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jacksprostate · 4 months

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Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him

Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds would’ve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.

But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. He’s the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, that’s fucked up, what you’re a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people don’t habitually blame him for his anguish.

Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. It’s the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I don’t blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. It’s terrifying to sit and feel like you’ve realized there’s something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since it’s so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, it’s easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending it’s individual.

And it’s not like that’s not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because it’s a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. It’s a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not.

Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish. There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is.

The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he would’ve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they don’t fix things. For reasons I’ll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once you’ve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, it’s very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. He’s crawling up the walls.

So why do people say this? Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments.

But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails.

And meds â€” meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes).

The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing.

And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now.

Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb.

I’ve been there. It’s easier, to wallow, and resist growth because it’s difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects that’ll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs they’ve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. That’s a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.

For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical company’s favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?

It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc.

So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.

But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narrator’s mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? It’s easy to say you’d listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?

For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldn’t cope. He self-destructed. Even when people don’t make the big realization consciously, they’re already self-destructing. It’s hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,

Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time he’s in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails.

Is he fixed if he doesn’t try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still can’t cope with the things he’s unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?

Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because you’ve discovered something you wish you could unknow. It’s a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I don’t think so.

Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc.

I’ve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. It’s important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. It’s worth it.

#fight club #my writing #uh. sorta #If you disagree with me it's fine btw. That's a given for me but I realize that's not usual for this website #my big desire is always to provoke thought and get people to think about why they think things #not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that #it was nice to type this out #also #aside from the prozac withdrawals mention and my own experience w memory loss (hilariously not even the most major of my beefs with the #medical industry! or even just the mental health industry! but its an easy nonoffensive one so #anyway i kept it nonspecific because if you go specific it becomes easier for people to just go 'oh well its That that's the problem and i #dont need to reflect at all on my drug/condition/issue/etc'#which ppl will anyway ofc. but yk #maybe theyll find it easier to ignore without the horrific specific examples but i want to leave it broad because 1. doing research and #going past the first thing you find and confirmation bias stuff is good 4 u #second. it's better imo to leave it more open for people to try and apply it broadly #whew ANYWAY #a bonafide Rant #i shouldve put #anti psychiatry #in the first few tags. i havent really looked on tumblr to see what the community 4 that is like on here because it feels like an oxymoron #on this website #but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else #(please change)

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sweetberrylover · 6 months

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tw blood 🩸 ( not ship art btw)

Oh Le'garde and D'arce , my most detested 💕

#the clarification on the not ship art thing is because I’m afraid of people not getting the Shrek ref and assume I legit think they are #yk THAT type of couple #anyways #fear and hunger #fear and hunger fanart #funger #funger fanart #fnh #d'arce cataliss #le'garde #my art tag #tw blood

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ssomepersonn · 1 year

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more.....

#razputin aquato #lizzie natividad #gisu nerumen #ford cruller #bob zanotto #helmut fullbear #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts #bug #just in case for bob #my art #yea ok now i can say stuff hehe #for gisu the part where u can see her eyes is in fact a transparent (ish) part of that skate irl so. she can see thru that #tho she is also the skate #it is her #not much to say on ford i think i hit it nail in the head #lizzie and norma will both be some type of fox +other things ftr i just havent drawn norma up yet lol #i am. on the fence abt that helmut design #i like the idea #but i dont think it looks enough like him yk #the irony of 2 good swimmers (and cold tolerant) being mashed up to make te character that was sunk and frozen does not escape me #and bob :]#idk i could talk about like how much i think i didnt need to change much here fr him w the preestablised ant dog zanotto thing i think #it fits him quite well to me #anyways yea #let raz cry 2023 baby #more sad raz on the way probably #q

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necrotic-nephilim · 1 month

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for the ask game (3)

au where all robins develop a mental link after fighting some magical criminal of the week. what would they see in each other's minds? what secrets and repressed feelings do they discover? how would they deal with it?

for the ask game!

oooh, i love telepathic links that end up revealing secrets. especially with a family like the Batfam, who are usually so convinced they're good enough at reading each other to not have many secrets kept. so weird reveals are always fun

if i did this, i'd do DamiTim. just because of all the like, "deep dark feelings that are being hidden" for Robin shipping, DamiTim is the most fun for me. you expect DickTim or DickJay or JayTim, even DamiDick. but there's something that's so enjoyable about Damian having his feelings forcibly outted. not just to Tim, but to everyone. the way it'd be an active landmine none of them knowing what to say but all feeling each other's reactions. i honestly think Damian would try to punch somebody about it. (also, if you do a history of TImSteph where they've had sex, Damian would be directly linked to Steph's memories of how Tim was in bed, so that's fun as both something horrifying and enlightening just to screw with his feelings some more.) would they end up together? in my head probably, but it'd be weird and likely toxic bc how do you date someone you know inside out and know exactly what they think of all your flaws and what parts of you they obsess over. the answer is not very well but hey, the sex is good-

i think Jason *directly* feeling how everyone felt about his death would really rock him. he's heard all the apologies, but part of him isn't convinced there's truth to them. so to be crushed by Dick's *grief* over his death would be a come to jesus moment for him. but on the less fun flipside, you have him feeling how Dick feels about him *now*. because Dick doesn't really *like* Jason and deep down, sees Jason as a lost cause. that's his "deep dark secret". and Jason would feel and know that from the one person who he still wants to believe in him. i really do think Jason would have the Worst Time with all this, overwhelmed with everyone's intimate and complex feelings over his death. Jason is a very defensive person when it comes to his death and how reactionary he gets when other people make it about them, not him. so for Jason to have to constantly deal with that in his head, i truly do think he'd lash out a bit. the arguments. yelling at Dick and feeling Dick's guilt and snapping bc Dick has no right to feel guilty now. feeling that Tim viewed Jason as a failure. it's just a damaging mindspace to be in and man do i think Jason would take a While to recover.

oddly though, i think it'd be a good bonding moment for Steph and Jason. we really don't get much exploration of Steph and Jason bonding over dying. bc sure, Steph didn't actually die, but she *did* experience the social death where everyone believed she was dead and mourned her as such for a good while. she also felt *directly* responsible for her own death. a lot of blame falls on Steph for War Games (for the Doylist reasons of sexism but yk) and Jason feels responsible for his own death for walking into a trap. but unlike Jason, Steph had no suit in a case, no memorials, her name held no infamy. so i think she deserves just a bit of righteous fury about how dramatic Jason can be while she just has to move on bc hey, it's not like she *really* died. and she buries those feelings well, but not well enough to hide them from a mental link. and Jason, who hasn't really considered Steph before because he was so wrapped up in his complex over Tim, confronts those feelings with her. if anyone is going to know how he feels, it's going to be her. you could do it platonic or romantic, but i do think when Jason sinks to his lowest, she's the one who snaps him out of it, both with tough love and genuine compassion for his situation.

for the less serious crack of it all: they're all going to have far too intimate knowledge of each other's sex lives. everyone's gonna know Dick has fucked Slade. everyone's gonna know Jason has fucked Talia. in my heart, i believe Tim has slept with Anarky (Lonnie, not Ulysses) and everyone would *know* that too. absolute judgment all around. it's the spider-man meme of "wait you've done WHAT with WHO" and honestly, it gives a nice distraction for the more serious feelings. it's a palette cleanser they can default to. like when the fighting gets a little too serious and they're cutting too deep for comfort, someone's going to blurt out "well at least i didn't fuck Deathstroke." and the whole moment goes awry with laughter. bc i do think, at the end of it once they get through the worst of the angst, they'd be closer for it and self-aware of the ridiculous nature of all this. it's enlightening, in a way to see how they all felt about their time as Robin and the baggage/trauma they hold. even the ugliest feelings they hold for each other don't completely suffocate the fondness/respect.

that said, knowing the baggage/trauma. oof. i don't think Dick has ever fully opened up about his history with Mirage/Tarantula/Liu and now it's forced to sit in the open. Damian has never admitted the worst of being raised in the League. Tim hasn't fully faced the suffocating image of his dead father and his deep-seated want to kill Boomerang. all those ugly truths they stamp down bc well, either you're a vigilante or you're a well adjusted person, are out in the open now. and it's ugly and gruesome to force those thoughts to be shared. they all want to comfort each other for different reasons, while simultaneously not wanting their own trauma to be acknowledged. it'd be fun to see who'd instinctively react to whose trauma first. because it's an overwhelming rush of information, and you just naturally get pulled in certain directions. i think Damian would react to Dick's history of sexual abuse first, whereas Jason would be reacting to the murderous rage TIm is trying to fight off. Tim is reacting to just how much guilt Steph carries about War Games and all of it is very crunchy. there's so much they'd all have to talk about and it'd take days for them to address it all, between the arguments about the ugly parts. would they come out stronger for it? yes. but only if they didn't kill each other in the process. i hesitate to do a "and they come out one big happy family" ending, bc it's not very in canon, but i do think the bond of the Robin mantle is something special. even when the link is broken, they hold onto a freakish understanding of each other. they react and move in sync, can fight together without needing words. are they emotionally on the same page/have they forgiven each other for the worst of it? absolutely not. but they've got each other backs. it's a very much "if you called i'd drop everything to save you. but also we don't have it in us to hang out casually." bond, which i think is deeply underrated in fanfiction. sometimes, you can care about people but you have to do it from a distance.

#necrotic festerings #damitim #potential jaysteph #sladick #batcest #i actually really love this. i might try to write it.#like there are SO many complex interpersonal things happening and god it's good.#also writing this reminds me of tags you put on the post about batfamily fanon #where you said you shipped jaytalia noting how I critiqued it in the meta #and i never got to clarify but i do actually think jaytalia *could* be fun #it's just one of those ships that falls into the “i love the concept but i don't think i'd enjoy it in canon” category for me!#esp the way it was handled in lost days bc it dropped out of NOWHERE and felt ooc given talia's motivations #and i love shipping it but *only* using it for a “jason fucked damian's mom joke” always irks me bc. lord get new material yk #those are my thoughts on that anywya #this is so crunchy. forced mental links as a plot device. aways so good.#like the end result would be messy as fuck but in a loving way #the batfam can love each other fiercely without having sitcom movie night type moments yk #bc their bond isn't domestic it's shaped by their vigilante lives #they know each other as vigilantes first so like. they struggle to connect as normal ppl even if they love each other #and know each other that personally #it's nuanced. it's fun.

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lunarmoves · 25 days

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Sobbing, screaming and throwing up cause half of the fic's you recommended haven't updated for a very long time or are discontinued 😭 I'm so scared to start any of them cause I can't handle a cliff hanger 😞

- (^⁠_⁠^) anon

aww that is understandable. you can filter by complete works in ao3, you just have to go down to 'completion status' in filters. however... i implore you to think about it this way:

there are entire stories you are missing out on when you avoid reading something that isn't complete! those incomplete and discontinued fics deserve just as much of a chance as the complete ones. they are just as important and they are always worth it in the end. even if the author may not finish it, i think having read something is better than having not read it at all, you know? because there could be one of the best plot points or scenes or interactions in that fic that you'll never get to read elsewhere.

being scared of cliffhangers is valid! i've found that they tend to dull with time, which makes them more manageable. in the end, a fic you read with a cliffhanger will get pushed to the back of your mind with the everydays of life. and it's always nice to speculate with the author via comments/asks! that kind of fandom interaction is integral to keeping art alive. and even if there is a cliffhanger in a fic, i think everything that comes before it is always worth the read.

and also--just because a fic has not been updated in a long time, does not mean it's discontinued or never will have another update again! it doesn't matter if it's been months or years. i've seen authors update after ages, myself included! you just never know. a comment also goes a long way. sometimes authors just need a push of inspo or motivation! i've read so many stories about readers leaving comments on fics that haven't been updated, the author seeing said comments, and then updating bc it gave them a push of motivation!

so don't be scared to read those incomplete/discontinued fics. they matter just as much!

#star gazing with shay #(^_^) nonnie #it's nice to be able to follow along with a fic as it gets updated as well yk?#'take my hand ill take u on a journey' type thing #u dont have to agree btw i just thought id throw out my two cents on the matter!#to each their own and all that #also i highly suggest making an ao3 account if u havent already #lots of authors keep their fics locked due to ai scraping. so u could be missing out on a lot of other fics if ur not signed in

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fairyhaos · 9 days

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omg guys just woke up from a nap where i had a dream i was a 35yo man trying to update his linkedin profile but he'd forgotten how to type

#yena talks #so there are three things that are weird about this #actually four #im not 35. im notba man. i also Do know jow to type #but dude itbeas actually so terrifying like i was looking at the keyboard going WHAT IS THIS?? WHAY DO I DO????? EHAT ARE WORDS?????#weird. anyeay the fourth thing is thay im calling it a “nap” but i slept at 7 then wokr up at 9 so #idk if thats a nap. its more like a mini sleep. which ig is eyat a nap is but this wasnt during the day yk #also now im awake and i vsnt go back to sleep

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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Not me thinking about Xiao getting ready to leave to see the Creator, only to be stopped by idk a little kid (or maybe another acolyte) and they hand him a piece of candy or smth while saying "can you please deliver this offering to them?" they are like, trying to be subtle, but it's a really clear "I know who the real Creator is but I don't want to get in trouble" sort of thing -sibling anon

YOU.

xiao checking the time, and noticing his training with ganyu has taken too much of his time. if he isn’t quick, you’ll stay out waiting for him, and he doesn’t want you in danger.

“enough,” he calls, and she looks over, lowering her bow. “i have business to take care of. you are dismissed.”

he knows she won’t ask what it is, which is why he mentioned it at all. he helps her put away the targets, noting the progress she’s made since last time, and handing her back her arrows. there wasn’t many, since she hurried to retrieve them, but a few were still embedded in the wood.

he’s ready to leave, but a nervous call of his name stops him.

“x-xiao?”

he turns. “what?”

she cautiously hands him a small travel bag. it’s full, and when he opens it he sees what looks like a regular traveller’s rations. food, water, clothes… “what is this?”

she’s nervous, twisting her fingers, and he wonders what she could possibly say that warrants such a response.

“could you… give that to them? please? a-and say i’m sorry?”

xiao freezes.

did ganyu…? no, no she couldn’t have known. he was so careful, so cautious- had she poisoned the food, thinking he’d be careless? no, she’s not the type, she would have gone straight to morax-

“what are you talking about?”

“i know you talk to them, xiao… mountain shaper had me follow you since he was worried for you.” she might as well have shot a frosted arrow into his heart, blooming ice spreading across his blood. “i told him you were meditating, by the way! i didn’t tell him where you’d gone-“

“why are you doing this?”

part of him wanted to go. to toss the bag at her feet and leave, to go where you were waiting. but you… you needed these supplies. if these were safe… he couldn’t risk not bringing them to you.

slowly, she brought one of her arrows from her inventory, holding it out to him. he took it, spinning it between his fingers. it looked fine; the fletch was undamaged, the wood uncracked and smooth. but when he twisted it again, a stain across the tip caught his eye.

a smear of blue.

he dropped the arrow in an instant—how could he hold what had injured you?—and understood just as quickly.

“this is your attempt at an apology?”

“i know it isn’t a lot, but i’m too busy with the qixing to do anything more. i’m trying to redirect patrols and keep the other adepti away, but… you know how they are.”

xiao studied her face, searching for any sign of dishonesty. he found none.

“if i find out any of this is tampered with, i’m coming for you, got it?”

“u-understood!”

xiao closed the bag tightly, slinging it over his shoulder. as he travelled, searching for a place to “hide” it so he could lead you to it in his other form, his mind wandered.

if ganyu could be convinced… could the other adepti?

#m1d : [chats]#m1d : [secrets]#sibling anon #bird!xiao shenanigans #damn i still need to tag the other stuff w that—#sorry if ganyu is ooc i don’t know shit abt her #she just feels like the stuttery type yk #not a bad thing—lord knows my mouth does not work sometimes—but.#idk i did what i thought was best

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