#tw money and disordered eating

[mrghostrat]

today’s adhd spiral to get it off my chest

1. thought i would stop feeling depressed when my meds came back in stock, but i am still getting hit with these random overwhelming moments of sadness. not flat and nihilistic like i was before, just awfully painfully sad. heart racing and knives in my throat.

2. woke up to another bank account deficit notification, now only have one month of rent in my savings account. i have a full month of commissioned queued up (and paid for) before i can start taking anymore or look for 9-5 work.

3. didn’t want to ask zita to front me because i already owe her thousands from the move. she reminded me i did that for her plenty of times in the past and is going to front me for a while to try and get my mentality back on its feet without money pressure. still feel horribly guilty despite all her reassurances.

4. wanted to take my meds to try and kickstart my day, to get through this commission so i could start the next one and bring some more money in. but i have to take my meds with food. i don’t have food so id have to go out and buy some. cue panic spiral

5. my ARFID is just awful lately anyway. even preparing instant noodles is overwhelming. i can barely eat unless it’s put in front of me fully made, and even then i don’t want to unless i’m dying from hunger cramps.

6. back to sad because i wish functioning wasn’t so exhausting

[hussyknee]

Tfw you colonize half the world for spices and three hundred years later this is where your civilization's ended up.

[jacks-weird-world]

TW: What is orthorexia?

Orthorexia is a term that describes an obsession with eating healthy food. It comes from the Greek words ortho, meaning ‘correct’ and orexis, meaning ‘appetite’.

A person with orthorexia is fixated with the quality, rather than quantity, of their food to an excessive degree. Orthorexia can start with ‘healthy’ or ‘clean’ eating, then progress to the elimination of entire food groups such as dairy or grains, and then to the avoidance of foods such as those with artificial additives, foods treated with pesticides, or particular ingredients (e.g. fat, sugar or salt).

[goldkirk]

question: have any of you personally seen a dietician (not looking for experiences with nutritionists, only dieticians), and did you find it helpful or useful, and if you did see a dietician and you ALSO have seen a GI doctor, how did the experience compare for you in terms of helpfulness + how much you felt listened to and helped?

[lovelesslittleloser]

People should be more afraid of asexuals, because they’re the only people that are immune to one of the seven deadly sins

[aropride]

ate 3 normal(ish) meals today 👍 WHILE scared.whos proud

[thedisablednaturalist]

surely a chronically ill person can go a day without EATING right? It's not like I'm managing a complicated illness that requires strict management right? And I totally don't need to be pain free for work tomorrow right!?!!

/sarcasm

[chipistrate]

Tbh I think Vanessa would be the one who has to encourage healthy eating in the 3 star fam dynamic

I've seen a few interpretations where it'd be Freddy, and while it feels fitting, I don't think Freddy has the best idea of what healthy eating is,,, He was programmed by Fazbear Entertainment, and they don't exactly have the healthiest food options. Hell- Chica's whole thing is being fit and healthy, yet everything she promotes is junk. I think Freddy would have to be taught what actual healthy eating is, before he could try and encourage it on Vanessa and Gregory

[tic-loud-tic-proud]

Just saw a blazed "thinspo" post on my dash 🤢

[traumagenica]

no but i actually looked at my grocery list today and immediately thought "hm maybe i should cut back to 2 meals a day again" because i already know how expensive it'll be

[thequeencblogz]

“baby i’m a gangster too, and it takes two to tango..”

[girl-unnoticed911]

I need a change

Either due my hair

A piercing or tattoo

Or someone to give me $5,000

Hmmmm..

What could it be

[bodypositiviteaandcakes]

Diet culture is so fucking awful for so many reasons but a big one for me is just like… imagine the willpower it takes to stay on a diet. To defy your body’s natural, insistent need for balanced sustenance for days, weeks, months, even years at a time. Imagine all the things we could be using that willpower for. Imagine everything we could accomplish if we were properly fed and taking the energy that these capitalistic, racist, misogynistic, fatphobic companies tell us that we must use towards achieving an unrealistic and impossible body shape, and all the money they convince us to shill towards their “cures” that are actually destroying us, physically and mentally, and we put it towards taking care of and loving ourselves and the world around us instead. We’d be unstoppable

[robinruns]

What a day. Oof.

(editing Robin here, this got long, sticking it under a cut)

I couldn't get up to get a workout in... or make lunch for myself... or breakfast. I did pack my gym bag with the intention of going to the gym after work because it is both hot (summer) and the air quality is garbage (Canada blowing smoke on us). First hour of work was literally one of the most excruciatingly boring meetings I've had to sit through. We got a massive software update and it will taking used to since so many things are just like second nature to me. There are lots of bugs still that kinda make me question why they weren't sorted out in the literal years this has been in development. It's gonna be even more of a cluster fuck tomorrow I think because we have to do the end of the month work. Oh and the fuckin window washers were there so I think I lost a solid hour and a half right off the top this morning. Ugh.

Not having a lunch meant I had to go to the grocery store for lunch. Going to the grocery store meant going out in the gross haze, and then of course, bad choices were made. Bad choices that involve getting a big bag of chocolates and then eating like 90% of it, so my therapist will be hearing about that on... whatever fuckin day I have therapy again. Next Thursday? I dunno. I had to cancel my appointment this week because I had to take my car to the mechanic. Then karma came around and I got my massage appointment (that was supposed to be this afternoon) canceled on me. Whatever. It's not like it wasn't already rescheduled once.

So with a gut full of chocolate, almonds, and bad choices, I went home instead of the gym. Well not directly home, I stopped off at the library and got the book I placed on hold last week. I dunno how long I have it for though. Whoops. My mom says the shortest time that you can have a book checked out is typically 2 weeks, so I'm gonna try to have it done in two weeks.

With all the commotion this morning I completely forgot about Frank's reverb sale until about 10:30 and of course like everything was gone. Oh well. I did get the We Didn't Start the Fire (1989-2023) (Fall Out Boy's Version) (from the Vault) 7" vinyl though. And the Benadryl Subreddit 7" from LS Dunes as well the other day. And new Taking Back Sunday is coming on Friday. Small glimmers of hope on the horizon.

I just feel mentally and emotionally spent this week and we're only halfway through. Tumblr hasn't been the refuge it sometimes is, so I deleted the app from my phone with the intention of just clearing my head from it for a while. I get notifs of asks and I'm like "Oh great, what method of suicide will the anons be suggesting now? Will they be creative this time, or go with an old standby?" Fun times.

I lowkey (highkey) hate that I'm hungry right now. Like I know mentally that I have had a disgusting and inappropriate amount of food this afternoon, but sadly chocolates are not filling. The self loathing is high. The desire to do something desperate is high. The knowledge that my clothes won't fit well is weighing (ha) down on me like crazy and it just makes me panic and again, makes me want to overcorrect in the other direction. How did I end up on the mailing list for 75 Hard? Probably another time like this. But maybe it's what I need? But do they account for dangerously hazardous weather with their outdoor workout requirement? Like? I get the idea of getting out in the rain or cold, but like wildfire smoke? Eh.

So the last few days have not been fun. Could be worse (NOT A SUGGETSION UNIVERSE), but sure as hell could be better.

[voxmilia]

Decision fatigue has me sitting here, not eating, instead of. You know, eating

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

“this could save the country lots of money!” that is a concept that literally means nothing to me. save money? that’ll be funneled into the military budget instead of literally anything else that isn’t killing people overseas? okay how about we keep using that money to “treat obesity” instead of encouraging doctors to give patients eating disorders. ok? ok