#this turned out a lot more introspective than I planned

[tumbleweed-run]

Observations

Kinktober 2023 Day 19 Voyeurism

Astarion found that sometimes when he had no desire to join in with Tav and Gale, he enjoyed watching them have sex.

Sometimes, the mood struck and he would join them in the middle or even near the end of their lovemaking. Strangely, they didn’t complain and easily accommodated his late arrival. Sometimes, he didn't want to join them and instead touched himself while watching. And sometimes, he just wanted to watch and his cock took almost no interest in what was going on.

He could never tell what the outcome would be.

Tonight when Tav invited him into their room he’d accepted, knowing that, at least for now, he was going to claim his spot on the windowsill nearest the bed. Gale, irritatingly enough, took notice of this and nodded like he understood the meaning. Maybe they did. Somewhere around the time Tav was sitting in Gale’s lap, back to his chest, and she opened her eyes to find him watching as the wizard trailed kisses down her neck she’d reached out her hand and asked if he wanted to join them. He’d declined.

That was that.

As it was every time this exact scenario happened. He’d separate himself. One of them, usually Tav, would ask if he wanted to join them somewhere in the beginning. As soon as he’d decline they would leave it, no pouting or cajoling. Hells, they never asked again. Astarion would sometimes tell them no, even when he wanted to, just to see their reaction. Every time they took him at his word and left him alone.

It was still a strange feeling for Astarion when his no was met with unequivocal acceptance.

Gale’s hand was now in between Tav’s legs, and he was whispering something so softly in her ear that all Astarion could hear was the rush of his breath. She was whimpering as she ground against the wizard’s hand. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were shut.

Gale was still fully clothed, whereas Tav was naked.

The wizard asserted dominance in subtle ways like that. He was quiet and gentle dominance, where Astarion made sure you knew who in the room was in charge. Gale rarely inflicted pain instead he withheld or on the opposite end, overstimulated. Astarion knew the line between pain for pleasure and pain for hurting and happily inflicted it on the willing. The wizard liked sweet words of praise and soft reassurances, saving his filthy mouth for other activities. Astarion preferred commanding with his tone and cruel words that were only softened by his lovers reactions. Tav enjoyed both of them, shining like the sun when Gale called her his sweet love or some other nauseating poetry and then flushing as she became dripping wet when Astarion called her a whore.

It was strange knowing these two so intimately to know these things. He was always good at reading people but this knowledge lived inside him.

Which was why it was little surprise when Gale made a show of licking his fingers, glistening with Tav’s arousal. Sex was a rare moment when the wizard would cease his mindless ramblings to put his tongue to better use. Tav, Astarion, it didn’t matter. The wizard liked things in his mouth.

Astarion’s cock twitched with the memory of the other man’s tongue working along it similarly. He pressed his palm against it, not sure if he wanted to do anything just yet.

Tav was also watching Gale, writhing, hips seeking contact where there was none.

Gale offered his fingers to her a string of spit stretching from his mouth to them obscenely. She accepted, drawing them into her mouth. As she began sucking, Gale’s hips bucked upwards, jostling her slightly. He groaned, allowing her to continue sucking for a moment. She keened when he removed them.

Astarion’s hand moved lazily against his cock, fabric of his trousers dulling the sensation slightly.

Gale had her stand from his lap and crawl onto the bed. She waited on all fours, legs spread exposing her wet cunt to Astarion. The wizard stood, pulling off his shirt. Astarion had anticipated him using this position to bury his face into her. He was a little surprised when instead, Gale pressed a finger back into her.

From the sound Tav made, she too was surprised. She leaned forward a moment as if away from Gale’s finger but then almost immediately rocked back. Gale’s free hand landed on her lower back, pressing down lightly as if to hold her in place. She stilled even as he added more fingers inside of her, pumping them in and out. Tav moaned, head hanging low below her shoulders so Astarion could no longer see her face.

Gale leaned over her, more soft words he could only hear the whisper of. Her response was to moan louder. The wizard withdrew his fingers, there was a mutter of incantation, and then they were coated in oil.

Astarion had used magic during sex before, though from him it centered more on disguises. Gale on the other hand used it as an extension of himself. The mage hand was a personal favorite, whereas Tav preferred various ice spells. On a whole things would be a lot more tedious without the magically appearing oils.

At first when Gale pressed his fingers back inside of Tav Astarion was confused. Then in a barely there movement Gale pressed his thumb gently against the pucker of Tav’s ass. She moaned loudly in response. Astarion shifted, partially so he could see better and in part so he could free his cock.

Gale was far gentler with Tav than he was with Astarion as he gently worked his thumb past the resistance of that little ring. For once she wasn’t growing impatient with how slow the wizard was moving. She was only rocking back slightly against him, the fingers in her cunt still moving. Astarion watched, rapt.

This was something new, as far as he was aware they’d never done this. The way Gale handled the situation was, unfortunately, not an indicator.

Astarion stroked his cock, subconsciously in time with the speed of Gale’s fingers. He even stilled when Gale withdrew them. Tav collapsed onto her elbows.

Gale was quick to remove his trousers. The way his cock slapped against his skin when free annoyingly made Astarion’s mouth water. He doubted he would ever forgive his body for the way it reacted for the irritating wizard. Even more and more, he was growing annoyed with his mind for the soft thoughts that occasionally filtered in about him.

Gale climbed up onto the bed behind Tav and blocked Astarion’s view of her. He stood and shifted towards the side of the bed. A quick glance from Tav, head still bowed, was the only indication either of them gave to his presence. 

Gale gripped his cock and teasingly swiped it from as far up between Tav’s ass as he could reach to her clit. He did this several times until she was rocking back towards him, tempting him to press into her. When he finally pressed into her cunt she sighed, happy and relieved. Gale began to thrust, but not without angling his still well-oiled fingers so he could press one into her ass. 

Tav’s breath hitched as the wizard worked his finger deeper into her than before. Gale froze, ever in tune to her responses, until she urged him on thrusting back once again. He resumed his movements almost instantly. 

Astarion was happy to watch them even as he stroked his cock a little faster, deciding now that he’d get off from this. 

Neither of them acknowledged him still, both of them lost in this little world. Tav’s moans were near constant, noises escaping her even as she inhaled. With the way she was squirming, fingers gripping tightly to the sheets below her, she was close. Gale was a little quieter only little grunts escaping each time he thrust into her. He was watching the way he fucked his finger into her in time with each of his thrusts, the whole thing disappearing now. Astarion found himself equally mesmerized. 

He didn’t know what had prompted the wizard to try this with her but suddenly his own mine was filled with many ideas he wanted to try. For once, Astarion really hoped he and Gale were on the same page about something. 

Gale barely pressed the fingertip of a second finger into Tav when she came, gasping the wizard’s name. He allowed her her time, letting her ride out each and every wave of her orgasm until she was still and panting. Only then did Gale remove his fingers to grip her hips, pace near brutal as he chased his own release. Astarion’s hand matched his pace. 

Gale came with a curse spilling out of his mouth, like always pinning their hips together and rolling his hips as he came. 

Once the wizard had still and he pulled out of Tav Astarion climbed onto the bed behind him. Reaching around the man he drug his fingers through the mess between Tav’s legs. She whimpered, still sensitive from her orgasm. He quickly slicked the mixture of oil, arousal, and cum along his cock before grinding it against Gale’s ass. He didn’t thrust into him, just between the globes of his ass. 

The wizard didn’t protest, his mouth blissfully quiet as he allowed Astarion to rut against him. Astarion gripped Gale’s hips moving faster. It didn’t take long, his own orgasm hitting quickly. His hips stuttered and he came onto the other man’s back. Astarion allowed himself a few more thrusts, letting his own cum mingle with his already profane mixture on Gale’s back.

[physalian]

What No One Tells you about Writing #3

Opening this up to writing as a whole, because it turns out I have a lot more to say!

Part 1

Part 2

1. You don’t fall in love with your characters immediately

But when you do, it’s a hit of serotonin like no other. I’d been writing a tight cast of characters for my sci-fi series since 2016 and switched over in a bout of writer’s block this year to my new fantasy book. I made it about ⅓ through writing the book going through the motions, unable to visualize what these new characters look like, sound like, or would behave like without a ‘camera’ on them.

Then, all of a sudden, I opened my document to keep on chugging with the first draft, and it clicked. They were no longer faceless elements of my plot, they were my characters and I was excited to see what they could accomplish, rooting for them to succeed. Sometimes, it takes a while, but it does come.

2. Sometimes a smaller edit is better than a massive rewrite

Unless you’re changing the trajectory of your entire plot, or a character’s arc really is unrecoverable, sometimes even a single line of dialogue, a single paragraph of introspection, or a quick exchange between two characters can change everything. If something isn’t working, or your beta readers consistently aren’t jiving with a character you yourself love, try taking a step back, looking at who they are as a person, and boil down what your feedback is telling you and it might demand a simpler fix than you expect.

Tiny details inserted at the right moment can move mountains. Fan theories stand on the backs of these minutiae. One sentence can turn a platonic relationship romantic. One sentence can unravel a fair and just argument. One sentence can fill or open a massive plot hole.

3. Outline? What outline?

Not every book demands weeks upon weeks of prep and worldbuilding. I would argue that jumping right in with only a vague direction in mind gives you a massive advantage: You can’t infodump research you haven’t done. Exposition is forced to come as the plot demands it, because you haven’t designed it yet.

Not every story is simple and straightforward, but even penning the first draft with your vague plan, *then* going back and adding in deeper worldbuilding elements, more thematic details, richer character development, can get you over the writer’s block hurdle and make it far less intimidating to just shut up and write the book.

4. It’s okay to let your characters take the wheel

I’ve seen writing advice that chastises authors who let their characters run wild, off the plan the story has for them. Yeah, doing this can harm your pacing and muddy a strong and consistent arc, but refusing to leave the box of your outline greatly limits your creativity. I do this particularly when writing romantic relationships (and end up like Captain Crunch going Oops! All Gays!).

Did I plan for these two to get together? No, it just happened organically as I wrote them talking, getting closer, getting to know each other better in the circumstances they find themselves in. Was this character meant to be gay? Well, he wasn’t meant to be straight, but you know what, he’d work really well with this other boy over here. None of that would have happened if I was bound and determined to follow my original plan, because my original plan didn’t account for how the story that I want to tell evolves. You aren’t clairvoyant—it’s okay if it didn’t end up where you thought it would.

5. Fight. Scenes. Suck.

Which is crazy because I love fantasy and sci-fi, the actiony-est genres. Some authors love battle scenes and fistfights. It comes naturally to them and I will forever be jealous. I hate fight scenes. I hate blocking and choreographing them. I hate how it doesn’t read like I’m watching a movie. I hate how it could take me hours to write a scene I can read in 5 minutes. I hate that there’s no way around it except to just not write them, or put in the elbow grease and practice.

Whatever your writing kryptonite is, don’t be too hard on yourself. It won’t ever replicate the movie in your head, but our audience isn’t privy to that movie and will be none the wiser of how this didn’t fit your expectations, because it’s probably awesome on its own. It could be a fight scene, sex scene, epic battle, cavalry charge, courtroom argument, car chase—whatever. Be patient, and kind to yourself and it will all come together.

6. Write the scenes you want to write first

And then be prepared to never use them. It can be mighty difficult working backwards from a climax and figuring out how to write the story around it, but if you’re sitting at your laptop staring at your cursor and watching it blink, stuck on a tedious moment that’s necessary but frustrating, go write something exciting. Even if that amazing scene ends up no longer working in the book your story becomes, you still get practice by writing it. Particularly if you hate beginnings or the pressure of a perfect first page is too high, you’re allowed to write any other moment in the book first.

And with that, be prepared to kill your darlings. Not your characters, I mean that one badass line of dialogue living rent free in your head. That epic monologue. That whump scenario for your favorite character. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out anymore, but even if it ends up in the trash, you can always salvage something from it, even if that’s only the knowledge of what not to do in the future.

7. “This is clearly an author insert.” … Yes. It is. Point?

No one likes Mary Sues, because a character who doesn’t struggle or learn to get everything they want in life is uncompelling. The most flagrant author inserts I see aren’t Mary Sues, they’re nerdy, awkward, boring white guys whose world changes to fit their perspective, instead of the other way around—they don’t have anything to say. I’m not the intended audience to relate to these characters and I accept that, but I don’t empathize with the so-called “strong female character” who also doesn’t have flaws or an arc either.

A good author insert? When the author gives their characters pieces of themselves. When the “author insert” struggles and learns and grows and it’s a therapeutic experience just writing these characters thrown into such horrible situations. They feel human when they’re given pieces of a human’s soul. They have real human flaws and idiosyncrasies. I don’t care if the author wrote themselves as the protagonist. I care that this protagonist is entertaining. So if you want to make yourself the hero of your book, go for it! But make sure you look in the mirror and write in your flaws, as much as your strengths.

[nickeverdeen]

Heyloo! How are you doing? :) Here to ask for headcanons (The Umbrella Academy fandom) fem!reader being married to Diego while being best friends with Klaus. Like, a female, non-addict, a little smarter version of Klaus and married to Diego (btw season one and she has powers that can make her make other people see and hear shit. Idk if you've seen Twilight but one of the Amazona girls has that there.)

Thank you I hope you and your loved ones are doing phenomenal! 🫶

Being Diego’s wife and Klaus’ non-addict best friend with the ability of creating hearing manipulation and illusions

Diego is fiercely protective of you, always keeping a close eye on your surroundings to ensure your safety

Diego loves to train with you, not just physically but also to help you refine your powers

He sees it as a way to grow closer

While Diego tries to maintain his tough exterior, he’s incredibly affectionate with you when no one’s watching, often whispering sweet nothings

You and Diego share a lot of playful banter, often teasing each other about your quirks

He loves when you can match his sarcasm

Diego always supports your decisions, even when he doesn’t fully understand them, because he trusts you deeply

Diego is big on small, meaningful romantic gestures like leaving you notes or surprising you with your favorite snacks

Though he tries to hide it, Diego gets a bit jealous when he sees other guys getting too friendly with you, even if he knows you’re just being kind

Sometimes, your sparring sessions with Diego turn into flirtatious encounters, ending in laughter and kisses

You and Diego are a power couple when it comes to solving problems, often thinking of creative solutions that blend his physical skills with your mental ones

After a long day, you and Diego often have late-night talks in bed, discussing your plans, fears, and dreams

Diego finds great comfort in your presence, especially when he’s struggling with his emotions or the weight of his past

Diego has deep respect for your powers and often consults you for tactical advice, knowing how valuable your abilities can be

While Diego isn’t big on public displays of affection, he has a habit of always keeping a hand on your back or waist when you’re out together

You’re Diego’s emotional anchor, helping him keep his impulsiveness in check and reminding him to stay grounded

You and Diego share responsibilities equally in your relationship, whether it’s in battle or day-to-day life, reinforcing your strong partnership

You and Klaus often wear matching or coordinating outfits, much to Diego’s amusement (and occasional frustration)

You and Klaus have countless inside jokes that no one else understands, often bursting into laughter at the most inappropriate times

Whenever Klaus wants to throw a party or cause some chaos, you’re the first person he calls, knowing you’ll add to the fun

You’re Klaus’s go-to person when he needs emotional support

You help him stay grounded and avoid falling into old habits

You and Klaus love to play harmless pranks on Diego, especially using your powers to mess with his senses

Your shared dark and quirky sense of humor often leaves others confused, but it strengthens your bond with Klaus

Klaus knows he can tell you anything without fear of judgment, making you one of the few people he truly opens up to

You and Klaus have deep, sometimes philosophical conversations about life, death, and the beyond, often leaving both of you introspective

Klaus occasionally asks for your help to amplify his abilities, combining your power with his to create truly bizarre experiences

While you’re a little smarter and more grounded than Klaus, you enjoy indulging in his reckless ideas, finding them a refreshing break from reality

You’re fiercely protective of Klaus, often stepping in to shield him from harm or from making bad decisions

You and Klaus frequently go on spontaneous adventures, whether it’s exploring a new part of the city or trying out an absurd new hobby

Your connection with Klaus is so strong that you can almost communicate telepathically, often knowing what the other is thinking or feeling without saying a word

Whenever there’s a night out, you’re always Klaus’s partner in crime, ready to dance, sing, and enjoy the night to the fullest

Klaus often brings up cosmic and existential topics, which you humor and contribute to, sometimes causing Diego to roll his eyes

You regularly practice your powers by creating illusions for Diego and Klaus, using them as test subjects for new tricks

You sometimes use your powers to play harmless pranks on Klaus and Diego, like making them see or hear something strange

When Klaus is particularly distressed, you use your powers to create comforting illusions, like a peaceful meadow or a warm embrace

Klaus loves how your powers can blend with his, especially when communicating with the dead, making you an even stronger duo

Occasionally, you use your powers to create playful illusions to entertain the other members of the Academy, bringing some lightness to their often stressful lives

You use your powers tactfully, often helping Klaus avoid bad situations by creating distractions or misleading people

You never hesitate to use your powers to protect Diego, Klaus, or anyone else you care about, creating powerful and terrifying illusions to ward off threats

[hwnglx]

another anon's request <𝟑

txt's turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

yeonjun

turn on's > popular and well-liked > even-tempered -> doesn't get riled up or offended easily > knows their place and doesn't overstep any lines -> good manners and knows how to behave according to the situation > curious about him -> shows clear interest in him, has all their attention on him > a lot of compliments, flattering, talking about how outstanding and special he is > flirts in a very direct manner (he feels drawn to people who aren't afraid to be honest about their interest with him) > don't hate me for saying this lol but he likes people who are “worse” or less talented than him because it feeds his ego (he can get insecure when someone overtakes him at something he's extremely ambitious about)

turn off's > has an inflated ego without being able to back it up with the necessary skill (they're all talk with no substance behind it) > doesn't know how to control their energy and oversteps boundaries, offends people a lot (especially verbally) > keeps bragging about themselves and triggering his insecurities -> makes themselves look better than him, pushes his buttons and damages his ego > obsessed about controlling him or putting certain rules on him (treating him like he's supposed to subdue) > takes life too seriously, is very uptight or conservative > too cautious and scared of doing things all the time -> doesn't know how to have fun

soobin

turn on's > capable of carrying responsibilities in a graceful and easy manner -> does everything they need to do and doesn't get stressed out easily > commands attention and knows how to make people listen to them > has an exact plan for their life and takes pride in knowing what they want -> doesn't allow external forces or opinions to influence their life path > introspective and reflective about their own actions -> acts with integrity and self-awareness > rigid workaholic, truly enjoys working (he'd feel fueled to put in more effort into his own work and would get inspired and encouraged by their diligence)

turn off's > too cold and detached > too different to him (he needs some sort of alignment in values and something to bond over, otherwise he just finds it awkward and sees it as a bad match) > tbh, he finds it difficult to connect to foreigners and prefers korean people, just because he thinks they'd naturally understand his perspective and values in relationships better > doesn't feel the need to improve and just remains stuck in the same place (he thinks you can always upgrade yourself) > gets afraid of conflict and doesn't know how to assert themselves > too indecisive and has no idea what they want (keeps being influenced by others)

beomgyu

turn on's > independent and content on their own -> doesn't appear to be in need of anyone and just does their own thing without caring about others > soft and sensitive-hearted people (he likes this co-existence of being very hard-working and diligent while being a softie deep inside. also is incredibly emotional himself, so he subconsciously feels drawn to people of similar nature) > very ambitious and active in their pursuit of their goals (but isn't "in your face" about it, like they don't feel the need to show their achievements off to everyone) > carries a lot of inner strength and resilience > doesn't call everyone “friend” but deeply cares & cherishes the ones they do -> selective about who they get close to

(can i just say miss winter fits this man's type like a glove, i kept seeing her in my mind's eye and literally couldn't get her off my mind. he's still obsessed with her lol)

turn off's > doesn't care about anyone and keeps detaching themselves emotionally > doesn't have their priorities straight and keeps juggling between different people (like they have several people they're talking to, don't make things clear for any of them and keep leading everyone on. he wants to feel special!) > keeps neglecting and letting down their loved ones -> struggles with keeping a connection happy and stable > overly concerned and worried about people's perception -> obsessed about always making a good impression on everyone (like someone who takes 20 hours to doll up, keeps wanting to take pics for insta everywhere, things like that. he prefers more natural and laidback people)

taehyun

turn on's > deep thinkers and mysterious > very transformative and challenges you to change -> has a powerful effect on you (someone who makes you rethink certain opinions and lingers in your mind for a while) > has this aura of “perfection” to them -> very put together all the time (he'd feel intrigued and get curious about getting to know them beyond the facade) > turns out to be very sociable and nicer than people think (someone who has an intimidating first impression but is actually very friendly) > knows how to party and have a good time > doesn't get emotionally attached to people much -> is more casual and laid back about their connections

turn off's > too obsessed about their own goals with no consideration for anyone else > extremely stubborn and fixed in their ways -> inable to relax and just allow things to flow > literally a virgo mars (their need to constantly plan everything to a T would drive him crazy) > keeps criticising him and is never satisfied with anything > but also isn't direct or honest with him and avoids confrontation (he can mostly tell when someone pretends to be pleased when they truly aren't) > avoids and is scared of negative emotions and reality -> runs away from things that makes them uncomfortable > keeps being stuck in their gloomy and sad world (he'd think it's annoying and kills the fun for everyone)

huening kai

turn on's > very different to him (looks, personality, cultural background, language, etc.) > an underdog (this is so cute, he feels drawn to people no one seems to root for. like he feels for them and wants to support them even more) > generous people who don't want anything in return > has a joyful and beautiful connection to their family (also sees their close friends as family and puts a lot of value into keeping their connections happy and stable) > has strong opinions and is good at asserting themselves in a direct manner (isn't scared of confrontation and will defend themselves plus their loved ones with no hesitation) > good at arguing and standing their ground (he just thinks it's impressive when a person doesn't get intimidated and always finds the right words to justify themselves) > charming and charismatic -> naturally draws attention to themselves

turn off's > too inexperienced or immature in relationships (he himself can get kinda awkward still so being with someone similar to him just wouldn't work) > keeps sending mixed signals and doesn't communicate or express themselves directly (he feels like he'd go insane trying to figure them out, it'd make him very insecure) > too arrogant and cocky -> puts themselves above everyone > doesn't know how to give in or accept defeat -> too proud to admit they're wrong or messed up > is very indecisive and unsure what they want -> never really forms an opinion and just stays neutral about everything

[seneitut]

‘‘Redemption’‘

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Yoru/F!Reader][Slight Gekko/Reader(?)]

Words: 10K

Tags: Fluff, break-up, jealousy, introspection, technicality of the game (Wanted to play with the AFK idea oopsie), NSFW +18, handjob, oral sex, teasing, dom/sub undertones, vaginal sex, more fluff, aftercare.

[Sorry for the wait, I had matters to take care of before posting this and, as you can see, is literally the longest fanfic I’ve written so far so I had to make a lot of revisions before posting it.]

-----------------------------

A few weeks later, Gekko breaks up with you.

Sudden and quick, from what he's been told.

Is surprising how fast the news travels within the few agents who are interested in something so mundane as gossiping inside the protocol. And Yoru is certain he wouldn't indulge in it if it weren't for Jett's loud mouth and perfect timing to witness the event unfolding in front of her very eyes.

The part where she decides Yoru should be the first to get the news was out of his control. Jett made sure the gossip was spread around like wildfire, starting with him and consequently Phoenix, to later on be told to Raze and Killjoy, and like dominoes, it all went downhill.

You didn't deserve something this personal to be vented out like it was nothing, and while he reprimanded Jett for being so careless and stupid for breaking your trust, her apologies wouldn't quell what has already been burnt.

What were the reasons? He asks himself that night. Why did this happen?

There is a faint clink between the tools he switches from hand to hand, discarding the one he doesn't need at the moment, before he goes back to fixing his bike. 

The loose screws and the heavy puffs of breath he exhales are the only sounds accompanying him in the empty room, too deep in thought and simply mulling over what developed in the conversation that culminated in your relationship with Gekko.

Is unhealthy of him to think about your love life when he has nothing to do with it; but Yoru is nothing but a curious human, and as flawed as he might be, the need to know nags him unceasingly. 

Yoru wonders if you ever told Gekko what transpired between you two that night. And if so, wouldn’t he understand that he was the one to take advantage of you? Yoru initiated the approach. He kissed you without asking for your permission—and while it is true that he acted upon impulses and you miraculously reciprocated, he is still to blame and be taken accountability for complicating things.

But if that wasn't the case, if you decided to keep the secret of your little moment of weakness and passion to yourself, has Gekko been planning this beforehand and simply decided to toy with your feelings for this long? Because that wouldn't make any sense.

Gekko has always acted like you were his everything; his light, his moon, his whole world. Gekko always made sure to let everyone know how much he was in love with you, much to Yoru's chagrin, and has been your personal cheerleader at everything since day one.

And now, he decides he's tired of it and breaks up with you without any explanation?

How fucking dare him.

The man is stupid for letting go who could possibly be the strongest and kindest person he's known; just what the fuck was he thinking to break your heart like this? Wasn’t he boasting about your amazing relationship a couple of weeks ago? What changed? Why was he backing off like a coward?

The shock about the separation turns into confusion, which soon boils into pure anger sizzling from the inside of his heart.

Anger is a very known feeling to him, an acquaintance to his impulses when he was younger. When he used to fall under his emotions with no regards to whoever received them, it got him into trouble more often than not, sometimes to the point he would wake up in a hospital bed after a bad beating against Tokyo’s gangs or whoever dared to mess with him.

Was it worth falling under those impulses again, when he has come far and grown from those times?

It is not his place, in truth, to be this angry. You are nothing to him, a friend at most after all. Should he be reeling in anger just because someone hurted you?

No, but he does it anyway.

Inside the rift, everything has its place. Time, space and matter all have their purpose set straight unlike him, who doesn’t really belong in this dimension and he bends them to his liking. When he goes through it, his body feels like it sinks underwater, although his movements are not deterred despite the feeling, it gets overwhelming if Yoru stays for too long. 

Omen has once mentioned how it feels to leave a part of himself everytime he goes through the rift, does it hurt? Can he feel himself tearing apart? He doesn’t, he doesn’t feel any sort of pain, and Yoru wonders if that should concern him or shall not be too worried.

But no matter, that is of no importance right now.

It doesn’t take long for him to find Gekko while running through the base, the tip of his fingers tingling with the want to release some steam and chest heaving with anger seeping off of him. 

Gekko is lounging at the range with Reyna by his side. His whole posture is slouched, head between his hands and avoiding Reyna’s gentle but confused expression.

Both are lucky he doesn’t carry a weapon or else a crime would have taken place at the base. He's bluffing, of course, because he wouldn't dare to harm others severely. 

Yoru wishes he could, though.

For the time being, he will remain inside the rift and watch in silence. If he's going to punch Gekko until he becomes a pulp, he rather do it alone without witnesses. That and he doesn’t want to deal with Reyna’s wrath if she were to be present when he beats the shit out of this scum.

They seem to be talking about something, but it doesn't seem to be escalated enough to label it as an argument but it wasn’t a normal conversation either. 

When he decides to take a closer look, he finds Gekko with a devastated expression on his face and eyes misty with a thin layer of tears. Is shocking, to say the least, being the witness to such an abnormal expression on the usual happy man.

Reyna is frowning, a tight line set on her lips and hand hovering over his shoulder, hesitant whether to touch him or not.

Through the rift, the sounds come garbled and sometimes impossible to discern with the huge gap between the time passing by and him floating in nothingness. Yoru approaches further, cautious, for maybe Reyna might be able to distinguish his soul in between the subtle breaking in the rift.

“Why did you have to break it off, though?” She mutters, a confused expression painting her features. “Las cosas iban bien entre ustedes, ¿no es así?”

Gekko shrugs, not wanting to voice his thoughts.

“She likes you, Teo,” Yoru doesn’t know what’s going on. “She likes you a lot, mijo.”

Gekko’s eyes look downcast, a sad smile tugging his lips.

“She might like me.” he whispers brokenly. “But she doesn’t love me.”

Yoru might be a killing machine on the field and a cold-hearted person towards others if he so desires; he’s been told so many times before. But at this moment, he understands that his anger should be quelled and tone it down a little bit, for he is not the only one who is hurt and he might have misinterpreted the whole situation.

What could be worse, than finding out the person you love doesn't share the same sentiment to the same degree as you do? 

He's gone through the path once, way before meeting you, but never considered himself hurt because he was experimenting with said emotion. Because love is weird, a state in oneself where you are the weakest and he hated feeling like that. 

It was thanks to you he decided to transform this weakness into a strength, despite knowing it could bite his ass one day. Yoru gave in to his desires with you, and he admits you acknowledging his intentions and reciprocating them gave him the sort of euphoria he doesn’t find often in fights.

Gekko is as upset as you might be, more hurt than one might think.

What should he do now?

Staring off into the distance, Yoru thinks emotions are bullshit and way too difficult to deal with.

Gekko and yourself have been a clear example to how far he can go because of some petty feeling like jealousy or lust, and how pathetic it made him act without thinking of the consequences—not like he's cared about that before.

But because of this, Jett has been his shoulder to cry on, and Phoenix his ear to lend when he feels like he cannot handle the mixed emotions into a devastating concoction of overwhelmingness. 

Both have been the key to fix himself up and rebuild after learning of your relationship, despite reassuring with anger that he was fine when it was not true.

His friends are good and he doesn't deserve them, in truth, with how shitty he has been in the past. But for so long he has been denying himself the pleasure to get things that are meant to be his, and this is one of them. 

Yoru will learn to heal and move on, sooner or later, and he hopes he can face you without feeling troubled or confused as to what he wants in life.

Things never get easier from afar.

“Launch site, be there in ten.” Brimstone calls out to him one day. 

To say he scared the shit out of him would be an understatement, choking on his beverage before glaring at the commander with the dirtiest look he could muster. 

He did not hear him coming, even when his loud stomping could be heard from down the hallway, but that is mostly his fault because of his lack of attention and disoriented mind. It should be obvious with the dark bags under his eyes and tired expression that he hasn't been getting enough sleep and was most likely out of it because Brimstone regards him with solemnity.

“It’s Ice box, Yoru.” he mentions. The name of the place alone makes him perk up in attention. “Anomalies have taken place recently, coming from the lab holding onto the samurai's armor.”

What?

“We’ve tracked down a wave of radianite that was ignited on icebox, but we weren’t sure from where exactly.” Brimstone takes out his device, approaching him on the kitchen table and laying it out for him to see. “Cypher was able to narrow it down to A site only, and by the looks of it, we aren’t the only ones who are after it.”

“The omega?” he asks, uncertain. 

“They are approaching rapidly. We need to leave soon.”

That wakes him up, “I’ll be there in ten.”

Brimstone nods and takes his leave.

There is not much time before parting nor question who else was coming to Ice box with them. Not like it matters, but he rather have teammates that will work well alongside him for something as important as this.

Taking his jacket from his room and his butterfly knife, he wonders if the sudden anomaly on Ice box had anything to do with his restless nights for the past weeks.

An incognita were the nightmares that Yoru has had lately. It was never anything clear for him to guess or simply have a vague idea as to what it wanted, but with what Brimstone has told him, a lot of things cleared up. 

Not the whole picture, but it was something to start from.

At the launch site, he encounters Sage and Reyna talking in hushed voices. Both of them regard him with a silent nod and go back to the conversation, but Reyna's eyes never leave his form while he keeps on walking—and if looks could kill, he would be underground in an instant. Yoru does his best to ignore it until he can no longer feel her threatening aura sticking to the back of his neck, and once to a safe distance, he sighs in relief.

Brimstone is at the entrance of the jet carrying an operator, securely strapped to his back, and a few other weapons on the carriage. He seems to be talking to someone inside the vehicle already, handing out the guns and the operator, but can't figure out who.

“Step in, Yoru, we are getting ready.” The commander calls. “I'll coordinate with Sage and Reyna, and we take off.”

Nodding, he enters, but his whole serious façade is gone the moment his eyes land on yours.

Perhaps it had to do with time, or the light working in your favor, but the moment you lock eyes, you literally take his breath away with surprise painting his features. It almost seems like you were expecting him with the way you perk up in excitement as soon as you see him.

Smiling softly, you pat the seat next to yours, beckoning him to approach you. 

“I didn't know you were coming.” He comments, clearing up his throat. “Should've said something.”

“It was a last minute call.” Shrugging, he notices the strap of the operator in arm, but says nothing. “Brimstone was unsure whether to call you in or leave you out of this. But with how things were going, I decided it was for the best if you came and asked him to look for you.”

“Hah, missed me that much?” 

Yoru really never learns, huh. 

Is natural for him to want to tease you, so used to it that now, even after so long without speaking nor crossing words, he has the urge to interact with you this way.

“I did, Yoru.” You answer with honesty. The look in your eyes has him paralyzed, feeling his face flush with the short distance between you two. It reminisces the moment where you first kissed in the kitchen, and that only fuels his embarrassment because it could be so easy to lean in and kiss you again. “I-um, I missed you a lot.”

Brimstone stomps in the jet, raising a brow when he sees Yoru jump on his seat, startling him once again, and fixes his composure before the two of you look at him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, we’re just catching up.” Your hand covers his own hand laying on his lap, squeezing it with gentleness until your fingers intertwine. “Been a while.”

Brimstone nods, going to the cockpit without any further questions. Sage and Reyna follow up next, both of them regarding you two with a respective nod and taking a seat in front of you.

Cowardice isn't a term known by Yoru, scratching it up and dunking it on the trash since he is by no means a coward. But with how heavy Reyna's stare is, burning holes into your gentle but loving clasping hands, he is starting to get why some people are afraid. 

You distract him enough, though, speaking in a soft tone about what has been going on lately and the missions you haven't shared since Lotus—there is no mention of the situation you had when you first kissed, but he is soon to push it to the back of his mind to save you the trouble.

Surprisingly, he is able to maintain eye contact for longer than he expects without embarrassment clouding his senses, following up your peppy conversation with a few grunts and short replies.

Throughout the whole flight, your hand never leaves his.

x    x    x    x

Ice box is just as he remembers. 

Empty, freezing, but with a whole new wave of unknown power radiating from the old labs. 

Yoru gets why Brimstone was so unsure to bring him along. 

The pulsating beckoning of energy was nauseating and tiring; a migraine approaching fastly and making him lose his footing as soon as he steps off the jet.

Sage is there in an instant, clear worry across her features and helping him to stabilize himself. 

“Are you okay?” She asks. Her hands are glowing a soft blue, her healing abilities ready for him if need be. 

Yoru is close to dismissing her help, annoyed to be treated so delicately, but before he could muster a word, a spike of pain strikes his head, groaning in discomfort and his side hits the entrance of the landing. 

Leaving the operator on the floor, you run to where Yoru has fallen to the floor, and grasp him tightly by the shoulders to help him sit comfortably. 

Holding his head between his hands, he grunts, eyes tightly shut and breathing heavily through his nose. His head is pounding horribly, sounds he doesn't know where they were coming from was deafening him heavily that all your voices were melting together in the background. 

He sees the moment the sounds stop completely, mouths moving and actions on going but nothing else. Instead, a gruffing and heavy voice is what resonates inside his brain, like an echo, and a womanly voice accompanies it when they call to him.

‘Come’, they whisper, ‘Come to us.’

Your hand goes straight to his back, caressing him with soothing motions and whispers of gentle words. Respectfully, nothing you are doing helps with his pain nor confusion drowning him. It is kind of annoying, too, but Yoru likes you too much to say something of the sort and lets you do whatever you want.

‘Find him.’

And then it ceases completely. The sounds from his environment come back with a sudden burst he feels his ears sensible with the many voices trying to talk one above the other. Is overwhelming.

“We cannot continue with Yoru in this state.” Brimstone walks up to where Yoru is sitting, patting his back with a strong push. The japanese man holds back an insult at his action. “You’re staying. There is no time to go back and bring someone else to replace you, so stay here.”

“I can still fight-”

“No. And that’s an order.” He nods to Reyna and Sage to go on ahead. “Survey A site, I’ll take mid and we will strike as soon as I give the order.”

Sage glances at him from the corner of her eyes, worried, but complies with Brimstone's request. Reyna follows after her without regarding him at all but with a scoff, vandal at hand and the most graceful walking she could muster.

If Yoru wasn’t in so much pain, he would have laughed to mock her. He can have all the respect for Reyna and her tactical abilities, but to be this childish over whatever she was feeling was ridiculous in his eyes.

Brimstone calls you out, startling you, “Survey B site but don’t push. You’re gonna be alone so we can’t gamble losing a team member this easily, understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.”

Brimstone gives a brief glance at him before leaving you two alone.

Grunting, his fist hits the side of the floor, frustrated. The only time where he needs to be in the best shape is ruined by god knows what, that he doesn’t know who to blame it on.

“Yoru, is it okay if I speak this softly? Does it hurt you?” Your hand hovers over his fist, thumb running up and down his spiked knuckles. 

He breathes out harshly, nodding. 

“The enemy team has brought Yoru, too, and the chances of him suffering what you're going through are high.” Hand under his chin, he lets you raise his head gently to lock gazes. The pain subsides for a little bit, enough to have clarity and melt under the beautiful color of your eyes looking at him with so much emotion. “Don't worry about not coming, their Yoru might have to back off from this just like you, so there is no need to worry.”

Kissing the top of his head, you stand up and take your gun back. Reloading the ammo, you strap on the operator and send him a small smile before walking away.

“We'll figure out what happens after we're done, for now take a rest.”

The normality of your actions only furthers his want to go after you, seeing you walk away with a steady step. Nevermind the pain clouding his senses, he cannot help but worry for whatever might happen if you were to stay alone.

And it doesn’t have to do with him doubting your skills, but the inability to do something to help because of some dumb bullshit about the radianite and the armor still under vigilance in the labs.

The voices from before might have something to do with the anomalies, but he isn’t sure whether to trust his guts or just wait for some miracle to happen to figure it out. The headache won’t be going away anytime soon nor the pain racking his whole body, and he isn’t going to stay at the landside where there won’t be any action unfolding.

Standing up slowly, Yoru grunts in discomfort, losing his footing the first try but finding support on the wall the second time. 

He taps on the private line immediately, breathing a sigh of relief when you answer quickly to his call.

“Yoru, what’s wrong?” Your voice comes in rushed, a subtle undertone of worry honeying your words. “Are you okay? Do you need me to come back?”

“I-I’m okay. I need-”

Everything turns black for a second. The single second where all matters and nothing does at the same time.

The numbness on his limbs, the rush of memories, the excruciating pain destroying him from the inside; this all feels familiar and nostalgic, reviving the moment where his life changed and there was no turning back from the powers gifted to him.

‘Look for us', they plead. ‘Find him.'

The moment he blinks the sky greets him with a bright shine, blinding him for a moment and taking his time adjusting to it. Your face comes into view after a few seconds, a frown between your eyebrows and mouth set in a tight line. 

The light from above gives you a crown of light, glowing softly against your skin Yoru might have commented on it if it weren’t for his lucidity and catching his tongue on time.

When he breathes, he doesn’t feel any sort of pain. 

It almost feels like it never was there to begin with, which is surprising given the circumstances.

“Yoru?” Your voice quivers with anxiousness. 

“Hm.” he sighs, running a hand through his hair in a weak attempt to appear cool. “M'fine, just…dizzy.”

“Here, sit.”

You manage to make Yoru sit without any trouble, looking for any signs of injury or distress from his pain early on, but find nothing to worry about. He seems fine, better than before, for sure.

The japanese man pushes you to the side gently, creating enough space for him to stand up and pat down his clothes to clear it from debris or snow sticking to the fabric. You are still watching him like a hawk in case he starts losing his footing, but Yoru scoffs, offended, and walks past where you're kneeling.

“Aren't you coming? We've got a mission to fulfill.” 

Flabbergasted, you blink up at him, mouth opening and closing without any words making it out. 

“Yoru,” you start gently, standing up. “Brimstone was very clear with his instructions. You have to stay here if you are unable to perform.”

“I look fine, don’t I? Let’s go.”

“Wh- Yoru, you couldn’t even stand minutes ago and now you’re acting all tough?” You point at the jet, “Go back. This whole act isn’t cool.”

The wind blows by strongly, ruffling his well kept hair, but no words of daring come from his mouth. Instead, he leans into the side, cocking his head and smirking at your attempt to be bossy.

“Who’s going to make me stay, you?” Giving a dry laugh, he crosses his arms. “Go on, try it, little minx.”

“Don’t make me start, Yoru, or else-”

“Or else what?”

You breathe in heavily, counting to ten inside your head to not snap at him nor disrespect him.

 “You have to follow what Brimstone has told you.” You retort, muttering through clenched teeths. “You stay here because I say so, too.”

“Oh yeah? And when has that stopped me?” 

Spluttering, your anger rises with the tone in your voice, “I have no fucking idea, so stop acting like a fucking brat and stay!”

Not wanting to give him a chance to reply, you turn around and stomp your way to B site just like Brimstone delegated. You hear Yoru walk right behind you, oblivious to your demand, and you cannot help the little vein protruding on your forehead with the anger consuming you.

“Fucking bitch.” You mutter under your breath. Walking backwards, you shout at him. “Is it that hard to listen to instructions?! What is your deal?”

“I can’t leave you alone.” is his reply, which infuriates you more. “I’m good. I will go with you.”

“Do you really not trust my own abilities? Weren’t you the one who said that you all should be more trusting of my skills when we went to Lotus?” Scoffing, you turn your back to him, climbing up the stairs to the kitchen. “Unbelievable, you are truly unbelievable and a hypocrite.”

“It has nothing to do with your ability or not. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“Hah! Sure, as if that were all.”

“Would you even stop for a second if I were to say anything else?” Rolling his eyes, he continues. “You cannot even trust me when I tell you I’m fine and now you want me to follow your rules?”

Not even looking at him, you reply, “Yeah! That would be nice!”

“Stop for a second damnit! Listen to me!”

You don’t. You cross the threshold of the kitchen and he runs up to you like a little kid about to throw a tantrum. Taking your hand into his, he tries to make you stop and look at him, but you snatch it away immediately.

“I love you.” he blurts out.

That is enough to stop you dead in your tracks, not giving him a glance nor reply to his words. Yoru feels his face burn with embarrassment but is determined to let his feelings be known after so long. Whether you reciprocate or not, is all up to you. Whether this is the correct place to be outing his feelings, he is not sure.

The contrast of the cold brushing his warm cheeks in gentle breezes sends a shiver down his spine, blaming the weather for the wavering puffs of air coming out of his mouth and not because of the sudden nervousness eating him from the inside. 

After a long minute, that almost feels like many years in his opinion, you resume your walking with him tailing behind you. Yoru wonders if you’ve heard him correctly or perhaps you misunderstood his words. 

“I said I love y-”

“I know.” you interrupt, gaze set straight in front of you. “Gekko told me so but I didn’t believe him. It wasn’t until we kissed that night that I realized I was pretty dumb for not noticing your feelings.”

Yoru would think this was some sort of rejection, not really understanding if you were reprimanding him for kissing you or telling you he loves you when you already know. But looking closely, he sees the tip of your ears redden with each step, refusing to meet him in the eye.

“You should go back to the jet. Brimstone is going to be mad at us.”

“I don't care.”

“Well, you should! I ain't taking responsibility if something happens to you.” 

“I don't need protection nor for you to take responsibility. I'm here right now because you need to know that I love you and I won’t be leaving you alone.”

“Okay! I get it!”

Smirking slightly, he jogs to your side and bumps shoulders with you. You shot him a dirty look, pouting when he finally sees the red on your cheeks is not because of the cold but from his words.

“What about you?” he dares ask.

“What about me?” you echo, annoyed.

Yeah, what about you? Was he expecting to hear the same words of professing love from you? He just wanted to get rid of these thoughts cluttering his brain and distracting him, to be free, in some sort of way. Yoru hopes he didn’t make you uncomfortable with his sudden confession.

Humming, you give him a side glance and a grin, “You sure are very confident for someone who doesn't know what the other feels.” Bumping his shoulder back, you walk ahead of him. “I love you too.”

Oh.

Oh.

You love him.

Having you say those words sparks some sort of hope he buried deep within his heart, digging them back to surface. His face is lit in flames within seconds, and he tries to hide it behind a raised hand and looks the other way to avoid you seeing it.

Is clear he does a poor job trying to conceal his embarrassment and excitement because as soon as you get a glimpse of his face, you laugh brightly, poning his side to mock him. That only worsens his state, face hot and red as a pepper.

Once you two are deep in the kitchen, you take a bold decision.

Pushing Yoru against the halls, your hand tangles behind his head, pulling on his roots and clashing your mouths together on a bruising kiss. Is obvious he wasn’t expecting this kind of action from you because he groans loudly, leaning into the hand pulling at his hair harshly and melting under your liplock with a sigh.

He doesn’t take long to hold onto your waist and turn the tables, caging you against the wall this time and giving you the same treatment of roughness by holding you behind your neck and his left hand grabbing you by the waist, slotting your hips together. 

Is a little uncomfortable being in this position because the operator is still strapped to your back, but Yoru makes it work with bending you to his body and making you forget about the gun when he takes your chin between his fingers and makes some distance. 

Whining, you close the gap once again, not giving him time to take a breath and sticking your tongue inside his mouth to maintain contact. 

He consumes your fire from within like a starved man, sucking on your lower lip and biting it as gently as his hands paws over your whole form, basking in the feeling of your mouths clasped together and the tight hold you have on his hair every time his hands travel to to your backside.

You pull on his hair harshly when his left hand grabs a fistful of your ass and he groans, trying to make distance to breathe in some air, but you gasp loudly when his lips attach to your neck immediately, nibbling on the skin and sucking desperately to mark your skin.

“We need to survey B site, Yoru, let go.” You moan at one particular bite, sighing when his hands try to go under your clothes. You smack his hands away, flustered and a little bit angry. “God dammit, Ryo, not now.”

“Says the one who started this, little minx.” he teases, licking up a strip of saliva from your collarbone to your neck.

Huffing, you push him off of you, resuming your walking with the little dignity you still hold and cleaning the spit in the corner of your mouth. Yoru prides himself in seeing you this disheveled over him, imagining what else could he do if you let him be.

Gotta calm down, now. He doesn’t want to deal with the bad guys with a hard-on now, does he?

“So?” he asks. You blink up at him. “What’s going to happen now?”

“Feelings are difficult, I guess.” Shrugging, you strap off your operator. “I understand why the fraternization rule was made, it only gets in the way of our job. That’s why Gekko and I never worked.”

“Does it, now?”

Brimstone is saying something through the comms, but neither of you pay him any mind. Yoru nudges your side with his arm, and you cannot escape the small smile tugging at your lips.

“We can talk about ourselves later.” is all you say before setting off. “We have all the time in the world, Ryo.”

Smiling, he straps off his Sheriff. 

He likes the way you say his name.

“Whatever, you idiot.”

x    x    x    x

Yoru doesn't want to admit that he was weak throughout the fight. 

Not because of his abilities nor aim—he would fight whoever thinks he whiffs his shots— but because he let the enemies run away in one piece when he had the chance of eliminating them for good.

The excuse of running out of bullets was believable, having only a sheriff and a few reloads while defending the site, and you backing up his report helped a lot. Besides, Brimstone was more focused on his disobedience in a clear order than letting go of the omega agents, so he supposes that was enough of a distraction.

The intel was right, omega Yoru was here, alongside your omega version. It seems like they were set off to lurk while the rest of the team attacked A site and they were to wrap around your base to corner you all. 

It backfired immediately.

Your aim was impeccable, as always. He didn't know you were proficient with the operator but it was no joke when you had the gun in hand and targets to shoot. 

But, in truth, he is tempted to think you let them go, too, because they were injured enough but not dead by the bullets that were fired. 

Your omega version stood in front of omega Yoru, protecting him from the bullets that weren’t coming through anymore. Both of them were bleeding and with wounds that could probably kill them if it were not to be treated correctly and on time.

“Please,” your omega version begs. They have a shorty, only, discarding it to the side to mean no harm. “Take me if you want, but don't touch him.”

Yoru's eyes travels from you to omega Yoru, who is panting harshly behind the other you. The omega snarls, furious, to be witnessed by his mirror to this weak state.

He knows himself, knows the other must feel pathetic and frustrated for not doing more and failing so miserably on this mission. The pride is high and wild, so who better than himself to understand the situation at hand.

Yoru loads his last bullet to the sheriff, and you shrivel up in panic. Your stance hasn't changed, your tattered body still shielding omega Yoru despite the pain and that is something he respects. 

“Should I shoot?” your voice comes from the comms. He knows you're still aiming and watching in silence whatever is unfolding on site, but you don't interfere further than to ask that question. 

“I have it under control.” Is all he answers.

A bullet is shot, and your omega version gasps in unison with omega Yoru when they see the bullet go a few centimeters off the side, not even gracing them.

“What-?”

“Leave.” Yoru straps on his sherriff, taking out his butterfly knife instead to play with it while he waits in silence. When neither of you react, he raises a brow. “Want me to carry you to your own base or what? Leave now before Brimstone comes, he won't be merciful.”

That was their cue to start moving.

You try to carry omega Yoru as best as you could, having his arm around your shoulders and your hand holding onto his jeans for leverage. Giving him a brief glance, you thank him quietly before starting to walk away with urgency.

“Wait.” Omega Yoru tries to turn around, glaring at his alpha version. “It's because of her, isn't it? Is it the same for you?”

You nudge him, eyes pleading for him to keep walking,“Yoru, stop.”

“No. I want to know why.” His mirror grunts in pain, almost colliding against the wall if it weren't for your hold. “I know me. And I know I would have shot if it weren't because of her. So I need to know if it's the same for you.”

Yoru decides to not answer, since everything is already laid out for them. He knows you are listening through the comms, so whatever his answer is, you should've known by now.

“So it is.” he mutters, giving a dry laugh. “This is going to be the death of us one day.”

“Love, let’s go.” Your mirror mutters. He nods, and they take off.

“Ice box is fucking cursed, Yoru.” The other says. “The voices are torturing, trying to be helpful, but this place is cursed for us.”

You never said anything, watching the duo walk away as best as they could with the sun setting in the background. 

The trail of blood they leave behind is the only clue that a battle has unfolded and they were once again victorious, although it felt nothing like a victory to him.

The words from omega Yoru would stay with him, storing the information for future investigation, and haunting him until his next confrontation takes place. 

“I think you did good.” Eating a slice of the apple, you glance briefly at him, interrupting his thoughts. “Letting them go, I mean. I think it was good.”

He scoffs, “I was weak. A mistake I won’t be making again if we encounter them in the future.” 

Shaking your head, you lean your head to the side, “You had mercy on them. I think this is a step that was necessary to take to change the dynamic we’re living in.”

Blinking down at you, he raises a brow, “What do you mean by that?”

Your fingers tap the table in a rhythmic motion, mulling over his question for a moment before replying, “I don’t think it is necessary to be killing them, despite having done so already many times before.” Shrugging, you take another slice. “Call me naive or just a hopeless romantic, but what they had is something I respect a lot. They are humans, too, not just some kind of experimentation we can look over. They…they might have an explanation for the radianite and their need.”

Yoru rolls his eyes with skepticism, crossing his arms with disappointment in his eyes. 

“This is my way of thinking.” You defend. “You can have yours, but we both know that nothing might change unless we are the one’s meddling in the battlefield.”

“You’re willing to risk it all to prove that an amicable relationship can be doable?”

Humming, you nod, “I do.”

“You’re dumb, then.”

“Maybe, but only time will tell if I’m right.”

“Suit yourself.”

Both of you fall in silence, eating from the plate the few slices of apple that are left. Only the buzzing from the refrigerator makes a background noise to cover up the long and suffocating topic that none of you want to touch now. 

Yoru is nervous, you are nervous, but you are too cowardly to take the first step.

Mission aside, what happened at ice box when you kissed again was supposed to be the bridge to start a conversation about what would entail knowing each other’s feelings. One would believe that something might have happened by now, but here you are.

In silence.

“I think I’ll take my leave.” He coughs awkwardly, standing from the chair. “Goodnight.”

It was almost like a mirror situation many weeks ago. Where he leaves and you are left confused, wanting, and you cannot bear the thought of dealing this by yourself again.

When he bids you goodbye, you unconsciously reach for his hand, immediately stopping him from going further and he looks back at you. 

When none of you say anything, you brave yourself through your nervousness to break the distance and take his face with your free hand, caressing his cheek with tenderness. 

Yoru lets you do whatever you want, anxiousness seeping out of him when you tiptoe to reach him and, in an act to fulfill your impulses, you kiss the corner of his mouth with a gentle touch.

The japanese man stifles at the contact, gasping when your lips travel from a mere graze, to groaning when your mouth captures him in a passionate kiss, lips melting together sweetly like honeycomb.

You hold him like you desire to be devoured completely; reaching, grabbing and tugging everywhere until his body engulfs yours against the counter of the kitchen and you hold onto his shoulders for leverage. His hands rise goosebumps under your clothes, big palms caressing the skin on your back, racking down his nails until he feels your shudder. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wonder if this was wrong of you to do. If Gekko would mind you chasing after what you really want despite having failed him miserably while together. 

Gekko is none the wiser, your brain supplies, and you hope it stays that way. 

You tug playfully at his lower lip with your teeth before diving to get more of him, mouths slotting together on a more profound kiss and tongues fighting to claim dominance. It is then that any rational thought goes out of the window.

His hand finds purchase on your hips, yours tugs at his hair, earning a groan from him which you immediately swallow with greed. Yoru has half the mind to think about what he's doing when his hand brushes your thighs and pulls you up until you're seated on the counter. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, breathless. 

Yoru's mouth kisses every inch of skin to his availability, sucking on your neck with want until you have your head thrown back, enticing him to mark every part of you. 

“We should stop.” He begs, but his actions betray his words when he rolls his hips against your core, cock twitching inside his pants. You whisper his name, returning the favor and caging him between your legs. 

You can feel his erection even through all the clothing between your bodies, lust clouding your mind with nothing but the good sensations despite feeling guilt gnaw at the pit of your stomach.

That does not deter you from purchasing the euphoria coursing through your body when you rock your hips again, his clothed cock rubbing deliciously against you till the point your words get slurred.

This is not the right place for this kind of situation to be unfolding. You both are too exposed for anyone to walk into, and the least he wants is to show the other agents the boner he is sporting right now. Besides, he is sure to go feral with anger if anyone dares to see you this disheveled and flustered. 

This sight is for him alone.

Claiming his mouth, your hand let go of his hair to reach for his belt, unbuckling it quickly. Yoru freezes when your hand goes into his trousers to grab at his dick shamelessly, thumb running over the head of his cock. Gasping, he hides his blushing face in the crook of your neck, hips thrusting in tandem to your slow pumps to rile him up. 

“You feel so hot.” you whisper in his ear. He bites your neck and sucks on the skin to have his mouth occupied. “You are so hard, love.”

He gasps when you twist your wrist and your thumb runs over the head of his cock again, spreading the pre-cum and messily using it as a lube to pump your hand faster on his shaft. You feel him twitch in your hand when you accelerate the pace and tremble when his warm breath hits your cheek in gasps. 

“Faster…” he mutters, groaning. The timbre of his voice lowers a few octaves, and it's of immediate urgency to keep listening to more. “Shit, go faster.”

You indulge in his request, hand moving to a faster pace, and feeling the veins protruding on his cock between your fingers. Your mouth glues to his neck, nibbling it softly and biting down, hard, until a mark is visible against his pale skin. 

The schlik-schlik sounds in the background are filthy to the ears, Yoru feels his face flush up with embarrassment to have been reduced to a puddle of lust and trembling legs from the overwhelming sensations.

Pushing him away, Yoru groans in frustration because he was close to being ripped to the seams with the upcoming orgasm. The momentum is gone, and he is not sure whether to be angry at you or beg you to please keep going.

But by the time he decides what to do, you’re already on your knees, pulling down his pants until his member is freed from its confines and your mouth sucks on his cock with an invigorated enthusiasm that has him grasping the counter for leverage.

His right hand goes to the roots of your hair, pulling and pushing your head in tandem with the thrusting of his hips. Yoru abuses your mouth to his liking, chasing after the little fire burning him on his lower abdomen and to let loose. 

Groaning, his eyes roll to the back of his head when your tongue comes into play, licking the underside of his dick with each stroke of your mouth. Yoru leaves your head to hold his weight with both of his hands onto the counter, knees weak and breath taken away.

You use your hand to keep the stimulation going, giving you time to catch some air and glare at him from down there. Despite having his face flushed, sweat rolling down his temple and trembling under your touch, he dares smirk at you, as if he has gotten away with something he’s been wanting to do for a long time.

“You fucking brat.” you whisper, mouth latching onto the side of his cock and your free hand toying with his balls.

Yoru whimpers, he fucking whimpers, the moment your mouth sucks on the head of his dick and your hands wrap around the rest of his member with fast strokes, bobbing your head up and down, and timing it with his weak thrusts, you hum, vibrations running up his cock deliciously.

You try to close your legs while kneeling, trying to get some friction to alleviate the pressure on your lower belly and the need to touch yourself; but you are prioritizing Yoru’s pleasure above else right now, enjoying his salty taste in your mouth and gulping down the pre-cum gathering with your spit.

“Fuck!” he curses. His hips stutter wildly, head thrown back and eyes closed when the sudden rush of euphoria courses through his body. 

Yoru cums inside your mouth moaning your name and gasping for air.

He holds your head with a tight grip, spurting his seed inside your mouth in big spurts until you have no other option but to swallow it, choking on his cock when the tip hits the back of your throat. 

Yoru rides his orgasm as if his life depended on it, breathless and hitting a high point where his noises couldn’t be contained. 

Backing off, Yoru slides down next to you, breathing heavily and slumping against your form in defeat and burrowing his head on your neck, nuzzling it affectionately. Is funny how he seeks physical contact like a little cat, voiceless and going for it.

You’re coughing up harshly, part of his cum still drooling to the side of your lips.

“You owe me one.” You say, knocking your heads together. 

He only hums, satisfaction oozing out of him, and cleans the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

“You can cash in right now, baby girl.”

Trembling, you look to the side, bashful, “Don’t get all flirty with me now.” Giving him a brief glance, you blush when you see his dick still out of his pants and butt naked against the floor. “You fucking idiot, put on your pants!”

Yoru laughs softly, nuzzling your neck and kissing the pulse with gentleness. You can’t help but sigh at his change in demeanor.

“I’ll do so if you promise to come to my room with me.” his lips caress the shell of your ear, kissing it. You give a surprised giggle at that. “Hm, what do you say?”

x    x    x    x

The moment your back hits the bed, Yoru is taking your pants away, pulling them with carefulness but urgency in his actions until you are bare from the waist down. He messily takes your shoes, too, and you save half the work by unbuttoning your shirt and unclasping your brassier so you can be bare for him.

Yoru is grunting, snarling almost like an animal, when he pounces on you and his lip attaches to your neck with ferociousness, biting and sucking harshly on the skin till it reddens. He makes room between your legs, your glistering folds rubbing against his jeans while he cages you against the bed and devours you with hunger.

Your hand tugs at his hair, finding out that he seems to like the rough treatment as much as you do, and your legs closes around his waist, grinding against him in search of some friction to alleviate yourself.

His right hand palms over your breast, fingertips running over your nipples while his mouth makes way to your other breast, sucking in with the same fervor he did with your marked neck. Biting softly on your nipple, his tongue flattens against your skin, licking it up and sucking until you curve your back, shrieking from the sudden action.

“Again-!” You plead, hips stuttering, and hands holding onto the sheets by your head. “Again, Ryo, please.”

He does as you say. Mouth sucking on your breast while his hand toys with your nipple. The left hand that was holding onto your waist goes straight to your core, fingers pressing against the outer lips but not entering, teasing you with gentle strokes, pads running softly over your clit but is not enough.

You need more.

“Ryo, I swear to fucking god if you don’t put that mouth to work I’m going to kill you.” Grabbing him by his hair, you pull, hard, and the motherfucker has the nerve to give you a cheeky grin, licking his lips. 

“You’re gonna regret that, sweetheart.”

Yoru moves out of the way until he is sitting on the floor right next to the bed, and with a strong pull, he takes your legs to rest above his shoulder and hands hold you by the waist tightly.

Before you could utter a word, nervous, he dives into your pussy, licking up a stripe with harshness that has you trembling under his touch. You moan his name shamelessly, gasping for air when he sucks on your little nub of nerves and his fingers prod on your entrance.

Coated in your juices, two of his fingers slide in easily, pumping them in and out slowly, and dragging his pads against your walls and timing it with his sucks. Being pressed between your legs and eating you out has to be one of the best things in the world, and he cannot begin to describe how aroused and hard you’re making him with your taste and moans coming from your mouth.

Your hands tangle in his hair, swapping between pulling at his roots or pushing his head to drown in your folds. Your hips are moving against his mouth erratically, riding in the feeling of his fingers and tongue on your pussy, wearing you down with each stroke of his appendage.

“Ryo, Ryo- Ah!” Head thrown back, you gasp when his fingers leave your hole to replace it with his mouth, tongue abusing your entrance rapidly and fingers going to your clitoris to rub them in tandem.

Stars were starting to cloud your vision, feeling the tight knot on your belly so close to snapping you can feel the orgasm tethering on the brim. Your hands travel to your chest, touching yourself with eagerness while being watched by your lover. You can almost feel his smile against your pussy, enjoying the show, which only riles you up.

But before you could combust and cum all over his face, Ryo makes distance, pushing you away but not before giving a last lick to your outer lips, legs trembling on each side of his face, that he smirks up at you.

“We haven’t finished yet, little minx.”

Furious for being denied of your climax, you punch him in the chest, “Fucking shit, Ryo! I was so fucking close-”

“Shhh,” he silences you, kissing your mouth with your taste on his tongue. He looks disheveled, raw, it makes you drip with want. His hands hovers over your perky nipples, flicking them with a devious smile playing on his lips. “It only gets better now.”

He strips down easily, throwing his jacket to the side of the bed while taking his shoes off. Pulling down his pants, you see his cock fully erect and bouncing slightly against his abs, flushed red with the tip smeared with his pre-cum. 

He pumps his cock a few times, pushing you against the mattress and devouring the sight as if you were a meal.

His chest is pressed against yours, leaning down to gently lay his lips to yours, and holding his weight with both of his arms on either side of your head. Yoru doesn't notice your tiny hand making its way to his cock, too concentrated on your lips and the hand pulling on his hair.

Guiding his dripping cock to your entrance, you open your legs to accommodate him easily and, with the help of your legs, you push him inside.

The head of his member breaches your entrance, a shiver runs down your spine when he bullies his way inside you slowly, walls clamping down on him and pulsating with lust running down your veins. 

Yoru groans in unison with you when he's fully in, your legs holding him in place to make the feeling of being connected this deeply last longer.

Touching your face, Yoru rests his forehead against yours, breaths intermingling in soft pants. Cupping his face, your thumbs run down his cheekbones, looking deeply into his eyes before kissing his lips in a soft peck.

“I love you,” You whisper, eyes clouded with love and affection. Smiling, he kisses your cheek.

Yoru slowly distances himself, pulling his hips away until the tip of his member is the only thing still in contact with your vagina, before thrusting hard into you. The sound of skin against skin is deafening, dirty and exciting for both who are enjoying this act of love, jolting with waves of .

His hips continue to move in a slow but steady rhythm, causing your begs and moans to rush out of your mouth hurriedly. Yoru is nothing but giving, accelerating the pace to your liking and watching in amusement the change in expression on your face.

Shouting his name, Yoru can't take it anymore. The speed increases, pelvis against pelvis, sweat rolling down your chest and seeing your breasts bounce with each thrust into your cunt only makes him lose control.

Nevermind the soft and calm Yoru from before, the moment your moans got to him is when he finally lets loose his mouth.

“You like that, huh? You fucking slut.” Grunting, he raises your legs to rest on his shoulders and bends you over in half. You can’t help but whine in embarrassment because of this position and the words uttered by him. “I bet Gekko didn't fuck you like this, right? I bet he doesn't even know how to please a woman.” 

Your walls clench painfully around his cock at his words. Yoru's eyes roll to the back of his head when your entrance gets tighter, sucking him in. With one of his hands, he starts masturbating you with fast flicks of his wrist, timing it with his thrusts rapidly. 

“Does he even know how good you taste? Or how filthy you are, sucking cock like a desperate whore?” Licking up your neck, he whispers in your ear, “Imagine if he were to see you like this, being fucked by me and cumming around my cock.”

“Ryo, I'm so close, please, so close!” You gasp, feeling your climax approach rapidly with how good Ryo is drilling into you.

“I'm going to fill that pussy of yours with my cum so everyone will know you belong to me.” he warns, a wicked smile tugging on his lips. “I'm going to mark every inch of your body as mine, understood? You’re going to be a good girl and take it all.”

Nodding, your hands hold onto his back, nails running down his back in an attempt to ground yourself, “Your good girl, yes-”

Yoru grunts heavily, loading his cum inside of you and fucking his seed deep inside with weak thrusts, riding his orgasm with closed eyes and mouthing your neck with lovebites. You follow soon after, the stimulation of his cock pushing in his cum and his fingers pressing against your clit is enough to send you over the edge and finally break, moaning his name and hips stuttering with the waves of the climax.

Slumping on top of you, he breathes heavily, trying to get in some air and enjoying the post-orgasmic experience with your hands brushing the hair out of his face gently.

You kiss the top of his head, smooching your way down until all you can reach is his forehead. He hums, raising his eyes and locking gazes silently.

“Are you okay?” you ask.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Sticking your tongue out, you pinch on the bare skin of his shoulder, making him jolt in surprise and glare at you with a pout. 

Yoru hovers over your body, resting his body weight on his arms and gives you a peck on the lips before standing up and going to the adjacent bathroom to bring a wet towel. Rolling to your stomach, you cross your arms under your head and watch him walk around freely and naked, admiring the view immensely.

His muscles ripple when he bends over to reach for the towel, watching his back with the mark of your nail alongside scars from past battles. You’ve never noticed, but Yoru with his hair down was a whole nother person to see, giving his sharp features a softer look with his hair framing his eyes and a boyish look that has you melting on the inside.

When he sees you ogling him shamelessly, he can’t help the flush on his cheeks and shyness for being this vulnerable in front of you. He throws the towel to your head to distract himself; that body of yours is enticing in every way possible, and he doesn’t want to look too eager to keep going.

“You’re a degenerate, clean yourself up.”

Laughing, you take the towel and lay down between his pillows to clean between your legs carefully. “Says the pervert who called me, what was it? A whore for your cock? A slut? Your words were colorful there, Ryo.”

Yoru grunts, sitting next to you on bed and stealing the towel from your hands. He makes you scoot closer and starts scooping out the cum oozing from your vagina with gentleness and avoiding it touching his sheets. 

The pressure he applies is enough to spark a new wave of heat on your lower abdomen, biting your lower lip to refrain from sighing out loud when the fabric stimulates you.

His fingers clean the remaining of both of your cum with a gentle brush, fingers caressing around your clit softly and watching your flustered expression focus on what his hands are doing.

Wanting to tease you, he applies pressure on the little nub, making circular motions to heighten the tension and sees you throw your head back. You whine, hips raising to seek the touch desperately. Moving your hand on top of his, you guide his movements from up and down, making his thumb tease your hole and your hips roll against both of your hands.

“Someone wants more of this pervert.” He mutters.

“Ryo…”

Kissing your legs, he licks his lips, discarding the towel to the side and making his way to your core slowly.

“Here comes round two, love.”

[blorb-el]

Don’t know if you made a post on this but what’s your opinion on DCAU Clark and how unapproachable(?) they made him in the later JL/JLU series without ever resolving it? Like I know the Cadmus arc hinges on him never considering himself a possible threat but it seems there was room for no much introspection outside a couple moments (that were later backtracked).

I've had like 6 half finished posts about this buried deep in the drafts for a year because I have capital B Brain Rot about this, but every time I tried to write it out I got six sentences in and wanted to rewatch the entire DCAU in order to get my facts straight. This time I'm resisting the urge, so forgive me if I forget specific episodes

Also, unfortunately for you, it’s nanowrimo, which means my brain is in Type All The Words Mode, and not Communicate Effectively and Succinctly Mode, and also I need a break from WSBF chapter 8, so. You’re getting a 3.5k essay sort of answering this question but not really. you will see

Thank you to my fellow lawyer for the defense of Rectangle Clark @januariat for helping to put this together

I do rewatch STAS and JL a fair amount, but much less JLU, so I actually don’t have much to say about the specific execution there. I’m planning on rewatching it soon. But for now…

To me it boils down to two answers. The Doylist answer, and what I think the writers really did have in mind, is that they came up with the Cadmus plot, knew it was an absolute banger of a storyline, and decided that it was worth compromising Superman's personality in order to write a good story. which is not something I can fault them for - as a fanfic writer, I make the same calculated tradeoffs every time I set out to write a fic. Characters are tools for narrative, even if these particular characters come with an additional weight of the tradition of collaborative storytelling that their most effective stories honor.

However, I do think it’s possible to, post-hoc, cobble together a Watsonian, narratively satisfying (if fucked up and sad) character arc for DCAU Clark if you also take STAS and JL into account. I think the key to understanding his character arc is his relationship with control. Throughout STAS, JL, and JLU, and then one more time in Batman Beyond for good measure, over and over again, he's manipulated and his powers and body are used as resources for other people. Obviously that’s not much of an excuse for becoming more authoritarian/overbearing/etc, Fascism Is Bad and I personally think a more IC superman would retreat more than double down (as in Kingdom Come), but looking at the totality of things that have happened to him before Cadmus, it's a little more understandable why he'd get close to snapping under the strain. Here's my personal reading of his arc, and the events that might have led to Clark behaving so irrationally in JLU.

cut for sheer length, but also mentions of manipulation, sexual assault, victim blaming, that sort of thing

One of the recurring themes in the DCAU is villains dehumanizing, depowering, and/or manipulating Clark. In STAS, Parasite, Lex via Bizarro, Talia and Ra’s al Ghul use him as a source for their own power. The Preserver and Maxima treat him like some exotic prize, disregarding his wishes. Jax-Ur and Mala use him and then betray him. But the most impactful, by far, is Darkseid.

In Apokolips Now, Darkseid defeats Clark, puts his bleeding body into public stocks, and drags him through the middle of Metropolis. Clark’s only rescued by the last minute intervention of the New Gods, and as a parting shot Darkseid murders Clark’s friend in front of everyone. Even though Clark prevents Earth from turning into Apokolips, it’s a huge emotional loss, and they don’t shy away from showing his rage and helplessness. But it’s when Darkseid returns in Legacy, the finale of STAS, that Clark’s life truly takes a turn for the worse.

Forgive me if this is all plot recap to you, anon, but I feel like a lot of people don’t know that STAS ends with Clark being mind controlled, heavily implied to be sexually assaulted, and forced to try to take over the Earth, killing god knows how many people in the process. When the military finally brings him down with a Kryptonite warhead and imprisons him, they nearly kill Supergirl in the process. Then Lex almost gives him a lethal injection, with a US general looking on, implying that the government approves of killing him. Lois breaks him out, he tries to get help for Kara from Dr. Hamilton, and then goes to Apokolips. Most fights in STAS have him shrug off blows. He ends this one bleeding from his mouth, looking almost dead. When he finally casts down Darkseid, tells the Hunger Dogs (the slaves on Apokolips) that they’re free… they turn away from Superman. They cluster around Darkseid to protect and heal him.

Those universal truths of a lot of Superman stories, that goodness and liberty and the American Way* always win? They don't in STAS. A representative of the US government (as far as he knows) has tried to kill him. He lost his temper and spoke in a harsh tone of voice once, because Kara was dying and he was hurt and desperate, and now his friend Dr. Hamilton, the man he trusted to repair the Kryptonian ship, study his body and his powers, one of the people who knew him best in STAS, is afraid of him - and, as we find out later, takes immediate, drastic, and violating action against Kara and against him. The series ends with the small town man standing on the roof of the Planet, hearing people hate and fear him, wondering how people will ever trust him again.

*I hate this phrase personally when used as a Superman Motto, but it's used here as a contrast to the fascistic imagery of Apokolips Now and Legacy (as well as Brave New World, which, hoo boy, we aren’t even getting into that one).

Six months (iirc) after the STAS finale, in Secret Origins, the US government has agreed to let a visibly older and wearier Superman help disarm the nuclear stockpile - only for this to backfire on him because it was a Plot by the White Martians. Clark’s let down the country again. He’s helped aliens invade again, and to make matters worse, he sped away in the middle of an attack to break into an official government facility to free J'onn. Clark founds the Justice League beginning from a place of personal failure, as a check on himself. Clark has power and wants to help people with it, but he’s been turned against people he cares about, and has twice now failed to protect the world. It’s worth noting that Legacy put him into the world stage; before, in STAS, I can’t think of any true worldwide threats besides maybe Jax-Ur and Mala.

Most of the rest of season 1 of JL isn’t particularly Clark-focused, although he does appear in a lot of episodes, but the themes of some of these episodes are potentially relevant to understanding his character later, so: brief bullet point summaries.

During In Blackest Night, Clark sees his respected colleague turn himself into an authority that turns out to be incompetent investigators looking for a scapegoat. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here. 

During The Enemy Below, on Clark’s advice, Aquaman tries to solve his problems peacefully with diplomacy and is immediately shot in a life threatening assassination attempt.  Peaceful diplomacy doesn't work so well for him.

During Injustice for All, Lex is dying of cancer. Clark tries to reach out and is rebuffed, with Lex going on to try to found a team to kill him and the rest of the League.

During Paradise Lost, Clark sees his respected colleague turn herself into the authorities and immediately get banished from her home for the crime of trying to save it with all the resources she had at her disposal. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here, again. 

During War World, Clark’s again captured for exploitation. This is essentially a retread of The Main Man from STAS, doubling down on how some people see him as a thing to be exploited.

During Fury, Clark’s completely ineffective at preventing an attempted genocide of half the world’s population.

Season 2 opens with Twilight, one of the most important episodes for understanding Clark’s mindset during the Cadmus arc. Imagine, if you will, the above happening to you. Darkseid shows up at your workplace. And the man you’ve worked with the longest, your friend, your ally, tells you to cry him a river, build him a bridge, and get over it. Tells you to get over being brainwashed, manipulated, and humiliated. Tells you to get over having your broken and bleeding body paraded around the streets of Metropolis, tells you to get over having your friend killed in front of you for trying to defend you, tells you to get over almost getting your cousin killed. Sure, Brainiac is a planetary-scale threat; Darkseid and Apokolips are in real trouble. Clark was wrong to write off Apokolips and its people, and the League should absolutely have intervened in the situation. But the way Bruce went about it was… one of the harshest things DCAU Bruce has ever done, and one of the only times the narrative seems to actually agree that he was an asshole about it. And even then, you really need the context of STAS to understand why Clark is so furious and hurt in this scene.

Clark relents and goes along with Bruce’s plan to trust Darkseid, only to end up betrayed again, the whole ruse just another ploy for Brainiac to gain control of Clark, torture him, and use Clark’s body to upgrade himself. Clark had spared Darkseid back on Apokolips at the end of Legacy, on Kara’s advice. But now Darkseid’s come after him, again. Used him again to put not only Earth but who knows how many other worlds at risk, now that Brainiac’s even more powerful. It’s the downfall of Krypton, over and over again. And when Clark goes to end it, I think he doesn’t care that the base is about to go, as long as Darkseid goes down with it. That isn’t a price Bruce is willing to pay, so he teleports Clark out. And he’s wrong, again. “No one could have survived that.” Well… no, Bruce. Darkseid does, and Clark knows it.

During Tabula Rasa, Lex manipulates Amazo the exact way he tried to use Bizarro. Clark once again fails to guard against a terrible, potentially world-ending threat, and in fact makes the situation worse by his very presence.

Then we come to Only a Dream, another key episode in understanding this version of Superman. Clark’s deepest fear is that his powers will keep on growing beyond his ability to control them, eventually destroying everything around him. In his nightmare He kills Lois and Jimmy, destroys the Daily Planet, and grows into a brutish, hulking, clumsy figure, first crying out for someone to help him, and then losing hope. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He goes back to the Kent farm and curls up in the spaceship in the fetal position, convinced that he’s only going to hurt anyone who tries to help. Is it any wonder, since that’s literally what’s happened to him in Legacy? Is it any wonder that he’d want to give up, to retreat? If we’re to take the World of Cardboard speech literally, he’s already having to focus on this restraint every day, in every interaction. This is my personal explanation/hc as to why in every single fight he lets himself get knocked around a bit first; he’s calibrating how hard he can hit back without doing irrevocable damage. Anyway. Deeply fucked up 2 minutes of horror. Wish they’d explored this a little bit more in later seasons.

Then, directly after this, it’s A Better World. After we’ve just seen that his worst nightmare is hurting people by being unable to control his powers, we come face to face with a world where he’s hurt people by the precise and controlled application of his powers. Justice Lord Clark uses the same Superman Robots we saw Kara use in Legacy. He’s become quite adept at his lobotomization techniques. Later on in JLU, we see ‘our’ universe’s Clark attempt to lobotomize Doomsday the exact same way Justice Lord Superman did. Again, Clark fails to protect the world from himself, and to make matters worse, the guy to save the day is Lex Luthor. I’d be a little miffed if the maniac who wants to kill me so so bad turned out to be instrumental in saving the world and now I owe him some unspecified favor in the future. Clark’s met with failure and distrust trying to fix things his way, now he tries to do things in an uncharacteristically sneaky way and… gets met with more dislike and distrust.

Eclipsed continues this trend of hurting his friends; he’s temporarily mind controlled and hurts Wally.

In The Terror Beyond, he fucks up and puts the world in danger again, all because from his point of view, he tried to prevent Solomon Grundy being manipulated and used (like he himself has been used over and over again).

In Secret Society, his frustration comes to a peak, amplified by Grodd’s telepathic manipulation. He’s been trying to do his best, but he snaps that he’s had better luck fighting armies alone (dubious plural there, but he did pretty much evaporate an army in Legacy, so at least once, ok) and that he’s had to hold back his abilities in order to be on the League. Again if we take the World of Cardboard speech at face value, this is true, and we see it in the episode when he accidentally hurts Shayera with heat vision despite shouting a warning beforehand. It’s also telling how other members of the League have the ability to constantly voice doubts about its usefulness and cohesiveness as an organization (hi Bruce) but when he expresses the same doubts everyone gasps. When he expresses his doubt and frustration, when he steps away, the organization that’s collectively saved the world several times falls apart; they’re reliant on him, and he has to be aware of the entire existence of the League as an extra burden of responsibility.

Since both this episode and the Cadmus arc as a whole are meant to show his flaws as a leader, it’s worth examining the foundations of that leadership as established in the DCAU. Clark’s the leader of the League, but narratively, Bruce is its brains and its ethics and Wally is its heart. As a result, Clark is filling the role of leader of the League without the narrative scaffolding that gives him the respect comics incarnations of the character are generally accorded. (I’m admittedly only drawing here from the JLA runs I’ve personally read, Morrison/Porter 90’s JLA and the early Fox/Sekowsky 60’s JLA). Superman might not technically be the First Superhero according to these continuities, but he is respected as though he is (and as we comic book nerds know him to be). The League in these comics treat him as something of an ethical standard bearer, a primus inter pares, as well as being the muscle. In the DCAU, Batman, having founded the DCAU with BTAS, is the First Superhero, and the entire plotline of the Justice Lords centers Wally as the emotional anchor of the team. Clark doesn’t have that pre-established stature. What really qualifies him to be the leader, besides the fact that Bruce doesn’t want to do it? His position seems precarious, relying more on Superman’s pre-established reputation than his actual onscreen characterization. Centering Bruce and Wally are legitimate creative choices I don’t even necessarily disagree with, but it means Clark-as-leader functions quite differently than more traditional JL structures.

Hereafter is something of a healing point for him. It’s a little fucked up that Superman almost bashes Vandal Savage’s head in with a rock, but you take what you can get at this point. He comes out of it fine, but everyone else is forced to reckon with what he means to them. Hereafter coming directly after Secret Society is a very good reunification for the League. Shame about what’s gonna happen in three episodes.

In Wild Cards, he’s useful to address the immediate threat but ineffective to stop the real, countrywide (worldwide?) threat. (I should note that of course I don’t expect every episode’s threat to be solved by Clark; I’m just pointing out a trend that I think his character would perceive as failures on his part. If the writers ever let him reflect.)

JL ends as it began, with another massive alien invasion that Clark helped facilitate in Starcrossed, by working with the Thanagarians during the first part of their plan. As a fellow exile, a fellow alien, he’s hurt and angry with Shayera’s betrayal… even though, in the end, in probably one of his best moments, he votes to allow her to stay in the League.

(Sidenote: almost every interaction Clark has had with other aliens have been despotic societies or individuals: Jax-Ur and Mala, Apokolips, Maxima’s planet, War World, and now Thanagar. The Guardians built robotic police/foot soldiers to enforce their will. Even New Genesis is ruled by a benevolent dictator. Martian society is nearly extinct, overrun by… more alien despots, surviving only with J'onn. Argoan society is nearly extinct, surviving only with Kara. At least Lobo isn’t a fascist? Small consolation.)

JLU begins after a short time skip. I’m not as familiar with JLU episodes since it’s been a while since I’ve watched them, so I’m not going to attempt an episode-by-episode breakdown. Also this post is already way too long. But the point of this post is to look at Clark’s overall arc until this point, and see how it informs his decisions in JLU. For a more JLU-specific informed point of view check this post by januariat!

What we have is a man who naturally wants to take responsibility on his own shoulders, a doer and a fixer who wants to get into the ring and solve problems, who wants to use his abilities to help, being confronted over and over again with a string of personal failures, manipulation, and betrayal. When he tries to set a boundary about not being willing to help the man who took over his body and forced him against his home in Twilight, he’s told to get over it by his most trusted ally. When his deepest fears are revealed in Only a Dream, we see them having been already realized in Legacy. And when he’s presented with his dream of a peaceful life farming, a family that loves him, and no responsibility to save the world, it’s ripped away from him in For The Man Who Has Everything.

Ultimately, I don’t have a good answer for exactly how he doubles down in JLU S2, because I need to rewatch all of it with this understanding of the character. But I think you can see the shape of a traditional Superman character in there, trying and trying again and again to do the right thing, putting himself on the line - only instead of learning from his experiences and letting them inform his actions, he’s carrying the weight of years of suppressed trauma while trying to hold up the entire Justice League. This long, long run of failure, manipulation, betrayal, and distrust adds up. And there’s only so much weight one person can hold on their shoulders, even if they are a Superman.

(And then as the nice little capstone to his story, in Batman Beyond's The Call, he’s kept under alien mind control for years! With the way Starro clings to his chest, he probably hasn’t been touched in years! Trapped in his own mind, forced to watch as yet another alien species uses him as a tool to hurt his own teammates and invade the Earth! And that’s the last we see of DCAU Clark! What a fun little ending to his character arc that doesn’t make me go insane whenever I think about it. Very very very normal about this.)

[hellwurld]

do u guys ever think about how the partners of those on the qsmp are gods and/or godesses in the lore. unrelated did u know that tommyinnit and tubbo underscore are legally married. just thought that was interesting.

Tubbo is, admittedly, not the best person. 

He’s kind of a bit of a dick. He’s reckless, doesn’t have much regard for his own personal safety, let alone others, and he can be callous and rude and prickly and blunt. He’s not afraid to push buttons, literally or metaphorically, and he can be... explosive. Destructive, even. To say the least.

On further introspection, Tubbo realizes that he’s actually a lot more than a bit of a dick. 

He doesn’t deserve this though. Probably.

Tubbo can’t remember much, but he’s almost entirely sure that he’s done nothing to deserve this. Literally no crime ever committed, ever, is worth this punishment.

“I hate you,” Tubbo sighs, for the ninetieth time in the past four minutes, “I hate you so much.” He pulls off his jacket, slipping his arms out of the sleeves and tossing the jacket in the general direction of the prick that can’t quite leave him alone. Tommy recoils at the jacket thrown across his face suddently, letting out a —incredibly cathartic for Tubbo— squak of surprise. Tubbo stomps away, leaving Tommy to reel away in his overblown, exaggerated horror at Tubbo’s dastardly actions, or whatever.

“This is, quite literally, very homophobic of you, Toby,” Tommy says, all faux-shock and concern, like Tubbo will believe him for a second. “Truly just so homophobic, I’m writing a twitlonger as we speak because Jesus, Toby—”

“You’re not even gay!” Tubbo bites out, left eye twitching. He stomps away, leaviTommy gasps at this, and Tubbo reminds himself that wringing his neck is not an option, despite it looking more and more appealing by the second.

“Oh, and how do you know that?” Tommy argues, walking right on Tubbo’s heels, “You really can’t base things on stereotypes, Toby, it’s incredibly offensive, you know? Just because I look straight and sound straight and act straight and— Oh, hi Em— say I’m straight doesn’t mean I am. What about me is straight to you?”

“Well, maybe the girlfriend, if I had to hazard a guess,” Tubbo says sarcastically, “Although I suppose that’s not relevant right now?”

He’s joking, obviously, because it’s very relevant.

“Oh Toby— Toby, Toby, Toby. Sweet, young Toby,” Tommy starts, and Tubbo knows he is not planning on stopping, “Of course, that’s not relevant. I’m talking about our marriage!”

“We’re not married,” Tubbo says, for the one-hundred ninetieth time in the last five minutes. 

“Oh, ho-ho, but we are!” Tommy says, and Tubbo weighs the pros and cons of killing himself rapidly and graphically by throwing himself out of the nearest possible window. The pros are not currently outweighing the cons, but with how this conversation is going, they probably will soon.

“Sign the fucking divorce papers, Tommy,” Tubbo sighs, a little angry about how long this has been going on for, but mostly tired and resigned. And angry, because Tommy’s neck is looking so, so wringable right now, but mostly tired.

Tommy just laughs, and disappears in that frustrating, echoey way they all do. Em’s never far behind him, but Tubbo dispairingly turns to her at the kitchen counter anyway, for his own comfort. To her credit, she does offer him a smile, but at best it’s pitying, and at worst it’s amused. Tubbo thinks it might be both.

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I think we both know it’s going to take more than that to get him to sign those papers,” Em says, and Tubbo groans.

“Why don’t you tell him?” Tubbo asks, desperate, but knowing the answer anyway.

“Because this way, it’s—”

“One thousand times funnier,” Tubbo finishes for her. He lacks the energy to even attempt to mock Tommy’s tone, but Tubbo hears his voice ringing in his head anyway. Em laughs, and then she disappears too. Tubbo squints at the place where they both were, like if he stares for long enough they will both reappear as reasonable, normal, willing-to-sign-the-divorce-papers sort of people. They don’t, because God hates Tubbo, and the world hates Tubbo, and the universe hates Tubbo.

The only thing that the universe did right was make sure that Tommy didn’t have the foresight to make him sign a prenup. At least Tubbo can get Tommy’s money when he finally signs the divorce papers.

If he ever signs the divorce papers.

Tubbo slams his head against the wall again.

-

Tubbo_: never get married

pactw: ?

Tubbo_: dont do it pac

pactw: ???????

[hanzajesthanza]

I wondered what is your favourite witcher moment? A moment/chapter that really struck with you? And why?

hmmm...

as for "favorites"...

i consider baptism of fire chapter 7 to be my favorite chapter out of the saga, because every scene in it is fantastic and a personal favorite... firstly, the frame story (love a good frame story!) of the children of vyrva hearing the legend from old storyteller pogwizd. then the heartache and black humor of regis loredropping his backstory, followed by interesting intellectual discussion, geralt's company and zoltan's company being reunited, emotional shattering of geralt consoling milva, and finally, one of the best action scenes: the battle of the bridge. and geralt and regis' side conversations in this chapter really serve to illustrate just how much geralt developed as a character in this book, a major aspect of why it's my favorite in the series (imo, geralt before baptism of fire is not as compelling as during and after it).

my favorite short story is something more, for its ending with geralt and ciri. and for its scenes with calanthe, yennefer, and death, each with powerful emotion. and for how visenna appears... i actually can't get through something more without crying, i cry every time. also, of course, geralt telling dandelion that he must have gone crazy with fear if he could think that geralt would leave him there... and i also think something more is an example of incredibly good writing, in terms of weaving everything together.

my favorite setting is beauclair, i find it really beautiful and yet the most tragic, in its beauty, because our heroes cannot stay there and it's not their destiny to live happily ever after. i joke "my mind is in beauclair" but it's actually true, it's the setting for a lot of my daydreaming and there's something so magical about it.

my favorite character introduction is tied inbetween dandelion (voice of reason 5) and angouleme (tower of the swallow 5).

in ciri's story, i think tower of the swallow was her strongest book, within that i like her time spent with vysogota. and, of course the ice skating scene on tarn mira is well-written and orchestrated (my favorite detail is that bonhart realizes what she's planning, and turns back without warning any of the rest... foreboding, foreshadowing, but also, hilarious).

and maybe an unpopular opinion: i like chapter 6 of time of contempt, when ciri is in the korath desert. it was a great way to break the crazy action of chapter 4 and interconnected politics of chapter 5. i find it to be much more figurative than a lot of people see it: "oh, ciri's in the desert and has to survive." yes, that's the literal interpretation of events... but the point of it is that she's abandoned by everyone who she thought promised to never abandon her, she realizes that all she learned is useless. and she wanders the desert ("for 40 days and 40 nights," one might say). the suffering is the point. it breaks her. it's hard to change a character this drastically, it's also hard to write a chapter with just one character and their introspection without much happening (expect for ihuarraquax showing up in the middle of it, i mean). but i think it was done well and was placed in exactly the right moment with the rest of the book. time of contempt has probably the best pacing out of the series.

the witcher does "suffering" really well, that's probably why it struck such a chord with me. so anything where a hero is in anguish is well-loved (for instance, geralt's monologue to iola in voice of reason, or the ending of a grain of truth).

i also like anything that is an allusion or in reference to another work or history, particularly when i can pick up on it - either i knew it before i read, or when i've had time to look into it and research it.

in particular, i like seeing odyssey parallels, like in the last wish, how geralt and yennefer go back to this ancient topos of a hero in conflict with a witch or sorceress, using trickery to defeat her - odysseus and circe - but yennefer is the one to trick geralt instead; and then they find love genuinely, putting this manufactured conflict down, recognizing a connection, not hatred. and i also see an odysseus - circe thing with geralt and fringilla. and one of the reasons i like beauclair so much is because of the "magic land tempts heroes into staying forever, staying their quest and making them either drugged or miserable" which is like at least four different places in the odyssey: the island of the lotophagoi, circe's aiaia, calypso's ogygia, finally, scheria... someplace so perfect and beautiful that you just want to stay, but it will be your doom if you do. very metaphorical. and also on this topic, i think regis is like the anti-polyphemus, being a great host and displaying exemplary xenia, giving the heroes wine and not eating them or drinking them. it's them who get drunk, not him!

segueing from this, my favorite part of the odyssey is odysseus and telemachus. and so i really like everything about geralt and ciri, and how ciri inherits this misery of being a witcher from her father, though her future is left up to reader interpretation, i love the lines in chapter 7 of lady of the lake that she was all alone amongst an archipelago of places... i really like their story that he tried to save her by leaving her, and it was his leaving her which doomed them both. and i like how sapkowski decided for ciri to be a girl, which not only makes her interesting and unique as a hero, but also invites more interesting examination into her and geralt's relationship as a father-daughter relationship rather than a patriarchal lineage father-son inheritance. (the witcher would be so trite if ciri was a boy).

oh yes, anything relating to isolation and loneliness is a big win for me, which is also probably why i like the witcher so much, it's all about that

i have to stop writing now but i could literally go on about more favorite things for hours <3

[suleikashideaway]

Why I Don't Write Zell Dincht 

On this mother's day, I find myself forced into thinking about motherhood and the impacts of motherhood on every human life. 

Much more rambling beneath the cut.

I think about motherhood a lot. Mainly because I am indeed a mother myself. However, being a mother was only a catalyst for me in understanding why my own mother was the way she was, and how that affected me. The way I have unlearned and learned how to mother is only a by-product of this.

Today, of course, it's all highlighted. The obligation. The memories. The fucking balloons in the grocery store. It's all so much more complicated than I ever imagined, and I doubt I will ever stop processing it so directly on this specific day every year. 

Luckily I’ve been processing it for long enough that it is no longer raw and painful and explosive. Now I can type coherent sentences and be genuinely okay with the amount of introspection the day still brings. 

And though today I am moved enough to write about it here, this analysis is constantly brought into my fanfic writing. I could argue that the influence of one's parents (or lack of influence or lack of parents) is the root of everything I write. Often it's hidden below the surface of my words, and often I don't recognize it's there until afterwards, but it's a profound fundamental influence nonetheless. 

Maybe that's why I've always been drawn to Final Fantasy VIII. The main cast are all orphans. Rinoa is the exception, but losing her mother at age five and having a terrible relationship with her father put her in a similar-enough category. So they're all ripe for that trauma of not having a sturdy parent-child relationship, especially in their early days. 

I have headcanons for all of these poor babies, all based on their early separation from their parents and why they turned out the way they did in their late teen years. Why Seifer wants to be a knight, why Selphie enjoys explosives, why Irvine is a secret sweetheart behind his macho facade, and why Quistis has a thirst to prove herself. I plan to write all of these as their own fics. 

Except for Zell! 

Why? Well, Zell is the only one who wound up with a reasonable mother. He was orphaned just like the rest of them, but something happened when Ma Dincht picked that little blonde tornado from the line-up. Something clicked in that little heart of his, and it's my biggest headcanon that Zell “Crybaby Chickenwuss” Dincht is the most emotionally well-adjusted of the whole lot. 

He's the one who's never been afraid to express himself. He's completely forthcoming with his intensity and his feelings. He's willing to let you see his true self. 

And though it seems cringe (or at least it did for me as a teenager), this authenticity is something those of us with poor parenting often struggle with. We were taught from day one that our cries, our anger, our enthusiasm is too much and should be stifled in order to save others the energy from having to deal with it. Instead, children should be blindly obedient, seen and not heard. 

Not so for our darling Zell! Ma Dincht saw a crybaby and thought, “I'll take him.” 

Of course, not everyone struggles with writing Zell because of this. See @angelosearch’s beautiful take on this in her fic: The Ballad of Ma Dincht. And for further reading about Zell’s earliest years, see @gardengalwrites's Boardwalk Bratwurst. 

So, on this complicated day, I find solace in the idea that there are Ma Dinchts out there. And if you struggle on this day, I hope you can take comfort in my ramblings and know that your authentic expression is valuable, and it's well worth the time to seek out those who are capable of receiving it with open arms. ❤️

[handsome-jacks-toy]

Hindsight

"You know Rhysie? I'm so friggin glad you talked me out of that endoskeleton plan."

Jack stands up from his desk, one of two now in the large office, and walks over to Rhys.

"I mean, look at us! I have a new body. You're Co-CEO of Hyperion. And quarterly profits are through the friggin roof baby!"

Rhys chuckles at that. "Yeah Jack, not airlocking half the R&D department every month will do that."

Jack throws his head back and groans. The kid has a point, but it doesn't mean he has to like it.

"Yeah well, I still say the numbskulls had it coming."

~~~

"Aaaand that'll do it."

Jack closes the Hatch on Rhys' arm and gives it a pat for good measure. The kid lifts his arm, inspecting it this way and that.

"What, ya don't trust my handywork cupcake?"

Rhys tilts his head at him. "Nah, it's not that. I'm just, kinda surprised you know how to fix it? I know you're more of a programmer than an engineer."

Jack can't help but laugh at that one.

"Did you forget I used to be code living in your cybernetics pumpkin? The first thing I did when I got access to Hyperion systems was learn how to repair you. Couldn't have you breaking down on me."

"Helps that you got the top of the line stuff too. Holographic palm interface. Echoeye with AR overlay. 200 year internal power supply. The works. Must have cost you a pretty penny."

Rhys slips his shirt back on as he nods, "Yeah, it definitely wasn't cheap. Cost my entire yearly bonus. I was eating instant noodles for months." He shudders at the phantom taste of noodle before looking Jack in the eye.

"It was worth it though. Without it I never would have met you."

~~~

"Hey cupcake, do you remember the time you first trusted me? When you let me into your subsystems?"

Rhys pauses from reviewing the contract and looks over at him. "Yeah, how could I ever forget? It's still the most terrifying, yet exhilarating, thing I've ever done."

"More terrifying than facing down a hoard of bandits and psychos in a race to the death?"

"Oh for sure. I didn't really have a choice. I could watch my friends die, or trust you. And let's be fair, your reputation preceded you. I mean, when you woke up, the first thing you tried to do was strangle me."

Jack couldn't help but grimace at the reminder. He'd never admit it out loud, but there was a lot he regretted about how he'd treated the kid in the early days.

"So why do you ask anyway?

Jack looked back down at the contract he was writing. "Just thinking about how far we've come, you and I. And this business deal were working on feels like that moment. For me it was pure exhilaration. It was then I knew that we could do anything, and I mean anything, if we worked together. We make an amazing team pumpkin."

Jack looked up to see the fond little smile the kid had. He was directing those at him more and more these days.

Jack clapped his hands together. "Alright, no more sappy shit or I'm gonna get a rash. Back to cracking skulls and writing loopholes."

"We're not cracking any skulls Jack."

"Hey, a man can dream can't he?"

~~~

"Wake up Jack. It's time to get up. Today's the big day!"

Jack rolled over and cracked an eye open. Ugh, he'd fallen asleep with the mask on again. Sometimes he wished he hadn't opted for it on his new body, but he just didn't feel like himself without it. The man before the mask was dead and gone, and he wasn't coming back. He was Handsome Jack now.

Rhys snapped him out of his introspection with a small shake to his shoulder. "Jack, come on. You gotta get up. The meeting's in an hour."

Right, the meeting. The most important one of his life. Jack was definitely awake now. As he sat up he realized he could smell greasy goodness wafting in from the kitchen.

Food was one thing he never took for granted anymore. Go for as long as he did without a sense of taste or smell, and you really learn to appreciate the little things.

He padded into the dining room and Rhysie turned and smiled at him.

"I know you were up late working on last minute revisions, so I made you breakfast. I hope bacon and eggs are alright. There's a pot of coffee brewing too."

Jack sat at the table and took it all in. Sometimes he couldn't believe this was his life. He never thought he'd be so domestic again.

"You're a godsend cupcake, you know that? I could just kiss you."

Rhys froze as he was plating the food, before setting it in front of Jack with a smile.

"I'm glad you like it. Now hurry up, we have a busy day"

Jack dug in gleefully. It was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

~~

"Looks like everything's in order. Pleasure doing business with you gentlemen. We'll talk again soon."

Rhysie turned towards him as the holo-call ended, business facade broken. The kid was downright giddy. It was contagious if he was being honest.

"We did it Jack! We really did it! I can't believe it!"

He thought the kid was gonna faint he was so hyped up. Instead he did something Jack never expected. He reached up, grapped his lapels, and pulled him foreward into a kiss.

Jack froze in shock, before melting into it. This was better than anything he'd ever imagined. Rhysie was a surprisingly good kisser. Finally they ran out of breath and pulled away.

"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that. Now just felt like the right time. We made this deal together Jack. Can you believe it? Hyperion is now the biggest company in the univer-

*CRASH*

Jack's eye flew left and right, searching for the source of the noise. He couldn't see anything though, and the mic wasn't picking up anything else. It must have just been more wreckage from Helios setting.

Jack hadn't seen another living soul since the crash. It'd been years, and he didn't want to think about how many more it could be.

That daydream was nice though. He wished it hadn't ended there. But he could always start over again. Wasn't like he had much else to do.

He flexed the arm again, trying to reach the eye, but it was a futile effort. Just like every other time. He couldn't help but look again at the scattered remains around him. The eye had long since rotted and fell to the ground. The bones were all he could really see. Everyday, reminded of his greatest mistake.

"God, I miss you Rhys..."

[yuurivoice]

Hi yv! I just wanted to send a message saying how much I love your content and I have for years. It's been amazing to see your channel grow and I'm one of your biggest fans!! I used to sub to the patreon but life goes hard and I haven't been able to for a while. The latest auron video has been practically on repeat for me and I really just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful day and happy holidays!!! Give all the kitties a kiss on the forehead for me pls!

Thank you for the kind words! No worries about whether or not you're a Patreon sub, I certainly appreciate the support but always want people to put themselves first so don't sweat that and I hope you kick life's ass! Also, sending me a kind message is a pretty great way to support in its own right, so I'm genuinely appreciative!

The cats will most definitely be smooched, and I'll pass along a note that it's from a kind Anon!

It's been a wild few years, huh? Making the leap from the Tumblr days to the YouTube era was a big one, but the past 4 years were where I really started to find my footing and I think there's been a lot of growth creatively and personally.

Things have been moving in the right direction despite some personal road bumps and detours. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I could have accomplished and kept afloat while working through everything. Still dealing with the guilt of BitterSweet and Shattered not being a thing this year, particularly for all the ride or die Alphonse and Seth fans who have been starving for content while I've been hesitant to push out content for them because the big series wasn't coming.

Thankfully, most people have been supportive, kind, and understanding. That being said, I'm not ignorant to the nature of my content (growing roster of characters = someone's fave isn't getting posted for a while) and I'm doubly thankful to those who have been chill as other characters get established and have their time in the sun.

I'm really hopeful that in the coming year, balance and scheduling and planning are all finely tuned and help me avoid content traffic jams like we've run into such as the recent Charlie Era (lol) which wasn't exactly the plan, but with October AU series + Plushie + Lost & Found all aligning it sorta just worked out that way. Also, it bears mentioning that it's not every day that a side character who was not guaranteed to catch on as A Thing (TM) actually finds an audience and has significant demand. Sometimes you gotta roll with how things play out, and that's just the nature of creating content on social media.

I'm optimistic that things will be at least a LITTLE bit more balanced thanks to ADHD treatment and seeing huge improvements with my mental health. Which can't be understated, because holy shit, the amount of things I'm just able to do without feeling like I'm holding myself at gunpoint or making a million deals with myself to convince myself to do a single task is amazing.

Not only is it easier to get to work, it's easier to do more of the work. That Auron audio you referenced is a great example. I was worried with the script I had and the premise, I wouldn't be able to get much more than 9/10 minutes out of it. The length of my general audios is something I've been conscious of forever, so I was shocked and thrilled when I finished up with the recording and it was 24 minutes of some of my favorite Auron content ever. I'm getting more comfortable improvising, or creating more as I go vs. write, record, post. I'm able to do a little more, add things that I would normally omit or not bother with, and just try harder without feeling like I'm trying harder and purely because I'm enjoying it and I want to.

I am SO sorry that this turned into a rant in response to what was a fairly straightforward question, you caught me while I was feeling introspective.

tldr: Thanks for fuckin' with me. Folks like you make me want to work hard and deliver the goods. The kindness goes a long way, and I don't take that for granted!

[thewritingmagician2022]

The Tortured Poets Department (Taylor Swift) - Dateables Part 1

Okay, this album has been by far the hardest to do for the boys. Some of them jumped out at me really quickly but most of these took a lot of thinking and, when thinking failed, I turned to the vibes. A lot of these songs are dark, sad, or introspective which doesn’t lend itself so well to healthy, happy relationships - just as a warning. So here’s part 1 - TTPD the original 17 tracks. There will be a part 2 next week with the songs from the anthology.

Levi: TTPD

Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be 'Cause we're crazy

This song is a love song even though the person is also making fun of the person they were with, which just seems fitting. It really highlights how both people can be so completely not stable or develop codependency when you’re guided by strong feelings rather than logic. I think Levi is absolutely one of those people who, once he’s in love, is 100% dedicated to his partner and would lowkey be suicidal if that person ever left him. I’m sorry, I say it with love, but Levi absolute is capable of that toxicity. It’s part of his envy, you know? If he can’t have you, there’s no point to anything. I can also imagine MC telling him that they’re just two idiots in love, not some super important people with a modern day perfect love story so he can’t go around over romanticizing everything and getting swept up in the glamour of a relationship rather than the actual relationship itself. 

Lucifer: Fortnight

I touched you for only a fortnight I touched you, I touched you I love you, it's ruining my life

The sound is what leads me to Lucifer’s choices most of the time and this song has the sound/vibes that fit the most for my vision of him. I also think Lucifer is so entirely not thrilled with loving MC; it was never his plan and he’s a lot more reluctant to acknowledge those feelings than some of the other dateables. He’s never struggled with separating friendship or sex from love but, with you, he gets caught up in it. It doesn’t take long, just your brief stint in the Devildom, to make a permanent mark on him and lead him into a love that can’t be ignored or forgotten. He loves you and it’s ruining his life to know that that love will have to end when either you leave or change your mind or die eventually. 

Diavolo: Down Bad

I'll build you a fort on some planet Where they can all understand it How dare you think it's romantic Leaving me safe and stranded

I see this song as MC post Diavolo after he breaks up with them. He’s the kind of person who will always want to put his partner first, even if that means breaking both of their hearts. He loves you more than anything else in this world so he will do anything to make sure you’re safe. Once it’s time for you to return home to human realm, he’s going to to let you go and wish you the best. There’s nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind and let you stay, not when it’s so much safer and easier for you back there. He knows you can find a good life back home but you know that you’ll never be able to see the human realm the same way again after your adventure. How can you ever go back to normal after that kind of life and love? You can’t and you hate him for taking that away from you. You’d rather be damned and happy with him than safe at home; fuck everything else. 

Mammon: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch He saw forever, so he smashed it up, oh, oh My boy (My boy), only breaks his favorite toys, oh, oh

I love Mammon so much that it actually hurt a little to make this his song but I think it just fits him very well. The sound, the lyrics, the idea that a man can love you so much that he has to break your heart. Mammon loves you but Mammon also knows that he destroys everything he touches. He’s scummy and a cheat and thoughtless and selfish and the list goes on. He’s happy with you, happier than he’s ever been in his entire life, but he knows he’s only going to bring you down if you stick around. He does his best to do right and give you the world but it’s always hanging by a string, his sin keeping him one misstep away from losing it all. So he does the only thing he can for both of your sakes - he runs. He’d rather you hate him for leaving than hate him once you realize who he really is. 

Solomon: But Daddy I Love Him

Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned Screaming "But Daddy I love him!" I'm having his baby No, I'm not, but you should see your faces I'm telling him to floor it through the fences No, I'm not coming to my senses I know he's crazy but he's the one I want

The song sounds like Solomon to the very core. Something about this man makes me think feral country music just fits. Solomon is definitely considered a bit of a madman by anyone who knows him; you try being sane when you’ve lived for thousands of years and have the rest of eternity to go. We all know MC was warned up and down about the shady sorcerer but they ended up falling for him anyway. They don’t care about his past or reputation or mental stability and, honestly, the more people push against the union, the more compelling it is. Deep down, Solomon is a good man and he’s good for MC. They may be a chaotic pair but they love each other to death and have fun the whole while, just them against the world. 

Barbatos: Fresh Out the Slammer

And no matter what I've done, it wouldn't matter anyway Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake here

Finding one for Barbatos was a lot tougher than I expected honestly. The sound of the album fits with him but none of the songs were really sticking with me when I thought about him. This song was the closest I could get because it’s about Taylor serving her time (aka dating someone and suffering) and leaving to return to the person she really wants. I think of this as MC going through everything the brothers and Diavolo put them through, including dying, and how they’re so ready to move on from everything. MC has made a lot of mistakes and they would be afraid to make them with anyone else but with Barbatos there’s no worry about that because he knows everything and is always going to keep them on the right path. He’s there for them every time without fail, waiting for them to ‘come home’ and offering a safe place to land when everything goes wrong. 

Simeon: Guilty as Sin

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly I choose you and me religiously

This song was the very first one to come to me and it was like a lightning strike. Like, hello? Simeon who spends all of his grappling with his less than platonic feelings towards MC. He keeps it sweet, keeps it chaste, keeps it clean but, in his head in the darkness of his room at night, his thoughts are anything but. MC is the only person who makes Simeon feel more like a man than an angel. He feels so so so guilty for the thoughts he has and even though he doesn’t act on them, he feels like he’s just as guilty as if he did because the thoughts are just so strong and never ending. Then we get to watch as he loses this internal struggle against himself and his upbringing until he’s right at MC’s feet, ready to receive whatever they’ll give him. He chooses them because surely nothing they offer him could ever truly be wrong. 

Satan: I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

They shook their heads sayin', "God, help her" When I told 'em he's my man (I told 'em he's my man) But your good Lord didn't need to lift a finger I can fix him, no, really, I can

Satan is great. He’s typically polite and studious and vaguely charming. However, no one can ever forget that he is made up of the darkest parts of Lucifer. To see Satan lose his temper and unleash is sin is to be in serious danger. That’s why the citizens are more terrified of this brother than they are of most of the others. There’s something so deeply disconcerting about a demon that seems so tame having such a wild and deadly side. When you get together with him, onlookers are holding their breath. They warn you about the risks, about how easy it can be to flip the switch in him once he’s passionate, but you’re not worried. You’ve spent all of your time in the Devildom navigating dangerous situations and even more dangerous demons who actually wanted you dead. You’re not afraid of Satan; you know you’re the only one who can tame him and, truly, he’s such a good boy it won’t be very hard work at all. 

Asmo: I Can Do it With a Broken Heart

All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "More" I was grinnin' like I'm winnin' I was hittin' my marks 'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

This is possibly the most depressing song on the album lowkey. It’s so cheerful sounding and you can dance and sing your heart out but the lyrics make you want to cry. I think this song is so Asmo coded because we watch him perform for his fanclub and for strangers all the time. He always has to look his best, be charming, be flirty. He’s expected to be this wonderful ray of sunshine to everyone he meets and to never show a single flaw - that includes any negative feelings as well because, let’s be honest, emotions can be very ugly things to witness. So he keeps any anger or sadness or bitterness tucked carefully away where no one can see it. You won’t ever see Asmo fall apart in public. You won’t ever set it at all, actually, because Asmo can live through the worst things in the world and still come out a superstar on the other side and you don’t get there by letting anyone see you cry. 

Belphie: Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writin' a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it and I'll say, "Good riddance" 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

Belphie, Belphie, Belphie. I would’ve given him something lighter if I could have but, with the options I was offered, this song was truly the one that made the most sense. Taylor feels so incredibly betrayed and confused in this song; it’s less about wanting revenge or belittling the man behind it and more about getting some closure. MC doesn’t see it coming at all when Belphie goes in for the kill. To them, they have a wonderful friend (maybe something more), someone they’re doing their best to save, only to have that person turn right around and stab them in the back. It’s heartbreaking and trust shattering, and MC can’t help all of the questions running through their mind at the end about why Belphie is doing what he’s doing and, in the end, the why doesn’t matter as much anymore either - just that he was willing to commit such betrayal says everything they need to know. 

Beel: The Alchemy

Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team Ditch the clowns, get the crown Baby, I'm the one to beat 'Cause the sign on your heart Said it's still reserved for me Honestly, who are we to fight thе alchemy?

Any song about Travis belongs to Beel simply because they are the same person. Let’s be honest, what else could I possibly have put with him? Three guesses what his song is for part two. Anyway, Beel is just here to love and be loved. The man has been struck by tragedy and kept his heart closed to any one but his family for a long time but then you come along and he starts to open up again. You have a bunch of other demons fighting for your time and attention but you know that Beel is the only one for you. There’s no point in pursuing anyone else or him trying to fight the growing feelings because you’re going to end up together regardless. It doesn’t matter how slow it moves or how many times one of you goes back and forth either - the alchemy is going to turn whatever relationship you have into gold and it’ll last. 

[home2venus]

LOVE IS A SINKING SHIP

── ˖✮⋆˙꒰ pairing ꒱ ˒˓ jungkook x han so-hee ˒˓ seven music video universe  summary. a missing scene from the seven music video, from the perspective of han so-hee, firmly in denial. genre/tags. post-break up, getting back together, pining, accidental confessions, humor, incredibly whipped jungkook ─ 3.9k words ─ this is han so-hee's perspective of my other seven fic! read them here ⋆｡°༄˖°.🪐

Han So-hee knows what love is, and she knows for a fact that love is not found in a laundromat.

She just truly, desperately, wildly wants and needs Jeon Jungkook to get that through his head before he convinces her otherwise. That man is really too persuasive for his own good, and Han So-hee does not want to bend on this issue.

Jungkook, however, seems to have other plans.

“Can you leave me alone?”

“I love you.”

“Like, for one second, that’s all I’m asking. One second, I promise, after one singular second you can go back to bothering me, but like— One second, I feel like one second isn’t so much to ask. Just don’t talk to me, don’t say a single word, it’s really not so hard.”

“I love you,” he says again, and So-hee just sighs. Jungkook is kicking his legs back and forth, smiling at her hopefully like a child. Because, honestly, he might as well be one. Even at 25 years old, he acts like she used to when she went to the laundromat with her mother as a child. Looking at him again, with his hoodie slipping off one shoulder and his wide, doe-like, brown eyes staring at her pleadingly, she decides that he was far worse than her as a child, because she can’t remember ever being this annoying.

“So-hee,” Jungkook whines, grabbing at her sleeve as she turns from him, “I love you.”

So-hee, instead of looking at him, resolutely declares to herself that the moment she gets home she’s calling her mother to apologize for ever behaving slightly similar to the way he is right now. Her mother deserves ten awards, maybe a nobel peace prize, and, at the very least, ten winning lottery tickets.

Jungkook is her boyfriend, or he used to be her boyfriend before she wisened up and figured out he was no good. He’s pretty, and sweet, and fairly smart on the occasions where he uses whatever brain he has in there. He’s so funny that she has to sometimes grind her teeth together and zone out to keep from laughing or smiling, because to give in to his jokes means he has won. But he’s an asshole: an immature, reckless asshole that So-hee should want, does want, nothing to do with. So, she broke up with him, and that should’ve been the end of it.

It’s been two months since they broke up, and So-hee is still getting used to an empty apartment where he used to be. He didn’t live there, he had his own place with a couple of his guy friends, but he was over so often that he had carved a permanent place in her home. So-hee can feel the void where he used to be whenever she goes home.

In other news, So-hee has been spending a lot of time out of the house. Online forums say fresh air is the best way to get over a breakup, so it’s not like she’s being unhealthy. She’s fine. She’s so fucking fine.

So-hee takes the clothes out of the dryer and slams them into the empty laundry basket.

She’s fine.

When So-hee turns around to load the rest of her dirty clothes into the washing machine, Jungkook is still there. He’s quieter, not chatty or pleading like he’s been the whole time after she broke things off. He’s just... quiet; Maybe even introspective. He’s just looking at her with an unreadable stare. And he is not leaving. He sits on the washing machine and kicks his feet as she throws more clothing in, not even looking at it. She knows they won’t wash as well if she doesn’t shake them out, turn them the right side in, but the risk of Jungkook seeing something of his in her basket of dirty laundry is too high to risk. So-hee’s fingers catch on a loose string, and she knows from just the feeling of the fabric that it’s the old college sweatshirt she never gave back, the embroidered logo of white flames through a red circle faded and worn with time. She shoves it into the machine and then buries it underneath her own clothing. 

So-hee can almost feel his stare, even though she knows it’s not actually possible. Something about his presence is heavy. Something about his presence makes her feel something complicated, and complicated is very rarely something So-hee likes to deal with. She sighs loudly, and gives him a pointed glare, and he raises his hands placatingly; an easy grin replacing the contemplative look he was wearing just moments prior.

“Shut up,” she says childishly, and she does not notice the way his eyes gleam at the recognition or the way his posture straigtens as she notices him. The whole reason why they broke up is because he never cared, because he was too reckless and messy and indifferent. He didn’t care about anything, and in the beginning it was fun, because he knew how to have fun and keep the fun going. But they’re adults, and going with the flow doesn’t buy houses or keep jobs or stay stable. 

“I didn’t say a word,” he says with an audible smile, and So-hee hates the way he can reduce her of every bit of wit she knows that she has. So-hee’s smarter than this, she knows she is. She’s always been quick with words, and she’s always known how to make her words sharp to a point and sharp as a blade. Jungkook takes that away from her, and the worst thing is that he doesn’t even mean to. So-hee snaps away from him with a roll of her eyes and a grimace —truly not her finest moment— and barely notices the water rising in the building as she grumbles frustrations under her breath. 

So-hee doesn’t notice the water until it’s about waist high, and she can’t see the tops of the washer and dryer units anymore. She swears, and pushes at Jungkook who is saying something that she refuses to listen to. The water pushes them upwards, and a silly, stupid part of her feels like she’s in Titanic; the movie, not the tragedy. Jungkook is still smiling at her, even as the water reaches their chests and they’re practically swimming towards the ceiling. So-hee, because she’s a genius, manages to push at him and the ceiling at the same time. He barely drifts away from her, but the water is reaching their necks, and one of those things is far more pressing than the other. 

As they barely escape the laundromat —through the cieling, of all places, and then through the vents that lead outside— Jungkook is blessedly, strangely silent. He doesn’t talk to So-hee as they escape, just watches her with an unfaltering focus and care. When they finally are on solid ground, soaked in the cool, late night air, he keeps a steady hand on her shoulder. She’s nearly coughing her lungs out, the hand drifts to her back to rub soft, comforting circles. It’s off-putting, because Jungkook shouldn’t have that focus, doesn’t have that focus. He’s messy and careless, and that’s all he is. He can’t be anything else.

He can’t be. 

So-hee has known Jungkook for years, has gone on countless outings alone with him or with his weird, codependent friend group or with his rotation of dogs that he’s always fostering or babysitting or adopting. She knows that he cares about things, that he’s given his whole life to his family and his best friends and his job and his passions. But, she knows Jungkook. She knows that he’s selfish and possessive and impulsive. So-hee knows that he thought he loved her, and So-hee knows that he still thinks he loves her, but So-hee knows better. 

Jungkook dedicates everything in him to what he loves, and he dedicated himself to her. He loves her, according to him, but So-hee knows better because dedication runs out and love runs out and passion runs out. Jungkook is running on empty, and one day he would regret ever loving her, and then where would she be? 

So-hee knows better.

She doesn’t even say goodbye when she leaves for the train. He’s still standing out in the nighttime rain, alone and soaking wet. She doesn’t look him in the eyes when she leaves, and she doesn’t turn around.

So-hee knows better. So-hee knows it’s for the better. She still does not look at Jungkook.

The train ride home is a long and silent one. She checks her twitter feed in an attempt to not make eye contact with any of the other people on the train, who are unsubtly staring at her dripping wet hair and soaked clothing. On the news, there’s a mention of a laundromat flooded by a freak accident, and So-hee catches a glimpse of a photo taken by the on-site reporters. In the background, there’s a man and he looks pathetic and exhausted and sad and determined. So-hee can’t look at him.

So-hee goes home to a pathetic, sad apartment, and she is deeply exhausted. She changes into dry clothes, and pins her hair up, and resolves to take a clean shower and change her sheets tomorrow. She passes out the moment she hits the bed, and she does not dream, because she never does.

She wishes she had, if only to justify the thoughts of Jungkook still remaining when she wakes up in the morning. 

In the quiet light of morning, with music playing softly as she loses a fight with the omelette she’s attempting to make, she realizes that she cares a lot more than she wants to. She realizes that she cares a lot more than she should. It’s a startling realization, if only for how mundane it is. It crosses her mind leisurely, wearing the disguise of something normal, because it is something normal. The thought crosses the streets of her mind hand in hand with I’m hungry and Don’t forget to pick up mom’s perscription later and Is it embarrassing that I still can’t cook eggs. 

I still love him, she thinks, and it’s completely normal. 

I still love him, she thinks, and I still love him so much more than I should.

What makes her uncomfortable isn’t the thought, but the fact that the thought wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s an unsettlingly normal thought to have, like it’s lived inside her long enough to be comfortable, like it’s made a home in her mind. 

What’s uncomfortable is that loving him is a part of her. What’s uncomfortable is that the love she has has settled into her home and her life and her routine. The love settles under her fingernails and in her hair, settles in the cat toys littered around her house and the trinkets that clutter her shelves and tables and workdesk. 

She loved him and she loves him and she misses him. 

In the soft light of morning, So-hee sits on her kitchen counter next to a plate of rapidly cooling eggs. Her legs swing and her cats bat at her socks, meowing and pestering her for food. So-hee doesn’t even look at them, her eyes faraway and staring down at her blindingly bright phone screen. She has a couple missed calls from a number she doesn’t recognize, and eventually just blocked once they started calling well into midnight, and one unread text message from an account she should’ve blocked a long time ago if she had any dignity.

Jungkook: we left our wallets at the laundromat.

So-hee takes a deep breath and steels herself.

So-hee: Thanks, I’ll pick it up there later today.

Jungkook: i dont think thats gonna work

So-hee: Why not?

Jungkook: they gave ur stuff to me bc my wallet was at the top of the basket and they assumed it was mine. the laundromat is still closed, is there anywhere i can meet u to give it back?

Let it be known that, usually, So-hee is a rational woman. Usually, she does not make decisions that will hurt herself, especially not knowingly, and she rarely ever makes rash decisions.

So-hee: Just come to my place to drop it off.

Usually, So-hee is a rational woman. Not always.

Jungkook: really???

So-hee: Do you not remember my address?

Jungkook: no i remember ur address ! i’ll be there in fifteen :)

So-hee: Alright. Drive safely.

So-hee is staring at her phone. So-hee puts her phone down, and does not scream or cry or have any other disproportinate and dramatic reaction. She is so calm and collected and not stressed in any way. So-hee is the most normal, well-adjusted woman in all of South Korea, possibly even the world, and one man will not change that for her. 

To show how well-adjusted she is, she changes her clothes seven times in the mirror, and arranges and disassembles and rearranges a messy bun another fourteen times. On her seventh outfit —a baby tee and low waisted sweatpants with the same fuzzy socks— So-hee turns to see Hammer staring at her judgementally.

“Don’t look at me like that,” So-hee whines, throwing herself dramatically on the bed and burying her face in her hands.

Hammer does not respond, because Hammer is a cat.

“Don’t judge me, Hammer,” So-hee continues, “Not all of us can be nonchalant cool kids, you know?”

Hammer does not know. Hammer wants breakfast, not an existensial crisis.

The doorbell rings, and So-hee does not look up. The doorbell rings again, and it takes a moment, but So-hee flings herself up with wide eyes. She races out of her bedroom, checking herself in the mirror one more time. She looks perfect, because So-hee has always known that she’s gorgeous. But, this time, it’s not about being pretty. It’s about being cool. She slows as she reaches the front door, schooling her face into something that looks effortlessly calm, and opens the door.

“Hey,” Jungkook says, startled and looking slightly embarrassed.

“Hey yourself,” She says back, straight-faced. She’s so fucking cool. She steps back, and gestures for him to come inside. He hesitates, looking at her intently like he hasn’t been begging to be around her for the past month. She’s shocked he didn’t just open the door and sit on the couch all by himself.

“Are you sure?” He asks, and she rolls her eyes fondly.

“I’m always sure,” She says, lying through her teeth, “Anyway, I don’t know how you’d bring my laundry inside without, y’know, stepping inside?” 

“Yeah,” He says, blushy and nervous, “Yeah, you’re right, sorry.” He stumbles through the door like he’s never done it before, like it’s not his thousandth time being in her house. It’s upsettingly endearing, the way that he’s a bumbling fool of a man. 

“I’m always right, it’s nothing to apologize for.” So-hee says, shooting him a smile. She would say that she doesn’t know why she’s bothering to comfort him, but due to previous realizations that day, she thinks she has a pretty strong clue why. It starts with L and ends in oving this stupid idiot to an unhealthy degree. 

He sets the laundry basket down in her living room, all of it dried out from being in police storage overnight as they emptied out everything that was once in the laundromat. It’s wrinkled, and she’ll have to find a new laundromat to rewash and dry everything, but it’s back in her possession. Marsh-ie and Hammer leave their spot at their food dishes and sprint as fast as their kitten legs can carry them to Jungkook, who laughs and crouches down to coddle them with babytalk and pets. So-hee remembers then that she has forgotten to feed them, so she moves over to the kitchen area, still watching him over the counter and thanking the apartment gods that she has one with an open concept kitchen and living space. She pours them both food and water softly, trying not to attract attention from them or Jungkook.

“Hi baby,” He coos, and So-hee flinches at the way she almost responds on instinct to the endearment. She turns quietly, but he’s immersed in Marsh-ie and Hammer’s antics, smiling softly as Marsh-ie bats at his hands and Hammer tries to climb up his back. 

I love you, she almost says. 

“Want some coffee?” She says instead, and he startles. She almost regrets disturbing him, but the cats have already left at the sound of her voice, realizing that breakfast has finally been served. He looks hopeful for a moment, and then deeply, deeply tired.

“I do,” He says glumly, and she furrows her brow in confusion at his downtrodden look.

“...But?” She prompts, and he looks downright murderous to the point that she’s almost worried for herself, before he finally stands up to look at her and his eyes soften to something sweeter. He smiles a smile that looks more like a forced grimace, and shakes his head.

“I’d stay, but the guys have been planning brunch for a while now, and Hobi would kill me if I cancelled on them this short notice,” Jungkook says. So-hee hums thoughtfully, and he looks at her nervously.

“No worries,” she says, “Thanks so much for coming then, if I had known I’d make you late for other plans I wouldn’t have asked.”

“It was my pleasure! The guys know that I’d do whatever you ask, so they won’t mind my lateness” He says with an earnest grin, and the worst part is that So-hee really does believe him. So-hee knows that he doesn’t even realize that what he says would be embarrassing for anyone else to admit, especially to their ex-girlfriend, and she knows that he doesn’t care. So-hee doesn’t understand that confidence, the disregard of any and every social boundary in a pursuit to show love for someone. She does understand the art of changing the subject though.

“Well, still, thanks for that. Have a safe drive over to brunch then, I won’t keep you waiting,” So-hee says, grabbing his jacket off the kitchen stool he draped it over and tossing it over his shoulders as he bends down to say bye to her cats. It’s quiet as Jungkook leaves, only the sound of residual cat purrs and the shuffling of him putting on sneakers. He puts the jacket on more firmly, and smiles hesitantly at her.

“Oh!” She says, and Jungkook takes a step back, eyes wide. He startles easily, So-hee notes absently, I don’t know why he’s so nervous. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook questions tentatively, and she snaps her fingers at him.

“Hobi is the one with a dance studio, right?” She asks, leaning closer.

“Uh, yeah, he is. I didn’t think you remembered that-”

“Of course I remembered, I remember everything you tell me,” she says absently, waving him off as she scrambles around her kitchen for a pen and paper. She’s rummaging through a junk drawer when she calls over to him, “Wait just a second!” Jungkook’s barely paying attention anyway though, his eyes wide and his hand over his mouth as he repeats her words disbelieving under his breath.

“Everything?” He whispers, and she hums in questioning. He goes to ask further, but she shoves a notecard with a phone number and a name on it into his hands.

“If Hobi’s ever looking for a ballet instructor, he can call this number,” So-hee rambles, “It’s one of my cousins on my mom’s side, and she’s such a great dancer that it’s almost maddening. She’s a little annoying, but not terribly so, and she’s such a fantastic teacher-”

“Wait, So-hee-” Jungkook tries, but she’s still talking.

“And if he has any space in that contemporary class, tell him to let me know because my sister has been scrambling for a good dance studio nearby for her daughter.”

“I’ll have to ask Jimin, because he teaches contemporary. But, So-hee-”

“Alright, thanks so much, you’re the best in the world, I literally love you so much.” So-hee says breathlessly, and Jungkook feels just as breathless, the air knocked out of him. His face is a little pale and his hands are a little shaky, and So-hee frowns, lightly putting her fingers on his shoulder. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, “You look a little sick, Jungkook, are you-” 

I literally love you so much. I literally love you so much. 

Oh, fuck.

Jungkook looks at her, and So-hee looks at him, both of them now pale and slightly shaky.

“I-” So-hee starts and then doesn’t finish, the words barely leaving her. Jungkook’s eyes are shiny, and hopeful, and So-hee hates herself for how much she wants to fall into them, into him. She loves him.

So-hee loves Jungkook. So-hee loves Jungkook more than she’s ever loved anything, and that is a big, scary feeling to feel. So-hee’s love could fill an ocean, and that is a big, scary place to be able to fill with love for one man, one person, one anything. 

Love is a big, scary thing.

“I think you should go,” So-hee says, instead of saying any of that. So-hee is a coward.

Jungkook smiles at her, all sad and soft and patient. So-hee hates him. So-hee hates that stupid face and stupid smile and stupid patience that makes her feel cruel and evil and mean. She hates him and she’s terrified of him and she loves him.

“I love you,” Jungkook says, because Jungkook cannot just be reckless and immature because that would be too easy, but he must also be patient and loving and brave. She hums in acknowledgement, and he hesitates for a moment, but he leans in and kisses her right under her eye.

So-hee didn’t even realize she was near tears until right then. She doesn’t say anything, even as he fully walks out the door and slowly shuts it behind him. So-hee can’t even cry. She just stares at the wall and pets her cats and it’s so quiet. So-hee wishes she had begged Jungkook to stay for a few more minutes, if only for the sound of him embarrassingly babytalking her cats could drown out what she hears in her own thoughts. There’s the leftover heat of a kiss right below her eyes, and she wipes harshly at her eyes, partially to clear the tears and partially a futile attempt to remove the sting of what could’ve been, if So-hee stopped being so scared all the time.

In So-hee’s apartment, where a light breeze flutters the curtains but the bright sun warms the floor, So-hee can hear the vivid sounds of an ocean flooding a laundromat and the impossibly clearer sound of her heart breaking on her kitchen floor.

So-hee loves Jungkook, and So-hee is terrified of loving Jungkook, and So-hee hopes that love is not found in a laundromat. Selfishly, So-hee hopes that Jungkook continues to love her and continues to wait for her, and continues to pursue her so that one day, she can love him in a place where she isn’t surrounded by baskets of her dirty laundry.

The dirty laundry, So-hee reminds herself with a glance at the laundry basket sitting innocently by her couch. Jungkook’s sweatshirt lies at the top, next to her wallet and a note in his familar bad handwriting that says ‘I love you.’

I love you, So-hee says back, if only in her own mind.

[beabnormal24]

Hi, hello, it’s me again here.

So, of course my competitive butt had to take my own comment about Yuki/Alex as a challenge and now I have 12k or more of a draft.

But I don’t know if I’m doing it correctly, I NEED HELP (also mental help, possibly). I was mostly inspired by AJR’s song ‘Turning out’, which I highly recommend because it’s A MASTERPIECE.

The general idea is: Yuki finds a stray puppy during a storm and he brings it to the prt clinic at the ground floor of his apartment complex where Alex has just started working.

They start to get to know each other but Yuki is still nit sure if he actually likes Alex or if he sees him as a best friend, since he’s never cared about actually getting into a relationship so he had never actually looked at the difference between love and in love.

But it’s also a big period of his life because both Charles and Pierre have moved out of the apartment that they used to all (as in Yuki, Pierre and Charles) live in during university because they have started working and have decided to move in either their respective partners.

Charles is already engaged with Carlos (of course there’s Charlos, it’s my fic) and Pierre hints at proposing to George (I don’t know where this ship came from in my mind but I wanted it, so I wrote about it), and Yuki is starting to feel lonely. [also, other side-couples are Sewis and Landoscar]

He has the company of a puppy called Kuri (because it’s Japanese for chestnut, and I imagine Yuki with a poodle with chestnut fur) and Alexander Albon, funny and tall and easygoing but he doesn’t know what it means to him.

So, lots of introspection as it’s common in my fics and fluff because Yalex has to be a comfort ship, sorry. (And I’m also planning on smut, hehe)

Anyway, here is a little snippet, let me know what you think about it (keep in mind that I am NOT British and I do NOT have a beta reader):

—

Karma may be a little fickle tonight, but it certainly pulls him to its side when the heavy rain turns into a light drizzle halfway through his way back to his apartment complex – which isn’t a long journey, per se, but Yuki surely isn’t one to look into a gifted horse’s mouth.

So, by the time he has reached the closed doors of the vet clinic, he is shivering much less than before and the biting cold in his bones has turned into an uncomfortable chill shiver running down his spine from time to time.

What is annoying is the hair plastered down to his eyes dripping wet and the fact that he can’t even try and move a few strands out because his arms are already stuffed full of the sleeping body of a tiny, harmed puppy.

Good God.

The doors stay closed when he finds a sheltered place under the brick's roof of the entrance, but Yuki knows for a fact that Sebastian is never able to leave this place until it’s ten in the evening, because there’s always some animal staying the night after an operation, and he would probably rather close the clinic for good instead of leaving them alone for more than eight hours.

Yuki had never got it, honestly, the sleep and the warm comfort of his bed seems like a much better prospect than staying around sleeping animals in pain, but now that he’s looking at the limp tiny thing in his arms, he may start to understand.

“Sebastian!” he calls out, reaching with his pinky finger to the doorbell. He cries his name a bunch of times, because the rain is starting to fall again and his voice might get covered soon enough, and there’s no way that Yuki is going to wait for him to close everything up – that might take hours, the puppy may be hurting too much by then. “Sebastian, please, it’s an emergency” he must sound like a possessed man, and the lady on the first floor will probably have something to complain about in their next condominium meeting. But she always talks too loudly on her phone on Sunday mornings when Yuki is trying to sleep away a tremendous hangover, so she can honestly go fuck herself – respectfully.

It still takes a few more minutes and a few more desperate calls for the door to open and the dim yellow light of the waiting room to seep on the steps. Yuki slips inside without even waiting for it to open completely, clutching the jacket close to his chest and exhaling deeply through his nose when the warmth of the air-conditioned room finally engulfs him. The puppy sighs against his chest, so it must appreciate the change in temperature, too.

“See, I told you buddy I would get you safe. Yuki always keeps his promises” he says softly, shuffling the bundle of leather closer to his face. The puppy smells pretty bad, a mix of blood and dumpsters rubbish from London neighborhoods, but its tiny eyes are staring back at him all lucid and wide and full of fondness, like it can actually feel love for him, and Yuki can’t even consider the possibility of getting it too far away from his nose.

Yuki may have just fallen in love, too. But it also might be the adrenaline of acting like a freaking hero in a rainstorm when he can barely reach the top cupboard of his kitchen with the help of a stepladder.

But Disney never made a movie about short heroes; he never had a figure to look up to during his childhood.

“Now Sebastian here will take really good care of you, yes? He won’t ever hurt you. Right Seb-” Yuki stops in his tracks when his gaze meets a pair of brown eyes that definitely do not belong to Sebastian, especially with the way he almost has to bend his neck in half to actually look at the face in front of him and not at the expanse of a broad chest hugged by a plain blue polo.

This is not Sebastian’s chest and not Sebastian’s hair and definitely not Sebastian’s lips and definitely definitely not Sebastian’s white coat. Oh.

“You’re not Sebastian” Yuki says dumbly.

Surely enough, there’s a tall lanky guy standing in front of the now closed door, looking only slightly stunned at Yuki’s sudden outburst, like it’s normal to have someone barging inside a vet clinic at half past nine on a Thursday night in the middle of yet another London’s rainy day.

Oh god, but what if this guy is the one who actually barged in? What if Yuki has just uncovered a burglar? But would a burglar open the door for him?

The guy stares at Yuki in silence for two long seconds before he starts patting his abdomen, pretending to check his whole appearance. “Oh, fuck I’m not Sebastian!” the guy exclaims, looking frantically at his fingers, clenching and unclenching his fists like he’s trying to make out the shape of them.

Yuki snorts, shaking his head. This guy could never be a burglar even if his life depended on it, it seems. Besides, he might be slim enough to pass through anything, but he’s still too tall to go unnoticed.

“No, I’m not Sebastian” tall guy says, chuckling to himself. “I’m Alex. You almost made me have an existential crisis right then and there.”

“Identity theft is not a joke”

Alex raises an amused eyebrow at him, like he’s trying to make out the space where Yuki fits in his vision, and he smiles, wide and bright with big teeth and all. “You’re a cultured man, Yuki.”

Yuki furrows his eyebrows in confusion, “How do you know my name?” He asks, looking at the puppy in his arms to make sure- oh, right. “Oh”

Alex laughs again, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He must have a tendency for it or maybe it’s just Yuki who looks funny in general. A lot of people have told him that in the past and he still doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.

“You’re funny” Alex states, like it’s some kind of irrefutable axiom. He clasps his hands, taking a few steps forward to start inspecting the bundle between Yuki’s arms. “I heard there was an emergency.”

Instinctively, Yuki clutches the jacket closer, one finger gently caressing the single dot of white in the middle of the beige fur of his head. The puppy yelps softly, snuggling its little nose towards Yuki’s chest, and his heart swells like a balloon.

“Yeah, I really need Sebastian” Yuki says, “I mean, this little thing is hurt, and it really needs a vet.”

“Well, then, it’s a good coincidence I work here, no?” Alex smiles wide, teeth showing between his lips.

Yuki blinks at him. “Uh, no you don’t?” He says but it sounds more like a question than a statement. But, to be fair, he lives above the place, and he has known everyone around here for ages, he would’ve surely remembered someone as tall as this Alex, with such bright dyed hair and this adorable smile-

“Uh, yes I do?” Alex says back, grinning. “I mean, just since this morning. But officially I work here.”

“I’ve never seen you around. And I live here” Yuki says defensively, trying his very best to show at least a smidge of self-consciousness even though he will probably give up pretty easily if Alex keeps staring at him like this – big eyes, big smile, hair that look incredibly morbid.

He hasn’t seen a new face in a while, more so belonging to a cute guy, and there’s still a beer slowly swimming in his stomach, so he should be justified.

“I moved recently” Alex explains, not giving much information away to satiate Yuki’s curiosity. He arches an eyebrow, finally touching the sides of the jacket hanging from Yuki’s arms. Yuki lets him just because he doesn’t really know what to do anymore, and if the guy is really a vet as he’s claiming to be, then he should trust him more than himself.

It definitely is not because his brain is slowly turning to mush at their proximity.

“Now, let’s see what we have here” Alex says, carefully taking the jacket from his arms.

The puppy goes willingly without even whimpering once, instead snuggling happily as it’s deposited against the chest of a new stranger. Traitor, Yuki thinks, though he would probably react the same in its place.

“Hi little baby. How cute are we? So much” Alex coos gently, caressing with his index finger the same spot Yuki had been gently scraping earlier. The puppy gives another satisfied yelp. “Oh, are we hurt? Poor little thing. But now Alex will take good care of you, alright?”

Yuki just stands there looking at the interaction with his hands to the sides, suddenly feeling too empty after so long of hanging desperately on to the tiny animal. But it’s incredibly adorable and endearing the way Alex keeps comforting it, as if it can actually understand what he’s saying, its tiny tail wiggling against the jacket when he manages to scratch a good spot behind his ears.

The puppy must sense that Alex is a good person, and Yuki may be a little dramatic most of the time, but he probably trusts the puppy more than himself. Especially if it’s about a cute guy talking with a high-pitched voice to an adorable animal in pain.

“Now Alex will take you to the other room and we’ll check everything, yeah?” He looks at Yuki then, eyeing him up and down, probably taking in his conditions.

Only then Yuki realizes what he must look like, with his hair flat over his head, raindrops still sliding down his nose, the simple white T-shirt he had been wearing under the jacket now completely soaked, tight against his chest. His shoes make a weird squelching sound when he takes a step forward, his socks clinging uncomfortably to his toes and his pants scratching against his probably already bruised knees.

Fuck, he wanted to wear them for work, there’s no way he’ll wash them in time.

“Uh, sorry?” He mumbles, painfully aware of the puddle he has formed under his feet. He grips at the hem of his T-shirt, uselessly trying to straighten it out and immediately regretting it when his palms leave sticky red handprints in their wakes. Yeah, no, there’s no way this is recoverable.

Alex doesn’t seem angry about it, and as his gaze falls to the stained fabric, he frowns, concerned.

“It’s the puppy’s” Yuki says, cringing at the feeling of blood against his skin.

Oh God, it’s the puppy’s blood. A puppy’s blood is staining his clothes and his hands and he’s going to puke, isn’t he? Or worse, what if this cute guy thinks he hurt it? What if this cute guy thinks he is an attempted murderer? A murderer of puppies?

Yuki is honestly afraid of his own shadow most of the time, and he still sleeps with his night light on when there’s too many thunders outside, but how can he convince Alex of that without embarrassing himself even further?

To his delight, Alex smiles at him, shaking his head with a twinge of fondness that makes Yuki’s cheeks feel incredibly warm for the way he’s still shivering from the cold. “Come on, then” Alex says, turning around “You can clean up and dry off in front of the radiator.”

Yuki doesn’t have to be told twice.

[kiigan]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME: Theia

PRONOUNS : she/her or they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord please! It's faster and it's easier and it has a lot of extra functionalities for both chatting and roleplay. I don't mind the tumblr DMs but they are very unreliable and more than once I've experienced not being notified that somebody messaged me or vice-versa.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : Itachi, basically. However, on discord I've dabbed a bit at writing Kimimaro, Temari, and Rock Lee mostly for fun with friends. And I suppose I should mention I also write muses in other fandoms? Though the Naruto hyperfixation has been real as of late, but yeah, I also have muses in Star Wars, Fullmetal Alchemist, Resident Evil, and several Final Fantasy games.

BEST EXPERIENCE : I would say it's that moment you look at a reply from your partner and 1) you are in awe at their writing and portrayal and wondering how did you get so lucky to write with someone so talented, and 2) you can't wait to get to replying back, no matter how long the thread may be, and in fact you find yourself having so much fun with it and getting so engaged that you easily write back twice as much.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Uhhh I would say it's probably to feel that my partner isn't as invested as I am. For example, if we agree to plot but I'm the only one suggesting ideas and coming up with scenarios, and all I get back is short replies or something generic like "I'm okay with anything". Or if we have a ship together (doesn't even have to be a romantic ship) and I'm the only one coming up with headcanons and sharing stuff that reminds me of our muses. By all means, we don't need to talk/ plot/ roleplay every single day! I get very busy myself and sometimes go radio silent. And, as someone who's autistic, trust me that I know very well the feeling of being socially awkward. But roleplay is a partnership and requires mutual investment. If I start feeling like I'm the only one excited about our muses and plots, that's gonna make me feel like I'm annoying you and, in turn, that's gonna be the fastest way to make me withdraw from it.

MUSE PREFERENCES: I have recently confirmed that my muse type is Tall and Handsome and Full of Trauma, and occasionally also full of eye gore. But also I am very drawn to "accidental" heroes, heroes that are heroes not out of a prophecy but because, within their limitations, they choose to do what is right and what is needed. And I am also very drawn to big brother figures?? A lot of my muses seem to end up adopting orphans and/or raising other people's children lmao.

PLOTS OR MEMES : I prefer plotting because, from my self-experience, non-plotted interactions get dropped far too easily (either by myself or by my rp partners). That said, I am also a big fan of letting the muses talk and choose what they want, even if it may go against something previously plotted. And I don't think this is incompatible with memes? I do love memes and they are super good for breaking the ice between people who never wrote together! And also super good to provide new scenarios with which to plot and develop upon.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I have the tendency to write a lot, so I'd say long replies? Which doesn't mean I'm not interested in short ones! Especially because, sometimes, my brain is too mush to handle the long stuff so it's nice to have short ones to get some writing done. I just find it that, with muses like Itachi who rely heavily on introspection, it really is easy for me to get into it and write a lot more than originally planned.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : Whenever my brain is not dead from work, I guess. As of late, it's been a lot easier for me to write during weekends for this reason. I care a lot about my replies and I don't like to give back half-assed stuff, so really the best time is whenever I can sit down, relax, blast some music, and get to writing.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : I am definitely a nerd like Tachi and his perfectionism + obsessiveness come from my own. We are also both introverts and we both often occasionally have... trouble to keep a normal conversation going lol. And, honestly, we are both idealists.

tagged by: @fightaers & @fighterbound ♡ tagging: if you're reading this you're tagged by default~

[if-seal]

how do you keep going with a project if you lose the motivation? i have so many unfinished stories :/ pls help, o wise seal

Dear Friend In Need of Motivation,

Did you know that elephant seals can hold their breath for up to two hours? I can't do that, though: I can do about 30 minutes.

Which is to say that not all of us are holding-our-breath-for-two-hours kinds of seals. And even if we are, we need to practise.

Friend, it is entirely understandable to have a collection of unfinished stories. I have SO many. Sometimes they feel like a great idea at the time, or we get a burst of enthusiasm at the start but then the plot doesn't make sense anymore, or we move onto the next one because it's so shiny and delicious.

Just to say that you are entirely not alone in this.

There is a bit of an overlap with yesterday's Friend With A Scene Of Much Importance so first I will point you towards the practical advice there about keeping on track with writing. In particular breaking what you need to do down into small chunks, planning it out before writing, and trying just five minutes of work may help you.

But motivation for a whole project is a bigger question.

Time to get a nice beverage of your choice - I like iced lemonade - and do some introspection about what brings you joy about your project. Is it immersing yourself in a world? Making characters happy or miserable? Surprising players with twists and turns? Whatever it is, keep it in your mind. Make a post-it. Write it on the side of the bath in bubbles.

If a lot of your joy is about getting feedback and people hyping your work, be cautious! That is a fantastic feeling but it's harder to rely on it than something within you. Chase that intrinsic motivation if you can, friend!

That said! If you're able to share your story with someone you trust, and say "I am feeling down about this and really need some cheerleading, can you tell me what's great about it" that can be a great way to boost motivation and remind you what you love about your work.

I also suggest having a document with notes about each New Shiny Idea that comes up while you're working on a long project. That way your brain will recognise that you've paid attention to the idea and will hopefully not bother you so much about doing THIS ONE NOW.

You may want to consider simplifying your unfinished game, or starting small, especially if you have never finished a game before. I know how exciting it is to find a huge squid and want to eat it all, but sometimes it's just a bit much and a dogfish is more manageable. Check out the beautiful games in the @neo-twiny-jam which have only 500 words or the original Twiny Jam, or the Single Choice Jam from @neointeractives which contain only a single choice. Making a small game is a glorious feeling because you get that dopamine rush of having completed something and it's not such a long process.

Ultimately each story you write is a story only YOU can tell. Your perspective, your experience, your skills, will bring something special and different. Your gay selkie will be different to Sealy McSeal's gay selkie even if you are both writing a similar lighthouse romance. Finishing a game, even a small one, will give you so much more understanding about how interactive stories hang together.

Now. The tricky bit.

Because sometimes despite our efforts a game just doesn't hang together and we leave it behind. If that happens be kind to yourself about it, understand that every project is a learning experience, and let it go.

Because you will have learned something - even if it's as small as "I don't want to try something that complicated again" or "I need a less sandboxy approach" or "this game would work better with storylets" or "I don't actually feel able to tackle merfolk governance in this game". It may be larger, like developing your descriptive skill, or figuring out a particular way of coding, or doing something interesting with UI, or framing choices in a way you haven't before. Either way, it does have value even if it's unfinished.

You might consider putting it in the Bring Out Your Ghosts Jam from @neointeractives so you can show off what you did and formally say goodbye so it's not hanging over you like a sinister-looking clump of seaweed anymore. You might look at it in the future and cannibalise it for other work, or enjoy your turns of phrase or the tricky code you got working; you might never look at it again.

That's all OK. Not everything gets finished.

But I believe that you can finish something. If you've done it before, you can do it again. And if you haven't yet, you've got that in your future. Good luck!