#tldr: wanted to do it for a while then in a moment of my ADHD clicking into place with my autism i typed it out in an hour or so

[crazyw3irdo]

hi, I just want to ask; What compelled you to make that Romeo and Juliet quiz

i’d wanted to make a r&j personality quiz for a bit- hell, when i opened uquiz to make it i realized i already had a drafted version saved over a year ago, but it had no questions, just the title. i considered making it like, a normal quiz, but… i didn’t think anyone would really get it y’know? it’d probably be seen by a couple people, be just some random quiz, and everyone would move on.

i love romeo and juliet, and i want other people to too. if i made it normal, only people who already liked it would get it. i reblogged my original post with some tags of people reacting to it pretty quick too, to try and show yknow, it’s more than what it says on the tin, because i figured if i’m some random person whose only understanding of r&j is pop culture stuff, i’m not gonna click on a personality quiz for it. there’s only like, two characters anyone knows, and unfortunately the common perception of them is just stupid teenagers.

thing is, i had no ideas for questions for a while. none at all. the other day, though, i remembered that post circulating that was a screenshot of a quiz someone made where, iirc, the question was “you are orpheus” and the only option was “turn around.” and the idea popped into my head immediately for “do you believe in free will” with the only option being “no.” going only off that idea i rode the hyperfixation and created that quiz! i made the questions in whatever order and then rearranged them so that they got… for lack of a better term, worse as they went on.

oh, and two things i haven’t yet mentioned! first off, i was gonna include an obligatory song lyric question at first, but uh… i could only come up with two answers lol. they were “it ain’t about all the friends you made but the graffiti they write on your grave” for mercutio and “raised in the city in the halo of lights product of war and fear that we’ve been victimized” for tybalt.

the other thing is uh. i thought the quiz was funny lol. like some heavy themes and stuff but the free will question was hilarious to me lol. idk ive just… never really been bothered by whether it’s A Thing or not? the way i see it is: if we have it, then great! we can do whatever! if we don’t have it, then whatever! we’ll be doing stuff anyways! as for the character descriptions and things, i literally was just describing the characters in second person and changing some things to be more generic (i.e. changing “she” to “they” in the nurse’s description so that instead of referring to juliet it could be about anyone)

[deezneezz]

Leona & ADD

I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!

Anyway, Leona and ADD.

I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).

He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.

Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.

I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.

I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.

She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.

Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers

book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.

"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.

"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.

Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...

Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...

TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.

[suzyandthefox]

Clarification, Apologies,A word for the community, and Blog Updates..

On 31st of July, around a week ago, A situation involving some users, myself included, happened, causing me to go on a temporary hiatus for a week, as it was handled indelicately and caused a lot of harm to users who never asked to be a part of it.

For the sake of privacy and not stirring the pot again, I will not name any of the users.

I should clarify that English is not my first language, so there might be grammatical mistakes in this.

TLDR: I was careless and I reblogged from NSFW blogs not knowing they were NSFW blogs, causing harassment to other members of the community. I have deleted these reblogs and I decided to not reblog anything on this blog for the safety of everyone.

Elaboration under break:

It started when an user, who I will not name, made a callout post about me. They screenshotted reblogs I made, and while I still believe that that user fully intended to cause drama instead of addressing any real issue, they were right in calling my mistakes out.

Throughout several months, I have reblogged from NSFW accs, even though I have a bold NSFW DNI on the top of my blog. I have also reblogged from an MDNI account multiple times despite having minors on my blog, endangering both parties.

I have since blocked these accounts and deleted these reblogs. However,that doesn't undo the damage I already did.

I know I have problems with many social skills, like social cues and etiquette. I do have Autism and ADHD after all. This led to, when I was reblogging things that I found cool, me accidentally missing many of the signs that most would have seen. I didn't realize what was happening until someone told me.

At the moment of the discourse, this blog had 194 followers (202 as I write this). In any other social media platform, this number means you're basically invisible, and so that's the logic I went with. I thought nobody saw this blog so I was lenient with my content, treating this blog as my personal shitposting place.

However, after this discourse,I realized that I am being seen on Tumblr. That unfortunately was at the cost of accidentally hurting innocent users who never asked to be a part of this, along with ruining my mental health for a while.

There have been kind hearted users who defended me, and users who told me that I am being looked up to and that I am a well respected member of the community, which is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

What I am trying to say is, I fucked up. Badly. Yet despite that, the community has given me a second chance, proven by the fact that I wasn't blocked or unfollowed (Quite the opposite actually)

I now understand the responsibility that I have and that I need to be very careful with what I post, especially since I have made the choice to let minors interact with this blog. I now understand I must look after them because of that.

I apologize so much for everyone that has been hurt by this. I won't ask for forgiveness. I only ask that everyone knows that I have acknowledged my mistakes and I promise to better myself in the future.

I am a human and I make mistakes, please don't ever be afraid to tell me when I do something wrong. (Tell me, by messaging or commenting. Please not by making a call out post on me, since this has proven to hurt more than help others.)

I made this blog to be a safe place to enjoy a certain trope without getting hurt, and I want to live up to that. For the safety of everyone, me included, I will make some changes to this blog.

Changes:

1: No more reblogs

This blog was handled indelicately, and unprofessionally, and I decided that I will change that, I will make this blog into an Art/Writing blog first and foremost, With prompt posts being a second priority.

The only exception to this will be fanworks or fanfics or things that are directly made for me/things I am mentioned in, I will tag them accordingly depending on content.

2: This blog is now +16

Yes, I interacted with users younger than 16 before, Yes,I have followers who are less than 16. I have thought about it deeply and I realized that for the sake of not hurting anyone, and if I wanted to be more comfortable around this blog, then I need to keep people who are slightly closer to my age range, Instead of censoring myself,

that's because I have taken a liking to (Nonsexual) fatal vore and gore, I want to make similar content in the future, as well as other darker topics.

I will not block anyone who is younger than 16, but I will not directly interact with you anymore, even if I'm not responsible for your actions, it's just to be safe.

Now I need to make some things clear:

I am not a minor so I can interact with MDNI blogs and they can interact if they wish to. As long as they're SFW

But, again, I will not reblog from them for the safety of those who are minors following my blog.

Vore is nonsexual for me and I don't want my work to be sexualised, especially because I depict myself in it.

I have absolutely nothing against people who are into it sexually, I just don't want my work in these circles.

I can't control how my work is perceived and where it goes, however my blog is SFW (In the sense that there's nothing graphic or sexual on it), meant for people who are also interested in that content, and so I don't want to see people who think it's “hot” here.

I am not responsible for anyone's actions on this blog, I am not responsible for people who find my content weird or sexual or whatever,I am not responsible for the minors on this blog, I am not responsible for my mutuals, I am only responsible for my own actions.

This community has been extremely supportive of me, and there have been people who comforted me during this whole situation, without them I probably would've deleted my blog from sheer panic.

I owe these people my life, thank you so much for being on my side.

I hope that one day, my blog can be a source of comfort too.

Thank you for reading and I hope you guys have a wonderful day!

[sailor-aviator]

I don't know how to formulate this question without make it seem like a critic or attack, it isn't and I'll still come as an asshole,but all these stories (or most of them) are gonna be on hiatus in the next months, right? Like, you said you are gonna be busy and won't have time to write, it's more than understandable cause you have a life and a job and writing is a hobby, no question, but you keep starting all these stories that it's starting to be confusing.

Valid question.

I’m not planning on anything really being in hiatus (I need to go and change my masterlist to reflect that, I just keep forgetting). Yeah, I’m gonna be a tad busier than I am now with my job and stuff, but I’m kind of trying to find a system that works for me which is probably why things are so confusing 😅

Basically, as things stand right now, I’m taking everything off hiatus and I’m gonna update whatever story strikes me at the moment. Yeah, I have a lot of WIPs at the moment but if I’m not updating something, then I have another thing to go to. That way nothing end up feeling like a chore to update and the updates are good instead of forced and lackluster. Does that mean some fics may go a couple of weeks without getting updated while I work on some other stuff? Yeah, but they’re going to get an update.

(This next bit is in now way directed at you, it’s just a thought I’ve discussed with others)

I think we as fic readers tend to forget sometimes that daily/weekly updates are not necessarily the norm. I know authors who update every 2-3 months with ten different WIPs active and that used to be the normal. I’m talking, you don’t know what they’re going to update and you’re lucky if they update every 2-3 months on multi-chapter fics.

I am absolutely not someone who can ignore an idea. A lot of the time, if I start a WIP, it’s because it’s been on my mind for a WHILE. Like The Horrors in the Wild has been a brain child for five years and I decided to work it as a fic to see how it does in that context. It will more than likely be placed on the back burner for a little while just based off of initial engagement. That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna write it later, but I also like to see what you guys want to read.

Anyway, my prime focuses at the moment are probably HBAM, SLM, and MMATS. MMATS is actually almost finished, and I’ve been trying to flesh out some of the plot points for SLM, but I wanted to get something out for y’all, hence the “early” release of HBAM. Once I finish MMATS, I’ll probably shift focus back to TTSCA so I’m working on a fic for each guy.

I know I rambled near the end there, but does that make sense? TLDR; ADHD brain is confusing me too and I’d rather give you guys something than nothing, but can stop if it’s too confusing

Edit to add on: I also do this with other hobbies, this isn’t exclusive to writing lol my brain jumps all over the place and back in vicious cycles

[isa-ghost]

About how much time a day, or a week do you spend on writing your fic?

Cause I've been reading fics for years, but haven't started writing until relatively recently. I always knew in the back of my head that it took time to write and come up with the stories, but until recently I hadn't even begun to actually understand the time and energy it actually takes to write a fic. both short and long ones.

Now that I've started to think more about it, it would probably benefit fandom spaces a lot to more widely aknowledge the time it takes. It could probably help with the consumeconsumeconsume mindset of fancreations that I know that I've had, and that are present in a lot of fandoms, especially bigger ones

100% that last part, yeah.

See, for me it's even more complicated because not only am I squeezing writing between irl obligations like class, homework, work, family dinner, sleep, etc.

But I also have ADHD, so I'm battling my attention span and the temptations of my hyperfixations, as well as keeping up with my friends, fandom spaces, etc. I don't want to neglect any of those.

But focus is very difficult when I don't have absolutely nothing going on, which means I often need to shut everything completely out (which can take a lot of self control). I'll vanish on my friends and social media for hours, but still pause here and there to catch up on what I've missed for a short while before returning to writing because I HATE falling deep out of the loop and having a lot to catch up on is overwhelming. On top of that, how easily words are flowing and such also impacts how much or how long I write.

So I don't know if I have a simple or precise answer as to how long. But nonetheless, it's HOURS.

So far, for the 4 chapters that are published, I've sat down multiple days in a row OR every other day if I have time-consuming irl obligations, and written as much as I could before something depleted my motivation or I reached a good stopping point. Lately that's amounted to 1-5 paragraphs depending on the scene I'm at.

If it's something my plot plan has left more open-ended, it can take hours for me to work out how exactly I want to get to the next plot point. The Ch 3 Pissa date and stretching out the Ch 4 Eggza day was MISERABLE /lh because it was super open-ended since I wanted to give myself room to improvise, I don't like rigidly over-planning things bc a lot of the fun in writing is filling blanks between points. I get some AWESOME ideas in the moment thar aren't initially planned in my plot. For example, the foreshadowing I included in the Ch 2 nightmare where he hears Missa scream? If you check my post of my plan after I published the chapter, I pulled that out of my ass. It was originally just supposed to be a nightmare where he could hear Fit, Etoiles & Missa yelling to each other. I never planned for him to hear what's implied to be Missa injured.

But even though improvising is important (and required at some points of AMFMN), it's kinda hard to sit down and think of what to do with those parts when your hyperfixation streamer streams 3 days a week and on the days he doesn't, you have class + other things to do + other streams you refuse to miss + friends + etc etc etc and therefore you don't have a perfect distraction-free time to just go ham.

It takes a lot of self-discipline and control to not engage with stuff so I can focus on writing. And even still, depending on how cooperative my brain is that day, that can still be hours of writing.

Generally I try to chip away at least 3 paragraphs or get from one plot point to the next per day until the chapter is finished.

So TLDR; I spend hours a day, which totals to even more hours a week, working on a chapter.

It's equal parts because I get in the zone with writing and smash out a huge amount of the plot points planned for the chapter, OR I'm struggling with flow/attention span/a bunch of other things.

Due to my schedule, Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays are usually the best days for me to write. But even still, I have class Tuesday until close to noon, possibly other streams (curse you Sneeg and Fit /lh), work every other Saturday, family daily routine things like dinner, and the occasional plans with irl friends.

So uh. I do be battling the horrors sometimes to get chapters out. But now that Phil is finally possessed, I have a feeling I'll be breezing through things easier. I know a lot of what's happening next and I'm a whore for the drama. :3c

You have NO IDEA how much watching people scream and lose their minds over crumbs and currently published chapters motivates me. I'm so fucking excited for late game fic. Like Chapter 9 onwards. Ohohohough

[vmoondev]

I Like Games that Waste my Time

Red Dead Redemption 2, Death Stranding, Skyrim with way too many mods, etc.

Make me walk, make me sit through a 4 second collecting animation, make me stop and think about where I am going and what I am doing. The time spent reflecting during these quiet moments is much more important to me then 200 climbable watchtowers, or twenty camps that can be cleared out in the span of a few hours.

Sure, I don't hey repetitious gameplay loops where you engage in the same activity over and over at a fairly rapid pace, but I find they don't stick with me as long as those slow experiences. If I get in a massive fight and have at least 2 minutes to think about what just happened, there is some level of reflection. However, if the fight is followed in 30 seconds by another fight, I tend to find those encounters less memorable.

I want to think about those encounters and what they mean to me. What is my place in this world? What is my impact? Something more akin to the immersive sims of the past e.g. (Deus Ex).

I like feeling like a take up some amount of space and the world runs regardless of me. Sitting alone next to a campfire waiting for the morning is relaxing; even in a digital space. While Red Dead Redemption 2 is no immersive sim (though I really wish it was), I get lost in those moments between the story beats. Losing a friend in a violent gun battle and sometime after that taking a minute to ride down the road and reflect; maybe even get out near the water and fish for bass while I think about everything that has happened. Most people did not like the Guarma section of Red Dead Redemption 2, and I agree. For me Guarma was the epitome of go here do this gameplay; there was no room to breathe or think. No time to ruminate on everything that was happening in that moment. I believe that breathing room was essential to the core experience of the game.

Ultimately, this is a really long post that is saying; game designers, please waste my time if your world is worth seeing, I don't want to fast travel between all the care and effort you put into it.

TLDR: I like being bored and video games are adhd bait :>

[infernal-house-demon]

I have been writing nearly every day without fail. Since starting my current wip in February, I have written two instalments in what will be a four (or potentially five) book series. The word count of those two books is a little more than the whole hunger games trilogy combined.

People keep asking me how I am doing this. I truly don’t know. I think it’s a bunch of things converging together?

Tldr: emerge from years long burnout, be autistic with storytelling special interest, get medicated for your adhd, take care of yourself— oh, and actual writing advice like build a routine, engage critically with other media, don’t be your own worst critic until you reach the editing stage, write something you genuinely like, and you don’t have to have it figured out from the top. Writing is literally just making shit up and making more shit up to justify it. Now go write my beautiful darlings!

Writing regularly. Getting in the habit of doing it makes it easier to start every time. I’ve been lucky to have a lot of time on my hands recently so I’ve been able to get a lot accomplished.

Not giving a shit if it’s good. I don’t mean write garbage. You should still like and enjoy it. But don’t agonize over every detail. If you can’t think of how to describe something perfectly, do what you can and move on. Writing is for getting the ideas down. Editing is for polish. Make something you like but don’t pressure yourself to make it perfect. (If it makes you feel better, my editor pointed out I completely forgot to describe several of the main characters. Sometimes when you write a scene it’s just dialogue and vibes. You’ll fix it later.)

If you try to build out every detail of the world before you start, you’ll never start. Get place names and important details and customs down, then make shit up as you go along. Remember of course that you will then have to write within the confines of that shit, but don’t worry, you can always make changes! That’s the beauty of editing. (Editor me is so bad for the amount of work I give them, but that’s their job so 🤷🏻)

If you have a really clear idea of a scene, write it immediately! For the most part, I do like to write linearly, but if I have ideas for scenes or snippets of dialogue, I will write them all down right away. Then you’re not slogging through anything just to get to that scene you really want to write. This is especially helpful if you’re writing a series and the scene is very far away. Write it now.

Have a cutting room floor document! I can’t tell you how many times I had to cut things that didn't serve the plot in the moment only for them to fit perfectly into future instalments! It hurts to cut stuff you feel is really good, so keep it! You might use it later!

The rest of these are about to get very specific to me but they are what is genuinely part of what has helped

Take a big long break from your creative hobbies. After i graduated uni, i was thoroughly burnt out. I stopped painting, I didn't write often (only the occasional fic bc it was easier on my brain). I will say writing fanfic was a big help because it gave me an idea of the character dynamics, themes, and plot points I most enjoyed writing. Then I translated all of that into my current wip. But the point of this is not to push yourself if you feel burnt out. Take what opportunities you can to rest and leave your hobbies behind for a while if that's what you need. They will be there waiting for you. I spent a solid year and a half doing almost nothing. Most of my creative energy went into digital art, and even then i wasn't creating frequently. It's okay. You need the rest.

Get medicated for adhd. Obviously this is very me-specific but I realized I had undiagnosed adhd. I had actually been given meds to try in the past but the side effects were too strong. Finally, i went back to my doctor and he helped me figure out a new one to try plus dosage and all that (I know I'm lucky that i have a good doc). The one I'm on now gives me minimal side effects and really helps my motivation and energy.

Take care of your body first. Before I could emerge from burnout and get my super creativity boost I put in a lot of work on my health. I have chronic pain, so learning what helped and what didn't has been really important. Things like fixing my sleep schedule, making sure to eat regularly, listening to my body's needs were all things I had to do before I could get into a space where I felt up to creating. (I am still working on this one. It isn't easy and I am in pain every day. Sometimes that means no writing and that's fine. Wellbeing comes first.)

Be autistic and have storytelling be your special interest. Idk what to tell you about this one. I am autistic and I have always been fascinated by creating stories, why we tell stories, the stories that have lasting impact in our lives, etc. I did my undergrad in English and my upcoming masters program is in Anthropology where i plan to write my thesis on mythology. So, uh, get yourself an autistic special interest and let it fuel your writing.

Okay that was gonna be the last one but I just remembered a really important one. CONSUME OTHER MEDIA! A lot of people will tell you to read in order to write better, and that's 100% true. But like I said, I was in burnout after I graduated, and having read so much in my English degree, I did not want to look at another book ever again. I read maybe like 3 books in the last two years (it was the Lord of the Rings Trilogy which I have already read and I was in lotr hyperfixation mode). But engaging critically with any media will help you improve your own skills. Read a book, read some poetry, watch a show your friend recommended, listen to a podcast on a topic that interests you, listen to an audiobook, whatever! Then think about it and ask yourself what works and what doesn't. Then ask yourself why it does or doesn't work. Is it just a matter of preference? Or is it the word choice, the rhythm of the punctuation, the structure, the character arcs and voices. I have read a lot of poetry in the last couple years bc it tends to be shorter and gives my brain that quick hit my adhd loves. And I promise you it not only made me a better poet, but also helped my description in prose.

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. I'd love to do another post about my inspirations/recommendations of media. But I'll do that later. I hope this is vaguely helpful to anyone, and if not, oh well! I had fun coming up with it.

[liminalcipher]

Hey everyone! Long time no see. I'm back!😄

Something I've been working on for a while now is pixel art (as you can maybe tell). I'll make a bigger update when I'm ready to show off more things, but... Sea of Graves will be a pixel game!

Nothing about the story changes!

You'll be able to experience the story in a more visual way. That had been my plan for this game all along as it had been intended to be a VN, but things didn't work out that way. Losing the artist had been devastating and for a long time, I felt very lost and unsure of how to proceed with things.

The IF was always supposed to be a pre-demo demo of sorts, and I had considered continuing it as such, but there's so much I want to do that I wasn't sure how to within an IF.

And without the visual element as support, it had been difficult for me not to confuse myself and get a bit lost and overwhelmed. Which may be in part due to ADHD or whatever, who knows.

I decided to try my hand at pixel art, to see if that was something I could do, and from that moment on I've been drawing non-stop every day to get everything ready.

Much respect to all the people out there who create these amazingly detailed IF's with lots of branching! It's incredible what they're able to do. Y'all are impressive!

The GUI is not far from being done. And I've been working on the tiles and objects for what you'll see in the demo. I'll be updating the game page at some point (hopefully soon). I've also been contemplating the possibility of there being more romance options added, though that decision hasn't been made one way or the other as of yet.

And finally, here's a little sneak peek of what I've been up to. Still adding more details to various things as well as drawing new ones, but it's all coming along! And I'm really excited to show you more!

I hope you'll like what I've done, I'm still relatively new to pixel art so there's still plenty of things for me to learn but it's been a lot of fun 😊

TLDR; Sea of Graves will be a pixel game, you'll be able to wander around Hazelwood, (maybe, if you want) find love there, (maybe) find death, or maybe some ghosts. Nothing about the story itself changes, you'll just get more visuals!

[themardlonk]

I just finished reading the books and I've come to the conclusion that I actually really like that Sam married Rosie and Frodo left? 

Before reading the books, the ending to ROTK used to lowkey upset me, because Sam and Frodo love tf out of each other! But Frodo leaves and Sam stays behind to get married to someone we don't know and is happy in the Shire without Frodo?? It bugged me. But after reading the books, I've come to the realization that in order for them to get the happy endings they deserve, Frodo needs to leave and Sam needs to stay. And Sam's life with Rosie is essential to his happy ending and completed character arc and is entirely separate from Frodo and Sam's love for one another. The reasons behind why I think their endings are perfect for them have to do with autonomy and the difference between choices made selflessly vs. choices made in self interest.

TLDR; Frodo and Sam’s endings are perfect for them (imo) because they get to choose them for themselves. Both hobbits spend the entire trilogy sacrificing everything they are for the Good of Middle Earth. Frodo leaving is The Good Ending for him because he is suffering the traumatic effects of the Ring; Frodo isn’t happy in the Shire and chooses an adventure of his own to Valinor so that he can heal. Sam staying and getting married and becoming part of the community is The Good Ending for him because he is invested in the Shire; from the moment he returns to the Shire, he chooses to pour his time and love into its restoration and abundance. Sam is a gardener and he chooses the Shire because it brings him happiness, but Frodo can’t find happiness there and so chooses to leave because that’s what’s best for him. (And then eventually, after Sam’s lived his happy ending in the Shire, he sails to Valinor to live with Frodo, and they both get that happy ending, too.)

There’s a little mini essay on Frodo and Sam that I put under the cut because it’s just me rambling, but if I didn’t make my reasoning clear enough above, it might clear it up. (Forewarning: These notes are probably uncoordinated af, because they were jotted down in my phone while I sat on the floor of my kitchen for 3 hours in a feverish ADHD-med-fueled determination to wrap my head around the LOTR ending.)

Frodo and Sam have the same goal (destroy the Ring), but their jobs differ. Frodo is tasked with the actual job of carrying the Ring (the metaphorical weight of the world) to Mordor. On top of physical, Frodo suffers through enormous mental and spiritual anguish to complete this task. Sam, meanwhile is tasked with protecting the Ring Bearer, and every decision he makes is in Frodo's best interest before anything else. He handles the Ring very little and his suffering is mainly physical, but he spends the entire time as Frodo's second, and defers to Frodo's choices and well-being above his own the entire time.

When they return home to the Shire, of the two of them, it's Sam who takes the lead in the resistance against Saruman. Afterward, it's Sam who spreads the dirt and plants the mallorn from Galadriel. It's Sam who takes an active role in saving and restoring the Shire. Of the four hobbits, I noticed that Frodo seems to be the one most affected by the Scouring of the Shire. While they're all affected, Frodo is the only one who doesn't actively start rallying troops and planning attacks. Instead, he takes on advisory duties and then withdraws as soon as he is able.

All four hobbits come back physically changed, but the book makes it pretty plain that on top of this, Frodo is also experiencing chronic PTSD, depression, and withdrawal from the Ring. Frodo isn't completely present in his life because he's trying to cope. He tries to be there for Sam, he even lets Sam and Rosie move in with him after they marry, but on the whole, Frodo is really, really sick.

Sam explicitly states that he loves Frodo, and he tries to be there for Frodo through Frodo's sickness. But unlike the trek to Mordor, there's really only so much Sam can do for him. I think Frodo is aware of this, and it's why he encourages Sam to actively pursue happiness (Rosie, a home, a family, social standing, etc.). Frodo loves Sam and wants him to have the happy ending that Sam wants, but Frodo can only give so much of himself as he is currently. Sam is in love with the Shire, but Frodo's happy ending isn't in the Shire. He's not happy there, and Sam is. Frodo can't give Sam what he needs, and vice versa. They have a conversation about this in "The Grey Havens" chapter. Frodo asks if Sam would be willing to travel with him, and Sam says of course, but that he can't go too far from the Shire. They love each other, but their needs are different, now. Frodo needs help with trauma recovery, and he can't stay in the Shire, but he's also not going to ask Sam to leave it behind to be with him while he recovers. Frodo doesn't need Sam to go with him, and he actually kinda needs to do this himself. And it's really important to Sam's character arc that Sam says he wants to stay.

Sam's life with Rosie is essential to his happy ending and completed character arc. Sam spends the entirety of the books looking after Frodo, caring for him, risking his life for him, and making sure they both go "There and Back Again." For 15(ish) months, Sam is on constant Frodo Protection Duty, and looking at how Sam addresses him and treats him beforehand and during the journey, Sam has honestly probably deferred to Frodo his entire life. But in order for Sam to really complete his character arc, he needs to choose his future for himself. When they get back to the Shire, he begins the process of self actualization, and Frodo helps it along. On the topic of Rosie, it doesn't matter that Sam marries HER necessarily, but it does matter that he settles down and gets to live a quiet life of gardening and family and community, because that's what he WANTS. And it's important that he himself chooses it, independently of anyone else's well-being.

For Frodo, it's both very similar and the exact opposite. He spends the journey to Mount Doom inside his head, facing things he can't physically fight, and he has to lean on Sam the entire way. Frodo DOES make the choice to take the Ring to Rivendell, and then to Mordor. It could be argued that every step he takes toward Mordor is a choice, but it's never his personal choice. It's a choice between Good and Evil. From the very beginning when Bilbo leaves him the Ring to a year later when he finally returns to the Shire, Frodo's one and only choice is the big picture question: Will you choose Good or Evil? Will you give up, or will you continue to put your mind and body through intense trauma so that your entire world doesn't burn? They're both terrible options, but they're the only ones he's given, and both are detrimental to him personally.

When Frodo returns to the Shire, he could go back to living quietly there for the rest of his life, and he actually does try to do that for a little while. But he has choices available to him now, and it quickly becomes clear to him that he's not happy there. He's been changed so much by the Ring and the experiences he's been through and the wider world around him that his journey can't end in the Shire. It's impossible for him pick up where he left off, because he's not that same hobbit anymore. He's unhappy and unhealthy playing that role, and it would be antithetical to his journey and the opposite of character growth. For Frodo, his happy ending looks like trauma recovery and a kinder adventure that he gets to choose for himself, and that's why Valinor is such a good ending for him.

Before he leaves, Frodo does as much as he can to put the Shire to rights and set Sam up to live his happy ending (he INVITES Sam to live in HIS HOUSE, did I mention that? I love them), and then Frodo leaves for Valinor to heal and find his own happy ending. And he gets it. He does heal, and after he's much recovered, Sam comes to live with him after he himself has lived a full happy life in the Shire.

OTHER (other) THOUGHTS:

(((This ending also makes sense, because if Frodo can't live happily in the Shire after going on a huge journey to save it, SOMEBODY better.)))

I also think it's nice that Sam and Rosie get to be in love, and that Sam is allowed to love multiple people. And I think it's lovely that his love for Frodo is not diminished in any way by his love for Rosie. "You're allowed to love multiple people deeply in your life, and that love is not made lesser because it's being given to multiple people" is SUCH a good message.

[theartsynoodle]

Luz is aware of Amity’s behavior

Ok, so I’m definitely sure people have done this before but it’s fun and I want to write about it so here I go.

I definitely think 2 things right now. 1.) Luz likes Amity, but doesn’t quite understand the feelings yet and 2.) Luz is aware of how Amity has been acting, but doesn’t know why she’s acting that way.

I’ll do point 1 first. What makes me thinks Luz likes Amity is that the girl has a tendency to stare, quite a bit I may add. I first noticed it in Enchanting Grom Fright within the first 5 minutes we get this.

On my first watch of this episode this immediately caught my eye. The way her eyes are wide and mouth slightly agape gives me a lost and fixated look. Not to mention that she looks at Amity like this for multiple seconds, while Amity looks only for a second and then at Willow and Gus. At first I thought, “Well she’s just surprised she ran into her.” but then it gets deeper.

In the woods they are close again, Luz’s hands grabbing Amity’s. Once more, Luz holds this wide eyed and longing look, and she looks unsure, confused. This time, Amity holds the look and it is once again, for multiple seconds before it breaks. I think that this is Luz feeling something, but not knowing at all what it is. She can feel it, but it’s very new to her and can’t quite identify it. At this point I was becoming very aware of what was happening, but the next scene really solidified it for me.

People are excited to see Luz’s big “Oh.” moment and I think we’ve actually seen a smaller “Oh.” moment already.

Amity approaches Luz at Grom and begins to say “You look...nice.” This top image is while she is saying “You look...” The below image is when she says “Nice.”

Look at Luz’s face, look at her eyes and body language. Upon Amity complimenting her, she stands up and back a little, wide-eyed again. She looks like this as soon as Amity says “Nice.” and I think this is where she goes “Oh.” a little in her head. She was not prepared to be complimented by Amity, she looks surprised and honestly, a little scared. It’s the stiffening of her back, the wide eyes and raised eyebrows, she feels something and it puts her off. Now this follows immediately by Amity putting her hands on her shoulder.

Once again, she backs up a little and straightens her back, not knowing what to do with her hands as Amity says “Thank you.” She was already uncertain seconds before and now she completely lost. Amity is someone who has done a complete 180 because of Luz, a wake up call. Their road to friendship was rocky and now they’re already close, but Luz feels strangely. I don’t think I remember seeing Luz this stiff before Amity showed up. It’s really evident in Adventures in the Elements.

I don’t have the screenshots, but Luz was acting very differently in that episode. She felt like she had to lie to Edric, Emira, and Amity about knowing powerful spells because she didn’t want to look weak in front of them, something Luz doesn’t usually do. She is also embarrassed when they’re all at the knee and when Eda eats snow in front of them. Luz is usually never embarrassed by Eda and King, but she was in that episode. She also fumbles around Amity when trying to act casual, like how she slides off that rock in the same episode, like in Lost in Language when she is striking poses to seem impressive to Edric and Emira, and how she knocks books over trying to lean in Lost in Language when Amity walks over to her.

Moving on to the actual content of this ramble, Luz’ staring carries on into the next episode, Wing it Like Witches.

When Amity is talking about her time on the Grudgby team, Luz gives her the same look from Enchanting Grom Fright, wide eyes and agape mouth. She is deeply invested in what Amity has to say, and while you could say its just that, look at how close she gets to her.

Luz scooted over and got really in Amity’s face. She was so lost in what she was saying she unknowingly got close and personal. Luz is feeling things again and is starting to put the pieces together, but gets lost in thought and stares without noticing. Another case of Luz staring is one I haven’t see too many people point out, mostly because it goes by so quickly, even I didn’t really notice it at first.

The reason Luz almost gets hit by this axe is because she’s staring behind her at Amity. Amity is distracting her, which is funny because if Amity wasn’t so focused on Luz not getting sliced in half by this damn thing, she would’ve noticed her and become a mess. The fact she doesn’t even notice the axe and is in a high stakes game and is just, getting easily distracted by her friend is really telling to me.

Don’t even get me started on the touching as well. I’m not getting all those screen caps so I’ll just use this one example that everyone has pointed out.

Luz absolutely did not have to pick up Amity. There are so many other possibilities. Call and wait for healers to come so Amity doesn’t have to move, have someone use magic to help float her or guide her to the office, the most likely of these being having Willow help Luz support Amity and walk her to the nurse’s office, but nope, Luz just picks her up. I’m sure this is Luz living up to her “fearless champion” role and wanting to show off her strength to Amity, but I don’t think she wants to actually admit to herself why she is doing it.

So that’s why I think Luz is interested in Amity, now point 2 is going to be a lot shorter and that is Luz is aware of how Amity has been acting, she just doesn’t understand what it is.

Now I have not personally seen anyone use this screenshot before, but I could be wrong. When Amity fumbles on her words Luz is once again giving her this tense and longing stare, holding her hands up again unsure of what to do with them like in Enchanting Grom Fright.

And after Amity stops talking it’s weirdly... tense.

They stare at each other for a second, and look at Luz’s face. Her eyes are squinted, her back straight and her hands laying slack at her side. you can see the “What?” floating inside her head. She see’s it, Amity see’s Luz seeing it, and it is a tense moment. Luz isn’t stupid, she’s actually extremely smart, there’s just been a lot going on in her life and she is seeing in this moment Amity is acting different. Amity never stumbles over her words and rambles, Luz knows she is precise and calculating, so having Amity act like this in front of her confuses the hell out of her.

She doesn’t think that Amity could have a crush on her, in her mind there’s no way anyone could. Luz comes from a world where she has no friends and is deemed weird and bullied by her classmate, so she doesn’t think anyone is capable of liking her. If Luz even had one confidant in her life, we would’ve heard about them by now, but no, the friends she’s made on the Boiling Isles are the first friends she’s ever had.

Last night, I read a post about how Luz may have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), something that often comes with ADHD (Which I and majority of the fan base believe her to have.) RSD is as quoted  “an intense emotional response caused by the perception that you have disappointed others in your life and that, because of that disappointment, they have withdrawn their love, approval, or respect.” In Understanding Willow, in a moment of feeling weak, Amity snaps at Luz and Luz immediately recoils. Luz is terrified of disappointing people, feeling at fault for all of Agony of a Witch when it was out of her control. Luz doesn’t think that someone could love her like that and it hurts to think about. Luz knows she feels differently about Amity, and notices how Amity acts different around her, but believes that it be narcissistic of her to assume Amity even likes her. It’s the self doubt and years of rejection on Earth that makes it difficult for her to really understand the magnitude of what is going on.

TLDR; 1.) Luz’ has many instances of staring longing at Amity in a confused way that is indicative of her feeling strangely around her.

2.) Because of a screenshot from Wing it Like Witches, Luz’ face tells us she is aware that Amity is acting strange around her, but doesn’t believe it could a crush because of years of bullying on earth and RSD.

[purplehxzed]

usakuma thoughts

because they have replaced my brain. very messy. i will not know what the hell ive said here after i post it. long post under cut

theyre the polar opposite best friends/roommates attract trope. theyre the kind of losers who get together without ever knowing or acknowledging theyre together. usahara would probably worry about what they are to each other during brief moments of contemplation and then go back to being a dumb blonde and forget everything while kumatani probably doesn't give a shit ever

tldr of prev point: stoic sensible character with the only braincell in the group × typical ahoge dumbass GOOD! great, even!

i like them together because kumatani's caring to everyone in the crew (protecting iketeru, supporting uramichi, being kind to utano) but the only one he's mean to is usahara. and we know from his backstory that he's prone to violence when provoked, so like.. think about it... instead of emotional support its stress relief boyfriend. like i know everyone's mean to usahara but it's special when your best friend does it

hc that usahara does actually get kicked out for not paying rent and for all that he says kumatani still lets him stay over but just forces usahara to do the housework in return. true malewife

kumatani is gay and knows he's been attracted to usahara since their college days while usahara gets kuma as his bi awakening sometime later

mutual pining, except kumatani doesn't pine, i think he'd just have accepted that his friendship with usahara would be that way forever and just assume he's straight. kumatani doesn't feel like the kind of person to be distressed about unrequited love. especially if its love for someone as blundering and useless as usahara. sorry usahara. usahara probably panics about his attraction occasionally and then tries really hard to do things well to make kuma happy and impress him but always slips back into his bad habits because his self-control is nonexistent, and kumatani doesn't really show much reaction when he does things either, which discourages him.

bonus hc that usahara has adhd you can't tear this one away from me

we know kuma is attractive to people in general. reliable and intelligent. would make a great partner for anyone. he probably gets a lot of propositions. he turns them all down because he's comfortable with his life as it is. it's not like he's staying with usahara because he's hopelessly in love with him and would be devoted whether or not usahara liked him back, he only stays because their relationship dynamic is one he likes and doesn't mind. he likes that there's no extra effort needed at this point, unlike going out and building a whole new relationship.

well. best friends are special. usakuma have been bffs for years come ON

also the idea of the all-around perfect man who could get anyone going out with the pathetic little weenie no one wants is so cute

i think kumatani definitely does take care of usahara when he needs it, he just makes sure to be honest and blunt with his disapproval each time because his moral compass is so strong. but usahara doesn't really do anything really bad, so he doesn't mind so much since he knows usa is a genuinely good person

the drunk confession trope is so fitting for them..

usahara picks kumatani up on his scooter after he's done fishing and sometimes they go on longer, scenic drives on a whim from usahara. kumatani scolds him for wasting petrol, but not harshly, and they get to slowly drive past the coast at sunset or some shit

bonus hc usahara is good at video games, specifically fpses. he has fast af flicks and good gamesense, but can't strategise much so he dies a lot and gets ranked low despite his technical skill. kumatani probably likes playing handheld console games. he likes rpgs in the same vein as undertale, he would play pokemon (WATER TYPE MAIN. FISH MAIN. FISH), but he also likes beat-em-ups and fighting games.

usahara is alternatively a clingy sleeper and a starfish so kumatani either gets shoved or squished when they sleep together. we know this is canon actually! the starfish part at least! kumatani likes to sleep facedown hugging a pillow on his front which is also canon! they would still have separate beds. they go to sleep at different times so it's easier for them to anyway. usahara would stay up gaming and kumatani would probably either stay up even later than him or go to sleep earlier.

kumatani snores. usahara doesn't mind

nsfw

usahara tops! usahara is a service top! you know why? let someone take care of kumatani for once! obviously there's no way usahara is a dom he's a whole sub but it's so... defeatist to make him bottom too. and i think especially if he was with kumatani he'd actively want to do things for him instead, because he's grateful and still very much attracted to him. kumatani wouldn't mind, he dislikes being used, so rough or domineering tops would be horrible for him.

and the idea of power bottom kumatani is a great one. although they definitely would switch too once in a while

usahara has a praise kink. i think it could definitely go either way; sometimes being badmouthed so much gives you a degradation kink too. but it feels like usahara would like praise a lot more and degradation would just make him sad. kumatani would indulge him. be softer and kinder. run his hands through his hair and tell him he's doing good

usahara may be terrible at work and keeping his mouth shut but he would be a nice solid partner in bed because he'd pay attention to what kumatani wants and be good at it. itd probably help that kumatani would tell him; kumatani would be more vocal and willing to talk than he usually is. he usually doesn't talk not for lack of things to say, just lack of reason to say them. he'd only have sex with usahara if he felt in the mood for it, so he'd be comfortable and more at ease than usual and ramble a little after. usahara holds him and listens and gets sleepy from it

[system-of-a-feather]

How do you feel about endos? Just curious.

Oookay, Riku will probably never get around to this, and while Riku wants to “get all the aspects” addressed in a “diplomatic” manner because it is a “complex and multifaceted discussion”, but they are over thinking this and will literally never do it so I’ll go with the really rough outline that they started and fill it in with what I know of our system.

Sorry if I sound really inflammatory, I’m not a diplomatic person lel 

Also, for comedy sake, I am going to maintain everything Riku kept in this outline and try my best to fill it out. A lot of this I am completely lost on so, there will be moments where I am clearly confused lel

I may get some of our opinions “wrong” because I’m kind of taking a guess from my access of the brain, so I apologize if Riku looks at any asks or reblogs we might get from this and goes WHY DID ADERIS SAY THAT?! I’m trying my best

===

Overall TLDR Opinion: So as a system, we don’t like to be too involved in it publicly. Its a multilayered complex topic with too much nuance for it to be worth advocating for or against, and with how large of a cultural phenomenon it is, it isn’t going to change with us. We don’t think it is likely that DID can be formed without trauma, but we also don’t write it off fully. We strongly however do not like “intentional” systems and find it really offensive and gross. With that being said, we also recognize issues in being too forward about that, so we don’t bother with it much.

More details below the keep reading.

-Aderis (Local Discourse Alter)

Can I follow if…

Yes. We really don’t limit or care who is following us. If you identify as an endogenic, singlet, fictionkin, a roll of toothpaste, we really don’t mind or care. I mean, we’d prefer if transphobes and homophobes and all those gross things weren’t following us because honestly - G r o s s - but also like, whatever.

I guess the only people we don’t want following are people that are actively going to use our posts to hurt others or to fetishize trauma or anything? I don’t think we have much worry for that but yeah nah. If you are endogenic or whatever, you can still follow. Just know that our writing isn’t written for an endogenic crowd.

====

Stages of Understanding DID and Endogenic Spaces

I don’t FUCKING know what Riku meant this. What the FUCK is “stages of understanding DID”? I’ve been sitting here for like... five minutes trying to understand what that meant, but I *think* they were trying to get at the idea of how people come to terms with DID.

If that is the case, then one reasons we don’t want to bash or actively advocate against endogenics is that identifying as an endogenic / endogenic-parallel concepts or finding concepts put out there by endogenics is kind of a stage / easier way to accept the situation since it doesn’t carry to baggage of having to accept that you were abused / mistreated. 

It isn’t necessarily the healthiest and there is a large concern of getting misinformation and feeding the denial or learning really bad coping mechanisms through those environments, so we don’t think it is a **good** purpose or environment to be in, but the last thing we’d want is to force people who are still struggling to understand their mental state and come to terms with the past that they *have* to admit that they were really fucked up and hurt by things that had happened in the past.

We have a lot of mixed feelings and don’t have a firm stance on if that role in coming to terms with DID is good or not so we really don’t know there or have firm opinions. Since we don’t have firm opinions, we default to “we don’t want to rush / control / dictate what other people with DID are doing in their path of healing and we don’t want to rush people’s healing journey with DID” so we refrain from involving or telling people one thing or the next.

====

Intentional Systems / Tulpamancy Systems

We think they are really offensive and problematic. We instantaneously unfollow and block systems that claim to be intentional, and we tend to unfollow people who post about intentional systems. That is the part of the endogenic community we have very little patience for.

We do know there are still probably actual DID / OSDD systems out there that use those terms to write off their condition similar to endogenics mentioned above, but the amount of damage these ones do and the just straight up often horrible thoughts and opinions about DID that they have outweighs our opinion on not budding our head where it doesn’t belong.

Don’t fetishize / make our disorder a fun thing.

====

Median Systems

Uhh.... I think Riku was going to mention something about how we found out that some people have multiple people in their head through median systems and came to understand that as ourselves and learned beyond that???

I don’t really know what stands out in specific about Median Systems though. I think there might be an opinion somewhere about BPD and Median systems? But generally we also put this in the same categroy as “stages of understanding DID”. Maybe if Riku comes around they can explain if they even know.

====

Can you have a system without trauma?

Oooookaaay, this is one Riku would be 10000% better at answering because they have a lot of nerd stuff about this about science and psychology and statistics and research and shit. I’m not that savvy in those topics though? So I guess I’ll give you a quick rundown from the gist.

We don’t think that it is likely that you can have a system - a true dissociative system with dissociated parts - without trauma. That though comes with the key word “likely”. We are very much open to the possibility / idea that other methods could form dissociated parts and are actually a bit keen into maybe some day doing research on it. Science and research has backed that DID is formed due to disorganized attachment to caregivers and repeated trauma at a young age, but DID is very under researched, psychology is a soft science, and very little about the conscious, identity, and dissociation is actually firmly known.

Until the exact neurological structure / reasoning / process to how DID forms and how it differs from those that don’t have it, we really hesitate to put it in any box because that’s really not how mental health works. It might be that the majority of cases are due to trauma, but theoretically other disorders can cause pretty dissociation and if said disorders occurred at a young enough age, then theoretically maybe something like that could happen. There is somewhere in this brain a tab on ADHD or something, but I can’t go into that cause I really wouldn’t do it a service.

The really condensed version is we don’t think so with our current understanding and readings, but we don’t think it is 100% certain and there is a very reasonable possibility that there is something out there, a different path way that can cause the DID we know - or a different condition that looks and appears similar to DID but is fundamentally different.

You rarely ever *know* anything in psych, especially with something so abstract of a disorder with little research on it such as DID and how consciousness / states of consciousness work in the brain to really be claiming anything so certainly.

====

Should endogenics be considered DID?

I don’t care?? Honestly, our system is generally of the consensus that until evidence comes to show that it is possible AND the same disorder, then no. And even then, I think the question Riku meant was “should endogenics and DID be related / equated / in the same space” which is a strong no.

Even if endogenics are real and are possible, the amount of which trauma plays into what we currently know as DID is so ridiculous that there is honestly little overlap other than the “same hat” of having multiple parts in a body. So much of DID is much more about “spicy” C-PTSD with the exclusive DLC of thick dissociative barriers. A lot of our experience is centered around navigating trauma and helping parts grow beyond the trauma that seeded their existence and I really don’t know how much of that would be able to be properly understood and shared with someone who has NO trauma? I also feel as though inherently the dynamics between parts would HAVE to be extremely different without trauma because all of the “roles” in our system are fundamentally absed on how we are because of our trauma and how we cope and manage things.

====

Endogenics on Social Media / Practically Speaking?

We leave them alone for the most part. If they aren’t being toxic or spreading misinformation, its really not our deal to care about much - and even then it really isn’t. We have a lot of other things in our life to care about and we really don’t have the time or energy to get worked up, heated, stressed, or anything because we see someone claiming to have parts without trauma. 

I say let people be people and do things as people do so long as they aren’t harming anyone. We disagree and are technically “sysmeds” or whatever, but like, its not that huge of a thing.

Anyways, that’s all.

[dangan-happy]

Password: Give me back my glitter, Monomi!

This is basically to anyone, but I guess if you want any preferences, maybe have Miu, Nekomaru, Toko, and/or Ibuki do this, as those are some of my friend's favorites (TW: mention of s//icidal tendencies)

So, this is more about/for someone I care about, so I figured I'd say that first and foremost.

So let's just call them... V. Yeah, V works just fine! Anyway, me and V are super close, and I love them very much. However, as blunt and harsh as this may sound, they're very unstable. They have DID (which I'm fine with, as I've befriended a good amount of their alters), amongst depression, ADHD, and now some bipolar (they experience lots of mood swings and other things that fall under it). They currently don't go to therapy (as far as I know, last time it was mentioned), medication seems to be a hit or miss (more of a miss though), their household situation has been and continues to be extremely toxic (which stunts any immense progress), and well, they live in a shitty state (hint hint, California, No offense to those who live there, but I'm a blunt person. Shitty weather and then some, as far as I know). Now, I acknowledge all of this, and acknowledge that mental health isn't linear and that I can't help everyone. Basically, common sense stuff. However, I pretty much feel like a failure whenever I help them. Perhaps I am a failure.

They have their positive/happy moments, sure, but then like a roller coaster: What comes up sadly comes down. It doesn't help that they're mildly sad/neutral at best and extremely s//icidal at worst on most days, which okay, I understand why. It's just... they say such promising things, and yet, my help/support/comfort/etc. is essentionally rubber bullets hitting a metal wall. In fact, I almost feel like I make them mentally worse, and make their DID worse as well. They'll say things like, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I'm so grateful to have you in my life," "I appreciate your help so much," stuff like that. They're not a evil, manipulative person who guilt trips people, so that's off the table. And while they're usually an honest person, my inner demons and immense self-loathing continue to block out me accepting this truth (this also goes for other people who say such nice things). The trauma they've been through (and sadly continue to go through) is thick and terrible, and if I could, I'd help them more than I can. But at this rate, I'm almost afraid that, s//icide letter or not, they'll suddenly, well... no longer be in this world, and they'll actually not regret their decision. Maybe they'll miss me and others, sure, but feel as though it was 'for the best' (they believe in the usual reasoning behind why ending their life would be 'for the best', which clearly isn't true).

I'm making this too long, so I should try to wrap this up. TL;DR Someone who I deeply love is usually on edge due to severe mental illnesses branched from immense trauma, and while I do my best to help them and acknowledge common sense things, I feel as though I'm always failing them and then some. Ah, if you could give V some comfort, support, reassurance, and maybe even some hugs and kisses on the cheek (especially from those like Ibuki and Nekomaru; they like you a whole lot), then I'd appreciate that. I ask for nothing for myself; I only want it for them and them only. Thank you, and sorry for making this longer than it probably should've been.

Woah, thank goodness you put that little TLDR, Ibuki got really confused halfway through, but never fear anonymous, Ibuki’s on the case! Ooo, that sounded so sophisticated & mysterious all in one go..

Hey, hey, the important thing to know when dealing with these kinds of situations is that you’re trying your best in wanting to help them. Sometimes, people need more than simple words, but the fact that you’re trying really says a lot.

Ibuki would be honoured to give them some hugs, kisses & kind words to go along with it! Ibuki believes in them with all her heart, she also knows that life gets hard & even a little messed up, but overcoming these obstacles makes us more rock n’ roll in the end! There’s no need to be sorry about a long message, even so, Ibuki was able to grasp the gist of it..

But really! Ibuki does think that this friend of yours can make it through this.. Oh, right, kiss on the cheek! Multiple kisses on the cheeks! And she will be here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, a person to hug aaaaand need someone to goof off with!

[boneoftheteeth]

Hi guys! It's been a while. 🧡

(TL;DR at bottom)

Okay, so I haven't been logged into this account or my main Tumblr since I dropped off on BA, but I've seen people still commenting on my fic through my email.

I'm still alive! I've been using a different tumblr account for something else I've been writing for a different fandom, but to everyone that sent me worried asks, I promise I'm doing okay even through these difficult times. I hope everyone else that reads this is okay too, all things considered.

I kinda didn't wanna write this at first. Looking back at some of the asks I've got in the backlog, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth (mostly in regards to the curt asks of "where's Ch. 60" in a, uh, less than tactful way), but I feel like you guys deserve some sort of a response regarding Bone Appétit so you aren't left hanging.

So at the moment, I'm not ready to return to this fic. That's not to say I will never return to BA, but right now I'm having a healthier time writing something else & I honestly would like to finish it before I return to writing this since it's been a really positive experience. I don't know when I'll come back, & I don't know if I'll spontaneously get struck by inspiration to slowly pick up the pace here, but hopefully people will still be interested when I come back.

If everyone's moved on by then, that's okay though. I just want everyone to know I'm doing better mentally and I really do appreciate how many of you read through Bone Appétit. I'm sorry I can't continue it right now, especially having left off on a painful cliff-hanger but I've definitely learned a lot since I went on hiatus. Lots of self-discovery (I'm non-binary! Yeehaw), lots of new writing techniques (I haven't stopped writing, trust me, I have ADHD and writing is my hyperfixation), and more art skills (I like digital painting!! And I know some people like to bash their own art, but mine rocks and it makes me happy, so I'm not gonna do that!! :D)

Anyways, this was unnecessarily long, but that's all, folks! Please stay safe, everybody. I'm gonna go drown myself in sweet, sweet wine and cuddle my meowing stinky fur babies! 👋🍷🌹

TL;DR-

Me no be update for while and will stay that way. Sorry-ish 😔🧡 (the post you skipped is more heartfelt, tldr's are the messy leftovers).

[saudade-mayari]

So I'm going to give a different perspective for chopsticks anon. Obviously you do what you feel is best, but I feel like this will help some to think about things from the other side. I got my bachelor's in 4 years without any credits transferred in and was taking like 17 credits each semester while also working part time at a research lab. One semester I did that while attending conferences left and right, applying to graduate school, and founding a club all at the same time. I also have ADHD and leave things for the last minute but it turns out, THAT'S exactly why I thrived. There was ALWAYS something to do, so everything was always the last minute and I was actually able to get shit done. Was it stressful? Sure. Were there times I wanted to break down and cry? Of course. And I did. But I can honestly say that I would've had those moments even if I wasn't trying to do everything at once. Also, my scholarships that helped pay for college were only good for four years, so if I wanted to leave with the least amount of debt, I HAD to do it all in 4 years.

Tldr: some people thrive under pressure, and sometimes that's what you need. This in no way is for everyone, but it is possible and if you think you can do it, give it your best shot. Just know that it is OK to take longer if that's what you need to do.

🥢anon another advice from my moots💜 I hope this would make you feel better💜

Try whichever approach you think it’s best for yourself physically and mentally. 💜

[ask-trash-and-the-gang]

Hey hey!!

Just wanted to let you all know that this blog has been on a slight hiatus for some time...  ...Well, actually, you’ve probably already pieced that together by now.  Point is, I should’ve announced it ahead of time so none of you would be wondering why I’ve been so quiet.  I promise, this blog isn’t dead, and I don’t plan on letting it die anytime soon!  I’ve just been on a bit of a break; times have been stressful as of recently, what with the virus and all, on top of the fact that I switched schools and have been piling my efforts into summer school for the past month.  My plate’s been a little full.

I wanted to make this post to let you know that I’m gonna try to pick this blog back up.  I can’t make any promises when it comes to how active it’ll be, but I’ve got a full inbox (some of the asks in there have been waiting months!!) and I’d hate to leave my followers hanging.  I’ll try to get those answered ASAP.

About the takeover arc...  I’ve been trying to wrap it up for a while now.  It’s gonna happen, but it’s bein pushed back again until the inbox is empty, as to not alter the context of the asks.  It’s gonna be a lot of work, since I have a fair bit planned for the ending; that’s a big part of why it’s taking so long.  I’ve had trouble gathering the motivation to do all that drawing...  Though, I feel like I’ve made you folks wait long enough, and I really oughta get back to work.

Good news though:  It seems that I’ve come into possession of an android tablet and a stylus, so you can hopefully expect better art quality from now on!

Anyhow, I don’t wanna drag on too long...  TLDR; I’ve been busy and thus haven’t posted much, and I apologize for that, but I’ll be trying to pick this blog back up better than ever.  ...Though, that might not be starting tonight, since my tablet is dead and I’m pretty tired at the moment.  

On that note...  I suppose I’ll see you on the flipside!!  ...Which is hopefully within the next few days, if ADHD brain doesn’t take over and make me forget again!!