#this is what the kids call an epic fail in life

[minecraft-java]

hi tumblr what do you think about. this.

[thepringlesofblood]

the vibe im getting from FHJY is that this is the season where they really lean into the high school aspect. that probably sounds bonkers since its called Fantasy High, but like. hear me out.

Freshman year, they come at high school from the "John Hughes" "80s teen movie trope" vibe, which is to say different from the real-world experience of high school.

it works great! operating in that frame of reference makes everything flow really well, and hits all the high-school-related-media notes in a very satisfying way while putting its own spin on it and not getting bogged down by the actual slog that is high school in reality.

there's still a lot of more modern inspo, but it stays in the kinda expectation-suspension-tropey area of how 80s movie high school works.

Sophomore year is spring break! I believe in you! They're not at school! They're on an adventure!

They lean into being a teenager and coming-of-age themes a lot (obvs), but the only big reference point to the institution of high school is that it'll be worth 60% of their grade.

A huge point, to be sure, and the exact kind of objectively unfair but somehow not against the rules shit that happens in high school, but not the main driving force of the season.

arthur aguefort also does a bunch of wack shit but it's more fantasy than it is high school although its a lot of both.

they lean into adventuring as a set career path much more, with the school giving money for hirelings and offering a basic incentive for other students to go, so that's a loose connection to the real-world career counseling high schools have, but again, not the main thing.

VERY Important though: we are now very much in the present. The viral shrimp party, livestreaming Kalina, online banking, the epic of Gorgug building a cell tower? this isn't john hughes 80s town anymore, this is now. (at least in Solace).

Junior year

almost everything in the trailer is about academia

we've got the cool doodles-in-the-margins style art and intro

in the interviews and BTS (so far), the cast have talked a lot about what they were like in high school (not the 80s)

and the precedent that The Seven set where the MacGuffin was getting their GED? It's time.

we're getting into what is actually hell about high school - the institution itself. the arbitrary standards that academia in the US holds, and how it leaves behind, punishes, and fails its students in its extremely important role of preparing them for life as an adult.

i could talk about this all day, but personally for me the quote from the trailer that shot me back to my junior year of high school was "You have perfect grades, and it still might not be enough for you to graduate"

riz's arc this season is shaping up to punch me in the academia trauma and personally i can't wait for the catharsis

Brennan has shown time and time again that he Gets and wants to tell stories about the ways in which the US education system affects, hurts, shapes, traumatizes, changes people, and how they survive and recover from it and make their own lives. I for one am so so ready to see that reflected with the bad kids.

[strangelittlestories]

It was in the 6th year of the Wars of the Real that the anti-magicians and their Realis project (that all should act in accordance with certain physical laws) were truly challenged. This was due in no small part due to a singular invention from a family of forest witches.

Their discovery was as ingenious as it was stupid. And it radically changed what a disparate collective was able to accomplish in the face of both overwhelming force and abstract certainty.

It also caused a truly historic amount of epic shitfuckery.

From “I Fought the Spore and the Spore Won: a history of Realis and Resistance”

- - -

“So, you’re the new recruit, huh?” The woman who spoke wore strange armour that looked like it had been grown out of wood. The helmet alone glinted with metal spikes.

“I … uh, I guess? Sorry, I’m kinda new to this whole ‘magical kingdom’ deal you’ve got going on here…” The recruit in question was wearing dull red overalls and a ‘what-the-fuck’ expression.

“No worries, kid. We put out a multiversal call for aid - so anybody with a latent magical destiny or a strong subconscious hero fantasy got pulled in. Very much a ‘To Whom It May Concern’ type of spell.” 

She patted him on the shoulder. Up close he could see that the spikes on her helmet were actually the shards of a broken crown.

“So, uh, do I get any kind of training?”

“You already did, buddy. The spell should’ve planted a ‘potential seed’ inside you. When you’re exposed to trauma, then just in the nick of time it’ll suddenly sprout into the skills you need to survive. Very dramatic.” She paused for a second. “Or you’ll die. Also very dramatic.”

“So … either I’ll be awesome or I’ll die?”

“Well, you would die … unless you have one of these.” She threw him a small vial. He fumbled the catch, but grabbed it on the second try. Inside the vial swirled a glowing grey-green mist. “You catch a mortal wound, drink it. Or smash it on the injury. The fungus inside will patch you up.”

“Fungus?” The man was a pretty even split of horrified and fascinated. He simultaneously wanted to throw the vial away like poison, or guzzle it like forbidden candy.

“Yeah, you ever hear of ‘ophiocordyceps unilateralis’?”

“The weird zombie ant mushroom? Yeah, I saw it on a documentary!”

“Well, a family of witch-mycologists - real wyrd scientist types - they brewed up this variant in their forest. They turned it from a parasite to a symbiote. If it knows who you are, it’ll heal your wounds, get your heart pumping, even move your limbs for you.”

“How do I get it to know who I am?”

“You feed it.” She grinned ghoulishly. “Chuck in some hair, some blood, whatever bits of you are going spare. Anything to sync it up to your DNA. Think of it as your very own cannibal sourdough starter.”

“And people actually use this?”

“Oh yeah. Folks swear by the stuff. They even had an argument over what nickname it should have. The winner was the truly cursed phrase ‘resurrection juice’.”

“...really?”

“Oh yeah. The juice brigade are pretty smug it caught on. Some smart alec tried to give it a mushroom name, but they got one-upped by the juice thing.”

“I’m not sure I’m a fan of sharing my body with a fungus.” He tried to find the right words to articulate the niggling philosophical nuances of the idea and failed. “It feels like, I dunno, a bad idea?”

“Oh, it’s a terrible idea. A real crock of stupid. Pure idiot-fuel. But sometimes, when the world’s against you, the truly bad idea is the only one you have.”

“But, I mean, once the fungus takes over … would I still even be me?” The urge to gobble up the taboo canape had begun to be edged out by the existential dread.

“Look at it this way: you’d be mushroom food anyways, right? Why not let it be mushrooms who think they’re you? I think it’s kinda comforting that when the time comes, I can just relax and let fungus take the wheel.”

The man paused for a second, pondering the nature of life, decay, and resurrection.

“Anyways, they’ll be summoning the portal to pipe us out on our first mission soon. So best get ready.” The princess (for that’s what she was) thought for a second, then asked: “By the way … what did you do before you got sucked up into this particular asscrack, anyhow?”

The man gulped.

“I was a plumber.” He said.

[alasarys]

Recommended books for the drivers from BookPeople, Austin, Texas (insta)

Daniel Ricciardo: Friday Night Lights – "... every Friday night from September to December, when the Permian High School Panthers play football, this West Texas town becomes a place where dreams can come true."

Lando Norris: Assassin's Apprentice – "Fitz ... must give up his old ways and embrace a new life of weaponry, scribing, courtly manners; and how to kill a man secretly, as he trains to become a royal assassin."

Alex Albon: My Brilliant Friend – "... a rich, intense and generous-hearted story about two friends ... a touching meditation on the nature of friendship."

Logan Sargeant: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood – "hilarious, delicious, and brutal"

Yuki Tsunoda: A Cook's Tour – "the unpredictable adventures of America's boldest and bravest chef."

Carlos Sainz: Great American Golf Stories – "some of the best classic writings, both fact and realistic fiction, that reflect the rich history, tradition, agony, and ecstasy of one of our most enduring and endearing pastimes."

Oscar Piastri: Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting – "It turns out that talking to strangers can teach you about the world around you--and even more about yourself."

Lance Stroll: Infinite Jest – "Set in an addicts' halfway house and a tennis academy, and featuring the most endearingly screwed-up family to come along in recent fiction, Infinite Jest explores essential questions about what entertainment is and why it has come to so dominate our lives; about how our desire for entertainment affects our need to connect with other people; and about what the pleasures we choose say about who we are."

Charles Leclerc: Every Good Boy Does Fine – "[Denk] reminds us that we must never stop asking questions about music and its purposes: consolation, an armor against disillusionment, pure pleasure, a diversion, a refuge, and a vehicle for empathy."

Lewis Hamilton: The Boy with a Bird in his Chest – "A heartbreaking yet hopeful novel about the things that make us unique and lovable, The Boy with a Bird in His Chest grapples with the fear, depression, and feelings of isolation that come with believing that we will never be loved, let alone accepted, for who we truly are, and learning to live fully and openly regardless."

Max Verstappen: Atomic Habits – "Atomic Habits will reshape the way you think about progress and success, and give you the tools and strategies you need to transform your habits--whether you are a team looking to win a championship ..."

Zhou Guanyu: A Visible Man – "When Edward Enninful became the first Black editor-in-chief of British Vogue, few in the world of fashion wanted to confront how it failed to represent the world we live in. But Edward, a champion of inclusion throughout his life, rapidly changed that."

Pierre Gasly: Misery – "He's a bestselling novelist who has finally met his biggest fan. Her name is Annie Wilkes and she is more than a rabid reader – she is Paul's nurse, tending his shattered body after an automobile accident. But she is also his captor, keeping him prisoner in her isolated house."

Valtteri Bottas: Foundryside – "To have a chance at surviving ... Sancia will have to marshal unlikely allies ... and undergo her own transformation ..."

Fernando Alonso: The House of the Spirits – "an enthralling saga that spans decades and lives, twining the personal and the political into an epic novel of love, magic, and fate."

Kevin Magnussen: The Daily Dad – "366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids"

Sergio Perez: Bad Feminist – "an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better"

Building on the excellent work by @vegasgrandprix and @kritischetheologie

[keenzinemugstudent]

Superman x witch fem black reader x Superboy! Our future? Part 1!

You come back from a mission only to meet a boy who claims to be your son?!

After your mission with Flash which was an epic win! After going back in time to help stop an ancient Egyptian pharaoh from destroying world you just wanted to turn in your report go home and watch TV and rest but life had another plan for you today!

"When you use that spell on that other guy and had him hallucinating that he was fighting in his underwear was absolutely hilarious Y/H/N! (Your Hero Name)

"Right? Like he didn't see that coming! I do feel bad for the poor guy tho." We entered the Batcave as we got closer we could hear three people talking I saw Batman and Superman an unfamiliar face. It was a boy well more like a teenager he had blue jeans, black combat boots with a black shirt when he turned around I can see the Superman symbol and for some reason you had this pull towards him and he looked strangely familiar?

"Hey guy's! We're back it took a while you know with the whole space-time thing but we're fine, we made it got the job done so uh who's the new guy new face looks pretty young to join the Justice League don't you think?" Flash says. Superman looked at me I gave him a small wave to say hello but he just gave an awkward smile looking pass you. It was weird he usually doesn't do that, something must have happened you turned your attention back to the teenager who was looking at you with his eyes glossing over like he was close to crying?

"Since when do we allow fans into the batcave?" I asked hands on my hips I had got a good look at his face better and to your surprise he looked kind of like Clark? Before you could say anything the boy ran towards you with such speed nearly knocked you over he pulled you into a big bear hug almost like he was too scared to let you go everyone just stood watching the scene Bruce stood with a blank face, Superman stood there with an uneasy look while Flash was just as confused as you were with what was going on.

"Your here! I made it just in time!" The boy says into your shoulder you honestly didn't know what the heck was going on but something in you felt a connection to this unknown boy. You hug him back rubbing his back he pulled back flustered.

"Uh hi?" I say with a confused smile.

"H-hi! I mean I'm sorry for uh hugging you I just got really excited!" The boy said with a nervous smile geez even his smile is like Clark's!

"That's fine hon just uh be careful next time you wanna hug someone. You nearly knocked me off my feet!" You say hitting his shoulder. He smiled but was still flustered, you got a better look he was definitely a spitting image of Clark but only a tad bit kid had some muscle on him that's for sure but what really caught your attention was his eye's they were Y/E/C (your eye color)you put a hand on his cheek making him flinch a bit from your warm touch.

"That's funny your eyes..." Before you could finish Flash cut you off sliding over next to you and the kid.

"Can someone explain what and who this boy is please?" Flash says looking the kid up and down, Batman looked towards Superman who looked back shaking his head Batman looked towards the boy who looked back nodding than turned at you nervous.

"Um so first I'm really happy to meet you and second please don't freak out when I tell you this but I'm Kon-el."

"Oh so you are Kryptonian! Another cousin you failed to tell us about Superman?" I asked jokingly but he just looked at you awkwardly with a tiny blush, okay what the heck is wrong with him? You just turned your attention back to the young man.

"Well it's very nice to meet you Kon-el the minute I saw you I knew you were somehow related to Superman. You are just as handsome as the man of steel himself!" You say with a smile he blushed at your words while Superman also looked flustered by you calling him handsome.

"Thanks...mom."

I froze the smile on my face slowly dropping I heard Flash gasped while Bruce and Clark stared at your face waiting for reaction the boy looked at you with a bit of concern but the only thing you could do was just stand in shock looking between the boy and Superman who was still waiting for your reaction but you let out a simple small confused "Huh?" before everything went black.

Clark's POV

Before anyone else could react Y/n eyes rolled in the back of her head luckily I had caught her in time. Conner I mean Superboy started to panic kneeling to the ground along side me.

"I-i'm sorry it just slipped out!" I just gave him a small understandable look.

"It's fine Superboy she's okay just in shock."

Not that you blame her I nearly had the same reaction I was in metropolis when Bruce had gave me the call saying that it was urgent I rushed over only to find Batman holding a teenage boy at gun point (it was a kryptonite gun) at first I was confused and concerned until Batman told me that the boy claimed to be mine and Y/H/N son which of course was hard to believe because I was in a relationship with Lois even though we've been having issues and Y/n had no interest in dating (at least that's what I was told by Diana) and we were only close friends nothing more nothing less. At least that's what I thought until the boy in front of me claimed to be our child and he needed the Justice League's help. Of course me and Bruce had doubts but I could see that he did resembled me a bit only he didn't have my blue eyes but had Y/E/C (your eye color) that's when the boy who called himself Superboy told Bruce to look in his back jean pocket and that there was a picture to prove it of course Batman did in to our surprise it was a picture of me and Y/n who was laying in a hospital bed, a beautiful but tired smile on her face and was holding a newborn baby, at the bottom of the photo it read "Welcome to the world our little miracle child Connor Kent" I had to hold on to something because I felt faint, Bruce held my shoulder trying to help me stand on my feet.

I had a son? the son of Superman and Y/H/N...we had a son?!

it just it sounded so...right??? I shouldn't be saying or thinking such things because I'm in a relationship with Lois but recently we've been having issues especially about how she feels about Y/n which just make this whole situation worse!

Just as Connor was trying to explain how he got here that was when Barry and Y/n entered the cave back from their mission, which brings us back to the present with me holding Y/h/n in my arms and Connor looking very concerned for his future mother.

"She did say she was tired after using so much magic and the shock of meeting Superboy I guess was too much for her body." Barry says arms crossed, I picked Y/n up bridal style then turn to looked at Bruce.

"I'll take care of this you call the other's." I say before walking out with Conner not far behind. Today has been tiring for everyone.

To be continued this and AU where Conner isn't a Clone between Lex and Clark but you and Superman's son idea I had while working 🤷‍♀️

Here part 2!

[imobsessedwiththeatre]

Lets analyze dont lose your head song!! (Historical accuracy)

Grew up in the French Court- kinda?? She was at austrian court too i think. She was lady in waiting. NO SHE WASNT FRENCH just she spended most of her teenagw years here

Oui, oui, bonjour

Life was a chore so (she set sail)- exactly!! Her life in france was a chore!!

1522 came straight to the UK

All the British dudes, lame-the song made it seem she just moved to england, but she did not guys she was borned here :"). And she almost married a guy named William Carey, so its not rlly accurate

Epic fail

Ooh, I wanna dance and sing- yes! There was a show called "Chateu verte" or something i dont remember. And it was exactly in 1522 so its alr+

Politics, not my thing- i cant say if its accurate or not. I think she was quite interested in politics

Ooh, but then I met the King

And soon my daddy said, "You should try and get ahead"- YES

He wanted me, huh, obviously

Messaging me like everyday- it was like a stalk. He even sent her doctors when she got sick, without asking for it!!

Couldn't be better, then he sent me a letter and who am I kidding

I was prêt-à-manger-????

Ooh, sent a reply

Ooh, just saying hi

Ooh, you're a nice guy

I'll think about it maybe, xo baby- UHH?? HENRY STARTED ALL OF THIS FLIRTING?? SHE TRIED TO AVOID HIM??

Here we go

(You sent him kisses)

I didn't know I would move in with his misses- she in fact knew about his wife ane child.

(What?)

Get a life

You're living with his wife?- in 1530 henry wanted anne to movw into the palace, while trying to get catherine out

Like, what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

Or go to hell

I'm sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

Three in the bed and the little one said- NO

If you wanna be wed, make up your mind

Her or me, chum

Don't wanna be some

Girl in a threesome- there wasnt any threesome?..

Are you blind?

Ooh, don't be bitter

Ooh, 'cause I'm fitter

Ooh, why hasn't it hit her?

He doesn't want to bang you

Somebody hang you- idrk if she would say it. I dont really know anything bout their relationship

Here we go

Your comic went viral

I didn't really mean it but rumours spiral- Yeah, they accused her of witch craft

Wow Anne, way to make the country hate you- FR. they loved catherine sooo...

Mate, what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

Or go to hell

I'm sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

Tried to elope

But the pope said nope

Our only hope was Henry

He got a promotion

Caused a commotion

Set in motion the C of E

The rules were so outdated

Us two wanted to get x-rated- they already got 'x-rated'..

Soon, ex-communicated-yeah they made small secrwt wedding

Everybody chill, its totes God's will

Henry's out every night on the town-MHM

Just sleeping around, like what the hell?-YEA

If that's how it's gonna be

Maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three- NO. But they accused her of affair with her brother george, some violinist and other guy

Just to make him jell

Henry finds out and he goes mental- YEAH

He screams and shouts- wait he was rather calm i think?..yk he was abt to marry jane

Like so judgemental

You damned witch-Yeah...

Mate, just shut up

I wouldn't be such a b-

If you could get it up- UMMM...

Here we go

(Is that what you said?)- she didnt really argued tho..

And now he's going 'round like off with her head- it was like guards got her and her so called lovers on a talk

(No)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he means it

(Seems it)

What was I meant to do?

(What was she meant to do?)

Like what was I meant to do?

(What was she meant to do?)

No, but what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

Or go to hell (she's going to hell)

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what she said

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

AND FOR THE REST?? ID SAY SHE WAS RATHER CONFIDENT THROUGH THE EXECUTION

[divine0rdainment]

Adamsapple Love In Paradise Au

(This is all Epic the Musicals Fault, blame them!)

Trigger warning for Yandere-ish Lucifer, show death, kinda kidnapping, and mental illness.

In this au, Lilith went to hell alone, and instead, Lucifer was trapped in the Garden of Eden since Eve ate the apple. Lilith became Queen of Hell on her own and when Adam and Eve had kids, lost Cain and Abel, had more kids, than died of old age, Adam went to heaven, and Eve fell to hell. She married Lilith, and they are the ones who used magic to make Charlie. Eve later goes up to heaven, leaving Lilith and Charlie in Hell for seven years, and most of what happens in HazbinHotel happens, but with Lilith being the parent left at home and Eve abandoning them.

Adam, as always, looses in a fight to the leader of hell and gets stabbed to death by Nifty. However, when he wakes up, he finds himself on a beach with someone looking down at him in wonder. It's a familiar face that it takes him a moment to recognize. It's...it's Lucifer. Someone he hadn't seen in thousands of years. He was still an angel, pick cheeks, golden help, white unblemished wings, and long long hair that runs across the ground as Lucifer walks. He wore silk robes that held off his shoulders and he's covered in jewlery. Adam on the other hand was exactly as he left except his robes are covered in blood and his chest is covered in scars from being stabbed, but at least he wasn't dead.

So it turns out Lucifer wasn't killed or anything like Adam thought, instead he's just been trapped in Eden, unable to leave. Whenever he tries, he runs into an invisible barrier that keeps him from going far, and Adam is the first person to ever walk on this island that wasn't Lucifer. Yes there are animals, and all of them are harmless, as that is how Eden was designed. And some animals even just walk up to Lucifer asking for pets (Cheetahs, Wolves, raves, rats, Sharks, Ect.) And Lucifer seems so excited to see him...a little too excited. He keeps touching Adams arm and face and hair and wings. Staying very very close to him.

Lucifer built himself a huge white castle with his magic, and inside it are many bedrooms that are all designed differently, a bath house, a garden bedroom with living flowers and a swinging bed from a tree, a room full of pottery, a room full of paintings, a roomie for Sculptures and rock collecting and basically many many many hobbies to keep Lucifer as sain as possible.

There's a room with a magic mirror that shows things on earth to Lucifer but he can't interact with anything he sees in it. Just watch. He calls the mirror his best friend. As crazy as that is. The longer Adam is stuck with Lucifer the more he realizes just how crazy the little angel has gone after being here for so long utterly alone. He even finds a room full of clay statues of people that he tried to breathe life into and failed every time. The longer he's there the more attached to the hip Lucifer gets, and the more desperate he is to make Adam like him...dangerously desperate...

And the more Adam pushes away from him, the tighter Lucifer's grip gets. Going so far as to lie to Adam, make him anything he wants including a guitar and food, slap Adam when he gets too aggressive and argumentative, and even locks Adam in a room a few times just to stop him from trying to find a way off the island. Lucifer told him it's impossible! He's tried for thousands of years! Why does he keep trying to leave him?! But one day...Adams is going to love him back and stay willingly. It's only a matter of time. He will do whatever it takes. Adam is all he has now.

[projectmoonlightproductions]

I saw ur post/ask about epic-legend privilege and common-rare hate and let me tell you the pain is REAL. ESPECIALLY with the ancients specifically getting away with so much bullshit over the years. Some of the kingdom fandom is super dope and some of it is more toxic than Chernobyl

my specific gripe with *that* part of the community around kingdom is just… how much of the nuance of the stories are erased and ignored when you give someone who failed English class an iPad. I don’t like being one of those “I’m smarter than you and ur headcanons are stupid” ppl (from first hand experience they are horrible to deal with good god I’m never logging in to fandom.com again), but the lack of media literacy has produced some dog water takes about the stories of the legends + ancients especially. And I’m emphasizing legends too, cuz OvenBreak community is much less guilty of this in my experience but we gave Sea Fairy’s flaws a pass for YEARS and I’ve only ever seen it called into question when I got back into cookie run late 2023. And the post was from April this year we were tripping for a long time 💀

but yeah anyways! The god cookies have pulled some dodgy shit since launch and I’ve rarely seen it explored within fan works or as part of a character analysis.

Take what you were saying about Pure Vanilla and his involvement of Gingerbrave in the BeastYeast plot line for example. How fucked up is that? Pure vanilla is 1. A grown ass man, 2. Fully recovered from the injuries from whatever story mode shit he was in at this point, and 3. A LITERAL GOD? And guess who he brings to solve his problems. 3 RANDOM ASS KIDS

dude wizard and strawberry didn’t 100% have to go (but let’s be real they’ve been so conditioned to do this quest crap that they’d probably choose to go anyway) but brave? They’re a HEAVILY disordered kid who has endured such fundamental developmental trauma (Almost no one talks about the oven and witch when relating to brave btw and it’s insane but that’s for another day) that it’s morphed into him basing their whole identity on 1. Being brave, and 2. Helping people. Even if pure vanilla didn’t sense anything off with the kid’s debilitating dependency on being brave and Not Being Alone and eagerness to fight and kill and die for people she’s known for barely a minute, you’d think the *adult* man could at LEAST say “hm. This is a dangerous god mission. I shouldn’t bring these kids with me.” There is much more I can say but I think u get the general jist.

PV is not a saint. Him, along with every other ancient, is a cookie with both immense power and important flaws who makes mistakes. While everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes, these guys have had more time to grow and power over their lives than almost all other characters in this setting ever will, and the sheer weight of some of these, dare I say, juvenile mistakes have had devastating consequences on families, friends, kingdoms, and even the cookie species as a whole. With great power comes great responsibility, but the ancients have been living life as if no one paid the electric bill, when in reality, they’re running the city’s generators.

YES THANK YOU

Especially the part with Sea Fairy because her obsession with Moonlight literally keeps putting the world at risk

Also if an epic cookie has too simple of a design or a basic story they’re forgotten immediately. Like Lime, Sandwich, Macaron, or Salt.

[skullythefriendlyskullface]

How Not to Bake a Pizza

This is my first entry for @tmnt-write-fight. Big shout out to @mostlyvoid-partiallyturtles, who provided the following writing prompt:

The gang tries to cook/bake something complicated.

Now, granted, pizza isn't that complicated of a dish, but as someone who grew up with multiple siblings and witnessed all of their epic cooking fails, I would argue that any dish can be complicated if you cook it wrong enough. So, enjoy! I look forward to battling my peers during write fight this month. Glory to the Foot Clan!

Words: 3415

Rating: Gen

Tags: Fluff, Fluff Without Plot, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Slice of Life, No Plot/Plotless

Iteration: Mutant Mayhem

You can also check out the fic here on AO3!

//

“Thanks again for letting us use your oven, Mrs. O’Neil,” Donnie said.

“And, well, your whole kitchen for that matter,” Mikey added.

Carol stared, bewildered, at the four teenage boys that waltzed into her apartment. Four teenage turtle boys. Her daughter, April, glanced at her nervously in between exchanging hi-fives (hi-threes?) and handshakes with them. “Hey, guys, what’s up?” she said. “This is my mom. Momma, this is Leo, Raph, Donnie -”

“- Donnie, and Mikey,” she finished. “The new friends you’ve been talking about, right?”

Leo extended a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. O’Neil,” he said. “Hope you don’t mind us dropping in. We’re just here to make a pizza. If it turns out decent, we’d love to share it with you.”

Oh, she did mind. Having unexpected guests was bad enough – the apartment wasn’t clean, and she hadn’t stocked the fridge with anything to eat. But four boys at once? And all of them her daughter’s age? Nonetheless, she hid her chagrin behind a charming smile and shook Leo’s hand.

As the turtles filed into the kitchen, chattering among themselves, she made her way to her daughter. “I take it you think it’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission?” she whispered as she placed her hand on her shoulder.

“It’s just for one, maybe two hours,” April said sheepishly. “You see, they don’t have an oven and they’ve never made a homemade pizza before and…”

Her daughter went on, insisting that they would stay out of trouble and clean up after themselves. One thing was for sure: Carol had never seen her this excited about having friends over. Ever since she entered high school, she had struggled to make friends. There weren’t many kids who shared her interests, and she tended to be on the shy side. Maybe this would be good for April, as inconvenient as it was.

Of course, that didn’t mean she was going to not be strict. “You, me, and your daddy are gonna have a talk later,” she warned, cutting her off.

April paled slightly. “Oh. Okay. So, we cool for now, or…?”

Carol looked up at the turtles, who had already found the mixing bowls and were pulling them out of their cabinets. “You four make yourselves at home, okay? I’ll just be in the living room if you boys need anything,” she called out.

“We won’t,” Raph called out. “We got this.”

“Thanks anyway!” Mikey said.

She stepped into the living room, pulled a book from one of the shelves, then sat down on the couch, thumbed it open and pretended to read. To be honest, she couldn’t help but be a little nosy. If April was right, and these four teenagers had never baked a pizza before, then this Saturday afternoon was going to be an entertaining one.

Two minutes in, and they were already running into problems. “Donnie, what are you doing?” Raph asked.

“I’m just heating up the water, why?” The microwave door closed and Carol heard a few beeps in quick succession.

“We don’t need hot water for the recipe. We’re making dough, not tea.”

“Yeah, but we need to activate the yeast so that the dough rises properly. It’s a living organism and it needs a warm environment. Didn’t you pay attention to Ms. Morrison’s class?”

“No. Who’s Ms. Morrison?”

“I think he’s talking about his biology teacher,” Leo said. “And Donnie, you’re the only person taking AP biology, so why would we know this?”

“You’re learning how to cook in biology?” Mikey said. “Man, I should have taken biology instead of chemistry this year. Chemistry stinks.”

“No, we’re just learning about microorganisms,” Donnie said, answering his question. “Speaking of which, did you wash your hands before scooping out the flour?”

“No. Was I supposed to?”

Leo made a noise that sounded like he was going to throw up. “That’s it. We’re starting over,” he said, earning protests from his brothers.

“Whoa, whoa, you’re not just throwing away the flour, are you?” April said. “That bag costs like, seven bucks.”

“It’s only two cups of flour,” Donnie said. “So really, it’s only a few cents worth.”

“Yeah, and besides, we don’t know where Michael’s hands have been,” Leo said.

“Hey! I’m standing. Right. Here,” he said emphatically.

“You did touch the handrails when we went through the subways today,” Raph said. “But I don’t want to start over, so can we just get on with it and make the dough already?”

“You make it sound like we’ve already made half a pizza,” Leo said. “All we’ve done was put flour in the bowl!”

Carol peeked over the edge of the book and watched apprehensively as Leo stood by the trash can with the bowl of flour in his hands, ready to dump it. Although part of her was disgusted by the thought of these kids cooking with unwashed hands, it was going to hurt to see the flour go to waste. She had bought that flour at the local farmer’s market, and it was organic, too. But hey, that’s what she got for buying nice things in this economy.

The microwave beeped, signaling that the water had been heated. Donnie opened the microwave and reached inside, only to let out a high-pitched squeal as he quickly recoiled his arms.

“What happened?” Raph asked.

“The cup is hot! It burned my fingers,” he said.

“Don, are you -” Leo started. He absently dropped the bowl of flour and was cut off when the ceramic shattered against the tile. “Oh crap.”

“Leo!” said April exasperatedly.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Oh my God, I am so cooked.”

“Chill, April, it’ll be fine,” Mikey said. “Your dad’s not here and your mom isn’t paying attention.”

“Ow, ow!” Raph said. “I think I stepped on one of the fragments.”

“How’d it get all the way over there?” April said.

“Nobody move,” Leo quickly said. “Donnie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, are you alright?” Delila said. “You’re practically standing on all the shards.”

“Everyone just shut up,” Raph said, holding his head between his hands. “Just stop yelling.”

“Bro, you’re the only one yelling,” Mikey said.

The urge to step in was growing by the second and Carol had to bite her lip to keep herself from saying something. She didn’t care about the bowl as much as April probably thought she did – she was more concerned about poor Donnie. She should have warned them that the wattage on the microwave was overpowered before they tried using it. To be fair, though, she didn’t think they would, much less burn their fingers trying to warm up a cup of water. And now there were several pieces of ceramic scattered across the kitchen and five stressed-out teenagers scrambling to figure out what to do next.

What was it she had read in that new parenting book? Something about letting kids make mistakes so that they could learn from them? Besides, they were all teenagers, not five year olds. If they really needed help from her, they’d ask, right? Carol shoved her nose deeper in the book she was pretending to read, as if the motion would help calm her nerves. April was a good kid, but she would be lying if she said that raising her was easy. She couldn’t imagine raising four children at once.

Leo inhaled deeply through his nose. “Okay. Okay, this is fine, we can fix this,” he said. “April, do you have a broom or vacuum or something? I can help you clean this up. Raph, Donnie, do any of you need band aids?”

“I could use some,” Donnie said.

“Same,” Raph said gruffly. “If anyone needs me, I’m gonna be outside.” He walked to the back of the kitchen to where the sliding doors led to the balcony, and roughly shut them behind him. The sound of muffled screams came through the walls a few seconds later.

Mikey helped Donnie place some band aids on his fingers, then went outside to give some to Raph. Meanwhile, Leo and April carefully picked up the pieces of the broken bowl, talking about their classes as they threw away the fragments. Leo often stumbled over his sentences, as if being near April made him nervous. Carol peeked over her book again. Whenever April wasn’t paying attention, Leo was stealing glances her way and smiling softly to himself.

This boy couldn’t be more obvious if he glued a sign to his forehead that said, “I’m in love with you.” Carol returned her gaze to her book. She was going to have to keep an eye on him.

Eventually, Leo and April vacuumed up all the fine slivers of ceramic and the thin layer of flour that coated the kitchen floor. Raph returned, still sullen, but calmed down. The kids then started over with making the dough – after making sure that they had each washed their hands. Within a few minutes, they had mixed all the ingredients together and were letting the dough rest. As they bickered over the toppings they wanted on the pizza, they ran into another problem.

“I can’t find the shredded cheese,” Mikey said. He stood in front of the open fridge door, letting all of the cool air out.

“It should be in the back, next to the cream cheese,” April said.

“I see the cream cheese. No shredded cheese, though.”

“Here, move out of the way.” April stuck her head into the fridge and rummaged through the various items on the shelves. “I could’ve sworn…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. We don’t have cheese?” Raph said.

“Hold on, it’s gotta be in here somewhere,” April said.

“If you can’t find it, then maybe we can, I dunno, substitute it with the cream cheese?” Leo said.

“Dude, what?” Raph said incredulously. “What makes you think we can put cream cheese on a pizza?”

“Hey, don’t give me that! It’s called cream cheese for a reason, right?”

“Momma, can you help us find the shredded cheese?” April called out.

Carol slammed her book shut. Seriously? Now they asked for help? Without a word, she got up from the couch and walked over to the fridge. She found the cream cheese, some leftover food, and a few old vegetables that she would have to throw out later – but no cheese to put on a pizza. “I don’t think we have any, baby,” she said, shutting the fridge. “We used it all up when your daddy made lasagna last week, remember?”

“Well, chat, we tried,” Donnie said to no one in particular. “A for effort. F for execution.”

“Relax, guys, there’s a bodega two blocks down from here,” April said. “One or two of us can just go and buy some mozzarella real quick.”

“I’ll go if someone spots me the cash,” Raph said.

“I got some, bro,” said Donnie. “And I’ll go with.”

April quickly gave them directions to the bodega, then the two of them left without fanfare. Carol returned to the living room and began tidying it. Now that the kids were done making the dough, they weren’t going to have much trouble with making the rest of the pizza.

She was wrong.

She was so engrossed in doing chores that she wasn’t paying attention to whatever Mikey, Leo, and April were doing in the kitchen. Everything was relatively quiet until a loud slapping noise came from the kitchen and April yelled, “What?”

Thinking someone had gotten hurt, Carol rushed into the kitchen. “What is it, what happened?” she asked.

The three of them stared at the ceiling, mouths agape. Finally, she craned her neck upwards. Apparently, they had already tried shaping the dough into a pizza crust, because a flat, circle-shaped piece of dough now clung to the ceiling.

“Dang it, April,” Carol said, barely remembering not to curse in front of them. “I thought someone died.”

April had broken out into laughter. “Nah, we’re fine, Mom,” she said as she wiped a tear from her eyes.

“We’ll clean this up, ma’am,” Mikey said. “Don’t worry about us.”

Leo took out he phone and snapped a picture. “Note to self, never let Mike toss pizza dough again,” he said as he texted someone.

“Yeah? Well, I’m gonna blame Donnie for this,” Mikey said, wiping his hands clean. “He didn’t put enough olive oil or flour or something.”

“Well, I guess we need to get the pizza crust down now,” April said. “Do we have any chairs that are tall enough for us to reach that?”

Carol looked around. The ceilings weren’t that high, but none of them were particularly tall. Between the four of them, the tallest person was probably Leo, and he was only an inch taller than April. Even if they stood on a chair, it would be a reach to get the dough down. If her husband were there, or maybe even Raph…

“Don’t worry, we got this,” Mikey said. Suddenly, he jumped onto Leo’s shoulders.

“Be careful -!” Carol said, her instincts kicking in as she held up her hands to catch him if he fell.

“Momma, it’s okay,” April said, putting down her arms. “They do this kind of stuff all the time.”

Judging by how expertly Leo and Mikey kept their balance, she wasn’t kidding. Leo complained about how heavy Mikey was, but he didn’t even appear to break a sweat as he carefully walked to the spot where the pizza dough was stuck. “Do you guys have a spatula?” Mikey asked.

April fetched one from the kitchen and tossed it up to Mikey. He then slid the spatula between the dough and the ceiling.

“Wait a minute, Mikey, I think we should -” Leo began. He was cut off by the dough falling right onto his face.

“Oh, whoops. Sorry Leo. Maybe we should’ve planned for how we were gonna catch the dough, huh?” Mikey said. “Anyway, you were about to say?”

Leo peeled the dough from his face in pieces. “Never mind,” he mumbled.

“Aw, man, do we have to start over again?” April said.

Mikey hopped down from Leo’s shoulders with a graceful flip. “Looks like it,” he said.

“Ugh, baking a pizza shouldn’t be this hard!” Leo said. “How are we so bad at this?”

At that very moment, the door to the apartment swung open, and Raph and Donnie burst in. The rank smells of New York followed them inside. “We got some mozzarella, guys!” Donnie said, taking a bow. He tossed the shredded cheese to Mikey.

“Alright, guys! Coming in clutch with the cheese,” Mikey said.

Leo frowned. “Raph, is it you that smells bad? What happened, did you fall in a dumpster?”

Raph angrily swatted at the flies that buzzed around him. “Long story,” he said. “What about you, how come you got pizza dough on your face?”

“Long story.”

Carol offered to let Raph use their bathroom to wash himself off – and thankfully, he accepted. The other four immediately started on the pizza dough for a third time, working quicker than before now that they knew what to do. As they mixed the ingredients, Leo and Mikey caught Donnie up to speed on what had happened while they were running their errand.

Donnie then explained the trouble that he and Raph had gotten into. Apparently, they decided that running across the rooftops was quicker than running in the street, and on their way to the bodega, they had accidentally startled a flock of pigeons. These birds were unusually aggressive and decided to take their wrath out on Raph. During his futile fight them, he slipped off the edge of the roof and fell into a dumpster, just like Leo had guessed. Carol couldn’t figure out what was the most concerning part of the story, the fact that Raph had supposedly fallen about one hundred feet, or the fact that the boys considered parkouring over buildings a normal activity.

By the time Raph was done with his shower, his brothers had already shaped the dough and were fighting over the toppings to put on in. Eventually, they all settled for pepperoni. After placing the pizza in the over, the four of them hung around the living room and separately scrolled on their phones. It seemed that despite the turtles’ saving New York and their abilities to perform death-defying stunts, they were just like every other teenager at the end of the day. “So, April tells me that you all have never been to school before this year,” Carol said. “Were you all homeschooled before?”

“If you consider training extensively in martial arts homeschooling, then sure,” Raph said.

“After our dad figured out how to read, he taught us,” Donnie said. “Then we got our hands on some phones and a Wi-Fi router, and we taught ourselves a lot of stuff through the internet. So, I wouldn’t exactly say we’re homeschooled, per se. Self-taught would be more accurate.”

After their dad had figured out how to read? April had told Carol a lot about her four friends, but very little about their father. “Sounds like your dad is really something,” she said, careful not to make it obvious that she was prying for more information. “I mean, raising four boys couldn’t have been easy.”

“Probably not, but we do our best to stay out of trouble,” Leo said.

“I would love to meet him one day.”

The four turtles froze up and exchanged unreadable glances with each other. “Uh, sure, maybe we can arrange for that to happen,” Mikey said. “Sometime… in the distant future… maybe…”

Before Carol could continue the conversation, Leo stiffened. “Wait a minute, you guys,” he said. “How long has the pizza been in the oven?”

“I dunno, like, twenty minutes maybe?” Raph said.

“That seems a little long,” he said nervously. “Didn’t the recipe say we needed to bake it for only fifteen minutes?”

“Relax, ‘Nardo,” Mikey said. “I got a timer going, remember? We just need to wait for…” he looked down at his phone screen and the smile on his face dropped. Then he hid his face in his hands in shame. “Oh my God…” he muttered.

“What is it?” Donnie asked.

Mikey dropped his hands and looked up at his brothers. “First, I need everyone to be chill, okay? Everyone needs to be chill.”

Raph rolled his eyes. “What do we need to be chill for? Just tell us what happened.”

Mikey pressed his hands together and held them against his lips, as if thinking of the best way to deliver bad news. “I forgot to set the timer,” he said at last.

“You what?” Donnie squealed.

Leo and April scrambled to their feet and rushed into the kitchen. April hastily put on a pair of oven mitts while Leo opened the oven door. The other three turtles followed them and looked anxiously over their shoulders. Confusion settled on their faces as April pulled the pizza out of the oven. “Wait a minute, it’s still raw,” she said.

“How is that possible?” Donnie said. “It should be burnt by now.”

Frowning, Carol walked into the kitchen. If the oven had suddenly stopped working, then she was going to have to phone their landlord. She took one glance at the appliance and scoffed. “I know what the problem is here,” she said.

“You do?” April asked.

Carol reached up and pressed the button on the oven labeled “bake.” It immediately whirred to life and gave off warmth.

“Oh. Thanks, Mrs. O’Neil,” Leo said awkwardly.

“Don’t mention it,” she said. She couldn’t believe these kids were smart enough to teach themselves various things from the internet, but too dumb to remember to turn on the oven before putting the pizza in.

In a few minutes, the savory smell of a hot pepperoni pizza filled the apartment. The turtles eagerly took it out of the oven, and before it even had the chance to cool down, they had cut it and each took a slice in their hands. They took a bite of pizza and chewed in silence.

“Hm. I thought this would taste better than it turned out,” Mikey said.

“Yeah, isn’t everything supposed to taste better when it’s homemade?” Donnie said.

April whistled. “That bad, huh?”

“It’s not even bad, it’s just aggressively mid,” Raph said.

Leo put down his slice. “Well, I think we all learned something from this, and it’s that we’re never doing this again.” His brothers mumbled their agreements and finished the rest of their slices. “Okay, how ‘bout it, boys?” he said, wiping his hands clean. “I’ve got ten bucks on me. Want to order some pizza?"

[datadegroove]

that's what the kids call epic fail - saul after hearing about everything that i ever did in my life

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 2 1999 Alternative Rock / Adult Contemporary / Pop-Rock / Teen Pop / Pop / R&B / Hip Hop

Back with another dispatch from the early run of the US' Now That's What I Call Music!, with the second installment from this gargantuan, neverending series. Take yourself all the way back to 1999 with this great ad for it!

Now, I definitely have not kept up with Now for a long while, but as a series that's known for repackaging huge chart hits on CD, I think this might have been its most unique volume of all, because a lot of these songs did not end up charting all that high in the US—at least not on Billboard's Hot 100—and a number of them actually fared far, far better in the UK, which is where Now originated from, with its first ever release dating back to 1983.

A prime example here is Robbie Williams' great pop hit, "Millennium." Williams is regarded as an absolute pop superstar in the UK, but he's only charted twice as a solo act on the Hot 100 in the US, and both of those singles have failed to reach the top 50. This one, which pairs recreated dreamy strings from James Bond's You Only Live Twice theme with a hip hop-type backbeat, only made it to #78, but it was a #1 hit across the pond! And I think outside of all that well-made, Swedish-produced teen pop/boy band fare, this one very well might've been the best pure pop song of the entire late 90s. The use of those epic Bond strings smacks of The Verve's "Bitter Sweet Symphony" too, which certainly suggests that there's something about Brits and those damn strings.

And another #1 UK smash that didn't do nearly as well in the States was Fatboy Slim's irresistible big beat summer classic, "Praise You," which sampled from a lot of different places, including a Disney disco record, a JBL test album to get those iconic keys, Steve Miller Band, the Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids theme, and a song by Chicagoan Camille Yarbrough called "Take Yo' Praise," from which Fatboy Slim took the lyrics. There was a whole undercurrent of this big beat stuff that was coursing through a lot of our commercials and movie and video game soundtracks back then, led by acts like Fatboy Slim himself, the Chemical Brothers, and The Prodigy. But it never went super mainstream like it did in the UK. Fatboy Slim's singles only charted twice in the US on the Hot 100, and "Praise You" was the best-performing one, making it to #36.

By the way, I have a really killer turn-of-the-millennium-type summer playlist on Spotify that has a bunch of songs like "Praise You" on it. It's called "An Endless Capri Sun or Juicyfruit or Starburst Commercial From Like the Summer of 2002," which will hopefully give you an idea of the type of vibe that I was trying to channel with it. God, I love that sun-shining big beat stuff!

And color me surprised to hear Jay-Z on here, because until 2001, Now pretty much seemed to purposely go out of its way to avoid hip hop altogether. I guess it makes sense though, since the music usually has explicit themes, and these albums are typically targeted at kids. But they really just couldn't help themselves when it came to Jay-Z's first real, true breakout hit in "Hard Knock Life" here. Mark the 45 King's novel sampling of the song of the same name from Annie made this one feel very kid-friendly and fun to sing along to, despite the numerous lyrics that had to be censored from it to get it on radio in the first place. Funny, though, that in a very American 90s way, and in a pre-onset-of-mass-shootings era, that they'd let a line like, "when my situation ain't improvin', I'm tryina’ murder everything movin'" slide through without any kind of edit. I mean, if they're playing this song on radio now, I'm thinking that that line gets hit with some kind of sound effect. But it didn't in '98 and '99, and that feels pretty remarkable in hindsight, especially since hip hop verses were constantly censored on radio, MTV, and BET, so much so that some songs felt like the track was getting jammed up at certain points 😅.

So, honestly, this might be the most unique release that Now ever put out in its main US series, as it seems to be the volume that's the least concerned with overall chart success among its selections. It still comes with some staples you'd expect, from Britney's "...Baby One More Time" to Everclear's "Father of Mine," effectively running a small radio gamut from the poppiest of pop to the most banal of alternarock, but acts like Robbie Williams, Fatboy Slim, Garbage, and even Cake are on here, and as an entity that's chiefly known for presenting the *biggest* pop hits of the day, those are probably some names that you wouldn't typically expect to be on a US release from this series.

And it closes with that odd Baz Luhrmann spoken-word advice column about wearing sunscreen that you might have totally forgotten about too. That one's probably the most ephemeral song of all on here; the ultimate entry in any sort of 'only 90s kids will remember these songs' type of list.

Hopefully you get a sweet memory-jogged nostalgia rush from some of these other songs I didn’t make mention of.

Highlights:

Britney Spears - "...Baby One More Time" New Radicals - "You Get What You Give" Robbie Williams - "Millennium" Semisonic - "Closing Time" U2 - "The Sweetest Thing (Single Mix)" Fatboy Slim - "Praise You (Radio Edit)" Garbage - "I Think I'm Paranoid" Cake - "Never There" 98° - "Because of You" Mýa & Blackstreet feat. Ma$e & Blinky Blink - "Take Me There" Everclear - "Father of Mine" Sublime - "What I Got (Clean Version)" Backstreet Boys - "I'll Never Break Your Heart" Jay-Z - "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) (Edit)" Baz Luhrmann - "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) (Edit)"

[voteformightyclocks]

Rebels Season 1 Rewatch

Let's start off with Rebels being an awesome show. It was a major part of my life ever since I was 14 (which was when Season 3 came out), and I remember actively checking the library website daily when Season 4 came out, desperate to reserve it or get on the waitlist for it as early as possible. It was the first show I was immensely invested in, and as such it holds a special place in my heart. So, I decided to (FINALLY) rewatch it after all these years, and wow am I not disappointed

I've always defended Season 1, saying it's not as bad as people say. Sure, it's got a lot of issues, and it's definitely not the best Rebels has to offer, but it's at least good. I think I underappreciated it last time I watched it though. The show is clumsy, but only because it fails to balance being a kids show with being a deep show with complex themes like the Clone Wars did. Each individual episode was good, everything built up to a satisfying finale, and characters were fleshed out really well. I can't really complain too much about it because quite frankly, it's only fault is experimenting and trying to be something amazing

But, there are two changes I would make to Season 1 if I got to redo it. And it's worth noting that neither would change the overarching plotline, and most episodes would remain as-is, they're more minor changes that would've had a much stronger impact

Ezra Isn't Kanan's First Padawan

This is the biggest change I would make. Kanan has renewed hope by the start of Season 1, and he's fighting hard, so it would've been cool if we had the show hinting at a former padawan prior to Ezra. In Episode 10 "Path of the Jedi" when Yoda and Kanan talk, have Kanan admit he's scared of failing Ezra like he failed his other padawan. Leave the other padawan's fate ambiguous of course, so you could potentially bring them back. Likely as an Inquisitor for the Ahsoka show so that you don't have to use an animated suit of Inquisitor armor. This would add so much depth to Kanan's pain and trauma, and it would add a lot of gravity to Ezra's training for older audiences, but for kids it would just be a cool fun fact about Kanan's past

2. Kanan Taps Into The Dark Side

In Episode 15, we get the finale, "Fire Across the Galaxy". Ezra saves Kanan, and the two end up facing off against the Grand Inquisitor. This is an epic Star Wars battle, and it shows off the Grand Inquisitor's power, as he defends against opponents on either side of him. He gives Ezra his iconic cheek scars and knocks him off the platform. Ezra's fine, of course, but Kanan (and maybe a couple of audience members? But that's a stretch lol) believes Ezra was killed.

K: "That was a mistake." GI: "Why? Because you have no one else to die for you?" K: "No, because I have nothing left to fear."

EPIC leadup to Kanan tapping into the Dark Side, but instead the show squanders their opportunity. Kanan is stronger than ever in the Light Side, and instead of the Grand Inquisitor being killed in a fair fight at his full power, he's killed by his own failure to recognize the flaw in his lightsaber design. It feels unsatisfying when rewatching it. I wish Kanan tapped into the Dark Side, calling upon it for power, and using it to destroy the Grand Inquisitor. I wish Ezra witnessed that, and saw the darkness within Kanan, yet still chose to learn from him. It could be a cautionary tale for Ezra, who now understands what the Dark Side is, and in early Season 3 when Ezra taps into the Dark Side himself, and when he talks to Kanan about it, have him say something like "I understand why you used it. It makes sense now" or something

Conclusion

Rebels Season 1 is amazing and heavily underrated, but it fails to balance it's themes efficiently, which pushes more mature audiences away and damages the show way more than it should

If you have yet to watch Rebels Season 1, please give it a chance, and continue on to the end of Season 4

[kustas]

would love to know why you didnt like pandora hearts because ive been recommended it a ton

In short, it's a lot of subjective reasons. I'll make a list.

The writing style: Stories can be more or less high stakes, more or less complex, more or less fucked up, among other things. I tend to prefer them low stake, simple and messed up. Nothing hits me harder than a weird ass story about normal people set in a tiny slice of their life. Pandora Hearts is the opposite of this.

The plot: there is constantly so much shit going on. Plot twists nearly every two chapters rearrange constantly the already complex organisation of factions, alliances, and lore. It's all over the place, very high in drama and was to me incomprehensible. This is mostly delivered by high stakes action scenes or infodump monologues or both at once. If you manage to register the amount of information needed for the plot good luck because it's constantly debunked. Jesse what the fuck are you talking about

The characters: they all fall in the category of what I like to call gimmick characters. They are defined by a small number of exaggerated traits, and as a result really do not act "normally". I find that this cheapens scenes who hinge on the characters themselves, their relationships and personalities and whatnot. It's hard to have a strong impact when your characters don't register like people, imo. On the contrary rare moments where their writing is more subtle work best. It's a shame because in the multiple gag comics included in the volume releases it's obvious the author cares a great bunch about the cast and has them developed as individuals.

The art: art style itself is very typically manga, delicate linework, those thin characters with big eyes and fluffy bangs. Victorian England is a major inspiration especially children's media of the time, Alice in wonderland being the major one. It's a fantasy setting that doesn't care about historical accuracy so it's less victorian and more the goth kid's version of victorian. Unfortunately I don't care about that at all. It's not ugly, just not my thing. But I can't call the art technically impressive either.

The translation: this is...not the fault of the manga. I read the official english translation who is straight up painful. All honorifics were kept. Language level is casual despite a cast of high ranking fancy ass nobles, barring one character who straight up speaks classic english. The subjective side of this is that i much prefer translations that stray away from the literal meaning to show their own take on the vibe. The objective side of this is that it's "kyaaah, protagonist-kun is such a silly tsundere(*see footnotes)" levels of literal. Unfortunately I am not exaggerating here while this isn't taken straight from the manga it actually is like this

TLDR: it's the opposite of what I like in stories, in comics, in manga. It's an overcomplicated mess based on aesthetics I don't like who's writing style fails at packing the punches it wants to achieve. Kingdom Hearts school of fantasy epics

[bread--quest]

hi I would like your thoughts on eve mcblase

oh yeah i still have a bunch of those "say the name of a character and i'll tell you a bunch of stuff i just made up about them" asks in my inbox. welp! best time to answer an ask is when you get it, second best time is.....weeks later

eve mcblase hours!!!

-clone. created by...the spies?? the league? not sure. the spies never told eve where she came from and she never asked.

-not a very....good clone. epic cloning attempt fail. came out kind of goopy and not exactly human. human shaped at least but for a while she couldn't even maintain that shape all the time.

-puts up a front of being evil and mean and not caring what other people think most of the time. it's...somewhat effective. almost no one has ever actually been intimidated by her but she's definitely made people not want to be around her! which unfortunately creates this self-fulfilling prophecy of "people don't like me -> pretend i don't care and be evil -> this makes people not like me -> continue acting like i don't care". :(

-however!! if she is in a place or with someone where she doesn't feel like she has to put on that front, eve is actually very enthusiastic and bubbly (although she'd probably resent being called bubbly). very much like that tumblr post that's like "ehehe!!! i giggle and kick my legs while thinking of violence" and "girl writing in her diary with a pink glitter gel pen but she's just writing 'violence and killing and killing and violence' over and over again". but like the violence is cartoon violence? filled with joyous whimsy even if the joyous whimsy is mostly about explosions

-peridot stevenuniverse energy. like a lot.

-did Not like being on the spies. doesn't really like to think about her time on the spies at all. doesn't hold a grudge against any of the players (anymore), but still gets twitchy even if they're just going to houston for an away game

-not really sure what evelton the original thought of her. thinks of her? she never really talked to him. tried to avoid it as much as she could, actually. only kind of regrets it now

-loved the mechanics, a lot. made friends, built all sorts of rube goldberg contraptions, became wanted for numerous counts of osha violation, felt wanted for the first time in maybe her whole life. (aside from being wanted for the crimes. that's a different thing.) however at the end of season 17 the mechanics had the worst record in the league and eve felt like she was dragging them down and she didn't want to do that. so she left.

-while on the lift evelton mcblase ii got swept elsewhere for i think the first time ever? except for one incident where she returned in the same game. anyway they were swept and flipped negative and during their time Elsewhere they had a lot of time to think. and the thought they emerged with was "hmm. what if i was a girl."

-(it is important to Me Personally that eve is like "yeah i was a boy at one point but maybe not really and then later i was a girl". however she is very insistent that gender aside she has never been evelton mcblase)

-the mills are the first team since the mechanics that she stays with for multiple seasons :,) they are important to her because they make her deal with the consequences of her actions but also make it clear that those consequences will not be "we stop wanting you around". if you put eels in the hudson river we will force you to learn about the ecosystem of the hudson river and work to correct the damage you have done but you will still have a room in the apartment and we will still want you to be here. excuse me i made myself cat crying emoji

-likes brecken broken ridge a lot, is taking surprisingly well to being a theater kid. has complicated feelings about there now being no evelton mcblase around for anyone to compare her to. she got her wish: she's just eve, and there's no other her. and that's...good, right?

-final and most important thing: during her time on the mills eve regularly goes down to wall street and does this. with the voice and everything

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

David Horsey, The Seattle Times

* * * *

Great democracies don't fail when they are tested. We haven't before, and we won't this time either.

LUCIAN K. TRUSCOTT IV

DEC 7, 2023

Have you ever thought about the role guilt has played in our national life?  It’s not omnipresent, it’s certainly not felt by everyone, most especially those sinned against, but I would say guilt rivals pride as the thing that has most motivated us.  Think about it for a moment.  The founding of this country wasn’t an immaculate birth – for one thing, there wasn’t a Founding Mother among all those long-heralded Founding Fathers, and one of the two greatest mistakes they made the day they came to an agreement on our founding document was what they left out.  They didn’t award women full citizenship, and they failed to deal in any way with the sin of slavery.

But an important portion of what makes America exceptional is how we have endeavored to fix our mistakes.  We have yet to make adequate amends to the Native Americans who were here before we were and were systematically murdered and kidnapped and abused as this country spread West before and after its founding.  But in fits and starts, we’ve been trying – some of us have, anyway – to make amends. 

Out of the frying pan of the abject mistake of slavery and into the fire of the Civil War went our first attempt to deal with what we may as well call our founding errors.   It took a century that included decades of Reconstruction and Jim Crow and tens of thousands of dead black bodies and burned-down churches and homes and seized land and wealth until the moral clarity and power of the Civil Rights Era forced us as a nation to begin to repair the damage we had done to our fellow citizens who were Black.  Even then, the passage of the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Act faced massive resistance.  Laws against segregation had to be enforced in some cases by armed soldiers to be carried out in schools and colleges in the South.  We stumbled through fights over busing in cities like Boston and neighborhoods like Canarsie.  White flight from cities across the nation – Detroit and Baltimore among them – damaged tax bases, hurt schools, and let’s not forget the continuing PTSD of having been on the receiving end of the racism behind it all.  How would you like to have been a Black family that moved into a white neighborhood anywhere – South, North, East, or West – and watched the “For Sale” signs go up around you and the schools to which you sent your kids nearly empty of white kids?

And we must not forget what this country did to its women.  It took until 1920 and the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution for women to get the right to vote.  That is more than 130 years that women were what is commonly called second class citizens in this country.  But I would go further:  the everyday work of women was used to build this country. By giving birth to new citizens, women, alongside immigrants, created the population that made possible the formation of territories and then the new states that would comprise the United States of America – all 50 of them.  When men went off to war, women stepped up and did every single job a man had done in their place.  And what did they get in return?  For decades, a one-way ticket back to the kitchen and the nursery.  Women had to start an entire new movement, the Women’s Movement, to begin the long process of realizing some modicum of equality with men in the workplace and in the home, and as we all know, it’s not finished.  Women earned 57 cents for every dollar earned by men in 1969.  Today, the gap has closed to women’s 80 cents for every male dollar, but jeez, 23 cents over 54 years?  That’s an improvement of only a half-cent a year.

It would take a lengthy book to discuss gender inequality in the eyes of the law.  Before the Women’s Movement made rape an issue with the publication of Susan Brownmiller’s epic “Against Our Will:  Men, Women and Rape” published in 1975, complaints by women that they were raped were often brushed aside by police and prosecutors.  It took decades for laws to be passed against using women’s sexual history against them in rape cases.  Women are still dealing with inequality on college campuses on countless grounds – how charges of harassment and abuse are dealt with, inequities in sports, inequities in employment of women by colleges and universities.  And practically every time women have thought they have secured a right they have fought for and won, it is either challenged or taken away altogether, the right to abortion being the prime example.

We have made great strides in the rights of LGBTQ people, but with the right wing attacking trans people and forbidding the teaching of LGBTQ books in schools, we’re not finished.  We’re not finished with any of it – with how we treat Native Americans, Blacks and other minorities, how we treat women, how we treat immigrants…we could go on and on and on. 

The only people who haven’t been crapped on in the 236 years of our history are white Christian males, and now with God only knows how much of the nation’s wealth and land, they are whining about being discriminated against by the people on whose shoulders they have been standing, if not stomping further into the ground.

We have been tested before and found wanting, but as a people, we have found a way to rally and at least attempt to overcome the problems we have faced since our founding.  Often the tests we face boil down to politics, because within the political process has lain the solutions we have found, often by enacting laws to forbid the bad and elevate the good. 

We are being tested yet again.  The Republican Party, which was once the party that stood against slavery and for equality, has made an about-face on so many issues, it’s hard to list them, but race, equal rights for women, gay rights, immigrant rights, and equality of economic opportunity are certainly among them.  And now they have chosen a leader, and even elected him president for one term, who not only wants to turn back the clock of progress on so many of the things that have made this country a shining light to the world, he wants to destroy the democracy that has haltingly, imperfectly, but steadily made progress possible. 

What I’m here to tell you today is this:  look back at the long and often difficult history of our country.  Almost all of these things that have been problems since the day of our founding are still with us in some measure, but we have accomplished the end of our original sin of slavery and we are at least still trying to make amends for the original sin of the slaughter of the people here on this continent before us who are now our fellow citizens.  We’ve done the same with the other people and issues I have cited here.  We must look at the victories we achieved in these fights with pride and renewed determination to overcome what stands before us in the next election.

He is one man.  He may lead a movement, but it’s a movement that has lost the fights we fought to get where we are.  He, and they, are not the future.  They represent the dead, rotting flesh of our disreputable past, the awful instincts of man to which we first had to admit guilt and then find a way to put behind us. 

I am telling you that if you look back at our accomplishments as a people, you will see our democracy is stronger than maybe we have been thinking.  We keep hearing that our democracy is under threat, but our democracy has been threatened before. We defeated Hitler and Hirohito and saved the world from a monstrous end, just for starters.  We are strong.  We have united in the face of adversity before.  It’s not all of us who will rally in defense of our democracy this time, but so what?  It wasn’t the entire nation who rallied behind Civil Rights, either, but we did it, and we can do it again, not with guns and bombs but with our ideas and our ideals and our votes.  There are more of us than there are of them.  Remember that.

[Lucian Truscott Newsletter]

[cyarskj1899]

They weren’t blind. They dgaf about black and bipoc folks as always

They weren't blind. They didn't care. They had a negative bias against them because of their race. It was so obvious when they didn't even bother to investigate the incident with the 14 year old boy. They just handed him back to Dahmer despite the neighbor giving them valid reasoning for her concern. There was probable cause to investigate the situation and they didn't do a damn thing 💔

I think the police are just as guilty as Jeff and should have got jail time . So many lives would have been saved

When the Judge told Jeffrey that he reminded him of his grandson and proceeded to reduce his sentence to nearly nothing I was over it 😠 Yeah f that judge Let's not forget the judge who let him go after sexually assaulting a minor 🙄

It’s true. Police looked the other way when they could have stopped Dahmer from killing more if they had just listened to the calls. They were warned. What a disgrace. Epic fail.

I can't imagine living next to Jeff. The smell. The sounds, the screams…. and no one would come.

And to have no where to go. Heart breaking all around. The ptsd of the neighbors who once lived in the apartment

Thirty years later and I'm still too angry about their ineptitude and willful ignorance to laugh at stuff like this. It's not like Dahmer was stealing bags of money from a vault or some shyt. No, then he'd have definitely been on the polices radar. Seventeen missing men and boys just didn't pique their fkn interests, I guess. Ntm the victims that he drugged and assaulted, however many there are. Unfortunately, there are ppl who would've been too ashamed and traumatised to come forward. The judicial system did no better, basically slapping Jeffrey on the wrist for an assault on a MINOR. Yes, we wouldn't want to potentially ruin his life. Forget the kid who will now have to deal with the awful impact it has on their life. White and wealthy wins out every time. It's only when faced with the horrific and plentiful evidence that Tracy LED THEM TO, that they were forced into doing anything at all.

I'm just glad dahmer got killed in prison by a fellow inmate who was also black but to be honest, shame he wasnt properly caught in the first place and ended up on death row