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greysfall · 3 years

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My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)

My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.

PROS:

- Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.

- The new cast and new game is charming in their own way

- The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.

- Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect

- The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed

- Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho

- Still good music

- Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching

- Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore

- The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past

- The social network is crazy and interesting to read through

- Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.

- Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.

CONS:

- The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.

- I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.

- The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…

- The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.

- Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.

- Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).

- Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?

- Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.

- Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture

The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end

An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.

When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.

Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.

The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.

That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.

If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.

The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own

Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.

She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.

They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.

How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.

Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.

She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.

“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side

But time goes on, and without us realizing it

The battle is getting heated

Time goes on, and without us realiazing it

Divided again”

To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)

It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.

Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.

Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.

During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.

The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away

After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.

It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.

I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild. Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.

Individuality, connection and the social network

The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.

Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.

The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.

Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about “connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.

The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.

The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.

Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.

Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.

“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.

The old friends

It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.

Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.

Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.

Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.

#neotwewy #neotwewyspoilers #ntwewy #ntwewy spoilers #neo the world ends with you #twewy #review #meta #neo twewy #shoka sakurane #rindo kanade #tsugumi matsunae

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samwisethewitch · 4 years

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Tapping Into Your Psychic Senses

Every single person on the planet has psychic abilities, but most people never realize that they’re using them. As Tess Whitehurst says in her book You Are Magical, “There is almost certainly something you assume that everyone can perceive that is actually a perception that is relatively unique to you.”

For example: you may be a gifted artist. Drawing and painting come naturally to you, and you have an intuitive sense of form and color. You probably know people who claim that they “don’t have an artistic bone in their body” or “can’t even draw a stick figure,” but you can’t bring yourself to believe it. Surely, those people are just psyching themselves out, because if art comes so easily to you, everyone must be able to do it to some extent, right?

Psychic abilities are similar. You’ve probably been tapping into at least one psychic sense all your life, but it feels so normal to you that you assume everyone experiences the world this way.

Once you become aware of your innate psychic abilities, you can start to harness them. For this reason, I think it’s a good idea to become familiar with (and comfortable using!) your natural psychic gifts before you try to learn any kind of divination.

Read over the following list of common psychic senses. Does one or more of them sound familiar? Once you recognize which of these you resonate with, focus on strengthening that gift over the next couple of weeks. You’ll be amazed by how easily you’re able to tap into it once you know how!

Clairvoyance: Clear Seeing

Contrary to popular opinion, the word “clairvoyance” does not describe any and all psychic abilities. Someone with clairvoyance receives psychic messages through their sense of sight. They may see these messages with their physical eyes, or see images in their mind’s eye. Seeing auras is an example of clairvoyance in action.

You may be clairvoyant if…

You often see flashes of light, blurred figures, or other visual phenomena that others do not see. [Note: This is NOT the same as visual hallucinations. Clairvoyants typically see things with their mind’s eye, not their physical eyes, and can differentiate between their visions and what is physically in front of them.]

You often experience random mental images that seem to have nothing to do with what’s going on around you.

Your meditations are primarily visual — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may see a bubbling fountain in your mind’s eye.

You are a visual learner.

Ways to Strengthen Clairvoyance

Keep a journal of the mental images you receive “out of nowhere.” Do these images mean anything to you? Do individual visions fit into a larger pattern?

Meditate on the energy systems in your body, starting from the feet and working up to the crown of the head. What does your energy look like? Are the colors bright and clear, or more faded and muddy? Does the energy move quickly, or is it slow and sluggish? Are there certain areas of your body where the energy seems to be tied up or stuck? How does its appearance correspond to your life?

Do research into auras and what the different aura colors mean. Do you always seem to see or think of a certain color when you’re around a certain person? How does that color represent that person’s energy and personality? Write down your findings.

Clairaudience: Clear Hearing

Someone with clairaudience receives psychic messages through their sense of hearing. They may hear messages with their physical ears or “hear” them in their mind. A medium who hears spirits is an example of someone using clairaudience.

You may be clairaudient if…

You sometimes “hear” things in your mind, as if someone else was talking to you from inside your head. [Note: This is NOT the same as “hearing voices” or auditory hallucinations. Clairaudients usually “hear” messages with their mind, not their physical ears, and they can distinguish between psychic messages and physical, “real world” sounds.]

Sometimes, when you listen to music or watch a movie, a specific lyric or line of dialogue seems to jump out at you, as if it were a special message.

Your meditations are primarily auditory — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may hear a babbling brook.

You are an auditory learner.

Ways to Strengthen Clairaudience

Keep a journal of the messages you “hear” out of nowhere. Are they consistent, forming a larger pattern? Do they all seem to be “in the same voice,” or coming from the same source? (If so, this could be a deity or spirit guide reaching out to you.)

Do a meditation with the intention of holding a conversation with a helpful spirit guide. (If you are not comfortable working with spirits, you can set the intention of speaking to your inner self.) What does their voice sound like? Is it different from or similar to your own? Do they speak with an accent or have a unique inflection? Write down your thoughts.

Experiment with shufflemancy. This is a modern form of divination where you put a playlist on shuffle and receive a psychic message from the song that plays first. (You can find playlists specifically made for shufflemancy online, or make your own.) How does the song make you feel? Are there certain lyrics that jump out to you? Write down your thoughts.

Clairsentience: Clear Feeling

Someone with clairsentience feels psychic messages, either through their body or through their emotions. They may feel physical sensations, like an upset stomach, or may be very sensitive to emotional energies. Intuitively picking up on someone’s emotions without needing to ask is an example of clairsentience.

You may be clairsentient if…

You often feel physical sensations, like a hot flash or a cold chill, out of nowhere.

You are able to feel other people’s emotions — you can always tell when someone has had a bad day, even if they’re trying to hide it.

You can sense the “vibe” of a room as soon as you walk in. Do certain buildings feel “angry” or “sad” to you? Can you always tell the energy of a party even if you just arrived?

Your meditations primarily focus on tactile sensations — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may feel waves lapping at your feet.

Ways to Strengthen Clairsentience

Pay attention to your “gut feelings.” Do you feel a sinking sensation when thinking about something, only for it to go badly later? Do you feel a warm, fuzzy sensation thinking about something, only for it to go really well? Write down your experiences — and be honest. It’s okay if your gut feeling doesn’t always match the outcome.

Do a pathworking meditation (this is just a type of meditation that focuses on taking a mental journey) to a forest, or a beach, or some other location that appeals to you. Try to feel as many tactile sensations as possible, as if you were really there. Feel the grass or sand under your feet, feel the wind in your hair, feel the sun on your skin. Write down your experience.

Practice feeling the energy of a plant or crystal. Reach out and touch the plant/crystal, and try to feel it out. Does it have a calm, stable energy, or is it more bright and zingy? Try feeling a different plant/crystal and see how it feels different. Write down your experience.

Note: Some (but not all) clairsentients are also empaths, people who take on the emotions of others as if they were their own. All empaths are clairsentient, but not all clairsentient people are empaths. You may be an empath if you often find yourself matching the emotions of the people you’re around — you cry when they cry, laugh when they laugh, etc.

Claircognizance: Clear Knowing

Claircognizence is the gift of psychic knowing — people with this ability often “just know” things, even if they should have no way of knowing. They may know what someone is about to say before they say it, or know personal information about someone they just met.

You may be claircognizant if…

You “just know” what’s going on with your friends and family, even if they haven’t told you. For example, you may suddenly feel like you need to call your sister, only to find out after you call that she just broke up with her boyfriend.

You always know who a text is from as soon as your phone dings, or always know what song is going to play next on shuffle.

You often know things about new people as soon as you meet them, only for them to confirm it later. Did you know your friend was a vegetarian before he told you, even though you’d never shared a meal with him?

Your meditations often include “downloads” of information, where you feel like the answer to your question or some other revelation has just been dropped into your brain.

Ways to Strengthen Claircognizance

Every time your phone goes off, try to guess who the message is from. Keep a tally of how often you’re right vs. wrong.

Do a meditation with the intention of receiving the answer to a specific question. Retreat to a place of stillness and focus on your breath until the answer to the question “just comes to you.” Write down your experience.

This is a game I used to play with my sister before I knew what claircognizance was: have a friend show you a picture of someone they know, but whom you have never met before. Focus on the picture, and see if you get any info about the person — are they a jock? Do they like rock music? What’s their personality like? Get your friend to confirm or deny the info you got from the picture, and keep a tally of how often you’re right vs. wrong.

The Other Clairs

There are two other “clair” senses that are less common, so I’m not going to talk about them at length here. Clairalience, or “clear smelling,” refers to receiving psychic messages through smell. (If you smell roses out of nowhere, with no roses in sight, you may be using clairalience.) Clairgustance, or “clear tasting,” refers to receiving psychic messages through taste. (If you taste chocolate out of nowhere, you may be using claigustance.)

In my experience, these psychic senses are less common than the ones listed above. Most people I know who have clairalience or clairgustance seem to use it as a secondary sense, in addition to a primary sense like clairvoyance or clairsentience.

Conclusion

You are probably using at least one of these psychic senses every day, without even knowing it. Most people have two to three “main” psychic senses, but some may regularly and easily use all of them. For example, my primary psychic senses are clairsentience and claircognizance, but I also find myself receiving messages through clairaudience fairly often. It’s rare for me to receive clairvoyant messages, but it has happened.

Once you’ve identified the psychic senses that you naturally lean towards, you can begin to develop and strengthen them.

Resources:

You Are Magical by Tess Whitehurst [Specifically the chapter, “Reading the Signs.”]

The Fat Feminist Witch Podcast, Episode 68: “Clear Knowing”

The Angel Code by Chantel Lysette [Specifically the section on the psychic senses.]

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abeautifulblog · 2 years

Text

here, have the opening scene of the aforementioned original-fiction monster-hunter-with-selective-mutism story:

It wasn't reassuring when Jack pulled out his phone to call his psychic, and found that she'd texted him forty minutes ago with a message that read, apropos of nothing, Think twice before accepting this one.

That bad? he sent back.

She must have had her phone in her hand, because not ten seconds later it came back with her reply: Or that good! :) Followed almost immediately with, Call me.

Just tell me whether I should take the job.

There was a longer pause before the phone buzzed again. I'm not a charity, Jack. Call me.

He stared at the screen for a long moment, then gave in and called her number. The phone gave a ring that cut off with a hiccup, then an automated voice cut in with the usual spiel, Completing this call may incur additional charges. If you would like to—

Yes, he would like to continue. Yes, he'll press one.

It resumed ringing, and a few seconds later Fischer picked up.

“Howdy, Jack,” she said—too jauntily, given that she knew he was only calling under duress.

There was a beat, the space in which he should have replied, and the dead air on the phone sounded pointed. He sighed, and took the phone away from his ear so he could put the call on speaker and swipe out a message.

Hi, he texted. A few moments later a chime filtered through the earpiece as her phone received it.

“Oh, so that's how it's going to be?” she asked.

I called. Do I take the job or not?

“And what if I said I won't tell you anything unless you talk to me?”

I'll hang up and flip a coin. I'm not in the mood.

“Alright, alright,” she said, placating, as if he were the one bullying her and not the other way around. “Though flipping a coin might be as good a way as any to make this decision.”

Wow, I sure am glad I decided to pay for your opinion first.

Fischer laughed. “Goddamn, friend, you're in a bitchy mood today, aren't you?”

For good reason, but he wasn't up to explaining the whole saga via text.

I ain't paying three bucks a minute to listen to you laugh at me.

I could call my momma and get that for free.

Tell me something specific or I'm hanging up.

Fischer stopped laughing, mercifully, and cleared her throat. “Regarding your employment in the immediate future: unforeseen complications,” she announced, like she was reading it off a weather forecast. “This job you're thinking of taking on—I can tell you it’s going to get messy, and it's either going to turn out real good, or real, real bad.”

How bad is real bad? he asked.

“That you're not coming back from it.”

Yeah, that was about as bad as they came.

And how good is real good?

“The Magician. Nothing less, nothing in between.”

Creation and inspiration. The manifestation of one's desires. Infinite possibility. Although he had to say, it was slightly worrying that whatever she'd sensed in the currents had led her to do a reading forty minutes before he'd even heard the job offer.

“What's the job?” she asked when he was silent.

He sighed, then laboriously tapped out: Some couple got their kid stolen by the fae. It was their own damn fault, but they want to hire me to get him back. I'd say no, but with Midwinter coming up there's no better time to try.

“You'd say no anyway. Why are you even considering it?”

Yeah, she knew him too well.

Because they're offering me twenty five grand for it.

She hummed thoughtfully “Well. I can tell you that whatever your Magician is, it isn't money.”

So does that mean I get 25k AND all my desires made manifest?

“Could be, assuming you don't die.”

Okay. So how do I not fuck it up?

She hesitated. “I’m sorry, Jack, but I don't think it's up to you. The tipping point—the decision that's going to determine whether you succeed or fail—it's someone else’s choice, not yours.”

Well, christ, wasn't that just what he wanted to hear. Jack scrunched up his face and scrubbed a hand over tired eyes. The call log kicked up another minute.

What would you do? he asked at last.

“Oh, I love it when people ask me for advice they're not going to take. I, personally, wouldn't do it, because I'm risk-averse and would rather run a psychic hotline than get into half the trouble you do. You, on the other hand, are a crazy motherfucker whose idea of a good time is jumping out of perfectly functional airplanes.”

He could correct her, but it wasn't worth it.

Alright, then what would you tell ME to do?

“Go for it. I'm curious to see what your Magician is.”

He snorted. And if I don't roll sevens?

“I'll send your momma flowers.”

Pretty sure she'd rather have gin, he shot back, and then hung up before the call could rack up another three bucks.

#fic snippet

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apexqueenie · 4 years

Note

For One-Punch man : S-Class psychic (with the power of telepathy) male superhero reader x Tatsumaki

Ooooooooh yes, sorry for taking so long! Work and School are REALLY taking a toll on me ugh. Welp, here’s bby Tatsu❤️

Enjoy!

Warnings: Foul language, dead monsters

“Ehhhhhhhhh? Some nobody made it to S-class right off the bat?” Tatsumaki crossed her arms. She hovered over the tech guys in the Hero Association headquarters impatiently and just happened to see a new document come up on screen. The name was cut off at the top of the monitor, but the large S above the nearly perfect score was clearly visible.

The nervous tech man jumped at the S-class heroine’s voice, “uhm, yes ma’am, he was just registered today”

“Tch, first King, then Demon Cyborg, and now this guy? So I guess anyone can just waltz into the S-class instead of earning it like the rest of us? Ugh, weaklings” she scoffed. “Also, I don’t know if any of you morons remember but I came here because you guys said you needed help so get on with it!”

She looked around the room at the various operators all furiously typing away at their keyboards, some taking distressed phone calls from powerless civilians encountering lower level monsters. Sighing, she floated around looking for the staff member that called for her aid. Tch, if there were copies of her around, there won’t be so many monsters wandering the streets. Waiting around here was so goddamn booooooooooooooooring.

“Who called me here anyways?!” She yelled, “It’s taking so long for them to show up that I might as well just go look for the monster myself!” She raised herself far above everyone else, hoping that someone would notice and give her some coordinates. ANY coordinates.

Her hopes were answered when an association worker, Scruff man she calls him, entered the room, laptop in one hand as he adjusted his headset in the other. She growls with impatience and hovers over to him, fixing his headset for him so he could pay attention to her quicker.

“Where’s the monster I need to clean up?” she said, poking the man’s head.

He sighed, still heading over to his desk to set his laptop down. “Actually, we already have a hero there, but we have reports of the commotion attracting a huge energy signature from the-”

“Yeah yeah, give me the location already! I have to do ALL the work here” she interrupts.

He typed at his keyboard seemingly unbothered by the heroine’s rude mannerisms. “City J, watch out along the border in city K though,” he says. He was about to say more, but the green haired woman already vanished. He shook his head, getting back to other important matters at hand. “She’ll be fine” he mutters.

***

City J wasn’t that far by any means, not if you could fly there like the Terrible Tornado. She could hear the screams of frightened people before she even got to the scene...at least...she thought they were screams. Listening closer, Tatsumaki realized they were...cheers?

Oddly enough, she saw people smiling, taking videos and selfies of an abnormally big bear monster that laid sprawled across the floor, a massive dent in its head as well as a destroyed cafe in front of it. The hero of the day stood next to the corpse, smiling at the crowd as they swooned over him. She didn’t recognize him however...was it some lower class trying to get a rank boost? She flew over, hovering above him for intimidation.

He turned to look at her, unfazed by her presence. “Oh, hi partner! You must be the Terrible Tornado! I heard they were sending you as backup-”

“BACKUP?!” she yelled, “I am NOBODY’S BACKUP! If it weren’t for those STUPID HQ workers, I would’ve been here faster and without all this damn mess!” She waved her hand to the remains of the destroyed building to prove her point.

The hero blinked at her and smiled again, “so, this must be the award winning personality that coined your name huh? Well, you’re not the only one with a powerful mind you know. Mine takes over weak ones- anyways, we need to evacuate these people. They came back once the alarm stopped, but HQ warned us that there’s another beast hiding somewhere…” he trailed off, concentrating at the crowd of people that still cheered for him. He was sensing an approaching danger…a BIG danger. Suddenly, he turned to Tatsumaki and called her name, pointing to a cluster of people urgently.

She barely got the message as the ground began to crack underneath them. In between the cracks, she spotted a blue and disfigured monster, its drill like teeth boring its way to the surface until it suddenly froze, its eyes turning milky white. Subconsciously, she had already picked up everything in that area: people, cars, street signs, rubble and all, placing them gently out of harm’s way. Next to her, the unnamed hero holds both his hands out towards the monster, his eyes reflecting the same white as the monster he controlled.

“Tornado!” he yelled with a bit of difficulty. Quickly, she pulls everyone she sees far away from the battle scene, clearing the debri from the streets simultaneously so they can make their escape. The alarm sounds again, warning everyone of a threat level demon terrorizing the city. Tatsumaki rises above the buildings, scanning the area for more threats, but to her surprise, she sees none. Before she could start worrying about the monster at hand, the hero below lets out a triumphant yell at the area being cleared of civilians.

“Hah! This is where the real fun begins!” He says.

Tatsumaki looked down to see the male jump right above the monster before it unfroze and launched itself far above the ground. She moved out of the way to let the blue salamander-like monster pass her, its impossibly long body covering her view of the sun. She stared in awe at the hero riding the nearly 200 foot long beast to the sky. He felt no fear as he dropped with the giant, yelling with glee like a child playing with a new toy. It fell to the ground, crushing uneven buildings with its soft underside, the sudden takeover messing with its head and making it uncoordinated and confused. This gave the hero the perfect opportunity to control it with ease. The Salamander’s eyes turned milky white in its confusion, ceasing his movements and almost robotically repositioning its body. A split second later, it began bashing its head against the ground, quickly losing the strength to stand up as the hero rode on top of it like he was at a rodeo. Tatsumaki could only stare in shock as it took one last hit and stumbled on its side, dying next to the previous monster who met the same fate.

She was speechless. Never had she seen someone use an enemy’s own power against them, not like that. What did he say again..? ‘Well, you’re not the only one with a powerful mind you know. Mine takes over weak ones.’. Huh, so someone on the opposite side of the Esper Spectrum.

The hero turned to smile at her from below and Tatsumaki couldn’t help but turn a bit red from embarrassment. She was the number 2 hero, yet, she barely did anything to aid in stopping the attack. She didn’t know why, but for the first time in a long while, she felt ok with someone else handling the monster. She floated down a good distance to meet him, hoping her green aura would cover up some of the redness.

“Thanks for the help back there, I don’t really like taking over human minds all that much, so it was a big help for you to move them yourself.” he says as he begins to make his way down from the monster’s neck.

Tatsumaki only responded with a ‘hmph’ as she hovered in pace with him. She wasn’t used to being the backup, but what’s done is done. Even if she was impressed, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit salty.

Sounds of sirens, helicopters, and news reporters became audible soon after the hero’s feet touched the ground. Few people came back to the aftermath to take pictures and film the dead beasts.

“Well,” the hero says, fixing his outfit, “looks like people are coming to interview us already. S-classes really are a big deal huh? I don’t think I’m ready to spend the next hour or two being asked boring questions, so I'm gonna dip. I’ll see you around?”

“...Sure.” She says.

“Great!” He smiles, before turning around to head off away from the paparazzi.

Tatsumaki eyes him for a second, trying to figure out again if she recognizes him before the curiosity gets the better of her. “Wait!” She calls out.

He turns around, giving her his full attention.

“What’s your name anyways?” She huffs.

He gives her a playful smirk, “I thought you knew already. I’m your new S-class companion, and I’m comin for Blast’s number 1 spot.” He says, pointing a thumb to himself as he turned back around and continued walking.

“LIKE HELL I’D LET YOU TAKE THAT SPOT” he heard Tatsumaki yell before she let out a frustrated growl and began heading off to her next task.

The hero chuckled to himself. The Terrible Tornado could be cute sometimes if she wasn’t trying to kill you.

***

As Tatsumaki flew off, she couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy. Finally, there was someone who could pull their weight... someone she could share the load with and who wasn’t quite normal like her and Fubuki. It was an odd feeling of..relief? Comfort? She didn’t quite know just yet, so she shook that feeling away. The number two hero doesn’t catch feelings that easily, at least, that’s what she told herself. Aside from her sister, relationships were hard for Tatsumaki...but deep down, she secretly hoped she would work with him again soon.

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#opm x reader #opm imagines #one punch man x reader #tatsumaki #tornado #Tatsumaki x reader #Tatsumaki x male reader #anime x you #anime x reader #one punch man tornado

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genaleah · 3 years

Text

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible.

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that.

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually.

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done.

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess? 🤔 I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc. It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere. Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with.

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite.

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join:

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

#wildcard au #wildcard hcs

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rallamajoop · 4 years

Text

...and the unironic joys of better living through chemistry

How do I love Venom: The Hunger, let me count the ways…

It’s by far the shippiest Venom/Eddie story to come out of the character’s heyday. It’s the only story of the era to treat Venom’s violent wild-animal instincts not as an immutable fact, but as something that can be managed. It pulls off an aesthetic like nothing else that was being done at the time.

And then there’s the way it says, Does the world around you seem sinister and foreboding? Do you lie awake at night contemplating metaphorical oceans of despair? Well shit, son – have you considered you may be suffering from a mundane neurochemical imbalance, and a round of the right meds could clear that right up for you?

It does all this without breaking the atmosphere, without a whiff that our story has been interrupted for a Very Special Message about mental health.

In the near-decade since I was first prescribed anti-depressants, I don’t think I’ve read another story that lands the message “Sometimes, it’s not you, it’s just your brain chemistry,” so well.

Fair warning: if you have not read The Hunger, I am about to spoil every major plot point. If you have, well, maybe I can still give you a new appreciation for a few details you might have missed.

It’s a strange book, whatever else you take from it. It’s almost the only thing either author or artist contributed to the Venom canon, and it’s so different stylistically and tonally from the 90′s Venom norm that it feels like a tale from some noir-elseworlds setting instead of 616 canon. When you take risks that big with a property, you leave yourself precious little landing space between 'unmitigated triumph’ and ‘abject failure’: if this book hadn’t absolutely nailed it, I’d be dismissing it as edgy, OOC dreck. Fortunately, if The Hunger is nothing else, it is a story that $&#@ing commits – to basically everything it does.

Now, I'm not going to tell you Venom: The Hunger is a story about overcoming depression, because I don't know whether author Len Kaminski even thought about it that way while working on it. There's always space for other readings, and this one take is not gospel. That said: holy shit is this thing unsubtle with its metaphors. And with that in mind, let’s start by talking a little about Kaminski’s take on Eddie himself.

As I may have mentioned before, I like to divide 90′s Eddie into two broad personas: the Meathead, and the Hobo.

Kaminski’s Eddie nominally belongs in the angsty, long-haired Hobo incarnation, but that’s a bit of a simplification: this version certainly has plenty of angst and plenty of hair to his name – but nowhere, not even at his lowest ebb, does he doubt that he and his Other are meant for each other, which is usually Hobo!Eddie’s primary existential quandary.

He’s also taken up narrating his own life like a hardboiled PI.

So that’s... novel.

The only other time Eddie’s sounded like this is, er, in that one other Venom one-shot Kaminski penned (Seed of Darkness, a prequel that sadly isn’t in The Hunger’s league), so I think we can safely file it under authorial ticks.

Then again, Hobo!Eddie’s always been one melodramatic SOB, so maybe this is just how he’d sound after learning to channel his angst into his poetry. You can’t argue it fits the aesthetic, anyway.

We’d also be remiss not to mention Ed Halsted’s art, which I can only describe as gothic-meets-noir-meets-H.R.-Giger. Never before or since has the alien symbiote looked this alien: twisted with Xenompoph-like ridges and veins.

But Halsted doesn’t treat Venom to all that extra detail in every panel. Instead, the distortion tends to appear when the symbiote is separated from Eddie or out of control – and I doubt you need me to walk you through the symbolic importance of that creative decision. More importantly, Halsted’s art provides exactly the class of visuals that Kaminski’s story needs.

Did I mention this is a horror story? You might be surprised how few Venom stories really fit that genre, but if all those adjectives about Halsted’s style above didn’t clue you in, this is one of them.

Anyway, with that much context covered, let’s get into the main narrative of this thing.

As our first issue opens, Eddie’s world has become a dark and foreboding place. He’s not sleeping, though he mostly brushes this off. (Fun fact: trouble sleeping is one of those under-appreciated symptoms of depression. Additional fun fact: the first doctor ever to suggest I might be suffering from depression was actually a sleep specialist. You can guess how that appointment was going.)

Just to set our scene, here’s all of page 1.

Eddie’s narration has plenty of (ha) venom for his surroundings, but the visuals are here to back him up: panels from Eddie’s POV are edged in twisted, fleshy borders and drained of colour, the people rendered as creepy, goblin-like creatures. A couple of later scenes go even further to contrast Eddie-vision with what everyone else is seeing:

As depictions of depression go this is a little on the nose, but then, you don’t read a comic about a brain-eating alien parasite looking for subtlety, do you?

Eddie doesn’t see himself as depressed, of course. As far as he’s concerned, he’s seeing the world’s true face: it’s everyone else who’s deluding themselves. He’s still got his symbiote, so he’s happy. He’s yet to hit that all-important breaking point where something he can’t brush off goes irrevocably wrong.

But he’s also starting to experience these weird... cravings.

He just can’t put a name to exactly what he’s craving until a routine bar fight with a couple of thugs takes a turn for the horrific.

(I include this panel partly to point out even in The Hunger, the goriest of all 90′s Venom titles, you’re still not going to see brains getting eaten in any graphic detail. We don’t need to to get the horror of the moment across. The 90′s were a more innocent time.)

Eddie himself is horrified when he comes back to himself and realises what he’s done.

Or rather, what his symbiote’s just made him do.

Kaminski doesn’t keep us in suspense about why, though. Eddie may have just done something horrific, but there’s a reason, and it’s as mundane as a vitamin deficiency. He’s bonded to an alien creature, after all, and his symbiote is craving a nutrient which just happens to be found in human brains. And if Eddie can’t or won’t help it meet that need, it’ll do so alone.

Now, giving us that explanation so quickly is an interesting creative decision: this is a horror story, and horror lives in what we don’t know. Wouldn’t it be all the more horrifying had the symbiote been unable to explain what’s going on, leaving Eddie without the first real clue as to where this monstrous new hunger had come from?

The Hunger doesn’t take that route though, and I love it. Eddie isn’t a monster, this isn’t his fault: he has a fucking condition, and wallowing in his own moral failings is going to get him nowhere. You might as well try to cure scurvy or rickets with positive thinking. Just like depression can make you feel like an utter failure at the most basic parts of being human, and all the affirmations in the world won’t fix it when it’s fundamentally your brain chemistry that’s the problem. Or like addicts aren’t weak-willed for struggling not to relapse, they’re dealing with genuine chemical dependency – or even like how someone who’s trans isn’t at fault for being unable to reconcile themselves to the bodies and the hormones they were born with by pure force of trying. Free will is more than an illusion, but we’re all messy, biological organisms underneath, and your own brain and biochemistry can and will fuck you over in a hundred wildly different ways for as many wildly different reasons and it’s not your fault.

We aren’t monsters. But if we do, sometimes, find ourselves identifying with the monster, there might be a reason for that.

(Ahem)

I’m just saying, that’s fucking powerful, and we need more stories that say it.

Anyway, in case you missed it during that tangent, issue #1 closes with the symbiote having torn Eddie’s heart in two itself free to go hunting brains without him.

I’m trying not to get too sidetracked at this point talking about Kaminski’s take on the symbiote itself. Suffice to say there are broadly two schools of thought on how it ought to function while separated from its host: the traditional ambulatory-slime-puddle version, and the more recently popular alternative where anything-you-can-do-with-a-host-you-can-also-do-without-one. I’m not much of a fan of the latter, personally: if your symbiote doesn’t actually need a host, I feel you’ve sort of missed the point. (The movie takes the route of saying symbiotes can’t even process Earth’s atmosphere without a host, which is a great new idea that appears nowhere in the comics, and I love it. Hosts or GTFO, baby!)

Kaminski has his own take, and I can only wish it had caught on. Without Eddie, the symbiote becomes an ever-shifting insectoid-tentacle-snake-monstrosity, driven by an animalistic hunger. It’s many things, but it’s never humanoid.

If you absolutely must have your symbiote operating minus a host, I feel this is the way to do it: semi-feral, shapeless and completely alien (uncontrollable violence and cravings for brains to be added to taste).

Issue #2 comes to us primarily through the perspective of the mild-mannered Dr. Thaddeus Paine of the Innsmouth Hills Sanitarium (yes, really).

Yeah, he’s not fooling anyone. Meet our official villain! He joins our story after Eddie is picked up by the police and handed off to the nearest available institution, on account of how completely sane and rational he’s been acting.

Naturally, Dr. Paine soon has copious notes on Eddie’s ‘crazy’ story about his psychic link to a brain-eating alien monster. Fortunately for Eddie, Paine also runs some tests and makes an interesting discovery.

Congratulations, Venom: the ‘vitamin’ you were missing officially has a name!

Finding the right meds isn’t always this easy. I got lucky – the first ones my psych put me on worked pretty well – but I have plenty of friends who weren't so lucky. In fact, the treatment for Eddie's problems is so straightforward it arguably has more in common with, say, endocrine disorders like thyroid conditions or Addison’s disease, which differ from clinical depression but present many similar symptoms (but can sadly be just as much of a bitch to get correctly diagnosed – please do read author Maggie Stiefvater’s account of the latter when you get the chance, because forget Venom, that is a horror story).

‘True’ depression remains much less well understood by medicine, either in its causes or how to effectively treat it. But simply having a name for what was wrong with me made so much difference, and that’s an experience I imagine anyone who’s dealt with any long undiagnosed medical condition could relate to. It put my life in context in a way nothing else had in years.

(I can’t speak to the accuracy of the way phenethylamine is portrayed in this comic – a quick google suggests there may be some real debate that phenethylamine deficiencies have been overlooked as a contributor to clinical depression, but having no medical background, that one’s well beyond me. Either way, scientific accuracy really doesn’t matter in this context – it’s how it works in-universe for story purposes that we should pay attention to.)

Since this issue is mostly from Paine’s POV, we don’t get Eddie’s reaction to having a healthy amount of phenethylamine sloshing around in his brain again, just the assurance that treatment appears to be ‘completely successful’.

He’s still a paranoid, hostile bastard though. Meds can turn your life around, but they won’t make you not you.

But even if Eddie’s feeling better, he’s still psychically linked to someone who isn’t. Symbiote-vision still comes through drained of colour and edged in viscera.

That’s the thing about meds: they won’t solve all your problems overnight. If you’ve been depressed for a while, there are good odds you have problems stacking up. But working meds can be a godsend when it comes to getting you into a space where you can deal with your problems again, whether said problems are doing-your-laundry or all the way into not-giving-up-completely-and-just-accepting-you’ll-die-alone-on-the-street.

For Eddie, ‘dealing with his problems’ begins with stealing a keycard and busting out of the asylum.

Of course, that’s the easy part. How do you solve a problem like a feral symbiote? Like any good 90′s comic book protagonist, Eddie tackles it by putting on his big-boy camouflage pants and kitting himself out with weapons and pouches while quoting “If you live something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down.”

We can add this to the list of things I love about this comic. Even if The Hunger is a weirdly-stylistic tract about depression at heart, it’s also still a goddamn 90′s Venom comic, and not ashamed to be.

We’re into issue #3 now, and back to hearing the story from Eddie’s POV.

Eddie is very much aware that his symbiote has murdered innocent people while they’ve been separated. Even if this is the result of extreme circumstances, there’s a good case to be made that the symbiote is too dangerous to be allowed to live. Plenty of heroes would treat it like a rabid dog at this point.

But Eddie isn’t a hero, he’s a mess of a character and an anti-hero at best, so we don’t have to hold him to the same standard. He’s well aware his symbiote may be too far gone to save, that he may have to put it down – but that’s only his backup plan. He wants to help it. He wants it back. He’s down in that sewer with screamers and a flamethrower because he knows all his symbiote’s weaknesses, but he’s also carrying a large jar of black-market synthesised phenethylamine, because if he can just get close enough...

Depression can’t make you a literal monster, but it can make you an asshole. Miserable to be around, lacking even the energy to care who else you’re hurting. The depression doesn’t excuse that, but it makes everything harder, and it’s that much easier to sink back into your spiral when everyone around you has given up. It can make you think everyone around has given up even if that isn’t true.

So to have Eddie here say, in effect, I don’t care how many people you’ve eaten, I know it wasn’t your fault. I still love you. You’re still worth fighting for – god, does that get me right in the id.

There’s still a whole issue left at this point – we’ve still got to deal with our real villain, Dr. Paine, who we’ve just learned is into eating brains himself and torturing his patients recreationally, and who wants to capture the symbiote for his own purposes. There’s the scene where Eddie and his symbiote finally bond again, and Venom beats up all Paine’s goons while singing David Bowie because like I said, this is still a 90′s superhero comic and this is what Venom does.

But for our purposes, I'm going to skip to the penultimate page of the story, because the way it mirrors our opening page is really lovely.

Remember that shot of Eddie dealing with a beggar back at the beginning of the story, thinking about how these people would 'get their despair all over you'? Here he is again, cheerfully forking over the last dollar in his pocket to the next man to ask him for change. For all the gothic atmosphere and gore, it’s moments like this that make The Hunger easily one of the most positive, uplifting Venom stories ever written. Funny, that. (I could probably write a whole other essay on sympathy for the homeless as a recurring motif in Venom stories, but that... well, whole other essay and all that.)

What’s Eddie learned from this experience? Don’t take your symbiote for granted. Is ‘symbiote’ a metaphor for mental health here, is paying attention to its needs an allegory for paying attention to your own? I still don’t know how literally Kaminski meant us to take this, but it’s a lovely note to end on no matter how you parse it.

At the end of the day, The Hunger isn’t flawless. The conflict with Paine ends on a thematic but slightly unsatisfying note. Eddie makes much of his symbiote's loneliness and desire for union, but when the two of them are finally reunited, the only reaction comes from Eddie's side. In fact, the symbiote seems to have no response to being able to return to Eddie at all, and that’s an omission that bugs me.

But Kaminski is more interested than any other writer of the era in the truly alien nature of the symbiote, in its relationship with Eddie from Eddie’s side, and though plenty of others talk about the symbiote's love/hate relationship with Spider-man, no-one else had the guts to portray their relationship this much like a romance.

And Venom: The Hunger is no less interesting in the context of Len Kaminski’s other work. You don't have to look far into his Marvel and DC credits to pick up that the guy has a real thing for monsters. (“All of my favourite characters are outlaws, misfits, anti-heroes,” he says, in one of the very few interviews I could find with him, “I wouldn't know what to do with Superman.”) He's written for vampires, werewolves, victims of mad science, and all of three at once, littering his work with biochemistry-themed technobabble, melodramatic monologues, gratuitous pop-culture references, and protagonists who must learn to embrace their inner demons. So The Hunger represents more than a few of his favourite running themes.

For our context, his more notable other work includes Children of the Beast, in which a werewolf must make peace between his human and animalistic sides, and The Creeper, in which a journalist must make peace with the crazy super-powered alter-ego sharing his body. In fact, The Creeper and The Hunger share so much DNA (including an evil doctor posing as a respected psychiatrist who uses hypnosis on our hero while he's trapped in a mental institution) that it’s quite the achievement that they still feel like such very distinct entities beyond that point.

The human alter-egos of both werewolf and Creeper even use prescription meds while wrestling with their respective dark sides. The difference, in both cases, is that these are stories where meds play their traditional fictional role – and that's a role that could be as easily filled by illegal drugs or alcohol without making any substantive difference. You see, if a protagonist is using them, it's a sign of unwillingness to tackle their 'real' problems. Even among work by the same author in the same genre, The Hunger represents an outlier. And that's just a little disappointing – at least to me.

In real life, of course, prescription meds are no magical cure-all elixir. Depression meds that work for one person may not work for another, or may not keep working in the longer term. Everyone has heard stories about quack doctors who prescribe them to the wrong patients for the wrong reasons, about lives ruined by addictions to prescription painkillers, or the supposedly-damning statistics about how poorly SSRI's perform in rigorous clinical trials. The proper way to treat depression is obviously with lifestyle and therapy. People will still airily dismiss medications that we all know previous generations got along just fine without, or suggest that figures like Van Gogh would never have created great art if they hadn't been mad enough to slice off an ear. I mean, the fact you think you need those bogus mediations is probably the best possible sign of just how broken you are, right? Who do you think you’re kidding?

Our popular fiction loves stories about manly men who bury their trauma under a gruff, anti-social exterior and come back swinging at the world that broke them, bravely refusing even painkillers that might dull their manly reflexes. Other genres make space for broken people confronting their demons in grand moments of catharsis, finally breaking down into tears when someone gets through to make them face their problems. "I could barely make it out of bed in the mornings until I found a doctor who started me on this new prescription" is not only wildly counter to the accepted social narrative, it's a hard thing to know how to dramatise.

Even other Venom comics have been guilty of this.

Believe me, I recognise all of this, and just how much progress we've made in the last few decades. But I haven't the slightest doubt that for so many vulnerable people, the stigma against prescription medications does infinitely more harm than those same meds could ever do. And just having the right to externalise my problems into it's not you, it's your brain chemistry, may have helped me more than the meds themselves.

(And again, no, being prescribed SSRI's didn't fix me overnight, but I honestly don't know if all the talk therapy and tearful conversations with family members in the world could've got me as far as I've come without them.)

I love Venom: The Hunger. It's no-one's idea of high art, but it doesn’t need to be. There is a whole other post’s worth of things I love about it that I’ve already cut out this one as pointless tangents, and that may actually be it’s biggest drawback as a go-to example: I fully recognise that I would not be making this post if The Hunger hadn't also also grabbed me as a great bit of Venom canon, being the massive fan and shipper that I am. Other people who are just as desperate as me for more stories with the same core theme, but not into weird 90's comics about needy goo aliens, probably won't get nearly as much out of it as I have.

But if it sounds anything like your jam, maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

If nothing else, it proves that you can make a viscerally satisfying story out of a message that shockingly unconventional. And you may even have people still discovering it and falling in love with it 25 years after the fact.

#Venom: The Hunger #Venom #depression #SSRIs #Symbrock #Venom meta #meta #Venom comics #Len Kaminski

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yuusa · 4 years

Text

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝟏𝟑

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟔𝟐𝟒𝟒

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝟏𝟑:

You pressed your lips together, staring at the board with a look of boredom and displeasure. There was an itchy feeling in your chest, it made you feel deeply uncomfortable. It’s almost as if today was going to be one of misery, you couldn’t tell if it’s just some sort of psychic reading or it’s because you have a test soon, it may even be both. You sighed and resisted the urge to lean your chair back to stretch, but the teacher was going over something important about the test.

You turned to the side, seeing Tohru fidget with one of her pencils to calm herself about the upcoming tests. She was wearing a new ribbon today. It was a soft shade of blue that had bits of lace on its edges, did she recently buy that? You wondered if she would get tutored by Yuki like he said they do, the upcoming test would be for math. It must be nice to have someone constantly tutor you and helping, but you quickly tried to dismiss this idea as a selfish need. Yuki was kind enough to help you with math the other day and you didn’t want to take advantage of his skills or generosity.

You didn’t need anyone or anything in this life if it meant making others happy.

You were better off alone and that is the truth, you thought. If you were God’s Messenger, perhaps your first message should be to announce the disbandment of the Zodiacs, maybe that would give equal freedom to everyone but yourself. You didn’t know exactly what the Zodiacs were going to do when they were free, but they could live their lives as regular animals with a stronger sense of friendship. You really didn’t know exactly what would happen, but it was simply a thought.

You yawned into your hand, feeling small droplets of tears forming at the corner of your eyes. You eyed Yuki silently, noticing the way he continued to tap the tip of his pencil against his paper as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. He was extremely hardworking despite not wanting to clean his room. He is really cool, you thought. He smiles so often to the other girls in the class and can interact with them at a certain distance, whenever he was in a good mood he would shine even brighter than he already is, it was almost blinding, to say the least.

His eyes were a nice shade of grayish blue as well. They rarely ever looked strange underneath the light and they expressed so much of himself that you felt a bit envious. You nibbled on the bottom of your lip, you were starting to feel bad about yourself in class just because your eyes weren’t as good or pretty like Yuki’s.

You sighed and tried to write in your journal to keep your mind away from it. You noticed the small crease in one of the older pages, knowing that you rarely ever fold the paper or damage it, it was slightly suspicious. It seemed to be on the page when you came over to the Sohma household, did someone go through your journal? If so, when did this happen? Before you could explore this thought the sound of the bell rang echoed in the room, dismissing all of the students at once.

You almost forgot that you had to do your rounds today around the school for the committee, luckily you went through your previous pages to see that you had written yourself a reminder. As you were packing up your belongings, Yuki came to your side, already finished with his own things. You suppose that he wanted to do the rounds around the school with you this time instead of usually splitting up.

“You look better today, (L/n)-san, just a bit tired though.” He commented, your face turning away from him as you quickly packed your things into your bag.

“I suppose so. Where would you like to go first?” You asked, already knowing that the two of you needed to make your rounds at school.

“We could try the first couple of floors together and make our way up.” He responded, giving you a smile with his familiar grey eyes shining underneath the classroom lights.

You pressed your lips together in slight jealousy but nodded, “sure. We can go now.”

Yuki noticed the small pout on your lips during class but decided not to comment on it, finding the situation strange to explain if he were to talk about it. You were looking much calmer on the outside today, but he thought that you might have a whirlwind of thoughts by the way you continuously wrote in your journal. He wondered if what he said yesterday was affecting your mood.

“(L/n)-san, something is still bothering you despite our conversation yesterday.” He commented, “do you. . . Feel like I’m not really your friend?”

You halted your steps, the two of you standing in the hallway only a few steps away from the classroom you exited. You didn’t know exactly how to respond to his comment, there was not much to say and you didn’t want to bother him with something dull like your problems.

“It’s not that. . . I don’t want to raise concerns, I’m fine.” Before you could continue walking he tugged on your wrist, keeping you there.

Before he could say another word, you silently ‘booped’ his nose with your index finger. His cheeks turned a bright shade of red as you turned away from him.

“Relax Sohma-san. I’m fine.” You gave him a teasing smile before continuing to walk down the hallway.

Yuki sighed in response as he held his hand up towards his face, the unexpected gesture from you being unfamiliar as his cheeks slowly calmed down. He quickly walked to catch up to you, choosing to trust in your word that everything was alright.

While you still felt the ominous telling of the future, you thought to be on edge. You hoped that Yuki hadn’t noticed it but it seems as if he really wanted to be your actual friend. You tightened your grip around your journal as you both walked around the school in relative silence.

You didn’t know exactly why being real friends mattered to him, he could easily make other friends that were much better than you, much easier to manage and easier to talk to. You dolefully stared at each of the classrooms and halls, doing your duty while minding your own thoughts.

You were so gloomy.

You frowned in response to your own comments before turning to look at Yuki. His beautiful eyes and soft hair, those fluttering long eyelashes, it was hard to deny that you were envious to the bone. You constantly compared yourself to him, the thought making you feel worse by the second. You grit your teeth, the action going unnoticed by Yuki as you both walked up the flight of stairs.

Was it truly worth worrying about something you couldn’t change?

You spent so much time worrying about yourself instead of actually wanting to protect others. . . You were. . . Too selfish. No matter how beautiful the outside of Yuki’s eyes were, there was always this hint of sorrow hidden beneath the color. You connected with him in a way, a subtle feeling but it still existed like a small string looped around your fingers.

Perhaps he could be the Rat to the Eagle’s destiny.

Maybe he already is.

You should try to open up to him, you thought. Instead of constantly worrying and thinking about the problems you may never fix or find resolve in, you could help someone else and see them smile as brightly as you wanted to shine. To erase the sadness that burdens the rat. . . That’s the job of God’s Messenger.

There was this feeling of hope blooming within your chest.

You are the Eagle in the story.

The two of you finally approached the other floor, noticing Tohru being surrounded by a familiar group of boys from the Sohma family. While Kyo stood by her side while scolding at Momiji for his poor taste in clothing, Haru was standing there casually, his choice of wardrobe being nearly as bad as Momiji’s. You wondered if it was an inherited trait in the Sohma family to have poor taste in clothing or they were rebellious children who wanted to wear their own clothing. Everyone other than Yuki had a strange sense of fashion, but it wasn’t far fetched to say his choices are not weird as well.

Haru quickly notices Yuki coming up the steps, ignoring your presence as he went up to grip at Yuki’s sides. You wondered why he and the rest of the family constantly ignore you but you chose to believe that it was because you were an outsider.

“Sheesh, I can’t believe you’re wearing that Momiji. Haru, you too.” Yuki said, the white-haired male staring at him, clearly tuning him out for a moment.

“Yuki-kun, (Y/n)-kun, are you both done with committee work?” You raised your eyebrow, noticing the sudden change in the way Tohru addressed Yuki. She was actually calling him bt his given name for once. Perhaps they really did get much closer in the past couple of days.

The tinge of sadness poked at your heart, but you couldn’t understand why.

“No, not yet. We were doing our rounds at school and just happened to come across the two of you.” He responded, referring to the two rule-breaking students that couldn’t follow the dress code properly.

“Hey, Tohru! Guess what? I got told not to run around or horseplay at school because I might crash into a girl! So while I’m at school, I’m gonna play it cool!" Momiji added, gathering the rest of the groups' attention onto you, the outsider who heard this suspicious line.

“Cool?! Is that outfit cool?!” Kyo shouted back.

You stood there blank, not really knowing what to say. It seems as if they weren’t allowed to physically hug any girls at school, which does correlate to Yuki’s strange habit of pushing other girls away.

Are the Sohma family. . . Allergic to girls?

You deadpanned.

“Your dubiousness is justified, Sohma Kyo of Class 2-D! Your orange hair bothers me, but a boy wearing a girl’s uniform is unprecedented! Brazen! Shameless!” The brown-haired upperclassman with his other council members stood beside him, all three of them wore classes, which you thought was an interesting thing to point out. “The teachers may allow it, but I will not! For I am student council president Takei Makoto!“

Crap. . . You thought, it’s Takei Makoto.

You and Yuki facepalmed, trying not to get involved in this strange situation you were both tangled up in. More specifically, Yuki, as this was his entire family being criticized underneath the student council president.

“Another idiot appears,” Haru comments.

Takei raised his voice, stepping just a few feet away from Haru’s face, “just what do you think you’re doing, Sohma Hatsuharu? Your hair is white! And you’re practically jangling with jewelry. The audacity!”

“President Takei, that’s his natural hair.” Yuki clarified, holding up his hand to create distance between him and his cousin.

“Oh, Yuki-kun! (L/n)-san! How nice to see you both! But more important, natural?! Part of it is black!” Takei’s eyes seemed to have grown into hearts as he looked at both of you, finally acknowledging your presence.

“Even so. . .” Yuki continued.

You almost forgot that this student council was also highly infatuated with Yuki, similar to the way everyone else is also into him. You wanted to massage your head as you felt a migraine growing at the sound of his loud voice.

“I don’t believe it! It goes against common sense!” He retorted, getting even closer to Haru’s face to examine his features. “Now what’s the meaning of your appearance? Is that your natural self, eh, Sohma Momiji?! Have you no male pride? If you’re like this at your age, your life is on the fast track to failure!”

“But. . . But this uniform looks better on me!” Momiji’s eyes began to tear up as you pressed your lips together into a frown.

You quickly stepped between both of them, stopping Tohru in her path and pushing Takei back a few centimeters from Momiji.

“That should be enough from you, President Takei.”

Momiji’s eyes widened, seeing your intimidating presence being officially recognized to the entire group, your cold, harsh glare staring straight into Takei’s lens covered eyes. Takei seemed flustered at the sudden intrusion but he quickly adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Your eyes sharpened slightly as you focused your attention on the upperclassman in front of you, you certainly didn’t want to hear him degrade another student’s future.

He began to grit his teeth as he adjusted his glasses frames once more, trying too hard to look cool, “with all respect (L/n)-san, how could you stand by this rule-breaker?! Don’t you think he has no sense of pride?!”

“I don’t think it’s much of an issue. If he feels the most comfortable, then that is what matters,” You addressed, crossing your arms across your chest, “our job here at school is to make the students feel safe and welcome, I doubt giving them an earful would help them.”

“That is true! But we have specific rules that we all need to follow! I respect your opinion here (L/n)-san, but-”

“Shut up. Quit playing king of the hill, you human trash.” Haru interrupted.

“Wh-wh-wh-what” Takei stuttered as Haru grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Oi, Haru!” Kyo shouted, trying to pull him away from Takei.

“Fine, let me ask you: are guys wearing neckties never muggers? Are guys without piercings never bullies? Do guys with black hair never murder people?!” Haru violently shook the poor man around, his brain easily turning to mush as if it was being stirred around like a smoothie, “who do you think you are, eh? God? Well, ain’t that something! Give us a few words! God! Go on!”

You could see Takei’s soul slipping away from his body as Haru continued to shake him.

Kyo gripped onto Haru’s shoulder, stopping him from turning Takei into some sort of drink by the excessive amount of shaking, “oi, cut it out! He’s got no training!”

“Butt out you stupid cat!”

“Don’t call me stupid you damn brat!”

“Oh? Don’t act like you’re so great! You ran from our last fight with your tail between your legs!” The two of them crashed against each other, their forehead grinding against one another as they stared at each other with a heated gaze.

“You’re the one who called that fight off!”

“What are you on his side?! You think he’s right!?”

You clicked your tongue before shoving the two of them apart, “what are you two? Children? Knock it off.” You glared at them, causing both of them to cower down and turn their heads away from you, the argument settling down as quickly as it started.

It was odd to see Haru not comment against you, but it seemed like even your gaze affected him. He quickly made his way to the other council members who were trying to bring Takei back to life, his body dangling lifelessly in their arms.

“Hey, ladies,” Haru greeted.

“Don’t drag them into it. . .” Kyo said, his hand on his forehead as his brain started to ache at Haru’s nonsense.

“What do you think? Take Momiji there—don’t you think he’s fine in that uniform? He’ll grow eventually. What’s the harm in waiting to dress like a man until then? He’ll be a real looker, trust me.” The other girls turned their heads to see Momiji happily enjoying the candy lollipop he had in his hands.

They quickly imagined a much older boy, his curly blond hair, and eyes becoming more mature as he gave the girls an imaginary wink. “He’s fine.” The girls responded, holding out their hands to worship the shorter boy.

“Don’t let him brainwash you!” Takei quickly stood up, still trying to defend his own point of view against someone as stubborn as Haru. “Wh-Wh-What’s the matter with you?! This is unheard of!”

“It’s always best to wear what looks good on you, huh? It’s like (L/n)-san said, whatever makes you comfortable!” Haru patted the top of Momiji’s head, the smaller boy feeling content as he continued to suck on the lollipop that he pulled out from his pocket.

You raised your eyebrows once again, you didn’t quite understand Haru’s behavior. There were moments where he would become calmer and then go back to being heated the next second. You were more surprised to hear that he actually addressed you by name this time.

“Unacceptable! That’s pure selfishness, and unfair to the other students—“

“You just won’t quit. Okay, then, what if Yuki wore a girl’s uniform?” Haru suggested.

Takei went through a moment of shocking realization, his mind immediately picturing Yuki in the girl’s uniform, calling out his name in his girlish voice.

“It’s fine.” He responded, tears streaming down his eyes as he pictured such a glorious image.

You visibly cringed, “what? That’s disgusting.”

The rest of the group stared at you in shock, not knowing that you felt such strong revulsion against the idea of Yuki wearing feminine clothing. Yuki felt the most surprised, hearing you voice your own objection regarding his outer appearance.

Could you really blame yourself for disliking the idea of forcing Yuki into girly clothing? It looked greatly uncomfortable and it made you sick seeing him constantly put up with the school for his image.

“Wh-Wh-What?! (L/n)-san, are you saying that Yuki-kun would look disgusting?!” Takei shouted, holding up his hand in a tightened fist, trying to preserve the image of Yuki in a girls' uniform in his head.

“It’s gross. Could you stop making him uncomfortable by putting him in girl’s clothing?” You stared at him, disinterested in hearing the rest of his opinions, “don’t you ever think about what he has to say? Sorry President Takei, but it’s disgusting to even see.”

Yuki clutched onto the sleeve of his uniform, feeling a sense of warmth eluding in his body as he heard you continue to bicker with Takei about him in a girls' uniform. At first, he thought you had called him disgusting but it seems much clearer that you acknowledge Yuki’s discomfort in being misgendered. Despite your harsh tone, it sounds as if you genuinely cared about his wellbeing more than he actually knew. His cheeks felt slightly hot as he watched you continue to tell Takei to quit harassing the students.

He had his doubts earlier when the two of you were walking together around the school. He often wondered if he was the one being the horrible friend by constantly putting you off, or even hiding things that put pressure on your relationship.

You tilted your head over your shoulder, giving Yuki a look of understanding and a small, subtle smile. You watched as his cheeks heated up before you turned away.

You made him felt as if there was someone who understood him.

Your cheeks felt hot to the touch. You didn’t know the exact reason why you blurted out such things, but it felt. . . Relieving? It felt nice being able to express your true thoughts and finally relieving Yuki of his image of “princess”. While Takei and Haru argued about the decision of clothes, it made you wonder about the way Yuki felt being forced into girlish clothing. You had already known from the start, based on the doleful look in his eyes that he never enjoyed any part of the school festival when dressed as a girl.

You could understand that feeling. You didn’t like the idea of being forced into clothing that didn’t represent who you were. You felt much better voicing your objections. It’s a nice feeling, it was as if heavyweights were lifted off of you when you were finally able to say something for the sake of someone else.

Perhaps there is more to this than you realized.

“O-Oh, dear. I seem to have gotten carried away!” Takei turned around and adjusted his glasses with his finger.

“You’re a formidable opponent, Sohma Hatsuharu and (L/n) (Y/n),” You restrained a yawn as Takei spun around and pointed towards Haru, “can you prove that’s your natural color, then?!”

Haru held up his arms as he relaxed his head against them, his laid-back personality starting to frustrate Takei, “sure can.”

“Oho, you have proof? Hard evidence that—“ Before he could even continue his sentence, Takei was forcefully dragged into the nearest boy’s restroom, “um. . . excuse me. . .?” He stumbled on his feet, his sense of balance warped as Haru tugged on his clothing.

The two of them disappeared into the bathroom. There was a short period of silence before the echoed screams of Takei bounced off of the walls and into your ears. Tohru squeaked in surprise while everyone seemed unaffected by the turn of events. In a few minutes, Takei stepped out, taking off his glasses as his face was pale with shock.

“Incontrovertible proof. I see I still have much to learn about the world,” He commented.

Haru shortly followed after, his face showing a smug and cocky smile.

Did he show him? Kyo thought.

He showed him, Yuki responded, almost as if they both had telepathic minds to read each other’s thoughts.

Pervert. You stared at the two of them with a confused look.

“You win this time! But I’ll get you all next time!” The student council members quickly fled from the scene while Haru stayed smirking, the feeling of pride and victory flowing through his veins.

“Did you actually show yo—“ Kyo wrapped his hand around your mouth, quickly silencing you. Your voice became muffled underneath his hand.

“D-Don’t say it! Moron!” You resisted the urge to punch him but he removed his hand before you could even raise yours.

“Um. . . How did you prove that was your natural hair color?” Tohru asked, staring at Haru with a puzzled look in her eyes.

Yuki and Kyo went pale as Tohru asked such a strange question in her aloof personality. You wondered how dense Tohru was to not know how to prove one’s natural hair color, it was already suspicious enough considering that Haru dragged Takei into the bathroom.

“Wanna do it and find out? I’m in if you are.” Haru pulled Tohru close to him, his hand gently caressing her cheek, “it’s fine, we don’t have to be hugging each other to—“

Before he could even get another word into the explanation, Yuki and Kyo punched him to the ground, the two of them huffing either in anger or tiredness.

“Dark is the one guy I can’t handle. . .” Kyo scoffed.

“Never mind. Don’t worry about it, Honda-san.” Yuki responded.

You wondered why they referred to Haru as “dark”, maybe it was simply because of how easily his personality changed to someone casual to serious. He was quite odd, to say the least.

“I’m kinda tired now,” Haru responded, his hand gripping onto the sore spot of his head. He seemed to have calmed down and his voice sounded emotionless.

“Oh, yeah? You’re tired, huh?” Kyo groaned.

The sound of the school bell ringing caught all of your attention, you now realized that you and Yuki actually didn’t finish your rounds around the school as you spent most of your time here.

“Ah! That's the bell!” Momiji called out.

“Would you be willing to meet my friends before you go home today?” Tohru asked, wanting to invite Momiji and Haru into a game of badminton after school with Uotani and Hanajima.

“Your friends? Sure, of course!” He responded happily, lifting his arms as he expressed his joy in full. “That reminds me—Hey, Yuki, and Kyo!”

“Could you stay behind? I need to tell you something.” He added. The two boys turned their attention towards Momiji.

“Then, (Y/n)-kun and I will go on ahead then,” Tohru responded.

“Sorry, Tohru.” Momiji apologized, only to be met with her shaking her head as she told him that it would be fine.

You nodded before leaving with Tohru, the two of you silently walking down the stairs, leaving the Sohma family to deal with whatever conflict that may have arisen.

“Ah, sorry for disturbing your duties (Y/n)-kun!” Tohru apologized, bringing her hands to her chest as she clasped them.

You shook your head, “it’s okay. I could always do them later today.”

You both finally approached the bottom floor as you continued walking down the path to your classroom. You noticed that the cherry blossom trees were in full bloom today, you silently admired them while Tohru continued to think about the Sohma family.

“You both look like you’re having fun.” A familiar voice called out, you and Tohru slowly turned to face the unknown person.

His dark hair flowed with the wind, the cherry blossom tree’s petals falling from the sky like snow.

“A. . . Akito-san. . .?” You muttered, your eyes widening at the sight of him at the school, his wardrobe still as plain as you last saw him on Valentine's Day.

Tohru flinched at your reaction, unsure about what to say or feel.

“It’s nice to see you again, (L/n)-san. . .” Akito said, slowly approaching you and Tohru. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

You’ve only seen him last time on Valentine's Day, which wasn’t even that long ago. Despite the dullness and emotionless look in his eyes, he stared down at Tohru with a focused gaze. The shorter girl panicked on the inside but tried to remain calm.

“Are you. . . Akito-san?” Tohru asked.

“That’s right. . . Honda Tohru.” He responded, his voice much dryer compared to when he was talking to you.

Tohru felt a jolt in her body as she quickly bowed down in front of him, “I’m very pleased to meet you!”

Tohru looked intimidated by him. Your eyes turned towards Akito who was still looming above her figure, watching and studying each of the muscles that she moved. You didn’t understand whether or not Tohru had connections with Akito, her reaction to him seems as if she knows something.

“Well, you strike me as feminine and gentle.” Akito commented, referring to Tohru, “thank goodness you seem to be a good person. And most importantly, you’re quite cute.” He smiled.

Tohru straightened her back, flailing her arms around in embarrassment, “what? Oh, no, you flatter—“

Akito laughed, the familiar tune of his voice giving you slight shivers down your spine, there was something unsettling about his tone towards Tohru, “don’t get flustered. You really are cute. Sorry, it took me so long to introduce myself. I’m just rather shy of strangers.”

Thats odd. . . He was the one to talk to you first, even though you were a complete stranger to him. You pressed your lips into a thin line, was he lying?

“Akito-san. . . What are you doing here?” You asked, trying to piece together the situation in front of you. Akito looked back at you and smiled, reaching out to your cheek to stroke it slowly.

“I only wanted to see the two of you of course. I heard many great things about Honda-san.” Something about his tone didn’t seem right to you. It made you feel a bit strange on the inside. “I know I haven’t kept in touch with you in a while. . . I’ve been quite busy.”

Your eyes trembled underneath his gaze, the touch of his cold hand contrasting the warmth of your skin as you both stared at each other. You still didn’t understand why Akito would be here, none of what he is saying made any sense to you whatsoever.

Unbeknownst to the three of you, Yuki’s eyes widened at the sight of Akito holding onto you, his hand pressed against the window before he sprinted down the stairs.

“How are you doing (L/n)-san? We should communicate more often you know.” Akito asked.

“I’m. . . I’m doing fine.” You responded, pulling away from his grasps, “there isn’t much going on.”

Akito hummed in response, feeling unsatisfied by your words. He quickly stepped back a few feet, “well, let me formally introduce myself to both of you.”

“I’m Akito, the current Sohma family head. Pleased to meet you.” He introduced himself with a small bow.

Your heart dropped as you felt yourself almost losing your grip on your journal.

He‘s. . . Part of the Sohma family? Your blood felt as if it had been frozen over, the shock coursing through your veins as you looked at him in disbelief. He was related to Yuki all this time? When you first saw his appearance, it wasn’t just a coincidence then. . .

“I’d like for us to get along well. . . And please take care of Yuki and the others.” From the corner of Akito’s eyes, he could see the way you looked back at him in confusion, your brain trying to rack up any sort of information between your encounter to find a reasonable explanation for everything.

Such beautiful eyes. . . He thought, feeling the sense of joy and pleasure as he ravished the look in your eyes. There was something so satisfying seeing you make a similar face to Yuki, it might even be a better reaction than him.

“Akito!” The sound of Yuki’s voice interrupted the tense atmosphere.

“Ah, Yuki!” Akito called out, you spun around to see Yuki’s distraught expression, his eyes beginning to tremble at the sight of him. Akito opened his arms out, “I’ve missed you, Yuki! You know, it feels like it’s been forever since I last saw you. You’re looking grown-up and taller—“

“What did you do?” Yuki cut him off, “what did you say to them?!

“Nothing. I was just saying hello to an old friend and Tohru-san.” Akito turned around to face Tohru, “right, Tohru-san? Wasn’t I just saying hello?”

The tension in the air continued to grow as your nails dug into the material of the journal cover.

An old friend? Yuki thought, turning his attention onto your figure that Akito was associated with. When did the two of you meet. . . ?

“Um, yes!” Tohru responded, feeling unsure about what to say in the situation. She could feel the tension in the air, as Akito confronted Yuki while in your presence.

“More importantly, Yuki. . .” Akito went back to Yuki, stepping in front of him as Yuki tightened his fist, “. . . there’s something I really want to ask you.”

Akito reached out to caress his cheek, similar to the way he treated you as Yuki’s hair strands flowed over his knuckles like a stream of water. The look of fear and terror reflected in Yuki’s grayish orbs, the irises trembling as much as his body was.

“Why did you skip New Year’s? Why would you do that? And when I’ve become so generous lately, too. When you do things like that, it seriously hurts my feelings.” Akito stared at Yuki with a menacing glare.

New Year’s. . .? The time of the Zodiac banquet. . .? You didn’t understand why your brain made that connection, but there was something so frightening seeing Yuki stand there petrified.

You didn’t understand.

You clenched the area around your heart, the feeling becoming painful like thousands of spikes piercing through your organ.

“Do I have to reeducate you, I wonder?” The shine in Yuki’s eyes completely disappeared, leaving only a dark and dull look in them, “in your special room? Will I be forced to spend long days teaching you proper disposition again?”

Akito traced his finger against Yuki’s lips as Yuki tilted his eyes away from him, trying to avoid his deathly gaze. His body was violently trembling as Akito continued to press him further.

Special. . . Room?

“I hate you. . . I hate you!” She smacked you across the face before throwing the porcelain bowl against the floor, the material shattering in front of the altar of God. The bowl nearly missed your eyes, causing your mother to violently scream and tug at your hair.

“This is all your fault! I hope you rot in hell! Here, in this very room!” She pulled on your (h/c) strands with enough force to pull out the longer, looser strands. “You’ll disappear in this room! Just like God said you would!”

You tightened your fist and your body reacted unconsciously, ripping Akito’s hand away from Yuki as you stepped in between them. Your body snapped in reaction to the two words Akito mentioned. His eyes widened at your sudden objection, feeling betrayal and annoyance running through his body.

“That’s enough, Akito-san,” You grit your teeth, “stop it already.”

“Is something wrong (L/n)-san? I am merely talking to Yuki.” He asked, his smile still plastered on his face.

“He doesn’t want to talk right now, so. . . Drop it already.” Akito narrowed his eyes at you, this was not going as he expected, however, he was thoroughly enjoying the look in your eyes at this moment. The look of despair in your eyes giving him the same feeling of euphoria.

“Sorry, I’m going to take Sohma-san to the nurse. He said he was feeling sick earlier,” you lied before looking at Tohru, “go back to the classroom Tohru-kun.”

Your eyes were no longer the shade of (e/c) Tohru recognized. It was much colder, emotionless, and filled to the brim with hidden pain. They no longer held any semblance of humanity left in them, it was almost as dull as Yuki’s. She wondered how much suffering you endured to match the same intensity as Yuki.

You gave Akito one last glance before grabbing onto Yuki’s wrist and pulling him away from the scene.

“Yuki, I hope you have a fun school life here.” Akito called out, “it’d make me happy if you came to visit sometime soon.”

You only ignored his words and forcefully pull Yuki away. He let you freely drag his body towards the nearby secluded cherry blossom tree, his mind still not being able to rid itself of the painful memories that resurfaced as he remained unfocused of his surroundings. His eyes began to water as he tried to blink them away, trying desperately not to cry out in public. You gently pushed his body to lean against the tree, your form kneeling beside him as you slowly brushed back the strands of hair blocking his face.

You wondered what brought this feeling in your heart. There was something about the look in his eyes, your mind and heart screaming to reach out to him. They were pounding desperately against your door to rescue him from something you both wanted escape from. They wanted something you were destined to do.

Your hands were warm, Yuki thought. This was the first time you’ve shown an intimate gesture in front of him. Your body felt nicer against his skin than it was with Akito’s cold fingers, it was bringing him slowly back into reality as his eyes continued to fight against the growing tears. You were truly a warm person inside.

It was showing at this very moment almost as if the key had unlocked your doors.

You noticed the small droplets of tears on the corner of his eyes, his fists still tightly clenched together. He looked like a fragile animal, one which tugged at your own emotional strings. You reached out to wipe at them before standing up and pulling your sweater off of your body.

You placed the top of your sweater on his head, shielding him away from the rest of the world from his pitiful crying. You gripped the edge of your skirt, the fabric wrinkling underneath your fingers.

“I don’t know what your relationship is with them. . . I’m not the best at comforting other people either. . . But it’s okay,” You didn’t know if these were the right words to say, but you watched as he tightened his hold on your sweater, “It’ll be okay in the end.”

You gently patted the top of his head, the fabric of your sweater creating a barrier between your skin and the softness of his hair. He stayed silent, unresponsive to your words. Your heart yearned for freedom in the eyes of others.

“That room. . . You won’t go back there anymore.” You spoke gently, almost like a whisper, his body beginning to release the pent up tears that flowed down his cheek but were masked by your clothing. “I promise you that. . .”

“I won’t let you go back there anymore.”

Those were simple words that expressed the feeling in your heart.

You figured out what you wanted and needed to do in your life. It was to play the role of the Eagle you desperately wanted to be, one to fulfill and shoulder the burden of those you swore to protect, even if it meant promising your loyalty to God.

There was no more fretting about what you needed.

#fruits basket #fruits basket x reader #x reader #yuki sohma #yuki sohma x reader #yuki soma #yuki soma x reader

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sassyduckqueen · 3 years

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Miraculous: Rise of Anatis 61

So this is officially the first chapter of my season 4. There will be a number of made up akumas in this season including some of the designs I've already released and there will also be the rest of the season 3 akumas I haven't used. I also hope you guys are ready for some lore because I will be diving more into that side of the story throughout this season. I'm very excited for what I have planned for this "season". Anyway, here's Neon Queen who is based on one of my real life friends :D The next chapter will be Kwami Buster! So yay for Mouse!Luka XD Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :D

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Chapter Sixty-One: Neon Queen

~Roth Studios~

"Like why do I have to do a competition again?" XY asked as he sat looking at his agent with a blank expression before he picked up his soda and drank some. He put it back down and yanked his hand from the nail technician who was working on them. He frowned as he glanced at them. His agent sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"It's for good publicity," He explained as XY berated the nail technician. "Record sales has gone down since your father's arrest,"

"And that's my problem how?"

"We need the world to see you as a good person, far from your father's actions," He stated, making XY give him a look. "Doing a contest for someone to win a VIP experience and a chance to meet you will help with that,"

"Fine," He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Just make sure whoever wins it isn't boring,"

"Well, the winner will be random," His agent stated, making him roll his eyes.

"Whatever," He stated, waving his free hand in a dismissive manner. His agent shook his head before walking out of the room. He took out his mobile and dialled a number.

"Alec, it's Steve," He stated when the other person answered it. "I need your help in creating a contest to win a VIP experience with XY,"

~A few days later at the Arc De Triomphe~

Anatis sighed as he flicked through his notes about Miracle Queen and the events of the New York attack. It had been about three weeks since Miracle Queen had stuck and going to New York had been a welcome distraction. However, Hawkmoth tried to start WW3 and had overtaken the heroes again. He had managed to keep his cool throughout the whole thing since he had managed to get away before he could be affected but he needed to come up with back up plans in case he ever got compromised again or if any other hero did. Since Miracle Queen, he had started to look into ways to protect himself and Lady Noir from mind controlled again but the events of New York had driven him farther. Prevention was the best way to help the world but he would have to have a back up plan in case he wasn't able to do that, which is why he had added a new code to their original one. Code Red. It was a code he never wanted to add but since he had been mind controlled happened more then once, he had to take precautions for the future. Unlike the other codes that simply told them the situation, Code Red also came with something else. A password to a file on Master Fu's computer. Since heroes day, he had been making videos on how to take down himself and his team should they ever be compromised or turn rogue. He didn't think he would need them but since miracle queen and the new york incident, he had changed his mind. He still hope no one would need to use them but just in case, he or his team got compromised, someone would need access to them. The most obvious person would be Master Fu or Lady Noir but should they be compromised too, someone else would have to take over which is why he intended to have the message sent to Koro. While he didn't trust her, she was the obvious choice if everyone was compromised. Especially since she might be able to break them out of been mind controlled again. Well... Bunnyx might be a good person to send this too as well. If he can work out how to send her messages. He sighed to himself before taking out his yoyo and set it up to film himself, pressing record before he looked into the camera.

"I'm not sure how to start this video so I'll just get into it," He stated, running his fingers through his hair before he glanced at the video. "If you are watching then a Code Red has occurred and I have been compromise by an akuma.... well, then I need you to fight in my place instead. If you happen to hold a miraculous that can break mind control on a person then I urge you to use that first as what I will say in this video is intended as a last resort... if you can break me out of control then click on the second attachment of this message and put in the passcode Anatis must fall. Capital A, no spaces. This will allow you access to a video I made after heroes day. It details how to neutralize me but even though I came up with it, I can't promise it will work. Your best chance is to break the akuma's control on me, steal my charm when I summon it or even use a recording of my voice to activate it. Once that happens, you can use it to defeat the akuma and cause the cure. The cure can be activated by anyone as long as the words Miraculous Ladybugs is called out. I hope it never comes to anyone seeing this message but I guess it's best to be prepared..."

He sighed before leaning over to switch off the video.

"Bug out for now..." He stated, switching it off before grabbing his yoyo and saving it. He typed away on it, using a command to send it to Lady Noir, Master Fu's computer or Koro if he was compromised but hopefully it would never come to that. With that done, he closed his yoyo and stood up before diving off the building and swinging into the city. A few people cheered as he swung by, making him feel better but he still had a lot of things on his mind. Master Fu hadn't told him anything else about the history of the guardians and since Koro turned up, he seemed more closed off then normal. He had asked him about it but he would just shut him down as if it didn't matter. He still had no idea who Su Han was or why Koro left the guardians. Master Fu didn't have the answers but it's not like he could ask Koro. For one, he didn't know her civilian identity, two he hadn't actually seen her since Miracle Queen and finally, he didn't trust her. Part of him felt like he could but he questioned it as she had been in Paris since Hawkmoth had turned up and had done nothing to stop him or to try and help him. There was the whole thing with her and Toutai. He still didn't have answers on that yet either. He hadn't sensed or met with Toutai since that time and Feng wasn't telling him much about it either. Just kept saying it wasn't the right time or some other riddle that was frustrating him. He frowned as he landed on the Liberty's roof before slipping into his room and detransforming. He caught Tikki and put her into her bed before grabbing her a cookie. She smiled tiredly and took it as Luka sat at his computer and opened chrome. He waited for it to load before he began to type.

How to protect myself from mind control

Results:

how to recognize gaslighting

how to stop someone from manipulating you

He sighed before deleting and typing again.

How to protect myself from been hypnotized

Results:

Learn how to be a magician- video

Ten steps to regain yourself

He sighed again before typing in a final search.

How do I protect myself from psychic attacks

Results:

Stones and Talismans of Witchcraft

Spells to block Psychics

Luka hovered the mouse over the first result before clicking on it. He began to read through it as he took in the information. Apparently, different crystals and stones had different properties that can used to help a wearer in certain ways. Like Amber is excellent for protecting one against psychic attacks but also it helps the user connect with it's aura. Given that he seems to have some sort of connection to an ancient mage, he felt like Amber could help him reconnect with the spiritual side and Feng more than he already has. He sighed and looked over at Tikki.

"Tikki?"

"Hmm?" She asked, looking up from her cookie.

"What's your thoughts on crystals and stones?" He asked, making her blink. "Can crystals have a magical abilities?"

"Of course they can," She smiled, making him blink. "Especially if they've been blessed by a kwami or a spirit. Why?"

"I'm thinking getting an amber tailment to help protect me from mind control..." He admitted, feeling a little silly now that he said it out loud. "That's stupid right?"

"No, I don't think it is," She stated, making him look at him. "Magic is real, Luka. It's just not everyone practices it anymore. Besides, I can bless the taisment for you,"

"You'd do that?" He asked as she flew over and gently hugged his cheek.

"Of course," She smiled, making him smile back. "You're my friend, Luka and I don't want to see you hurt,"

"Thank you, Tikki," He smiled, gently holding her in his hands before he yawned. "I think I should go to bed for now... maybe I won't have a nightmare tonight,"

Tikki frowned a little at his comment. Luka had been having nightmares a lot recently but she couldn't blame him. He had suffered a lot but that's what didn't concern her. At first, they had been nightmares about his stepfather coming back and then Miracle Queen taking over him again or him failing to stop Hawkmoth from destroying the world but in the last week, they had changed. He had started to dream of a sea monster and Paris been flooded. At first, she thought he was having flashbacks of syren but it really didn't make much sense that he would. If that had been the case, why now? Not just that but the sea monster he described sounded nothing like syren but more like the leviathan or Cthulhu. She wasn't sure what he was dreaming off or why but she had to admit, it was scaring her as much as it was scaring Luka. She had hoped it was just a bad dream but seeing Luka jolt awake and scream from his dreams reminded her of when Feng use to do the same. It made her wonder more about his connection to the mage and if something she thought was impossible had actually occurred. She wanted to investigate it further but at the same time, she was afraid of what it might mean if it turned out that way.

"Tikki?" Luka asked, making her look at him. He had a look of concern on his face. "Are you ok?"

"Don't worry about me," She smiled, floating up and gently kissing his nose. "Go to bed,"

"Alright," He nodded before shutting down his computer and changing into his PJs. Once that was done, he climbed into bed and turned off his light, curling up as Tikki floated over and curled up next to him.

~A Couple of Days Later~

Luka took a deep breath as he walked over to the door of a crystal store called Brésilophile. He pushed it open and walked inside, looking around. The woman at the counter looked up and with a tired sigh, addressed him.

"If you're looking for an akuma charms, I don't have any," She stated, making him frown a little.

"Actually... I'm kind of new to... this and I'm looking for something to protect against mind... mental attacks..." He stated nervously as he walked over. She rose an eyebrow. "Um... this might sound crazy but I'm an empath and-"

"Oh, so you need something to cleanse and protect from negative influences and psychic attacks," She stated, smiling. He bit his lip and nodded. "Well, I highly recommend Amber. It helps balancing emotions, attracting good luck, eliminating fears and clearing the mind. It also dissolves any negative energy and helps to develop patience and wisdom. It is an excellent choice for an empath,"

"Do you have any bracelets or necklaces made from it?" He asked, making her nod before she grabbed a couple of them. There were different types of bracelets and necklaces but he found himself drawn to a simple pendant that was rough and jagged looking. "Can I buy that one?"

"Sure," She smiled, putting it through. "You know if you're interested in learning more about the craft, you should go to the Arc en Ciel,"

"The Arc en Ciel?" He asked, taking out cash to pay for his necklace. "What is that and where is it?"

"It's an Esoteric Bookstore that has a lot of different books on spiritualism, modern day wicca and the occult," She explained before telling him where he could find it before giving him the small paper bag she had put the necklace in. He took and thanked her before leaving the store. Once outside, he took it out and looked at it. The gem shined a little and he could always feel an energy coming from it. He put it on before walking back to the boat. Tikki poked her head out.

"Are you gonna go to that bookstore?"

"I don't know," He admitted, looking down. "This is kind of new and I'm not really into witchcraft..."

"It might help you understand your gift," She stated, making him think but part of him felt afraid. Maybe it was because of how Issac reacted and called him a witch but the idea of learning about the occult scared him.. "Maybe it might even help you work out your connection to Master Feng,"

"I'll give it a think," He stated as he walked down the stairs to the Seine. However, his phone buzzed. He took it out and frowned as he saw it was an akuma alert over at the TVi studios. He ran over to the nearly bridge and hid under it. "Well, it looks work calls. Tikki! Spots on!"

He transformed into Anatis and threw his yoyo, collecting it to a flagpole. He yanked it, pulling himself up onto the building before running across the rooftops and landing on the building opposite the TVi studios. He narrowed his eyes as he saw XY run out of the building, shoving people out of the way. A bright green blast caused the doors to blow off, allowing the akuma to step out. She was one of Hawkmoth's more creative ones by the looks of her. She wore a black one piece that had a bright yellow collar on. Her belt was half neon green and half neon yellow with a neon pink belt buckle. It also had neon colored material straps on it. She wore neon yellow stocks with neon pink fishnet pattern on them. On her right leg, she had a garter that was neon green, pink and yellow. Her boots were black with yellow heels and she had one strippy glove while her other one was ripped in places. She wore a black crown on her head that stood out against her hair, which was neon pink that faded into neon green. Her mask was white with paint splatter on it and it only covered one of her eyes, which had bright green iries and black scleas. She also wore neon green lipstick and her skin was a light gray. In her right hand was a neon colored staff that had a sort of eye on top of it. Her eyes were fixed on XY as he struggled to get away from her. Anatis narrowed his eyes before throwing his yoyo and swinging down, grabbing XY and pulling him out of harm's way. He landed on a different building as a butterfly mask appeared around the akuma's eyes. XY took a breathe as she looked up at Anatis.

"Anatis! Give me XY!" She declared, making him frown. "You're supposed to be a hero and I only want to make him understand that his attitude towards his fans isn't cool!"

Anatis ignored her and turned to him.

"What did you do?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Me?! That crazed fan is after me and you're blaming me for it!" He gasped but Anatis didn't say a thing and kept glaring. "Ugh! Fine! We had a contest for one of my fans to win a VIP experience with me but this kind of dull girl won it and then tried to give me some weird bracelet to 'thank' me for my music, which was kind of lame. I mean why would I want something cheap like that! Anyway, I told her thanks but no thanks,"

"Was it recording?" Anatis asked, making XY nod. He took out his yoyo and watched the video, showing that XY said a lot more then thanks but no thanks. He actually insulted the winner and called her boring and lame live on air. He continued to rip into her, causing her to run off crying. Anatis frowned and closed the yoyo a bit too calmly before he turned to XY. "So you failed to mention you insulted her and made her cry live on TV!"

"Not my fault she'- Ah! What are you doing?!" He gasped as Anatis literally dragged him to the edge and held him over it with his jacket. "You can't!"

"You treat people like crap!" He growled, making XY gulp. "You're a thief and you blame everyone but yourself for your problems! I should hand you over to the akuma because kwami knows you deserve it after the way you treated her but fortunately for you, I'm a hero! However, I suggest you change your ways, Xavier or I'll treat you the same way I treat the villains and Hawkmoth. Got it?!"

"What?! Why?" He gasped, surprised. "I'm not a villain!"

"If you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem!" Anatis declared, making XY gasp. "You go around treating people badly in a city where a supervillain feeds of negativity and you don't see a problem with that! You still treat people awfully despite knowing that it makes them vulnerable to akumas so as far as I'm concerned, that makes you just as bad as Hawkmoth!"

He pulled him back and pushed him onto the floor, leaving XY shaking a bit.

"Stay out of sight," He ordered in a harsh manner before swinging away. He landed on another building and let out a sigh before dialling Lady Noir's number, causing her to pick up straight away. "Hey, Kitten we have an akuma at the TVi studios,"

"I'm on my way, Annie," She declared before he hung up. He made his way back to the studios and saw the akuma firing at people with her staff, turning them into her minions before she ordered them to find the heroes and XY. Lady Noir landed next to him as he watched. "What do you think?"

"She's a recruiter type and I think her akuma is in her staff," He stated, making her nod. "We need to make sure-"

"Watch out!" Lady Noir gasped, pulling Anatis back and using her baton to block the akuma's attack. However, her minions were beginning to climb up the walls and trying to burst through the doors, surrounding them. Neon Queen jumped up onto the building and tried to fire at them. Anatis threw his yoyo before grabbing Lady Noir around the waist and swinging off with her. She held onto him as they jumped onto a different building before Anatis threw his yoyo in the air.

"Lucky charm!" He declared, catching the small candle. He rose an eyebrow before it clicked. "I need to go get help,"

"Alright," Lady Noir nodded. "Want me to come with or should I keep an eye on the akuma?"

"Keep an eye on the akuma and engage if she begins to attack civilians again," He ordered, making her nod. "I shouldn't be long,"

He gave her sault before diving off and making his way through the city towards Fu's. He frowned and stopped behind a chimney as he had a sudden strange feeling before he looked behind him. Koro jumped down from a building and looked around, making him sigh. Of course, she's been following him. He stepped out, making her frown as she looked at him.

"Why are you following me?" He asked, making her frown a little.

"To ensure you're not compromised again," She stated, making him frown.

"Well, as you can see, I'm not," He stated, gesturing to himself. "Now go home or do whatever it is you do. I don't need a babysitter,"

"You don't trust me," She stated, making him roll his eyes.

"Clearly," He stated, crossing his arms. She gave him an annoyed look. "You just turn up out of nowhere, act like you own the place and stalk me then you expect me to trust you! Well, I don't! Trust and Respect need to be earnt and other then helping us one time because you had no other choice doesn't earn you my respect or trust! Especially since you've been here since the beginning!"

"None of the western box can purify akumas and it wasn't my place to interfere,"

"You could have reached out to Master Fu and let him know that he isn't alone!" He shouted before pinching his nose as his earrings beeped. "I haven't got time for this right now. I have an akuma defeat so just go back to the shadows and leave me alone!"

"Anatis!" She gasped as he threw his yoyo and swung away, making her sigh before she turned back around and jumped away.

~At Master Fu's~

Luka sighed as Master Fu took out the miracle box and placed it in front of him, opening it up. The draws popped out, causing him to focus on it.

"Luka Couffaine, pick an ally you can trust to fight alongside you in this mission," Master Fu stated, causing Luka to take a breathe. "Choose wisely. Such powers are meant to serve the greater good,"

Luka nodded as he looked at them.

"Once the mission is over, you will retrieve the miraculous from them," He stated as Luka reached for the fox and picked it up. "Calling on Culpeo again?"

"She's perfect for this mission," He stated, making Master Fu nod before he got up and pocketed it. He walked over to the window but Master Fu cleared his voice. "Yeah?"

"Are you ok?" Master Fu asked, making Luka frown before he sighed.

"I ran into Koro before I came here," He stated, frowning. "Can we talk about it after the akuma's been dealt with?"

"Of course," Master Fu nodded, causing Luka to nod back before leaving the apartment. He transformed into Anatis and made his way to the Liberty, finding Juleka on the deck alone. He landed in front of her, making her look up at him.

"I need your help with the akuma," He stated, holding out the miraculous. She nodded and took it, putting it on. Trixx manifested and zoomed around her, making her smile.

"Trixx, let's pounce," She declared, transforming into Culpeo before jumping towards where Lady Noir and Neon Queen were fighting. They landed on the rooftop above them before Anatis threw his yoyo in the air and called for his lucky charm, catching it from the air. He rose an eyebrow as it was a length of rope before he glanced around in his luck vision. Culpeo lit up, followed by the rope, a lampost nearby, followed by a tree next to the lamp post and Neon Queen's staff before it finally highlighted Lady Noir. He turned to Culpeo as Lady Noir dodged Neon Queen's attack. "I need you to create an illusion of XY to lure her close to my trap,"

"Alright," Culpeo replied, following him as he jumped down to the lamp post and the tree. He tied the rope into a lasso before wrapping it around the lamp post before using the tree to pull it back, making it into a spring trap that would be triggered the moment Neon Queen stepped on it. He threw his yoyo up to a building and pulled himself onto it. Culpeo followed him before taking her flute out and bringing it to her mouth. She played a few notes on it, creating the ball of light on the end before throwing it towards the street. "Mirage!"

An illusion of XY rushed out and gasped in fear as Neon Queen saw him, taking her attention of Lady Noir.

"Finally!" She gasped, pointing her wand at him and fired at him but he dodged and ran off, causing her to follow. She ran past the building they were on and straight into Anatis' trap. The rope wrapped around her ankle and pulled her up, causing her to drop her wand. Anatis jumped down and grabbed it, throwing it towards Lady Noir.

"Cataclysm!" She declared as she caught it, causing it to turn to rust. She dropped it and crushed it with her foot, causing the akuma to escape as Anatis and Culpeo lowered Neon Queen to the floor. Seeing the akuma, Anatis took out his yoyo and caught it before releasing the purified verison back into the world as Culpeo continued to untie Neon Queen. With her untied, she handed Anatis the rope, allowing him to throw it up in the air and release the cure. It flowed through Paris, fixing all the damage before disappearing. Neon Queen turned back into her normal form, making her blink and look around as Lady Noir came over. Anatis knelt down in front of her and helped her to her feet.

"Anatis? Lady Noir? Culpeo?" She asked, looking confused. "What happened?"

"You were akumatized," He stated, making her blink and look down. "But everything is ok now..."

"I'm sorry," She gasped, looking at him. "I didn't meant to. It's just I was meant to meet XY but he was so mean to me. He said I looked dumb and thumpy and didn't even seem interested in meeting anyone. I wanted to give him this but..."

She looked at the bracelet on her wrist.

"He said it looked cheap..." She mumbled, looking down. "I made it myself but it wasn't good enough..."

"You shouldn't listen to him," Anatis stated, making her look at him. "It is good enough. I think it's awesome that you made it,"

"Thank you," She smiled shyly before taking off the bracelet and handing it to Anatis, making him look at her in surprise. "I think you should have it,"

"Thank you," He replied back, taking it and putting it on his wrist before his ears beeped. "I have to go now,"

She nodded as he stood up and turned to the girls as their miraculous beeped. Lady Noir spun her baton and leaned on it.

"See you for Patrol?" She asked, making him smile and nod. She grinned back before turning to Culpeo. "Good job today, Kit. It was nice to see you again,"

"It was nothing really..." Culpeo mumbled but she had a smile on her face. Lady Noir gave her a kind smile before saulting them both and jumping away. Anatis smiled and turned to Culpeo.

"Time to go," He stated before the two of them jumped off and headed to an alleyway near the Seine. They landed in it, allowing Culpeo to transform back into Juleka. She gave a highfive to Trixx and said goodbye before taking off the necklace and handing it back to Anatis. "Thank you for your help today, Juleka,"

"It was no problem," She smiled shyly before running out of the alleyway. She stopped and waved to him before walking off. He threw his yoyo up and swung over to Master Fu's. He jumped down into the alleyway next to it and detransformed, catching Tikki as he did. He took out a cookie for her and placed her in his pocket as she began to eat it. He walked over to the door and put in the code before heading up to Master Fu's shop. He knocked on the door and entered, causing Master Fu to look up at him before he got up and took out the miracle box. Luka handed him back the fox miraculous before he sat down and let out a sigh.

"Want to tell me what's on your mind?" Master Fu asked as he put back the box. Luka let out a sigh again.

"Koro was following me in case I got controlled again," He stated, making Master Fu frown. "I get that she helped us but she literally just turned up when it suited her and now expects me to work with her?! I get that she might have been under Princess Justice's control but if she wasn't, where was her help then? Or before that? How can she expect me to trust her when she didn't try to help before miracle queen?! She could have tracked you down and let you know that you're not alone! Or she could have build a team to help take down Hawkmoth?! She could have done anything but she did nothing! And now she expects me to trust her!? How do I even know I can?! Does she realize that trust is earned not given?!"

Master Fu remained silent as Luka let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry... it's just..." He sighed, glancing down. "Part of me wants to trust her and I feel bad that I don't but how can I when she didn't even try to help us before Miracle Queen?... Am I been selfish?"

"I don't think so, Luka," Master Fu stated as Luka sat down. "But maybe part of the reason why you feel like you can't trust her is due to recent events? After all, you've been through some very traumatic things recently,"

"Mob Boss has nothing to do with this..." He stated, making Master Fu frown. "I'm annoyed that she just turned up and expects me to trust her instantly... It doesn't help that I can't sleep either!"

"The nightmares again?" Master Fu asked, making Luka sigh.

"They're different," He admitted, making Fu frown. "I keep dreaming of a flooded paris,"

"Syren flashbacks?" Fu asked but the haunted look on Luka's face concerned him.

"No... I don't think it's of the past," He replied, making his mentor frown even more. "I think it's of the future..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Chapter: Coming soon

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ramblinganthropologist · 3 years

Text

Fictober 2021 1- “I need you”

Fanfiction or Original Fiction: Fanfiction

Fandom: Mass Effect (with mention to Nijigasaki High School Idol Club)

Summary: FTL is boring. Garrus doesn’t know what to do with himself until he gets a strange message out of the blue. What’s he going to find in that storage room, and who knew humanity’s first Spectre was such a fucking hipster when it came to music?

---

It was in his quiet moments that Garrus had to wonder how the hell he had wound up on a human ship in the first place.

Right then, he was having one of those quiet moments to reflect on as he stood around trying to plan his next move. They had just left a planet behind with plans to return to the Citadel in order to report on their findings. That left plenty of FTL time to get jobs that got pushed to the side during busier moments done. Problem was… he had finished all his.

Who knew being efficient could be such a downside? Damn his ability to get things done.

With nothing better to do, he had found himself once again down in the cargo hold, watching as people went about their business. Off to the side, some techs were trying to fix the Mako after it had been put through its paces. Just looking at its scratched, dented hull made his stomach queasy, especially when it revved to life to test the engine.

He was never getting in that fucking thing again if he had any say in the matter. Of course, he didn’t, but it was the thought that counted.

“Yeah…good luck with that.” He turned away, half content to count the boxes. To say he was bored out of his mind was putting it mildly. There was just nothing for him to do right then except people watch and try his best to stay out of the way. Given he was the only turian on a mostly human ship, that was probably something useful. Maybe he could use it as training?

…

Nah. Even he couldn’t float that one.

“Better go find something to do I guess.” He moved off from his box, heading towards the elevator. Garrus only got a few steps, though. Much to his surprise, his wrist began to beep with the sound of a new message.

“Huh, that’s weird.” He flipped his wrist over, the screen soon glowing before him. It was from a human address, that much was for sure. There was only one line of text, but the sight of it made his mandibles twitch.

I need you.

“What the…” Garrus realized it was coming from the Normandy, and nearby too if the trace he had on his omnitool was anything to go by. Well, he didn’t have anything better to do, so off he went to track the source.

It took him down a hallway, then another. It would be a miracle if he found his way back after, but he wasn’t worried about that. The strange message spurred him on as he took a left, and then a right. Then he was alone, standing in front of a door labeled storage.

Well… that was weird.

“Uh… is someone in there?” His voice carried down the empty hallway. “I got your message…”

The skittering sounds on the other side of the door stopped, then it was followed by muffled swearing as something dropped and scattered all over the place. A few seconds later, and the door lock turned from red to green, and the soft clicking let him know he was free to go through.

Well, might as well.

“I’m coming in…” The door slid open, and he stepped through. However, he didn’t really get too far as he glanced around. On the bright side, he was pretty sure nobody was dying anytime soon. On the other hand… what the fuck?

“Oh, hey there. Glad you got my message, didn’t think it would send down here.”

“You know, when you said, ‘I need you’ this wasn’t really what I was expecting…”

Garrus’ eye twitched as he glanced into the room. To put it bluntly, it was a mess. There were boxes everywhere, and some of them had spilled their contents onto the floor. In the midst of this chaos stood was the possible cause, holding a now emptied box and looking rather sheepish as he glanced at the floor around him.

For a small man, humanity’s first Spectre really knew how to make a mess.

Shepard chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I bit off more than I could chew.”

He put his box on a nearby shelf, sighing as soon as it was down. “These were a lot heavier than I thought they would be. Do you think you could give me a hand getting this put away? I was hoping to have it done before we exit FTL.”

A thousand thoughts ran through Garrus’ mind as he watched the Spectre continue to clean. Firstly, and most importantly of all – why was this his job? Last he had checked, Shepard was the CO on the Normandy. If he had wanted the mess cleaned up, he could’ve ordered one of the crew members to do it without much pushback. That was kind of the perk of being a CO, or so he had been told.

Maybe humans preferred all hands-on deck…

“Uh, sure…” He stooped to pick up a box, the contents rattling as he slotted it on the shelf. Then another box met the same fate. Now they had a little more room to move. “Why are you doing this by yourself anyway?”

Shepard’s cheeks were turning pink as he lifted a box. “I ran out of other stuff to do the last time we went into FTL drive.”

…

Well, shit. He could appreciate that.

The Spectre kept talking as he moved. “I knew it was a mess down here, so I figured I could clean it up while we headed back to the Citadel. Bo was supposed to do this with me, but she’s still in the medbay.”

Bo… Garrus couldn’t put a face to that name as he kept moving. Was there someone named that on the Normandy? Hell, he didn’t know… human names were weird. Whoever they were, he wasn’t too fond of them right now as he continued his menial labor.

“Oh, she’s the big human with pink hair. You know, the other Commander Shepard here?”

… Apparently, humans were psychic. Good to know.

Much to his surprise, Shepard startled chuckling at his startled expression. It wasn’t a bad sound, just odd. Humans always sounded odd to him, and that was with the translator working overtime. Whatever they actually sounded like, he didn’t know and honestly didn’t want to find out. He could live without that mystery being solved, thank you very much.

He didn’t hate humans; he just didn’t really care.

“How did you…”

The human kept chuckling as he reached for another box. “I remembered we never gave you our names when you started working with us. Doubt you’d hear it anyway among the crew, I don’t even know if they know them. Joker does, but hell if he ever uses them.”

That Garrus could understand. Turians were also on a last name basis in the chain of command. He honestly couldn’t remember what the names of his last CO’s might have been, and he didn’t really need to either. It was strange, but oddly comforting to know humans were on the same page.

Then again, as far as he knew it was just because they hadn’t asked. He doubted that, though. They were curious bastards.

“Ah. Well, she was pretty banged up from the last mission, no surprises there.” He put another box down. “Though she seems the type to sneak out of the medbay when she gets bored.”

That earned him a snort of laughter from Shepard as he continued to work. “You can say that again.”

“Fine. She seems- “

Shepard held up his hand, chuckling a little. “Sorry, that’s a human expression. You don’t have to actually say it again.”

Humans and their damn expressions. You think he would’ve learned by now to never take them at face value…

Still, Garrus kept on his work. With the two of them, the work went faster. Before long, a good chunk of the floor had been cleared. There were still plenty to be moved, but at least they could get by without bumping into each other. His carapace was still vibrating from having slammed into the human a few times, so he was glad for that.

“Alright, just a few more.” Shepard sounded cheery as he grabbed for a box on a nearby table. It must have been heavy, because he grunted and pulled back hard. Maybe a little too hard – the turian got to watch as he started to lean back. “Oh sh- “

It was instinct that led Garrus forward. Instead of the floor, the human hit the front of his armor with a hearty thunk. At least the box didn’t hit the floor – his talons were soon on it, steadying it. Just like he thought, it had been heavy – too heavy for the human. Even he felt a bit of the strain as they stood there in the middle of the floor.

“Fuck.” Shepard’s expletive hissed between his teeth as he and Garrus did their best to get the box where it needed to go. “Damn thing was heavier than it looked.”

The turian resisted an eyeroll as he slid it into place. “How about you sweep the floor and leave the box lifting to me? The only shelf space left is above your head anyway.”

That was probably a mistake. He hadn’t been around many humans, but he knew the smaller ones often had issues if their lack of height was brought up. Being on the Normandy long enough had shown him its CO was smaller than most of the crew by significant amounts. Maybe that was why he braced for the fallout.

Instead, Shepard nodded. “Yeah… that’s probably for the best. Thanks for the save, Garrus.”

He glanced around, and his pink cheeks started to turn red. “Uh… I can’t get the broom if you’re keeping me pinned against the shelf. Mind backing up a little?”

Huh?

Garrus blinked as he realized the position he was in. Shepard was right – he had the smaller man up against the shelf without any room to get out. They were practically touching they were so close, and he could actually smell the human thanks to the lack of distance. Surprisingly, he was rather sweet – kind of like a baked good.

Did humans make that smell naturally? If they did, he was kind of jealous.

“Oh… right, sorry.” He backed up, allowing Shepard to slide out. The human was soon grabbing for a broom and beginning his task. This left him to do the same, and then were soon absorbed in their individual chores.

Thanks to this, they fell into a rather easy silence that Garrus hadn’t found since coming onto the Normandy. While he didn’t exactly enjoy this kind of grunt labor, there was a weird sort of calm to it as he continued to shift boxes around. In the end, it was all work with his talons and none with his brain.

With everything they had been going through, he needed the break.

“This boulevard that leads to tomorrow has flowers blooming along it…”

A soft voice drew him out of his weird state of meditation. He turned around, still holding a box, to investigate the source. Much to his surprise, he saw that Shepard was still sweeping up. Not only that, but he had also started to sing as he cleaned.

“I’ll take the courage that you gave me and hold it close…” He was still sweeping, his voice barely above a whisper. It was surprisingly high, especially compared to his speaking voice. “We made this promise with smiles… And I’ll make it bloom…”

He broke off into humming at that point as he moved the broom across the floor. Garrus’ translator was going overtime as it translated. Songs were much harder than speech, so it took a few moments of feedback for the translation to spit out. However, it was doing so against his visor soon enough, a turian voice in his ear.

That… well, it wasn’t a song he would have expected from a space marine. Frankly, it sounded more appropriate for a teenage girl.

“And I promise to you… I want to tell you so many thank yous~” Shepard held the last note, pointing his broom at the last moment. Then he swirled around, obviously following some unknown dance routine. Unfortunately for him, that made him face Garrus.

Well… shit.

The color drained from the human’s face as he stopped singing abruptly. His cheeks turned pink as he put his broom back down on the floor and started to sweep faster. Something about his posture made the turian feel… well… kind of guilty.

Why, he had no idea. It wasn’t like he had done anything…

Still, Garrus frowned at the tension that filled the room. His mandibles twitched as he tried to think of an excuse or something to break the ice. However, he couldn’t find anything to say. They didn’t exactly cover catching a fellow soldier singing a strange little song during cleaning in basic for obvious reasons. He was kind of on his own.

He hated that.

“Sorry… I forgot I wasn’t alone.” Shepard’s voice was back to where it usually was as he kept his eyes on the floor. “It would be great if you didn’t tell anyone about that, thanks.”

Garrus allowed a nod as he picked up the last box to put it away. “Uh, no problem. I don’t think I’ve heard that song before. Is it from Earth?”

“I’d be surprised if you had, it’s old as hell and from a really niche genre.” Shepard chuckled rather sheepishly as he reached for the dustpan once he had finished with the floor. “God, that must make me sound like such a hipster.”

It did, but Garrus wasn’t going to say it. After all, the guy was kind of his CO at the moment. Kind of went against the code, you know?

“Could you… send it to me maybe? I’m kind of curious now.”

Now he was the one being stared at. Shepard had stopped sweeping, and his wide eyes were trained. Garrus felt his mandibles twitch as he looked around the room, wondering if he had said something wrong. Was he not supposed to ask? Did humans have some weird taboo about asking for music from people?

Spirits, knowing him he had walked straight into some diplomatic snafu. Oh well, he’d had a good life…

“You really want to listen to it?”

There was no denying it – Shepard sounded excited. Garrus in his relief almost missed the fact the other man’s posture had completely changed. No more was he turned in on himself in embarrassment. Now he was wide open, eager – his eyes were practically sparkling.

Talk about a change.

“Uh… sure. You have my address, so send it over.”

Shepard was already typing on his omnitool, grinning. “I’ll send a few over. If you like them, I have plenty more. They were a little different from the other groups in their company, but I really enjoy listening to them. A few even made it to my battle playlists. What can I say, nothing like chase or dive to get you going.”

Well… at least he wasn’t the only one to make battle playlists. That was good to know. At least they had something in common.

Garrus nodded at this, seeing the email already in his inbox. “Thanks, I’ll let you know what I think once I listen.”

He glanced around the room – from the looks of things, they were done. “Do you need any more help, or should I get going?”

“Oh, you can head off. I just need to finish sweeping.” He was smiling now. “Thanks for your help, Garrus. You’re a real lifesaver.”

Something about that made his stomach shift. Garrus at least managed a nod as he left, the door sliding shut behind him. He should have started moving, but something made him stay by the door, quiet.

He was probably wasting his time… but…

“The future we envisioned… let’s make it a reality someday…”

Yep. He was singing again.

Maybe that was why Garrus stayed by the door for just a bit longer to listen. Sure, there were better singers – and ones who could do it without blushing like idiots – but something about the Spectre’s voice was soothing. He had a nice voice, even if most of the time he used it to get the crew out of trouble.

He could get used to listening to it…

“Shit, I’m getting ahead of myself.” He shook his head, but yet Garrus didn’t move. After all, he wanted to hear the end of the song. Maybe later, he could compare the two. Until he had to, however, he was content to stay by that door.

Maybe he’d get an encore out of it. If all their FTL went like this… maybe the Normandy wasn’t so bad after all. He could get used to this.

#fictober21 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #Alistair Shepard #Garrus Vakarian #Alistair is a pure aspect in the pure-cool-smile triad #just in case anyone was in both fandoms lol

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castiel-kline · 4 years

Note

can we talk about the scene where jack meets his grandparents??? please?? it breaks my heart everytime and your kline family gifset didn't help. please ramble, kitkat!!

First of all anon I think you must be psychic because watching that scene is what gave me the idea to make that post and I saved the gifs under “kline family gifset” while I was editing them. Just wild to me that you phrased it exactly the same 😂

But I would absolutely LOVE to talk about this, yes.

Under a cut because if you specifically ask for rambles, you’re gonna get some rambling 💕

Let’s start by talking about why he went in the first place. He had to sneak out of the Bunker to do so, which he knew full well was dangerous and going to get him in trouble. When he comes back (and gets in trouble) he tells Cas that “it wasn’t a risk” which, hmm. But then he goes on to say, “I heard what you were saying, Cas, about finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Presumably he’s referring to earlier in the episode when Cas told him that “the past, where you came from, that’s important. But it’s not as important as the future and where you’re going.”

And to be honest I feel like Jack did take a pretty good message out of that. It’s just so sad to me that at this point he still thinks family is defined by blood (big ouch for Cas there too), and I think maybe that’s because even though he was born thinking Cas was his father, everybody (the boys, angels, demons, etc) told him no. Everyone was telling him that Lucifer is his father, Lucifer is his dad because Lucifer is in his DNA, and that’s just how it is. So despite his connection with Cas being stronger than Lucifer’s influence even before Jack was born, he was forcibly taught that none of that mattered by everyone’s constant worrying that he’d turn out to be evil (which… I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure evil isn’t genetic. So the whole thing is a little wild anyway).

Now, I’m convinced that Jack has always fully loved and trusted Cas, but I think the nature v. nurture mindset -of, you know, everyone- complicated things a bit at the start. Fortunately, though, nobody could take away or undermine his connection with Kelly in a similar way because they ARE biologically related, so a lot of the time in season 13 I feel like Jack was basing his actions on whether or not Kelly would approve. If I’m remembering correctly, the whole reason he gave Lucifer a chance in the first place (besides his natural curiosity) was because Kelly told him in the video she left for him that no one would blame him if he went looking for Lucifer one day. He’s CONSTANTLY thinking about Kelly. He loves her so much.

So here we are in the beginning of season 14, and Jack has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing. He feels useless, and because of that he’s doubting what his place is (unfortunately this is a very Castiel thing to do). So, as usual, he looks to his mother for guidance. But since he can’t ask her directly, and Cas was the only other person who actually knew Kelly (I feel like Jack’s the type of kid to avoid “bothering” dad when he’s busy), Jack somehow found his grandparents. Logical conclusion, not even gonna lie.

I really wonder how he even did that. How did he find out about them? Did Cas know they were still around? Where do they live? How did Jack get there, since he couldn’t drive yet and he couldn’t fly at the time? I guess those things aren’t that important in the long run. But he gets there, and UGH does this scene break me inside.

The simple fact that he sought them out hurts me and melts my heart simultaneously, but just…

The look on his face when he opens the door is too much for me. It’s like this mix of refined fear (probably of rejection) and this open wonder because this woman is his grandmother. And he knows he can’t tell her that. And then when he introduces himself and Jack Sr. comes over like “My name is Jack too!” all excited, and Jack’s expression switches from something sad to more of that wonder and he just goes “I know.” AHHHH. I think he’s probably very proud to have something that connects him to Kelly and Kelly’s direct family even further.

The entire scene definitely gave off visiting the grandparents vibes, though. Jack Sr. is just a kindly old man, and I’m pretty sure Grandma Kline (wiki says her name is Helen?) actually handed him a glass of lemonade. And this lil exchange KILLS me:

“How did you know our Kelly? Through work?”

“She… basically gave me my start.” BABY. I’M EMOTIONAL.

And then he goes for the photo album and he’s so damn happy to see pictures of Kelly. The only ones he has is the video and the picture on his nightstand, right? Whatever Cas can tell him about her (admittedly not much, because they were the sweetest of friends but they didn’t know each other that long) really isn’t going to compare to actually seeing the things that make her real.

AND THEN the real punch of the scene comes when Mrs. Kline asks him about Kelly’s pregnancy. You can tell he wants to tell them SO BAD, but he doesn’t. He just says “she had the baby,” with the purest smile on his face. And he tells them it’s a boy, and they get so excited about having a grandson and Jack’s just sitting there, unable to tell them that HE is their grandson. And it breaks my heart.

“In the time I spent with her, she was an amazing mother. Her son loves her very much.”

Cue ugly sobbing, yeah? And he just… keeps going. He talks about what he remembers about her before he was born, and he’s smiling but his expression changes to looking like he’s about to cry when he says “she made him feel safe and wanted.” And that is just too much for me because I’m sure he feels safe with Cas, and obviously he’s wanted and loved there. But Cas isn’t Kelly and can never fill that space. And Jack has spent so much of his life feeling like he’s an unwanted burden, and he hasn't had a lot of real bonding time with Cas yet. And sure, his relationship with Sam was good at this point, but sadly I think Jack never really feels like he’s fully accepted there because he doubts his place. He doesn’t with Cas, and he’s going to get opportunities to build on that. He doesn’t have to doubt it with Kelly either, but the memory of that feeling is literally all he has. And all the times he worried he wasn’t enough before this point, I’m sure he was holding on to that memory with everything that he had.

AND THEN Mrs. Kline says that Jack looks like Kelly… and this child gets so emotional. I feel like he’s honored. But he pulls himself together and says “I don’t know, but I hope someday to have a little of her courage and purpose.” And that hits HARD for many reasons, but knowing that Jack is constantly struggling to feel useful? I’m sobbing and screaming now.

He gets up to leave looking like he’s about to break down crying, and he’s just going “I didn’t mean to intrude” (because this is a boy with manners!!!) but it’s his little “I just had to meet you” that gets me. And then he gets to shake his grandpa’s hand and hug his grandma and say he misses Kelly too. It’s SUCH a fantastic scene.

And I think it really did help him a lot, too. He confirms that it did when Cas directly asks him about in the midst of his scolding about sneaking out. And then Cas confirms that Jack looks like Kelly, which melts my poor heart even further. What Jack says to Cas there, about how he wanted to tell them that he was their grandson… it hurts. It all hurts, actually, but it’s kind of a good hurt because spn actually managed to treat Kelly and Jack’s relationship with the respect and gravitas that it deserves. And the scene with his grandparents and his scenes with Cas, both the one building up to it and the one after, are the highlights of this episode in my opinion.

I was not expecting this to become a scene breakdown, but I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! I am always happy to cry over Jack and Kelly in an overly verbose way.

#kitkat rambles #jack kline #kelly kline #spn 14x02 #dadstiel and nougat son #asks #anon #spn #the kline family

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years

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Okay. Since I have NO CHILL.... But what about a fic where reddie gets together in secret and hides their relationship. But they go away for a weekend after graduation and the losers are already suspicious, but it’s then confirmed when eddie&richie both post a selfie of them kissing in front of like. Idk a sunset or a cute background and is just like “surprise” (but is it really??)

(sorry for the wait Sara but here you go!)

* * * * *

Eddie stepped out of the classroom at the end of sixth period and he headed towards the exit where all the losers met up to walk home. It had become a sort of routine when Mike arrived at the school during Freshman Year. They had decided that since Mike was knew, and thanks to all the bullying, they would be safer in numbers and took turns walking Mike to the Farm to school and then from.

It was during one of these walks that Eddie and Richie merged into EddieandRichie. Since the group had decided to pair up when walking Mike to and from the farm and Ben and Bev had paired up, as well as Bill and Stan, that left Richie and Eddie. Not that the two were complaining, as even before that, they were gravitating towards each other.

Then one winter evening after they dropped Mike off and it was just starting to get dark outside, Richie had laced their fingers together on the path away from the farm. Eddie fought back a smile as his cheeks flushed, hidden by the darkness of the night. By the time they reached Eddie’s house, they were both smiling like idiots and Richie had brought Eddie’s hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

“G’night, Eds.”

Four months later and they were well into a relationship, even if it was being kept a secret from the other losers. Both Richie and Eddie had agreed, mutually, that they would keep their relationship to themselves and not draw any more attention to them or their friends. According to them, the last thing they needed was everyone staring at them for being gay and in love.

Eddie was just about to step outside when a pair of arms were wrapped around his waist and pulled him into the supply closet. The door was closed behind him and Richie’s lips were on Eddie’s kissing him deep and burying his hands into his hair. “Heya, Eds,” he breathed against his lips.

“Rich, what are you doing?” Eddie asked, pulling away just a little. “The others, they’re waiting for us...we don’t want them to catch us.”

Richie shrugged, keeping his arm around Eddie’s waist, “Wanted to see you before,” he mumbled. “I miss you, I miss not being able to see you and kiss you whenever I want.” He ran his free hand through his hair, “Come away with me this weekend, please? My folks, you know that summer house they have just outside Boston? Come with me and we can...be us, together?”

Eddie paused, looking into Richie’s eyes, “Rich...my mom would never let me, you know that,” he whispered. “She barely lets me stay over at Bills on a Friday night. What makes you think she’ll let me disappear for the whole weekend? With you no less.” After the words left his lips, Eddie realised how awful it sounded. “Rich-”

“It’s fine,” Richie shook his head. “I have a plan just...you trust me right?” He asked. “I have a plan. Meet me at the barrens tonight at seven and you won’t have to worry about the rest of the weekend. Your mother won’t even know your gone.”

Of course, Eddie was wary, but he trusted Richie with his life and sure, it would be great to spend a weekend away with his boyfriend without being scared or hiding. “Okay, I’ll be at the barrens tonight, at seven,” he nodded his head. “We need to go now though, before someone comes looking and they find us.”

Although reluctant, Richie agreed and let Eddie leave the closet first, following behind him and swung an arm over his shoulder. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, as Richie was always touching Eddie in some way or the other. The others were all still waiting for them outside, and Bev raised her eyebrows at them, but didn’t say anything, simply moving into step with Ben as they all made their way towards Mike’s farm, something they did every Friday night as it meant spending more time together.

As soon as Eddie stepped into the house after they all parted ways, he moved into the kitchen to see a note from his mother. It was letting him know she had gone to her sisters for the weekend he was to be on his best behaviour in her absence and she would see him on Sunday evening. A smile broke onto Eddie’s face as he realised this was the reason he wouldn’t have a problem sneaking away with Richie for the weekend.

He rushed up the stairs and pulled out his mini-suitcase, packing some overnight clothes for the weekend before making his way out to the barrens where Richie was already waiting for him, his truck parked to the side and ready to go. Eddie didn’t hesitate in throwing his bag into the backseat and wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck in a hug. “How did you know my mother would be gone for the weekend?”

Richie grinned at him, leaning down to steal a quick kiss before pulling back. “My mom overheard her on the phone at the supermarket. She must have been talking to her sister or something. She gave me the heads up. Mags really is our relationship MVP.”

“Yeah, but that’s because she’s the only one who knows about us. You can’t say that Bev wouldn’t be high on the MVP scale if she knew,” Eddie grinned, stepping back and heading to the passenger side of Richie’s truck. Richie just laughed and followed him around, climbing into the driver’s seat and turning the keys in the ignition.

“I tried to convince dad to give me his car this weekend,” Richie mumbled as he pulled away from the barrens and onto the main road. “He said that no amount of begging would let him trust me with his car, so my truck it is, Eds.”

Eddie just rolled his eyes a little and got comfortable in the seat, “You cleaned the truck up for me, that’s the best I could have asked for to be honest.” They fell into a comfortable silence, the music playing from the stereo that was hooked up to Richie’s phone. “Is this my playlist?” Eddie asked after a few songs, all of which featured on Richie’s playlist that he named ‘Eds’.

He watched a flush appear on his boyfriend’s cheeks, but there was no answer, so Eddie picked up his phone from where it sat, logging in to Spotify. Sure enough, it was his ‘Eds’ playlist, and Eddie couldn’t help the smile that broke out onto his face. Richie squawked from his seat, “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not laughing!” Eddie defended himself, shaking his head. “I’m impressed that you know me so well to have all my favourite songs on the one playlist.” He continued to flick through the songs that Richie had on his playlist as he had always known it existed, but only now was he getting the chance to actually see.

“You know, I think Bev knows about us,” Richie muttered about half way through the drive. Eddie looked over at him from where he was lost in thought, looking at the scenery outside the window. “I told her I couldn’t hang out on Sunday with her…because of course I’ll be with you and she just gave me this look…as though she knew that I’d be with you.”

Eddie frowned, tilting his head to the side, “Well, it’s almost graduation and we’ll all be leaving for college soon. They are going to find out sooner or later because I have no plans on ending this with you.” He let out a sigh. “I think we should tell them, when we get back. Get all the losers together and just…come clean. Aren’t you tired of hiding from them?”

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Richie nodded his head and made a turn in, pulling up to a service stop that was by a lake reservoir. The sight was one to behold, as the sun was just beginning to set, casting a warm orange glow over the water. “Why wait until Sunday?” Richie asked and grabbed his phone. Eddie watching him get out of the car and head over to the edge of the lake.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked as he got out of the car, following him until they were standing side by side. “We’re not going back, Rich. I want to spend this weekend with you.”

Richie nodded, “And we are, I’m not saying we go back. I’m saying we take a really cheesy picture of us kissing in front of the sunset and send it to them in the group chat.” His eyebrows waggled as he pulled up the camera and Eddie relented, nodding his head. Richie grinned and held the phone away from him as he leaned down, catching Eddie’s lips in a kiss as he snapped the picture.

Eddie had to say, he was rather impressed at the turnout of the picture and allowed Richie to send it to all the losers in the chat. Barely five seconds later, both of their phones were blowing up with messages in response.

Bev: I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT

Billy: Gross guys, right in front of my salad, really?

Haystack: I’m so happy for you!

Mikey: Congratulations guys!

Stan the Man: You all owe me 5 bucks.

Stan the Man: Congrats.

Both of them just laughed and turned their phones off. They would deal with their friends on Sunday when they got back to Derry. Right now though, they just slipped back into Richie’s truck and continued to the holiday home, happy and in love.

* * * * *

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @bitchbrak @sloppybitchreddie @its-stranger-than-you-think @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @halfway-happy353 @tinyarmedtrex @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @that-weird-girls-blog @studpuffin @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @trashmouthtozierr @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall @xandertheundead @sedanleystanley @hawkinsbabe @beepbeeprichiellc @stellarbisexual @oldguybones @stanleuyris @eduardoandale @purplepoisonedgem @reddie-to-cryy @pink-psychic @violetreddie @toziesque @queen-sock @appojoos @moonlightrichie @rreddies @disneyfan567 @annxmatron @lifesucksheres20bucks @anellope @roobarrtrashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @callmechee @nancynwheeler @reddieforlove @twoidiotsinl0ve @madi-artist @tozierking @s-onora @atownofeggs @wilding-throught-thehallways @no-she-wasnt-reddie @dadbodrichie @thorn-harvester-ven @eddiekasbpark @sparklingrainbowdragon @ransonelovebot @gloire-celeste @derrylosers @3tothe1 @virgo-luthie @sashadrowned @spirited-marvel @losers-gotta-stick-together @rebecca-the-queen @ultrapaninibred

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #writing tag

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ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife · 4 years

Text

MAG 020 - Desecrated Host (part 2)

Summary: Jonathan reads the second half of the statement of Father Edwin Burroughs, regarding “his claimed demonic possession.”

I’d like to propose an alternate title for this one: “Bartleby”. I couldn’t help but see the parallel between Bartleby the Scrivener’s “I would prefer not to” and Father Burroughs saying, “seeing those bound corpses before me, I made the decision to take no action ever again.” Ah, Burroughs! Ah, humanity!

I mentioned in my last post that this episode was very heavy in the “altered reality” theme. I’d like to amend that: this entire episode was one long, terrifying fever dream. I’ve never been high but I think this might be what a bad trip feels like.

Jonny Sims et al. really outdid themselves on this one though, in both the writing and the performance. So many episodes really suck you in (not literally, fortunately - we’re luckier than some of the characters that way) and grip you ’til the very end. But this was one of the best so far for that. We get more than standard descriptions of things - we get things like that small, whispered “it was bright...so bright” in Father Burroughs’ description of the “church” and the resounding, gonging bell sound accompanying the bell-speech Father Burroughs hears. You can almost feel his throbbing head and blurring vision, and at times it just feels so real.

But it wasn’t. At least, not in the way that we like to think of reality. Whatever an outside observer might have seen that night, this statement was Father Burroughs’ reality. We do know that at least some of this episode was real in the normal sense of the word though. There are snippets, like Father Singh’s reaction to seeing Father Burroughs in the small chapel, and Father Burroughs later seeing Father Singh in the hallway, that seem like they were part of objective reality. Was this slip between reality and the illusion just so that we, the audience, knew that it wasn’t real? Or was it because whatever was affecting him couldn’t keep an airtight grip on his senses? I’d like for it to be the latter, but I’m worried that’s not the case. I do not like how powerful this thing seems to be.

During the “confession”, “Father Singh” recounted all of Father Burroughs’ past sins...so this thing either actually knew about all of those events, or it made Father Burroughs imagine that “Father Singh” was naming all of his sins (a la the psychic paper in Doctor Who). Also disturbing was the detail about its accent during the “confession” - it had “a crisp and clipped RP accent”, as opposed to Father Singh’s Indian one. The change in accent made it obvious for us that it was not Father Singh speaking, but otherwise it just makes no sense to me. Was it unable to imitate Father Singh’s accent for some reason? That might fit if it’s the same thing that spoke in a “low, grating voice” to Laura Popham in episode 15. But those are the only two times (that I recall) that the person making the statement has noted a change in the person’s voice when that static appears.

There are two possibilities I’m seeing for how this thing operates. Either it’s little more than an illusionist, or it can actually alter reality itself. The first would certainly be easier to deal with, but I’m leaning towards the latter. My main reason for thinking that is not strictly things seen in this episode, but more how things in this episode seem to relate to things in the rest of the season so far. We hear that recurring creepy static/interference twice in this episode, once when Father Burroughs reads Genesis 4:14 (after opening his Bible to Luke, no less) and once when “Father Singh” says, “Spiritual pride that has led to quite a fall.” And of course we have another appearance of creepy eyes: “the church’s large round window shifted as I watched, as though it were a tremendous eye that were turning to focus upon me.” The eye and the staticky voice tie these events to many others from the first half of this season, including a few times when reality itself seems to have been affected, rather than just people’s perception of it.

There were two Bible passages referenced in this episode. The second was Mark 9:14-19, which appears to be a pretty straightforward reference to Father Burroughs’ situation, as that passage tells the story of a boy “who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech” (NIV). But the first, as mentioned in the paragraph above, was Genesis 4:14: “Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the Earth, and from they face shall I be hid. And I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the Earth, and it shall come to pass that everyone that findeth me shall slay me.” And the writing around it seemed to swirl and was “obscured by dark stains”. This is obviously significant, given the static and the unexplained stains and the fact that this verse is actually quoted in the text (unlike the passage from Mark also in this episode, which was referenced but not quoted). But I can’t figure out the significance of this verse. Cain says the text of this verse to God after God banishes him for killing Abel. Cain is more or less saying that his punishment is too much to bear and that he fears for his life, presumably from others who will surely be angry about him killing Abel. The only possible parallel I can see between Cain and Father Burroughs is that they’re both cut off from God. If there’s anything more to this verse, I’m not getting it.

I’ve also been wondering about the various figures Father Burroughs sees throughout this hallucination. He sees shadowy figures along the street that “were always gone when I approached” - and then there were the parishioners in the pews at the “service”. Were the shadow figures the parishioners? Or were the shadow figures actual, real people, and his inability to reach them just a reflection of how trapped in this hallucination he was? And why did the parishioners come and go like that? Why were they leaving before the “service” was over? If they were real people then I think they had to have been members of the People’s Church of the Divine Host (episode 9). I just feel like there was something else going on at the “service” that Father Burroughs wasn’t privy to.

At the end of the episode, Jonathan calls attention to the man who met Father Burroughs at the Oratory door: “the altar server he described seems out of place with most of his other delusions, in that he appeared to have active agency.” We aren’t given much of a description of the “altar server” - he is tall, pale, and has thin, bony arms. None of that rings any particular bells (haha) to me, but I guess I’ll be on the lookout for a tall, pale guy with thin, bony arms. *shrugs*

“Cause of death was listed as blood loss from multiple lacerations all over their legs and torso, as well as removal of both their faces with a sharp blade, possibly a scalpel.” However, no tools or weapons were found at the scene, and “at no point did he perform any actions that might be analogous with the binding and actual murder of the students,” leading Jonathan to believe a second person was there. HMMM. I WONDER WHO THAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

The cause of death is very unusual, though, when you consider it from a real-world standpoint. It’s pretty easy to die of blood loss if, say, your carotid or jugular is cut. But lacerations on the legs and torso? Those lacerations would have to be extensive to cause fatal blood loss. It just doesn’t sit right with me - and it reminds me of another death we heard about previously. In episode 8, Ivo Lensik says his father was found dead in his study “with deep gouges along his wrists and arms”, and the coroner couldn’t identify the tool used on his arms. Robert Montauk (episode 9) also bled out, but that was after being stabbed 47 times, so it’s similar but not quite the same. The common threads I’m seeing in all three deaths are (a) cause of death being blood loss and (b) the idea that someone committed the murder who was not known to be there at the time.

Coincidentally, Father Burroughs was imprisoned at Wakefield Prison, the same place where Robert Montauk died a few years prior. I thought something might be up with that prison, so I did a quick search and apparently it’s a high-security prison for those who’ve committed crimes such as murder, rape, armed robbery, and kidnapping (Wikipedia). So there may not be any kind of supernatural connection there, but now I’m wondering if we’re going to get statements from or about anyone else in that prison.

One last observation. The sickly yellow color seen so many times in episode 18 made two appearances in this episode. Father Burroughs describes the parishioners at the “service” as having “fevered, jaundiced yellow” skin, and the stole that Mystery Altar Server gave Father Burroughs was “a pale, sickly yellow.” Oh, and that stole from Father Burroughs’ fever dream? An identical real one was delivered to the Oratory a few days prior to these events by Breekon and Hope Deliveries. And it must have been one of their last deliveries, since they liquidated some time in 2009, the year these events occurred.

Curiouser and curiouser...

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

#personal #liveblogging #is this liveblogging?#The Magnus Archives #Bartleby the Scrivener #I'm tagging that in the hopes that some poor soul looking for help or commiseration on their high school English reading assignment #sees this post and is like 'what. pray tell. the fuck'

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dolly-decadatia · 4 years

Text

Notes 12/1/20 s.c book

Incorporate altered consciousness into practice as soon as I move to Nevada.

Reach state of ecstasy during rites- incorporate Invocation of Lust rite from LaVey?

Eww so much gender binary bullshit... kind of toying with the idea of pop culture paganism using Spike and Drusilla but grossed out by the gender binary and heteronormativity of the god and goddess and I don’t want that ickiness all over my comfort characters. Something to ponder further.

Reincarnation is brought up. Not sure how I feel about that either. This all made so much more sense to me when I was like 12.

Magic is the practice of moving natural energies to effect needed change.

I’m like 2 pages in and he’s annoying me already. I was definitely remembering Scott Cunningham with a nostalgia lens.

Next chapter is The Deities. Skipping this completely.

Chap 3 Magic:

2 main sources of energy: personal power, earth power.

Personal power- is the life force that sustains our earthly existences. We absorb energy from the moon and sun, from water and food. We release it during movement, exercise, and sex. Even exhaling releases some power, though we recoup the loss through inhaling. In Magic, personal power is aroused, infused with a specific purpose, and directed toward its goal.

Earth power- is that which resides within your planets and in it’s natural products. Stones, trees, wind, flames, water, crystals, and scents all possess unique, specific powers that can be used during magical ritual.

No matter the magical system, personal power must be infused with the need and then released.

I am more than comfortable incorporating negative Magic in my practice. Scott is super judgmental and priggish and I am not feeling his sanctimonious ranting on the topic.

You don’t need elaborate rites every-time. If nothing else, light a candle, settle down before it and concentrate on your magical need. Trust yourself.

Chap 4 tools

The broom- oh lawd he really thinks there were Wiccans during the burning times before Gardner was born. I can’t with him....

Anyway the broom is used for spiritual cleansing (don’t let the bristles touch the ground). Visualize the broom sweeping out the astral buildup that occurs where humans live. This purifies the area to allow smoother ritual workings. Since it is a purifier, the broom is linked with the element of water. Thus it is also used in all types of water spells including those of love and psychic workings. To make your own broom the classic formula is a ash staff, birch twigs, and a willow binding. The ash is protective and the birch is purifying. The willow is religious and therefore non applicable. A tiny broom of pine needles can also be used. There are many old spells involving brooms 🧹. In general the 🧹 is a purificatory and protective instrument used to ritually cleanse the area for Magic or to guard a home by laying in across the threshold, and under the bed, in windowsills, or on doors 🚪.

I personally like cinnamon brooms 🧹. I used to customize them for the sabbaths when I was Wiccan with colored ribbon and sprigs of the appropriate herbs or flowers. I miss doing that.

The wand:

Instrument of invocation. Also used to direct energy, draw magical 🧙‍♂️ symbols or a circle ⭕️ on the ground, to point towards danger ⚠️ while perfectly balanced on a witch’s hand ✋ or even stir a brew in a cauldron. The wand represents the element of air.

Traditional woods used for wand: willow, elder, oak, apple, peach, hazel, cherry 🍒 and more.

Can even use a wooden dowel and carve and/or paint it.

Crystal can also be used.

Any stick you find will be infused with energy and power.

Censer:

Incense burner. I liked the gold swingy ones because they remind me of Spike but I’m uncomfortable with the concept of a breeding pair of deities and don’t want to taint spike and Dru by pigeon holing them into those gross roles. Really really like that censer though... will have to ponder.

When no specific incense is called for in rituals and spells, use your own intuition and creativity in determining which blend to use.

Spirits can be called to appear in visible form in the smoke rising from the censer. He said “command” which seems rude and I don’t vibe with bullying spirits. I want to be their friends. He also said this is not a part of Wicca. I’m not Wiccan sooooo. C’mon incense ghosties. It’s party time at my place .

Sitting while breathing slowly and watching the smoke can be an entrancing act, and you might slip into an alternate state of consciousness.

Cauldron- ancient vessel of cooking and brew making, steeped in magical tradition and mystery. (Grain of salt- he’s talking about Wicca which is not ancient at all.) the cauldron is the container in which magical transformations occur; the sea of primeval creation. The cauldron is often a focal point of ritual. During spring rites it is often filled with fresh water 💧 and flowers 💐; during winter ❄️ a fire 🔥 may be kindled within the cauldron but the reasoning behind this is very religious so.....

The cauldron should be should be iron, resting on 3 legs, with its opening smaller than its widest part. It can be used for scrying by filling it with water and gazing into it.

Athame:

Used for directing energy not cutting. Often dull, usually double-edged with a black handle because black absorbs power. When the athame is used in ritual a bit of energy gets stored in the handle for later use. A sword can be used (like in Church of Satan rituals) if space permits. My trailer is so small it’s tempting to temporarily use a pocket knife until I move 😂. Scott says knives are phallic but pre op trans men aren’t shaped like knives. Coming out has really opened my eyes to how bullshitty concepts of yonic or phallic are. Not feeling it.

Bolline -

White handled practical working knife you actual use as a knife unlike the athame.

Crystal sphere- used for divination. They remind me of Dru because anything psychic does but like I said- I don’t want to disrespect Drusilla by show horning her into the Wiccan idea of goddess. Can be used to store energy or receive messages. Periodic exposure to moonlight, or rubbing the crystal with fresh mugwort will increase its ability to spark our psychic powers. It may be the center of full moon 🌕 rituals.

Cup- simply a cauldron on a stem. Scott calls it a fertility symbol. Gross. Not in my practice. Contains ritual beverage imbibed during ritual. I need to decide what my liquid will be. It was cranberry juice when I was a teen witch, wine as an adult, and Jack Daniels when I was a pop culture pagan (for spike). Cup can be any substance. I have an awesome baphomet goblet in the storage unit I can use. I still love satanic imagery.

Pentacle- Wiccan specific. Non applicable.

Book of shadows- can be handwritten or digital. Ideally rites should be memorized which is daunting with my learning disability and memory issues brought on by depression but I’ll try.

Bell-

Ritual instrument of incredible antiquity. (Source needed on that, Scott). Ringing a bell unleashes vibrations that have powerful effects according to its volume, tone, and material of construction. Also rung to to ward off evil spirits (what does he mean by that? Let’s not be frigging fluffbunnies) to halt storms or evoke good energies. Placed in cupboards or hung on the door, it guards the home. Bells are sometimes rung in ritual to mark various sections and signal a spell’s beginning or end.

As you collect each tool, you can prepare it for ritual. If old, it should be stripped of all associations and energies; you don’t know who owned the tool or what purposes it may have been used for. To begin this process, clean the tool physically using the appropriate method. When the object is clean and dry, bury it in the earth or a bowlful of sand or salt for a few days, allowing the energies to disperse. An alternate method involves plunging the tool into the sea, river, lake, or even your own bathtub 🛁 after purifying the 💦 by adding a few pinches of salt 🧂.

Use common sense and don’t wreck your tool with water or salt if the material would get wrecked.

After a few days dig up the tool, wipe it clean, and it is ready for magic 🪄. If you use the 💦 method, leave the object submerged for a few hours, then dry it.

There are consecration ceremonies later In the book. Use common sense and edit them as needed to make them non secular or hunt on tumblr for alternate methods.

#atheist witch #secular witchcraft #witch journey #pop culture paganism #ex wiccan

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