#this is not what any of you asked for

[dannypuro]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Roy Kent/Jamie Tartt, Keeley Jones/Roy Kent/Jamie Tartt Characters: Jamie Tartt, Roy Kent, Keeley Jones, AFC Richmond Players (Ted Lasso) Additional Tags: Miscommunication, idiots to lovers, Unnecessary Pining, Domesticity, Getting Together, Matchmaking, Blowjob Plagiarism, Season/Series 03, Jamie Tartt Has a Praise Kink Summary:

Jamie's the best matchmaker ever--Roy and Keeley are gonna be back together before they even realize what's hit them. He's also, maybe, possibly fucking Roy on the side, but that's just until Roy gets back with Keeley and everything goes back to normal. Yente shit, like. (Note: This is not what anybody else thinks is going on, like, at all.)

In which Roy tries to be a good boyfriend to someone who doesn't know he has a boyfriend, Keeley and Jamie can't figure out who's stealing Roy from whom, and Jamie ponders the ethics of plagiarizing a blowjob for the greater good and learns to cook in the meantime. A comedy of errors.

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[sergle]

ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE, people dropping mad mad sums of money on gfms and charities and stuff are extremely impressive but that DOES NOT MEAN that putting like $5 towards someone's fund or any good cause is any less valuable, a lot of crowdfunding is about momentum and those single digits add up super fast, you do not need to be Rolling In The Dough to make someone's day!! moving the dial at all is extremely positive!!

[kenvamp]

Uhm. Hello hermit nation🫣

[inkskinned]

this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.

good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.

sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.

so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.

one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.

[pokimoko]

Asexual bird? Please

How about two asexual birds?

[farshootergotme]

Occasionally I picture Nightwing calling Red Hood "little wing" in front of others and people looking between this huge, 6'0 feet tall man with growing white hair, and then Nightwing, a shorter man who has flawless skin, probably around his 20's, and a fit but not too buff build and they just- don't know what's happening. Is it some kind of inside joke they aren't aware of? Why is Nightwing acting as if he's years older than Red-fucking jacked-Hood?

Nightwing: Little wing, you actually were decent in that fight! I'm impressed.

Hero, who was helping during this fight as well, listening in to the conversation: little...?

Red Hood: Wow, feeling very appreciated right now. Got any other backhanded compliments in there?

Hero: Wait, excuse me-

Nightwing: As a matter of fact-

Red Hood: Nope! I'm outta here. Screw you!

Nightwing: You know you love me!

Red Hood: In your dreams, dickhead!

Nightwing: Hey! We don't use that-

Red Hood: Not listening!

Nightwing: Jeez, kids these days...

Red Hood: I'm an adult and fuck you too!

Nightwing: What? Thought you weren't-

Red Hood: See you never, I'm out.

Hero: ...

Hero: what the actual fuck?

[hansoeii]

It's about who.

[chloesimaginationthings]

oh,,

cat's...

My addition… scooped Michael cat

[demigods-posts]

no but imagine percy who inherited his mom's beachwave brown, shoulder length hair as a kid. and all of his classmates and teachers thinking he's a girl and referring to him as such. and he doesn't correct them because he thinks it means they find him pretty. and he likes feeling pretty like his mom. then gabe makes him cut his hair in the second grade. and finds he likes the short hair and feeling handsome too. but he also really misses feeling pretty sometimes. and it isn't until after gabe mysteriously dissapears that he grows it out again and reconciles switching between both.

[blorbocedes]

ppl mad at lando for saying he still gets nervous before quali and can't eat all Sunday cause nervy from the pressure, cause this isn't champion mentality cause you won't hear schumacher/hamilton/max saying it, or that he's sympathy baiting in the fastest car... but like. James Hunt would vomit before races. Nico only compulsively ate potatoes on Sunday. it's a nerve wracking sport! why does the champion/winning mentality only have be in 1 form (that is stringently stereotypically masculine)?

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I think Duke Thomas should get to give off eldritch horror vibes to all JL-associated magic users. As a treat.

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

[yuwuta]

you ask yuuta if he wants a bite of your food and when he says yes you offer your plate to him, but he’s just sat there looking at you with his dumb big bambi boy eyes and his mouth slightly open and he will not look away or blink or close his mouth until you lift your fork to his lips to feed him and then he grins like shit’s sweet and hums about how good the food is like nothing happened like he’s not ridiculously attractive. gonna chew on steel

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

[solarpunkani]

sometimes spite is a powerful motivator and today its motivating me to crochet

long story short I saw a cool bag on pinterest while I was looking for crochet patterns but there was no fucking pattern but one of my friends found a pattern for a similar but not quite bag so I watched an hour long video, transcribed it into text, and am now gonna make a wholeass backpack just because Sunflower Vibe

Wish me luck I guess

Also this is the bag