#to try to show that your identity and existence is authentic

[djarin]

the way they both sidled up to each other. the way they kissed under the moonlight. the way they set and respected each other's boundaries. the hand holding, the thumb war, the gentle smile, the "you won." this is the queer representation i needed. queer people being unapologetically queer in all the gentle, sweet ways we know.

[plutosunshine]

Warning! Lilith in the houses.

Lilith represents our dark side and shows what we should be warned about. This article will warn you and help you be aware of your dark sides.

Lilith in the 1st house

Of course, the 1st house is about the person and their self-expression. Therefore, Lilith in the 1st house often intensifies how a person expresses themselves. They might possess a magnetic or enigmatic presence that draws others in, often without them realizing why. The intensity of self-expression can be played out as unwanted attention and too much focus on one's appearance. One may think others perceive them as superficial or don't take them too seriously. Also, be careful with over-focusing on your appearance since it may lead to anxiety, eating disorders, etc. Of course, this is the extreme case, but there is a tendency to unhealthily be overly conscious about the body. 

This placement can signify a struggle with darker impulses or hidden desires. It can lead to inner conflicts since these impulses are often not considered good in society. Be careful with your dark thoughts and impulses, which can lead to trouble.

There is a strong desire for independence and a rejection of societal norms or expectations. This rebellious streak can manifest in various aspects of life, including appearance, behavior, and personal choices. The 1st house is a house of Aries, so we can't deny the rebellious side. Of course, it is not bad; just be sure you don't cross the line.

There may be an ongoing battle with your identity, as Lilith challenges you to constantly redefine yourself. This is a reminder to engage in self-reflection, knowing that you are on your personal journey and are fully supported.

Embracing your darker side can be a catalyst for significant personal growth. By acknowledging and integrating these hidden aspects, you can cultivate a more holistic and authentic sense of self, instilling a sense of hope and motivation.

Lilith in the 2nd house

Lilith in the 2nd house can manifest as a deep-seated fear or obsession with financial security. This placement might lead to a tumultuous relationship with money, characterized by periods of extreme wealth and sudden losses. 

Power struggles related to resources may exist, either within personal relationships or through external circumstances. This can create a sense of mistrust or betrayal regarding financial matters.

This obsession with money may even lead to taboo ways of earning money. Be careful with dangerous thoughts about that since it may lead you into trouble. 

Individuals with this placement might have issues of self-worth and personal values. They can tend to derive self-esteem from material possessions, leading to an unfulfilled or empty feeling despite external appearances of success.

This position can also reflect a rebellion against traditional value systems, causing internal conflict and feeling out of sync with societal norms. Be careful with this tendency. 

The most important thing here is to stabilize your self-esteem. Having a healthy one, this placement won't bring any trouble.

Lilith in the 2nd house can bring out possessive tendencies, not just towards material possessions but also in relationships. A fear of losing what one owns might lead to controlling behaviors. Be careful not to turn your relationships into obsessive and controlling.

Jealousy can be a significant issue, causing tension and conflict both in personal and professional relationships.

Lilith in the 3rd house

Lilith in the 3rd house can manifest as some communication difficulties. This can include a tendency to speak harshly or bluntly, often leading to misunderstandings or conflicts. Your words may cause some trouble and gossip, so be careful.

Also, there might be a fear of expressing oneself fully, leading to repression of thoughts and feelings, which can later explode in destructive ways. Try to express your feelings more, especially through your words. Also, you need to choose your words carefully. Word is your weapon, so you can protect yourself and others. Be careful not to cause issues, gossip, and misunderstandings.

This placement can indicate intense and challenging relationships with siblings or within the immediate environment, including neighbors and classmates. There may be power struggles, jealousy, or betrayal involving brothers and sisters or others I mentioned. You need to learn how to handle these issues with grace and care, not to hurt others' feelings, and not to let others hurt you.

This may manifest as total distrust in any interactions. Don’t fall into these patterns, but try to understand the roots of the problem.

This placement often brings a restless mind, prone to anxiety and overthinking. There can be an obsession with seeking hidden truths or uncovering secrets, which can lead to mental exhaustion. 

The constant need for mental stimulation can result in a lack of focus, making it difficult to complete tasks or maintain long-term commitments. These are typical third-house issues.

Lilith in the 4th house

Deep, intense, and sometimes challenging relationships with family members might exist. You may feel misunderstood or suppressed by your family at times. Your family may be your weak point. You need to be aware of the dangerous influence of your family members (if it exists).

Individuals with this placement might struggle with suppressed emotions. They may find it challenging to express their true feelings, leading to internal conflict. Of course, your emotions and feelings don't go anywhere; they can kill you from the inside. So, find ways to express your internal self.

There's also a strong drive for emotional independence and self-sufficiency. These individuals often seek to break free from familial expectations or traditions that feel restrictive, empowering them to take control of their emotional journey.

They might often feel like outsiders within their own family or home environment. This can create a lifelong quest to find a place they truly belong. Be cautious, as this quest can lead to places that are not good for you. Stay aware and cautious in your search for belonging.

These individuals often desire to create a home environment that reflects their unique identity and values, which may differ significantly from their upbringing.

A complex relationship with the mother or maternal figure could exist. This relationship can be a source of both deep connection and profound challenge. Be careful, and don't let this affect your emotional world too much.

People with Lilith in the 4th house have a unique approach to nurturing others. They are drawn to non-traditional forms of caregiving and family structures, which can be a source of empowerment and confidence in their ability to nurture.

There's a profound need to explore and understand one's inner life and emotional landscape. This journey can lead to significant personal growth and transformation. You may use any tool, whether psychology, astrology, etc.

Lilith in the 5th house

Individuals with Lilith in the 5th house often possess a powerful and sometimes unconventional creative drive. They might be drawn to art forms that are provocative, dark, or that challenge societal norms. Also, there can be a strong need to express oneself authentically, even if it goes against the grain. This placement can inspire one to create works that reflect deep personal truths and inner turmoil.

There is often a magnetic, almost taboo allure to romantic relationships. Individuals with this placement might attract intense and passionate partners or find themselves drawn to forbidden or unconventional love affairs. However, be cautious since this can lead to some issues in your personal life. 

Also, romantic relationships can be a battleground for power dynamics. There might be control, secrecy, or manipulation issues that need to be addressed. Overall, the relationship area may be the area you should be warned about. Just be careful with the mentioned tendencies.

We can't skip one of the main areas of the 5th house—children. The relationship with one's children (of course, if you have them) can be profound and intense. There may be a strong desire to instill a sense of independence and self-awareness in one's children, but there are also potential conflicts around control and freedom.

There can be a desire for intense and sometimes risky pleasures. Activities that provide a sense of liberation and push boundaries can be particularly appealing. It is alright, but be careful since it can become too much.

Your hidden or repressed desires might emerge, leading to explorations of pleasure that are unconventional or socially frowned upon.

Lilith in the 5th house encourages you to integrate and embrace the shadow aspects of your personality. This is crucial to express yourself and not suppress your creativity and uniqueness. It involves acknowledging and expressing parts of yourself that are often hidden or denied.

Lilith in the 6th house

Individuals with Lilith in the 6th house often feel confined by traditional work environments and rigid routines. There can be a strong desire to break free from monotonous tasks and seek more meaningful or unconventional work. This can become a challenging experience if you have personal planets in Virgo or the 6th house. It can create inner conflict where you want to set up a routine but rebel against yourself. This never-ending circle is overwhelming.

Despite the rebellion against routine, there can be an obsession with efficiency and perfection in certain areas. This duality can create internal tension and stress.

Conflicts with authority figures or difficulty conforming to workplace norms may arise. This placement can lead to power struggles or a refusal to submit to others' control, which can go to extremes, so be careful.

Lilith in the 6th house can indicate repressed health issues or unconventional approaches to wellness. There might be a tendency to avoid traditional medical advice or seek alternative healing methods. Be careful with your health; don't skip checkups. Also, stress influences your health more than it does with others.

Emotional and psychological issues can manifest as physical ailments. Understanding the connection between mental and physical health is crucial for individuals with this placement.

Lilith in the 6th house may lead to a desire to serve others in unconventional ways. This could involve advocating for marginalized groups, engaging in taboo subjects, or working in fields challenging societal norms.

Setting boundaries when helping others might be difficult, leading to feelings of being exploited or unappreciated. It's important to find a balance between service and self-care. Learning to put yourself first would help.

Lilith in the 7th house

Individuals with Lilith in the 7th house often attract or are drawn to intense, transformative relationships. These connections may be passionate and magnetic and usually involve a power struggle. A sense of raw, unfiltered emotion can make relationships both exhilarating and exhausting. Be aware of the tendency to have co-dependent relationships. Your connections may quickly become toxic if you are not careful.

Lilith's influence can bring to the surface deep-seated fears of betrayal, rejection, or abandonment. These fears may stem from past relationships or be unconsciously expected. This can lead to a fear of being fully vulnerable, resulting in trust issues or a tendency to keep partners at arm's length. 

The relationships in a person's life are often mirrors, reflecting the unresolved issues and shadow aspects of their personality. Lilith here forces the individual to confront their own fears, insecurities, and darker desires through their interactions with others. This can be painful (especially with trust issues) but ultimately transformative.

Individuals with Lilith in the 7th house may feel a rejection or discomfort with traditional relationship dynamics. This placement can indicate a need to challenge or subvert conventional expectations around marriage, partnership, and roles within these relationships. You may find yourself drawn to unconventional partnerships or struggle with societal norms in relationships.

Power struggles can be a prominent theme in relationships. Whether one feels overpowered by a partner or seeks to dominate, there's often tension around control. The individual may need to find balance and equality in their relationships.

Lilith in the 8th house

Lilith in the 8th house is often associated with a powerful, magnetic sexuality. This placement can indicate an individual who experiences deep, primal desires that might sometimes feel overwhelming. There’s a strong connection to the raw, instinctual side of sexuality, which can be both liberating and challenging. This person may seek out intense, transformative sexual experiences that push boundaries or explore taboos. Be careful, and don’t go to extremes since this side of you may cause trouble.

The 8th house is the area of transformation, and Lilith here often indicates a need for deep shadow work. The individual is called to confront the darker aspects of their psyche, including fears, obsessions, and repressed emotions. This process, though difficult, is essential for personal growth and empowerment. Through facing these shadows, the person can undergo profound transformation and healing. If you ignore this deep desire to transform and heal, the universe will remind you, but in a challenging manner.

Power dynamics are a significant theme with Lilith in the 8th house. The individual may experience power struggles in intimate relationships, particularly around control, dominance, and submission. This can manifest in a fear of being controlled by others or an intense desire to control situations and people, especially in shared resources or deep emotional bonds. These tendencies can make a relationship toxic and co-dependent, so be careful with them.

The 8th house also rules themes of loss and betrayal. With Lilith here, there may be a deep-seated fear of betrayal, particularly in intimate relationships. This fear can lead to issues with trust, and the individual may either avoid deep connections or become overly possessive and protective of those they care about.

The 8th house rules shared resources, and Lilith’s influence can bring financial power and control issues. Challenges around inheritance shared finances, or debts may often involve intense emotions or power struggles. The individual might need to learn to navigate these situations with integrity and self-awareness.

Lilith in the 9th house

Lilith in the 9th house often leads to an innate distrust or outright rejection of traditional belief systems, whether religious, cultural, or philosophical. This can cause friction with family, community, or society, particularly if the individual was raised in a strict or dogmatic environment. Your challenge lies in navigating these conflicts without alienating yourself or others completely. 

Individuals with this placement demonstrate remarkable courage in their resistance to authority figures, particularly those in educational, religious, or philosophical contexts. They bravely challenge teachers, mentors, or spiritual leaders, which can lead to isolation or conflict. Your challenge here is learning how to express dissent in a way that is constructive rather than destructive, harnessing your courage to bring about positive change.

Because Lilith in the 9th house pushes the individual towards unconventional or alternative beliefs, there can be a sense of not fitting in anywhere. However, it's important to remember that your unique perspective is valuable and can contribute to the diversity of thought. Your challenge is finding or creating a space where your unique perspective is not just accepted, but celebrated, and where you can connect with like-minded individuals who appreciate your individuality.

The constant questioning of beliefs and philosophies can lead to an ongoing identity crisis, where the individual struggles to define who they are and what they believe in. This struggle with commitment is a common experience for those with Lilith in the 9th house, and it's important to remember that it's okay to have fluid and ever-evolving beliefs. Your challenge is in accepting this and finding peace in the journey of self-discovery.

Lilith in the 9th house often leads to deep questioning of societal moral codes and ethics. The individual may struggle with the relative nature of morality, feeling conflicted about what is right or wrong, especially when traditional ethics seem hypocritical or arbitrary. Your challenge is developing a personal moral compass that feels authentic while navigating the complexities of ethical dilemmas.

Lilith in the 9th house often drives a person to search constantly for a deeper meaning in life. This can result in failing to fully arrive at a satisfactory understanding of one's purpose. Your challenge here is to embrace the journey itself as the purpose, finding meaning in the exploration rather than in a fixed destination.

Lilith in the 10th house

Since the 10th house is about public image, individuals with Lilith in the 10th house often feel a strong tension between who they truly are and what society expects them to be. They might resist conforming to traditional career paths or societal roles, feeling that these expectations suppress their true nature. The challenge lies in balancing your desire to be authentic with navigating societal norms and expectations, especially in your professional life.

Lilith’s presence in the 10th house can lead to situations where your reputation is questioned, misunderstood, or even maligned. You might be judged or criticized for not fitting into conventional molds, leading to potential conflicts with authority figures or the public. The challenge is learning to manage and protect your reputation without compromising your authenticity.

Lilith in the 10th house often strongly resists authority figures, particularly in the workplace. These individuals may need help accepting hierarchical structures or traditional career advancement paths, leading to conflicts with bosses, managers, or other authority figures. The challenge is finding a way to work within or around these structures without sacrificing your need for independence and self-expression.

Individuals with this placement may need help finding a truly fulfilling career, as they might resist conventional roles or be drawn to professions that are off the beaten path. There can be a constant tension between the desire for success and the need to do work that aligns with their values and passions. The challenge is to carve out a career path that allows them to express their unique talents and perspectives while still achieving their goals. It’s crucial to do so. Otherwise, you will feel unsatisfied and unhappy.

Lilith’s energy can sometimes attract controversy, particularly in the public sphere. People with this placement might be embroiled in scandals or situations where their integrity or character is questioned. This can be particularly challenging if they feel unfairly targeted or misrepresented. The challenge here is to remain steadfast in their truth and manage such situations with grace and resilience. I know it can be challenging, considering that most cases can be unfair. Still, it would help if you found this force in yourself that will allow you to go ahead without any hesitation.

The 10th house is often associated with achievement and success. Lilith’s presence here can amplify fears of failure or not living up to one’s potential. This fear may be one of the most significant for people with this placement. These individuals might feel intense pressure to succeed, leading to perfectionism or a fear of taking risks. The challenge is to redefine success on your own terms and to embrace the possibility of failure as a natural part of growth and learning.

Lilith in the 11th house

One of the primary challenges is a persistent sense of alienation or needing to fit in with social groups or communities. These individuals often feel different from those around them, leading to a sense of being an outsider, even in groups where they would otherwise share common interests or goals.

This placement can bring a deep fear of rejection or exclusion from social circles. The individual might be hypersensitive to being judged by others, leading to a reluctance to fully engage in group activities or to open up to new friendships. The challenge is learning to navigate these fears while still seeking meaningful connections. Be careful not to reject and push away people around you who are ready to be with you.

Lilith in the 11th house can also manifest as power struggles within friendships or social groups. The individual might find themselves in situations of competition, jealousy, or manipulation among friends. Alternatively, they may need to exert control or influence within their social circles, which can create tension. The challenge is to develop healthier dynamics where mutual respect and equality prevail.

Lilith in the 11th house often challenges collective ideals or societal norms. These individuals might feel disconnected from mainstream values or ideologies, leading them to reject or rebel against the prevailing social order. While this can be empowering, it can also create isolation if they struggle to find like-minded individuals or groups that share their alternative views. However, this rejection can also be a source of empowerment, allowing you to forge your own path and stand by your beliefs. It's a delicate balance, but one that can lead to a strong sense of self and purpose.

Individuals with Lilith in the 11th house may face challenges in pursuing their personal aspirations, particularly when those goals conflict with social expectations or the goals of the groups they belong to. They might feel torn between following their own path and meeting the expectations of others, leading to frustration or a sense of being held back. The challenge is to pursue your dreams while navigating the social dynamics that come with collective endeavors.

This placement can bring a fear of social failure, where the individual worries that their dreams or aspirations will not be accepted or supported by their social circles. However, it's important to remember that there are always people who will support and encourage you, even if they don't share your exact vision. This fear can lead to hesitation in sharing their goals with others or in seeking support for their ambitions. The challenge is to overcome this fear and to find the courage to pursue their goals, even if it means going against the grain. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.

Lilith in the 12th house

Lilith in the 12th house often indicates unresolved trauma or emotional wounds that have been buried deep within the unconscious. These wounds can stem from early childhood experiences, past lives, or inherited family karma. The challenge is that repressed emotions can manifest in subtle, insidious ways, leading to self-sabotage, irrational fears, or unexplained anxiety. However, this also presents an opportunity for growth and healing as you work to identify and address the source of your discomfort.

The 12th house is associated with the unknown. Lilith's presence here can amplify fears about life's mysterious and unseen aspects. This could manifest as a fear of losing control, fear of the spiritual or mystical realms, or even fear of one's own hidden desires and impulses. The key to overcoming these fears is self-awareness, as it allows you to confront these fears rather than allow them to fester in the background of the psyche, influencing thoughts and behaviors in unconscious ways.

The 12th house is associated with solitude and confinement, and Lilith in this position can lead to a tendency toward isolation, either self-imposed or circumstantial. The individual may withdraw from the world, feeling misunderstood, or overwhelmed by their inner turmoil. This isolation can be both a source of suffering and a necessary step for deep introspection and healing. However, the challenge lies in finding a balance between necessary solitude and unhealthy isolation that leads to feelings of loneliness and disconnect. By maintaining a balance, you can avoid unnecessary isolation that only makes you feel worse.

People with Lilith in the 12th house may struggle to form deep, meaningful connections with others. Their inner world can be so intense and private that they find it hard to open up or trust. You need to look at the whole chart, but with this placement, trust issues may exist.

Lilith in the 12th house can indicate a tendency to repress specific desires, needs, or aspects of the personality that the individual finds difficult to accept. These could be sexual desires, ambitions, or any part of the self that feels too threatening to acknowledge consciously. The 12th house is always about hidden deep traumas, so you can feel overwhelmed trying to process them. This repression can lead to inner conflict, guilt, or internal fragmentation. Your challenge is to bring these shadow aspects into the light, integrating them healthily and consciously.

The 12th house is often associated with self-undoing, and Lilith's influence here can manifest as self-sabotage or the presence of hidden enemies, both internal and external. These enemies might be negative thought patterns, addictions, or destructive behaviors undermining the individual's success or happiness. Your challenge here is to become aware of these sabotaging influences, whether they originate within or are projected onto others, and to develop strategies for overcoming them.

Lilith in the 12th house can heighten psychic sensitivity, making the individual more attuned to subtle energies and more susceptible to being overwhelmed. They may experience vivid dreams, premonitions, or strong intuition, but they might struggle to make sense of these experiences or feel overwhelmed by the intensity of their perceptions. This returns us to the fear of the spiritual world mentioned above. The challenge is to ground yourself and develop practices that help you manage and harness your psychic abilities in a healthy way.

The 12th house is connected to the process of release and forgiveness. Still, Lilith's influence here can make it challenging for the individual to let go of past hurts, grudges, or unresolved emotions. They may hold onto pain, either consciously or unconsciously, which can prevent them from moving forward in life. The challenge is to work through these feelings, whether through therapy, spiritual practices, or self-reflection, to achieve a sense of peace.

[writers-potion]

How do I accurately include diversity, and not make it look like I’m just putting it in there for the sake of it?

Writing Diverse Characters - Things to Remember

Honestly, there's no definitive answer to this.

Your characters are people with clear goals, desires and a role to play in the plot. As long as they aren't just sitting there with little else but their race/gender/disability, etc. as their ONLY personality trait, at least you're on the right path.

As for representing a diverse character realistically, here are some things you can consider to get started.

Do's

RESEARCH. There are plenty of blogs/YT vids/websites that exist to help you! Meet people!

Get beta readers.

It doesn't have to be explicit. Racial identities become quite clear early on through the setting, name, and initial description(hair, eye/skin color, body shape, etc) without having to drum it into the readers each time. Gender diversity can be conveyed through the use of certain pronouns without awkward declarations.

Character first, diversity second. Please don't intentionally create a diverse character and then think about how you can push them into the cast. Have a working character, who happens to belong to a particular group.

Read works that have represented a group well. There are plenty of non-fiction works, movies and documentaries that capture the lives of people around the world with a good eye.

Use the correct terms/language

Include different types of diversity

Don'ts

Race/gender/diability is NOT a personality trait. Please. Telling me that you have a Korean girl tells me next to nothing about the character herself.

Using sterotypes. Now, it's all right if your character has a few sterotypical traits, but definitely not if sterotypes are the only thing they have.

Diversity is not a "shock factor". Suddenly revealing that a character is actually gay and has been in the closet all this time as a refresher so that it draws readers' attention? Not a good idea.

One diverse character does all. This can often be seen in female characters of slightly dated works where one woman will play the role of supportive mother, sister, femme fetale and sexy Barbie at the same time. Don't write a diverse character who basically does everything a diverse character can possibly be. All that it proves is that the writer is lazy.

Things I personally hate seeing:

Weird pronunciation of languages. As a Korean person, I always get turned off by works (mostly badly written fanfics, yes, I read those...) that try to transfer Korean dialogue directly onto the page without even checking for the correct way to spell them out. A similar example would be pinyin for Mandarin. Please, this makes the character sound stupid throughout...

Character sticking out almost painfully. If your character isn't from the region but have lived in it for a long time, what reason do they have not to blend in?

Relying on variety shows/dramas as reference. Media representation of diverse characters that are meant for entertainment is not the best source for authentic research. I die every time someone lists a number of Korean rom-coms they've watched for "research". IT DOES NOT COUNT.

As a last note, remember that there's no limit to the kind of characters a writer can writer. Accept that our job as writers is to step into other people's heads, not seeing things from one (our) perspective - and it is not going to be easy.

Hope this helps :)

[actualhumantrashcan]

I can understand a silly workplace comedy about pirates not being everyone’s jam but I really can’t understand the amount of queer people I see hating on ofmd.

like for one thing most of the debates turn into gatekeeping queerness (which I think has a lot more to do with the ages of the main couples than actual concerns about authentic representation but that’s another post) and the rest are just hateful because it doesn’t directly name or label it’s queer characters but like why do we need that at this point?? listen I love heartstopper with all my heart but it is exhausting to watch them explain queer identities sometimes (even though I do think it’s super useful for younger audiences I’m just not the target demographic!) and ofmd is an explicit, violent, adult show that doesn’t NEED to explain it’s character’s identities.

queer people past their 30’s are usually very well aware of their queerness and have had (hopefully) plenty of time to go through the arc of discovering that. so why would we need to see Stede or Lucius or Ed going through turmoil because they’re attracted to men when they have already come to terms with that at this point in their lives?? i for one find it so fucking refreshing to watch a show where the characters being queer is not their main arc, they just ARE queer and life is still happening to and around them. maybe that’s just the millennial gay in me talking, but it gets emotionally exhaustive to watch show after show where the queer character’s arc is overcoming homophobia. yes obviously homophobia still exists and yes obviously if ofmd was trying to be historically accurate these characters would be living in a very dangerous time to be queer but it isn’t trying to be accurate!! it’s trying to be fun and diverse and kind!!

and also, they aren’t pretending homophobia doesn’t exist!! it’s just addressed in a different way. Stede was emotionally abused by his father for his entire life for being “soft” and then was chased down by his homophobic childhood bullies, one of which explicitly told him that he “defiled” the great pirate Blackbeard by simply falling in love with the man behind that name. Meanwhile Ed was forced into the world of piracy at a young age and developed the entire persona of Blackbeard (who fits the toxic, violent masculine stereotype of the time) to hide the fact that he’s actually an incredibly sensitive and deeply queer man! and is told multiple times by male figures in his life that sex with other men is fine but it is absolutely unacceptable to be in love with a man. both of their arcs contain homophobic rhetoric that is still present in society today, but its never presented as a problem that they have to wrestle with. they don’t have to come to terms with what it means to love each other, they just have to overcome some trials that go along with the complicated lives they both lead as a pirate and former aristocrat. the homophobia in ofmd is woven into the backstory of each and every character, it shapes them into the people they are at the beginning of the show when all of their walls are up and they are performing the “pirate” roles they are supposed to play. and then we get to see them grow and realize that they are in a safe space, part of a community not just on the ship itself but in the life of piracy (which in the show is pretty much explicitly an allegory for queer lifestyles.)

anyway, I could rant about this all day but just truly why do we have to tear people down for enjoying something? why do we have to find reasons to hate something so obviously created with sensitivity to it’s queer audience and with so much queer joy? if historically inaccurate gay pirates going on silly adventures and falling in love are not your thing, fine! but perhaps just let people enjoy things and find your own things to enjoy.

[nerdygaymormon]

A podcast episode was recently released of Sheri Dew interviewing Elder Holland, and part of the episode involved him reacting to his "musket fire" address at BYU from 3 years ago. I responded to his remarks in this post.

I was contacted by a reporter with the Salt Lake Tribune who sent me the following: In a recent interview with Sheri Dew, Elder Holland reflected on the "musket" speech and the response he received from it. I am curious: Are they enough? Are they helpful? And what fallout did you witness/experience at the time and in the wake of the address?

I sent a 3 paragraph response, from which they chose 1 sentence. I knew they wouldn't run my whole response, but I thought I'd share on my blog what I sent.

—————————————————

One thing I hope people understand is that most minorities grow up within a culture that helps give them a sense of solidarity, a group of people that they can go back to, usually their family. There’s a sense that I’m learning to navigate being this particular minority within a larger culture. LGBTQ+ individuals are generally without this support. We have a minority experience that’s different because we generally experience this individually. It's an individual process to try to understand ourselves and our place in society. There is stress involved in recognizing yourself as an identity that separates you as an individual minority within your family and within your religion and your university. This makes queer people, especially those who are younger, vulnerable. It's important for queer individuals to know others like themselves, to find a community where they have a sense of belonging and don't have to hide, to feel hope that the future is gonna be better. We need love, support, guidance, acceptance and affirmations. It's difficult to stop hiding and come out and be authentic about our feelings and our experiences if the messages we get are that you are not wanted, you don't belong.  

Just before Elder Holland spoke to BYU faculty and staff 3 years ago, the president of BYU in Provo announced the creation of the Office of Belonging which aimed to root out prejudice of any kind on campus, and then Elder Holland gave his message that he wanted to stop all the ways queer students have made their presence known—no flag waving or protests or sharing some heartfelt words at graduation, no lighting the Y in Pride colors. That was crushing as it feels like just existing is considered problematic, that we are to remain unseen and unknown.

I know several queer individuals who've met with Elder Holland and they have shared that he is caring, he listened to them and cried with them. He is aware of the hurt and pain they experience in this church. His remarks on the podcast reflect the compassion he showed to my friends. I am glad that he acknowledges his address from 3 years ago at BYU caused a lot of pain to LGBTQ students and members. That was important. I wish that the compassion he feels for the pain of queer students and members would be turned into a desire to want a better place for us at BYU and in the Church. 

[growwithmeastrology]

I’m writing a general post for the weekend through Monday. Times are busy for us light workers and this Moon is already bringing out some interesting behavior.

The Moon will enter the humanitarian centered sign of Aquarius this afternoon at 4:44 PM CST and roll through Monday afternoon. The Full Moon goes exact at 27° degrees, at 1:25 PM CST on Monday.

Today the Moon enters Aquarius and it will immediately meet up with Pluto (rx) bringing out all the deep and truthful feelings within us. How you handle that is up to you. Do what you can, this one is an emotional hit. I’m going to fill my weekend and those around me with high vibrations to counteract it. No one is escaping this powerful moon cycle.

Over the weekend, Mercury (rx) in Leo will square Uranus in Taurus which is gonna cause mental tension and possibly a rigid mind. We’ll see radical views being challenged and interrupted communication.

The Sun in Leo will join this party on Sunday in a conjunction to Mercury (rx) making it an auspicious time for communication of all forms. Think before you act is all I can say about that one. Expect even more technological disruption.

The Sun and Mercury continue to square Uranus and then the Moon gets involved on Monday. Uranus, the energy that rules over Aquarius is challenging this Full Moon to a duel. You know the term “Lunatic?” This lunar event is a fine example of why that term exists. You may feel restless so please try not to revolt. A little restraint will help us all. Make appropriate choices.

Venus in Virgo will square Jupiter in Gemini creating distraction. While this transit makes us want to party, and go after our heart’s true desires, given the rest of the energies and the fact that what’s in most people’s hearts isn’t a general love for thy neighbor, just watch out for the intentions of those around you.

Saturn (rx) in Pisces joins this mix in an opposition to Venus so hopefully this will help you stop, reassess and stick close to those truly in your corner but this could seriously cause rifts in friendships because all loyalties will be questioned.

In summation, the energies rolling in are filled with tension and personal insecurity. If you use this energy in a positive way it will bring in a realization of what your true and authentic self is giving you a true sense of your identity. Who you truly are will be revealed. So see people for who they show you to be this weekend and especially on Monday.

The point of all this is, it’s time to decondition from old patterns and ways of being and understand that humanity as a whole is meant to come together. I sure do hope we get the point. Change isn’t easy but it is upon us. Lean towards the side of kindness please, for humanity’s sake. Peace and Love to all! 💚💫

[centrally-unplanned]

As I normally do, I very much enjoyed Folding Idea's latest video, an interpretative discussion/cinematography flex about James Rolfe aka Angry Video Game Nerd. Anyone treating the history of the internet with the depth it contains, as a culture & medium unto itself, is gonna get a win in my book.

It also hit on a point I find myself always coming back to in cultural history; how often people confuse chronology & causation. The Angry Video Game nerd is, of course, one of the most influential "Youtubers" to ever exist, by virtue of being one of the first ever do, in video format, media reviews via a comedic lens. There are years where you can say he was the center of the whole genre. He inspired legions of imitators, some incredibly directly referencing him in their identity, and when you talk to a ~30 year old online creator today who does things adjacent to that space, you can bet good money they watched AVGN when they were a teen.

(I didn't - my stereotypical influence is the Red Letter Media Prequel Reviews)

But is he that influential? Depends on your meaning, of course. Because when you ask people what that influence is, they say something like "pioneering comedic, caustic, hyperbolic review video essays". Which, he did, but he invented none of those parts. As the above video outlines, caustic, exaggerated reviews of media have been around for about as long as reviews have existed as a consumer product; making them entertaining for their own sake is an incredibly logical leap to take. AVGN was coming around in a time where slapstick violence and faux-rage was entirely the vibe of the internet; Penny Arcade had been doing its thing for over half a decade before AVGN's first video was published.

And more importantly, video content in those days was obviously going to lean towards things like comedy and "skit" styles compared to say text reviews, because it complemented the medium better. It takes a lot of niche craft to make a rage speech pop on text; it's much more accessible to just be a good actor and be visibly raging. Going even more downstream, the "media mix" of people consuming content about the art they like or engage with was so old hat by the 2000's that consumer brands were using it as fucking jargon in marketing meetings. There isn't a world where this kind of content would not have appeared. It had to, the culture demanded it.

This is no grand dig at AVGN of course - this is to some extent true of all artists. As Olsen's video notes, what set AVGN apart was that James Rolfe was not a game reviewer; he was a filmographer, he had gone to film school, he was trying to make movies. Which in 2004 meant that he had a ton of cameras and lighting and equipment to make viable content in a way others did not. He had a technological advantage in exploring a new medium, one that would fade as webcams and lighting rings became as cheap as dirt, or shift as markets for crazy stuff like vtuber rigs would evolve. And of course the specific way he went about his content did imprint itself on the medium.

But not thaaat much; I think time has not been kind to AVGN. The humor is of course dated to its time, the MTV's Jackass of video game reviews. And as the medium of self-published video essays has evolved, the medium discovered approaches far better than comedic skit shows. Much longer content is possible, you can ride on parasociality and authenticity instead of endless "joke moments" (Or go the reverse - every comedy video from the old days is too long, a tiktok-level joke stretched over 5 minutes). Some of this was tech dependent as well, of course - youtube had duration limits on uploads in 2005! Making 4 hour Star Wars Hotel videos was not possible outside of stringing "Part 1 of 37" video playlists together. But time and culture marches on as well, and I don't think the average creator today is pulling from 2005 Youtube much at all, really. They are different eras.

As mentioned, if you ever deal with doing causation in cultural history, you run into this all the time - people essentially going "work X was first, and therefore invented the genre and influenced all after". And I don't think it really works that way - establishing causation just takes far more detail than that.

[totowlff]

the encounter

➝ a painting, an agent and a crime. sounds good, no?

➝ word count: 3,9k

➝ warnings: descriptions of crimes, reader being clumsy

➝ author’s note: i finally felt safe enough to post this story. it's a more or less alternative universe, since it has some real things (i'd love to know your bets). hope you like it.

It was an ugly, gloomy day in Vienna, and you found yourself sitting in the cafe you tended to frequent these days. As far as anybody knew, and as far as you told anybody, it was a nice place to come and work during the day, so almost every day for the past few weeks, you sat in your usual seat by the window and sipped coffee as you ostensibly worked on something important on your laptop. As far as anybody asked, the cafe was comfortable enough and it was fairly close to your apartment, and you simply weren’t quite as productive when you were working at home. That’s what you told people, along with the fact that you worked in finance.

You weren’t working on anything at the moment, because your mind was elsewhere, and your eyes were fixed on something across the street from the cafe. You were staring at an old antique shop, with a dark green facade and gold lettering across its front window. You were watching the people inside, talking animatedly, trying to imagine what they were speaking about.

— Maria — you heard someone say. The name was familiar, after all, that was the name that was listed in the identity documents that your boss handed to you in a manila envelope a few weeks earlier, along with an investigation report. Hearing the name brought you back to when he was briefing you on the operation, which had been named “Królowa”, a reference to the object of the investigation. You had been assigned to search for information on a triptych painted by the Polish master painter, Jan Matejko, that depicted a procession accompanying the Virgin Mary and the Baby Jesus to a cathedral in Kraków.  

The triptych was considered a lost Polish national treasure, stolen from its most recent owner during the Nazi occupation. Previous investigations into its whereabouts dragged on for years, buried in the files of the Europol, based in The Hague, in the Netherlands. When you started working there, almost a decade earlier, the case was stuck on a cold lead about the piece's last owner, Count Hieronim Tarnowski, a Polish aristocrat.

The last documented whereabouts of the triptych was within Montelupi Palace in Kraków, which was owned by the Tarnowski family. However, the palace and all of its contents were expropriated by Nazi command in 1942, before the interior of the Palace was consumed by fire. From then on, there was nothing further documented about the of the painting. It and some other cultural treasures seized by the Nazis were long considered lost by the Polish government and Europol. That is, until one day, you found something that made you dig deeper into the case.

You were doing some research for another art theft case when you found an open thread about Matejko on an art forum. While you were reading praise for the painter's work, you came across a photo posted by a user called Piter1974 that caught your attention.

It was a photo of the triptych, clearly taken with a modern camera given the quality and colors of the image. They contrasted sharply with the images attached to the investigation that you had as reference, which had been taken from pre-war catalogs. The only existing photos of the work were all in black-and-white, taken with early 20th century cameras. You did some cursory checking on the authenticity of the image, and didn't hesitate to print it out. You placed it on your boss’ desk with an air of confidence. 

— What is that? — your boss, a burly, perpetually grumpy Frenchman named Romeo, asked.

— It’s Matejko’s triptych.

He looked unconvinced as he cocked an eyebrow. 

— Came to show me your Photoshop skills? The colors look nice, but…

— I didn't color this photo.

Romeo blinked.

— Do you mean…

— It's a recent image — you said, proudly — The EXIF data shows that it was taken on October 6, 2022.

— Where did you find this?

— On an internet forum. A user posted this in a discussion thread about Jan Matejko's works.

— You…

— It’s not AI or Photoshop. I checked, Romeo — you replied, smiling — The triptych still exists!

Your discovery led to the case being reopened, with the image being examined pixel-by-pixel for any inconsistencies, and your findings being verified. The EXIF data buried in the picture not only showed the date, but it showed what kind of camera the image had been taken by, which was a high-end professional model popular with archivists and museum curators for taking high-quality images suitable for cataloging. 

You felt frustration wash over you. The trail seemed to have gone cold again, after all, how many art galleries were there in the world? It was like you were looking for a needle in a haystack.

But again, fortune smiled on you. While analyzing an old catalog of Jan Matejko's works written by a Polish author, you came across new information about the triptych's whereabouts. According to the catalog’s author, after being confiscated by the Nazis, the triptych briefly reappeared in the 1960s, in the inventory of a well-known antiques shop in central Vienna. Your relief was short-lived when you saw the name of the shop’s owner. 

“Of course Bednarczyk is involved in this”, you thought to yourself, letting out a long sigh.

Czesław Bednarczyk was an old acquaintance of the Polish justice system. He had been a notorious smuggler, taking vast amounts of Poland’s cultural treasures and gold abroad, most of it to be sold in his antique shop in central Vienna, on the Dorotheergasse. 

Despite the mountain of evidence against him, the antiquarian never faced justice for his crimes, nor did his reputation within the art world suffer. When he died in the late 90s, the funeral was attended by great figures from the industry, all paying their respects to the patriarch's family, who worked to preserve his legacy to this very day. 

Bednarczyk's antique shop was taken over by his eldest daughter, Elisabeth. She was known for being one of the leading experts on Viennese porcelain, which kept her from being a major suspect. However, you thought, that didn't mean the place couldn't be involved in some way, as other Matejko pieces had been sold by the Bednarczyks over the years. And so, you went to Vienna with a false identity and a single objective: find the triptych.

After arriving in the city and settling into the apartment that would be your base, you tried to investigate the surroundings of Dorotheergasse, the narrow lane where the antique shop was located. In short order, you found the perfect place to monitor movements in and out of the shop without raising any suspicion — a cafe next to the Jewish Museum across the street. — Maria — the voice repeated, making you wake up from your thoughts. You glanced over your shoulder, finding the friendly smile of Kristina, the cafe's barista — Is everything okay?

— Yes, everything’s fine — you replied quickly, fumbling to hide the fact that you had forgotten that was the name you’d given to the waitress — Why?

— Oh, you… Called me over to place your order, but when I asked you what you wanted, you didn't say anything...

You felt your own cheeks heat up.

— Sorry, Kristina, I was distracted…

— By the antique shop?

You were apparently being too obvious. You wished the ground would swallow you whole.

— Well, no… Not exactly…

— Oh, I’m not surprised.  — Kristina laughed — When you said you had just moved to an apartment nearby, I sort of figured you had an eye for art and antiques.

— But, how?

The barista chuckled.

— I mean, you’ve seen the kind of people that come in here. It’s only old people or people that are crazy about art, and you’re obviously not old.

You smiled, trying to hide your discomfort at feeling so transparent.

— I do like art — you lied — My parents had a lot of pieces at home, like sculptures, porcelain...

— Oh, that shop has a ton of those things.

You raised your eyebrow. 

— Have you ever been inside?

— Yes. I got curious about it and went after work one day.

— Did you talk to anyone there?

Kristina was clearly taken aback by your interest.

— Oh, yes, I talked to a man, he…

— Alexander? — you asked, taking a few seconds to realize that, in your eagerness to find out more about the Bednarczyks, you were close to showing your hand.

— No, his name was something else — she replied, with suspicion on her face — Who’s Alexander? 

In truth, you knew that Elisabeth had a son named Alexander. According to the case’s dossier, he was a specialist in contemporary art and responsible for numerous sales of works to foreign galleries and museums. If the triptych had left the antique shop heading abroad, it likely would have passed through Alexander's hands.

— Well, like I said, my parents like art and I remembered they bought a few pieces from a shop in Vienna run by a man named Alexander — you said, trying to cover your tracks  — I thought it could be him, but I think it's unlikely, come to think of it. After all, how many art and antique shops are in a city this size, right?

After staring at you for a few seconds, Kristina smiled.

— Unlikely, maybe, but not impossible. I imagine the art world isn’t a very big one, after all. 

You went back to focusing on the antique shop. You had noticed some movement near the door and you were trying to pay attention to whoever was leaving, when Kristina cleared her throat.

— Yeah? — you muttered.

— Do you still want something?

Looking at the table, you noticed that your espresso cup was empty, as was the plate full of crumbs from the chocolate cake you had devoured after lunch.

— I think another espresso — you replied. With a nod Kristina walked away from your table, while you looked again at the door of the antique shop as two blonde women came out of the shop’s door. Both of them were talking animatedly and had boxes in their hands.

Just then, you’d decided you’d spent enough time over the past few weeks watching and waiting — you had to see what was inside. 

The next day, the plan was already drawn up in your head. You would go into another antique shop in a different part of Vienna and buy something made of porcelain, something that seemed to be antique. And then, you would go into the Bednarczyk’s shop to try and have it appraised. It belonged to your mother, you would tell them, and you wanted to find out what they could tell you about it and see if it could be restored. Anything to buy more time.

You’d let the staff at the shop talk to you, you knew what questions to ask to not seem like you knew nothing about the pieces, but what to avoid asking to not show that you knew too much. While you were talking to them, whoever they were, you would try to work in a way to ask about any Matejko pieces they knew of.

Your plan was hastily arranged, but it seemed like it should be perfect.

You found another antique shop in Ottakring, across the city, and bought the first porcelain piece you spotted that you knew was old enough to seem like a treasured family heirloom. You thought it would be a good idea to stop by the cafe first and have an espresso to settle your nerves before heading into Bednarczyk’s.

You walked down the street to the direction of the antique store with the box containing the little sculpture in your hands, confident this would be a big step forward in the investigation of the tryptich’s whereabouts. 

As you were glancing toward the shop’s entryway, you let your attention slip for a moment, crashing into the back of the man who was walking ahead of you. The box in your hand slipped and fell toward the ground, the muffled tinkling of shattering porcelain coming from inside the box. You immediately sank to the ground and lifted the flaps on the top of the box.

— No, no, no, fuck — you said, seeing the ballerina you bought reduced to a pile of shards.

— Shit — the man said from above you. When you looked up, you realized that you had stumbled into a man with dark hair and brown eyes, who were fixed on what was once a small porcelain statue — I'm sorry, I didn't see you coming in behind me…

— No, it's okay — you murmured, trying to hide your displeasure at having broken the piece. You had chosen the porcelain ballerina precisely because you knew that it was old enough to be of interest to Elisabeth. However, you couldn’t exactly get her to appraise a pile of dust — Isn’t a big deal...

— From your reaction, it seemed like something important — the man said, as you closed the box quickly and stood up — I’m so sorry. I hope it wasn’t a family heirloom.

You looked up at him, pressing your lips together as you realized how tall he was. “Focus… Maria”, you thought to yourself, feeling your face heat up. You couldn't let your cover identity slip.

— Yeah, it was. I had brought it to see if there was somewhere that could appraise it, maybe restore it, but… I don’t think there’s much to be done about it now.

Looking at the box, the man seemed to think for a few seconds, before looking up at you again.

— Well, if you want, I can find something else to give you instead. I’ll pay for it.

— I don’t… 

— That won't replace the sentimental value, no, but it's the least I can do, considering your little ballerina is broken because of me.

You hesitated for a few seconds. You didn’t want to involve another person in your investigation, especially an innocent bystander that made you feel a strange heat in your chest and a strange flush in your cheeks. However, before you realized it, you were following him down the street, the box with the porcelain shards in your hands, into the front door of the Bednarczyks' antique shop.

He opened the door and motioned politely for you to walk in first, which you did, unable to hide the shy smile on your face. The man closed the door behind him as you approached one of the shelves. It was stocked with a huge assortment of miscellaneous knicknacks - silver candelabras, ceramic vases, sets of different glasses and jars, all polished and carefully arranged. Your eyes landed on a velvet box on one of the middle shelves, and you couldn’t resist the compulsion to step forward and carefully tilt open the lid, trying to see what was inside.

— It's a set of silver flatware — a female voice said behind you. You turned around with a start to see a short, blonde woman with kind brown eyes staring at you. She smiled — Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Mr. Wolff asked me to come assist you.

— Mr. Wolff? — you asked, confused.

— The gentleman who came in with you.

You were still confused, wondering how she knew the other customer’s name. 

— By any chance — you started, stopping when you felt someone touch you shoulder.

— Ah, you found Petra, excellent — the man, apparently Mr. Wolff, said — Petra, could you show us the porcelain?

The woman nodded and directed you to another set of shelves, chatting about , the woman guided you between the shelves, chatting about the store's new arrivals. However, your mind was occupied with trying to remember if you’d ever seen the name Wolff anywhere in the case files. The man seemed to be too familiar with the staff to be just another customer. You remembered reading about Elisabeth, her son, Alexander, and Alexander’s wife, Amy. However, you didn't remember any man with the surname Wolff.

— Here is our selection of porcelain. I'll leave you to choose what you would like — Petra said, with a smile.

— Thank you very much, Petra. As soon as we choose, we will call you.

With a nod, Petra walked away, leaving the two of you alone in front of the shelves filled with figurines, cups, teapots and porcelain vases. After a few seconds of silence, you finally looked at the man next to you.

— Mr. Wolff, is it? — you asked, the tone of your voice causing a smile to appear on his lips.

— Well, yes. Torger Wolff. But you can call me Toto.

Something about what he said made you smile.

— Toto, like the dog in The Wizard of Oz?

— I would say like Toto Rina, the Italian mafioso, but most people think of the dog first — Toto said, without taking his eyes off you — And you, what's your name?

You hesitated for a few seconds.

— Maria.

— Just Maria?

— Maria Bauer.

Toto chuckled.

— Ah, a fairly common name, no? — he asked. “It had to be something from the idiots in the operations department”, you thought to yourself, giving a wry smile.

— My parents weren’t the most creative…

— In my case, they were too creative — he said, looking at the shelf again — I suppose you’re not not from Vienna?

His question made you swallow hard.

— No, I'm not. I moved here not long ago. How did you know?

— Your accent — Toto replied — I'd say you're from the south, maybe. Graz?

— Klagenfurt — you said. That’s what was in your identity document. You hoped he wasn't familiar with the accent there, since you were sure that the Dutch and English you were used to speaking on a daily basis with your co-workers was present in the way you slurred some syllables.

— But you've lived abroad, haven't you?

— Why do you ask?

— Your accent doesn’t sound like a Southern accent. I have an acquaintance from near there, but his accent is a bit different. 

— My mother is Dutch — you lied, almost in an attempt to stop that interrogation — So, I grew up listening to her accent and ended up picking it up.

— Ah, yes, I understand — he said, giving a gentle smile.

Turning your attention to the shelf, you tried to focus on the china in front of you, trying to decide which piece would be the most similar to the one he had broken. Not that it mattered much, but one did catch your eye. It was a figure of two people - a man and a woman, sitting next to a column, with the woman holding a rose and the man holding a basket of flowers on his lap. It was romantic, and oddly endearing.— Did you like this one? — Toto asked.

— Yeah — you replied, your fingers brushing the top of the porcelain column, where there was a small hole to hold a few flowers  — It's very beautiful.

— I agree. 

— With such a renowned expert curating the collection, it's not surprising — you said, taking the porcelain figure in your hands.

— Oh, do you know of Elisabeth? — he asked. You glanced over to Toto to find that he had a curious expression, like something you said made an impression.

Maybe you’d already said too much.

You’d betrayed the fact that you were not from Vienna and had recently moved to the city, leaving you no acceptable excuse to explain how you knew who owned the shop you were in. It wasn’t as if she was well-known outside of very specific Viennese society and academic circles — No, I don't know her — you said, giggling nervously.

— So how do you know she curates the porcelains here?

— Well, like I said, I recently moved and I'm still cleaning up my apartment, so I'm working from the cafe across the street — you lied, trying to sound as calm as possible  — And, one day, I noticed the antique shop across the street and looked up some information about it online. My parents collect art - mostly these porcelain figures, so I thought I’d bring in one of their older pieces to have it appraised and restored, since she seemed like the best person to do it.

— Of course, the internet — he said, laughing — What's not on the internet nowadays, right?

— Right? You can find anything — you smiled, feeling your heart pounding. He seemed to buy it, but you couldn’t guarantee that you’d be so lucky next time. 

After asking if you liked the piece you were holding and calling Petra to confirm your choice, Toto asked you to stay there, before heading towards the counter at the back of the shop together with Petra.

Watching him talk to Petra, you started feeling guilty. You had only just met Toto and you already felt terrible about lying to him, which made you feel even worse, as feeling such strong emotions about telling lies was an occupational liability for you. But still, he had nothing to do with the investigation beyond knowing who Elisabeth was, and ostensibly frequenting her family’s antique shop. He certainly wasn’t a person of interest, so you could only conclude that he was one of her wealthy patrons. “He must be rich”, you thought, watching him scribble something on a piece of paper and hand it to Petra.

Perhaps, in other circumstances, you could get to know each other better. It was crazy, you thought, to be imagining a future with a man you knew nothing about and had just met mere moments ago, but you couldn’t help it as you looked at the way he smiled at you. It was a sweet, warm smile, and you’d never met anyone else you felt a connection with so immediately. It was the same smile he gave you once more as he handed you an elegant box that Petra had given him. “What a handsome son of a bitch”, you thought, giving him a small smile.

— Here — Toto said, handing you the box — I know it's not a one-for-one replacement, but it's my way of apologizing for the accident earlier.

— It’s no problem, really. You could very well have ignored what happened and kept walking, so…

— No, I don’t think that would have been — he murmured, eyes fixed on yours. That intensity of his gaze on you made your own cheeks feel hot.

— What do you mean by that? — you asked, giggling nervously.

— It would be impossible to ignore you — Toto said, seeming to realize the effect of his own words on you — I could never just walk past you.

The room filled with silence that stretched out long enough for you to think of a million scenarios in which you would end up with your lips pressed against his.

— Well, I'm going to take this home — you finally said, taking a brief look at the box — Thank you for your kindness, Toto.

— It was the least I could do, Maria — he replied with a smile, putting a peculiar emphasis on your name.

Giving one last wave, you turned around and left the antique shop feeling like you were floating. However, nothing compared to the feeling that came over you when you opened the box and found a note on the bubble wrap that surrounded the delicate piece of porcelain.

— I'd love to see how it looks on your shelf — you read quietly, realizing that Toto had written his phone number below his message while Petra was wrapping the figurine.

You dug into your purse and pulled out your phone, but started feeling guilty again. You were in Vienna for work, not to flirt with strangers. You were dealing with dangerous people and getting involved with more people meant additional risk, not only for them, but for you and your career.

“Well… one photo of my bookshelf probably won’t hurt anyone”, you thought, before saving the number on your cell phone.

[kooki914]

How do you think would Noelle and Ralsei interact with each other if they got the chance? What would their relationship bring out of the other?

This is something I've given a lot of thought to, and something I'm still salty wasn't explored at all in Chapter 2. So this post is both going to answer your question as well as be my excuse to write an essay about these two.

The thing is, Noelle and Ralsei are narrative foils to each other. That probably sounds weird on account of the fact that they never interact, but both mechanically and through dialogue, we see parallels form between them. They're both enigmatic, mysterious, while keeping up friendly appearances, while also being literal or figurative royalty in their respective worlds (Noelle is from a rich family and is adored, Ralsei is a prince with no subjects). They're both love interests to the leads (yes, to Kris and Susie BOTH, the snowgrave route is essentially an exploration of a toxic friends-to-lovers but I'm not getting into that here), and they're both rife with religious symbolism, as well as the fact they're both prey animals (in a world where boss monsters like Toriel and Asgore can look more lion-esque, Ralsei's decidedly goat-ish appearance is kind of striking to me). They have the same heal spell (a pray to light) and they're both "passive" in that kind of way a mage usually is in RPGs.

Noelle's arc mainly centers around agency, while Ralsei's arc mainly centers around identity. For all the struggles she faces, Noelle doesn't really have that... crisis of character that Susie and Ralsei are prone to. Even in the snowgrave route, she doesn't question herself, she questions Kris. And, while Ralsei IS an obedient doormat, it's not out of a lack of agency (he shows us as much when he puts his foot down right before the kids open a fountain), it's an active choice he KNOWS he can simply... Not Do (as evidenced by how upset he is with Susie's behaviour in chapter 1 and his epiphany about it in chapter 2, he essentially equates mean behaviour to Purposefully making people around you suffer, instead of a personality quirk or showing of emotion).

It's interesting to think about how they'd complement one another. Not even strictly in a character arc sense (I'll get to that), but just in a... character interaction sense. Noelle has this pattern of putting the spotlight on other people. Even when she talks about herself it's always framed as a way to lift up those around her, while Ralsei has this sneaky way of getting to know you without you even realising (if the rooms he made for Kris and Susie are anything to go by). I think this would result in a dynamics where Noelle (passively, almost accidentally) allows Ralsei to open up in a more genuine way, while Ralsei still tends to Noelle's needs like he does for everyone else.

It's also interesting from a worldbuilding sense. We've seen Ralsei not give a flying fuck about Anyone that isn't directly connected to the prophecy, both for humour reasons and for horror reasons (as seen in the snowgrave route), so giving him a friend that's 1) a lightner, 2) not part of the prophecy, and 3) trying to actually know him on a personal level - it'd probably cause him to actually rethink his worldview. If someone like Noelle, someone who's got nothing to do with the prophecy, can be an important person to him and a good friend to people she doesn't *need* to care about, then why can't he? Can he be someone outside the prophecy? Is his identity and purpose not confined to this, and what does that mean for him in the long run?

And, on Noelle's side of things, Ralsei would probably be a healthier outlet for that feeling of nostalgia she's so addicted to. With him around, she's allowed to just be a kid again. No appearances to keep up, no expectations to fulfill, he's a fresh start and a new friend that she's allowed to be her authentic self around because his existence is essentially rooted in tending to the inner child of all the lightners he comes across. And maybe then she'll be able to let go of the past. Maybe, though viewing her childhood through an outsider's eager point of view, she can see how far away it is, and how she doesn't NEED it to be happy. Things can't be the same, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe they can be better.

Overall, there's also a... vague "burden of femininity" they both have. They take on emotional labour even when they don't have to, just because that's what's expected of them. I so badly want a Dark Fun Gang-esque arc with these two where they defect from the team and just decide to be bad guys on their own terms for a while. Just because they can, just to see what it brings out of them. And, they'd be complete dorks about it of course, but it'd be nice to see them breaking their moulds with people they don't feel judged by, with friends they don't feel the need to impress because they're already so similar to.

There's this one bit of dialogue I wrote for them for one of my AUs, specifically in the above scenario where they decide to be bad guys for a bit, and I feel I need to share it here because it puts into words something I can't without taking away from the feels of it:

[telomeke-bbs]

BAD BUDDY – THE LGBTQ+ ALLEGORY IN PAT AND PRAN'S STORYLINES

(above) The Bad Buddy Series poster

I'm writing up some preliminary thoughts on LGBTQ+ themes and directions that Director Aof appears to be pursuing in Last Twilight, and I'm reminded of how he's tackled similar preoccupations in previous works.

Looking at Bad Buddy in particular, in retrospect it's clear now how Pat and Pran's storylines were very definitely allegories for aspects of the queer experience – two sides of the same coin.

The allegorical subtext in BBS was overshadowed by how powerfully PatPran's story was brought to life by the writing and the acting (I'm still in awe of Ohm and Nanon's portrayals), and a whole lot of us got so emotionally swept up in how authentically heartfelt the final product was rendered on the screen, it was easy to overlook that there could be more than meets the eye.

But with Khun Noppharnach in the director's chair, you can always expect some form of LGBTQ+ activism to be woven into the fabric of the storytelling.

I've written about this in bits and pieces before (see this post on BBS's overall allegorical message here), but have never placed Pat and Pran's individual storylines side by side to shine a light on their paired allegories together, so this short write-up is more to consolidate my own thoughts on the matter than anything else.

Now Pat's storyline was about trying to be someone you are not, based on outside expectations of you. Naturally-loving and affable Pat was continually stressed to the max when he was expected to outcompete and hate his best friend while personifying the toxically-masculine, competitive hyper-ruffian that Ming was pushing him to be.

This is an allegory for the futile struggle queer people put themselves through when they try to conform to a heteronormative world's standards and norms with regard to behavior, sexuality and attraction. LGBTQ+ people know this only too well; how exhausting is it to be told all the time – to be expected to live the dictated belief – that the way you naturally live and/or love is wrong, and that the love in your heart deserves to be replaced with hate instead?

And Pat only found peace when he rejected that false persona imposed on him by his dad, and followed the authentic soundings of the love within himself. 💖

Pran's storyline (and this is what gelled for me only recently, when looking at Last Twilight) was really an allegory for life in the LGBTQ+ closet, with him living behind a carefully-constructed identity (see this analysis linked here) while keeping his authentic self a secret behind defensive walls and never showing anyone who he truly was.

He probably learnt to do this from Dissaya's obsession with saving face and protecting one's reputation that she mentions in Ep.10 – living within a constructed shell that makes you acceptable, even desirable, to a world that may be at odds with your true self inside, that you have to keep hidden from view for whatever reason.

It was Dissaya who taught Pran how to build and live in that closet, but it was only when he broke free from this prison of his own making (beginning first with the Ep.10 khan maak, then hashing things out with Dissaya, as painful as that process was), was he able to flourish as his best self (which is what his guitar and musical storyline were also about; see this analysis linked here).

And this is a lesson that queer people have been learning over and over again, that burying your authentic self beneath layers and layers of dissimulation means a pretty lonely existence for your true identity, denying yourself the freedoms that others take for granted.

When read together with Bad Buddy's over-arching LGBTQ+ allegory (mentioned above, also linked here), the messaging points at a single truism – that LGBTQ+ people shouldn't have to have their love and lives defined by anyone other than themselves, and that when this self-determination is allowed, sensible and peaceable co-existence is still possible even if not everyone in the wider community is wholeheartedly approving (which is what PatPran's family lives in Ep.12 – and especially Ming and Dissaya's grudging tolerance of their boys' relationship – were also demonstrating in allegorical form).

At this time (in late 2023) Thailand is proceeding cautiously toward improving its position on LGBTQ+ rights (see this post on marriage equality linked here). Meanwhile, far right camps in other parts of the world are also doing their utmost to shrink shared spaces (see these articles linked here and here). 👀

Two years after it first appeared on our screens, the message encapsulated in Bad Buddy's allegories is perhaps as pertinent and important as ever. 😔💖

[marzipanandminutiae]

I do see your point about Jo vs more established authors, but also i think it is key that she IS confirming to feminine standards in many ways: most notably of course that she’s wearing a long skirt in all but the most private/theatrical scenes. Having her try to navigate and balance her identity and presentation with a piece of two of make clothing while confirming to female presentation in the most important way (long skirt) seems entirely consistent with Jo’s character and the options she had available to her. (And not to get into it about Abby Cox, but the NLOG trope is specifically about female characters themselves feeling superior to other women because they’re not “girly”; showing a character in a movie based on a historical novel in turn based on the author’s lived experience not conforming perfectly to feminine standards is not a good-faith example of it.)

Okay, but. There was more to acceptably feminine presentation in the 19th century than just wearing a long skirt. Some decades earlier, Anne Lister wore long skirts and still got considerable social flak for "dressing masculine" (in ways we're still not 100% sure of). She could only ignore that criticism because she was independently wealthy.

Jo is a working-class young woman who shows up at, effectively, a prospective future employer's office wearing a bowler hat, a man's shirt, and a tie.

The fact that she's also wearing a skirt would not have negated that at all.

As for the NLOG trope, I don't exactly see how the broader historical fiction trend of having one's heroine eschew femininity to show that she's more valuable than other female characters can be called anything else. The video was not just about Jo March; it was about a larger phenomenon in terms of modern writers approaching historical settings, that this movie happened to play into. And as for lived experience...Louisa May Alcott didn't conform perfectly to feminine standards, no, but I can almost guarantee she didn't walk into her publisher's office for their first meeting wearing literal men's clothing from the waist up. to be clear, I am not denying that masculine-presenting women existed back then, nor that their stories should be told. Rosa Bonheur Biopic When, etc. but like. They Lived In A SocietyTM. and to ignore that because you have to show how Different and Relatable your heroine is...seems pretty NLOG to me

(It's not book-accuracy, either- Jo only ever wears distinctly masculine clothing onstage in the novel, that I recall. She has short hair for a while, due to the traditional Sentimental Novel Hair-Selling For Noble Cause trope, but the rest of her androgyny is in her behavior and the sentiments she expresses.)

(Again, in a more explicitly fantastical interpretation of the story, fine. But the team behind LW19 set themselves on a pedestal of "historical authenticity," so I feel pretty justified in criticizing them on this score)

[comicweek]

Ángel Manuel Soto on Cultural Specificity in Blue Beetle

Rafael Motamayor : There is a cultural specificity to the film that we haven't really seen before in superhero movies, and the Reyes family members aren't just Pan-Latino, but specifically Mexican. Why was this important for the film?

 Ángel Manuel Soto: I think we've been psychologically and pathologically inculcated a fallacy by the hegemony that our specificity is not universal, that the white and gringo are universal. The truth of the matter is that we're all universal if we embrace our true selves. We Latinos watch Korean movies, Japanese movies, European movies, and we connect with their specificity because Latinos were never given that change because we were told you couldn't, and I never agreed with that feeling, that thought. It is an institutionalized philosophy, and Hollywood has perpetrated it.

So for me, I wanted to start from the premise that the universality of our cultures exists in our specificity. And if we are honest and free to be authentically us, and we don't have to be like someone else, it can still reach a general audience even if they don't look like us. To me, it was important for writer Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer as a Mexican, for me as a Puerto Rican, and to the actors as Mexicans, to be themselves, to allow this to be a movie where we take ourselves seriously, but also enjoy ourselves and express ourselves freely. To me, it was important to not have to reinvent the wheel at the first try, but to instead use nostalgia to make a throwback to the movies we liked as kids and insert ourselves in those scenes as the heroes of the movie, embracing authenticity. After, we can reinvent the wheel.

The only thing that could have prevented this was the studio, and from the beginning, I told them if they were going to tell me how big the explosions were going to be, they could not tell me how Latino my movie was going to be.

RM: One thing I love was the references to cultural touchstones like "El Chapulín Colorado" and "María la del Barrio." Could you talk about those references and introducing these things to a wider audience?

AS: Just as we consume other countries' popular cultures, we can't leave other people ignorant to the things that connect us as Latinos, because though our countries have their own idiosyncrasies, truths, and specific cultural identities, there are also more things that unite us within a Latin American collective. For me, it was very important not only to pay homage and honor that first Latin American hero we all collectively grew up with, but highlight that a Mexican in Querétaro like Gareth, and a Puerto Rican like me, being so far away, still can say that our first exposure to a superhero was El Chapulín, because he was in every Latin American's home.

So we thought, why not embrace the characters or elements that are specific, which also have a Pan-Latino appeal? And through that, we can celebrate the intersectionality of our cultures. It doesn't have to be Mexican for me to say it is also mine, it is also yours. Same with Puerto Rico: Reggaetón is no longer ours. It belongs to the world, even if it came from there. Same with "Maria la del Barrio," and novelas. The references in the movie are both a celebration to the things that unite us collectively as Latino, and also references we are canonizing in this fictional world.

RM: Speaking of Carapax, his story is fascinating in that it brings in the real history of the School of the Americas. Can you talk about the decision to bring in that part of the story?

AS:

To me, it was important to explore that in Hollywood, Latinos are always introduced in the middle of the paragraph. We enter a scene and we're gangsters and narcos, we are violent and dishonest people, and no one questions why that is. And when a movie or a show explains why, it just says that we are like that because that's our nature. So, we've never been given the chance to explore the history of blood behind the violent behaviors in Latin America. And, come on, you don't have to be a rocket scientist or an erudite to do a simple Google search and learn about Yankee interventionism, and why that interventionism started in 1954 to protect the American [United] Fruit Company in Guatemala.

It was important for me to be able to show this villain who is not just Latino, but indigenous, and show why he is the way he is to a certain point. Because even though he is responsible for much of his actions, the reason why he is a villain is because his trauma was weaponized. And when you see it, you understand he is a victim of the endless perpetuating of violence in Latin America by the CIA through the School of the Americas, but no one talks about that. No one talks about the start of neoliberalism in the School of the Americas in 1973 with the murder of Allende and the placement of Pinochet.

It was important that the film reflected that reality that is not taught at school. It is why Susan [Sarandon's character] represents the Military Industrial Complex, and the rampant imperialism that exists in Latin America. She is a person that has been perpetrating trauma, and then using that trauma like the School of the Americas, which trained the locals so they'd invade their own people. There is nothing more nefarious than that, so it was important to me to have that exist in this movie, if only for a minute. Using fantasy to raise curiosity could help us be better informed and more emphatic.

When I joined the project, I wanted the movie to be somewhat anchored in realism, in real traumas that Latin America has experienced historically. But I wanted it to be recent, not to just go all the way back to Columbus, though we do tumble a statue of Columbus in the movie. We talk about the more recent and relevant history, the one that is not talked about, but should be remembered so it is not repeated.

And the name is a bit ridiculous, and some people may not realize this is actual history, so we intercut Carapax's flashbacks with archival footage of the School of the Americas to make it clear this is real. RM: The character is also indigenous, and you bring Carapax's native language into the movie, too. AS: Yes, we had him unlock his memory, and his language. It is an allegory for how colonized or imperialist education works overtime to erase our history and make us forget where we come from, because it makes it easier to control. We wanted to make this situation where, at the end of the day, his memory is freed and he can look back to the source of the trauma, and understand everything that happened to him. His being able to talk in his native tongue is the most explicit way to show that he could return to his origin and empower himself by that origin, to close that chapter and sacrifice his own master for the greater good.

[jjongolese]

Any Shawol, or other K-Pop fan that has been through something similar, YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF A GROUP/IDOL FOR RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET! If they don’t believe you or they’re accusing you of something you’re not, do not destroy your self worth just to stay with them.

Better people will come through when you least expect it, and I’m living proof that this exists. I left social media for months due to cyber bullying for being a Blinger (a SHINee fan that is Jonghyun biased) and decided to go to cupsleeve events to find K-Pop fans. By chance, I met two K-Pop fans on the streets of Piccadilly Circus/Oxford Circus that are super into K-Pop and love me for who I am without changing or removing any aspect of my identity. Pretty much, I feel comfortable talking about SHINee and Jonghyun with them without feeling awkward or judged. Everything is two-sided, authentic and this is the first time I ever felt like I wasn’t second priority in a friendship. I met other great Shawols too, but I just had to show my latest win.

If finding friends online isn’t working for you, then you can take a break and find friends elsewhere. Just because we’re living in the 21st century, doesn’t mean EVERYONE is looking for friends online. You got to try and find a place that makes you feel welcome and comfortable. There’s plenty of places that you could find, or you could just be lucky and bumped into the right person at the right time. Just get yourself out there and you could find someone without realising it.

I wish you all good luck on your journey!

[girl4music]

Dark Girls in Art/Entertainment / Identity VS Nature

What does hiding, disguising and performing all have in common? They’re all about putting on a show of being someone you’re not. Someone you don’t want to be for whatever reason that may be. Perhaps you’re ashamed of or insecure about your true face - true self - and so want to cover it up and hide yourself behind a blank slate. Or maybe you feel like hiding yourself isn’t enough. You have to fashion yourself a whole new persona - a character to play and perform as to distract your perceivers - your audience - from the real deal. And so your disguise - your costume - if you wear it long enough eventually becomes your identity. It’s all people ever see of you now and so it’s more natural to you than authentically being who or what you are.

The only thing is - just how long can you keep it up? And if you can’t keep in character - how is that going to effect you when you’re so desperate to disappear and crawl out of your own skin? How are you going to react when you realize it’s over and there’s no fooling them anymore? They can’t be convinced of your act and you no longer have control over their perception.

Dark girls (or guys I guess) are all about this. It’s what makes them such compelling characters. Because they’re so unpredictable. You don’t know what they’re going to do next or who they’re going to be next. They keep you guessing and therefore keep you enthralled. They never show up authentically. May not even be aware of who they authentically are in the first place. Yet they play the part as if they know who they are. And perhaps it’s because they’ve played it too long why they aren’t aware of their authentic selves. And so they go on an existential journey of discovery as if who and what they are already isn’t them and isn’t enough. As if parts of them are missing and they have to search those parts out and retrieve them. It’s like a dog trying to play fetch with its own tail in a way. At some point they will stop circling around themselves and catch whatever it is that they believe they’ve lost.

But I think the thing that’s most intriguing about this characterization is that the person they are and want to be is always one in the same anyway, and so there was never really any need to go looking for it. But it’s always in the looking for it that is what shows this to be true. That is what tells that character that it is true. And that’s always more compelling if that character happens to be a dark girl (or guy) because it often comes with a shift in tone as well as perspective. Hence the term “dark” as the adjective for them. You’re not merely watching some character development of consciousness. You’re getting the whole fucking package all in one. All their evolution emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually at once. And that’s why they’re constantly changing identity. Because they’re the embodiment for CHANGE itself.

They’re not ever authentically who they are precisely because they’re ALWAYS authentically who they are. And I know that’s contradictory. But somehow - when it comes to art/entertainment - it just fucking works! To have a character who’s entire characterization is essentially identity vs nature hot potato - in a constant fluctuation that they never settle on any one solitary specific identity in their entire character arc - that’s honestly the most authentic a person can be because what it represents is that identity isn’t solid or isn’t a permanence. It’s just a costume that we wear for the time being until we find something else that is more appropriate or better fits us. And sometimes that “something” doesn’t even exist and therefore has to be created. What we eventually come to realize through the journey is that what we believe is “missing” or “lost” in us is always with us as part of us. But you can’t ever come to that realization without going on the journey and believing that it isn’t and never will be. Thus the journey is important to go on even if pointless because the journey of going missing or getting lost is what brings us the realization that nothing was ever missing or lost in the first place.

When characters in art/entertainment go on that journey either out of their own volition or they’re forced into it - there’s something profound to be learned from it that’s akin to that old but effective method of spiritual masters advising you to seek enlightenment. All ways are the right way always.

Even if they’re wrong. Especially if they’re wrong.

[claireverything]

death’s daughter

I wanna talk about Goddess Kali because I love her.

I love her so much. 

She’s the fuel that I need. 

She’s the air that I breathe.

She’s my reason for existing, honestly. 

She is Truth. And that’s why I love her. Because she’s aligned with authenticity. She’s aligned with what’s real and what’s true. And truth feels fucking fantastic let me tell you. Truth feels so fucking good. Go on, try it. Breathe it in. If you know, you know: Truth is fantastic.

And that’s why Kali is so powerful. That’s why she’s such a powerful goddess and such a powerful energy. Because Truth is power, inherently. Truth is inherently powerful because it’s the truth. Truth is something we can work with. It has substance, it has weight. 

It has power. 

Moving through life embodied as Truth, embodied as Authenticity, however, can feel far from good sometimes. Why? Because I come into contact with people who are living so far from Truth and don’t even know it. People who are so blindly attached to false identities and false concepts that they think I’m the problem. I’m the one that’s showing up “wrong” or fucking things up when the whole time, it’s their fucking shadow. It’s your shadow. It’s you. It’s the part of yourself you have no idea about or that you (not so) conveniently choose to ignore. You’re the problem. Look at yourself. Look within yourself. This ain’t got nothing to do with me. I’m just your mirror. 

You’re welcome. 

Now back to my peace. 

[justsome-di]

Jo Sheryl began speaking. Her voice was low. She rocked back and forth on her feet and waved her hand as she ran through notes and a slide show. The lecture hall was silent except for her baritone washing over the waves of seats.

She talked about how she first came up with the idea for her graphic novel and how it seemed to blow up overnight as she was posting it to her blog. The response to it had been overwhelming. With love for Minnie came long-awaited-for acceptance for herself. She had received the positivity she had been seeking for years and also provided it back in turn for those who needed to see themselves in comics.

It was a cycle, she emphasized. When queer people lifted each other up, they lifted themselves up. When queer artists and writers wrote for themselves, they wrote for others and vice versa. The importance of community was never so evident to Jo as it was in the comment section of her comics. Strangers on the internet, all across the country, had made her feel more comfortable in herself than she had felt in a long time.

She was hiding less and less of herself not just to her audience but to the people around her. Though she was out to her family, she hardly ever talked about dating women in front of them. She had straight friends who she knew accepted her but didn’t understand the deeper parts of the LGBT community—the finer details of the history, the ongoing struggles, the little things Jo had to see and cope with every day. With the success of her comic, she started speaking up. Started showing herself more and more, no longer fearing isolation if they decided that she was being “too much.” There was now a massive community to fall back on. ...

“The one thing I want to tell all queer artists,” Jo said, “is that a lot of people are going to tell you no. Publishers will turn you down. Readers will leave nasty comments around the internet. It will feel like you’re not doing anything right for anyone because everyone has something to complain about. A lot of straight people who are trying to help you will tell you to ‘tone down the gay stuff.’”

There was a wave of laughter. Leo laughed, too, to show support and that he understood that pressure to suppress an identity, to try to be a more tolerable version of yourself for others.

“But,” Jo continued, “you don’t have to listen to any of those people. There’s a whole new world out there online where you can share your work with people who are looking to read it. If everyone else is telling you no, you need to give yourself permission to tell yourself ‘yes.’ And I want everyone here, even if you’re not an artist, to be as authentic to yourself as you can be. Even if—and I know you’re all in college so this might be the case—even if you don’t really know who you are yet. Keep telling yourself that you’re allowed to exist in whatever way you’re happiest. The world deserves to know the real you.”

excerpt from chapter 15 of neud (can be read here)