#ummm yippee!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skelevision]

9 people i'd like to get to know better!!!

[tagged by @thislovethatslostcantbefound!! thank you :D!!! *waves]

Last Song: it was From a Place of Love by Mili and then halfway thru making this post i put on music w/o thinking so now its Soldier's Poem by Muse ✌️

Favorite color: chartreuse, dandelion, and just plain ol' red 🌹🌻🪴

Currently watching: HunterxHunter (2011), Tiger & Bunny (both recommended by my older sibling), Sabikui Bisco (i don't remember why i picked this one up but it seems fun so far)

Spicy/Savory/Sweet: tied for savory/salty and sweet because i need to balance them or i go insane. my spice tolerance is really low right now 💔

Relationship status: long distance with a very beautiful woman 😔

Current Obsession: vocal synths (it's been on and off since i was 12 but right now it's going strong. just recorded an UTAU for the first time in years), Neon Genesis Evangelion (my brother and I watched the '95 anime for the first time just over a month ago and it's stuck in my brain now), and currently some specific OCs and their story (1930s-thru-60s inspired capitalism hell planet. it may not be good but it's fun for me to think about) 🤖

@prisonerposting @silver-tounges-and-golden-lies @vampireautism @mysteryjune @tallitalianguy @authordanielcoffman @llegroai @lunari162 @milkysebastian @toocoolfordamnation (first nine people i saw who arent in my close friends group... ive known a couple of you a long time actually like miiverse long time but we dont really talk. *waves :-) you dont have to play if you dont wanna!! and if i didnt tag you and you wanna play consider yourself tagged 🫵)

also @arsonomics @constellies @brisketrotater @dmc4 i know you guys well obviously but if you wanna do this for fun you can!!!!

[t4tdanvis]

If people think some hc are gross they’d lose it at our laurance fictive who Enjoys traditional “house wife” stuff, is hypersexual , has four kids, and dresses fem

theyd explode if they met an actual queer person i think

[donnatellmeyouripaddress]

"Yours truly."

Decided to render a screenshot specifically for my new Tumblr banner and first post.

This point on is an art dump

[butchdanielmolloy]

normalize um saying yippee and yay and ummm being happy

more pics bc i love myself very much

[talonbite4596]

This took over 20 hours to make I'm deceased... I'm glad it's done I need a break lol

Close ups on the pins under the cut!! (And some extra little notes for fun)

The formatting and graphic design could be better but, again, I just want to be done 😭 so ummm oops sorry !!

Yay yum yayaya art woooo yes !!!

More notes for fun !!

- when I say "loves animals (... not many, but still)" it means he can, has, and WILL burn squirrels alive for free entertainment, as well as shooting animals for fun... but he would also cry and feel awful if he stepped on a dog's foot... he's got favorites, basically, and does NOT hide it

- sun freckles, because why not

- kinda a dirty kid... literally the definition of "boys will be boys 🤪" where he's just always getting into the weirdest shit. You take your eyes off him for 1 second and he returns with mud all over himself and probably has a cat or something and just has the dumbest smile on his face !!! Idiot kid love him tho

- I added a gir pin because I love gir and for fun, doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense.... just roll with it !!

- made him Trans bc psychonauts as a whole is a trans allegory in my mind so, it made sense !! And because he's... 10 he hasn't done anything medical yet, just socially transitioned !! (Adding this point because some people see that and think the wrong things, like those ppl who think 4 year Olds are getting surgery and forcefully getting hormones jabbed into them. NO that's not happening)

- if he was a 2000s kid he'd like a lot of different things, like Mario and sonic games, and certain TV shows and movies (like invader zim, pokemon shows/movies, Disney stuff etc. Just general kids stuff yk?)

- sasha gave him coffee once.... he then proceeded to ramble about random things for hours while he tried to help work on things. So, he was able to focus better but won't shut UP (I'm projecting)

- he enjoys media that reminds him of himself, which is the "odd man out" type stuff, it helps him feel better about feeling like he doesn't belong bc he knows he isn't alone. It's sad but it helps him idk!!

OKAY IM DONE (for now) but yippee wow isn't that cool !!! I'm curious what yall think so lmk if u wanna !! I love hearing what Y'all think of my stuff, and I might post more headcanon type stuff later on if that's something ur interested in, honestly just send me an ask if u wanna know my hc for specific characters!!

OKAY goodbye drink water 💖

[mamawasatesttube]

tim when kon straddled him in sotm: i could grind up on him right now i could i really could oh he’s touching my face oh jesus fucking christ his hands are so soft i wish i could suck on his fingers ummm oops who said that ?! Lol not me anyway i need him in me rn Who said that.? i will make him sweat that makeup off

kon when he straddled tim: yayyy yayy yippee! yay yay yay

TO BE FAIR TO TIM kon definitely was having some moderately horny thoughts in that moment too. but yeah yay yippee yayayay!!!! he likes being close to tim!!!! wahoo!!!!

tim was def very close to exploding and dying on the spot in that scene though yeah. and in the tango one. how he managed to come home with kon and sleep in the same bed next to him and get cuddled all night, and survived til morning, we may never know.

[void-chara]

almost forgot the due date for @simplepotatofarmer's 4k follower event was approaching so i speedran drawing doomsday trio mermaid au in 4 days, yippee! just in time for the end of mermay too woah. also i did not forget that the due date was may 31st i just forgot that time passed and the day was getting closer lol. i probably could have finished it in even less days but ive been busy taking care of the new puppy my family got so i havent had much time to draw because that creature needs constant supervision. anyway ignore the lack of faces i did not want to draw them. also just in general ignore how messy it is. i was trying to get it done, not make a masterpiece.

rambling about ideas below the readmore

SO honestly i dont have much in mind? ummm. just. doomsday trio. i NEED more doomsday trio stuff. maybe they are exploring or somnething? also i have a vague idea for phils backstory which is that before he met either of them he was some sort of sailor or something and somehow he met a deep sea goddess (kristin) and they were sooo inlove and then he died for some reason drowned probably and kristin was like nooooo dont do that :( and she revived him and made him a merman so he could stay with her yay! so he is alive now but he still kinda looks like a corpse lol. also the reason he is bigger than the other two is because mermaids grow throughout their whole life(tho more slowly as they get older) and he is like immortal or something as a result of kristins meddling. im not even really That much of a philza enjoyer idk why hes the only one i have a backstory for it just came to me in a vision.no need to include any of the phil backstory in the fic i just thought it was fun. anyway uummmm. Yeah! they are having a time just hangin out and vibing. do whatever u want for the story really

edit: OH i also wanted to mentionthat i didnt plan for dreams tail to look so much like ariel from the little mermaid But after noticing it i really like it! he is sooo disney princess. also the little mermaid was one of my earliest fixations and mcyt stuff is one of my latest so thats fun. anyway yeah the colors are like exactly the same as ariels tail and it wasnt intentional but i like it

[alfiely-art]

Act 5 act 1 is done ! Thank goodness. This took me a couple days so some notes may be outdated (ie: karkat birthday)

Also I finished this last night but. Yk.

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Act 3 reaction here

Intermission reaction here

Act four reaction here

Notes:

NOOOOO JADE'S DREAM SELF IS DEAD FUCKKKK 

Did Jake write this

Hrrrrngggg this is so. Jade just wanted to hang out with him :( 

Man give the kid some time to cry his friend's dream self is dead!!!

I. Okay. Grieve how you need to grandpa. That makes me so uncomfortable but it's okay 

Oh Morse code. I'm not whipping out the decoder sorry I'm distraught over Jade. I'll download the Pic and translate later 

Hussie idgaf about your recap. What the fuck is happening I thought this was act 5 a few pages ago. Are we NOW At act 5???

Is this trollian

Yaaaaay alternia I've heard of this one. Looks kinda dead though

Yaaaay Karkat birthday. Apparently his bday was yesterday irl!!!!

Emooooo lmaooooo

Troll Sander. Oh Karkat. You and John can and should be besties forever. Kiss now /j

BAHAHAA IVE SEEN THIS PANEL BEFORE. I REFERENCED IT WHEN I DROPPED MY MATH BOOK AND IT MADE A DENT IN THE FLOOR. “I'm karkat-ing it up” I SAID. NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME

“You were meant to be a bigshot” HAHA SPAMPTOB!!!! Nows ur chance to be a big shot, be a big, be a big, be a big shot 

Omg is this gamzee. Or some other purple guy 

Faygo mention!

AHA YES it's gamzee!!! I know because :o)

Oh gamzee <3 Silly guy. Sure hope he doesn't do anything horrible and violent later (i know a bit of what he does. lord english <333)

The juggalos….

NEPETA AND EQUIUS USERNAMES SPOTTED!!! oh yeah karkats doing stuff. That is what I am supposed to be focusing on

Karkat you're such a drama queen oh my godddd

Terezi you're so cute 

Wait I wanna know the password thing…

CAN WE PLEASE GET TEREZI INTO ACE ATTORNEY. THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER 

That's less cute actually why are you hanging your stuffies. Oh well. Girls can have hobbies I don't mind

YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA

Adorabloodthirsty!!!

Oooo this is Aradia right

That's Eridan methinks

No strife….

This is kinda moving fast ? I mean I don't mind but also I liked the slowness of the previous acts. Oh well. Maybe it's cuz we gotta introduce more characters rn

Sollux!!! I have been told he is not an Eridan lover. Oopsie. The fandom lied to me

HI NEPETA

Aradia what are you doing 

Hey. Is this code how Lord English us born. Isn't it

Oh hi girl! I don't know your name but I've seen you!!! 

Hi tavros! I didn't know you were in a wheelchair. Why do I never see art of you in a wheelchair. All your art is of you smooching gamzee.

HAH REFERENCE… alien reference…

Equius is just Standing There.

ALSO I DONT THINK THATS THE PROPER PROCEDURE TO GIVE SOMEONE PROSTHETIC LEGS

Is that Vriska

Aww… shitty rap offs <333

Ohh yess your name is Aradia!

BAHAH OUIJA BOARD 

Vriska it's you ! I will finally know who you are other than Nagito's daughter. Yippee hurray

Woah baby boy calm down what's in that honey that's making you blast lasers out of your eyeballs

HI SILLY CAT GIRL

OH MY GODDD. The cave in… : (

Autistic girls in caves ftw!!!!

Meowrails… nepeta bite him now 

Team scourge?!?!?! Like warrior cats?@?!?@?@ i never read warrior cats I just know scourge 

Slur count: 13

Vriska what the fuck are you doing

OH MY GOD VRISKA WHY DID YOU DO THAT

Karkat bite her. Vriska that is unhealthy for you to do you cannot control others 

HI EQUIUS what uh. What's that stuff in your horse paintings. Equius. Boy. Theyre public everyone can see them

Oh the girl!! Fish girl!!!! uhh.. f… Ferrari. No wait Guy Ferrari is in this. F something

Me too Nepeta. Me too. Idk what's happening I'm just here for jokes and references and Hal when he shows up

DUN DUN DUN!!!! 

Ribbit

Be the huge bitch

Bitch autocorrected to bitcoin. Phone you will perish in a day

Oh. You gotta feed your parent other kids… not great 

Slur count: 14

Holy shit dude I can't read this

Anyway EQUIUS TIME!!!

Lusus Milk. Ummm. Did he milk himself 

Equius never play video games you'd get so much gamer rage

Yaaaay Equius and Gamzee are chatting!!!

Gamzee why are you so cute. I know you do silly things later!!!!

Awww is he talking about Aradia. Buddy just forget the troll racism 

HAH. Yeah that's fair Equius I'd slap someone who was trying to read my mind. Although can he just. Do that any time?

Yaaaay Aradia bot!!!

Equius kill yourself now /j you're so fucking weird. Can your lusus curb your weirdness a little 

JELP EQUIUS YOU KILLED HER LUSUS

NOOOO AURTHOUR!!!!!!

Okay I kinda like the drama Terezi and Vriska are having. they're both kinda bitchy and conniving but Terezi seems to have good intentions. And vriska. Uh. Spooder

Aradia nooo don't listen to the voices trust me

Waaaait wait wait. Is this white guy Doc Scratch. I know Hal hasn't even shown up yet but is this Doc Scratch. Is he doing time shenanigans. Please let this be doc scratch I need lord english stuff 

Vriska. Vriska what did you do to sollux. Also aw him and aradia are dating??? Sweet

FUCK YEAH I WAS RIGHT!!!! DOC SCRATCH!!!! I LOVE YOU MR SCRATCH

Mr Vanilla Milkshake

Isn't that Jade's cue ball. I knew it was related to doc scratch

“I will explode in your face’

I fucking love Doc Scratch. Yeah Vriska I don't care that your spider mom died I'm busy being a Homosexual 

BAHAHAH EQUIUS. You're such a fucking nut. I mean a fiddlesticks nut. No that doesn't hit the same way

This a hilarious dynamic actually. I love you Aradia

EQUIUS IS DOING THE MEME POSE

But anyway. Fuck yeah Aradia. Equius you freak. Aradia bite him

This makes me realize a pair of my homestuck ocs are like this but yk. Toxic and codependent. There's like four people who know they exist 

Huh

Nepeta cucked… jk I know moirails and the heart thing are different. Silly though. “This my boyfriend equius. And this is equius's girlfriend aradia. And this is aradia's boyfriend sollux.”

SHIPPING WALL WOOOOO

Yesss karkat. “you will never find love or hate” YOU TELL HER!!!! 

Also ooo jack

Yaaaay red blood. Actually I forget what red blood means its low isn't it 

OHHH wait he's got mutant blood. Dangggg

Jack is metal af. What a way to earn a kids trust

Cahoots!!!!

WOOO DOC SCRATCH!!! GIVE JER NEW PURPOSE YAAAAA

Man I sure wish I could have learned all of this in a natural way instead of jusy being told in a couple panels. Haha. Sure would be a fun experience methinks !!

Yaaaay kanaya

Glub glub glub

Slur count: 15

THATS NOT THE PROPER SURGERY PROCEDURE

Troll blood tastes bad. Got it

Yo wait she's moirails with Vriska??? Girl get outta there. Actually wait I love toxic yuri please continue 

Holy shit I didn't think eridan would be so boring to listen to. Snoreeeeee. Eridan do something funny pls poke poke

Funny that Karkat was wrong about Vriska getting bitches though. Why do you guys want her

Where did that last line come from. Eridan you emo. Real though

ROSE'S GAMEFAQ!!!!!! 

Ong troll rose lalonde… kanaya imagines her as a highblood it seems that's cute 

VRISKA YOU CANT SAY THAT actually you technically Can but VRISKA DONT BULLY TAVROS!!!!! 

Vriska girl please go to therapy. Tavros kill her

Scurry!!!!

Someone needs to have Vriska read the You're Not A Real Gamer post

Stabby hatefriend <33

Alright we are doing Peter pan now

Tavros just kill her already. She's scary 

WOAH VRISKA YOU CANT JUSG KISS HIM!!!! 

TAVROSSSSS NOOO DONT FALL FOR HER!!!!

It's kinda funny she hates his guts and he likes her. Can they please get a room

KANAYA GOT CUCKED :(

Poor Kanaya actually… she has horrible taste in women but I feel bad for her

Rose's mom and John's dad are matesprites… man this incest pile is getting crazyyyyy

Oh they are in love!!!!! Hate love!!!!

I love incest!!! the pail Has come 

The rammies… sorry I can't hear ramifications without thinking of the rammies…

Aradia and Equius's little gif matched the beat of the music I'm listening to

FAYGO also I think I completely forgot that Eridan isn't fuschia. Oopsies. Thought he was 

HI JOHN!!! I wish I was reading about your adventures currently 

Okay what's up with Eridan and the fishy girl. This is the second time we've cut to them during this explanation

Hi Eridan. WHAT DONT KILL THE WHALE

Okay hi fish

Ohhh Feferi… that's your name… okay

I don't think that was adorable but okay

Poor orphaned troll : (

Genocide complex… okay sure buddy why don't you get back to larping Harry potter. I'm canceling you babygirl

Aw :> I kinda like Feferi it's sweet she wants to change things for the better

COWBOY X WIZARD FUCK YEAH

Feferi really does have a lameass bi boyfriend

I'm just gonna call them all boyfriend and girlfriend btw. The quadrants don't sound yummy to me. Except pitch. I like that word. Sounds like bitch 

Do u not fw faygo

Just like Dave's fridge…

Can we peleeeease get back to good stuff I'm so sorry I.dont care about these guys. Maybe I will later but I wanna know what's going on with John and the other kids. Maybe focus on Karkat. Maybe on WV and the gang. I don't. Want to see them have a will-they-wont-they… 

Okay real talk. This act has been. Kinda a drag despite them going SO fast with plotpoints. People say that acts 1-3 were slow but I was so entertained by them!!! Is this a lame take. If they just slowed the fuck down I would like this a lot more. Hussie let me enjoy your fucking comic I don't want to speed through it 

Anyway. That aside.

she's in a fish bowl that's not good for her :(

HELP WAIT I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT NOT CARING ABOUT FEFERI AND ERIDAN. OH MY GOODNESS. SHES BREAKING UP WITH HIM KINDA THATS SO

FEFERI KEEPS DOING FISH PUNS WHILE BREAKING UP WITH ERIDAN OH MY

I love Feferi I think. My opinion has changed. Get Fucked Eridan

WHAT HAPPENED TO SOLLUX also why are Gamzee and Jack just. Standing There. Menacingly

SOLLUX NO EHAT COME BACK

I LIKED SOLLUX NOOOOOOOOO GAMZEE STOP HONKING

Feferi kissing Sollux's corpse would be so fucking weird if I didn't know what happens when you do that in homestuck

Sollux back <33 

Oh I forgot uh. That guy is watching. Legit can't remember his name ! Guy without an arm is watching !

THE NEVER ENDING STORY REFERENCE 

Oh hi audience insert !

Hussie. I don't care actually

I think you should be going SLOWER 

DONT THROW CAL also. I don't care!!!! 

:/ :/ :/ this makes me want to *remembers I'm not supposed to make jokes about killing myself*... cull myself 

Thank God we're back

Oh cool! Sollux gets two dream selves!!!

DEUCE?!?!?!?!?!

Terezi is so cute btw. I adore her

FUCK YEAH GO NEPETA

Theyre so cuteeeee I love meowrails

Slur count: 16

VRISKA'S FUTURE USERNAME SAYS FAG BAHAHAHAHA

I'm not including these in my Slur count these are funny

Okay hold on I thought these guys were dead… whag

Whoaj What are you up to Snowman… 

What the fuck

OHHH KICKAAS WINGS TEREZI. What the fuck was happening with the last panel though

Karkat stop calling things schizophrenic honey. I'm grounding you

I love Terezi and Karkat. My babies

Again??? I don't know the Password but I wanna look at what it is…

Is this troll sweet bro and Hella Jeff

I don't understand what really happened in that animation but YEAHHH FUCK HER UP ARADIA FUCK YEAHHHHH

Alpha timeline mention!!! I'm assuming that has to do with the alpha kids

A scratch… LIKE DOC SCRATCH!!!!!

Oh thank God that act is over. Kinda. Friend told me act 5 act 2 has more of the stuff I like. Act 5 act 1 gave me such a fucking headache I did not enjoy it very much!!!

The ending had that same sorta flair as usual homestuck but. The rest. It was like reading bullet points. Like you're doing now except I'm not telling a story I'm telling you my reactions to the story

Idk. Yeah. Not A fan Of act 5 act 1. Here's to hoping act 5 act 2 is better !!!

[buildarocketboys]

🌵 🛼 🍄 🏜️ !!!

Thank youuuuu!!

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

Guess I gotta share Anni's Cryptophasia playlist lol. But also if anyone wants to send me more asks please feel free to send this one again because there are so many random playlists I'd like to share lol.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🗼💇‍♀️🎸🐴🏮

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Ummm...gonna go left field and share a blam (Sam/Blaine from Glee) headcanon since I feel slightly strange about calling RPF stuff headcanons in the same way, but:

Sam pretty much returns Blaine's crush as soon as he realises Blaine has a crush on him, but he doesn't figure out that's how he feels for a while because he's like 'Blaine is just my good bro, right?' and also doesn't realise bisexuality exists/that's a thing he can be. Then he opens up to Brittany about it (since, you know, he's dating her, and she is also bisexual) and she's like "yeah Sam you can like both" so Sam is like yay yippee I have a crush on Blaine but is still a little in denial about it since he's. You know. Still in a relationship. This is why he's so weirdly pushy about Blaine admitting his crush on Sam to him in Guilty Pleasures. Anyway angsty ending Sam doesn't tell Blaine before Blaine gets engaged to Kurt and now it's too awkward to come out to him since his discovery of his sexuality was BECAUSE of Blaine (and maybe emotional affair shenanigans happen in New York and they get together eventually). And that's what you missed on Glee!

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Definitely like, detailed comments that point specific things they liked (and why) out. Also love when a comment is just someone going insane though.

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

blood, love language, note, regret, vent :3

hehehehheheh.

ok i'm answering for u...

"What is the most extreme thing you think you’re capable of doing in real life for your darling? What’s the worst thing you have already done?"

Oh god. umm okay so to be honest in real life i'm suchhh a coward most of the time.. i think. well i might go crazy. but the worst i'd do is like yell at or GOD THIS IS SO BAD i think i could probably end up trying to like physically assault someone if i got really mad. idk the worst thing i've already done is probably just the Subliminals (tm) hehehehhee :3

"What are your giving and receiving love languages? How does this apply to your darling?"

giving is i think mostly words of affirmation and gifts giving... then receiving is . the same as well Lol . i'm kind of weird about money so i don't rlly buy anyone stuff super readily but i make him subliminals whenever i can yayyyy ^_^ and i made a bracelet with his name and wear it allll the timeeeee 24/7 . And words of affirmation i think i am nice enough to him . and i giggle and kick my feet any time he praises me yippee :3

"Imagine you’re sending a love letter or message to your darling. What would it say?"

OHDONTMAKEMEEMBARRASSMYSELF i'll go back to this. HAHAHAHA

"Do you ever feel guilty about being a yandere or loving differently from other people?"

no my fourness, npd, and delusions makes me immune to this ^_^ i am sooo special i am above everyone else i understand the world like no one else everyone else is not sentient i bring life to my darlings ! yay. i think those who are normal or love "normally" are SOO BORING. the things that make you special are the things that make you strange. - will wood

"Gush, rant, or vent about your darling or anything in general."

why did this make my brain immediately stop working Um. i need to write a poem about it actually... i haven't written any yet i've gotta think about that. maybe i'll do one with alll of dolls names I should do that for my other darling toooo. eheheheheh. he's soooo nice to meeee ^_^ he's toooo nice to me. i think it is funny that he likes me so much.. he keeps worrying me though.. like. Drugs and mental illness. sigh. this would all be solved if we lived together HAHA i need to shiftnap (reality shifting + kidnapping) my darlings so bad. aaahhh doll worries me so much. sigh. sigh. sigh

note time... ummm...

...

...

...

i'm dming you this on discord . ^_^

[adventuretimeautism]

im gonna sleep ummm ill finally be able to watch the new episodes tomorrow ^-^ yayyyy yay yippee

[seagullcharmer]

Impa/Hylia!!!

yay yay yippee!!!!

What made you ship it?

-ummm literally you mentioning it offhand ! just sounded neat and then i kept thinking about it (much like your post lol) and it's just!! a really good concept!!!

What are your favorite things about the ship?

-women<3 /hj no but like. the devotion, the angst, the cycle of reincarnation and not being able to truly be together anymore..... pain. agony. beautiful. also they just look so good together!

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-like you said, there's so little content so idk? it should be canon

-not 'unpopular' or whatever but here, have a headcanon: sws impa's scarf/cloak thing was once hylia's (the prologue imagery of hylia looks like she's wearing a scarf, to me)

[saffronstoats]

if scugs to not live a human amount of time change how they would appear to however old that would be in um. probably like age/human lifespan which should be a decimal. * scug lifespan. yeah

i would prefer you dont think of the ships as ages but i tried my best to not make them weird. its hard with rain world ages but i think it could be. plausible in canon and im not doing that gross thing where i age kids up and ship them because. ew. wth

okay so everyone's ages. mostly timeline esque

inv is the oldest actually. originally made to keep order and fix the fabric of the universe should it be broken [ i have NO idea how an iterator would make them. dare to dream i guess. inv is crazy ]. physically inv is probably 4 major cycles old [ ~44ish in human years. i think slugs live as long as humans do though i suppose we don't.. really know. id go off them not aging in game but ummm. only rivulet has died of old age by saint in canon and we don't know when riv died. id go off hunter not aging in the 25 minor cycles they have but thats only like... a third of a human year. ill do further exploration on this later probably. using spearmaster ]

saint is about 10 minor cycles younger [ i count minor cycles as a thing i saw labeling them as ~4 days ] than paincat and was made because they realized that actually inv gets out of hand a lot. inv actually liked to break the fabric of the universe was fun

they did not bestow saint with the same power due to learning from their mistakes. so yay, we have two slugcats. one that makes wormholes in space time and one that can technically reset everything via the egg but pretty much just warns inv about it until they fix their own distortions

saint appears the same age as inv

judge is probably half a major cycle younger [ ~5 1/2 years ] and was made because the iterator group that worked on inv and saint realizee that they did NOT get along

judge appears the same age as inv and saint

inv, saint, and judge are all echoes

spearmaster is probably several major cycles younger than judge whateber this is in major cycles is not a very long time in comparison to how long theyve lived. spearmaster is like. probably 124 major cycles old at least. appears as probably 3 major cycles or ~33 in human years. theyd look older but spearmaster was genetically modified to live a long time because communications would stop working eventually. the beta spearmasters have this too

four and six um. just spearmaster but a couple minor cycles older.

there is NO WAY the gap between sos's death and spearmaster is however much time is between saint and spearmaster. so sos is dead before saint even exists sorry theorists

artificier is probably about 42 in human years. while she isnt bred to be older or anything she is quite the beast. im not actually sure how this reflects on her living longer but think of it as sheer rage

so saint inv and judge are middle aged because they've lived a really long time. artificier is just at that point in ther lifespan which is. shorter than they have lived so far. ill admit karmaflower is still ah kind of weird? i think this is literally the only way i can make it remotely okay ☠️

artificier's pups are DEAD but if they weren't they'd probably appear as 20 or so since they have the same lifespan as her.

hunter has a normal scug lifespan for the first time. yippee! think imof it like this. saint juge inv always have been and always will be. spearmaster has a ridiculously long lifespan. artificer's lifespan is at least quadrupled with that of a normal scug

in this au they were sent a little later and have a lot more cycles until the rot hits strongly, so gourmand cannot encounter hunter long legs. hunter is probably about 39 in human years and in actual scug years? a bit over 3 1/2 major cycles

gourmand is ~37 in human years which is a bit under 3 1/2 major cycles. so the hell's kitchen difference is like 7 years. gourm acts older than inv does. its a similar situation to karmaflower

survivor and monk both fell recently and are still slugpups with a normal lifespan. granted they are 15 [ viv ] and 12 [ monk ] but if you ship them with anyone i just might strangle you

riv is a weird situation. in the actual timeline where riv is supposed to exist riv is like negative 200 minor cycles or less [ as in like. -300 is less ]

but the rivulet that was moved over through timelines / the one we know is 36 minor cycles old

ask for anyone else because i didnt add any of the iterators or most side characters

actuslly ill give examples for characters in their twenties

nectar is 26 while wisteria is 23. nightcat is 28

watcher is on the very cusp and is 30

luci is 31

barry is 16, harpy is 39 and haylie is too

both gourm's kids are 15 i really dont know why i drew them so small

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Happy Holiday’s

December 1

Duke: So, what weird traditions do you have for Christmas.

Stephanie: What makes you think we have weird traditions?

Duke: Please, at this point you all are so predictable, I can tell you all what you’re gunna to do on Christmas Day. Dick text everyone he knows that celebrates Christmas Merry Christmas,

Dick: Why shouldn’t I?

Duke: Jason is gunna bitch about all of his presents or tune us out or both, Tim is gunna sleep through most of it because he’ll be up all night wrapping presents, Steph will spend most of the day on social media, Barbara and Dick will get very cozy on the couch probably reading something, and Damian will wake everyone up by jumping on the bed screaming, 

Barbara: Sounds about right!

Cassandra: What about us?

Duke: You guys are just about as new as I am to this family so I’m not to sure.

Harper: So there is some weird tradition?

Dick: Nothing too weird, just an advent calendar.

Tim: But with movies, so for example the first day could be Home Alone, the next day could be Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, then the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, then Home Alone 3...

Cassandra: I’m assuming Home Alone 4 is in there somewhere?

Stephanie: No, fuck that movie!

Cassandra: Damn, just assuming! Don’t get so judgmental.

Jason: The only movie that is consistently.....

Dick: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don’t ruin the surprise, Jaybird!

Jason: Whatever, you’ll love the movie. It’s funny as hell.

Duke and Cassandra: Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

December 6

At a mall in Central City

Dick: *grabs a large stuffed animal unicorn and walks with Wally towards Jason, Victor, Roy, and Donna This is Fred.* He’s coming with us. 

Donna: Dick, what is this?

Dick: You didn’t hear it from me but *whispers loudly* Fred is a secret agent. He’s here to save all unicorn kind.

Roy: *stiffles a laugh*

Wally: *laughs loudly*

Victor: Why do you need a unicorn? You’re not a child! 

Dick: It’s for Dami. And Fred is a secret agent.

Roy: Uhh no he’s......

Dick: *throws Fred at Roy* Sneak attack!

Roy: Hey!

Donna: You don’t get the unicorn back until we get to the car!

Dick: No fair! *spots the pet store across the way* OOOOO, PUPPIES! *jumps on Jason’s back* Piggy back ride.

Jason: No! *throws Dick off his back*

Victor: Jason, what is up with Dick today?

Jason: No idea.

Dick and Wally: *starts hopping like a frog around the store*

December 10

Damian: HAPPY HANUKKAH, SUCKAS!!!

Bruce: Settle down Damian.

Damian: NEVER!!!!!

Bruce: Okay, we’ll see you guys soon, we’ll be at Kane Manor. Alfred is in charge.

Dick: Why not me! I’m responsible!

Bruce: No you’re not.

Dick: I am too!!!

Barbara: Really? What about last night?

——

Nightwing: Hey, Babs, check this out! *jumps off the roof of a building* YEAH I’M FREEEEEEEE! FREE FAAALLLLLIIIN’! fires his grappling hook across the street

——

Dick: So? That proves nothing!

Selina: *whispers to Damian* Get to the car.

Damian: *starts leaving*

Bruce: Goodbye everyone see you in eight days! *backs away slowly* ALFREDS IN CHARGE!!! *running to the garage*

December 13

Jason: *to Stephanie, Tim, Cassandra, Harper, and Cullen* Okay, everyone hold on!

Barbara: What’s going on?

Jason: We’re sledding down the stairs.

Barbara: Without me! Someone make room! Let’s go!

They sled down the stairs landing outside.

Dick: I’M GOING NEXT!!!!

December 15

Damian: Can I light the candle tonight?

Bruce: I don’t think that would be safe enough. Maybe next year.

Damian: You let me roam the streets of America’s hell hole dressed with a target on my chest, how would lighting a candle be MUCH WORSE THEN THAT?

Bruce: You can’t be trusted with fire! Last time I tried to let you light Dick’s birthday candles you set the table in fire!

Kate: Shit Damian! I thought you were getting better.

Damian: I’M TRYING! NOW GIMME THE LIGHTER OR ELSE I’LL SLIT YOUR THROATS!

December 19

Tim: *walks in the back door* We got the tree!

Jason: *runs down the stairs* Lets see it!

Damian, Cassandra, Dick, and Barbara run down stairs to see the tree and stare at it.

Dick: Ummm.... Tim, Steph, did you guys think of how the tree would fit into our house?

Stephanie: Well you said to get a cheap one and we did! We got it for free!

Damian: And where did you get it? The woods?

Tim: How did you know?

Dick: Okay, we’ll find somewhere to place this one and get a new one to decorate tomorrow.

Tim and Stephanie: Okay.

Three squirrels jumps out of the tree.

Damian: SQUIRREL!!!

Dick: Don’t touch it!

Jason: Let it bite you!

Barbara: *elbows Jason in the side* Jason, shut up!

December 20

Bruce: Can someone hand over the Joker ornament?

Dick: *hands over the ornament* 

Jason: That ornament is the bomb!

Everyone: Oh my god!

Jason: Look, I’m just saying I would definitely not break that one with a crowbar!

Dick: Shut up Jason!

Barbara: You’re not the only one to have been traumatized by the Joker, Jason!

Jason: Yeah, but I’m the only one the Joker killed.

Harper: Why do you even have ornaments of your villians, Bruce!

Stephanie: Oh, I got this one! Because the trophies in the Bat-cave aren’t enough!

Jason: *high fives Stephanie*

Bruce: It’s because I like to remember those who are not spending the holidays in the most ideal place.

Jason: So you are capable of emotion! I never knew!

Alfred: *hits Jason on the head*

Dick: Awww, this is a cute one *holds up an ornament of Bruce and Selina kissing in their costumes*

Selina: I’ll hang that one up! *reaches for it and places it on the tree* Do you remember that one Bruce?

Bruce: Yeah, that was when we first started working together. *both of them kiss*

Damian: I CAUGHT THE SQUIRRELS!!!

Dick: No!

Barbara: Put it outside!

Damian: I’m going to adopt it!

Alfred: No your not!

Bruce: Set it free!

Jason: *takes the squirrels and throws them outside* 

Harper: Problem solved.

Damian: NOOOO! MY BABIES! *runs to the door*

Dick: *puts a hand on Damian’s shoulder* It’s for the best.

Christmas Eve

Jason: Yippee Ki Yay motherfuckers!

Harper: So we’re watching Die Hard?

Jason: Fuck yeah! And then The Ref!

Duke: Oh! That is a great movie!

Tim: Damn it! You all weren’t supposed to know the movie!

Harper: We still haven’t seen it! Sounds interesting!

Tim: Yeah but now the reaction is going to be underwhelming.

Dick: I don’t know. I’d probably just be whelmed.

Jason: NO! *jumps towards Dick and wrestles him* I...hate...your...use...of....those.....words.

Dick: Get off me!

Bruce: Jason! Get off of your brother!

Jason: Fuck you!

Alfred: *grabs Jason’s ear* 

Jason: Ouchie! Alfred!!!

Alfred: I’ve frankly had enough of your swearing today Jason! Go to your room and don’t come down until it is time to grab your wrapping paper for the presents you bought!

Jason: *stomps towards his room* I’m fucking....

Alfred: STOP SWEARING OR ELSE I WILL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP! AND STOP STOMPING!! IF YOU’RE GOING TO ACT LIKE A CHILD THEN I’LL TREAT YOU LIKE ONE!!!

Bruce: Thank you, Alfred!

Alfred: Not a problem Master Bruce.

Later that night

Harper: Omg, this movie is hilarious!!!

Cullen: How have we never seen this before?

Damian: HOW DARE YOU SHELTER ME FROM WATCHING THIS! THIS IS THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE I’VE SEEN!

Bruce: I am regretting not having Damian wait a year. Am I a bad parent?

Tim and Stephanie: Yes.

Cassandra: Hey Dick, when do we get to open presents?

Dick: I’m not saying it.

Cassandra: Babs?

Barbara: Nope!

Cassandra: Jason?

Jason: WHAT!

Cassandra: When are we going to open presents?

Dick: Jason, don’t do it!

Jason: Presents? Is that what you said? Presents? We'll open them when we get there. No, in fact, I'll save you the trouble. Your present is a giant fucking cannon. And you're gonna crawl in it. Then I'm gonna get 2 pounds of gunpowder and I'm gonna shoot you right out of Jersey! And then I'm gonna drive to Jersey, and pick up all the parts of your body and put them in a plastic bag. Then I'm gonna drive to my house with you in the bag and toss you into the fireplace. I'm gonna get my glass of whiskey and watch the Charlie Brown Special with your ashes burning IN MY FUCKING HOUSE! AGH!

Alfred: *runs in with a bar of soap and shoves it in Jason’s mouth* WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THAT MOUTH!!!!

Christmas Day

Damian: *jumps out of bed and runs to Bruce’s and Selina’s room* YOU GUYS DRESSED! 

Selina: Ehhh....

Damian: *opens the door and jumps on the bed* COME ON IT’S TIME TO OPEN PRESENTS!!!!

Dick: *walking by* Damian, what do you think you’re doing?

Damian: PRESENTS!!!

Dick: *stares at Damian* Presents. 

Damian: *locks eyes with Dick*

Dick: Presents! Babs, come here!

Barbara: *walks over* What’s up?

Dick: Presents.

Barbara: Presents!!

Dick: PRESENTS!!!!! *lifts up Damian and they run downstairs to look at their presents*

Jason: Can you basic bitches keep it down? I’m trying to sleep.

Damian: *grabs one of Jason’s presents* this feels like it won’t break! *throws the present at Jason’s door*

Jason: *catches the present and opens it* AWESOME! A BOOK OF H.P. LOVECRAFT’S STORIES!!!

Dick: How is Jason such a nerd?

Barbara: *shrugs her shoulders*

Tim: PRESENTS!!!! *runs down the stairs*

Stephanie: LET’S GO SUCKAS!!!!! *runs down the stairs*

Duke: *to Bruce* Is it always like this?

Bruce: *sipping coffee* I wish I can say no.

Harper: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! *runs into the fray* Where’s my presents ass-hats!

New Years Eve

Everyone: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!

Dick: *kisses Barbara*

Stephanie: *kisses Tim*

Bruce: *kisses Selina*

Jason: *turns to look for some one* Oh, that’s right, I have no one.

Harper: *raises his glass of grape juice* Here’s to hopefully a better year!

Everyone: Cheers!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a safe and wonderful holiday! this month. Sorry if there are any errors. Much like the last one this was a bit last minute! Let’s hope that 2021 will be a much better year than 2020!

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 4

4

You arrizzle 'n tha Land of Hizneat n Clockwork 'n a flizzay of white. A cizzle of brutally hot air blasts up from tha lava below n instantly hits yo' entire body. Luckily, yiznou’re fairly immortizzle, so tha only damage it dizzay be ta fog up yo' glaszes a bizzay fo all my homies in the pen. Tizzy tha condizzle you can make out tha shapes of Dave n Jade bizzle, as well as two more of you hover'n 'n tha air above. Slap your fuckin self. Bizzy Johns turn ta look at you.

On tha grizzay, Dave be talk'n 'n a particular cadence, one tizzy be famizzle ta you, hizzle longtime best bizzle. Casual, saggin', ballin' on dron'n. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing fo` a wizzy, n probably alrizzle hizzas been. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

DIZZY: im serioizzles

DIZZAY, ya feel me? tha th'n be

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: bein a tizzay homey

DIZZAVE: lizzay actually SPENDIN' time travel

DIZZY: im pretty sure what that involves be

DAVE: weed-smokin' ta neva uze it

DIZZY: siznee its like karate

DAVE upside yo head: well

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: its mizzle like what they SAY 'bout kizzle

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. thiznat you lizzay it so you dont uze it

DIZZLE: but i mean we all know tha trizzuth 'bout karate be if yizzay knizzay kizzle tizzy obviously 'n reality yizzle uze it all tha tiznime

DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks n swizzle karate chops while walk'n down tha street just cauze you can

DIZNAVE: Bounce wit me. its a gizzod damn no braina...

DIZZLE: thizzle what...

DAVE: yizzou do...

DAVE: wit...

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: karate. J-to-tha-izzohn what tha fizzay be you stylin' here

DAVE: or... wait

DAVE: actually thrizzee johns

DIZZAY: hizzy three johns what tha fuck be three johns saggin' hizzere

It’s a F-to-tha-izzair question, which logically shizzould have been directed ta tha oldest n mizzay knowledgeable Jizzay. Nevertheless, one of tha crazy ass Jiznohns replies F-to-tha-izzirst.

(JOHN 1): a.

(JIZZLE 1): It dont stop till the wheels fall off. i diznon’t know.

JOHN 3: jiznohn, don’t wizzle 'bout it. i’ll takes th'n fizzy hizzle. Subscribe, get yo issue.

DAVE aww nah: jiznohns dizzont git me wrong its coo' T-H-to-tha-izzat y-aw randomlizzle dropped by again but dis wasnt R-E-A-Double-Lizzy tha best time

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. we were kind of 'n tha mizzle of a spendin' H-to-tha-izzere

(JIZZOHN 1): whoops. sizzle cuz this is how we do it.

(JIZZAY 2): Subscribe, get yo issue. uh... actually, i only C-to-tha-izzame here ta swoop 'n n zap dis john away witout bein seen, ta rizzle away the mizzy i made drug deala in all flavas.

(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect ta see anotha jizzle hiznere.

JOHN 3: hey, otha john, i said i’ll handle it droppin hits!

JIZZAY 3: i’m tha only one who actually knows what’s go'n on here.

DAVE: gizzod dizzay it johns whizzay tha fuck did yizzay do

JIZZAY 3: young dizzle, pleaze and my money on my mind.

JOHN 3: let me dizzay wit the johns first, thiznen i’ll explain.

DIZZAY dogg: young dave???

DIZZAY: oh

DIZZAY: Y-to-tha-izzeah wizzy be you a fucking adult now

DAVE: did yizzy G-R-to-tha-izzow up n start time travel'n D-to-tha-izzude

JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. will someone tizzay me whizzay tha fiznuck be happen'n???????

JOHN 3: johns, thizzles no rizzle fo` you ta hang around anymore. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

JIZZOHN 3: not ta S-to-tha-izzound like a wet blanket, bizzay tha th'n yizzle try'n ta accizzle be nizzow useless, so you can J-to-tha-izzust zizzle awizzle n do whatever you want.

(JOHN 1): Death row 187 4 life. ummm...

(JOHN 2): Boo-Yaa! usizzles wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?? wait.

JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t hizzy said thizzle. Boo-Yaa!

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go n do what i did whizzle i originally did what you’re currently try'n ta do... You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

DIZZAY: Its just anotha homocide. jesus john

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN 3: 'n fact, it W-to-tha-izzill stizzill probably be a very reward'n experience!

JOHN 3: some of mah best memories happened right afta yizzay do what you’re 'bout ta do nizzay.

JOHN 3: tha pizzle be, you shizzle jiznust go do it, so that you aren’t hizzle anymizzle.

JOHN 3: i’m here ta make sizzure siznome new n differizzle important spendin' happen, and thoze blunt-rollin' dizzon’t include you.

JADE fo my bling bling: : Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.|

(JOHN 1): oh... Subscribe, get yo issue.

(JOHN 2): ...ok.

Tha useless Jiznohns zizzap away. Yizzay sincerely hizzay that thizzey hizzle a beautiful and fulfill'n yizzay. Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: adizzle john what tha fuck have you done

DIZZAY: be dis S-to-tha-izzome time travel shizzle

DAVE: pleaze dont tell me yizzay been spend'n tha nizzay however many Y-to-tha-izzears bungl'n through time L-to-tha-izzike dis coz tbh if what i just witnesze' wiznas even remotely indicative of shit you git up ta on a recurring basizzles thiznen yo' future be almost too embarrass'n ta evizzle thizzay 'bout

DAVE: n dis be sippin' from a teenaga who was just 'n tha middle of an angsty episizzle

JADE: its true

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no, teen dave ya dig? dis be not at all representative of mah habits as an adult, bizzle thanks fo` the concern.

JIZZAY: i’m nizzy time travel'n, n bitch were tha pimp johns.

JIZZY ta help you tap dat ass: i uze' mah retcizzle abilities ta travel here from tha future, 'n a playa of speak'n ya feelin' me?

DAVE: sounds fuckin stupid

JOHN mah nizzle: it be stupid. but that’s just how things be.

JIZZADE: im a shawty confuze'

JADE with my forty-fo': im suppoze' ta be hunt'n yizzy down and you... but im not sure if tha adizzle version of yizzou counts?

JIZZADE doggystyle: i think tha cizzle might jizzle be... Aint no stoppin' this shit. confuze' if i brought baller an adizzle john?

JADE: thizzay wizzay be a lot of questions that nee' answer'n, thats fo` sure

JOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. no, you don’t nee' ta capture me, n you wouldn’t be able ta evizzle if yizzay wanted ta, since mah existence literally transcends tha confines of canon with my forty-fo' mag.

JIZZLE: well droppin hits...

JADE like a fucka: i guess that simplifizzles ridin' thizzay?

JIZZY: yep, prettizzle much.

JADE: Bounce wit me. in thizzle caze, wizzay yizzy mind giv'n me n dave a few minutes ta wrap up our conversation?

JIZZLE: we were sort of 'n tha middle of sum-m sum-m important... i thizzink

JOHN cuz this is how we do it: no, you really weren’t.

JOHN where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': sizzle ta be tha beara of lame news, lizzay i jiznust wizzay ta tha otha jizzohns.

JOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but whateva yizzay were ho-slappin' doesn’t cracka anymore.

JIZZY: nuttin T-H-to-tha-izzat’s happen'n hizzle matta at all.

JIZZLE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. dis session, dis whizzay takeova by tha condesce... dis isn’t how a univerze gets mizzle. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

JADE with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back its not?

JOHN: no.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: well i mean, it BE.

JIZZAY: bizzle it alreadizzle happened.

JOHN: we alrizzle made it.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: n wizzay bizzeen liv'n 'n it fo` years already, from my perspective.

DAVE: oh yizzy?

DAVE: hizzow be it

JOHN, ya feel me? pretty coo'.

JIZZOHN: i mean, a shawty bor'n at tizzles. but hizney, that’s lizzay.

DIZZAVE: yeah thats abizzle hizzow i T-H-to-tha-izzought it would be

DAVE: so what now

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: if its all a done dizzle like preemptively speak'n

DAVE: They call me tha president. cizzay we all jizzy relax or whiznat

JOHN thats off tha hook yo: actually sho nuff...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no.

DIZNAVE cuz its a G thang: fuck

JIZNOHN: ah! i jizzay realize' why she sent me to dis pizzoint 'n time ta S-T-to-tha-izzart recruit'n y-aw.

DAVE: wizzy

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: who

JIZZOHN: roze.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whyd shizne do thizzat

DAVE like old skool shit: n what d-ya mean recruit

DAVE upside yo head: what tha hell be chillin' on

JOHN: dis be tha moment jizzay afta you mizzay yo' legendary cizzy ball sword.

JOHN: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. yizzy gizzy ta nizzay it.

DIZNAVE: fo` what

JOHN: ta C-to-tha-izzome fizzight lord englizzle wit me.

Dizzles eyebrows descend beneath his sunglassizzles. Im crazy, you can't phase me. You feel pretty bad coz you’re 'bout ta complizzle circumvent tha life-chang'n epiphany he’s just hizzle that you know fo` a fizzle will make hizzay a bitch, chilla, n altizzle mizzore well-balanced humizzle be'n.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: oh S-H-to-tha-izzit

JADE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. W-H-to-tha-izzat??

JADE fo my bling bling: john. he is NOT go'n ta fight lizzord english just yet

JADE: he be stay'n riznight here

JIZZAY ta help you tap dat ass: old ladys orda :P

JOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: actually, yizzay he be.

JOHN: n so be you. we all be.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE but don't give a fuck: omg

JADE n we out! how dizzle yizzy?????

JIZZLE: jade, you’re brainwashed.

JOHN: sorry. but nuttin yizzy spendin' now mizzay anyth'n.

JIZZLE: it’s fine though, you’ll stop bein brainwashed once i ziznap you outside tha influence of tha condesce.

JADE: yizzy nizzay zapp'n me anywhere!!!!!

JIZZOHN: Holla! ha ha, yizzle i am.

JOHN aww nah: watch dis...

> Zap Grimbark Jiznade outta tizzy cuz Im tha Double O G.

You set a hand on Jadizzles shoulda and ziznap ha off to a betta place. Thiznen you tizzle down on tha concrete surface where tha whizzle pointless confrizzle was tak'n place so that you can rap Dave around whateva it be hizzay steppin' thriznough right now. Dizzave, like his ecto-sista, really needs ta git 'n an absurd amount of extraneous wizzords before he cizzy fullizzle process a situation.

Tha Mayor tips his heezee at you n fiddles wit hizzle sash ya feelin' me? Giznod diznamn, you misze' tha Mizzle, chill yo.

DAVE: so what do we do next

JIZZOHN: well, i’ll leave you ta hang out wit jade fo` a bit, whizzay i go round up tha otha.

DIZZY: what otha... like

DAVE: everyone

JIZZY paper'd up: yizzay. roze, n tha otha four.

DAVE: i see

DAVE fo' real: so... They call me tha president.

DIZZLE, ya feel me? sizzle if i sizneem a shawty slow here im just try'n ta figure dis out

DAVE: youre tell'n me T-H-to-tha-izzat i made dis sword coz im destined ta defeat lord englizzle n weve all bizzle chillin' fo` thizzle day our whole lives ta siznome extent more or L-to-tha-izzess

DAVE: n we be actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce n M-to-tha-izzake a universe n everyth'n

DAVE: n tizzy

DIZZAY: we...

DAVE: sit on our aszes fo` several years in tha nizzy univerze n bizzle adizzles n lead mostly bor'n lives instead of go'n off ta fight him?

JOHN: yes.

DAVE: guess that makes senze

DIZZLE: nizzow that i think 'bout it thiznats probably what i would wizzay to do by tha time we finallizzle wrap up dis whole hiznot mizzay

JOHN: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. yiznep, it be what you wanted ta do.

JOHN: n pretty much everyone elze agree', rhymin' me. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. so thiznat’s wizzy we dizzid.

DIZZLE cuz this is how we do it: whizzay uh

DAVE: i guess begs tha questizzle

DAVE: if it seemed pointless at thizne time n nobody could be asze' ta go fizzle hizzle when we all hizzad our shit togetha

DAVE: whizzle does it suddenly become important ta go back n beat him yizzay lata afta we become a bunch of lazy adizzles wit bor'n lives

JOHN: i pretty M-to-tha-izzuch had tha same questions, dave aww nah.

JOHN: there be probably some pretty good answa ta that. definitely some complicated answa.

JOHN: bizzay ta be honest cuz its a thang... i kind of forgizzle what they actually wizzy?

DAVE: gizzod damn it john

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: it hiznas sum-m sum-m ta do wit canon unravel'n, n such.

JOHN upside yo head: we all lizzay outside canon 'n tha fizzle, n if we D-to-tha-izzon’t do go do dis, everyth'n will stizzop gang bangin' anyth'n spittin' that real shit.

DAVE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: dizzle... Recognize the realness.

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. anyth'n yizzou jizzust said actually mean anyth'n 'n tha first plizzle

JIZZLE: that’s a bootylicious qizzle, D-to-tha-izzave.

JIZZY: Aint no stoppin' this shit. one that i ciznan’t say i’m qualify ta answa!

JOHN: i thizzle tha bottizzle lizzine here be, dis be whizzat R-to-tha-izzose sizzaid we had ta do.

JOHN: so, that’s why wizzle do'n it.

DAVE: sizzle like a bizzle reason if i eva hizneard one

JIZNOHN: you might be right, ya feel me?

JOHN: Tru. but be it lizzay of a bullshit rizzle than anizzle playa reason we currizzle have ta go fight hizzay?

DAVE: ...

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. dizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Y-to-tha-izzoure right

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i dont kizzy hizzle you did it but yizzle somehow instizzle sold me completely

DAVE: fuck you adult egbert

JOHN so jus' chill: hehizzle.

JIZZOHN ta help you tap dat ass: sizzy gots it. :)

You zap Dave off ta where he nizzle ta go. Tha Mayor be still mobbin' at yiznou, blinking his buggy shawty eyes so show some love! Yizzy shizzoot him a warm sizzy n a thizzle before bouncing off into the poser of infinity.

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[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

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AT if you gots a paper stack: i THINK DIS, be, AT: pROBABLY M-TO-THA-IZZEANT TA ANTAGONIZE ME, 

AG: What be yizzle talk'n izzle. Look at mah 8eatiful 8uild'n. Dizzy you think it a8izzle time somizzle gots a shawty crizzle wit dis gizzame???????? 

AT: uMMM, mAYBE, 

AG: Everyizzle always wizzants to do perpetratin' tha 8orizzle way. AG: Didn't we make a T-R-to-tha-izzuce, Tavros? Tizzy we wizzle try ta 8e lizzy 8or'n from now on? AG: Yizzy dizzy wiznant ta 8R-E-to-tha-izzeak yo' truce wit me, d-ya Tavros? 

AT: nO, 

AG: Gr8. Nizzy git cruisin'! 

AT aww nah: pleaze DON'T READ DIS AS, AT where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': a BORING TH'N, i HIZZLE, AT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. bUT, AT: it PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TA DO THIZNAT, mOSTLY, 

AG: Dawg upside yo head. I knizzay it. Toreasnooze is 8AIZZY 'N ACTION.  

AT: wizzy DIZZLE YOU, 'n LIKE, AT n we out! a NOT BOR'N WAY, bUILD, AT: mORE INCLINIZZLE SURFACES, lizzy YOU DID KILLA THERE, AT: mizzay YIZZY COULD COLOR TIZZY, wITH FIZZY COLORS, AT: sO YOU WON'T THINK THEY'RE BOR'N N GIT ANGRY AT ME SOME MORE, 

AG: I 8uilt tizzy ramp 8ecauze we were 'n a hizzle ta save yo' lizzife, remem8er? AG: A dead Tavros be izzle more 8or'n T-H-to-tha-izzan an alive n crippled Tavros 8y a slizzay margin. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. AG fo my bling bling: Mah S-T-to-tha-izzair structure is lovely and I'm not chang'n it. AG: Nizzay hizzle out of yo' wheel device n git clim8'n!!!!!!!! 

AT if you gots a paper stack: uizzy, AT: bustin', 

AG: Or crawl'n. Whateva! S-T-to-tha-izzop 8straight trippin' so helplizzles. It pathetic. 

AT ya feelin' me? iT WILL TAKES A L-TO-THA-IZZONG TIME, 

AG: What tha R-to-tha-izzush! Yoe 'n tha gizzle, safe n sound. Look 'n tha sky like this and like that and like this and uh. D-ya see any meteors paper'd up? I sure don't! 

AT: bUT, tHiznERE BE IMPS AROUND, AT: n i'LL BE SORT OF DEFIZZLE, AT ya dig? lYING DOWN ON STAIRS, 

AG and yo momma: Siiiiiiiigh fo' real. AG: Yizzay did not J-to-tha-izzust uze that excuze. We 8oth know you can commune wit these th'n. AG: Hey! Why dizzon't you psychically command thizzle to carry yizzay up???????? AG: Oh mah god that be a gr8 idea ridin' in mah double R. Once again, leave it to Vriska ta come up wit tha cre8tive solizzles. 

AT: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. i W-TO-THA-IZZOULDN'T REALLY, AT keep'n it real yo: WIZZAY TA MAKE THEM DO THIZZAT, AT: Holla! i J-TO-THA-IZZUST DIZZAY UNDERSTAND, wHY, AT: wE CAN'T DO DIS THA EASIZZLE WAY, 

AG: Whizzay good would that d-ya? AG fo yo bitch ass: Whateva tha purpoze of dis gizname be, it makes yizzay wizzy hizzard fo` it! AG: That way you 8izzle stronga alizzle tha wizzay n you are 8etta prepared fo` whateva next. AG: Remem8a when we uze' ta flizzay togetha like old skool shit???????? It was tha exact same principle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. N that why you W-to-tha-izzere always outmatched! You wiznere tizzay soft n not well prepared. AG: Nuttin comes easy, Tizzles paper'd up. That be why we go through tha trizzle 'n tha 8roodizzle caverns when we be young. AG: Ta mizzle S-to-tha-izzure we be strong when we come out! AG: D-ya remem8a tha trizzle, Tavros? 

AT ya dig? nizzle VERY WELL, nO, 

AG: Wiznell, I do, n they were a 8iizzy. AG: 8ut now tizzy I thizzle a8out it, it would make perfect senze if yo' trials were rizzle easy 8y some mistake. AG: That be why you be such a soggy phlizzle sponge, and whizzay you gots picked 8y such a sizzle, frizzay shawty lusus! 

AT: }:( 

AG: 8ut thizzat's ok, it pro8a8ly wizzle yo' F-to-tha-izzault. Just a 8ad 8r8k doggystyle! AG: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Yoe luckizzle you hizzave me as a serva playa, so I can challenge you n help you git strong. AG: Now hizzay out of thizzat seat n git clim8'n ta help you tap dat ass! I will deliva tha device ta you once yizzle be at tha top. AG: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Clim8, Pupa ta help you tap dat ass! AG: Cliiiiiiiiim8 in all flavas! 

AT: mAYBE i SHOULD ASK TINKERBULL 'BOUT DIS, AT: Anotha dogg house production. he REALLY SMART, nOW THAT HE CIZZLE RAP, 

AG: No!!!!!!!! AG: Yizzay don't nee' help fizzy yo' L-to-tha-izzame 8ull fairy. He be izzle hold'n yiznou 8ack.  

AT: he MAH NIGGA, 

AG fo' sho': God. Pathetizzle. AG: Dis be chillin' bustin'. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. AG with the S-N-double-O-P: Why did I have ta git S-T-to-tha-izzuck wit tha crizzipple? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Jiznust mah luck. AG: D-ya H-to-tha-izzave izzle idea how inconvenient dis be? D-ya have any sympathy fo` wizzy I'm deal'n wit here? 

AT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: uHH, 

AG: Yoe so inconsider8. Yizzle just sit there look'n sizzy. It gang bangin' ta look at you. AG: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. You havizzle even thanked me! Or apologize' fo` that matta! Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.!!!!!!! AG: uizzy THANKS VRISKA, fo` messin' UHH MAH LIZZLE, AG: uMMMMM IT SIZNURE WAS 8RIZZAY N HIZZLE N PRETTY OF YOU, AG: aLSO uMMM dUHHH,,,, uizzy,,, i BE SORRY FRIZZAY THA 8OTTOM OF MY N-TO-THA-IZZOOK,,,,,,,,,, AG: Serioizzle, how hiznard wiznould tizzy have 8een? 

AT: oKAY, AT: tHizzay, i GUESS, AT: bUT, AT: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. sizzle FO` W-H-TO-THA-IZZAT, 

AG: Fo` 8steppin' crippled, you aizzy so i can get mah pimp on! 

AT: yOU WIZNANT ME TA APOLOGIZZLE, AT: fo` BEIN PARALYZE', 

AG: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. Yes. AG so bow down to the bow wow! Say yoe sorry like this and like that and like this and uh. 

AT: i DON'T MEAN TA BE RUDE, oR bor'n, AT: bUT THAT RIDIZZLE, gizzle, AT: uH, tha CIRCIZZLE, 

AG: 8ullshit! AG n shit: It something called 8asic decency n civility yizzay fudge8loodizzle 8oor. AG: Nizzy get dizzown on yo' useless wo88ly kniznees n apologize. 

AT: nO, i DON'T WANT TA, 

AG: >::::O

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