#trauma-based asexuality is real and valid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sasurvivorsupport · 11 days

Text

I have only spent three years in the online sexual abuse survivor community, because I was unaware of most of the sexual abuse, and what I was aware of, I didn't experience as traumatizing. I only joined online CSA survivor communities when I was 19, a year after I found out I was sexually abused younger than I originally thought- as early as 2 or 3. I wish I could say the online CSA survivor community helped me heal, but unfortunately it made my mental health worse. I observed some awful, low shit happen in the community of what's supposed to be survivors helping each other out. I'll make a complete list of everything I witnessed and endured in the online CSA survivor community: (note: this is NOT victim blaming. CSA survivors arent automatically perfect angels just because they were victimized- anyone can be toxic regardless of trauma history or lack thereof.)

Slut shaming other survivors. I mostly saw this from female CSA or rape survivors who's abuser was male and are asexual, sex repulsed, or lesbian as a result. They would go after CSA survivors who were hypersexual, straight, posting thirst traps, in the sex industry, or enjoyed the SA. All of these are typical responses to CSA. Hypersexuality is one of the most common responses to CSA, and most sex workers, including pornstars, are CSA survivors. These female sex repulsed survivors who slut shame other hypersexual survivors are exclusionists- they invalidate real CSA survivors and spread the inaccurate stereotype we've had for decades: "Sexual abuse/assault/rape survivors can only be females sexually abused/assaulted/raped by men, asexual, sex repulsed or lesbian because of the trauma, hate sex and dress modest, and men can't be sexually abused. Also sexual abuse is always aversive and never enjoyable." None of that was based in facts. First, males get sexually abused just as much as females, its a real statistic that gets brushed under the rug. Its not as common for CSA survivors to be asexual because of the trauma. And neither is being lesbian. Females can sexually abuse, assault and rape other females and males. The last statement is the most problematic. Sexual abuse is most often enjoyable, it doesn't feel like abuse. The body is designed to like sex. Its a normal reaction. A kid who gets sexually touched doesn't know their body is being violated, they cant understand things like that yet. Saying that you're supposed to feel violated and traumatized when you don't, saying "your body was violated! you're supposed to feel violated!" leads to shame. I only felt violated after finding out I was supposed to. I enjoyed the SA and didn't even know I was being violated. This is the main reason why the online CSA survivor community hurt me so much. I would receive hate anons calling me a slut and telling me to get "raped for real and traumatized by it." I believed that and I self harmed for two years believing that, until I was self conscious about my arms and legs. Feeling like I wasn't valid, wasn't abused and was just a slut mentally destroyed me and left me with more trauma than the SA. Because other survivors online traumatized me and not the SA, I thought they were right and invalidated myself. This is why I started this blog. To bring validation to invalidated SA survivors.

Invalidating male survivors. I saw many radfems doing this. They would say all men are bad, all men are predators. That's not true at all. Males get sexually abused, assaulted and raped just as much as females. They're just seen as wimpy and weak when they come out as survivors because being sexually abused/assaulted and raped isnt seen as macho. Males are demonized by society and that's another reason males are seen as "always predators." Radfems are toxic, and honestly society is toxic. Misandry is just as bad as misogyny. Nobody should be discriminated against or seen as inherently bad because of their gender at birth or gender identity. Males can be sexually abused, assaulted and raped too, and females are sometimes the predators.

Not talking about COCSA. Its common and never gets any recognition. Us COCSA survivors feel like its some rare occurrence because there's too much attention put on the female survivors of men. Children can sexually abuse other children. It happened to me. Kids get exposed to sexual content through magazines, advertisements, parents who watch porn around the child, and the child could've been sexually abused by an adult before they reenacted the abuse on another child. COCSA is still a valid form of sexual abuse and survivors deserve to feel valid and recognized.

Kink shaming. Kinks are often from sexual abuse. I already mentioned how some survivors slut shame other survivors. This is a part of that. Having kinks doesn't make you a perv, slut or anything else anyone calls you. It doesn't invalidate the sexual abuse you suffered. Everyone is affected differently and every way is valid.

If this was too long to read, my point is the online SA survivor community mentally damaged me because of stereotypes, shaming and people who couldn't handle what happened to them so they inflicted pain on other people online. Social media is a very dark place with a lot of hate and invalidation. Not every survivor acts this way but i was surrounded by them, even friends with one for years and struggled to end the friendship but thats for my next post. Also ik I'm gonna get hate comments so if you plan on posting harassment in the comments just leave.

#tw sex trafficking #tw csa mention #tw csa #tw sa #tw sa mention #tw rap3 #tw r4p3 #tw cocsa

0 notes

catharsistine · 3 years

Text

To Write A Good Villain

TW: loss of control, hallucinogenics, dr*gs, sc*rs, venom, bl*od, death, defeat, s*x, god, volcanoes, pr*dtors, m*rder, j*alousy, smoking, ab*se, cheating, sl*very, oppression, servitude, vampires, destruction.

Technically, I'm here on Tumblr as a writer. So. It's time I contributed my itty bitty bit.

Many things make a good story. Some claim it is world-building, some think it the cast of protagonists, some the vivid descriptions. All of those elements, however, will seem lacklustre, if your story does not have a good villain. What use is an MC with glorious superpowers or magic, if there is nothing to oppose them? Can there be any victory without a great evil?

In real life? Perhaps. In any fictional world? No. The readers tune in for awesome conflict, so we writers must provide, and enjoy ourselves while doing so.

So what does make a great villain?

Before we explore that, let us review the types of villains. Most important to remember is that a villain need not be human. In literature, there can be many types of discord:

- Person Vs Self: Often used as a compelling subplot, this kind of conflict is valid when a person needs to do something that is opposed to their inner self, something they find morally, emotionally or intellectually repulsive. Eg; A scholar forced to indulge in activities that are unscientific, like smoking when they know it is bad for their health. A pacifist who is forced into a war situation and must commit murder to save their own or their family's lives. A person seeking enlightenment struggles with jealousy when their guru finds a new favourite. (IMPORTANT: Feeling conflicted due to one's morals is acceptable. Hating oneself due to a mental disorder is not. Please do not use mental illness as a plot point.)

- Person Vs Person: Often used as a primary plot point in standalone stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person bears a personal grudge or hatred toward another. Eg; A wrestler hating someone who defeated them in the ring through sabotage. A child-hating the murderer that orphaned them and their sibling. A person hating their lover who manipulated, gas-lit or cheated on them. (IMPORTANT: Ensure that abuse and abusers are not romanticized, that the healing journey of the character does not lead to them forgiving their abuser. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite for closure. Please do not encourage abuser-abused relationships.)

- Person Vs Society: Often used as a primary plot point in dystopian stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person aims to fight against a law or a government that systematically oppresses them. Eg; A womon fighting against the law which considers them as lower-class citizens. A PoC fighting against slave laws. A member of the working class rebelling against the bourgeoisie. (IMPORTANT: If you are not a minority, do not presume you are qualified to tell their story. Our stories belong to us alone, and taking away from us the privilege of sharing our trauma when we feel comfortable enough to do so is the worst kind of representation. Please remember if you occupy a position of power, you have no right to speak on our behalf. Already we are often silenced, do not participate in that further if you claim to be an ally.)

- Person Vs Machine: Often used as a primary plot point in science fiction stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when any man-made object gains enough intelligence to be considered sentient and becomes a threat to humanity. Eg; A machine that acts as a maid desiring to be free of the bonds of its servitude. An AI which does not have empathy and value for human life. A robot that attempts to destroy mankind. (IMPORTANT: These conflicts are often intricate, and can be spun anyway. Perhaps a human tries to teach a robot to love, and the result is embarrassing in a comedic way. But do not try to equate people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums, people with mental illness or people with severe trauma to these AI. They are extremely discriminated against. Please, do not contribute to the stigma.)

- Person Vs Nature: Often used as a compelling subplot, this kind of conflict is valid when a person is pitted against fauna and flora in a vulnerable state. Eg; A captive who has escaped their bonds only to come upon a harsh landscape. A person with severe allergies visits a place that is opposed to their disposition. A person with a grudge against a famous wild animal who bit off their leg. (IMPORTANT: In many such stories, a trend is that a character comes across a hostile tribal group. These tribes are portrayed only the negative attributes of certain PoC cultures. Doing so is blatantly racist and highly offensive. Please refrain from representing us in such appalling ways.)

- Person Vs Fate/Supernatural: Often used as a primary plot point in fantasy and YA stories and movies, this kind of conflict is valid when a person is threatened or working against a force that is outside nature. Eg; A person coming across a magical artefact belonging to a god, and the devil's henchmen are after it, but it has bonded to them. A lower-level employee working in a tampon factory accidentally discovering their boss is a deadly vampire. A person falling in love, only to discover their partner is heir to a clan of selkies, and their younger sibling plans on overthrowing them. (IMPORTANT: Oftentimes, the villains are given physical and cultural attributes exclusive to PoC and their culture, like the antagonist having dreadlocks or enjoying food that lies outside white cuisine. Please realise that is racist.)

How to create a proper villain:

1. Motive.

Arguably the most important factor in a villain is motive. Their end goal must be reasonable(depends on their moral compass), achievable(depends on their means), and must cause moral conflict in the protagonist.

Eg; Due to childhood trauma, a villain feels weak and unsafe in their own skin. Adopting a terrifying persona, they seek to control everyone around them, and by extension, the world, through a potent hallucinogen. Considered worthless until they design a new identity, the villain is only considered a threat when they overthrow a monarchy/gain obscene amounts of money/create a giant machine. The MC knows that the villain is wrong in their actions, but understands that their henchmen are drugged, and must choose a different course of action than brute force to defeat them.

2. Power/Skill

Expanding on the earlier point of a goal being achievable, a villain must have the capabilities to obtain the prize they desire. If they perform actions outside their means, the entire premise becomes boring and unrealistic. Unless the villain is playing pretend for a future plot twist, humble the antagonist before they get out of hand.

Eg; A machine cannot destroy the world if they do not have an intricate base code if they are not linked to machines around the world. An animal cannot be famous unless its existence is questionable unless it is more mythical than real unless it possesses some quality (a missing tooth, a scar across their eye) that the others of its breed do not have. Kindness cannot be a source of a moral dilemma if it is not shown in many actions of the protagonist.

3. Appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, the way a villain looks contributes greatly to their story. If the appearance of an antagonist does not match their other attributes, the villain may fall flat and feel one-dimensional.

Eg; If a person comes from humbler beginnings, them wearing designer clothes is not feasible. A wealthier person should at least maintain the appearance of being well-groomed, but a few things out of place, such as a tie clip, messy eyeliner, or stubble are acceptable, perhaps due to lack of respect for themselves, or mania from unfulfilled desires. If a plant is secretly venomous, let insects keep away from it. If a werewolf is known to violently transition, let them have a feral look in their eye, larger canines and stronger jawbones.

4. Presence

Outside of appearance, the overall vibe of the villain is of the utmost importance. Their aesthetic instils fear, inspires awe, which is one of the primary things that cause audiences to secretly root for them. Their smooth delivery of scathing, savage lines makes us fall in love with them. Having a stellar, scary presence amplifies whatever the villain does tenfold.

Eg; If a villain wears a daring dress, different from the style of their era, it will make them seem much more impressive. Fresh after a murder, if they have blood splattered on their face, it will make the ghastliness of their actions more resounding. If they're haunting little children, having grotesque features instead of sharp ones will terrify the kids more, and the readers.

5. Backstory

Why did the villain become a villain in the first place? This is perhaps the most important question when it comes to antagonists. Not only do backstories help us understand the villain's motives and reasons better, but readers may also root for them if they glimpse a part of them reflected in the villain, making the tale more painful to read.

Eg; If a bully has been abused at home, it explains their actions. If a villain was in a situation where their body was not theirs, their actions may be born out of a desire for control.

Things to avoid:

1. Do not make them a caricature. Avoid toxic and dull stereotypes such as "catty ex-girlfriend", "sex-crazed womon", "evil old pr*dator" etc. Not only are these caricatures cartoonish and overused, but they also make a villain hollow and lifeless. Villains are humans too, give them quirks, bad habits and things they enjoy, beliefs of their own. (Eg; They enjoy watching cat videos, smoke or bite their nails, enjoy mixing drinks for fun, and think God is a hoax.)

2. Avoid coding them as PoC or LGBTQ+. If you have a diverse cast of various races, ethnicities, sexualities and genders, then it is completely alright to write another such character as the villain. However, if your only minority character is the villain, that is highly problematic.

3. A backstory does not equate to sympathy. If the villain's actions are extremely reprehensible, including and not limited to; r*pe, g*nocide, ab*se or s*rial murder, please do not try to redeem them. Understanding someone's motives is wildly different from making the audiences sympathize with them. Do not romanticize their flaws.

4. Lastly, humble them. A villain will always entertain the audiences if they suffer a bit too. Instead of constant angst and pain, add lighter moments, moments where they stumble, trip, are tired or bored. This would make their eventual death/defeat burn even more, and the audience will definitely mourn the loss of a wonderful antagonist.

Like a volcano, a true villain leaves ashes in their wake, but their fire forces the protagonists to solidify into stone. Let their actions echo into the age.

#writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #writer #writing tips #writing advice #am writing #tumblr writers #writing community #villians #antagonist #evil #backstory #writing tricks #writing help #okay im done

22 notes · View notes

nullbutexe · 4 years

Text

SHADOWHUNTERS - Created by Ed Decter - Based on The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Content Warning - Mentions of abuse, suicide, self harm, internalised homophobia and drugs.

The Netflix show Shadowhunters has a lot of important topics to talk about. These include sexuality, grief, addiction, religion and mental illness.

Firstly, the Warlock, Magnus. Magnus Bane is an openly bisexual male who doesn't conform to gender roles. He is not ashamed to talk about his past relationships with both men and women, which is something that is not really seen within the LGBT community. People often hide their sexuality or gender identity due to fear of being treated differently, but Magnus is so open about his sexuality. He is not ashamed of who he is and is proud of his identity, something everyone should aspire to be, regardless of their gender identity or sexuality.

Magnus embraces his femininity, unlike a lot of cisgender men. He wears makeup (specifically eyeliner, which he describes as his tiger stripes) and paints his nails, something which is a stereotypically feminine trait (although that is slowly changing). As well as this, a lot of his clothing could be described as 'feminine'. This shows other LGBTQ+ people that they are able to embrace their femininity regardless of their gender identity; Things should not be gendered. Experimenting with your gender expression should not be looked down on. Everyone should be able to be free to express themselves however they want without fear of judgement. Magnus’ character is the embodiment of this. He is never judged for how he expresses himself.

Magnus is also shown to struggle with the loss of magic and therefore turns to alcohol, which is a very negative coping mechanism. He ends up having a breakdown in front of his (at the time) boyfriend as a result of drinking too much and not being able to cope with his magic being taken away. Magnus has friends who help him through his loss, especially Alec, who reminds him he is no less of a person without his magic and that he still loves him regardless. People often turn to alcohol or drugs as they believe it will distract them from their issues, which is why this portrayal is very true to the real world. Magnus feels a loss of identity through losing his magic, which is to be expected since he has has magic for over four hundred years. He feels powerless and useless without this huge part of him, however he is lucky to have a huge support system to help him through his dark times.

As well as the trauma from losing his magic twice, Magnus also suffers from PTSD due to events of his past. When body swapped with Valentine, the Clave use the agony rune on Magnus as a form of torture to get him to tell them where the Mortal Cup is. The rune only ends up bringing up past trauma which he has spent centuries trying to bury. After returning to his body, Magnus talks to Alec about what he did and explains that he never wanted Alec to see this ugly side of him. Showing Magnus so vulnerable and talking about his trauma shows people that opening up can help them move on from events of the past. Alec is extremely comforting towards Magnus and expresses how he thinks there is nothing ugly about him. This seems to be a huge relief for Magnus.

Next, Shadowhunter Alec. Alec Lightwood is one of the few gay characters who hasn't been portrayed in a stereotypical way. He is the leader of the New York Institute and is incredibly masculine, which is very different to how gay men are usually portrayed in the media. Having a (now openly) gay man be someone that high up in status is important as it shows other gay or LGBTQ+ people that they can do everything that a non LGBTQ+ person can do and more. By being open about the fact he is gay to the rest of the Institute, it gives other LGBTQ+ Shadowhunters the confidence to be able to talk about their sexuality or gender, as shown by Underhill who tells Alec how inspirational he is. As well as other characters now being confident in opening up about their sexuality, a lot of fans would have also found inspiration in Alec's bravery to come out the way he did. Alec also dealt with a lot of internalised homophobia due to his status and his family, which is something a lot of people can relate to as people are often ashamed of their sexuality due to judgemental family or how society can portray the LGBTQ+ community. Alec managed to get rid of the internalised homophobia with the help of his family and friends, and his now husband. This shows to fans that there are people who support them greatly and will never judge them. Having supportive people around you can help immensely and can save someone's life.

In season 2 episode 4, Alec is possessed by a demon who uses his body to kill Jocelyn, Clary’s mother. He feels incredibly guilty about this and blames himself, despite the others telling him not to. We don’t see much more about Alec’s guilt until season 2 episode 8, in which Alec’s worst fears are brought out due to Iris’ attack on Magnus’ apartment. When talking to Clary on the balcony, he hears her blame him for her mother’s death, when in reality she is trying to talk him down from the balcony. He tries to jump, but luckily Magnus catches him before he manages to. After the attack has been resolved, Magnus talks about how magic cannot create fears, but bring them out, showing just how much Jocelyn’s death effected Alec. As well as Alec almost falling from the balcony, we see him repeatedly shoot arrows which results in his fingers bleeding. This seems like a type of self harm for him, as he doesn’t use the healing rune to fix up the wounds. Magnus points this out as well as the fact that Alec is clearly hurting due to what the demon did. He explains that Alec hopes the pain in his fingers will overpower the pain he is feeling from the guilt, but that it is not that easy. Magnus does all he can to try and comfort Alec.

In the finale of season 3B, we see Alec as Inquisitor and Magnus as High Warlock of Alicante. Previously, there would never have been a High Warlock for any of the Shadowhunter cities, as Downworlders and Shadowhunters were generally separated. By being open about their relationship and Alec being so high in power, they managed to change how the Shadowhunters treat other Downworlders. They ultimately end up working with each other instead of against. Magnus and Alec changed the world with their relationship. They ended the blatant racism between Downworlders and Shadowhunters and they are finally treated as equal.

When planning his and Magnus’ wedding, he states he would like to have it at the Institute. He explains that this is because the Clave would have to celebrate a relationship between a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder under their own roof. Having the wedding in the Institute shows how much Alec is willing to do to abolish the clear racism and hatred of Downworlders within the Clave. This, along with several other acts during the one year time skip (I imagine), had a huge effect on the perception on Downworlders and both Shadowhunters and Downworlders end up working together.

Raphael Santiago is (while nothing is explicitly said about his sexuality) an asexual vampire. He explains to Izzy that he's not interested in sex, implying he is asexual, which was then comfirmed by the book writer, Cassandra Clare. Vampires are often portrayed as sexual beings in the media, and the fact that Raphael is asexual is completely different from the norm. There isn't a lot of asexual representation in the media and is often completely forgotten about, so seeing a character be open about his asexuality to one of his friends gives representation to an often ignored sexuality. Having this kind of representation is important as it lets other asexual people know they aren't alone and also validates their feelings.

Raphael also manages to keep his faith throughout his life time despite everything he has been through. When he becomes mundane again, he talks about how he went to morning mass for the first time in 80 years. In the season finale of 3B, he states to Simon and Isabelle that he joined the seminary and is on his way to becoming a priest. Despite the hell he has been through, he still managed to keep his faith and intends to devote his life to it. To other religious people who might watch the show, it tells them that they should never give up on their faith, regardless of what they go through. Despite not being a religious person myself, I can fully understand how that may be comforting.

We see Raphael’s sister struggle with dementia as it ultimately worsens and she easily forgets who Raphael is. Despite her not knowing who he is, he visits her often and spends as much time as possible with her. In season 3 episode 3, Raphael gets a phone call from the nursing home explaining that she has passed away. This very clearly affects him a lot, and he immediately turns to Izzy for comfort. He is upset that he cannot attend her funeral due to it being during the day, so Izzy promises that she will go in his place. When he becomes mundane again, he goes to Rosa’s grave and plants flowers for her, something he hadn’t been able to do previously. I think this would have been a huge weight off of his chest.

In season 3 episode 5, the head of security, Underhill, talks to Alec about how he is an inspiration for being in a same sex relationship with a downworlder. He explains that if it wasn’t for Alec he would have never had the courage to come out to the Institute. He had to keep his private life separate from his job at the institute until Alec had the courage to show his true feelings for Magnus. This just proves how much of an inspiration Alec is to the rest of the Institute.

As well as Underhill, Shadowhunters Helen (who is half Seelie) and Aline also end up having the courage to be together. In the finale, we see them kiss at Alec and Magnus’ wedding after talking about what they could wear for their own wedding. Their relationship is a similar one to Alec and Magnus, as it is a same sex relationship and one of them is part Downworlder. If it wasn’t for Magnus and Alec being open about their relationship, I doubt they would have been able to be public with their own.

Luke Garroway’s partner, Ollie Wilson, is also in a same sex relationship. While she and her girlfriend, Sam, are a minor part of the show, it gives us another same sex relationship but with mundanes instead of the Shadow World. The two share everything with each other and seem to be in a very committed and loving relationship.

The show also deals with drug addiction, as seen in Isabelle Lightwood. Victor Aldertree gives Izzy Yin Fen, a drug made from vampire venom, as a pain relief for her demon wound. Yin Fen is immediately addicting and Aldertree gives her a jar of it to use when she needs it. Once she finds out what it is from the Iron Sisters, she tried to stay clean, but ends up suffering from really bad withdrawals. In response to this, she tries to find some vampires who are willing to feed from her to get her fix of venom. Raphael agrees to do this, which only gets him addicted to her blood. They both agree that it would be best for them both to stop. Izzy then uses candy as a way to control her withdrawals. Through this and the support of her brother, she manages to stay clean.

Abuse is also heavily dealt with. Johnathan, Clary’s brother, was sent to Edom at a young age and suffered torture from Lilith. She burned him constantly, and when he returned to Earth, he continued to burn himself as a sort of reminder. As well as physically abusing Johnathan, Lilith also mentally abused him, telling him that no one would come for him. This clearly affected him for the rest of his life and he continues to struggle with the trauma of the abuse. When connected by the twinning rune, the behaviour of burning himself was also transferred to Clary. They slowly become more connected and behaviours are shared.

Every topic discussed within the show was dealt with in a very mature and understanding way. With such heavy topics being included, there is always the potential for there to be bad writing as people often struggle to understand certain concepts, but they were all very well written and dealt with maturely. All of these things combined have made Shadowhunters one of the most representative shows to ever exist. These are the reasons why it has become one of my favourite shows and why I will never let it go, even though it’s officially over. It didn’t deserve to end at all, but I’m just glad we got to have this amazing show exist in the first place.

Thank you to the cast and crew, who have done an amazing job portraying some of the best characters and storylines. Thank you for making me and a lot of others feel like they aren’t alone in the world.

#shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #raphael santiago #isabelle lightwood #andrew underhill #johnathan morgenstern

34 notes · View notes

the-fandom-at-the-moment-blog · 4 years

Text

Ok but something that really tires me is that we mostly only talk about Jon when telling not to do (which sometimes is even can of meh) and the two points ive seen brought up the most are:

Dont write smut of Jon cause he is canonically ace and most likely sex repulsed

Dont simp for Jon cause he is ace

im going to adress the second point first cause its quicker: you can simp for Jon. He is not real,you can simp for him. You can make characters find him attractive or sexy or hot or whatever you want to describe it as cause its fiction. As long as you dont insult asexual people is alright and i would even recommend getting an ace beta reader if you want to tackle the topic

Now,the first point is more complicated. Yes,Jon has been stated canonically as not having sex and he seems to find no desire in it in the whole series. However,there are some reasons why asexual people may have sex:

They have no sexual attraction but they feel arousal and want to relieve themselves

They find it as a way to bond with someone

Reproduction

They want to try it out

They are figuring out their sexuality and having sex may be part of it

Demisexual people

Their asexuality being flud

There are much,much more reasons and they are all valid. As long as the author or fanfic doesnt shed a bad light on ace people its alright. If you notice an honest mistake on a fanfic point it out. If its not your cup of tea thats alright too,not a single fic works for everyone.

As a sex repulsed ace person im tired of my sexuality only being brought up when its to tell people what not to do. Again,if an author makes a mistake, definitely contact them. So now im going to make a list of things that authors could do relating ace sex repulsed Jon:

How did he find out?

What type of bondings does he do with a partner when an allo couple would have sex

What are his boundaries?

Is he comfortable with his type of attraction? (Some aces are not,some are. Both are valid)

Make him tell/hear ace jokes

What things does jon fail to understand on a sex based society?

Does this affect how he thinks of himself?

Does his sexuality stem from trauma? (Valid either way)

How would he deal having an allo partner?

How does he deal with opression?

This are just some ideas, definitely add more if you have them

I will gladly answer any question anyone has and go over some things if someone didnt understand

#the magnus archives #the magnus pod #jonathan sims #asexual #asexuality #asexual awareness #ace #demisexual #tma #mag

34 notes · View notes

bambi-lesbian-posts · 4 years

Text

None of you have really asked me why I keep doing routine "cleansings" or why I keep trying to evaluate the people interacting with my blog, but I'm going to explain it anyway.

As someone with a considerable following, during a very serious time of human rights issues, health issues, and politics.. I think it's extremely important that I keep an eye on who interacts with my blog. What you say and what you do defines you just as much as those you keep in your company. Judgements on one's character are heavily influenced by what people see in ALL of your interactions, both online and offline, private and public.

I hold myself to very strict standards, and my morals and personal opinions drive almost every decision I make. I do not want anyone with contradicting morals to be associated with me. I try to be perfectly clear about all of my opinions, because the last thing I want is for someone to assume something about me based off of some ridiculous rumor. Here, just in case anyone has missed what I've been trying to say for the last few years, is a list of my most important opinions and morals. If you disagree with ANY of these, I will politely ask you to stop interacting with me.

Trans peoples are real people, their identities are all valid and wonderful (this includes non-binary peoples and a-gender people as well)

Race is important, it is tied to one's culture and history, and should never be forgotten. However you should not treat anyone as lesser than because of their skin pigmentation. Ever. No exceptions.

Pansexuality and bisexuality are similar, but not the same. Pansexuality is real and respectable.

Bisexual people and pansexual people will not cheat on you because of their identity. They are not "more prone to cheating" because they are interested in identities and genders outside of your own.

Gender and sexuality should have nothing to do with one's actions or abilities in the workplace or in public. Men, women, and those other or in-between should be on equal ground

He/him lesbians are valid

MAPs (minor attracted people) are NEVER valid

Your past relationships or identities do not define you unless you want them to. (This is in regards to "gold star lesbian" pushers)

Every life has value, and everyone deserves basic human rights. Even those convicted of crimes.

Religion does not have much to do with you romantic or sexual identity.

The de-sexualization of lgbtq spaces is wanted and necessary, lgbtq youth should be able to have fun and enjoy their identity without seeing borderline pornography.

The separation of romantic and sexual attractions is good and necessary for some people. Both lgbtq children and those with trauma should be able to clarify these differences to keep themselves safe and comfortable within relationships and environments.

Asexual peoples are valid.

#bambi lesbian posts #personale #charlize #lesbiansafe #bambi lesbian #lesbian #butch

50 notes · View notes

kingofthewilderwest · 5 years

Note

How would you explain to someone whose never watched a clip of Bojack, to watch the show as a new viewer *It's me, I've never watched the show before and I'm interested*

Is it my birthday? Because you just gave me a gift prompt. ;) Sure! I’d be happy to sell what I find so appealing about the show.

BoJack Horseman is a show perfectly combining comedy and tragedy. It’s both genres. With a cast of three-dimensional, relatable, sometimes wacky characters, we can experience their highest highs and lowest lows, their victories and their vices, their hope and their grief, their laughter and their tears.

Raw heart affirming humanity’s greatest fears and struggles. When you start it, BJH seems like a show of empty cynicism, following the trend contemporary adult comedy takes, being “gritty” to be “cool.” However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. BJH is written with heart, boring into the core of humanity, candidly acknowledging the struggles, horrors, and existential crises that eat at the back of our minds but we’re too scared to mention aloud. This show asks us why we’re empty, why we feel life is meaningless, and uses the story of several characters’ lives to explore how we might or might not cope with that.While the show can be emotionally harsh, it’s simultaneously validating to have your greatest struggles given VOICE on television in such a deep, profound, raw, and honest way. There’s infinite times I’ve stared at the screen, thinking, “Damn. They WENT there.”

Brilliant writing. Whether we’re talking single episodes, season arcs, or the full series, the writers knew what they were doing. Admittedly it takes several seasons for the writing team to find their optimal flow (S1 is rough compared to S6). There’s rare episodes I’d consider duds. But the writing team, hitting their stride, produces the highest quality of storytelling. Plot arcs have natural shape and momentum. The writers know how to use traditional techniques (A and B stories that parallel each other) while taking narrative novel directions (BJH treats the series as real life with constant ebb and flow, rather than achievement and resolution, meaning that times you’d expect resolution or closure you might not get it). Climaxes hit hard. Everything is inserted with purpose; it’s relevant and comes together.There’s episodes I’ll never forget because they’re so brilliant it’s breathtaking. There’s episodes that shouldn’t work but do. (Yes, I’m talking “Free Churro.”) Dialogue is on par. Humor makes me cackle. The wittiest wordplay bits I’ve ever heard flaunt assonance, alliteration, rhyme, homophony, and more in rapid-paced delivery. You can understand every character action and choice. Artistic animation choices depict emotions in raw ways. The amount of nuance to the stories’ messages is impressive. And by the time you end the series, it’s amazing to feel how far you’ve come.

Fascinating cast where everyone’s perspectives are given value. All major characters - and many secondary characters - turn out to be lovable three-dimensional personalities with different perspectives on life. From Todd’s happy-go-lucky inspiration-based lifestyle, to Diane’s cynical social justice concerns, to Princess Carolyn’s ambitious work-heavy schedule, to Mr. Peanutbutter’s oblivious extroverted cheer… we get to understand the strengths to every character, and understand why their personal philosophy holds merit. At the same time, the show looks at everyone’s cracks and traumas, and in some amazingly nuanced writing, helps us both sympathetically understand why people make horrible, destructive choices, and why we’re morally accountable for the consequences. And yes, every single major character ends up having an interesting character growth arc through that.

Diversity representation. As a show about the heart of humanity, BJH also shows us a breadth of humanity and treats this diversity as normal. In addition to racial representation (like the main female lead being a Vietnamese-American woman), we have multiple prominent gay and lesbian characters, a healthy polyamorous relationship, multiple characters with mental illness, weight gain treated as healthy, and THE most authentic portrayal of asexuality (including multiple asexual romantics) I’ve EVER seen.

Do be aware: This show can feel hard-hitting to some viewers. My list of potential trigger warnings would go on long. As much as BJH is one of my favorite shows of all time, I cannot recommend it to everyone. If you prefer comedies in their purest form or have difficulties handling depressive materials in media, this show is not for you. But if you feel validated when stories acknowledge real human suffering, and enjoy consuming media with depth, then I couldn’t recommend this show enough. I laugh hard. I cry. And I’ll never forget the highs and lows of BoJack Horseman.

#analysis #non-dragons #BJH #BoJack Horseman #my analysis #ask #ask me #niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian #some of the humor gets a little too absurd for me at times but again #the overall show is like #DAMN #BJH meta #BoJack Horseman meta

147 notes · View notes

docbe · 4 years

Text

I’ve been thinking about terfs and like, the sort of mentality that would lead to further alienating an already vulnerable group like transgender people, and I think part of it comes down to the misunderstanding of -isms and prejudices and discrimination as being entirely a power struggle and not a complex interplay on a culture level that we all contribute to

The thing about feminism (and I’m saying this as a long-term feminist) is that historically, the roots of it were in oppression, and the academics and theory about sexism were largely about that oppression and the power dynamics at play. And there are power dynamics--there are certainly many people that actively pull strings to prevent gender equality and sabotage the opportunites of women and their ability to succeed. That is absolutely true

However, prejudice is not entirely power dynamics. The psychology that leads to societal-level -isms isn’t just a them-vs-us--it permeates to every member of that society. Women uphold sexist values in many ways--just look at conservative women who believe feminism is a hoax. For many ciswomen, the first people to slut-shame or tell them to dress and act more “lady-like” are mothers, grandmothers, etc. Sexism is a cultural institution that we all are a part of, and we all have to work to examine

But that’s a much more complicated narrative that doesn’t tend to be as easily implemented, and for people who have struggled, who have endured trauma and jeers and very directed misogyny, there is a very real source for most of it, and that tends to be cismen. The power struggle aspect of the conversation is still very real, and the rest of the conversation can feel very much like diluting the culpability of cismen in the direct traumatization of a lot of women. This gives way to a real and valid sort of frustration, and without actually being discussed and recognized, I think can lead sometimes to a sort of victim mindset, where the power struggle is the biggest, the main, and to some, the only institution of sexism...and sometimes the consequences of that is downplaying the intersectionality of the struggles of others, because it necessitates downplaying the complexity of prejudice and -isms at the social/cultural level and accountability for one’s own involvement in that situation

Because if all there is is power struggles, then of course trans people can’t be “real,” since sexism is solely men acting against women, and the things that cause trauma relating to gender are related directly to the biological differences in binary sex, with expectations beginning in childhood. And the problems surrounding race are backseat to the issues surrounding sexism, or at the very least, white feminists who understand power struggles can’t really be racist or shouldn’t be held accountable to the violences around racism. And bisexuality and asexuality and other non-heteronormative sexualities can’t really be real or can only be the result of traumas or brainwashing.

It’s interesting to see the people that become terfs too because, at least from what I’ve seen, they tend to be older women (who grew up closer to second-wave feminism and experienced more of these theories being shaped within their lifetime) or people who are educating themselves about feminism by visiting these power-struggled based theories without rounding out that education with broader discussions about the psychology of prejudice and about the struggles of other minority groups, like racism or transphobia. High school/college aged cis women who primarily are around other cis women and can insulate their community from others seem to pop up a lot.

Anyway, those are the patterns I’ve seen. Personally, I think everyone should be a feminist, but I also think it’s very important not to fall into a pocket where you can convince yourself it’s you vs the world--we’ve come a long way since the 70s in understanding how prejudice works. No one’s doing themselves any favors in convincing themselves that other people are anything but other people with their own set of complex psychology and experiences, who are all capable of embodying prejudices but are also capable of not doing that when given the right circumstances and education. Trans people, men, and the wide variety of people who occupy this world are not automatically the enemy of cis women, though unlearning and reflecting on cultural biases may be more difficult for some than others given their group and experiences, and some don’t want to learn at all, and some would love to continue actively controlling and flexing their power. But it’s not black and white, it’s not us vs them, it’s not that simple, and building those walls aren’t really going to help in the long run

#long post #sexism #transphobia #basically terfs just need to read more about ppl who arent themselves

10 notes · View notes

rowdyactivist · 5 years

Text

Lux by Scott Wells: A (heartfelt) review

I'm on page 1.

I've followed Scott's tumblr for awhile (see link at the bottom of the post). I've read his drabbles and the prequel, which I absolutely adored but should be addressed in another post.

I'm on page one, and I'm frightened.

Scott does an amazing job of throwing you into the cellar, disorganizing your thoughts and leaving you scrambling to collect them. Before you as a reader can do that, you're introduced to The Hunter. And oh, what a villian.

Is there anything more horrific than a bad guy who likes pain, who enjoys pain, and knows how to wield comfort as a weapon? No sir.

I'm on page 98.

First, can I say how much I adore Lux? The world feels so organic, the characters so real that I'm drawn into it from page one. It feels like the world could be really, truly a place I could go, it feels like a place I KNOW. I can touch it, I feel like, and that isn't something that usually happens. The quarrel between "normal" people and magic users mirrors the sort of struggles that I find myself facing a lot, it almost satirizes it while still managing to be completely serious, heartbreaking, and gut-wrenching. It really feels like I could walk down those streets.

And the characters. OH. BOY.

I know I mentioned the characters feel organic but I can't begin to describe it. PTSD is something I deal with daily and to see characters with such realistic and ugly symptoms is so refreshing I might actually cry.

No really, I might.

Characters with trauma and PTSD are rarely represented, and when they are it's damn near romanticized. This book doesn't do that in the slightest. As a reader you get to expierence the disorientation that trauma symptoms can bring about, and it's done in such a fluid way I can't help but be in a bit of awe. Scott doesn't shy away from the confusion, the disassociation, the anger and mood swings. I've never felt so wholly represented.

Lux, the main character, isn't the sort of main character you come across very often. He's queer for one thing, and that's already rare (THANK you, Scott). Lux is sweet, scared, well mannered and terrified, but he's also brave in his own right. It's a nice diversion from the usual hardass, good-at-everything MC.

The supporting characters are just my favorite. Kiara? A GEM, I'm in love with her. Anders? While it takes a chapter or two to really become invested in his character, it's easy to become attached.

108.

Something I love in stories are the little things, everyday activities. They're the most interesting to me. They show a characters true nature. I love that this book has it, it makes you feel like you're there and in the moment, like these characters are personal friends that you know.

114.

Oh this was always my favorite drabble. I LOVE watching whumpees break, finally, and the whumper stopping and thinking.... fuck. I went too far. No matter how old I get it will be my favorite thing.

208.

A big arc in the main character's journey is the story of Cole. The ten year old is brought down to the cellar while Lux is in captivity, and it awakens a dormant protective streak in him. I never quite understood Cole's arc just from snippets on Scott's tumblr, but reading it now in order from start to finish... I can say it is probably my favorite.

Lux battles with two main issues in this arc, the want to give into his conditioning, and the want to keep this little boy safe. And miraculously, the Hunter's training is never what he picks. He never chooses to forego some of the pain if it means Cole will be hurt.

Something I really love is the utter confusion you come across in this part of the book.

Lux's issue with telling the difference between real life and fantasy has been addressed, but not like this. Scott has a way of writing that puts you in Lux's shoes, that makes you just as unsure as he is as to what is really happening.

It's fucking captivating.

214.

Emory and Luz are perhaps the cutest couple I have read about, and the chemistry between them is captivating. Even I was blushing. There's one part that feels... rather emotional to me, though maybe it isn't meant to. Emory is speaking to Lux about hesitation, about saying no, and a particular piece of dialogue comes up.

"If you don't want to have sex, Lux, you don't have to. No matter what. If you don't even like it ever, that's okay, it doesn't make me like you any less."

It's a very profound moment to me at the very least because... that's not a message I often see in books, television... I've only heard it from other people talking to me directly. It's comforting somehow. As an asexual guy who isn't interested in sex, I rarely hear this message, and I am so, so glad it was included.

Lux as a character gives off an... asexual sort of vibe.

And yes, maybe it's caused by trauma, maybe it's not, or maybe I'm wrong entirely. But asexuality as a reaction to trauma doesn't make it any less valid, that's what mine is based off of.

I could actually cry seeing a character like this.

And then we reach the ending, what do I say about that?

Years have passed since I have been truly engrossed and encapsulated into the world of a book. Years have passed since I got to the last page, the last line, and felt a bittersweet sadness overtake me. It's that need to go back, the want to have more and the knowledge that you can't have it.

Lux by Scott Wells is an amazing book that manages to put the heart and excitement back into reading. It draws you in, enthralls you and terrifies you. The way the story is told - through little snippets, through personal and up close moments - is ingenious and makes you think of storytelling in a way you never have before. It reminds you that at it's core, writing a book and crafting a world is innately personal. Throughout the course of the book you'll come to love Lux, you'll come to fear the Hunter... and then you'll learn to pity him.

Brilliant plotline, unforgettable characters, and a story to remember.

[Find the author at @friendlylocalwhumper ]

#about the author #finally finished the book and i have a LOT of emotions so have a review #from me to you #i recommend you all read his work i really do #i am emotional and will certainly be reading this book again in the near future #good on you man #god i read the and nearly had a stroke why do we all live in the northeast #i grew up in new jersey its both beautiful and insanely fucking haunted #live in Penn now tho lol #significantly less haunted here #thanks for the adventure #and thanks for reigniting my love of reading... its been awhile #okay im dome being emotional BYE

90 notes · View notes

renardtrickster · 5 years

Text

Sometimes reading exclusionists explaining why they’re right is an exercise in frustration.

“No but you see asexual people aren’t LGBT I automatically assume that it’s attention seeking and they’re either closted true LGBT or cishets pretending. Besides they can’t exist because it’s like a hormonal imbalance or trauma or something. Ignore the fact that “gay kids are gay because they got molested” was a talking point *cough*Alfie’s Home*cough* and nevermind pathologization but the general idea works in this specific case.”

“The split attraction model is stupid and terrible but I’ll adopt it for a second so I can point out how they’re either het aces or already LGBT (bi ace, gay ace, etc). Aro doesn’t exist.”

“Also they aren’t oppressed, the worst they get is people online being mean. Ignore the fact that these ‘people online’ exist in real life and actually hold those views too. Also ignore the fact that I usually don’t place any stock in the ‘validity is equal to oppression’ mindset, but I am right now.”

“Actual cases of IRL harassment & persecution? Never heard of her. It’s either a hoax because I don’t have physical proof of it like from a news station (which I usually distrust but not in this situation) or they were harassed for a different reason. It makes more sense for an attack on an ace person to be because of homophobia or misogyny than for being asexual, and I’m saying this with no proof it was based on either of those things but trust me. I’m also glossing over the fact that an ace person got attacked or harassed regardless but don’t worry about it.”

#oh no renardie is posting #infoxicated #let's all guess how long it will take for me to block the notes on this post

3 notes · View notes

aro-neir-o · 6 years

Text

Results PART 1 DESCRIPTIVE DATA: Aro-Spec Identities and Experiences of Stigmatization

This post is a report of the findings of the survey I had running in the last couple of months of 2018, investigating the intersection of aro-spec identities and experiences of stigmatization and microaggressions.

This report is very long and comprehensive, so I will split it into three parts: - PART 1 will cover descriptive data, like demographics and general aggregate findings - PART 2 will cover inferential statistics, like correlations and variable relationships - PART 3 will cover discussion of the results, limitations, and plans for further study

A full version of these results on one page is available here.

Thank you to everyone who participated!

Results are under the cut. Where possible, I will use graphs to show the data, but I will also explain the content of the graphs just under the images to accommodate people who may respond better or worse to data presented in a certain format.

THIS IS PART 1: DESCRIPTIVE DATA

DEMOGRAPHICS

There were 623 responses to the survey. 357 of these responses were complete - these participants completed the survey in its entirety.

People were recruited from Tumblr, the Arocalypse online forums, and the Arocalypse Discord server. Snowballing was used as a technique for recruitment, so there may also have been participants who were recruited indirectly through other participants.

The survey was only made available in English.

Age

Over half the participants in the study were between the ages of 18 and 24. Over a quarter of the participants were under 18. The rest of the participants were aged 25 to 34, with a small minority being over 35.

Gender

Over half the participants surveyed reported being non-binary, genderqueer, and/or an other gender identity. Just under half of all participants reported being cisgender women. Transgender men and cisgender men also participated, but in small numbers.

Note: I separated out cisgender and transgender identities for the purpose of analyzing intersectionality. It may be the case that transgender people who are aromantic navigate microaggressions and stigmatization differently than transgender people who are not aromantic or aromantic people who are not transgender. Unfortunately, there were not enough responses for me to run this statistically, but other queer-focused studies have noticed intersections of queer identities affecting life experiences.

Racial and Ethnic Background

A significant majority (read: over three quarters) of participants in this survey identified as white. Most of these participants (about three quarters) did not specify further than “white,” but those who did specify fell into European, North American, and Australian/New Zealander categories.

After white persons, the next most common demographic was Asian, followed by Latinx, Mixed race, Jewish, Hispanic or Portuguese, Native or Indigenous, and finally, Black or African.

Note: In cases where ethnic backgrounds are reported together in these results, these categories were combined based on low numbers and relative appropriateness. Broad categories were determined based on several different Census conventions (e.g., Canadian Census categories) as well as categories used to report demographics in a variety of academic studies. If you are curious about which ethnicities went into which categories, you can ask me for more elaboration. People who reported multiple identities were counted in both or all relevant groups or put into the mixed race category, depending on the person’s answer (e.g., if they explicitly wrote “mixed race” or not).

(Romantic) Orientation

Almost three quarters of the participants surveyed identified as broadly Aromantic. The next most represented orientations were Demiromantic and Greyromantic, accounting for half a quarter of the total. Participants in the Other category were the next most represented, followed by Quoiromantic, Aro-spec, Aroflux, and Lithromantic or Akoiromantic people.

Other identities captured in this survey include: fictorimantic, sansromantic, aegoromantic, abroromantic, cupioromantic, nebularomantic, oriented aromantic, non-SAM-using asexual, non-SAM-using aromantic, and queer.

Partnership Status

Almost half of all respondents reported being single with no intention to marry at the time of the survey. About a third of respondents reported being single (never married). Single people therefore made up the vast majority (read: over three quarters) of the survey respondents.

The next most represented participants were those dating or Other. A very small minority reported being married, and an even smaller minority reported being divorced or separated from their partner(s).

Do you consider yourself polyamorous?

Just over a quarter of respondents considered themselves polyamorous. The rest (i.e., the majority) did not consider themselves polyamorous.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a physical or psychological condition? Does this have any bearing on your view of aromanticism?

Almost two thirds of respondents reported having been diagnosed with a physical or psychological condition. Of these people, about a quarter reported that their condition does have a bearing on their view of aromanticism.

MEANS AND AGGREGATE RESULTS

The following questionnaires are revisions made by the researcher to Foster (2017)’s revisions of existing queer/LGBT scales. Foster (2017) applied an Asexual focus to the scales. The researcher for this study applied an Aromantic focus, changing terminology where appropriate.

Experiences of Aromanticism

The diversity of the aromantic community was highlighted in the response rates to the following items.

• I experience romantic attraction toward other people: 22% True, 78% False

• I lack interest in romantic activities: 77.5% True, 22.5% False

• I don’t feel that I fit the conventional categories of romantic orientation such as heteroromantic, homoromantic (gay or lesbian), or biromantic: 92% True, 8% False

• The thought of romantic activities repulses me: 52% True, 48% False

• I find myself experiencing romantic attraction toward another person: 17.5% True, 82.5% False

• I am confused by how much interest and time other people put into romantic relationships: 85% True, 15% False

• The term “non-romantic” would be an accurate description of my romanticism: 70.5% True, 29.5% False

• I would be relieved if I was told that I never had to engage in any sort of romantic activities again: 77% True, 23% False

• I go to great lengths to avoid situations where romance might be expected of me: 76% True, 24% False

• My ideal relationship would not involve traditionally romantic activities: 73.5% True, 26.5% False

• Romance has no place in my life: 70% True, 30% False

Aromantic Microaggressions Scale (AroMS)

Of the participants who experienced microaggressions against them (i.e., participants who responded with frequency ratings greater than 1), the following trends were observed.

• Generally, participants reported experiencing microaggressions aimed against them at a rate of “sometimes” (mean=2.84/5). Participants reported these incidences as moderately distressing (mean=3.69/5).

• The most frequently reported aggression against aros was others telling them that there is no such thing as aromantic discrimination or prejudice (mean=3.39/5, sometimes to often). This moderately distressed participants (mean=3.72/5).

• The most distressing aggression against aros was aros being propositioned for pursuing romantic relationships because they were aro-spec (quite distressing, mean=4.01/5; occurring once in a while, mean=2.68/5). As well, participants found that being threatened with harm was quite distressing (mean=3.90/5; occurring once in a while, mean=2.5/5). The latter was also the least frequently reported occurrence.

• The least distressing aggression reported was being asked to provide examples of how aros knew they are aro-spec (mean=3.2/5, meaning being bothered a little bit to moderately).

MOST OFTEN EXPERIENCED TO LEAST OFTEN EXPERIENCED o Others have told me that there is no such thing as aromantic discrimination or prejudice o I have been made to feel inferior by others because I am aro-spec o I have been told that I am aromantic because I haven’t met the right person yet o Others have assumed that I choose to be aro-spec o I have been told that aromanticism “isn’t real” o I have been asked to provide examples of how I know I am aro-spec o I have been told that being aro-spec is against human nature o I have been told that no one will want me as a relationship partner because I am aro-spec o I have heard non-aro-spec people speculate about the ‘cause’ of my aromanticism o I have been called derogatory names (e.g., “manipulative” or “freak”) in relation to my aromanticism o I have been told that aromanticism is a form of dysfunction or illness, not a valid way to identify o I have been propositioned for pursuing romantic relationships because I am aro-spec (e.g., “I’ll show you what you’re missing”) o I have been harassed because I am aro-spec o I have been told that I am “not healthy” because I am aro-spec o People have asked me if sexual/relationship trauma is the reason I am aro-spec o I have been threatened with harm because I am aro-spec

MOST DISTRESSING TO LEAST DISTRESSING o I have been propositioned for pursuing romantic relationships because I am aro-spec (e.g., “I’ll show you what you’re missing”) o I have been threatened with harm because I am aro-spec o I have been made to feel inferior by others because I am aro-spec o I have been told that aromanticism is a form of dysfunction or illness, not a valid way to identify o I have been told that aromanticism “isn’t real” o I have been called derogatory names (e.g., “manipulative” or “freak”) in relation to my aromanticism o I have been told that being aro-spec is against human nature o I have been told that I am aromantic because I haven’t met the right person o Others have told me that there is no such thing as aromantic discrimination or prejudice o I have been harassed because I am aro-spec o I have heard non-aro-spec people speculate about the ‘cause’ of my aromanticism o I have been told that I am “not healthy” because I am aro-spec o People have asked me if sexual/relationship trauma is the reason I am aro-spec o I have been told that no one will want me as a relationship partner because I am aro-spec o Others have assumed that I choose to be aro-spec o I have been asked to provide examples of how I know I am aro-spec

Stigma Consciousness Questionnaire (SCQ)

This scale is a common and reliable questionnaire used to measure how aware respondents are of stigmas others have toward the respondents’ community.

• The most agreed upon item for all respondents was that most non-aro-spec people have a lot more anti-aromantic thoughts than they actually express (mean=4.03/6 or slightly agree)

• The most disagreed upon item for all respondents was that most non-aro-spec people do not judge aro-spec people on the basis of their lack of romantic attraction (mean=2.66/6 or slightly to moderately disagree)

• Particularly variable were participants’ responses to the item “I never worry that my behaviors will be viewed as stereotypical of aro-spec people.” Similarly, responses to the item “stereotypes about aro-spec people have not affected me personally” were variable.

Collective Self-Esteem Scale (CSES)

This scale is used to measure the aromantic community’s collective self-esteem.

• Most agreed-upon item internally (i.e., response with least variance) was “overall, aro-spec people are considered good by others,” with the response slightly disagreeing (mean=3.22/7)

• Respondents also generally agreed that others do not respect aro-spec people (mean=3.13/7 or slightly disagree)

• Respondents were ambivalent about “most people consider aro-spec people, on the average, to be more ineffective than other social groups” (mean=4.36/7, or ambivalent, but with quite a bit of variance)

• In general, respondents’ thoughts were that the aro community is not well-respected, liked, or considered good by others in society, to a slight degree

The Heterosexist Harassment, Rejection, and Discrimination Scale for Aromantics (HHRDS-A Aro)

For the participants for which these questions were applicable (i.e., for participants who reported frequencies greater than 0), the following trends were observed.

• The most frequently reported aromantic discrimination from participants was hearing anti-aromantic remarks from family members – on average, happening once in a while to sometimes (mean=2.68/6)

• The least frequently reported aromantic discrimination from participants was being denied a raise – on average, happening never (mean=1.02/6). Considering the most represented age demographic in this survey, this result makes sense, as many young adults and teenagers are not far enough into careers to have this opportunity arise at all

MOST TO LEAST FREQUENTLY EXPERIENCED o Heard anti-aromantic remarks from family members o Been treated unfairly by parents o Been treated unfairly by friends o Been treated unfairly by a romantic partner o Been made fun of, picked on, called insulting names, pushed, shoved, hit, or threatened with harm o Being treated unfairly by strangers o Been rejected by a romantic partner o Been verbally insulted o Been rejected by parents o Been treated unfairly by a sexual partner o Been treated unfairly by sibling(s) o Been treated unfairly by extended family o Been treated unfairly by people in a medical profession o Been treated unfairly by peers, co-workers, or colleagues o Been rejected by extended family o Been rejected by a sexual partner o Been rejected by sibling(s) o Been treated unfairly by teachers or professors o Been treated unfairly by employers or supervisors o Been treated unfairly by people in service jobs o Been denied a promotion o Been denied a job o Been denied a raise

#aro-spec stigma survey #aromantic surveys #aromantic #survey #results #aro-spec #stigmatization #microaggressions #demographics #descriptive data #data #aro antagonism #part 1 #part one

78 notes · View notes

queenofthecommunistcannibals · 6 years

Text

@yikes-trademarked

i mean yeah, the post has nothing to do with it just comes across as a bit of a slap in the face to people who are genuinely oppressed in a modern day society. how are asexuals ‘neglected’ and ‘isolated’? so most people experience sexual attraction and you don’t, whoop de doo. nobody actually cares if you do or don’t experience sexual attraction. if you could please give me an actual, real life, not someone-calling-you-a-plant-online example of asexual discrimination then i’ll take back my words

___

@yikes-trademarked I super love how instead of apologizing you are doubling down. Okay. I'll give you examples. Here are some general prejudices that affect aro and ace people. They aren't in any real order.

•Until the DSM V asexuality was considered a mental illness. Despite the fact that now we are "allowed" to "identify" as asexual HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder) is STILL considered a disorder. So instead of trying to help a person accept themselves as asexual allosexual (nonace) doctors will try to "fix" someone if they want to. Asexuality is still seen as something to be cured. It is still a dysfunction in their eyes, they just hide their prejudice a little better.

•Asexuals have been harrassed and raped in an attempt to fix them. Asexuals and aromantics are often seen as a "challenge" to be harassed into affection.

•Mainstream Christianity discriminates against asexuals as they do other queer identities. Here is one quote from a document called "Asexuality and Christianity" produced for Asexual Awareness Week (the fact that we get "awareness" rather than "pride" ain't great either)

"While celibacy is officially considered a good stance in religion, declaring oneself disinterested in sex is often met with disapproval. Asexuals have been told that they are rejecting God's gift of sexuality, that they are just as bad as homosexuals because they are not 'normal'...or people decide to pray to God for them to be fixed or for the Almighty to send the right person for them to fall in love with."

Or from the horse's mouth "Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity. Those who repress their sexuality are not living as God created them to be: fully alive and well." This was written by two Jesuit priests David Nantais and Scott Opperman. In other religions this is also often true. I know more about Christianity personally but I know similar doctrines exist in Islam and Orthodox Judaism. Not to mention the notion that marriage is the only acceptable option in these religions (unless you are Catholic clergy) and children are a necessity. Hell, according to the conservative traditional gender roles of these religions even an otherwise gender conforming aro/ace doesn't fit (not marrying, no kids, no family, all that).

•Dehumanization from all sides. We are told to be human is to love and that love is nearly always put in romantic or sexual context. Indeed NOT being capable of or experiencing romantic or sexual love is often used as shorthand for someone being a bad person (As Dexter [from Dexter], for example, becomes more sympathetic he develops the ability to feel sexual/romantic love. Robots in fiction can be asexual and aromantic but only if you want to show them as apart from humanity. Once you want to make it clear they have a soul they have to experience some kind of romantic urge or longing. Like Data from Star Trek) An article in Psychology Today by Dr. Gordon Hodson Ph.D. (who specializes in studying dehumanization) postulates (with a study to back it up) that asexuals are the most dehumanized sexual minority.

•On the specifically romantic asexual front in many places do not consider a marriage valid until it has been consumated.

•In media in which asexuality and aromanticism are not proof of evil they are judged to be not real. Here is one of if not our first actual representation in media. In the film Nymphomaniac the SELF-PROCLAIMED asexual character turns out to be a rapist who the protagonist murders in what is supposed to be a "woo! You go girl!" moment. AT BEST this says asexuals aren't real. We're just sexually repressed misanthropes. It might also imply that asexuals are base animals who are waiting to strike. THAT IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES THE WORD ASEXUAL IS EVEN USED IN MAINSTREAM FILM! I cannot think of a single other.

•We are erased constantly in real life and in media. Here are two examples of active erasure, Jughead Jones (canonly aro/ace in the comics and coded as such since day one) was straight-washed for Riverdale. You may say "oh maybe they didn't know" (which is bullshit) then consider example two: Sherlock Holmes. Holmes (who I adore) has long been one of the few characters that has been "allowed" to aro/aces, but when the creators of BBC's Sherlock were explicitly asked if he was aro/ace they said he absolutely wasn't.

This is part of what I am talking about. We are not allowed to exist. We are invisible.

•Asexuals and aromantics are somehow toxic in our mere existence. We make kids think it is okay to be like us and are poisoning their young minds. We hate sex and thus are against the sex positivity movement.

•"Virgin" is an insult and we are treated as constant children. Somehow we have failed to grow up and cannot be treated as adults.

•And here is what I was really talking about SOCIETY IS NOT MADE FOR US! CULTURE IS NOT CONDUSIVE TO OUR EXISTENCES! I didn't know asexuality was an option until I was about 24. And before that I, like many aro/ace people, put myself in a lot of situations and relationships to "fix" myself. To make myself normal. My first and only sexual encounter was one of the things that sent me spiralling into a serious depression. I didn't know that it was okay to not be interested and to say "no.". So I said "okay" because I thought it was what I had to do to be a normal teenager. I don't know if I ever shared that online before so congrats you got me so mad I revisited my personal trauma. From childhood we are told falling in love is the ultimate reward. As teens we are told we gotta get laaaaaid. As adults not being involved in a sexual/romantic (often indistinguishable) relationship is WEIRD and TROUBLING. I have been told by people who don't know I am asexual that asexual people are "too weird" or even "creepy." The idea that someone might not be capable of romantic love sets off people's red flags that said aromantic might be crazy.

•We are surrounded by sex and romance constantly. Constantly. It is inescapable. In your real life I want you to pay attention to romantic or sexual imagry and storylines around you. There is no break. No alternative. This is what I mean by "invisible at best."

•Also, we are denied a history. It is very hard to prove absence but often sexless figures are immediately dubbed to be gay/lesbian because of their lack of interest in "appropriate" gender. Forgetting entirely that asexuality and aromanticism are options. Then when the question is raised they maybe a figure WAS aro and/or ace we are told that we are """"stealing"""" history. There is like one person in history we are allowed: Nikola Tesla. I love him very much, but he also fits the bill as a weirdo asexual. Because anyone who was the least bit acceptable to society must be allosexual. An example in reverse, Queen Elizabeth I, Britain's most beloved monarch, who never married, never was romantically or sexually involved with anyone (aside from being assaulted as a teenager), and was in her era very famously THE VIRGIN QUEEN who used her virginity as part of her persona to great affect. She is not considered asexual or aromantic and never has been. I have seen a biographer bend over backwards to get away from that accusation including using an incident where an elderly Elizabeth flashed a dignitary to make him uncomfortable as proof that she was allo. We can't have this awesome historical figure be one of those creeps right?!

•i am not even going into the history of how "sexlessness" was historically treated, especially in women. Let me just say that "spinsterism" was considered a danger to children and young women.

•NOTICE I WENT THIS WHOLE POST WITHOUT MENTIONING ASSHOLES WHO USE THE DISK HORSE AND BAR US FROM QUEER CIRCLES EVEN THOUGH SOME STUDIES FIND ASEXUALS HAVE LOWER SELF ESTEEM THAN ANY OTHER QUEER GROUP AND WOULD REALLY BENEFIT FROM A COMMUNITY!! THIS POST IS ENTIRELY EXAMPLES OF NON ONLINE PEOPLE BECAUSE SOMEHOW YOUR CONSTANT ABUSE OR REFUSAL TO RECOGNIZE ABUSE IS A-OKAY BECAUSE IT IS PART OF "THE DEBATE" BECAUSE SOMEHOW OUR EXISTENCE IS ACCEPTABLE DEBATE!

These are just some examples. People are free to add more but I am tired. If you want links I will dig them up.

Sincerely,

Fuck you.

I apologize for the "fuck you" but the exclusionist attitude is so disheartening. It is bad for not only aros and aces but also the queer community in general. We should be in this together! Fighting for one another side by side! We should be there for each other for hardships and for celebrations. I think it is vital that exclusionists really examine what and who they are actually fighting against.

#asexuality #my posts #asexual #aromantic #lgbt+#queer

32 notes · View notes

aemonded · 6 years

Text

♠ ACE REPRESENTATION MASTERLIST ♠

Sherlock Holmes.

Jughead Jones [in the reboot solo comics -coughcoughthanksriverdale-]

Let’s face it. Mostly everyone’s favourite literary characters are asexuals, but when faced with most asexuals in real life, people tend to get...

Weird.

‘Why don’t you like to go out?’

‘You just haven’t met the right guy.’

#WHYISITANYOFYOURBUSINESS

To be blunt, we lack the representation that other orientations have. For example,I’m twenty-six, and I didn’t have half of the resources/ representation growing up that is available today. Which is why this year, in my twenty-sixth year of life, I am proud to have experienced more asexual media/representation than I ever have before.

Which ALSO is why I knew I needed to make a list for my own health and myself to show that there IS positive representation out there, and show those aces younger than me (and maybe even older than me, if you’ve been struggling with your sexuality or lack thereof as long as I have) that we exist, and we are not simply ‘freaks’ to be judged and chided.

Which is why.

I am proud to present.

THE GIGANTIC HUGE UBER LIST OF ACE RESOURCES [trumpets]

This includes a list of historical asexual/demisexuals, young adult literature/ resource books, cute merchandise, asexual books currently being released in 2019, and additional resources. ♥

( P.S: I also labeled these if they feature any sort of intersectionality, such as POC protagonists, bisexuality/lesbianism, or any intersectional aspects to try to give people the biggest and broadest representation within the asexual field we can.

I also tried to include the literature that had the most positive representations and dispelled as much of the ‘myths’ about being asexual as possible, and presenting us as regular people in a strong powerful light, who just happen to be asexual. Some of these include dispelling myths around ‘YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY IT,’ ‘YOU’RE NOT REALLY QUEER,’ ‘THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU,’ ‘YOU MUST HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE,’ ETC. Anything dealing with dispelling absolutes. For example, I was sexually abused when I was a child, but I now know that even though I could have issues with sexuality due to trauma, my asexuality/ demisexuality is completely separate from my past, and I am proud to come to that conclusion. I hope I can help others to come to that conclusion, too.)

Lastly, I also put my own comments in brackets besides copied book descriptions/ biographies if I had anything else to contribute; hopefully someone besides myself might find this helpful! ♥

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce "a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation" but only as it compared to the "conscious intellectual activity" he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton's supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though "the Florence Nightingale effect" is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect's namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who's asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion," also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and...to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Cute Pins/ T-shirts/ Merch Representation:

Ace and Anxious Mug

Asexual Hearts Mug

Ace and Anxious Sweatshirt

Netflix and Actually Chilling Sweatshirt

World’s Okayest Grey Sexual Baseball Shirt

Ace Illuminati Pin

Asexual Flag Pin

Asexual Pride Flag Pin

Asexuality ‘Nope’ T-Shirt

‘Space Ace’ Astronaut Pin

Asexual ‘I Am Valid’ Heart Sticker

LGBTA+ GameBoy Sticker

‘I Put the A in the LGBTA’ Shirt

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality:

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice's last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she's asexual. Now Alice is sure she's done with dating... and then she meets Takumi. She can't stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she's willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated-- or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha 'Tash' Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn't want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash's eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash's confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she's a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn't interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she'll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn't that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways" into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the "real" world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it's the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality Coming Out in 2019:

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it's going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn't always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that's done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean's 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father's company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego "d0l0s," it's college and then a career at "one of the big ones," like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT--but the student loan she'd been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father--one Robert Foster--is loaded. Nari isn't about to let her friend's dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn't among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she's the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she's greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren't the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn't end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn't know what to believe...or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

Check, Please!: Check, Please! is written and drawn by Ngozi Ukazu. Eric Bittle—former Georgia junior figure skating champion, vlogger extraordinaire, and amateur pâtissier—is starting his freshman year playing hockey at the prestigious Samwell University in Samwell, Massachusetts. And it’s basically nothing like co-ed club hockey back in the South. For one? There’s checking.It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life. [You can also read the cartoons online; it’s actually started by Tumblrite/ Yale Grad who is positively adorbs and I follow her on Instagram and I’m sort of obsessed with her/ it’s about hockey. CANADAAAAAAAA [x]]

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

Hopefully this helps! ♥♥♥

#resources #lgbta #lgbt+ community #asexuality #demisexuality #representation #reading #literature #merchandise #masterpost #my resources

6 notes · View notes

babyloniastreasure · 7 years

Note

"Asexuals face the same issues other members of the LGBT+ community do" no, they don't. they aren't raped, killed, put in concentration camps, have laws condemning being ace, put through conversion therapy, or anything like that lmfao jesus

This has been sitting in my inbox for several days now, and while I was initially just gonna ignore it, I’ve decided to go out of my way and use your ignorance as a pathway for education on asexual discrimination.

[Trigger Warning: Abuse, Rape, Assault Mentions, Detailed accounts from Survivors.]

To claim that Aces don’t face any issues like the rest of the LGBT+ Community does is…ironically and obviously false. This message alone is discriminatory, and this isn’t the first message I’ve received during my time on this website. Even off of Tumblr, I’ve been in arguments with adults and seniors over the validity of asexuality. Whether it effects your lifestyle, if the claims for prejudice are to be believed, or if it’s even real. Personal claims aside, however, let’s delve deeper into your dismissal, Anon.

Conversion/Corrective Therapy and Aces

From a short Google search on conversion therapy and the asexual spectrum, I found several accounts from aces describing their experiences with conversion. This first quote was written by a user in a forum looking to explore Ace experiences with conversion therapy and similar practices. The source has been linked in the quote.

“ I did go through this sort of thing in the 80s. Of course this is before I knew I was asexual. Back then I really did buy into the rhetoric that I was broken and I just needed to learn to be a better spouse. It was awful. I was subjected to a lot of the hormone and blood tests. I did the talk therapies. I was encouraged to masturbate (>.

This same user then goes on to say:

“Yes, it felt abusive to me. And yet, the longer it went on, the more I felt guilty about how horrible of a person I must be because none of it was working.”

Now this was thirty years ago. Asexuality was relatively unknown, and during a time when any member of the LGBT+ Community was more harshly discriminated against. Having a lack of sexual desire was (and still is, in most psych circles) seen as a disorder. But more on that later. For now, let’s continue with a few more quotes from experienced Aces.

In this post, a Tumblr user goes on to talk about how she felt broken and isolated, at one point visiting a therapist hoping to be “cured”.

Here, a journalist has written a series on her personal experiences with being aroace, including sexual assault, abuse, and struggles with her identity.

And here’s another Gray Ace who describes their experiences with gaslighting, mental illness, and abusive therapy related to asexuality.

While the above experiences are less about the horrible conversion therapy your mind jumps to, they are still valid experiences of abuse. Most commonly in the Ace community, therapists dismiss the possibility of asexuality altogether and push the idea that their patients are “broken”, or to “seek medication”.

This was written by an ace Tumblr user.

“I have gone through some form of ‘corrective therapy’ for being a sex adverse asexual. My counselor told me to have sex until I like it and to have various medical tests to see what was wrong with me; my doctor prescribed me 3 different medications, two of which has been clinically proven to have no significant effect on ciswomen (Viagra and Cialis, the third was a testosterone supplement).”

If that wasn’t enough, here’s a website dedicated to documenting the experiences of Ace survivors.

And if you really wanted horrible rape and abuse stories to prove a point, I suggest you read this piece from a six-part series on Asexuality by Huffington Post, where an ace describes how a male friend of hers raped her in an attempt to correct her asexuality, after being open about it.

Discrimination Based on Asexuality

It’s a common occurrence that businesses/employers/realtors/doctors are more likely to discriminate against someone if they are LGBT+. But what about Aces? Asexuality is a lifestyle just like being Homosexual/Bisexual/Trans is. It isn’t a choice, and it deeply effects your life and relationships. So what if your potential employer discovers your open Asexuality?

In an article posted on PsychologyToday, a researcher investigated claims about Asexual discrimination. The following is taken from the article:

“…strikingly strong bias against asexuals in both university and community samples…”

“Relative to heterosexuals, and even relative to homosexuals and bisexualsheterosexuals: (a) expressed more negative attitudes toward asexuals (i.e., prejudice); (b) desired less contact with asexuals; and © were less willing to rent an apartment to (or hire) an asexual applicant (i.e., discrimination).”

The discrimination, according to the investigation, comes not only from Heterosexuals, but also from Homo/Bisexuals in nearly equal numbers. Members both within and outside the LGBT+ Community openly discriminate Asexuals. The article continues to say:

“Moreover, of all the sexual minority groups studied, asexuals were the most dehumanized (i.e., represented as “less human”).”

Asexuals are compared to machinery, for being “relatively cold and emotionless”, then are compared to animals, “unrestrained, impulsive, and less sophisticated.”

Additionally, this investigation found that not only are asexuals actually being discriminated against, but that:

“[Group X] is targeted for its lack of sexual interest even more than homosexuals and bisexuals are targeted for their same-sex interests.”

So, in a sense, you’re right, Anon! Aces don’t face the same prejudices other members of the LGBT+ Community do, they face more of that prejudice.

Moving on to our final topic:

Asexuality and the Medical Field

As mentioned in the first section of this discussion, it’s common for asexuality to be seen as a disorder rather than a sexuality. Medications to increase sex drive and hormones are prescribed, victims are told they lack sexual desire due to childhood trauma, or some other internal phobia.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), is “considered a sexual dysfunction and is characterized as a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity”.

Listed in DSM-III as “Inhibited Sexual Disorder”, then in DSM-IV as split between “Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder” and “Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder”, these definitions impacted the lives of Asexuals from their publication. Treatment was most often therapy, where a therapist would talk to both parties in a relationship and attempt to discover where the trauma/communication issue (that was causing lack of sexual desire) was coming from. Medications included Flibanserin, Bupropion, Anxiolytic, and even Testosterone supplements.

With the lack of information about asexuality, coupled with the common medical and psychological misconception that asexuality was really just a medical disorder, reports of false diagnosis of HSDD started to pile up in forming Ace communities. Internal discussions sprouted activism, but nothing was done until a paper on Asexuality was published in 2004, and in 2008, activists began their petitioning to change the definition of HSDD.

Immediately, the movement was met with hostility from medical professionals.

““We clashed with physicians who thought that what we were doing is dangerous,” he recalled. “They said that we were advocating that it was OK to not be sexual. There was this really strong ethos that sex is a vital part of the human experience and without it, there’s something wrong.” ”

This opposition further cements the harmful idea that Asexuality was never valid, and that it’s a disorder. Homosexuality faced similar issues from 1974 to 1987:

“The DSM at that time recognised ’ego-dystonic homosexuality’ as a disorder, defined as sexual interest in the same sex that caused significant distress.“

The definition was changed in 1987, when the DSM recognized homosexuality is not a disorder, giving us thirteen years of medical misconception.

However, the definition for HSDD was not changed until May of 2013. That’s only four years ago. The DSM-III, which contained the first definition for HSDD, was published in 1980. That’s thirty three years of medical misconceptions surrounding asexuality.

[Not to play the “Who suffered more” game here, but homosexuality has had thirty years for medical professionals to understand it’s no longer a disorder. Asexuality, an identity already so heavily erased and misconstrued, has only had four. And clearly, psychologists aren’t warming up to the idea it’s okay to not want sex. So, Anon, I repeat: Asexuals face more discrimination than homosexuals and bisexuals.]

Even still, asexuals are misdiagnosed with HSDD and similar arousal disorders, and as the evidence from our earlier accounts will provide, therapists and medication are still being used to “fix” Aces. While it can be difficult to determine the line between asexuality and a sexual disorder, the importance of sex in the medical field is damaging, not only to aces.

With all of this evidence, sourcing, personal accounts, and medical history, how can you say, Anon, that Asexuals don’t experience discrimination equal to others in the LGBT+ Community? It comes from the community itself, from friends and family, medical professionals, from businesses and therapists, schools and employers. It’s everywhere.

I say it every time I get a message like this, and I’ll say it again:

The A stands for Asexual. We are here and we struggle.

We are here and we are valid.

#asexuality #lgbt #asexual #ace #aroace

45 notes · View notes