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imperator-titus · 3 months ago

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Ghost from the Past [Part 4]

Oh lord here we go again

I have actually been unsure of the real order of things, this has more been the order of what "feels right" and doesn't adhere too closely to the in-game progression (and also, for now, I did not cross-reference in-game conversations with lines I wrote). I feel like I'm jamming too much into Act 1? But Act 1 feels like an open wound, Act 2 is actually addressing the wound, and Act 3 is stitching them closed. This story has very much been opening a wound lol

Reminder that I'll start a tag list if someone wants! And please send me any questions or comments on the story (or other stuff) if you want because I am bored/lonely. Anyway hope you enjoy!

(Prev)[Part 3] (Next)[Part 5] [Master Post]

[gif by silverformymonsters]

It was late and Eletha was already most of the way through a bottle of liquor by the time she got to Gale. He was admiring an image of a woman he'd conjured.

“Mystra?” She asked, trying to not sound too sure of her answer.

“Ah! I didn't notice you.” He dismissed the image. “I was just… practicing.”

“Mmm. Secret’s safe with me.” She smiled at him, just a little mocking but full of fondness, like she found a child doing something a little naughty but harmless.

“Elves have a strong connection to the Weave. What is your experience with it, if you don't mind me asking?”

Eletha opened her mouth, but snapped it shut. The first thing that came to her mind was dark and… deeply personal. After a moment of contemplation, wherein Gale did not miss how she had to push the dark thoughts away, she smiled. “I have a wizard friend, we’ve been on a few adventures. Gave me my magic eye. He actually taught me some spells, but… I haven't been quite able to… get to them, so to speak.”

“Ah, that explains why you are so adept at handling my peculiarities,” he said with a chuckle and a smile. “Here, let us experience the Weave together.”

Magic surrounded them in a comforting embrace.

Gale felt that comfort, until it was replaced by flashes of memories that didn’t belong to him.

Elven faces, angered, weeping, blissful. They were somehow familiar and monstrous at the same time, distorted by their expressions. His skin was not his own, it felt more like a tight suit suffocating his body that no longer belonged to him.

A sensation cut through. Terrible, terrifying, transfixing. He’d known it before, briefly. Elminster insisted he knew how it felt to be dominated by magic before he used it on another. That horrible feeling of looking through his eyes but being unable to connect thought to action, limbs and tongue at someone else’s control.

A pervading feeling of loneliness, isolation. A loss of self.

Guilt.

A sound escaped his lips. A gasp? A strangled cry?

A hand squeezed his. He looked over to Eletha only to see an apology in her eyes. She realized Gale had seen her thoughts in that moment. Perhaps she’d seen his.

“Let me show you my favorite things,” she said softly, reassuring, and that feeling of comfort washed over him once more.

He is floating in a milky-blue pool and it is effortless and the water is the same temperature as his skin, it is as if he is hovering in mid-air.

There is not a single cloud in the sky and there are more stars than he ever thought possible. Someone is sitting beside him, delicately experimenting with their lute, and he can just barely make out their friendly discussion.

Standing high on a mountain range, he looks out on Faerun, its splendor laid out before him. He can make out his home, places he’s been, places he wishes to see. The air is sharp and crisp, it hurts but it makes him feel alive. The unspoilt white snow is hard on the eyes, but it is beautiful and makes him giddy.

A young man is intently focused on his face, pink tongue stuck out between his lips, tapping his filtrum in concentration. He’s suddenly aware that his vision wasn’t complete as things become blurry and then bleed into focus. The young man smiles, nervous and proud at the same time, and he thinks that, it is so hard to open his heart to humans. Their lives are so bright and brief, yet they could be so beautiful and warm. He offers up a prayer that this one will be around a while longer, because he is sweet and stupid and brilliant. His heart opens just a little and he hopes that it isn’t a mistake.

Rain patters down around him as he sits under the protection of a decrepit roof. With the iconography, some shattered, others overgrown, it was likely a temple of some sort. Beside him sits a figure, robed in black. Its hood is cast back, revealing a beautiful woman. Much too beautiful. He’s impressed and enticed, and a little jealous. She lifts a delicate teacup to her blood-red lips and takes a sip. He tells a joke and her eyes, red and full of laughter, leave their little fire and look at him. She laughs, revealing long fangs, and it is probably the most honest laughter he’s ever heard.

He is alone, but he is not lonely. He stands in a field of flowers, watching a herd of animals graze. One comes up to him and he offers his hand to be inspected. It licks his fingers and demands the fruit from his pack. This will be his new companion.

Faces and scenes flicker across his vision. So many cobblers to repair his boots. His fingers are rough and calloused. The young man, with gray in his hair and beard, teaches him magic and he feels like a child again, thrilled by the Weave using him as a conduit.

He is keenly aware that he cannot solve every problem, but he will solve the ones he can. He will never make up for things he’s done, but he will not let that stop him from doing some good.

Eletha’s hand left his and the magic bled away back into the Weave.

Gale had to come up with his own words and feelings now. As articulate and witty as he was, he was failing to find the right way to express himself. There was a pain in his chest, nostalgia for a life he hadn’t lived. He placed his hand on his chest. “Thank you… For sharing that with me.”

Eletha offered him a subdued smile. “When this is all over, I thought I could accompany you back to Waterdeep. You know, to keep you out of trouble.”

He was a little stunned. “That would be… Yes, I think that would be a grand idea.”

Eletha owed Shadowheart a bottle of wine and a chat, but on her way, she stopped at Astarion’s tent. He was ‘looking’ at himself in a mirror and undoubtedly smirking to himself as he watched her walk over.

“Spying is rude,” she said with a little humor. He huffed as he let his hand fall to his side and twirled around to face her.

“I’m just making sure my long-lost love doesn’t get lost in another’s eyes,” he cooed, mischief in his eyes, a wicked smirk playing on his lips. Eletha snorted.

“That’s quite the imagination you have. Writing our wedding vows for us? What flowers will we be using?”

“You’re cute for an old hag.” For a split second, Astarion panicked and tried to formulate a way to brush the insult off, but then Eletha let out a small laugh and all was well. “I was just thinking about… how I’ve forgotten what I look like. Or what I used to look like. Just another thing Cazador took from me.”

“I’m sure the others would share if you asked. You know, use the tadpoles.” Astarion sighed wistfully.

“But they don’t know me like you do. They don’t… love me,” he explained very carefully. “To be seen through a lover’s eyes?”

“I don’t think I see you the way other people see you.” Eletha sounded almost… regretful of this fact.

“What, am I monstrous? A vicious vampire in a children’s story book?” he asked with a strained laugh. He actually did worry that it could be the case. It was good to be feared, there was power in fear… but he didn’t want to be feared by her. In a low voice, not quite sultry, but just as inviting, he pleaded, “I want to know what you see. I want to be… seen.”

Eletha hesitated. She looked down at their feet in contemplation. Her throat was already raw from her moment with Gale. This would hurt, open the old wound further, but a wise woman once told her that the wound wouldn’t fully heal until she opened it all the way and scrapped out the rot. She had to run towards the danger, or else it would follow her forever.

Astarion felt his tadpole squirm and tingle again, but this time she didn’t stop the connection. He relaxed and let whatever she wanted to share with him come into his mind’s eye.

He was in an elven caravan, littered with all kinds of things, like way too many boots and shirts of varying fashions, knives that had no business being unsheathed on the floor, threatening to take off a toe. He sighed in frustration, but it wasn’t his voice, as he picked up some items and threw them out of his path.

A young man sat at a mirror, trying to tie up his hair in just the right way with a ribbon.

“I think the humans have a story about the dangers of staring at your reflection all day,” he said in Eletha’s voice in a mix of annoyance and gentle ribbing.

“Lori, you fool, we must strive for perfection in all things,” the young man said to her in a haughty tone. Finally satisfied with his look, he flashed a grin at her. Astarion was struck by how… natural it looked. “Tell me what you think.”

“So beautiful, they’ll be throwing money at us.” The young man beamed. Eletha sighed and shook her head. “I’ll have to protect your pretty face with my body. It would be a crime against the gods to scar such loveliness.”

With an audible snap, his vision cracked down the middle and distorted into two very similar but obviously different images.

On the right was the young man, smiling and laughing. His white hair was lustrous and bouncy, cascading from his head in a waterfall of curls that he tamed with a ribbon. His skin was pale and slightly blue, but flushed on the cheeks and ears. His golden eyes were round and bright, full of life and mischief and love. His voice was light and playful. The light of the caravan seemed to radiate from him like a halo.

The left vision was dark and discomforting. This figure, at first glance, wasn’t much different. With how jovial the young one was, it was no surprise that his face was graced with laugh lines. However, there was no humor about this one. His hair, while still curly and white, was dull and dampened in comparison. His skin was even paler, almost gray, and lacked the subtle glow that gave his younger counterpart vibrance. His body language was guarded, tense, like a wary animal. From under lowered eyebrows glared a pair of red eyes, sharp and narrow, lifeless. When he spoke, his voice was dark and hard, on the edge of a snarl with plenty of bite to go with his sharp teeth.

“You would do that for me, darling?” the two said in unison. In camp, Astarion could feel the connection attempt to sever, but something held it firmly in place.

“You would look good with some scars,” the young one said, only a little bit teasing, his smile dazzling. “Like a real adventurer! Each scar a story.”

“I have scars of my own, with stories that would make your hair fall out.” The older one grinned, it was a joke, but there was no laughter, no good intent. It was a wolf’s smile, full of threat. The grin dropped just as suddenly as it appeared and was replaced by a sneer. “Look what you did to me! You abandoned me and now what am I? A monster. You have no idea what it feels like, to lose everything, to belong to someone else.”

Eletha tried to speak, but it came out as mangled sounds of disagreement and anguish. He felt the tadpole lash as she tried even harder to stop their connection.

His vision cracked once more into more slivers, each holding an elven face that he just barely couldn’t recognize. They looked down their noses at him, full of judgment and revulsion. His heart clenched with guilt. They spoke over one another in a flurry of insults and remarks, all decrying in some way, “How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us? Abandon us? Have you no heart?”

Astarion felt the world fall out from under his feet as the tadpole finally broke the connection. When he came to his senses, Eletha was touching his cheek. He swatted her hand away, the sensation of it overwhelming, but he soon wished it back. Instead of asking for her to do it again, or grabbing her hand and holding it to his face, he glared.

“What is wrong with you?” he spat at her. Eletha’s eyes went wide, then lowered to the ground.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see that. I-I just wanted to show you how beautiful you are,” she managed to say around a tightness in her throat. Without further explanation, which she was probably incapable of offering, she fled in the direction of Shadowheart’s tent.

Astarion huffed to himself. He barely had the capacity for introspection, now the waters were muddied by someone else’s perceptions of him. Did his old love think he was a monster, or did she think he thought himself a monster?

No wonder Cazador snatched him from death’s grip. No wonder Eletha fell in love with him.

No wonder he lured thousands of people to their deaths.

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bubble4u · 2 years ago

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Hiiiii I'm back 👉👈 I wanna ask about the polyship on what type of parent they are??

Hello uhh hands anon??? We'll work on that lol

Idk if you want HC or short drabbles..... soooo por que no los dos!! (why not both). Also side note when I say their kids I'm meaning ALL the kids taijus,souths, mitsuyas combined.

Taiju: pure definition of a somewhat busy parent everytime you see him he's taking a call, he's answering a message or he looking over stuff. Now he's by no means neglectful so anytime there's a parent teacher conference he's going, every good grade he'll praise every bad grade he'll go over stuff so that way next time itll come easy, he wants to be a proactive parent cause his father sure as hell wasnt.

Just.... not the open houses cause by God if he's gotta meet another teacher who is either scared of him or trying to get something out of him hes staying home.

"Taiju shiba! You cannot make me go alone to the open house again!" you were trying to get your foot in your sneaker, frustrated at the blue haired male lack of somewhat decent clothing for the open house that was in the next hour. Taiju looked up from a packet he was reading seeing the piles of papers on his desk you knew it was gonna be a late night "you seemed to have forgotten the other two who share a bed with us love" "you know what i mean shiba every year you stay home and every year I get a call from the office cause of the tall man wandering off with our kids" he sighs rubbing his temple's "yeah and half the time it's cause tereno is trying to get the children to leave school early". You crossed your arms glaring dagger into his resting face, he sighed "please love I don't wanna go ok? Every year it's the same thing and last year I was close to pulling our kids out of the school" you bit your bottom lip remembering how one of the parents from the PTA mother kept pestering mitsuya for a "favor" in exchange they'd helped your child get into being their clubs president. You put your hands up in surrender "ok tai I hear ya but please don't forget to submit your ID into the front office so they know who you are" "so am I dad one or dad two?? Or am i bumped to three" he smirks watching you roll your eyes heading out of his home office.

South: he not like a regular dad he's a cool dad 🤣 he tries so hard to be a cool dad wanna be with the hip kids (his son cringes). Even though he wants to not only be his kids friend he knows there's a line, he will attend the meetings and the open houses but do not call him if say his kid was in a fight ESPECIALLY if it's one they didn't start and finished victorious he'll be too proud to not show it "that's my future heavy weight champion carrying on the name already" let's just say gave major side eye.

You turned the page, situating yourself again while trying your best to not annoying mitsuya as you laid your head in his lap. His cell phone started to buzz and not caring to look he answered "this is takashi" you turned your attention to the one sided conversation, mitsuya face turned from concerned to trying his best to keep in a laugh "yes ma'am that is their father". Book now forgotten yiu couldn't help but muffle in your laugh as well "yes ma'am I understand the form says I and Mr shiba are a parent as well" "yes well if you want we can go into detail on HOW we know the child tereno is picking up is his child" you covered your face you're not gonna survive if this keeps up "well I assure you ma'am my partners will be made more aware next time we fill out the forms granted we never had problem before" "Alright thank you". After he hung up he could see your shaking figure, you both looked at each other and just laughed "be prepared south may call to tell you about today they must've hired some new staff" you nodded.

Mitsuya: I don't wan a call him a helicopter parent.... but he's a helicopter/gentle parent he's gonna be there when he can and when he can't he's always reassures them that even though he's not there for the plays or sports games he knows that you did your best and that he's proud of them. He's another who LOATHES open houses on that particular day he's like a monk and will take a vow of silence and just ignore anyone who isn't important, he's dealt with his fair share of moms and dads either trying to get something out of him or wanting something from his partners. He is another who would wanna pick up the kids early just to go somewhere fun.

#tokyo revengers #taiju shiba #tokyo revengers taiju #south terano #taiju x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #mitsuya takashi #south headcannons #tr south #tokrev mitsuya #taiju headcanons

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skoulsons · 1 year ago

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hello sorry im still thinking and it’s nearing midnight which means Emotion TM and Rot TM o’clock

this is about ahsoka because I’m incapable of having any other thoughts about anything

also im sorry this is. so long. my Rot never sleeps nor does it care about the word count

Thinking about the “Shin, release her.” “Shin.” But also their relationship in general

Now, we don’t know how long Shin has been with Baylan. I’m not aware of any sort of timeline for how long someone stays as a ‘padawan’ (though, yes, baylan and shin aren’t jedi and aren’t following it the typical way), but shin could be with him for 5+ years at this point. Or maybe just 2 or less, we don’t know.

But what I find so interesting is the trust that’s there. Back in the first episode, Morgan sends Shin to Lothal on her command. Shin is like… master what. And baylan reassures her and tells her to go to Lothal and that she is “looking for Sabine Wren.” Shin gets excited when she hears that, and episode 4 gives a little more context into that.

Baylan knows Ahsoka. He mentions in episode 4 that Anakin spoke of her. And I’m sure Baylan, after getting close with Shin, has probably shared stories of his time in the Order, Jedi he knew/met, his own master, among other things. Now, also in episode 4, Baylan knows of Sabine. How her family was killed, etc. How he does I have no idea. But, again, something he could’ve told Shin as it relates to Thrawn bc of Ezra and all that good stuff.

But to go back, Shin gets excited when Baylan does confirm and tell her to go. Also, kind of knowing Shin’s character, could’ve been a sort of ‘thrill of the hunt’ going out and looking for her. Either way, Baylan trusts Shin to send her out on her own.

Next is when Morgan does the whole star map shenanigans and Morgan talks about where Thrawn is banished and what the goal is. After Morgan leaves, Shin asks him questions about it. “What happens when we find Thrawn?” Baylan mentions war in response. Then, which is still a line that has me short circuiting bc im insane, Shin asks “what about us?” SOMETHING ABOUT THE US AND STICKING TOGETHER AND IDK FOUND FAMILY THINGS 🤠 and Baylan responds with “Power. Such as you’ve never dreamed.” It still follows along the trust lines. Shin follows him, obviously, as he’s the master and so she feels the need to ask him like, “hey, this has been going on for a little while, what’s our future goal?”

Then, in episode 4, there’s that scene (forgive me mis-quoting) where the four of them are on Seatos and Morgan mentions something about stalling (??) and Baylan says that “but you will” line to Shin and, without needing to say anymore, gives her the go ahead to go into the forest and track down Ahsoka and Sabine with Marrok. He has a trust and faith in her that she’ll do what is needed while he stays with Morgan

THEN, of course ahsoka ‘kills’ Marrok and runs to Baylan, Shin eventually comes back after running from Sabine. Shin makes it to Baylan and Ahsoka and immediately Ahsoka thinks Sabine is dead. Right after Huyang asked them to stay together and they’re getting back into their master and padawan rhythm and Sabine was left with the girl who stabbed her through like less than a week prior. So Ahsoka goes after Shin while Baylan isn’t immediately in front of her and force throws her into the one pillar and knocks her out cold. Baylan gets pissed and uses very powerful swings to push Ahsoka to the edge when she was already weak from picking up the map.

When Baylan has Ahsoka over the cliff, he says “it didn’t have to come to this” which had me THINKING. He has that line in episode 2 (??) about “It’ll be a shame (to kill Ahsoka). There are so few jedi left.” Baylan also still holds a lot of respect for the Jedi, and I think that especially shows through in the fact that Shin has a padawan braid. Baylan then continues with (forgive my misquote again I think) “but you know no other way”. Like. I cannot believe he would’ve pushed her to the edge of the cliff and eventually set her off if she didn’t throw Shin. I think that was Baylan, over anythin, fighting for his padawan and seizing the opportunity he had over Ahsoka to go through with something that he didn’t originally plan to do. But that’s my personal opinion and view rn. That could change.

And then, of course, Shin wakes up after Baylan and Sabine have their little chit chat and she starts to force choke Sabine. Baylan, immediately, is like ‘no no stop I told her I wouldn’t harm her and gave her my word, what are you doing, child’. He says, not in a super commanding or harsh tone, “Shin, release her.”

Now. How many people has Shin force choked in front of Baylan when Baylan didn’t want her to? My bet is zero, probably. Maybe one, idk.

Now we know I love analyzing, especially overanalyzing which is evident by my TLOU ones. But Baylan doesn’t freak out when he notices what Shin is doing. He’s not upset, either, because he knows her. But the very simple ask of “release her” really gets me. It tells me that they’ve built up such a trust and respect there that something small like that is enough to get her to stop and/or stand down. There’s enough there for Baylan to say it and for Shin to know it and drop it. There’s enough there that that’s all Baylan should need to say for her to stop.

Also- rabbit trail- but Shin’s immediate reaction to waking up and seeing Baylan stand, actually somewhat comfortably, across from Sabine probably sent raging signals through Shin because that’s the enemy, so she immediately goes to go after Sabine. Again, personal take, I think it’s on behalf of Baylan and protecting him and not just Shin’s personal vendetta (pretty much, at this point) against Sabine. But maybe that’s my brainrot talking. Idk protecting the other is so 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 but I also think it can fit in this context

But she doesn’t. Not at the first one. Understandable, honestly. The run-ins she’s had with Ahsoka and Sabine haven’t been the kindest and also she’s right across from Baylan and he’s not trying to kill her. So she keeps force choking her and disregards Baylan’s first ask.

But, again, going back to there being enough there. ALL it then takes it is for Baylan to go “Shin.” for her to look at him and stop. Baylan isn’t demanding anything. He’s not loud or aggressive or anything. His tone is very reminiscent of saying “trust me” without the words. And so Shin drops Sabine. Reluctantly, considering the look she gives him, but she trusts him enough to know that it’s fine and that he’s already worked it out.

THEYRE JUST SO. THEY GET ME. THEY GET ME ON A LEVEL I DIDNT KNOW EXISTED 🤮🤮🤮

#I don’t even know if this made sense #if it did then yay #I feel like they’ve been my caffeine the past two days #I’ve been like extra jumpy and smiley just THINKING about them #I cannot wait for the coming weeks #also #hi don’t ship them please you guys are disgusting #saw some. uh. stuff yesterday regarding them #in a very not platonic setting SOOOOO #anyway yeah they’re killing me 🥰🥰🥰#ahsoka spoilers #baylan skoll #shin hati #ahsoka tv

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my-traumacore-sideblog · 2 months ago

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vent post abt a piece of media from a fandom i don't usually cross tag my posts w so just a quick heads up, this blog is 1 i use 4 venting abt stuff, mainly so i can just kinda scream into the void abt stuff that's upsetting me, this isn't a debate blog even abt fandom opinion stuff since this is more abt "this triggered a negative mental health reaction in me bc im mentally ill and i need 2 talk abt that" and the validity of my mental health reactions to put it simply is just not up for debate, especially on this blog, the reason that im cross tagging instead of just leaving this in the vent tags is more as a kind of warning to others who might have a similar reaction to this piece of media as i did, kinda like doesthedogdie.com ig, by cross tagging i can mayb give any1 who might hav a similar reaction 2 me a heads up b4 they c the piece of media

cross tagging also w the madpunk and neuropunk tags bc of stuff that triggered my mental health symptoms and ppl in those tags would probably also b most wanting a heads up and those tags r also 4 ranting abt ableism

cross tagging also w the cripplepunk tag bc of the ableist content that triggered me relating 2 physical disability and that tag being also 4 ranting abt ableism

ok onto the rant/vent post

so i recently decided 2 mayb try getting into the horror genre, usually it's smth that i stay away from since i get scared p easily but my bf really likes horror and also i sometimes enjoy stuff that isn't what most ppl would consider "traditional horror" like if i look away during the gore scenes and i avoid the episode about food since ik what happens in it and that it'll be very triggering for me i actually really enjoy the series "don't hug me im scared" mainly because of the way it portrays disability and imo especially autism and personality disorders as smth that while not inherently bad can make the world u live in more challenging and feel like ur in a horror show if u hav them and try 2 interact w normal society in any way, this is smth i can heavily relate 2 from experience and it felt very validating 2 c that portrayed in a piece of media, it helped me feel seen in a way that couldn't rly be done without horror or horror elements, i also noticed that i enjoyed watching breaking bad as a sort of character study of walter white and jesse pinkman, im aware that breaking bad isn't technically categorised as a horror but given the gore and the psychological elements with everything that happens to jesse i would personally say it could be seen as sort of a psychological slasher comedy, i also recently saw a tiktok about how there was a lot of queer readings of some of the classic horror franchises and a character that was mentioned was chucky, i looked up a list of all the chucky movies in order with a brief description of what happened in them and once i realised how ridiculous the plot got then i knew it was probably something i would enjoy, i already knew i loved campy horror from watching rocky horror picture show and the heather's stage musical, both of which are still favourites of mine, now i knew it was a slasher still so i asked my boyfriend to watch with me, he loves horror and knows all about practical effects so i thought that if it got too much for me then he could help reassure me by explaining how the practical effects are done as sort of a reality check thing

[incoming spoilers 4 basically the entire franchies]

so we watched the first ever childs play movie together online and honestly i was hooked, i loved the silly explanation of how chucky got in the doll, which as some1 who commonly has delusions abt toys (especially dolls and other toys that hav movable joints ect) being alive (thanks 4 that 1 toy story) it was actually genuinely reassuring in a weird way that the only way that happened was bc chucky actively chose 2 put himself into the body of a doll and that its not that the doll was just inherently alive somehow, i loved the dynamic between andy and his mum, i loved the camera work that made u rly feel 4 chucky while he was being tossed around by ppl that didn't know he was a person, i loved the ridiculous special effects and deaths that took me out of the immersion but honestly in the best way possible, heck i even loved how no1 believed andy or the mum abt chucky bc it was done in a way that was clearly meant 4 u 2 sympathise w those characters, it was actually reassuring 2 c a film that (even if only indirectly) was still sympathising w ppl w my condition, personally i c child's play 1 as its own separate movie and i rly enjoyed it, i like 2 think that andy and his mum ran away and left the country and that the rest of the movies are a separate timeline where they didn't leave but that's just my headcanons

child's play 2 and 3 i don't have much to say on, they were good movies and it's nice that for the most part from what i can remember chucky's ire is mostly aimed at authority figures unless the situation specifically calls for him to make an exception, i did also like how the 3rd 1 was aimed a lot on the topic of sexism against men in the military

bride of chucky and seed of chucky i absolutely loved, probably second only to the first movie, i loved the silly campy mess of it all, i also liked how they acknowledged that chucky essentially has a really weird form of dwarfism now (weird bc he's literally in the body of an actual doll which just doesn't happen irl) it was something that i noticed in the 1st movie that i kinda related 2 and saw him being a doll partly as coding 4, the coding was strong in bride of chucky imo w tiff literally treating him like a child, putting him in a locked playpen ect, i found it interesting that he killed tiff mainly 2 put her in his shoes and as revenge 4 her being ableist 2 him, i also really resonated w glen/glenda in seed of chucky having 2 deal w their parents having very strict views on gender 2 the point of them seemingly having a DID split bc of it, pretty sure i literally did that at one point b4 realising that im trans bc of how weird my bio parents were abt gender stuff and had a bunch of expectations on me 2 b a girl but specifically a more masc presenting girl,,, which didn't work out since im kinda a fem/masc nonbinary trans guy who uses cute things as a comfort, idk it was kinda cathartic seeing that represented, as 4 the "murder = addiction" plotline, while yes it was used 4 comedic effect as some1 who has an addictive personality and knows that addiction can go beyond substances it was imo very in character 4 chucky and tiff, i can 100% believe that 4 chucky and tiff killing would b smth that they would become addicted 2 and i found it genuinely interesting as a character study, also it talked abt how ppl can b weirdly morally judgy when it comes 2 addiction, like tiff who has killed ppl is getting mad at chucky 4 doing so bc of the framing now of it being an addiction which,,, yeah, that's p accurate 2 how ppl talk abt addiction, ppl can b doing the exact same thing as u but when they do it its okay and suddenly when u do it its u doing smth morally wrong bc of u having an addiction

oh boy, this is when 4 me things went rly down hill, curse of chucky,,,, idk, ive heard the theory that it's just a nightmare that chucky is having and honestly yeah i can c that being the case mayb since none of it actually makes sense within the timeline also chucky is wildly out of character here imo, also y does this girl live in a mansion but hav the worst wheelchair? also y is there no back up generator 4 power cuts if she needs 2 use a lift 2 get 2 the next floor, also y did they decide chucky is a creepy stalker incel now? also this movie was kinda sadistic in comparison 2 the previous movies tbh, also chucky taking advantage of his victim being in a wheelchair to move her around the house where he wanted and pushing her off the stairs was just uncomfortable, chucky having a pregnant hostage in a flashback was uncomfortable also none of this was in character, like b4 this movie the only relationship we had seen him be in was w tiff and he literally loves seeing her murder so much he proposed 2 her bc of it and yeah there was the whole "he's a very jealous boyfriend" part of bride of chucky but,,, he was literally fine with just hanging out until she decided to bring up him killing this guy and she was very clearly into him killing this guy, it legitimately makes no sense to me from a character writing perspective that he would actually do the weird sunflowers hostage scene, now i can see this making sense if it was a nightmare that chucky was having, that he was thinking on his actions and worried that he made it seem like he wanted tiff to be in his shadow in their convo in the last movie (seed of chucky) so this is his brain worrying that this is how he comes of ect, but i shouldn't need to apply the "it was all a dream" hc 2 make a movie watchable

i skipped cult of chucky and the 2019 childs play reboot as i knew both would b very triggering 4 me given the subject matter

the chucky tv series

i actually legit hated this one, this is the 1 that made me write this whole thing, okay so, 1st of all im gay so no its not bc of the main character being a gay guy, im also a gay guy and i rly liked the idea of chucky being a queer ally after the seed of chucky movie and after having some time away from his family 2 think on things, like i mentioned earlier the idea of chucky being queer positive was partly what got me into this franchise, i rly loved the "im not a monster jake" scene where chucky basically says that just bc he's a serial killer doesn't mean he's queerphobic, as comedic as it is 4 chucky 2 say he's not a monster given that he's a serial killer i found it a genuinely funny and in character moment i 100% think chucky would fucking say that after the seed of chucky movie

i liked that chucky was trying to encourage the kids 2 stand up 4 themselves against their abusive family members and bullies (albeit in his own way)

hell i didn't even hate the idea that chucky just doesn't get that murder isn't smth that most ppl enjoy, i just found it kinda interesting, the idea that he's trying 2 genuinely bond w ppl but just doesn't rly hav a good grasp on how 2 do that but in a very comedy slasher over the top way

i liked that he was a fan of the peter pan books but as horror books, since yeh those books were kinda twisted and i can see chucky liking those as a kid bc of that

it's a damn shame that that's all i liked abt the series

okay so let's start w the false advertising of the genre, i tried this 1 since when i looked it up 2 c if it was meant 2 b a proper horror or more of a slasher comedy like the bride of chucky and seed of chucky the results that came up were saying it was a slasher comedy,,, i don't think this is accurate 4 the most part tbh, like i can think of maybe a handful of moments that were mayb a slasher comedy but imo the majority of the series is just straight up horror, especially when the tiff and nika stuff starts (we will fuking get 2 that later omfg)

4 some reason chucky kills just 4 the lols now? no real rhyme or reason 2 it which tbh just takes away from the character imo especially given that he keeps trying to convince the kids that he only kills ppl that "deserve it" but like,,,, yeah no in the show that's basically shown 2 b a lie, which is weird given that 4 the most part previously he mainly focused on authority figures, especially those that were abusing their authority

multiple chucky's now 4 some reason ig? yeah idk, it was kinda fun at first bc it's kinda ridiculous but like,,, tbh it just makes me remember how fun bride of chucky and seed of chucky were and it makes me wanna watch those instead of this shit

multiple tiffs now?,,,, why? like okay but why? her whole thing in seed of chucky was not wanting 2 b a doll anymore so y is doll tiff there when there's also human tiff? explanation pls? idk makes no sense 2 me but im assuming probably some shit happened in cult of chucky which i didn't watch

okay onto the main reason i made this post

MASSIVE TW 4 ABLEIST WRITING BTW

absolutely fuck the way that this show wrote tiff and nika in this, like holy shit i thought curse of chucky was uncomfortable but ig i hadn't seen anything yet, y did this new writer make the character of nika just 2 torture her? like okay chucky and nika in the same body 4 some reason, sure y not ig, kinda sucks that they r confirming that curse of chucky wasn't a nightmare in the canon timeline ig but whatever, chucky can walk in nika's body somehow???? no???? like she can't walk bc of a physical condition not a psychological 1 so that makes no fucking sense, like i could understand it if it was a psychological condition but in curse of chucky it's confirmed 2 b her heart so that makes no sense

tiff is into nika) okay sure, seed of chucky made it already seem like tiff was bi so why not

tiff prefers nika over chucky) okay? doesn't make much sense 2 me since she seemed 2 be into him being her serial killer husband but sure maybe she's kinda over him now idk

tiff stuffs nika in the trunk of her car like a hostage and takes her to move into the place where nika's family was killed) ummm.... what!?

tiff keeps nika a hostage and drugs her when she escapes) ew wtf, yeah that's legit really uncomfortable

BIG TW 4 ABLEIST WRITING JUMPSCARE U HAV BEEN WARNED

at the end of season 1 there's a sudden reveal that tiff cut off nikas legs and arms "so chucky couldn't use nika's body 2 hurt her" no. just no. there was literally no reason 4 this, she could hav used the amulet from the entire rest of the story 2 just transfer chucky's soul into smth else or some1 else and then killed that person, seed of chucky made it canon that u can in chucky lore put different parts of a soul into different bodies as we c w glen and glenda, just put the chucky soul into a different body and kill that person tiff ur a serial killer like wtf? there was no actual plot reason 4 this and it was completely unnecessary shock value in this show that i would like 2 remind u is supposed 2 b a slasher comedy not a traditional horror, as a wheelchair user i know how much we rely on our arms 2 get around and yeah, this one hurt and completely put me off the entire show, also as some1 who has trauma from ppl (bio parents, teachers, medical workers) pretending 2 b nice and pretending that they r doing smth 4 my own good just so they can get me where they want me so they can hurt me and often taking advantage of me being disabled in order 2 do that this genuinely triggered me, like in an actual trauma way, i had a crying, screaming panic attack 4 like 3 hours while my boyfriend tried 2 comfort me, there was literally no need 4 this 2 b written into this story that again, is supposed 2 b a slasher comedy, this was not slasher comedy, also it was this scene after everything else that has me genuinely convinced that this writer just made the character of nika because he wanted to torture a fictional wheelchair user because he hates disabled people i guess or at the very least he clearly sees us as less deserving of sympathy than non-disabled people, anyway from what i've googled it doesn't seem like things get any better in season 2 and tbh im just not gonna watch this anymore, it sucks bc i rly liked the og chucky movies and got rly hyperfixated on them so now i can't stop thinking abt it and i keep thinking of that 1 scene and it's basically stuck in my head 4 rn also great work from don ig in triggering my fucking cotards delusion for the first time in literal years when i thought i had managed 2 get it mostly under control, fucking cunt :)

so yeah this tv show single handedly turned me away from the horror genre and from the chucky franchies which i previously had enjoyed bc it was that fucking bad and weirdly fixated on turning disabled suffering into a spectacle

TL;DR

don't fucking watch anything after seed of chucky if ur disabled and especially don't watch the chucky tv series it sucks and i hate it and now the thing i had previously been enjoying is utterly ruined 4 me and it's literally made my symptoms actively worse

#vent post #rant post #actually traumatized #tw discussion of ableism #long post #angry post #madpunk #neuropunk #chucky #child's play chucky #chucky tv series #chucky tv show #chucky the killer doll #chucky the series #cripple punk

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bourbon-ontherocks · 1 year ago

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🪥-wise j’étais au bord de la syncope pdt la 1re scène du parloir 🕴️ shouting match. longing looks. there’s a literal wall between them. going from "I don’t need you" to "pls get involved in this mess and let my kid hide evidence" to "thank you" 😭😭😭😭 their other scenes were for the books too--asking her to work her magic, but she’s under pressure when suddenly "ouf c’est de l’or massif", mentalité de pie 😂

the carat-dec joke was so precious (mdr), les rapports se réchauffent !!! I’m glad there weren’t proper callbacks to earlier eps this time (except for the bookshelves!!), it left room for New stuff. plus some bits felt comfortingly familiar, like adam’s gestures when he asked morgane to get to the point (la petite graine !) 🥲❤ oh, & re: céline’s slippery slope… confirms she and adam are basically the same person. royal couple of getting roped into dates with people they’ve antagonized 😆

don’t you think "ça voulait dire quelque chose" was a bit too much? I wish both of them were in the dark about the other’s feelings. how are we gonna get that sweet, sweet pining if they know mutual affection is a real possibility? (+ don’t want roxane to become The Obstacle) we need a couple irremediable misunderstandings, stat 😈 tho the shot where they’re finally face to face outside was 😙👌 five feet apart but they were feeling awfully close 🥰🥰🥰❤

God, le parloir !! 😱😱 I'm glad I already knew about that scene before otherwise I would have died on the spot 😭 The way they look at each other, the way they talk, and you're right the evolution too, Adam compulsively yelling "I don't want to be involved with this" while actually being totally involved with this, Morgane being so angry, Adam qui s'exécute à toutes les conneries qu'elle lui demande sans rechigner (se baisser alors qu'on entend très bien, lui montrer le dossier à travers la vitre, arrêter de la regarder -- speaking of, arrêtez de me regarder j'arrive pas à me concentrer si c'est pas un aveu qu'il la trouble 🥹🥹, demander à Théa de planquer une pièce à conviction...)

Lol, mentalité de pie, le retour 😂

100% agreed re Adam's gesture, I too thought about the little seed joke!! And also I'm not sure I'd say their interactions are warming up, but they do seem to fall into reassuring, familiar patterns 🥲💕 Also the fact that Adam basically ran to the prison since Morgane's not even done with her check-in that he shows up in the parlor 🥹🥹

Oh gosh I didn't notice the ginormous parallel between Céline and Adam's date, to me Céline's arc felt like something exactly similar that happens in Engrenages, but I love how it applies to Adam and Roxane (hopefully not with the same outcome though?)

Now for "ça voulait dire quelque chose"... Oh boy...😱

I don't think it was too much at all, considering how Adam's previous words (ep 1 flashback) literally drove Morgane to quit and disappear for six months, and it probably would've lasted forever if it wasn't for this providential case. And I think he's aware of that, aware of his mistake, so this is his attempt at making up for what he said ("ça voulait rien dire") which obviously hurt her. I think she needed to hear that it actually meant something. And also for him it's perhaps the first time he's vocalizing out loud that he actually cares about Morgane, and that she's not just a pain in the ass. (Okay actually he said it before. It's just that he told her the exact opposite an hour later so the message may have gotten a bit confused lol).

ALSO HE TOLD HER THAT LOSING HER WAS HIS BIGGEST REGRET IN LIFE AND NOW I CAN DIE IN PEACE THANK YOU VERY MUCH 😱🥹😭⚰️

And I don't think this is going to end all their misunderstandings, because he instantly tempers it with the words "collègue" et "amie". After how hard he broke her heart, Morgane is probably done living on false hopes, so she's not gonna try and read more in those words than what he actually said. And what he said was I care about you as a friend (sure Jan).

So for me they're both still in the dark re each other's feelings. They probably picked up on the fact that they do not hate each other (well, Adam probably thinks she does now, but that she actually didn't when he kissed her lol), but they most certainly have no idea of how deep they're actually pining for the other's affection 💔

Also this whole scene 😘😘😘 And the five feet apart shot, the way they slowly walk towards each other, et leurs pas sont absolument SYNCHRONES ???? No wonder it's literally the first thing I giffed from that new season 😭❤️

#julia's adventures with the hpi anon #anon #ask #hpi #tf1 hpi #hpi tf1 #hpi season 3

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justice4billy · 2 years ago

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Baby, it's a secret

Mentions of pregnancy and girls being bitches

Chapter Seven

Cassie hadn't counted on it being so hot this morning, it was pretty warm for the beginning of January and she was stuck wearing a thick flannel shirt since her clothes were getting tighter.

She groaned before silencing her alarm and tip toeing out of bed, hoping the shrill ring hadn't awoken her Mom from her slumber. She cradled her swollen belly, she was only ten weeks gone, but there was a small bump that was already beginning to show. She bit her lip, she didn't have a plan for when she began to get bigger. Maybe she could just wing it until then she thought before turning away from the mirror and quickly brushing her teeth.

She had just finished putting on some make up when a horn sounded from outside, she widened her eyes in panic before running down the stairs and out the door. Eddie greeted her with a smile and a wave as she threw the door open.

"What did I tell you about blaring the horn?" She practically yelled in his face.

Eddie quirked a brow. "Good morning to you" he grumbled before starting the engine and driving away. "How are you supposed to know I'm here?" He asked.

"We agree a time and I'm ready thats how I know" she huffed folding her arms before wincing slightly.

"Girls are never ready on time" he replied before glancing over at her and farrowing her brows in concern. "You okay?" He asked noting her discomfort.

"I have pelvic pain" she hissed out.

"Do I wanna know?" He asked squeamish.

"Nope" cassie replied popping the P.

Eddie huffed. "I got some painkillers if you want them" he offered.

"I'll take them if it gets worse" she reassured him. She knew he worried about her but she was a bit weary of medication, she didn't know what harm it would do to the baby.

Eddie nodded just as he pulled into the school parking lot and killed the engine, she was aware of the stares that surrounded the pair as she exited the vehicle.

"I'll see you at lunch" he stated with a quick salute before moving off to the side to light up a cigarette. She hated that they didn't share any classes toghether.

"See you then" she gave him a small smile before turning on her heel and stopping momentarily.

What felt like a thousand pair of eyes all lingered on her and Eddie's interaction, but the cool blue eyes leaning on his car directly across from her was the one that caught her eye.

Billy leaned back casually with Tommy and Carol by his side, the pair whispering to each other as they gave her a glance before laughing to themselves. Cassie stood rooted to the spot as Billy gave her a small smirk, she peeled her eyes away from him deciding to get away before she attracted anymore attention and made her way to first period.

By the time lunch rolled around Cassie was more than ready to stuff her face with cheese fries, its all she had been thinking about in her last class especially drizzled with mayonnaise. Her stomach groaned thinking about it all, she hated mayonnaise normally but the baby was giving her some weird cravings. At least she had only been sick once so far today she thought as she scrambled towards her locker, more than ready to throw her textbook in there.

Eddie had been meeting her in between classes refusing to allow her to carry her own books, which she had said she was more than capable of doing. But now she wasn't sure where he was and she wasn't going to wait for him. She wanted those cheese fries and she wanted them now.

Her thoughts cut short when a figure stepped infront of her just before she could get get her locker, stopping her in her tracks. Billy stood infront of her with a small smirk on his face.

"Let me carry those for you" he offered to her nodding his head towards the books in her hand.

"Im okay Billy" she replied scouring the halls.

"You nervous?" He asked his smirk widening slightly.

"Of course I am" she snapped. "We shouldn't be seen together" she hissed. She couldn't believe the gaul of him, she had told him to stay away.

Billy narrowed his eyes. "So you don't mind being seen with that freak?" He asked in a slightly hurt tone.

"Dont call him that!" Cassie snapped back.

"You know everyone's been saying shit about the two of you all day" he commented. "I ain't said one bad word and now I'm offering my help and you're being ungreatful" he huffed as herolled his bottom lip into his mouth.

"Fine" Cassie snapped dumping the book in his hands. "My locker is up here" she stated marching past him as she heard him follow her down the halls. Hopefully he would go away before the halls filled up.

She angrily opend the lock and swung the door open as Billy dumped the books in her locker.

"A thank you would be nice" he grumbled to her.

"Thank you" Cassie responded before sighing. "I just don't want your rep being ruined talking to me" she stated.

Billy laughed before leaning down towards her. "You think I give a fuck about my rep" he stated lowly.

"Then what do you want from me?" Cassie asked.

Billy licked his lips, his blue eyes scanned the length of her body slowly making her shiver under his intense gaze as she folded her arms to hide her stomach.

"I think you know" he breathed his words like velvet as they rolled off his tongue.

Cassie gasped slightly when he reached out to touch her collarbone. "Billy-" she started.

"Billy, what are you doing here?" A shrill voice interrupted them.

Tina came barrowling towards the pair as her eyes narrowed slightly in Cassie's direction. Billy huffed before looking over his shoulder.

"Whats it look like?" He huffed out annoyed.

Tina smiled sickingly at him as she wrapped her arm around the bicep that wasn't currently leaning against her locker.

"Were all waiting in the cafeteria" she stated.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute" he huffed.

"Actually I kind of wanted to ask Cassie something" Tina stated sending her a fake smile. "We have science together and I'm actually glad I caught you" she stated towards Cassie.

Billy sighed. "And it can't just wait?" He asked.

Tina laughed swatting him on the arm. "I don't see Cassie in school much" she stated. "It will only take a few minutes" she whined clinging to his arm.

Billy huffed. "Fine" he mumbled standing up straight. "I'll see you later darling" he stated to Cassie before giving her a wink and sauntering off.

Cassie widened her eyes slightly, butterflies swarming her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was the baby or the sudden attention from one of the schools most sort after guys. Her high didn't last long as Tina stepped into her view with narrowed eyes and folded arms.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked tapping her nails against her arm.

"I-" she began. "Billy helped me carry my books" she answered.

"Well, i don't know what you think youre doing but it stops now" Tina stated confidently.

Cassie scoffed. "Or what?" She asked boldly.

Tina laughed. "Billy and I have a thing and I won't let you get in the way" she stated.

Cassie fought the urge to roll her eyes, this girl was clearly deluded. "It was just an innocent thing" she defended.

Tina narrowed her eyes. "Stick to hanging with that freak Munson and his band of geeks" she warned. "Or else I'll make sure everyone knows every single secret about your life and trust me I have ways of finding out" she threatened.

Cassie widened her eyes. The last thing she needed was for everyone to find out about the baby, if they all knew then Billy would know too and she couldn't risk that.

"Fine" she snapped at her.

"Glad we had this chat" Tina smirked before flipping her hair and walking away.

From now on, Cassie would make it her mission to avoid the hell out of Billy Hargrove.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #billy stranger things #eddie munson #billy x fem reader #billy x reader

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petitamourr · 4 years ago

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Midnight Gospel - Ep 3 Rambling

Mind you I’m really high while writing this but I know it’ll make sense to someone.

What Clancy is doing is magic from only one of the dimensions, his’

Fish dude (aka Darryl) explained to Clancy how meditation and magic helped in gathering more information within the same life (dimension). In his visit, Clancy gets to see 2 ongoing lives; fish dude in a light-hearted enlightment then into a weird fish monster in a violent scene (where his past life has left off before doing magic, proving enlightenment is only the first step; life is just ‘enlighment-ception’ because lessons are meant to be learnt little by little or else it can overwhelm our human vessel). Also, magic goes both ways. After everything from both ways is ‘done’ (if ever), ‘life’ finally ends (if ever) ((escaping Samsara maybe)).

Fish dude mentions part of the journey of magic is helping others (though it is, ultimately, “be friendly guides to each other”, passing knowledge that one or the other might have not achieved, which explains why we have different perceptions, knowledge, experiences and lessons [we are still in one life (dimension) learning what each of us in meant to for this life (dimension) in particular), we have many more lives to ~Acquire All Knowledge & Understanding~.

In the end, Daniel is one of those newer, inexperienced folks “starting all over” (really just enlightment-ception, again) who Clancy has taken a liking to, maybe as a possible friend to help because he liked his ‘persona’ (presented as an online profile due to the podcast, online, simulation-accesible world they’re in). You can see a lil bit of upper-classman attitude from Clancy when he sends Daniel ice cream in a swag bag, as if Daniel was the lower-classman thinking Clancy is a pal that he could learn from. The dad hitting Daniel in the end is the condemning of spiritual awakening due to, spiritually, the father being further back than Daniel, who is in the same dimension, of course, but had been in many more others than his dad in that dimension during the eternal lifetime.

;;This is the same for all of us. I believe this magical episode is a way the creators are trying to be a friendly guide (for the audience). A bit sad Midnight Gospel isn’t something every person in the world will watch and take something from, but it is a looked-over hub of knowledge for those needing the guidance.

Also: Only certain people being able to understand certain codes = knowledge we already acquired somehow.

#midnight gospel #the midnight gospel #clancy jarvis #enlightment #spirituality #this show is reassuring me of stuff I was already aware I knew and making me remember more things I already knew but wasn’t aware of huh

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luminnara · 3 years ago

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Omega Depression || Alpha!Kiribaku x Omega!fem!reader

Hi! Can I request an alpha!Kiribaku x omega!fem!reader where she is strong on the outside, but sensitive on the inside. Then, some asshole alpha comes and insults her saying that she isn't worthy of having alphas and other super mean stuff that makes her go to omega depression. After that, she confines and isolates herself in her room, not allowing her alphas to enter. Days pass, she misses school for like a week, and her alphas are tired of waiting, so they bust the door and find their omega deep in omega depression and starving herself, and they're super worried and try to help her get out of it, cause she could die if not. The rest can be little angst with a fluffy happy ending!

Yo I live for alpha kiribaku, not gonna lie

Warnings: angst, mental health stuff, depression, eating disorder/starvation stuff, abo

Requests are open!

You were always happy with your alphas. Bakugou and Kirishima were the loves of your life, you were sure of it. The three of you got along well, and there was nothing you enjoyed more than spending time with your boys. You kept up with them easily, never having trouble when it came to handling Katsuki’s temper or Eijiro’s enthusiasm. They loved protecting you, too, not that you ever really seemed to need it; you were tough as nails, as far as everyone was concerned.

You weren’t, though, not really.

“What a useless little omega.”

The words kept repeating in your head, over and over.

“Two alphas? Yeah, right. You don’t even deserve one, not with an uppity attitude like that.”

They kept echoing, no matter what you tried to do.

“What a stupid bitch. They should just leave your sorry ass. You aren’t worthy of anyone, much less alphas.”

You curled in on yourself. You felt sick to your stomach. How could someone say that about you? How could a shitty alpha go and ruin your mood, and your day, by saying something so awful?

“I am worthy!” You had argued. “And we’re happy together, so just fuck off.”

“Oh yeah? Then why haven’t they claimed you yet?” His lips had pulled over his teeth in a sick grin. “You know they’re just biding their time, waiting for something better to come along. You’re nothing to them.”

The little spat had been earlier that morning. It was rare that you ever went out alone; usually Eijirou or Katsuki or both of them were stuck to you like glue, but this had been one of those instances when you had absolutely insisted you would be fine. After all, you were just running a couple errands. You weren’t even going very far from campus. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?

Well...this, apparently.

You had rejected the advances of an alpha who had been eyeing you for quite some time. He was annoying and his scent always made you recoil, but you would never, not in a million years, have thought that he could hurt you so deeply.

Why were his words even bothering you so much? You knew your boys liked you. They made sure to constantly cover you in their scents, they happily gave up their shirts for you to tuck into your little bed nest, they held your hands and gave you sweet little kisses...

And yet, he was right. They hadn’t claimed you yet. There were no big bite marks on your neck to show the world that you were taken. Why hadn’t it happened yet? You always thought that maybe they were just nervous, and they wanted to wait for the right time. Maybe they wanted to wait until school was over and they were better established as heroes.

Or maybe they were just playing with you, maybe you were nothing more than their favorite toy for the time being. What if they got tired of you? What if they really were planning on kicking you to the curb? Without a bond mark, nobody would even blink if they cast you aside. It would just be a normal break up, nothing for anybody else to even care about or get involved in.

But your heart was already aching at the thought of it.

You huddled up in your nest, ugly sobs wracking your body as you clutched one of Katsuki’s hoodies to your chest. An undershirt of Eijirou’s was nearby, a few plushies that they had given you tucked in amongst the blankets and pillows. The scents of burnt sugar and cinnamon wafted around you, and as comforting as they usually were, they weren’t helping you now. Nothing was.

You heard your phone vibrate, but you didn’t reach for it. You didn’t care. You were too wrapped up in your own thoughts, absolutely trapped in your head now. You were plagued by those same words as they kept repeating, telling you over and over that you were worthless, useless, nothing.

When you finally managed to glance at your phone, you had missed texts from both your alphas. You replied to them with a couple of half hearted “yeah, I’m fine” -s, then finally slithered out of bed to make sure your door was locked. You didn’t want to face them when they came to bother you.

If they came.

You spent the entire day like that. When you were out of tears to cry, you just grew numb. It was the worst you had ever felt, and while some part of you knew, deep down, that you needed your alphas to come help you, you couldn’t stand the idea of them seeing you like this. How had you managed to grow so afraid? You usually told them everything, but now...now you abhorred the thought.

“Oi!” Katsuki’s rough voice came from the other side of your door, his scent wafting in. “Open up!”

You didn’t answer, curling in on yourself even further instead.

“Omega!” he called angrily. “Stop ignoring me, dammit!”

“Go away!” you managed to squeeze out, your voice sounding weak and strangled.

He was silent for a moment, his scent changing. It grew more burnt-smelling as his anger mounted, and as it reached your nose, you felt panic and annoyance spiking in your chest.

“Omega,” he growled, voice low. You heard the doorknob jiggling as he tried to get in, but you had locked the deadbolt, and unless he unleashed his quirk right there in the dorms, there was no way he was entering your room.

“I said go away!” you yelled.

On the other side of the door, Katsuki was fuming. The beginning sparks of little explosions were popping around his hands, and if Eijirou wasn’t there to hold his arms down at his sides, there was a good chance he would have done some real damage to the hallway.

“Katsuki, c’mon.” the larger alpha said. “Let’s just leave her alone for a little.”

“Something’s wrong,” Katsuki pulled back as his partner started trying to drag him away. “She stinks.”

“Yeah, she definitely doesn’t smell happy,” Kirishima paused, frowning. “But...we need to give her the space, if she wants it.”

“Fuck that,” his partner spat.

“Katsuki....” Eijirou sighed.

Bakugou’s nostrils flared angrily for a moment, red eyes wild as Kirishima grabbed his arm once again. Someone was trying to drag him away from his omega, from his perfect little mate, and if it had been anyone other than Eijirou, he would have done far worse than simply dig his heels into the floor and growl in protest. Kirishima was right, though; if their omega wanted alone time, they couldn’t just barge in without permission. As much as it hurt both boys, as desperate as they were to get to you and make you feel better, they weren’t total animals. They respected you, and prided themselves on being two big, capable alphas who listened to their omega.

They returned to their own rooms, expecting to at least hear from you within an hour or two.

Hours turned to days.

You texted them a few times, listless, half-assed messages that did little to reassure them. You would send a pathetic I’m fine or a It’s okay here and there, only after they had both blown your phone up for a few hours. It was the only reason they hadn’t tried to tear your door off its hinges; they knew you were alive, at least. But by the third day, Katsuki was beside himself, and even Eijirou was getting upset enough to consider using his quirk to get to you.

You wished that he would. You didn’t want to face them, but at the same time, the fact that they weren’t tearing the building apart to reach you was making you even sadder. Your sad scent was starting to leech out into the rest of the dorms, and by the end of the fifth day, nobody could stop your alphas.

“Oy!” Bakugou snarled, his fist thudding against your door. “Open up, omega!”

You didn’t answer, too weak and listless to bother.

“Babe?” Kirishima asked, his voice strained with the effort of not yelling in panic.

“We know you’re in there,” Katsuki growled. “Quit avoiding us!”

Still, you didn’t answer.

Then, you could hear some shuffling, and the door was being torn off its hinges by Kirishima. Bakugou stormed in as soon as the path was clear, his red eyes blazing with anger, his hands balled into fists.

“You’d better show your face right fuckin’ now, or I swear I—“

He fell silent at the sight of you. His eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. Your scent was so strong and so incredibly miserable that a wave of nausea passed through him. He hadn’t expected that it would be so pungent in your room, and as he covered his mouth and nose with his hand, he rushed towards you.

“Baby,” he cooed, vaguely aware of Kirishima behind him, “what the fuck is going on?”

You tried to bury yourself in your nest, trying to burrow away from the world, but a big hand caught you around the middle and pulled you back out. Eijirou manhandled you easily, his eyes wide with concern as he sat on the floor and placed you in his lap.

“You haven’t been eating,” he observed, looking at your tired eyes. “Or sleeping.”

Katsuki was beside himself with worry. He was immediately sitting in front of his boyfriend, caging you in between them as he began looking you over. “What the hell is goin’ on?”

You didn’t want to tell them. Your throat was sore from crying, and you felt stupid for being so upset. So, you did the only logical thing you could think of and buried your face in Kirishima’s broad chest, clinging to his shirt weakly.

“Omega, please,” the big redhead pleaded, leaning his head down to scent you. “Tell us.”

You shook your head.

“We know Somethin’ is wrong, so spit it out!” Katsuki barked.

His voice was harsh, but you felt a warm, gentle hand on your back that could only be his. The familiar touch made you sigh, and after a shuddery breath, the dam finally broke.

“Th-there was an alpha,” you whimpered, voice muffled by Kirishima.

“What the fuck did they do?” Katsuki growled, his voice deep and savage. It sent a chill down your spine and you whined, clinging to Eijirou for dear life.

“Cut it out,” Kirishima snapped, snorting at his boyfriend angrily. “You’re making it worse.”

“I just wanna know what happened!” He grumbled, his hand pressing into your back.

You hiccuped as a little sob wracked your body. “A-an alpha I rejected, h-he told me…he told me that I wasn’t good enough for you.”

The low rumble in Kirishima’s chest was like nothing you had ever felt before. It was threatening and powerful, putting Bakugou’s growl a moment ago to shame. His arms tightened around you, the scent gland on his neck slipping over your hair as he tried to cover up your unhappy omega stink.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Kirishima snarled, uncharacteristically angry.

“Hey.” Bakugou slipped a hand around your waist, prying you away from the other alpha slightly. “Look at me.”

You faced him with teary eyes, and when you tried to shy away, he took your chin in his fingers.

“We fuckin’ love you. Okay? I don’t say it much. Maybe I should say it more. But it’s true, ‘n no stupid, two-bit, shitty-ass alpha knows anything about the three of us.”

He leaned forward, pushing you back up against Kirishima with his head resting on your shoulder. You finally sighed, surrounded by the scents of your alphas, allowing yourself to relax as the dam broke and your crying started all over again. This time, though, it was freeing, and as your alphas rocked back and forth with you, you felt the dread and the anxiety slowly leaving your stomach.

“Better?” Eijirou asked after a while.

“A little.” you said, voice muffled by his tear-stained shirt.

“Good.” Katsuki said gruffly, pulling you up to stand. “Let’s go get some food in you. Point that shitbag out if you see him...I wanna have a few words.”

#kiribaku #kiribaku x reader #Alpha!Kirishima #alpha!kirishima x reader #bakugou x reader #alpha!bakugou #alpha!bakugou x omega!reader #kirishima x reader #bnha #bnha imagines #abo #omegaverse

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myoirv · 3 years ago

Text

— tpn trio having a friend whos growing rather quickly

♡ — summary: how the trio would react to their friend going through female puberty

♡ — pairing: tpn trio x fem! reader

♡ — warning: female puberty? mentions of boobs bouncing, nothing else I'm aware of

♡ — word count: 615

♡ — genre: fluff!! slight angst at the end if you squint

♡ — notes: this is re-posted! so if it looks similar that's why!! this fic is definitely inspired by my 11-year-old body so i hope someone relates TvT

norman

poor boy doesn’t even notice how fast you’re growing

norman of course knew you were gonna grow sooner or later, but he didn’t expect you to grow that soon.

he doesn’t say much about it, he just mentally notes how you’re probably gonna be acting differently now

if you’d ever feel uncomfy or out of place norman will be quick to praise you and just tell you affirmations on yourself (does that make sense-)

of course, he doesn’t know much about what you're going through but he quickly understands

norman would be flustered by how mature you're getting

the first time norman turned into (⑉´•˶˶̫˶ •`⑉), was when you were playing with the little kids tag

he was just watching you play and then he looked down- manz had to take a quick retake when he noticed you had something on your chest bouncing

at first, he thought it was just how your shirt was moving- but that quickly went out the drain when he saw it once more

flustered boy didn’t know how to comprehend what he just saw

it wasn’t anything bad obviously, but he just couldn’t realize how you were growing that quickly while your other siblings (the trio) looked like toddlers compared to you

ray

ray being the intelligent young boy he is , he already expected this in a way

he knew there was gonna be a time when one of the girls grew quicker than others- but he didn’t expect you to be that girl

he didn’t care that much about you growing quickly though

it didn’t help in any way so he just ignored it

but he would definitely tease you about it

“ouch- my chest hurts” you whispered, the pain of wearing a bra all day finally kicking in. “want me to soothe it?” ray asked with a smirk, his hands finding their way into yours. “fuck off”

if you ever showed discomfort with his teasing he’d quickly stop

but instead, shower you with praises- when you two are alone obviously >:3

he isn’t flustered by it like someone ^^

ray just thinks its unique about you, its not every day you see an 11-year-old grow that quickly

would take note of the foods you like during that time of the month and the mood changes you have

at this point, he knows more about girl stuff than you do

emma

emma doesn’t even know about that stuff yet-

it wasn’t until you guys had escaped grace field when she noticed

flustered ish emma has entered the fic >:3

she doesn’t really get it tbh- like she’s over here looking at you

and then back at herself

the moment she notices the differences between you and her- dear emma needs reassurance after that

she wasn’t really taught about having a period or was given a bra during the time you guys were still in grace field

so best believe she went to you for help

“y/n” emma murmured, her head hanging low in embarrassment. “yeah?” you offered the orange-haired girl a smile, your hand slowly making its way to hers. “whys it that you have-… those and i dont” emma asked, pointing a finger at your chest.

“oh!” you gasped in shock at the sudden question. “well” you paused, trying to find the right words, “everyone’s bodys different, it doesn’t matter if you have these or not. they don’t help you at all with anything, and to be quite frank- they only give you pain” you told the embarrassed girl.

“really?” emma inquired. “yeah! so be proud of the body you have emma!” you said before pulling the girl into an embrace. “thank you y/n”

all fics belong to @myoirv !! please do not copy my work <33

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yan-sideblog · 2 years ago

Note

Could I request the yandere boys reactions to a darling [he/they] coming out to them as trans? They've never let them 'return the favour' so to speak due to insecurity, and he's completely unaware that his boy is probably already fully aware that he's trans, but they're anxious and panicked about rejection.

TTwTT I've just been craving a bit of affirmation atm. Sorry if this ask is out of your comfort range- feel free to ignore it if it is askdjlkgjdsfl

For starters all of our beloved yan men are 1000% supportive. Also srry this took forever it got lost in my drafts 🤣.

Also this but applies to all of them. Lord help anyone who's ever made Y/N feel insecure or like he wasn't a "real man". Doesn't matter who it was, nobody disrespects his boyfriend and gets away with it.

Jack

There's a good chance he just sorta knows right off the bat but won't bring it up until his sunshine does.

Once he does tell him he's trans Jack is all praise and support, though he can be a little cheesy sometimes.

"I know how hard this can be. You did so well".

"People come in all different shapes and sizes sunshine. Being born different doesn't make you any less valid.".

Is likely to notice any insecurities rearing their ugly heads before he even shows signs and will do his best to dash them away.

Whether it's verbal reassurances or physical 😘.

Alan

At first Alan takes the no reciprocals thing as him just not being comfortable with taking that step yet and doesn't push it cause consent is key.

So he's surprised when he sits him down and explains that he's a transgender man.

Out of all of them he's the least likely to already know but is accepting none the less.

Reassures his doe eyes that he loves him regardless and will support him no matter what.

Will ask him questions about how he'd like to be supported.

Also makes it clear he won't push him to be physically intimate until he's comfortable.

Ren

Ren has the highest chance of knowing his Angel before he started identifying as a man/transitioning, not that he'd tell him that.

He'll point out how well certain trans anime characters are portrayed or off handedly mentioning some good news in the trans community to show support.

When he does come out Ren is holding his hand encouragingly while also tempering his facial expression.

"I'm so happy you feel comfortable enough to share this part of yourself with me Angel.".

He's definitely gonna be extra doting for a little while afterwards. Both to reassure his angel and because he is so happy.

Peter

Ok so he either figured it out during his stalking or on one of the nights he got a little handst.

And while he is still a major hornball he won't be as pushy with physical stuff since he does want him to feel comfortable in his body.

When his darling does finally tell him he's ecstatic he can FINALLY be more upfront with his support and acceptance.

Will constantly tell him how handsome he is and that he's 10× the man most guys are.

Kinda makes it obvious he knew but never outright says so.

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luna-writes-stuff · 3 years ago

Text

Motion Sickness, Xu Shangqi

Yes, I wrote this out self projection. I myself have a very weak stomach and can therefor very easily and quickly catch motion sickness.

For those interested about what motion sickness is and what it means for me: Quick story of it, my stomach cannot stand a lot of motion, especially when my brain is unaware of the direction my body is moving in. I get nauseous and light headed and just feel the bile rising up in my throat. So when I go on long car rides for vacation and I cannot see the navigation, I could easily throw up in the car in a matter of seconds. When I sit on the wrong side of the car, I get sick. When I look anywhere else but outside in the car, I get sick. When the car is taking turns instead of driving straight ahead, I get sick. It’s really annoying and it’s still something I struggle with a lot. I get it on amusement rides, rollercoasters, boats; even when I just move around to quickly or too much. So when I was watching that scene in Shang-Chi where they drive to Ta Lo, all I could think about was how terrible I would’ve been in that situation. And it inspired me to write this (stupid as it may sound.) Yes, I am aware there is medication for this, but it happens a lot of the times and would I keep using and buying it, I would spend way more money than I actually need to. I only use it for long car rides and boat trips.

Fanfic, female! reader

Fluff, bit of angst

Tw: SPOILERS, motion sickness, description of nausea, lightheadedness, description of vomiting, rising temperature, half consciousness, self projected, description of losing consciousness (but not really), Shang-Chi being worried, established relationship, use of Y/N. Also, I could not find the script anywhere, so half of the dialogue is probably wrong.

Summary: When escaping Wenwu’s home, you join the ride to Ta Lo, even as you are aware that you get severe motion sickness in cars and most definitely will end up throwing up later. Shang-Chi knows this and tries to help, but you can’t talk nausea out of someone. Upon arriving in Ta Lo, you’re barely conscious and Shang-Chi gets concerned.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Shang-Chi asked, as you sat outside the car you just escaped in.

The ride from Wenwu’s home had been difficult to say the least. You got very nauseous in car rides, and you knew that, yet you wanted to be there for Shang-Chi when he would travel to his mother’s village. It was already clear it was not going to be an easy journey, but you insisted on joining the ride.

At the moment, you were catching some fresh air after the eventful car ride earlier. You forced your nausea down, smiling up at Shang-Chi.

“Oh yeah. I’ll be fine.” You assured, standing up and taking a deep breath in.

“You know you don’t have to come along.” He tried again, but you ignored his offer.

“I said I’ll be fine.” You insisted, walking back towards the car. Shang-Chi let out a sigh of defeat before opening the door to the passenger seat.

“Actually, Trevor was going to sit there. Seeing as he kind of holds the information and stuff.” Katy said, gesturing towards the man behind you two.

“He can do that from the back.” Shang-Chi said, but you shoo’d him, opening the door behind the passenger seat.

“I can sit here too.” You announced, sitting down before your boyfriend could say anything about it.

“Y/N-“ “Don’t Y/N me.” You interrupted. “If I get sick, it’s my own damn fault.”

He groaned before stepping in on the other side, his sister seated between the two of you.

“Is something wrong?” She asked, looking towards you with a worried glance.

“She gets sick in car rides.” Shang-Chi announced, putting on his seatbelt.

“Don’t worry.” You reassured her, “If I’m going to throw up, I’m going to aim for Shang-Chi. You’ll be fine.”

“You’re going to throw up?” She questioned, frowning at the statement.

“I’ll try not to, if it’s any consolation to you.” You offered, throwing off your jacket before bundling it up and letting it rest on your lap, holding it against your stomach lightly.

“I hope you’re strapped in. Morris tells us we need to leave now.” Trevor announced, simultaneously making Katy push the gas.

As you’re driving, Katy keeps a steady pace, causing a feeling of relief to wash through you. If this was going to be the pace you’d keep during the ride, nothing could really go wrong.

In front of the car, the trees suddenly started to separate, creating a road for Katy to drive on. You gasped at the sight, having never seen anything like it before.

“This is so cool.” Katy quietly awed. You hummed in agreement, staring at the greens out of the window.

“Morris says you might want to speed up.” Trevor announced, looking at the rearview mirror. Katy followed his look, before letting a curse word slip and speeding up. All three of you in the back quickly looked behind, eyes widening at the sight of the trees closing back.

You turned around the second you saw what was happening, not ready to move forward while looking back.

“Take a left.” Trevor instructed.

“When?” Katy wondered, sparing the man a single glance.

“Now!” He ushered.

Katy took a sharp turn at his words, causing you to immediately grab hold of the handle on the door. Xialing and Shang-Chi both fell towards your side, not having prepared for the turn. You let out a little chuckle at the sight of them, but stopped as the familiar feeling of nausea hit you again.

“Right!” Trevor instructed. Yet again, Katy listened to him, taking a sharp right turn as the woods split into two again.

You had yet to let go of the handle, but you figured it might the closest thing you’d get to grounding at the moment. You felt Shang-Chi’s eyes drill holes into your head, but you refused to look at him. Instead, you kept you eyes on the window outside, knowing shooting your glance anywhere else might lead to some unfortunate consequences.

“Right again!” And at those words, the car stumbled around. Your stomach started feeling heavy as your head grew lighter, but you refused to acknowledge it, silently wishing for it to be over soon. You knew what would happen. You brought this upon yourself and you had no one to blame but yourself. You were in this now and you would not complain about it.

“Left!”

The next turn came completely unexpected to you, causing you to lose grip of the handle and the jacket on your lap, your hands trying to hold onto the seat in front of you.

As the car was on a straight line again, Shang-Chi quickly leaned over, grabbing your jacket and handing it to you, before opening your window slightly, allowing fresh air to fill the car. He shot you a silent look before returning to his seat.

“Drive faster!” Trevor urged, looking in the rearview mirror again. The forest seemed to close in behind you in an even faster rate now.

Katy just followed his lead, pushing the gas pedal down all the way. The car was hurled forward as your stomach began to flip. You leant your head against the window, your jacket pressed tightly against your stomach.

“Right!” Trevor yelled, the wind that blew into the car now becoming louder than his voice.

As Katy followed his directions, your clothes began to uncomfortably cling to your body, your hair slowly sticking to your forehead. You felt the bile rising up your throat, but you swallowed it back down, knowing there was no way of stopping now.

As Trevor kept shouting instructions, you began to wonder when this maze would end. It had been more terrible than you predicted. Perhaps the nausea of the earlier car-ride still lay heavy on your stomach, which only increased with the current journey. Or maybe the fact that there were no blinkers or navigation used, made your brain confused and uncomfortable, leaving you with a sickening feeling. Perhaps it was a combination of both.

Had this been a bad idea?

Definitely.

Would you ever confess it?

Never.

“Close the window!” Trevor yelled to Katy, holding his hands over his ears.

“Do not close the window!” Shang-Chi shot after him, holding his hand beside Katy’s seat, leaving her unable to access the window buttons.

Your head rested against the backside of the chair in front of you, trying to keep the dizziness at bay, but with every following turn, you felt that uncomfortable substance rising back up. Your head felt too light to lift it now, but your stomach forced you to keep it up before everything would come back out.

You let your head fall towards the window, keeping it up in order to swallow everything down again. The sour feeling stung your throat, nearly making you gasp in uneasiness, but you did your best not to show it. The open window that provided you with fresh air, had begun to lose its purpose, now only filling you with a loud pounding in the ears, every other word suddenly passing by unheard. It wasn’t until you felt a warm hand on the one that clung to your jacket, that you moved your head.

Before even looking, you knew it was Shang-Chi, but there was little he could do for you now. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he held out a bottle of cold water and a plastic bag. You gratefully took the offer, taking small sips from the bottle before placing the plastic bag on top of your jacket, just in case things would go sideways.

Your hands had grown all warm and soggy, nearly gliding off of the fabric. Your shirt was now nearly glued to your back. The hair you had refused to put up earlier was now suffocating your neck with a heat attack. You could feel the sweat of it fall down your body, making you move uncomfortably in your seat. A sharp ringing filled your ears, your vision showing black dots from time to time.

The car increased its speed suddenly. You had no idea what was happening, but you closed your eyes, not willing to look outside anymore. You needed your focus on your body, trying so desperately to maintain it.

Katy’s screaming disturbed the ringing in your ears as you felt an annoying banging against your brain.

And just like that, the car stopped moving. Heavy breathing was heard all around the car, but you had yet to open your eyes. The nauseating feeling was far from over. You figured it was best to continue driving before you would have to experience everything again.

“Everyone okay?” Katy asked, which went answered by multiple hums.

“Morris says to go right through there.” The man in front of you announced.

“Through the waterfall?” Katy asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Was the simple answer.

And then, the car was moving again. You heard the window beside you shut, but you made no intention to open your eyes yet.

“Y/N?” You heard Shang-Chi ask, but you ignored him, waving your hand towards him in a “let it go” manner.

How long the car had been driving afterwards, you did not know. You didn’t look outside, the earlier trip still heavy on your stomach. It wasn’t until the car suddenly stopped, that your stomach decided enough was enough, and resorted to throwing everything out.

You were hunched over the bag in your hands, the vomit slowly leaving your throat, much to your discomfort. You felt two gentle, yet unfamiliar hands wrap around your hair before tying it in a simple pony tail.

Your body felt as if it was on fire, your shirt definitely drenched by now. You tried to catch your breath, but you threw yourself back over the bag before you knew it. A second round falling out just as terrible as the first one.

You could hardly comprehend the door beside you opening, followed by a hand slowly, but steadily rubbing your back. You kept yourself above the bag, even though you were fairly sure you were done now. You began tying it, but it was taken from you before you could grab the ends.

As you unbuckled yourself and stood back up, black spots appeared in your vision again, making you stumble outside, before forcing you to sit down, your back against the car.

“Babe, can you hear me?” You faintly heard, making you hum silently, leaning your head against the car too, your eyes closing again.

“Are you okay?” He asked again, the voice now nearer.

“I just threw up twice. What do you think?” You mumbled.

Your statement went ignored, a soft hand being placed on top of your head instead.

“You’re burning up.” He remarked, untying your hair and wrapping it in a bun instead, making you sigh in relief.

“Give me a few minutes.” You stated quietly.

“Can you give me that bottle of water?” You followed up in a whisper. It was quiet for a moment before you felt the cold bottle back in your hands. You finished it quickly, handing it back when you were done.

“Do you need anything else?” He wondered again, his hand softly touching your cheek.

“A cold shower.” You mustered out, throwing your head forward, making it rest against Shang-Chi’s chest. “And a few painkillers.”

A low chuckle escaped his throat as his hand rested on your back, making you since slightly at the hot and sweaty shirt now being pushed against your body.

“Can you move yet?” He whispered patiently, letting you go, though he allowed your head to keep resting against him.

“Give me a moment.” You muttered, one of your hands falling to your stomach as if it would calm it down.

“That’s okay.” He answered, shifting a little bit before resting his head on top of yours, one of his his hands connecting with the one that was on your stomach.

“Xialing is doing the talking anyway.” He explained, his second hand falling to your neck and stroking it affectionately.

“Tell me when to get up.” He proposed, letting you pick your time and comfort.

You hummed in response, happy to be in his arms back on solid ground. You tried turning in your position, but your body quickly show down the idea, fresh nausea returning fast.

Shang-Chi understood what you were trying to do, luckily. He grabbed your waist, carefully turning you around, making your back rest against his chest.

“You’re drenched in sweat.” He noticed aloud, though that was the only thing he did about it.

Your head fell back in the crook of his neck, making Shang-Chi smile and rest his head against yours. Your hand tried reaching for his, even though you could not see anything right now.

“You want more water?” He misunderstood, his voice vibrating through his chest.

You just shook your head lightly, grabbing his arm and letting your hand slide down it until your hand connected with his. He squeezed it in comfort, before wrapping his arms around your body, holding you against him tightly, your hands toying with his fingers.

“I’m tired.” You whispered. “Do you mind if I fall asleep right here?”

Once more, Shang-Chi chuckled. “Of course not, babe.”

“Thank you.” You mumbled, sinking into his arms, nausea slowly subsiding as your mind finally drifted off.

You were glad he had been understanding, instead of cocky and full of himself at the moment. He did not mention your stubbornness earlier or your stupid comments. And you were thankful for that. You were far too tired or nauseous to deal with these comments now. They’d have to wait until tomorrow morning. Besides, a cold shower was next on the agenda, whether Ta Lo had that or not.

Taglist: @wlfstxr

#shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #shang chi #Xu shanqi #simu liu #marvel #MCU #Avengers #shangqi x reader #shang chi x reader #shang chi imagine

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hansensgirl · 4 years ago

Text

please don’t take him (even though you can).

summary. | She can have anyone she wants, but you can never love again. Not without him.

warnings. | Major angst, cheating, nightmare mentions, anxiety, yearning, nail-biting, insecurities, mental heath issues, mentions of violence, abandonment, implied smut, talk of death, grief, some religion stuff (not major), loneliness, mentions of torture, PTSD, split personality disorder i think, this is really angsty and possibly triggering so please be aware of the warnings! 18+

word count. | 12k.

pairings. | Bucky Barnes x Reader, Winter Soldier x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff.

a/n. | THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 6K!!! i love each and everyone so much like serious i will kiss you all!! happy valentine’s day as well!! based off of jolene by dolly parton and love by daughter. thank you to my love @mypoisonedvine for beta-ing and listening to me talk about this fic every now and then! ilysm! this fic is very near and dear to me, so please reblog it 🥺

The Soldat’s sentences are broken, just like he is. The words fall apart as soon as they roll off of his tongue. So much to say, so few words, so little time. His hands are as cold as the bitter Russian winters, as cold as his stare. The Soldat doesn’t know what to feel. He’s as numb as when one’s entire body has been bitten by frostbite.

His voice is deeper than it was for the man he once was. From the screaming, from the crying, from the torture. He has no control, not even over his own voice. He keeps quiet and thinks. He thinks, and he thinks, and he thinks. Something has dawned on the Soldat. He does have control. But for how long? He only has it for a few minutes, maybe even hours. But it’s enough. He only has it until the soul of his mission’s body has left. He only has it until their eyes hold no life in them.

It’s 2014, and the first sentence he has completed is “I love you.”

You can remember it well. November 17th, the snow had fallen early and neither of you were prepared. Milk intended for hot chocolate boils on the stove and the crackle that the fire brings was the only sound in the room. He watches you from afar as you slowly stir the milk with a wooden spoon — the only one that he hadn’t accidentally snapped.

He doesn’t like the cold, he never has. Though he’s always warm, the cold haunts and taunts him. Memories and nightmares come with the snowfall and ice. “Are you okay, Winter?” you ask him, and he snaps out of a blank trance.

Winter. He likes being called Winter, although he loathes the season.

He nods his head after some careful thinking. Through the mess that is his mind, he manages to ask himself if he’s okay. Is he? No, he isn’t. He’s not sure why he nodded, but damn is he grateful for that smile you give in return. One in a million, you’re a burning star. The brightest there is, and the shiniest diamond ever. You’re rare, the person who poets write about and singers cry about. But you’re the only one for him. Only his.

“What flavours, Winter? Would you like to try something new?” you ask him, bringing the heat down and taking the milk off of the stove. Winter gets up from his spot near the fireplace and strides over to you. He likes the way you don’t choke in fear when he walks towards you.

You show him the numerous flavours of cookies you had baked that morning, and allow him to take as long as he’d like to choose. “M…” He struggles to say the word, scared that he’s being too demanding and that it’s a trick. HYDRA often did that. Fooling him just so that they could harm him, even though they never really needed a reason. “You can have anything you want, Winter. Anything.”

You reassure him, hesitatingly putting your warm hands on his warm face. He looks up at you, and you give him a soft smile that makes him want to cry with love. “Macadamia?” he requests politely. You hand him the macadamia cookies and smile, before grabbing one of the chocolate bombs you and he made the other day.

“Would you like to pour the milk, Winter?” you question him, grabbing his favourite mug. It was white and had a cheesy pun that always made him smile. “Yes.” He keeps his answers short, scared that he’ll say the wrong thing, or that he’ll abuse his privileges. The stories… The harsh stories they tell about him contradict him. He looks just like that feared soldier; the one you should run from.

But God, he’s just a broken man. Not too far past repairing, but just enough that it takes certain special tools to fix him. He towers over you like a brute, a powerful stare that would make anyone but you cry. He takes the carton of milk for you, cracking a slight smile when he remembers that you were so weak that your hands would shake when lifting it.

Your heart warms as his lips stretch. Before, you weren’t sure if you even had a favourite sight. But now… now you know. He’s your favourite sight. He pours the milk with shaky yet careful hands, and you envy his strength through your admiration. He stops just at the right time without having you tell him. Independence. He’s learning.

You break pieces of chocolate into the cup and let the hot milk melt the sweet treat, before adding a dash of cocoa powder. You both watch in wonder and awe as the milk turns into hot chocolate. Winter takes his cup from you, and thanks you. “You’re welcome, Winter,” you say, placing your cold hands on the mug.

He watches as you sigh at the warmth, knowing that your body doesn’t radiate as much heat as he does. “S- Share?” he offers you, taking note of how you’re slightly shivering. You nearly choke on your hot chocolate as he proposes the utmost tempting action ever. “My blanket…” He adds on, making you take note of the blanket your father gave you that rests on his shoulders.

It’s not necessary, but it gives him a type of comfort that only you can give as well. “Please?” you ask, shivers crawling up your spine and goosebumps rising on your skin. You walk closer to him, padded feet barely making any noise as they rest on top of creaky wooden floors.

He opens the blanket like wings and takes you under his arm like a bird. Ready to show you the world, even the nastiest bits and pieces of it. He wraps the majority of the blanket around you and he’s infatuated with the relaxation that you radiate. No threats, no impending dooms. You stand side by side, not so silently sipping on your hot chocolate because you love the little smile he gives at the slightly loud slurps.

Winter doesn’t know what comes over him. Courage? Cowardice? A spur of love? His mind is too messed up to think that clearly. He turns you around to face him, the blanket falling to the floor with a slight thud. Who knew wool could be so heavy?

Heavy like your heart. Heavy like the tension that lingers.

Perhaps it’s not courage or cowardice, and in fact, it’s Bucky who used to flirt like a maniac with every girl in the neighbourhood. He bends down and plants a kiss on your lips — at least that’s what he thinks it is. You’re easily goo beneath his coarse hands as they cup your cold face. He doesn’t move his lips and you don’t either. You’re both content with the simple yet unique kiss.

He pulls away and you have to admit — you’re breathless. From both the lack of air and from happiness. It’s rare to have such feelings be reciprocated. “I love you,” he bluntly admits, and never in your life have you been so shocked. “W- What?” you ask incredulously, taken aback yet you can already feel your body, soul and mind taking off to cloud nine.

“I love you.”

He repeats himself and God knows he’s willing to say those three words and eight letters over and over again just for you. “You do?” you ask him, feeling tears well in your eyes. “Yes. I love you. Love has immense, yet measurable effects and changes in the biochemistry of the brain. I mean- my brain? The three basic parts of love are driven by unique blends of brain chemicals…”

He pauses to take a deep breath.

“Every time I look at you, I have the term, ‘butterflies in the stomach.’ It’s caused by a reduction in blood flow to the stomach. I have the strongest urges to protect and love,” he explains with more words than ever.

Never in your life have you ever heard the words that are pouring out of his mouth. “Do you…?” he nervously questions, feeling his heart palpitations speed up at such a rate, it’s like he’s having a heart attack.

“I love you, even more, Winter.”

It’s 2016, and your Winter is almost a different person.

His name is Bucky– James, he tells you. You call him Jamie. Information discovered from trips to the museum and paragraphs of articles and textbooks fill out the blank spaces of his life. Apparently, students learn about him and the rest of the Howling Commandos in school. But you haven’t been, so you wouldn’t know.

The night terrors are tough, but they’ve been slowly improving with you by his side. You’re both broken in your own ways, but you have each other, and that’s enough. He doesn’t mind it when you call him Winter, but you know it makes more sense to call him by his true name. You’re fine with anything, as long as you have him.

“My, my… Did you wake up in a good mood?” you ask him, hugging him carefully from behind because you know that sometimes he doesn’t want to be touched. That’s fine. “Maybe… I was thinking of going out today. Alone. Will you be safe?” he asks you, handing you the best meal he can scrounge up. Biscuits and tea. “Always, because I have you,” you tell him, making him give you a sad smile.

You don’t have a table, so he lifts you up onto the counter that is next to the sink. Inside, there are stacks of dishes. Neither of you have the energy to wash them, but today you will, to keep yourself busy. He’s already dressed; tight red henley on top of two more sweaters that are stretched out over his broad chest.

Jeans that barely fit his thick legs, combat boots that he stole and a cap that conceals his identity from wandering eyes. He watches as you eat, just in case you accidentally bite your tongue, burn yourself or choke. He’ll always be there for you. “Did you eat?” you question him, breaking your last biscuit and handing the bigger piece to him.

At first, he refuses to take it. Doubts from HYDRA still linger, they never can go away even with the most reassurance and love from you. “Please? You can lie and you can choose to not answer, but at least take this,” you beg, placing the half in his gloved hand. He presses a chaste kiss to your lips; the taste of orange pekoe tea making him sigh.

He’s always been partial to green, even though he can’t recall ever drinking it. He reluctantly eats the piece and you stare him dead in the eyes as he does so. “You know I’ll always love you, right?” you speak up once he’s finished. You know all the proper manners like they’re written on the back of your hand. When you were younger, they were.

In loopy cursive. Black Sharpie ink settling into your skin and you can remember the way your father scolded you for doing so. The memory is fresh, fresh like the tears you notice in Bucky’s eyes. He nods, and you down the rest of your tea. You never had a preference between tea and coffee. You were grateful to have either.

They both had their flaws, and they both had their strengths. “And I’ll always love you, лунный свет,” he whispers, closing the space that divides you both. His lips — slightly chapped yet so soft — are pressed against your cold forehead. Your mouth falls open in a gasp, but it’s not one of surprise.

No.

It’s of satisfaction, and you find yourself doing it more often than once. “What does that mean?” you ask him as you trace the teacup with one of your fingers. There’s still a bit of tea inside of it, but it’s barely anything. Not enough to quench a thirst. But since it’s come from him and since his murder-scarred hands made it, it’s enough for you.

Your finger dips, and it’s only then when you notice there’s a small chip. You don’t resent the cup for it, no, not at all. In fact, you find yourself a bit more enamoured with the piece of cheap china in your hands. “Moonlight,” he bluntly tells you, before taking the cup from your hands. You don’t even realize it until he replaces it with his hands.

Oh… He doesn’t like it? Now– now you hold a little bit of resentment towards it because if James doesn’t like it then maybe you shouldn’t. “Why?” you ask as you wrap your hands around his. You lace your fingers together and you can feel the stark contrast. On one hand — your right hand — your skin is comforted by the cotton glove he wears.

On your left hand, your skin is comforted by his bare, rough hand. “Well, лунный свет, what do you think it means?” he asks you in return as you trace the stitches on his glove and the grooves of his hand. “I… I’m not sure. I’m sorry,” you apologize to him. Your head ducks down in disappointment, but not with him. It’s for yourself, as always. “Don’t be, sometimes we don’t know everything,” he tells you softly, “and that’s okay.” His words reassure you as always.

“You’re just like moonlight. You’re wise, the brightest of them all. No matter how small you make yourself, you always manage to make everyone marvel at your beauty. You’re mysterious, always a surprise, but only for some. Your aura– your brightness, it never ceases to amaze people. It helps me through the darkest times. The world needs you, I need you,” he monologues to you, and you find yourself at a loss of words. “James…” You whisper, looking up at him.

His eyes are still a bit bloodshot, but they’re glassy and you can see right into his soul. “I love you, лунный свет, until the end of love,” James whispers to you, and he places a chaste kiss on your lips. “I love you, even more, Jamie, until the end of love. Until the end of time,” you whisper back, shutting your eyes. Bucky squeezes your hands, and you do the same in return. His head slightly knocks yours as he places his forehead against yours.

“Until the end of time, лунный свет.”

It’s still 2016, and you’ve lost your Jamie.

And it’s not like he’s somewhere in a sea of people, or some nook of a large building. No, he’s gone and you don’t know how to get him back. He told you to wait in the park that nobody usually goes to. Well, if you count both yourself and James as nobodies. You watch from afar as destruction and terror rips your home apart, and you pray that James is okay. You need him.

Surprisingly, nobody notices you. You wear most of James’s clothing, as it all couldn’t fit in the two backpacks he packed. You don’t mind, because you’re trying to forget about the small gun that’s in your boot. You don’t even know how to use it, and he knows that. “It doesn’t matter, лунный свет, once they see you with a gun, you’ll automatically be the strongest person there.” His words echo in your mind and so do his actions.

He dressed you in a rushing manner. His eyes kept locking with yours. Through his soft, almost scared complex, you can see the soldier you met two years ago –– only murder in his eyes, ready for a mission.

You bite your nails and try to ignore the screams from passersby “Until the end of time, until the end of time, until the end of time, until the end of time…” You repeat the phrase over and over, hoping the Gods above can hear the plea in your voice. “Please don’t take him, even though you can, please don’t take my Jamie,” you beg out loud, looking up to the sky that greys the same way old memories do.

He’s not okay, he's probably dead… And you left him there to suffer. How selfish could you be?

“Shut up.”

I’m not wrong, I never am. I wasn’t wrong about Father, was I?

“I… That’s different.”

Is it though?

You bite your tongue, whatever snarky remark you just had has now lost itself in the mess that is your mind. You’re conflicted as always. Should you stay, and let Jamie get hurt? Or should you help him? You spend a good few minutes repeating those questions over and over. You feel like you have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. You let out a satirical laugh, and you know that you seem insane.

Two days ago, you had brought up a saying to Jamie.

“My father… He had this saying. When someone has lived their full life, but it still seems to go on and on, it means that God and the devil haven’t come to an agreement yet,” you tell him, pulling at a thread that hangs on his jacket. “An agreement about what, лунный свет?” he asks you, looking up from the pamphlet he stole from a museum in a town near Bucharest.

It’s crumpled, but everything is legible still. “Who has to take them,” you smile up at him, and he returns it. “Perhaps, that's what's happening. They’re still arguing, still negotiating. That’s why you’re still here. If one of them were ready to take you, they would’ve done so already. But they haven’t,” you explain to him in your usual soft voice. He once told you that your voice is one of the best things to listen to.

Better than music, better than laughter, better than the admissions of ‘I love you’ you tend to trade.

“Maybe you’re right, лунный свет. You know, you’re different from the rest of us– them,” he whispers to you, taking in the way your face creases in certain spots when curiosity takes over. “How so, Jamie?” you ask him, setting down the needle, roll of thread, and jacket. “You have hope, faith,” he starts, “it’s both dangerous yet helpful. It’s what separates you from the demons of the world.”

“лунный свет!” James calls out. You look up from the ground and the movie of your life with James pauses. “Jamie…” You whimper, taking in his form. He’s bruised and battered, cut up and injured. Just like when you found him on the porch of your home. “Oh, Jamie… What happened?” you ask him, feeling yourself begin to panic. Your heart quickens, and you rush to him like he’s about to die.

“We have to go, лунный свет. It’s a hideout, it’s for your own safety,” he briefly explains to you and he grabs your arm. His grip is perfect. Not too tight, but not too gentle. You can tell he’s scared, but you know he’ll never admit it. “I have to go fight, but I’ll be back for you. Do you know the Avengers? It’s– Argh– We don’t have enough time. But I’ll tell you all about it later, лунный свет.” James is all business and nothing else.

You’re worried, so worried. But you have hope, and you have faith, and you know everything will be okay in the end. “But you’ll stay safe, right, Jamie?” you question him. He doesn’t respond, the only thing coming from him are grunts of pain and puffs of determination. “Answer me, Jamie. Promise me you’ll stay safe,” you demand of him in a strong voice. Never in your life have you ever raised your voice like this, but when it comes to James’s safety, you no longer care.

“I promise, лунный свет, until the end of time.”

It’s still 2016, and your Jamie is going away.

He’s leaving this world, but it’s for himself. You hold back all the pleas, all the begging you have in your body because you know he wants this. He needs this. His train is going to depart soon, off to a faraway land. A cold one, to be exact. You feel tempted to remind him how much he hates the cold, but you choose to keep your mouth shut. You’ve learned a lot in the past few days, more than when you were in high school.

Steve, Jamie’s past, what HYDRA is, the Avengers, the types of evil in this world–– They’re all things you’ve learnt. Your Jamie isn’t a different person, he isn’t. He just has more to him now. You replay the horrific memories of the past days in your mind over and over, even though you hated them. You look through the glass doors, and ahead of you is James in all his beatific glory.

In front of him, though, is the Black Widow. You don’t know if she’s from Jamie’s past, but you know they have a connection. The way they speak to each other; low and soft, just like summer rain. It’s almost the same way you speak to Jamie, but it’s not quite like it. He smiles up at her, and you remember how much you love his side-profile. It’s envious, really. But then again, Jamie is perfect in your eyes, despite his horrors and his scars of his past.

Of Winter’s past.

Your Jamie and Winter have their similarities. You’d make a list, but it would go on forever. You keep your eyes trained on his face, one of your favourite things to look at. Dare you say, he looks at her like no other. You’ve never seen this look on his face. But then again, your Jamie is going away and maybe it’s that impending nervousness. She looks at you. Her green eyes –– ones that just encapture you in the best way possible –– lock with yours. You feel insecure, almost as though she’s judging you.

But one of Earth’s mightiest heroes would never do such a thing.

She’s judging you, you know. Probably thinks you’re some nobody, some pathetic little girl who can’t even defend herself.

“No, she isn’t,”

And how can you be so sure?

Right. How can you be so sure? You watch as she gives James –– your Jamie –– a pat on the shoulder. She walks out, through another door and you feel as though she did that just to avoid you. And honestly, you don’t blame her. You walk in, hesitatingly of course. Each step of yours is wary. Your old, beaten-up sneakers barely make a sound against the floor. Your Father always said you walked like a ballerina and spoke like a princess.

“H– Hi, Jamie,” you quietly greet him. He looks up, his eyebrows drawn together and his lips are puckered in thought. He gives you a small ‘hi,’ and you smile at him. “Are you hurt anywhere?” you ask him, taking his form in again. His cuts and wounds are all bandaged and healed up. You recall the marvel that is the explanation of how he heals so quickly. The super-soldier serum, curated by HYDRA just for Jamie.

“No, Shuri and Helen fixed me up. And now, they’re gonna fix my mind,” he tells you, all while letting out a light-hearted chuckle. You smile again, just to ease the tense a bit. But even you can’t fix it. “I may be back to my old self, but I’m a walking time bomb. I’m dangerous, and I need to heal. For the sake of myself, and others,” he tells you sadly. He looks up at you and he gives you a grin that isn’t his usual happy one.

Yours falls, and his follows. “It’ll only be a year, maybe even a few months. Everyone here is smarter than Tony Stark, they’ll probably figure it out,” he reassures you just like how he used to whenever you got worried. You nod, and it’s just a farce. You’re not sure if you hope he can see through your façade or not. He sighs and looks at the door. The same door that Natasha walked out of just a few mere moments ago.

You don’t look back. You don’t follow his gaze. Why waste your time on something that will hold no meaning in the future, when you have the love of your life in front of you? You tilt your beard and swallow, just the way your mother used to. At least that’s what your father told you. “I love you, Jamie. I’ll always love you, until the end of time,” you whisper to him.

“And— And I love you too, лунный свет.”

It’s 2017, and along with your Winter, they’ve taken James’s love for you.

You don’t blame them. You don’t hate them. They’ve helped James heal, help him be better (even though God has already curated such perfection). The past seven hundred and thirty and then some days have been painful. The past seventeen thousand, five hundred-twenty hours have been slower than ever. It’s not like you’ve been keeping count. No, but Friday has.

The team — the Avengers — don’t allow you to come with them on their trip to Wakanda. You expected it. Ever since Steve and Tony put their differences aside for the sake of the world, you knew you’d be shunned from the team. Wanda, Sam, and Rhodey have tried to be friends with you, but after a debriefing with Tony, they couldn’t even lock eyes with you.

Once again, you don’t blame them.

You stay locked in your room, and you don’t mind it. It’s nice. It is true that people really do look like ants from such a height. You know the glass is bulletproof, but it feels like it’s seconds away from breaking. You love seeing the rain patter against the glass, just like how you love to see the snow melt as soon as it touches the clear surface.

You wonder if they’ve cut his long hair. You love his locks. Strands of brown mixing, the occasional lighter brown strands standing out. You love the length of his hair, too. Reaching just at his shoulders, and even past them. You love the way it tickles your face, especially when he bends down to kiss you.

You love everything about him. You always have, and you always will.

Your room is small. You can’t handle big spaces — Friday tells Tony, and he scoffs. Truthfully, you’re content with anything. He could’ve given you a broom closet to live in, and you wouldn’t complain. But you like small spaces. Big spaces make you feel a bit overwhelmed. Stark Tower has many wonderments to it.

For example — the technology. If you don’t like the scenery of the concrete jungle, you can change it to the view from Tony’s vacation home in the Hamptons. You always did have the wish to travel the world. From the streets of France to the lovely waterfalls in the Philippines. But the thought of being high up in the sky, with the small chance of crashing. It may be one in five million, but you won’t take the risk.

Even air crafts have their faults and flaws. Like having only two or three backup plans, the bathrooms, the limited space, the fact that if you pay extra you get better treatment, and the food options. But everyone looks past these things and they’ve been reduced to small issues that just don’t really matter. As long as the big picture looks perfect, the small details don’t matter.

You wish you could see yourself that way. A beautiful person at first glance. Where your details –– your flaws –– don’t mean anything. Because as long as the big picture is perfect, the details don’t matter. But you’re a detail-oriented person and every single thing matters. Even the little things that nobody will see. If only you could see yourself the way both Jamie and Winter see you. They know you have flaws, like the way you don’t like listening to helpful advice sometimes.

“Ms… Mrs. Barnes?” Friday calls out. You look up to where the voice comes from. Up above you, and a little to the side is a speaker. It’s small, barely noticeable. “Y- Yes, Friday?” you ask her, setting down the old mirror that was once your grandmother’s. It has a few cracks, but they aren’t serious enough to mess with anyone’s reflection.

“The Quinjet with Ms. Maximoff, Mr. Stark, Mr. Wilson, Mr. Rogers, Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Vision, Mr. Rhodes and Mr. Barnes is arriving,” Friday tells you. You swallow thickly — nervously. You may have been preparing all week, but all that effort goes down the drain. Will he act differently? Will he be ecstatic to see you? You ask yourself all these questions, and the answers to them just seem to taunt you.

“Will you be waiting at the entrance for them?” She speaks up after a few beats of silence. You nod before you remember Friday doesn’t have eyes. She can see, but she can’t see. “I will, Friday. Thank you,” you tell her. You set down the mirror with its face on the top of your dresser. You look around and you can just feel as though there is something missing.

Truthfully, you aren’t used to your room. You miss the wooden walls that held scratches from the furniture. You miss the coziness the fireplace emanated. You miss the view of the hills covered in snow. You miss it all. This concrete jungle isn’t made for you — you aren’t made for it. You stand up and with short steps (intentionally short), and the feeling of marble underneath your feet instead of wood works up your nerves even more.

You can hear commotion –– more so people whisper shouting at each other. “God, Rogers, get a grip! You look and sound like an old lady worrying about her grandchildren,” Tony snaps at Steve, before calling out for Friday. “Friday?” he yells, shoving one of his hands into the pocket of his pants. “Yes, Mr. Stark?” she answers back.

“Is the room ready?” he asks her, and the rest of the Avengers take a seat in the living room. “Yes, Mr. Stark. Welcome to the Avengers Compound, Mr. Barnes. If you need any assistance, just call for me.” Friday’s voice is always lovely. She reminds you of an aunt who is always ready to take care of her relatives.

You don’t hear Jamie’s lovely voice and you’re worried. You can see some parts of the living room from your spot in the hallway. “Just try not to kill any innocent people, okay?” Tony sneers, earning a smack on the shoulder from Pepper. Pepper always seemed nice to you, but your encounters with her were usually a bit awkward and short-lived. Steve is ready to throw his shield at Tony and so do the rest of the Avengers who were on the Captain’s side.

“’S fine, Steve. I deserve it anyway,” Bucky whispers loud enough for you to hear. Your heart jumps for joy — your Jamie really is back. You take another step, carefully, of course. “You don’t deserve that… Are you okay, Buck? Do you need to lie down? Drink water? Fresh air?” Steve attacks your Jamie like a mother and you can see why they got along so well in the past.

“I’m fine, Steve. Really. I just want to take a tour of this… this place,” Bucky admits to Steve, and Tony just can’t pass up the chance to roll his eyes. Bucky turns his head around as he takes in the large room. The television was so huge, he feels as though he is at the cinema. He doesn’t turn all the way around, so you must deal with the sight of his back. His clothes are nothing like the clothes he used to wear back in Romania.

He looks like he just attended his own funeral.

“You sure, Buck?” Steve asks him for reassurance. Bucky nods and he thinks about how much he misses his goats. “Alright, but remember to call for Friday if you get lost.” Steve pats Bucky on the shoulder and Tony is the first to walk out of the room, as usual. Pepper follows him, knowing how Tony gets whenever he sees Bucky. “Can I see my room first?” Bucky quietly asks Steve, making sure nobody else hears.

“Of course, Buck. It’s upstairs, is that fine?” Somehow, Steve believes that Bucky has a fear of heights. Though Bucky fell from a great height back in 1940-something, he’s not scared of heights. He’s more terrified of the cold and of trains, especially ones that run between mountains.

“Everything is fine, Steve,” Bucky snaps, growing tired of his best friend’s constant worrying. Steve raises his hands in surrender and you can tell Bucky doesn’t like that. “Hi, Jamie,” you greet quietly. You immediately regret ever leaving your room as everyone whips their heads around to face you. Bucky’s lips fall open in a gasp.

“Doll,” Bucky whispers beneath his breath. You take in his face and he’s just as beautiful as ever, if not more. Wisps of his hair fall and frame his face. He has a slight five-day-old scruff, one that is clean but also slightly messy. You remember the way you would sit in his lap, razor in hand, as you clean up the edges of Bucky’s beard.

He pushes past Sam, past Wanda, past everyone — hell, even past Steve who doesn't take the shove lightly. He nearly trips over the white couch that stands in the way. He comes up close to you, and you look up at him. You watch his eyes — but you don’t look into them. For some reason, you can’t seem to lock eyes with him. “Oh, my doll… I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers softly as he cups your face with his murder-scarred hands.

“Jamie…” You easily mimic his look of shock with a mix of adoration. You’re not sure how you ever said goodbye to the man in front of you — no, the man he used to be.

Now, he’s different. He’s not your Winter, your Winter is gone. They’ve taken him from you, and if it weren’t for the circumstances, then you would’ve fought them until the last tooth and nail. “I’m back, Doll, and ‘m all yours,” he whispers, bringing your face forward to his. You close your eyes and you think he’s going in for a kiss, but he stops when his lips are inches from yours.

“But I need to get better first, Doll. I need to get used to everything, is that all right?” He asks even though he should already know the answer. Right? You don’t know what they did to your Jamie. The rushed explanation filled with words you don’t understand only left you a confused mess. “Of course, Jamie. ‘Until the end of time,’ remember?” You whisper back.

He keeps quiet.

It’s still 2018, and you’re at an impasse.

You loathe impasses. You may persevere every now and then, but impasses just seem to love you. The saying, “you attract what you fear,” is terrifyingly true. You’re scared of impasses. You know they love to knock you down and kick you until you’re sputtering with blood leaking from the corners of your mouth that rarely ever turn up anymore. But they still occur.

It’s been a year and five months since Bucky came home, and each passing day has its difficulties. Whether it be nightmares, panic attacks or intrusive thoughts. But you’ve been there with him for every step. When he didn’t want to go to therapy alone, you went with him. When he couldn’t sleep after a rather gruesome nightmare, you told him some childhood stories. It feels like nothing has changed, truly.

But Jamie isn’t Jamie — and you don’t know what to do. “Jamie, do you want anything to eat?” You ask him, holding a plate of pancakes you whipped up once you knew nobody would be in the kitchen area. “Is– are those pancakes?” He asks you, turning around from his desk. You nod and look down at the impressive stack. Dr. Cho told you to make sure Bucky continues to eat. Sitting on the small table next to you – the ottoman – is a cup of steaming hot tea.

It’s not orange pekoe, it’s earl grey, Your father loathed it, saying that it’s meant for the elderly even though he had a head full of greys and aching joints. You’d laugh him off, but then pour him a cup of green tea. “Yes, some of them have blueberries,” you tell him, stretching your full arms out at him. You see that look of contemplation in his eyes again. “Would you like to eat with me?” You ask, knowing how he can get when those thoughts pester him.

“Of course, I’m all but a gentleman,” he jokes, and you give him a smile. “That you are, especially when it comes to the ladies,” you add, and he blushes. Bucky looks down and tries to hide the shy smile from you, and you allow him to do so. It’s not like you haven’t memorized every bit of Jamie, even down to the small things. “Is there any syrup? I’ve been craving sweets all morning.” Bucky grabs the second plate and he almost hesitates in grabbing a few pancakes.

You turn back around to get the tea, knowing that Bucky wouldn’t feel as embarrassed with taking food. “Here’s some tea, you don’t have to drink it, though.” You set the filled China cup on the glass table and the clink it gives lasts for a split second. “Remember when we would buy about three boxes of orange pekoe tea? Even though it wasn’t the best — especially since it was for so cheap — we’d still drink it like it was water,” you reminisce to him out loud as you take a pancake off of the stack.

There’s silence, and you swallow thickly. “It’s okay if you don’t remember, Jamie, I myself forget a lot of memories too,” you quickly reassure him, fanning the flames before they could even start to burn. “No, it’s not okay… I’m sorry,” he apologizes, gripping the specially made fork tightly. He hates it. It makes him feel like some sort of danger. Someone that breaks people and things so easily.

“Don’t be sorry, Jamie, or else I’m going to have to start apologizing for things that aren’t my fault,” you threaten him, and he cracks a smile. “Alright, only because I know you’re going to become annoying.” He grabs the syrup and drowns his pancakes with sticky delightfulness. “Yeah…” Your voice is all but monotonous with a hint of sadness.

He probably thinks you’re already annoying, you follow him around all the time… Do you ever let him do other things? Without you? Like hanging out with friends, healing on his own, cooking his own food… You’re so clingy.

“Shut up.”

You only want me to shut up because you know I’m right.

“What are you doing today?” you suddenly ask him. You haven’t dug into your pancakes yet, so you stare at the food in front of you with a strong glare. “Uh, well I’m not sure,” Bucky admits, and you only then realize how much you’ve held him back. “You should hang out with Sam, or Steve, or maybe even accompany Banner in the lab,” you suggest to him, looking at his plate. It’s nearly clean, with some streaks of syrups and a few occasional crumbs.

“Sam’s busy training with Steve, and I know Banner works best without someone hovering over him like a hawk — well, more so a raven. I’ll probably just hang out with ‘Talia, she’s been of great help with my healing.” Bucky takes the tea from your side and slowly sips it. “‘Talia?” you ask him. The name doesn’t ring a bell, but you’re sure that it’s a nickname. “Natasha, she went through something similar as me, so I’m hoping she can give me some advice,” he clarifies quickly.

“Oh, that’ll be great for you,” you exclaim to him. “I know… You don’t mind, do you?” he asks with one of his eyebrows raised. He’s never done that before. “Never. Go enjoy yourself, Jamie,” you urge in a soft voice, looking at him from the brim of his teacup. The sight reminds you of when you first moved away from the city.

The sun was rising in the distance. A few clouds shrewd over the lovely sight, but the yellows and oranges were stronger than the greys. From over the horizon, the sun made its way up to the sky. You watched from the porch with a blanket wrapped around your body. You miss those simpler days.

The ones where the only problems you had were the cold weather and the homework your father had given you. Sheets of paper sat on the table in the living room, with your multiplication tables written on them. Your sevens and eights always messed you up, but your father knew you could do it.

“Do you have any plans for today?” He questions, staring into the half-full cup. “I might go to that huge library Tony has, one of the agents was saying they have these seats called ‘bean bags,’ isn’t that funny?” You let out a harmless giggle, one of those small ones a protagonist would have that would make their love interest swoon. “I’ve sat on one. Not very nice. Natasha and I are the only ones on the team who hates them,” Bucky says as his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek.

The other day, you caught him with a mouthful of blood. It wasn’t from a punch in the face or a knife in the guts.

“Oh, maybe I’ll join you two,” you playfully tell him, wiggling your eyebrows to the best of your abilities. Bucky just stares at you, a small glint of humour in his eyes but it slowly disappears and your smile goes away along with it. “Hm.” He downs the rest of his tea and you wonder how he isn’t wincing with pain from the heat. Oh, right, he’s a super-soldier.

Bucky begins to stand up and moves to take the dishes to the kitchen but you quickly stop him. “It’s alright, I can take it,” you reassure him. Without realizing it, your hand strokes the wrist of his bionic arm. You look up at him and smile, instinctively giving him that look you used to give Winter. Bucky hesitatingly shrinks away from you, and your smile drops. Nononono– Too much…

He smiles and walks out the door, not even sparing you one of those lovely second glances. Sighing, you settle the plates upon each other and the tension leaves the room behind him. You’re careful to avoid the syrup on one of the plates. The feeling of stickiness against your dry, cold hands will be unpleasant.

The thought of it has you shivering. A small electric shock climbs up your spine and you’re glad that nobody is there to watch you shake it off. You carefully pluck the fork from Bucky’s plate and place it next to yours. “Hey, Friday?” you call out into the empty room. “Yes, Mrs. Barnes?” she answers, ready to be at your service.

“What books are there in the library?”

It’s been around 92 days since Jamie told you about him and Natasha, and you can feel reality slip through your fingers.

Bubbles of giggle erupt from the common room. Never in your life would you ever have called a living room the common room, but words always seem to stick. Just like the syrup on these plates that just don’t seem to go away. You don’t mind cleaning up after the heroes. You’re glad.

You have something to occupy yourself with, or else there’d be holes in the floor for your incessant pacing. You run semi-lukewarm water over the plates, hoping the dried syrup would melt. You recall the way your father would terrify you into loathing sweets. He’d show you the way syrup would ‘harden underwater’, and he’d tell you that’s what occurs in your blood.

It’s too bad that a few days later, you learned that blood is thicker than water and the world is filled with nothing but lies. It’s scary, really; trusting someone with your whole life while they toy you around like seeing you be oblivious is a pass time.

Your hands warm up under the water and suddenly you wish you hadn’t left your bed this morning. “Bucky, stop, my face is all red,” Natasha demands through her laughs, and James snorts. “So? I like seeing you red, it’s my favourite colour,” he retorts and Natasha rolls her eyes.

You can’t see the playful, friendly banter, but you can hear it. It makes you smile. You love knowing Jamie is having fun, he deserves it. “Hey, you,” Sam greets, walking into the kitchen. “H- hi, do you need anything?” you ask him, halting your movements.

“No, just got done training those new recruits and I’m already fed up,” he complains and you giggle. You know Sam is being light-hearted, so you don’t take his words too heavily. “Well, a busy man like you needs a big breakfast. There are some pancakes over there, help yourself.”

You wait until he busies himself so that you can continue to wash this plate. You look at it — it’s covered in a mix of suds, syrup and water. You notice there’s a small chip on the edge of the plate and you can’t help but wonder where the piece went. If it were a piece of clothing, you would accuse the washing machine. But it isn’t, so you suppose it just went missing.

You place the plate back in the sink and sigh, before grabbing a sponge. The colours always confuse you. How can two contrasting colours go so well together? It’s beyond you, truly. Maybe your grandmother would’ve known, she always did know a little bit about everything.

Maybe she’d know what’s wrong with you.

You don’t say anything, knowing that you might weird Sam out. You roughly scrub the syrup off and it’s a bit too joyful to see it all gone. “Hey, Sammie,” Natasha chirps, patting her fellow teammate on the shoulder. You halt your movements. “Hey, Nat. Are you doing anything today?” Sam asks her, his eyes following her.

“Other than hanging out with Bucky, no, not really.” She tells him. She stands right next to you, a little too close for your personal liking. She opens up the cupboard and you continue to wash the dishes. You ask yourself if she’s watching you, or if she’s judging you.

Looking up, you accidentally make eye contact with her. You quickly look away and you’re not sure if she does the same. “‘Scuse me,” she whispers, stretching over to the cupboard on the other side. You stare straight at the sink, but your eyes fail to miss the locket that hangs from her neck. It’s slightly opened, and it’s absolutely gorgeous. The gold is slightly aged, perhaps a gift from when she was younger. Or maybe she got it recently, and a battle in the fields damaged it slightly.

On the outside of the locket is an engraving. You squint your eyes to read it, as the shaking from her movements messes up the text. “Until the end of time…” You read in your mind, and you drop the plate in the sink. Everyone in the room flinches and Natasha steps away. Sam stops eating and you’re utterly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you quickly apologize, picking up the plate. It’s not broken at all, but you still feel so guilty.

Natasha looks at you for a brief moment and you look back at her. She darts her eyes to your still hands. If she focuses just a bit more, she could see the way they shake. You look at the locket one more time, trying to see the inside of it. You need to know who’s a photograph she cherishes. You need to know who she cherishes in her heart, until the end of time.

The black and white photo of Jamie moments before he was shipped out reveals itself, and your heart drops.

“Friday?” you call out, setting your book down onto the bed. You place your makeshift bookmark –– a polaroid of Bucky — into the page. “Yes, Mrs. Barnes?” she answers. “Isn’t it a good thing that Jamie is socializing with his teammates?” you ask her, sounding like a worried mother. “It is. It’s just what the doctor prescribed,” she jokes, adding a mechanical laugh to her words. “Well, more so his psychiatrist. Dr. Cho is the doctor he gets his medication from. And his psychiatrist suggested socializing,” she clarifies.

You wonder if she’s against the joke mechanism Tony added to her system.

You laugh, just to ease the tension but it doesn’t do anything since she’s an A.I and you’re the only person in the room. “Thank you for laughing, Mrs. Barnes,” she graciously says as much as she can. “If it’s a good thing, then why do I feel so…?” You trail off because you don’t know any words to describe the emotion you’re feeling. “Anxious?” she completes, and you sigh. “Yes, anxious,” you admit.

“The other day, I was washing the dishes. I could hear James and Natasha laughing. Jamie’s laugh was music to my ears. It was like that song you hear on the radio occasionally, you know? But he doesn’t laugh like that with me, he doesn’t laugh like that with anyone else,” you solemnly tell her. “He spends so much time with Natasha — and usually I wouldn’t mind, I wouldn’t even bat an eye — but it just makes me anxious, Friday.”

Your voice is filled with concern, and Friday herself has never heard you so worried. “She… She had a locket. It was gold and heart-shaped. It had a very special phrase engraved on it, and the picture inside is Jamie.” You swallow thickly as even you can’t fathom the words that are falling past your lips. “I held back from telling you this, but Ms. Romanoff and Mr. Barnes had a past together,” Friday admits.

“Pardon?” you ask incredulously. “Back in Hydra, Mr. Barnes trained Ms. Romanoff. They had secret romantic rendezvous and were in love. Then, when the Red Room and Hydra found out, they were separated,” Friday tells you. “It’s probably why they’re so close, Mrs. Barnes. She’s his most recent relationship before you,” Friday reasons to you. It makes sense, it makes so much sense. “Should I be worried, Friday?” you ask her, smoothing your hands over the sheets that you lay atop of.

“No, Mrs. Barnes. Would you like to know why?” she asks you. “Yes, please,” you whisper, looking down at your hands. They’re sweaty, yet so cold. “Because that was in the past, Mrs. Barnes. Mr. Barnes is in love with you, he’ll love you until the end of time,” Friday sweetly tells you. You smile and then dip your head. Bucky loves you just as much as you love him.

It’s been a month since the talk you and Friday had, and you’re starting to doubt her words.

You lie awake in your bed. Caffeine-provided adrenaline pumps through your veins. This isn’t the first time you’ve stared up at the ceilings since you’ve arrived. Ever since Sam made you a cup of coffee from the new machine Stark bought, the bags under your eyes have gotten worse. You warned Bucky about it and he laughed. Just not as hard as you wanted him to. At least he heeded your advice.

Bucky lays asleep next to you. He lays on his right side, even though laying on his left side would make more sense. Bucky always gets better sleep when he lays on his left. You crack your knuckles quietly, even though you can’t wake him up. He used to be such a light sleeper, only because of the vivid nightmares he would get. You hate when he would get his nightmares. The terrifying images that taunt him would always cause him to have a panic attack.

It’s been over a few months since his last nightmare.

You want to turn on your side so badly–– and you can. But your mind can’t help but make you wonder if he’ll wake up. You look to your side when you hear a snore escaping Bucky’s mouth. You let out a coo, even though you used to think snoring was annoying. Your father’s snores would always bother you. You used to joke and say that one night, he’ll wake the sun up.

You gently turn on your left side and a small part of you hopes he’ll do the same. Maybe then you’ll get some warm cuddles to make your sleep. You shut your eyes because the city lights are far too bright at night. The sheer curtains obviously can’t hide New York’s bustling and liveliness. You slow your breathing down and relax your body. Hopefully, sleep can come to you soon.

Next to you lies Bucky. He’s quite literally in dreamland and he doesn’t want to ever wake up. Everything is so realistic, almost as though he’s living another life when his eyes are closed. He has a smile on his face, one that can charm almost anyone. The last time he had a dream like this wasn’t back in the forties — no. It was last night, and now sleeping is a lot better for Bucky.

Natasha giggles, loudly. It’s a cacophony of different sounds. It’s not fake, like the ones you hear on television. It’s real. It’s so vividly real that it makes his heart swell loudly. He looks to her first, making sure she’s enjoying herself before facing the judging stares from Tony and Rhodey.

His hand is intertwined with hers. He rubs his thumb on her skin and he knows what’s running through her mind. She shoots him a look, one that he chooses to ignore. He gives her a smirk and then brings her hand up to his face. He closes his eyes and presses a kiss on the diamond ring she wears.

The scenery changes.

It’s some time in 1992, and he’s holding onto her tightly. She’s asleep, with her locks of auburn hair spread out against the floor. She lays on his chest, and he makes sure she’s comfortable enough with him. Sure, his spine may ache and his under-eye bags may have deepened but he doesn't care.

“Natalia?” he whispers, checking to see if she’s asleep.

She’s knocked out cold and he’s glad. After what he just put her through, he doesn’t blame her. Hours upon hours of what they both like to call ‘training’ has her sleeping like a baby. He chuckles, and he hopes the rumbles in his chest don’t wake her up.

“Hi, Winter,” she hums, rousing from her sleep.

He curses and she giggles. Natalia rubs the tiredness from her eyes and she stretches as much as her body allows her to. “How long until they come?” she asks him. He looks to the make-shift alarm he stole from a mission and sees an hour marked on it. “One hour, Natalia,” he says.

She hums in delight. “Do you think this one hour will take a while? Or will it go by as fast as light?” she questions. Her accent is heavy, but it’s so beautiful. “Fast. Time well-spent goes by fast,” he tells her. “And how do you know this will be time well-spent?” she looks up at him.

“Time spent with you, is always time well-spent, Natalia.”

You hold your breath. Bucky mumbles sweet nothings to Natalia — Natasha. You want to cry so badly but then again, you don’t want to wake Jamie up from his dark paradise. You try to tell yourself it’s just a dream, that everything will be okay and that there’s nothing to be worried about. But even your thoughts fail to reassure you about the man lying next to you. You don’t know whether you should wake him up, so you bite down on your bottom lip and hope that this whole thing is just a dream.

“Did you sleep well, Jamie?” you ask him, folding his laundry for him. He looks up from the book he’s buried in and nods. “Amazingly, I’m so glad I can finally get some shut-eye now,” he tells you. You hum and Bucky looks at you. “Is everything alright?” he asks. “Yeah. Just peachy,” you say. He mumbles a quick okay and goes back to reading his book.

Jamie has a wonderful attention span, so there’s no reason for him to be stuck on the same page for around ten minutes. You have an idea as to what’s on his mind. Well, more so who. Natasha. “Any weird dreams?” you ask him after a few seconds. This time, you’re pairing up Bucky’s socks. “N– No, I don’t think I dreamt of anything.” He lies through his teeth and you know this because he has a tell.

Whenever he lies, he stares out into the distance. It’s usually to your right, but that doesn’t matter.

“But that’s good, right? No more nightmares.” You hold a pendant in your hand and it’s not yours because you broke your necklace a few days ago.

“That’s true,” he dryly agrees. It has the letter ‘N’ written on it. It seems like it’s new, unlike Natasha’s locket. You place it on the dresser softly. “You know, everything has a meaning. Nightmares, dreams, even dreamless nights,” you start. “I know, some are worse than others, though,” he follows. “Sometimes, nightmares mean change,” you continue.

He nods, but you don’t see it. “When you dream, it might be that you have some wishes or conflicts that have been suppressed,” you sweetly tell him. Bucky looks at you, but your back faces him. “And even not dreaming means something. When you don’t dream, it might mean that your mind is free of all the bad things,” you roughly shut the filled up drawer and Bucky squeezes his eyes shut at the loud sound.

“Sorry…” you sheepishly apologize. “S’ alright,” he smiles. “Well, my burning question relates to that, I guess,” you admit. He raises an eyebrow and you turn around. Your fingers tap against the oak wood of the dresser. Sweat that has built up for the past morning or so leaving an imprint of your fingers on the wood. “Do… Do you remember when you used to call me ‘moonlight’?” you ask nervously.

Bucky pauses whenever small movements he was making and you make direct eye contact with him. You look away immediately, though. “A– As a nickname?” he asks. “Yeah… You’d say it in Russian. There was beautiful reasoning and meaning behind it…” you explain to him. Your voice carries more hope than anything. He stays silent and you shakily exhale.

You know exactly how to pronounce it. “лунный свет.” You look up at him. “I… What was the meaning?” he asks. “I– I have it written down. Just wait, don’t go.” You move towards the bed and reach underneath your mattress. Your father would always hide things like that. Sometimes, you’d catch him placing your works of finger-painting underneath the bed.

You lift it and retrieve your little notebooks. It’s not much, but it’s something. You flip to the page that you wrote on two years ago. You smile once you reach it and turn back around. Jamie hasn’t left. “This page. I wrote it down when you left to go to the market. I remembered each word and I still do,” you cheerfully tell him. He smiles up at you and you hand him the book.

You’re just like moonlight. You’re wise, the brightest of them all. No matter how small you make yourself, you always manage to make everyone marvel at your beauty. You’re mysterious, always a surprise, but only for some. Your aura– your brightness, it never ceases to amaze people. It helps me through the darkest times. The world needs you, I need you.

The words are beautifully written. They’re traced over in black pen and even have little stars scribbled around them. “I said this?” he asks, in an almost incredulous tone. “Yeah, word for word,” you assure him. “This is really sweet, and I probably said this, but I don’t remember calling you moonlight, Doll. I’m sorry…” He sadly admits to you. Your heart drops, but it’s alright. He may not remember it, but you do. Maybe one day he will.

“It’s okay, don’t apologize,” you tell him in a sad tone. You take the notebook back from him and place it underneath the mattress. Jamie watches you as you do so. “Are you sure?” he asks on more time, just to be sure. “I’m sure. Dr. Cho and the others said this is normal, Jamie,” you assure him. “Alright.”

Everything is alright. Everything was alright. Everything will be alright.

You carry the laundry basket against your waist and you can’t lie and say you didn’t just bury your hands between the clothes as soon as they came out of the dryer. The common room is mostly empty. Wanda and Clint are out on a mission. Tony, Rhodey and Pepper are on a trip. Steve and Sam are training recruits. Vision and Bruce are in Dr. Cho’s lab. You assume Natasha is in her room and James is in yours.

But even assumptions can be wrong.

You hear that laugh that’s as soft as summer’s rain — Natasha’s laugh. It’s beautiful, just like her. But you can’t compare her beauty to anything, it’s beyond that. You walk up to the room where you can hear her, and pear through the small crevice the door has. She looks at Bucky with those emerald green eyes of hers. In them is absolute love and adoration.

“лунный свет, you look so pretty when you laugh,” Bucky tells her. She smiles and blushes, before giggling again. “You’re too sweet, Buck,” she whispers. Bucky grabs a hold of her hand, and his thumb rubs against her ivory skin. “Can never be too sweet when it comes to you, лунный свет,” he counters.

Your heart cracks, especially at the seams.

It’s been a week since Jamie called Natasha “лунный свет,” and you’re determined to get him back.

She must know she can have anyone she wants, but you can never love again. Not without him. That’s why you’re wearing a dress you borrowed from Wanda. You bite your red-stained nails nervously. It’s an improvement since your last date night with Jamie. Last time, you both shared a box of macarons that he stole from the grocery store. Underneath the moonlight, he once again professed his love for you. But this time, he gave you his dog tags to wear.

You have them on. They clink with your each and every movement but you don’t mind the sound at all. You spread a blanket onto the wooden floor. It has some similarities to the two sleeping bags you used back then. They were similar colours and took up the same amount of space. You throw some pillows on top, arranging them in a circle. The record player in the corner plays “‘Till the End of Time” by Perry Como.

You hum along to the melody of the song. You remember when Jamie said it was one of his favourites. You jumped in joy because it’s also one of your favourites. You carefully light the candles that are scattered around the room. Friday is already on alert in case one of the flames gets a little too big. You open the box of macarons and place them inside the little circle you have going on.

You set down other food items — such as croissants and a charcuterie board. It was all for cheap, mostly due to the bargaining you did with the old lady at the store. As soon as you dropped the words “date night’, she immediately went with whatever you had to offer. You turn back around and try to search for the scrapbook you have been making for the past two years. You always saved it for something, but that something doesn’t seem to be in your future.

“Where are you, little book?” you ask out loud. Your voice is in a sing-song melody, just like how your father would have his. You search around the dresser. You check in the drawers and the jewelry box but you can’t seem to find it. You decide to check the desk, because if it’s not here then it has to be there. You scan the top of the desk but don't find anything.

Carefully, you grasp the golden handle of one of the drawers and pull it open. The drawer glides easily, and if your father were here, he would’ve marvelled. You don’t find it, so you lift some stray sheets of paper. “Please be here…” You beg out loud. But it doesn’t turn up, and you pout like a little child. You drop the sheets of paper, but something grazes against your finger.

If you weren’t so out of it, you’d probably squeal in fear. Twine that’s pulled at the ends tickles you and you giggle. Your eyes follow to where it comes from, and you find a sealed envelope. You frown out of pure, ingenue curiosity. You pick it up and spin it around in your hands. It’s a beige envelope, one of the many you gifted Bucky on Valentine’s Day.

The twine wraps around it with no useful purpose. Only for the aesthetics. On the back has your name, written in cursive scrawl that belongs to one James Buchanan Barnes. You turn it back around, and carefully open it. Your father taught you that there’s a specific trick for opening envelopes. It was one of the many secrets your family had. And by family, you mean Jamie, your father and your grandmother.

It may not be much, but it’s more than enough.

Inside is a letter. More of Jamie’s handwriting fills your view and you don’t mind it at all. You pull the letter out and unfold it. You start to read it, only taking in the way his handwriting looks. You sit down on his chair and your eyes take in each word.

Dear лунный свет,

I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. You can hate me, you can be disgusted with me. You can do whatever you want. But promise me, you won’t let what I’m about to say hurt you. I’m in love with Natasha. I’ve fallen out of love with you and listen, it’s not your fault. How can it be your fault? You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect.

But I’m in love with Natasha. I have been for the past year or so. When I saw her again two years ago, something inside me happened. I got butterflies, as stupid as it sounds. She’s everything I want, everything I need. We go way back, and she knows me like the back of her hand. I’m sorry, лунный свет. I am so fucking sorry. I know writing this letter isn’t the best way to do this, but I feel the need to do so.

Love,

James Buchanan Barnes.

You can die right here, right now. You wonder if this is some kind of sick joke Bucky is playing on you, but after sitting there for a few more minutes, you realize it isn’t. Suddenly, the candles burning around you are pointless and so is your entire being of existence. You sit there, stupefied and filled with hurt. You let the letter fall into your lap and slip down to the floor, where it meets the wood with no sound.

The record scratches but you don’t even wince. Now, the voice of Perry Como is all warped and haunted. You hate it. You hate everything. You shut your eyes and sigh quite loudly. She took Jamie from you — your Jamie. Your throat tightens up and you feel like time slows down. You break down, the dam crashing down as the water flows at high pressure. It’s all so much at once. Tears leak from your eyes and drip down to the desk.

You hang your head, almost in shame.

Why are you crying? This was bound to happen.

“Can you just shut up for once?” you cry out.

“Mrs. Barnes, is everything alright?” Friday asks. “Yes, Friday. Do you mind leaving me alone, please?” you politely request. Your voice nearly cracks from the tears. “Of course, Mrs. Barnes,” she says, before dinging away. Mrs. Barnes… You’re not Mrs. Barnes, were you ever? She was always Mrs. Barnes, and she always will be. You let out a choked cough, one that uses all the strength in your body that isn’t destined for your crying.

You look down to the opened drawer and then to the letter on the floor. A groan escapes past your lips. It’s one of pure hurt and pain. You can feel your heart shattering into pieces. Each shard cuts your insides and you struggle to calmly breathe. You grab a sheet of paper from the drawer and pluck the pen that lies on the desk. You take a deep breath and begin to write your heart out.

Natasha,

Please, please don’t do this. I know you may be in love with him (which is the best feeling ever, I know), but please don’t take him just because you can. I also know that nobody can control their feelings. But even love disappears one day, right?

You could have your choice of man, Natasha. But I don’t think I can ever love again. Not without him. If only you could see the way Steve, Sam and Bruce look at you. You can have any of them, so why did you choose Bucky? Why are you taking my Jamie from me?

He dreams about you. He calls your name in his sleep. He calls you moonlight and I’m sure you don’t know the true meaning of it. But if you ask, he’ll probably tell you. This is coming off as rude — I know. It’s not what I want but I want you to ask you one thing only.

Please don’t take him, even though you can.

You scribble your name at the bottom of the page. A tear drops from your eyes and soaks into the paper. You re-read each sentence, and with every word, you hate yourself even more. You throw the pen at the wall, not caring that it breaks at the impact.

You want to send it to her so badly, but your father always told you to never fight fire with fire. Would she even listen to you? Probably not, so why try? Jamie isn’t coming back because Jamie doesn’t love you, he hasn’t for a while. You look away from the letter and to the candles that decorate the room.

You’re so foolish, thinking Jamie could ever love you. He did once, but this isn’t your Jamie. Your Jamie is gone and so is his love for you.

You fold the letter up until you’re satisfied. One end slightly overlaps the other but even the smallest things that would usually bother you doesn’t matter now. Nothing does. You bring the letter to the burning candle and let it light on fire. Along with the paper goes your instinct to fight for the love of your life.

You can never love again. Not without him.

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spinster-sisters · 3 years ago

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Pushover. psh jwy

TW: exhibitionism, fingering, oral female receiving, dirty talk, praise, degradation, grinding, slight bondage, good ole fashion fucking, cock stepping apparently, daddy kink, mutual masturbation, probably other stuff that have escaped my mind cuz writing this felt like a fever dream. So wooyoung is involved pretty heavily involved in this, like many of the kinks listed are done on him and by him so there you have it. Also yeosang is directly involved for like 4 seconds, also please just assume any tags mentioned in the first part that are not listed here may also pop up.

Part 1 (this is a direct continuation of this timestamp)

WC: 5k words of pure smut.

You were hardly aware of your surroundings. Nestled into Seonghwa’s lap, your head fell back onto his shoulder and your eyes screwed shut. You could hear the garbled sound of your boyfriend’s voice rumbling next to your ear, but the slim fingers working in and out of your wet hole stopped any thoughts from entering your brain. Your panties had been pushed aside only enough for him to slip two fingers inside you but you were already keening.

Seonghwa knew how to work you, knew how to make you fall apart and he would usually take his time doing it. Normally you had to put in the work for this kind of treatment, you would have to be especially good and listen to him well during the day, a single misstep or disobeyed words would leave you hopeless, but you had gotten very good at behaving. Why would you when he treated you so well? Not to mention that Seonghwa had something to prove today, without an exchange of words you already knew to be on your best behavior today.

“So what do you say, Woo? It’s your call.” Seonghwa spoke with a cool calm tone. His free hand tapped your side and you knew he wanted your attention for the next part, so your head lifted up and you pulled your eyes open to face the room.

Seven pairs of eyes were glued to you and your boyfriend, all in various stages of embarrassment to downright turned on, but the ones that caught your attention were none other than Wooyoung’s. Because it seemed for the first time the man was at a complete loss for words. His mouth was flapping open and closed like a fish out of water but his complexion was suddenly very pink. He was watching with careful eyes the way Seonghwa’s fingers slipped in and out of you, each time pulling more wetness from you, where it pooled on Seonghwa’s pant leg and made his fingers glisten.

“Are you going to answer me? I don’t appreciate being ignored Wooyoung.” Seonghwa’s voice sounded again, this time with a much steelier tone. Snapped out of his reverie Wooyoung’s eyes flung up to your boyfriend's hard gaze and he made a confused noise. Wooyoung’s body twitched at Seonghwa’s disappointed sigh and somewhere in the room, you heard Mingi muttering to Jongho.

“I asked you a question Woo, do you have an answer?”

Wooyoung’s eyes flitted around the room, desperately looking for aid in the faces of his friends, but none came. They seemed perfectly content to watch the loud boy struggle for words. Eventually, he looked to you for help with pleading eyes, you weren’t quite sure what he wanted you to do but before you could even ponder Seonghwa slipped another finger inside you, stretching you open, even more, making your lips fall open with a pleased sigh and your brain clouded over again.

“Don’t look to her for help, she listened well and is getting her reward. You can’t possibly expect her to risk that to help you. Now, I don’t like repeating myself Woo, so I’m only going to do it once. Do you still think I’m too much of a pushover?” Seonghwa spoke with icy venom.

Wooyoung frantically shook his head ‘no.’ You almost felt sorry for the man when your boyfriend's face turned to stone. Wooyoung noticed it too, and in a moment of frantic panic he realized his mistake and pushed out the word “No!” With perhaps a little too much force. Your head turned to look at Seonghwa’s sharp side profile. He looked very pleased with himself. Rightfully so, taking charge was his forte in times like these.

Seonghwa returned your gaze with a smirk. Using his free hand he gently took your chin between his fingers and pulled you in for a deep kiss. The hand working inside you slowed it is ministrations, but you knew better than to voice your disapproval. Seonghwa’s lips effortlessly urged yours to open and his long tongue slipped between them. Seonghwa’s kisses were always so, strong? He put so much force into every press of the lips and every swipe of the tongue head spun with excitement. Your eyes feel shut almost immediately, moving your mouth gently along with your boyfriend.

It seems you got a little too lost in the feeling of the kiss and the gentle push of the hand working inside you because you were slowly becoming more and more vocal with each passing second. What started as soft groans were now developing into full moans that were only slightly muffled by Seonghwa’s lips. But a sudden squeal from across the room drew both of your attention. Seonghwa broke the kiss to peer across the room at none other than Wooyoung, whose pink complexion had turned bright red since you last looked at him. Also notable, was the way he kept clenching his thighs together and making small grinding motions.

He wasn’t completely alone in this, one quick glass around the room showed you that all of your friends seemed to be enjoying the scene before them, many of them sporting hard dicks of their own (San and Hongjoong especially had taken to slowly palming themselves over their jeans) but none seemed to be quite as affected as the boy directly across for you.

“Getting impatient?” Seonghwa asked with disinterest.

“No,” Wooyoung replied, trying to match your boyfriend's tone but failing miserably.

“We’ve barely started and you're already rutting against the floor like a dog, are you sure this isn’t too much for you?” Seonghwa asked in a tone of mock concern. Seonghwa pulled his fingers from you to instead gently circle your clit with care. You. Squirmed again. The truth was you were remarkably close to the cumming. A fact Seonghwa probably knew. You tried to reassure yourself, knowing that in the current circumstances a high reward was coming your way soon, but the sudden emptiness was disappointing none the less and while it showed on your face you dared not make a sound.

“Get on with it then,”

You winced. Knowing the kind of reaction Wooyoung’s words would bring. Seonghwa’s face hardened. Much darker than you had seen in a long time. One quick glance to the side told you that the younger boy's word had left Seonghwa seething. He stayed silent for a moment, but not inactive. His fingers dancing across your folds seemed to gain a sense of purpose, and with sudden and unexpected vigor, Seonghwa worked them in a way that made your legs twitch and your hole clench around nothing.

“Can I, please?” You asked aloud, though it was clear who you were talking to.

“Go ahead little one,” Seonghwa encouraged with a surprisingly gentle tone.

A loud whine came from your open mouth and the room watched with rapt attention as your body came undone. Even Seonghwa pulled eyes dangerous gaze away from Wooyoung who had been gulping with fear, to watch with soft eyes at the way his pretty girl fell apart for him.

It must have been a truly lewd sight. Your body spasming freely as your glistening core twitched, not to mention your chest covered with marks given to you by the very man who caused your pleasure. The helpless cries were only the cherry on top to the room of onlookers, Yunho had even let out a low groan of his own. But the man of the hour, as it seemed, Wooyoung had returned to his stunned silence, watching the way Seonghwa continued to toy with your clit, prolonging your orgasm as much as possible for the room to enjoy.

Seonghwa turned back to Wooyoung and stopped his work on you only after the majority of your orgasm had passed, leaving you breathless and panting. You felt Seonghwa’s hard cock digging into your ass, but Seonghwa had other matters to attend to first. He fixed Wooyoung with a hard gaze and gave a simple command.

“Come here,”

Wooyoung froze at his words, unable to look away. Yeosang, who had been enjoying Wooyoung’s torment far more than the others urged his forward with a small push on the shoulder, which snapped him out of his trance, and after a moment he slowly crawled across the floor to sit on the floor before you.

Everyone in the room seemed shocked by this turn of events, yourself included, but one quick look from Seonghwa’s encouraging smile settled your nerves. Besides, your brain way still basking in the aftermath of your orgasm so this all seemed much more exciting than you would admit out loud.

With a pinch on your outer thigh from Seonghwa your legs instinctively opened wider, giving Wooyoung an eye full of your now slightly swollen core. Seonghwa reached between your legs and spread your pussy open, exposing your still pulsing hole to the man on the floor, and with one simple sentence, changed the tone of the night for good.

“Get on with it then,”

“What?” Wooyoung sputtered helplessly, looking up to your boyfriend with wide eyes.

“Your attitude has done nothing but remind me how wonderfully obedient my pretty girl is,” as Seonghwa spoke you subconsciously cuddled further into his chest, his eyes flicked to you and he gave you a reassuring squeeze on your neck with his free hand, “and I think she should be rewarded before I deal with that mouth of yours.”

Wooyoung’s eyes shown with realization as it finally dawned on him exactly what his teasing had gotten him into. His eyes flicked around to the faces of his friends only to see them waiting expectantly for Wooyoung to do as he was told. He looked back to Seonghwa and opened his mouth, to apologize, to beg, to l say anything at all, but no words came out. Seonghwa frowned at him.

“Don’t you think she’s been good?” Your boyfriend asked accusatorily.

“Yes, she has-“ Wooyoung started.

Seonghwa’s finger slipped down to drag through your folds and collect the wetness gathering there. You were still incredibly sensitive from your orgasm and the movement made you shudder a gasp. Wooyoung’s eyes followed the action with a downright hungry gaze but something was still restraining him from acting. Seonghwa held out his wet finger in front of the boy's face, and Wooyoung couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight.

“I’m not going to say it again. Get. On. With. It.”

It seemed whatever defiant streak had been holding the boy back had finally broken. Wooyoung’s head snapped forward and took the Seonghwa’s long shining finger into his mouth and sucked it clean. A loud whinny groan came from the boy instantaneously and after a moment his lips pulled away with a loud pop. With his new resolve Wooyoung’s eyes zeroed in on your face blushing face and with an incredibly what look his eyes snapped back down and he dove in.

An unapologetic scream ripped from your open mouth. The first sensation you felt was pain, you have only fully come down from your high a minute or so prior and your clit was still incredibly sensitive as Wooyoung attached his lips to your cunt and rolled his tongue over the bud repeatedly. But the longer he kept at it, sliding his tongue over the length of your core in a wide lick, the more the full pain turned into biting pleasure.

“You look so pretty like this baby,” Seonghwa muttered encouragingly in your ear, but still loud enough for the room to hear over the obscene slurping noises Wooyoung was now making as he sucked at your entrance. “Doesn't that feel nice?”

Depends on how you define nice really, it felt like all too much all at once, it hurt yes, but every swipe of the younger boy's tongue brought more wetness out of you and made your body twitch and writhe with the slightest movement. Honestly, you should have been used to this by now. Seonghwa loved to do this to you, overstimulate you for hours till there were tears in your eyes and you had lost control of your limbs, he thought you looked best when completely at his mercy. But this was only your first orgasm, you had been trained well enough to keep some of your composure despite the abuse your aching core was suffering at Wooyoung’s hand. You turned to Seonghwa’s satisfied face, and gave him a weak smile,

“Feels good, Daddy.”

Somewhere in the room someone let out an “oh fuck,” and Wooyoung groaned particularly loud directly into your pussy and the vibrations traveled up your spine like lightning. Your mouth fell open as you looked into Seonghwa’s eyes with a dazed look. Your hips arched off your boyfriend's lap. It was Wooyoung who made the first move to push your hips back, eager to have his mouth back on you, but he had no sooner touched you than Seonghwa slapped his hand away from your body.

Wooyoung pulled away from your core, his chin dripping with your juices and his eyes shining with confusion. Seonghwa took your hips into both of his hands and pulled you back, flush against his lap and still hard cock, he then fixed Wooyoung with a glare.

“Your not here to touch. Make my baby girl cum in the next five minutes and I might just go easier on you.” Seonghwa spat.

Wooyoung blinked at him, before giving him the sweetest smile he could muster.

“Yes, Daddy”

This took you and the rest of the room by surprise. But you didn’t have time to ponder before Seonghwa took the boy by the roots of his hair and pulled his face forward into your swollen cunt.

“Times ticking, little boy, better get a move on.”

And so he did. Wooyoung ate you out with a burning passion you had never quite experienced. Seonghwa preferred to take hours going down on you, purposely going a slow and steady as possible to build up extremely powerful orgasms that would last for minutes. This was entirely different. Wooyoung was being incredibly messy. Wet sounds echoed around the room and into your ears, he seemed to be trying to eat you alive with the way his mouth moved desperately around your folds. His tongue had made its return to your clit. He sucked the bud between his lips and rolled it around with his tongue in such quick tight little circles your brain spun and if it weren’t for the iron grip one of your boyfriend's hand still had on your hip your sure you would flailing around like a madwoman. You certainly sounded like one with the way endless cries, whines, and groan spilled from your lips in increasing volume. Wooyoung had a clear goal, Seonghwa had given him five minutes? He would do it in three.

You were nearing the end of your rope, your entire lower half seemed to be vibrating with numb pain and pleasure it was almost unbearable but somehow nowhere near enough.

“Daddy? Can I cum please?” You spoke in a shattered voice. Seonghwa, who still had his hand twisted in Wooyoung’s hair looked down expectantly at the boy, who was already peering up at your face with wide eyes. Both you and your boyfriend watched as Wooyoung slid his tongue into your hole and began fucking it in and out of you in time with your breathy gasps. Your head flipped frantically to search your boyfriend's eyes, begging for permission.

“Please, please, Daddy, I can’t hold-“

“You can cum baby,”

And that was all it took. You practically screamed. Your eyes went white as your head fell back again. Having lost all control of the movement of your limbs Seonghwa took his hand from Wooyoung’s head and used both to hold your spasming body close against his. Your brain had gone fuzzy and the only two things registering in your brain were the gentle praise being whispered into your ear and the beat of Seonghwa’s heart against your back from how closely he held you.

Your recovery to much longer this time. To be perfectly honest, in your whacked-out brain it could have been hours.

Slowly you came back to reality. When you opened your eyes the first thing you saw was Yunho from across the room, he gave you a reassuring smile but it was offset slightly by the way his hand was down his pants, nevertheless you smiled back. You laid limp and spent across Seonghwa’s lap. His arm had come around your waist to hold you up and his other hand was rubbing soft circles on your inner thigh. He gave a gentle kiss to your temple as you stirred, leaving butterflies in your stomach. Shifting slightly so you sat sideways on his lap you curled yourself into him with an affectionate purr.

And then there way Wooyoung. He sat on his knees with his hands on his thighs looking up at you like he won a prize.

“You taste good,” he said with an almost happy hour lucky smile.

“Did you like it, Woo?” San asked from behind him, San was sporting his own wide eyes and looking overly jealous about the whole thing.

Wooyoung spun around to look at his best friend and spoke enthusiastically,

“She tastes so good Sannie, really, it was so much fun!”

“Don’t get too excited Woo, we’re not done yet.” Seonghwa chided. Wooyoung whirled around to face him.

“Didn’t I do good?” He asked with a confused look.

You nodded absently as Seonghwa spoke.

“Yea you did good, but that doesn’t excuse your attitude earlier. You still need to learn some respect. I’m sure our friends would agree all this attention you’ve been getting has gone to your head.”

Yeosang and Jongho snickered in agreement. Wooyoung turned to shoot them a glare but it was cut short by a strangled moan. Seonghwa had pressed the heel of his shoe onto the swollen tip of Wooyoung’s cock through his jeans. And to your surprise, Wooyoung’s hips bucked up into the sole of his shoe. Your brain short-circuited.

Wooyoung started to move away but Seonghwa took hold of his hair again and kept him in place.

“What’s the matter woo? Embarrassed? Embarrassed you almost got yourself off on Daddy’s shoe?”

Wooyoung shook his head no, but Seonghwa only dug his heel in harder and Wooyoung couldn’t help but buck against his shoe again with a pained moan. Your legs were clenching together as another pool of arousal pooled between them. Here’s the deal, you had always admired Seonghwa’s incredible level-headedness. In fact, it was one of the best qualities you could ask for in a lover. But for months now, you had been hoping for the chance that Seonghwa would show his true colors to the rest of the group. The idea had been a fantasy of yours for such a long time, but seeing it, here and now, and like this? Not to mention you had always wondered just how far Seonghwa would go if someone disobeyed him, perhaps you didn’t have the guts to do it yourself, especially since being good reaped such high reward, but this was far more than you ever imagined. You doubt whether you had ever been this turned on in your life.

Seonghwa noticed your reaction, of course, he could always read you like a book. He glanced around the room to the hungry faces of your friends till he found who he was looking for and locked eyes with them with a smirk.

“Yeosang, think you could help me for a moment?”

Yeosang returned the smirk and the room watched with bated breath as he made his way over to the scene, eyes zeroed in on Wooyoung’s mortified face.

“Who knew Wooyoung was such a pain slut.”

Yeosang’s voice was as cool as a cucumber, and if it wasn’t for the bulge in his pants you would think he was talking about the weather. Seonghwa dug his heel into Woo one last time before spinning the boy around to face Yeosang by yanking the hair in his grip. Wooyoung was whining pathetically at it all. Your hand was placed on Seonghwa’s hard chest. He glanced at you with a promising smile at your desperate face.

“Not had your fill yet, little one?” He asked you with a smirk. You shook your head ‘no.’

“No Daddy, you make me so needy.” You reply with wide eyes and a slight whine, grasping the fabric of his shirt in a tight fist. He grinned at you before turning to Yeosang again.

“I think it’s finally time to fuck my baby girl, but I don’t think Wooyoung has learned his lesson yet,” as he spoke Seonghwa began fiddling with his belt, pulling through the loops of his jeans. Handing the belt to Yeosang he continued, “Do me a favor, tie him up, make him desperate, don’t stop till he begs.”

Yeosang accepted the challenge with a smile. Seonghwa’s attention was finally on you and you alone. With his help as your body was still weak, he adjusted you to straddle his hips facing him. You looked a mess surely, there was no way you looked anything but obscene and sweaty, But Seonghwa took in your face with a smile.

“You look so pretty like this baby girl” As he spoke, Seonghwa’s hand came to your ass and kneaded it in his palms. The room could no longer see your face, but they could most definitely see this, and likely your still leaking cunt.

Directly behind you, you could hear rummaging noises and the distinct clink of a belt being done up. A quick glance over your shoulder showed you that Wooyoung was now facing the room, with his hands bound behind his back and a pillow between his legs, Yeosang sat to his side clearly satisfied with his work. After taking it in you turned back to Seonghwa who looked pleased himself.

“You’ve been so good baby, want Daddy to fuck you? Nice and deep how you like it?” You practically purred at his words. It’s true so far you had enjoyed yourself, but there was nothing quite like when Seonghwa filled you up with his cock.

“Please fuck me Daddy” you whispered, leaning in close to him with your biggest doll eyes, and your hands gripping his shoulder. Seonghwa smiled at you, content with your answer.

A moment later he had freed his duck from his jeans and was stroking it leisurely. Your mouth watered. Oh, the way he could make you feel, how many times he had made you cum. As Seonghwa sunk into the couch, taking a moment to watch you squirm on his lap he truly looked too powerful. The calm in the sea of chaos that had unfolded that night, it was unfair how he made your heart skip a beat. With one quick glance over your shoulder, he called out to Wooyoung one last time.

“I’d start doing as you were told Wooyoung, wouldn’t want the others to get impatient with you,”

At that, you heard the first grunt of Wooyoung grinding helplessly on the pillow, then whimpering at how the surface was too soft to gain any friction over his pants. The poor boy was at his wit's end.

But your attention was drawn back to the man in front of you before you had time to feel sorry for Wooyoung. One of his fingers had slipped inside you once again to test the waters. You flinched at the intrusion, your body was utterly spent, and the overstimulation would be hell, but as God, as your witness, you were going to take your boyfriend's cock tonight.

“Are you sure your ok baby? Wouldn’t want to push you too far after the night you’ve had.” He spoke with mild concern, but he already knew the answer.

“No! I want to! I can take it!” You spoke with urgency.

“Absolutely sure sweetpea?” He asked one last time. Your hand gripping his shirt twisted and shook. You looked at him with the most pleading look you could muster.

“Please fuck me, Daddy.”

“Ok then,” he replied with a smile. Not once today had you forgotten your manners or rules, after dealing with the whimpering boy behind you for an evening he was glad to have his perfect baby girl still being as good as ever.

Seonghwa hoisted your hips to be level with his. Seonghwa had a thing about eye contact while he fucked you, so you did your best to not break it as the tip of his cock teased your entrance.

To be completely honest, but the focus of the rest of the room seemed to now be on Wooyoung, who was still rutting against the pillow like a dog, and they all seemed to be enjoying the show far too much to notice the tender way Seonghwa pulled your body down flush against his hips and down onto his cock. Although the broken whipper that came from you at the feeling overwhelming sensation did turn a few heads.

Your knees were shaking and your hands trembling. You had been right, the overstimulation was making it too hard to move on your own. But Seonghwa was attentive as always. He wrapped an arm around your waist and used it to slowly work you up and down on his cock. Each thrust he made felt like pins and needles in the best way possible. After Seonghwa had worked up a steady rhythm a numbing pleasure had already begun to build. Looking deep into your boyfriend's eyes you placed and hand on your tummy and after moving it around for a bit you could feel him moving inside you. You groaned out, this position had always been the best for deep penetration anyways.

“Daddy I can feel you inside me,” you whipper as he picks up speed. The room was beginning to sound like a symphony of lewd cries and squelching noises coming from both you and Wooyoung. Not to mention the panting and groaning coming from the others in the room, who had lost any semblance of shame and were jerking off freely to the unexpected yet beautiful sight. The other boy's eyes kept flicking back and forth, unable to decide which one was more arousing to watch. Many of them had already gotten themselves off before now and were now sporting half-hard cocks as they were faced with the delightful scene.

“I know baby girl, I know how much you love to be stuffed full of cock. And now everyone else knows too.” Seonghwa replied clearly satisfied with himself. His hand came up to your jaw and he delivered a particularly hard thrust and pulled your hips down to match it. You were already losing focus of the world around you and the pleasure was mounting rapidly. At the force of the thrust, your eyes almost dropped closed but Seonghwa pulled your head forward and they opened a bit wider.

“Now everyone knows how good you are for me, baby. My good little girl, who loves taking my cock.” Seonghwa was speaking in such a low grumbling voice it was almost like he was talking to himself rather than you like he was reminding himself of what he had accomplished today. You could tell that after waiting all night for stimulation he was also getting close to his own edge, and if you listen to the whiny panting of the boy behind you you could tell he was getting desperate for the release that would never come from the pillow.

You almost lost eye contact again when Seonghwa’s thrusts became sloppy. Increased pace but with less consistency was the tell-tale sign that Seonghwa was going to cum, but luckily for him, it was this exact treatment that made your head spin. Your lower half was numb with biting pleasure and it was all you could do to keep your eyes open to watch the sweat dripping down Seonghwa’s forehead as he carried on with determination. The others had caught on to what was about to happen and many were now speeding up their ministrations to themselves to climax at the same time as you and your boyfriend.

Seonghwa’s hand wound its way into your hair and used it to crash your lips onto his is a heated, wet, and messy kiss. Any second now and you would lose yourself to the pleasure. You detached your lips just enough to pant into Seonghwa’s lips,

“Daddy, in cumming”

“Damn right you are,” he moaned in response.

It was wise of him to reattach your lips before you came undone. Even with him muffling your noises there was no way the sounds you made didn’t echo around the room and ring In everyone’s ears. Seonghwa kept his pace, pushing more and more whinnies out of you till you almost jumped away from him in overstimulation, butter grip on your waist didn’t let you get far. There were tears in your eyes by the time Seonghwa finally came. Your orgasm had turned silent almost immediately after and your mouth hung wide open in an empty moan. Your brain had all but shut off when the feeling of your boyfriend's cum spilling into you registered into your brain.

Saying you blacked out would be a strong word. But when your eyes fell closed they didn’t seem to want to open. You and Seonghwa stayed connected for what seemed like an eternity before he pulled out of you with a groan and laid you gently down onto the couch to his side.

You were dead weight at this point. But when you felt Seonghwa stand up you pried your eyes open the slightest bit once you realized that the unmistakable noises of a begging Wooyoung had filled your ears.

Seonghwa walked around to stand in front of him. Most of the others in the room were now basking in the afterglow of their own orgasms but had perked up to watch.

“Please, please, please, Daddy. Please let me cum. I promise I’ll be good, I promise I won’t bother you as much, I promise, please-“

Wooyoung ramblings we’re cut short by Seonghwa taking hold of Wooyoung’s head and turning it up to look him in the eyes.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Seonghwa replied. Wooyoung gasped a sigh of relief. Seonghwa motioned for Yeosang to come over and untie the poor boy and hopefully get him some relief. But Seonghwa didn’t care about that part, his eyes were now back on you. His sweet perfect, obedient little girl.

Tag List: @deja-vux @txtbbys @darlingmulti @emotionally-intellectual @mingishoe @eonghwa @galaxteez

@a-soft-hornytiny @yunhospuppy @barnesbabee @woowommy @hyetiny @multidreams-and-desires @spacepiratehongjoong @pikacuuuuuuu

if your wondering why your tagged, its either because you expressed interest in a part two or are otherwise a homie or I would like you to be a homie and this is my olive branch

#ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez au #ateez timestamp #seonghwa smut #wooyoung smut #yeosang smut #hongjoong smut #mingi smut #yunho smut #jongho smut #san smut

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differentkettleoffishalltogether · 4 years ago

Text

Show Me [Part 1/2]

Summary: Spencer finds out his girlfriend’s a virgin. But she wants him to change that.

A/N: This is an anon request that I loved writing. This is Part 1 and I’m working on Part 2 right now! If you like this and wanna read some more of my stuff check out my Masterlist, or my series, I’m On Fire.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Mostly smut, and a lil fluff

Warnings/Includes: smut, graphic descriptions of sexual acts, oral (male receiving), fingering, slight hair pulling, please let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed!

Word count: 3k

Request: “Omg I’ve just found your account, you’re an amazing writer! If you’re taking requests, could you write something with virgin!reader and like season 13/14 Spencer?”

Read Part 2 Here

They’ve never had sex.

They’ve kissed though. They’ve kissed so much it made Spencer feel like a teenager, well what he assumed it was like to be a regular teenager.

They’d kiss everywhere they could, in his bed, in her bed, in his kitchen, in the car, in hotel rooms, one time in a supply closet at the BAU. But mostly they ended up on Spencer’s couch. The first time they did anything more than just kissing was on Spencer’s couch, it wasn’t exactly planned it just, happened.

They were making out and she was lying beneath him, there was a sort of comfort in the feeling of his weight on top of her, keeping her fixed beneath him. She’d worn a pretty short dress for their date earlier, one she knew Spencer liked, but after all of the squirming and moving it just sort of rode up.

She didn’t feel it happening but when Spencer came up for air and looked down at her, all he could see was the skirt of her dress, bunched up around her waist, and the little pink panties she had on underneath, absolutely soaking wet.

He let out a small chuckle, looking back up at her, “Have you been wet this entire time?” he smirked.

She doesn’t think too hard about it. She’s so turned on by the way he looks right now, his hooded eyes and his softly parted pink lips are so distracting that she forgets he’s never seen her like this before and she nods.

“Mmhmm” she hums, and bites her lip in anticipation of his next move.

“Can I touch you?” he asks, soft and gentle and she nods again, a little too shy to do much else.

He starts by touching her above her underwear, pushing against the cotton, moving it around between her folds with one finger. She was already moaning and writhing beneath him with that simple touch.

When he tucked a finger inside of her panties he shouldn’t have been shocked but he was. She was so wet, almost screaming in pleasure below him and he’d only grazed her clit once or twice. He thought she might combust when he sunk just one finger into her and she was so tight and clenched around the digit. Squirming even when he was motionless inside of her.

It wouldn’t have taken long to actually make her cum, that was obvious. But he was having so much fun with it that he decided to drag this out for as long as he could. Bringing her to the edge over and over until she was literally begging him for release. By the end of it she was completely spent, her arousal coating her thighs, his hands, and a little of the couch. He took off her panties and stashed them in his pocket and she really wished she didn’t find that quite as hot as she did.

He doesn’t want to test her limits again right away, he wants her to come to him when she's ready. But it doesn’t happen again for a while. They go back to their usual dance, making out like teenagers, sometimes for hours until the point when one of them has to leave, or sleep, or they’re both called away on a case.

It’s not until a whole month has passed that things change again.

Y/N sneaks into Spencer’s room one night while they’re out on a case. He’s a little shocked to see her but he’s happy none the less. What’s shocking him more than anything is the skimpy little nightdress she’s got on, and how more notably it seems like she’s not wearing a bra underneath it.

“What are you doing?” he asks when he opens the door to her, and what he wants to say is ‘you can’t be out in the halls looking like this’, and what he really means by that is, ‘you can’t be in my room looking like this because I’ll never recover’.

“Can I come in?” she asks softly, and almost a little worried, so he steps aside to let her in.

They sit on the edge of his bed, her posture is rigid as she sits, and she takes in a deep breath before she speaks again.

“Do you like the way that I look?” she asks, tentative, and his heart just about breaks. Of course he did. He had since the second he laid eyes on her.

“Yes, oh my god. You’re the prettiest girl I think I’ve ever seen?” he rushes out, his hand reaching out to touch her bare shoulder in a comforting gesture. But she doesn’t look relieved or satisfied by the admission.

“But do you—” she braces herself, “do you think I'm sexy?”

He’s got no idea what’s happening, if she didn’t look so serious he’d think this was some kind of joke. “Are you serious?” he gasps, “Are you kidding me?” he hops off the bed and sinks to his knees in front of her.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky. You’re the prettiest, sexiest, woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” he tries to reassure, placing his hands on her knees and looking up at her.

“Then why don’t we—” she’s not even sure what she’s trying to ask, “Why do we only kiss? Don’t you want to...” she trails off, and there’s something endearing about the way she can’t even seem to bring herself to say any explicit words out loud.

“Don’t I want to sleep with you?” he guesses, knowing it’s the right answer, “Y/N, I want to sleep with you so, so badly. I think about it all the time.” he confesses and her eyes blow wide.

“You do?”

He nods eagerly, “All. The. Time.” he emphasizes, “When you play with your hair in work, when you fall asleep on my lap while we’re watching a movie, when you kiss me for hours, when you bite your lip while you’re concentrating, when you wear that little navy pencil skirt, when you show up to my hotel room dressed like this” he gestures to her nightdress, “or when I think about your little pink panties in the top drawer of my nightstand” he whispers the last part.

“I just thought…” she searches for the end of the sentence, “I thought you didn’t want to?” she pouts.

“I thought you weren’t ready” he says it so earnest, and he means it. He’d never want to make her feel like it wasn’t her choice.

“I haven’t— I’ve never— I’m a virgin Spencer.” she confesses, and she doesn’t look at him while she does, too shy from the admission.

“That’s okay” he moves his hands up to grab hers gently, gazing up at her with nothing but adoration in his eyes, “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do”

“But I want to, with you” she looks at him now and her gaze is so soft that he melts.

“I want to as well. But not here.” he sits back up on the bed next to her, “It shouldn’t be in some cheap motel with our co-workers down the hall. We can do it at my place, or yours, or we could book an actual nice hotel room in the city somewhere? Whatever you want.” she nods at him and smiles.

“I’d like that a lot” she looks happy now, content and relieved, “but could we maybe still do something now?”

He’s taken aback completely, “Did you have something in mind?”

She looks shy again, and he has to coax it out of her, squeezing her hands in his and giving her an encouraging kiss on the cheek.

“When you touched me on your couch that time. I wanted to do something for you, but I wasn’t sure— I didn’t want to get it wrong so I just chickened out” she admits.

“What did you want to do?” he pries gently.

“I wanted to use my mouth” she breaks eye contact when she speaks. He can’t take it anymore so he tilts her head softly with one of his hands so she has to look directly at him again.

“You wanted to use your mouth on what?” he’s doing it on purpose to get her out of her shell.

“On your— on your cock” she whispers out like she's embarrassed to even say it at full volume.

“You wanted to suck my cock?” he asks and she can feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she nods.

“Please?” she asks, and he never thought he'd have a girl this beautiful asking him if she could ‘please’ suck his cock. How did he get this lucky?

“Only if you want to”

“I really do” she volunteers, “but I need you to tell me… how?”

“So you’ve never done it before?” he asks, he’s been aware she was a virgin but he’s got no idea what she had or hadn’t done before. She shakes her head.

“When you, touched me, that was the first time anyone other than me had well…”

“And you’ve never touched anyone else?” he asks, soft and sweet, rubbing his thumb over and back on the top of her hand.

“I have.” she says, “With other boys when I was younger but never anything more”

“Okay” he says encouraging.

“How do we start?” she looks less nervous now that it’s all out in the open.

“Like we always do” he breaks out in a smile as he leans in to kiss her. Her lips are so soft against his, perfect as always.

He pulls her toward him and parts their lips long enough to tell her to sit on his lap. She obliges, she loves to sit like this while they kiss, he knows that too. Sitting this way she can feel him as he starts to grow hard beneath her, only the thin fabric of his boxers keeping him from her.

His hands hold onto her thighs, digging his fingernails into the sides of them as she moans into his mouth. He chances moving one of his hands up her side, and as he hovers it above her chest he breaks apart from her for just a moment. “Can I?” he asks, and she nods before he places a hand on her breast over the fabric of her nightdress. And he knew she wasn’t wearing a bra.

He couldn't stop himself from bringing the other hand up so he could cup both breasts. Massaging and kneading them, feeling her nipples begin to harden and stand out from the satin fabric.

She grinds down against him momentarily and her eyes grow wide. “Are you?” she looks down between them, clearly feeling him.

“I’m hard Y/N” he says softly, and she looks almost giddy.

“I’m ready” she breathes out and swings off his lap, taking charge now that she’d worked up some confidence. It’s not like she had no idea what to do. She’s watched porn, she’s read a few things about it, but she also knew there was no way to really know what it was like without actually doing it.

She kneels down in front of him, pulling apart his knees so that she can nestle down in between them. She’s the one that pulls down the waistband of his boxers, just far enough so that she can pull his cock out.

She feels stupid in a way. She hadn’t given much thought to how it would look but it was different to what she’d anticipated. It was flushed pink, and leaking from the tip. And it was bigger, or thicker maybe, than she’d been expecting. She had a vibrator at home and it didn’t look like this. For one thing it was purple, but it was also smaller than this. For a moment she's nervous before she realizes that this is Spencer. And she could never feel nervous with him.

“Is everything alright? If you’ve changed your mind—” he starts and she shakes her head probably a bit too vigorously.

“No! It’s just— bigger, than I was expecting” she says holding it loosely in her hand.

“Oh” he says, unable to his his surprise, “thank you?” She giggles at him, unaware she’d actually been paying him a compliment.

“What do you like?” She asks, peering up at him and fluttering her eyelashes like she’d done this a million times before.

“Well, um,” he’s the one with the shaky breath now, and he’s not sure when he got so nervous, “I guess if you lick it first, that always feels good” he’s barely got the sentence out and she’s on him. Licking a long stripe up the underside of his cock, right along the vein, reaching the tip and swiping up the pre-cum leaking from the slit there. He’s got to struggle not to throw his head back in pleasure instantly, he wants to see it, wants to watch all of it.

She takes her mouth off of him and looks up with those doe eyes again, and now that he’s looking he can see down her nightdress. He’s got a perfect view of her perky nipples, turned on beneath the fabric and his dick twitches at the sight.

“Like that?” she pulls off him to ask, and he can barely breathe.

“Fuck Y/N! Exactly like that” he groans, chest heaving, his hands clawing at the duvet.

She smiles up at him, “and then what?”

“Uh, take it in your mouth, you don't have to take it the whole way down, just as far as you feel comfortable with” he assures her, trying to steady out his breathing. He doesn’t want her to gag or anything. “then just use your hands for the rest.”

She nods, thinking for a moment before bringing her mouth back down to him. This time she licks him again, all the way up and around the tip, just a little slower than before. Then she wraps her plush lips around the head of his cock. He moans louder than he meant to as she starts to sink down on him, further and further, taking him in inch by inch.

She didn't quite get the whole way down but she got way further than he thought she would. Taking in as much of him as she could she began to rise up again. It took a little adjusting to make sure she was breathing in and out through her nose, but once she got the hang of it she began to pick up the pace.

Sliding up and down against him, the feeling of her warm, wet mouth was almost too much. He’d gotten himself off to thoughts of her for months now and it just didn’t compare. Not by a long shot, he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.

She stopped after another minute and looked up at him, “Is it okay? Does it feel good?” she asks, unsure.

“Jesus, fuck. Y/N, it feels so good. You feel so good” he gasps and she looks delighted.

“Would you, maybe, put your hands in my hair?” she asks, a little nervous, and he’s shocked for what feels like the 100th time this evening, “I like how it feels” she says, shy and unsure. So he sits forward, leaning down a little so he can take her face in his hands.

“How did I get so lucky?” he plants a kiss on her lips and moves his hands from the side of her face into her hair. Gathering it up into a ponytail and gripping it firmly. She lowers down again, wrapping her lips around the head once more and sinking down. Bolstered by his compliments and ignoring her nerves she forces herself to sink further down on him this time. Taking him as deep as she possibly can until she can feel him hit the back of her throat for the briefest moment before she has to pull back.

But the strangled moan that he lets out when she’s got him that far down is so gorgeous that it might be the only noise she ever wants to hear again.

He pulls at her hair roughly as she starts to move faster and faster, and she moans at the feeling. The vibrations she creates around his cock just make him pull even harder, letting out some of the pent up tension.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m so close. You can stop.” he forces out with shallow breaths, but she doesn’t budge. He tries to pull her off him using his grip on her hair but she resists, and she just keeps on moving. Up and down his length, taking down as much of him as possible on each stroke.

“Fuckkkk” he moans out as he releases, and he can feel it pumping into her throat as she swallows around him.

When she pulls off, and she’s looking up to him for approval, her eyes wide, her lips and chin coated in spit and cum as it drips down, he knows without a doubt that she’s the sexiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

“Was that okay?” she asks hopeful.

“Was that okay?” he rushes out in disbelief, “Get up here.” he helps her off her knees and pulls her onto his lap again, holding her close. “I can’t believe you.” he shakes his head and pulls her in for a sloppy kiss, he can taste himself on her tongue as they mold together.

“That was perfect, beyond perfect, fuck” he wipes her chin with his thumb, it doesn’t do much but it’s a gesture.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, brushing her hair back with his hands, and she’s just looking at him, beaming.

“I liked it” she says, like she can’t really believe just how much she enjoyed herself, “I can’t wait to learn more.”

Read Part 2 Here

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