze. Seconds later you ease into his touch, shoving your necklace in your coat pocket before bringing your other hand to place it on top of the one he had on your cheek, gently caressing his knuckles with your own thumb.

The only sound you could hear was each other’s slow breathing, a breathing that gradually picked up at the moment you two were sharing, at the feeling of your heart fluttering and a warm feeling down in the pit of your stomach. This same moment caused you to ignore the sudden familiar presence you felt through the force. It was strong but something you ignored because of the moment. You then slightly part your lips as you move closer, shutting your eyes as you do, your lips brushing against his own soft ones...

“The fuels here.” Finn suddenly announces, quickly making Poe and you part away. Your cheeks burning but still remaining calm as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, unlike poor Poe, who struggled for a moment, clearing his throat to try and ease the awkward situation this just turned into. His eyes only expressing fast emotions on the sudden and unwanted interruption. He had been so close and just like that it was ruined. He couldn’t necessarily blame his friend because one he didn’t know and two....well there was no excuse for two. He was upset that Finn had walked in at the wrong time.

Poe tried to play it off cool but he had failed at showing such attempt, moving past Finn with one quick glance, “Yeah, okay. We’re going.”

—

Collecting the fuel was surprisingly easy, something that Poe didn’t let live down. Comparing his friend with yours— at least Zater provided you with a secret exit, as bad as he was.

“Why do we have to walk all the way back? We couldn’t we have gotten a ride or I don’t know some speeder bikes, huh?” You groaned.

Poe sighed in annoyance, “BB8 is bringing your ship closer, we’re not walking all the way. But if you keep complaining then it will seem longer.”

You only let out a small hmph and continue walking.

“Aren’t you supposed be some trained assassin or something like that? Isn’t walking just below you?” Finn questioned from behind you.

You bring your finger up to correct him but before you could, their was that familiar presence again, stronger than before. You shift your head from side to side, trying to locate where the presence felt the strongest. You quicken your pace, shoving past the crowd of people, your eyes frantically searching past bodies, all the while your heart quickened in your chest and beads of sweat formed on your forehead, anxiety growing within you on who it could possibly be.

The presence only felt stronger the closer you got, and yet no one was seen, you keep shoving past people, maneuvering past hagglers and stands, the sounds of Poe calling you seeming to be heard in the back of your head. It’s not until you see a flash of black right ahead that you halt in your steps, your breath catching in your throat and your heart seeming to drop.

The sudden hand on your wrists pulls you out of your stupor. Realizing that it’s only Poe your shoulders drop, but quickly you put your guard up as you see a tall figure in all black stop a few feet away.

“Ky—” your whole face drops as you realize that it’s not the person who you were thinking it was, but yet someone else completely, probably equally as bad or even more. “Trudgen.” You mouth, moving your hand to fully grip onto Poe’s, guiding him to the nearest alleyway to move past the Knights of Ren, taking advantage that they hadn’t seen you yet.

“What’s going on?” Poe asked frantically, confused on your sudden action.

You don’t stop moving and look for the quickest way around to circle back to the ship, “the knights of Ren. They’re here.” You only look over your shoulder to double check that Finn is following.

Both Finn and Poe gasp at the revelation, Poe’s hand never leaving yours.

“Walking's not going to work anymore.” Quickly you remove your hood and your scarf, your eyes quickly searching for any form of transportation, until there. In the next street were a couple of speeder bikes that you were going to...borrow. “Let’s get on the speeder bikes, they won’t take long to find me.” Surprisingly neither man argues against your suggestion and hop onto the speeder bikes just like you. And as soon you do, you see Trudgen, Cardo and Ushar round the corner, their step quickening as they finally spot you.

Without any hesitance you rev up the bike and try and make a hasty escape back to the ship, ignoring the calls from the owners of the bikes, “you two better keep up!” You shout over your shoulder to both Poe and Finn, very carefully swerving past people diving out of your way. Looking over your shoulder you spot the knights already on speeder bikes of their own, so, in a quick solution you make a sharp right turn into underground train tunnel, jumping down into the rails and moving through the tunnel, immediately feeling Finn’s hesitance and Poe’s excitement but also a small amount of fear because of where you were currently riding in.

“Poe, Finn I need you both to speed up, get out of the tunnels and make it to the ship!” You command loudly.

“What about you?! We can’t just leave you!” Poe argues as he rides at your side.

“I’ll catch up, I just need to get them away until you guys find me.” You leave no room for arguments and suddenly slam on the brakes, Poe looks over his shoulder and you immediately see his glare for your actions and decision, not at all agreeing with it but following them nonetheless.

Making sure Finn and Poe were out of the tunnels you continue racing down the tunnel, picking up your speed only for the knights to catch up as well. Even if their face was hidden behind their masks, you knew that they were smug about what was currently going on with them chasing after you.

“Boys!” You salute them as they ride beside you, causing them to all too quickly try to make you lose balance on your bike to capture you. But at sight of them right next you is when you realized that it was just three of them riding beside you and not six. Shit. Kuruk, Ap’Lek and Vicrul were missing. Not good. At all.

In attempts to contact Poe and warn him on the three missing knights, that were most likely out there chasing them, you got out your comlink and try and talk to Poe, but the comlink was suddenly flown out of your hand and left behind in the rails. You shoot Trudgen a cold glare and all he responds with is a tilt of his head and a quick shrug. Cardo suddenly tries to slash your bike, but at the last second you manage to swerve out of the way, and kick Ushar off of his bike to move to the side and out of the tunnels as you see a trains headlights shining ahead.

Once you make out of the tunnels you go back to the busy streets, swerving past people and mentally apologizing to them. A loud groan leaves your lips as you see Ushar and the other two knights pop out of the tunnels, all alive and well...yay. Anyhow you force pull Ushar’s Vibromachete to your hand, and don’t double think to swing at any of them as they ride beside you. As Trudgen ducks your swing he pulls out his Vibrocleaver and swings at your legs, but you manage to swerve, avoiding his swing. You smirk at his failed attempt, but the smirk doesn’t last long as you spot Poe appear from an alleyway.

“What are you doing?! I told you to go—”

He quirked his eyebrow and shot you a cocky half grin, “I wasn’t going to let you have all the fun!”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes, all the while you bit back your smile, a smile that didn’t last as Ushar uses his club to blast your speeder bike, causing you to lose control and fall off your speeder— you groan as you roll on the ground, landing on your back to only groan more

“Ow.” You groan, well that was going to hurt more the next morning—quickly you jump to your feet, ignoring the pain from your scrapes. Poe sees what happened and tries to help you, but you motion him to just continue riding forward, however he doesn’t and neither do the Knights. “Stubborn men. All of them.” You hiss.

All four of them make a sharp U-turn and ride towards you. You only grimace and begin to sprint towards them, a smirk growing on your lips as you see Ushar ride towards you in a faster speed. As he’s just a few inches away you quickly grab his speeder bikes handle whilst you shove him off, flipping the bike over as you swiftly swing your body over and land on the seat and ride towards the ship. Poe sees what you did and only stares wide-eyed and impressed, his mouth agape before he has to turn and chase after you.

Finally the ship comes to view, albeit you didn’t know if it was Finn and BB8 or the other three Knights. Hopefully the two you had came with though—the ramp opens and you wave Poe to speed ahead of you as you manage to slash Cardos bike and make him crash to the wall, only having Trudgen ride at your left side. As you try and cut him off, a blast flies his way, hitting his speeder bike perfectly; you snap your head to see Finn with a blaster in his hand. It takes all your will not to smile at his successful hit. Alas it’s your turn to get on the ship and finally leave this city planet, so as you try and do so, Poe already has his hand outstretched to you, his face contorting into one of worry and anxiety as he sees you jump onto your speeders seat.

You try and keep your breaths slow and steady as you take step forward and onto the handle bars, your hand already outstretched to Poe. He keeps mouthing ‘come on’ to you as he feels his heart race in his chest, in both still very impressed and scared for how this jump could turn out. You lean forward and push down on your feet, before jumping off the bike and towards the ship just a few feet away. You feel your fingers graze Poe’s and as he was about to wrap his hand around yours, you were shot and pulled back harshly. “NO!” Your eyes go wide and in a blink of an eye you crash on the ground, your eyesight fading to black and your head pounding sharply.

The last thing you see is Trudgen pick you up before it all goes to black.

—

“Ughh.” You moan lightly, your eyes fluttering open, “the hell?” You groan as you begin to feel pain at the side of your head, and well your whole body really. With very precise caution you slowly sit up, grabbing the side of your head and wincing all in the same while. Instantly you’re met by Ap’Lek’s skull like helmet in your face. You pull back and your face scrunch’s up; “shit Ap’Lek your face scared the hell out of me.”

“You can’t see my face.” Ap’Lek rebutted in a low grainy voice—no thanks to his helmet.

You simply shrug and shoot him an icy glare, “all the same. It’s still ugly.”

Before he could answer, snickering is heard entering the same space you were in. “Little y/n, I see that the rebels haven’t changed the good part of you. Thank the maker. Am I right boys?” Trudgen comes up beside Ap’Lek. “We’ve missed you, little sister.” You shoot him a deadlier glare, before standing up inches before him, you try and take the blade that hung from his belt, but you soon figure out that you’re chained up. “Sorry, precautions. You understand, right? I’ll let you go when we get to Kylo.”

You sit back down and scan the dark area, finally your mind capturing where you were, the ‘Night Buzzard’ great. Quickly your mind begins to go into panic as you realize you’re alone and that you’re missing two other rebels. Trudgen notices the panic in your eyes and tilts his head slightly to the side, and clasps his hands behind his back. “Don’t worry, the rebels you came with, are here...not for long though.” He snickered making you jump up to attack him, but only to be aggressively pushed back down. With a simple wave, Ushar comes in with Poe and Finn in cuffs, and seeming to be unharmed. Thank the stars.

“Y/N! are you okay?!” Poe begins, but quickly he’s shut up by a harsh pull down. You part your lips to protest but then Trudgen begins to click his tongue, pacing back and forth menacingly, obviously something on his mind.

“Who knew our little y/n could be friends with scum such as you two, hmm?” He crouch’s down in front of Poe and Finn, on obvious smirk hidden behind his helmet; “you know before she used to relish in killing people such as yourselves.” The boys only looked up at him confused on how he knew such information about you. You shuffle in your seat uncomfortably, something Trudgen notices and huffs out in amusement.

“Before. Keyword before. Before I knew what the first order did to me.” You hiss, leaning forward with a narrowed look, “before I found out you killed my mother.” The words slipped out your mouth, part of you forgetting Finn and Poe were here as your anger quickly grew. An anger that you didn’t care if it got out of control, all so The Knights of Ren payed for what they did.

Trudgen pushes himself to his full height and stands in the middle, watching you carefully before speaking, “mother? kid, you don’t have one or don’t you remember she abandoned you.”

You shake your head, “no, that’s all fake, I know now. You’re all liars. You killed my mother.” Poe and Finn just watch the scene playout, neither wanting to get in-between the drama and obvious history with the knights and you.

“Me? No I couldn’t have.” Trudgen shakes his head, placing a hand where his chin would be. “You know what,” he points to you, “actually I do remember something, little y/n and a pretty women...ahh yes now I remember. It was actually Ushar who killed your pretty mother.” Your eyes go wide and you jump to your feet, your head snapping to Ushar just a few feet away. He only shrugs like if it was just something ordinary and common, like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing to you. Quickly with the anger within you and the built up revenge you run towards him, flipping over him and wrapping your chains around his throat, wrapping your legs around his waist to get a better hold, whilst pulling tighter and making him struggle to pull you off of him.

Ap’Lek, Cardo and Vicrul watch in amusement, while Poe and Finn have no choice but watch these events unfold, neither of them knowing how to react. After a couple minutes Trudgen claps his hands and let’s out a feigned laugh. “Okay enough! That’s no way to treat your brothers in front of our guest y/n, you know that. Kylo’s taught you better.” Trudgen says as he breaks the hold you have on Ushar and flings you off to the wall using the force. “Sorry, she takes after her father in her...anger.” As soon as Trudgen notices once again the confused reaction Poe and Finn give him (mostly Poe) at the revelation, Trudgen nods his head and walks to you, grabbing your arm to pull you to your feet. “You haven’t told them?” He asks in too much amusement.

He notices your silence and change in demeanor, the way you kept your eyes down instead of on your friends, finding his answer. You swear you can see his grin shine through his black helmet as he takes too much joy before revealing something you were too scared to. “Listen and rejoice, for you are in the presence of blah blah whatever they say— anyway Your little friend here is none other then Y/N Ren! Daughter to our Master Kylo Ren,” he pauses and wraps his hand around your chin to make sure you were looking at your friends; “or as you may know her, The great Child of Ren!”

You quickly rip away from his grip, not before noticing the way Poe’s reaction was; his mouth agape, his eyes wide in bewilderment, confusion and realization..maybe hints of betrayal? you wouldn’t know though, you didn’t have the will to read more to his reaction as you felt hurt that he had to find out the horrible person you were before. Finn though, his reaction was less surprised like the news weren’t news at all, it was like something he already seemed to know.

Trudgen then turns to Poe and Finn, “don’t blame little y/n for keeping such a secret, after all she takes after her father in that. And well brainwashing has got to do something to your head, doesn’t it y/n?” Trudgen continues with a taunting tone, making sure you were listening.

“He’s not my father! And never will be!” You growl.

Trudgen brings his hands up feigning innocence, “Oh, haha okay sorry, correction stepfather.” he pronounces the last words slowly, knowing that the words were hurting you; “anyway. Are you going to introduces your brothers to your friends? Or should they introduce themselves, one by one, hmm?”

“You’re not my brothers.” You grimace, making Trudgen put a hand on his chest, faking to be hurt by your words. “Ouch, that one hurt. After all we’ve done? You have to know that killing your mother was just us following orders, you understand that right? No hard feelings?” Kylo said the same thing...just following orders. Perhaps you didn’t have the same love for the knights of Ren like you had for Kylo, but that still didn’t mean you didn’t care for them, they were like family to you after all.

Taking your silence as an answer he moved next to Ushar by the doorway; “anyhow, enough chit chat, we have work to do.” Again he turns to you and this time he gets a vibroblade from his belt and throws it to you so you could catch it. “We’re taking the traitor here back to base.” He turns to face Finn, his smirk heard through his voice, “they’ll love having you back home, just like little y/n here.” He then turns back to you, placing his hands on his hips, “now about this rebel and his droid companion,” he points to Poe and a poor deactivated BB8, “do you want to kill him? Or should Ushar here? You know he enjoys that stuff.”

Without a second thought you charge towards both Ushar and Trudgen, swaying the vibroblade close to their throats, “touch them and I’ll kill you both.” You threaten them, a hard glare meant for them both. “Just let them leave” You glance back to Poe, before focusing on the two men in front of you; feeling your heart shatter in your chest for what you were going to propose, “let both of them leave, the droid too. Let them leave and...I’ll go back home without a fight.” You swallow thickly, trying hard not to let your demeanor drop and show how upset you really were at the thought of returning, but if it meant that Poe, BB8 and Finn were going to be fine then it wouldn’t matter, you would do it again in a heart beat; “please.”

Trudgen turns to Ushar and then to the other three, silently agreeing to an answer amongst themselves. Ushar simply shrugs his shoulders and that’s all Trudgen needed to pull the vibroblade from your hand and turn you to face Poe and Finn...one last time. “Only because you asked nicely.” He whispered to you, “we’re only letting all of you leave, because it was by the mercy of the ever so great Child of Ren.”

Poe opens his mouth to say something against your decision, the confliction he felt seeping through his facial expression, and as he was going to speak you interrupted him; “don’t come back for me Poe. Don’t. Please don’t.” You beg, your voice cracking as you struggled not to cry. Poe doesn’t say anything and stays quiet, keeping his eyes locked on yours before you turned away.

“Might want to kiss her goodbye, chance is she isn’t going to remember any of you when you run into each other again.” Trudgen tugs you towards Poe and Finn, raising your face to them, “no? No goodbye kiss?” He grips onto your cheeks tighter and turns you directly to Poe, “you? I know you want too.” He waits for a moment and forces you closer. Poe looks down at you, but you can’t find the nerve to meet his eyes, too afraid of reading hate in him after finding out who you were, you only mouth ‘I’m sorry”, before you were pulled back. “No? Good lad. Who knows what might’ve happened, you know, we’re just protective over little y/n.” He pushes you back so Ap’Lek could catch you in his arms.

Trudgen then instructs Kuruk to open the ramp, following by uncuffing Finn and Poe and pushing a deactivated BB8 off the ramp and to the open ramp of the ship you came on. “Bye boys, thanks for taking care of y/n. Hope she at least remembers one of you after her head gets put back in the blender.”

Poe glances at you one last time and this time you meet his gaze. His eyes frantically search your own for a sign of this being a distraction so you could escape, but as soon as he noticed you stay still and shake your head, he knew it wasn’t. He hesitated but he continued walking until he got on his ship, he stares at you longingly before closing the ramp, his figure slowly disappearing until the ramp door covered him completely.

A shaky sigh escaped your lips as you saw the ship fly away. Their was no doubt in your mind that the choice was the right one, making them leave was the right choice, you couldn’t bear with yourself if they died because of you. Telling them to not come back for your was...the right choice—why would either of them want too anyway, after they found out the truth. You were a horrible person and you knew they thought that, your mind had to keep thinking that, keep thinking that they hated you...that Poe hated you for what you hid. Thinking that helped with your hope of him coming to take you back, him coming to stop you from returning back to the first order. You didn’t want them—didn’t want him too, and yet you hoped he would.

But he wasn’t going to rescue you. He wasn’t going to stop you from going back...

A/N- so tell me do you guys want Poe to be mad at reader for hiding who she really was?? or do you guys want him to be understanding??

Tagged- @jennibradley , @xxrouge-lexxx , @daniellajocelyn , @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo , @star-marvel-fangirl , @leilei-draws , @briesangel @lanatheawesome , @madamepsicose, @constantdisgrace , @1-800-depressedlesbian, @commondazy , @logiclies , @robindoesntloveme , @we-all-are-strange , @fandom-addict-aesthetics

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sanderssquip-au · 4 years

Text

Broadway - Part 1

"Did you get it!?" Roman burst excitedly in on a very distracted Thomas. He held up a small, grey pill and a bottle of mountain dew, nodding. "Perfect! This will be brilliant!"

"I dunno, Roman, it seems kinda... sketchy. What if it doesn't work? What if-"

"Oh, hush, worrywart, that's just Virgil talking." He waved dismissively. "You won't get anywhere in life without taking chances! Just take it so we can see how it works!"

"What's just who talking?" The anxious side appeared on the stairs, nodding to Roman and then doing a doubletake as he noticed Thomas. "Woah woah woah. I thought we agreed that you weren't going anywhere near that and that Roman was a stupid idiot who didn't know any better."

"Virgil, we only agreed on one of those things, but... I dunno, he can be kind of... persuasive. You have to admit it sounds kind of cool."

"It's sketchy, untested, undocumented technology in a pill that you got for four hundred bucks in the back of a shoe store. Yeah, what could go wrong? Rhetorical question, I know what could go wrong, so let's review: number one-"

Virgil was very rudely interrupted by Logan rising up. "I agree with Virgil. Although it would be... fascinating, to see how this complex technology works, the risk of harm to Thomas is too great to ignore."

Roman groaned. "I thought you, for one, would love the idea of a computer helping you with managing Thomas's health! I mean, you're basically a robot yourself, I'm sure you'd get along!"

"The brakes, Princey." Thomas warned, prompting Roman to step back sheepishly.

"I'm sorry! It's just- I don't see why you're all so against the idea of getting help! The way it was advertised, this could get us to broadway! It could make us famous - and- and healthy, to boot, aren't you supposed to like that?"

"Thomas's mental health should not be dependent on a piece of technology." Janus added, Roman groaning loudly upon his entrance. "We're doing just fine without it."

"Ha!" Roman scoffed. "You're only saying that because you're scared you'll be replaced because it'll be better than you!"

"Projection, Roman." Janus smirked. Roman had nothing more to say after that.

"I- I think-" Patton looked to Janus worriedly. He nodded. "I think Thomas should try to be, ah, genuine! And shouldn't- um- have to use it! At all!" He hesitated, before quickly adding. "But if he wants to then I'm not going to stop him."

With that, each of the present sides broke off on their own, mostly very heated tangents and rants, before the mass of voices was broken by Thomas himself.

"GUYS! I think..." He paused, holding the pill in his hand. "I think Roman's right. There isn't any harm in trying, right?"

"Actually-" Both Virgil and Logan cut in, but were quickly shushed by Roman.

"Go on, Thomas."

"Right. Well, uh, I think... it could be just what I need, right? I mean, I haven't been doing too great lately, and I know you all haven't been either, so maybe... maybe it can help?"

He looked to each of the sides in turn.

"Patton?"

"Well, if you think it can help, I'll support you as much as I can." He gasped. "Maybe it'll just be like a new friend!"

"Virgil?"

"I still think it's a stupid idea, but whatever."

"Right. Logan?"

"I suppose it could be... useful, if it works as advertised."

"Janus?"

"I think..." He hesitated, not used to being asked his opinion. "I think that if you really believe it can help, then go for it. But... do be cautious. You don't know how it works, and I don't want you getting hurt."

Thomas smiled encouragingly. "Of course. And, Roman, I think we know what-"

"I know it's a lot to ask. But I'm glad you trust me. I promise it won't be as bad as some of you are making it out to be."

And with that, Thomas swallowed the pill and took a swig of mountain dew before anyone could change his mind.

There was a moment of silence. Anticipation, as Thomas braced himself for anything that could happen. And then, rushing through his body like a tidal wave, searing pain that knocked him to the floor of his living room screaming. Virgil ran to his side and cast a deathly glare at Roman, who was standing paralysed in his spot, unable to come up with anything that might help. Patton and Janus both rushed to comfort Thomas, urging Logan to figure out what was going on, to no avail.

Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.

"What the fuck!?" Virgil screeched, no longer even trying to keep Thomas calm. "What does that mean!? What the-"

"Language!" Patton shouted over the top of Thomas's screaming. "Just- I'm sure everything's alright, just stay calm. It'll be fine. It's fine."

The pain halted for a moment. Patton sighed in relief, putting an arm around Virgil's trembling shoulders.

"See. I told you. It'll be-"

Access procedure complete.

Virgil practically sunk into the father figure's arms, shaking and hyperventilating as Patton tried to calm the poor side down.

Discomfort level may increase.

This time, the shocks manifested in every one of the sides. Virgil bit his bottom lip and clung to Patton's side, trying his hardest not to scream as Patton hugged him just a little too tight. Logan managed to remain fairly calm, but Janus - knocked to his knees by the sheer shock and now whimpering quietly and praying that the other sides were too distracted to hear - noticed him shaking as he comforted a screaming Thomas. Roman was on the floor and shrieking possibly louder than Thomas. But it passed.

Accessing neural memory.

Accessing muscle memory.

Thomas Sanders. Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.

Thomas blinked. A cloud of static seemed to clear in his head, and he lifted his head up from the carpeted floor, groaning. A suited figure stood above him, hands behind its back and wearing a bemused expression. Its eyes were a piercing electric blue, causing Thomas to have to squint to see it properly after having his eyes squeezed shut for so long. Its hair was fairly short, almost like his own, except... maybe a little fluffier? And it wore a suit and tie, which he couldn't help but feel fairly intimidated by.

"Woah... You, uh, you actually... work?" Thomas managed to get out, still staring, dumbfounded, at the hologram in front of him. It smirked.

Correct. I am a SQUIP model 3.0, slightly outdated but I can assure you that I am in perfect working order.

The figure looked around curiously at each of the sides in turn.

But, for the record, your - ah - 'situation' is rather unusual, so please bear with me in the case of anything unexpected.

"Unexpected?" Virgil butted in, pushing forward and looking the squip dead in the virtual eyes. "How unexpected? You aren't gonna - you know - self-destruct in Thomas's head or anything? Possess his body and kill someone? Take over the world? What if-"

The hologram held up a finger to quiet him, looking relatively amused. Anxiety, correct?

"Virgil.." He muttered under his breath.

Right. I can assure you that it is not within my programming to do any of those things. My prime directive is to assist Thomas in improving his life.

"See!" Roman exclaimed triumphantly. "That's what I said. He- they-"

He paused and turned to the squip. "Pronouns?"

It/its.

"Right! It's going to help us. I told you it wouldn't be harmful. Didn't I tell you?"

"We still don't know that..." Virgil muttered, still sore from the electric shocks. Patton immediately interrupted, jumping forward and waving excitedly, his eyes lighting up like fairy lights.

"I think it's great!" He squealed. "You're like another side! We haven't had a new addition in so long!"

Janus loudly cleared his throat.

"Okay well maybe that isn't true but still! I'm Patton by the way. This is so exciting! And your eyes are so cool! And-" he gasped excitedly, dropping his voice to a dramatic whisper. "I have a robot son."

The squip blinked confusedly. Thomas shrugged. "Just... let him adopt you. It's easier for everyone involved."

It nodded, still very clearly confused, which Virgil laughed at - before immediately cursing himself for getting too comfortable. Janus smirked from the corner.

"Glad to know it wasn't just me." He rolled his eyes playfully before stepping up to shake the squip's hand. It took it. "Janus. It's a pleasure."

The sentiment is returned. It smiled, either unaware of the fact that the snake was looking it up and down like it was a murder suspect or just not caring. It did, however, give him one glance and nod approvingly. He raised an eyebrow. Oh, don't think much of it, I'm just quite impressed by your taste in outfits. That's all.

"Is that-"

Not sarcasm, no. I genuinely think you have good taste.

Janus hesitated. "Thank you..?"

It smiled at him, opening its mouth to speak but being interrupted abruptly by a very confused Logan.

"You're an AI, right?"

Correct.

"You're... incredibly complex for modern technology."

The hologram put a hand to its chest in flattery. Thank you.

"It's difficult to imagine that you don't have some ulterior motive," he muttered, speaking at an unusually quick pace that the others recognised as meaning he was confused. "I mean, of all the possible applications for such mindblowingly advanced technology-"

I'm flattered, Logic.

"Logan. Surely you can't just be to... assist Thomas. There has to be something you're hiding."

On the contrary, my objective is rather transparent. It's just whatever Thomas wants it to be. After all, isn't the overall purpose of AI to improve the life of humans?

Logan nodded, still muttering under his breath but too low for anybody to hear. This time, it was Roman's turn to speak.

"So... you're essentially one of us, right?"

The squip processed that for a moment. I don't believe so. Although our purposes are extremely similar.

"Good enough for me!" He proclaimed, over the sound of Janus scoffing. "As long as you're here for the good of Thomas - and so long as you can do what your advertisers promised - you're alright in my books."

I assure you that you won't be disappointed, ah-

It raised an eyebrow.

"Prince Roman." He grinned, taking a small bow. His face lit up when it returned the gesture. "I look forward to working with you. Let's get him to broadway."

#sanderssquipau #part1 #virgil sanders #roman sanders #be more chill squip #logan sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides #be more chill #crossover #janus sanders #deceit

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some-jw-things · 5 years

Note

-CW mention of suicidal tendencies- So also I’m fresh out of a church that bordered on cultish and only recently realized that I had passive suicidal ideation my entire childhood. And I keep seeing you mention you had the same thing when you were a kid and I’m wondering: if you ever have the emotional energy could you make a more in-depth post about it?? I’m still tryna figure out the whole mess of church teachings and internalized ableism that was my whole life and I’m glad I’m not the only one

Okay so my memory is SUPER sketchy (I straight up do not remember the entire year I was 14) but I’ll try my best

Anyway I was always a sad and quiet and withdrawn kid. I’m not sure if that was natural or a result of the cult, I don’t seem to actually have any social reluctance like that and I’m confident around people I’m at all comfortable with. Anyway I was extremely isolated (my parents didn’t want to let me see my friends more than once a month outside of meetings, and no worldly friends allowed really) and depression set in hard and early

Again my memory’s shady, enough so that I can’t say specifically which year I first became suicidal. It was mostly related to JW stuff and not thinking I could maintain the lifestyle, so I didn’t talk to anyone about it. Plus JWs are wary of mental treatment and my dad back then always said mental illnesses were caused by demons

So like by the time I was thirteen for sure I was suicidal enough that I figured I would never be able to hold off killing myself for long enough to reach my eighteenth birthday. I still did not say anything to anyone, because I had internalized issues with the stigma and I was afraid of the consequences

I really wanted to believe then and considered baptism for real around this time. I think I did believe and just didn’t think I could sustain living like that. Chickened out on baptism for unrelated reasons

Timeskip to me being fifteen and I start actually questioning whether Witness doctrine is moral. I immediately start self-harming. I said something to my parents then about being sad and needing to go to a doctor, but once I got to the appointment I just asked for allergy meds. I had issues with the idea of mental illness. I think at one point I would have rather died than ask for help

Anyway more months pass, my family finds out I was self-harming because my sister read my diary and then showed it to my parents. I was in therapy for three sessions then, and got out by having my therapist like... lie to my parents? She knew I was still self-harming with no intention to stop and signed a paper saying the opposite. I was a nightmare though and made it clear I didn’t wanna be there or think about difficult things.

I was like just low-level suicidal around then. Like I wanted to die, I thought of a bunch of plans and stuff, and I regularly self-harmed in a pretty intense way. But it got so much worse later on that I know consider back then to be my standard manageable level of suicidal

At seventeen I had one emergency session with the college psychologist. They couldn’t do anymore without parental permission, I couldn’t talk to my parents without a lot of dangerous questions being asked, and later on once I turned eighteen they said I’d have to pay for sessions and obviously I couldn’t do that. But within a year I was so bad off that my sister sat down and forced my parents to put me in therapy

I had a breakdown senior year. The high school noticed and talked to me— things I had thought were normal and that nobody could do anything about were apparently very concerning and a bunch of people ended up trying to help— and tried to get me put in foster care, but I was over 18 and they couldn’t get an exception made. I then decided to come out and announce I was an apostate, because I’m a moron. I was in and out of psych wards for acute suicide ideation four times that year, and once the year after. I technically have a suicide attempt recorded in my medical history, but I disagree with that

Anyway I got diagnosed with autism, lost my health insurance, went off all my meds and stopped going to therapy after that last hospital stay, which really fucked me up. I came out of the hospital a lot worse than I went in

But now I’m better! In October I decided I’m going to live and even more, I’m going to live as if I have a future. I do not intentionally skip meals anymore, and I make sure I eat at least two every day. I’m on Medicaid now, I’ve gotten a bunch of my debts from the hospitalizations paid off, I’ve figured out my gender (loosely) and started taking better care of myself. I’ve been getting my shit together, basically, I’ve got plans, I am making an active effort not to self-harm and I have not suicidal, which is a genuinely new experience for me. I like it

#ask #tw #suicide ideation #self harm mention #ex jw #ex cult #apostate #religion #christianity #ex jehovah's witness #exjw #jworg

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what-even-is-thiss · 6 years

Text

I wrote a creative essay about my least favorite aunt. Yeet.

Read it if you’d like. I’m just happy to finally get the damage she caused me mostly dealt with to the point where I feel comfortable writing about it.

Language Barrier

Whenever I speak in German my expressions and hand gestures suddenly become ridiculously animated, like I’m trying to make up for my lack of vocabulary with a sign language that hasn’t been invented yet. One that only I know the meaning of. I flap my hands around like a maniac and point to things I don’t know the words for and make broken sentences that sound like a caveman made them as I misgender inanimate objects left and right.

Das. Das. That. That. This. This.

I can physically feel my brain rewiring itself. I speak like fool. Wrong order spoken are words. Sometimes anxiety make cry me. Social kind.

However, I speak much more German than my uncle’s mother and stepfather speak of English so I’m forced to use what I can and hope they can understand my thick American accent as we stay with them in Southern Germany. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me that my German is very good, but I can’t stop out of order speaking.

Kann ich habe Brot mehr bitte? Can I having bread more please?

I want to crawl into a hole and die.

My grandmother warned me that a person can grow tired of the amount of bread that Germans eat and according to that Bible thing that we both read man cannot live by bread alone. I’m starting to understand both of those things, eating bread and jam for breakfast yet again because I don’t like butter with marmalade and there’s no cheese left.

The weather, unlike my breakfast or Deutsche Grammatik, is perfect. Slightly cold, sunny and overcast at the same time. The neighborhood that my uncle’s parents live in is beautiful, suburban, on the edge of Schwartzwald, known in English as the Black Forest. I can’t remember the name of the town but I do know that we tried to get a brewery tour and my aunt, her twins, and I waited in the van as my uncle talked loudly at somebody in a local dialect until he got out of them that they don’t do tours anymore.

We went to a rope climbing course instead. My uncle, tall and skinny, balding, fit, took the twins, boy and girl, skinny like their dad, not taking after their mother, my mother’s sister, and went rope climbing in Schwartzwald.

I’m stuck talking with my aunt as we stand below the ropes course and I’m tired of speaking in German so we both take time to find comfort in each other’s distinctly Californian manner of speaking.

My aunt is a character. That’s a polite way to describe her if you don’t want to speak ill of someone that’s not in the room. She wears no makeup except for when she’s getting her picture taken or going somewhere important and she always looks stressed and tired with her eyes just a little too wide open. She’s maybe four inches shorter than me but she has the ability to make me feel like I only come up to her waist. In my mind she’s always wearing a knee length beige skirt and a green t-shirt even though she owns other articles of clothing than that, including more than 20 pairs of shoes. Her eyes are wide and her hands move in an animated fashion even when she speaks English. When she speaks German she becomes an exaggerated version of herself, perhaps to make up for her thick American accent and occasionally sketchy grammar. She has lived in Switzerland since the 90s and spoken German since the 80s. I once asked her how to tell what a noun’s grammatical gender is. She told me that she had no idea.

I didn’t know my mother for very long before she died but my grandmother tells me that when my mom was young, to describe her sister, she quoted a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. The one about the little girl with the little curl who when she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid.

My aunt’s hair is straight, but other than that the poem describes her very well. Today would be a day she was horrid.

I don’t claim to be a perfect human being. I can be a bitch sometimes just like anybody else. The thing is though, my aunt never let me know when I was doing something bitchy like a normal person would. Instead she let me keep on doing it until she was ready to explode. And then she exploded.

Or, no. Not exactly being bitchy. Just doing something that she didn’t understand or like. She’s a very animated person and her voice goes like

And

Up.

Down.

All the time.

She’s very expressive. I, on the other hand, am not that excitable. I smile, yes, I cry, yes, but I try to be stoic. I like being stoic. It feels natural. I don’t want to express to everyone around me every time I am excited or upset. In my opinion it’s none of their business. I also tend to express gratitude through actions and gift giving rather than hurting my face and voice smiling and screaming all of the time.

I had thought bringing gifts from America, delivering onto my aunt’s family the ever elusive box of grits and Bakersfield candy and trinkets from Disneyland Anaheim would show gratitude. I was under the impression that helping to cook dinner, pack the van, refill the ice trays, take care of the twins, carry the groceries, clean the house, would show how much I loved her. I learned though, in a firestorm under the canopy of dark trees and children riding on zip lines that our love languages didn’t translate properly and she thought that my lack of expressiveness meant that I hated her. She was hysterical about it. I then expressed myself by changing into a lovely shade of red and producing saltwater from my eyes.

Climbing hills is a thing you get used to when you spend time in Central Europe. Walking for three or four kilometers isn’t such a feat in a valley, where the ground is flat and rarely changes, but in hilly terrain you quickly learn just how long that distance is and how much walking can hurt. Locals take no pity on you because they expect that everyone has those muscles built up in their legs when you’ve never had to use your legs like that for long stretches of time before.

Navigating emotion and expectations at home is easy. There is one language being spoken and everyone uses it to tell each other what’s wrong. When staying with my aunt for long periods of time, however, you start to understand emotional exhaustion. Something that would take half a minute to communicate takes up ten minutes of screaming because she expected you to know everything. A flat crowded city turns into a hilly countryside with no help for miles. You quickly learn how to swear in German because she pushes her husband to screaming as well.

Scheiße.

Eventually my uncle finished with the ropes course and pulled me away from her. He gently explained to me in English what we were going to be doing for the next few days. I stopped leaking water from my eyes and tried to remember what had prompted her to start yelling at me but I couldn’t figure it out. Another talent she has. Distracting you from linear events.

While I was in Germany there was a terrorist attack in Münich. Brexit was fresh in everyone’s minds. My first presidential election would be happening in November. I only understood about half of what was said on the news. My little cousins and their dad took turns translating for me. I had the feeling that I still wasn’t getting the whole story.

My aunt and uncle have twins. Test Tube Babies. The girl is the older twin but strangely enough doesn’t hold it over her brother’s head, which would fit perfectly with her personality. The boy takes after his mother in some respects, namely her loud voice.

When we went to Prague we stayed in a campground because that’s a lot cheaper than a hotel and that family affords a second house because they’re stingy. Almost every morning it was a struggle to get the boy out of bed. He and his sister were almost ten and he screamed and refused to move. He cried. He was loud. No amount of discipline worked. His sister stood around quietly going about her business, as did I. We did the same thing when her parents got into screaming matches.

Prague is an old city. A busy city. I loved it, even with all of the pay toilets and Czech bluntness. Even when an angry Czech lady smoking a cigarette yelled at me in broken English for not knowing that I had to pay for the restroom. The old castles and cathedrals and statues and just the right amount of dirtiness in the subway more than made up for it.

My aunt payed for me to go look at a museum that she didn’t want to look at. She told me to take all the time I wanted as the rest of the family waited outside. I didn’t sense any passive aggressiveness that time, so I did. It was a complex that was part of the Prague art museum, a system spread out around the city. The section I walked through by myself was a collection of medieval Roman Catholic art. Stained glass windows, paintings, tapestries. I’m a Lutheran that lives with atheists, so my experience with Catholic art is mostly non existent. Atheists don’t have religious figures to draw and Lutherans are extremely stingy with their images, worried about crossing into the realm of idolatry.

One thing I noticed was that Mary appeared everywhere, even in stories I thought she didn’t belong. In some images she stood equal with Jesus, reminding me of a female God. She seemed mature, different from the outcasted teenage mother I had told children about in Sunday School classes. Different from the refugee that had been painted for me in sermons. I wondered what kind of mother this Mary was. I wondered what her Hebrew sounded like. Or, maybe this Mary spoke Czech and the Mary in Germany spoke German and the Mary in the Vatican spoke Latin and the Mary my Catholic friends at home looked to spoke Spanish. Maybe if I prayed to Mary she would speak English. Maybe she would turn out to speak German and would look down at the frantic dancing of my hands, trying to find meaning in it.

But I don’t pray to Mary, and neither do my aunt or uncle. I report to them what I saw and my observations about Mary. Namely that she seems to be everywhere. My aunt doesn’t quite pick up on the fact that I simply find it interesting and takes it as an invitation to rant about Catholics. I squint at her as we walk back to the subway. I’m trying to figure out if I’d somehow been speaking another language. She certainly seems to be. Maybe it’s a generational gap. Maybe it’s just her, but I try to turn the conversation back to a tone of tolerance rather than complaint. A battle I quickly lose.

Later, in a public park in that busy city, my aunt yelled at me and cried because I had been calling her by her first name rather than Aunt. I nearly start leaking again. I shake. I think she’s speaking English but I don’t understand it. I physically step away from her as she accuses me of not seeing her as family. At the bottom of the hill we’re standing on a dog plays fetch with his owner. Neither of them take notice of the screaming middle aged American woman throwing accusations her deceased sister’s child as her own children zone out and wait for it to be over. No help comes. Nobody translates for me and Google Translate doesn’t have a setting for this.

Twenty minutes later she jokes with me as we find a rare but welcome burrito shop. I buy a mango soda imported from Mexico and it softens my homesickness. We eat on the steps of a light rail station. I laugh. The twins laugh and bounce around, talking to each other in a mixture of English, Swiss-German, and high German. The boy takes a bite out of my burrito and thinks the fact I can eat something that spicy makes me the coolest person in the world. My aunt laughs with me. We make plans for when we go to Southern Germany and visit her husband's parents. That’s where his dentist is. He needs a bit of work done. We’ll have fun, she promises. We had a good time in Prague. I put the bad times in a shoebox for later and then agree with her.

After she yells at me in Schwartzwald for not showing emotion I go quiet. I put more things in the shoebox I’ve made in my mind to deal with later. I learn that all of them have been eavesdropping on the phone calls I’ve been making to my dad and friends back home. My aunt approaches me about how I complained about the yelling. I’m suddenly paranoid and wonder if she read some of the postcards I sent out. I watch my words now and put the ones that might set off her fuse in the box. The little house outside of Zurich has started to feel like home when I return to it and I’m slightly disgusted at that realization. The flowers all make my eyes water and I’m not given nearly enough allergy pills. I still don’t understand what language she’s speaking. Her words are in English or German, as are mine, but we still don’t understand each other.

Currants, especially the red ones, are beautiful fruit. Not easy to find in stores, even in Europe, so you’ve gotta pick them yourself. My aunt and uncle have a small city of currant bushes living in their backyard that hugs the bank of the stream that runs through the neighborhood. They’re beautiful and inviting, asking you to eat them please, but when you do your face scrunches up at the tartness. I never did care for sour tastes, so I found my own way to make the currants sweet by baking them into scones. At first my aunt was sceptical of my scones but after some reassurance from her kids that they didn’t taste like cinnamon she tried them and agreed that I did a good job. They were sweet and went really well with milk or tea. We all enjoyed them very much. Nobody had to translate anything.

Every member of that family gives excellent hugs when you can get them. They share drinks and food with each other, a concept that shocked me at first, but I quickly fell into the rhythm of it with them. They bought me my first beer and took me to Worms, Germany. I loved that place. I got to see one of the first print versions of Luther’s German translation of the bible. I ate pastries and tea with them at an outdoor cafe. It was cold and wet in the middle of the summer and the cobblestones made it even gloomier. The moving feet on the sidewalk seemed to have a language of its own and the new architecture standing by the old had no words to be translated but told a story nonetheless.

My experience in Europe was like Europe itself. Americans expect it to be shiny and beautiful, and it is, but you also have to pay to use the restroom which leads people to piss in the street. You will also find cigarette machines on almost every corner. There is one right outside my aunt and uncle’s second house. The packages of cigarettes have pictures of black lungs and diseased gums on them. The people smoke anyways. Europeans are people. They have drama, they worry about money, they cry, they abuse, they kick, they scream, they love. All the problems you had in America won’t disappear over there, and in fact you might find some new problems you didn’t expect. Like not finding salsa or not knowing how to deal with carnival rides that have no line and are boarded like a much more violent version of musical chairs. And don’t expect to practice your target language there either. The people will hear your accent and excitedly try and use you to practice English. And even if you do speak the language, don’t expect to understand with everyone. Hand gestures can only go so far.

When I got home I left the German language behind me for the most part. I also slowly cut off most contact with my aunt’s family. Six weeks spent putting things in a shoebox and not speaking whatever language my aunt was speaking with English and German words was enough for me. By the time I opened my shoebox a few months later it was rotten, smelly, and leaking. It took over a year to clean it out and it’s still warped and stained, containing whispers of my own desperate language that would never penetrate my aunt’s skull or jump over the barrier we had built together.

My rotten shoebox is revolting to look at, and while I was cleaning it parts of the mess got onto the happy memories but thankfully they’re still there. The cathedrals, the warm hugs, the new foods, and comforting rain are all there. Late nights and early mornings, potato pancakes and beer, museums and trees and the times I could honestly say; Ja, ich bin glücklich. Yes, I am happy. And thankfully that sentence is easy to translate.

#roman wrote a thing #religion mention #roman said a thing

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thedarksideofriverdale · 5 years

Text

In Unity, There is Strength Part 11

kuMasterlist // Playlist // Guide for Creatures // OC Moodboard

The train ride to Greendale was pleasantly quiet, a needed break from the mayhem in Riverdale. Zara leaned her head back and shut her eyes lightly. Why am I here? Jughead and Kurtz could’ve handled this themselves. No, Zara didn’t trust Kurtz around Jughead. Sure, Zara and Kurtz had an agreement between themselves, but she didn’t want to risk something going wrong between two temperamental werewolves.

She cracked her eyes open a fraction and saw the omega glaring at her. “Kurtz, I’m not gonna apologize for coming here,” Zara said, facing towards him. “You and Jughead negotiating together is a recipe for disaster.” She looked down the walkway to see that Jughead still hadn’t exited the bathroom.

“I’m not gonna start something. If anything, it’ll be Jones,” Kurtz grumbled.

“I don’t care. We don’t need a werewolf fight in the midst of witches,” she whispered angrily. A few minutes later, Jughead exited the bathroom and came back to sit down in front of them. They had gotten one of the four seater sections, Zara sitting on the aisle next to Kurtz and Jughead across from her with an empty window seat to his right.

“Plan of attack anyone?” Jughead asked, leaning back. “We have to be careful around witches. From what I’ve read online, witches have a tendency to hate all other supernatural creatures.”

Zara turned to face Kurtz. “So maybe this is why the families hate you. You turned their kids into werewolves.”

“They wanted the bite,” Kurtz sneered.

Zara squinted her eyes and went back to face Jughead. “If they hate all other supernatural creatures, then we can’t have you two talk to them straight out of the gate.” She sighed. “You two should be lucky I came. I’ll get the conversation rolling and then we can hit them with the ‘who done it.’”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jughead said, but his eyes lingered on the two. He cocked an eyebrow at Zara and added, “You know... you two don’t really act like a couple...”

Zara had the overwhelming urge to look at Kurtz, but that would set Jughead even more off. School your emotions, Zara. “Sorry if we liking keeping ourselves low-key,” she replied, chuckling softly. Jughead furrowed his brows, so she added, “You and Betty have a little too much PDA for my tastes.” She laughed while Jughead glared at her. Once Jughead shut his eyes, she looked over at Kurtz who nodded, signifying that whatever she did was good enough for now.

“Next stop Greendale. Carefully exit the train when it has stopped. Thank you.”

Zara shifted in her seat, waking up from her nap. Both Jughead and Kurtz were already awake, looking out the window at the forest surrounding the tracks. “Where are we going first?” she asked softly.

Jughead turned his head away from the window to look at her. “We should probably put our bags down somewhere. There are some cheap motels, none as sketchy as Riverdale’s of course,” Jughead said with a chuckle. Zara cracked a smile. Kurtz looked at the two with a blank stare, but something about how he was feeling causes Jughead to stop laughing.

Kurtz then cleared his throat and added, “We can’t linger too long there. We need to go talk to the families.” Pulling out his phone, he looked over the home addresses.

“Which house should we go to then?” Zara asked, not even remembering to ask who Kurtz knew in the town.

“I should probably go and pay my respects to Riddle’s family,” he mumbled.

“Who’s Riddle?” Jughead asked, leaning forward in his seat.

“The beta who got sacrificed.”

Zara stood outside a wrought iron gate, eyes fixated on the statues of headless men placed across the front lawn. She turned back to see Kurtz and Jughead a few feet away from her. “Are we talking to a sane person, Kurtz?” she gritted out. Kurtz smirked and crossed his arms across his chest.

Rolling her eyes, she pushed open the gate, a few vines snapping in the process, The actual house was far down the driveway and not facing the gate. It became clear that the mansion was placed in a way to fool people into believing that the gate surrounded nothing. As the path began twisting to the left, Zara got increasingly nervous about how to begin an interrogation with a witch. They have magic, she doesn’t. They hate werewolves, she’s part of a pack. “This should go well,” she muttered to herself.

As she approached the house, she began to take in the odd details. The manor’s exterior was of deep gray stone with marble molding around the balconies and windows, of which no light shone through. On the corners of the house were giant statues of... bats? For a rather odd ancient looking house, the front door was more modern, window panes in the middle of both doors making the entrance. Zara rang the doorbell on the left side of the double doors and waited.

And waited.

She pressed the bell once more and checked her phone to see that ten minutes had already passed since she first pressed the bell. Before she could send a text to Jughead about the situation, the door swung open to reveal a small child with a mop of black hair. He looked at her, stone-faced, then he yelled, “Ma, some stranger’s here!”

He didn’t usher her into the house, but he left the door open so Zara followed the boy into the foyer. A large iron chandelier hung low from the ceiling, cobwebs lining the bulbs. The wallpaper was peeling in this room, which made Zara feel weird. Why is this so stereotypical?

She started looking into golden framed mirror on the side of the door and got startled by a woman directly behind her. Turning quickly, she apologized. “I did not hear you coming, ma’am.” She extended her hand out. “My name is Zara Fatehi. I’m from Riverdale.”

“I know,” the woman sneered. “I am a... seer of sorts. Fortune tellers as you mortals would call it. What is your business here?”

“Why? Can’t predict that?” Zara replied, looking at the witch with a bored expression.

The woman raised a brow and chuckled softly. “I apologize for the harsh greeting. My name is Greer Peterson.” She then looked around the room. “I think I should lift up the glamor, don’t you?”

Zara furrowed her brows in response, but then her eyes widened when Greer waved her hands and the room transformed around them. The peeling wallpaper was replaced with black marble, there were no cobwebs on the chandelier, and the foyer had rich artwork on every alternate wall.

Greer looked over at the young girl and roared in laughter. “Oh this is nothing, darling. Magic is quite wonderful, don’t you think?” Zara nodded slowly. Greer’s smile faded after a moment as she asked, “What is your business here, really?”

Zara cleared her throat. “I am here to ask for some assistance,” she said softly.

Greer ushered her into the living room on the right, a room filled with red couches and a large fireplace. “I am aware of the sacrifices occurring in your town,” she said, sitting down on the couch gracefully. In contrast, Zara plopped onto the couch and was embarrassed afterwards.

“I knew that you would be aware considering...” Zara trailed off, unable to form the words.

“Considering my son was sacrificed, you mean.”

Zara gulped. “Right. My mother’s a deputy, and I’d like to make her job easier by finding more evidence.”

“And because your pack is in danger.”

Zara was shocked, but considering Greer could see into the future, it would be a logical conclusion as to how she knew. “Yes, Ma’am. I know the magical community does not look fondly upon werewolves.”

“You would be correct in that assumption.”

Zara crossed her legs. “I know your son’s... death has hit you hard. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel, but if there’s any way you can prevent more deaths.”

“My son’s death means absolutely nothing to me. I sent him to the sisters for a reason.”

Zara squinted her eyes at Greer, disgusted by this woman. “You know the alpha who made your son into a werewolf is standing right outside your gate? He cared for your son,” she gritted out. “Clearly more than you.” With that, the front door slammed open. Kurtz and Jughead both came into the house, walking into the living room. Greer glared at the two, scrunching her nose as if she smelled something bad. “If you don’t talk, we will make you,” Zara threatened.

Greer smirked and stood up from the couch, looking straight into Kurtz’s eyes. “Two werewolves, especially non-alphas, are no match for a witch.”

Kurtz and Jughead looked at each other, expressionless. Zara was still glaring at the witch. “If you don’t help us, more people will start pointing fingers at the witches. One of the followers of this murderer believes he’s sacrificing for the dark lord. I am sure you know who the dark lord is.”

Greer gaped and looked away from the trio. “That isn’t right... we do not participate in sacrifice of mortals or other creatures. We haven’t done so in centuries.” She paused and turned to face them again. “Whoever this person, is no friend of Greendale witches. They must be a Riverdale resident, there’s no doubt about that.”

Zara stood from the couch and approached Greer slowly. “You mean to tell me that this psychopath is living amongst us.” In order for Greer to explain more, Zara went into more detail about the evidence already procured.

Greer looked puzzled as Zara finished the story of her near sacrifice. “If the man wanting to kill you has been promised powers, this witch has the power to harness nature’s energy and funnel it through a mortal. I do not believe that the almighty Satan would allow such perverse actions. He believes that magic must stay within those who are worthy to wield it.”

“Sounds supremacist,” Jughead mumbled. Speaking louder, he questioned Greer of how to find this person. “We only know two things about him. Nothing extremely identifiable.”

“That I cannot help you with, I’m sorry to say.”

The three bid the woman goodbye and drove back to the motel. Zara sat at the edge of the bed nearest the window, facing the other bed. “We’ve got more information than before, but it still isn’t enough to make a good deduction,” Zara said dejectedly.

Jughead, who was pushing his bag into the closet, nodded. “There must be more people we can talk to. Kurtz?”

Kurtz sat down next to Zara and clasped his hands together on his lap. “There are more, but I feel like it will be a wasted trip. If only Greer said more about who’s in charge of the magical community...”

“In charge?” Zara inquired.

“There always has to be a head person,” Jughead replied, sitting across from the two. “If we can meet with another family...” he trailed off looking at Kurtz.

Kurtz ignored him and went to lie down on the bed. “It’s late. We’ll resume tomorrow morning.” He sat up to strip off his jacket and pulled the covers over him. Zara looked back at him and gulped. It would look suspicious to Jughead if she opted to sleep on the floor, so she had to lay next to Kurtz.

“I’m going to get ready for bed,” she said, clearing her throat. Jughead nodded and took off his beanie, preparing for sleep himself. When Zara got out of the restroom, her heart started pounding. Luckily Jughead was snoring softly, so he wouldn’t pick up on the noise. She walked slowly to her bed and sat down. Slowly blinking once, she sighed and then, went under the covers. She tried creating as much distance from between her and Kurtz as possible, but she still felt his body heat.

“Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep...” Zara whispered repeatedly. Ultimately, sleep overtook her, and she relaxed. The next morning, the light shone through the curtains. Cracking her eyes open a fraction, Zara was blinded momentarily by the sliver of light hitting her eyes directly. She looked down, away from the curtains, to see a blurry face only a few centimeters away from her face. The more she blinked her eyes, the more the face got clearer. It was Kurtz. She widened her eyes and attempted to move away, but she found herself trapped by a hand wrapped around her torso.

Trying to remove his hand, Zara was stopped by a small voice saying, “Relax.” Kurtz was barely awake. “Jughead will be suspicious.” Zara looked behind her and saw that Jughead was still sleeping. “He’ll wake up soon,” Kurtz whispered. Zara’s lingering gaze didn’t go amiss by the wolf, and he smirked slightly.

After awhile, when the two got hungry, and Jughead awoke, they ventured out to eat and investigate some more. Zara took out her phone in the car and looked up where they could eat. “So, there’s a place called Dr. Cerberus’s,” she suggested. “You have to take a right here, Jug.”

The three entered the small shop and stopped by the door to take in the appearance. It looked as if it was decorated for Halloween. But, considering Halloween happened five months ago, the get-up seemed a bit peculiar to the three. Jughead sent a puzzled expression Zara’s way to which she responded, “They have four and a half stars on Yelp.”

After a few minutes, they ordered their food and sat down at a booth next to a group of chattering friends. “Kurtz, what family can we see next?” Jughead asked before taking a bit of his burger.

Kurtz leaned back against the faux red leather and shrugged. “There are two other families we could talk to, but after the hostility from Greer... And, she didn’t even care about her son’s death. I can’t guarantee the other families won’t be pissed.” There was rage emanating from the omega, and Zara didn’t need wolf senses to know that.

As she stuffed her mouth with curly fries, Zara’s ears picked up tidbits of the conversation from the booth next to theirs. “...The school’s gotten weirder ever since we found the prophecy. People are treating me as if some sort of dark savior from the dark lord. I really don’t get it.” Zara’s head swiveled to their direction at the mention of the dark lord. The two wolves also picked up on it if them not stuffing their faces anymore was an indication.

Before anyone could say anything, Zara got up from her seat and walked over to the table. She saw a girl with short, platinum blonde hair, styled with a black headband. The girl in question looked up at Zara, raising a groomed brow. “May I help you?” she asked with a grin.

“You were talking about the dark lord,” Zara started.

The girl widened her eyes but masked it immediately with a bigger grin. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Cut the bullshit. I need you to talk to me, now.”

The girl looked at her friends and ushered them away. Zara slipped into the now empty side of the booth, staring at the girl across from her. The girl cleared her throat and introduced herself, “My name is Sabrina Spellman. I am a witch.”

“I assumed,” Zara drawled. “My name is Zara Fatehi. I’m from Riverdale. I’m sure you’ve heard of what’s going on there.”

“A bit, yes. Why do you think I can help you?”

“The man going around ‘sacrificing’ people serves what his followers call the dark lord. Wanna explain that to me?”

Sabrina furrowed her brows. “I’m not sure I understand. Are you sure the sacrifices are for the dark lord?”

“No, actually. The last witch I interrogated said that the man was perverse, trying to give mortals magic under the guise of the dark lord’s wishes.”

“Perverse is one way to say it. Let’s just say my father is in a way, racist against mortals. He wouldn’t want them to have magic.”

“Hold on; your father is the dark lord? Satan?”

Sabrina sighed and confirmed, “Yes, unfortunately. I’m in a sort of ‘cold war’ with him.”

“So that means you’re the head witch?”

Sabrina chuckled and shrugged. “I guess so.”

“How do we take down this man, then? He clearly has magic to funnel it into his followers. The batty seer said he couldn’t possibly be from Greendale, but that doesn’t narrow down our suspect list.”

“You mean you went to see Greer the Seer? Yikes, she’s a handful. But, if she confirmed the man to be in Riverdale, there’s not much I can add on for details, I’m afraid to say. I pretty much have tabs on all magical folk in Greendale, but other towns are new territory.” Zara nodded dejectedly. “However, I might be able to do additional research for you.”

Notification Squad: @the-gargoyle-queen @-thatgirloverthere- @that-idiot125 @thispreviewsme @jinxfanfics @sweetscamille @kurtzyoufunkylittledruggy

Comment below to be added to the squad!

#in unity there is strength #riverdale AU #teen wolf AU #kurtz #kurtz imagine #kurtz AU #zara fatehi #zaraxkurtz #kurtzxzara #zurtz #kara #jonathan whitesell #riverdale #riverdalekurtz #riverdale imagine #jughead jones

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tanoraqui · 5 years

Note

those tags? ouch? mod worked so hard?

it’s hard to judge the level of tease vs condemnation in the tone of this, but for the record, I have thought about it, these last…god, over six years, and I’ve essentially concluded that what I put in my tags on my blog is my own business, and if the creator of a work I’m reblogging has some reaction to them, that reaction is not my responsibility, because they deliberately came to my space in order to view feedback on their work. Because is how tumblr works - you don’t see tags on your post unless you seek it out, even if “seek it out” is defined as “downloaded an extension years ago to show you tags with reblogs.” That’s still putting in extra effort, going the extra mile, or at least meter. I’m not adding my comments to the reblog, which they would automatically see in their Activity feed, nor am I replying to the post, ditto - tags are, everyone generally agrees, a place to sort things and to ramble in an undertone visible to you and your followers. If someone copies it onto the post with a reblog, that’s cool, but it wasn’t you that added it in a permanent and visible manner.

So if the creator then finds that I’ve commented - in the undertone permanent only on my own blog - with some critique, or maybe tagged it some way they never would have thought to just because it reminds me of that thing, how they feel about it is their concern, not mine. It’s a result of a thing I said, yes, about their work, but not to them. Just because a fellow tumblrer is more likely to see those comments than, say, JK Rowling is to see my extended complaints about the Fantastic Beasts movies - posted in this open forum where she is physically capable of seeing them but is unlikely to - does not mean I have cause to feel guilt or delight in any reactions they might have.

That’s the black-and-white answer, at least. The core of it. I’m aware, however, as I should be, that it is VERY much more likely that a tumblr-based creator like Modmad is going to see my tags than Rowling is, so I deliberately couched the comments in question in the classic compliment-critique-compliment sandwich of all good workshop comments everywhere - and you’d better believe I mean those first and last comments, too. I didn’t expand on them as much, but they were weighing on my chest less bc they’re positive, and what am I supposed to do, ramble endlessly about how much I like Mod’s duck comics? I mean, I could. I hope the fact that I keep reblogging and carefully tagging them all is some indication. I actually fully support the decision to make Leo an evil businessman doing it for a mix of profit and the lulz, rather than a scientist who believes in “pure” logic over magic, for the edited reasons here (shit, I didn’t think of that either), and because I agree that it WOULD have been kind of heavy-handed. There’s nothing wrong with bringing in one’s feelings on current events, and fuck that sort of businessperson.

Not that I’m the ultimate authority on skillful storytelling, but, like, I’m pretty good. Not to brag, but I’m pretty good. And it would have been better if there’d been some dialogue of, like, Magica asking Leo “WTF”, maybe more explicit reasoning/arguing/defining character moment from her about how she wants to use these animals but sustainability is important and when you get right down to it, she just likes magical things and wants it to thrive. She’s not a “hero”, but she has her own code. Then Leo is like, “But you’re still not one of heroes, so have you considered: pure profit”. Leo is working on a different angle of “pure” than Gladstone and to a lesser extent Magica, or at least, his moral code is roughly “who cares so long as I make money”, but the overall moral becomes much more coherently “purity in ‘moral’ actions is often impossible and when it’s not, it’s usually indistinguishable from heartless, dangerous extremism, so we should all just be thoughtful and aware of nuance and keep trying our best.” Which was, I think, the message Mod was trying to get across, and overall did really well.

…back to the non-specific-comic point: being aware that there was a decent chance Mod would see my tags, I did in fact deliberately leave out a comment that the particularly sketchy art of this comic got difficult for me to follow in the action sequences, because I know damn well that’s not Mod’s fault. I’m trying to offer some idle workshopping, now remind them of things they definitely feel bad about and cannot control bc tendonitis/carpel tunnel is a Bitch. I’m saying it now, despite the at-this-point high probability that they’re going to see this post, because I want to emphasize that I am aware of the impact of my tags on a creator who might read them, even if they are seeking out that response and thus accepting their own responsibility for said impact, and I’m not trying to be an asshole.

Edit added about a minute after posting: It would also be different if the creator in question followed me, because then then I WOULD assume that they would see my reblog of their work, and at least the first couple tags. I would in that case - indeed, I have in the past - either put critique under a Read More in a separate post, or PMed them, or put it in the tags but preceded by a tag like “warning: some critique coming next”. Because IMO constructive criticism is always good, but sometimes people don’t want it just now, or not for this work, and even if it’s all good, it’s polite to let people know it’s coming if they’re not already in a space explicitly for it (like a writing workshop.)

#random anon asks #fandom #tumblr

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hansmarx-blog1 · 6 years

Photo

Few Clouds, 5°C

Bommerholzer Str. 9, 58452 Witten, Deutschland

A place you should avoid

Wir sind jetzt dabei, den zweiten Teil unserer Reise durch die USA vorzubereiten. Die Flüge sind gebucht , Harpo hat auch ein Platz im Frachtraum ergattert, es kann losgehen. Am 27. März fliegen wir nach San Francisco, nehmen ein Mietwagen Richtung Sacramento und fahren am nächsten Tag nach Salt Lake City, um zunächst einmal Michelle Simpson zu besuchen, unsere alte Freundin aus Park City. Wir hätten also gerne ein Motel in der Nähe von Sacramento, wo wir auch mit Harpo unterkommen können. Das ist nicht ganz so einfach in den USA. Viele Hotels nehmen keine Hunde, andere werben damit, dass sie Pet friendly seien. Das ist schon mal gut, nicht so gut ist, dass sie sich ihre Freundlichkeit zum Teil fürstlich bezahlen lassen. 50 und mehr Dollar dafür, dass die Töle mit ins Zimmer darf sind da gar nichts. Zum Glück ist das nicht überall so, aber man muss aufpassen.

Das Haus einer bekannten Kette, bei der wir ganz gerne übernachten, machte auf den Bildern einen guten Eindruck Komma aber die Bewertungen auf TripAdvisor hatten es doch in sich. Man wundert sich fast, dass es Hotels auf solche Bewertungen einfach ankommen lassen und sich schon mal gar nicht dafür interessieren. Overall Rating

(13 Reviews) Horror show

March 13, 2019 I'd give no stars if possible and more photos are to come too. My worst experience in a hotel in my entire 58 years on this earth. They disrespected my service to my country as a Veteran. The lady at front desk had no idea of what she was doing or talking about. They have rooms that are so nasty they should be condemned "but as long as the money rolls in who cares" appears to be their moto. Gave us the wrong room and I hobbled to room with my caregiver and the room was already taken and it was OMG like a dumpster and on the one bed was 3 YES 3 little babies I mean like 15 months oldest maybe and for the 3 seconds we stood there it almost made me sick the stink coming out of that room. The weed smell through the whole hotel is like nothing I've smelled before. As I said this is the worst experience I've ever had. I called corporate office and got disrespected again by a "supervisor" and I use that term loosely as possible. The only bright moment in this whole ride through hood trap was speaking to a Jennifer the boss of the incompetent "supervisor who disrespected me. If your a drug addict, gang member or just plain trash do stay here, you'll fit right in and be right at home. I have filed complaints with CPS, The Health Department etc. I've sent all the photos along with a email to every local news station also. This type of behavior cannot be allowed to exist. It's a breeding ground for everything not good for our City and neighbors

Disagree with other reviews here

December 30, 2018 Super friendly staff. Those others must have been fired or something. The parking area and vicinity is patrolled at night and parking was no problem at all there was extra parking unlike other Red Roof locations here in Sac. There is like 10 fast food places within walking distance. (that's me though. For sure, Wendy's across the street. I went to Del Taco like less than a minute drive away. Patricia told me she has been here six months and was very nice letting me know about the veteran's discount. Thanks.

Want Some Heroin with That?!

December 15, 2018 One star only because zero stars aren't an option. I wish I'd checked yelp before booking this piece of sh*t hotel. The lobby appeared clean and contemporary so I figured it was a decent enough place. We came to Sac to see the Nutcracker ballet and when we arrived back at the hotel we were quickly accosted by a turd selling heroin and crack. He even had the nerve to shove a bag of his drugs in my 12 year old daughter's face! To make matters worse, he came out of the office and when I called down there to report him the clerk refused to answer the phone. It appears that the staff is in on the drug selling shenanigans. I called the sherrif's office and reported it. After this I'm posting on Hotels.com, Traveladvisor.com, and contacting the better business bureau and Red Roof Inn's corporate office.

Roaches

November 23, 2018 Reserved a non smoking room but the room smelled badly of smoke. Could have delt with that but the room was filled with cockroaches. Went back to lobby and requested refund. Clerk was polite and processed refund with no issues. So no complaints of the employers. But can't stay in a place with so many roaches. Neighborhood is pretty sketchy too. Did not feel safe parking and staying there.

Very insulting staff and unprofessional lazy manager r December 19, 2017 I just want to start by saying I never write reviews but after the treatment my family received I had to make sure I start good or bad for all deserving businesses. We checked in and was a little surprised how unfriendly and very short (morning) front desk staff was. Tatiana I believe was knowledgeable of her job but short and not friendly. So checking into the room it was clear management didn't check rooms after staff or give *need to fix list for maintenance. There was black hair on bedsheet. Quilt had food stains and other stains I don't wanna know what they were on them. We also noticed black hair in shower. Tub was not clean at all. we called front desk not asking for anything but just telling them for their knowledge. Also, one bulb in living room out and needed few other maintenance things done. Painting, toilet kept stopping up and broken window lock. So my husband had went to grocery store second morning and called front desk to say no service and please don't knock on door because our 11 yr old 12 next week son was there and we told him not open door unless we called to tell him. She said ok, no problems. Third morning we left hotel from bank which is five minutes down the street and it was 1130. We lost track of time but only 30 minutes and told her we were staying. She gave me attitude and said ok but we needed to be there by noon to pay or we would be charged a late fee. Umm ok but we got there by noon. When we got back our son informed us manager had called room and asked him why he was alone and it was against the law. Shocked we went downstairs to find out the problem and asked why they didn't question us when we paid before going up to room. There were two girls who immediatly started scolding us and saying it was against the law and treating us like bad parents. We told them to check state laws because it's at parents discretion after a certain age. And a almost 12yr old was ok alone for 30 minutes to a hour. They then acted shocked and said well they wouldn't do it. So we went back to room and as time passed I couldn't stop thinking about it and spoke to my husband who said it's just those girls and the night shift employee was really nice (a young guy) and security team was also nice and professional we decided to see if anything else would happen as we had one more day on reservation. That night there were sketchy young people outside obviously high and loud. I called front desk and I guess when security is off two days it's party time. Also that night my son had his hand under mattress and pulled out some old candy wrappers. The next morning at breakfast we told Tatiana and she was rude and said maintenance checks all rooms and basically implied we had done it. We even said we didn't expect anything just wanted the management to know they need to walk thru rooms to check on employees. The rest of day went on without incident and we were supposed to check out next morning. So my husband had lost car key and we couldn't find it. We looked all over property and couldn't find it. We made another reservation on line and called front desk (Tatiana again) and told her we made a reservation on line and needed another day. I explained my husband lost keys and she said ok. Our insurance (Geico, and they are awesome) sent a tow truck to us and opened our car. They waited ten minutes for us to search car and leave with them to go and have another very expensive key made. We were at dealership having a key maid when Tatiana called and said they found a car key and it was to a Ford. I was happy but it was to late (not her fault) However, we got back at 12:49pm and went to office to get key. Tatiana said we didn't sign papers by noon and manager charging us $25 late fee. We said we had called before noon to inform them we needed another night and why. She said nope we were supposed to sign by noon and computer started flagging us and charging us late fee. She could've checked us out and had paper there for us to sign and checked us in after we got back. Again, not their problem and manager wasn't there but we could have her voicemail. We were upset and told them we were leaving and we would return to checkout. She said we had 30 minutes or she was keeping our whole deposit. We ran upstairs and five minutes Tatiana calls and says her manager had called Sheriff because we didn't checkout on time. I got really angry and felt like I was being treated extremely poorly by staff. She didn't care and we now only had $10 of our $60 deposit left. I asked why she said 30:and she yelled no, and hurry up. We been informed already of hotel policy's which I thought when I called at noon to tell her we were staying we covered that. She didn't say otherwise. I hung up on her and still hurried out thinking no way a chain like this would let their employees act like this. Then a knock at door and rude maintenance man and two housekeepers stood their until we left, never getting a deposit at all. We waited and manager never came. it was working hours. I know this was long but I will write this review everywhere, every week until refunded deposit and a apology I will stand on Watt Ave and stop business. People gotta know. and as we waited in parking lot a man came out yelling cause he was charged $20 for one dirty towel. Horrible service.

#motel

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